#but recently i've been sick like
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for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of
also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut
the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)
#hs#homestuck#dirk strider#eye strain#probably? if you think i should tag something else let me know!!#anyway hooray its time for rambling in the tags#so uhhh heres the teæ i've been sick for like a week and you know how it is when suddenly your throat becomes the main gunk warehouse#and you can't breathe lol. wish i could just pull it out. anywaaayy this is basically a vent piece for me being sick lol#also i could draw remotively the same thing with kris deltarune. oh how easy it is to project having a cold#though i have been also experiencing troubles with feelings recently as well....how fitting for dirk#speaking of the man himself (enough of me) his relationship with his own Heart...is peculiar to say the least#the thing i love about alphakids is that despite being so feral they were. so relatable. i cannot stress this enough how unwell they are an#and how they represented being a teen so well. yeah being 15 years old makes that to you#imagine being an emotional mess and trying to fit the 'norm' and act normal about your friends so youre not offputting#and then you fall in love with you friend and your ai clone falls in love with him too looool noone makes out of this one alive#uhh literally. godtiering stuff and dying remember#and speaking of it. tw for suicidal talk for the rest of tags#do you ever think dirk was suicidal. of course the part of when he teleports his head to jake was totally planned and he knew he would ->#wake up as dreamself but. don't you think the moment he cut his head off was sort of. cathartic. how much did he hate his own guts#beheading himself not only for the plan...but also because he thought he 'deserved' it#also wow he is a Prince and was literally beheaded don't you think its funny hahaa#sigh poor thing#this has ended on a not the very pleasant note hm#also fckkkkkk i didn't draw anything with rose/mary for the lesbian visabilty week#(putting the slash because tumblr search system has a dumb gag with showing you posts that contain the tag inside the other tag.#and i don't want this post to show up for the ros/mary fans because it's not!!!! its rose's father emotional crisis post!!!!)#update YOOOO WHAT THE HELL THE GIF HAS EVEN LESS PIXELS THEN I PLANNED fantastic#this your breakfast now tumblr. enjoy your crunchy flakes of dirks meltdown. mwah
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VARGASTOBER - day 28 : fantasy
#vargas#edgar vargas#vargas zarla#scriabin#scriabin vargas#vargastober#zarla s#vargastober2024#vargastober 2024#sunny's art#late but this time i do have an actual excuse#GUESS WHO GOT SICK AGAIN .#if i had a dollar for every time i got sick on a vargastober . i'd have two dollars#and there have only been two vargastobers . i swear !!!!#i'm feeling way better now . aside from some considerably intense stomach pain .#. i will choose not to worry about it for now !#my everything hurts . i've had some weird days recently .#but well . i still have two pieces in mind .#i'll probably upload one of them after october is over but hey not like i can do anything else#i'll probably write an entry for this one !#i don't know if i should start the next piece or get the entry done . ugh#this next one could be pretty good if i get it right#bye i need to take a shower
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#apparently i have a type of favorite character#which i've realized as i slowly become obsessed with Felix Kranken and Henry Emily again recently#anywho- October will be a fun month for Belos memes and the likes i reckon#alas... ive been sick so thats why i died for the past week#felix kranken#gruncle stan#philip wittebane#henry emily
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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#sick to my stomach#like I said#whatever you think of his performance#the way williams handled everything was just so messy#e.g. not announcing/acknowledging him leaving first BOTH TIMES bar like a single line in the article when carlos was announced#the way alex didn't even know abt the recent news until the day they announced it speaks volumes alr#or james acting as tho logan ever had a fighting chance waxing poetic to the media abt how he needs to improve#and then doing shit like giving his car to alex#and courting other drivers rather publicly#imagine how mentally crazy it must have been#not gonna go on here cuz I've alr ranted before but yeah these r just some instances#logan sargeant#Ik F1 is cut-throat but the way williams handled this was so bad#williams racing#monza gp 2024
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do NOT rewatch world domination arc. worst mistake of my life!! <- in emotional shambles
I was just skimming some of it (<- manga) over again like two hours ago. Which I’ve just been doing so much of lately that’s it’s like. GRIPS MY HAIR !!!!!!!!! And whats funny is that when I First got into mp100 I didn’t even like it that much. now look at me
#i love terus moments in world domination... having the second or third worst day ever#despite there being Grown Adults (ex scars...) there he still takes a leadership role. and he got SICK !!!!!!!!!#and its like. man.#and actually skimming through the teru arc and toichiro's parts of world domination arc on the same day. DAMAGING#theyre sooo direct parallels. terrible for all sorts of reasons !!!!!!!!#anyway. toichiro's awful relationship with his own humanity i think about frequently#shou is like 'you're a terrible person' and toichiro is like 'yes! now you're getting it!' okay LOSER!!!!!!#another arc i've been spinning around in my head is LOL arc. cuz ive reread it properly really recently. underappreciated to be honest...#mp100#asks#dgheh
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HONAKI PART 2 CHAPTER 3 SPOILERS
I hate gay people I hate gay people so much.
