#but so did i because i didn’t give her any solid motivation for what she does

[dancingcapybaras]

idk how you fanfic writers do it

literally wrote an excerpt for something and i really like it, but i can’t write anything else

it’s like i squeezed all of my brain juices onto something that’s only two pages

like how do i motivate myself more so i can lore drop the silly characters that have made me pace around for hours while talking to the air like a madman

[dozing-marshmallow]

BAKING WITH TOTAL DRAMA CHARACTERS SCENARIOS

(Photos aren’t mine by the way!)

BAKING WITH LINDSAY

(AS A BIRTHDAY SURPRISE)

You were surprised when she told you she didn’t have a mani-pedi appointment today. As if the day couldn’t be more convenient.

In Lindsay’s world, there was no such thing as baking unless it was done for her. And she was no expert in cooking either, which is why she was hesitant to bake.

“I don’t get it... Why am I putting four eggs in when five is my lucky number?”

Yep. As long as she was in the kitchen you could not let your guard down.

“What are you saying? What’s with all this flour? And this butter? Is that supposed to help me remember it?”

Alright, you both definitely didn’t have the same image in mind,“Remember what, Lindsay? We’re baking.”

“Ohh bake!” See? “I thought you meant pake, you know like password authenticated blah blah... Oh I’m soooo happy that wasn’t the case, you really aren’t complicated in that way, (Y/M)!”

She still messes your name up sometimes. But on the bright side, her motivation and inner child was found.

She loved pouring the sprinkles into the batter and tried her best to not break any when mixing.

You strictly put yourself in charge of dividing the batter evenly between each tin and swapping them around fifteen minutes within oven baking.

In the meantime, Lindsay managed to get started on the icing- not without constant confirmation that she was doing it right. Seems like she learnt a lot already.

All was looking well, until you noticed something out of place in the bowl. Feeling icky, you carefully extract it,”Lindsay... Is this your hair?”

“Oops...”

You fixed her hair into various styles until the timer went off.

She was gasping in amazement to how solid and fragrant they came out, asking if she could just eat them like that, and you don’t blame her.

Fast forward to icing the layer in between the combined cake and it as a whole, you were about done preparing the piping bag from a separate bowl of icing when she suddenly pleaded to do it.

Anxious, you handed it over to her. Your worry about any mistake she could make was short lived when remembering that even if it did come out slobbery, you know that her intentions were pure and it’s not like anyone else was going to eat the cake anyway. Until watching her actually pipe made you realise she was no amateur:

She was way better at it than you expected.

Seriously, her flowering and swirls were so high in symmetry, it was practically perfect!

“Duhhh! I do makeup! Hair and makeup! I’m like basically holding a curler, ooo I wonder if I could use this bag to style my hair instead? This has to be Victoria’s Secret to smelling so good!”

Logic never went well with Lindsay’s talents. And that was fine with you.

“Taa-da!” She cheers out,”Ohh it’s so pretty... I almost don’t wanna eat it!”

You congratulated Lindsay for her fruitful efforts and asked if she knew why you wanted to bake a cake with her specifically on that day.

“Because you like like me?” Her response after her time of self complimenting over the finish product was done.

“Yes, and also...” This is it.

You grabbed your 1 candle and 7 candle, placing them next to each other on top of the cake.

She watched as you lit them up in seconds, and without warning, the occasion hit her.

“Ohh right! Now I know why my Facebook’s blowing up like crazy today! It’s today!” As though the piped cursive writing of her name on top of the cake didn’t tell her too, but when she started clapping her hands together with that big smile on her shiny lips, it made up for it,”Yaaay! Seventy one today! Can’t believe how long it’s been since I first picked up a magazine. And was born, can’t forget about that, duh. Uh oh. Does that mean I’ll get frail and wrinkles now? Aww I don’t wanna give up tanning! Not yet!”

“You don’t need to worry about that for now, Lindsay, because it actually says seventeen. You’re seventeen today, and for another three hundred and sixty five days. Happy birthday, baby.” ⟡

BAKING WITH GWEN

(HELPING HER OUT)

“A pie, huh? Which flavour you thinking, apple, blueber-“

“Blackcurrant. We’ll be making a blackcurrant pie... that okay with you?”

When Gwen told you that her clique were hosting a get together party, you were almost as enthusiastic as she was.

But...

Because this was Gwen’s first time going to a party, she never thought she would have to worry about oven temperatures and accurate measurements up until now where the group agreed to whip up something individually that everyone could all share and eat.

That’s why she came to you with this dilemma! Her one and only.

Definitely not so she could simultaneously spend time with you.

You believed the thought process behind her choice of baking a blackcurrant pie was genius: the lattice crust on top could mimic a spiderweb and the colour behind itself was the real thing that appealed to the goth eye.

At the start, Gwen was nervous. She never did this kind of stuff before and didn’t want to screw it up, especially if her friends were going to eat it.

That’s why you suggested: I’ll make the crust, you can make the blackcurrant filling.

Oh how she loved crushing the blackcurrants,“Just imagining it’s Heather’s head right now.” She said with a smile.

Isn’t she so cute!

After pouring the sauce in the base, Gwen’s ambition really skyrocketed- you couldn’t deny how happy you felt when she insisted on making the perpendicular crust for the top, and that was just one example.

Even with all the red on her hands, she really was an artist.

“This is fun! It’s really like painting! Only with dough and fruit.”

Now, all the pie needed was no more than thirty minutes in the oven. To pass the time, you guys decided to do some drawing in her bedroom.

And it came out beautifully! The crust was golden brown and the blackcurrant juices were steaming with sweet flavour. Delicious... You can tell by Gwen’s eyes that she can’t wait to sink her teeth into a slice of it.

But her craving was quickly replaced by annoyance, upon realising how messy the countertop and floor was.

You cheekily remind her that she could’ve just bought something and passed it off as hers if she didn’t want to go through the trouble of cleaning everything up.

“Y-You think I would do something like that just so I wouldn’t need to clean? Jeez, I’m not that bad! I couldn’t handle the dreading guilt of doing that to them. Besides, I made it with you. That alone already tops off any other pie I could have bought instead.” <3

BAKING WITH ALEJANDRO

(IN CELEBRATION OF A SPANISH FESTIVITY)

“It would be an utmost honour, mi tesoro.”

In light of his Spanish roots, you were going to be baking “Pan de Cea” which was some kind of bread that’s traditionally made in favour of this summer festival called “festa de exaltación”.

You couldn’t wait! However, because you weren’t so familiar with bread baking, you were naturally amazed by Alejandro having known the entire recipe off by heart.

“No need to be ashamed. Unlike my love for you, this recipe will be very easy for you to understand.”

And what would be a day with Alejandro without his charming lines?

You loved and hated the warm effect they had on you, even more so when they escalated to a physical level.

He loves to stand right behind you, with his hand being on yours when you were mixing the yeast, the flour, the salt, the olive oil together... 

He’d pour the water so majestically into the bowl and took over when your arm got tired of stirring.

After the dough was hard, he claimed that you’d have to leave it in the bowl under plastic wrap for a day,“I know I’d feel safe if you stayed here all day with this dough, your beauty is the perfect thing to maintain a high temperature.”

Pretending you weren’t flustered, he laughed and invited you to get churros with him to make up for the spare time- it was only fitting.

Timeskip to the next day where the dough was hard, just how it needed to be on the parchment paper. Two minutes of watching Alejandro rub the dough in olive oil felt like two hours with the frequent looks he shoots at you.

Once he’s done, he pampers you by also literally massaging you during the hour needed for the bread to rise. Guess he thought you got jealous of it.

Jealous was a stretch, but you didn’t think you’d groan when it was time to take the loaf out. At least it smelt as pleasant as it looked.

As you were about take a piece, Alejandro stopped your hand with his to take it for you instead. This was nothing out of the ordinary, Alejandro just enjoyed having the liberty to feed you like that.

“Delicious... You did so well...”

“Don’t hold yourself at such low standards, mi amor! We did very well. Words alone aren’t enough to describe how proud I am of you. Feliz festa de exaltación.”

“Happy exaltation party!”

For the first time in your relationship with him, he was the one caught off guard,”Did I say it in English before?”

¡Era canela fina! ///

BAKING WITH CHRIS

(JUST WANTING TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM)

Initially, he would accuse the activity something only for “peasants” to do so you quickly reminded him that it was an insensitive thing to say and it wasn’t always about material things; sometimes it’s just about wanting to spend time with him outside Total Drama.

Once he’s gotten over his pride, he joins you, on the condition that you made cookies- since, according to him, it requires the less mental strength.

This probably won’t be surprising, but he made you do most of the work (at first). Claimed that his hands would be “soiled” if he touched the “filthy” ingredients for too long.

In the beginning, he was mean spirited as Chris enjoys to be i.e pouring a handful of flour down your clothes, forcing your face down the sink with the tap on, general shoving.

You wouldn’t have minded if you could’ve also had a laugh whenever you tried to recite the treatment.

Yeah he would be seriously insulted if you tried even doing something as little as rubbing a chocolate chip against his cheek.

It wasn’t until you threw an egg at his head out of anger and watched the yolk oil down his hair where he took accountability that he went overboard. Sure, he was laughing while he did.

But his hair was ruined for the rest of the baking process so you were too.

Afterwards, there was less “joking” and more compassion. Somehow now that he temporarily moved past his sadist ways, Chris began to involve himself a lot more in the whisking and licking your finger and vice versa of leftover batter.

The rolling of dough into a collection of spheres was arguably the best part.

“Look Chris! I made one that looks just like you!” You held up a cookie circle, obvious that those two lines of dough were purposely added to be on top to mimic his hair.

“Oh? What a coincidence! I made one that looks just like you too!” He declared, revealing a sticky slob of dough in his hand right after he said that.

“Oi...” You smile helplessly,”That’s not a nice thing to say to your spouse.”

But hey, if he didn’t tease at all, was that really Chris?

Post setting them on the tray and into the oven, Chris immediately rushes to the shower, and by the time he’s done, you were on your fifth cookie.

He whined at you for not waiting for him, but you’re quick to hand the one you’re on to him.

He finishes it, not without reminding you that you were the only exception to treating him like a “regular” person. Which in his books, was a deadly sin.

Needless to say, he’s impressed; despite him letting on so little, you’ve been with this man long enough to know otherwise. You could only smirk when he makes dismissive claims that they would’ve came out better if it was just him making them as he took spontaneous sips of his glass of milk.

By the end, he’s really glad you had this time together. He won’t stop thinking about it for a while. Heck, he’s more excited about baking with you again than you are.

Even if he won’t admit it.

Yet. :)

[houseofbrat]

Have it on good authority that Angelina was known as crazy at the UN by many of the staff members, and the actual reason she left is because she demanded to be made a Diplomat instead of Goodwill Ambassador and gave them an ultimatum, make me a Diplomat or I will leave. They said no, and she left.

Angelina has such a long history of using her children in the press I can't believe more people aren't critical of this.

Not taking away from what a nightmare Brad is, obviously he sucks.

Thank you for bringing this up. I have heard similar things from friends working in international aid organizations often contracted to work with the UN. Also, remember all of the press and accolades she received due to her association with William Hague and how they created an Initiative for violence against women in conflict zones? It was basically abandoned shortly after its creation. Granted Hague retired so she shouldn’t shoulder the entire blame, but considering Angelina continues to receive special treatment as an actress who isn’t like the rest of Hollywood — sHe AcTuAlLy CaReS — I find it astounding that this has had no impact on her. If she needed to take a step back due to family or health issues, that’s okay! It doesn’t take a lot to do a handoff to other (more qualified and capable!) individuals and cut a check and continue to support with fundraising. But to have an independent governmental body say that you’re “letting down survivors” due to your inaction or lack of interest is absolutely something that deserves attention.

Here’s a Guardian article which gives a great summary: https://amp.theguardian.com/global-development/2020/jan/09/letting-survivors-down-criticism-for-william-hague-angelina-jolie-sexual-violence-in-war-zones-scheme

And here’s the report: https://icai.independent.gov.uk/psvi/

Also have it on good will that when she visited the Houses of Parliament she was a diva nightmare from hell, so there’s that too

Her move to the UN was motivated by public relations. She contacted them and pitched that she be a representative for Unicef, the UN agency that provide humanitarian aid children. The UN said no. Her image at that point wasn't what the UN wanted associated with children. So she ended up working for refugees.

Not surprised by this at all. I knew a few people who did international aid work in various places and Jolie was well known as a opportunistic fake who came, took pictures, and then returned to her 5 star hotel.

I know someone who knew Brad and AJ in similar circles and his biggest takeaway is how very “not bright” they both are.

I’ve posted about this before and most people don’t believe me but that’s ok .. Brad wanted the kids to be disciplined, in school, not be spoiled - and Angelina wanted to be their bestie, buying whatever they wanted and letting them do whatever they wanted. Now she just talks shit about him, brainwashing them into to believing he’s the devil. He’s not perfect by any stretch, but from what I know, she’s way worse than what is presented in the media. Very manipulative, calculating and nasty. Source: I’m an almost 60 year old woman who used to work in the entertainment industry and still have many friends in their circle.

Everything you say! I have two solid sources who are a-list and one of them works with her, the other share a team member. Shes a menace. Im team no one but their kids but truly she is dangerously manipulative. Perfect example she paid someone to build her fashion line, promised them co-creator credit and when it was time for it to be debuted in Vogue, called the editor and specifically said don’t name the main designer. The main designer found it and when confronted Angelina continuously denied and eventually pretended it didn’t even happen. Shes not all there. Source: been in industry for two decades and around these two quite a bit

This is essentially what I had heard as well. He had a more traditional approach to parenting, like set bedtimes, cooked family meals together, time-outs when the kids acted up, asking them to do their share of chores, etc. and she just didn’t believe in any of it. It was a constant source of friction. He was supposedly really unhappy that the kids ate a lot of junk and fast food as their meals. And yes, when things tanked between them, she worked on them to alienate them from him.

I used to work in the executive offices at Warner Bros in the late 00’s and this absolutely tracks with everything I heard about them from the other assistants and receptionists.

That seems like her PR spin though. I’ve heard (from reliable sources) that her refusal to set any kind of boundaries or discipline of any kind with the children was the main issue between them and ultimately was the match in the powder keg of the ugly airplane incident. Her older kids especially have no respect for authority. He wanted more structure and discipline. Now they are *gasp “troubled.” Who could have foreseen it? He “lunged at” the oldest kid (who is also “troubled” now) and Angelina jumped on his back. Not his best moment for sure but he doesn’t have a history of violence. Since then he’s been sober for eight years.

[bearlytolerant]

Fandom: Dragon Age

Pairing: Solas x f!Lavellan

Rating: T

AO3

say that you will

It is a long way back to Skyhold and she knows she should give him space. But it’s so damn hard to convince herself this is the end. A day ago he was in her arms at dawn. A day ago he had held her hand and said I love you just before noon. A day ago and he had said she was a distraction at sunset.

Is that all it takes to return to strangers? A single day?

What changed?

She would’ve done a million things differently had she known. Traded in a meal just to stroke her knuckles against his jawline. Skipped that war meeting to lay in bed with him for that extra hour. Foregone a night of wicked grace to gaze at the stars, his whispered stories in her ear while he holds her tight.

And yet, maybe everything would’ve played out the same, exactly as it should have.

But what if it hadn’t?

Together they travel in silence, her arms wrapped around his waist upon her hart. Her fingers barely ghost the solid form of him, afraid to be too much when it’s not enough. But he holds her arm against his body tighter, reins in his hands and she knows he doesn’t want what he’s done either.

It’s raining. But the barrier he casts above their heads keeps her hair dry. And she knows if he were alone, he’d let the world dump on him, drenching him to the bone. He does this for her, even still.

The words unspoken form a wall between them but she can hear his heart beat as she rests her head on his back, staining his tunic with tears.

He had offered to walk back to Skyhold, knowing full well the hurt he caused would be unbearable, but she couldn’t bring herself to let that happen. It wasn’t his fault. All along he’d told her about his hesitancy in the relationship. Made his intentions quite clear.

He had said, “It could lead to trouble.”

She’d known this end was a possibility and the most likely outcome. She understood that time was the stipulation and she had agreed to the terms. If only it wasn’t so short-lived.

Stealing kisses and affection from him where she could was something she’d welcomed and treasured. Still, she just wished she’d had some warning so she could’ve stayed in his arms just a little longer. Tasted his lips just once more. Heard him call her Vhenan and mean it. After all, Corypheus wasn’t defeated. He didn't need to destroy what they had. Didn’t need to bury her in ruins.

Why did it have to be so sudden?

Maybe that’s the real reason she wanted him to ride with her. To hold him one last time. To say her silent and broken goodbyes. To memorize the curve of his body against her own and cement what they had as real. Her motivations for this situation were dubious at best but just because he could switch himself off with a sentence or two didn’t mean she was capable of the same.

He asks too much.

