#but now i don’t care imma post everything soon lmao

[sadie-bug345]

greasers when they’re sick

i myself have been deathly ill for the past week so whilst i am bedridden i’m writing this🤡🙆‍♀️🤩 ANYWAYS LETS GO

ponyboy:

hates missing school solely cause my guy despises talking to teachers abt what he missed

also cause he thinks he gets super behind when guy just skipped one day of school😭

probably holes himself up in his and sodas room and when soda comes in to check on him after work it’s like PITCH black and pony is just sitting in a pile of tissues

”what do YOU want?” says pony with a voice similar to kermit the frog cause bros nose is SO stuffed up

and soda just assumes pony is in one of his moody, poetry reciting moods again and slowly exits the room, leaving only a baloney sandwich in his wake💀🤡😭

johnny:

def the type to not accept help

like he would go to school sick and the second someone brings up how his voice is screwed up he’s like 😐”what’re you sayin bout me?”

if the gang does quarantine him to a room he’d def just be able to entertain himself and prob come up with his own secret language and fictional multiverse or smth

idk he just gives the type to be fully okay with being alone for a bit but the meds he’s on make him all wacky too so it’s an interesting mix for sure

sodapop:

i’m sorry this guy has the most nastiest cough 😭

idc if he doesn’t smoke a lot he just got those mucusy coughs

other than that everyone’s having a good time, making jokes and feeling good and then soda pauses his laughter and unleashes the most rattley cough and then everyone just goes quiet and he just looks like 😃

definitely unfazed by sickness in general

until one day my guy just has the worst time and breaks downnnn🥰

we’ve all been there too esp when you’re sick and shit just goes downhill and everything sucks and you hate everything and everyone

darry:

now johnny doesn’t accept help but that’s NOTHING compared to darry

he has peak older-sibling syndrome and is just used to only helping other people

so when those people that he takes care of flip the script, my guy is just weirded outtt

like he def appreciates two trying to make him soup but he just doesn’t know how to react

goes lowk crazy with not being able to work or straighten up the house just cause he always feels like he’s gotta do SOMETHING productive with his time

dally:

i’m sorry but guy is def the type to go to school FULLY sick and either not say a word about it or complain like a lil bitch the whole time

also he totally smokes while he has a cough like soda which is so unhealthy i can’t even😭

just overall his habits and life doesn’t get upended by “some fuckass cold” (his words, not mine)

like bro please you just gotta rest sometimes😭

the gang is able to get him to stay at the curtis’ couch one day and bro just WIPES OUT

istg he’s out for like 15 hours straight in the full daytime and everyone is scared to walk past in case they wake him up

but dally is a crazy heavy sleeper so he actually gets a lot better after calming down for once🥰

two-bit:

honestly stays home from school like a normal person

except bro gets one cold and then just doesn’t show up to school for like two weeks😭

and it’s not cause he’s a wimp it’s just cause guy finds an excuse to skip out for a so called “vacation” and he rolls with it

and then he’ll just spawn back in on campus like a month later like nothing happened and everyone just expected two to take a dare too far and end up in the hospital🤡

steve:

CANT STOP WONT STOP

bro just pushes thru the pain😭

he probably takes way too much of the recommended dose of general meds (don’t do this please🧍‍♀️)

and then goes all loopy for hours straight

and people are kinda sus about it but honestly it’s steve so who is really all that surprised

LMAO THAT SOUNDS MEAN SORRY STEVE

ANYWAYSSSS i think imma post a romantic kinda sick reader x greaser thing so that’ll hopefully come out soon while im still coughing my lungs out🫶

[rouette-7]

[muwur]

long distance headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for daichi, suga, hinata & tsukki

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.5k words

a/n: hello yall this is my first post! nobody asked, but i just started this haikyuu reader insert blog, feel free to check my page n see wazzap. also requests are open pls come fhorfjepfiwf;

daichi

✧ after high school, he stayed in miyagi while you went to tokyo, about 5 hours away, for college

✧ texting or calling whenever u can!

✧ you be like “heyyy”

✧ then he clap back with a “go focus on your lecture”

✧ “im not in lectureee”

✧ “you gave me your schedule so i know you’re in the middle of class”

✧ “...”

✧ makes sure you’re awake on time for your classes and calls you if he thinks you’re oversleeping (and hes usually right, this man just KNOWS)

✧ “morning y/n, i think you need to get to class soon”

✧ “mmrghhhghhh” *checks time* “holy sHI-- i forgot to set my alarm. IMMA BE LATE. THANKS DAICHI I LOVE YOU ILL TALK TO YOU LATER BYE”

✧ definitely skips out on some nights out with his friends to video chat you. you catch up, talk about future plans, reminisce, complain about not being able to hug one another, etc. occasionally one of you falls asleep on call, particularly after a long day or week. if he sleeps, you make sure you screenshot his sleeping face and start a picture collection  

✧ you hit him up when you get drunk lMAO

✧ “daiichiii, i miss youuu, i needdd youuuu AND i needa peeee---” “hey daichi, this is y/n’s friend. y/n’s pretty out of it now but they’ll be okay! we’re heading back to our place right now” “im gonna pEE IN THIS CAR”

✧ daichi coordinates with your friends to make sure you arrive home safely, use the bathroom, and get tucked into bed. he thanks the universe you have good friends. if it weren’t for them he’d probs have a heart attacc. sends you cute, reassuring voice messages for you to wake up to the next morning with hangover tips he learned from suga

✧ always checks in with you throughout the day, every day. able to pick up on the slightest hints if you’re feeling unwell and calls you immediately to try to make you feel better

✧ makes plans to visit you! you get really excited to introduce him to your college friends (who, after meeting him, tell you not only is he a hottie but is such a kind guy, fosho a keeper. they also ask if he has any cute friends)

✧ either holding your hand or has an arm around you most of the time.

✧ you spend all day together outside and wandering the city, then spend the night back at your place (sorry roommate, but we’re gonna have to kick you out for a lil bit--)    

sugawara

✧ you finally secured a job! unfortunately, the company required you to work for a year at their main facility, which was a 4 hour drive away from miyagi

✧ if suga wasn’t needed in miyagi for his teaching job, he would’ve tried to come with you

✧ after unloading your things in your new apartment and before parting ways, suga was like

✧ “everything’s unloaded everything from the car?”

✧ “yes maam”

✧ “do you have enough snacks?”

✧ “we just went to the grocery hun”

✧ “did you bring enough underwear?”

✧ “gDI yEs I dID”

✧ “:c promise to call me often”

✧ “<3333 of course”</p>

✧ good morning texts before y’all leave for work! you send each other cute pictures when you’re getting ready for the day (suga with bedhead, brushing his teeth? suga with his tie half done?? sign me up)

✧ always texts you when something reminds him of you, usually sends a picture along with it

✧ “the store was having a special on oranges today! this one reminds me of you”

✧ “why”

✧ “it just looks so cute~”

✧ will immediately call you if you send him any sort of message that worries him

-“hello? y/n what’s wrong, why is there blood?? speak to me, you haven’t replied in 5 minutes”

✧ “ohhh my bad, i’m just cleaning up don’t worry! i didn’t explain, but the picture i sent you isn’t blood, it’s ketchup i spilled on myself lolol”

✧ poor man nearly fainted from worry

✧ would pay you a surprise visit, making sure to plan it carefully so he knew you weren’t busy with work or plans. brings you gifts of your favorite snacks and a scarf that matches one of his own for the upcoming winter

✧ plans out that weekend for y’all, mans did his research beforehand. together, you toured the city and the surrounding nature, took lots of selfies (and many candids of you), and taste tested lots of foods before returning to your apartment and collapsing into your bed with exhaustion

✧ but y’all not too tired for cuddling n a lil something else >.>

hinata

✧ sure, being a couple hours away was hard for some... but y’all in different countries right now

✧ calls you immediately when there’s any inconvenience that occurs in his life, no matter how minor, thinking you’ll know how to fix it (or at least give him the reassurance he needs)

✧ “hey y/n...”

✧ “what’s wrong? you sound worried”

✧ “i broke my bike, what do i do”

✧ “you what? are you alright?? how? where are you? it’s midnight there, honey”

✧ “i was biking back to my apartment after staying late to practice! i didn’t wanna hit this turtle, so i swerved into a pole and now my bike’s wrecked :**”

✧ “ahh, are you okay?? you’re not hurt are you :(”

✧ “no, im okay... but im tired and i have two miles to go ;(((”

✧ “;( im sorry babe but you gotta walk home. we’ll get you a new bike. ill stay on the phone with you until you get back. tell me about your day <3″</p>

✧ talks about you all the time to his friends! introduces you through video chat to them! “look how pretty and cute y/n is!”

✧ together you work out your time differences and busy schedules so you can chat whenever possible

✧ he lets you know whenever he bought something for you, but never shows it to you because he’s excited to see your reaction in person when you reunite

✧ always asks you to send him pictures of yourself, he wants to see what you look like everyday he’s missing you in real life

✧ you surprise visit HIM. he’s so happy he could cry. shows you around every place he loves, shows you off to everyone he knows, holds your hand the entire time and never wants to let go, is practically glued to you not that you mind  

✧ you spend your last night together lying in the grass, hand in hand, looking at the stars and sharing sweet kisses  

tsukishima

✧ y’all went to separate universities. while he stayed relatively close to miyagi, you went across the country to okinawa, which was about a 3 hour flight away

✧ he sees all the couples around campus n becomes lowkey bitter, texts you immediately about gross pda like hand holding that he secretly wishes he could do with you “these people in relationships are too happy, i didn’t ask to see them gawk at each other all day” “u just miss me lmao”

✧ once overheard a convo on a shuttle at school that went like :

✧ person 1: “ugh, he’s so cute”

✧ person 2: “why dont you go out with him??”

✧ person 1: “i dunno, his dorm’s down the street, i can’t really do long distance”

✧ nANI (by the way, this is a irl conversation my friend overheard, oml)

✧ tsukki nearly choked on his morning coffee

✧ bothers texts you in class bc he’s bored and in need of your attention

✧ “hey tsukki this prof’s lectures are rlly dense, i needa focus, ill text u after”

✧ “but arent i more interesting than rocks”

✧ “trust me, id even rather watch some dino documentaries with you than be here”

✧ *read*

✧ likes to chat with you most nights as he lies in bed before going to sleep, staring up at the dark ceiling and listening to your voice through his headphones. usually just talking about how your days went (as if you weren’t texting all day) or just casual talk and banter

✧ you remind him to make sure he’s taking care of himself and eating well

✧ “who are you? my mother?”

✧ “no but you’re about to be single”

✧ surprise visits you, tells you it was yamaguchi’s idea when it was really his own and yamaguchi was just teasing him about it  

✧ you show him around the city, sharing what you know about its rich history and culture. you visit most areas you both wanted to see before calling it a day

✧ your roommate conveniently spends that night over at their friend’s they just wanna give you alone time, which y’all very much needed. you make it a note to repay your roommate somehow.

✧ sweet lovin that he’s been missing, then some spooning as you sleep    

a/n: just wanna tackle these about 4 characters at a time but if u wanna see this headcanon w/ other characters feel free to hmu w/ an ask <3<b> also sorry if i text type a lot and that im inconsistent with my apostrophes, let me know if that’s something you want me to fix! 

[kimnjss]

Okay okay okay…so like Jin…my boy…why you radiating Virgo energy like that??? Also the way everyone is so quick to jump ship I- 😂 it happened sooooo fast. Def could have said that better but also yn should have told him how he was sounding, like girl call him out and be like “oh sorry I didn’t know this was a transaction for you…thought maybe you actually liked me 🙃”. Communication people

Now Jimin 😬 I’m not necessarily saying she should run back to Jimin but she should definitely confront him too. I’m a huge actions speak louder than words kind of gal but when there are words and they don’t match the actions that’s when it gets a little sus 🧐 like what is happening. Jimin is clearly trying but he’s just doing the same shit, like all action no words. He really gotta do more than songs…like a song does say shit but it’s not up front. How is yn supposed to know if he means everything he wrote it he doesn’t say it in person, to her face, seriously and not through a “hey baby how’s it going” text. But also the timing of Yoongi texting her is not helping Jin whatsoever…he’s really gotta do something to come back from that cause yikes. (Also Yoongi is the only one who gets my bluntness, he’s savage af and everyone should take notes. He was not beating around the bush when he said he doesn’t like wasting his time 😂)

I think what we can conclude from this is that I am much more confrontational than yn 😂 I would call out both of them so freaking fast. As soon as things aren’t adding up imma ask some questions that’s for sure. Also jhope posting taekook with their permission gives me life 🥺. I hope Tae can talk to jk a little about what him and the crew talked about. I feel like jk giving him space like that has to also come from them being secret, cause them being seen together a lot as is was a no go.

