#but now I have to point it in the opposite direction
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I just graduated college and took my capstone on propaganda. Not the just the history of it but also its evolution, how it works, and what makes the best propaganda.
With the ‘unbanning’ of tiktok and the inauguration being within a day of each other a lot of propaganda has been thrown at us. I want to share what is called “the ten rules of hate” from Matt Taibbi’s book “Hate: Inc: why today’s media makes us despise one another”, which was published in 2019.
To give some context for the ten rules, Taibbi says in this chapter (chapter two) regarding the news cycle, "after generations of doing the opposite, when unity and conformity were more profitable, now the primary product the news media sells is division."
But before I state the rules I just want to remind everyone PROPAGANDA OCCURS ON BOTH SIDES. Neither side is better than one another when it comes to propaganda, it is a necessity. I say this as a democrat who believes the next four years are going to be hell. Just today I saw propaganda from both sides, ironically fitting into these ten points.
THE TEN RULES OF HATE:
There are only two sides
The two sides are in permanent conflict
Hate people, not institutions
Everything is somebody else's fault
Nothing is everyone's faults
Root, don't think
No switching teams
The other side is literally Hitler
In the fight against Hitler, everything is permitted
Feel superior
What most people get wrong about propaganda is that its intention is not change your thought process immediately, no. The purpose of propaganda is to nudge you in a certain direction. Whether that be you seeing that trump unbanned tiktok and for a split moment you think 'maybe he isn't so bad' or seeing an instagram post from Path2Progress saying 'it's a dark day in America' and you get a tinge of fear.
I am making this post because I want you to be able to look at the media you are soaking up and be able to notice that people are trying to manipulate you. Of course, there are other points to propaganda that I did not get in here as I could write several papers on this subject, which I have.
And before anyone says in the comments, "but Trump is literally Hitler", I'm just going to point out that this cycle of calling people Hitler started long before Trump's presidency in 2016. Glenn Beck, who's a conservative commentator really began the "Your neighbor is literally Hitler" movement. In Taibbi's book he writes, "Beck was awesome at this. Al Gore was Hitler. Obama was constantly Hitler." I know must Democrats would not consider these men to be Hitler, but I use this example to demonstrate its use in years past on the other party.
I am going to leave you with a quote from one of the first books written about modern propaganda. It's called "Propaganda Techniques in the World War" and was written by Harold Laswell, then published in 1927.
“But by far the most potent role of propaganda is to mobilize the animosity of the community against the enemy, to maintain friendly relations with neutrals and allies, to arouse the neutrals against the enemy, and to break up the solid wall of the enemy.”
#Propaganda#donald trump#tiktok ban#trump administration#us politics#its alright to be afraid#its alright to feel happy#though i don't agree#just don't let yourself be controlled#think for yourself#i can write more if people are interested
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Spy x Family Ch. 110: Is Donovan Desmond a Mind Reader and Most Importantly, Is Twilight Doomed?
Nah.
Twilight isn't doomed, this isn't the end. Calm down, there's no need to panic about that.
Think about it for a second, if Donovan Desmond could read minds, the SSS would have arrested Twilight the minute he said bye to Desmond on that first meeting.
A few months ago, when we saw a young Donovan Desmond appear, I did a poll/analysis about whether or not he could read minds.
Even after the most recent chapter, my opinion is still the same: No, he can't.
Some people think that maybe he can get a glimpse into people's past. Although that would be a super awesome power (and it would be one hell of a plot), I don't think it's the case, because that wouldn't really tell him much and I don't think it would have affected him to the point of forcing him to distance himself from everyone.
I do have a theory about him. I've mentioned it before but here it is again:
I think he can tell when someone is lying.
Yup. That's it. A human lie detector. It made sense a few months ago, it makes even more sense now.
It fits his personality, his fixation with liars as a child, it also fits the theme of the whole story (everyone is a liar in sxf, everyone has something to hide) and most importantly, it fits his behavior.
We know that Donovan Desmond did not initiate war with Westalis. Chapman was Prime Minister when the war started and Desmond followed after him. There's a big chance war ended while Desmond was in power. If I'm not mistaken, the war has been over for about 10 years. I have the feeling that Desmond may have launched Project Apple as a means to protect peace.
And how would someone who is obsessed with lies do that? Of course, by wanting to know how others really think at all times.
My guess is that he volunteered himself to participate in the experiments, that would also explain the scars he has on each side of his head (which he didn't have as a child). It's unlikely he was a war veteran, because politicians and people in office never go into a battlefield, so he didn't get those scars in battle.
I think he really tried to obtain mindreading abilities and he failed, but not completely.
Imagine how it would be to have that awareness of people lying ALL THE TIME. How awful it must have been for him to get this power and realize than even his family, the people he felt closest to were lying to him. I think that's the reason why he isolated from everyone. It also fits what Melinda describe in the last chapter:
Let's look at that Desmond family dinner from that perspective. He cannot read minds but he can tell his wife is lying (because she's scared of him and doesn't want to be there!). It also makes sense that Demetrius keeps his mind blank because he suspects his father knows what he's thinking, so he's train himself to not think in front of others.
His behavior shows a person who has completely lost faith in humanity. He pushed everyone away because he didn't want any more lies, and to protect himself but, by doing this, he also ended up hurting his wife to such an extent that she doesn't recognize him anymore.
Since another theme of sxf is getting closer to and relying on people while forming bonds despite their masks and lies, I can totally see this could be Donovan's story, also parallel to Twilight's by the way: You can distance yourself from others to protect yourself but it'll be a lonely life.
Yes, Donovan is safe, guarded from everyone's lies, but he's also missing out on his family's love and also on the possibility of changing the world for the best.
Twilight is going in exactly the opposite direction of him. He's becoming alive, tearing those walls down, learning to rely on others, and loving his family.
Another Important Thing to Consider...
Everyone is so worried about Donovan Desmond possible mindreading powers that no one has mentioned one very important thing: Twilight's purpose for Operation Strix!
THIS is what WISE and Twilight really want to do: to find information that would allow them to remove people who seek war from power.
It's one hell of a strategy and a tough one for sure. And I agree; scandal, especially in such a conservative society like Ostania could do a lot of damage to politicians like Desmond, parties like the National Unity Party, and institutions like the SSS.
It wouldn't surprise me if at some point in the story it actually works. However, I don't think Westalis is as clean as we think. Food for thought.
#spy x family#twiyor#sxf#loid forger#donovan desmond#melinda desmond#spy x family analysis#spy x family manga#spy x family meta#spy x family chapter 110#spyxfamily
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Breaking Point
Spencer Reid x reader
notes: angst/arguing followed by fluff/comfort, gn!reader, no use of y/n
wc: 884
Every relationship had their weakness, the one thing that tested how strong two people really were together. You and Spencer found out months into dating that your relationship's pressure point was exhaustion. It hit you both after two back to back cases across the country in one week, a friend’s wedding on Saturday, and a dinner with your parents on Sunday. By the next week, the two of you were stretched thin.
For you, the exhaustion made you irritable. Things you usually had patience for were getting under your skin and turning you into, quite frankly, an asshole. Spencer somehow had the most patience in the world and this only pissed you off more. Why wasn't he annoyed that your neighbors kept taking up two parking spots? Why was he so calm when you lost power for 12 hours?
As much as you ranted, Spencer listened. He made it a point to be a good boyfriend even on your worst days. This didn't mean that the exhaustion didn't get to him too. Spencer’s lack of sleep brought out his insecurities. The more irritable you got, the more worried Spencer became that he was the one annoying you.
On a normal week, you had more control over your emotions. You were thoughtful about how you spoke to Spencer and you were able to let the small stuff roll off your back. But this week wasn't a normal week and you couldn't stop the anger that kept slipping out of you around every corner. Spencer’s solution was to give you space, but deep down, you didn't want to be alone. Not even on your worst day did you want Spencer not to be curled up on your couch with you.
And how could Spencer say no to you? He wasn't evil, if you asked him to stay, he'd stay. Even if you had a permanent scowl on your face and didn't offer any conversation.
“Spencer!” You groaned, fighting the urge to stomp your foot like a child. “Why do you keep putting your wet towel on top of mine? There's another hook behind the door and every time I go to use my towel, it's wet!” You brought the towel out to Spencer and threw it onto the couch. Before he could finish his apology, you were continuing, “It just drives me crazy, honey. It makes me cold getting out of the shower and-”
“If you hate having me around so much, then why am I even here?” Spencer cut you off, raising his voice in a way you'd never heard directed at you before. Anyone who didn't know Spencer well would see his words as anger, but you knew Spencer well and you could feel the hurt and insecurity seeping out through his voice.
You both froze, staring at each other in silence while you replayed his words in your head. After a beat, your shoulders sagged and you moved to sit on the opposite end of the couch from him. “Shit,” you sighed and grabbed the towel to start folding it, “I'm being mean, I'm sorry. I do want you here,” you promised and looked over to find Spencer staring at his lap.
“It's fine if you don't, just… tell me that. I don't want to keep pissing you off and making things worse,” his voice was calmer now and your heart ached. Spencer, the light of your life, felt unappreciated and unloved, because of you.
You reached out to take both of Spencer’s hands into your own and gave them a squeeze. “Hey, I want you here. I love you,” you emphasized, “having you here helps and I'm sorry I haven't been showing it. This week was just… you know how it was. And my parents just get under my skin, but I shouldn't have taken that out on you. I'm sorry, sweetheart.” Spencer couldn't hold any anger towards you if he tried and the thought made you want to cry. Your Spencer, that you were cold and bitter to, still held your hands tightly and pulled you to his chest after your apology.
“I'm sorry I put my wet towel on top of yours. I know you like having a warm towel after your shower,” he said softly and kissed the top of your head, “and I'm sorry I raised my voice at you.”
You sniffled and shook your head against Spencer’s chest. “No, don't apologize for that. You should've raised your voice at me sooner, I was being a brat,” your voice was muffled by Spencer’s shirt but he took every word in, rubbing your back as you spoke.
After you'd both calmed down, Spencer took you to bed where you both slept a solid three hours. You woke up feeling lighter than you had all week and Spencer felt relieved to have you back to your usual self. “There you are, my beautiful love,” he whispered and brushed your hair from your face.
“You're one of a kind, Spence. Let's not overdo ourselves like that anymore. Next weekend, we’re taking both days off and we’re not seeing anyone but each other,” you promised and rolled over until you were straddling Spencer’s hips. His thumbs traced shapes into your hips and he agreed eagerly by pulling you down into a kiss.
#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x reader#gn reader#no use of y/n#criminal minds x reader#spencer reid#spencer reid angst#x reader#hurt/comfort#bau reader#spencer reid x bau!reader
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hi beam! HEHE THANK YOU!
ateez wore corruption like a crown until they became an official organisation 'the crescents' and were like damn. we gotta pretend to be nice ppl. (real story) (also omg the ss i found a typo and immediately went to fix hehe thank you for your service)
wendy is the rv spy she's always gonna be sus as hell 😭
omg yes dysfunctional families do be like that but this one is gonna prove that the line is sometimes not drawn at their own flesh and blood (when you find out you're gonna lose it i bet it's not what you're thinking there's no way it can be foreshadowed huehueh)
omg i'm kihyun and your mom then bc whenever someone pulls the curtains open i absolutely lose it (as someone who has photophobia-- the medical kind-- and the achoo syndrome both LOL 😭😭 we allergic to light)
YES YES you will hear about black shadow's history soon! *makes a note about adding black shadow's history in the next chapters* (i love how feedback sometimes points out things we may have missed bless you for reminding me that i missed black shadow lore)
NO BUT HEAR ME OUT AHAHAHA i intended to make this a typical oo mafia men don't cry. mafia men don't laugh. mafia men scary. fic but my crack comes out so much that by the time the boys warm up they'll be very... ateez lmao. the ateez that we know. so yes, lieut. jeong is a golden retriever in this one too kdjfhgjdf 😭
maknaes are coming soon, don't you worry! their dynamics are so fun and complete opposites of hyung line lmao
WHEN DOES MY BIAS NOT SHOW if i write a yunho fic where i don't appreciate his hands das not me. that's an impostor.