“We should stop and make camp,” he says. His formal tone with her jarring and foreign. But he sniffles, softly, almost inaudible.

“Oh, al-alright.” She sniffs too and wipes her face with the back of her hand.

She wonders if she should be angry. Any other sane person would be. But it’s hard to be angry at him when he rubs at his eyes, smearing his own tears with his thumb, trying to hide his own pain from her.

Solas doesn’t offer his hand to help her down like he used to. Doesn’t smile either. Or even spare a glance in her direction. Instead, he stiffly begins unstrapping their supplies from the hart and begins setting up a makeshift camp.

Sarya shuffles alongside him, doing her part to help and move the process along quickly. The sun sinks below the ombré blanketed horizon and the stars take its place as they pull down the blackened curtain. She piles the last of the kindling and lights a fire, then sits on the ground and stares into the flames.

Solas passes her some sandwiches left over from their romantic picnic and each bite she takes makes her nauseous. The bread tastes of despair and smells of heartache. She sets the half eaten sandwich aside, curling her arms around herself and watches the bats flit around in the trees above them. She studies them and wishes she could transform into a bat and fly away right about now. Oh to be a shapeshifter.

“You should eat,” Solas says.

Sarya slowly turns toward him and glares, unfurling herself. She snatches up the sandwich, stands, then winds up and hurls the sandwich as hard as she can into the darkness. Wiping the crumbs off on her leggings, she returns to her sitting position and continues to glare at him.

It earns her a sigh.

“No. You don’t get to do that,” she says.

“Do what exactly?”

“You don’t get to be exasperated with me.”

“You are angry.”

“I am—no.” She shakes her head, a few curls springing loose around her face. Hurt. Confused. Empty. “I have lost my appetite because I am in emotional pain. But not angry—maybe bitter. Spiteful even.”

“It is understandable for you to feel that way.”

“Solas, please. Don’t.” She yanks up a handful of grass and starts shredding it to pieces. “I can’t do this. Talking to you like this. Like what we were, never happened? Like you aren’t the source of all of—this.” She throws her hands up and then wraps her arms around her legs again.

Like he’s a friend who can offer advice and help her heal after hurt.

“This is not easy for me either.”

“Then why do it? Why not wait?”

“Would it make any difference?”

Sarya rubs at her forehead. She can feel the tears coming again but she swallows them back. “Well no. But,” she picks up a lonesome stick and begins to snap it, shredding it into saddened splinters, “can we just—can we just have this one last night?”

She can’t bear to look at him but she hears his sigh. It sounds so heavy and she doesn’t understand it because he won’t let her.

“Please,” she says again between the cricket chirps. “Let me in just one last time. Then we can move on. Promise.”

She sees his fingers tapping against his knee. Long fingers that spent countless nights intertwined with hers. Long, perfect fingers that danced in the air when he was passionate. That have comforted her during nightmares. Healed wounds and left no scars. Elicited pleasure she never experienced before. And now tap, tap, tap against a knee, never to grace her skin again.

“Sar–Inquisitor, it would be easier for the both of us if we refrained. I am sorry.”

No, she will have none of that Inquisitor shit.

She chucks the remainder of the stick behind her and is up on her feet. She marches over to him, fingers clutching his collar as she studies his stupidly sad face. He can’t even look her in the eye. But gods, if she doesn’t still love him. She bends down, fist in his collar and hand cupping his chin as she pulls him into a final, wild, and desperate kiss. He doesn’t move the rest of his body but his lips find their way to her easily enough. When she releases him, he reaches for her, hungrier than ever before.

“We shouldn’t,” he breathes.

“We aren’t,” she replies. And his hands are threaded through her hair and salt is on her lips.

Artwork here

[the-roo-too]

signal -> classmate! oh haewon

-the 6 step guide of confessing to your crush

warnings: it’s very rushed; i lost motivation at the end 😭

genre: grain of angst, fluff

notes: i love haewon

1. begin the process

sunny day, what a beautiful time to be alive. at least it would be beautiful if you weren’t currently on your way to the nurse’s office.

you got hit by a ball after staring at a certain someone for far too long during p.e. the girl that attacked you was getting scolded by the teacher (you felt a little bad for that- hence you were the one not paying attention) while the cause of the problem was trotting after you.

“…you should be more careful. look around every once in a while or you’ll get hurt more.”

‘i was looking at you.’

“i know. i just thought i saw mrs kwon on the field.”

‘smooth.’ you mentally cheered for yourself.

“kwon yuri? wasn’t she taking a absence? if she’s back already i should probably report to her…”

‘not smooth.’

“o-oh well, maybe it was someone else?” you didn’t have to look at her face to know she wasn’t convinced.

“are you any close with mrs kwon?”

“i guess… i go to her for piano lessons every thursday, why?” you weren’t that close with the teacher, but could probably be called one of her favourites.

“she asked me to make a report of the orchestra’s activities this semester. if she comes back unexpectedly, could you let me know? give me your phone, i’ll type in my number.” your steps halted. she turned to look at you with confusion painting her face.

“number?”

“yeah, so you can text me if mrs kwon comes back. is that okay?” you could only pray she couldn’t see the reddening of your cheeks.

“yeah, it’s cool.” it’s very cool to get your crushes number.

2. get rejected

“let me get this straight.” lily moved her plate away to focus all her attention on you. “haewon gave you her number all by herself? months of pinning just for that?”

“i mean, she wants me to contact her if mrs kwon comes back earlier from her leave, not to chat casually…” as if on cue, you phone let out a low buzz, informing you of the new notification.

“ooh~ that might just be the love of your life!”

“i will remind you that my friendship with jinsol is quite solid and i can tell her about your little crush on her anytime.” earning a eye roll from the older girl, you unlocked your phone.

much to your surprise, the text was actually from the number labelled as ‘oh haewon’.

“i was right!”

“hush for a second, will you?” biting your lip, you opened the notification.

‘mrs kwon texted me she’ll be coming back next week.’

“oh.”

“ouch… rejected before you could even try.”

“lily jin morrow.”

“i’m sorry.” she laughed.

“i’m calling bae.”

“i said i’m sorry!”

3. restart the process

mrs kwon did came back earlier than expected. for you it only meant that your piano sessions will be back. for the others? every band suddenly had to rehearse.

they probably delayed practicing when suddenly the head of the section came back.

mrs kwon came back on friday, couple days later you were packing your things after your usual practice. the teacher left already, probably needing to see some pour soul who was failing the semester.

���i’m really sorry i can’t stay with you and help. i tried to get mom to pick my brother up but she won’t make it in time and i can’t just leave him like that…” you looked away from your sheets to see two figures approaching the classroom.

“i understand, yoona. i won’t hold a grudge because of that, don’t worry. family emergencies happen and it’s very much normal. go, i’ll fill out these by myself.” the taller out of the two figures moved away.

that left you alone with the girl. she hadn’t noticed you yet, as you awkwardly stood next to the piano in the room. she suddenly looked up.

“oh, hi y/n.” at first you were surprised she actually knew your name. on the other hand, it wasn’t the first year the two of you were classmates.

“ye- um, yeah, hi.” you waved lightly.

“did mrs kwon leave already? i wanted to hand her the paperwork today but if she’s not here…”

“she’ll be back after finishing with the upper grade. that shouldn’t take more than an hour.” haewon threw a sceptical gaze at the pile of papers in her hands.

“there’s no way i’ll fill all this out in an hour. they are due today so i might finish them at home and send mrs kwon the scans.”

“maybe i could help you?” her eyes held no emotion as she turned her head. then suddenly, her face looked softer.

“your help would be greatly appreciated. sit with me.” she patted the chair on her side. gladly, you walked over to join her in filling out the paperwork.

maybe in a normal situation you wouldn’t be glad to have to work on so many pages. but now, that haewon was so focused on filling out the forms, you could stare at her in peace, without worrying a ball would hit you again.

4. fuck it up

one might wonder does the lighting strike the same place twice, but you just proved that the ball can in fact hit the same person twice.

twice can you also be led to the nurse’s office by the same person. so many coincidences in your life, maybe you should start listening to twice?

“how do you expect to be any help to me if you’re constantly getting hit?” you laughed lowly in response.

“it’s you who insisted on keeping the window open… n-not that i blame you of course!”

haewon stopped in her tracks and sighed. “is everything okay?”

“what?”

“we aren’t necessarily close, but i’ve noticed that while interacting with me, you seem more distracted. does my presence bother you?”

“n-no, it’s not-!”

“if you would like to put a stop to our friendship-“

“i like you, haewon!”

5. hide

“y/n…” lily sighed, putting her hand on your shoulder in a comforting manner. you ran away from haewon and the older girl was the first person that popped into your mind.

“i fucked up, didn’t i?”

“…i mean, you haven’t seen her reaction?” even she wasn’t sure of her words.

“lily, you’re really bad at comforting, you know?”

“…yea.” you shook your head. the situation seemed bad, you just confessed to a girl that was trying to end your friendship. and she barely knew you.

“it couldn’t be worse!” groaning, you hid your face in your palms.

“it actually could?” lily received a sharp glare from you. “i’m just saying! besides, your phone’s been buzzing for the past five minutes.”

“that’s always a bad sign…” just as you took the device in your hand, someone called your phone.

‘oh haewon’

“…are you sure you want to pick that up-“

“um, hi haewon?”

“i like you too.”

6. smile and wave

you sat with your best friend in the cafeteria. while she was busy staring at a certain girl a couple tables away, you glanced at your phone every few seconds. noticing that, lily let out a mocking sigh.

“if i knew you’d be so busy when you get a girlfriend, i wouldn’t help you.” she whined.

“help me? when did you help me?”

“my mere presence was a blessing.”

“the so called ‘blessing’ doesn’t seem to work on you tho. bae still hasn’t fallen for your charms.” you mocked the older girl, receiving a angry ‘yah’ from her.

“what are you fiddling with that phone of your for anyways?”

“…haewon said she’ll pick me up for our lunch date.”

“aww! it’s a special occasion?” as if on cue, you felt a hand being placed on your shoulder. with a smile you looked up to meet your lover’s gaze.

“we’ve been together for a month today. ‘monthiversary’? i think that’s what they call it.” said haewon. both you and lily snickered quietly. “not important, let’s go love. the more time we get, the more we can-“

“just go!” the eldest of you groaned again. “stop rubbing it in my face that i’m single…”

“yeah, we’re going. see ya!” you smiled at the girl and waved. haewon took your hand in hers. she also gave you a smile of her own.

and even though you stared at her again, no ball came to hit you this time.

[phillippadgettwrites]

One for The Road, Chapter Two

Rated X / 5326 words / Posted on AO3 / Tagging @today-in-fic

Mulder rolls up to a stop sign and the hula girl wiggles aggressively back and forth, her ceramic smile unfaltering. His mind is somehow racing and entirely blank at the same time, the torrent of thoughts too strong for any single one to be picked out and considered. He feels ecstatic, horrified, confused, afraid, elated, one after the other and then all at once on a circuit. 

What the fuck just happened?

She was gone. Gone gone. Her stuff was gone, her love was gone, and even a strained friendship proved to be too much for her. 

I can’t do this anymore.

Those words followed by the snap of the screen door slamming closed behind her echoed in his head for weeks, and when he finally summoned the energy to make and keep an appointment with a therapist, he heard those same words come out of his own mouth when asked what brought him in. 

I can’t do this anymore. 

He’s worked so hard to build something bearable out of the ruins of his life. He’s searched so diligently for meaning that isn’t rooted in trauma and pain. He’s tried so earnestly to be okay without her, and he only just recently got a handle on it—just a couple fingertips curled around the edge of the cliff, a climb out of his misery within reach. Six months of hard work to pick up the tiniest bit of momentum, and she comes crashing back into his life and sends him careening to the bottom again with her wet mouth and her— 

He startles when the car behind him honks, and he crosses the intersection before pulling off to the side of the road and digging his cell phone out of his pocket. He finds the number in his contacts list and it rings and rings and rings until it finally goes to voicemail. 

“You’ve reached Adam Glidden with Mental Health Matters Therapeutic Services. Please leave a message and I’ll return your call as soon as possible. If you’re experiencing a life threatening emergency, please hang up and call 911.”

He hangs up and stares at his phone. Six missed calls, all from Sylvia. Guilt roils in his belly, kicking up a wave of nausea. He rolls down the window to get some fresh air, then tosses his cell onto the passenger seat and keeps driving. 

It seems callous to say that he doesn’t care about her, and also inaccurate. She’s a very nice person. A very good person. The kind of person who’s too polite to ask about his scars, both physical and emotional. Adam encouraged him to get back out there and try dating, so he did, and he met Sylvia almost immediately. She pursued him and he didn’t resist, and somehow he found himself in a relationship. Every day he wakes up and does the things he needs to do to be okay: take his medication, go for a run, keep his appointments with Adam, show up for the dates Sylvia invites him on. He’s not sure that he wants to do any of these things, but he does them because the other option is rotting away on his couch pining for Scully, which he already tried. And while Adam discouraged him from using winning Scully back as motivation for getting better, he also pointed out that Mulder certainly wasn’t making himself very desirable with once-weekly showers and a solid diet of canned soup. 

Letting her slip away is the worst thing he’s ever done. Even though he knows it wasn’t entirely within his control, he’s aware that letting himself believe their bond was indestructible led to underplaying the importance of doing the things she was asking—begging—him to do. Coming out of the fog of his depression meant looking back at everything that happened with newfound clarity, and if not for the fact that she very explicitly asked him not to contact her, he would have reached out to tell her how sorry he is. How much he regrets the way things ended between them. How much he still loves her. That he’ll never stop. But for all the times she asked for space and he didn’t give it, for all the times she begged him to drop an argument and he wouldn’t, for all the times he pushed and pulled and tore her boundaries to shreds, this time he listened to her. It felt like the last good thing he could do for her after all the pain he caused. 

And now she calls him out of the blue with a plea that he remove the last remnants of himself from her life, then answers the door looking like a siren and smelling like fucking heaven. He can’t even remember if he kissed her or she kissed him. One second he was debating trying to hug her, unsure if she’d let him get that close, and the next his cock was slipping down the back of her throat. He’d think it was just a vivid fantasy if not for the wet spot on his jeans. 

Fuck, he’s getting hard again just thinking about it. This should be worthy of celebration considering the struggles he’s had between the depression and the SSRIs, but it just makes him feel like a monster. He’s never cheated on someone before. The fact that it was with Scully makes it difficult to characterize it as such, but it’s how any reasonable person would see it. It’s how Sylvia would. 

He parks in the driveway of a blue rambler with his stomach in knots, then pulls down the visor and inspects his face and neck for any signs of his indiscretion, but sees nothing. As he approaches the door, he tugs the hem of his T-shirt down to cover the fading damp spot beside his fly before he lifts his arm to knock. The door pops open before his knuckles have a chance to land, and Sylvia’s expression quickly morphs from worry to irritation. 

“Fox,” she says with a relieved sigh, her palm pressed to her chest. “You’re almost an hour late, I was worried sick.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” he says, only now realizing that he hadn’t thought to come up with an excuse for his tardiness. 

“I called you half a dozen times,” she says, stepping aside so he can enter the foyer. 

She’s not bad looking, but not necessarily good looking either. On the short side, but not so much that it’s the first thing you notice about her. Thick through the waist and hips, but not quite what you’d call chubby. She has long brown hair and delicate features, but isn’t overly feminine. On the whole, in both appearance and personality, she’s inoffensive. Anodyne. Perfectly sufficient and also perfectly boring. She seemed like a safe choice, compared to the type of women he’s typically drawn to. In fact, he wasn’t drawn to her at all. He was there, and she was there, and here they are. 

“I’m sorry, something came up,” he says, praying that she doesn’t ask him to elaborate. 

Sylvia shakes her head and smiles. 

“Well, you’re here now. Everyone’s waiting for you, come on,” she says, then pops up on her tiptoes to give him a kiss. He turns his head a little and her lips land on his cheek, a sleight she either doesn’t notice or chooses not to address. 

She grabs his hand and tows him into her dining room, where several people are seated around the table drinking and talking. 

“He’s here!” Sylvia announces, and all their heads swivel towards him with broad smiles and warm greetings. He smiles back, lifts one hand and delivers a single wave, wishes that the ground beneath his feet would open up and swallow him whole. 

Introductions are made, but he can’t retain any of it. One of them is an accountant, another works in healthcare. They’ve known Sylvia since college, or used to work with her, or live two doors down. They all tell him how much they’ve heard about him, and how glad they are to put a face to the name. Sylvia holds his hand and smiles at him, and as she’s introducing him to a woman with frizzy blonde curls who waxes poetic about how Sylvia is just the loveliest person she’s ever known, he comes to the conclusion that he has to break things off with her. He can’t carry this secret forever, and confessing seems out of the question as he’s not nearly invested enough in this relationship to put in the work that would be required to move past it. 