-🐝🖤

LMAO poor jin ., never even stood a chance . definitely didn't help that jimin started to get his act together (the tiniest bit) at the same time he started to show his ass . the way that he worded all of that could've been handled so much better ., but he honestly didn't think that he was coming off any type of way . their relationship is what it is so he was only talking abt their progress ., not really thinking how it might sound to her .

jimin has always done things to her that would stand out amongst everyone else . he takes care of her in his own type of way without ever having to give away too much . the only difference this time is that he actually listened to her talk abt her problems nd did smth to help . most times he'd brush it off nd turn the focus on smth relating to him or sex . so that's different . but gifts and snacks nd all of that is smth that he's always done . oh! him giving her the chance to 'push him away' is different too ., normally he'd be like fuck it bc he knows that she wants it . nd even tho he know she still does want him ., he's trying to pay more attention to her feelings .

(yoongi is so tired ! he really just wants to work on his music nd mind his business . jimin's constantly roping him into his mess ., nd since he does consider jimin his best friend - he's always there to help him (jimin would run nd do the same for him too) . poor guy tho deserves a vacation .)

yns really got to ask a lot more questions ! she's just letting them do whatever while she's confused . all in all ., she should really be focusing on her career nd getting her numbers up not what these boys are up to - hobi being able to post taekook ! that's such a huge step especially for tae ., they just need to talk abt how they handle problems like this nd what their next step is ., but they'll be good . it's been a decade for them

[nikosomething]

HEYYYY I'm back, very late, I know! But *distressed gurgling noises*. Sorry?? As for fic recs and sangcheng, I'm going to wait until the reveal so I can DM you about it, if you would like? Yess, it's precisely sweating that makes me hate summer haha. It is, truly, yes, the time between Christmas and new year is so sweet, the liminal days as some Tumblr post put it. OMG I'M CACKLING. That was a ride!! dfgdhjshxjdjd yes it's Heaven's official blessing, or TGCF (shortened Chinese title). Yes, I have read both of mxtx's other works- TGCF and svsss. TGCF is my favorite of all three of her books!

Oh yeah, having Meng Yao realise earlier what a douche his dick of a father is would be most wonderful for him AND other characters. Much less grief, surely. I'm alright with any canon divergence with the side characters. I just don't like wwx and lwj making different choices lol. ANYTHING ELSE is super fine! Omg that sounds beautiful. I hope you had a merry Christmas, Niko! Ah we don't celebrate xmas, no! But my holidays have been delightful! Oh wow, that's such a detailed answer. (2)

I prefer tea these days. Back in college, I used to drink coffee on the regular. Now, however, I'm more interested in ginger tea these days. I make it fresh each time- grate fresh ginger, boil it in water with tea powder and some sugar on the stove. I haven't really tried fancy teas, I don't think I'm much of a teabag person. I'd need loose tea haha. I like the ritual of making it, you know? As it so happens, Niko, this bunny is allergic to apples. I start sneezing as soon as I eat even a single bite of an apple, same with pears as well. Guess what my favorite fruit is? Apples! *saddest bunny sniff* green apples more so but I can't eat them! 😔

Cooking shows are soooo good, but it's been years since I have seen a proper cooking show. All of your recs sound amazing, I might check them out next year when I have time (busy with college work, you see). Oooh what all have I watched? Mostly Netflix shows and cdramas. Cdramas first cuz those are the ones I recently watched and hence, also remember - Joy of Life, Nirvana in Fire, the romance of tiger and rose, Hikaru No Go, Go ahead, TGCF donghua. Western shows- locke and key, Euphoria, Sex Education, (ohmygod I seriously can't recall any other. Rip my memory but I watched SO MANY shows ahhhhhh), I'm currently watching Bridgerton. If I remember, I shall tell you when the reveal happens. NIKO, even I watched the pillowbook and it's prequel, and yes, I have to agree that they aren't my favourites too. They were mehhh. I only liked it cuz of Dijun (purple robes, silver hair fella)! (3)

I'm pretty sure I messed up the numbering. I hope you can figure them out AHHHHHHH I don't even know the number of this text dfgdjdhdjdhdhd

Questions now! Idk have many questions honestly haha. I'm just excited for the reveal lmao. Who amongst the MDZS characters, would be your best friend and who would be your enemy? Kiss marry kill- JC, NHS, WWX? What's your favorite and least favorite arc/subplot in MDZS/cql? Alright, that's all for now! Talk to you soon- 🐰

---------

Heyyyyy my dear bunny, I missed you!! But don't worry, life happens! I understand haha Alright, let's wait for the big reveal so you can give me all da SangCheng fic recs! I am EXCITED! Omg okay yes, TGCF, I recognise that. And SVSS, taht one too. That was one crazy ride it's true hahaha If TGCF is your fav then it's all the more reason for me to get to TGCF next! Who is your fav character in TGCF (I wanna have that in mind when I read it haha) Ohhh! Now that's interesting! Why don't you like canon divergence for WangXian? I am intrigued! And thank youuu! I had a great Xmas and great stomachache cause I just didn't stop eating hahaha I lay awake with cramps regretting everything just to do it all over again the next day oops... talk about learning from your mistakes and stuff... hahaha May I ask where you come from? Is it a personal decision that you don't celebrate, is it religiously influenced or is it because of where you live? I hope that didn't sound disrespectful, if so (if I ever sound disrespectful for that matter) please let me know. I am always willing to learn and improve! <3 Ohhh yes, fresh ginger tea is amazing! I have never tried it with sugar, though, but now I am curious. And I actually have a teashop right around the corner where I can get fancy loose tea. Tell me what you like and I'll send you something ;)

Ohhhh noooooes you are allergic to apples! Nooooo! I am so sorry, esp since you like them! I have a friend who is allergic to tomatoes but loves tomato sauce. Ahhh it always breaks my heart Oh! I watched the first episodes of Euphoria but then I didn't have access anymore and I was so sad about that. And I think I also watched Sex Ed! And Netflix recommended Bridgerton to me only yesterday. It seemed interesting! Do you like it so far? (Also Imma so gonan check out your recommendations!!) HAHAHAHA OMGGG BUNNY! YES; I ONLY WATCHED IT FOR DIJUN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT hahahahahaha Also I was so confused when everything was different in Pillowbook. Like they took great care to build it all up in Eternal Love and then EVERYTHING. IS. DIFFERENT. Ohh but I loved the General. What's his name... the one who was by Dijun's side as his right hand man and leader of the troops during that one life. Do you know who I mean? The sweet sweet boy ahhh man I took a bazillion screenshots of him hahaha I enjoyed your numbering haha it was almost perfect hahaha

My Answers

Who yould be my best friend? Uhmmmm... I guess someone who supports me, likes my enthusiasm but also helps me remember how the world works and sprinkles in a tad of realism. Lan Xichen perhaps! And I'd also have a great time with Lan Jingyi! haha omg all the LansBut I'd enjoy the presence of most characters tbh!!Enemywise... I only dislike people who hurt others so I guess if I witnessed one of them hurting my friends they'd become my enemy? Sadly I guess it'd be Xue Yang then. Or my baby Meng Yao if I had been close with NHS and or NMJ. I mean JGS and WRH are a given so I don't really mention them.Now tell me about you! I can't wait to hear about it!!omggg why are you giving me that super hard choice!!? Uhmmm... Kiss them all, have them marry their loved ones and pls, pls let them live! xDDDDD *sneakily sneaking out of this one*As for arc/subplot please let me know your thoughts on this! I honestly can't tell, I's have to watch it all over again cause I forget way too quickly. But there were defo parts I enjoyed mor ethan others. I'll think about it!Feel hugged!!!

[heyyylittlemo]

Ask game

1. Where did you hide the body??

Me: *pause* No, where did you hide the body—

*police stare at me with disbelief*

Me: there’s no—there’s not a single body here—well stop looking at me like that, you’re the cop! You should know! Why are you asking me for! Body? Whaaaaaat. Ahaha.

*cops shake head*

*whispers to my friend* Guys I think I pulled that one off

Police: you know we can hear everything you’re saying

me: 👁👄👁

2. Favorite rock? The 1975. Dominic Fike. Arctic Monkeys. Bad Suns. The killers. Pale Waves. Etc. That good good shit 👌

3. Most aesthetic season? Fall. Love them orange colors. The leaves falling. Though spring is also neat if you have a bunch of flowers bloomin in shit and winter is only aesthetic when it’s snowing. Boring ass summer tho just be heating me up.

4. When texting do u shorten words or spell out? I used to write stuff out all the time mostly but now it’s like half and half bcuz its just faster and nobody got time for it 🤣🤣

5. Vintage stuff? Hell yeah, but maybe not anything too expensive since some old stuff IS hyper expensive.

6. Colors that pop or blend? Not sure I understand what u mean abt them blending ahaha u mean like when they’re so similar to another?? Well I think it’s nice but honestly I prefer a pop and a bang, y’Know?

- At this moment I realized I was answering the last few questions from a completely different ask and felt like a dumbass 😂 anyways the actual number we’re on is three so imma just kickback

3. Worst dream u have ever had? I had sleep paralysis but was imbetween that and a lucid dream. At first I was paralyzed and could see my bed but my eyes felt closed and open at the same time?? A giant dark demon looking dog had towered over me and began to tear at my neck. It looked and felt very real I started to try to scream and it felt like a scream was coming out but no sound exited. Then I went into a lucid dream where I was being chased by this dog and running for my life I was running by and nobody could save me nobody in the dream when it caught up to me I was back in my bed and it was trying to eat me again. I was so terrified I couldn’t sleep for a whole week.

4. Lyric that comes to your mind? “And I don’t think I can be there. I’m paralyzed,I’m terrified of being alone. When you said I deserved what had happened.”

5. Blood make u uncomfortable? Yes, I passed out once when getting my finger pricked and a VERY small blood sample and another when dissecting a fish.

6. Even or odd numbers? Well I like the number 5,7,9, 3 so odd. (Like me 🤣🤣)

7. Something I hate that I love? Anything I’ve ever loved becuz love can be frustrating. Bruh.

8. 1st initial of someone I hate? Hmm...do I hate someone tho? Not that I can think of...

9. *Skipping down the lane* NOPE

10. Corn dogs? It’s funny cuz when I think of corn dogs my mind will always go to when we first moved to our current house because at our initial town we never had Sonic and while we were getting the house fixed up and moving stuff we use to always get Sonic since it was the closest to us most times to eat and that was a bunch of corn dogs and hotdog days 🤣 so thnk u corn dogs for ur service

11. I’m not a huge movie person so...I looked up movies from 2005 and movies Inlike from this time are Brokeback mountain bcuz it’s gay af, Shark Boy and Lava Girl damn I rewatched the shot out of it when I was younger, Narnia and the Chocolate Factory(although it low key creeped me out as a kid, and idk why).

12. Least fav music genre? Most country, most EDM, dubstep, screaming/really hard rock, some pop music, mumble raping.

13. As someone who waits on tables, my job is my least favorite restaurant experience 🤣🤣 just dealing with ppl...like ok, I’m half Hispanic right?? But I look white. Well, I work at a Mexican restaurant and so sometimes racist costumers will say shady shit just bcuz I guess they think it’s appropriate to say it to me just bcuz I’m not Hispanic in their eyes?? But it pisses me off and I feel like I can’t say anything without causing a drama which I hate and when the “costumers always right” it can be hard to budge and stand up and say “bitch wtf did u just say??” And there’s just folks who take things the wrong ways or ask too much at once or give u a hard time or just say something that sticks onto you for the whole day. One bad move can turn my whole day upside down.

14. 3 things never come near me? Cockroaches, Needles, and close mind ppl

15. Worst way to die? With regrets. Something really brutual, random, or where something just happened to go wrong (accident). Being killed by someone u love.

