#but rhen i do and i never know what to do or say if i ever wanna maybe pursue anything

[steampunk-ghostxx]

I wish I was better at feeling confident in voicing my feelings for someone 😅

[my-castles-crumbling]

oh my GOD the weirdest thing just happened to me and I NEED ur advice.

So basically, I have this friendship group of like eleven annoying idiots (love ‘em all), and me.

Two of them and me r in the marauders fandom. We’re all 16 btw, just finished GCSEs!!!!!!!!! This is THE summer!!!!!

Anyways, we have ONE couple in our friendship group (that gives rosekiller vibes ngl) and a few others are dating people but not from inside the group (not much group-cest).

So like yesterday, we were all hanging out at one of our houses and I turn to my best mate in the group (who’s also a marauder girlie) and say “isn’t it so weird that our friendship group doesn’t have a wolfstar ship.” cause like ngl, we do give marauder era friendship vibes.

AND EVERYONES GOES SILENT???????? Like people were halfway thru words and they SHUT up. They always ignore us when we talk abt the marauders.  

So I turn to everyone and go “what’s with the silence, half of u don’t even know what wolfstar is.”

And one of them goes “we might not know shit about harry potter but someone’s definitely mentioned wolfstar a few times”. 

AND SHE LOOKS AT ONE OF OUR FRIENDS.

I assume I shouldn’t use her real name her so imma just call her Clara (she loves TS Clara Bow song so-).

Clara blushes REAL red and looks down and whispers for the person who said that to shut up.

So I say “Hang on, I thought we weren’t allowed to blab abt the marauders after *my best mate* and *another person in the group* argued over who hated JKR the most? For three hours.”

And the girl from before who apparently knows what wolfstar is says “Yeah- except when we’re watching wolfstar happen, of course we have to know what it is.”

HUH,

So I furrow my eyes brows at her and she goes “you know” which I DONT.

And then my best mate rolls her eyes and says “we do have a wolfstar in this friendship group dumbass.” 

LIKE WHO OKAY? 

Anyway, we sorta moved on. And when I tried to hound my best mate later that night she wouldn’t tell me shit. She just kept saying “no. you know all the ships in our friendship group. we aren’t keeping the wolfstar one from you.”

ANYWAY I went home and THEN it occurred to me that… ME. I could be in the wolfstar ship our friends were talking abt. Otherwise I would KNOW, since I always know.

And there’s only one person they all ship me with in our group, Clara. 

SO I TEXT MY BEST MATE LIKE, WAHT RHE FUCK GIRL YOUVE BEEN SHIPING ME WITH SOMEONE SECRETLY

and she says, she hasn’t been shipping us secretly she’s been shipping us to my face

and so I say, that it wasn’t serious until she compared me to my FAV marauders couple

and so she says, WELL IM GLAD U NOW FEEL ITS SERIOUS 

and so I say, how dare u compare me to remus, I love him but he’s def not me. 

and she says, IM NOT BITCH YOURE SIRIUS

so I say, SIRIUS? 

and she says, SIRIUS!

And I say, girl how? 

And she says, how about the fact that ur family are psychos and u really need to move out. How abt because ur an idiot who can’t see what’s right in front of her? How about your a demi bi queer chaotic mess who can’t recognise what could be the love of your life if she literally kissed you on the cheek which she FUCKING DID

so I say, … that was platonic? 

And she says, I hate you (jk I love u) but no rlly I hate u so much. WHAT RHE FUCK DUDE. 

So I say, wait, u don’t think she has a crush on me do u? 

and she says, I FUCKING HATE U HOW R U THIS DUMB.

(this is all taking place over text in case I hadn’t made that clear).

So i say, JUST CAUSE SHES GAY DOESNT MEAN SHE FANCIES ME.

And she says, NO BUT KISSING UR CHEEK AND ASKING U OUT ON SINGLE DATES AND BEINF SAD WHEN U GET A BF AND SPENDING ALL HER TIME WITH TOU DOES MEAN SHE FANCIES U DUMBASS.

So I say, has she told you? 

And she says, u know I can’t say either way.

So I say, so no. She doesn’t. 

AND RHEN I STOP REPLYING.

But now I think she might. 

Which is awkward. Look i’m not like- straight or anything, but I never get crushes, who has the time to care honestly. 

And I don’t wanna be like, oh my friend who’s a lesbian ObViOuSlY has a crush on ME. I’m not like, Erin in Derry Girls. UGH. 

But in hindsight, she HAS seemed bothered whenever I talk about boyfriends (which isn’t that often cause again, who has the fucking time). 

And she did NOT like my ex. Which was only sort of fair personality wise.

And like yes, technically, we have hung out solo and then she kissed my cheek. But like, we’re just really good friends.

ALSO how dare my best mate compare me to Sirius. Sure my parents are evil but they’re NOT RICH. I mean if you’re gonna be horrific at least be rich right? 

And here’s the thing, if I bring it up and Clara does like me- WHAT DO I SAY

and if I bring it up and she doesn’t, i’m that bitch who assumes she does cause she’s gay.

AND if I don’t and she does like me, am I just being ignorant so it’s easier for me. 

Or if i don’t and she doesn’t like me, will I think there’s some weird air here and she won’t even know what’s going on. 

I HATE being in the unknown.

And like I had known our friends shipped us but they’ve done it for like… three years maybe? Not religiously but as a jk. 

So by this point it’s just background noise. but now they’ve compared us to WOLFSTAR (and know what wolfstar is it seems) now I’m like thinking about this.

MAYBE THATS THEIR PLAN. Maybe it’s just a trick to mess with us more. 

But now I can’t help worrying that when we hang out it’s supposed to be a date. Or that time she kissed me was supposed to be a date and I DIDNT REALISE and just rudely ignored her. 

WHAT IF IVE BEEN A BITCH THIS WHOLE TIME? 

Also like yes, she was there for the wolfstar comparison, but idk if SHE knows it was US being compared to them.

Clara doesn’t LOVE the marauders fandom, but she’s lovely and always lets me ramble about it (like I let her ramble abt her books). And so she knows a lot of lore, specifically about Wolfstar. 

So idk if she knew it was abt us, or if she’s just like realising now.

Also, and here’s the weird part, I care. 

I never give a shit usually, about whoever has a crush on me or whatever. I just do what I want and deal with other people later. But now it’s my friend, my really lovely and funny and sweet and beautiful and kind friend and I don’t want to hurt her.

BUT MAYBE I WONT. Cause maybe she doesn’t even like me so it’s nothing to worry abt. 

WHO KNOWS ANYMORE.

Anyway, that’s the story. Got any advice for me Cas? ALSO congrats on your new school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh boy.

First of all- babe, it sounds like you're the last to know about all this. But I'm glad you're aware now. Welcome to the party!

Also- "my really lovely and funny and sweet and beautiful and kind friend" uhm. do you wanna say that again? And tell me there's no feelings there?

I mean, I'm not gonna tell you how you feel but it sounds like you need to stop overthinking and just spend some time with Clara. Because it could be that you're overlooking something great, here. Stop getting in your head and just feel for a bit. Wolfstar is a superior ship for a reason :D

Naming you wolfstar anon

[khoipyan]

Meeting the Leeches.

You're on a beach trip with your friends, Yuu and one other. However, you get separated when exploring a dark cave nearby. That’s when you hear something splash in the cave waters, and it was definitely not from tiny fish.

Gender-neutral reader (They/Them), YUU IS A SEPERATE CHARACTER AND YOU AREN’T THEM!, one of my OCs is used as a placeholder for your friend, yippee! :) Their name is Rhen and I’ll be using They/Them to refer to both Yuu and Rhen. Don’t worry, you still get to focus on you + tweels.

