#im gonna start signing up for more shifts on whims!

[mycological-mariner]

Just got done volunteering for a trans and queer event and oh wow. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a room with so many other queer people in it? As in, openly so. Met a few other trans people, some very out and some still in the closet. I kinda just signed up for this shift on a whim. Ooh boy I’m glad I did. Besides, it was a brilliant event! The standup was hilarious the music and theatre - it was just great!

[sagittariusboyfriend]

im gonna do a "how i see the signs" as well!!

traditionally masculine aries: a force of creativity. oftentimes politically correct. very friendly and easy to talk to, but will shift in temper and energy depending on whether or not he is in focus. musically inclined.

traditionally feminine aries: also a force of creativity. a kind of jittery energy that cant really be contained. might go up and down in volume a lot depending on social context but is always bursting to have a conversation. very awake and with fire in her eyes. openminded and wouldnt hurt a fly. artistically inclined.

trad. masc taurus: ugh horrible. forcefully straight forward, blunt in an unsensitive way, not that good at picking up on social cues because he is convinced of his reality. might be pompous and pretentious, even bitter. the flip side of venusian traits - pretty uncharming. snarky. way better at group/professional relationships than personal relationships. assertive in the workplace and is doing his job better than anyone else could.

trad. fem taurus: intelligent and an intellectual. sensual, assertive, has such a presence that people are in awe most of the time. might be pretentious but its actually genuine and doesnt come off as a negative trait. powerful.

trad. masc gemini: ahh gemini. witty, quick, reactive. genuine, but in short bursts. his intuition is based upon HOW he feels at any given moment, however he has no clue WHAT he feels. scared of emotions. might have a tendency to gaslight. obviously prone to communication and loves learning from history, but has a hard time seeing the bigger picture over the details. small things make or break him... for a week or so. then its forgotten, until something stirs it up 6 months later, and his emotions are all over the place; its like they get tossed up in the air and love might stick to the ceiling and pride to the wall and fear to that person over there and he has no idea where to start to assemble. charmingly childish, prone to grumpyness. social artisan regardless of controversial values or not. needs constant intellectual stimuli.

trad. fem gemini: does not need romantic relationships to feel like a complete person! prefers friendships over love relationships, and can usually pick and choose between lovers if on a romantic whim. not always even interested in shacking up with anyone, makes a happy independent single household. that "fun" friend. self-confident, quick, witty, might have a sharp tongue. absolutely excels in social situations and knows everyone in one way or another, and everyone knows of her in one way or another. prone to ghosting people for weeks because she simply forgets to respond. loses focus easily. probably works in sales. might come across as not so complex to other people.

trad. masc cancer: sweet, charming in a wholesome way. in tune with himself. intuitive and embraces and encourages talking about feelings. oftentimes very politically correct. might live somewhat of a fake life in the sense that he IS a family man, but cant help himself from wanting dirty, promiscuous sex for many hours with many random people. giving and generous - in every sense. probably does a lot of philantrophy or volonteers.

trad. fem cancer: reserved. exudes feminine energy, almost to a point that she is not comfortable with herself. very very sweet, just wants everyone to be okay. will disappear and reappear in social circles and no one will know where she has been, but theres an air of mystery to it and no one dares to ask. might be some kind of red preistess lol.

trad. masc leo: loyal, as long as he doesnt feel in the slightest that he has been made a fool of. very strong integrity, but an integrity that is based on image. easily approached, the nicest person in the room and will include and respect everyone. generous and genuinely loves anyone who does not come off as harmful, and will give you his last money if he feels you need it more. works hard to feel safe. creative in what he thinks is a funky way, but its actually pretty mainstream.

trad. fem leo: also honest, hard-working and loyal. integrity is also important. creative in traditionally artistic ways, like photography or drawing. has a natural authority but is the sweetest person and will NOT abuse it. very passionate about peoples equal value, doesnt really have a flare for drama at all, just wants to be stimulated. when she loves she loves with every fiber of her being and being affirmed by her partner is imperative to self-worth.

