#but now they think it could be her thyroid

[liesyousoldme]

.

[rorykillmore]

i have had an almost comedically horrible day but i thought my cat was going to die this morning so it can only go up from here :thumbsup:

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

[weavebitch]

I went to see my doctor today and the nurse/front desk person misgendered me from the wrong direction the entire time 🐱 I'm not mad or anything! But it was weird. I don't feel like I'm my mum when people call me Ms Lastname but Mr Lastname has entirely different connotations

[wanderingsoul6261]

Credit for gif goes to cinevettel

Title: You're Okay. We're okay.

James Beaufort x Reader

Synopsis: James and the Reader get into an argument and their relationship is rocky for a week. Then she doesn't show up for several days to school and he gets worried, before finally going to Alistair for some answers.

Warning: I think there is a few swears words? If I remember?

Also some personal reflection in this as well. I have hypothyroidism and it runs in the family. My dad had an episode with vertigo in which he had also found out he had his first episode of AFIB. This was a few years after he was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Second episode was four years later. AFIB is often a side effect of thyroid issues. Thyroid issues can cause detrimental effects if not taken seriously. You have any issues, with anything to do with your body, please please. Get it checked out. Stay safe.

------

The current week was definitely turning out to be a tough one, especially for both James and Y/N. Y/N herself hadn't been feeling the greatest the past week, with an unknown cause nor did she have anything that had seemed to help her feel better. But the two were currently going through an argument. Albeit, she wasn't one to go out of her way to talk to Ruby, Y/N wasn't happy with the way that James was treating her. She had felt that he had been unfair towards her, especially when Ruby's actions towards him were largely warranted. 

So the two had barely talked in the last week. Whenever they did, they argued, and Y/N didn’t like it, but James had to know that his actions were wrong, and as Y/N walked through the halls of Maxton, she thought back to the argument that they had earlier that morning. 

They both rode to school together that morning, even if they weren't talking. Alistair and Elaine offered to take her to school instead. Y/N understood Alistair asking, but she was surprised by Elaine, considering Elaine liked James. Y/N had spared James a look a few times, and itched to hold his hand. But he looked pissed off, so she didn’t, and when she went to ask if he was okay, he got snappy. This had only succeeded in now pissing Y/N off for the day as well. 

“What is your problem?” She asked. Percy turned the car down the long road leading to Maxton. The college could be seen through the trees.

“My problem? My problem is Ruby Bell.” He had but growled out those words, sending a sneer out the window at the passing trees. 

“She didn’t do anything.” 

“She walked in on Lydia and Sutton.” 

“It could have been anyone!” Y/N exclaimed. “What would have happened if it was Alistair or Cyril that walked in on them?” She asked. Y/N turned in the seat To look at him, but he refused to look at her. 

“But it wasn't them!” James turned to look at her. Percy looked in the rearview at them for a lengthy amount of time before turning his eyes back to the road before them. 

“Not my point, Beaufort!” She looked incredulously at him, as if he grew an extra head. Y/N wasn't understanding him in this moment, but then again, all millionaires and their heirs worked in the same way. “You can't just go and try to buy someone like you are her!” 

“Since when have you liked Ruby Bell?” 

“I don't not like nor do I like her. I just don't like how she is being treated by you and Lydia. She isn't even talking!” 

“Doesn't mean she won't. She thinks she knows how far I'm willing to go with this, but she has another thing coming for her.” James grumbled out. “I'm only just beginning.” Y/N clenched her jaw, before turning towards the front. 

“Percy, let me out.” the courtyard of Maxton was now in sight and only a few seconds away via car, but she couldn't handle James anymore at this moment. Percy looked at her through the rearview mirror, blinked a few times and then looked at James, who went back to looking out his window. 

Percy stopped the car. 

Without saying another word to James, she climbed out of the car. 

“Thank you, Percy.” 

Y/N had thought about it all consistently throughout the day. It had made some moments of studying and paying attention in classes difficult, but she had managed till the end of the day, and she was relieved. Y/N was ready to go home and relax. 

However, once Y/N had arrived home, she suddenly felt a ringing in her ears. Y/N felt nauseous, taking a few deep breaths to try and settle her stomach as everything seemed to hit her at once. She struggled to get out of the car, and the moment she was finally standing, she fell. 

The world was chaotic. Her vision was blurred and she was sensitive to all light and noise. Her chauffeur had come around the car to her, shouting for anyone inside the building to come and assist him. The crunching of his shoes against the stones of the driveway caused her face to scrunch up, and the yelling made her want to puncture her eardrums until she became deaf. 

A few more people knelt down around her, and she tried to keep her eyes open to see who it was, but the world was spinning. It was fast and quick and everything hurt. Y/N closed her eyes again. Why did she feel this way? What was going on? 

Y/N was now being picked up, placed back in the car between two bodies. Their voices told her that it was her parents. She was going to be okay. 

She turned as well as she could to see Alistair and Elaine standing on the front porch of the porch, watching them leave. She’ll be home soon. 

—

Y/N hadn't been to school for several days. Alistair and Elaine had missed a few days as well, but had not talked much about what was going on. And to say that James was worried was an understatement. He was terrified, especially more so as their last conversation was an argument. 

She hasn’t been answering his texts. Alistair and Elaine hadn't said much when he first initially asked. Just that there was an accident but everything was okay. No specifics were given to him. He had been too busy with the event committee and his parents to find time to go to the Ellington’s manor to see him. Even then, visitation to Y/N had been strictly limited, it didn't matter who you were. 

James was pulling his hair out by the time the fifth day arrived of no communication from her. 

“Alistair!” James grabbed his bicep, pulling him into an empty room. “Is someone going to tell me what the fuck is going on?” 

“About what?”

“About what? Your sister! Why isn’t Y/N answering my texts? Is she okay?” He had all but demanded. “And most importantly, why can’t I see her?” He asked. Alistair stared at him for a few seconds. 

“She had an experience with vertigo the other day. She’s been experiencing it on and off the past few days. Parents took her to the hospital after she collapsed the last day she was at school. Me and Elaine were already home, as she had stayed behind to do some extra studying on school grounds.” James stared at him as he took In this information.  

“And she's okay now?” Alistair hesitated.  

“Yes and no. She'll be fine. I can promise you that. But the vertigo is still messing with her pretty badly. On top of it, she had an episode of afib that she didn't really detect. She has to be on beta blockers for a little bit with a pacemaker also for a little bit to help monitor her heart rate. It will help the doctors keep track of her heart and this event of afib.”

“Can it just be a one time thing?” He asked. 

“Depends, honestly. They said it was likely for her, but that she could also likely experience more down the road. They said it was likely brought on by her hypothyroidism.” the two went silent for several minutes as James took in the information. 

“When can I see her?” He asked. 

“I can take you today.” 

—

Hesitation was not in James' intentions when he arrived at the Ellington manor. He booked past every single person, he seen, even the owners of the home As he raced towards the stairs. 

Their parents looked back at Alistair, Elaine following slowly behind him. He gave them a small shrug. 

“No one was talking to him about what was going on, including myself. It was time someone finally gave him some answers.” 

James hurried through the house, slowing down as he neared her room. She had vertigo, which likely also meant she was sensitive to light and noise. He had to be quiet. 

He knocked softly on her door, before calling out her name. It was silent for several seconds. 

“James?” A weak sounding voice could be heard. 

“Yea. Its me, love. Can I come in?” James could barely make out her approval. He opened her door, slowly and quietly. Her room was dark. Not entirely pitch black, but still dark enough that she could open her eyes and not be bothered by it if needed. 

She could be seen laying on her bed, buried underneath the blankets. James watched as she peeked her head out, her eyes opening slightly to watch him as he walked over to her. 

“Can I crawl into the bed?” He asked. Y/N nodded, moving backwards in the bed to allow him in. 

As he proceeded towards the bed, he noticed the medication bottles on her side table. The one he knew to be her thyroid medication. The others must be from her recent hospital stay. 

“So many drugs.” Y/N softly mumbled. “a pain in my arse.” James huffed out a laugh as he climbed into her bed. She scooted back over to rest against his chest. His arms came up to wrap around her, a hand coming up to comb through her hair. James buried his nose in her hair. 

“I'm glad you’re okay.” He whispered. Keeping his voice down. “I didn’t hear from you and no one in your family wanted to tell me anything.” 

“I'm sorry. They were supposed to.” Her weak voice spoke back to him. “that wasn’t fair to you. Even if we were fighting.” his mind went back to the argument. 

“I want to apologize.” He said. “You were right. The whole time, you were right. It wasn’t right for me to treat Bell like that.” He admitted. James knew when the arguments started that Y/N was right. He was just too arrogant and hard headed to admit it. For a moment there, he had turned into his father, and he grew to resent it. 

“Did you apologize?” 

“Not yet.” He admitted. “But I have been nicer.” 

Y/N huffed out a laugh, before wincing. 

“Well, it's a start.” Y/N kept her voice quiet, barely a mumble. She almost sounded tired. 

“We’ve made some good work on the donor gala.” He admit. “We are changing it to be Victorian themed.” 

“Yea? Are you going to use your parents' collection for advertisement?” Her voice sounded still as a mumble. 

