#but some of the choices are still funny

[fossore]

The Sharks did their annual Sampling with the Sharks Charity Auction which included player "Favorite Things" gift baskets. Auctions are saved but they get hard to find unless you have the right link, so the overall image of the baskets and description of the contents is saved below (find out what Thrun's favorite book apparently is!)

Note: all images of the entire gift baskets are left without alt text as the contents are also included in the post

#3 Henry Thrun's Favorite Things Basket!

This package includes:

Adidas Authentic Made in Canada Home Evolve "Thrun" Jersey Autographed by #3 Henry Thrun (Size 56)

Hyperice Hypervolt Go 2 Portable Percussion Massager

San Jose Sharks Plush Blanket

San Jose Sharks Mini Hockey Stick

Shoe Dog by Phil Knight featuring personalized message from Henry Thrun

Assorted Ghirardelli Milk Chocolate Squares

3 Mini Shark Rubber Ducks

Sponsorship of Layla the Pup's care at Humane Society Silicon Valley

Woven basket with lid

This basket was thoughtfully curated and generously donated by Henry Thrun and Leyla Ewald

#7 Nico Sturm's Favorite Things Basket!

This package includes:

Fanatics Replica Made in Indonesia Home Evolve "Sturm" Jersey Autographed by #7 Nico Sturm (Size L)

Black Lululemon Daily Multi-Pocket Tote Bag 20L

Black Lululemon The Mat 5mm Made With FSC(TM) Certified Rubber

Lululemon Double Roller

Black Lululemon Back to Life Sport Bottle 32oz

Therabody Theragun Wave Duo Smart Vibrating Roller

This basket was thoughtfully curated and generously donated by Nico Sturm and Taylor Turnquist

#11 Luke Kunin's Favorite Things Basket!

This package includes:

Adidas Authentic Made in Canada Home Evolve "Kunin" Jersey Autographed by #11 Luke Kunin (Size: 54)

LKT1D Hoodie to be Autographed by #11 Luke Kunin (Size: L)

LKT1D Hat to be Autographed by #11 Luke Kunin (Size: Adjustable)

LKT1D Puck Autographed by #11 Luke Kunin

6-pack Coors Banquet Beer

32 oz Grey Owala FreeSip Water Bottle

7 oz Sanders Sea Salt Caramel Dark Chocolate

This basket was thoughtfully curated and generously donated by Luke and Sophia Kunin

#21 Alexander Wennberg's Favorite Things Basket!

This package includes:

Fanatics Replica Made in Indonesia Away Evolve "Wennberg" Jersey Autographed by #21 Alex Wennberg (Size L)

3 Fanatics Authentic Pro San Jose Sharks A-Frame Rink Hats Autographed by Alexander Wennberg (Adjustable - Snapback)

Black Yeti Hopper Flip 12 Soft Cooler

Black Yeti Rambler 20oz Travel Mug

AirPods Pro

12oz Blue Bottle Coffee Bella Donovan Whole Beans

12oz Blue Bottle Coffee Kenya Whole Beans

This basket was thoughtfully curated and generously donated by Alexander and Felicia Wennberg

#44 Marc-Edouard Vlasic's Favorite Things Basket!

This package includes:

Adidas Authentic Made in Canada Home Evolve "Vlasic" Jersey Autographed by #44 Marc-Edouard Vlasic (Size 56)

#44 Grey Reebok Sharks Hockey Player Issued Hoodie

750 ml Bottle of Veuve Clicquot Yellow Label Brut Champagne Autographed by Members of 2024-25 San Jose Sharks

Jar of Sweet Vlasic Pickles Autographed by #44 Marc-Edouard Vlasic

2 Mini Pure Maple Syrup Bottles

Ferrero Rocher Chocolate Bar

2 Poutine Gravy Mix Packages

Just Dill Dog Toy

Kong Cozie Doy Toy

Kong Ball Dog Toy

Fresh is Best Freeze-Dried Wild Salmon Fillet Dog Treats

Dried Dog Treats

Woven Basket

This basket was thoughtfully curated and generously donated by Marc-Edouard Vlasic and Frederique Guay

#73 Tyler Toffoli's Favorite Things Basket!

This package includes:

Fanatics Replica Made in Indonesia Home Evolve "Toffoli" Jersey Autographed by #73 Tyler Toffoli (Size XL)

San Jose Sharks Foam Finger Autographed by #73 Tyler Toffoli

San Jose Sharks Puck Autographed by #73 Tyler Toffoli

Official Major League Baseball Framed Baseball

New Era 9FIFTY Snapback LA Dodgers Hat (Adjustable)

IN-N-OUT T-Shirt (Size L)

IN-N-OUT Stickers

IN-N-OUT Gift card

IN-N-OUT Paper Hats

SJ Sharkie Kuricha Plush Doll

8.3 oz Brodo Roasted Garlic & Chili Chicken Bone Broth

8.3 oz Brodo Rosemary & Lemon Chicken Bone Broth

5.3 oz Smart Sweets Sweet Fish

7.8 oz Late July Garden Ranch Tortilla Chips

3 lbs Dr Teal's Pure Epsom Salt Soaking Solution (Relax & Relief)

34 fl oz Dr Teal's Foaming Bath with Pure Epsom Salt (Relax & Relief)

This basket was thoughtfully curated and generously donated by Tyler and Cat Toffoli

#91 Carl Grundstrom's Favorite Things Basket!

