#but nooooo let's put bruce

[notfeelingthyaster]

jason nightwinging was better than bruce nightwinging. tim would be the obvious choice, he is like smaller penis guy no one would notice, and he has no job since he is clinging to robin. cass would be a good choice. duke would be an okay choice. even steph would be a better choice, actually, even if she is blonde, we put a cowl on her and it's solved. ANYONE. BUT. BRUCE.

[angelbaby-fics]

Cg stucky x little reader x little Peter where he is the older bro and very protective about his little sis and they go to the avenger tower but she is in babyspace and non-verbal and he won't let anyone near her and is like "nooooo she to tiny you make her owie" and when someone else than their caregivers try to pick her up he Hit the person and get punished by daddies

Baby's Bodyguard

Word Count: 800

A/N: This is such a sweet idea!!!! I love big bro Peter & there's gonna be a lot more of him coming in the future I think 💕 Also nobody yell at me but I haven't actually watched Hawkeye & I don't know anything about Kate imsosorry enjoy!! 💕

Joining the Rogers-Barnes family as their precious and littlest baby was the greatest thing that happened to everyone involved, but nobody took on a greater pride than your big bubba Peter. Steve and Bucky had been worried at first that he wouldn’t take it well, no longer being an only child and the absolute center of their attention. To their surprised delight, however, Peter took on his new older sibling responsibilities with a soldier’s pride. 

Any time you were out on an errand or playing in the park, Peter took it upon himself to keep a watchful eye on you, even though your daddies were more than capable. Whenever you weren’t in your daddies’ arms, you were holding Peter’s hand. At the playground, he’d go down the slide first to make sure it wasn’t too fast, and then wait at the bottom to catch you as you followed. When you ordered food in a restaurant, Peter always took the first bite to make sure it was safe. Well, maybe that one wasn’t as much about protection as it was getting an extra bite, but still. At parties and playdates it was a little easier for him to get distracted, but he always made sure you were within earshot.

That’s how you found yourself now, in one of the common rooms of the sprawling Avengers compound, stacking blocks into a castle while Peter half paid attention to Wanda’s game of pretend on the other side of the room, his focus divided between her and you. Steve was standing around the snack table talking to Bruce and Tony, while Bucky and Sam cracked open a couple of beers on the balcony. It wasn’t a party so much as a lively get-together, team members and family only. 

It also happened to be Kate’s first party with the gang. Kate had been kind to you the few times you had met her, engaged with you in your pretend games and played hide and seek around the compound with you and your friends, but you didn’t trust her all the way yet. She was new here, she didn’t know that the only ones you allowed to carry you were your daddies. When Tony announced that dinner was ready, she was the closest to you, so she picked you up to carry you into the dining room with everyone. She meant well, she handled you gently, but that meant nothing to you at this moment. 

Peter’s spidey senses noticed it first, the sharp intake of your breath as you started to wail. Poor Kate didn’t realize what was happening as everything unfolded. A sticky web splatted into the back of her shirt as Peter ran over to the two of you. 

“No! You put baby down!!” He shouted, smacking the side of Kate’s arm like a cat batting a toy; not enough to hurt her.

Kate let go of you as you flung yourself into Peter’s arms, now sobbing from both the fright of being picked up by a new person and the commotion that had followed it. Peter barely had time to comfort you when a strong voice rang out over the noise. 

“Hey!” Steve shouted, not needing to say anything else to get everyone in the room silent and staring at him. Even you had stopped crying when you saw your daddy enter the room. Peter immediately spoke out in your defense. 

“She was scaring baby!” He cried out, pointing an accusatory finger at Kate.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t! I was just bringing her to dinner!” Kate defended herself, desperately hoping the super soldier would understand. It wasn’t Steve she was worried about, though; Bucky was glaring at her with ice cold eyes. 

Steve placed a calming hand on his husband’s shoulder, calming him instantly.

“Alright, everybody calm down,” Steve said, his face softening as he turned to meet your eyes. “Are you hurt, babydoll?”

You shook your head, reaching out for your daddy’s arms. 

“I promise,” Kate said, “all I did was pick her up!” “I believe you.” Steve nodded. “She just doesn’t like getting picked up by anybody but her family. It's okay, you didn’t know yet.” Kate smiled, grateful for the forgiveness. Your tears had dried, your breathing had calmed, and your tummy had started to rumble. Steve gave you a kiss on the head, and with the chaos settled, everyone began to shuffle off to the dining room. Peter mingled in amongst them until he felt a cold hand on the back of his shirt. 

