#but now I’m home and tired lol
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I’m aching so much. Thank god I have the day off tomorrow, even if I still have to run errands.
#Mads makes a text post#I need to get my mom a Mother’s Day card#I was actually going to do this before I went in#but uh…#I was not feeling good yesterday#and when I left half an hour early from my shift (still working the 8 hrs)#I got home. checked my temp. and it was about 102-3 degrees (F)#I knew I was feeling bad that morning and worse in the afternoon#(being chilly in a 72°F building was a huge indicator)#but DAMN lmfao#anyway I stripped my outfit#took ibuprofen and napped for like an hour#my fever broke by 6pm#still felt achy though and fell asleep early#still felt groggy when I woke up and debated on calling in#but when I took cold meds and popped in my Backstreet Boys cd in the car#I felt like 98% fine immediately#but now I’m home and tired lol
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in the hypster magazine, when asked if there was anything he reeeeeaaaaally wanted, ichiro responded that he wants one of those robot cleaners and you know else has been asking for that exact thing lmao????
#this is vee speaking#ichiro does a lot of trekking for his job on top of manual labour so he totally should be eyeing roombas#kuukou just hates cleaning LOL#(in kuukou’s defence that is a very large temple for only two people to be taking care of lol i’d be tired of cleaning everyday too 😤)#so inevitably when jiro and saburo have left home and ichiro can do whatever he pleases#he will move in with kuukou bc they’re now married and fr this time lol and they will buy a roomba for the temple LOL#ichiro said he wanted to discuss with his bros how to afford one i think and i’m curious about which angle that’s for#like less allowance (procured from their family business and is therefore a wage cut basically lol) or do they work more jobs????#*steeples hands* how DOES yorozuya yamada handle its finances LMAO#vee is arting
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do you crave to be home playing with your sims while you’re out or are you normal
#ugh i’ve been out all day 😭#i had to sit through a two and a half hour marvel movie (actual hell) (for me)#it was my husbands work thing and it was free as the whole company went and then we had lunch after and omg bro#i can’t socialize for the rest of the week actually. i’m tired. overly stimulated as heck.#being a naturally quiet and shy person with anxiety is hard when you’re surrounded by outgoing extroverts for hours lol#anyway. i’m in the car going home now. i just want to work on my sims story 🫠#it’s just hard choosing to be out on a weekend when it’s where most my free time is lmao like. huh i could be playing sims rn#oh being an adult and having hobbies and a social life and work is hard
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i’m gonna sound stupid for saying this but i’m acc very upset that real life is keeping me away from being a loser here 😔
#suki rambles#i’m barely at home anymore with how much i spend time outside... and i just wanna sit down and WRITE#but as soon as i come home i’m just so exhausted from studying and travelling that i pushing out a 1k fic-#-which would normally be so easy for me feel so impossivble now#and now i just stare at my wips feeling disappointed in myself that i’m too tired to work on it#me staring at my vampire!kita fic 😔#me staring at my lemurian! rafayel fic 😔#the younger me could’ve stayed up and pulled an all nighter to finish a fic but now i just could NEVEERRRR#i need my 8 hours of sleep or i won’t function for a whole day#and i feel so horrible too that i’m so behind on replying to everyone 🥹#DTD TOO BRUH like i was so dedicated in updating every week but when im FINALLY at the last chapter thats when i get so busy ugh#like i don’t wanna be hard on myself bcos i have written a lot and also this is just a hobby but thats the thing!!#i feel like i’m so busy with adult things that i don’t have enough time for writing (which brings me joy) and i’m sad about it lol#big sigh.#tw: rant
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Starbee vacation end
Started the day off with some hot cocoa (which cybertronians can totally drink) and pandolce…complimentary bed and breakfast for them!
Then they said bye bye to the boats and started on the road-trip home.
They made a stop for a small beach date
Then continued on home
And picked up a friend a long the way!