Characters; Tweels (Floyd Leech, Jade Leech)

Notes; If you saw me repost this, no you didn't. /j I accidentally posted it half-written and thought I deleted it, only to find out that I did not delete it. Glad I didn't, however I'm mildly embarrassed.

OGnotes; Hahaha. I had this idea in class, which is the entire reason I decided to write for this. I should start proofreading my work, to be honest… I never do. 😨

SOMETHING TO DO .

“We’re finally here,” Somebody huffed. You looked over to see your two friends. Specifically Yuu was out of breath. Rhen was slowly still slowly catching up in the back, and they showed no sign of rushing their way over to you both.

Yuu wiped their forehead, “It’s such a hot day, can we finally go set up the umbrellas? Ooh, and did any of us bring the cooler?”

“You’re asking that now—?” You cocked your head at Yuu. Yuu only looked away shamefully.

There’s the sound of ice-rattling in a large container, and you turn to see Rhen carrying the cooler. What a lifesaver.

—✦—

The umbrellas were placed so that they blocked the sun if you sat on the foldable chairs, and there was also a basket with snacks beside the area placed neatly on a cloth. Although, where you all set up was pretty inconvenient.

You could only wonder why you were so close to the darn edge of the water, when there was nobody here. The beach was nearly desolated. “Did we really have to set up right next to the water?”

Rhen said nothing per usual, but nodded twice.

Yuu spoke, as if for Rhen, “Of course! You see, me and Rhen were thinking that we could see more fishies while sitting next to the water, y’know?”

“But I never said that…?” Rhen muttered under their breath.

It was pretty calm near the water, but there was a large, strange cave. It wasn’t gigantic, but big enough to be ventured into. It’s giving you the creeps.

Snap snap snap. You turned your head to Yuu, who had been trying to get your attention for the past 10 seconds.

“Hey, you were staring pretty hard at that cave over there. You guys wanna go in?” Yuu sounded really excited, but on the other hand, you were NOT exactly thrilled of adventuring a large cave with no actual resources (other than your phones).

You looked over to Rhen, who said nothing. Their expression, however, was ‘What if there’s something in there that tries to eat all of us?’

Yuu seemed to take note of how they were the only willing one, and slung an arm around Rhen. They averted their gaze to you, smiling. “It’ll be fine! Come on. We’ll all stick together, I promise.”

…

You can only sigh, “Alright, let’s go.”

—✦—

“Guys… There’s a sign that says not to go in there!” Rhen gulped.

They weren’t wrong. There was a sign, basically saying to keep out. Okay, now this feeling inside your stomach wasn’t a good one. “Are you sure about this, Yuu? If there’s a sign, it might be because it's dangerous inside. Also, what if authorities come by?”

“Well, how would they know we went in for a quick minute? And how would they know we were in there?” Yuu put their hands on their hips.

Good point, Yuu. If it wasn’t for the fact that the cave was also extremely dark, then maybe you’d have courage to go.

Yuu shrugged, holding up their phone. “I’ll go in by myself then. See ya on the other side!” And in they went.

“Wa-wait up!” Rhen called out for them, shortly following behind.

There really was no choice for you now, is there? You took a deep breath, preparing for any complications this cave might cause, and promptly walked inside.

SOMETHING IN THE WATERS .

The voices of you and your companions echoed loudly. Too much for your comfort, it almost felt like you all were far away.

It wasn’t honestly that bad, until Yuu’s phone suddenly died.

“Hey, guys? Can somebody turn on their phone light?” Yuu asked.

“Ah, I didn’t bring my phone…” Rhen said, sheepishly.

Well. That wasn’t good.

Rhen’s panic filled their voice, “Ahh, guys… I’m scared and I don’t feel the greatest…”

“Hang in there, Rhennie! You’ve got this, we just got to find our way out.” Yuu’s voice echoed back.

“Yeah, you got this!” You encouraged. But other than the echoes of their voices, you could hear something else. A water stream.

And then you noticed; You’d gotten deep enough to find a stream of water, and it glowed. Odd, but it was beautiful. You were awed by it’s beauty, who knew water could be so calming?

Your calm moments were over in a second, however, when you also paid attention to another detail; Where were Yuu and Rhen?

“Guys—? Guys? Hello?” You called out. There was no response from them, and there were only two noises.

Your voice and the noisy running of water.

Your only choice is to keep walking.

—✦—

You roughly estimated to have been walking for 30 minutes. It could have been much less however, as it’s not easy to pass time when you’re walking in a dark scary cave by yourself. The only thing that comforted you was the noises coming from the water stream.

It was calm, soothing, and something moved in the water. It was the only thing calming your nerv— Wait, what?

You stopped in your tracks and looked at the stream again, swearing you had saw a tail. Much to your surprise, there was nothing when you doubled back to look for any signs of movement. This was your mind playing tricks on you after being separated from Yuu and Rhen, wasn’t it?

You continued to walk, only for your left ankle to be splashed. Wet sock, yikes. ‘I should have worn my sandals’, You silently thought to yourself, thinking about how Yuu had teased you about wearing shoes before you all came to the beach. You looked back at the stream of water, only to find nothing. Again? If you were going insane, this might be it. Walking in soggy shoes is terrible, so walking in a wet sock would have to suffice for now. Taking off your shoe, you readjusted your sock as well, for no particular reason.

This time, you weren’t even given the chance to walk again as you were splashed; You were now soaking wet.

But along with your frustration, came two amused laughs.

“Ahaha! Look at ‘em, Jade! They look like they might just cry.”

Well, that was hard to judge, wasn’t it? Because you were looking at the ground trying not to get water in your eyes.

Another voice intruded, “I do have to say, I’ve never seen a human inside of these caves before. I’m quite curious why they’re here.”

“Well, maybe we can ask them! Hey hey, how come you’re in a dark, SCARY cave, all by yourself, hmm?”

You wiped face with your (already wet) arms and looked at the water stream, this time there were two large people…

Holy shit. Those were not people. They weren’t fish either, and they were not just your imagination.

Long, human—like fish… They weren’t human. You didn’t know how to react other than stepping away from the water stream’s ledge.

“Psst! Come over here! We won’t drag ya under, promise.” One of the creatures said, specifically one with a black hair parting to the left. “This water is too shallow for us to drown ya anyways, only goes up to your waist.”

Was that a threat? Would they have pulled you under if there was a deeper body of water? You got close to them regardless, curious as to who… and what they were.

The other one took note of your brave hesitation, “You really are brave to approach us, despite not knowing what we could do to you. I applaud you.” He said, clasping his hands together and giving you a warm smile. Somehow, you think his mannerisms are false enough.

“What are you? Who are you, and why do you look like that?” You asked, still weary.

“Talking to us like we’re monsters, I’m hurt. My name is Jade, and my brother here is Floyd.” He said, putting a webbed hand over his heart and feigning sadness.

“You can remember us by our hair shape! 'J', for Jade, and 'F' for me!” Floyd shouted at you, waving his hands in the air. His actions splashed water everywhere, but since you were already soaked, you didn’t really mind.

You pause, thinking of what to do next. It was freezing cold being soaked with water while standing around, so you decided to ask for something that would benefit yourself. “Okay. Err, can you help me get out? I got lost.”

“Oh? You got lost?” Jade said. Both of them smiled at you, a mischievous glint in their eyes.

Floyd laughed, “I’m assumin’ they got split from the other two people we just saw, ahaha!”

