#but nothing else about the second part of S4

[teenwolf-theoriginals]

haven’t watched manifest season 4, part 2 yet. but i saw on twitter that zeke and michaela are endgame (find their way back to each other). if what i saw wasn’t a mislead, then i’m going to be so happy. and now, i can force myself to sit through the michaela and j*red scenes while knowing the right couple, the one with such a beautiful connection/love story became endgame for the second time. 🥹

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

something that has bothered me about tua seasons 2-4 is the inconsistency of the relationships between the siblings.

starting with klaus, in season 1 ben and diego were his people. ben and klaus were always shown together in the flashbacks to them as kids and obviously every second of the show because klaus was the only one who could see him. but like… they were CLOSE. SO FUCKING CLOSE. they were the most SIBLINGS of all the siblings.

that continued into season 2. ben was randomly a bit colder towards klaus but they were still so fucking close.

and then ben left, and klaus for the first time was alone without his person. everyone else lost a brother when they were 17, except klaus. so he had to grieve ben for the first time. that didn’t happen, though. there were many nods to them being close, and then of course steve blackman pulled a steve blackman which means weird unnecessary incest implications, but it wasn’t clear just how close klaus and brellie ben were even though it had to be hard to be around someone who looked like ben and was kind of ben but also wasn’t ben.

and with diego, it also seemed like he and klaus were incredibly close. diego older-brothered klaus constantly s1 and they gave off the impression that they ran into each other a lot in the city during the years since leaving the academy.

then they completely disregarded it for the rest of the seasons. in s2 and s3 there a few interactions that could lend credence to this but for the most part it seemed like they threw it out the window.

allison and klaus had no clear relationship in season 1. they had some incredibly minor sibling interactions but nothing that indicated they were anywhere near as close as they imply in season 4. season 2 they were close and then season 3 not a lot of interaction. but s4 makes it seem like they have always been incredibly close which doesn’t make sense!!

five and viktor have a relatively consistent friendship, although s4 doesn’t really give viktor any relationship development with his siblings. same with five, if anything he just gets his relationships destroyed but that’s a different post!!

allison and viktor also are pretty consistently close. the implication is that they weren’t as kids but that they really try to be as adults, and i do like their relationship overall.

luther and allison nasty ew kill it with fire. like i thought we established in s2 that incest is weird actually and that we weren’t doing that and then season 3 came along and whatever whatever shut up.

diego and luther’s relationship is fun. they go from adversaries to himbo besties and it’s relatively consistent.

luther and viktor have similar growth. luther goes from piece of shit basically causing the apocalypse s1 because of how shitty he was to viktor towards really wanting to make things right and being the big brother he always should have been. they didn’t really have a relationship s4 but WHATEVER.

i feel like five and luther were together a lot the first two seasons and that very much changed. i’m not even that upset as i think five having character arcs with each sibling is good since he missed so many years with them (other than him and viktor they were always close and should have remained that way).

i think allison and diego and viktor and diego having relationship development would have been cool. in the comics viktor and diego have a band so we know they’re friends. and in the show allison and diego don’t have too many interactions but the ones they do have are SOOOO SIBLING and i adore that.

ben and viktor have some closeness s3-4 (and the end of s2) but it’s not really something we see, more so we’re just told. and then random flashback to them hanging out as kids before the mission which was confusing.

i think five and klaus were done the dirtiest with the relationship inconsistency. i understand wanting different characters to have arcs with different people, but when you sacrifice the established relationships and basically put your characters on shuffle then you also sacrifice character consistency, development, growth, etc.

i think a big problem is how many characters they brought on last season. there wasn’t time for consistent relationships among the brellies when they had to use a shit ton of time building new characters and relationships (and immediately killing them all off which was A Choice).

anyway just wanted to write out thoughts about this. would love to know other people’s thoughts (or headcanons about the siblings).

[thestrangestthing89]

Reasons I think Byler is getting together early... 1) Everyone thought byler would get together at the end of S4 because there was so much build up and tension between the two. It made sense with the story to fit that at the end of the season, so much so, that people were anticipating it. 2) The constant interruptions, mainly by Jonathan. They don't need to be interrupted if nothing is happening. Both scenes in Lenora that get interrupted were flirty scenes with a lot of tension. If Jonathan hadn't interrupted this, what would have happened? There is a strong implication that something would have. Otherwise, why bother doing it. There are several other conversations that get interrupted, like the one on top of the car, where things were getting personal and they were on the edge of saying something. They are close to saying what they want to say and being honest. 3) The original plan of Jonathan's that Will and Mike agree to, is to go back to Hawkins and help their friends. It wasn't to find El. When Mike realizes this he goes to have his second talk with Will (the one where Will is kneeling on the floor). He stresses they are a team. If their original plan was to go on a less stressful road trip back to Hawkins, what would have been happening with them? Because that letter El left Mike was a break up letter that Mike is moving on from. (I don't know anyone who would have thought they were still together with someone after being told they weren't going to see that person again for months, possibly years, and weren't going to be able to communicate with them during that time. Who would be waiting around indefinitely? Mike was moving on the second he threw that note out.) 4) The audience needs to start rooting for Mike again and he needs a redemption. Will brings out the best in Mike and he knows him best. So I'm not surprised we have hints that they are filming a lot together. Getting to see the side of Mike who is in a healthy romantic relationship is an important part of his character arc. Especially given how much this show likes to compare Will and El. We need to actually see him with Will to know that this is better for him. Without seeing this side to Mike, there isn't as much of a chance for the audience to reconnect with him because we would still not get to see him when he's at his best. 5) Will's character arc has been about embracing his sexuality and using that as a source of empowerment. A thing that doesn't have the same impact if he doesn't actually get to act on his identity/sexuality until the very end. Seeing both Mike and Will be confident and comfortable with themselves would provide closure to both of their arcs. 6) Other character arcs relate to byler getting together - mainly Jonathan. Jonathan is struggling to find himself and feels very strongly about protecting his family. He feels responsible for them and doesn't want to leave them. Part of this is because they moved away from Hawkins (where their friends and support are) and part of it is the loss of Hopper, who has been helping protect them all. Hopper returning helps a lot. But there is also the added component of Will being gay that I think would still make it harder for Jonathan to want to get his own life if he isn't sure how Hopper would respond to this. Plus, I don't see him leaving Will if Will feels sad and alone and is still having problems with Mike/El. El's character arc also plays into this because her independence has to do with her and Mike breaking up. A thing I suspect already happened by the end of S4. But El really hasn't seen what a healthy romantic relationship even looks like at this point. Byler could be a good example of that for her. Not to mention would be a good reason for Mike and El to clearly end things with each other. El has had trouble separating herself from Mike and uses him as a safety net/backup caretaker when Hopper isn't there. It's not good for her. Knowing that Mike wants to be with someone else could push her to stop being so fixated on him and learn to rely on herself instead.

7) I suspect that one of the main themes of the show is going to be how love saves the world - in opposition to how El's anger has saved them (and not been affective at saving them). Byler being the key to this, and Mike being the heart. There needs to be more interaction with their relationship. Will is the main character and the hero of this story. If his romance is saving the world, we need to see it. And Will deserves to have this whole story play out and not just have it be quick at the end. 8) Just because a lot of other shows have the main couple get together at the end, doesn't mean this one has to do the same. They have inverted plenty of tropes already, this could be another one. Plus, all of the other endgame couples are already together (or mostly together). Byler not getting to have a relationship that we see sticks out as them not wanting to show the gay couple specifically. Which I don't get the impression is an attitude they have. 9) The outfits we have seen Mike and Will wear so far in S5 have been a lot of blue, yellow, and green. They match. Couples on tv shows usually match and they have for several seasons now. But the green is an interesting addition. We have seen blue be associated with Mike and yellow with Will and now we are seeing them wear their own colors along with the other persons. The green (a mix of those 2 colors) suggests that they are already together. 10) I don't think they are going to push this as a love triangle. The time to do that would have been S4 when there actually was one. We got Will pining for Mike, Will standing between Mike and El, tension with Mike and Will, El being confused by some of Mike and Will's interactions. There was something going on with the three of them this season. But the promo/posters didn't suggest this. We know mileven is either over or almost over so there is no point pretending like this is ambiguous. Especially when most of the audience is rooting for Will/byler.

[the-other-art-blog]

Every clue s3 part 1 has given us about Benophie (might edit after rewatch)

I know we are all disappointed of the lack of Ben in part 1, but let's remeber that the show wasn't supposed to be cut in half. I bet Shonda is also upset about this because everyone is judging part one as if that was the whole season.

Still, there are quite a few moments that hint (quite heavily) at Ben's arc in part 2 and Benophie in s4.

Violet promising Kate that she will move.

The masquerade where Benedict and Sophie met was Violet's farewell party before moving from Bridgerton House. I'm so glad she will be in another home! Not only will it refresh the show to present another set, but it will keep Violet's role in Benophie's story as the lady of the house who allows Sophie to work there. I have nothing against Kate, but Violet should be the one who supports Benophie.

Benedict being chased by debutantes.

Benedict being complimented for his dancing.

You know who doesn't know how to dance??? Sophie!!!! Who better to teach her...in a private terrace...away from everyone else!!!! Ben has been running away from that poor girl for 4 episodes, how wonderful it will be when he meets Sophie and she confesses that she doesn't know how to dance! (I have reason to believe we're getting that exact dialogue in the show 👀👀👀👀)

Benedict welcoming the Mondrich to the ton.

Not only does this shows Benedict being kind to people who climbed up the social ladder, but it exhibits his deep understanding of the rule of the ton. He knows what is expected of everyone and that's why he will be so afraid of breaking the rules by marrying Sophie.

In general, just the fact that he looks 3 seconds from having a mental breakdown!

He is being quite a jerk during social events. I love him, make no mistake, but he's so fucking frustrated that he's taking it on others. My theory is that he'll meet Sophie and that will wake his joy again... only to lose her 2 hours after meeting her! And that will make him break.

Also, the absence of art.

This might be one of the saddest things this season. Benedict used to be holding a sketchbook in every family scene in s2, not anymore 😭I was hoping this will be the case, but it still hurts.

EDIT: Talk of stealing servants

In s2, we already hear that Lady Cowper (named Araminta 👀) stole a servant from another house. Now, in s3 there's also chatter about another lady stealing servants from the host of the ball. One of the subplots of AOFAG is that Araminta keeps stealing maids from other houses, but they keep quitting because she treats them horribly. Bton has been inserting that into the show for 2 seasons, just because? I think this is a clear indication we're going to have the mammas battling over servants, just like in the book! It would bring some hilarious scenes from the older cast, possibly the Queen too.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 14 thoughts

(after having seen this episode, i can confidently announce that it is making the top 15!!! god it was just!! so incredible!!! the undying devotion to each other!! i want to frame the way he cups her cheeks!!! i'm crying! you're crying! everyone cried!!!!!!!!)

ah, this episode. i have seen this one mentioned before. i’m interested to see if it was for good reasons or for bad reasons. i can tell that it will be angsty and hurt my feelings, but whether that is written in a way i approve of or not is hard to predict after my intense fight with last episode! and how mean mulder was!

so. reading this description. he’s going to look for answers for her. oh my god. AGAIN. not a mere coworker thing. but i digress. i have a feeling i’ll need to forget that part about their whole power dynamic from the last episode in order to move forward. 

also a little confused as to what the title is going to mean... i know it refers to a reminder of mortality, but in my art history course we looked at a bunch of memento mori art where skeletons just. burst into rooms. and interrupted dances. and i don't really want to see that today.

entering my forgetting mode…. okay. okay. i think i’m here. memory is blank. i am neutral. let us begin.

OH MY GOD SCULLY OPENING MONOLOGUE. okay hold it together. HOLD IT TOGETHER.

wait she’s writing something. who is she writing to? damn, she is very poetic when she puts her mind to it.

“hope you will forgive me for not making the rest of the journey with you” wait. wait hold on. wait hold on….. wait. (insert that sobbing cat image here)

she thinks she is going to DIE?????????

is she writing a letter to go with her will or something?!?!?? wah…. WAHHHHH 

she holds an x ray of her brain (i think that’s what it is, sorry to the stem girlies if it’s some sort of other genre of scan) that clearly shows a tumor………..

:( :( :(

mulder has flowers!!! he is asking where to go in the hospital instead of just looking for the sign directly in front of him. this shows that he is very worried.

he sees her through a window and stares a bit…… before he comes in the room

“i, uh, i stole these from some guy with a broken leg down the hall. he won’t be able to catch me” <- you absolute liar saying ANYTHING to make her smile. oh my god and it WORKED and she’s smiling and he’s smiling and i’m gonna cry already 

look at how he’s looking at her…….. i cannot reconcile this with the last episode at all. i’m sorry, i cannot. and for this reason i once again toss it out of my mind.

HE’S THE ONLY ONE SHE’S CALLED!!?!!?!?? their relationship. it's just. so.

oh my god, she says she has cancer, and he immediately assumes it has to be treatable. she has to tell him it doesn’t seem to be. his unwavering faith...

“i refuse to believe that” <- oh my GOD. oh my GOD. his face his eyes oh my god. he cannot lose her.

“for all the times that i have said that to you, i am as certain about this as you have ever been” SCULLY NOOoOoOOoo

(it must be so horrific to be a doctor and know exactly how you’re dying and that there is nothing you can do…)

he looks so utterly lost and she is trying to hold it together to tell him that if it progresses, she will have no chance of survival. 

“i don’t accept that”, he says, stuttering in disbelief; “there must be some people who’ve received treatment for this. we can….” he fails to finish that thought

(his unwavering belief for even a second that they could find a way needs to be studied in a lab. this man is so intrinsically loyal to the 3 people he holds close it actually makes my heart hurt. i feel aching in my chest)

oh my god he is the DEFINITION of “everything i let go of is covered in claw marks”. he cannot BEAR to lose anything else. he is grasping so firmly to the idea that there HAS to be a way. and she is trying to be resigned to her fate. how strong she is, i think, as she puts on her bravest face, telling him she is going to die.

oh my god, she has to tell SKINNER???? what the fuck. i never even CONSIDERED that. he says he is so sorry while mulder is twisting around in the background because he cannot stay still in moments of stress; i’m recalling how he bounced his basketball up and down, up and down when she was in her coma

they’re going to try and track down the women from allentown they met last year who they talked to about the abductions and the neck implants before she begins any treatment. skinner is reminding them both that they have access to the best treatments in the country. but scully must know that the best isn't enough.

scully says she wants to pursue this through the justice department whilst mulder nods enthusiastically. skinner seems confused but he acquiesces. what else can you do?

so they go to allentown, where they are informed that betsy (the main woman that scully had spoken with regarding the abduction experience) just passed away. and the realtor doesn’t want to let them in before her garage sale, but mulder POINTEDLY pulls out his badge AGAIN, and you know his ass is going in whether she likes it or not. 

(the angry way he pulled out that badge did something to my heart)

scully is having terrible flashbacks from the last time she was here. poor girl...

the realtor is watching mulder pick up the phone and scully points out someone is sending a fax! realtor is just standing there. with hate in her heart.

they go down to the basement and find…. a computer. that someone is copying all of the files from remotely!! some guy named kurt is allegedly copying all that information down. off to kurt’s place. who are, you kurt? a force for evil, i assume?

he is not answering the door and mulder is going to to check the back instead of just wait there because again, he cannot sit still for a minute. and bam! they find kurt. woah. mulder takes him down QUICK. 

NO NO NO. she’s bleeding from her nose….. she says she’s fine. “quit staring at me, i’m fine” <- oh she is so not fine. those are not the words said by someone who is fine.

(after having seen this episode, i still can't stop thinking about this interaction. how angry she seemed to be seen as someone worth pitying or worrying over. how she must have known that would keep happening in the future, how she wanted to hold onto her agency for however long she had left in this world. there was fury in there to cover up the terrible insecurity that comes from fate being out of your hands and the perceived, if not intended, condescension of needing to be cared for. because she is the one that does the caring, and not the other way around. and how she tried so hard to keep working despite knowing the time was ticking, to tell mulder to stop worrying about her, keep his eyes on the mission and off of her... there's so much to be said)

more blood is dripping into the sink in the bathroom. mulder is knocking on the door, asking if she is okay.

(oh my gooood, i’m not sure which angle of angst is worse here: mulder watching scully suffer, blaming himself for if he cannot find a cure OR scully having to carry on through her sickness and see how terrible it is for people around her to grieve her while she’s still living)

this kurt fellow claims he was in the same UFO network, and was copying the files as betsy had told him to. he ran because he thinks the government is trying to suppress that information. hmm. mulder seems to believe him. but they can’t cross check him….

she asks why not, and mulder won’t answer. 

kurt says that all of the women scully met last year died from brain cancer, except for one who is in the hospital named penny, and it doesn’t look good for her.

kurt is insisting that this is in fact a conspiracy, but mulder says he needs to talk to scully. and he walks her out of his view.

oh my GOD i need to copy this whole exchange down hold on….

“i want you to listen to me” “about what?” “about what you won’t admit to yourself- what you’re denying” “what am i denying?” “where your cancer came from” “mulder, it doesn’t matter” “it does matter. if what you have is a result of your abduction and that abduction is something the government knows about, then those are facts that should be brought to light” “i don’t know what happened to me. i have no clear recollection. and i don’t think these abductions are even abductions”

(and when she said that line, she was so furious, thinking the distinction didn't matter in the face of impossible odds, but he insists that it does, because justice ought to be brought to light- and it's not him circling back to UFOs like he always does out of his own self-interest, it's him trying every so gently to break to her that this could be something much bigger than them, a way that she was wronged that ought to happen to no one else- but she still cannot even begin to process it)

“all these women are dead” “no, they are not. one woman isn’t- this penny northern”

(and the desperation in that line as well; there was anger there, a need to pull on any and all threads, so needed that it blew her cool cover about how detached she seemed to her own mortality- she wants to live)

“mm-hmm. if you won’t listen to me, then i think you should go talk to her”

(the gentleness here, how he is trying to softly nudge her, how carefully he keeps his voice even despite the audience KNOWING that he just wants to shake her, beg her to do anything at all that could help her)

“about what? what it feels like to be dying of cancer? what it’s like to know that there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it?”

