#but nope!!! i couldnt even have that!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

felsicveins · 7 months

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I have a primal need to see Julian get confronted by John dorys brothers.

I know branch would be ready with a bat lol

Julien found dead in Miami

#MESSYYYYY!!!!!!!#trolls #trolls 3 #trolls band together #trolls oc #trolls oc julien #john dory #john dory trolls #jd trolls #branch trolls #trolls branch #brozone #trolls comic #dreamworks trolls #i love my messy guy what can i say #he gets even messier but i havent decided if its canon or not #anyyywayyy ive had this laying around for a while i couldnt decide if i was gonna color it #nope! i have a bunch of ither stuff to color instead now #jd ex husband

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gammija · 4 months

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so, has anyone actually seen a popular influencer unironically talk like that, with that amount of twitter speak? I specifically don't mean just using online slang or AAVE, but to that degree. if you have, plz drop a link. (do influencers even say 'big mood' anymore? what's a mood about holding a shovel?)

#i actually tried to find examples #i dont watch beauty vloggers but i looked them up #even downloaded tiktok #but nope #oh sure people had the exaggerated cadence #some going off/wig snatching/no capping/whatever sprinkled in as you do #but.... still nothing that made Madam E sound in any way like a real person #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #if you couldnt tell i did not like this case #i could talk about it more but first i need to make sure that im really not missing the reference #hence this post #i dont think i am missing something because i do watch some vloggers who use more of these words than the average youtube essayist #and weirdly enough/s they're all black #by which i dont mean that this case is on purpose racist or anything #but that alex might simply not have thought about this part of internet culture beyond 'heh cringe lol'#joos yaps

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im-a-lil-bitch-boi · 1 year

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my mom: ur not autistic, stop

also her: describes aspects of my childhood that r v obvious signs of autism

#autism #im 99.99999% sure im autistic #asd #autism spectrum disorder #actually autistic #autistic things #autistic adult #like srsly shed be like #“oh yea when u were a toddler u used to spin alot and even when u fell u got back up to spin again”#or #“whenever u fell u used to cry alot even tho u were physically fine”#“ur a v picky eater”#botch those r autistjc traits???#jus bc i didnt have obvious “meltdowns” dont mean shit #also i hate callin them “meltdowns” bc its literally jus a fuckin breakdown due to sensory overloads like 99% of the time #also i was apparently diagnosed w “pure laziness” as a kid despite the fact that i did a majority of wut i was told #im sorry that child me couldnt help but piss the bed bc of anxiety??? like that loterally a sign of childhood anxiety but nope #i was “too smart” 🙄#“you cant be autistic ur in the gifted program”#bjtch stfu all gifted kids r neurodivergent

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aria0fgold · 7 days

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So happy with my current follow-up team! Moze really makes my Ratio shine, finally that man is useful for once.

#aria rants #having both moze and jiaoqiu in my ratio team is sooo fun! ratio gets to do his followup 100% all the time now and theres even #a moze thatd tag team with him i love it now. yaknow the grumpiness ive been having with ratio? this guys stats is my 2nd highest #hes my 2nd strongest character (1st being argenti) and yet i couldnt even use him well enough cuz i had to skip topaz for someone #else and then i wanted aven but the guy dodged him so badly. my kafka shines better in dot dedicated teams so shes never compatible #with ratio despite also having a followup mechanic herself. so i RARELY get to use my ratio at his full potential and everytime.#EVERYTIME! i see this guy Not do his followup AT 80%! my irritation for him grows. doesnt even help that hes my 2nd #strongest cuz the mf acts so much like my weakest character. HE HAS 209% CRIT DMG WHY IS HE LIKE THAT #i didnt even intend for him to be that strong. i just wanted him to be strong enough for me to use but rng says: nope!#finally tho... after getting jiaoqiu i finally got to bring ratio out without the disappointment of his wretched followup #and now i have moze!!! HES FINALLY USEFUL FOR ONCE WITHOUT ME GETTING IRRITATED! FINALLY!

