#but so what. men are nostalgic for the 80s ALL THE FUCKING TIME because they were 11 back then.

[livvyofthelake]

i wish there were gay people in the fantasy genre and by this i mean i wish we could bring back early 2000s high fantasy and add gay people. and until this happens i guess i just have to keep pretending heath ledger a knights tale is a lesbian.

[thealmightyemprex]

Top 10 Arnold Schwarzenegger movie

Ah ,Arnold .As a kid with an action loving dad ,I grew up on a steady diet of his flicks .Some are legit great ,some are not ,but they are at least memorable

Also sorry Commando is not on here,cause I dont remember if I have seen all of it

10.Batman and Robin

Hey this is favorite list ,not best .I know this film has been trashed to High Heaven over 25 years .....But damn its got fun moments and one of them is the hilarious miscasting of Arnold as the films villain Mr Freeze .While I do maintain he is miscasted.....Arnold seems to be having fun .It is one of the only times I can think of where you get to see Arnold as a scene chewy villain ,and him hamming it up and making ice puns is kind of a joy to watch

9.Conan the Destroyer

So I wanna save my opponion on Conan the Barbarian for later ,I'll just say I like it a lot and that this films big flaw is it doesnt live up to that first film.....That said I love that this film does its own thing .THis film is basically a D&D campagn with a ragtag group of heroes : big tough barbarian ,a weasly thief ,a kooky wizard ,a badass warrior woman , a princess ,and a token evil teamate who is working for the big bad ,all on a quest where they fight wizards and monsters and so forth . Cast is fun with returning players Arnold and Mako being a ton of fun ,SArah Douglas is a great villain ,but the scene stealer is Grace Jones . Its not perfect but if your in the mood for a quest based fantasy film,this is a fun watch

8.Kindergarten Cop

....OK I might get some shit for not putting this higher ,so I just wanna say its a really good movie. It uses Arnold comedy gifts well ,big tough movie cop being a kindergarten teacher is a hilarious premise , and I like the darker aspects that offset the comedy ....So why dont I have it higher?Honestly its just not a film I seek out .EVery time I have watched it it was because it was on TV or someone else was watching it .I'm also not a comedy person in general and If I do its something either dark or absurd . Will say it is a great movie ,just not one I watch a bunch

7.Last Action Hero

Now this is a movie with a great premise that I wish it did more with ,a kid being sucked into a action movie .It sets up some idea that I wish it went all the way with .That said there are hilarious moment s (ARNOLD AS HAMLET ),a weirdly great cast (Anthony Quinn is in this thats amazing ) ,Arnolds great ,and I actually love the main villain played by Charles Dance ,who is set up as a henchmen before hijacking the main villain role

6.Jingle All The Way

OK let me explain -THis is a nostalgic Christmas movie for me ,and this is my fave Arnold comedy....Kind of BECAUSE it is so weird . You have ARNOLD ,this musclebound action man ,playing a put upon every man ,whose trying to get a toy for his kid and dealing with rageaholic reindeer ,battling a warehouse of con men Santas led by Jim Belushi ,while a lustful Phil Hartman is trying to seduce his wife and it climaxes with him becoming a superhero fighting a psychotic Mailman played by Sinbad .....This film is fucking INSANE .......I LOVE IT .I love the skeevy performance of the late great Phil Hartman and its such a weird mix of ingredients ,I dont know if its GOOD ,but I resally love this insane movie

5.Terminator

I do think this film has aged a bit,i ......But its still really good ,in fact I think that makes it unique. The film has a dingy handmade quality , like you can tell this is an unpolished not high budget film and that makes is so cool .It is also VERY 80's ..Linda Hammilton and Michael Biehn are great but the scene stealer is Arnold as the villain .ONE.OF .THe COOLEST .BAD GUYS .EVER .Arnold is weirdly perfect as a unstoppable killer robot ,and he is aided by the effects work of Stan Winston (I will bring him up a few times )

4,Total Recall

Now we get to the great movies in my oppinion . This film is both really interesting with its sci fi concept and questioning of what is real and what is a simulation .....But its also a fun action romp with one liners and Arnold kicking but galore .Also cant go wrong with Michael Ironside and Ronny Cox as your villains

3.Predator

OK these top 3 are so good I could make them a tie ,but I do have a preference.It starts off as a military action movie with big burly tough guys like Arnold,Bill Duke,Carl Weathers and Jesse Ventura doing macho tough guy things.....And then you realize this is a HORROR film ,and that these big tough action heroes are being hunted as prey by a very terrifying monster . I wish more movies did genre switches like this .It s also a rare Arnold isnt the focus,the real star is monster .I swear it people,The Predator is one of the most intimidating and terrifying villains in Sci Fi and I will give all credit to not only the effects work of Stan Winston but the amazing performance of the late Keven Peter Hall ,who makes possibly the best opponent Arnold has ever faced

2.Terminator 2 Judgement Day

So if I was going by best this might be number one cause.....I cant deny it,this is an action masterpiece .It does what a sequel should and it BUILDS on the first while also being its own film .I think it might be Arn9olds best performance ,the effects both practical and CG are groundbreaking ,the action is heartpounding ,Lind Hamilton is AMAZING and while the Predator is the best villain Arnold has faced ,the T100 is number 2 for me ,theis terrifying shapshifter is just relentless

1.Conan the Barbarian

That said this is my fave . If its sequel is a D&D campagn ......This is an epic poem .The action is grand ,the set design is grand , the MUSIC is one of the best film scores ever ,and the supporting cast includes legends like James Earl Jones,Mako and Max Von Sydow ,and it does all this while telling a timeless tale of revenge .I think ,while he has better performances down the line,this is the best use of Arnold and being one of my favorite fantasy films, I had to give it the top spot

What are your fave Arnold movies

@ariel-seagull-wings @goodanswerfoxmonster @angelixgutz @amalthea9 @the-blue-fairie @princesssarisa @filmcityworld1 @themousefromfantasyland

[somanyerikas]

Nostalgia sells - or does it? About BBC’s rehiring of a previous showrunner for Doctor Who as a marketing strategy

All, right, this is the one where I deal with my issues about RTD’s rehiring from the standpoint of BBC’s business strategy . Brace for passive agression, swearwords, brief history of british television and numbers. So, so many numbers.

Allright, so I already wrote a post about my problem with RTD’s (re)hire from the creative standpoint (it’s here in case you’re interested), but hey, I can bitch about it all I want, but we all know what caused the BBC to make this decision, right? You’ve heard about it for sure. The Dropping Ratings. You’ve read about it on so many posts, lots of them probably oh-so-gladly conflating this fact with their own opinion about the deteriorating quality of the show. (Don’t worry, we’ll get to that.) So Obviously the execs at the Big BBC Quarters needed to do something about it, and what better way to go than rehire a guy who’s run at Doctor Who is a warm childhood memory for so many in it’s fanbase? After all, it’s what we’re seeing nowadays: from Star Wars return to wave of 80′s nostalgia to every old blockbuster star doing a comeback, there is but a single conclusion - nostalgia sells.

Or does it?

Part One: Moving with the change; or very much refusing to.

Let’s start this off with some facts about the ratings for Doctor Who. (Well, I warned you there’s gonna be numbers, didn’t I. Stick with me, I’m going somewhere with this I promise.) In it’s beginnings, in the sixties and seventies , the series flown high, averaging a viewership from 8 up to 10 million viewers per season. Collin Baker’s series 17 brought in a record of 11.21 milion viewer asses in front of a good ol’ TV screen, real champagne opener here. But, as it happens, things were downhill from here. During the eighties, the rating started dropping steadily, reaching an all-time low of 4.15 milion couch-warming bottoms in 1989, the last season of the classic era. 

Years passed, 16 of those years to be exact, and here comes our saviour RTD. Under his wings, the revived series premiered, bringing in over 10 milion viewers to the premiere episode of season 1, Rose. A viewership this high did not last for long, but still, RTD’s seasons averaged between 7 and 8 milion viewers per season, which seemed pretty respectable. But then, as the story likes to repeat itself, not unlike the bbc execs just did, along came the decline again. Ever since 2010, the ratings began steadily dropping again, from 7.95 in 2010 to 5.46 in 2017. Then DW experienced an unexpected peak in 2018 with the premiere of Jodie Whittaker’s first season, which averaged 7.96 viewing asses, but then continued the dropping trend on the next season, averaging 5.40 viewing butts.

So what went wrong?

You see, part of the reason that Doctor Who was bringing in such great viewership numbers in the 60′s and 70′s, was that, to put it simply, BBC did not have much competition. Or, to be exact, only had one competitor. ITV was literally founded in order to break BBC’s monopoly over British television. But in the 80′s, with the launch of Channel 4 and Sky, the british viewers had more and more options to choose from. So logically speaking, they no longer had to watch BBC’s programming just because there was nothing else on. There was more and more new programes to boredom-watch. And here’s something y’all need to know about the tv industry: the boredom-watchers, the casuals? That’s the most important demographic. As hard as it might be to swallow, us hardcore fans, forum dwellers and Ao3 gremlins, we’re not as big of a group as we’d like to think. Loving fans are important to the tv execs as providers of word-of-mouth advertisment, but the real numbers come from the casual, everyday viewer who will just put on the next episode cause the other one was kinda fun I guess. Or more fun than the other options, anyway.

And this is why, by the way, when someone is conflating low viewership with the show Dissapointing The Fans, they’re full of shit. I’m sorry, but we’re really not that much of a force here, definitely not enough to make such a big impact on the numbers. Another factor, that some of you probably noticed already, is that the numbers I’m quoting are from british tv only, while the online fandom is very much international, so our opinions matter even less to the british execs, I’m sorry again, hard pill to swallow I know, but true nonetheless.

But I digress. So, to sum up the previous paragraph, Doctor Who’s viewership decline in the 80′s was the effect of the changing landscape of the TV industry, with which the BBC struggled to come to terms with.

Sound familiar?

Let’s move on to the 2010′s, shall we?

2010 was is actually a good marker of a year to choose, because it marks one important thing that begun a big change in the industry. This was the year in which Netflix expanded their services overseas, from being a DVD rental company to providing VOD services. Over the next decade streaming services grew in importance, from being an add-on to your cable TV that you didn’t really want but they were throwing it in for cheap, to very much self-sustainable media services you might very well buy instead of buying the cable. And if you look at the numbers for Doctor Who viewership declining over the last 10 years, that’s precisely what’s been happening. It’s not that people don’t want to watch Doctor Who on tv, they don’t want to watch tv in general. Do you know what was the most popular channel in Britain this year? Can you guess? Fucking Netflix that’s what. It’s just slowly-yet-steadily ceasing to be the way we use home entertainment anymore. Again, not much to do with the audience approval, because for that matter, let’s see about the specific episodes that saw the spikes in viewership. 

Rose, which i mentioned at the start of it, was for the longest time the unquestionable queen when it comes to viewership, at 10.81 milion. The next episode, The End of the World, pulled in 7.97 - almost 3 millions worth of lost viewer-butts in one week? Is it because it was so much worse than it’s predecessor? No, it simply did not have the smell of Newness, the Event You Must See, and as such brought forth less of the casual viewers who were simply curious about The New Thing. The next season followed the similar formula, peaking at the premiere, when the marketing was at it’s strongest, going down during the season, sometimes rising slightly for the finale, sometimes not. The most popular episodes are, of course, the specials - yet again, the vibe of The Event To Be Seen worked here, but one more thing working to their advantage is they often aired in spaces between seasons, serving as both a long-waited Crumbs of Content for the fans, and the basically stand-alones for the casuals. Do you know what the single most watched episode of revived DW is? No, it’s not Tennant’s goodbye with the role (yeah I know, I thought it had to be that as well). It was Voyage of the Damned, between seasons 3 and 4. The perfect standalone for the casual watcher. And last but not least, you know one more special feature that brought, maybe not as much, but definitely more than expected? The 1996 movie Doctor Who, with 9.08 million. Again, a perfect standalone.

But the standalones aren’t the only way to grab the viewership. The currently-highest viewing non-special episode of DW? The Woman Who Fell to Earth, Jodie Whittaker’s introduction. In 2018 no less, in the year when the streaming was the ruler supreme, this episode brought a whooping 10.96 million buts to the good ol’ TV again. Let me reiterate: this episode brought in more viewers than Rose did in 2005, while having WAY more competition and way less favorable circumstances of release that RTD’s debiut did. Not only that, it managed to bring on some numbers for the entire season as well, not as good of course as the premiere (because again, the Event vibes faded), but still brought a better average than the last six seasons did. (Again, let me reiterate: more than the last SIX seasons. More viewership than any series since 2010, since the Streaming Wars.) So clearly, this must be the way, right? Catering to this Weird New Trend, that saw directors notice there do in fact exist other actors than white men, that surely brought in some profit, even Marvel does it now, right? Out with the old, in with the new!

Part 2 The Deceitful Charm of Nostalgia

Well, it turns out the whole Doing New Things deal didn’t work out that well after all, now did it? The second season penned by Chibbnal averaged 5.40 milion, that’s 2.5 million drop from the previous one! It must mean it didn’t work, right? Well, yes and no. As much as the refreshment of the formula as simple as Let’s Put A Woman In It absolutely worked for one season, it very visibly did not hold up for longer. An Event-Episode is something that can still happen on TV, Event-Series? That’s pretty much reserved for streaming now, if you think about it, and it’s honestly kind of a miracle that Series 11 did as well as it had. Two consecutive Event-Series on network tv? Flat out impossible. 

So how to make those ratings great again? How to get those butts in seats of the Good Ol’? Well, the execs of the BBC have a plan for that. They brought in a devouring beast, and it’s name is: Nostalgia.

Without a doubt, there is a number of people who feel nostalgic about RTD’s era of Doctor Who. It’s a lot of people’s fond childhood memory, or the series they started with, and judging by the numbers, there should be quite a lot of them. So the new plan, as it appears, is to get to those who maybe lost interest in the show and lure them with the promise of the thing That Is Totally Like The Thing You Used To Love, Remember? (This is why I don’t actually think that RTD will be allowed to do anything new and interesting, that’s not what they hired him for. And that’s why I think this is bad from the creative standpoint.) So there are two questions here: One, will the people be lured? And two, for how long?

Nostalgia as a marketing strategy is something that you’re probably sick of seeing already (I know I am). But it has very much been effective on many levels, especially the eighties-baiting, Stranger Things style, can bring a new IP up to relevance. But what about old IP’s that want to have a comeback? 

It’s kind of dificult to find another TV show that I could compare to Doctor Who. Most series that have been running for that long are mostly soap operas, that operate on slightly different rules, and are also targeted to a different audience. So as much as the movie series is still not exactly the best comparison, when I think about a big IP, campy sci-fi, family-oriented (at least in theory) on its path back to relevance, I think about Star Wars, obviously. The Force Awakens gambled on that nostalgic feeling and won big, but the next two movies, while still financially successful, were nowhere near the astounding success of the first one. And that’s because - you guessed it - it created the Event You Must See again, The Great Comeback, but merely two years later, the comeback became old news. So what we can gain from that is that nostalgia can create an Event as well as a new trend, if not better. But the question remains: how long will that last?

That is, after all, the main difference between a movie franchise and a TV series in the traditional, network TV sense of the word: movie franchise must bring in the viewership every year or two, and TV series must bring in viewers every week for at least two months. Is RTD’s Nostalgia Vibes enough to provide for that?

I’ll say this: I’m absolutely certain that the 60th anniversary will be very popular. I still don’t think it will break any records because, as I’ve been trying to explain for this whole post, it is not 2007 anymore no matter how much the tv execs would like it to be. But ironically, the almost-certain success of the special is the very thing that could undermine the effect of bringing their precious Nostagia Boi back onboard. Remember, the first Event Episode is The Big Oof. That’s the one that gets asses to the Good Ol’, if anything ever does. After the first big event one, that’s the point when things start going down. They’re wasting their Special Event Boi for something that already would be an event, dear fucking gods, I hate your plan and I would still execute it better. Either have RTD be the Anniversary Guy and then hire someone new, use that hype and keep it going, OR have RTD come in after the anniversary, then at least you get the Event Effect for the premiere of his first return season. Fukin’ amateurs.

But even if they did that, here’s the thing: do you think that the people who departed from the show years ago actually want to watch another three to five seasons of The RTD Show? I mean, I’m sure the thought warmed some hearts, for sure. A number of people will definitely gladly watch the anniversary, probably the first few episodes of the first return to the basics, but after that? In the world when, due to streaming, they have an easy way to revisit the actual thing they’re nostalgic towards? I honestly don’t think so. And you’re not really gonna get many new people by going back, if that nostalgia factor isn’t there. And then there’s casual viewers, the backbone, as we established. And here’s the thing: lots of those people don’t even know who the current showrunner is, cause they’re not Terminally Online like we are, and the second thing? Lots of those people ARE JUST NOT WATCHING NETWORK TV, IM SORRY GARRY. They’re just. They’re just not. I don’t know how to spell it out better. Even my mum has netflix now. Your biggest base is in another castle mate, gotta get moving and gotta get moving quick, cause here’s another thing: all the nostalgia in the world will not do SHIT for you if your target, people who were kids/teens when the RTD era was airing, PROBABLY DON’T EVEN HAVE A FUCKING TV ANYMORE CAUSE THEY MOVED OUT OF THEIR PARENTS FLAT AND LOTS OF YOUNG PEOPLE JUST DON’T BOTHER. Just. I’m sorry but you’re trying to resuscitate a decade-deceased corpse there buddy. It just won’t work. The times have changed and you gotta swim or drown, and it’s just not gonna be 2005 again, no matter how hard you pretend it is. It’s not your content it’s your business model. Just push more marketing for your iplayer or whatever, focus on streaming as your primary not your secondary cause that’s just what it is now, and maybe don’t rely on the viewer-counting systems of the yesteryear to evaluate your business. Or else you’re gonna get stuck sacrificing the creative growth of your show for a marketing strategy that probably won’t even fucking WORK.

There, I got it of my chest. Feel free to reblog, and also: you somehow got to the end of this, congrats! I’ll make numbers nerds out of y’all yet.

[welcometowcwmondaynitro]

WCW Monday Nitro 09/09/1996

Shit be exploding, so you know what time it is.

Yes sir.

Once again we are not given a location this week, which generally means the town is too small-time for the big shots at WCW to even consider giving a shout out to. My research tells me this broadcast comes from the Columbus Civic Centre in Columbus, Georgia.  

As always we are introduced to our first hour announce team, Schiavone and Zbyszko.