Wow. So they terrorized Yuu and Rhen as well? Yikes. “Please, it’s so cold and I’m sure you guys would know where the way out is!”

“Maybe we do, perhaps we don’t. What if we don’t show you the way out, then what would be your next coarse of action?”

“Would ya beg us to show you? It’d be REAL funny to see you beg on your knees to two merfolks, wouldn’t it?”

You’ve huffed, “If you won’t help me, then I’ll help myself!” And started walking off.

Unfortunately, they started following you regardless.

—✦—

“Gettin’ tired yet? You’re so small compared to us, I’m gonna call ya “Little Shrimp” and stuff.”

You rolled your eyes, “The only thing I’m getting tired of is you both. Why bother following me?”

“Apologies, but we only natural for us to think you’re quite fascinating. I mean, how are you ever going to get out of this cave without asking us for help?”

You literally just asked them for help 10 minutes ago, but okay.

You paused your walking and looked at the two… What even were they? “What are you, sea snakes or something?”

“Close, we’re moray eels.” Jade’s politeness really makes you want to thrash around.

“Cool. Whatever,” There was a big pause before you bent down near the ledge of the water stream, “Please. What do you want from me? I just want to get out of here, so what is it?”

“What is what?” Floyd asked, grinning. He got closer to you as he rest his arms on the ledge that divided the water stream and the cave floor.

You frown, “You know what I mean!”

He flicked your forehead, “Hahaha, you’re so angry and for what? We didn’t do anything to you, that was your fault for ignoring the sign.”

Ah. The sign. No wonder why it was posted there, it was easy to get lost. Let’s listen to signs next time, shall we?

“Tell ya what, Shrimpy, we’ll show you the way, but you have to come back to the beach tomorrow to play with us!”

You were taken aback by their demands, “What? That’s it? Seriously?”

Jade chimed in, “Yes. We’ve been looking for something to do. What better way to spend than to observe a human? We promise we’ll be gentle, and we’ll try not to bite.”

“Fine. Just get me out of here.”

SOMETHING THAT REUNITES .

The first thing you were greeted with when you got out of the cave was Rhen coming over to you and hugging you tightly. Weird, considering they never liked physical affection much.

“Wah! Are you alright? You were in there for an hour!” Yuu shouted, a worried expression plastered on their face.

You returned Rhen’s hug, patting them on the back, “I’m fine guys, don’t worry!”

Were you really in there for that long?

Yuu sighed, “You were right, I’m really sorry for making you guys go in there… without a light source! I should have made sure my phone was fully charged!”

“That’s what you were worried about?!” Rhen scolded, playfully slapping Yuu’s arm over and over.

You thought you would never see the light of day again, nor your friends. You’re grateful that you were able to find your way out this time. However, “Guys?”

Rhen and Yuu stopped their fighting, replying with “What?” In sync.

There was a long pause before you facepalmed, “We’ll have to come back tomorrow.”

“What?!”

( Due to be edited at anytime )

( Due to be edited at anytime )

[the-smut-analyst]

Fantasy Rom-Coms

The genre I never knew I needed. Until I found it.

Short 'n' sweet book rec post today (because I know I've been doing a lot of deep-dive analyses of late). I deserve a break. You deserve a break. So let's do it.

Here's my top three fantasy rom-com series at the moment!

Pick them up if you enjoy a bit of smutty fantasy and are in the mood to laugh.

1. Anything by Kimberly Lemming

I do not know if my tits were built for murder. I don't even think they were built with my back in mind.

Lemming is an auto-buy author for me. This woman is bloody hilarious. The humour is farcical and somewhat absurdist, which is my absolute favourite style. I grew up with the likes of Monty Python, The Mighty Boosh, and The Confessions of Georgia Nicholson - so Lemming's work is right up my alley.

Her character Alexis, the dirty-talking sword (yes, you read that correctly) is, in my mind, nothing short of comedic genius.

"Oh my god, chip my steal, you're so annoying," Alexis snapped. "Maybe if you fixed your attitude and took a bath once in a while, women would talk to you. You smell like old cheese and a mother's regret."

I know some reviewers have been thrown off my the modern vernacular in Lemming's work, due to its medieval-like fantasy setting. However, I think that is exactly what makes these books so good (and refreshing).

The love interests speak a bit more "ye oldy", while the female protagonists speak like we do. The result is something akin to what might happen if a modern romance reader were dropped into a smutty fantasy world. It's brilliant. For example:

"Every scratch," he whispered, his tone gentle and comforting. "Every bruise, I will pay back in fire and blood." I blinked. "Um... that is so sweet but so unnecessary."

I'd recommend reading Lemming's work in publication order, which is as follows (links included):

That Time I Got Drunk and Saved a Demon

Mistlefoe (novella - available with KU)

That Time I Got Drunk and Yeeted a Love Potion at a Werewolf

Two Scoops of Hellfire (novella - standalone - available with KU)

A Bump in Boohail (novella - available with KU)

That Time I Got Drunk and Saved a Human

2. Alphas of Nasila series by V.K. Ludwig

“If you ever see me running in heels, then you better run, too,” she says with a scoff. “What am I supposed to run away from, anyway?” “Me!” “Why? You got a chase kink or something?”

The best way I can think to describe this series is that it is Omegaverse satire. The pairings are alien males and human females, and the smut / romance includes all your fairly standard A/B/O tropes - with the exception of non-con. The consent is refreshingly solid here.

Book one of this series, Heat for Hire, was actually my entry into the Omegaverse. If you're unfamiliar with the genre, then this is a good place to start because the protagonist, Elli, is unfamiliar with how alpha/omega pairings work. So all the... ahem... knotting, heat cycles, etc. are explained via her first experience of them.

My skin prickles at the memory of Rhen’s growl. But only until I remember that I rubbed myself to orgasm on a civil servant.

However, book two, Knot for Nest is by far the best of the series, in my opinion. The chemistry between the two protagonists, Lucy and Tjor, is brilliant - and it's just a genuinely hilarious read. Lucy is a snarky, independent omega who absolutely knows how to play the big, bad alphas to her advantage.

Book three, Purr for Purchase, is a lot higher angst (and less comedic) than its predecessors. It wasn't really my cup of tea, but that's just because I'm not a huge fan of pregnancy in romance.

If you've tried the Omegaverse before but not enjoyed it because of the power imbalances or dub/non-con, then I'd still recommend this series. The Omega / Alpha dynamic is very much reserved for the bedroom and does not reflect how the couple interacts outside of it. This is particularly true of Lucy and Tjor. She might enjoy being "dominated" during sex, but she genuinely holds all the power in the relationship.

“Big, bad alpha, all calm and well-behaved between my thighs.”

The characters in each Alphas of Nasila book are interconnected and the events chronological. However, you do not necessarily have to read these books in order. If you're sceptical of the Omegaverse in general, start with book two. All these novels are available with KU.

3. Claws & Cubicles Series by Kate Prior

Some people really haven’t adjusted to life under the Dark Reign of Terror yet. Some things are different, but honestly it’s all cosmetic. Things aren’t that different from when we had a normal, living CEO.

This series is like The Office, but with monsters (and smut). The dry, relatable humour of a boring corporate job - but with non-human co-workers like orcs, the undead, etc - is genius.

The comedy definitely leans into that classic British deadpan / understatement style. Think IT Crowd, Faulty Towers, and After Life. I think anyone who's ever worked in an office will definitely be smirking and chuckling their way through this series.

“You could have just called me in. I’ve got skin.” I wonder if that last remark is rude or something. After all, he doesn’t really have skin, to my knowledge. I hope I don’t have to take an undead sensitivity training class now.