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muffetscollector · 1 month

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Did I mention I INTENSLY hate people who lazily write their villains by just summing them up as "mental illness" and when confronted on it they LIST THEIR SOURCE MATERIAL AS FUCKING SHIT THAT STIGMATIZES MENTAL ILLNESS?? LIKE LETS FUCKING GO?? THANKS FOR PROVING MY POINT?? YOU COULDNT EVEN GIVE A SHIT TO TELL THE ACTUAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN OCD AND GOD COMPLEX CORRECT?? LIKE "OC WHATSIT AND COMPLUH?? JUST SLAP ONE OF THEM ON THESE GLARINGLY OPPOSITE SYMPTOMS AND CALL IT A DAY ALREADY" Way to grossly mishandle, mislabel and even romanticize (making thirst posts) of your lazy ass villain character. It's all around just shitty.

#all caps #personal #vent #mental illness #ocd #i love being misrepresented for the content yall #i love being wrongly villainized for the content #like you couldnt even write a villain that just so happened to have a mental illness nope #their whole charaxter IS mental illness and iTS THE WRONG FUCKING ONE WHAT A FUCKWIT #Sorry but SHIT like that fucks with me a lot N its DISGUSTING with how little they care about how it effects the people theyre WRITING ABOUT

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toastsnaffler · 2 months

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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around #pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable #my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters #no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time #gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt #but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years #and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again #but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and #others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard #it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl #bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either #and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for #but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own #bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me #but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form #and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind #and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will #and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing #and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense #its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out #and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up #and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain #its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit #and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after #or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life #i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever #and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it #and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel #thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable

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bo0zey · 2 years

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Did I miss "back from the war" recreation or is that not happening

OK so i've been meaning to address this for a while because it’s actually something i've been genuinely annoyed/sad/upset about; my original plan to recreate the post was to go to riot fest & have someone take pics of me during MCR live in person (caption wouldve been something like ‘when will mcr--omg they;re Back from the Warfdskns’ lol idk). i ended up 2nd row from the barrier & i was like OMG bc i didn’t expect to get so close & i was like ‘WOW these r gonna b such GR8 PICTURES!!i;m so lucky!!this is gENIUS!’ & so my plan was literally going according to/even better than planned right?? i mean the fact that i was ~a few feet away from the stage n was ~1.5hrs away from seeing mcr LIVE??? my plan was going along SUSPICIOUSLY well..everything was falling into place TOO perfectly...it was almost to good to be true right??? IT WAS. everything went to shit & my plan fell thru during the last band before MCR when my body suddenly fell victim to the effects of being crowd crushed for >7 hours straight; i experienced syncope & was pulled over the barrier & out of the pit by security.

sooooo, you didn’t ‘miss’ anything; the post was supposed to be recreated at the concert, but the universe pulled an uno-reverse on me when it remembered i’m on the universal ‘Do Not Ever Allow to Be Truly Happy’ list lol. i meant to post an update abt my failed plan afterwards, but tbh the actual event in itself made me wanna fr kms, and i felt even guiltier/worse for being unable to fulfill my promise to u all bc i fr planned on recreating it at the concert. 'ok but u were still at the concert after u got pulled out’ ok physically yes but mentally N-Ooo. due to the hypoxia (lack of blood blow/oxygen to the brain) i’d obtained secondary to being crowd crushed PLUS the psychological trauma of being removed against my living breathing dying will from the pit (btw the psychological trauma has nothing to do with being crowd-crushed but im not gonna get into that turmoil rn lol), i was stuck in an altered mental state for the remainder of the concert. i was dissociated for mcr’s entire set until i woke up the next morning & it took ~3-4 days for my body to fully recover from the physical trauma of being crowd crushed.

i still plan on recreating the post eventually, but tbh it’s not rlly my top priority atm bc 1) i still can’t come to terms w/ the fact i lost my 1 n only chance to experience MCR live & 2) imo seeing MCR live was the perfect opportunity to recreate the post & that clearly didn’t work out for me sooo now i have no idea how else i can top that idea :( .