Tony is looking quite smart this evening. Larry as expected has a horrific multcoloured abomination on underneath his jacket. It’s basically his gimmick a this point so whatever. 

They talk about how the balance of power has shifted to the nWo and Larry says Giant is “the biggest traitor since Benedict Arnold”, nice ancient reference there, Larry. We get a recap of last week’s awesome show-ending brawl. 

Once they’re done wrapping this up, Goldberg’s music plays. What? I check my file - yes, definitely 9th September 1996. Has Goldberg time travelled back to 1996 and changed history by debuting early?

Well, either that is one hell of a disguise or no, actually Goldberg’s theme music was first used by this Japanese guy called Pat Tanaka. It’s really weird seeing this random fella walk out to Goldberg’s music. The crowd boo mildly - I guess just because he’s Japanese? I don’t remember there being any storyline reason to boo him, anyway. 

Pat’s opponent is... this.

Looks like a mascot from a early/mid-90s video game brought to life. If this is Super Calo then I am curious as to what regular Calo is like. I am unsure as to what makes this version ‘Super’, but maybe we’ll find out in the upcoming match. Mike Tenay joins the announce crew because it is Calo’s debut and Tenay is the only one likely to know anything about him.

Pat Tanaka vs Super Calo

I was kind of hoping Tanaka would start the match with a spear and then jackhammer Calo into oblivion, but no such luck. 

As one would anticipate from a man dressed like a stereotypical kung-fu master in an 80s movie, Tanaka starts the match off with some kicks.

Calo jumps around pointlessly and then gets kicked in the face. Bants.

Tenay tells us Calo’s name and look comes from the “top rap group” in Mexico. He does not name this group. Confusingly wikipedia claims Calo is named after a Mexican rock group with the same name, but his image is meant to convey a rapper. So, just... what? Also what rapper has ever looked like Super Calo? In Mexico is that how rappers dress? 

Well anyway this odd fellow somersaults over the ropes onto Tanaka outside of the ring. 

The screen then cuts to this.

 Then we’re back to the match. OK then. 

Tanaka hits Calo with a powerbomb, which leads to Tony talking about him being “so schooled in the martial arts”. Yes, because we all know that classic martial arts move the powerbomb. Often followed by a leg drop and a scorpion deathlock. 

The ending to this match is beyond ridiculous. 

First, Tanaka puts Calo onto the top turnbuckle.

Neither man seems to know what is meant to happen next, so they awkwardly wrap their arms around each other.

Tanaka then lifts Calo up like he’s going for an inverse piledriver and falls backwards.

Apparently he knocks himself out, gets pinned, and loses.

What an idiot.

Super Calo defeats Pat Tanaka via Pinfall.

Nothing too super about our friend Calo in this one I’m afraid. His victory came largely because Tanaka is a super dunce.

We got some lads in the front row who are big fans of the classic moustache.

They seem quite pleased that Calo emerged victorious.

Just under seven minutes in and we throw back to Mean Gene in the locker room with Rick Steiner. This should be good.

Shirts hanging out of the lockers behind them, as you do. 

Gene asks Rick Steiner about Nick Patrick’s questionable officiating - referring to the incident last week where Luger was disqualified in seconds for basically nothing. Rick says that he had Luger, and Gene saw it. Total bullshit as the match had barely started, and Gene does point that out. 

Luger walks into the frame as we see last week’s replay. Rick is continually going on about how he was going to win, sounding like a mentally challenged three year old. On the other hand this is a guy who also genuinely thinks he’s a dog, so... I should probably be impressed that he is able to form words and put them into a somewhat coherent structure.

Gene says that Steiner is “a little confused” in the understatement of the century, 

Luger tells Rick that he’s “a great tag team wrestler” but he feels like he has the edge in a singles environment. Rick continues to fail to understand basic english and keeps repeating “I can beat you, ask Sting” and then starts calling for Sting.

Gene then ushers Rick away like an unruly child as Luger walks off as well. Gene says that Luger was alluding that Rick “doesn’t have it upstairs”, pointing to his head. Wow, what a dick. Luger didn’t say anything like that. All he implied was that he was a better singles wrestler than Rick. Not sure where Gene has gotten his interpretation from, but my guess is he just wants to stir the pot as usual.

Next it’s nWo announcement time.

Just the usual t-shirt ad with Nash saying “all proceeds go towards the Ric Flair retirement fund”. Joke’s on him, that fund must have accrued some serious cash before it was finally paid out.

We’re back and...

Somebody buy these poor kids some real nWo t-shirts. 

Where did these people come from? Did they decide to stop by Nitro after a corporate dinner or something? 

Are these pilots in the audience as well? Wtf? Why are all these people coming to the show dressed in their work clothes? Is this a common thing in the States?

Oh, hey, guess what - Glacier debuted. I would say “remember all that hype” but if you’ve been reading this sad collection of nostalgic drivel then you will indeed remember the many Glacier adverts that have been on every Nitro broadcast since May or so. We’re now in September and Glacier finally had his first match... on WCW Pro.

Seriously.

WCW Pro is like... Sunday Night Heat or Velocity in WWE terms. It’s below WCW Saturday Night for fuck’s sake.  Tony calls it “one of the most eagerly anticipated debuts ever” - which is why he made his first appearance on WCW FUCKING PRO. Oh WCW, what are you like?

Larry says Glacier will be “a force to be reckoned with”, which, spoiler alert. turns out to be the opposite.

  Oh good, these two walking charisma vacuums.

And these two lumbering idiots. WCW, the best wrestling on the planet. How could WWF in 1996 find no way to entice people away from Pat Tanaka vs Super Calo and The AFC vs the Nasty Boys? Seriously. It isn’t that difficult. 

The AFC do their usual schtick of singing the Canadian national anthem badly and the crowd get angry because ‘Murica fuck yeah and whatever. The Nasty Boys say “fuck this” and attack the AFC after about 10 seconds of this bullshit, getting the match started.

The Amazing French Canadians Vs The Nasty Boys

You don’t care about this match. I don’t care about this match. Let’s just skip to the end.

Knobbs whacks the eyepatch guy with the flag the AFC brought out. Saggs pins for the win. 

The Nasty Boys defeat The Amazing French Canadians via Pinfall.

Mean Gene comes scurrying out to interview the Nastys, for some reason.

Saggs says everybody has been pointing the finger at the Nasty Boys, accusing them of being with the nWo (can’t imagine anybody really cares but OK, sure). Saggs says the Nasty’s are only worried about the tag titles which are in WCW, ergo they aren’t interested in joining the nWo. Does he not realise that faction affiliation is irrelevent as far as challenging for belts is concerned? I mean, Hogan is literally WCW Heavyweight champion at this point in time. 

Knobbs says that the Nasty’s don’t care about the nWo, they’re in WCW and they’re coming for Harlem Heat to take the tag team titles. Short and to the point, which is fine by me, even if the Nasty’s appear to be under the mistaken impression- that joining the nWo would invalidate them from challenging for the tag titles. 

We’re back from a commercial break to find Scott Norton and Sgt Craig Pittman in the ring.

Sgt Craig Pittman Vs Scott Norton

The commentators bill this as a “hold versus hold” match and I’m not sure what this means, as I was under the impression every match is hold versus hold. But whatever. 

After some back and forth Pittman decides that it’s time to ram his head into Norton’s sternum. 

It looks pretty painful and not especially effective, but Pittman enjoys it so much he does it again. 

They head to the outside of the ring. Norton gets whipped against the guardrail, the entirety of which moves upon impact, but then Norton regains control by slamming Pittman’s shoulder into the ring post. 

Norton locks in the armbar but the Sarge will not give up. Long gets onto the ring apron to beg Pittman to give in, but he won’t. WCW, for reasons beyond my understanding, is very careful about protecting Sgt. Craig Pittman. He never gets pushed, as far as I remember, but this man WILL NOT QUIT.

Then... 

Ice Train wanders out wearing this abomination. Seriously - what the fuck? It’s like a demin vest with a backpack built in. It’s something you would expect to see an eight-year old girl in the mid-90s wearing over the top of a t-shirt or something. What clothing brand figured that this design was suitable for huge, beefy dudes? I don’t know, but they clearly have a customer in Ice Train.

Train throws in the towel for Pittman.  

Scott Norton defeats Sgt. Craig Pittman via Forfeit. 

He enters the ring and stares down at Norton, who is looking at Train’s vest top and moobs like “dafuq?”

The two former amigos have a staredown which doesn’t lead anywhere. 

Pepboys Power Pin of the Week is a submission. Go figure.

We head to the locker room where Gene-o is with Ric Flair, Arn Anderson and Lex Luger.

Three of these men are dressed appropriately. The other is Lex Luger.

Apparently Sting is supposed to be a part of this interview as well but is nowhere to be found. Luger assures Flair & Arn that Sting is in the building, but the Horsemen are having none of it and are concerned that Sting doesn’t have his head in the game. Flair starts going crazy and practically flings himself into an alternate dimension with his erratic movements.

Like a jet propeller is being put directly in front of his face.

Anyway eventually these two sad sacks come lumbering in...

Mongo looks like he’s about to explode, whilst Benoit as usual appears barely awake. Mongo yells about not being able to count on Luger and Sting. Luger reiterates that Sting is in the building somewhere, he’s just not around for the interview. The Horsemen do seem overly paranoid here - how hard would it be to track Sting down and talk to him if they are this pissed off? 

Arn says he’s called ahead to Winston, Salem (where Fall Brawl/War Games is being held) to pre-book himself a hospital room as he assumes he’s going to need one. Seems like a somewhat pessimistic thing to do, but is it even possible to pre-book hospital room? Arn is talking like he’s booked a hotel room for the night. Strange lad. He also suggests Hogan uses battery acid to burn out his eyes which... I mean, don’t give the guy ideas, Arn.  

Interview ends with everybody talking over each other and Flair wooing a lot - so, the same as most Horsemen interviews.

People in the crowd are holding these signs which say “nWo - you haven’t seen bad... but it’s coming!” - indeed, Hogan Vs Piper is coming.

We get a recap of this thrilling DDP/Eddie/Chavo storyline which nobody cares about, but why this is recapped is beyond me as the next match has nothing to do with any of those three. 

Instead, out comes “the desparado” himself, Joe Gomez.

Somebody throws a wad of paper at him as he enters. Obviously not a fan.

His opponent is Juventud Guerrera,  who Tony repeatedly refers to as Juventud Guerrero. 

As Juvi enters he runs past these ladies, who appear both baffled and unimpressed with him.

Cold.

Joe Gomez Vs Juventud Guerrera

The match starts off okay, but descends into disaster fairly quickly as Juvi starts trying various lucha things which poor Joe is clearly not comfortable with. First Juvi stands on the apron, jumps onto the ropes as Gomez slowly walks towards him and does this...

It’s clear from this angle alone that there is no way in hell Juvi is going to reach Gomez. In fairness to WCW they switch camera angle just in time to make it look slightly less terrible, although I imagine it was more down to luck than skill. Nonetheless Gomez at least tries to sell the move, falling backwards theatrically.

Weeee! Points for effort if not execution. 

This happens next, and thanks to Uproxx “Best and Worst of WCW Monday Nitro” series (check it out, it’s great) I have a GIF to put into pictures what I would struggle to put into words.

Speaks for itself.

After this Juvi seems to want to go for a hurricanrana from the top turnbuckle but I‘m not sure if they botch this as well or it was the plan, but Juvi ends up backflipping away from the turnbuckle and then catching Gomez with a weak looking dropkick as he jumps towards Juvi.

Juvi just about manages to hit the finishing move...

But even that looks a little bit dodgy. At least Joe just had to lay there for this one. Ref counts to three and mercifully this one is over. Not sure if Gomez or Juvi are to blame for this shitshow, but either way I advise never putting them together again.

Juventud Guerrera defeats Joe Gomez via Pinfall.

For some reason Mean Gene is on the ramp to interview Nick Patrick. Oh good, more of this storyline.

Before they start the interview though, as Juventud walks past Gene and Patrick, Gene says “very good match there on the part of Juventud Guerrera”, then gives Juvi a disdainful look and mutters “guy just kind of... wanders around here”. LOL. Why is Gene throwing shade at poor Juvi? “Guy just wanders around here”, like he’s a lost child or something. I guess Gene is still salty about the interview with Juvi that went wrong a couple of weeks ago, but come on, that was hardly Juvi’s fault. Obvious Gene is still holding a grudge though. 

I don’t think anybody really wants to hear from these two ballbags but here we are anyway. 

Gene is accusing Patrick of making too many controversial calls for it to just be coincidence, whilst Patrick is accusing Gene of being a shit-stirring cock cheese who needs to get a life. Neither are lying but nobody really cares either. What is funny is that Okerlund is very haughty and dismissive of Patrick - until Patrick threatens to take Gene to court - at which point Gene stutters “well I-I hope that doesn’t happen” before saying “thank you very much Nick Patrick, sir, thank you” to Patrick as he walks off. Pathetic. 

Meanwhile Hogan, Hall, Nash and the Giant are outside in the pouring rain putting those nWo flyers with the “you haven’t seen bad... but it’s coming” slogan on random cars. This seems like a total waste of time as by the time the car owners get back to their vehicles the rain would probably have destroyed those flyers anyway.  Do these guys really have nothing better to do? Tony tells us the nWo are “literally” in the parking lot - as opposed to what, being there in spirit?

Ted DiBiase is the smartest of the lot as he 1) has an umbrella and 2) isn’t wasting his time putting up useless flyers in the pouring rain. He’s talking to somebody in the car, and the announcers are shitting themselves as to who it might be, as they tend to do. For all they know DiBiase might just be talking to the driver. 

“HERE’S A STORY OF TWO BROTHERS, RICK AND SCOTT!”

Just Rick tonight. He comes out doing that sad half-bark he does whenever something is troubling him. 

His opponent, of course, is Flexy Lexy.

Rick Steiner Vs Lex Luger

These two are not exactly known as ‘ring generals’ so I am not expecting a classic here. Let’s see, though. Perhaps we will all be pleasantly surprised. 

After various arm drags, headlocks, shoulder blocks, and so on, this happens.

Uh...

Yeah. Rick is basically molesting Luger in the ring and keeps this up for a disturbing amount of time. I guess it’s meant to show his amateur wrestling background but it basically just looks like sexual assault. Rick’s hands are going to places they really should not. 

Hour two begins with the usual fireworks. Bischoff, Heenan and Tenay come in on commentary for the rest of the show. 

Rick hits Luger with a nice powerslam, and Randy Anderson cannot bear to watch the impact. The crowd bark their approval which, personally, I don’t think is helpful. Rick’s clinical lycanthropy is only going to get worse if people bark at him when he does something good. Or bark at him in general, really.

More cuddling. Back away, Rick. Even Randy Anderson is telling him to cut it out at this point.

Luger takes control with a powerslam and signals for the rack. However, before he can attempt his finishing move...

This dicksplash comes running out waving his arms around. Looks like he’s doing the sieg heil there but fairly sure it’s just the timing of the screenshot.

Anyhow, Patrick tells Luger to follow him out the back, yelling something about the nWo beating up Sting.

Considering Patrick’s recent behaviour, Lex, it might not be wise to...

OK. Never mind. Of course Luger goes running after Patrick, abandoning the match entirely and getting himself counted out. 

Everyone looking towards the entrance way like “where’s he going?” 

Rick Steiner defeats Lex Luger via Countout.

We get a shot of DiBiase talking to the mystery man in the limo. Sting’s voice is heard but it is blatantly piped in from some other promo. He says he’s “tired of the DTA stuff, don’t trust anybody”, so I guess he’s not a fan of Stone Cold Steve Austin. DiBiase pretends to talk to the pre-taped Sting voice until Lex shows up.

A guy who is clearly not Sting gets out of the limo and starts beating up Luger whilst Bischoff screams “NO! NO!”

I have the advantage of hindsight and my monitor is probably bigger than most people’s TVs back in 1996... but still, it’s really obviously not Sting. Were people genuinely fooled by this? 

The nWo along with “Sting” beat Luger down and leave him laying in a broken heap in the rain...

It has not been a good night for Luger. First he got yelled at by the Horsemen, then he spent ten minutes getting inappropriately touched by Rick Steiner during their match, then he gets smacked around by the nWo and left on the ground in the pouring rain. Bad times for sure. Although if you’re stupid enough to follow Nick Patrick anywhere... 

Luger does manage to get back up but ends up just kind of wandering around in the rain looking confused whilst the nWo flee, leaving the limos parked outside the building.

These bois are not impressed by what they have just seen. Tenay looks like a dad who is about to grab his belt and put a whippin’ on somebody. Bischoff is indignant. Heenan wears the expression of a man who was just forced to sit through every Raw from 2015. Pure torture. 

Bischoff says he has an update which is literally “we don’t know where [the nWo] are. I’m sorry. I don’t know”. Well thanks for that. Very helpful. 

We get a long recap of last week’s angle including more footage of the amazing all-out brawl that ended the show. Then we get another nWo advert for their t-shirt. 

A bunch of random jobbers are outside with Luger and Rick Steiner milling around the limo yelling out “DIBIASE!” - as if he’ll just pop up and be like “sup bois?” - pointless endeavour. Rick Steiner is the only one smart enough to bring an umbrella outside. Let that one sink in. Luger chucks a bunch of stuff out of one of the limos onto the floor which seems unnecessary. 

Out comes pre-Flock Billy Kidman. The commentators could not care less, just droning on about Sting’s supposed “defection”. 

The other combatant in this contest is Cruiserweight champion Rey Mysterio Jr.

Rey Mysterio Jr Vs Billy Kidman

The announcers spend the entire match in ‘sad voice’, like their dogs have all collectively died. It’s really annoying.

The match spills to the outside very quickly. Rey gets the advantage and rolls Kidman back in. He attempts to jump off the ropes from the apron, but Kidman knows what’s coming and meets Rey with a dropkick to the chest.

Kidman slams Rey in the centre of the ring, runs over to the turnbuckle and leaps off.

Just a two count though. Rey wins the match soon after this by flipping off the ropes onto Kidman.

It looks weak but whatever. This wasn’t anything special.

Rey Mysterio defeats Billy Kidman via Pinfall.

We come back from a commercial and the Dungeon’s of Doom’s “music” is playing, and I put that in inverted commas because it isn’t really music, just a pseudo-creepy OTT villainous laugh accompanied by some kind of chant. Whatever. Normally any sign of the Dungeon is enough to make me want to hang my head in despair, however!

If Meng is involved, it might be somewhat entertaining. Just to note those aren’t two random arms sprouting out of Meng’s shoulders – the Barbarian is behind him.