16. Unusual habits? Doing a Michael Jackson esque “hee-hee” after every sneeze I make, being extremely clumsy and making every task 100% more difficult, having the ability to talk as if I have an accent that comes from nowhere in particular just stupidity also I can’t speak my own language half the time 🙃getting words confused or misusing them in a sentence so I sound dumb having a very weird imagination and thoughts, I swear it like I never went to school and don’t know how the world works, plus many many more

17. Clothing style u want? I want to dress in a way that screams who I am and is a blend of both femininity and masculinity. A little vintage. Grunge. Urban maybe?? What do I know abt fashion 🤣🤣

18. Song or artist that deserves more? Dijon, hands down. I love his stuff. He’s like Frank Ocean meets light-singing beautiful lyricist with a more rock vibe?? Hidden gem. I also think Durand Jones & the Indications needs more love along with BadBadNotGood they sound like old-times but are new!! Oh, and Pale Waves is like a female The 1975 and kicks it. Bad Suns is a good alt rock band that no one seems to recognize :,D Toro y Moi too! His song with Flume “The difference “ is a banger!! Kid Cudi is my man when I want a blend of rock and rap. Also Dominic Fike,King Krule, and Roy Blair, who are all amazing!! Ok I need to stop 🛑

Duck I answered the past questions from a different post I’m sorry 😐

17. Emoji never used? There’s a bunch since I reuse the same over and over again. Lmao

18. 3 sentence Gatorade horror story? A faint quiver overtook the small freezer the Gatorade lay in; no one had come by in days, hours, weeks; when was the last time he met the lips of a thirsty body? They’d forgotten about him, as his last sips remained glued to his hollowing entrance. ‘Help, ‘it wanted to say, but it’s frozen lips could not be moved; It’d stay here, die here...just like the rest.” What am I doing with my life 🤣🙏

19. Do u know what an old bay is? A bay that is old? And old ocean? Idk!!!

20. Can u dance? Sometimes I dance when I’m alone but nothing spectral lol

21. What first comes to ur mind when u see ropes? 2 extremes. Sex and death. Hm. Ok. Moving on.

22. Make an obscure reference. “Even a bra couldn’t hold these nipples” *Holds a water gun to chest*

23. Fav balloon color? Pink or yellow.

24. If u were in court would u be innocent or guilty? Depends, what am I in court for 🤣 lmao jk honestly idk bcuz I don’t think I’d wind up in there

25. Are u hungry ? Nope

26. Unlucky number? Hm I don’t think so but I have a lucky number “123”

27. What’s “JMD”stand for? I’m guessing...Jamming my d—- 💀lol jk ahaha why am so dirt

28. Random inside joke? *chirpy squeak* I’m making a double batch of cookies

29. What sends chills up ur spine? Seeing disgust food or smell disgust or talking abt disgust things like gore

30. How many questions are in ur inbox? A pathetic zero ahaha no one want to ask me anything 😂

31. Someone real who scares u. 2 of my ex friends. One when I was 10 said disturbing things and I was kinda forced onto the friendship and everything they said make me fear for others lives...and then a different ex friend who seemed normal at 1st but became both low key psychopath cult leader type stuff and I booed out of there—-.

32. Run or hide? Uhh probably hide because I’d say even if ppl say “u can run but u can’t hide” u CAN just hide! that’s the point of hiding they not find u xD also why not combine them? Hide then run somewhere far away once I got them off the trial.

33. Last person who made u angry? A frickin beetle that flew at me and pinched me in the middle of singing in the shed xD also my autocorrect

34. What’s going on in ur head? I should probably pee soon—

35. Little thing that makes u Smile? A lot of little things bruh.

36. Are u a descisive person?

Not sure.

*pAuse *

Ok, I guess I’m not then 🤣

37. Would ppl say I’m paranoid? Hm maybe about certain things social situations, singing in front of others what ppl think abt me etc etc

38. Store least likely in? Any southern clothes shop, Abercrombie & Finch types shit, lol

39. Do I like hats fave type? Hm not wear many hats but I think they’re cool any type is cool for different ppl and their aesthetici just can’t rock a hat.

40. Bow ties or ties? Don’t really care but now want to see more bow ties

41. Who? You.

42. What? Reading this shit

43. Where? In ur ass

44. When? Now.

45. Why? Not even u know why.

46. How? We all want to know

47. Do u collect anything? Vinyl records.

48. What tome is it? Time to get a watch

49. Fav transportation? My car or walk is possible

50. Would u ever kill someone to save someone? Don’t want to think about that

51. Make a joke. Yo, it’s time to make a joke—so the other day I was working. And I was practicing my Spanish, yes? Anyone whose trying to learn anew language k n o w s that sometimes words can be so close to another u just confuse then! So apparently churros in Spanish is a desert but if u say it more harshly (it literally sounds almost the same) it makes a whole different meaning—diharrea, but like I didn’t know that so I legit just walked up to this person and asked if they would like some shit to eat. So yeah, that was great. Let’s not forget that I mixed up blood, watermelon, and sangria which is a wine. I legit once said I had mixed wine in my vines and another time watermelon 🤣

52. I’m really confused so I skip

53. Would ur dash be confiscated SFW? By dash do u mean this account? Um not 😬

54. Do I like to cuddle? Hell yeah and manhandle ppl all the time it’s my affection

55. What makes u angry? Close minded ppl or ppl who jump too fast to conclusions, strict schedules just dumb stuff that people try to force when I just want to be carefree 😭✌️

56. How many voices are in ur head? 😐

57. Do U consider urself mentally stable? 😐

58. Are u easily offended? Well U just called me mentally unstable and asked it there was voices in my head!!

59. What’s wrong with taking the backstreets? Uhm...

60. Any questions u want ppl to ask u? Nothing in particular but it’s be nice if someone care to ask me something abt me from personal question to my opinions on shit to 19 days fandom related junk 😌

Woooo I’ve finished this game! Thanks to @seiji-amasawa for introducing me to this ^^

[leggomylino]

I saw someone else do one of these about a week ago, and it’s been on my mind to do one as well. It’s a very sweet gesture and I want to let all my mutuals know that not only do I see them and care about them, but I also really appreciate y’all as well! So without further ado, here’s my shoutout to each and every one of you! ->

@lovesickmark​ -> I’m pretty sure you’re like, the first person I really connected with on here? If not THE first then definitely one of the first. I know you’ve been going through a lot and I respect that; I’m cheering for you from the sidelines tho, just remember that! It’s been wonderful having you around so I hope you’re doing well and that you keep moving forward. <3

@jisungx2​ -> JOSIIIIIIIE >A< My INFP sister. I’m sure things have been kind of annoying and rough for you too, what with the holidays here and having to work Black Friday and most the rest of the season (holy cow I salute you and I’m really glad you didn’t die. Ily man.) It makes me so happy when you leave cute asks in my box like “hope you have a great day!” or “[enter cute chain mail here]”. You’re just very cute 😞😞 and I really wish you all the best this holiday season! I hope you’re taking care of yourself and remembering to take breaks when you need it. Remember the storage room excuse. Ily bro man.

@iiasha​ -> We haven’t been talking for very long but like, omgosh I love talking to you oops. 😂😅 Idk sis, I guess because most of my mutuals are a bit younger than me it’s nice to have someone who’s the same age I can relate to? And also someone to guide me through the confusing but quite entertaining world of the Seventeen fandom 💍 (I’m on my laptop and I couldn’t find the giant diamond emoji don’t @ me). ALSO! YOUR WRITING!! IS SO GOOD!!! Ugh I STILL gotta get to that Jimin alt. ending 😫😓 But I’ve been very invested in working and my language studies as of late while procrastinating on my other works rip. ANYWAY! I APPRECIATE YOU!! LET’S TALK MORE!!! YEEHAW!!!!

@joully​ -> You and I are still going to take over the kpop industry with our band, right? Shoot, what was the name of it again?? 😂😂 I don’t remember RIP...anyway, we don’t talk hardly as much but, I still see a lot of your posts and think about you! You’re really talented and I’m totally jelly of your piano skills 🥺🥺 Like dang I wish I could play half as good sis. Also, I’d really like to visit Germany one day! My dad’s best friend lives there, they met while he was travelling Europe in the army. He said we may go there one day and if we do, or if I just have to make my own adventure, I’d love to meet at a coffee shop and say hello. <3 Please continue taking care of yourself and come talk to me sometime! If you don’t, I will!! Lol 💕

@minniewoos​ -> 😎😎 <- SEE I REMEMBERED ❤️ I really hope your anatomy final went well! I bet it did <3 And if you haven’t taken it yet, you’re going to do great, I know! ^^ We haven’t talked for long but, I enjoy talking to you a lot. It’s always nice and appreciated to have another stay to bond with and just chat about how dumb boys can be but wow they sure are cute while doing it. Sigh. Anywho, I’m looking forward to talking with you more, and if you ever get a chance, I’m excited about getting to maybe study Korean together!  천천히 해 💓

@kpoptrashx2​ -> Luisa!!! We don’t really speak as often either 🤔 But I really appreciate that you’re always there to help me with my writing and give me pointers when I need it. Thank you so much for that! It’s truly very helpful because as a writer I have no idea how something is going to sound to others who have no idea what’s going on inside my head. ^^” Not only that but it’s a joy getting to chat with you as well. 💓 I hope you’re doing well and that we’ll get to catch up soon!

@hanniesunshine​ -> Omgosh sis I cannot wait for your story to come out! You know the one I’m talking about so I won’t accidentally spoil anything lol. But anyway! I hope you’re well and that you’re doing alright. We haven’t talked for very long but I had so much fun talking about your story with you, and I’m looking forward to chatting about even more stuff! 🥰

@bopping-to-my-kpop​ -> Sis you betta talk to me more or imma come after you 😤😤 Don’t test me I’ll dang sure hold another court case if I have to! And it’ll be totally rigged because I’ll be in charge of everything! The judge? It’s me. The jury? Also me~ Any outside opinions? I have influence in all of them! 💞 ...Nevertheless, I really hope that you’re well, and please know that you can come to me for anything :c Even if it’s just to take your mind off of something negative and you need a laugh. I’ll see what ridiculous shenanigans I can cook up for you, okay? You’re never a burden, I love helping people (esp. people I care about!) so please stop by anytime!! #westanemmainthishouse 🥀

@xxsanshinexx​ -> I haven’t talked to you in forever but I really hope you’re doing well! I haven’t seen many posts from you recently :(( Idk if you’re just busy or if I’m blind, but if you ever get a chance I’d love to catch up! Whatever you got going on please keep doing your best and remember to take your time as well. <3

@spuds-potato​ -> 🌟🌟🌟 B)) What’s poppin little sis? I hope you’re doing well as well, and I’m still waiting for my story 😤😤 Remember if Celi dies she’s dragging her bf down with her okay?! Okay. Some Romeo and Juliet action going on 😂😂 Aaaaaaanywho, I’ll have to pop in soon on Insta and you can tell me about your day! Remember boys are dumb and drink plenty of water~ 💗💗

@chanscoffee​ -> I know you’re super busy but I totally miss talking to you 😭😭 and I hope you’re well. I rarely use Snap but I need to hop on there sometime and maybe we can chat! Or on Insta. Idk we’ll see. Whatever you have going on just know I’m still supporting you and I’m here if ever you need someone. 💖

@daydream-jwoo​ -> Okay I’m telling you now imma be texting you soon! Seriously sis how have you been?! We have so much to catch up on! 😩😩 The holidays have managed to be both crazy and slow at the same time some how? Like time has been completely nonexistent and a total paradox lately. 🗿🗿 It’s wild. Anyway imma keep this one short bc it’s been so long and I’ll text you soon!! 💝💝

@thevampywarlock​ -> Give me a minute.........okay. *deep breath* AAAAH I THINK YOU’RE REALLY CUTE!?!?! ...Aaaaaanyway uwu” The stories you write are so cute and just, small wholesome things that you manage to extend and expand upon? Does that make sense? I really admire that. It’s like subtle but I definitely see it and eventually I’m going to come around to going on a reblogging spree \o7o/ But until then I hope you’ll consider stopping by and talking with me more? You’re a wonderful author and I think you have a kind heart. ^^ <3

@jisungsjheekies​ -> Oh sis. We gotta chat more too! Your stories are also very cute and well written and idk why but, I feel very compelled to support both you and @backhugsforhyunjin​ and whole squad. It’s very strange and I don’t mean to alarm anyone 😂😅 I just...can’t really explain it other than I feel like y’all are good people and I’d love to get to know you better. Anyway I’ll cut this short to avoid making anything unnecessarily weird, but, I’d really love to talk with you more! And I def support and appreciate you!!

@backhugsforhyunjin​ -> Sis you too, we def gotta chat more 😤 If you ever need anyone to talk to, I understand we aren’t close at all but I’m available to listen or give advice if you need it? 😅 Also, you’re a wonderful author as well. I really wish the best for you and hope to hear from you more in the future. If anything, please remember to take your time and know that there are people cheering for you! You got this, whatever it may be!!