“Wasn't going to. But I think it will be good for it. I was probably going to take Bell in the coming days to take photos. I know you absolutely love the collection, so if you'd like to join us-” a soft snore broke the moment. James sat there, listening to Y/N as she slept. A small smile graced his lips. James pressed a kiss to the crown of her head, his fingers still gently combing through her hair. He used his other hand to pull the blanket to cover more of her body. After a short amount of time, James too fell asleep. 

—

Several hours have passed and the Ellington parents checked in on the two in Y/N's room. Both were fast asleep, clung to each other. 

“Should we wake them?” 

“No. They have to make up for lost time. Plus him being here will probably be better for her moral.” 

---

taglist: @honethatty12 @lifeonawhim @ashamedtobewhitemanswhore27 @maryvibess @wheredidmyeyesgo @imasimptoowth @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @sillyfreakfanparty

[yakumtsaki]

AND WE'RE BACK. My cancerous thyroid might have briefly cucked me, but now I'm about to cuck every goddamn semi-incestuous couple in this house. Isn't that right, Baby?

-CAWK CAWK

Exactly! Baby here is a parrot that Meadow rolled the want for and I was like sure, what problems could a parrot possibly cause?

-OPEN THIS DOOR. SOMEONE OPEN THIS DOOR FOR ME. OPEN IT RIGHT NOW OPEN IT OPEN IT

Um it should open automatically for you wtf?

-OPEN THE DOOR, MAMMAL TRASH, THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING

Ok Baby seriously why won't the doors open for you?

-I DON'T KNOW BUT I WILL STAY HERE AND PREVENT EVERYONE FROM GOING TO CLASS BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO STUPID TO USE THE OTHER DOOR

Alright then, clearly there's only one solution to this..

Perfection.

-Um, what happened to the door?

-IT ASKED TOO MANY STUPID QUESTIONS. OUT OF THE WAY, HUMMIE SCUM

Well, Baby was clearly a much needed addition to this house. Now, to the main event: an end to the Year of Sin!

NOP, NEVERMIND, SPOKE TOO SOON, MUST DO THIS INSTEAD. We invite Good Witch over for Spice and she asks to bring a friend and it's FUCKING MALCOLM. LMAO. I simply have to, I can't resist-

-Well well well, if it isn't the famous Malcolm Landgraab IV, the finest intergenerational concubine the world has ever seen!

-Huh?

-You were too much of a straggot to date my father, but I know you won't be able to resist the charms of the much better looking son!

-What?

-God, the conversation is just crackling with sexual tension!

-So, Malc, I believe we should make out. Thoughts?

-Where are those fucking butterflies coming from?

-Your stomach? ;)

No, they're from the Good Witch, my bad y'all.

After many, MANY hours of talking, Malcolm finally accepts a lame wolf whistle-

-but our efforts are interrupted by Felina returning from class. WILL YOU GIVE IT A FUCKING REST FOR ONE DAY

-NEVER

-Sorry kid, but if Malcolm Landgraab is to ever consider bisexuality, it will be for someone who can beat up his own sister.

Wtf kinda rule is that you freak?? You know what, just gtfo-

-NO. Stay here, Malcolm, I'd like to hear stories about you and great-great grandma Victoria!

-Oh wow, now that was a real woman. She could hold her liquor, she could whore around, she could beat up anyone.. No man could ask for anyone more feminine!

You are so right, Malcolm, the only one to ever do it better was Long John Silver!

Ok seriously Barth is there a plan here, why are we wasting valuable time on platonic interactions with this loser?

-I just have a feeling true love will prevail!

What are you even talking about-

UM PWND @ ME WTF. ACR DOES IT AGAIN WITH LITERAL NEGATIVE CHEMISTRY LOL

OH FUCK YES TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE. Two Babies with one stone if you will!

-HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON ME, YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD

Ya ok GROSS but finally we can put this behind us, 1 down, 200 more to go. Cyan go back to your other cousin-lover while you still can because I'm breaking you up too!

-Don't have to tell me twice!

Ugh.

-Hmmm...

What now, Barth.

-Nothing, I just keep forgetting I actually have two eyes.

Ya, you and me both.

-But now that I possess peripheral vision, I see there's so much to be done in this house.

You have set yourself on fire multiple times, please stop with the household tasks, that's why we have a butler.

-But he never actually does anything!

Yes well, his main job is to answer the door and we no longer have one, but it's still money well spent.

-WELL I WILL FIX THE DISHWASHER OR DIE TRYING

-BARTH NO I STILL LOVE YOU

-FUCK YOU SUNSET, YOU BROKE MY HEART BY SLEEPING WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. HE'S NOT EVEN RELATED TO YOU

Barth no offense but I think I'm ready for your next electrocution to take you out.

-As am I!

-And I!

-GETTING SLAPPED MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY IS STARTING TO AFFECT MY MENTAL HEALTH HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP

You could stop being Satan incarnate?

-No, there has to be a better way!

-How about I sleep with the boyfriend of the only cousin in this house who doesn't already hate me?

Yes, absolutely, and please take another crack at fixing the dishwasher when you're done.

[linos-luna]

Hi there this is my first time requesting but recently I’ve found out that I have a large cyst on my thyroid. I’ve struggled with hypothyroidism for about two years now but this is new and overwhelming to me 😞

I’ve been putting on a lot of weight and losing hair so I just don’t feel beautiful anymore. Not to mention the large cyst is making me have a double chin which girls point out at work and school…

Could you possibly write ot8 skz x fem reader comforting the reader with their health struggles? Im in need of a serious pick me up 🩷

I’m so sorry to hear. My sister has had hypothyroidism since she was a baby so while I haven’t experienced it, I’ve seen how it affects her. I hope you’re alright. Message me if you ever need to chat 🩵

——————————————————— 🩷

Health 🥀

OT8 Skz x Reader

Warnings: angst?, health concerns, insecurity

——————————————————— 🩷

Chan

He would be extremely comforting and supportive of helping you get through the day. To him, you’re beautiful and amazing no matter what and it’s his job as your boyfriend to love and take care of you.

“Baby, I have your medication ready.” Chan said while going to you with a pill and water.

“I don’t want it…” you frowned while looking down.

“Don’t want it? But it helps you.”

“It makes me drowsy!” You yelled out. “… and ugly…”

“Ugly??” Chan said while putting the stuff down. “A pill can’t make you ugly.” He teased.

“It made me heavy…”

“That doesn’t mean you’re ugly.” He sighed while rubbing your sides. “You’re as beautiful as ever…”

You shook your head and crossed your arms.

“No? Well it’s too bad you don’t believe that. But I believe it.”

“Y/n…” Chan said with his hand on your cheek. “It’s not forever. It’s just a rough patch. With your treatment it’ll get better. We’ll figure out a health plan so you can take the medication and still feel beautiful okay?”

You only looked at him with a frown.

“Hey, I don’t like seeing my baby sad.” He said with a teasing pout.

You chuckled under your breath and smiled a little while a tear rolled down your cheek.

Minho

He knows how hard it can be for you. He tries not making your issues a big deal in fear of embarrassing you but will still do anything for you.

Today was one of the bad days. You felt awful as you laid in bed.

“Hey, kitten.” Minho said with a smile, coming in the room with tea. “What would you like for breakfast?”

“I’ll go get it…” you mumbled while starting to get up, only for Minho to stop you.

“No no it’s okay.” He said with a soft smile before putting your tea on the nightstand. “I’ll make you breakfast in bed.”

“No…” you groaned. “I can—”

“Y/n, it’s okay.” The said while putting his hand on your shoulder. “I want you to rest.”

You sighed, finally giving up and laying back against the pillows. “Minho… I can’t do this anymore…”

“What do you mean?”

“I hate living like this…” you groaned. “I hate being sick! I hate struggling like this!”

“Kitten, it’s not forever.” He sighed. “You’re actually doing better. I think the medication is working.”

“But I feel so useless! I don’t go out much or even work!”

“You’re sick and recovering.” Minho said while rubbing your cheek. “And im happy to take care of you.”

“But—”

“Like I said, it’s not forever. But if you insist, you can return the favor later in the future okay?”

You nodded before Minho kissed your forehead and hugged you tight.

“I love you, Kitten…”

Changbin

Changbin admires how strong you are. With all you go through, you’re still powering through it and it amazes him. He’s sure to remind you of that every day.

After getting back from the doctor’s office, you found yourself on the bed, lying in silence with tears rolling down your cheeks. Changbin walked in after you and took a seat while rubbing for side.

“Y/n…” he sighed. “Are you okay?”

You only shook your head.

“Baby, it’s okay—”

“No! No it’s not!” You snapped, still not looking at him. “I’m not getting better! The medicine doesn’t work!”

“Well that’s why they prescribed you a new—”

“No! They never work!” You cried, only for Changbin to scoop you in his arms. He felt awful. You were so good at putting on the strong front, but now you’re letting it all out.

“Why are you still here?!” You cried. “You could have someone better… someone healthy and pretty…”

“I’m still here because I love you.” He sighed. “Baby, you’re beautiful. And while you may not be the pinnacle of health, you’re very strong.”

“You’re just saying that…” you mumbled.

“I’d never lie to you.” Changbin said while holding you tight. “You’re very strong. Not everyone can do this and still keep going. You fight every day. And I’m proud of you…”

Hyunjin

Very empathetic. Pisces are known to be extremely empathetic to people’s feelings and this is especially true for you.

Hyunjin hates to see you sad. He wants to do everything he can to cheer you up.

You were in the restroom, crying. Hyunjin came in quickly, worried for whatever made you so distraught.

