#but on the other I’m so much younger than everyone in my classes taking a gap year would fill the gap somewhat

[itcouldbeyourlastmistake]

I’m actually contemplating taking a gap year after high school. It might actually be a good idea idk

[covenofagatha]

A Helping Hand

You're helping your Professor gather ingredients for a potion she's brewing when you accidentally knock over a jar of sex pollen and need help.

Word count: ~3100

Warnings: smut, mommy kink, fingering, Top Agatha, magic cock, blowjob, magic cum, pure filth, teacher x student, age gap (everyone's legal)

Your brow furrows as you stare at the open spell book in front of you. You have a Potions test tomorrow for Professor Harkness, and evident by your lack of understanding of any of the words on the page, you are not going to do well. 

“What’s wrong?” your roommate, Wanda, asks you. The two of you are the top witches at the Academy of Dark Arts, and yet, neither of you has a strong suit in potions. 

And of course, the Potions teacher, Agatha Harkness, is the hardest teacher you have. 

“This is impossible. How am I supposed to remember that, for the Wolfsbane Potion, you have to stir three times counterclockwise, say this incantation, and then stir four times clockwise, all while making sure I’m continuously pouring in Dragon’s Blood?” Your head hurts just from reading it from the book. 

Wanda snorts. “Agatha doesn’t expect it to be perfect.”

You give her a look. You both know that’s a lie. Agatha is the teacher that makes you redo written homework assignments if you leave too much space between the words. 

The Academy of Dark Arts was a home for witches like you and Wanda: witches that did not have a coven, or even a family. The Academy was supposed to teach girls to harness and understand their powers. 

You have been here the longest, ever since you were twelve. You are almost twenty now. You had always put off taking Potions until you could no longer avoid it, mainly just because of how hard everyone else said it was. You had briefly interacted with Professor Harkness before the class, passing her in the corridors or making eye contact at meals. 

And maybe, just maybe, you had developed a bit of a crush on her once you were in her class. 

Who could blame you, though? She was the definition of perfection, with the way power just exuded from her, and the way her long, dark hair tumbled down to her lower back, and her piercing blue eyes that you suspected could see right into your soul. 

But your little infatuation was not what you needed right now – no, right now, you need to study. 

“I just don’t know anything,” you groan, dropping your head into your hands. “I can’t even read my notes.” Agatha often went so fast in class that you had no other option than to just scribble down everything you thought she said as quickly as you could. 

And now you just had pages of illegible chicken scratch. 

“She’s probably still in the green house, why not just go ask her for help,” Wanda says noncommittally, too engrossed in sketching a picture. How she is so calm with this test hanging over the both of you, you have no idea. 

But you nod. That’s a good idea. You can go see Agatha, ask her to clarify a few things, and then stay up all night cramming ingredients and directions into your brain. 

“I’ll be right back,” you promise, and then scoop up your book and your notes. 

You pass by some younger witches in the hallway and you give them a tight-lipped smile. Wanda was really your only friend at the Academy, the other girls too boy-crazy or too self-absorbed for you to really connect with them. 

Other than those girls, though, the Academy is quiet. No sign of any of your other teachers, and you’re sure they’re either in their private quarters or still grading papers in their classrooms. 

You have to leave the main house of the Academy to get to the greenhouse, where Potions takes place. The cold November air stings your cheeks and makes your eyes water, but luckily, it’s a short walk. 

“Hello, Professor Harkness?” you say timidly, knocking on the door as you push it open. She’s sitting at a stool, cutting plants with a sharp knife. Her hair flowing down her back and she's wearing a tight white button-down shirt on that’s tucked into high-waisted purple pants, and a long, navy coat.

She glances up and smiles when she sees it’s you. “Y/n, what can I do for you?” 

“Oh, I just wanted to come see if you could help me clear some things up for the test tomorrow,” you say, a little flustered by how good she looks. 

“Sure thing, hon. First, I need your help. Hand me those powders from over there?” She points the knife over to the counter by the sink and you oblige, grabbing the four vials and putting them down next to her. She picks each one up and examines the label closely. “Ah, shoot. Sorry, dear, could you find the jar with the powdered root of asphodel? It should be in the pantry somewhere. I thought I took it out, but I guess I forgot.” 

“Yeah, of course.” You repeat the powder name in your head a few times so you don’t forget it and then go search for it. 

You finally spot it on the fourth shelf, sitting in the middle of some other jars, and you reach up on your tip-toes to grab it. As you’re pulling down the correct jar, you accidentally knock it into another and it falls to the floor next to you. 

“Shit!” you mutter, immediately crouching down to assess the damage. The jar of some unknown powder has broken and its contents are spilled everywhere. Without even thinking, you start to sweep the powder into your hands so you can try to put it back in the bottom half of the jar that’s still intact. 

You didn’t even notice Agatha coming over after she heard the noise. “Everything okay – don’t touch any of that!” she exclaims, seeing the bottle that broke on the floor.

You drop the mound of powder in your hands and whirl around, eyes wide open. 

“What is it?” you ask, afraid of the answer, but she doesn’t give you one, instead opting to pull you by the sleeve over to the sink. 

“Wash your hands now,” she demands and stands there watching you scrub your skin until it’s red. “How do you feel?” 

“I feel fine,” you say, but as you say that, you notice something. There’s an unmistakable heat growing in your stomach. And it only gets worse when Agatha places a hand against your forehead. You lean into the touch and have to forcibly bite your tongue so you don’t moan. 

She looks you up and down and you can feel yourself getting hotter. You’re sure your cheeks are flushed. 

You’ve never felt this way before. 

“Um, just out of curiosity, what was that powder?” you ask, wetness pooling between your thighs. The ache between your legs is becoming hard to ignore. 

Agatha meets your eyes. “It’s called sex pollen.” Your heart skips a beat. “I honestly forgot it was back there. I came across some a few decades ago and wanted to study it.”

You swallow hard. “So if someone gets some of it in their system, do they just need to touch…” You feel yourself blushing, not quite believing you’re asking Agatha Harkness if masturbation is the key to get this heat inside you to die down. 

She smirks. “You can’t get it out of your system by yourself.”

Well, fuck. “There’s no other way?” 

“Where would the fun in that be?” She winks playfully, and you wonder if she’s ever used it, or used it on someone else. “But you said you feel fine so you shouldn’t have to worry about it.”

“Right,” you reply shakily. Her fingers brush a strand of hair out of her face and you literally clench at the sight of them. You feel so empty, so needy, so desperate for her. 

“You said you had some questions for the test tomorrow?” She takes the root of asphodel that you had forgotten you were holding and beckons you back over to where she’s working. She pats the stool next to you and you sit, the pressure on your clit making you jump. 

You just have to make it through this, go back to your room, and then drag Wanda out with you to a club or something so you can get fucked. 

The only problem is, you’re not sure you can wait that long. Your hips have started squirming on the stool beneath you and you can’t control it. 

“Um, so,” you start, opening up the textbook to the Wolfsbane Potion you were studying earlier. “The directions for this potion are–”

You’re cut off by her putting her hand on top of yours and you literally whimper at the contact. You stiffen and see her turn her full body towards you, taking in the slight sheen of sweat on your forehead, your darkened eyes, the way your hips are moving on the seat. 

“Oh, you poor baby,” she taunts. 

You give up the pretense of being unaffected by the pollen. “Professor, I’m so…I need…please…I think the pollen...” 

She laughs. “Yes, dear, I think the pollen got into your system. Do you have anyone who can take care of you?” 

You blush at the implication of Agatha asking if you have a fuck buddy and then shake your head pathetically. “I was gonna go out with Wanda and try to find someone,” you mumble. “I’ve never…” You trail off, not wanting your incredibly hot professor to hear you say out loud that you’re a virgin. 

“Honey, you can’t have your first time with a random person from a bar,” she tuts. “Plus, sex pollen amplifies feelings you already have. Getting fucked by a random person won’t help as much as by a person you already want.”

“I don’t know what else to do,” you whine. “Can you…will you…please?” You can tell the pollen is affecting your ability to think straight because there is no way you just asked your centuries-old professor to fuck you. You’re about ready to run out of the room and die of embarrassment when she grins. 

“You want me to help you?” 

Your breath catches. “Professor, please, please, I need it. I need you. I just feel so…hot.” 

“I’ll say,” she says appreciatively, this time letting her eyes wander over you slowly. “Are you sure? I don’t want you regretting this when the pollen wears off.” 

You shake your head. “I won’t. I’m sure. I want you so bad. I have for a while. And you said it has to be someone you already want.” 

Her eyes darken. “Get on the table.” 

You’ve never moved so fast in your life. She takes your shirt off and throws it somewhere else in the room, and then her hands are cupping your breasts and her mouth is on yours. 

You moan hungrily into her hot mouth, feeling her tongue against yours. Your hands tangle in her hair, pulling it gently, and she groans into your mouth. Agatha quickly undoes the clasp of your bra and finds your nipples, tugging at them. She kisses down your neck and your fingers leave her hair to hike up your skirt. 

“So eager for me,” she whispers against your clavicle. You gasp when she bites down. 

“Please, professor, touch me.” 

“I am touching you,” she teases, fingertips lightly skimming down your stomach. You tense at the touch as she gets lower. 

Your moan is downright pornographic when she first slides her hand into your underwear, sliding through your folds. She makes a sound as well. 

“Fuck, baby, you’re soaked,” she says. 

“All for you,” you say weakly, hips grinding up and down against her fingers. She’s yet to touch your clit, but you fear the second she does, you’ll cum. 

“My dirty girl.” Agatha finally pushes her middle finger into you and you clench down immediately, needing more. She easily finds the spot that makes you squeal, and her thumb brushes against your clit. “Do you think you can take another finger?” 

“Oh my god, yes,” you enthusiastically agree and she slides in her ring finger as well. It’s a bit of a stretch but you’ve never felt better. 

“Your cunt feels so good around me,” Agatha says, grabbing your chin with her other hand so you meet her eyes. “So wet, so warm. I want to stay here forever. You can’t get enough of my fingers, can you?” 

“No, Professor, I love your fingers,” you babble, right on the edge. She knows it too. 

“Be a good girl and come for mommy,” she whispers right into your ear, her hot breath warm, and the name, coupled with the way she twists her fingers and roughly strokes your clit, sends you climaxing. 

“Fuckkkk,” you moan, your nails digging into her shoulders. She fucks you through the aftershocks of your orgasm and then slowly pulls her fingers, which are drenched, out of you. You can’t help but feel empty and the heat inside you isn’t completely gone. 

Before you can say anything, she slides her wet fingers into your mouth and you lazily lap at your juices. She bites her lip at the feeling. 

“How are you feeling now, baby girl?” 

Her fingers leave your mouth with a pop. “Better but I still think I need more.” 

Her eyebrow raises playfully. “My fingers weren’t enough to quell your thirst?” 

You shake your head, feeling a little embarrassed. 

“I think I know something that might help.” She waves her hand and a poof of purple smoke appears. You’re not quite sure what she did, but she gives you a wicked grin and unzips her pants, pulling out a purple strap-on. 

Your mouth falls open. 

She grabs a hold of the base and starts to stroke herself, groaning. 

“Wait, can you-” 

She looks up at you. “Feel it?” She nods. “I wanna feel you clench around my cock. Wanna fill you up.” 

You let out a small gasp. “Mommy, please, I need your cock.” 

She steps back over to you and runs a hand up your slit, collecting your wetness, which she then rubs on her cock. “You’re plenty wet already, but why don’t you get on your knees and show me how much of a good girl you can be.” 

She doesn’t have to tell you twice. You practically fall to the ground in front of her, ignoring the sharp pain in your knees. You look up at her, awaiting instruction, and she bites her lip softly at the sight of you. 

She puts a hand on your head and pushes you closer. “Put a hand around the base and then run your tongue up and down the length.” 

You do as you’re told and you delight in the loud moan that tears from her mouth. Her hand just rests on your head as you then experimentally suck the tip of her cock between your lips. 

“Good girl,” she says gruffly, and her praise drives you to test the waters and go down further. You bob your head on her dick, never breaking eye contact. “Fuck, baby, your mouth is so hot.” 

Meanwhile, the need inside you is growing so much you can barely fight the urge to slip a hand up your skirt. But you don’t. You figure Agatha won’t like that, and also, you want to focus all your attention on making her feel good. 

“Such a dirty slut on her knees for mommy. So desperate for this cock,” she says and you groan around the strap-on, making her hands tighten in your hair. She pulls you back and a string of saliva connects your lips to her. “Get up.” 

Once you’re standing in front of her, she flips you around and bends your front over the table so she’s standing behind you. She pushes your skirt up and traces your pussy with her cock, sliding it up your slit to your clit and then back. You’re grinding against her, trying to get some stimulation. 

“Are you ready?” Agatha asks. 

“Yes,” you answer, voice hoarse with anticipation. You feel her line the tip up with your hole and then slowly start to push in. 

Both of you moan. She is so big but the stretch is exactly what you need. Once she bottoms out, she holds still for a second, letting you adjust to her size. 

“You take my cock so well.” And then she’s pulling out and thrusting back in, picking up speed and intensity. You lift a leg up so she’s able to get deeper and you can feel her hips stutter. “You pretend to be so innocent but look at how desperate you are for me. Just a little slut, needing me to fill her up.” 

“Yes, just a slut for you, mommy.” 

Her nails dig into your hip and her other hand comes down to rub your clit. You clench around her. 

“You’re so tight, so hot, you feel so good squeezing my dick,” Agatha murmurs, saying the filthiest things right into your ear. You’re so close and it’s only been a few minutes of her pounding into you. 

“I’m gonna cum,” you whimper. Her hand leaves your clit and you gasp. 

“Not yet, baby, wait for mommy. Do you want me to fill you up?” 

“Want you to fill me up, mommy, wanna feel you dripping out of me,” you babble. 

“Oh shit, baby, gonna cum in you. Cum for me,” she says, and you do. This orgasm is even more intense than the one before and you feel her give you one last hard thrust before warmth spreads through your cunt. She stills for just a second and then gingerly pulls out. You can feel her cum dripping out of your hole and down your leg and it almost makes you cum again. 

Agatha turns you around and spreads your legs so she can watch it better. She takes two fingers and lazily smears her cum mixed with yours all over your pussy lips. She raises her fingers to your lips and you eagerly taste both of your juices, moaning around them. 

“Do you feel better now?” she asks, a playful glint in her eyes. 

You sigh dramatically. “For now. But who’s to say I won’t get into more sex pollen some other time?”

She chuckles and matches your smirk with one of her own. “Well, I guess I better keep a careful eye on you then.” 

[e-m-ma-lmfao]

Can you write something for Sephiroth(pre-nibelheim) or Astarion? Your work is absolutely fantastic btw I’m in love with it ❤️❤️❤️

Not So Subtle

pairing : sephiroth x female!reader

summary : you have a teenage girl level crush on him, that you and zack talk (very loudly) about when you think no one can hear. but he does.

a/n : this takes place pre-nibelheim so everyone is happy and well! in honour of ff7 rebirth :)

“Close your mouth or you’ll catch flies.” You snap your jaw shut, eyes moving to glare at the young, dark haired boy who has decided to break your daydream. 

“It wasn’t even open.” He plops down beside you, shoulder touching yours. 

“Mhm.. and you weren’t drooling over our superior.” 

“Your superior,” you correct, eyebrow lifted with pointed sarcasm. If you could stick your tongue out at him, without it seeming childish to everyone around you, you would.

“Last time I checked, you weren’t a first class soldier either,” He points out, amused. Your elbow makes contact with his arm, and his hand reaches to cover the area as he laughs.

Zack was younger than you, though he certainly never acted like there was an age gap. In his mind, you were the same age as him in some way or another. You had always trained together so you felt much closer in age even though you were at least 3 years older than him. At times, he felt like a younger brother to you.

Even more so when he found out you had a crush on the man he spent everyday training beside. Constant teasing, constant threats to spill your secrets, constant blackmail. You couldn’t even count the amount of times he had used your crush to his advantage on one hand. 

There was a time you had to put your foot down and tell him no more, cause it was wrong of course. But also mostly cause you were running out of money to buy his silence.

“Yeah but I'm older, closer to his age. So I don't have to talk to him like I'm below him, unlike some people.” 

“Can you even talk to him?” 

“Yes.” 

“Then why are you sitting here staring..?” 

“He’s training..” 

“Mhm.” The look on his face tells you he’s not convinced. Right now, it was the truth, Sephiroth was swinging his sword in the domed combat simulator, glass walls clear enough for you to see through. So the excuse of not being able to talk to him, out of fear of being sliced in half by his giant sword, was plausible. 

But any other time that you had sat staring at him, making no effort to speak to him, rendered that excuse inapplicable. 

“Shut it..” You push his shoulder with your elbow once more, and he snorts out a laugh. 

“I don’t get why you can’t just talk to him..” 

“Of course you don’t.. because you're obviously blind. Or you’ve been hit in the head one too many times in combat training.” You turn your gaze away from Zack to look back through the glass enclosing Sephiroth. 

His hair is tied up, hanging loosely against his back. It’s a rare sight, so you indulge yourself and stare a second longer than you should. It’s so relaxed, you think, compared to the seriousness of always having it pristinely down. There are stray hairs, flyaways, falling from the hair tie and hanging against his face. It’s unkempt, a nice contrast to his seemingly perfect lifestyle.

He swings his sword with calculated grace, a grace that you (or Zack for that matter) had yet to achieve. The control he held over his blade was impeccable, it never slipped or moved from his hold even when his hands were moving faster than his body could keep up with. Just another thing that had to be perfect in his life.

“How could I ever speak to him and not make a fool out of myself? For one, he’s first class, I'd totally ruin my chances of making first class if I said something totally outrageous. And knowing me, my mind would be so jumbled, I wouldn't even realize the words had left my mouth before he put me on some kind of ‘do not promote’ list.” 

“Oh so.. the only reason you won’t talk to him is because you're worried about making first class? Not.. I don’t know, maybe, the 12-year-old-girl-level crush you have on him.” Your hand slaps over his lips, eyes scanning around you. For the most part, no one looks at the two of you, and you figure the ones that are looking are doing so because of your hand covering Zacks blabbermouth. 

“Would you shut it?” Even with your hand covering his mouth, he manages to laugh at your widened eyes. The crinkles at the corners of his eyes are a dead giveaway of his amusement. You remove your hand with a pointed look, one that says ‘keep it down’ in a far more subtle way than a hand over his face. 

“You’re so lucky you’re younger than me.” 

“More like so lucky you don’t want to make your boyfriend angry. Besides, you know I’m stronger than you.” 

“Mhm..” You roll your eyes, and with a sigh, you turn back to face Sephiroth. He stands still now and you realize all of the practice dummies have been broken. From your position, he doesn't even seem to have broken a sweat, even though he’s been in there for over an hour. His sword lies on the ground, thrown without care. 

Even with Zack beside you, and the silent teasing that exudes from his body, your eyes remain trained on Sephiroth. You realize it’s childish, to stare and never approach, but the idea of even standing next to him is enough to intimidate you. 

He runs his hand over his back, pulling the hair tie from his hair, allowing it to fall against his shoulders once more. He turns, presumably to leave the combat simulated, and his eyes meet yours through the glass. You knew your staring wasn’t subtle, it had never been before, but you had never expected to get caught. You had never been caught. 

You turn your head away so fast that Zack almost flinches, probably thinking you were going to hit him again. 

“Jesus,” he looks at you with confusion, “What’s the problem?” 

“He saw me.” 

“What?” 

“He saw me! Through the glass! He totally caught me staring at him..” You stare at Zack with wide eyes and flushed cheeks, before you head falls into your lap in shame.

“Would you relax? I guarantee he doesn’t care or he didn’t even see you. Maybe he was just looking at his reflection.”

You look back towards Sephiroth to see him leaving through the doors of the dome, and then you turn back to Zack with a pitiful whine. 

“This is so pathetic…” 

“I agree,” he smiles when you shoot him a glare, “Just talk to him.” 

“Talk to who?” A deep voice sounds from beside you, higher up than where you sit. You feel the hairs on the back of your neck stick up, and Zack's expression is enough to confirm your suspicion about who stands next to you. 

You turn your head to face Sephiroth, and he stares at you expectantly. You think you catch the slightest smirk building on the corner of his lips, but you also think you might just be trying to make yourself feel better. Standing, nowhere close to his height, you hold your hands up. Zack takes this as his sign to stand too. 

“Nobody! Angeal!” You fumble out words, trying to throw out a name before he grows suspicious. 

“Well which is it, nobody? or Angeal?” 

“Angeal. Yeah! Angeal, so.. um.. I should probably go find him.” 

“It just so happens that I have to find Angeal too, allow me to join you.” 

You want to throw the nearest chair at Zack, curse him for speaking so loudly. And you curse yourself for not thinking of an excuse in a reasonable time frame, so you just nod, and excuse yourself from Zack. 

He gives you a pitiful smile, and when you turn to look behind you for support one last time as you walk away he gives you a thumbs up. His face contradicts his hands, and he seems like he’s in a far less teasing mood. 

“Whatever you have to say to him, it must be important.” 

“Hm?” You tilt your head up and to the side to look at Sephiroth, you’ve been walking together for a few minutes now, mostly silently. 

“You're walking fast.” You shrug your shoulders and continue walking. 

At least until your steps are interrupted by him stepping in front of you. 

“Is there a problem?”

“What? Of course not!” He practically glares down at you, arms crossed over his muscular chest. You can see the outline of his defined chest muscles through the straps of his top. And you realize you're practically drooling over him, right in front of him so you force your eyes to meet his once more. But his glare is replaced by a smirk, and amusement in his eyes. 

“I see now..” 

“See what?” 

“Really? Do you think you’re subtle?” Your face flushes and once again you want the floor to open up and consume you whole, but you're stuck here. 

“I don’t know what you're talking about.” Step back, you scream at yourself, but he moves closer and it’s impossible to move your feet. They feel like lead underneath you, not even giving way to a small shuffle backwards.

“No?” His hand reaches up to rest on your cheek, it's gentle, far gentler than you would’ve expected. But the way his fingers tense against your skin has you feeling fuzzy, “You think I don’t notice the way you stare? Hm?” 

He stares at you, thumb moving to the other side of your chin, holding your face in his hand. He maneuvers your face, moving it however he likes. You realize he’s examining the flush in your cheeks, the way your lips part like you want to say something. His tongue gives a humiliating click when your lips close, and the words are lost. 

“I hear you, when you talk to Zack,” he stops his movement, stilling your face to look directly at him, “You’ve never been a quiet girl. Why are you so quiet now?” 

When you don’t respond his eyebrows scrunch, its subtle and almost missable because it’s gone in seconds. He’s not satisfied by your silence.

Sephiroth bends his shoulders, moving closer to your face, “Although, I suppose you’ve never been very talkative around me.” He moves closer still, swerving his nose to the side of your face until he’s able to speak in your ear, “That’s not very nice. You might hurt my feelings if you keep ignoring me.” 

“I’m sorry,” you mumble out meekly, you're honestly not even sure it’s audible at first but he laughs quietly, breath fanning on your ear. His other hand, the one that doesn’t hold your face, reaches up to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear before he pulls away. The breath that leaves your body is almost embarrassing. 

“What’re you sorry for, hm?” He stares expectantly down at you, eyes never leaving yours. 

“F…for ignoring you.”

“So you ignore me?” 

“No!”

“So you’re lying?” You shake your head as much as you can within the hold of his fingers, “Then what are you sorry for?” 

“For not talking to you.” 

“And why don’t you talk to me, I'm sure you know it’s rude to stare and never speak to someone.”

“Because..” His grip loosens, hand moving back to your cheek, thumb resting on your cheek bone. 

“Because why? Cmon use your voice, the one you use to talk about me with Zack.” 

You stare up at him pitifully, and the way words fumble from your mouth has you wanting to throw up, “Because I have this stupid crush on you, and I can't talk to you without getting nervous. I know it’s stupid and I should have told you sooner so you could reject me and I could move on and I never meant to offend you or-”

You hadn’t realized he had gotten so close until his nose touches yours, top lip brushing against yours as he tips your chin up towards him. Your words fall flat on your tongue when you meet his eyes, or rather when you see his eyes that are focused on your lips. 

“Offend me.. that’s sweet..” He’s so close to you, that every word has his lips brushing against your own again and again. 

“Sephiroth..?” You suppress the urge to move the tiniest bit forward so your lips can fully meet his. And you're sure your face is impossibly red. 

“You should’ve told me about this ‘stupid’ crush sooner, such a foolish girl. May I?” You're confused, what is he asking for? His eyes flicker up to yours before moving back to your lips. When you realize what he means you nod your head perhaps too eagerly. 

Slowly, to tease, his lips press against yours, palm pressing into the skin of yours to keep you in place. Eyes fluttering closed, your hands find his chest, silently screaming about the position you’ve found yourself in.

His lips overpower yours in every regard, moving languidly against you. His other hand reaches up to the free side of your face, fingers tickling the skin on your neck and thumb resting on your jaw. 

When he pulls away you can only look at him with half lidded eyes, dazed. 

Al he does is chuckle, rubbing your cheek with his thumb and patting your head. One hand holds the back of your head, leaning down to kiss your temple, before stepping behind you, “Don’t be so shy from now on. Maybe we’ll end up here again.”

His steps echo through the empty hall as he walks away.

“Wait… wait.. I thought you had to go see Angeal?” You turn, taking one step in his direction, then stopping yourself in your tracks hesitantly. 

“I didn’t. And I know you didn’t either.” He only turns his cheek towards you to speak and then continues on down the hallway, tall and brooding.

[honeylations]

BAEK HARIN x FEM!READER

Prompt: You let her bully you but you know deep down she doesn’t mean it because she’s just trying to uphold her reputation as the school’s IT girl

Warnings/Notes: secret relationship, smut, fingering, F Grade reader, red flag Harin, smoking, reader gets burnt with a cigarette

A/N: IT’S HAPPENING PEOPLE. It’s time to showcase how down bad I am for this woman.

Your eyes were glued to your feet in fear as you were corned in the classroom by Dayeon and Wooyi, each holding a pair of kitchen scissors.

As always, everyone minded their own business, knowing that they shouldn’t interfere with whatever an A Grader is doing. You started to shake, tears welling up in your eyes when Dayeon took the sharp end of her scissors and dragged it lightly from your jaw to your chin.

“You know when I was younger, I loved styling my Barbie doll’s hair. My dad would always buy me a new one because I’d cut each one’s hair until they were bald and ugly….wanna be my new Barbie doll, Y/n?” Dayeon whispered.

Wooyi brushed her knuckles against your smooth face, admiring how clear and flawless it was. “It’s such a shame you got 0 votes. You’re so pretty Y/n-ah…all of that beauty about to go to waste”

Harin gripped her book as she remained glued to her seat, trying to mind her own business like she always does, but hearing the two girl’s threats/back handed compliments was slowly boiling her blood.

