#but she was being REAL FUCKING INTENTIONAL about it
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captain-kit-adventuress · 24 hours ago
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I want to expand on this a teeny bit because it is SO 100% RIGHT.
In "The Solitary Cyclist," the rich creep harrassing the woman is Holmes' entry into the mystery. He doesn't need more than that to basically be like, "Oh, it is on, bitches," and does his thing. Only to find that without his help, this woman would have been drugged so the rich creep could marry her against her will by a defrocked vicar (aka not a legal marriage in any way but the rich creep doesn't care and would have treated it as real and she wouldn't be able to remember, thus leaving this woman as his legal property), only to be almost publicly raped by the rich creep as "consummation." This actually happens in the canon story. Like. Holmes understood that where things start as red flags like "rich creep harasses relatively powerless woman," the end of that road is only grimmer than the beginning.
And in "The Abbey Grange," technically the wife was only an accessory, her lover was the one who actually did the murder, and it was rather arguably in self-defence. In that case, the murdered husband is a rich man who was all kind and sweet and wonderful while he was wooing his lady, only to turn into an absolute tyrant after they were wed and she could do nothing about it. But the cover up was super intentional, and any other detective would have gotten hung up about it, especially because it implicated the wife and her trusted maidservant, so that's letting three people go instead of just one and you can bet Scotland Yard won't be having any of that. At no point does Holmes ever consider giving up the wife or the maid, but he's not so sure about the lover. So he's basically like, well, I'll just meet the fellow and see where he's at, and the guy comes to 221b and Holmes tests out his character and the dude passes with flying colours and Holmes goes, eh, good enough for me, go back to your job for a year and then have at it. All because Holmes understood that the road this woman was on ended in her own murder at the hands of the rich bastard, who had already been known to pay off officials so that the extent of his crimes would never be known. The way he justifies this? He reasons to Watson that he left all of the exact same evidence he had access to for the inspector, and if they can't figure it out from that, it's their own fault for being fucking dumb.
There is case after case after case like this, where someone powerful is preying on the powerless and Holmes is like, I AM NOT HAVING IT. Also important was the fact that a super important rich nobleman tries to buy Holmes' silence when the rich guy's son is blackmailing him (for reasons) and putting his younger son at risk to do so, and Holmes is like, fuck you, I don't deal that way.
Total icon.
The way Holmes textually canonically frequently regularly and often without hesitation commits crimes and/or protects criminals because he likes them, he thinks it's a silly thing to be criminalised for, he's bored, the police annoy him, he's gay, he's been drinking his respect women juice, or it was a really funny crime is just... Perfect of him actually
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notashadowbutawave · 22 hours ago
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finally talked my wife into watching 8x06 "confessions" with me and WOW there's quite a lot going on in this breakup scene in buck's apartment (and the infamous glee scene for that matter) that I haven't seen discussed much on this website (though maybe I'm just not finding it?) like this show is always yelling the themes in your face but...
first of all I think it's somewhat intentional that Buck is being written as kind of regressing. So far in the show, he's gotten his confidence in romantic relationships by fulfilling the role with the person that he thinks he should fulfill. with Abby, Buck had just learned about serious adult romantic relationships and how they work and was trying to Be A Partner in a complete speed run. But he learned that no amount of devotion is a substitute for functionality. with Taylor, he was trying to Be A Functional Partner - and he learned that being a partner Has To involve trust, and that trust comes from somewhere else other than just our actions - it has to come from our hearts.
Tommy is the first person he's ever dated where he doesn't know what the next steps are and that's because this isn't something he has a blueprint for - being a Partner and a Functional Partner for somebody who sees right through him and sees exactly what he's trying to do, to make Tommy never leave. Abby was completely clueless (sorry I really dislike Abby) and Taylor didn't realize that an adult man could behave so badly without utter malice in his heart. Both of them kind of make the mistake of being vulnerable to Buck's charms.
Tommy is of course vulnerable to Buck's charms but Buck is more transparently himself with Tommy as well - and what Tommy sees, then, is a person who is deeply insecure and may be trending in the right direction but ultimately still thinks there's a lever he can pull to make Tommy stay and never leave him. He doesn't know that he's not done cooking yet because every new thing he learns about the world or others makes him feel brand fucking new.
So yes, the glee scene:
Josh was absolutely gagged that Tommy was Abby's ex fiance
Buck's first instinct is to see the situation from Abby's side and go into protective mode which is adorably loyal to be fair but also like ; get a grip
I actually love Josh's framing of "you care about this person and if you want a future in a queer relationship you need to learn that we don't all come to this the same way"
Did they need a cultural reference? No. Were they going to self referentially congratulate Ryan Murphy for inflicting it on the world? Yes.
And regarding the breakup itself:
What is wrong with this fandom's sense of humor that I haven't seen a gif of "I'm the himbo" ??? Like yes babe u sure are come here
Buck is really working so hard in this scene to make sure Tommy knows that he's serious. He's like... this freaked me out but I've decided I'm cool with it. She changed my life but not like you !!!
Like bless his heart, Buck thought he was really doing the right thing by telling Tommy about Abby BEFORE ASKING HIM TO MOVE IN WITH HIM. like MY CARDS ARE ON THE TABLE??? SEE??? LOVE ME FOREVER !! it's adorable and it's also cringe as fuck.
I think the real sin of the writing here is making Buck so completely clueless that this is the wrong move. Like he's kind of an idiot (Eddie Diaz's words not mine) but moving in with someone after dating them for six months in your 30s is WILD behavior and I don't think even Evan Buckley would fail to realize that this is a bit much in this moment.
But idk being in love makes one do stupid things? I did all of my messy bitch relationship shit before I turned 30 but I guess it is buck we are talking about
I completely understand why Tommy reacts the way he does in this scene and bless Lou Ferrigno Jr for acting it with such nuance, much more depth than the scene frankly deserves. What a heartbreaker. Like you see him tense up at Buck's request
"I'm not saying let's get married or engaged, even though we would have the right, thanks to the brave people who came before, including you." such an insane thing to say to your boyfriend. Whoever approved this script was trying to take me out like with a gun.
You then see the absolute grief in Tommy's eyes like oh god this kid is killing me. He's so sweet. He's so cute. He doesn't get it. I love him. He doesn't get it.
As an aside, Eddie being stalked in the juice bar by the hot priest was absolutely incredible.
I didn't hate this episode but wow the writing does suck shit, however I fully believe it makes sense for them to break up here and get back together in the future ??? because Buck DOES have some shit to figure out. Like moving in with someone is a lot of fucking intimacy REALLY fast and baby boy sometimes you NEED to pump the brakes a little ESPECIALLY when you think someone might be THE ONE and you just figured out you like guys six months ago.
I get it and yeah the writing is tragic and the inclusion of Abby in general is just unhinged and unnecessary but like I don't hate the broad strokes here. how else does the blorbo learn if not by ritual torture by the writers. Lou is too good to not have back though. My god what a treasure.
end bucktommy endgame truther transmission
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pretty-little-mind33 · 2 hours ago
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Tangerine x stripper fem!reader
Mini-series summary: When Tangerine opened an underground strip-club to cover for his murder-for-hire business operation, he wasn't expecting to become so easily distracted by one girl in particular.
Chapter summary: Accidentally walking into something you shouldn't have causes you to learn about Tangerine's real business, effectively creating a rift between you and him (4.8k) + epilogue (1.6k)
Warnings: blood, violence, slut shaming, murder, drugs, alcohol, guns, illusions to sexual assault and mentions of death but nothing happens, still a happy ending!
credit : @little-miss-dilf-lover 🤍🤍 thank you endlessly!
BAD FOR BUSINESS MASTERLIST
You're sitting on Tangerine's desk during your break. He's working on his laptop, listening to you blabber with intention, only half focused on his work. Instead, his focus is drawn to the way you cross your legs, the baby-blue babydoll dress you're wearing tonight hugs your curves and that bow in your hair is making him lose focus. 
You've barely touched your yogurt and Tangerine flips a page, interrupting you: "You should eat, love." He reminds you and you nod, taking another spoonful. 
"And then Nicola told him to fuck off," you continue, through your mouthful, "which was hilarious. You should have seen his face! Scummy bastard! Annette and I were laughing so hard," you laugh at your own story. Tangerine seems a little less amused. 
"Is Nicola okay? Customers should not be making comments like that."
You smile a little, placing your yogurt on his desk and leaning closer to him. One of your heels rests on his chair now, your hand playing with his hair. "She's fine, babe, you know we can take care of ourselves."
Tangerine looks up now, his gaze stern. "Yeah, I know," he says and then sighs, "I just worry."
"I know," you laugh and kiss his cheek. You sit up and jab your spoon into your yogurt again. "Honestly, I don't even know why you do this job. You hate anything to do with this business."
Tangerine is quiet. He turns to his laptop again, your words sinking in. If only you knew, he thinks.
"I don't hate you," he says softly, almost embarrassed. He feels shitty. He wishes he could tell you the truth about what this is, and he wishes he could officially ask you to be his girl. He wishes for a lot of things he can't fulfill. 
Not now. 
You smile, opening your mouth to say something else, when the door suddenly swings open. Startled, you stand up and adjust your little dress, suddenly self-conscious at being caught in your boss's office during your break. No one usually comes in, especially unannounced. 
Tangerine stands as well, discreetly putting himself in front of you as a tall, lanky man dressed in a grey suit walks in. His hair is jet black and he has rectangular glasses perched on his nose that hide a dark pair of eyes. He looks a little older than Tangerine, maybe mid-thirties, and he pauses when he sees you. 
"Fucking our employees now, Tangerine," the man smirks. You recognize him as the other boss. He's barely around anymore, but you remember meeting him on your first week.
Unlike Tangerine, this man has always make your stomach feel queasy. 
You tense a little and grab your yogurt from the desk you now realize Tangerine most likely shares with this man. Tangerine looks even tenser than you are and he turns to you, sending you a look that you read as "Go. Please." 
You nod, quickly walking to the door and down the stairs. Tangerine relaxes a little once you're out the door but he continues to glare at Leo.
"No one is fucking anyone," he says as calmly as he can. 
"In that suit, I'm not surprised you can't get a girl like her," Leo whistles, dropping his briefcase as he hangs his coat. "Which one was that already? Candy? Diamond? She's smoking hot."
Tangerine holds his tongue. He doesn't want Leo to know of his feelings for you so he just corrects him. "Angel. You should really know our employees' stage names by now."
Leo rolls his eyes as he walks over, picking up a folder. "They're strippers. Who cares?" He reads over the documents and then looks up at Tangerine. "Thanks for taking over when I was away, mate, why don't you go take a break, hm?"