“Uh uh, not so fast kiddo,” Bucky warned, pulling the youngster aside. “I saw you hit Kate. That’s not nice and you know it.”

Peter looked down at his sneakers. “I’m sorry Baba,” he said dejectedly.

“Don’t apologize to me, apologize to Kate. Bucky let Peter go, following him into the kitchen before adding: “and no dessert tonight!”

[ike-mcswains-mortician]

EGADS DND SESSION!! uhm session 6. (i think its session 6 I’m not entirely sure lmao) Fun fact we have two new party members/characters which are Leopol, a cyclops bard who specialises in opera singing, and Bruce, an elf bard who specialises in contemporary piano andhskjs RANT BEGINS!!

Basically we decided that Bruce was a member of the party from the start of the story but just was visiting family and Leopol hid in the van since she’s forgotten her memories and heard the band! Session 6 was basically the rest of the party asking her what she was doing in the van and making a deal that if she can sing/play an instrument she can stay with the band!

Then she tried to kill Gerard (the horse that sings emo music and pulls the caravan/carriage) since she thought he was useless but then he kicked her into a fence infront of Strahd’s castle. And then she got tied up and interrogated by mainly Sasha (pop musician lmao) who slapped her in the face and yelled at her (let it be known that the friend who plays sasha has done acting for like his entire childhood so he put on a show/gen) (also when that happened, Eddie turned to Polly and was like ‘listen I’m not saying I’d like to be in that position however-‘ and Polly stood there in shock and horror) and then the two fought- the girls are fightinggg- while Strahd himself stood there like ‘huh ok sure’ and the session ended with us being in Strahd’s castle and him explaining the party we’re supposed to play at! Also polly fucked up giving a handshake to Strahd since Strahd wiped his hand after it and Polly copied him and then got death stared ajdhsj

RANT OVER FINALLY!! SO SORRY IT WAS THAT LONG AUGH (the dnd sillies are getting to me and we’re playing another session tomorrow yaayayayaya ALSO polly is apparently between twink and bear according to quill/koymoa- like in the words of my friend who plays eddie ‘he’s a twink who could chop wood’ so idk OK THIS WAS LONGER THAN INTENDED LAURIE SHUSH

SESSION UPDATE YAHOOOOOO

i love leopol and bruce already leopol sounds so iconic. also gerard the emo horse is ANNIHILATING ME😭😭

also love that this whole interrogation was happening in front of strahd like he’s just🧍but POLLY NOOOOO augh im so sorry polly handshakes are hard

quill is right about polly btw give that twink an axe

ALSO NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR THESE BEING LONG I LOVE THEM

[smww4ever]

Even More Thoughts

This post is directed to those poisoned by the concept of ‘Wonderbat’. If you have sense to know that this will never work then you’re fine. Nor is this post a recruitment effort to get you to embrace SuperWonder. Or anything else. It’s really something that should be shunned. (I’m hearing that it’s affected the whole planet.) I get it, you were smitten with an attractive actor and the flirting between these characters probably turned you on. Ooh sparks.

No just stop.

You need to have compassion and understanding for Diana. Her background and who she is wouldn’t support it.

Let’s look at our sad world. We have plenty of billionaires. No Batman. Despite whatever philanthropic efforts any of these guys do, we know that they aren’t clean. The world is a mess. They got dirt, skeletons, probably nasty deeds maybe even some cadavers stacked up somewhere in their closet. They didn’t make it to where they are by being nice. You know that.

Would you pair an immortal woman with superpowers with any of these schmucks even with their billions?

Probably not.

Here are our most notable.

Elon. He is a baby daddy to 10 kids. You want Diana to be another notch on his list?

Bezos. He looks like a classic Lex. His current lady is dark-tressed but she is no Wonder.

Alex Soros. The young offspring of Sith Lord George. You want her to dine on lizard au gratin every night? C’mon!

Mark Z. He looks like a robot droid. Even the guy playing Lex in Snyder’s franchise is based off him. Slimy.

And last but not least, Mr. Gates. I don’t even need to go there. Yea BIG nope.

With her Lasso of Truth, their secrets would come out and consequently their heads would explode. You know Di would have to put an end to evil empires in some way.

Romance? Nah.

There are others. Look how leathery, saggy they are. Why would Diana want to be with that?