trad. masc virgo: retains information like a motherfucker! man, what a chattery bloke. an earth sign ruled by mercury makes the most, i think, well-rounded PR personality. gemini can frick off when it comes to arguments because trad. masc virgo WILL shut you down. he serves facts and will probably be a tad manipulative about it, but will also admit to it. doesnt really wait to run you over or quip back, and then just stares at you blankly as if he is waiting for a response. witty and warm like a sun to his closest, will make jabs and is cold like granite to people he doesnt like. might however have some ego issues.

trad. fem virgo: pretty much exactly like trad. masc virgo, only retains a certain jovial energy and a strong sense of nurturing and dicipline. very funny! authoritarian.

trad. masc libra: might come across as very calm and even meek at times. everyone likes him, no one dislikes him, but he isnt a big personality. nice and sweet and always positive. comfortable in the background as the glue that keeps groups together. not very verbally communicative, but ingenious when he channels his communication through music or art. wants to be appreciated and very much is. pretty private, but everyones friend.

trad. fem libra: full of the good venusian traits. loves love, loves good food, loves yoga, loves pampering herself and others. the best hostess you have ever met. has a hard time deciding on things and will make herself suffer through qualms and trials for days for something that, for anyone else, could have been decided within a couple of minutes. somewhat of a perfectionist. spiritual. gets along with everyone. very into female impowerment.

trad. masc scorpio: kind of rude, but smart. he doesnt know where it comes from, but his subconscious intuition oftentimes leads him to hidden truths, whether they are pleasant or not. might be the jealous type. can just trust his gut and will know exactly what is going on behind closed doors. intelligent in a very abstract way. might come across as always ready to strike just in case someone thinks they are better than him in any way.

trad. fem scorpio: does not show emotion easily. is very intelligent and knows how to lead a conversation where she wants it. inquisitive, literally opens her entire mind for you when you sit down one-on-one. not for anyone to enter, but for her to use ON you, and will analyze your behaviors to the core and dig around in there. make you see things from perspectives youve never even thought about. this could be used for bad, but usually its used for your own good because insight and truth, darkness into light is what she is after. intense. low key passionate. a great person to brainstorm with. excudes sultryness, but almost like a perfume, an illusion, mostly because people become so mesmerized with her psychological skill that they immediately figure she is coming on to them. powerful socially. doesnt want nor need drama, the quest for truth just gets ruthless sometimes. loyal if you dont mess with her integrity. unlike leo, her integrity is based on conscious and subconscious intuition. not into practical things in general. does not care for high morals.

trad. masc sagittarius: good at everything on the first try but gets bored easily, even depressed when forced into routine. diplomacy is important, so is personal freedom. a charismatic positive personality that shines bright and has an almost gravitational pull because of it. wants to be valued for his brain and generosity of free, non-traditional love and insight. learning is everything. the bigger picture is everything; abstract concepts that you can translate and cross-reference to different doctrines and schools and philosophies. on an eternal quest for knowledge in all situations, be it emotional or practical. "why do things work like this?" he asks and is genuinely excited to hear your and everyone elses reasoning. his goal in life is to get to know himself through others and to find firey partners to come along for the ride and share the fun. loathes drama, wants everyone to be accepting. optimistic. might be the guy many fall in love with but who is completely oblivious to it because he has his mind set on other things.

trad. fem sagittarius: very much like trad. masc sagittarius. also fierce, takes no shit, the life of the party, everyones instant friend and a BIG personality. equality is very important!

trad. masc capricorn: attractive, cold, sexual. on the grind, because everything works against him either way so he might as well work hard and overcome. dry humor and a smug smile, vicious eyes. but tender and fragile once you get to know him. so used to being the underdog in his own head that he hasnt realized everyone sees him as the leader. doesnt realize people follow him. doesnt care. is just and stern. is not afraid of delivering harsh truths, can shut you down with a look.

