#but she’s just redownload them so what’s the point

[b-elizabeth-not-brassica]

I was talking to my mom about Amazon employee’s that have died due to Amazon’s negligence and overwork of their workers and when I told her to just look up that kind of thing. Like, type into Google, Amazon workers dead and see what pops up.

And you know what she did?

She pulled up the Fox News app and searched it up on there.

And then told me, there’s nothing here. You must be wrong. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

So

Idk what to do about that

That’s so…

And she tells me not to believe everything I hear and to check my sources.

And her google is fucking Fox News.

I don’t know how to reach through that willful consumption of propaganda about literally everything.

[reminiscingtonight]

Tech Support

Alexia Putellas & Putellas!Reader (Jana Fernández x Putellas!Reader)

Word Count: 1.2k

[WOSO Masterlist]

“So I am… supposed to click this?”

Alexia’s hand is swatted away at record speed before she can make contact with the screen.

“No, this one.”

Who would’ve thought. Captain of the country. Legend of your club. The La Reina may be feared by players worldwide, but even she could be beaten by something as simple as a new phone.

The two of you have been at this for a couple hours now.

When your sister first slid the box across the table at you, your eyes nearly bulged out of your head. You didn’t even have time to thank Alexia before she crushed your dreams right then and there. What you first thought was a present for you turned out to be a resigned plea for help.

As the resident tech genius you were high in demand. Last week it was setting up your mami’s tablet. Yesterday it was fixing Olga’s laptop. And today it seems to be Alexia’s turn.

Though now that you think about it, “genius” may be a stretch. It’s not until the third time you stop yourself from throwing Alexia’s phone at her that she lets it slip that Alba was actually her first call for help. It’s no surprise to hear that your middle sister was quick to refuse, given that the last time she helped Alexia set up a phone resulted in heated words and staunch refusal to speak to one another for two weeks.

Given that she’s your club captain the loss in communication is something you can’t risk, but you’ve always thought of yourself as gifted when it comes to technology. If you could teach your mami how to use facebook without spamming her personal page with posts about you and your sisters, surely helping Alexia transfer her data and set up a new phone would not be too hard of a challenge.

Oh how you’re wrong.

Though you’re only eight years younger than Alexia, she still manages to struggle as if she’s well into her nineties.

Ask if she’s backed up her data? Might as well have told her to recite the first fifteen digits of pi.

Ask if she’s taken note of the apps she needs to redownload? Might as well have asked if she knew the secret to happiness.

Tell her to grant certain apps permissions to her phone? Might as well have told her you were transferring to Real Madrid.

Ask her to re-sign back into her multitude of accounts? Might as well have asked her to transfer to Real Madrid.

If you had known just how teeth pulling this would be, you would have left Olga to deal with Alexia herself.

Despite your clear and well-informed instructions of what to click where, which settings to enable or disable, Alexia kept bulldozing through your words, thinking she knew better.

Spoiler, she did not.

Jana’s already been by to give you some words of encouragement, but after the fifth time you quietly asked if she could make up an excuse to drag you out, she hunkered down on a nearby couch with Olga. The two of them, traitors at heart, are having a blast watching some trashy reality tv show while you struggle away with Alexia.

At this point you’re one more question away from factory resetting Alexia’s new phone, but a promise from Olga to buy you lunch and a burning desire to prove to Alba that you’re a better teacher than she is leaves you clinging to the last piece of sanity you have.

After what seems like an eternity, Alexia finally sits back from where she’s been hunched over your shoulder, poking and prodding at her phone.

“I still don’t understand why I have to set up a passcode when I could just use my fingerprint to unlock everything.”

The only word capable of describing Alexia at this moment in time is brooding. Arms crossed, face drawn in a frown, your thirty-year-old sister is brooding over your insistence at setting a passcode.

You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “What if you’re at training and you need Mapi to pull up something from your phone while your hands are busy?”

Alexia huffs, smile on her face as she thinks she’s got you. “Simple, I would never trust Maria with my phone!”

“Ale!” you groan. “That’s not the point.”

She’s not wrong. The last person to mistakenly trust the blonde haired woman with their unlocked phone received the device back with fifteen added stories to their instagram account. Though that was on the tamer side of what the defender was capable of, no one’s really let her borrow their phone since.

You catch Jana’s twinkling eyes over the back of the couch as she shares a giggle with Olga.

“Okay, what if I get hurt on the pitch and you’re too busy consoling me? I’m sure Jana would appreciate being able to use your phone to call mami to let her know I’ve been hurt.”

Alexia rolls her eyes. “First, Jana already has mami’s phone number. Pretty sure she likes your girlfriend more than the both of us.”

The number of times Eli has called you just to ask if Jana would be coming over for a family dinner would be insulting if you weren’t smitten with the idea of your girlfriend having fit right into your own family. Though the two of you haven’t officially been together long, years of friendship meant Eli was more than delighted when she found out the two of you were together. It also meant she was quick to catch Jana up on any and all family events she was hosting.

“Also, that’s not a problem because mami never misses one of our games so she’d already be there!”

It’s almost as if Olga can see the steam coming out of your ears. She’s quick to walk over, rubbing you back apologetically before throwing an arm around Alexia’s shoulder.

“Would you please set one for me, amor? Sometimes I misplace my phone and yours is closer.”

It’s maddening the way Alexia instantly starts nodding like a lovesick puppy. She plucks the phone right out of your hands, swiping until she can get to the right screen.

From over Alexia’s shoulder Olga gives you a wink.

With her girlfriend wrapped tightly around her, you take your cue to exit.

Jana opens her arms wide and you enter willingly. The older girl chuckles when you instantly bury your face against her stomach, arms tightening around her legs.

“I wanna go home,” you grumble, ignoring the way you can feel the vibrations of Jana’s laughter.

“Don’t you wanna stay for lunch?”

As much as you loathe the hours wasted on Alexia, the promise of free sushi did sound pretty good. All you have in your fridge is some leftover pasta from the night before, and you’re never one to pass up free food.

“Hermanita, what’s this I’m seeing about unlocking my phone with my face?”

You stiffen.

On second thought, leftovers didn’t sound too bad.

[madi-writes-things]

Making The Bed (Johnie Guilbert X Reader)

Summary:

Pushing away all the people that know me the best…

Word Count: 1,415

TW: Passing Out, ED, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Self Deprecation, Self Destructive Thoughts and Actions, Avoiding Foods, Parties, Drinking, Johnnie Being a Supportive and Good Boyfriend, platonic!Jake Webber

A/N: this has been in my drafts for like three months. Sorry if it seems rushed or anything, I fell asleep halfway through writing it and finished when I woke up. 🫶

“”“”“”“”“”

Y/N’s POV

I stand in the bathroom, obsessively typing the calories from the meal I just ate into the calorie counter that I promised I wouldn’t redownload. I didn’t mean for it to get like this again, but here I am. It just started as a few missed snacks, which turned into meals, and it all snowballed into daily weigh-ins and days with no food. I stop by the mirror for a moment, and I regret it immediately… the second I see myself, I feel my stomach churn.

The worst part of this is the lying to the people close to me… I don’t push them away on purpose, it just makes it easier. On days where I don’t see Johnnie much, I’m able to go the whole day without eating. I know that he’ll find out eventually, but I can’t let it be now.

In an ironic way I find it funny how people on the internet find out what you struggle with, and do their best to make it worse. The only reason that I started skipping snacks, was because people started commenting on my weight gain. It’s not the people who praise me for looking healthier, the issue is the people who spew my worst fears in the comments.

I know in the back of my head, that I will lose everything I’ve worked for if I don’t stay skinny. Johnnie won’t want me, Jake won’t chose me over him, Tara won’t want someone like me as a friend, my fans will get tired of me once I’m not interesting to look at, my family wo-

I hear Johnnie lightly knock on the bathroom door, pulling me from my doom spiral. “you okay in there babe?”

Shit.

I quickly wipe my face off, leaving no trace of the tears that were spilled. “Yeah! Be out in just a second.” Sometimes I wonder if he knows, and he’s happy that I’m losing weight. No. He’s not like that.

