#but some post about him make me wonder if people understand that behind his actions it was other factors playing besides his personality

[brazilian-whalien52]

Kawi is not just shy he has social anxiety disorder (SAD).

A Quick summary of social anxiety: "A person with social anxiety disorder feels symptoms of anxiety or fear in situations where they may be scrutinized, evaluated, or judged by others" 

You can see through the drama how he cares about the opinion of others. He builds his whole life over what other people think about him and, in the same way, pushes other people way and keeps a distance. 

He also, in many moments, freezes in front of others. For example, when he has to sing as a first-year student in front of his classmates. Besides avoiding places or situations where he feels other people may judge him, which causes him to not have any meaningful connections in the future and regretting all the opportunity he lost. Even the work he ends up at is basically another form of isolation (he does subtitles in his home office and the contact with his boss seems to be mostly through his cellphone).  

After a social situation, he tries to over analyse his "performance", looking for flaws in his interactions, blaming himself and regretting the things he said/did. Also, he tends to expect the worst possible consequences from a social interaction or negative experience, believing that any mistakes he makes will turn people against him. Basically, he doesn't allow himself to make mistakes, especially during social interactions. You can see him expressing this a lot in the firsts episodes. 

Another thing that shows is that he doesn't feel comfortable eating in front of others, a usual trait in people with social anxiety disorder (observational social fears). It is also pretty common for people with SAD to develop drinking problems. Normally, they have alcohol because it's a way they can be "fun and spontaneous" around other people. However, how he was before, also shows his social anxiety. He was too afraid of drinking and getting loose around other people. That's probably why he never drank. Basically, he went to two different extremes in that matter.  

Plus, people that are part of a minority group (in this case queer) are more likely to have social anxiety disorder. 

[toskarin]

just because I'm thinking about it, here's one of those periodic posts where I list off a few random youtube channel recommendations I've been enjoying lately (or have been enjoying long-term (or for any length of time really))

Masaru. - I like fishing. but I can't do it at the moment. Masaru also likes to fish. he free dives, he brings a fish up, he cooks the fish, then he says how it tastes. sometimes it is an unusual fish. sometimes it tastes good. sometimes it tastes wretched. he will tell you. this singlehandedly solves basically every single complaint I have with most cooking/fishing channels. this is cocomelon to me

MIQ(MIO) - it's MIQ! one of the strongest anison vocalists of... well, basically ever. it's her official channel! she uploads concert recordings, karaoke advice for her own songs, and general updates on what she's doing here. I'm always aghast when I see how low her viewcounts are, given that she's an industry legend who's been going strong for over 40 years.

bellykelly - vinyl collector, uploading some really good cuts that you'd be hard-pressed to find anywhere else. one of those channels where I'm always up to date on uploads, and when I fall behind, I just playlist it all to catch up

Xerxes Vinyl Classics - vinyl collector, hasn't upload in a while, but has lots of older releases and remix pressings that are otherwise pretty rare. has some of the higher quality recordings of cantopop releases that are otherwise a little difficult to listen to in acceptable quality

Zuka Zhvania - music-enjoyer and song-uploader with a VERY frequent upload schedule. he's (as far as I know) not an official promoter or anything, but he's pretty damned good at keeping the tunes coming. if you're looking for someone to set you on some obscure industrial and house cuts, check out this channel

LIVING ONLY RECORDS - official channel for a doujin label with some absolutely fantastic noise rock, punk, and shoegaze bands on it. it's my understanding that this is less of "a record label" and more of a way for 群青リボン and friends to book out live houses together while selling merch at one table. which is a pretty noble cause

Someone45356 - probably laying pretty safe claim to the title of "most genre-firsts in the touhou doujin scene," Someone45356 is a strong recommend just for the level of care they put into their arrangements. I love their video thumbnails and their arrangement notes in the video description. a great channel at any level of musical interest (but an ESPECIALLY good channel if you're also a musician)

UPROAR24 - sick and tired of plguin and samplepack demo videos that are 75% ad copy by volume and still don't manage to show you the stupid thing in action? tired of looking at questionably-useful free vsts and not being able to tell whether you're even comfortable having that rubbish on your pc? UPROAR24 runs a channel that's pretty explicitly a reaction to this, making dodgy demos of dodgier plugins. works lovely as a catalogue to browse when you're looking for a new toy

USUDA - the pillar of the Armored Core fan community, USUDA has arranged more Armored Core music than anyone else short of actual FromSoft staff. he also releases his music for free download, including his midi arrangements. very friendly guy in all the interactions I've seen, and also pretty good at remembering people he's seen in other comment sections. I'd honestly shoot him a message first if I had any questions about arranging songs from these games lol

Ricardo Cruz - if you've listened to any portugese (br) covers of anison, you've heard Ricardo Cruz. even if you only listen to originals, there's still a pretty fucking solid chance you've heard him, because he's a JAM Project contributor. absolutely wonderful channel if you like watching skilful singers duet with other powerhouses

Saint Mauve - the best Hellsinker channel on youtube, which isn't an especially competitive title. but I think Saint Mauve would probably still be the best Hellsinker channel on youtube even if there were more than like three. my qualifier for when I've found something weird in the Hellsinker periphery is when I haven't seen Saint Mauve post about it. also plays other (often HS-adjacent) doujin stg and has good opinions on them

Tom Green - this is a weird recommendation but if you don't intuitively understand the appeal of a now-early-50s Tom Green calmly talking about his farm animals and riding around on a horse for hours at a time, I'm really not sure I can sell you on it. oddly calming

mercurytower - this channel is run by Asa, the musician behind Souvenirs to Forget. before they started releasing their original work, this was mostly used to upload guitar covers (which are good, but guitar covers aren't really enough to make me give a glowing recommendation of a channel). Souvenirs to Forget is a really exciting solo project and one I'm personally keeping an eye on. naturally, they upload their releases to this channel

Trance Classics - vinyl collector, records videos to go with the music, focuses more or less entirely on trance. I've got no excuse here. I just fucking love trance and always have, so you can pander to me really easily by just making a channel like this. if you like trance, it has hours and hours of trance

SJ HanStone Lee - the early-gen Mabinogi composer, among a lot of other things. it's been a while since he's posted anything new on this channel, but I check in every now and again. by my reckoning, one of the best mmo composers (and honestly one of the best game composers in general) of the past two decades. there's some stuff on here and his soundcloud that serves as wink-wink-nudge-nudge loveletters to his time working on the early Mabinogi soundtrack

[renren-006]

Promises | Ethan Hunt x Reader

summery:  international spy romance. “Promis me”

warning: violence, fluff, action

word count: 1337

a/n: so i saw the new Mission impossible movie and it made me realize that i need to post about Ethan Hunt! I have loved those movies since i was a kid and have been obsessed with them! so let me know if anyone wants any more Ethan Hunt stories!!! 

You were an IMF agent, just like Ethan Hunt. You were a few years behind him experience wise, but you were the best there was at hand to hand combat. You already knew martial arts before you went into the academy and were leagues ahead of some of your other classmates who soon dropped out and were back on the run. Most of the IMF agents you knew were there for crimes their countries would let go of if they accepted, so here you were with a few small misdemeanors training to be a ghost and save the world if it needed it. 

The first time you worked with Ethan it was in another country, trying to find an arms dealer who was trying to enact a war in Europe. You were scheduled to arrive behind the other team already there so when you showed up and met Ethan, Luthor and another guy, you knew tensions would be high. Ethan was your leader, and soon you knew you would follow him into anything if he asked you too. The arms dealer ended up in MI6 hands after the case was finished and his wrong doings and weapons were sent off to be evaluated and locked up. 

You followed Luthor onto a few other cases after that, still a low ranking IMF agent that they couldn't put you out in the field with anything big just yet. Soon, the worried of climbing the ranks would come with knowing that you were involved in a relationship with another high ranking and known rouge operative. 

*Few Years later*

“Ethan” you said breathlessly as you were pushed up against a wall of a broom closet at the headquarters of IMF. You were off duty but in house because you were following small leads for a bigger case. Ethan was there for a debriefing and the two of you bumped into one another. This relationship between the two of you started a few years back after a case with the two of you. A small injury on you left Ethan with worries and soon a heated make out as the two of you expressed the building tension between you. While you were younger than Ethan, the two of you didn't care. Both of you also didn't care about the rules about having relationships with other agents. 

“Y/N” Ethan responded as he kissed your neck. “What's the problem hun?” 

“I am not doing this in a broom closet Ethan, and on IMF floors” you stated trying to get the man of you. He looked disappointed. “Ethan” you said with power, hoping he would listen and not make your already horny mind, let you be defiled on IMF floors. 

“Fine, no I understand, later then?” he asked, moving on to hope for another chance to see you. 

“Yes, later” you told him after buttoning up your shirt and kissing him on the cheek and leaving him in that closet alone to get back to the work you know you have to do. 

Soon later would be you Ethan, Luthor and another female agent on the road to deal with another problem the government needed you to handle. There was a kidnapping of a known daughter of one of the world's biggest, and your job was to save her, kill the people and erase their hard drives. So as you made your way to a shutdown mill in Nevada, you had a feeling something bad was going to happen. Ethan was busy working on a plan with Luthor and the other girl was reading over some information on the layout of the mill. You decided to step out of the little house you were stationed up in to get some air. You were older now, more experienced and a higher rank, and still you felt like a small kid when these sort of cases come up. You get scared and you shut down. Ethan followed you out of the house.

“Y/N what's wrong?” He asked you for a hand on your arm. 

“Im…scared something bad is going to happen in that mill”

“To the girl?” He asked, wondering that same question himself. Of course you were worried about the girl they had but for right now, you were more worried about the man next to you. He had a thing for running into danger and you wanted to keep him out of that when the plan was initiated. 

“No, to one of us” You said, turning finally to look at him. “Ethan I've known you for years, I've worked with you. Every-time i'm scared something is going to happen to you and I won't be there to save you”

“It's not your job to save me,” Ethan said, putting both hands on my arms, keeping me there to look at him.

“No, but it is my job to make sure everyone gets out alive.” You told him, “whether it is written or not I have a job to get in and out, no one is dead or dying and I can't help but feel like that will happen. I can't lose you”

“I can't lose you either” Ethan told you, pulling you in for a hug and hoping you would understand that he had very strong feelings for you. 

“Promise me you'll leave then. Promise me if i tell you to go, you'll go” You were desperate to keep him alive one mission longer.

“Yes, I promise” he said and you nodded your head, brushed him off and went back in the house to get ready for the mission. 

The mission started out smoothly. Only having a few bumps getting in and finding the girl, but with Luthor in your ear guiding you and the others you knew you would get there. The other girl, Smith, was detouring to there coms and other information rooms and blowing up their software, while you and Ethan went for the girl. When you find her, you make quick work of the men in the room but not fast enough that one pulls the alarm. You knew you only had minutes and the state the daughter was in you knew one of you would stay to get the others off you, and it had to be you. 

“Go” you yelled as you made it down the hallway. The men were gaining down the hallway, bullets going everywhere. You stopped by the door turning back around two guns in your hand. “Go, and you better be alive when I see you again,” you yelled. Ethan stopped. 

“No, I am not leaving you” Ethan shouted. 

“And you promised. Go” you told him turning back, seeing the daughter trying to stay alive, “get her help”

“I love you” Ethan said to you, as you both ducked from bullets.

“I love you, that's why I need you to go” and before he left a swift kiss to your lips gives you the strength to protect him and the girl out of the building. Of course you didn't leave with them, having to take them all down and leaving you with two hand battens and a couple of bigger guys.

You walked out of the building, a limp in one leg, a stab wound in your side and a few bruises. You didn't know if you wanted to throw up or pass out. Before you could a figure came at you picking you up and placing you in the truck that appeared beside you. Before you could register who it was you were out. 

The hospital bed was not as comfortable as you would have hopped, or maybe it was just the all body pain you were in. Ethan sat up to your right. 

“Told you I’d stay alive” he said, “What I should have done was make you promise not to sacrifice yourself for me”

“Good thing I didn't,” you said looking at him. “I'll do it again if I have to” “I know you will,” Ethan said kissing your hand.

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

Looking back at Steven Universe I had a lot of criticisms, but there were also a lot opinions and discourse that REALLY didn’t sit right with me—one of the biggest ones was the discourse surrounding “Storm in The Room”

I remember there being a lot of posts about how “Rose” was gaslighting Steven by asking him if he really believed she purposefully made him to run from her mistakes.

And I just. As someone who is close to their parents BUT also has had a lot of fights with them, and has had a lot of moments where I felt EXACTLY like Steven does during this scene, it was always very clear to me that this whole conversation and episode was Steven working out his complicated feelings about Rose on his own.

The “Rose” in the gif above is not real. It’s not actually Steven’s mom. That’s like. That’s the whole point.

Steven asking Room!Rose if she just created him to run away from her mistakes, and her responding by asking him if he really believes that, is Steven having an internal dialogue. He is talking things out with himself. It’s something I’ve done myself MANY times when I get in arguments or need to untangle my own feelings about something.

Steven’s fear and anxiety is that he wasn’t created to be his own person, but to fix Rose’s mistakes. However, on some level he doesn’t really believe that, he knows rationally Rose loves him and did not INTEND for him to be hurt by her past actions. But regardless of her intent, Steven was still hurt. And that hurt is real and important.

This room manifests Steven’s desires, feelings and thoughts. I always interpreted that scene as Steven coming to terms with the fact that his mother isn’t perfect and wonderful like he previously believed her to be. It’s him realizing she’s a PERSON who had flaws and did bad things.