trad. fem capricorn: leads with silence. not because of shyness at all, its just a demeanor that comes naturally. although may have been shy when young, simply because of society. exudes power, unknowingly or knowlingly. intimidating and stylish as fuck. eloquent. uniformity is a keyword for everything. has learnt the hard way. hilarious dark humor. prefers respect to spectacle. is a force to be reckoned with and gains pretty much everyones respect.

trad. masc aquarius: might have a hard time deciding about personal freedom, what is and what isnt. contemplative, insightful, the least traditional of traditional men. high EQ, might prefer polyamorous relationships, almost lacks jealousy. tall and slender. very much capable of seeing through all points of view and will speak rationally. rarely gets heated in discussion because he just doesnt see the point in being reactive.

trad. fem aquarius: a higher being. high octave intuition; the person with the highest EQ youve ever met in your life. new insights with every breath. does NOT care for tradition, usually only indulges in the bare minimum of tradition to move about unnoticed in society as the penultimate alien being they are. she has an entirely different kind of mind that seems so complex and effortless at the same time, and her knowledge and ingenuity could change the world - if it was only ready for it. finds solutions to everything. altruistic. optimistic. so wise and so rebelliously young at the same time. manages to care for everyone and everything all the time. truly wondrous.

trad. masc pisces: an academic. a sensitive guy. highly philosophical, in its scholastic form. makes a good teacher of abstract concepts. always searching within himself first before speaking. interested in history and the human mind. constantly battles with feelings of not being good enough but always comes out as more and better than expected. probably very introvert.

trad. fem pisces: witchy. dreamy. some kind of seer. needs quite some time to process emotional impacts. has a tendency to mimick peoples traits and quirks without knowing it. very emotional, highly sensitive. very impressionable. open to and thirsty for new ways to make sense of all these emotional impacts, but might change ideologies and/or trim her sails to the current wind. conflicting subconscious emotional forces at play all the time which leads to a lot of self-doubt. not necessarily introvert, but introspective.

[eyespywithmyoneeyegtfo]

The Last Hunt

This story is a possibility.  It is not a story of what will be, merely a story of what could be.

The old man dozed in his chair on the back porch of his house.

He wasn’t as young as he used to be, and the pleasant weather combined with the comfortable cacophony of children playing about in the water relaxed him to the point of drowsiness.  Were he capable of more than just nodding off comfortably in his chair at the moment, he might grump about how even as little as five years ago he would have been eagerly joining in their play.  But such was life, and such was the harsh mistresses that were Time and Age.

At eight-and-sixty, Arden Tide had surpassed his own life expectancy by a good three decades.  Many of the people he’d called friend had preceded him into whatever came after, precious few still lived, and they rarely visited anymore- mostly due to their own infirmities in dealing with their dotage.  It didn't bother him.  They still communicated by pearl when the mood struck them.  He knew everyone had their hands full these days.

“Tell us a story, Gran’papa Tide!”

The abruptness woke him with a start, and the old man cursed up a storm that had the dozen miqo’te children that had scampered up to the porch giggling in amusement.  Arden couldn’t help but curl his lips into a wry smile.

“Come on now, children,” came a voice from behind him as the mesh-screen door opened and out came a miqo’te woman- lovely, statuesque, far taller than a normal miqo’te, standing at just a shade over six fulms in height, with jet black hair, piercing blue eyes and skin the color of chocolate. “You leave yoah Gran’papa to rest, don’t botha him none!” she said in an admonishing tone of voice.

Arden couldn’t help but chuckle indulgently as the cubs before him looked abashed.  “It’s fine, Arha,” he said at length, shifting in his seat.  “Nap time was almost over anyway,” he deadpanned.  “What story do you li’l troublemakers wanna hear this time, eh?”

“The one about the creepy house!”

“Unka Dunrai’s battle in Bahdam’s Mettle!”