@gaiyofanfiction​ -> Asdfghjkl now that we’re buds ofc I had to make you a part of this too 🤪🥳 I think we could use a team name, what do you think about #TurkeyDragons?  Bc the NCT float?? 😂😂 I like it honestly...but if you hate it lmk lmao. I hope we get to talk more soon and I’m really looking forward to an update of Twisted Karnival! One of the greatest fanfics I’ve ever read on here 😞✊ Of course with the Holiday season here updating isn’t super important, y’all pls take care of yourselves first and I hope you have a wonderful holiday season! (p.s. if anyone else is reading I wish this for y’all as well!) ❤️🎄

~~~

. . . That was a lot. If I’ve forgotten anyone I sincerely apologize and I love and appreciate you as well! Please don’t be mad at me 😩😩 At the end of the day I really do love and appreciate all my followers and mutuals, y’all are all fantastic and I’m always rooting and cheering for you like the Mom in every Pokemon rpg ;-;-;-; Keep going and become the Pokemon Champion okay? And I mean really go kick Gary’s ass, because he’s an ass and needs his ass whooped after all the crap he puts you through in Red/Green. I can’t wait for a reboot to come up on Switch so I can kick his butt all over again 😤🤭🥴 Anyway x9,000, thanks for coming to my Appreciation Ted Talks and I sincerely hope you all have a wonderful day and rest of 2019, as well as a happy New Year and an amazing 2020! ...Dear son of a biscuit it’s gonna be 2020. Wow. Letting that sink in. Where’s the rewind button? Actually I’m not sure if I wanna go back maybe it’s best if we bury this year for the most part and start over 👀💧

OKAY THAT BEING SAID EVERYONE GO OUT AND TAKE DOWN GARY!!! ILY ALL WOO 화이팅!! LET’S GET THIS 2020 BREAD after a cup of eggnog and some holiday celebrations uwu Peace out and again I love y’all! 💝

[sunsetsover]

i’d love to read one of your posts about ben’s actions tonight? like, we all understand /why/ but you have such a lovely way with words and i like pain. thanks 🥺

thank you, you’re so sweet!! usually i like to answer asks in order but imma let u skip the queue just this once bc this one’s time sensitive and ur so nice 🥺

so……. where do i even begin w this……..

the thing is ben has such horrible self esteem issues and a lot of ppl (both characters on the show and ppl in the audience) don’t realize that bc he comes across as very confident and bold and unfazed by anything, but the thing is….. that’s a front…….. he is not confident, he is not bold (not when it really matters) and he’s affected by pretty much everything. like massively so. what other people think of him - particularly people he cares about - affects not only how he sees himself, but also how he behaves. he seems to almost want to be a self fulfilling prophecy - remember how everyone thought it was ben who hit phil over the head, so ben was like ‘well seeing as though everyone thinks i tried to kill him, i might as well actually do it’?? yeah. he’s very susceptible to allowing other people’s opinions on him dictate his opinions of himself, as well as the course of action he ends up taking.

so it’s very easy to see how that lead to what happened with callum and their date. ian making a comment about it? well ben gives back as good as he gets, and this is ian we’re talking about, who is as obtuse as they come. but you see as ben leaves the beale’s that despite seeming unbothered by it, that comment actually got to him. it got him thinking: what if ian was right? what if he has a point? literally ben was already doubting himself after a snide comment from ian, that’s how affected he is by other people’s opinions (and also that’s how much he cares about callum!). and then you’ve got jay piling on top of that, and ok maybe his comments were innocuous and maybe he had a point, but with what ian had already said? the doubts really start taking hold. like maybe ian isn’t just full of shit, not if jay’s thinking the same thing - jay, who probably knows ben better than anyone. so maybe he and callum aren’t right for each other. maybe they won’t work.

and then you’ve got stuart who just puts the giant fucking nail in the coffin. he sets the disaster snowball rolling down the hill. and he does it in a really clever, manipulative way too (it’s a similar type of manipulation we see ben use on callum when he sold him that van!): he disarmed ben with an apology and with this newfound openmindedness, offers ben an olive branch by saying ‘i care about callum and i think you do too’ - essentially lowering ben’s guard - and then goes in with the ‘bad things happen around you so you need to stay away from callum because i don’t want happened to paul to happen to him’. and that undoubtedly completely fucks ben up - we didn’t even really need ian and jay putting doubts in his head before that tbh, i think what stuart said would have been enough to screw ben up on it’s own. and you know, i think even with ian and jay’s comments, if stuart hadn’t said what he said they might’ve been alright. ben might be a little bit off, but it probably would have been recoverable. but as soon as paul was mentioned - as soon as what happened to paul was mentioned - it was all bets off the table. we’ve seen how much paul’s death still affects ben, how much he still blames himself. so to have stuart basically insinuate that yeah, what happened to paul was somehow because of ben and that the same thing might happen to callum - someone that ben obviously really cares about - again because of ben? it was game over. stuart softened him up then went right for ben’s rawest spot. like how the fuck was he supposed to recover from that in a matter of hours?

and yeah, he probably should have done the decent thing and just cancelled. but that’s not how ben’s brain works. ee have already established that doing this exact thing is a pattern of behaviour for ben - he broke up w the guy he was seeing (that he was into!) in newcastle for the exact same reason he purposely sabotaged his date with callum: because he ‘had to, because if anything had got, like, serious, then [ben] would have ruined his life’. those are ben’s exactwords. now who does that sound like? what kind of paranoia is that kind of thinking feeding into? this is what ben thinks about himself. this is what ben worries he’s going to do to the men in his life. like this is what ben does!!! which is why it really surprised me that some ppl thought his behaviour yesterday was OOC. it seems to me that if anything this behaviour is perfectly in line with both his character and his previous actions. and to be perfectly honest, i think if ben hadn’t tried to deliberately fuck it up now, then he probably would have eventually. at least if he’s doing this right at the very beginning the two of them have a chance of working through it.

so why didn’t ben just cancel? well callum would’ve wanted an explanation. and what could ben have said, when he had been so up for it until then? ‘sorry, a few people have talked some sense into me and i realized i like you too much to ruin your life’? that wouldn’t have worked. ‘i changed my mind’? callum’s gonna ask why. ‘something came up’? callum might ask for another date. and ben clearly likes callum quite a bit, and he knows as well as we do that if callum had asked him out again, he probably wouldn’t have been able to say no. so he thinks: i have to break this until there’s no chance of recovery. i need to destroy any chance there is for us, get rid of any interest callum has in me. i need to make him angry at me, because then he’ll stay away from me. i need to make him hate me, because if he hates me at least he won’t be hurting. and if i do have to hurt him, it’s better to hurt him now rather than further down the line when it will hurt him ten times more. it’s flawed thinking, obviously, but ben’s a flawed man with a lot of issues and no self esteem who thinks that a) he doesn’t deserve someone like callum and b) that he’ll only end up hurting him, or that callum will end up hurt because of him. so in his own fucked up way, he was really trying to protect callum - from ben himself, and whatever pain ben’ll inevitably (as far as he’s concerned) end up inflicting on him. (and don’t forget paul and what happened to him was now at the forefront of his mind too, so i’m sure that only made him even more determined to make sure he gets callum as far away from him as possible.)

so what does he do? he completely fucking destroys this date. invites other people along, pays callum no attention, makes 0 effort, literally cops off with someone else in plain view and then makes it clear he’s not bothered what callum thinks about it (although it backfired a little bit bc callum’s such a sweetheart and also has no self esteem so he went the ‘no hard feelings’ route which must have infuriated ben bc like no!! he was supposed to kick off!! swear!!! call ben a bastard!!! anything but be so painfully understanding!!!!) and he does all of this to basically fuck their relationship up beyond repair. bc if he does that then callum will be able to move on and find someone else, someone kind and safe and normal who won’t hurt him or fuck it up.

and i know it won’t make sense to some people, but he did all of it with the best intentions. with callum’s feelings in mind, not ben’s own - in fact, ben’s feelings and what he wants are practically redundant in this situation bc he’s so set on doing what he thinks is the best thing for callum. what ben wants and feels about it doesn’t matter.

and he manages to do a pretty good job of ignoring his feelings up until the very end, when he’s essentially alone. then - and only then - do we get to see how fucking upset ben is about the whole thing. like he’s sitting there drinking by himself trying not to cry! he’s fucking heartbroken! because his actions during the date, that wasn’t him wanting to be cruel or vindictive or hurt callum. that was him trying to protect callum (and i know, i know not everyone will understand or agree with that but i promise you that’s exactly what he was trying to do). his own happiness, his own feelings, they don’t matter. he’s fucking devastated, but it doesn’t matter. callum is safe now. he’ll be alright, and as long as callum’s alright, nothing else matters.

and the most telling part of it all? the fact that ben didn’t go home w that guy he’d been kissing earlier. he could have. he so easily could have - the guy was into him, he was up for it, and we know ben’s not opposed to random hook ups. but he didn’t. he wasn’t at all interested. why? because he wanted callum. he caresabout callum. he was just using that guy to make his point - that ben is bad and callum shouldn’t be interested in him bc because he can do better. he had 0 interest in that guy and the minute everyone was gone and no one was around to witness it, ben made that very clear - he didn’t even want fuck him as a rebound or to prove he doesn’t care about callum or whatever. he couldn’t even pretend.

like ben just really cares about callum and that’s exactly why he did what he did - because he thinks that it was the best and kindest thing to do.

idk i just hope that this helps give people a little bit of perspective on why ben did what he did bc i feel like some ppl were kind of unfairly harsh on him. the way he behaved was not at all fair on callum, and i don’t condone what he did, but as someone who has been there myself (not literally the same situation, but the same ‘i need to scare them off now so i don’t hurt them in the long run’ way of thinking) i can confidently say that it was from a place of good intentions. completely twisted and fucked up and unfair, yes, but his heart was (mostly) in the right place.

but yeah lmao i’m glad you like my way with words bc you just got a lot of them!!! and perhaps a lot of pain too lmao 💕💕

[horde-princess]

Catradora in “Promise”

This ep has so much going on, I wanted to work through it chronologically and try to peel back the layers of their relationship. What are Catra’s motivations? What drives her to turn on Adora and leave her for dead? This gets kinda intense sorry but I add fun pictures to make up for it :’)

So the first flashback shows us how Catra came to rely on Adora for friendship and protection. After they relive this memory together, Catra instinctively saves Adora’s life, and they joke around a little--the heartwarming memory having briefly resurrected their broken friendship.

But as the episode continues, the cracks in their relationship start to show--cracks so deep they were hidden from both of them until they grew older. Catra casually jokes that Adora never had much faith in her, and when Adora agrees, Catra says she doesn’t blame her. This little exchange says a lot about their dynamic, since Catra always had so much faith in Adora (even when Adora may not have earned it). What I believe they’re talking about here is how Catra didn’t really work hard as a cadet, or do anything that would show her strength of character and thus allow Adora to respect/trust her. Catra was simply never given the opportunity to prove herself in that regard.

Then, Catra asks about Adora’s childhood memories. “It wasn’t all bad growing up in the Fright Zone, was it? I mean, you still have some good memories, right?” Considering the awkward way she asks this, you can kind of translate her question to mean “so, exactly how easy was it for you, leaving me behind? Did all the years we spent together really mean so little to you?” 

In the next flashback, they’re older, and we see how Catra is struggling to hold back resentment towards Adora now. They are evenly matched fighters--actually, Catra might be better because she’s craftier than Adora--but somehow it’s always Adora who ends up getting all the praise... and Adora never noticed how unfair it was.

When we met Catra in the first episode, she came off as kind of lazy and rebellious, right? But in this episode it’s revealed that she only took on that persona when she realized she would always be seen as second best to Adora. She chose to protect her pride rather than put effort into something she would never get due credit for--from Adora, Shadow Weaver, or anyone else. 

Basically, she had three options: 1.) fight against Adora and risk their relationship; 2.) work hard, accept her place as second best, and let everyone view her as weak (including the girl whose respect she desperately craved); and 3.) pretend she just didn’t care about her work. The implication of option 3 is that she chose to prioritize her relationship with Adora over her ambitions. But as Catra eventually learns, suppressing who you are is not a reliable coping mechanism.

After this, back in the beacon cave, Catra is attacked by a giant spider robot. She defeats it herself then gets extremely offended when Adora jumps in to try to save her from it. So we’re seeing how Catra’s past memories with Adora are affecting her motivations in the present day. She wants her respect but she’s not getting it. Now she’s back to being angry with Adora, and Adora (as usual) doesn’t understand why.

And then we get to a really pivotal moment. Adora apologizes for leaving, admitting she never wanted to leave Catra--just the Evil Horde. Then she says, “you could come with me, you could join the Rebellion! I know you’re not a bad person, Catra.”

Catra doesn’t respond but her conflicting emotions are written all over her face. Catra is not a bad person. She isn’t doing evil things just for the sake of hurting people or gaining power over people, like Hordak. She wants power to protect herself. Her morality is gray.

