#but not pro ana by any means either

[systastic]

𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒷𝓁𝑜𝑔

hiiii! my name is ana && i run this blog! :3 pleasure to meet you all, meow ~

this blog is for my clawlection of genders, alterpacks, and anything else i find cool both for myself && the rest of my system!

some other sys members may use this blog !! if asked, they will make their own introductions nya ~

different emojis in the tags means that the post is either meant for/created by other alters ~ that includes 🍥 (me!), 💉, 🪼, and 🪻 !!

𝓉𝒶𝑔𝓈

#gender hoard is for genders !

#alter hoard or #headmate hoard is for alter packs !

#kitty creations is for packs we’ve made !

#kitty speaks is for anything non-pack or gender related!

𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈

pls interact: systems, mogai & coining blogs, alter pack / headmate creation blogs, cool people!

interact w care: transx/transid, respectful radqueers (please don’t bring discourse onto this blog meow!)

dni: homophobes, racists, pro-contact harmful, gross, && non-con paras, pro-contact MAP/AAM, disrespectful sysmedicalists, violent radqueer, those who use the term “traumascum”, && those who believe systems do not exist / are not real

𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝓇𝓊𝓁𝑒𝓈

we do alter packs for other beings too !! feel free to send in an ask ~

will do fictives & factives (as best we can depending on source), sisasystems of up to three alters, sentisystems, headspaces, dissomei, gender coining posts, nonhumans, && just plain ol’ headmates!

do not ask for transIDs/cisIDs in our packs; our system has a rule against using those terms. your request will be ignored if you do!

𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝓂

level one: name, age, pronouns, roles, species, gender identity, orientation, source

level two: all of the above + aesthetic, appearance description, personality description, one avatar/pfp (specify if picrew or not!)

level three: all of the above + likes, dislikes, front triggers, sign off

level four: all of the above + small moodboard, thematic songs, kins, any bonus info requested, && typing quirk (if applicable!)

if you do not want something on this list: let us know in your request and we’ll remove it!

for headspace packs: please give a general vibe of the headspace you want and a number of locations you’d like to have within that space!

queue can be found here!

anon list can be found here!

𝒾𝓃𝓈𝓅𝒾𝓇𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃

note: some of these are pro-rq & some are anti-rq, so please check interaction boundaries before giving them a look!!

@eclipian, @roses-bah-garden, @bah-attic, @sewers-headmates, && too many more to name !!

[space-station-nursery]

🛰️⸝⸝Welcome to the Space Station Nursery 🪐

☆ ・Personal info ! ˖ ˒

🦊Little Dipper︰Hi! im Finn, also Finnegan, finny fox, fishy finn, and more to my closest friends and moots! Im 21 and my pronouns are They/Them! My timezone is CST. I like Bubby, jay, baking and cooking, playing games, reading (by myself and with bubby) making decor stuff and making custom things! Blues clues !!! if you see a blues clues ask from an anon, its probably me.

Dislikes︰I HATE Bugs, bugsbugsbugs. Being confronted(confrontation), purposely being misgendered, having my boundaries disrespected, bubby or jay being purposely misgendered, bugs and uh-…. i think thats it lol

🦌 Big Dipper︰Hi im FD, im 21 (22 in august) and my pronouns are He/Him. My timezone is MST. I LOVE BABI BEAR, our friends, gaming, cars, anything that has moving parts, reading and watching crime stuff, watching movies and playing games with babi and our friends, and really love the flash as well!

Dislikes︰I dont like icky people coming to talk to babi and i (i dont really like talking to people in general), People misgendering babi or my friends or being rude towards them, and i dont like when people disrespect my boundaries I also dont like the idea of sitters because so many people in the community that we have encountered have bad intentions, but there's nothing else i can think of rn

☆ ・Space station boundaries ! ˖ ˒

Combined︰We are engaged and not seeking romantic or platonic littles/cgs! Dms open for anyone +16 or -26. If interested, interact with our posts, as random messages can be uncomfortable. If you would like to be moots/friends, please at least interact with our posts first

🦊Little Dipper︰Please use tonetags when directing asks towards me. Please Ask before DM-ing me on my personal blog @babis-little-corner and i will let you know! If you notice I interact with something not SFW, please let me know! Do not use any nicknames in asks/dms unless we are close/moots. My CG doesn't appreciate people we are not close with trying to call me things like "little one" "cutie" etc, and quite Franky neither do I...

🦌 Big Dipper︰Please Do not ask me to be your cg, I’m Happily caring for Finn and only Finn, I don’t have all that many boundaries just don’t do anything that’s gonna upset Finn and you’re alright with me!

☆ ・Dark Matter DNI ! ˖ ˒

Whats a DNI? These are "Do not interact" boundaries, this means that if your blog meets any of these criteria you may be blocked\banned\removed from a persons socials. Below are my DNI's so make sure to read them!

・Are anti-agere/agedre(or petre/petdre), an NSFW blog/"SFW" kink blogs like Dd!g/abd!/md!b and other variants. Are an 18+ only blog, Terf, etc. Anything that you would not show a child does not belong here ・Bigoted individuals or peoples that believe in Anti-LGBTQIA+, Pro-ana, Pro-SH, Anti-recovery, MIKs or MAPs, Extreme left/right views, Pro-life, Pro-war, transmed, Pro-mia, Anti-Neos/Xenos. ・Over the age of 27. While you could be a regression blog, and completely SFW, individuals over the age of 27 can become a trigger due to my PTSD. Minors are always welcome, although we will most likely not follow back ・Are a blank blog. This means no banner, profile pictures, posts or names. Blogs like those tend to become a problem and we don't wish to deal with it.

We will block liberally

☆ ・Rover Regression info ! ˖ ˒

🦊 Little Dipper︰I am a flip-leaning regressor, regressing from 0-4. I am a sleepy but bubbly regressor, mostly using items like pacifiers. Despite my trauma, I can regress for small periods of time while assisted, but its a great start and hopefully when FD and I live together it'll boost my regression more!

🦌 Big Dipper︰I am Finns CG, and I love my babi bear! I do everything I can to make sure they feel safe and comfy here when regressing, as well as when they aren't

Sitter views︰We do not see sitters as something either of us would want to be apart of unless it was us sitting for/being sat by someone we know very well. My current sitter is @sleeplessjunkie Who generally just regresses with me when bubby is gone while we play games !!!! We will either talk a lot or not at all, and thats ok bc talk is hard! (we're both autistic)

☆ ・Solar System Sillies ! ˖ ˒

Posting schedule ish︰(Finn has a problem with keeping ideas up, so im going to try and reduce the amount of things being posted by me!)

✩⸜⸜ Affirmation Monday ✩⸜⸜ Text post Tuesday ✩⸜⸜ Worksheet Wednesday ✩⸜⸜ Reblog Thursday ✩⸜⸜ Funday Friday ✩⸜⸜ Refresh Saturday ✩⸜⸜ Shoutout Sunday

Our anon list!︰✨, (☀🐝), 🩷, 🍥, 🦭, 🦝

Send us an ask to claim an emoji and show up here! <3

Linkies!︰

Pronouns Page ⸜⸜ Finns pronouns Instagram ⸜⸜ Alphabet Paci's Shop Agere twitch ⸜⸜ Alphabet Soup The Hundred Acre Woods (discord)⸜⸜ Discord.gg/hundredacrewoods Littlewavez (discord)⸜⸜ Discord.gg/Littlewavez

🛰️ ⸜ ⸜ Thank you for reading! - The space station team ! (tags below)

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

Since feedism has lately become kinda controversial (people vehemently pro and vehemently anti ever since I made that post) I'm going to try to keep the conversation open in a positive, non-judgmental way. I do want to do my best to make this a safe space for all experiences to be heard. There are people who have had EXTREMELY predatory experiences being drawn into feedism. There are, as I've learned, also people who feel they've been able to establish a gentle, positive, and consent-based experience around the practice. I'm not taking either side, just reflecting on the initial reason I made that post and felt so anti-feedism there.