Bee fits in his arms so well ^^
#star almost lost his kneecap at the beach hahaha 😭#these are actually from yesterday because I was busy until now lol#but now I’m tired so I’m going to go watch cbv and be cozy in my bed that isn’t the floor of a boat or a stiff rv bed#i love being home sometimes it just hits different lol#also I ran around a parking lot today which is a contributing factor to my tiredness#transformers#maccadam#starscream#bumblebee#earthspark#starbee#tfe bumblebee#tfe starscream
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so
#last night was really so so so fun and it was super hard to get myself to go out? like#in the sense of I really wanted to because I knew it would be fun but I also knew my anxiety was eating me alive#and it would be an obstacle getting through that without alcohol and I need to be … careful#but I got fun drunk and didn’t have too bad of a hangover and didn’t feel super anxious once we got out :#and a different friend wants to make plans for tonight but I am really bad at making plans in advance because sometimes I physically can’t#do things after work bc tired bc neuro disorder and it’s frustrating to my friend with severe control issues#bc she needs to make specific plans like a week out and I’m like erm babe I can’t like#do that? and then if I don’t feel well day of and need to be home she gets (rightfully) frustrated because I’m bailing but it’s#challenging. and you don’t understand unless you live with it.#and it’s frustrating for us both. I don’t want her to think I don’t value her because I do and I force myself out often enough bc I#genuinely feel bad. but it’s so fucking hard sometimes . she also lives sort of far so going from work and having#to drive an hour to her place to then go somewhere and be out like#I’m spent before I even get there#friend I saw last night and I don’t talk consistently but when we do it’s always the same vibe and so fun and we just catch up about life#I feel like when I see my other friends they have things to always talk about because they’re in a discord call almost every night#I don’t have the energy!!!!!!!!!! like I’m so sorry that’s so much for me#idk she isn’t answering me now but if she wants to do something I need to know in the next hr bc if not I’m literally going to bed#I love her but there’s a disconnect between us rn and I don’t know how to mend that gap#but I do love her friendship so I’m just like. sigh#idk it would be different if she was closer and I know that#I hope getting back on medication helps get me being more social again. I’m just so tired this week that speaking is hard lol
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i’m THIS close to just—
#my girlfriend is sick w the flu and i’ve been looking after her which i honestly love to do#but doing that as well as working and cooking and tidying up after our flatmate who hasn’t lifted a finger to help is really getting to me#and work has been so so tiring and unnecessarily stressful and everyone else in my flat has finished work for the holidays#which makes it so much worse because i’m at work tidying up after everyone and keeping it together#and then i come home and do the exact same thing because my flatmate is useless at doing their bit#and they’re literally just sat at home all day with all the time in the world. and they ate all the leftovers so there’s none left for us#so now after washing up the dinner stuff from last night i have to go to the shop and buy ingredients for dinner tonight#because i can easily just not eat when im too tired but my girlfriend needs sustenance so. a meal will be made#screaming into a pillow ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🥳#i feel like a single parent these days lol
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feeling deeply unlovable and then remembering that luffy could love you no matter how horribly damaged you are is a lot of emotions
#mixed emotions of how comforting luffy is as a person and grieving that it’s not possible irl#but also not having limitless mental strength for your loved ones is normal luffy is a fantasy character for a reason#and it’s not just cus he’s a rubber man#just a little heartbroken nothing new#this is so bpd of me lol#i can say that now with my chest cus it’s going into my chart#but yeah no. i’m clinging to this piece of comfort idc it’s been an awful week and i’m so tired#and luffy’s warmth is the only thing i want to come home to right now#my sunrise#he makes me believe in living#just straight up living and staying alive#and lord knows some days it’s hard#luffy is a miracle#cus genuinely when there’s nothing left luffy will still be here#luffy i miss you#vent blog#close ur eyes lol this is so normal of me
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y’all never gonna guess what i was doing the past 10 hours (the answer is violently throwing up and taking a 4 benadryl induced nap)
#the celiac strikes yet again 😔 god damn choir party and that yummy breakfast casserole#i threw up like 20 separate times and GOD those stomach cramps were the actual worst thing in the world#i’m so tired now lmao i slept like a dead person#thankfully i went home from school early so i didn’t throw up at school lol#me when my chronic disease 🫶
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Me rn knowing my sleep schedule is fucked since I’m taking night classes this semester
#relatable#lol#a day in star’s wacky life#that’s college baby!#yeahhh fuck this#one class I HAVE TO TAKE only offers night classes and I can only take afternoon classes now#so I get home around 10:30-11:00 PM twice a week and it’s already affecting my sleep schedule#it’s currently 1 AM and I have to wake up at 6 AM and get ready for my classes#fuck this 😭🙃#AND YES I’M TRYING TO FALL ASLEEP BUT I’M UNFORTUNATELY NOT TIRED 😭😭😭
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Just got done volunteering for a trans and queer event and oh wow. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a room with so many other queer people in it? As in, openly so. Met a few other trans people, some very out and some still in the closet. I kinda just signed up for this shift on a whim. Ooh boy I’m glad I did. Besides, it was a brilliant event! The standup was hilarious the music and theatre - it was just great!