This package includes:

Fanatics Replica Made in Indonesia Home Evolve "Grundstrom" Jersey to be Autographed by #91 Carl Grundstrom - Note: This jersey is currently being made and will be autographed by Carl on February 2. Auction listing photo will not be updated to include jersey but auction winner will receive an autographed jersey

San Jose Sharks blanket

San Jose Sharks Scarf

San Jose Sharks Keychain

San Jose Sharks Magnet

San Jose Sharks Puck to be Autographed by #91 Carl Grundstrom

The Little Book of Fika by Lynda Balslev

Swedish Playing Cards

Kafferep Cookies with Raspberry-Flavored Filling (12 count)

Kafferep Cookies with Chocolate-Flavored Filling (12 count)

Pagen Gifflar Cinnamon Treats (12 count)

5.11 oz Karlfazer Milk Chocolate with Toffee Pieces Bar

Woven basket

This basket was thoughtfully curated and generously donated by Carl and Wilma Grundstrom

#96 Jake Walman's Favorite Things Basket!

This package includes:

Fanatics Replica Made in Indonesia Home Evolve "Walman" Jersey Autographed by #96 Jake Walman (Size XL) - Note: this jersey was autographed upside down. A new jersey is being made and will be autographed to replace the upside down signature. Auction winner will receive a correctly oriented jersey

San Jose Sharks Puck Autographed by #96 Jake Walman

75 White Callaway Wooden Tees

12 Callaway Hex Diablo Golf Balls

22 oz Yankee Candle - Midnight's Summer

13 oz Threshold Candle - Coastal Wind and Lavender

750 ml Decoy Chardonnay

12 oz can Strawberry Vanilla Olipop

12 oz can Classic Root Beer Olipop

6 oz Lindt Lindor Milk Chocolates

6 Full Size Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

Woven Basket

This basket was thoughtfully curated and generously donated by Jake Walman and Haley Borland

#4 Cody Ceci's Favorite Things Basket!

This package includes:

Fanatics Authentic Pro San Jose Sharks Rink Trucker Hat Autographed by #4 Cody Ceci (Adjustable - Snapback)

Viski Alchemi Smoked Cocktail Kit

Riedel Drink Specific Glassware - Pair of Rocks Glasses

Tovolo Sphere Ice Molds (Set of 2)

Moonstruck Dark Chocolate Espresso Artisan Chocolate

Moonstruck Dark Chocolate Almond Artisan Chocolate

2 Seasonal Cape Taupe Yeti Rambler 10oz Tumblers

12oz Blue Bottle Coffee Hayes Valley Espresso Whole Beans

This basket was thoughtfully curated and generously donated by Cody and Jamie Ceci

#64 Mikael Granlund's Favorite Things Basket!

This package includes:

Adidas Authentic Made in Canada Home Evolve "Granlund" Jersey Autographed by #64 Mikael Granlund (Size 54)

San Jose Sharks Igloo Insulated Lunch Tote

12 Titleist ProV1 Golf Balls (5,6,7,8)

San Jose Sharks Puck

San Jose Sharks Keychain

San Jose Sharks Magnet

Fazer Salmiakki Mix (Authentic Finnish Salty liquorice)

KarlFazer Maitosuklaa (Milk Chocolate)

Halsa Bucket Sauna Hat

The Finnish Way by Katja Pantzar

Woven Basket

This basket was thoughtfully curated and generously donated by Mikael Granlund and Kukka Kyyhkynen

I don't know if these links will keep working but here are all the listings (each name is a separate link)

Thrun Sturm Kunin Wennberg Vlasic Toffoli Grundstrom Walman Ceci Granlund

[peach-sea]

Cringetober Day 1. Screenshot Redraw

inspired by this early eah scene where raven "lets her bad side out" playing guitar and my cousin and I go "apple's probably losing it" and then they cut to her and she's making this face ↓

[tainebot01]

I was working on this video when the Investigations Collection Announcement dropped, then proceeded to spiral for the next few days before finally finishing it.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Ok, I think I have a pretty good idea of why a lot of Akechi's dialogue is... like that.

So, even before his confidant truly started, I noticed that he has a real knack for directing the flow of a conversation. This is very fitting for someone who is both a detective and skilled at interviews - when there is a topic and a goal, Akechi is in his element.

All this to say, he's actually kind of controlling when it comes to conversational flow. He probes for information, or turns the conversation around to a particular topic, usually the Phantom Thieves. He manages to take a few of Joker's dialogue options and spin them so they sound mildly incriminating in the context he's placed them in - the only way to truly get around this is to pick answers that feign indifference, and even then, that's more than a bit telling. He's clearly very good at this kind of thing.