“Baby what’s wrong?!” He hugged you tight, looking around to make sure that you didn’t hurt yourself.

“I keep gaining weight!” You sobbed into his chest. “I’m not even doing anything!!”

“Baby…” Hyunjin sighed while wiping your tears. “It’s okay. It’s the medication. It’s temporary okay?”

“No! I feel disgusting!!”

“You’re not disgusting. He said with a frown. “Just because you’re a little bigger, doesn’t mean you’re disgusting or ugly.”

“Yes it does!”

“Being skinny doesn’t automatically make you beautiful. You’re beautiful at any size.”

Hyunjin hugs you as you continued crying.

“After this little rough patch, we can do something about it.” He said while rubbing your back. “My love, if it really bothers you, after you finish the treatment, I’ll work with you to feel good again.”

You only buried your face in his chest.

“We’ll set up a plan with a doctor for your desired weight… go to physical therapy… anything and everything you need… just promise me something.”

“W-what…?”

“Don’t starve yourself…” he sighed. “I know you’re doing that. It’ll only make things worse.”

“O-okay…”

“I love you, y/n.” He said, kissing your lips softly.

“I love you too, Jinnie…”

Han

A little frantic and has to remember himself that you’re not made of glass. He gets so protective and is often afraid of what could happen or others would say. He just wants you to feel happy.

You wanted to go grocery shopping but your boyfriend insisted that you stay home and rest.

“Please, stay here.” Han pleaded. “I do it and I won’t be long.”

“Why can’t I go out?!”

“You’re sick! You just came back from treatment.” He replied.

“That was 3 days go!”

“Yeah but… we need to be careful…” he sighed while holding your hands. “I don’t want you to strain yourself…”

“Hannie…” you sighed. “I’m not gonna strain myself…”

“I’m just worried… not just physically but mentally too.” He frowned. “I know how anxious you get.”

“Yeah, you’re right… but—… I just don’t wanna be useless.”

“You’re not useless.”

“I haven’t done anything! Just sit at home!” You snapped.

“Baby…” he sighed while hugging you. “Is that what this about?”

You didn’t answer, only huffing.

“You’re not useless. There’s nothing wrong with me helping you… but—” he paused. “I-I shouldn’t treat you like you’re made of glass…”

You looked up at him, surprised by what he said.

“We’ll go together. I’ll take care of you okay. Please let me take care of you.”

“Okay…” you nodded before he gave you a quick kiss on the lips.

“You’re so cute, you know that?” Han said with a smile. “Cutest person I know.”

Felix

Felix wants to take care of you all the time. Sometimes it’s too much but you know he means well. He will also do anything to cheer you up.

As you watch tv in the living room, your boyfriend Felix comes in holding something.

“Hey I made something for you!” He said happily while holding out what seemed to be a hat.

“You made it??” You replied, impressed at how well put together it looked.

“Yeah I learned how to crochet.” Felix said with a smile. “I wanted to show you too. Then we can make more pretty hats!”

You couldn’t help letting out a small chuckle at his enthusiasm. He knows how insecure you were about your hair falling out. You mentioned in a heated moment that you can’t go out with covering the thinning spot. Well he must’ve taken that literally.

“You wanna teach me to crochet?”

“Yes. It’s a good way to keep you busy.” He nodded. “Then we can spend more time together!”

You smiled at him, finding him so adorable. “Thank you, Lixie.”

Felix kissed your cheek before leaving to get the hooks and yarn.

Seungmin

Seungmin is constantly concerned for you but loves and supports you by taking care of things so you can relax. He’ll be the one to do things like make your appointments and remind you to take medications. He’s a little awkward when it comes to emotional support but he tries his best.

“Alright y/n, we’ll be leaving in 20 minutes. We can go to the appointment and check in early.” Seungmin said while packing up your purse. “Then maybe we can get Starbucks after—… Sweetheart?”

You had been quiet this whole time as he spoke, only sitting on the couch, lost in your thoughts.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Seungmin asked while standing in front of you.

“Nothing…” you mutter under your breath.

“Y/n… don’t lie. What’s wrong?”

“I just… I don’t…” you weren’t sure how to describe your frustrations without crying so you only looked down.

Seungmin rubbed your hair as he had an idea of what was bugging you. “Y/n… it’s okay—…”

“I don’t wanna go!”

“What?”

“I don’t want to go to the appointment!” You frowned.

“Why?”

“I-I don’t— my body hurts and I don’t wanna go outside!” You said as the tears finally started coming down. “I don’t want people looking at me! Th-they— don’t look at me!”

Seungmin sighed as you suddenly hid your face and sobbed. This had been getting worse lately.

“Okay, baby…” he said while taking your hand. “I’ll reschedule… and we don’t have to go out.”

You pause and look at him.

“We’ll spend the day at home.” He smiled and rubbed your cheek. “I’ll order foods and we can watch movies and cuddles. How’s that?”

“R-really?”

“Yes really.” He nodded.

… thank you, seungmin…”

“Anything for you, baby.” He said before kissing your forehead.

Jeongin

He always does is best to cheer you up. Sure he doesn’t understand how you feel exactly, but he doesn’t want you to be down. He’ll buy you food, gifts, and even physical affection (if you want) which is surprising because he’s not the most into physical affection.

You were just exhausted. After a day of doctors appointments and testing, you felt weak as you lay in bed. Your boyfriend was cooking for you in the kitchen but you wanted to see him now.

“Jeongin!” You called out weakly. “Jeongin!”

Your boyfriend came back from the kitchen, a bit concerned. “Yes?”

“I-I… I don’t like being alone…”

“Oh okay.” He replied while rubbing your cheek. “Don’t worry. I’m still here.”

You held out your arms, indicating a hug. You just wanted him to hold you at this moment.

Jeongin was happy to oblige and wrapped his arms around you. He was about to let go but you clung on tight.

But Jeongin didn’t mind. He would lay down with you and hold you for as long as you wanted.

You felt so loved and safe in his arms. No words needed to be exchanged.

[csuitebitches]

The Best Workout that Changed My Body (Model Workout)

Growing up, I was a chubby kid. As a teenager, I was “skinny-fat” - I had a tummy but lean arms and legs. I have tried everything to burn that belly fat off; right from detox teas, waist clinchers, sports, Pilates, limiting my calorie intake, weight lifting, strength training, eating only health food for months, lemon water, even K-Pop stars’ diets… you name it and I’ve probably done it.

Then I finally found something that worked out for me. I stumbled across it on Reddit, and I shared it with my friends, not thinking that it would actually work.

Except that it did.

A friend who had gained 10 kgs because of her thyroid lost nearly 8 kgs in a matter of a couple of months. Another friend - who’s quite skinny and petite and struggled with weight gain - saw her body get more toned in just a couple of weeks.

So I decided to try it out as well - and I could actually see a difference in just a week’s time (as crazy as this sounds). A few pants I had that I always felt a little insecure about wearing actually felt LOOSE at the waist! I couldn’t believe it!

Now, for a little disclaimer. The person who created these workouts happens to train models. They are specialised in model training- reducing waist cm, hips is their specialty. HOWEVER. They were accused of filming their clients in their gym bathroom. Their spouse eventually took over the company. But that still doesn’t sit right with me. So that means that I will not be buying any of the company’s products, even though the work outs are really effective and require minimum equipment.

So I did a little bit of sleuthing - and found 5 out of 6 of their workouts for free on Reddit.

I’m going to share the link that I found on Reddit. I am NOT responsible for uploading the files. I have no role to play in it. These have been available on Reddit for literally years. I have no idea who the original distributor is, either. Also, these videos are quite old. I’m sure that the new ones are different from these.

The workouts range from 20-60 minutes (most of them are at 40 minutes though). The best part is that you can do these anywhere.

The only equipment you really need:

- yoga mat

- Slide discs/ wash cloths

- Ankle weights

- 3 pound dumbbells

Here it is (the link)

The nutrition guide:

(I have not come up with this. Do not hold me responsible if you do not agree with what the trainer says).

1. Calorie intake: 1600 calories

2. No juice, rice, pasta, potatoes, bread 2-3 hours before you workout. If you must eat, it has to be low calorie protein or lean (eggs, protein shake, lean protein, salad, vegetables).

3. No carbs after 3 pm.

4. Dinner should be protein and vegetable based.

5. No protein for 1-2 hours after workout. Fruit juice, fruits, vegetables and starchy carbs are fine.

6. Only treadmill for cardio. Slow jogs. No weights for lower body, outside of the program. No lunges, squats or deadlifts. Yoga and Pilates are fine. I personally do 12-3-30.

How I use this routine:

Monday: workout 1

Tuesday: 12-3-30

Wednesday: workout 2

Thursday: 12-3-30

Friday: workout 3

Saturday: workout 4 +12-3-30

Sunday: 12-3-30 / yoga/ rest day

I take 5 days off in a month during my period. These workouts are also not crazy intense (I’m used to playing sports and being active in general) so I’m fine doing it everyday.

What is 12-3-30?