The announcers are still going on about how tragic Sting’s supposed betrayal is – and Bischoff apologises for “not giving Rey Mysterio the attention he deserves in his match”. I mean, kind of tough to take that apology seriously considering how often this has happened and will continue to happen until Nitro goes out of existence. It is the only time I can recall any commentator in WCW actually apologising for the routine ignoring of the cruiserweights in favour of talking about/complaining about the nWo, though.

These two are the opponents. Yeah, Public Enemy, they definitely deserve that pyro. Sure. Look at them waving their hands in the air like they just don’t care.

By the way, the commentators are still going on about Sting. I wonder if we’ll get another apology for ignoring this match as well? Not that I’d necessarily blame them here.

Some diehard wrestling fans here. I think we saw them previously – seemingly someone in production has taken a liking to these ladies. They look like they got lost on their way to a PTA meeting, but fuck it, might as well enjoy themselves now. Watch out for the dude behind you though, ladies. That smile worries me a little.

The Faces of Fear Vs Public Enemy

We go to a commercial break, and as soon as we come back Bischoff says “I hate to keep repeating this, but apparently Sting has joined forces with the nWo”. Bullshit, if you hated it that much you’d have shut up about it by now. I mean, jeez, we get it.

This contest is just a brawl, as you’d expect. Not exactly a match for the ages, but all of a sudden, randomly…

This dude on the left appears and begins running/skipping around the ring.

The fuck? It’s like Rockstar Spud’s demented uncle or something. 

He briefly chases Jimmy Hart, then just… vanishes? Oh, and by the way, the commentators make no mention of this. They do not acknowledge this at all. Why? Because they’re talking about everything except the match itself. Literally, I’m not kidding, it’s like this match is not happening. It’s like listening to a radio show or a podcast spliced together with unrelated WCW footage.

Wait, what? What’s happening now? The match is ongoing and they just cut to the back. Judging from the faces of these lads you’d think someone died. It’s a sombre scene to say the least – but seriously, why even have the match in the ring? What’s the point? The commentators are acting like it isn’t happening and we cut to an interview as the match is happening. Bischoff doesn’t even note that we’ve cut away from a match in progress, he just says “take it away Gene”, like this is totally normal. Whatever, I guess. It’s not like I’m desperate to see the Faces of Fear versus Public Enemy, but what a bizarre way to structure… everything.

Gene asks Arn to explain what happened in the parking lot earlier. Seemed quite self-explanatory to me and the commentators have not stopped talking about it since it happened, so the viewers really don’t need any extra information.  

Arn says he doesn’t give a shit about Luger losing a friend, or that he’s lost a team mate, he’s just shocked. He brings up Sting’s loyalty to WCW.

They actually move to a split-screen here – I guess someone in the production truck remembered there is actually a match going on. It wouldn’t be fair to deprive the dozens of Faces of Fear/Public Enemy fans the chance to see their favourite grapplers go at it.

Anyway, Arn says he has a sick feeling in his stomach, he’s shocked, and he’s out of words. He’s said quite a few already, though, so not really.

Flair stands there with his arms folded, eyeing the audience like a disappointed father.

Luger says he doesn’t have any answers, and that his “best friend in the whole world” stabbed him in the back. He then says he knows where Sting lives and where he works out, and he’s going to go and find him “right now”. Sounds like Lex is planning to murk Sting. However, he should keep in mind this is a guy who only last week tried to murder somebody by chucking a rock through the window of a limo, then stole a police car. Come to think of it, I’m not sure why Sting isn’t in jail. Regardless, I wouldn’t be chasing after him without a good plan.

Flair screams that he’s “sick of it” and just generally yells about how they’re going to beat up the nWo at War Games (including Sting). Arn says “it’s a fight to the death – yours, not ours”. I suppose that was worth emphasising? Also Arn has a tendency to see these matches as ending in death, even though it never comes close to that.

We return to the Faces of Fear/Public Enemy match. By “we” I mean the audience – the commentators are still talking about War Games. I genuinely don’t think they have said anything about the match – oh, wait a minute, Bischoff does mention the match, finally. Although he says the teams are “literally fighting for their lives” which is not exactly accurate. What is up with these people thinking matches are going to end so tragically?

Anyway, the brawling continues for a while and eventually, somehow, Rocco Rock ends up lying on a table. Barbarian heads for the top turnbuckle.

Guys, I don’t foresee this ending well. Seriously, what is the absolute best result of this? Rocco (who can clearly see Barbarian on the turnbuckle) for some reason lays there and lets Barbarian jump on him. It’ll be brutal for both. Or, Rocco moves and Barbarian crashes through the table. Either way Barbarian doesn’t win in this scenario.

Uh oh. Jimmy Hart is absolutely useless at holding Rocco down, kicked away like an insect as Rocco sits up.

That is a fucking sick bump. It’s funny because Barbarian barely takes any serious bumps at all, on Nitro at least, then he decides to say fuck it and leaps to the concrete through a table because YOLO I guess?

Well anyway he dead. Rocco brings a second table into the ring.

Looks pretty old. Nick Patrick wags his finger in disapproval, but incredibly that isn’t enough to persuade Public Enemy to stop. They lay Meng on the table, then Rocco goes to the top turnbuckle for a moonsault…

He almost misses the table entirely, only catching Meng with his legs. The table is weak enough that it breaks despite the soft contact.

You’d think that would be the spot that ends the match, but no. Meng gets up like nothing happened and starts brawling with Rocco again. Barbarian is also somehow revived and back in the ring fighting with Grunge. This is weird because the outside table spot with Barbarian getting wiped out, and then Meng getting put through the table by Rocco’s moonsault, felt like the end sequence of the match. Now it’s like we’re back at the start again. Keep in mind the match has been going for about 10 minutes now. That’s at least 7 minutes longer than is ideal for these teams, really.

Whilst Rocco and Barbarian are hugging it out in the corner, Meng puts the Tongan Death Grip on Grunge and now this one is over.

No explanation as to what the fuck was going on with that random ginger guy running around the ring earlier by the way. Oh well. During the replay Heenan accidentally calls Meng “Haku” and then goes silent immediately. Oops.

The Faces of Fear defeat Public Enemy via Pinfall.

Suddenly Okerlund appears at ringside, accompanied by the Dungeon of Doom.

Maxx, Jimmy Hart, Big Bubba, Gene, Kevin Sullivan, Hugh Morrus and Konnan. To quote Rufus from Final Fantasy 7 – “what a crew”.

Sullivan is no longer painting his face with those stupid markings, but for some reason is now wearing a white headband. Does he think he’s the Karate Kid now?

He also starts making this derp face - and this isn’t just a screen grab catching an awkward expression momentarily, he’s making this face on purpose.

For some reason we go to Jimmy Hart first, who tells the Giant “it’s the beginning of the end for you, you just don’t know it yet”. I’m sure he’s quaking in his boots.  

Big Bubba then rants about Glacier, talking about him saying he’s coming for “6 or 7 months” and asking if he’s not debuting because he’s afraid. Slight exaggeration on the 6 or 7 months from Bubba, but to be fair it does feel like those vignettes have been running for at least that long. Bubba actually doesn’t seem to be aware that Glacier debuted on WCW Pro, but it’s WCW Pro, so... understandable. Bubba calls the Dungeon of Doom “the masters of intimidation”…

What he means is that Meng is the master of intimidation. The others aren’t exactly adding much to the equation. Maxx is standing off to the side looking distinctly unimpressed by the entire thing.

With that said, bored does seem to be his default expression regardless of what is happening. I imagine he’d have the same expression even if Bubba was in the process of sprouting three heads whilst doing a kossack dance.

After calling Gene “homes”, Konnan calls Sullivan a “hardened veterano”. He then says Sullivan has seen and led gang wars from coast to coast.

Yes, Kevin Sullivan wearing that silly white headband is exactly what I think of when I think of leaders of gang wars. Sullivan’s ‘wut?’ expression here says it all. I’m not sure you can call the Dungeon of Doom/Alliance to End Hulkamania Versus Hogan and Macho Man a “gang war”. I’m not sure two people can even constitute a gang. Also Sullivan may be worried Konnan is unintentionally (?) implicating him in genuine gang wars… which probably isn’t in the Taskmaster’s best interests.

Konnan challenges the nWo to come out and confront the Dungeon, who he calls “the toughest set”. Yeah, sure. The challenge is not accepted, because the nWo are for sure terrified of a “gang” featuring the likes of Maxx, Kevin Sullivan, Big Bubba and Hugh Morrus.

Sullivan says that Savage thinks he’ll owe the Dungeon “a debt” for carrying him out from the ring last week. I doubt it in all honesty – maybe if they’d actually done something to help him before he’d been beaten down and spraypainted. Carrying him out after the fact didn’t really help much.

Anyhow, Sullivan says Savage can repay this fictional debt by first beating John Tenta, because why not I guess, and then by getting rid of the Giant. That doesn’t really seem like a balanced deal. We carry you backstage after you’ve been beaten up, you make it even by beating John Tenta and the Giant. Hmmm.

Time for some nWo propaganda.

Hogan tells us that they “aren’t here for a stinkin’ reason” – directly contradicting Nash and Hall, who had previously made it clear they’d come in specifically to take over WCW. He then randomly says “we’ve got our boss with us” and points to Ted DiBiase, who’s sitting in a chair behind them.

Homely. DiBiase looks like he’s being held prisoner, but whatever. Hogan says DiBiase makes Ted Turner look like a “pauper”. Honestly I could try to recap this whole thing but it’s really just a bunch of random sound bytes ripping on WCW for the most part. They talk about wanting “their own tag team tournament” for some reason. They also want a segment (on Nitro, presumably) where they can “highlight” their talent. What they actually mean is a segment highlighting Hogan, as we’ll discover going forward. Scott Hall says “nWo 4 life” with the hand sign (might be the first instance of this?) and they all end the segment laughing like it was an amazing joke.

I was a satellite dish owner back then – or rather, my parents were - but no WCW PPVs in the UK, sadly. We only got a butchered hour-long version of Nitro on TNT UK during 1996 & 1997. I didn’t find out that I’d been watching an edited version of the show until many years later. At least now I can sit back and relive the glory of the Faces of Fear Vs Public…. eh, maybe TNT UK were doing us a favour after all.

Back with your bois at the announce desk. Tenay once again has that “stern dad” look, whilst Heenan seems to be whimsically remembering something from years gone by. Take a guess as to what Bischoff is talking about?

A)     The upcoming main event

B)     Meltzer being wrong about everything

C)     Blue Chew

D)     Sting’s betrayal

If you’ve been following along thus far, you’ll know the answer. The lad does genuinely hate big Dave though, and loves that Blue Chew. Come to think of it, what is the main event? I can’t even remember. Sting’s supposed betrayal has been hammered into my brain so many fucking times at this point I can barely conceive of any other event occurring at any wrestling show.

Chris Jericho’s music plays, but…

It’s John Tenta? Still got that stupid haircut by the way. Seriously, fish man, you’ve made your point. Get that shaved.

But yeah, I’m confused here. I thought Jericho was coming out. But hold on, that’s Jericho’s second theme, “One Crazed Anarchist”, aka the Pearl Jam ripoff, not the one he’s using at this point in WCW, which I believe is the Journey ripoff. So John Tenta is in fact the OG “One Crazed Anarchist”. For the record, the theme suits Jericho far more than it suits the former Shark.

As he comes out Tenta says “Savage, you’re not putting me down”. You think so, John?

What exactly has that guy in the hat been up to? That is not the look of an innocent person.

Ohhh yeahhh, it’s the Macho Man. The commentators are pretending that the result of the match is in any doubt, which I suppose they have to do.

John “anti-fish” Tenta Vs “Macho Man” Randy Savage

Savage storms to the ring, but that turns out to be a bad idea as Tenta stomps on the Macho Man’s back as he slides in and then clobbers him with a forearm to the back.

Bad strategy, Macho. Tenta’s moobs though… whoa.

That’s an interesting choice of attire for a wrestling event, madam.

Tenta works over Savage in the corner for a bit. Savage then begins to make a comeback, before for some reason attempting to slam Tenta…

Goes about as well as you’d expect. Macho really needs to work on his strategy.

Bischoff actually specifically says here that Heenan accidentally referred to Meng as “Haku” earlier and wants to make it clear Meng now works for WCW and not the WWF. I guess they were really taking this kind of thing seriously due to the lawsuits flying around at this point in history. Funny though, as you hear these kinds of slip-ups all the time. I mean, if TNA or AEW were sued for every time a commentator accidentally used a competitor’s ex-WWE name there would need to be a legal department created specifically just to deal with the fucking volume. At least Heenan didn’t call it “WWF Nitro”.

Tenta hits Macho with a decent looking drop kick – quite impressive considering his weight. Outside of the ring Savage hits Tenta with a steel chair…

He isn’t disqualified because…? He whacks Tenta twice more with a chair. This is not a no-DQ match, but it is WCW, so fuck the rules unless we need them for storyline purposes, right?

Flying elbow drop!

Macho goes up for a second, but then Teddy Long comes to ringside yelling “Macho!” – what could the so-called “godfather” want with Savage? Also where’s my man Ice Train at? Come to think of it, I just remembered what he was wearing earlier… best for him to stay backstage.

Savage still hits the second elbow drop. Long is gesticulating wildly at Savage and yelling something about the nWo. Savage leaps over the top rope with nice agility.

But before we go any further…

Son, I am disappoint. I can’t even say “A for effort” because that is the lowest tier of effort.

Anyway, Savage follows Teddy to the outside of the arena where Teddy announces “YOU GONNA GO ONE-ON-ONE WITH THE UNDERTAKER PLAYA!”

Actually, they run towards a limo.              

The limo drives off as soon as Savage approaches it. What was the point of that?

Flair and Mongo randomly appear as the limo drives away.

There’s another limo there, but only a box of spraypaint inside it. There are a ton of WCW guys out there now – the Horsemen, the Dungeon, Public Enemy, Juvi, Super Calo, Savage… basically everyone who was on TV tonight. They start spraypainting “WCW” on the limo windows… or rather, they try to. Due to the fact it’s been raining and everywhere is wet it ends up just looking like a green smudge. As an aside, if that is in fact not an nWo limo, somebody is going to be in for a surprise.  

For some reason the commentators are all standing up. Tenay is looking more evil every time he’s on camera. It’s like he wants to reach through the camera and strangle each and every viewer.

Seriously though, he is repeatedly making a “pissed-off dad” face.

“Dad, I borrowed your car…”

“Um… and… I got a speeding ticket…”

“And there’s a dent on the front as I kinda sorta knocked over the mailbox…”

Grounded forever.

Anyway, once they all sit back down Heenan goes on a rant about the nWo which concludes with “if we don’t stop them now then they can’t be stopped”. If only you could glimpse into the future and nWo 2000, Bobby.

Oh, by the way, I guess John Tenta won the match against Savage by count out? It wasn’t announced or shown, but Savage jumped out of the ring and never returned, so…

John Tenta defeats “Macho Man” Randy Savage via Countout.

I guess Tenta was right, Savage didn’t put him down after all. Score one for the fish hating weirdo.

Double A suddenly appears on set. Heenan gives Arn his headset. Can’t help but think it’d be better for Anderson to be in the ring with a mic, as the fans in the arena can’t hear any of this… but whatever.

Arn says that the world is “in shock” and “outraged”. The world is probably a bit of a stretch, but OK. Flair turns up as Arn is talking, as do Benoit and Mongo. Arn says that this all began ten years ago with the original Horsemen, and that they paved the way and showed the nWo how to do it. Technically true. Arn says the nWo want to be the Horsemen “when they grow up”.

Tenay continuing to give that evil stare, even at Arn. Bischoff looks kind of sad.

As an aside, I may have mentioned it before, but I really like this shirt design:

Bischoff begins talking about making mistakes, but Flair interrupts him. Flair screams so loudly that the headset seems to take some damage as the volume decreases slightly. Flair explains War Games – although if you don’t know what it is by this point then what have you been doing with your life? – and says Hogan won’t leave War Games alive. Spoiler alert: he does.

Bischoff then talks about how maybe bringing Hogan in to WCW was “a mistake” and that the Horsemen “haven’t been given their just due”. The same exact sentence could have been said in 2000 and been even more relevant.

WCW then ends the show with a replay of Luger getting beaten up by “Sting” and the nWo. I’m sure he appreciates that. A good thing they reminded us, as I think a whole ten seconds passed at the end there without mention of Sting’s betrayal and my memory had started to go hazy.

[honeyjaez]

I just finished Me&7Men, wrapping up the last month of victon marathoning I have been doing since becoming an Alice.

I have so many feelings now that it’s over and I just kinda need to get them off my chest if that’s alright.

Also I’m listening to Seungsik’a cover songs as we speak so rip my emotional instability.

But here we go.

To say I love Victon is an understatement. I’ve never fallen for a group as wholesome and beautiful as Victon.

The 10 episode series, leading up to their debut , as well as the many series’ I watched about them after only cemented that idea.

Also, I’ve never been more upset and pissed at myself for waiting so long to get into a group before. They deadass have been around, breathing and making music since 2016 and I fucking waited until 2020 to learn about them?????? The fucking clownery man. 🤡

I’m trying to find the words to say what they mean to me without just saying “I fucking love them” over and over again but for someone who isn’t good at writing her feelings out, I wanna try.

Like do you guys all have that one group where you kinda saw on the sidelines of your favs but never paid much attention to them? And then you finally get into them and you are like “holy fuck this is my group. Why did I not get into them sooner?”

That’s me with Victon.

I’ve causally listened to Victon for a few years. I think my first title track I remember checking out was Time of Sorrow, and that was a causal one time listen, but on iTunes and sometimes listen to it. (I really liked remember me, but again, same sort of deal)

I knew about Seungwoo from PX101, but that was it. Nothing passed that. I thought to myself during X1’s debut that I would learn more about him but I never did.

I LOVED Nostalgic Night. Like that was such a good song! But again, never looked into them as a group.

In January I remember watching a video of Subin performing 7rings and again I thought “Hmm I should learn more about them” BUT GUESS WHAT. I NEVER DID.

I kept putting it off for some idiotic reason.

Maybe it was because the whole mess that was PX101. I truly felt bad for every member. I went through the sadness of Nu’est being separated and didn’t want to deal with another group like that idk.

But then X1 disbanded, and I was so distraught. I truly felt bad for every single member especially Seungwoo who was their leader.