YES YES BORROW THIS LINE BY ALL MEANS HEHE
yep, hj and luna def know each other! but not from during the war, there's sth else hehe you'll find out in next chapter!
yep! seonghwa is very observant but so is our mc, her background being the reason! she's very very observant and i love writing her so much dfjkghkjdf and political intrigue only heightens the more you read! (until it will come crashing down hoho)
certified yummy now i'm borrowing this one
yep! san and yeosang both have always been more casual than the rest of the hyungs, bc there's only so much formality when you work in the bar! san and yeosang are going to be mc's designated gossip buddies hehe
yeah like joong is an asshole but with reason. bc from his perspective, this random girlie is making big ass claims. he's gotta show her who's the boss. but he's also not a fool which is why he's gonna be running background checks from every direction lmao
thank you so much for your review, i love you for this 😭😭 i'm so excited for you to read more and can't wait to hear your thoughts in the upcoming chapters! hope you're doing good <33
The Leaders | Chapter II
"this is the underworld that no one escapes from."
masterlist
ot8!ateez x f!reader, mafia au
chapter warnings: drinking, smoking, illegal businesses, mentions of gangs, war/military and weapons, hongjoong is the designated asshole in this chapter
chapter wc: 10.9k
chapter synopsis: you learn more about ateez from your housemate, wendy, and from kihyun of mx pharmaceuticals who is also the crescent’s business partner. you get familiar with your new job at the crescent company’s main office and learn about their deal with secretary park. wanting to stop them from that harmful deal, you finally speak up only for the boss, hongjoong, to remind you that you are just a bookkeeper.
prev chapter recap: an attack on the crescent bar prompts you, the bookkeeper of the crescent bar, to carry out yeosang’s order and flee with the contents of the safe. however, you have discovered a secret package which leads you to a confrontation with the underboss, park seonghwa, who has no choice but to kill you. to save yourself, you reveal that you possess some information about the elites that could be useful to them, and that you are willing to exchange this information for your life. that lands you a job at the crescent company’s main office and you have a rocky first day, getting to know the ins-and-outs of your new workplace and colleagues.
For the beginning of a new chapter of your life, which could take a very sinister turn, it sure was awfully sunny today, the pigeons on your window sill taking great joy in the way you would pause in the middle of getting ready and reconsider all your life choices so far. Their cheerful chirps were starting to annoy you and you couldn’t help but shoot deathly glares in their direction.
It was your first official work day as the bookkeeper in the main office of the Crescent Company, and you were done getting ready– as ready as you could be with your heart threatening to burst out of your chest. It didn’t help that when you exited your room, you immediately had your housemate’s attention who let out a dramatic whistle at the sight of you.
“Woah. That’s quite a formal outfit for the bar,” Wendy said, stopping in the middle of stirring the pot, the fragrant scent of rosemary and chicken broth filling your nostrils. “Also… why are you still home?”
You turned to the full-length mirror in the living room, inspecting your outfit for the day– a pleated navy blue skirt that reached mid-calves paired with a blue tweed jacket, your feet clad in ivory kitten heels. Just the right outfit to make good first impressions, yet it was a struggle to ignore the urge to go back to your closet and restart the lengthy process of choosing another outfit.
“Uh…” you took a deep breath while tucking the stray strands of your hair back in the half-tied hairdo, bracing yourself for her reaction. “I may have gotten a new job at the Crescent Company.”
The room fell awfully silent and you turned to Wendy, finding her deadpan staring at you.
Odd.
“Something wrong?” You frowned in confusion.
“The Crescent Company?” Wendy repeated and you nodded. It was strange, the soberness in her tone, when you were expecting enthusiastic theatrical reactions from her. “When?”
“Literally yesterday,” you turned your full attention to her, wondering if she was cross with you for not letting her know earlier. “I start working officially from today.”
“How did you get this job?” Wendy asked, finally doing something else other than assessing your form. She turned the stove off, setting the pot on the table where you joined her for breakfast.
“Well… one thing led to another. Some gang attacked the bar two nights ago and when I carried out my instructions– which were to get the contents of the safe and run– they decided… that I am good at my job and would do better in some other environment.”
“I heard about the attack, yes,” Wendy said, munching on a piece of bread. “But I thought it was a fight outside the bar, not an attack inside. Is that how you got these tiny scratches all over you?” You pursed your lips in answer and Wendy continued. “Are you sure this is the right job for you? Because let’s be real– we all know who Ateez is. You should be avoiding that gang– didn’t you want to lay low?”
Ateez. Known throughout all the eight sectors of Eden and its capital, the gang formed after the Battle of the Eight Hills and layed a vital role in the rebuilding of Eden afterwards. Really, you wondered if they had done so much for Eden, why were they feared and labelled as a criminal organisation?
“I am laying low,” you sipped the broth as you said, “It’s just an office job– paperwork.”
“I don’t know, Luna,” she said, clearly worried. “I’m not sure about this.”
“Do you know something you’re not telling me?” You asked but Wendy kept a straight face which meant there was something. “In fact… refresh my memory a little since I wasn’t here when Ateez was at the peak of their career, but who is Ateez? What do they really do?”
Wendy took a deep breath as if contemplating opening her pandora of secrets for you but then she checked her wristwatch to your utter disappointment. “Next time or else we’ll both be late. Just… stay safe, will you?”
“Oh, I will. I keep the gun in my purse, you know,” you smirked and Wendy finally relaxed, smiling back. “See you tonight if you aren’t snoring by that time– my shift ends at the strike of midnight.”
“Heavens, that’s late,” Wendy winced. “What are you doing up so early then? You should have slept some more.”
You should have, but you had a little stop to make before you clocked in at midday at your workplace– the stop being at the office of MX Pharmaceuticals located in the heart of Sector 1 with all the other businesses and offices. It was only the Crescent Office which was situated right outside that hotspot, and you were starting to think that it was a calculated move on their part. With their status, they could be situated in the slums and still be flourishing– the leaders of Sector 1.
It was a bit strange to walk the streets of your block and not allow your muscle memory to take you in the direction of the Crescent Bar. It felt alleviating, even, to not cross the old lady on the pavement selling crocheted goods to make a living. Somehow, she always made you feel guilty about having the privilege of connections. You could very well have been sitting there at the corner of the road instead of her, selling your paintings or embroideries if Kihyun hadn’t helped you land a job when you came back to Eden from Wonderland just a few years ago.
Because your father always made sure you would never be in the spotlight. There was a reason he basically shipped you to Wonderland– though you often wondered if that was justification enough. He claimed that you could study more if you wished to while you looked after your aunt but really… you knew that he wanted to get rid of you because you found out his dark, dirty secrets– things you were never supposed to find out. It was a shame he couldn’t kill his own daughter and bury those secrets along with her. Maybe his humanity awakened when he thought about his children.
You could spot the MX Office when you took a turn left into the busy, bustling street with corporate slaves ready to sign in for their daily dose of torture. To your demise, you were blending right in. You walked towards the office, which was a brick-coloured building just like the rest of the offices in this street. The guard at the front door recognised you and nodded in greeting, as did the receptionist and a few employees, aware that you had some sort of a relationship with their boss, though no one dared to ask the nature of it.
The boss, Kihyun, was a respectable figure in all of Eden as a powerful businessman and a former gang member. Each connection he made was for a reason, but you were not just a connection. You respected each other far too much to refer to each other as just a ‘connection’.
You were being accompanied to Kihyun’s room when on the stairs, you encountered Hyungwon.
“Miss Jeon– what brings you here?” He asked. It had been a while since you saw the manager of MX Pharmaceuticals. He was usually found at one of the labs or warehouses that MX owned. “Good to see you.”
“Hope you’ve been well,” you smiled. “I’m here to see Kihyun.”
Hyungwon nodded at the assistant who left and you followed Hyungwon upstairs. “Kihyun just arrived. How has it been?”
“I’m doing good. I got a new job so I was going to tell him about that and discuss a few things.”
“Oh, that’s nice to hear,” Hyungwon knocked at Kihyun’s door before opening it for you. “I’ll send some tea. And you know that if you need anything, we’re here, right?”
You nodded, smiling earnestly at his reminder. “Thank you. Have a good day.”
You entered Kihyun’s room, closing the door behind you. His room was as neat as ever with a variety of indoor plants lining the huge windows that provided a view of Maddox Street. You walked past that window, drawing the cerulean curtains away and Kihyun tsk-ed at you.
“You’re back at it, eh?”
“You need someone who will pull the curtains open every day. I can’t keep doing that for you,” you grinned, joining him at his desk. He was clad in a navy button-down shirt, his hair combed back. “How have you been?”
He spread his arms in answer. “Right in front of you. As good as ever. But I’ve heard you are doing better lately.”
“Heard the news already?” You shook your head. “Once I find your informant, I’m gonna give them an earful.”
“We’re the Crescent’s business partners. I should know the happenings,” Kihyun said, waiting for the assistant to leave the tea for you before continuing. “Tell me… how did it happen?”
“Let’s say I passed a trust test,” you said, adding a sugar in your tea and two in his, just as he liked. “I’m the Crescent’s bookkeeper now.”
“That must not have been easy.”
“Actually, yes,” you took a sip of the black tea. “I almost got killed. I had to win their favour.”
“And how did you do that?” Kihyun frowned.
“I played a few cards,” you admitted and he groaned in disbelief. “It was that or I die.”
“They would not have killed you–”
“They knew we were acquainted, and they were ready to kill me,” you interjected. “I only told them that I’m aware of Assemblyman General Wi’s artefact gallery.”
“Luna,” Kihyun leaned forward, clasping his hands. “You know the game you are playing right now is a dangerous one–”
“I know that I have to keep my identity hidden, and I’m sure they only know what’s on the documents–”
“Let me finish,” Kihyun said in a low voice and you slumped back. “It’s not just about your identity. You know who they are, don’t you? Ateez? They were once a gang, and they always play dirty.”
“So were you, Kihyun,” you reminded him. “Back in your early days, before my father took you under his wing.”
Kihyun clenched his jaw– he did not need to be reminded of his ugly past. “We were not children of war when we were a gang, Luna. The Crescents– Ateez– they are children of war. They served the army when they should have been fooling around with other kids their age or studying. A nineteen year old Kim Hongjoong became a well-known military strategist in the Battle of the Eight Hills. Another nineteen year old Park Seonghwa became a sniper and a medic– a god awful combination, don’t you think? And an eighteen year old Jeong Yunho became an honoured lieutenant colonel, for heaven’s sake. Those are the people you have involved yourself with.”
That was the first time you heard about their achievements during the war and you realised with a creeping dread that Kihyun might be right about this.
“Us? We were just a street gang, Luna. We were kids who rebelled, who got lucky because your father, a politician, saw potential in us and hired us as his informants. Ateez are different, and it would do you better if you stay aware of them.”
You took a deep breath. “Do you think they will dig into my past?”
“I can’t promise they won’t,” Kihyun relaxed, finally smiling and drinking his tea. “But I’ll see if I can do something. Just make sure to stay in the shadows.”
“Until it’s time,” you reminded him.
His expressions didn’t change. “Still conjuring up revenge plans?”
“You know how stubborn I am,” you traced the gold outline on the cup. “I cannot forgive my father for taking my identity and shipping me to Wonderland as if I meant nothing to him.”
“I’m sure you mean something to him. You are his daughter, after all.”
“I’m sure I don’t, and I don’t need him,” you said, looking at the boss of MX. “You are my family if I ever had one, Kihyun. I am in your debt for everything that you have done for me.”
“Nonsense,” he waved his hand and you stifled a smile at the way he always got a little shy when you called him family or brother. “You don’t owe me anything. I would have done that for anyone.”
“You risked your business and your life for me. You don’t do that for just anyone,” you concluded and he smiled in answer. It was a truth that he could not deny. “You can call it whatever you want, but let me feel about it however I want too.”