We know that diet culture, starvation, and the ana/mia constant of setting lower and lower goal weights does irreparable harm to the human body. Restricting as a teen, during a crucial developmental period, definitely damaged mine.

But so did bingeing. When I came out of anorexia, I cycled back and forth between that and binge eating disorder. And bingeing was at least as destructive and damaging to my GI system as starving. I'm not kidding. There was more than one time in college that I had to lie on my side on my dorm room floor because I'd eaten so much that I was in too much pain to get up, my stomach all round and hard like a basketball from being so stuffed. And I still felt the compulsion to try and eat more. I was miserable and I hated myself for hurting myself like that, but I couldn't stop. The only thing that I found to be supportive of my health was practicing intuitive eating - letting my own body dictate exactly what I needed, exactly how much, and when - no more, and no less. And it took a VERY long time for me to settle into that pattern and lessen instances of compulsive binge eating.

Just because this was my experience doesn't mean I'm saying no one's allowed to have a different one. But I will say, it definitely makes me feel somewhat concerned, as someone who is a strong proponent of intuitive eating, that a lot of the feeder content I have seen does hold a deliberate emphasis on consistent weight gain. Not specifically the eating part - the way that a feeder can encourage a feedee to keep gaining. The way recovery has looked for me is this: I let my hunger cues dictate my needs. My body can settle into whatever size it needs to be as I follow these hunger cues. I do not make a practice of ignoring my body's needs in order to deliberately change the size it naturally wants to be - whether that be smaller, or larger. That's what I have always been a proponent of, and I have always made a point to emphasize that intuitive eating absolutely applies to people who are naturally fat, that they have no obligation to starve their bodies in an attempt to stop being fat. "Just let your body be what it needs to be" has been the mantra that has best supported my relationship with food.

I think that's specifically what made me find feedism suspect - the emphasis on pushing continuous gain for kink purposes rather than any specific health need. (This is not me dunking on people who do get off on that relationship - just talking about my perspective as someone who absolutely HAD to learn how to put my own body behind the wheel and nobody else when it comes to what I eat, and how much.)

That being said, if anybody in this community wants to talk to me about specific ways they feel the experience has benefited them. And while it's okay to talk to me about kink (I'll make sure to tag appropriately) as kink is an important part of some peoples' lives, I am curious to hear if people feel they've experienced benefits outside of the kink sphere too, and what that looks like for them. Hoping to keep this an open, and respectful, conversation.

[bbackonmybullshit18]

Lil baby rant CW

I am so so so done with people giving so much shit to people with 3ds like ana and mia. I'm so fucking fed up. They wanna praise people for being fat, like I fw body positivity OF COURSE I DO, but sometimes it's not body positivity and its just people prafyically saying "it's okay to be so fat you can't find clothes in your size." No bcs that'd not normal, being anorexic isn't healthy either but in this world I feel like it's more common to be morbidly Obese. Anyways that's not rlly what I'm mad abt.

Im also pissed off that people are so against weight loss injections like ozempic. Yeah. First of all, that's litterally a private medication, if someone is eligible and wants to take it for whatever reason who tf are you to call them a DEMON over it. My mum takes a weight loss medication because she was litterally struggling with a bad binge eating disorder and was almost type 2 diabetic and couldn't get ANY help vcs there's no help out there, especially in the UK, for adults with eating disorders, let alone binging because its SO NORMALISED.

If I want to lose weight, that's my fucking business. How I do it is my business. I'm 19 years old, I'm legally an adult, I know the consequences of what I'm doing but I'm not pro ana going round forcing everyone into this Ed like it's a cult and I worship ana like shes my god. To me, what I'm doing is just a HARSH diet. And maybe it is also a disorder, but why does that mean that you can call me every horrible name under the sun when I'm just minding my own business and trying to get thinner after all my life PEOPLE LIKE YOU called me fat- but now fat is supposed to be a positive thing? Wtf? So you can only be skinny if you have a fast metabolism and if you don't and try to lose weight in any way suddenly you're a disordered tumblr demon??? What the fuck is that.

You go to the gym to thin down - you're a gym rat, addicted to exercise and only eat protein.

You starve/restrict to lose weight - you're an anorexic tumblr demon HAHAHAHA LETS ALL LAUGH AT HOW WE CAN SEE THEIR BONES.

You take a medication to lose weight for your mental state or physical health - you're an ozempic demon, take the ozempic bcs ur too lazy to try and eat healthy.

You eat a healthy balanced meal, happy with ur midsize body but don't have a fast metabolism - you're fat and should lose weight.

You're obese and too lazy to change it - it's okay! Be happy in your own skin! Body positivity!

And the only people you ever see shaming others for their diet, body etc. Is fucking skinny people. Skinny people with fast metabolism who've never had to try.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞

📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

please!!

Awesome!

36 for 🪞:

---

Eddie smiles softly. “Well, you know I have your back. Whatever you decide.”

iv.

To Buck’s credit, he thinks, he doesn’t just jump to an answer either way. He takes time to think about it. Really weigh the pros and cons. He knows it’s not a choice to make lightly. Not only is it a whole person’s life, but it’s his whole life. This has to be something he actually wants, not just feels a compulsive need to do. And he’s not always sure how to separate the two.

He talks to Hen and Karen. Apologizes for the fact that he’s even in the position to ask with all they’ve got going on.

“Don’t be sorry,” Hen says. “This is the kind of thing I’d fixate on if I didn’t have Mara to think about, too.”

They tell him how hard it is. How it’s not the same as raising a child from infancy. Not worse or lesser, but different. Different challenges. Some of them are potentially pretty daunting. But none of them tell Buck it’s not worth trying. Someone needs to try for her.  Even if it’s not easy. And Buck knows himself. Once he tries, he’s not likely to give up. 

Buck sits with it. For four days he sits with it, uncertain with himself. With his motivations and his capabilities. 

In the end, the answer is sort of simple.

Buck knows he’s only here right now, because, despite his own parents’ complete and utter discarding of him from the beginning of his life, a handful of people never quit on him. Never stopped believing in him. Maddie. Bobby. Eddie. Hen. Chim.

---

36 for 📖:

---

Buck’s breathing is very heavy, but he can’t take in enough breath. 

“Eddie,” he begs. “What are you saying?"

Eddie huffs. “I… I don’t know exactly. I mean, I do. But I don’t know how to say it the way you did.”

No, no, no. No. Eddie can’t feel the same way. Eddie can’t feel the same way, because then… Because then everything Buck has done has been wrong. Terribly wrong. If any part of Buck thought Eddie could love him back, he would have never walked away. He would have fought for him. Told him. Tried. 

“Eddie, you’re killing me here,” Buck rasps. 

“I’m killing you?” Eddie scoffs. 

Yeah. Fair enough.

“Sorry,” Buck mumbles, looking at his feet.

“I couldn’t get over it,” Eddie says again. “And as things started getting more serious with Ana, I… Well, I started to sort of freak out…”

Freak out? What is he talking about?

“I broke up with her,” Eddie explains. 

“Oh,” Buck breathes. “I’m sorry.”

Eddie snorts. “Are you?”

---

36 for 🚨:

---

He presses the button so Eddie’s bed inclines enough so he’s nearly sitting. So he can see his son. 

“Christopher,” Eddie rasps, reaching his good arm towards him. It snags on the IV still attached to it, and Eddie realizes with a flare of disappointment that he’s not free to hold onto his boy. To hug him and promise him he’s safe, that he’d never leave him. 