But then, we get conversations where either Joker does something he didn't expect, or else he doesn't have a particular goal in mind - and the conversation stutters. In the first instance, Joker does something (a particularly egregious example is putting his glasses on him and fluffing his hair in rank 3) which both leaves him wrong-footed and no longer in perfect control of the situation. He just kind of... freezes, for awhile. It's hilarious. He has no idea how to respond.

He picks up control again in the phone call afterwards, having chosen to play into it, turning this "fooling the crowds" into a kind of game or secret between them. Nice save.

But in instances where there isn't an obvious topic and the goal is somewhat nebulous, for instance, that one Leblanc scene, it becomes pretty apparent that Akechi doesn't have the right "script" to go off of. Again, it's particularly notable in that scene, because I'm fairly sure he didn't have any specific reason to be at Leblanc, other than him looking for a quiet spot now that public opinion has turned on him. And because there isn't anything specific he's digging for, he kind of just ends up throwing things at the wall to see what will stick. Probing for any kind of recognizable reaction that he can jump on and work with, and that just doesn't really happen in this scene.

He references Sae, a woman in a respectable position, to Sojiro, but instead of that netting a welcome, it earns his ire, given Sae's recent actions against him. He then tries to greet Joker, his... rival? friend? enemy? person who at least seems to somewhat enjoy spending time with him? But Joker's responses are somewhat short, and Akechi practically wilts. He tries to commiserate by oversharing. He tries to involve Futaba and reaches out for the only topic of interest he can think of around "young people". He compliments the coffee. He compliments Joker. He tries to invoke that connection between them. None of it is really sticking, nor does it serve as a jumping off point for him to steer the conversation, or even really start one.

So, he basically just ends up having a one-sided chat with himself and then leaves. Hilarious. Also a little sad, if I'm being honest. It's really giving "guy with no friends who only knows how to speak to adults" energy. If there's no specific purpose to the exchange, or he is not in control of its direction, he seems to be kind of out of his depth. He succeeds only in being a little awkward and confusing, more than anything.

[sonknuxadow]

hey guys look what i found in my drafts. from a few days ago .

[ender1821]

somebody hold me tight my gempearl people we are in the trenches i dont know what's worse the fact that pearl thought that gem and her stil had an unspoken alliance for wild life because they did it for secret life and that’s their thing (they trust each other until the end) but they DON’T or the fact that sl!gem genuinely loved pearl so much that what happened in the finale was a big betrayal for her and it hurt her so much that she feels like she can’t trust pearl now in wild life (and also how she is so bent on making friends and being on the good side of most because, well, she's been betrayed before right?)

gem is already on edge and will lash out at anyone that even tries to take, approach weirdly or do anything to her or joel but pearl doesn’t understand the importance of what they had in secret life held for gem. for gem the bridge of what they had was burnt alongside the sunflower field and it was burnt by pearl. for pearl the bridge was never burnt, it only carries the ashes of the field.

it’s the fact that despite all the bitterness and rage and anger brewing inside her, gem can't help but show a bit of concern when pearl tells her that she's had a rough day.

the layers of miscommunication between them are so many i need them to TALK and FIX this before something else happens.

does NOT help that Pearl’s minor slip up at the end of the cobblestone wall interaction indirectly fuelled more of Gem’s paranoia/scepticism for Impulse + Pearl, because her “well now I don’t know who to try this on, everyone else are allies” meant that she ONLY viewed Gem and Joel as enemies. which. isn’t the case. she just meant people who are neutral to her. because Pearl where did you get allies from you’ve been dying down in the mines and eating your own sword (/lh). but OF COURSE Gem would view that as them being enemies now. hey. you know what this miscommunication reminds me of. this lil minecraft series on youtube called Double-

narratively this is so. this is awesome man. i want to see how this resolves so bad.

[skrunksthatwunk]

landing

[bacchuschucklefuck]

[qoldenskies]

Thinking about Rise Splinter hate… it always makes me kinda sad. Like YEAH, it wasn’t right the way he treated the boys. But like, Rise is really good at expressing subtle familial dynamics, and one of the big ones for me is the fact that like… there’s always an undercurrent of “It’s complicated” to their interaction with Splinter. IRL, it always pisses me off to see people casting judgments on people’s relationships with their family, because you don’t know!! Yeah, they hurt you, but not everything’s black and white. It’s complicated. Because you love them, and sometimes you get to understand a little bit better why things happened as you get older.

In a matter of smaller importance, hate for him loses so many opportunities in his character… even things that might just be kinda off-handedly mentioned.

He fought for SEVEN years—give me Splinter with chronic pain. Splinter relating to his boys with their neurodivergence—it’s HIS fault they have it!!!

That was seven years of imprisonment, or even simpler, an abusive relationship. What did he learn from that? How did he change? What things are skewed in his worldview?