#anyways#I asked if they’d be doing any more coz now I wanna get involved#I’ve had a one act brewing for a while abt trans people in history that I’d love to actually. show.#I got their contact info! fingers crossed#yeah where I’m from originally#being queer is a nightmare#but this was amazing!!#im gonna start signing up for more shifts on whims!#but I do just wanna go home now lol#i’m so tired
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You guys…my plans to go to Atlantic City just fell through…this is primarily devastating because I’ve been obsessed with the Bruce Springsteen song of the same name for like two months rather than disappointing re: the actual contents of the city in New Jersey lol
#and I can’t check up on the chicken man in Philly bc#My whole Philadelphia leg is bust too because Lauryn Hill POSTPONED the Fugees concert I had tickets to :-(#and my friend’s friend’s grandmother is now ailing so he went up to Maine to go see her lol#which is honestly…I’m so tired of sleeping on friends floors it’s time to go home#I did really want to see the ocean though it’s been so many years#but admittedly late October is not ideal for the east coast lol#but I did swim in the ocean off the coast of Maine in late sept once and well that was cold#and I’m really into extreme temperature experiences these days…hashtag wim hoff#but once I rendezvous with one more very dear friend and see killers of the flower moon it is back to the fucking south for ol bob
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Think I saw the same black van two nights in a row coming home from work so now I’m tryna plan a different route because I am viciously paranoid
It’s also very very windy and I woke up from a nightmare and immediately started panicking and staring out of my window because I thought I heard a car door slam
(I think it’s bin lids now but it still sounds very much like a car door)
Anyway I hate being a girl. Every other path home from work is longer and takes me through even scarier paths but idk what else to do
I just really despise being a girl at times.
#im home alone can you tell lol#im such a solitude loving loner#until night comes and I can’t stop picturing the unspeakable things#and I can’t stop waking up in the middle of the night either I’m so fucking tired#and I don’t even walk home at night!!! bjt fucking fall/winter comes and I have to#which is why I instinctively say I hate this season#sick of it#i love summer evenings when the sun is just setting but it’s still bright#and warm#everyone’s bustling around for dinner or smoking cigs#walk home is peaceful and nice#now??? I walk like someone is personally after me#im scared of every persona dm every car#I keep turning around to check if someone’s behind me#im so so so so sick of it all
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[ gone all day but I’m back lol gonna get another liked starter out ]
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just got home from school ～ ate a sandwich to cheer myself up, think i’ll play genshin for a bit and nap ... pulling on shenhe’s banner solves everything
#oh wait i'll give you a mark then! but wait no its still wrong nvm#venting a little because i’m just so bummed and silly and i was in such a good mood yesterday so like how did we get here#i failed my math test and that set my mood for the rest of the day which is dumb i know but aghh#the teacher had us add all our grades and then i was like wait theres this one question i think you mightve marked wrongly#and for a sec he was like that was so embarrassing LOL#i got a 26/30 for history — something i didn’t revise for. i got a 20/20 for my eng lit test. plus bc i did so well on my en oral exam-#-(got full marks btw) i’m being nominated to participate in this speaking thing. when my homeroom teacher found out abt this she even said:#“yeah‚ i expected mika to be a good speaker because everytime she speaks to me i...” and it was a really nice thing to hear but even after-#-all that i’m still so sad. i studied for my math exam i really did. so why did i still fail. i didn’t even pass my class this time#i prepared for a week beforehand. looked at past questions and learned things i never thought i would grasp. asked friends for help & i-#-paid attention in class i wrote down notes i did practice questions why was that not enough. looked up proper study methods and tried to-#-balance everything nicely! so why did i still fail‚ right? and i feel so disappointed in myself.#of course i made the mistake of lightheartedly complaining about this to my straight A & A* student‚ beloved by teachers‚ prefect friend#“you’ll do better! it’s not that bad!” i’m so tired. i know i’m an awful friend for being so bitter but i can’t-#-endure myself any longer. and i got home and i ate a sandwich with my sister and mom at the table and-#-my sister made a comment about how ahhh she’s in a bad mood again cuz it’s a monday !! and i hate that i’m so obviously down. i don’t-#-wish to ruin the mood or anything so like#and i have my malay oral exam tomorrow and i wrote my script wrongly apparently so i have to redo that#i’ve given up on memorizing it i just hate going to school now#and then ahhhh another project another presentation i’m so sick of this so sick of myself#i should have put this at the very start but umm! anyways please don’t reply to this or try to reassure me i appreciate it i really do but-#-i just needed a place to be silly and its already kind of embarrassing enough! so just acknowledge this and move on. thanks. love u guys#cw vent#cw negative
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At what point of using google translate as a free text to speech tool to communicate with my grandma when I’m nonverbal do you think it would be worth buying an actual text to speech app or device
#like atm I’m doing it bc my throat is fucked from this cold#but it happens relatively often when I’m home tired from work#like I just can’t talk it won’t come it’s like trying to lift hundred pound weights#like I COULD if I really forced myself but at what cost yknow#ramblings#you know given the recent genai shit it’s probably worth it now just to avoid using google translate lol#i guess if anyone has recommendations hit me
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