#but she's being extremely selfish + illogical | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ineedglasses · 4 years ago

Text

VK Character Analysis: Rido Kuran

Rido is a complete, messed up, SOB, but I still like him as a character because he is simply such a fun villain. If I were to place him in that alignment chart thing, he would be “chaotic evil” without a doubt.

While he is generally seen as a creepy, sister-obsessed, maniac, I really believe he was different earlier in his life.

This analysis is based off the Rido we see in the manga and the light novel, NOT the Rido in the anime, since the anime was trash and deviated from the manga when it came to his arc. Anyway, at the start of the post, I will go over the info from the light novel and manga, next will be my headcanons of him as a young man and at the end is my interpretation of him when he was crazy, as we see him in the original series.

XXX

The Deranged Love story in the Fleeting Dreams light novel talks about Rido’s obsession with Juri and gives some info on their past. However, when compared to the original VK series there are several points that don’t add up, and some parts of the light novel simply make no sense.

First, Both VKM and the light novel mention that Rido killed his parents and presumably devoured them to take their powers. That makes sense, it seems like something he would do. What doesn’t make sense to me is the timeline. When exactly did he kill his parents?

All the light novel tells us is that he killed them immediately after they engaged him to Shizuka. Is this around the time Haruka and Juri got married? I always assumed Haruka and Juri have been married for a while, like at least 1000 years. If this is the case, within that time period, how can they not notice that their parents are dead and that their brother killed them?

Or does their murder occur closer to the time Juri got pregnant? But this doesn’t make sense either because Rido referred to Shizuka as a “small child” when he killed his parents, and by the time Juri was pregnant with Yuki’s real brother, Shizuka was probably already at least one or two thousand years old. Unless Shizuka is much younger than we thought? So when exactly Rido kills his parents is quite the mystery.

Secondly, How did he kill his parents?

I assume the older a pureblood, the more powerful they are. So how can he, by himself, kill his parents, both of whom are older and more powerful than him? I doubt his dad was a weakling because as former king of vampires, he should be quite powerful. In the light novel, it seems his parents were already wary of him and wanted to keep him away from Juri. Thus they wouldn’t completely let their guard down around him. And its not like Rido could carry around a hunter sword with him without it being noticed. Even if he was carrying something small like a dagger, his parents should have been able to overwhelm him in a fight since its 2 vs 1.

Kaname has commented that “purebloods have equal powers, so they would only exhaust each other in battle”; basically it is hard to kill another pureblood unless you have some advantage (e.g. Shizuka being already wounded by Zero’s hunter gun). So the only logical way Rido can kill his parents is if he catches them off guard, such as when they are taking a centuries long slumber in the family mausoleum, basically doing what Sara did to Hanadagi.

Thirdly, another point that makes no sense is that Rido in the light novel says:

“My parents had taken my precious Juri far away from me and made it so that we could never meet.”

How exactly did his parents take Juri away and stop them from ever meeting again? Send her abroad with no intention of ever letting her return? And yet the manga clearly contradicts that, because Rido is still in contact with Haruka and Juri, he was there to see their firstborn baby!

Fourthly, this is a small detail that has always irked me: In the manga, when Yuki’s brother peed on him, Rido mentions that he used to change his siblings’ diapers when they were babies.

However the light novel kind of contradicts that, because young Rido upon being called in to meet his baby sister says: “I will confess that newborns seemed very uninteresting to me at that time”; does this sound like an older brother that would change his younger siblings’ diapers? It sounds like a guy who would leave baby care to the nannies and stay far away from soiled diapers.

Finally, we get to the biggest illogical point in the light novel: Rido was a psychopath that just randomly developed an obsession upon seeing the newborn Juri.

“ It was in that moment – somewhere in the depths of my being – something abruptly flared to life. […] I was overwhelmed by the urge to devour her.”

No normal person just out of the blue feels the urge to consume a baby, only crazy people do. The rest of the light novel story continues depicting Rido as a psychopath. Their parents notice there is something wrong with their son because the mom slaps Rido and starts to keep him away from Juri. Adding on to this portrayal of him as batshit crazy, after he (somehow) kills his parents, he says the following:

“That’s what you get for getting in my way, you naughty things…”

LOL, who in their right mind would call their parents “naughty things”?

My issue is this: I highly doubt Rido was crazy from the start, because it would make no sense. If Rido was crazy, how the hell could Juri and Haruka not have noticed for over 3000 years?! Even the dumbest person would get a clue that their brother was crazy after just 30 years, much less 3000 years. They trusted him enough to let him hold their baby, so they clearly believed Rido was not crazy. There is no way that Juri and Haruka were that stupid and blind. Thus, I doubt that Rido was crazy at the start of his life. So, this aspect of the light novel is just total BS to me.

IF Rido really was crazy from the start, then his mom and dad were bad parents. Yes, it makes sense to keep Juri away from Rido if he really were a psychopath, but their other actions were just extremely irresponsible and selfish. If you know your son is dangerous, maybe you should address this issue properly. After all, he is a pureblood and if you don’t deal with the problem, there will be huge repercussions for everyone given the destructive powers of purebloods.

But instead of taking their son to see a mental health professional like any decent parent would do, Papa and Mama Kuran decided to solve the problem by engaging him off to a “tiny child”. I’m no parenting expert, but I’m sure if your son has mental issues, you definitely should NOT marry him off to any girl. Even if they didn’t get him some help, they should have at least locked him up like Shizuka to ensure he didn’t harm anyone... but they just let him roam free.

If this is the extent of their problem-solving ability, then it’s for the best that they ended the monarchy because they must have been cruddy rulers. But who knows, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they believed the “tiny child” they chose for him has a PhD in psychology and can provide their son with the help he clearly needs. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, I consider the light novel to be only pseudo-canon since it was inspired by Hino but written by someone else (Ayuna Fujisaka), so I will just ignore the parts that don’t make sense and keep the parts that do.

XXX

This following section is what I believe Rido to have been like when he was a (sane) young man, based on the info in the manga and the few bits that do make sense in the light novel.

Since Rido was the oldest son and born in a time when the Kurans were still the ruling family, he probably grew up with a lot of pressure and expectations as he was the crown prince. Given these conditions, he was most likely serious and hardworking, doing his best to live up to those expectations and preparing to be the next king (kinda like Eins in The Royal Tutor LOL).

He was also probably a bit older than Haruka and Juri (because according to the manga he has experience changing their diapers and taking care of them). And since he was probably busy with his princely duties, he did not spend a bunch of time with his siblings and thus Haruka and Juri were naturally closer to one another than Juri was to him. She probably saw him a respected older brother but not as reachable and easy to connect to as Haruka.

Rido was probably arrogant, possessive, and entitled even at the start (though at much milder levels than towards the end), which makes sense given his background. Not only was he a pureblood, but the crown prince too. And since he was prince, he probably had to deal with the dog-eat-dog world of politics from a young age, so that probably made him more cynical and darker than his siblings who had much less pressure and responsibility. It would almost be shocking if he was a humble and kind person instead.

Anyway, according to the custom of primogeniture, both the throne and Juri should have been his. Since it was tradition of the Kurans to marry their siblings, it only makes sense that as the oldest son and legitimate heir, he was the one that Juri should have married. Yet for whatever reason, their dad decided to end the monarchy, which must have been a huge blow to Rido who spent his whole life preparing to be the next king. He probably drove himself to despair questioning why and if there was something wrong with him that his father would pull such a move.

Then Rido probably got another big slap to the face: Juri choosing to marry Haruka instead of him, with his parents probably giving them their blessings. So not only has he lost the throne, he also lost the fiancée that should have been his according to precedent. And Juri choosing Haruka probably made Rido lose face among their society, since people would naturally wonder why Juri spurned tradition and married the second son instead.

(Actually, it wouldn’t matter if the monarchy getting dissolved took place first or if Juri choosing Haruka took place first, the point is both happened and it screwed him up.)

Rido most likely didn’t love Juri, but simply believed he did. He probably conflated Juri with what he lost/ what should have been his by birthright and became unhealthily obsessed with the idea of her. It didn’t help that the one Juri chose was Haruka, who we know has a mild and kind personality. To someone like Rido, those are traits probably considered “weak”, and thus he probably never thought of Haruka as his rival. Therefore, the fact that he lost to Haruka of all people shocked him, and there might have been some anger and sorrow at being betrayed by a sibling. So anyway, Rido’s emotions as well as his ego got clobbered.

But fate is not done with him yet! His parents most likely decided to engage him to Shizuka “without his consent” around the time that Haruka and Juri got engaged/married. They might have rushed to engage him off to whoever was available at that time (unluckily for Shizuka it happened to be her), hoping to get him out of the way of his siblings’ happiness. Rido probably was pissed, since not only does he not get to choose his new fiancée, the one chosen for him hails from a clan with a history of supposedly going insane, instead of someone with a less problematic pedigree. His parents really doing him dirty lol.

I think he really had some deep-rooted problems with his parents. Sometimes parents just don’t like their child, because of personality and ideological differences…Anyway, they were definitely in a strained relationship which would explain why Rido could go so far to kill his own parents and feel no guilt over it.

XXX

Finally, towards the end of his life he really just lost it.

Rido probably tried to keep up appearances and act like everything is okay and that his world is not falling apart, thus allowing Juri and Haruka to still trust him. But over the years he just stewed in his anger against his parents, his siblings and the world in general and turned into a very bitter and hateful person on the inside. And although he probably tried to suppress his growing darkness, his bad traits got amped up while his better traits died. It was probably extremely infuriating for him to see his siblings so happy in their pink glittery world while he himself was drowning in darkness.

(Even Kaien was annoyed by Haruka and Juri’s “pink world”, imagine an already salty and bitter Rido seeing this type of scene for centuries and just frothing with rage on the inside LOL)

So Rido became a sadistic ass towards the end, taking his anger out on people that have nothing to do with it. He tried to make Shizuka miserable and force her to be docile and had no luck with that but succeeded in breaking Senri’s mom and driving the poor woman crazy. Though if you think about it, in a way he did succeed in breaking Shizuka too… he caused her lover’s death and when she lost her lover, she basically lost her will to live.

Hino showed how talented Rido is at antagonizing others. While he possessed Senri, he intentionally hurt Senri’s body to toy with Takuma.

Even after his death, his dregs were tormenting Kaname by pointing out all his inner concerns, taunting Kaname about how he has no hope left.

In VKM, Yuki mentions Rido as someone “with overwhelming desires that only plunge the world around [him] into misery.” Overall, Rido probably got his giggles by making others miserable.

Besides getting high off ruining the lives of other people, he was just a bastard in general. He used everyone around him as tools, even his own sons. Unlike Shizuka or Kaname, he did not care about his subordinates at all, to him they were just “appetizers” and expendables. He also had zero reservations about forcing lower vampires to submit to his will.

Anyway, Rido probably was already a bitter jackass but he really snapped when he found out Juri was pregnant and would start a happy little family with Haruka. Maybe he was idiotically holding onto hope that as long as Juri didn’t have a kid, he still had a chance? Regardless, it was at that point that he gave up any vestiges of humanity he had left and decided to just pursue power instead.

With no hope left he just decided to give in to his primitive instincts and lust after power, at the expense of family ties. In a way, he might have felt betrayed by his family, and reasoned with himself that unlike the throne and Juri, at least power won’t be stolen away.

BTW, I think his decision to sacrifice Yuki’s real brother to ancestor Kaname was spontaneous and not premeditated. After all, crazy people are unlikely to plan things in advance and just do as their whims dictate...

Maybe it came to him right when he stared at Juri holding her newborn.

“It’s such irony that this baby was named ‘Kaname’ like you. That’s what got me started thinking of this.”

Because his plan (if he had one) sucked. He should have known that the famished, revived ancestor would attack him, since the blood of a tiny baby was clearly not enough. And yet he made no preparations to fend off such an attack and ended up getting drained by Kaname.

As a side note, Haruka could have killed Rido right then, when Rido was badly wounded by ancestor Kaname.

But he didn’t, and chose to have Rido imprisoned by the Senate instead. Haruka should have known that Rido would never give up on destroying his family as long as he lived, so the logical thing would have been to kill him. Even Rido mentions this later when he returned for Yuki.

While Haruka’s pacifist nature played a part in this, I think he also restrained himself from giving in to vengeful rage partly out of the fact that they are family, and more likely out of guilt. Perhaps Haruka had always felt guilty for marrying Juri and realized that he was partly responsible for driving Rido insane.

Anyway, Rido crossed the line by killing a helpless baby and basically burned all his bridges. At this point he didn’t really give any fucks anymore.

Asato mentions how Rido was like a child, even though he has lived so long. I think the analogy fits, because Rido acted like a child throwing a tantrum, trying to destroy everything and doing whatever he pleased with no regard for consequences or others.

In a sense, like Shizuka, Rido had already lost his will to go on living. The only thing keeping him hanging on was the need to lash out. Even though he acted like he was pursuing greater power, aiming to consume Kaname and Yuki to become more powerful, he wasn’t actually trying.

If he was serious, he would not have gotten easily distracted, suddenly deciding to have Yuki replace Juri instead of continuing with the plan to devour her. Rido also didn’t bother trying to fight seriously at the end and Zero comments on this.

Otherwise Zero and Yuki together could not have beaten him, given how Rido is much older/powerful and consumed at least 2 other purebloods. Even Sara said that Rido was acting foolishly reckless, saying he was just having fun.

XXX

Overall, given this interpretation of Rido, I actually feel bad for him. I believe that he drove himself crazy wondering why his parents ended the monarchy instead of letting him be the next king, and wondering why Juri chose Haruka over him. Those questions probably haunted him for centuries.

That feeling that you tried your best, did everything you were supposed to, but still ended up with nothing is something I can relate to. Sometimes one just wants to watch the world burn given how unjust life usually is (even though logically we know it is wrong to feel this way). So yeah, these are my headcanons and analysis of Rido, who I prefer to see as a deeper/more interesting character than just a sis-con psychopath LOL.

#Vampire Knight #rido kuran #Haruka Kuran #Juri Kuran #Shizuka Hio #Kaname Kuran

165 notes · View notes

ohpretty-baby · 5 years ago

Text

secure

✰ paring: namjoon x reader ; established relationship

✰ genre: fluff

✰ synopsis: “why do you love me?” ; basically namjoon is a big softie for reader

✰ warnings: cursing like once lmao

✰ word count: 3.5k

today i spent my time thinking about the concept of love and how people love differently. this is the product of that. also yes i was thinking about this bc i was listening to 5sos’ new album, calm.

It was 1 AM. The two of you were sprawled lazily on the new couch you got. Legs and arms were intertwined as you let the hours slip by, your eyes glued to the television screen and your bodies glued onto the soft couch.

Ever since you and your boyfriend of 10 months, Kim Namjoon, had become official, things had just gotten better and better. Wherever he went, success and happiness prospered. Now, you weren’t one to believe in superstitions, but Namjoon was like a good luck charm to you. Whenever he was around you, you were always happy and good things came to you. Namjoon was just good in general, always taking care of you and always showering you with gifts.

In fact, just last night, Namjoon got you that new couch that the two of you were laying down on. Even though he told you he was coming over that night, it was taking him a long time to get to your house. You figured that he was working extra hard at the studio, which also explained why he wasn’t responding to any of your texts.

Unbeknownst to you, however, he actually decided that he wanted to replace that tattered down brown couch you had in your house. He always felt uncomfortable on it. It was too scratchy. You’d always just roll your eyes at his antics, explaining that you couldn’t afford another big purchase like that right now. So he took it upon himself to replace it for you. He had actually left work early in order to find the perfect couch for you. When he reached the furniture store, he ended up getting a white sofa, not really knowing what the difference was, but he was sure that you wouldn’t care since it was so comfy. It was one of those sofas that you could just sink in and lay down in all day.

He still wasn’t responding to any of your texts, so you figured that maybe he wasn’t coming over anymore. And that was okay. You knew that sometimes work demanded a lot out of him and you didn’t want to bother him. To your surprise though, you heard a doorbell ring. You couldn’t really believe the sight before you. Namjoon was standing at the door, with a slick sheen of sweat glossing his skin. A huge box accompanied him, and he greeted you with a grin.

You smiled at the memory, also realizing that Namjoon was in your arms right now. The boy snuggled into your chest, and you unconsciously put a hand up to his brown hair, combing the strands calmly through your fingers. He hummed in delight, tightening his grip on your waist.

Even though you were half his size, Namjoon was always insistent on resting his head on your chest. It made holding your waist easier for him, which also meant he could hold you closer to him. You, of course, found this endearing, and also a good excuse to constantly play with his hair. It was a win-win.

