#I just wanna know how he feels about jude law now

[feyd-meowtha]

Another snippet from the MOTA 90s clubbing AU!

(This time featuring Curt/Ken and the extent to which I had to bend space and time to make the Jude Law joke work)

“Long way from home, cowboy,” Curt said as he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and flipped the top open. “Want one?” He added, holding them up toward Gale, “they’re menthols.” Gale wasn’t usually one for smoking but his tongue was begging for something to do and he did like mint so he agreed, gingerly taking one out of the packet and holding it up for Curt to light.

“You wound me,” said Bucky from the opposite side of the table, holding one hand to his chest like a mother who’d just seen her child’s first tattoo. “You don’t want my smokes but you’ll take one from this…this... fiend.” “Oh, fiend, is it? That’s a new one,” Curt mumbled as Gale said,

“You didn’t offer.” “You don’t even drink!” Bucky spluttered, gesturing far too vigorously with his burning cigarette and earning a scornful look from the woman behind him. He shook his head mournfully. “I can’t believe this. I risk life and limb to get him in here and the first chance you get, you steal him away from me.” He pointed a finger from Gale to Curt. “He smokes menthols!” Bucky finished with a huff, crossing his arms and sticking out his lower lip in a petulant show of immaturity that shouldn’t have been nearly as endearing as it was. “Told you no-one wants to kiss a guy who smokes Lucky Strikes. How old are you, eighty?” Curt said with a shrug before turning to Gale. “They have character!” Bucky exclaimed. Curt just shook his head and turned back to Gale. “Though I hate to disappoint ya Buck but I got a feeling someone special is gonna be here tonight. So I’m afraid my heart belongs to another.” “The guy who looks like Jude law?” Bucky said, his eyebrows buried somewhere up in his hairline. “Dude, don’t do it. You totally struck out last time. I saw it, I wish I didn’t but I did and it was bad.” “Yeah but that doesn’t count because I don’t remember it.” Curt said as if that made any sense whatsoever. Then he stopped dead, his eyes taking on a slightly haunted look as he met Bucky’s gaze and said solemnly. “Never let me do G again.” “It’s not my fault some people can’t hack,” said Bucky before adding, “and to be fair it wasn’t all bad. I think he thought you were kinda funny, even after you started talking about how much you liked ‘Shopping’ which he had not seen because no-one except you and me have ever seen that movie and I only watched it because you made me… but then you started making that weird groaning noise and rubbing your palms on your jeans like a sex offender.” He paused for a second, the two of them cringing in unison, “Yeah...that was- that was rough, I’m not gonna lie, so probably don’t do that again.” “Don’t have to tell me,” Curt said, shaking his head to shake off the embarrassment, “That stuff is fuckin’ evil. I’ll be stickin’ with the classics from now on.”

[spaghettinoodlesworld]

The English Love Deception Pt3

“I’ll make you fucking obsessed y/n watch me cause I just started”

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

Jude Bellingham X Reader ft Trent Alexander Arnold

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: swearing and sexual tension

“Shhh, unless you want people downstairs to see you like this with me.”

“Like this like what?”

“You want me to describe to you how this looks well you a young woman pressed to the wall in a short black dress with a jacket thats barely hanging to your body now,” he looked down at your chest, “breathing shallowly” his eyes went back up to your face and said, “face flushed and pupils dilated and then there is me”

“Yea and then there is you a complete disappointment to the whole story”

He laughed he actually laughed in your face this mf thinks he’s fine enough to act like that.

“If that’s so then what are you doing at the house of a disappointment”

“Most definitely not for you”

“Well then tell me one name you’d rather have with you instead of me right now and I’ll be the judge”

You opened your mouth to automatically say a name but closed your mouth again. This is embarrassing you almost said Trent’s name.

“ thought so..so listen you and me next week Hannah’s wedding you heard it all didn’t you?”

“why don’t you take your girlfriend though? I mean the girl said you have one”

It was his turn to remain silent. You understood that that the girlfriend story was a weak attempt to save his ego but you won’t be the one feeding his.

“how can I take anybody when I can take you.”

“You mean to say that you lied about having a girlfriend and now you’re asking me for a favour because you desperately need me as your plus one?” You corrected him

“I wouldn’t word it that way cause I don’t ‘desperately’ need you. I just randomly thought of the idea but for the sake of your fantasies at night yes I desperately need you.”

Keeping up a conversation with this man is semi-impossible unless you wanna lose a lot of your brain cells.

The only successful way to deal with such people as him Is to ignore them completely.

“What’s in it for me though?” Of course you’re gaining so much from the deal you yourself are getting a plus one who’s actually Trent’s friend but of course you won’t say so. The less he knows the better off you are.

“You really are the type of person who only replies to with one message when your friend spams you with messages, aren’t you?”

“and with your current performance I don’t think you’ll get to find out.” Slayyyyy

“You get to keep the jacket and since I’m feeling a little more generous today I’ll let you decide what else you want in return.”

If you leave this house dating Jude your girls will smack you slice you smash you put you in a blender and make smoothie out of you. You need to make a very good deal at least.

“I need a job.”

“Do you think I’m LinkedIn by any chance?” he said not taking you seriously his eyes wandering around the house and said, “last time I checked this isn’t JobCentre Plus”

“Get me a job you have a deal no job no deal”

“Okay okayy I’ll see what I’ll be able to do about that. So deal?” He said raising his hand for a shake. You hummed a little as a response completely ignoring his hand and slightly pushing him away to go for the stairs only to find him pulling you from the back by your jacket’s pocket.

You spun around and your heels almost said bye bitch so by instinct your hands moved to clutch anything nearby. And what other than his shirt would be a better idea? You looked at him to give him a piece of your mind and instantly regretted even looking upwards. This man will break your neck one day.

“As much as I’m into your bratty behaviour, I’m your lover right now and I’d like you to act like it hmm?”

“Newton’s 3rd law For every action there is an equal but opposite reaction. Fix that attitude of yours I’ll give you what you want.”

He didn’t reply and slightly pushed you aside and left for the stairs. Two can play this game and you won’t accept defeat.

“Girl where have yOU been?” Bunny said worriedly the moment you went back to the backyard.

“It’s a long story I’ll tell you all about it later. Where’s MJ?” You look around searching for her

“They’re going to play a cards game. I was about to come and search for you do you wanna play?”

“Yea yea lets go”

You said your hi’s and sat next to your girls waiting for the game to start

“I’ll act as if I haven’t noticed with whom you were missing the whole night,” MJ said softly pinching your thigh.

“I swear I’ll tell y’all everything I swear.” you looked at the people who are playing only to lock eyes with Jude who was already looking at you. He tilted his head to the side before winking at you. He certainly has a switch from quirky to flirty.

“Am I the only one who saw that?” Bunny questioned.

“Yea someone better prepare to be steak tonight” you continued scanning the crowd only for your eyes to drop at Trent who has Hannah wrapped next to him. She was too busy acting pretty and counting his arm muscles to even notice your existence. You secretly wished it would stay that way.

“So guys I guess we all know the game right? Pick a card, do what the card says or drink. Pretty simple” said a pretty boy with eyebrow slits.

“He is fine and super funny I wanna have his babies,” MJ said looking as us for agreement.

“I don’t think that’s what people do when they meet funny people,” Bunny said scanning the young man you guys being extremely obvious the boy looked toward you guys and smiled.

“Told y’all he’s my husband,” MJ said with all seriousness crossing her arms.

“Welcome to the Foden family, Mrs Foden” Bunny jokingly shook hands with MJ

“It’s a pleasure.”

“Guys guys the first card has been withdrawn.” You drew their attention to the game.

“okay okay it says ‘Pick up a random book and read it in the most seductive voice manageable.’ Oh god wait let me warm up ahem.” said the player who pulled the card.

“I’ll get a book give me a sec,” said Jude as he went running to get him a book.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to take mason mount seriously after what I’m gonna hear,” bunny told you. Jude comes back with a green book in hand

“Here you go enlighten us with your knowledge”

“Perhaps..” mason started to approach Foden slowly, “few of us realize that without plants..” he said caressing Foden’s neck with his knuckles.

You couldn’t help but laugh with the others and also feel bad because you can tell everyone is gonna be traumatised tonight.

“all our modern civilization would be swept away and that upon plants has been built all that we have so far accomplished and everything that we may yet become.” Mason continued as he sat on Foden’s lap trying his best to keep his voice as low as possible. It is very hard to tell if he’s acting anymore.

“The overthrow of any king or republic, the wiping out-“

“Oh man stop god stop,” Foden finally cracked, “my name might be Phil but I’m not fucking Philodendron.”

“I guess it’s my turn now I hope I get a normal card,” Trent said getting up to fetch the card from the table.

“What does it say,” Hannah sweetly said. You wanted to poke her eyes out but you won’t cause that would be animal abuse.

“‘Hold hands with the person to your left for the duration of the game. If you or the other person let go at any point, you each have to do 2 shots each.’ My left? That’s you babe.” Trent said going back to his seat holding Hannah’s hand.

“Mate that’s not fun you guys already do that all the time tsk,” Foden said shaking his head.

“I mean I won’t mind doing that for eternity as long as it’s you Trent,” you don’t understand how did she say that without gagging cause what the fuck.

“*cough* cringy bitch *cough*” you couldn’t help but do that but maybe you went a bit too loud.

“hm? Oh y/n is that youu?” Hannah said in her usual whiny voice. Shit now you have to engage with snakes.

“I have been here for a while now,” you laughed awkwardly okay now you wish you would just be sucked by a black hole. Everyone is silently watching the useless chat.

“I would’ve came and hugged you but I’m stuck with Trent,” she said raising their hands in the air to show you how ‘stuck’ she is.

“yeah that’s fine congratulations by the way,” you told her. You wanted so bad to Google “how to stop an unwanted conversation”

“Awww thank you, don’t make the past stop you and start seeing someone girlie we aren’t getting any younger,” okay somebody smack this bitch up.

“The only thing I should be seeing is you out the door bitch” you thought to yourself

“Oh y/n here likes to keep her dating life private even from her best friends you see I’m dying for them to know who’s that famous guy you’re seeing y/n” Bunny said trying to save you some face.

“As a matter of fact Hannah here might know him isn’t that right?” MJ said making matters worse but it was worth it to see that shocked look on Hannah’s face.

“now you’re killing me with curiosity y/nnnn. You don’t know about this, Trent?” The bitch is doing it on purpose.

“As long as he treats you right, you have my support,” Trent says calmly face void of emotion.

“This mf thinks he’s Amazon tech support from the amount of support he’s throwing at you, y/n” MJ whispered and you almost fell off your chair.

You glanced at Jude who was try his best to act as if he doesn’t give a damn about what’s going on.

“Okay let’s continue it’s my turn I’ll pick a card,” said Foden, “‘Hit on someone in the group the way you’d hit on someone in the club’

i haven’t done that in a while I’m super rusty”

Foden slowly approaches MJ and said “hey”

“Yes?” MJ acting nonchalant when we all know she’s going crazy for the eyebrow slits

“I have to admit, you’ve got some killer moves on you. For how long are you planning to stay?” He directly started the act and MJ went along with it.

“If you play your cards right maybe till 3” MJ is clearly stealing the show from Foden.

“Perfect, then I have enough time to figure out how to make a move on you”

MJ seems to forget it’s all an act as the girl when into vibration mood.

“How about I start now?” He said smiling cheekily while lifting the aforementioned eyebrow.

Okay now MJ has passed.

“HAHAHA THAT WAS GOOD” you said clapping trying to move the attention towards you.

“sorry I wasn’t giving it my all,” he said to MJ

“worked on me and I’m not usually easily impressed,” she flirted and a few seconds of exchanged glances took place.

“OKAY Bellingham your turn,” Foden said returning back to his seat.

This better be good cause you really need something to laugh at something that starts with a J and ends with UDE.

“‘Give someone of your choice a leg massage after seductively removing their footwear’ god that’s terrible.” This was super funny to you until you found him approaching your seat.

“Ironic isn’t it?” Jude says dropping to his knees in front of your seat. You reflexively squeezed your thighs together.

“what is?” You have zero idea what’s going on

“I told you I’ll make you fall for me and it’s me who has dropped to his knees for you.” He said reaching for your leg that’s covered with your knee high boots.

“What are you doing,” you whispered to him pushing his hands away from your knees.

“Just follow my lead,” he whispered back. His fingertips touching the back of your knees not only tickling you but tickling your soul. You must control your expressions you guys are literally providing a free show for everyone to watch.

“And you’re sure that little plan of yours will actually work?” He pulled you closer to him by pulling at your chair’s legs.

“no definitely not with those poor acting skills of yours for sure”

He unzips your left boot his fingers running down to calf you are supposed to relax but all you get is goosebumps.

“Your calf muscles are tense loosen up for me” he said light smacking the back of your leg.

“I am relaxed”

“If that’s how you look relaxed how do you look tensed? I’ll go from bottom to the top okay?”

From this moment onwards you have forgotten about everyone Trent Hannah your girls it’s just Jude now.

He started at your ankle and then abruptly stopped and looked at you. Oh, he saw the tattoo you had of Trent’s name. You felt his eyes glooming and the way he just completely ignored the area and wasn’t even touching it as if it would burn him if he did.

“Say something,” he said.

“What do you want me to say,” you told him you noticed that you have been looking everywhere but him. Looking at him gripping your legs focusing on nothing but you, sucked the life out of you. He was rubbing your calf muscles with both hands using long upward strokes not minding the fact that you almost had a stroke.

“Does it feel good?” In normal circumstances that would’ve sounded weird af to you but for some reason you haven’t even noticed yourself humming to him.

“Use your words, y/n” your breath hitched and suddenly your mouth is dry you can’t utter a word. It feels as if you are under his mercy

The higher he gets the better it feels and the rougher the kneading gets.

“Jude,” you couldn’t help but groan, biting your lip to stop it from getting louder.

“I’m sorry I’ll go sof-“ he said thinking that you’re in pain until he looked at you to find you more than enjoying whatever he’s doing. His hands stoping at the back of your thighs where the dress was stopping him part of you wants to pull your dress upwards to give him room to continue whatever he’s doing.

You wanted to praise the lord when you felt his fingers slipping under your dress then it all stopped when he withdrew his hands. He helped you put on your boot and you stood up to properly put your feet inside and zipped it.

“You are going to make me lose my fucking mind, Jude Bellingham”

He leaned to your ear only to say,

“I’ll make you fucking obsessed y/n watch me cause I just started.”

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Jameson

Jac: [An appropriate amount of time that the conversation could have taken place]

Jac: Tell me when she’s finished

Jameson: I’m done

Jac: I had to give her the chance to tell you herself, I’m sorry

Jameson: I know, it’s okay

Jameson: well, it’s fucking not, but between us anyway

Jac: I hate to say I’m more shocked at him but

Jac: I literally am, I’m not going to pretend otherwise

Jameson: she’s a school kid, he’s not

Jac: Yeah, it’s disgusting but I wasn’t even going to go there with her on that point

Jac: because it’s not the point but also, what the fuck

Jameson: I introduced them, and that’s the tip of the iceberg of what I’ve trusted him with

Jameson: I’m supposed to shoot with him tomorrow, share the same hotel room

Jameson: I just

Jac: I know

Jac: what are you going to do

Jac: about tomorrow, not long term

Jameson: Cancel

Jameson: I’ve never called in sick before, that much’ll be fine

Jac: I wish you could fucking bill her for the cheque you’ll miss out on

Jac: likewise mum and dad for all the free childcare, food, shelter, she is just expecting

Jameson: Maybe he was planning to buy her continued silence once the baby’s born cos he sure as shit wasn’t ever gonna say a thing to me about being the father to my niece or nephew

Jac: I doubt it

Jac: It’s not as if she would think to ask

Jac: I’d somewhat respect her if she did but no

Jameson: yeah, I’m giving them both too much credit, he won’t have said a word to her either

Jac: It’s so fucking

Jac: tragic

Jac: literally, even more so than previously thought

Jameson: and who the hell is the bigger dickhead here? At least he only lied to her face for one night

Jameson: now I’m a joke, along with the entire brand I’ve built around him

Jac: There has to be a way to disentangle your work from his

Jac: without outing this because it wouldn’t just tarnish his name

Jac: I’m going to ask the law students I know, as well as just think on it

Jameson: we’re an us right now, that’s how everyone wants it, there’s no way that won’t make me look unprofessional and if I get a reputation as someone who’s difficult to work with, I might as well forget it

Jac: He was unprofessional first

Jac: You need to talk him into being the one to break the contracts

Jac: he can be the one who thinks up the bloody story, he can at least do that much

Jac: you can threaten to out the truth without actually doing it, or intending to

Jameson: He’s also the one with a famous rock star dad, not me

Jac: I know

Jac: but fucking hell, if he was ever really your friend

Jac: he could make some effort to not ruin your career, Jesus

Jameson: he obviously wasn’t, or he’d have told me after it happened

Jac: Just don’t do anything hasty, okay

Jac: he’ll be more useful if he’s scared of losing something himself

Jameson: I don’t know what to do, hasty or otherwise

Jac: I don’t either

Jac: this is the worst, I can’t believe they’ve done this to you

Jameson: it could’ve been worse if you hadn’t forced Jude to tell me the truth, I know I can’t trust Raff anymore, which is good knowledge to have before we sign some massive new contract

Jac: She was wrong for trying to keep it from you

Jac: even if this is going to be messy, and we can’t work it out fully, you still need to know

Jameson: I get that I work loads, but I still thought I’d been a better sister than this

Jac: I know I weren’t so

Jac: but working under the assumption she’s not completely full of shit, she thought she was doing you a massive favour not telling you sooner

Jac: which proves she’s a total child but still

Jameson: yeah, she said, when I’d gotten her to stop crying and actually talk

Jac: Jesus 🙄

Jameson: it’s like trying to be fuming at one of the pups, meaning I don’t know where to put how I really feel

Jac: She thinks she can cry her way out of everything

Jac: Not how life works

Jameson: won’t get me any more sick days when I still don’t wanna go back to work after tomorrow

Jac: Exactly

Jac: I’m so angry at her

Jameson: He literally hangs around models all day, why my little sister?

Jac: Opportunity

Jac: men don’t think like that

Jameson: stupid of me to reckon I had any idea how his mind works

Jac: I know you trusted him

Jac: he clearly didn’t see it as the betrayal it is

Jac: and you wouldn’t have known if she didn’t get knocked up

Jameson: but she did and it is, so here we are

Jac: Are you going to talk to him?

Jameson: God knows how but I’ll have to

Jac: Do you want me to talk to him first

Jameson: you’ve already had to do more than you should’ve

Jameson: even Savannah and her sister have been involved

Jac: Thank God she did blab to Sienna

Jac: What if Toby came to her in a years time, ten years, whatever, and wanted to be involved

Jac: She’s so fucking stupid

Jameson: Whenever we think she’s stopped making a mess of things, it gets bigger

Jac: I don’t know what to do anymore

Jac: I really don’t

Jameson: what’s next, like?

Jac: If she has twins I’m officially calling the social

Jameson: I’m this close to getting on the first plane I can afford as is

Jac: I’d sooner never come back

Jameson: very relatable

Jac: Unfortunately

Jac: she’s very welcome for the pity party she can have

Jameson: she can go all in and have it on my birthday if she wants, I’m not in the mood

Jac: We should actually do something though

Jac: make sure you’re at least somewhere nearby

Jameson: Aren’t you going away with Sav?

Jameson: I should probably be somewhere near Italy or France

Jac: Well contrary to how she’s made it, I was actually trying to be a better sister in general

Jac: we should be able to meet in one of the two

Jameson: I’ll definitely be free if I can’t get booked

Jac: We’re not letting that happen

Jac: a rebrand, definitely

Jameson: it is a bit weird how invested everybody is in my completely invented love life, I wouldn’t miss it

Jac: Exactly, you don’t want to do those sort of shoots forever

Jac: and not solely those, either

Jameson: something to do tomorrow that isn’t just feeling like shit sounds like a 🥇💡

Jac: We’re not going to pretend she’s done you a favour because any hint of that and she’ll be clinging to it for all it’s worth

Jac: but you’re actually decent at your job, he just has a name and a rich dad

Jameson: You’ve never liked him, bit rude of your intuition not to go any further but

Jac: I’m sure she’d say I don’t like anyone

Jac: He’s also not attractive but I guess that’s secondary to cash

Jameson: it might be, but it’s cheered me up that you’ve said it

Jac: If anything, we’re allowed to drag him privately

Jac: publicly tbd

Jameson: I could always become an actress after selling for the cameras that we’re couple goals

Jac: 🤣

Jac: I don’t envy you, aside from the obvious reason why

Jameson: I don’t envy your uni course load, but I probably could go if I have to rebrand that hard, I’m not recognised everywhere, just loads of places

Jac: become a model that bangs on about her degree 💄🧠

Jac: you wouldn’t be the first or last

Jac: It isn’t going to end you, there’s no way

Jac: there’ll be the crazies who are mad/sad but most people over the age of 12 need to know it wasn’t real

Jameson: I’m not ready for it to be over

Jac: It isn’t

Jameson: I’ve worked too hard for it to be, not for a fuck up that ain’t mine

Jac: Who in this day and age is going to side with a boy blindly

Jameson: some of the lads I work with are SO unbelievably hot and I’ve never been for a drink or nowt with any of them cos I’m not trying to blur boundaries and put my job at risk and Raff just don’t even care

Jac: He can afford to

Jac: literally and with the double standard of it all

Jameson: there is no line for him, no wonder he didn’t bother to tell me, it wouldn’t occur to him he’s crossed one when he’s used to being able to do whatever he wants

Jac: Typical rich boy

Jac: I know this sucks though, he clearly acted like he weren’t that

Jameson: Typical Jude to take something from me and make it all about her

Jac: She really was waiting in the wings to be the sister who made it real 🙄

Jac: it’s ridiculous

Jameson: I don’t get to be upset cos her life is more ruined

Jac: It’s not cool that he betrayed you, but he didn’t do fuck all wrong to her

Jac: she’s made every decision since, if her life is ruined, it’s her fault

Jameson: at least you get it

Jac: Here’s hoping if I say it enough she’ll actually realize it’s her and her decisions

Jac: not holding my breath

Jameson: I can’t talk to her until she does

Jac: You can’t feel bad about that, we can’t

Jac: she has support, she isn’t alone

Jac: idk what the fuck she wants, a friggin baby shower and us to feel her bump or some shit

Jac: but her not getting that doesn’t mean she’s being victimized, like

Jameson: she’s not alone but she’s made sure I am, out on a weird fucking limb I didn’t ask to be on

Jac: I hope you told her all this

Jac: or I fucking will

Jac: more than I did beforehand, anyway

Jameson: there’s no point, she might go to the pub with her co-workers, or you know, did before, but she doesn’t get that Raff weren’t just teaching me the ropes at [whatever Pete’s record store cafe is called where Jude sometimes works]

Jac: It’s like she doesn’t live on the same planet, I swear

Jac: God knows where she came from

Jameson: I don’t talk about how lonely and homesick and daunted I was when I started, or any of the negatives honestly, cos that was my decision, but I shouldn’t have to explain that he was my mate and how few of them I have

Jac: You aren’t allowed to talk about it with 99% of people already

Jac: and she clearly thinks your life is perfect, nothing less

Jac: she doesn’t get it, at all, add it to the long list

Jameson: I knew she didn’t, but I thought he did

Jac: I know

Jac: finding out he wasn’t legit was never going to be good but this is possibly the worst way

Jameson: I hate that we’re in different countries when I found this out, you’re like the only trustworthy person left

Jac: 🥺

Jac: I don’t suppose extending the day off to a long weekend is a good idea?