“Go to him carefully, mijo,” Ramon instructs. His voice is gentle. Soothing. It’s a somewhat strange tone to Eddie, coming from him. And the term of endearment… So much familiarity.

Christopher shuffles around the bed, avoiding the various tubes and wires connected to Eddie. He bends over Eddie’s torso, dropping his head onto Eddie’s chest. Eddie lifts a shaky hand to his son’s head, fingers resting in his curls.

“Hi, buddy,” he exhales. 

“I missed you,” Christopher says. As if Eddie had just been on a trip somewhere.  

“I missed you, too,” Eddie says. His voice is so hoarse. He doesn’t sound like himself. 

“I was so scared,” Chris continues.

Eddie presses his hand against Christopher’s head a little more firmly. As though he can hold Chris right to his heart. 

“Me, too,” Eddie admits.

“Did it hurt really bad?” 

“Yeah,” Eddie answers. Understatement of the fucking year. “But I’m okay.”

“Will you come home soon?” Christopher asks.

Eddie has no earthly idea. He doesn’t even know how long it’s been. He needs Buck. Buck can answer those questions.

“As soon as I can,” Eddie promises. “Where’s Buck?”

---

36 for ❄️:

---

Eddie freezes. It’s a fair question. A reasonable one, given the statement he’s just made. Who should Eddie be? The son his parents wanted? The father his son deserves? A good partner? A proper man? 

“I was always trying to be right,” Eddie says dumbly. He knows it doesn’t really mean anything. “I was just trying to be a person the right way, like how I was taught.”

“I don’t think there’s a wrong way to be a person,” Wren chimes in quietly, eyes downcast like they’re afraid to be heard. 

“I would agree with that,” Jodie says. “But it can be hard to feel that way, can’t it?” 

Eddie nods. It’s all he can do. He feels like a hypocrite. He’s not a prejudiced person. He’s not discriminatory. He knows there’s no wrong way to be a person. Maybe he just thinks there’s a wrong way to be Eddie. 

▪️▪️▪️

A few hours after the session, Eddie gets an email notification on his phone. 

He doesn’t get a lot of emails, if he’s being honest. Most of them are from work. Schedules, union updates, LAFD newsletters, etcetera. There’s the occasional chain joke forwarded from Pepa. Promotional shit, which he unsubscribes from. Automated appointment reminders from Frank. 

But today there is this. 

Date: July 5th, 2024

To: eddiaz92@gmail.com

From: charlesminn@yahoo.com 

Subject: Checking In

Eddie,

Forgive me for overstepping. 

[babis-little-corner]

🐾⸝⸝ Welcome!・・🩵

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

🐾 ・┆Hello and welcome to my sideblog, you can call me Finn! I use they/them pronouns! this sideblog is my little agere blog where i will most likely repost things and make health/regression rambles 🩵 ・┆(when big) I like books, my husband, my best friend, streaming games, cooking, baking, making stuff and researching things that i like! 🦴 ・┆(when big) I dislike Bugs, bugsbugsbugs. Being confronted(confrontation), purposely being misgendered, having my boundaries disrespected, bubby or jay being purposely misgendered, uh-.... I think thats it lol

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

🐾 ・┆My big age is 20 years old! I am a flip, little lean and regress to about 4 or younger. 🩵 ・┆I have a Husband/Carer! This is his tag > @fdtw1, who also helps run the main blog> @babi-and-bubby-nursery! I do not have a "babysitter", but i do hang out with my best friend person @sleeplessjunkie who plays games with me and stays with me while FD is not home/will be occupied/at work. They're basically like a sitter, except were the same person /lh /j We have a lot of fun together and they're the only person that we both can trust that we don't need to worry about obsessing/getting angry that i am taken bc they're also taken! I love them to death *HUGS* 🦴 ・┆I am a very Quiet little bc i like to chew things as a stim. There is a ton of trauma surrounding my regression and it was very hard to regress. Now, with the help of my husband(CG) There is hope! I can only regress for small periods of time, and it needs to be assisted but its a great start and i hope that when we live together it'll boost my regression more! 📭 ・┆(When little) I like blues clues, coloring and playing small games (minecraft, animal crossing etc) either with jay or bub, Being an eepster, listening to silly or cutesy music, coloring, chewing on things, and doing worksheets with bubby! 🖍️ ・┆(When little) I dislike bugs, being told no chew (or paci), being alone without jay or bub, having to go out alone, more bugs, having to nap without bubby, being yelled at, and bugs :3

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

🐾 ・┆If you meet any of the below criteria, please do not interact, or follow this sideblog!

・Are anti-agere/agedre(or petre/petdre), an NSFW blog/"SFW" kink blogs like Dd!g/abd!/md!b and other variants. Are an 18+ only blog, Terf, etc. Anything that you would not show a child does not belong here ・Bigotted individuals or peoples that believe in Anti-LGBTQIA+, Pro-ana, Pro-SH, Anti-recovery, MIKs or MAPs, Extreme left/right views, Pro-life, Pro-war, transmed, Pro-mia, Anti-Neos/Xenos. ・Over the age of 27. While you could be a regression blog, and completely SFW, individuals over the age of 27 can become a trigger due to my PTSD. Minors are always welcome, although I most likely will not follow back ・Are a blank blog. This means no banner, profile pictures, posts or names. Blogs like those tend to become a problem for me and i don't wish to deal with it

[caseythebunnyboy]

! MINORS, HOMO/TRANSPHOBES, TERFS/RADFEM, PRO-ANA, DETRANS/MISGENDER KINK, STRAIGHT MEN, STRAIGHT WOMEN & LESBIAN ONLY BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT !

!! WARNING !! this blog will contain hardcore kinks. please don't scroll through my blog if you are sensitive to these things, prioritize yourself.

hello, my name is casey! iam an 18 y/o, 5'4, south-east asian trans boy (he/him exclusively) that is going to be running this tumblr blog! im a bottom switch, which means that i prefer to be the one getting penetrated, but i can be both dom and/or sub while doing so.

taken emoji anons: 🗝️ || 🚂 || 🧸 || 🍅 || 👁️ || 🐺 || 🐦 || 🏹 || 🥀 || 🍡 || 🎸 || 👑🖤 ||

what i will be posting: mainly kinky text posts, nsfw art of myself, and sometimes ill show off my body in a nice outfit when im feeling more confident!

rules & info:

if you cross my boundaries 3 times, i will block you, no exceptions. depending on the severity of the crossing, i might block you instantly with no second chances.

if your blog makes me uncomfortable or i get a bad feeling from it, im blocking you.

sexting and roleplaying with me in my dms is allowed, but i will not send photos to you in dms! i dont feel comfortable doing that. so only strictly texting! i am fine with people sending me videos and photos though, but it depends on what you'll send me.

atleast say hi before chatting me, had someone say "worthless cunt" as their first dm and i blocked them lmao, its not hot to me. greeting me first would be nice.

if you are going to sext and/or rp with me, please keep my kink and no-no lists in mind, i have boundaries too.

only those that arent women and arent exclusively attracted to only women are allowed to sext with me. sorry to the women out there who wanted to, but im not attracted to you... but im sure you're still very pretty, and theres many other people who'd want to chat with you!

what to call my genitals: cock, dick, boy cunt, cunt, cunny, boypussy, bunny pussy, wet hole, front hole, little/small/tight hole, needy hole, bunny hole! (please dont call it a vagina, clit or just "pussy" by itself. only calling it a "pussy" without my preferred additions is something i can excuse sometimes, but i dont like it. vagina and clit will get u straight up blocked.)

what to call my chest area: chest. thats it. if you call it tits, boobs, or anything like that i will block you. even if you say "boy tits" or "man boobs" you are still getting blocked. its either you only refer to it as a chest or you never refer to it at all.