I remember hearing rumors back in Time of Sorrow era that Victon was rumored to disband if they didn’t gain more fans. And also remember how Hanse said the only reason the remaining 6 members were able to stand together on a stage still was because of Byungchan and Seungwoo going on PX101. That alone sent my heart melting.

Hell. I spent nearly 80 minutes randomly one night after getting into them ranting to my friends about just how much I loved them.

Which is funny, because I’ve never once done that before, for any of my groups including Seventeen and Stray Kids. Like....there are some groups you get whipped for because they are cute/ energetic/ can do awesome things and that’s amazing!

But there are also those groups you connect with on an emotional level. They may not be as exciting.... but god fucking damn. It’s only been a month and a half and I would drop half of the groups I already listen to for them if i had to pick one.

They have only worked so fucking hard for a life of their dreams. Those boys....they have struggled so fucking much. But they aren’t in it to be the best and most well known group.

They do it to make the world a better place with their music, and together even more so.

I just want to love them so much. I want to suppor them so much. I want nothing but their happiness and smiles until the end of time.

Holy fuck like....the whippedness is bad.

The video, back when it was just the 6 of them and Seungwoo was still prompting with X1, he left them a message at their concert.

IMMEDIATELY they broke down in tears as the left him messages. Mind you, this might have been my fifth video ever of victon?

Still, for it being so early on in my victon relationship I still balled like a baby. Because you could see in this single video just how much Seungwoo meant to them.

Dude...fucking Sejun’s broke me.

LIKE. THE FEELS.

AT this point I’ve already decided to sell my soul for them.

Suddenly, my heart can only think of them. The whole fucking video taught me that if nothing else, these men just want to stay together. As Seungsik calls them, they are his love and family.

Like I can’t fucking put it into words. But the love they all had for their leader was insane. A lot of kpop groups aren’t that close. A lot of other groups don’t love everyone as much as Victon loves eachother and holy shit.

They don’t care about charts.

They don’t care about being the best.

They just want to be together on stage.

Holy fucking shit. Like I’m now on this train till the end.

It’s not just their music that is beautiful, it’s their very exsistences, their very beings.

They make the world a better place. Not just because of their music, but because of themselves, because of their souls, because of their hearts. The world is indeed a better place because Han Seungwoo, Kang Seungsik, Heo Chan, Lim Sejun, Do Hanse, Choi Byungchan, and Jung Subin live on it.

Everything about them is like a ray of light in this shitty ass place. Not to mention they are funny as fuck.

This probably made no fucking sense because I ramble but just know that I would do anything for them.

They have my heart in every sense of the word.

K byeeeeeee

[joxhawkins]

☆★ [ richard madden + he / him + cismale ] ☆★ did you know that [ joshua hawkins ] has lived in erie for [ nineteen years ] now? the [ 28 ] year old [ musician / dj ] is known to be [ loyal ], yet [ immature ]. which is fitting considering they are a/an [ sagittarius ]. whenever they pass by on the street, i can hear [ say my name by zyra ] blasting through their headphones. they remind me of [ gummy candies, vintage videogames, glittery nail polish ], and it really wouldn’t be erie without them!

trigger warnings: drugs, overdose.

call him jox, josh, j-hawk, jojo, joshkosh b’gosh, joshy.......tbh all the nicknames !!!!

@acedarley​​‘s brother, the only biological child of gil and beverly hawkins. he was three years old when they adopted ace and though they got off on a rocky start, he would literally die for her ok he considers ace as one of his bestest friends even tho he’s a lil shit to her sometimes (most of the time).

originally from detroit, but his family moved to erie when he was 9 and ace was 16.

diagnosed with adhd as a kid, and after trying several classes and sports and whatnot that he begged his parents to enroll him to, he was able to discover a love for music. fun fact: he can play 7 instruments.

attended carnegie mellon where he majored in instrumental performance (focusing on the violin) minoring in music technology. while his major gave him classical training, it was his minor that allowed him to experiment with the medium and format and that’s what led him to trying out electronic music.

he started posting his own music on soundcloud for which he gained a bit of following. he’d post stuff like THIS but then started leaning more towards a more pop sound.

he was easily able to launch his music career after college, mostly playing in clubs in new york, though he is, by no means, famous. he goes by the stage name JOX. 

working in the nightclub scene and attending parties sometimes for five consecutive days a week sort of.....made him fall into a drug habit. he developed a dependence on pills in particular, chugging down what he can get his hands on.

od’d in his lover’s bed (possibly wc??) after which he finally admitted himself to rehab. this was aroooound 3 yrs ago??

after 6 months in an inpatient treatment facility, he moved back to pennsylvania and tried to stay out of the nightclub scene to stay clean. he opted instead to make music in his bedroom, shifting his sound to something a little more mellow to reflect his current state.

after a year, he tried going back to dj-ing in clubs to introduce his new sound, but......relapsed and started using again. this would go on for at least a year and a half before he ended up back in the hospital.

recently just out of rehab AGAIN and is now staying with his sister and his sister’s husband while he tries to figure himself out from here.

extras:

his music, i imagine, is very soul-y and synthwavey. the ‘sound claims’ i have for him are a blend of JAI WOLF, JAMIE XX, ODESZA, and CHET PORTER. v 70s and 80s nostalgic, stuff like that.

that said, he’s not famous famous. like, at the end of the day, he’s just a guy who likes to be lowkey, stream himself playing videogames on twitch, skate w/ his friends, rip bongs. just goof around overall. i imagine him a lot like CHET PORTER ON INSTA in that sense lmao.

also exudes being roman roy from succession energy X, X, X.

chaotic bisexual. also has a huge lgbtq+ following. an mlm dj??? sign them up 💯

mostly dated men tho. older men. but that’s bc he likes to project himself (or rather, who he can’t be) on guys who seem to have their life together. except said guys are looking for stability by that point, and he is anything but stable. he likes dem dem daddies tho 👌

mostly he’ll flirt with anyone tbh. his libido knows no bounds.

sag sun, cancer moon, gemini rising.

he’s so fucking whiny. bULLY HIM.

connections:

people he’s collabed with, whether by remixing their music or producing music for them

POTENTIAL ROOMMATE PLS he needs to move out of his sister’s :(((

his ex from his first overdose. he hasn’t spoken to them since then because he feels embarrassed for what he put them through.

people he used to hang with in nightclubs.

ride or die !!!! either someone he grew up with in erie or someone from new york!

childhood frenemies now turned fwbs……THE INTRIGUE !

THE OTHER HALF OF HIS BRAIN CELL :’) aka someone who, when in the same room with him, will make people go ‘OH GOD THERE’S 2 OF THEM!’

hilarious disaster tinder hookup. the possibilities are endless with this one.

these are just rough ideas at the top of my head tbh but i’m lich rally so easy with connections so if you’ve got an idea, chances are i’m 10/10 down to riff off with you about it <3

[soulvomit]

That's another thing about how I came up regarding gender.

Most of the nostalgia and the stuff women are allowed to like (and *especially* most of the stuff that LGBTQ girls are allowed to like!) is very, very specific. It must be candy colored and have an edifying message. It must not have power fantasy stuff in it, but must be about sharing and caring and mutualism and mind-numbing stultifying conformity.

When I was in my rebellious phase, part of my rebellion was against the idea that just because I was a white girl, every thought and utterance of mine had to be socially acceptable and edifying and wholesome.

As a kid, I liked boys' stuff, and nerdy stuff. I liked fast cars, auto racing, computers, and outer space. (I was also into ballet. Go figure.) My neighborhood friends tended to be boys and tomboyish girls.

The exception is Barbie... I loved Barbie. I also loved dance, especially the gendered clusterfuck that was ballet, and I suspect "user controls the narrative" was part of it. When I was in ballet lessons, I made up my own ballets.

With Barbie, part of it is that Barbie & her friends had relatively little baked in narrative or framing (aside from Barbie being rich.) I could make up my own stories and settings for my dolls to exist in. Barbie could be a race car driver or astronaut in my head, even if those accessories didn't exist. She could be anything I wanted her to be. She was a relatively blank slate. Barbie could live in her Barbie mansion with her wife Midge, and they could be waited on by Ken. One Barbie could be an entertainment lawyer and my other Barbies could have a rock band. (I grew up in LA in the 80s.) Barbie was the only female figure I found remotely aspirational! And most of all, Barbie wasn't as defined by pre-set outfits and looks as other girl-marketed properties were; I could clothe my Barbies 100% in my own stylistic creations if I wanted to, i could use magic markers and color their hair punk colors, and I did.

But Rainbow Brite? Strawberry Shortcake? Lisa Frank's oeuvre? All the stuff you all adore? Especially My Little Pony and Care Bears?

I HATED THEM ALL. Hated them, hated them, hated them. You couldn't make up your own story. They were propagandistic in a way. My friends - the neighborhood boys and tomboys - didn't like these toys and the girls who did, generally were the ones who othered me.

And if you didn't like this stuff, you were basically a horrible person who deserved to have no friends, or something.

And guess what? Now, if you don't like female-marketed stuff and you're female, *especially if female and LGBTQ* - you're treated like you're a horrible person who deserves to have no friends. (But beyond merely being female, it feels like we have a weird aesthetic marketing thing presently of the two marketing genders, Cis Men and Everyone Else. Being in the Everything Else and not consuming the right media is treated as actively problematic.) It's weirdly like we're presently dealing with the gender wars by imposing infantilized female-targeted stuff on anyone who isn't a cis het man. I REALLY AM LOST IN THIS ZEITGEIST.

(She-Ra showed up a little late in the game for me. I loved the women characters in He-Man though and it was an early indicator that I was going to later 1) come out as queer 2) become a fan of Heavy Metal Magazine.)

I found this stuff alienating as fuck.

Because I was a girl I was SUPPOSED to like pink ponies and SUPPOSED to be the moral guardian of the world (many female hero narratives are steeped in white middle class moral guardianship as opposed to just being power fantasies; this is a huge part in Gen X and Millennial villain fandom, I suspect).

Also, because I was so universally rejected by feminine girls and so many of my friends were boys and tomboys, a lot of my consumption was going to be in the things we could actually watch together and games we could play together.

At the time, that was stuff like Star Trek, (oldschool) Battlestar Galactica, Superfriends, He-Man. One thing about 80s and 90s nerd properties is that they offered the most diverse array of personality traits and character types; boys didn't have to play Captain Kirk, they could also be Mr. Spock. And with the movies showing women in command (this is probably why the "Monster Maroon" era is my favorite nostalgic Trek) there wasn't a reason a girl couldn't play a captain.

Ghostbuster and Starfleet officer were JOBS, not genders.

But this was missing from most mainstream media that wasn't "nerdy."

I had a younger male neighbor friend when I was 9 and we'd pretend we were the Wonder Twins. I was okay with female-gendered characters in stuff I could enjoy in mixed-gender groups. Look, when you're the smallest generational cohort and there are only 2 other kids on any block - when it comes to the gender of your friends, beggars can't be choosers.

Btw, know what sucked about a lot of 80s kids media? Did anyone here actually WATCH the original He-Man? You know how that annoying little shit Orko (because he really was seen in a similar light to Jar-Jar and other annoying characters in his own day) always gave some kind of moralistic message?

Yeah. You're all fucking doing that again. Quit it.

[sophygurl]

Dirty Dancing

I had a hankering to watch one of my old favorites today - one I’ve seen hundreds of times and that’s not an exaggeration. I probably watched it one hundred times alone the first summer it was on HBO and I recorded it - I’m guessing 1988 since it came out in 87?

Anyway - the short version of this post is simply that I’m pretty sure Dirty Dancing is a big part of my bisexuality and polyamorousness like. I’m sorry but Baby falls for Penny as much as Johnny and you can’t convince me otherwise and they would make an excellent throuple. And my little hetnormative-trained 13 year old brain didn’t KNOW that was a big draw of the movie for me but it was because the scenes between the three of them were my favorites - especially the dance training montage scenes where they’re all dancing together oh my HEART. But also just like you see so clearly how Baby is crushing on them both so much in those beginning stages and SOMETHING ABOUT THAT SPOKE TO MY LIL TEENAGE HEART OKAY?

So but the longer version is that I still love every single bit of this damned movie (2 minor exceptions - when Baby says “I’m not proud of myself” in her emotional monologue to her dad? I’d take that out. And also I wish the mom had just a smidge more agency but I also get that the lack of agency for the women was a big part of the story- hence these only being slight exceptions).

But okay yes. The movie? Is hella fun with a kicking soundtrack and amazing dancing and acting and Grey and Swayze have chemistry coming out of their whazoodles and I’d throw Rhodes in there too and all of that is fun and sexy and romantic and nostalgic (now for TWO decades since it kinda melds 60′s and 80′s stuff together in some ways).

You know what else though? It’s also just an amazing movie with incredible peeks into the sexism and classism of the era, and especially the intersection of the two. It explores both upper and lower class women’s roles and how both lower class men and women were treated. Swayze’s Johnny Castle is treated like a sexual object and expected to have sex with the upper class women who are being neglected by their husbands (interesting to note that the entertainment staff was forbidden to socialize with the daughters but expected to sex up the older ladies and the more educated upper class staff were expected to romance but not have sex with the daughters of the guests). 

Then there’s Penny and the whole pregnancy/abortion storyline and how Robbie treats both her and Baby’s sister Lisa - spoiler alert he treats them both horribly but in different ways. The mom has almost no agency. Baby thinks she has it, but you can clearly see the difference between when she’s with her family or with fellow upper class Neil and when she’s with Johnny and Penny and Billy - she blossoms into this whole new wonderful person with new insights and opinions about the world because she’s finally seeing outside of the bubble of her family and class. 

The movie does entirely ignore race issues, which is unfortunate. But I’m also guessing that is partly due to the setting - the vacationers would all have been upper class white folk and it seems most of the staff would have been as well. The band leader is a black man, but I think that’s it? IDK if that would have been indicative of the times or not, but it seems like the movie could have figured race into things if it had wanted to. The only other way it’s mentioned is when Neil says when the summer ends, he’s going to join the freedom riders. He seems to say this in order to impress Baby, who has shown she is concerned about social justice issues. And it comes off as a sort of privileged ally-cookie-quest. If Neil’s character did care about civil rights, it was not reflected in the way he treated the lower class staff at his uncle’s resort. 

Despite this lack, however, the movie does a pretty decent job looking at this intersection of gender and class. The way Baby was raised to believe she could change the world, and that this meant she should care about everyone regardless of things like race and class - but then quickly learned that her family (particularly her father) meant she should do these things in a more dignified and distanced way. They sort of humor her ideas of joining the peace corp and studying the economics of undeveloped countries - but the idea of befriending the entertainment staff at the resort is *gasp* Scandal!! 

But because Baby believed in those ideals she was raised with, and hadn’t yet learned the reality of what her parents expected of her - she plows right in and befriends these people whose dancing skill she so admires. She falls in love with dance, and with the people themselves (*ahem* Johnny AND Penny here) and with their easy way of being with one another. 

She rushes in to help wherever and whenever she can, but is still ashamed of her association and hides it from her family. This new world she’s discovered is a sort of guilty secret, and especially so once her relationship with Johnny becomes sexual in nature (AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH AGENCY SHE HAD IN THAT FIRST SEX SCENE LIKE SHE IS JUST GOING ON ABOUT HOW IMPORTANT HE IS TO HER, STARTS TO DANCE WITH HIM, GRABS HIS ASS, AND IS JUST LIKE - YEA BABY LET’S GO!).

So okay, she’s having teh sex and doing teh dance and making teh friends - but it’s still a secret because her family would find it shameful. Does this stop her when she finds out that Johnny is about to be blamed and fired for the theft? SHIT NO it does not! She jumps in to tell the whole world (well okay her family and the Kellerman’s and some other folks in the dining room at the time) that she slept with him that night so he couldn’t have stolen the wallet so THERE! 

And of course he gets fired anyway (I guess for defiling a rich girl? Blech.) but like. When he comes to find her and is all “nobody has ever stood up for me like that! ever!” - I die a little inside because this poor guy has been so beaten down that he doesn’t think he’s good for anything when what WE know about him is that he 1) totally stands by and protects his female bff (possible triad member???? shhh sophy we’re doing a thing here) no matter what and 2) he loves Baby so much because he sees all this good in her and he doesn’t think he deserves her but he is so proud of her and UGH 3) he stops taking the rich guy’s money to sex up his wife because Baby had finally convinced him he was better than that and 4) he works super hard all the time just to make ends meet but would Still have given Penny all his money to help her out and 5) GDI NEIL HE DOESN’T WANNA DO THE PACACHANGA!

All of this culminates when he comes back in and is all “Nobody puts Baby in a corner!” - which is such an epic and cool line but is also super cheesy and a bit nonsensical??? But what he means, really, is that in that moment he sees this woman that he loves sitting quietly in the corner with her parents who are suppressing this passionate and compassionate side of her (well mostly her dad her poor mom doesn’t wtf is going on) and he knows - okay - Johnny Castle KNOWS that Fances Baby Houseman is a fucking STAR okay and he is going to show the whole world (well all of the Kellerman guests and staff anyway) what she can do! PHEW.

So like. Yea, the movie is fun as shit for a lot of reasons. But it’s also so real and vital and important for more reasons than just this one gal’s bisexual/poly pre-awakening (it took another 5-10 years to fully get it - this was the 80′s/90′s in Wisconsin alright we didn’t have the internet back then to explain our sexualities to us!)

I don’t have a nice concluding thesis for this rambly meta except to say that I hope you enjoyed it and also I once again scared the crap out of my cats by singing and dancing a lot - they think singing means I’m sad and lonely so they come to comfort me because they call out and howl when they’re sad and lonely. They are so lovely to come and comfort me but the dancing and singing combo really freaks them out like what are you Doing lady - lady we’re scared - what’s happening? Are you ill??? Should we ... how do .. do cats call 911??? 