His childhood! We saw his relationship with his grandfather a bit, but how did Splinter grow into his dream of being a movies star? HIM BEING A MOVIE STAR. He was both a rebellious team and a literal celebrity, this guy probably took empyrean at some point without knowing it, just like. Recreationally or something LMAO.

I maybe just need more of his old man knowledge. Him being so loser-core was a great move by the Rise team, and I could SEE where his story was going—ROBBED. We were ROBBED.

splinter hate is CRAAAAZY when he's such an INTERESTING character who does actually have a lot of obvious depth. like he's goofy and he's objectively flawed as a parent but he does go out of his way to improve himself and LEARN throughout the show, and he does listen and apologize when he knows he's messed up. his issues are so similar to leo's actually, leo's a kid so he's got more leeway to be shitty but idk when people act like its endearing on him and not on splinter. splinter's hilarious free my man

on the other side of the coin i dont really like when people make him a perfect loving parent either,,, i think people going for all kinds of interpretations in order to serve whatever story they need is fine but i do prefer kind of messy parent splinter, i think its kind of sad to see him reduced down to bad or good. he LOVES his boys so dearly and he would NEVER intentionally want to hurt them, but he's quick to cast judgement when he's angered/feels disrespected (evil league of mutants comes to mind, but also in turtle dega nights when donnie first stops the tank) and he's really a lot more inattentive than he should be. but there are REASONS behind this, coming out of an abusive relationship, fighting in bloodsports against his consent for years, you could probably count the whole draxum thing as traumatic (its presented as kind of silly in the show, but considering what it lead to,, its a pivotal moment in the backstory. its one of those things that i reasonably feel can be recontextualized because its so essential) and then dealing with crippling body dysmorphia and being forced into the sewers with no company other than his children,, it really adds up

idk like ,,,, you can still be extremely traumatized and be a horrible parent. in fact trauma can be a direct CAUSE of being a bad parent because that kind of thing influences every facet of your life and if youre unprepared emotionally, yeah. but splinter isn't the kind of person to double down and become more overtly nasty when he feels cornered. if he gets the feeling that his kids are actually upset with him, he backtracks. this is actually kind of a key trait of his, that he does try very hard to correct himself when he messes up. he's communicative and apologetic, and he tries very hard to be that way.

and also this is maybe something that i just have a wider problem with when it comes to the way people interpret things in cartoons at times but splinter's actions in eps like lair games (especially in lair games) and flushed but never forgotten are meant to be like. jokes. its absurdist comedy that's meant to catch you off guard. there are more serious emotional beats in rise you can use but i think when youre adapting this world and characters into a more serious tone you have to keep that kind of thing in mind because some things are meant to be surprising and absurd for the sake of making you laugh. i think the best comparison i can think of is how in musical movies they're not actually singing (in most cases, sometimes the fact that they actually are is played for laughs it depends. but yk what i mean). the joke is that this is kind of a shitty thing he's doing but taking the actions themselves seriously in a vacuum in order to cast shame on a character has always been odd to me. that'd be like calling raph abusive for rolling up the window on mikey's neck in late fee. or calling the teetz murderers because they caused a robot mass suicide that one time. it just doesnt make any sense

[naamahdarling]

.

[rawliverandgoronspice]

This idea that the timeline wasn't a thing until overbearing fans made it matter too much and poor poor nintendo was made to yield* kind of annoys me, not gonna lie

(*I won't say there wasn't a huge focus on it by fans to a point where it must have become suffocating when it Wasn't The Point, but Nintendo 1000000% started it and continuity was *always* part of the way they either marketed or discussed the games prior to the Wild Era)

[lexalovesbooks]

I’ll never get over how funny it is that the reason Teraeth reincarnated as one of the hellwarriors was because Atrin saw the man he was in love with (has literally never spoken to him ever in 500 years) and the woman he was in love with (he’s convinced she hates his guts) (knows they have some kind of affection for each other but is unclear on the details) volunteer one after the other and went ‘oh I cannot let them reincarnate together without me’ like yes he was emperor for five hundred years and undeniably changed the world yes he was an incredible warrior and strategist in his own right. Yes he volunteered to save the world because his crushes did it first and he didn’t want to be left out. Funniest guy ever.

[biblically-accurate-dca]

KILL!!!!!!!!!