inbox and asks are always open! please send me threats of what you'll do to me if you find me, what you want to do to me, and if you got off to anything i post 💜

my kinks: cnc, somno, teacher/student, power imbalance/dynamic, roleplaying, voice kink, degrading and/or praising me, dry humping/grinding, humiliation, free use, gangbang, overstim, edging, orgasm control/denial, impact play, begging, namecalling, pet play, watersports, monsterfucking, tentacles, breeding (no preg, makes me dysphoric), creampie (also no preg, same reason), cum dump, bondage, shibari, being punished, manhandling, size kink, treating me like your toy, making me into a sex slave, being protective/possessive, dumbification, claiming, jealous/angry sex, rough sex, and teasing. (theres prob alot more but theres so many that i forget lol)

kinks that are hard no's: feet, knife/gunplay, feeder/feedee, ed, choking, scat, vomit, age play, misgendering kink, detrans kink, calling me any term mainly used for women (good girl, queen, princess, babygirl, using she/her for me), drug play, bioessentialism, pregnancy, forced feminization, and gore.

things i like being called: baby boy, bunny boy, little bunny, little boy, cunt boy, bunny, bun bun

tags: #casey ★ grumbling for little (often nsfw) text posts/rambles/thoughts that i dont think are interesting enough to be in other tags, #casey ★ mumbling for text posts, #casey ★ answering for ask posts, #casey ★ doodling for drawings, #casey ★ peeking for body pictures, #casey ★ speaking for important announcements/posts, and #casey ★ sharing for reblogs!

also! this is all a fantasy, i do not actually want this to happen to me. consent and safety is very important in kink, sex and bdsm. i do not condone these actions being done unconsensually.

thats all! i hope my blog can make your dicks throb 💜

[shadowsightliker]

introduction post because it’s finally time

hi!!!!

I go by Marigold or Rosemary, idc either is fine!!!! :3

I use she/her, I’m cupioromantic ace, I’m a minor (16), and I’m autistic!!!!!!

byf:

(alt text: byf)

(🌙 next to something means it’s important!!!)

I’m VERY(!!!!) passionate about Warriors and specifically Shadowsight, I can be very defensive about him as he is a huge comfort character to me, I don’t like mentions of him dying or people making really sad futures for him so please tag if you do mention these things 🌙

Please use tone tags for me if you’re jokingly insulting me or something!!!!

I talk in all caps a lot as you can probably already tell so if you’re uncomfortable please ask me to tag :3

If I do something wrong please tell me!!!!! 🌙

I love receiving asks and questions so if you have anything you want to send feel free <3 (PLEASE ASK ME ABOUT SHADOWSIGHT PLEASE PELASE PELA)

You can follow and interact with my posts but if you’re under 13 or over 19 I’d prefer if you didn’t DM me!!!

DNI: basic dni criteria, proship, you hate Shadowsight /srs, you draw/write nsfw Warriors stuff, feral nsfw in general, nsfw/kink, pro-ana blogs, you reblog “thinspo” and other triggering content, participate in cringe culture in any way

That’s about it!! BYEEEEEEE!!! :3

[meanbitchydyke]

Pinned Post — Read BEFORE Interacting

Hi hi! I'm Cat, a 28-year-old non-binary (TME) butch lesbian. I use they/them, he/him, ze/zir, fae/faer, and ey/em pronouns. I'm white, mentally ill, AuDHD, and physically disabled. I use a cane and a wheelchair. I am on testosterone and I have had top surgery and a hysterectomy. I am a trauma survivor and I talk about it sometimes.

Before following me, I'd appreciate if you read my about page, and I ask that you read my DNI, linked here and posted below this preamble in the readmore.

My activity is pretty sporadic depending on school and dealing with my disabilities, and I don't run this blog on a queue - most of the stuff I reblog tends to be time sensitive.

Please don't hesitate to ask me if you need something tagged! I would rather know to tag something appropriately than have anything I post or reblog upset someone needlessly.

Thank you for reading! If you could like this post or send me an ask to let me know you've read it and my DNI, I would appreciate it! It's by no means required though.

Also, because my description cuts off on some devices, I will put here that the credit for my icon goes to bisexualdimitri. The flag used is the autistic lesbian pride flag, and the character is Rika from Pokemon Scarlet and Violet.

DNI below the cut.

None of the following criteria are up for debate. Do not send me messages trying to argue with me about them. Just block me and move on.

DNI/people I block on sight:

people who interact positively with girl-effigy. I will update her url here if I ever catch wind of her changing it. It is extremely important that people who interact with her do not interact with me. You can ask me why OFF ANON.

LGBT-phobes (especially transmisogynists)

misogynists

white supremacists (includes anti-BLM and pro-colonialism)

antisemites and islamophobes

zionists

ableists

anti-abortion rights activists

Republicans/conservatives/“centrists”

MRAs/anti-feminists/transandrophobia “truthers”

fatphobes/pro-ana/pro-mia/weight loss blogs

antivaxxers

abuse/incest/SA apologists (includes pro-shippers)

pansexuals who spout “hearts not parts” nonsense (the tl;dr is it’s homophobic, biphobic, and transphobic)

bi/pan “lesbians” and their supporters

people who use the q slur to describe all lgbt people, to describe cishets at all, or to describe specific lgbt people who have not agreed to have the q slur used for them

endogenic “systems” and their supporters

hates dogs, cats, or kids (not a moral reason, just an “I don’t need that negativity in my life” sort of thing)

JKR apologists

people who hide behind one marginalized aspect of their identity to excuse their bigotry toward others (“I can say racist things because I’m gay” etc etc)

people who have ever been fascists (I don’t care if you’ve been “reformed”, I don’t fucking want someone with that kind of history interacting with me)

Can interact but don’t follow if:

You are under 18 (do not interact with posts I have tagged “nsft” under any circumstances, you will be blocked)

Can follow, but I probably won’t follow back if:

You are under 21

You type mostly in all caps (I can’t read it very well and I feel like I’m getting yelled at)

You type mostly in colored text (I can’t read that very well either)

You are a cishet

[girlcalledwhatsername]

Hello! I saw your post about not reporting blogs where people express feeling suicidal and venting. Somebody in the reblogs mentioned the same applying to ED posts, so I wanted to ask, does that mean we shouldn't report pro-ana blogs either?

Hello!

Yes I saw that addition, I was going to reblog with it but completely slipped my mind.

This absolutely applies to pro-ana blogs. They are highly triggering, yeah, maybe they're even anti recovery, they are all sorts of things, but at the end of the day it's just another hurt mentally ill person in need of support. You can easily unfollow these blogs, you can see easily block them. I would encourage doing so absolutely, it makes me uncomfortable too.

The basic thing we need to understand is what "reporting" someone entails. Think of it as going to the authorities and complaining about this person, that's what reporting is like. Which is why it's fine to do it for hate speech and harassment and spam bots and all that. But when we report mentally ill people for showing signs of mental illness we are giving them up to the authorities to be exterminated or locked up or hidden away and cut off from society and possible support systems or losing a space to vent. No one should have that authority over our lives.

The bottom line is that whether a mentally ill person is recovering or not recovering or doing it in a way you don't like, they still don't deserve to be locked up for it. Idk how the application of such laws works in different cases but the vague wording of "is this person harming themselves or shown the tendency to harm themselves in any capacity" (such as exists in most Psychiatric laws) can easily extend to pro-ana people and then they'll just be further traumatised and that's not gonna help anyone.