She’d allow any A Rank to bully anyone but once it came to you, her rule would change.

You’re her special girl.

That’s only for you to know at least.

Harin can’t bear to imagine how her reputation would be if the truth was out. She truly loved you but she loved this pyramid game just as much.

And you couldn’t argue with her about it. Whatever made your Harin happy, made you happy.

“I think we should give her short hair like Do-Ah” Dayeon winked, making Wooyi laugh.

Your clenched fists stayed by your sides when the took a chunk of your hair and steadying the scissors against it.

“Yah, that’s enough” Suji spoke up with arms crossed, making Dayeon roll her eyes.

“Don’t you have anything better to do other than meddling with us?” The green haired girl scoffed but Suji pushed the other two away before standing in front of you.

“How am I supposed to do well in class when I can’t even focus? Are you that dumb to not complete a simple test, Dayeon-ah? And Wooyi, if you’re gonna try to be the prettiest girl in this school, then find a better cardigan”

Wooyi cursed under her breath and held the scissors like a knife, taking a step closer to Suji just before Harin slammed her book on her desk and stood up.

“Kim Dayeon, Bang Wooyi. Enough.”

The two looked at Harin and gulped, seeing her approach them with her bitchy stare.

“She needs to know her place, Harin. I think she’ll look good with blood all over her body” Wooyi growled but Suji didn’t falter, only sending the short haired girl a middle finger.

“If you two don’t listen to me right now, I’ll make sure you move down to D Grade in the next voting.”

Looking between all of them, you noticed Harin was now staring at you as her minions ran off to their designated seat but Suji remained in front of you.

“You too, Sung Suji. Everything’s handled, you can go back to your seat” Harin ordered.

“And what, let you torment Y/n? I don’t think so”

“What makes you think I’ll do that?”

“I can see through you, Baek Harin. I’ll seriously kill you if I see burn marks on more people like you did with Jaeun”

With a shaky hand, you tugged onto Suji’s uniform. “S-Suji, it’s fine”

Harin’s eyes darted down to your hand that was on her rival, not accepting the small skin ship. “Don’t touch her, Jeon Y/n.”

Suji held your hand and interlocked your fingers. “Don’t listen to her Y/n. I can help you”

Fire flashed in Harin’s eyes and she instantly yanked you away from Suji, pulling you behind her. “Don’t touch what’s not yours, Sung Suji!”

“Who are you to claim her? I’m not letting you hurt this girl anymore!”

You saw the taller girl point her finger in the shorter’s face. “Try to ruin the game all you want, Suji. But don’t you dare touch Y/n or get her involved in it”

Without hearing another word, Harin dragged you out the class and into an empty room, locking the door and sitting down on one of the chairs while pinching her nose bridge.

You stood awkwardly in front of her and played with your fingers. “H-Harin..”

“Are you trying to make me jealous on purpose?”

You looked up at her with wide eyes. “What? N-No! I was going to tell Suji to go away I swear!”

Harin sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know, baby. It seemed like you wanted Suji’s attention more than mine. Don’t you love me anymore?”

“No no I love you, Harin! So much!”

She bit on the tip of her thumb before tapping her lap. “Come. Sit”

You quickly did as so and held onto her shoulders for support.

“You’re such a bad girl, baby. Letting the other girls touch you like that. Tell me, did you enjoy having Wooyi’s fingers on you?”

Your lips were sealed but you shook your head.

“That’s right. The only fingers you’ll be getting are mine, okay?”

“Y-Yes Harin”

She tilted her head at you. “We’re alone now, honey”

You gulped and flickered your gaze at her plump lips. “Yes mommy”

Harin held your hips and forced them to move back and forth against her lap. “Don’t kiss me, Princess. That’s your punishment as of today, got it?”

“Yes mommy” you gasped when Harin moved you to sit on her thigh, letting you continue riding it.

“M-Mommy, feels so good”

“I know baby. Don’t be loud, okay?”

You nodded and watched the girl remove her cardigan, taking out her usual cigarette and favourite golden lighter. Quickly lighting up a stick, she hid the lighter back into her cardigan and moved one hand underneath your skirt.

“My good girl. Not wearing panties like I told you to” she smiled, taking a big puff of her cigarette and blowing the smoke into your face.

You didn’t like passive smoking but with Harin, you did not mind one bit.

Her ring finger and middle finger were flat against your soaked entrance, causing you to whine. “Mommy…Mommy please can I ride your fingers?”

“Always having manners, baby. That’s what I love so much about you…” she trailed off and leaned up to place light kisses under your jaw. “…go on ride me”

“Thank you mommy” you choked and felt full from her two slender fingers pushing into you.

Your grip on her shoulders tightened while you moved up and down, feeling her digits dig deeper inside your walls. You threw your head bag and murmured a bunch of incoherent words while Harin stared up at you with fascination, still going through her cigarette.

“God, you’re so pretty Jeon Y/n. I’m so glad you’re mine. My beautiful F Grade” she whispered, leaning her cigarette to your shoulder. “You know what to do, my love”

You undid the 3 top buttons of your shirt and pulled down the left side, exposing your black bra strap and the left over burn marks from your previous private sessions with Harin.

She hummed at your obedience and struck the lit end of her stick against a new space on your skin. The mix of the pleasure of her fingers plus the stinging hot cigarette was enough to bring you to your orgasm, clutching Harin so hard that her uniform could’ve ripped.

“Yes…cum for me, sweet girl”

“Fuck fuck fuck yes mommy thank you”

Admiring your fresh burn, she flicked the cigarette away to hug your hips and pull you closer, letting her continue kissing all over your neck and collarbones, even kissing your old burn scars.

She was about to move to your other shoulder, pulling down the shirt to expose your skin but she was met with a big bruise.

“Is this from Kim Dayeon?”

You were still recovering from the intense orgasm but managed to nod your head. “Y-Yeah..”

“Does it hurt alot?”

“Not alot. I’ll put ice on it, don’t worry”

Harin slowly pulled her fingers out of you and sucked it clean, noticing your face going red. “Don’t be shy, baby. You’re so cute”

“T-Thank you”

“I can punish Dayeon for you, my love”

“No I don’t want that, seriously it’s okay” you chuckled and held her face, tracing her bottom lip with your thumb. “You worry too much”

“You’re my girl. Why won’t you let me help you move to A Grade?”

“Just ‘cause…I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you”

Harin nodded in understanding and kept smiling at you. “If you say so, my love”

[wosoragebaiter69]

you don’t have to be perfect

barça fem x teen!reader, lucy bronze x teen!reader

request: here

A/N: also i would just like to say, if anyone has any feedback for my writing it’s greatly appreciated cuz i’m not the best writer ik that but i want to improve.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It was apart of the contract I first signed with Barcelona that I continue my studies and finish school. Not ideal, but I get by with around 80% and sitting on a B for most my classes. What I didn’t factor in was the amount of stress I would have on top of the League and UWCL games when exams and assignments from 6 different classes were coming up. That’s hard on a 17 year old.

I felt myself start to drift away from everyone in the 2 weeks before mayhem. First it was denying to go out with the younger girls like Salma and Vicky, both of whom understood. Vicky being the same age as me and Salma only 2 years older than us. Then as expectations rose, classes became longer and filled extra information. All the time I wasn't on the pitch, I was studying. Or sleeping. (we dont talk about how even thats being cut down to maximum 5 hours a night).

Living with Lucy meant that she was bound to catch on to what was happening. It was inevitable. She took me under her wing when I first arrived along with some of the older girls and since I don’t speak Spanish natively, I was told to go with Lucy who was told to keep an eye on me. It’s nice, when you don’t want her to worry about how you’re ignoring everyone and have bags under your eyes whenever she sees you. She really does try her hardest to get me to do anything that’s not over analysing and over-studying the numerous topics, but no matter how much it pains me. I always turn her down.

After another night of studying until 2am, there’s an early morning training session and I know I’ve only gotten 4 hours of sleep. If I told the medical staff I’m sure they’d pale.

I’m aware that I probably look like death walking, but it doesn’t bother me. If I pass with above average grades, I’m happy and I know my actual parents will be too. I ignore the concerned looks that Irene and Alexia give Lucy, and get changed ready for the training session.

It’s gruelling, the lack of sleep from the past 2 weeks has finally started to catch up. When I least needed it to. Maybe I am working too hard. It’s too late for that though. I know I’m being watched by the captains, acting for a little bit longer won’t do much harm. Can it?

When the third water break rolls around, I sit on the floor and flop onto my back, closing my eyes. Too tired in the moment to do anything other than breathe. The sunshine above me dulls as Lucy and Alexia stare down at me. When I open my eyes. My captain has a raised brow, while my roommate has her arms crossed.

“Y/N, get up please. Now.” It’s Lucy who speaks first. I don’t give in. What’s their problem?

“No. I am fine where I am thank you very much.” I bite back. Lucy looks like she’s trying to hold herself together and Alexia looks furious. Unconsciously, I sink into myself hoping the ground could swallow me up.

“Nena, we won’t ask again.” The spaniard says, her voice low as she sticks out her hand.

I reluctantly take it, pulling myself up and staring at the two in front of me.

“Come.” Alexia says blankly, leaving no room for argument before walking toward the main building. I sigh, doing as she says or I know I won’t hear the end of it. Lucy trails just behind me, her jaw set and making sure I don’t run away.

When inside I’m placed on a couch, wishing and praying to any extra-terrestrial being that I can leave this confrontation. What is it even about? Why am I here? I’ve done nothing wrong.

“So, we noticed you’ve been pushing people out. You also look dead.” Classic Alexia, straight to the point.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I look away.

“Really? Because when I go to bed, which is around midnight and sometimes 1 if I’m doing other work. Your light is always on. You better fess up now before we make you do extra laps, and clear all the equipment from training.” It’s Lucy this time, starring daggers into me. Still, I don’t let up.

“Maybe I left the light on.” I shrug. “And why do we have to do this right now? I have 2 exams tomorrow. So, if I may. Let’s finish training so I can get to study and do other things.”

“This is exactly what I’m talking about Y/N. You’re deflecting absolutely everything we say. You’re not taking the information in. I get you’re stressed but that doesn’t mean you isolate yourself.” She pauses, sighing deeply. “We are going home right now. You will not touch your school work, this has gone on for long enough. I know Alexia agrees with me.”

“Before you argue, just think. Is this really the best way I could’ve prepared? Yes nail in, do the study for good results. But also remember to utilise the support system you have, the team, the coaches, take a break.” By the end of the rant I feel tears well in my eyes. I feel someone hug me and I can tell who it is by the obscurely large hands.

“Nena, go home with Lucy. Get some rest, and not only will you feel better but it gives your brain a break. When the week is over we can talk more but for now go.” The Catalan smiles warmly. I nod my head saying thanks before walking with Lucy to the car.

“Do you feel alright? You do look very pale.” She places her hands against my face and frowns. “No temperature. I’ll get some food into you and we’ll have a rest day. Just us.” I nod slowly staring out of the window as my mind races.

When we get to the apartment, no conversation is made and I immediately go and take a shower. It’s there that I cry and let all my frustrations out, the stress finally taking its toll on my mind.

When I’m dressed and ready I walk out to the smell of pancakes and Lucy sitting on the couch with Narla next to her. She hears me and turns her head around, eyebrows furrowing at the state I’m in.

She pats the open spot next to her which isn’t taken by the Westie and hands me a plate, which I accept gratefully.

It’s a comfortable silence, but I know she’s waiting for me to say anything. And this time, I do.

“I’m sorry Luce.” My voice is quiet and more high pitched compared to what it normally sounds like.

She smiles lightly.

“Hey, these things happen. You’re smart, just as Alexia said give your mind a rest and you’ll do better. Myself, Keira, the rest of the team only want the best for you and your well-being. Let’s not talk about this now, take it step by step. You’ll be ok.” I nod wiping freshly formed tears as she pulls me into a big hug, giving the rest of her pancake to Narla who eats it happily.

- - - - -

And ok it would be. I end up playing Fifa with Lucy the rest of the day before eventually falling asleep against her. As for the exams, I pass by with good grades and after everything’s done the team takes me out to a restaurant to celebrate. As much as I deny it, this team is the most important thing to me. I love and adore them all so much.

[totaly-obsessed]

Could you write for leah but reader is her little sister and she's been like misbehaving at school so her mum asks her to talk to her as of she's being like bullied or something to get reader to admit it.

(Sorry I miss spelled something the first time and didn't realise I took the name out when I was fixing the mistakes)

Big Shoes to fill

Leah Willamson x reader fic

pt.2 here

-> Reader, Leah's younger sister is having trouble in school - mysteries get solved.

-> Talk of bullying, homophobia, (maybe child neglect?)

-> @ anon, I hope you like it - a little bit angstier than most of my stuff

➳ Masterlist

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

Amanda and David Williamson had had enough. Since school started again, they have received nothing but bad news from their youngest daughter’s school – your school. At first, it was just forgotten homework, until you missed attendance a couple of times – then they made sure, that you did in fact go to school and classes. But after getting better, it got worse again – you had started to misbehave more and more, talking back to your teachers and being constantly rude to everyone around you.

It was stressful. Of course, you didn’t change your behavior overnight, and you didn’t change because you were bored – but nobody seemed to care. Leah had moved to central London a couple of years ago and your older brother Jacob moved to Australia – leaving you all alone in your parent's home.

They weren’t bad people or bad parents, but they were busy. Work. All day, every day. Both of them had already been older when they had you – Leah already eleven, and Jacob seven when she was ‘blessed’ with a younger sister.

The footballer loved to tell you how your first meeting went, boasting to everybody that you wouldn’t stop crying until she held you for the first time, falling asleep in her skinny, little arms. It was her favorite picture of you as a baby, even to this day.

When your principal called Amanda at work for the third time that week, she was done trying. Instead of picking you up, she told the man on the other side of the phone to let you walk home – no matter how much you whined. To his surprise you did not even complain, taking your bag and walking out the door – dull, tired eyes and an empty smile on your face. You finally did it. Maybe you never had to go back. Maybe they finally gave up on you.

Once you had arrived home you were drenched by the London rain, shivering as you made your way through an empty house, taking a shower before you started cleaning up your muddy footsteps. Everything was normal until no one came home. Usually, your mom would get home at five and your day by eight – but now it was already nine and no one was answering your texts.

The lock of the front door ruckled, and after a few tries, it was finally flung open. Like in a bad horror movie a silhouette was shown by lighting in the background – but after a deafening silence aside from the falling rain, Leah stepped inside. Her hair kept back in a beanie and a bag of take-out food in her hand – “I’m homeee!”

You took the food into the kitchen before handing her towels and dry clothes, leaving her to get changed. “You, my love, are the best sister, ever!” By now you had plated the food and set up on the couch, two glasses, and a bottle of wine. “I’m your only sister, Lee.” Her blue eyes softened at your weak voice. “I knowww, but you’re always so good to me.” She pulled you into a tight hug, almost afraid to let you go.

You handed her one of the plates, two slices of Pizza on it – your joined favorite – as she eyes the glasses. “Aren’t you a little too young to drink, Missy?” A sheepish smile was the only response that she got, and it was enough. Leah could see that something was up.

Usually, you had time to prepare when she visited, knowing of it beforehand – but today was different, she just showed up. You didn’t have time to hide the bags beneath your eyes, or do your hair in a way that didn’t look completely life-less – and she noticed. Of course, Leah noticed. She would always notice.

You ate dinner in silence for a while, just happy to be in each other's presence, having missed that feeling once Leah had moved out and you had gotten older. But when both plates were clean, Leah literally licking the crumbs off them, you couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m guessing you’re the one I have to thank for Mum and Dad being somewhere else?”

Your older sister swallowed hard, knowing that you would ask, but she had still hoped that she could gently lead you into the conversation. “Yeah, they’re at my place.” Leah’s place was a stunning apartment closer to the Arsenal training facility. As gently as she could, she took your hands into hers, immediately noticing how cold they were. 

“They told me that you’ve been havin’ trouble in school. What’s goin on Bug?” You hated that look. Leah’s eyes clouded with worry terrified you. She really did care, and while that was nice to know, it also meant, that you would hurt her, no matter what.

“Mom doesn’t know what to do anymore, and Dad- he, well he doesn’t either.” Of course, you knew that. Your mother's tired eyes nearly mirrored your own. But you couldn’t tell them. They wouldn’t understand.

The silence was deafening, and your older sister tried to be subtle with her concerned staring. Sadly for both of you, Leah’s subtle was like an elephant in a fine China store. She really did try not to coax anything out of you, wanting you to feel safe enough to open up.

“School’s just not my thing.”

Both of you knew that you were lying – you loved learning new things and while school might not have the right topics for you, it was better than dying dumb.

The Arsenal player’s eyebrow was intimidating enough for you to just give up. You were tired of fighting your feelings, hurting yourself and everybody else.

“Why are you so rude to the people in your class?” She really was serious, there was no backing out now. “They are not nice people.” Her gaze hardened, her suspicions forming even further. “Why don't you like them?”

But she was met with silence. While you wanted to let her know, that those kids were mean ones, you didn’t want to tell her why they were so mean to you. It would break your sister's heart.

“Okay, what about your football team? Do you have any friends there?” Every time your eyes wandered up from staring at your joined hands to meet Leah’s, they snapped back down. The look in her eyes was terrifying. She seemed scared.

And it was all your fault.

“Oh, I stopped playing football.” Your parents hadn’t even noticed. You washed your own laundry, so when at some point your sweaty training clothes stopped showing up, no one noticed. The only one who did was your trainer – she was now missing one of the most known last names in English women’s football in her team.

You didn’t need to look at your sister to know that she was shocked, her stunned silence doing all the talking. “W-What to do you mean – You quit? But you love football!” You did. You loved watching Leah and her teammates play football, there was so much passion on the field, silent understanding, and mastered routines when they played. “Just drop it, Leah.”

Realization set in for the England captain – you were growing up. Gone was her little sister, who would do anything to be like her. The little sister who worshipped the ground she walked on.

“Why did you quit then? Mom didn’t tell me about it. Why didn’t you call?” You had downed the contents of your wine glass, stealing Leah’s as well. It scared her, just how tired you looked. “Didn’t want to interrupt your day, you’re a busy woman now. Mom always says that.” You took a deep breath, before making air quotes “Leah has more important stuff to do now, honey. Don’t call her, what if she is in an interview?”

The silence was suffocating. It never used to be like this, at least not that Leah remembered. “You would have never interrupted. I will always make time for you, Bug.” As much as you wanted to believe that, you couldn’t. No one made time for you. Not even your mom and dad, who used to do so many exciting things with all their kids in the house. But it was different now. With Leah and Jacob gone.

“A phone works both ways, Leah.”

The footballer was stunned. You were right. She was complaining to your mum, on and on, about how she didn’t know what was happening in your life – but she herself made no effort to change that.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Her confession and apology meant everything to you – even if you feared, that they were empty.

The wine bottle was now empty, and Leah still sober – but that was her plan, and it was working a charm, as your slightly slurred words started to pour out.

“I am so proud of you. You know?” A deep sniffle filled the brief silence “Winning the home European Championship, leading the team to the win, playing every game.” Your eyes were staring into space, as your sisters’ hands tried to warm yours, scared of how hollow you looked and felt. “But it’s not easy living up to that, you know?”

You once again grabbed the glass, disappointed when it was empty. But you didn’t get up to get more. “All everyone said when we went back to school, was how I would never be as good as you.” Tears threatened to fall from Leah’s eyes as things started to make sense. “That’s not true, y-“ but you didn’t let her finish her desperate try to change your mind. “It is true, Leah. I will never be as good as you – because I don’t really like football that much. Your passion and love for it, made you work harder to get where you are right now. I just played so that Jacob and you had something to talk to me about.”

Your whole life you had been pretending to love the game just as much as your siblings did – and when Leah thought back on it, she started to see it. You never had a team you supported, but it was always the one she had played for, or preferred. Not a single well-known footballer came to your mind when you were asked. The only answer you would give? ‘My sister, Leah. She is my favorite footballer of all time.’

“People had never been the kindest to me. I mean I could handle it when they just made fun of me for defending you. But after the win, all of a sudden everyone loved you, and then I was the one they were hurling insults at.” Tears made their way down the blonde's face, leaving a salty taste on her lips. “What did you need to defend me from?”

She knew it was bad the moment that your hands let go of hers. Seeking space. “Well, people knew. They knew about you and Jordan.” Sobs started to wreck her body as you desperately tried to soothe her by rubbing her back.

People were insulting her for being gay, and you stood up for her, making yourself the target.

“Bug, I- I don’t know what to say…”

The tipsyness started to make way for your guilt. She wasn’t supposed to know. You knew that it would break her heart, knowing what was happening at school.

“I hoped, that if I acted cold enough, people would leave me alone. But they didn’t. I tried to tell Mum that I wanted to change schools, but she was busy.” Now she understood. You tried to get yourself kicked out of school so that your parents had no choice but to notice and send you to a new one, where you could start over.

“I am so sorry. You shouldn’t have to go through that.” Your gaze finally met hers, gone was her baby sister. The teen in front of her was much too mature for her age, needing to wise up after being left all alone in the world.

“I know Lee.”

My god. What had she done? Leah Williamson was sure if there was an award for being the worst sister – she would have surely won it.

[theangelbabies]

𝑫𝑬𝑨𝑳𝑬𝑹.

♡𝑻𝒐𝒎 𝑹𝒊𝒅𝒅𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕.

- summary : You give Tom all your love and loyalty but 𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌.

- warnings : toxic relationship, mentions of abuse (mostly mentally), strong language, let me know if there’s anything i missed.

Inspired by Lana del rey song.

Your relationship with Tom was quite.. interesting, but mostly destroyed and intoxicated by Toms behaviour. He was always toying with you. Playing cold and warm with you, as if he never took your relationship seriously. You never really noticed it because of your blind love for him. No matter how much you fought, he always found a way to manipulate you into thinking it was your fault.

You were always supportive of him. Always loved him even when he told you about his Dark Lord fantasies and plans. Tom on the other side was more possessive than supportive of you. You were that much into the rabbit hole, that you lost all your friends. He always controlled EVERYTHING in your life, and whenever you would talk with a boy, he would know even when he was not around.

You were sitting in the backyard, repeating your studies to your exam that you had in two hours when a year younger Ravenclaw boy tapped you on your shoulder.

“Hi, sorry for bothering you but i’m new here and i have potions now. I don’t really know where the class is and i just wanted to ask where is the classroom?” - He asked.

You turned to face him and looked around to see if there’s no one else to help him because you knew that Tom had his followers all around the school and you didn’t want to risk anymore arguments with him.. to your luck you were the only one sitting there.

“Umm, there is a really complicated way.. so i guess i can take you there..” - You replied with no enthusiasm at all. The boy noticed it and started saying that saying that it’s okay and he’ll find his way but you already risked it so you just started walking with the boy right behind you. Walking there the Ravenclaw started a few small conversation but you tried to stay silent as much as you could. All the way you could only think how fucked up it was that it’s possible that you can’t even talk or just show a boy that was younger than you a way to potions class without being paranoid about your boyfriends little slaves snitching to their lord on you. Once you were there you noticed you have enough time to get to your class, so you quickly said bye to the boy that thanked you and went to the class. The same time you turned when the boy disappeared into the classroom, Tom appeared in front of you. Great.

“Darling, care to explain.. how was that boy that you walked all the way from backyard, here?” - He said with scarily calm voice that announced anything but good.

You looked up at him with lovely, big eyes. “He was new, a grade lower and there was no one else to-“ You didn’t get to finish your explanation because Tom stared dragging you around the corner into an empty hallway. You could hear your heart beating out of your chest and eyes slightly watering. You could say you were used to it but you also knew that he IS capable of everything. Pinning you to the wall with a forceful grip on your forearm.

“Y/n don’t fucking lie to me. I knew there were people around that he could fucking ask. He saw you as pray and you fell for it. As you always do, for everyone.” - Tom argued while tightening his grip om your arm. Hot teras fell from your eyes on your flushed cheeks. You looked down shamefully with pouty lips while already sniffing.

“Why’re you crying? It’s your own fault. I told you, i showed you already what happens when you disobey me and my requests that i politely asked you to not fucking talk with any boy, yeah?” - He said with a smirk on his face. “I think i should remind you because you seem to like it.”

“Those weren’t requests, more like demands…” - You said quietly but of course Tom heard it. Suddenly he grabbed you roughly by the throat, cutting off any way for you to breathe normally.

“What was that!? You’re really that kind of whore to still argue with me when i’m trying to explain this whole thing but as always you’re making it hard.” - Tom yelled while you were sobbing, trying to catch a breath. Yet you still looked up at him with an apologetic look.

“I-i’m sor-sorry Tommy..-“

“Don’t ‘Tommy’ me right now. You’re fucking done. We’re done, don’t ever let me see you again.” …

“𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒄𝒂𝒏’𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈?” - Tom said in the final, pushing you onto the floor.

You curled yourself while catching a breath. Yet you still wanted to go after him and try to explain everything when you’re sitting there sobbing uncontrollably watching him storm away with clenched fists.

After some time of sitting there the realisation started to hitting you. You know he’s only 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒌𝒆𝒏𝒅. You know he is going to come back to you, all loving and acting like he doesn’t see the poorly concealer covered his hand bruise.

This time you wanted to promise yourself that you’re not gonna let him back in and won’t give him anything because 𝒉𝒆’𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒓, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒂𝒍𝒍 all your love, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒂𝒍𝒍 of yourself until he makes 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆. Yet you know you’re going to fall for his manipulations again, again and again. It’s like never ending cycle.

･:*+.\˚✧₊⁎❝᷀ົཽ*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'

Thats ittt!! Hoped you liked it. Sorry for any mistakes or if some parts are maybe a little confusing but it’s my first time writing any long fic. If you have any requests or fic ideas let me knoooww!!! Love yall <3

[sergeantbuckybarnes]

sweet nothing // george weasley

Summary: You’ve had a crush on George for a while, but he doesn’t seem to notice you… until he does. He can’t take his eyes off of you, and Fred can’t help but tease his brother.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Word count: 3k

Warnings: lots of fluff

A/N: As always remember English is not my first language. Thanks to @the-toad-in-your-piano​ for proofreading this!

This was requested by @little-sparklesstuff hope you like it!

main masterlist

You met Hermione last year. Even though you were in the same year, the same house, and shared some classes together, you never really had a proper conversation with the bushy-haired girl.

You both reached for the same book at the library one day, which struck up a conversation about your favorite authors. You quickly discovered you had a lot in common.

Hermione soon introduced you to Ron and Harry and the four of you became inseparable.

If asked what they liked best about you, the three of them would unanimously say your upbeat personality. You always saw the bright side of everything, which is something not everyone can say. You were generous, funny, and had a charming laugh that drew accolades.

Your friends loved having you around.