[batsplat]

wait, is there a dovi/jorge feud???? i didn't know this!! also thank you so much for all you do for this community ❤️

not the only ask I've gotten about this and... look, rather than doing a proper write up that would take forever, I'm just gonna give my top ten fun... facts? bits of trivia. tidbits related to the two of them. quite long tidbits, on second glance. the highlight reel, if you will

(1) that time andrea dovizioso made 14 year old jorge lorenzo cry

the two of them already raced each other before the start of their grand prix careers, competing for the first time in 2001 in the cev when dovi was around 15 and jorge around 14. in riveras tobia's biography, here's jorge talking about their first fight:

I led the way at the start and Dovizioso and I escaped. It was our first head-to-head encounter, the first time we raced each other. My dad had heard that Dovi was a really clever rider and he warned me before the race. But just like in 1998 at Jerez, with Olive, I acted like a dummy and pushed for the whole race. I kept looking behind me to see the bastard still there! It was impossible to shake him off, he was watching me the whole race until the last lap. Three comers from the end I could hear his engine getting closer and I saw his shadow to my left, but he didn't come past. I thought to myself "This guy is going to try something in a second!" I decided I had to on a tighter line and close the door. Sure enough, Dovi went wider through that comer and then dived up the inside. I didn't close the door in time and tried to get in his slipstream, desperately hoping I could get him the next corner, but I ran wide and he won. I came back in tears, I didn't even want to go to the podium, I felt so cheated. I'd been on the limit for the whole race and I felt like I deserved the win more than he did.

so that's a nice and positive start! there's something charming about how even fifteen year old dovi was an absolute menace on last laps

also about that race:

'Jorge beat Dovi in Braga but in the previous race at Most, what a tantrum!' recalls Juanito, laughing. 'He didn't even want to go to the podium, he was crying like a baby! I can still see Dani (Antatriain) talking to him, trying to convince him. In the end he went but he didn't want to look at anybody.'

(2) the photo finish

in 2004, they were rivals in 125cc - a year in which dovi claimed the title and jorge was p4 in the standings. in the very first grand prix ever at the lusail circuit (pretty eventful weekend, you have to say), jorge and dovi crossed the line at the exact same moment

(3) dovi's top three favourite career win

dovi and jorge progressed through the categories at the exact same rate, and after their 125cc rivalry they continued fighting in 250cc. they were title rivals in both 2006 and 2007, with jorge's aprilia winning out both times against dovi's underpowered honda. (the general pattern was that dovi clawed back a bunch of points from jorge in the wet - jorge, with perhaps the exception of a few years in the premier class until around 2013, has never been much of a wet weather racers, while it's always been one of dovi's strongest traits.) for dovi's 300th career start in 2019, he was asked what his top three wins were - and one of his picks was from way back when in 2007

I'd recommend the race! which... well, I did in the race rec post - and I can only reiterate that these two kids do not acknowledge each other, not good vibes at all

(4) jorge's thoughts on young dovi from 2008

Jorge has a lot of respect for Andrea Dovizioso and feels that his two 250cc world titles have even more prestige because he had to beat the Italian to win them. 'You wouldn't label Dovizioso as fast, particularly, but he's much faster than he looks. He doesn't set many pole positions but he is always up front in a race, fighting to win. He is very intelligent and you can't trust him an inch on the last lap. He has been faithful to Honda, he has great belief in them. His negative side is that he tends to play the victim too much. He'll say that if his bike had a better engine or if it was a bit faster he would win. He's even said that if he was on the same bike as me he'd give me a hiding. I think he looks for excuses too often sometimes, but as a rider and a person I don't have a bad word to say about him.'

some dovi traits read as very familiar, from how he's a better racer than qualifier to the intelligence to the last lap prowess. as for jorge saying dovi plays victim too much? well

also this:

ER: Don't you think that Dovizioso wanted to be World Champion too in 2006 and 2007? Don't you think he gave everything to achieve it? JL: He will think he gave his maximum but he will be lying to himself because nobody does that. Nobody gets close to their maximum, not even me. He will think that he didn't win because he was riding a Honda. There are very few sportsmen who will say, I deserve what happened to me and there are no excuses. I didn't know how to do any better and I've done things wrong.' That is the only way to be the best, the only way. People who make excuses don't get to the top. I know riders who haven't made it for just that reason.

plus ça change

(5) jorge's thoughts on young dovi from 2018

when they were doing their thing as ducati teammates (bickering), here is one of the things jorge said about dovi:

dovi's been trying to undermine jorge's morale his WHOLE career... even when they were but teenagers... love it when you can really tell someone's been sitting on something for over a decade

(6) "also lorenzo is not my friend"

both of them moved up to motogp in 2008, jorge with factory yamaha and dovi with satellite honda. dovi had a very strong rookie season and finished in p5, only sixteen points behind jorge in p4 (who after a promising first few races had spent a lot of time that season crashing). after that, their fortunes diverged. dovi did not have a particularly happy time in the factory honda team and needed to do some shrewd negotiating to be retained by them for 2011 in that three-man squad, while jorge of course won the championship in 2010

here's a deep cut from 2011, a season where much of the excitement and drama was caused by marco simoncelli alone. jorge had exchanged tense words with sic in estoril, one race before simoncelli was responsible for a crash where dani broke his collarbone. the crash and sic's subsequent penalty meant that the three-way fight between jorge, dovi and valentino became one for the podium, with dovi and valentino eventually grabbing the two remaining spots behind casey. but during the race, jorge had executed a... questionable manoeuvre on dovi, one that did have some similarities to the sic/dani incident. given jorge's strong previous comments on racing standards, unsurprisingly the journalists pounced on this incident in the post-race presser and ask the podium sitters about it. here is the clip:

in this clip, dovi essentially says it was a dangerous move from jorge, but he wasn't sure what jorge's intent had been and he needs to watch the footage again. valentino (who had been the most outspokenly critical of sic of the three of them earlier in the presser) takes the opportunity presented to him to have a bit of a potshot at jorge. he says that dovi doesn't have the best relationship with sic but jorge had done something pretty similar in the race... at which point dovi goes "also lorenzo is not my friend"

which, you know. not exactly a major incident, but I find it very charming dovi felt the need to clarify that, actually, he doesn't like either of them. valentino also adds that by jorge's own standards, surely he too should have gotten a penalty. not exactly a meeting of jorge's biggest fans hm

(7) mapping eight-gate

well I can't leave it out, can I

so in 2017 jorge switches from yamaha to ducati and does not have a great time of it. a lot of weekends, he's just too slow, other times he shoots to the front of a race at the start (typically not great news for the rest of the field in his yamaha days) and then chews up his tyres before gradually dropping like a stone back through the field. at some point that year it became a bit of a running gag - especially when you saw he was the only big name to be picking a soft tyre and just went... buddy we ALL know how this is gonna end....

while this was happening, his teammate dovi was for the first time in his premier class career in championship contention. an extremely close title fight throughout the year with five protagonists until pretty late in the season, it eventually went to a title decider in valencia between dovi and marc. you know, the kind of year where every point counts. the race where marc put a bit of daylight between himself and dovi was phillip island, with marc winning a great dogfight out front while dovi had a bit of a horror show of a weekend. this meant that a lot would have to go right for dovi to have a chance of still winning the title... and sepang was already a match point race for marc

ducati had not won a championship since their 2007 title, courtesy of one casey stoner. after that year, their bike became steadily less competitive every season, reaching a nadir around the 2011-13-ish period. so by the time 2017 rolled around, they wanted this so so badly - even if they wouldn't have expected dovi to lead the charge. dovi had only narrowly beaten out iannone in the 'who's going to be fired for our shiny new lorenzo hire' contest of 2016, and really it was supposed to be jorge who was carrying ducati's dreams on his shoulders. but, never mind, they were throwing everything behind dovi now... no stone left unturned

which brings us, of course, to the subject of team orders. this discourse really took off at the penultimate race of the season at sepang, but was already brewing before that - and in phillip island, satellite ducati rider redding had been told early in the race to let dovi past

here from marc at sepang:

dovi had been in great form all weekend at sepang - and with his wet weather prowess being what it was, really there shouldn't have been any need for team orders at all. but he got a sluggish start, and the race unfolded from there... until eventually jorge was in first, dovi was in second and marc in fourth. in those positions, marc would have clinched the title there

and then, jorge got a message on his dashboard. suggested mapping: mapping 8. pit boards and dashboards and all sorts of boards will feature various codes during races, most of them completely innocuous - but of course they are a healthy source of all sorts of conspiracies. the timing of this one was certainly... notable, and speculation immediately started about how it might be a way of telling jorge that he should swap positions with dovi

jorge didn't end up letting dovi pass - it is questionable whether he really would have done so with what would have been his first ducati win on the line. in the end, he made a mistake that let dovi through so that dovi claimed the win anyway, keeping himself in mathematical contention in valencia. and jorge did say afterwards he was keeping dovi's title hopes in mind, kind of

jorge also said he hadn't gotten any message indicating team orders, and of course nobody at ducati confirmed that mapping eight did have anything to do with team orders

for what it's worth, this is what dovi said about their relationship at this stage:

lovely! let's see what the vibes are like a few months later

anyway, onto valencia. this race was pretty boring despite being a title decider, but the jorge/dovi bits were just unequivocally the weekend's most enjoyable aspect and rather nicely spiced up the whole thing. dovi's chances were always slim going in, given he'd have to win the race and marc would have to barely get any points at all... but still, you never know, right? marc could always crash (narrator: he did almost crash). jorge plays coy early in the weekend about the whole 'helping dovi out thing', and basically just started putting in place...? ... very specific conditions...? under which he'd help:

so during the actual race, dovi got stuck behind jorge in p5, with marc ahead of both of them. valencia is traditionally not a fantastic track to overtake at... so even if dovi had been faster, it's not like he'd have an easy time clearing jorge and cracking on. but they were beginning to drift further away from dani in p3 as ducati watched on, increasingly unamused by what was happening - and the tv cameras were of course kind enough to repeatedly show the ducati box looking deeply unamused. again, they went for the good old mapping eight message, which, hey, that could mean anything! they sure did keep showing it to jorge though, almost like he wasn't paying attention to it

eventually, they abandon all subtlety and go for a pit board message that does just straight-up tell jorge to swap positions. jorge kept ignoring the messages, lap after lap, and he never ended up letting dovi past. eventually they both crashed and marc claimed the title with a p3 finish, so it wouldn't have mattered anyway, but... still. the feeling was that this might things rather awkward inside of ducati

publicly, ducati was extremely keen to smooth over the whole controversy, saying they totally weren't mad at jorge blatantly ignoring team orders. jorge had, after all, explained to them (and the media, repeatedly) that he had totally been intending to help dovi by dragging him closer to dani