“Can you help me in the kitchen?” Sylvia asks as people begin to settle back in their seats. He reluctantly follows her, and she hands him a basket of rolls before pulling a pot roast out of the oven. “Hopefully it’s not too dry; it’s been sitting in here a while,” she says without malice. 

“I’m so sorry, Sylvia,” he says, his fingers digging into the woven sides of the bread basket. 

“It’s okay,” she says, setting the pot roast on the cooktop. “Things happen, not a huge deal. Just call me next time, okay?”

She looks over her shoulder and flashes him a smile, and he’s overcome with anger. Why couldn’t Scully just let him have this? This banal relationship that isn’t even in the same universe as what he had with her, but dulls the edges of his loneliness to the point of tolerability. Is she going to punish him forever for fucking things up between them? As though losing her wasn’t already the greatest consequence imaginable?

“No,” he says, hanging his head. “I’m sorry…I can’t do this.”

She doesn’t say anything, and after a handful of seconds pass he peeks up at her. She’s standing there frozen with an oven mitt on one hand, her eyebrows stitched and a tiny frown on her mouth. 

“Have dinner with my friends?” she asks hopefully. Mulder shakes his head. 

“No. This. Us. I’m sorry.”

She huffs a disbelieving scoff, pulling the oven mitt off and tossing it on the counter. 

“Why?” 

He shrugs. There’s no point in telling her the truth; it will only hurt her more. 

“I just don’t think…We’re not a good match,” he tries. 

She nods and leans against the counter with her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes growing increasingly wet. 

“Is this about your ex?” she asks tightly. 

He opens his mouth to say no, but instead just repeats, “I’m sorry.”

Sylvia bites her lip, but he sees her jaw quivering. Sees tears pooling along her bottom lash line. She doesn’t deserve this. He takes one step forward and she holds her hand up to stop him. 

“Just go,” she squeaks out as the first tear breaks loose and rolls down her cheek. 

“I’m sorry,” he says again. 

She turns her back to him and wipes at her eyes, and he silently walks down the hall and out the front door without saying goodbye to her friends. He tries not to think about what she’ll tell them, tries not to be bothered by how bad he looks in this situation. He gets in his car and drives away from the closest thing to normal he’s gotten in years. 

He should go home. He should leave a message for Adam and ask for an emergency appointment. He should go on a run, take a shower, and get shitfaced. He should take accountability for his role in what happened. 

Instead he drives back to Scully’s house. 

It’s dusk now, and her driveway is barely lit by the one naked bulb screwed into her porch light. Still, revisiting the scene of the crime makes his blood hum a little, remembering her knees on the pavement and his dick in her mouth. He tries to channel his arousal into anger, already writing a speech in his head about how if she’s never going to give him another chance, she should leave him the hell alone. How unfair it is that she doesn’t want him, but can’t stand to know that he’s with anyone else. 

It takes a few minutes for her to come to the door, though he knows she’s home by the presence of her car and several lights on inside. When she finally answers she’s tying a silk bathrobe around her waist, her hair up in a messy bun, and she looks genuinely shocked to see him. 

“Mulder,” she says, adjusting the robe and revealing a sliver of her breast, which gives the impression she’s not wearing anything underneath. 

“What the fuck was that, Scully?!” he shouts at her, trying to avert his eyes from her chest, and she cocks her head back a little.

“I—” she starts, but he has so much more he needs to say. 

“Do you have any idea how hard this has been for me?” he continues, his volume unnecessarily loud. “Do you even care?”

Her eyes dart around the driveway behind him. 

“Can you keep your voice down, please?” she implores gently. 

“Oh, now you’re worried about the neighbors?!” he says, holding his arms out as though addressing the neighborhood. “Six months, Scully! Six months of therapy, and medication, and trying to find a reason to get out of bed every day knowing that you’re never coming back. Six months of work down the drain after fifteen minutes with you.”

She wilts a little, not at all resembling the confident woman who climbed into his lap and fucked his brains out not two hours ago. 

“I’m sorry,” she says, her eyes on his feet. “I don’t know—It just happened.”

“It just happened,” he repeats, emphasizing every word. “You somehow find out that I’m seeing someone, and then by utter coincidence you just happen to find some of my stuff—none of which I recognize, by the way—and then you just happen to beg me to come over, and you just happen to be wearing some skin tight getup with your tits pushed up to your neck, and you just happen to blow me in your fucking driveway?! That seems totally plausible, Scully, especially for you.”

Her head is bowed, but he hears a wet sniff before she discreetly runs one finger under her eye to wipe away a tear. 

“I’m sorry,” she says again. “I shouldn’t have done that. You deserve to be happy.”

“Happy?!” he bellows, and her head snaps up to regard him with wide, wet eyes. She grabs his wrist and pulls him into her entryway, then closes the door behind them as he continues to yell, his throat already growing hoarse. “Happy isn’t even on the fucking menu, Scully! The best I can hope for is that I won’t wake up every day for the rest of my life, look over at your empty side of the bed, and remember that I destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me.” 

“Then why haven’t you called?!” she wails, apparently comfortable matching his energy behind closed doors. “If this relationship means so much to you, why haven’t I heard from you in six months?”

Mulder is so overwhelmed with disbelief that he just stares at her for a beat. Her eyes are puffy and bloodshot, and her lips are stained with wine. She’s been crying since long before he showed up. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” he says, repeating her own words back to her. “Every time I see you I can barely get out of bed for days.” She’s shaking her head, her face crumpled and her bottom lip trembling. “Please let me go.”

“I didn’t mean forever,” she warbles. “I just couldn’t watch you waste away anymore. I just couldn’t—”

She’s crying too hard to form words. She covers her face with both hands and he stands there watching her shoulders lurch with her sobs. Had he really misunderstood what she said, or did she just have so little faith he would pull through that it didn’t seem worth clarifying?

He steps forward and wraps his arms around her, which only makes her cry harder. She clings to him, grabs fistfuls of his T-shirt, struggles to catch her breath. It’s not the first time he’s held her this way, but it’s been a long time since he has. That’s not to say she hasn’t needed it. 

She finally settles a little and steps away from him, looking embarrassed, and he gives her a minute to collect herself. She wipes mascara off her cheeks, re-ties her robe, and glances at him in little flashes as she tries to speak. 

“Do you know how long it’s been since you yelled at me?” she says in a harsh whisper, and he’s about to feel guilty when he sees a pained little smile tug at her mouth. “It’s been so long since you cared about anything enough to get mad.”

The dual meaning isn’t lost on him. 

“I never stopped caring about you,” he says quietly. “But I know it looked like I did. And probably felt like I did. I don’t think there are sufficient words to express how sorry I am for that.”

He can tell by the look on her face that she needed to hear it. He scoops her up again and she lays her head on his chest, her arms wrapped around his waist. She pulls in a deep breath and relaxes against him, and he drops a kiss to the top of her head. 

They stand there like that for minutes, and after a time his hands on her back wander to her hips, stroking the silk of her bathrobe and the familiar curves of her body. She wriggles a little, her hips gently canting towards him, and it’s like speaking a language he’d all but forgotten. Part of him worries that he’s misreading her, but a bigger part of him—the part that is steadily thickening beneath his jeans—knows without a doubt that he isn’t. He runs his palm over her hip and down her thigh until he’s touching bare skin, and then back up under the hem of her bathrobe. She heaves a shuddering breath when he digs his fingers into the flesh of her ass cheek, then lifts her head off his chest and looks up at him. 

Her lips are parted, her brow knit, and her eyes scatter all over his face desperately. Countless times he’s dreamt of this moment. Another chance to show her how much she means to him. Another chance to taste her and touch her without taking her for granted. Another chance to love her. Another chance. 

He lowers his head slowly and she cranes her neck up to meet him, whimpering when he presses his mouth against hers. She tastes tart and salty and she kisses him deeply, lapping hungrily at his tongue as he sends his other hand up under her robe to join the first. She’s so smooth, so supple, so soft and warm and delicious. He wants to lick every inch of her, fuck every part of her, make her come so hard she can’t breathe. His grief converts itself to desire and he is devastated, inconsolable, bereft as he walks her back a few steps and then pushes her up against the wall. 

He has to stoop down a little, but he always has. She moans in anticipation when he slips his hand through the slit in her robe and cups her, the heel of his palm pressing against her clit. He feels her flutter against his skin, the little trembling throbs she used to try to disguise in the early days before she was comfortable letting him see her fall apart. Now, a decade and a lifetime later, she bucks her hips against his hand and bites his bottom lip, then whispers, “You’re gonna make me come,” right into his mouth.

With his free hand, he tugs at the tie on her robe and it falls open. Her nipples are tight, her belly undulating as she grinds against his palm. She’s so fucking beautiful. He kisses her as he gently presses the tips of his fingers against her opening, not quite going inside, and her cunt presses back. She’s so wound up, like she’s been on the edge for hours. Maybe for months. Maybe for years. Maybe since that first time she palmed him over his sweatpants and he pushed her hand away, knowing that even if he were able to get hard he wouldn’t be able to sustain it. 

But he’s hard now. Painfully hard. He strokes himself over his jeans just to feel how hard he is, further aroused by his own arousal. He thinks about what he used to do to her with this hard dick. What she used to let him do to her. How they used to fuck for hours in shitty motel rooms just to pass the time. How he ever let her go is more confounding to him than ever as he slips two fingers inside her and she moans long and low before she starts coming right in the palm of his hand. Her legs quiver and he feels the strain of her weight on his wrist, so he hoists her up against the wall and pins her there with his body, continuously stroking her from the inside as she comes and comes and comes. 

A deep sigh tells him she’s finished, and he moves his hand to her hip, his fingers cooling in the open air. She drapes her arms over his shoulders and kisses him languidly, but suddenly she’s pulling away and looking at him like he just delivered devastating news. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks, tucking a lock of hair that’s fallen out of her bun behind her ear. 

She pushes on his shoulders, squirming out of his arms and then taking several steps away from him. When she turns around, her robe is tied up tight and her entire demeanor has changed. 

“What is this?” she asks, shifting from one foot to the other uncomfortably. “I can’t be your mistress, Mulder.” 

It hadn’t even occurred to him to tell her. 

“You’re not,” he says, taking two steps forward. “I broke things off with her.”

Something unreadable passes over her face. Surprise. Pride. Confusion. Curiosity. 

“Was it…” she pauses, considering something. “Was it serious?”

“No,” he says quickly, meeting her eye. She nods, looking relieved. 

He takes another step forward and reaches for her, and while she doesn’t reach back, she also doesn’t resist. He lays his hands on her upper arms experimentally, then slides them up to her neck, her jaw. He tilts her face up towards his, taking in the dusting of freckles across her nose that are dappled with flecks of cried-off mascara. It hurts to think about how much he’s hurt her, so he tries not to.  

“You know…” he begins, and his heart immediately starts hammering. “You know you can always come home,” he finishes, and her face falls. “I know you’re probably not ready for that, but I want you to know that the option is always there.”

“I miss you so much,” she says tightly, her eyes welling with tears. “But thinking about living in that house with you again—”

He shakes his head to quiet her. 

“I know,” he says. He rests his forehead against hers and sighs. “I get it, Scully. I promise, I do. My therapist has done a phenomenal job of helping me understand what that must have been like for you.”

He hears her suck in a shaky breath, then feels her hands on the back of his neck. She’s quiet for a beat, and he imagines that he’s transmitting his sincerity from his mind to hers via that little patch of skin where their heads are touching. If she knew how truly he meant it, how absolutely unwavering he would be in his commitment to being better for her, maybe she’dfeel ready soon.

“Are you really seeing a therapist?” she asks. 

“Yep. And taking a daily cocktail of Prozac and endorphins. I don’t think I need to tell you that you were right; I was depressed.”

She nods and scrapes her fingernails through the hair at the nape of his neck, making him shiver. 

“Not glad to be right, in this case,” she says. Another long pause, and he can practically feel her thoughts racing against his skin “What if I wanted to see you, but not move back in?” she asks hesitantly. “Would that be okay?”

“Yeah,” he says, his heart soaring. “That would be okay.”

“And what if…What if I didn’t want you to see anyone else?”

Their foreheads are still pressed together, so he can’t see her face, but he hears in her voice how afraid she is. 

“I don’t want anyone else,” he says. “Never have.”

She sighs and pops onto her tiptoes, kissing his cheek, and then his neck, then burrows her nose into the curve of his shoulder, and he wraps his arms around her waist, holding her close. 

“Thank you,” she says quietly. 

After a moment, she reverses her order and kisses his neck, then his cheek, and then his lips, lingering there until the kisses begin to deepen.

“I’d like to take you to bed, but I don’t know where the bedroom is,” he says, and her little chuckle is like music to his ears. 

She takes his hand and leads him further into her fastidious home. They pass through the living room where earlier that day she handed him a box of what he has to assume was shit she picked up at a thrift store, and then down a hallway. When they step through her bedroom door, she freezes and says, “Oh,” a split second before his eyes fall to her bed, where the blankets are pulled back and a hot pink vibrator lays abandoned near the pillow. 

She looks up at him bashfully and he smiles at her. 

“It seems as though I interrupted something here, my apologies,” he says playfully. “Feel free to finish up, I don’t mind watching.”

“Yes, I recall,” she says, turning her back to the bed and letting the robe slip off her shoulders and onto the floor at her feet. “Maybe some other time.”

She starts to unbutton his jeans, and blood rushes back to his cock. He watches her, nude and flushed from her orgasm, as she slowly undresses him: jeans, shirt, and then boxers. She watches her own hand as she strokes him, then looks up and flashes a Cheshire Cat smile. 

“This is quite impressive,” she says, stepping close so her breasts press against his rib cage. 

“You like that?” he asks, thrusting into her hand. Her praise makes him harder, makes precum leak out of him and run down her fingers. 

“I do,” she says in a breathy singsong voice. 

He feels feral. If she’s looking for something slow and tender he’ll give it to her, but his bones are buzzing with the desire to fuck her senseless, to claim her as his, to make her feel the way he did when the idea that they would ever not be together was laughable. He clenches his jaw and flexes his hips, trembling with restraint. 

“What do you want?” he asks her, his voice catching when she wraps her hand around his balls and tugs. “I want to make you feel good.”

She reaches one hand up and pulls him down by the back of his neck, kissing him while she plays with his cock. 

“I want you to fuck me,” she says against his mouth, and his knees nearly give out. “Show me how much you want me. Please.”

He picks her up and deposits her on the bed, flips her onto her belly, grabs her by the hips and pulls her up until she’s on all fours. For a second he just looks at the red slash between her legs, swollen and slick, unable to decide whether to fuck her or eat her. She drops down to her forearms, putting her cunt on full display, and wiggles her hips back and forth temptingly. 

He moans at the taste of her. Sweet and summery, with the slightest hint of his own bleachy brightness still left behind from earlier. He licks her clit, her ass, fucks her with his tongue, and she gasps and pushes back against him, hungry for more. His dick feels like it might shoot right off his body if he doesn’t get some relief soon, and when he finally gets to his knees and pushes inside her, they both groan and hold mostly still, grinding against each other and savoring it. 

She sits back up a little, changing the angle of her pelvis, and he wraps his arm around her waist to hold her steady before he starts bucking up into her at a quick clip. She fucks him right back, their hips moving in a synchronous dance that provides constant friction, and she’s coming again so quickly that he has to squeeze his eyes closed and think about global warming to keep himself from coming. 

Next she’s on her back, her legs tucked up against his sides and their bellies pressed together. He kisses her neck, sucks on her earlobe, tells her how good she feels as he slips in and out of her, brushing past her clit over and over. She claws at his back and pulls him as close as possible when she erupts again, and he grits his teeth against the tight squeeze of her, barely hanging on. 

He rolls off of her and she climbs into his lap with a shy smile, then brushes her slick lips over his shaft, forward and back, while he watches, slack jawed. She leans forward and shifts her hips around, teasing herself with the head of his cock until he finally slips inside. He blows out a stream of air, knowing he’s too close to hold off much longer, and she sits up, looking at him with a dreamy expression. 

“Are you gonna come?” she asks, her hips moving in delicious circles that make his balls draw up tight. 

“I want you to come again,” he says tightly, gripping her hips. 

She moans, and he feels her throb around him. 

“I wanna feel you come,” she says determinedly. “I want you to come inside me.”

“Fuck,” he says, his hips jumping. He can’t hold off any longer, not if she keeps talking like that. “Then fuck me.”

She plants her hands on his shoulders and flexes her hips quickly forward and back, simultaneously grinding her clit against him and providing an incredibly tight fit. Stars burst behind his eyes, his body curls up towards hers as all his muscles tense, and he bellows loudly as he explodes inside her. 

“Oh my god,” she gasps, her mouth hanging open and her eyes closed as he feels her grip him like a vice. 

It’s overwhelming, and he breaks with reality as they both wail and come with complete abandon, riding it out until there isn’t a single drop of pleasure left to be found. She collapses against his chest, nuzzling his neck and humming with satisfaction. He doesn’t move at all, afraid she’ll take it as a sign she should get up, and they both doze in a sea of dopamine and oxytocin for an indeterminate amount of time. His stomach growls, and she props herself up on her elbows, smiling down at him. 