(oh my god the FURY in her voice here… how she was trying to fight back her voice cracking)

“if that’s too hard for you, then i think you should go as an investigator. you have one remaining witness, agent scully. i’d think you’d want to know what her story is”

oh my god the subtle “agent” in there… the way he’s trying to remind her that she is capable and can maybe find a way out of this, just maybe. the way he kept his voice so even the entire time like he was putting every effort he had into it.

i think that conversation will haunt me forever. 

(god those two were ACTING. i just KNOW that when they got that script they were excited as fuck)

scully goes to visit penny, who remembers her, saying she held and comforted scully “in the place”

scully carefully tells her that she doesn’t remember this, but penny assures her that’s okay. penny thinks she’s here to ask about dr. scanlon, who is treating the cancer, and treated betsy’s too. my money is bet on the fact that he is actually making them worse….

apparently dr. scanlon thinks he figured it out what causes this kind of cancer. and scully has tears in her eyes. oh my god. is she believing the scanlon propaganda...?

mulder is going through a bunch of files with kurt, then he's on the phone with her. “now call me an early bird, but i think i found something��� <- oh my god he’s such a nerd, even when he’s fighting for scully’s life….

he thinks this whole thing is connected to a local fertility clinic, but she doesn't want to hear his theories- she’s asking him to please bring the overnight bag from the car, and call her mom to ask for some things so she can be admitted for treatment.

his breathless “is there anything i should know?” and her answer: “mulder, whatever you found, or whatever you might find, i think that we both know that right now the truth is in me… and that’s where i need to pursue it. as soon possible” 

AND HE SAYS HE WILL BE RIGHT THERE 😭😭

see, this is what i love about them. how they can say so much with so few words, how they would do anything for each other; if one of them needed the moon, the other would start researching how to tear it from the sky. this bond that is so… it’s back to the old question, are soulmates natural or are they formed? with them, they just seem to have that connection. and even when their differences might lead them to fight, it is just a underlying current, that togetherness. and it seems so natural.

(but i just know that the minute he leaves the place, all the files he’s going through are going to somehow get destroyed! i have seen too much of this show to expect otherwise)

mulder slams the file cabinet shut before he leaves and kurt is looking around. what is he planning, this devious kurt fellow?

someone else drives forward as he pulls away. girl is it gonna be CSM?!?!

someone is approaching. okay, it is not CSM. whoever it is has the needle you use to kill the aliens!!! is it the alien bounty hunter? i cannot tell… these white men blend together and also he can shape shift so who tf knows.

but kurt is DOWN and he is BLEEDING THE FIZZY GREEN BLOOD!! kurt was an alien?!?!?! why didn’t he heal those women??! is he involved with making them sick???! i have questions. many many questions.

the fizzy stuff is like dissolving him. not sure we have time to unpack that.

scully is laying in the hospital bed…. dr. scanlon is watching. okay, creepy, but maybe doctors have to do that sometimes. 

she says she doesn’t feel sick, and i typed sock at first, which would be far more lighthearted, wouldn’t it, if she didn’t feel like a sock? 

i don’t trust this guy. 

he straight up says that the radiation and chemo is going to make her feel like she is dying. and at that moment, mrs. scully walks in. she is… very unsettled. and the doctor says they want to start treatment this afternoon. 

despite telling mulder she knows she is going to die, she is trying to reassure her mother that everything is fine. that’s very interesting to me. that she feels she can be honest with him about the lack of hope, but needs to lie to her mother.

mrs. mulder is furious that scully didn’t tell her right away, but she says she wanted to get the answers first. she’s shaking as she says she doesn’t want to be kept in the dark. damn. she really has suffered so much.

oh my GOD... she kisses her cheek and hugs her, saying that she has always been the strong one… but she is her only daughter now. and they hold each other. pain. pain. and suffering.

they’re putting her in some stuff for radiation as scully narrates the evil of cancer, how it becomes one with the person it targets. she says it’s science's answer to an exorcism.

WAIT SHE’S ADDRESSING MULDER?? she must be continuing her letter from earlier……

“and if the darkness should have swallowed me as you read this, you must never think there was the possibility of some secret intervention, something you might have done” STOP. the way she KNOWS he will always, always blame himself, and is trying to say something to stop him from doing so just this once.

he’s breaking into a place because he wants to find anything at all… hmm where is he doing some good old b&e today?

“and though we’ve traveled far together, this last distance must necessarily be traveled alone” no…. no :( no :( 

she knows that he will never stop searching for an answer… to the point where he won’t be able to lead his own life… and so she thinks she should go ahead alone… oh my god. oh my god. is she referring to the treatment process? or the inevitability of death?

he’s breaking into the fertility clinic that he mentioned before. gonna do some typing in the dark. but someone is here with him!!! who???

a guy in a sweater. “i’ve got a gun pointed at your head, turn around very slowly” mulder announces with PERFECT calm.

god i love him. have i mentioned that i love him? how he is willing to die and kill for the ones he loves? and how he is NOT just some bully or mean boss? yes. i’m bitter. 

IT’S KURT!! but we know it is NOT REALLY KURT. because we saw that kurt is dead. so it must be the alien bounty hunter in a new skin? WHAT DOES "KURT" WANT? 

“he” (whoever it is in the flesh suit that was once kurt’s) claims he is also trying to hack into the clinic's system, but can’t get the password right. i guess that he is going to hack and delete everything???

mulder picks up a snowglobe and guesses the password!!!!! yeahhh snowglobes.

woah. cutscene to something being drilled into scully’s head…. must be a flashback from the abduction.

penny is by scully’s side, telling her she’ll be okay as she wakes up from the nightmare. they grasp hands, scully says she feels sick, and that she had a dream where “someone was doing something bad to me”. apparently penny was allowed to tend to her during the procedures. but scully says she can’t hear this right now. 

penny says if she can make sense of it, it’ll help her through the pain, to understand why it is happening to her.

okay, cutscene to skinner’s office. where mulder is sitting before he even gets in there. “i need you to set up a meeting for me”. skinner says “hold all my calls” in that gruff voice of his. i like his serious voice. and i am tense, expecting a fight to go down, or tears to be shed, or something.

oh tea…. mulder found a file from the fertility clinic with scully’s name on it… but he says he’s sure, “pretty damn sure” that she’s never undergone treatment for infertility. this could be very awkward if he is wrong. he seems confident, though.... have they had further discussion about families like they did in home? but even if she WAS undergoing treatment, why would she do it in a random town in pennsylvania? so i guess that his confusion makes sense. 

so he wants a meeting with…. CIGARETTE MAN. “you’ve come to me like this before”, skinner points out, but mulder says he’s willing to DEAL NOW. he knows he’s behind all this. “you offer this man anything, and he will own you forever”, warns skinner. a real deal with the devil…

hold on. i just remembered that in canon CSM killed JFK and MLK jr and writes bad fiction. a wild fellow. and i’m also remembering how mulder broke into his house and asked “why her” with his gun pointing right to his head. i am remembering a lot of things.

mulder is yelling that CSM must have known what they did to agent scully. “but you can’t ask the truth of a man who trades in lies- i won’t let you” says skinner. oh damn…. oh damn. skinner just wants him to be safe but this isn’t going to go over well

they are staring at each other. and he insists that mulder find another way. damn, those two have been through a lot. all those times mulder should have been fired… skinner showing up covered in blood to track him down to some arctic alien base… that time mulder was experiencing psychosis and punched skinner in the face… skinner’s murder accusations… these two have such a fascinating dynamic. i love it. i really need to dive into that someday. i need fic of whatever the fuck it is that is going on between them.

so, what other way can mulder find? the lone gunmen, of course!!

they hack into her file from the clinic and see a gene code… it’s a DNA mutation.

“you guys ever been to the lombard research facility?” (everyone turns to frohike, who shakes his head) “well, pick out something black and sexy and prepare to do some funky poaching” <- LMAO i was surprised to get a genuine giggle during such a dark episode

(neeeeed to know how these dweebs met. all four of them. i know there’s a spin-off series so maybe someday i’ll learn the answers, but until then i’m concocting theories)

skinner is entering mulder’s office. but who is there…. NONE OTHER THAN CSM. “it’s funny,” he says, “i always thought of you as fox mulder’s patron” hey what does that mean. hey what does that mean. is skinner hiding something….?

ohhhh, skinner just accused him of being the devil. 

skinner says he needs a miracle… “what’ll it take?” he asks. OHHHH my god…. skinner loves those two so bad………. a deal with the devil for them….

CSM says that “he’ll have to get back to him on that” when it comes to what it will take for scully’s life…………. skinner what can you offer??????

lone gunmen are breaking into a storm drain. do you think the redhead and the long haired one with glasses are lovers? i think it might be more fun to imagine that they are. i never learned their names. perhaps i am a bad fan. 

mulder and the redhead set out!!! time to break into the facility!!!

okay i think the redhead is named byers? or else frohike’s making a reference i don’t understand. 50/50 odds on that.

they’re going in!!! they’re running!!! mulder has his leather jacket!!! byers (?) sees a keypad to enter a code.

(yes yes, his name is truly byers. we all learned something today. or at least i did)

OHHH, okay, the glasses one is langly. that name is familiar, actually. i appreciate how they are purposefully announcing the names for people like me. langly declares that this a toughie, and will take a moment to hack into. 

OMG!! the doctor treating scully’s cancer works at this research facility they're breaking into!!! I KNEW WE COULDN’T TRUST THAT MFER. i am innately suspicious of doctors. and langly gets them into the building. 

mulder tasks byers to GO TELL SCULLY TO STOP TREATMENT NOW because this scanlon fellow is a LIAR!!!!

(imagine how that went down...)

scully is writing to him again….. penny has taken downturn. “mulder, i feel you close, though i know you are now pursuing your own path” <-GIRL HE’S BREAKING AND ENTERING FOR YOU!!! THE PATHS YOU WALK ARE NOT SO FAR APART!!

“i need to know you’re out there if i am ever to see through this” oh my god….. he gives her hope to keep going…. something to fight for…

mulder is getting lost on the video feed while byers tries to make an escape…. but the cops are approaching!!!!!

he finds a door and slams on it… and who is inside but MULTIPLE KURT DUPES!!! the damn aliens!!!!!!

they welcome mulder in by name. he puts together that they are hybirds, and they beckon him in so they can explain in further detail.

there’s a creature in a tank i don’t much care for. okay. actually many many creatures in tanks. 

the kurts are saying they are trying to subvert the project that created “us”. OH! mulder sees into the tank and it’s the same shape of the boy he saw up in canada with his fake sister!!! so they are the end results… and they want the same thing he does??? i guess. 

he takes them to a room filled with “human ova”. including one from betsy. oh no… oh god… yes, they took it during her abduction, and from all the women they abducted, including scully. i don’t want to think about what “super ovulation” means. but mulder is shocked. imagine him having to explain to scully that he held her ova in his hands. and the procedure that leaves them barren (!!!) also gives them the cancer.

(frantically opens the wikipedia article for human ovaries before realizing i can figure out the details later)

this clearly has implications for their family planning chats. god, is he gonna be the one to tell her that she can't have children....?

but the kurts are trying to save them!!! because these women are their mothers!!!!

so, do we believe the kurts?? i'm not sure. if we know there are a bunch, does that mean the hacker kurt from earlier could actually be a good guy? or was he really the bounty hunter working on further nefarious actions?

bro straight up pocketed her ova. he’s a real one for that. do they have to be cold or something?? luckily, i have never had to ask these questions.

byers is currently dodging the cops, and the guy that killed OG kurt is now looking for some violence. 

NO…. mystery man is shooting at mulder!!!! the glass is bulletproof but it stopped being so after like 3 clips.

luckily the boys provide him an escape JUST IN TIME. shoutout to the lone gunmen fr.

he runs back to allentown and doesn’t find scully in her bed!!! but he finds her journal with the letters she had been writing to mulder. oh, he reads them....

where is scully?????? she’s with penny. penny is dying. she tells her that dr. scanlon isn’t coming back. and penny says that she’s been such a comfort, and to not give up hope. scully begins to cry.

mulder is sitting in a hospital chair at 5 am, falling asleep outside the room. finally, scully leaves penny’s room, crying. 

he confesses to reading some of what she wrote…. but she says he didn’t want her to read that. and that she has decided she’s not going to let this thing beat her. she looks so tired…. so sick…. 

was scalon killing these women in the name of the secret alien project? “that will be proven if we find him” “when we find him” OUGHHH 

she says she has things to finish, to prove to herself and her family. and he’s smiling at her. a real smile. telling her to come on back. 

ohhhh and they’re hugging. he’s tucking her head under his chin and rubbing her shoulder.

“the truth will save you, scully. i think it’ll save both of us” <-OHHHHHHHH MY GOD I AM GOING TO RIP AND TEAR AND YELL AND SCREAM AND HOLLER!!!

WAIT OH MY GOD I WAS SCREAMING BEFORE BUT THEN HE SO GENTLY TURNS HER AND KISSES HER FOREHEAD……. shut up. it’s so tender it’s so terribly tender. 

(a day later and i am still fixated on this. how terribly terribly gentle he is with her. it reminds me of how he held her face during beyond the sea, which, prior to this, was one of my favorite moments ever, and now i have TWO of them. he loves her so deeply in every sense of the word. and she loves him, deciding to keep fighting, to draw strength from him but also to honor herself, to achieve the things she has always meant to do, because she knows that she is worth fighting for)

finally they let go, and as she walks down the hall, he pulls out her ova from his pocket…. i’m so torn because my heart is still absolutely torn in half from how gentle that moment just was, but i’m also sitting here thinking… dude, do we need to get that into a freezer or something??

skinner answers the phone- at 5:30 AM! mulder says he was going to leave a voicemail and is shocked to hear him. mulder thanks him for his advice, and says it was wise to steer clear of CSM. they have to find out what he knows, but they need another way. skinner says there’s always another way, but as the camera moves, we see the room filled with smoke and a hand holding a cigarette…

he says “yes i believe there is, if you’re willing to pay the price” SKINNER BE CAREFUL I’M SCARED

do you think the writers purposefully associated cigarettes with the sleaziest and most awful character in order to get the children to stop smoking….?

end episode.

okay. i have so many thoughts. let’s start: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWAAAAAAAHHHHGGGGGGGGGGWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH

okay. that could have gone on for longer, but i’m going to compose myself. 

scully… my poor sweet scully, writing about her own death to mulder……… how helpless and resigned and furious she felt, yet still tried to be strong for her mother and for him…. how she decided to come back to work despite what she is going through…. the grief of mourning yourself and those around you mourning you… she looked so sick and exhausted, her terrible nightmares, being unable to accept what happened to her, holding penny close only to lose her too…. the incredible strength it takes her to decide to get back to work and keep fighting when everything hurts and the odds are so slim… god scully you really have suffered so terribly…. turning back from narrating her life in the past tense to the present tense…. it was very very very powerful

and mulder never for a single second ever stopping. how he completely refused to believe that anything was impossible. his smile when he brought the flowers to her in the hospital, the way his face fell when he realized what was going on, but refused to believe that anything could take her from him. the way he kept his voice even in the conversation in the hall. how he brought her the things from the car, how he barreled into her room when she wasn’t there, reading her journal in terror, how he smiled and held her, ran his fingers through her hair, gently kissed her forehead. how he took her ova, which sounds so crazy out of context, but in context it’s soul-crushing. he grabbed it for her. kept them in his pocket as she decided to keep fighting. a conversation for another day.

and skinner making deals with the devil, but only by himself, never even thinking to let mulder do it….

so where do we go from here?

if the treatment from dr. scanlon was making the patients worse, that immediate obstacle has now been removed. but that doesn’t fix the cancer itself. is skinner going to have to bargain with CSM? whatever CSM wants, it clearly isn’t money- so what could skinner even give him? my guess would be deactivating the x files in exchange for what will save scully, or maybe firing mulder entirely to keep him off of the trail of his nefarious alien deeds. or perhaps something even more evil, like access to one of those mars rocks with the oil aliens in them, or maybe someone important assassinated, maybe a coup in the syndicate (is that what their little UN alien groupchat is called? i saw it when i looked something up once).

man, skinner’s role in this was brief but substantial. what is he going to do? what sort of deal is he willing to make? i really really need to get into exploring the dynamic between the three of them more. it’s fascinating. how he won’t let mulder make the deal, but he’ll do it himself… he must really care for them a lot more than he lets on. 

oh my god. scully is gonna keep fighting…. <3

i really, really loved this episode. in fact, i’m positive that it will dethrone the blessing way and take that episode’s place in the top 15. this is an IMMENSE compliment. i still laughed a little despite the soul crushing sorrow, which i think is a sign of masterful writing.

i think this episode really really understood mulder and scully as characters. mulder with his need to chase to the ends of the earth to find the Truth, his need to put a smile on her face, his tenderness when it comes down to it, and scully with her bravery, attempting to keep herself strong for others while grappling with the metaphysical implications of dying, rejecting that conclusion after her own soul searching, and despite being busy with wrapping her head around this devastating news, she was still taking the time to bring comfort to penny. the complimentary needs to Protect and to Heal between them. it’s always going to get me.

you know that post i made about either jumping up and down or throwing my laptop in a river over their dynamic? THIS is jump up and down territory, baby.

i have a feeling that what comes next will not be easy, but i hope it brings great truth, and a delicate balance of love and angst. 

i’m curious to know what people think of how scully’s diagnosis is depicted. i’m sure we’re going to get more into it so i don’t want to jump the gun yet, but i’d be interested to know if her depiction gave a sense of visibility to people dealing with cancer, or if they think the episode/arc as a whole missed the mark. is it empowering to see someone make the conscious effort to keep fighting? is it offensive to think of cancer as something given to you by secret government plot? or was it such a relief to see someone going through the same thing as you no matter if it’s origins were more exotic than in life? where will they go from here in terms of how she handles it? 

i’d be really interested to read how people with cancer view her story. i’m sure someone out there has written on it; i’ll have to take a look someday when i’m not dodging spoilers.

the other thing i'm wondering about is the reaction to the alien breeding program reveal. it definitely speaks to the concerns over bodily autonomy and reproductive injustice that are increasingly relevant issues. i don't think it is supposed to make me feel comfortable, but it definitely succeeded at making me feel uncomfortable, if you catch my drift. something about those women being violated and losing all agency over themselves as a plot point rubs me the wrong way. and i think it is supposed to, but i'm not sure to what extent. idk, you just wouldn't see that happening to mulder's character, you know? it wouldn't be his bodily autonomy violated. it's as if we're so used to it happening to women in real life that it can easily become a plot point in science fiction, as if that just comes with the gendered baggage of being alive when you have ovaries-sometimes the aliens will harvest them. how does that speak on the way these writers see women as a whole? i'm unsure. but we have time to think it over.

my heart is a bit battered and bruised to see scully suffering so, but it is healing in knowing that they will have each other, and a renewed commitment to keep chasing the truth. and i am gonna go like idk claw at a pillow now to cope.

and then they all lived happily ever after. amen.