Jameson: I could be fake sick that long, but I don’t wanna Jude my way into your life cos I can’t drop any of my 💔 into the group chat with [her friends names, however many of them are still around at this point]

Jac: I definitely owe you, okay, two years worth of not being there is a lot of long weekends

Jac: If you want to, you can

Jameson: You and Sav deserve a break from all this bollocks, we only just found out she was pregnant a bit ago

Jameson: I’ll be okay

Jac: We all do

Jac: do something fun in [whatever country she is in rn] that you wouldn’t have had the chance to do before

Jameson: alright, I will

Jac: and [something more nerdy] for me

Jameson: 😏👌

Jac: I notice that lack of a firm yes but okay

Jameson: I’ll send you a 🤓 selfie, okay?

Jac: 👍

Jac: and I’ll work out where we’ll be for your birthday, that’ll dictate what we do 🥂🏖🎭🏛🩰🏞🎨🛍🎼 yeah?

Jameson: yeah

Jameson: and tell your girlfriend I said tah for having a little sister who knows how to make a decision that’s not total shit

Jac: Ikr?

Jac: not about to tell her she’s SO lucky but…

Jameson: but I’m lucky to not still be in the dark about who Raff is

Jameson: so I appreciate it

Jac: I’ll let them both know

Jac: and make sure Jude doesn’t come at Sienna for letting us know

Jameson: and then take a break

Jac: I don’t think that’s on the to-do list

Jameson: I think you could get Sav to * it

Jac: Probably 😌

Jameson: go on, you’ve admitted you need one, that’s the hard bit

Jac: Thank God it’s Summer at least

Jac: If I had to deal with this and revise, nah

Jameson: If I had to be home with her rn

Jameson: my phone nearly didn’t survive how hard I chucked it after hanging up

Jac: I know the feeling

Jac: and the likelihood of her having an ugly kid isn’t a good enough consolation prize tbh

Jameson: Don’t, his face is literally on billboards here, even if he’s not trying to speak to me in person about what happened, he’s everywhere anyway

Jac: It’s really giving shit psychological thriller

Jac: 👀 on you at all times 😷

Jameson: and how good I look up there too is no consolation prize

Jac: but thank god you don’t look like shit, that’s the last thing you need

Jameson: I need to go for a run

Jac: Good idea

Jac: I’ll meanwhile try to remember what the hell I was doing before yet another bombshell was dropped

Jameson: Good luck

Jac: It’ll be alright, you know

Jac: I promise

Jameson: I don’t know but

Jameson: at least a promise coming from you is more reassuring than one of Jude’s

Jameson: or anything else she said

Jac: She’s not even reassuring herself

Jac: if this wasn’t her choice, or she was willing to be persuaded to make the right one

Jac: then we could help but

Jac: well

Jameson: 🤞 the baby isn’t ugly, it can have a go at modelling and get further than me

Jac: I don’t want to think about it’s lack of a future

Jac: or hers

Jameson: just mine then

Jac: Come on

Jac: we’re going to sort this

Jac: fix her fuckups like always

Jameson: Yeah, sorry, it was just loads to hear for such a short phone call

Jac: ‘course, I get it

Jac: we’re all spiralling

Jac: I’m just trying to keep us on track and not catastrophize

Jameson: that’s you and her with your polar opposite approaches covered, like

Jameson: meanwhile I’m just ignoring his messages

Jac: what’s he saying, trying to

Jac: he’s got nerve, give him that

Jameson: nowt that sounds enough like soz I impregnated your sister, here’s how I’m gonna sort it

Jac: He’s helped her ruin her life, period

Jac: because she’s not going to be talked ‘round, even by him

Jameson: if mum and dad can’t and nan won’t, that’s that

Jac: Yep

Jac: and we’ve all got to just

Jac: live with it

Jameson: and I’ve got to work around it on top of that

Jameson: fuck’s sake, I was getting somewhere

Jac: it’s not fair

Jac: she’s ruined everyone’s hard work, literally

Jac: what was the point of mum and dad doing things different, doing it right

Jac: for her to turn right back ‘round and fuck it all up, literal square 1

Jameson: Dad’s gonna have to bring clients back to a house where there’s a screaming kid

Jac: She better move to nans if she wants to be her so bad

Jac: I’m not being dramatic, I can’t bear to see her right now and I don’t know when I will be able to again

Jameson: poor Cam won’t have nowhere to sleep if she don’t

Jac: wouldn’t even want her around Jude if I was Bob or her mum

Jac: can’t have it being a trend, fucking hell

Jameson: her mum’ll love the excuse to stop her coming round as much, well done Jude

Jac: She should chat to her

Jac: they were in uni and look at what a completely subpar mum she is

Jameson: Jude would have to go properly deaf to get that charity off her

Jac: She only shouts like she’s hard of hearing, I know

Jac: she’ll just pretend she LOVES being a mum and do nothing with her life and hope someone writes a shit song about her

Jac: not a waste at all, so happy for her

Jameson: I’m going for my run before I do something you warned me against earlier

Jac: Sorry, go

Jac: it’s not time-sensitive anymore

Jac: it just still feels like an emergency

Jameson: it’s cos we know she’s still got time to do the right thing, even though we obviously also know she ain’t gonna

Jac: yeah

Jac: but seriously, go run, that’s sensible

Jameson: I’ll talk to you tomorrow

Jac: We can facetime

Jac: assuming you don’t look like total shit now 😘

Jameson: I probably do but you’re not in charge of my bookings so 🤷‍♀️

Jac: Thank God

Jac: Sav wants to speak to you more

Jac: I’d have hoped it’d be under less awkward circumstances but she still wants to so

Jac: pretend we’re not completely fucked as a family, or something

Jameson: she’d be the last person to judge someone else’s fucked family dynamics

Jameson: but if her dad’s willing to drag Jude to Sligo I wouldn’t say no rn

Jac: True but let’s say that in a less we’re judging yours kinda way

Jac: I’m sure he’d love to get her far away from Sienna by any means necessary though

Jameson: Poor Sav is never gonna be able to tell him how connected she is to you and this family at this rate

Jac: It was bad enough without this actual shit

Jac: I won’t blame her if she doesn’t

Jameson: I know it was

Jac: I don’t care

Jac: it’s all so new anyway

Jameson: if you do care, that’s alright, you’re allowed to reckon it’s another unfair thing

Jac: No, I don’t

Jac: It’s not like I want to talk to her father any more than he wants to talk to me, really

Jac: as long as she’s happy

Jameson: I don’t need facetime to work out she is, about that bit of life anyway

Jac: 🤞

Jameson: *👍✔️

Jac: alright, nerd

Jac: maybe you’ll meet some boys you can ask out for coffee on this run

Jameson: 🤞 I don’t now I’ve got a whole career rebrand to sort out, I was too busy before

Jameson: also boys plural is a bit rude

Jac: A boy per run, don’t get crazy

Jameson: it’s crazy enough I feel like I got cheated on, maybe when I’m not reeling from all the fake relationship drama

Jac: You don’t feel as lonely now

Jac: do you?

Jameson: Ask me when I’ve done my first shoot without him, that’ll be when it starts actually feeling real

Jac: Right

Jac: I’m sorry it’s so shit

Jameson: he wasn’t the only good thing about it, I’ll be alright

Jac: You’re not that daft

Jameson: it’s my job and I love it, before him and after

Jac: I’m really glad

Jameson: okay, I’m really going before this gets any closer to 😭

Jameson: I’ve got enough problems without being puffy

Jac: make sure your roller is in the freezer

Jameson: ‘course

[walkerwords]

“The Savior Sessions” Part 11 of 33 - Negan x GN!Reader

IMAGE CREDIT: GENE PAGE/AMC

SERIES MASTERLIST

Summary: Part 11! The reader has to greet the newcomers and try to convince Michonne to do the right thing...

Word Count: 2584

Warning: Swearing

Song I Wrote To: “Off My Mind” by Radio Company

Note: Bit more of a filler, but I am slowly trying to map out the timeline that extends from the beginning of the whisperers all the way through s10 finale. I am going to be staying as close to canon as possible with a few changes. For example, Negan getting out, certain deaths, and of course Alpha and company. There will be spoilers in the upcoming chapters.

------

Staring at the group in front of you, you felt an immense amount of pressure building in your chest. 

The man before you, Luke, was still gripping your hand. He was waiting for you to say something, but your brain was moving a mile a minute. Not just because of Negan, but because you hadn’t been faced with a decision such as this one. Michonne was the one to make the rules.

It was an unspoken thing, her reign over Alexandria. Before Rick had died, he was the one in charge, but since the bridge incident, the council had been born. However, everyone knew that if Michonne said no, that was the law and she would not be happy with what was happening right now. 

“This isn’t my decision,” you said, taking back your hand from the stranger and giving your full attention to Aaron. 

“It is now,” he said, and coming up behind him was Gabriel who was nodding in agreement. You looked back to the newcomers and noticed one of the women was signing to another, translating everything that was going on. You also noticed that the woman who was injured wasn’t looking much better. 

“(Y/N),” Judith said, pulling your attention. You looked down at the girl, worry still on her freckled face. “This is Luke, Connie, Kelly, Magna, and Yumiko. They need medicine and water, please.” All you wanted to do was be there for the little girl, but you had never been put in this position before. 

“I don’t know what to do,” you admitted. “Michonne, your mom, she needs to be the one to make this decision.” Judith frowned, ready to make her case when suddenly the far gate opened and you heard the unmistakable pounding of hooves along the road. Michonne was home. “Oh, thank god,” you whispered.

“(Y/N), please,” Judith begged. You reached down and squeezed the hand that was gripping the bottom of your shirt. 

“I’m sorry, Jude, but it’s up to your mom,” you said, and with barely a glance towards Luke and Company, you jogged over to Michonne as she dismounted from her horse. 

“What is this?” Michonne asked, already seeing the small group forming around the others. 

“Judith found them,” you explained and it was enough for Michonne to rub the space between her eyebrows. 

“My kid, always the good one,” she muttered and then let out a deep sigh. It was then that you could already tell what she was thinking and it wasn’t good. 

“Michonne,” you began, “just let Siddiq look at the woman. She’s hurt and Judith saved them. I know your rules, but we’ll keep them under guard.”

“You know that we can’t,” Michonne said, her hand snaking back around her waist to hold onto the sheath that held her katana. You noticed that she did that whenever she was on edge. It seemed that was her natural state these days, not that you could blame her. Michonne had seen enough terror in her life to last a lifetime.

“We are better than this and you know it,” you challenged. Michonne blinked at your strong tone but relaxed her arms. 

“I am thinking of our people, (Y/N),” she said back, staring you down. 

“And you don’t think I am? Alexandria has always been a place of refuge. What would our people think if we just said, ‘good luck people, go and fend for your damn selves,’?” you asked, crossing your arms. 

“We did,” Michonne reminded you and your mind flashed back to those days on the road after Terminus. You glared at the woman, knowing that she was trying to get you to cave, but you had dealt with enough of your own bullshit over the years. 

“Aaron found us,” you argued. “He invited us here and you were one of the only ones to convince Rick to accept Alexandria. Aaron took a chance on us and because of us, we helped this place thrive. Hilltop, Kingdom, Oceanside, all of them accepted us and we helped them because we believed that there were more good people out there.” 

“You weren’t there, (Y/N),” Michonne said and you knew what she was referring to. Only she and Daryl had witnessed the horrors of Jocelyn. You weren’t even sure if Judith remembered the day she was taken. 

“I know,” you said, this time your tone much softer. “However, I also know that we are not the kind of people who have stopped caring.” She was quiet for a moment, thinking over your words and eventually she hung her head before looking back towards Aaron. Her eyes fell on her daughter who was looking at her with those big brown eyes of her and the determination of a Grimes. She looked back at you and then nodded. 

“I will speak to the council,” she settled on and you sighed, 

“Thank you, Michonne,” you said and she nodded once before grabbing her bag and heading over to her daughter who was still looking at her with a pleading expression. Not wanting to intrude, you decided to head out of the community to make sure that nobody had followed them 

The last thing you needed was for Michonne to blame you for something you championed for.

------

You had killed a lot of Walkers since the beginning of the Apocalypse, but it still never failed to gross you out. 

Once you realized that the group had been alone, after all, you began the trek back towards Alexandria. Nevertheless, the monsters of the new world had still managed to ruin your day. After fighting through a small pack of them, you were exhausted.

Your mind began to wander towards Hilltop as you walked through the woods. You hadn’t been to see Jesus in some time and you were missing him a lot. When you had met the eccentric man the day Rick and Daryl dragged him into Alexandria, the two of you had connected almost immediately.

With your skills as a long-distance fighter and his close-quarter combat ones, you were an unusual, but strong duo. You often worked as a spotter for the man, keeping your hand on the Walkie as he fought through hoards of Walkers or smaller groups of Saviors. Then, when Paul had approached you about taking the survivors of a Savior outpost back to Hilltop to keep them as prisoners instead of killing them, you had backed him. 

Maggie was not thrilled that you were not willing to kill the Saviors, but that wasn’t how you thought anymore. You knew that you had to kill to survive some times, you had even done it yourself, but there came a time when the killing had to end. 

Jesus always told you that holding grudges would never amount to anything and you believed him. It was why you had never told anyone that Rick had actually come to you to discuss what he was going to do with Negan.

You had told Negan that there wasn’t a vote, but what it actually was, was a conversation between you and the man you trusted most in your life. You weren’t sure if even Michonne knew what was going to happen on that field when Rick slit open Negan’s throat. 

That day had been one that nobody wanted to remember. There was already too much loss on both sides and after losing Carl, nobody wanted there to be more carnage.

Well, except for Maggie Rhee.

You couldn’t even begin to think about what she would be thinking right now if she knew what you were feeling when it came to the man who murdered her husband. 

You were close to Maggie once, but after Glenn died, the two of you had begun to pull away from each other. You both missed Glenn, but while you were just trying to resolve the issue, Maggie was out for revenge. Never once did you blame her for it, she had every right to want Negan dead, but you weren’t so sure that Negan was still that man. 

At least that was what you felt. 

As you approached the main gates of your home, that analytical side of you, the one that made you such a great teacher, began hounding you. You couldn’t stop all the scenarios that ran through your head and all the possible negative reactions that could happen if anyone outside of Alexandria found out about you and Negan.

However, there was still one thing that offered you comfort. You knew that your best friend, Paul, would not judge you and as you stepped into Alexandria, you felt the urge to run all the way to Hilltop. Instead, you let Eugene roll the gate behind you and seal it shut.

--------

The next day, Judith Grimes sat on the steps of her home as she did her homework.

“Airplane ‘A’ and airplane ‘B’ are 1000 miles apart. If airplane ‘A’ is flying east at 500 miles per hour and airplane ‘B’ is flying west at 650 miles per hour, how…”

“You know what?” Negan interrupted, “I would definitely recommend booking a seat on airplane ‘C,’ because that is shaping up to be one hell of a mid-air collision.”

“You gonna help me or what?” Judith asked with a frown, the small sheriff figurine in her hand as she read from her textbook. Negan chuckled, watching her from the small window of his cell. 

“All right. Let me ask you somethin',” he began, “you ever seen an airplane fly in any direction, at any speed?” 

“No,” Judith said. 

“Do you think you ever will?” Negan asked. 

“Probably not,” Judith said. 

“So, what the hell difference does it make?” Negan asked. “See, math problems are supposed to apply to the real world. You want my help? Give me a question or a problem from right here, right now.” Judith was silent for a moment as Negan waited patiently for her to continue, but instead of math, she diverted the conversation. 

“You know the strangers we brought here yesterday? My mom's gonna make them leave,” Judith said with a sigh, pushing up the brim of her hat slightly. 

“Well, no, I didn't know,” Negan said with a smile, “but let me guess. You being you, you wanna help 'em.”

“I found 'em. I brought 'em here,” Judith argued. 

“What does (Y/N) think? Ain’t they second in command or somethin’?” Negan asked, wondering where your head was at. 

“They think that they should be able to stay,” Judith revealed, closing her book and bracing her elbows on the cover. 

“Does your mom agree?” Negan asked. 

“No, but (Y/N) got her to let Laura stay after the war,” Judith explained. “They’ll get Mom to let these people stay too. I’m almost positive.” That bit of news had Negan slightly surprised. 

“They wanted Laura to stay?”  he asked. While he knew that Laura was the tamer of his former fighters, she was still a Savior and he didn’t think her transition into Alexandria would have been that easy. 

“(Y/N) wanted as many people to live after the war as possible,” Judith told him, “They don’t like it when people die. I like that about them.”

“Me too,” Negan said softly. 

“What are you two chattin’ about?” you said as you approached the duo. Negan’s eyes lit up as you came into view, a bottle of water swinging from your fingers as you looked at Judith with a smirk on your lips. 

“Math,” Judith said nonchalantly. 

“Mmhmm,” you said, not buying it for a second. “Your momma is askin’ for you, Jude,” you said with a nod towards her house behind her. 

“Okay, fine,” Judith said with a sigh. 

“Wait a minute,” Negan said, “Where you going? I thought you wanted my help.” you looked over at him with a smile and he sent you a wink. 

“I do, but just with math,” Judith said, gathering up her stuff.

“Why just math?” he asked. 

“Because it doesn't matter if you're a good or bad person on the inside. The numbers don't care,” she said with a shrug as she jogged up the steps and into her house. You watched her, your mouth open in shock. 

“Wow,” Negan said as soon as the door closed behind her. “Since when is she that sassy?”

“Since she was born,” you said with a snort as you leaned against the gate, turning your back to him. “Just lettin’ ya know, shit might start hittin’ the fan. Michonne is on edge.” 

“Ain’t she always?” Negan asked with a sigh. “This about the newcomers the kid found?” You nodded, twisting off the cap of your bottle.

“She thinks Hilltop will take them. Apparently, the meeting didn’t go too well. One of the women is a bit… edgy.”

“Will Maggie take them?” Negan asked. 

“It’s not up to Maggie. It’ll be up to Jesus and Tara,” you explained. “Maggie isn’t at Hilltop.”

“No?” Negan asked in that curious tone you liked so much. 

“She went away for a bit,” you said, “At least that’s what Enid told me last time I talked to her.”

“So what does this mean?” 

“It means that Michonne is going to have to finally talk to the people we once considered friends.”

“And you?” he asked. 

“I am going to have to keep my head on a swivel,” you said with a sigh. All the drama that had come up hadn’t helped the insomnia that had crept up on you in the past couple of weeks. 

“Which you will, of course,” he said and you rolled your eyes. 

“You really have so much faith in me, don’t you?” you asked with a sly smile. 

“I like to put my money on people I know will win,” Negan said and you just knew he was shrugging.

“What exactly is the competition?”  you wondered. 

“Life,” he simply said. 

“I am not so sure you can win at life, Negan,” you said with a small chuckle, drinking from your bottle.

“I don’t know, (Y/N), I seem to be doing pretty damn well,” he said, his voice lower and you almost choked on your water right then.  You weren’t quite sure what to follow with after that statement and he seemed to realize. “Too strong?” he asked, worried he may have pushed it a bit far. 

“No, no,” you said, turning to face him. “I just, uh,...” you tried to find the words.

“You’re blushin’,” he pointed out with a sly smirk.

“It’s hot,” you said. 

“Not really,” he whispered back. 

“Shut up.”

“Is that a challenge?” he asked with a quirk of his brow. 

“It’s an order. I am still technically your warden.”

“I thought that was only when I was in your bed,” he said as he wet his lips with that grin of his. 

“You were never in my bed, just beside it,” you clarified.

“Optics,” he said with a  wink, and you were reminded of the time you had said the same thing to him when discussing the details of who started the war. Pushing off the gate, you straightened your clothes. 

“I am going to go and do something...something else,” you said, still flustered. 

“Yeah, maybe ask Siddiq about what to do about a heatstroke,” he teased and you flipped him off. “How adorable,” he cooed. 