#it's. not. even. /j anymore.#for most of Part 2 I've kinda just been coasting because#(like a lot of recent HI3 story it seems) some of the details leave me a little lost#and so I wasn't particularly invested until after the dream ended#and AFTER THE DREAM I was more-so '???? What the fuck is going on??????'-invested than anything else#but THIS struck me with a force comparable to that of a supernova blast 'cause I just WASN'T EXPECTING IT#OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGH#the central idea of:#“What right do YOU have to choose to live if your death is the only key to saving an entire world?”#ooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuughhhh and for Songque to be so ensnared in the mindset that she can't change it#THAT SHE DOESN'T HAVE A RIGHT!!! TO WANT ! IT TO CHANGE#oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhh I'm gonna be sick#I hate gay people#I hate HOYOVERSE gays#Thelema Nutriscu I know what you are#Thelema Honkai Impact 3rd I will pummel you into the ground#blazingshitpost#blazingshitpost honkai edition#Honkai Impact 3rd#Honkai Impact 3rd Part 2#HI3#HI3 Part 2#HI3 Part 2 Chapter 3
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lil extras for the free day
#witch hat tag#orufrey#orufreyweek2023#gotta put these silly things here now 🤦♂️ cause the remaining prompt to catch up is not a happy one so it should go somewhere else..#didnt end up doing anything that pushed my limits after all..but that's ok. since i've felt pretty depressed lately this week was my treat#i def feel like i get less likes & RTs overall on twt recently even tho my followers increase. are ppl sick of my stuff ?? :')#but i myself feel pretty ok about my art atm...so i guess it's fine. my fics have never gotten the hits/kudos i've ever hoped for#so i've accepted that this is how it is for me. i see LOTS of ppl stress about that kinda stuff and i don't wanna be like that..#i'll just keep on keeping on. creating has been pretty satisfying lately when im NOT depressed abt other stuff#and i do get fulfilling comments <3
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The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah
#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now)#anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back#and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck#she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me#BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad#i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa#anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since#the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?#in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem#they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt#recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times#and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so#what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything.#anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was-#”well it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to people”#and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group-#-and they never informed me so. thank you?#and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw#and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation.#she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason#ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care-#-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends#so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much#rant#vent#?#woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all#I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now
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@sucker-for--anything-acoustic tagged me for five songs I've been listening to lately!! Thank you for the tag <33
Feel free to join in if you see this!
@juliens-bakery @broke-bruce-wayne @tradedsymmetry @flashlight-smallknife @ogbulesky @dysphoria-things @mackie-ds
#Bandcamp#audio#music#can't swim#four year strong#spanish love songs#the wonder years#tag game#can you tell I've been listening to can't swim on repeat recently#also I'm sure ppl are sick of me going on abt the wonder years at this point#but doors has been destroying me emotionally for like the past two weeks so you get to listen to it again with me#just. cmon. look me in the eye and tell me that screamed 'I DON'T WANNA DIE... OR MAYBE I DO' near the end doesn't fuck you up#anyway yes thank you sm for the tag i really enjoyed this#and for folks still reading this feel free to tag me in future music related stuff#okey bye#mine#SoundCloud
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........creachure
#cats#his eyes are always so big and weird he no longer looks like a cat anymore sometimes.. in a way...#it's hard to understand.. complicated vibes on this boy#his summer sprawl (laying flopped out on the floor weird because of the heat)#I AM still trying to get some costumes done and also post another poll advtnure so I can finally finish it lol#the weather this month has just been soooo.... There was the heat wave and then after like 2 days of coolenss where I was like 'ah! finally#I can be productiv!' but just as soon as I had recovered from the heat.. it got hot again ghhhh#currently sweating inside. I actually had to leave my doctors appointment early today because I was just so so warm from#sitting in the car and the fac tthat half the buildings still do not have their air up very high and etc. and I felt so nausous#and flushed and started to get back and stomach pains for some reason.. Which I guess is good in a way to further confirm to doctors that#I Have Something Wrong With Me lol (most normal people should not be this heat sensitive I think) but is also still a little stinky#because I still payed a copay for the fulla appointment time but cit it short by leaving 15minues early.. grrr#ANYWAY. It seems like recently it's just hot all the time but it will ocasionally tempt you with a cool day of reprieve BUT don't let your#guard down! because as soon as you start to think 'hey things are getting better! :0' the sun will be like NO actualy. scalding temperature#be upon ye..#Which of COURSE. I would rather have hot weather with little breaks in between than just constant hot weather. 100% definitely.#but it just always makes me sad because I get my hopes up lol.. JUST as I've recovered from the past heat and am So Ready To Start#On All My Things now That I'm Not As Sick And Hey Maybe It's Even Cool Enough To Do A Costume! .. my hopes are dashed#.. woe and so on and so forth. . Which I am stil managing to get a few things done but just.. not the things I really WANT to do (costumes.#sculptures. edit videos. etc. ).#anyway.. look at son.. If nothing else I still have lots of cat photos.. my sole productivity offerings to the internet online world
