#but one way to get good at drawing something is to get a crazy fixation on something and there ya go

[monotone-artist]

[id in alt]

ive been um. drawing a little bit

about the silver-calling-shadow-grandpa thing: lil headcanon of mine that shadow and silver are related :] not by blood but because of funky gene experimentation someone or other did. basically,, idk they copied shadow's hedgehog genes and over time they got descended into silver 👍👍

bonus under read-more

hah reference

[almadelsur]

💋 The Secrets One Keeps

summary: You're in love with jj but he's with kie, so in moments of pure desperation you often find yourself turning to the person he hates the most...rafe

warnings: some good old angsty pining, very very slight smut if you squint, fem!reader, one or two uses of y/n, plz let me know if I missed anything

a/n: SHE'S BACKKKK, so I've decided to completely reformat and re-post this fic with a few tweaks and editing considering i first wrote this like 3 years ago, and yes for those of you who have been asking, I fully intend to finallly continue this fic....more info on that later ;)

.��。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・

JJ’s eyes change the moment Kiara steps into any room. Immediately his presence is ripped away from your immediate atmosphere, popping the little bubble you'd spent all afternoon crafting as he sprung up to greet the olive-skinned enigma that captured his affections.

“Kie!” The joy in his tone was incomparable to anything he’d directed at anybody else. Nothing could draw out such happiness from the blonde. You hated that about her.

In an attempt at self-defense, your brain shut itself off. Shielding you from processing the scene in front of you, your emotions ran cold like cement pouring down and across your neurons. It was the only way you could survive such a beating to your heart.

You figured that by distancing yourself mentally, you wouldn’t have to raise suspicion and distance yourself physically. In reality, you knew the real reasoning was your inability to stay away from JJ but the facade helped you cope.

“Hey J” she embraced him and his body relaxed around her as if she was the only source of his happiness. The only way he’d find alleviation from what he perceived as a shitty life being through her. “Sorry I’m late my parents had me running like crazy at the wreck today.”

Scattered greetings filled the air from the rest of the pogues, yet you could only focus on the way his eyes fixated on her like she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“Here come sit baby” he offered her the seat he had just previously been place holding. What you thought had been quality time with your best friend, presented itself to you now as momentary attention to pass the time until his actual desire arrived.

Settling herself down and offering you a wide smile, her shoulder bumped against yours gently as a sign of acknowledgment.

“Hey dude” she directed at you, but you didn’t reply. You just couldn’t bring yourself to pretend. Not today anyway. Instead, you offered her a small smile, it was minimal but it was the best you could do under the circumstances.

“Yo" A crumpled tissue paper flew at your head, jj attempting to refocus your attention on him, "didn’t you say you were gonna get some water or something?” He spoke up, the scheme evident in his tone.

“um yeah I guess” You lifted yourself up and took a few steps before jj used the opportunity to slump himself down where you had been sat and sprawled his arms across his girlfriend’s shoulders.

“snooze ya loose sucker” he joked as he turned to Kiara to start up some mindless conversation. Leaving you behind in the dust.

Your teeth gritted as you focused on making your way to the kitchen hoping the distance from the scene unfolding would lift the iron grip on your heart.

You made the fatal mistake of glancing back and you were met with the image of jj nuzzling up to kiara in a picturesque display of love. The lump building at the base of your throat indicated that it was your time to get the hell out of there before you broke down in front of everyone. 

“Shit guys, y’know what I just realized I gotta go” You spoke quickly, your tone matching your pace as you rushed to the exit of the chateau. 

“You’re still coming to the party later though right?” John B asked, not tearing his eyes away from the screen in front of him. 

“Mhm yeah sure” you opened the door ready to depart. 

“Shit I forgot about that! Me and jj are gonna be late, we got dinner at the wreck tonight.” kiara added as you stepped out, unable to control the escape of a rogue tear.

“Date night babyyyy” You heard JJ cheer before you slammed the door behind you. 

“Is Y/N okay? She seemed a bit off.” Kie nudged JJ as she questioned. 

JJ furrowed his eyebrows momentarily. Glancing out the window, he saw you jog away from the house, and a brief flash of worry flashed through his mind. As quick as it came, it dissipated. He shook his head figuring that if there had been something wrong, he’d have been the first to know. 

“Nah she’s okay don't worry.” he offered to kie.

Boy was he mistaken. 

——————————————————————

“Fuuuck me” you moaned out, sinking into him one last time. You were hot, sweaty, and heaving as you pulled him out of you.

“I thought I just did” Rafe taunted leaning back to lie down, arms crossed behind his head causing his taut abdomen to flex.

You scrambled off the bed, picking up your garments and shoving them back on your body forcefully.

“What, no pillow talk?” He tried again.

“Rafe..” you trailed off. Whenever you’d finish fucking, you’d struggle to even look at him. The self-hatred flooded your body as soon as the orgasm poured out.

“Hey you called me” he eyed you intently but you knew he didn’t actually care. To rafe cameron everything was just a game. At this point it was pretty much common knowledge. “In fact” he moved closer to you so that he could speak directly into your ear “It’s always you that calls me.”

“Don’t be a dick” you stood up and eyed your heels contemplating whether you could face the walk back in them. “You know it makes me feel like shit.” It might have sounded brutal but that’s how things were with rafe.

“Yeah, it’s like you punctuate your orgasms with self-hate.”

“I'm a pogue, rafe.” You argued back as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“So? Kooks and pogues can fuck you know.” You couldn’t comprehend why you were even having this conversation. Why now, why tonight.

“Yeah maybe, not you though.” You didn’t want to tell him the reason explicitly.

“I fuck pogues.”

“You fuck anyone.” The words came out almost instantly and without thinking, yet rafe took no offense.

“Exactly so what’s the issue?”

“The issue is, rafe.” You paused trying to find the words without actually having to say the words. “The issue is that if my friends found out they’d hate me, probably more than I already hate myself.”

He just chuckled, the look in his eyes changing as he figured you out.

“What's funny?” You challenged.

“You don’t have to bullshit me princess.” He looked up at you with a devilish glint in his eye. “You just don’t want jj knowing about your little escapades huh?” Bingo.

“He’s with Kiara.” You shrugged him off.

“Uh huh, you like him but you can’t have him.” Every word he spoke striking a nerve deep within you. “So you’re fucking me to fuck him over.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” You grabbed your heels and shoved them on, wincing as you buckled them up.

“Don’t I?” He threw his joggers on lazily as he stood, the level dynamics changing significantly. The older boy towered over you. “Where are they tonight?”

“Back at John B’s, we had a little get-together.” You crossed your arms. More often than not you usually called rafe after a few drinks left you feeling lonely. “Sorry, your invite must have gotten lost in the mail.” You attempted to jab at him with sarcasm yet he clearly held the upper hand with his line of questioning. 

“So all of them are there now?” He stepped towards you.

“Mhm,” You lied.

“Even jj?” Moving closer until your neck was craned upwards to meet his eyes.

Taking your silence as an answer, he reached up and ran his palms across your upper arms, prompting you to uncross them.

“He was uh- him and kie should be getting there soon” You mumbled.

“So would i be wrong in guessing, that might have prompted your call then?” You let yourself be guided by his movements leaning your neck further back as his hand trailed up to your jawbone.

“rafe…” you called out insignificantly.

He leaned in and pressed his lips against your neck, right over where he could feel your pulse, and pressed down.

You couldn’t help the gasp that left your mouth. Because as much as your heart belonged to jj, rafe was just so fucking good at raising your temperature.

“Round two?” He mumbled against your neck.

“Yeah..” you attempted yet it came out as a whisper. He grabbed you swiftly and lifted you, moving you across the room and throwing you down onto his bed, crawling on top of you in a predatory manner as he did so. As your back hit the bed, the ringing of your phone brought you back from the haze he had you under. 

“Wait rafe stop stop” you pushed him off and grabbed the screeching mobile, pressing it up to your ear. “Hello?”

“Dude, where are you?” The sound of jj’s voice came through over the pumping sound of music and party chatter. “Me and Kie just got back and John B says no one’s seen you for like over an hour.”

“Oh I’m uh, I had to go do something for my mom” The lie pouring out of your mouth caused rafe to chuckle which was of course met by a slap from you signaling for him to be quiet.

“Oh well, when are you getting back? I have to tell you about this date. You’re gonna be so proud of me I actually think I’m ready to tell Kie I love her” you screwed your eyes shut as he spoke.

“Yeah I- you know what I can’t make it back my mom needs me to stay and help out but uh I’ll see you tomorrow or something.” You hung up before he could even reply, throwing your phone down uncaring of its state.

“What’s wrong? They getting hitched?” Rafe spoke up from behind you.

You turned to Rafe, the fire in your veins pushing your arms to grab him, roughly pulling him back onto you.

“Just shut up and fuck me rafe.”

And fuck you he did.

——————————————————————

The next morning you woke up to the sight of rafe’s bare back. Not much of a cuddler, you figured.

Quietly you pushed the covers off and began to dress yourself back up. As you got to your shoes you sighed and shook your head, as if there was any way in hell you were going to walk home in heels. You scooped up your shoes and your now-cracked phone shaking your head, slightly ashamed at your outburst.

Without even a second glance at the sleeping body you were leaving behind, you made your way over to the door. As you turned the knob and stepped out to leave, a husky voice spoke up.

“I’ll keep my ringer on for you babe.”

You rolled your eyes looking back at him, “Fuck you rafe.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m counting on.” He didn’t even open his eyes as he answered, instead just rustling around in the bed and turning to the other side, once again facing his back to you.

You scoffed as you exited. Your internal rant clouded your vision, body on autopilot with an excellent self-navigation of the Cameron house from the countless times you’d made this exit.