“”“”“”“”“”

I think Jake knows…

He stared me down after making me lunch. I think he was trying to see if I actually ate it. He made pasta, and I cried in the bathroom for thirty minutes after leaving the table. I saw him staring at me anytime we were in the same room after that.

Now I’m climbing into his car with Johnnie and Tara, headed to an influencer party. I’m wearing a cute Tank + Cropped Hoodie with skeleton hand’s bedazzled on the tits, and a pair of high waisted jeans. I knew that going out was a bad idea, but I have to stay under Jake’s radar… if he says anything to Johnnie, I’m done for.

I offer to be designated driver when we pull up, there’s no way I’m drinking tonight. One shot of vodka is nearly 100 calories, and vodka is the lowest calorie alcohol I’ve found. Everyone agrees pretty easily.

“”“”“”“”“”

The party has been going on for hours, and all of my friends were pretty tipsy at this point. I decided to go sit with Tara a little bit ago, and now we’re talking about her latest hookup. “He was literally so pretty… and his dick was huge!” She nearly falls over laughing at my reaction. I tell her I’m going to grab a water from the cooler, and find the guys so we can head out.

The second I stand up, everything goes blurry for a second. Shit. I don’t think I’ve had anything to eat since Jake made me, and that was like three days ago. I reach out and steady myself on Tara’s shoulder, as she asks if I’m okay. I mutter a quick yes, as I start walking away. It’s takes a second for my eyes to focus again, but most people just seem to assume I’m drunk.

Once I find the guys, we head out. My head is pounding, and all I want is to get home and go straight to bed. Once we finally get to our room, Johnnie holds me tight in his arms as we drift to sleep.

“”“”“”“”“”

The party was two days ago, and while I know I shouldn’t, I took advantage of everyone’s hangovers. I still haven’t eaten or drank anything other than water. Every morning I wake up lighter than the day before, and I’m not risking gaining any weight at this point.

Today is different, Jake and Johnnie are wide awake. The guys have been filming all morning, and they asked me if I wanted to join them in a video… I obviously agreed. I’ve missed my boyfriend, and I doubt he’d notice anything while we’re out at target.

“”“”“”“”“”

We stopped at three different targets before finding one that would let us film, totaling about an hour and a half of driving around. We’ve been walking around this target for a while, but the lights are too bright and I can’t seem to make my brain work hard enough to figure out how long.

I’m standing in the board game isle when it happens. I see Johnnie’s face fall when he sees me. “Babe, are you okay? You look really pa…” I don’t even hear the full sentence before everything turns to static.

“”“”“”“”“”

Johnnie’s POV

It all happens so fast. One second we’re laughing at something stupid, the next second Y/N has gone completely silent. “Babe, are you okay? You look really pale.” Then it happens. I watch as her eyes roll back into her skull.

Shit.

I barely move fast enough to stop her from hitting her head on the ground. “Jake! Go get some juice and a granola bar.” He practically drops the camera before breaking into a sprint across the store.

nononono… how long have I missed this? It all starts clicking into place… the long bathroom breaks after meals, the pulling away, the way she offered to not drink. Jake returns within 30 seconds, and Y/N starts to stir in my arms.

“”“”“”“”“”

Y/N’s POV

Everything feels like static… I think my eyes are open, but I still can’t see anything. I reach up, and my hand graces something, it takes me a second to register that it’s my loving boyfriend. I mutter a quick apology, and I hear him talking to someone but it’s so muffled. I don’t know how long I lay there before I start to regain feeling in my body. I can’t tell if I’m shaking, but I feel like I’m having a seizure or something.

once I’m able to sit up on my own Johnnie hands me a juice box and a granola bar. I can see Jake sitting across the aisle, also sipping a juice box. They wait until I’m done with my snack before talking. “Baby, I need you to be honest… when is the last time you ate?”

Shitshitshitshit. “I had lunch with Jake.” I try to sound confident, but my voice is shaky. I see Johnnie look across the aisle at Jake, questioning whether I was telling the truth.

“Y/N… that was almost a week ago.” He looks at me with a nearly indecipherable expression, but I know it well. Pity. “Is that really the last time you ate?”

Seeing how worried my they are breaks me. I only allow myself to break down because we are in a fairly secluded area of the store. Johnnie pulls me into his arms, kissing the top of my head. We stay like that for a while before heading home.

“”“”“”“”“”

Three Months Later

That day was a massive wake up call. Johnnie let me take a nap when we got home, while I slept they assembled friends and family. When I woke up they held an intervention. They gave me the choice to Go to an inpatient treatment, or try to get better at home… I chose getting better at home, scared that nobody would wait for me.

That night we worked out a plan. Johnnie made me a meal plan full of foods that I felt safe eating, we threw out the bathroom scale, and we deleted the calorie counter. It wasn’t an overnight change, but I had amazing support from the people around me.

Johnnie is truly the man of my dreams. He never stops telling me how much he loves me, and reassuring me that he would never leave me. He is the reason I wake up in the morning, and I know that he will always be there.

“”“”“”“”“”

@unbruisable @bernardsbendystraws @sturniolo-fann @jnkvivi @stasiesturn

@h3arts4harry @slutforsturniolos

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

Redownloaded GFL because of your blog (also the main reason why I got into it in the first place) and I was surprised with all of the QOL changes they made.

My favorite so far is the non-critical auto repair after battles and it got me thinking how would the AR & DEFY girls react to an SO who scolds them when they return in critical condition but repairs them as tenderly and with as much care as possible despite their harsh demeanor. (Basically a tsundere SO who's worried sick but refuses to admit it)

Love your blog and I hope you're doing well. Thank you for continuously feeding my (and everyone else's) obsession with raifu's.

(GFL) AR Team and DEFY's S/O repairing them

AR Team: M4A1, M16A1, ST AR-15, M4 SOPMOD II, RO635 DEFY: AK-12, AN-94, AK-15, RPK-16

It has been too long since I have written the Raifus on the blog, time to rectify that. Also TSUNDERES WOOOOOO-

M4A1 winces from the light of S/O's blowtorch welding her metallic limbs back together.

Seeing it return to green status in her eyes, she simply sighs when S/O stands up, shifting their welding mask up in order to look at her.

Seeing S/O cross their arms, M4A1 already knows what they're about to say.

(M4A1) "S/O, I know I-"

(S/O) "Went overboard? Psh, that's never stopped you before."

M4A1's hands took a moment to readjust themselves as S/O examined one of her legs that was currently sitting on a nearby table, badly damaged.

(S/O) "It almost seems like what I request to you and the Commander just gets ignored deliberately. Do you think I can repair you all the time without any effort?-"

(M4A1) "S/O."

M4A1's arm that revealed her metallic frame grabbed S/O's hand, finally making them pause.

She gently tugged S/O toward her, and despite their angry expression, the tears forming in the corner of their eyes betrayed any lingering anger that may have been present.

And with her one arm that had the synthetic skin remain, gently wiped away S/O's tear.

(M4A1) "...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you."

(S/O) "...If you don't mean to do that, then just come home in one piece so I don't have to do this."

Their voice dropped to nearly a whisper, but she had no trouble hearing them clearly.

S/O let M4A1's hand linger on their face for a moment while they took a deep breath again, though this time much calmer than before.

(S/O) "Now stand still, I have to make sure your leg is properly patched up."

(M4A1) "Thank you, S/O."

S/O averted their gaze to grab her leg, though she knew the real reason they refused to meet her eyes, bringing a small but sad smile to her lips.

(S/O) "Don't thank me. I've yet to finish...And you're not walking out of here without my help, understood?"

(M4A1) "Hah, got it."

S/O grumbled under their breath as M16 sheepishly let her jacket drop.

Only to reveal an entire forearm missing.

(M16A1) "...For the record, that wasn't my fault."

(S/O) "Couldn't have grabbed the missing part?"

(M16A1) "It was uh...a little beyond recovering at that point."

(S/O) "You are going to be the death of me, Sixteen."