Book one, Live Laugh Lich, gets pretty kinky (the MMC has three... er... yes). The smut here isn't going to be for everyone. But I liked the humour so much that I didn't really mind if the intimate scenes weren't my cup of tea.

However book two, The Orc From the Office, holds a much broader appeal, I think. I adored this installment. I'd recommend pushing through and reading this, even if you had mixed feelings on book one. The orc MMC is a socially awkward cinnamon roll and I love him.

I wonder distantly if my health insurance covers being eviscerated by Orc cock.

Book three, The Gargoyle from General Management, left me a bit wanting in terms of the character development. However, the setting of everyone being away together on a company retreat was comedy gold.

All of the Claws & Cubicles books are available on KU.

That's all! I hope you enjoy the smutty rom-com fantasy recs!

This post includes affiliate links to help me create content. No pressure to use them! But if you do, I'll be very grateful :)

[kickthecan-revolution]

Mr. Peach, aka “big Jim” (James the Giant Peach) is still here. The rescue said she’d take him after he healed from his surgery. I called, I texted - no reply. I ended up at my vet’s house Saturday night, he and his partner invited me to their daughter’s second birthday party (and I showed up, another miracle). She was supposed to be there but didn’t come which felt strange. The next day, I finally texted my vet’s partner (who manages the operations for their mobile vet company), I asked her if A (rescue owner as well as an employee) was ok, that I’d not heard from her. That I didn’t want my vet to know, as she was his employee and her rescue should be separate from that. I learned that over the weekend, A had gotten several kittens she’d found homes for returned, and she was overwhelmed.

When I tell you the panic. It was a Thing.

I texted A letting her know I’d heard about her situation and that we were fine here and I’d check back in next week, she called and we talked for a while. I love her commitment to always taking a cat back if it doesn’t work. She’s new to all of this and I’m not going to pile on to adding another cat in her parents’ house where her dad isn’t a fan of all of this to begin with. There’s an adoption event that I’m going to bring him to this Saturday. I put an ad up on Next Door.

I’m not going to talk about the melt down I had after we hung up, into that evening. What I will say is how thankful I am for this experience, for all the purging of pain and fear I’m experiencing, old old old stuff that has clouded my judgment and my beliefs about others, and myself.

The next morning I woke up and dreaded going into Peach’s room for hours to play with him, then come out and play with the others, then back in with Peach at night. I realized how my entire life, I never made a move if the person in front of me was sad/angry/displeased with me. I froze - calculated- and shifted however I needed to so that would stop. The entirety of my focus has been watching others and reacting so I’d stay connected, not rejected, not alone, not hated.

The rage of that - of those in my life not being willing to look past the glittery, funny, storytelling persona - engulfed me. The anger of no one being interested enough to go deeper - wanting to know me well enough, so they just accepted what was mostly just bullshit- the grief of that - was intense.

Something in me cleared and shifted. The constant worry about these cats - the panic at their reaction, the worry of Peach behind that closed door - it was my sole focus. This is all me, projecting so much onto them. In a good mood when things are peaceful and everyone seemed chill and rhen slammed into despair and panic and tears at the slightest altercation, desperate for help. So the answer to that was to separate them all and force that peace.

But *I* wasn’t peaceful, that meant splitting my time up in that small room with him trying to keep him entertained vs my life outside of it where all I was doing was worrying about him. More of the same, abandoning myself for someone else’s experience, convinced that their experience was the key to me staying alive, having love, being liked. Being ok. Feeling almost sick inside with worry and fretting. Putting them into the core of me being alive and surviving that day. I’ve been consumed by this for two months, almost three.

So I just opened up all of the doors. I don’t want anymore closed doors in my home, I don’t want that experience anymore. As long as Peach is here, the doors are going to be open. Not to the outside, so the big girls will be on a schedule to be on the deck. I slid my experience up to the front of my mind, and prioritized it. The voice inside, “you selfish asshole, putting these cats in harm, what are you doing?” started screaming. I told it to leave. I pushed it away each time it showed me something terrible that might happen. I told it to leave. I kept saying “fuck this, fuck you. Go away.” I didn’t let the big girls outside, I wasn’t going to do that thing where I let them in and out, in and out, in and out. Stay in and deal with it.

In the midst of the hissing, growling, trilling (that was Peach, so excited to be with the cats), I started cleaning. I’ve neglected my space these last two months, just doing the basics like dishes, etc. so I put things away, cleaned the refrigerator, hung clothes up, swept, took tons of garbage out I’d kept on the side deck. I did laundry , straightened my room. I was done worrying about it. As Shirley said, no one is going to die. No one has died. Then we all took a nap I my room, Buddy and Minnie on the bed and Peach underneath it (he tried to get up a few times and they were not having it). Peace. On my terms. Because this is my house. A new frontier gained.

The strength of that moment is not something I can put into words. It was the Diane that was never able to really leave her mom to go be with friends or OUT LIVING, discovering who she was because her mom would be by herself in that horrible house with that horrible man alone, how dare she go have fun when her mom was so sad, alone. Maybe in danger without her to be her comfort and protector. It’s the Diane who would do everything to make her mom less sad, less angry, less upset so her mom wouldn’t disappear into her room with a migraine, incapacitated, in so much pain she was suicidal. That Diane put herself first yesterday, and did it again this morning. And will do so everyday until the universe shows the path for Peach.

I’m so grateful for this experience. For Shirley, helping me see when I am just purging, being my spiritual companion and guide through this process. Helping me understand that these cats are all just mirrors for what I need to heal and grow. I don’t really even talk about her much because of how out there this is, more than once it’s come to me that this is scam and she’s is kind of crazy and I’ve allowed someone nuts significant access to my mental well being. But then I come back to the impact - the growth, the clarity, overcoming so many fears - and I know all of this has been designed for me and my continued growth. So this morning, there are happy tears, grateful tears. I’m proud of myself. And I am thankful to Peach for coming here and helping me.

[jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue]

Just me fangirling every day since you decided to answer my message thinking on the fact that my wirter crush answered me! 😭 Blue! How many times I tought about the fact that I would love to have a book written by you on my hands to keep and cherish forever while I was on my way to read all you have shared! 💜 An now that I've read the lattest chapter of OLL 🥴 I'm done! I will religiously follow you to see and enjoy what you have to tell us trough your stories!

You ask me to tell you which is my fav story so far, but it's nearly impossible! Instead may I say WHY I love each one? Let me tell you that the first story I read was The CEO BTS one, and to say that I was speachless is little compared to what I really felt! I forgot about time and got lost and carried away by your style of writing! I was (still am) so enamoured of the fact that you write Bangtan so well! I can perfectly picture everyone doing what you say on every scene. For example, I remember the scene when MC was locked away on the archive room and everyone was trying to coax her open the door asking what happened but Hobi was the one who went to actually investigate what happened going to see on the security cameras, I nearly yelled: OF COURSE IT WAS MY MAN! That's so hecking OC of him! 😫 Think there was the point when you bewitched me 😂 I'm OT7 but Hobi is my forever bias ❤️ Rhen when I started reading OLL and got to the point when we saw Hobi's sadistic side 👁️👄👁️... Well, I've never before harboured thoughts of him doing that kind of stuff but it was so perfect that it just makes total sense with his personality 😂

And then I got to read Bleeding butterflies 😭 and I have zero regrets of not sleeping those days because I was so hooked on the world you created! The way you describe every member with them powers that fits so well! The way you included that awesome scenes with Taetae speaking to Erebos, Nyx and the other gods! The scene with the fairies emerging from the woods 😍 Blue you have my eternal gratitude for letting me experience that universe along my seven boyfriends 😭

I hope this long long letter doesn't botter you 🥹 but I have a ton of compliments to write, because as I previosly told you, I've been on a rollercoastee of emotions reading your works ❤️ The last story I read was Harbouring an hybrid 😭 and I'm so worried for Jiminshi that it brakes my heart to pieces! Altought I still harbour some hope 😭

Big thank you for answering my message and hope you know how amazing and how talented you are! 🫣 Sorry! Much text... By now you must know how passionately I express myself 😂 I left much toughts unsaid! Like how I adored The royal bodiguards AU 💜 and every What if story 😍 specially the Hybrids! Because You take care of details and explain every hecking fact too well it blows my mind!