Giving his take on events, Lorenzo acknowledged that he ignored Ducati’s instruction because he felt Dovizioso’s chances would be boosted by having him directly ahead. “Even looking at this [dashboard] suggestion, I keep pushing until the end, because I knew it was the best thing for me, for Ducati and for Dovi,” said Lorenzo. “I helped him to improve his pace by one or two tenths, to be as close as possible to the first group. My intention was, and it was the case, that we arrive at the first group. If he had the option to win, I would have gone wide and let him pass. But unfortunately it was not like that. Maybe in some corners Dovi was close and I slow down a little bit his pace, but in general terms, having my wheel in front of him made him improve slightly his pace. I helped him stayed closer to the front group. “I knew Dovi was struggling, I knew his pace during all the weekend, and I knew he was making the best pace of the weekend just in the race. It was [because of the] help from my wheel. I’m happy because I was not wrong. If I was wrong and slowing him, I would be very sorry. But it’s not like that, my feeling was true.”

which, you know. is it really that easy to tell how much faster you are than someone who's sitting on your rear tyre? who's to say. dovi did certainly seem rather keen to get past

anyhow, of course there were plenty of fun dramatics post-race:

'our rider ignored team suggestions not team orders' is a great line, fairs. there's plenty more of this from ducati, some excellent spin doctoring - and dovi was extremely magnanimous about what had happened:

the whole thing was pretty undignified from all non-dovi parties, but it was also very funny so who's to say if it was bad or not

(8) runner-up-gate

let's check in on them in 2018, the second and ultimately last year in which they were teammates. remember that 'undermining morale' quote from above? those are from early 2018, after dovi says he wouldn't be surprised to see jorge elsewhere the following season. so, once jorge has complained that dovi had been trying to put him down his entire career, comes this:

so that's something. jorge, dovi and dani have a three-in-one crash in jerez, after which some fingers are pointed but it all remains fairly civil, and a bit later dovi says that jorge's approach doesn't work at ducati:

by the summer break, jorge's results had gotten better, but it was already too late to save the relationship with ducati and they parted ways. anyway, here's dovi and jorge having another go at it:

And while a rough patch for Dovizioso coupled with breakthrough back-to-back wins for Lorenzo in Mugello and Barcelona have now left the pair just three points apart in the standings, Dovizioso refused to back down from his claim when speaking to Spanish sports daily Marca ahead of the upcoming Brno race. “He’s won two races,” Dovizioso said. “Winning two races does not solve the problem of a year and a half. Lorenzo was not signed to win two races. Therefore I do not change my mind.” When the comments were put to Lorenzo, the three-time champion offered an ardent retort, stating that Dovizioso's rhetoric was proof of the claim he'd made back in April. “I'm a bit fed up with this situation, mainly because when I had trouble and he was winning, I was down there applauding,” Lorenzo told Spanish broadcaster Movistar. “What I said in Argentina - and the comments caused a big surprise - you can see that I was right. “He tried to undermine me, or downplay what I achieve or just attack me. As you can see, I wasn't lying. He's still doing it and now he says my method is not good, according to him.” Lorenzo intimated that Dovizioso was in no position to criticise him, as the Italian could do no better than runner-up to Marc Marquez in a 'perfect' 2017 season. He said: “I think my method has not worked too bad in my career. I've won three MotoGP titles and have 46 wins.” “In my second year in Ducati I'm usually faster than him, but maybe I should look at his method closer if in his best season, with everything going perfectly, he was second. Otherwise he's fourth or seventh usually. I'd tell him to leave me to go my way and to focus on his own and everything will be better, because when you have an angry Lorenzo it's usually worse for you.” 

fair to say that by this point the pretence at civility has mostly been dropped. I'm rather fond of the "lorenzo was not signed to win two races" line, though "when you have an angry lorenzo it's usually worse for you" is also really strong stuff. dovi tries to restore a little bit of peace:

Responding in turn to Lorenzo's tirade, Dovizioso sought to play down the conflict. “Jorge has his ideas and I think they are based on particular things. I don't think like him, but it's not a problem,” he told Movistar. “Everybody creates their own ideas based on what they see and how they live. “I don't think he has everything clear in his head about what's happened, but we continue the relationship that we started last year with respect, there's no particular problem. If he thinks this way, that's his problem."

so basically the classic 'idk what he's on about but it's not my problem' approach to attempting to defuse feuds