[newmusicmonthly]

2020

Hello. I hope you and yours are well. As is tradition, below are my selections for albums and songs of the year. As I have yet to receive a reply from you, dear reader, sincerely asking to unsubscribe, you are therefore the proud recipient of the list once more! I’ve altered the format from 5 tracks each month because, as I suspect many of you did, I went into a nostalgic hole for large chunks of this year (for me this consisted of at least two months of nothing but Funkadelic, which does mean my personalised algorithm is now ace), but also when I looked back at when many of these tracks were released it was front heavy for the first half of the year – another body blow to the supposed “monthly” mailer. I even considered not writing my one-liners, but where is the fun in that? Furthermore, trying to keep the long list to 60 tracks in total (equivalent to 5 per month) proved overly frustrating, so I’ve included some extras, especially as this year felt 13 month long. Notwithstanding said excuses, enough preamble, on with the list! Let me know what you think and do send me your own selections. Lots of love xx TOP 10s TOP 10 ALBUMS Baxter Dury – The Night Chancers Mildlife – Automatic SAULT – Untitled (Black Is) Alice Boman – Dream On Kanaan – Odense Sessions Lightning Orchestra – Source And Deliver Yves Tumor – Heaven To A Tortured Mind The Strokes – The New Abnormal Woods – Strange to Explain Erland Cooper – Hether Blether TOP 10 TRACKS Malena Zavala – En la Noche Caribou – You & I Yves Tumor – Kerosene! Puscifer – Apocalyptical Mildlife – Automatic King Hannah – Meal Deal SAULT – Wildfires // Bow [yes, there are two tracks there] Kanaan – Urgent Excursions To the Tundrasphere Frazey Ford – Golden Jessie Ware – What’s Your Pleasure? NEW MUSIC ‘MONTHLY’ MAILER Spotify Link Here Holy Fuck – Near Mint What better way to kick off a retrospective look at 2020 than with ‘Holy Fuck’ Alice Boman – It’s OK, It’s Alright Really love this album and this pick is a real downer, spectral and haunting but also touching Smoke Fairies – Out Of The Woods Jessica and Katherine still delivering a decade on, the chorus guitar riff is tops Nicolas Godin – The Border Air’s Nicolas Godin doing his best detached friendly robot, mais bien sur Moses Boyd – BTB Vibrant, propulsive, energetic, gotta move! The Men – Wading In Dirty Water Avid readers will know I’m a fan of these guys and this one rides a familiar Crazy Horse choogle Tame Impala – Breathe Deeper Funky bass, piano flourishes, solid synths, all groove Kanaan – Urgent Excursions To the Tundrasphere Ok, here it is, there’s always going to be at least one – this is the 14 min space rock jam – skip/enjoy! Frazey Ford – Golden This production is right up my street, soulful vocals swoop around tight rhythm section and hammond keys, an analogue dream Caribou – You and I From the analogue to a digital master, man this beat is catchy Pulled By Magnets – Cold Regime People Die File this under terrifying experimental jazz Jonathan Wilson – Riding The Blinds JW doing that 6/8 minor ballad thang Baxter Dury – Say Nothing Another album I loved this year and could have picked any number of tracks, so here’s a quote from Baxter: “My craft and in a sense a certain style has been perfected and it’s easy… I don’t have to do it again basically. I don’t want to hear another man talking over an orchestral background.” Ha! U.S. Girls – 4 American Dollars Slick funky, soulful, classic strings, building into a brilliant outro with great lyrics Deeper – Lake Song Detached vibe ala Joy Division / The Cure done through a Pavement lens with serious downer lyrics Pretty Lightning – Voo Doo Boo Swampy dirge guitar grooves Tamikrest – Anha Achal Wad Namda Another mailer favourite, Touareg guitar wizards Tony Allen, Hugh Masekela – Never (Lagos Never Gonna Be the Same) Master drummer who sadly passed away earlier this year just after this release, and two years after master trumpeter Masekela’s own passing, this track is a buzzing tribute to Fela Myrkur – House Carpenter Danish black metaller does Scandinavian folk: bright and beautiful Sufjan Stevens, Lowell Brams – The Runaround A weird album, even by Sufjan standards, but I found these electronic ambient sounds strangely comforting R.A.P. Ferreira – ABSOLUTES Rhythm & poetry The Weeknd – Blinding Lights What can I add to the smash of 2020? Catchy af Porridge Radio – Long Indie banger, with a decidedly angry, bitter, playful lyrics Cleo Sol – Her Light If online research is to be believed Cleo is part of the collective in SAULT with producer Inflo, but this album is standalone brilliance without knowing that, this is pure vintage soul vibes Malena Zavala – En la Noche I returned to this track more than any other this year, the rhythm, the vocals, the melody, the production, even if I have to use google translate to fully understand the lyrics Tom Misch, Yussef Dayes – Lift Off Molten guitar, groovy arrangements, and plenty of business from Dayes Yves Tumor – Kerosene! An absolute belter, amazing vocals, groove and crescendo perfection Warm Digits, The Orielles – Shake The Wheels Off (feat. The Orielles) Immediate synth pop, indie dancefloor (with some solid cowbell) EOB – Brasil First solo venture for Ed, acoustic folk gives way to rumbling bass banger, would very much like to experience this in a field Other Lives – Hey Hey I Grand rocking orchestral aural assault with hints of Morricone Elephant Tree – Sails Fulfilling the heavy dirge quota, that hit at 2:33 is a proper head in the speakers moment The Strokes – Why Are Sundays So Depressing This album snuck up on me, and then I found myself listening to it non-stop, this track such an ear worm Houses of Heaven – In Soft Confusion I think the right descriptor is darkwave – insistent drum machine, reverb soaked vocals, industrial production, gloomy pop hooks Joel Sarakula – Don’t Give Up on Me Operating in a dangerous space between homage and pastiche, groove and parody, this is smooth easy yacht rock Donny Benét – Second Dinner Following hot on the heels of pastiche, this time with tongue firmly in cheek, The Don and his 80s reverence lolz Perfume Genius – Whole Life Completely arresting, the lyrics an absolute gut punch, yet still gorgeous Jake Blount – Beyond This Wall From the press release, this album “features fourteen carefully chosen tracks drawn from Blount’s extensive research of Black and Indigenous mountain music. The result is an unprecedented testament to the voices paradoxically obscured yet profoundly ingrained into the Appalachian tradition” – this contemporary instrumental is a superb banjo and fiddle tune Holy Hive – Broom Formed by the drummer from the Dap Tones and inspired by being on tour with Lee Fields, this gentle soul, complete with tremolo guitar and horns, really floats Woods – Where Do You Go When You Dream A welcome return to form, this mellotron infused number is beautifully catchy Erland Cooper – Linga Holm Dramatic piano and strings from an altogether wild and wonderful album Mystery Jets – Screwdriver Loud / quiet dynamic, bombastic riffs, seething verses, the Jets turn it up to eleven to fight with love Jehnny Beth – Flower Another track where hushed verses give way to chorus explosions, serious tension and intensity Hinds – Good Bad Times Love that thudding bass drum, big stomping pop Norah Jones – Were You Watching? Smooth but haunting, with added Celtic flavour Braids – Young Buck Bleeps and bloops, melancholic poppy vocals, and the damnedest catchiest chorus Jessie Ware – What’s Your Pleasure? Is it getting hot in here? No further questions LA Priest – What Moves Quirky strutting electro, sleek yet squelchy SAULT – Wildfires + SAULT, Michael Kiwanuka – Bow Double billing because I couldn’t make a choice (plus when I realised the rhythms flow perfectly into one another it’s like it’s one song) Run The Jewels – a few words for the firing squad (radiation) Again, difficult to choose which track on this album; this is pure fire with sax and all GUM – The Thrill Of Doing It Right Turn this feel good banger up! Such a big hit when the horns drop at the start The Vacant Lots - Fracture Catchy, icy, synths (and Desert Sands label mates by the by) A.A. Williams – Melt Enchanting slow-burning, stirring post-rock, with a wonderful, soaring crescendo Lightning Orchestra – For Those Who Are Yet To Be Born A late discovery, but immediately catapulted to the top, self-described “psychedelic booty-shake” Kamaal Williams – Save Me Almost chose ‘Pigalle’ but the tight push drumming on this won out, hard funky jazz stylings of the Herbie variety Victoria Monét – Dive Lavish and groovy, and as Monét puts it: “They say most humans are about 60% water, but I believe women must be 69% so dive in baby." Secret Machines – Talos’ Corpse Genuinely so happy to see Brandon and Josh back and still with the big sounds All Them Witches – Enemy of My Enemy Relentlessly heavy, all the chops and described by one reviewer as the love child of TOOL, Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath and Kyuss; I love this band Fenne Lily – Birthday Beautiful and bruised Mildlife – Automatic Another new discovery, in the pocket cosmic goodness and much as it pains me to quote from NME I can’t think of a better description than ‘Mobius strip funk’ Puscifer – Apocalyptical Maynard in the video for this track is an indelible image; massive swaggering Intruder-esque drums, angular menacing guitars, Carina’s ethereal edgy vocals, Maynard’s gritted teeth whispers, and apposite apocalyptical lyrics Matt Berninger – Loved So Little Confessional moody acoustic conjuring up Western-esque vistas Goldensuns – Denandra Moore Californian sun-drenched lo-fi groove, for fans of Conan Mockasin and Night Moves Frankie and the Witch Fingers – Cavehead F*cking excellent west coast garage psych melange and the B,D,E ascend at 3:10 is nod central King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard – The Hungry Wolf Of Fate Genre bending brilliance once again from down under, this cut a heavy, doomy Sabbath assault King Hannah – Meal Deal Ominous drone opens into an acoustic tale of buying a flat with a spider in the bath, Hannah’s sinister smoky sultry vocals draw you in, before some menacing low frequency dirge guitar and drums kick in at 1:30… By this point on first listen I was already hooked, but then comes a great walloping Angel Olsen ‘Sister’ style crescendo, a glorious find at the end of the year (props to Manuel) HONOURABLE MENTIONS Elephant Stone – I See You Sam Lee, Elizabeth Frazer – The Moon Shines Bright Priscilla Ermel – Martim Pescador Rheinzand – Blind Dogleg – Fox The Flaming Lips, Deap Lips – Home Thru Hell The Heliocentrics – Hanging By A Thread Midwife – 2018 Chicano Batman – Color My life Trace Mountains – Rock & Roll Peach Pit – Shampoo Bottles Buscabulla – Vámono Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever – Cars In Space Jess Williamson – Wind on Tin Thiago Nassif, Arto Lindsay – Plástico The Vacant Lots – Endless Rain Nubya Garcia – Stand With Each Other (Feat. Ms MAURICE, Cassie Kinoshi, & Richie Seivwright) Juanita Stein – L.O.T.F. Carlton Melton – Waylay Paul McCartney – Long Tailed Winter Bird

[stackson-trash-blog]

Harringrove Pride Drabble.

Written for my excellent RP partner who needs a virtual hug or fifty this week. 

Written to the wonderful ‘Hard Times’ by Paramore. Which I’m totally going to pretend is an 80s song lol.

"This is so gay."

"Lesbian, gay, bisexual, aka me, and transgender. It's like beyond just gay, babe."

"At least you ditched the tinsel. It's not even fucking November, loser."

"Reluctantly, and most definitely only because you refused to open the car door unless I threw it over the fence into next door's yard. I'm blaming you if their dog eats it and dies. Just so you know."

"It'll stop barking when I'm trying to fuck you by the pool. Win win situation."

"Billy Hargrove!"

"Heh. You love it, princess."

It wasn't so much winding themselves through a crowd when clusters of people jammed into two very distinct lanes behind waist high barriers which lined the road, were too caught up in their own merriment to even think about moving.

The air was thick with confetti, a fizz of alcohol and cologne, and most importantly of all, laughter and cheering the likes of which neither of them had ever heard before. Voices raised to tunelessly sing along with all the favorites of yesteryear, and newer songs which didn't quite pluck at Steve's nostalgic side as much as songs of the eighties.

He couldn't even count how many people they'd spoken to, and the hands weren't even close to hitting twelve. It was like being in a bubble, a world far removed from the casual acceptance of everyday life in Cali. Billy was holding his hand like he might slip and fall at any moment, like the ugly ghosts from his past were lurking behind every sparkle encrusted float and statuesque drag queen. He'd been so reticent to begin with that Steve considered turning back, telling him that no, it was totally okay if they didn't plunge head first into the more overt side of the scene. Between the two of them they were proud enough as it was, even after what felt like a small lifetime of denial, and sneaking around for the sake of self-preservation.

But as they'd drawn closer, walking from a parking lot which didn't charge by the hour, and the sounds of mingled conversations, whooping and hollering, the whole nine yards and then some, had slowly come into focus, he hadn't stopped, hadn't tried to divert their course to somewhere less overwhelming.

And so they'd ended up, having been thoroughly bracketed in by a large group of women from a lesbian wedding party - decked out in sashes, plastic crowns, and wands which caught every sunbeam, and some kind of leather appreciation society whose flashy outfits Steve wouldn't admit to furtively trying to check out on the sly. With ease, Billy had boosted him up by the seat of his skinny jeans to perch upon the wide ledge of one of the buildings adjacent to the main parade. He made getting up there himself look easy, and even slung a casual arm around Steve's shoulders.

Hard Times had Steve's fingertips tapping out a chipper rhythm on Billy's thigh, leaning into his warmth even if it only made his hair wilt, and cheeks glow with fresh perspiration, letting him know without having to say a word, that they were safe here. Just another couple who both happened to be men, in a crowd of so many others.

Over the bass leaving imprints in the concrete below each float, he almost had to shout to be heard, but leaning up close, cupping one hand decorated with stickers handed out by girls and boys with rainbows painted upon their cheeks, and glowsticks dangling from lanyards around their necks, his voice cut through every layer of cacophony surrounding their nest.

"I really fucking love you, okay?"

Billy's laughter nearly brought the both of them down.

[michael3434g]

Tom and the awful Detective Henry

Tom and the Despicable Detective Henry

Written by Michael D. Gutierrez

Chapter 1. Rules and Lies Forty years ago in the town of Eagle Rock, there was a golden age of great detectives. Those detectives ran out all of the mafias and exposed corrupt political figures Everyday reading the Eagle Rock Post seemed like reading an old pulp detective novel. The story’s with all the fighting and the good guy getting the girl in the end. The bomb being stopped when there’s just one second left on the counter.

Good for me, that golden age stuff is long gone over. Most of the detectives sold out and started to work for private companies and secret government branches, instead of helping the locals. Other detectives that wanted to play hero, were hunted down by private mob detectives, then they were killed. The last honest detective out there. He's somewhat of a folk hero in the streets. His name is Harrison Grant. He's still at work trying to put guys like me in prison. I thought he died a long time ago, but our leads say otherwise. He works incognito.

He's hard for any mob's private detective to track because very few people know what Harrison looks like.

He is considered one of the best. I don't feel he would be difficult to capture because he must be old as heck. Harrison must be like in his late 70's pushing 80's.

I doubt he still working. I assume someone’s just pretending to be him. Probably just using Harrison brand makes sense. I doubt he still working himself.

My name is Tom Dime, I run with the Grump Street gang. I am one of the three people apart from this small task force to capture this sun of a gun. The other Twitter men with are, my right-hand man, Daniel Kan and some private investigator name Henry Shiz.

Detective Henry Shiz is kinda primadonna.

Two hours ago we got a tip-off that detective Harrison was in the neighborhood.

Henry: I hope you boys are armed because this could be dangerous. We are capturing him not hunting him. Harrison is not a man that will not be captured easily. Harrison was an A-rank threat before he went off the radar. Daniel: He's just a wash up old man that can't let go of his the glory days. This should be a cakewalk. Henry: That's not true Daniel, Harrison has busted a lot of our top leaders in the past. This old man is not a pushover, he's a problem. I'm just really surprised it's just the three of us on this mission. Tom: Detective Henry, do you have a history with detective Harrison? Henry: Yes, Harrison showed me most of his old tricks, when I was a young up and coming detective. Around your age, early twenties. We work together in a couple of major big cases back in the day. Daniel: How can me and my buddy Tom, know you won't betray us when we start killing your old friend boy, Harrison? Henry: That won't be the most dreadful thing I have ever done, ok. Trust me I can deal with it. First, I like being on the Grump street payroll. Second, the FBI does not want me anymore, in reason, I won't get into. Lastly, my daughter is going to a scam ridden art college, so I need as much money as I can get my hands on. Tom: I know liars Daniel, and he is not one. Don't get me wrong, he is a cockroach, but he is our cockroach. Daniel: Great because nothing is going to stop me in blowing Harrison's brains out. It is his fault my father went to the slammer. My dad was just selling fake social security account. We got a tip from a store owner that the gang has a connection with. He said he saw detective Harrison leaving and entering the rundown Dude Gum factory for a couple of days. Around 3:30am. All three of us enter through a broken window to get into the factory. Henry: Alright boys listen up. Let's stick together, ok. Daniel: No I can't, Henry. I need to get revenge now. Daniel ran down the hall, with his gun out. Daniel has all focus on finding detective Harrison. Henry: Dumb kid, he does not know who he is dealing with. Your friend is a moron, Tom. We get more money if catch the guy alive. Tom: Sorry, Henry, Daniel has never been the type of guy that takes orders.What is your plan, man? More money if catch the guy alive. Henry: Stealth. It' Stealth. Taking advantage of Harrison age is the best way to get the drop on him. His hearing must not be that great anymore. He probably can’t put up a fist as fight like he uses to.

I and Henry slowly walk upstairs to oversee the factory so we could find detective Harrison. As we walk around the hall I see Henry planting nano cameras on the walls. Tom: I still don't understand why would you want to betray your own friend? Henry: Friend? I have a very small history with detective Harrison. That's why I would not call him a friend. It would be great for me, if he disappeared. I have done some bad things, so maybe someday he may come after me. One less worry on my mind.

Tom: Oh, I see... You want insurance so Harrison won't come after you. Henry: It would make me sleep easier knowing he's swimming with the fishes. A fire alarm goes off all around the Dude Gum factory. Henry and me grabbed our guns out immediately. I would be lying if I said i wasn't nervous. Tom: I really hope that was just, Daniel fucking around with the alarm. Let's run back downstairs. I think I thought I saw a fire alarm there. A voiceover from an intercom shouted saying "I'm not there Henry, I'm in the cafeteria". Henry: Dammit, it is Harrison, Tom!

Tom: That alarm scared the shit out of me. Do you think someone ratted us out and alerted, Harrison? Henry: That's possible, Tom. I think it was most likely Daniel's recklessness that got Harrison's attention. That high school dropout fool. I and Henry entered in the large lunch room and see an old man with a wearing trench coat. Could it be Harrison? He looked a lot older than I imagine. Henry's face looks like he saw a ghost, he is speechless. Tom: You're Harrison, right? The detective? You got the whole trench coat thing.

Harrison: Yes stranger, I am Harrison. Now the young man I have a question back to you. Are you three here to murder me. Tom: No, we... Henry: Shut the heck up Tom, don't tell him anything, not even a lie. Don't give him a bit of info. Harrison: Henry, it's really nice to see you again. It's funny to see you as an old man. Of course not as old as me. I remember the good old days when you were a young man ready to solve every case that popped up. It saddens me to see my pupil working with the wrong crowd.