Treadmill workout where:

12- incline

3 - speed

30 - minutes

[lovelytsunoda]

fairytale of new york // mick schumacher

summary: it's her first christmas alone, and he's wandering around new york in the middle of an existential crisis about his future. it was simply meant to be

pairing: mick schumacher x female reader

you were handsome, you were pretty, queen of new york city. happy christmas your arse, i pray god it's our last. and the boys in the nypd choir still singing 'galway bay', and the bells are ringing out, for christmas day (..) i could have been someone, well so could anyone

warnings: angst: mentions of mick losing the haas seat, guenther steiner mention, anxiety and loneliness, metions of hospitals and thyroid problems. cheesiness, a romance book-worthy meet cute, sexual tension, body image/insecurity, implied smut.

author's note: fuck guenther steiner. netflix created a monster as soon as they made him a series regular. and fuck gene haas, i hope he goes back to federal prison for tax evasion. mick really gave his all this season and got nothing in return.

new york city, new york. december 22nd, 2022

they've got cars as big as bars, they've got rivers of gold, where the wind blows right through you, no place for the old

she still wasn't used to the sounds of the city.

new york city raged around her as she walked down the sidewalk, her adidas tennis shoes squelching in the muddy slush.

there was no destination in mind, she just knew that she couldn't stay in her residence alone. her roommates had gone home for the holidays. her own parents had decided to embrace their newfound freedom and flew to puerto rico, leaving y/n to navigate the holidays on her own.

she was a small town girl at heart, raised on a vineyard in niagara falls. new york city had been a big change for her, but she was halfway through her semester and she wasn't sure if moving had been the right call for her.

she was still thinking when she felt the impact, a hard body running right into hers. the impact forced her off the sidewalk, and she fell in between two parked cars. melted slush soaked through her jeans and stained her puffer jacket, her glasses knocked from her face with the impact.

"what the hell is wrong with you?" she shouted, inspecting her glasses for cracks or scratches. "if there's anything wrong with my glasses, you're buying me new ones, asshole!"

"are you alright?" the person said hurriedly, kneeling down the help her to her feet. "i'm so sorry!"

he had a soft face, one that reminded her of an owl. his bright blue eyes were panicked, and his voice had a touch of an accent that she couldn't quite place.

she got to her feet, with some help from the handsome stranger, her feet sliding through the damp street shoulder.

"it's no big deal." she was breathing heavily, her anger dissipating the longer she looked at his soft face. "i should have been paying more attention."

"no, no. it's my fault. can i buy you a drink?"

"can i get your name first?"

"mick." he said softly, extending his gloved hand for a handshake.

"y/n. now, about that drink."

when you first took my hand on that cold winter's eve, and you told me that broadway was waiting for me

twenty minutes later, they were sitting in an old-timey british pub, with john lennon on the speakers and a basket of onion rings in between the two of them as they nursed hot drinks.

"i'm sorry about your jeans, by the way." mick said apologetically, swiping the whipped cream from the top of his hot chocolate onto his pointer finger before licking the cream off his skin.

the action sent shivers down y/n's spine as she shrugged to hide the involuntary action. "it's no big deal. they'll dry."

"still, i feel bad."

"well, don't." she smiled. "what brings you to new york? you're not from around here, are you?"

"but you're not either. not a hint of new yorker in your tone."

"touche. i'm canadian. i was raised in wine country, just over the border in old niagara on the lake."

"switzerland. genolier, but not too many people know where that is." mick laughed lowly before shoving an onion ring in his mouth. "new york was a pretty last minute decision, actually. didn't want to go home, didn't want to go to the ranch." i needed to be some place where people didn't know who i was. he didn't say it out loud, but he yearned to. "i lost my job in november. i'm not sure where to go from here, to be honest."

"i'm sorry to hear that." she frowned, taking a sip of her own hot chocolate, flinching as she felt it scald her tongue. "and around christmas as well. christ, your boss was a heartless bastard. this is my first christmas without my family around. my grandparents are in europe, enjoying retirement and all that bullshit. they've been retired for fifteen years, they just seem to not like staying in canada very long. and my parents are in puerto rico on a beach somewhere."

"so why aren't you with them?"

"i moved out when i went back to college. i took a gap year right after high school, and then it was two years digitally during covid, and my parents told me that i needed to" she paused, getting her fingers ready to make air quotes. "spread my wings." she ran her fingers through her hair, resisting the urge to mess with her hoop earrings. "it's lonely. making friends in university isn't as easy as they claim."

"tell me about it." mick laughed. "you can't make people like you. like my boss."

"does he live around here? we can key his car." y/n suggested halfheartedly, stealing another onion ring from the basket.

mick laughed. the first genuine laugh in weeks. the first genuine laugh since abu dhabi. "well, guenther lives in austria, so that might be a little difficult."

"austria? jesus." she laughed. "hey, this might sound strange, but has anybody ever told you that you look like micheal schumacher?"

mick's cheeks flushed pink as he thought about a response. "he's my dad." the german said simply, showing y/n a picture on his phone. "all i ever wanted was to make him proud, you know. do you watch racing?"

y/n smiled fondly, looking down at the iphone. "my grandfather did. i remember the schumacher era well, his big mercedes comeback. i haven't watched f1 in years, actually. granddad spent some time in the hospital for thyroid problems, and i'd sit with him for hours on end watching races with him while he was in for treatments."

"would you beleive me if i told you that i was a driver?" saying it stung. he still couldn't get used to the fact that he wasn't going to get to drive any more, even if he did sign the reserve contract with mercedes.

y/n raised an eyebrow. "i'd have to see it to believe it, schumacher."

mick laughed, pressing a few more buttons on his phone, pulling up a picture from abu dhabi, his last race ever. it was him and seb, with lance in the corner of the frame and esteban behind them both.

he was going to miss everybody so much.

"is that sebastian vettel?" y/n's eyes widened as she looked at the phone again. "the sebastian vettel? he's still around?"

"he just retired, actually. he had a great run, didn't he."

"he did."

"you said you were in university? what are you studying?" mick asked, shifting the focus of the conversation to the young woman across from him.

"english literature, with a focus on the mystery-thriller genre." she said sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck. she was a nerd through and through, occasionally embrassed to admit her degree ut loud.

english lit was the fallback option for people who didn't know what they wanted to do with their lives, and the fact that she took a gap year first would tell everybody everything they needed to know about her.

except she was starting to get an idea of what she wanted. she just wanted to be around books, be it in a publishing agency or a librarian.

"so you're like, really smart." mick gushed

she brushed her hair behind her ear, hoping that mick would assume the red in her face was from the american winter raging on outside. "i don't know if those are the words that i would use, to be honest. i'm in like, the middle half of my class. incredibly fucking average. i've just always known that i wanted to spend my life around books.

conversation had reached a comfortable lull, with the duo sneaking the other longing glances as they munched on the onion rings and drank their hot chocolates.

mick thought she was stunning: with her shoulder length hair that shone in the lights from the bar, the cat's eye glasses that framed her eyes so nicely, the small golden nose ring that glittered against her skin. but more so than that, he enjoyed her company. her soothing voice, her beautiful laugh. her aspirations and eccentricities.

y/n was entranced by mick schumacher. his passion, his vibrance, his sunshine attitude that could light up an entire room without even trying. was it too soon to say that she had fallen for his soft features, his bright blue eyes and his beautiful hair?

sinatra was swinging, all the drunks they were singing, we kissed on a corner, then danced through the night

the song on the stereo changed, a group of drunk nyu frat boys in the corner who had been celebrating the end of exam season throwing their arms around each other and belting out the words.

y/n laughed at the group, before she started singing along herself. "and then we sang a song, a rare old mountain dew. i turned my face away, and dreamed about you."

"you have a great voice." mick said shyly, not wanting to embarass y/n.

"no i don't." she laughed, fighting the urge to hide her face behind her hands. "i just really like this song. it's my favorite holiday song. 'fairytale of new york'. it's not my favourite version, though. i like the creeper version better than the original. not the most popular opinion."

mick raised his eyebrows. "it's a little depressing."

"it's beautiful. melancholic, almost." mick didn't miss the sparkle in her eyes as she started talking about music. "i went through a phase in high school, I was really into the punk bands of the seventies and eighties, like i was a complete nerd about it. i could recite any fact about the sex pistols or the clash in seconds. sorry, i'm rambling."

"no, no. keep going. i think its cute." he regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth, a dusting of pink coating his pale cheeks.

why did you say that, schumacher? you're not as smooth as you think you are. what would sebastian say?

"do you want to dance?" he offered up instead, getting up from his side of the table and extending a hand for y/n to hold on to.

y/n looked at him, slightly confused but taking his hand anyways, an electric shock coursing through her veins at the closeness. "you know how to dance?"

"my mother raised me properly." mick laughed as he pulled her closer, leading her in a clumsy ballroom waltz and trying to keep himself together, overwhelmed by her vanilla scented perfume, her closeness to her body. "just follow my lead."

they matched their footsteps, circling around the carpeted floor and the frat boys in the corner, the couples sharing drinks after work, the group watching the premier league on the tv above the bar. the world narrowed down to just the two of them, fingers laced together and arms around backs to hold the other close while y/n sang along under her breath.

they stopped dancing as the song faded out, foreheads pressed together as they stood between empty tables.

"can i kiss you?" mick asked softly, scared that if he was any louder, his voice would betray him.

"yes." she answered equally as quiet, wanting to keep the moment a secret between the two of them.

their lips met in a soft, gentle kiss, mick's lips warm and soft against her own. she pulled away, a bright smile on her face as she rested her forehead against his.

"i don't usually kiss strange men in bars, you know."

mick laughed, both his hands resting comfortingly on her waist. "and i dont kiss strange women in bars, but i'm really happy to make you the exception."

