#but shit has just gotten very real :)
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circusk · 2 months ago
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i care him so much guys . guys. hes blorbo bingus
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tswwwit · 8 months ago
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do bill and dipper ever talk about their problems or have serious conversations? We don’t see much of them in the fics— talking about the past, trauma, or insecurities, etc
Getting to that point took them quite a while, but yeah!
Dipper will occasionally talk over or bitch about his life with Bill. Opening up about his feelings. His thoughts. Get a little vulnerable, even, around his husband. It takes a bit before he can do it and get Bill to take it seriously, but that's not a fuckup Bill makes twice.
Mind you, he's still Bill about the listening. Which means about 80% of his 'advice' to Dipper is 'you should totally kill that guy', and 15% is basic commiseration couched in teasing terms. The last 5% is such shockingly insightful advice that Dipper has to do a doubletake to make sure he's still talking to the same guy. One of the perks of knowing the human mind as well as Bil does.
Bill sharing his problems, though? Whoof.
There's a guy who could spend all day whining because the last party wasn't fun enough. Bitch about other people! His day! But getting Bill to admit he has deeper feelings is a billion times worse than pulling teeth. With a crowbar.
If Dipper wants insight into Bill's deeper psyche, he's got to augur the subtle signs of it. Puzzle it out, in fact. He's gotten pretty good at guessing what's going on behind that front - but holy hell does his husband not make it easy.
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pepperpixel · 16 days ago
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I haven’t posted art in forever, (I am currently working on art tho!! It’s just taking me a bit cuz.. job..) but! But… what about if instead of the art u guys came here for. I instead posted pictures of the cool lil outfits I’ve been wearing recently that im rlly proud of… what about that???
#part of the issue w art is also for some reason. FOR REAL. the default shit I want to draw is just ME. IN MY VARIOUS CUTE LIL OUTFITS#I’ve become a narcissist… a fashion obsessed narcissist.. i just want everyone to see and admire my cool fits…#I struggle. so much more drawing shit that is not me nowadays. and I have so much less free time#but then I don’t FINISH the pics of me cuz I’m like ‘this is too self indulgent!!! stop!! draw fanart!!#like a normal person!!! ghgh-‘#ur rlly gonna come back from an art hiatus w just a bunch of silly pics of u being cute… get a fucking grip..#uhhh.. but anyway lol#I am still drawing. I’m currently working on some expiremental lineless digital art#cuz I felt shaking stuff up might help#we shall see if I finish it tho!#it me#pepper words#anyway look at my fits#my one. 2 curses r in bad at taking pictures#and I live in a dingy basement so the lighting fucking SUCKS#u cannot see all the detail…. u cannot make out All of my lil accessories#it’s sad…#all these outfits r very black and white i do in fact wear colors… mostly red. n green#but I am rlly In my aristocratic vampire / witch era right now… and I’m loving it…#middle 2 pics r the same outfit. just w and without cloak lol#also pls do me a kindness and ignore my messy ass room#lady outfit is actually my most recent and my room HAS gotten less messy! I cleaned it up!#but it’s still kinda. got some clutter lol#*last outfit. not lady outfit ghghg- these r gender neutral femme leaning outfits I’ll have u kno typo!!#also pls ignore the shit on my mirror!! the lil white speckles and stuff! I rlly gotta fucking clean that.. if I wanna keep taking cute#pictures of my outfits lol… I mean. it’s not MY mirror so I don’t think to clean it.. but it is in my living space…#mayhaps… I should clean it lol
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hermitcraftx · 1 month ago
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just got a dm abt one of my posts and y'all please don't try and show the hermits (or any minecraft youtuber or content creator for that matter) my posts, i'm uncomfortable with it and don't want any of my posts shown to a cc. if they stumble upon it naturally that's unfortunate but i can live with it since i do maintag a lot (something i REALLY need to stop doing tbh i already know i need to make a tagging system just for my blog that wont clog results) but going out of ur way to show a cc is entirely different and something i am not comfortable with.