(M16A1) "Heh, come on! I'm making sure you get Griffin's paychec-"

(S/O) "By what, making sure I put you back together like goddamn Humpty Dumpty everytime you come back?!"

M16 flinched by S/O raising their voice, and only noticed now how tightly S/O was gripping onto her remaining hand.

Which also was damaged.

(S/O) "I get taking damage during a mission, it's unvavoidable, but 90% of the time, it is!"

(M16A1) "...S-S/O, I didn't mean to-"

(S/O) "Don't apologize. Just...Don't make me work so hard."

S/O gaze lingered on her missing limb, to which she responded by grabbing their hand and resting it near her eyepatch.

(M16A1) "Come on, can't have your skills going rusty, can I?"

Her tone was cheeky, but her volume was soft, letting S/O's fingers brush against her cheek before going to grab repair tools.

(S/O) "At this rate, I'm going to need a drink..."

(M16A1) "Heh, wanna share? It's on me."

(S/O) "...Then I'm grabbing the most expensive Jack Daniels they have."

And to that, M16's cocky attitude deflated.

(M16A1) "...Shoulda kept my mouth shut."

STAR rolled her arms the moment she felt the connection back online.

(ST AR-15) "Thanks, feeling much better now."

(S/O) "These parts aren't cheap, STAR.-"

Before she could retort, S/O pulled her wrist towards them, examining it with a scanner before nodding in satisfaction.

(S/O) "And contrary to how you think, your life isn't something to throw away either."

STAR opened her mouth but instead of any reply, only a sigh came out.

(S/O) "If you won't think of yourself, then at least think of me. I have to be the one making sure you're all good to go before you tear yourself apart again."

(ST AR-15) "...R-Right."

S/O shook their head as their hand shifted down into hers, holding it firmly.

(ST AR-15) "I don't plan on going anywhere, S/O."

(S/O) "Hm. Tell me that when you're not coming home to me in twenty pieces."

ST AR-15 wryly grinned at S/O, playfully kicking at them with a missing foot on her right leg, exposing both synthetic skin and the electrical bits inside.

(ST AR-15) "Twenty-one, actually."

S/O turned around to grab other tools, but STAR could tell they smiled at her joke.

(M4 SOPMOD II) "BOOOOOREEEED!"

SOPMOD aggressively wiggled her metallic stumps where her arms previously where, whining as she bobbed back and forth on the table.

S/O focused their attention on finishing the last of the repairs on her arms, with them sighing loudly.

(S/O) "SOPMOD, I told you before, I'm nearly done."

(M4 SOPMOD II) "You said that forever ago!-"

(S/O) "Three minutes-"

(M4 SOPMOD II) "FOREVER!"

S/O did their best to ignore her pouting as they finally completed the necessary adjustments, moving to reattach her arms.

(S/O) "You wouldn't have to wait like this if you just listened to RO, y'know."

(M4 SOPMOD II) "Bah! I wouldn't have been able to kick their asses if I hadn't!"

(S/O) "Plus, you're making me work harder than I have to."

She raised an eyebrow at S/O's words, a grin quickly growing.

(M4 SOPMOD II) "Don't act like that you wouldn't be worried if you weren't the one doing my repairs!"

(S/O) "Please, I already have so much work piled up, I-"

SOPMOD yelped the moment a hiss came from her right arm reattaching, making S/O's heart drop as their eyes widened.

(S/O) "S-SOPMOD! Are you alright?!-"

And their worry was replaced with annoyance as SOPMOD's pained expression transformed into a cheeky smile, tapping S/O playfully on the nose with her claw-like finger.

(M4 SOPMOD II) "Gotcha!"

(RO635) sigh "You have my thanks and apologies, S/O."

S/O shook their head as they softly brushed RO's hair to her back, getting a closer look at the damage on her shoulders.

(S/O) "Hm. I know you avoid damage whenever you can. Just stay still."

Though their tone was cold, it didn't bother RO in the slightest.

She knew how they really felt.

(RO635) "Truthfully, I'm fine S/O. You don't need to worry too much-"

(S/O) "About the bullet that almost tore through your connections on this arm? On the contrary you're giving more reasons to worry."

(RO635) "A-Ah..."

RO's hands rested on her lap, with S/O's head near her neck.

Feeling her core thrum faster as she quickly examined her surroundings to make sure no one was looking, RO stole a quick peck, kissing the top of their head making S/O freeze.

(RO635) "...Sorry, bad time?"

(S/O) "Just...warn me next time before you snap me out of my focus."

12 hummed idly while S/O examined her hand, which was currently beside her, separated from her arm.

(S/O) "How in the world did this happen?"

(AK-12) "Well, you can't just sit on your thumbs all day without doing repair work! Just making sure you're not out of a job."

S/O rolled their eyes at her smug tone, but said nothing as they went about repairing it.

(S/O) "I do repairs everyday while I'm back here, thank you very much."

(AK-12) "Then you won't mind doing one more for your beloved, would you?~"

(S/O) "Isn't it your job to make sure you don't get that hurt?"

(AK-12) "My job is to fulfill whatever Angie tells us. Same for you, as far as I recall."

12's eyes opened slightly as her smile grew.

(AK-12) "And...I'm fairly sure you're not supposed to be treating me like a princess either. But no complaints from me.~"

S/O's cheeks darkened the moment they realized their position: kneeling in front of 12 while putting her hand back gently, which the hand promptly patted S/O's head.

Making their eye twitch as 12 laughed.

If 94 could bow in apology, she would.

However, she was currently laying on the table as multiple mechanical arms set about repairing the damages on her, with S/O standing next to her.

Several bullet wounds were inflicted on her, thankfully mostly superficial, but heavy duty equipment was required.

(S/O) "Good god, how did this even happen?"

(AN-94) "It was my negligence, my apologies S/O. I will have to be more alert."

S/O's hand reached to her lower back, moving her to sit upright as the arms whirred away to give them space.

(S/O) "You better. I don't want to have to do this everytime."

(AN-94) "The last thing I want to do is burden you."

(S/O) "Hey. I didn't say that-"

(AN-94) "But-"

S/O put a finger to her lips, making her blink as her eyes trailed to her lover, who was in the process of covering their mouth.

And failing to hide a blush.

(S/O) "I just...don't want to see you hurt, Ninety-Four."

(AN-94) "S/O"

(S/O) "I said please extend your arms. I have to do final inspection and see if I need any touch-ups."

(AN-94) "...Understood."

94 heard them clearly, but still didn't understand why S/O always seemed flustered saying these kinds of things.

15 stoically turned to S/O as they finished their repairs, allowing her to stand up properly, with S/O gently guiding her up.

She gave a single nod, slow and grateful.

(AK-15) "Thank you, S/O. Your repairs are efficient as always."

(S/O) "Can't have our strongest given to some shoddy engineer, after all."

She hummed in agreement, before taking a moment to bow.

(AK-15) "I apologize for having made the mistake of getting hurt to begin with."

Truthfully, 15 always took the worst of the damage, but that was because she was essentially a walking tank.

Hell, S/O was fairly positive 15 could actually beat the tank to death with her bare hands.

(S/O) "D-Damage is unavoidable. Don't apologize for it. As long as you always come back to me, it's fine."

A moment passed before S/O's eyes widened, in disbelief in what 15 got them to say out loud.

(AK-15) "Is something the matter? Your heartrate has spiked-"

(S/O) "N-Nothing! It's nothing!"

16 raised an eyebrow seeing how kindly S/O attended to her.

Not a moment ago they were chastising her for even taking damage, making S/O work so hard.

(RPK-16) "My, what happened to that foul attitude from earlier, S/O?"

(S/O) "What are you talking about?"

She giggled, tilting her head past the equipment to see S/O tending to her leg.

(RPK-16) "Do you perhaps find peace working on me after all? You don't seem nearly as upset now that I'm here-"

(S/O) "Psh, don't get it mixed up. I'm happy to get you fixed and out of the repair bay."

(RPK-16) "Aw, you do care!"

(S/O) "About my work-"

(RPK-16) "And, you're working on me."

S/O mumbled something, making RPK-16 laugh.