He has to let himself feel the anger and hurt and betrayal and be upset before he can think rationally again and realize that no, he doesn’t really believe that his mom only made him to hide from her mistakes. But it’s still upsetting. It’s still hard. And as he says in this scene, he has to pick up the pieces of everything Rose left behind.

THAT is the point of this scene, and of “Storm in the Room” as a whole.

Something that I haven’t heard or seen talked about in regards to Steven Universe’s themes is the fact that, in life, you will hurt the people you love sometimes. And that you will be hurt by them in turn.

This happens multiple times through the series, and I personally think it’s done so well because the way the characters are written feel very true to life. The relationships in Steven Universe rupture and break, but the characters come together to repair their relationships again and again.

That is what a healthy relationship actually looks like—they are not devoid of conflict. Instead the people in the relationship work through conflict when it arises.

The reason the conflict in Steven Universe is so engaging to me personally is because its focus is on interpersonal relationships and how they take hard work and time.

This is something that is so important to understand, for kids and adults alike. That the people who love you become a part of you, and that they will hurt you—and while that doesn’t make them evil or malicious, that pain is still real and deserves to be acknowledged and those feelings should be treated seriously.

[yandere-sins]

Prisoner #002

a/n: I cut off your question at the end, but you did everything right, just maybe for the future try not to space out the ask so much, it’s a little impractical for me since it takes up a lot of space. You can condense your request, that is perfectly fine with me ^-^

Fandom: Genshin Impact     Pairings: Yandere!Prisoner!Childe x GN!Reader Warnings: Yandere, Sexual Content (Flirting, Kissing, Grinding, Dub-Con Activities, Innuendos, Nicknames, Mention of arousal, Hickies, Childe being a little too horny for the reader, Mentioning of sucking someone off, Rewarding actions with sexual acts, Mentioning of gore-y sex, Forced Relationship), Violence (Too many death mentions, Childe is a serial unaliver, Mentioning of gang activities, BLOOD MENTION, Mentioning of wounds, Biting, A fistfight, Talks about dismemberment and torture, Threats, Childe is a little crazy), Long post, Swear words

[Prison Project Introduction & How to request | Pinterest Moodboard]

"Woah there, Sunshine!"

Of course. It was just your luck that running from one psycho forced you into the arms of another, his hands covered in scars as he wrapped them around your arms, holding you in place with too much ease for your comfort. Your face still hurt from crashing into a wall, trying to dodge the fist swinging at you the moment the guard left you alone with your new roomie who was definitely out for more blood after killing your predecessor.

Luckily, you had picked up some skills here and there, running from various other people before you were finally caught. Some may think identity fraud was just being a scammer or a credit card swindler. But to you, it had always been so much more. You stole IDs from dead bodies to make another gamble with a new life in a new city, convinced gangs and police that you were on their side, and when it became too much, you ran, hid, and assumed a new identity, took the money out of the hands of people that trusted you, and started all over again.

It was fun as long as it lasted, but this man holding you in an iron grip was the first indication that your fun was about to end.

His eyes scanned over you, and catching his gaze, you felt a familiar cold shudder run down your spine. It was the same reaction you always had when looking into the face of a killer. You had met people like him before. Lifeless, empty husks that could only be filled with blood and the screams of their victims. Nothing else moved them anymore. Only with violence would they revert back into a human, cruelty the only thing that could rattle these bones.

You had always hated the enforcers of the gangs you met, their presence enough to kill the mood real fast. They were amongst the creepiest people you had to deal with, even though they only bothered you when your identity scam came to light. It was never even personal for either of you. Just a boss that wanted to see you dead, and the enforcers going to great lengths to achieve that, always just one step behind you. They had no pride, joy, empathy, or understanding to share with you.

"Let go," you demanded, this one not being someone out for your head yet. If he was any bit like the others, he'd have no business with you unless someone asked him to put your head on a silver plate. That could become a problem in the future. However, he surprised you with a smile on his face, masking his lifelessness under fake playfulness that you didn't expect from such a person.

"Sure thing if you give me a name."

"A name?"

Whose name? Yours? Did you even remember your real name after all the identities you had worn over the years?

"Why would I give you my name?"

Lips curling into a grin, you jerked away when he let go of one of your arms, but he merely chuckled as he reached for your face instead. Still caught in escape mode, your instinct was to keep fighting him, your frantic mind wondering how one person could be so strong when you were throwing your whole body into a backward movement. But when he finally gripped your chin, pressing his thumb into the left corner of your mouth, you flinched. Hard.

"I'm not asking for yours—yet. But you gotta tell me whose face to bruise if you want me to take care of the person that hurt you."

Pulling his hand away, you saw the blood inking his fingertip. But just as quickly as it appeared, it disappeared under his tongue as he licked it off, your gut clenching in disgust. "My cellmate," you pressed out through clenched teeth, feeling yourself grimace while you couldn't look away from this guy. He definitely looked exactly the same way as the killers you met before. However, this one here seemed to still have some sanity left to act on his own devices, which was perhaps even more dangerous. "I don't know his name."

"That's fine. You can just tell me which cell it is."

"Wait, what? I'm not going back there! I'd rather-- Hey--?!"

You were wholly unprepared for this red-haired, blue-eyed monster to pick you up with a gleeful laugh before announcing, "Off we go!" as he walked back in the direction you had come from.

"Let me down!" you screamed, but he just kept chuckling to himself, restraining your kicking legs with an arm wrapped around them, and you could feel his head shaking against your thigh.

"And miss the show? I don't think so. I don't think so..."

His last repeat was a mere whisper, but you could hear the ominous grin in his voice. You had no idea what he was going to do, and looking at him, even while knowing how strong his grip had been on you, you didn't think he'd have much chance against your cellmate, whose build was so much more bulky and resilient. And now you were brought back to the hell hole you ran from.

Caught for the first time in your life.

«──────── 🗡♡ ︎𓍝 ────────»

You thought you had seen it all.

Fights, blood, death.

But it was nothing compared to the sight before you.

With his bare hands, this spunky bastard made a puddle out of your... former... cellmate. There wasn't much to say aside from what ended up on your floor could have been a body... or minced meat. He didn't leave the fight unscathed, receiving some mean blows as he punched your roommate into a groaning mess, but perhaps the most disturbing thing about it was the never-ceasing smile on his face. He was definitely having fun.

"Hah..." With a satisfied sigh, the lunatic straightened his back and rolled his shoulders, letting his neck pop on each side as if he had just done a good workout. It had looked much more like a dance of death than anything else, captivating and yet too gruesome to look. Then, he turned to you. At the first sight of the fistfight, you should have gotten a grip and ran away, but with the crowd that had collected outside your cell door, standing silently as they watched one of theirs getting beaten into a pulp, it had been almost impossible to leave.

No less because, for some reason, you couldn't take your eyes off your unlikely protector even when blood disgraced his boyish features. The excitement that had come over him was fleeting, changing his eyes back into a much duller color until they found you across the room.

Brightening up again, he took a few strides towards you, and you held your breath, pressing into the wall in your back, almost fearing you were the next one experiencing what excitement meant to this maniac. However, before he could reach you, his expression changed, scrunching into what seemed like pain. He fell forward, catching himself by smashing his arm into the wall above your head, holding himself just inches away from you.

The position was almost suave if not for his free hand gripping his side as the pain manifested even stronger on his face, though he tried to mask it, once again, with a smile. "How was I?" he asked, and you were too stunned to understand his question. Splatters of blood had covered his front in a lot more red than even the orange of his overalls, and though he was clearly hurt, he was asking you... how he was?

"Did I do a good job avenging you?" he chuckled, apparently reading you like an open book.

Your eyes darted over to the worse-off prisoner, and you gave a half-hearted nod, feeling somewhere between disgusted and impressed. "Nevermind," the guy in front of you said sharply, snaking his arm around your neck. For a split second, you caught the emotionless eyes of a killer on him again, but when you met his gaze with yours, they almost changed back to those of a human.

"Help me to the infirmary, will you?" he asked, lowering his voice so not everyone could pry into your conversation before putting on a mask quicker than even you could and grinning over the pain. Well, you didn't plan on staying in your cell anyway, and another glance at the beaten prisoner on the floor confirmed that you'd rather not be here when he was found.

"Sure," you agreed, allowing him to shift his weight on you while you turned to the door. The crowd of onlookers let out soft murmurs and gasps but immediately stepped aside. You were surprised for a moment, remembering the same faces having ridiculed and mocked you just minutes ago when you had entered the prison. Of course, they weren't showing respect to you, but that thought only came to you much later.

"And your name," the man hanging on to you for dear life demanded chipperly. You glared at him from the corners of your eyes, but he gave you a surprised expression as if to say, "Why not?"

"It's [Name]," you finally relented, your own name leaving an icky feeling on your tongue. You discarded it for so long, only hearing it again at your trials and now having to hear it from your own mouth. "What's yours?"

He let out a wolf whistle which you glared at him for, but he only laughed about your attempts to intimidate, clearly not taking you seriously. "Call me Childe," he replied. Childe, the man with no fear, grinned from ear to ear as you nodded in acknowledgment, helping him drag his body to the infirmary.

«──────── 🗡♡ ︎𓍝 ────────»

"Thanks."

It was just a short, somewhat awkward showcase of thankfulness from you, but when you finally settled Childe on a clean bed with fluffy white sheets in a room cleaner than anywhere else in the facility, you had had enough time to realize he really stuck his head out for you for no reason. All of a sudden, you felt bad seeing him beaten up like this, groaning as he leaned back into a soft pillow, looking pretty pale by now. The way to the infirmary hadn't exactly been challenging, but he seemed very worn out by now, which you couldn't blame him for.

"Anytime, Sunny." Nevermind, he was back to grinning the second he heard what you said, looking no day past his prime as he wiggled his eyebrows at you. Charming.

"Don't call me that."

"Aww... and here I thought we were getting closer."

"That's not even the point--"

"AJAX! What did I tell you about getting into fights?! Don't come here after getting your ass kicked--!"

A booming voice interrupted you, and you snapped around, alerted, only feeling Childe's fingers wrap around your wrist when he pulled you closer to the bed. Your eyes met those of a tiny, old woman, having no bedside manner, apparently. However, when she saw you, she stopped ranting even though it sounded as if she was ready to let down a tirade of reprimands on your savior.

"It's good to see you, too!" Childe laughed awkwardly, and you felt his grip tighten a little, drawing your attention back to him. He caught your gaze head-on, not even inclined to look at the nurse that had just come in. She huffed, and it made you feel like you—as the reason for this visit—were the one at fault.

"He tried to defend me," you spoke up, giving him a nod, signaling you had his back. His lips parted, surprise dashing over his expression, but the nurse spoke up before he could add to your words.

"Don't try to lie for him. He constantly gets into fights. When he sees an opportunity, he takes it."

For some reason, that stung. Up until now, you had thought he was some crazy guy getting mad on your behalf. However, if her words were true, you had just been an opportunity for him to fulfill his violent tendencies. Way to go, feeling special and then getting crushed again. The you—the real one—you currently were simply wasn't that remarkable of a presence. That's why you had always preferred to be anyone but yourself.

The nurse proceeded with some tests, pushing into his abdomen until Childe was hissing and doubling over, and giving him some pills to swallow before patching up some lacerations you hadn't even seen under all the blood from the other guy. You watched, unsure what you could do to help. At some point, Childe slipped his hand into yours, allowing him to squeeze it when he felt pain, but he never did. He only held it, gently so, occasionally playing with your fingers when he answered the nurse's questions.

"Stop getting into fights," she warned him, wagging her finger at him. "I don't want to see you here anymore and take up my beds and time, you villain."

Watching her go, you whispered, "She's feisty," after she left, too scared to say your thoughts out loud.

"I know, she's great," Childe replied, moving around until he felt more comfortable with his position.

"She called you Ajax."

For the first time since you met him, he didn't reply to you wittily. He didn't reply at all. Shifting on your seat next to his bed, you checked if he had fallen asleep, but his eyes were wide open, unblinking as he stared at the ceiling. "So she did..."

His head turned back to you, these unreadable, dead eyes scanning you up and down until they landed on your face, his gaze softening a little when you cocked your head to the side questioningly. "I go by a few names, but you can call me whatever you want. Childe, Ajax, Tartaglia, Baby, Beloved, Daddy..."

"Okay, stop it," you huffed, pinching his forearm playfully, unable to hold back the hint of a smile dancing across your features. However, he winced at your touch, and you jumped up, hovering above him and intending to apologize for hurting him. But once you stood above him, his mischievous grin returned, and you rolled your eyes, realizing you had fallen for his trap.

Not letting you go this quickly, he cupped your face, his smile remaining even though his expression grew serious. "You defended me," he mumbled, thumb tracing your cheekbone as he followed the movement with his eyes. "No one ever did that before."

"Defend you? Back with the nurse?" you questioned, unable to believe that no one would have ever stuck up for him. "What about your family, didn't they--?"

"No."

His answer was as brief as it seemed truthful, brows furrowing in what seemed like a mix of anger and betrayal. "That's rough, Ajax," you mumbled, feeling bad for him. Sure, he was the strangest stranger you could have thought to encounter in these damned halls, but even if he chose a very bad way to solve problems, he did it for you.

Seeing your concern, he lightened up, giving an easy-going shrug to ease your mind. "They weren't a fan of my arrest. But that's my fault for not being more careful and getting caught."

"Caught doing what?" Did you even want to know?

"Cutting up the bodies of people who... got in the way."

Sighing, you should have anticipated that kind of answer by now. It was your own curiosity's fault for asking.