#i have an idea but i’m not sure if it’ll work...imma need mcr 2 pull thru n meet me halfway on this 1 lol #anywyas i h8 talking abt riot fest i feel like every1 h8s me whining abt it too lol #i was so angry and upset with the world and myself. i really tried so hard to stay conscious;#ppl were asking if i was ok & i kept nodding yes because i didn’t want to be pulled out of the pit bc #then i’d lose my spot + my ONLY chance to see MCR live & so up close.#next thing i know i’m being pulled over the barrier by security and WHOOSH into dissociationville i go.#they were too much for my brain to handle so i’d just fall back even more into that weird dissociated state #i honestly would have preferred to not have even attended the concert. like HONESTLY 100% deadass i wish i didnt even go.#like imagine urself in my shoes lol i went from being 2nd row from the stage to like 70000 rows away.#yall dont understand how awful it is to have such a golden opportuntiy to be 1 hr n a few feet away from the band who saved u #to having it all ripped away from u in literally a matter of seconds #if i’d just stayed home my 12y/o little wouldn’t have had to experience the psychological trauma of having everything to having nothing.#my 15/16 year old teen wouldnt have had to re-live the experience of realizing there’s nothing left #in this world to comfort/protect/save her OR her childself #22 year old me realizing i failed them and all the other parts of me. i cant be happy i cant have shit in this world #i couldnt have my mom but at least i had mcr right??? nope lol that got ripped out of my fingertips too #i cant even begin to describe the emotional damage/psychological blow the situation had on me bc like #i cant even put it into words and i know nobody will truly understand/believe me when i say how heartbreaking & detrimental this #situation was for my already fucked up psyche. or they’ll think im exaggerating but its like u dont get it #ive lost so many things and people i spent my entire childhood/adolescence maladaptive daydreaming.#at age 12 mcr became my escapism for ~4yrs straight bc they were the only thing that made me happy #while all the other ppl in the real world in my day to day life were making me wanna kms everyday #like ik it sounds extreme/dramatic but ??? i mean i dont even fully understand my reaction tbh.#i think its just mcr used to be my happy place n then i get to see them live and its just an absolute nightmare #and the fact that i was dissociated from their concert when they used to be the only thing to keep me grounded to this earth???#truly i wish i didnt even go like i cant even listen to their music anymore without wanting to crawl out of my skin #when the only thing that made u feel alive made u feel deader than ever inside....yeahhhhh not fun!!#its a heartsinking feeling i hate it so much i wish i had a doever #mcr #when will mcr return from the war

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bunnyb34r · 9 months

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Yay the crabs gifts came! I really hope this food I got them is good, it had good reviews. The "color enhancer" one is just dried cherries, blueberries, and grapes lol I've been bamboozled! (Not really lol this is just cheaper than buying those ingredients individually)

Mom's package arrived too and she forgot she ordered that shit sgdgdggd like I can assure you I did not buy them myself. I'm trying to forget what it was so I'll be suprised lol

Just waiting on: skates for mom (after Christmas atm :( ), 2 of those kidney bean shaped food bowls for the crabs bc I broke one and I really like them sgsgdgdg, knee pads for mom's skates, and the cat hat for our kitty/bean (she's not gonna tolerate it much so it's "also" Bean's)

So I SHOULD be done, but I might stop at a store or two to pick up some small things

#marquilla #we're gonna get a helmet in a store so she can be sure it fits and all that. i personally think shes gonna use them once and be like NOPE!#TOO OLD!!! and set them aside sgdggdgd but she really really wanted them and i couldnt find them last year bc she wants quad skates #and they only sell in line skates in stores for adults :/#ive tried both before and i cannot do it sgdgdggd i can only ice skate bc of ice physics i swear #im gonna give the crab's the food now but i might wrap up the bowls sgdgdg not like theyd care they dont know #what a present is or Christmas (even though speedy CHIRPED LOUDLY when i played Christmas music #in my room sgdgdgd idk if he liked it or not but he never did that with reg music)#they have little stockings though that i hang up every year dgdgdggd and we found tiny ones too so those are up #ANYWAY

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halinski · 1 year

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Trigger warning for sh topic in tags, just me rambling, dont read, if you do its at your own risk of wasting your time lol 🙈