Humans were so prideful sometimes...

Well, all the time really.

[nicksbestie]

hi! i’m not sure if you’re requests are open, but if they are could you write one where chris’s gf is a little and she’s scared to tell him? thank you so much 💜💜💜

We Should Talk - C. Sturniolo

Summary : Chris discovers something that you weren't ready to tell him yet, and a tough conversation ensues.

Warnings : 1634

Word Count : Crying, mentions of anxiety

Pairing : Chris Sturniolo/Reader (romantic)

A/N : This is an age regression fic, which is purely safe for work and innocent. Any hate/disrespect towards me, my work, or readers, will not be tolerated.

Chris had a lot of social media. Of course he did, his entire job was on the Internet.

He had to have a social media presence to continue to keep that career afloat, but there were some apps that he just didn’t see a purpose in keeping. Every now and again he would redownload some of them just to see what all was going on in their fanbase on those specific apps, but he never really stuck around for long. One of those apps was Twitter, and it was arguably one of the most toxic platforms he had ever seen. Their fanbase wasn’t terribly chaotic, but the app just had so much discourse going on in it at any given point in time that Chris had never felt like it was worth it.

 However, he was intrigued, so he had decided to download it and make a burner account so he could be private about his existence on the app, not wanting his notifications to be filled and his direct messages to be completely clogged. That did wonders for his ego every now and again, but he also never checked them and eventually it got overwhelming. But as he finished setting up the app, he saw something unrelated to his fanbase that he wasn’t expecting, at all.

When you finish setting up your account, the app asks you if you would like to sync your contacts. Chris had no issues doing this, as it would make it easier to view some of his friend’s profiles without having to search for them. To put it shortly, he wouldn’t have to go stalking. But one of the accounts that popped up after his contacts finished syncing caught his attention. It was an account covered in pastels, and the biography under it was very… interesting. 

“nxsl agere <3 big age __, little age __. obsessed with my daddy who doesn’t know he’s my daddy… yet? nsfw dni!!!”

The thing that really threw him for a loop was that when he looked to see which contact was linked to this account, he read the words “in your contacts as : my girl .” He was confused when he saw this, and curious as well, having not known about this account. He thought he had known about all of your social media, as he followed you on everything except Twitter, but he had still seen your personal Twitter account, but he had no idea you had another one. He wasn’t angry or anything, not being a controlling boyfriend, just more intrigued than anything else. He had never seen an account like this, so he began to scroll through it. 

He simply became more and more confused as he looked through the account. He saw a ton of posts about childlike things, coloring, shows, even pacifiers and bottles, and he found so many tweets in what seemed like baby talk, nearly all of them referencing your “daddy”. He really just didn’t understand what that meant until he scrolled through some replies on a post about an ask game, where your mutuals could ask you any questions, and one of them had asked you if you were single. You had of course replied with no, and the same person had asked if Chris was your carer. He didn’t really understand what that meant, but as he saw your reply, it seemed to fall into place.

“i think of him that way, but he doesn’t know. i hope he’ll be my daddy eventually!”

Daddy? The thought of it threw him for a loop. Chris was completely uncomfortable with any sort of daddy or parental kink, but there was something about this that really made him think it had nothing to do with sex. He hadn’t seen anything inappropriate at all, and he had been scrolling for a while now. So he wasn’t grossed out, because even in the biography of the account it says that it wasn’t sexual at all, but he didn’t know what to make of it. Finally, he turned to Google for help.

With the help of an Internet browser, he was able to decipher that the word “agere” was an abbreviation, for a thing called age regression. He continued to go down the rabbit hole of research and articles, and the more he read about it, the more the account made sense. He wasn’t confused or weirded out, if anything he felt sad that you hadn’t been able to come to him about this. He didn’t know how long you had been hiding this from him, and his heart hurt at the fact that you felt like he couldn’t know about it. He only felt worse for you when he saw some sad tweets, deciphering through the baby talk, seeing you upset that you were alone. 

When he found out that it was normally caused by a lot of trauma or mental health issues, he realized that it really did fit his girlfriend. You had been through a lot in a short amount of time, and he couldn’t blame you for feeling so desperate to find something that helps you. He was happy for you, more than anything, because clearly this was helping you for the majority of the time. You of course had your sad moments, but he felt like there were a lot of good moments to outweigh them. From your account presence, you seemed like you were genuinely a lot happier, filled with pure and childish joy. The more he understood, the more he wanted to be there for you, to fill that role that you clearly also wanted him to do.

 So, then came the problem of how is he going to bring this up to you? He didn’t know how he was going to move forward with this information without scaring you off or causing you to panic. You weren’t home right now, you had gone off to hang out with a friend after work, and he was expecting you back quite soon, so that only gave him a little bit of time for him to figure out how he was going to approach the situation. By the time he heard your car pull into the driveway, he was thinking that the best idea was probably to just sit down and talk to you about it, so that was exactly what he was planning on doing. 

He greeted you the same way he normally did, hugging you and telling you he missed you, and he waited until after you’d eaten and were curled up in bed together, enjoying the time you got to spend relaxing with each other to bring it up.

“Babe?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Can we talk about something? It’s not bad at all, though.” 

You were definitely on edge a little bit, despite his reassurances. 

“Sure, what’s up?” 

Chris didn’t move any part of him from the way he was, not wanting you to sense a change in body language and freak out.

“So I downloaded Twitter today and decided to set up an account, and you know how it asks you if you want to sync your contacts?” 

“Yeah.. what about it?” 

You were thinking that your personal account had been linked to your number, not your secret one, so you were on edge, but hadn’t figured out why he was bringing this up yet.

“Yeah. So, an account linked to your number came up, one that I didn’t know existed.” 

Your cheeks immediately flushed red and you broke eye contact, knowing exactly what he meant now. You could feel the tears coating your waterline, anxiety building in your chest, feeling like a bomb ready to explode. You waited for the ball to drop, for something terrible to come out of Chris’ mouth, but he simply just held you closer.

“I think we should talk about it, okay?” 

Nothing but a short “I’m sorry” slipped through your lips, and Chris looked confused at your response.

“For what, baby? You did nothing wrong, I’m not angry at you.”

The realization that he had probably, if not definitely, seen everything, caused a couple of the tears to fall from your eyes, as you desperately tried to stop them from becoming full on waterworks. Chris let out a soft hum, pulling you impossibly closer, wiping tears off of your face.

“It’s okay. I promise, it’s okay. You don’t have to talk much, I can. I did research on my own, I think I understand what’s going on, I just want you to tell me what you want from me, okay? I want to be here for you, I want to help wherever I can.”

The lack of judgment, the pure acceptance, the increasing love, made you unable to hold in any emotion any longer. You cried, and Chris simply held you, letting you cry all of your feelings out.

“You’re safe with me, okay? I’m not going to judge you. I know you’ve been alone in this for a while, and that can change if you want it to. Do you want that?” 

He didn’t get a verbal reply, but he could feel the nod against his chest. 

“Okay. Do you want me to be your daddy?” 

Another nod, and you pulled your face away from his shirt, feeling bad when you saw the giant wet patch, and he immediately reassured you.

“Don’t worry, babe, it’s just a shirt. I can change. It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.”

“Thank you.” 

His smile was bright, as to soothe your fear, but his eyes showed sympathy.

“You don’t need to thank me. I’m more than happy to be here for you. I love you, and you’re going to be okay.” 

As you whispered your own confession of love back to him, you knew it was true. 

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[vinnsley]

omg.. so ummm i was thinking.. have u seen norton in the new story? :3 and yk how he kinda like.. didn’t say a word to Alice.. I was wondering if u can write a fic.. where norton has a s/o.. :3 in the game and only talks to them.. and everyone is just like “wtf”.. :3

ORIGINAL: chuckles evilly. LOOK NO FURTHER DEAR ANON!!! (i deleted idv awhile ago. Youtube, my friend... :3)

UPDATED: Yes. I redownloaded IDV a while ago and finished the new story quests and unfortunatly by the time i am writing this, i don't remember everything clearly, so if this has any information wrong, i apologize 😭 (lately i haven't been playing either (by lately i mean months))

Edit 2: i realized that the most popular thing ive written is exactly abt norton.. and its smut. ermmmm😓

[----------]

-At first, you had 0 idea what to expect. Your boyfriend got sent a letter inviting them to a mysterious manor and he had to go alone. You were worried for him, considering the events of his past, but you let him on his way.