As you were sitting on one of the benches in the courtyard, you let out a loud laugh at something Ron said. Your laughter drew the attention of George, who was passing by with Fred at his side. He came to a halt and looked at you, watching as you flung back your head and laughed heartily. He felt his heart skip a beat. He’d seen you around the castle before, hanging out with his little brother and his friends, but never really paid much attention to you until now.

“Who's that?” George inquired, nodding towards you.

Fred followed his brother's gaze to the group of Gryffindors. “That's Y/N,” Fred replied. “She's been friends with Harry, Ron, and Hermione for ages.”

George couldn't take his eyes off you as you continued laughing with your friends.

“I know that look,” Fred teased, a sly grin etched on his face. “You're smitten with her.”

“Shut up, Fred.”

“You're staring so hard at her I'm worried she might catch on fire!" Fred said with a chuckle.

On the other side of the courtyard, once your laughter had died down, Hermione nudged your arm. “Looks like you've got an admirer,” she teased.

You frowned, but she gave you a subtle signal to look to your right. You turned around to see George Weasley standing in the middle of the courtyard, his gaze riveted on you. Fred, who was next to him, whispered something in his ear and he blushed furiously. George shook his head, diverting his gaze away from you and walking with his twin to his next class.

You rolled your eyes at Hermione’s remark, but you couldn't help but be flattered by George's attention. You had harbored a crush on the younger twin for months now, but you were wise enough to realize he'd never be interested in you, so you didn't get your hopes up. But now that you'd caught him looking at you, something inside of you had shifted.

George couldn't take his eyes off of you. He had been silently admiring you from across the Common Room for the past half hour. He was so absorbed in his admiration that he didn't notice when Fred approached him.

“If you keep staring at her like that, she's going to think you're a creepy stalker,” Fred teased.

George snapped out of his daydream and blushed with embarrassment. “Sorry, I got lost in thought,” he admitted.

Fred grinned mischievously. “Lost in thoughts about Y/N, huh? Don't worry, mate, I won't tell anyone.”

George rolled his eyes. “Very funny, Fred.”

Fred nudged him with his elbow. “Come on, man, just go talk to her already. You've been staring for what feels like an eternity.”

George took a deep breath and summoned up all his courage. He walked over to you, his heart racing faster than it ever had before.

“Hey,” he said softly. “What are you reading?”

You raised your head from your book and smiled at him. “Oh, hi, George! It's a romance novel.”

“Romance? Interesting,” he teased. “Well, if I may ask, what's it about?”

You giggled and held up the cover of the book so George could read it himself.

“Pride and Prejudice. It doesn’t ring a bell.”

You chuckled. “It’s a Muggle book. Hermione recommended it to me.”

“Is it any good?” George inquired.

“It’s really good. You should read it sometime,” you suggested, closing the book and placing it on the table next to you. You knew he wouldn't; George Weasley had no interest in reading. He preferred Quidditch and the pranks he and Fred played on Filch.

George smiled at you and took a seat next to you. “Maybe I will.”

You laughed. “I highly doubt that. You're not exactly a bookworm, George.”

George rolled his eyes with a playful smile. “I can be if I want to be.”

“Sure, George. You keep telling yourself that,” you said jokingly.

George's heart skipped a beat at the sound of your laugh. He couldn't help but admire you even more.

“How come this is the first time we are talking?” He dared to ask.

You shrugged. “Well, you tell me. I’ve been friends with your little brother for over a year now, you just never paid attention to me.” Even if your words pricked your heart, they were not malicious. You couldn’t blame the boy for not noticing you, but you'd be lying if you said you weren't intrigued by his sudden interest in you.

“Not very smart on my part. It’s not like me to not notice a pretty girl.”

You rolled your eyes playfully. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“Of course it is,” George said, flashing you a grin. “I mean, look at you.”

Your cheeks burned, feeling a bit flustered. “Thanks, I guess.”

“So, what do you say we get to know each other a bit better?” George asked, feeling a surge of confidence. Even if he was acting his regular lively, flirtatious self, he was still a nervous wreck around you.

You smiled. “I'd like that.”

The Great Hall buzzed with excitement as students bustled about, filling their plates with steaming hot food and chatting with their friends. Amidst the chaos, George wormed his way through the crowd, trying to catch a glimpse of you. Since that day in the Common Room, the younger twin had been trying to find any moment of the day and any excuse to spend time with you. After a few seconds, he finally spotted you at the Gryffindor table sitting with Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

Fred nudged him playfully. “There she is, go talk to her.”

Taking a deep breath, he walked towards you. “Hey, Y/N, mind if I sit here?” he asked, gesturing to the empty space next to you. He hoped his voice didn't betray his nervousness.

“Of course not, George. It's nice to have some company,” you replied, smiling warmly at him.

George settled into his seat next to you, joining in on the conversation. But his eyes kept stealing glances at you and Hermione couldn't help but notice. She nudged Ron. “Look at George. He's clearly smitten with her.”

Ron shrugged as he looked across at George and you. “I don't see it.”

In contrast, Fred, who was well aware of his twin's crush on you, decided to speak up. “Come on, Georgie, stop staring at Y/N like that. It's making everyone uncomfortable.”

George's face turned bright red with embarrassment and he quickly looked down at his food, muttering an apology.

“Don't worry about it, George,” you said, placing a hand on his arm and giving him a reassuring smile. “It's not a big deal.”

Harry and Ron exchanged confused glances, still clueless about what was going on.

Fred grinned mischievously and resolved to further embarrass his brother. “You know, Y/N, George here has been talking about you non-stop.”

You raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Is that so?”

George stammered and tried to deny it but Fred wouldn't let him off the hook. “Oh yes, he's got it bad for you.”

To George's surprise, you didn't seem put off by this at all. In fact, you smiled even wider and turned your attention solely on him.

“Really, now?” you asked, raising your eyebrows at George.

George cleared his throat, “I mean... you're just... interesting to look at.”

You chuckled. “Well, I'm glad I can provide some entertainment.”

You and Hermione were sitting on your bed in your shared dormitory. Hermione had a serious look on her face while you fidgeted nervously with the edge of your blanket.

“You have to listen to me, Y/N,” Hermione said firmly. “George likes you. I've seen the way he looks at you.”

You shrugged. “I haven’t noticed.”

“Don't be silly, Y/N. It's so obvious. He smiles whenever you're around, and he always finds a way to be close to you.”

“You think so?” you asked, your heart racing.

“Yes, I do. And I think you should do something about it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, don't just sit around and wait for him to make a move. You should talk to him.”

You wanted to believe Hermione’s words. You really wanted to. But you had been harboring a crush on George for a while now. He barely had acknowledged your existence until two months ago and you were still unsure what provoked the sudden attention.

So many things were happening at the same time. You had a fragile heart, and you didn’t want it to be broken by making up things in your head. Yes, you had noticed George’s lingering stares, and you were pretty aware of the compliments he gave you, but that was just George being George. He was just flirty. You didn’t think any of it.

“He's never given me any indication that he likes me in a romantic way,” you argued, still unsure of what to believe.

“You don't need him to come outright and confess his feelings to you. Sometimes actions speak louder than words,” Hermione replied, crossing her arms.

You sighed deeply, thinking about what Hermione had just said. “I guess you have a point,” you said finally, looking up at your friend, “But what if I'm wrong and it turns out he doesn't like me? I don’t want to get my hopes up.”

“That's a risk worth taking, don't you think?” Hermione said with a warm smile. “You’d never know unless you try.”

George had been rehearsing his words in his head for the past few days, trying to find the perfect way to ask you to go to the Yule Ball with him. But every time he tried to work up the courage, his nerves got the best of him. When he saw you walking down the hall, your books clutched to your chest, his palms began to sweat and his heart raced. He knew it was now or never.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said, trying to sound calm but feeling a lump forming in his throat.

“Oh, hey, George!” You smiled at him and he felt his knees buckle.

George fidgeted with his hands. “I was wondering... um... you know the Yule Ball is coming up and I was wondering if... if you would like to go with me?” he stuttered, feeling like he was going to pass out any minute.

Your face lit up, and you could feel your heart beating so fast in your chest.

Was Hermione right? Did George like you?

You were hoping he would ask. The conversation with Hermione had given you hope— hope that you may have a chance with him. You had even turned down two Hufflepuff boys who had asked you a few days before because you wanted George to ask you.

If the dance had taken place last year, you would not have considered the possibility of George asking you. Never in a million years. But you had caught his attention, and now it was happening, George Weasley was right in front of you, asking you to be his date to the Christmas Ball, and you were so overjoyed that you felt as if you were touching the sky with your bare hands.

“I’d love to go with you, George!”

George let out a sigh of relief and smiled, feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. “Great!” he exclaimed. “I was so nervous to ask you," he admitted, feeling embarrassed.

“Don't be silly, George. You're a great guy. There's no one else I'd rather go with than you.” You grinned at him, and he felt his heart swell with happiness.

George had never considered himself to be a lucky person. But that moment, as you strolled down the corridor together, he felt he was the luckiest bloke in the whole Wizarding World. He couldn't keep his eyes off from you, admiring every line of your features. You were beyond gorgeous. He chastised himself for failing to notice earlier. His thoughts turned to the Yule Ball; he has never been a big dancer, but he would be lying if he claimed he wasn't looking forward to it.

He knew it was going to be a memorable night. And, if he played his cards correctly, that night could be the start of much more.

George stood by the fireplace in the Gryffindor Common Room, tapping his foot anxiously on the rug. The Yule Ball's night had finally arrived. He had been patiently waiting for you to come down from your dormitory. He still couldn't believe how lucky he was to be going to the ball with you.

He finally turned around when he heard footsteps on the stairs and saw you descending. You looked stunning in your silver gown that glistened in the light. George’s heart skipped a beat and couldn't help but gape at you.

“What?” you asked.

“You look… incredible,” George stammered.

You flushed, feeling your heart race at the compliment. “Thank you, George,” you said, smiling shyly. “You look pretty handsome yourself.”

“So, are you ready for tonight?” George asked, clearing his throat, trying to push his anxieties away.

“I think so,” you said. “I'm a little nervous, though.”

“Why?”

“I just don't want to embarrass myself on the dance floor.”

"You won't,” George assured you. "And if you do, we can always blame it on me.”

The Great Hall had been transformed into a winter wonderland for the Yule Ball. The enchanted ceiling twinkled like a starry sky, casting an ethereal glow on the dance floor.

“May I have this dance?” George asked, holding out his hand.

You just smiled and clasped his hand in yours. You laid your head on George's shoulder as he wrapped his arms around your waist. You swayed softly to the beat of the music.

As you danced, George felt an overwhelming sense of joy and contentment. This was where he belonged: with you by his side.

Suddenly, Fred appeared out of nowhere, wearing a mischievous grin on his face. “I just wanted to say hello to my favorite couple,” he said slyly, winking at you.

You giggled nervously, feeling your cheeks grow even hotter. As Fred disappeared back into the crowd, George drew you closer to him.

“You know he's just teasing you right?” he said reassuringly.

You smiled up at him. “I know.”

As you continued dancing together, George leaned in close and said, “You know, I've been thinking a lot about us lately.”

Your heart raced with anticipation, wondering where this conversation was headed. “What have you been thinking about?” you softly inquired.

George nodded and took a deep breath before continuing. “I know we've only really known each other for a few months, and that you’re my brother’s friend, but I can't help how I feel whenever I'm around you.”

“And how do you feel?” you asked, your voice gentle.

George's heart was pounding in his chest as he spoke. “I feel like I can't breathe when I'm not with you. You make me laugh, you make me happy, and I just feel this overwhelming sense of... something. Something that I haven't felt with anyone else before.”

Your heart swelled with warmth and happiness as you listened to George pour his heart out. Hearing him utter things you never thought you'd hear him say, at least not directed at you.

“I like you too, George. I've been trying to hide it, but I can't help the way I feel around you either.”

George's heart leapt with joy at your words. “Really?”

You nodded and he smiled wider.

You continued dancing, holding onto each other closely as you enjoyed the night together. It was a moment you would always cherish.

You and George walked through the winding corridors of Hogwarts, your hands tightly intertwined. As you approached the portrait of the Fat Lady, she swung open upon seeing you.

“Welcome back, lovebirds,” she sang out.

The Gryffindor Common Room was quiet. Most of the students had already retired to their dormitories. The only sound was the crackling of the fireplace.

“Thanks for such an amazing night, George,” you said, beaming at him.

“It was my pleasure,” George replied, his face splitting into a goofy grin.

There was a moment of silence as you stared at each other, unsure of what to say next. Feeling bold, you leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his warm lips before turning away towards the stairs leading to your dormitory. As you headed up the stairs, you turned back and winked at him playfully.

“Sweet dreams, Georgie.”

George stood there rooted to the spot with beet-red cheeks and an ear-to-ear grin on his face, still trying to wrap his mind around what had just happened. He felt like he was walking on air as he made his way up to his dormitory.

As he lay down on his bed with a goofy grin still plastered across his face, Fred turned over from his own bed to face him.

“So?” Fred asked with a mischievous glint in his eye. “How'd it go?”

George chuckled softly to himself before winking at Fred and replied, “I'm pretty sure I'm officially whipped.”

Fred laughed out loud before falling back onto his pillow as George smiled dreamily into the darkness around them, feeling like he had finally found magic beyond measure: love.

[lawliet-ryuzaki-ryuga]

The Hunt

Shouma Toriashi X reader ( chapter 1)

Word count: 1163

TW: not really just so strong language…

Summary: life as we know it can change in an instant, and so do feelings and the people you meet.

MASTERLIST

chapter 2

A/N: HEY GUYS this is just a small project I wanted to start! I just got done reading the manga so I’m going to re-read it and hopefully I can better depict the characters better!! I HOPE YOU ENJOY ( p.s. DONT WORRY IM GOING TO HOP BACK ONTO MY OLD STORIES OF L AND LEVI! )

It was another day of school and homework on homework that’s been passed out.. I never understood why they bombard us like we don’t have other classes to work on.i look over to see Yoshino already walking towards my desk, with that I sit up straight ready to hear what she has to say .

“ hey Y/N do you want to come over? Shouma and I are going to study together?” Yoshino asks while putting both her palms flat against my desk and looks down at me.

“ oh yeah sure..” I nod in agreement. Behind me is shouma but he’s usually in his own world .

“Great, well I guess this is where we part ways, we’ll meet at the school entrance after this period.” With a firm nod Yoshino walks away and out of the once shared classroom we had. I stare at the class room door watch as students walk out together all looking the same as the other. Ever since I was younger I saw majority of everyone the same. Bland and simple, each face the same as the last.

At first glance people might look at us and think what an Odd group, then again we are really only each others friends. But it was for the first time that I saw people. I saw character in both Yoshino and Shouma. Deep in thought I shake out of it, and With that I get up and gather my things getting ready for the next class, physical education.

Oh how I dreaded that class, simply because it’s where both shouma and I lose our cool.

“ Hey” you kick Shouma’s chair to grab his attention. “ get up before we miss our last class.” With a look that could kill Shouma glared at me but gets up to follow.

I finally changed into the PE outfit but as always the bottoms are just too short. “ are you kidding Me I literally got then in a bigger size to hopefully be longer!! CURSE YOU ABNORMALLY LONG LEGS!”

You and Yoshino are one of the tallest girls in your class, in the whole school in fact and everything you’ve come to wear has always been an issue with length. With a sigh I muster up the courage to leave the changing room, and to my disappointment none other than Toriashi Shouma is waiting outside the female dressing room.

“Couldn’t find any shorter shorts Y/N?”

“Shut up Toriashi, these are the longest pair I have.” I huff walking away from him.

Today was a game of volleyball, not my favorite but one that i can stand. That is until I found out Shouma is on my team! Ugh I swear if I lose because of him, he’s dead meat.

“ better not fuck this up Shouma.”

“ Don’t worry, maybe if you had a bigger ass I’d be distracted.”

How dare he… that’s it he’s dead. I try to ignore his comment and walk to my center position like the team agreed on, waiting for the game to start.

During the whole game I could feel someone’s eyes on me, analyzing every movement. I should be used to it, considering being friends with Yoshino, she has hundreds of eyes watching her every move anytime we go out in public. But this gaze is different .. much different.

As the game continues on, And like always Shouma and I are fighting for dominance on our side of the court.

“ you idiot, I said it was mine! Why did you jump forward!”

“ because it was clearly in my side Y/N”

“ no it was not Shouma and you know it! You did it on purpose, there was no reason for you to be that close to my back!”

Mid game while we were taking the 3 min break trying to switch sides of the court, Shouma comes up wrapping something around my hips.

“ what are you doing?” I look down at what’s around my hips and up to the person who’s hands are tying The Jacket into a knot.

“ just keep it on”

“ Shouma you’re supposed to keep your arms covered” I whisper yell at him, I swear he never used his brain.

“Just keep it on.” He mumbles before walking away, with a sigh I just brush it off and try to focus on the game. Shouma has always been so annoying like my brother. Always trying to boss me around and oh does it make my blood boil. What makes me more upset is i always try my best to make sure he’s always covered at all times and no tattoos peak through, but he just doesn’t care.

The game finally ends and I walk up to him ready to hand him his jacket back.

“ here take it ba—.”

“ I said keep it on Y/A.”

“ the game is over, I’m giving it back to you now.”

“ No, go change, once you are changed you can give it back.” He grabs the sleeves of the jacket and ties it back firmly around my hips. I’ll be damned if he thinks I’m just going to listen to him.

“ I said take your damn jacket bastard!” I untie the jacket and chunk it at him and walk away back into the changing room. This man infuriates me, it’s not like I wasn’t Thankful but I will not be bossed around, especially by him! Who does he think he is , my father?

I quickly change out of my outfit and back to my regular uniform once I’m showered and clean. With that I grab my bag and belongings and walk out the changing room, that is until I see what looks like a fight about to happen.

“ Keep your eyes and comments to yourself.” Shouma is holding one of our male classmates against a wall. I can only imagine why this is happening.

“ Shouma that’s enough, let's go.” I grab his other hand that was free and pull him away from the poor boy. The thing about Shouma, he’s well behaved for the most part, but there are times where he’s a ticking time bomb.

“ This is why I tell you to cover up your tattoos, if you don’t want people looking Listen to me.”

“ and the next time I tell you to keep the jacket ,listen to me. There won’t be a next time actually, next time you’re wearing my jogging pants.” He fights back with an attitude in his tone.

“ Like hell I am, they are too big on me.”

“ i don’t care.”

“ I’m not going to wear them, focus on covering your tattoos and stop focusing on me.” I bite back with the same attitude.

“ and rather they focus on my tattoos and not on your whole legs!”

“ Hey, what’s going on guys? You guys can be heard miles away.” Yashino walks up to where I and Shouma are standing .

“ He’s blaming me that my shorts are too short. That’s what he’s complaining about Yashino .”

“ Excuse me ? Shouma do you think we want to be this tall where nothing fits!” Yoshino jumps into the argument.

“ I’m not blaming anyone, both you and Y/N need to just wear pants instead during physical education.” Shouma closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

“ you don’t tell us what to do!” Both Yoshino and I yell in unison.

“ you know what… I don’t give a fuck , lets just go home for fuck sakes.” Shouma pushed through, leading the way back to both him and Yoshino’s place.

[beegomess]

Dark Paradise | Theodore Nott

Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated 🫶🏼

01. Invisible Flirts

The music was loud, and there was a lot of noise from some students around Matthew, who was trying to down an entire bottle of Firewhisky. Pansy and Y/N had drinks in hand when they threw themselves onto the dark couch next to Draco and Blaise.

Draco and Zabini were sharing a joint when the blond offered it to the sister sitting next to Pansy.

— You’re a terrible brother, you know that? — Y/N had a smile as she reached out to take it between her fingers and took a drag.

— Imagine if our father saw you now? — Everyone burst into laughter; Draco and Blaise couldn’t stop laughing, considering their eyes were already extremely red.

— What are you guys laughing so much about? — Nott approached and sat in an armchair in front of his friends.

— You missed the big joke Draco told about what it would be like if your father saw them now. — Pansy said, emphasizing that it wasn’t really funny, just that they were very high. — Where have you been anyway? I haven’t seen you all night. — Parkinson hinted.

— Around. — Nott answered simply and noticed the attention he was getting from Y/N’s eyes while she took another drag of her cigarette. Theodore didn’t look away from Y/N, which would normally make her look away from him, but in her current state, embarrassment was not an issue. However, both their faces were expressionless, revealing nothing about each other.

Y/N only looked away when she saw Astoria Greengrass, a year younger than Daphne, making out with Adrian Pucey in the middle of the party. Daphne walked past the two and made a face of disgust, making Pansy and Y/N laugh. Pansy glanced to see that Theodore still hadn’t looked away from Y/N.

— What’s her plan this time? — Pansy asked Daphne, who was sitting on the coffee table between the sofas, turning her back to Theodore.

— According to her, the plan is to hook up with someone from Draco’s social circle and get closer to Y/N. — Daphne rolled her eyes as she spoke, and everyone began to pay attention, letting out small laughs.

— Is she really getting close to me just out of interest? — Y/N put her right hand on her chest, pretending to be offended by the revelation.

— Yes, but she always talks about how she thinks you’re pretty and that she wanted to be friends with you too. — Daphne said with irony, somewhat coldly as she laughed at her sister.

— Oh Merlin, she thinks like she’s five years old. — Theodore added, drawing everyone’s attention to him quickly.

— Well, I’m sure you didn’t mention that Pucey was once one of the lucky ones Y/N got physically involved with. — Pansy said, expecting a response from Daphne.

— Believe me, I did. — Y/N looked incredulous. — That’s why he was the chosen one for the night. — The three girls burst into laughter.

— Good to know you’re passing along things about my private life. — Y/N said playfully, as she didn’t really mind the situation.

However, Theodore, who was paying more attention to the conversation, just drank his drink, without laughing or reacting to it. He was only thinking about how Y/N managed to silence Adrian so he wouldn’t spread to everyone that he was with the most popular and desired girl at Hogwarts.

[...]

At breakfast, all the friends had a clear expression of exhaustion from the previous night. It was certainly not a good idea to have parties before a day of classes.

— Good morning. — Astoria approached the group cheerfully but didn’t receive the same enthusiasm.

— Shh, no need to shout, Greengrass. — Blaise had his eyes squinted due to the light in the Great Hall. He was exaggerating; the girl spoke normally, but he seemed too sensitive.

— Sorry. — She shrugged. — I just thought I’d invite you to go dress shopping tomorrow for the winter ball next week. — Y/N, Pansy, and Daphne exchanged glances, remembering the girl's plan to get closer to them, even though she already had friends in her year. — Adrian invited me yesterday to go with him, and I accepted.

— Now, if he remembers that, that’s another thing. — Matthew, who was next to Y/N, spoke quietly and laughed. He immediately received an elbow from Y/N.

— Ouch!

— Sorry, but my mother already sent me a dress for the ball. — Y/N said gently.

— Oh, and who are you going with? — The girl seemed to no longer care about the description. Everyone in the hall fell silent, waiting for Draco’s sister’s answer. Y/N felt the pressure; she knew that if she said she was going alone, her week would be full of boys chasing her, and under the pressure of the moment, she needed to think quickly.

— I’m going with Theodore, aren’t I, Theodore? — Her answer echoing throughout the hall made the eyes widen. Nott looked up, somewhat surprised, until she nudged his leg from under the table, making him clear his throat with the contact.

— Yes... Yes, we’re going together. — All the friends looked at them in confusion. Draco had his eyebrows furrowed; they had never been close, and now they were going to the ball together?

— Enough with the interrogation! — Daphne said, giving her sister a fierce look. — Don’t you have a class now?

Everyone continued with breakfast after the younger Greengrass left. Pansy wouldn’t have the next class with Y/N but made a mental note to ask her about this news. She wondered if something was going on between them; she wouldn’t be surprised. Y/N always knew how to hide her affairs very well.

Y/N, however, tried to sit next to Theodore in Potions class, but when she arrived, there was already a Hufflepuff sitting next to him. Y/N mentally cursed herself for not hurrying at breakfast. Theodore was very handsome and never lacked options for girls, and now, close to the ball, all of them were throwing themselves at him, even though they had heard minutes ago about him being Y/N Malfoy’s date.

The girl sat at the table behind him and decided to pass him a folded note while everyone began taking notes from the board.

"Thanks for this morning; if I told the truth, I wouldn’t be at peace this week. I hope I haven’t ruined any of your invitations to other girls; in fact, I’ll see someone else to go with me today, I promise."

Theodore took the note and smiled slightly as he read, the girl next to him seemed to try to stretch to read his reply.

"Don’t worry, I didn’t have anyone in mind to bring either. We can go together if you want..."

Y/N took the folded piece of parchment from her side of the table and smiled as well at the reply.

"Although I don’t believe that Theodore Nott, so acclaimed among the girls, doesn’t have any prospects, I accept to go with you."

And again, the few words made him smile, responding with one last thing.

"I’m pleased to know about my fame among you."

Y/N laughed at the response, drawing attention in the silent room.

— Am I interrupting something, Miss Malfoy? — Snape looked coldly at her, making her immediately stop smiling.

— Oh, no. Sorry, professor. — And then, quickly, he went back to teaching.

Throughout the rest of the day, Y/N felt strange. His gaze was still extremely indecipherable to her, but it attracted her more and more. In recent months, their glances seemed to have increased in frequency. Sometimes, they would catch each other looking. Y/N felt Nott observing her while she read in the common room late at night. It was her ritual to always read a bit when the common room was empty; she liked to enjoy the silence, but when Theodore noticed the habit, he started to "accidentally" find her there day after day.

"If I didn’t know you, I’d say you were following me." Y/N said, smiling at him one night. Theodore could say it was the first time he felt truly nervous around a girl, but he maintained his composure and just smiled, staying there in silence while watching her hands turn the pages.

— And what’s this about you going to the ball with Nott? — Pansy asked, putting on a pair of socks before getting into bed.

— Good point, Pans. — Daphne turned from the vanity where she was applying products to her face. — So, Y/N?

— It was just to throw off the other boys. — She said without taking her eyes off the book.

— So, you’re not really going with him? — Pansy insisted.

— I am; we’re short on dates and decided to leave it that way. — Y/N continued scanning the words on the page.

— You and Nott? Short on dates for a ball? — Y/N nodded, pretending indifference. — Hmm, right, I see. — Pansy said with a mischievous smile, hinting at something that Y/N chose to ignore, as Parkinson often did this just by talking to another boy.

_______________________________

xoxo, bee🫶🏼✨ next chapter>>>

[ghouljams]

how does one become free of insecurity? i’m already doing therapy but i feel i’ve only moved away from hating myself so much i want to d*e into just thinking everyone’s better than me

It's a long journey, but well worth it.

I don't think anyone is ever truly free of insecurity, but I think there's also a lot that is unpacked simply through the language we use to describe ourselves and the jokes we allow other people to make at our expense.