Tangerine's jaw clenches. He hates how Leo thinks he can boss him around when he's always the one doing the work. He hesitates for a moment. Usually, he isn't afraid to call Leo out on his bullshit but he has more important things to worry about than his ego. He wants to check on you. 
He didn't even get to kiss you goodbye. 
"Oi, T," Leo calls just as Tangerine walks out the door. Tangerine groans and peeks his head back into the room, an annoyed look on his face. "Meeting tonight, remember?" Leo's words ring in Tangerine's ears and his expression falters for a moment. 
He'd completely forgotten. 
"Ya, I remember," he says roughly, his voice strained as he ignores the impending doom he feels in his stomach as he turns to rush down the stairs to find you.
* * * 
You slip on your mary-janes, grab your woolen coat, and hurry out the door. It's late and you're the last girl here. You've been having this awful habit of daydreaming lately, your stomach filled with butterflies as you remember Tangerine's lips on yours, his hands caressing your skin. You shake the thoughts, turning to lock the backroom with the spare keys you have. 
You hum, thinking back to the words Tangerine had whispered in your ear when he'd found you after you'd hurried from his office. You make me happy. You feel your cheeks warm as you remember the quick kiss he'd given you in the dark corner near the bathroom and how stupid it is that he manages to make that sketchy corner into something so romantic. 
You'd usually leave from the backdoor, but tonight you decide to walk through the lounge in case Tangerine hasn't gone home yet. Sometimes, he waits for you without even needing to be asked. However, this time, the lounge is empty.
You look up, seeing that the blinds to Tangerine's office are shut but that the light is on. You can see faint movement behind the blinds and the movements pique your interest. 
Is Tangerine working late?
It hadn't even crossed your mind to remember Leo's arrival just a few hours earlier. 
You walk up the stairs, holding your bag over your shoulder. You can hear hushed voices; multiple male voices you don't recognize and your stomach flips with nerves. You know you should turn around, you really should, but you don't.
You're too curious. 
The office door isn't fully closed and without thinking, you gently push on it with your open palm, freezing when you peer inside. There are four men in the room; all of them are large and scary with various guns displayed on their bodies. They're laughing obnoxiously, discussing something about a latest kill.
You bite the inside of your cheek, scanning the room as you listen in. You see Tangerine and Leo in the center, leaning over the desk as they look at what appears to be plans of some sort. More guns lay on the desk and the entire room smells like smaok and drugs. 
"40 million quid for three men dead, easy," one man laughs, flicking his cigar into the ashtray. 
Leo chuckles, clapping Tangerine on the back. "What do you say, mate? Sounds like a good one, hm?"
Tangerine nods, still looking over the plan, his eyebrows pinched. "I suppose three kills is simple."
You're frozen in shock. Kills? 40 million? Your mind can't seem to wrap your head around what's happening. You look at Tangerine and for the first time in weeks, you don't recognize the man you're looking at. You back up, holding your breath. 
You need to get out of here. 
"Bloody hell, who do we have here?" A man's hoarse voice echoes around the room and suddenly, his hand is wrapping around your arm and dragging you inside.
Your bag falls to the ground. You let out a gasp, squirming in the man's grip but he holds you still. He's much taller than you and much stronger. He smells like alcohol and you can see the gun on his hip and you hold your breath in fear. 
The men whistle at your entrance, laughing amongst themselves. The only man who isn't finding this amusing is Tangerine; he's tense, his dark blue eyes locked with yours as he wears an expression you can't read, but his chest is rising and falling rapidly. 
"Oh, look who it is, it's Angel again," Leo barks a cruel laugh, sauntering around the desk as he approaches you slowly. His hand raises and he caresses your cheek with his knuckles. You wince, pulling away from his touch as if he's burning you and Leo pouts, faking pity. 
"This one of yer strippers?" a man asks. He's much older than the others, his hair whitening, and he's grinning at you like one of your customers would. 
Leo nods, wrapping his hand in your hair to keep you from squirming again. "Yup," he pops the "p" and grins, "Isn't she just a prize? Tangerine sure knows how to pick 'em."
Tears brim in your eyes at the implication. What had he told them? You look at him, watching him just stand there. He hasn't moved or said a word.
You're shaking now, terrified at being trapped in this situation. You aren't usually helpless but they're outnumbering you, and they have guns. 
Leo pulls on your hair a little, making you gasp in pain again. The other man wraps his arm around your waist, grinning. 
"You shouldn't have wandered in here, little mouse," Leo whispers. He smiles when he sees the tears on your cheeks. "Because you know what this means, hm? Can't have you scurrying off and snitching on us—"
Your eyes widen and you squirm harder. "No-no-no please, I won't tell anyone! Please. Tangerine!" You sob, angling yourself towards Tangerine as you try and yank yourself out of the man's grip.
The other men look towards him. "Ya close with the stripper?" One snarls, his smirk evident.
Leo keeps his hand in your hair, pulling on it to shut you up. You muffle your sobbing in fear of angering them anymore. Tangerine doesn't speak, his gaze intense, and the men take that as a no. Leo turns to you again and laughs. "Such a shame. She's so pretty. She must bring us a lot of money."
"Can I have a turn with her before we kill her?" The man holding your waist asks, earning some raucous laughter and agreement from the others and you feel defeated. You keep looking at Tangerine, pleading with your eyes as you cry softly.
Leo untangles his hand from your hair and nods. "Sure, have your fun, boys. I don't fuck used goods," he laughs cruelly and embarrassment washes over you. "Now, where were we?" He looks at the plans again, clearly disinterested in what's happening to you.
The man holding you slides his hand up your stomach but before he can touch you more intimately, Tangerine's voice interrupts; "No," he says plainly. You sniff, struggling weakly now as it hurts to move in the men's arms. You watch him take his gun and slide it into the waistband of his trousers behind him. Leo looks up, confused. 
"My turn," Tangerine says, walking over and snapping his fingers. The men release you, making it clear Tangerine has authority. Your stomach sinks. Why hadn't he helped you then? You glance between him and Leo, not completelyunderstanding the dynamic, but as soon as you're not being held, you make a run for it. 
You don't get very far because Tangerine grabs you and holds you close to him. You cry, hitting him as you scream and thrash against his body.
"Let me go! Please! Please!" Your head is spinning and everything begins to hurt. You can smell his cologne, a smell that was so familiar and reassuring now feels tainted and wrong. When he wraps his hand around your mouth, you gasp for air and dig your nails into his wrist, drawing blood. He hisses in pain but only tightens his hold on you. 
"Shut up," he growls in your ear. You can hear his heart thumping in his chest and you begin to calm down so that you can breathe properly. 
The other men watch in amusement. "Feisty little mouse," one exclaims. They all laugh.
"I'll take care of her," Tangerine says hoarsely, breathing heavily, still holding you so you don't move and the more he speaks, the harder you want to cry, "This little slut has been teasing me for weeks. She owes me," he pauses, and his voice is a little shaky, "and then I'll get rid of her."
The other men seem disappointed but Leo smirks, "No funny business, hm?"
Tangerine nods, his voice steady. "No. I'll be back in an hour." 
The men all laugh and whistle and Tangerine presses his lips to your ear. "Don't scream when I move my hand, okay? Please." He whispers the last part for only you to hear and your chest tightens. Your vision is blurred with tears but when he removes his hand, you find yourself obeying him.
Some desperate part of is still hoping he'll save you. 
He's rough as he yanks you with him down the stairs. Dread fills you and you start crying again, trying desperately to run in the opposite direction. Tangerine doesn't reprimand you for the noise as he pulls out outside and into a small alley near the bulging, the door slamming shut behind you. You're not screaming anymore, only crying. 
"Please don't hurt me," you sob, trembling as he pushes you against the brick wall. "Please," you plead with him. Tangerine doesn't answer but his gaze is dark. He reaches behind him and grabs his gun, unlocking it. You break down in tears, your hands shaking.
You squeeze your eyes shut, expecting him to press the barrel to your head, but instead, you feel his familiar warmth as he rests both hands against the wall near your head, and his forehead hovers over yours as he inhales shakily. You hiccup, still very obviously terrified. 
"I'm sorry," he whispers, his hands curling into fists on the wall. "I'm so sorry." 
You choke on a sob.
Tangerine pulls away, his hand hovering over your cheek as if he wants to wipe your tears away but instead, he drops it to his side and looks into your eyes. "Run. Go home," he pauses and you can see that his own eyes look glossy with tears. "Don't come back. Please. Stay away. I'm so fuckin' sorry, angel," he says.
Your voice is caught in your throat.
"I love you," he continues and you just stare at him. You're unable to move. You don't know how to process any of this information. 
Tangerine panics and slams his hand on the wall. "Go! Now!" he screams and you gasp, tears falling down your cheeks as you push past him and run down the dark street, not even knowing where you're running to and you don't look back. You feel queasy and you can't wrap your head around what just happened as the scene replays in your head. 
Isn't she just a prize? Tangerine sure knows how to pick 'em.
I don't fuck used goods.
Don't come back. Please. Stay away. I'm so fuckin' sorry, angel.
I love you.
Back in the alley, Tangerine punches into the brick wall with a quiet shout. 
* * *
Tangerine slams the door to his apartment, cursing loudly as he throws off his blazer. His eyes are bloodshot and he sniffles, sinking into his favorite armchair and holding his head in his hands. Tangerine doesn't cry. He hasn't cried in years, but for the first time, he can't help himself. 
"What happened?" Lemon yawns, clearly having been woken up by the door slamming. When he sees the state his brother is in he pauses, his expression twisting. He stands in front of the armchair, unsure how to deal with this. 
"T," he begins. 
"She walked in on us," Tangerine states, his voice trembling. He fists his hair in his hands, clearly frustrated. "Y/n. She heard everything and they– they– scared 'er. They hurt 'er and I- just stood there and did absolutely fuckin' nothing!" 
Lemon is quiet as Tangerine stands and begins to pace the living room. He doesn't know how to help. "Tangerine," he tries again, walking closer, "It's okay. You couldn't have done anything– not with Leo and the others in the room—she'll understand—"
"Understand?" Tangerine spits, his anger only directed at himself, "She can't come back to work, because of this. I had to make the think I- I- killed her. God, Lemon, I can never see her again. I ruined everything. But, I couldn't hurt her. I could never hurt her. I- she– she might call the cops on us—"
Lemon grips his nape, holding him still. "Y/n wouldn't tell anyone." 
Tangerine stares into his brother's eyes. "She would have every right to, Lemon. And that's not the point, I— They– fuck–"
He breaks down, remembering your scared expression and how he had done nothing, and leans his head on Lemon's shoulder. "I ruined the only good fuckin' thing I had going for me. I really fucked up."
Lemon just holds him, not sure what to do or say to make this better. 
* * *
You've been spending the last four days in bed, crying your heart out. You've shut your phone off. You've been ignoring all the worried texts and calls from your friends, missing all your uni classes and of course, missing your job. 