“The great morbol hunt!”

“Gran’mama Zareen’s last hunt!”

All became silent at this last one.  That story was a favorite, and it showed as many young cubs’ heads all rapidly nodded in a rare show of solidarity.  Gran’mama Zareen, the last of the Jaguar Tribe, and also Mother of the Jaguar Tribe.  A legend.  A myth that had lived and breathed, whose memory lived on in the Shroud, where the new Jaguar made their home.

She, the love of his life.

Everything that this iteration of the Jaguar was they owed to Y’zareen Serhan. all of the stories, all of the laws that the Jaguar followed had been set down by her, at first so that the Jaguar would not be forgotten… but then so that her cubs- their cubs, her and Arden’s- would have something to go by, a blueprint to follow.

Y’arha was the eldest of them, the mistress of the hunt, the teacher, the mother either in fact or in spirit to a whole generation.  And it was her hand which came to rest on Arden’s left shoulder.  Another warm sensation came to rest on his right- another hand, this one belonging to their youngest, Y’sarang, the one who most closely resembled her mother- the same build, the same height, the same color eyes, the same color hair, the same facial features and sometimes even the same expressions.  She, too, was a huntress and a teacher.  And a Sin-Eater, like their mother had been.  But unlike their mother, she had not been shunned for her duty.  The new Jaguar learned from the mistakes of the past, after all, and she was honored and revered for her sacrifice like Y’zareen should have been.

Y’ravin, their son and middle cub- who like his elder sister inherited his unusually large size, his hair and his eyes from his father- carried his own young cub on his shoulders, grinning as he approached the gathering.  He’d never shown interest in becoming a leader, or challenging for the position of Nunh, but he supported his family in all things- in his case, along with Arden’s sister Ravija’s children, he kept the family business, the Aldenard Protection Agency, alive and well decades after its inception.  “Hah, they’re all so quiet.  Must be tellin’ that story again, eh, Pop?”

Arden smirked at his boy- no, he wasn’t a boy anymore but a man grown with a cub of his own. “Near as I can remember, a certain someone who’s gotten too big for his britches used t’sit just as quiet-like.”

“Hey, I still do!  Just making an observation- sic ‘im, Y’zareen,” he said as he set the toddler down, and the little girl who was his great love’s namesake ran right towards her grandfather, all but crashing into him like only a young cub who had just learned how to run could.

Arden laughed and picked the cub into his arms and set her down on his lap.  “Well now, someone’s happy to see me,” he grinned.

“Stowwy!” the girl said, patting the old man’s chest playfully.

“Oh, I see how it is, just like these little heathens over here, ya just want me for me words,” he play-grumped.  The little girl giggled.

“Awright, awright, gather in close, I ain’t gonna yell it out for the lotta ya,” he said, smiling when all of the cubs sitting near his feet- his son included- scooched closer.

“Let’s see now...It was nigh on ten years ago,” he began, and slowly lost himself in the familiar cadence and rhythm and words of the story.  He didn’t even have to think about it anymore, so well-practiced and well-memorized was this story.  It was, without a doubt his favorite story to tell.  The one that stung the most, yet filled him with the most pride.  The story of his Jaguar, his mate, his fire, his shadow, his storm.  His Zareen.

And it was a complete and total lie.

The story was as much a dramatic retelling of their final hunt together as it was an exaggeration of the things that Zareen- and now Arha- had tried to instill in the young ones.  Discipline.  Duty.  Ferocity and implacability against your enemies.  Letting your emotions run free but not letting them run away from you.  Keeping a level head.  Doing what you must.  Making the hard choices and living with them, or dying by them

But he never told them what actually happened during that precious hour that Sarangerel’s bracelet gave her, the hour to decide exactly how she wanted to end her life after she finally succumbed to the Void within.  And Twelve willing, he never would.  That bittersweet pain was all his own and it always would be.