“I can see how you might have talked them out of killing you, you stubborn brat,” Kihyun said, laughing. He stared into the distance, taking a few moments to think. “I heard you will be answering to Park Seonghwa and Jeong Yunho. That worries me.”
“It is just work,” you told him, though you were wholly aware that it was not just work. “You don’t need to worry too much.”
After a busy midday shift at the Crescent Office with Eunha and Jihoon, you decided to pay a visit to the Crescent Bar– you were free for the rest of the afternoon and could squeeze in a lunch with your friends. Plus, you were not sure that you could do the night shift without some liquid courage in your system.
The bar was as lively as it could be during day hours, with people popping in from work to get a drink or a meal. The employees– your old coworkers– warmly welcomed you and you went to sit at the counter with Eunbi and Jeonghan, just like the old times.
“How has it been without me?” You teased Eunbi who wrapped her arms loosely around your waist, snuggling beside you.
“Boring. Jeonghan is always pretending to sleep so I can’t really talk to anyone anymore.”
“I am actually asleep,” Jeonghan raised his hand as a sign that he was alive. He looked like a corpse, actually, if you could put it nicely. Eunbi gave you a pointed look.
“Got a new bookkeeper yet?”
“Not yet,” she said, going back to the cash register when she saw a customer approach. You walked to the staff room, catching up with Yuju who ordered your favourite grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch with Black Shadow– probably the best wine you had tasted in your life, if you were objective. You knew there was a backstory to how Ateez made that wine their staple, but you figured you would hear about it someday later. For now, you had another purpose that led you to Yeosang’s office.
Yeosang opened the door when you knocked, blinking in surprise. “Aren’t you supposed to be at the main office?”
“Good evening? How have you been doing? How has work been?” You glared at him. “I’m good, thank you for asking.”
Yeosang snickered, letting you in and you took the seat in front of him. You sighed deeply, folding your arms. “I kind of miss this, I won’t lie. I feel like an outsider there, and it’s only my first day. Shift doesn’t start for another hour, by the way.”
“Would you like a drink?” He offered and you shook your head, telling him you just had lunch. “Well, Miss y/n. How can I help you today?”
You passed him the side-eye. “It’s still Luna for you. And I wanted to ask you a few things that I really should have asked before.”
“Ah… is it time for those questions?” Yeosang relaxed back, resting his hands behind his head, his muscles poking out from under the ivory dress shirt. You watched him for a moment, wondering what his accomplishments during the war were. Could he be holding a scary title as well, or was it something worse?
“Yes. You can’t blame me for being curious after the stunt the underboss pulled that night. True to your name, Ateez.”
It was the first time you ever referred to them with their gang name and he only watched you in silence, waiting for you to continue. It irked you that his expressions gave away nothing. Trained to give away nothing, a distant voice in your mind said.
“Just tell me if there’s anything I need to know for now. I’m reporting directly to Mr. Park and… Mr. Jeong. I really don’t want to make a mistake.”
“You weren’t worried when you started working under me.”
“That’s because… you are you,” you tried to explain, ignoring the faint ache in your heart. “You don’t go around wearing formal suits and looking down on people and being… weird.”
“We don’t look down on people,” Yeosang sighed, though he was smiling at your admission. “Was Yunho weird towards you? What did he do now?”
“How did you– he didn’t do anything,” you told him. It was uncanny how well they knew each other. “I just want you to tell me if there’s something I should be aware of so I don’t make a mistake.”
Yeosang thought it was strange that you were asking such a question. He wished he could ask you what exactly you meant. Just what mistakes were you so afraid to make? Why did you always have to be cautious and walk on eggshells, even around him, even when you claimed that you were comfortable with him?
“I don’t think that you realise that Yunho is the only one of us who will forgive you even if you betray us in the worst possible way– he would still try to understand your reasons.”
Your eyes went a little wide as you let his words sink in. “Lieutenant Colonel Jeong Yunho… is forgiving?”
“I don’t know what you’ve heard about us,” Yeosang leaned forward, speaking gently. “But I can promise you that it’s not the entire truth. We are more than what you people make us to be, if you care to look past the ranks and titles.”
You didn’t understand what he meant by that, and you were too scared to ask. You couldn’t stop thinking about his admission about Yunho. You really couldn’t see it– he always looked so strict, in the traditional sense. Even when he had a hint of a smile on his lips last night, you couldn’t envision him to be someone who could sympathise with the ugliness of the people who were driven into the corner. Perhaps, because Yeosang was his friend, he was able to look past everything and see the lieutenant’s true, unmarred nature, but to you…
To you, he was Lieutenant Colonel Jeong Yunho. And you intended to keep it that way, for everyone’s sake.
Later, when you were at work and taking a breather, having just finished recording the day’s transactions, you reminded yourself that your relationship with Yeosang had turned too casual. Sure, it was the way he was with everyone at the bar– almost everyone. It was different with you, whether you liked it or not. Even though you had wanted to keep a distance from Yeosang, you just couldn’t. After all, you went to him right after hearing about their old gang days.
You made a mental note to learn more about Ateez and the Crescent Company, and to learn about the extent of their involvement in Eden’s business world. You needed any information you could get your hands on, every detail whether true or not. If you were going to play this game and use them for your goal, you needed to know that the Crescents were not involved with your father and his business in any way.
You needed to know if what they did was truly moral and right. And if you needed to sneak into places where you weren’t meant to go and possibly risk your life again… you would.
It took you about a week to fully get the hang of things at the office. While Jihoon was still being an arse– at this point, you were starting to consider that it might be a part of his personality– he never refused to guide you or help you when you were stuck. Eunha was just as helpful and you were actually starting to like her a little. She wasn’t very talkative but considering that she was able to make Jihoon laugh… you were tempted to take pointers from her. Jihoon had worked the longest here and you needed to crack him to get him to talk.
In that one week, you got a chance to go into Mr. Jeong’s room twice, when he was not present to take the report from you himself. You made it quick– unlock the room, unlock the cupboard and place the report inside, look around if you had a few seconds and get the hell out. It was too soon to make a mistake so you only dared to make note of what the office looked like. There wasn’t much to it anyway– just the usual workspace, and it frustrated you that his workspace gave away nothing about him.
Mr. Jeong, you noted, usually came to the office during your shift at the late hours of night, presumably after dinner. You learned that Kim Hongjoong was out of station for some business dealing which was why the office was mostly empty, but also that this was where they usually gathered to meet up and discuss things. This office was sort of a base and if not here, they would be at the bar, though they generally avoided it because of obvious reasons. There was no saying when a drunkard fool, or two, would dare to interrupt them.
Yunho usually locked himself inside his office (Eunha was very suspicious that he usually napped there, claiming to have heard light snores sometimes) and Seonghwa came by twice that week, greeting you and asking if you were adjusting well. Neither of them had interacted with you much during the week but…
You recalled two nights ago when Yunho came back to the office just as it was closing time. You handed him the report and he called you inside his office to discuss a few things. When he was going over the report, he asked you if you had any problems with work recently.
“None at all,” you assured him. “It is manageable.”
He flicked through the pages, the white sleeves of his shirt rolled up over his sleeves, baring his veiny arms. You resisted the urge to trace all those veins on his arms– Jeong Yunho was one handsome man. It didn’t help that he had such beautiful hands either. Why were you assigned to submit him the reports every night? What was this new form of torture?
He caught you staring at his hands but he didn’t comment on it. Instead, he finished checking the report and shut the folder, running his hands over the cover once before clearing his throat to get your attention. You met his stare, pretending that you had not been ogling at his hands and arms– or at least, fake confidence that you were normal about it.
“You were right about the artefact gallery,” Yunho said and you straightened. “It is indeed a money-laundering business. He is an assemblyman, a potential presidential candidate and, well, that’s a bad look for him with the elections right around the corner. How did you know when even his enemies aren’t aware of this information? And more importantly… do you want us to do something about it?”
“How I know does not matter,” you shook your head, adamant to not tell them your source. “It is just a piece of information that might be useful to you later. I am aware that your leader has been well involved with politicians– for connections, to secure deals. If you ever need leverage over General Wi, here is what you can use.”
Yunho took a deep breath at your response. You watched him scan you slowly, his eyes unreadable. “Is your source Yoo Kihyun of MX Pharmaceuticals?”
You looked down to hide your smile. “I have heard that you are well acquainted with him. He was more of a recipient than a source until a few years ago. The tables have turned now, but we still share information, and I was told that you could be trusted with the information I have. Is that still true?”
He rubbed his chin in thought. “That depends on how useful the information you possess is. And it also depends on how loyal you are.”
“I am loyal to anyone who is loyal to me,” you said with a certainty that surprised him. “I know what it is like to be betrayed by blood and water both. To me, loyalty is the highest virtue.”
“Higher than morality?” He asked with a certain nonchalance, perhaps expecting to pin you in a corner, but…
“And what is morality, in this era?” You mused. “I’m sure you ask that question yourself often… Lieutenant Jeong.”
You seemed to have hit the nail because his gaze darkened. Perhaps, you should not have reminded him of his military rank, but to be Eden’s honoured lieutenant colonel and possess some fair morals? It didn’t add up even after Yeosang had said all the good things about him.
“I know what my morals are, Miss Jeon,” Yunho leaned forwards, locking his eyes with you and you wish some of his dark tendrils hid a bit of his eyes because that gaze was damning. “Do you? Or do you like to make yourself believe that you are the only virtuous one in the room?”
Maybe it was a dangerous game you were playing but you mirrored his position, your clasped hands almost brushing his as you said, “Oh, I have the lowest moral standards. In order to survive in Eden, especially when you’re on your own… you can’t go around possessing such foolish things as virtue, isn’t that so?”
Yunho looked down at your clasped hands, spotting the fading scar that ran along your thumb down to your wrist– one that you had gotten the night you lost everything.
And then he ran a finger across it, ever so slowly, sending a trail of fire in its wake before getting up and wearing his coat, indicating that the meeting was over.
Damn him. Damn him and his stupid, beautiful hands–
“Goodnight, Luna,” he said in a low voice and you got up as well, gathering your wits before exiting the room.
“Goodnight… Mr. Jeong.”
And that had been the last time you saw him. It was Mr. Park who took the reports from you the day after, and last night you locked the office yourself about half an hour after midnight– you did not know why you stayed waiting for somebody to show up, but you felt a bit stupid afterwards. You should have clocked out on time.
You did not know why you waited.
You were so lost in your thoughts that you almost did not hear the sound of footsteps skittering in the direction of the office rooms. You looked up, gaping at what had to be a fifteen year old considering his scrawny appearance, moving not towards Yunho’s office but Kim Hongjoong’s. You frowned– how did he get past the guard?
“Oi,” you called but when he proceeded to knock at the boss’ door, you decided you had enough and slammed a hand on the desk to get his attention. “Oi, kid!”
“Is the Captain not inside?” he turned to look at you, looking as surprised to see you as you were. “Who are you?”
“Who are you?” you beckoned him to come nearer and he obeyed this time. “How did you get in?”
“I have something the Captain might like,” he grinned. “Still not back from his little trip to Edenary?”
So that’s where he was. The Capital of Eden, the land of the elites. “Uh… nope. Why you calling him ‘the Captain’?”
“Because that’s who he is?” He shook his head in disapproval. “New here?”
You scoffed in disbelief. “Kid, if you don’t tell me who you are, I’m going to have to escort you out.”
“No need, I’ll see myself out,” he winked at you and you laughed this time. You had to admit he was kind of cute for a kid even though you wanted to smack him on his head. You didn’t recall seeing him on the streets– his loose flannel shirt and newsboy cap was a look you thought you would have remembered. “I’m Jaemin, the informant. I answer directly to the Captain, so don’t even think about asking me what this was about.”
“You could still tell me, it could be our little secret,” you smirked but he shook his head. You stuck your tongue out at him. “Alright then. He’s supposed to come back tomorrow, I think. Should I let him know some kid was looking for him?”