no hate to the person at all but even if i wasn't a little silly and weird with it sometimes i wouldn't be comfortable with it, i want my blog to be a purely fandom only space with none of the creators involved <3 please respect this
#which is imo how a fandom space should be#i'm old fashioned and it breaks the fandom etiquette rules i stand by#i ship and stuff and absolutely NO cc needs to be subjected to that please and thank you even if it's a non-ship post#not saying hermits and others cant hang out and interact if they wish hell no but like....#if you as any person with a following willingly go into a fandom space you have to expect to see some things you find weird#doesn't even necessarily mean ship just stuff the cc finds weird :v idk im not phrasing this right but like#the rule with shipping around any sort of media has been to keep it away and not show the creators anything !!! and thats fallen out#of practice the past few years with ppl getting more and more comfortable demanding boundaries and personal info from creators#which isn't right imo bc its like you're trying to see how much you can get away with. u want a guide on how to interact and social skills#which is... huh??? just be polite and keep anything weird away from them like what we were doing#some folks nowadays need “permission” to ship stuff even from SHOWS and shit with no real people and its like wow... huh....#u need it to be canon?? u need everything told to u by the show?? wheres the imagination. the spirit.#the making of everything so far removed from what it once was#like that guy that played nick from heartstopper that had to be outed to play a gay guy. like#idk im so sick of the boundary fandom ppl in mcyt 'what if they saw and made it uncomfortable!! im going to show them!!!!'#you are making them MUCH more uncomfortable than i am by GOING INTO THEIR FACE AND DEMANDING THEY LOOK AT IT!!#AND DEMANDING BOUNDARIES N SHIT... CRAZY.... idk the hermits especially its weird to me bc clearly they understand fandom etiquette#and the dynamic im talking about. most of them understand that by going into fandom spaces they will see things they dont like#which is why a lot of them only like fanart and answer questions asked by fans. even on tumblr !!! where the weird ppl are!!!#they also all seem to understand they are playing characters (citing joel cleo and grian as examples) for their audiences#which is. smth the audience itself doesnt understand most of the time anymore. oh my god they all died in real life in hermitcraft season 8#idk hermitblr used to be a lot more okay with hermitshipping n then a bunch of ppl from other fandoms moved in and its all more negative#and makes me sad. idk...#i never meant for this blog to gain almost 500 followers i just wanted to make silly little ship posts and now im scared to#bc ive gotten hate and its.... bwugh.... tempted to remake blogs and make one thats very clearly just for me and a few weirdos#whatever i went off on a tangent in the tags as usual just pls dont show creators my posts even non-ship ones for this reason#jamies bad posts#talking in tags#serious posts#<- ig??? idk
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arolesbianism · 5 days ago
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Take some Fydd's I just realized I never posted
#keese draws#oc art#oc#ocs#eternal gales#fydd is such a comfort character to me rn its not even funny I adore this lil lad#hes been helping keep me sane#Ive also been keeping sane by brainstoriming more abt how I wanna make eternal gales someday which is also helping#and lemme say its getting real ambitious folks this bad boy isnt getting made for a While lol#the more Ive been thinking abt eternal gales and how I want it to be formatted the more certain I become that while its not going to be a#game Im probably going to be making it within a game maker engine#like Ill still look into how feasible making it all into a website would be but I think for what I want to make this would work best#which is! very ambitious and is definitely not smth I can manage rn! but I have been wanting to re learn to code anyways so!#its mostly just a matter of like. doing some smaller projects first and getting my shit together#ideally I want to be able to be in a place to get started in about 5 years maybe? idk that feels reasonable to me#but Im fine if it takes longer as long as Ive gotten at least some actual real project started and worked on#Ive been playing around with the idea of maybe trying my hand at making a small game for fun#not right this second but maybe soon? idk depends on a bunch of shit#honestly eternal gales has dragged me through so much whenever I feel hopeless I just have to remember that I Need to make it some day and#imagine ppl asking me questions abt it and analyzing my writing and I go ok so I must persist no matter what I need ppl to read abt them
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themyscirah · 6 months ago
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This is technically a Diana's age poll but I framed it partially around Julia's rescue because that's the event I need to contextualize and whether or not Diana is a thing yet is p important for my purposes. I would keep the Pérez run and postcrisis continuity in mind when answering this bc that's when this is relevant but I'd keep in mind that even though Diana is very young there (like early 20s) we don't know I don't think if she ages differently as a child (esp as a themysciran AND being made from clay) and in some versions she is older than she looks and was made earlier