Okok love u and goodnight!

😭😭😭 do you know how many times I’ve reread this 🥺🥺🥺 I actually want to bawl my eyes out this was everything 💜💜💜 you can have whatever the hell you want from me lovely, whatever update chapter new fic idea spoilers etc etc whatever you want it’s yours I don’t even care anymore that was everything 🥹🥹🥹

My universes are so close to my heart so when someone appreciates them like this I just get so soft 😭

I am keeping you forever and ever and ever don’t even THINK about leaving me I will riot and go on hiatus until you come back 🥺 …..no pressure 🤣🤣

I’ve actually reread harbouring a hybrid because I need to update it it’s been too long and I forgot how sad I made it 👀 even I was like what the hell

Please take my heart and all my love 💜

[uglyduckling339]

KY'S LIFE IS STRANGE DOUBLE EXPOSURE NONSENSE LIVEBLOG: Chapter 1

(spoilers obvi) (these will only make sense if u watched or played the game and even then it may be shakey lmao)

tutorial

(edit lmfao i forgot to post this on wednesday, its been sitting in my drafts so thats y some of the comments sound weird)

chat i fear this was such a bad playthrough on my behalf...

LOVE LOVE LOVE max having trauma. i want to see her suffer in this game

LIS2 PHOTO !!!!

something i havent seen alot of people mention is the fact that bc they have a diff pose, it's likely that they took a bunch (or at least 2) selfies and gave one to david then kept the other. (also means rhat chloe could have a version of this pic as well !!!!)

pricefield travelling bc they couldn't js settle down </3 (somebody remind me and i'll do my pricefield analysis btw)

depending on the outfit you pick, max can have pink tips !!!! #canonpinkhair

JOURNAL .

OH MY GOD SHES WRITING TO CHLOE.

stop okay i love this new journal. the idea that post storm she got a whole new one; max dissociating after the storm (she says the days blurred n stuff), max always being "stuck in the past", chloe never looking at her the same after she learned abt joyce, so much angst oml

"she left me" oh my god

okay i need to move on from the journal lmfao

ngl i actually love amanda as a friend. she fr brought max food and noticed rhat taking pictures helps her cope best

okayyy reggie is my new fav side character. he's such a cutie pootie fr

ew it's fake rachel amber

VINH?? THE VINH??

TAKE THAT BIPHOBIC MAX "FANS"

vinh and max have chemistry better then her and Amanda i fear

LMFAOO?? WHY DOES MAX HAVE THE REPUATION OF A LOCK-PICK?? WHAT DID SHE DO BRUH💀😭

i need gwen so badly tbh. i'm like 80% sure shes not evil and she's rhe david madsen of this game

actually ykw i need ALL of yall. this whole game is full of baddies

i love the accent that safi and her mom have.

that suicide question is fucking stupid bc?? the game is about solving a murder?? who would pick the probably option thats crazy (girl who picked the probably option)

i'm ngl from this point onward i started lowkey speedrunning the game and thats when i fucked up so i'm gonna replay soon and slow tf down😭😭

LORETTA WHEN I CATCH YOU LORETTA.

LET ME GET HER. LEMME AT HER.

im gonna beat this bitches ass oh my god

GWEN NO CUM BACK- I MEAN CUM- I MEAN CU-

shit i think gwen's rhe one i need to actually like me but like😭 im so bad without rewind

i love moses but blud is yappin too much tbh

yes king i miss her too. yes king men can cry too. yes king you can grieve. now give me magic

bye why is loretta theatening max.

max is SO unbothered by that threat💀 shes like "i rewound time to save my ex-gf from being shot and the kid who shot her continued to harass me for the rest of rhe week until my professor murdered him (and kidnapped me and killed my ex gf), this is so NOT a big deal"

chat so i MAY have gotten scared after gwen and avoided beefing with lucas. another mistake to fix next gameplay ig

yay magic

i miss using L2. R1 is such a stupid ass button

okay so all in all, its so interesting to see the ending percentages. especially knowing that its mostly super fans bc of the ultimate thing.

also interesting that as of 8pm EST on opening day, 59% of players chose bae>bay. also like a overwhelming majority romanced chloe and that is SO important to note to me

i'm 100% gonna resume chapter 2 tmmr and rhen likely start a new save at some point next week to slow down and REALLY focus on the details that i missed cuz i missed hella stuff

[ilargeicontradictmiself]

Boston telling nick "no serious stuff now but someday... who knows?...." and stirring the pot, who just said "they made out two years ago, but it could be happening still, he could be using you, fuck me" and top was like "yeah actually you're right", nick who would rather bug his car than tell him he likes him likes him and doesn't want him fucking other guys, top and sand who...i dont even know, ray still into mew, mew his friend, who started this whole thing with sand, who likes this whole thing with sand A LOT but will be honest with him will tell him that he needs emotional support and sex even if he doesn't want sabd to be his boyfriend, sand who's never kept something like this going for this long, who likes this thing with ray and will try how he can go without it becoming something else (for now, lol) and mew who's testing top at every turn, who knows about the whole thing with him and ray and top and ray and maybe even Boston and top. And all of then just doing shit just messing around just needing and something and the ways they ask or don't ask for it i LOVE IT. I also love the way they made Nick and Boston and Ray and Sand be similar but different situations, Nick gets hurt more because he wants more and won't ask for it he's torturing himself and falling without any boundaries, boston who doesn't have boundaries, who likes being able to move around and do what he wants, who knows what other people may need but not caring enough to really do something in their interest, only in his, ray and sand who are testing the waters, saying what they need and saying what they don't want to be even if they don't stick to it, the difference is that they're clearer with each other than boston and nick, the difference is that what they want is more aligned than what nick and Boston do, the difference is that Sand will test how far he can go and regret it and set a boundary when he sees he's slipping and rhen he'll change his mind and test again, while nick will jump without a rope and think he'll beat gravity

[wander-wren]

i’m on my third rewatch of tristamp and HUNGRY! (ep4) as an episode is so so special to me. i love it so much.

first of all if you know me in any capacity you’ll understand that i am so. ack. about the inclusion of vash’s food issues as a part of the episode’s arc and not just a one-off line. we see it again in ep8. both times he refuses to eat after a disaster that nai caused (but he blames himself for). but! in episode 8 he only eats again after saving lives/proving himself useful, whereas in episode 4 he eats because wolfwood said he deserves to. indirectly. he doesn’t save anyone. he tries! he’s doing his best! but in the end it’s wolfwood who does all the work. and vash still eats. ack

but yeah i fully believe that comment to zazie, “no matter how heavy the cross is you carry, you deserve to eat. and to laugh!” is why vash later said wolfwood has “the eyes of a good guy.”