“Have you eaten dinner?” she asks, and he thinks of Sylvia’s dried out pot roast, then shakes his head. 

“Not technically, no,” he says, bouncing his hips playfully. 

“Would you like to have dinner with me?” she asks hopefully.

He’d like to have her back for keeps, but dinner will have to suffice for now.  

“I’d love to.”

[jowrites]

We got Married - 21. The letters

Masterlist Here.

Prev. Next.

TW: Cursing, stalkers(sasaengs), sexual themes, more to follow

Taglist: @lisaswifey @heeeseeungs @yunjinhuhjennifer

“Oh, hi Roman, it’s good to see you!” Sunoo said, smiling as he let the girl in. She quickly wrapped him in a hug and smiled up at him. She liked Sunoo a lot, all of her members did and JJ even was working on taking him to some events with her. They found him extremely adorable and he was so nice.

“You too, Sunoo,” she said.

“Have you eaten, we just ordered in,” Sunoo said, as the two of them walked in the dorm. Jungwon waved at her from his spot on the couch and she smiled back. Him and Sunoo must be watching a movie.

“I ate, but thank you,” she said.

Just then, Heeseung walked out of the bathroom, a towel in his hair and coming out, wrapping an arm around Roman’s waist and giving her lips a quick kiss.

“You got here fast,” he said.

“I was nearby,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.

He took her hand and led her to his room, closing the door behind them. She immediately embraced him, hugging him and looking up at him. Heeseung smiled down at her, moving some of her hair from her face and cupping her face. She reached on her tiptoes to give him a long kiss. He leaned down, making it easier and giving her better access to his lips as his lips moved with hers.

“Somebody missed me,” he said, giving her lips one more kiss.

“Sue me,” she said, pulling away and sitting on his bed, making herself comfortable.

“I might just have to lock you up and never let you leave,” he said, sitting beside her, her body automatically leaning on him.

“That sounds nice,” she said, sighing and closing her eyes, taking in the moment..

Heeseung kissed the top of her head before reaching over slightly and pulling out the letters he received from the fansign earlier. He didn’t want anybody to see, and he hoped he was able to stay strong for the engines who saw this, but in that moment when he met Roman’s fansites and they all told him words of encouragement and support, he wanted to hug each one of them and cry. He almost took it upon himself to tell his manager to make sure they take them out for a meal, it’s people like that who deserve to be paid back. He’d work harder to show his gratitude and appreciation. 

“My fans are really kind, I’m glad they turned up for you. Even I was shocked,” Roman said as she took some of the letters, looking at them.

“This meant a lot to me, and it really put into perspective that what we’re doing isn’t wrong. We didn’t do anything wrong and there’s no reason for us to be punished,” He said.

“Exactly, we didn’t do anything wrong at all and it’s ridiculous your so called fans are so mad. They weren’t fans to begin with, Heeseung, if they don’t support you through everything and know the boundaries, you don’t want people like that as a fan. It means they don’t respect you,” she said, and he nodded.

“You’re so mature about this, it makes me want to be better,” he admitted.

“Well, I’ve had lots of experience and practice. When we first started I basically had no power and we were hated a lot, we had a very small fandom but it was a very solid fandom,” she said. “So many things happened all those years ago, a lot of terrible things and it just made me more motivated to win. So when I went back to America and showcased my skills, that was like my first taste of success. And it made me greedy because I was determined to not be disrespected and discriminate any longer while being here. I wanted to also protect the ones around me who I really loved.”

“You’ve made a really great name for yourself and your group. Anybody would be a fool to cross you now,” he said. 

“I know, and that was the plan. I wanted my fans to be scary, nobody could say anything without hearing about it from my fans. And it worked,” she said. “And now, my fans became your fans, and they’ll protect you too. So will I.”

“I’ll protect you too, Rome, you’re not going through this alone,” he said.

“I know, we’re a team now, no take backs!” She said, nudging his shoulder.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he said, kissing her head again. “Shall we open them now?”

“Mhm, I’m so curious.”

Heeseung took the first letter from one of her fan sites ‘Rome’s Arizona’ which was a fan site from Arizona, where Roman was born and from. One of the very first international fan sites. Roman was reminiscing on the amount of times she saw her fan sites and how nice they were to her and the girls. All of their fan sites would get together and do projects and things for them, showing them they were all really appreciated and loved. She hoped Heeseung could grow and gain some as well.

*******************************

30 minutes later, the couple was sitting across the bed, laughing and crying together as they went over the letters. A lot of the letters were sentimental and very kind, some of the fan sites were hilarious and pretended to be ‘mad’ then ended with showing love and support. One letter was a ‘Guide on how to take care of Roman’ and the first step was to ‘Make sure she’s always fed’ because Roman has a love for food. Heeseung was really happy about this guide, he felt like he learned a lot and actually took it to heart and would make sure he followed through. Roman thought it was ridiculous but hilarious how babied she is even by her fans.

Now, there was only one letter left, the last one they waited to open. The letter from ‘Roman’s Protection Squad’ who led the whole thing. This fan site was the very first fan site who has been supporting Roman for the past 12 years, looking after her quietly. This meant a lot to her.

Hello ENHYPEN,

We are Roman’s Protection Squad!

In all of the 12 years of having this fan account not once has she ever made a relationship public. Roman doesn’t date, everyone knows this. If she was proudly holding your hand out in public, supporting you at concerts, and kissing you in the open it must mean you’re special. I am saddened to see your fan sites closing and all the hate you are receiving. It must have been hard for you, right? I hope you understand you didn’t do anything wrong. We have started a project to go above and beyond Roman and we will make sure you don’t suffer. I hope you take care of her well, she’s been through a lot and things haven’t been easy. She’s worked hard to get to where she is and I hope you don’t take her for granted. 

She’s very special.

Please, keep her happy and make sure you don’t embarrass her. Thank you for loving her and I wish you both many, many long years. 

RPS

PS: Can you let her know I received her gift and thank her for me. My delivery went well and I have a beautiful baby girl. STARDOLL FIGHTING!

[d3sertdream3r]

I really liked the Ahsoka show but it also felt kinda weird to me idk what did you think of it?

I have the same feeling as you, anon. Overall I liked the show, but I didn’t love it. There was a lot going on mythically/symbolically, but it didn’t all land narratively for me. 

First of all, there was a big Lack of Backstory™ problem going on through the whole thing. 

There was a lot of telling and not nearly enough showing. Ahsoka and Sabine are supposed to be the emotional heart of the story, but we don’t know anything about their history besides vague references. 

We see in the first couple of episodes how much Sabine loves Ezra, but the general audience doesn’t have a clue who he is and once she finds him, it’s just business as usual. Their hug was great but for those who don’t know their backstory (and even people who do), it doesn’t really hit emotionally because there wasn’t enough time spent on showing their relationship in live action and them getting to know each other again after a decade apart. 

We didn’t learn anything about why Morgan is so desperate to bring Thrawn back despite the fact that the Empire eradicated her people. We didn’t learn anything about how they knew each other before he was yeeted to another galaxy. 

We don’t know much about Baylan and Shin’s relationship either. They’re cool and mysterious, and that’s about it. He tells her he trained her to be something more and then decides to leave her on her own in the very next episode to take her place in the new Empire. Why wouldn’t he take her with him if he wanted her to be something more?

I understand that this is part of a larger story, but every season of any show should have solid character arcs that tie into their series character arcs. I just personally didn’t feel like the character arcs were developed enough this season, largely due to Filoni not delving into anybody’s motivations beyond surface level. 

I think having flashbacks between Ahsoka/Sabine and Ezra/Sabine would’ve helped a ton. It also would’ve been a good idea to have a Rebels recap at the beginning of the first episode for those that didn’t watch the show. Kenobi had a Prequel recap that was gorgeously edited and summed everything up before diving in.

As far as the cast:

EMAN ESFANDI IS THE LOVE MY LIFE!!! I adored every single scene he was in, every single mannerism and facial expression he made, his smile gives me butterflies, and his curls are to die for.

Natasha as Sabine was really good, but her character needs work. She didn’t translate nearly as well as Ezra did into live action imo, which is not Natasha’s fault at all. It was 100% a writing problem for me. The first two episodes nailed her character, but as the series progressed she started to flatten out.

Rosario feels really stiff to me. I don’t know if it’s her or the writing or both. I’m not familiar with much of her work, so I can’t really say. She just seemed really apathetic about everything despite her dialogue saying otherwise. I really love Ahsoka, so I hope her live action portrayal gets better, whatever the issue is! 

Hera was given crumbs, but MEW absolutely crushed it! I’ve seen a lot of people complain about her portrayal, but I thought it was amazing. I need to see more of her immediately!!

Lars is spectacular as Thrawn, but the writing didn’t quite make him as intimidating as he was in Rebels. I want to see Lars get to chew the scenery in the future!

Other thoughts:

I feel like the Baylan/Shin dynamic is kind of what Maul and Ezra would’ve had if Maul found Ezra before Kanan did. I really hope they expand on that, especially since it was mentioned twice that Ezra is like Shin. It’s super interesting!

I want to know why Thrawn is so pro-Empire without any mention of the Ascendancy. I hope they don’t turn Thrawn into a generic mustache-twirling villain. He isn’t AT ALL, and that’s the main reason he’s a fan favorite in the first place. 

I need Ezra to be in every Star Wars project going forward! I can’t wait to see him interact with all the other characters in the Mando Era!!

Anakin was awesome, but I needed him to have a deeper conversation with Ahsoka considering the last time they each other, he tried to kill her. 

I need Leia and Ahsoka to interact, or at least a reference that they know each other! Ahsoka telling Luke and Leia about their parents (especially their mother) is really important to me! 

Jacen is the cutest! Ezra and Jacen are going to be the most cinnamon roll master and apprentice duo of all time!!

PISSED THEY CUT BEFORE HERA AND EZRA COULD HUG!! WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL!!!

WHERE IS ZEB?? IS HE SAFE?? IS HE ALRIGHT??

[ejzah]

Gone Too Far, Part 5

***

Deeks blinked, a hazy ring of light filling his vision. His head was tilted back over the hard metal of a chair at an uncomfortable angle, which was unfortunate since it let the blood from gash inside his mouth drain into his throat. He coughed, fighting against the hands holding him place to avoid choking.

Finally, they released him enough to sit up. He unceremoniously spat a mouthful of blood on the floor, grimacing at the sharp taste, and flared in the direction of Michael and his henchman. Deeks couldn’t actually see more than a hazy outline, but he hid his disorientation. The longer he could hold out, the longer Kensi and Julia had to get free. Or for the team to come to the rescue. It was highly motivating and kept Deeks from giving in to the pain radiating throughout his head and face. Actually his left shoulder didn’t feel so great either.

“Detective, how much longer do you think you can hold out?” Michael asked, pacing in a half circle around Deeks. He gave the orders and did most of the talking, but primarily relied on the other men to handle the more physical aspects. Based on that and his build, Deeks predicted he wouldn’t be too difficulty to overcome if isolated.

“Oh, you really underestimate the stubborn nature of NCIS agents,” Deeks replied with a smirk. It tugged at his torn lip and he felt a trickle of blood slither down his chin.

“You’re very smug for someone who holds your mother in law and wife’s life in your hands.”

Deeks licked a bead of blood from his lip, glaring at Michael. He could see him a little better now; the man didn’t look nearly so composed anymore.

“And then you’d have zero leverage,” Deeks said. “Because you know that if you hurt either of them, I would use every last ounce of my energy to fight back. Maybe I would win.” Deeks grinned darkly. “Either way, you still won’t have the information you’re looking for.”

“You talk too much,” Michael growled, gesturing sharply to Ethan. Deeks barely had time to brace himself before Ethan punched him hard enough his head snapped backwards. He lost his tenuous grasp on consciousness, Jasper’s raspy laughter in his ears.

***

Kensi had waited a few minutes after Deeks was pulled from the room to retrieve his knife. Her fingers trembled as she slipped it into her own boot. It took all her effort to concentrate on forming a plan and not Deeks.

She’d fully explored every inch of the room, and found no possible exit, barring they dug through solid stone. Swearing under her breath, Kensi grasped her head, fingernails digging into her scalp as she tried to temper her frustration and worry.

If she didn’t have to worry about her mom, she’d rush whoever came to the door next, disarm them however possible, and fight her way through to Deeks. She couldn’t take that risk though.

With that in mind, she walked over to Julia and sat down. Gathering Julia’s hands in hers, she looked her directly in the eye.

“Mom, I need you to listen to me. If there’s an opportunity for you to run, I need you to take it, ok?”

“But what about you and Marty?” Julia asked. She wasn’t a naive woman; she was terrified, but she’d gathered herself, and faced Kensi just as gravely. “I don’t think I can leave both of you behind.”

Kensi pressed her lips together, inhaling shallowly through her nose.

“You’ll have to,” she said gently. “It’ll be safer for you. Deeks and I can handle this.” She gave Julia’s had another squeeze.

“Ok,” Julia murmured, a tear trickling down her cheek. “I love you, baby.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

Sniffing, Julia opened her arms, gathering against her chest. She kissed the top of Kensi’s head.

The sound of the door opening again had Kensi hastily pulling away. She didn’t want Michael to have any extra ammunition against her.

Jasper and Ethan entered first, dragging Deeks between them. Kensi’s breath caught in her throat; he looked dead, head hanging limply, the hair at his temple stained a dark red.

The two men roughly deposited Deeks at the opposite side of the room. He didn’t move.

Michael entered the room next, gesturing for Julia. Kensi’s hand tightened on her arm instinctually.

“Stand up Ms. Feldman,” he said. “You’re going to deliver a message for me.”

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

//SPOILERS:

My list so far is this:

Shinku - He's already shaping up to be a very good protagonist. I like his Ultimate Talent (as a writer myself) and his interactions and reactions are really engaging. Much like Makoto or Shuichi, he's rather self-concentrated and has a timid side to him, but unlike them, he's privy to the utter bullshit some of his classmates do in the moment, and he doesn't just let it slide. Though he acknowledges he speaks out of turn, he steps up and calls them out on it. And as strange as it sounds, I can already see the game leading to a moment where he is just gonna snap and fly off the handle, and I am PRAYING for it.

Dracul - I understand why Dracul died so soon, but I also wish he didn't. He was genuinely super cool and fun and I really hope Antebellum gets a school mode-esque minigame where we can get to know him a lot better. Especially since he and Shinku may or may not have a romantic connection, or HAD a romantic connection before anything else. His death left me incredibly bitter, especially when you discover Maiko's reasoning for it, as well as what she actually did to him, but I accept in the end that was the point.

Ismene - Might need to go a little further in with Ismene before I consider her top-tier, but so far she's pretty good. I'm eagerly awaiting to see how the story progresses with her and the conflict surrounding her.

Mononeko - I'm gonna get the mascot out of the way just before anything else, but Mononeko is kind of bland because he isn't any different from Monokuma. I suppose there's a limit to how much you can change the mascot character, but it's been done before with the likes of Kokorosaru (Kill/Cure) and Kou (Heartless Deceit) and I kind of wish there was a LITTLE more difference.

Maiko - I think I've made my opinion on her pretty clear at this point. As a person, I think she's absolutely detestable, and at the risk of sounding hypocritical with me being the creator of Kuripa, her whole vigilante thing took her down a very dark path and she evidently lost her mind a long time ago, and even her tragic backstory surrounding her whore of a mother doesn't excuse what she's done. That said, I have to bump her up a few tiers because the writing of her is very very good. They paint her in a sympathetic light, but not in a bright enough one that you can forgive her for what she did. After all, her primary motive for cutting open Draculs intestines and sticking him onto a giant cake was 1) Because he admitted to SHOPLIFTING as a kid, and 2) because her lead role as the character Melody Pretty; a character she became so obsessed with and who she found so much salvation with, that she started to believe she was the character in real life; was at risk of being replaced by someone else if she didn't kill someone.

Alora - She is INCREDIBLY boring. There is effectively NOTHING to her, at least not at the moment. I'm sure my opinion of her will change if she ends up getting better character moments later down the line, but I'm not really about characters who literally have one expression

Taka - The more I see of Taka, the more he grows on me. I do find it a little unfair that everyone was giving him shit at the end of trial 1. Yes, ok, tampering with crime scenes for a reason like wanting to be exciting is the ramblings of a crazy person, but instead of being in a situation like Kokichi or Nagito where they're doing it for the sake of complicating the case and making things difficult for everyone else, Taka doesn't seem to completely realize the complications of his actions until they're brought to light. Also, I was able to see his lego brick rant at the beginning of Chapter 2 and that was very funny. I think he's pretty solid so far.

Asuga - This is another character who I think I need to spend more time with before I actually formulate a real opinion on her. She's cute and funny and I do like her so far, but I haven't been given many reasons to LOVE her yet.