You loved nights like this. Nothing else in the world mattered other than Namjoon and you being together. It was serene and you felt all your anxieties go away. He always felt like he was at home in your arms. Soon enough, both of you would fall asleep on the couch, still snuggled deeply in each other’s embrace. You could tell that Namjoon was getting groggy as his body seemed to reach a standstill and his eyelids drooped down. Before you slept, though, you wanted to see what would happen at the end of the chick flick you two were watching, even though you knew what would happen in the end.

It was just your typical cheesy movie. A selfless, kind girl moves to the city for her new job only to get coffee spilled on her by a playboy. She’s pissed off. He’s selfish. He gets to know her. They fall in love. She learns to love herself and he learns to love other people. No matter how many times this same plot was reused and recycled in countless of movies, you still felt your heart flutter when the boy would profess his feelings for the girl.

That scene was playing. The girl was moving back home due to heartbreak, which was slightly illogical since she had such a good job. You decided to ignore that fact, but chuckled softly at yourself. If Namjoon was awake and watching with you, he would say that and point out how dumb it was. He always wanted to watch action movies when you two were together, but once he saw how cute your face was when you blushed at a romance movie, he never mentioned any movie other than chick-flicks. Eventually, he started liking them too, but he’d never openly admit that to you. You could only tell because he’d start paying attention to the movie more than you at certain points.

It was raining in the movie and the girl had to get gas before her long drive home. You felt your heart race in anticipation for what would happen next. The boy came running to her in the rain, and he shouted for her. She wiped a few tears, trying to keep up her cold front. He then confessed to her, telling her that he never felt the way he did ever before. He told her that she changed him and he couldn’t bear to live without her. The girl then ran into his arms and they kissed in the rain, saying “I love you” over and over again. The background music got louder, letting the audience just experience the two characters’ love for each other.

I love you. You always thought it was such a strange phrase. Not that it was bad, since you were obviously so in love with the boy lying on top of you, but you always thought it was fascinating how heavy those words were. You were constantly cautious about that phrase, only saving it for the person who really mattered.

Namjoon, however, never really put any weight on that phrase. In fact, he may not even remember, due to the countless of times you two have said it to each other, but you can vividly recount the first time he told you that he loved you.

It was a Friday morning in August, and you were on your way to a job interview for an office job at a big tech company you’ve been wanting to work at since forever. You and Namjoon had been dating for one month at that time, and it all felt like a dream.

But right now, everything was a nightmare. You just barely heard your alarm, almost oversleeping. Your hair was extremely messy and even though you tried to keep it in tact by putting it in a nice bun, a bunch of loose strands still appeared. On your way to Namjoon’s car, you accidentally spilled coffee on your skirt. Namjoon reassured you that it wasn’t that noticeable since you were wearing a black skirt and you hoped that he was telling the truth. He also reminded you that you’d be sitting down the whole time, so it shouldn’t be that big of an issue.

While in the car, your hands got even clammier than they were before. You used your phone camera as a mirror in an attempt to try to tame your unkempt hair, but it wasn’t working. You felt your chest go tight, anxiety increasing. Your head went dizzy and you tried your best to breathe as you fixed your appearance. Namjoon picked up on this right away, and he placed a hand on your thigh to draw you out of your panic. You took a deep breath and put your phone away, realizing that you were getting way into your head. He gave you a soft smile and you grabbed his hand and placed it in your own, letting Namjoon’s touch bring you back to earth.

Namjoon squeezed your hand, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. He stayed quiet, knowing that you just needed things to be quiet when you were freaked out. Any noise would just set you off, so the car ride was silent, save for the soft R&B music playing on the radio.

Soon, your ragged breathing returned to a normal pace, and the knots in your chest went away. You were still a little dizzy, but you could pull yourself together. Then, you had reached the building.

You gave Namjoon a peck on the cheek and unbuckled your seat belt. You stood up from the car, straightening your skirt. Before you could close the car door, however, Namjoon said your name, grabbing your attention.

“I believe in you, Y/N,” He saluted you, showing off that goofy grin you adored so much.

“Thanks, Joon,” You saluted him back, giggling. You were about to close the door but then he called your name again.

“Also, Y/N,” His gaze met yours, and he stared at you lovingly, “You look beautiful today.”

“Oh, um, thank you,” You blushed, fidgeting with a fold in your skirt that was semi dry from the coffee spill.

“I love you,” He flashed you a soft smile, dimples appearing once again. You felt your heart stop and a soft ringing played in your ears.

“I love you too,” You said without even thinking.

And with that, Namjoon drove away to find a parking spot. You stood in front of the building, dumbfounded. Namjoon had just haphazardly threw that phrase at you. And you had just responded with the same recklessness! Your ears went hot at the thought of what just happened. You tried to reason with yourself. Namjoon was a very loving person, so maybe he’s just used to using that phrase right away, and you did love him a lot, so you weren’t lying either. It couldn’t be that bad.

You found out that it really wasn’t that bad. Later on, you’d get your job, and after the interview, you could tell that Namjoon did really love you. Once you got out of the building, you saw him waiting outside of his car, with a bouquet in his hands. You didn’t even know that he had left to buy them for you! Even though you didn’t know the results of your interview at the time, Namjoon was extremely proud of you. You ran up to him and he pulled you into his arms, spinning you in the air and making you both laugh. And from then on, countless “I love you”s were said between the two of you.

“Y/N, baby?” Namjoon croaked out, voice gravelly and scratchy because he had fallen asleep.

“Yeah?” You mumbled in response, finally out of your trance.

“Ah, there she is,” He grinned snuggling his face in the crook of your neck, “You weren’t responding for, like, 5 minutes and you were just staring at the ceiling! I thought I lost you or something.”

“Never,” You giggled, his breath tickling your skin, “I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

“Why do you love me, Joonie?” You asked rather abruptly. The question surfaced on its own, and you didn’t even realize that you had asked that until an uncomfortable silence settled between the two of you. You felt your heart race uncomfortably and dread fill your stomach. Was this it? Maybe Namjoon didn’t really love you, and he was just bored of being alone.

Your thoughts started racing around you uncontrollably until Namjoon pulled himself out of where he was snuggled, hovering over you. He placed a soft kiss on your lips before smiling at you, resting his forehead on yours. You felt at peace, and you let go of the breath you hadn’t noticed you were holding.

“What kinda question is that, dear?” He questioned, chuckling, “I love you because you’re you.”

“I mean, like, don’t you think you said ‘I love you’ way too fast?” You pouted, jutting your bottom lip out, “We were only together for a month when you told me that you loved me.”

“Well, sweetie, if I know I love you, I’m gonna say it right away, so you know,” He answered calmly, and repositioned the two of you so that could now rest your head on his chest and he could play with your hair. You smiled, happy at the warmth emitting from him. The movie had ended a long time ago, and it was you and Namjoon talking in the safe silence of your home. It was most likely 3 AM, and you felt your eyelids droop down slowly. Namjoon held you closer to him, placing a soft kiss on your forehead as you slowly fell asleep.

Namjoon was no longer sleepy since he had already fallen asleep for a little bit. He looked at you endearingly, loving how peaceful you always looked when you slept. He hoped you were having a good dream and he continued to stare at you, thinking about the conversation you two had. What did he love about you?

Well, what didn’t he love about you?

In fact, he was surprised that you thought he said that he loved you so early. Even though you two were together for only a month then, Namjoon felt like he was waiting for forever just to say that to you. He knew that he loved you right when he met you, and he was desperate to get the chance to say it to you.

He knew he loved you when you introduced yourself to him at a café, because he noticed how you’d always fidget with whatever you could get your hands on, whether it be the sleeve of your sweater or the ripped hole in your jeans. He noticed how nervous you were to talk to him, your soft voice trembling as it tried it’s best to carry every word you wanted to say. You didn’t even know why you wanted to talk to him, you just felt drawn in by his stare and you needed to know him. He vividly remembers the first words you said to him.

“Is this, uh, is this seat open?” You said sheepishly, trying your best not to slur the words together, “There’s no more seats open.”

Namjoon, in fact, knew that that was a blatant lie, since there was actually another table open that you could sit at. He found it cute, how you tried your best to find an excuse to talk to him. He nodded to your question, setting his book down as he introduced himself.

“I’m Y/N,” You smiled, and he felt his heart grow in size, “I wanted to talk to you about that book you’re reading, actually.”

Your smile widened once you grabbed your bag and pulled out your own copy of the book he was reading. Before he could even say that this book was one of his favorites, you immediately started rambling about how much you loved the book, a bright twinkle in your eyes.

 Right at that moment, Namjoon knew that he loved you.

After that, the two of you hit it off right away, constantly texting each other and meeting up the café or the library in your free time. One time he mentioned to you that his favorite color was purple, he noticed that whenever you were with him, you always had a purple accessory. Whether it be a purple headband, hair clip, earring, or just a purple plush keychain that was attached to your bag, he never knew. It was always a nice surprise when he saw you. He thought it was so cute.

Namjoon felt his love for you grow even deeper once you met his friends. They were a rowdy group of 7, including Namjoon, who were always goofing off when they were together. They had already known a lot about you, and they were practically dying to meet you. Jeon Jungkook was especially excited. Namjoon constantly talked to Jungkook about you, because everyone else was sick of hearing you. Min Yoongi would always flick Namjoon’s forehead, teasing him for fawning over someone he wasn’t even dating. Kim Seokjin would join in on the fun, and then everyone would slowly join in the teasing fest. They even said snarky comments about you, saying that you were a weirdo for always texting Namjoon whenever you read a new book or if you saw a cute frog on your walk to your house.

But once they met you, everyone immediately retracted their teasing statements about you. When you arrived at Namjoon’s house, you had a surprise for everyone. Namjoon told you quite a lot about his friends on your late night walks through the city. He’d tell you about all the weird things they did and how he thought you’d get along well with them. Well, you really didn’t want to disappoint.

When Namjoon opened the door, he was surprised to see you carrying 7 bags with names written on them.

“I brought everyone gifts,” You giggled, struggling to carry all the bags in your arms, “If that’s okay.”

Before Namjoon could say anything, the 7 boys were already running up to the door, intrigued to see what you looked at. You felt your cheeks turn hot as they took in your appearance and they all greeted you with a smile.

“These are my friends, if you couldn’t tell already,” Namjoon said rather awkwardly, and you could tell that they were all trying so hard not to laugh at him. You smiled, saying hi and introducing yourself to everyone as Namjoon carried your gifts so you could take your coat off and relax.

You passed around the gift bags, which all had a sugar cookie in them and a small trinket of what each boy liked.

“Whoa, Namjoon!” Jungkook was the first to open his gift, and he was extremely excited, “She got me an Iron Man keychain! Look at it! His arms and legs move!”

“Kumamon?” Yoongi brought out the plushie and examined it, a smile appearing on his face, “I don’t have this one yet. Thank you, Y/N.”

“KAWS! A keychain!” Hoseok grinned, showing his gift off to the other members, “Wow, Y/N, I don’t know you and I already like you!”

“Ooh, a new Mario shirt!” Seokjin ran off to the bathroom to change into it right away, “I look good in this. Good job, Y/N.”

Taehyung and Jimin both squealed in delight as they opened their gifts, seeing new copies of the manga that they liked. Everyone found their reaction humorous, laughter filling the whole house.

Even though you were happy and satisfied with everyone else’s reactions, you were dying to see Namjoon’s reaction to his own gift. You nudged at Namjoon, who was sitting next to you, and excitedly bounced your leg up and down in anticipation.

“You should open your gift, Joon,” You pointed to the bag in his lap, and he nodded. Everyone else watched, surprised by the nickname you had given him.

It was a blue pajama set that had his favorite character, Ryan, printed all over it. He flashed a grin at you, remembering that he only mentioned that he liked Ryan maybe once or twice to you. He pulled you into a hug, feeling a warm a feeling in his chest. Everyone grinned at the two of you before teasing Namjoon.

“Oi, Namjoon,” Seokjin snickered, “Are you crying?”

“Shut up!”

Namjoon laughed softly at the memory of that day. He loved how you were always so attentive to the things he said, bringing things up about him that he himself even forgot. He knew that he loved you right from the get-go. Not just because you were pretty, because Namjoon was never nervous around you. His feelings for you weren’t fleeting, like puppy love in high school. He knew that he would love you forever, because he felt secure with you. You tried your best to impress not only, but his friends, who were basically his family. And don’t even get him started on when you met his family. They, like Namjoon, loved you right away and knew that you were a keeper.

His mom even scolded him the next day, telling him that if he lost you she’d never forgive him.

You stirred in your sleep and all of Namjoon’s attention was back on you. You must’ve had a bad dream. He hushed you, cradling you in his arms until you were calm again. It was probably 4 AM. Namjoon took a deep breath of the cold air, admiring your features once again.

“I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you,” Namjoon sighed, heart breaking at the thought. But he knew that he loved you and you loved him, so he wasn’t worried. You were his home, and he was yours. He didn’t know what he did to deserve you, but he knew damn well that he’ll do anything to make sure that you’re still his.

He placed another soft kiss on your head before falling asleep too in the quiet, calm house, where you could only hear Namjoon’s soft breathing with yours.

this made me soft and i would do anything for kim namjoon k bye :,)

#bts namjoon #kim namjoon #namjoon fic #bts fic #bts fanfiction #bts fluff #kim namjoon fluff #bangtan #kim namjoon ff #im so soft #crying #kim namjoon oneshot #namjoon fluff #kim namjoon fic #namjoon oneshot

201 notes · View notes

no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist · 3 months ago

Text

I sort of agree, but after rereading recently I don't entirely agree.

While I wouldn't really categorize Immortal Longings as a romance in terms of genre, I do think that Anton and Calla's relationship is a romance to some degree. I just think the issue is that people hear see romance and immediately characterize romance as something that is ultimately going to be positive and healthy, and in Immortal Longings it is not.

I don't think Anton and Calla's relationship is solely about lust, and even if it was, having sexual attraction as a foundation of a relationship is not a bad thing. In Anton and Calla's case lust is obviously a factor in their relationship, but I really don't think that's all it is. And who they are as people is what makes their relationship unhealthy not the fact that they're sexually attracted to each other.

Calla very deeply wants to love and to be loved and to be safe, but at the same time, she is a very deeply traumatized person who views herself as selfish for wanting that and just has absolutely no idea how to have a healthy relationship with another person. She clutches on to any figment of a sense of self that she can grasp onto while allowing herself almost nothing beyond the revolutionary role that she has designated to herself. With Anton she is obsessive and possessive. She sees the smallest glimmer of an opportunity to have this one thing outside of her goal of killing King Kasa, and she wants it so, so badly even though she knows the circumstances are impossible and in the end she knows she will be willing to give up Anton to achieve her ultimate goal even though she very desperately does not want to.

Anton cannot remember a time, other than when he was watching his entire family get murdered, when he was not alone. He had an extremely unhealthy friendship with August growing up, and continues to cling onto the teenage relationship he had with Otta that seemed to also mostly consist of emotional abuse and her basically using him as a prop. He cannot comprehend being in a relationship with someone who is not possessive of him and who wants him without ulterior motive. He has no idea what a normal healthy relationship looks like or how to have one. But at the same time, he still wants it. He continues to care for his abusive ex while admitting that he may not have truly loved her partially out of obligation, yes, but also I think because he subconciously recognizes that without him she too would be cast off and left to fend for herself, much like him except that this would be a death sentence for her. He is so desperate to be cared for and to reciprocate that care that he looks past every single red flag in his and Calla's relationship that he is completely illogically surprised when she tries to kill him at the end of the games.

Does this make either of them good people? No. Have their circumstances allowed them the chance to be good people? No. Does this make their relationship positive or good or healthy? No.

But I don't think that Chloe Gong's point in Immortal Longings so far has been solely to write a toxic relationship if that makes sense. I think a lot of the point of this is to look at all of these horrible toxic parts of their relationship while also looking at the tiny glimmers of moments that could be good if they had more time or different circumstances etc. I think this is a huge part of the tragedy of their relationship because you know deep down that their relationship will not end well despite all of the what ifs and tiny glimmers of hope. Because their circumstances and who they are as people do not allow anything else. I think that a huge part of the tragedy of Immortal Longings is that Anton and Calla likely will never know whether what they have is love or obsession, and the audience, as a result, will never truly know either.

Also, I think there is this urge to say their relationship is not and cannot truly be love because it is toxic and bad and unhealthy and because Anton and Calla are... morally gray, to put it nicely. And I don't personally agree with that because I don't think love is always a good thing or a universally positive experience. And I really like how Immortal Longings portrays relationships with nuance by not showing toxic relationships as wholly bad and instead acknowledging that even in a relationship that is a net negative, there are often moments that contradict that. I also think it is very good and important that Immortal Longings portrays characters who are not good people as something other than aro coded unfeeling robots.