"Sheesh," you blew out, and his expression turned from chipper as he talked about dismemberment to worried.

"Do you hate me now?"

You had met a lot of people in your life. Living so many different lives, you were bound to meet a new set of faces in every new role you jumped into. But by method of elimination, Childe was definitely the weirdest of all of them. He could be violent, heartless, and completely detached from reality in one moment, flirting and laughing the next, and then turn into a punished puppy without so much as a warning.

"I'm... not sure. I don't think so, no."

"I beat someone up for you?" he tried to incite, and honestly, you couldn't help but laugh as he attempted the eyebrow wiggle again, failing miserably.

"That's true. I guess you are pretty... nice. In your own way. So, no. I don't hate you."

A bright, sparkling grin captured his lips, making him look childishly excited about what you said. "That's good! Really good! Remember that for after what I'm going to do now."

"What--"

Next thing you knew, he pulled you down, pushing himself up to kiss you. Too stunned to react, you stood there, eyes wide open, while you felt his tongue press through your lips, the unpleasant taste of blood spreading in your mouth. And then, as if to fit you to him, he bit down, lavishing in your soft lips being mauled with a blush on his cheeks. The pain made you jolt awake, and you tore away from him, clasping your hand over your mouth. At least, that was your attention. The reality was his fingers tangled in your hair, not allowing you one inch away from him.

"You bastard--" you hissed, only to get interrupted by his eyes turning lifeless again and his voice a calm, collected whisper, only meant for your ears.

"Do you want to get out?"

"What?"

"Do you. Want to. Escape."

Hesitating, you stared into these dead blue eyes of his, wondering what might be going on in this crazy brain. "What if I do?"

He grinned.

"I know a way, and you can help me with my plan. I know you have experience in becoming someone completely different when needed. Together we'd be unstoppable. The brain and the brawn."

"Why should I trust you?" There was honestly nothing that would have made Childe trustworthy, even after you sympathized with him on occasion. He said he had a plan, but without hearing it, you had no idea if it was even worth your time. Much less if he wasn't a damn snitch trying to butter you up so the court could turn your sentence into a much harsher one.

"You know I have family. I am desperate to get out and leave this craphole behind. I've been here far longer and did much worse things than you could ever imagine. No one will touch you when they think you belong to me, and we can make it out without interruptions. Look, I am so desperate, I'll even team up with a nobody like you. Isn't that proof enough?"

He didn't have to word it like that, making an unnecessary dig at you, even though he had a point. And even with his eyes dead like a fish on a dinner plate, his voice sounded nothing like a deceiving lure just to betray you later.

"Let's try it then. What's the plan?"

Oh, he liked the sound of that, his grin spreading further. "Kiss me," Childe instructed, and you felt your facial expression derailing into disbelief.

"No!" you complained, keeping your voice low even though he rolled his eyes as if you were the dramatic one.

"You want them to believe you're with me? Better give them a show they can't deny."

"No one can see us here!"

"They want you to think that. Didn't you see the cameras?"

You knew you couldn't look away from Childe's eyes, or else the plan would be over before it began. "And why are we pretending in front of the guards?" you grumbled, still not very on board with his secret "masterplan."

"I can only keep you safe because they are all afraid of me. Besides, guards have rats. Rats spread rumors like the pest. Historically proven." With another sly grin, you felt like he was mocking you by now.

"I hate it when you're smug like that."

“Ah-ah, remember? No hating me.”

"Just your smugness."

"Well then, kissing me shouldn't be so hard."

"Fuck you," you hissed, leaning forward to sink your lips into his.

"Feel free when you feel like it," he mumbled into the kiss before returning it even more passionately. He pulled you further and further on top of him until you had to sit on the bed by his side. Only then did he finally stop restraining you, hands wandering down your body until they gripped your hips.

You wouldn't lose, you promised yourself. Whether this was a necessary point to make to anyone or not, you accepted his challenge, allowing him to help you further up on the bed and climbing on top of him, straddling his thighs, and digging your fingers into his side. Childe hissed in pain, opening his eyes to glare at you. Now it was your turn to grin. Instead of retaliating, however, he urged you to bare your neck to him, deciding to sink his teeth into the skin there instead of your lips.

A moan escaped you as he suckled the spot, leaving his mark on you, and you couldn't help but grind your hips into his, causing the same reaction from him. You two were like fire and water, incompatible. But you were making it work, one way or another.

"Will you two stop! What are you? Horny teenagers?!"

A familiar voice finally snapped you both out of your showcase of competitive affection, and you clambered off his lap quickly as the nurse stormed back into the room. Feeling very ashamed, you were at least sure this was enough showcasing to proceed with his plan. "If you feel good enough to fuck, get out of my infirmary!" she scolded Childe, and he raised his hands into the air, slowly getting up while trying not to agitate his wounds. Holding his hand out to you, you hesitated at first before taking it, his fingers immediately entangling with yours as he hummed, satisfied with your reaction.

"Thanks for patching me up!" he chimed as he hurriedly led you out of the infirmary, and you bowed your head briefly to the nurse before disappearing through the door. However, no one awaited you outside. It was only you and Childe who wasted no time pulling you around a corner.

"I think we're good, no need to continue," you mumbled, pushing him away as he caged you between his arms.

"What? You think I'll stop after that show inside?" he scoffed, and you felt your mood tipping over from barely accepting his menace into disgust.

"Well, we're partners. Don't you think you should give me at least a tiny bit of respect?"

"Oh, I will when the time comes."

That wasn't the answer you expected. Humming in approval, you nodded, believing what he said a little too quickly. His grin couldn't mean anything good. You had learned that by now.

"You defended me and joined my escape plan, but I need one more thing from you."

"What is it?" Slowly, he was getting on your nerves.

"You still need to reward me for my 'help' in your cell."

"You mean for beating someone up who tried to punch me? Thanks... again."

"That will not nearly be enough."

For a moment, silence raked through the sparse space between your bodies. You were almost too scared to ask, knowing how unpredictable he was. "So what--"

"You can start on your knees."

"You are not serious."

Fingers wrapping around your throat, your air supply was immediately cut off as he gripped tightly. His lips hushed over yours teasingly as you gurgled for dear life, raking your nails over his arm. But Childe didn't care much for your antics, not even when you could feel the pressure starting to affect your senses. He only ever tightened his hold, never releasing it.

"Don't forget who's doing you a favor," he whispered, kissing your lips with gentleness unbefitting of his whispered threats before letting out a longing sigh as he relished in your taste. You felt his thumb grace down your neck, over the spot where he bit you before his nail dug into the flesh right there, pressing until it drew blood. "You've been sweet so far, but you don't want to find out what happens when I lose interest. Got it?"

There was no room for you to nod, but you hoped he could read it in your expression. "Good," he sighed after torturing you for a few silent seconds more before releasing you. You hadn't even noticed that he had lifted you from the ground; only now that you were falling to your knees, coughing and spitting up drool, did you realized how badly you had underestimated his madness. What kind of deal you had made with the devil right in front of you.

His body still caging you in, he leaned over you, pressing your face into his crotch. You felt a sickening throb behind the fabric as he gripped your head from behind, raking his fingers through your hair before pushing you against him. "Be nice, will ya?" Childe asked, and you wanted to scoff, but your body only shuddered, too afraid to offend him now. "I took care of your problems and even allowed you to join my plan. I deserve this, [Name]."

"Please..." you croaked, and Childe hummed in surprise. Sheepishly, you looked up at him, searching for his gaze through your lashes. "Not here... please."

Breathing out a moan, Childe's hold on you grew soft, his hand patting your head instead. Next thing you knew, he leaned down, hoisting you into his arms until you could wrap your legs around him. You definitely felt him flinch, but even if he was hurt, he didn't seem to care.

"Anything for you if you ask nicely, Babe. Let's go to my cell instead."

"Wait! What about your cellmate?"

"I can poke out his eyes and ear drums before taking you on his bed while he bleeds out next to you if you'd prefer that. Didn't take you for such an adventurous little thing."

You knew he was joking. Right? Maybe not...

"I don't have a cellmate," he clarified after watching you gulp, trying to hold down the horror that had built inside you from escaping you.

"Killed that guy, huh?" you chuckled wryly, slowly getting behind this guy's psyche.

"You're finally getting it," Childe hummed, grinning. "I can't wait to let the whole prison hear you scream my name, Sunshine."

"Why does it feel like this is no longer for show?" you whispered, your gaze drifting longingly down the hall to the infirmary, a place that had seemed so cozy and safe while it felt like Childe was dragging you down into the cold darkness that was your reality.

"You tell me, you are the brains of us two."

It never was.

Even when you didn't say it out loud, Childe grinned, reading your mind once again. "Right on the money, Baby."

"Are we still escaping?"

"Why, of course! I want you to meet my family. But I'll have you proof to me that I made the right decision first."

"A decision about what?"

"Not killing you when you ran into me."

You gulped again as you realized all of this could have gone a very different, very drastic way instead, if not for Childe somehow deciding he wanted to take revenge for you. "So why didn't you?" you hissed, suddenly overcome with anxious anger at this situation. What else did you have to lose? He was already kidnapping you and forcing you into a plan only he knew of, and you were almost sure that he'd force you into a lot more messes than just this one.

Stopping in his tracks, Childe let you down, cornering you against the wall in your back. You felt cell bars press into your shoulders, not having noticed you two had already gotten back to the cells. A short glance around confirmed your whereabouts until Childe gripped your chin, focusing your attention back on him.

"I liked the way you looked while bleeding. Then I liked the bite you had when talking to me when no one else dares to speak like that to me anymore in this prison. Then you defended me."

"Wow, so I did everything wrong, eh?"

"Wrong? Oh, no, Darling. More like, you did everything right."

Leaning forward, Childe kissed you again, moaning against your mouth as he felt your teeth graze his lips, relishing in the feeling of your unwillingness to indulge him. Pressing his body to yours, you felt his cock straining tightly against his overall, pulsing with need and only getting hotter as he ground it against your thigh.

"Because I'll get the reward I'm owed first, and when I'm done with you, you'll thank me for all I do for you with the rest of your life."

[princesssarisa]

I have a few questions for Jane Austen fans about one important scene in Pride and Prejudice.

I still remember the post that circulated some time ago about the fact that when Darcy makes his first proposal, he finds Elizabeth alone because she's stayed behind with a headache while the others have gone to Rosings for tea. A stress headache caused by her overwhelming rage at the reveal that it was Darcy who persuaded Bingley not to marry Jane. Which gives her even more reason for responding to his insulting proposal by verbally ripping him to shreds.

I was surprised by how many people responded to that post by saying that they always thought Elizabeth just pretended to have a headache to avoid seeing Darcy at Rosings.

The text doesn't seem ambiguous to me: the omniscient narrator states that Elizabeth had a headache caused by her stress, which combined with her reluctance to see Darcy to make her stay behind:

The agitation and tears which the subject occasioned brought on a headache; and it grew so much worse towards the evening that, added to her unwillingness to see Mr. Darcy, it determined her not to attend her cousins to Rosings, where they were engaged to drink tea

But some people would argue that Austen is just being playful. She often makes sarcastic statements that blatantly aren't true, so maybe the above is just her playful way of stating that Elizabeth faked a headache to avoid seeing Darcy. It doesn't come across that way to me, but then I'm on the autism spectrum and don't always understand subtext either in real life or in fiction.

I already wrote a post asking people how they interpret this passage, but I thought I'd ask it again. Real headache or fake headache?

Then, of course, Darcy arrives. I've been wondering: how do other readers interpret his choice to visit and propose to Elizabeth then and there? Here's the text:

In a hurried manner he immediately began an inquiry after her health, imputing his visit to a wish of hearing that she were better. She answered him with cold civility. He sat down for a few moments, and then getting up walked about the room. Elizabeth was surprised, but said not a word. After a silence of several minutes, he came towards her in an agitated manner, and thus began:—

“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

In the small amount of commentary I've read so far, I've come across three interpretations of Darcy's actions at this point.

(a) The most generous: He visits out of genuine concern for Elizabeth, and upon seeing that she's feeling better, he decides that now is as good a time as any to propose.

(b) Slightly less generous: When he hears that she's alone with a headache, he decides to seize the opportunity to go and propose, using "inquiry after her health" as an excuse.

(c) The least generous: When he hears that she's alone with a headache, since he thinks she knows his interest in her and has been encouraging him, he assumes she must be faking the headache to give him the chance to find her alone and propose.

Unless I'm forgetting some line or other, the last suggestion seems a little bit far-fetched to me – not that he thinks she's been encouraging him, that of course is true, but that he should think she's faking the headache just to make him visit her.

But I could believe either the first or the second interpretation. Does anyone else have any views on the subject?

@anghraine, @bethanydelleman

[lowkeyrobin]

Hello I was wondering if you’d be able to write a Ranboo x Gender neutral reader, and they both just got into a heated argument that left them both crying (only if you’re comfortable with writing something like this, I’d not I completely understand, also thank you for your concern, I really appreciate it) :)

honestly struggled to find smthn to make an argument out of but I think I got something! oneshots are a little difficult for me bc I get burned out and I think the actions but can't find the right words LMAOOOO ; but this is totally find to request dw!! and of course, if you ever need to talk my messages are always open 🫶🫶🫶 ; also istg I have other ranboo headers they're just in my drafts bc I've only been working on reqs lately LMFAO

RANBOO ; burnout

summary ; youre both burned out and stressed, and take it out on each other

warnings ; language, fighting, reader is described/talked about as a writer, angry mischaracterization (it makes sense in context trust me)

word count ; 1.4k

masterlist

Both you and Ranboo had been working your asses off recently.