Edit: I accidentally logic-ed this out in the tags lol 🤦‍♀️but feel free to still vote however you want. Going to publish this anyway bc I think I made some good points later in my tags
#blah#the 45 years is a guesstimation of julias age w her being in her late 40s#bc she has a middle school aged daughter which would make you lean a bit younger but shes also highly respected prof at harvard (is she the#dept head? i think so. and has a career that would suggest older. and shes also drawn middle aged so 🤷‍♀️#i would say late 40s early 50s for her honestly. but i moved it down a lil bit bc of vanessas age#wait shit i may have contradicted logic here bc wasnt the diana trevor stuff supposed to have happened before dianas birth. and that was#wwii. which would be btwn 42 and 45 years. BC PÉREZ!TREVOR IS OLD I FORGOT THAT#okay so actually there still could be a question of what happened first the timeline would just be much shorter#but then wouldnt julias family be boating during wwii? that makes no sense#im definitely thinkimg too hard about this probably. logically it would make the most sense if diana was like 20smth in reality. but thats#its own basket of worms honestly. like what do you mean hippolyta only had like 20 yrs w her daughter out of a lifespan of thousands of#years. what do you MEAN she became champion and ambassador so young like#like also thats the point though. she had to wear a mask in the challenge for a reason. her inexperience with men is what makes her the kind#of ambassador they need. and her youth and relation to hippolyta and role as the baby of the amazons is one of the things that makes her#ambassadorship SO important is bc she fulfills that role in an ancient sense. where it would be a sign of great trust and respect to send#someone close to the crown as an envoy bc it shows you mean business and arent going to reneg on whatever the deal is. bc if you do they#shoot the messenger#god anyways i very much answered my own question here in the tags like 100%. esp in regards to the pérez canon bc he very much laid this out#and i was trying to weasel my way out of it. only that didnt work and the decisions he made he made for a reason and they have huge#narrative importance. damn. okay then#i always write the shittiest posts and the best tags and then have to keep the post to keep the tags#i rlly need to make these tags posts ugh. anyways keeping this up bc of my tags abt diana and ambassadorship#also sidenote I LOVE HIPPOLYTA#just though id mention that. i love how much shes motivated by love and i also love when she makes fucked up decisions bc of that and has to#live with them. woman of all time FOR REALS#god this is making me want to reread historia again lol bc its the one ww comic i own. also its fire. and hippolyta gets to make shitty#decisions motivated by emotion and live w the consequences. and the comic is actually good unlike when that happened in the messner-loebs#run. which was the other instance of that ive read rlly. 10000% sure there are others but i havent fully gotten there yet.#i mean ive read other comics where she makes painful decisions thats like her whole deal but there are different vibes to those than the two#i mentioned. like the exile thing in ww year 1 or rlly anytime she has to send diana away
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exopelagic · 5 months ago
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i said i wouldn’t do it this time but it’s 3am and mods asleep. boy
#welcome to another episode of Luke is insane abt hockey boy!#this time featuring a guy who is actually this time almost (ALMOST) confirmed to be queer#the almost is partly me being insane because I don’t trust anything anymore#but like. there are only so many reasons you wear pride converse. that is not ally behaviour#it just threw me this time I think bc I’d been like no. heterosexual. bc I think I became aware of him when he joined the real hockey team#because the OTHER problem is that the whole time I’d been thinking he was cute as hell (bc he is) and simultaneously being like no. bad.#anyway this meant that I have actually talked to him a bunch without overthinking it this term which honestly has been very cool#not like a whole lot but we’ve played together a decent amount and hopefully will keep doing that#and yesterday discovered hes recommending other people talk to me abt goalieing which is insane to me bc I am truly not that good#but apparently I made an impression!#anyway it does not help that this guy has gotten incredibly good at hockey in the past few months#idk man I make bad decisions (I say as if this was a decision) bc it is now the end of term once again <3#which means absolutely nothing can or will happen until after summer. which isn’t an issue#I’m just frustrated by my tendency to realise these things right before I’m about to not see the guy for X period of time#I also desperately need to stop crushing on hockey boys I swear but in my defence that is the main way I meet people#I think I’m cursed actually. that would explain many things#anyway he also has exams until next Tuesday which means he’ll be at hockey next week but idk abt this week which is devastating#i just wanna have talk to the guy more honestly to see how that goes bc we’ve not rlly talked individually for an extended time yknow.