[thefirst3chapters]

There is so much going on with the parallels in this gifset (Rory and Jess's first kiss and Jess's infamous "I love you"). This got long so it's under the cut.

Both of these scenes happen after Rory or Jess's parent(s) announce a new relationship: For Rory, she just talked with Christopher and is happy about the prospect of her parents being together. This family reunion is seconds away from being over, but Rory is hopeful that it will last. For Jess, he just met TJ, was not impressed, and does not want to be a part of the situation at all. He is jaded from seeing Liz repeatedly getting involved in destructive relationships and is frustrated that Luke thinks they can change her mind. It is interesting that both Rory and Jess's history of abandonment is highlighted as they abandon each other. (Similar to how Jimmy showed up and ran out on Jess in the same episode that Jess left.)

Both of these scenes happen at an event that commemorates love: The kiss is at Sookie and Jackson's wedding, and the "I love you" is at the Firelight Festival, which celebrates a star-crossed love story from Stars Hollow's history. The wedding is joyful and marks a beginning while the festival has a more bittersweet undertone. This holiday is when Dean breaks up with Rory in S1 and when Rory is heartbroken by Logan's disinterest in S5, but the scene with Jess is the only one of the three that happens at the festival itself. (Rory really can't catch a break with this holiday.)

Both of these scenes have surrounding events that contrast their aesthetic: The scenery of Rory and Jess's first kiss is of course beautiful and is fit for an Austen-esque drama. It's springtime, and Rory and Jess are both wearing blue. The beauty is undercut by the impending Lorelai/Christopher fallout, Rory’s inner turmoil and disloyalty to Dean, and Jess’s pain as he moved back for Rory only to see her run away; the seeds of communication problems and abandonment that will plague their relationship have been sown among the blossoming flowers. The "I love you" scene happens on a cold, dark winter night. Rory and Jess are both wearing neutral colors, and it's clear from their facial expressions that despite what they both told Lorelai, they are emotionally torn up by their estrangement. The darkness is undercut by the Firelight Festival’s faith that love will eventually conquer its obstacles; among the twinkle lights, Luke and Lorelai find each other (it’s not their time, yet) and Liz tells Luke she is hopeful that Jess will be okay and TJ will be a good partner for her (the rest of the show proves that this faith was well-placed). Rory and Jess's obstacles of failed communication and abandonment remain, but so does hope.

Rory and Jess respectively reveal what they did to their parental figure when they return to town months later. The aesthetic contrast is interesting. Lorelai and Rory have this conversation in public and in broad daylight. Lorelai and Rory's "default setting" is being best friends, but this is something significant that Rory kept from her. Lorelai, who is still upset over what happened with Christopher, tells Rory that the situation isn't fair to Dean but ends up focusing more on Dean's feelings than anything else. Luke and Jess have this conversation alone and in the dark. It's their breakthrough moment where they realize how much they really care about each other, and Jess divulging something so personal is a big deal. Luke just had the revelation that he loves Lorelai, and his advice is more focused on trying to help Jess. The dialogue is so similar:

Lorelai and Rory in S3 E1: "Well, I thought it was over. I mean, you haven't talked with him since..." / "Sookie's wedding." / .... / "Okay, so he crashed Sookie's wedding, and..." / "And nothing. He told me he was back in town, that he'd moved back, and..." / "What, Rory? Come on." / "And we kissed, okay?"

Luke and Jess in S4 E21: "No. Rory, still? That's ancient history. You haven't seen her in a year." / "I saw her when I was here a few months ago." / "I didn't know that. So, what happened?" / "Nothing... I told her, uh..." / "What?" / "I told her I loved her."

Both of these reunions bookend a third Literati reunion (of sorts) at the End of Summer Madness Festival: In S3 E1, Rory just told Lorelai that she is joining her in not speaking with Christopher, which contrasts her talking with him at the wedding. Rory was surprised to find Jess under a tree at the wedding, and here she is surprised to find him under a tree kissing Shane. The setting here is also a stark contrast to the other two scenes. It is late summer, the music is loud and irritating, red is a prominent color, and lots of people are present. The body language of Jess and Rory's first kiss was so affectionate, but Jess and Shane appear far less emotionally invested. These contrasts all enrich the comparison of Rory’s clandestine enchantment at the wedding to her disappointed jealousy at the summer festival.

Looking at all three of these scenes together, there is this poetic sequence of Rory and Jess's relationship from a beautiful spring day to an overbearing summer afternoon to a bleak (but not entirely so) winter night, and it's really compelling.

It is notable that all three of these reunions happen outside, and so do a lot of their other scenes together. The idea that Rory and Jess find freedom to be themselves when they are together is brought up often, and the fact that so many of their scenes are outside could be reflective of that. Being outside gives them space to breathe and grow away from the confines of what other people expect of them, but it also leaves them more exposed to the elements and more at risk of being left out in the cold, which makes vulnerability frightening for both of them. They don't quite have the emotional skills to weather those challenges (yet).

[amnesiaskulls]

hehe

tell me about your favorite part of your rewrite:)

ouwggh uhhhh

Ok so you never specified if it had to be angst or not and i live for angst so 😁😁😁

basically my fav angsty part is just all of garrance seasons 4.5-6. Things are finally starting to go normal again and they can finally just be together ( in mine, they didnt get together until season 3 because gar was gone s2 and he was also after aph in s1 (kinda) so they didnt get together until 3 when things died down and they talked to each other), because with s4 garroth was away getting traumatized and laurance was doing whatever with the house to himself (he made a lot of jokes about finally getting some peace and quiet, funny how that works) so during aphs year they mostly just got to be garroth and laurance and do what they could to help aph and for each other.

then garroth and zane tell laurance about the starlight plans, and he understands why he isnt going with, because he wasnt with the lodge gang when aaron got into the “accident” (he “gets hit by a car” or something in mine! It makes a lot more sense!) and he knows that still some of the block will still stay behind, like travis, dante, katelyn, and kawaii-chan. Then a couple days after they all leave on a “camping trip” (the cover up), travis tells laurance and dante that him and katelyn are going on vacation to starlight (no one told them because none of their housemates were involved, laurance got to know so that he would know they would be gone for a while) and laurance just assumes they were apart of the original party and thinks nothing of it, and all of the people left on the block just thing kc went with on the “camping trip”

they leave, leaving dante and laurance on the block by themselves (and the sk’s, but laurance is not about to go over there to just hang out) so they hang out with each other for a while, laurance stays in contact with garroth and they call every night before laurance goes to bed (timezones), and text a lot during the day about updates and just whatever, garroth texts him one day that for some reason travis and katelyn were there and laurance is just like “oh i thought you knew about that” and garroth is dumbfounded

then one day, right before they were set to move to starlight wonderland, garroth had been texting him about being ecstatic for a big dinner and was in the middle of texting him when he just stopped responding. Laurance thought nothing of it, they probably just got to the place and needed to be seated or were eating, and went about his day. Then later, when he was about to go to bed, he decided to call garroth, part of the routine that they had established was to call before laurance went to bed. He calls but no response, thinks “well thats weird, usually he picks up immediately” and tries again, still to no avail.

he’s a bit worried but just assumes that he was tired after the party and took a nap. Then a couple minutes later, he gets a call from garroth. he answers and listens for a second to let garroth speak first, but the voice on the other end isnt garroth, it’s zianna, and she sounds like she just got finished crying. She asks “who is this?” (Garroth did not in fact put laurance in his phone as laurance, but something else stupid like orphan idk) and laurance responds with his name and asks her whats wrong and is garroth ok? She just starts to apologize to him saying that shes sorry for crying and sorry for not telling him sooner, while laurance is gripping the covers of his bed waiting for her to actually tell him what happened.

she tells him that garroth got into a major accident and has a very slim chance of living, all while starting to cry again. Laurance is in shock for a sec and just asks her if shes kidding even though she very obviously isnt. He goes quiet for a moment while his brain goes a million miles an hour trying to comprehend what shes saying. He starts to tear up and asks if he can talk to garroth, but zianna tells him that he’s resting. She tells him sorry and that she has to go, and that she’ll keep him updated, and hangs up. Hes left crying in his bed, trying to piece everything together with the very vague info zianna gave him.

he cant stand being alone in that moment, so he goes to dantes house for comfort and to tell him what happened, even though its about 11:30 atp, and dante goes to bed around 10. He rings the doorbell and after a bit, a very sleepy dante answers the door to face a very disheveled laurance, who has been crying for the past 20 minutes unable to calm down. Dante doesnt ask and just lets him in and gives him a big hug (they are bros). After sitting him on the couch with a cup of milk and some blankets and tissues he asks what happened, and laurance tells him everything he knows.

dante is crushed, and they sit and cry and hug until they both fall asleep. Laurance somehow still wakes up earlier then dante o’ clock and makes the both of them some shitty toast with butter (not peanut butter, dantes allergic) and turns on something to watch while he wakes up dante. They eat in comfy silence and just have a chill and cry sort of a day.

ok yea thats all i have for you right now and i didnr even get to season 6 😁😁😁

tune in next time for another AGHUUUGGHH

[thisapplepielife]

Written for a @astrangersummer.

Imagine the Stars

Week #5 Prompt: Constellations | Word Count: 680 | Rating: T | POV: Max | Pairings: None | Characters: Max | CW: Canon Injuries, Recovering After Vecna | Tags: Post S4, Max Thinking About the Stars, A Bit Melancholy, But No Infinite Sadness

Max sprawls in the grass, and closes her eyes. Not that it matters. Dark is dark. It just feels less overwhelming when her eyes are closed. Like things are still the same, even if they really aren't. Not at all. 

It's all just noise at his point: the doctors, the specialists, all saying that she might get her sight back, or at least some of it. But they don't seem sure, are only guessing, she knows that, and she's not betting on anything right now. 

Because they don't know, can't know, how it actually happened. So, finding a treatment might be impossible. It's probably pretty damn hard to fix magical wounds by mortal means.

But it's fine. Whatever. It kind of has to be, since she doesn't really have a say in the matter. She's gotten used to it. The sunglasses and the cane. The constant babying by all her friends. Steve Harrington hovering, mothering, worse than ever before. 

She's not alone. Almost never is. But she sure feels isolated a lot of the time.

Lucas reads to her, but it's not the same. She wants to hold the book in her own hands, let her eyes skim across the text, taking in, or ignoring, as much as her brain is in the mood for at the moment.

El paints her nails, but Max can't see the shock of color, so does it even matter? She gets no joy out of it, not really, but she thinks El does, so she lets her continue. Because it hurts nothing.

They're all laughing off in the distance right now, and she can pick out all of their voices, imagining them just as they were the last time she'd seen them all.

The last time she'd seen anything at all.

She needs to think about something else. Something more manageable. 

The grass. The grass under her is soft and almost cool, and she stretches her arms out, grasping two fistfuls of earth, squeezing. And she feels grounded. Centered, once again.

It's daylight. Mid-afternoon, with the sun beating down overhead. But to her, it could be night. The sky could be the clearest blue, or the darkest red. 

She believes it to be the bluest of blues, these days.

But in her own private cover of darkness, she can also picture the night sky. The same inky, dark blue-black sky that her dad used to point out the constellations in, looking overhead, when she was a little girl. Him, giving their names, their shapes, tracing the paths in which she was supposed to be able to see them. 

Max would look, would study the stars, and while she could find the Big Dipper, that was about it. Could see the double stars that make up the second point in the handle. Could trace the outline of the whole constellation with her finger.

But more often than not for the others, though, she'd just pretend to see what he so easily could. Her dad knew them all, and always told her she'd be able to see them too, when she was older. Now she's older, and she most definitely can't. 

And she may never be able to, not now.

So, she does the next best thing. She pictures the handle of the Big Dipper, counting the stars until in her mind's eye she can see little lines tracing around the stars, stitching them together into something bigger. Something different. All the parts connecting themselves together, making up a bigger whole. 

She did that, too, she knows. In that attic. She sealed her own fate for the greater good. 

And she'd do it again, even if she wouldn't be happy about it. 

They killed Vecna. Not immediately. Not until after there were victims, and damages that may never be undone.

But they're free of that terror, now. Hawkins, and hopefully, the whole goddamn world. 

The world is blue, not red.

And because her friends finished what they started, it's safe for her to lay in the grass, soaking up the sun, while she imagines the stars.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @astrangersummer and follow along with the fun! 🌌

[ineffably-human]

Today in 'Shadows things hundreds of people have decided are true that I really don't understand at all,' we have... [spins wheel]

'Nandor's seasons-long burning desire to become human' - everyone here knows what a cult is, right?

Like at its most cliche, we understand how cult leaders work in fiction, at least? They say 'hey, dude, you seem very lost and in despair. Good thing I know a secret key to Paradise nobody else does, and I alone am equipped to get you there, and also I understand you better than anyone else in the outside world ever will.'

Nandor came to Jan in an existential crisis with no idea of what would help him, and left convinced that becoming human would do the trick. (This is because Jan is good at her evil job.) He dove into that belief because he was diving into a cult and that's what they do. He felt that vampirism was a curse because he was in the middle of a huge emotional crisis, and his new way out of that crisis was telling him vampirism is a bad thing that is causing his problems (instead of loneliness, a poorly fitting job, sudden changes in his close servant-friend, existential stuff humans go through as well...)

When he's out of that crisis, he never mentions becoming human again. He never mentions feeling cursed by vampirism again. In fact: he visits his homeland where everyone else became vampires, and decides that if everyone else is a vampire there's nothing special about being a vampire. (Read: in normal circumstances, with the chance to feed his ego, he feels special being a vampire.) In fact: when given fifty-two wishes that we see him use on his body multiple times, he doesn't use them to be human, or to do any human things.

I can see why, in the throes of S3, you could pin some of his backstory onto the Jan thing and see it as Nandor resenting being turned. Nandor is the one who lost more than he gained being a vampire, in terms of his glory days etc. We know nothing about how it happened or if he wanted it. The first time he tells it, all his wives left him because he suddenly changed into this dangerous unpredictable monster.

But the second time we hear it, in s4, it's implied that when he became a vampire he suddenly abandoned them all? (It's pretty vague tbh.) Also it's made extremely clear he was a terrible husband to start with. If the thing with razing Antipaxos doesn't tell you enough, his behavior in s4 seals it in: the peak of Nandor's human life was as a violent, insecure bully, who took everything he even imagined he wanted and never slowed down enough to understand how empty he felt.

Being a vampire gave Nandor time and space to think about parts of life he'd never have considered when he was alive. The losses he felt allowed him to be more patient and more sober. He enjoys fighting and violence now, but he seems to think about honor and mercy just as much. You could argue that Nandor's main personal arc - his 'I'm okay, you're okay' if you will - is accepting the person he is now over the person he used to be. Think of how much more natural his leadership was this season rallying the vampires in a crisis, instead of the forced protocols and rituals of the earlier seasons.

I don't think that someone with one foot in a world that literally doesn't exist anymore, who has trouble talking to most people outside the house and loves to watch familiars fight to the death, would be happy as a human. I think he'd work a day or get a single summer cold, and beg Laszlo to turn him again, actually.

(I don't think he and Guillermo would have a great relationship if they were both human, either - these are people who bond over knight-vassal courtly love vibes and trying to kill each other. What can life as a mortal couple possibly offer to fulfill them?)

But all of that is speculation. Here's what isn't: Nandor wants to be a human for a single episode of the show. It is not a richly established part of his character. If we're talking pure facts, it's a thing that happened that one time, and has never been spoken of again.

[basmathgirl]

Hi!

Due to personal reasons I wasn’t able to watch the 60th DW anniversary episodes when they aired. But now I’m caught up on everything and I have some thoughts and questions(?) about the Doctor and Donna’s famous platonic relationship.

And I think I need a bit of clarification first. Everyone likes to talk about their friendship, their platonic relationship, about them being platonic soulmates… And yes that is true, especially after the 60th anniversary. However I always assumed, when they met the second time (s4e1), Donna tried to find the Doctor, not just because she wanted to go on an adventure, but also because she was somewhat attracted to him as well.???

But I guess I read her character and the situation in e1 of s4 completely wrong, because I used to think her saying that he is an alien streak of nothing and she would never consider him in a romantic manner, especially in the moment immediately after him stating he just wants a friend, was more a way to protect herself and her feelings than anything else.

Don’t get me wrong I love their friendship and I’m glad she didn’t pine for him like some other companions did. But saying it was platonic from the very start for both of them always seemed wrong to me.?🤔

As I mentioned I just finished watching the anniversary episodes and although I loooved them, a part of me is a tiny bit annoyed that the fandom (not the DW fandom overall, but the Donna x Doctor fans) readily embraced the “they are just friends” scenario. I mean in truth there is nothing to complain about really, we got a happy ending and I never expected them to become canon in the first place. (The Doctor rarely has real romantic relationships in canon anyway, except when he does...🙄) But even people who shipped them before, are now just basking in this platonic setting they presented us, and push the Donna x Doctor idea away. At least it seems like this to me.

And I know their relationship is super special nonetheless. They are soulmates! But I guess I wanted more for Donna... She always seemed like a very passionate person. Someone who deserved something special in every area of her life. Someone who would have or would want to have passion, something special and meaningful when it comes to their love life as well. And her relationship with Shaun just doesn’t look like it is something like this. But of course we only witnessed a small part of their life and they are already married for 15 years. Plus relationships don’t have to be loud, dramatic and flashy to be happy and fulfilled. But the words Donna used to talk about Shaun and their marriage are somewhat telling in my opinion. Moreover I would dare to argue that it is very obvious that he loves her a lot more than she loves him…

I just know if they had set up the relationship between the Doctor and Donna differently from the very beginning, gave it more room for interpretation, this whole arc, where they are separated for over a decade and then found each other again could have been a great love story. I mean it is, a great love story, but you know what I’m getting at.