“Y/N?” The gentle voice wiped your thoughts clean as the shock stilled you dead in your tracks, slowly turning to come face to face with none other than Sarah.

“Sarah” you drawled out. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s my house?” Her head was cocked to the side, equally shocked to see you.

“No I just mean- I thought you were spending the night at John B’s.” You forced the small talk, avoiding the topic of why you were here, sneaking out at 8 in the morning.

“He had to work today, did you spend the night here?” She glanced up at the door of rafe’s bedroom.

“Umm-“ There had only been two other instances where you had been at a complete loss for words. The day jj told you he and Kiara were dating, the morning after your first sexual encounter with rafe, and now this.

“Are you sleeping with my brother?!” She whisper-shouted, eyes wide as the realization hit her. Busted.

“No?”

“Oh my god!” She grabbed you by the wrist and dragged you to her room, slamming the door as soon as you were both inside. “How long has this been going on?!” Her tone was loud and her hands wild as she interrogated you.

“Just a little under a year.” You sat on her bed and looked at your lap as you spoke. Reminiscent of a child being scolded.

“A year?! Oh my god!” She repeated. “Who knows about this?!”

With that, you looked up at her desperately. “No one. No one knows so please don’t tell them.” You didn’t have to name names for her to know who you were referring to.

“Are you two like” she paused “together?” She scrunched her nose up, disgusted at the thought of her bully of an older brother dating anyone.

“No god no. It’s just sex” you were just as uncomfortable as Sarah was, having to tell her about boning her older brother.

“Disgusting.” She turned away from you with her arms crossed, looking out the window.

“Look I’m not proud of it okay? Just-“ You sighed “Just please don’t tell anyone” pleading again.

Sarah let out a long sigh and uncrossed her arms. She walked over to you and joined you on the bed, her eyes showing concern mixed with something you couldn’t quite place your finger on.

“I thought you were into jj” she spoke softly, there it was. Pity.

“Yeah well, jj is with kie and instead of sitting around wallowing in self-pity, I decided to do something about it.” As the words left your mouth, you realized how weak the explanation was.

“So you just use rafe to bang the jj out of you.”

“It’s not like Rafe cares, if anything he’s also using me.” You tried to reason.

“I don’t doubt that. But I mean, that’s- It’s not healthy, you’ll never move on if you don’t actually process your emotio-“

“Look Sarah, I don’t need to do any of that shit okay? What I have here works, when I fu- when I’m with rafe, I don’t think about jj.” Tears began to swell in your eyes “Sleeping with rafe helps me forget about everything, even if it’s only for a little while he uh- he makes me feel good.” To an extent, there was truth behind your words, while you and rafe fucked the rest of the world went away. It was only after, that the crippling self-hatred hit you along with the return of your immense feelings for jj. 

Sarah shuffled over and threw her arm around you. “That’s not good for you, it’s just momentary. It’s easy and it's a cycle, you’re never going to get better going down this path. Especially not with rafe.”

“Rafe he’s- he’s not that bad.”

“Yes he is. But i bet it gives you satisfaction fucking him knowing jj hates him. Feels like revenge right?” She’d always been so perceptive your Sarah, you hated how she could see right through you.

Tears ran down your cheek silently. “You’re not gonna tell anyone right?” You sniffled.

She gave you one of those classic salt-of-the-earth Sarah Cameron smiles, the kinda smile that would light up any room she walked into. “Takin' it to the grave babe.”

A loud beeping caused both your heads to whip towards the window. “Shit, I completely forgot I was supposed to go on the HMS with pope and jj, we were gonna chill there until John B and Kie finished work.” She rose to her feet and extended an arm towards you. “Wanna come? Or we could drop you home if you’re not up for it.”

With a sigh you took her hand and pulled yourself up, walking beside her as you mentally prepped yourself to face the blonde you desperately pined for.

“Well rise and shine campers.” jj yelled out of the window of the drivers seat.

“Y/N! Where you been dude? you totally bailed last night.” Pope was next to speak as you and Sarah filed into the Twinkie. As JJ began to drive you avoided any form of eye contact in his general direction.

“I had to go help my mom out, blackout at mine again.” You didn’t even look at pope either, instead focusing your attention on the blur of trees and houses pacing by the window as JJ sped down the winding roads.

“Isn’t that what you were wearing last night?” pope, observant as always, pointed out.

“Uh yeah, I didn’t really get any time to change cause…”

“I called her last night when I got home, I was so drunk I don’t think I was ready to stop the party.” Sarah covered for you.

“Yeah I wrapped up helping my mom out and then this one calls me talkin bout a sleepover or something so I didn’t exactly have much time to change.” 

Thankfully pope had lost interest as soon as he had asked the question, otherwise, your overcompensating ass would have been caught out straight away. You always had to add to the lie until you felt like you had sold it completely.

Keeping your eyes trained on the outside meant that jj’s frown directed at you through the windscreen mirror went completely undetected. He always knew whenever there was something up with you and right there and then he knew something definitely was.

“Hey, you okay?” He didn’t need to address you explicitly for you to know he was talking to you.

“Yeah just tired.” You shrugged him off in an attempt to distance yourself from him yet again.

He knew you were lying but he didn’t understand why, you never lied to each other. Apart from John B, the pair of you were closer to each other than with anybody else in the group. You’d been best friends since kindergarten, and since then you’d sworn 3 things to each other.

1- You’d always share your snacks.

2-You’d always be best friends even if you argued.

 3- You would never ever lie or keep secrets from each other.

Of course, as the both of you grew older the rules became more and more lax. The snack sharing was limited only to when you felt nice enough and sometimes you’d go for days without making up if you had argued particularly badly. Having kept two friendship-breaking secrets from him, the childhood rules seemed pretty insignificant by now.

“Mhm,” he responded, flickering his eyes between you and the road. “Are we taking you home to change first?”

“Yeah, I don’t know if I’ll join you guys afterward though.” You chewed down on your nail anxiously as the tension from being in the same space as jj paired with the guilt from having fucked rafe prior, suffocated you.

JJ made a face as he focused on the road, something was wrong with you and he’d be dammed if he wasn’t going to put his everything into finding out what that was.

[freakywrites]

Play dress up

Kanato Sakamaki x you

Summary- ….kanato dresses you up? (DUH)

Can be read as fem reader, but anyone can wear a dress, so idk go crazy (*´-`)

Warning: UNEDITED - This isn’t really meant to be a romance, but like killing stalking romanticize it as you wish (jk!… it’s…it’s a joke) abuse!! he probably has u held captive - I think that's it?? One curse word???

Art made by me *im proud of it so praise me* (jk bit I did draw it like 5 in the morning so leave it be)

------------

Your stomach churns as you try to still your already fast beating heart and suppress the shaking fear you felt.

Sitting on a purple velvet chair you watched nervously as the violet haired creep delicately painted your nails, a sapphire blue. His big and dull eyes fixated on your hand that rested in his deadly pale ones, God forbid you even whimper when he makes a mistake and scratches rather harshly at your fingers.

“Doesn’t this color look good on them, Teddy?” Kanato spoke to the bear on your lap. “ I think so...” He mumbles to himself before blowing on the wet polish. “there you go! my doll looks too pretty~” he praised, and you could shiver at his nickname for you a reminder that you are nothing more than a toy to him. You're a living breathing doll he can treat however he likes with no pity or remorse.

The slim man grabbed your beaten up calf. You nearly yelped as he pressed gently at the fresh blue bruise and cuts, maybe testing for a reaction just so he has an excuse to get violent, but it's not like he needed one. Putting your foot so gently on his knee, he finally looked up at you, his eyes sending a cold wave over your body, his smile exposing those white fangs of his that hurt just by looking at them. “See? You look lovely in blue.” He spoke with such glee, almost taunting and playing with you, for he knows if you try to even push him away, he can force you back into submission.

“Why aren’t you saying anything? Do you hate it?” His mood shifted and his smile dropped to a snarl nails digging at your skin. Opening your dry mouth, you spoke. “I like it.” A simple sentence sending him back to his toothy grin. “I’m glad because I like it too!” He gleefully spoke, loosening his grip on you.

He painted your toe nails next, and you hear the alarms in your head ring. A few days ago he was shaving your legs pressing a little to tightly he sliced your skin and as a reaction to the pain you yelped and kicked away only for him to grab you in anger yelling insults and cut at your skin till you where covered in red dripping beads of blood that he will lick at. But today, he had no weapons with him other than his teeth and hands

Before you knew it, he was done with his little forced manicure and pulled out a dress that was on the side of a table. He turned to you and spoke, "Come here." You reluctantly got up off your seat shifting a bit as you felt your sore muscles and skin ache like your whole body was one big bruise and with every step was a throbbing pain sent from your feet to your head.

"Do you know what kind of dress this is?" He spoke as be pressed it to your body. You would roll your eyes and sigh if that action wouldn't lead him to poke your eyes out with a needle or something. You spoke "u-um blue?" What an idiotic answer for an idiotic question. "Wrong! It's a dress modeled after the ones of the 1870s." He said, leaning into your face his tired eyes looking to your nervous ones. "I got it costumly made for you, so it'll fit you perfectly." You stare back at him and gulp down any of your insults.

You were finally dressed corset on not so tightly and flat velvet shoes on because he knows your feet hurt? For a guy that beats the shit out of you often, he has a weird way to care for you. While you stare in the full body mirror, you were surprised the dress was very beautiful and detailed black lace on the edges of the short sleeve and a v-neck that exposes your neck and colorbones probably for easy access but to top it of Kanato places a tear drop amethyst necklace with a chain of your preferred type of metal. How did he know that was your favorite?You hold the jewel in your hand, running your finger on the chain.