Jaemin narrowed his eyes. “You haven’t met him yet, have you?”
“No,” you said. “Why?”
Jaemin only smiled condescendingly in answer. “You’ll find out. No need to tell him, I’ll be back soon.”
With that, the kid disappeared downstairs, leaving you wondering why he called the boss ‘the Captain’. It didn’t refer to his military rank because you knew that he was an honoured military strategist and colonel. You recently heard from Wendy that he had played a vital role towards the end of the war before the treaty between Eden and Halaland was signed. At such a young age, it was impressive. He was only a year older than you so he must have been about twenty when he earned that honour.
You distantly wondered if you ever came across him during the war. You had volunteered as a medical assistant– almost a nurse– in the latter half of the war. You had spent two whole years training medically and assisting the doctors and nurses. There weren’t many people in Eden so you might have encountered one of the Ateez men there, though you weren’t sure if you would recognise each other now.
Moments later, you heard another pair of footsteps coming, this time familiar. Mr. Park, dressed in his usual black three-piece suit, met your gaze and sent a warm smile in your direction before he approached you.
“How are we doing tonight, Luna?”
“Good, Mr. Park. How about you?” You asked, taking tonight’s report and following him to Yunho’s office. “Did you perhaps see a kid leaving the building?”
Seonghwa chuckled at that. “You might find it hard to believe but that kid has saved lives with the information he shares.”
So the kid had not lied. “Impressive.”
Seonghwa waited until you took the seat in front of him. “He is like a stray cat who has marked us as his owners. We cannot take him in– he is too young, and he does not need to share the same fate the rest of us did, yeah? But he is a kid that nobody notices, and he uses that to his advantage. Next time you see him, ask him how he struck a deal with his ‘captain’.”
You laughed softly at that. “I will.”
Seonghwa nodded and started skimming through the reports. You told him that the new batch of liquor– specifically Black Shadow– had successfully been shipped to Mist Island. The shipment of their latest copper bullets was on the way too. You were surprised when you first found out that Mist Island was willing to trade weapons for liquor. Mist Island had a strict liquor import ban so the smuggling was being done secretly from both sides. It was impressive what money could buy.
Silence, Jihoon had told you one day when he was in a good mood. Silence of the police force.
You still hadn’t figured out what exactly they were doing with the weapons– you were aware that a lot of their money was being used in their business partnership with Pledis Manufacturers who were producers of machine parts. Your best guess was that they were involved in the weapons business and doing something undercover. You couldn’t question anyone about that yet. It was too soon.
“Good job, tonight,” Seonghwa said his usual words but this time, he did not dismiss you. Instead, he rested his back on the chair to look at you. “There are a few questions about your background that I must ask you before our boss arrives tomorrow, Luna. I’m hoping you will cooperate.”
There it was. They must have been done with the background check now. You wondered how much they found. “As best as I can while protecting myself, I will.”
Seonghwa smiled at that. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. Neither is it that I trust you already– Yeosang did, but that was different. You are now involved in the heart of the business that the Crescent Company does, so I have to make sure you’re suitable for this job, right?”
You were glad it was Mr. Park who was asking you these questions right now. Something about his presence was utterly calming and you could relax a little while talking to him. If you were objective, you could say that perhaps, it was his strategy to get you to lower your guard. But still… he was always soft spoken and kind. That did not change.
“I understand, Mr. Park,” you assured him.
“I could not find the records of your family… Miss Jeon,” he emphasised at your surname and you nodded. “You’re not a Jeon, are you?”
“It is a surname I borrowed around the time of the war, but I can assure you that I am from Eden. I was born here and have lived here all my life, at the Sector 1 border… save for a few years that I was not here.” Almost the truth. You had lived in Edenary, at the outskirts that met with Sector 1.
“And where were you? Where did you go in 1963?”
You exhaled. “Wonderland, to look after my sick aunt and get some further education.”
“Where, in Wonderland? Can I confirm that?” Seonghwa asked.
“The capital, Wonder City” you told him. “I’m not related to that aunt. She’s just an acquaintance who was willing to take me in. I looked after her and she gave me the financial help I needed.”
“Financial help,” Seonghwa repeated, glancing at your pearl ring that you always wore. He had an eye for things, and he knew that the pearl could not be in the hands of someone who was struggling financially. You could not have worn it so proudly if you had stolen it, so was it a family ring? A normal middle-class family could not afford such a pearl.
Just who were you?
“Yes,” you confirmed, willing him to trust you. “I might be wearing a pearl from Maddox & Co., Mr. Park, but that does not mean that I was showered in luxuries all my life. You must have found out that I was desperate for a job when I came back in 1966.”
Seonghwa nodded, swiping his hair back and exhaling. “Alright, I’ll let it be for now. You only need to tell us if you are related in any way to our rival gangs or the Sirens Rebel Party.”
“I am not your enemy,” you confirmed. “I cannot be acquainted with Yoo KIhyun and be in cahoots with any of your enemies. You have the same rivals.”
“Today’s friend is tomorrow’s rival,” Seonghwa mused. “Today’s enemy might be tomorrow’s lifesaver.”
“Then it is up to you, whatever you want me to be,” you smirked. “Rival or friend.”
Seonghwa nodded in thought, a bit amused, proceeding to pour you both some wine. While he downed it in one gulp, you sipped on it slowly, anticipating his next move.
“Do you perhaps have another tip for us?” Seonghwa raised a brow, amused.
“I might have, regarding your latest dealings with General Wi, but I will wait until both sides are clear.”
“Good,” Seonghwa shut the folder in conclusion. “I will take the leap of trust in you, Luna. Maybe you can do the same for us?”
“For you… yes, I can,” you told him. “I have one favour to ask, though.”
“Another one, already?” Seonghwa teased.
“You have a meeting scheduled with Secretary Park Byung Eun on the 14th, right?” You asked, the name leaving the most bitter taste in your mouth.
“President Lee’s secretary, yes,” Seonghwa nodded. “Do you know him?”
“Everyone knows him,” you said. While he was the President's current secretary, his name was well-known before that as one of the most successful businessmen in Eden. “You must be meeting because of a potential pharma-collaboration?”
“That’s right,” Seonghwa frowned, anticipating what was next.
You took a deep breath. “Do not reveal all your cards to that man. Do not let them know what you are up to.”
“Is that your way of telling us to be careful?” Seonghwa snorted. “We never show all our cards in the first meeting, Luna.”
“Neither do they,” you warned him and his smile fell. “Secretary Park’s team has a penchant for tricking you into deals. I’m just asking you to think this deal through. Whatever they are offering you won’t be very beneficial in the long run.”
“And how do you know that?”
“That doesn’t matter,” you told him. “If you need sources, or funds, you don’t need to rely on the Secretary Park.”
“You don’t know what business we conduct here, Luna–”
“I don’t need to know to warn you,” you insisted, feeling that tight knot of frustration build up in the back of your throat now. “I’m only asking you to think this through and take my words into consideration.”
“Your words, Miss Jeon, lack credibility right now,” he stated in a finalising tone, a pang of hurt shooting through your chest for a moment. He was right, though. They had no reason to trust you and to them, you must be seeming like someone who was looking to jeopardise their deal. “If you really want us to take you seriously, you would have to start giving us more.”
“I cannot give you more if I don’t know what you will do with the information,” you told him, sighing deeply. “Forget it, just… can you please let me know what you will be gaining and what you will be losing after your meeting with Secretary Park?”
“You’re assuming we will lose something,” Seonghwa noted. You didn’t answer and Seonghwa scanned your face, almost detecting fear in your eyes. Just what were you so scared of? “Is there any way you can trust me and tell me what this is about?”
“Not so soon, no, sorry,” you smiled sadly. You wanted to trust that man, you wanted to trust someone, anyone. “I don’t know what I’m waiting for, if I have to be honest. I’m probably asking too much considering that I am a mere bookkeeper.”
“We may have ranks here but we’re all equal, in the end,” Seonghwa said and his words tugged at your heart. There was rarely anyone who didn’t bring rank into everything. “I know you have no reasons to trust us either. Let’s work through our differences first before we make such demands, alright?”
You smiled at him and got up to leave. He followed, locking the doors and you both exited the building together. You shivered when the chilly night wind hit you.
“The weather is getting colder. Bring a jacket or a scarf next time, will you?” Seonghwa said and you nodded. “Goodnight, Luna. I hope we are able to overcome all that is keeping us from mutual trust.”
“Goodnight, Mr. Park. Thank you for taking my words into consideration.”
He nodded, patting your back affectionately before you separated ways. That night, when you went home, you found Wendy getting ready to go to sleep. You didn’t get much of a chance to talk to her the whole week, considering your conflicting schedules, but you needed some answers right now so you sat at her bedside and she groaned in defeat.
“You need to tell me every detail, every rumour you’ve heard or any information you have on Ateez and what they do. Now.”
It was quite the busy day at the Crescent Office today.
During the midday slot, you were packed with the new reports you had to make regarding the recent trade dealings with Mist Island, and you also needed to compile a transaction history before the Crescents were going to finalise their new deal with Utopia– both dealings happening undercover. You realised just how much work this job was– you had to create a pretty seamless legal report that was going to be used officially and make it seem like all their money was being circulated in their manufacturing business or the liquor business.
Seonghwa and San arrived when your shift was about to end. San waved at you, promising to catch up later and Eunha looked at you with a scandalous smile.
“Do you know the Choi San?”
“I literally worked at the Crescent Bar, Eunha,” you laughed. “I had to work with him.”
“He’s never waved at me like that. I’ve been here for a decade,” Eunha pouted.
“Maybe you need to work as a cashier at the Crescent Bar in order to earn that privilege,” you told her, though you felt a bit pleased to hear that San had formal relations with the staff here.
Why were you pleased to hear that? You wondered but not long enough to make sense of it, soon getting caught up in more work.
You went home after your midday shift, hoping to get some rest before your night shift because you knew it was going to be packed. You had no idea when the boss was supposed to come to office but you just hoped you would go unnoticed today– you had far too many thoughts that needed some sorting from everything Wendy told you last night– another reason you wanted to get some rest because her words kept you awake for the most part of the night.
You made sure to dress properly today though, in any case. The weather was starting to get a bit chilly– summers were usually chilly in Eden. You wore a grey plaid suit that you kept for days like these, when you needed to make a good impression. You had fond memories with the two-piece– it was the first gift Wendy got you and it was more than she should have done, but she insisted she earned enough to buy gifts like these for the few friends she had. That made you wonder why she lived in a lousy shared apartment. You knew that her actual residence was in Sector 8 and she sometimes joked about how she lived here because it was ‘convenient’.
You wore white net gloves over your hands before going out, donning a matching grey hat. Eunha noted the new additions to your outfit and whistled as she shut her registers, groaning in satisfaction when she stretched her back.
“You did right with the gloves, but it’s a shame the boss isn’t here to appreciate them.”
“Eunha,” you glared at her and she giggled. She had warmed up to you– a bit too much, if you had to say, because she made jokes and teasing remarks like these often now that she was comfortable with you. You took off the gloves and spread them on your desk, grinning at her.
“I think they look pretty good from here too.”
You both shared a grin at that and Eunha wore her overcoat, saluting mockingly before leaving. Just before she was about to go downstairs, she turned in your direction, her doe eyes gleaming. “Luna!”
“What now?”
“If you see the boss… don’t take his words to heart,” she said. “He may sound like a complete arse but he cares for all of us.”
“It can’t be any worse than Jihoon, can it?” You joked.
Eunha was right, though. At around 10 pm, you finally heard a few sets of footsteps ascend up the stairs and you took a deep breath, fixing your gaze on the stairs. To get to his office, the boss would have to walk past you so you fixed your half tied hair and arranged your desk a bit. Yunho’s head was the first to pop up, followed by an unfamiliar man and Seonghwa. They went inside Yunho’s room first, absorbed in heated discussion and you took a deep breath.