Catra was raised in an abusive, evil environment, trained to believe that people only respect you when they fear you. People only love you when they fear you... Except for Adora. Adora’s unconditional love was the foundation on which Catra had built her life. Through all the abuse and misery, it’s what gave her hope that things would be better one day. It’s what she clung to for survival. 

When Adora abandoned her? That foundation of love and friendship crumbled to dust. Catra was forced to fall back on the only other method of self-preservation that she knew: power. Control. With Adora gone, she would do whatever she had to do in order to avoid ever becoming a victim again. 

So at this point we can start piecing together Catra’s motivations... she is being driven on one hand by her childhood trauma (which Adora played a part in), and on the other hand by Adora’s betrayal. Adora is clueless about it all, which I sort of get since Catra never confronted her about anything. I think Adora is only just beginning to understand the extent of the emotional trauma she unintentionally inflicted on Catra, and there’s a lot of growth that needs to happen there before Catra will be willing to extend forgiveness. But I do think reconciliation is possible, and Catra’s reaction here when Adora says she’s not a bad person gives me hope that she can still be redeemed.

Moving on, there’s a flashback where we learn about Shadow Weaver’s abuse, and it sparks an argument where Catra yells at Adora for not protecting her “in any that would put [her] on Shadow Weaver’s bad side.” I won’t go into this since there are other posts analyzing it, but clearly Adora had broken her promise to Catra continually throughout their childhood without really realizing it. Anyway, then Adora asks why Catra won’t just leave with her and join the Rebellion, and Catra reveals it’s because she’s tired of living under Adora’s shadow.

Ok. Imma get deep for a second. So we’ve established that Catra hates feeling like she’s second best to Adora, and that’s what she thinks would happen if she joined her team. Strangely enough, in addition to Catra’s pride and ambition, my theory is that there may be a romantic element to this as well. Catra doesn’t want to be Adora’s sidekick, but... I don’t think her goal is to be better than Adora, either. I think what she wants more than anything is for Adora to see her as an equal. (Not once in the show does Catra say that she wants to be stronger than Adora. instead she says things like “I’m stronger than anyone ever thought” and that she wants Adora to feel weak. That’s a lot different than comparing their strength.)

Remember in the second episode, Catra tells her “it doesn’t matter what they do. The two of us look out for each other. And soon, we’ll be the ones calling the shots.” Catra was dreaming of the day when she and Adora would rule together, side by side. No more fighting for Hordak’s approval, no more relying on her protection. No more golden child vs. reject, but partners. Just the two of them at the top of the world. Maybe then, Catra would finally feel worthy of accepting Adora’s love. But how can they ever be equals, especially now that Adora is an 8 ft tall magical hero?... Well, they can’t be.

At least, not as long as they’re fighting on the same side. 

It’s only on the battlefield where they can be seen as equally powerful, equally respected... by their kingdoms, and, most importantly, by each other. It makes sense in a twisted way. After all, there’s a thin line between love and hate.

So I believe this is part of the reason she refuses to join Adora’s side of the war. Catra thinks she needs to win Adora’s respect in order to balance out their relationship. Even if achieving this goal costs one of their lives. That sounds horrible but, as I wrote earlier, Catra’s faith in love was shattered by Adora’s betrayal, and now Catra is utilizing her abusers’ teachings that people only “love” you if they fear you. 

[whew.........congrats if you’re still reading this lmao we’re nearing the end finally]

The last thing I’ll go over is the “promise” itself. Little Adora says the lines that Catra repeated wayyy back in the 2nd episode: “It doesn’t matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you. Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other.”

In what is possibly the most SOUL CRUSHING MOMENT IN TV HISTORY.... the girls walk off hand-in-hand, except little Catra turns back to look at her future self. and if I had to guess what was going through her mind it was probably something like, “I wish I could warn you, Catra... she’s going to break her promise. And your heart.”

Wow. This episode is an emotional journey. It shows that it wasn’t just one act of betrayal that turned her into a villain, but it was all the years of Adora unintentionally putting her down, despite promising to protect her. Catra sacrificed so much for their relationship, and in reliving this memory she realizes that she mistakenly placed all the faith she had in a girl who would one day throw it away like it meant nothing. 

So, it’s with this swirling mix of emotions that Catra, for the second time this episode, finds herself with the choice of saving Adora’s life or letting her fall. 

And now that she has had some time to reflect on it... well. What had valuing friendship ever done for Catra in the past?

edit: i’m in love with Adora, I just criticize her a lot in this post bc I was thinking from Catra’s perspective. I think Adora only had the best of intentions, but she was abused herself, and she certainly suffered under the burden of being Catra’s protector. Catra may have wanted her to rebel against Shadow Weaver w/ her when they were kids, but if she had done that then they both would’ve been screwed, and that’s something Catra doesn’t want to accept. Instead she wants to fixate jealously on the way Adora benefited from the special treatment. There is probably some truth to her accusation that Adora loved being the favorite (because, who wouldn’t?)--but that doesn’t change the fact that everything, everything Adora did was to keep Catra safe. Unfortunately, this arrangement still caused an inevitable status disparity, with Adora looking down on Catra and Catra stuck gazing up at her. god this ship is so tragic i love it ajsldjfl

[fitzrove]

author asks

Rules: answer these questions and tag five other fic writers to do the same.

I was tagged by @lieutenantmalcolmreed and @ladyaj-13, thank you both so much!! :D It’s always a joy to be Thought Of, especially by some of my favourite Endeavour fic authors, and I do love answering these even though I’m really slow with it lol

Author Name: Fitzrove

Fandoms You Write For: Just Endeavour, at the moment. I did translate one MCU fic into Finnish like two years ago and post it, but that’s not really a big hobby of mine lmao

Where You Post: Ao3, cos the Tag System and community are amazing

Most Popular One-Shot: Prelude, which is actually my second-ever Endeavour fic. I think it owes its fame to the fact that it’s some very good tension-laden jarse, and doesn’t have the baggage of layers upon layers of AU on top of it. XD So it’s easy to get into if you’re just getting into Endeavour fanfic! Not to toot my own horn, but I do like it myself as well!!

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: Paradise Lost, which I promise is GOING TO BE multi-chapter at some point, but I’ve taken forever to continue it because it’s Painful. I have lots of messy outlines and plans for it, and a general idea about where I want the story to go, but I just keep getting distracted by new ideas...

Favourite Story You Wrote: I think everybody who’s read my stuff and seen me gushing about my writing knows that it’s got to be Soft Like Summer Rain. It’s my novel-length baby that I spent most of Spring 2019 working on, and I’m really proud of it. It’s balm to my soul after s03e02 Arcadia lol

Story You Were Nervous to Post: Probably When I Look Into Your Eyes, It’s Over. It’s already pretty niche for being a part of an extensive AU, and it’s also my only explicit fic so far. I was (and AM) super super happy about the reception it got, though - even though it definitely isn’t one of my more popular fics, knowing that a dozen Human Persons read it and actually liked it was super reassuring. On Ao3, there’s really no need to lie about what you like and what you don’t - if you don’t really care for a particular fic, you skip it, and therefore every piece of positive feedback is genuine and feels Amazing. I still get super happy and excited whenever I get a kudos notification for any of my works... <3

How Do You Pick Your Titles: Song lyrics, and sometimes I’m super worried about them seeming lame. The title is always the last thing I think of - Soft Like Summer Rain had the working title of “western”, Are You Married, Mr Morse? was “rough him up” and Bad Ideas was just “shirley”. I’m pretty proud of the ones that aren’t straight-up song lyrics, though, especially Love Me, Love My Dog and Not Entirely Clueless. (puns are my standard for Best Title Ever ok that’s just how it is)

Do You Outline: About 95% of the time, yes!! If I come up with a super concise idea and write it down in one sitting, then maybe not, but I do have to write down reminders for myself if I want to not forget everything lmao. Soft Like Summer Rain had several docs, some with just the chapter text, but also several for outlining because I had so many things to think about. I also outline when thinking about sequels or putting off writing a story I really want to get on with but just keep Daydreaming instead of writing it... (*cough* Paradise Lost *cough*)

How Many Of Your Stories Are Complete: Fifteen, of varying lengths. I’m not currently hoarding any unposted gems, even though I do sometimes write things I never end up posting. A perk of that is that I get to reuse some good ideas later!

In-Progress: I’m not a big fan of posting unfinished stories, because it gives me Pressure to finish them, and I don’t like that feeling a lot. Currently, it’s only Paradise Lost.

Unpublished WIP’s, though... oh my. I think I have like 14 right now. Some highlights include genderbent lesbian jarse (I love the idea of a girl Jakes with outrageous lipstick cos who tf doesn’t, and messy-haired bookish girl Morse is just Precious ok), a gang/criminal au where the coppers we know and love are on the other side of the game, and, of course, a somewhat authorised sequel to @jasmiinitee‘s Jasper Nicholson/Morse masterpiece. And many others... ;)

Coming Soon: I’m trying to finish my... ahem... seasonally very fitting (spooky) October artwork as soon as possible, and then post it! I hope nobody gets traumatised lol. My IRL friends follow this Tumblr so imma not go into too much detail just in case...

(It’s not scary, it’s just horny.)

Do You Accept Prompts: YES! Please prompt me as much as you want to! I’m sometimes slow and sometimes super quick with writing, but I treasure new ideas <3

Upcoming Story You’re the Most Excited For: The sequel to Soft Like Summer Rain. I haven’t even started outlining it properly yet, but I desperately need it to exist, and I get all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it. It continues the fix-it sweetness of Soft Like Summer Rain, and in the beginning, I’m going to try my hand at actually writing some of the folks down at the station well. It’s Tough, but I do have to learn how to Fred Thursday and George Fancy eventually...

I’m tagging @jasmiinitee, @not-easy-being-green124, @california-112, @astridcontramundum and @hekate1308 cos y’all are some of my favourite Endeavour fandom writers!! And anyone else who wants to do this but hasn’t <3

[cousinslavellan-archive]

Author Interview

Tagged by @mordinette on my @amariahellcat account, ty! ♥

Name: Cass // Amariahellcat // Cousinslavellan

Fandoms: Guild Wars 2, Mass Effect Trilogy - to a lesser degree Dragon Age and Fire Emblem

Where You Post: AO3 and here! 

Most Popular One-Shot: It’s part of a series, but Reach and Flexibility is def the most popular... for unconnected one shots, it’d be Specter

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: To this day would be The Misadventures of Aria Ryder 

Favorite Story You Wrote: Y’know what, right now I’m super proud of Rose and Rainer - both because of all the feedback I’ve gotten from people about how much they loved the characters I created and the story, but also just... I’m really proud of that fic, and everything I accomplished in it.

Story You Were Nervous to Post: ...every story ever? Haha. Actually Rose and Rainer was one, simply because it was a foray into like... completely OC’s and not like, a Shepard or Ryder or anything. And also Tangled Paths because... not only is it a Braham/Commander fic, which didn’t rly seem to be a thing at the time, it’s also a Soul Mate AU, and I know some people are iffy on those.

How You Choose Your Titles: Random. Sometime’s it’s names from the fic, sometime’s it means something... something’s it just sounds cool.

Complete: 25

Incomplete: ...a few cough. 2 that I currently care about, per say.

Do You Outline: Yes and no. I jot down point-form notes, I don’t really have a formal outline.

Coming Soon/ Not Yet Started: I’m working on Tangled Paths and Regan and Teegan, tho I would like to work on my FE fics sometime this year as well.

Do You Accept Prompts: If I’ve reblogged/posted a prompt list, heck yes! 

Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: I rly rly rly wanna get to LWS4 things in Tangled Paths so I can write romance stuff and have it be... like... current timeline lmao. Cause I’m a sap and a dork.

OKAY Imma tag.... @shiverpeakstraveler @resonatingfern @sylvari-bouquet @tiaraofsapphires only if you want to of course! ♥

[sims-psycho]

all questions .For you. I am intrigued to see the answers :D

WOAH, honestly was not expecting this, but I guess I did ask for it so here we go :’) (under the cut cuz this shits looong)

1. Last kiss ~ Like, 5 months ago lol

2. Last phone call ~ Yesterday, my colleague phoned me in the morning to say thE DELIVERY I WAS MEANT TO BE SIGNING IN WAS ALREADY THERE. IT WAS 8AM. WASN’T MEANT TO GET THERE TILL 11 FFS

3. Last text message ~ to my mum, was asking her how yoga went (she does yoga)

4. Last song you listened to ~ Money by Pink Floyd

5. Last time you cried ~ literally last night, i cry DAILEY :’)

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice ~ kiiindaaaaa????

7. Been cheated on ~ pretty sure my ass of a first bf cheated on me yup

8. Self harmed ~ not conventionally, no

9. Lost someone special ~ Yeah, my aunt, she was one of a kind

10. Been depressed ~ oh yes :’)

11. Been drunk and threw up ~ surprisingly no, i don’t really do throwing up

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

12. had sex ~ nope lmao

13. How many people have you had sex with this year? ~ ….uhhh, none ^^

15. Made a new friend ~ Yeah actually, the new guy at work is pretty chill, i’d say we’re friends

17. Laughed until you cried ~ probably yeah

18. Met someone who changed you ~ nope

19. Found out who your true friends were ~ kind of yeah

20. Found out someone was talking about you ~ dude, no one talks about me lol

26. What did you do for your last Birthday ~ I went to see my bestest friend in the whole world ^.^

27. What time did you wake up today ~ not in the morning, i can say that for sure :’)

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for ~ I’M GOING TO SEE MCFLY THIS NOVEMBER!!!

30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time ~ never, i have no siblings lol

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life ~ jesus christ, so many things, i guess I wish i was a year ahead of where i am now

32. What are you listening to right now ~ the try guys podcast >.