Eiichi - Eiichi is cool! I don't quite know what I was expecting from someone with the title of Ultimate Gacha Player, but I like how he's handled. People who play that kind of game typically get a bad rep, to which I like how he's not represented as some gross gamer trash, a la Hifumi. No, he's a genuinely nice guy who just wants to lend a hand, and I appreciate him for that.

Takiko - As much as I hate the Ultimate Sister talents in these games of fangames (like the Sada twins from Hope Restoration) Takiko is pretty nice. It is a very interesting concept having a child in a Killing Game where everyone else is adults, but also having that child NOT be a prodigy and just being a normal clueless kid who doesn't understand the concept of death. I think it's very creative and I'm here for it.

Yui - I have absolutely no idea why, but I DON'T FUCKING LIKE HER. Something about her really rubs me the wrong way, like she doesn't take any horrific thing that happens in the game seriously. And not even in the same way Ibuki does! Ibuki at least REACTED to the deaths and participated in the class trial as best she could! But for some reason, Yui seems weirdly at ease with everything bad that happens and makes me incredibly sus of her. I remember how post Dracul's death, she was complaining about her party was ruined, and Shinku tells her "Somebody is dead and you're upset about how your party, which was an obvious set up for someone to be killed, was ruined!? That's fucked up!" And I just thought "...YEAH! Yeah that IS fucked up!" Because I'm just so used to Kodaka's writing I don't give lines like that a second thought, but I'm not sure what it is, I'm getting MAJOR Kanade vibes from Yui.

Lyra - Lyra is my favourite character in the game as of this point. While I do think she might have ties to the deeper conflict of the game, at least she's an interesting and funny character that really gets me engaged with this game. Her dialogue is pretty golden at times and I just like her personality overall. She's cool, cute, funny, entertaining, and so many other great things all at once.

Emilia - Emilia hasn't given me many reasons to like her so far, but I don't DISLIKE her either. I will give her credit for at least being self-aware that she's kind of a bad person, and I can see she's trying to better herself. But until she's actually able to do that, she remains on the latter end of my ranking.

Mint - I think he's pretty nice. I do get the feeling he might snap at one point because everybody bullies him, but he's cute and I like him. I want the best for him and he's a precious bean. (Also lowkey loved seeing him in a dress)

Kotaro - Same case really. I do find it sad how the fact that he bribed his way into good education is never really dropped, despite the fact that Ismene and Mint's crimes revealed at the same time are definitely a lot worse. And I know there's got to be more of the story (I haven't done his FTE's by the way) because he IS genuinely a smart kid who knows a lot, so I know he deserves his Ultimate Talent. My guess is it may have something to do with family or health circumstances that stopped him from going to school; which I can relate to because that's a position I was in for a time during my early uni days. While I wouldn't go as far as to call him a fav, I still like him a lot.

Kiyoshi - I don't like him, but I don't think I'm supposed to. On top of him being an arrogant jerk, I had my suspicions about him being this creepy weirdo behind the scenes, and it turns out I was right about those. Not only with his crime reveal, but also the fact that he stalked Alora and Ismene, as well as the fact that he isn't even remotely apologetic about kidnapping girls, then blackmailing them into silence. But again, I don't like Kiyoshi, but with the way his character is set up, I think that's the point. You're not SUPPOSED to like this dude.

Rei - Last of all, I like Rei for the same reasons I like Lyra. I also like the fact that he’s this little stirrer of chaos, seeing Shinku step up and be like “Hm, yes, how far can I take this?” And I feel like as a character and with his talent, he has a lot of potential later down the line.

//My final list is this:

-Mod

[vibescornerr]

Roselle Ruhe (aot/snk oc)

Roselle is selfish. She’s stubborn and persistent, but cares. She’s energetic and loud with things when you get on her nerves or get her up about something, but outside of that she stays generally silent and reserved. She doesn’t make friends. She’s terrible at it. She’s terrible at socializing.

As a kid, Roselle lived outside near a mountain village (in wall maria). She wasn’t around many other children or people and became very stunted when it came to her emotions and ability to exist around others. She could pick large amounts of weight, she could run real fast. She knew how to read and farm. But when it came to any emotional business, whether with herself or others, she never knew what to do. Continuing, because Roselle didn’t have much friends or knew much people, her family (her mother and father, Maria Ruhe and Detlef Ruhe) were here entire world. So, when she was around 8-10, and her mother left for the interior, that shit broke her. She was confused and scared. There was shuffling and yelling. The two would fight. But then silence, followed by her father crying and breaking down. When he saw Roselle, he held her in his arms apologizing non stop. She was confused, emotions overwhelming her. Why did her mother leave them? Why did she leave her? Did she do something wrong? Was she not good enough. Roselle is a character is selfish, but is also self sacrificing. But all of it is, in the end, motivated by fear and pain. The fear of abandonment. And this is where it started. Her mother was gone. And now all she had left was her father. She couldn’t bare to loose him too. She became more focused on her worth through actions, how she could help him and improve his life. Working on the farm and with the animals so that they thrive, so far she would get hurt, but she would ignore it because “she still has to do this and that before the day ended.” Fear of time, of the end of the day, fear that when that time ends she hasn’t done enough. One time she got so caught up in everything, a cinder block fell on her right foot. It ended up healing, but now she walks with her foot having an inward slant. That event broke her dad, but no matter how many times he tried to scold her, she didn’t care. She was persistent and stubborn. And she was selfish. She acted to “benefit her father,” but did so on what she believed would benefit him. Kinda like following the idea of someone, but not the actual person. She didn’t always follow his words and instead did what she believed would help him. And to a degree, it was something that WAS helpful. Food. Money. The basic needs of life, she persisted to give him those.

In the end, she joined the training cadets to get into the Military Police to get money and give her father a comfy life, especially after the breach of Wall Maria which physically injured him beyond repair. She never made it to the too ten though. She was a good solider and had skill. But when it came to her lack of care, it became too much. She would get hurt and never take care of it or talk someone about it. Small injury could become infections and she get in trouble and stuck missing graded activity’s because she’s stuck in the nursery area. She almost got kicked from the cadets but in the end was able to get through.Kieth, when talking about Roselle says how she truly is a representation of “training to become titan fodder.” Her physical skills were good, but her recklessness and lack of care to her injuries and herself, would get her killed.

ANYWAYS

About Bertolt, I think of certain things. Roselle was not one who cared for rules. She wasn’t a goody two-shoes but she wasn’t rebellious either. She had a one track mind. If the rules benefited her, she followed them. If they didn’t, she broke them. (Which is another reason she got in trouble). But, in the end, she still goes against the rules. And thinking thats something that initially sparked Bertholdt’s feelings in Annie, it could also spark possible feelings for Roselle.

Roselle and Bertholdt also understand a bit of each other. I think of an idea scene (kinda parallel scene) where Bertholdt asks Roselle why she joined the cadets, and she says. “I’m going to climb my way to the Military Police and give my Father a better life. I don’t care for higher glory or comfortability. Not even the money. All I care about is my Father.” And Bertholdt can understand that feeling so well, becoming a warrior just to help his father and so his father would get the proper medicine and medical attention he needs. Roselle wants to get a job where her father can get a comfortable life, especially since his injury affected his ability to get jobs. And Bertholdt can relate to those feelings.

Funny dynamic thing, I feel both Bertholdt and Roselle would be akward and reserved. That actions could bounce off each other sometimes, but other times they would just understand and learn to enjoy the non-verbal interactions between them. The idea of silence causing anxiety for a lot of people, and at first that would be the case, but after a long time, that silence brought comfort and understanding.

Also I remember how Bertholdt and Roselle first interaction is because I think she got upset and threw some drink or food behind her and it landed on Bertholdt. LMAO.

[nothingbutnormalreviews]

Once Upon a Broken Heart

Stephanie Garber

Rating

7/10?

Recommended?

Yeah, sure

Read Again?

Maybe in a year or two

Time to Complete

A little over 9 hours (I'm not really a fast reader)

Trigger Warnings

Death (non-graphic), blood, sexual (adjacent) content if you squint… mostly

First Thoughts

So, I’ve never done a book review before. The reason being I have a habit of starting books, putting them down, forgetting about them, then when I remember them again I have to restart creating a never ending cycle of unread books. I have been writing - and I promise this comes back around, it’s not just me bragging - over a thousand words per day for the past 40-something days. I literally put away my writing and just read this for two days so I wouldn’t do that same thing. I wrote maybe a hundred words last night which is less than I have in who knows how long.

I recommended a friend of a friend the A Court Of Thorns and Roses series. I haven’t read it myself but I watched someone review it who was hate reading it. In return she recommended me this book. Well, she’s now on book five of the series I recommended her so I said sure and picked it up without even reading the summary.

So, here we are.

Favourite Characters

The spirit foxes, LaLa

Least Favourite Character

Marisol

No Spoiler Thoughts

I had zero expectations going into this book. I also had zero idea what the book was about except that it was a young adult fiction. I went in with a full open mind and I definitely didn’t hate it. I had to get through it pretty quickly because I didn’t want to forget about it but it never felt like a chore to read. 

The descriptions were nice. I had a few issues picturing a couple of them but most hit well. Unlike a lot of books, I didn’t find myself skipping certain pieces to get to the next part and having to go back to read it quite as often. There was a good balance between dialogue and descriptors. 

The characters and their motivations were solid but some of the dialogue with them did feel a bit… stale? The side characters would give bits of motivational speeches to the main character but some of them felt out of character. Like any random character could have said that same exact thing but also would any of them really speak like that? 

The plot was good. I felt like it didn’t stay on one path too long and had a very “oh, we’re doing this now” kind of feel on some parts but I’ll talk about that more in the spoilers section. I found myself enjoying the world that was built. The world having magic in one area but not in another was interesting to me. Hello, I want spirit foxes and mini dragons though.

I read a digital copy of the book on my phone and I did find that a bit of the formatting got a touch weird. It was nothing that made me want to stop reading or really get frustrated but it didn’t go unnoticed. I’m sure the physical book is a lot better spaced. Also, the physical book design is gorgeous. 

Food for thought (and I count this as not a spoiler since it’s talked about almost immediately): if Jacks kisses himself does he die? If he doesn’t die does that mean he’s his own true love?

Spoiler Thoughts

I’ll be honest, I got to about a hundred pages left and I thought to myself: how are they going to wrap anything up by the end of this without it feeling rushed? We don’t know who killed Apollo, we still don’t know anything about that gate, we don’t know if Marisol is actually a bad person, there’s still one more kiss left. How? The answer is: none of it was. We learned that Marisol put a love spell on Luc… and that’s really it. They teased knowing that his brother killed Apollo but then went: eh? Are you sure though?? Sure, we learned about the gate… kinda.

I know there’s a second book. I have it on hold and I’m just waiting for it to be available. I did screw up and released my hold on the book before writing a review so all of what I have is just what’s in my memory from the last two days since I don’t want to spoil anything for myself. I just felt like this book and The Ballad of Never After are probably going to end up feeling like they should have been one continuous book rather than two separate books but we’ll see I guess. 

The plot didn’t really go where I expected it to go. In the start I figured it’d end up being about her running her father’s shop then it got sold. Then suddenly she’s meeting the empress - as a note: the amount of times the words ‘petal’ and ‘hummingbird’ were said in that scene was incredibly high - and being shipped up North. Then I thought it’d be about her moving there permanently and Jacks causing mischief while she tried to learn about the stories her mom told her. It absolutely shocked me that she actually said yes to Apollo’s proposal.

It just kept taking turns that I wasn’t expecting which wasn’t a bad thing. Then suddenly there were vampires?? Why not, I guess. Then suddenly Luc was there because… why not I guess? I get he was trying to heal his scars but that felt like something that could have been saved for the second book. It felt forced so that Jacks would get frisky with Evangeline.

The plot did have me feeling like I was being dragged along for the ride sometimes but Evangeline probably felt the same way. Guess we’re being turned to stone now. Oop, now we’re going to the North, alright. Oh, the prince actually wants me? Probably because of Jacks but alright. Oh, he’s dead now and I’m uncontrollably sobbing. Jacks is holding me now in the house of another Fate? Cool, cool. We’re going to find the real killer, got it. Vampires? Those are real? Wait, is that the guy from the party? Well, this whole place is like a torture dungeon but here we are. Wait, is that Luc? And he’s trying to kill me now. And now Jacks is trying to bite me. But Marisol’s bad! Got that at least! Nope, never mind, it was mostly Apollo’s brother (that I can’t remember the name of, obviously) and he’s trying to kill me now because of a prophecy. Hey! I’m alive and a princess again! Oh, Apollo’s also alive!

And that’s the plot for you.

Okay, let’s talk about some of the characters.

I didn’t care for Marisol from the absolute beginning. The author tried to make us like her a bit more. Oh, her mom sucks. Oh, she was called the Cursed Bride. Oh, she’s more reserved. She was the one character that felt less concrete than the rest. She felt like she was just trying to become Evangeline for the entire book. Like she was ready to skin her to make that happen. She took Evangeline’s lover. She took Evangeline’s room. She got engaged to Apollo’s brother, like, three days after his death. Chill, girl.

In the end it was basically her fault that Evangeline got mixed up with Jacks. There are how many people in that town and you have to try to curse Evangeline’s love? Seriously? And then she has the nerve to basically try to get Evangeline killed because she wanted to stop the wedding? Was Evangeline an idiot for trying to use a Fate to do that? Yeah. And she paid for it by turning to stone for six weeks and being indebted to said Fate. What did you get to repay for what you did, huh? You lost someone who wasn’t yours and got the kindness of your step-sister? 

I just felt like she was the least fleshed out character of them all from motivations to dialogue. At least her mom’s goal was to make her a good wife. Marisol felt very all over the place and I felt tired of her by the end. 

Jacks - on the other hand - was a good villain character. Maybe not even a real villain character. Chaotic neutral. A person with his own motivations that weren’t exactly moral and likes chaos. He’s written well. He sticks to his motivations well. I think he might like biting a bit too much? Not judging… mostly. Biting’s just brought up a lot with him. Consent, bro. Him revealing that Evangeline didn’t actually have to kiss those people for them to be charmed and that he just made her for fun was wild. I can respect that kind of chaos. 

Speaking of chaos, what an absolute power move though to just break a goddamn lock with vampire venom in his veins and be like “cool, kill me then lmao”. I will say, some of those descriptors in that scene definitely seemed a lot like kissing her neck. Again, not judging just gotta get consent, bro. 

I think he was the most entertaining character to read. I really do enjoy reading characters that are charismatic like that mostly because I feel like I have more trouble writing them than most kinds of characters. He’s a character that you can hate but at the same time like and understand. Absolutely someone I’d want to stay fifty feet minimum away from if he was a real person though. 

Evangeline. For the entire book - I kid you not - I skipped over her name. Even proof reading this I skip over it. I tried to pronounce it on the first page and couldn’t quite figure it out. I just looked up the pronunciation of it and I think it’s now on my list of least favourite names next to Calliope and Boyanna. Honestly, I respect the choices she made most of the time. Sometimes she definitely felt like a goddamn push over. She didn’t fight to get the shop back that was sold when she was turned to stone, she didn’t take her room back when it was given to Marisol. 

She is stronger willed than I am though. In at least two parts of that book I would have just been like “okay, death it is” and when woken up just sigh. The first time Jacks said “my kiss would kill you” I’d have been like “okay, do it” and called it a day life. And not because of the rumours of his kiss being to die for. Seriously, this girl had more near death experiences in however-long-the-book-takes than most people have in a lifetime. 

The biggest thing I can’t forgive her for is not getting a pet dragon though. Seriously, who goes to a magical land and doesn’t get a goddamn mini pet dragon on a whim even if you can’t take it back to the South. Come on!

Final Thoughts 

Overall, I can’t say I didn’t enjoy the book considering I read the whole thing in two days. I liked the concept and the writing’s good. The main characters are definitely easy to read - unlike some books that make you want to strangle the main character - and mostly have well thought motivations. I’m ready to read the second book after I catch up on some of my own writing and maybe dye my hair rose gold???

[aelianaluan]

AEYA’S BOOK REVIEW #1

LIP READING by Harry Lee Kraus

Genre: Medical Fiction, Romance, Christian Fiction, Thriller, Mystery

RATING: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♡ ♡

This book was very, very, VERY close to being the first book in my did-not-finish-probably-never-will list. Just one more button and I would’ve dropped this. The only saving grace is that I don’t want to leave a book unfinished, and even though I’m afraid of anything blood-related, I still love science!

OKAYYYY so, there are 4 reasons why I almost dropped this book. The main reason was that the Male Lead was confused about his feelings for the 2 bachelorettes and I really didn’t like it because he was kinda giving false hope to the 2 women. It gave me the BIG ICK.