“The romance in Immortal Longings was so bad!” “We want more romance!” “Chloe’s OTHER romances are so well done!!”

How many times do we have to say ITS NOT A ROMANCE!!

#sorry for hijacking this post and also if this is completely incoherrent

55 notes · View notes

kikiscastleinthesky · 4 years ago

Text

THE SOKKASM ZUTARA

I’ve seen a lot of tumblr blogs that ship zutara and I decided that is time for me to open mine too. So, yes, I’m a zutara shipper. And for the time being, my posts are going to be dedicated principally to analyze the ships in ATLA.

Disclaimer alert: I’m not forcing anyone to ship zutara. And I won’t accept hate because I (and many others) may have a different opinion, If you are one of those persons I invite you to leave, don’t waste my time and yours, because I’m not even going to reply. Everyone has the right to ship whatever they like and want, without been mocked, harrassed and humiliated.

Well... now that everything is settled: 3...2...1 go!

I’m starting with this small analysis, because every zutara shipper has been attacked on why zutara and zutara is horrible yada yada but, this ocassion I’m gonna use all the attacks we get and defend it.

I. Zutara is way the worst toxic relationship:

You call Zuko the abuser, the toxic and the bad tempered? Then you didn’t get a clue of his redemption arc.

You call zutara toxic for:

a) giving your mother’s closure and final acceptance into the group?

b) saving each other’s life?

c) being the “leading co-parenting” of the group?

d) support you when you’re about to beg for his uncle forgiveness?

II. The cave scene didn’t mean anything, and just think about it, they would never ever get along well:•

Of course, I misunderstood Zuko confessing his own grief, probably he just hates her.

When Katara opens to her mother sorrow like she never did with anyone was like no big deal.

That part when she offers to heal his scar with SACRED water was totally illogical.

And being the first person who he let touch his scar really said to me that they were absolutely toxic.

Yes, he betrayed her initial trust. And it hurt, but guess who betrayed worst? The man who for three years was his father. But nope, Iroh, should never forgive Zuko, for what he did. (Right? Katara was betrayed and she should bever have interest in him, so Iroh would never forgive his abuser, right?)

III. Zutara is about getting in love with your abuser:

The abuser love? When did Zuko abused Katara? When did he forced to do something she didn’t want? Did he ever physically abused her or sexually assaulted her? Even if he tied her to a tree, he never humiliated her, he never hurt her or overpass against her. Or are you trying to make up his whole plot to eliminate all his attacks towards team avatar only rest in the female character? (Have you forgot how he betrayed his uncle? Or even himself?)

IV. Zutara is an age gap, it would be underage thing. “You don’t like Aang because he is a child and still pair Zuko, being a minor.” You want to hypersexualize two kids (Aang and Katara) into having sexual interest.

Katara would have been dating an underage guy too. She would have been 18 and Aang 16. I know! Age gap only matter when the man’s older. Both Katara and Zuko had gone through puberty, and both were in adolescence, both shared the same maturity level. Yes dude, there a huge difference in being a CHILD and being a TEENAGER, yes, still minor, But with puberty hit already.

Actually, I still believe even being 11-12 you can get like a… spark… a hint. Even if its not a relationship whatsoever, and not having sexual interest of any kind. If you really want to see what closest we get to a “real” attraction and potential between kiddos that age, you get S1Mike and Eleven (stranger things) / you get Chihiro and Haku (Spirited away) / you get Pazu and Sheeta. (The castle in the sky) –Wooo, that really changes things right?

But yet there are people that believe shipping zutara is “pedophile” I thought in seriously not replying to this stupidities but, here I am, dismantling their theories.

So, this is real life. An adult person trying to sleep with a prepubescent kid. So… there is no support on this. Because a ship is about two fictional characters in a fictional story.

What about fictional pedophilia? Well, we can change that: Fictional pedophilia is a psychosexual disorder when you ship an adult fictional character (+18) to have a sexual interest in a fictional prepubescent child (-12) and / or attempt to engage both characters in sexual acts.

So step one… are either Zuko or Katara either an adult or prepubescent child? As you can see in the image at the right, both have gone through puberty. Step two, are you trying to a couple of minors to get sexually involved? No, this is a love story, not porn. And before you yell at me for the porn zutara comics/fics on the web, I guess you should see the porn Kataang /fics comics on the web too.

But I don’t hate any ship. So, technically, neither Kataang, nor Sukka, nor Yukka, nor Jetara, nor Maiko is pedophilia.

Ok, yeah yeah its not pedo, but is statutory rape, so yet it’s illegal.

Oh yes, if we state that 18 is the age where you are considered an adult (at least in my country) both are minors, your term is partially correct. But guess what would be statutory rape too?

Sukka (15) and Maiko (16-17), both implied to have sex relationships and canon during the series.

The episode "The Southern Raiders" became (in)famous among the fandom for what is a truly epic instance of this trope. Zuko bumps into a very flustered Suki on the way to Sokka's tent, and she hurriedly excuses herself. He walks into Sokka's tent to ask him a question and finds him pants-less and surrounded by flowers and candles. He even greets Zuko with a suggestive "Well helloooo..." before he realizes who itis. After a short talk, he rushes Zuko out and sticks his head out to call for Suki. And if there was any doubt, Sokka is shown the next morning fiddling with a flower necklace for no apparent reason... except to indicate that maybe Suki had been “deflowered”.

And yet, if Kataang had sex, it would be statutory sex at some point too: 16 and 18 -Conclusions: Statutory sex takes all ships equally.

V. Poor Aang he would be devastated.

Kid, he’s 12, in the comics he’s 13-14. Or what? Haven’t you guys had a broken heart ever? Your high school sweetie? Or Aang’s so frail to not be able to find love? To close himself for a better opportunity? Seeking your own happiness in not selfish. What is selfish is seeking your own happiness at the other expenses.

And even that, we all know what would Aang do if Katara starts a relationship with Zuko. (Even if it wasn’t Zuko, I highly doubt he would like Katara dating someone else) He would go on avatar rampage. That is NOT healthy, that is NOT romantic. That is extremely possessive and selfish to do. It’s psychotic. Because Aang cares more about himself than Katara’s feelings, even if she would be happier without him.

VI. Zutara is all about sex interest.

Well once more you mistake chemistry with sexual needs. Wanting me to sleep with my husband means I only use him for sex relief? If I find myself sexually attracted to anyone probably means I just want to sleep with that person and nothing else.

VII. A hug is all zutarians have to acknowledge zutara:

We have a complete extended analysis in all the small details, but we like to use that forgiveness hug because in that hug you have more potential that all the kataang scenes all together. We have thousands of complete analyses, pages dedicated exclusively zutara.

VIII. Katara “fell in love with Aang” and it’s not one sided.

Uh... Nope, just because two persons are good friends it doesn’t mean they are a good couple. Yes, the way the both of them interact is absolutely beautiful, But not romantically.

Do we see Katara’s view on romantically being drawn towards Aang? Yes, we see it, and yes, unfortunately, is one sided.

How Kataangers complete this:

· The fortune-teller: I didn’t see like “Wow omg the avatar is going to be my future husband!” But… was like “uh… really?… well, I guess it’s him” Zutarians and Aunt Wu are the base for many backs up theories. ;) Aang is not the only powerful bender you know? And actually, that episode is way trying too hard to demonstrate the crush Meng has for Aang and Aang has to Katara. How is even healthy to accept that sometimes persons don’t like you back and it’s not the end of the world.

· The cave scene: I forgot that Katara is telling him to be her boyfriend and they will live happily ever after. And really, it all gets us to a real Oma and Shu theory. Not to mention that they were “forced” to kiss because their kids innocence believed if they kissed, they wouldn’t die, and that Aang messed up things as well. But if you see it beneath, if she was truly interested, she would have told Aang: “wow omg we kissed, ok. let’s give him a clue…” nothing, she goes back in treating him same as always.

· The headband dance: Well that’s a fair point yes. Actually, I felt something different…unfortunately Katara later had to tell him not to kiss her.

IX. Zutara is because you projected on Katara and had a crush on Zuko, because Katara and Zuko were your favourite characters and because is the bad boy style romance.

My crush was Jet <3, and zutara was the most logical endgame for girls. Ask any girl, ANY 14 yo who would like to date: A high school, nice and handsome guy or a 7th grader that had potential to be her best friend. (See the logic)

And nope is not like “Insert fav characters of the opposite sex to ship them” You need to see real development.

I don’t know why they stereotype Zuko as the “bad boy” – relationship archetype. Zuko is never seen to be the classic fuck boy who treats girls like shit and suddenly there comes a lady to change him. Maybe he is a “bad boy” (confused though) in S1 and S2, but his redemption arc is literally the answer of why he is not “bad boy” anymore.

If Katara was truly and really romantically interested then she wouldn’t have friendzoned Aang. Once? Nope 4 times. And also… are we forgetting kind of imagery…

Friendzoned

When Aang fixes her a small necklace with the fishing thread.

When he kissed her at the invasion. She didn’t reciprocate it. (I’m not even mentioning the mommy proud speech)

When he wanted to talk about the kiss in the western air temple (Comic love is a battlefield)

When he kissed her at the play and she had to told him to back off.

Strange imagery

She was June Pippinpaddleopsokopolis (Aang’s granddaughter)

When Aang got shot, she held his body in her arms in the exact way Mary held Jesus in Pieta’s sculpture.

She was Sapphire Fire. (Aang’s pregnant mother)

After they got married, in the book legacy, she said she enjoyed most seeing Aang becoming a man. (Honestly ladies if I got a BF the least I want is seeing how the kid transforms into a man)

I’m looking forward to watch you grow into manhood as I did to your father (Katara’s letter to Tenzin)

I’m really trying to deny Oedipus complex here.

Still hard for me to track Katara’s love interest for little Aang since all we see is more a relationship mom/sister or Harry/Hermione. I have heard rumours that Bryke wanted to give the ship “mystery” and “expectation” but I think they really messed up, I didn’t see expectation or mystery, I saw a child insisting to a girl that didn’t reciprocate. It wasn’t even like she didn’t have much of a chance, because her love interests:

Was killed by Long Feng

Gave him a hideous mustache and disappeared him after Azula’s attack in the western air temple.

Forced to be attached to a toxic relationship.

Apart that all those points I’ve mentioned, Kataang is not a relationship for me. Staying in a formal relationship with the first person they met of the opposite sex at 14 -12 (guys not even Disney does that, jeez not even studio Ghibli) and not having any chance to experience any other relationship. Never experiencing a broken heart, or someone better. I think that it gives the wrong idea, telling guys that no matter how long they are placed in friendzone, eventually the girl will fall for them. They just have to keep insisting.

You could say, but what a hypocrite! Snow White was 14 years old when she went to live with that prince! Many princesses are 16! And not to mention that many men were the first they met! Like Aurora, Rapunzel, and Cinderella. Well, you are right at one point. But ... the interaction of these characters changes radically, mainly because they never "give cute kisses" to their future husbands, nor do they treat them like their brothers or their children and ... the men were never friendzoned, except for Naveen at the beginning. You see the real attraction of teenage girls with an older boy. And I'm not saying that they should never be friends or support each other. Mulan and Chang were allies, friends, they supported each other, they saved their lives. But at no time was there the kind of interaction Katara and Aang had.

If Kataang was to be endgame, we would see Katara’s reaction to Jet, totally different, THAT kind of reaction was what I was waiting. (That kind of reaction is what every princess do, at least one time)

The same chemistry we saw in Yukka / Sukka. Honestly, I saw more chemistry between Haru and Katara.

Or at least give us some character development like: Aang, I know my feelings where not as you wanted but now I decided I want to be with you because (list everything here except he being the avatar), I really like you, perhaps we can give it a shot. Or like several things that could clue us that she is interested (come on people, two persons can kiss/hug/ have sex and that doesn’t imply they will be together in a formal relationship) But all we got was: Oh, right, he’s the avatar... suddenly I fell for him and I’m gonna kiss him fully in the mouth and that’s how I’ll tell him and that all my confusion has magically disappeared.

X. I’ve never saw that kind of spark between them. Again, it was “Just a hug”

Yes! That’s initially the whole point of it, a friendship hug, the truth of why we don’t need silly blushes. Because that forgiveness hug shows their initial relationship, they are friends! All their love needs to come first from a truthful friendship, by the contrary of calling the “immediate falling” like Aang did for Katara, it shows us that friendship love can evolve into something more beautiful, and that’s why we like the ship, because all zutara shippers know Zuko and Katara wouldn’t fall in love like that all of the sudden, they have to create the romantic relationship, and that’s what we portray in the fics.

What makes Zutara exceptional is that he, sees her, he hears her, he listens what she had to do, at anytime he forced her to do something she didn’t. And before a “teenager adolescence ship” he sees her as a human, with feelings with own ideals and goals.

And there is a complete and extremely well based analysis in: The crossroads of destiny + The southern raiders + The lighting saving.

XI. The comics show us how toxic they really where.

Their interaction in the comics was something I like to call: destroying a character. Not only Katara, who turned to be that awesome badass to the submissive girlfriend. From how I see it in the series to the comics there’s all I have to say: That’s not my girl.

XII. How Katara could be queen of a country that almost aniquilates her tribe and killed her mother? It would be a betrayal.

I think this argument is out. Not valid. Is like saying a Jew can’t date a German because of the holocaust. (German doesn’t mean nazi, just as Zuko, who was from the Fire Nation and didn’t order Katara’s mother assassination, and not every citizen of the fire nation means a ruthless killer). Is like saying that a Japanese can’t date a us citizen because of the bombs in WW2. And even if we see it “political”, is like… an aphrodescendant can’t rule a country that is racist, then Mr. Obama would have never reached the presidency.

Two persons can unify them, because they can demonstrate that being from different country that initally has not good terms can reach peace. The union between those countries represents the power of maturity, of overcoming adversities and the power of forgiveness. *Our lands now connected by love* And I want her to be queen, I want her to rule, I want her in charge, I want her in power. Imagine all the potential she could have (politics, business, negotiations, rebuilding, restoration, education, public health!! ***faints***) Not only for the fire Nation but for the whole world! Imagine that once Zuko abdicated they left to the south pole and she opened a fighting school and a healing school of her own (like master Pakku, but now her students are given a medical license that acknowledges them as professional healers) And this is just an idea. Like these ideas are hundreds. It would have been the perfect feminist role model!

XIII. Since the beginning, Katara was always interested in Aang and she always supported him and was for him when he needed her. That’s proof they were meant to each other.

If a girl expresses faith in your abilities, she loves you, she hugs you, and she supports you clearly she’s completely into you. Because obviously female best friends don’t exist.

#zutara #ATLA #Zutaradefense #Ifyoudon'tlikeitscrollaway #Noreplytohaters #Katarandzuko #Dismantlingtheattacks

47 notes · View notes

halfblood-fiend · 4 years ago

Text

Star Trek Bingo 2020: Vertical Prompt 5

FUCK OR DIE

Show: Enterprise

Words: 5,940

Rating: Mature

Warning(s): explicit sexual content

The Ex in Extra-Terrestrial

Mestral had known that this outcome was inevitable. His biological needs would always catch up with him, he had only hoped that it wouldn't come to this, to her. It's been three years since he last saw Maggie, now she was his only hope if he wanted to stay alive. He only wished she would not judge him too harshly.

Read it on AO3.

He had known that this day was going to come eventually. It was as inevitable as the rising and setting of the single sun on this world that he had called his home for three years. A part of him—highly illogical though it was—had hoped it would never come at all. Perhaps, he would get inexplicably lucky (strange how that word had worked its way into his vernacular through his prolonged Human exposure) and his biology would not be so predictable.

But Mestral could feel the thunder in his bones and the crawling across his skin. Where everything on this planet was once cool to discomfort, now it was all burning hot. The pon farr was upon him.

Mestral did his best to take care of his problem himself. He had undergone meticulous planning on how to best approach this particular and unfortunate biological inevitability. He purchased a sequestered cabin far away from any human towns, stocked up on all the food and comforts he could think he needed, and he had planned to hole himself up and meditate for as long as it took to break the rampant fever. He would turn his intent inward, he could destroy his cabin if he wished, but he was optimistic it would not come to that.

However carefully he planned, a single loose thread nagged at the back of his mind. What if he could not do it alone after all?

On his travels, he had met a great many interesting and kind person. Some were even extremely aesthetically pleasing. None, however, had come close to the same importance as the woman from Carbon Creek, Maggie. No matter how pleasing the company or how fantastic for his work a new human was, Maggie was often in Mestral’s thoughts. Was she well? How was her son, Jack? Was he excelling in college? He had often wished to see her, to give in to a weakness that nagged in his mind, and, more often, in his heart. Always, logic dictated to him that to revisit Carbon Creek was never a viable option.