Don't come back.
Tangerine's words ring in your ears and you press a pillow against them, curling up in a ball. You've been feeling sick since the encounter, remembering the men and their words and the implications of their words. The way they looked, the way they talked, how they tried to touch you.
Tangerine was a criminal, they'd been preparing a kill. He kills people. You can't seem to wrap your head around it. Sure, he was always a little cold and he seemed extra gentle with you as if he was making up for something, but you would have never imagined this. 
You sob harder into your pillow, your heart breaking. 
A few hours later, you're in your kitchen when you hear the knock on your door and you pause. Your heart leaps. You're in an old, paint-stained shirt, and some worn-out sleep shorts. You hear the knock again and pause again. This time, you hurry across the floorboards and peek through the peephole. Your breath hitches in your throat and you frown. 
You unlock the old latch from your old apartment door and open it. "Hello?"
Lemon tilts his head, catching your eye, "Hey," he says sheepishly, holding up a box that you assume contains a pastry. "Can I come in?"
You hesitate, chewing on the inside of your cheek. Lemon wasn't in the room that night. He might not be involved. You know that's probably bullshit but curiosity gets the better of you again.
Plus, he has food and you're starving.
You open the door and let him in, holding out your hand for the pastry. Lemon smiles and hands it to you. He motions to the dining room and you nod. He follows you and you grab a fork silently, sitting down at your small table and opening the box.
You read the label; it's from your favorite bakery. The one you'd taken Tangerine to one weekend, on one of the outings you'd never outwardly said was a date. Inside is a chocolate croissant, your favorite, and your stomach twists. 
You look up at Lemon who sat down in the chair opposite yours and he sends you a small smile. "He sent you, didn't he?"
Lemon nods. "He didn't think you'd want to see him."
You fiddle nervously with the box. "I don't want to see him," you say, your voice shaking a little. 
Lemon nods again, clicking his tongue and looking down. "Listen, I know you're scared but my brother isn't a bad guy. He isn't. And he cares for you. A lot." 
Tangerine's three-word confession rings in your ears and you can't deny the truth in Lemon's words. Still, you don't succumb that easily as your eyebrows crinkle. 
"If he cares for me, as you say, he would have spoken up for me in that room."
Lemon sighs, "It isn't that simple. Tangerine and Leo–they have a complicated history and it would have been even more dangerous to speak out in a room full of—"
"Criminals," you finish for him, nodding. You close the pastry box, staring at Lemon with a hard expression. "You weren't there, Lemon. You can't understand how scary it was to be surrounded by a bunch of dangerous men, realizing you can't even trust the one man you thought you could."
Lemon listens, his gaze stuck on yours.
"Frankly, I don't think even think he meant it when he told me he loves me—"
Lemon's face twists and he shakes his head, clearly confused. "He told you he loves you?"
You pause, fiddling with the box again. "Yeah he did but—"
"No—no, my– my brother, he doesn't just say that to anyone. He doesn't say it if he doesn't mean it," Lemon says and you become quiet, hearing the solemn and serious tone in his voice, "And I know he fucked up, but now i really fuckin' think you should hear him out. He's outside, by his car. You should talk to him. And if you never want to see either of us again after, I promise we'll leave you alone. I promise, Y/n." 
You ponder his words, looking up at him. Some part of you wants to ignore the knowledge that Tangerine is downstairs, waiting for you. You want to push him away, tell Lemon to fuck off and to never think about them again, but that's impossible. 
I love you.
Tangerine's words are engraved in your memory. You can still feel his lips on your skin, the way he touches you with care, the way he looks at you like you're the only thing that matters. Your heart warms, just remembering how sweet he was.
And then you remember his hand covering your mouth, his harsh words, and your stomach drops.
You take a breath, grounding yourself. You don't know what to do, but some twisted fucked up part of you knows that if you don't go down and at least talk to him, you'll regret it forever. 
"Okay," you say seriously and stand, walking into the living room and grabbing a hoodie. "One chance," you add, grabbing your keys. You lock your door behind you and then walk down the stairs behind Lemon.
Once the outside air hits your skin, you pause. Tangerine is standing by the car, just like Lemon said, and when he hears the door open he turns expectantly. 
"What did she—" his voice falters when he sees you behind his brother. "Oh."
You're silent as you keep a distance from him. Lemon senses the tension and clears his throat. He excuses himself and turns to take a walk. Tangerine watches him leave, half hoping he'd stay. He turns to you again and shame contorts his expression. He walks forward only to have you back up against the building. 
"I'm not gonna hurt you," Tangerine whispers, his voice quivering. 
You glare at him, tightening your arms around you. The noise of the city fades into the background as you process his words. You shake your head, your voice is strained and you hope he can't tell you might burst into tears at any moment. 
"How can I believe you? You lied." 
Tangerine shakes his head. "I never lied to you."
"Well, you kept something from me! Something big!" you argue, your sadness turning into anger and when he walks forward again, you meet him and stab your hand in his chest, "Don't pretend you didn't have any opportunities to tell me! And don't pretend you didn't think I would have liked to know this is who my boyfriend really is!" 
Tangerine blinks, his tongue skimming over his lips at the word boyfriend.  
You stutter, "Potential boyfriend. Someone I was seeing—"
"I know," he interrupts you, running a hand in his hair. "I know I should have told you. I should have warned you before I started to become involved with you, okay? But can you blame me?"
"Well no," you interrupt and roll your eyes, "if I was a killer I wouldn't want anyone to know—"
Tangerine shakes his head, his gaze hard. "Y/n. It was never about me. I couldn't care less what happened to me. I mean, sure, it would hav' sucked and it will if you do tell anyone, but I truly don't care what happens to me—" his voice sounds stern again and your eyes are locked on his as you listen.
He walks closer and this time, you don't move. "I only cared for you. I care for you. I stayed awake at night dreading the very scenario that fuckin' happened. Imagining you looking at me the way you are now; with fear. Imagining worse— and it tore me up, darlin'." 
You soak in his words, swallowing a lump in your throat. "Then why didn't you stop them? Why pretend to want to hurt me if you love me so much—" The word love falls from your lips and Tangerine's expression visibly tenses. Still, he tries to explain. 
"Love, I had no choice," he says softly, "I was frozen in shock and I couldn't go against everyone in that room. You don't realize how worse that would have made the situation. I'm sorry. I wish I could have done more."
You shake your head, your voice low because of the morning crowd in the street, and add, "No. You had a choice. You always have a choice. You chose to just stand there and then pretend to want to hurt me? Do you realize how fucked up that is?"
Tangerine's jaw tenses and he holds out his hand as if he wants to caress your cheek but he pauses, frowning. He drops his arm.
"You're right. I did make a choice," he admits after a moment, reflecting on your words, "and I did what I thought was my best option in the worst possible situation. I'm really sorry I wasn't what you needed at that moment, and darlin', if I could go back, I'd do anything to prevent you from walking into that room—anything to keep you safe—but I was trying to protect you, even if you can't see it—"
He pauses and you glance at his lips, your gaze flickering to his eyes once more. "And you don't have to forgive me. You can even keep being angry with me. I can live with anger, but I'm here because I don't want there to be a single part of you that thinks I didn't care for you. That I don't care for you, because I do. I just- I want you to know how much I care. How I would never hurt you like they wanted to. Never. I- I adore you, everything about you; how you drive me absolutely mad when you're away and how you involuntarily draw me in with your laughter whenever you're around—
And I'm a smitten fool to think I ever deserved you," Tangerine continues and his voice becomes softer, "I just, please know that my feelings for you are very real. Please know that hurting you like this was the last thing I ever wanted and it will haunt me forever because I love you. I love you so damn much it hurts." 
There is that word again and you pause, heart beating as you listen to him. You find yourself leaning into him and you can clearly see tears in his eyes, threatening to spill at every word. They mirror your own and yet you can't find the words to answer him. 
At least not until he sighs and turns to leave, and your chest tightens;
"No wait," you gasp instinctively, grabbing his wrist so he turns around. When he does, you wrap your arms around his neck, practically throwing yourself into his arms.  
Tangerine's arms tighten across your middle, burying his face in your shoulder as he lets out a shaky breath. "Angel," he whispers as you tighten your hold on him too. 
"I don't forgive you, not completely, not yet," you admit breathlessly, but hold onto him anyways. "But you promise you love me?" You ask in his ear, sounding insecure. "You promise you'll keep me safe? Promise it. Please."
"I fuckin' promise," he says instantly with no hesitation, as he strokes a hand down your hair to soothe you. "I love you. I promise I mean this."
You nod, taking a moment to pause and inhale his cologne. Your mind fills with words from his apology, words that don't feel like empty promises, and instead of the memories from that night, all you feel is safe again.
You pull away and look at him seriously. "And no more pretending you don't want me to be yours, okay? No holding back this time, not now that I know—"
Tangerine nods, his warm hand cupping your cheek, "No more pretending. You're mine. My girl. If you'd still like to be? If you'll have me?" 
You crack a small smile, nodding, "I would like that," you say wearily, still holding back those three little words.
Tangerine understands and doesn't press you. His heart beams, threatening to leap at you as if offering himself. He drops his arms, tightens his hands on your hips, he pulls you in and he presses his lips to yours.
It's delicate and loving and he's taking his time, savoring you. You relax in his arms, cupping his cheek. You can't help but smile against his lips, which causes the same smile from Tangerine and you laugh as he rests his forehead on yours.
"I love you," he whispers again and deep down, you know he truly means it.
FIN ♡
Epilogue - 6 months later
It took a while for your relationship with Tangerine to return to normal. In fact, it took a while for anything to feel normal again. You'd lost your job, having to lay low for three months or so because Tangerine needed Leo to keep thinking you were dead. But he had promised it was going to be easy and over with. He was the one who had records—your real name—Leo didn't, he never did. Tangerine promised there was no way that bastard could reach you. That he wouldn't let him. 
"He's not very bright," Lemon had promised you, not hiding his disdain for the man. 
And you chose to believe them.
It had taken a few months to fully digest Tangerine's career. He's tried to explain the best he could that it wasn't fun for him. That is was his work and he was good at his job. He was good at taking down bastards who deserved it, for one reason or another.
"Think of it like a more illegal version of your future job—executing bastards who deserve it," Tangerine had said nonchalantly.
"A fucked up illegal version," you retorted, sending him a dirty look and Tangerine shrugs, holding your hand and squeezing.
It definitely took a while but eventually, you came to terms with his profession.
Because you'd lost your income, Tangerine had also promised to take care of you until you finished your studies. You ended up staying with him and Lemon after the first two months, and luckily the commute to the university from his apartment was far less distance than from yours.
And anyways, living with Lemon and Tangerine was proving more entertaining than you'd expected.  