"i'm glad. now, can you kiss me again? if we're going to break these rules, i think we should go all out."

and then mick kissed her, with twice as much feeling this time, each kiss punctuated with giggles and bright smiles.

you were handsome, you were pretty, queen of new york city

their giggles echoed off the hallways of the residency building. the apartment had been shoddily built for the sole purpose of housing students away from the university campus: three floors with paper thin walls and metal doors with electronic locks, pre-fabricated and cookie cutter pre-furnished three-bedroom apartments behind every electronic combination lock.

the hallways were hung with dollar-store tinsel, whiteboards with festive doodles proclaiming who lived where, the sound of christmas carols wafting up from the lobby and through the thin drywall.

she held mick's hand in hers, and the driver longed to touch every inch of her body as they ran down the hallway, the pom-pom on the tip of her winter beanie hat bouncing up and down as she ran, flared jeans swirling around her legs as she stopped in front of a door with a handmade wreath hanging off the front door, covering up the names on the whiteboard.

"all of my roommates went home for the holidays. it's just me here, we aren't in anyone's way." she said softly, pushing the door open.

a large christmas tree stood in the small living room, covered in mismatched garlands, homemade ornaments blinking rainbow lights and a picture of ryan reynolds perched at the top where the star should have been.

the sight brought a smile to mick's face. It was a glimpse into the life of a girl he could see himself falling in love with.

a girl that could help him find out who he was outside of the sport he had given so much of his life to.

"i'm just in here." she said softly, opening a door with a poster of guns n roses on the front, a small hangar reading "y/n's room" in calligraphy hanging off the doorknob. "sorry, it's a little bit of a mess."

"that's okay." mick beamed, taking everything in. everything in the youngest schumacher's life had been cookie cutter, neat and organized as a pin. he was ready to embrace a bit of disorder once in a while. "i actually like it. feels cozy."

every available surface of her room was covered in books: overflowing bookshelves next to the desk, another makeshift shelf constructed at the end of the bed that was filled with overflow, a few mismatched photo storage boxes on the bottom shelf. the walls were a collage of all the things that made y/n who she was: art cars with paintings from van gogh and monet, polaroid pictures of her and her small circle of friends from home, postcards of all the places she wanted to see. strings of fake flowers, their plastic petals bright against the cream colored paint.

y/n smiled as she flicked on the warm-colored fairy lights hanging above her bed, lighting a small scented candle that was on the side table before she took off her jacket and beanie, ruffling her hair in a way that allowed mick to see something that he hadn't originally noticed in the dim lighting of the pub: the magenta streaks running through the undersides of her hair.

"what?" she asked, a smile on her face when she caught him looking.

"i just noticed the streaks in your hair. i think it looks really good. you're beautiful, you know that?"

she shook her head, kicking off her shoes before crossing to where mick was, looping her arms around his neck. "unfortunately, that's not something i've heard from too many people."

"i don't understand why." he said, gently kissing the top of her forehead as he rubbed his thumbs up and down her torso, over her knit sweater like the gentleman that he was. "and if you'll let me, i want to show you just how beautiful you are, even if i only have you for one night."

she slipped her glasses off her face, folding the arms in and resting them on top of her romance book before turning back to mick and kissing him softly, cradling his face in her hands.

she never wanted to let him go.

she shivered under his touch as he undid the buttons on her cardigan, stripping her top half down to her lacy black camisole before he gently pushed her onto the bed, climbing on top of her and pressing his lips to hers in a bruising kiss. her fingernails left scratch marks across his abs as she slipped her hands underneath his sweater, bunching the fabric up as she tried to strip the german of all the clothing covering his upper half.

as he kissed down her neck, mick could feel himself getting hard, fully at the mercy of her labored breathing, the low moans and whines she let out as he nipped at her skin and dug his fingers into her jean-clad thigh, wrapping her leg around his body before he grinded into her, trying to find any kind of relief that he could.

his hands tugged at the cotton camisole with enough fervor that he was sacred it might rip as he scrambled to push it up, pressing kisses to y/n's stomach before she sat up, gently pushing him away.

y/n didn't know why she did it. why she let the sudden wave of insecurity and anxiety keep her from getting something that she finally wanted. thoughts about the stretch marks and acne scars marring her breasts, her not-so-flat stomach that mick was sure to notice soon enough. the little inner demons that would be the death of her.

"what's wrong, pretty girl?" mick's voice was gentle and soft as he brushed a lock of magenta hair from her face. "is it too much? too fast? please, let me know how you're feeling." he was gentl as ever, bringing y/n's hands to his lips so he could place a kiss on her knuckles.

she sucked in a deep breath, taking things into her own hands, making the conscious decision to overcome her demons as she pulled the camisole over her head, reaching behind her to undo the cotton tommy hilfiger bra, putting every vulnerable part of herself on display, hoping that mick would see past it, fighting the urge to cover herself with her hands, to shrink back into the person she used to be.

mick kissed her forehead, then her cheeks, her nose, and her lips, her head cradled in his hands. "you're the most beautiful woman that i have ever seen, and i wish you could see that in yourself the way that i do."

"tonight, you've helped me find that part of myself, made me feel things that i never thought were possible for me. and if we only have one night, i want to make the most of it." she said confidently, unsure of where that confidence had come from but knowing it was from the part of herself she had been trying to find for so long. "kiss me, schumacher."

the boys in the nypd choir still singing galway bay, and the bells are ringing out, for christmas day.

they didn't leave the bed that night unless they absolutely had to, one of her grandmother's heavy knit blankets draped overtop the duvet as they lay together in a tangle of limbs. the air was punctuated with bright giggles as they kissed, big smiles on their faces.

neither of them wanted to let the other go. they knew what this was: a one night stand, nothing more.

but maybe it didn't have to be that way.

"mick?" she said softly, moving to sit up, the oversized def leppard shirt hanging off her frame, making her look smaller than ever. "where do we go from here? i know that we went into this thinking it would be a one time thing, that you would go back to switzerland, and i'd stay here. but i don't know if i want that any more."

mick sat up, still shirtless and with a thoughtful look in his eyes. a shiver ran through his body from the cold, and y/n instantly reached for the blanket, wrapping the corners around his torso.

"that's not what i want either, pretty girl. what i've felt tonight is nothing that i've ever felt with another girl."

she shifted in place, resisting the urge to reach for the driver. "so what now?"

"i've got no plans. no sport to go back to. i could stay in new york while i try and figure my future out." mick took her warm hand in his cold one. "i want to make this work, y/n. i want to get to know you, to wake up next to you every day. and if i ever get back to racing, i want you to be in the garage at my side."

"okay." y/n said, trying not to cry (the good kind of tears, of course!) "okay. let's do this. tomorrow i'll show you all my favourite places in new york?"

mick laughed. "sounds like a really good plan."

and then he kissed her again, wide smiles on both of their faces.

and even more important than that, they had hope for the future.

__________

tags: @sidcrosbyspuck @flannel-cures @libraryofloveletters @diorleclerc @magnummagnussen @daydreamingleclerc

[hannahbarberra162]

Can't Fix Fix A Broken Heart Chapter 10

Now on Ao3!

18+ MDNI

All chapters

Y/N POV

You were flustered after the “meeting” with Marco, Thatch, and Ace. Marco grabbed his lab coat, put his arms through the sleeves, and said “come on, time for your check up.” You walked in front of him, with his hand on your shoulder guiding you. You were on edge and didn’t know what to expect.

Fortunately, the exam seemed to be fairly routine. Marco was acting professionally as he took your weight, height and blood pressure. He palpated your stomach and thyroid in a detached but pleasant manner. He told you that you needed to gain a little more weight, but you were headed in the right direction and that he’d talk to Thatch about your diet. He didn’t comment on your sleeping habits, which was a nice surprise. You knew he’d want to talk about your back, but his calm and detached manner made you think you could handle it. 

He handed you a gown and asked you to remove your clothes. He stepped out of the room for you to change. When he returned, he had you lay down on your stomach as he opened the gown from the back. He asked you many questions - where it hurt the most, if you could feel various parts of your back, if you could move different muscles. He massaged parts of it and asked you how it felt. He didn’t ask you any more questions about the how or why, just took a clinical stance. He told you that you needed to stretch your back and receive deep tissue massages to help break up the scar tissue. It would never go away, but the feelings of tightness could be improved. You were happy with the good news and sat up upon the end of his examination. You started to wiggle off the exam table.

“Oh, Y/N, there’s just one more thing.”

“Yes?”

“I need to take your temperature.”

“Oh, ok,” you said and stuck out your tongue.

Marco had a sinister look on his face, one that you now recognized. “No, not like that yoi. Good girls get their temperature taken orally. Bad girls who lie to their doctors get their temperatures taken rectally. Get on your hands and knees.”

You didn’t know what to say, you didn’t know what to do…so you just complied. You pushed yourself back on the exam table and got up on all fours. It was embarrassing, but taking a temperature didn’t take that long you thought. You watched as Marco got a large thermometer and some lube out of a drawer. He put on latex gloves and came near you. A chill went down your spine as he put his hand between your shoulder blades and pushed down gently. Taking the hint, you laid your torso down. You heard him squeeze out some lube from the bottle and felt as he started to apply it to your asshole. It was cold and you squirmed a little, both from the temperature and your emotional discomfort.