But if all his best laid plans regarding his Pon Farr failed… if he was forced to take a Human mate… Maggie was always Mestral’s first and only thought.

Promising himself it was better “to be safe rather than sorry” Mestral settled himself in a cabin in the woods of Pennsylvania, near where he and his crew had first crashed. He was careful to avoid Carbon Creek, choosing to drive further to get his necessities rather than visit the town where he could very well be recognized. Then, he settled in to wait.

It was very nearly two Earth weeks before he broke.

Mestral agonized by his telephone, but the meditation and the thrashing had done little against the onslaught of millions of years of evolution. He was backed into a corner and forced to make a final and irreversible decision.

He wished he didn’t have to do this to her.

Mestral dialed the long since memorized number and held his breath. After a few rings he felt a distinct sense of relief when he heard her voice on the other side of the line, slightly curious.

“Hello?”

He wasn’t certain she would answer at the late hour, but he was eternally grateful. “Hello. Maggie. This is… it’s Mestral. I—” How could he even begin? Where could he start?

“Mestral.” His name fell flat in her voice, and he withered inside, just a little. “You know you have some nerve calling here after all this time.”

“I-I know,” he replied quickly. He had calculated for this, but hearing the hurt in her voice made it worse. Foolishly, he had hoped, it would be as though no time had passed. But of course, humans with their short and emotional lives, would not let such pain as he had caused live down easily. Mestral closed his eyes and pressed the receiver to his ear desperately, like the lifeline it was. “Margaret, there is nothing I can say—”

“You’re damn right!”

“—only offer my sincerest apologies for the hurt I have caused you. I… I would not have bothered you again if…if it wasn’t imperative. If…” If I wasn’t dying. Mestral squeezed his eyes shut and felt the fingers in his pocket curl into a fist. What could he do? How could he explain?

How would she react?

“Mestral…?” Maggie asked softly. The change in her tone was encouraging, but Mestral wondered if it would be enough.

“Margaret, I need your help. You…you’re the only person I can trust. Can…can we meet?”

Maggie was quiet for several heartbeats, then, “Yeah… Yeah, we can, Mestral. Where—”

“At your tavern. After closing. Please…It will be a strange request, but I ask that you do not tell anyone of my coming.”

“You’re scaring me, Mestral,” she said in a hushed whisper. “But if you’re in a bind, I’ll help if I can. It’s the decent thing to do, no matter what you did to me.”

“Thank you.”

The lights inside the tavern were still bright, but Mestral had watched the last patron exit ten minutes ago. He stayed back in an alleyway across the street, just in case some late caller had a change of mind. The last thing he wanted to risk was for anyone else to see him here again. Part of him very much doubted that any Human, by their vaguely careless natures, would notice how he had remained virtually unchanged in the last three years. The rest of him was too compromised by the plak tow to believe he was thinking clearly. He was taking enough risks as it was, being here at all. No need to “tempt fate,” as it were.

At one am sharp, his fedora pulled low over his forehead and the collar of his heavy wool trench coat pulled up against the chill, Mestral pulled on the handle to Maggie’s tavern.

The air was warm and the sharp smell of Human alcohol reached his nose. For a moment, the idea to get Maggie so intoxicated she might forget everything crossed his fever-addled mind. And was immediately dismissed. Mestral refused to hurt her ever again. He was here to prostrate before her and entrust her with the greatest secret he had and hopefully, hopefully, she would accept him as her mate.

Otherwise, he was about to make the largest mistake of his life. And perhaps the last one, if Maggie was unwilling to help him. Between revealing his true heritage or dying, it was quite obvious which was the preferred.

Maggie sat waiting for him at a small table near the center of the room. She looked up when he entered, and tired blue eyes glanced at the clock behind the bar. A small smile crossed her face, though Mestral couldn’t quite tell if it was sad or exhausted. Perhaps both.

“You were always a punctual one, weren’t you?” she asked, softly laughing to herself. “Not sure why I’m really surprised.”

Mestral nodded. He didn’t trust himself to speak just yet. Even if his senses were not as acute as his female counterparts’, the Plak Tow made what he did have nearly unbearable. Maggie smelled sweet. He could nearly taste her on his tongue from here. He had not quite anticipated the heady roll of memories that assaulted him the moment he was back in this place. Too easily he remembered sitting at the bar with her, smelling her perfume as she walked by him to deliver drinks, the way her lips felt on his when he had kissed her goodbye all those nights ago.

He could barely remember why it had been logical at the time to have left her at all.

Maggie regarded him for three heartbeats and then scoffed to herself. She turned her face away from him, her hand coming to her mouth. “I’m a damn idiot, Mestral,” she said bitterly. She sounded halfway between a laugh and a sob and this confused him. He remained helplessly by the door, waiting for her to continue. “I thought I could stay mad at you. I told myself to just hear what you had to say and then send you on your way, but seeing you…” When she turned back to him, she was misty-eyed, but made no comment on her mental state. “It’s good to see you,” she said so quietly, Mestral was certain no Human could have heard it. “Sit down, will you?”

“Maggie, I—” How many times had Mestral gone over what exactly he would say. So many ways he had planned how to broach the subject, but she was right. Seeing her sitting there, so close and yet so undoubtably far before him… “It is good to see you too,” he replied. He moved deliberately, all too aware of the storm that brewed inside him. How easy it would be to destroy the back of the chair, to throw the furniture rather than sit in it. This world was not made for him, but selfish as he was, he sought to make himself a home here. He forced himself into everything.

Mestral closed his eyes and attempted to gather his thoughts.

“Believe me, Maggie, that I had not really wanted to leave you. It was for—”

She shook her head violently and pressed her mouth together. “Don’t,” she hissed. “Don’t you dare, Mestral. Just…” She sighed. “Your coat. You must be burning up.”

“I am fine.” No, too harsh. “I appreciate your concern,” he added with more control. He was burning up, but coat or no, it would hardly matter. When he opened his eyes again, he sought her gaze. She put her hands out on the table between them, her intent clear. He stared at her fingers and gulped.

After a moment, she understood that he would not touch her, and Mestral hated the way her hands curled back into her body, the way the edges of her mouth set. “What is it that you need, Mestral? You sounded desperate on the telephone.”

Where to begin?

“If it’s money, I can do what I can, but you know what it was like here in the bar for me—”

“No, Maggie. I did not seek you out for monetary means. Nothing so…plain.”

She bit her lip and made no motion to speak.

“I… I would have a favor to ask you. And… it would be no simple task. In fact… it is almost unthinkable for me to request it of you, but I sincerely have no other choice. You must know that I have exhausted all other means.”

A crease appeared between her eyebrows and Mestral had to look away. The edges of the plak tow were making this painful. Such a monumental task not to shout his need at her without a care for her understanding. But he must hold firm. He must know a bond with him could be something she desired. She had seemed to desire it once, but three years was a lot of time for a Human and Mestral could make no assumptions.

“Just tell me, Mestral,” she said gently.

“I…will admit I do not know how to explain. There is no way to make my confession without it sounding…”

“Try me.” Again, she put her hand out, and again, he wished that he could allow himself to take it.

He drew his eyes away from her palm and focused on the chipped edge of the well-worn table.

“What do you know about Roswell?”

Maggie uttered a quick surprised bark of a laugh. “What?” she asked, incredulousness in her voice. “You mean��? What are you asking? About aliens?” She leaned away from him and crossed her arms over her chest, shaking her head. “Did you show back up on my doorstep just to tell me about cookey conspiracy theories? And to think I thought you were going to ask me something serious—”

“I assure you, Margaret, I am completely serious.”

She narrowed her eyes at him for a heartbeat and sighed. “Sure. Roswell. Supposedly there were extraterrestrials that came to Earth to conquer us—or something—UFO’s and all that, but they were just stories. The guys here tell them when they get too drunk. Hell, Jack will tell me about them once in a while—subscribes to some trashy alien fan magazine that fills his head with drivel. All these tall tales and there hasn’t been any proof. So just what does this have to do with you?”

Everything. Mestral looked up at her disbelieving face and considered his words carefully. “Roswell and a few of the other isolated incidents were not founded entirely in fiction, Maggie. Some of them are true.”

She shook her head at him. “You came all this way, crawled out of God only knows where…just to talk to me about aliens… To think I thought you were different once—”

“I need your help!” Mestral cried over her. He balled his fists in his lap, and squeezed his eyes shut. “It is essential that you have a full understanding of me before I ever ask you for my favor. Roswell was real. The extraterrestrial race that landed there was one my people know as the Ferengi. And they are not the only other alien race out there. There are hundreds of thousands more across millions of galaxies. Space, the universe… is so incalculably vast, Margaret… You could not have truly believed that I, nor you, were ever alone in it.”

Such a logical argument, but her mouth remained a firm line. “So, there are aliens out there, according to you. Which is crazy—but fine. Say I buy that. Get to the part about you.”

Mestral stared at her hopelessly. This was neither going as smoothly nor as well as he had hoped. There was nothing gentle about his delivery, nothing light about what he had to say, and every moment longer he spent languishing was another moment he could feel his control slipping from him.

In all the fantasies about what he might say to Maggie, it had never been this way. Never shouted and never spoken so plainly. He had hoped for a kinder understanding. He had hoped for open arms, for the open heart that he had remembered her to have possessed. Rather foolishly, he now realized, as he stared despairingly at the years-dulled lacquer of the table top.

“I… I am one of them,” Mestral said softly. He peeked beneath his lashes to gauge her reaction, but there was nothing to gauge. With nothing else to do, he pressed on. “My colleagues and I. We were not from this world, nor any one nearby. We came here to-to study Humankind. Our races are so similar, yours and mine, and—We crashed. Outside of Carbon Creek. We stayed there for some time, but we were starving. And—”

”What?”

“We did not think we would ever be rescued, but then our distress beacon was found. T’Mir and Stron—they both returned to our planet with the rest of our people, but I—I elected to stay here on Earth—”

“You’re a—”

“I am an…” Mestral licked his lips. His heart beat frantically in his side. There was hardly any going back now. He’d come this far. And yet he considered reaching out and catching her neck in a nerve pinch and hoping that she would awake believing all of this to be some kind of dream.

But if he did such, he would die.

Maggie leapt from the table and took several shaky steps back. Mestral forced himself to remain seated. He put his hands up and hoped.

“You’re trying to tell me you’re some kind of a-a-a—a MARTIAN?”

He blinked. “A Vulcan.”

“A what?!”

“I am a Vulcan. Not a Martian. There are no such things as Martians.”

Maggie pressed a hand to her head and then pressed the other to her face too. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

“No,” he replied quietly, staring at her intently as though if he took his eyes off her for a moment, she might disappear. “I am Vulcan. You asked me once why I always wore a hat when last I was here. This is why.”

She peeked through her fingers and watched as Mestral reached up with trembling hands and removed his fedora from his head.

He had relaxed on the Surakian look that nearly all his people adopted. It was easier to cut his longer hair himself, as visiting a Human barber was out of the question. There were certain advantages to keeping his hair longer as well. He could hide the tips of his ears the way Stron had done in his time here, but with the benefit of fewer people calling him “Moe.” Now, he revealed himself to Maggie, tucking his black hair behind his pointed ears and reflexively smoothing the front away from his forehead, as he had seen so many Human males do.

There was no fighting the nerves that swallowed him now as he stared up at Maggie, who’s face he could see, even behind her fingers, was crumpling in confusion and despair. She uttered a small squeak and waivered on her feet. Mestral half-rose, ready to catch her, should that be what she required, but she stepped further away from him. He froze. It occurred to him quite clearly that any movement he made now would mean the end of him. The end of this…whatever he had hoped it would be.

Lowering her hands, Maggie stared at him as if he was a different person. Her face was still stricken and pale, her mouth parted slightly but she wasn’t screaming or running. Mestral supposed he had to hope that counted for something.

“Your…” she said in a hushed voice. She took a step toward him and Mestral willed himself to be perfectly still, electing even to hold his breath lest he scare her away.

Her eyes jumped back and forth from his face, taking furtive glances at his ears as though she could offend him if she stared.

Please understand, he thought desperately. Please.

She came close to him. She raised a hand in front of her face. Mestral stared at her fingers. “M-may I…?”

Mestral clamped his jaw tightly. It was necessary. It had to be done. Control yourself! He gave Maggie a tight nod.

Slowly, her fingertips brushed the hair at his temple, and he closed his eyes, the muscles in his stomach going taut. Her skin blazed on his as Maggie touched him, tracing the shell of his ear and sending ripples of agonizing pleasure unwittingly throughout his body. Every nerve screamed at him. They shouted for their release, for the desire to grab her like some barbarian and find his end with her. Enough! they cried. To hell with patience! But Mestral was better than his base instincts. He had to believe he was.

He couldn’t tell how long or short a time the torture was. His skin sang long after hers had left him. Her smell filled his nostrils as he fought miserably for control of himself through a haze.

“—beautiful.”

He met her gaze again and was shocked to find her blue eyes on his face, looking over him wonderingly. “I always thought there was something strange about you, Mestral. It’s a little…validating to find out I was right.”

The tenderness in her face made him breathless. Mestral hardly dared to hope that perhaps this plan would work out after all.

“So…you’re an alien. And now you need…what? Asylum?” She smiled slightly. “I don’t know how much help I can be if you have a spaceship and everything.”

“I do not,” Mestral said hoarsely. “I committed to staying on Earth, and I was left with nothing. T’Mir and Stron took the wreckage of our ship, lest Humanity find it.”

Maggie nodded. “Okay. Makes as much sense as anything else, I guess. So…”

“My favor is not something to be asked about lightly. But as I have no way to return to Vulcan, and no hope of… There are certain…” Certain what? How could he possibly say it?

“Mestral,” she breathed, laying a hand on his chest. Perhaps mistakenly where she believed his heart could be. “If you are the only alien here… Are you…lonely?”

He looked down at her. Not quite the truth, but close enough. Perhaps if that was as close as an understanding as they could come to…

No. No, this was not enough. Mestral didn’t come all the way here and risk his exposure just to ease loneliness. And Maggie deserved to know everything, not be unwittingly tricked into bonding with him.

“I am…” He licked his lips. He could nearly taste her. “I am in need of… My kind, we must…take mates every seven years. I believed I could fight my nature but…”

Maggie’s eyes widened again.

“It was never my wish to leave you. But without my kinsmen, my anonymity here in Carbon Creek was limited, and I wished to travel to see more of your world. But when I felt the Pon Farr upon me—”

Maggie mouthed the unfamiliar words as he spoke.

“—my thoughts were only of you. There is no one else on this entire planet that I could possibly trust—”

“You…you came back just to have sex with me.”

Mestral shook his head. “No! Maggie, no. I-I came back to take—to ask you to be my mate. I can think of no other—”

She pushed him away with the hand on his chest, and though she could never hope to move him, Mestral stumbled back at her request. When she spoke, her voice shook with rage. “This was your request. Your favor??”

“Please understand—”

“Even men from other planets are all the same!!”

“No, Maggie—”

“You know, I guess I do owe you my thanks, Mestral. Thank you, at least for being so goddamn honest! If my ex-husband had been so upfront it would have saved me a lot of heartache!”

“Maggie, please!”

“You should go, Mestral! I am not some-some slut to-to-to—”

“Please, Maggie, I will die!”

Mestral squeezed his eyes shut and turned away. He staggered to the table and sagged his weight onto it. So much effort. It had taken so much effort to keep collected, but now his blood was pounding in his veins. His body threatened to shake itself apart, to rend his skin like tissue paper. He whimpered and then his legs gave beneath him and he collapsed onto the floor.

He hadn’t wanted to mention that final detail. It felt too much like pressuring. But as he saw his chance slipping away, he couldn’t keep the truth to himself anymore. His mind was hardly his own any longer. Maggie was truly his last and only hope.

“Mestral!” Maggie called from somewhere far off. Her voice seemed to carry sluggish and leaden as though through a dense fog.

“I would not have come, if it was not such a dire situation,” he wheezed, not entirely sure she could hear him. Perhaps the plak tow had driven him entirely mad and he was speaking to no one. “I wanted to protect you from anyone who could discover what I was. I wanted to… I—”

“Mestral…”

“I have a great admiration for you, Maggie. I…I owe you so much…”

He felt a pressure against his face and heat blossomed from his lips. The same heat that he had wistfully recalled over the previous three years.

Reality snapped into focus.

He was sprawled on the floor, his head in Maggie’s lap, and her lips; yes, her lips were pressed to his and he relished in the feel of her, the smell of her, the promise that lingered in the way her hands cradled his face. The blazing in his body screamed anew.