"Who hid my toothbrush?!" Lemon grumbles one evening, storming into the kitchen where Tangerine is making his famous pasta sauce. You're reading him your essay and pause, looking up from your laptop. 
"You need it now? We haven't had dinner," you say, glancing at Tangerine with a small smirk as he cuts up some tomatoes. 
Tangerine just rolls his eyes, ignoring his brother as he focuses on not chopping up his fingers. "No one hid your toothbrush, Lemon. We're fuckin' adults, not children," he says and glances at you, reaching over and tapping his finger on the counter near your laptop, "Wanna continue, my love? I'm really liking this one."
You laugh, looking at him with a cheeky grin. "Yeah, I bet you do, babe. It's on organized crime," you turn to look at Lemon, who seems a little less distressed over his toothbrush and now more invested in the conversation as he leans on the counter.
You turn back to Tangerine as he pours the tomatoes into a pan. "Y'know, if I end up working as a lawyer and you got caught for being some criminal mastermind, I could prosecute you."
Lemon barks a laugh, "Oi, don't jinx him!" 
You frown, shaking your head. "I'm not! I'm just saying!"
Tangerine comes up and presses a kiss to your forehead. "Or you could represent me. Y'know, be my lawyer," he says and winks.
"How romantic," Lemon teases and walks over to read your essay over your shoulder. "This shit seems complicated as fuck."
"It is," you say and chew on your pencil as you read the notes you have next to your laptop.
"My smart girl," Tangerine hums, stirring the sauce now as he wipes his hand on his apron. Lemon smirks at him and walks behind him, ruffling his hair a little just to tease him for being such a softie for you. Tangerine pushes him off. 
You're lost in thought, re-reading your essay in your head as the brothers argue playfully in the background. 
Later that night, you're brushing your hair in the mirror while Tangerine trims his mustache. You're unusually quiet and he knows instantly that something is up. Still, he doesn't mention it until the lights are off and you're snuggled against his chest, his arm under your head as he plays with his hair and listens to the ceiling fan.  
"What's going on in that pretty head of yours, love?"
You hum, circling hearts on his chest as you snuggle against him. You hold your tongue until he taps your head, prompting you to answer him. "It's nothing," you whisper. 
"Try me," Tangerine says into the darkness, his voice soft. 
"I was joking back then but—what if it happens? What if one day, I have to represent you," you say after a moment of silence, your voice strained. "Or I have to actually prosecute you—"
Tangerine chuckles slowly, still stroking your hair. "I doubt you'll have to do any of those things, darlin', considering we're together—isn't that against your rules?"
You pause, holding him closer. "I mean yes and no but—" you pause, "what if, y-you don't come home because something went wrong or—you actually end up in prison," your voice fades and you go quiet again and Tangerine understands what this is about. He's never actually stopped to think about how you worry for him. How it must weigh on you, learning what you do, and to know all the things that could happen to him. 
"Hey," he says and sits up to turn on the bedside lamp. He pulls you up with him and turns to look at you. "Sweetheart, nothing is gonna happen to me. I'm careful, ya know that." He strokes your cheek, wiping under your worried eyes as he taps your nose. "You have nothing to worry about."
You look at him, still worried. "But, how can you be so sure?"
Tangerine smiles and nuzzles his nose against yours, kissing your lips sweetly. As much as he doesn't want you to worry about him like this, it's kind of endearing. He pulls away and pulls on your bottom lip, smiling. "Because there is nothing in this world that could keep me away from you. I won't let it happen."
His words warm your chest and you smile, leaning into his touch as you kiss him. His hands cup your face as you climb onto his lap, straddling his hips. Your hands find his hair as you kiss him, tasting him as if you're starved of him.
"Promise?"
Tangerine nods between kisses. "I promise, angel." 
You continue to kiss him, occasionally rocking your hips into his as he groans softly into your lips. It's sensual and soft and you're both exhausted. Tangerine runs his hands up your back, holding you. "I love you," he says, sucking love bites onto your neck. 
You hum and say, "I love you," back as you kiss him again and dip down to give him your own set of marks. He groans, happiness filling him as he reaches back for the lamp and manages to turn it off again, plunging you both in darkness again. 
"Mine," he whispers against your hair and you nod. 
"Yours."
* ~ *
my dear reader, this was such a fun mini-series and i am incredibly proud of the writing in this. i really hope you enjoyed it as much as i enjoyed writing it and sharing it with you all! xo
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gallusrostromegalus · 2 days ago
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I think there's two things going on in canon about Aizen:
Aizen doesn't kill captains in the first big battle of his betrayal because he can't.
1. The doylist explanation of his actions is so blatantly transparent (shonen jump scheduling hell) that it overwhelms the subtle watsonian clues that kubo gives us which are:
2. Aizen is a lying bitch. To absolutely everyone around him, but most of all, to himself.
He takes great pains to disguise it. He talks a big game and definitely tries his best to kill, but he doesn't. it makes tactical sense for him to kill at least SOMEONE before fucking off to hueco Mundo but even the fucking off belies the problem. He's a tough customer, but if he really were capable of killing another captain in a fight, he wouldn't have bothered with the whole fake corpse theater- he would have just picked them off one by one while quietly completing the hogyoku until Yamamoto had straight-up run out of strong enough shinigami to promote and Aizen had made himself a god while nobody was looking.
Instead, Aizen's plan relies on (and fails at) having the captains kill each other, and building an army of warm bodies to put between himself and the rest of the Court Guard until the Hogyoku is complete, which pretty much screams "I cannot win, even in a pitched fight".
EVEN WHEN THE HOGYOKU IS COMPLETE, Aizen doesn't stick around to actually finish off the captains- he bolts to the living world AGAIN and shuts the portal doors behind him.
-
Now that we know that Aizen is mostly smoke and mirrors who is desperately trying to stay alive until his godhood hax kick in, his pattern of avoidance of real threats reveals something interesting:
It's funny that you mention him being afraid of Yamamoto because I think he is afraid, but not of Yamamoto. Aizen doesn't want anyone to think he's scared of anything, but it's better you think it's Yamamoto than The Actual Problem. If you ignore everything Aizen says and just look at how close he's willing to even let other captains get to his person, there is one captain he's TERRIFIED of above all others.
He spends exactly one scene in the same room with them, and only when he knows the meeting is ending early.
He absolutely refuses to taunt them- in fact, they're the person he spends the most time trying to convince that he is actually dead.
When confronted by the various captains, he glaots a bit and then tries to kill them- except one, whole monologues at exactly long enough for Gin to cause a distraction, and then DIPS. He even cuts his big monologue at the execution grounds short because this Captain is incoming.
When the finale of the winter war begins, Aizen makes a point of not being in the same dimension as this captain, and when they're approaching, he leaves for the living world.
Again and again and again, there is one captain, one person, that Aizen stays far, far away from:
Unohana.
I don't think this is intentional on Kubo's part, (unless it's severely underplayed foreshadowing which is a shame) but given how kubo treats his female characters and how he doesn't really seem to understand what a doctor does, I think Aizen's pattern of staying the hell away from Unohana is accidental, but it's my fic and I can have it be on purpose because it reveals some truly delicious motivation and interaction.
1. AEIWAM!Aizen (and to a similar extent, canon!Aizen) regularly squanders perfectly good resources or chances to fix the inequities of soul society because he's too far up his own ass to see the forest for the trees. One of the cheif blindspots he has is his rampant misogyny. Aizen regards the relationship between Gin and Rangiku as that of child and toy. He treats Momo as a disposable tool instead of recognizing she was the one who got closest to actual killing any of the other captains. He seems to think the royal guard themselves will be easy to deal with- possibly because the only one he ever knew in person was Hikifune, and it is so, so easy for a man like him to wildly low all the power and competence of someone like her. He rambles about the hollows having no inner life, but notably it's Hallibel that triggers this rant. It NEVER occurs to him that Orihime herself could be a problem - she's just a toy to take from Ichigo.
Aizen, simply put, does not think of women as people. He disregards the interiority of everyone around him, really, but ESPECIALLY the women around him.
...but this kind of objectification cuts both ways. Like most bigots, his inability to think of certain humans as people means he is also prone to greatly inflate the damage they can do in his mind until they become supernatural entities. "The Enemy is both pathetic and omnipotent" is an important basis of victim complexes, and Aizen Loooooves being the victim, so it makes PERFECT SENSE that his personal Boogeyman is none other than the woman he knows entirely as the quiet and dutiful doctor who has never set foot in battle but that all the older shinigami seem strangely eager to placate. Unohana is pathetically weak, so far as Aizen can tell, yet seems to effortlessly command the respect he so desperately craves. No wonder she lives rent-free in his head.
2. ... Ironically, Aizen is right about her. In canon, Unohana's past as the first kenpachi is not a secret, just largely forgotten. In AEIWAM, it's an actual secret because the Gotei-13 is playing a much more fraught game with the C46. Aizen genuinely has no idea she used to be captain of the 11th, so the weird bloodthirsty edges that he sometimes sees to her reiatsu, and the respect she commands with the other (smarter) captains is baffling.
In truth, Unohana is every inch the monster she was as a kenpachi as she is a medic. Flesh is hers to command and her willingness to cut and sculpt it to her desires hasn't changed- she is just now also capable of healing and reviving it into shape as well, which is much, much worse.
I haven't decided exactly how much Aizen knows about her by the time of his betrayal, but at least on a subconscious level, I think Aizen knows that Unohana is punching in a league well above most of the captains, if not above the old man himself at this point, and his inability to think of her as human means he is unable to assign human motives to her like most of his victims, so she appears terrifyingly unpredictable.
3. Even if it's a secret, some of the captains know, or have guessed. She was still Kenpachi when Shunsui and Ukitake started at the academy. Soi Fon is responsible for handling some of soul society's most sensitive information. Zaraki got his ass handed to him by her and has been in love ever since. Rangiku looked into giving blood once and realized that the most of donors to transplants didn't add up and the meat had to be coming from SOMEWHERE and oh wait that would explain everything huh.
There's a fun bit of play, I think, between the captains who knows Unohana is more than she at first appears, and the ones who haven't gotten a clue yet.
I may have wandered off topic.
MY POINT IS: Aizen doesn't kill captains when it makes tactical sense for him to do so because he is not capable of doing so. His whole strategy relies on not getting killed before he gets his godhood and up until he does, he's running like a rat.
Poor bastard.
If only he knew what was in store for him when he got there.
I did not care at all for Aizen Sosuke when I first read bleach. I found him boring, and worst, unthreatening.