“I hate you!” you called as you walked away.

“No, you don’t!” he yelled back and you chuckled under your breath. 

No, you really didn’t.

TAGS: amaroho  @thanossexual @yes-sir-hotchner @boom-bunny @delusionalteenagewhispers @scootankle @ritajammer21 @writteriguess @tea-atfive @jennydehavilland​ @halszka-potter​ @yespleasejayhalstead​ @fmunegan @hoemadegrace

[wellntruly]

THE NEW POPE - 1x08

I can’t believe these bitches are waiting until the FINAL EPISODE to put Law Pope and Malkovich Pope in the same room, but also that’s exactly what I would have done. I’m bitches.

Anyway the scene where Lenny and Voiello are plotting together and they bring back the Levo song from The Young Pope fueled me with a pure energy that burned bright and clean.

New Pope Live-Bloggin’ No. 8

Wait BALDY commands Essence?? In what capacity and to what ends???!

Describes Leopold Essence as “a ghostly figure.” God I’m so into the way Bauer sees the world. Who are you. And what do you do. For whom.

Me when I’ve moved on to a new show

His vape pen is now a little dude in a double-breasted jacket

Wanna place bets on the *last* thing Bauer tells Voiello being that Lenny is awake

Oh! Oh I am legitimately surprised that someone else killed Francis II before you could get there!

Oh wait you just mean LENNY? Outrageous, so fun

About as fun as transitioning from Voiello learning that Lenny’s back into his beach creds

Hah he’s still in his Steve Rogers streetwear disguise

I want Lenny to smile appreciably at me like this. Is this what it’s like to have daddy issues.

And a fridge stacked with Cherry Coke Zero, THEY LOVE HIM

Oh you’re NOT organized crime?

Wait are we supposed to think Faisal did it, because I absolutely do not. As if he would risk hurting his baby mama! As if the Syrian refugee would be like oh I know the answer: bombs. No!

the fucking aesthetic! tho! Brannox!

Gutierrez always expected Lenny to come back, FAITHFUL 😩

UM, extremely UMm, is Assente trying to keep Gutierrez away from Lenny???!! A Plot!!

Javier this face!! This combination of sad affront and ‘mf you can try..’

“How is your toy boy?” Ohhhh no

Calmly and clearly: “His name is Freddy, and I think he’s fine.” Bernardo you are an entire delight.

Bernardo Gutierrez: “I read [your tract] and complied.” Bernardo Gutierrez: “Did you.”

hOLY SHIT Don Cavallo!!??!! the Assente plot really kicking the fuck up here isn’t it!

I gasped SO LOUD at Sofia’s “intimate” act being to start applying mascara to Brannox’s eyelashes! Ugh god bless this show

I love Sofia, she’s so right about people being drawn to someone revealing a tenderly dorky side of themselves, because we feel embarrassed about ourselves too

Who is truly a punk though is Cardinal Gutierrez, straight up ignoring Assente’s order to not fraternize with Lenny, and fraternizing the hell out of Lenny, Gutierrez-style: showing him all the boxes of letters children sent him while he was in a coma, and revealing that of course he has read all of them

Sofia rolling over in her bed and turning into Adam is….something we’re not gonna unpack!

“I was too strung out on heroin so I just sat there, and watched him bleed to death.” Whoa.

Aaah this abrupt transition---where Brannox is, is dark, and where Lenny is, is bright. And fucking asking Voiello who he is, in front of a small round empty swimming pool somewhere in the Vatican. SORRENTINO.

Uuuuugh, that Levo track from S1 coming in again as Voiello lays out his plan to reintroduce Lenny as AN AGENT OF CATHOLIC CHAOS. Lenny smiling slyly! LOVE YOU TWO LIKE THIS. LOVE THIS.

This dance as they can’t figure out if they should hug or what oh my GOD I’m cackling. Silvio Orlando and Jude Law are like acting soulmates, so glad you found each other.

“Do you remember Adam’s millipede? He thought it was God, but he was wrong, it was Satan. Even Adam made mistakes.” [mildly] What The Fuck

The Abbess walking back and forth on the table between them oh my god

Voiello is still referring to Lenny as the Pope as he talks to Girolamo

Oh no Girolamo!

Hah you got him, Sister Lisette. So into the revolutionary nun, would follow on Nun Twitter.

Oh this rock formation is very cursed, I don’t like it

This is the episode where everyone’s like Voiello we need you, and Voiello doesn’t even gloat he’s just like ah thank you. It’s good!

This man with his clams and his flip phone, I just..

It’s a good eulogy, Voiello

Sister Lisette was working with Voiello to get that kompromat, fuck yeah. The Nunnery Secretary of State.

I mean Assente I do enjoy you, but you are also cruel and you have to go

Lenny hugging his loyal little nun friend, pure, I MAY have teared up, it’s fine!!

Jude Law oh my god. IMPOSSIBLE to explain what it’s like to have this face be a drop reveal.

HooOowwwWw is Essence is so unnerving!

I would be very interested in Bauer actually, for reals, being God. Like why not.

I appreciate the girl letting out a single victorious “Hah” and Brauer echoing it in support of her

Fuck I love when Lenny preaches MYSTERY

He praises the sisters for being “different, and mysterious,” in comparison to the priests, whom he finds kind of lame. THIS IS ALL SO LENNY. He’s controlling them, and he’s not being progressive, he’s being strict, but he’s also being kind of Greater than that? PIUS XIII

Wow INTENSE strobe effect over the doctor in Vienna being mobbed by photographers

Lenny is standing bare ass naked in flip flops in the empty pool, gazing at his embroidered papal robes. STILL worried tumblr’s gonna try to Block The Butt so leaving this up (if I can) as a special treat! Anyway finale next.

- - - - -

The New Pope: First Episode, Second Episode, Third Episode, Fourth Episode, Fifth Episode, Sixth Episode, Seventh Episode

The Young Pope: Masterpost

[dancing-the-hellfire-rumba]

Dear Hannah,

Pairing: technically Destiel, but that’s not what this is about Word Count: 4.9k (wow wtf) Warnings: mentions of self-harm, cancer, shitty father John (as per usual), angst and angst and father-daughter love and angst. Summary: When Dean, strapped to a bed, coughing up a storm, catches sight of his newly-adopted baby girl, he decides that, if he is to leave this world, he has to leave something behind for his favorite person. So he writes a booklet, trying to tell her all the things he would’ve if he was alive. Author’s note: This was originally done for @welldonebeca​ ‘s 2019 Song Challenge but I fucked up thinking the deadline was the 31st of October instead of the 15th. Whatever the case, my prompt was movement, by Hozier, which I interpreted as Dean being fascinated by his daughter enough that he’s inspired to write a letter book to her. Of course this wouldn’t be the entire thing, but I had to keep it under wraps.

Feedback is always welcome! No beta, all mistakes are my own.

~~~~

Hannah,

Christ, it’s the third time I’m starting this. The truth is, I’m coming up with blanks as to how to actually start. This has got to be the best I’ve got.

I’ll tell you the moral of this story, my story,  from the get-go. Life’s a fucking bitch, okay? I want you to know that from now. I’d try to hold back on my swearing, but I want you to know me as the person I am, the person I’ve always been. I know what having an absent, terrible father’s like, as you’ll soon see, and I don’t want that for you. I wish I could tell you all this up close, give you advice, tell you all my crazy-ass stories as the dumbass of the teenager I was, and all the shenanigans your uncle (wow, Sam really is a friggin’ uncle!), by a campfire, while you drink your first beer.

Sadly, my odds aren’t looking so great, honey. So this is all I got. I know it’ll never be enough but something is better than nothing.

Enough with the chick flick introduction, though. Let’s start.

The pen’s heavy in his hand, and it’s equal parts the mental heaviness, the weight of the task, as it is his fatigue. Dean’s really just started this. He can’t believe it. The heaviness of uncertainty, of whether or not he’ll get enough time to finish it settles on his chest like an anvil. There’s a solid chance he doesn’t make it before his time comes.

Hannah’s sitting right there, carelessly looking at the plastic, grinning stars above her crib. She’s so innocent, skin creamy, chocolaty and bright, a young, fearsome woman that’s gonna turn out to be so incredible, he’s certain. A small baby who’s soon to walk.

Dean already knows, this kid is destined for great things.

She’s gonna grow up, past the tutus and the miniature racing-car collections, she’s gonna have a movie she’ll play on repeat for ever and ever, with a song that he’ll learn by heart after having heard it so many times. She’s gonna go to high school and she’ll be bullied but she’ll learn to kick some serious ass. She’ll develop interests, she’ll have mediocre grades but a fiery passion and a love for anything alive.

She’ll, then, go to college. She’ll fall in love, with people and life itself. She’ll do what she loves most and she’ll be so damn good at it, she’ll excel.

And Dean… Dean will be nowhere near her to see all of it.

The bitterness… it makes his eyebrows stitch together, his lip curl in clear frustration and sadness. After everything he’s been through, finally finding the person he loves most and creating a full-ass apple pie life, and it’s all gonna be gone as soon as it started. Because, as he told his favorite Hannah, life’s a fucking bitch, and there’s no denying it.

As he lays there in his bed, pale as a sheet, watching her giggle for a while, reaching for the stars, soon yawning, small eyelids shutting softly and rocking just slightly, he… he falls in love with her. This tiny, tiny happy-beyond-words creature that could ask anything of him, and he’d do it, god damn it. He really would.

A giant bubble grows in his chest, a bubble that makes him feel like he’ll protect her at absolute all costs. He’ll grab the moon and fucking move it if that’s what she needs. And all she has to do is yawn and fall asleep.

A tear appears in the corner of his eye, lingering and falling down his ashy cheek. He can’t believe he brought this bright ray of sunshine to this world, and he’s about to make her live with an absent father. That he won’t get any memories with her at all. It’s torture. All of it.

He doesn’t know what else to do, so he grabs his pen with more determination. If he’s to leave her with something, it’ll be a part of him and that is that.

~~~~~

I was born on January 24th, 1979, the first son of a, dare I say, colossally unlucky family. Your uncle, Sam, my brother, is four years younger and will ALWAYS be a wimp, don’t let the height fool you. He always had terrible, shaggy hair and was always the sharpest tool in the box. Hell, the boy went to freaking LAW SCHOOL of all places! That’s kinda crazy!

My parents, your grandparents, were Mary and John.

Mary was a sweet, incredible, fearsome blonde woman, kindest of them all. She’d cut the crusts off my toast, sing Hey, Jude to me before bed and tell me angels were watching over me. (While we’re on the topic of the Beatles, make a note to listen to them. “Hey, Jude” must be your first song, but beyond the classics [Let it Be, Hard Day’s Night, I Saw Her Standing There, I Wanna Hold your hand etc] I hope “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds” will hold a special spot in your heart, much like me.)

So, Mary. Sweet Mary. She was a real badass, you know. This one time, Sammy was hungry, so I decided to make, get this, French fries. I think I was seven. She caught me getting ready to pour oil in a very hot pan. When I say she swooped in, I mean it, quite literally. I think she saved me a hand that day.

Now, about John…You’ll have to forgive the mess that I’m about to make with this, but John was a fucking sorry excuse of a father, alright? He got piss-drunk every night after Mom died, and naturally, Sam and I were the punching bags, sometimes literally. The best nights were the ones he wasn’t home.

For years, the house was silent. Sam and I tried to keep everything clean, stock up on canned food, because at times we would only have ten bucks to hold us for over two weeks. I took him to school, fed him, made sure he studied –not that I really had to- and kept John of his hair. At sixteen I picked up a shift at Bobby Singer’s garage, a man that, at this point, deserves the Dad title significantly more than John.

Whenever Sammy was sick, it was my fault. Was anyone loud? Dean’s fault. House dirty? Dean’s fault. Did we wake him up? …Let’s just say we learned not to do that.

I tried to put myself before Sam, did anything I could to protect him. There were times when that wasn’t even enough.

I dropped out of high school at seventeen. The second I saved up enough money, I rented a hole of an apartment at the other side of town, in an attempt to help Sam have a normal life, and we hauled ass out of there.

Before I tell you about our shitty apartment, let me tell you about the highlights of my high school career. Starting off with me “unintentionally” kicking a ball at my least favorite teacher’s face (and hitting him) ((Don’t take your father’s example, kid, violence isn’t the answer.)) (Did feel pretty good at the time though), making out with Jenny in the Janitor’s closet and with Arthur at the locker rooms afterhours (I don’t know what age you’re reading this at, but I sure hope it’s over 16). Also, that one time I pulled a prank at my friend, Cole. I spray painted his entire locker. He didn’t like me very much, to be honest…

~~~~~

An important story I feel inclined to share with you, would be the fact that I was once a bully.

Kids are just mean, but also, I couldn’t understand that troubles at home, traumatic pasts and anger are not to be taken out on other people who are not at fault. Instead of finding a healthy way to deal with everything that was happening at home, I decided that every happy person that was weak enough to meddle with, didn’t deserve any happiness.

I picked on a couple of people, but I think the one I will always regret will be Kevin Tran.

Kevin was a freshman when I was in junior year. He was in the Math club, the Science club and the Robotics club. He had maybe two friends, he was skinny, short, shy as hell, he drowned himself in oversized clothes and always carried a neon green book bag around, that worked on me like red cloth to a bull.

Every time I spotted the bag in the hallway, the drill would start. Shoving the poor kid against the locker, calling him names and laughing at his face for no apparent reason. I’d steal his calculators when I found out he had chemistry tests, spray paint the door of his locker and cause rib bruises from my shoving him against walls and furniture.

I soon find out Kevin was severely depressed. In fact, I saw him in the back of the school, where I’d usually go out to smoke because I thought it was cool (it’s not, it makes you light headed, unfocused and struggle to breathe. Just an all-around terrible experience, but this is just a side-note.)

It was a Friday after school. I didn’t wanna go straight home and Sam still had one more period, so I decided to go smoke and listen to some music in the back of the school building. And that’s where I found him.

I don’t know into how much detail I should go here, but Kevin was harming himself. With a small pocket knife, he sat on an old basket and made incisions on his arms, tears running down his face like a faucet. My God, Hannah, I’ve never felt like a bigger piece of shit in my life, because I knew, and I knew very well, that at least part of those incisions were caused by me.

I called out to him, and the look on his face, as he scrambled away from me, made me feel so much worse. I was the scum of the earth at that moment. I was the biggest asshole on the planet.

My initial reaction, I’ll admit, was pretty harsh. I grabbed the pocket knife out of his hands and threw it as far as possible in the grass. I grabbed a small first aid kit I had in my bag (in case anything happens to Sam), made him sit down by force and bandaged him up. He’d been reduced to sniffles by the time I was done.

Somewhere in between, I remember, he asked me why I was doing this. I didn’t answer.

Eventually, when I was done, I sat on the ground in front of him, ripping blades of grass from the ground. I apologized. Something along the lines of “I didn’t know, not that that’s an excuse. What I’m going through is not an excuse, but I hope it makes you understand that it was nothing to do with you. I’ll stop. I’m sorry. Don’t do this to yourself, man.”

That evening, Kevin was one of the very first people who found out about John. His own dad had passed away, and things at home were rough with his mom. That, along with the whole depression thing… it wasn’t a good combo.

After a solid two hours of talking with him, making amends, apologizing profusely and getting my apology accepted (which I absolutely didn’t deserve by the way,) we made it back out front.

From then on, I stopped picking on anyone. Kevin and I actually became really good friends, though we drifted apart eventually. I think he works in Google now.

This is really important. I want you to pay attention and take heed of my words. There are a couple lessons in this story.

One, be kind. Always  be kind. To everyone. It doesn’t matter if they’re going through a rough time or not, the same way it didn’t matter that Kevin’s father was dead. You don’t know the other person. There’s never a reason to not be kind, if the person has done nothing to you. A smile can make somebody’s day, a compliment can go a long way, and being open and honest and kind will make people who are looking for help find you, it will make other’s lives better, and if you’ve helped even a single person, your life has been successful.

Two, never, and I mean never take your emotional pain out on yourself, or others. There are healthy ways to deal with ugly emotions. There are people who can help. Find a new hobby, as silly as it sounds. Start doing something creative, something that draws your attention elsewhere, like art of any kind, or, in my case, fixing cars. Something to keep you busy. If you’re in trouble, emotional or otherwise, there are people who love and support you, who will do their mightiest to be by your side, and if those aren’t your friends, they’re definitely your family.

Bottling up emotions, or dealing with them in horrible, unhealthy ways has been my go-to. Don’t be like me. Express yourself in different ways, and don’t keep your feelings shoved under the carpet, because it will, absolutely, unceremoniously explode, and you’ll take people down with you. And that’s when you’ll feel like the worst person in the world. The guilt, the residue of said ugly feelings isn’t worth it. Trust me.

If you make mistakes, if you hurt people who don’t deserve it, learn from it, grow, be better. Do not sink into yourself , don’t hate yourself. Apologize, make amends and move on, try to never do the same thing. It’s okay. We’re all human. The only thing that matters is that you try to be better.

No matter what, remember that I will always love you.              

~~~~

So. Our apartment back in Kansas was, as I told you, a real dump. It had a tiny-ass kitchen with a miniature stove, two mattresses that were creaky and lumpy and were left there by the previous owners, as well as the TINIEST bathroom you’ve ever seen. It didn’t have shower walls, it had a shower head and a drain on the floor and was not in any way separated from the toilet. The walls of the place were peeling, the floor was tiled and cracked in a bunch of places and the humidity must’ve been over 80%.

I fucking loved that place.

On our third day there, I borrowed some spray paints from Cole, carried them in a cardboard box up the claustrophobic, green stairs, and opened the door in absolute triumph. That day, Sam and I opened the two windows, scratched the paint off the walls with two spatulas and went WILD. It must’ve been the only day Sam didn’t study.

Actually, no, now that I think about it, there was another time, when little ol’ ten-year-old Sam fell off a ledge and freakin’ broke his arm. I dumped him on Cole’s bike and pedaled to the hospital like a maniac. That was the first day he didn’t study.

Anyways, that apartment wall made our crappy little living situation a home. Our own sanctuary. We finally got agency over our lives, from staying up late, to choosing which type of dish soap we’d use because it smelled better and didn’t remind us of the terror chores once were. Eventually, we got soft blankets, books, board games, decorations… Finally, after 18 years, we’d started our lives.

I think one of my favorite memories would be coming home from my first date with a guy. I was just 18 and Benny, the dude, kissed me before I left, his fists clutching at my flannel. I was driving home with a giant, dopey-ass smile, stretching from one ear straight to the other. That same night, with new-found confidence, I told Sammy to drop his book, bought ourselves some beers and snacks, and drove to my favorite clearing.

There, right under the stars, with Sammy trying out his first beer, I told him I’m bisexual, and the cute bastard hugged me and told me he loved me no matter what. That same night, he thanked me for everything I did for him while living with John. We talked until the sun was rising.

I’ll tell you this right now, kid, in case you haven’t gotten it yet. I love Sam. Love him to bits. I raised that kid all on my own and will do anything to protect him. I know he cares for me, I know it kills him to see me like this, in a bed, pale, miserable and coughing every three seconds. I just want you to know, honey, that whatever you need, anything at all that, for some reason, you don’t want to tell Dad, you go to Sam, okay? You can trust him to be supportive, loyal, to be there for you when no one else is and to love you like you’re his own daughter and best friend. I promise you, he will always, always be there when I’m not.

That night made us grow so much closer. The lesson here, I’d say, is be bold and confident in what you believe in and who you are. Be your own, unique self, be brave, and love whoever you choose to fully and with your whole heart, without shame, ever. If you are yourself, I promise, you’ll find the people that love you for you, not the person you’re pretending to be. You’ll inspire other to be themselves.

A good example of this would be my best friend, Charlie. When I came out, I was armed to the teeth to deal with whoever wanted to bully me for that part of me. To tell you the truth, my school coming out was a mishap. It takes nothing but a risky make-out session in the janitor’s closet and nosey students that rip doors open far too violently. Nevertheless, I was literally out of the closet, fists up. And that’s exactly when I met Charlie.

With her comic book stories and her books, her bubbly personality and bright smile, she wiggled her way into our lives and permanently stayed there. She was a freshman when I was a senior, but she seemed to find sanctuary by my side, as I did by hers. She was just one of those people who clicked, you know? Far too mature and interesting for her age, with an obsession with computers, even back when they were barely even a thing.

She now lives with her long-term girlfriend, Gilda, who owns the best bakery in the state. Ask for the apple pie, you will not be disappointed.

Charlie demanded of me to tell you, first off, to watch Marvel and screw DC right to hell (with which I have to agree, though Batman still remains one of the coolest Superheroes of my childhood (and Joker, the coolest villain)). She also told me that, if you read this, go ask her for her comics, She’d love to let you borrow them and she’s certain you’ll love them. Second off, she asked of me to tell you the Impala story…

It’s not as grand as she makes it out to be, honestly. However this is the part where you’ll learn all about the one and only Bobby Singer.

Bobby was my boss, an old friend of dad’s John’s and the first person who ever saw the bruises under my sleeves. He gave me a job, a family, and later on… a car.

Bobby owns a scrapyard. He taught me everything I know about cars, including driving, and for my seventeenth birthday, he brought a dusty, beat-up car in my workspace. The hood was bent, the seats were torn, and the engine needed immediate replacing. The customer never paid the price for the compartments the garage had paid, so under store policy, the car was ours.

Hannah, I can’t exactly describe to you how long it took me to repair that car. Buying the spare parts and assembling them would’ve probably taken less time. I built her from the ground up, it took me almost a month and a half of daily, eight-to-six work, but I made it. I fixed her up. She was in prime condition, and I had completely fallen in love with her.