There really is no purpose in Wonderbat.

Bruce is the only fictional billionaire that does good and looks handsome in his comic depictions, but he’s no match in any way for Diana.

His head would explode along with the rest of his nightly bruised body.

I’m going to hang with Alfred now. Get some tea. Because even he agrees.

Peace out✌️

This is the quickest edit I threw together. Imperfect but you get the point. Seriously meditate on this.

There are 4 nopes and a hell no way nope. The rest are omg nooooo!!!

Remember maybe hooking up with a billionaire is your fantasy but it’s not hers. (Hers is probably helping to make the world a truly better place.)

Wonderbat needs to be buried in the dustbins of comic book history. 🌬️💨

[hintofelation99]

Kate Babysits

Bruce: Kate I have an emergency.

Kate: What's up Bruce?

Bruce: A sorcerer put a deaging spell on the kids and-

Kate: And you need my help tracking down the sorcerer? No problem I-

Bruce: Actually I was going to see if you could babysit while I figure this out.

Kate just glares at him: Why can't Alfred babysit? Or your Justice League friends? Or, maybe, just maybe, you could hire a fucking babysitter!

Bruce, sighing: Please Kate, just stay back and babysit, please?

Kate: ...fine, but just remember I have no idea how to entertain kids, so if anything goes wrong it's on you.

Bruce, rolling his eyes: Sure, what's the worst that can happen?

-> 30 minutes later <-

Kate holds a two month old Damian as she looks down at a 4 y/o Duke, 5 y/o Tim, 5 y/o Steph, 6 y/o Cass, 6 y/o Jason, 11 y/o Dick, and 12 y/o Babs.

Kate: Okay kiddos, remember what auntie Katie taught you, no shooting in the house or at eachother.

Hands the kids guns.

Babs: Miss Katie, are you sure this is a good idea?

Kate: Of course it is swe- JASON! You will not try to shoot Tim! And stop chasing him before- Oh no...

Tim falls down the manor stairs, knocks out his front teeth. Kate shifts Damian to one arm and runs to the now crying Tim, picking him up and holding him on her hip, she checks him over.

Kate: Oh fuck! Bruce is gonna kill me!

Steph: Fuck!

Kate slowly turning to look at Steph: ...no

Steph, runs away yelling: FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

Kate: Shit!

Dick, opens his mouth

Kate: Don't you dare! Go swing from a chandelier or something.

-> 5 minutes later <-

Cass: F- fu- fuck!

Kate: What?! How??

Steph, looking very proud: Cass and I played school and I taught her a new word!

Kate: Why would you-

A loud crash comes from the foyer.

Kate: shitshitshitshit.

Sees Dick on floor, mostly unharmed other than some bruises and a cut on his hand from a sharp metal edge on the chandelier.

Kate: What did you do?!

Dick: You told me to swing from a chandelier!!

Kate: It's called sarcasm!

Babs, sticking her tongue out at Dick: He's only 11, and my dad says that sarcasm is for adults. Like me!

Kate, looking unimpressed: How old are you?

Babs, looking very proud: I'm 12!

Kate: Well, that sucks because sarcasm is for 13 and up.

Babs looks offended and Dick sticks out his tongue at her.

Kate, shoves Damian into Barbara's arms: Take this, Tim I'm gonna need you to let go so I can bandage up Dick's hand.

Tim, now speaking with a lisp: Noooooo! I'm still sad!

Kate: Tim, please.

Tim just sniffles and gives her puppy dog eyes.

Kate: Fine! I can do this one handed.

-> 10 minutes and one bandaged hand later <-

Kate: Okay Dick, this time you stay near me.

Dick immediately treats Kate like a jungle gym and climbs on to her shoulders.

Dick: Okay!

Kate: Oh my god you're heavy, aren't you a little old to be carried?

Dick: But my hand hurts too much to walk!

Kate, rolling her eyes: Okay okay fine. At least I can still hold the baby, now where did Babs go?

Now with Dick on her shoulders, and Tim on her right hip she walks into the study to find the entrance to the batcave open.

Kate: Shit!!

Kate runs into the batcave and sees Cass practicing with all the weapons while Steph runs in circles around her. Damian has been placed on one of the lab tables near several tubes of acid, fear toxin, cuddle pollen, etc. instead of watching Damian Barbara is typing something on the batcomputer. Duke is still yelling fuck, but now he's also playing with a flame thrower.

