#but now I can't go the entire week

[ohboywonder]

..

[dawnofiight]

I offer to the public: Black Sam!

So. Erm. :D

Peep the way I didn't feel like doing plaid

Taglist:

@achios

@angel-shaw (I just felt like you should be @ ed for this particular drawing-)

@ashertickler

@aurorialwolf

@dukecollinsbf

@infinitelovewiithoutfulfilmentt

@moronkyne

@pandoraroid

@plaqying

@porters-fangs

@professionallyyappinabtangst (I literally just showed you this)

@puffin-smoke

@skunkox

@starlogician

@sunsickcrab

@themeridian

@tunacatfishes

@www-dot-why-are-you-here-dot-com

@zimix-whispers

[pettyprocrastination]

whoever this beloved anon was I am so touched by your kindness! You definitely didn’t have to do this but I am so happy you enjoy this idea and I will happily expand upon it for you!

this is just a collection of word vomit bullet points for the time being but I will happily answer any and all questions about this pair!!

warnings: violence, angst, child death (Sarah Miller), foul language, the same warnings that apply to tlou, reader is Sarah's mom and described as having similar features to her. 

So the general Idea is that you and Joel are happily married before the outbreak. 

You had been Sarah's mother, his high school sweetheart he got pregnant when neither of you were old enough to have any reaction to the pregnancy test other than a fucking panic attack in one another’s arms. but you made it work 

you both worked but made time for one another and your sweet girl, going to museums every other weekend and joel insisting on swooping you off for a date every now and then 

nothing special. He knows you’re more of a diner gal than anything too fancy that makes you both feel out of place. 

On his birthday in 2003, you had planned to tell him that you were pregnant again. But the memories of your own fears of motherhood from all those years ago begin to swirl through your head again and you get cold feel. deciding to tell him the morning after

it is his birthday afterall, you want to focus on him. 

but when you’re woken up in the middle of the night because tommy needs to get bailed out, Joel kisses you sweetly one last time before promising he’ll be back and you can’t shake the feeling that something bad is happening. 

its you that shakes sarah awake that night. shouting at her to put on her shoes when she’s still rubbing the sleep from her eyes because you’ve been listening to the radio for the past two hours, calling joel again and again and again praying for him to fucking pick up but to no avail. 

Sarah, bless your little girl’s bleeding heart is the one who insists you check on the adler’s against your better suspicions and when you find the eldest looming over her daughter, blood and sinew dripping from her mouth, you grab your daughter hand and burst into a full sprint until something slams into your back and sends you tumbling onto their front lawn

its how joel finds you, struggling to keep the once sweet old woman, whose now nothing more than dead eyes and gnashing teeth straining to snap at your pulse point as you push against her while sarah shrieks before your husband runs forward and cracks her skull with a wrench. 

there’s hardly a moment of pause, just enough for him to pull you up and into his arms before he’s ushering you both into the car with an urgency. 

when the truck crashes, you get separated from them. Perhaps at Tommy’s side when the flames rise and create a wall, separating you from your husband, or maybe pulled into the mob of chaos when trying to escape from those already infected-

all joel knows is that you promise you’ll find him: just get sarah to safety and you’ll meet him at the river

Poor thing is already so frightened, held in her father’s arms with tears streaming down her face insisting they can’t leave you they just can’t but her father kisses her forehead and reassures her its going to be okay 

“we just need to be brave, okay babygirl? Your mama’s real tough, she’s gonna be alright.” 

he isn’t sure if he’s saying it to his daughter or himself. 

but when he comes to the river you aren’t there. Only a soldier who points a gun at the scared little girl in his arms and then he loses everything

its when the light is gone from his daughter’s eyes that he realizes. His voice cracked and raw from sobbing that he looks around to see his brother with drawn in shoulders and tears in his eyes but his wife is nowhere to be found. 

Tommy says you got lost in the chaos. Everything was so loud, so sudden that he turned around and suddenly you weren’t there. 

Joel wants to go back but its Tommy that stops him, that dulls the red in his vision to a sad faded pink because his brother points at the orange horizon not too far from them, so much of the city is already in flames. 

“We’re gonna find her, but not there.” 

So Joel searches. for the first year spent in the world post-outbreak its all he did. 

He became a smuggler because of it. 

Information came at a price and he needed to be able to fucking pay it, whether it be in blood or ration cards. He was willing to do anything to find you or any thin thread that lead your way. 

But it’s Tommy that asks him to give up. Not in those words of course. 

The youngest Miller knows better than to say something so cruel that would make his brother, the only person he has in this world turn on him. 