They knew from the beginning that they were on borrowed time, but neither of them expected to spend twenty-three glorious years together.  More than enough, yet not nearly enough.  She had been careful over the years, and the signs of her inner void taint took a long time to develop.  Discipline.  Self-control.  The will to resist temptation.  Considering how Zareen loved to live life to its fullest right to the end- dancing on that razor’s edge, playing with fire and shadow, becoming that storm that Arden loved so intensely, hunting her prey until the very last moment, spending all those years burning in her fire were as great a gift as the three cubs that they made together.  Year after year the taint inside her changed her outwardly, but she was still the same.  Her hair became closer to a mane.  She grew downwardly curved horns.  The tattoos on her body came alive, spreading and covering her arms.  Her hands became larger, her claws stretched and became long, wicked razors that she could retract at a whim, and near the end of their time together, whenever she called upon her aether a nimbus crown of blue-black void energy floated above her head- as if they needed more confirmation of what she was slowly becoming.

But even though every second they spent together was as precious as the rarest of gems, that last day- that last hour- was the most precious of all.

They had known going into that day, when the veins in her body and the blood within them grew black, that it was almost time.  And so they hunted one last time, together.  They went to the ruins of the ancient city of Mhach, which were still infested by powerful voidsent.  And it wasn’t long after they began their hunt that Sarangerel’s bracelet finally activated- the dull metal disc finally opened and revealed the arcane pattern of gems that blazed with power which it hid.

They both knew what that meant- Zareen’s mind would no longer be her own in an hour’s time.  She would become that which she had hunted and destroyed for decades.

And so Arden wove a fanciful story.

A story of a frightful battle against a voidsent he didn’t actually know existed or not, against hordes of creatures that never actually happened.  Of Zareen deciding that it was finally time to end her last hunt, bolting on ahead to the heart of the city and detonating her soulstone, like a star itself being born before his eye, burning as brightly and as furiously as her heart always had.

His children knew the story for a lie, but they allowed him this one thing- this one lie- because they saw how happy it made him to share this story with the cubs. They heard the fierce pride in his voice when he spoke of how they battled their way through the hordes of minor voidlings to reach their target, and they saw the painful longing in his eye when he spoke of his great love: Y’zareen Serhan, their mother.

They didn’t know the truth.  They didn’t have to know it.  No one but his old friends Khenbish and Dunrai knew the truth, because they were the ones he went to after Zareen’s hunt was over.

No one else needed to know what happened in that last, precious hour. No one needed to know about the tears and the screams, about the anguish and the terror.  No one needed to know exactly how much a man and a woman could do with one another or say to one another when there is literally no time to waste.  No one needed to hear about the gentle retellings of their favorite moments together, about the fierce, loving pride they felt at all they accomplished as partners and mates.  No one needed to know how badly Arden wished to follow his mate to the Lady’s side, but for his need to stay.  Ravin and Sarang were young yet, and needed their father’s guidance, and Arha was yet too young and unproven to lead the reborn Jaguar on her own.

But for them- for the three beautiful, strong, courageous, intelligent cubs created from Arden and Zareen’s love, fire, shadow and storm- the story would have ended before it was ever told.

And so Arden watched his beloved go, before the void claimed her forever, and watched as the voidsent swarmed her. And she fought them, roaring in defiance the entire time as they wounded her time and again, until that brilliant flash of light and power from her exploding soulstone claimed them all along with her.

Arden stayed rooted to the spot long after the marsh had reclaimed the crater that had been the center of the ancient ruin, and he hardly remembered returning to the custom mana-cutter he’d had built for traveling on their tandem hunts.  He hardly remembered getting in and flying his way back to the Shroud, to Khenbish and Dunrai’s home, where they had so often welcomed his and Zareen’s cubs when they went out to hunt, where their own procession of adoptive children had come and gone.  He hardly remembered collapsing to his knees in front of them when they greeted him.  There were no words exchanged- no words needed to be exchanged, they knew immediately why he had come.