“Shhh…I know, I know. It will be over soon. Maybe you will think next time before you lie to me again, hmm?” Marco said as he rested his other hand between your shoulder blades. He rubbed the lube in small circles around your hole. “Have you ever been fucked here?” he said almost conversationally.

“Y-yes.” You answered, blushing furiously.

“Did you like it?”

“No.”

“Proper preparation is the key to a pleasant anal experience,” he said as he started to prod his thick finger into your asshole. You gasped quietly as Marco’s finger continued its journey inside you. He started to move it in and out gently, at a slow tempo. It didn’t feel bad, just strange. 

He took his finger out and you felt the cool tip of the thermometer go in. Marco placed it just so and told you to wait for 3 minutes. 

In that time, he had taken off his gloves and washed his hands. You thought he was looking curiously at the thermometer when he suddenly ran a finger nimbly over the seam of your pussy folds. “My, my. Someone is enjoying her time with the doctor.” His fingers began teasing you, barely touching your pussy lips, and creating heat between your legs. Between his fingers and the thermometer still in your ass, you hadn’t felt this humiliated in a long time. But you couldn’t deny that you were a little turned on too. You wanted him to touch your clit and you arched your back trying to get his hand there. 

“Ah, ah. Don’t move yoi. The thermometer needs to stay in place or we have to start all over again.” You stopped moving, but Marco didn’t. He kept touching you, teasing you, until you could feel your juices starting to run down your leg. He never stayed in one spot for too long, and he hadn’t touched your clit. He took out the thermometer but kept you in place.

“When was the last time you touched yourself?” he said softly into your ear.

“I-I don’t remember.”

“Don’t lie.”

“I-i-i’m not. I haven’t d-done that in a long time.”

“Hmm,” Marco said with a frown. “One more thing that you haven’t been taking care of. In that case, we’ll see to that as well yoi. From now on, you are not allowed to make yourself come. That is something only myself or my brothers are allowed to do. Do you understand?”

As he said the final question, he finally started rubbing your clit in small circles with two fingers. It felt so good, you barely registered that Marco had asked you a question. You shuddered and moaned out loud.

“Answer me.”

“Y-yes, I u-understand.”

“Repeat my instructions.” He started rubbing faster, while keeping you pinned with his hand between your shoulder blades. You were feeling the rise of an orgasm, the tension inside you building and building. Marco took his hand off your shoulder blades and pushed a finger into your weeping pussy. He started working it in and out of you, creating a steady rhythm. His fingers were thick and long, and you moaned when he added a second. You could feel yourself starting to clench around his fingers, and wanting more. You wanted to come so badly but it was just out of reach. He wasn’t doing quite enough to get you there.

“I c-can’t m-masturb-bate.”

“Correct. Who can make you come?”

“Only y-you, Th-thatch, and A-a-ace.” Between his large finger pads on your clit and the ones in your pussy, you barely had a grasp on reality.

“See how good it feels to listen? How much better you feel when you let us help you?”

“Y-y-yes Marco.”

“Since you did a very good job during the visit, I think you have earned a reward. Would you like that?”

“Y–yes Marco.”

“Then come.” He increased his attention to your clit and with his hand pumping. Between all the teasing, the kissing from before, the humiliating questions, you came undone immediately upon his command. You cried out from the pleasure and the feeling of release. He kept moving his hands, letting you ride out the intense sensation. After you were finally done, he slapped you gently on the pussy and said “rest here for a few moments. Temperature’s normal. Feel free to get dressed and go about your day.” With that, he kissed you on the forehead, wound his stethoscope around his neck and left the room. You were left with the remains of an incredible orgasm and a million churning thoughts.

[despazito]

like i have such conflicting feelings about the pathologizing of mental illness nowadays and the culture it creates. i think the need to have ones dx, at least in my case, was driven by a fundamental urge for validation that what i’m feeling isn't just a phase or something that will sort itself out. i think women especially have had our pain and struggles so minimized, i had lows wishing i just had a broken leg so others could at least see my pain. i clung to my dx and feet like waving it to the world shouting its not just in my head!! i’m not just lazy!!

in some ways getting the dx is like getting a pedigree for your fucked up brain. like this isnt some backyard bred tiktok adhd, this is PUREBRED adhd with the papers to prove it!!! all these women like myself who were looking for a voice and affirmation through dx to prove they “aren’t just one of those girls who’s too sensitive and googled their symptoms”, but now that’s also created its own trope of “overdiagnosed girl in her 20s” and there’s a whole new stereotype to mock and invalidate. there’s just no winning, it really feels like our pain will never get taken seriously by society to matter which route we take to get heard we are dismissed.

but of course these slips of paper become vital if you need any assistance or accommodations, so they are incredibly beneficial to have.

my issue is the more i reflect, the more i do feel like many emotional disturbances or brain funkiness ESPECIALLY depression and anxiety are the result of, or at least become more aggravated, by unluckiness in your childhood relationships and the narrative we created about it. turns out you don’t need to be textbook abused to have adverse experiences, and a failure to have a healthy secure relationship to your primary caregiver fucks with you for life but nobody wants to talk about that. i do think we live in a society here in canada where parental rights to parent how their want is overstepping on the child’s right to have the healthiest possible environment to be raised in. i had spent years reading about the lifelong effects of parental deprivation or bad socialization in dogs and parrots before reading about it in humans, and i think we forget how much humans are also animals.

but the thing is you can work on relationships, you can begin to process trauma. when i tell myself “i’m a person with anxiety” it feels really loaded with a sense of finality that i will always live this way.. the more i use that language the more futile it feels about ever improving, when so often depression and anxiety are the result of deeper unresolved issues. I see so many people with phobias or fears resign to living painful lives than trying to work on any exposure or processing their fears. i’d still be miserable if i never worked through my intense fears of intimacy, i was perfectly resigned to a life of being alone and thought i was content with that.

turns out growing up with trauma can cause the same unfocused and disorganized presentation as clinical adhd.i’ll admit i didn’t like learning that one, as adhd already has so many deniers my kneejerk response was anger at my adhd being invalidated. but i think a lot of adhd people fall somewhere in between that venn diagram, and rejecting a traumagenic theory for some people’s symptoms means they will be prescribed the wrong treatment plan. and this is why all treatment plans put emphasis on talk therapy just as much as pharmacological intervention.

obviously some things aren’t the result of your childhood! your mom yelling at you doesn’t cause autism, but chances are if you’re autistic and had cruddy support you’ll face more adversities and mental health struggles than a good supportive environment. similarly, you could’ve grown up with all the love and support to thrive but one day your thyroid decides it’s time to make you feel like roadkill.

idk, what i’m trying to say is don’t corner yourself or resign from living life because of your mental health dx or think that you’ll never get better because you “have” this, chances are there’s always room to feel better. the most hurtful thing is our inner voice if it’s internalized negative language, and there’s exercises you can practice to drill more positive or at least neutral nonjudgemental language into your inner critic. because even if you have something that will never be cured, the way we talk to ourselves about it is a variable we have some power over.

the narrative part experiencing trauma is uniquely human. some people will experience horrible things and internalize the negativity or self blame, but resilient people have better prognosis because they have ability to frame things in a narrative that don’t assign self blame, and critiques the behaviour instead of the self. because so many complications and struggles arise out of kicking ourselves when we’re down. but the thing is this usually can’t happen on its own, we need to see this modeled by the people around us. but thankfully if we missed the boat, we CAN retrain that voice

anyway that’s my musings from my perspective. for anyone curious here’s a lecture that really resonated with me, its got some hard hitting truths i didn’t want to hear but sometimes you gotta hear things that make you uncomfortable

[miradelletarot]

Sad brain hours are stupid

Personal post alert. Just me kinda mumbling my random sad brain thoughts into the void, and hope something make sense (or at least helps me get this shit out of my head idk).

*note: this is all over the fucking place so...sorry.* My confidence is pretty low lately. I mean, it always has been honestly. I was raised to have a low self-esteem (just like my mother, who also had self-esteem issues, and projected a lot of her shit onto me). So, I have never ever really been confident. In my marriage, I can't recall a time when my husband truly made me feel sexy/desirable (unless he wanted something from me...you know what I'm talking about). Even mentally and emotionally, I'm really not that smart. I'm not witty, or quick, or brilliant in any way, and my anxiety and depression and ADHD make shit hard enough to cope with as it is. I struggled in school. Mostly an A & B student, but I had to bust my ass for those grades. Not to mention my horrible memory...I'm lucky I know basic grade school shit. I have no illusions that there is anything remotely spectacular about me. I think that's why I love supporting and helping others. Especially with tarot. It's my way of trying to help lift people up, and make them feel good about themselves, and their prospects because *someone* needs to be in your corner (general "you"). It's just easier to give my love to others, because I'd rather use my energy to celebrate the people I care about. Lately, I am really just feeling so down about my body. More than I have in a while. I think I've ignored it for so long because I was married. He stopped putting in effort and so did I. I had no one to impress anymore. But, despite him completely letting himself go (he's well over 400lbs now, and does NOT take care of himself in the slightest,) he said he was no longer attracted to me. (this will make sense in a moment...promise).

in 2018, I had a weird ass health scare that landed me in the hospital for a week, and the nurse said I nearly died of sepsis. Her words were (and I'll never fucking forget it...) "if you had waited even until tonight to come to the ER, there's a good chance you wouldn't have made it." Drs still dunno what the fuck happened to me. Ever since that happened, my thyroid went stupid (thanks again, MOTHER...) and I gained a ton of weight. I have always been on the heavier side (180lbs when I got married 16 yrs ago. I'm 5 ft tall for context). Now, I'm 243 lbs. I was 265, but I lost a lot of that stress weight after I left my husband. So, that's certainly something.