#so when i met tyler last saturday i was like...#thinking about making it my goal to not sh for a year or smth #like make a big gesture of going clean #maybe like the next time i meet him i could have been like: i've been clean since you signed my arm!!#but oh boy #i knew in the back of my mind that night that that wouldnt be possible #i was like: well maybe maybe i can just not hurt myself in the primary qay #*way #i couldn't even promise no scars #couldn't promise no blood no bruises #i can't promise shit #and now i'm here like 3 days later already ready to give up #having clear goals makes me wanna go do the exact opposite #makes me want to go worse #not like /actually/ bc if i were to literally break my fingers i couldnt work and as soon as i could i would be working he phone #and nope nopidity nope #thats the last thing im gonna do #ignore me #the sh thoughts are never easy to deal with #tyler has no idea the impact he ever had on me that i actually made it 4 months clean before #that i ever tried #and managed to stay clean #like #i used to be so obsessed i would shake and be unabke to fall asleep and would literally panic that bad things would happen if i didnt sh #and it was through derek hale that i actually attempted to stop the first time #when i was 17 #lasted 2 weeks and that was 10 years ago and im not sure i can do 2 weeks anymore again #but it was huge #it's been 16-ish years since i've been clean of physical sh for longer than 4 months #a really bad habit

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doomxdriven · 2 years

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okay but this.

#rudbornn: dash com and banter #//rudbornn made the wisest decision possible that day. he would not have survived LMFAO #//ofc he couldnt actually /know/ just what their deal was but... i feel like he could sense just how powerful they were #//like not even like spiritual power wise like def that but also just on a baser level he could feel it #//he looked into her eyes and saw nothing but death #//he knew they were way more fearsome than they presented and he was just 'nope. not today. goodbye' SDHISFGSDFGSDGJH.#//anyway im here and i am gonna try to write some stoof today... we'll see

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years

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...

#me this morning: wtf am i gonna do today? might as well set up samples and be productive i guess #bc i couldnt possibly try to enjoy my day or try to clean up my apartment or do any of thr million non school related things i should do #sigh... nope im here in the lab setting up samples. blurring the time away #i just wanna draw. thats all i really wanna do. draw poor bby narut0. and like its weird. i dont understand other ppl #like all i wanna do all the time is draw and learn. and even when im doing other things that usually what i want to do #so ill be in the middle of some event. feeling nothing and thinking abt those things #like idk thats why its so hard when ppl r like: what do u like to do? bc its only 2 things obsessively so i likd to do them but i also have #to so its also stressful. and when i do other things im like glad for the experience but i also dont feel anything abt it #idk it just feels like im not processing things right. but idk u dont have to like things that u feel ur supposed to #but if i just dont engage with the things i feel nothing abt my world becomes even smaller. so im stuck driving myself nuts doing the same #things over and over but i don't even kno what i want to do differently bc i dont like anything. v annoying and frustrating if u have to #engage with me bc there r all these rules #but anyway thats y im so excited to start a phd bc then school will occupy my time and ill b more interested in my day job #im just so ready to leave this place. i wanna go back to the mountains #unrelated

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aviatrix-ash · 2 years

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Probably not making any art these next few weeks, learned recently the faa decided late next month will be when they change my exams/requirements, so if I don't get these done before then I'll be tested on new plane maintenance stuff when I've spent the last 2 years learning old plane maintenance stuff. It works out for me personally tho, as it seems now, I will be doing very very old plane maintenance stuff post school.

But I can't lie when I mention they needed to update aviation maintenance curriculum. It has rarely been updated since about the 1950s. :'))

So yah, I'm like 75-80% ready for this exam, I'd have had it done sooner but I've been fighting burnout for real. Been going at this almost nonstop for over 2 years now. Had a couple 2 week breaks in between, it helped a little. I'm at the point where the burnout has been hovering so long tho it's hard to recognize it some days. But Iwould like to get this done and out the way before the sky cops screw me out of nearly 800 bucks for 2 exams I've been studying my ass off for. ((':

Plus I want that license in my hand so bad. It's a deep personal thing. I've worked even longer and harder just to get stable on my feet long enough to be able to go back to school. Just got 2 1/2 months left tho, won't be too hard, it's just getting thru it. That victory will be sweet tho, and then that's when the real fun (and more flying) begins 😌