And his brothers held onto him, kept him together when the shattered pieces of his heart threatened to fall and disappear into the nothing where they had been hidden before Zareen had walked into his life.  They kept him together for this, he thought to himself as he brought the story to its conclusion, smiling at the awed, joyful expression in each cubs’ face, at the way his son’s eyes glistened with emotion, at the fierce pride in the smiles of his daughters.

He wouldn’t have known any of this without Zareen.  He wouldn’t have seen their cubs grow and thrive and have cubs of their own.  He wouldn’t have known the bittersweetness of raising his own family, with and without his beloved.

*********

The old man dozed in his chair on the back porch of his house.

Vah’an...

He wasn’t as young as he used to be, and the sun’s rays had slowly begun to dip down and darkness filled the Shroud combined with the comfortable cacophony of children playing about in the water had relaxed him to the point of drowsiness.

Vah’an…

Were he capable of more than just nodding off comfortably in his chair at the moment, he might grump about how even as little as five years ago he would have been eagerly joining in their play.

It is being time to awaken, my vah’an…

But such was life, and such was the harsh mistresses that were Time and Age.

It is being time foah one last hunt, yes?

The gentleness of the call woke him with a start, and the old man cursed up a storm.  Arden looked around and saw that the moon’s light was the only thing illuminating the clearing behind his home.  Where were his cubs?  Where were the grandcubs?  He forced himself to calm down.  Something had to be wrong- they wouldn’t just leave him there, asleep.  Abruptly he shot to his feet when he saw something out of the corner of his eye.

A cat.

A large one.

A jaguar, sitting at the edge of the treeline, as slight blue-white corona of aether surrounding it.  Arden gasped, rubbing his eye and blinking rapidly.  When he looked again the jaguar was trotting away, into the forest.

Arden didn’t think- he simply gave chase, all thoughts of his children and grandchildren flying away like startled birds, because he knew this had to be a dream.  The rapidity with which he ran out of breath and his muscles protested the sudden activity after such a long time without it quickly put paid to that belief.

Arden panicked as he lost sight of the jaguar, and he spun in place, gulping air as he tried to find it.  Find her.  

Because it had to be her.

“My vah’an…”

Arden turned abruptly at the sound of her voice.

“Zareen,” he said, breathless, eye wide in wonder as the very image of Y’zareen Serhan as she had been on the day they met stood before him, shrouded in that blue-white light.

“Ahden, my mate,” she replied, her smile as dazzling and her eyes as brilliant as he remembered them. “Long have I missed you,” she said, lifting her hands to his cheeks.  They felt warm, with the familiar calluses and the very tiny pinpricks of her claws that he’d long ago committed to memory.

It felt like an eternity before Arden was able to speak.  “I’ve missed you too.  Every damn second of every damn day.”  His voice was thick with emotion, his eye glistening with unshed tears as he touched one of her cheeks with an aged, well-spotted hand.

“I know,” he said, her smile turning sad,  “I am being sorreh.  But I am also being proud, my vah’an.  Proud of what you and ouah cubs have built.  It is being theah time, now.  It is being time foah you to come home, aftah one last hunt togethah, like befoah,” she said,  and leaned up to kiss him on the lips.

Instantly, the old man felt that rush he hadn’t felt since the day she died- that fire, that shadow, that storm.

And in that one moment, Arden Tide was no longer an old man.

He was as young, as happy and as full of vigor as the day they met, as the day she said she loved him for the first time, as the day she told him she was carrying their first cub.

“One last hunt,” she smiled.  “One last hunt, and then we return home to The Rivah- to be letting it take us wheah it may, so we can find each othah again in the next life, yes?”

Arden’s response was simply in the kiss he gave her in return.

********

The tiger and the jaguar padded away together into the forest.

Y’arha, Y’ravin and Y’sarang wept tears of joy as they saw their parents reunited for the last time- the perfect end to their imperfect love story.