So it's pretty jarring for me that I have been OBSESSED with him in your AU. I'm rotating him at great speed
Walt Disney was a jackass who was flat-out wrong about a lot of very important things, but he employed a great many geniuses of storytelling, and there's a piece in Disney Animation: The Illusion of Life by Frank Thomas and Ollie Johnson that discusses a key feature of Disney Studios Character Design:
"Of all characters, villains are the most fun to develop because they make everything else happen. They are the instigators, and always more colorful than the Hero. They may be dramatic, awesome, insidious or semi-comic, but they MUST be appealing. Almost any story becomes innocuous if all the evil is eliminated, but we do not necessarily gain strength by being frightening. we want a character that will hold the audience and entertain them, even if it's a Chilling Type of Entertainment."
And I've found that to be an important principle of character design, especially the kind of canon restructuring I do.
Aizen had a LOT going for him in canon- for all of Bleach's other faults, Aizen's conspiracy and THE REVEAL are spectacularly constructed and executed. I legit screamed and threw my mug across my dorm room when I read it in the manga the first time. He's also conventionally attractive and the translations I was reading gave him the speech patterns of Every Douchebag In Your 101 Political Theory Who Thinks He's The Smartest Man In The Room, which made him a terrific combination of Unfortunately Charming, Menacingly Competent and Engagingly Obnoxious.
...But he falls flat in a few key places.
Aizen's reasoning could be MUCH more sympathetic- After all, he is RIGHT. Soul Sciety does suck ass and all the options kind of suck. Who designs a universe like that? An asshole who needs killing, that's who. The best kind of Unhinged Madmen are the kind who spell out their reasoning and you realize that there but for the grace of Not Having Super Powers Go I. Canon!Aizen makes a few Good Rhetorical Points, but seems to lack any personal connection to his all-consuming plan.
Another issue is that nearly every villain with A Plan has a clear end goal AND a lot of the menace is drawn from the fact that the plan *could* work. Aizen's plan for betraying the court guard and then killing them off before proceeding into the Royal Realm to Kill God sorta falls apart when it's clear he planned to use pretty much all his accumulated forces dealing with the court guard and doesn't seem to have a plan for the Even More Powerful Royal Guard, let alone God. For how meticulously planned the rest of the plot is, the last two VERY IMPORTANT steps are just handwaved.
So I sat down and started with the plot beats Aizen MUST hit, and tried to imagine what kind of guy would he have to be to get there? And I came up with this:
Sosuke Aizen is a fundamentally good man with genuinely good intentions who is really trying his best for the whole world.
Think about it- what lengths would you NOT go to if you think you found a genuine shot at Fixing Everything Wrong With The World Forever? We all talk about killing Hitler if we found an actual Time Machine- would you do it if your only chance was when he was a baby? Would you kill an infant if it meant you could stop World War II before it starts? Of course you would! One small life for over 75 million? You'd be insane not to! What if you found out that you could prevent the future extinction of Humanity by killing your best friend today? Ten Billion lives? For theirs? It's simple, really- Hell, it's your Moral Obligation to do that if you were SURE!
-And Aizen IS sure. He is absolutely, totally, completely sure that He Can Save Everyone if he just gets rid of that idiot sitting on the throne of heaven. He's seen the plans! He knows where the gate of heaven is! It's So SIMPLE he just has to get inside, and he knows EXACTLY how to do it, yes it'll be hard and there will be... unpleasant parts but. IT. WILL. WORK.
He is of course, insane.
Aizen didn't have One Bad Day that set him irrevocably on the path of madness. It was a succession of catastrophic disappointments and realizations that he was living in a fundamentally irrational world that made irrational thinking look sane. The Catastrophe that befell his family, working for the central 46 and later the court guard and seeing how the organizations were inept to the point of abuse or corrupt to the core, learning that The Actual House Of God is a place he can just? Go to? Anyone would start thinking you were just a handful of white lies and homicides away from Fixing Everything, Forever.
Not only is Aizen insane, he is nowhere near as smart as he thinks. He is smart- He does have a knack for being able to guess just what will spur someone to action or make them recoil in fear. But mostly he gets extremely lucky Many, Many, MANY times. On some level I think it gives him Confirmation Bias that this is what he's supposed to be doing. Aizen is also nowhere near as smart as (nearly) everyone else thinks he is. His bizarrely good luck makes him look like a hyper-competent genius when really it was really the catastrophic failure of Soul Society as a Society that let a merely mediocre conspirator to evade detection for so long.
Being that he is at most, mediocre, he had to have Outside Help, specifically Gin's emotional support and Tousen's Competence- and if there's a part of the fic that stays true to canon, it's this.
Gin is Aizen's emotional rock in Canon. He's the ONE guy that Aizen genuinely trusts, and considers his 'my only real partner' in his scheme. There's more than one occasion in the manga where Aizen more or less asks Gin "Is this actually a good idea?" and Gin backs him up every time.
...Which is more than a bit at odds with Gin's later stated goal of "I did all this to kill you at your most vulnerable to protect rangiku" . It never rang true to me. So I started thinking why on EARTH Gin would be backing Aizen up like that, and realized there was a hole in my world building that he slotted into nicely :)
On the other hand, the entire fic was started because I didn't like how Tousen's character arc ended, so you can imagine how much he's changed.
But in canon, TOUSEN DOES ALL THE FUCKING WORK.
Lab work? Tousen.
Supervising the arrancar directly? Tousen
Actually getting victims for the Hogyoku experiments? Tousen.
Altering all the archives to keep Aizen's plot hidden? Tousen.
Sending all the Orders allegedly from the central 46? Tousen.
Making sure Unohana believes Aizen's fake body is real? Tousen.
Managing all the day-to-day operations at Las Noches? Tousen.
There's even this little exchange, which is Tousen's first appearance in the Manga:
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Aizen establishes this entire meeting is a little fake-out a few pages later with "now isn't that a convenieint time for the alarm to go off?"
which makes him look like he's investigating, but he's also going "Good job on disrupting everyone with the alarm Gin!" It's ballsy of Aizen to do a check-in on his plan with his main nemesis in the room, but also his style.
I think the same thing is happening here with Tousen. To make sure Ukitake wouldn't raise a huge fit about the proposed execution of his beloved lieutenant, which might fuck everything up for Aizen because Ukitake is one of like, three people Yamamoto will listen to (sort of).
...So he had Tousen poison Ukitake to keep him out of the way.
ALL. THE. FUCKING. WORK. It's even in his name! The characters for "Tousen" Refer to a legendary scholar the emperor of China sent out to discover the secret of immortality- only to kill the scholar when he returned with that secret. The character for "Kaname" means "Necessary/Vital/keystone" or "to organize/take account of". His name LITERALLY means "Scholar who is essential for the plan (that we're going to kill later)"
Another thing Kubo did well in Bleach: his name game is Off The Fucking Charts.
-but I digress.
In AEIWAM, it's much the same only this time Aizen sees this very dangerous witness who is immune to his illusions but also extremely snart and capable young man and instead of risking being caught out by the one damn guy who can see right through him, opts to Curse Kaname into doing as Aizen says, and doing all the fucking work of this conspiracy against his will.
It's Not Nice, but Aizen genuinely thinks he's doing Kaname a favor by subjecting him to this degrading and incredibly painful servitude- I mean, Aizen's only other option was to Kill him to keep his silence, and isn't it wonderful that you get to help fix the universe? You're the one always going on about Justice, I don't understand why you didn't jump at the chance to mete out some Divine Justice.
An Excerpt from the captain's meeting in between the Massacre that made the visored and Zaraki's arrival, when Kaname realizes Yamamoto is 100% serious about his promotion to captain of the 9th and goes to throw up in the garden. Aizen offers to go check on him while Unohana very politely reads the general the riot act:
---
"You broke your toy Aizen." Kaname coughs.
"…I really am sorry for running you ragged like this. I really shouldn't have gotten so mad about you hiding the the hogyoku- it was very petty of me." The bastard sighs, taking off his glasses and rubbing his face, entirely genuine.
Kaname stayed on his hands and knees, weaving slightly as another wave of nausea flowed through him, powered by disgust and rage.
"How about this- I've got a lot coming up with the new job, training Gin and disposing of Kiganjo- So how about I promise to not give you any orders for a while? You will have to keep our arrangement a secret and not interfere, of course, but other than that, you're free to do as you please for- a year and a day is traditional isn't it? No, that's not going to heal by then- Oh, would you look at that!"
Kaname didn't have the strength to offer his usual rebuttal that he won't look at anything, ever. The sides of his head tingle like his skul was being pressed between two enormous hands made of static electricity.
"It's 11:11! Alright, I won't give you any Orders until 11:11 am on November 11th, 1911. That's easy to remember! What do you think?" Aizen continued cheerfully, patting his back and the Curse nails.
"…I can't." Kaname groaned. He could scream if he had the energy, but due to Aizen's Illusions, nobody would hear him. "I actually physically can't think. Please…"
"Of course! You really are such a help to me, it would be a shame to lose you. I'll even amend our contract, so you don't get paranoid-" There was a sizzling sound and a new stroke of hot pain up Kaname's spine as Aizen did something to the wretched Bakudo. "There. No compulsions for eleven years and a day. What do you say?"
Kaname grimaced, but dropped his head. Save the energy to fight another day. "…thank you, Aizen-sama."
"Good man! Let's get you on your feet." Aizen beamed, putting his glasses back on and offering him an arm.
---
He genuinely thinks that he's doing everyone a huge favor and if they don't get it it's because they're just not smart enough, but it's alright, He's a Benevolent God and they'll appreciate all his hard work the next time around :)
Aizen is a man who is FULL of joy. He loves what he does! He actively takes pleasure in it! And I think that's something that REALLY delivers in terms of sympathy AND horror for him. Who *Wouldn't* have a great time actually fixing the universe? He's a good man who enjoys doing good works, and this is the greatest work of all!
It also Delivers on the Horror when I get to write the deliciously fun scenes where Aizen is Elbows-deep in a novel War Crime and waxing poetic about how GREAT this is, or being confused why the people around him are reacting with fear. Don't you want to make everything better too?
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blujayonthewing · 13 days ago
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I wish I had any way of knowing whether people have gotten Weirder™ about my name in recent years or if this has been happening behind the scenes the entire time
I've been going by Jay since I was 11. At the time nobody objected to or questioned this, at least not to me; I found out many years later that Jay is supposedly a "boy's name," but nobody ever said 'you can't use that as a nickname, it's a boy's name' and it went completely uncontested by anyone when I switched. Lots of kids announced some manner of name change at the start of a new school year in middle school; it was all normal and fine. My mom and, you know, grandmas and other relatives kept calling me Jessica, which was also fine! I didn't make a big family announcement or correct any relatives on this, I just wanted to differentiate myself from the half dozen other Jessicas in school.