The second reason is about the “kidnapping” scene, when 2 legally aged men trapped or baited 2 minor girls :3. It didn’t really sit well with me especially when one of the girls met one of the boys again and HE TOLD HER TO MEET HIM AFTER 5 YEARS???!!! def deserves a bombastic, criminal offensive side eye

The third reason is the conflict that was presented in the first chapter of the story, in my opinion, was not really resolved properly *sigh* and author presented the resolution of that conflict in JUST ONE PARAGRAPH. For me, that conflict was impactful and is very relevant to the story as it serves the catalyst for the development of the MC and the plot itself but then it was very disappointing that it wasn’t really given an importance :(( tbh the first 2 chapters was the reason that got me hooked so I was really disappointed :(( still a solid story tho!!! :>

I CAN GIVE A PASS for the last reason but it also gave me the Ick. I totally understand why the MC was soooo conscious about her appearance specifically her lips, but I feel like sometimes it was kinda too much but not to the point that she’s a narcissist. There are scenarios where it was unnecessary for her to be conscious of her appearance or that the author shouldn’t have kept on mentioning it because, imo, the author already established the reason why she was self-conscious and I think it was enough :) and for me, the MC is perfect the way she is ♥♥♥ but at the same time, I would like to thank the Mr. Harry Kraus for always mentioning the brands and shades of lipstick the Female MC is using hehe it also helped with the immersion ♥♥♥

Isn’t is surprising that I gave this book 3 hearts?! Even though it got me on my nerves, the book is still pretty solid. This is the first medical fiction book I’ve read and I’m glad it was written by a real medical doctor. No offense to those authors who write medical fiction without any medical background (I know for sure that authors research stuff for the stories they are writing) it’s just that a real medical doctor can write medical fiction better ‘cause they have an on-hand experience with anything medical, y’know what I mean? hehe. THE SAVING GRACE of the book is the main plot or the main topic of the story *SPOILERS* Artificial Blood. The 2 main characters were trying to create artificial blood to lessen or PREVENT the spread of HIV thru blood transfusion. I can feel the motivation, frustration, and the passion of the main character to finish their research so that they can release the artificial blood to the market. The author did very well on showing that guilt is a powerful motivator and in the story, can possibly lead to sacrificing oneself. This is a Christian Fiction but in my opinion, this story also relates with other religion as it shows how one person struggles with their own faith.

Even if I almost dropped this book, I’m still gonna recommend this book. The story and the plot is still pretty solid to me (that’s why I gave it 3 hearts). There are lots of realization in the story that will also make you think about your life choices. You can see the thought process of the characters in this book and it helped me understand why that character made that decision. Sometimes, it might be too detailed but it kinda helps you to relate and to know more about the character and because of this, it helped me to keep reading this book ♥

If you want to grab a copy of this book, here’s the amazon link: https://amzn.to/3nLzwam

[deliciouskeys]

I agree that they’re transposing the comics James Stilwell storyline onto this one. And I think Stan’s conversation with HL in season 2 episode 1 regarding not having to consult HL about team members is an example of doing that deftly. Stan comes off as cool, collected, scathingly honest, and fearless to tell HL how it is— put him in his place and leave him speechless.

But the comics had nothing even close to equivalent for the kind of prolonged provocation that happens between s2 and s3, and what we see in the first 2 eps of s3. Stan being petty is a solid explanation but that’s very different from the comics, and it implies that— far from a mastermind— Stan is very short sighted and pretty irrational if he didn’t think something would eventually give. He doesn’t seem to understand what drives HL at all. HL’s line about “I’d rather be loved, I really would, but if you take that away from me, being feared as a-okay by me” comes to mind. Stan came close to taking away that fanbase, love, etc. HL’s tirade at his birthday special shocked everyone, but at least it was just words and an appeal for someone to take his side during this unfair treatment (it worked very well, because HL has rizz even at his most stutteringly angry moments). But that kind of public breakdown could have been much worse. He could have been provoked by someone in the audience and decided that, fuck this, he’s not playing this game anymore, and he has nothing to lose because his fanbase has been eroded, and just fried the entire audience, Stan included, as phase 1 of his campaign to just terrorize all of humanity so at least they pay attention to him. So either Stan misunderstands what motivates HL and what keeps him in check, and was lucky it wasn’t worse, or he knew what he was risking and did it out of pettiness anyway, which I guess is supposed to be an echo to James Stilwell’s apathy towards HL’s threats. But James Stilwell never spent any energy provoking HL specifically so it’s a very different vibe in those conversations.

Regarding storytelling perspective for choosing Starlight… I understand the mechanics of what they wanted to do with Maeve etc, and it’s certainly more interesting that Starlight gets to play that role than either Maeve or some rando new character. But that doesn’t change the fact that they did very little with it. It didn’t really strengthen Starlight’s motivations, if anything she became more of a pacifist in the group towards the end. It almost revealed something about HL’s neediness for affection, but then it… kind of didn’t. So if it didn’t serve that much in driving storylines or character development forward, it’s strange they didn’t give Stan a more explicit reason to promote her. I don’t think it’s just young woman vs old— why promote a woman at all? I think we’re supposed to deduce that Stan knows quite a bit about her double agenting, the uneasy detente she has with HL, and that she has the most antagonistic relationship with HL out of the Seven. I think it’s heavily implied Stan promotes her to specifically irk HL. Which is fine, but gets back to the needless risky provocations question above. The writing in season 3 leaves a lot more vague conjectural motivations for some characters than seasons 1 and 2 in general. Global problem.

Stan Edgar's and Homelander's relationship: my two cents

Tl;dr: Stan Edgar's show-canon relationship with Homelander presumes (and loosely establishes) the relationship between comics Homelander and James Stillwell, including James' Stillwell's extreme confidence vis-à-vis Homelander, which explains a lot of Stan's more insane choices provoking Homelander, but I remain naively hopeful that the show also means to show us in the end that he has miscalculated.

Following up on this post trying to figure out what the hell Stan Edgar's end game is with Homelander, I just want to add a small point to what I think is an excellent discussion because I think you can't really answer the question of Stan's intentions via-à-vis Homelander without establishing what the show-canon relationship between the two is supposed to be (even if the execution is done badly). Personally, I think show canon tries to do one of two things: 1. take the canon relationship in the comics and twist it by having "James Stillwell"/Stan Edgar miscalculate or 2. take the canon relationship in the comics and keep "James Stillwell"/Stan Edgar as the mastermind. My guess (and hope) is that they are going for number 1, but who knows, maybe there's some secret third option.

Either way, what is clear is that the show is trying to replicate, in some form, the dynamic that exists between Homelander and James Stillwell in the comics. That's apparent when Stan Edgar tells Starlight that Homelander will stay in line as long as he is in charge, which is supposed to establish that Stan Edgar is 100% confident in his ability to manage Homelander no matter what.

(It is also hinted at from Homelander's perspective when they replicate the comics plot point that Homelander is confused by/scared of his blood pressure/heart rate/whatever other readings he gets, and when he wonders if Stan Edgar is the headpopper because he thinks he must be a very powerful supe due to his lack of fear.)

Seriously, I think the sentence above is central to understanding the relationship. BUT, interestingly, when he says "and we both know why", the viewer doesn't know why, and this is where the show could have really done a better job explaining it.

This is a problem with many of the points taken directly from the comics because they are casually imposed on the show without properly "translating" them to the new medium and the new storyline to actually make them significant to the show (instead of just mentioning them on the side). Another good example of this is Maeve's alcoholism. We see her drinking in S1E1 during a work meeting, then we don't see her drinking in meetings again though she still has occasional drinks, and in S3, she tells Butcher she's been sober for X months. But that's really all we see of it -- it never becomes a major point in her character arch and gets lost easily. So from a storytelling perspective, that's dissatisfying. Either weave the point properly into the character's arch, or leave it out entirely.

So anyway, back to the main point, which is that the show presumes the relationship from the comics and makes it visible here and there. I think they do a slightly better job with Homelander and his relationship with Stan "James Stillwell" Edgar than with Maeve's relationship with alcohol, but the point is still not translated very well. However, what we can take away from it is that for whatever Stan Edgar does, he always proceeds from the assumption that he has Homelander 100% under control, same as when James Stillwell tells an enraged Homelander, who has come to kill him, to do it already because he is bored out of his mind by his rant.

That is the level of confidence that should be assumed behind every single of Stan's actions that affect Homelander. My personal take is he takes some joy in humiliating Homelander and getting away with it, especially since this person he considers largely irrelevant to the company's bottom line has just given him a ton of extra work.

I did also consider the possibility that Stan is doing this strategically to show who the real boss is and bring Homelander back under his thumb, and I guess that's possible given that he has just had to deal with two Homelander contingencies in a row -- the supe terrorists and HL discovering Ryan. That would seem like a good time to reassess his prior assumptions about his control over HL. But I do think his confidence in his ability to manage HL is supposed to be taken as real and not just an act in S3, so my personal headcanon is that Stan is being petty. Homelander annoys him, so why only punish him once if he can do it -- cost free in his mind -- over and over again?

Anyway, my hope is that the show is going with having Stan Edgar miscalculating instead of masterminding. I don't want a "Stan as puppet master who saw every single one of Homelander's moves coming" storyline, but based on the way the scene between Homelander and Stan Edgar on 99 was done, miscalculation also seems more likely, because Stan does slam the glass down on the table as he leaves the room, which I'm guessing is meant to indicate that despite his blood pressure and calm demeanor, his blasé attitude was an act and he is waking up to the fact that, oops, he did miscalculate.

That doesn't answer all the questions, such as why choose Starlight over Maeve, but I mean, the answer to that one is pretty evident from a storytelling perspective: if you have a central heroine and a character who will leave the show at the end of the Season 3, which of of these two characters are you going to put at the center of a major conflict? Obviously the one who is your main heroine. Bringing in a new person mid-season just for this would be... a very questionable choice in any writer's room.

Anyway, I would also argue that in this case, it doesn't really do much harm to Stan's character building and story arch. It's totally in line with his own and Vought's overall ethics that they would discard a woman who, by industry standards, is old, and go for a fresh face, their rising star, a person Stan presumes to still be impressionable and malleable -- he knows how to work with people like that. Sure, she may not be as young as Vicky was when he got to her, but it's reasonable he would assume he could shape her more easily than Maeve, so I really don't see any plothole here.

Starlight's relationship with The Boys is irrelevant because Stan canonically does not see The Boys as a threat. He may not love Butcher, but he's good enough to form a temporary alliance with, and Stan certainly does not view him as a existential threat to himself or to Vought. That may be another miscalculation, but for the time being, given Butcher's hyperfocus on Homelander and his inability to see the big picture about Vought, it seems fair enough. Stan also doesn't believe that he's giving Starlight a whole lot of power with the new position. The co-captains are performing monkeys in his mind (just like Homelander himself has always been), so the risk, to him, is not much higher than having her join The Seven in the first place.

It certainly doesn't answer the question of why Stan put Stormfront in The Seven given what must be a very complex relationship between the two. Clearly, she's influential at the company, clearly, they work together (she does the high risk stuff for him so that he can maintain plausible deniability and distance himself from the ugliest parts of Vought's medical experiments), clearly, they do not like each other (unless there's something we don't know). But perhaps that's their deal: Stormfront does the ugly stuff for Stan, Stan gets her closer to her beloved Nazi-ideal-confirming potential son-in-spirit. Obviously, their exact relationship is never explained directly. It's either a plothole or a plotline that was left open because it will be closed later, or a plotline that was left open and will remain open because the way shows are written means not all loose ends are tied up in the end. Personally, I don't think we'll see this one resolved.

Anyway, best case scenario, the show will deliver as a twist on "James Stillwell" as someone who miscalculated on multiple fronts (mainly Homelander, possibly Butcher, but that's probably just my pipe dream lol) thanks to his overconfidence, and gets destroyed along with Vought as a consequence. Worst case scenario, this will all fizzle out and not be resolved properly as the show descends deeper into the contemporary American politics non-plotline.

[serpenteve]

why we ship darklina

an essay literally no one asked for

Nobody needs a "reason" to ship Darklina. But considering this is a villain x hero pairing, it got me thinking about why we shipped it in the first place when the narrative and author so badly wanted us to root for the more sensible alternative pairing and why it became the most popular ship of the entire trilogy.

Personally, I find it really interesting (and low-key hilarious) that a lot of the reasons shippers gravitated towards Darklina can be directly traced back to how badly Bardugo bungled Alina's character arc, Mal's entire characterization and narrative role, Nikolai's wasted potential as an alternative love interest, and the noble intentions she gives the the Darkling.

Alina's Character Arc

Alina's character arc doesn't match who she is as a character. I've written more about that in this post, but a lot of readers were introduced to a passive and insecure protagonist who we were expecting to undergo a typical YA coming-of-age character arc where Alina acquires self-acceptance, confidence, and embraces the full breadth of her powers over the course of the trilogy. Instead, Bardugo gave Alina the kind of character arc that's usually deserved for power-hungry anti-heroines or tragic heroes with a fatal flaw to punish.

The plot offers a strange binary: either Alina suppresses and hides her powers and therefore stays away from descending into villainy OR Alina attempts to find Morozova's amplifiers in order to defeat the Darkling but then becomes corrupted by power in the process. Alina's journey to self-acceptance and exploring her own powers are unfortunately entangled with her relationship with the Darkling. The only way she is allowed to move forward through the plot is to succumb to the corrupting influence of the amplifiers.

For better or for worse, the first character to really embrace her powers instead of thinking she's a fraud or that she's weak or that she's an unholy abomination is the Darkling. He's the first person to recognize her power for what it is and accurately judge its potential and implications for the rest of the world. He advocates for her in front of the royal court, in front other Grisha who think she's weak, and even against Baghra who is initially a very ill-tempered mentor with little to no faith in Alina's abilities. He even rather ironically advocates for her even when the heroic person who's supposed to be supporting her (Mal) does not.

At the start of her journey, Alina is insecure and in constant need of assurance and validation. The Darkling's role as her mentor and guide into this unfamiliar world of Grisha makes him the perfect advocate not only for her powers but also to help Alina see her place in the world. However, once he is revealed to be the villain, Alina also fails to realize that it's time for her to advocate for herself and throws the baby out with the bathwater.

Mal's Characterization & Narrative Role

When Alina loses the Darkling as an advocate in S&B, Mal steps up to take this role. Alina is still rather passive for the majority of the first book and it's Mal who originally wants her to have Morozova's stag as an amplifier if it will mean being able to stand against the Darkling. Bardugo intended for him to be a heroic love interest as a foil to the villainous love interest and I believe she mostly succeeds for the first book.

However, because this is a story about punishing Alina's "evil ambition" (despite there being very little evidence of that) Mal is supposed to serve as a voice of reason in the narrative. Once Alina considers the necessity of acquiring more amplifiers to defeat the Darkling, it is Mal's role to warn her of the potential consequences, to remind her of her inner humanity, and to ward against the corrupting influence of Morozova's amplifiers. Mal's declarations that he wants back the old girl he knew without any power is meant to drive an ideological wedge between them, yes, but he's also meant to be Correct™ because, again, Bardugo is writing a story about a corrupted power-hungry heroine who goes too far and needs to be punished rather than the arc we were all expecting and the one that Alina's character needs: a coming-of-age story of self-acceptance and personal growth.

Some point after the backlash of Siege & Storm, Bardugo seems to have become aware of her mistake and attempts to scrub Mal's character to be more sympathetic. There is a bizarre exchange half-way through the third book when Mal finally declares:

"I wasn't afraid of you, Alina. I was afraid of losing you. The girl you were becoming didn't need me anymore, but she's who you were always meant to be."

This is an interesting line because it's a complete reversal of Mal's narrative role so far. He's supposed to be her voice of reason that opposes her at every turn but readers interpreted him as being resentful of Alina's powers and angry that she was no longer dependent on him. Bardugo is forced to retcon Mal's entire role in the narrative from being a voice of reason that opposes Alina's quest for power to a supportive friend who will fight by her side. But this was never her initial intention and I believe this change was brought on 100% by audience reaction because she failed to understand the arc her heroine needed and the kind of story her audience was anticipating for such a character.

Needless to say, having your heroine's main love interest actively resent her quest for power until half-way through the third damn book did not endear many readers to Mal. Because Bardugo failed to understand the kind of character development her heroine needed and failed to understand audience expectations, we hated Mal. He became the embodiment of every toxic chauvinist we'd ever met who can't stand the idea of his partner's success and feels entitled to be the center of her universe. He was not the voice of reason. He was an annoying gnat hellbent on dragging the heroine down and away from her destiny. We did not want to root for him. Even the villain was more sympathetic than him because he could bring her closer to achieving the self-acceptance the narrative was obsessed with denying her.

Nikolai's Wasted Potential as a Solid Love Interest

Nikolai plays several roles in Alina's journey but most importantly in our discussions for why we ended up shipping Darklina, his entire potential as a serious love interest is wasted.

When we meet Nikolai, we have hitched our wagons to the Darklina train because despite being the villain, the Darkling is the only one who will allow the heroine to accept her powers and come into her own. Her heroic love interest, Mal, is actively sabotaging her efforts and holding her back from her true potential. But then, in swoops Nikolai and we pause, wondering if there may be a better heroic alternative after all?