(and hey, i do think there’s some significance to him defending wolfwood specifically in the context of wolfwood offering vash food and roberto accusing him of poisoning it. just saying.)

first, the way wolfwood phrases that (especially since right before, he said to zazie “i’m like you”) makes it seem like he knows what it is to carry a (metaphorical) cross, and to feel like you don’t deserve things. so vash feels a kinship with him and admires that he’s apparently overcome that and is trying to help zazie do the same.

(now, we find out later that wolfwood already knows zazie, but i’m working with the assumption that he didn’t realize it was her yet. correct me if im wrong on that. if i am wrong i’ll be sad bc i’ll have to reevaluate a lot :(()

second, it definitely matches up with things rem and luida said about food, which boils down to “whether you choose to eat it or not it still matters that you get it, that you have that choice.” which, uh. we’re gonna unpack my own feelings on that at a later time, possibly never. but that definitely would help vash to see wolfwood as trustworthy/good.

to be clear, vash isn’t naive. from their limited interactions he can see wolfwood has some darkness to him, and he can see that he’s used to being disliked, distrusted. he doesn’t bat an eye at meryl and roberto questioning him, but he does react to vash calling him good. vash has had 150+ years to get good at reading people. wolfwood even calls him out about turning his back multiple times, calling him stupid, but rhen he proves vash right by not hurting him.

of course, there’s another layer to the whole eating thing, which is that vash might not need to eat? it’s implied that he likes food/eating in flashbacks, and we learn later that he isn’t a defective plant, he can generate things (in a way), so it would follow that he doesn’t need food??

which might seem, initially, like it lessens the impact of his disordered eating. but it doesn’t. first of all, it’s still a thing vash takes pleasure in, which he has very little of, so denying himself food as punishment is still Very Bad. but also…it’s kind of the only effective form of self-harm he has. he heals quickly and has an insane pain tolerance, and he has literally nothing to lose because he doesn’t have anything/anyone to start with. maybe he won’t starve, but that’s not the point.

[borathae]

every single one was created from the depths of my pussy. all the "post main story"-smuts for SA and aaol? the slut created them. - LMAOOOOO 😂🤣💜😂💜🤣😭

Okay I'll also add to the discourse :

1. Yoonkook OC threesome destroyed me. IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE.

2. There's something extra darling about OGC jk oc tae threesomes like she's a fucking queen and they treat her so I LOVED IT. I think your blog made me fall in love with sub bts and queen reader like you do it so beautifully it's very hot of you.

3. People pick cold gun but I'll pick kinktober SOPE threesome drabble bcz can I tell you..no wait lemme YELL ABOUT IT QOQUQGVAGA Yoongi was being fucking feasted on and he was so qoqiwugwgaga I wasiauahgs that description of weight and warmth from hoseok while he suffocates happily under OC and then he feels how warm hobi was and then hobi was glassy eyed and after a while there were just squeaks and whimpers and moaning and it was literally so good omg I WAS SO FERAL and when hobi gets slapped at first for being a brat but rhen the OC dirty kisses him while squirming on top of yoongi and he's bouncing on him ansoquwywgwha MAM WE NEED A PART 2.

I'm very excited for cold gun whenever it coems out jauqusg I know it will be top tier. Also special mention for pet play tae (I WILL ALSO ADD THAT OILED FOOT JOB SHUT UP AIAYWGGAGAGA) and amazon seokjin yes king we know you're humongous.

Am I forgetting something? I feel like I am?

Oh yes excuse me TAEKOOK TAEKOOK TAEKOOK TAEKOOK TAEKOOK BACKSEAT QOQIWHABSHHSHS I DIDN'T SCREAM ABOUT IT DID I??? HOLY OWI2UWHS my man koo was born to squirm... Gosh tae was so hot aowuwyhs

Gotta go cool down bye aiaiau

Listen. I said what I said fhahahhah 😔💅🏻

YES HARDEST YES ISTFG

Their threesomes haunt me so hard they were so horny and unhinged fjasdjf the one where they fuck in a tent is peak Queen!OC and I can't get enough of them. I want my men to be obsessed or else I don't want them 😩

I DIDN'T THINK ANYONE LOVED IT THAT MUCH FJDSJF this is such an underrated threesome on my blog LIKE IT'S SO DELICIOUS FAJDFJA I'M BARKING

Pet Player!Tae fucking consumes me istfg I think irl!Tae is into it, I said what i fucking said fajdfj the same with footjobs, irl!Tae has a foot kink I said what I fucking said

honestly huge dicked!Jin getting fingered in the Amazon position will never leave my mind why are we seriously so unhinged on this blog? ahaha

Oh yes excuse me TAEKOOK TAEKOOK TAEKOOK TAEKOOK TAEKOOK BACKSEAT QOQIWHABSHHSHS I DIDN'T SCREAM ABOUT IT DID I??? HOLY OWI2UWHS my man koo was born to squirm... Gosh tae was so hot aowuwyhs

I'm not even gonna say more. I was scared of myself once I finished that smut. Like what was I on? fuckingnnfd I'm so into squirmy!kook afjfhasd he is born to be a subby little cutie FADJFJ

[faerociousbeast]

actually i already rated the "canon" ships what am i doing. i know ill rate them again

naruhina: -10/10. concept is mediocre at best, popular guy x shy girl but that is literally not what is happening here. can we stop pretending its good

sasusaku: -10/10. please project onto someone else

narusaku: 2/10. they care about each other a lot so i guess its ok-er but still not very good romantically. but again if it were endgame it wouldve been not AS bad

inosai: 4/10. it makes so much sense but also zero sense and i never know how to feel about it. sai isnt a sasuke replacement tho. lavender marriage?

shikatema: 3/10. good in concept but again. see sokka and suki atla thats what this COULD HAVE been but it isnt. just bc theyve actually talked does not mean its good where are your expectations. 3 points for meeting before tho bc for some reason that is so hard in this series

chokarui: 3/10. the reason why the previous one also got 3. 3 points for this one bc i guess theres nothing objectively wrong with it but can we stop getting strong female characters move their entire lives to immigrate to the stupid leaf and rhen get dumbed down to angry housewife? please?

tamakiba: 1/10. i love kiba where did this come from tho. if we put tamaki in a crowd we would lose her. summary of all that is wrong in boruto The Pairings Were Not Planned If They Had To Make Up An Entire Ass Woman

itaizu: 0/10 bro. they were 7.

obirin: 3/10 i have.... mixed feelings. rin isnt enough of an actual character for this

kakarin: 1/10 see above

asukure: -1/10 i actually hate this one. fun fact asumas introduction is him being a misogynistic ass to kurenai, so i kinda never got over that w asumas character BUT THEN THEY WENT AND GOT TOGETHER???? for all i said ab other characters not really Having characters, kurenai really takes the cake. all this did was make her a wife and mom. cool. goodbye

yahikona: 8/10 winnnnn the background random couple of side characters is somehow better than all the main ones!!

hayugao: 5/10. idk if thats the ship name but yugao x hayate. at least they had development i guess but its just. theyre REALLY background

tsunadan: 10/10 love tsunadan live laugh love tsunadan. pairing that had the best development in the whole series and it was like. 3 pages long.

jiratsuna: 1/10 i just dont like jiraiya and tsunades already rejected him why does she have to accept him now. give it up old man

minakushi: 7/10 ive mentioned this before but while the pairing itself is nice, kushinas character gets done so bad w all her ambitions in this, and minato doesnt really have much of a character. better than the main ones but could be better.

hashimito: 4/10 see look i really think this couldve been good but then hashirama rambled about madara the whole time and didnt think to mention his WIFE! once so im kind of mad at him about that. hsmd juice sure ig but mito deserves better

hiruzen and his wife: 2/10. i feel like nobody should have to deal with hiruzen for such an extended amount of time but i remember finding her annoying too

koteizu: 100/10 obviously. of course they are canon. ostrich episode carried they carry love them

[satohqbanana]

Call Me Like You Love Me

Summary: Rhen and Lars call each other names a lot. Then they don't.