In the end it is probably the best to remind myself that DW isn’t about sappy love stories anyway...🤷‍♀️

Sorry you didn’t get to watch the 60th specials until recently, as there’s always a buzz to watching stuff sort of along with other people.

Ah, the ‘platonic relationship’ that many non-shippers refer to; which is their right to do so, but you won’t find me thinking that way. Donna was not immune to the Doctor’s looks, she just chose to ignore the issue. After all, why did she react with a knee-jerk panic when he mentioned wanting a mate? It certainly hit a nerve, caused by past experience, or secretly liking the look of him. “They fell for each other” David Tennant said about the Doctor and Donna at the end of The Runaway Bride so it is perfectly valid to assume she wasn’t just seeking a quick trip in the TARDIS when she sought him out. I mean, a whole year? For someone you aren’t attracted to? That’s a long time to look for someone you’re just after a job/experience from.

She called him a long streak of nothing to stop him thinking she fancied him, because she didn’t want to embarrass herself by being rejected. She wanted a meaningful relationship, not a quick bunk up.

During the 50th anniversary celebrations, they interviewed some of the past Doctors about how they felt about the romantic angle that occurs in nu!Who. Apart from the general disgust romance was included, Peter Davison said an interesting thing. He felt certain that, if Donna had been given another series with the Doctor, they’d have ended up in a physical non-platonic relationship (shall we say). But DT did state once that the Doctor is asexual, so take from that what you will.

The biggest obstacle for TenxDonna shippers where the Fourteenth Doctor is concerned is Shaun Temple. Do you condone  adultery and ship them, kick Shaun out of the way somehow, or leave them as platonic best friends? It’s a conundrum, but most of the shippers I know have decided the marriage between Donna and Shaun had ended long ago and they are hanging on to their tepid relationship by the skin of their teeth, just because of Rose Temple. In RL this would be true; so I’m perfectly happy to go along with it.

I completely agree with you: Shaun loves Donna a lot more than she loves him. You don’t describe your husband as merely ‘nice’; and she only said “I love you” to his face to get him to take Rose to safety. As Wilf said in the café, she was making do, and her chat with Sylvia about missing someone underlines that fact.

RTD wrote The Runaway Bride as a romcom gone wrong. There are even aspects of that in Partners In Crime. The companion in S4 was supposed to be the love of the Doctor’s lives; and when CT was cast that plan was ditched and Rose Tyler was promoted into that spot, for a while. Hmm. Makes you think, eh? Because all that has been sort of reversed thanks to the 60th anniversary specials. Their reunion could have been a great love story, but under the supervision of RTD it was never going to be that, let’s be honest here. He has always had an ulterior agenda to shoehorn Rose into everything, and he managed it through the metacrisis resolution.

Just remind yourself, love, that although Doctor Who has never been about sappy love stories (can’t upset the watching sexist dads, can we), the fanfiction has ALWAYS been dominated by sappy love stories; and long may it continue to do so! 😉☺️

[imminent-danger-came]

Possible thought about Qi Xiaotian in relation to the fact that he and broken memories make similar sounds- he is a memory.

A memory of Sun Wukong given life. Here's my evidence:

While he did come from a stone egg, we never actually see that egg in reality, just in the memory scroll.

One of Wukong's most used powers is shape-shifting, and that is still used. But Wukong has a long history of shifting into human guises, and we never see him do that- Macaque does it, changing both into Xiaotian in his debut episode and the puppet master. It may be possible that Wukong hasn't done that in the present because he doesn't need to, but there's not even a mention of it in glimpses at the past

All the mirror parallels between Xiaotian and Wukong

And that's my only pieces of evidence. My other theory is that it's a side effect of having his monkey woken up inside the scroll when you probably should have done that anywhere else.

(Post anon is referencing!)

So, I think it's pretty clear by this point that MK is connected the scroll is some shape and form. Both times he enters the scroll, it emanates from him (which MK distinctly notices the second time):

(4x02 Familiar Tales)

-

(4x11 A Lifetime of Mistakes)

-

In s4, we also have the gang embody/meet their past counterparts: Tang becomes Tripitaka, Pigsy becomes Zhu Ganglie, Sandy becomes Sha Wujing, and Mei meets Ao Lie, but MK....MK meets the curse. That's the reflection of himself he comes across.

In 4x02, this is how Azure describes the scroll/curse:

Azure Lion: "[The scroll of memory is] a prison, designed to contain wicked souls, forcing them to relive their past misdeeds over and over again, for all eternity. In order to contain it's prisoners, a powerful protective curse was cast upon the scroll to prevent those in prison from escaping, and ensnare any who would seek to free those locked inside, trapping them forever. Left unchecked, that curse would have spread, consuming everything until nothing remained."

So, the scroll/curse forces you to re-experience memories, but for MK it tries to encourage him to give into Chaos and pushes him to the brink to reveal his Monkey Identity.

MK is a reflection/mirror of Wukong, yes, but there's also this other aspect to him we've never quite touched on. His eyes go blue on occasion, he interacts strangely with the Lady Bone Demon's powers, he seems to be associated with memory (LBD's og plan was to "undo" the memories of the world, and to use MK to do it).

MK being a warped memory of Wukong isn't necessarily off the table, but I do lean against it because of this scene:

This is what Scroll Subodhi asks MK to "remember" about his childhood. It's a memory that's linked to his creation, in some way.

And right now, I'd posit that MK is part underworld/scroll/memory, and part Wukong/the stone.

Wukong wasn't able to defeat the Jade Empeor, he says so himself (and so does the plot lol):

Sun Wukong: "But don't worry—I almost beat the Jade Emperor single handed once!" (4x12 The Plan Man)

But then soon after, Wukong makes this claim:

MK: "Ne Zha's right—while Azure has the Jade Emperor's power and the scroll, there's NO way we could beat him head on!" Sun Wukong: "I mean, some of us could beat him! *ahem* One of us, specifically-" MK: "Nope! None of us at all."

(4x12 The Plan Man)

-

Wukong isn't talking about himself here. He's talking about MK, and how MK could beat the Jade Emperor single handed. MK then quickly denies it, wanting to ignore this part of himself. Then in 3x13 MK pushes Azure to his absolute limits, causing Azure to go berserk and almost destroy everything. Had MK not been thrown out of his Monkey Form, I have no doubt that he really could have defeated the Jade Emperor—which makes him terrifyingly more powerful than Wukong.

One of my biggest questions pre-s4 was how MK got his powers, and why exactly he was so strong (particularly when facing the Samadhi Fire, something that's world-ending). Monkey Form explains some things, but we haven't gotten to the real meat of MK's origins yet, which I'm excited for.

[inkheartedwanderer]

please, let me get what i want || e.m.

(lord knows it would be the first time) 

in which the wounds of the heart hurt more than those of the flesh, but they’re easier to fix

based on this song

eddie x reader.

content: post S4 (super minor spoilers), eddie survives, mentions of death and blood, this is mostly eddie’s headspace, i guess? pining, jealousy and insecurities. i just really want to give this guy a hug.

word count: 3k

Eddie Munson doesn’t consider himself a religious person. He’s dealt with too much shit in his short life to really care about whether there’s a higher power somewhere in the universe or not. If anything, he’d say he’s always been left to his own devices, so fuck whoever’s supposed to be looking after him. Theological matters are not something he’s ever been particularly concerned about, anyways. 

Having spent the last ten days bound to a hospital bed, however, Eddie’s had plenty of time to reflect on his pathetic existence and the string of unfortunate events that have led him to this situation. In these ten days, he’s thought about his parents more often than he has in the last ten years -his father leaving for good after being in and out of prison for months, his mother’s untimely passing when he was too young to understand she was never coming back, and the sharp pain that floods his chest if he dwells on the thought of them for too long. He’s thought about Wayne, constantly taking extra shifts at the plant so he could put food on the table, and how he’s repaid him by failing senior year once, and then a second time. A triple-senior loser drug dealer, always being too much -too loud, too weird, too freakish-, but never enough. Not attractive enough, not smart enough, definitely not rich enough.

He’s also thought about death, and how closely he tasted it. The harrowing tangibility of his own mortality, sticking to his skin until he was coated in it, until he couldn’t breathe, washing over him like a tidal wave. He’s thought about Chrissy, and Patrick, and Nancy’s friend Fred, who weren’t as lucky as him. About how scared he was when Dustin found him, choking on his own blood, scared of dying, of dying alone, scared of what was waiting for him, scared that he wasn’t seeing any holy light amidst the darkness and he was supposed to, right? 

And all he feels right now is guilt, because he’s thought about all of that and still, the main object of his musings the last ten days has been you. That’s why he’s considering that surely there must be some kind of deity, that there must be a heaven somewhere, because you’re an angel.

Soft in the way you speak and in the way you move, delicate when you touch him, Eddie still can’t believe that you’re not a figment of his imagination. In this aseptic limbo, the best part of his dreary days is getting to spend time with you. You, sweet as sugar, lovely as can be, arriving with the early morning light and leaving at nightfall when someone else forces you to go home and get some rest. 

You didn’t even have it in you to pretend to be mad at him when he woke up, disoriented and confused, covered in bandages, every inch of his body sore and in pain. “You scared me half to death, Munson,” you’d said, looking at him through teary lashes, “don’t ever go playing the hero again, please.” It was a whispered imploration, so gently spoken that he could only nod his head yes.

He’d do anything you asked him to.

Ever since he met you, there’s a strange new feeling nestled in the pit of his stomach, or maybe just above, by his heart, and Eddie can’t quite put a name to it, can’t make sense of it, because he didn’t know who you were two weeks ago.

The feeling is warm and light, a comfortable weight in his chest that blooms in flowers and vibrates through his bones when you walk in the room, when you sit by his side and quietly start talking to him. About nothing, about everything -news about Max, who’s doing better by the day; a book or movie or song you like and think Eddie will enjoy too, the puppy that came up to you that morning on your way to the hospital-, whatever crosses your mind is good. And he listens willingly. He likes hearing your voice and its cadence, he likes how everything you say seems deliberate and how your smile shines through your words.

He felt it first in the cold, humid boathouse, as you sat side by side on the wooden floor for two days, your leg pressed against his and both of you scared to death. Eddie found solace in your company, in how you chose to stay with him even though you had, quite literally, just met him.

“We’re not leaving him here alone, Steve.” You’d said, an unexpected determination settling in the frown between your eyebrows.

And you didn’t, even though Steve tried to dissuade you and Max and Robin shared a worried look. You stayed, and told him things would be alright. You sat down next to him and let him hurt in silence when he needed to, and vent when his thoughts became too much. 

You stayed, you sat and you listened to him without judgement, and suddenly you were looking out the window as the sun set outside, and your face was painted in shades of gold and lilac and Eddie had never seen anything quite as beautiful as you.

Minutes blended into hours and lighthearted comments turned into lengthy conversations inside that boathouse. In the rare times Eddie felt safe enough to let his guard down, his usual playful demeanour surfaced. Somehow, you found his knack for the dramatic hilarious, and countered his witty remarks with your own, good-natured and sprightly, with just the right amount of mischief to keep up with him.

The feeling blossomed in his heart and took shelter between his ribs, a nice kind of ache, one Eddie wasn’t used to, but that felt strangely familiar, as if he had been born to feel it, to find you, to know you. Damn his fantasy books and their promise of adventure and true love, and damn those metal songs for tricking him into thinking freaks like him could find the one, too.

But it grows heavy sometimes, a lead blanket that weighs him down and makes him feel vulnerable, minuscule. When his insecurities take over, it’s easy to believe the darkness that clouds his brain, his own voice humming harsh cruelties, reminding him of everything that he is -loud, weird, a freak- and everything he’s not -not enough, never enough, and not Steve fucking Harrington.

How could he ever compete if he doesn’t even compare?

Although you’ve mentioned before that Steve’s like the brother you’ve never had, it’s hard for Eddie not to read too much into the way he looks at you, or how easy it is for him to reach out and touch you, how easy it is for you to lean into it, and just how fucking much Eddie wants to be the one by your side… well, at all times.

Like right now.

It’s late. Eddie’s not sure exactly how late, but the sky outside is the colour of dark blue ink, splattered with stars, and the rusty orange glow of the streetlamps is casting shadows across the floor of his hospital room. He’s just woken up from a long nap, one of the many his body demands every day (who knew that almost dying would be so exhausting?) and the chair beside his bed is empty, your jacket draped over its back, your perfume lingering in the air.

He sighs deeply, eyes closed, sinking against the pillow. There’s an ache in his bones that doesn’t seem to go away despite all the painkillers the doctors have put him on, and it clings to him like the cold in the room. He’s tired and he’s cranky, it’s hard not to be when inhaling feels like breathing fire and he’s only allowed to get out of bed to go to the toilet; even harder when he looks out the ajar door and sees you, leaning against the wall next to Steve, eyes closed, your head on his shoulder.

The boy’s hands are respectfully tucked between his legs, and his gaze is trained on the floor. You are muttering to one another in low voices that Eddie can’t make out, but you look exhausted. Harrington, of course, looks straight out of a magazine with perfect hair and fancy clothes.

Eddie stares forlornly, eyebrows furrowed and pouting lips. He wishes more than anything to be the one to ease the worry on your face, the one you go to for support, for company, for advice. Still, the weight in his ribcage and the lump in his throat are too heavy to call your name, tell you to come and sit, tell you that he’ll let you rest your head on his shoulder and he’ll even hold your hand, ask you to please let him.

It’s a sensation he knows all too well, the bitter resentment of feeling like the second, third, last, worse choice. He’s good at pushing and pushing it down until it becomes nothing but a dark smudge at the back of his mind. This time, though, it poisons him from within until it’s all he tastes in his mouth.

And the worst part is he can’t even hate Steve. He’s been kind to Eddie. He helped him get out of the trailer park alive, he’s come to keep him company every other day, and he’s actually a pretty nice dude. Could he really blame you if you fell in love with Steve? He doesn’t believe so, but his throat constricts at the thought.

But as if you could read his mind, you open your eyes and find his gaze with yours. Suddenly, the sullen expression is gone from your face, the corners of your mouth are curving upwards and you're moving away from Steve and into the room.

"Hey, you're awake!" Your voice is soft, barely a loud whisper, and the dim light from the hall obscures your silhouette for a fraction of a second as you rush through the door and plop down on the worn-out chair by his side.

Eddie doesn’t miss the way your hand falls to rest on the bed, close to his own, twin sets of fingers twitching, tips tingling, eager for contact. He doesn’t dare move, but he looks up at you and you’re wearing the sweetest smile he’s ever seen in his life, the type of smile he’s never felt worthy of receiving.

His voice is hoarse with sleep and stuck emotions when he mutters, “Yeah, hi. You’re here.” The boy gasps when he feels the gentle touch of your fingers on the back of his hand, drawing circles and waves that ripple through his blood and tint his cheeks pink. Your smile widens, becomes softer, and your eyes mirror the look in his, shiny with unspoken affection.

“I’m gonna go see Max and then I’m out.” Steve, leaning against the rails of the bed, throws a thumb over his shoulder and nods his head at you. “You sure you don’t want me to drive you home?”

You shake your head no and tuck your hand in Eddie’s, and he swears he sees the sparks flying where his skin and yours touch. “I’m staying here tonight if that’s alright with you.” A gentle pressure of your fingers brings Eddie’s attention back to your eyes. “Is it?”

He nods, the most subtle movement, almost a blink-and-you-miss-it gesture, but enough for you to chuckle and tell your friend to go.

“Alright then,” Steve pats Eddie on the shoulder, more gently than anyone would expect from him, that fervent need to look after people shining through, so characteristically Steve, Eddie has learned, “you take care of each other, yeah? I’ll swing by tomorrow.”

And, with a soft smile, he leaves without waiting for an answer, leaving you two alone. A comfortable silence fills the room, one you’re both used to by now, as you stand and move around the space, placing your backpack on the windowsill, getting ready to spend the night by Eddie’s side. His skin still feels the ghost of your hand over his, its absence an emptiness that he yearns to fill again.

"You don't have to stay, you know that, right?" He whispers, the remnants of his jealousy still burning on his tongue, words fighting against his own willpower when he speaks next. “You should go home and get some rest. Go find Steve, go home.”

“Don’t be silly,” you reply, mirroring his tone but softer, sweeter, oozing a kindness Eddie’s not sure he’s earned. “I want to stay. Plus, I had a great nap earlier today.” 

Eddie doesn’t understand why you’re so nice to him all the time, but he’s not about to argue. He falls silent, looking up at the ceiling as you sit down, bend your arms and lean on the edge of the bed. He can feel your eyes studying his face carefully, blinking slowly, and your lips turning upwards.

“Do you remember when we were hiding in Skull Rock?” You say, sitting down and bringing your knees to your chest.

“Yeah.” Eddie frowns. The memories of his days on the run are the most unwelcome ones.

Soaked and tired, covered in mud and sticky leaves, you sat side by side under the solid protection of the rock. Eddie was trying hard not to cry, not in front of you. It would’ve been the cherry on top of the cake, and the last thing he needed was to embarrass himself further.

He leaned his head against the stone and willed himself to calm down. He then looked at you through pinched eyebrows, calling your name softly. “I’m sorry.”

You rubbed your clammy cheek with the back of your hand and shrugged. “This is not your fault, Eddie.” It hurt to see the pained expression on the boy’s brown eyes, their usual sweetness replaced by pure despair, their spark gone.

“But it is.” The boy shut his eyes tight and ran a dirty hand through his hair. It felt gross, messy and knotted. “I’m sorry that you’re stuck with me. This sucks. I’m sorry.”

A cold hand wrapped around his, pulling it away from his face, and you were looking at him with so much resolve he almost fell backwards. “Eddie, I said I’d stay with you and I meant it. And I’d do it again, alright? I’ll be damned if I let you go through this alone. Okay?”

Eddie blinked and you blinked back at him. Your next words cut through the cold air of the early dawn like a knife, an arrow straight to his heart. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

Your eyes now are softer than they were that night, but the conviction shining on them is just as firm, exuding reassurance and affection just for him, an affection you’ve never felt for anyone before but the boy in front of you earned in a matter of hours. “My word still stands.”