In a lot of ways, Nikolai and the Darkling alike: they are eager for Alina's power and see her as a solution to all their problems. They may want to use Alina to prop up their own agendas, but unlike Mal, Alina's summoning powers are a massive plus, not a burden. Nikolai is the heroic alternative to our villainous Aleksander. So we wait, wondering if Nikolai will be the one to fix this mess of a romantic subplot. His royal connections offer an easy path to upwards mobility for our heroine and we sense that an alliance between them (even if it's initially political in nature) may bring our heroine closer to obtaining more power, influence, and self-acceptance not only for herself, but also for the oppressed minority she is a part of.

But, again, Bardugo is still obsessed with that "punish the heroine for wanting power" agenda so while Nikolai exists as another mentor figure who offers Alina advice on how to rule, how to appeal to other people, how to charm, how to win people over, and Alina learns and applies much of what she learns from him, he is not treated as a real love interest.

Despite Nikolai being written as a fairy tale prince (handsome, charming, smart as a whip, brave in battle, etc) Alina never actually considers him romantically. They are friends and allies at best and the only time she considers kissing him is only when she's pissed about Mal.

Nikolai's proposal at the end of Ruin & Rising feels like one last saving grace, one last opportunity for our heroine to take control of her life and make a dramatic change to break from the past. But this too is rejected because Alina's arc will never let her access any power. She does not reject Nikolai because she wants to marry for love. She rejects him because she has been "punished" for wanting power and has internalized that she must not seek any more power for fear of angering the plot gods (and Bardugo). She must return to being nobody in order to remain a good and moral person.

(And, of course, we resent Mal even more because who in their right mind would choose him over Nikolai? Once again, he becomes a roadblock on our heroine's journey to power. We grow irritated that the heroine is failing to grasp an opportunity to elevate herself. We throw the book against the wall. Why are we even following this heroine?)

The Darkling's Motivations

Still, all of the above might still not have been enough to pull the reader to the villain's side. But the Darkling is the living embodiment of Villain Has A Point™. He is not pure unadulterated evil. He is not Lord Sauron or Voldemort or the Terminator.

He's more Magneto, Roy Batty, or Ozymandias---a man who is part of an oppressed minority who longs for justice and power but is absolutely unhinged in his methods.

Alina runs away because she does not want to be a non-consenting weapon in hands. But we always end up wondering what would have happened had Baghra not warned her. What would have happened if Alina gladly joined the Darkling's side? There's hundreds of fanfics written precisely about this situation because despite the villainy of his methods, we wonder if Ravka might not have been safer after all?

If the Darkling had used the Fold as a weapon against Fjerda and Shu Han, would any of the problems Ravka faces in the later books even exist? Would any Grisha fall victim to the khergud programs or be killed as witches? The Darkling wipes out Novokribirsk and kills hundreds of lives, but how many would he have saved with the Fold as Ravka's greatest shield and sword? 🤷🏽‍♀️

And therein lies the problem with the trilogy inconsistent moral landscape. The Darkling is an anti-villain that exists in a narrative that is very black and white, unlike the rest of the books in the Grishaverse where our protagonists are anti-heroes who kill, steal, and torture their way through the plot with nary a judgmental glance from the narrative. We long to see our heroine give in to her dark side and get her hands dirty because watching a naive, passive, scared little girl grow into a ruthless powerful Grisha would have made for a hell of a compelling story.

But that's not the story Bardugo wanted to tell.

The Greg Trilogy

Despite taking place in a fantasy Tsartist setting, the Grisha trilogy is oddly anti-Grisha. The narrative doesn't spend much time trying to examine the context or implications of an oppressed minority group fighting for power other than to say "magic powers = evil". Nikolai skates by on a throne of inherited wealth, privilege, and imperialism but it's okay because he's charming and witty and the only monstrous part of him is the Darkling's curse. Literally everything is worse for Ravka and their Grisha after the destruction of the Fold but Ravka must move forward into a new age without relying on Grisha power but putting their efforts into new muggle technologies. Alina must be stripped of her powers and returned to her "old self" in order to be purged of evil.

Basically, it's all one gigantic ✨ dumpster fire ✨ of mismatched character arcs, incompatible moral aesops, inconsistent characterizations, wasted potential, unexamined plot points but it's a a dumpster fire we lovingly and spitefully embrace in fanfic.

We don't ship Alina with the Darkling because we're stupid abuse apologists who somehow missed the giant flashing moral aesop of the books---and honestly, who could have possibly missed them when it's shoved in the reader's face every other chapter? We ship Alina with the Darkling because the entire ship is the embodiment of wasted potential (and wasted ✨aesthetics✨ tbqh 👀). We ship Alina with the Darkling because we're sick and tired of stories where female power is demonized. We ship Alina with the Darkling because the plot gave us literally no other alternative to see our heroine succeed except to give in to her alleged villainy.

But most of all, people ship Darklina because Leigh Bardugo utterly failed in writing the story she intended to write because had she succeeded, Darklina would not be the most popular ship of the trilogy.

[gliphyartfan]

@stars-for-thought @imprisioned-in-the-hole @linked-heroes @ice-cream-writes-stuff

This...wrecked me.

BUT it was a long time coming! Had to cut half of it out cause it grew too long (nearly 6k is still long right?). But I did it! I honestly hope I did it justice!

If not for @yandere-linked-universe, I would have lost all motivation a week ago!

But I was successful!

Still though...heroes and their need to argue...

It wasn't something they've done in a long while.

Gathering around one another.

Not willingly at the least.

Eight of them sitting a fair distance away from the houses, the camp fire being the only source of light for them at this time of night.

Hyrule the last one to arrive, having checked up on (y/n) before arriving at the designated place, so the eight simply sat around the camp fire in silence, stewing in their own thoughts.

When he arrives, informing them of y/n's stable condition, it was then Legend claps his hands and brings their attention to him.

'I think I speak for all of us when I say we need to air out some things.' He would give them all a stern look. 'And let me be clear on the fact that we can't hide anything right now.'

None of them look at each other.

Hyrule nervously agrees but expresses concern over being heard by the nearby houses, more worried at disturbing (y/n) than he was about disturbing the neighbors.

Wind assures him that they wouldn't be heard.

'Mesa doesn't sleep at night cause of the monsters that used to pop up, plus he hates being alone nowadays so he stays with Miss Sue-Belle and her grandpa at night.' Wind explained with a shrug.

'Even if he was there, he's a really heavy sleeper, we could scream at the very top of our lungs all we want and no one would hear us from over here. I've tested it.'

'How convenient.' Wars remarked with a snort but wouldn't make a comment after getting a look from Time.

Before things could become awkward, Legend does not hesitate to be blunt about it.

'We need to stop.' He would say, resting his elbows on his knees.

'Stop what?' Wild mutters.

'All of 'this'.' He's wave his hand towards the group, a scowl on his face.

Wars rolls his eyes.

'Legend, my dear hoarder, you need to be more specif-'

' When was the last time we talked to one another without taking note of eachothers weaknesses?'

Warriors closed his mouth, the group looked at each other, none speaking up with an answer.

'When was the last time we actually shared a space without tension? Covered each other in battle because we were worried instead out of obligation, or just leaving each other to fend for themselves? Or shared our potions willingly?' A sharp smile on his face. 'Or better yet, when was the last time we trusted one another?'

...

No one had anything to say to that.

Legend shook his head, a scowl appearing. 'I'm not dumb, I can see what's in front of me. Whatever trust we forged during our journey is at risk of fading to almost nothing. It's a fucking miracle y/n hasn't noticed us going for each other's throat.

'Okay, that's a bit harsh.' Sky interjected nervously, 'I agree that it's possible things have been...rather tense lately, but I wouldn't say it's that bad.'

Legend leveled a look at him.

'Four, Wild, and Twilight have all scared off at least 12 different people for looking at her recently.'

'It was necessary!' Four exclaimed in defense, Twilight placing a hand on his shoulder keep him from jumping up from his seat, Wild staying in his seat, though his hands tightened into fists. ' We saw the intentions in their eyes! The way they stared at her! They were looking at her like she was food!'

Legend turned the leveled look at the blacksmith.

'All 12? All of them? In the same town? In the same day? He asked with a scoffed, 'Same hour? Half of them women? Oh yes, very dangerous. And it's rather convenient when the Cook joins in and helps you scare them away.'

Four had a sneer on his face but the silent rancher's hand on his shoulder kept him from doing anything else.

Legend watched them for another moment before turning back to Sky.

'Warriors and Hyrule have been awfully careful with keeping any of us from encroaching upon her personal space, either by being the ones to guard her while she's bathing or when she's hurt.'

'What, so that makes us suspicious?' The captain crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at him, Hyrule nervously ducking his head. 'She deserves some space away from you clingy lot! We're just making sure she has it!'

'Funny how you say that when you've been taken advantage of your position to have some alone time with her.' Legend doesn't even look away from the skyloftian as he answers back. 'You know, you're quite charming when you think no one is paying attention. And don't think I haven't noticed how our resident healer has been hoarding potions for some time.'

Warriors and Hyrule tensed at being found out, keeping their eyes from settling on anyone else's as they were looked at.

'The old man has been very careful in sending one of us ahead when there's danger. That honestly took me a bit to figure out, since he rotates who goes. Yet he never seems to volunteer himself.' The vet looked over at Time, who's featured remained impassive.

'Wild has been more aggressive with strangers than Four, which is saying something considering how violent the blacksmith has been. The sailor has been growling at every kid that's been as close as 5 feet of her and clings to her when he thinks we're too busy, and don't think I haven't noticed the way you've been nudging the tension between everyone while going through her things Sky.'

He raised an eyebrow as he looked back at the pale faced skyloftian.

'And you're telling me it's not that bad?'

There wasn't anything the group could say to those (accurate) accusations, Four looked to be visibly restraining himself from hitting him.

...

'...Maybe it's because you all force your presence on her...'

'...What was that?' Four growled out, solid blue eyes snapping up to glare at the speaker.

Wind lifted his head, glaring back at the blacksmith.

'You heard me Blacksmith, or is your attention span as short as your height?' He sneered. 'You all force your presence on her when she wants to be left alone! At least she feels comfortable with me!'

Four sneered back at Wind. 'The way you hog her attention is the very comforting.'

'Hey, I at least GIVE her space! I saw how you yelled at that shopkeeper when he asked if she needed anything-'

'I had to! Didn't you see the way that disgusting bastard-'

...

Legend watched as the group slowly dissolved into chaos. Each hero soon shouting at one another.

This is what he had been worried about for so long, and here was proof that the trust they had between one another is dangerously close to collapsing.

He watched as Twilight was talking coldly to Time, who didn't even have the decency to look ashamed of his choices.

Four and Wind were at each other's throats and Warriors was basically growling at Wild, who was screaming about how he always knew Warriors was keeping y/n away from everyone else.

Sky and Hyrule, who were shouting at each other over what they've been doing.

He needed to get them back on track, so with a deep breath, he whistled as loudly as he could.

He began speaking the moment they all looked at him.

'Well ain't this a beautiful example of shit I've ever seen!'

'Enough Veteran!' Time ordered, speaking up for what seemed the first time since this conversation began.

'You've been doing a good job keeping quiet old man, better get back to being a good boy and let the big people talk.' Legend didn't need to look at Time to know his expression was thunderous.

'All of you acting like little BRATS, ready to play 'it's not my fault, it's YOURS.' A humorless laugh escaping him.

'News flash bastards, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULTS.' His grin was more bearing teeth than a grin.

'None of you are innocent.'

He expected Wild to shout at him, maybe Wind or Sky. Hell, the good captain looked ready to tackle him.

Yet it was Four who jumped to his feet, growling at the Veteran.

The smaller boy slipped away from the hands restraining him, rushing forward and grabbed the taller boy's collar, slamming their foreheads together and hissing, 'Just who the hell do you think you are?!?'

'That's a funny question.' He remarked mockingly, making sure not to show that the head bashing hurt. 'Considering how you seem to think you're in the right.'

Four wasn't pleased by his comment. 'I'll take out anyone that lays a malicious hand on her. How dare you even insinuate that I would let such a thing happen!'

'For someone who sounds so sincere, you have a funny way of showing it.' Legend retorted with gritted teeth, never taking his eyes off the shorter man's.

'Acting like you care but when it matters, you're as blind as the rest of us. That's why she got hurt.'

The others surged forward,

'How dare you-"

'That's not true-'

'Damnit Vet, you can't just-'

'SHE NEARLY DIED DAMNIT!!' He shoved Four back, basically throwing him to the floor, having enough of everyone's nonsense.

Everyone stills at his words.

'SHE'S STILL UNRESPONSIVE!! SHE'S ALMOST DIED BECAUSE OF OUR FUCKING RIVALRY!!!' He blazed with impotent rage.

'She's laying in that house, because she got LUCKY. Do you hear me?' He emphasized his point by gesturing in the direction of Wind's house.

'Because had we not gotten our shit together? Had we argued just a moment more? We would have been standing before her GRAVE.'

His face was dark with fury.

'And you have the fucking nerve to tell me I'm in the wrong?' He hissed through clenched teeth.

...

...It is quiet.

The veteran stared right into the blacksmith's eyes, vaguely noticing how it shifted colors rapidly. The way his face twitched, as if physically restraining himself from saying something he would regret.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the others frozen in different positions of action.

Some halfway out of their seats, others reaching for the two of them as if to pull them away from each other.

He focused back on Four, noticing his jaw was tightly clenched.

'WE. NEED. HER. ' he said in a firm voice.

This seemed to make him flinch, but Legend wasn't finished. He took a deep breath and lowered his voice a few notches though he was still partly yelling.

'Not the other way around. SHE doesn't need us.' he slowly shook his head as he looked at every one of them.

'She NEVER needed us.'

Four looked away at that.

'We need her more than we need air in our lungs. Need her more strongly than water or food. ' He focused back on Four and pointed at him.

'And you...you think I'm going to let you, let any of you, let MYSELF, lose her because we couldn't control ourselves?' His chuckle was icy, his smile was unpleasant and full of teeth.

'Oh you don't know me as well as I thought. '

'Because allow me to be as clear as possible when I say, I would slaughter anyone that laid a filthy hand on her' Legend leaned forward, smiling coldly. 'Push me enough, and you'll be on the list.'

'Isn't that extreme..?!' Hyrule exclaimed worriedly, looking at Legend with an uncertain expression.

'Oh...so you wouldn't hurt them if they laid a hand on her? You would actually hesitate to tear off limbs if they forced her to go with them. If they dared to speak her like some cheap whore-'

'How could you even say that-!!!'

'That is uncalled for!'

Legend spread his arms out. 'Well you all might as well be saying you would!!'

'Hold your tongue or I'll cut it!' Wild suddenly snarled, Twilight, visibly tense from Legend' words, was forced to put both hands on Wild.

'I bet you would just stand there while they tried, hm? Stand there while she cries for your help?' He kept pushing, because he needed to. 'Just stand there, watching her shed her tears? Stand there and let. them. touch her? Is that what you would do? Answer me.'

'Don't you DARE say such a thing.' Wild growled, his lips drew back in a snarl.

'You all seem so eager in proving me right, I see nothing wrong with saying this if this is how you really feel.' He masked a scowl with a smirk even as the others began to raise their voices again.

'WHAT THE HELL!'

'You miserable pile of-!!'

'JUST TELL ME YOU'RE READY TO ABANDON HER SO I CAN KEEP HER AWAY FROM YOU ALL!!'

'HOW DARE YOU!!' Warriors roared, suddenly on his feet and in Legend's face.

'You think you can accuse us like this, act like you have the high ground, and expect us to sit here and take it?!' Legend didn't even hesitate shoving him away.

'I can accuse you all I want! Whatever friendship we may still have be damned, BECAUSE YOU'RE AS GUILTY AS I AM!!!' Legend shouted, even as the captain grabbed the front of his tunic and pulled him up to his face again.

'WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE.'

'I'M ONE WHO'S ACTUALLY TRYING TO FIX THIS MESS!! UNLIKE YOU WHO'S READY TO LET HER END UP AS A CORPSE BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T NOTICE YOU THE WAY YOU WANT HER TO!!'

'You miserable, disrespectful, arrogant-

'STOP ACTING LIKE YOU'RE NOT PART OF THE FUCKING PROBLEM YOU STUPID SOLDIER!!'

'SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!'

'NO! WAKE UP FROM YOUR FUCKING FANTASIES!'

'What gives you the FUCKING RIGHT-'

'BECAUSE I LOVE HER YOU BASTARD!!'

The admittance silenced them swiftly.

But he didn't care at the moment.

He was breathing deeply after saying those words. Face flushed with anger. Fists clenched so tightly, they were bone white.

'I. Love. her.' He hissed to a frozen Warriors.

'I. Need. her.' He grabbed the wrist attached to the had gripping his tunic.