Therapy is great at helping you deal with the big feelings, but sometimes little things get caught in your head and it's hard to shake them. Here are some things that I do to keep myself feeling good, and also some things that I'm working on:

No suicide jokes. I make it a point never to joke about "oh I'll just kill myself" or anything like that because ultimately it just makes me feel worse and nobody finds it funny. It's also a good way to change your thinking and direct your solution brain away from "I'll just end things when shit gets hard." This one is a constant battle.

I compliment myself whenever I have the chance. I take every compliment someone gives me. I pretend to be vapid and self-absorbed. I make kissy faces at myself in the mirror. I tell other people how pretty I am, and I don't fucking care if they think I'm a stupid bimbo because I'm trying to love myself and that's more important.

Being kinder to my younger self. This one feels weird but I found myself being mean to little Ghoul when I was really sad. It feels easy to take out your anger on a kid that didn't know any better, and it doesn't guilt you because that's you that you're hating. But look. You were just a kid. You weren't stupid or ugly or unlovable or evil, you were a kid. I just caught myself calling my teenage self ugly the other day on my way to visit my mom and I had to stop and go "why am I saying this? I was just a kid." And it made me cry a li'l bit ngl, but if felt... idk it felt good in a way.

Don't let fucking anyone tell you, you're not worth it. Does your friend make jokes about how dumb you are? Or how you're so cringey? Or so embarrassing or bad at something or forgetful or WHATEVER? Yeah, fuck that noise. Tell them to stop doing that. Tell them it hurts your feelings and if they still don't stop they aren't your friend, they're your bully. I fucking hate bullies. Don't let anyone talk down to you, I don't care if it was a joke at first, it's not funny anymore. Fuck them.

This is something I'm working on, but when you start fixing one insecurity another will probably pop up. I've been working for a long time on liking how I look, and it's gone really well. But now I'm insecure about my intelligence. So I have to stop myself from calling myself stupid or not answering questions. I just fucking rocked my work trivia party, and Mr. Ghoul thinks I'm smart, so I just gotta keep track of my wins. Sometimes you realize that making yourself secure in one thing makes you insecure about another, but that's ok! There's a learning curve to all of this.

Everyone thinks everyone else is better than them. You don't have to be the best at everything, you don't even have to be the best at one thing! What's important is that you're doing your best. People notice when you're working hard, even if you're not churning out the best product because it means you care about it. Which brings me to

Done is better than perfect. Sure it would be great if you were God's most specialist soldier, but think about how much work that would be! Ok so you're not the world's best knitter, but the scarf you made your friend is their favorite scarf anyway because you made it. So you're not a world class writer, but you had a story in your head and you wrote it down. That's better than it never being written at all. Also just because you think it's bad doesn't mean other people won't think it's a masterpiece. Hell, half of the fics I wrote when I first started this blog I could write better now but that doesn't make them bad, it just means I've gotten better.

We as humans are constantly improving and evolving. Don't let who you are no stop you from striving towards who you'll be in the future. Taking one step down the path towards loving yourself is better than giving up and hating yourself forever. It's slow going, but man I've been doing this shit for a decade and I'm so much happier than I was at 18.

You might think that the more you improve the harder and faller you'll fall back to the bottom, but the lows don't get that low again. You're doing great. I'm proud of you.

[aprocessionofthoughts]

Meet My Clone Sister

ectoberweek24 day 6- two sentence tw- none summary- the Hogwarts trio meets Ellie

masterlist ao3 part 2 of CvH

They had been in Amity a week and everything still seemed extremely weird. And it wasn’t just the classes. It was also the fact that they used electricity and other muggle tech. And all around the town there were signs of magic. It was so strange to see signs of magic in what looked like a muggle environment. 

Harry kept waiting for aurors to show up to obliviate everyone.

And the classes taught at Casper made him and Ron uncomfortable, and Hermione was always bordering on arguing about the content. Harry didn’t struggle as much. He hadn’t grown up believing blood magic and necromancy were evil like Ron, and he hadn’t delved into studying all things about British magical history like Hermione.

But of course, Harry’s life was never simple.

“Is that your sister?” Harry asked, pointing to a girl who looked about two years younger than Danny, although they looked like they could be twins. They were at lunch and Harry was trying not to think too hard about what was in the food. He definitely preferred Hogwarts meals. He had seen the girl before and been curious. 

“Ellie? No. She’s my clone sister.”

“What?” Hermione asked, dropping her spoon.

“Oh yeah. There’s this creep that wants to kill my dad, marry my mom, and take me as his son. Since we kept refusing he tried to clone me.” Danny smiled at his…sister. She waved at them, coming over.

“Hey, I’m Ellie. You guys are the visitors from the weird magic school, right?” she plopped down on the seat next to Danny, reaching over to steal one of his fries.

“And you’re a clone?” Hermione said, her eyes flickering between Danny and Ellie.

“Yup.” she said, stealing another fry from Danny. 

“What’s a clone?” Ron asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

Hermione stared at him. 

“Well, you see,” Ellie started, and Danny snorted, “when a Fruitloop is so obsessed with having another woman’s son as his own, he takes some of his DNA, and makes a baby, that he then grows with magic till they’re about the right age, then he tells them that they’re meant to replace the original, but they’re too smart and decide they’d rather be the original’s sister, and they both beat up the Fruitloop.”

Harry stared at her incredulously. Beside him he could see Ron gaping, and Hermione opening and closing his mouth.

Across from them Danny rolled his eyes while Tucker and Sam laughed.

“That’s not quite how it happened.” Danny said. “But basically yeah.”

“You have a Dark Lord?” Hermione finally managed to say.

“He wishes he was a Dark Lord.” Danny said, chuckling.

“What even is a Dark Lord anywary.” Sam said, rolling her eyes. “Is it just someone who does magic you don’t agree with? What is it that makes someone a Dark Lord, and who gets to decide?”

“Sam,” Tucker interrupted, “let’s not get philosophical again.”

She huffed and crossed her arms but fell quiet.

“Besides, Vlad’s a Fruitloop, not a Dark Lord.” Danny said, rolling his eyes.

Hermione looked like she wanted to argue about the Dark Lord thing, but Ron elbowed her in the side. She glared at him, but picked up her spoon and angrily started eating again.

Harry decided to redirect the conversation. “So, why don’t you have Defense Against the Dark Arts?”

“What’s really considered dark?” Sam started, but Tucker spoke up quickly.

“I think we cover the same basic concepts when it comes to spellcrafting. And there’s classes on the different magical races–”

“The people you classify as creatures.” Sam interrupted, glaring.

Tucker continued as if she hadn’t spoken, which was probably for the best. “and their history and traditions. But that’s more of a social class. It’s still a required gen ed so we can be more aware of each other.”

“Really?” Hermione asked, sounding interested. “I wish they taught that at Hogwarts.”

Sam opened her mouth, probably to make another controversial comment, But Danny spoke over her.

“You can probably buy the textbooks to take back with you when you leave at the end of the semester.”

Harry relaxed, glad that it didn’t look like they’d be getting into another debate.

This was a strange place. But he was eager to learn more about magic, even if it was different than Hogwarts.

[yunhoee]

Summary: The year is 2031, and y/n is looking for a fresh start on her vacation with her sister. 3 months post breakup, and she's ready to stop wallowing. Korea has been a dream location for y/n for years, she is excited for all the sightseeing and food! Her sister has other plans, when she suggests attending a certain someone's charity birthday event.

Pairing: idol!Seonghwa x corporate!reader

Genre: fluff, romance, angst, seonghwa x reader, ateez ensemble

Length: 8,947 words

Author’s Note: I’m not sure yet if this fic will have smut! Once that has been figured out, I will update the tags if I need to :) I hope you enjoy! I don’t have a proofreader, so I apologize if there are any errors!

You jolt awake to the sound of your airplane pilot asking everyone to remain seated, because the plane will be landing soon. It takes you a few minutes to figure out where the fuck you are. You decided to take sleeping medicine since flying isn’t your favorite. The last thing you remember is the flight attendants making your bed. You are an established 35 year old, so the first class seats on a long ass flight were much needed.

Ten minutes later, you’re situated and looking out the window. You peek to the seat next to you, to see your younger sister somehow still asleep. It’s her 21st birthday, and you both are finally going on the trip you’ve been trying to make happen for years now. You gently wake her up so that the seat can be upright. She has the same look on her face that you did, so you leave her alone until she’s more awake.

So what exactly is this trip you’re on? Well it’s you and your sister’s dream trip to Korea. You’ve been promising your sister a trip together to Korea since she graduated high school, but could never get the timing right and here you are in 2031, finally making it happen. Over the years, you both have formed a love for Korea through k-pop, k-dramas, and food. It was exciting to be going to all these places you’ve been dreaming of seeing for years. You weren’t into k-pop as much anymore, but still had your favorites of course. You love to travel so knowing you’re about to land in Korea feels surreal.

“Oh my god, Y/n! I can’t believe we are about to land!” Your sister whispers excitedly.

You smile back at her, “Me either!”

You both watch the window in excitement during the landing process. You will be in Korea for at least the next two weeks. Your first stop and most likely home base is Seoul, but you both plan on going to as many different cities as you can.

A few hours later

Your sister pushed open the hotel room door, “Damn, Y/n! You rolled out the red carpet for me. This room is huge!”

You laugh and respond, “Well we’ve been trying to make this happen for so long, and we don’t get to travel together often so I wanted it to be special. My new promotion didn’t hurt either.”

You both laugh as you’re taking in the room, and the views from the room. You’ve spent the last decade climbing the corporate ladder, it all feels worth it in moments like this. Being able to have no budget on this trip and spoil your sister rotten, what’s better than that?

“Em, do you mind if I take the first shower?” You asked as you started gathering your shower things.

Emma responds, “You’re good! I need to rest and eat my snacks for a little bit!”

You smile and nod. The bathroom is honestly luxurious. You spent a few minutes just looking around. The shower is huge, and the water feels amazing. After taking an extra long and boiling hot shower, you’re at least feeling somewhat more human. Walking back into the room, you find your sister frantically speaking Korean on the phone with one of her friends. You just smile and lay in your bed, assuming it’s just something about her friends.

Emma is in the fall semester of her third year of college. She is also minoring in Korean, which is partially why we are here. We planned a few grad school visits, just to see if she is interested in them. But her being fluent in Korean is so helpful for this trip. You’ve always been the older sister, the second mom to Emma. Now that you’re in a new country where only Emma speaks the language fluently, it’ll be nice to take the back seat to some things.

Honestly this trip for you is a break from life altogether. You’ve been crushing it at work, as usual, but went through a pretty nasty breakup almost 3 months ago. It was definitely one of those moments where you felt as if you had to start all over again. You thought your ex of 5 years was going to be your husband. He got scared of how serious things were getting, and decided to cheat. So yeah. This trip is the start of your new life. The last 3 months have been filled with unimaginable grief and hurt, but you were done crying. Your ex making things official with his mistress was exactly what you needed to make this trip happen.

As you’re mindlessly scrolling on social media, you hear your sister end the call with her friend. She comes over and sits on the bed, and you can tell something is up just by the look on her face.

“What?” You ask in an exaggerated tone.

Emma puts on a smile and the most charm she can muster, “Thank you so much for bringing me on this trip, y/n! I love you so much and I’m so excited to start our adventures together.”

You’re completely confused now, “What the hell did you do, Em? I’m so excited for us too, but why are you acting suspicious as fuck right now?”

Emma responds, “Nothing! I’m just really excited for our adventure to get started, so I made plans for us tonight!”

Y/n’s mouth drops open, “Tonight?! EM! Are you crazy? We just had an almost 20 hour travel day! Look I know you’re young, but I can’t do the same things you can. I’m 35! I need my sleep.”

Emma looks dejected, “I’m sorry. I was just really excited, and my friend was able to get us tickets to this event tonight. It’s going to be really cool, lots of celebrities too. My friend works for the company, so it’s a really cool opportunity.”

Y/n grabs Emma’s hand, “I’m sorry if I came off aggressive, I was just surprised. You should totally go, Em! What a cool opportunity for you! I wonder if you could even network.” Y/n finished talking, but is now lost in thought trying to figure out how to give her sister tips on how to network.

Em squeezes your hand, “Hey. No work talk on this trip okay? I have barely seen you because of work the last 3 months. You haven’t been slick.” She pokes your side.

Y/n smiles, “Yeah because of the breakup, I kind of turned into a workaholic. But no more! I’m starting brand new on this trip. –About earlier, please go? Can you go with your friend? I would hate for you to miss something like this because I’m too tired.”

Emma responds as she’s standing up from your bed, “Oh I suppose I can just go with my friend. But you didn’t even let me tell you who’s at the party. Or I guess who the party is for.”

You quirk your eyebrow, “Who’s the party for?”

Emma smiles deviously, “Park Seonghwa.”

You immediately freeze. Surely Emma isn’t talking about the Seonghwa from ATEEZ. They’ve been doing things as a group here and there, mainly in Korea. After their military service, they’ve been slow to return to their previous schedule. Which you were happy with, they deserve a break. Coming to Korea, you hadn’t even thought of the chance of getting to go to one of their events. They have always been your ult group, but it’s definitely slowed down since their hiatus, and your life getting busy. Your ex hated ateez, but especially hated Seonghwa. Honestly, a huge red flag you simply ignored.

Y/n sighs, “Is this like a public event? I don’t want to be creepy and just show up to a closed event.”

Emma sits on the bed next to you, “So it’s Seonghwa’s birthday, but he wanted to make it a charity event. Hence the tickets. It’s actually a really big event, since it’s the first one KQ has put on in a while. There will be a handful of different organizations there, and all the proceeds from tonight will be split amongst the groups!”

You smile, “Wow. That doesn’t surprise me, they’ve always been generous.”

Emma responds, “There’s going to be a bunch of different fun activities. Lot’s of KQ staff, atiny’s, and just people who support Seonghwa and ateez. My friend who works there said the members would love it if fans came too.”

Y/n is in disbelief, “Your friend works for KQ? Damn Emma, that's crazy.”

Emma chuckles, “Minoring in the Korean language helps. I did a project on KQ last year, and my friend was just an intern at the time. Now she’s a full-time employee! I’m so excited to finally meet her in person. But I told her all about your situation, and how you’d be hesitant to come. She wanted me to tell you that Seonghwa is really excited at the thought of seeing international atiny again, since it’s been a few years since they’ve performed outside of Korea.”

Y/n thinks for a moment and sighs, “So I guess I’m going tonight?”

Emma squeals, “Yes!!! You won’t regret it! I really think tonight is going to be a lot of fun! And you’ll get to see ateez members again!”

You groan and pull the covers up, “So what do we wear? I’m barely functioning right now, so I’m going to need your help.”

Emma jumps right up, “I’m on it! You can just rest until it’s time to get ready.”

You hum in response and immediately fall asleep.

You awaken to Emma shaking you awake.

“Oh my god I started to think you were dead. Get up, we need to get you ready! We leave in an hour and a half.” Emma pulls on your arm and helps you stand. To be honest, the jet lag was hitting hard. Everything currently didn’t feel real. You just knew you needed to move.

Emma was able to get you into a chair in the bathroom. She starts brushing and straightening, as you try to come back to reality by going through social media. A coffee and thirty minutes later, you were in a much better place.

Emma sighs in relief, “There. All straight. I’ll get your dress and accessories all set up! Come out once you’re done with makeup.”

You grab her arm and smile, “Thank you. I literally couldn’t have done this without you. And oh my god!! You look so cute! I was so out of it, I’m so sorry I didn’t notice!”

Emma smiles at her sister and spins to show her the full outfit. After more compliments, Emma is begging you to start makeup because time is running short.”

You giggle and start going through your makeup bag. You weren’t sure what dress Emma picked out, so you just went with your normal makeup routine. Adding extra things here and there, since this is a big event.

Emma peeks her head in, “You look hot! My one request is that you have a red lip! It will be perfect with your dress.” She’s gone before you can respond.

You shrug and start digging in your bag for your red lipstick.

A few minutes later, you’re walking out to see what Emma picked out for you. The second you see the dress you protest.

“Isn’t this a charity event? I packed this dress in case you forced me to go clubbing.” Y/n crosses her arms.

Emma puts her hands up, “Hey, you can’t be mad at me for trying.”

You both are laughing as she gets out her option b dress. She pulls out a strappy a-line black dress. It was mid-length with a slit in the side, but it hugged every curve. Your cleavage is on full display.

Y/n looks at her sister horrified, “You don’t think this is too much” as she gestures to her chest.

Emma shakes her head, “You’ll definitely get some stares, but we’ll cover up on the train. I already asked my friend, and she said there’s no problem with showing some skin! They’ll know we’re foreigners anyway.”

You look in the mirror again. You can’t deny that you look hot, adding red lipstick was definitely the move. Emma and y/n move around the room gathering their purses and making sure they aren’t forgetting anything. One of your straps has already fallen twice, it’s beautiful but a pain in the ass. Your sister hands you your coverup for the train, and you both rush out the door.

As you’re walking you ask, “So where is this happening?”

Emma responds, “They rented out an event center like ten minutes away from here. Nari, my friend who works at KQ, already gave me directions so we’ll be good. She’s going to be watching for us as well!”

“Wow how generous of her. Are you two pretty close?” Y/n asks.

Your sister smiles, “Yeah we’ve been online friends for almost three years now! I can’t wait to finally meet her.”

Y/n smiles back at her sister, and the two of you walk to the train in comfortable silence. You both are admiring all of the new around you. Once you’re seated on the train, the anxiety starts building. The thought of seeing ateez again after being a fan for so many years. The last time you saw them was the tour before they enlisted, which was maybe around four years ago. The nerves are settling in. Before a few hours ago, you had no idea that you would even have the opportunity to see ateez. You are laughing at yourself in your head, feeling like a young fangirl again. You push the nerves down, tonight was all about having fun with your sister and admiring ateez from a distance.

Emma pulls you out of your thoughts, “So I guess I should mention that there’s going to be a ton of cameras outside the event.”

You raise your eyebrow, “Cameras? Well I guess that makes sense. Maybe there will be a way we can go around them?”

Emma smirks, “I wouldn’t count on it. Ours is the next stop.”

You look up and see the next stop is Gangnam. You’re pretty sure that’s the wealthy area of Seoul, makes sense. You can’t help but notice your heart picking up its pace when it’s time to get off the train.

“Are you sure this dress is okay? And that it’s okay for us to be at this event?” Y/n asks Emma.

Emma tries to comfort her sister, “Of course, y/n. It’s a charity event, so anyone with money is welcome. If it makes you feel better, you could always make a donation.”

Y/n breathes and smiles, “Yeah you’re right. I think that would make me feel a lot better. We just aren’t celebrities, so I’m worried about the cameras. Or people questioning why we are there.”

Emma slows to a stop and pulls y/n to the side, “You’ve got to trust me on this okay? My friend works for the company, we are technically her guests. You’re hot and have money, you have no reason to be worried. There’s going to be different activities to raise money, and lots of alcohol. Let’s just have fun tonight, okay?”

You smile at your sister, “You really are all grown up. You’re right, I’m sorry I’m just jet-lagged and nervous.”

You both laugh as you continue walking to the venue. The closer you get, you start to see a lot of security.

“Let me call Nari and tell her we’re about to come in!”, Emma says as she pulls out her phone.

From the distance you can see the venue, people dressed to the nines entering but not before going through a tunnel of photographers. You can also hear MATZ playing inside, trying not to freak out, you decide to let the music give you courage.

Emma grabs your arm, “Okay she’s inside waiting! Let’s go.”

Emma handles security and shows your tickets. They wave you through and you are met with paparazzi everywhere. You try to keep a smile on your face, while you and Emma rush through the cameras. Once inside you both can’t help but laugh. Your laughter is cut off when you look around and see how beautiful the venue is. You are relieved to see that you are in fact not overdressed.

“EMMA!” You hear someone yell. You see a girl run over and nearly tackle your sister with a hug. A smile appears on y/n’s face when she sees her sister finally getting to meet her friend. They spend a few moments laughing and hugging.

“Nari! This is my sister y/n!” Emma brings her over to you.

You take Nari’s hand, “It’s so nice to meet you! Thank you for inviting us tonight! This place is beautiful.”

Nari smiles at you, “I’m so happy you came! I know you both are fighting jet-lag, but I promise tonight will be worth it.”

Emma responds, “Here give me your coverup, y/n! I can give it to the person checking items.”

You’re hesitant, but slowly take your coverup off.

“You’re sure this isn’t too much?” Y/n asks.

Nari reassures you, “Not at all! You look hot! I know the members will appreciate that dress”

Your eyes nearly bulge out of your head, “Ah well I think you are just being nice! Besides, I probably won’t be that close to them.”

Emma returns and Nari asks her, “You didn’t tell her?”

You’re immediately on edge, “Tell me what?”

Emma sheepishly smiles, “Well I didn’t think you would come if I told you.”

Nari rolls her eyes at Emma and explains, “Our seats are right by them. I work for KQ, but over the years I’ve become friends with the members! They’re really excited to meet my American friends. Actually they’re the reason I had two extra tickets. Normally staff only get one, but they knew my situation and insisted on giving me an extra one.”

It takes all of your strength to not run out of the building, or fall to the ground. Yes, you’re an atiny and have been for years. But meeting the members was never on your list! You can be very shy, especially when you’re nervous.

“I wish weed was legal here,” You whisper to the girls.

They both laugh and Nari suggests, “How about we get a drink first? Then we will have to find our seats! But I promise, they’re excited to meet you! I told them you’ve been a fan since the beginning.”

The three of you walk to find a server that has glasses of champagne. The information Nari just told you is making your legs a little wobbly. You’re definitely going to get Emma for this. You grab a glass, chug it, and put it back on the tray.

Grabbing another one, “Okay, ready as I’ll ever be.”

Nari giggles, “I promise you don’t have to be nervous.”

You nod your head, as if that’s going to happen. Nari leads you to your table. The table is near the stage, you weren’t expecting to be this close. You are going to have a nice chat with Emma after this for leaving out so many important details. Once you get seated, you start trying to secretly do some breath work. Thankfully you’ve been meditating for years, so it doesn’t take long to get your heart rate back down. Putting on your professional face, since that’s the only way you’re going to get through this without throwing up. Just in time too, you hear a familiar voice.

“Nari!” You look over to see Hongjoong coming to say hi. He looks incredibly beautiful, it’s hard to not just stare at him.

They speak for a few moments in Korean. Emma also joined in and introduced herself in Korean.

“And is this your sister?” Well there’s no turning back now.

You smile, “Hi! Yeah I’m y/n, Emma’s older sister. It’s so nice to meet you, Hongjoong!”

He sits in the empty seat next to you, “Nari tells me you’re an atiny?”

“Yeah! I started listening to ateez in 2019, and was lucky enough to go to a few shows when you came to America over the years”, Y/n says with a light blush.

Hongjoong’s eyes lit up, “Ah really? Which city were you in?”

Y/n explains, “Well you never came to my state, but the closest show near me was always Chicago! I traveled there multiple times for your shows.”

He smiles, “Chicago is always so special to us. I’m glad to know you were there.”

You can’t help the tears that prick your eyes, “You’re so endearing, Hongjoong. I can feel your love for atiny just by looking at you. I’m glad to know you weren’t secretly a jerk.”

Hongjoong laughs as you see his eyes become misty, “I just understand all that goes into being a fan. The money spent, the time, I don’t take that lightly. It means a lot to me that people would disrupt their normal lives to see our music.”

You smile brightly, “Well you’re one of the most talented people I’ve ever seen! Every penny spent was well worth it.”

A staff member is waving for Hongjoong.

“Can we take a quick picture?” Hongjoong asked.

You’re surprised, “Oh my god of course. I should definitely be the one asking you.”

Hongjoong laughs and you both stand up. Handing your phone to your sister, you don’t miss the shit eating grin she’s wearing. You can basically hear her telling you ‘I told you so’, but at this moment you really don’t care. Hongjoong places his hand around your waist, surprised but not mad about it, and he pulls you in close. You both smile brightly, and Nari says something that makes you all start laughing.

Hongjoong holds your hands, “Thank you for coming, y/n. I know you were really nervous, but we wanted you to come. I’ll see you later?”

You smile hoping you weren’t bright red, “Yeah of course. Thanks jjoong.”

His eyes light up at the nickname as he’s walking back towards the staff. You plop down in your seat and just stare in shock.

“I’m waiting for my thank you.” Emma says with a smirk.

You roll your eyes, the alcohol is starting to make you warm and fuzzy. Or maybe that was just from your conversation with Hongjoong.

Someone comes onto the stage, and starts the event. You have no idea what they’re saying because it’s all in Korean, but you don't mind.

You take this time to look around. Your table being in the front, but a little off to the side. You see that there’s one table to your left, and the one next to that is ateez’s table. You try to not just stare at them, but wow. The last time you saw them this close, was their final concert before their military service. Most of them look physically bigger, and a little older, but it’s still your ateez. You can’t help but smile at the thought. Your strap falls for the millionth time, interrupting your thoughts. You sigh and pull it back up.

A bunch of clapping causes you to look on stage. You see Seonghwa shaking the man’s hand and coming up to speak. You smile as you see him start speaking. You’re not sure what he’s saying, but he’s absolutely perfect. Your heart eyes showing from a mile away.

“Stop drooling,” Your sister whispers with a smile.

You shoo your sister so you can go back to staring lovingly at Seonghwa. He’s just so beautiful, how could you not?! You feel much more relaxed now thanks to the alcohol. As Seonghwa ends his speech, the waiters all come out with what you’re assuming is dinner. It smells delicious, and you begin eating without a second thought.

Nari asks you, “I’m glad to see you feel more comfortable! Are you having fun?”

Y/n smiles, “I am! Thank you again. So what else is going to happen? Emma clearly didn’t fill me in on anything.” You give your sister a dirty look.

Nari laughs, “Well right now the members are preparing for the short concert they’re putting on for us.” You look to where ateez was sitting, to see that none of them are there anymore. Nari continues, “After that, there will be different games to raise money for the organizations tonight. Oh and then we will head to KQ for the afterparty!”

Your eyes widen, “Afterparty? At KQ? Are you sure I’m allowed to come to that? I don’t want the members to be uncomfortable!”

Nari looks at Emma, “I see why you didn’t tell her.”

They both laugh and Nari continues, “You and Emma are already on the list. If that doesn’t make you feel better, then just know that you also have a personal invitation from Hongjoong.”

“You guys are trying to kill me.” Y/n says before taking a giant swig of her drink.

The tables have been cleared, and the lights go out indicating the beginning of the concert. It feels surreal when the lights come back on, and ateez is standing on the stage. Their aura fills the room, you can feel the energy levels rising. Since this is Korea, you know the expectations for concerts are much different here than in America. Especially since this is a charity concert. The music starts, and ateez begins performing. The fact that they’re performing Crazy Form right in front of you, and you have to just sit there is difficult. You love hyping them up.