Block liberally. Block the tags, block the accounts. But understand at the end of the day that it's no different from vent accounts that just need a space to honestly and in an unfiltered way talk about their depression and self harm and suicidal ideation because it's always better for people to have it out than to hide it away. The more people interact with each other, even if they're sharing tips for such harm to others who are choosing to engage this way, the more community they have and the more chances of having if not recovery then at least a support system to fall back on when things get bad. And remember here to not infantilise mentally ill people by saying they don't know better and are getting badly influenced by pro ana or vent blogs. They are there engaging because they have the same thoughts and need someone to talk to about it in a particular way.

I know people who have been in these circles and yes there is harm happening, but cutting those people off from their community doesn't help them, it just drives them into isolation. People find their way out when they're ready and when they are exposed to different ways of dealing with these things.

Ik I'm not gonna come out looking as a model of sanity for this but I got a lot of my self harm under control through harm reduction that included "allowing" self harm in certain situations till I stopped associating it with coping completely and I've been clean for a long while now.

These things, these self destructive techniques we see are a symptom of larger underlying issues and just stopping that behaviour from being seen or isolating it isn't helping. Being able to vent till you detangle the underlying issues is the way to go about it.

Let people be in charge of their recovery or their choice to not go into recovery yet.

It's their own business.

And trust me, pro ana blogs aren't recruiting people without EDs to start having EDs any more than someone venting about being suicidal is trying to get other people to join them in killing themselves.

Thanks again for the question!

[space-station-nursery]

🌧️⸝⸝ Welcomes to Finns Dream! ⸝⸝☔

⁺　　○ 　 . 　 ⁺　　✦　　⁺ 　 . 　 ✦

⌣ ﹒ ❛ ﹒ My name is Finnegan, but I go by Finn! Please do not call me Finnegan unless we are moots/friends

♪ ﹒ ┊ ﹒ Age: 20!・✦ My pronouns: They/Them! I am NB

⌣ ﹒ ❛ ﹒ I am mixed! I take pride in it anywhere i can

♪ ﹒ ┊ ﹒ Orientation: Pan/ace [possibly]

⁺　　○ 　 . 　 ⁺　　✦　　⁺ 　 . 　 ✦

☂️ ⸝⸝︰{Agere information} ・

﹕ᶻᶻ﹒✦﹒ Role: Flip w/a strong regressor lean・

︶︶ 　 ˚ ◞ Status: I have a CG! His tag is @fdtw1 and he posts car pics from forza! He may make a regression blog one day, but that's his choice &lt;33 ☁️・𓂃 Little type: I am a very Quiet little i've realized. There is a ton of trauma surrounding my regression and it was very hard to regress. Now, with the help of my husband(CG) There is hope! I can only regress for small periods of time, and it needs to be assisted but its a great start and i hope that when we live together itll boost my regression more! ෆ Comfort items: My paci's (i have 2 !!) Kitty; a very old stuffed cat, any of my blankets, my games, my books, my bubby! ︶︶ 　 ˚ ◞ Nicknames: Babi (pronounced baa-bee) babi bear, baby bear, pumpkin, cutie patootie, Babi butt, babitayto (pronounced babi-tato) tatotay, babs

⁺　　○ 　 . 　 ⁺　　✦　　⁺ 　 . 　 ✦

⛈️ ⸝⸝︰{Personal information} ・

⌣◞ ✦ Likes: I love to play and stream video games, I bake, cook, and am an avid reader! Books are a must for me (im saving for a library) I also love making things like discord servers and such! And my bubby, ofc・ ⧣

♪ 　 ⌣ 　〃Dislikes: Uh, bugs, bugbugsbugs, bugs, being purposely misgendered, my friends being purposely misgendered, Confrontation (bubby handles this), being flirted with, uh-.. OH and also bugs :}

🪣◞ Boundaries: Please don't ask me to be your Little. My dms are open for anyone +16 or -26 (i had a bad past with older individuals on tumblr) Listen to me when i tell you no, i mean it. Uh, and that's all i can think of for now

ෆ Other info: I have been a regressor since 13, i am now 20! I also have multiple mental health related issues, and am trying to get diagnosed for ASD as it is super prevalent. Physically i am also not in good health so its a struggle health wise lol. I will also be selling paci's from here!・𓂃⁩ᵎᵎ

⁺　　○ 　 . 　 ⁺　　✦　　⁺ 　 . 　 ✦

☁️ ⸝⸝︰{Tags} ・

‿⁠☆‿ #moodies— For any moodboards I create!

◜⁠#Stimmies﹒— For any stimboards I create!

‿⁠☆‿ #For Bubby— CG tips or appreciation posts I attempt. Anyone can use or repost these, they're just directed at my CG!

◜#W.O.T﹒— Outfits I create for my servers Wear or tear! Anyone can repost these

‿⁠☆‿ #Babi Things— These are either things I make that i wish to share, or just things I like that I am reposting!

◜#AgereSupport﹒— My tag for when im boosting events in my little server

‿⁠☆‿ #DinoLovers— My tag for when im boosting events in my CGs little server

◜#RainyDayPacis﹒— My tag for boosting my shop, or showing off pacis for sale

‿⁠☆‿ #BabiAnswers— My answers tag ◜#BabiReports﹒— My tag for reporting users that break my DNI's. or cross tag who interact with my posts ‿⁠☆‿ #Bubby's happy homework— My happy worksheets tag! These are sheets found by my CG @fdtw1 that we would love to see other littles/dreamers complete!

⁺　　○ 　 . 　 ⁺　　✦　　⁺ 　 . 　 ✦

⛅ ⸝⸝︰{Links} ・

⌣ ﹒ ❛ ﹒ Pronouns Page: https://en.pronouns.page/@FinnegansTravels

♪ ﹒ ┊ ﹒ Carrd: TBD

⌣ ﹒ ❛ ﹒ Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/finneganstravels

♪ ﹒ ┊ ﹒ Insta Shop: https://www.instagram.com/rainydaypaci/

⌣ ﹒ ❛ ﹒ Discords: https://discord.gg/35xMMYsUZQ and https://discord.gg/YrDVpf9uqn (both are verification locked)

⁺　　○ 　 . 　 ⁺　　✦　　⁺ 　 . 　 ✦

☀️ ⸝⸝︰{DNI} ・

・Anti-agere/agedre, NSFW blogs/"SFW" kink blogs, Ddlg/abdl/cgl and other variants, etc

・18+ only / nsfw accounts, etc

・Bigotted peoples (Racist/Homophobic/ableist etc)

・Anti-xenos/anti-neos, etc

・Under 13 or over 27 (you can repost my stuff, but plz do not message me)

・MIKs (minors in kink), MAPs (minor attracted peoples), pro-ana, pro-mia, anti-recovery

・Extreme political left or rightists, religious extremists, Etc

・Pro-lifers/anti-choice

You will be blocked On sight if you do not adhere to my dni.

｀、ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽ(ノ＞＜)ノ ｀、ヽ｀☂ヽ｀、ヽ

[fortunemars]

OH BIO TIME!!! (⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡

Hilo! I'm Deimos, I go by a million names online but here I'd prefer Deimos or Bunny! Does it make sense with my branding? NO, not unless you've been thru the various stages of my branding and have some knowledge of space...

This is really long so read on at your own risk! /⁠ᐠ⁠｡⁠ꞈ⁠｡⁠ᐟ⁠\

So about me, I use He/it and I'm queer + disabled, I'm an adult now (yippie), and I do a lot of writing! This account is mainly a "repost art and randomly go on super detailed tangents about my fixations" but I am super into writing and I love to talk about my interests (⁠^⁠.⁠_⁠.⁠^⁠)⁠ﾉ I have an ask box open where you can send in anything really, I'd really love any that are writing prompts (for fandoms listed below) or general "what's your thoughts on (blank)" submissions, just be warned I can be very long winded and can rant a lot about anything I'm passionate about. (I will also delete any asks that are too personal/rude or inappropriate)

Fandoms I interact with (always changing): MORTAL KOMBAT, fma/fmab, aphmau (MCD, mystreet, and MID), hetalia (rarely), midnight mass, the walten files, fallout (semi rare? More like new), miraculous ladybug, and I can edit later with others! (Ps I also love learning about your original worlds and characters!)