-It only took a few weeks for you to recieve a letter similar to what Norton recieved — from the same manor. It mostly contained that you are invited to the manor for reasons the writer rather not disclose trough a letter.

-Considering this was the same letter that made Norton leave, you immedieatly grabbed your suitcase and started to pack a few clothing items you deemed fit.

-The ride towards the manner was long —making you nervous by every second that passed. Would you see Norton again? Did something happen to him? What is it that this mysterious person wanted to talk with you about? Aswell as with a few others who would be present?

-When you finally arrived infront of the manor, you took a deep breath. Not too sure if you were ready to hear or see what was going on inside said manor. You walked up to the door and knocked, waiting for a few seconds (Which felt like hours in your point of view) and the door opened.

-A butler opened the door. Not saying anything aside your name as a question. Wanting to confirm it was actually you.

-You nod and give the old-looking man your invite, to which he nodded and let you inside. A maid bowing infront of you slightly as a greeting, before saying that she'll be your guide, and that you were free to ask questions whenever you wanted.

-You felt like you wanted to burst into words, you had so many questions. But anxiety has sewn your mouth shut, unable to mutter a single word besides an affirmation to the maid and following her to your temporary residence.

-The tour tooj atleast 1,5 hours in your opinion. The whole manor was... giant, in your words. You asked questions here and there to the maid, to which she either responded... or not. Which made your gut feel weird, but you shrugged it off.

-You already met a few people already. Like Mr. Kreiburg...But you wouldn't actually call it a meeting. As you reached out your hand and tried to introduce yourself, he only picked up his cane and moved your hand away from him before walking past you, his face only being... sour. Quite the asshole, you thought.

-Ms. Plinius, the entomologist you saw outside the small garden of the manor. For being such a big house, the garden was for sure small to your standards. But Ms. Plinius atleast didn't... shrug you off first chance she got. She simply introduced her and went back to examining... or atleast that's what you thought she was doing with the bees.

-You also met Orpheus. He was nice. He actually conversed with you for a bit. You found out that he was a writer of some kind, and that he's mostly at the manor because of this.

-You also met Ms. DeRoss. Or how she preferred — Alice. She was also nice. She conversed with you for a bit aswell. She was a journalist, that's what you found out about her.

-As you continued to walk around the manor, trying to see if there was anyone else, you had no luck. When you peeked inside the last room and you didn’t see anyone, you sighed.

-Wasn't Norton invited here? Why isn't he here then? You were confused. And mostly scared for your lover.

-You decided to shrug it off. You were already tired from all that travelling you did during the day, the meetings —Good or bad—, the tour.

-You ate dinner with the invited people who... participated in the dinner, because Mr. Kreiburg... was missing. As it seemed like it was a common occurance for him to not attend, he usually asked his food to be brough to his room appearently.

-After you were done, you said your good night's to everyone and went to your room. Your luggage being next to the small space next to the bed, as you picked it up and placed it on the table, rummaging trough it for your nightly wear.

-When you found it, you tried to change as quickly as possible to be able to get more rest that your body and consciousness craved at this point.

-Tomorrow morning, you were woken up by a sharp knock on your door. The person on the other side for sure knew how to wake someone up... You called out a 'come in' in a sleepy tone stretching as your body popped here and there from the movement.

-The butler from before came in. He informed you that breakfast would be starting soon, and that you should probably gather yourself together for the day. You yawned and nodded in response. The butler soon walked out when he saw your nod — giving you your privacy.

-You stood up, going to the bathroom to wash your face. After that, you went to your luggage still on the table, opened, and picked out your next outfit for the day.

-You opened the door and walked out, closing it behind you as you saw someone with black hair and a... hat of some kind walk down the stairs? It was... a green or grey. You couldn't really tell from how fast they rushed down the stairs.

-You shrugged it off, walking downstairs in your own pace and walking to the dining table.

-When you arrived, you looked around. Alice, Ms. Plinius, Orpheus... and Norton?

-So he was actually here! Your heart felt like it could burst open from happiness any second now. You wanted to scream in happiness, but no. You couldn't. You were with people who were technically still strangers.

-Norton did notice and recognize you too. His reaction simply being his eyes widening than narrowing to his usual look. He always had a better poker face than you — that you both knew.

-But for some reason, there was no space set in the table next to Norton... So you simply put your fingers on the satin that was under the plate, and pulled it infront of the chair next to Norton, sitting down beside him.

-You took your food and while you did, everyone besides Norton stared at you weirdly for a bit. Why did you... sit next to Norton? They barely managed to get his name out of him (which was actually given by the butler) but you sit next to him? The most anti-social person besides Kreiburg?

-They were confused to say the least. But... hey. You do you. They guess.

-While everyone was eating, talking, Alice noticed that Norton was... actually talking to you? Sure, she couldn't hear what you two were conversing about, but Norton was definitely going on and on about something.

-Did you two know eachother? Probably. No. Most definitely. Norton hasn't spoken a single word to anyone, yet he is actively talking to you. You two definitely knew eachother from somewhere.

-Alice looked over to Orpheus as he was talking to Ms. Plinius, slightly nudging him with her elbow and she signalled to the pair of you with her eyes.

-Orpheus kept talking to Ms. Plinius, making an act of as if they weren't watching the two of you, while he glanced at the both of you from time to time. Nobody could tell, but Ms. Plinius took the hint aswell and noticed the same thing as Orpheus and Alice.

-It was as if the two of you were friendly with eachother. Maybe even more.

-But they couldn't do much at the moment... they might ask you two... or more specifically you of your relationship with him later.

[----------]

ACK. im sorry if i messed up anything... and im so uncertain if melly was actually referred to as Ms. Or Mrs. google didnt give me any solid answers either so... excuse that if its wrong pls🤕🙏

[regallibellbright]

For the record, when I say “oh that’s a bit wonky” or the like when talking about my crochet work, that’s not me self-deprecating, that’s me going “hm, yeah, notes for the next experiment.” I was still pretty new to crocheting when I started freehanding patterns - I learned in like, fall 2017, my very first freehanded work was at LATEST December 2018,* and while that was five years ago, the murder tendonitis from summer 2020 to mid/late 2022 means that I didn’t just not develop those skills further, I could barely work at all and am now seriously out of practice.

A lot of tricks I used for Xion and Lea were tricks I picked up when I was working off someone else’s pattern and remembered for later (all the feet I do, for example, are modified versions of the feet from a Tonberry pattern by SatuStitches, and I learned ruffles from a jellyfish pattern,) and by this point I’ve forgotten things and had to redownload patterns where I might have had an idea for them if I hadn’t gotten injured.

So I’m genuinely proud of what I can do, but also crochet is one of those mediums where I know I’m still acquiring skills and go “all right, how do I refine that?” a lot. Which is why I like making things entirely freestyle and, when I work from a premade one, don’t enjoy doing the same one endlessly. (Also, that definitely contributed to the tendonitis.) I seek novelty, but also challenge and new skills to use later.

Also I learned this so I could make plushies for myself, and being able to make baby toys and the like for other people has proven to be a side benefit. Since it gave me tendonitis, I’m not doing commission work anymore. I only need to repeat patterns if I have a reason to, or I happen to personally want a small army of that toy. (... I can see myself making a tiny army of Drifloon and turning them into a mobile, actually. That wouldn’t be hard, it would just be a matter of making the first pattern and time. Hm. To the endless “Projects for a later date” pile.)

*  That would be Xion doll 1.0, still in the black coat because there WASN’T a second outfit yet, much smaller and lives on my very crowded bookshelf. I should get a picture of her sometime, but she is quite small and I’d need to find her. Maybe once I’m done with Namine I can do all three girls together.