You and Emma start dancing and singing along quietly in your seats. The other side of the table is filled with Nari’s work friends. The more you and Emma are enjoying yourselves, the more Nari and the other staff at the table join in. At this point your table is having the most fun, singing and dancing while sitting together. This entire time you want to pinch yourself. How is this real?

The next song they perform is Bouncy, you and your table getting more rowdy by the minute. Everyone feels the alcohol taking away their worries. Hongjoong walks over to your side of the stage, laughing at the sight of kq staff and new friends. He loves the energy, and encourages it. After a few more songs, and lot’s of giggling from your table, Hongjoong begins to speak before the next song.

“Thank you everyone for coming! It’s been such a special night celebrating Seonghwa turning 33. We only have a few more songs before all the games and fun begin. But I wanted to dedicate this next song to a special atiny from America. Her coming tonight was all by chance, and I think that just shows the deep connection that ateez and atiny will always have. We will always find a way to be together, even by accident.”

Your eyes are watery and you smile at Hongjoong. Emma hugs you from behind while sitting, knowing you’re probably trying not to cry. Dreamy Day starts playing, and you have to try even harder not to cry. The members are all making sure to come to your side of the stage and wave. None of this feels real, but your heart feels like it could explode with how happy you are. Your table starts waving their arms to the chorus, and you of course join in. Emma hasn't seen you smile this big in a really long time.

After the show, you just sit there for a minute sipping on water. Still trying to convince yourself that all of that just happened.

You feel Nari’s hand on your shoulder, “Alright let’s go get more drinks and see what games there are!”

Y/n smiles and walks with Nari and Emma. The three of you decide to take a shot at the bar together, before grabbing your mixed drinks. Walking into the other main room you smile. It’s decorated like a carnival, all the games you used to play when you were younger were there. There’s an atm, so you go pull out a good chunk of cash. You walk back to Emma and Nari and hand them both a stack of money.

“Go ahead! I’m going to check out the different organizations over there” You point to the booths on the other side of the room. “I want to make sure I get my donation in, before I get too tipsy.”

Emma asks, “Are you sure? You don’t want us to come with you?”

Y/n smiles, “I won’t be gone long, and then I’ll come find you!”

Emma nods her head, “Thank you for the spending money! Call me if you get lost.”

You laugh and walk towards the booths. Your strap falls…again. You pull it back up as you get to the first booth.

You smile and say, “Hello.”

The people look at you and then look at each other. One of them manages to say, “Sorry. No English.”

You internally slap your forehead. You’re in Korea, of course they don’t speak English. You look to where Emma was, and she’s gone.

Y/n apologizes in Korean to the people at the booth. She feels someone closely behind her, probably waiting their turn. So she goes to move out of the way.

“Wait.” You hear the person behind you say.

You turn and are shocked at what you see.

“Seonghwa.” The name came out of your mouth so naturally.

He laughs, “And you must be y/n? I was looking for you.”

You’re surprised by that, “You were looking for me?”

Seonghwa nods his head, “Yeah Hongjoong wouldn’t shut up about you. I wanted to meet you myself.”

You can’t help the blush that appears on your cheeks, “Can I ask you a favor?” You surprise yourself by your boldness.

“Anything.” Seonghwa smiles.

You look back to the booths, “Can you translate what these organizations do for me? I would ask Emma or Nari, but I already sent them off to play games. I was wanting to make a donation, but it’s hard when I don’t know what they do.”

You don’t notice, but Seonghwa can’t stop smiling at you, “Of course. I’d love to.”

It took about twenty minutes for Seonghwa to explain the different organizations. You decided on the orphanage that was from Seonghwa’s hometown. Thanking him profusely for translating. He’s surprised to see you walk up to the organization from his hometown, something in his chest begins to stir. He sees the people at the booth jump up when they see your donation amount. They begin bowing and shaking your hand. He can’t help but chuckle when he sees your surprised face. You kept telling them it wasn’t necessary to thank you, you were happy to help.

You walk back to him, face flushed. You were so embarrassed by their big reaction to your donation, you didn’t notice your strap fell…again.

Seonghwa gently pulled your strap back onto your shoulder. You look at him with wide eyes, heart pounding.

“What made you pick them?” He looks to the booth you just came from.

You smile, “Well it’s your birthday. I wanted to support a place from your hometown. Is that okay?”

Seonghwa responds, “Of course. You just surprised me.”

You say cheekily, “I’m full of surprises.”

You both laugh and your heart races when you see the way he looks at you.

“Well, I guess I should find Emma and Nari. Thanks again for helping me!” You say with a smile.

Seonghwa asks, “Can I walk with you?”

You look surprised, “Oh of course! You don’t need to get back to your party?”

He smiles, “Nah. I’m off duty now.”

The two of you begin walking to the carnival part of the party. You can’t help but look at all the games, wondering how they got everything in here.

“Wanna play?” Seonghwa asks, standing in front of the skee ball.

You respond, “Yeah! Let me go to the atm real quick.”

He stops you, “No I want to pay for you. Please? It is my birthday.”

You stand there conflicted, “Fine but only a few games! I’m perfectly capable of paying for my own games.”

Seonghwa smirks, “I’m fully aware. Let me take care of you tonight.”

You blush at his statement, but nod your head.

The two of you begin your skee ball game. It only takes a few rounds for your ultra competitive side to come out.

Seonghwa stands triumphantly, “Ha! That’s 5-1. I thought you said you were good at this game?”

You gasp at him, “I am!! It’s because you have longer arms, and the setup is a little different than what I’m used to!” You are very clearly pouting over losing.

Seonghwa can’t stop the laugh that explodes out of him. While you stand there pouting.

He looks behind you, “The air hockey just opened up, want to lose on that too?”

You give him a dirty look and walk to where the air hockey machine is.

“I’m actually really good at this, so you better watch out.” Y/n says with confidence.

Seonghwa chuckles, “That’s what you said at skee ball.”

You roll your eyes, “Let’s stop talking so I can stomp you. Then you’ll see.”

You both have spent the last ten minutes being ultra competitive with each other. The two of you are completely zoned in, and determined to win this game. The trash talk comes out so naturally anytime one of you scores, or someone misses. From the outside, it doesn’t look like two strangers who just met tonight.

“HA! Game point for me!!” You yell as you serve the puck.

Seonghwa says nothing, he’s too busy trying not to lose to you. He hits the puck back, but accidentally makes the puck fly up off board. It’s not the first time your finger has been smacked by the puck, but it always manages to hurt really fucking bad. You drop into a squat, holding your finger tightly.

“Ow! Fuck.” You yelp. You squeeze your eyes and just wait for the pain to subside.

Before you know it, you feel two hands on your elbows lifting you back up to stand. You look to see that it was Seonghwa, and he looks terrified.

“I’m so sorry! Is your finger okay? Can I look at it?” He asks with worry.

You smile, “Don’t worry, I’m fine! It hurt really bad when it happened, but the pain already went away.” Seonghwa doesn’t look convinced so you continue, “You’re telling me your fingers have never been hit while playing air hockey? Seriously, it happens all the time, I’m okay.”

Seonghwa lets out the breath he was holding, “You’re right. I’m sorry though that it happened. I didn’t like seeing you in pain, it really scared me.” He looks into your eyes, the concern for you still there. Seonghwa continues, “But if you promise you’re okay, we should find something else to play.” This is when he notices your strap fell in the commotion. He fixes it gently…again.

“Ah I see. You’re trying to get out of finishing the game so you can’t lose right?” You say cheekily.

Seonghwa smirks, “Nah, I just felt bad beating you after your finger got hurt.”

Your eyes widen as you argue that he was actually not going to beat you, and Seonghwa can’t help but burst into laughter. He loves teasing you.

-After beating Seonghwa in air hockey-

You have the biggest shit eating grin, “Hey better luck next time yeah?”

He shakes his head at you, “A sore loser and a sore winner? You continue to surprise me, y/n.”

You pout, “No I’m not! Maybe you’re just not as good as you thought?”

Seonghwa’s eyebrows raise as he holds in a laugh, “Is that so?”

Y/n smiles and checks her phone. Shit an hour has already gone by.

“I’m sorry, I should probably check on my sister.” You say, and are sad at the thought of having to say bye to Seonghwa.

Seonghwa responds, “You don’t need to apologize. Let me help you look.”

You spend the next five minutes looking around. The two of you gushing over how fun the event turned out, and how it was decorated perfectly.

“Y/n!” You turn your head to see Emma sitting with Nari and her friends.

You smile and walk over, “Hey! There you are. Are you two having fun?”

Now that you’re closer, you notice a boy sitting next to your sister. Even though your sister is very much an adult, you still feel fiercely protective of her.

Emma responds, “It’s been great! I see you found Seonghwa.”

You turn to formally introduce him, “Oh yeah he helped translate the charity organizations for me! We’ve been playing games for a while, but Seonghwa, this is my sister Emma! Emma, I’m sure you don’t need the introduction.”

They laugh and greet each other.

Emma says to Seonghwa, “You were always my bias! It’s so nice to meet you, you’re even more beautiful in person.”

Seonghwa smiles and puts his hand to his chest, “Thank you! It’s always nice to meet atiny.” He looks at you cheekily, “Was I your bias too?”

You’re surprised by the question at first. You’re not sure if it’s the alcohol, or just being in Seonghwa’s presence. The confidence is radiating inside you.

You tilt your head, “Why do you want to know?”

He turns to you and fixes your strap that had fallen…again, “Hm. Just curious.”

You pretend to think for a moment, “I always loved all eight of you, but no. I have..different tastes.” Your smile radiates throughout the room.

Seonghwa can’t help the smirk that appears, “So bratty.”

You don’t notice how Emma and Nari are nearly screaming because of the flirting and tension between you two. You haven’t even noticed that Hongjoong was sitting with your sister and her friends.

Hongjoong interrupts, “Damn Seonghwa, just take her home already.”

You both immediately put distance in between each other. You walk and take the empty seat next to the random guy sitting by your sister. The blush is still lingering on your cheeks. Did you really just do all of that right in front of your sister?! You need to get it together. Seonghwa takes the seat next to Hongjoong, at the other side of the table. It’s a big round table, so you can still see each other.

You try to change the conversation, “So Emma, want to introduce me to your friends?”

The people they were hanging out with are Nari’s friends who also work at KQ. You now know that only Nari, Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and one other speak english. You encourage them all to speak Korean comfortably, you didn’t mind at all.

They continue their conversations. A waiter comes by, and you gladly take a drink from the tray. You begin sipping it while looking around the room. Everyone seems to be having a really great time. You look across the table to Seonghwa, who’s already looking at you. Your heart starts pounding, and you try to be calm as you give him a small smile. You look away and take a big swig of your drink.

You check the time and see that it’s already 9:30pm. You already know you only have a few more hours until your body just completely shuts down from exhaustion. You decide to send a quick text to Emma, hoping she’ll let you skip the after party.

“Oh no you don’t!” Emma stops mid conversation with her friends. Everyone at the table now looks confused at her. She continues, “Y/n is trying to leave early! No way! You can sleep all day tomorrow, we’re not going back until the early morning!”

You look at her shocked, “Early morning?! Are you trying to kill me?!”

Emma isn’t having it, “I don’t want to hear it! We never get to do stuff like this together, when will we ever be in Korea like this together?”

Your head drops and you sigh in defeat, “Okay okay. I’m going to go find the bathroom, but I’ll be back.”

Emma nods and is back into her conversation, you stand and start walking away. Thankfully the bathroom isn’t far from where you’re sitting. After you wash your hands, you start fixing your hair and makeup. When you walk out, you see people going up the stairs. You look to where your sister is, still engrossed in her conversation. You let curiosity take you up the stairs. There’s more tables, and more conversations happening. You’re drawn to the two big doors that are open, leading to the balcony. You stand and hold the railing, your breath taken away by the night beauty of Korea.

“There you are.” A familiar voice from behind.

You smile and turn, “Here I am.”

Seonghwa walks and stands next to you, “I thought you might be trying to sneak and go back to your hotel.”

You giggle, “No way. Emma would kill me.”

Seonghwa smiles, “You’re a good big sister.”

You’re surprised by his words, “Oh- thank you. I definitely have room for improvement, but I love taking care of my family.”

Seonghwa can tell how sincere your words are, he feels how genuine you are. The two of you are unaware that you are both just standing there staring into each other’s eyes.

Seonghwa clears his throat, “I-I meant to come get you because they’re about to start the closing speeches.”

“Oh!” You turn and start walking with Seonghwa, “Thank you for coming to get me! I had no idea.”

He smiles and the two of you walk in comfortable silence back to the main room. He walks you to your table and you thank him again.

“It’s no problem, y/n.” He surprises you and fixes your strap…again. “Don’t run away tonight without saying goodbye. I want to make sure I get to talk to you again.”

You can’t help the blush that appears on your cheeks, “Okay.” You say, nothing more than a whisper.

Seonghwa smiles at you, and walks back to his table. You plop into your chair, in a daze. You look up to see that you missed the fact that Nari and Emma were already sitting and saw the whole thing.

You cover your face, “Don’t.”

Emma has a devious smile, “Oh I don’t know what you’re talking about y/n. I definitely haven’t noticed the palpable chemistry between you two, or the way you two look at each other, or the way he fixes your strap for you.”

“Stoooooop.” You whine, “It’s really nothing. Maybe just a little flirting? But he’s an idol, we can’t be anything more than friends.”

Nari asks, “Why not?”

You look confused, “What do you mean? It’s been awhile since I’ve actively been into k-pop, but I know how strict the dating rules are. Even if there aren’t rules though, the fans take dating pretty hard.”

Nari responds, “You can’t really listen to the people who get angry when an idol starts dating. They clearly have an unhealthy parasocial relationship. Besides, Korea has taken positive steps when it comes to idols dating in the past few years. Especially when the members came back from military service, I think most atiny just want them to be happy.”

You smile, “I’m glad things have gotten better, but I don’t think you guys should get your hopes up about Seonghwa and I. He’s amazing and we get along really well, but he can have anyone he wants. I’m not Korean, I don’t speak fluently like Emma. I wouldn’t be against learning, I just think there’s a lot of reasons he wouldn’t want to pursue a relationship with me. Besides, I’m two years older than him.”

Emma slumps back into her seat, “I knew you would argue against it.”

“Em-” The MC interrupts you, ending the conversation for now. Most of the time you have no idea what’s happening. You pick up a few familiar phrases here and there. At one point the whole room is instructed to sing happy birthday to Seonghwa. His smile took your breath away. Seeing the other members love on him and tease him, it was very endearing. The two of you make eye contact, and you give him a big smile.

To end the celebration, you recognize the people you donated to from Seonghwa’s hometown, standing on stage to close it out. At least that’s what you assume since you don’t understand Korean. Until you see them point to you and everyone turns to look at you. The room erupts in cheering, and you are sitting there horrified. You have no idea why all these random people are clapping for you.

Emma translates, “They’re celebrating the largest donation their organization has seen to date! Y/n, they’re thanking you!”

Emma grabs your arm and walks you onto the stage, internally freaking the fuck out.

“I’ll be your translator,” Emma whispers in your ear. She tells you that part of the contest was seeing who would donate the most. Since you committed to $10k usd a month for an entire year, that makes you the winner. You really wish you would’ve known that before.

The owners of the orphanage both hug you, and thank you profusely. You have Emma explain to them that you didn’t know about the competition, and that you just really loved what they were doing. Unfortunately for you, the crowd loved that even more.

The prize is a trip to Jinju to see the city, and to also tour the orphanage so you can see where your money is going. You feel really touched by them and can’t help the tears that prick your eyes. You thank them yourself in Korean, and hug them both once more. Once you all are off the stage, you are able to exchange contact information so you can figure out your trip.

While all of this is happening, you miss the way Seonghwa is looking at you. Like you personally hung the moon and stars.

Hongjoong elbows him, “Stop drooling.”

After saying bye to the owners, you shyly went back to your seat. You could feel all eyes on you, your strap decides to fall…again. God you couldn’t wait to rip this dress off. Once you sat, Nari grabbed your hand and squeezed it gently.

“I know you’re embarrassed, but you did a really good thing,” Nari says to you.

You smile, “Thank you. I love being able to help financially.” Your genuine aura is like a warm hug to Nari.

She whispers, “Your boyfriend didn’t take his eyes off of you once. He looked like he was ready to fall to his knees.”

You laughed at the boyfriend comment, but looked to where Seonghwa was sitting. He was already smiling at you, and gave you a thumbs up. You couldn't help but blush.

Hongjoong teases Seonghwa, “Did you really just give her a thumbs up?”

Seonghwa whines, “Stop, I panicked okay?!”

They both laugh together at Seonghwa’s unusual behavior.

Nari and Emma are figuring out who’s riding in the cars, and who’s taking the train.

“Damn it, we’re one person off. We could’ve all been in the SUVs, but we have one too many,” Emma says.

You take that as a sign, “That’s okay! I’ll just go back to the hotel, I’m really tired so I don’t mind at all. That way you all can ride together!”

Emma gives you a dirty look, while trying to figure out an alternative that doesn’t include you missing the after party.

“Oh Seonghwa!” Emma says.

You turn and Seonghwa comes up to your group.

“Are you all headed to the after party?” He asks the group, even though he is only looking at you.

Y/n responds, “Ah well we have one too many so I’m just going to head back to the hotel! That way everyone else can ride together.”

He fixes your strap…again and says, “Ride with me?”

Your eyes widen at the offer, “Oh I don’t want to inconvenience you, or get you in trouble.”

Seonghwa laughs, “I’m 33 years old, who am I going to be in trouble with? Besides, I really wanted you to come. It’s not an inconvenience.”

You think about it and ask, “But what if your fans see a random woman leaving with you? Wouldn’t that be a problem?”

He lifts your chin so you meet his eyes, and puts his hand back down, “Why would that be a problem?”

At this point your cheeks are red, “I-I just thought you had to be really careful who you’re seen with.”

Seonghwa smiles, “Nah, not anymore at least. Atiny knows we are grown men. Besides, I don’t think it would be that crazy if we were seen together. You made a really big donation to my hometown, articles are already being written. If anything, people will think we’ve become friends after your generous donation.”

You try to ignore the fact that articles were being written about your donation. You weren’t expecting all this attention. You decide to take a leap.

“Okay. I’ll ride with you,” You say to Seonghwa.

He smiles brightly, “Great.”

“Are you two done now? As much as I love the flirting going on, y/n is still my sister and it makes me want to barf,” Emma says with her hands on her hips.

You lightly smack her arm and whine, “Why do you have to make everything weird?!”

Emma laughs, “I’ll see you at the after party okay?” She looks at Seonghwa, “Look I know you’re my bias and everything, but y/n is my sister. You better make sure she gets there safely.”

You smile at your sister and Seonghwa places his hand on her shoulder, “You have my word. She’s safe with me.”

Emma nods and Nari is smirking at the two of you. They leave with the group, and a part of you is internally screaming. You look at Seonghwa to find he’s already looking at you. He nods his head to the direction you need to go, gently grabs your hand, and leads you through the crowd of people. After stopping multiple times for Seonghwa to say bye to people who attended, you finally make it to the back of the building.

You see the line of black SUVs just waiting for you. What you weren’t expecting were the lines of cameras that were also waiting for you.

Seonghwa says, “We just need to wait for my manager, and then we can head out.”

You smile and nod, your conversation interrupted.

“Well well well. What do we have here, Seonghwa?” Wooyoung says with a smirk.

Seonghwa rolls his eyes, “The staff SUVs were full.”

Wooyoung not fully convinced, “Ah. Got it. Well I’m Wooyoung! I’ve heard all about you tonight.”

You smile at him, “Hopefully nothing bad. I’m y/n, it’s great to meet you!”

“There you are! I was looking for you Woo- oh hey! You’re the girl Seonghwa won’t shut up about!” San says with a big smile.

You and Seonghwa look at each other and laugh awkwardly.

You save Seonghwa from having to respond, “Hi San! I’m y/n, it’s nice to meet you!”

After a few minutes, the topic of you and Seonghwa has finally died down. The boys talked about the night, and how happy they were with the turn out. Seonghwa gets the okay from his manager, and now you are about to go to the car.

Seonghwa looks at you, “I apologize for the cameras. Will you be okay?”

You smile, “Yeah! Don’t worry about me.”

Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung go out first. Hoping the paparazzi focus their cameras mainly on them. You’re able to sneak behind them without it being too much of a spectacle. You wait by the cars for them to be done with the cameras. You weren’t sure which car to get in.

They’re walking away from the cameras, and Seonghwa waves you over to the right car. He opens the door for you, and you both get in. It’s just you, Seonghwa, and the driver.

“I hope that wasn’t too terrible,” He says.

You shake your head, “Not at all! It ended up being super easy.”

Seonghwa chuckles, “Good. I want you to be comfortable.”

You blush and respond, “I really am okay. You don’t have to worry. I actually feel bad, because you’re doing too much for me!”

Seonghwa looks into your eyes and asks, “Have I not been clear about my intentions?”

You nearly gulp at the question. There’s just no fucking way this is happening right now. As you are internally panicking, Seonghwa presses the partition button. Now it’s just you and him.

You ask quietly, “What do you mean?”

Seonghwa fixes your strap…again but this time his hand lingers, “I am very attracted to you, y/n. I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of you all night. I have this feeling, that maybe you feel the same way about me.” You are swimming in his big brown eyes, probably the most beautiful you’ve ever seen. He continues, “Can we see where the night goes, together?”

[heymeowmao]

2024.10.11 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321325088345679069341

[t/n: I swear I’m gonna skim it this time…] [t/n: his camera focus is FREAKING OUT]

1:33 LYN: It’s been a long time since I last streamed… and it seems like my equipment isn’t working properly. Something’s not syncing up. It won’t focus, so it’s all very blurry. But that’s nice, too, that you can’t see my face clearly. It’s a hazy/dreamy feel. - /testing the sound/video settings/ LYN: Is it vertical or a horizontal view still? /confirmed/ Vertical? Isn’t that high class? 🙂

3:58 LYN: (The focus) is probably because of these glasses. - takes them off and it does not fix the problem. LYN: It’s too blurry? Then next time we won’t use the vertical view. Maybe the angle with this isn’t right. It’s like everyone who’s watching has astigmatism. Even I can see/feel it. C: It’s because the carousel in the back keeps spinning. LYN: That’s the problem, huh? I’ll turn it off. It must be the carousel that’s the problem. I don’t care if it’s not, it’s going to take the blame for now. I’ll turn it off and see if it gets better. (It does not.) LYN: D: We falsely accused it. The focus has nothing to do with the carousel. This is getting annoying, though. Let me take the glasses off, too. I wanted to cover it because I don’t have any makeup today so my eyes look small. LYN: I didn’t think this would be so- It wasn’t the glasses, and it’s still not working. I didn’t plan well enough this time.

7:00 LYN: Let’s just leave it like this. You can hear me, so  have my voice keep you company. C: I can see your moles. LYN: You shut your mouth. Obviously it’s better that you can’t see clearly, because if it’s clear you can see my moles. It’s not a mole. You’re talking about here, right? (points to a spot on his face) I can’t believe you can see that. Can you see the hair growing on it, too? LYN: It’s not a mole/birthmark. You want to know what it is- /puts his glasses back on/ Let me cover it. The other day I went to get cosmetic surgery. I had lapse in judgement and did a procedure called “photorejuvenation (光子嫩肤).” I was thinking I could get my skin looking shiny and smooth, so I look younger. What an interesting procedure. While I was sitting there during the process I could smell something like burning pig hair. It hurt just a little. They use lasers to burn your skin a little. I’m sure my face was a little rougher to begin with so the technician grilled me a little longer. They ended up thoroughly cooking me and I… got a little burnt.

9:40 - tries to find a fixed position so that the camera will stay in focus. (it doesn’t work.) C: Your new equipment is no good. - Daimi starts barking up a storm LYN: See? Can you hear that? Your words have upset our female celebrity. She’s saying, “What are you talking about? Such nonsense?? What do you mean the equipment is no good?!” LYN: It was quite expensive for this, and now you’re telling me, “You’re new equipment is no good.” I can see the face your making through the screen. It’s not “no good”, I just haven’t adjusted it well enough. I thought I had it set, but it turns out this is much more of a headache than I thought. We’ll leave it. It doesn’t matter. C: Ning-ge, buy SONY. LYN: You’re here to advertise?? Are you from SONY, and have come to advertise your products? // I mean, I CAN but what would I do with the cameras that I already have? What am I going to do with them? My stream- oh my god… -/gets blurrier/ LYN: I’M gonna throw up. LYN: Let me take the glasses off, I think it’s better that way. It’s not the camera- there’s a reason why it won’t focus, that I just haven’t told you about. This camera is set to adjust according to a person’s eyes. It focuses based on your eyes. If I say it like that, do you understand what I’m implying? Are there any fast-thinking friends out there who understand what I’m trying to say here? Yeah. This camera auto- focuses based on where a person’s eyes are. Mm. What a piece of crap! - [t/n: his eyes are too small for the camera to focus on XD]

13:20 LYN: If it comes down to it, I CAN buy a different lens. I bought a new one just a few days ago, though. I was thinking about my stream and how I haven’t streamed for so long, so I wanted to give you a fresh new look. I went online and started looking for lenses using the search term: “what lens makes people look good?” There were all sorts of specifications. I ended up buying one with a summit angle? I don’t know- there might be people watching who know a lot more about this than I do. It’s said that people look best when shot at a 45°-85° degree angle. So I was thinking I would go hard and get one at an 85° angle. Because I don’t understand how it works, right? If they say people look good at 45-85°, then I’m thinking the one that will make me look the best is 85°. - in summary: it’s like a magnifying glass. the camera ended up only showing his nose, he never figured out how to adjust it. He wanted to return it, but the seller would not accept the return because the lens was already scratched from affixing it onto the camera. So he still has the lens and will probably try to raffle it off during a birthday stream. Or give it to his Studio so that they can make use of it.

18:55 C: Ning-ge, will you still enter a drama crew later this year? LYN: I’ve talked to you about this before. This industry is pretty cruel, and I don’t have any resources- even though people always say that I do. I WISH I did. But I don’t have resources, so I don’t have any work. I probably won’t be in another drama crew for the rest of the year. I’ve come back to being a Singer.

19:38 LYN: I was scrolling weibo and came across a post that read, “LYN’s new drama starts shooting.” I saw it and was dumbfounded. I thought to myself, “When did this happen? Who accepted a drama on my behalf?” Let me peacefully ‘pick my feet’ (idle). What drama do you want me in?? Let me rest. How’s this. If you see anyone making posts like that, make a comment saying, “Ning-ge wants you to contact his Studio. He wants to know what job this is. He wants to take it.” 