#in other words we have not had A Conversation it’s been groups or like quicker exchanges#he’s kinda quiet but i can’t quite tell which way yknow. I know he’s Watching basically all the time. and he is slightly awkward#which is also kinda cute. he gets a lil rambly when he talks abt hockey and I wanna push that button more#i. topsy if you’re reading this you’re gonna laugh so hard I just realised. he’s captain of the team now.#which sidenote is INSANE bc he started playing with them THIS YEAR#but oh my god. okay.#anyway. I need to start complimenting guys more for multiple reasons but also#1. he dresses very cool 2. he caught me looking at his shirt last week without saying anything (BEFORE I caught the rainbow converse)#i compliment women on their clothes and jewellery and hair and shit all the time but I do not with men bc. I mean do I need to explain.#but ​this is so unfair I am haunted by existence of boy and here we are once again. posting on tumblr with the possibility of seeing him lik#two more times before summer. might be three or four depending on what he comes to#luke.txt
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piplupod · 5 months ago
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every day i see people talking about things that I simply do not understand no matter how much I look into it and think about it and try to figure it out. i cannot tell if it's brainfog and fatigue or if I'm just ,,,, incapable of being intelligent enough for it all :[
#i sure do feel like a fucking idiot lately!#I wish I wasn't (weren't?) aware of how stupid i am but unfortunately i am acutely aware of it and I can't seem to do anything about it#like... why am i unable to comprehend things. why can't i figure it out if I go learn about it. why does it just not Click for me.#becoming increasingly aware of just how little i know and how naive i am and i have to say ... its frightening me fhfkdl#i feel like i am going to be fucking mauled if i say anything ever or if i try to participate in any conversations of worth#so I've just been staying quiet constantly. but then I just feel disconnected from everything and everyone#because i never participate! i just stand in the bg and listen and watch!!#but what's driving me crazy is i dont even seem to be learning in any significant way!! even though im just listening all the time!!#why can't i make any progress in understanding shit 😭 why is it all still just as out of reach as when i started !!#i really feel like there is something very wrong with my brain but idk what to do about it dhfjdkl#I've been isolating a lot more than usual the past couple months because i just feel so useless and stupid compared to everyone else#but then i talk to ppl irl and i feel like I'm operating on a higher level of social awareness than most ppl#which then makes me feel bad bc i worry im somehow thinking im better than other ppl but its not that fhdkdl#i just get tired of like... guiding the conversation for ppl and smoothing over social potholes#like im always the one driving the conversational vehicle. and if i stop driving then we crash. idk if this makes sense#but then online im always the one who is one step behind everyone else and making blunders#so ... I don't know what to do anymore fhfjdkl i think smth has gotten very broken in my brain and idk what it is or how to fix it#UHMM ANYWAYS. this is ... a rant and a half. oops.#im the worlds most average joe cool though 👍 nothing to worry about or see here! (<- sarcasm i think)#this is one of my worst vents of all time actually fbfjdkl this one is just a real stinker#just kind of incomprehensible and way too self-pitying methinks. oh well! I'll delete it if i think better of it later dbfjdkl#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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g8d · 7 months ago
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i tried so hard to be kind and sweet and all of these things that are supposed to be good? and valued? but im alone again and i dont think ill ever not be
#if you recently asked me how i am doing. sorry#i do remember and value that. its just very hard to trust that as something i could ever actually lean on#like even to say that feels like maybe i am overstepping. so. yeah thats where im at haha#ive just gotten burned way way too many times at this point#forged in fire??? burnt to ashes#i used to think phoenixes were relatable but not really anymore#the vibe has changed completely#and really im on my way out. not in like a super depressing way im not about to kill my body but when i say#im transitioning to a p zombie its . not a fucking joke im done here#my support group of all things went to shit yesterday too so i really have nowhere to stand im just breaking breaking. breaking. breaking .#dissolving. dying. and im like kind of hurt that nobody even cares enough to know these things about me#but how can i blame people for not knowing that asking me how im doing is not enough#or like how can i blame people for not caring#ppl got their own lives or whatever idk how this shit works.#man im just so so so done.#my friend told me about some future worries today and i was just sitting there like man. how do you even.#talk like you will have a future#like anything matters like any of this is real#because to me it's pretty clearly not#i didn't say that shit to him obviously#id like to keep a friend or two around just in case idk#someone to go on a walk with#sometimes he asks me what i think about stuff#i like listening to myself talk. so i benefit from that#anyway the point of this post was that while im done being a self im also very fucking done being selfless#acting like i think i can help people or something. i cant. i dont want to. i dont care.#i just dont fucking care anymore.