She broke their kiss and smoothed his hair away from his face, shaking her head. “I hate… I hate how I can’t let you go. I don’t know if what you’re saying is true or if you’re just… It doesn’t matter. I was so in love with you. I hate how I’m still in love with you…”

Mestral blinked up at her and raised a hand to touch her cheek. The feel of her skin sent a shock through him but he grit his teeth against the desire that uncurled in his chest. “Maggie…”

“Just…tell me what I need to do. T-To help you, I mean.”

He outstretched his fingers and Maggie followed suit. When all her fingertips touched his, he shuddered. He could hear her breath catch, feel her heart pick up its pace. The gnawing in his blood grew nearly to its boiling point.

“Parted from me…and never parted,” he murmured.

“Never and always touching and touched,” Maggie replied. Her eyes widened. “How—”

“We are becoming connected,” he breathed. “You can feel me as…as I feel you.”

She wanted to ask what that meant, and Mestral wanted very badly to tell her, but as his entire body shuddered violently, he could see he was out of time.

Mestral gulped. “I…we will only go as fast or as slow as you…”

Maggie smiled down at him. “I’m not a blushing virgin, Mestral. I know how this works. I was married once before, you know.”

Not like this, he thought, but he knew better than to say it.

He wanted so badly to kiss her. To reach out and drag her onto him, but he resisted. If he could do one thing right…if he could treat her the way she should have been treated all along…

Maggie licked her lips and looked at him resolutely. “Maybe that would be good for a… f-for a Vulcan woman but…” Her other hand smoothed over his hair and she stroked Mestral’s cheek with her thumb. He trembled under her touch and if he wasn’t already too weak to stand, he would have needed to use every ounce of his will to hold himself in place. “B-but I’m not a-a Vulcan woman, Mestral. I’m Human… and…and I just want to help you. Before it’s too late.”

Mestral realized she had heard his thoughts. It was happening so quickly with the fever. He nodded.

Gulping, Maggie leaned forward again and pressed her lips to his and this time she eased her tongue into his mouth. She pulled her fingers away from his and stroked down his arm. Her own fingers shaking, she trailed them across his chest and down his abdomen. She hesitated at the waistband of his pants and then attempted to undo his belt with one hand.

“Maggie,” he said hoarsely between her kisses. Something tight and desperate like fear knotted itself up around his heart.

“I know that it’s probably…strange. But a penis is a penis, right? You can show me what you like later.” Freed of the belt and the button, Maggie’s hand plunged beneath his pants and when she grazed his length, he convulsed, his hips bucking and a strangled cry escaping his lips. She squeezed lightly and bright light exploded behind his eyes. Every inch of his skin was on fire. “Is… is it pretty much the same for…Vulcans?”

She thumbed across the double ridges of his head, catching the dorsal nerve as she went and Mestral’s back arched.

“I’ll just go ahead and take that as a yes,” she said breathlessly.

When she withdrew her hand, Mestral made a most undignified sound, but he understood when her hands flew to the hem of her dress and she started pulling off her undergarments. He tried to lift himself up to sitting but she stopped him with a hand on his chest. She eased her legs out from under his head and lowered him completely to the floor, bending to kiss him again. Briefly. Then she straddled his hips and settled on top of him with a little shake of her own.

He groaned and gripped her thighs with his hands.

She was so fragile. He would have to be careful. But he didn’t know if he had that much control left in him.

Maggie bit her lip. Through her bare skin, Mestral could feel her trepidation. He wished he could give her more words of comfort—or any words at all for that matter, but he could not form anything comprehensible through the blood fever’s highest pitch. The only thing that he seemed to know was the ache that sprung from every part of him. All of him desperate for the relief that the press of Maggie’s body promised.

Fumbling fingers attempted to pull down his pants. Mestral obliged her by lifting his hips easily, even with her on top of him. She gave a little gasp, but she stabilized herself on his chest. His hands wandered up her thighs, revealing more pale skin to his hungry gaze. If he had any energy of his own…

Reaching around behind her back, Maggie groped for Mestral’s member. Her fingers running along the downy hair there sent him into frantic pants. He shook with anticipation for—there! She gripped his base and sent shudders and stars running though his body.

Her eyes were fixed on him. Determined. Resolute. He would have never known she was nervous if it wasn’t for her skin pressed to his.

Maggie rocked backwards and he felt his tip against something slick and hot. Tossing his head back, he keened through grit teeth and fought against the instinct to drive himself into her.

He couldn’t! He wouldn’t hurt her!

But all at once, Mestral was seized with pleasure as Maggie did her own driving. She was wet. And hot; so so blessedly warm. Like he never imagined. From far away he was dimly aware that Maggie had moaned, a lovely sound that melted him. Or it would have if he wasn’t already blistering.

She eased herself up and down, sliding over him, her hands planted firmly on his chest, his fingers digging into her flesh. Steadily, she rode him faster and he was blinded by colors so bright they all blended into white behind his eyes.

A meld. He needed a—

Mestral’s body convulsed and the tight strings that had wound in his stomach unfurled and snapped. He came in a high string of groans that would have been unacceptable for his Vulcan bondmate to hear. His new Human one, however, grinned with satisfaction and bent forward to press her lips over his cheeks, his nose.

It was like breaking a shackle that he hadn’t known he was wearing. Like coming up for air. His head cleared in an instant.

Mestral knew he was nowhere near finished, that there was still far more to this mating experience, but he could feel the strength returning to his limbs and a modicum of willpower returning to his mind.

He would no longer be a passive participant. Maggie deserved better. And he would make it up to her.

Grabbing his Human by her waist, Mestral rolled them over until he was poised on top of her. He watched the emotions play across Maggie’s face—shock, pleasure, delight—and he reveled in them.

He hitched the fabric of her dress up to her middle and noted how she gleefully undid the buttons at her neckline and freed her breasts for him. He heard her plea in his mind and bent to kiss her flesh the way she wanted, his tongue tasting her sweet skin. As his lips closed around her pert pink nipple, he thrust into her, and her cry of pleasure radiated down his spine with his own.

“Maggie,” he sighed as his hips found a rhythm with hers. “Maggie…”

She uncurled for him. He heard so much of her. Everything she said and all the more that she thought. She was open to him. Maggie was all his.

She came around him in a shuddering and delightfully human orgasm. The way her walls tightened and convulsed made him hiss and break through another of his own—another tie of Pon Farr snapped on the tavern floor.

His head felt clearer than it had in weeks.

“God, Mestral. God.”

The Vulcan cradled the woman to his chest and nuzzled his face into her neck. He breathed the scent of them both in and shivered.

“I still need you, Maggie,” he whispered.

She nodded, in a numb sort of way. He could feel through her skin that her mind was still fuzzy and reeling, but she was interested.

‘I’ll do whatever you want if you keep fucking me like that.’

Mestral blushed at her thoughts, but he was grateful the feeling was mutual. His fever was only somewhat lessened, and he was unsure if Maggie’s stamina could match his own. Who knew how much more he would need from her until his biological drive was sated?

“Bedroom?” Maggie panted as she attempted to wiggle her hips into his. “It’s been way too long. I don’t want to stop if you don’t.”

Mestral groaned and nodded into her neck. “I do not.” She whimpered as he eased himself out of her and got to his feet with her in his arms. Maggie told him the way without her having to utter a word.

‘Is he still gonna be here in the morning?’

He looked down at her. She watched him with glowing admiration, but there was sadness deep in her eyes. Sadness that he put there, he knew, but that he swore to himself to undo.

Mestral contemplated the ramifications of their actions here tonight while he climbed the stairs. Something big had changed for both of them, even if Maggie didn’t know the full extent of it yet. Whether she ultimately chose to keep him around when she found out, it didn’t matter just now. So far as Mestral was concerned, Maggie was his bondmate now, and he would do everything for her that that might entail here on Earth.

Anything. He would do anything she asked.

He lay her on her bed with care and she smiled up at him. She peeled off her dress and cast it aside and watched as Mestral shed his own coat and shirt and crawled on top of her.

Maggie’s fingertips traced the line of his jaw and along the shell of his ear. She lightly pinched the tip between her finger and her thumb and Mestral shivered. She grinned up at him. With her brown hair curled out over the pillow beneath her, she was a marvelous creature to behold.

‘Please, God. Let him stay this time…’

Mestral bent slowly and captured her lips in his. The soft movement of her, the pressure between them built and made his blood simmer again. His need pent in his body, winding up once more.

He broke the kiss and let his hand smooth up her arm until he clasped her hand in his own. “I will stay for as long as you want me,” he whispered against her lips.

“You really mean that?”

“Yes. I absolutely do. I am loathe to make the same mistake twice. I have not stopped thinking of you since we met, and I will not leave your side again unless you ask me to.”

She kissed him again. There was a certain finality to it that made Mestral warm.

“I’d have to be crazy to do something like that.”

#Star Trek #Star Trek: Enterprise #Ent #Mestral #Mestral x Maggie #IT"S FUCK OR DIE NIGHT #it's a lemon y'all #Fiend writes #Star Trek Bingo

27 notes · View notes

loveireandblog · 2 years ago

Text

And Croatia! Bc I went on holiday w a fucking racist, drunk, suicidal LANDLORD . THEY BOTH HAD me come back a shell of a human I can't even reiterate it enough but atleast w croatia I came back w a bit of vivacity.

FUCK Kai. Seriously fuck kai! And it had to be my fucking bfs fucking central group of fucking FRIENDS. NOBODY LIKED KAI! THEY ALL SPOKE HORRIBLY OF THEM. And in their twisted fucking head it was like a battle of the partners which in time afterwards has become extremely apparent Now basically not cos of me bc they're selfish bastards who don't stick up for eachother let alone me the rando gf of bf anyway they've made a boundary against kai now instead of licking their arsehole and hating soon as they were gone (and at the same time whole time in Rome bf is like I'm distraught! I want you guys to gel so goooood. But kai! And I'm like no...I do not like. Your friends. And they were like but they're sticking by kai for _gf of kai_ and i was like right but they are being duplicitous to the extreme and they r closer to kai + whT did I fucking do 🙃. Mistake of my life. Take it all personally. He's always saying get out n make friends I actually cannot believe I cared looking back I'm now solidified in my small circle. There was 3 people n Kai n bf. And 2 of those people apologised later n said it was a witch hunt. Just to rly make clear the call isn't from inside the house but now I've said that but idc

They just deal w kai bc she's _ gf and I'm like in what fucking world and then when kai was acting up w me bf didn't stick up for me in real time - he said its bc he cld see how much I was struggling water under bridge but instead what stuck in my extreme chokehold head is mirror images w a bad brain - my nemesis. If you put a filter onto things in my world ur gone. I am filter central lol I'm gonna cry I find it very hard to climb down frm all ledges n it's where I go. Posi twist is that I'm good! I'm fine! I am just fucking petrified of my own traps!!!!!)

and thats it that's where I am now tryna fucking scrape money to look after myself as I see that was after being agoraphobic (keeps happening in extremely intense bursts for wks and rn I'm in a pretty okay one where its every few days atleast but idk if "can only go out w someone in tow" but can do gym! And corner shop! And town centre and cinema. A train to a diff city on my own? What once was my extreme usual has disappitated) after covid threw me into warrington and I spent a lot of time indoors pulling me back to Home days & no community.

I pushed myself out and absolutely yes coincidentally (bc I couldn't believe it) the 2 holidays were brutal and i was extremely vulnerable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but they were indeed brutal! The stories (when told properly) has everyone flabbergasted! They question! Why did Sam for example come on this family holiday? The other carer was like urrrr ill politely decline. What cesspit of shit boundaries was going on there pray

Or kai and bf . He has shit fucking friends. Like that's his baggage

I see my own logic in the things that happened rather than their symbols and I am PRAYING AGAINST HOPE the mirror thing adds up I sound mental but that's ocd for u - and compulsively eclipsing n ruining along the way apparently apppppareeeently but I am not okay and i thought I'd figured out the illogical nature enough to bypass. No. That was days of old 👍. As I keep repeating the better I get, the worse the bdd is getting.

ROME *RUINED* MY LIFE OR I JUST SAW PROPERLY IM NOT ENTIRELY SURE BUT I LITERALLY and i came back as Nothing and then building up bc I don't wanna /die/ and it's all wRONG

#Like how can I write a book following the logic of whittling down ur world #And have the answersr #But not accessible to I currently #It's gaps it's fear based it's panic and it's interwoven n solidified #And somewhere in that too is no real #I can't have nourishing rn for I'm not nourishing myself consistently enough

1 note · View note

mental-health-advice · 3 years ago

Note

Hey.

For a while I feel like my friendship with this person has become inherently codependent.

I didn't realise how much I needed to be needed by him until recently. I put a lot of my self worth on him and in the process put him above everything else. And I felt justified because he was going through a tough time. And I don't want to judge him, but he isn't exactly the best person. He can be extremely cruel to other people and selfish. But I never questioned anything he did because I wanted him to like me. I didn't neglect any other things like school and stuff. I kept on top of it, but most of my free time was taken up for him, having conversations that I really didn't want to and I enjoyed myself most of the time but sometimes I felt like I outgrew his company. I made up versions of him in my head that were so much better than real life. This was aggravated because we were all in lockdown and I couldn't meet other people. I've only ever known him through phone calls for a while and the two months we actually met in in person school were spent with him feuding against my other friends in his quest for power. I always found it impossible to pick a side in these situations, because the others were right but I wanted to please him too. I was incapable of refusing anything he said. I always had to hide away a part of me because I was afraid he wouldn't like me then. And he could be very controlling too. He thought he was above everyone and the school director kind of favoured him too, so he had a lot of plans for a very unsafe event. But then schools shut down again and he became really depressed and was suicidal and tried to pin everything on me at one point, just because I respected my mother's words. I tried to be there for him, and this went on for four months. I agreed to everything he said because it was easier than fighting with him. Now stuff hit rock bottom and the director has shut him out and told him to just get back to academics. Schools are opening this week and now he's really scared again.

I don't know what to say when he tells me his life sucks and that he doesn't want it. He's out of the extreme phase now and he expects everything to be handed to him without working hard for anything.

I knew he was someone who didn't care about other people and took joy in the sorrow of others but I always excused his behaviour. When things got too bad I stepped aside.

But apart from all of this, I always craved for him to call me. My happiness depended on his. I needed him to talk to me. And me only. I got insanely jealous and beat myself up inside. I worried so much about him but he didn't seem to care about me at all. When I tried to talk about my feeling it resulted in us fighting continuously, with him saying I didn't deserve him. I never needed him to respect me or my boundaries because I knew he was incapable of caring about someone else and that it wouldn't be worth my time. But now I can't take him just using me anymore. At first I just thought that I had feelings for him which caused my jealousy, but then he came out to me, but these still seem to persist. I just need him to come to me for any problem that he has, but that took a hit today, when I couldn't deal with him at all. I've read up codependent friendships and I think that's what is really going on in my head. I don't like him romantically I think, I'm just really insecure.

I don't want to be that person anymore. He doesn't respect my boundaries, my family or my interests. I'm not allowed to have an opinion because anything that he doesn't agree shouldn't be said in his presence. I feel like I'm stuck in the same place and unable to truly be myself. We are so different and my beliefs directly contradict his but I've never been able to express them to him. And he calls himself my best friend. Our other best friend, is kinda in between. She regularly argues with him and demands respect, but he doesn't even consider it. But when he has a problem we have to drop everything for him. And he accuses me of not trusting him. And he tells me not to say things that make him angry rudely but he doesn't do the same for me when I tell him calmly that I don't want to talk about something. He's really condescending too, and acts as of nothing matters but him. And because of the lack of going out, he was the only solace I have.

Despite this I still deeply care about him. This morning he was groaning continuously, and I told him that everyone had problems, he completely turned on me and said that I didn't get to say anything because my life was fine and that his was way more difficult. He acts as if he knows everything about me and assumes that I will be fine no matter how hard his words are. And he's kinda right, because I always come back to him. This same person told me a few minutes ago that everyone one in our grade was fine and that nothing was wrong and that someone should die, so that their life sucks. So he'll be fine if someone died and if they shut the school and the state, so that he doesn't have to deal with the consequences of his actions. He even has the nerve to whine about how he doesn't deserve any small hardship that comes his way. But life's hard and he doesn't seem to realise that there is life after your senior year in high school. He seems to think that this is all that matters. We're just sixteen and he acts like this is all we ever have. I don't know how to help him. He says he has a bad home life, but I don't know how that excuses him being a horrible human being to others for no reason. And he is privileged. I tell him to work hard this year, and next year in college he can do what he wants. But he says he wants the life of a film star without lifting a finger.

I feel like it's my responsibility to fix his issues, but he's the only one who can. I can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.