"Do you like it?" He said as he hugged at his teddy. And you nodded, tilting your head as you admire yourself before you spoke.

"...yes its...beautiful."

------------

A/N: ah yess diabolik lovers one of my first animas next to black butler.... yeah now I know why I had fucked up morales at the age of like 12.

Also got into it again cuz I reacently started watching itMustBeK8 and they watched like diabolik like a 2 years ago- BUT IM NOT OVER MY FUCKED UP VAMP DUDES IDC. AND go watch them they are one of the reasons im going through the week 🙄

Anyways love yall XOXO 💋

[wrenkenstein]

OC creation musings + Juno retrospective

I was rewatching this video by Rea, and it struck me that this exact phenomenon happened to me in 2022, with the first inklings of Juno's design - back when I couldn't decide on whether or not her name would be "Juno" or "Kite", and desperately trying not to make her a scientist. She's obviously come such a long way since then, having now become a very well-known character in the fandom, but I often think of the fact that had she not become on of my artistic passions, I probably wouldn't be anywhere near where I am today.

Juno is absolutely everything to me. She is a representative of my passion for storytelling, and she connected me with so many of my now closest friends - one of which is currently living in my house! How crazy is that, man! All of which I can attribute to simply becoming so fixated on my own OC that I couldn't stop thinking about her, or drawing her.

Of course, that's come with some highs and lows. She's getting a professionally done cosplay, a 3D model and potentially a Battlefront mod - but she also has her own dedicated group of haters who think she represents the 'wrongs' of fandom, lol. I certainly have recieved my fair share of 'Juno hate' in my 3-4 years here, but the positivity and support make it well worth dealing with a few rotten apples. It's radiant and outpouring, like a warm ray of sun, and it keeps me going deep into the night.

Anyways. Total tangent. Want to see all her design iterations? Yea you do ;) Here's the first ever Juno ref!

I made this on my phone in 2022, at the tale end of watching TCW and back when TBB was just one season. You can definitely see that the idea was always there, just a bit disjointed in its application. That gas mask on her helmet ended up causing a lot of confusion, so I removed it in later iterations - but to this day, I think this one picture is what really captivated me. Something about the aura, man,, she scary lookin

Then, of course, I had to draw what her face would look like - if it hadn't been for a RP, I don't think I would have.

Woah - she's like a whole different person! And you can see the beginnings of her white hair streak, though back then, I wanted i to be really subtle. And I was soooo adamant about this lol. She also was almost beat for beat Ellen Ripley, and you can see me paint over a picture of Sigourney below with her OG faceclaim haha.

Then we have the Juno-ing... part two. Where I went darker!! Both in themes, and in her color scheme. This one still has so much personality, and I remember being obsessed with how I drew her eyes and face back then. Nowadays, I think it's hideous. xD This was also around the time I was phasing out her gauntlets and oxygen mask, but both still remained for practicality purposes, even if they didn't serve anything to the design. Oh, and the hair streak. Now it's a Thing :tm: but it isn't really flowing well with the design - not yet, anyways!

We finally get to a point where I, begrudingly, accept the fact that her white streak is going to be her facial focal point - and at this point I'm laughing about how much I tried to avoid it LOL. But here, we also see her get more and more refined. Her face is still a bit wonky, but the stern vibe and posture are starting to come together and tell more of a concrete story, even if the reference doesn't have as much color or personality as the last one. I also did this one for my senior year of college!

I even designed her some totally BS civvies - and I gave her a s2 paint job, which admittedly looks hideous LMAOOO but we ball regardless. The second design was scrapped anyways almost immediately. The civvies stayed!

And then, of course, THE FINALE! Her face went through so many iterations with her current ref, but thus far, it's been the longest standing and most accurate one. It atually started out just as me goofing off with a marker pen in CSP, that quickly changed to "hey... this could be something good." And I was right! This is the Juno that's currently circulating today, and I've been polishing and refining her as I go, since I still feel as though I could perfect things.

And then, of course, her various outfits, which I posted about a while back. Oh - and have you seen Baby Juno?

Well now you have. :)

I think it's so cool to see how someone can fixate on a character and pour so much love and thought into them, that this character becomes their entire brand. Juno inhabits every part of my brain space and is what I think about 24/7. I'm so proud of how far she comes, and she reminds me about how incredible fandom can be and continues to be! Something about her is just so intoxicating to me. I can't get enough of her, and I can't wait to keep developing her over the years to come.

Which then begs the question - what is your equivalent to this entire thread? Do you have an OC like Juno, who you're fixated on and who dominates your creative pursuits? Do they have multiple artistic iterations? Because if you do, share them!! I WANNA SEEEEEE.

Anyways, that's Wren's Ramblings for today ~ I got bored haha

SHARE YOUR OCS!!!! >:0

[mmmorgannn2]

I lost the post I am SO sorry but I read this one theory of Painter's creator being Sebastian's little brother and I have NOT been thinking about it non-stop since I read it!!! /s

[Edit: the guy w the og theory is @thatflowerthemeddragon ]

[For the following yap I'll refer to Sebastian's brother as Fran, HC I share with my moot]

Fran grew up as a neurodivergent kid, spending most of his time drawing by himself, anywhere he went. He had no friends at school, even though he really wanted to. He bonded with his older siblings and mom through his drawings and the stories he came up with through them.

He'd get bullied at school and other activities his mom would sign him into. When his sister and mom were busy, Sebastian would go pick him up and try cheering him up; buy food on the way back, let him choose the songs, ask him about his drawings, etc etc

When Sebastian moved to the USA for college, Fran was a little older and understood what it was for, same as his sister and mom, but they still felt the lack of him, even if he was a call away.

Not long after, like a year(?), they all went on a trip to USA to visit him. The same day, Urbanshade came for him and took him away, right in front of them.

His mom and sister would be set on proving Sebastian was innocent during the following years, while Fran closed off to everyone and everything more and more, fixating on his art and, figuring he needed to study something that would really pay well, he went for robotics. He was always a good student, and this was no different;

He moved and, as a side project, took an old family computer into an art partner he always wished for. With time, this AI developed and developed until it was sentient. It did wonders on his mental health to have a friend and, in a sense, a student. He was never good with names, but he thought it'd be funny to name his AI friend P.AI.nter.

Fran had moved out of the city to a little town close to the fields his family used to go to on vacation, so they only needed to look through the window to get a good reference for landscape painting.

Back to the present now, say Sebastian actually escapes through Innovation Inc. and is back to being "human", although still needing prosthetics for his legs and the such, maybe he has Painter in his phone or something, that'd be silly.

But like... Imagine how he'd find out what happened to his brother. He already knew what they had done to Painter's creator, but now it took a completely different meaning knowing the truth.

Did he enter the room, clueless, until suddenly Painter recognized it as his creator's room all happy and jolly?? The look on Sebastian's face when the dots connect in his mind would be crazy.

Fran was a completely different person with Painter than he was with the rest; he turned talkative as how passionate he was for art, and somehow confident, since he would never leave the comfort of his room. And Painter learned from that.

So Painter is, basically, Fran, but not quite. It's the part of Fran barely anyone ever saw when he was living, Fran without the memories. That's why Sebastian acted the way he did with Painter.

How do you grieve when you have the living copy of your dead brother as your friend. Owgbjfjk...

[adelheidsideblog]

hcs for the axis being power bottomed by their fem s/o?

I'm assuming this means the s/o is being dominant, right? If you mean that the axis members are the ones power bottoming you can send an ask for that too! Feliciano:

He goes with the flow when it comes to sex and which role he takes, and would be more than happy to be a service top if that's what you needed!

Very whiny when submissive, and might even beg for you

As previously stated I believe he has a Mommy kink but is willing to play into whatever dynamic his s/o wants

Speaking of a mommy kink, I feel like he probably has a slight lactation kink that comes in full swing when he's being submissive

He's usually very generous with praise, but is even more so when being dominated because he wants to be a good boy

Ludwig:

I also feel like this wouldn't be too hard to convince Ludwig to do: contrary to popular opinion, I don't see Lud as 100% a dom/top and more as a switch. He tends to go with whatever his partner wants because he's a bit of a people pleaser, so if you ask to power bottom he would do it enthusiastically. He might be a little more reluctant to bring it up himself, though.

Ask permission before doing anything as a sub, more than usual at least. Especially before he cums (I feel like he might be into denial/edging a bit)

I feel like in a situation where his partner is power bottoming he might want it to be more on the softer side

With that being said I think he would like to wear a leash and collar while being a service top so that his s/o can pull on it (you'd have to work to get it out of him though)

Has the best puppy dog eyes when he's in subspace too

Kiku:

Kiku is willing to try everything once, but he probably isn't bringing this up on his own. He's more than enthusiastic to do it if his partner asks though!

I've said before that he's a munch, and I feel like when he's submissive he really likes being bossed around a bit and told to do it

Even if you've been having sex with him for years by this point, something about you power bottoming really has him blushing and unable to look you in the eye

I don't think he's a full fledged masochist but a bit of pain definitely encourages him when he's in subspace. Biting, scratching, hair pulling, you name it.

He's really into edging and drawing it out for you. He probably wears a cock ring to help him out too...

Lovino:

He would never in a million years admit to wanting to give up control, and you would have to talk him into it a bit. But once he starts doing it, he really loves it.

I'm not sure if it really counts as topping but loves to spend hours with his head between your legs when he's feeling submissive

When he's submissive he needs lots of praise and affirmations, so definitely a sweeter domme

I also feel like he would have a Mommy kink, and a definite breast fixation. I don't feel like he would want to go too far with it, not without a lot of convincing at least.