But his voice is worried when he asks him one night in Boston when he hasn’t even had the chance to wash the blood from his knuckles 

“You think she would have wanted this for you?” 

the fight that followed his words was brutal. Vicious insults and scarred fists slamming against each brother until they're both too tired and bloody to continue. Each leaning against a wall for support and Tommy’s wavering voice breaking the silence. 

“I don’t know where she is, Joel. But I do know you're gonna get yourself killed if you keep lookin’ for her.” 

All he can do is nod. 

It’s a few days later when he meets Tess. Who has heard plenty of stories about the elder miller’s brutality and wants him to put that muscle to good use for some extra profit. 

It begins his new life. One that empty and cold but one he can live. 

Until of course, Ellie comes along. The sweet and incredibly opinionated girl that makes him become something akin to the man he thought died twenty years ago. 

its when he’s traveling with Ellie, that it happens. When a warm familiarity has settled between the two because so much blood and pain has been shared he can’t help but see her as something close, something bright even though all he can force himself to utter in her reference is “cargo” 

when theyre traveling through the woods as Ellie chatters away, probing his memory about a movie that may or may not have existed thirty years ago because her descriptions of the plot are incredibly odd he hears a voice shout for them to stop and finds himself staring at a man- no, a boy- pointing a gun at them. 

Ellie stills, but Joel can see enough to know that from the lanky figure and dimpled face that he’s young. Maybe twenty, twenty-two at the oldest, but his eyes dart from Joel to Ellie with a pinprick of fear that allows Joel the time to charge forward and slam him to the ground before wrestling the gun from his hands. 

He has enough to time to tuck it under the stranger’s chin before he hears the sound of the safety being turned off and finds himself looking up and seeing a gun just inches from his face. 

Joel’s head whips around when Ellie’s voice calls out his name in fear, he turns to see another stranger holding her a gun point, shoulders drawn back and a shadow cast over their face by the had obstructing their identity. 

“You hurt one of mine, I hurt one of yours. That a fair deal?” 

Its takes him a moment to recognize you. It’s been so long since he’s heard your voice, the sweet tease when you would poke at him each time he woke up late despite the fact that you reminded him to set his alarm the night before, the times you’d chide him with a harsh “Joel Miller!” whispered in public anytime he was able to grab you a bit too passionately to be appropriate in public but the laughter in your voice let him know you were never truly mad at him. You didn’t know how to be. 

But that sweetness is buried under a cold rasp that cuts through the air as you point a rifle at the scared little girl in front of you.

“You think I won’t?” You’re older now, skin covered in scars from a life he didn’t know you got the chance to live and your eyes are cold as they regard your husband. “Put the gun down and get the fuck off of him, I won’t repeat myself.” 

Joel mumbles your name in awe. The woman he loved, the woman he mourned the one he fought so hard to find stands before him like some sort of hallucination and suddenly the world feels like its spinning until you bark orders at him again. 

“You’ve got five seconds Joel, make a fucking choice before I make it for you.” 

He looks down and realizes the boy under him, the one with the bleeding nose and snarling face has your eyes and his dimples. 

“One.” 

The one above him has Sarah’s hair. Soft brown curls that shine under the sun. 

“Two”

Wait. No, they both do.

“Three.” 

Twins. Jesus fucking Christ you had twins. 

“Four.” 

Joel holds the rifle up above his head and the one boy standing snatches it from his grasp, tossing it to the ground and kicking it far from his reach. He slowly stands, allowing your son- dear god your son- to scramble to his feet. 

Your voice softens just for a moment. “You okay, Duke?” 

Blood stains the bottom half of his face from where Joel slammed his fist into the boy’s nose just moments before, but he nods nonetheless. 

Now, they both stand on one side of you and he can see the resemblance clear as day the same way he would whenever Sarah was by your side.

When you order him to hand over his bag, he does so without question before telling Ellie to do the same. 

She watches him with wide eyes, her hands still up in the air but gaping at her companion as if he had grown a second head. 

“Joel!” “Just do it, alright?”

He doesn’t miss the way you watch their interaction with narrowed eyes until she tosses her bag to you and you slowly lower your gun. 

“Now, you want to tell me what the fuck you think you’re doin’ at my home?” 

[a-loose-collection-of-ants]

Happy pride month, holy shit

[eddis-not-eeddis]

I need some prayers. My health is really bad right now, and i might lose my job.

[ihamtmus]

.

[shrikeseams]

.

[eggmeralda]

do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option

[iniziare]

Tag drop: Dorian Pavus

[bnnuy-wabbit]

this entire Music Taste debate thing re:rap is getting annoying really fast. Im not USian enough for this.