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in one week it will officially be one year since I finished a fic edited it & posted it hahaha 😵💫😖😞😑
#and like. it kills me that. I had this whole fckn idea for a 5+1 recently for one of my north star ships#and I got the notes all done and had the ideas and even dialogue snippets and could see the scenes#but I just. could never make myself get farther than the notes. ever. I couldn't ever get to actually writing it. at all. ever.#and now I've been sick & bedridden for a literal week and I still haven't done ANYTHING with it#before I would have worked on it! I would have worked non stop! I literally cannot be out of bed for longer than 15 minutes#I would have written another 10 chapter idiots to lovers with a whole intricate plot to weave a romance around#that no one asked for#but now#nothing.#to be fair to myself tho I have been so sick I couldn't even activate my new giga pet#I had to quit playing sims cause I got so sick I couldn't go to my desk. the show I was looking forward to debuted and I can't watch it#cause I'm just fuckin dead. wanted to get the new t0mb raider re-release but I'm so sick I couldn't play it#but it's killing me that I can't make myself write. it is like. why won't you do this? you LIKE this? this was once ur fave hobby!#and I'm just also very tired of being confined to bed for a week and I'm going a little nutty can you tell???#erin explains it all
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If you've never heard an LRAD go off in person, I *genuinely* do not want to hear your opinion about methods of resistance in the US.
#i'm so fucking sick#wifey and i are pretty sure we got COVID so we've been isolating and trying to stay well#this is now at least my 2nd infection though#and you can tell too#wifey has been having trouble keeping me fed and hydrated and CONSCIOUS because I'm so tired I can barely function#this is despite sleeping for 12 hrs a day the past two days#and being fully medicated (or as fully medicated as I can be)#and on top of that my hypotension has been acting up severely since getting sick and I can barely walk 10ft b4 losing consciousness#i've haven't started throwing up my food and water yet but I've come pretty close especially early in the morning#anyway the point is that I am like. visibly being hit with an autoimmune aggravator not just a normal cold#and unfortunately#I'm taking it harder this time than the last#wifey is doing okay and mostly experienced it as a headcold with severe fatigue#she's pretty much better now a week or so out from starting to show symptoms#we....don't like when she gets hit that hard tho because it usually means I'm about to get bodied#pattern is holding so far regrettably lmao#anyway#my point is that I'm sick and angry and grieving and I really want to hit something or set it on fire#but i can't because i can barely move or even stay awake#and this is literally all my personal hell#as a result i am finding that I have a uhhhhhhhhhh unreasonably low threshhold for irritation recently
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wahoo besties it's been a rough week but i got a cat today AND the dodgers won the NLDS and move on to the NLCS! great end to the week!
#rachel speaks#i called out sick twice this week bc i haven't been sleeping well at all#and even now i've been yawning like non stop#and it's not even 11 and i didn't get up until 10#plus a bunch of low blood sugars#so my body is exhausted#and the dodgers kept losing when i was watching so that was disappointing#but they came back! and they won!#and i got a cat!#a goal of mine for the past three years!#so life is better now#and i have a three day weekend bc of indigineous people's day#although i do have girl scout work tomorrow#but that'll be fine#also that's why i haven't been on here much i've just been so exhausted and working 12+ hour days recently and i just haven't#had the energy to scroll and look at things
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I only slept, like, 4 hrs? And even that was a struggle. Ahhh! I think the surgery gave me a normal sleep pattern, so maybe I'm not allowed to nap anymore? I'll force myself to stay up today until 9pm then...
#nimo's sheeko sheeko time#jrjrkrk its sick bc when I tell you I could sleep twice a day AND STILL SLEEP IN THE NIGHT!!!#but also I can also just be going through a Phase bc I have sleep issues#admittedly tho I havent been as tired as I usually am through the day tho...#like I've taken naps recently partly bc I didnt sleep on time so#oh and I was sick!#actually on that note I've not felt as bad since the surgery too lol#alhamdulilah!!!
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put my adult pants on and ate fish because it's healthy even if it sends my brain into a panic for the taste and texture, took iron and vitamin supplements, drank a whole liter of water, and took my meds. can i get a round of applause please.
#i've been. mm. neglecting my mortal vessel.#because of a change in brain chemistry (i notice it. not necessarily enjoy it. but... improvements have been made) +#the fact that i am generally exhausted#so. like. you know. that leads to self neglect.#no more of that. need to eat foods i hate if they're healthy. need to be good and take supplements and meds. need to take care of this body#my most recent blood tests (2 weeks ago) are genuinely concerning#my body is literally unable to absorbe the right stuff. the bastard. no wonder i feel sick all the time. like. weak and dying.
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