Kate, picking up Damian with her left arm: Barbara stay away from there! Steph, Cass, come here right now! Duke, do not play with fire! Wait, where's Jason??

Looking around frantically Kate sees a holding cell. She puts Dick and Tim in there while she goes to catch the others.

Tim: Nooooo!!!

Kate: Dick, your brother is sad, give him cuddles!

Dick immediately pulling Tim into a hug and soothing him: Okay!

Kate takes away Duke's flamethrower: Do you know your abc's?

Duke, looking offended: Of course I do! I can write my name and all my abc's and-

Kate, pulling out a pen and a pad of paper: That's great, show me everything you can write.

Duke nods excitedly and Kate ushers him into the holding cell with Dick and Tim. She gives him the pen and paper, Duke starts to slowly write his name and the alphabet. Kate grabs Steph and Cass.

Kate: Hey Stephie?

Steph: Yes Miss Katie?

Kate: Duke is trying to learn how to write big words, and since you're such a good teacher I thought you could help!

Steph nods excitedly and immediately follows Kate into the cell to help. Kate picks up Cass and leaves the cell, locking the door on her way out.

Kate: Okay, Babs, what are you doing?

Barbara: Playing a video game.

Kate looks on the screen and sees that Baba has accessed the watch tower security cameras and is repeatedly turning alarms, lights, weapons systems, etc on and off. Superman and Green Lantern are freaking out while frantically searching for an invader.

Kate, nods looking slightly concerned: Okay, you have fun with that...

Kate runs upstairs to find Jason, after looking for an hour she finds him twirling a gun and reading a book in the library.

Kate: Wow, I guess somethings never change.

Jason looking up: What'd you say?

Kate: Nothing. Hey, where's your old DS?

Jason: Upstairs in-

Kate: Sweet, show me.

Jason: But I'm-

Kate: Show me now and I'll give you cookies.

Jason: hmmm... okay!

-> After grabbing the DS <-

Kate: Okay, grab all the books you want and follow me to the batcave.

They walk down to the cave and Kate puts Jason in the holding cell with Duke, Steph, Tim, and Dick. Jason is completely unphased by the others surrounding him, instead of addressing them he starts reading again.

Kate: Hey Babs, come here!

Babs: I'm in the middle of a game!

Green Lanterns screams can be heard coming from the speakers.

Kate: Wouldn't you rather play Cooking Mama?

Babs turns on all the alarms in the watch tower, turns off all the lights, and activates all major weapons before taking the DS and playing with it in the holding cell.

Kate: Uhhh, okay Cass, what do you like?

Cass looks at her confused. Kate looks around and sees a knife on the table.

Kate: Here, play with this, just keep it away from the others.

Cass happily walks into the cell while twirling the knife. Kate sighs in relief as she locks the door. She starts to sit down when Damian starts screaming.

Kate, rocking him: Shhhhhh, okay, okay. Uhhhh.

Damian starts flailing around, occasionally he's able to pull on a lock of her hair. She holds him at arms length and continues to rock him, this time it's more awkward due to her arms being completely extended. She sets him down a training mat to find something to sooth him. When she looks back on him he's giggling and gnawing at the handle of a sword.

Kate, shrugging: That works

-> 2 hours later <-

Bruce walks into the cave to see Kate asleep on the training mats, 2 month old Damian beside her chewing on a sword, and all of his other kids entertaining themselves in a holding cell that contains several knives and guns.

Bruce: KATE!! Did you give the kids weapons?!

Kate, opening her eyes sleepily: Wha-? Oh, yeah, couldn't find any toys.

Bruce: ...Next time I'm calling Roy.

Kate just shrugs as Bruce opens the cell door. Steph and Duke come running out, chasing eachother. Cass follows the two timidly. Jason keeps reading. Dick awkwardly carries a sleeping Tim. Bruce smiles takes Tim from Dick.

Bruce, as Tim slowly blinks his eyes open and yawns: Hey Timm- What happened to his teeth?!

Kate: ...uhhh, gotta go!