It was clear as day who Kim Hongjoong was. If it was not his appearance that betrayed him– dressed in a luxurious three-piece suit with the chain of a golden pocket watch visible, dark brown curls falling stylishly over his forehead– it was his unmistakable aura, the way he carried himself and his confidence. You felt it even if what you got was only a glimpse.
A few minutes later, the trio popped out of Yunho’s room to go into Hongjoong’s room. You continued scribbling this time. You were going to remain in the shadows and go unnoticed–
“Get me the tax files,” the boss said. “I will personally make sure everything is seamless because I cannot have anyone messing it up– ah. Who is this again?”
Seonghwa cleared his throat. “Miss Jeon y/n. The bookkeeper– I thought Yunho told you already?”
Yunho looked guiltily at Seonghwa and you stood up in greeting, meeting the boss’s sharp eyes and internally gasping because oh, good heavens. He was inexplicably gorgeous–
“Good evening, Mr. Kim. If you need the tax files, I can get them for you.”
Hongjoong’s eyes betrayed him for just a second as he scanned your form, finding something oddly familiar about you. But his steel expressions returned and he shrugged lightly. “Yeah, well. I’ll have Yunho deal with that. You can get back to work.”
With that, he went towards his office and only waited a moment for the others to follow before he shut the door.
What a snob, you thought. His new bookkeeper and he didn’t even acknowledge you. Had Seonghwa and Yunho really not told him about you, or was he above these meagre details? You were aware that you would have to work with the boss now that he was back, but… how?
Later, you found yourself at the Crescent Bar instead of your room. Perhaps, here you could get something that would make the bitter aftertaste in your mouth after tonight’s shift seem like nothing. Eunbi’s shift was over so you just found an empty spot in the corner and instructed one of your old colleagues to get you some Black Shadow and to make sure no one would bother you. He gave you a thumbs-up and a few minutes later, you were sipping at the rich drink while recalling the events of today.
Kim Hongjoong. Ateez’s boss, the brains behind the entity of the Crescent Company. A force to be reckoned with. A trickster, a manipulator, a true businessman, you had heard a while ago from the mouth of the elites who came here to drink. A man of his principles, Wendy had told you last night. He was rigid with his principles and that was what got him so far. You supposed he had to be all of that in order to survive after coming back from the war.
Wendy said she wasn’t worried that you were working with him– at some point in this small sector, everyone had or would encounter him at least once in his life, directly or indirectly. However, she was worried that you would catch his eye, because according to her, you did not want to be involved with him personally in any way. He was a calculating and ruthless businessman with an ambition, and according to Wendy, that was something you were better off staying away from.
You considered everything you knew about the Crescent Company now that it had been a week working with them. They had partnered with Pledis Manufacturers to produce machine parts but you now knew that it was an undercover business for their weapons assembling. They had recently signed a new deal with Utopia to export these weapons in exchange for the Utopian wine– Black Shadow– which was a trademark of the Crescent Bar.
And it was Mist Island that provided the Crescents with the bullets and some metal for weapons production in exchange for Eden wine. It truly was a well-thought out business.
But that could not be all. You still did not know what the small packet– the powdery thing that got you here– was. Was it just a drug they used for pleasure purposes? You had never seen them in such a state, nor did the Crescent Bar tolerate druggies, though deals happened there, just like at any other bar. Nobody seemed to talk about it, there was no record of such an object being traded or produced– so what was it? Why had they almost killed you when they learned that you saw it?
And if it was a drug, why did they need to make a business deal with Secretary Park Byung Eun and have him fund MX Pharmaceuticals, of which they owned shares of? Kihyun knew that Secretary Park was not a man you should involve yourself with, so was he not aware of this new venture or was he turning a blind eye to it because they needed Secretary Park? Why would they need him of all the people in this world?
“If you glare at your glass any longer, it will shatter,” a familiar voice said and you looked up, mouth parting in surprise.
“San!” You got up, straightening your clothes. “What are you doing here?”
“Uh, I literally own this bar?” San chuckled, noticing the almost empty bottle.
“I mean, here here,” you pointed at your table. “I was just… drinking, as you can already see.”
“Long day?”
“Kind of,” you nodded.
“Can I join you then? I’ve had a long day too.”
“Sure,” you said and he settled down in front of you, tossing his jacket on the other chair, now in a half sleeve black shirt. You poured the drink for him and he swirled it a few times before downing it in one gulp. You filled his glass again and motioned one of the waiters to get you a new one.
It felt a little strange to have him seated like this in front of you. Sure, you had shared drinks countless times, but that was when you worked here and were serving him. There was also a shift in your interactions ever since that fateful night at the bar– somehow, that had turned your conversations more casual. He caught you staring at him but he didn’t comment on it.
“I’m assuming you met Hongjoong?” San asked and you exhaled, making him snicker. “What?”
“He’s… definitely the boss,” you laughed shortly. “He scanned me once and was like, okay, time to move on.”
“That’s him,” San laughed. “But that little scan he does means that he has memorised who you are and won’t forget. He’s got quite the memory.”
“I would expect nothing less, but San,” you sighed. “I miss being here. Even though I acted all professional here for the sake of formalities, it wasn’t ever suffocating being here.”
San frowned at your admission. “Do you not like where you are now?”
“It’s not that,” you shook your head. “I like the new job. It’s testing my capabilities, and I like challenges. It’s just that… you aren’t there. Yeosang isn’t there. You both are Crescents too. You both are also Ateez, so… how are you two so different from the rest?”
A smile creeped up on San’s lips and your heart did a little somersault– you hadn’t forgotten how handsome he was, but it had certainly been a while since you admired his charms. “Just say you miss us and move on, Luna.”
You laughed at that and San joined, the two of you chuckling for a few moments. “Yeah, I kind of miss being here and reporting all the gossip to you,” you said. “I miss working in silence with Yeosang too– don’t tell him I said that. It’ll get to his head.”
“I won’t,” he grinned. “Shall I tell you the gossip?”
“Oh, please, I’ve been starving,” you said.
About an hour passed over gossip and drinks, switching from wine to plain soda. San told you the latest happenings of the area– they had a little fight with Chan’s gang and had settled the matter about the attack on the Crescent Bar, making them pay for the damages. Yuju had gone to different bars to do a survey of what was trendy and come up with nothing, and you joked about how she was only good at doing what she knew– managing the staff, something she was an expert at. San said he would be sending Jeonghan and Mingyu next– perhaps, they would come up with a better report.
It was the first time you talked to San as a friend, and though you had always found it quite easy to talk to him, you liked that just like Yeosang, he didn’t make it feel like there was a distinction between you two. Perhaps, you wondered, it was because of the nature of your work- after all, you couldn’t be too formal in a place like a bar. Maybe if there was no Crescent Bar, you really would have found San intimidating and unapproachable, just like people claimed he was. You still couldn’t believe them– not when he had the softest gaze when he paid attention to you, not when his eyes curved into moons when he smiled or laughed, and certainly not when he whined like just another adult with problems.
When you checked the time on your wristwatch, you whistled– it was almost 2 in the morning. “Well. Time flies.”
“The night is still young, but we’ve both got to get up early, don’t we?”
“We sure do,” you nodded. “Well, this has been… a pleasure, San.”
“Likewise,” he propped his chin on his hand as he looked at you. “We should do this again.”
“Complaining about work?” You laughed. “Complaining about my bosses slash your friends?”
“Oh, so when you do it, it’s complaining, but when I do it, it’s whining? Noted,” San shook his head in disappointment and you grinned. “Can I tell you something, Luna?”
“Sure.”
“The hyungs– Yunho, Seonghwa and Hongjoong… they’re just like me and Yeosang. You just don’t know them yet.”
You looked at him for a moment. “I would have believed you if you had not included Seonghwa in that list.”
“Why?”
“You’re nothing like Seonghwa,” you joked. “He’s far too kind and refined.”
San’s loud laughter filled the room and you looked around, making sure no one was being disturbed. You leaned forward to tap his hand and make him stop laughing.
“I’m not lying, Luna,” San wiped his eyes. “Seonghwa… he may look refined but he can be very playful and childish when he wants to be. Yunho… well, once he warms up, you’ll know that he is the best kind of person you can have by your side.”
Somehow, his words wrapped around your heart like a promise. “You care about them a lot, huh?”
“I do,” he nodded. “They’re my friends, a part of my heart. I would do anything for them.”
“And… Hongjoong?”
“Hongjoong, well…” San smiled. “You find that out for yourself.”
“Not helping, San,” you folded your arms but he shook his head.
“All I can tell you is that if you’re lucky enough to break his walls… if he takes you under his wing, he won’t let anything hurt you. That’s the kind of person he is. He is the boss but he acts like a shield for us, and I wish I could do the same for him.”
You took note of his words. Did you trust San? A bit, yes. If he said all those things about Hongjoong, they must be true– at least according to his perception. But could you trust Hongjoong? Could you act as a shield for them so they could protect you in the future?
You made the decision before you slept that night.
During your night shift the next day, you waited for the office to get a bit emptier. When there was only Seonghwa and Hongjoong on the upper level, you took a leap of faith and knocked on the boss’s door. It was now or never, and you had to make your move.
“Come in,” Seonghwa’s voice sounded and you opened the door. Seonghwa was seated at the couch while Hongjoong was at the end of the room in his chair, scribbling on paper, not bothering to look at you.
“Can I talk to you for a moment?” You asked Seonghwa.
“Sure, have a seat,” he motioned to the couch in front of him and you did, sliding the report to him and glancing at Hongjoong once. “Is everything alright?”
“It is, but… I must warn you of something. You cannot proceed with the deal you’re making with Secretary Park Byung Eun.”
Seonghwa settled the pen he had been playing with on the table, taking a deep breath. “What is this really about?”
“Secretary Park is aiming to become the Minister of Health, isn’t that right? All of the ex-president’s team has either retired or left their posts, replaced by President Lee’s people,” you said. “Is that why you need Secretary Park? Because you have no other option?”
Seonghwa narrowed his eyes– how did you find out that he was aiming to become the next Minister of Health? It wasn’t publicly announced yet– he had yet to sign up as a candidate for that post.
“You must have one hell of a source,” Seonghwa looked amused, glancing at Hongjoong who was smoking a cigar and now looking at you with mild interest. You gathered your nerves before continuing.
“He is not a good candidate for the position, but that is not what matters right now. I would have gone to Kihyun but I decided to confirm with you first because I’m not sure if he’s aware of your plans, but… you must need Secretary Park to approve some drug in the future, right?”
Seonghwa’s brow rose ever so slightly and you jumped a little when Hongjoong slammed the pen that he had been holding on the table. He cocked his head as he glared at you.
“Miss Jeon,” he said in a warning tone. “If you don’t stop talking in circles right now and tell us what this is about, I’ll have to deal with you myself. You don’t want that.”
You gritted your teeth, unafraid for the first time in a while. “Do you want this business deal with Secretary Park to be legal? Just answer my question first, Mr. Kim.”
“That’s right,” Seonghwa answered for him.
“You should know that Secretary Park already has some business deals with Strictland officials going on,” you said in a low tone and the two looked at each other in surprise, clearly unaware. “You know how it will look for you if word comes out– Strictland is already an occupied state on the verge of military dictatorship. You can try to verify it for yourself if you want, but whatever deal Secretary Park has going on with Strictland… it’s not legal in any sense, neither is it moral.”
Seonghwa took a deep breath. “Our meeting with Secretary Park is scheduled for tomorrow.”
“And I thought you should be aware of this before the meeting,” you locked eyes with him, hoping he could see the desperation in them.
“Jeon y/n, was it?” Hongjoong called and you looked at him. He was squashing his cigar in the ashtray on his desk. You nodded and he finally smiled, though it looked almost devilish. “Why would you care to tell us this information?”
“You must have heard from your underboss,” you said. “I am willing to trade information with you in return for protection.”
“And power,” he pointed out the missing part. “You mentioned power.”
“I only desire power in order to survive in Eden,” you said.
“So why protection?” Hongjoong asked. “You can’t be a powerful figure in Eden and not have everyone targeting you.”