Has really strong sub drops, and might even cry even if nothing was "too kinky" so he'll need lots of cuddles after

Gilbert:

I feel like he's also down to try anything once but doesn't really feel the need to be submissive, and doesn't want to bottom. I feel like having his s/o power bottom him might be the best solution.

His type definitely seems to be bossy, which would translate to wanting a bossy/less sweeter domme than the others.

Also likes a bit of pain, especially when subbing. Probably goes crazy for scratches.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think if he was in the right relationship he might be into light degradation. Certainly not every partner he's ever had, but the ones he trusts the most.

I feel like he would be more prone to let his s/o power bottom if they've had a rough day. Almost like they're taking it out on him, in a way?

[tsandoll]

hii bunny!! 🍑 anon here to ramble about riwoo..

because i’ve read some hcs on here about him and usually i default to imagining idols as doms but he seems like a lot of ppl see him as a sub and i think he could maybe be a sub leaning switch but yeah he is probably (in all of our depraved fantasy worlds) a subby boy

and definitely whiney. i think his whines would be so sweet n adorable like his fake little whines when he’s pouting and teasing you or ur teasing him and he doesn’t actually want u to stop but wants to put up a little bit of resistance.. and then his less voluntary whines and whimpers when he gets into the subspace u so easily put him in<333

i think he’d be so cute with an oral fixation, wanting to suck on ur fingers (and ur titsss plsss) omg so like imagine ur just like cuddling and watching a movie with him i could see him like laying his head on ur lap while ur sitting up or laying on you if you’re laying down and you could be playing with his hair or rubbing circles on his lower tummy and u don’t even mean to work him up, ur just cuddling ur sweet boy but he’s getting all flustered and thinking about u and the position you’ve got him in and he takes your hand and asks first cuz he’s very polite like can he suck on your fingers and ur like ofc baby and he’d just do it mindlessly for a bit but then you’re starting to get worked up at the way he just lays there and suckles at ur finger, and so you give him another one and when he so obediently takes it (albeit with the cutest little whine) you can’t stop urself from pushing your fingers a bit deeper into his throat u would never want to hurt him but u loveeee the way he squirms when your fingertips press on the back of his tongue aaahhhh im sorry i can’t tell if this makes any sense or he just super unhinged. uhm.

i was gonna ramble on about riwoo begging to suck on ur breasts and sitting in ur lap and sucking on them while ur watching tv or smth but i feel that might be a bittt much um anyways. sorry if this is too crazy or just dumb. yeah.

NO THIS ISN'T TOO MUCH NOR IS IT DUMB THIS IS REALLY GOOD HUN!!! i love subby riwoo its my favorite way to talk about him because it just makes so much sense to me.

overall he's such a good boy, so obedient and willing to listen to everything that you tell him to do but sometimes he does get super whiny. he talks back just a little at times but its not in an attempt to be bratty, its more him just wanting to have something to say. when you do certain things he'll whine out a very hushed, "so mean :(" or he'll just let out a whine of disapproval to you. he doesn't really mean anything by it but he can't help but let them out. when he gets into his sub space he really doesn't talk much so his whines and whimpers are his way of communicating things!

i like to think that the reason he loves desserts so much is because they taste good of course but also because they keep his mouth occupied with something sweet. he loves the fluffy textures and the creamy insides it makes him so happy. i could def see this scenario, he'd be so so sweet. he'd lay on your lap and as soon as he does his attention would be pulled away from the movie and he'd just play with the hem of your shirt or something like that, just mindlessly twisting it up in his fingers. he lets go with you, allowing himself to be a bit brainless, just letting himself fully be relaxed. he always hums so cutely when you play in his hair, he gives you the prettiest smile. me and thea actually have so many thoughts about riwoo having a sensitive lower belly, its a huge erogenous spot for him so the moment you start drawing circles on his skin he's getting all needy and hard.

you'd be so used to him needing your fingers in his mouth by this point that when he grabs your hands and starts playing with your fingers, just running his fingertips over your nails you'd already know. when you smile down at him knowingly he'd just be like, "can i?" he smiles around the finger in his mouth, staring up at you with such sweet round eyes, sometimes shutting them for a little bit. like you said he accepts another finger in his mouth so easily, hand wrapped around your wrist as he holds your hand up to his mouth. when you push your fingers deeper into his mouth he'd moan around your fingers, squirming around a little because of how hard he's getting, he's so so sweet and would get so so needy.

he loves being submissive for you because he loves that he doesn't have to do much. of course he'd take care of you just as well as you do him if u need him to but he loves to give up control and sit back and let you play with him however you please. he trusts you fully and is so willing to do what you want. whether he's domming or subbing is really up to how you feel that day!

[lovecatsart]

No one loves Jesse Pinkman the way I do. Words cannot describe how obsessed I am with this man and not even in a weird way but just how complex his character and the dynamics between him and other characters in the show are is mind boggling. Aaron Paul is such an incredible actor and perfectly portrayed Jesse’s emotion. The connection I have with Jesse is actually crazy. I have been obsessed with him for 2, almost 3 years now and every day I grow more and more attached to him. I have watched breaking bad an unhealthy amount of times just to watch his development over and over again because it so intriguing and I get a different perspective of it every single time. I have written 13 whole pages in my notebook about him, I wrote 15 paragraphs about him for a school project, I’ve been making edits for 2 years straight, I have a cutout of him in my room and a stuffed animal that I literally took with me to ED treatment. This man has been with me through everything and I will never be able to truly describe the connection I have with him. I know it seems stupid because he’s just a dumb show character but I wouldn’t be the person I am now if it wasn’t for Jesse Pinkman. I wouldn’t have met THE LOVE OF MY LIFE @pixie-13-13 If it weren’t for Jesse Pinkman. I relate to him on an unhealthy level and I genuinely cannot contain the emotions I feel for him. I know it’s so stupid to be this obsessed with a tv show or a tv show character but idk what it is but something about Jesse like has me in a fucking trance. I don’t know if im ever going to be able to stop fixating on this stupid damn show because of the chokehold Jesse has on me. I could spend hours upon hours talking about Jesse and the different dynamics displayed in the show and his substance abuse everything and do an in depth analysis of his character as a whole. I will never get over how much better he deserved. He was just a kid who went down the wrong path but could’ve turned it around but because everyone viewed him as a junkie loser it just made him further indulge in these behaviors until he had nothing left. The people who were judging him for having substance abuse issues did little to nothing to help, they acknowledged the problem but only shamed him for it and never even tried to offer him any actual help. He needed help for his substance abuse issues in season 2, instead of his parents taking him to rehab or trying to help him through this they made him HOMELESS. He had no where to go because his parents were too selfish to try to help their son towards a better path in life and all they cared about is how it affected them. “You can ruin your life but you won’t take us down with you” she doesn’t even care about Jesse ruining his life all she cares about is how it reflects on her as a mother and clearly she’s not a very good parent or Jesse wouldn’t have turned out the way he is. People don’t start abusing substances for no reason, obviously that might not be the case but I’ll also remind you that Jake was 12-14 years old and already trying to smoke weed, kids don’t rely on substances that young if their parents are good. I will never stop talking about Jesse Pinkman I swear to god this dude is literally me and half of what I think about all the time. The obsession is actually consuming me send help idk what to do anymore. Anyway yeah also sorry for not posting for a bit I got into art block and was insecure about my drawings so I didn’t want to post them here but I will be starting back up soon, hopefully within the next few days. I just needed to quickly yap about Jesse because he’s eating my brain

[jamlessjj]

Portrait of Bono - colored pencil on 8.5 in. x 5.5 in. paper

I dedicate this post to my ultramarine blue colored pencil. Rest In Peace, you were this drawing's strongest soldier. 

The Short Version

I expect this post to be lengthy, but to summarize: 

There is music to be found in a face. I enjoy the way Bono's face harmonizes with itself, and I do not necessarily mean it in the sense of uniformity or the blend between a perfect interval. When I think of the harmonies in his face, I think of tension and contradiction, and an ambiguity that is pleasant to sit in and marvel at. It is kind of like hearing a full, tall chord that makes something in you buzz when struck, or seeing a mountain range jut into the sky, making the air ring from its boldness (I totally equate Bono's nose to a mountain, and those close to me know I love mountains). Sitting in this ambiguity, I felt like his features connected with one another in unexpected and exciting ways. To make another comparison, I feel the same way when I watch the moon rise at its fullest and map out a face in its craters.

Now, if you so desire to know the nitty-gritty of my experience with this drawing, read on. 

The Long Version

If you were to look up the dictionary definition of trusting the process, me working on this portrait would be exhibit A. Deciding to proceed with a portrait done in full color really set the tone. The last piece I have done fully in color dates back to August 2022. So, the evolution of this drawing began with me staring skeptically at my colored pencils and oil pastels for a good half hour, until I felt brave enough to even breathe on them. 

Right off the bat, I knew I wanted to generally structure the process around chiaroscuro, an effect and/or technique that focuses on strong contrast between light and dark values. In drawing and painting, the chiaroscuro technique involves beginning on a mid-tone surface. Darker (usually thinner) layers of the subject are added first, then the subject is built upon with increasingly lighter (usually thicker) layers. I felt like this focus on strong contrast would, in addition to shadows and highlights, also bring out the contrasting features in Bono's face, such as the harshness of his eyebrows versus the roundness/softness of his eyes. Whether the final product truly looks like a chiaroscuro piece is debatable, though I think following the technique's general guidelines helped me achieve the depth I was going for. 