[ragingbookdragon]

Hell In A Cell

Batsis x Batfamily One-Shot

Word Count: 2K Warnings: Explicit Language and Violence

Author's Note: I can't believe I haven't put this one back up yet. Nothing's more fun than WWE references when you're kicking ass, ya feel? -Thorne

They could feel her eyes on them as they stared at their hands, too afraid to meet her gaze. Dick suddenly found the beds of his nails interesting, Jason and Tim kept looking at the steel seats they were sitting on, and Damian just turned towards the front. She sat opposite of them, on the bench against the other wall, leaning forward, her elbows on her knees. The last time any of them had looked, she had her fingers intertwined and pressed against her lips, her eyes cold and infuriated. After a few moments, Dick gathered the courage to look up from his nails and glanced at her.

He gave a fearful smile and asked, “Uh…sis? Are you still…mad?” Her eyes drifted to his and he visibly flinched from her gaze.

She tipped her mouth away from her fingers and seethed, “Mad is the smallest word for what I am right now.” The others flinched at her fury and looked up, taking in the image of their angered sister.

“It wasn’t that bad (Y/N). We’re just…detained…” Jason’s words died as (Y/N) turned her eyes to him.

“I told you four chuckleheads that the property we were on was protected, but nooooo, ‘we’ll just be in there for five minutes. No one is going to find out’.” She growled as she stood, flinging her arms out to gesture around them.

“Well guess what?! Someone found out! And now we’re stuck in a goddamn jail cell at GCPD, waiting for dad to come bail us out!” Each of their necks disappeared into their shoulders.

Tim spoke quietly. “At least none of us got hurt.”

“It doesn’t matter if none of us got hurt! This is going to be all over the news tomorrow! ‘Billionaire Bruce Wayne’s kids found trespassing on personal property’.” She looked at them as she snapped, “Do you have any idea what this is going to do to our reputations?!”

She turned to Tim. “What this can and will do to the company and future deals?!” (Y/N) sat back down and dropped her head into her hands. “We’ll be lucky to come out of this unscathed.” She groaned loudly and rubbed her face with her hands, sighing tiredly, “Dad’s going to be so pissed when he gets here.”

“Father will not be angry at us sister. He will understand what we were doing.”

(Y/N) let out another heavy sigh and from behind her hands, she muttered, “Oh, he’s going to be angry. He’s going to blow a gasket he’s going to be so angry. I highly doubt—”

A shout from the back of the room cut her off. “Will you five shut the hell up? God, you’ve been complaining ever since you got in here.” The comments made the four boys turn their heads to a group sitting in the back.

(Y/N) pulled her head up and turned, her voice dark as she retorted, “Buddy, I’m in a less than stellar mood right now and unless you don’t want me to show you what your insides look like—I’d advise you to shut the fuck up.”

Her threat made him stand up and he started walking towards her, his group of thugs following in tow. “What did you just say to me rich-bitch? Wanna repeat that?”

When he finally stopped walking, he was right in front of her, and she could see her brothers beginning to rise from their seats for a quick defense. She raised a few fingers in their direction, telling them to wait.

(Y/N) looked up at him as she rose from her seat, coming nose to nose with him. She pulled the most intimidating face she could muster and repeated, “I said, unless you want me to show you what your insides look like…shut the fuck up.”

The man turned to his friends and started laughing, causing them to follow in suit, then he turned back to her. “I don’t think you understand the position you’re in sweetheart.” He motioned to his friends. “We’re in Two-Face’s gang.” He motioned to a group in the corner. “And those clowns work for Joker.”

He turned back to her and reached out, shoving her shoulder. “You’re locked in here with us. Imagine what we’ll do to five rich kids that don’t have any bodyguards to protect ‘em.” The others laughed, and (Y/N) shot a quick glance to her brothers along with a nod before looking back at the man and letting out a dark chuckle. A feeling of apprehension came over them as they stopped laughing.

She flashed him an unsettling grin and leaned forward, whispering, “No pal, I don’t think you understand. We aren’t locked in here with you.” Her brothers rose, moving to her sides and she leaned back. “You’re locked in here with us.”

The man’s eyes widened, and she jerked forward to grab the back of his neck and slammed his head into the seat she’d previously been sitting on. He dropped and the cell went dead silent.

The gang members in the back had stood up, and (Y/N) looked at the ones in front of her. “Who’s next?” No one moved an inch, and she tipped her head side-to-side. “C’mon jackasses, we’re gonna be here all night. We might as well get this over with.”

The gang members looked at each other before nodding and they turned to her and her brothers. “You’re so going to regret that.”

(Y/N) tipped her head and gave a quick glance to her brothers, grinning evilly. “Whoever knocks out the most thugs gets to come with me to Tokyo next week.” They matched her grins and they got into fighting stances.