I finished working on her early January, dreading the moment I would see her drive away. Bobby had seen all the effort, by then I’d worked at his place for over a year. So, on the day of my birthday, I opened my locker to put on my jumpsuit, when I saw a box placed on my neatly folded clothes. I’m sure you’ve guessed it by now. Yes. It was the keys to my dream car. A beautiful, sleek, black 1967 Chevrolet Impala, the one I had brought back to life. And it was all mine.

I don’t think I’ve hugged Bobby any tighter since then. Hell, I don’t think I’ve hugged him period.

That car… That car is probably the most stable thing in my life, apart from Sam, obviously. I’ve cried in that car, I’ve escaped from my terrible past, I’ve laughed, I’ve had my first time, I’ve been through breakups and I’ve spent my best days with it. I cherish it more than any other item I know. It’s not even an item, it’s my baby. I love it almost as much as I love you.

I met your dad, and kissed him for the first time in that car.

It’s actually a pretty fucking hilarious story. Cas was on a date with this guy who was completely disgusting and creepy as hell, so in true  movie fashion he decided to, get this, jump out the bathroom window and escape.

Yeah.

So just as he was running out of the bar, the guy must’ve caught wind of him or something, because he stepped outside in order to find Cas. What did your dad decide to do, I hear you ask? He ducked behind a car in the parking lot, opened the first unlocked door he found, and jumped in.

Spoiler alert. It was my car.

I was sitting in the front seat, fighting with Sam through text when the door opened. It was highly comical, watching this guy duck behind the bench seat, mumbling “oh God, oh God, oh God, please don’t see me, oh God.” I cleared my throat.

“Oh, I see you, buddy.” That’s the first thing I told him. The look on his face and the genuine yelp, made me laugh a full belly laugh, and completely forget about my fight with Sam. He apologized profusely, explained panicked what had happened and begged me to stay in my car just for a couple minutes so the guy can lose him.

Long story short, we ended up going out ourselves. I don’t know how to explain it… we just clicked immediately. Like, there was a connection. Him and his big words, his baby blue eyes, his steady, deep and rough voice… I knew right away that all I wanted was to spend time with him, learn everything he was willing to share with me.

I’m so glad to have met your Dad. He was, is and always will be one of the best, kindest, most humble and genuine people on the planet. He sees the world from such a beautiful point of view that contradicts my eternal realism (he enjoys calling me pessimistic.) He’s a genuinely great person, and I can’t wait for you to figure so out yourself, if you haven’t already.

Of course, it wasn’t all fine and dandy. Meeting his parents was hellish. Let’s just say, Chuck and Naomi aren’t… the best people. They tried really, really hard to stop us from seeing each other, and eventually, they completely disowned Cas. He doesn’t like to talk about them much. His brother, Gabriel is an asshole, but a loveable one, while his other brother, Michael, you probably don’t know about. And you shouldn’t. Let’s just leave it at that. If Cas wants to share that story with you, he’ll do it at his own time.

I’m sure there’s a lesson to be learned here. Something about, when finding your person, to keep them, fight for them, don’t stop loving them because everyone else is telling you (unless of course that person is toxic). But I don’t think I can give you solid love advice through a dumb book. Every relationship is different, and your Dad’s better at this than me anyways.

--

I don’t know exactly how long this thing is, by this point, but I’ve almost finished the pages of this booklet. I was really, really worried I wouldn’t finish it in time, but here we are. However many thousand words later, and I’m clueless as to how to wrap this up.

My life isn’t over yet, however it looks like it soon will be. I will confess to you, I’m scared, but most of all I’m angry. I’m angry at the world, at life and fate, if that’s even a thing, at God even. I’ve fought my whole life for peace and quiet, and right when I have found it, it’s being ripped from under my feet. Cancer fucking sucks.

No matter, my chin is up, and so are my fists. Winchesters don’t give up easy. I will fight this until my last breath, even if the chance of watching you grow up and being able to tell you everything I’ve written face-to-face, is nothing but a sliver. After all, impossible odds were always my favorite.

Sweetheart… I don’t know what to say. This might be the only thing you have left of me for the rest of your life, and it tears me up inside. Of course, I will not be able to write thirty five years of experience in a small book such as this, but this is a part of me, memories you can keep all to yourself. Ask Dad or Sam about any of it, I’m sure they’ll fill some gaps, tell you things I haven’t written.

I don’t want you to cry much, even though I’m not sure you will at all, given the fact that you’ve never met me. Either way, whether you feel or think anything of me or not, I want you to know that I love you so much. I’ve only known you for a couple of months, and, already, you’re the brightest ray of sunshine in my life.

I promise I will be by your side no matter what happens, through every milestone and hardship, I will love you from wherever I am.

Honey, please stay true to yourself. Never give up, no matter what curveballs life throws at you. There’s always reason to keep going, even if you can’t see it. Always keep fighting, ‘till your last breath, ‘cause you’re a Winchester and you’ve absolutely got this.

If there is something I want you to remember from the scribbly mess I’ve made, it’s this:

I love you. I’m proud of you. I believe in you.

Go get ‘em, tiger.

 Bonus:

Tears streaming down velvety soft cheeks, dainty fingers gripping the book tightly, like her life depends on it, Hannah stares at the ceiling and groans at the mess she is. It’s the second time she read that last bit, and just as she thought she’d gotten over it, here she is, crying just as hard as the first.

She gets off her bed, pulling on her sweater sleeves. Feet in slippers, she makes her way down the corridor, knocking on the door, and opening when she gets an answer. Her fingers grip the doorknob, the other clutching the book, and she stares at the bed, watching as green eyes look up from his laptop.

“Why did you give this to me, you ass, you’re not dead,” she sobs, and Dean pushes his laptop to the side, arms opening wide to invite her in them.

“Aw honey,” he coos, a gentle, loving smile on his face. Hannah climbs on the bed and slides to his side, curling up in his arms. “It’s okay.” Fingers stroking her hair gently, as sobs wrack through the poor girl’s body. Dean almost feels bad.

Just then, Cas appears in the doorway, having heard Hannah’s cries. He sees the booklet clutched in her arms, her face buried in Dean’s neck, hidden behind her spring-curly hair. He makes eye contact with his husband, a knowing half-smile on his lips, as he leans on the doorway.

“I love you,” Hannah says, nose stuffed and running. “Thank you for not giving up on a relationship with me, even when you didn’t think you’ll survive.” Tears wet Dean’s eyes, as he presses a kiss on the crown of her head.

“I love you too.”

[magicalhideoutengineer]

What would you say is the most human thing your characters are facing in this film?

Katherine: Failure to communicate.

Eddie: Hearbreak.

Interviwer: What?

Katherine: That went straight to top me.

Eddie: She doesn't like freaking to communicate and I'm like, "Newt's the heartbroken." 

Katherine: Oi ! 

Eddie: She's run off with someone like "Auror".

Katherine: You think I'm not heartbroken? I think you're engaged.

Eddie: And we are back to therapy.

Katherine: No, but you know that was one of my favourite things that I got to do in this film was sort of accidentally starting having fun with Newt and again remember that he is engaged, because it hasn't been cleared up yet. And just the pain of that thinking, "Oh yeah, we worked so well together. We had such great..."

Jude law: And then I'm really angry.

Eddie: "I  hate you."

Katherine: Oh, right. No more like, "Oh right. I think you're my soulmate, but you can't be mine".

Interviewer: That's so sad.

Eddie: We pull that back from the brink.

Interviewer: Eddie, do you have anything to say about this?

Jude Law: Very good counselling.

Katherine: What do you have to say for yourself?

Interviewer: What's your saying in this？Yeah.

Jude Law: Eddie, how do you wanna respond？

Eddie: All I  was saying was just that she has little faith. Like Newt was just trying to come back and she heard some rumour or took something out of context [Katherine: It was in the papers, so...] Her faith in the instinct of who Newt is...

Katherine: Don't believe everything you read. The lesson.

Interviewer: Do you feel better now?

Eddie: Yes.

Katherine: It's alright. It's canon. It's alright. It's canon.

[crashdevlin]

Wishverse- How’d You Know?

Wishverse- How’d you know?

Author’s Note: Hard Ten Masterlist, Wishverse Masterlist

Summary: Y/n reorients herself in 2018, ‘meets’ Dean to set up their event, and finally gets Charlie to believe her.

Pairing(s): Dean X Plus size!Reader

Word Count: 2928

Warnings: mentions of prostitution… and that’s it.

You slept through the night. You’d almost forgotten what it felt like. You showered and put on light makeup. You didn’t need makeup. Your skin quality was actually amazing compared to the skin on the face you left in 2019 and Dean was going to smile that lovely smile at you, no matter what. You made breakfast for you and Charlie and ate in silence as she watched you. “How’s Bohemian Rhapsody do at the box office?” she finally asked.

“It did all right. Does all right. Sixty-something percent on Rottentomatoes. It was just too broad. Like, it was awesome, I really liked how they portrayed Mary Austin and Freddie, but it was just… they were trying to fit too much into two hours, you know? I liked it, though, and Rami Malek got a Golden Globe for it.”

“Crimes of Grindelwald?”

You grimaced. “You’re gonna watch it no matter what I say.”

“Yeah, but I wanna know!” she exclaimed, leaning closer.

You sighed. “She fucked with the canon, or they fucked with her canon and she let them. JK really should have put her foot down and said, ‘No, Nagini was a fuckin’ snake, not a Korean animagus’. The only really good part of it was Jude Law as Dumbledore, though, they really didn’t even allude to the fact that he was in love with Grindelwald.”

“Yeah, but we knew that Warner Brothers wasn’t going to let… they didn’t let him be gay, at all?” she asked, upset.

“I mean, Warner Brothers pretty much said that it wasn’t important to his character and the movie was really about Newt, anyway, so it wasn’t that important.” You sighed. “Anyway, Crimes of Grindelwald did good because it was a Harry Potter movie, but, objectively, Bohemian Rhapsody was a better movie.”

She smiled. “If this is real… I’m gonna need you to remember some lotto numbers.”

“Charlie, if you wanted money, we both know you have the skills to get it.” You shrugged. “You know I don’t play the lotto. I won’t remember any of the megamillions numbers.”

“Okay, well… try.”

You rolled your eyes and sighed. “I’m going out at 1:30.”

“To meet the whore?”

“Yeah, to meet… to meet with Dean.”

“And Dean is the better one, right?”

“Charlie… just stop, okay? You still don’t really believe me.” You sighed. “Dean’s the one who’s gonna take me to Maw-maw’s for Thanksgiving. That’s all you need to know for now, okay?”

“What, I’m not allowed to be worried about you?”

“You can be worried all you want, but…” You shrugged. “Everything’s fine, Charlie. I promise.”