(9) twitter-gate

there's a few more on-track battles where it's nicely obvious how badly they want to beat each other, with jorge beating marc just ahead of dovi in austria and then dovi beating jorge in brno. jorge's season is increasingly derailed by injuries, which sets the stage for their next big spat:

The row was sparked by Dovizioso's comments to Sky Italia after qualifying at Sepang on Saturday, as he was asked what he thought of Lorenzo having to pull out of the Malaysian GP weekend with injury. "I don't know the details, I don't want to get into this, it's a bit of a strange situation," said Dovizioso."It happens often in Ducati or to certain riders, but I don't understand the details and I don't want to get into it and give my opinion." When it was put to him he was offering 'cryptic words', he added: "I leave things there, it's not my problem."

pretty vague, yeah. but anyway, I'm sure jorge had a proportionate response to this

Dovizioso's comments prompted a series of irate posts from Lorenzo on Twitter, with his first reaction being "Thank you very much @AndreaDovizioso! You are a real gentleman!". In his next post, he went on to call Dovizioso "an exemplary teammate", adding: "You applaud him under the podium when he wins and then... (That's right, he does not give his opinion, it's not his problem)." After that, Lorenzo labelled Dovizioso "envious" and described him as "a world champion... in 125cc."

the podium thing really bothered him, don't you think. their ducati in-fighting follows that general pattern where dovi says something... a little shady, a little ambiguous, where his intentions aren't entirely obvious... at which point jorge goes all in at fighting back and has a go at dovi - often not as much for what dovi is actually saying, but what jorge thinks dovi is implying. which is based on his understanding of dovi, the image of dovi he's built up in his head over the years, so that he is... predisposed to think ill of the intentions of the 'intelligent' dovi who always knows exactly what he's saying

again, dovi tried to downplay the argument, while simultaneously not exhibiting much patience for jorge's stance:

After the Malaysian GP, Dovizioso was asked about Lorenzo's responses to his comments, and the Italian accused his teammate of reading too much into headlines. He said: “Why should I talk to Lorenzo? I do not waste time on these things. He makes the usual mistake of giving too much importance to what is written, even without the context. "I have not pointed my finger at anyone and I have no problem with Jorge."

if I were ducati, I probably would've let the whole thing blow over given jorge was off soon anyway. but they decided the whole thing was so bad they had to organise a peace summit

Asked about the situation, Ducati sporting director Paolo Ciabatti admitted to Motorsport.com that the Bologna marque has already planned to sit its two riders on Tuesday in Milan to make it clear what its priorities are. Ciabatti said: “It is clear that the interests of Ducati come before personal problems between riders. On Tuesday we will be together in Milan, for the EICMA [motorcycle show] and we have in mind to spend half an hour to sit and talk to Jorge and Andrea. "We want to avoid similar things to what happened last weekend. "I understand that these kinds of situations can happen. Sometimes riders get nervous during a Grand Prix weekend and on a rainy day, with tricky conditions, sometimes they say things they shouldn’t have said."

god knows how that turned out

(10) wow, you guys aren't gonna let this go, huh

late 2020 and jorge's career is already over, while dovi's looks like it will be... paused, at the very least. which is always a good time to check in with riders on how they feel about their rivals - if they're still being nasty you know that shit was personal. from december:

some quality petty material here. "I can't understand his somewhat peculiar mind" vs "he was envious of me since 250cc, but I wanted to give our relationship a chance". note too jorge talking again about how generous he had been in the face of dovi's 2017 successes, and how he feels like this was not reciprocated at all. jorge's complaints don't stop there:

merry christmas!

not the only rider jorge has beefed with post-retirement, but compare and contrast with how he really hasn't been doing any of that with some of his biggest career rivals. valentino, marc, dani - sure, he still talks about the controversies he's had with them pretty regularly (to put it lightly), and he's hardly free of complaints... but mostly it's a distinctly nostalgic tone he's adopting with these guys. admittedly, it helps that none of those three have gone out of their way to say anything particularly inflammatory about jorge. still, the absolute lack of any sort of rapprochement with dovi of all people is pretty funny

bonus: that time when jorge skittled all of marc's rivals

you know how in catalunya 2019, jorge took out like? all of marc's major rivals in that era including himself in one go? with half a decade of hindsight, this was kind of hilarious, and it did also feature jorge having to eat a hell of a lot of humble pie and go to the three other blokes to apologise. anyway I have a lovingly assembled set of screenshots of all three of them emoting in their boxes after the incident, all suffering some form of an existential crisis. here is dovi contemplating the bleak realities of our brief lives on this planet:

truly one of the world's least enthusiastic waves

bonus 2: another one for old time's sake

already posted this elsewhere, but this from late 2023 made me laugh

"jorge came to ducati and thought he was going to beat everything, but in the end he didn't" uh huh

[sieglinde-freud]

ok i think im done i think ive finally done it. i have completed the awakening ship chart with the second gen. except for nah sorry nah. yes i do love rarepair hell thanks for asking im never leaving

[street-corner-felines]

Zero Day (2002)