She turned back to the group and taunted, “Let’s dance.”

***

They all collapsed onto the metal benches, sweating and bleeding; (Y/N) glanced at Dick who was holding the collar of his shirt to his busted lip. “You good Dickie?”

He looked at her and tossed her a thumbs up, and she turned to Jason. “How’s the nose?” He grunted and held his nose before sucking in a breath and shoving it back into place with a sickening crunch. The others winced at the sound, and Jason let go of his nose, slamming his head back into the wall a few times.

“I’ll take it that you’re better now?” He raised a few fingers and she reached down, tearing a piece of one of the unconscious gang-member’s shirts and tossing it to Tim. “Put that on your eyebrow Timmy.” He caught it and raised it to his left eyebrow that had been spilt open.

He nodded at her and she finally looked at Damian who was continually spitting blood on the floor. “You alright Dami?”

He spat once more and looked at her. “I got a tooth knocked out.”

The others turned to him and leaned forward, trying to see. “Lemme see!”

He opened his mouth, pointing to a tooth in the bottom left of his mouth. “It was a baby tooth, so there’s no problem.”

Jason snorted, but immediately regretted it as he reached up to hold his nose; he turned to Damian. “You’re thirteen and you still have baby-teeth?” Damian’s retort was cut off by a tennis shoe whacking Jason in the head, and they turned to see (Y/N) reclining against the wall.

“Jason don’t be a douchebag.” He grumbled at her and rubbed the side of his head, but conceded, and silence filled the cell once again.

After a few moments, the sound of footsteps came from down the hall and they all turned their heads to see their father, Alfred, and Gordon staring at them in shock. They flashed sheepish smiles, and (Y/N) waved a hand. “Hey dad, hey Alfie…hey Commissioner Gordon.”

“What in God’s name happened here?!”

(Y/N) looked around at the ground littered with unconscious gangmembers and turned back, grinning. “Uh…they got their asses kicked six ways from Sunday.”

“Why?!”

“Well, first they insulted us, and secondly, they put their hands on us. So technically, we were well within our rights to whoop ass.”

Her father glared at her and rebuked angrily. “(Y/N) Wayne, not another word.” She gave him a mock salute and shut her mouth; Bruce turned to Gordon and began discussing something, and a few minutes later, her and her family were walking out to the waiting car.

They all climbed in and waited for Bruce to start yelling at them; no words came from him, but they could tell he was seething with rage. A few moments went by and they pulled into an abandoned parking lot.

Bruce turned around and let them all have it. “You’re all off patrol for two months. Reason number one, the trespassing. Reason number two, the Hell in a Cell you five had.” He paused and threw his hands in the air. “What the hell were you five thinking?”

They all looked at (Y/N) who rolled her eyes and scoffed, “Yeah sure, look at the oldest and expect her to explain.” They giggled at her and she turned to her dad. “First and foremost, I can’t believe you just used a WWE term. Secondly, they were thugs, and we were attacked. So, by default, we just responded naturally.”

“And breaking skulls and bones is natural?”

“Is that a legit question?”

“Don’t make me ground you, young lady.”

(Y/N) grunted at him. “I’m twenty-six. You can’t ground me. I don’t even live at home.”

The others watched them bicker until Bruce raised a hand. “Enough. We’ll discuss this at home.”

“Again, I don’t live with you. I live on my own.”

“(Y/N) Wayne.”

“Alright…whatever.” He turned back around and nodded to Alfred, and the car began moving once more.

After a few minutes of silence, Jason cleared his throat and nonchalantly mumbled, “Not that it’s super important right now…but I get to go to Tokyo with you next week.”

“The hell you do! I knocked out the most thugs!”

“No, you didn’t replacement. I did.”

“Neither of you Robin failures completed the challenge correctly. I won it.”

“Not to be rude little D, but you would be incorrect. I won the challenge.”

“Ain’t nobody asked you Dickhead.” This spurred an even bigger fight as the four of them began to bicker in the backseat, and (Y/N) groaned, leaning forward and rested her chin on Bruce’s shoulder.

His head tipped downwards, and he eyed her. “What’s wrong with you?”

(Y/N) rolled her eyes and mumbled, “I gotta them all to Tokyo next week because we aren’t going to be able to figure out who knocked out the most.”

Bruce sighed, but a small grin crossed his lips, and after a few seconds he murmured, “You won the most knocked out, didn’t you?”