#no yall thisnis not some hustle bullshit thing im assing much of this for real #the class is easy as all hell i just need a good long nap #this is 1000% a personal internal fight kinda thing. ive had to give up professional flying school thx to my straight mom stealing that #from me after she didnt even try topay her half of the bills and made us homeless about the time #i graduated hs and repeatedly did so throughout my life she just didnt want to get a job and believed her own bullshit #she tried to do it again about 3 years ago when i tried attending college and would have had full ride scholarships but nope i #had to stop school to keep a roof overhead. its a long stoy i dont want to go into detail #but yah its a deeply personal thing. and getting the card in hand is my personal victory fuckoff to #the people who said i couldnt/shouldnt do this sort of thing and they also tried to stop me along the way #this stuff i do with planes makes me inexplicably happy i love it so much. i will continue to do so as long as i please #buncha oldfucks just hated to see me happy and wanted me to be something else. screw that. i do what i want 😌#ash squawks

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orcelito · 2 years

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OK listen I'm still not quite sold on them being a pairing But

Kisara and Dohalim r killing me anytime they r next to each other. Making me feel very bisexual

#speculation nation #yes i put kisara in the angel getup look it just fits #plus the dark armor. oughhh #and of course i put dohalim in his dark outfit too. it just looks too good #LIKE in an ideal world they would be. a lesbian and a gay man. they just have those vibes.#but also i am not immune to Dohalim borderline confession poetry #and also the fact that they r both Incredibly beautiful people. and side by side... oughhhhhh #we'll see if the game manages to convince me. im still on the fence. but a lot of ppl seem to ship them So . we'll see #either way they r definitely not straight and i will uphold that to the end of the earth #they could be bi4bi tho. i could accept that.#alphen and shionne r basically canon lol and i couldnt stop it even if i wanted to #law and rinwell r cute and also so fucking oblivious. theyre both so clueless. it's adorable.#they obviously have crushes on each other but they dont even recognize it themselves #too busy relentlessly teasing each other. and ykno what good for them #they'll figure it out eventually.#shoutout to a game that can get me to appreciate straight pairings lmao like Sure i guess i'll join this boat if it's well written #ive been busy working on side quests now that i can finally access the rest of the world again #land of water shit was BRUTAL.........#but im killing giant monsters left and right so let's goooooo #tho theres a handful where i start the fight and im like Nope nope nope nope nope #the weird earth wind and water appearances... huh...#LAW WANTING SO BAD TO FIND THE FANCY FLOWER FOR RINWELL but im sorry that deer is too scary. we'll get it eventually.#enjoying this game. and enjoying the chance to properly level up. Oh yea

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aria0fgold · 2 months

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OHMYGOD! This was the most intense thing I've ever had in hsr, ohgoodness...

You can see the lil sliver of health of the enemies cuz they were on ONE PERCENT! AND THEY KILLED THREE CHARACTERS! They even killed Geppie but cuz of his special revival thing, he got up and I was spamming his ult like crazy, I was holding my breath hoping that the special technique thing from my gold equation can kill them off or so help me god. This was on Extrapolation Threshold Protocol THREE!

Yeah Geppie, same expression. Look at you, you sole survivor! This is why I'm so proud of you, thank you for surviving long enough for the enemies to die by god's hand oh goodness...

#aria rants #this is what happens when i take out luocha from the team. never remove luocha. luocha is The Lifeline #i had such terrible rng with this run that i couldnt even kill the 2nd stage boss (it was dormancy) and i was fully prepared to just #abandon the run entirely but turns out i had the curio that lets me retreat from battle and itd register as a win so i kept going #i had to remove luocha cuz the weighted curio i ended up with here was one involving fire characters and i was like:#well the effect from the gold equation lets me have that special shield thing so long as i have geppie so ig its alright #NOPE! NO IT WAS NOT! the moment i saw the berserk icon appeared i was like: oh im fucked. gallagher cant heal em quick enough #good grief... this was painful but YAY WOO YIPPEE WOOHOO!!! I WON! i didnt think id win it honestly THANK YOU GEPPIE!