20:37 LYN: The thing is- you all know- I’ve been in Hengdian for the past four years, continuously shooting for dramas. I haven’t stopped. Even when I was acting as supporting characters, or made special appearances, I would still be part of that crew for four-five months. Even if it’s only 100-200 scenes, I would be there the whole time. I haven’t left Hengdian at all in the past four years. Think about it. You all know my schedule- I’ve been here for four years, it’s about time that I wanted to take a break and rest my mind. Because if you’re constantly filming you start to feel… numb. So I thought I would come back to being a singer, and release some songs, do some much-needed work on my album, and go on some music-varieties to come back into my singer-environment. LYN: Some of my friends are working hard right now. My return as a singer has them running haggard. Today it’s this stage and tomorrow it’s that song. The day after is an OST, and today is a livestream. I’ve got them running around so much I’m sure that they’re thinking, “LYN, why don’t you just go back to acting? Go back to shooting dramas. I’m dead tired.” Thank you, and you’ve worked hard.

22:50 C: Ning-ge, why don’t you put 这蔚蓝 (Azure) onto your album? LYN: It IS my song. It might not be on my album, but it’s already my song. It’s mine, so there’s not much meaning in putting onto my album. With my album I always want to bring you new songs.

24:17 - polling the group: (disregarding the focus) do you like vertical or horizontal view better? Consensus: both are good! (but he’ll buy a better lens for a vertical shot next time.)

25:50 C: You’re not in a drama crew, but you’re even busier. LYN: It’s actually not that bad for me. You’re the ones that are busier. // As a singer there are various music-related things, including stage performances. The stages I couldn’t go to before- because I was always in the crew and couldn’t ask for time away. But now I have time so if there are any events that invite me, I can go. If any varieties ask me if I could go help out- I mean- play, then I’ll go. I’ve returned to being a singer, and it’s nice. // I’ll attend some events so I can go see celebrities and take pictures with them.

28:00 LYN: I hope that no matter what drama airs- whether I have a little or a lot of scenes, or whatever the role may be, I hope that you can still watch the drama. Secondly, I hope that you can help maintain the drama and promote it in a positive direction. I hope that you can support it. Because in order to shoot one drama, I have to work for four months. The work may be difficult and tiring, but that’s normal. It’s really more of a painstaking effort on all parts. It’s every team’s effort. A drama’s success is not due to one or two people alone- it’s all the people who woke up early and stayed up late to help make it happen. So if you’re willing, please support the drama. LYN: It’s the same for every drama, but at the same time as one drama is airing, there are also countless of others. Honestly, we’re all competing for the same viewership and hoping to be your preference. I hope my fans can help to promote my dramas and support them. I don’t want you to get caught up in the rumors and ultimately bring harm to- I won’t call myself your “Ning-ge”, but- your friend’s work. 

30:57 - “It’s my fault. My eyes are too small.” - /troubleshooting the camera some more/

33:10 LYN: Is it better? Did it get better, friends? I don’t think it did- it still looks the same. 😐It’s BETTER, sometimes clear and sometimes blurry, but at least it’s not making anyone dizzy. C: Ning-ge, turn on the big eyes filter. LYN: What are you talking about? The camera doesn’t recognize me, so you want me to use the big eyes filter to help it? Are you crazy?? The problem with that is the camera is looking at me in real life, it’s not looking at the me THROUGH the lens with an added filter. What type of logic is that?? 34:53 LYN: Excuse me- you’ve touched on a nerve. My eyes are the wound that cannot be touched. - /reminds him of a song/

35:55 C: Ning-ge, those glasses make you look old. LYN: Someone earlier said that I looked like I attend NTU (Nantong University- one of China’s best and top-rated Public universities.) I know they were kidding, but I was a little cheerful when I heard it. Friends, even though I myself am well aware that I’m old, hearing that compliment made me feel a sliver of cheerfulness in my heart. When you go outside and see someone clearly older than you- you must say that they look young. Then, whatever path you are taking will go smoothly. I used to work in a clothing shop- if an older lady entered the shop, I would always call them “jie.” At that time, I thought if I used one of three phrases: This makes you look thin/pale/young, then I would have a 60% successful buy rate. So even if they know you're telling a lie, if it makes the other person happy then they’re more likely to spend their money. XD

37:51 C: Why isn’t anyone commenting? LYN: You’re lagging. Why don’t you find someplace to connect to wifi? The screen is full of comments. LYN: You’re not in another stream, are you? Are you in another space/dimension? Are you watching my stream from a parallel universe? My stream is full of people but you can’t see any of them. You’re in a parallel universe. - /Daimi barking/ LYN: /to Daimi/ Be quiet! Shush.

38:40 C: Lao-da, I learned how to ride a horse. LYN: Congrats! But let me give you some advice. I always keep in mind this saying: “stubborn mouths will be beaten to death, and good swimmers can drown.” (one should be cautious and not boastful) It’s something my grandparents taught me. I won’t explain the first half, but the second- for someone like me who’s afraid of water and can’t swim- I will stay far away from rivers, lakes, and seas. If someone says, “Let’s go play in the water!” I will never go. So it’ll be difficult for me to drown. LYN: You said you know how to ride now. I shot a drama before, and they asked the actors, “Who knows how to ride already?” and I told them I didn’t know how. But they replied, “Huh? I thought I saw a video before- weren’t you riding very fluently?” I told them, “I don’t know how to ride, really. I was just going into it blind.” But there was a kid by me, who said that he knew how to ride very well and had been doing it since young. He fell from his horse. LYN: So- in regard to horseback riding, the reason why I am still afraid is because I am wary of each horse I meet. You have to keep your distance from these animals, because in the end it’s not YOUR horse. For example, if you go out and you see a dog. Would you just walk right up to it and pet it? You don’t know if it bites. It’s the same logic with a horse. It may be very happy to have been fed a carrot, but the next moment it can think you look like a carrot and want to eat you. So, you have to be cautious. Even if you think you know how to ride one now, you still have to be careful. Ride slowly. Safety is your priority. Ok?

42:08 - /reiterates that it’s useless to ask him about updates (air dates) on his dramas/ - TXJ was about to drop before he even recorded the OST for it, so he had to record it in a hurry. - Pretty much will record an OST for almost every drama he’s in.

43:44 - Comment asking him if he’s had any cosmetic surgery done LYN: I’ve asked the doctors before and they’ve just shaken their heads. “There’s no helping you.” XD C: Just slightly. LYN: Slightly WHERE? You need to tell me where I need to get the work done. I don’t really do much anyway- the only part I need to improve is my skin. I think the biggest problem on my face is that my eyes are small. The camera already told me, “Your eyes are too small, I can’t autofocus.” But if I get my eyes done, I feel like I’ll look like a whole different person so I just let it go. Everywhere else is… pretty acceptable. :) I have a nose, I have a mouth- they’re decent. I can’t say they look nice, but they’re acceptable. LYN: I remember there was some board that ranked artists based on their features alone. I had nose and mouth, but I didn’t have eyes. But among all those features, I was up in the ranks. Not first, but still high up. When the results were announced and they saw it was me they were dumbfounded. But I didn’t see the results in the eyes ranking, and I don’t want to know.

46:57 C: Is there still hope for a concert this year? LYN: Probably not. I asked the company I collaborate with the other day and they told me that I probably won’t be able to hold my concert this year because there are no venues. After I’m finished with my current business, I’ll start working on the plans for my concert. It’s time, and I SHOULD have one. I still owe you a stop from last time, too. I’ve owed you Wuhan for four years. My fans are really faithful, too- none of them have returned their ticket. They bought a ticket for a concert four years ago they never got to see, but still have not asked for a refund. LYN: But- I was lying in bed thinking about this- I’m sure that there are a bunch of people who bought tickets for that stop who have since stopped being my fan. More or less, I’m sure people have stopped being a fan. For example, if I had 8k sold out tickets at the time, I don’t believe that there wasn’t any loss among all 8k of you. There is no such probability. // It’s been four years since they bought the ticket and I’m sure that with all the amazing people debuting every year they’ve long since stopped being my fan. They could have gotten married and had children, and have stopped chasing stars. They could have started doing something else entirely. That’s all normal and expected. But the thing is- they never returned the ticket. They might be using this last ticket as… a show of decency towards me. That’s what I think, at least. I don’t know if they really feel that way, though. LYN: Friends- there’s another possibility. /setting up the bgm/ Another possibility for why it’s been four years but they have not returned the ticket, is because… they forgot. They forgot their account log in, or they forgot where they put the ticket. So... even now, they have not been returned. It’s possible that not only have they forgotten the ticket, they have also already forgotten me. That’s fine, then. Let us separate in this jianghu and bid one another well. Let us maintain this last bit of… decency. C: I’m gonna cry! C: Ning-ge, what if they watch this stream and then remember, and return the ticket? LYN: /laughs/ /stops/ They wouldn’t, right?! I just reminded them??

51:55 LYN: It’s possible that I’ll hold my concert next year. I remember someone earlier said, “Ning-ge, I’ll study well and when I get a scholarship I’ll come to see you.” Actually, you don’t need to do that. If you’ve won a scholarship, you can buy something for yourself, or your family members. You can use it to make your daily life that much more livable. Later when you’ve graduated and found a job, and have the ability to make money of your own- you can come to watch my concert then. You don’t need to rush. I can wait for you. LYN: But- it’s going to happen next year, so you can start filling your piggy banks with money. I think it’s quite fun. The first concert I watched- other than my own- was… Mao Buyi’s or Mayday? I forgot the order. Was it MBY? It must have been MBY first, then Mayday second. Last time, I was also a special guest for Zhang Bichen’s concert. After I went to her concert, I wanted to have my own. I just think that of having people line up and wait to enter the venue… when I saw that image I was touched. All these people have come for a singer that they like, like a big gathering. And a concert is a lot different than seeing people perform on a regular stage. I’ve been to all sorts of stages, and when you’re on stage singing, you sort of get the feeling like you’re just a performer. You’re only just a singer. I don’t know if describing it that way is the best. But at your own concert, around 70-80% of the people there are there for YOU. Even if you’re on stage and you tell a joke that’s maybe not very funny- everyone in the audience will still have fun. They’ll indulge you. LYN: They’ll be excited. I saw clip from someone else’s concert- for example, if they hate this artist’s company. The artist was thanking their company, and the audience members were shouting “Go out of business!” Or: Artist: “Thank you Sina Weibo.” Audience: THANK YOU!” LYN: They’re really enjoying it. I just think that having all these people here for you, to share your feelings and to be influenced by you- that sort of passion is something I really enjoy. LYN: That “Go out of business!” was louder than anything else. It was amusing. As a viewer myself, I could feel that the whole mood was really “high”. Very interesting.

57:30 C: Lao-da, you’re thinner. LYN: When I was an actor, I would think of scenarios on how to respond to you. But now as a singer whenever you say something to me, I can only think of one song: “Brother, you’ve gotten thinner. You look exhausted.” (lyrics to 兄弟抱一下) But really, I’ve not gotten thinner. I’m still the same, because I’ve been trying more or less to maintain this weight.

59:00 - /he’s trending, so he (and Daimi) thank the fans/

1:00:00 C: Ning-ge, for your concert, can you be your own organizer? LYN: You sure have some wild ambition. This is like going into a restaurant to eat hotpot, then coming out of it wanting to make your own hotpot shop. It’s like eating a dish and saying, “I can cook this, too!” If you walk into a clothing shop, you’d say, “I can make this, too!” If you buy a bag, you’ll say, “I can sew this, too.” There are things that you can’t do. If you see someone act in a drama, you’d say, “I can shoot that drama, too!” What I’m trying to get at is that there are professionals for a reason. Things aren’t as easy as you may think. LYN: I know someone has done it before, though. But even though I’m not the organizer I still have the authority to make decisions, because this is MY concert. I tell them how I want it to go and a whole team helps to make it happen. // It’s not like before, when I was singing by the side of the road. All I needed then was a laptop, two instrumentalists, and two boxes. - at least 10 stops, if not more

1:02:53 C: Lao-da, are your headphones on the wrong way? LYN: Are they? Whatever. But it’s written here- Left-Right. This is right (pointing at “L”). Oh? This is right?!? In the mirror image, this is “R”, so it’s on my right side. They’re flipped.

1:04:32 C: Where’s your hat? LYN: What do you mean?? Does my hair look bad today? Friends- you can monitor me- I used to not care about how I looked, but these days I’ve been taking special care about it. Today’s look is all about the “foolish boy at the village entrance.” There’s a character here. I’m not only a singer and an actor, but on normal days I also give myself a character. Today I am the foolish boy at the village entrance. The type whose family has a lot of land and money, but the child is not too bright. That’s me. - C: Lao-da, will you invite Zhang Bichen to your concert? LYN: I don’t know. I’ll have to see if she has time. If she does, then she’ll come. If she doesn’t, then forget it. We’ll see. - C: This type of person is just lacking the drool. LYN: What do you mean? Let me tell you- I can put this online and have you morally kidnapped. What- are you looking down on people whose intelligence is not very high? - C: Invite Xiao Qi-ge. (Ren Xianqi) LYN: We’ll see when the time comes. I probably will invite him, though. Honestly… I had invited him to the Wuhan stop, last time. We had just finished with WMDG and I invited him and he very nicely agreed to come. But… then it couldn’t happen. I will definitely invite him when I finally get this going. We even had the song picked out! We were going to sing 后来.

1:09:25 LYN: I’ve discovered that people really care about my face. Maybe it’s because I’ve been showing up a lot lately. Someone asked if I went to get double-eyelid surgery. My eyes have not changed- neither bigger nor smaller- so what would be the point if I HAD gotten the surgery?? Merely to add another wound? I haven’t gotten anything done. And ALSO- no one gets them cut anymore. I can tell you’re not in the business. Everyone nowadays does “mai xian” (bury thread). If you don’t like it you can take it out and redo it. If you want it this thick /measures with his fingers/ you can do that. Later when it’s not trendy anymore you can take that out and change it. Who uses knives, nowadays??

1:11:10 C: Can you play 阿楚姑娘 (A-Chu Guniang) next?  LYN: I can do that. Maybe I can do a reaction. That was fun. Hold on- let me see if I can make it happen. I don’t know if it will go on a vertical screen, but horizontal is usually fine. I can! LYN: This song is called 阿楚姑娘- I remember a long time ago that- no, forget it. I shouldn’t say. This ep was livestreamed, and I really like it because 1. it’s fun (you’ll feel nervous and excited), and 2. it’s fast. You just record the song then leave. LYN: I was really nervous singing this song. A lot of you may know that the hardest part of a male-female duet is the decision of key, because our ranges are different. Especially with Shila-laoshi. She’s amazing- her high notes are awesome and her technique is strong. But me? I can’t do high notes. I’m a mid-tone through and through. So it was difficult for us to pick a key. The first note especially- since we started in the female key- was hard to find. I look relaxed- with my eyes closed- but in reality I was listening for the beat. I was super nervous. It was a livestream, so if you sang badly it would be out there. The internet would give you an instant reaction. 1:16:42 LYN: That day- honestly speaking, I am not a very technical singer. There are singers with good technique, but I am not one of them. My technique is not very strong. I don’t even know what my strong points are. In any case, even though I do not use techniques I think my singing that day was pretty good. Of course, there were mistakes- there’s no way there are zero mistakes. Shila-laoshi had none, though. :) I was talking about myself. There are bound to be mistakes made, on my part. That section just now was okay though. - /comments on where he made a mistake/didn’t execute a note well/ LYN: Okay, that’s enough. “Emotional/Sensitive Boy” is done. I just thought that I hadn’t done as well as I had during rehearsals. It’s okay though- for a livestream, it’s enough to just make it through the song. 

1:19:55 - starts pointing out all the things that went wrong with 一路上有你 (You and Me On the Road) LYN: It’s not a difficult song, but- let me tell you about it. She (Ms.OOJA) sang very well- stable, in tune, and with technique. The tone of her voice is very nice. /pauses where he comes in/ Very low. I remember very clearly that the first time we rehearsed for this song, I couldn’t find the right key, which ate at me. It’s so LOW! I was dazed when I first heard it. Later I thought about it some more and was able to execute.

1:25:50 - doesn’t play 赤裸裸 bc there was a problem with the sound receiving. The fancam is fine, but on the broadcast version there’s a sound delay.

1:26:40 C: Do 这蔚蓝 (Azure). LYN: Nah. // It was a hard song. I won’t do a reaction, though. If it were me in the past I would, but now… I don’t dare to say anything. When I used to say things, it was as a joke or or entertainment. But now if you say one wrong thing and cross someone, it can become a huge problem. C: Ning-ge, then tell us secretly. LYN: Is this what you mean? If I say it in a small voice, then people won’t know- is that it? LYN: It’s nothing. I can do a reaction to it, I just don’t have any particularly strong impression. It’s normal. I liked it. Why don’t we do it? For fun. LYN: This song is difficult- to me. The key is a little high for me, then I use falsetto, then I have to come back and continue. It’s difficult for me to sing- I was under a lot of pressure. I look like I’m feeling the song but really I’m very nervous. You think the frown on my face is because my heart is full of melancholy, but it’s actually full of nerves. // When I close my eyes, I’m actually looking to the feeling. I have to separate myself from the world, leaving only me and the music. I have to close my eyes so I don’t see the masses of other people’s fans in the audience. I don’t want to see them picking their fingers- it’ll affect my performance. So I close my eyes to block out the rest of the world. But here comes the headache: when you close your eyes, you can no longer see the lyrics on the prompter. So I still have to open my eyes. - /narrates how he’s feeling/what he’s thinking during the rest of the song/ LYN: When I’m streaming, just listen to what I’m saying for entertainment. Please don’t take it seriously.

1:33:20 - /reaction to 你敢吗 (Do You Dare?)/ LYN: I wasn’t as nervous for this song, because it’s more or less in my comfort zone. LYN: When people are singing you have to do it with feeling. What you want to express with this type of song is the feeling. You have to enter a state of mind. If you sing it normally, It’d be like this: /soulless singing/. But for this song you have to enter a state of mind; when you’re singing, you’re actually brainwashing yourself. Deceive yourself. - /at the buildup/ LYN: Actually, I didn’t prepare well for this part. You didn’t hear it, did you? This part was too loose. In the previous part I wanted to find that loose feeling- it’s different from relaxed- that feeling that you’re really into the music and the emotion- the weariness towards life, that yearning/searching for light, that painstaking process. But for this line- I was too carefree in the previous part and the next thing I knew- the next line up was so long! I wasn’t prepared but I still took a secret breath. But at the end of the line I didn’t have enough breath left. Listen- // I didn’t have breath here, but with my years of stage experience, I timed my breath with the pause well enough that you couldn’t hear that there was a break. - /stops trying to explain himself, because he’s not “professional”/ LYN: To anyone watching my stream who has a profession in music- these are just my immature thoughts- I am not a professional/I am not learned in music. I learned how to cook. All of my understanding of music is just from years of personal experience, so I hope the professional musicians out there can… not pick on me. // Also- I am only commenting/judging myself.

1:40:58 --- Break #1

1:46:45 C: My dad says that you are a “kid with positive energy” LYN: Thank you, uncle. I AM a kid with positive energy. You’re right. C: My mom says you LOOK very positive energy. LYN: /laughs/ That sounds… complicated. I don’t know how to respond to that. What do you mean I LOOK very positive energy? What does that look like?

1:48:09 LYN: I came on tonight because it’s been a long time since I last streamed and I wanted to chat with you. If there’s anything you want to chat with me about, you can let me know. I’ve been on a lot of stages and everything lately- and even did some reaction video. When I get the chance I want to react to regular variety shows, too. It’s content, and I can watch a show with everyone. We can comment on celebrities and make snide remarks about LYN, etc. 1:48:57 C: Ning-ge, have you been on a travel variety? LYN: Hey, now that you mention it! If there’s an opportunity, I would go. 

1:49:14 C: Ge, can you buy a phone case for me? LYN: I can’t do that. For anyone who comes into my stream and starts wanting stuff from me- you can leave. Who asks for a prize for watching a stream? This reminds me of years ago when I was singing on the street. - /describes how some local shops would commission the Modern Bros to promote their shop/hand out items for them. People weren’t there to listen to him sing, they were there to collect the free things he was passing out./ LYN: As long as I held on to the items with one hand and the mic in the other, they couldn’t leave. (in the break between verses, he would hand them out again). C: Why does that sound so sad? LYN: I don’t think there’s anything sad about it. That’s just life. It was the normal life of a young man who wanted to pursue music. Sometimes- I’m not trying to complain- /stops playing Westlife bc it makes it sound pitying/ I’m willing to share this with you. I’m thankful for the experiences I went through. Including singing on the street, grilling corn, being a waiter, being an attendant in the bath house, selling clothes, and even starting my own stall. I think these are all good experiences. To the me now, they were good experiences. I’m sure that there are people out there now, who are going through what I did. These experiences were good for me because they let me see all sorts of things- human nature and how to make a living. These things gave me experience and motivation. Whether for my acting or singing, these experiences are of a great help. LYN: I don’t think it’s sad, because my situation has turned for the better now.

1:54:52 - 寻岸 (Search For Shore) [Dark Night and Dawn OST] LYN: Because I was working on my album, I had collected a bunch of demos and I quite liked this song. But I didn’t choose it at the time because I didn’t want my album to sound too depressing. I liked it, but not enough to put it on my album, but at the same time I REALLY liked it. I was conflicted. So of the two songs I had, I picked the other one to put onto my album, and let this one go. Later a drama reached out to me, asking me to sing the OST- and it was this song! What a coincidence! // Originally, I would have spent money to make my album, but with this job I’m actually making money! What a happy coincidence. So I gladly sang this OST for them. C: It was meant to be yours. LYN: Yes. You get that feeling sometimes, once you hear it you’ll think “this sounds like mine.” - /shows off his new filters/ - /broke his camera’s focus again X’D/

2:02:23 C: This is too funny. My cheeks hurt. LYN: Such an amazing performance and you think it was funny?? What artists’ stream does this to them? Is there ANY normal artist out there who does this? You think it’s funny? Shouldn’t you be thinking that it’s amazing?? Isn’t this too wonderful??? Shouldn’t you be clapping for me??!! LYN: Your words are making me think that I am just a clown. C: You’re not a clown, you’re handsome (xiao shuai). LYN: /meme/ Pay attention, this man is called “xiao shuai”-

2:03:58 C: Ning-ge, that line “Woman, you’re playing with fire”- did you add that in yourself? LYN: You saw the ZLYM trailer and are now asking me if I added that line in? I don’t dare to respond! People are going to start saying that I added scenes for myself. I can’t take more of that. LYN: Now when I’m acting, sometimes I can have an improvised response, but I don’t dare to say them out loud. I don’t want someone to grab the script later and say, “That line wasn’t in there. LYN, you’re adding scenes for yourself now?? You must have resources backing you, and that’s why you have the gall to add your own scenes.” It’s a trauma for me now. LYN: But I did actually add that line. You might think it’s unreasonable or incongruous now, but when you’re watching the drama you’ll see that it fits.

2:06:00 LYN: I’m joking. I’m not adding scenes, but- I don’t know when it started that you have to follow the script strictly. When actors are on the scene, all of us will improvise sometimes. There’s no way we can stick to the script 100%. Actors have their own understanding and expression, and are able to play with improv. A lot of drama interactions are not scripted- but based off our interactions with each other; they’re all created with director’s input, though. I was joking when I said that I don’t dare to add scenes for myself, because actually it has nothing to do with that. As long as I act my own role well, I don’t care about much else. Because it’s not something I can influence either way. The only thing I can do is play my own part, and if I have any ideas I will bring it up with the director. After getting permission, then I actually express them. All of my ideas are to better fulfill my role. As an actor, you need to find ways for the audience to remember you. // I don’t want to talk about this in too much detail, because I don’t understand it (not learned). It’s just things that I have observed after these many years of filming. - /talks about a time a director wanted him to act- “There are no lines for this scenes. Just sit here. You’re drinking. You can chat about whatever you want to.” and how the last time he felt like this was with SYXSSYX when Li Muge (director) wanted him to act a scene three different ways. You have to use your understanding of the character to act instinctually./ - /thinks this is fun for lesser known actors, though. he prefers that the director or acting partner allows space for creativity and improv., because he has a quicker reaction time and his automatic responses can be fun and more accurate/real than what’s scripted./

2:10:40 LYN: Friends, have you noticed that there are rules for awards ceremonies, now? They don’t want you to say “fans”, you have to say “song appreciators.”

2:12:00 C: Why is there a scar on your chest? LYN: How do you know there’s a scar on my chest?? Were you the doctor that gave me my physical? LYN: Oh, I know- that time I took a pic with Shila and my collar was a little wide, so you saw a spot on my chest. Well, since you already know about it I might as well tell you. Many of you have discovered that there is a so-called “scar” on my chest. The truth is- this is a long story. I’ll make it short. Some people think it’s a birthmark, but it’s not. /exaggerating/ I really don’t want to recall this experience, it hurts too much. Birthmark… Someone else’s pain comes out of your mouth as just a simple “birthmark.” That’s so shallow! This event happened about a month ago. I woke up one day and I don’t know why, but I really wanted to eat hotpot. - /tldr; he ended up getting a blister (?)  that wouldn’t go away and has now reduced to a dark colored spot/ 2:17:58 - /discussing the position of the blister(?), and why it grew on his chest when usually they appear on the butt./ - (in summary) LYN: Are we really going to go there? Or should we discuss- from a medical understanding/perspective? And if we really do discuss this, would it affect my market value? 2:19:55 - /afraid that there are new fans who have come into the stream because he looks like an interesting person in interviews and during his dramas, but they listen to the stream and find him talking about weird medical stuff instead./ C: Then you’ll have gained a fan because of it. LYN: You must be sick! You have nothing else to be a fan of, so you become a fan of a blister?? - /confesses that though he found it disgusting at first, he got addicted to watching ear-cleaning videos… and blackhead plucking videos. >.> As well as carpet cleaning, and restoration videos (slightly more normal territory)./ - doesn’t watch ocean-catching, because he grew up by a river and has done it himself. - will watch hoof trimming videos, but not human callous removal ones - not interested in watching mukbangs.