I did not have any mid-tone paper on me, so the first 40 minutes or so were spent covering the paper in a thin layer of colored pencil: 

When working in color, I like to utilize complimentary color schemes. I am especially crazy about color schemes centered around blue and orange, and wanted to lean into that here. My rule of thumb was for the darker, shadowy layers, I would use blue tones, and for lighter layers, I would use orange tones. The blue layers were a place for me to loosely shape points of shadow and recession in Bono's face, and simply get the lines that make up his features down on paper. To be frank, it was at this point I began to wonder if committing to the bit and drawing Bono was a mistake. 

Engaging with the portrait at this stage was akin to repeating the same word so many times it fails to sound like itself. I was so intensely fixated on the tiny aspects of him that get lost in a glance--is the contour of his bottom lip aligned with his chin? Did I get the asymmetry between his eyelids right? Should I draw his freckles now or later? It was jarring to step back and consider each of these details in tandem with one another. I asked myself, are these features even working in tandem with one another, is this even Bono? Bomaybe? In retrospect, I think what alarmed me was seeing this layer exist on its own. To bring the harmony analogy back, I had struck only a single note with this layer instead of multiple. It simply lacked the context for depth and movement that other layers would hopefully provide. 

As for the lighter layers, I had mixed feelings about how to proceed medium-wise. Colored pencil is not a medium I frequently use, so I doubted my ability to get the thickness I wanted these layers to have with colored pencil alone. Initially, I considered using oil pastels for the lighter layers, but ultimately decided in this case, the textural disconnect between colored pencil and oil pastel might create some unwanted separation between the shadows and highlights. I ended up sticking with colored pencils, and I think this helped elevate the interplay between angular areas and softer areas of Bono's face.

Watching the layers slowly converge was quite satisfying. And, I finally got to draw his freckles!

Here is a close-up of the finished piece.

And the reference, shot by Anton Corbijn:

That's all for now. If anyone stuck around to the end of this post, thank you for taking the time to read it! I had a great time with this portrait, so definitely expect more U2 art.

[aldritch-ao3]

genuinely this is my fav jjk fic ever. better than canon. i like how seamlessly you weave in all the new lore! The way we slowly learn more about jian's life (and btw. character who is possesive as fuck? yeah:3 thanks) is so well done. the interactions between jian & the rest of the cast kill me - i think part of the reason i ship everyone/jian is because you write their interactions so well it just feels like you can already tell how their relationship would progress, like it would be the most natural thing in the world. also more jian+gojo interactions. 4 me. or more jian+geto interations. 4 me. or- this fic is the one i am most excited to see update in my bookmarks atm, i'm so obsessed. genuinely feels like it's own origional story. jian is my #1 fav guy of all time. i am right behind you in being about to make jian doll. also i love the way you make og!naoya feel like a part of the story still - he's almost a ghost in it, despite still living, because irregardless of how little he appears on screen he still deeply affects the story. i love his parent arc btw. insane place to take his character and yet. it's so good. also you're single-handedly making me obsessed w/ muta despite not caring about him at all before this fic. your background character promotional agenda strikes again. i think he and yuuji should talk. two guys losing control(idk how to better put it but. you get me) of their bodies because of the jujutsu system.

ALL THAT AND YOUR ART FUCKS TOO. this ask is already too long so perhaps i shall return another day to gush about your artstyle.

this is such a nice ask ive been going crazy abt it since u sent it ... singlehandedly revitalizing me after a bad sleep night twice in a row. my hero and savior ...

i'm SO pleased to have any sort of impact on any of my readers, ESPECIALLY in making them more fond of certain characters! i think muta is like, my shining star hero and saviour and best friend and im overjoyed to hear i made even a single person consider his merits as a character more. he's so spectacular and has such remarkable potential and charm. ive said before that while i adore mechamiwa (and the rarepair of throwing kamo in the mix, even!) i wish there was more media, especially fic, exploring who he is as a person outside of the girl he loves. theyre sweet but both of them deserve to shine as individuals, too! my muta agenda. everyone must love him for ever and ever

even im surprised by the directions naoya has taken in this. it just felt right. natural. jian's influence on him, and his influence on jian, makes me kind of like, bouncing off the walls batshit unhinged in a way im not sure i could articulate because i have very little room to really showcase how they are removed from each other - after all, even when theyre separate, theyre bound together as something close to a single entity. im really attached. how did this happen? no one has answers especially not me

extremely flattered you enjoy my art, too ... im very out of practice drawing people on account of the one-two punch of a warrior cats and then sonic fixation that lasted like a year each, and getting to toy with it in a fresh exciting way is a treat for me. motivated entirely by My Guys! not that jian counts there because hes like a weird animal creature. but ive rambled enough about jian's design i shant bore everyone with it again.

asks are like a little treat for me forever. just for you i post more of my Drawigns

[oceanwithouthermoon]

the way i have absolutely flooded the kubosai tag is crazy😭most of the recent posts are mine.. my bad..

... anyway, im thinking about kuboyasu picking up different hobbies as a form of anger management, teaching himself coping mechanisms and to use his hands in more gentle ways and let himself make mistakes without taking his anger out in unhealthy ways..

knitting, crocheting, art (he already draws but he wants to do it more and start painting n stuff too), or even scrapbooking or journaling ?? he also already stress bakes/cooks lol.

and since he does it so much, he has so many little pieces of art and he ends up gifting most of them to saiki.. because kubo thinks theyre crappy, but saikis eyes lit up in a way kubo doesnt get to see often when he caught sight of kubos crocheted little pink cat with a suspiciously saiki-like grimace on his face.

so now saiki has all kinds of little knitted/crocheted blankets, pillow cases, stuffed animals, gloves, sweaters, etc. (he made a lot of scarves, bags, hats, coasters, etc. at first since those are easier for beginners, and at first he was keeping them for himself and his mom but the house has too many damn coasters and they do not need that many accessories and sweaters.. so the whole friend group started getting them, but mostly saiki.. and saikis mom started receiving some too).

and little paintings of cats (because kubo definitely loves cats but also saiki just reminds him of one so he draws/paints them for him a lot.. he doesn't know if saiki actually likes them, but he says he doesnt mind so..) and some cute paintings of their friends.. he makes a lot of vent art but saiki obviously does not receive that stuff☠️.

he also tried to learn yoga.. but he learns quickly that he just isnt very good at keeping his hands still and unoccupied for too long.. he might revisit that later, but for now hes just trying to at least learn slow and calculated motions with his hands..

he probably also starts helping kusuo and kurumi with their gardening (because they definitely have a garden). i doubt arens mom has a garden but i bet he could convince her to help him start one after enjoying it with the saikis so much.

the scrapbooking/journaling he mostly keeps to himself.. its mostly pictures of him and his mom, his friends, and him trying to document his feelings in messy pages of writing/doodles/choas..

i love the idea that he starts collecting stickers+fun pens+washi tape to use, which is something he totally would not normally fixate on but he starts getting really excited about it..

tbh it's probably mostly silly stickers from anime he likes, like one piece and dragonball.. a lot of his other interests like the yakuza movies wouldnt have stickers he could get so he just doodles the characters.

but he starts branching out into sillier and more colorful stuff, mostly thanks to chiyo, kokomi, kusuo, and shun. chiyo+kokomi have lots of girly stickers and glitter pens that they give him when they catch wind of the journaling..shun has lots of silly stickers from comic books and theres a surprising amount of harley quinn+poison ivy along with the mcu stuff(mostly spiderman).

chiyo+kusuo have like vocaloid+prosekai stickers, but kusuo mostly is just the reason aren has lots of bright pink+green on a lot of his pages hehe..

anyway, a lot of the gifts he gives to kusuo start getting really.. obvious ? he once gives him this crocheted pink cat with a blank expression and a purple dog whose taller and smiling, both wearing glasses, that are permanently knitted together holding hands☠️and kusuo just.. accepts it. and a lot of the stuff he receives along with their other friends are suspiciously more detailed than everyone elses and there are a lot of hearts and the cat+dog thing becomes a frequent motif and theres so many coffee jelly stuffies and keychains its insane

shun will get like.. a black and red sweater, meanwhile kusuo gets a purple sweater covered in pink hearts+matching gloves+a scarf+socks+a tote bag+a headband ??? aren are ur hands okay seriously

kusuo keeps every single gift obviously, and the first dog+cat plushies along with some other gifts are on his desk so he can look at them literally all the time..

yet somehow they arent dating yet😭aren basically professed his undying love with all the hearts and romantic ass offerings but neither of them have really said anything out loud yet☠️☠️

[broadwaybalogna]

Hyperfixations: what they are, how they work, and why they’re unhealthy

A PSA about my relationship with hyperfixations and why someone should get help if they’re experiencing something similar.

So, if you’ve seen me on this site/app, it’s probably been due to my massive love for Zutara and Katara. If you see me now, I almost barely use this site other than to reblog one or two Zutara posts I like. This is the result of an extremely unhealthy hyperfixation I had with Zutara.

A hyperfixation is pretty much exactly what it sounds like, but it’s easiest to explain it by breaking it up: a fixation is something a person is solely focuses on for a duration of time. This is often compared to a light obsession toward something. Most people can have fixations. It’s very easy to become enamored with something and make it a sole focus for maybe a day or two. The hyper aspect is what changes everything and why hyperfixations are most commonly associated with neurodivergent or autistic individuals.

Going from a fixation to a hyperfixation is easy to visualize. Imagine all the aspects of a fixation- just 10x more obsessive. A hyperfixation is basically the more unhealthy version of a fixation. I clearly remember myself staying up until 4-5am each night writing, drawing, and consuming Zutara content. It took up my every thought (seriously, almost all my thoughts consisted of Zutara. I could be at the beach and daydream about Zutara having a beach date, I would go shopping and look for Zutara/Katara merchandise, it took my my entire focus.)