They had themselves so tied down to content creation that it was becoming a personal prison cell. It was like everything he did was only to appease his fans, and he didn't know how to just calm down and slow things down for his well being. From the constant, long streams to the talks with merch and production teams, it never ended. Plus, the infinite cycle of scrolling online to see all the hate they received, it was becoming too much.

You, on the other hand, constantly kept working and working through the lack of motivation and burnout with no breaks. No matter how much people reassured you that you could take a break and you didn't have to stick to a schedule, it didn't do anything. You were determined to fill out each and every request even if you barely had any idea what you were doing, you'd stay up late trying to block out what to write and how to put it into words to appease your followers. Three times a day, seven days a week, every day of the month, about 2000 posts a year, if you kept that up.

You were dedicated to writing, you loved it, and you loved that you were able to turn something you loved into a job considering "real" jobs didn't work out for you. You had streaming, but you only did that if you were writing or needed ideas or help every once in a while and wanted to share any progress and whatnot. Your eyes tended to be bloodshot on the regular, being pulled down by saggy, dark eyebags.

You trudge into the kitchen, taking a cold bowl of mac and cheese and some water back to your office with you. Ranboo glares at you from the couch, holding his phone to his ear as he talks to some big guy with money, most likely. He doesn't say anything, but you notice the look on his face, his eyes glaring daggers into you as you walk away.

You sit back down at your chair, not even touching your food. You stare at the screen, your eyes slightly protected by the dark mode you'd reinforced on the website. Your mind was blank, empty, vacant, muddled. There were no thoughts behind your glazed eyes.

Your head pounded in pain, caused by all the blue light absorption you'd been taking in recently. God, Ran hated that. How you'd fucking complain of a headache and only do everything to worsen it. It pissed him off. It made him want to yell at you to just shut up about it, considering you didn't want to do anything to help yourself.

You type away at the keyboard once more, every button press causing a little click or clack to immerse from it. The keys light up a particular shade of white, a smooth wave like pattern glazing across it once more. You stop again, unable to finish the sentence once more.

You groan and lean back in your seat, feeling the utter disgust around you. You oh so desperately needed to sit in the shower and cry, considering your stress and pain, but you couldn't. You needed to make these people happy, you owed them. You owed them for giving you a stable job and a roof over your head, the least you could do was have their requests out within a few days.

You sit and ponder about your partner. You were sure there was no love left anymore. Both of you were too financially dependent on one another to up and leave, so it had to work for now.

Ranboo, now not on the phone, nearly slams the door of your office open, smelling the ice cold pasta you hadn't even touched a few feet away. He's quick to raise his voice with a stern tone, pissed off at you once again.

"Dude, I told you dinner was ready an hour ago, what the fuck? And then you just bring it in here and don't even touch it just to stare at the damn screen some more? Are you fucking kidding?"

You roll your eyes, not wanting to deal with this again. "Fuck's it matter? This is my job, Ranboo"

"Your job isn't to please everyone who acts nice to you. Your job is to write quality content and not complain about burning yourself out or headaches that you could easily solve by touching grass! Go outside, this isn't even a job. You don't do anything other than write some stupid fantasy all day and feed into people's delusions, Y/n!" He quickly rants, scoffing at the end.

"Holy shit, you're one to talk! Meh meh, meh, I'm so miserable, and I do all these long streams for my fans, and I treat my partner like shit because I never spend time with them and enable their unhealthy behaviors! I take out my anger on them because I'm a lonely asshole." You quickly spit back, standing up from your chair.

They scoff, stepping towards you a bit, "You're so pathetic, I never want to hear you come to me with your problems again. You're dependent on me. You barely get any money off of that, let alone any to pay rent or buy your own groceries. Get into the real world where talking to fancy businessmen and actually working for your money is all you do! Walk in my shoes for one day!"

You roll your eyes again and scoff, "You don't think this is an actual job? I could say the same to you! You play video games all fucking day and beg for Twitch subs! Just because you have a fancy merch line and have some stupid show you're working on doesn't make you all high and mighty and more important than anyone else!"

"It does, actually, you have no room to complain! If you need a break, you can go take it. My schedule is busy every hour of the day, I have no time to do shit! You're an overbearing, selfish asshole!"

Now that got the waterworks going, that's what got you beyond the point of just petty arguing to genuinely fighting. You have no room to complain, yet you spend all day just trying to make people happy and not hate you, to just pump content out and pretend like you're okay. You bottle up your emotions so he won't have to worry about you, yet you're overbearing and selfish.

"You are such a fucking asshole! Everything needs to be about you, doesn't it? Every single fucking thing in the world, huh? Fine, screw you" You turn to grab the bowl of food, and quickly, out of sheer anger, throw it at him, shattering the ceramic bowl. "I hope I never see you again, go fuck yourself. You don't deserve shit of what you have, your platform, your friends, your money, anything. I hope your whole online empire comes crumbling down and you're left with nothing"

You snatch up your phone, wallet, and keys, quickly stomping past him as tears drip down your cheeks. He stands there, appalled as tears well in his glassy eyes. He tries to chase you outside once he realizes you're serious, but you'd already slammed the door so hard it might as well have fallen off the hinges. He wipes his eyes, cheeks a light red due to the sheer amount of anger he felt in the moment. He was soaked in cold mac and cheese, ruining his white hoodie.

Once the adrenaline wasn't coursing through his veins anymore, he sits himself on the kitchen floor, the cold tile against his hands being used as a grounding technique. Some ceramic dust lays on his shoes, some liquid cheese being smeared against his hoodie as he tries to use a towel to wipe the access off.

Fuck, what did he just do?

He sits in silence, rethinking the situation as tears slowly stream down his face.

He could only hope that you were safe on that bus to nowhere. That bus you used to just go anywhere but home, just to escape the horrible life you lived inside that house. The house that bound you to its walls so you couldn't escape.

You couldn't escape the pain of your popular online presence or the pain of being trapped in that house any longer. Finally, it broke, the enchantment that kept you sealed inside.

Someone had to leave, and it looked like it was going to be you this time around.

[atrophiedemotion]

hey Cast! uh so this ask is about. alien stage. but imma send you another about some random shit because why not. anyways

the tags that you had on that previous post with me and plip (the one about ivan and till and how they show honesty differently and how we know about their characters a different amount because of how forthcoming or not they are) and my question for you is, how many of Ivan's actions do you think are representative of his true emotions? I don't think his body language, in general, is very forthcoming but I do agree that his actions can be pretty revealing (he strikes me as an acts of service person especially with trying to escape with Till) but uh yeah I'm wondering if there are any specific examples that you think of as being revealing of his actual thoughts or specific examples of him pretending to be someone else?

thanks for listening to me yap uh I hope you're doing well and that you have an awesome day!

rock... oh boy... this is gonna be a long one. wonderful question. thank you for the ask, i hope you have a great day as well!!

so, i didn't fully explain in the tags because i didn't want to write a full length essay on plip's post (ty plip for dealing w the rambling)(i was also very tired so i wasn't fully articulate lmao) but i meant that ivan shows his emotions through the outcomes/projected outcomes of his actions. he certainly isn't very forthcoming in the way he acts and portrays himself, but there is undeniable truth in the intent and meaning behind everything he does, even things that seem counterproductive.

i think that since ivan genuinely cannot fully be upfront and honest (due to trauma, his lack of self worth, and his decided survival strategy) his main truths show in the deeper meaning of the things he does for other people and himself. with ivan, it is all about intent. i've said before that the only way to understand ivan is to dig deeper and this is very much true here. he uses a lot of subterfuge to throw people off from his actual intentions, but they're there.

ivan often uses unconventional, roundabout ways to achieve his goals/get what he wants- especially when they mean something to him. he is a guy who is caked in layers upon layers of meaning only if you pull back the acres of curtains he's covered them with. he doesn't want people to know what goes on in his head, so he covers it up valiantly. this is due to his low self esteem of course, but also full on survival. in order for his plans to work, no one can be in on it. no one can know what he's thinking. all of his true feelings and thoughts need to be hidden in order to achieve success, but in the end it's fucking hard to not leave a trace of your true feelings.

with all that being said, examples!

the biggest and most obvious examples are mainly related to till (of course they are) and i also feel like they're the most telling. ivan's teachers specifically pointed out that he was only childish around till (they were relieved by it, too, because he was so damn serious the rest of the time and didn't behave like a child should). ivan has the hardest time hiding his true emotions around till, which makes sense, because till makes him feel the most emotion when his are always dulled. that doesn't stop him from going the 'i must hide my crush by pulling his pigtails' route but, y'know.

since most of these are talked about frequently and i dont want to keep beating a dead horse in an already long post, here's a (hopefully) brief list:

-the biggest one, the meteor shower. going through all of that to escape with till, specifically during a meteor shower that it seemed ivan was desperate to show till (to introduce his shooting stars to each other or smth im sure). ivan offered till freedom and denied himself of it when till turned around and he followed him back without question.

-his good behavior can arguably be considered to be due, in part, to the perks an obedient pet gets. this isn't just a till thing but ivan's obedience is very telling of his need and drive for survival, which considering his uhh,, track record is likely largely so he can protect till. gaining perks and learning insider information, like how to take collars off and gain access to isolation cells, assist him in assisting and caring for till.

-the sometimes silent companionship they share. the way ivan will poke at him to get his outright attention but is still at times satisfied with just existing in till's space and enjoying his presence says a lot about his genuine adoration and admiration of till

-his sacrifice. i don't think i need to say much about this as it's pretty self explanatory lmao but it is a Great example of what im trying to convey. ivan does honest things and has to cover them up at the same time. the 'violence' was to end the round of course, but it was also kind of like a familiar bandaid over the painfully honest feelings he conveyed with the kiss. even if he didn't really hurt him he couldn't just be honest

there are definitely more (most everything he does in regards to till tbh) but i wanted to talk about some others too

the comic conversation with sua about her sacrifice! such a big one. ivan's feelings about sua are very complicated, but to me i feel like he cares about her to an extent, almost pitying in a way. he's horribly jealous of her and the love she has, but he sees so much of himself in her that what he says in that conversation is probably at least half projection, even if he's not aware of it.

the way he looks at her without trying to hide his distaste feels like the way he would look down on himself. the whole thing shows not only his disgust with himself, but his anger towards someone who is so similar to him that she makes the same plans in her head even though she has something he believes he'll never have. it's envy, tried and true, and he doesn't even hide it at the time. he hides the self loathing behind it, but still. that might be the most honest we've seen ivan aside from the end of r6.

that conversation also does kind of show the fact that he cares for sua and mizi. sua in a way he acknowledges less to himself, but certainly mizi.

and speaking of mizi, my last example for right now is the way he watched round 5 like he was barely holding it together and sort of did his own recreation of it in round 6. the strangling was reminiscent of the way mizi lunged at luka and he almost certainly got the idea for his method of sacrifice from what she did. it kind of feels like an ode to her, in a way. an ode to mizi while offering himself up for till, which. is very sad but almost a little sweet, that he had a piece of mizi in what he was doing for till.

okay okay im sure i could keep talking about this but ive been writing for. a long time LMAO so i will stop here but! yeah. ivan shows his emotions inadvertently through his actions and about fifty levels of subterfuge. but it's all we get, so...

thank you for the ask again my dude, i really enjoyed answering it!

[temperamentalaquarius]

any thoughts on batman: black mirror? i really enjoyed it (as a non-batfamily fan) but i'm wondering if there is a difference of opinion with people who are actually acquainted with the context behind black mirror, i guess. which parts did you find the strongest + which parts did you find the weakest?

anyways, im a huge fan of your comics-posting (which is both, in the best way, entertaining and insightful). have a great day!

Ahhh thank u!! I'm glad I'm not the only one having fun 😁!!!

Thank you so much for sending this, I loved the dick!bats era and I liked The Black Mirror!!

I thought it was a decent Dick story, and I loved that it had Babs and Tim as the supporting cast. It was good to see them back(mostly) in their 90s early 2000s element.

I thought that the A plot was better than the serial killer B plot-; it had a lot of personal connection for Dick without being about the Graysons and orcas(which are some of the most vicious and borderline cruel predators that terrify me to my core and it was really cool to see them get some use)- even if I didn't find the ending super satisfying.

I thought James was interesting, and his story was more linear but the addition of the Joker into the situation was kind of just...messy and not entirely necessary? It kind of killed it for me. Idk I might just have Joker fatigue. I did like the coloring and a good portion of the art better in that part of the story, tho. I thought the mood they set was really cool and a little scary.

My high points were all (unsurprisingly) character based:

I loved the way Tim saving Dick from his own shit here

Kinda paralleled this scene in NW 96

But more mature. Watching them go from Dick mentoring Tim to them having a much more balanced relationship where Tim can fully have Dick's back has always been super satisfying and seeing it making a come back after their little fallout was cool

I also like the attention paid to the differences in Bruce and Dick's philosophy (specifically here:

) and the difficulty that Batman presents Dick because of it. Part of the appeal of Dick being Batman is the reluctance and the chunk of flesh it takes out of him and I think this story really got the tone of that right. He's making mistakes that he wouldn't normally, he's not sleeping; you can really tell that everything is getting to him. He feels like the walls are closing in on him with no way out (sometimes literally) and it makes the whole story kind of..weary? It's as much man vs man as it is man vs self. Love that many of the action sequences in the book happen in enclosed places that have an unstoppable deadly force converging on him with no way out and how that emphasizes the theme

OH and my absolute favorite analogy for the mindset that dick operates w/ is in this book

And how that works with his parents rules for survival

There's like... a debate on whether Dick plans or if he acts on instinct and I like the way that this breaks it down to: yes, he's planning from the start and if it seems like he isn't it's because that's what he wants you to think- but he understands that leaving space to bob and weave is a part of that process. Ultimate planner that is liable to start behaving erratically as fuck at any moment is such a fun look

Favorite fight was probably the horror forward snap at the auction, with honorarable mentions going to Dick v.s the compactor, Dick v.s. the orca, and of course Dick v.s. The bends

Worst was by far this one:

There is no way he should've been able to waltz into Babs' hideout without her knowing I'm so sorry it's just not realistic, like, that's Barbara Gordon???