Non fandom content I enjoy: Minecraft, stardew valley, ART (for any fandoms!!!! I will reblog any good art!!!!), pen pals, crafting, poetry, fanfiction, animal media, music + singing + instruments, original characters/self inserts + OCs and original works!!!, gardening, space, info dumping/sharing, I'm open to trying anything (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠✧⁠*⁠。

My ao3 is untilwemeetdeath and my poetry blog is @destinypluto and I'm always open to comments and ideas from y'all! If you wanna be mutuals then send me a message cause I'd love to talk with other people who share my interests!!!

DNI CONTENT BELOW:

My DNI list: anti-cringe, bigots, jesson supporters**, hate blogs, discourse blogs, and mental illness related blogs***, ableists and transphobes especially

**I may enjoy aphmau content (albeit heavily removed from her actual channel) but I do not support aphmau's channel or either Jess or Jason. They're both bad people, they've done bad things, and their new content is cash grabby as shit, I know that. I attach to certain old aphmau content because it was my safe space as a child and I know now how to denounce Jesson and their actions while still enjoying the content I liked as a kid, it's not hurting you so leave me alone :(

***by this I mostly mean those weird pro-ana blogs but I also don't want to consume content centred around EDs in general, nor do I want to see pro self harm, doomers, and people who purposely put others down. I don't mind blogs where you vent or talk about your struggles with mental illness!! As long as you're not posting triggering things without warnings then you're welcomed here!

I have no guilt about hitting that block button and neither should you. If you don't enjoy the content being given to you by your feed then block people!

(((this account was previously burnbirds, if you're looking for that then I'm here!!!!!!)))

[doom-rebel]

this is meant to be neutral/non-hostile, but what is the rationale behind the stuff on your dni... like is it ethical or just stuff you personally dont like? im only asking bc you blog about mass murderers and shit and im trying to parse how you can like. have a moral problem w some of the other stuff but not that

well just cuz i post about murderers don't mean i support what they did first of all. We're just interested in true crime and such, there's no way in hell we like support what they did or anything even if it seems like it. Either way, I just HATE rapists, racists, pedos, stuff like that. They are just fuckin weird and its just something i don't wanna be around. For the Pro-Ana/ED stuff, i just don't like it personally and it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable(?) as someone who has an ED. Pr much, Just cuz i post about murderers doesn't mean i don't have SOME morals. sorry if this don't make any sense i aint all here rn i can go deeper into detail if i need to

[hiltalaine]

People don’t notice how I am dead and in blood, how with there being nothing, and no other animal within my yard when I swear there was another real familiarity of a new rerolled en-cagement, ever allowed to be fate bound as it is incorrect; fatally bound due to succubi lie, and thus anamoured by any resummoning trickery delusionary dream, I walk around nostalgia, familiarity from not being allowed to have total dream control as I was to endure death or be restricted from whatever sensation failure to be a sensation excused of movement and no movement, access or no access, agony or no agony, blink and die problematic and tried so often to remove, these deleted nightmares, dream paralysis, and trust assisting with fate failed with duplicity discord time laundering and the looters , and things that the left side of my body, my stomach cancer cells (what do I even consider my body to be anymore? What is even considered this paste of dead familiarity?)

The house I live in, both the same paper clip, being pained by, my struggle to have access to a working straw; edited (marked by narrator as it was hell to have the tiniest suggestive of this same, I ran out, ridiculous roundabout with unpredictable hell) . It’s always a curse too, the conception that the ceiling will punish me due to the mirror room opening in such a way that made me feel I’m going to endure the severance rather be a breath to glimpse. I’m born to disappear below the death, but how was it that anything else ever allowed to be another want of enforced my physical stay, or use me through computers and have me trained between real and fake death, real, fake life, real or fake simulations, and I know have to as it’s the only way any other guessing foul dreamer can conceive the possible way of creating the absolute chemistry of the favorites; fun drugs, the misinterpretation of human stale human sell to a new generational homestead; requires end. No misinterpretation, no misunderstanding, (to be torn between sensations of sound A and sound B—why did they laugh after I told them I was uploaded DNA, through aneurisms, narcolepsy, and my perception. Why would they cause selective mutism thus enforce hopelessness as the incorrect allowed to be the role of an enjoyer?

why did they ever claim a false pretense of being incorrectly providing of contextual associated meaning; organisms, when I know what I inquire, require, anti desperations dance but for ai.co conceptual silencer,

pro ana meaning pro sustain habitual substance and chemical study as well as it continues on to be pro money rather than death repetition again until something new tells me it’s fixed or felt nonsexually; then, the it’s, the incorrect droids of Druid eye-I captivate.

Maybe taken as a metaphor. Token tail, earwig, infestation, loss of physical access of body from enforcers to be the recreationary role performance chokehold.

Though I know it’s a delusion to believe my home crowds, nor see it, there’s nothing here.

No conscious flow, no conscious resumption, no confusion between fecal matter or meth, weed, deodorant either.

[luv-eddiediaz]

Oh god. No. Not here. Not now. Not with these people. Eddie can't breathe, but he can't let them know he can't breathe. He loosens his tie just a little bit - the one Ana went back for after Eddie was discharged from the hospital.  His nervous laughter is really a way to suck some oxygen back into his lungs, and when a heavy hand touches his elbow, and the smile on its owner’s face distorts. He's going to pass out if he doesn't move, doesn't flee from this spiraling, spinning disaster.

"Could you, uh, could you excuse me?" He asks and plasters on his best charming smile, hoping his voice isn't as high and squeaky as he thinks it is. 

He catches Ana's eye from across the room as he moves through what feels like a sea of strangers. She's worried, but Eddie doesn't stop to explain anything and continues his way to the bathroom, where he locks himself inside and lets himself fall apart the way his body was begging to. 

His fingers curl tight the porcelain of the sink, and he tries, tries to slow his breathing. Finally, he tells himself to stop it in the mirror, even smacks himself across the cheek, but nothing changes. 

There's a soft knock on the door, and Ana's gentle voice comes through the cracks, "Eddie? Are you okay?"

"Fine," he grits out.

"Are you having another attack?"

"I said I'm fine!" his anger and frustration echo too loud against the tile of the bathroom. , get a grip, Diaz. "Can you just get Chris some cake? I'll be right out." 

Ana's fading footsteps are the only answer he gets, and Eddie focuses back on himself. He tries to remember what the pamphlet from the hospital said, or rather, what Buck said it says the night he found it buried on Eddie's counter and read it to him, but his brain is just a white-hot sear of nothing. Eddie pulls out his phone and dials Buck - no time to look for his name in the phone book. He doesn't answer, and Eddie nearly throws the phone into the sink.

"Damn!"

But it's Sunday, and Buck said something about Taylor coming over on Sunday, so, of course, he isn't answering. Eddie thinks for a second, in desperation, he'll call Bobby, but then his phone vibrates, and he sees Buck's smile fill the screen. He rubs his thumb over it before swiping to answer. 

"Buck?" He answers.

"Hey, you called?" Buck asks on the other end of the line, slightly fuzzy, but Eddie can hear the smile in his voice, and the vice around his heart loosens just a little bit.

"Buck?" He asks again as if he can't process anything else. 

"Uh, yea. Are you okay?" 

"No. Panic attack."

"But aren't you at that christening?"

"Yes."

"Shit."