No, Eddie Munson is not a religious person, but later tonight, when he wakes up after a vivid nightmare, he looks at your figure, curled up on that ugly, uncomfortable chair, so close to him that he can hear your soft breathing, so close he could caress your cheek if he reached out; and then he looks at the clear dark sky behind you, and the million shiny stars that frame you, rings of diamonds with you at the centre, and then Eddie whispers a quiet prayer, a humble plea, a wish for only him and the quiet of the night to know. 

He asks for you to stay, once again, to stay as you have before, like you said you would; he pleads to keep the one good thing that's come out of this nightmare, the best thing that's happened to him in a long time, maybe ever. 

Eddie Munson calls to the gods, the ones people talk about on the street and the ones he knows from his books and his games, and he confronts them -his life is a mess, where are they, where have they been all this time- and bargains -they owe him, they owe him this one thing, this wish that's hidden like a secret in his heart-, and whispers your name like a sacred prayer, very low and very carefully, cherishing every letter, kissing them as the air leaves his lips.

And he truly thinks you can read his mind, there must be a connection between you two, because your eyes flutter open, and they gleam in the faint light that creeps under the closed door when you look at him, and your mouth curves upwards in that sweet way you save for only him.

You look so lovely, with your hair tousled and your cheeks apple pink, so sweet in your big clothes that seem to swallow you whole -in his sleepy state, it takes him a second to realise you’re wearing an old black hoodie of his-, that Eddie feels his heart skip a beat, and two and three. It’s overwhelming, really, how much he likes someone he’s just met, someone he barely knows. It’s worse when he notices you’re looking at him the way he’s looking at you.

The chair scrapes the floor when you pull it closer to his bed, and you lean your head on the uncomfortable mattress, your temple against his shoulder. Your hand travels down his arm until your fingers can wrap around his, warm and soft against his calloused digits. 

Eddie blinks back the tears that threaten to fall from his tired eyes. You’re real, and you’re there by his side, looking up at him through your lashes like he’s the only other person in the world. 

He squeezes your hand. You squeeze back. Your twin giggles break through the silence of the hospital room. Maybe for now, this is enough.

The stars outside twinkle when he looks out the window again, the words dying between his lips. Thank you.

                                                 🌷 🌷 🌷

a/n: thank you for reading if you’ve made it to the end, I hope you liked it. I had the song on repeat for hours when I started this one, and it’s both very sad and very beautiful, I had to write something. Likes, reblogs and comments are always welcome and appreciated. Much love!

[karaspal]

just wanted to say how much I love your post about brainy in supergirl! I’ve written literal essay-length posts about how I think the show did him dirty and how much potential his and Kara’s friendship/relationship had, and also rewrote all of Supergirl season 2 to have Brainy arrive instead of Mon-El so I’m 100 percent with you there.

thank you very much! :)

your s2 fic is actually one of my favorite cwsg fics. link here

i don't talk about the show a lot on this acc, but i will now use this ask to state some of my opinions that no one really asked for about karadox / kara and querl's romantic partners. it's probably going to be a bit long lol.

(disclamer, but i don't consider s6b as a part of the show. like, at all. i think it's a disgrace and an insult to all the characters/story. for me, the show ends with 6x07. period. nothing after that is canon as far as i'm concerned. i ain't touching it with a 10-foot pole. i just, i don't acknowledge it as part of the story. that shit did NOT happen. so just keep that in mind because when i'm discussing the overall story, for me, the overall story is 1x01 - 6x07.)

since this turned out to be a very long post, i divided it into sections. opinions below the cut. enjoy my bitter ramblings :)

1) querl dox and the wasted potential of his character

ngl my opinions of the show have definitely changed a lot since it ended, but to this day, i still think querl as a character, as well as karadox, are the show's biggest wasted potential. they are literally my second favorite kara ship on the show (with superdey being first and superdreamer third). they had chemestry. their personalities meshed well. they could relate to each other on a deep, personal level. i don't know what happened there. and they didn't even need to have them date each other. a strong friendship would've sufficed. kara and brainy had, like, three scenes with each other each season. and kara is the main lead. shouldn't she have a strong bond with all of her supporting cast??? it's her supporting cast, they are literally there for her. HELLO??? the show truly was scared of their chemistry.

kara has a sense of justice, so does querl. kara is a hero, so is querl. kara knows what it's like to miss your home (krypton), so does querl (the future). kara is a nerd, so is querl. and, they are both cat people. and aliens.

honestly, the show failed querl as a character. maybe it's because i'm a space fam fan, but his character was truly likable only when he was interacting with kara, alex or j'onn. it's probably because he felt like he could be himself the most with them since kara and j'onn are both aliens and alex is cool like that. i really don't like how the show handled brainy in s4 and s5a. he is not a dorky dude??? he is a mean bitch. s3 had that vibe well enough. and him in 6x01 - 6x04? peak querl. he did not care about anything else, but kara. as he should, as he should.

it also really pissed me off how ableist the show was toward querl (as a neurodivergent person myself). they reduced him to a quircky dude, which was both infantilizing and hurtful. most of the time, him being "quircky and funny" was him being anxious or just genuinely not getting social cues (which is neither funny, nor a bad thing. he is still a full-grown capable adult even if sometimes he doesn’t get a social cue. can this show be normal about people with autism geez?). he wasn't trying to be funny. treat him like an adult, not an "adorable boy who just doesn't get it"!!! also, what was that wardrobe? nothing he wore fit. what was that even about? they should've let jesse show his strong arms!!! and what was that hair cut? brainy’s hair in s5b>>>

this is just my personal opinion, but the show not doing a character study on kara through querl's eyes was a missed opportunity. and it's not even a missed opportunity for querl, it's for kara!!! i mean, they kind of did with the quote from 6x02, but i want more. and not just querl, everyone!!! all the supporting cast i like. i want to see kara through their eyes. i'm just a sucker for multiple povs lol.

2) the show's inability to write romance pt.1: karamel

literally anyone on that ship who wasn't mon-el would've been ten times better. i hate that man. he is the worst. and the whole kara / mon-el romance did not work. one bit. he was not a good match for her. kara literally gaslit herself into liking him. up until 2x11, she did not like that man. every time she asked him if he liked her, she looked relived when he told her no. mon-el literally kissed her and she didn’t say anything lol. and she was genuinely upset when she found out he’s working with her because he wanted to date her, not because he wanted to be a decent person. kara rejected him twice. literally went to his job to tell him she doesn't like him. unprompted. that was so funny.

mon-el: so what do you want to drink?

kara: dude, no offense, but ew for having a crush on me. you suck. you are the problem. the way you are is just, eh. just letting you know.

mon-el: :/ … i'll just get my coworker to take your drink order. i’m going to go over there now.

like, mon-el got it the first time lol. kara did not have to go to his work and tell him again (i'm referring to the beginning of 2x11). but also, he had it coming.

i honestly think kara dated him because she felt like everyone was pulling away from her and she was scared to be alone again. i mean, it was during the time she was fighting with her best friends (the bisexual boyfriends winn and james) and her sister was not spending much time with her since she was with her (toxic) girlfriend. on top of that, part of kara's story in the early seasons is unlearning all the bullshit jeremiah and eliza forced her to do so she could "fit in" ("don't be too smart", "make sure not to stand out", "go on dates, find a partner. it's what humans do"). so her abandonment issues, mixed with her belief that you need a partner to fit in and be happy because "that's what humans do", pushed her to mon-el. it also doesn't help alex decided to push the last of her internalized comhet on her sister ("well, mon-el likes you so are you sure you don't like him either?" no. no, she doesn't. this is not slander to alex tho, it's the writers fault. alex is my girl, and i love her very much.)

and, on top of that, technically, for kara, mon-el was the closest thing to a kryptonian. in a way, he reminded her of her home (even if he was the furthest from that). she romanticised him a lot (she said so herself in 3x15). she felt like she could be herself with him, because he was too an alien. but the thing was, mon-el hated his planet and didn’t miss it at all. and for all of krypton’s faults, kara still missed her home a lot. mon-el couldn’t related to her the way kara thought he could.

all these factors - 1) kara’s abandonment issues (because almost everyone was pulling away from her), 2) the belief installed by her adoptive parents that you need a romantic partner to fit in and appear normal (eliza would get upset with her if she didn’t go on enough dates), 3) most of her friends looking genuinely happy in their romantic relationships (happiness kara wanted to experience too and not realising that happiness looks different for different people so she assumed a relationship would make her happy), 4) last of alex’s comphet telling her that maybe she likes him too because he likes her (even if there were no indications and in fact, kara said she didn’t like him and looked disappointed when she found out he did), and 5) mon-el being the “closest” to her home (even if that was far from the truth), resulted in kara reassuring herself mon-el would make her happy and that he is good for her. even though he wasn’t.

i honestly believe that if kara had nia as a friend in s2, she would've never dated mon-el. nia would've taken one look at that annoying man and laughed. and then she and kara would've spent the rest of the season making fun of him lol.

i really love how s3 ended for kara. she finally accepted that she's happy with her life and doesn't need a partner to make her happy. i also think there are a lot of elements in kara's story that are asexual-coded and maybe one day i'll make a whole separate post about it. i mean, forcing yourself to date someone because 1) they like you, 2) almost everyone else around you is in a relationship, and 3) you've been taught dating is the norm, and if you don't, you're weird, is pretty much the standard asexual experience.

it honestly baffles me how much the show messed up mon-el. comics!mon-el would've literally fited perfectly. especially post-infinte crisis one. he was learning how to live life. he was experiencing things for the first time. he respected women. he was a hero and a good man. and he was working as a law enforcer, which would've paired up nicely with kara's journalism story. they could've worked together on cases and such. he could’ve been her source. and he had a british accent. give me british mon!!!

i understand the show wanted someone to "challange" kara and push all her buttons, but mon-el never did that. well, he did annoy her a lot so in a way, he did push all her buttons. but not in the way the show wanted. everything kara thought and said about him, was true. he was a scumbag. he was a horrible person. he was literally the prince of daxam. that man just straight up sucked.

it's also crazy how much mon-el did not understand kara. he literally called her elitist (3x11) when that's the furthest from the truth. someone needed to beat his ass with a catco magazine. that woman is literally a journalist who fights for every voice to be heard! what was he talking about? and one can make the argument that she was "elitist" because she had "prejudice" (very valid opinions) against daxamites. but she literally hated them because they took people away from their families. in what world is that elitism??? is he fr??? bro should've just opened one article written by her. or just listen to what she was saying. like, how am i supposed to root for mon-el when he doesn't understand one of the main things about kara? and compared to will, who called kara's work "art", nia, who hyped kara up and called her intelligent before kara was about to go on stage for a debate, and querl, who has helped her with her articles and called her words maggic, mon-el is nothing. these three people are a perfect fit for kara and understand her well. mon-el? not so much.

another thing he didn't understand was who kara was to her core. and she literally told him. she told him "supergirl is what i can do. kara is who i am." and when they were on argo he told her "now you can be yourself, supergirl." no??? she told him she’s kara and supergirl is what she can do??? did he ever listen to her??? and she literally responded with “not supergirl. kara.”

fuck mon-el. truly the worst. but at least kara realized she doesn't need a partner to be happy, and now she knows what she doesn't want in a relationship. for what it's worth, karamel provided a good character development for her.

also, while i’m here, fuck mon-el’s fans too. you guys suck! karamel shippers who are kara fans and have more ships for her, other than mon-el, this isn’t about you guys!!! cw!mon-el fans are homophobic (to alex), xenophobic (“kara shouldn’t feel at home on earth” / they hate kara danvers. sorry that a refugee finally found happiness again, and a family that loves and respects her in her adopted world i guess? fucking weirdos. kara being kara danvers doesn’t take away from her being kara zor-el too. kara danvers will always be a kryptonian, even if most people don’t know that. and alex danvers will always be kara zor-el’s sister, just as much as kara danvers’ because guess what, kara danvers and kara zod-el are actually synonymous and not two different people.) and have a strange hate for adopted families (by denying how important alex actually is to kara. which is pretty funny because mon-el got divorced because imra chose her sister over him. as would’ve kara, if it ever came to that. maybe mon-el should just choose to date an only child?)

3) the show's inability to write romance pt.2: brainia

honestly, they are nowhere near as bad as karamel. i'm a fan of both nia and querl. i'd definitely say their relationship was just two good people not being compatible.

i did not like how brainia took away so much from nia's story. she is my favorite supergirl character after the spacefam (kara being my fav, and alex and j'onn sharing second place). her story arc in s4 was so good. but then the writers stopped her character development and reduced her to her romantic relationship in s5. and for what? in s5, she was supposed to figure out her powers more, become a better journalist, mourn her mother and get over her guilt for not being able to save her, and come to terms with the fact that izabel would never be able to teach her how to use her powers. yet, none of this happened. why? because they reduced her to brainy's girlfriend. and for what? most of the nia-focused scenes in s5 were brainia focused (minus 5x15). i love brainy, but i'm so upset about this. like, it's not his fault per se, but also, fuck that guy (not really, i’m just joking). his existence (kinda) screwed over nia. ideally, him and nia would’ve never dated, each would’ve had their own story and he would’ve went back home at the end of s5 after actually outsmarting lex instead of whatever the writers did.

and if it wasn't bad enough that they messed with nia's story, they completely butchered her character whenever she was around querl. like, i'm sorry, but she would not tell him he's too much and needs to change when he literally told her that's just how he is. she literally advocates for people to be able to be fully themselves!!! be serious!!! that was so ooc for her. she would've handled brainy "love bombing" her by telling him that it's neither her nor his fault, they should just find a middle ground. and she would've told him that calmly. they would've had an adult conversation about it. it's clear the show used nia to push their ablestic views (because telling a neurdivergent person they are being too much when in reality, they are just being themselves, is wrong) onto brainy and that's fucking awful. she would never say that. how do they not understand her? they literally created her??? it also pissed me off so bad that when kara got sucked into the phazntom zone, nia wasn't worried about her. she was more worried about wanting to make things work with brainy. i promise you, nia loves kara way more that she loves querl. she would've been so worried about her best friend, she wouldn't have given two fucks about that man. and especially since her entire story in s5b was getting over him. why would she want to take his ass back???

and honestly, brainia was just not that good of a relationship. despite them taking all of nia’s story in s5, they were still underdeveloped. most of stuff we know about them were told to us, not shown. in 5x18, nia tells brainy she promised to be there for him when he took of his inhibiters, but that never happened? querl broke up with her the same episode he took them off and she didn’t bother reaching out to him after. of course, she had every right to do that. he was her ex after all and she didn’t owe him anything. but claiming she was there for him when she wasn’t, is not correct. in 5x11 she says her nickname for him was “wild cat”, but she never really used it while they were in a relationship. again, this an example of the show telling, not showing. in 5x19, nia says her and brainy were more than just boyfriend/girlfriend, they were partners. which, again, we saw very little of. like i said, most of their relationship was told, not shown. and this is not how you build a good romantic relationship when telling a story. there’s also the whole erasing nura nal from existence thing lol. and i can’t say i’m the biggest nura fan, but mysa nal is my girl. she doesn’t deserve to be erased like that.

and, look, i’m all for characters having flaws. had the show have nia being a bad girlfriend be presented as a character flaw, i wouldn’t have had a problem. but they acted like she was always right, when most of the time, she wasn’t. i’m talking about when they were in a relationship, nia did have every right to tell brainy to fuck off after he broke up with her. it wasn’t her job to reach out to him in s5b, it was his friends’. i still don’t know why no one checked on him. especially since we know kara, alex and j’onn are actually all close friends with him. and i can kinda understand kara because she is way closer with nia, but alex and j’onn? they are closer to brainy.

and because i have enough time, and this is probably the only time i’m speaking on brainia, i’m actually going to break down nia’s main story/role in every episode she was in in s5 to show you how much this relationship consumed her story:

5x01 - nia works on getting brainy to be more comfortable with physical touch;

5x02 - brainy bombards nia with food and she tells him to knock it down a bit (respectfully);

5x03 - brainy bombards nia with words of affirmation and nia tells him to knock it off and that he is being too much, they break up (?). in this episode, nia also helps j’onn;

5x04 - brainy and nia make up. nia also helps kara;

5x05 - nia stops a big wave (that was actually pretty cool). she also calms down her friend kelly;

5x10 - nia is there to support her boyfriend. they broke up at the end (hooray!);

5x11 - nia is getting over the break up. she has a talk with winn and he tells her to never let anyone make her question her own worth;

5x14 - minor role, but she saves kara so that was pretty cool;

5x15 - the only nia-focused episode. she takes down a violent transphobe. this episode shows us she still holds guilt over what happened to her mother and she’s still struggling with her powers. if only the show explored these two things in the previous 14 episodes. she is also still not over her ex;

5x16 - nia serves cunt during jeremiah’s funeral;

5x18 - kara and nia stop that old dude and when brainy takes him to the deo, they go with him. after the deo’s destruction (which, hooray. i hated the deo), nia has a fight with querl. in this episode, she also has a dream about him;

5x19 - nia is still upset about her break up with querl. she keeps having dreams about him she chooses to ignore. at the end, she finally figures out what they are about. also, her and the super friends fight leviathan;

like i said, brainia takes a majority of nia’s story. if the scene isn’t about her and brainy in some way, it would be about her doing standard superhero stuff or helping her friends. which, don’t get me wrong, is great. i like that they portray nia as a good friend. but these scenes aren’t really about her, they are about her friends. i don’t think it’s all brainia’s fault per se. it’s clear the show just didn’t give her enough screen time. but when all her personal stories this season revolve around her romantic relationship, it’s hard for me not to be annoyed about it. especially since brainy had his own storyline, away from nia. and much more screne time. and i’m not saying he didn’t deserve it. he did. he is a great character. it’s not his fault, it’s the writers’. but when the guy in the relationship has more screen time/an actual, personal storyline and the girl has none of that, i will be upset. you should not be reducing a woman to being a love interest. especially in a feminist show! i just don’t get why the show had to use her limited screen time for this relationship, when they had many more important storylines they had to continue when it came to nia. they literally used most of her screen time for her relationship with brainy and brainy’s screen time for his own story. why not have both of them have separate stories and use some of their screen time for their relationship (since they wanted it so bad)?

brainia not only messed with nia's story, but also butchered her character, and that's so so infuriating. she deserves better. brainia to nia's character is what people belive karamel is to kara's character - a relationship that consumes her story and stops her character development. i don't even hate brainia because i'm a karadox and a superdreamer shipper. they aren't even the endgame ships i have for kara. it's superdey. i dislike brainia because i absolutely love nia and her story, and i think she deserves better. i also think brainy deserved better. at the end of the day, yes, it was ooc for nia to act this way, but she still acted this way and was not a good girlfriend to querl.

as a nia fan, i’m upset how much brainia took from her story/screen time. as a brainy fan, i’m upset how nia treated him while they were in a relationship. this relationship was not good for either of them. the only reason most people claim to like it is because brainy wasn’t dating kara and they don’t really care about nia as her own character.

anways. that's my long ass rant. hope you guys enjoyed. :)

[chirpsythismorning]

Will Byers Analysis - Between S3 & 4

Something I always think about, is how Will probably didn't even know Mike and El were back together at the end of season 3.