[bikananjarrus]

i am processing my feelings about the fallen star. some very spoilery thoughts under the cut!

first things first, the obvious: stellan. beautiful, beloved stellan 😭 

full disclosure, despite doing my best to avoid spoilers, i did see a spoiler that he died in this book. so i spent most of the rising storm and all of this book knowing that (though i was hard core in denial and it didn't really sink in until halfway through this book lol). so even though i knew it was coming, it was still so hard to read. 

him sensing that elzar was in trouble and going to back him up ("he would not leave his friend to suffer as Stellan himself had suffered, alone...'i intend to be with him'") and knowing that he would go down there and probably wouldn't make it off the station, and to boot, promising elzar "we'll be right behind you"..... i'm in pain. 

but stellan making a big heroic sacrifice is along the lines of how i thought he would die; it makes sense for him. and him finally coming to understand what the force means to him, how he fits into it, not just thinking how he's "supposed" to think as part of the Order, the book was building to that and it was really wonderful to see him feel strong and confident in himself and the force again. 

also the "the last thing he'd ever do, he'd done right." i'm so distraught. and going from him spending so much of the book afraid and weighed down to "Stellan felt no fear. The firmament of the night sky shone no less brightly when one small star went dark" weeping and wailing and breaking down about it tbh. 

(i also have SO much to say about stellan elzar and avar as a constellation, and all of that, so that will be a separate post probably. like i won't be shutting up about the firebrands any time soon, i can promise that)

"My polestar, Elzar thought, and my song. They're with me now, whether they know it or not" yeah i need like 5-10 business days or months to recover from this....

when the bottom half of starlight crashed into the sea and elzar sensed the last few people on board dying along with it, but not realizing that stellan was one of those people bc he thought stellan had gotten off the station. he thought stellan was SAFE. i'm so fucking upset, i will simply NEVER RECOVER

and compare that to elzar and avar's reunion and their hug and elzar knowing that she was alive, because she had to be.... and in his heart, of course stellan made it off starlight, because he had to, right? 

but then, THEN, Forfive finding them and saying that stellan gifted him back to elzar and then PULLED OUT STELLAN'S LIGHTSABER. that broke me. that broke me SO BAD. (something something "this weapon is your life" or whatever).

elzar using the dark side (or at the very least, letting dark side emotions fuel his actions for a brief moment) when he killed chancey, did NOT anticipate that. that was....oof. also putting it out there that while i know elzar blames himself for stellan's death (bc maybe if he hadn't killed chancey, stellan could've survived, etc.) but i don't blame elzar for stellan's death. something else could've gone wrong down there, even if chancey had lived! like was it wrong for elzar to pull his lightsaber first, ask questions later - yes. but he saw what he perceived as a threat (and the nihil have been a long-standing threat, that haven't proved themselves to be anything but) and took action. he had no idea what kind of consequences those actions would bring - he didn't know. it's not elzar's fault, and stellan knew (and likely sensed that his end was coming) what kind of danger he was putting himself in by going down there, and decided to go be by elzar's side anyway. 

one thing i also loved about the relationship between the firebrands this book (which also makes stellan's death more sad) is the unresolved tension. (now, some of what elzar and stellan were feeling could've been side effects from the creatures on the station, but it's not entirely bc of that i don't think). elzar, though he won't say it, is upset that stellan didn't go with him to ledalau to help him after using the dark side on valo. he trusts and relies on stellan and wants stellan's support, so of course it would be upsetting that his friend wasn't there with him in that time of need. and stellan and avar being at odds with each other over the marshal position at starlight. stellan feeling prideful about taking the position away from avar, and avar being mad at losing her position. her thinking about how after only a month under stellan's control, starlight beacon was lost. the two of them being blinded by their own jealousies and pride. stellan recognizing (when it's essentially too late already) that the weight of their responsibilities, the tension and exhaustion from dealing with the nihil for so long, pitted them against each other. and they'll never get to apologize to each other for that, never get to make up for that time spent being angry with one another.

now onto my non-stellan and firebrands thoughts:

i would very kindly like to ask the authors to participate in the Leave Bell Zettifar Alone 2k24 Challenge. he's been through SO MUCH already, STOP hurting his feelings!!!!! i mean, it sounds like indeera will pull through, thank goodness. and there was a lot of emphasis on burryaga's body not being found and bell going to look for him, so i have a feeling burry might still be alive. but bell.....beautiful bell, please leave him alone. 

i am so happy with his development in this book though! i love a story about grief, so seeing bell still grieving loden (even though jedi are supposed to try and move past their grief) and working through that means a lot to me. when he saw burry grieving for nib, and was able to see his grief reflected outside himself in his friend, he was then able to take the next steps towards processing his own grief. and he was able to help burry, and also start believing in himself again, and that was just so special. i can't wait to see what bell does next (next to the firebrands he is absolutely my fave character)

claudia gray did an excellent job with the atmosphere of fear in this book. i was genuinely anxious half this book, worrying about what would happen next. and like, i knew stellan was going to die. but then for regald, nib, AND orla to die as well???? (possibly burry, but i think he might still be alive). i think part of what worked so well is that we didn't see the fear-creatures AT ALL. we only saw how the jedi reacted to them, and leaving it up to the readers' imagination, and only knowing that the jedi are afraid and that the force feels wrong, it was so so effective. 

also shout-out to star wars authors for making me care about random side characters in the span of like a paragraph, and then killing them. that scene with the temple on chespea that got completely destroyed by the nihil, and the jedi master told her padawan to call coruscant, "and tell them we're under attack?" "Tell them we are gone." like WTF???????? made me tear up ngl. even just the description of the top half of starlight crashing and burning was so intense, and those kind of hopeless moments, all the authors have done a really incredible job with so far. you can feel the devastation. 

overall, even though this book hurt me deeply, i really loved it! i have so many more thoughts on the firebrands that will come later. (tbh, i haven't even processed my feelings about the elzar and avar content we got, bc i can ONLY think about stellan and his and elzar's relationship rn. but trust that i will have plenty to say about elzar and avar later on too).  

(p.s. i'm always open for asks/messages if anyone wants to talk about these books <3)

[wanderersrest]

Some (Not So) Idle Thoughts On Mobile Fighter G Gundam

Before you begin reading: Do note that I have two companion pieces that I'll be referencing throughout this post, namely a small aside on the "Real vs Super Robot" debacle and a prequel highlighting what's going on in the world when G Gundam begins airing.

Good evening, everyone. I'd like to tell you a story. A story about a man set on a mission of revenge. tale. This is a tale about martial artists of all nations fighting it out on the grandest of arenas: the Earth. This is a tale about how a pair of young adults learn how to love not just themselves, but each other. Most important of all, this is a tale about a man who learns what it means to overcome even the most traumatic moments of his past in order to become a better man.

This is Mobile Fighter G Gundam. More specifically, these are my random thoughts about this series. And full disclosure: I grew up with G Gundam being my first entry into the Gundam franchise, as I was just a little bit too young to really watch Gundam Wing when it aired on Toonami.

G Gundam Is Just As Political As Every Other Gundam Series

Contrary to what a lot of people think, G Gundam is just as political as any other Gundam series. To give a quick summary, G Gundam is set in a time when the majority of humanity has fled to the space colonies above due to the how polluted the Earth has become due to war. In order to change this, the nations come up with an alternative to war: the Gundam Fight. There are just two problems with this:

Most of the people who fled to space were rich. And in case you're wondering, the first episode clears something up immediately: the poor were left behind on Earth.

The Gundam Fight uses the Earth as the battlefield. Which is fine if you're rich. But if you're poor...

This doesn't even touch on the motivations of THE UNDEFEATED OF THE EAST, MASTER ASIA, whose goal to seize control of the Devil Gundam stems from seeing how much damage was caused from the Gundam fight, which is pretty understandable as far as I'm concerned. This also doesn't touch on the fact the Shuffle Alliance and allies consist of people from all nations (specifically Japan, America, China, France, Russia, Sweden, and Nepal, among other countries), to say nothing of the fact that the nations of the world eventually come together to fight the Devil Gundam.

What a Lovable Cast of Goofballs

Nothing really pulls me into a show quite like a good cast of characters. And boy does G Gundam have quite the cast. Taking a page out of older mecha shows like Mazinger Z, G Gundam presents us with our protagonist: the hot-blooded samurai Domon Kasshu. Joining him on his mission to find the Devil Gundam are his mechanic/doctor/love interest Rain Mikamura and a handful of fellow fighters and support crews that make up the Shuffle Alliance.

I think part of what makes this cast so entertaining to watch is the fact that this series pulls a lot from Hong Kong action films and wuxia epics. It's why there are all of these crazy fighting techniques and action sequences that wouldn't look to out of place in something like a Jet Li or Donnie Yen film. Heck, THE UNDEFEATED OF THE EAST, MASTER ASIA is named after the popular wuxia character Dongfang Bubai (Literally the Invincible East in Chinese; this is why Master Asia's title in Japanese is Touhou Fuhai, as Touhou Fuhai is the direct translation of Dongfang Bubai into Japanese).

Another part of the cast's appeal lies in the fact that, despite this series having some out there Mobile Suit designs, the characters themselves are not actually stereotypical (or if they are, they tend to be portrayed in a more positive light). Take, for instance (and probably the most talked about example of this), Neo America's Chibodee Crocket and the Gundam Maxter. Gundam Maxter is notorious for being one of the more out there Mobile Suit designs in the series: A Gundam that is made to look like a football player, carries a pair of six shooters for ranged weapons, a shield that is used more as a surf board, and has shoulders that can also double as boxing gloves (the chest piece also flies off to give Maxter more of a boxer look). Chibodee, meanwhile, looks to be like a stereotypical American at first. He's loud, flashy, reckless, and just as much a hothead as the King of Hearts himself. Chibodee is also a street rat who, through his keen talent for boxing, was able to achieve the American Dream. Not only that, Chibodee also has a strong moral compass, which is also how he comes to meet his field crew.

I think I'd also be remiss not to talk about the King of Hearts, Domon Kasshu. Yes, it's an absolute blast to watch the man beat up anyone and everyone who gets in his way. But I think it's also touching when, after running into THE UNDEFEATED OF THE EAST, MASTER ASIA for the first time in the series, he breaks down crying due to the fact that, outside of Rain, Domon doesn't really have anyone else to go to when it comes to expressing his trauma. That's why MASTER ASIA'S betrayl towards the end of the Shinjuku arc hits as hard as it does: one of the very few people you could trust turns out to be a villain. Of course, things get more complicate once you find out what MASTER ASIA'S true goals are. It is so satisfying getting to see Domon grow so much in the first half of the series, and the payoff is that the second half really lets us enjoy some of the goofier aspects of Domon's character.

Really, I could go on about just about all of the characters. Like how Sai Saici is probably one of the best characters after Domon and THE UNDEFEATED OF THE EAST, MASTER ASIA, how the series gives us a pretty reasonable version of the love triangle by introducing probably one of the best characters in the series: Allenby Beardsley or the fact that Rain is already a great love interest (and just a great character in general) that knows how to put up with Domon's nonsense, especially once they get to Neo Hong Kong. Heck, I didn't even get to talk about the best Char Clone, Schwarz Bruder, who will show up at random, laugh at Domon, teach him a lesson, refuse to elaborate, and leave. I also feel like I'm doing a disserevice to THE UNDEFEATED OF THE EAST, MASTER ASIA by not talking enough about him. Like the fact that he doesn't ride his horse Fuunsaiki like a normal human being. No. Master Asia STANDS on top of Fuunsaiki. And you know that Fuunsaiki is built different because he gets his own Mobile Fighter, complete with his own suit up sequence. I would talk about them more, but we'd be here forever. So we have to move on, both for my sake and for yours.

What Everyone's Been Waiting For: The Hot-Blooded Action

I don't think I really need to explain this one. G Gundam just has some really good action sequences, even if it relies on a lot of stock footage. I'd honestly be more impressed if this series had better animation, especially considering that G Gundam is a 49-episode series. And really, that's what people love about G Gundam, regardless of whether they think it's just dumb fun or if it's some bespoke series. It knows that it's very different from most Gundam series, so it leans into that. A lot. Part of what makes this series such a treat to watch is seeing it carve out its own name in spite, or maybe because, it is a Gundam series.

The other part is that, by revisiting the older style of mecha stories, you do get some really cool setpieces. And man, when G Gundam is at its best, it's at its best. There really isn't much else to say here. G Gundam just knows that people like cool action sequences.

G Gundam Gets Referenced More Than Its Brethren

I would like to start this off by saying that I only found out that Amphibia references G Gundam while I was writing this post.

Anyways, that gif is important here, because in my opinion it kind of highlights G Gundam's legacy. Because in my mind, it shows that G Gundam has resonated with a nonzero amount of people. I know this because my last two posts currently have the most amount of notes, and they're both about G Gundam in some fashion.