There was nothing anyone could do to take my focus away. I was aware, in retrospect, that what I was doing wasn’t good for myself, but I was too obsessed to stop myself and take a break. That’s why when the hyperfixation finally died down, I almost left this site in its entirety. It was a sharp transition from hyperfixation to small preference; this is in large part also due to the fact that I began taking ADHD medication.

The medication I had stopped my hyperfixation, but it didn’t help any other factors that contributed to my attention deficit disorder, so I was on and off a variety of meds for a month or two.

When I finally stopped obsessing over these two, however, I was able to get good sleep, I was able to eat better, and I was able to better focus on what I needed to do rather than wanted to do.

Now, just because I’m not as crazy about Zutara as I was, it doesn’t mean I don’t like the ship at all anymore. My hyperfixation had to stem from a regular fixation/interest in order for it to get to the intensity that it got to, but I do think it is incredibly important to spread awareness about how unhealthy I was and how it manifested on this site.

From March 26th to August 5th, I wrote a total of 25 fanfictions and 40k words surrounding Zutara. That’s 2.5 fanfictions per week. Not to mention everything I was reading and consuming as well. I was also drawing. I made about 20 drawings with an average of maybe 1.5 hours spent on each one.

I was aware of the fact that what was happening to me was unhealthy, but I was so obsessed I didn’t want to stop. I actually didn’t want to take my meds because I didn’t want my hyperfixation to end.

That’s how bad things can get.

I hope this is helping to understand just how out of control something can become. The ONLY way I was able to stop was by taking prescribed medication that literally sends signals to my brain to stfu and leave me alone.

If this post has helped you realize that you may be suffering from some form of a hyperfixation or other ADHD related symptoms, please take the time to research and schedule an appointment with a doctor so you can be properly diagnosed and medicated. These kinds of obstacles that neurodivergent people face have many ranges and it’s important to realize that help might be needed.

Please please please do what’s best for you if you think you may be facing a similar problem. Because it is a problem, and it can hurt.

I hope this post was able to do good to some people. I really don’t want to imagine people in a place where I was where everything in my brain was so clouded aside from a ship.

P.S: this post is not a resignation of mine for Tumblr and my love for Zutara. It’s acting also as kind of an explanation for why I have been very inactive as of late.

[eliotquillon]

Can we get a Cameron drabble about her planning the wedding? Maybe it parallels how she planned her first wedding and how quickly she got married both times?

FINALLY working my way through my fic req backlog. anyway yes of course !!

Cameron doesn’t want to wait; she tells her mother as much when she calls home to break the news about the engagement. “Two months, max,” she says, phone glued to her ear while she scrolls through venue listings. Cameron really doesn’t want to get married in a church again, but she has a sinking feeling that, although he’ll never admit it, Chase totally does, and it’s proving impossibly difficult to find a church-esque building that is both not actually a church and has openings for the next few weeks. “Don’t worry about the plane ticket, I’ll book it for you and Dad.”

“You’re not pregnant, are you?” her mom asks suspiciously. “Is that why you’re rushing? Because I won’t be upset if you are, Allison. You can tell me.”

This, Cameron thinks, is a total lie. Nevermind the fact that her mother loves Chase, nevermind the fact that Cameron is in her thirties with a successful career and a nice apartment and a stable relationship with the kind of man her parents have been praying for her to meet—handsome and well-mannered and a surgeon and not remotely close to dying. Babies are still meant to be squarely kept inside of marriage, no matter how robust the circumstances. Luckily:

“I’m not pregnant,” Cameron huffs. “And it’s not–rushing. We’re just busy. It makes sense to have it sooner rather than putting it off and drawing things out.”

Because she will, if she thinks about it too hard. It’s exactly what happened last time: she got so fixated on things must be perfect, we’re only going to be married for a year if we’re lucky, this needs to be exactly what he wants that she woke up one morning and it had been six months since the proposal and it was looking an awful lot like Bob was going to need a wheelchair to make it down the aisle. One hell of a wake-up call: she’d gotten her head out of her ass and the wedding was held two weeks later. And, really, this isn’t like the first time at all. If there’s one thing she and Chase have, it’s time—time for a honeymoon, time to go house-hunting, time for children and anniversaries and a whole life ahead of them. But when Cameron thinks of sitting down to plan a big, expensive wedding—the kind of wedding her parents are more than willing to pay for, the kind of wedding that Chase deserves, really, because with any luck this will be his first and last marriage—her chest gets all tight with panic. She’s committing. She’s committed. But surely there’s no harm in just wanting to get it over and done with.

“Allison, honey,” her mom says, gentle, “nothing’s going to happen to him. He’s not going anywhere. Why not wait until next spring? You could—“

“You don’t know that,” Cameron cuts her off, hot and irritated; Chase could get hit by a car tomorrow, could be held up by the same crazy gunman who came after House a few years ago, could be mugged or stabbed or drop dead of a heart attack, and she’d feel so guilty, she really would, if waiting for nicer flowers or a prettier dress meant she could never call herself his wife. As a concession, she adds, “Anyway, we might be expecting by then,” because it’s true and it’s also what she wants to hear.

Predictably, this shuts her mother up faster than any real protest might. “Oh, that’d be lovely,” Cameron’s mom says, a note of real longing in her voice. “The two of you would make such good parents. Robert was so gentle with your cousin’s baby at the christening last year.”

“I remember,” Cameron says. Her cursor hovers over a promising-looking venue, and she injects some of the resulting smile into her voice: “That’s why we want to do things fast, you know? We want to skip to the good part.”

“Well, just let me know,” her mom is saying, something about booking time off work and navigating hotels and will there be a proper wedding party or is this a real bona-fide elopement, but Cameron isn’t really listening anymore. She can wait two months, she thinks. And then she’ll never have to wait again.

[erectedingold]

Tragic Ending

To be honest I always thought I'd have a tragic ending, and still do.

Never thought I'd have that good ending and I guess that's why I feel obsessed with the idea of a "Tragic ending" whenever I make films.

The idea that no matter the importance of the character from side to main that they should have a tragic ending the same way I believe I'll have one. Something about that sadness just makes a good story to me.

For example, If I get an Oscar I feel like I'll become a drug addict (sorry this is a little crazy) or just become mentally unstable because to have such a large platform I feel like you have to have something with you. When I do graduate from high school and start making active pushes onto my film maker dream I joke that "I'll end up in *big city* homeless with a dog and shopping cart." Because I don't know how possible it will be for me to become that film maker and creative that I want to be.

I also think that a tragic ending is what MAKES good story telling to me, you grow with a character from the start to the end through the good and the bad and then for all of that to be for nothing is so gut wrenching to me.

I had this idea for a short or feature about two teens that fall in love in the 70's called "Love Hotline" I wrote that with the idea of them breaking up in the end anyways because during that time I always thought if I got into a relationship it wouldn't work.

(I'm currently in one right now and I love her so much and that's why I'm lowkey thinking of changing that script if I ever go back to working on it because she has showed me that not everything has to have that tragic ending and I truly feel as though she is my person and that I do love her a lot, I know we're both kids and that I could be getting ahead of myself (Tbh a lie I don't think that I love her so much and if we do end then all my shit will have a tragic ending and I'll never love again) but I want to spend my life with her so bad)

I just don't see a good ending for me I guess, I don't know why but it's so strong in my head that my ending to my life or whatever will be tragic. I don't think it's a bad thing or that I'm sad about it or that I'm PRAYING that it's a tragic ending (I'm not suicidal btw I'm fine) but that just some how I feel either I reach my dreams then it ends badly, or I never make it and spend my life always trying to chase that dream.

I guess that's why I'm obsessed with this idea of a "Tragic ending" in my work, whether it be short films, writings, poems, or drawings / art this idea of a "Tragic ending" is one that is strong in my mind.

Thank you for reading this is my first little blog post type thing and I hope to make more, I never really got tumblr before but I'm a little bit of a frank ocean fixation and he got me on here lol.

- Diego

[bonsoir-oiseau]

New Kid in Town: Chapter 4

AO3 Link: New Kid in Town - Chapter 4

Pairing: Truck driver!Han Solo/Farm boy!Luke Skywalker Late 70s!AU

Warnings: Mild cursing, bar fight and the wounds that go with it.

Tags: More awkward flirting, road trip au, modern (1980) setting, fluff and humor, summer vibes, the truck malfunctions, Luke and his robot hyper fixation, bar fight, Han realizing this is more serious than he initially thought it would be, figuring out how relationships work, Han is a good boyfriend who lets his partner infodump, flustered Han (for once), badass Luke, Luke and Han kick ass together.

Summary: When the Falcon has a (mild) breakdown in a small town, Han learns there’s more to Luke than he bargained for.

A/N: These first chapters have really been Han-centric in terms of flirting and wooing, and I wanted to showcase more of Luke’s skills and crazy sleeper agent build. Inspired by this post by @froglover7789! Is he still woefully naive? Yes. Can he kick ass? Also yes. It’s mostly from Han’s POV as he rides the one-way train to Oh-No-He’s-Hot-Town. Enjoy.

Chapter 1 is here and can be read as a one-shot. Chapter 5 is here.

Without anything to tow, Han’s signature Hyperspeed seems even faster. Most of Eastern Oregon passes in a blur of juniper trees and rusty rock formations. It’s going on 17:00 when they pass the welcome sign for a town called Sisters, and a summer storm rolls in. Han flips the switch for the wipers and Luke jumps as a loud crack! comes from the dash and the cab is plunged into darkness.

“Was wondering when that was gonna happen again,” Han mutters, a little too nonchalant.

“Again?”