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livvyofthelake · 7 months ago
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oh they should’ve given my man the oscar who the hell did he lose to and can we kill that guy jesus christ
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hatchetation · 2 years ago
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i find it so interesting when i see posts about how coming out stories, especially those set in high school or college, are overdone/boring/outmoded/etc. i get it on an intellectual level in that the coming out storyline a) is not always super realistic b) does not capture the fact that queer people have to “come out” many times in lowkey ways, including for quotidian reasons c) is a very Western-centric model of living a queer life d) may not feel relevant to adults who are at a different stage of queer exploration e) sometimes centers straight people and f) has historically been more common than storylines that include queer people in a way that doesn’t feel tokenizing or tragic.
despite understanding this, and even agreeing with some of it, my little gay heart loves every single coming out storyline that has ever existed. i love the acknowledgement and validation that queer people are not fully accepted in this heteronormative society. i love seeing characters stand up for who they are. i love seeing them embrace their authentic selves. i love their courage in the face of uncertainty. i love seeing their family members and friends react. i especially love when the nuances are recognized and a parent goes on a fucking journey of acceptance. and i truly believe that coming out storylines are incredibly important and that regardless of how far we as a society have come, we still need them.
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louderfade · 11 months ago
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youtube
exene talking about the state of the world. the good stuff starts at eight minutes. or you can just read the transcript complete with the usual errors that accompany robot transcribed speech (the irony of which is not lost on me). maybe it's not about transhumanism and living forever (or maybe it is who knows), but there's definitely an agenda of surveillance and control at work which is designed to keep the powerful in power. cash rules everything around me and you will own nothing etc. the future is worse.
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#google has helpfully flagged this as a 'conspiracy theory' which let me know it was definitely worth paying attention to#sometimes a conspiracy theory turns out to be flatearth-tier but anything those in control are putting effort into discrediting#concerns me and makes me look deeper. if they're going to the effort to control the discourse there's something there that#threatens them. anything google calls a conspiracy theory is worth a closer look. it often means someone has gotten too close to the truth.#she's brave to be talking about this shit they basically cancelled her and forced her to apologize for talking about how they want#to take our guns and the media is lying to you and stirring up fear so they can get away with passing gun control#like wtf leftists should be all about gun rights. a disarmed population is totally at the mercy of the state's authority#it's not very punk to surrender entirely to regimes in power and let the only people with guns be the police#like c'mon guys we need guns. and it's like drugs. they exist anyway. better they do so in broad daylight than in the shadows#they let adam curits talk about this stuff for some reason and no one calls him a conspiracy theorist idk why but there's a reason#i guess his stuff is not a threat to them bc it's dense and heady and seven hours long so the masses will never absorb it#ex punk rocker yelling about new world order in plain language monologues of digestible length is a much bigger threat#i swear there are secretly fifty people in control of everything and their entire aim is to make sure it stays that way no matter what#but it's really gross how obvious it's getting like the whole system just funnels money straight to the top and they don't even care#about hiding it anymore they're just doing it out in open and denying objective reality with confidence it's too much sometimes#i swear i can feel my grasp on reality deteriorating. it's as if there were a loud buzzing in the out of doors that was getting#louder every day and nobody ever said anything to acknowledge that it was real nobody talked about hearing the buzzing but it just#keeps getting louder and i'm finally like wtf is with this buzzing and everyone gets mad at me for shouting over their netflix show#that they weren't really enjoying in the first place. like no one is happy in the modern world. why can't we talk about why without#turning against each other. that's why doug saying 'maybe we're all the same' is such a big deal to me. anyone who is trying to unite us#is doing important work. that trump supporter is not the enemy. they are the victim just like you.