[mysidemystory]

Okay I am just going to point out I dont want anons about Tiff.

I woke up to this. As much as I appreciate you guys letting me know but there is an actual case going on. I already know about her blogs and I have them blocked and they are given to my case worker. Please stop sending in anons. I am barely on this account anymore cause of the case that is going on. I don’t need screenshots of what she says either. I am too busy working two jobs to even be on. If I am on I am on facebook in a group chat and we don’t talk about anyone mostly art, work, and stuff to do. So please don’t send anymore anons about this person. I know she talks about me thanks for those screenshots but her stat counter cant even get where I live right and I haven’t even been to her blogs. But I emailed this to my case worker and everything is updated. Thank you. But please no more. I literally work two jobs and don’t have time for tumblr anymore. It’s not even on my phone anymore after this anon. I regret redownloading it.

[aurelie-in-letters]

Wednesday, April 17th, 2024. 12:39 am.

I had today (yesterday now) off. I slept at a decent time (for me) & woke before 10am !! Got dressed, had some coffee, & cut up some strawberries for me & nana & my half sibling who she was babysitting. I helped her with her schoolwork (some pretty basic math & shapes) & we tried biscoff cookie butter on coconut coffee dipper cookies (not great) & graham crackers (much better). ♡

I called with a few friends - way earlier in the day than I usually do, & it was also a lot more chaotic - everyone was out & about but me, driving or walking or in some building, etc. I was browsing for some new underwear because my grandparents lovely dog decided to have a few pairs of mine as a snack ... 😐 She also ripped my laundry bag across the side. It's literally tarp & she has like 3 teeth so I don't know how or why she did it but I'm not happy about it. She's already ruined two of my blankets, one of my comforters, one of my sweaters, a pair of my shoes, two of my bags ... There's probably more I can't remember right now. You get the point.

Had a late dinner ... I was planning to just not eat since I feel so gross lately & I feel like I gained some but ended up caving & I already regret it. I can just feel the extra layers on my body ... I wish I could cut it all off already.

Work tomorrow at 11am, thankfully I'm just running racks for the thrift store I work at. I close the next two days & then I have to open on Saturday. :"') I really hate closing & then opening because I only get like 12 hours between shifts, but since yet another cashier quit I'm probably going to have to do it even more often. Can't wait til I can go back to university this August. I have a lot of things to do before then, though - save money, make sure I get assigned a dorm, apply for a few more scholarships (even though it feels useless), build up a wardrobe for school, get some new bras, lose weight (please, for the love of god), get back to the city my storage unit is in at least 10 days before I go back ...

Really hoping my parents have a house again before then but if not perhaps my biological dad's father (it feels weird calling him grandpa - I'm 22 & I just met him like two & a half months ago) can drive me down & see if my mom will let me stay with them in their hotel & drop me off at the storage complex with some tape & boxes so I can figure out what all I'm taking back with me & put everything else back in the unit. Also hoping that she & my dad can take me to uni because they owe me over a thousand dollars now & after everything I think it's the least they can do ... ? But who knows ...

Also, I've been really getting into gyaru fashion lately. Specifically the hime & onee subcategories !! I think they suit me & the style I already have & tend to wear.

I also redownloaded HSR. We'll see if it survives the next Genshin update or if I'll have to purge it again.

[g1rlwtf]

me when i have a girl moment and redownload hinge for no reason cuz i know it’s not gonna go well and even though it was months ago that i re-deleted it after a while like 3 days if use it still hurts that nobody i like likes me back it’s like people go oh girl she doesn’t like Asian guys she prefers white guys BITCH they don’t fucking WANT ME. U know what Asian guys want me is a conservative or moderate or military Asian guy u know what black guy wants me a conservative or moderate or military black guy. It’s like im clearly a woman of color and i openly express that I’m queer and left leaning so what makes these assholes think i would want them. Like i know my self esteem is low but come ON. Like I probably initiated like 90% brown guys and 10% white guys like it’s not me it’s just they don’t like me back. what is feeding these military douchebags to make them think i would ever want them. like for me at this point it’s giving pick a medium ugly Asian man who will disrespect me or pick a medium white man who will maybe be nice to me. I am really starting to think that like.. im just not supposed to be with anyone like what if god just meant for me to be alone and im supposed to go through life feeling like im missing something forever. blah blah blah u still have family and friends and yourself well that’s not a replacement for romantic love and intimacy i hate it here. why do only assholes want me why can’t someone nice want me. like is my ego too big now like am I really bad enough to make these men think I’d want them

[aaazithro2]

Aftermath

So after things went sour with someone I met via dating app (Yeah, we're talking about the same person from a few blog posts ago.... You know what, once and for all, let's call her M.)

Anyway so, after things went south, I redownloaded the lesbian dating app. In hopes of, maybe, forgetting. Should we say, getting a rebound? Hahahahaha! (What?!) But yes, it was so I could forget.

The people I match with, they just can't compare. (sigh)

Okay, it's not about the people I match with. This one's on me. Maybe my heart isn't as open as when I met M.

Nobody is as interesting as she was. When we starting talking, she sent those very random out-of-nowhere voice messages. I even panicked when she sent the first ones, how was I supposed to respond? With a voice message too? It was silly. I was silly. She would send those random recorded updates with or without a voice response from me. Hearing her sexy voice consistently, I couldn't stop listening to them. Gradually, I felt comfortable with the voice messaging, and her. We even made a bet for the first date. I really... still lik... miss her to this day, honestly speaking. Even though it's over, I asked for advice from my brother and a male bestie whether I made the right choice. They both said I should've given it at least another chance. But... I'm stubborn and complicated, so here we are. It's a little too late. I can't even initiate a, "Hello." It'd be too weird and awkward now.

Going back to swiping for prospective rebounds dates... A few conversations in with these other people and I find myself bored to the bone. I wasn't interested with their day. Not at the least. I wasn't interested with what their work was or whatever. I was devoid of motivation with these people. I even copied my reply to one person and sent that to another. I'm the worst, aren't I? Eventually, I end up ghosting most, if not all, of them. (Omg I'm so sorry I just...) After a few messages in, I simply end up finding myself not liking them. (Worse, not liking myself too.) I don't have the energy to feign interest. My brain is exhausted enough at work. And, trying to think of anything to say to these people just depletes me to the core. It's not about the people in the app, bless their souls, it's really me. I am just not interested anymore.

At this point, I will just delete the app again. Dating like this is just hard. I know that I really don't like tiring myself with other people. Is it cause I'm an introvert? Maybe. My dating battery is exhausted, I need to take a break again (and isolate). Haha! To be honest, I don't know how will I ever score the love of my life at this point especially with me isolating so much. Maybe I'll meet her on a bus or plane overseas, I don't know. But I just can't do this dating app thing right now.

I will be doing and enjoying solo things for the next months (or years), again. This is just how I am I guess, such a stubborn introverted fool. 😅

[gnj9ata]

Life check point - I can't seem to go to sleep so I decided to redownload Tumblr and do a life check point of my life up to this point for preservation sake I guess. I had a thought of doing that with little videos and posting them to my YouTube channel. It's funny because I read old Tumblr messages on here and try to figure out my state of mind at that time to no avail.

So what is going on in life...

After all of these years, I am doing bumpers for the MCA again or should I call it The Chat Attack now. It's not mines anymore. It stop being that 6 years ago. He did ask me to come back on the show. I declined. I know me and my head. I would just try to recreate something that isn't there anymore. Same reason I keep watching the old bumpers and shows. I tell myself it's for inspiration or getting new ideas for the new bumpers, but it's me reliving the "glory" days. When I had a group of people listening to me. When I had power or control over something bigger than myself. If I am being honest, it feels good knowing I was "Top dog" at one point in time. That I got my idol at one point Korey Coleman to say "Attack the chat" once on a video, even though if I had the opportunity to talk to him about that, he probably wouldn't remember. It was something out of my head...that became real. That's powerful to me and I really want to do it again.