But...I just don't see the improvement. i don't feel any better. I have such a horrible relationship with exercise, and i am working so fucking much I don't even want to even though I know I should. I hate wearing makeup b/c of how it makes my face feel, and in the Florida, soul-sucking heat? I could never. But, I still have breakouts like a fucking teenager going through puberty. and my hair? fuck. i hate it. it's a poofy, frizzy mop. ALSO...fucking hell. I have had a slight lisp since i was a kid. I worked really hard to correct it b/c i was in choir and shit and my music teacher helped me with it, but recently i find that it's a lot more prominent than it used to be, and it sticks out to me SO fucking much, and i feel so insecure about it lately.

It's time's like these when something my ex said to me before i left really sticks in my head (he apologized for saying this btw, but it doesn't make the pain go away). He said "you'll never find anyone as good as me." I really want to believe he's wrong, but sometimes? It feels like he's right. Like I'll never be pretty or thin enough to be desirable to anyone. Too much depression and anxiety. Too weird. Too vulgar. Just...Too much, and oddly not enough at the same time. Even though it's only been 6 months since I left him I am fucking lonely. I won't lie, I miss having a partner (and all that entails). I'm so afraid I'll be alone forever. If I lower my standards, I'll just get some shitty asshole again. Someone just like my ex. I'm too fucking old to date around like I'm in my 20s. I'm pushing 40. I'm either going to find the man of my dreams (the Gale of my heart, a real one lol) or I'll be forever alone.

I'm in hell...and it looks like a pixelated paradise.

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 3, Episode 8, Part 4: "Let The Games Begin", the part where Lorelai says that if Jess was trapped inside her burning house she would save her shoes first

Lorelai Gilmore, you are no Jack Pearson. I won't complete that thought, even though I'm feeling nice and mean and I totally should.

Scene: Lorelai and Rory are discussing the upcoming road trip to New Haven with the Gilmore Grands. Rory forgot to pack. Lorelai goes into panic mode. Rory questions why she needs to pack her entire closet for a short road trip. Lorelai recounts a family vacation story from her childhood that would be best unpacked in a lengthy therapy session, frets that her mother will lecture them for under-packing, starts rummaging through Rory's dresser. Rory catches Lorelai making a double entendre about a meaty taco and declares it was dirty. The show makes another dig at New Haven after Lorelai brings home a pamphlet about Exciting Things to Do In New Haven but it's only a few pages long.

You sound surprised, as if ya'll aren't wearing heavy coats and long sleeves in the spring and summer. I swear there's something in the drinking water affecting everyone's thyroids in this town, they can't regulate their body temperatures.

Could anyone tell I'm stalling here? Classic Salty.

Rory: Mom, stop rummaging through my shit. Awwwe. Even Evil Villains like Lorelai Gilmore get the blues. I'm surprised she decided to go on this road trip to Yale instead of sending Rory off alone with the Grands, that way she'd have the house and Dean Forrester to herself the entire day. Since Dean's sexual stamina only extends to 1-2 minutes, they could have had sex hundreds of times in a day.

Two quips that sprang to mind (couldn't decided which one was better): The only words Lorelai is thinking about right now are "Dean" and "Shower". Lorelai thinks Jess removed Rory's bracelet while they're in the shower together? Jess could only hope.

Excuse me for a moment... *deep inhale*

I went into the Tumblr gifs library and looked up "peaceful". Here is a nice, presumably not-evil, Peaceful Bunny.

So not only does Jess commit attempted vehicular homicide, and steal Quarters on a String, he steals said QOAS by forcibly ripping them directly off the wrists of poor unsuspsecting delicate young ladies.

Nice try. You think you're so slick, but you're not, Slick Gilly.

You all don't understand the effort it takes for me to break down a scene like this without taking the cowards way out and simply rage quitting (which I have done before). I have to come up with multiple lines of witty, cutting commentary about what is unfolding before me, when all I want to do is KEYBORD SMASH. SO, YOU KNOW WHAT I WILL!! ITS A FREE COUNTRY ISNT IT! BALD EAGLE BASEBALL APPLE PIE! (Deep inhale) sagfshafgahfgasvxzcywtryqwuhajlkansjbkfagsfyafvabsfvsdgr2347527q2y4q#&$T%#^%^#*U@(%)&@tGSHFBSHFSVAGFSFS FUCKYOULORELAIGILMORE#^&#^%&#^WGHFSHGAS@$%@^@

Thank for reminding the audience the reason why Lorelai thinks Jess should, ya know, die painfully and slowly. He was mouthy once. (the Netflix captions borked the line; Rory also said "and wrecked my car", but as if that makes Lorelai's treatment of Future Nephew any more justifable).

I am told that in a later season, Lorelai bemoans the fact that unlike Dean, Jess never offered to change her water bottle for her. NOW WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? YOU'RE ABOUT TO WISH HIM A FIREY DEATH. AND WHEN HE WAS (FORCIBLY) APPOINTED TO CLEAN YOUR GUTTERS YOU DIDN'T WANT HIS HELP..

Lorelai practically moans this, lol. We know "Change the water bottle" can mean two very different things. You ain't so slick, Slick Gilly.

Welcome to Gaslighting and Emotional Manipulation Theater! See, here's the thing Slick Gilly, I watched an entire frigging episode about you accusing Jess of being a thief, it was called Lost and Found and it took me four frigging centuries to finish, I'm quite sure I have concrete evidence that you have accused him of stealing things. I am Jess Mariano's defense attorney and I will see you in court. Bring Rory too, she should also start getting used to what a court room looks like.

Rory, honey. Sweetie. Sugar bear. It's best you don't wish for a crystal ball. Just strap in to the rollercoaster that is dating Jess Mariano while living with your mother, and pray.

See, here's the thing Slick Gilly, I watched an entire frigging episode about you not letting Jess enter your house, it was called Swan Song and it will take me four frigging centuries to rewatch it.

This "Jess talks in grunts" shtick is getting old and moldy.

So not only does Jess commit attempted vehicular homicide, steal Quarters on a String, and steal said QOAS by forcibly ripipng them directly off the wrists of poor unsuspsecting delicate young ladies, but he's also an arsonist, and not only is he an arsonist, he's such a bad one that he'll apparently be killed by his handiwork? (he also can't be trusted to clean gutters). He was probably trying to off himself instead of live in Stars Hollow for another minute. Can we recall another time Rory tried to play this same grim hypothetical with her mom? Does Rory, like Jess, also have some kind of firey death wish? I mean, who can blame either of them. *twinkly flashback music to early season 2*

I notice Pigtails didn't say "my daughter" this time, either. Sorry Rory. Maybe try playing a third time until she answers with "Some form of human life." Lorelai lies to Rory's face that she "promised you before and am promising you again that I will cut "this kid" some slack." Alright, I ran through my 30 screen shots, let's stuff this scene in a sack and throw it into the lake with Shane and her swan family.

Rory: "You're just waiting for the day I break up with Jess." Lorelai The Villain: "Did I like Dean? Yes. Did I worry less when you were with dean? Yes! I never expected you to be with Dean forever. I don't expect you to be with Jess forever." What a pile of rancid baloney. Maybe he won't be with Rory forever, but 13 years later Jess becomes her nephew and will be a part of her family forever and I will never, ever, ever stop loving that. What JUSTICE.

When I hit my lowest of low valleys listening to this wretched woman spew her many lies and Gilly-Nonsense, It's often the only thing that makes me smile.

[rosen-dovecote]

Appointment went well.

Today's edition of "I taught my GP something new": She also didn't know that a rare side effect of Naproxen 500 was bluing of the fingernails, skin, and lips. So that was news to her, too. She double checked it just to make sure, and we both got a good laugh out of it. Needless to say, however, that she's very happy to be aware of that fact now, because she has 2 other patients who're on Naproxen 500 as well, who're currently being evaluated for atypical Sjogren's presentations because of abnormal bluing just like what I was experiencing. So chances are very good they're also just having the same rare reaction to the Naproxen that I did.

But anyways. In good news, she's happy with my response to us upping my Thyroid medication, so we're probably not going to up my dosage the second time like we spoke about. We've still got 2 weeks until labs, however. So we'll wait to formally reevaluate until the next appointment in October, after my Labs are back and we see where my levels are at on the new dose.

In bad news, she panicked at my DexCom results 🤣🙏 I'm apparently so Hypoglycemic that I broke the chart she printed out; direct quote "you hit so low at one point, our monitors wouldn't even read you". Which is not a good thing.

Apparently when you get that low, Hypoglycemia can start causing things like brain swelling, seizures, slurred speach, confusion, whole personality changes, migraines, and a bunch of other problems. And that's especially dangerous for me because I'm asymptomatic. And I've just been living like this for ... Only God knows how long at this point, honestly.

So basically wearing the monitor for the week+ showed that I'm not Diabetic (hooray). But it does look like my body is unnecessarily overproducing Insulin on a massive scale for some reason, and that's causing chronic extreme Hypoglycemia (not hooray!). Which could, sadly, actually lead to my developing Diabetes down the road if my Pancreas winds up burning itself out (yikes!). So we really need to get my blood sugar issues under control ... So that's a fun new problem added to the list!