When they had last spoke, part of Will probably thought Mike was talking about something else, which is understandable bc both him and Mike were speaking in code, whether they realized it or not (I didn’t say it/You didn’t have to).

At the very least, Will thought things could go back to how they used to between them; friends (best friends).

When the Byers arrived to Cali, I imagine within the first day, or within the first few days after they settled, it was most likely Jonathan who made the move to phone the Wheelers to talk to Nancy.

Then maybe Will decided he would call Mike once the phone was free or even asked Jonathan to have Nancy just hand the phone to Mike so they could catch up too.

But once Mike got on the phone, something was off. He sounded kind of distant and awkward and it left Will feeling confused.

Maybe Will tried to chock it up as them just needing to get used to living far away from each other, since this distance thing was indeed new for them. They'd been friends for the last decade and hadn't experienced being apart for longer than a week (the week of his disappearance). So, it was bound to be a little weird, for a little while. Right?

But honestly, just thinking about their fight in s3 and the events leading up to it, I wouldn't blame Will for being slightly worried.

Before the rain fight, Will was putting almost all of the time and effort into their relationship. He was fighting for it and Mike was leaving him behind. And that really hurt Will.

And that's what's honestly so incredible about Will's arc in s4, because he's not putting himself through that again.

Yes, he's growing up and he's matured, but he's also come to accept that, based on Mike's actions as of recent (despite what he might have sensed from Mike over the years), those romantic feelings he has for him will NEVER be reciprocated. If he's lucky, Mike will still want to be his friend, and he would be relieved to stay in his life in that way if it's something Mike still wants.

(Which also makes the GA's argument about how they think Will's arc in s5 is going to be about him accepting that Mike will never love him back, fall flat??? Because, Will's already realized that, sis. S4 ending the way it did was in part to make as clear as possible to Will (the unreliable narrator) that Mike cannot love him that way... And so why the hell would s5 confirm that for a second (3) time now? Where is the shock? Where is the value? What is satisfying about that? And why do that, while also holding off on Mike finding out about Will's feelings until the very end? Like... just let that simmer for a second and think about what that actually means in terms of the story going in a satisfying direction that also manages to surprise you... there is literally nothing satisfying about proving Will 'I'm not gonna fall in love' Byers, right...)

So, after about a week since they last spoke on the phone since arriving, a bunch of letters come in the mail: one for Jonathan, four for El, and three for Will (you can probably guess who from the party didn't send a letter to Will...).

And it's as if Will's worst fears are being (re)realized.

In his casual letter exchanges between the party, he talks about DnD and a new art class he's taking with Dustin, joining the basketball team with Lucas and how everything she'd told him about California was right with Max. Super casual catching up with some of his best friends. And yet still, nothing from Mike, arguably his best friend.

And so Will is understandably devastated.

He doesn't understand. Or maybe he does, he just didn't want to believe it.

And so, how Will chose to go about his contact with Mike over the next 'year' makes sense to me (and I support him fully tbh).

I think Will's arc in s4 is beautiful because he has some of the best development of anyone on the entire show. He's not the gay kid being used as a plot device for a heterosexual couple (stay tuned for s5). If anything, we're seeing this character who tried his best to mend his friendship with his best friend (also secret first love) after Mike presumably rejected him (ITS NOT MY FAULT YOU DON'T LIKE GIRLS!), and so, Will is not going to put himself through that again.

He's not going to let himself have hope that there could ever be something more between them, even if he thought so many times before there were moments or signs that Mike could feel the same (BC MIKE DID!!). He has already accepted it's not possible.

He's not going to 'stand in the way' anymore. If Mike wants to be with El, he's going to support them, even if it hurts him and his own feelings.

It's tragic, but it feels so in character for Will and his qualities as a person.

I know a lot of bylers argue that both Mike and Will were in the wrong when it came to them both not staying in touch, and I do agree, completely actually. Especially knowing Mike tried to call Will. HE TRIED. So it's not like he didn't. The miscommunication trope is doing it's magic. We just have to accept that.

And so, fittingly, when confronted, Mike doesn't tell Will he called (a lot). He lets Will think that he barely called and deflects and pushes it back on Will. But then almost instantly, he regrets it. Because it's in this moment he's only now realizing that Will did want to talk and missed him and is quite literally confused why they're not best friends any more. And suddenly it's all clicking. He knows deep down Will has every reason to be insecure, to not reach out to Mike after what happened last summer. It's just that he also thought Will had every right to move on because why wouldn't he, what's so great about Mike? Will could have anyone? Mike was so distracted by his own insecurities that Will had inevitably moved on, while also trying to hide his feelings, that he didn't realize Will actually did miss him. They've both got it all wrong.

As of now, we don’t know for sure if Will called at all, and so me assuming he called first, is just that, an assumption. But I’m giving Will the benefit of the doubt here. (It's also likely the Byers would have called the Wheeler's first because they know their number by heart most likely, while the Wheelers would've had to wait to get their new number).

Based on the story presented though (Will's unreliable narrator POV), he had a lot more reason to doubt Mike wanted anything to do with him. Will literally spent all of s3 fighting for their friendship, even if it meant coming off as slightly clingy and annoying and ‘childish’. And look how that turned out?

What else was Will to do in this situation? Just repeat all of his behavior in s4?

Was he just supposed to call Mike first, write him letters first, even though Mike was showing repeat signs of wanting to distance himself from him again?

And so, Will waits. He waits for Mike to make the next move, just in case his insecurities are right and that Mike doesn't want them to be best friends like they used to be.

One evening, about a month since the move, the phone rings and Will answers it. It's Mike.

Will is obviously surprised and thrilled. They talk for a bit, and yeah it's awkward. But still, it gives Will hope.

Now, it's still not enough to give Will the confidence to reach out first, fearing he'll come off too strong and scare Mike away again, and so he continues to give Mike space. But that doesn't stop this gesture from giving Will the inspiration to try one more thing, one last ditch effort to save their friendship; he's going to make Mike a painting.

So, all while watching El receive a new letter in the mail every few weeks or so, with him and Mike talking once (or if he's lucky maybe twice) a month over the phone, Will spends his time working on the painting, knowing that Mike used to appreciate his drawings when their friendship was at its strongest. And so, maybe this will be the thing that finally fixes things for them once and for all?

All too soon, it's Spring break and they're at the airport waiting for Mike to land.

In the months leading up to their reunion, Will made sure no one saw the painting he was working on, least of all El. Not even because he was scared she might figure out his feelings, but because he wanted it to be a surprise. We also know Will presumably had no problem with the others seeing the painting eventually because he literally brought it to the airport for Mike to open in front of all of them? And so... to him this was clearly an attempt at platonic reconciliation, even despite Will having romantic feelings for Mike. What he wanted was their friendship back.

But suddenly, Mike is standing before him and Will is so excited he can't hold back anymore. I mean, he's been holding back for MONTHS and he just wants to hug his best friend.

But then Mike is being awkward again, almost like he doesn't want to even touch Will at all, contrasting greatly from the last time they hugged during their goodbye only just a year ago (6 months they're so dramatic, i swear).

All this does is prove to Will that, despite them apparently ending on good terms, it seems Mike is just repeating last summer all over again.

Understandably, Will jumps to this conclusion fairly quickly, as his insecurities are being proven right in real time. Mike doesn't want the friendship they used to have. He doesn't want to hug, doesn't want to write to him, barely even called despite writing El a book worth of letters. He wants to talk to and focus on his girlfriend and Will is just an afterthought now.

There's no way he's gonna want this? A painting? Not a chance in hell.

So when Mike points to it and asks him about it nervously, Will panics and brushes it off.

How could he be so naive. Mike is making it SUPER clear he doesn't care about him, not like he used to. And still he's holding onto some misguided hope that maybe there's still a chance for them to be best friends.

How could he be so stupid.

[smalls-words]

I Found Her

Summary: @padmeswife requested: So i was thinking of reader and Rebekah being gfs during s3/s4 of tvd and Elena or another person from the gang said shit to Rebekah like she’s holding reader back bc she’s human and isn’t even part of that supernatural world and has all her life ahead of her and she’s putting her in danger so unfortunately Bekah believes that and broke things off in an awful way (cheating) on purpose and then years later...

Pairings: Rebekah Mikaelson x Fem!Reader

Warnings: School and all of its drama, vampire x human, vampire family drama. lmk if there's anything else.

Genre: Holy trinity

A/N: Thank you my dear friend for requesting <3

*not my gif*

It was a normal day at Mystic Falls. You had English, Maths and Health before a free period, which you normally just used to grab lunch at the cafe, before coming back for Biology. Everything was quiet, and everything was just as it always was.

Until your eyes fell onto the blonde beauty waiting for you at the front gates.

You grinned as she leapt into your arms, nuzzling her head into your neck on the chilly autumn day. “Hello, my beautiful girlfriend.” You kissed the perfect skin of her cheek.

“Hello, my amazing girlfriend.” She giggled as you pulled away from the hug, just to kiss her softly.

“How was your trip to the Bahamas?” You muttered.

“I almost lost my passport.” She giggled at your wide eyes.

You sighed, pressing your forehead to hers with a small smile. “You are such a clutz sometimes.”

“Don’t I know it.” She snickered, cupping your cheeks to hold you close.

You saw the group of Elena, Bonnie, Caroline and the Salvatore brothers walking towards the gate, smiling when Caroline waved at you. You didn’t know it, but they despised Rebekah, and they didn’t want to shatter your heart by telling you. So, they put up with her, keeping you away from the nitty gritty details of their frenemy relations. 

Your first class together was English, so off to room B12 you went. You all sat in your designated seats which your teacher had put in place after some crappy substitute complained. You hated your seat, kind of - the front right corner, which meant you had nobody to talk to but yourself; at least you would always be first one out the door.

Eventually, the time came to do your own work and you put your headphones in, leaving the vampires and witches to talk.

“I swear to God, Rebekah, if you kill or turn Y/N I will kill you myself.” Elena hissed at her softly, her ears catching all of it from the other side of the room.

“Get over yourself, Elena. Not everything is about you.” Rebekah scoffed, her eyes drifting to you. 

“She’s not a part of this world. You can’t keep trying to be with her - she will grow old and wonder why you are not, and then when you tell her, she will be terrified. You know she doesn’t handle any horror and supernatural stuff.” 

She closed her eyes and ignored the bickering of your friends, focusing entirely on you. The way your heart pumped your deliciously-smelling blood around your body, the love songs that floated into your ears, the way your foot tapped to the beat. How the perfume lingered on your zip-up which she bought both for you, the memories of your contrasting rough calluses on smooth palms touched against her skin. 

“You are not good enough for her, Rebekah. You will only be keeping the inevitable from happening.” Stefan whispered next to her, making her turn angrily.

“You don’t know love, even when it stares you in the face.” She snarled, getting up to ‘go to the bathroom’. 

You watched her leave, her eyes flickering down to you for just a second, and you knew. You turned to Stefan, mouthing your question, and he simply shrugged.

When she came back, you gently took her hand and gave her a concerned look. She did nothing except assure you she was okay, sitting back down in her chair. You were glad English was a double period, because then you simply had your recess break after instead of splitting off from your girl.

When she walked out of the class to spot you against the wall, she gingerly walked up to you. You cupped her cheek as she leaned into you, your thumb brushing over her skin ever so carefully, like she was made of porcelain. 

“Are you okay, Rebekah?” You asked softly.

She nodded silently, taking your hand to kiss your palm. “I’m always okay when I’m with you.” 

You blushed at her sweet comment, making her chuckle at the sight of your rosy cheeks. She took your hand and led you to the cafeteria, making sure you ate everything you had designated as recess food. 

The rest of your day was spent like that until you had Biology together. Ms. Langford was your favourite teacher because she always did cool experiments, which always helped you understand.

“Today, guys, we will be doing some microscopy to understand cells. Microscopy is just a fancy word for using microscopes.” She chuckled.

“But today’s experiment is unique to every one of you. You will pair up and only one of you will be a part of this experiment because unfortunately, we do not have enough slides. Read your instructions on page 13 in your booklets, and get to it!”

You and Rebekah immediately clasped hands, moving to a microscope after you put goggles on Rebekah since you had your glasses on. You quickly grabbed your booklet from your desk and brought it over, letting her read the method whilst you gathered the required equipment.

Her face almost paled at the sight of the word blood.

“Y/N/N, how about I be the test subject? I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” She smiled sheepishly, but you raised an eyebrow at her and read the instructions.

“Bekah, baby, it’s just a pinprick. Besides, Miss has already put our names into the spreadsheet.” You pointed to the projecting spreadsheet, your name with an X beside it to indicate you were the test subject. 

Watching you squeeze your blood out onto the slide almost made her want to lick it all up. You smelled so good all the time, so the blood in front of her was almost like smelling freshly-cooked doughnuts - too sweet for her own good.

“There we go!” You cheered to yourself as you slid your slide under the microscope, sucking on your finger whilst you scanned for different cell stages.

By the end of the lesson, Rebekah was famished. She needed blood but she didn’t want it to be yours, so she excused herself from you to get her family’s dinner party ready. 

“Can you come over later to help me pick something to wear?” You asked shyly.

Rebekah knew you weren’t very confident in yourself, always a shy thing when it came to asking for help or for fashion choices. She nodded, kissing your cheek. “Of course, darling.” 

The evening passed quickly and whilst Caroline, Bonnie and Elena were helpful, they weren’t Rebekah. A knock at your door was answered by Caroline and Elena, with Bonnie helping you out.

“What are you doing here?” Elena scoffed.

“Funnily enough, my girlfriend lives here.” She smirked, looking around inside.

“Can I come in?” 

“No.” Elena folded her arms, smirking herself.

“Well, that’s too bad.” Rebekah stepped through the door, closing it behind her.

“How…?” Caroline scoffed.

“Believe it or not, I have been inside of Y/N’s house. And not just for sex.” She gave them a false smile before speeding up the stairs.

“Baby?!”

“In my room!” You called out, to which she entered to see Bonnie glaring at her.

You smiled in relief at the sight of her. “Help me! The girls aren’t very good at telling me what is better.” You grumbled against her chest, your bottom half only covered by black boxers.

She chuckled and brushed away your wispy bits of hair from trying on outfits. “Everybody out, I need to work my magic.”

And work it she did.

The girls had long since left you and Rebekah alone in your house, your parents still on their business trip and planning the next. She held you close in her arms as she lightly swayed with you, preparing to dance with you tonight.

“You’re gonna look so beautiful in that tux, my love.” She murmured by your ear.

“You are literally wearing a green ball gown. I don’t think anybody will be looking at me.” You chuckled, kissing her arm as it rested by your chin. 

“Now come on, go get ready at your house.” 

———————————▽▽——————————

The Mikaelson house was nothing less than a mansion; a mansion you realised you had no place to be in.

Fairy lights were wrapped around the staircase railings, flower bundles were at every corner whilst trays of food were brought around by waiters. The womens’ dresses were outstandingly crafted, some with multiple layers of embroidery whilst others were plain and sleek.

You stepped to the side and tried to ask a few rushing waiters for a glass of champagne, but none of them stopped. You felt yourself shrinking into the shadows of the corner behind you, but a hand on the small of your back caught you.

“You look amazing!” Caroline beamed, looking at your suit.

Your suit jacket was accented with nature embroidery, green and gold carefully woven in to create small birds resting on the ends of branches that swirled all over you. A dark green vest and white undershirt held your chest easily, your pocket square matching the same viridian shade. Your pants had no embroidery on them, unfortunately, but two lines of silk ran down the sides to reach your shining black boots.

“You look beautiful, Care Bear.” You smiled warmly, admiring her dress.

Blue accents ran down the majority of the dress, but a stunning corset made of jewels wrapped around her middle, holding her beautifully. Her hair was held up in a classic princess look, with curled parts framing her face.

“Thank you.” She smiled, looking around. 

“Have you seen Klaus? I need to talk to him.” 

“I saw him walking towards the bar. Do you want me to come with you?” You offered your hand after sweeping away your hair, which she then took. 

You led her to the left towards the bar, pointing out Klaus before she walked straight past him to the bar. You sighed, making your way to Klaus. “Hi. I’m sorry about her, she’s just…”

“Caroline?” He offered, making you chuckle.

“Yeah. But she’s my Care Bear.” You smirked at him.

“Speaking of things that are yours…” He looked up at the stairs, almost compelling your eyes to follow.

You were so glad you did.

“She’s…” You trailed off, unable to describe her.

Rebekah stood next to her brothers with a glass of champagne in hand, her green dress almost looking metallic. Her simple necklace hung in the middle of her chest, her platinum locks parted off-centre which only made you want to kiss her more.

Klaus watched you for a moment, watching every twitch of your muscles as they devoted themselves to admiring his littlest sister. “I’m afraid I have to join her.” He apologised, briefly touching your shoulder before he walked up.

“Welcome. Thank you for joining us.” Elijah announced. 

“You know, whenever my mother brings our family together like this, it’s tradition for us to commence the evening with a dance. Tonight’s pick is a century-old waltz, so if all of you could find yourselves a partner, please join us in the ballroom.”

You watched as Rebekah came down the stairs and walked towards you, only to be interrupted by Matt. You didn’t hear what he was saying, but Rebekah took his hand and walked towards the ballroom, so you pretty much knew what was happening. 