You could tell that she didn’t believe you. She didn’t think you were fine, she didn’t think that everything was going to be fine or was fine, but you knew. You knew that there was only good that could come of your wish, no matter what she or anyone else thought about wish universes.

~~~~~~~~~~

You heard the Impala before you saw it. Dean’s prized Chevy with the huge engine announced his arrival in the Biggerson’s parking lot and you ordered a round of pie before he walked in. Your phone went off with a text from Dean’s work number asking where you were in the restaurant and you shot a text back telling him where to find you. You took a deep breath as the bell over the door went ‘ding’ and your eyes shot to him. He was wearing his brown hiking boots with a grey tee and a red and blue checkered plaid under a dark blue canvas coat. He looked like heaven as he approached.

“Hey. I’m Dean.”

“I know,” you responded, immediately, before looking down. “I-I mean… of course you are. Why else would a guy who looks like you walk up to my table?” You gestured at the other side of the table, reminding yourself that Dean wouldn’t want you if you were flustered and blushy. Not the introvert you were before Sam got a hold of you. You had to be the you that you were with Charlie, the you you were when you met Dean. “Have a seat. I, uh, ordered you a slice of apple. I hope you don’t mind.”

He smirked as he took the seat across the table from you. “You’re the take charge type, then?”

You chuckled. “I like to think of it as being proactive. I mean, I am just trying to make sure everything runs smoothly.”

“Hey, I got no problems with a woman who knows what she wants and makes it happen,” he said as the server dropped a slice of apple pie in front of each of you. “So, this is your first time hiring from Bobby’s Boys. You ever done this kinda thing before?” He pulled a fork out of the wrapped up napkin and dug it into the pie crust.

“Loaded question, Dean,” you answered, honestly, mimicking his motions. “Suffice it to say, I know what I’m doing.”

He nodded, not questioning you further about your experience. “All right, so… you said, Thanksgiving weekend; you just need someone to give you the boyfriend experience?”

“Pretty much boils down to my extended family are terrible people who’ve spent the last several years of my life making me feel horrible for being the only one in the family who’s bigger than a size six and I thought I might be able to avoid some of their suppressive bullshit if I brought a very attractive man home for the holiday.”

“All right. Family can suck. I got that. So, I, uh, got this questionnaire for you to fill out. First part’s a bunch of information ‘bout you, like if you got any allergies and what you do for work, best friend’s name, religious beliefs and shit. The second part’s about the fake me. Where you want me to say I work, how we should say we met, all that.” He pulled the papers out of his coat pocket where they had become a crinkled mess, and smoothed it out against the table. “If you want to fill it out now, that'd be awesome. So we could go over anything that's problematic.”

You pulled a pen and immediately went to work on it. You’d filled this out before, so it wasn’t something you were nervous about. You talked about your answers as you wrote them and Dean nodded, making little comments around mouthfuls of pie and black coffee. “We’re gonna tell ‘em you’re a mechanic, is that okay?”

He licked his lips and nodded. “I’m great with cars. How’d you know?”

You smiled and looked up into his brilliant green eyes. “With a car like the one you rode in on, you either know your way around an engine or you’ve got a damn fine mechanic, yourself.”

His eyes sparkled as he smiled, brightly. “You know about cars?”

You shrugged. “Little bit. My old best friend taught me some stuff. Enough to know a classic Impala when I see one, anyway.” You suppressed the urge to smirk at his look of intrigue as you looked back down at the questionnaire. “And since we’re saying you’re a mechanic, we can say we met when my clutch started slipping.”

“You drive an automatic or a manual?”

“Currently, I drive an auto but that’s just because Ford didn’t have the car I wanted in a manual.”

“Not a lot of folks can drive a stick, anymore.”

“Oh, I’m great at driving a stick,” you let yourself smirk then and looked up at him through your eyelashes. He returned the smirk and chuckled. You had to remind yourself that you weren’t throwing yourself at him, that if you made this about sex, then you’d just be a normal client and you’d lose all chance of being something more. “Too bad that’s not what I’m hiring you for,” you finished, dropping your eyes back to the paper.

“Yeah. Too bad.”

When you finished the questionnaires, you slid them across the table and excused yourself to go pay the bill. When Dean approached the counter, you handed him a small styrofoam container. “Chocolate cream pie,” you winked as you started toward the parking lot.

“You didn’t have to do that,” he said, following you.

“Well, I got it for myself and then I thought better of it. I do not need more pie.” You stopped in front of the Impala, blatantly ogling it as you walked a slow circle around the edge of it. Dean smirked at the look on your face as he opened the door and set the to-go box in the middle of the bench seat. “What is she? A ‘67, ‘68?”

“‘67.”

“She still got the 327 four barrel?”

Shock filled Dean’s face and his jaw hung slack for a second before he licked his lips. “No, uh… I put a 502 big block in her a few months ago. More than doubled her horsepower.”

“Oh, that’s why she’s so loud.” You ran your over the roof and looked in the window. “You treat her like a queen, don’t you? This is what a classic car’s supposed to look like.”

“Huh. You, uh, know a little bit about cars?”

You chuckled, making your way around the hood to stand in front of Dean, looking up into his eyes. “My friend, the one who taught me about cars, he was a Chevy-head. Honestly, I’ve always been a Ford fan, but he was really enthusiastic and… fuck, the sixties Impalas were sex on wheels.”

“Sometimes literally.” His eyebrows jumped up suggestively and you bit your lip, stepping closer to him without conscious thought. He smiled, softly. “There’s… somethin’ ‘bout you, y/n. I’m lookin’ forward to workin’ with you.”

“Technically, you’ll be working for me,” you teased, leaning back against the door of the Impala and smiling up at him.

He stepped closer, licked his bottom lip in between his teeth and bit into it. It made your body warm up and you swallowed to remedy your suddenly dry throat. “Well, then…” He put his hands on your shoulders and leaned down to look into your eyes. The look in his eyes was one you recognized and your heart was pounding at the thought that your plan to woo him was working so well. “I can’t wait to meet your family, princess.”

Your reaction to the nickname was instant, grabbing his coat and pressing your lips to his. He went with it, just like he had the night of the Christmas party, but this time he had no reason to pull away. One of his hands slid down to your hip and the other buried in your hair as he slipped his tongue into your mouth and pressed you into the cold metal of his car. You ran your hands up to his neck and pulled him closer, your tongue brushing across his, dancing across the air you were breathing together.

You didn’t want to stop, but your brain suddenly remembered that you didn’t want to sleep with him, yet. Well, you wanted to, but you had to wait. With every ounce of your self-control, you pulled back, breathing heavily. You looked at your feet. “Sorry. Didn’t, uh, plan that.” You chuckled and bit your lip. “So, how much do I owe you for the makeout session?”

He laughed and stepped back. “It’s on the house. We’ll call it payment for the pie.” You smiled and nodded, side-stepping away from him to head for your car. “I’ll call you after I talk to Bobby!” he called after you.

“Sounds good, Dean!” you called back, sliding into your driver’s seat and pulling out of the parking lot. You didn’t miss the way he followed you with his eyes until he couldn’t see you anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Sam, it’s like… have you ever met a chick that just… ticks all the boxes?” Dean was trying to refrain from a chick-flick moment, but how he was feeling about y/n after just one meeting was… unique. Sam looked up from the paperwork he was filling out for Bobby with an incredulous look. “Dude, she bought me pie. No prompting, she suggested pie.” Dean nodded enthusiastically and dropped into a chair next to Sam’s desk. “And she knows cars. She tried to downplay it, but she knew that a ‘67 Impala comes stock with a 327 four barrel engine. That’s not something somebody just knows unless they know. She practically drooled all over my baby, dude, and she’s real pretty. Way prettier than she thinks she is.”

He let out a dreamy sigh and ran his hand through his hair. “It’s like she knows me. She’s kinda… perfect, and she’s an amazing kisser! A lot of chicks are afraid to go for it, but she was… fucking exuberant.”

“That’s a big word, Dean,” Sam said, amused.

Dean shrugged. “I’ve been working on that book of crosswords Kate gave me for my birthday.”

“I was sure you would’ve thrown that away.”

“Nah. I’m getting pretty okay at ‘em. Anyway, this chick… she’s amazing and I get to spend an entire weekend with her, for work. I mean, if this ain’t the best part of the job, I don’t know what is.”

“The money is the best part of the job, Dean. It’s the only real reason for the job.”

“For you, maybe. Oh, man, and she doesn’t want to pay for sex. She really just wants to have me pretend to be her boyfriend without gettin’ fucked.”

“But she let you kiss her?”

“Nah, she kissed me… but I’m pretty sure she just got overwhelmed by my charm,” he said, with a cocky smile. “Seriously, what kind of woman calls up an escort service and really just wants someone to escort her somewhere?”

“One who’s too introverted to get her own dates? Or women who think they aren’t very attractive?”

“Yeah, probably something like that. She said she wouldn’t feel right paying for it. So, she’s got morals but she doesn’t make me feel immoral. I don’t know how that works, but it fuckin’ does.”

“Well, I’m happy for you, Dean. You get to get out of Kate’s tofu Thanksgiving because you’re going on a job and you get a boatload of money and you don’t even have to perform. You just have to fawn over the woman. You’re doing that for free, right now.”

“I know, Sammy! This is gonna be the easiest three thousand bucks I’ve ever made!”

Sam took a deep breath and looked pointedly at his paperwork. “Good for you. Can I finish this please?”

Dean rolled his eyes and stood. “Yeah, yeah.” He sighed and licked his lips. ��You gonna be okay doing Thanksgiving without me, huh?”

Sam nodded. “I’ll have Dad and Kate and Adam to distract me, Dean. And I’ve totally been clean long enough to deal with other people drinking some dinner wine, dude. Don’t worry about it.”

“And you’ll call And-”

“I’ll call Andy if I have any issues. Don’t worry about it. Go enjoy yourself with the… woman who ticks all your boxes,” Sam dismissed.

Dean couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face at the thought of y/n. “You know what, little brother? I definitely will. Have fun with your paperwork.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Monday came and the stock app on your phone alerted you to the massive jump in Roman Industries stock price. It was a little past 1pm when Charlie called you. “Are you a witch?!”

“No, Char, I told you I’m-” You closed the door to your office to keep your assistant, Deedee, from hearing your conversation.

“You have to tell me if you have a timeturner because there’s so much that I would want to fix, but that probably wouldn’t be a good idea because ‘Awful things happen to wizards who meddle with time, Harry’ and I-”

“Charlie, I didn’t do this.”

“Are you sure you’re not some kind of fae or elf or something because-”

“Charlie!”

There was a moment of silence. “I’m sorry. I’m just… sorry.”

“I’m not a fairy or an elf or a witch, and the awful things already happened, but I am here with a plan to save Buckbeak and Sirius, so to speak.”

“What awful things? What happened that you wished away?”

You took a deep breath, relief washing over you. “You believe me? Like, no doubts, anymore?”

“No! No doubts. Okay? I believe you and I’m kinda jealous of your fantasy fiction life right now, but I’m also super worried because you’re not the kind of person to wish away a whole freaking timeline, so it must’ve been superbad, so spill!”

You shook your head. “Look, it’s eight months of baggage to unpack, and I’m not doing it over the phone while you’re on your lunch break. I’ll tell you all about it when you get home tonight, okay?”

She sighed, heavily. “Okay, I guess.”

“Go eat your lunch. Love ya, Char. Bye.” You hung up your phone and smiled. You were finally going to be able to talk to someone about your situation!

You walked into the apartment at 5:23 and sat down on the couch. You were having to redo work you did eight months ago and it was wearing on you. Charlie walked in the door at 5:46, set her laptop bag on the table by the door and flopped down next to you, pulling the remote control out of your hand and turning off the distraction of the television.

“Tell me everything. Go!”

KITCHEN SINK TAGS @heyitscam99 @wonderlandfandomkingdom @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt @mrs-meghan-winchester @henrymorganme @lonely-skys @allykat2108 @mogaruke @flamencodiva

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[sheisbornadreamer]

Blend in, chapter ten

...chapter ten?!

WARNINGS: No fluff in this chapter whatsoever, not even any cold-hearted intercourse alright, so just wipe all of those expectations away. There you go :) Plus this chapter is very short. And I suck.

Sorry.

But! Hopefully, a lot of things will get cleared up :)

...just read!

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Saturday, 10.48 AM Tachikawa's residence

"-and I bought these two jeans -aren't they gorgeous- y'know the assistant said I look just like Misha Barton, hah I wish but whatever I mean her BMI is totally anorexic and that's great and all if you wanna like, die, though you can't deny that she's freakin gorgeous I'd totally die for those legs wouldn't you -look aren't they cute!"

"Mmh," Sora's eyes submissively fell on the jeans covering her friend's legs, but her mind couldn't tear itself away from her new full-time dilemma. This was hardly ever a problem for the two; to Mimi Sora was merely a mirror -or a wall, rather. She didn't interrupt, but she didn't respond with any interest whatsoever. Except perhaps for the actual changing.

Mimi kept chatting, modelling her new clothes and checking her reflection in the mirror. Sora's eyes kept resting on her legs -covered in denim, half covered by a pastel skirt, or not covered at all. She had legs to kill for; always perfectly tanned, constantly hairless and never-ending. Legs of another species that yet remained the ideal for all the poor girls with earthly legs. Thankfully, Sora had stopped comparing herself to her best friend a long time ago, figuring that it was no use.

"So are you actually gonna talk to me about what's causing that creepy absence I've seen in you lately?"

It wasn't the actual words that pulled her out of trance; it was the tone. The skip from high-pitched excited girl-chatter, to worried sentimental adult mom -tone wouldn't pass anyone.

Sora reacted quickly enough to catch the question, and she bit the inside of her cheek as she pondered an answer. Bringing Mimi into the problem was like letting someone else help you with a card castle you're halfway through, but stuck with and too shaky to continue. A bit down the road -which might as well be the goddamn wrong one- she didn't want to risk starting all over again. If Mimi managed to confuse the hell out of her -which rather commonly happened; she was freakishly alike Taichi in that way- Sora would lose the tiny bit of sense she'd made out so far. And dammit, that took a long time to make!

'Sides, there's was no way she'd be able to explain this complicated story with sustained patience -and that was very necessary for it to be understandable.

Having that thought through, she forced herself to look at it logically. Voicing her reasoning would simply clear it up, not destroy it. Who knows, Mimi might see something that Sora, as partly involved in the whole thing, was incapable of. In all honesty, Mimi's train of thought probably ran closer two Taichi's -maybe Yamato's too.

So why not?

"Taichi and Yamato," she uttered, not knowing where to start.

The currently halfnaked teen threw her arms out. "Yeah, well duh. So was that rumor true?"

"Well now it is. I kinda it woke up some sort of attraction, or feelings or just fucking madness in Blondie, and Tai pushed his luck some and now they're shagging like rabbits while Yamato is brainwashing him."

There was a brief silence where Sora's stubborn self mentally said 'I told you so'.

"That didn't make much sense coming from someone who's usually very pedagogic."

Sora managed to smile, somewhat relieved by the refreshing view of Mimi laughing. In comparison, she felt old and worn-out. Why the football-player even allowed something that hardly concerned her get to her like this, she didn't know. Sora sighed, deciding to throw everything out of her skull for the other girl to sort out.

She comforted herself with the knowledge that, when it came down to gossip, Mimi had all the patience in the world. She started talking, trying to stay as objective as possible. Naturally, it was near impossible with Mimi's repeated gasps and questions and other interrupting sounds that she seemingly thought were necessary to show Sora that she really listened. Letting herself get stressed up by this, Sora ended up giving her the completely wrong idea. This was obvious when Mimi summed the whole thing up.

-'-

"Okay so if I've got this straight, Yamato-kun was stupid enough to talk loudly and about their after-school activity, with so many split signals that everyone mistook him for being gay, and then he freaked out and started fighting Taichi-kun for no reason. Then they shag in the school's bathroom and start bitching when you try to save them from being caught-"

"No, no, no" Sora interrupted, sighed and held up a hand when the honey-eyed girl gave her a confused look. "No, I'm sorry, I'm giving you the wrong idea here. I guess I'm just so fed up with Yamato -well, Taichi too- that I make it their fault. Just please let me take my time, so that I can do this right."

If it weren't for the fact that they had worked this through once, Mimi would've taken Sora's request -if she even took it in- the wrong way, and jumped to conclusions. But the brunet's way of rushing and misleading had in the past bothered Sora to the point that she had talked to her about it. Mimi had finally understood the problem and promised to improve -when she actually remembered. Now, Sora could simply remind her and she'd be back on track with no hard feelings. This was one of the improvements they'd been forced to accomplish since that time when their lives took a slight turn.

"Sorry" Mimi said with a small laugh, rolling her eyes at herself. Sora smiled back, but shortly looked away to be able to continue. This was important.

Mimi staid amazingly quiet through Sora's second try of revealing Taichi and Yamato's story, and when she later summarized it to see if she'd got it right this time, Sora was introduced with a new point of view that made ten times more sense. Sure, Mimi was perhaps a little too romantic and naïve, but hearing everything from Sora who's the total opposite, she balanced it up, filled out the gaps and straightened all those things that had been invisible to the redhead.

"...so when Yamato's finally fed up with Taichi's immature behavior and mocking, he snaps and comes out and tells him-"

"-yeah, probably during that detention-"

"-or after they'd escaped. You know you're not supposed to talk during detention."

"Right"

"And Tai just... finally gets it?"

"He's not dumb. Not when it comes to Yamato; he's like a living lexicon."

"Not now though..."

"Stick to the subject!"

"Sorry."

"S'okay."

"So Taichi agrees to back off, and overdoes it to make Yamato miss him-"

"He really did, it showed. So yeah, Yamato misses him and finally asks him out!"

"...what?"

Sora hesitated. "Well, no... but it was so cute!" She grinned. "You were there, or at least after that. That Friday we went and saw The Holiday-"

"Yeah! Oh, Jude Law is so hot..."

"Hey!"

"For a guy at least."

"Heh. So they hang out Friday night, and there's surely tons of sexual tension and then they screw each other."

"It's called making love."

Sora snorted, causing Mimi to scowl even more. Which in turn caused Sora to grin wide. "Yeah, yeah, they make sweet love to each other. Yamato did want to though; he wasn't drunk or anything, just seduced. But he regrets it the next morning, throws Taichi out and asks me to come over. God, he was so messed up." Sora blinked, regaining the sympathy she'd felt for him that day.

"And then you leave, and... did they talk after that?"

"No idea. Maybe."

"They were even more awkward the Monday after that right?"

"Yep. And..." Sora frowned -ignoring Mimi's whining about wrinkles- trying to recall what else happened that day. "Oh!" she exclaimed, remembering. "That was when he hit him!"

"Ah." Mimi complied, also recalling that from Sora's story.

"I think Yamato was avoiding him, and Taichi got a bit annoyed I remember -he snapped a few times at me that day when I asked where Yamato was. Then boom! When I went to my locker at the end of the day Taichi's lying on the floor clutching his jaw and Yamato's a whiter shade of pale."

"And then they just forgive each other" Mimi filled in, smiling because she knew how much it had puzzled the redhead. "And they walk out together"

"Right, and this is the weird afternoon thing Tai told me about, when Yamato had nursed him and then took of as if a Scream-dude were chasing him-"

"-which confused the hell out of Taichi"

"Yup. Next day?"

"The avoiding-day. Yamato's fallen off the face of earth"

"Taichi's whining like never before-"

"And boom!"

"They make sweet tender love with each other," Sora teases.

Mimi shakes her head determinedly. "Nope. That's screwing. Calling it lovemaking would be an insult."

"Tai is walking on clouds."

"Yamato still avoids you guys."

"And here's where things gets really fucked up. Taichi becomes his personal slave, and Yamato has him all brainwashed."

"Taichi starts his too-happy gimmick -which, mind you, is a total give-away - and covers his master by constantly distracting you and himself."

"Gah, it's tiring just thinking about it..." Sora muttered, rubbing her eyes.

"Poor baby."

She stuck her tongue out in reply. "I'm up to here with his stupid jokes. And you know he actually talked about girls at one time!"

"So maybe he's bi?" Mimi offered, not seeing the issue.

"Fine, maybe he is. Doubt it though." Sora added, crossing her arms sullenly.

"Oh, come on! He's talked about girls plenty of times, and hasn't he even gone out with a few?"

Sora gave her a long look. "You believed that?"

Mimi shrugged. "Gotta give him some credit."

Sora snorted, then remembered the other ironic thing. "He also tried making me talk about guys!" she announced, sending the other teen a challenging gaze, as if daring her to brush that off just as easily.

A grin slowly spread over the other female's face, and the next second they were laughing their heads off.

"Okay, okay..." Sora eventually gasped between laughs, "We're loosing focus here."

Mimi nodded in agree, picking up where they left off. "This is the tricky part. You solve it by saying that Yamato's simply turned into a maniac all of a sudden,"

"Well he did! I mean first he's like 'no, I don't like him, don't like him' when he actually does and slips up when Tai decides to be all over him. That I can understand, but this on the other hand is madness!"

"Okay, don't hurt yourself. What's the reason Yamato has denied his feelings from the very start?"

Sora shrugged. "The gossip. He worries too much about other people's opinions."

"Right, and that's why he doesn't want Taichi to tell anyone."

"Yeah, well that I get-"

"So he uses the power of sex to keep Taichi quiet. No secret -no sex"

Sora threw her arms out impatiently. "Sure, that's-"

"-and if he would be the slightest bit of friendly, Taichi wouldn't take it that seriously." Mimi quickly pointed out.

"But I don't understand why he can't even kiss him!" Sora exclaimed, half aware that she was sounding like a little kid saying 'it's not fair!'

Dammit, it wasn't fair.

"I mean if this is a power method then he should reward him or lure him with-"

"Kisses?" Mimi filled in, raising perfect eyebrows.

"Tai's a kissing type of guy."

Sora couldn't help but wallowing in the irony. In one of her and Taichi's uncommonly intimate conversations the boy had admitted that he'd choose kissing over sex any day. On the other hand, by that time he was eleven and didn't know one bit about sex -not that much about kissing either. But Sora had a feeling this hasn't changed. She'd never heard him utter this ever since though, maybe -just maybe- because Sora had happily used this knowledge to throw in his face whenever she had the chance.

"I take your word for it" Mimi promised, knowing how close the two where. They probably told each other everything -or at least used to. She hesitated, catching the sudden sad look in her friend's eyes.

"...maybe Yamato doesn't find it that necessary, considering that Taichi's still under his spell -with or without kisses."

"Mm." Sora sighed, resting her forehead in her palm. "I know what you're saying, it's probably not that weird, but I mean even though it's just sex there should still be some sort of... okay, let's just say that Yamato's only interested in Taichi because he's a guy and close at hand. Wouldn't he still be interested in doing things to him? Doesn't have to be any feelings in that. And what about this control-thing? How fun is it to sneak around with someone, when you can't even let go while you're alone?"

Mimi remained quiet. She shook her head and sighed. "I don't know."

"Taichi didn't tell me a lot when I interrogated him, but what I did find out was that Yamato rushed through it, afraid to be caught by his dad -that's not blameable-, forbade kissing, never did anything to Tai, let Tai be the top-"

"That I find a bit weird." Mimi spoke up, pursing her lips as she pondered different possibilities.

"...maybe it's easier getting fucked by someone you hardly care about, than shoving your dick into someone you don't have feelings for." Sora suggested, wrinkling her nose slightly at her own words.

Mimi nodded thoughtfully, snickering a little when their eyes met. "Who would've thought we'd be discussing the mystery of sex between men?"

Sora chuckled, shaking her head. "Especially those two, who's been nothing but friends until now."

They were both quiet for a while.

"Alright," Sora sighed, breaking the tense silence. "Have we made any sense so far?"

"Sure, Blondie's afraid of the school finding out, of his dad finding out, of anyone finding out-"

"But what about the bathroom make-out?" Sora remarked, holding up a finger.

"Um... he's gay?" Mimi retorted, raising an eyebrow.

Sora bit her lip. "Yeah, but-"