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some-random-fandom-chick · 26 days

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#gonna ramble in the tags because my brain sucks and if i put this in my own personal discord server im gonna see it all the time #so id rather throw it here and forget about it and have it drowned out by various fandom posts and other posts i simply find neat #existential anxiety is an absolute fucking bitch and i hate that it randomly haunts me often for no reason #i have however figured out that its exacerbated by stress and feeling a lack of control over my life #cause one day im gonna be old and close my eyes for the last time and thats it #i wont wake up in a new life and forget this one i wont be in a number of fictional universes i enjoy #i wont even wake up in an afterlife #hell even if there is on (i believe there is) i wont see it cause i have aphantasia #i see absolute sweet fuck all in my head! even my dreams tend to be kinda fuzzy and tunnel visioned!#im nearly 30 and as a kid i oculd never conceive of life beyond my teens and as a teen i couldnt imagine my 20s #and now im turning 29 this year ive temporarily moved halfway across the world to be with my fiance of 8 years in an attempt to make this #move permanent and... ive done nothing truly significant #i wanted to work in languages as a teen primarily because i loved hetalia at the time and it sparked my desire to truly understand history #and culture and communication and finally connect with people #it really should have been obvious to the career coach lady that i was autistic seriosuly how the fuck did it go unnoticed by everyone #except my mother and she didnt even support me properly!#youd think that this anxiety would propel me into doing the things i want to do which rn is photography #but nope! all it does is make me scared to sleep because what if thats the last time i close my eyes and i dont know it?!#so now im here occasionally publishing my silly tiktok videos #doing my best to not backhand mil or shake my fiance because they talk like a baby sometimes and that sets off various buttons with me #for reasons i havent fully figured out yet #i have so many friends and interests and the family i still speak to is lovely and supportive #though lets not get into nanny getting old and knowing that itll be time to say goodbye to her though hopefully not for another decade #but yeah. my brain sucks i cant afford to go back to therapy rn because im unemplyed #the job hunt sucks cause canadas job market is somehow worse than englands and i cant even get financial support here cause temp resident #and every so often my brain just throws this existential bullshit at me for no reason #im gonna go do the souless job search now #and set this to not be reblogged because frankly no one needs to be inflicted with this in their head

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thatdemiboymess · 3 months

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Both my computers have given up on life and I am so sad and so very bored. Couldn't even do my full Gaia dailies, today. 😞

#fae irl #i tried to get the laptop to work at least but nope #itll run kali but wont run windows and while indonhave kali on it i dont actually have the login stuff for it #my partner put kali on there ages ago when i first got it to see if hed like to use it and then couldnt uninstall it or whatever #its been a pain in my ass ever since cause when the laptop forst boots up inonly have a few seconds to tap down to the windows system before #kali boots up by default which we also do not know how to change #and now it taunts me oh so viciously #because i dont know the login for it and its the only operating system my laptop is willing to run now #windows is claiming i have a hard drive issue on the laptop so refuses to run #spent like 5 hours doing everything i could to get it to work today with no luck #and we still dont know what exactly is wrong with my desktop either #.....im really just feeling like theres no reason for me to bother even waking up anymore asdfghjkll--#my entire life is confined to inside this apartment man #to the point my partners mom apparently looked him in the eyes and straight up told him #that my lifestyle is going to lead to early onset alzheimers lolol #(<- this is not funny at all im just lolol-ing because i dont know how else to cope with that)#its not even like i really want to live like this either man...but like??? what else is there???#im disabled and live on a big ass hill with no sidewalks and i have no money and every free space is a parking lot and you can get arrested #for loitering everywhere you go and theres nothing to do at what one park there is here if it even really counts as a park #industrial hellscape #and im not really allowed outside by myself and even if i were at this point id be too scared to go outbon my own...like...its been 5 years #...i havent been outside by myself in like 5 or 6 years now man...#and i have no friends either #im lonely and scared and bored and depressed tbh #oh well #at least i have tumblr where i can just say stuff into the void #even if it just gets lost out there

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