33. When is the last time you had sex? ~ don’t know if you can tell, but I literally haven’t had sex in like a year :’)

34. Who’s getting on your nerves right now ~ do I count? Yes? Okay, myself XD

35. Most visited webpage ~ probably this dumb site 

36. Favorite colour ~ this:

37. Nicknames ~ i’ve collected quite a few tbh, Roo, Chu, Ross, Rossi, Chuckles and Chuck are most of them, used by various people >.

38. Relationship Status ~ single pringle so if anyone wants to love me up go for it XD

39. Zodiac sign ~ sagittarius

40. Male or female ~ fem

41. Primary school ~ no XD seriously tho not gonna write my schools on this hellsite :’)

42. Secondary School ~ noooo

43. High school/college ~ nooooooooooo

44. Eye color ~ like a blueish grey, sometimes rly bright blue

46. Height ~ 5’8 ish i think

47. Do you have a crush on someone ~ nope :’)

48. What do you like about yourself ~ tbh, i think i’m pretty intelligent, it’s like the one thing i can say ‘yeah, i’m good’ at >.

49. Piercings ~ my ear lobes, soon to be nose!!

50. Tattoos ~ GETTING MY FIRST ON WEDNESDAY! Let me know if i should post a pic here >.

51. Righty or lefty ~ leftyyyyy

FIRSTS:

53. First piercing ~ ears 

54. First best friend ~ this kid called Harvey when i was like 4, haven’t seen him in over a decade tho

55. First hookup ~ my ex boyfriend

56. First Bestfriend ~ isn’t…this…like…..the same question as like….two questions ago….?

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating ~ nothing :’)

60. Drinking ~ decaf tea 

61. I’m about to ~ play sims, duh, isn’t that what we all do here >.

62. Listening to ~ already said, the trypod

63. Waiting for ~ the inevitable caress of death lmao :’)

YOUR FUTURE:

64. Want kids? ~ imma get real for a sec. Yes, i have always wanted kids, but with the way the climate crisis is going and the complete lack of empathy our world leaders are showing towards it, I think it would be incredibly selfish for me to have children ‘just cuz i’ve always wanted kids’ :/

65. Get married? ~ maybe, don’t rly care for marrage either way

66. Career ~ i’ve been asking myself this question for the past 3 years, still don’t know the answer :’)

WHICH IS BETTER:

67. Lips or eyes ~ i’m assuming these are all about other people right? Eyes

68. Hugs or kisses ~ why not both?? :o

69. Shorter or taller ~ taller mmmm XD

70. Older or Younger ~ don’t mind a little bit either way

71. Romantic or spontaneous ~ *sings i want it all by queen* XD

72. Nice stomach or nice arms ~ stomach

73. Sensitive or loud ~ sensitive

74. Hook-up or relationship ~ hook ups are ewie (to me) so relationships every time

HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger ~ nooooooooooooo, thems some big red flags bro :’)

77. Drank hard liquor ~ yup

78. Lost glasses/contacts ~ surprisingly no, have broken my glasses a fair few times tho

79. Had sex ~ omg, for the 10 billionth time, y e s

80. Broken someone’s heart ~ unfortunately yes…

82. Been arrested ~ nope

83. Turned someone down ~ yup

84. Cried when someone died ~ yeah

85. Fallen for a friend ~ omg yes, and let me tell you, IT’S THE WORST!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself ~ fuck, thats too deep for meeeeeeee :’)

87. Miracles ~ eh, kind of? I dunno

88. Love at first sight ~ if feel like you can have some feelings about someone when you first see them that could lead to love, but not flat out love y’know

89. Heaven ~ nah

90. Santa Clause ~ i wanna say yes, but, you know…. :’)

91. Kiss on the first date ~ dude i don’t even date, let alone kiss on them XD

92. Angels ~ I call people angel a lot, but like full on angels with wings a shit, no >.

93. How would you label yourself? ~ i honestly don’t really know atm

94. Someone You Pray Everyday For ~ i don’t pray for people, don’t mean that in a heartless way, it just doesn’t do anything at the end of the day

95. Did you sing today ~ i sing, no joke, every day XD

96. Who From All Your Ex’s have You Cared The Most About ~ well, i’ve only had 2, and the first one was an absolute twat so take a guess :’)

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? ~ i ask myself this a lot and the answer always changes. Right now probably a few years

98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For ~ the saving of the planet

99. Are you afraid of falling in love? ~ i don’t think so

100. Do you like the way you look? ~ sometimes

[berryherbist]

So I just finished The Savior’s Champion by Jenna Moreci and

It...wasn’t good. In my opinion.

Well, I technically didn’t finish now, but this was what I sent my friend right after I finished reading it. It’s not a genuine review, mostly just things I felt right after I finished (and still do tbh). I felt like sharing it though so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I might do a more in depth review later, but I’ll just post this for now.

I wanna preface this by saying there’s nothing wrong with liking this book, and I’m not judging anyone who does, it just...wasn’t good. Also, there are spoilers ahead

Alright leggo

Honestly?? Honestly??? Where do I begin?? Specifics or the overall book?? Either way it was  b a d. Okay I guess to start, I feel like this whole book was a waste of time. Not in the "I hated it I wish I hadn't read it sort of way" though. I just felt like it was a set up for the second book. Like yeah, it technically had its own plot, but literally nothing was resolved and there were no answers to major questions. I was hoping to get /something/ by the end of the book, but it just raised even more questions and half of what happened didn't make sense after that ending. And it has absolutely no right to be as long as it is. There are so many parts that are unmemorable or useless, ngl I had trouble remembering half of the book.I feel like every scene or exchange between characters should either move the plot along or develop the characters more, and that hardly  e v e r  happened. A lot of Tobias' dialogue was just to show how much better he is than the other people in the tournament. Like, Orion and some of the others were decent, but Tobias was like the Golden Child of this whole thing. Like he couldn't ever do anything wrong. Even if he did fuck up or make a bad decision he ended up being right. Jenna shows obvious favoritism towards her two main characters and everyone else fades into the background so much they can hardly be considered shadows.I mean, she has how many characters and how fleshed out are they? Tobias and Leila are hardly fleshed out and don't change at all from their first to last appearance. I guess you could say Delphi is kind of developed, but even then we don't see too much of her. She's got a very tropey personality and most of her appearances are to connect Tobias and Leila.And I couldn't even be sad at any of the character deaths!! I can't even remember half of their names, let alone their personalities. I literally had to go back and reread the contestant's names (Raphael who?? Neil who??). I was disappointed at Orion's death, but not /sad/. It was more like a "damn, you're one of the few characters I don't hate reading about and now you're gone." And those characters hardly get a backstory. Again I know the book doesn't revolve around them but damn, if you're going to include this many characters don't just make them accessories to your mains.(She's got portraits/art for so many of her characters but they don't even have a story hdrasfjh. if you're going to go through the trouble getting official designs for them give them official backgrounds maybe??)Now moving on to individual characters...just...fuck...fuck I hate Tobias and Leila so much.First of all they're so fucking stupid. So fucking stupid. Especially Tobias. Why can't they just keep it in their pants and focus on things that are actually important? Like the tournament?? Or whatever the fuck Leila is doing?? Or the fact that they're being so obvious?? I didn't like Flynn but I agreed with him more times than I did with Tobias. At least Flynn understood it was a competition. Yeah, he was arrogant and was there for very selfish reasons, but damn he actually had his head on straighter than Tobias. If anything Jenna's most fleshed out character was Flynn. He showed both bravery and cowardice, he had his own goals and personality, and despite the fact he threatened to betray Tobias, he was basically loyal in the end. Aside from when the Sovereign ordered Flynn to kill him but like. Can you blame him? Also, if I found out that one of the people I was competing against didn't even want the "prize" (I don't like referring to the Savior as that but that's basically what she is adkjfadjdla) that I could possibly lose my life over than yeah I'm going to be pissed?? 

Tobias is just a Gary Stu. He's handsome, a "good man," selfless, talented, loved by many, and always talks about how fucked up and corrupted the competition is, as if other people don't know that?? I'm also pissy at how good he was at fighting. The boy has 0 experience except for the time he trained with Leila but he was able to kill the Giant, Drake, and Kaleo. I guess you could argue that he was fueled by rage or whatever, but against trained assassins?? I don't think so.And then Leila. Fuckign Leila. She was so boring. SO so boring. Basically just a female Tobias. Pretty, good at fighting, smart, and independent, with almost no flaws whatsoever, if any. Maybe you could count her being secretive as a flaw, but Tobias had literally no right to know what she was up to or any of her secrets. He obviously doesn't understand what goes on between politicians and other aspects of the tournament (or whatever Brontes is doing?? idk man) but he still demands Leila tell him anyway. Anyway, there's nothing intriguing about Leila at all. Get those two together and it's just cardboard on cardboard. They're so boring, and all they ever talk about is how much they "love" each other. I know Jenna was probably trying to hide the instant romance in TSC but they still only had thirty days to fall in love. And maybe it's just me but none of it felt real. SO much of it just felt like lust (how many times did we have to read about wet dreams or them grinding on each other like adhskja).As for her villains?? I honestly think I liked them more than her main characters. I mean, they weren't developed at all but I couldn't hate them just because they were dicks.Kaleo, for example. He's an asshole. Just a real mean fucker. Yeah, I didn't like how arrogant and unnecessarily cruel he was, but because he had no backstory or clear motives throughout the whole book I was just waiting on a reason to really hate him. The same thing goes for Cosima. We spend the whole book thinking she's the Savior, so I always thought a lot of her behavior was due to never having a mother and only being raised by her father (who I thought was just very protective at first tbh). But still, I don't even know how to describe her. Not quite bitchy but not the nicest either. Selfish maybe? Like, when Raphael was bitten or whatever she let the judging go on. Fake? How she flirted with all of the contestants. Ngl though I felt kinda bad, because she's the one who wasn't allowed to choose who she got to marry. (Kinda unrelated but Tobias always complained that men died for her and yeah it's fucked up but?? That's the competition?? and even though she's the Savior I doubt she could just be like "lmao nah let's not do this." He likes to act all righteous and good but he doesn't know wtf he's talking about lol). Or just gross, when she started groping and kissing Tobias when he obviously didn't want it? And it wasn't until the very end of the book that we started seeing those parts of her. When it's revealed that Leila is the actual Savior it was like, "okay, I'm supposed to hate her because she took advantage of acting as the Savior, and she betrayed one of the main characters. I see why she's an antagonist now." But it felt so cheap. Kaleo and Cosima were just there to make Tobias and Leila look better by comparison.

Did the people close to Tobias even matter??? Okay, so we had Milo, who was annoying af. I was lowkey happy when he died because I wouldn't have to read about him any more, but I also just. Couldn't care. Yeah he was Tobias' best friend but there wasn't a lot about him. And Tobias seemed to bicker with him more than anything tbh.His sister and mom were just kind of?? Forgotten after awhile?? His sister was the reason he entered the competition but soon enough everything was for Leila. He was fighting for Leila. He wanted to protect Leila. Leila was literally the only thing ever on his mind. Gaining a new motivation is one thing, but forgetting the people closest to you and focusing on girl you've known for a month is messed up. He was even about to leave with Leila to the forest at the very end. If I recall correctly Leila was the one to suggest going to their home. He was willing to just leave them in favor of running away with Leila.

Brontes was such a cut out villain it  h u r t (also fuck the official pronunciation of his name imma say it how I please). Old dude in position of power after more power (and we still don't know why) who has an obvious hatred toward the main character and is trying to sabotage him. Wowza. I'm so intrigued.I also  h a t e  how Jenna made it obvious who we were supposed to like and who we were supposed to hate. We need to hate Kaleo because he's a dick, we need to like Tobias because he's a nice guy. There was no depth to  a n y  of these characters. I'm not saying antagonists need to be a likable person, but they should be able to be appreciated as a character. I didn't like any of the antagonists in Gentlemen Bastards, but I at least found them interesting, and clever in some way. They were awful people, but they didn't give off that "high school bully" vibe that Jenna's antagonists did.There's nothing to differentiate the characters aside from whether they were "good" or "evil." There's no diversity in their mannerisms or the way they speak. Brontes, who's a royal, speaks the same way Tobias, a peasant, does. Also, you could tell me that Brontes and the contestants are all the same age and I'd believe you.Again kinda unrelated and it's not a book but like, in Boku no Hero Academia a lot of the villains have likable (and different!!!!) personalities and I actually enjoy them *cough* Dabi *cough* so it's not impossible.This might be just me nitpicking but I've got a problem with the way Jenna portrays Pippa. In her videos she claims that Pippa has development issues?? (like all of her characters lol) or something like that. As in she doesn't act her age. And idk if it was her intention but I really hope that that wasn't an attempt at diversity or anything. You can't claim diversity or representation in a book if you need to clarify outside of the book. 

Fuck in g world building. There. Was. None. Of. It.Here's what I know about the world: 

1.) There are multiple kingdoms (can't remember the name of Tobias' tbh) 

2.) The first Savior brought success or peace or goodness or whatever to his Kingdom and is now seen as a Goddess, essentially. 

3.) There's a brutal tournament to choose her husband when she comes of age