"He's never had a girlfriend, probably never been interested in anyone and suddenly he's kissing someone and actually feels something, I mean he must've had a total black-out! After all, he's only human"

Sora surrendered, holding up her hands. "Okay, point taken"

"And all the avoiding was probably just to stop more rumors, and y'know, he's awkward around Tai because he's sexually attracted to him. And also because Taichi is too indiscreet."

Sora leaned back, smiling at the brunet. "This really is your area, huh?"

She was answered with a cheeky grin. "Sure is. And," she continued, finally realizing that she was still standing up and sat down on her bed beside Sora, crossing her legs. "I think the night before he really started to avoid you, was when he came out to himself!" She threw her arms out happily and Sora laughed. "He was like 'ok fine, I like guys. Now who should I have gay-sex with? Ah, here's my loyal friend who's open-minded slash gay as well, this'll be easy. But oh no! No one can find out! I know: I'll avoid him at school, and then I drag him home, make him my bitch and I have free afternoon sex everyday with no one bashing me!'"

"He's such a jerk." Sora grumbled. "I can't believe he actually pulls through it, I mean they used to be friends! Really good friends"

"Yeah, but he does avoid doing things that would make him feel guilty. If he'd use tricks and like pretended to care about him it would make him a bigger jerk. And he avoids him so he's not around to see how screwed up Taichi's become of this. And," she emphasized, catching the redhead's attention, "if he'd be the top, it would almost make this rape. He's planned this."

Sora stared at her, lost in that thought. "So..." she started hesitatingly, after what seemed like a small eternity. "There's still a small chance of him being human?"

Mimi tilted her head, eyelashes jumping as her gaze flicked around the room. For a moment her expression told Sora that she'd soon have the solution, but then the wise look was replaced by a playful glint. "Let's just say that, for now. Yamato still cares about Taichi, and the part of him that's not filled with hormones is full of shame and regret."

Sora, somewhat past the disappointment of not getting the answer to everything, nodded, accepting the theory. "Right."

"So just imagine being in his shoes; how freaking easy would it be to talk to your best friend that you're just using for your own pleasure? Or kiss? Being the one who fucks him, it... would just be too wrong. Or rather too obvious that it's wrong. Plus there's no wonder he's tense, and stressed and easily annoyed, and cold. He must hate himself!"

Sora held her hands up, chuckling. Mimi was getting a bit too into this. That girl watched way too many soap operas. "You're right, never thought I'd say this but it makes sense. But, if it's so clear that no feelings are involved, why don't they just enjoy it? As he's stated enough times, Tai only wants sex, and he's okay with Matt only wanting that too. So why would Matt feel guilty when he knows that it's not personal?"

Mimi shrugged. "Because they've fought so much, maybe, and it's still a bit weird screwing as friends."

"But they're not friends anymore" Sora commented, raising an eyebrow. Somehow she enjoyed criticizing her friend's casual reasoning.

"Like I said, if Yamato still cares about Taichi so it must feel wrong having such a platonic relationship"

"But Tai doesn't mind it, so there's no harm done"

"Right, but since they're not communicating -as I'm assuming, Yamato doesn't know how Taichi feels about this and hates himself in case he's hurting him and has to act cold not to break down and so they can't communicate and work things out and they'll just continue this. It's an evil circle." Mimi gestured enthusiastically.

Sora's eyes narrowed as she pondered the argument, not wanting to give in but she pretty much had to, didn't she? Mimi might be wrong, but she sure couldn't come up with anything better at the moment. Plus that evil circle thing really took a lot from her energy to continue this. Sora threw her hands up, deciding that this just wasn't her territory.

"Touché!" she called out, face breaking into a grin as the other girl threw her arms up victoriously.

"Now let's go shopping!" Mimi demanded happily, dragging Sora up from the bed and started skipping out of the room, grabbing her purse on the way.

"Wha..? I thought you've already went shopping?" Sora stuttered as she was dragged down the stairs, desperately trying to keep up with the steps.

"Well yeah for me, but we're shopping for you now!" the other girl replied perkily. She stopped at bottom and turned around, causing the slightly dizzy redhead to crash into her. Mimi pushed the other girl's shoulders an arms length away, locking determined eyes with distracted ones. "We're going shopping, and you're not going to puzzle Dumb & Dumber's problem -which by the way doesn't even involve you- one more time, got it?"

Whether she would keep that up or not, Sora was fully aware of that Mimi accepted no other answer than yes. Thus, she saluted.

"Yes ma'am"

As they walked out the door arm in arm, Sora sincerely hoped that she would keep that promise.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

will be continued.

[useyourrwords]

January in Review // I Cried, Laughed, Ate Pasta, Celebrated My Birthday & Completed TWO Read-A-Thons/Challenges

January was…A lot.

This past month has been crazy, to say the least. A lot of highs and a lot of lows but I’m getting through it so that’s something!

January contained so much in such a short time that I still can’t believe it’s over!

        January’s TBR

Guys, I completed not one, but two read-a-thon/challenges this month! For someone who hasn’t participated in any before I count that as a double win!

I participated in the Late-A-Thon hosted by Destiny @ Howling Libraries and JanJamJar from the Devour Your TBR Goodreads group!

  I was able to combine them both by using a TBR jar with the ARCs I wanted to catch up on in it.

So the books I put in my January TBR are all the books I put in the Jar.

I didn’t get all of them but I didn’t expect to.

│The Good Son│

│

│My Name is Victoria│

│

│Skylarks│

│

│Anger is a Gift│

│

│The Unbinding of Mary Reade│

│

│Rad Girls Can│

│

│The Boneless Mercies│

│

│What If It’s Us│

│

│Girls of Paper and Fire│

│

     Read

Emoji order – format-representation-challenges/readathons-reading status.

The TBR Jar really worked in my favour! And it was great catching up on so many ARCS!

Each book I pulled out came at the right time and I think I might continue with the Jar until I’ve caught up on the ARC’s I have left from 2018.

│The Unbinding of Mary Reade│

│

│

│

│★★│Read Jan 8│

This one was fairly disappointing. I wanted a whole lot more than it had to give.

│My Name is Victoria│Lucy Worsley│

│

│

│

│★★★│Read Jan 11│

I actually really liked the twist in this but god damn was most of it boring.

│The Good Son│You-Jeong Jeong│

│

│

│

│★★★│Read Jan 25│

I—this just wasn’t great and it mostly just made me angry. 

│Unbroken│Marieke Nijkamp│

│

│

│

I nearly finished this before the month was up but not quite.

│The Boneless Mercies│April Genevieve Tucholke│

│

│

│

│

This has been decent enough so far but I’m waiting for more.

Book of the Month

│Girls of Paper and Fire│Girls of Paper and Fire #1│Natasha Ngan│

│

│

│

│★★★★│Read Jan 21│

I loved it! It was so engaging for the most part!

│January Completed│ARC: 4│Owned: 0│Library Loans: 0│Reread: 0│Diversity: 4│Average Rating: 3★’s│

     Haul

│Vengeful│Villains│VE Schwab│

│

│

Nearly didn’t get this one because I accidentally sent it to the wrong address but I visited my neighbour and I got it!

This was a late Christmas present to myself!

│P.S. I Still Love You│To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before│Jenny Han│

│

│

│Always and Forever, Lara Jean│To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before│Jenny Han│

│

│

These were birthday presents to myself!

Past Grey Reads

 Book Review // Girl Made of Stars – I Am Broken

 Book Review // Everything Leads To You – A Quite Love Story

 Book Review // The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo – What Do You Mean She’s Not a Real Person???

        Film & TV

I’ve really not watched much at all because I just don’t have time! Or money!

I decided that the season 1 watch I did of Charmed was enough to give me the hit of nostalgia that I needed so I won’t be continuing it again anytime soon! I do want to get around to watching the remake soon though!

January’s TBW

│Mary Queen of Scots│

│

│How To Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World│

│

│Ralph Breaks the Internet│

│

│Charmed│

│

     Watched

│Mary Queen of Scots│

│2018│

 Josie Rourke│

 Saoirse Ronan, Margot Robbie, Jack Lowden│★★★★★│ Fave Part: Literally all of it, it was so well done. And I loved that they portrayed Mary and Elizabeth as two women pitted against each other by the men around them. 

I won tickets to see this at my local cinema so me and mum went and it was fucking brilliant!

│Hannibal│Season 2│

│2013│

 Bryan Fuller│

 Hugh Dancy, Mads Mikkelsen, Caroline Dhavernas│★★★★│ Fave Part: The fact it’s gotten more and more homoerotic.  

I watched the same four episodes about four times each because I needed a fucking break but was being stubborn.

Also, my coworker had time to rewatch every episode in the time it took me to watch those four properly. She has work AND Uni. I have no idea how she has time to do it???

│Drag Race All Stars│Season 4│

│2012│

 RuPaul│

RuPaul, Michelle Visage│★★★★│ Fave One-liner This Season: “Yeah, well some of us don’t have to force story-lines to get air time” -Farrah Moan.

Valentina has continued to live her full telenovela fantasy and it’s entertaining as fuck.

The judges need to stop sleeping on Naomi because the bitch is turning it out and they’re refusing to take notice… Except for maybe last week….But we don’t talk about that.

Manila is killing it as always and the period gown that she couldn’t wear on the show??? Iconic.

Also, I’m very excited to see Season 11!!!! So many queens that I’m looking forward to seeing!

│Jessica Jones│Season 1│

│2015│

Melissa Rosenberg│

Krysten Ritter, Rachael Taylor, Eka Darville│★★★★│ Fave character: Jessica obvs

I am struggling but only because the only time I have time to watch is when I’m fucking tired and ready for sleep. I’ll get there. 

│Dumplin’│

│2018│

Anne Fletcher│

Danielle Macdonald, Jennifer Aniston, Odeya Rush│★★★★★│ Fave part: The fact Bo didn’t like Will despite her being fat, he thought she was beautiful as is.

This so easily could have been terrible and you literally just have to look to last year to see just how easy it would have been but this was so good and special and respectful and I cried so much while watching it and fucking Ginger Minj was everything and this is everything I wanted Sierra Burgess is a Loser to be and I’m so glad I finally got it.

Also, I have a huge crush on Bex Taylor-Klaus. So there’s that.

│Derry Girls│Season 1│

│2017│

Lisa McGee│

Saoirse-Monica Jackson, Louisa Harland, Nicola Coughlan│★★★★│ Fave character: Orla

This show is so fucking funny. I was struggling not to laugh out loud while my mum was giving someone a massage.

│The Haunting of Hill House│Season 1│

│2018│

Mike Flanagan│

 Michiel Huisman, Carla Gugino, Henry Thomas│★★★★★│ Fave sibling: Theo

This show is brilliant like everyone talked about how good it was but I just didn’t have time and then I put it on one night and didn’t pay any attention to it at all. And then I put it on when I had a self-imposed mental health day and mum watched it with me and it was the best decision I’ve made in 2019 so far, to be honest.

I binged watched it in just three days which is huge for me because I haven’t been able to binge watch anything that isn’t just short 20 minute episodes in short season in months.

Oh, and I want Theo to top me.

     Youtube

I would say I need to stop watching YouTube because I watch so fucking much of it but I watch it while I’m doing other things like eating, doing housework, cooking and blogging. It’s the only way I can watch it without feeling guilty.

│VH1│Meet the Queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 11│The Pit Stop: LaLaPaRUza w/ Katya│The Pit Stop: Jersey Justice ft. Kim Chi│

I am so ready for the new season!!!

Also, I love anything Katya and Trixie do.

And look at Kim Chi’s look, I die.

│Miz Cracker│Review With A Jew│

Review With A Jew has gotten PROFESSIONAL now and I just love Miz Cracker.

│Ladylike│Hot Takes—Jen Reveals Her Unpopular Opinion & Devin Reveals Her Unpopular Opinion│Kristen Goes to Montreal With No Clothes│

I am loving these hot takes because they’re just fun to watch and see the other ladies react as well!

I think the whole trip with no clothes challenge is a brilliant idea!!!

│Lily Marston│My Friends & I Read Your Assumptions About Me│15 Tools That Help My Neck & Back Pain│

I think the assumptions video trend is actually really a good idea because it allows creators to share a little bit more of themselves!

if you have chronic pain you’re gonna want to check out Lily’s video on the tools she uses to get relief!

│Buzzfeed Video│Mom In Progress—We Tried the 7-Day Vegan Challenge│

So in this video, they eat vegan cream cheese on toast with raspberries and it looked so delicious that I wanted to try it with other toppings. So now mum and I are obsessed with cream cheese and pepper smoked salmon on toast and I can’t stop.

Other toppings I’ve tried are;

 Mango and raspberry jam (because raspberries are pricey)

 Salami

 Tomatoes (with salt and loads of pepper)

 Shaved chicken (with salt and loads of pepper)

And next to try is peaches!

│Liza Koshy Too│The videos I never uploaded… until now│Why I took a break│

I love Liza and I love that she’s easing herself back into making videos again and so far I’ve loved them both!

│Chris Klemens│Telling Each Other What to Say to Strangers: Carly and Erin│

You need to watch this just to see Carly speak gibberish which honestly sounds like Simish and really did sound almost like another legit language.

│Sorted Food│Pass It On│

I will never not love this series. It’s YouTube whispers but cooking a meal.

│ElleOfTheMills│My Weight Loss│

I love anytime some talks openly about mental health and Elle is really delivering lately!

     Music

I’ve honestly barely listened to any music this month let alone any new music.

│Camila Cabello│Something’s Gotta Give│Inside Out│In the Dark│

│Madison Beer│Dead│

│The Greatest Showman Reimagined│Never Enough (Kelly Clarkson)│This Is Me (Kesha)│Rewrite the Stars (James Arthur & Anne-Marie)│

     Podcasts

│Race Chaser│

 Alaska Thunderfuck & Willam Belli│★★★★★│

│Sibling Rivalry│

 Bob The Drag Queen & Monet X Change│★★★★★│

│What The Tuck│

 Nicole Byers & Joel Kim Booster│★★★★★│

I don’t know how to not become obsessed with things and apparently, that means listening to all the podcasts to get the backstage Tea on All-Stars 4.

Past Grey Watches

 Grey Watches // I Wanna Bone Jude Law and Kate Winslet – The Holiday

 Grey Watches // It Has To Be A Shit Show – A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding

 Grey Watches // I Hate It So Much I Love It – A Christmas Prince

Blogosphere Highlights

│Krystin @ Here’s The Fucking Twist│ Top Ten: Mystery and Thriller Releases for Q1 2019!│

│Destiny @ Howling Libraries│BEST OF 2018: CONTEMPORARY!│

│Elise @ The Bookish Actress│ANOTHER 2018 FAVE, FINALLY REVIEWED! SAWKILL GIRLS BY CLAIRE LEGRAND│

│May @ Forever And Everly│My Most Anticipated YA Books Releasing January through July ft. a Lot of Asian Fantasies and Diverse Books in General!│

│Ellyn @Allonsythornraxxbooks│ HOW TO GET ON TOP OF YOUR NETGALLEY FEEDBACK RATIO│

│Silvia @Silvia Reads Books│All I Learned About Audiobooks: A Guide│

│Avery @Red Rocket Panda│HOW TO HYPE YOUR FAVOURITE READS│

│Abbiee @Abbiee│WRITING TIPS Transform a Messy Story Idea Into a Strong Outline (in 3 simple steps!)│

│Ilsa @A Whisper of Ink│How the HECK does one receive a physical ARC because I want one?! (I hear your cries and answer all your questions) Welcome to How To Request + Recieve ARCs│

│Simone @Simone and Her Books│My Review Process and Why I Write Reviews│

│Swetlana @The Caffeinated Bookworm Life│16 Blog Post Ideas To Help You Get Through (AT LEAST) A Month Of Blogging│

│Melanie @Mel To The Any│The Top 12 Books I Must Read in 2019│

Past Month In Review

 Month in Review // Christmas is Over Thank Fuck – December

 Month in Review // November – I Already Hate Christmas

 Month in Review // July, August, September & October – New Post Series!

January’s Goals

 Increase my walk time and maybe go for walks 6 days a week?

 Start doing some floor exercises like crunches.

I need an exercise ball which I have but I don’t know where the pump is and I keep forgetting to ask mum where it is.

 Read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Work out my new blogging schedule

 Start working on my WIP

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

 Fucking relax a bit

 Maybe finish editing all my past posts???

A Month of Mayhem

I spent my birthday out!!! My mum took me to get my hair cut, we did some shopping, she gave me a massage and some Reiki which I needed!!! And then we went to Fasta Pasta for dinner and it was delicious!!! Oh and I even took photos with mum and didn’t feel gross and have a new selfie I took with snapchat with the fox filter and I think it’s v cute!!!

The last few years I’ve always gotten books as presents for my birthday but mum told me I had too many unread books so I had to choose something else…So I chose things for my reading! Because of course.

I got a pair of noise-cancelling headphones so that I can continue to read or blog or write uninterrupted instead of getting distracted every time mum’s massage clients come and go. Except mum keeps forgetting to check if I have them on before she goes to have a full conversation with me. So when I realise she’s doing it I just turn and look at her and she notices the headphones. I’ve taken to moving one of the earphones off my ear when I notice she’s in the living room but I don’t always notice.

My mum also got me my first book sleeve from Etsy! I spent hours finding one I wanted that wasn’t super expensive but good quality! It’s spacey and I love it. It’s great timing since I’m going to be reading more of my owned physical books this year and I don’t want them to get damaged by the three drink bottles in my bag for work YES THREE!!! and two are 1-litre ones and my bag is heavy. I HAVE MY REASONS!!!

I also bought myself far too many animated movies, some books, a curler, some hair products so I can use the curler I have still not used any of it yet shhhh, and a fitbit!!!!

I mean the fitbit was definitely the most needed one for sure because now I can actually track how many steps I’m doing a day and I’ve been doing pretty good! I’m hitting 8000 steps most days and even hit my first 10000 steps on the 16th which was exciting!

I went and did my tax finally and now my tax debt thanks work for not taking the correct amount of tax out for several years! is down to a very manageable amount! So that’s a relief!

My sister brought my nephews around for a visit and nephew 3 nearly got bit by a spider but nephew 2 saved the day! Other than that the visit was good! I love them so much and Nephew 3 is starting to walk!!!

My mum treated me to get my nails done professionally for the first time ever and I love them. My nails look like bullets.

I discovered where I could buy cheap hazelnut syrup for my coffee and then when I went to buy it saw they also have dark chocolate syrup as well so basically I’m just drinking liquid Nutella.

And I have officially been on this blog for a year!!! I’m so thankful for this community and even just this blog being a lifeline and a thing to focus my attention on when things have been shit in my personal life. I’m so glad I can call myself a part of this community and I look forward to many more years being a part of it!

I lost my bank card while doing my food shopping which was not great and very inconvenient since a lot of the parking I pay for work is cheaper booking online! But whatever.

I had a few emotional moments throughout the month but it was mostly just me having a little cry and then moving on.

I visited my other sister which kind of didn’t go great, to begin with. There was a whole thing, I had an anxiety attack and suffered a bout of paranoia and cried a lot but it all worked out in the end.

Once I calmed down we went to get my phone upgraded (this was already the plan) because I am anxious, my mum is busy, and my sister knows a guy that works there so I got well looked after! But then I had to go back another day because they didn’t have the phone that I wanted in stock.

We came back to her house and played Overcooked on the PlayStation which is always fun for us and I was in much better spirits when I left!

Until the next day when I was a mess again.

Look, I’m really great at handling big life-changing things as they’re happening. It’s a trait I inherited from my mum. The whole world as we know it could end and it wouldn’t look like I even knew something had changed.

It’s like my brain will just put the BIG THING in a box and shove it under a few things until I’ve gotten through it and then it’ll bring it out and say “Remember this BIG THING??? Yeah, now you gotta process it. Have fun.” Which is great until there are several BIG THINGS waiting to be processed and then I get hit with them all at once, which happens most of the time.

So then I break down over seemingly small shit. Its very clearly SO MUCH FUN!!!

So basically I spent that whole day crying and anxious and paranoid and had to call my mum to help calm me down and then my new phone was ready to be picked up and I didn’t want to bother my sister to go with me and I knew I needed to do something on my own to prove to myself I’m not totally useless so I went and picked up my phone by myself! Thankfully the hard part was over I am an absolute pushover and will be talked into buying anything even if I don’t want it so I just had to go in, they transferred my stuff over to the new phone and I was done!

It went well, despite the fact that the guy was having difficulty transferring my stuff over but I think he was a little unnerved by how quiet I am in person and especially with people I don’t really know, and I hate being THAT customer so I tend to just sit patiently and try and get my brain to shut up.

He kept commenting on how quiet and patient I was and trying to get me to talk but I hate small talk because I never know what to say. When we were finished he said he hopes I’ll become a regular customer and if I have any problems to come in and he’ll help me out!

I also made an appointment that day to get my mental health plan done so I can go back to seeing my therapist which, clearly, I super need!!!

Oh, and I also even mentioned to someone I know from my last workplace that I’ve been wanting to learn how to play d&d but didn’t have anyone to teach me and she said that if a spot opened up on a campaign she’d let me know!!!!

At the end of the month, I took a mental health day with my mum. We stayed home all day and did the bare minimum and it was so good! I sat and watched the Derry Girls and then mum and I watched half of The Haunting of Hill House and we talked about what anxiety and depression and paranoia sound like in our head and talked a lot about mental health and it was just really lovely even though it was emotional and I cried.

I know it kind of sounds like this month was a bit of a downer but overall it really wasn’t and it also didn’t feel like that. For the most part, I was happy and motivated and got a good amount of reading done and was productive! I even cleaned out my car!

Sometimes it’s easy for me to focus on just the negatives but I have to remind myself that even though I had some downer moments I am nowhere near as consistently down as I was just a few months ago and that’s progress! I just have to keep focusing on my health, both physical and mental and talking to my mum when I’m sad and talking through my feelings. I say that like it’s the easiest thing in the world when I am in fact Queen Of Not Reaching Out.

Past Month Ahead

 Month Ahead // Happy Birthday To Me + Hiatus Announcement – January

 Month Ahead // December – I Already Hate It

 Month Ahead // November – New Post Series

January is done and dusted, bring on February!

What did you do this month? What did you read? What did you watch? What posts did you write that you’re super proud of?

│Blog│Goodreads│Instagram│Twitter│Tumblr│

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[dancinginmydressinthesun]

Sooo I just watched Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald and I am gonna rant 

THERE CAN AND PROBABLY WILL BE SPOILER SO PLEASE BE AWARE OF THAT

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soo the movie just ended half an hour ago or so and so these are my very first impressions. I need to say that I am gonna watch the movie again tomorrow and I am pretty sure I will see it with different eyes then but I wanted to share my initial thoughts as well. 

So tbh first, I was not too surprised with everything but this is only due to the fact that I kinda assumed some things before because I already talked to a friend about it. (Anyway, this is totally fine bc I am pretty sure I couldnt have kept track otherwise because there are a lot of things happening very fast and being prepared is not too bad). I do believe that you are going to be VERY surprised by everything if you have managed to keep all sorts of spoilers away from you tho. 

I don’t really know if I like the movie yet (we will see in the next days) but I do feel like something is missing. I mean, this is obv bc you should feel like “wtf what is happening” at the end still (and I do) but it kinda feels unsatisfying to me. I am, however, aware of the fact that this is because I dont like that you are only left with questions and no answers and everything just seems like there is a second half missing that needs to follow. This is going to be the third movie then apparently but having to wait for 2 years man? Thats tough. 

Even tho there is a lot of darkness and you feel like you wanna jump right into the movie and change stuff (*cough cough* saving the poor beasts & child & BASICALLY EVERYONE *cough cough*) I kinda liked the whole atmosphere a LOT tbh. bc I expected it to be darker actually, it was the perfect mixture of cute and funny scenes and intriguing moments. I like the characters a lot too (most of them) and I felt like even tho its more about the storylines (and there is a lot of plot and twists and everything) you do get a good glimpse of the beloved characters from the first movie and Dumbledore as well ofc. (keep in mind: I might change my mind watching it again).

I liked the beasts OF COURSE so much (they are the best tbh) and I am very happy that they decided to include so many of them and still let them play a role despite them not being a real focus anymore. I also adore Leta’s character so much now (and not only because Zoë is so unbelievably gorgeous I wanna look at her face forever *gay sigh*) and this is probably why I cannot really accept her fate yet.