For twenty years!! This has gone on being perfectly normal! My Real Name™ is an increasingly obscure bit of trivia I get to spring on friends who didn't realize I had one, which is always funny (my brother in law didn't believe me and demanded to see my driver's license). My mom and grandmas have largely still called me Jess, and that's also fine! It's nice, even! There's a particular intimacy there of having a name only my mother uses-- but, crucially, I have never asked her not to, or said that I don't like it. And as FAR AS I KNOW, this has all been true and fine for TWENTY YEARS.
My own feelings about it have never changed, and feel, to me, very straightforward: if I tell you that my name is Jay, and you decide that no it isn't, that is a problem. That's the rule. That's literally it. I had a high school teacher who asked on the syllabus for us to write down if we went by something other than our full name, who was nonetheless UNIQUE among all of my teachers from 6th grade onward in always and only ever calling me Jess, even though I signed all my work Jay, all the other teachers called me Jay, he literally asked whether anyone wanted to be called something else and I answered Jay, and I had him for two semesters. I met a work friend of Justin's once who asked upon introduction whether Jay was short for something, and when I told him it was short for Jessica he took it upon himself to call me Jess instead. This isn't me having a problem with any particular iteration of my name, this is just asshole behavior! I told you what my name was and you said 'no it isn't'. The problem here does not seem complex to me?
But within the last [hand wiggle] handful of years I feel like it keeps getting weirder? Apparently my dad and grandma argued about it at my wedding rehearsal-- she, dramatically, insisting 'I don't care, her name is Jessica, I'm going to call her that ;n;' and my dad angrily defensive that no it isn't, I go by Jay, that should be respected. And I'm sitting here listening to my dad relay this in utter bewilderment like. Well dad I love the energy but I have never been bothered at all if grandma calls me Jessica. I have never even once asked her not to or complained to anyone that she does. But also this is the grandma who HAS called me Jay more often than not?? My mom's mom never picked it up, but I was astonished to hear my dad's mom was acting like this was some New Dramatic Change that she Hated and not a thing she's literally already been doing for, again, twenty entire years. Why are you suddenly making it weird! Last weekend Justin's stepmom mentioned seeing my mom at the hospital where mom works, and how she said something like 'yes I'm Jessica's mom-- wait, no, Jay, she hates it when I do that' and I just?? I literally don't, the only problem now is that people who know me won't know who the fuck you're talking about
all of this and I'm just. I am literally just sitting here. why are we inventing problems out of this two decades later. what is going on
#I went by jess on purpose once in a college art class because there was a guy actually named jay#and I was like 'fuck this is why I dropped jessica in the first place' lmao#one time I put 'jay' on the preferred name line on medical intake paperwork and then when the doc was like 'jay?' I was like OH I hate that#oh no doctors Must Only use my paperwork name it turns out lmao#Justin's work friend calling me jess was so ??? you're not my MOM????#harvest moon awl has a 'what should I call you now that we're married' mechanic for I assume Darling or whatever#but one time I had my video game husband call me jess#justin also in real life has Jess Privilages but he doesn't want them because HE has only ever known me as jay#IT'S CONTEXTUAL. IT'S NOT THE NAME IT'S THE CONTEXT. IT'S THE RESPECT OR LACK THEREOF BEHIND WHAT NAME YOU USE#both my parents suddenly overcorrecting is weird but ultimately fine because the intention is clearly good#my grandma suddenly acting like it's a problem sets my teeth on edge. hey. this was never a problem before. what do YOU think this is about.#uhhh not to get. into it but. my dad is also almost definitely projecting baggage onto the situation that's got nothing to do with me#dad at christmas: it's just disrespectful! if someone tells you their name or their pronouns you don't get to decide they're wrong!!#me: I completely agree. not actually relevant to whether mom specifically calls me jess because that is in fact allowed but. I mean.#me: if you hypothetically told YOUR mom you go by something else now she SHOULD just use that instead. you're not wrong. hypothetically.#AAAANYWAY not to tangent on THAT too much#for ME having a nickname was so normal and it's only very abruptly been made weird by others and I'm baffled and annoyed about it#my mom's stepsister I see every handful of years: hi jess-- oh wait your mom said you go by jay now?#me: I've gone by jay since 2001 what is going ON--#I don't think it even occurred to me to wonder about Gender when it was mr hughes 'jess'ing me in high school but in retrospect I wonder#THE THING IS JAY ISN'T A MAN'S NAME TO ME. I MADE IT UP I DIDN'T KNOW IT HAD A GENDER. IT'S A GIRL'S NAME TO ME BECAUSE IT'S MY NAME!!#DON'T BE FUCKING WEIRD!!!#hhhuuaagh#I've talked about all this before but it came up again TWICE at christmas in ways that made me go STOP BEING WEIRD lmao#so it's on my mind again#about me
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icewindandboringhorror · 9 months ago
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examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk
#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard*#I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details#of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point#but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag#of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there#are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance#but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly#doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. )#the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead#of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like#you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image#or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i#wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol)#hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe#I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing#that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc#eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that#this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently#wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj#Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU#CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN#MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie*#Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol#I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it#with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits#and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit#out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the#unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh#re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI#art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA
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unionizedwizard · 8 months ago
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poisoned book investigation update: i reached the part of queen margot that deals with the poisoned book and this only made me more convinced that this is indeed. what happened. back in 2010. because 1) i know my mother well and therefore know she would kin catherine de' medici (yes yes i know. i know. what can i say. she's insane. it's a family tradition) 2) in the novel, the book was poisoned by catherine herself (she conceived and carried out both the scheme and the execution herself), and meant to kill her political enemy and son-in-law (but ended up poisoning (and killing) her own son). the exact method of course would be unsuitable for my own mother to imitate as it is the exact same method used in the name of the rose (possibly where umberto eco got the inspiration from, actually?), therefore as i mentioned earlier impossible to recreate with the kind of paper my copy of the three musketeers was printed on. but. yeah. not that i had many doubts at this point anymore but this is really. convincing evidence. psychologically speaking.
like for the. catherine de' medici kin part:
my mother always loved her as a historical figure. we did visit a lot of historical castles and museums and all when i was a kid and she always had a marked preference for 1) the renaissance era and history 2) the medici family 3) catherine de' medici specifically. she admired her cunning and force of spirit and ambition and influence. #1 girlboss supporter (she did not support the. you know. religious massacres tho. she didn't think catherine was a great figure to emulate or whatever. but she admired her nonetheless)
as i've mentioned before, my mother has always been a wannabe italian. she's especially fond of the italian renaissance and in particular florence and its history. in the novel the fact catherine de' medici is florentine is a key part of her characterization
physically there seems to be a similarity? dumas doesn't actually describe his characters' appearance much, but from the few elements we get, it seems to fit (= pale, grey(?) eyes with a cold and cunning look, short and stout but pretty, white hands (that she takes great care of), short and stout (fat?) stature in general, blonde hair, small lips, imposing presence that makes other people immediately fall in line & scares them (she was very proud of that)). it's not much but knowing her she would jump to conclusions and want to really. Be Like Her
sorry i know how this sounds i KNOW you don't have to believe me but i swear this is all true. inherited insanity and all that. the true Drow Ass Family
#sorry it still hasn't fully. been. processed i think.#i mean at some point how. do you let that sink in. 'that' being 'my mother tried to poison me in a narratively-meaningful way when i was 11#the poisoned book saga#<- tag if you don't understand what the fuck i'm talking about and want to read up on the whole thing.#i do wonder how much time she spent planning and all like. 10 years old me listening intently to her lectures about catherine de' medici#in Blois castle and all the Loire castles (we visited them all over the course of summer 2008 i think). like <- clueless#she did always enjoy putting on a show and scattering tragic irony and double entendres and foreshadowing elements........#thank you mother for trying so bad to kill me that you inadvertently ended up making me become your number one nightmare: a poet.#... just like catherine de' medici tried to kill henri de navarre to prevent him from becoming the king despite The ProphecyTM#only to inadvertently kill her own son and therefore making him become the king Earlier Than Anticipated.#IT'S FUN HOW IT WORKS ISNT IT. THE NARRATIVE MOTHER. THE NARRATIVE!#saying that because i am not completely insane (yet) and the whole. fighting against a prophecy thing? is something that they did For Real#which i got from their OWN ADMISSION when i was 17. btw. not something i made up or anything. they literally are like that.#i inherited the Perception Of The Narrative And Fate And Its Patterns And Cycles. as a family curse. this is very much a literal&cold fact.#anyway.
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the-acid-pear · 9 months ago
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It's actually really funny how it is bc despite being an insane person with weird kinks whenever I see someone with kinks I DON'T share I'm instantly thrown off by it. Which is comedic to me bc you'd expect the freak to inherently Understand other freaks but no unfortunately that's not how it works necessarily.
#luly talks#i am way more open to shit when explained to me tho#like usually I'm outright Neutral about this like ok sure.#but there's things that outright are so confusing to me they turn me off#like i saw some mommy rp blog and she was just... acting like a mother#and it's like. super sweet of course! but... not turning me on? at all??#like i don't get why you'd want a 2 in 1 deal for a mother and a gf can't you just get the two things per separate?#and this is coming from a man with severe mommy issues too! I'm a man who lost 3 mother figures (maybe 4 even. prob more)#yet i just don't get it? like. i don't know.#like i dont get it when it's so Genuine ykwim? like sexy mommy daddy age gap shit i do get. i love older people carnally.#but when it is a real intention to have this person fulfill the gap your parents left (I'd have said hole goddamn it that'd have been funnie#r) it's like. do. do you know how hard this can backfire? like i feel it's only more harmful. like idk#like i am no one to say it i am as explicitly stated a certified freak but i really think some people should stop fucking and take an hour#off to go to therapy. just a thought.#like i have my psychological issues mirror into my kinks too I've thought of this deeply (not the cannibalism that's simply me being hungry#although i did make a huge post about hunger but i DIGRESS) but i feel it's different#maybe it's bc im autistic and aro Who Knows maybe this is about intricate social and romantic rituals i just dont get in general
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tenderjock · 11 days ago
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don't let it in with no intention to keep it au, p3
"Hey, Will! Wait up!"
Riley and Forrest turn at the sound of the motorcycle's approach, Riley's face breaking into an automatic grin when he hears Buffy's voice. Forrest nearly overbalances the dolly stacked high with beer. Willow, who they had been walking to the party along with her roommate, turns as well.
"Hey, Buffy," Willow says. "We thought we were gonna see you at Lowell House. We were just walking there now."
Buffy looks very sexy in a little halter top thing under a leather jacket. Riley notices that for about one second and then he notices the guy driving the motorcycle that Buffy just climbed off of the back of.
"Yeah, we were on the way over but we had to stop to fight some - uhm, to stop a fight," Buffy is saying to Willow. "To stop a fight! There were some men, and they looked like they were going to fight, so we stopped them. From fighting."