Other than that we don't know anything about the world or their society. What kind of customs do they have? What's their language like? I'm not saying she needs to give us every single detail of their world, but there are so many gaps that the reader has to fill in, and it feels so goddamn generic. You've got your royals, your peasants, your armies. Apparently it's like a greco-roman thing? But I wouldn't be able to get that from the book. I don't even have a lot to say on world building aside from the fact that it's just not there asejgfaldksfh. Alright alright the pacing of the book pisses me tf off.So the start wasn't too bad, the prologue has the Savior's mother being assassinated, and it doesn't take too long for Tobias to enter the tournament, and we get to the Labyrinth quickly enough, but after that there's a ton of up and down. For example the challenge that's like. Capture the flag or something like that. I hardly remember it, and you could tell moments like that were only so Jenna had an excuse to kill of another character that wasn't important. But then there were moments with Leila and Tobias that just dragged on and on, like their conversations or their time in the art gallery, and they weren't even interesting conversations. Nothing to move the plot along or reveal much about the characters. I guess you could say that it was to further develop their relationship, but I just felt like that's the only reason why they existed. I didn't feel like there was chemistry between two individuals, just two characters that were being forced to love each other.Again, not a book, but imma take Jake and Amy from Brooklyn 99 for example (I wanna use Percy and Annabeth but it's been like seven years since I've read it and I'd probably butcher their story lol). Anyway, Jake and Amy are easily their own person, and they're both really different, but they both have their own goals and they both admire each other for different reasons. They help each other grow, both inside and outside their relationship, and they're better people because of each other. Leila and Tobias don't have that. It takes pages and pages of dialogue, and moments where they are the only two interacting, to try and convince the reader that they're right for each other. Chemistry between characters shouldn't be forced through romantic or intimate situations. The reader needs to believe that the characters as individuals are good for each other. I don't know if I'm making a lot of sense here aeskjfh. 

Okay but back to pacing. The ending was just. So forced. And so rushed. And did absolutely  n o t h i n g  for TSC. In the very last pages we find out that Leila is the Savior and Cosima was just a face, but?? Why?? What was the point of withholding all of that information until the end if we're not going to get anything out of it. You could argue that we're going to learn more in the second book, but that's just bad writing imo. Obviously you're not going to get all of your questions answered in the first book of a series, but there should be some sort of closure at the end of an individual book, and we don't get that. The reader is left in the dark about everything at the end of TSC. We don't know anything, or understand what's going on. Imma just. complain about the fuckign part where Tobias is taken by Kaleo and Brontes. First of all, cheesy and lazy as fuck. I feel like that was just a way for Jenna to tell the reader what Brontes' plan was, or to further show how much of a dick they are, even though we already know. Also, just the whole being tortured thing. Really?? How many times have I seen that before??And then the  w a y  it ended. I was so disappointed. Aside from the fact that the last challenge/the maze felt rushed, the fight between Kaleo, Tobias, and Flynn was so boring and cliche. The way Flynn and Tobias worked together to defeat Kaleo. How Tobias was able to take down this ruthless assassin ("Fuck your parting words" afsdwkjld). And then what happened after Leila was revealed as the Savior, when they decide to go to his home. I honestly thought that the ending was just the end to another chapter and there would be another left. I turned the page and I was like, "Huh. So that's it then." I wasn't left feeling excited or looking forward to what happens next. I was disappointed and felt a little cheated. I spent all of this time following Tobias and Leila on their journey and I got nothing out of it, besides a forced romance. Also, I'm kinda just repeating myself here, but finding out that Leila is the Savior gives us some explanation for her behavior and actions, but now I wanna know wtf Cosima was for?? And why she was allowed to do that in the first place?? Like, I know Brontes wants to kill her, but why would Brontes let Cosima pretend to be the Savior. My guess is that Brontes would be able to kill Leila, the actual Savior, without creating chaos in the kingdom, but I don't know.

There is so much miscommunication/lack of communication in this story and I'm hte fuckign.There could've been so many questions answered throughout the book. I know I said Tobias has no right to know about Leila's plans, but she could've said something other than "it's complicated" or "you wouldn't understand." How many times did that happen?? Right when I thought we might learn something Leila would go on to say that Tobias couldn't find out, or something would come up and she would have to leave before she could tell him anything. This might've been able to work once, MAYBE twice, but it happened so often that I knew those kinds of scenes were useless and wouldn't provide us with anything, so it took whatever suspense was supposed to be there away.You could argue that because TSC is written in third person limited Tobias wouldn't know all of the secrets to the tournament and the government or whatever, but the way Jenna revealed things was so cheap. He suddenly gets an explanation from Leila at the very end, and Brontes and Kaleo capture him and tell him what their plan is. It would've been so much more interesting if Tobias took small things he learned here and there and pieced it together himself, or at least had some theories. Instead he focuses on Leila this, Leila that, why won't Leila tell me anything. All he does is brood and complain and it's so goddamn old.It kinda felt like the, "And then I woke up and realized it was all a dream" explanation.

I also really, really hate the way she treated her LGBT characters, aside from Dephi, she was decent. But she used the “kill you gays” trope. I’m not saying they needed to stay alive, I understand most of them were going to die, but she killed off one of them and then completely got rid of the other.

And then Kaleo. From what I can tell he’s bisexual.Which is obviously not a bad thing, but he wasn’t just a perv, he was disgusting and invasive, and even worse threatened to sexually assault assault Tobias, which feeds into the idea that bisexual people are just predators and want to fuck everything (Idk if I’m being clear about this hhh)

But yeah that’s all for now y’all

[punchmedanny]

Chicago II July 25, 2018

Alright strap yourselves in cuz this is gonna be a long ass post WITH SPOILERS for Interactive Introverts. I will mark where spoilers begin if you want to read about pre show stuff. If you don't want any spoilers whatsoever, don't feel obligated to read this even if we're buddies! Feel free to send me an ask/dm instead 😅

Alright folks, let's go!

Playing the Waiting Game

I was supposed to get to the venue at 4 for m&g, but I got there before 3 because a) i'm terrified of being late and b) my uber driver made excellent time.

The venue was not open yet, so my bf and I walked to a nearby mall. We passed by the tour buses (presumably dnp's plus other performers'). There was a group of people hanging around them looking v stalkerish (please don't hang around the buses before the show)

We got back to venue around 3:50 and waited in line outside till 4 when the venue let us in. We were near the middle of the line, so if you want to be closer to the front, get there sooner lol

Turns out I was behind the lovely @noodlephil in line (although I didn’t know till after!)

Two internet friends were meeting for the first time and crying (it was adorable)

Inside, there was a table with staff that checked and marked our tickets then gave us silver paper wristbands

We got in a second line where we had a bag check (our venue allowed sealed water bottles, but that might vary) and were scanned by a wand metal detector. After that, staff scanned our tickets 

We went to a third line which was the actual line for m&g and were told the m&g itself would start around 4:30

Marianne came by and said we would be waiting a bit longer for "latecomers" (im p sure dnp were the latecomers because most people were there at that point haha)

Marianne walked like a frickin goddess and her voice was beautiful

She made a speech giving us a rundown of how m&g would work, which I recorded

The m&g area was set up in the lobby to the side of the theatre doors

Dan and Phil entered from our left (towards the back of the theate)

They jogged across the m&g backdrop where we could see them better and waved. Dan did the cutest bouncy jump ever while waving. He stayed out longer than Phil

There was a table to set your bag on as you approached the backdrop

The music was loud af and there was NO WAY to see or hear other people's m&g - it was v private even though there were tons of people

Marianne was at the very front of the line and asked what she could do to help. I was like uhhh (because I'm eloquent like that) and she asked if we had anything for them to sign. My bf had golf balls lmao and gave them to her. I said I wanted to take a Polaroid for them to sign. She had me turn the camera on because apparently they’d had issues with Polaroid cameras in the past

I thanked her for the way everything was being run and joked a bit while we waited

When it was our turn, the people in front of us were completely gone (I repeat: v private). Marianne gestured and verbally told us to go on in

Meeting Dan and Phil

Phil was wearing his red jacket and good vibes t-shirt just like the beginning of "week in the life" He welcomed us with open arms and I went in for the Phil Hug. Wow. Phil is an excellent hugger and his arms felt a lot stronger than I imagined. And, yes, he waited for me to let go first

As soon as I let go of Phil, I stepped to the side and and looked at Dan. He was wearing his II denim jacket over a white t-shirt. He also had his arms wide for a hug. And lemme tell you, that boi has a fuckin wingspan. Dan gave a more gentle hug than Phil and we let go at like the same time

I am not a hugger and wasnt even 100% sure before I went in that I would hug them tbh

After the hugs, I stepped back and took them both in that's what she said. My initial impression was confidence and class. Literally, the most confident people I've ever encountered irl

Everyone says they're tall, but they are, as my bf said, taller than advertised. He's 6'2 and still looked up to both of them. I feel like they're both close to the next inch up honestly

They are wide. Like we've all noticed the Phil is wide, but Dan is too! They are literal giants

The cameras do NOT do them justice. Phil looks his age irl and I mean that in the sexiest way possible. He does actually have pores and tiny wrinkles (gasp), but I think they only make him more attractive. He oozes understated masculinity. But he also has serious nerd energy and idgaf attitude. Basically, he seems kind of badass

Dan looked flawless. Like I know every so often people wonder about if he wears makeup and all imma say is either he does OR he has the best damn skin care routine and/or genetics ever. He looks like someone after they use a filter

I'd say dan is suave and phil has swagger

(I'm about to sound real fucking weird) They both had such strong auras or energy or whatever you want to call it. It was palpable and BIG - like it extended off of them a couple feet. Dan's felt more static-y, while phil's felt more like balloon about to burst. It merged together between them to where I couldn't tell where one stopped and the other started

Marianne handed Phil the golf balls and he and Dan just stared at them in his hand in confusion for a second then Phil said "golf balls?" before my bf explained it was because they were the caddy lads. They chuckled and Dan said it was "the only series that has any value"

I am now the proud (?) owner of photos and video of phil holding two balls in his hand and I feel really weird about it

Dan asked if I had anything for them to sign, so I told him I wanted to take a Polaroid to which Dan replied, "D'ya want me to attempt the rare Polaroid selfie?"

Then I actually gently teased Dan (!?!?) because I'm a little shit lol I said, "I successfully did one this morning, so I hope you can"

They both seemed mildly amused and he did the thing where he touched his chest lightly in mock offense and said, "Well, let's see"

Tbh I think this was why I got genuine smiles in my pic

Dan said, "Beautiful" and Phil said "Amazing" lol (it really was tho)

Dan described the signature he'd be doing as "the tiniest little dan" and he used the highest voice ever

Phil's signature was so bad im pretty sure dan laughed at it lmao

Dan offered another selfie with my phone (i love him)

I shook their hands before I left and they seemed surprised, but appreciative. They both had excellent handshakes: firm, but not too hard. They both had soft, warm hands with Phil's being about average and Dan's being warmer than average

Overall, they were incredibly kind and professional. The vibe to be was sort of like talking to a boss who isn't your direct boss at a work party: fun, but still guarded

The saying goes "Never meet your heroes," but whoever said that obviously never met dan and phil. This was one of my happiest memories of all time

1500+ word description of the meeting including a sommelier worthy account of how the boys smell

And here’s the (real shit) video of my m&g

The Pre-Show

After meeting the bois, we were immediately given our goodie bags (one of them was double stuffed, lucky me)

Staff asked if we’d be staying in the theatre or not. Upon telling them we’d be leaving, they let us know we’d need to scan out so we could re-enter later

We bought merch (tie-dye/marbled look tee, long sleeved tee, and denim jacket). The line was basically non-existant, so if you have VIP 100% get your merch at this time

We scanned out and were told we could re-enter at 6 along with general admittance ticket holders

We had dinner then got back around 6:10. There was no line this time and we went through security and ticket scanning again

There were so many people everywhere and everyone was so cute! Why are we such a good looking fandom??? The line for merch was EXTREMELY long. RIP those folks

So was the line for the restrooms (and multiple men’s rooms were turned into ladydoors women’s restrooms)

We got 2 drinks (both for me) then went to our seats. We were front and center - I could literally touch the stage with my shoe from my seat. At this time I met @phandommom and @crunchytoasted1

The pre-show music was loud af where I was seated (I actually put in ear plugs lol). Lots of people were dancing and I got to witness crunchytoast dance to “Ladydoor” live which was a treat. At one point various people were running across the theatre with various LGBT+ flags to plenty of cheers. ‘Twas glorious. People did the whole waving the phone flashlights thing and sang along during “Welcome to the Black Parade”

My bf got me 2 more drinks

Showtime! 

THIS IS WHERE THE SPOILERS START!!!

It was so, so weird to see them onstage after having the m&g. I legit wanted to climb onstage and like be close again, but, ya know, I didn’t cuz I know what’s socially acceptable

We were called Susan. Classic

Phil was wearing waffle socks. As in socks with tiny waffles all over them

We sacrificed Phil to Satan and Dan died in a furry nightclub

None of mine or my bf’s answers got chosen and I’m a bit salty lol