What I also enjoyed a lot was Dumbledore. Although I had no clear vision of how he was when he was younger (I just assumed him to be like he was when he was old just with less beard) I think he was probably the character they made the most believable (ok but this is also because the others are mostly new characters so there is no real comparison) but he did remind me so much of a former teacher of mine, his expressions especially, and I do admit that sometimes I have daddy issues in a non-sexual way (where is the adult role model in my life who gives me advice and makes me feel appreciated ?? looking @ u dad) but well enough about me lol, Jude Law was great and he gave me a cozy feeling lets admit that. 

I loved seeing Hogwarts despite it being so short and I loved loved loved the flashbacks (i love flashbacks in general everywhere all the time so idk what this says about the quality but ...,,,) and newts case !!!!!!! sorry but those are my two favourite places tthey are really amazing ughhh dont remind me they are not real. 

Gellert Grindelwald was ... well idek. I feel like I am not equipped to judge any of it, not depps performance and not the depiction of the character so I will leave it to that now. 

Now there comes a huge spoilers dont blow this for yourself really if you havent watched it 

.

.

.

I kinda assumed credence could be a dumbledore before (dont worry, this was bc of information i got, i am no genius lol) so that was not too surprising (IF this is true) BUT that I was actually right did surprise me lmao. This is why I have already thought about the possibitly of credence being a brother of albus but tbh I twisted and turned it around (bc i also knew that “dumbledore” was the most likely option) and even after having heard it now I .......... still dont get how this can be (but nobody does apparently) and idkkk it feels kinda weird ?? bc well even tho you maybe havent occupied yourself with the dumbledore family 2 much (even tho you have probably dont get me wrong but if you are not a hardcore stan maybe you have only to an extent) but I kinda spend my time thinking about the dumbledores PASSIVELY SO MUCH. I probably would not do it that often on my own but I do consume it passively bc of my friend a lot and tbh i already have a clear picture of the family now and there being another one seems so fake I have to get used to that first. Also that its not something completely new but a character you knew as credence for 2 years who i did like but never really paid 2 much attention to and not finding particulary interesting makes it worse. Now I feel like I should get to know him at leats now (like he is my long lost forgotten brother who returns home) but i cannot get to know him AT ALL bc i have no way to start. so i either have to ignore everything (i wont) or I will paint a clear picture of him ( I will) that is going to be destroyed whatsoever lets not try to cheer me up ahdjsdhs what a weird feeling I am having I was told I would have but it feels SooOOO ... yes weird ( i kinda wanna cry but I also wanna watch again and I wanna dance but I am also v tired (have been the whole day almost) and i just really wish I could talk to jkr now? like i would love to talk to her all the time but rn would be kinda good to just ask her if the next movie will end this confusing too bc i dont know if i can make it then) 

anyways, i could come up with more things i liked now actually than I disliked (its the little things)and my negative mood is probably rooted in this whole flood of information that gives me so many questions that are left unanswered and also that i missed a few lines sadly. I am happy to have the chance to watch it again and making up my mind soon.  

the best part of it all was flamel running tho bc tbh this has been me every year in the bundesjugendspiele (@german people we all know the pain)

[ficdirectory]

Disuphere Universe miniseries: When I Was 8: Francesca

Friday, May 25, 2018

Francesca walks home from school with Mama.  Even though she usually cares a lot about looking like a baby, today she doesn’t care at all.  She’s quiet.  Mama is too.  She asked, “Did you have a good day at school?” and Francesca lied and said she had.

How could she tell Mama the real truth?

When she gets home and gets into her room, she shuts the door hard and goes on her bed and covers her head with the pillow.  Wants to never come out ever.

Changing her name from Frankie to Francesca she thought would help things.  And it had, but only a little.  It hadn’t helped this.  

She tries cuddling in Mariana’s empty bed because sometimes it helps to imagine her sister there instead of off at college like she and Callie really are.  But even Mariana’s bed and the magical powers Francesca was sure it used to have don’t work.

All her dreams seem stupid now.

A dancer, with CP?  Really?  How could that ever be?  When this is the way her life really is?  An artist?  Yeah, she likes to color but so what?  So even what?

There’s a tap on her door.

“What?” Francesca calls.

“Hey, buddy?  What’s up, are you okay?  Thought we were gonna get your homework done ASAP so you’d have the weekend free,” Jesus calls through the door.

“You don’t have to,” she calls, letting him off the hook.  Jesus is 20.  It was just him and Mariana’s birthday last week.  They Skyped.  The point is, Jesus probably doesn’t want to be doing third grade homework.

“Can you come out and talk to me?” he asks.  “The door’s kinda freaking me out.”

Francesca sighs and gets off the bed.  She knows by now Jesus is really worried about things like closed doors and bedrooms and beds and all kinds of things.  So Francesca opens the door.  Looks up at him, still holding on to the handle.

“Why this face?” Jesus asks.

Francesca shrugs.

“Need privacy?  Should we hang out on the porch?” he asks.

Another shrug.  But it’s going down the stairs with their railing and their carpet pieces that reminds Francesca Jesus might be the perfect person to talk to about this after all.

She waits til they get outside and sit on the porch swing together.

Jesus swings them a little bit.

Francesca picks at her hangnail and looks at the plants on the porch.  Not at Jesus.  Because she might start crying.

“Buddy, I’m on your side, okay?  Whatever it is,” Jesus promises.

“You don’t like Anchor Beach,” Francesca points out.

“That’s true,” Jesus nods.  “I definitely don’t like Anchor Beach.  But let’s say you were having a problem at school…  I’d still wanna help.”

“You’re a grown up now, right?” she checks.

“Yeah…” Jesus nods again.

“So, if you came and talked to other adults?  They’d have to listen to you?” Francesca wonders.

“Are adults hassling you?” Jesus checks.  “Giving you a hard time?”

“This one.  Mrs. Robbins?  She’s my gym teacher.  And next week’s Track and Field Day.  And she told me when I was just about to leave gym today that I couldn’t get ribbons.”

“What do you mean?” Jesus asks.  

Francesca finally turns to look at him, her nose wrinkled like she can smell garbage.  “She said I could only get stickers.”

“Like...you have to get stickers but everybody else gets ribbons?” Jesus asks, his eyes serious.  

Francesca nods.  “I mean, she didn’t make anybody else stay at the end, just me.”

“Could you get anymore info?” Jesus asks, and Francesca loves how he knows how to ask questions that don’t make her feel like it was on her to do everything.  

“Well...I asked her why...even though, you know, I’m not supposed to talk back to teachers…” Francesca admits.

“That’s not talking back, buddy.  That’s asking a legit question,” Jesus reassures.

Francesca inches closer to Jesus, and he moves one arm.  Leaves it, in case Francesca might want to cuddle.  She does.

“Did she say anything back?” Jesus wonders, putting his arm around her.

“Mmm...just that like...some events had to be adapted?” Francesca says it like a question.  “I mean, she’s the teacher.  She makes the rules.  So maybe it’s fair this way…” Francesca says, trying to convince herself.

“But does it feel fair to you?” Jesus asks.

Francesca shakes her head.  Tries to mash down her tears that wanna come.

“You can let it out,” Jesus tells her, quiet.  “I can deal.”

Francesca sniffs once, and then it’s like all the tears in the world are there.  Falling out of her eyes.  Mama stops by but Jesus just says he’s got this, and then Mama keeps going in the house.

“I didn’t want Mama to know…” Francesca admits after a bit.

“No?” Jesus checks.

“Mm-mm,” Francesca confirms.  “‘Cause if I get Mama involved, all the kids will say - and maybe even Mrs. Robbins - that because Mama’s the vice principal, that’s the reason I got ribbons.”

“Come on,” Jesus says, standing up from the swing and offering his hand.

“Where?” Francesca asks.

“To talk to your teacher,” Jesus says.

“You don’t have a car.  Jude has it.” Francesca points out.

“So?” Jesus asks.

“So, you hate walking to Anchor Beach…” Francesca reminds him, just in case Jesus forgot.

“I’m doing okay.  I’ve got my meds, so I can stay calm,” he reassures.  “And we’re going together.  Not by ourselves.  That’s important.”

Finally, Frankie relents and takes Jesus’s hand.  They start walking down the sidewalk together.  It’s a quick walk, but Jesus lets them go Francesca’s speed (sloth) not Jesus’s (gazelle).

They get to school in 15 minutes not 3 like when Jude runs there with Francesca on his back.  Francesca checks on Jesus.  He seems okay.

“You’re not gonna yell, are you?” Francesca checks.  “Or, like, embarrass me?”

Jesus stops short of going inside.  He sits on a big log thing with her.  “Okay.  This is good.  Let’s talk this through.  What do you want to have happen inside?”

“For Mrs. Robbins to let me have red, white and blue ribbons like everybody else.  Not baby red, yellow and blue stickers.  And for it to be because she knows it’s fair not because Mama’s the principal or another reason like that.”

“Well, we can’t control what she does.  But we can control what we say.  I’m gonna go find Principal Sanchez.  It’s still Sanchez, right?” he double checks.

“Yeah,” Francesca nods.

They walk inside.  And Jesus stops in the office.  Principal Sanchez is still there.  

“Jesus Adams Foster.  To what do I owe this pleasure?” she asks, and it’s super weird because their principal never usually talks like that.  Plus?  Jesus wasn’t that good of a student at Anchor Beach.  He even said.  It’s because of what happened to him.  That everyone treats him different.

Kinda like how everyone treats her different.  Except for different reasons.

“We need to speak with you...and the third grade gym teacher.  A Mrs. Robbins?  Is she still here?” Jesus checks.

“She is not,” Principal Sanchez says after clicking buttons and checking on her phone.  “She left for the day.  What can I help you with?”

Jesus raises his eyebrows at Francesca.  Probably to see if it’s okay to tell the Principal what’s going on without Mrs. Robbins.  It actually makes Francesca feel better this way.  She nods.

“Have a seat,” the principal invites.

Francesca gulps.  She hates being in the principal’s office.  Having Jesus with her helps, but just a little.

They sit down.  She really wants to sit on Jesus’s lap or in his chair next to him, but Francesca tries to be brave and sits in her own chair.

“You wanna tell your principal what Mrs. Robbins said to you today?” Jesus asks.

Francesca takes a deep breath.  She keeps looking at Jesus because it’s way easier to talk to him than it is to talk to Principal Sanchez.

“She asked me to wait a minute after class.  So all the other kids left, and then she said, ‘Francesca, I have to let you know that you won’t be able to earn a red, white or blue ribbon like the other kids on Track and Field Day.’”

Jesus looks concerned, and then he nods at her to keep going.  “Do you wanna share the rest?” he asks.

“You mean, like, when I asked why?” Francesca double-checks.

Jesus nods.

“So, I asked why...and she said, ‘Because we’re going to have to modify some of the events.’”  

Francesca keeps looking at Jesus.  He nods again, for her to finish, if she wants.

“The last thing she said is, ‘But you’ll still be able to earn a red, yellow or blue sticker!’”  Finally, feeling braver, Francesca turns to Principal Sanchez, “But stickers aren’t the same as ribbons.”

Principal Sanchez looks at Jesus.  “I’m sure you’re aware, we are a Charter school.”

“Yeah, I’m aware,” Jesus nods, like the principal said something obvious, which she did.  (Everybody knows Anchor Beach is a Charter School, it’s in the name!)

“So, I’m sure you know that while Charter schools are required by law to provide a fair and appropriate education to students with disabilities, a teacher is within her rights to make determinations on matters like this that don’t have to do with academia.”

Jesus shakes his head.  “I’m sorry.  I don’t follow.”

(Neither does Francesca.  Principal Sanchez uses way too many big words.)

“The students aren’t being graded on Track and Field Day,” Principal Sanchez says.  “As such, if Francesca’s not completing the events in the distance or time required to earn a ribbon, Mrs. Robbins is not legally obligated to provide her with one.  The stickers are a courtesy.”

Francesca doesn’t understand most of that, except that it sounds like Mrs. Robbins is going to be able to get away with giving Francesca baby stickers after all.

“The stickers are condescending,” Jesus says, his voice low and soft, but sure.  “And pitying.  And Francesca deserves to earn ribbons.  Like everyone else.”

“But it isn’t fair to the other kids,” Principal Sanchez objects.  “To have them know that there’s a child doing less work and getting rewarded for it?”

Francesca’s heart beats fast.  She knows that really is what the kids will think.

“It isn’t fair to Francesca,” Jesus maintains.  “Because, what you’re saying right now is...in order for her to have a chance at earning ribbons?  She’d have to finish events in unfair times. Do things unrealistic distances.  And that would take all the fun out of it.  She’d be working her tail off and come home exhausted!  Asking her to do these events without accommodating her is setting her up to fail.”

“We are accommodating her.” Principal Sanchez maintains.

“And punishing her for it,” Jesus insists.

Principal Sanchez raises her eyebrows.  

“You are.  You’re punishing her for needing help.  And that’s not a lesson I want my little sis learning.”

Francesca bites her lip.  She’s not so sure Jesus is gonna convince the principal.

“Come on,” he says, extending his hand.  

Francesca sighs and slides off the chair.  Takes Jesus’s hand.

“Anything else you wanna say?” Jesus asks.  “Or want me to say?”

Francesca turns, blinking back tears.  “Maybe the other kids will learn to help other kids.  To treat them with the same kind of respect and human stuff as everybody else.  You know...if you let me earn ribbons…”

Jesus says “good job” and squeezes her shoulders.  

They’re almost out the door, when Principal Sanchez says, “Wait.”

--

The next week, the sun is super hot in the sky.  All the kids are in their red shirts.  Mama’s here, but she’s watching all the kids.  Francesca glances at the sidelines.  Sees Jesus sitting by the edges with Dr. Hitchens, who is here just for fun, and for support for Jesus.  Even though, he’s too old to go see her now.

Jesus is here for Francesca.

She glances up at the bar above her.  (She’s so small she has to be lifted up.)  Mrs. Robbins says “Go!” and Francesca’s left alone on the bar, hanging on for as long as she can.  Jesus is cheering super loud on the sidelines.

At first it’s so super hard, Francesca’s sure she’s gonna fall, and then it gets easier.  She thinks about the note Principal Sanchez wrote that said Mrs. Robbins needed to give Francesca ribbons the same as other kids.  It was signed in her loopy cursive.  And dated, and had her email and office number, too, for if Mrs. Robbins had questions.

Be a sloth, Francesca.  Be a sloth. Sloths are so good at hanging and you’re so good at hanging, you could hang out here all day.

On Monday, everything had changed.  Mrs. Robbins was like, “My mistake, Francesca.  You’ll earn ribbons.”

She’s still hanging on, but it’s getting harder.  All the kids are cheering and it’s loud in her ears.  But she can hear Jesus the loudest.

When her arms give out, Mrs. Robbins is there to lift her down.

She waits until Francesca’s steady on her feet and announces loud enough for everybody to hear:

“1 minute and 27 seconds!  That’s a record, my dear!” Mrs. Robbins cheers.

The whole crowd of all the other kids are cheering, too, so Mrs. Robbins can’t hear Francesca ask at first.

“What’s that?” she wonders.

“With help?  Is it because you adapted for me?” Francesca checks.

“No way.  You hung out up there longer than any other student.”

It takes a minute for the pieces to click.  She went last.

“Wait.  So, I won?  For real?  I won this?” she asks.

“For real, you won this!  Come over here and get your ribbon!”

But Francesca runs past Mrs. Robbins at the ribbon-table and right to Jesus who hugs her so tight.

“Jesus!  I won!  I set the record!  I hung by my arms the longest in the whole school!” Francesca exclaims.

“I am so proud of you!  So, so proud!  Get up there!  Go get your ribbon!” Jesus says, smiling big at her.

She turns, and goes to the table.  And gets her real, actual ribbon she earned herself.

Everyone’s clapping.  

But she runs back to Jesus for another hug.

He asks Dr. Hitchens and Francesca if it’s okay for the doc to take a picture of him and Francesca and her first place arm hang ribbon.

Francesca says, “You bet it is.”

She presses her face right against Jesus’s.  

Holds up her ribbon.

Smiles.

It’s the best day.

[thesunlightout]

some friends just stay, stay around

Jude returned to Fiona’s hospital room long after Eli and her family had made their rounds coming to visit her and the baby. Waverly had been missing from the bunch, but given the man sitting in front of her right now, Fiona couldn’t exactly blame her. Andi, on the other hand, had made home in the empty bed beside her, refusing to be anywhere but at her side in that moment.

Eli had called in a favor and booked the whole room.

Jude had showed up, looking a little less than sober with glassy eyes and slightly slurred words, two paper cups in tow. “If I bribe you with some hot cocoa, would you let me stay?” he’d whispered when he’d spotted her still awake in her bed after midnight.

“You don’t have to bribe me to stay,” she’d smiled, reaching for the bed remote to sit up. “For my forgiveness, you might have a little groveling to do.” He chuckled and she’d winked.

“No, no, don’t sit up,” he said, holding a hand up to stop her. He stepped into the room, and set the cups on the small end table, looking to where Andi slept.

“She sleeps like the dead sometimes. Though she’s been good every time the baby’s woken up.”

“Like every good wife,” he teased, words slightly slurred. “Good to know some things haven’t changed.

As he went to take the chair at the edge of her bed, Fiona shook her head and carefully scooted over, wincing some as she felt her muscles tug, and patted the newly empty spot beside her. He murmured a thank you and climbed up onto the bed beside her.

“Wait, wait,” she shook her head. “You smell like straight up rubbing alcohol.”

“Sorry...” he quickly stood. “I...” he cleared his throat, bowing his head some. “I uh... saw Waverly. Needed a little...”

“Ah,” she nodded slowly, not even able to comprehend what that must’ve been like for both of them. “There’s a bathroom in the corner.” She motioned across the room. “Go freshen up. Then... then I think we should talk.”

As he disappeared into the bathroom, Fiona reached for the bed remote, opting to sit up anyway. She wasn’t sleeping, barely slept a wink after everyone left. She was exhausted, but her mind was too wired.

Her eyes shifted to the incubator on the other side of her where Zoë slept, blissfully unaware of anything going on around her. This little girl would be the death of her. She was sure of it.

“You two okay?” a sleepy Andi opened her eyes, woken by the whirring sound of the bed. She rubbed her eyes, looking between Fiona and Zoë. “Who was here?”

“Jude,” Fiona told her, looking away from the baby.

“Oh, wow...” she looked toward the bathroom when she heard the toilet flush.

-------

Andi had opted to get out of bed and pick Zoë up then, taking advantage of every little moment with her would be goddaughter. The sight made Fiona’s heart squeeze again as the reminder of what was to come hit her. But she couldn’t dwell. Wouldn’t, anyway. At least not tonight.

"I’m just a little bit obsessed with you, mamita,” Andi whispered, pressing her lips to Zoë’s forehead, taking a long whiff of her baby scent. She rubbed her back and Fiona smiled.

“I’m sure she loves all of your attention.”

“Of course she does, she’s probably just as in love with me as her mom is.” She winked.

Just then, Jude stepped out of the bathroom, looking way more refreshed than he had a just a moment ago. “You’re awake,” he said, looking to where Andi stood. “Hi...”

“It’s like seeing a ghost…” she said, no bravado to her tone. “She told me, and I still didn’t believe it.”

“Trust me, I can barely believe it myself,” he admitted.

She smiled then, lip softly quirked upward. “It’s really, really good to see you.”

Jude smiled, breathing a sigh of relief despite it. It was so good to be around familiar faces after so long, and not just watching them from the shadows. “Good to see you, too, Andi,” he said in earnest, before his eyes shifted to the sleeping baby in her arms. “Gosh, she’s so beautiful.”

“Zoë.” Fiona looked over at him. “You wanna hold her? If we leave it to Andi, she’d hold her all night.”

“Oh... no, I...” He blushed, looking slightly sheepish.

“I only get to keep her until tomorrow,” she told him. “Take advantage now.”

“Wait, what?” Jude’s brows furrowed, obvious confusion washing over his features. “What does that mean?

Andi sighed. “She’s a surrogate,” she glanced down at Zoë.

“She looks just like you… how…?” He blinked looking between them. “And Eli…?”

“Is her dad,” she finished. “It’s a long story.”

Jude unzipped his coat, setting it down on the empty seat in the corner next to Andi’s. He went ahead and took Fiona’s previously offered seat beside her on the bed, this time handing her the cup of chocolate he’d brought for her. “How much did I miss?”

“Three years is a long time.” Andi walked over, and eased Zoë into her arms with instruction to watch her head. Jude rearranged his arms, making sure to support all the tiny parts of her, awe washing over him as he realized how light she was and yet how heavy her mere existence weighed on his heart.

“Fi… really?” he said softly, tears welling in his eyes as his eyes lingered on her little face. “She’s perfect.”

Fiona looked to Andi, lips pressed together tightly, and she gave her a soft smile in return. “Yeah… yeah, she is.” She sniffled and reached out to brush her thumb over her cheek. Zoë gave a sleepy yawn and settled in his arms again. “Zoë.”

“Zoë… that’s pretty. You did good, kid,” he nodded.

“Yeah, she did,” Andi grinned, sitting in front of both of them on the edge of the bed.

“Thanks,” Fiona chuckled, wiping at her eyes. “And… thank you for coming back tonight,” she added, leaning over to press a kiss to Jude’s shoulder. “I was scared I wouldn’t see you again,” she admitted.

He shook his head, eyes glued to his lap. “I... I don’t think I could be gone again. Not after…”

“Eleanor.”

“She’s a sweetheart,” Andi told her.

“Yeah, I got a hint of that. Caught me off guard in the waiting room earlier.” He turned to look over at Fiona. “She knew me.”

Fiona raised her hand, resting it in the middle of his back. “She knew all of us, apparently. Charlie… made sure of that.”

“Charlie?”

“I’m going to leave that part to Waverly to explain,” she said, rubbing his back. “Instead, you wanna tell me why you stayed away?”

The beat of silence that lingered between them spoke volumes. Clearly it wasn’t a conversation he was ready to have, and she wasn’t about to push him, especially when she knew that feeling all too well.

“How about you tell me more about her instead?” he suggested, looking to where Zoë slept before his eyes met Fiona’s. “And her dad.”

She scrubbed her free hand over her face, wired exhaustion continuing to take its toll on her. “I met him stuck on an elevator in a ski lodge in the mountains of Canada.”

Jude quietly chuckled, taking a slow sip from the cup in his hands. Fiona’s heart fluttered a bit as she caught the crinkles in the corners of his eyes. It’d been so long since she’d seen her friend laugh properly, so long since they’d shared this kinship between them.

She’d forever be grateful she’d decided to go outside tonight.

“I’m kinda glad you’re here, cause this is the first I get to hear this,” Andi told them, reaching for Fiona’s cup and taking a sip of her chocolate.

“Glad to be of service,” he chuckled. “And that sounds like the start of the making of a murderer,” he told her, leaning back against the elevated bed. “Stranger in an elevator?”

“Oh, trust me, I read him from the beginning,” she grinned at the memory. “But...” she shrugged and sighed. “I don’t know, there was just something about him.”

“Just something about him, huh?” Andi teased. She knew Fiona like the back of her hand, and knew that once she fell for someone, and like really fell for someone, that she was a goner.

Jude, instead, nodded sagely, seeming to just take in her information. This was something she’d always appreciated from him, this degree of wisdom that just came off him in spades without him even saying a word.

“That was four years ago. The year before you...” She stopped abruptly, frowning.

“Died,” he encouraged. “You can say it. It’s okay.”

Fiona reached for his other hand, Zoë still tucked safely in the crook of his arm, lacing their fingers and squeezing gently. Jude squeezed back. “So then what happened?”

She pressed her lips and sighed. “Well, we were drawn to each other after that. Something about four hours in an elevator with someone really changes things,” she managed a chuckle. “And we spent the week together. Best week of my life, I think.”

“Considering where you are right now...” he motioned toward Zoë

She blushed at that, his words heavy with meaning. If she’d known then what she knows now, how things could’ve been different, and yet probably exactly the same.

“We started... seeing each other after that,” she continued. “Sort of. He was in California at the time, and we... I dunno, it became this thing of meeting somewhere in the middle twice a year.”

“Is that where you’d disappear to twice a year? And your strategically placed selfies, you were with him?” Andi asked.

Fiona laughed softly. “Okay, they weren’t strategically placed. I was with him, but we just… There was this unspoken thing between us where we wouldn’t talk about how the easiest thing would be to make it real and just be together. He was finishing up law school and I had grad school and started up the bakery. There was too much... It feels like a bunch of excuses now, but at the time all of it felt so important to keep our lives exactly as they were. As if not doing that would somehow taint whatever it was we’d created.”

“Sounds like every good love story,” Jude said. “Though if you ask me, I think you were wasting time.”

She scoffed. “Oh, sure.” He smiled, wrinkling his nose. At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. No one ever said there was any logic to us. We just ended up taking every little moment we could, and made the most of it when we were together. And when we weren’t, we went back to our lives. And then... he got married about a year ago. And it stopped.”

“So wait, he met his wife while he was with you?” Andi sounded a bit defensive.

“It wasn’t like that,” Fiona said quickly. “And it isn’t as defensive as I know I sound right now. It was just…”