But more to my point, it often catches me off guard just how often this series in particular gets referenced. This is especially striking when you remember that a lot of western fans talk about how important G Gundam's successor, New Mobile Report Gundam Wing, is. And while I would agree with that notion, I do think that Wing's importance outside of being how introduced a lot of western fans to the franchise is minimal at best (full disclosure: I am not a big fan of Gundam Wing especially due to how idiots like Professor Otaku talk up that series while trashing G Gundam, so I'm probably understating just how important it was), which is funny, because G Gundam gets referenced a fair bit in comparison (at least I think it does; I'm not about to verify this because I'm not that insane... yet). Here is a sample of some of the G Gundam references that I know of:

Regular Show's Brilliant Century Duck Crisis Special references a lot of mecha shows including G Gundam. The G Gundam reference here is when Benson suits up, which is ripped straight from Domon's Shining Gundam suit up sequence, complete with the ass shot.

There's a trainer in Pokemon Red & Blue that, when they spot the player, shouts "Pokemon fight! Ready, GO!"

Speaking of Pokemon, the Sun & Moon anime has an entire episode dedicated to G Gundam (which isn't surprising, since one of the banned in the US episodes has a reference to the original Gundam), complete with both Meowth creating a Devil Gundam-like machine, all while Brock and Olivia defeat said machine using a Z-move reminiscent of the Sekiha Love-Love Tenkyouken.

Nanbaka has a scene where one of the main characters defeats an opponent using the Erupting G*d Finger S*kiha T*nky**ken.

Gintama's Bentendo Owee arc has a store manager who's basically a dead ringer of Stalker. He even does the "Gundam Fight! Ready, GO!" pose at one point.

This doesn't even touch on the fact that this show is pretty quotable. Things like the Shining Finger/Erupting God Finger quote, the UNDEFEATED OF THE EAST motto, "...with the help of KYOOOOOJI!", MASTER ASIA'S quote about becoming more than just the UNDEFEATED OF THE EAST, and my personal favorite: "Except this time, I am a WANDER BUG!!!" are often quoted on the Internet whenever people talk about G Gundam. Heck this doesn't even touch on my personal memories of seeing (and even participating in) Reddit comment threads that were just the UNDEFEATED OF THE EAST motto.

(See? Guy even has his own version of the hyper mode!)

This also ignores the greatest form of reference: the fact that other works may have been directly inspired by G Gundam. This is going to be a bit more tenuous I think, but in my opinion, you can see this series' influence in shows like The King of Braves, GaoGaiGar. I'm convinced that Guy Shishioh is what happens when you take Domon and turn him into a cyborg more or less (It helps that their voice actors, Nobuyuki Hiyama and Tomokazu Seki respectively, are considered to be two of the most hot-blooded performers of the 90's). Guy even has the friend to all children shtick that Domon has, which isn't surprising since GGG is supposed to be for children primarily. You can even see G Gundam's legacy in shows like Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, where the antagonist Lordegenome is often joked as being a disciple of THE SCHOOL OF THE UNDEFEATED OF THE EAST due to him bodying Simon with his bare hands (while Simon is still piloting Lagann). Heck, I won't say who it is due to spoilers, but there's also a Disgaea character who's based heavily off of Domon. Like the fact that I'm making this comparison alone is a spoiler, so I'm keeping it vague so as not to spoil everything.

Final Thoughts: A Maligned Series With a Lot of Heart

Mobile Fighter G Gundam is a series that is often looked down upon due to the fact that it is a traditional mecha series in a franchise that is all about being a military robot series. That line of thinking is a real disservice to G Gundam, as this series is one that has meaningful messages it wants to convey. Those messages being:

Humans have a responsibility to take care of the environment, even if and especially because we were the ones to cause harm to it.

There are no easy ways to solve complex problems, and taking shortcuts can lead to more problems.

It is okay to be angry, but do not let that anger consume you.

And because this is sports we're talking about: Cheaters never prosper.

This doesn't even touch on the fact that said messages are very much in line with what a lot of the franchise has to say. But because G Gundam trusts that its audience aren't a bunch of idiots, the series doesn't beat the viewer over the head with its morals (although MASTER ASIA does have a not-so-thinly veiled rant about how Japan is now in ruins even though it was once a financial juggernaut, almost as if the country had some sort of economic crisis happen around the time G Gundam aired *cough*), but it does understand that beating the viewer over the head with these morals is not going to help.

I think this is why I've seen people push back on the concepts of Super Robots and Real Robots, especially the latter. I hadn't touched on this in my original Real vs Super Robots post, but part of the problem with Real Robots in particular is the fact that it is basically just "Not Super Robots." If you look at the original Gundam, it still has a lot of the usual tropes that were in shows like Mazinger Z or Getter Robo. The RX-78-2 Gundam is a one-of-a-kind machine that is made out of a super alloy (Lunar Titanium) that makes it all but indestructible, carries one-of-a-kind weapons (the beam rifle, the beam saber/javelin, and the hyper hammer), and is treated as an almost supernatural entity on the battlefield (hence the moniker "The White Devil"). Heck even the much harder Fang of the Sun Dougram has the smaller-but-still-big Dougram jumping over other mechs like it's about to go for a slam dunk in a basketball game. Do these facts diminish the types of stories that Gundam and Dougram are trying to tell? NO.

It is this dangerous line of thinking, the idea that all mecha shows must be either "Real" or "Super", that helps fuel people's idea that G Gundam is a bad series. The fact that people do not like this series because of how different it is from the rest of the franchise ignores the fact that, really, it's still a Gundam series. Just like how The Last Jedi is still a Star Wars movie, or how Xenoblade 2 is still a Xenoblade game. It is a wild notion that, in my opinion, shows that people who say things like that are doing so out of some twisted doctrine that says that Gundam can only be a serious war story. I am happy, though, that G Gundam is finally getting the reappraisal it so deserves. I have a general aversion to rose-tinted lenses when it comes to media, and it always makes me happy knowing that Mobile Fighter G Gundam is still just as good as, maybe even better than, I remember it being as a child.

Special Thanks & Notes

I'd like to thank all of the people who have been waiting patiently for this post as well as the people who made all of the gifs I used in this post. I didn't really think people would be interested in what I have to say about G Gundam until I posted the "Real vs Super" post, so it means a lot to me to see people react so positively to what I had to say in that post as well as the G Gundam context post.

As for what to expect next, I'm going to take a break from mecha stuff for a little bit. I'll still be writing posts, don't get me wrong. I just want to branch out a little bit from mecha, and I'm going to start out in small steps. I do have something of a primer on Gintama that I'm working on, so look forward to that. I'm also going to try post sillier things every now and then like my Getter Robo post (which unfortunately got buried under the original G Gundam post), so also look forward to that. Who knows, maybe I'll talk about Xenoblade at some point along with my love of Zeke von Genbu, THE BRINGER OF CHAOS. Or maybe Pokemon, and how Rowlet is objectively the best starter.

But once again, and most important of all, thanks for reading.

[spacerockfloater]

Hey friends and foes, the following post was submitted by beloved @florencegracia , whom I’d like to thank so much for taking the time to share their views with me and our mutuals! It’s always very nice to have such polite conversations with people from TB. I think the outcome of these discussions is beneficial to everyone involved! Your perspective is very much welcome and needed here! I would like to request from everyone who wants to add to this conversation to do so kindly, with an open mind! Toxicity and hate towards OP or me will not be tolerated.

So happy finding ur page bcs im TB and everyone around me is TB too. I need another perspective from TG 😃

I dont read the book but i read wiki of ice&fire and others so my apologies if i misunderstand some.

Thanks again for your submission, you are a peach! No worries at all, this blog mainly discusses the TV show rather than the book either way. And besides, F&B can be interpreted in many different ways, no one can be absolutely right or wrong in their opinion!

1. I agree that Alicent sacrifices a lot. And it is up to her that she is with Cole after Viserys dies bcs she is a free woman now. Even if there is adultery during the marriage, i dont really care. But i still think that she is a hypocrite bcs she approached Viserys behind Rhaenyra’s back and never told Rhaenyra but she expects Rhaenyra to always tell her the truth. Yes, she was used by Otto but still she is not truthful to Rhaenyra so how she expects Rhaenyra to be truthful to her.

This is actually such an interesting take that I never dwelled much upon! Huh, now that you mention it, it does leave a bad taste that Alicent never told Rhaenyra about her interactions with Viserys. However, I do not exactly believe that these two situations are equal. Alicent was forced by her father to go and visit Viserys against her will and Viserys himself commanded her to not share their conversations with Rhaenyra (a typical thing abusers do). What’s more is that the nature of their relationship with Viserys wasn’t explicit or even romantic! She was just a girl being nice to him! Even Alicent herself was shocked when Viserys announced he intends to marry her. It was difficult for Alicent, who was lost in her misery, to tell her also miserable friend that their fathers are abusing her, especially after the king himself forbade her to do so. And Rhaenyra showed no understanding to her situation, especially since all of that happened against Alicent’s will. Rhaenyra, on the other hand, was responsible for her own actions and concealing the truth from the girl who spent years of her life trying to apologise for what happened to her and tried her best to help her, would make anyone in Alicent’s shoes feel betrayed, me thinks.

2. I understand that Cole is very disappointed with Rhaenyra for turning his proposal down and thus siding with Alicent. I was thinking that he wants to keep his honor and seek redemption by doing his duty with honor. But then he is with Alicent, which keeps me wondering. My guess is probably that they both have the same enemy and can share the same feelings. Alicent ofcourse cant hate/complaint abt Rhaenyra to Viserys so probably she pours down her frustation to Cole and then they develop feelings to each other.

I think there’s more to Criston’s hatred towards Rhaenyra than her turning down his proposal. If you rewatch the scene, as I recently did, you’d see that Rhaenyra is awfully cruel to him. She speaks at him angrily and diminishes him. She calls him not worthy enough for her and rubs salt in his wounds by flaunting how much of a perfect husband Laenor is going to be. And the ultimate blow is that she finishes by telling him “We can still fuck tho!”. That’s such a fuckboy behaviour. She doesn’t respond when Criston desperately holds her accountable for what she did to him, how much he put on the line for her. What he did with Rhaenyra is punishable by death or castration. People need to remember what happened to princess Saera’s lovers! And to top it all off, he finds out Rhaenyra’s husband’s boyfriend knows all about it and threatens his life! He switches sides and becomes loyal to Alicent because she is the only one to show him some sympathy and mercy. I think their relationship is much deeper than people make it out to be. Coming close due to trauma and common experiences is a very strong bond. I never liked the jokes about how Alicent and Cole are together solely because of their mutual hatred/ yearning/ whatever for Rhaenyra, their literal abuser (at least from their side of the story). It removes the agency from two broken, abused SA victims and it disturbs me a lot. They experience how the Targaryens mistreat one another first hand. And, in Criston’s eyes, he has already lost his honour and feels like he’ll never be able to atone for his sins, as he says in this season. It’s kinda cruel to demand that he keeps the celibacy oath he gave to the Targaryens, who literally used him for sex, if not abused him.

3. For me, Rhaenyra’s bastards are the same like Cersei’s bastards. Cersei sacrifies her life to become Robert’s queen so that she can give throne to her kids and Robert does not care who will be the next king since he is too heartbroken to care whatever happens after he dies. Same like Rhaenyra. I guess Laenor doesnt care whose children are they since he cant give any children but he needs someone to continue his name/legacy. And the fact that Rhaenys and Corlys do not question the bastardy, i think they also feel the same thing.

I think I might be able to provide some insight on this, as a book reader! Cersei specifically doesn’t really sacrifice anything to become Robert’s Queen. The position is open handedly given to her in exchange for her father financially supporting Robert. In fact, Cersei has never willingly sacrificed anything in her life. She simply refuses to do so because she grew up very spoiled and entitled. Cersei was excited to marry Robert at first, until she realised that he’ll always be in love with Lyanna. If we’re to take Cersei’s word for it, she and Robert did have a son that died young and Robert was immensely heartbroken and angry over his death. Robert very much cares about who inherits the throne after him, that’s why his dying act as a king is to make sure his son (who he thinks is his) becomes king after him. Things would be very different had he known the truth. At the same time, even if Robert, Corlys, Viserys and any other lord did not care about who inherits their titles, this doesn’t change the fact that there are still laws that protect the rightful heirs from getting robbed off of their inheritance! Imagine if your brother, who practically has no heirs of his own, was the current holder of your family’s ancestral house which he did not himself build, and instead of leaving it to you, his blood, he was okay with the house getting passed on to a person that has no connection with your family. That wouldn’t be fair to you, would it? The ruling titles of House Velaryon and House Targaryen are not personal properties of Viserys and Corlys just because they happen to be their current holders. The titles have existed long before them. Vaemond Velaryon getting passed over, especially after he shed blood and money for his house in the Stepstone’s war, was an absolute disgrace. Sure, Viserys might have been justified in a way to change the law and allow his daughter to inherit the title because that’s still his blood, even if it was unfair to Aegon and Aemond according to tradition, but Corlys and Rhaenys had absolutely no right to humiliate Vaemond like that.

4. My understanding is that in the book both Rhaenyra and Alicent want the throne and the issue is abt female vs male heir, thus Rhaenys keep supporting Rhaenyra despite whatever. But the show cant make it abt female vs male heir since it will not sell in 2024. In the show, the main reason is misunderstanding since even Rhaenyra in season 1 is shown to not really want the throne but just to honor his father’s wish. Which is very weird since in GOT, many female character blatantly said they want the iron throne or become the queen.