Willow's roommate Tara, a pretty, quiet girl in the Lesbian Pride Alliance group, says, "Oh! Oh, that - that sounds upsetting."
The guy isn't someone Riley's seen around campus or around town before: a Caucasian male, late twenties, maybe 5'9'', bleached platinum blond hair, light-colored eyes, scar in left eyebrow, piercing in right, several identifying tattoos on his neck, upper chest, arms, and hands - nothing explicitly gang-related, Riley notes, but the overall picture screams bad news.
Bad News is also painfully, razor wire thin, which in combination with the bruise-dark circles under his eyes and the way he's only wearing a thin, ratty t-shirt and ripped acid wash jeans despite the chilly SoCal night air makes Riley think habitual drug user, too. He doesn't see needle tracks, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything.
The other thing Riley's trying not to notice about Bad News is that the guy is, for a skinny-ass pasty semi-goth punk, kinda hot. And that some girls go for that sort of look.
"It wasn't bad," Buffy reassures Tara. "We just gave 'em a stern talking-to."
Riley meets the man's gaze square on. He doesn't look away, even when most people would - and listen, Riley's a big guy, muscular, and he's got a friendly type of face but he's not a friendly type of guy, generally speaking. He knows how to intimidate people, and right now, this motherfucker is looking at Agent Finn with a little smirk curling up his mouth like he'd love to get popped one right in the jaw.
Neither of them are wearing helmets. That's against the law, in California. Technically, Riley has the authority to cite them for it. He's trying to decide whether his immediate gut reaction to beat the shit out of this guy is worth potentially sinking his chances with the girl he's crushing on, when Forrest cuts in.
"Hey, Buffy," Forrest says, nodding friendily and subtly digging an elbow into Riley's ribs. "Who's your friend?"
Riley looks down at his feet and takes a deep breath. Gets a fucking grip on himself. Jesus Christ, Finn.
"This is Spike," Buffy says. There's a beat where everyone waits for the introduction to continue.
When it doesn't, Tara offers a little wave and says, "Hello, Spike."
"'Lo," Spike says. He smiles at her, a bit. "Pleasure t'make your acquaintance."
He's English? And what the hell kind of a name is Spike?
Before Riley can ask any of the pressing questions, Buffy says brightly, "So, we're all walking to Lowell then? I think the party's already started, and they're gonna need that beer." She points to the dolly stacked with cases that Forrest has all but forgotten about.
Spike revs the motorcycle engine and pulls away from the curb. "Give us a ring if you need to be picked up, luv," he says.
"I'll prob'ly walk," she tells him. He shrugs. "But thanks."
The five of them start walking again. They fall into a short little line; Forrest goes first with the beer, Willow and Tara following, and Riley and Buffy bring up the rear.
Riley tries to organize his thoughts. After a few minutes of walking in silence - bewildered and tense on his part, placidly innocent on Buffy's - he says, "How - can I ask a question?"
"Ask away!" she says, blinking up at him prettily. A lock of hair has come loose from her updo and is falling into her face. Riley resists the urge to push it behind her ear.
"How do you know that guy Spike?" At her immediate frown, he rushes to expain: "He just doesn't seem like the kind of person you'd know in your life."
Buffy thinks about that for a while, walking with her arms folded across her ribcage. "You don't really know much about my life," she points out, not ungently. Riley feels his brow furrow. "But, yeah, I guess he doesn't." She grows quiet again, not like she's not answering, but like she's considering her answer.
"You don't have to tell me," he says. They're outside Lowell House at this point, just across the street. He looks to Forrest, who has stopped at the front door to offload the beer.
Forrest gives him an all clear? Riley nods, and his brother slips into the house, which is pumping with music and booze and quite a few people already. Buffy smiles and waves to Willow and Tara, who are doing the same thing Forrest just did but without the military hand signals.
Willow casts one last glance back at her friend, then takes her roommate's hand and enters the house, leaving Riley and Buffy outside alone. The air is still and cool and dry; in the distance, an owl screeches. Buffy's hair looks soft and golden in the low moonlight.
"We met while I was in high school," Buffy says. "He was - we didn't really get along." She laughs. "That's an understatement. But he ended up helping me with something ... something really important, something that saved people's lives. Like, that level of important. And this summer, he came back to Sunnydale after being gone for like a year, and he needed help. So I did what I could."
"What did he need help with?" Riley asks.
"Well," Buffy says. "He needed a place to stay, that was part of it."
"He lives with you?" Riley says, shocked.
Buffy nods her head. "He's living in my mom's basement."
"He lives with your mom?!" Riley wouldn't let that asshole anywhere near his mother. Jesus Christ.
Buffy giggles, actually giggles! "Yeah, Mom loves him, she thinks he's really sweet. They gossip together all the time. Dawn - my little sister Dawn - she has a total crush on him, it's so funny."
That's it. The Summers family must be made up of crazy people.
"Anyway, Spike mostly hangs out in our basement and works out or reads or does, like, the gross chores no one else wants to do," Buffy says. "And he drives me around, 'cause I commute to school, at least if it's - uhm, if it's, like, late at night? And not safe, you know, to walk."
There's several things Riley could say to that. What he settles on, eventually, is, "You should really wear a helmet if you're gonna ride a motorcycle."
Buffy blinks at him. "Oh," she says. "Okay, sure." She mostly sounds like she's humoring him, not like she's agreeing with him.
"It's just," he starts, and breaks off. It's been a weird night, and it's barely ten p.m. The girl he likes is out here tucked against his arm, talking to him about the mysterious Sid Vicious junkie guy that lives with her, who ferries her around on the back of his motorcycle at all hours of the night like her personal taxi service, who is also someone she's known since she was a teenager, apparently, and who she's saved people's lives alongside.
Riley blows out a long breath.
"It's just safer," he says. "For everyone."
Buffy's eyes soften. "Okay," she says. "You wanna go in to the party now? I hear they have mediocre, lukewarm beer."
"I hear someone dropped it and got it all shook up while they were carrying it here," Riley says, and takes her hand to lead her into Lowell.
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frumfrumfroo · 1 year ago
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So Reylos are now freaking out over episode 4 of Ahsoka cause Anakin showed up in what appears to be the wbw. I have not watched Ahsoka and don't plan to. I personally think that nothing will come out of this in regards to Ben Solos return. People think Leia sacrificed herself to send Ben there? If she sacrificed herself to save him then he wouldn't have gone anywhere he would have been alive.
Anyone who thinks there was planning or thought behind anything in tros is delusional.
Thinking they're setting up Ben's resurrection is almost as removed from reality.
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grumpyoldsnake · 1 year ago
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Stamped From the Beginning by Ibram X. Kendi does a really good job of explaining and contextualizing the various racist ideas and justifications that have been used throughout US history, with plenty of quotations from primary documents.
I recommend it, especially if OP’s point is new to you or if you want a better idea of what these ideas are and why they’re harmful.
hey writers if you want to make a metaphor for racism, please maybe remember that racism is literally based on nothing. Africans weren’t enslaved en masse because the Robo-Musa threatened to destroy the world, they were enslaved because it was economically rewarding and politically convenient. If at any point your allegory for racism includes “so <oppressed group> did this major catastrophe and” then you have not only missed the point but you are literally reinforcing the ideas that racism have let racism self-perpetuate (that e.g. black people are naturally dangerous and violent and must be contained or begrudgingly accepted by the Nice White People)
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floralovebot · 2 years ago
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man people who racebend characters of color are REALLY showing their asses in how they think we're all interchangable and see us as a checklist for "Getting A Good Grade In Woke :)" rather than just... acknowledgment of the existing natural diversity of planet earth and the different ways people make life of it.
its insensitive to reimagine disneys tiana as asian, not because asian people dont face racism or cant enjoy cooking or didnt exist in 1920s new orleans- but because tiana is the first and still only black disney princess and was written and designed as such. her race informs and deepens her writing and her struggles, her love for her dad and specifically wanting to validate a jim crow era black man's sacrifices for his family, her connection to him and her community through her cooking when they all struggle to keep food on the table. similarly mulan shouldnt be rebranded as african american, not because black women couldnt exist in china or never crossdressed to join the army or dont face misogyny- but because mulan is a folk hero of historical chinese legend and as mulan, specifically cannot be divorced from that background. (also, frankly? the early white princesses arent really as well written for the most part, and their culture of origin is virtually never taken into account aside from visuals in their development, if that).
thats what ticked me off so bad about the monster high reboot. nb frankie was so cool and an asian draculaura was so fun but then they just... took away the black girl? and by extension, her sisters and thus ALL the black girls and like, dude not cool? nothing wrong with her being latina but being afrolatina is a different experience than being african american. afrolatinas deserve rep but that doesnt mean they shouldve taken clawdeen from african american girls. then there was some back and forth as to where specifically draculaura's family is from, and lagoona's origins vary from source to source dolls vs movie vs tv too and you just really feel the lack of effort and cohesion in the writing rooms. it really is just all just numbers on a chart, quotas to be filled there.
even with shows like winx where its ambiguous at times and kind of a raceblind take at others, theres so little for ANY of us that redesigning without that in mind becomes poaching. why would you take when ive been given so precious little? why would you want to change this one gift from people like me that lets me know i'm seen and loved? sure, other people deserve to have that too but if they want to borrow then take those who have so much they wont even miss it?
asdfghjkl sorry for the essay, i guess i had a breakthrough in how to put why this specific issue gets to me.
YESSS THANK YOU
Like it's so fucking weird to me!!! And GOD I wanted to say something about gen3 Clawdeen but I wasn't sure if I was "right" or if it was my place to say but exactly!! Being afrolatina is wonderful and they deserve representation too but it is still ultimately a different experience from being black american and they shouldn't have taken that away from black girls! I'm glad that mixed kids have her as rep now but they shouldn't have taken her away!! They very easily could've made a new character to fill that role instead!
AND YES to the winx point!! At the end of the day, it doesn't matter that some of the girls races or ethnicities are more ambiguous, they still have Canon races and people shouldn't be taking that away and giving it to someone else. That's not how representation works! Ever! Like if someone redesigned Aisha to be asian, that wouldn't make me happy or give me More representation. All that would be doing is taking away representation from black people! Same thing with Musa, Flora, Nabu, etc.
It also feels So fucking scummy when a white person's excuse is just that they Personally didn't see a character as their canonical race/ethnicity and that's why they changed it?? Like I don't give a shit if You personally don't see Nabu as an Indian man. That doesn't change his blatant coding. Same with characters like Flora who are more ambiguous. It doesn't matter if You Personally don't like her being Latina. She is. Fucking deal???