“Complicated,” Jude finished.

Fiona sighed. “Yeah.”

“So where does she come in?” Andi asked, motioning to Zoë. “And is she really…”

“She’s mine,” Fiona admitted, and maybe it was the late hour and the over-exhaustion, maybe it was having Jude back, and the notion of being surrounded by two of her best friends in the world that made her be honest about it. “Biologically, she’s my daughter. We… we were stupid.”

“You slept together.”

Fiona nodded, bowing her head. She hadn’t wanted to think about it because of the shame she felt at the thought of allowing herself to go there.

“I was never supposed to see him again once he got married. The last time I saw him, we didn’t even…” She swallowed hard. “We just talked, and we said goodbye. And then cut to a year later, that clinic reached out to me from when I signed up years ago. And they needed a surrogate, and I figured it was going to be fine. And then I walked into the room to meet the couple, and there he was.”

“Oh, Fi… how did you do this by yourself?” Andi asked. “Why didn’t you tell me? Or even Waverly?”

“Because it wasn’t ever supposed to be this much of a mess,” she sniffled, unsure of when she’d started crying. She wiped at her hands with her free hand as Jude squeezed her other one. “And you and Waverly flipped out the moment I told you about the baby, imagine how it would’ve been if I’d told you it happened the way that it did.”

“Babe, I told you, I was only upset you didn’t tell me,” Andi gave her knee a squeeze. “You didn’t have to do this alone. Any of it.”

“I thought I could do it by myself, they were supposed to be strangers, and I was just supposed to help. I just didn’t account for it ever being him,” She bit her lip. “We were never supposed to do anything, ever, there was just a night where we made the mistake. His wife was out of town, and we went out somewhere to talk because she had to know about us. Nothing was happening then, but she deserved to know I wasn’t just some stranger. And he... begged me...” she shut her eyes, the desperation in his eyes that day still clear in her mind. “I was so angry, but I was so emotional because of those stupid hormone shots and… it never happened again and I tried to create some distance.”

“And now she’s here...” Jude ran his thumb over the back of Fiona’s hand, his eyes shifting down to a sleeping Zoë.

“And I don’t want to give her up because she’s my daughter, and I feel it so much when I look at her. I don’t want to imagine life without her, but they’re expecting a baby they paid a lot of money to have. And Eli… my god, he loves her. He fell for her instantly.”

“And he loves you,” Jude said matter-of-factly. “The look on both your faces earlier told me everything I needed to know,” he told her, not a hint of judgement to his observation. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand.

“But none of that changes anything. He has an entire world, and a wife. A family.” Zoë stirred in that moment, quietly whining.

“Hey, hey… you’re okay,” Jude murmured as her little face wrinkled, clearly upset. “I think she wants her mama.”

Fiona reached for her, bringing her into her arms and drawing her close. “Hello sweetheart,” she whispered, leaning down to press a kiss to her nose. “I’m here, baby. I’ve got you.” She rubbed her back, and tried to soothe her, watching as she quieted down.

“You’re just so good with her, Fi,” Andi said softly, her own eyes welling. “You can’t just…”

“Can I give you some perspective?” Jude offered, looking between them. His heart squeezed as he watched mother and daughter connect and hold one another. He thought briefly about how he missed this with Waverly and Eleanor, and it broke his heart. They could’ve had this memory, too. “From someone who had to give everything up and not exactly by choice.”

Fiona rubbed Zoë’s back again, feeling her settle against her. “Anything.”

“I know this is complicated, and messy, and that there’s so much up in the air, but she’s your daughter, and regardless of what the fall out might be, you shouldn’t give her up. And I don’t know Eli, but from what I saw, he seems like a really good guy. I don’t think he’d take her from you if you said you wanted to keep her.”

“Jude, it’d break his heart. And his wife… this is her life, too.”

“That’s not your problem, love,” Andi said. “Because you losing that baby would break your heart.”

“Take it from me,” Jude continued. “Regardless of the mistake you made, you don’t need to be a martyr and break your own heart to make it right.”

“He’s right, Fi. I know how you are, and I love you for it, but he’s the one who’s responsible for the mess. And he has to be man enough to deal with it, regardless of what the final decision is.”

Zoë settled against her, head lolling against her shoulder. And Fiona knew in that moment she didn’t want to be without her, but she also knew she couldn’t take her away from Eli. And he had an entire world to answer to. She couldn’t help but make it her problem.

“Whatever you decide, just know you won’t be alone in it,” Andi said. “And now since Jude has been kind enough to come back from the dead,” she teased and he chuckled. “I hope it’s not too soon for jokes.”

“From you? Never,” he smiled.

Andi smiled. “Now that he’s back, you’ve got him, too.”

[flexmains]

i was invited to join a gold/plat team for hunters of artemis and i’m actually so excited 0:

a) cool fckin’ concept and discord

b) i have literally wanted to zen so much, but when i play with the dead inside server, i hate to say that there was literally no one i trusted to tank when we did placements except for fromaj on dva, which was a godsend, so i ended up playing winston and orisa a lot. 

but now i’m a starter on the roster for one of the teams and i’m locked into support only and they actually WANT me to play zen bc they said i was fragging out sometimes during tryouts and...........

that makes me... feel happy, actually nndbmmndmnm ; v; 

and now i’m gonna have a plat 2-2-2 team ALL the time when i practice and i’m just genuinely so excited?? 

one of the gm coaches watched us during tryouts and gave us all feedback, and ????? oh my god, it was super insightful and it all made sense as good advice that i’d never particularly worded in my mind before and i was....... so glad T 3T

i also joined w.ow (women in ovw), and they’re gonna practice less as structured comp teams maybe and more like “practicing doing callouts and coordinating and working as a team” practice, so i’m. basically ready for the next few months of life. all i need is for one of these legal assistant applications to go through and i will. be set for the next month. and if the pay is good enough, i’ll pay my mother back for the polisci class i dropped after graduation last year and then...... i’ll save up a fund....... to get a cat.

but tmrw i start practice with hunters and next week with w.ow and i’m.............. super excited i wanna GIT GUD at my favorite game

tryouts were rough bc we were trying out for specific roles, so we always ran 1 healer 1 tank 3 dps and one rando. a hanzo was throwing during our dive comp test round, so the coaches flamed him in match chat and told us to requeue, which was immensely funny, actually. i kind of tanked, but i........ messed up ALL MY DVA BOOSTS and winston leaps and it was....... bad. 

but tbh, i love playing zen so much and i’m so glad this team wants me to practice with them T ___T there are literally so many admins of the server on this team too dbfndbfnmbd I GUESS MURDERING THEM IN FFA BEFORE TRYOUTS WORKED? i feel.... warm and fuzzy. this is exactly what i was hoping to rekindle my interest in overwatch and help me divest it from weird old memories and i dbfndbnfdbfb i recognize why i placed in gold, but i do think with practice i can earn a plat sr, and i finally found a team that’s even more into comp and mechanics and everything than i am and i’m :’D

i also went back again to my school for a pre-law dinner thing, which was...... horrific, but in a good way, i guess. i talked to all those lawyerly alums after standing awkwardly in a corner upon realizing i knew not a single person in that dining room... and it was fine... it was definitely nice talking to them about their specific paths, and it definitely settled my nerves about applications, but i still wonder..... what i’m gonna do with it... 

i feel like i believe that if i fell in love with what i could do, i’d really make myself learn public speaking to finally get to shout all these pent-up frustrations and thoughts as coherent sentences... and i’d love it. it’s dumb, but i also wanted to do this ovw team thing because of the communication thing and speaking up and knowing when to listen and when maybe it’s okay for me to bark something with the intention of getting someone else to listen to me and help me out :’D

how malleable is my personality? i like when i kind of dissociate myself from my fears and decide sometimes that there are some people whose opinions of me i just don’t care about, and i try to mold myself into presenting my personality differently...... but i guess rn i still err on the side of sitting aside and listening rather than speaking B’)

i just feel like i don’t know enough to talk, you know? i don’t deserve that voice yet... but if i just edjumacate myself enough...... the right time to share what little i do  know will come up. hopefully.

this is all because i saw a shelter profile for a cat named jude who has the sweetest face and most beautiful photos and i want to adopt him so badly, but the time...... is not now...... ; ___; and that fucking breaks my heart, because he sounds and looks like my dream cat.......

[winedwords]

Drabble Prompt List - the Lyric Edition; part 1

More angst, drama, and smut than anything lighthearted here. All inspired by the eclectic writing playlists I have. Send me the character you would like along with a number and we’ll get this party started.

Drabble Prompt List - the Lyric Edition;

“You be good and don’t you miss me.” - Hey There Delilah, Plain White T’s

“I’m wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.” - There’s A Good Reason, Panic! At the Disco

“I love you but I’ll leave you. I don’t want you but I need you.” - Colder Weather, The Zac Brown Band

“Does he take care of you? Or could I fill his shoes?” - Sex, The 1975

“Am I the one you fear or your biggest mistake?”- Cheers Darlin, Damien Rice

“Is it bad that I’ve never made love?” - Bad, Wale

“That little kiss you stole, it held my heart and soul.“ - Deathbeds, Bring Me The Horizon

“You were good on the low for a faded fuck.” - Needed Me, Rihanna

“I knew a couple of your friends way before…” - Childs Play, Drake

“I was made to keep your body warm, but I’m cold as the wind blows, so hold me in your arms.” - Ed Sheeran, Kiss Me

“Cause you know I get excited when you get jealous.” - Jealous, Nick Jonas and Tinashe

“If your stomach feels weak then my work here is done.” - The Words ‘Best Friend’ Become Redefined, Chiodos

“Take me home. I’d rather die than be with you." - If You Wanted A Song Written About You, Mayday Parade

"I don’t know where you’re going, just get your ass back home.” - Ass Back Home, Gym Class Heroes

“My heart won’t tell my mind to tell my mouth what it should say.” - As She’s Walking Away, The Zac Brown Band

“Is this what I get for the choices that I made?” - Don’t Go, Bring Me The Horizon

“If by chance you’re laying next to someone else right now, I hope its the worst sex ever.” - Drunk Texting, Chris Brown and Jhene Aiko

“I’m trying to see how your lips feel.” - Clothes Off!, Gym Class Heroes

“It’s not love, but it’s pretty close.” - Bed Peace, Jhene Aiko and Childish Gambino

“I have the loves of many men. But I don’t love any of them.” - Cheat on Me, Metallica

“Tell me, how long could you hang on to a word?” - Intensity in Ten Cities, Chiodos

“Even though you don’t love me, just tell me you love me.” - Wicked Games, The Weeknd

“I need your fingerprints all over me.” - Fingerprints, Kita Klane

“I fell in love in the back of a cop car.” - Cop Car, Keith Urban

“We’re on earth to break each other’s hearts.” - Ferrari, The Neighbourhood

“But tonight I’m gonna give in one last time.” - Tomorrow, Chris Young

“Summer’s meant for loving and leaving.” - White Mustang, Lana Del Rey

“I’m not saying its your fault, although you could have done more.” - Naive, The Kooks

“If you’re under him, you’re not getting over him.” - New Rules, Dua Lipa

“I wonder what you taste like.” - Run, the Maine

“Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?” - Someone Like You, Adele

“But soon you’ll see she don’t want no goody two shoes.” - Nice Guys Finish Last, Cobra Starship

“I wanna love you, but something’s pulling me away from you.” - Judas, Lady Gaga

“I’ve told you time and time again I’m not as think as you drunk I am.” - Don’t Threaten Me with a Good Time, Panic! At the Disco

“I’ve had you so many times but somehow I want more.” - She Will Be Loved, Maroon 5

“Didn’t we just break each other’s hearts?” - Champagne Problems, Nick Jonas

“Lets face it; it’s a sad situation when we have to resort to keyboards as a means of making relations.” - New Friend Request, Gym Class Heroes

“My heart may be missing, but my hands will make up for it.” - Animal, The Cab

“The moment he laid eyes on you he knew the only wish he wanted came true.” - Mr. Right, A Rocket To The Moon

“Maybe you could swing by my room around 10:00.“ - Don’t, Ed Sheeran

"You don’t own me. Don’t say I can’t go with other boys.” - You Don’t Own Me, Lesley Gore

“I’m terrified you were love of my life.” - Bambi, Jidenna

“Maybe one day I’ll settle down. But for now, I’ll just play around.” - Love ‘Em All, K. Michelle

“You’re never gonna love me, so what’s the use?“ - Lies, Marina and the Diamonds

”'Cause right now could last forever… Just as long as I’m with you.“ - A Daydream Away, All Time Low

“I’d probably still adore you with your hands around my neck.” - 505, Arctic Monkeys

"I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me." - Dance Dance, Fall Out Boy

"Whatever hell (s)he’s putting you through, I can’t wait for you to take it out on me.” - Take it out on Me, Florida Georgia Line

“(S)he’s got a bad reputation, but I know what they don’t.” - Bad Reputation, Shawn Mendes

“Girl, you look good enough to eat” - Monster, Lady Gaga

“Tell all the English boys you meet about the American boy back in the States.” - Jude Law and the Semester Abroad, Brand New

“My mama said you was bad news, you proved her right, every single night." - Since Way Back, Drake

"A little bit dangerous, but, baby, that’s how I want it.“ - Into You, Ariana Grande

"Don’t you ever say I just walked away.” - Wrecking Ball, Miley Cyrus

“I wanna taste her lips ‘cause they taste like you.” - Girl Crush, Little Big Town

[cherrystreet]

"should we just search romantic comedies on netflix and see what we find?" so, i totally come to you with every fic idea that pops into my head. but like, i reeeally need little snippets of the times harry and louis decide to put on netflix. like, after takeout arrives or for movie night with the lads or to pick a new show to watch because they just finished the office (us version this time). or even when they're bickering and get passive aggressive over what to watch for said movie night

This is a little different than what you wanted but that’s only because I don’t know how to write domestic pieces so I hope this is okay and ily xx

It didn’t start as a routine.

The first time it happened, it was a Tuesday night filled with too much homework, the October weather already too cold for Harry’s liking. The blinking cursor on a blank Word document seemed to be mocking him, laughing at his inability to form a cohesive thought after working nonstop for the past four hours. Eventually, he abandoned his endless string of papers, walking aimlessly around his apartment for the better part of an hour in an attempt to find something better than writing 5,000 words on Game Theory. Nothing jumped out at him, so he continued to shuffle around, sighing obnoxiously, until his roommate Sam hollered from the other room, “If you don’t cut it with those pathetic noises, I’m going to punch you in the throat.”

Harry frowned. “I’m not even being loud,” he yelled back.

“Shut up and do your homework.”

“But my brain is fried–”

“Harry, enough.”

“Ugh.” He kicked off his shoes and slumped down onto the couch, staring at the clock as the minute hand steadily ticked forward. Somehow, watching time was more appealing than reopening up his laptop and forcing himself to write another word.

Sam was right. Absolutely pathetic.

“What should I do?” he asked after a few minutes, eyes nearly glazed over.

“The fuck should I know,” Sam replied, finally appearing around the corner. “Go down to the Hub.”

“It’s too cold out for that. And it’s raining.”

“Order some food.”

“I don’t have any money on me.”

“Watch a movie.”

“Nothing good is on.”

“How would you even know?! The TV is off!”

Harry shrugged. “Gimme your Netflix password. Maybe new stuff has been added.”

“Will you finally stop talking?”

“Maybe.”

Sam reached for the remote to the TV. “Thank God.”

 It took about 17 minutes of “Chopped” for Harry to send out a text to everyone he could think of, a simple Come over. Everyone’s here. He didn’t want to sit alone, just wanted to unwind with the company of some friends. Sam was clearly no help, just kept yelling from his bedroom to keep the volume down, that “some people actually take their classes seriously, Harry.” And saying that everyone was already gathered together wasn’t technically a lie. Sam was there. And his fish. And the cast of “The Office,” currently streaming from the main TV in the living room.

Whatever. Semantics. People would be there shortly. People to talk to him and not tell him to shut up.

Twenty minutes later, Louis was standing in front of Harry, sweatpants too big and glasses smudged.

“Shut up,” he said, tugging on his hoodie strings. “What is this?!”

So much for that, Harry thought. “What?”

“You said people were here. It’s just you.”

“Is that so bad?”

“If I wanted to spend the night doing nothing and listening to someone drone on and on about nothing, I’d put on a Bob Ross special.”

Harry furrowed his brow. “Bob Ross is extremely talented…”

“Bob Ross is dead. And boring. And he never would have tricked me into coming here on a shitty Tuesday night under false pretenses.”

“I thought other people would show up!” He squished deeper into the couch cushions. “You gonna leave?”

Louis groaned and kicked Harry’s shoes out of the way as he climbed onto the couch beside him. “No. I came all the way here.”

“It’s, like, a nine minute walk…”

“Yeah, nine minutes in the wind and rain. You better have food as compensation. And why the fuck are you watching the British version of ‘The Office’? Why do you hate yourself? Give me the remote.”

Harry shook his head, standing up to grab snacks, wondering how constant abuse was the better alternative to staring idly at the wall.

The following Tuesday, Harry turned in his biochemistry assignment early, cracking his knuckles as soon as he his submit. It felt good to get rid of a week’s worth of studying, to not have to look at it anymore, and he slipped out of his jeans and into his most worn pair of pajama pants, the hole in the knee stretching with every wash. It didn’t take long for the couch to mold perfectly to his body, the apartment warm and quiet, Sam out for the evening. It was relaxing. It was welcoming. It was. Not what Harry wanted.

“Hey, I’ll order pizza,” he said through the phone’s receiver. “Dominos, if you want it.”

“I always want it,” Louis replied. “Cheap shot.”

“Pepperoni?”

“Ugh, Harry, can’t Steve Carell wait? We know what happens.”

“But it’s my favorite episode and I wanna watch you watch it.”

“I’ve seen it before.”

“I’ve never seen you watch it, though. Lou, they have a fucking benefit for rabies. Rabies. I need to see your face when Michael donates a giant check to a disease that’s already been cured.”

“Oh my God,” Louis snorted, but Harry could tell he was wearing him down. “Alright, whatever, fine, but make sure it’s extra cheese with the pepperoni.”

 Seven days later, Harry did much less arm twisting, just casually mentioning they were up to the start of season five. Louis texted back, Don’t start without me. I’ll know if you’re lying.

Harry sucked in his cheeks, smile worming its way out, anyway. Wouldn’t dream of it.

The last Tuesday of the month, Louis was knocking on Harry’s door without bothering to ask if he was busy. Harry let him in graciously, snacks already on the coffee table and blankets on the arm of the couch.

And just like that, Tuesday became Harry’s favorite day of the week.

It’s been five months since Harry and Louis created their non-date date night, and they’ve gone through nearly everything on the Netflix list that moderately sparks their interest. Comedies, dramas, documentaries, musicals… They’ve watched them all, not too picky, hunkering down together to enjoy a casual night of TV. And neither one of them got bored of it, never asking to cut the night short or go out to do something else. Harry loves having the time to unwind, loves the fact that he has something so comfortable to count on, loves Louis’ company more than just about anything.

And that’s why he snaps when Louis doesn’t show up on Tuesday night in late March, the Netflix home screen nearly burned onto Harry’s retinas, waiting for Louis to walk through the door and pick the movie. He taps his fingers along his thighs, annoyed, wondering where the hell he could be. Nine o’clock comes and goes, as does ten o’clock, and by 11:30, “The Holiday” playing quietly in the background, Harry is less angry and more concerned that something horrible has happened. Louis doesn’t answer his phone the second time Harry calls him, or the third, but he does by the ninth, beyond irritated when he picks up.

“Harry, what the fuck,” he says, his voice tight. There’s a lot of background noise but Harry can’t figure out where he might be. “You had better be fucking dying.”

Harry skims his finger along the frayed edge of the blanket, suddenly embarrassed. “No, but, like, where are you? Are you okay?”

“I’m at Ian’s. Is that why you called 100 times? Are you for real?”

“Why aren’t you here?” he says stupidly, his face hot. Who’s Ian? He hates him, regardless. “‘m watching Cameron Diaz try to seduce that hot British guy…”

“Jude Law?!”

“Yeah, him, and, like–”

“Harry, you called me nine times to talk to me about Jude Law.” It’s not a question.

“No,” he starts, “I didn’t. I called you nine times to ask why you stood me up.”

“Did we have plans?”

Harry looks down at his lap. “I mean, not verbal ones, but you always come here on Tuesdays and you’re not here now and–”

“Ian wanted to get a drink before he headed to Spain for the rest of the semester,” Louis says, cutting him off. “I didn’t think I needed to cancel a stupid friend hangout to do that. You’re kind of acting like a crazy boyfriend.”

“It’s not stupid and that’s not…” He starts to argue, but stops himself short, his heart racing in his chest. He knows he’s being irrationally angry and insane and, well, idiotically jealous, and now that Louis’ had to go ahead and say the B word, it’s ricocheting through his brain like live wire, sparking and hot. The thing is, they’re not boyfriends, because that’s not a line they’ve ever crossed, but just about everything they do - Tuesdays and otherwise - might argue that fact. They meet each other after class for coffee, they call each other on Sunday mornings, they spend school breaks at each other’s homes. Harry carries Louis’ backpack, Louis buys Harry dinner, they steal one another’s clothing… They share a fucking blanket on Harry’s Goddamn couch every single week, their knees brushing together, sending shocks up Harry’s spine, Harry unable to stop himself from stealing a series of unsubtle glances at Louis’ profile, his cheekbones, his lips. Fuck. His temple throbs and he does his best to swallow around the lump in his throat. Boyfriend. “Okay, yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry,” he chokes out.

Louis breathes through the phone for a beat too long. “I’m safe. I wasn’t kidnapped. I just… We’ll hang out later, alright?”

He doesn’t sound angry anymore, but Harry feels too antsy to keep talking. “Yeah, later. Bon voyage to Ian. I’ll see you this weekend or something.”

“Okay,” he replies. “Or something.”

Harry hangs up the phone with a thousand words on the tip of his tongue, but he swallows every single one of them and wills himself to stop thinking about the fact that he’s gone and lost his mind over his best friend spending the night out with a guy who isn’t him. He should be here on this couch, thigh pressed up against Harry’s, and this is not the way it was supposed to go. None of it was.

He must doze off at some point, because the next thing he knows, there’s a bang on the door, followed by a tinny voice mumbling, “Please let me in. I’m tired and cold.”

Harry flicks on the hallway light and pulls open the door as quickly as his body will allow himself to, finding himself face to face with a pink-cheeked Louis. “Lou, it’s…” He looks over at the clock. “Two in the morning.”

Louis shrugs, worming his way inside. “Yeah, well. I’m two hours late for our date. Sorry about that. You still watching ‘The Holiday’?”

He bites back his smile, body feeling like it’s deflating. “Finished it earlier. Should we just search romantic comedies on Netflix and see what we find?”

“That… Sounds like the worst idea I’ve ever heard.”

Harry snorts, closing the door behind him and follows Louis into the living room. Louis’ already making himself comfortable on the couch, yawning. “Then what do you suggest?”

“We haven’t checked out the horror genre in a while.”

“Yeah, for a reason.” He sits beside Louis, lets Louis drape his legs across his lap. Like a magnet, his hand immediately goes to grip Louis’ ankle. “I get nightmares.”

Louis looks up at him from under his lashes, blinking slower than usual, and it makes Harry’s stomach twist. Maybe he’s tired. Maybe it’s something else. “Big baby.”

“Yeah,” he says, smirking, thumb drawing circles across Louis’ skin. “That’s me.”

Neither of them say anything else, nor do they move, and Harry’s trying to find something to say that isn’t something clicked for me tonight, but Louis speaks first, licking his lips.

“Sorry I stood you up,” he says softly, grabbing for the remote and selecting the first title on the menu, not looking at Harry. “I was a dick about it.”

Harry shrugs, inching his way closer, watching the way the screen’s colors dances across Louis’ face. “It’s alright. Just missed you.”

He can actually hear Louis swallow. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Louis nods, biting at his bottom lip. He’s nervous. Harry exhales once he notices. “Can I stay over tonight?”

Harry isn’t sure what the implications are behind his question, or why Louis’ bothering to ask when he’s never asked before - usually just passes out on the couch or on Harry’s bed, curling up into a ball on the edge of the mattress - but it’s clear something has changed, based on the way Louis is looking up at him. He’s never looked at Harry like that before.

“Yeah,” Harry murmurs, “Lou, whatever you want.”

He doesn’t remember closing his eyes, doesn’t remember leaning in, but then there’s just breath between them, and then not even that, just skin on skin, warm and sweet and entirely too perfect. And Harry has no idea what’s playing on the screen in front of them, but it’s decidedly his new favorite film.