Moreover he doesn't even care about anything that other people are going through stuff too. And he called me selfish for implying that the world doesn't revolve around him. I've always tried to be there for him, and I still want to, but I don't think it's good for both of us. We're toxic to each other. Sometimes I wish his problems were magically fixed so that we could go back to being normal friends instead of the complete wreckage we both are.

He says no one understands hima s if he was accusing me of not caring enough about him. But I felt like I hit a breaking point and that I couldn't just nod my head anymore. I'm human being with issues of my own but he doesn't give a damn.

I can't even talk to him normally, I have to thread around eggshells to keep him happy, but I'm never happy with him. He says I don't act enthusiastic to his ideas. I hate his ideas but I'm always nice about it. I don't shut him down. I hope he gets the things he wants even if they aren't to my liking. And today he calls me boring and attacks me for not liking marvel. I mean come on can't I even have an opinion on a movie? I said I liked a ship in it ( it was a comfort ship that helped me escape) and he said I didn't have a right to have an opinion because I hadn't watched all the movies. Fandom is something that gives me joy and keeps me grounded and today he attacked something that I thought no one could. My imagination. My ability to create worlds in my head. The worst part, we met because we were both Harry Potter fans. And now he doesn't even feel like that. I helped him edit and write his debut novel. I feel like that person who believed in something is gone. He even admitted to just using me for my knowledge in the beginning.

I still feel sorry for him though. I'm really sorry if I've rambled on for too long. This has become more about him that it has about me.

I still really like him and feel that we can be friends if he starts to try to help himself and if I get rid of my insecurity and jealousy when he talks to other people. My brain is illogical. I don't want to have to deal with all of his issues all the time with no regard for myself, but I don't want him to confide in some else either.

I hate this person that I've become. Who cares about no one but him. I tried to use his issues as a shield against the problems going on in my own life. I try not to let anyone see that I don't have my life together either, because I feel bad about bothering others with my issues, when they have a million struggles of their own, but isn't that what he's doing to me? He disregards my feelings but I'm still very much obsessed with him.

I've lost my sense of self respect completely, and I pushed away other people for him.

I need to stop being codependent on him, and start at least liking myself.

Please help me. I'm sorry if this is too long. I seriously needed to get this off my chest.

And I apologise if I bothered you with my silly problems. I know there are more important things in the world but I seem stuck here. I don't want to appear ungrateful for anything so I pretend that everything is fine. And honestly I feel like I can never be not okay with a wonderful mother like mine. Oh and he hates her too. I just can't seem to win with him. My dad though is a whole nother issue.

This guy gets on my nerves, but I still need him to be happy too. But I shouldn't have to carry that burden. Right?

Hey there,

Due to your Ask being so long, we kindly ask you to resend your Ask and try to keep to our new 700 word limit if at all possible. Long Asks are very difficult for us to answer as there is just way too much information for us to take into account which means that often the Ask will be in our inbox for a lot longer as we don’t always have the capacity to answer them.

We hope that you understand and we are sorry for the inconvenience!

I hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #resend Ask #new 700 word limit

1 note · View note

miracleboiz · 4 years ago

Text

Secret Night~ Arankita

Kita Shinsuke had lived on his own strength for years, only tripping occasionally. Now, everything seemed to hit at once and the only place he feels safe to fall is in Aran’s arms.

This is part of my Making a Home series, between chapters 19 and 20. I would suggest reading that I’m not sure if it’ll make sense otherwise.

Read on AO3 or below!

The knock at the door barely reached through to Shinsuke. Another knock punctured the silence before he was able to stand up and move towards the entrance. Even still, Shinsuke paused, letting himself try and think over the decision to let Aran in.

After a few seconds he realized that might be the problem. He was trying to logic his way through a very illogical situation. What was logical about human emotions? What was logical about parenthood? What was logical about being in love with your best friend for almost thirteen years and never having the courage or will to confess? What was logical about deciding to ignore any romantic pursuits only to realize it was because you’d foolishly thought your best friend would be beside you always and never move on?

Shinsuke was almost displeased with how illogical his life was at the moment. Actually, he was extremely upset with it. He liked order, he liked routine and rules instead he’d somehow managed to take on Akagi’s wild life.

“Hello, Lady.” Shinsuke greeted as the door opened and the poodle pushed her way through to sniffle at his leg. He reached down to stroke over her ears, taking the moment to stare at Aran’s feet instead of having to look him in the eye.

“Shinsuke…” Aran said softly, like a whisper in the wind.

Shinsuke sucked in a breath, then looked up.

Aran looked soft, head tilted with amber eyes endlessly affectionate. The smallest, sad smile curved up on his lips and Shinsuke couldn’t stand it. The emotions welling in his chest, the understanding nod in his direction, even the damn boba tea plush that he knew Aran had brought just to tease him. It was all too much and not enough.

He stepped forward without a thought, burying his face in Aran’s chest and holding onto him as tightly as he could. A sob ripped out of him as Aran held him in return.

Shinsuke barely noticed being pushed back into the house, or the sound of the front door closing. All he cared about was Aran, holding him, touching him, being here . He’d forgotten how comforting it was to have Aran around, to be able to lean on him physically and mentally.

The ice skating was just a taste of their old dynamic and Shinsuke hurt with how much he missed that.

“It’s okay to let go.” Aran murmured, voice vibrating even deeper through his chest and Shinsuke just tightened his hold. He shook his head, only releasing one arm to scratch at Lady’s shoulders as she whined and tried to sniff at his hip.

“Shinsuke… Just for tonight. Let go . You don’t have to be the strong one, not when I’m here.”

“I’ll do something stupid, I just… I just don’t want to be alone.”

“Shin, your definition of stupid is very different then mine.” Aran said and Shinsuke wanted to laugh.

He wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of the entire night. At the chances that the first person to meet the boys would be the one who gave them up years ago. The fact that he was, after three long years, back in Aran’s arms and crying. That right after the final piece to his plan fell into place, everything struck him at once.

Part of him knew it wasn’t actually all at once, he just wasn’t prepared for it. The logical side creeping in to remind him that life wasn’t about luck but opportunities to grow like his granny always said.

Right now, Shinsuke didn’t feel like it was an opportunity. He felt like he was drowning in responsibility he wasn’t quite as prepared for as he thought. Like he’d simultaneously trapped himself in his routine and destroyed any safety outside of it.

“When’s the last time you did anything stupid, Shinsuke?” Aran asked, one hand gently rubbing small circles over Shinsuke’s back. “C’mon, let’s go sit in your room, the living room echoes into the back rooms. I don’t want to wake the boys… Did you eat already?”

Shinsuke was half tempted to refuse to move, wondering if Aran would just carry him off or let Shinsuke collapse on the floor. The floor sounded much nicer than trying to have a conversation when all he really wanted to do was curl up and sleep on top of a dog and his best friend.

“Yes.” He finally managed to push out, pulling away until Aran’s hand just barely lingered over his hip.

There was a question on his face, eyes trained on Shinsuke. They took in everything, reading him like he was a book and Shinsuke’s chest ached.

There was no need or want in Aran’s touch, the way it hesitated, brushed over Shinsuke’s skin before starting to pull away. Nothing on his face told Shinsuke that Aran was here for anything other than Shinsuke’s wellbeing. Aran would never ask for anything more than Shisnuke offered, never push.

Shinsuke loved that. Loved him.

Sometimes, like now, he wished Aran was just a touch more selfish like Shinsuke was. Chasing after what he wanted without regard to everything else around him.

Perhaps in a way he was, Shinsuke could concede. Aran chose volleyball, Shinsuke chose his business. Perhaps Shinsuke just wanted someone else to make this choice for him so the overwhelming guilt and panic would disappear.

The tug on his sleeve made him look down to see the fabric caught gently in Lady’s mouth. She tugged on it again, intelligent eyes looking him over with worry.

“Okay… C’mon Lady.” Shinsuke murmured, letting her turn and lead the way down the hall sniffing curiously at the wall. Shinsuke paused before he’d gone more than a step, reaching back to wrap his fingers over Aran’s wrist.

There was no hesitance as Aran stepped up with him, back to his side like he’d never been anywhere else. Like he would never be anywhere else.

Shinsuke leaned into him, keeping the hand on Aran’s. Trying to memorize the feeling of Aran’s body beside his, warm and strong but so soft and tender. The way Aran’s fingers brushed over his cheek as he wiped away tears and the entire world seemed to fall away as his eyes shut and he stopped moving.

Nothing mattered, not the ache in Shinsuke’s chest or the pain of tomorrow. Even the uncomfortable feeling of his wrist twisting to hold Aran’s desperately. The only thing that mattered was here. Now.

Aran.

How badly he wanted to kiss Aran, how badly he’d always wanted to kiss Aran.

It wasn’t a usual feeling. Shinsuke just lived with an undercurrent of ‘Ah, I love him and I’d like to be with him right now’. Then it would hit him full force, choking and giving him life at the same time. Want and need fighting in his mind for comfort, love, touch. For Aran .

He didn’t even realize how close they’d gotten until he could feel the softest breathe over his cheek. A nose brushed against his and Shinsuke almost gave in as he opened his eyes. Understanding, warm, adoring eyes stared back at him and Shinsuke didn’t need to look to know Aran was smiling.

Aran was always smiling when he looked at Shinsuke. Even when he was being teased or laughed at. Even when Shinsuke insulted his ritz crackers or stole his only jacket at a festival four years ago. He didn’t stop smiling when Shinsuke called him a fool on a walk home one day for falling for an obvious prank. He didn’t stop smiling when Shinsuke would harass the first years, pretending to be far more serious and popping up behind them far more than he had any right too.

Aran always looked at him, like he loved him. Loved loving him. Loved being in love with him, even with all this drama and pain and never getting anything but friendship in return.

Everyone in highschool always called Shinsuke a saint, godlike, ethereal. Standing here though, in the pale yellow light from the kitchen, at the start of the dark hallway and holding Shinsuke like he was absolutely precious, Shinsuke knew Aran was the one they should have been complimenting. Aran was the amazing one, the soft and caring one, the loving and loyal one.

Yes, Aran ate way too many crackers with cheese and told terrible jokes. Not to mention the way he never figured out how to properly clean a shower, or the fact that Shinsuke had to nag him to throw away underwear (“It’s not wasteful if it belongs in the garbage Aran.” “... They have atleast two more goes.” “They do not, I’m burning them.”). Or how Aran always sung songs off key to purposefully deafen them in cars, or would get beyond huffy about anyone saying peanut butter chocolate was overrated. Even though Aran chattered over people without realizing and forgot how to order coffee twice a week, Shinsuke thought he was brilliant.

Aran was beautiful, kind, and thoughtful. He was Shinsuke’s best friend. Aran was the single most beautiful person Shinsuke could say he’d ever met.

“I love you…” Shinsuke breathed, the words spilled out without thought or intention. He froze, pressing his eyes shut so he wouldn’t see any reaction and tried to pull away. This wasn’t the time or the place, it most certainly was not the right headspace.

A featherlight touch graced his cheek and for a moment he thought he imagined it. As if a fox had run past, that half touch the only sign of his existence.

“I know, Shinsuke.” Aran said and Shinsuke wanted to insist he didn’t know . Because if he did then why was he being so kind and considerate? Why hadn’t he just told Shinsuke before all of this and told him not to be an absolute idiot and give up on not only the only person Shinsuke ever wanted to spend his life waking up beside but his best friend ?

“Shin,” Aran’s voice shifted to gently admonish as if he could hear the thoughts in Shinsuke’s mind, “whatever thing you’re thinking, stop. This isn’t a matter to regret. I’m here now . That’s all that matters. You’re not one to get caught up in the past, don’t let me change that after twenty eight years.”

“I’m sorry.” The words were a croak that Shinsuke hated, revealing how weak he was, how tired, how lonely. “I’m sorry I can’t… Not right now, I shouldn’t have said anything-”

“C’mon.” Aran didn’t bother to ask this time, moving to tug Shinsuke further down the hall, past the boys’ room. The boys.

Just thinking on how much he’d failed them hurt. His boys. All of his boys. He’d hurt all of them in one day and Shinsuke couldn’t find a grip. Nothing felt solid except Aran and the pressure of Lady against his leg.

Shinsuke didn’t put up a fight at all, allowing himself to be guided back to the bedroom. He made the last two steps by himself, falling face first into the comforter with his legs hanging off.

“Should I just leave you there then?” Aran teased gently before he was sliding his arms under Shinsuke and moving him properly into the center of the bed and sitting beside him. Shinsuke moved to sit up, only to hear a patter of paws and then the weight of a fifty pound poodle on his legs.

“Gods- Lady, off the bed. You’re not allowed on other people’s beds.” Aran moved to push her off before Shinsuke reached for his hand this time.

“It’s okay, she can stay on my bed I really don’t mind.” Shinsuke told him, blinking up into the familiar gaze. “Really… She helps.”

“Okay… Atleast she doesn’t shed.” Aran sighed, reaching down to scratch at her cheek before she laid her head down over the back of Shinsuke’s knee.

Aran shifted until he was lying on his back beside him. He turned his head to meet Shinsuke’s gaze and almost laughed at Shinsuke’s quirked eyebrow.

“Is… Is this one of those things that happens in Oomimi’s rom coms?” He asked slowly and Aran actually snorted, nodding.

“Yes, this is exactly like those stupid rom coms… Stop distracting me, bad Shinsuke. Talk about your feelings for once.” Aran murmured, voice softening again and Shinsuke ached.

“Haven’t I said enough? Haven’t I ruined enough lives tonight?”

“ You haven’t ruined anything. ‘Cept maybe your sheets with Lady’s nails, they’re due for a trim.” Aran said, keeping it just light enough that Shinsuke hurt more but could feel himself relaxing regardless. “Hey.”

Shinsuke watched him shift closer, reaching up to stroke Shinsuke’s cheek and hesitating just over his cheek bone. Waiting. Endlessly waiting for Shinsuke to let him have anything, Aran would wait eons for just a touch.

“Just for tonight, Shinsuke. Nothing that happens tonight has to continue in the morning. Tonight you can cry and scream, anything you need.”

“Nothing has to continue in the morning.” Shinsuke repeated, eyes flicking down. “What if I asked you to kiss me?”

“Shin.” There was a touch of admonishment and Shinsuke wanted to curl in on himself before the fingertips finally made it to his cheek. “Do you really think I would lie to you? About that of all things?”

“That of all things?” Shinsuke murmured, not really able to stop himself from repeating.

“Shinsuke, I’ve never gone back on my word and I don’t intend to start now. Besides, it’s not as if you don’t know I’ve loved you for almost thirteen years now. Waiting for you is perfectly fine with me, if you want me to kiss you and forget it tomorrow morning I can do that.”

“... You never said anything.” Shinsuke didn’t look away, couldn’t. He didn’t want to lose sight of Aran for a second. The fingertips on his cheek were soft, too soft, and Shinsuke felt like Aran was one blink from disappearing.

One blink, one moment of letting Aran drift a touch too far and Shinsuke feared he would wake to a world where Aran never returned to him. One where he would awaken with tears on his face and an empty heart, dregs of dreams turned into nightmarish thoughts. A world where it wasn’t just Aran missing, but the entirety of this last upheaval in his life. No boys, no laughter, no shopping trips and family dinners, no Akagi making him laugh and Oomimi holding him up on skates.

A world where Shinsuke was just as he thought he wanted to be.

In control of everything and so terribly, terribly alone.

“Shinsuke.” There was that smile again, sad but affectionate. Voice deep and so familiar like Shinsuke was coming home. Just Shinsuke’s name was enough to make him feel like his chest was cracking and his heart was healing. It was so much and far too little.

“I have been telling you how much I love you, from the day we met, with far fewer words.” Aran’s fingers traced down his cheeks, and Shinsuke felt the tension bleed out. “And I will be telling you until the day we can no longer meet. Then I will find you and start again.”

A sob ripped out of Shinsuke’s chest before he even realized it was building. Two more followed before his eyes were too blurry to see and he reached for Aran desperately as his eyes pinched shut. Strong arms wrapped around him and the bed rocked as Aran moved closer, pulling Shinsuke onto his chest as much as he could without disturbing Lady.

Shinsuke clung to him, another harsh cry ripping from him as tears poured down his face. Everything seemed desperate to escape.

The hidden fear of the business failing. The terror of the boys hating him. The pain of knowing he still couldn’t have Aran even knowing they loved each other. The idea that the twins could be hurt over and over again because Shinsuke failed them. The guilt that rolled in his stomach knowing that Oomimi would blame himself for all of this, for not checking better on Rika. The pain of knowing Akagi would bear the burden of Shinsuke’s break, thinking it was his own fault for not returning home more and seeing it coming. The horrifying, terrifying, disgusting idea that if all of this ended and things went back to before, he would be so alone.