We sacrificed Dan (the only correct choice fite me)

At intermission the line for the bathrooms was sooooo long omg. I got myself 2 more drinks at this point and called @h-owllslide to gush about the show. I spilled one of my drinks on my bf a little when I sat back down.

Danny was 3 centimeters away from loosing his dick and he got paint on his shoe. He seemed legit irked lol

Nick Jonas was in Dan’s box, but I don’t recall the other two cuz that was the only one that mattered imo

I got a piece of the sign and when they threw it into the audience it was a bit disturbing how everyone tore into it like a swarm of pirahnas

They wore Cubs baseball shirts over their usual shirts during the rap/song finale which was absolutely precious. I LOVED the finale so fucking much - it was magnificent

END SPOILERS!!!

Closing Thoughts

I wish I hadn’t drank so much (6 wines for those of you keeping track at home). I was getting real embarrassing by the end (as in screaming excitedly too much/ too often) and I don’t remember it as clearly as I wish I did. I was just freaking tf out and my anti-anxiety meds weren’t cutting it

I was struggling incredibly hard not to disassociate the entire time

I wish I could go to another show. It was so fun!

The following day, I had a major mood drop. If you’re prone to this, maybe have a plan to hang with someone and do something nice, but lowkey the next day

This was literally the most fun thing I’ve done in at least two years and was one of my happiest memories ever. We’re talking patronus conjuring levels of happy

If you can go, go. If you can’t, don’t feel too bad. It was EXTREMELY intense and not for everyone (especially m&g). Plus they are putting it up later, which I’m looking forward to because I think I’ll be able to better absorb it

Please feel free to ask me anything about the show! I’d love to go on about it lol

[winchester-writes]

You’re my Queen

Pairing: Arthur Pendragon x Reader

Word Count: 1,532

Warnings: self- hate, angst (shocker), fluffiness at the end 

Summary: The Queen starts to feel alone no matter how many people she’s surrounded by and starts to have these depressing feelings that she’s never dealt with before, does Arthur even notice? 

Author’s Notes: I really needed to write this out for myself the other night...so sorry not sorry lmao. Shout out to @mamapeterson for the beta!! I just copied the tag list from the King Arthur series I’m doing with @mrs-squirrel-chester, sorry if you didn’t want to be on it! Please let me know if you want to be taken off when I post other Arthur fics! 

**Feedback is greatly appreciated!!**

Never in your life had you thought this was how you would end up feeling; completely and utterly alone. No matter how many times you were surrounded by people, even your loving husband, that feeling that had deeply rooted itself inside your body loved making itself known. The hardships that came with being a Queen pressed down on your life more and more with each passing day. You thought you weren’t suitable in the first place, that just because Arthur loved you didn’t mean you were fit to be Queen. Standing before the people on special occasions, all you felt was humility, knowing that they were constantly making fun or talking about how poor of a Queen you were.

So you mostly kept to yourself, not venturing out into the village with Arthur, making excuses as to why you couldn’t attend balls or other special events. Being the center of attention was what a Queen was supposed to be; something you were not, it wasn’t your personality.

Cruel thoughts plagued your mind throughout the night as Arthur slept peacefully beside you none the wiser. You questioned every minute detail you did throughout the day, making sure you didn’t do or say anything too stupid to make Arthur look bad.

Soon thoughts on if he was happy with you filled your entire being, which usually caused you to silently cry because you knew he wasn’t. Arthur hadn’t touched you in weeks, barely spoke to you, and hardly looked your direction when the two of you were in the same room. At this point, you thought it was just a matter of time before he found a much younger, prettier woman to accompany his bed at night.

One morning, as Arthur got dressed for the day, you stayed nestled under the bedsheets, feeling safe beneath the warm material.

“Do you wish to accompany me today? I’m headed out to the edge of town, but I was thinking if you came with me, we could go out to that big tree we used to lay under.” Arthur spoke as he tugged his shirt on before shrugging his jacket over it, grabbing his belt next.

Gripping the sheets tight, your heart raced as you weren’t sure what to say. “I-I…”

“Please say yes. I have things I wish to discuss with you… alone.”

Sitting up in the bed, you kept your gaze on your hands in your lap, afraid to meet his own as you nodded your head. “Thank you. I’ll be in the dining hall. Come out whenever you're ready, love.”

It was a small word, a tiny four-lettered nickname that he rarely used anymore towards you, yet it still made your heart soar. “Yes, my King.”

With that he nodded and left the room, holding the door open as the hand maid walked in to help you start getting dressed for the day.

Once you were ready, you met Arthur in the dining hall as he requested, following behind him as he started to make his way towards the door that lead out to the stables. You weren’t even given the chance to eat breakfast. You held a hand over your stomach the moment it growled, but regardless, you remained quiet.

“What was it you wished to discuss?”

“You will find out once we reach our destination Y/N,” Arthur replied as he got the horse saddled up, not even sparing you a glance.

“Ok.” You spoke almost above a whisper as you stood outside the stables, waiting for your husband quietly, giving a tight smile here and there to the stable hands who happened to pass by.

After waiting no less than five minutes, Arthur’s hands were on your waist as he lifted you onto the horse before getting on himself. Hesitantly you wrapped your arms around his waist and the moment he felt your hands touch his stomach, he kicked the side of the horse and took off in the direction of the big willow tree.

With how fast the horse was running it took mere moments to reach the beautiful tree that held so many memories underneath it. The leaves and vines hung down from the limbs like a curtain swaying in the wind. Small white flowers bloomed all around and the grass was soft beneath your feet, just as you remembered.

Arthur helped you off the horse before walking towards the tree and brushing a part of the vines back so that you could enter first. Giving a small thank you, you walked in and sat carefully at the base of the tree, watching and waiting as he tied the horse up to a long hanging branch. He joined you on the ground with a loud huff.

“So, we're alone now and I have an important question to ask you and I would like you to be completely honest with me Y/N.” Arthur waited for your answer, casting his eyes down to the grass when you only nodded.

“Are you not happy with me anymore?”

That question all but stunned you. You didn't think that with the way you had been acting that he had even taken notice or cared. “O- Of course I am Arthur.” You moved to set your hand on top of his, but he pulled away.

“Then why are you sad all the time? You never join me in any festivities, you act as though you never want to be around me. We only see each other at dinner, sometimes only before bed. If there is something the matter I need you to tell me.” Arthur was standing at that point. Pacing in front of you, leaving you speechless.

He cared.

“No-Nothing is the matter with you, Arthur, I can assure you that.” You spoke softly, making him stop in his tracks and turn towards you, arms open in a questioning manner

“Then what is the problem here Y/N?!”

“Me, Arthur! I'm the problem!” You all but yelled, thankfully this spot was secluded and you could let out all of your built up emotions.

Arthur's face dropped and confusion replaced the hint of anger. “What do you mean you're the problem?”

“I don't know and it scares me. What I'm feeling…. I'm lonely every second of every day, even when I'm surround by people. I used to be Vortigern's slave, Arthur, I'm not fit to be Queen! How much more of a joke could I be?! I'm surprised you have not found a much more suitable woman to rule by your side! Let alone another woman to comfort your bed at night! You don't touch me or look at me. No man does or would want to any how. I'm just….nothing.” Your voice got relatively smaller as tears started to stream down your face. You continued to stare at the ground until Arthur walked up and tilted your chin towards him with his hand extended.

“Stand up, please.” You did as he asked considering he was still your King. However your eyes went wide when he cupped your face and planted a kiss to your lips, shocking and comforting all at the same time.

He broke away, setting his forehead against your own. “No other man should ever touch you or want you, you're my Queen, no matter where you came from and I am deeply sorry if I made you think otherwise. My love for you will never dwindle or fade out. There's not even a word to be used to describe how much I love you. There is no other woman in this universe that I would want but you. I vowed on the day I married you; you were it for me for as long as I'm alive.” He brushed some of your hair behind your ear before pulling you close to his body. “It looks like I have been failing if you are not feeling loved.”

Tears were cascading down your face, emotions all over the place, but relief was the most overwhelming. Your marriage wasn't in ruins and he did still love you. “You and I are going to get away, go on an adventure like we used to when we were younger. Except this time we can actually go anywhere you would like my love.”

Nodding your head you gripped him close and breathed in the smell of Arthur you knew all too well. “I would like that very much.”

“And as for the rest of this day, we're not going back. We're going to stay here until we decide to leave.” He sat the both of you down and maneuvered you so that you were in his lap, “We'll start off with me showing you how much I love this perfect body of yours.”

Arthur smirked and wiggled his brow which caused you to giggle right before his lips landed on your own. Your hands found their way to the back of his neck and held his face close to yours. The kiss was soon interrupted by the sound of your stomach growling, causing Arthur to chuckle.

“Maybe we should start after we get some food into you.”

King Arthur Tag List:  @because-imma-lady-assface @katymacsupernatural @concertxjunkie @the-witching-hours12-3 @sgtjamesbuchananbarnes107th @rebelslicious @rda1989 @notyetraised-fromperdition @gettinjoyful @carbonated-beverage @fast-times-in-the-impala @mylittlefandomfanfictions @goldenolaf25 @deangirl1992  @fangirl–of-everything  @brewsthespirit-blog @delicrieux @nuvoleincielo @vikingsfloki @fangirlquest @thebabeontheback @thevioletthourr @imyourliquor-youremypoison @i-never-said-a-pilot @faegal04 @blu-eyed-devil @hopplessdreamer @jessilliam-caronday @deekaahtj @succubussass @trisclary123 @aeryntheofficial @garnetandlace @whispersofjoy @sweatshirtsfromsatan @damnandriel-in-hell @14readwritedraw96 @meganlpie @aworldwideapart @caitlyn-blackwell @ellen-reincarnated1967 @ktgracee19

[skittlesandlemonade]

12/31/20

12:28am

and the tradition continues. i just finished reading my post from last year and lmfao all the goals i set for myself were pretty much unaccomplished. and you know what?? it’s ok!!! because just making it to this fucking DAY was a struggle - AND HEALTHY. and i can proudly say i never got COVID either (even though it felt like i fucking had it last year before we knew it was a thing). and i can say my biggest goal this year was just surviving in one healthy, functioning piece.

although i didn’t explicitly meet my goals, there are some things i’m proud of myself for doing. 

starting therapy is the biggest accomplishment. i’ve been actively trying to work on myself little by little and this will not only help my relationships but also how i am as a clinician.

i’ve gotten straight A’s this entire year, all three semesters.

i started seeing clients.

i’m currently applying for internship - terrifying but very exciting to know that the end is near.

i went through a breakup during the toughest, most stress & anxiety-inducing period of the semester and survived, pulled through, and finished my work even though i slacked off soooooooo much HEY I STILL DID IT LMAO. and not to mention just fucking doing school/work/practicum online all fucking year.

and just recently, i’ve put myself out there and have officially begun my hoe phase. so far i’ve seen two people and i’m enjoying it. i’m mostly proud that i was able to recognize what i wanted, get over the breakup, and just dive in. and most of all i know that a relationship is the last thing i want, so i won’t be inclined to jump into anything new, which is good for my emotions/head.

i’ve noticed that every other year tends to be a good year for me (particularly odd numbered years) so hopefully the trend continues on into next year. i know everyone is waiting for the date to change hoping that it marks the change to this nightmare of a year, but even though that won’t happen right away, i’m also hoping for the best.

here’s to looking forward to a vaccine very soon so everything can go back to normal.

i want to be able to treat myself better & spoil myself by buying things. this will require me to work more lol but since i don’t have anyone to do it for me, might as well.

i want to feel comfortable in a group of friends and have a steady circle i can rely on because i honestly do not feel like i have that right now. and i’m not sure if the problem lies with me or them, but i will work to figure that out.

i wanna continue dating and exploring options and reminding myself not to fucking settle.

ideally i would like to continue dancing when and where i can, and that may or may not allow me to train in shereal like i wanted to. but that does mean heels classes, video projects, small teams, whatever i can fit in.

i want to keep doing well in school because i’m almost fucking done and get through internship - I WANT TWO DEGREES TO MY NAME IN LESS THAN A YEARS TIME. and this is probably the most exciting part because i know i’ll truly be independent by this point and have my own apartment and a salary job. then i’ll finally be free. this is what i’ve been working towards since high school and it’s almost here. as much as i don’t envision my future and as exhausting as the present typically is, this is the one thing pushing me to keep working.

i feel at peace with where i am right now. i’m satisfied with myself. and happy. the breakup was not something i saw happening this year at all, but i’m glad i was able to process that and move on. i’m ok. i truly feel ok. i’m surprisingly happy. and i can say this because my anxiety and frustration and depression and feelings of being overwhelmed and not taking care of myself - alllllllllllll of that subsided when the semester finished and also after the breakup. so i guess it signified that a change needed to happen. i’m not mad at it, it’s something to learn from.

lol hopefully this time next year, imma have my feet kicked back in my new apartment, be vaccinated, have a job offer lined up, and maybe even a pet lmfao idk. or if i’m really lucky, maybe i’ll be at a party for the first time in my life like i’ve always wanted to. new york, times square? who knows haha. but for the first time, i’m fucking optimistic.