[secondhandlovers]

Almost the whole country is being flooded and my federal state is affected the most

[imwritesometimes]

me: this is too much exposition. you should not directly tell all the time. let dialogue and tone/body language descriptions do some of the work

also me: this isn't exposition it's literally the second paragraph of chapter one you're setting up the plot you gotta drop a little exposition

also also me:

[iturmom]

i've had a rough day. i made a new kitty friend just a few days ago. he's so sweet and friendly. he's talkative. but this morning he was being playful and he bit me a little too hard. he did break skin but it's the tiniest little nibble, only even one of his fangs broke skin and it was barely to the point that i wasn't even sure he did. but he's a stray, i'm sure of it bc his ear fungus and the sores on his body.

so i spent the whole day making phone calls trying to figure out what to do so i finally got through to the rabies nurse at the city health department and he told me of course to either get a rabies vaccine or call animal control so they could monitor him for 10 days. i can't afford to go to the er when i'm pretty sure he doesn't have rabies cause he doesn't seem at all rabid and i don't know if i can monitor him myself for 10 days bc i don't know when i'm moving but it seems like less than 10 days and he's a stray how would i know if he just didn't show up one day? i'm moving soon so i can't spend all day outside looking for him i'll need to pack and clean. and i've got other stuff going on too. i wanted to spend today preparing for halloween and cleaning and cooking food so that i didn't eat too much of the food for tomorrow and i wanted to make more food for tomorrow. and i wanted to hang out and watch spoooy stuff. but i couldn't think about anything else until i found a solution, so spent all day googling and making calls.

so i ended up calling animal control and that was a mess. the guy had me try to put the cat in a cage instead of trapping him with bait. he scratched me up good and i was so scared that he wouldn't trust me anymore but he came right back to me and he was all over me and it killed me when he nibbled me not once but twice bc he was so gentle when he nibbled so so gentle feather light nibbles barely there. and i was sobbing bc if he had just bit me that gently in the first place then today would have gone so much better for both of us! so then the guy finally brought out the live trap and the wet food. the poor kitty freaked out in the trap poor thing poor little guy.

the whole ordeal took an hour and a half of agony. i sobbed on the phone to my partner scared they might put him down and just about the trauma it caused him and how if he had just been so gentle the first time! i probably drove him crazy saying that over and over. but the animal control guy told me they won't put him down, and he even said he would request that they trap and release him without me even asking! so hopefully he'll just bounce back from the trauma. my partner made me get off the phone cause we have a big day tomorrow of going to the clinic (i can still go to the one at the homeless shelter for free for another year) since the rabies nurse at the health department said i should get antibiotics they can do that much at the clinic and maybe they might even have some resources for a rabies vaccine surely not at the clinic but maybe they can help me somehow wishful thinking. and then after the clinic we're going to celebrate halloween at my place so big day he forced me off the phone cause i was still hysterical. but he actually texted me back for a while which he never does when we get off the phone for the night. but i was still texting after he finished responding and i finally gave him the good news which i'm not sure that he was totally aware of cause he only heard my side of the conversation when i was on the phone with him while talking to the animal control guy, so i put into plain words how he said he'd request tnr and the hopeful declaration that maybe he'll just bounce back from the trauma before too long. and then i realized. i told my partner i was going to take him to meet the kitty tomorrow morning when he came over for halloween. but now he won't get to meet the kitty bc i'll certainly be moved before the kitty gets released.

and then i smoked a cigarette that i found on the ground recently. i haven't smoked a cigarette in over a year and at that point it was already rare that i smoked. that realization really made an already brutal day even worse. it like punched me in the face.

[guinevereslancelot]

you will live to see sandwiches cost $20

[pynkhues]

GOOD LUCK in court!! decimate that shitty sister's ex 💖💖💖

Thank you!! It's been A Lot Already, but it's going okay so far. Day 1 of 4!

[loumauve]

still got an occasional gross cough and a bunch of anxiety over being back at work with a certain horribly exhausting person but prolonging the stress will prob make it worse so I might as well go back to work tomorrow.

I stress cleaned everything in my flat today except the piles of washed clothes and unwashed dishes so things are back to normal once more, and then I sorted out all the stuff for upcoming project + exam prep and packed my bag for tomorrow and laid out clothes so I'm as ready as I can be.

gonna be exhausted tho bc it's already 11 pm and I gotta be up by 4:30 am at the latest if I wanna be at work at my usual time. I don't have to be there at 6:30, I could go there at 9 or 10 even but then I would have to stay late and deal with people right away, which is a strong hell nah for me