Ms gay is gone. Died from stomach cancer. Her mom had to stay with us for 4 months while Ms Gaye's sister was buying a house. She just moved out a month ago. Interesting experience. It took for her to die for me to know her name was first name was Carol.

Miranda is still missing...I miss her a lot. I told trey. I would have married her. And that is still true I feel. When I get the resources, I am going to find you.

And dan

Dan is still missing....

Find meech as well.

Jett seems happy with Nick. I'm happy for them both. They both deserve that. Had rough lives. It's nice they can finally get something out of it. Not sure if I will ever get married or what not and do that whole children thing. Only time will tell I guess. I could be reading this ten years from now and have all of these things. We will see.

I am kind of just kinda "meh" on the whole thing at the moment. Dating isn't even my main focus.

I work for pottery barn at the moment. Retail support agent. I answer emails all day. Easy ass job. I legit could just sit there for hours and occasionally do work. Sometimes I read a book or just watch YouTube videos. I am know as the "hype man" in the teams room. If I am being honest, it gives me similar feels to what I had with the MCA. People actually look for me and wonder where I am at. It feels nice to feel wanted or when people like to just be in your presence. But is it real? Just like the love I had with the MCA? Does it have an expiration date?

Because I know I will be curious later...

The book is Sophia's World: A history on philosophy. Good stuff so far. Recommend by ruthless. Yeah....still talking to him. He doesn't respect me like he use too. Doing thumbnails for his YouTube or at least I think I am. I haven't gotten work to do on it in a few weeks. We will see if that last.

I do thumbnails for Josh's The Afternoon Tune. Still going strong. Gave me free range on the thumbnails. I'm proud of him. Although everytime I look at the YouTube page, I see MCA DNA. Still friends with the group....we legit been through think and thin together so I think at this point, our relationship as friends...hell as family at this point is soild. I really hope they all respect me, but aren't these the same thoughts I had last time? Before I burned everything to the ground so what do I know? We are all meeting up for the first time as a group in March. Meeting up in New York. I hope everything goes well.

Regardless I know for a fact I have Fernando and Soberna in my corner. I still talk to them. The only folks from staples at this point. Although the Halloween party, I did get to see Angela, josh and Jermaine. That was fucking cool. I am really happy for Jermaine and his husband. Had no idea the dude was gay, but happy for him regardless.

Devon is still Devon.... maybe worst...or maybe our relationship is just really bad. It's almost like resentment now. I don't even like talking to him now. It's like I have already mourned the lost of my brother and he is still here. I am not even sure how to approach this situation at all. Recently had a conversation with mom about how I am frustrated that he gets to give up, but I can't. Even if I had the opportunity to do so, my mind wouldn't let me. I know I would regret all that wasted time. I have stuff I want to do with my life. And I can't stop until those are accomplished. And even then....lol

Anything else?

I am very annoyed in myself that I have forgotten alot of stuff I use to know. After effects, driving, pass books or let's plays I have watched. What was the last let's play I watched?

Can't remember. (Could probably check the YouTube history if I cared enough)

Still working with my therapist on mindpath. Although I am thinking of just cutting it off. I think I May have reached the point of what she can help with. I think this is one of those roads I probably have to finish alone. I have changed my sessions from every two weeks to every three weeks.

I still care about what my mom, my friends, my coworkers.....other people think about me. I still care and haven't learned my lesson yet. What is it going to take for me to finally stop caring? What is it going to take? The improvement junkie stuff is starting to get annoying to. I can't even relax on my off day and using time to think about how to get better at after effects or improve my memory or get better at mental math. I am going through timeline order of the marvel movies at the moment which is alot more fun than I thought. Trying to get back into gaming more with my steam deck. I love that thing.

It's 6 am and I have yet to get any sleep. And I am suppose to be driving to see Fernando and Soberna today. I need sleep....

[smoozedaddy]

Going to use this as my personal journal.

I’ve been in a mood today- not sure why or what even kind of mood. But I feel like my moods are so reliant on the actions of other people. Why does it matter? I think therapy will help.

I guess I just feel drained. Not sure why. Just came back from a conference and honestly that was the best i’ve felt in a long time.. it was a high, high. And now i’m sitting on a low low.

Kinda feel like I have this open void. My wife has been gone for a bit now, and i feel like i keep trying to fill the emptiness with things that end up making me feel more empty.

We’ve talked about kids just a minute ago, and honestly I always pictured myself being loved by someone who expresses their love by wanting my kids, and a family with me. I think that type of vision was engrained in me, and i’m not sure if that’s how I really feel or was taught that that’s what love is?

How I feel about love, is complicated. I love my wife, and I feel like shes everything I want in a person. I feel like we met so young, and so damaged, and we slowly but surely built each other up to be great people. I also can’t help but have this constant urge to blow up our marriage, and just ruin my life. I’m not sure where it comes from, but the urge in the back of my mind to self destruct or to self sabotage is strong. Why? When i have a healthy and stable and beautiful resilient relationship with my wife. I mean sure, there’s temptation everywhere and that doesn’t go away. But it’s more than that, it’s not that i’m tempted, it just feels like my nature, like instinctive.

Sometimes I just feel like I should be alone. Like really alone. Not a soul to speak to, live somewhere where I know not a single person. I feel like i’m destined to just start over somewhere alone. Not that I want to, but like, just a feeling.

There are also times where I just want to be everything, to everyone. Not sure where that comes from either. But I find that I feel drawn to people who have that certain glimmer of trauma behind their eyes, it’s always been that way. A second type of sense. I recognize it immediately and i go into savior mode. Who can I save today- who can I help- how can I make their day better. It’s a discration in a way. I need to stop that, because I then start to prioritize those people over myself and those I love. Especially when they don’t care, and it tends to be one sided. Deep down, I tend to not care if it’s one sided, part of me is just so siked to help that nothing else matters. Going to start creating my own boundaries, and respecting them.

Sometimes i feel like i should delete my social media, and then I do, but then i redownload it and go back to my same habits. I think the fomo is just very real and i’m going to try to ween myself off.

While we’re ranting, sometimes I do want to be friends with my ex, i think it’s possible to be friends. There’s such a strong memory of love, and feeling of respect there, that when I see her struggling it’s disheartening. Brings me back to when we were younger and she was having those same struggles. There’s a reason we’re no longer together, but i’ve always wanted to continue a friendship. At one point, she was my best friend. There’s no part of me that wants to rekindle a spark or flame, but there is a part that just wants to be her friend because who doesn’t need one these days? But alas, there comes the savior mode, and the self destruction part, because I know my relationship and my wife would feel very disrespected. That’s a bridge I can’t cross, but only look across with love and root for her from afar.

There’s a big part of me, that feel’s like I’ve failed in life. 25, unsuccessful in the military, and now we’re bopping back and forth between careers trying to find a fit. There’s an undying fire inside of me that needs to be the bread winner, the provider, and I feel like I can work myself into the ground to do that and i’m happy to do that. I just want to find something I can be happy with, and feel successful with. Right now sure, I do well with both jobs I work. And by working both of them, I feel a sense of fulfillment that I didn’t feel just working one. But not fully fulfilled, i’m trying to find something where I feel a purpose and where I’m happy.

Making friends has always been hard for me. I always have felt different or off or not smart enough, not decent looking enough, not funny enough, and then there’s the me being in the closet struggling and then i’m out and gay. It’s never felt normal or seamless, it’s felt forced or like I need to put in so much effort for so little return. So I feel like I give up or just accept the crumbs. But I try, because I have a lot of love to give. But alas, the boundaries I need to work on. I have to understand that my love may not be for everyone and thats okay. I can’t force anyone to accept or want it or want to reciprocate. I just gotta keep trying to enforce my boundaries and just see what happens. We’ll see.

I think this is it for now.

[lifygreens]

The event is absolutely not worth a full redownload, especially if you're someone vulnerable to gacha (an experience I know all too well), so I'd be more than happy to get you a full transcript of the Elibe side of the event as well as individual character lines (plus anything else you may want, Idunn content, Limstella content, etc). The Elibe games are my absolute favorites and I'm always happy to help out a fellow fan.