Notes:

I dug this up in my drafts. I knew it was going to be a friendship Larshen, but I got hurt reading it nonetheless. I touched this up a bit to alter some parts that didn't quite fit the emotion and thought I perceived through this story. By the way, the names aren't canon, but I just like name-based intimacy.

(Story below cut)

Rhen observes, Lars is more than fond of calling her "Rhenellaine" than simply "Rhen".

Not even Dameon uses her first name in full. Rhen doesn't know what he thinks about her silly birth name, but it's probably similar with her own thoughts - it's pretty cheesy, kinda cliche, but definitely reserved for moments of intimacy and heightened emotions.

And as for her own feelings towards the name, she finds it too long. For a while, she forgets it; prefers the simplified "Rhen Darzon" and uses that whenever a signature is necessary.

Her memories are definitely hazy on how Lars acquired this knowledge. Perhaps she'd been careless in the past. She remembers him sing-songing "Rhen-a-Rhen", and it sounds close to her own name. Maybe an argument or two happened, but what definitely happened was that Lars took a deep liking to it.

There wasn't much she could do to retaliate, except mention his name only when necessary. She loves the face he makes when she refers to him as "the noble brat", or "the sorcerer I graduated with", or "the man I still babysit". Their party thinks it's funny, and even moreso when Galahad strictly refers to Lars as "boy" or "sorcerer".

(Besides, those names and monikers are much better than "Peta" and "Grasshead" - both innocent to outsiders, but reminiscent of a past best kept to the grave.)

Lars never calls her that long name in battle. It's definitely a mouthful to say. He prefers to say it when he's teasing her, or when he's being sarcastic. She notices he never calls her that either when he's pissed off and angry.

Likewise, she only ever calls him by name during the heat of battle. It's short and great for barking orders here and there.

So it's weird.

It's weird that at the mansion in Sedona, he offers her his sincerest apologies--

"I don't know if it's too late for me to say this, but… you deserve to hear this at least. I, I've been a jerk to you this whole time, and… you didn't deserve any of that. I'm sorry… Rhen."

--but it's her nickname that spills from his lips.

It's weird that the night before they face Ahriman, he looks at her with such gentleness, holds her hands in a firm grip, but struggles to form words--

"Rhen… Rhen, I… my, my name… ugh, forget it. I'm nervous. Don't die on me, I mean."

--and still it's her nickname he uses.

So when they finish the whole Ahriman thing and return, she realizes that Lars only utters her nickname now. She loses Dameon, and Lars comforts her--

"You'll find other lovers, Rhen. Better ones."

--but though his words reassures her, it feels so distant, the way Lars says her nickname.

Then, they report to the Oracle, Rhen chooses her fate, and they part their ways. Lars rushes home, and Rhen makes haste to the kingdom she is meant to rule.

By the time that Rhen catches up with the utmost needs of Thais, she realizes Lars completely stopped correspondence. She thinks of sending a letter, but the right words never come to mind. She still has so much to do, so much to think about.

It is during a visit to Veldarah that the pieces of the puzzle fall together.

It is the marriage of a prince, and to honor alliances, Rhen decides to attend. The culture of the Eastern Empire is vastly different, but the Queen of Thais is allowed to witness the main matrimonial rites.

Rhen tries to hide her surprise when she sees that the groom is none other than Lars Tenobor. His name spills from her lips on a hushed whisper, and it is during the ceremony that she hears of his full name - Lars Setiah Tenobor.

Her eyes never leave him as her mind plays upon the concept of his being a prince, his marriage, and his full name that she never got to know, never heard from him.

They meet again at the reception dinner. Rhen pays her respects to the Empress, then to the newlyweds. Lars offers her a smile. He introduces his veiled bride to her and back, whose radiance emanates even when Rhen can barely see the other woman's face from beneath the layers of cloth.

Lars guides her through the conversation, does most of the talking, asks her lots of questions. She is slightly relieved, for she is not sure what to say. Her eyes keep on him, but his only briefly meets hers.

It's unfair, and she almost wants to punch him.

But she can't. She can't, because it's rude to his new wife, rude to the Empire. She can't, because the damage is done, and the distance is achingly obvious. She wants to break down and cry. She wants to hold her sword again, don her sword singer uniform, shed her royal identity and yell at Lars at the top of her lungs while he laughs and he makes sassy remarks and he calls her "Rhenellaine" again.

But she can't.

"It's nice. We haven't talked like this in a while… Lars."

And she can only call him by that one name.

He regards her one last time, and her name falls from his lips--

"Thank you, Rhen. Ahem, no, Your Majesty."

The space between them had become a chasm, and a suffocating pain throbs in her chest.

She limits her visits to Veldarah and the Eastern Empire for the rest of her life. She marries. She has children. She leads Thais into prosperity. She takes her last breath.

And though her diaries reveal it's always been a question in her mind, she never gets to know if Lars ever managed to abolish slavery.

[naurasweetarudesu]

Star Rails Chronicle Prologue

Attention: Basically if you confused how the engines in my humanized AU works, they basically like tsukumogami or spirit of the locomotive. So, yeah. They're semi immortal as long the 'second body' (which is their engine) is safe.

On a cold night in September, the 7th, 1998, two elderly figures were sitting on the front porch of their home drinking tea. One was hot tea. The other was tea with ice.

"You're so weird, Skarloey," chuckled Rheneas. "How can you drink iced tea in the middle of a cold night like this?" He continued.

"I'm used to it, Rhen." Skarloey replied. "Drinking something cold after work makes me feel more refreshed."

"Yes, but it's fall season! If you catch a cold, who else will suffer because of it if not you? Or me, since I'll have to take your train!" Rheneas grumbled. Skarloey only replied with a giggle.

"Hey, Rhen." Skarloey suddenly spoke up, breaking their silence who had been observing the starry sky. "I actually thought of a question that might be… rather abstract."

"Let me guess, you want to ask my opinion on that abstract question." Rheneas answered without looking at Skarloey.

"Ehh, how do you know?" Skarloey frowned.

"Well, you're always like that. Asking abstract questions like; Can we as engines go to college? Or 'Does another world exist?" and so on." Rheneas refilled his empty glass.

"Wow, you even memorized it," Skarloey blushed. "So, do you want to hear my question or not?"

Rheneas was not one to dwell on things that could not necessarily be proven, unlike Skarloey. "It's not practical!" he would say. But in an age where the world demands us to move and think fast without mercy like this, sometimes fantasizing about what might happen or what might exist in this world is the best 'break' you can get. Letting go of your fantasies without having to care about the harsh reality for a few minutes.

"Okay. What was the question?"

"Experience shapes us, doesn't it? Considering that experience is synonymous with memory, do you think that if someone loses all their memories, it's the same with resetting them into a blank paper? Where in the end you can mold someone with a new and different personality than before?"

Rheneas only fell silent at that question. He had prepared all the strange questions Skarloey might ask. But in the end he was always surprised.

"Oh, umm… first of all, that was really long. Secondly, how did you come up with that question?"

"No idea. It just suddenly came to me…" Skarloey stared at his reflection in the tea in his glass.

Rheneas muttered for a moment, before finally speaking.

"Well, Skarloey, I don't think that's possible." Rheneas answered in the end.

"Why is that?"