You stood to the side and pushed away your anger at Matt, simply admiring your girl as she spun around beautifully. She often gave you glances, trying to whisper apologies but Matt would interrupt her.

You felt a hand fall onto your wrist and you turned to see the owner of the house. “Mrs. Mikaelson.”

“Please, darling, call me Esther.” She chuckled. “You’re practically family, since Rebekah seems to be infatuated with you.” 

“Hmm.” You hummed, noticing how she looked you up and down. 

“I am surprised, however, that you didn’t wear a dress. It is abnormal to see a woman in a tuxedo, much less surpass the bar of standard in one.”

You were surprised at her compliments before she took your hand again. “Tell me, dearie, why should I let you and Rebekah stay together when she doesn’t love you?” 

You took your hand away from hers, again, and shook your head. “She does.”

“Oh…” Esther chuckled darkly. “She really doesn’t.”

You looked out onto the dance floor, noticing Rebekah’s wide eyes that stayed focused on you. She eventually broke away from Matt to come towards you, taking your hand and bringing you away from her mother.

“Don’t listen to anything that woman said.” She hissed, gripping your wrists before she kissed you softly.

“You are mine. Nobody will take me away from you. They can try, but they will meet their end.” 

You looked up at her and her heart cracked at the sight of your sadness. She led you outside to take a few breaths, leaving you with Caroline as she admired her carriage’s horse.

“Hey, Care Bear.” You smiled, watching her shiver from a cool breeze.

“Here.” You unwound your jacket and gave it to her, to which she thanked you.

“May I?” You getured to the horse.

“He’s Klaus’. So, definitely.” She chuckled, making you smile as you ran your fingers over its hide.

“He’s beautiful.” You murmured.

“Why are you out here, Y/N?” 

Rebekah smiled at your relaxing heartbeat before she walked inside to be greeted by Kol. “Where’s your date?” He asked.

“Outside, taking a breather. She’s not comfortable in crowds.” She replied.

He observed his champagne glass. “You’ve changed, Bekah. Settling for mortals is the first sign of weakness.”

“What’s wrong with settling?” 

He turned to her. “She will break your heart when she dies. Save it before it’s too late, because you of all people know how quickly a century goes by.”

She watched him walk away, and his plan with Esther had worked. Seeds of doubt sprouted in her mind, growing quickly like creepers on a wall. She would never be able to cope with you gone, but she could never handle the guilt of turning you either.

Elena.

Bonnie.

Caroline.

Stefan. 

Damon.

And now, her family. 

All of them were right.

Which made her angry.

———————————▽▽——————————

You were pretty much the only person who wasn’t hungover at school, the lot of them walking around like zombies whilst you had nothing to complain about.

Except for second period English, which achingly passed since Rebekah wasn’t here. You worked on your analysis of the first few pages of Romeo and Juliet, jotting down notes into your book whilst simultaneously doodling Rebekah’s name in different fonts. 

You were already exhausted when the bell rang, but this…

Rebekah kissing Damon was not on your bingo card.

The sound of an increasing heart rate, a familiar heart rate, brought Rebekah out of Damon’s eyes to yours. 

Tears that she once wiped away stained your cheeks.

Muffled cries that she used to silence with a kiss were instead silenced by your hoodie sleeve.

And the eyes she once thought were brighter than any jewel she’d come across were dulled with anger, hurt, and betrayal.

“Shit.” She muttered under her breath, shoving Damon away just as the bell went.

You walked straight to your car, your vision blurred until a familiar shape came into view. “Get away from me.” You seethed.

Rebekah had seen you angry, but having it directed at her was a whole new feeling. She wasn’t the one being protected from an asshole - she was the asshole this time.

“Please, baby, it didn’t mean anything-”

“Let go of me!” You growled, stirring up a commotion that brought the attention of your friends.

Elena and Caroline came to you quickly, the blonde holding you close as she guided you to the passenger seat. “I’m driving you home.” She replied when you asked sniffly.

“Be calm.” She compelled you, to which your sniffling stopped and your breathing slowed.

“You do not get to compel her! She is mine!” Rebekah shoved Caroline away, almost tempted to snap her neck but you didn’t know.

You didn’t know anything.

“Please, Y/N, hear me out-”

“What did you do with him?” You asked calmly, even though the personality beneath the compulsion was raging.

She faltered, knowing the true answer but it would break you. You gripped her arm with more strength than she’d felt from you before. “What. Did. You. Do?”

“We had sex.” She answered quickly, kissing your hand afterwards.

“Don’t touch me.” You spat. “Go back to your new boyfriend.”

Stefan came in-between Rebekah and you, pushing her back so you could close and lock the door whilst Caroline got into the driver’s seat. “Don’t, Rebekah. You deserve this.” 

“Me? What about all of you? Saying that I can’t have her because she doesn’t know? I want to tell her!” She screamed, ripping Stefan’s sleeves.

“She can’t handle it!” He yelled back.

“Rebekah.” Elena grabbed her attention. “I have known Y/N all of my life. She would never be able to handle knowing about this world. She is safer being as oblivious as our neighbours.” 

Rebekah’s anger slowly faded as the truth sank in. Tears pricked her eyes and she watched your car speed off towards your house, her knees buckling before they hit the ground.

“I just wanted someone to love…” 

———————————▽▽——————————

The small house by the beach could be comparable to the shack that was in Harry Potter. Rebekah didn’t mind; she didn’t need much. It had been fifteen years since she’d last seen you, heard from you, and touched you.

But not once had she never thought of you.

She wondered what you had done with your life. Have you achieved your dreams? Was Mystic Falls, and consequently her, gone from your mind? If you saw her, would you kiss her or kill her?

Then… a message. From Marcel.

I found her.

Three words were all it took for her to run back to Mystic Falls to find Marcel.

“Where is she?” Was the only question she had before he pointed her towards The Salvatore Boarding School for the Young & Gifted.

She drove over, contemplating every word she’d say. Would she apologise for being gone? For her actions? Would you ignore her pleas and cries for mercy? 

The sight of the school brought back memories of that foul day, the house no less changed than her beauty. She saw witches, werewolves and vampires all mixed together, learning the things she used to learn - as well as some specifics for themselves.

But the sight of you would always be something that took her breath away.

Your grown shape on the school’s football field still held some semblance of your younger times with her, a similar curvature to your stance. But your eyes held something different this time. Something she understood.

You turned around at a familiar scent, one that you never would have thought of all those years ago. But now that it was back, that she was back, you knew.

“And just what do you think you’re doing here?” You spoke plainly, knowing she’d hear you.

She didn’t speed down to you. She needed as much time as possible to articulate her sentences, to find the words you deserved to hear.

But a few steps was all that were needed for you to hold up a finger at her to wait. You told the football captain that he was in charge of training now, walking back up the steps to pass Rebekah.

“Come on. All visitors must have a sticker.” You explained.

She followed you. She would never not do so again.

The small cafe was just as delightful as Rebekah remembered, memories of getting you lunch whilst you suffered with your period or getting ice-cream after an exam. Life used to be breathed into this place by her actions, but she was now unfamiliar with it.

“Sit. Please.” You gestured to the chair you’d pulled out.

“Stop. Just… stop.” She put her flat hand out to you, watching you stop.

“I need a minute.” 

She did sit down in the chair, as did you in yours, but she said nothing for five minutes. You were patient, beyond what you used to be capable of. Your scent was not the same, your smile had shortened and matured.

Your heart no longer pumped like it used to.

“Who bit you?” 

“Not the first question I’d expect from you, but alright.” You sat up, your shirt allowing her to see what exactly the transition specialised for you.

“Kol did. Three nights after you left, he bit me.”

“I’m going to kill him.” Rebekah seethed.

“Too late. I already did.” You sipped on your coffee, thanking the waitress for it.

She watched you peel off your jacket to reveal your sleeveless top, tattoos dotting along your skin. “You got them.” She murmured.

She couldn’t take it. Her heart was yearning for you, she needed you.

“Are you still living at home?” She quickly asked.

“Yes. After I drained Mum and Dad dry, I got the house.” You replied easily.

Now, her heart begged. Do it now.

Within the blink of an eye, you were sitting on the marble countertop of your kitchen and Rebekah was kissing you. Your shirt was clenched within her fists, her eyebrows furrowed as tears began to pour.

“I couldn’t save you… I couldn’t keep you safe…” She murmured against your lips.

“I failed you, my love.” 

You took her hands and gently rubbed your thumbs over her knuckles, easing their hold on your shirt. You brought them together and into your lap, watching her tears spill over her cheeks.

“Bekah, I… I can’t.” 

Her heart shattered.

“W-What? But… Y/N, I still love you. I always have.” 

You sniffled, not looking at her. “You hurt me.”

“I didn’t mean it. I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t…” Her broken voice ached in your empty soul.

“Rebekah Mikaelson.” 

She watched a single tear follow the shape of your nose. She knew she didn’t deserve more, but she wanted to see how many tears it took for you to tell her you still loved her.

“If you still want to be with me… I need to learn that you won’t break me.” You stated firmly, setting the boundary.

She nodded. “I won’t.”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, your sigh evident. “Rebekah, I don’t need your words. I need your actions.” 

She nodded again. “What can I do first?”

You smiled, holding her hand in yours before you shook it. “Hi. I’m Y/N L/N. Are you new around here?”

[pullhisteeth]

the end is near | eddie munson x reader

posting this here as well as my old blog because there’s a part two in the works hehe. xxx

summary: you’re with Steve, Robin, Dustin and Max when they find Eddie in Rick’s boathouse. You don’t know him, but he knows you. The two of you spend the night together, not knowing you’re sitting on the edge of the end of the world, and get to know each other.

word count: 5.5k

contains: 18+ !!! a recount/rewriting of the events of episode 2, angst (Eddie is terrified, obvs), bitchy!reader, fem!reader, use of y/n, implied/very light smut, weed, a Pretty In Pink reference, enemies to lovers (kind of), one-sided pining, lots of dialogue. it’s a bit bittersweet, but in my head the ending of s4 is very different. maybe there’ll be a part 2 idk I am a busy woman!!! also fluff. lol

author’s note: had this idea so long ago and I finally finished it! I hope the bits that are word-for-word rewrites of episode 2 aren’t too boring! I will also inevitably edit this tomorrow so sorryyyy. enjoy xxx

-

It’s a cold March this year.

1986 has been a doozy so far – you’re out of school with nothing to do but doze off behind the counter of the record store downtown. It’s next door to Family Video, where your friends work: Robin, your life-long best friend, partner in crime, and (platonic) love of your life, and Steve Harrington, her unlikely new companion. Lunch breaks are spent by the bins out back, chatting shit and eating even worse shit from the diner across the street. But it’s nice enough; you have very little to complain about.

That is until one dull, frostbitten day, when your break is interrupted by two teenagers whose voices are far too loud for your liking. One’s a nerdy little kid, brown curly hair and a stupid baseball cap, whose enthusiasm for life seems way beyond your own, but the other, a sullen redhead wielding a skateboard and a serious case of resting bitch face, is more to your liking. You see yourself in her a lot.

They’re shouting wildly, arms flailing at Steve and Robin, and you catch the words missing, trailer park, Eddie.

You’re not an idiot; you’d seen the news that morning, same as everyone else in Hawkins. Eddie wasn’t entirely unfamiliar to you – he’d been doing his second senior year the year you’d done your first with Robin – but what you do know of him is unsavoury. He’s an unkind and boisterous individual who riles the basketball team up and deals drugs to kids, and you had wanted nothing to do with him.

You’re paying very little attention to what’s happening behind the counter, instead spending your limited minutes on break strolling aimlessly up and down the aisles, wondering whether you should rent a movie for that evening. A sudden grip on your wrist and tug of your arm shakes you clean awake, and without realising it you’re being pulled out of Family Video and into Steve’s car by a very frazzled looking Robin.

You are completely silent in the back seat. The car’s swamped by shouts between Steve, driving, and the louder kid, wedged in the trunk. You learn that his name is Dustin, and realise that this must be the one Steve moans about – never cruelly, always fondly. The girl, who you decide is called Red for the time being, is to your left, looking sullenly out the window.

You inch your hand across the leather between the two of you and tug lightly on the sleeve of her jacket. She turns to you, brows furrowed slightly.

“Are they always like this?” you murmur, leaning closer so she can hear you over the echoes of how do you know where you’re going?! and there is no way I’m getting the car up there and Steve, keep your eyes on the road!

She looks taken aback when you speak to her, almost as though she didn’t realise you were there at all.

“Yeah, most of the time,” she says, sharp and monotonous. God, she really is just like you.

“How do you put up with it?” you ask her, genuinely interested.

She reaches into her backpack between her feet and pulls out a Walkman and a pair of headphones. Giving you a sympathetic smile, she puts them on and pushes the heavy play button.

You lean forward and rest your chin on the side of the passenger seat in front of you. Robin’s turned towards Steve so she sees you, and when she shifts to look at you her face softens.

“Sorry about this,” she says, eyes genuinely apologetic.

“S’okay, just left the shop unlocked and ready to be robbed bare, but it’s fine,” you laugh. You really don’t care too much about your job, and you know the owner probably won’t notice that you took off for the afternoon. You’ll just miss a day’s pay.

You push the thought to the side.

“Where are we going?” you whisper to her, faces close enough that she can hear.

“Up to the lake. Henderson’s friend Eddie’s up there. We think, anyway,” she says.

“Eddie Munson?!” you exclaim, a little too loud for the small gap between yourself and Robin. She winces at the volume and the other voices in the car stop. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Red turn to look at you and take off her headphones.

You watch Robin take a breath as she starts to speak, but Steve cuts her off.

“He’s not a murderer, y/n, before you say anythi-“

“That’s not what the news said!” You sit back, away from Robin’s chair, and stare wide-eyed at Steve. His knuckles are white where he’s gripping the wheel.

“Shut up,” he bites. His voice is hard and it stings like a slap to the cheek.

“Fuck off,” you spit back, huffing and crossing your arms, slinking back into your seat. “This is crazy, Steve. Pull over and let me out, I’ll just walk back.”

“Y/n,” comes a voice right beside your left ear. It makes you jump out of your skin.

You turn to see Dustin Henderson leaning over the back seats. Your eyes drift to Red, who’s staring at the commotion.

“It’s y/n, right?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, well, hi. I’m Dustin.” He sticks his hand awkwardly over the seat, as if to shake yours.

After a confused beat of looking between it and his grinning face, you sheepishly take it in your own and shake lightly.

“Nice to meet you, kid,” you mutter.

“Eddie didn’t murder Chrissy,” Dustin begins. “He wouldn’t, he’s a good guy.”

“Yeah, right,” you grumble.

“Seriously. She died, but he didn’t kill her. We think we know-“

“HENDERSON!”

All three of the other people in the car scold him, loudly and in unison. You’re more confused than you were when you left the video store at this point.

“What?!” Dustin shouts.

“Just- Everyone shut up, please?” Steve begs. His grip is still white with tension around the wheel, and you see Robin give him a sympathetic look before turning to look out of her window. Red’s doing the same to your left. “We’re like five minutes away. Just be quiet.”

He’s not wrong. He puts the car in park a few minutes later, and through the sparse trees you can see a run-down looking shack.

You have so many questions buzzing around your brain but you choose to remain silent, scared in part by the stoic expression on Steve’s face.

“Rick!”

“Henderson, seriously?” Steve sighs as Dustin walks away from the car, towards the shack, yelling the name of a convicted drug dealer like he’s looking for his cat in the garden.

The rest of you follow him with flashlights, but when you get to the house it seems completely empty. In fact, it’s as if no one has been here for months – from what you can see through the grubby windows, the living room is covered in a thick layer of dust.

Ding.

You and Steve whip round to find Dustin stood at the front door, ringing the bell.

You hear Steve huff out a “what the-“ before Dustin begins rapidly pressing the bell and banging on the door.

“Okay. Well, that’s settled. I guess he’s not here,” Steve says, defeated.

They’re so intent on getting through the door that they don’t spot Red – but you do. She’s creeping around the side of the building, so you follow her.

Before you round the corner, you hear her yell, “hey, guys.”

When you catch up to her, she’s pointing at an old boathouse down by the lake. It’s derelict. Perfect for hiding a fugitive.

Carefully skirting down the banking, the five of you wander around the building. It’s dark now, the sun still going down early, and this whole thing’s got you spooked.

Robin’s the first inside, pushing the creaking metal door open, and as the rest of you follow, you feel the anxious well in your gut getting deeper. You cling to Steve’s jacket, and he doesn’t ask questions. Instead, he extends his arm behind him, and you take his hand wordlessly.

It’s quiet inside, the floor creaky and it smells of rotting wood. You separate, each of you heading in a different direction, flashlight beams dotting around the room. There’s a boat hanging in the middle of the room, and you nearly trip over old beams and boat stuff a couple times.

A loud noise and Dustin saying, “what are you doing?!” makes you jump again. You spin round to see Steve with an oar in his hand, prodding tarps and boxes with it.

“What are you doing?” Dustin repeats, voice hushed.

“He might be in here,” Steve shrugs, still beating a pile of tarp.

“So take the tarp off!”

“If you’re so brave, you take the tarp off.”

“I thought you guys said he didn’t murder her,” you say bluntly.

Dustin looks at you with a hurt expression. It instantly makes you feel bad.

“Hey, look over here.”

Red’s stood across the room, by a table. You and Robin join her, and you see she’s found a mess of empty beer bottles and food wrappers.

“Maybe he heard us. Got spooked and ran,” Robin suggests.

“Don’t worry, Steve will get him with his oar.” Dustin’s sarcasm doesn’t do much to dispel the strange tension filling the musty room.

“I know you think you’re being funny, Henderson,” Steve retorts. “But considering the fact that everyone in this room has nearly died a hundred times, personally, I don’t find it funny in the-“

Before you can begin to try to process the fact that he just said everyone here has nearly died before, and numerous times, something – or someone – comes flying out from under the tarp Steve had been battering.

Everything happens very quickly. You guys realise it’s Eddie – he’s difficult to mistake for anything other than a wild animal, but the very iconic denim vest gives him away – and soon he’s got Steve backed against a wall with what looks like a broken glass bottle at his neck. There’s a lot of shouting and screaming, and from where you’re stood you can see the incredible look on Eddie’s face.