I see what you’re trying to say! Yup, it’s absolutely true that the show doesn’t know what they’re doing with the storyline anymore. At first Rhaenyra doesn’t want to be queen. Then she does. Then she does even more. Then she is not certain. Book!Rhaenyra was much more adamant about sitting the throne at all costs. The TV show has removed the agency of all its female characters. If you take a closer look, you’d see that all the female characters are saints that compete for the Nobel Peace Prize. Alicent, Rhaenyra, Rhaenya, Mysaria, Alys Rivers: they all care about the well being of the people first and foremost and their own aspirations come second! On the other hand, the men, Daemon, Aegon, Aemond, Jace, Criston, are quick to go to war and give no fucks about the aftermath of it! Ryan Condal, HOTD’s producer, had informed us that this show was going to be a “feminist” retelling of the Dance of the Dragons, the feminism being that all women are good and all men are bad. That’s why it has turned into such a dumpster fire.

[apprenticesofdeweyhigh]

US-elections again. Can't believe it. It's the third time of Trump against an other candidate, and still it is such a close race. Which leaves me wondering. I can understand having different opinions, but still this amount of votes for Trump with his extreme positions? Even as in the US-system not every vote counts the same by their election system. For me, Trump is an incarnation of an ego-trip, which doesn't care about others. Low-tax-policy, attempts to restrict the health-insurance Obama-Care. Establishing a system with parameters, which governs people with a good starting position to develop even more force. Reverse, being a disadvantage for most people – independent whether being democratic or republican or neither.

Plus his politics against immigrants – such an irony, as "his" America consists purely of a late-generation of immigrants. Why is this possible? More or less, maybe because he promises ease. The easy way, the simple answers, which have to be repeated and repeated as there is no deep truth behind, anything more to say. Make America great again? America is great. And it never was as great as the promise promises – it always had problems with economic downs, racism, poverty, unequal opportunities.

The America people dream of, I doubt it ever existed. It's a promise of a never-happened past. The power of dreams lies in the unrestricted potential of them, the lifted boundaries. Dreams can be close to illusions. But when dreams should become real, they should start from reality, learning from the past to go into a better future. And withstand questioning. Is Trumps dream the dream of the people voting for him? I think it is not. Trump is living his own dream, trying to change the perception of reality. His dream is using the dreams of others, and paradoxically they grow together. The abuser doesn't have to take the right actions. He only needs to control the vision.

Anyway, I wanted to re-post an art piece I did four years ago. Not here, as I don't want to do reposts but on my instagram-channel, where it was not yet. In addition, I thought of doing a collage (which means kind of a double-posting, how...productive?) Yet I didn't have any idea. I also wanted to do it simple, without too big signs, at least some – like pictures of poverty. Instead, I choose a picture of afghanistan, representing a part of Americas younger past, loaded with so many aspects. A picture of wall-street, and of an American Suburb. Unclear in the fog.

PS.: As there is SO much speach of Trump against mexicans, I just want to pronounce that one of the best film-directors, Alejandro González Iñárritu, is mexican, and one of the greatest comedians, Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias, is the son of a mexican mother. So instead building walls, maybe they should build cinemas and stages.

[marudeinusa]

Hi Clari! Do you still have your slow damage essay/post? I've been meaning to reread it because I really loved your analysis of the subject

Yesss!!! Here it is under the cut, I edited it a little bit!

Slow Damage is a story about the cyclic nature of abuse and its consequences. Abuse sticks its claws into you and rakes down, leaving behind four ditches - orderly in some cases, and more chaotic in others. Either way, even as the skin and flesh heal, there is now a generous amount of empty space in you, and Slow Damage poses a question - what will you fill it up with?

I went into this VN knowing only that Towa enjoys rather extreme forms of self-harm, and I have to admit that this was precisely what captivated my attention at first - the promise of a severely damaged protagonist, and the hope that he is more than a run-of-the-mill masochist. I was not disappointed.

The extent to which Towa relates injury to sex and pain to pleasure immediately made me suspect the sort of trauma he must have endured in the past. For a moment, I thought: Isn't the solution to this mystery a little too obvious? Looking back at the lack of subtlety, though, I don't think that Towa being a CSA victim was supposed to be some kind of a grand reveal. The point wasn't in cracking the mystery, in understanding motivations and getting concrete answers - the point was observing one case of the consequences of abuse that will tell us - no, ASK us - something about all of them. How does the thing that happened to Towa keep happening over and over, and in silence too? What mechanisms allow it to happen, and to stay hidden? What all sorts of people, some of them generally good and kind, participate in these mechanisms?

Let us retrace our steps.

Maya forced her own son into violent prostitution from a very young age, all the while teaching him how to use charms to his advantage, how to manipulate people and fulfill their desires in order to gain control over them. The way she taught those things methodically seems to insinuate that this was something she herself had been taught at a young age and passed on; the art of assuming the exact persona you need to prod into people's insides. This isn't to say that her actions classify as excusable - in fact, isn't the fact that she's putting her child through the horrors she experienced herself even more disgusting? I wonder if her lessons in human psychology were all for the self-obsessed purpose of turning her son into a copy of herself... or was she, in a twisted way, thinking it would help him endure and rise the way that she had? I am going to let that question hang in the air - after all, the point of Surodame isn't to review individual motivations, but to ask questions about the grander scheme of things. That is precisely why I cried together with Towa upon reading the strangely frail account of Maya's diary: I just can't make [parenthood] work... realizing that the slow-growing disease had spread beyond that mother-son duo, beyond the walls of Euphoria, beyond Shinkoumi... in every corner of the world, there are hundreds of Mayas and Towas, and millions upon millions of Silent Takus wondering what they could have done differently.

For starters, I want to focus on Towa himself. When I think about him, the first phrase that comes to mind is 'a void filled with the dregs of abuse'. Though he himself doesn't remember his abuse throughout the first three routes, his every move is a reflection of it: every sexual encounter both a self-inflicted wound and an attempt to affirm: IT'S ME WHO CHOSE TO DO THIS TO MYSELF, which is why Towa's breakdown upon realizing that not even his scars belong to himself was especially painful. I like the choice of stating that Maya did not like nor understand art. She couldn’t bring herself to understand it. Though the penchant for uncovering people's dark desires and the ability to read them were all influenced by Maya, the instinct to paint those is Towa's. The art that almost died together with him was the one thing that belonged to him alone - and yet, there is comfort in the fact that the true route ends with him saying that he doesn't know whether he'll paint anymore or not. What matters is that he quit performing euphoric episodes, closed the cycle of abuse and perpetuating Maya's ideals. The sight of the atelier in the main menu all clean and bright upon Towa's vision returning to normal made me strangely emotional; the reveal that the chosen painting was never dark and muddy, that the atelier was never all that dark and scary... the final tour around Shinkoumi with everyone telling Towa that he looks like something good had happened to him... at the end of a very painful road, Towa still found some comfort in existing.

But what of Fujieda? Of Madarame, of Rei, Taku? For a BLVN, isn't it strange to go 6 paragraphs deep without mentioning any of the love interests?

I will preface this by saying that, to me, the very point of Surodame lies in the fact that none of them are ultimately good boyfriends to Towa. I really wanted to interpret the actions of the three sans Madarame more charitably than I do now, but in reasoning with myself, I failed at every single attempt. They are, to varying degrees and each in their own way, a dead end.

Let's go route by route.

Murase Takuma is a kind man in a way Towa is not - this is driven into our heads from the start. He is a doctor. He cares for children, workers and the elderly. He even lends an ear to them outside of his responsibilities as their physician, overworking himself to the brink of death. His role as the caretaker of a hopeless, bleak person like Towa, an addict who is destructive towards both himself and others, can certainly be perceived as saintly. Even his actions of keeping Towa's past from him, burning letters and throwing away packages, were all for the sake of preserving Towa's sanity! However, though Taku's intentions are pure, I can't read them as benign. Well - he is probably the most benign of the four men Towa involves himself with, being the only one who never physically lashed out at him. Neither abuser nor victim, Taku is a third thing entirely - an observer. A hider, a savior, a carer... and at his core, though not intentionally, an enabler. I do agree that there was nothing Taku could have done to save Towa as a child. There just wasn't a way to take Towa away from Euphoria while Maya lived. I do believe that he did the best he could, patching Towa up time after time... staying throughout the years, changing the bedding, throwing out the liquor bottles. Eat something, Towa. Smoke less, Towa. Once Towa got a lot older, Taku grew to love him romantically. Though I find it unsavory, Towa is over twenty-five at this point so it's not really some big deal. The much more dreadful power imbalance than that in age is the fact that Taku is holding the entirety of Towa's past, his abuse, and his identity over his head. Once again, I'm not calling Taku out as a gaslighter here - not in this route, at least, since Towa had no interest in his true identity at this point anyway. But you can't deny that their happy ending - embracing under the cherry blossoms with a calmer, more mature looking Towa, his hair a clean black, an orderly cardigan billowing behind him - is a sort of a quiet misery. Taku loves the man he saved (raised?), the man who presumably quit painful sex for his sake… but Towa doesn't even know what it is that he's being saved from. Towa is a hole. I really might not have interpreted this ending so negatively if it wasn't for the scene of Taku showing Towa a photograph of him as a little child in a restaurant with his mother. This smiling child prostitute in an orderly little boys' getup, dining with his pimp mother and his future lover. It felt to me like a means of truly driving into our brains the extent of Taku's helplessness, delusion, failure, and LIES. The photograph is a fabricated reality, a fabricated happy past that he feeds to Towa. In this route, this is what Towa filled the ditch with - a daydream, and sweet gentle sex that doesn't scratch his itch. I can't give them more than five years before Towa falls back into his old habits. The end.

Now we get to Rei. Rei is also a sort of a carer to Towa, though a more casual one and closer to him in age. Let us review Rei's situation with gender - due to his toxic, abusive father (who was also a child sex trafficker, might I add!) degrading him for his homosexuality and saying it made him less of a man, Rei developed an aversion to masculinity, speaking in onee-kotoba and growing out his hair and such. At some point he attempted to cut off his own penis in Towa's presence, but ended up hesitating and not going through. All in all, he decided to drop all things associated with traditional masculinity other than street fighting, which he uses to vent out his frustration. This is the key word here – FRUSTRATION, which all of Rei’s pretenses fail to rid him of. Rei's frustration grows to hundred percent when he is forced to enter to-the-death matches to get his deadbeat father out of debt. Killing opponent after opponent, Rei grows more frustrated and less and less like his friendly effeminate self. I think the key solution to the question of 'how is the writing of rei's gender handled?' Is the fact that Rei rediscovered his masculinity through violence. And Slow Damage is not a game that... likes violence, encourages it, or overall relates it to anything remotely positive. I don't think that Rei reconnected to his masculinity in a healthy way, and I don't think it's meant to be read as a cool arc about finding the lost self. Most of all, it's not his or Towa's happy ending. Speaking of Towa... the thing is that Rei only realized a sexual attraction to Towa once the amount of violence in his life amplified to the max. As his level of 'manliness' grew. Their sex scene is very frank about this - after he and Towa beat each other into bloody pulp, he says something along the lines of 'I'm a man and I want to fuck you.' I think it drives the point further that he was the only virginal love interest to that point - when he perceived himself as a woman, he had no violent sexual appetites, or at least didn't see a way towards realizing them. Once he 'reverted' into a man though, he could fuck Towa. He could claim his prize - who has no objections, given that it feeds perfectly into his own penchant that I described at the start. And their ending, showing us a casually manly Rei biking with Towa? We have no proof that he's in any way abusive, nor that they're unhappy, but... this 'new gender' of his, he built it up with bricks made of blood, some of it Towa's. I don't think Rei reached a happy ending. I think Rei is a feminine person, or at the very least a gender nonconforming man who retreated back into the closet within the violent festival that his father brought upon him... many will disagree, but this is how I read it - a manhood built up on violence equals unhapiness for two. I think Towa and Rei might stay together longer than Towa and Taku would, but it won't bring either of them any healing. The end.

Madarame's route is the simplest, since Madarame does not hide himself behind any masks. He is a violent, shameless rapist who gladly continues paving the road of self-destruction that Maya had left off half-finished. I think that placing this ending behind Taku and Rei's serves as a bit of a wake-up call to those who felt pacified by the former two - um, hey, hello? Did you forget? This is not a 'happy story'. For some three hours you watch Madarame break Towa psychologically, repeatedly rape and torture him - only to release him back to Taku and Rei for Towa to find that he can't truly fit in among them anymore. What purpose does it serve? Well, I think it just shows us that there never was any long-term happiness waiting for Towa with either of those men. I think the purpose of the Madarame route, beyond preparing us for the true route, is to totally nullify the effect of the first two. A 'forget what you thought you knew' type of detail. Broken into obedience, a wild blond Towa kissed Madarame after a boxing match. The end.

Fujieda.

He perplexes me the most, and I'm still not entirely certain in the answer I arrived at. Why would the author who penned this painfully real story about abuse have Towa end up with a man who - midway through the route - raped him? I tried to work wonders to explain this to myself, try to interpret it differently, but the truth is concrete. Fujieda raped Towa in a fit of rage, and then with a sober mind continued acting like everything was normal between them. Why would this be in a 'painfully real story about abuse?'

...precisely because it's painfully real. It happened to Towa. It happened to a million others. It might happen to you. When you hit your knee, do your fingers not venture to fondle the bruise, press down for a small reminder of what the pain felt like? The fingers are usually kind, but once in a while, they press down.