I took the time to read through your posts on Limstella and the Elibe villains, and let me just say: thank you so much. It's so comforting to see someone who gives these characters as much, if not more, thought than I do myself! I agree with everything you said about them. The idea of Limstella being a direct recreation of Aenir is something that never occurred to me, but I think is a stroke of genius. It gets me wondering: are all morphs pale with black hair and golden eyes because of the process, or because that was how Aenir looked and Nergal is unconsciously remaking her with every one he constructs?

I've thought a lot on the subject of emotions in morphs and come to very similar conclusions to you. I have often wondered if there was ever any truth to the idea that morphs have no emotions of their own. I suspect that there was not, and their emotionlessness comes rather from a combination of their weakened wills (at least for the ones that more 'effort' wasn't put into, ie the generics and perhaps Denning) and a belief instilled in them by Nergal himself. My only evidence for this comes from Ein, the boss of Binding Blade chapter 12 and only War Dragon that is ever given dialogue. His dialogue is incredible simple, only speaking in single, monosyllabic words, but even still, he expresses emotion in his defeat quote ("...What...?!"). We can infer that Idunn's War Dragons are never created for any reason other than violence (unlike Nergal's morphs, which are, or were, at least, once created with the intention of being a complete person). As such, Idunn would never have bothered instilling emotion into her creations, which means that, even in such a rudimentary state, all morphs likely also possess some level of emotion.

Another fact that comes to mind is how Idunn herself is portrayed. The game states that the dragons "destroyed her soul" in order to force compliance. However, this does not appear to be a literal statement, as she begins to recover during her rehabilitation in Arcadia. It seems much more likely to me that what they actually did was break her spirit and will, inflicting such trauma on her that she was rendered into a nearly catatonic state, incapable of defying orders or resisting in any way. What's interesting to me is that her mannerisms after this point are almost identical to those of your average morph (taking Limstella as a baseline here, since they are the closest of the named ones to your 'standard' emotionless morph). She is quiet, monotone, and robotic in her speech, saying virtually nothing that isn't a simple statement of fact or recitation of her orders. Even her defeat quote matches up with Limstella's, in that it is an unexpected statement of sorrow ("I…I… Gah… I am alone…in the dark… I am alone…in…darkness…").

Taking all of this and applying it to morphs (and war dragons by extension), it seems to me that every one of them is capable of feeling emotions, but the vast majority of them lack the ability (or willpower) to express it the overwhelming majority of the time. Perhaps if the morphs were taken in and treated with the same care and consideration that Idunn was, we would have been able to see that, but they are sadly never given the chance.

(as an aside, you could also make an argument that the morphs and war dragons serve as a metaphor for generational trauma. idunn's emotional stunting through her trauma is passed onto her own children, leaving them incapable of doing anything more than perpetuate the cycle of violence until it is finally broken with idunn's rehabilitation. at the same time, nergal cuts himself off emotionally from the rest of the world and eventually loses himself in a way that matches the stated emotional detachment and loss of identity of the vast majority of the morphs. even the named ones suffer from this. limstella, as stated, believes themself incapable of emotion, just as sonia experiences a loss of identity, unwilling or unable to see herself for what she truly is. ephidel seems to be the most well adjusted of the three (which is saying a LOT), but i suspect this can be more attributed to his relative lack of development. i wouldnt be surprised to learn that he's just as messed up as the others)

Not sure if any of this was coherent, but I just wanted to get out some of my rough thoughts on all of this, since you asked for them. I just really love Idunn and the morphs and was excited for the opportunity to talk about them a bit.

People who still play FEH, can you tell me how the forging bonds event is for Nergal? What happens with him? I’m curious but don’t want to download the game to find out.

[i-m-what-i-am]

These days I spend more time uninstalling and redownloading this game tham actually playing *sigh* but finally, I played chapter 27

That was a whole lot of lore crammed into one chapter lol Now my usual round of questions that may or may not be answered afterwards. Why didn’t Bitru tell Rothbrok and Ignit about Violet? those two seemed distant with the rest of the knights from the beginning. Did she mistrust them?

I like Marinehawk, I think he could fill in the role of the lovable himbo Rood couldn’t provide.

Perhaps it’s an issue with translations but I don’t understand why Misty is such a bitch to her sister. Violet was meant to be seen as eccentric but I don’t see what’s the big deal with her? Maybe the dialogue is meant to be read as teasing or sibling bickering but to me she seems so harsh for no reason.

Speaking of Violet what happened to her and the kid after this whole thing.

Interesting that Cadmos got rid or Rood. If I was him I would have choosen Black Moon, she seems to be in possession of the working brain cell of the team most of the time lol. Although it is true that since he was the most loyal and closest to Accor his death would be the most shocking and quickest to convince the rest to turn against him. My only question now is did no one wonder “hey why does Cadmos have this dragon relic? isn’t that convenient”

Back to the present Bitru seems to know the whole thing was Cadmos fault but she also holds the other knights responsible so maybe she doesn’t know the whole truth? she mentioned Rothbrok, Black Moon, Marinehawk and Misty descedants being alive and possibly useful to Accor. She didn’t mentioned Rood, was it intentional because she doesn’t know how the emperor would take it? maybe she just doesn’t know. She also didn’t mention Ignit even though she met Anastasia and Bathory. How does Anastasia fit in all this btw wasn’t she with the Dragon Watchers at some point? haven’t heard anything from Greenland in a while now that I think about it. 

And Iol about how she mentioned Misty probably to try and save Iris while conveniently forgetting Ramge and his dear father who are currently at war with everyone lol

[teamxdark]

4. Malfunction

"ROUGE."

Rouge's ear flicked at the sound of her name, but something about it was off.

"Come again?"

"ROUGE." There it was, the odd pronunciation or inflection to her name that she honestly didn't know Omega could produce. Rouge looked at her large metal best buddy chum amigo in confusion until he kept speaking. "JE NE PEUX NON PLUS PARLER EN ANGLAIS ET JE NE SAIS PAS POURQUOI."

Rouge blinked. "Uh... Might want to change your language settings there, sweetie."

"IMPOSSIBLE. JE L'AI DÉJÀ ESSAYÉ."

...Well, she understood the first word at least.

"Okay so... You're stuck on another language and can't change back?" she guessed, getting herself a thumbs up from Omega. "Alright then. Is there any kind of terminal I can use to look through your--"

Omega interrupted her by pointing an arm cannon at her. "NON."

Rouge raised her hands. "Hey now, calm down! But you know what, that's fair. I don't think I would trust you with... I guess my own brain surgery either."

Omega put away his cannon and beeped in agreement to the comparison.

"Okay then... Can you redownload the English language?"

"NON."

"Can you delete whichever language this is and see if it defaults back?"

Omega's occulars dimmed for a good fifteen seconds before brightening again. "TESTEN... EXPERIMENT SHEITERTE. ICH SPRACHE NOCH EINMAL EINE ANDERE SPRACHE."

"...Whoops, I think I understand you even less now."

"EINDEUTIG."

A loud groan echoed through the cavern as Shadow crushed his empty energy drink can in one hand and massaged his forehead with the other. "Just switch him off and on again!"

Rouge and Omega glanced at each other before Omega's occulars dimmed again until the lights turned completely off.

The cave was silent for a few eerie seconds until Omega's startup jingle echoed through the space and the sound of his engine and cooling fans roared to life. The light returned to his occulars as a few beeps sounded, and finally Omega moved, finalizing his reboot.

"TESTING... EXPERIMENT SUCCESS. I AM NOW COMPREHENSIBLE."

"And that goodness for that," Rouge mumbled. "I was sure I was never going to understand you again... But hey, at least we have our resident tech whiz here to help out with any malfunctions!"

Shadow chucked the empty can at them both. "You're so annoying," he grumbled, while Omega reached out and caught the projectile.

"REFLEXES CONTINUE TO FUNCTION AT OPTIMAL PERFORMANCE." Omega whirred in satisfaction while Rouge giggled, and Shadow turned away from them again, clenching his teeth.

"I should have kicked you out the day you walked in here..."