Henry: The old days were great. I'm glad to see you again in a strange way. It's nostalgic to see you still wear your old gray trench coat. Most elite detective’s stop that fashion trend several decades ago.

Harrison: This trench coat cost me a couple grand. I plan to wear it until I die.

The fire alarm is still ringing over and over, it's driving me insane. Tom: Yo, could you guys stop talking about dress up? Harrison, you turn off the freaking alarm! The ringing is killing my mind. Harrison: Calm down, the alarm will go off by itself in a minute or less. Henry: Harrison, why have you been hanging out in the Dude Gum factory? Harrison: For a couple weeks I've been investigating the link between Dude Gum and blindness. A lot of Dude Gum consumers and factory workers have been getting blindness. Lucky most cases of blindness are temporary.

Tom: Crap. I guess I won't steal a crate of Dude Gum on my way out. Harrison: Since I was honest and answered your question, could you answer mine? Are you boys here to murder me? Because I need to know before I make my next move.

The fire alarm stop ringing, now in the room is a moment of silence. Henry: Sorry, I'm on my client's payroll, Harrison. I could not back out now, they would kill me, my daughter. I really hoped this day would never happen. Harrison: I wished you had the guts to just say the truth. Shame on you, Henry. I trained you to use your detective skills for the greater good, not for selfish reasons. Henry: I had no choice, Harrison. This isn't a black and white issue. Harrison: Don't act like you're the victim, Henry. What happened to you? I remembered when you liked to help the common man. I remember you said something like that once to me. I am aware of all the peoples lives you destroyed, by fooling around with the stock market. You have grown up to be a crook. That’s the legacy I see.

Henry: You know what fine, you're right, Harrison. I don't like to be paid $60 and one cup of sugar a day looking for a damn lost kid. Working for the elite keeps me off the street, ok. You knew, I always hated being poor. I saw a way out, so took it.

Harrison: Just like everyone else, you grew up to be a big disgrace. I feel ashamed of being your mentor. It kills me a little bit every time I find out one of my ex-students are abusing their skills for selfish reasons. Tom: Harrison, you should stop talking to us, like if you had the upper hand. With one small phone call, I could get a small army of gangbangers over here right now. The capital of the Grump street gang is literally down the block. Henry: Tom, I told you already to shut it! Let the detectives talk. You're just simply the help.

Daniel finally entered the same room as me, Henry, and detective Harrison. Daniel has a big bag of stolen Dude Gum. Daniel paused and said.

Daniel: Oh shit is that the detective, Harrison guy?

Harrison: Hi. I just warned your friends about Dude Gum. You should stay away from the stuff.

Daniel: What the heck, it's fucking, detective Harrison. What are you guys waiting for? When are we going to shoot him? You got a gun, right? Tom: We are here to capture him, Daniel. Remember? Daniel: This guy is a folk hero, kill him now and you will be a legend for life. That would be crazy Rad. Tom: If we kill him we won't get paid, Daniel. I only want the paper. Glory doesn't pay the bills dude. Harrison: You guys should kidnap me already, before the cops and the fire department shows up. Remember I pulled the fire alarm three minutes ago? Unless you want to talk to me to death. Henry: Let's go outside gentlemen! An escort van should be on its way by now. Handcuff Harrison and let's head outside.

Ok, great it seems like he won't give up a fight. We just get him to the gang warehouse and then we all get paid.

I could see Henry feels shaken seeing Harrison. I can’t tell if he sad, mad, or happy.

This was way too overhyped. None of us thought this would be such a cakewalk.

Daniel: Harrison, I am surprised you're not crying like a little bitch. You do know you're walking the death march? My boss up the street is going to go nuts when he sees you. Harrison: Only God says when I die, young man. I don't blame you because of your a product of this strange world.

Daniel: You don't know anything about me, man. I am the one who is going to end you.

Harrison: You don’t look like a murder. There is still time for you to turn back. Think to yourself is this the type of world I want to live in. It is not too late for you unlike your friend Henry.

Daniel: Henry, Harrison is talking trash about you.

Tom: Ouch.

Henry: Can everyone shut up the heck up for a second!? Our transportation is here.

A white van showed up across the street. All four of us ran in the back of the van. Daniel put duct tape over detective Harrison mouth. Daniel: I can't wait to see you beg for your life when we bring you to our boss. Henry: I'm surprised the van shown up on time. Also, the driver does not look drunk or stoned. The gangs hiring management department must be getting better. Hey, driver what’s your name? The driver was a young girl That could not be more than 19 years old. She was wearing a green jumpsuit with a name tag saying, Freddy. I saw Daniel's, eyes brighten up with her cuteness. Freddy: Oh, hey, my name is Freddy. I will be your driver for today. It's nice to finally meet you, detective Henry. I’ve heard interesting about you. You found out who burn down the Grump warehouse near Echo Park. Henry: That was my first case with Grump, Freddy. Freddy is normally not a female name. I like it, Freddy. I find it to be bold. Freddy: Thank you. My father picks it out my name. Name after some baseball player. By the way, I'm shocked you guys captured, Harrison. I didn't even think he was still alive. Daniel: Girl, I like your jumpsuit. It's cool you're jumpsuit as Grump Street green. How long have you been in the Grump organization? I've never seen you before in any kickbacks. Henry: Daniel, you moron! Detective Harrison is in the van. Now he knows we're Grump street members. I hope you plugged his fricken ear. Daniel: I didn't but Who gives a shit? He's going to die in an hour or two anyway. It doesn't really matter, man. Henry: Tom and Daniel throw Harrison back in the van and shut up! I hope I won't be paired up with you two numbskulls again. You guys mess up my style. Anyways get Harrison tied up good. I am going to make some calls.

I tide Harrison's feet together and Daniel stuffed one of us dirty gym socks down his face throat. After that, we all went to the van and driven off. Freddy: You guys ready to jam out? Tom: Freddy, where are you driving us? Freddy: We're going to the abandon, Fish Tung factory. Members are starting to show up to see if you captured, Harrison. Henry: That’s strange. I thought we would be going to the Grump compound. Do know if there any reason why we’re not going there.

Henry: Fish Tung factory is out of business? Wow, that is insane, my grandfather works there when, Fish Tung first open, 60 years ago. What a shame, this country is really falling apart. Daniel: Fish Tung, closed down six years ago, Henry. All the jobs got moved overseas. Henry: Another rival fish company must have hired a detective to run out, Fish Tung and other competitors out of town. It a common thing to in business nowadays. Or most likely greedy corrupt unions. Either way very tragic. Tom: How do detectives ruin a business. Henry: Lots of times for small business we would dress up as IRS agents and make up fake tax fines. It gets funny when a stupid owner would pay us, off on the spot. Then we would show up once a week until the business is bankrupt. You got to turn a little soulless to enjoy that type of job. It’s mafioso type stuff. Daniel: Man, Henry, you're ruining America more than lawyers. Henry: Don't get me started on how us detectives use unions on major companies. That's a 30-minute lecture, pretty much, Daniel. I doubt you could comprehend it so I won't waste my breath Daniel: F off, Henry. Tom: Henry, are you going to stick around and watch what happens your old pal? Henry: No, thanks. I don't want to watch, what unholy things Grump has planned for detective Harrison. I just had lunch not that long ago. Tom: I hope it's not dog related. Once a dog tastes human flesh, it's hard for it to respect it's master again. So I have heard.

As I said that I notice, Freddy looked a little nervous. I'm guessing she has not been in Grump for that long. It has taken me a long time for my fear to fall off my back. One day I just accepted that no one cared for me except the gang. That gave me the strength to not fear death. Knowing the biggest gang in the United States of America got my back. Daniel: So Freddy, what are you doing later? I'm just asking if you want to see a movie with me. The fellow that captured the world famous detective Harrison. As long as I know Daniel, he's always been awful in picking up chicks. He also sucks at being a nice guy.

Freddy: Sorry Daniel, I'm going to be a little busy this month. I got to ship a bunch of drugs down Highland Park. Thanks though. Daniel: Ha, that's ok. Hey anyways do you want some Dude Gums, Freddy? I stoled a bunch at the Dude Gum factory. I wish I stole a crate full of the stuff. Freddy: I'm flattered, but I heard Dude Gums are not very good for you. Especially for your eyes. Henry: She rejected you and won't even take your Gum. Just give up already,  Daniel, she's not going to bite. Daniel: Shut up, old man or I'll pimp slap your ass. Henry: What!? Did you even hear what you said? By the way, I am not even that old.

Henry: I hope you two morons won't act like this when we get to the Fish Tung factory. You do know the main boss of Grump will be there as well, right? It will be the first time I’ll probably ever see. I don’t even know anyone that knows his name.

Daniel: Wow What really? The founder of the whole gang will be there. Harrison must really have made life hell for Grump gang. 

Tom: Henry, you should give us a little bit of respected. I and Daniel just help you catch one the greatest detective on the face of this planet. You should recommend us for some type promotion. Henry: Why would respect I low rank gang bangers that couldn't even pass high school? You both failed upwards. Daniel: What the hell man, that's not even our fault the school district went bankrupt three years ago. Henry: You both almost ruined the mission. Freddy, you should have been there and seen it. Detective Harrison thought Tom and stupid Daniel were the biggest clowns. Harrison could tell both of you were all bark and no bite. It was sad. Freddy: Ha. I am glad to see all three of you guys are alright. The Van finally made it to the Tung Fish factory. They parked next to the main dock harbor. It smelled bad.

Henry: Alright boys get Harrison out of the goddamn van. Daniel immediately throws Harrison down on the concrete floor. Harrison left trench coat pocket ripped on the way down. Two of his button ripped off as well.

Tom: Where is everyone? I thought there would be a bunch gangster here already. Henry: I was told if detective Harrison was ever captured the founder would kill him personally. I guess he wants the world to know he captured detective Harrison. Instead of him mysteriously disappearing in history as a hero.

Tom: I assume the founder thinks Harrison, vanishing as a legend is too good of a death for him. He probably wants the world to know Grump organization is not to be messed with. Henry: That is true, Tom. The Grump founder must be on his helicopter flying over here right about now. I sent the founder our GPS location just know. The founder does not live close by, so we’ll all have to be here for a couple of hours. Daniel: It is super wack none of us is going to get any credit for nabbing detective old fart. Money cool in all, but bragging rights would have been great.

Daniel begins going through the van pulling out beers from one of Freddy’s storage containers.

Daniel: I found our consolation prize.

Tom: Daniel, that is Grump street property. That is not a good idea bro. Daniel: Yeah we’re Grump street, So let’s all celebrate. Haha. Freddy: Oh ahh... Henry: Freddy, I apologize on behalf of my goons miss behaviors. Daniel put those beers back right now! If those go missing Freddy can get in massive trouble from the higher-ups. Freddy: Those beers are my own stash. Sometimes I get paid for products instead of cash so you guys could drink up. I was to about to offer them anyways. Tom: Freddy, you're the best. I will try not to look drunk when the founder gets here. Henry: Please don't. It’s the first time I'll get to meet the man who signs my paychecks face to face. I and Daniel began started drinking. It's a perfect time to drink a beer. The alcohol smell covers the rotten fish gut stench surrounding us.

Freddy notice Henry was not drinking. Freddy: Henry, you deserve a drink just much as the other guys. Henry, why are you not drinking?

Daniel: Because he’s a fruit. Freddy laughs at Daniels joke. Freddy: Henry, you deserve a drink just much as the other guys. Capturing the world famous detective deserves a drink.  Henry looks really surprised and happy. So was I. I really didn’t think this underdog operation would work. We capture one of the greatest detectives of the world. He might be been an old geezer now, but he still a legend.

Tom: Henry you sure you don’t want? The beer will make you twice as happy.

Henry: No thanks. I don’t drink liquor at all. It reminds about family.

Tom: Me too man. Before my mom kick out my pope. I and my pope would drink every weekend. We would try to crash every local party we can. He was so funny back in the day.

Henry: Once again no thank you. I can’t even stand the smell of alcohol. So please step three steps back.

Tom: Hey Henry, what about your boy Harrison a beer? He should at least have a last drink. Henry: Harrison,  doesn’t drink.

[da1rym1lk]

this is going to sound crazy and of course, just answer what you are comfortable with, but for that "get to know me better" ask meme... all of them?? 👀👀👀👀👀

Sorry I got to this a bit late y’all-

1: Myname?

Wyvern/Crystal

2: DoI have any nicknames?

Wyv/Crysti/Wan/Ewan/Caroline

3: Zodiacsign?

Taurus

4: Videogame I play to chill, not to win?

None

5: Book/seriesI reread?

Harry Potter

6: Aliensor ghosts?

…Ghosts?

7: WriterI trust enough to read whatever they write?

Alice Oseman

8: Favouriteradio station?

I don’t listen/pay attention to theradio haha

9: Favouriteflavour of anything?

Chocolate

10: Theword that I use all the time to describe something great?

No idea

11: Favouritesong?

Eh..there are too many!

12: Thequestion you ask new friends to get to know them better?

What are your hobbies?

13: Favouriteword?

Bean

14: Thelast person who hurt me, did I forgive them?

Yes.

15: Lastsong I listened to?

Bad Romance – Lady Gaga

16: TVshow I always recommend?

None?

17: Piratesor ninjas?

Ninjas

18: MovieI watch when I’m feeling down?

None?

19: Songthat I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song?

No Care - Daughter

20: Favouritevideo games?

Life is Strange/Yan-Sim

21: Whatam I most afraid of?

Uhhhhh. My hallucinations, I guess.

22: Agood quality of mine?

Idk

23: Abad quality of mine?

Everything

24: Catsor dogs?

Cats

25: Actor/actressyou trust enough to watch whatever they’re in?

None

26: Favouriteseason?

Autumn

27: AmI in a relationship?

Yes

28: SomethingI miss?

2012

29: Mybest friend?

@purplehairissexy

30: Eyecolour?

Brown

31: Haircolour?

Brown

32: SomeoneI love?

@aekgolan

33: SomeoneI trust?

@sweeettae

34: SomeoneI always think about?

Hopie,,,,,

35: AmI excited about anything?

I’m going out later I want to catch upwith my friends..I miss them

36: Mycurrent obsession?

BTS

37: FavouriteTV shows as a child?

Sailor Moon, Spongebob Squarepants

38: DoI have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to?

No, I avoid men/boys for certainreasons.

39: AmI superstitious?

Not really.

40: Whatdo I think about most?

Who’s watching me because wow I’m paranoid as shit

41: DoI have any strange phobias?

Ommetaphobia (but only certain thingsrelated to eyes)

42: DoI prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

Behind

43: Favouritehobbies?

Photography!!!

44: Lastbook I read?

Solitare – Alice Oseman

45: Lastfilm I watched?

Hush

46: DoI play any instruments?

Nah

47: Favouriteanimal?

Cats

48: Top5 blog on Tumblr that I follow?

-—–

49: SuperpowerI wish I could have?

The power to sleep upon will pahaha

50: Howdo I destress?

Music

51: DoI like confrontation?

Uh no

52: Whendo I feel most at peace?

When I re-discover music fromyears ago

53: Whatmakes me smile?

Pretty scenery

54: DoI sleep with the lights on or off?

It depends sometimes I pass out withthe lights on

55: Playany sports?

Lacrosse? But that’s a school thing, personally I hate the sport pahaha

56: Whatis my song of the week?

Rich Kids – New Medicine (I just rememberedit exists last time I heard it was in like 2015 omf)

57: Favouritedrink?

Pepsi Max

58: Whendid I last send a handwritten letter to somebody?

5 years ago I wrote some trash on apiece of paper and posted it to my best friend’s house as a joke hahah

59: Afraidof heights?

No

60: Petpeeve?

When someone says ‘’peng’’

61: Whatwas the last concert I went to see?

I’ve never been to one

62: AmI vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian?

Nah

63: Whatoccupation did I want to do when I was younger?

I wanted to be an author

64: HaveI ever had a friend turn enemy?

Yes but I’m still nice to them

65: Whatfictional universe would I like to be a part of?

Sailor Moon

66: SomethingI worry about?

Being alone at night,,, god knows ifI’ll die or not

67: Scaredof the dark?

Kind of. Depends.

68: Whoare my best friends?

-–

69: Whatdo I admire most about others?

Depends

70: CanI sing?

nO

71: SomethingI wish I could do?

Dance

72: IfI won the lottery, what would I do?

Visit all of my online friends

73: HaveI ever skipped school?

Not actual school, after school classestho, yes.

74: Favouriteplace on the planet?

Under my blanket

75: Wheredo I want to live?

I want to go back to living inAmsterdam hfhfhf

76: DoI have any pets?

No

77: Whatis my current desktop picture?

78: Earlybird or night owl?

--

79: Sunsetsor sunrise?

Sunrise

80: CanI drive?

No, can I heck

81: Storybehind my last kiss?

I’ve never kissed anyone

82: Earphonesor headphones?

Headphones

83: HaveI ever had braces?

Not yet

84: Storybehind one of my scars?

My only scars were from when I used tocut

85: Favouritegenre of music?

It varies. Like seriously.

86: Whois my hero?

@sweeettae (you probably don’t believeme but seriously, you helped me so much without even realising it y’kno likeyou’re the reason I got my life back on track in time ilu ufjcgk)

87: Favouritecomic book character?

Higuchi Ichiyo/Makoto Kino, fucking fight me

88: Whatmakes me really angry?

My auntie’s existence

89: Kindleor real book?

Real book

90: Favouritesporty activity?

None

91: Whatis one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be?

Dress codes if it’s a school with nouniform

92: Whatwas my favourite subject at school?

Eh. I’m still in school and it has to be Latin

93: Siblings?

Si, tengo dos hermanos y no hermanas(I’m p sure whatever that says doesn’t make sense but I have two older brothersthank)

94: Whatwas the last thing I bought?

Pepsi Max!

95: Howtall am I?

5’4’’ last time I checked (a couple ofdays ago)

96: CanI cook?

Nah

97: CanI bake?

Kinda

98: 3things I love?

--

99: 3things I hate?

--

100: DoI have more girl friends or boy friends?

Girl friendos

101: Whodo I get on with better, girls or boys?

Girlies

102: Wherewas I born?

Amsterdammmmmmmmmm            

103: Sexualorientation?

-–

104: Wheredo I currently live?

England

105: Lastperson I texted?

Friendo

106: Lasttime I cried?

A few days ago

107: Guiltypleasure?

Idk

108: FavouriteYoutuber?

--

109: Aphoto of myself.

--

110: DoI like selfies?