"If we use the Nativus theory, no one is born as a blank paper. Basically, everyone must have an original personality they have since birth, no matter how small it is. Experience is just another reason why a person can change.

Take yourself for example. Remember when you first came here, you were very arrogant but also jolly at the same time? Now look at yourself. Now you are wise, everyone admires you. But you haven't lost your jolly side, have you?

But that's just my opinion. We never see how someone who loses all their memories and becomes someone else behaves, right?" Rheneas explained at length

Skarloey nodded at Rheneas' answer. He then sighed. "Glad to hear there's hope in your opinion, Rhen."

Meanwhile, Sir Handel, who woke up in the middle of the night to get some drinking water, could only watch the two old figures chatting from the window.

"What are they doing at this time of night? Ah, who cares? I'll just go back to sleep." He closed the curtains and returned to his bedroom.

Ah, if only he knew…

[soulsalight]

does the mun still use rhen??

Not really, no and not even because of lack of interest in him on anyone else's part.

Thing is, I've personally always had a hard time connecting with original characters over canon ones and that most definitely goes for my own original characters as well.

I mean my muses are almost exclusively canon ones. I have only 2(!) OCs on here, Rhen and Lucca, and Lucca has been a mess I don't know what to do with for quite some time now. Frankly, I just don't care about them or exploring them/interactions between them and others as much as I do care about my canon muses.

And then there is the fact that after FFXIV released the bunny bois, everyone flocked to them (as expected) but instead of boosting my want to write Rhen (with other Viera as well as just anyone in general) he felt more and more replaceable, or even so far off from what the general lore was becoming that he ended up not as interesting to me either.

I'm not saying I'll never ever write him again, but unless I get hit out of nowhere with some inspiration he stays on the backburner, as do quite a few of my other muses.

So, tldr: No.

[silverghost1001]

It hurts so much, I dont know why I can never do anything right. Especially when I try to. I only hurt wveryone and cause fights and make everything wrong and im sorry i know im not supposed to be alive, i should've died but idk how or why im still here. Maybe I should've just given in back in 2019. Maybe they'd have been better like that. Without me to annoy and make more bills that they'd need to pay. Maybe if I stopped eating and slowly used less and less things it'll make them happier? If i made myself invisible they wouldn't be able to be mad at. If i died then i wouldn't be a problem anymore and it hurts because im rrying my best i promise i am but its never enough how can i ever be enoghj? I want to make them happy but im so useless i cant even do basic stuff im too useless to even keep myself alive and even more useless to just kill myself already and get rid of their problme because if i hadnt been born everyone wouldve been happier and lived better and i wouldnt be there to make expenses and make people upset and do everything wrong because even my name i manage to get wrong and im so rieed i dont know what to do anymore and the only thing i deserve is pain and bad things but im so selfish that i still crave to be able to relay on somwone to be able to tell them my fears and woeries and then hug then when my heart feels heavy and my lungs refuse to breathe and everythings too much and i cant cry i just want to die but its Selfish because people depend on me and itd just prove how fucking useless i am because id be letting them down just cuz my family is always angry at me and everyone says my family doesn't hate me but if they dont, then im so fucking scared of the moment i take a wrong step and they hate me because this is horrible and im constantly scared of everything and i cant even losten to voice messages because I get scared that it'll be just them screaming at me for something while on good days i can baeely pay enough attention to pass my classes and i only manage to make friends because thwy probably pity me and i probably wouldnt make a single difference if i just vanished and maybe thats what i should do. Maybe i should just run away and die far away, maybe by the time they found my body everyone would've forgotten and moved on. I mean, people have already done that while im still alive. My mom simply left and pretends i never exosted, tells everyone i hate my brother even when I'd kill myself if it meant him being okay and happy. Im not religious, and i certainly dont believe on fairy tales, but all my wishes and prayers are that the 2 people that still matter to me, will be fine and happy. Even if ut costs my own happiness. Wven if it costs my own life. I would rather die in miswry and alone rhen know that i could've made them okay and prefered to keep this shitty existence going. They matter. They are important. Im just a fucking accident that should've died years ago and everyone probably regrets saving from each and every single i almost died during these 17 years. Maybe its not too late... Who am i kidding? I couldnt simply go and diaturb the school's calendar. There's group projects that depend on me and I've already done too many wrong things for me to just do more as if it'd be okay. Yhey dont deserve that stress, they already deal with so much. But me? I deserve every single bit of pain and anger that is inflicted upon me. I deserve to be hated and screamed at. I deserve every single horrible thing that may happen to me because im just a swlfish souless useless piece of trash and i should die already because im good for nothing other than taking up space and using up resources that could've been used for something better and more important. And evne if i wrote for the rest of my life i wouldnt be able to get everything out and im just so tired on so many ways.

Im sorry. Im truly very sorry. Im going to sleep now.

It'll be fine.

[knightlyrogue]

maybe after i graduate but i dont know. things keep stopping me from just doing it i need to actually lock in and pick a date and just stick it out i know i shoildnt say that here but i will forget otherwise and im already. Kind alosing it rn?? i broke down in front of my brother today and i almost strangled him i dont know who he is i dont know who i am im not me right now and everyone next to me was never real and i never seen rhem before and km losinf it im losing it so hard right nkw and i need skmeone tks ee my fickfifn skull theyll know then theyll all know when im gone i will write i will write and write and write and write and write and write and write and write so theyll remember and so ill keep writing and writing and writing and writing and writing you do not understand and youll never understand you think you do but you never will i will perish and its all so predictable it will always turn out this way i am scarred wounds too deep to ever truly heal and for it to mean that i survived. i am not alive and i was never alive from the moment i was cut out from my mother i am freezinf i am so so so so cold. they need to dismantle all of it i dknt understand whar is wrong with my head and i want it to just stip its been years and i will lash out and hurt those who dare get close you know who you are you shouldnt be here and i will do somethifn and everyone will see then how serious i was my feet are muddy and freezinf the water up just below the knees and my hands shared the same amount of mud it stuck under my fingernails and the broken glass and ropes still hang jn my closet and i want to join them in inanimacy, my life seeping into the floor and i will haunt this house i will haunt this house and this ground forever and then youll know youll finally lnow what it is to open your eyes and pull your head out of your ass and maybe just maybe yoill realize how much of an effect you truly have i dont even talk to you anymore father would he still not respect me for what i wm now and what i will become if i keep walking the water will get pasr my knees rhen my waist then my chesr. then i will swim. i will drown. i will drown. i will drown. i will drown. i will drown. i will drown. inwill drowl i will frown i will drown i will drown. i will drown. i will drown. i will. drown iwill drown i wkl frownn i wilddrown iwild drone im gojgn to drown i am drownign but i have to get up and keep walking. keep walkifn i fjckeibf. hate uou hiu onow what yiu did i will fickfinf find yih and mamoe yiu remember i will remember j have remember i fuckifn hate uou illstranglienand lill you ill rememer. ill always remember. and by the time you forget finally i will open you back up and pour the boiling water, boiling for years. it was closed off and had nowhere to go. festering and festering and growinf more erratic and awful. youll feel it in your lungs. i will watch you squirm as the water churns out of your trhoat snd then i still will not be satiated. theyll never find youfather just leik they never foudn him oor rhe other one. i am your daughter and i will prove it to youwjkwjaf am i talkinf about im so uslet rn i dknt know i need to do it and when i do they wont they wonr they wonr he will die and i will die blood blood blood theyll never find you i oromse you i dont know you or him or myself i wont find myself and by the time i do it will be too late i will be spilling everywhere in the tub