2:25:25 - actually, wants to be a content creator. if you do it right, you can make a lot of money. C: You can be the type that roasts people/things. LYN: I was roasted myself not too long ago… They get really high views, though. MY highest viewed video doesn’t even reach the highest view count from a video roasting me. It doesn’t really have to be very professional, either- the video’s can look this like: /pulls up some filters/ “Where does LYN find the courage to shoot historical dramas? How is he even qualified to work opposite these actors??” LYN: I was disappointed with the app, so I barely even open it anymore. 2:27:30 LYN: But something fun is that I used to watch those reaction videos, of people’s complaints about dramas/the actors. “This script is unreasonable” or “this actor didn’t do a good job”- I would watch those videos secretly. I didn’t dare to watch them out in the open. I was afraid my friends would find out and break ties with me. Sometimes when I watched videos of them roasting my friends, I would be watching seriously. Not to make fun of them (!); because I understand my friends. But who would have thought that starting last year the main star in these videos would become myself. It’s an interesting feeling. LYN: There were some uploaders, whose videos I would watch according to their upload schedule. That week I continuously kept seeing myself. In a fit, I blocked them all. I had even given them money before! GIVE IT BACK TO ME!! // I started on this app to find happiness. I have a membership! I PAID for this?! LYN: I’m joking. Please don’t take it seriously. Honestly, most of these creators rely on ad revenue to make money. Yet others can be bought and commissioned to make controversial videos. I found about this fairly recently. One of my friend’s drama was airing, and it was being terribly ridiculed. The company thought they could contact some creators and pay them to create more positive videos of the drama. These creators have some morals, and said that they would only accept a fraction of the pay. Because they had already accepted money to create the negative videos in the first place, they would not accept money to now create a positive video which would essentially slap themselves in the face. In the end there weren’t any creators who made more positive videos of the drama later. LYN: It’s interesting and there was a time I thought it would be fun if I was also in that line of business. At the very least, there are people with morality who follow the rules. If you accept one side’s money, you do not accept the opposing side’s as well. Unlike some paparazzi, who sell a set of photos to a fan then later sell the same photos to another one. There’s no morality in that.

2:32:15 C: Ning-ge, how is the album coming along? LYN: It’s the same as it has been. That is- it’s almost finished. Very soon! It’s always the two words, “very soon”! I’m working on it. I’ve been on a music variety program lately- as you all know- if you watch you can tell that picking a song in this industry is a difficult thing to do. The songwriters who were even able to be ON the show are already very amazing. They’re already known in the industry. I’ve worked with most of them before, and will ask them for songs. When they send something over, it doesn’t mean that the song isn’t good, just that the song doesn’t suit me. I still have to release songs that I like, after all. You can’t just tell me to record and release a song that I don’t even like. It’s hard for me to find one that I like, and when I do I’ll keep it and sing it. C: What are you recording? LYN: Songs from my album- some that I’ve collaborated with others on, and OSTs mostly. C: How many songs are you still lacking? LYN: Two. I recorded one, but still need two more. I asked a friend the other day for a song and I’m considering it. I’m hesitating. But it’s no problem. It’ll be quick. LYN: You all still have songs to listen to, right? I’ve been releasing OSTs. For all the dramas that will be airing in the near future- I’ve pretty much sung an OST for all of them. That includes ZLYM, and also.. I think Fangs of Fortune is airing? I don’t know anything officially- I just know what I see on the internet. I also get my news from yxh accounts. I find out when my own dramas are airing from yxh, too. C: When is ZLYM airing? LYN: I don’t remember. Why don’t you go look it up? I don’t know, either- I also find out through yxh.

2:25:20 - replies to a comment on cutting his hair- it’s “to make me look younger” - won’t stream for too long, just wants to chat and test his new equipment; mentions he should either adjust the settings or find different equipment for the stream. LYN: I used the search term: “lighting and equipment for a visual male streamer” /laughs/. I’m joking. I just looked up “(livestream) equipment” but there was an article for tips on lighting for a male streamer, so I clicked in to secretly learn. Then I bought a bunch of lights and stuff. But now I’m realizing it doesn’t really work. C: Ning-ge, there are people who can adjust the settings for you. LYN: Me? If they adjust my settings for me- wouldn’t they recognize me?? Or you want me to wear a mask- the Spiderman mask- for them to adjust to that they won’t recognize me? But that would defeat the purpose of an adjustment. C: Turn on a filter. LYN: What’s the point, then?? - /likens it to when you’re on stage and the sound technicians want to adjust your mic and sound settings, but instead of speaking normally, you’re quacking like a duck./

2:39:16 C: I really like the drama with you and Tao-jie, Be Your Own Light. LYN: Thank you. I didn’t have very many scenes, but I did enjoy shooting them. I gained a lot from that drama. It was my first proper modern drama. Shooting with all the laoshi you can really learn a lot! Tao-jie took good care of me, and we get along well. That’s why during the promotions and livestream we were able to make jokes with each other. C: Will you accept scripts for modern dramas? LYN: Of course. But for right now I want to come back to being a singer. My own thinking is that as soon as two more of my dramas start airing, I will start with acting again. Right now is a good time for me to come back to being a singer, because I still have a lot of my “song appreciators” out there.  C: What will your next drama be? LYN: I have accepted any yet! I have scripts but I haven’t looked through them. I’ll leave it for now, and look at the scripts when I have some time. If there are any suitable dramas for me among them, then I’ll start making arrangements. I want to be a singer now, though. I want to work on being a streamer, too. I want to be able to sing when I have time, act, and also stream a little on the side.

2:42:20 C: Ning-ge, you’re dazzling when you’re on the stage. LYN: You mean that now I’m just average? I’m not very shiny right now? What about if I turn on a filter? Do I look a little brilliant now? - /playing with filters/ - Fall in Love - /ends up with a… “soaking in water” filter, LOL/

2:47:40 -- break #2

2:53:35 LYN: I just remembered I bought something that I haven’t shown off to you yet. Hold on a second… - /comes back with a zootopia nick wilde hat on/ 2:55:53 LYN: Hello, children! // Oh, my goodness! What are you doing? LYN: I had bought the bunny hat, and this one. The last time I went to Disney, I didn’t buy them. I cant remember if they were out of stock, or what. But I went again this time so I bought them. - /chatting about having fun and relaxing at the park/ C: You must have been tired from taking photos with everyone. LYN: That part was okay. I was more worried about blocking the foot-traffic and affecting other people’s time in the park. I’m not saying I’m a big celebrity or anything- the fact that people want to take pictures with me means that at least they think I’m worthy of it. If you want to take a picture with me, that’s no problem. The thing is though, no matter how big of a celebrity you are, inside the park there’s no way you’ll be more popular than Minnie Mouse. Can you be as popular as Donald Duck? Right? So I didn’t want to make myself out like some hotshot celebrity, and make a ruckus while taking photos with people in the park. You SHOULD be taking photos with LinaBell. Who am I?? LYN: Since you wanted to, I took some photos. But for the most part I just wanted to walk around. You kept coming in waves, and honestly that did make me want to run away. That’s why I ended up not having as much fun, so I left. C: You didn’t have fun? LYN: It has nothing to do with “fun.” I mean- there’s really not much to do after you’ve been on the rides once. Mainly I go just to walk around and be surrounded by the happy and excited atmosphere. I’m there the relax, not to have fun. Something simple like walking around and eating a popsicle made me happy. C: Ning-ge, next time go secretly. LYN: Did I announce it to anyone this time around or something?? Did I post a weibo to someone, saying that I was going? I didn’t.

3:01:00 - /talks about the Wuhan concert stop. He’ll prob do two stops- one for the show he owes (2019), and one for the new tour./ LYN: I discussed this earlier, didn’t I? All the tickets for that stop had sold, but by now I’m sure that many of those people have stopped being my fan or forgotten. This time when I hold the stop I owe, all the tickets will be sold out but there will only be 100 people in the audience. X’D That’d be pretty funny, actually. C: Ning-ge, can I get in without a ticket? LYN: I don’t know what you mean. Are you trying to play the pity card with me? “Ning-ge, I’m a student. I don’t have a ticket, but can I watch your concert?” You’re like those customers who try to haggle down something that’s being sold for $5k down to $500 because “I’m a student”. I don’t know if that’s doable. Usually when I watch a concert, I have to show a ticket. How about this- why don’t you go to the entrance and try it? Tell the office that you don’t have a ticket but you want to watch the concert, so will they let you in? I’m not watching the doors, so you’ll have to ask one of the employees. I don’t really know. C: I’ll be watching the front door- can I go watch? LYN: You mean that you’re the person checking the tickets? But if you come in to watch the concert, who will be watching the doors?! With no one watching the doors, ANYONE can come in.

3:04:30 C: It’s okay, I still have some hair. You can pull it. LYN: What does this mean? Actually what you want to say is, “It’s okay, Ning-ge. Hold your concert. I have some money left in my pocket, and can buy a ticket to support you.” It’s actually a good thing. But they’re want to burden me with the way they phrased it. It seems like you want to be a talk show actor. // So another way of saying it is that because I decided to hold a concert, I’m over here pulling your hair? (like it’s his fault) This burden… this doesn’t sound like a joke. That is- it’s not a very funny comment. LYN: My fans should all know that I’m cool. I don’t really want to pull your hair, and I wouldn’t find it polite to do so. That’s why most of the time my songs are all free, and why I don’t accept business proposals and all that complicated stuff. 

3:06:50 C: Ning-ge, how about this. If I can’t or am unable to buy a ticket, sing louder. That way I can hear from outside the stadium. LYN: If they let me, I can do that. As long as it doesn’t disturb the public, I could  connect to speakers on the outside. You can stand outside and “watch”- that’s okay with me. As long as it’s allowed. But I don’t think it will be allowed. If it were a sports venue with an open top, that would probably be okay. The problem is that mine will probably be held in a closed venue. It’s sealed and soundproof. C: Ning-ge, I’m a college student and wiling to go be a volunteer. LYN: I’m not in charge of outsourcing, so there’s no point in telling me that.

3:07:50 C: Ning-ge, do you like watching talkshows? LYN: I haven’t ever seen one live, but I’ve come across clips online. 

3:08:27 C: I’ll go dance for you. LYN: Um… I want to tell you something, and it’s not because I’m looking down on you- let me take my glasses off so I can tell you seriously- I’m not looking down on you, nor do I think you’re not worthy to dance for me. That’s not it. It’s because I have to sell tickets for this performance. Stage setting, sound, etc. These are things people are paying to see. It’s not a joke, and not just a fun dance in the square. I’m not just setting up a pair of speakers in a courtyard and dancing. It’s not the same level. You can dance for me, but you’d have to be a professional dancer. LYN: Or, how about you attend my concert, and you can dance from your seat? Only the hands. Just don’t stand up, or the security guards might kick you out. You can sit off the stage (in the seats) and dance. Okay?

3:10:10 C: Is there a discount for students? LYN: I don’t know about the concert ticket, but you can probably get a discount on the train ticket. I’m not sure, because I’ve never had a student certification. I’ve never used one, so I don’t know.  Because I went to school in the same place, and I didn’t go to college.

3:11:00 C: A four-sided stage! LYN: I went to ZBC’s concert and sang on her four-sided stage. I think the good thing is that… You can see from anywhere, and there are more front row seats. :) That means I can sell more of the more expensive front-row tickets. I’m joking. What I wanted to say is that all four sides have a “front row.” In a normal concert there’s only the one front-facing row of front-row seats. You’d be missing out on selling those tickets because there aren’t enough seats. That’s a joke, okay? LYN: The good thing is that the distance is closer- you can be closer to more people. I don’t know what the bad thing would be... I just wasn’t used to it. I went to- to cameo. What am I, acting? I went to be a special guest and I felt like I had to keep moving around. I was going from here to there and back- just wandering around the whole time. I’m just not used to it. We’ll see if I ever hold one like that, but for now I don’t think I can accept it. If singing doesn’t make me tired, walking across the stage will. The stages that extend into the crowd are okay, but if it’s just four-sided and there’s nothing to do but walk around- like shopping- I wouldn’t be accustomed to it. I still need a big screen for a background, so it can show things. 

- /he’ll be tearing off his shirt when he’s 60, like he promised. right now he’s making enough money to buy the shirts./ - /daimi just ate, so he’ll show us her later./ - /was going to talk about the music festival but… doesn’t know/doesn’t dare to say anything/

3:16:05 C: Ning-ge, didn’t you say you would go on music varieties often? LYN: Music varieties are actually hard. The hardest part- especially for music variety shows- is to seek investment/funding. Many shows have come for me the past two years; but if they don’t have the funding they’re never going to take off. If you think about it, there haven’t been many music variety shows lately. I was on WMDG, which is DragonTV but they’re and old customer/frequently worked with. The other one I’m on is Melody Journey, which is also very good. I’m not saying that because I already recorded with them and now I need to shower my praises. It’s because they’re doing something I think is really meaningful. The cast is great- objectively speaking, and excluding myself- they’re well-known in the industry and have their own representative works. The singer-songwriters are also well-known! I don’t mean to criticize or compare, but you’ll notice that in most of the other shows we’re only just singing covers. There hasn’t been a program for original music in many years. There hasn’t been a way to show off new music in quite some time, unlike how with the short content media where one old song becomes popular, played over and over for a week or half a month, then blows over again. A show for original content is rare and risky. As a singer, the fact that such a program exists, is meaningful and it takes a lot of courage to pull off. LYN: With covers, the song already has a base popularity. Just like with novels. If you buy the rights for an already popular novel- hold on, why did I bring acting into this? The thing is if you find an already popular song to cover, everyone would have already heard it. But with original music, they’re all NEW songs and it’s the first time people are hearing them. If they’re good, great! If they’re not good, you’ll never hear it again. Even if a song isn’t that good, once it’s made it to the short video platform and you listen to it on repeat for a few loops you might even start to like it. I just think that a show like this is very meaningful. 

3:20:30 C: You’ll be singing 偷心 tomorrow. LYN: Who told you that? Don’t make assumptions about my stage performances. LYN: I’ll be singing this song tomorrow- 奇妙惊喜 (Magical Surprise). That’s why I’m listening to it now- so I can practice. C: They already released a video of the rehearsal. LYN: I know. That’s only a portion. Actually I’m singing 18 songs tomorrow and that’s one of them.

3:21:38 C: Does the Liu Group Business Empire have more episodes? LYN: You like to hear me tell stories? There are no more episodes. LYN: You’re just a normal person, so don’t even think about trying to make any connections with the Liu Group. /slap/

3:22:20 C: Ning-ge, did you change your headphones? LYN: Wow, your attention to detail is amazing. These are such big headphones- can you not tell that they’re new? I feel like I’m dressed for winter! (wearing earmuffs) C: Your stage earbuds. LYN: You’re so attentive, you even know about that? I went to record for a program and brought a sound technician with me, who asked me what type of earbuds I was using. I told them which ones I was using (from before), and they let me know that there’s a new model out and let me try theirs. They had just received them from abroad, and would let me borrow them. So I tried them, and I couldn’t tell if they were good or bad. But I figured I’d been using the old pair for six years and it was about time to change. So I told them I would use theirs for the show and to become accustomed to them. Later, I asked them to buy a pair for me. At first they wanted to gift me theirs, but I told them not to because they’re expensive. So, I changed my earbuds. The new ones are more suited to live shows. C: What about the in-ears? LYN: I didn’t buy customized in-ears. Because then you’d need to get a kit and take a mold of your ear, then send it back to America to be made and sent back. I just bought a standard pair- just like one you would normally use, with the universal large or small. It’s all good- there’s not much of a difference. 3:25:40 C: Why are you wearing headphones to livestream? LYN: For appearances. Actually, there’s no sound coming from them. 1. For appearances and 2. My house is cold, so I’m wearing them to warm my ears. LYN: Kidding! Some of you my not know, so let me explain. With the headphones, I can hear myself talk and also the music. Everything you hear- is what I hear. I can monitor with these, as I need to hear what I’m saying. Sometimes I’ll sing, and instead of going through the trouble to set up a pair of speakers here, I can just listen to the track through my headphones instead. Before, I was wearing the earbuds and it was the same thing.

3:27:00 - /figuring out how long he’s streamed for, and how much longer/ LYN: Honestly it’s been a long time since I streamed last, and I’m not really in the right mood for it. I hope for your understanding, and when I’m in the mood I will come to stream again and we’ll have proper fun. // I just feel like I’m slow in thinking and I also don’t dare to say as much anymore. One of the things is that my drama is about to air soon, and I don’t want to say anything “explosive” that will negatively affect my work. So I’m trying to control myself, otherwise I might say something you might take offense to and then I’ll be in trouble again. I’ll give you an example, you may or may not understand: Let’s say there’s this thing- and I comment that LYN is ugly. If the thing comes true, it has nothing to do with me, because LYN is ugly. If it doesn’t come true, it DOES have to do with me, because LYN is ugly. I don’t want to take the blame, whether it’s a success or not.

3:30:15 C: Are you in Hengdian? LYN: I’m… (in Hengdian) in Beijing. Why? Do you want to come over and hit me? C: I’ll go ambush you tomorrow. Watch yourself. LYN: The internet isn’t a lawless place. If I report you, please undertand me. You can insult me, but you can’t threaten me.

3:31:35 C: Ning-ge, could you act as the big bad villain? LYN: /amused/ Because I don’t look like a good person, or what? If I act as a good Samaritan, it looks out of place?? Wasn’t there someone earlier whose dad said I looked like a person with positive energy??? Or was it their mom? And now you want me to act as a villain.

3:32:45 C: Ning-ge, I want to see you act in a comedy. LYN: That’s too hard. It’s the most difficult… So.. If there’s a chance, I guess. Let me hone my skills more, let me learn more. I will never think I’m good enough. LYN: Let me tell you, there’s this way of thinking- it’s also what I tell myself- I think people- no, I shouldn’t say this. I’ll tell you later.

3:33:33 C: What’s good to eat in Zhejiang? LYN: How would I know?? I don’t know. Why don’t you go to a public forum and look it up? Download a tourism app or something. Why would I know- I’m not from Zhejiang. I’m from Liaoning, Dandong. I’ve only ever been in Hengdian, and it’s just a town/city. - /but: transportation and delivery are fast, and restaurants are opened by people from all over. so you can get whatever you want whenever you want./

3:34:55 C: Can you talk about Melody Journey? LYN: I did earlier, didn’t I? It’s great. Normally we split into two parts for recording- first half on site with all the guests, and then the second half for performances we’ll go to Macau. C: Will there be a second season? LYN: I think so, because it’s a great program. Jiangsu is good at making music-varieties. But it’s really hard to say. This is like when people ask me if there’ll be a season 3 for KSTLB. If a program has enough funds/investors then any of them can come to fruition. So, to the person who asked this question, please work hard to create a business that’s as good as the Liu Group’s Business Empire. Then, you can invest as you wish. Just invest in whatever you want to watch. Okay? So study well and work hard. I hope that one day you can have a business empire as impressive as the Liu Group’s. 

3:36:40 C: Lao-da, when I have money I’ll ask you to be my producer. LYN: So what you mean is that you don’t think I’m suited for acting? /laughs/ I’m joking! LYN: You want me to be the producer so I can call the shots and pick my own director and actors? That’ll work. I hope you make a lot of money and when that time comes I’ll work for you.

3:27:15 C: Can you improve your acting a little? LYN: I’ve always been working on it! I’m always learning. My progress is already pretty quick, considering I’m just a cook. I know that the audience has no reason to wait for me, but I really am trying- learning how to perform and say my lines. I’m working hard on it. I don’t like to say anything about it, because I think that telling people that “I’m working so hard” is.. (pretentious). This friend, if you watch every one of my dramas, you’ll discover that I am improving over time. You can watch them, okay? My performance in later dramas is much different than in the beginning. I’ve started to act… randomly. That’s a joke!! I can’t tell you any nonsense with this. I DO improve in my later dramas, so I hope you can continue to follow me. I’m not like what you’ve seen before. 

3:38:40 LYN: But sometimes actors… /thinks about not finishing his thought/ Actors aren’t the most important part of the crew. Because there are a lot of things we don’t even have a say in- wardrobe, makeup, props. The only thing you can do anything with are the lines you’re given. There’s nothing I- at this point in my career- can do about it. I can’t influence what’s written in the script. LYN: Also, I’m the one being chosen, so I’m not that great. That’s why I hope you can make a lot of money so that I can be a producer instead. Jiayou. Work on your business empire. 3:40:30 C: Ning-ge, if someone invests and makes you a producer, can you let me act? LYN: You want to be a celebrity? Let me ask you something first- can you bear getting yelled at? The first thing you have to do is have a strong mental fortitude in order to work in this industry. All other data comes after. The first step to getting in this door is whether or not you can withstand being yelled at. You can say, “I have a thick skin. I can take it.” It’s nothing like what you’re thinking. It’s not just curse words. If it were, then I’d be more than ok.

3:42:10 C: Can you say anything about the SJYM trailer? LYN: I think it’s good, right? You all saw it. There’s not much else to say, because if I say more I would be spoiling the drama. It’s just a story about transmigrating into a script and it’s a bit… satirical. It plays on a lot of drama tropes. LYN: I’m sure a lot of of you have seen historical dramas, and particularly historical-idol dramas. For example when the FL is in danger, then the ML will always pop out of nowhere to save her. There are a few methods of saving her but one of them is: Grab them by the waist and turn in the air, time freezes. The FL is looking at the ML, and the ML looks determinedly ahead. In that moment, she’s reeled in and the plot begins. There are always these types of scenes, and every drama has it. The whole “hero saves the beauty” trope. Honestly, and I’ve said this before, we’ve been doing television dramas for such a long time now- is there anything we HAVEN’T seen yet? That’s something a director’s also told me. The only thing that changes is how it’s executed. C: What hasn’t been filmed before? LYN: I will amend my earlier comment to say, “Is there anything we haven’t seen yet, *that can even be filmed in the first place.” Now we have a limit. Is there anything that’s ALLOWED that we haven’t seen yet? We’ve seen it all. LYN: I’ve also done guzhuang dramas, so I know- most of them all have a lantern festival. It’s either Mid-Autumn Festival or Spring/Lantern Festival. There’s always lanterns. I guess people in old time’s only entertainment was to look at lanterns. But every drama has it. - /also: water lanterns, tanghulu, scenes were there’s an imminent execution but someone stops it at the last minute, etc./ LYN: The point of this drama is to play on all of these tropes and flip the script.  - /discusses more examples: tournaments to win the lady’s hand in marriage (he forgot he had to do this with Hao Du); when the FL/ML jump off a cliff but they never die (but no one cares about supporting roles)- there’s either a river or some hidden martial arts skill, a tree branch, or they’re saved by someone/

3:49:48 C: ML/FL don’t die if they get shot with an arrow. LYN: Not necessarily, it depends on what episode. Whether the ML/FL die by getting shot with an arrow depends on how many episodes in you are. If it’s a 40 episode drama and the ML gets shot in e39, he might die. If it’s e15 and the ML looks like a porcupine, he’s still not going to die. But if you get shot in e39, ML is likely going to die, based on plot progression alone. It has nothing to do with the ML/FL themselves at this point. The other possibility is that you don’t die directly from getting shot, but it leaves a lasting wound that leads to a later cause of death. It’s an indirect cause of death. But if it’s the earlier eps, forget about getting shot- even if the ML’s lost an arm, he’ll still find a way to grow one back. LYN: As an actor myself, the move I use the most is this- /holds his left shoulder./ I just don’t know what it is with this left chest. The arrow is always shot here. You may not have noticed it, but think back on the dramas you’ve watched- the ML is usually always shot on the left. Why there? First- it can make the ML bare-chested. If they get shot in the belly-button, then it’s difficult to film. How are you supposed to film there? You’ll pull their intestines out. Middle of the chest also doesn’t look good. It has to be above the heart but below the collarbone- there’s some cartilage and can be pierced through. Once the clothes are off you can show off the chest, and abs if you have them. After spraying some water, to make it seem like it hurts so much he’s sweating, you can let it run down the body- it serves to please the audience. LYN: Another thing is- it’s easier to perform. Using your right hand to cover your left shoulder is a smoother motion. If you use your left hand to cover your right chest- unless you’re left-handed- it’s awkward. If you’re shot in the shoulder, you’re going to look for something to hold on to for support. If you support yourself with your left hand it can be a little awkward. You can go think about it. People rarely ever get shot in the butt. Some comedies might have it, I suppose. But in general, the ML always gets shot in the left shoulder. You can think about all the dramas you’ve watched. C: Lao-da, you can do one where you get shot in the butt. LYN: … /sigh/ What’s wrong with you? C: /comments about getting shot in the stomach./ LYN: Yes, people do get shot in the stomach, but not in the belly-button, like I said earlier! How good must your aim be to accomplish that?!? They get shot or grazed in the side. - LYN: For knives- let me tell you. Knife wounds are usually here on the arm, shoulder, or side. These three places are the easiest to acquire knife wounds. On the back yes, but rarely. Almost never on the head. Legs are few, too. Legs get shot with arrows. In the knee, mostly. I’m not saying it never happens, but that mostly the wounds are on the upper half of the body. As an actor- if you get shot in the thigh or something, for the next five or six scenes you’ll have to walk with a limp and that doesn’t look good. They can’t walk gracefully and the hair won’t be flowing in the wind, like that. So legs wounds are rare, but if you do get hurt there you can lie on a bed for a few days and then you’re all healed. But a leg wound, where you still have to walk on it?? I already experienced that when I broke my foot, didn’t I? (YNGS) Most wounds are on the upper half so that filming later on is easier.

- /! Talks about a character in ZLYM (Kang Ju), who walks with a cane and has a limp, but has very good fighting skills and the cane is also a sword. There’s one scene where the group is supposed to chase after bad guys, but it suddenly occurred to LYN, “How is he supposed to run??” How does that look on camera?/ C: On a wire. LYN: … Wouldn’t it be better if we just had a wooden wheelchair and then pushed him with us?

- /used to share stories from set more, but nowadays doesn’t want to give anyone an excuse to find a loophole/cause for ridicule/

4:03:02 C: Is there a character who’s been with the ML from the start, but it turns out that in the end they were the villain all along? LYN: There are. In YNGS… /pauses to think about it/ In YNGS there was someone who was with me until the end- Ding Hui- do you remember him? In the very first drafts of the script he was a mole. But then- never mind. These roles exist, though. In any case, it was changed later. Not by me! I don’t have that kind of power. 4:04:33 C: ZBF’s senior brother. LYN: You could probably already tell in the beginning eps that he was a villain. From the first moment we saw him, we already knew. It’s not like he was acting like a good guy the whole time, only to find out he was bad in the end. He doesn’t count. C: I was waiting for him to turn good.

LYN: Let me see what time it is. It’s time, friends. I’ve been streaming for 4 hours now. If you haven’t yet subscribed to my weibo, please do so. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Thank you for watching my stream today. I’ll come to stream when I have time, ok? If you haven’t subscribed yet, you can. It’s not shameful. Thank you for your company. I hope you had a relaxing, happy, and wonderful time. It was great to have you and I hope you had fun. Next time I’ll make sure I’ve got all the settings right before I stream. Goodnight everyone.

[count-alucard-tepes]

Headcanons and a short fanfic for Arashiyama Jurota 🤼‍♂️

He owns his own mountain because he doesn’t like living near the city or near too many people that doesn’t mean he doesn’t allow others to live there…it’s just his private property though. He named the mountain Mount Arashiyama.

He loves fishing and often invites Rolon and some of the younger gladiators to stay with him so he can go fishing with them. He likes to teach the younger ones to live off the land. He’s very patient.

He’s really good with children and when he has time, he often visits Judo clubs to train kids. He believes Judo is genderless and everyone should learn, he does not discriminate.

He was married when he was younger but he lost his wife to an illness shortly after marriage. He’s open to marrying again and having children.

He doesn’t smoke but occasionally drinks alcohol.