It’s one of fear, sure, but it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before. He looks terrified, eyes wide and sunken.

“Eddie! Eddie, stop, it’s me, it’s Dustin, this is Steve. He’s not gonna hurt you, right, Steve?”

From underneath Eddie’s huge hand around his neck, Steve chokes out a right, yeah, and drops the oar on Dustin’s command. You watch Eddie visibly relax, although his guard is very clearly still up, and find yourself thinking that he actually looks quite good, until you shake the thought away, because he’s a murderer and you’re in the room with a murderer and he might murder you and all your friends and why the fuck are you here again?

Eddie’s eyes are flitting around the room, across the familiar and unfamiliar faces, and when they land on yours you feel yourself stiffen.

There’s some more tense interaction, but between them, Dustin and Robin bring Eddie down. The whole situation sends your head a bit fuzzy, and even while you’re hanging back, behind everyone else, you feel unbearably exposed. There’s exchanged names wherein you learn that Red is really called Max, and when Dustin tries to introduce you, he says, “actually, I don’t know who y/n is, but she’s cool, okay?”, and you wish the kind words of a teenager weren’t making you feel so rosy on the inside.

Eddie’s very clearly panicked, and when Dustin tells him you guys are just there to talk, he says, “you won’t believe me.”

You’re taken aback by this, having been so sure he’d just deny everything straight up, but then Max says, “try us.” And so he does; he recounts the most batshit story you’ve ever heard. And while you stand there, arms crossed defiantly across your chest, your mouth hangs agape. But then you look around and see that everyone else, even Robin, seems entirely undisturbed by this elaborate story.

“You all think I’m crazy, right?” Eddie says between sarcastic scoffs and what you’re sure are tears.

“No. We don’t think you’re crazy,” Dustin responds.

For a kid, Henderson is damn good at being reassuring.

“Speak for yourself,” you mutter under your breath. You think it’s quiet enough, but you realise you’re mistaken when everyone turns to look at you. Including Eddie.

“We believe you,” Robin says calmly, turning back to look at Eddie. He looks at her, really looks at her, and then Dustin says, “Look, what I’m about to tell you might be a little difficult for you to take.” And he turns to you, and says, “both of you.”

You look at the faces around the room, bewildered, and then Robin nods over to Eddie. It takes you a moment, but you realise she wants you to go sit next to him.

You’re a stubborn person by nature, and so you stand rooted to the spot for a brief moment, until the daggers she’s shooting at you through her eyes force your feet to move. You take a few creaky, uneasy steps over to him, and sit as far along the box he’s using as a seat as you can.

He eyes you suspiciously, but turns back to Dustin, satisfied.

To describe your emotions in the following minutes would be to attempt the impossible.

Dustin, Robin, Steve and Max stand around yourself and Eddie and tell you an otherworldly story – literally – about parallel dimensions, monsters they’ve named after Dungeons and Dragons characters (this particular detail seems to entertain Eddie, though it’s lost on you), and a girl you’ve never met who can read minds or something. It’s all impossible to take in; your brain becomes impenetrable, and you refuse to believe any of it. Eddie’s right there with you, until they start asking him questions about ‘dark particles’ and Chrissy’s death.

“You know, I tried to wake her, man. She couldn’t move. It was like she… she was in a trance or something,” Eddie says.

“Or under a spell,” Dustin offers, a layer of concern coating his voice.

“A curse.”

“Vecna’s curse.”

It’s this revelation, which appears to happen only between the two of them, that changes everything. You’re still sat next to Eddie, but you feel further away from this conversation than ever. None of it makes any sense.

It’s so dark out by now that it must be late. Steve and Robin decide that you’ll leave Eddie there for the night and come back with supplies in the morning, but Dustin isn’t satisfied.

“He can’t be here alone,” he insists. “What if something happens? One of us should stay with him.”

“None of us have time to stay with him, Henderson,” Steve barks. When Robin had told you he’s like a mother around these kids, you’d thought she was exaggerating. She wasn’t. “He’ll be fine on his own.”

“No, Dustin’s right,” Max says, giving Eddie a sympathetic smile. “It’s kinda dangerous to just leave him out here.”

There’s more bickering, Steve insistent that there’s no use anyone staying, Robin adding that they all have lives to live and it’ll look super duper suspicious if one of them just disappears, Eddie maintaining that he’ll be fine, just fine.

“I’ll stay.”

Your words cut through the arguing like a whip, the crack splitting the noise. Everybody turns to look at you, once again.

You’re stood away from the little circle that’s formed, by the box you’d been sat on, with your arms crossed over your chest. This time, it’s for warmth, rather than out of your usual stubbornness.

You’re not sure what made you say it, really; you don’t particularly like Eddie, but there’s something about the way he recounted the events with Chrissy that pulls a certain empathetic heartstring. You don’t know why.

Maybe you can find out.

“Y/n, you have work,” Steve says.

“I’ve already bailed all afternoon. They don’t care that much.”

“But what about your pare-“

“It’s fine.” Your words are hard and final, and Steve closes his mouth.

Robin treads over to you, face soft again.

“Are you sure about this? We dragged you out here without telling you anything, you don’t have to do this.”

“It’s fine. Just bring us some stuff in the morning. Eddie could do with some company, I’m sure.” You look at him, at where he’s stood. He’s mirroring Steve’s position, hands on his hips, and he shrugs.

“Would be nice, I guess.”

“I’ll be fine,” you say, turning back to Robin and giving her arm a squeeze.

“Okay. We’ll be back in the morning. No mischief, okay?” she says with a laugh, looking between the two of you. Everyone else seems to soften a little. She comes in closer, and whispers, “be nice, okay?”

“Yes, sir,” you reply.

The four of them leave you with flashlights and a few snacks Dustin found in Steve’s trunk. It’s cold and wet and generally fairly miserable all round, and quite soon you begin to question why on earth you offered to do this at all.

Eddie’s returned to the spot where he’d been hiding under the tarp. He’s cracked open a box of Cheesits, and so you take the chance to wander around the room, looking for anything that looks remotely warm.

“So, y/n,” Eddie pipes up, making you jump. “How’ve you been?”

You suppose the small talk was inevitable, so you indulge him. “Good, I guess. Better than you.”

“Ooh, scathing,” he gloats, with a dramatic hand clutched to his chest.

“Three goes at senior year doesn’t exactly sound like fun, Munson.”

“I’ll have you know I’m in love with Miss O’Donnell so I will keep failing her class until she falls in love with me too,” he says, and the attempt at a joke gets a genuine laugh out of you. You don’t miss how it makes the corner of his mouth turn up, even in the darkness. “I see you at Trax sometimes, y’know.”

“Oh, yeah? How come I’ve never seen you?” You’re surprised he’s ever noticed you enough to remember where you work.

“Oh, I never have the money for that place.”

You’re unconvinced by his excuse; you’ve got the distinct feeling he’s hiding something. He gives himself away by tripping over his words slightly.

“It’s a secondhand record store, Eddie. And you deal drugs.”

“Mm-hmm, that I do, but I’ve got a precious van to spoil with my riches.”

“Is it the same one as always?”

“Oh, so you remember her, do you?” He’s beaming at you now, clearly humoured by the fact that you remember him.

“Hard to forget a bright green van in the school parking lot.”

He chuckles at this, and you continue moving around, pulling things out that look like they could be soft and not made of plastic.

“This is the only blanket I could find,” Eddie says from behind you.

You turn and look at him and see that he’s pointing to a pile of something on the floor by his feet.

“No jumpers or anything?” Even though you layered up, you dressed for record store cold, not sleeping-in-a-boathouse cold, so you’re in a mini skirt, wool tights and a sweater.

“Nuh-uh. Here, take it,” he says, toeing the pile with his sneaker. You step over to him, across the rotting wood floor, and sit beside him on the tarp. He pulls the blanket up and tries to shake it out, and you reach up and help him so that you can spread it across the both of you before he tries to deny you. It’s thick, and seems to be padded with something, so it’s good enough for now.

He makes more conversation with you, asking about work and life after graduation. You ask about D&D, and you notice way his eyes widen when you keep going. You’re genuinely interested in it and he loves talking about it.

“I read Lord of the Rings when I was a kid, I love shit like that,” you tell him between handfuls of Cheesits, and he thinks you might be some kind of angel. You’re starting to warm to him, too; you no longer think he’s a murderer, at least.

“So you really remember me from school?” he asks you.

“You’re a little difficult to miss, Eddie,” you tell him, smiling. It’s true – he’s so loud, and tall, and his hair’s been long for a while now. He drives that stupid green van and plays metal so loud the whole parking lot hears him coming. And in the cafeteria, he’s never quiet.

“Yeah, but you were cool. Didn’t think cool people really noticed me, unless it’s Jason Carver trying to kick my ass,” he admits, and it makes your heart ache a little. He underestimates himself, firstly, and secondly, who the fuck does Jason Carver think he is?

“I was not cool. I had one friend.”

“Yeah but you’ve always been cool, you know. You were nice to me, and you always dressed pretty well.”

“What does that mean?!” You’re shocked at this confession of his. You try so hard to look like you don’t care that sometimes you think it works too well – you can’t believe that someone’s actually noticed any of this.

“I don’t know, you just always look good!” Under the sparse light of the moon, you watch as Eddie Munson blushes before you.

“Well, thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” he says, tone half-joking.

“I always thought you were an asshole,” you confess frankly.

“Now what does that mean?!” You look at his shocked expression and can’t help but laugh.

“Seriously?! You used to shout shit at people in the hall, you were always winding someone up. And that time you made Tammy Thompson cry in front of everyone? That was not cool.”

He shuts his mouth at this, and again you see a flush creep up his neck. Except this time it’s combined with a strange look on his face. His mouth’s turned down and his brows are too, like he’s sad.

“I don’t wanna make excuses for that,” he starts, and you give him A Look that says, but you’re going to anyway. He rolls his eyes playfully at you, but returns to his sombre expression, and continues. “I was an asshole, but there were… reasons.”

You don’t say anything, wanting to hear his reasons.

“There was… a lot going on, with my dad and stuff, and I think I took it out on other people. Not fair, I know,” he adds in response to the condescending look on your face. “But also Tammy Thompson nearly made me cry, so-“

“What?!” you say through a loud, barking laugh.

“Her and her friends were dicks. Steve Harrington being one of them,” he grumbles.

“Oh, so that explains the bottle,” you say, laughing at him, a little dramatic. This is fun, you think. You like talking to him.

“What d’you mean?”

“I did really think you were gonna kill him,” you say. “Partly ‘cause I thought you’d just killed Chrissy, but- shit, sorry, fuck. Shit. Sorry.” You realise you’ve brought it up, the fateful elephant in the room. You see his face drop.

“It’s, uh… it’s okay.” He lifts an arm to scratch at the back of his neck, and you wonder if he always does that when he’s anxious.

An awkward, stuffy silence blooms between the two of you and you wish the rotting floorboards would finally give way so that something could free you from this embarrassment. You fiddle with the rings on your fingers in your lap and feel an unbearable prickling warmth up your neck.

“Hey,” you hear Eddie say beside you, voice soft. He shifts where he’s sat so he’s turned to face you, his legs crossed. “It’s fine, seriously. It’s just still all so… fresh.” You feel oddly comforted by his confession of his anxieties, but his face makes your heart ache again. He’s so concerned, clearly traumatised, and it brings something to the boil within you.

“Eddie,” you whisper, too scared to speak any louder. Everything suddenly feels incredibly still and silent and you don’t dare do anything that might startle him.

He looks up at you with those big, round, sad eyes.

“It’s going to be okay,” you tell him. You have no idea if it’s true, or if you should be saying it, but that something within makes you.

He laughs an awkward, sarcastic laugh, and says, “I don’t think it is, y/n.” You don’t know what to say to this, but then he says, very earnestly, “thank you, though.”

“It’s okay,” you whisper back.

“You always were so nice to me,” he tells you again.

“I just wasn’t mean to you, Eddie. Your standards aren’t very high.”

“No, I always thought you were nice. Kind.”

That flush comes back into your cheeks; his words give you butterflies. It reminds you of high school, of those fleeting crushes that feel like Armageddon.

He really does look good, if tired. His eyes are red and sunken, his hair’s a matted mess, but he’s very pretty.

He looks like he needs a hug.

You twist around and up onto your knees in a way that feels like your body’s on autopilot. Pushing up off the ground, you wrap your arms around a very unsuspecting Eddie, who freezes in your grasp. You wind them under his arms and across his back and squeeze, squishing your face into the rough collar of his vest. It takes him a moment, but he appears to come to, bringing his arms around you, too. He gives you a grateful squeeze in return and settles his nose into the junction of your neck and your shoulder, and you hear him mumble “thanks,” into your sweater.

You’re not sure how long you stay like that with him. It’s likely no more than a minute or so, but it feels like forever. He smells funny, a concoction of weed, Cheesits, a cologne you can’t place, and the musky smell of the boathouse. It’s a comforting smell nonetheless.

He thinks you smell divine. Perfume, but not too much, washing powder, and weed, too. There’s a warmth there somewhere that smells like home.

You pull back when your knees begin to ache, but his arms don’t let you go too far, so you scoot closer so you can sit back on your heels anyway.

“See? Always so nice,” he says softly.

You look him in the eye as he speaks, and watch as he studies your own face. Before you is a boy, a scared boy, and he’s crying.

“Eddie, are you-“

“I’m okay,” he says through a laugh and tears. Those seem to come in a pair for Eddie, like he can’t take his own emotions seriously enough.

You offer him a frown and brush the wild hair out of his face. He drops his arms from around you as you awkwardly reach up and use the hair tie on your wrist to tie it back.

“Can see you better now,” you say as you finish the final loop.

“How do I look?” he asks lowly with a smirk.

“Lovely,” you say back.

His smirk turns warm and he lifts a hand to your face. You’re not sure exactly what’s happening, but he just tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear. It’s like a scene in a movie, where you’re rooting for them to just kiss already, except you’re sure that’s not where this is going.

Surely not?

“Can I tell you something?” His eyes are bouncing around your face, your hair, anywhere but where you want them - on yours.

“Sure,” you say, nervous.

He takes a slow breath in through his nose, and then he says, “I had a crush on you when you were at school.”

God, what the fuck?

“What?”

“I had a crush on you. A pretty big one, actually.”

You can’t help but laugh. All those years spent thinking Eddie Munson was an asshole, and all the while he was pining after you. The idea is hilarious.

Even though he’s laughing too, at your silly, stupid laugh, he says, “why are you laughing at me?! That’s like the worst thing you can do right now!”

“I hated you!”

“Yeah, well, I liked you!”

The two of you sit there laughing together, and it feels oddly fun to be sat here with a fugitive in a rotting boathouse, unknowingly on the edge of the end of the world, giggling about high school crushes.

“You’re less of an asshole than I thought,” you admit to him.

“Thank you very much, that makes me feel better,” he says, beaming.

Eddie’s a very hard to read individual, you think. But here, he suddenly seems to be baring all for you, and it’s unusual. You’re not a very approachable person, but he doesn’t seem to care.

“You should come into Trax more often, Eddie.”

“Can I tell you something else?” He’s straight-faced now and you’re giggling, blithely unaware of his racing heart.

“What?”

“I still have a crush on you.”

You stop laughing and stare at him. He’s not laughing, either, his face instead etched with worry.

“What?”

“I avoid Trax because I have a crush on you. You’re always fuckin’ in there, and you’re kinda intimidating.”

You know this is true. Plenty of people have told you before, and even if they hadn’t, Robin, who is notoriously terrible at reading social cues and even worse at listening when infant you told her to go away, was your only friend until you met Steve. It’s not difficult to read the room.

But he’s Eddie. Eddie Munson. If anyone’s intimidating, surely it’s him.

“I-“

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything.”

“No, I-“

“Seriously, y/n, it’s fine, I know you-“

You shut him up with a hard, hot kiss to his mouth (kind of – you don’t quite get your aim square-on because he moves a lot when he talks). Just like he did when you hugged him, he freezes, so you move back to sit on your heels again, and say with a smile, “would you shut up for a second?”

The blanket’s around your knees now, forgotten; the heat under your skin from Eddie’s confession is enough to keep you warm.

He stares at you, finally looking you in the eye again, and smiles. It’s a slow, easy smile.

Before you know it, he’s leaning over to you and kissing you back. You snake your arms around his neck and pull him in, but you lose your balance on your aching knees and topple to the side, pulling him with you.

Through laughs and huffs of pain, the two of you stand up and brush yourselves off. You’re incredibly close to each other; his face is right there, and kissing him felt really nice, and you want to do it again so badly. But he moves before you can, hands flying to the sides of your head and pulling you in so close your nose is crushed with his and you can’t really breath. You don’t mind, though, because you’re up on your tiptoes and your hands are on his arms and your lips feel like someone’s shot 8 volts through them.

There are teeth and tongues and your hands move around to grip the front of his tired Hellfire shirt. You slot your legs either side of one of his to get as close as you can, and when the pressure of his knee hits that spot between your thighs, you whine into the kiss.

But then it disappears, and so do his lips, so you grumble and he laughs at you.

“I am not doing this for the first time in here,” he says. “I want to, trust me, but not here.”

You want to argue with him so badly, but you can’t. He’s right; it’s disgusting.

“Here,” he says, lowering himself to sit back down. His hand takes yours and pulls you with him, so you’re straddling him.

“You’re trying to stop me having sex with you by making me sit on your lap?” you ask with a smirk.

“Don’t,” he scolds, and you try to hide the way his authoritative tone makes you whimper. You don’t succeed.

-

The two of you get a couple hours sleep, but you wake up when the birds do. It’s early, and you’re both groggy, but you braid his hair to pass the time and teach him how to braid yours, and you find a pack of cards on a table by a window, so he teaches you to play Solitaire. And then, an hour or so after the sun comes up, there’s a noise outside.

You’re both on edge, but it’s just Steve, Robin, Dustin and Max with cereal and beer and news, good and bad.

They answer your questions, and don’t pry when you sit right next to Eddie, thighs flush, or when you hold his hand when Dustin tells you that the police are looking for him. And though none of you know what the next days bring, or how much your lives will change, you’re very grateful that you’re not facing it alone.

-