knightlyrogue - Tumblr blog

[knightlyrogue]

never fuckinf mind im back. because i have no one to tell this to anymore because i cut everyone out of my life and im abt to cut even more

thinkinf about you, and what i would have done if i were in your shoes. Youre a really stupid fucking person and you say you learned but you are onlyblearning things that should have been common sense. you know who you are. you left me with the 20 year old for WEEKS. knowing they were like that KNOWINF WHAT WE WERE DOINF TOO?? IM SURE THE CROPPED PORN HAS IMPLICATIONS????? or were you really that stupid? or did you never care for me at all? i cared about you so much. Sooo so much i made you my life and you knew it why couldnt you have just told me to back up so we werent like this years later i could have gotten over it. you did this YOU DID THIS. im going to actually do it one day and will you be as haunted as you said youd be? will it cloud your mind as much as you said it would when it happens? i fuckinf doubt it. i know it wont. but we will see when i finally get the guts.

[knightlyrogue]

abandoning this account. wont delete it because it shows my previous emotions but i will no longer use it because my emotions r no longer this anymore

[knightlyrogue]

if it takes you a week to say ANYTHING to me ill assume you hate me

[knightlyrogue]

i wish i dodnt forget everything about myself i wish i didnt have bpd i just lost everythinf i ever felt withon the last 5 months in one conversation i fucking hate this so much and i just ruined a fucking friendship i think and i fuckinf feel awful about it i dont know what im supposed to do and the worst part is that i cant remember myself or how i felt ever they were all right i am a spineless prick and im sorry

[knightlyrogue]

i just took a bunhch of lills again el oh el

[knightlyrogue]

this sucks bad and i miss you bad

[knightlyrogue]

i miss you so fucking bad was this the right choice i dont know please come back

[knightlyrogue]

are you willing to prove that you truly loved me

[knightlyrogue]

sol i dont know if youre gonna read this but i want you to know i love you i love you so much and i wish it worked out so much but you have to understand how much effort i was putting into it and how demotivating it was to just. i dont know. not have it be reciprocated. you have the choice to walk away and live happily like it never happened but i dont it still feels terrible the wound has not even began healing yet i am still bleeding out and you're far away and i'll never see you again in a way that matters. and thats terrible. you're terrible. you get to live normally and i dont. i tried time and time again to get better but something always happened or got in the way of me. its like im meant to stay this way. was i just a stepping stone for you? i fucking hate you. i hate you so much why do you not get to feel how i feel because you werent as invested as i was i wish you turned me away instead of giving me false hope. i wanted you to hate me because i know you knew i didn't have the strength. you know i never have emotional strength and yet you stayed. but you left me you left me over and over and i tried leaving you but it didnt leave as gaping of a hole as you left in me. it's unfair that you get to be happy and live on. i will break my teeth and my nails on the rock i will destroy myself beyond repair but you know i wont. i will be empty my whole life though without you but i will never go back. fuck you and ACTUALLY fuck you too. i hate you so much why wouldbyou do this to me whatdid i do todeserve this i ront know what i did olease tell me tell meni dont know what i did was i thatawful of a fuckifn oartner what if i kill myself then will that finally makeuoubsee? or will you just forget about me and move on with your fuckinf life i hate you i hate you so much its so unfair i hate you i hate you i will kill myself and make you see but you wont be inflicted with suffering will you? youll just shrug and go Wow he was insane FUCK YOU i harrehouso mcuh kmfcunfi widfuckbuou i loceuou im sorry ill stillbe here if you come back and ill be nice i wont be bad and ill make sure ill shut the fuck up nect timyiu throw me under a bus bc of a fuckinf PEDOPHILE THAT WE BOTH HATED??? idkim sorry i hate this i hate beinf a oerson i need to blow my brains out or od then what? then what huh??? FUCK YOU

[knightlyrogue]

i miss you haru i miss you so much i want you back so bad ill do anything ill be aything

[knightlyrogue]

i tried oding years ago but it never worked why am i still here

[knightlyrogue]

fuck you val fuck you sol rot in hell i fuckinf hate this i hate this so much i wish haru would come back

[knightlyrogue]

pressure wont go away scar tissue fucked me up the pus wont come out

[knightlyrogue]

want to break my hands i want to snap em i want to crunch them so bad j want ti get into a fight and break my knuckles bc i punched wrong but i am a musician. i know i shouldnt but it calls to me SO hard

[knightlyrogue]

god i want to rake a shit ton of pills again

[knightlyrogue]

probablu a bad idea to go on a walk at 1 am but i dont know what else to do

[knightlyrogue]

but i believe that lovers should be tied together

thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather

left there to drown

left there to drown in their innocence