'I. Can't. Lose. Her.' He bared his teeth, slowly shaking his head.

'I won't hesitate.' He voice was a whisper at this point. But it didn't matter. The crackling fire was the only other sound at moment.

'I won't hesitate to kill anyone that takes her away from me.'

...

And that's what he needed them to understand. Needed them to understand that as much as he cared for this group, as much as he's willing to put the effort to fix things...

If they didn't work together?

There would be corpses.

And he wouldn't be one of them.

He wanted to keep screaming at them. Wanted they to hang their heads in shame as he pointed out every flawed thing they've done as of late.

But he..sighed.

'I want..so much.. ' He began, looking straight into Warriors' eyes, a numb sense of calm filling him. 'I want so many impossible things.'

'I want to fall asleep to her peaceful face, and wake up to the sight of her kind smile. I want her to lean against me as she draws, to watch her eyes light up when I show her something new. To see her laugh, hear her hum a tune, to know I'm the reason she glows with happiness.'

He could feel the pale faced captain tremble beneath his grip.

'I want the exact same thing you bastards want...' he took a deep breath, to settle his heart.

'I just want her by my side every single day.'

His voice almost quiet.

'I don't want to lose her.'

Silent stillness enveloped them after Legend had finished speaking, only the sound of the crinkling fire all that was audible at the moment.

Warriors stared at him, swallowing. visibly shaken by the veteran's honesty.

After a beat, Legend slowly pulls the captain's hand off of him.

He was met with no resistance.

He looks at them all. Tired, drained, a headache slowly making itself known.

'So...' he raised an eyebrow, tone dull, 'How about the cook whip us up something.'

Wild blinked, startled by being acknowledged.

'Wha-'

'And while he's at it, our resident healer can check up on our mutual darling.'

Hyrule jolted at the sudden acknowledgment.

'We have a lot to talk about and we can't do it on empty stomachs and worry in our minds.' He grinned sardonically, slowly clapping his hands twice.

'Chop chop people. The night is still young.'

--

--

It took a while for them to speak up after that, because what could one say after such an outburst?

It soothed their hearts when Hyrule returned, saying she was healing nicely. That information helped them calm down while using the time Wild spent cooking to gather their thoughts.

It was difficult to come up with something after the explosive event of earlier.

They were silent when their food was served.

Silent as they ate.

But slowly, very slowly, they did.

Legend pulling the words out of them.

Each grievance, thought and feeling.

It was a snail's pace, but as the Veteran calmly pushed them into speaking, the atmosphere surround the group slowly calmed, the words flowing just a bit easier than before.

'I just don't want her to leave.' Hyrule admitted quietly, looking down at his hands, almost ashamed to admit such a thing.

Warriors sighed. 'I think I speak for all of us when I say the feeling is mutual.'

Murmurs of agreement met his words.

' I don't disagree. It's obvious why, she's...just so kind.' Sky shyly put out, a small blush on his face.

'I mean, when was the last time she even demanded something from any of us?'

Warriors couldn't help but snort. 'I think you mean to say 'when has she ever demanded anything from us?'

'I believe I can answer that.' Time said, speaking up after staying silent for most of the evening.

Four raised an eyebrow. 'Oh, and when was this?'

'When she and I got separated, I injured my leg fighting the Lynel? Back in Legend's era I believe it was.'

'I remember that!' Wind piped in, snapping his fingers and pointing at Time. 'In the lost woods! She was tugging your ear when I reached you guys!'

Time nodded with a chuckle, resting his chin on his hand.

'Got quite the lecture too. She can be...quite stern when pushed enough.'

' That was the first time she saw one of us fight a Lynel wasn't it...' Twilight realized, blinking in comprehension. 'I can't believe I forgot that. She must have been terrified witnessing such a thing.

'Ah, but that was the thing. She was calm when she saw me kill it.'

'So she has thicker skin than an average civilian.' Legend sighed. 'Impressive but not that surprising.'

'Don't get me wrong Vet, she was quite unnerved when she saw the battle but once it was over and she saw my injury, I was the main focus.' He looked down, almost unaware that he was touching the place where the injury once was.

'She could have gone to get one of you guys, I knew she heard you calling out to us, we both did, but she stayed.' He smirked then, 'Pulled out a couple of red potions from her bag too.'

He had the group looking at him in surprise.

'Wait, potions?'

'Who gave her a potion?'

'Wars, was it you?'

'I would remember that!'

'Well well, isn't she well prepared.'

'Looks like she's paying attention to the Vet's paranoia!'

'Ha ha, such flattery.'

'Did she buy a few in town before we swapped eras?'

'Actually she has a stash of them in the event of one of us becoming injured and she's the only one around.' Time interjected, one of his amused grins on his face.

That brought another round of questions.

'She knows how to make potions?!'

'No Wind, we would have seen her.'

'It's not something that could be hidden either.'

'And where did she get the money to buy enough potions?'

'When'd she have the time to even get potions??'

'My question is, how did we not see her get the potions?'

' Did she tell you?' Time snorted softly as the last question was directed at him.

'Matter of fact, yes. Clever answer too, know all those 'silly bets' she got us to agree to?'

He waited for them to nod. ' Well, she's been stashing every rupee she's won from us specifically to buy 'emergency potions'. He answered with a breathy chuckle. 'As for when? She's been buying them from Beedle when we were at stables. And since we also give her money to buy herself stuff...'

'None of us would be the wiser.' Legend finished for him.

'You're serious aren't you...' Warriors couldn't help but say.

'Absolutely.' Time nodded, not able to suppress a grin when he realised the captain's tone was admiring.

'She looked so embarrassed, thought I would be upset with her for ' sneaking behind our backs'. Tried to justify it by saying it 'felt stupid to be the only one in the group who wasn't prepared for some type of emergency.'' A round of chuckles emerged from the group as they all imagined the expression on her face.

'When she saw my injury, she immediately pulled out the potions from her pouch, didn't even pause in shoving a few into my hands and asking me how much pain I was in.' He smiled at the memory. 'That's when I made the foolish mistake of telling her to leave me there and go find one of you.'

' And you lived to tell the tale?' Warriors asked, smirking widely.

'Barely, the glare I receive was quite fierce.' Time didn't even bother to hold the laughter down, still remembering how startled he had been, having such a glare directed at him.

'Like a raging Goddess, she demanded I take better care of myself, or face mothering the likes of which I never saw before.' He looked exasperated, yet his voice was the definition of amused.

' She then proceeded to baby talk me until I agreed.'

Time was not ashamed as the group roared with laughter.

'Are you serious?'

'Poor man!' Warriors reached over and clapped a hand on the older man's shoulder.

'Oh, THAT must have been uncomfortable!' Sky commented between breaths.

' I barely lasted a few sentences before I was pleading for mercy.' He rolled his eyes and huffed through his nose.

'So THAT'S why you were so careful in battle the weeks after.' Hyrule realized, grinning as Time shrugged.

'When I'm threatened with something like THAT? How can I do anything else but obey?'

Wars held his hands up in a shrug, smirk on his face. 'Ah but who are we to question Her divine command?'

'Who are we indeed..' Time murmured with a breathy laugh.

Wild smirked, eyes glinting with glee. 'Speaking of her doing things we don't expect, Vet! Remember when she met Wolfie?'

Legend smirked, even as Twilight send a glare at the cook. 'Rather brave of her, despite never being near an actual wolf before. '

Sky frowned. 'But didn't she look nervous?' Twilight sighed as Legend and Wild let out a laugh.

' You would think! But she apparently didn't want to break any unspoken rules about touching him.' Wild couldn't resist the sharp grin as he eyed the embarrassed rancher. 'You should have seen her when she was given the okay. I'm surprised the mutt was able to escape her constant pets and kisses.'

Twilight wasn't able to keep the blush down when Wind grumbled a very clear 'Lucky bastard.' To the amusement of everyone else, especially those who knew his secret.

They fell into a comfortable silence after that, the sound of the waves a song that filled their ears, the wind playing with their hair as they got lost in thought.

'...Go and bring peace to Hyrule.'

They looked at Wild, he was looking at the sea. 'Every time I went to one of those statues, that's what Hylia would tell me.'

He dug his boot into the sand. 'She would heal me up when I had enough spirit orbs, fill me with vitality, but every time she finished, she would always say those same words.' He grimaced

'And every time, I would think, 'is she healing me because cares, or because I'm just a means to an end?''

Wild shooked his head, never taking his eyes off the sea.

'Even though I've fought evil for her sake. For Zelda's sake. I always felt like she wanted more.' He grimaced.

“I don’t even know what more I could have given…” He admitted, “Always thinking that I’ll one day wake up and realize that I was fated to sacrifice more.'

Then a small smile pulled at his lips, 'But when I'm with (y/n)...I don't feel that weight of responsibility...the weight of those thoughts.' His words were barely above a whisper by the end.

'With her...I feel free.'

For several moments, there was stillness. Watch of them could feel the bite of the ocean breeze on their skin, the heat of the campfire barely able to hold off the chill and darkness surrounding them.

"She said she was proud of me..' Wild whispered, "Said that every breath I took, every moment I opened my eyes to greet the day, was rebellion against what destiny, what Ganon, had wanted.'

'She saw me, a failure of a hero, and said she was proud of me,' He whispered, unable to trust himself with anything louder. 'How could I possibly love another when she says such things with so much honesty?'

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

'How could I go on, following Hylia's command blindly, when (y/n) comes to me with those kind eyes and says She just wants me to be happy?'

'Hylia does not want champions.' Time shook his head, smirking bitterly. 'She merely wants toy soldiers.'

Sky's eyes flew up to the look at eldest of the group.

'Surely that's a bit much, Hylia..has done what she could for us.'

'Who is Hylia? A being who seeks soldiers to clean up her mess? A being who only expects us to obey?' Time interjected.

Sky swallowed. 'But..she's assisted us-'

Time shook his head. 'No, she simply made sure we survived long enough to eliminate her enemies.'

Wild frowned, rubbing the back of his neck. 'When you think about it, he's right. We have never worshiped Hylia because we wanted to. But because we were obligated to. Because most of us were raised to believe it was an honor.'

He looked at Sky. 'But...isn't a goddess of benevolence supposed to be someone who is kinder than a mortal could comprehend? Someone who cares for her servants for no other reason than because we love her as much as she loved us?'

Twilight smiled bitterly. 'A goddess like that is someone I wouldn't mind serving. '

'Isn't that why we love Her so?' Legend said softly.

Warriors looked at him oddly. '(y/n) isn't a goddess Legend.'

Legend looked at him with carefully impassive expression. 'But we want her to be.'

They all looked anywhere but at him.

'You've all already admitted it. Even if you don't want to say it.' Legend smirked.

'Vet-'

''Who are we to question Her divine command?'' He repeated, smirking when the captain's mouth snapped shut.

'We all want her to be.' Legend repeated, catching Hyrule's eye and staring him down.

-Admit it.- His eyes said. Hyrule flinching at being seen through. Wanting to deny the silent accusation.

...But his heart wouldn't let him deny such a thing either.

'...(y/n) would make a better goddess than hylia.' He admitted, looking down.

Sky snap his attention to the traveler, his eyes slightly wide.

'Hyrule-' Legend cut Sky off, looking right at the skyloftian.

'Can you deny that she's already better than hylia?' Sky seemed to struggle with an answer, but Legend didn't wait for an answer.

'Is She not kinder, sweeter, more beautiful than anyone else? She never asks for anything other than our safety and happiness. Becomes upset when we try to do more than we can handle and tries to actually help us whenever she can. '

Twilight sighed, but nodded in agreement. 'Her presence is like a soothing warmth that never falters. I don't think I've ever had someone who's presence relieved me the way Hers does.'

He grimaced. 'Not even Hylia herself can claim such a thing.'

A glance at Sky, causing him to grimace and look away.

'Someone with a beautiful soul like Hers...' Hyrule whispered, folding his hands in front of his chest, almost like he was praying.

'I..I could worship someone like Her everyday without regret.' He looked away, as if shameful of his admittance.

'..What's wrong with that?' Hyrule looked at who spoke.

'Wars?'

Warriors did not look at him, staring at the ground. But his face had shifted into an expression of thoughtfulness. 'What's wrong with wanting to worship her? '

Hyrule's face flushed red. '..it...it seems a bit inappropriate to-'

'Because we're supposed to worship Hylia?' He looked up at him. 'Farore? Nayru? Din?'

'...I-'

Wind frowned, looking around. ' Why can't we worship who we desire? Worship someone we CAN trust?'

Twilight bit his lip, shaking his head. 'That's too much of a dream to even CONSIDER-'

Legend barked a laugh.

'Dreams are only dreams until we make them a reality.'

'...!' He chuckled at the shocked looks he received from most of them.

'You said it better than I ever could Hyrule. Someone with as beautiful of a soul as Her's is someone we could worship everyday of our lives without regret.'

'But we can't-'

'Why? Because we're Hylia's 'Champions'? I don't know if you remember this, but we've done our duties, defeated Ganon and the only reason I'll not complaining about THIS journey anymore is because it brought us Her.'

'Legend-'

'And don't we in a way worship her already?'

Wild tilted his head. 'What do you mean?'

He raised a finger, 'Don't we find joy in caring for her? Providing for her? Is that not paying tribute?' A second finger, 'Don't we defend her when danger is near? Cutting down every enemy that come near her? Is that not raising our swords in her name?'

He leaned forward, A manic glint flashing in his eyes. A third finger was raised. 'Do we not find joy when she whispers our name, do we not find peace when we whisper Hers? Is that not devotion? Tell me otherwise and I'll concede.'

But no one said anything.

No one wanted to.

Because they agreed with his words so much.

'She deserves someone to protect her...' Hyrule whispered, as if to himself, as if to convince himself to listen to the words being spoken to him.

'She deserves US to protect Her.' Legend corrected, his smile was all teeth, but it wasn't malicious.

'We've defeated literal evil. We're the best people to protect Her.' Wind added, his eyes matching the Veteran's. Soon matching the eyes of all of them.

'And doesn't She deserve the very best, after everything She's done for us?' Legend spread his arms out, smirk on his face. Sky smiled, looking at his hands, laughing softly, shaking his head.

'I...suppose you're right...' he slowly admitted, his shoulder releasing tension, almost relieved.

'I..can't see anyone else providing for her the way we can.'

'We have the resources...' Four slowly added, a note of mania woven through the blacksmith's words, 'We have much sway in our eras and what we don't have, I'm reasonably sure we know someone who can provide it for us.'

'We've faced more than enough adversaries to be able to counter any situation.' Warriors smirked, sitting back, arms crossed.

'The safest place is with us.' Time said, a sense of finality in his words.

And for the first time in so long, they all were united with such a decision.

It didn't matter if there wasn't a drop of divinity in her.

It didn't matter if she wasn't able to use magic or blessed by any spirit.

She was not a goddess in the way they knew. But only a fool would deny the beautiful divinity that radiated from Her heart.

She was Divine to them.

A presence that was not unlike an ocean of warmth that wanted to drown them in love and safety.  Eager to drive them mad, to drive them to protect Her happiness.

And they would drown in that ocean willingly.

She didn't even realize what she was doing to them.

She didn't realize that the very person She was was causing them to crave Her gentle touch, Her beautiful smiles, Her arms wrapped around them.

She didn't realize any of this.

Because it was as natural as breathing to Her.

How many times was Her kindness going to steal the breath from their lungs?

How many times was Her gentle voice going to soothe them when they wake from their nightmares, Her hands wiping the tears from their face?

How many times will they crave the chance to kiss away Her tears but only be able to brush them aside.

But it was alright.

They loved Her so much.

A Goddess of their own making.

One that they would worship freely, not like how obligation and duty forced their hand with Hylia.

Hylia demanded their loyalty.

(y/n) merely asked for their continued happiness.

Hylia commanded they fight in her name.

(y/n) requested they remained safe and healthy.

Hylia wanted heroes.

(y/n) wanted only them.

She wanted them.

She trusted them.

She cared for them.

She was the one they wanted to serve.

They fulfilled their duties to Hylia.

They no longer were obligated to serve her.

But (y/n)...She was so fragile compared to the rest of them. Having lived in a world with no monsters, no calamities or destiny.

She needed to be protected.

She needed them to protect Her.

They were the only ones who could protect Her.

They needed to unite. To stand side by side, as a shield against the monsters, against anyone that would dare take Her from them.

They couldn't fight amongst themselves anymore.

They couldn't allow Her to come to harm ever again.

All this time wasted fighting when they could have been protecting Her. Making her happy. Keeping her safe. How foolish of them.

But no longer.

To protect their Reason for breathing, there could be no room for trickery or lies between each other. Only for those that stood between them and Her.

The sun was rising, washing away the rivalries and dissonance of the past night, and the rays of dawn shining upon renewed unity and brotherhood.

She is their's; a Gift that pure chance had bestowed upon them.'

They would protect Her. Together.

They would protect their Goddess.

No one will ever take Her away from them.

No One.