"Buck, help.” He hates how desperate he must sound, but Buck’s already seen him at his most desperate, trying to hold onto his life and knowing, instinctively, that Buck would help him. He would save him.

Buck always saves him. 

" What have you tried?" Buck asks.

"Not much. Nothing. I just, I called you.”

"That’s good. Where are you?"

"Bathroom."

"You need to focus on something besides the panic. So, find me four things you see, Eddie. Try to be specific."

"Okay,” Eddie looks around the bathroom. He sees a million times too many things, and it takes him a second to focus in on something, “Uh, a pink shower curtain,” like your pink sweater that you say is salmon, but Buck, it’s pink. “white rugs,” dazzling white like your teeth when you smile, and that patch of skin that sometimes peeks through under your waistband. “a bristly hairbrush,” god, you’re hair is always so perfect, “and, and curtains on the window. They’re sheer; pink too,” just like that sweater.

"Good,” Buck soothes, “now, three things you can smell."

"Umm, vanilla soap,” sometimes you smell like vanilla, and sugar - like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day, “cinnamon toothpaste,” like in your bathroom, crumpled up in the corner, “my cologne,” you bought me this bottle for Christmas.

"That’s good, Eddie. Two things you can hear." 

"I hear people - outside the door."

"Not them,” Buck tells him, “Two other things. Ignore that sound."

"I hear - I hear crickets outside the open window, and I hear...you. Your voice in my ear, your breath,” I always hear you, even when I don’t want to.

"One thing you can touch," Buck says quietly, and Eddie takes a shaking breath, presses his hand over his chest.

"My heartbeat."

"Is it slower than before?"

"Yes."

"Good. Do you think you're okay?"

“Yea. I um, I’m probably just going to go home, sleep it off.”

“Good idea.”

“Thank you, Buck.”

“Of course.” 

Eddie hangs up and slips his phone back into his pocket. He isn’t panicking anymore, but he doesn’t feel great. He splashes his face with water and tries to smooth down all the places he’s rumpled before he opens the bathroom door and finds Ana on the other side, Christopher sitting next to her on the floor with a plate of cake in his lap.

“Are you okay?” she asks, putting a hand to his cheek, and it burns where there was just cold air against the drying water.

Eddie nods, “I’m okay. But I think I’m probably gonna go. In case it happens again.”

“Let me get my purse.”

“No, you stay. It’s your family. Just tell them I got sick.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yea,” he leans down and kisses her cheek before helping Chris up. 

Neither says much to the other in the car, but Eddie chuckles when Chris rips his suit jacket off the moment the door is closed. He sees the silhouette on the front steps against the fading sun before he gets the truck parked and shakes his head at the realization it’s Buck. 

"What are you doing here?" he asks when Buck jogs up to him.

"I didn't want you to be alone when you got home,” Buck answers quietly and then turns his attention to Christopher once the back door is open, and he’s climbing out, “Hey, buddy, did you have a good time? You look pretty handsome in that suit."

Chris rolls his eyes, "that's what everyone kept telling me. But then they said I would have looked better if I cut my hair.

“Well, you know what? I like this long, floppy look,” Buck ruffles his hand through Chris’s hair. It had definitely gotten long, and maybe a little out of control, but he didn’t want to cut it, and Eddie only remembered being dragged to the barbershop every five weeks to have his hair clipped, no matter how much he begged to keep it just a little bit longer. 

Chris smiles, “thanks, Buck.”

“Do you think you could give me a minute with your dad?” Buck asks when they all get inside the house. Eddie flips on the lamp by the door, and Christopher nods and leaves for his room, closing the door behind him.

“I’m fine, Buck,” Eddie says, walking further into the house, turning on lights as he goes. 

“Okay, but do you wanna talk about what happened?”

“No.”

“Was it too many people?” 

Eddie huffs out a laugh, “I’m half Mexican, Buck; I grew up going to huge parties, family and friends always over on the weekend. That wasn’t it.”

“What was it, then?”

“Why does it matter?” he doesn’t mean to sound as exasperated as he does, but sometimes Buck just brings it out of him. 

“Because if you can figure out what’s triggering you, you can figure out how to control the panic better.”

“I don’t panic.”

“You didn’t, but now you are. So let’s try and figure out why.”

Eddie sighs, “can I have a beer while we do it, at least?”

“If I get one too.”

They go into the kitchen, and Eddie takes two beers from the fridge and cracks one open before handing it to Buck. He watches him take a long, slow sip. Eddie’s hands start to shake around the glass, and he forces himself to look away, down at the shine of his shoes to keep whatever is trying to rise pushed down.

“Was there like some kind of a loud noise?” Buck asks. 

“No. It isn’t - loud noises have never bothered me.”

“Things have changed a little bit, though.”

“I don’t think they have anything to do with being shot. I know no one wants to believe me, but I’m fine about that.”

“Maybe no one wants to believe you because you were shot. That doesn’t happen to most people even once, and it’s happened to you twice.”

“I know, but I swear to you, I’m okay. I don’t think that’ what this about.”

“If you say so. Let’s recount the night then. What happened right before it started?”

“Ana’s great aunt, she - she said I was perfect for Ana -  a good addition to their family.”

Buck takes another swig from the bottle; his eyebrows are knitted in thought. If Chim or Hen were there, they’d make a joke about him not straining himself, and they’d only be kidding, but Eddie knows Buck has a lot of thoughts, a lot of good, deep ones, that maybe Eddie is the only one to have ever heard, “And didn’t you say the first time was after the salesman referred to Ana as Chris’s mom?”

“Yea,” Eddie says quietly.

“Do you think maybe you’re just having a hard time with how serious your relationship is getting?”

“It’s not getting that serious.”

“Eddie, she introduced you to like all her family, you went to an important family event, her great-aunt thinks your excellent husband material.”

Eddie’s breath catches in his throat, and he coughs, trying to force it out, but it sits there like a bubble trying to choke him, and the kitchen starts to spin, turquoise spiraling into stainless steel, spiraling into Buck. 

“Stop, stop saying things like that,” he sputters out.

“You’re starting to panic again, aren’t you?” Buck asks.

“When the hell did it get so serious? I was just - I don’t know what I was doing. I liked her, but I didn’t mean-”

Eddie backs against the counter next to the sink, he tries to loosen his tie, but he can’t make his fingers work. Then Buck crosses the space between them and replaces Eddie’s hand with his own, pulling down on the knot and unbuttoning Eddie’s collar. “Breathe; breathe,” he whispers to him and puts his hands on Eddie’s shoulders, and he’s so close Eddie has no choice but to look at him. He feels his hand in Buck’s, slowly pressing against the other man’s chest.

“Breathe with it,” Buck says of his heartbeat, and Eddie closes his eyes. It takes a few moments, but soon his breath is in sync with Buck’s heartbeat, and he’s not sure he’s ever felt this kind of calm before.

“Okay?” Buck asks. 

“No, but yes.”

“I’m gonna ask you something, and I need you to be honest - not for me, but for yourself.”

“O-okay.”

“Do you want Ana to be in your future? Your far future?”

“No,” he answers quickly, but it’s a question he’s asked himself before and was just too afraid to say out loud,  “but -”

“But what? Chris likes her?”

“Yes!” Eddie shouts.

“Maybe he does, maybe he even loves her a little, but he loves you more, and he wants you to be happy, and he knows you aren’t happy, and he probably knows it’s because of her.”

“He does?”

“Yes,” Buck takes Eddie’s hand away from his heart, but he doesn’t let go of it,  “your heart knows it too, and it’s screaming at you, Eddie, but you aren’t listening.”

“I wanted to be ready, to move on from Shannon, not just after she died, but long before that too.”

“I know.”

“Am I never going to be ready?” He can feel the wet of his eyes as he blinks up at Buck, vulnerable once again in front of him.