And again - Fujieda does not consistently abuse Towa. In fact, he gives him his first taste of truly pleasurable sex in a scene that pushed me to the brink of tears in its sad honesty. When Fujieda has a good day, he gently washes the remnants of assault out of Towa. But when he had an extremely bad way, he was the perpetrator of the assault. I think it's 'painfully real' for Towa to end up with such a man. After coming to terms with his past, this was the best he could do. This was as much as he could save himself. The VN ends on such a note - don't be too happy for him, and don't be too sad. I do believe that Fujieda brought Towa some comfort and clarity, but I can't say that this isn't a dead end, too. Just a more peaceful one in the light. In the ocean.

What's the point then, if Towa ends up stranded no matter what choices you make? Let's return to the beginning, to the ditch abuse made in you. Sometimes you fill it in with fantasies, sometimes with violence, sometimes with the 'next best thing', a 'he's a good man you know, he's only rough when he drinks' type of marriage... no matter what, fact is that all abused kids seek to fill it in with something familiar. Something they know and recognize. It yearns to be filled, it aches for it - whatever you're ready to dish out, just put it in! I think this merry-go-round of victims and perpetrators is what Surodame is trying to turn our eyes towards, or at least force us to stop averting them. So that you may not scorn the Towa in your life, so that if you are a Towa yourself, you may find comfort in knowing that someone somewhere dreamed you up, empathized with you and lead your hand along the path. Why, then, do we not see our Towa free?

Well, the future is long. He was in an ocean. Maybe he walked out.

[asukamood]

Flirts x 2 = Mess

***

Previous part — Next part

This post is part of the Bad things happen series

***

Ships: Past Hue (Hacker x Blue), Hinch (Hacker x Finch, mentioned), Drueswap (Dream x Blue, mentioned)

Warnings: Nothing I think?

Synopsis: Though as careful and cunning as Blue was, in the end, he too craved affection like anyone else. So before he aimed for the head of the infamous Justice Reigns, he had a couple of boyfriends.

One of them in particular, was quite the character and while their personalities matched, the relationship had gone to mush as both had issues of their own that made them simply unable to have a stable and healthy relationship with one another.

That ex in particular just so happened to be standing right in front of him.

***

It was almost common sense that Blue turned heads his way. Ever since he managed to get out of the endless white of the antivoid to a real place, he had noticed that people usually eyed him in a certain interested way.

Perhaps some would say that it was uncomfortable. To have people watching you in the corner of their eyes while you walked ahead, to have them asking you for your number before greeting you or sometimes even just full on gawking at you as if you were the most beautiful piece of art they have ever seen.

But for an attention-starved man like Blue, it was Heaven. He felt like he was noticed and there, not just a piece of the landscape. Maybe the logic behind that reasoning wasn't easy to get but when was Blue ever easy to understand?

To have anyone know how you behave was weakness, to have anyone being able to predict your next actions was weakness. Blue was perfectly content not to have to worry about any of these things.

Though as careful and cunning as Blue was, in the end, he too craved affection like anyone else. So before he aimed for the head of the infamous Justice Reigns, he had a couple of boyfriends.

One of them in particular, was quite the character and while their personalities matched, the relationship had gone to mush as both had issues of their own that made them simply unable to have a stable and healthy relationship with one another.

That ex in particular just so happened to be standing right in front of him.

“...” Blue stared at him, his eyes wide in surprise.

“...” He stared back, not expecting to run into him too it seems.

“... Aren’t you supposed to be in jail?” Blue questioned at one point, a teasing smile twitching at the side of his lips. The man in front of him returned the smirk.

“I am yes, but Finch somehow managed to convince the big boss to let me out.” Hacker said, making sure not to let the content of the bags in his hand being reviewed by Blue. “Though, I suppose you already knew about that, didn’t you?”

The other, being himself, of course noticed that suspicious behavior and decided that only a fool would challenge him in that way. He was definitely going to know what Hacker is hiding by the end of their conversation. “Of course I did.” He answered as innocently as possible. “Wasn’t really hard to figure out.”

Hacker chuckled a bit. “Yeah, as expected from Mr.Know-it-all. I’m saying that affectionately of course, don’t misunderstand me here.” Oh he definitely knew Blue was onto him.

“No need to worry about that.” Blue said, waving off his concerns with the back of his hand. “So apart from escaping from jail and everything, how are you going?”

Hacker hummed in thought, playing with the bag in his hands. “I think I’m doing pretty good, But well, how can you not feel great after eating Randy’s pancakes?”

“Touché.” Blue and Randy had met a solid three times when he and Hacker got together but each time, the freakishly tall man had been nothing but a sweetheart. So much, in fact, that one would wonder why he was wanted in the first place. Because really, it would be more likely that he was wanted as a father figure than a criminal.

Blue knew why of course but he wouldn’t tell anyone that, it wasn’t his place to do so after all.

“Thinking of it, you haven’t seen him in a while have you?” Hacker suddenly asked. Before Blue could answer, he followed it up with another question. “Wanna go hang out at my place? We’ve got lots to catch up after all.”

He blinked in surprise at that, vaguely thinking that it has indeed been a while since the two of them had the chance to really relax and chat at their heart’s content. Though, there was still a slight problem. “Would that really be okay though?” As Hacker raised his eyebrows, he quickly sighed before explaining briefly or rather, giving a hint on what the problem was. “I mean, isn’t Randy upset with me?”

Their relationship was anything but healthy and as caring as Randy was, he didn’t doubt that the latter would hardly accept someone who had hurt one of his unofficial sons showing up at his house.

And frankly speaking, Blue had no intention of squaring up with anybody and especially not a 6 '6 foot tall person who would probably be able to swing a claymore just fine.

However, the other shook those worries away with a wave of his hand and a shake of his head. A small conflicted smile came up to cover his face. “Don’t worry about having Randy mad at you, all of his hatred has been focused on [Jasper] for a while now.”

“Is that so?” Well, that was a relief, somewhat. Though, he couldn’t blame Randy for being mad at him specifically. Compared to Hacker’s relationship with that guy, theirs were the definition of happy and healthy. “It would be a pleasure then.”

“The pleasure’s mine.” He replied, playfully winking. Blue rolled his eyes with a smile, hitting his shoulder as he did so. Maybe being boyfriends didn’t work out, but that didn’t mean that the two of them couldn’t be good friends!

***

They were both standing on the house’s varanda when screams coming from inside the house suddenly rang out, startling both of them.

“FUCK THAT WIFI!” A certain feral teenager yelled, the loud thud of an object colliding with the wall closely following that shout. Hurried footsteps were then heard before the sound of a door opening reached their ears.

“Language son! Now, what is the issue exactly?” An older man’s voice spoke, soothing the other one. As witnesses, the duo of flirts could only chuckle in vague amusement before Hacker was finally able to turn the keys in the hole and swing the door open.

“I’m home!” He shouted amidst the chaos, not bothering to turn the volume up more than necessary. A distant ‘Welcome home!’ was heard within the halls but no one paid much attention to it, if we don’t count Hacker’s small smile on his face.

“The house didn’t change much from last time I came here, huh?” Blue remarked, plopping on one of the couches of the living room. The same furniture, the same unidentified mound of clothes on the dining chairs, messy but that somehow added to the already very homey atmosphere of the building.

“Yeah, we usually don’t have any visitors so tidying everything up is like, the least of our concerns.” Hacker sat down next to Blue, instinctively reaching for the remote control that was (for once) free from anyone else’s grip. “Fancying watching any movie?”

Blue stared at the empty screen for a little bit, humming, before he shook his head. “No, I think I would rather talk. Plus, turning on the TV is just a wish for Bobby to come out of nowhere and steal the remote.”

Hacker chuckled, throwing it where it belonged. “You’ve got a point there. I don’t really want to deal with him as of right now anyway.” He kicked his feet to the coffee table, slumping a little more as he did so. From the two of them, it was clear by posture alone who was more comfortable in this house. “So, what do you want to talk about?”

“Well, we have so much to tell each other that I doubt we can really choose that easily.” It has been a solid year since they’ve really got to talk face to face after his detention after all. “But I’ve heard that you found yourself attached to someone new?” He asked with a hint of a smirk on his lips.

Hacker scoffed, amused. “Yeah, though I’ve also heard you weren’t bad in that department either. Like really? Dream Von Licht himself? You’re really the only one who would ever think of attempting something like that and actually succeeding.”

“What can I say? I just have that much charisma.” Hacker nudged him with his elbow for that, earning a half-hearted ‘ow’ from the other. “And don’t think I didn’t notice you reaching for high ends too. Trying to get the captain of the Justice Division, a direct subordinate of Dream, while you’re a literal criminal.”

“A criminal, yes, but a hot one!” He replied quickly, performing an exaggerated wink that almost had Blue bursting out laughing. “Besides, we gotta keep that enemies to lovers trope going you know? I’ve been scrolling for a good while online but these are starting to get rare.”

“Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night my friend.” Blue started to relax, slightly leaning a little more on the couch behind him. “I’m quite relieved actually, I would feel bad if I were the only one to find myself someone before our 40’s.”

Confusion passed on the other’s features before realization dawned on him. “Oh right! I almost forgot about our deal. It’s true that we haven’t thought about that possibility. What would happen if only one of us were to find a partner? Because like, we can’t really share, that would be slightly unsettling.”

Blue raised a questioning eyebrow. “Only slightly?”

“... Yeah, you’re right it would be weird as fuck.” Hacker’s face scrunched.

“Have you ever imagined yourself snogging Dream?” At the sentence, the other’s eyes widened as he choked on his spit, doubling over from the shock as Blue started laughing uncontrollably.

“Oh my fucking- sTOP!”

Truly, what good friends they were.

[tonydaddingham]

(1/3) Coming off anon to thank you for clarifying the nicknames! I can’t believe “Every” is unrelated to “Every Day”; that’s quite the coincidence. More importantly—I read the linked post where you coined the Feral Domestic (iconic of you), and god, your early sleep-deprived impressions still resonate so hard. (ctd.)

oh. my. word. @nimpseudo!!!✨💕 hello, hi!!! thank you so much for this lovely, lovely ask!!! god, where do i start-

first of all, thank you so much for the kind words!!! this fandom is chock full of intelligent, insightful, and observant people; it's incredibly easy to stoke the imposter syndrome when writing your own meta or analysis, especially when you anticipate it might be quite controversial. everyone sees things differently, and everyone sees things differently over time, but to have a view that might just be a bit of an outlier is doubly scary. but to know that - if even only a handful of people - resonate with my ramblings truly is what makes me keep doing it. so thank you, thank you, thank you!!!✨

im certainly not the only one who feels like this about the Feral Domestic and the kiss in general. now i will admit that in this scene, i do have some aziraphale prejudice, and i can come across as quite biased towards his view of what happened. i think it might be because in the same situation, i think id do the same thing, or view it the same as i perceive aziraphale to do. but over time, my empathy towards crowley has definitely increased, certainly more than my first reaction suggested at the time i posted it; i get his perspective, his terror and fear and vehemence towards aziraphale's offer, and in his shoes id also refuse to join aziraphale.

i think what truly made me recoil tho, as i said in the post and you said in your ask, is the kiss itself. i get why he did it, i get why he was desperate and overwhelmed, but all i can see in response to that is aziraphale's reaction. whilst i see the purely emotional side of crowley kissing him - and god do i sympathise - logically it didn't prove much. aziraphale knows crowley wants to be with him, and crowley knows the vice versa (they literally said as much! that's probably one of the only points in this dialogue that they actually communicate!). the issue on both sides is the caveats - aziraphale doesn't want to run, crowley doesn't want to return. and both are completely understandable.

imo; if the kiss was meant to prove to aziraphale that crowley wanted him, wanted him to stay - well, it wasn't needed, aziraphale heard crowley all but beg him to stay. alternatively, if the kiss was meant as a "this is what you'll be missing", or "this is my goodbye", or - as i personally think - "this will make you stay"... well, these are all pretty shitty.

i do have to wonder if aziraphale has even imagined a kiss with crowley (jane austen, iirc, didn't write romantic kisses in her stories - although she did imply them - and therefore arguably a kiss wouldn't fit into his view of ideal romance... he's likely read other romance stories, but it's specifically austen's he refers to in a romantic capacity in ep2). he likely hasnt, imo, and so with this in mind, when crowley kisses him, how could he possibly see it as anything other than possession, carnal and rough, and as manipulation?

that isn't to say aziraphale isn't open to it - the ox scene and the 40s minisode certainly suggest it, as does him briefly reciprocating during the kiss itself - but it was sudden and fast and unexpected... arguably all the things that scare aziraphale. he reciprocates, but does he even see his own action as willing, or the result of a temptation? because crowley tempted him? it wasn't consensual, it wasn't discussed or eased into, and to my mind it wasnt emotionally romantic.

regardless of the extenuating emotion behind it, it was not a good move on crowley's part. manifestly, it might have even pitted aziraphale against him - aziraphale has always seen crowley as a good person, that's the whole reason behind the restoration offer in the first place... but this? this will have potentially shown to aziraphale that crowley might not be wholly who he thought he was. bad news bears.

anyway sorry, accidental analysis!!!✨ but regardless - thank you so much for being so kind to say what you have, it truly is lovely and very much appreciated. please keep sharing your own meta and analysis, regardless of reach you do or do not have; ive added on multiple posts a tag that reads "#in this house every opinion is valid if you can argue it well enough", and whilst jokey, i do hold that stance. ive rb'd and liked plenty of meta/analysis that are different to or at odds with my own, because i definitely don't think im 100% correct, and actually we all might - between us - have reached the right interpretation together, collectively. as long as it isn't outright offensive, and basically doesn't point-blank ignore the canon or narrative, i truly don't think any interpretation is cancellable if it can be backed up!!!✨💕