“Yeah,” The cowboy shrugs, drawing out the word, “She does that sometimes. Still haven’t figured out what it is. Can fix every other damn thing on this rig, but that’s still a mystery.”

Luke points out a side road that’s wide enough to park along, and Han pulls over. The blond starts to ask about parts, but Han’s waving a hand at him before he can get anything out, “If ya just wait for an hour it’ll start workin’ again. I usually start her back up and the wipers and lights come on like normal.”

Luke shakes his head and starts again, “Didn’t we pass a parts store a minute ago?”

“Yeah, it’s prob’ly two blocks back. Why?”

“You got a toolkit in here?”

“I’m gonna ask ya again- why?”

“I can fix it!” 

The Sunshine Smile is back, but Han’s never felt more suspicious in his entire life. The cowboy chews the inside of his cheek while he debates letting someone who isn’t him or Chuck tinker with his baby. He can’t make it any worse, I guess. 

“Fine. Gimme a list and I’ll go to the damn store.”

Luke utters a little “yay!” and tells him what to buy while he crawls into the back and drags his toolkit out from under the cot. He’s shooed out of his own truck, but before he can close the door, he hears, “Wait! Hang on…” 

When he turns around, Luke’s on his knees in the driver’s seat, holding the Stetson with both hands like it’s a cake he’s afraid to drop, and damn if Han isn’t blushing like some hormonal fourteen-year-old. The brunet gives a breathy laugh and leans forward so the kid can put the hat on him, “‘Cause it’s raining, y’know?”

“I know.”

Luke’s debating something- he’s still looking at Han, but he’s worrying his lip and tapping his fingers against his thumbs. A lightbulb goes off in Han’s head. He’s waitin’ for me to make the first move ‘cause he’s too sweet to take what he wants. A sly smile breaks across the driver’s face as he tips his hat back, leans forward again, and closes his eyes. Two eager hands frame his jaw and pull him up onto his toes so Luke can kiss him. His guess must have been right- it’s a long kiss that makes him shiver despite the warm weather.

“I like doing that,” Luke says softly, still holding Han’s face between his hands.

“I like when you do it, but ya don’t have to wait to ask me every time ya want one. Just assume it’s always a yes, huh?” Han throws the kid a wink. Understanding dawns on Luke’s face. He nods and makes a permanent mental note of that before giving Han another peck and pushing him toward the store.

Sisters is a cute place. It’s small, and the main drag is built to look like it’s from a western. People are meandering down the wooden sidewalks and going into touristy shops to get out of the rain. One building in Han’s path has a considerable line going out the door, and he’s mildly surprised to discover it’s a bakery. He deliberates on the sidewalk and eventually joins the crowd. Place has gotta be doin’ somethin’ right if people are willing to stand out here for it. The Falcon’s parked behind the town’s only restaurant, so Luke can’t see him getting in line. 

He returns to the truck twenty minutes later and two pastries, two coffees, one fuse, and one wiper motor richer. It’s very close to being all for naught when he opens his door and almost drops everything at the sight of the cab.

The dash cover is gone. Completely gone. And the kid’s elbows deep in the electronics under the windshield. Han wants to scream. He wants to flap his arms and bang his head on the side of the truck. All he manages to do is to stand in front of the open door with his mouth hanging open and wheeze. Luke hears this and pops his head up to grin at the cowboy, “I’m almost done! You got that motor?”

“…You broke my truck.”

“Fixed it, actually. Motor, please?” 

Luke rolls his eyes and holds out a grimy, expectant hand. Han sets their food in the driver's footwell and hands Luke the part, still catching flies. It only takes seven minutes for the kid to mount the new motor, reconnect the wiring harness, put the new fuse wherever the hell it goes, and reattach the dash cover. Aside from the dirt on Luke’s hands (and the handprints where he wiped them on his jeans), the cab looks normal. 

It takes Han a second before he gathers up his quarry and gets in, closing the door against the rain. Luke’s grinning conspiratorially.

“Wanna try it out?”

“I’m kinda afraid to, if I’m bein’ honest.”

“Go on, you big baby!”

Luke gets a reproachful glare and a huff as the key is turned and the truck roars to life. The farm boy flicks the switch, and Han cringes as he waits for… nothing. The wipers immediately spring to life, the headlights stay on, and the dome light doesn’t even flicker. Luke smiles, triumphant.

“I like circuitry. I practice on old equipment. I’ve been trying to make a robot out of scraps, actually.” The blond rambles, gesticulating, “You know, if we ripped most of the electronics out of here, I could probably put something silly together. A lot of the difficulty comes from building a good articulated frame that doesn’t pinch wires whenever the limbs bend or the head turns. And a good battery, of course…”

Luke trails off, embarrassed, but Han’s having none of that. The driver hands him one of the coffees, digs an apple fritter out of the bakery bag for him, and settles into a more comfortable position before he nods and mumbles, “Keep goin’.”

The kid is positively ecstatic, talking through mouthfuls of donut about the ins and outs of troubleshooting the wiper problem, getting into circuit building as a teen, and moving on to larger projects. By the time the tangent’s over and they’ve finished their goodies, it’s dark out and the rain has stopped. Oh, and Han’s more than a little impressed. Is it weird to think knowledge is hot? He fixed the Falcon like it was no big deal and that’s hot. He’s smart and I’m realizing that I think he’s hot. Oh god.

While Han panics about this new development, Luke crosses his arms and watches the five stages of grief flash across the trucker’s face. 

“Was that too much? You don’t have to memorize all that or anything-”

“No! No, I just- uh-” Han sputters, hoping the kid can’t see how flustered he is, “I’m glad you figured it out- it’s been doin’ that for months, and I’m only good for mechanical stuff.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself! You’re good at your job, you’re good at making eggos, and you’re good at kissing!” 

Han makes a noise that’s somewhere between a laugh and a choke, and Luke smiles, none the wiser. He gestures to the building they’re parked against while Han desperately tries to compose himself. 

“D’you think we could try this place?”

“Why not,” Han shrugs and hopes it looks casual, fishing a jean jacket out from under his seat. “You got somethin’ for the cold?”

“Oh, yeah!”

The kid climbs into the back to dig through his stuff. Han hops out and rounds the hood to open Luke’s door, and the blond appears wearing a brown canvas chore coat that shouldn’t look as good on him as it does. The bar is on the second floor, and after making a joke about Luke being a child (which earns Han a woefully confused, “But I’m 23?”), they’re settling into a tiny booth.

The service is weirdly quick, and their messy burgers are out in less than ten minutes. Luke’s bopping his head to Mel Tillis and both of them are people-watching. Han makes jokes about appearances and Luke tries to guess what kind of song a person’s going to request at the jukebox, with moderate success. Half an hour in, Han’s debating getting a beer. Luke stops him before he’s fully out of his seat.

“Can I get it? You got all the food in Nebraska and technically paid for the picnic, and I wanna return the favor.”

Han struggles between liking the idea of the kid taking him out and the parental voice in his head that insists the man should always pay. Ultimately, he comes to the conclusion that Luke is also a man; ergo, screw that rule, and he likes the idea of being treated to something.

Journeying to and ordering at the bar is blessedly easy, but Luke’s luck seems to run out when a stranger sidles up to him at the counter.

“You dance?”

“Sometimes! I’m not very good.” Luke chirps, shrugging. “Do you?”

“If the partner’s right, yeah. I’m Dalton.”

The blond is completely missing the way the black-haired stranger’s eyes rake over him- he’s too busy analyzing the man. He’s dressed like Han and talking in some vague accent, but his pristine clothes are all brand-name and his feathery hair is too perfect for him to be a real cowboy. He’s also standing too close, and Luke tries to put some distance between them to be more comfortable, keeping his expression as neutral as possible. They exchange pleasantries, but Luke notices that whenever he responds to certain questions, the green-eyed hick looks momentarily confused before doubling down on the subject and leaning into his personal space. Finally, Dalton seems to reach a boiling point. He moves in again and puts a hand on Luke’s back.

“I’m tryin’ ta ask if ya wanna dance with me, stranger. Have a couple drinks, maybe.”

At this point, some of the other patrons are watching their exchange. The farm boy’s brow pinches as he reviews their conversation and tries to figure out when he told this guy it was fine to touch him. He’s pulling away from Dalton and opening his mouth to respond when Han appears at his side and jerks a thumb toward his unwanted company.

“This guy botherin’ you?”

“I think so.”

Dalton’s a little taller than Han, even more so now that he’s left his hat at their table, but it doesn’t seem to bother the trucker, who throws a smirk his way. This hick’s hand drops to his side and he stands up a little straighter to glare at both of them.

“Who the hell is this?”

“I’m Han,” The brunet sticks a hand out for Dalton to shake, and isn’t phased when it’s not taken. Luke tries and fails to hold in a giggle at Han’s cockiness, and this seems to be the tipping point for their company.

“What kind of shit are you trying to pull, you-”

Dalton moves to grab Luke by the collar, and despite being a head shorter than him, Han is nothing if not resourceful. He catches a handful of long black hair and pulls. It’s something he would have done to annoy a girl when he was in eighth grade, and it works. Dalton turns away from Luke and shoves Han to the floor. It’s greasy beneath his hands, and he takes a moment to grimace and wipe them on his jacket before he gets up.

Meanwhile, Dalton’s succeeded in nabbing Luke and pulling him away from the counter by the front of his shirt. Han watches as Luke waves his arms upward like he’s swatting at flies, breaking Dalton’s grip. The blond points at him and levels him with a stare that’s creepily calm, “We don’t want any trouble, and I don’t want to fight you. Why don’t you leave before we all start embarrassing ourselves?” 