Sometimes

111: Favouritegame app?

--

112: Myrelationship with my parents?

It’s alright. They believe I tell themeverything but I really don’t tell them anything except my test scores pahahha

113: Favouriteaccents?

Idk?

114: Aplace I have not been but wish to visit?

Chicago, looks p cool

115: Favouritenumber?

Idk?

116: CanI juggle?

Nah

117: AmI religious?

Yes

118: DoI like space?

It all seems quite scary to me

119: DoI like the deep ocean?

No

120: AmI much of a daredevil?

Sometimes

121: AmI allergic to anything?

Pollen

122: CanI curl my tongue?

No

123: CanI wiggle my ears?

No

124: DoI like clowns?

Not really but I’m not scared of themeither

125: TheBeatles or Elvis?

The Beatles

126: Mycurrent project?

None

127: AmI a bad loser?

Sometimes

128: DoI admit when I wrong?

Yes

129: Forestor beach?

Forest

130: Favouritepiece of advice?

It doesn’t affect your life unless youlet it

131: AmI a good liar?

Sometimes

132: Hogwartshouse / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district?

Slytherin/idk/idk

133: DoI talk to myself?

Sometimes

134: AmI very social?

Not really

135: DoI like gossip?

*cOUGHS*

136: DoI keep a journal/diary?

No

137: HaveI ever hopelessly failed a test?

No

138: DoI believe in second chances?

Yes

139: IfI found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do?

Uh hand it in to the police? Idc tbh

140: DoI believe people are capable of change?

Yes

141: HaveI ever been underweight?

Yes, I currently am whoops, but I’mworking on it

142: AmI ticklish?

Yes, on my neck and thighs only tho

143: HaveI ever been in a submarine?

No

144: HaveI ever been on a plane?

Yes

145: Ina film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family?

--

146: HaveI ever been overweight?

No

147: DoI have any piercings?

Yes, ears

148: Whichfictional character do I wish was real?

Higuchi Ichiyo

149: DoI have any tattoos?

No

150: Whatis the best decision I have made in life so far?

Making a Tumblr account. Bad things came, but loads andloads of good.

151: DoI believe in Karma?

Yes

152: DoI wear glasses or contacts?

Glasses

153: Whatwas my first car?

None

154: DoI want children?

Maybe just one but probably not. I don’t want to contribute tooverpopulation pahaha.

155: Whois the most intelligent person I know?

@purplehairissexy what the fuck thiskid is clever as shit

156: Mymost embarrassing memory?

Please no.

157: Whatmakes me nostalgic?

Sailor Mooooooooooon

158: HaveI ever pulled an all-nighter?

Si, many times

159: Whichdo I value more in others, brains or beauty?

Brains

160: Whatcolour mostly dominates my wardrobe?

Black or blue

161: HaveI ever had a paranormal experience?

Si

162: Whatdo I hate most about myself?

Um………quite a lot

163: Whatdo I love most about myself?

Eh…my eyelashes?

164: DoI like adventure?

Not much

165: DoI believe in fate?

Si

166: Favouriteanimal?

Cat

167: HaveI ever been on radio?

No

168: HaveI ever been on TV?

No

169: Howold am I?

--

170: Oneof my favourite quotes?

What goes round comes round.

171: DoI hold grudges?

No

172: DoI trust easily?

Idk

173: HaveI learnt from my mistakes?

Yes

174: Bestgift I’ve ever received?

The gift of wifi

175: DoI dream?

Yes

176: HaveI ever had a night terror?

Yes

177: DoI remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind?

Sometimes I remember them and once I had a dream where I uh neveRMIND

178: Anexperience that has made me stronger?

My FNAF phase really made me stronger,I guess.

179: IfI were immortal, what would I do?

I’m not sure. Maybe sleep forever if I couldahha

180: DoI like shopping?

Depends

181: IfI could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do?

*** *** ** ** ***** *** ***** **** ******* *********.

182: Whatdoes “family” mean to me?

Alright people

183: Whatis my spirit animal?

Idk

184: Howdo I want to be remembered?

Wyv. Just. Wyv. I can’t offer any other explanation because I’m different with everyoneI meet.

185: IfI could master one skill, what would I choose?

Dance.

186: Whatis my greatest failure?

Existence

187: Whatis my greatest achievement?

Existence

188: Loveor money?

Love

189: Loveor career?

Career, for now.

190: IfI could time travel, where and when would I want to go?

Back in time to 2012. Change everything.

191: Whatmakes me the happiest?

Currently my online friendos.

192: Whatis “home” to me?

Place where my baby laptop livespaahah.

193: Whatmotivates me?

BTS

194: IfI could choose my last words, what would they be?

‘’So please, dap mosters, remember whatwe say – stabmyself, Stan herself.’’

195: WouldI ever want to encounter aliens?

nO.

196: Amovie that scared me as a child?

-–

197: SomethingI hated as a child that I like now?

I was scared of gas masks, now I thinkthey’re quite interesting

198: Zombiesor vampires?

Vampires?

199: Livein the city or suburbs?

City pls

200: Dragonsor wizards?

Wizards

201: Anightmare that has stayed with me?

When I jumped off the Eiffel Tower becauseof -—–pahahah.

202: Howdo I define love?

Idk?

203: DoI judge a book by its cover?

Ngl most of the time yes-

204: HaveI ever had my heart broken?

No.

205: DoI like my handwriting?

No.

206: Sweetor savoury?

Sweet.

207: Worstjob I’ve had?

None.

208: DoI collect anything?

Photos

209: Itemof clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without?

--

210: Whatis on my bucket list?

--

211: Howdo I handle anger?

I either scream to my poor mutuals orlet it out with writing down my thoughts.

212: WasI named after anyone?

No.

213: DoI use sarcasm a lot?

Yes.

214: WhatTV character am I most like?

Ami Mizuno, I think

215: Whatis the weirdest talent I have?

Demon screeches

216: Favouritefictional character?

Makoto Kino

[tessatechaitea]

Black Canary: New Wings #4

Black Canary on the future site of the EMP. Sorry, EMP Museum. Sorry MoPOP.

The covers of this series scream, "Seattle is a major character in this comic book!" But the story whispers, "Do you know where I take place? Shh, shh. Don't worry about it, baby. We took care of that on the cover." You know how when a movie takes place 20 or 30 years ago, the writer and director have to make sure to pepper it with tons of nostalgic references from that time? What if they did the same thing with movies that take place in the present? Father: "Holy baloney! A dinosaur made from fire that spits tornadoes is ravaging the Museum of Pop Culture! We have to skip seeing The Rise of Skywalker and get out of town!" Daughter: "Just let me finish my Fruity Pebbles that turn the milk blue!" Father:: "Hurry up! And don't forget to grab your Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures!" Daughter:: "Okay Boomer." Hmm. I just realized that maybe current movies already do that just to seem current and I just don't notice because why would I notice people mentioning mundane things I hear about every day? I suppose if I watched a movie that was current in 2000, I'd probably roll my eyes at all the stuff they packed in their to remind me of what the year 2000 was like, like meeting people at the gate in airports and being able to keep your shoes on at airports and being able to arrive at an airport five minutes before your plane departed and leaving my machete in my carry on bag at the airport. For some reason, the airport experience was super different in 2000. This issue begins with an advertisement for Hercules Luggage.

That elephant is coming its brains out.

The issue begins like this because the suitcases play an important role in the way the drug smugglers offload the cocaine from the ships. I suppose the reader doesn't need to have this much information about the suitcases being used though so I have a different theory. You know how David Finch's contract says that he will only draw a comic book if the writer puts at least one scene with a woman in a towel fresh out of the shower? I bet Trevor Von Eeden had the same kind of stipulation in his contract but with elephant orgasms. While the suitcases filled with cocaine float three feet under the surface of the ocean (as you would expect being that they were Hercules Luggage!), Black Canary and Gan Nguyen are being threatened by racists. I bet some readers in 1992 wished they could log onto a popular social media platform, find a bunch of other lonely and pathetic assholes, and complain that this comic book is a social justice piece of shit. But instead, they actually had to pull out their letter writing paraphernalia, sit down at their writing desk, and place a pen in their mouth while looking up at the ceiling to decide how to compose their letter. Do they begin stating that they're totally against racism but maybe comic books aren't a good place to shove this stuff down their throat? Maybe they could point out how they're so not racist that they think portraying a bunch of white guys as racist is the real racism? Or maybe they could point out how, not being racist, they already know not to be racist but they think this comic book's nagging about racism might be the real cause of racism? Whatever their letters wound up being about, I bet editor Mike Gold told them to fuck right off, just like he did with all the racist letters sent in reaction to Teen Titans Spotlight on Starfire! Black Canary and her new sidekick escape the racists and run off into the wilds surrounding Seattle. Meanwhile, the racist assassin's son decides to fuck off and run away from his racist home because he knows racism is bad. I don't know how he figured it out though. I bet he read a comic book about Green Arrow battling werewolves or something.

Black Canary discovers the sheriff is in on the racism by finding his racist stationary he keeps right out in the open.

Not having found the cocaine, Black Canary heads back to the wharf in the morning to stake it out. She discovers the racist assassin going out in a fishing boat with the Senator's son and some semi-automatic rifles. Some people might call them assault rifles but if there's one thing I've learned from Twitter, it's that calling them assault rifles really pisses off the idiots who have no other argument against gun control than to scream, "The AR in AR-15 stands for Armalite!" Oh, also, the racists are using M-16s so none of that matters. It's probably okay to call those assault rifles since the "M" stands for "My assault rifle." To catch the racists, Black Canary tarts herself off and follows them in a speed boat.

Instead of finishing the quote with "What the fuck," she flips the bird. That must be why this comic book isn't approved by the Comic Code Authority!

I wonder how many super cool valedictorians in the 80s gave speeches that ended with them putting on sunglasses and saying the Risky Business quote? I bet it was like 90% of them. While Gan and Chad, the racist assassin's son, get help from the Quinault Indians whose backyard the cocaine-filled suitcases are floating, Black Canary rams her speed boat into the drug smuggler's boat. She pretends to be unconscious while they pull her aboard to save her life.

"Aww, she can't feel nothin'!" is the title of my sex tape. Aww, I Can't Feel Nothin'!" is the title of my memoir.

If there's one thing I've learned about empathy, it's that you can't feel any for any creature that isn't comparable to a creature you love. I don't love any dogs so I go around killing dogs all the time. But I have cats so I love cats and would die for them. I also don't have children so fuck children. Not like that! You must not know any children to have acquired empathy for them if you thought I meant that kind of fucking! Speaking of the cats I love, look who came to visit as soon as I typed that!

It's Gravy!

Maybe Gravy just visited because she heard there was a canary somewhere. Speaking of Canaries with nice asses, Black Canary captures the drug lords and saves the day. Everybody exclaims, "Yay Black Canary! You knew what was going on all along! Next time we'll believe you instead of thinking, 'This woman is hysterical!' At least, that's what it feels like in the moment. But, you know how it is! Tomorrow is another patriarchal, misogynist day and it won't be our faults when we think you're crying wolf again simply because we've learned to take women's words less seriously than men's for no real reason and, I mean, your tits are right there under that shirt and jacket, you lascivious vixen you!" Oh yeah, also Chad kills his dad to save Black Canary's life. And his dad was finally proud of him! Is that toxic masculinity? Black Canary: New Wings #4 Rating: A. A well written book that mostly looks good too. Sometimes people look weird and I wonder if somebody was slacking on the pencils or inks because they were doing a load of cocaine at the time. And other times, Black Canary's ass was totally hanging out there which didn't make me think about the male gaze at all. It just made me think, "Look at that fine ass!" But then, 90% of my thoughts any given day are simply "Look at that fine ass!" Except when I'm near a schoolyard, you perv. Then most of my thoughts are, "Please don't make fun of my clothes, you delinquents!" The only complaint I have about this comic book is that it didn't have enough Seattle in it.

[weneverlearn]

R.I.P. Grant Hart

When some kind of celebrity death occurs -- and that “celebrity” can be Prince or Paul Hamann -- there’s often a genuinely heartfelt and/or morbid need to reach out and tell someone. Add the internet into that instinct, and this human action takes on more strange, conflicted, even narcissistic layers.

I woke up yesterday to a text about Grant Hart having passed away. I told myself my girlfriend was awake, and gently tapped her on the shoulder to tell her. She has been working a lot lately, and it was probably best to let her sleep and talk about this later. Telling her, telling anyone wasn’t going to bring Grant Hart back. Basically I just confused her, though she sweetly said “Sorry,” and went back to sleep, somehow.

The emotions were flooding through me, and it was one of numerous deaths that have occurred in my sphere of late, so the usual sinking heart feeling sunk as low as it’s been in awhile (and that’s saying something in this Trump era). One song popped in my head, “Think It Over Now,” from Hart’s excellent 1999 solo album, Good News for Modern Man. In a sea of great Grant Hart songs, it’s Ronettes-meets-rainstorm ramble makes it one of my favorites of his, and it’s positive message helped instantly assuage some sadness. I posted it on Facebook for whatever fucking reason, and went to work, unable to think about much else the rest of the day, into today, and I don’t know, maybe from now on.

It feels awkward to make a celebrity death personal with some tossed-out Facebook post. But I am at that point now in my life where the passing of such monumental artistic figures starts to occur closer to you, more frequently, and it’s inevitable that it spurs you to seek comfort from just telling others why this death is monumental. I mean, in my early 20s, if I had heard the bassist in the Johnny Burnette Trio died, oh, that’s sad. But had that bassist been close to my age, had I seen that bassist play live, got to hang out with him a bit, cranked his records through headphones throughout my teens, well...

It was early summer, 1985, I was 17, about butt-deep into a growing pile of records, increasingly punk records, and my au currant desire was to “get into hardcore.” I mean it was all over college radio, Cleveland had a decent scene of it (although in that odd Ohio-y, weather-beaten way), and I just thought, well, that’s what a guy like me should be doing right now. So I went to my local rack jobber and asked him for a great new hardcore album, and he hands me New Day Rising.

I took it home and played it, but I was a bit nonplussed. This wasn’t the bald-head dude screaming in a circle pit shit I thought I was searching for. It was loud and fast for sure, but not the polka-beat, the government and your parents suck spiel. Instead, as I noticed while I self-surprisingly kept playing the record over and over for the next week, was an instantly recognizable melancholy, damp atmosphere, and intense energy I’d already loved from midwest acts. Husker Du just felt like me and lots of strangers I was starting to get to know at Cleveland punk shows -- already a bit beaten by long winters, mall jobs, and terrible sports teams we didn’t care about, but you live in Cleveland, so you’re going to hear about the fucking Browns whether you like it or not. My image was the three Huskers sitting in their dank basement, from about the first week of October until the first week of March, with a space heater sparking in the corner, complaining about fucking jocks, drinking the cheapest local beer, excited only about the tunes they were coming up with, grasping for hopes maybe winter will end early this year (the last week of February), but knowing for sure it’s just gonna come around again anyway, so whatever, let’s go through that new one again.

I already knew enough about the California-based SST Records to know a shlubby band from Minneapolis with cutoff shorts and an almost sobbing seriousness to their loud fast rules, featuring lyrics about folklore and summer ending, was not that label’s raison d’etre. No doubt most of their bands had shitty lives, crappy parents, drug problems, and whatever. But to me, nothing I’d heard on that label (save some Black Flag), had this depth of pathos and seething spirit. I mean come on, it’s California. You don’t spend your teens hanging out on beaches and seeing pretty girls all the time all year and think, “Damn, remember those good times we had? Fuck! Where’s my copy of Being and Nothingness?!” (Well, maybe the Minutemen did.)

Indeed, from what I understood through the grape, er, hops-vine of the time, many diehard SST fans didn’t dig Husker Du. (Someone did, because I think Husker Du was the best selling act on SST, but you record scholars can correct me on that.) To me they were a sudden, jarring connection between the jangle of ‘60s folk and garage rock -- meaning they were contemporaries more with R.E.M. than Saccharine Trust or what have you -- and a huge leap into some fuzzed-out new world of extreme emotional and sonic confessional. Even moreso than the, truth be told, kind of cute Replacements, Husker Du were the gnarled heart pumping to where punk could grasp towards, to survive not just the winters but encroaching adulthood abyss. Even their name, from an old board game (fun!) that translated to “Do You Remember?” (sad), was reflective. They were 20-year olds and already nostalgic, wistful. But their own apocalyptic Reagan-era shakes were vibrating them out of that basement. They toured like fucking crazy, rust belt work ethic and all; and with hooks that finally put a relevant nail in skinny tie power pop’s coffin.    

New Day Rising has mostly remained my favorite Husker Du album since, the opening title tune being my favorite opener on any album (save maybe “I’m Stranded” by the Saints). But their whole catalog is worth churning through. And it wasn’t just Grant Hart’s massively manic drum pounds that hit you hard, but his and Bob Mould’s strained, splitting-at-the-edges voices. Like their Minneapolis contemporaries (Replacements, Soul Asylum, Magnolias), they sounded like they were incredibly pissed off and ready to fight, to the point of tears. Not to belabor the midwest/California dichotomy, but the Offspring never struck me as tearful guys.

Of course soon enough I gathered, via unexplainable gut impressions and gossipy fanzine articles, that there were gay men in Husker Du. And there’s no doubt that the usual animosity towards jocks for this punk band left larger scars.

The scar I personally got from their records was a band. When I first met New Bomb Turks’s guitarist Jim Weber at our college dorm, one of the earliest conversations centered on how Jim couldn’t get to the Warehouse tour stop in Cleveland, and hence never got to see Husker Du. I’d seen them twice, regaled Jim with some details, and made tapes of the Husker Du albums he didn’t have. You can ask him, but I think Bob Mould was his biggest early guitar inspiration. And further discussions involved the gender identity of the band, though being early-20s guys in the late ‘80s, we probably didn’t talk about “gender identity” as much as how/when we were called the ol’ “f”word in high school, and how the Huskers must have dealt with tons of awful shit from the more unseemly sides of the hardcore scene. 

Husker Du was a favorite band, but also our introduction to really thinking about these issues that were still pretty swept under the turkey at the family Thanksgiving meal back then. We were both raised Catholic, so...

So, Grant Hart. After the Warehouse show at the Phantasy Theater in Cleveland in summer 1987 (they would break up soon after the end of that tour), I made my way to the adjacent upstairs bar, whose backroom was being used as a backstage. I saw Grant and said, “Great show!” He looked at me a little cockeyed, then turned around, asking, “Does anyone have any heroin around here?” So, that was that.