“Being a part of the Crescent Company is protection enough, I suppose,” you rested your hands on the soft material of your black pants, subtly wiping the sweat off.
“Protection from whom?” Hongjoong asked, his gaze set on you. You found it overwhelming almost to the point that you considered answering– he had a commanding presence.
“I… can’t say. Not yet,” you said and Seonghwa shook his head, having already known your answer. “I don’t expect you to tell me what the deal is about– after all, I’m only a bookkeeper. But I can give you better options– ex-president Mr. Son, for instance, or Assemblyman Kim Jooheon.”
“Assemblyman Kim is a nobody in the political scene if we are being objective,” Seonghwa said. “I don’t think he will have much to offer to us.”
“He will have something to offer to you if you give him something in return– maybe something that pulls him out of the shadows and into the spotlight of the political scene,” you said, recalling how the politicians in Edenary always thought Assemblyman Kim had the potential but lacked the resources.
“Why would Mr. Son ever associate himself with us?” Hongjoong got up from his seat, slowly walking towards you, hands in the pocket of his striped black suit. “We may be owners of a legal business company now, but everyone knows of our mafia ties and background.”
“You are an honoured military strategist who played a vital role to end the war, isn’t that true?”
Hongjoong chuckled at that, nodding slowly to confirm that and settling down next to Seonghwa. “Not everyone is aware of that, Miss Jeon. I don’t like people talking about it.”
“But Mr. Son was the president at that time, and he honoured you with a badge,” you kept his gaze. “I think he will agree that a person who did everything in their power to end the feud between two nations would not be making a deal that would harm his motherland and its people… don’t you agree?”
Hongjoong stared at you while considering your words. “You have a lot of audacity to come in here and make claims about a business you are not a part of, and people you don’t know enough about. Possessing such audacity is what almost cost you your life that night, and what is tempting me to retract the deal my partners made behind my back.”
And there it was. A stark reminder that you may have struck a deal with the queen, but you were still just a pawn in this game of chess where the king ruled. Weak and expendable– that’s what you were.
“Hongjoong,” Seonghwa began but Hongjoong raised his hand in the air to stop him from speaking further, his eyes still locked with yours. You didn’t feel shame nor fear in that moment– just regret that maybe you had trusted the wrong people.
“You are a bookkeeper, and you can remain so. Goodnight, Miss Jeon.”
You nodded slowly, letting his words sink in and then you got up, bowing in greeting. “Good night, Mr. Kim, Mr. Park. Thank you for hearing me out.”
With that, you left the room and Seonghwa looked at Hongjoong. “You did not have to put it like that. I know she got you.”
Hongjoong slumped down on the couch in front of Seonghwa, cracking his knuckles while he thought about his next move. “Is there any way we can verify the information about Secretary Park without anyone getting a whiff?”
“I don’t know,” Seonghwa admitted. “I’m wondering how she knows that– if that was the truth. If Secretary Park really has a business deal with Strictland officials… I don’t think even his wife would know about that. If anyone gets a whiff of that, it could cost him his position and cause President Lee significant harm too, since Park Byung Eun is his secretary. You know how Strictland is still a sensitive topic after the war.”
“Then how does she know?” Hongjoong looked at Seonghwa. “Is she a spy?”
“She can’t be,” Seonghwa shook his head. “Luna worked as the bookkeeper at Crescent Bar for two years–”
“Luna?”
“That’s what everyone calls her,” Seonghwa said, a hint of a smile on his lips.
“She could be a mole, then,” Hongjoong sighed. “But no. Even a mole could not possess this information. What do we do?”
“Kihyun was Secretary Park’s former business partner. I’ll ask Yunho to check with Kihyun and confirm if Secretary Park is the right man for this deal, but that means we will have to let Kihyun know that we are intending to make such a deal.”
“We were going to tell him anyway, let’s proceed with that plan. And Seonghwa?”
“Yeah?”
“Contact the RV spies and get any information you can on your little bookkeeper.”
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I wonder how much Splinter picks apart the memory of Donnie crawling to him and asking for guidance that day.
How apologetic he was for interrupting Splinter at all. The questions—are you mad at me, do you think I’m selfish—and how genuinely childish and young they were in nature. Whether Donnie would have told him what had happened if Splinter hadn’t interrupted him. How long it took before Donnie came to him for help. How when Splinter asked “Are you sure you have not upset them?” the answer was “Maybe, I think so.” “Have you done anything to make them angry with you?” and even with what his brothers had done to him, what Leo had done to him, Donnie still said “Probably.” Agreed when Splinter said they had a reason for treating him that way.
He had the same conversation with April months later, and yet the seeds of it had been here, too—had been there years before.
sometimes i am caught between feeling so bad for splinter and kind of hoping he internalizes the way he brushed him off for of the rest of his life. there's a good chance he will think of that conversation EVERY time donnie reaches out to him looking for a savior or protector, especially after april leaves and he's the only "safe person" in the house when donnie cant think straight.
in an attempt to be unlike of HIS oppressive family he went the opposite way and went for a more relaxed style of parenting, and he veered too hard in that direction and COMPLETELY turned a blind eye to such horrifying abuse happening. it kind of reminds me of like turtle dega nights where he's so shocked to realize the shit they just get up to. for like. fun. he's NOT in a position to shelter them without pushback and he understands that now, which is a big reason he leaves them to make their own decisions when it comes to kitsune.
its hard to find a line between acknowledging theyre independent in a way he cant really stop and need to be treated with that respect and acknowledging theyre children! just kids! his baby boys!!! he's so used to seeing them silly and unserious around him that he hasn't properly processed the weight of his passive neglect until all of THIS blew up in his face. and i think that's best shown through him dismissing donnie. they mostly fell out of conversation after that point, but im sure they exchanged a few words sometime in between (for the sake of realism, its something to acknowledge) and i think splinter would think of that a lot too. why didn't he notice donnie was starting to look up so beat up? getting thinner and thinner? just disappearing during leo's birthday?? staring through him whenever splinter shot im a quick hello on the way to the kitchen??? originally that conversation weighed on the back of his mind already (because i dont think donnie comes to him for comfort like THAT much, technically i think in cc that was usually leo's job. rooftop conversations and all that), but obviously he wouldnt correlate it with any red flags now. just like how april didnt WANT to assume they were doing anything wrong because the four of them were so close, malice just didnt feel like a REALISTIC thing to expect from them and they were acting normal to her!!
cannot even begin to imagine how he was feeling in cw ch1. hearing about most of what they did and seeing how tiny and roughed up donnie was is one thing, and seeing him cling to his robe and inconsolably sob and scream for his daddy is another. splinter probably cant help but wonder if this is what donnie had wanted the whole time. cant help but wonder if he would have reacted like this at ANY point before it all got this far. all he had to do is reach out, for once. to ask HIM if he's okay, for once.
and he didn't.
#ask#canary continuity#ive had a proper conversation between splinter and raph planned out for this next chapter for a While#i might have it start with mikey though. because i should probably address mikey being mad at his dad now that he knows lol#i'll see how it turns out#cw abuse#cw neglect
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presented without comment
(chapters 280 + 344)
#unordinary#unordinary webtoon#cw blood#i fucking lied i have so many comments#FIRST AND FOREMOST. i originally had the images in the opposite order (meaning john’s on the left and rei’s on the right)#when i was drafting this post. but then i was like. ‘oh i should put them in chapter/chronological order instead’ and it oh my god#uru you bastard that’s so much worse#(and then ofc i had to rewrite my tags accordingly)#but anyways#like literally almost everything about these scenes is mirrored/opposite#obviously they are facing different directions (and thus. each other)#they are also looking at different places in the second panel - rei is looking up and john is looking down#rei is looking up directly at kuyo. yes. but his raised head also makes him look a bit defiant. his kind of smirk also adds to that feel#he’s obviously not… happy. he’s been through a lot (is literally about to die) but his spirit remains.#there’s still light in his eyes. hope.#and he still finds the time to tell kuyo to call it quits and give him well wishes#then we have john’s half which is. ough.#and uhh cw suicidal ideation from this point on i guess?#looking down! no light in his eyes! defeated and dragging himself to the finish line!#alone.#he’s still fighting but he’s TIRED. absolutely nothing to look forward to here.#keep going because there’s no turning back now#he is doing this for the people he’s already lost (jane william sera). not for people who are here now (blyke remi isen)#rei didn’t go into this thinking he would die but ended up choosing to sacrifice himself anyways#john went in with the intention of sacrificing himself and survived anyways#i could be reading too far into it but i think you can kind of see that in their expressions in the first image set#rei looks like he’s realizing he’s about to die but john just looks like he’s fighting#he’s already made his choice#that’s about all i got (and i’m at the tag limit) so.#to everybody who hated my john-william comparison post this one’s for YOU 🫵
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Anyone got any recs for actual play dnd (or other ttrpg) podcast thats actually intended to be audio based and not "Visual but we turned the audio into a podcast"??
#ive got over an hour commute EACH WAY 5 days a week now and theres only so many educational podcasts you can listen to before realising that#youve essentially extended your workday another 2-3 hours each day. oh and i also have trainings which are another 40 minute commute IN THE#OPPOSITE DIRECTION#:'(#but yeah i digress. i need podcasts where i get to turn my mind off#ive been through taz and ive tried cr and dimention20 but its too visually based and i feel like im missing out or have to focus way toomuch#also did listen to dungeons and daddies but parents loosing their kids is a trigger for me so yeah...#so preferably tips where child endangerment / looking for lost kids / losing parents isnt a big plot point#not space
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reggie's already half asleep when he feels the movement, and though a low little moan in his chest slips out as he feels dmitri press inside of him again, he doesn't move much, feeling limbless and spent, tired in a way he's never sure he's felt before, all the while dmitri's low, warm voice drips like honey over him, soothing him more, letting him fall into sleep that only rouses momentarily here and there before taking him under again. it feels like bliss, a warm, safe, perfect bliss, and all thoughts of what's going to happen in the morning are scrubbed from his mind and not at all a worry or concern. he's simply happy.
as the sleep starts to fade, however, his body protests against much movement at all, groaning and complaining about any little shift, as his hips and legs twist and move, his arms press against the cush bed under him to push him upright, and his eyes slowly open to face the cold grey light of the room.
dmitri isn't beside him anymore, and every inch of him feels cold, but before he can even scan the room, he hears the words and stops short. blinks. it's all rushing back, a sudden wave, a moment of true joy before it's ripped out of him again. dmitri's across the room before reggie has a moment to even think and the more the other man talks, to more it's like icy little stabs to that place inside of him that had been so warm and content just a moment before.
I never wanted this to happen.
it's that stab that twists the hardest in his gut, and something so cold crawls up his stomach that he's afraid he might be sick if he keeps looking at the regret written all over dmitri's face. he's the stupid one, here, the desperate, horny slut who spread his legs for a man he knew couldn't feel the same way about him that he felt. his heart still aches, remembering whispered words from the night before. mine, need you, promises made in a throw of passion that mean absolutely nothing now that the light of day is shining on them. he felt hope, maybe too much of it, even with all of the warning he had before, and now that it's being ripped away from him so soon after bliss...
reggie just blows out a breath and shakes his head. "forget it." words cold, colder than he's ever been with dmitri before, and his body is moving in the exact opposite direction of where the other man is knelt by the bed, like he's praying forgiveness to some god that might not even exist. eyes scan the floor for any sign of his haphazardly discarded clothes, suddenly feeling too exposed and too raw and needing out. some part of him is screaming that he needs to shower, to wash away any hint of dmitri on his body (a task he knows will be impossible for at least a few days, as he can feel pulsing points of skin bruised with claiming bites and marks all over), but even the idea of that makes him sick.
he can't be here, being rejected to his face, being told he's dmitri's best friend and that's all he wants when all reggie can think about is how good last night felt. he finds his pants and tosses them on, hanging low on his hips as he stands and stretches, still searching for his shirt. "i told abuela that i'd help her fix that creaky step on her porch before i have to be back to the firestation for my next stretch of on calls, so i should just--" he sucks at his teeth, stopping himself from saying more as he feels the hurt and anger dripping in his tone. he has plenty of time before he needs to leave, he planned vacation days around this, being here with his friend, but right now--
right now, running feels safer than his heart breaking more.
finally, his shirt is in his hand and he's tossing it on, mind already doing the checklist, where are his keys, where's his wallet, where is his phone. what music is he gonna put on his shitty truck stereo while he drives the hell away from here to completely drown out the voices in his head saying 'i told you so' over and over.