Dalton’s having none of it, and throws every slur in the book at the kid. There’s a collective horrified gasp from the rest of the bar, and people are starting to give the three of them a wide berth. Han sucks in an angry breath and steps in to give the guy what for, but he isn’t fast enough and catches Dalton’s fist with his face. The cowboy stumbles backward, holding a hand over his left eye. The skin around it already feels hot, and he sighs as he imagines the shiner he’ll have by tomorrow morning. 

Luke’s clenching his fists, and the muscles in his neck jump as he shouts, “Alright, that’s enough! We’re not twelve, and you-”

He doesn’t get to finish before Dalton socks him in the jaw. It whips his head to the right, and he makes confused eye contact with Han as the hick draws back for another hit. Han tenses and points at their adversary.

“Watch your back!”

Luke ducks just in time and starts to back away with his hands up.

“You don’t wanna do this. Just walk away, huh?”

“Like hell I don’t!” The brute roars, and as he advances on Luke, the farmer’s back hits the bar and he realizes he has nowhere to go. Han sees his chance and closes in from behind, hooking both hands on the man’s jacket collar and throwing him to the right. Dalton’s stumble and half turn gives the cowboy an opening, and he takes great delight in punching the hick in the stomach. As he curls in on himself, Han takes a swing at his chin and sends him reeling backward. Dalton catches a chair with his knees and goes sprawling.

“You alright?”

“Yeah,” Luke breathes, giving Han a tiny nod.

“You wanna go or kick his ass?”

“I-”

There’s a blur of movement in Luke’s peripheral as Dalton runs headlong toward the two of them and catches Han around the waist, tackling him to the floor. The trucker lets out a whoof! as the wind is knocked out of him, and when Dalton gets up to stand over him and sneer, Luke decides that pacifism is no longer the solution. 

There are crystal ashtrays dotted along the bar, and Luke picks the one closest to him. He holds it upright to keep the contents inside and approaches his target. He catches Han’s eye while the cowboy is still on the floor, and an understanding passes between them. Dalton’s too smug to notice anything’s amiss when the blond taps him on the shoulder. He turns toward Luke with that sneer still plastered to his face when Luke dips into the tray and launches a handful of ashes and cigarette butts at his eyes. 

Dalton howls takes a few tottering steps forward, throwing blind jabs. One of them connects with Luke’s cheek, but the blond repays his opponent with a strike to the nose. Dalton’s hands move to cover his face, and he widens his stance to keep from falling, spitting curses at both of them. 

Han stands shakily, holding his stomach and wheezing a little. He looks at Luke over Dalton’s shoulder.

“I think we’re done here- don’t you?”

The trucker kicks out with his left boot and connects with the back of Dalton’s knee. It gives out, and when the hick’s face is level with Luke’s, the kid backhands him with the ashtray. Dalton lands on his stomach and stays down, out cold.

Han takes the steadying arm that Luke offers him, and they stare in silence at their fallen opponent. The cowboy scoffs, “Where’d you learn to fight like that?”

“When all the farm hands are bullies and bigger than you, you pick up a few tricks,” Luke shrugs, bending over to set the ashtray on Dalton’s back. Han collects his hat while Luke pays for their dinner, leaving a very stunned bartender a good tip for all of the trouble. Other patrons clear a path for them when they head down the stairs and out into the night. 

The air is blessedly cold against both of their faces as they head back to the truck, hand in hand. Luke asks about a first aid kit, and Han tosses him the keys before sitting on the curb to look up at the stars. The kid returns a minute later and plants himself next to the trucker to rummage through the kit. He pre-opens a few antiseptic wipes and lays them on top of the box, turning toward Han and cupping the cowboy’s jaw to assess the damage. They make eye contact for a moment before bursting into laughter, both intermittently groaning in pain as the act puts pressure on their new bruises.

Luke steadies Han’s face once more, still giggling, and goes in with one of the wet wipes. The trucker hisses and goes still, but he’s smiling through it all.

“You kicked his ass. I thought ya weren’t gonna make any moves and I was gonna have to save ya.”

“When were you planning on doing that- before or after the football stunt?”

“Hey, I had a plan, okay?” Han insists, but there’s no fire behind it. He swats Luke’s hand away and snags a wet wipe to start cleaning the kid’s face. 

They work in silence, tallying each other’s injuries. Luke’s got welts on his left cheekbone and jaw, and Han’s well on his way to having a black eye. Both of them have mildly bruised knuckles, but it’s nothing a little camphor can’t fix. The laughter starts up again when Han lifts his shirt to reveal a head-sized, semicircular bruise under his sternum.

“He didn’t move his head out of my guts when we hit the floor. I wonder how he didn’t break his neck on impact.”

Eventually, their little hospital is cleaned up and they clamber into the back of the truck. They’re too tired to do any nighttime routines, so they shed jackets and hats and Luke lays with his uninjured cheek on Han’s chest. The trucker throws a blanket over them and marvels at how quickly he’s acclimated to falling asleep with a grown man on top of him. 

There’s a soft rustling noise as Luke readjusts, looks up at him in the dark and whispers, “Thanks for butting in to ‘save’ me back there.”

Luke feels Han’s chest shake when he breathes out a laugh, “I think you did most of the rescuing. Not that I minded- it was kinda hot.”

Han feels the kid’s grin against his chest, and the arm around his waist tightens a fraction. He sighs, “You’re proud of that, aren’t ya?”

A nod and a soundless giggle. The cowboy rolls his eyes and buries his left hand in Luke’s hair.

“Don’t let it go to your head.”

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary574

4/28/25

monday

waking up early is making me feel sort of crazy i think.

maybe 6-ish is too early for me. i get so tired, and the feeling ugly is getting worse it feels like. i just feel like... i can't really even describe it. it's profoundly stupid. my gf tells me i look the same, and she says i'm pretty and things. but i feel like i'm ugly, and there's features i see that i can't not see, but... they're probably not even 'features,' it's like i fixate on things and can't not see them and it changes the shape of everything i see. so it's like i can't see myself. i swear sometimes i turn my head i feel like i must look really old... and then, like, i swear i think my head shape is different than it really is, it's like a floppy object. so looking in the mirror right now makes me feel super crazy. or not super, just crazy, a bit. i keep thinking it's just that i need to acclimate to this new schedule. i don't feel exhausted really, i just get sleepy, i feel like i can feel my face too. i don't know, hopefully i will feel rested soon.

wrote a new song today, played guitar and came up with simple riffs, that feel really good, and there's a weird-ish part in the middle, but it doesn't lose pace. i'm happy about that, i feel like i re-balanced something inside myself doing it, i guess it's just this ocd-ish thing where i'm like, if the ep has something that i like that i wrote in that way i should try getting something for the album like that, even though there's stuff like it already... i guess i am just sick in my head. i wanted to do more music stuff today but i just got sidetracked, but at least the whole thing is written, bass and drums and stuff.

i wish things weren't wrong with me. i mostly hoped not sleeping until 5 pm and sleeping at 6 would correct things. maybe it's just because i have flipped it so much my body is... i don't know. i feel stupid. i don't know why it always feels like stuff crashing down. it's not even like a manic cycle, it's just a bunch of stuff mounts and suddenly i never wanna go outside again because i feel ugly and i feel so stupid so i can't do anything good, etc etc etc. i stand around twirling my hair spacing out when i talk about it with my gf. she says i am really twisted up.

something very stupid happened, a bit ago, in my internet friend world, some people trolled one of our friends out of a server basically, by, i don't even know how to explain it, incessantly posting racy fanart of vtubers ironically so as to act like anime gooners for some reason. something about that whole bit bothers me, in the first place, for one, since it's like, haha aren't perverts funny, and then it's not even that perverse. as someone who wants to be cut up and hurt and a whole bunch of other gross / perverse acts, it mostly feels really stupid and weird for people to just like, and two of them are near eachother, just look through pixiv or whatever and post those things 'as a joke,' but it is a joke i don't really think they're so into it. it's all gross in a like, boyish way, this sort of bit they have, and i don't really like it either but it pisses my friend off a lot, and they just wouldn't stop, so they left. which frustrates me to see someone get so mad and they won't even relent and like, just go back to being normal or making other jokes. they just have to keep posting the most stupid drawings of women with oversized breasts (also, the worst anatomy ever, so often. what is the point of that kind of art when arms look like tubes with tongs connecting them, limbs totally unrelated to one another). what bothers my friend is generally that kind of thing disgusts them. it doesn't really phase me but it's not good art usually, and it's not really erotic, and it's also like, really dull, mostly what bothers me is that it seems like they feel like they can claim some kind of superiority over it by doing it as a joke. which they can't, since like, there's at least 2 of them in a room together looking through some database of tagged ecchi of vtubers. anyway them making a friend leave over a bit this bad has made me lose respect. which just makes me feel stupid also.

i know everybody has stupid friends or problems with people they know, especially online, or maybe not everyone does. maybe i'm just too okay with some things or whatever, but i also don't want to be weird and puritanical. i would rather see what people are actually like and decide from that. the 2 main people who really bothered my friend are probably super drunk too. so i guess who knows. ughgh. the world is stupid. i'm sort of really hungry right now. also.

good song.

i just put on an album, to hear some of it before going to sleep... probably starts with the most racist thing i've heard. the song is sort of awesome, in the fucked up noise way, but this is more than "too much,"

i don't really know if there is anything charitable to say about the, vocal, content, of this. the rest of the record is good, it's just hard to get over the general stupidity of this. like he seems to do gibberish all over the record, which is cool, it's a good technique, it's just contextualizing it as chinese in a song is kind of psychotic/evil. it seems like something that was hardly thought about. interesting that john dwyer plays drums in this band, the noise guy.

i'm very tired now, though,

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!