I loved his 2541 EP from 1988, the first post-Husker Du release. By then I was best friends with the first friend to ever come out to me; and that happening right around the release of that EP, well, one should always appreciate life’s teachable serendipity.

Then, the first time I ever went to New York City and first time I went to CBGB in 1989 with said out pal, the first band I saw there was Hart’s Nova Mob. (Well, technically Run Westy Run opened up.) They were pretty good, and I was glad to see Hart still going at it, but it seemed soon enough that he wasn’t. Didn’t hear much except sporadic solo stuff after Nova Mob split up, and given the usual rumors, figured he was done. But then my band was pretty busy those years, and I was soaking up tons of new bands, so who knows.

Then, in mid-summer 1999, I get a request from an editor at the Cleveland Free Times to write a preview for Grant Hart’s solo show in Cleveland, and found out he’d be playing Columbus a couple days before. So we hooked up a meeting, which is a whole other story for another post, or if I had the power, a movie. It was a strange couple of days, involving breaking into the trunk of the early ‘80s Cadillac he was touring in (”Got it from Rent-a-Wreck, seriously”), the club, Bernie’s, not paying him what they promised, Hart rightly taking a monitor as payment (probably not worth the $250 he was guaranteed), and me getting a call from him at 3 a.m. asking to be a character witness in court on Monday. Nice dinner with him in there too.

After relative (college) radio silence for a few years, I didn’t know what to expect of the show, and without going into details, let’s just say this seemed like a “rent tour.” Hart was fairly disheveled, but super nice. He’d recently become close with Patti Smith, and I guess she told him her parents last names were Grant and Hart, and that once she heard of him, she took that as a sign from the stars to work with him. Anyway, standing in Berne’s with like 10 other people watching him, I was utterly floored once again. His voice was just teeming with the weight of all those slushy winters. I just kept thinking, this is unbelievable how intense he is, and how good these songs are, and how no one even in my circle of music heps even knew this show was happening, in the middle of summer no less, when campus is pretty dead anyway. Unfortunately, a horrible flu had also floored me, a 102 temperature, and I could only stay about four songs of his set before heading home to sweat in bed. “Ah, I’ll see him again.” That was the last time I saw him play.

R.I.P. Grant Hart.

[commander-yinello]

The Matchmakers - Part 12

It's been 80 years...... Finally a new chapter! So sorry for the wait, JuZen week and other things have absolutely swarmed us, but finally we can get back on track! <3 I hope you enjoy, as always @setthestarsxnfire and I worked on this part!

Jumin Han: Yoosung, can I ask a favor of you?

Yoosung★: Sure, what is it?

ZEN: Don’t do it Yoosung, he will probably try to put you in debt

Jumin Han: STFU Zen. Jumin Han: I have to travel to Singapore for a business meeting. Jumin Han: Could you take care of Elizabeth the 3rd for two days?

ZEN: I take it back, accept the offer and chuck that furball out of a window

Jumin Han: Were it not for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.

V: Jumin!

MC: Please stop >.<

Jaehee Kang: ;;;;;

Yoosung★: Sure, if you guys stop fighting

Jumin Han: Thank you, and no, Zen deserves to be put in his place.

ZEN: D:< God I hate you!!

Jumin Han: You can stay in the penthouse for the time being. Jumin Han: Feel free to bring someone along, let it not be said I cannot be generous. Jumin Han: Not Seven.

707: Oh come on!!!

Jumin Han: Oh, and the alarm can be kind of tricky so be wary of that.

Yoosung★: Ah okay ;; I think I know who can help

Jumin Han: Good, I’ll be off then.

- Jumin Han has logged out -

ZEN: FUCK this dude I’m so mad I’m leaving

- ZEN has logged out -

- Private Mode activated -

V: Thanks Saeran, I was just about to ask

MC: Their fighting is killing me x.x

Saeran: I really think we should wait with a new plan until their feud ends

Jaehee Kang: I’m not sure I agree.

Yoosung★: While you guys think this out, I’m gonna prepare for the penthouse

707: Are you going to bring someone (pick me! I need to see Elly)

Saeran: Idiot brother =.=

Yoosung★: Haha, well…

***

- Private Messaging; Jumin Han, ZEN -

ZEN: Wow I can’t believe you’d trust Elizabeth and your penthouse to two young men just for our plan

Jumin Han: Yoosung and Saeran are good kids, I trust them. Jumin Han: Plus I have security cameras in the living room, we can spy on them

ZEN: There’s the babe I know <3

Jumin Han: It still feels weird when you call me that. Jumin Han: I like it.

ZEN: Good ZEN: I will miss you, you know

Jumin Han: Let me bring you on a trip next time.

ZEN: Only if I pay my half

Jumin Han: Always stubborn but the earnesty suits you. Jumin Han: I promise to call on this Skype app you recommended and we can watch those two hopefully get together

ZEN: Excellent, we can both see how I will win the bet

Jumin Han: You mean how I will win. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

ZEN: omg and here I thought only Seven used that emoji

***

“All we have to do is make sure the cat is fed, not thirsty and that she doesn’t go out, right?” He asked, watching as Yoosung placed down the huge bag of expensive cat food next to Elizabeth’s bowl.

Saeran still couldn’t believe the cat’s bowl was made of crystal, and it had fucking diamonds like decoration. While he ate in plastic plates most of the times.

“Yeah, and we have to keep her happy. Pets tend to get nostalgic without their owner around, and sometimes they refuse to eat as often as they need to.” Yoosung said, crouching down to pet the white cat as she ate her food. “Oh, and I almost forgot,” Saeran heard him mutter, and then he and Yoosung were staring into each other’s eyes. “Thank you for agreeing to come with me, I honestly didn’t feel like asking anyone else.”

The redhead couldn’t help but feel happy about that, it was nice to have someone feel that way about him. And no, there was no blush covering his cheeks nor was there a warm feeling spreading in his chest and stomach, hell no.

Although he had to admit that he was surprised when Yoosung had texted him right after lover boy number one had asked him to watch over the cat. It made him both nervous and happy to know that the blonde wanted him for company, and not only because the alarm of the penthouse was difficult to deal with.

He quickly stopped thinking about that to answer Yoosung, with a small smile on his face. “Sure, I like spending time with you. And the cat.” The last thing came out quickly, and perhaps a little bit forced, but Yoosung didn’t seem to notice, and Saeran was incredibly glad about that.

“I like spending time with you too! It’s nice, and you’re the only friend I have that plays videogames without cheating. Saeyoung installed multiple codes in LOLOL and that’s probably why he’s number one in the server.” Yoosung looked so upset and cute, it became impossible for Saeran not to laugh.

Wait.

Did he just think Yoosung was cute?

He looked back at the blonde, who was now scratching under the cat’s neck and sweet talking to her.

Well, it isn’t a lie.

After that, Yoosung and he spent hours playing LOLOL, petting Elizabeth when she approached them to sit in either one of their laps. It was nice, and he was glad that the cat liked him. The whole day consisted in them playing video games together, watching movies, and once or twice they went out to the balcony to look around, although they made sure to close the door. Jumin would scream at them if Elizabeth was ever out there.

Saeran would lie later, but he caught himself staring at Yoosung more than once.

He just couldn’t take his eyes off the blonde. He couldn’t look away from how the boy acted around him, around the cat, while they played LOLOL, and he was a bit more wild when he played video games, which was both hilarious and scary. Saeran must be losing his mind, because he kept thinking that everything Yoosung did was adorable, and he just loved to stare when the blonde smiled. It was like seeing the a little sun, warm and bright.

… It was incredibly hard to admit it.

But he liked Yoosung Kim, and not just as a friend.

He went to sleep that night thinking over and over just how soft Yoosung’s hair would feel under his hand. And how tender the blond’s lips looked.

Saeran had issues.

***

The next morning Yoosung woke up early. Dazed, and still sleepy enough to get scared for a minute when he realized he wasn't in his room.

After that he had gotten ready and went to have breakfast with an even more sleepy yet cute Saeran.

They decided to binge watch movies after that. And that's where they were currently.

The boy next to him shifted nervously in the couch, and Yoosung hoped nothing wrong was going on with Saeran, that would be worrying. He didn’t want Saeran to be upset in any kind of way, because it made him upset as well. And the game addict knew perfectly well why that was, he wasn’t dumb.

He had fallen in love with Saeran Choi.

But, let’s be honest, how couldn’t he? The redhead was always there for him, like the time, a week ago when they were doing the project with the website. Yoosung could have sworn they were going to kiss, but he was glad they didn’t, it would have been awkward.

At least at that moment... right now? The blonde wasn’t so sure. But then he started to remember all the things he had gone through with Saeran, from meeting each other, to that awkward coffee meeting with Zen, and the latest night they had spent texting each other until one of them fell asleep. It was sweet, the kind of thing you would expect two people that loved each other.

Oh boy, Yoosung definitely wanted that to happen, but not if Saeran didn't.

… He could risk it all now, or close his mouth for good. Well, he was a gamer, and he knew that you had to be brave if you ever wanted good things to you. Or at least that’s what he got from the Legend Of Zelda.

The final credits from Pirates of the Caribbean started to roll on the screen, and Saeran turned to him. Yoosung expected the blush creeping up his cheeks even before he felt it.

“I have something to tell you.” They both said at the same time, and their eyes widened in surprise at that. Yoosung ignored how his heart was pounding hard on his chest because of that.

“Go ahead.” Saeran mumbled, shrugging.

“No, no, you first.” He insisted, placing his hand in from of him and shaking them as if to prove his point.

“Yoosung.” Holy shit, it made his stomach twist when the boy said his name.

“Saeran.” Yoosung said, mimicking Saeran’s tone, and even tried to do the damos death glare, which of course, didn't work. It actually got the redhead to chuckle.

“You know what, Yoosung? Why don't we do it at the same time?” The older boy in front of him said, and he nodded. The redhead noticed and opened his litunagain to speak. “On the count of three.”

They both took deep breaths.

“One… Two… Three.”

“I love you.”

The two young adults had said that at the same time, and both of them seemed equally surprised by what the other had admitted. Saeran was thinking it was all too good to be true, and Yoosung was incredibly surprised yet joyous. But both boy’s hearts were beating hard on their chests.

Saeran reacted first, looking happy yet puzzled. “My ears must be betraying me but did you say the L word?”

Yoosung laughed, a huge smile on his lips. “I should be asking you that. You're not the type to say those kind of things.”

Saeran blushed and turned away, he covered his mouth with the back of his hand, they both knew Yoosung was right. “Only around you.” The redhead whispered, smirking.

That made Yoosung’s stomach flip like a pancake thrown off from the frying pan. “So, does that make us boyfriends? A couple?”

Saeran hummed, shifting on the couch so that his legs pointing at Yoosung, and he opened them wide. He did the same with his arms. “Come here.”

Yoosung wasted no time in going over there and snuggling around Saeran’s chest. They had done that before, when they used to watch horror movies with Saeyoung, but right now, it was special.

The redhead laughed a little, and when Yoosung asked, he explained that he had thought about running his hands through the blonde’s hair the last night.

The blonde blushed, but still shifted so that his fr- boyfriend’s hand was on top of his head.

They decided to continue their movie session by watching Avengers, a film they both loved.

***

“DAMN IT!” Zen burst out, slamming his fists down on the couch while on the other side of his screen Jumin chuckled.

“I guess we both won.”

“Both lost, you mean.” The actor crossed his arms, the laptop on his lap nearly falling off. Jumin on the skype call simply shrugged, the office background emphasizing his black suit.

It was nice of the executive to call him on his break. Zen sneakily wondered if Jumin had been watching the CCTV of his penthouse’s living room constantly, seeing as he called Zen moments before Yoosung and Saeran confessed, or if it had been a coincidence. He put his money on the former - he had been doing the same thing after all.

Jumin was hardly upset, instead hastily typing away on his own laptop. The soft pling caught Zen’s attention and he took a look at the Skype chatbox, shocked to find a link of an agenda there, with a date booked for the end of the week and his name and a doctor’s name in full written below.

“You already booked an appointment for me? Jumin, what the hell?” The actor bristled. How arrogant did Jumin have to be to think he would have won anyway?

The executive actually looked bashful. “I got a bit too excited and jumped the gun. I promise, I would have cancelled, had you won.”

Zen relaxed a little. Jumin did seem earnest. He brushed a hand through his silver hair. “...I suppose even if you lost, I would have still gone to the doctor.” Really, he didn’t hate cats, it was just hard to be around them and back when he thought he disliked Jumin, he couldn’t have cared less. But now he wanted to be closer to Jumin… And the way Jumin’s eyes lit up from the idea of Elizabeth and him together made his heart beat a million times a minute.

The wide smile on the raven-haired man gave him the same feeling, his face warming up from the handsome sight. “And you need to start brushing up on your cooking skills.” He winked, making Jumin tug at his tie. Zen loved it when Jumin did that because of him.

“Will you teach me how to make commoner pancakes?” Jumin touched the screen, as if he were touching Zen and it made the actor miss him even more.

“All the commoner food.” He promised, returning the gesture. Jumin would be back tomorrow, they could already get started.

After a bit of sassy flirting, Jumin announced he had to get back to work. Zen took a peek at the corner of his screen where the CCTV happily displayed the new couple watching their movie, which got him wondering what was going to happen next.

“So now that Yoosung and Saeran are settled, should we tell the RFA about us?”

“No, not yet. I am pretty sure they will try to hide it, shy as they are. Plus I think it’s time we helped my assistant realize her feelings for a certain newcomer of the RFA.”

[gutterballgt]

Some thoughts about IT.

Kneejerk first reaction: I loved it. It was nostalgic (both because I'm a child of the 80s and because I've read the book about a hundred times) and tense and filled with the helpless sense of doom, of fate, that so often permeated the book. The visual effects are flawless and enhance every unearthly scene. I left the theater satisfied and with only one complaint.

Spoilers below!

The only major complaint I have with this film is when Beverly, who is a total badass throughout the whole film, suddenly gets taken by Pennywise and used as bait, the helpless damsel, to get the boys to come after her. Even if that was the plot of the book, I would've expected it to be updated for a modern audience, so it being a complete deviation from the book's plot made it even more glaring a miscalculation.

Yes, she proved she wasn't scared of Pennywise and, thus, was sent to the deadlights instead of killed, but seriously. Why her? Why not Eddie, who spent the whole movie complaining about germs and filth and was so scared of everything? Why not Stan, who only believed because he literally had no other choice than to believe his own senses?

But no. Pennywise kidnaps the girl, who just beat the shit out of her own creepy-perv, abusive father and has been a BAMF the whole movie. Because girls.

That was disappointing. It didn't ruin the movie, exactly, but I was definitely disappointed, even in the moment. It was a bad look in an otherwise amazing movie.

ANYWAY.

Now that it's been a couple of days since I saw it (and I've watched the old TV miniseries and picked the book up again), I do see a few things that I missed from a new adaptation: namely, all of their specific talents. Maybe it was too hard to fit them into a responsible running time for a film, but why wasn't Ben an engineering genius? They didn't spend as much time in the Barrens in the film as in either the book or the miniseries, so I get why they didn't build the dam, but... that’s how he becomes rich and famous later in life. It’s what made him successful.

And why wasn't Beverly learning to draw from her father, illustrating the painful, confusing methodology of the abuser, as so glaringly drawn in the book? Her father could be kind and generous and loving... but he could also be the cruel, lecherous abuser, which was why so many women can't leave their abusive husbands. Why, in fact, Beverly always chose men who treated her like a queen until they treated her like a punching bag. Her learning to draw was the promising bud of her becoming a massively successful fashion designer later, so why is it missing?

And Bill and his storytelling. He becomes a hugely popular horror novelist later in life, unconsciously writing about his childhood horrors, but he was always a storyteller, always charismatic even with the stutter. Why was that absent?

Eddie's uncanny sense of direction. It saved their lives in the sewers, how he always knew which tunnel to pick, always knew where Derry's dark and brutal heart lie, always knew the way to go. He became a fantastically wealthy professional driver in one of the most difficult-to-navigate cities in the world with that ability. Completely absent from the film.

They did sort of mention Richie's impressions, but only in the large sense that he's a joker and a smartass. They mostly focused on him being inappropriate and hilarious (often both at the same time, which was priceless), but again, his impressions are what make him a hugely successful entertainer later in life.

Given that their adult successes -- compared to Mike's bare-bones existence and lack of any wealth or fame because he stayed behind in Derry -- were yet another sign that It's mark was still upon them, that their business wasn't through... why were these important character traces absent?

Given that it was their extraordinarily imaginative minds that both drew It to them and allowed them to defeat him, why is that almost completely missing?

I mean, it doesn't RUIN the film. In fact, anyone who hasn't read the book would never know that element was gone. Traci and Kobie (the friends that went with me) certainly didn't, and neither of them had read the book. Both LOVED the movie, and I'm trying to foist the novel off on them for more context for what they saw, but neither of them are big readers.

But for anyone who knows the overarching story -- part of which they're definitely hoping to bring to bear in the almost inevitable sequel -- it's a puzzling omission. Not a story-killer, but definitely a head-scratcher.

Don't get me wrong: some of the changes they made are good ones. Excellent, even. I loved the floating kids in It’s lair, not only because "we all float down here" but because it implies that the vast, extradimensional spiderweb in It's chamber is truly extradimensional and, thus, invisible on this plane.

And I totally get moving the entrance to the sewers from the Barrens to the house on Neibolt Street. It's way easier to make a creepy old house look foreboding and was probably way cheaper than filming out in the boonies. I did miss all the fun and games (and the genius underground clubhouse and the smokehole ceremony) and fear they had out in the Barrens, but I get it.

And it was a BRILLIANT choice to have this new Pennywise actor focus on inflections, twitches, and mannerisms instead of trying to recreate Tim Curry's manic, evil cheer from the miniseries. Bill Skarsgård has such a looming way of standing, and the weirdly over-sized head compared to the normal-sized face was visually disturbing. The contortionist moves... yeah. Creepy as fuck.

The visual effects are glorious. The jumpscares aren't either cheap or hackneyed but always well-planned and well-executed. The sustained tension, that brooding sense of wrong-and-getting-wronger, the interspersed "kids being kids" and "holy shit EXISTENTIAL TERROR" is beautiful.

It's a great horror film. It's nostalgic as fuck. It gets the damn point across, and I hope hope hope there will be a sequel with the adult half of the story and a lot more focus on the Lovecraftian nature of the original book.

Everything else (except the "damsel in sudden and unnecessary distress" thing) is quibbling with details.

Go watch it. You won't regret it.

But you might have nightmares.