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scattered-winter · 1 year ago
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crazy how I literally have no energy to do anything ever like isn't that totally wild (my life is literally in shambles)
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beelsjuicytitties · 1 year ago
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im making a homestuck obey me au thing. i am totally normal about both medias
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meadowmines · 1 year ago
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OC-Tober Day 17: Lie
[In which Aoyagi's cover is blown]
"Hey, Master. Can I get another one of those bacon things?" The guy chuckles. "And another cup of kitty treats. Miyuki-chan's no cheap date, is she?"
"Comin' right up." Aoyagi warms up a bacon cheddar scone and scoops a cup of treats and sets them on a tray. "How ya doin' on coffee?"
"Ehh... it could stand warmin' up."
"You got it." Aoyagi picks up the tray in one hand and the coffee pot in the other and makes his way through the main room, deftly weaving around furniture and cats. He sets the tray down and unloads the scone and treats onto the guy's table. He reaches over to refill the coffee and--
Nothing happens. Of course nothing happens. He just tops up the guy's cup like he'd do anyone's and nothing else happens. But he thinks, just for a split second, he feels something in the air sort of turn and just for that split second he is certain the guy is going to grab him.
Got some shady characters in town lately, Chiba had said the other night, watching what Aoyagi guessed was a couple of said shady characters from across the Grand. They're not stirrin' up trouble. Probably nothin', but... Chiba didn't have to finish that sentence. Aoyagi heard about the ten bil missing from the Tojo vault. About the Third Chairman turning up dead. Is news like that the sort of thing that makes an ex-Tojo man in hiding a little nervous? You bet your ass it is.
Still, Aoyagi shakes that out of his head, collects the empty tray, and heads back to the other side of the counter. This is just one guy and he's behaving and being nice to the cats and ordering food and generally being a perfectly decent customer. It's fine.
"What'd you say your name was, Master?"
"Amano," Aoyagi says. It's automatic now. He had a few close calls early on. But it's not like this is the first time he's had to get used to a new name, right? Sojiro Amano is just the latest in the string. "And you?"
The guy doesn't answer, like he just didn't hear. Aoyagi doesn't press the issue. To be fair, Ringo (so named because he was one of an orphaned litter found in a fruit crate; his siblings Momo, Yuzu, and Ichigo have already been adopted) is currently trying to sneak into the dude's lap and that's enough to distract anyone.
"How's a guy get into the cat cafe business, Amano-san?" the guy asks while Aoyagi washes some of the dishes.
"Some guy with more money than sense bought the place," Aoyagi replies, with a little smirk he can't quite help. It's not entirely untrue, is it? "And he threw me at it to see if I'd stick."
"Looks like ya stuck."
"Looks like."
The guy munches on his scone and feeds treats to the cats in silence for a while. "You originally from around here? Ya sound like it."
"Osaka born n' bred," Aoyagi replies. There's a grain of truth in the bred part, he thinks--his bachan was from somewhere out Kansai way after all and all the Japanese he heard growing up was hers and his dad's. "You here on business?"
"Something like that."