I told my GP about the "Alphabet Soup" joke, and she joked back about taking it as a challenge to find diagnoses that started with X, Y, and Z for me. Then she praised me for having such a good sense of humor about my body being so broken at such a young age; I'm still her favorite patient.

Based on the readouts, and us going over my food logs and how I was eating at what points while wearing the DexCom- plus factoring in the new info about my exhaustion for the last 8+ months seeming to have been linked to the Protein defficiency- she wants me to alter my diet. So I've now been ordered onto a Low Carb / High Protein diet, with strict orders to eat every 2 hours. And she's largely rescinded the advice to watch my Sugar intake (though she does want me to watch my sugar sources). She's also put in an authorization request with Insurance to get me DexCom full time, hopefully, since my Hypoglycemia is so severe, so that I can better monitor it; she thinks insurance may cover it now that I have a legitimate issue. But we'll see!

Time to go figure out wtf Low Carb means, I guess. And go scream into a pillow about still trying to figure out how on Earth to get enough Protein 😩

[unreliablesnake]

Hii, I’m not sure if your taking request 🥺 but I was wondering if you could do something with the reader who has a chronic illness and find themselves in the hospital due to it and Simon Riley slightly freaks out because he never understood how severe her illness was until now so now he’s learning about her illness so he knows how to help her more.

I suffer from thyroid cancer which is treated much differently than other cancers so I always try to imagine how Simon would react to the bad days that I have 🥺🥺 I love all your stuff, your so talented 🥰❤️

Hi! I'm so sorry it took this long. It's short, but I hope you'll like it. And I wish all the best for you health-wise! 🥰

••••••••

Simon rushed into the hospital the moment he got back from his latest mission, visibly nervous to see you in there. While he was on his way home, you filled him in, told him why exactly you ended up there, and also pointed out that there was no reason to worry. It happens, you've been in a hospital before, and you sure as hell gonna be in one again in the future.

But what took you by surprise was how well informed he was about your illness. He talked to your doctor, asking him about possible treatments, bringing up experimental ones even you hadn't heard of. You couldn't help but watch him with a warm smile, your heart warm from the knowledge that he cared about you this much.

"How did you know all this stuff?" you asked him when you were left alone.

Pulling over a chair to sit down next to your bed, Simon thought about what to say. "I did my research," he replied vaguely.

Tilting your head to the side, you waited for a better explanation, a verbal confirmation that he did care about you enough to spend hours of his limited free time educating himself about your condition. But he remained silent, instead of talking he just reached out to take your hand, raising it to his lips to place a soft kiss on it.

"Seriously, Simon, how much time did you spend with this research?"

He let out a groan. "Don't worry about it."

"Why did you do this?" you pressed on.

"Because I was worried sick about you after finding out you were in here," he finally told you, admitting something that was clearly hard for him to talk about. "I was thousands of miles away, having no idea when I'd be back, and I didn't know it was this serious. Sure, you're taking meds, but being in the hospital? That's bad."

"It's not–"

"It is," he interrupted you sternly, not giving you the chance to make it seem like it was nothing. "From now on I need you to be honest with me, okay? If you feel sick, tell me, even when I'm away. I can't promise to answer right away, and I sure as hell can't promise to run back home immediately–because I can't–but I want to know."

Taking a deep breath, you thought about what he just said. He loved you, you knew that, but there was a part of you that didn't want to put him through this. He already had a lot to worry about at work, worrying about you as well would have been too much to ask for.

Suddenly he raised just enough to kiss your forehead. "I know what you're thinking about, but stop. You don't need to protect me by pushing me away. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere," he said with a smile.

[turtle-clown]

Oh darlin' please, I know I'm just a snarlin' beast (And perhaps we've all grown obsolete)

Hey girl. Brock and warriana fic that may or may not be a character study of warriana spanning snippets of time. This ends somewhat abruptly cause I realized I didn’t want to make it any longer than it is

The most important thing to note here is that everyone is a anthropomorphic animal, Brock is a alligator snapper and warriana is a lion (art of their designs here), also the ventures are goats

Also!! The title is taken from the song guys are gross by that handsome devil because I think it’s Brock and warriana core. Listen to it it’s good music

Warriana isn’t quite sure what to make of Brock.

From what little she knows about turtles, they aren’t exactly the parental type, abandoning their young while they're still eggs. But here she is, seeing Brock, a snapping turtle, fuss over one of the Venture boys (Dean she thinks? She doesn’t quite remember). Her tail flicks. Her initial opinion of him was more of a brute than anything, with his tank-like build, sharp scales and claws. Her opinion shifted the night they fought Think Tank together, but here? She doesn’t know anymore.

She knows the sheer strength that he holds, not just with his muscles but also with his claws (as sharp as a bear's from what she’s heard) and bite (anyone who's heard about snapping turtles have heard the stories about them biting fingers off, along with limbs on smaller species). He could tear the goat apart if he wanted to, yet he’s gentle with the Venture boy, carefully checking his fur for any injuries along with making sure his horns aren’t broken (they’re still quite small, she isn’t sure if anything could harm them significantly like that).

The day goes on; she won’t stop thinking about it.

——————————————

One day he asks her something she’s heard many times.

“Why do you have a mane? Kinda thought only male lions have those.”

She growled slightly hearing that damn question. She hates being asked it. “If you must know, it’s due to a slight hormonal imbalance that I have. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m a lioness.” She snarled, he looked at her almost blankly. “I uh… wasn’t implying anything by asking that. I also have some weird genetic stuff; ah, which is why I have hair, a decent part of my heritage is mammalian; I was just wondering if you had something similar.” He practically rambled on.

She wasn’t sure how to feel about this response. Usually others ask it and be an asshole insinuating she’s not actually a lioness. Yet here Brock is, defying what she thinks of him once again.

Part of her wants to tear his throat out with her teeth, while another appreciates him understanding her and not being an ass about it.

——————————————

She doesn’t exactly know how, but he ended up sleeping partially on top of her, his face in her mane. It would almost be cute if his beak wasn’t so close to her neck.

She’s heard more about him by now, mostly through rumors in Tophet tower. The villains there have a turn of phrase, “death by Samson”. She’s heard it before but didn’t think much of it, why would she care who this Samson is? Suddenly she thinks she does care, now that his beak is so close to her neck and since she learned that he’s an alligator snapping turtle.

It isn’t exactly hard to visualize what would happen if he decided to bite right now; he could crush her thyroid along with piercing her jugular vein using the ends of his beak. He wouldn’t let go, he’s smart enough that he wouldn't, leading to either her dying from her neck being crushed or him tearing out the part of her neck that was bitten. It’s frightening to imagine.

She doesn’t exactly look forward to moving him off of her. Definitely just because of how dangerous he is, not because she likes having him like this.

——————————————

“Are you… painting?”

“Huh. Oh, yea, I learned to paint a few years back. I’m not too good at it on account of my lack of actual fingers, but I still paint occasionally.”

She considered this for a few seconds. “…Could you paint me?”

He practically dropped his brush.

——————————————

She definitely wasn’t starting to also grow fond of the Venture twins. Definitely not.

She and the rest of the Crusaders Action League were just on a simple patrol until Stars and Garters spotted the Brown Widow with someone. She knew this because she saw on her invisible flying chariot, and she also recognized the person the Brown Widow was with. Letting out a mix of a sigh and a growl, she flew the chariot down to the three.

She didn’t particularly care what nonsense he was saying (something about the Brown Widow liking men? What was his problem); what was certain is that as soon as she was close enough, she whacked him in the back of the head as hard as she could without causing permanent damage.

“Quit it Tosh, he hasn’t even done anything.” She growled out, getting ready to grab him by the scruff and pull him away.

“Hi Warriana.” “…Dean.”

She sighed. “You two should leave the area, you wouldn’t want to have this happen again tonight.” He nodded as she turned around and pulled Stars and Garters away from the pair.

(She heard the Brown Widow whisper, asking how Dean knew her. She didn’t hear the response.)

——————————————

She could tell he’s had a lot on his mind lately.

Between something that he doesn’t talk about because “it’s classified” but very clearly caused him discomfort, and Hank going missing, he’s been going to her a lot.

Not even for sex, just to get his mind off of things by talking to her and doing small menial tasks that she didn’t have the time to do herself. She’d appreciate it if he wasn’t very obviously bothered by the things that have happened lately. His problems are now her problems; the phrase “Shared joy is double joy; Shared sorrow is half a sorrow.” comes to mind.

When Hank went missing, she tried to help when possible, but it got harder to justify prioritizing searching for a missing person to her coworkers as time went on and the case got colder. The media moved on as well, pursuing more… fresh and controversial topics to cover. It sickened her in more ways than one.

All she could really do now is be there for Brock when he comes to her apartment.

She raked her claws through his hair as the two of them lay together, careful not to touch his scalp. Even though part of his face was obscured by her mane, she could still see how the stress was getting to him, most prominently with the bags under his eyes; when did he last sleep? She knows that she probably shouldn’t be worrying about him like this, he’s a grown man that could rip someone in half (she wouldn’t be very surprised if he has done exactly that), he doesn’t need anyone looking out for him.

But maybe he should, especially lately with what was basically one of his sons going missing.

She laid her head down next to his, she hoped the Venture kid was found soon, for his sake at least.