"i don't regret it, by the way." it comes out of him before he can stop it, eyes firmly planted on the door now, the escape, but feet rooted seemingly to the floor. "i'm sorry that you do, but it was--" perfect. wonderful. "-- i don't regret it. but i won't bring it up again. we're best friends. that's it. that's all."
Dmitri feels the steady, soothing glide of Reggie’s palm down the back of his scalp. It’s careful, grounding, but not enough to make him drowsy------ not after one round. Pffftchh, please. But his mind's still whirring from the most powerful orgasm that he's had in... fuck, who cares. Dmitri doesn't remember those other faceless lovers, doesn't want to even call anyone else his lover except for... Yeah, it's all sinking in now, though not in a way that cools that ever-burning flame in the pit of his gut. His need for Reggie snaps and snarls like a vicious and violent stray thing, that doesn't know how to stop wanting more. That hunger... well, nothing else in Dmitri’s life has ever felt quite this all-encompassing, this strong, outside of his burning ambition to become the greatest MMA Champion in the world. Fighting and fucking are the highest of highs, but Reggie? Promises everlasting desire and paradise and it's----- it's colossal, bone-deep love drenched in ravenous lust. Of course Dmitri's addicted beyond reason and pure sanity------ he's never wanted anything, anyone this unbearably before!
And so, the moment his even breathing returns to him (and he can tell Reggie's gone all tired and limp against his sweat-slick muscles,) Dmitri rolls onto his side, into the bed soaked in the mess that they made, and pulls Reggie into a protective embrace. From there, it's a lot of cuddling, squeezing, whispered words of obsessive passion, "You're mine." "Need you so much." "Belong to me." Shit that he's absolutely gonna pretend he never said in the morning, but for right now, he's possessed by some stronger force that only thinks, breathes, practically salivates over Reggie. And in between him lulling Reggie to sleep, comforting him, pulling some of the furs up to drape them both in that tranquil warmth... he's pressing his cock against the swell of Reggie's ass, slipping his pulsating girth back inside that impossibly tight hug of gushy walls and heat. Dmitri fucks into Reggie with slow, needy, but no less pleasurable pumps of his heavy cock, sometimes hard enough to stir Reggie into greater awareness----- but then Dmitri just reaches around to grasp Reggie's throat (firm but gentle, always that hypnotizing balance when his baby's half asleep) and purrs at him to take it, that he's doing so good, that he's Master's good little bitch, his slut, his fucking everything. Dmitri wants Reggie to be his everything, because it already feels like he is, as he's chasing wave after wave of pleasure, lost in an endless pursuit of carnal ecstasy and leaving Reggie dripping sloppy wet throughout the night. That hole had to be so fucking wrecked and puffy that he'd absolutely be sore and tender by tomorrow, more than likely unable to even sit down for prolonged periods.
Dmitri doesn’t know when he finally exhausts himself enough to fall asleep, and he’s lost count of how many times he’s given Reggie hot steamy load after load, but eventually, sleep claims him. Reggie stays nestled close against his chest, and outside, the winter clouds block out any hint of sunlight, allowing them to remain undisturbed in this sensual dreamworld. ...But Dmitri inevitably wakes first, surfacing from the fog of sleep with a jolt. Brown eyes snap open, wild and unfocused, his nose buried in the curve of Reggie’s neck as if he’d been unconsciously seeking his pulse throughout the night. And, with the realizations about last night swiftly crashing down upon him, his heart feels terrible. Crushed. He's going to be fucking sick.
Not at Reggie, but at himself.
What did he do? What the fuck did he just do? His breaths quicken------- short, panicked gasps that feel alien to him. It’s a sensation he’s only familiar with in the ring or after pushing his body to its limits during an intense conditioning routine. This was... so fucking bad------- in the matter of one night he destroyed his best friendship, his heart, and probably his happiness. All because he couldn’t resist something that felt incredible in the moment, but was the final blow to any stable and platonic future between him and Reg.
Chest trembling, breaths uneven, Dmitri moves cautiously to slip out of bed, determined not to wake Reggie, not yet, not when he’s not ready to meet those big doe eyes head on. He dashes toward the expansive cabin bathroom, desperate for a moment of solitude. A freestanding tub rests invitingly in one corner, but Dmitri heads straight for the shower, cranking the water on and stepping under the spray. The cold hits first, crawling across his skin until the heat finally takes over. As the water cascades down, he’s unable to escape the memory of Reggie’s touch------- the press of his teeth against Dmitri’s throat, the soft sweep of his lips over his collarbone. Worse still, he keeps hearing Reggie's goddamn voice------ making his body react, his lower half tense with an arrow of heat straight to his cock. Making him need again.
Belong to you. Dmitri. Sir.
Oh, it's fucking over. He's supposed to try to act normal after that? The things he did... the nasty shit that he said, that he called Reggie----- the fact that he knows he could take it a step further, but that it'll be all out of lust, out of treating Reggie as more of a slut than a best friend because he doesn't know how to properly love. Wouldn't know what to do with someone else's heart, not even if Reggie just placed his right into Dmitri's destructive hands, trusting him implicitly with it. Oh---- oh god, he just broke his own fucking heart, and possibly Reggie's right along with it.
No, no. It's just some pre-orgasm pining, Reggie wanting a taste for something he's never had before. Dmitri can't break Reggie's heart, because no one as good as Reggie would ever actually be in love with the likes of him.
A shaky hand hovers over the water dial, turning it with slow precision. Afterwards, Dmitri steps out, body revving into overdrive while his mind lingers in a distant fog. His eyes appear blurred and far-off as he reaches for a towel, drying himself absentmindedly. Only when he’s back in the other room, slipping into a fresh pair of boxers and black lounge pants, does he hear the sound of movement on the bed that jolts his spine straight. A wave of dread floods his veins. For what feels like an eternity, Dmitri stands motionless, dead silent, watching as Reggie stirs awake, rubbing the sleep from his eyes------- still beautiful, still covered in Dmitri’s marks, his dried seed. Goddammit.
"I'm so sorry," it just comes out, pained and worried and full of unavoidable regret. He hates that he did what he did, even though he knows his inner monster, fueled by lust, is grinning and panting for more. "I'm so fucking sorry, I------ don't know what came over me." A few long-legged strides carry him to the bed, where Dmitri drops down on his knees against the side of it, hands setting on top of fur covers----- close to Reggie's but too uneasy to touch. "I fucked up, so, so bad. I never wanted this to happen."
And he doesn't realize how hurtful that probably sounds, because he's overcome with emotion his damn self, and he just wants to convey sincerity but he's never slept with someone so dear to him before. It was wrong to take advantage of Reggie's confession and trust like that.
"You're----- you're my best friend," his voice aches. Reggie's his best friend, and he betrayed him. "That's it, that's all I want from you. You gotta believe me." And he has to clamp his mouth shut and swallow deep to stop himself from uttering baby, please.
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every time I see a “it’s actually totally fine and nbd to have sex you don’t enjoy and are uncomfortable with because your partner wants it and you want them to be happy, as long as you’re giving uncoerced consent!” post I lose a month off my lifespan
#can /some people/ do this and have it be healthy for them? sure#but this is the overwhelming pressure both in a relationship and from society#and ime at least it has fucked me up a lot#to have sex i technically gave uncoerced consent to#where i was uncomfortable and unhappy and doing it to try and make my partner happy#bonus points for ‘it’s just like any other activity! just like you can watch a movie you don’t like for the sake of your partner#you can take a few hours to have sex you don’t like for them’#like come on now.#sex is not in fact psychologically identical to movies for most people#when i was a kid my school often made me watch movies I didn’t like or want to watch#you can say this isn’t ideal but#surely you can see. how this is different. than if they had made me have sex i didn’t want.#whatever WHATEVERRRRRR i know the sentiment is helpful for a lot of ppl#and i probably go too hard in the opposite direction#but im not framing myself as a wise advice giver im just rambling in tumblr tags abt my issues#if i were giving advice. well personally i would try to be more nuanced#than ‘don’t worry about it! it’s fine and normal to have sex you’re uncomfortable with and if you disagree you’re acephobic’#but that’s just me.#therapists dni#oh also I agree that people shouldn’t have to fake ‘normal reactions’ to sex#or to try and have orgasms if that’s unrewarding for them etc#im stone! its complicated! i get it!#but you gotta be careful to give the message ‘it’s complicated’#and not just. encouraging ppl to do things they’re genuinely uncomfortable with to make their partner happy.
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#idk if/when I'll get around to writing this bc I have toooo fucking many plates in the air right now#and I'm still chewing on our au but I also keep randomly thinking about ghost city canon#and specifically the moment Ilya realizes Maksim is.... Not Normal about navigating dangerous situations with them 👀#like after the confession and they're comfortable being affectionate with each other#and they've already noticed he gets very physical /after/ they're out of danger#but at some point like. there's a beat while they're hiding or trying to stay quiet or whatever#and Ilya's like hang on. I know how you look and sound when you're /turned on/..... yooouuu love this >:]#and it would come as a surprise to him too gfdsgsd like he's never felt that way /before/#but adrenaline + his fixation on/attraction to Ilya is cooking some brand new weird chemicals in his brain and he's like#fuck. what. I /do/ love this???#and of course he never gets time to be embarrassed or anything because Ilya immediately seizes the opportunity to just lean into it#because their brain just responds weirdly to danger in the opposite direction so they don't have the distraction of being worried or scared#seeing him excited just makes them excited :3c
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pertaining to the idea of tenax’s band of strays i do think it’s touching that the kids are the ones who saved him and waited outside the door to make sure he’s okay. for all tenax claims to be harsh and cruel it’s a fine indicator of his character that the kids won’t rest without him and are there every time he’s in danger.