The tone is pleasant enough but that's the kind of answer that both warns you not to press for details and dares you to do it at the same time. Aoyagi frowns as he scrubs a plate. The guy isn't wearing a pin. He looks like he could be a "family man" but could also just be some random dude speaking regular old tough-guy Japanese. He sure doesn't feel like a Majima man. He's being paranoid. Shit's poised to hit the fan in Tokyo. His boss (in Tokyo) tried to kill him. Of course he's nervous about some rando talking like a Tokyo tough guy sitting in his cafe, but it's not worth shitting bricks over in the middle of a shift.
"Sotenbori's a hell of a town, huh?" the guy asks him out of nowhere. "You never know what you're gonna see here."
Despite his nerves, Aoyagi can't help but grin. "Ya got that right. Just when ya think you've seen everything, this place throws ya a whole new curveball."
"Heh. No kidding. Always some wild shit goin' on." The guy laughs, a nice normal easy laugh, and Aoyagi starts to think he's being really, really stupid about this. "Ya ask me... I think this place is haunted."
"Haunted?" Aoyagi sputters out a laugh. "Dunno if I'd go that far, but..."
It hits him, then. What the guy means. What that nasty smile on his face means.
"Y'know," the guy says, and it's all Aoyagi can do to not leap over the counter and snatch Ringo away from the dude, "if I had a yen for every yakuza that disappeared in Kamurocho and turned up here a couple years later..." He laughs again. It's not the easy laugh. It's a sharper one. Uglier. "Well. I'd have two yen. Which ain't much... but it sure is weird that it happened twice." He goes on petting Ringo like none of this is happening and Aoyagi does his damndest to keep his poker face on but he can feel the blood draining out of his head. "Ain't that weird... Aoyagi-chan?"
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regallibellbright · 2 years ago
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God, I hope I manage to get people reading this fic even a HUNDREDTH as invested in this character and the family I completely invented out of whole cloth for him who have been living rent-free in my head for like two years now and steadfastly refused to make a story work until now, because I needed to get a good bit out of my head before I went to sleep, made myself cry because I cry ABSURDLY easily, and now it’s like four hours later and I need to actually get to FUCKING BED ALREADY but words keep coming, my fic is too sad, and I use a CPAP that already finds my face shape tricky and don’t want to combine that with my messy crying.
I’m just saying, it’s not fair I inflict this on myself while WRITING it. Rereading it later, sure, I’m fine with that, but writing it? What am I doing, using these characters as an outlet for emotional catharsis? Gross. Inefficient. I can’t keep writing when I need to routinely stop and wipe my eyes.
#writing with regalli#wips#I haven’t even gotten to the part that’s making me sad just to think about#no but seriously this is an actual problem for me that has happened more than once#if it works even a fraction as much as I’m hoping it will it’ll be SO GOOD and I will be SO PROUD OF THIS#but see I’m already invested and other people are not because you know. OCs.#I am deeply and profoundly attached to these OCs who have literally no implication in canon#seriously even the canon character in question is just a step or two removed from blank slate#and by this point I could write an entire fucking NOVEL in which there are maybe a couple hints of a second canon character offecreen#and then it ends with him meeting a third.#if someone talks shit about AUs not potentially engaging with the themes of the source material I fucking might.#like a really good AU that tries is DEEPLY concerned with where characters change and where they stay the same when this changes#and this particular threat of spite would be very much invested in the setting and deal with themes#but while looking at a spot that’s particularly thin in a movie that is admittedly more Vibes than plot and going ‘It’s free real estate’.#I can’t do AUs like that I struggle with differentiating character voice enough. but you know what I can do?#THIS BULLSHIT. and I am genuinely proud I can.#but it does bring a lot of anxiety when the emotional core is around characters who /I/ care deeply about#but who no one else has ever heard of because they are mine#god though THIS is the first idea I wanted to do this holiday prompt challenge for and it is WORKING for me.#the others have been aggressively Not at times and another one will be the full climax but this one actually fully fits the prompt#without the association that already existed in MY mind but which I will have to sell to not feel totally shoehorned for readers#which is admittedly a big ask under the circumstances#because the association would not be obvious if you DIDN’T know I had in fact had this idea for ages#and why would you? I have not brought it up before
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