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woe-is-corvus · 1 month ago
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i love playing icarus its great
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nothorses · 7 months ago
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thinking about how my mom spent like 2 years getting downright vicious about the houseless folks who were camping in the woods past her house (to the point of getting a BB rifle that looked like a real fucking gun to threaten them with when they crossed in front of her house??) and justifying it with White Lady Fear a la "what if one of them does something to me! I am but a helpless white woman living all alone!!" and like...
y'all, she terrorized those people. every single time she saw someone outside, she was riling her dog up to bark, waving a gun in their faces (that for all intents & purposes they certainly thought was real), yelling at them, calling the cops (thank god the 2 rural-ass cops didn't actually give a shit), etc.
and she justified it with fears of womanly fragility & inability to defend herself, and I believe how afraid she was! she talked about fearing they would break into her house at night and sexually assault her, and I believe she was legitimately afraid of that. she's been victimized in many of the ways she was afraid of being victimized by them.
the thing is that it doesn't matter how real the fear is.
nothing ever happened, nobody ever tried to threaten her, nobody tried to break in, nobody even approached her. she initiated every single interaction. when she told them not to go through her yard, they did the best they could to respect that without giving up their camping spot; which was on someone else's property, who didn't mind them being there (not to mention one of them is actually indigenous to this specific land!)
she was a thousand times more threatening to those people than they ever were to her, but her fear of them was still real. and that's exactly what made her so dangerous.
I need cis women to internalize this ASAP. your fear is real, and it can and will hurt others. your fear is real, and it is harmful. your fear is real, and your hurt is not deserved, and you still need to grow & heal & prevent it from causing harm.
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kavehater · 4 months ago
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Every time my mum throws yet another hissy fit although I can understand she’s being stupid and I let her yap to her hearts content cause she can never quit complaining, for some reason I’m so mildly bothered that the irritation makes me angry at every other thing.
For example : the fact that so and so hasn’t responded in 51 years, fifty more people haven’t even given so much as a single darn to ask why I haven’t replied yet or use those two brain cells of theirs currently fighting for third place to realise huh, maybe she’s going through a hard time ! Maybe you know like a decent fucking human being I could leave her a little note saying she can answer whenever she feels fit enough to do so but that I care for her, and the fact that I am irate by how care and compassion is offered on a silver platter to so many yet for me I have to beg and do the most absurd and pathetic displays to achieve even the slightest speck of kindness, and if I DONT do all of that in the one in a trillion possibility of me receiving kindness for free it makes me so disgusted and afraid because why the fuck would you do that, in fact why the fuck would anyone even do that even if I gave them my whole heart and soul anyways. All I am is less than dirt by way of reason given how I have been treated, and although I’m unsure as to why I am and that I can never fully understand the reason for why I’m not worth a single thing, and why I am worthless, i understand that that’s how the world works and I ought to adapt to my role and take it because nobody will stop for me
#‘u guys have seen how fast life can be taken from you’ well I hope it comes faster bc I have been praying for the end to come#for years yet nothing#I have not only been let down by this world#but I have been let down by God so many times it’s genuinely baffling#why can’t He just kill me already#I don’t even care anymore about the method#I don’t even care if it’s the most excruciatingly painful thing#if I get ripped in half or have my organs harvested or tortured for however many days#I think I just need to go and i need to go NOW.#practically the only real consistent wish I’ve had in my life is that I am to be something important to others#someone irreplaceable#but I am not even noticed much less replaced#and how a girl could yap on about her insecurity abt her bangs and within an hour she gets heaps of comments#yet for me ? when I write odes to death every other Tuesday it’s whoopsie who gives a fuck about her I hope she dies#that’s precisely how it looks like to me#I think everyone does wish death upon me for the simple fact that nobody asks#nobody cares and nobody tries to help#actions speak louder than words and everyone’s actions are very clear to me#clearly someone throwing a pity party over themselves for fucking bangs is definitely a cause for concern yes yes ! worthy of twenty notes#within the span of a single hour 🥺🥺🥺 but of course I don’t deserve shit so that’s why nobody gaf 🙂‍↕️#dora daily#my only request is for all to be blunt and clear that I am worthless in their eyes.at least my mum reminds me often.why can’t yall do the#same. at least she is honest and not mincing her words. listen I can handle much more than anyone thinks I’m not as sensitive as everyone#makes me out to be. so freaking tell me how horrible I am tell me that I am a chore to speak to that I am a burden and weigh u all down#and that I am some infinitely unimaginable list of negative attributes and that’s all I’ll ever amount to because I would send my dearest#thanks for you being so brave and saying it to my face. rather than being a coward and a fool for hiding behind flowery words and meaningles#nothings uttered just for filler. newsflash I can read intents and in between the lines well but I am not a mind reader nor does anything#imply that I can read minds. yes I can discern intents and the smallest signals but I CANNOT read minds#why you won’t catch me hold hope that anything I make will get hype so I won’t post it on this platform and if I do I won’t tag it#and why do people always get fed up or think I’m lying or smth when I insist I’m sick like wtf. or they act like I’m lying by embodying the
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fettery-fetterie · 5 months ago
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I ought you to understand this is gonna be a mess all the way through. Anyways
I guess I could describe it as like....tortino is a confident woman, which knows her status and her skill; she's a bit blunt on mannerisms(?) but ultimately doesn't mean harm, in fact, she puts credit where credit is due. She holds pride to herself without being egocentric, she holds knowledge to herself while sharing as much as she can
Does that make sense? Is that a good way to describe her?
Anyways,
I also really like how she like. Whenever is confused over what hlev says she doesn't really seem to mind? Or rather, she just kinda brushes it off? I feel if you ask somebody else they'd be like "oh it's bc she's his boss and has to act relatively nice to him". But I feel the real answer is just..."I am in no place to judge because I would/did the same"
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It's the "cherish being able to know things" bit that just drives me mad. Like leaving well behind the fact it could just be a reference line. Of course she'd believe that. Of course she'd know how wonderful it is to hold knowledge. Of course she'd believe it's joy and something to cheer to
It's just...it makes perfect sense that her drive to be a photoslav comes from the yearning of knowledge, from innate human curiosity
Which like, to how I see myth hunting in general (the one for games anyways) is like that: humans being curious about the world they're surrounded in, which drives them to unravel what lines beneath
Tortino feels like that. She's doing this for sheer curiosity, she wants to know more about the world she lives in, thus, she takes on herself the task of revealing truth about incomprehensible, potentially paranormal phenomena.
(if so, why not go to sciences? Be a researcher? Well this is still an absurdist game about gta myth hunting it only makes sense she's insane. But my point stands)
I'd also like to say how she doesn't keep knowledge to herself, she shares what she sees and what she experiences/ed, cherishing being able to know things comes from the desire to know and the desire to share such
What's the point of holding knowledge if you don't give it to someone? What's the point of knowing something so niche only a few will truly get what it's about, and never telling? It's the worst kind of gatekeeping
Shared knowledge is double the knowledge, if you will
(also yeah it's literally bc she's the written tutorial for half the levels but. What I mean is that it would've been very easy to write her as a shitty boss who couldn't give less of a fuck about what hlev knows or gets to know
However, she expressed herself pretty clearly, and the information so far has been perfectly fine
Idk, I feel she understands how she is the mentor, and seems not opposed to that idea-
Because, like, as literally one of the CEOs of -what seems to be- a huge company. Why would she go out of her way to not only personally hire, but also train a new guy who might as well be a nobody? Like. What's the point of that? Surely she must have wayyyy better stuff to do, right?
Either this is for a very elaborate and complicated plan, or she simply feels compelled to do this. Both are vague ideas, but I feel the latter might be the case here. At least regarding her character)
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I kinda get how someone like her would forget basic details about super myths. But it's still weird bc she still like. Says very clearly what the second quirk is
"I think it activates in response to something" my ass you know damn well the shield activates with the dash
And I feel it's just even more obvious when she just goes "y'know, don't even worry, you'll figure it out" ma'am those were obnoxiously easy clues what are you on
This either means she
A. Can't make connections that fast (likely but also not bc half her field is about making the most batshit insane connections ever known)
B. She genuinely forgot (💀)
Or C. She was testing hlev and she failed at making it even remotely challenging (bad liar teorija?)
It's even EVEN more obvious when she just goes back to having pretty clear info like COME ONNNNN
I don't really have much to say here honestly it's just. Really silly lmao
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She looks more comfortable and relaxed on big myth co, actually. That's cute
I guess at this point she starts to loosen up when it comes to hlev's skill? She has seen what hlev's capable of: "you've proven your metal a few times now on the job". I think she may start trusting hlev from this point on
Trust as in hlev might not need to be guided anymore, or at least not as heavily
I guess you could also make the argument that she starts trusting him on a more personal level too, something something about finding someone who can understand her own insanity and whatnot. Match her freak, if you will
It's still too early to call that yet tho. But maybe in the future
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Yeah see this is what I meant when I said she puts credit where credit is due. "Damn, you're good. This is why we hired you for the job. Keep it up and you'll even surpass me."
Like. Like c'mon. That's one hell of a compliment alright? Have the very CEO of the company you just started working on tell you could even surpass her skill is just HUGE
And from the other side too, bc she doesn't seem like the kinda person to throw insanely huge compliments and comparisons like that
She knows she is a very skilled photoslav, which is why she feels confident mentoring a hiree about certain vague stuff. And when she notices the skill this guy has she goes and actively compliments it. And this is me skipping the part at that start of SRM bc she also praises it. Like cmonnnnnnnnnmmn
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I think I'm done now. Ok. Yeah told you it was gonna be a mess
Hope you enjoyed reading this monster of a ramble tho!
#perceptive little crow#<- THE TAG FINALLY APPEARS ON THE LIST YIPPIEEEEEEE#anyways im wirting this as im playing so this is gonna be a mess#so guess which post got out of the drafts by accident. yay#i sometimes worry that some of the stuff written are just references#bc like. i feel that changes the intention of what was said#it's kinda irrational thinking. but agga#anyways i didn't talk about all the dialogue when arriving to bmc's hqs but that's bc those are the most 4th wall breaking ones and ehhhh#i also skipped over whatever other CEO might be there and peka's presence bc if i talk about those two parts i might as well die#it's “virtually inexistent character on the text” and “we have barely any info of what his real deal is”#YES im saying this even when knowing Stuff™ about this game nobody else knows#bc a. the chances of it stopping being canon are non-0 and b. there's just.../so/ many pieces of the puzzle missing still#hopefully world 2 starts setting more things up#but for now. it'll remain a mystery#also. bc this doesn't fit: god i really wanna see her more CEO side#bc that's such an interesting trait honestly. she's not just a boss. she's one of the heads on a big company#surely she has to do a lot of stuff right?#i just really wanna see that side that has to manage whatever the fuck bmc actually is#i feel that'd play a lot both for her character and with worldbuilding y'know#bc i really wanna see bmc's inner doings too#but i doubt that's gonna happen. or at least to the degree i wish for#anyways im done for real now. god
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