“I think you are, but not with Ana, and that’s okay. I mean, she’s the first person you seriously dated besides your wife, Eds. So it’s okay that she isn’t the right fit, and it’s okay if it takes you a little while longer to find who is.”

“Is Taylor your right fit?” Eddie blurts out, and it makes Buck let go of his hand.

“Whoah, we’re talking about you here.”

“Is she? It’s been four months, and you’re still together; she’s still actually here.”

“Yea, she hasn’t run away from me yet, and ya know, we have a good time.”

“She makes you happy?”

“Y-yea. I mean, am I ready to ask her to marry me? No, but I gave her a drawer last week.”

“A drawer?”

“Yea. She’s only got a few things in it; honestly, she lives more in the news van than anything.”

“You gave Taylor a drawer. In your loft?”

“Am I mumbling or something? A drawer, yes. In my loft.”

“That’s uh - that’s cool.” But, damnit, Eddie can’t do this for the third time. He doesn’t have the strength left. He grips the dishtowel hanging from the knife drawer just to ground himself to something.

“You okay?”

“Yep, yep.”

“You’re looking a little panicky. Maybe it’s not just Ana. Maybe you’ve just got a real fear of commitment thing going on. Even if it’s mine.”

“Shit,” his chest hurts this time, and his whole body is hot, but he’s shivering.

“Put your hand back on my heart.”

“No, no! God, that’s going to make this worse.”

“What? Why? It worked last time.”

“Exactly. And in the bathroom, it was you, so much you,” Eddie’s knees are weak now. He isn’t sure how much longer he can stay upright, and suddenly everything, fucking everything, smells like Buck.

“Eddie, you’re not making any sense.”

“I need you to go. Can you go, please?”

“I’m not going to leave you like this.”

And, of course, Eddie knows Buck won’t leave him. Buck will do just about anything Eddie asks, but he won’t do this. He won’t leave Eddie when Eddie needs him so badly. 

“Buck, please, you’re making things worse.”

“How am I making things worse?”

“Because you’re the only one who can make them better!”

“Eddie, Eddie.” Buck wraps Eddie up in his arms before he can fall to the floor, probably hitting his head on the way down. The instant calm he feels with Buck’s body pressed hard against his, his soft breath hitting the curve of Eddie’s neck terrifies him. It isn’t a new fear, but it’s one he’s been feeling so much more lately, one he can’t seem to ignore. He’s so tired from his body trying to run away from everything; his bones ache, his chest is sore. Finally, he closes his eyes and gives in to the fear, stops trying to fight or flee, and just lets Buck hold onto him. His fingers rake through Eddie’s sweat-slicked hair as Eddie’s breathing starts to slow.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Buck whispers into Eddie’s throbbing temple.

“It’s not okay at all.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m in love with you,” he rushes out in one broken breath, “it isn’t just that Ana feels wrong; it’s that you feel right. You’ve always felt right.”

Buck is quiet for what feels like a hundred moments before he finally seems to have something to say.

“Huh,” he breathes out from the back of his throat.

“That’s all you have to say?”

“What would you like me to say?”

“I don’t know. You could say that I’m insane, that you love Taylor, that you’re not into men, not into me.”

“I could say any of that, but then I’d be lying to you.”

“What?”

“Look, Eddie, I-I don’t know if I’m in love with you, but I feel something. Something more than I’ve ever felt with anyone, and I kinda keep thinking it’s going to go away, but it never goes away.”

“Huh.”

Buck laughs and gently sits Eddie up, tangled across Buck’s long legs, still safe in his arms, “are you okay?” he asks.

“I think I am.”

“Good.”

Buck presses a kiss to the tip of Eddie’s nose, and Eddie smiles before he tilts his chin, so Buck’s lips fall against his. It’s a slow, quiet kiss that lasts only a few seconds before they both pull away. 

Eddie is so tired he can barely keep his eyes open, so he lets them slip closed, lets Buck hold him closer in the middle of the kitchen floor until he falls asleep. 

[lostcitysystem]

★ dni/byf★

★ dni: ★

basic dni i.e. racists, antisemites, islamophobes, MAPs, zoophiles, LGBTQ+phobic etc

anti-BLM

anti-Palestine/ultra-zionists/israel supporters

pro-life supporters

jk rowling/harry potter etc supporters (it’s okay to like HP just pirate it or something and consume it critically- also introjects are fine)

transid, transabled, transrace etc or supporters

radqueer (those who support transid mentioned above & MAPs/zoophiles/consang etc)

pro-contact and pro-glorification/romanticisation/normalisation of dangerous paras such as MAP/zoo/consang etc (as in thinking they should be considered natural/acted upon)

autism speaks/forced ABA/Sia/PETA supporters

truscum/transmed/TERF/radfem etc

NSFW heavy accounts (we understand but we would prefer if you didn’t follow or followed on a different account)

DDLG/CGL/loli/shota etc accounts & supporters

raptophilia/biastophilia/con-noncon accounts (same reasoning as NSFW accs)

pro-ana/ED accounts and anti-fat/fatshaming accounts

non-traumagenic “systems”

believers in narcissistic abuse

those who demonise personality disorders (especially ASPD, NPD & cluster b)

★ we are pro: ★

choice

neopronouns/xenogender/neurogender etc (just generally chill with most gender/pronoun/sexuality expressions)

body positivity/neutrality etc

non-sexual age regression

self diagnosis (with adequate research obviously)

BLM/ACAB/Palestine & more

★byf: ★

since we are bodily 23, as a general rule we are a little uncomfortable forming friendships with those below the age of 17. it’s okay to message us/ask us questions/follow us/rb etc but in general we think it’s a bit weird to have genuine friends that much younger than us, even online (mutuals are okay though). if you have an understanding of our age difference and the dynamics that accompany it then it should be okay but please always check we are comfortable with this. we are also in a long term relationship so we do not like flirting and will block you if it persists.

we have trouble with understanding tone over messages so if you ask us stuff or message us we would love if you used tone tags :)

★views on endos: ★

we believe that it is impossible for a system/person to be endogenic as trauma is the reason that someone’s self splits into pieces in the first place. despite this, we do not inherently dislike people identifying as endos and do understand that many are misguided and either are traumagenic or have other mental health conditions that mirror symptoms of DID/OSDD etc (or could be confused for them) or are confusing being a system with just having different parts in your mind (see IFS therapy). however, in our opinion, the endo community has contributed to a completely unscientific view of dissociative disorders and dissociation itself which in turn creates a bad name for systems and those who experience dissociation. we abhor the use of terms like ‘sysmed’ or ‘traumascum’ (note the similarity to the transphobe community terms- also completely fine to reclaim these if you’re a system who is trans though) and believe a lot of the rhetoric in endo communities is anti-science and can lean toward cultural appropriation or other radical views (like transphobia). again just because you believe you are an endo, it doesn’t mean we hate you or even dislike you, we would just prefer if you didn’t interact. the main thing we’re against is misinformation. if you have any other questions please feel free to send us an ask or pm but understand that we may not always be in the headspace to debate/argue our beliefs.

★we are very happy to explain our dni to people and don’t necessarily believe everyone on this list (bar obvious exceptions) is a bad person so if you’re confused about anything feel free to dm us or send us an ask. we know a DNI rarely works but we feel it’s a good way for people to understand our views. this DNI is updated regularly, check back in. we also recognise many of these criteria are only applicable to online spaces and can even be classed as “chronically online” yet since we have created a space for ourselves online, we want it to be curated to our personal preferences and comforts. additionally, we are aware that having certain things in our dni may subject us to attempts to trigger us. rest assured that this dni is written fairly carefully and the subjects/“identities” mentioned only trigger us in specific and unmentioned circumstances.★