Not once did Aran’s hands leave him, not once did the steady heartbeat stutter.

“I’m sorry.” The words hissed out, over and over again like a prayer that Shinsuke never wanted to memorize.

“What did I tell you about apologizing?” Aran murmured into his hair, lips brushing over the strands and making Shinsuke shudder.

“Dunno… Wasn’t listenin’... just listenin’ to your voice.” Shinsuke admitted, keeping his eyes closed as he pressed against the firm chest. His fingers curled in Aran’s shirt, clinging to him desperately. Lips pressed against his head and Shinsuke sighed, trying to keep absolutely everything from spilling out.

He couldn’t.

Word after word, if poured from him like a waterfall. Powerful and dangerous, secrets Shinsuke hadn’t even realized he had. Fears so entwined in Shinsuke’s being he had forgotten that others didn’t know they even existed. Everything fell, hissed and whispered again a warm heart beat and endless comfort.

Exhaustion seemed to creep over him like a blanket, but the idea of sleeping and waking alone was too much to bear.

“Shin.. Gods, how long have you had this bottled up? Didn’t I tell you before? You forget you need coping mechanisms too… Try talking with someone if one of us isn’t available. You have a lot of friends who would do anything for you.” Aran murmured, fingers tracing endless designs over Shinsuke’s back as he moved his head to be able to look into Shinsuke’s face. “Open your eyes, Shin, you need to talk, not fall asleep.”

Shinsuke wanted to insist that he’d just done far too much talking and that he wasn’t planning on ever doing something so emotionally draining again. But he was tired and Aran’s voice was sweet with love and care, so much kinder than his own inner voice reminding him that it was his job to take care of the others not Aran’s. Aran’s voice was a light in the dark, a beacon guiding him home and Shinsuke never wanted to lose sight of it, already craving the smile that always seemed to whisper ‘I love you.’

There it was. The moment Shinsuke opened his eyes, that gorgeous smile that had been telling Shinsuke everything he needed to know about where Aran’s heart was for years.

There was so much in thirteen years that Aran had done so naturally that Shinsuke never really thought about it. So much that he had done in return that he hadn’t thought about because it was Aran. What wouldn’t he do for him?

Why wouldn’t he hold his hand at their first shrine visit together when Aran had forgotten his gloves? Why wouldn’t Aran always tuck Shinsuke into his jacket when the wind took them by surprise? Why wouldn’t Shinsuke sit by his side for hours when his first dog died? Why wouldn’t Aran travel almost three hundred miles to hold him when his Grandmother fell ill? Why wouldn’t Shinsuke drop everything into the hands of a coworker he’d known for a week, to fly across the country and see with his own eyes that Aran was okay after an accident?

Why wouldn’t Shinsuke finally give in? When everything was right there, so close and so tempting. When the pieces fit, already crafted and molded together. Two giant puzzles, beautiful and challenging on their own, but combined were so much greater.

Why couldn’t Shinsuke say anything?

“You can say it.” Aran whispered, endless understanding in deep brown eyes.

“I can’t.” The words struggled to come out after the flood he’d just given. “I can’t do anything with the words.”

“You have to start listening to me for once, you might find that I know what I’m talking about on occasion.” Aran chided, familiar in all it’s nagging glory. Shinsuke wasn’t sure when the last time he was on the receiving end of it was but it was nice all the same.

“I told you. One night. Tonight. You are not Kita Shinsuke, shop owner and foster parent. You are Kita Shinsuke, held down by a dog and a giant idiot with a huge crush on a… pretty great guy who understands that you’re not ready for a romantic relationship.”

“... I can’t believe this entire time I’ve had a huge crush on Azumane and nobody told me.”

“How can you be crying and still manage to be a little shit? How does that even work? You’re cryin’ Shin, and you’re trying to harass me of all people?” Aran’s face was filled with wild bewilderment and Shinsuke only managed a few seconds before he was bursting into laughter.

Aran laughed with him, chest shaking under him but Shinsuke just laid against it. Like the spring warmth after winter, laughter felt so much better now. A reminder that they weren’t just sad moments built up with pain, no matter how much it felt like that now. Pain was a part of growing but that wasn’t all there was, never had been.

“I missed your laugh. I missed you Shin.” Aran said, and for a heartbeat panic welled in Shinsuke’s chest. Then he let it go with a sigh, moving to rest his chin on Aran’s chest instead, blinking slowly at him like a content cat.

“... You’re not wrong… I’m not ready for a romantic relationship. I don’t… I don’t understand them, not really. Kids I understand, it hurts… knowing what I’ve done and how I’ve hurt them, but I understand the boys. I know how to help them, how to keep them healthy and listen to them, I know how to make sure they’re safe and how to comfort them if they get injured… But…” There was no judgement in Aran’s eyes and that was the only thing pushing Shinsuke forward. “But romantic relationships I don’t know, and I don’t have the time or… honestly the will to learn how to do one. Not right now… If… If the boys forgive me, then they’re all I want to focus on.

But you’re…. Aran you’re like home. It’s so easy with you, beyond kissing I can’t even say anything would change really… But I would know it changed, I would know I owe you more time and attention and… emotional support. I would be making a commitment to you that I don’t intend to keep. Not when the twins are the other choice and I only have the ability to handle one right now. Maybe when… I.. when the boys are older, and they don’t need constant emotional support to survive, then we can give something a try. But I can’t promise you anything.”

“I know. But I can.” Aran hummed deep in his chest and Shinsuke wanted to fall asleep to the vibrations. “I can promise you that I won’t push you, I’ll help with the boys just like Akagi and Oomimi, I’ll be here if you’re ever ready. I’m not looking for romance. Don’t tell Akagi because I refuse to deal with his questions, but it’s not like I haven’t dated in the past ten years. Even with volleyball… I dated within volleyball and out… and no matter what I never found anyone I could say I would be willing to commit to for the next eighty years. With everyone else I wasn’t willing to work out all our problems, or give my all for their happiness. It wasn’t fair to them and it wouldn’t be fair to anyone further down. Love is a commitment and a promise and the only one I’m willing to offer that to is you. And if you can never accept then I’m fine with that, Shin. ‘Cuz I’m still your best friend and I fully intend on harassing you for the rest of both of our lives and then quite a bit after that.”

“Aran…”

“I love you, Shinsuke. As a friend and as a lover, but whatever we are is up to you.” Aran said and Shinsuke let his head fall to the side, focusing on the smooth heartbeat, steady and strong. Of course he had to go and fall for the one guy who would actually promise to wait eighty years and then some more just to see if Shinsuke would finally be ready for him.

“I don’t… Just… for tonight… Can you stay with me? Like this.” Shinsuke said, tugging on the shirt before pausing. “Or y’know, without that part.”

“I cannot believe you. I’m pouring my heart out to ya and you’re teasing me.” There was nothing but adoration and humor in Aran’s eyes and Shinsuke knew the tease was alright. Their old boundaries still applied, which was to say hardly any at all.

“So you’re sleeping in the shirt then?”

Aran grumbled something in french, probably rude, before he was sliding out from under Shinsuke and heading towards the closet.

“I’m takin’ your sweat pants and if I stretch ‘em out I’m keepin’ them.” Aran yawned, accent thickening with exhaustion. A weight started to settle on Shinsuke’s body as he realized how late it was, nearing one a.m. and they’d both been up since five.

Guilt rolled in Shinsuke’s stomach but before it could build, Aran was already back in the bed, pulling up the covers and climbing in. He snapped his fingers for Lady’s attention and pat his own legs.

She eyed him for a moment before Shinsuke started to move and she finally jumped off and settled on her owner’s knees. Shinsuke barely managed to stumble over to the dresser and strip off his clothing and pull on clean pajamas before he was making his way back and burrowing under the blankets.

He didn’t hesitate to move directly over to Aran, tucking himself between Aran’s chest and arm. He moved his head to rest over his heart, the steady thump nearly putting him to sleep immediately.

Gentle fingers stroked through his hair and he sighed, cracking open his eyes again. He shifted, giving up his comfortable spot to lean just over Aran. Amusement and curiosity danced in his eyes, as the hand drifted down from his hair to the back of his neck.

Shinsuke hummed, leaning down only to hesitate.

“Promise you won’t hate me in the morning?” He asked, because Aran never broke promises. A promise from Aran was like a fact of life. Something that Shinsuke could rely on no matter what happened, constant and consistent.

“I promise.” Aran breathed, leaning up just enough to bump their noses together. Shinsuke couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face, even as tiredness tugged at him and his eyes burned from crying, he just wanted to stay like this forever. In Aran’s arms, smiling like everything would be okay.

Shinsuke kissed him, sighing against the warm lips that slid together like they’d been doing this for years. He wasn’t expecting fireworks, that’d always sounded ridiculous and honestly a bit weird to hear loud explosions from a kiss. But there was still... something. Not a spark, but a pleasant warmth that washed over him as their lips moved slowly, gently. Just like the rest of him, Aran’s lips felt like home, like Shinsuke was right where he belonged. Drawing him in and sapping any remaining tension from him with a familiarity that defied the newness of the arrangement.

Shinsuke could feel his ears burning and the twist in his stomach as he pulled back an inch. He was almost pleasantly surprised to realize he was nervous. That was new but not unwelcome, not when it came to Aran atleast.

Aran leaned up just enough to kiss him again, the hand on his neck just drawing Shinsuke back down into it again. Shinsuke didn’t bother to count them, though he suspected Aran was probably cataloging them all. By the time they kissed again, Shinsuke probably would barely remember how the first one felt beyond the rush of adrenaline and the warm settling of contentment in his stomach.

A yawn broke it up, catching Shinsuke’s tooth on Aran’s nose as he pulled up too sharply. He whined tiredly, scrubbing at blurry, dry eyes. He let them droop for a moment and Aran took advantage to tug him back down into his arms. This time Shinsuke was tucked under his head, arm wrapped around his waist.

Lady was instantly back on Shinsuke’s legs, like she was aware she was now allowed to interrupt without being shooed off.

“S’ch a good girl.” Shinsuke yawned as he reached down to pet her. “Tra’ned her really good.”

“I know, Shin… Get some sleep, we’ll deal with things as they come okay? Starting with tomorrow.”

“Mm… ‘Slong as you’re still my best friend… I’ll be just fine… Aran? One more promise?” Shinsuke mumbled into Aran’s pec, splaying his hand over his stomach. His tired brain was more than a little amused at the difference of their skin, tracing his finger over the small scars from the years. A few he knew, a few he didn’t but all rather thick or long compared to Shinsuke’s own tiny nicks on his fingers from fabric scissors and needles. It honestly wasn’t fair, Aran had absolutely no right to look as gorgeous as he did.

“Shin, are you going to keep talking to my abs or are you going to finish your sentence?” Aran tried not to laugh, he really did but tired Shinsuke was almost as much of a blabber mouth as drunk Shinsuke. Aran found it far too amusing watching him mumble about how hot Aran was to Aran’s own chest.

Shinsuke used to wax poetry about his skin tone when they were drunk their first few years out of highschool, often followed by admiration of his arms or face. Once, Aran even managed to get him to admit he was jealous Aran could grow decent facial hair. Aran had no idea how Shinsuke had come to the conclusion that Aran didn’t know he was in love with him. He wasn’t very subtle at the best of times.

“Shh… I need ya to promise me… Ya won’t take Lady away… I love Lady. She’s m’ dog.” Shinsuke grumbled as he snuggled in closer.

“She’s not… but okay, I promise I won’t take Lady away.” Aran hummed, pressing a kiss to Shinsuke’s head. “Sleep well, Shin.”

#fluff #HQ #haikyuu #Arankita #Ojiro Aran #Kita Shinsuke #Fanfiction #Making a home au

28 notes · View notes

ourrightside · 5 years ago

Text

10 Reasons Why Carrie Bradshaw Wasn’t THAT Bad...

Sex and the City is the most elite series I’ve ever watched - and I was so excited to purchase the first season when I turned 18.

I would listen to my mom and my sister gossip about the show when I was younger and feel so left out. But, my mom would refuse to let me watch it until I became an adult. Thank god.

Being an avid fan now, I sometimes scan through Sex and the City articles on the net, and can’t help but notice dozens of articles filled with ‘Carrie’ slander - which kind of makes me nervous.

Although it was true that years ago girls were labeling themselves as the ‘Carrie’, ‘Samantha’ and ‘Charlotte’ of the group - the serious and less glamorous friend got stuck with being a ‘Miranda’; it is kind of an insult now to be deemed as a Carrie.

As we all matured, we realized that being a Miranda is amazing and we should all strive to be just as successful - but Carrie Bradshaw is still a valid character and I’m here to prove why the “sexual anthropologist” is not all that bad.

Now before I dive into why I totally get Carrie Bradshaw, I would just like to point out before hand that I am aware that she is just a fictional character and hopefully you are too. If you are not informed, then I apologize for this harsh revelation. However, let’s continue.

1. She was average looking

While we can all agree that her physique only gets stronger and leaner throughout the series, she was still not exactly perfect looking. Despite her fit body, she was not model like or necessarily tall. She did not have a perfect nose. She did not have the biggest ‘lady parts’. She did not have the plumiest lips. She did not have perfect facial symmetry.

But, she was okay with it. And has mentioned that by the age of 30, she was over being uncomfortable with her looks and decided to move on.

Despite constantly bumping into models and having to accept that men can be total “modelizers” - especially in the capital of the world aka manhattan, she chose to embrace her natural beauty, which in turn has allowed her to walk the runway in her underwear.

2. She was selfish

Yes, the new trend is to be selfish and say no - because that is ‘self love’.

If that truly is the case, then there was no denying then that Carrie was selfish throughout the series.

As human beings, we are selfish by nature. But since we now identify ourselves in societies with expected norms and values, being selfish disqualifies you sometimes from your environment. To avoid being lonely, we try to let go of being selfish or at least hide our selfish traits.

Unfruitfully so, our selfish instincts at times fail us - exposing our true colors. And whenever that happens, people aren’t too afraid of pointing out what you did wrong. It doesn’t make us necessarily evil, just makes us human.

To avoid being Freudian in this post, let’s just sum up that Carrie is harmlessly selfish at times - that includes being late to every event, asking her friend Susan Sharon if she could trade in her cashmere sweater birthday gift for cash, accepting a pair of 600$ shoes from her other super rich friend, and cutting off Charlotte’s possible infertility problem discussion to talk about her Manolos.

The list goes on, I mean - this is just classic Bradshaw behavior. However, this character cannot be deemed as bad. She was just under the spotlight, and if we were under it too, we would find out that we do have these moments as well without realizing it. We are not perfect. However, Carrie does reflect on her mistakes often, which is something we should be doing more.

Sometimes, her selfish tendencies can really get out of hand.

It was not okay when she got angry at Charlotte who did not offer to lend her money after she blew it all off on Manolo Blahnik shoes instead of rent. It was not okay when she threw away Aiden down the drain. It was not okay when she slept with a married man, even if it was ‘Mr. Big’.

We cannot shame her though because we all have hidden skeletons in our closets...it’s up to you however to peak in and see which faults make it or break it for you.

3. She was a working woman

No offense to chastity ball princess Charlotte, who wanted to be a housewife to any rich man who crossed path with her, Carrie Bradshaw was by all means an ‘all star’ business woman. Despite being unconventional unlike Samantha Jones (PR executive) and Miranda Hobbes (Harvard-graduate Lawyer), Carrie Bradshaw was a restless woman that worked in multiple fields all at once despite being so undermined.

She had so many tasks to tackle all at once while juggling multiple projects. She ran around between the fields of Journalism, Content Marketing and Public Relations. She was able to get invited into all the ‘fabulous’ events and meetings because of the hard work she invested in all by herself as a freelancer who lived in a huge place like New York. Carrie finally reached her goal at the age of 40, which was working at Vogue. She even wrote multiple books as well.

4. She was unconventional

Despite the show running in the early 90s, Carrie Bradshaw decided to be a sex columnist. She never gave up on her weird unconventional job and was proud of her career despite the looks or comments people would make. She had a weird exterior in addition to how upfront she was about the physical makings of life.

In addition, Carrie did not believe in marriage until she became a fiancée at the age of 40. She traded in a ring for a pair of shoes and a walk-in closet, unlike most women, who would rather get married in their mid 20 to early 30s with a huge rock on their finger.

5. She was struggling at adulting

Carrie Bradshaw had a deluded concept of adulting that at least most of us had or still struggle with. She was not a healthy adult with financial stability and a well thought out regime. However, she still managed to be fabulous.