Taking over a class…

It was a usual day for Arashiyama where he would wake up early, go catch some fish and make some breakfast before doing his morning training. He would receive a call from a Judo center that they would like for him to host a few classes for beginners and of course he agreed. He loved his sport and wanted to share it with anyone who wanted to learn.

He would not take any matches that week so that he would be in his best shape for his soon to be students.

He arrived earlier than the required time and was talking to some of his previous students just to catch up and what not.

“How is the mountain? Must be thriving in this weather”, a familiar colleague asked gently.

“Yes, it’s especially nice in the mornings and evenings…I am planting more fruit trees in hope that they flourish and thrive…”, he said with a small smile. He did love gardening very much and spent a lot of his time taking care of the land and in turn, it took care of him.

“That is amazing, to imagine what the mountain was to what it is now…you truly have made it a sight to behold”, his colleague said with a smile.

Arashiyama smiled and nodded as the students would soon make their way in. He noticed all were young girls and women, aged 5 to 15. It’s been a while since he was teaching such a group but of course he didn’t mind at all, everyone was welcomed to learn Judo if they were willing.

He would be lost in thought for a moment or two when he felt someone tug on his trousers. He looked down with a raised brow to notice a young girl staring up at him.

Naturally, he bent down to her level, “…hello little, everything alright?”, he asked gently.

“…sensei…I’m Sayuri…it’s my first lesson today! “, she said excitedly as she bowed to her instructor, “…I’m going to try my best!”.

Arashiyama couldn’t help but smile at this little child before him, “it is a pleasure to meet you, Sayuri…I am Arashiyama Jurota and it is an honor to be your sensei…I will do my best to teach you well”.

She smiled happily before nodding and quickly running to get her spot as they would get ready for Arashiyama to start his lesson.

“Welcome, students…I am Arashiyama Jurota and I will be your instructor for a few weeks…it is pleasure to be working with you all”, he said gently before bowing to his students who immediately bowed to him too.

“…now…let’s begin “, he said before the lesson commenced.

Once the lesson was over, the students came to say their thanks and goodbyes to Arashiyama along with their parents/grown-ups.

Sayuri would quickly come with her grown-up in tow, “Sensei! Did I do good today?”, she asked with big wide eyes.

Arashiyama crouched down and nodded, “Yes, you did exceedingly well…keep practicing and eat well…and don’t neglect your studies at school “, he said gently.

Sayuri nodded and promised she will before bowing and rushing off.

“I can understand why so many take students now…it is for moments like those, yes?”, he asked one of his colleagues.

“Oh yes, it is a sense of pride you feel once you see them grow…you should become a full time instructor, Arashiyama…you might feel it fulfilling “, his colleague suggested.

“I will see how I feel when I am done with this group…no promises though”, Arashiyama said with a small smile before he went to get changed in his room regular clothes and began to get ready to go home.

He’d stop for some sushi as it’s been a while since he was in town and relaxed, “…maybe becoming an instructor isn’t a bad thing”, he murmured more to him.

What did he have to lose anyway…

[ofstoriesandstardust]

miss americana & the heartbreak prince (b.r.b.)

note: if this fic looks familiar to you... well, that's because it's been here before. and the response was less than kind but i've cleaned a house a bit since then so it's coming back. remember that this fic is told with intertwining timelines and if you have something mean to say you'll get blocked. enjoy the read (or re-read!) :)

summary: The year Bradley left and the year he returned.

same mistakes

warnings: swearing, alcohol mentions, my general same mistakes warnings

word count: 4.9k

“It’s been a long time coming/it’s me and you”

You slip out into the warm September air from Sarah’s car. 

“Bye! Have a good-” 

The door shuts as you tug your bag higher on to your shoulder. You take a deep breath, beginning the walk down the stairs to the courtyard. 

Almost immediately, the whispers begin. 

“Did you hear-” 

“Bradshaw won’t speak to her anymore-” 

“Feel kind of bad-”

“How could she-”

“I hear her Dad put her into therapy-”

“Heard she kinda lost it-”

“Bradshaw is better off-”

You squeeze your eyes shut, willing to block the words out. 

They didn’t know a single thing about you nor your family. They just knew what Bradley had reveled in telling them, with no care to the fact that you had to come back to this place. 

You feel someone watching you, causing your eyes to fly open. Across the hall is Sienna and Ben, Matt and Madison, Andrew joining them from around the corner. And there, at the head of the group, is Paige. 

Just a year younger than her older brother Lucas, Paige was someone who had spent so much time in your house. Where Bradley went, Lucas followed, and where Lucas went, so did Paige. 

While Lucas graduated the year before with Bradley, you and Paige were in the same class together, had been since their family, also Navy, relocated to the Miramar base in the 4th grade. 

Paige, who’d sworn she'd be caught dead before hanging out with the likes of Sienna and Ben, after you’d caught Ben cheating on you with the girl who was supposed to be your best friend just less than six months prior. 

The bell ringing, signaling the need to head for your homeroom, does nothing to alleviate the weight of the year that you know is in front of you. 

-

Bradley squeezes your hand as you walk up the steps of the house (read: mansion) April had rented for her birthday. 

“You excited?” 

You shrug, stepping closer to Bradley as an ocean breeze blows through. 

“Are you?” 

He nods. “It’ll be fucking amazing to see everyone. It’s been a few years since the whole group has been together. I mean I’ve seen Lucas and Paige any time we’re all in town, and Morgan has finally re-located back here, but I haven’t seen Andrew in like six or seven years.” 

You swallow, feeling your nerves grow as you walk up the stone steps. 

It felt like you were walking towards the death sentence of your relationship, uncertain about what (or rather, who) you would face on the other side of that heavy oak door. 

Bradley rings the doorbell as he says, “Actually, Andrew texted me to ask if I was bringing you.” 

Your stomach drops as you hear movement on the other side of the door. “Why?”

He shrugs. “The dude’s always been nosy. I think-” 

You never know what Bradley is going to say as the front door opens, revealing a grinning April. 

“Bradshaw!” She shouts, pulling him into a hug. “I’m so glad you could make it.” 

“Happy to be here.” He says, words muffled into the girl’s shoulder. She lets him go, her smile equally as blinding when she sees you. 

“You actually brought your girlfriend. Was starting to think you were hiding mini Mitchell away from us.” 

She pulls you into a hug of her own, but it’s not fast enough, you catching Jameson Hall over her shoulder as he pokes his head around the wall to see who’s arrived. 

You don’t miss the way his eyes widen and the way he chokes on his drink. 

-

“Maybe you should join the cross-country team, I know tryouts are this Tuesday.” Ice says nonchalantly over dinner. 

You raise an eyebrow. “Why?” 

He shrugs. “It’ll be good for you to get out of the house, focusing on other… things.” 

He says things in such a way that you know really means Bradley but no one was really willing to discuss his absence, not since that last night at Ice and Sarah’s. 

“Plus, didn’t you get into running after seeing that grief counselor?” 

Your Dad had put you and Bradley both into grief counseling when Carole passed in the spring, but you’d only gone for three sessions before seeing the old dude with an office that smelled like fish and a receding hairline had gotten to be too irritating as he tried to tell you how you were supposed to feel. 

The only thing that had come out of the sessions was the suggestion of picking up an activity that allowed you to decompress and focus on other things. And you leaned into running, something that Slider teased you for doing willingly. 

They didn’t need to know that every time you went a run, you went running to see if this would be the time you’d run so far you never came back. 

“I’ll think about it.” 

-

“Thanks for inviting us, April.” Bradley says, the girl shutting the door behind you as the two of you step into the foyer. 

“Of course, I’m happy you guys came. You guys are earlier than the rest, you know how it is. Angelina and Jameson are in the living room-” She pauses as you both see the ill-hidden twitch of Bradley's lips. She holds up a hand, cutting off whatever he’s going to say. “Save it, Bradshaw. I already know.” 

He shrugs. “Good.” 

“Anyways, they’re in the living room and Alex is in the kitchen. Morgan and Paige are out by the pool, and Lucas and Andrew are on their way. I invited Ben and Sienna as well-”

Now, it’s your turn to raise any eyebrow. “April, that’s not funny.” 

She gives you a weird look. “I wasn’t kidding, I-” 

You sigh, letting Bradley’s hand fall. “I need alcohol if I’m gonna deal with the two of them.” 

“Oh, c’mon, it was like two decades ago-” 

“April.” Bradley says sternly as you turn, walking through the door next to you, avoiding the living room. 

It takes you a few minutes to find the kitchen in the house, Alex perking up when you do. 

“Hey mini Mitchell-”

“Why the hell did April invite Ben and Sienna?” 

The question is rhetorical as you wrench the fridge door open, but Alex sighs. “Because my little sister has always cared more about being liked than being a decent friend. Hey, I hear you and Bradshaw are finally together. Congrats, that’s a long time coming.” 

“Shut up Alex.” You mumble, popping the can open. 

-

Your skin is sticky with sweat, but even that can’t stop the little skip in your step as you fish through your bag for your car keys. 

You weren’t sure why you’d ended up trying out for the cross-country team like Ice had suggested, but it had felt so good to hear that you’d made the team. 

Sure, they kind of accepted everyone who could run a decent mile pace but you aren’t sure that really mattered to you.

You finally had something that was yours. 

Someone calls your name and you turn, catching sight of Morgan, the captain of the cross-country team for the last three years. 

She offers you a beaming smile, tossing her bag into the back of the truck. “Congrats on making the team.” 

You run her smile, feeling your cheeks go a little warm. “Thanks.” 

She nods. “I’m glad you tried out. We don’t get a lot of upper-classmen trying out and I bet it can be kind of intimidating trying out for the team as a senior.” 

You shrug. “Well, my godfather kind of suggested it. He thinks I need an activity, so…” 

Her eyes are filled with mirth as she lets out a little laugh. “Makes sense. Say, uh, the other seniors and I are going to get ice cream. Would you want to join us?” 

You begin to rock back and forth on your heels. “I don’t know…” You trail off, unsure if the invitation was genuine or a nicety. 

Morgan was a leader as much as she was kind, why she had earned the role of Captain as a sophomore. She’d never let anyone feel unwelcome or excluded. 

She shrugs. “It’s up to you, but we’d love to have you. If not, you should at least join us at the team barbeque at my house this weekend.” 

You swallow. Dad was all about you making new friends and Sarah was always encouraging you to give people a shot so- what did you have to lose? 

“Yeah, why not? My homework can wait a few more hours.” 

-

You can hear people filling up the house as you stand in the kitchen, avoiding leaving and seeing people you’d rather not.

“Hey.” Alex whispers, glancing back out towards the source of the sound. “Now, you didn’t hear this from me, but Jameson filed for divorce last weekend. They haven’t told anyone yet.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Wait, why?” 

Alex drops his voice even lower. “Apparently, Angelina slept with one of the Chippendales dancers on a trip to Vegas a few months ago. Jameson just found out.” Your eyes widen at the information and Alex nods. “Yeah, sometimes how we get them is how we lose them. C’mon, let’s go join the group.” 

You follow Alex, despite the fact that you’re still reeling. “How am I supposed to pretend to be normal?” 

He shrugs. “Just play along.” 

The two of you don’t get very far before you’re intercepted by someone who looks oddly familiar to you, Bradley at her shoulder.

You blink. 

-

“Senior night is tonight?” Your Dad asks as you step off the last step. You wince, turning to face him, the letterman jacket you’d be instructed to wear suddenly feeling too heavy. 

“Yeah.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me? This is so exciting-” 

“I didn’t think you’d have time to go.” 

He deflates at the flat tone in your voice, the paper crinkling in his fingers. “Well, I’d- I’d like to go if you want me there.” 

“If you want.” 

“Are- are you leaving right now?” 

You nod, feeling the keys grow sweaty in your hand as you stare at your Dad, who seems to be growing smaller. 

“Yeah. The meet is at 4, senior celebration at 6.” 

“Well, I- uh, why don’t I meet you down at the school?” 

“Sure Dad.” 

-

“Hey!” The girl says brightly.

“Hi?” 

A soft smile plays on her face. “You don’t remember me, do you?” 

Bradley sighs, taking your hand. He intertwines your fingers, the rough calluses of his palm comforting you as he does. “You remember Janie, yeah?” 

Alex lets out a laugh and an “Oh shit.” from his place next to you, lifting his hand to try and hide it. 

“Have you ever thought about minding your own business Alex?” Janie asks, a smile still on her face. 

“Have you ever known me to?” He shoots back. “But, alas,” he sighs, “I have enough respect for these two to start now.” 

Alex disappears into the crowd, as Bradley’s grip on your hand tightens. 

“I was just telling Bradley how happy it made me to hear that the two of you were finally together.” 

Janie and Bradley had started dating just weeks before Carole had shared her diagnosis with the two of you. She’d tried to see him through it, coming to the hospital and cooking and getting his missing homework assignments, but after months of things getting worse with no end in sight, she’d broken up with him. 

In hindsight, Bradley hadn’t even been all that sad, saying it was a mutual decision, that he needed to focus on his Mom before he could focus on a girlfriend. 

“I always kind of hoped, you know, that after Brad and I broke up, that the two of you would figure things out. I always knew you liked him.” 

You swallow. “Janie-” 

“No, no, it’s okay!” She exclaims, waving a hand. “Really. Even then, I knew, and honestly, I was okay with it. The two of you were meant for each other. It wouldn’t have been right if it had been me and Bradley who’d ended up together. It was always meant to be the two of you. ‘Bout broke my heart when I heard the two of you weren’t speaking to each other.” 

“Thank you, Janie.” You tell her honestly. “That’s- that’s incredibly kind of you to say.” 

“Well, I mean every word of it.” 

“Yo, Bradshaw!” Someone shouts and all three of you turn to the sound of voices entering the crowded living room. 

Bradley’s face lights up, his hand leaving yours as he goes to hug the man. “Andrew!” 

“God, you’d think they were dating.” You mutter into your drink, earning a chuckle from Janie. 

-

You and your Dad walk in silence out to your separate vehicles. Any conversation he’d tried to start after the meet had been ignored, you desperate just to get home after seeing who’d be in the crowd tonight.

Why couldn’t they all just fucking leave you alone? You hadn’t done anything, not to them, not to Bradley. They didn’t even like cross-country-

“Hey.” Morgan calls, followed by the sound of a car door opening. “Mitchell.” 

You swallow as you turn, gripping your track bag. 

“Hi Morgan.” 

She watches you with guarded eyes, leaning up against the side of her truck. “You know, when you tried out for the team, I wasn’t sure what to expect. You know, Bradshaw didn’t have a whole lot of nice things to say about you, so I’m pleasantly surprised by how you’ve done this season.” 

Your eyebrows furrow as you take a step closer. “You know Bradley? I didn’t know that.” 

She nods. “Friends since freshman year.” 

Horror dawns on you as your stomach drops. “And you ran to him the minute I joined the team. Everything that I’ve told you this season, everything I’ve confided in you this season as my friend, you turned around and told him?” 

As Morgan more or less confirms your words, it feels like the bottom is falling out on your life. You swallow down the nausea rising in your throat, the burning feeling making it all worse. 

“Why would you do that? Why would you do that to me?” 

“Oh, mini Mitchell.” Andrew sighs, from behind you. “Always with that victim complex of yours.” 

-

“So is it true?” Andrew says with a grin as he pulls away, leaving his hands on Bradley’s shoulders. 

“Is what true?” 

“You and mini Mitchell, man! Did the two of you finally make it happen?” 

Bradley chuckles as he nods. “Yeah, yeah, she came with me tonight.” He takes a few steps back, nodding to you as he does. Andrew’s face lights up, hand outstretched as he does. 

“Mini Mitchell! How’ve you been?” Your eyes flicker down to his hand and back up to his face. 

“You really expect me to shake your hand, Andrew? Really, after everything?” 

His face falls, confusion taking over. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean, I remember the last thing you had to say to me not being very kind.” 

“Damn, it’s been like twenty years, can you not let that shit go? You hold a grudge as bad as Bradshaw. Then again, he’s fucking you, so I can kinda see why he let that go.” 

Your eyes narrow as they shoot over to Jameson. 

Why in the world was he choosing to get involved?

“Jameson, isn’t your wife cheating on you?” You ask, tilting your head. He falls silent, shrinking back into the couch. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.” 

-

You turn, spotting Andrew leaned up against his car. His trunk is open, where Ben and Sienna are sat, Paige next to them. Lucas is leaned up against the opposite side of the car. 

You shake your head, tears pricking at your eyes. “I’m being ambushed in the parking lot of my own senior night.” You say miserably, throwing your hands up in the air. 

“Bradley has had one hell of a lot to say about you.” Lucas comments, folding his arms. 

“You guys used to be my friends.” 

“Kind of hard to be friends with someone as awful as you.” Paige responds. You can do nothing but look at them, tears already trickling down your face. 

This felt like betrayal in the worst way.

And it was all Bradley’s fault. 

“Look, the bottom line here, mini Mitchell, is that you’re just a bitch. You’ve done the worst things you could do to someone and you’ve never once taken accountability or responsibility for what you’ve done to him. You’ve never once apologized and you just expect us to let that all go?” Andrew heaves a dramatic sigh, pushing himself off his car. “Then again, everyone has always liked him more than we liked you. You’re like a leech we can’t get rid of. Life-sucking.” 

Your feet move before you give them permission, turning as your Dad calls out. Your tears are burning, same as your chest, as you slam your car door shut, throwing your bag into the back with little care as a sob bubbles out. 

-

“Whoa, the tension is high in here.” Ben jokes. 

Your throat grows tight at the sandy-haired boy, the shiny ring on Sienna’s finger. Bradley steps back, pressing a hand to your shoulder. 

April huffs. “This is what I get for having friends who can hold a grudge like nobody’s business.” 

Sienna laughs lightly, moving to give the girl a hug. The tightness in your throat blossoms into your chest as Sienna’s vision pivots to you. 

She says your name softly, offering you a smile. “Would it be wrong to give you a hug?” 

“Twenty years no apology from you and you want a hug.” 

Your voice crackles somewhere along the way as you cross your arms, hoping to protect yourself from her. 

“Don’t tell me you're still mad about that.” Ben says. 

“How could I not be? My best friend fucked my boyfriend while one of the people who raised me was lying in a hospital bed dying of cancer.” 

“Well, if you aren’t gonna put out sweetheart, you shouldn’t be surprised I found it somewhere else.” 

Your body fully recoils at Ben’s words, disgust ripping through you. 

“Fuck you. You have no idea what I’ve been through, how badly what you did fucked me up. I did not deserve that.” You say emphatically, tears tracking down your face. You wipe at them to little avail, before straightening up. “Fuck this, I’m a fucking one percent Navy pilot, I don’t deserve this-” 

“I mean, don’t you?” 

It all goes silent in the room as everyone looks at Paige. 

“I mean, it’s not exactly like the Navy’s fond of you. There’s a reason why your old team hated you so.” She says, a coy smile playing on her lips. “There’s a reason why that all played out the way it did. You’re no victim in all this, sweetheart.” 

“Paige, shut up.” Bradley’s words are sharp. “Don’t you dare talk about her like that. You know nothing.” 

She smirks. “I’d bargain I know a hell of a lot more than you do. And I’m sure that we’ll be able to talk about all of that, when you realize what the rest of us do that this won’t last-” 

“Okay, wait, that’s enough-” April intervenes, but it’s too late, you already shouldering past the people in the house. 

You’re trying to gulp for air when you finally make it outside, fighting off the sobs. 

Bradley’s only a few steps behind you, offering hurried apologies. You shake your head, desperately swallowing around the lump in your throat. 

“Please just take me home Bradley.” 

-

You’re unable to stop the flow of tears as you dial the number scrawled out in Ice’s handwriting on the scrap piece of paper. 

Ice had tracked down a number for “emergency purposes” though you aren't sure how. Still, now though, it didn’t matter as you sink to the floor of Ice’s study, unable to take it anymore. 

You hear the line come alive and a muffled, groggy “Hello?”, a voice you never thought you’d hear again. 

“Bradley.” You whimper. “I want you to come home. Please come home. I don’t want to fight any more. No one is gonna win here. Please, please, please God, please just come home.” 

You hiccup as your sobs catch up to you and you think you can hear him let out a breath from the other side. 

“Please B, I’m so sorry for whatever it is I did, please you have to believe me. Plea-”

The line goes dead.

-

“Why are you people always in my house?” 

Fanboy turns, grinning at you as he clutches the spatula. Bob is next to him, stirring something on the stove. Your eyes flash over to Javy, who’s sitting at the kitchen table. 

“You know when I gave you a key, this is not what I intended.” 

“We’re making you breakfast, at least try to be grateful.”

You roll your eyes, giving him a look before joining him at the kitchen table. 

“So how was the party last night?” Bob asks, wiping his hands on a dish towel.

You make a displeased sound in your throat, shaking your head. “Awful.”

“What happened?” 

“Just… stupid shit. A bunch of kids from my high school were there, including these two Navy brats I grew up with and one of them said something kind of fucked.” 

“What’d they say?” Bob asks curiously. 

“Just something to the extent that I deserved what I got from my old team.” 

Bob shakes his head while Fanboy pulls a face. 

“Where do you keep finding these people?” Javy asks incredulously. 

“They’re Bradley’s friends.” You say with a shrug, watching Bob and Fanboy turning back to the stove. 

You realize belatedly they’re making eggs benedict, a favorite of yours. 

“What did they say?” Javy asks, his voice a little lower. 

You shake your head, signaling to him that you don’t want to talk about it. You chew your lip for a few minutes before you lower your voice, watching Bob and Fanboy carefully. 

“I did some digging last night on the girl who said that, where she’d been stationed where she might have heard about that.” Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Javy nod, showing you that he’s listening. “Her brother has always worked as an engineer, followed in their Dad’s footsteps, but she went a different route and worked in communications.” You swallow, looking at Javy. “She was there, on that aircraft carrier when we went down. She knew what they did.” You all but whisper as the pieces fall into place on his face. “It’s all still following me.”

-

The dinky little cell he’d gotten when moved out to UVA buzzed against his cheek. He blinks a few times, barely lifting his head up from the pillow to glance at the screen. 

He didn’t recognize the number, but he knew the 619 area code meant it was a San Diego number. 

He felt a tug in his gut against his better judgment and answered the phone. 

“Hello?”

“Bradley.” She whimpers. “I want you to come home. Please come home. I don’t want to fight any more. No one is gonna win here. Please, please, please God, please just come home.” 

Please don’t cry, he thinks. Please don’t cry, because if you cry, I’ll cry-

She hiccups from the other line and his chest begins to ache. 

He lets out a breath, mind whirring as he searches for something to say to her to make it all better. 

“Please B, I’m so sorry for whatever it is I did, please you have to believe me. Plea-”

And then he remembers.

His fingers move before his heart realizes it, ending the call. 

The screen goes dark as he slumps back against his pillows.

-

You hear the Bronco before you see it and you hear Bradley before you see him. 

You’re standing in the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes from breakfast, the boys long gone. 

You pause in your movements, as you wait for Bradley to say something, but he doesn’t. 

“B?” You toss out cautiously, setting the soapy sponge down. “Is that you?” 

He appears in the kitchen a moment later, looking haggard, though you can’t say that you probably fare much better at the moment. 

“I’m so sorry.” He whispers hoarsely. “So sorry.” 

Your eyebrows furrow as you wipe your hands off on a dishtowel, walking over to him. 

“What? What are you sorry for?” 

“I’m sorry that I hung up on you that night. You were in so much pain and I- I had no idea how awful they were to you. I had no idea what they had been saying and- and- and- here you were asking for help and I just ignored you. I was being selfish and I-” 

“Bradley.” You whisper, reaching out for him. “What- Where is any of this even coming from? I’m not angry at you for that any more, you know that.” 

“But I’m angry at me. And you should be too. What I did was fucked up and you just forgave me-” 

“I did not forgive you overnight, you know that.” Your eyes search his, finally deciding to take his hand and intertwine your fingers. “B, I’m- I’m kind of lost. Where is any of this coming from?” 

He heaves, his chest shuddering. “April called me this morning. Apologized profusely for how last night went, that she knew better than to stick you in that room with those people, that she should’ve known how badly they hurt you. But I didn’t- I didn’t know about them-” His breath keeps catching on his words and your concern grows. “I didn’t know about them showing up at your senior night.” He finally lets out in a hushed whisper. “I didn’t know.” 

Your face falls as you squeeze his hand. “Let’s- let’s go sit on the couch.” 

Bradley nods and you follow him out to the living room. He wipes at his eyes before sitting on the couch, you following behind him. 

“I didn’t know what Andrew said. I had no idea they’d shown up there to taunt you. I- I- I- never would have let them get away with saying it.” 

“They weren’t the only ones saying it.” You whisper. “Bradley, they just repeated what the whole school was.” 

“And it was all my fault-” 

“Bradley.” You say sternly. “I’m not going to sit here and say you don’t carry some responsibility in how it all played out. But I forgave you for all that. Neither of us were kind to each other in those years, you have to know that. I carry just as much responsibility as you do. And you’ve apologized, recognized that you hurt me. I’m not mad anymore.” 

“So you can forgive me, but not them?” 

“For the record, none of them except Morgan has ever offered me an apology. So I don’t know why I'd forgive them for things they aren't sorry for. Second of all, they have done and said things to me that you would never dream of doing and that’s what sets you apart. And yeah, maybe they’re right that I do know how to hold a grudge. I know that I hold what Ben and Sienna did to me a little too close to my heart, that them turning their backs on me cut deep. But I don’t hold that against you.” 

Your fingers rest in Bradley’s curls as he sniffs. “I should’ve been there-” 

“You’re here now. That’s what matters to me.” You take his hand again with your free one, gently kissing his knuckles as you do so. “I love you.” 

His eyes water before he swallows, his adam's apple bobbing. “I love you too.” 

You smile softly at him, pressing another kiss to his hand. “I know.” 

The two of you sit there for a few minutes before you sigh. “Fanboy and Bob broke into my house to make eggs benedict this morning and there’s some leftovers I just put in the fridge. I can warm you up some if you haven’t eaten yet-” 

“I don’t want you to think that we aren’t going to last.” 

You pause, halfway up from the couch. “What?” 

“What Paige said last night. That they think we aren’t going to last. I don’t think that and I don’t want you to think that either.” 

You falter, sitting back down on the couch. “I-” 

“It was bullshit and it’s not what I believe. I want us to last, more than anything else in this whole world. I know it’s only been just over a year but-” Bradley takes a shuddering breath. You’re my best friend in the whole world. I want you as long as you want me here and I know we’ve had our shit over the last year, we’ve had our fights and our people from the past but I don’t care about any of that as long as it’s you and me.” 

“It’s always gonna be you and me.” You pause before sighing dramatically. “Well, maybe you, me, and a dog. If that’s okay.” 

The corners of his lips twitch upwards, giving you a ghost of a smile. “Perhaps.”