#AND I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE I HAD THEM STEALING THEIR WAY OMTO#THE PLATFORMS WHAT DO YOU MEANNNNNNN oh i love being right#also that all the kids are there watching when he kills the guy whose name i forget because i simply cannot hold names in my brain but the#evil one. who i was like oh thank GOD he died i was so sick of this plot he kept killing everyone & i screeched when he almost got claudia#something something calla saying ‘you’re not a child anymore’ about tenax’s cruelty to the brothers (which in my twisted narratives. sorry.#there’s only one scorpus who KNEW the child tenax was. the child he’s still healing and caring for. all of the children whose eyes he looks#into and sees a hurt that’s just like his? the children tenax saved whether he’ll admit it or not? scorpus saved him. and that’s all)#(also this is a terrible thing to say i knew it about but like. oh i knew it about the master of the house. tenax making sure NO ONE#touches the kids or does anything with them really but Claudia and him—the people he trusts which also now includes calla but he makes sure#it’s someone he knows. also do we have a claudia backstory??? or would i just get to invent a reason why she’s there and what she’s doing#and why she’s so loyal to tenax. did she also see the child he was and that’s why she’s so protective of him but also why she gets along#with calla so well because the two of them see how he’s festered in that. like calla fully has the rights here i think she should rip him a#new one for his lack of decency and good qualities he can be corrupt without being cruel y’know. and he should be called out on his#peter pan ass behavior you’re not a child!! there are such consequences!!! dream a little bigger a little kinder!!! change the dream you#made up with scorpus when you were a young angry teenager and make it fit who you are NOW. the life you want NOW not the life you thought#you should have & deserved. what did you learn from growing up. what changed. what do you need now & what do you want. not the same things#and i too wish that this was 30k and covered their entire backstory#BUT IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION of i also need it to be 100k canon-divergent (presumably. i’m only through episode eight. but i can’t imagine#that they will follow the plot EYE would write because they need to have a second season & you can’t have that without conflict which means#titus overthrown scorpus is gonna die metaphorically or literally etc etc the gold faction in shambles but technically triumphant with#domitian on the throne and tenax in a position of patrician power accepted into their society but still not equal and happy. whereas lmao#domitian you’re getting shipped off to some other city because your plot to overthrow titus failed and yet he is merciful enough he won’t#kill you he just sends you and hermes together (at which point over the months long journey you forgive and re-learn each other bc titus#didn’t know of the betrayal he thought it would be kind to send your (ex-)lover with you. do we see how this works perfectly) & tenax falls#back into the underworld where he now knows he belongs because blood is everything except when it isn’t. when he realizes what he has is#worth more. no matter if the blood he has is tainted or patrician the blood oath he swore with scorpus iron on their tongues means more.#calla’s split lip defending him and their winnings. kwaame’s blood on the hard packed sand of the arena fighting to stay alive and to come#home to them. the fire in aura’s cheeks when she laughs at ivy. SURPRISEEEE EVERY NARRATIVE IS A FOUND FAMILY I GUESS IT SPRUNG ON ME TOO.#and tenax doesn’t mind a little dirt and bribery every now and then. doesn’t aspire to former heights and shining brilliant out of shadows.#the gaudiness of gold &flash of fools’ dreams. YES CAN I FINALLY PLS GET MY BLACK FACTION TO REPLACE THE ILL-FATED GOLD THATLL COLLAPSE W/D
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frederick chilton on nbc hannibal is what happens when writers take the plot armor that comes from being a character from the original story that therefore can't die in the prequel and stretch that as far as humanly possible
#this is just to say that i am nearly done with red dragon arc and JESUS CHRIST this man is NOT having a good time#at this point if i was chilton and the fbi asked me to consult on a case i would immediately start running in the opposite direction#i was originally laughing at alana being like 'only a fool would agree to this plan' smash cut to chilton but. i am not laughing now#pie says stuff#pie watches hannibal#hannibal#frederick chilton
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America needs public transit so that, more than anything else, someone can drag my faggot ass to the bloodwork place to get my bloodwork done
#ipj speaks#ngl if i knew i had to get bloodwork i probably wouldntve gone forward with the surgery#but im in too deep now and idk if theres ever gonna be another convenient point in my life to get it done#i also have to get coffee and the coffee shop is in the exact opposite direction of the bloodwork place from my house#i hate it here in the prison of literally my own fuckin fault
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ANYWAY now that ive gotten my firefly rant off my chest and on a more positive note about the story overall; i Really liked it!!!! and character-wise specifically the biggest surprise for me in a huge W way was actually acheron??
& given i was actually somewhat committed to pulling her anyway (well. initially as kafka replacement to pull my first lightning carry after losing 50-50 but. Well. she had mercy on me at the v last moment thank goodness 😭😭) so actually ending up liking her character this much just cemented that resolve for good too. cant wait for her!!! like i am still meh on her base design not bc its that bad by itself but simply bc seeles existence just cheapens it so much like. Why are they so similar. but its not bad lmao
anyway to her actual characterization. first of all. the VAs delivery omg yall beidous english voice is already one of my all time favorites in genshin and shes doing an amazing job as acheron like. she started talking and im just INSTANTLY warmed up to her just from that KDJSKDKJK i love love love her attitude and energy!!!!!
n personality wise too??? like ive seen others mention a similar sentiment but its just the way how. even after getting the warnings from now Two separate characters that shes up to no good. im just like. "nah id win" abt it SHSKDKSI like throughout the story she comes off as so damn likeable and grounded and realistically friendly (as in not like. too open n aligned w the player from the get-go to feel believable for the character as opposed to a plot contrivance) that i just. even if shes bad news im team acheron truly.
she has genuinely funny one liners too ??? like not necessarily jokes outright but the kinda comments she says are just . very realistic in that dry witty way that comes off as natural and entertaining shes so charming!!! i love her. the more contemplative stuff she says too
but also like. girl whats up w the ominous red text ily but are we cool 😭😭 and the whole shredding us into thin slices on first encounter in the dreamscape like. Ok uhhhhhhhh ik i said nah id win and team acheron forever but this is kinda. worrisome
BUT that just means im so fucking excited to see her go apeshit too lmao like. oh shes an emanator here to do murder and spread death? COOL i hope she has fun!!
(and ik i said firefly rant over but. what the actual hell is that post firefly merk dialogue option where the games like very heavy handedly implying ur supposed to be blaming ACHERON for "letting it happen" in some emotional frenzy???? bro what 💀💀 0/5 moment i would never. n even if she plausibly did im just. dude her being cold towards firefly is just a plus for me when the narrative has just railroaded the TB into being sooo charmed by her magical presence lmao i Liked that acheron was suspicious n cold)
overall Definitely wasnt expecting acheron to establish herself as such an instant favorite for sure but. shes here now and im v happy abt it im super looking forward to seeing those more dubious goals of her come to the forefront in the future like. im so curious about whats up w her and her memory and that red text and everything
#also honestly unintentionally hilarious moment from acheron when she jist. asks for directions to the lobby too 😭😭😭😭#anyway. overall i wonder if theure like. making a point of setting up the 'suspicious' characters to turn out far more benign#than appears at first glance#and have the more like. omg friendly people. turn out more involved in the shady stuff#like to a degree it already happened with aventurine. whole time everyones playing up how shady he is but#ultimately he really didnt do that much in terms of actually harming us? he was surprisingly straight (lol. lmao) w us throughout#like Obviously hes acting in full self interest but i do overall v much agree w black swans assessment of him too#that as a businessman it does matter how he handles his deals. now obviously he could turn out a whole lot different in the future#but nonetheless. point being he wasnt all that nefarious compared to how he was presented as#whereas both acheron and (sigh) firefly do kinda have that initial friendliness and then later on turn out to be#Not what they seem . which isnt like a twist or anything its just interesting#tho i suppose its less whos more or less trustworthy at first glance and more just. everyone lies on penacony#just depends on what their aims are to truly know whether they stand in opposition w us ultimately#acherons strange bc like of the cast rn. truly would trust her the most just based on vibes . which might not be smart 💀💀#logically the most quote unquote trustworthy are swan n aventurine methinks . swan bc she said she wants more of my memories for her stash#so she wants us alive on both a personal basis and as a memokeeper#n aventurine bc he sees us as his own investment in whatever gamble hes undertaking#so cold as it is. we are very valuable to those 2 as assets so like they might hide things n mislead but they dont want us dead lol#anyway v much looking forward to the future developments#hsr#rambles#hsr spoilers
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I keep forgetting Eight is SIS a lot of the time because I could never decide if it was the right path for him or not and most of his interactions with Jonas were outright failures that only made him even more disinterested, but then Theron comes into the picture again. And of course that is a point of deliberation.
Theron feels a responsibility towards him after KOTXX for not realizing sooner that Eight was just following Lana's orders to an obedient T not out of his own personal desire or will, but the simple need to repay a life debt, a fact which escapes most of the Alliance and even Lana herself despite it directly opposing his usual behavior. As the kind of person who has to save those in front of him whether they like it or not, this guilts Theron immensely not only for being a part of the blind crowd but enabling a violent warmongering path for Eight that he realizes now may not have been Eight's wish after all, that he'd pegged him all wrong-- and worse, treated him like so.
Eight himself cares very little at this point whether Theron treats him favorably or not. He was here to be used, and he was used. It's the way he's always lived. For a time he might've had the small hope to understand Theron and Lana during SoR, but that faded very quickly come KOTXX. He lived the same way during Intelligence with the added benefit that he did care for those people as they cared for him, but it never removed the stain of the dirty business he'd permanently undertaken, only made it more acceptable as part of his life and not treated like dirty laundry the way the Alliance did.
Theron latches on to the small thought that they could've been different if he'd only tried to get to know Eight, and out of a desire to make things right in his mind, starts attempting to extend the proverbial olive branch even though it's an awkward and uncomfortable attempt that feels too little too late. He has to do something, and try as he might he's not the kind of guy who cuts people loose to stay out in the cold. And maybe part of that is residual guilt for not protecting the Sixth Line and Master Surro, his repeated failure to be responsible for those under his command. Eight is essentially his last chance to prove he can do right by others, even when they share no common ground or bond. It's the barren ground of their relationship that makes him want to try, even if he shouldn't be using him as his own redemption.
Somehow this results in Theron making it a personal point to be involved in Eight's life from them on after, SIS included: unofficially, he stays as his handler. He prides himself secretly on the notion that Eight seems to like Jonas even less than him, which is legendary given Eight's notoriously aloof attitude (but not much to brag about from an outside perspective) and the SIS more or less doesn't give a womp rat's ass whether Theron meddles as long as the ex-Imperial agent stays on a short leash, and that's.. fine with him. Theron wouldn't have asked regardless.
Still, he tries. Hopes at the very least he can keep the SIS' use of him to a bare minimum so what happened in the Alliance can never happen again, optimistic as that is. Checks on him often enough that it looks like they're officially assigned to one another, and even lets him go in and out of his own apartment as he pleases (Eight gets his own. as usual, he doesn't care for it much and it still makes Theron antsy that he'll come to it one day and find it completely abandoned, so this is fine).
Eight doesn't say much. Comments that the life is fine when asked, doesn't watch the holos but idly listens when he puts it on. Does his work and doesn't when he's off the clock. When asked about how he feels killing Imps, it makes Theron's blood run cold when Eight casually says that was his only job over there too.
Theron buys him some street food in an attempt to make something different. At the very least, Eight says it's better than rations.
#weird qpr losers at it again#swtor#ooc#rishi trio#he keeps hanging out with him bc he feels bad lol#they don't know what they are too each other and at this point they're too afraid to ask#theron to eight is the weird guy who keeps inserting himself into his business. not the worst thing to happen to him#eight to theron has turned into some kind of charge that he wants to see go from a weapon to... someone happier#ofc doesn't know how to do that or even fully know why so he's just. with him now#the SIS can't tell who's following who around#it *is* a direct parallel to Keeper's own treatment of Eight in the past#anyways it's just a really funny thought they still end up as weird roommates#and i STILL DONT KNOW if he'll pick the SIS or going back to ImpIntel#bc briefly imagined the absolute hurt Theron would feel seeing them on opposite sides again#and realizing he's right about his suspicions that Eight had no desire of his own during KOTXX seeing the way he goes back to cold busines#as his enemy and fighting for yet another side that cares not for him#but also it's just really fucking funny to randomly have your only debatable friend be an assassin who you're also trying to#take care of and you know he can kill 10 people without blinking but you'll feel like shit forever#if you don't convince him that coruscant hot caf is tasty actually#you also don't know if he likes you or not bc he doesn't say anything.
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why 3? is it cause :3 or maybe cause its the perfect amount of anything! 3 scoops, 3 ice cubes? TELL US!!
It is those reasons and more! Though my epiphany happened while I was eating and watching that random show I was binging the other day-
We love a food found family trio, legitimately crying, tears everywhere-
#triangles have 3 sides and are the strongest shape#Neapolitan ice cream is 3 flavours in 1#character gang trios!#also I feel like I tend to mesh well with groups of 3#irl bffs gang#group of 3#current goober club?#uhhh group of 3#utdr au gang#for now a humble group of 3#thats not to say I'm not good in larger or groups of people#HOWEVER#you have to admit 3 is the best small gathering#if 1 person doesn't know what to say 2 others can fill in the silence#same goes for the opposite#2 quiet people 1 talkative#lmao I feel like I'm going in a weird direction with this#POINT IS#3 IS GOOD#addition note: DCA is 3 in 1 jester flavours#realised that at the end of these tags#I feel like I could of worded these better but you get the picture#feel like these also go well with the number 5#and 7#3 5 and 7#very good numbers#A good trio of good numbers!!!
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