She had poor dieting habits, which made her sometimes skip dinner to buy Vogue instead. She believed that shopping and gossiping were the best types of cardio. She was not the cleanest and had a messy apartment at most times. She did not care about the way her living space looked like, which she later on freaked out about in fear of being judged as an imperfect adult according to Mr Big. She paid so much on shoes that she could no longer afford her rent. She believed that investments must be seen in her closet. She drank at least six dollars worth of coffee per day. She would smoke and drink way too much for a thirty year old woman.

6. She was a good friend

Carrie Bradshaw had so many friends that it almost put her PR bestie Samantha to shame. To be honest, Carrie may have not been a perfect friend, but she was as good as it gets realistically.

What made her so realistic in her friendships was her ability to be there for most of her friends’ hardships. She had her ups and downs with her empowered female group because sometimes they would feel like she was too problematic and vice versa. For the most part, it is impossible to be as passionate to your friends as you once were the first time you guys met. But what makes a friend a good one is that they never voluntarily try to find excuses to leave you behind.

Carrie’s love towards her friends in her good and bad times showed that she valued them like family.

7. She was lost

Carrie was probably more lost than she would have liked to be. She had a tendency to dwell on what should have been and could have been. We all have regrets and sometimes she voiced hers out more than other characters within the show. She would sometimes yearn over the years that passed by her. She even went to extremes such as dating a college boy just to remember what it was like to ‘just kiss’. Rookie Mistake, Carrie.

Just like Carrie, as time goes by at any age, we look back at the spur of events that created our timeline and take note sometimes of which events we deem as either life-changing, traumatizing or both.

8. She was experimental

She may not have been as promiscuous as her friend Samantha, but she was unarguably adventurous in all aspects of her life. Although the most obvious aspect may have been her outfits, her wild colors and funny textural accessories were just a preview on how eccentric Carrie Bradshaw truly was. She mentioned that her younger years were a genuine pursuit of fun in every shape or form, which most twenty-something-year-olds cannot deny.

She emphasized that she fears living life as a cautious person because of the hurt she has endured. However, she truly defined throughout the show what it means to be eccentric, empowering the ones who fail the experiments of life to get back on their feet.

9. She was flawed

Carrie Bradshaw believed in the glass half full rather than half empty throughout the series. Despite being unbearably flawed to the point where her friends no longer wanted to listen to her problems, she decided to see a shrink which is something that would have been especially socially-unacceptable in the 90s. Carrie still overcame her mental issues and found other remedies which in turn has led her into accepting the way things played out.

As we grow up, we, like Carrie, need a little bit of help in order to realize that temporary issues will fade away into lessons and the permanent ones that are out of our control can be accessorized into our lives accordingly to the way that we want it to look like.

10. She was in love

Her love towards Mr Big was illogical - almost completely insane. But what made her character so special was the fact that she never continued her relationship with Aiden because she knew deep down that it was Mr Big all along and never gave up on it; despite all the signs that kept telling her that he was bad for her. He was at the time indeed bad news, which made her feelings towards him fluctuate between love and hate.

Now, the psychology behind her and Mr Big does not justify why you should call your ex right now so put your phone down, but it is something to think about.

Carrie took the road not taken for most women, especially during the 90s where gender roles in love where still a bit rigid. While it is true that it is always easier to date lovers who make the effort to chase you rather than pursuing it yourself, the easiness does not create the ‘fairytale love’ that most of us strive for.

Carrie once described her love towards him as a crash rather than a crush. But if something deep down is telling you that someone is your person, shouldn’t that account for something? Shouldn’t we all just go for ‘ ridiculous, inconvenient, time-consuming can’t-live-without-each-other love’, and get it right just like she did?

- Nina xx (yasminasayyid)

58 notes · View notes

kendrixtermina · 5 years ago

Text

Sorry but hearing ppl say “I would like CF more if Edelgard was either treated like a full-on villain or as a manipulated groomed victim of TWSITD who had no choice” and just generally seeing ppl trying to shoehorn her into one of those two takes, it’s hard not to think the words “Madonna Whore complex”

I kinda abhorr the latter more than the former (Not the crowd calling her Hitler and clown-emojis, but I’ll take someone who considers something she actually did a moral dealbreaker over someone who defends her because “she’s just lashing out cause she’s traumatized”.. That’s Dimitri. you’re describing Dimitri.) because it goes against everything her character is about, which is mostly:

a) A tendency to think in the big picture, focussed on mainly the end result, especially on the temporal axis (”The nobility system has only existed for 1400 years”, “This is all part of the ebb and flow of history”, “This is the path that leads to the least casualties in the long run”)

She’s always playing the long game - so dealing with the Agarthans later (once the church is taken care of) is the same as dealing with them now. She never went against the church instead of them, she’s playing them against each other.

b) A rejection of tradition as a reason to keep things the way they are

c) An emphasis on self-reliance and proactivity instead of surrendering yourself to your circumstances. See the speeches she gives to Petra and Lysithea.

She generally believes in ppl’s agency, she gives everyone an out, and likewise her generals and the non-recruited ppl are all shown as believing in her cause (Something even Seteth notes) - they’re fighting to abolish hereditary Feudalism and clamp down on corruption. You’re fighting a bunch of people who wanna abolish Feudalism and Theocracy.

Claude wants the same but he’s hiding it because he thinks he can avoid confrontations that way (There’s pros and cons to both their approaches, and I’m not saying that Dimitri or Seteth are bad, either, especially not in the context of the world they live in)

She’s basically a Nietzschean Superman but in the original sense not the cheap bastardized version mixed up with pseudoscientific misunderstandings of evolution: Someone who proactively lives according to their own beliefs regardless of the mainsteam in greater society.

And herein lies another factor, I think,like I’ve often noticed a tendency in modern fandom that people can’t seem to emphasize with anyone who isn’t in some way marked as an underdog - Leading ppl to argue that characters who are definitely not underdogs like , say, Tony Stark, are definitely underdogs.

Of course in reality things aren’t so simple that you could make a clean split into “underdogs” and “not underdogs” - Some ppl clearly demonstrably have it harder than others but ppl can have it hard in one way and have it easy in others. (Dimitri clearly struggles alot - but he’s also a king. One doesn’t negate the other.)

There’s nothing wrong with underdog stories, they can be very inspiring and cathartic - but they shouldn’t be the only kinds of stories.

Even the most powerful can see themselves as victims because we’re all just squishy meatsacks who can still be hurt, and even the most powerless might see themselves as in-control if that helps them feel better.

It also goes into the trolley problem and the human illogical tendency to view harm done through action as heavier than harm done through inaction. A tendency to not want to rock the boat, to confuse stability with peace.

There’s no difference between harm done through action vs inaction.

It’s at best, a failure of object permanence - to understand that things still happen and change even if you dont act - and at worst selfish pride and ego (I want to keep MY hands clean I don’t care if people are suffering and dying as long as no one can say it’s my fault... the counterproductive puritanical idea of morality as “good person vs bad person”)

This leads to this attitude where if they can think of someone as a “victim” then it doesn’t matter what they do, because, after all, it was just circumstance, but the moment someone makes an active, deliberate choice, all empathy goes out the window and they’re held to some impossible standard.

For the opposite extreme, see Dimitri (mind you I’m not saying he should be judged either im saying that mindlessly hating both is equally nonsensical... the dimitri haters are fewer but they do exist), or worse, Rhea... who regardless of her backstory has objectively been in a position of power and privilege for a literal thousand years. You know Dedue and Seteth are right there? )

Something similar is to be said about ppl who call “bad writing” or “waifu-ism”, or consider her a “manchild” because she... opens up around people she trusts? Expresses relief when an ally validates her in a moment of self-doubt? Gets into comical situations in everyday life? That’s just kinda consequence of living in close-quarters with her.

“How dare you not fit into “misguided victim” vs “ridiculous bitch” dichotomy don’t remind me that some character I don’t like is a human being”

They pressed that any deviation from that is “ridiculous” or “extreme”. Tell me again that someone who’s consistently calm, collected and intellectually-inclined is a “manchild” for telling her closest ally that she would like to take a day off sometimes and liking stuffed animals.

I for once really like that she’s tough and proactive and makes decisions that really impact the plot without being a flat over the top amazonian stock character with no emotion other than “grrr! men dumb” which is then never taken seriously as a threat.

Actually this part alone would not even preclude her from being a victim even Osama Bin Laden had a favorite color and liked disney movies. Hitler liked his dog. Stating this is just acknowledging simple facts, not saying that you should have sympathy for them (which for the record, you shouldn’t) - I think a work geared at ppl over 15 shouldn’t have to explicitly remind you that “this is an evil person” every time one shows up, people can distinguish for themselves, and those who can’t won’t be convinced by a video game. No one can “make” you like or empathize with a fictional chracter peeps.

#edelgard von hresvelg #edelgard #fe3h #fire emblem: three houses #fire emblem three houses

117 notes · View notes

kinetic-elaboration · 4 years ago

Text

January 27: 2x04 Mirror Mirror

Had some technical difficulties but finally managed to watch Mirror Mirror. (Now I’m very tired.)

I see these aliens are more intense pacifists than Spock.

When Kirk says “But we won’t [force you], consider that,” right over his shoulder and into camera, it looks like he’s posing for a commercial.

Ah ha, the Classic Transporter Accident. (Aka how that became a classic trope lol.)

I love that they zero in on Spock’s beard first thing, like that’s the weirdest part of this universe.

Oh no, the agonizer!

So my big question is: do all the ISS Captains wear that gold vest or is it a Kirk thing? I just find it very funny that the men in the mirrorverse wear about the same amount of clothing as in the regular universe, and the ladies wear a lot less...and then there’s Kirk, conspicuously showing off his arms. Vests are NOT regulation!

When does he get a chance to record his log? And wouldn’t it be... recorded in the mirrorverse?

Kirk’s salute is hilarious. Uh, yeah, salute and wave, I guess??

He’s really focused on Spock. “Another ship. Another Spock.”

Kirk’s patented reassuring upper arm grab.

Uhura on the bridge! You can’t tell she’s nervous because she’s brave and strong.

This episode, and to a lesser extent The Naked Time, are why I think Sulu has a thing for her. I know it’s a different universe, but I still think it’s true.

Kirk’s salute is getting better. More confident.

He just doesn’t know how to be evil. He’s too good, too pure.

Hmmm, Security Chief Sulu? He really does have a lot of interests.

I wonder what Vulcan is like in this universe. They are still clearly post-Reform. But more ruthless. Scarier. Probably meat eaters.

Damn little Chekov. Just waiting for his chance to mutiny.

Security Chief, like the Gestapo. Did not know that was what the reference was supposed to be.

Hmm, male computer voice. This MUST be an evil universe.

“I’m a doctor, not an engineer.”

Evil Kirk strikes again! Honestly, this scene of the ISS crew on the regular Enterprise might be my favorite in the whole ep. Yet again obsessed with Spock’s facial hair. And Spock is obviously just loving it. “I find it extremely interesting.”

I think Kirk and Spock BOTH know what would buy Spock.

“I should regret your death.” I mean that’s basically a love confession. I love how they depict the K and S relationship in the mirrorverse. The subtle ways in which they’re still a team.

Spock would absolutely have killed Chekov for trying to kill Kirk.

I find evil!Spock the most convincing of all of this universe. I think he simultaneously feels true to the original character, and is also obviously of this universe, and that’s a pretty impressive feat.

“Terror must be maintained or the Empire is doomed.” Print that on a t-shirt.

“Conquest is easy. Control is not.” A lot of the mirror verse is over the top cartoony villainy but this is a very good point, and this scene in general is super interesting and subtle.

Kirk is so tunred on by that conversation with Spock. Like even in these circumstances, he still looks at Spock like he’s in love.

Hmmm, I like Marlena.

Of course evil!Kirk has an on-ship girlfriend, which good!Kirk would never do.

Evil!Spock is still very loyal, so much for all that “I would be a formidable enemy” stuff lol. “You’ll never find another man like him.” Too true.

Of course there’s some plundered alien tech plot device. I actually think that’s an interesting twist in a way... of course the ISS wouldn’t care about stealing, and so some...interesting artifacts might find their way onto starships.

Spock is upset he wasn’t included in this landing party meeting.

Hmmm, Sulu already wants to be Captain.

WHAT? SPOCK HAS OPERATIVES? VULCAN OPERATIVES? WHO ARE THEY? I MUST KNOW MORE. (Is one of them T’Pring?)

Marlena’s Starfleet uniform was hotter than this...paisley nightgown thing.

She’s so dramatic. Kirk is busy one time and she’s like well! I guess we’re over! Transfer me to another ship!

Another Captain Kirk arm grab moment.

I love how literally no one was surprised by that Uhura and Sulu moment on the bridge. “I’ve changed my mind again whoops.”

I can’t believe getting kicked once and then knocked on the head would almost kill Spock lol--seems like probably he might just have a concussion?--but I do like the concept of McCoy risking being left behind to help him. (And Kirk signing off on it because duh.) McCoy is just so good hearted.

Captain Sulu strikes again. Everyone has their own agenda lol. So many obstacles when everyone’s just out for himself.

Haha well that solved that. Zap zap zap and they’re gone.

As suspected, Spock recovered pretty fast. And he goes straight for the mind meld, obviously. That does seem pretty evil of him.

And another obstacle lol. I like that Kirk says Marlena can’t come with them because they can only bring 4 people because of the Calculations, even though... like surely he should already be able to guess there’s another Marlena in his universe and she can’t exactly replace a person who already exists? That would be bad.

Damn Uhura, saving the day again and looking damn fine doing it.

“I must have my Captain back.” Not even subtle about it. He MUST.

The Empire is illogical because it cannot endure.

Is Kirk literally asking this Spock to overthrow his other self and become Captain?

Also...is Marlena going to attach herself to the new Captain?? What does she think of all this?

This is probably one of the best end-of-episode bridge banter scenes in the series. “If I read my Spocks correctly.” Spock is a bit of a pirate. (I think Sarek would agree.) Spock loving the evil humans. Being jealous of Marlena. Kirk probably wondering how Mirror!Kirk and his Spock got along.

I think this is a really great episode, obviously, and I liked all of the intrigue. I thought the double, triple, quadruple crossing was really well plotted. Marlena is one of the better Love Interests and I thought she was really compelling. I LOVED Mirror Spock, and the general characterization of and subtleties to both Spocks. Mirror Sulu was interesting (what does he say about real Sulu I wonder?) and of course we got great Uhura moments and a good Bones moment too. I thought Kirk was interesting in this ep also, not quite confronting his evil side like in The Enemy Within, but...well I do think that was a part of him, the inferred characterization of mirror!Kirk, ambitious, single-minded--”inflexible, disciplined once you’ve made up your mind”--isn’t so outrageous or hard to understand.

I think the weakness of the ep is in the Mirror verse itself. It’s always struck me as a bit too cartoon-villain-y, painted in too broad strokes. Everyone wants to use violence to gain power. If deaths are so common, how has anyone survived this long lol? They allude to this sometimes--Spock not wanting command because it makes him a target, Kirk telling Spock the Empire is wasteful and ultimately unsustainable and thus illogical--but that just invites scrutiny under which the premise doesn’t hold. Imo, an organization like the Empire could never have lasted as long as or become as powerful as the Federation. As Kirk says, control is harder than conquest. I’m not even sure that all of the planets of the Federation could have come together in an Empire, and any allegiance would be very unstable. In other words, I don’t think “the Federation but make it evil” is even a sustainable premise.

Also, while people surely do crave power for the sake of power, I... tend to need a little more in my villainous characterization. Like, when I see that kind of villain, I always think of Price in Mr. Robot: “Every room I’m in, I ask myself ‘am I the most powerful person here?’ and I don’t stop until the answer is always yes.” That really is the core of him--and yet he’s still a subtle villain. That’s kind of the standard for me, I think. To put it another way, maybe the core of all villainy is just lust for power (and/or money) and maybe the best way to get power is brute strength, but the manifestations of evil are usually more subtle: some people who just want power, some people who have more narrow goals and can’t see the whole, many people who have been manipulated, and then just human ills like laziness, ineptitude, selfishness, short-sightedness. Only the most blunt of those traits and instruments really made it into the Mirror verse.

I would have liked to see the mirrorverse be more like... the mob.

...But it is only a 50 minute episode lmao.

Anyway, I find it very interesting that mirror!Spock has Vulcan operatives. His personal security guard is Vulcan, and taking these facts together, I think it’s safe to say that there are more Vulcan officers and enlisted on the ISS Enterprise than USS Enterprise. I’m not sure what to do with that but I find it very interesting. Is he more powerful on Vulcan? Is he more attuned to his Vulcan side? Are Vulcans more impressed with or deferential to him?

Anyway I am exhausted rn and I still have two more days this week so... off to bed. Next week’s ep is The Classic, The Apple.

#the year 2021 #2021: fandom thoughts #2021: star trek #star trek tos

1 note · View note