“Oh totally.”

“That’s my badass daughter.”

“Hell yeah.”

“Master Bruce! Ms. (Y/N)! Your language!”

They both glanced at Alfred and said, “Sorry Alfred.” They looked back at each other before sharing a smile, then the sound of flying fists reached their ears and they both sighed. Then,

“OW THAT WAS MY NOSE!”

“AND THAT WAS MY LIP!”

“OW YOU LITTLE SPAWN! THAT’S MY ARM YOU’RE BITING!”

(Y/N) glanced over her shoulder and looked at her fighting brothers: Jason had Dick in a headlock while giving him a noogie, and Tim was trying to remove Damian’s teeth from his forearm. She turned back around and looked at Alfred and her dad.

“Do you guys wanna come with me instead of them?”

Bruce eyed her with an eyebrow raised. “Do you really think leaving the city to the four of them is a good idea?”

(Y/N) thought for a moment before muttering, “I mean it’s not a great idea, but it’s an idea nonetheless.”

“One that’s bound to end up in a city on fire.”

“…Yeah you got me there.” She paused a slight second before affirming, “But the offer still stands.”

“No (Y/N).”

“But I don’t want to take them with me.”

“Too bad.”

“Fuck my life.”

“MS. (Y/N)! LANGUAGE!”

[lazydoodlesandfanfic]

New Start (Roy Harper X Male!Reader X Jason Todd)

Characters: Roy Harper X Male!Reader X Jason Todd

Universe: DC

Warnings: None

Request: Roy Harper/Male!Reader/Jason Todd. They've been together for a few years in a polyrelationship (started out Roy/M!R) and after all the vigilante drama the three of them just want to retire. So they're moving to a new countryside house together (Lian too) and they're going through all the stuff they've collected throughout their years of being vigilantes and 'people'. They realise Jason lost his favourite book, M!R lost his favourite sweater and Roy lost his cap. They all go search for it, to find Lian asleep on her new bed with the things, surrounded by her fathers' stuff

“Alright little miss, let’s get you to bed.” You spoke up, getting up from your spot where you’d been unpacking after you spotted that Lian was falling asleep, resting her head on an unopened box. 

“Nooooo, I don’t want to!” She whined as you put your hands under her arms and picked her up and placing her down standing, before gently pushing her in the direction of her bedroom. She groaned the entire way to her bedroom, but didn’t actually stop to argue. 

“Get dressed and ready and I’ll come tuck you in.” Roy called after her as she went in her room. 

“Okay, let’s finish this box off and then we’ll go to bed as well.” Jason decided, cutting open a final box and opening the lid. You and Roy got closer to the box to help unpack it. The first thing on top was a familiar mask. A red mask, with little scuffs on some of the edges. You plucked it out, looking at it closely. 

“Where’s this going, huh?” You asked, glancing up at Jason before looking back at the mask. “Maybe we could put it on the wall.” You suggested.

“Yeah, right next to the baby pics of Lian.” Roy joked, making you and Jason laugh at the idea. Jason went back into the box, pulling out a quiver, with some arrows still inside. Roy took them, looking at one of the arrows. “I might put theses aside… maybe Lian will want to take up Archery when she’s older.” He considered. 

“Sound’s good.” Jason confirmed, diving back into the box. This time he pulled out a rather unique mask- one you used to wear daily, or more like nightly. He held the mask up to his own face, looking at you, and you cracked a smile. “This is going right next to mine on the wall.” 

“Where’s my domino mask? It can go up as well.” Roy suggeste, reaching over and pulling the box closer to look for his mask, soon finding it and presenting it as well. You all laid the masks down on the floor, and you all just stared at them for a moment. 

Looking at them made you realise just how surreal this moment really was. Just a week ago all of you had been in the midsts of you crime fighting night activity, working together as partners in crime, having each other’s back and keeping Gotham safe. You weren’t sure how exactly it started, but one night you had all gotten home, finding Lian waiting for you long after your bedtime, and while putting her to bed she expressed her fear of you three never coming home. That was the moment you all sat down, and mutually agreed it was time to retire.

You did it quickly and effectively. Jason gave a heads up to his family of his decision, who understood and Bruce even found you four a new home to settle down in. It was far from Gotham and any of the other cities full of crime, far from danger. It was in the countryside in a quiet town where everyone minded their own business for the most part, and had accepted you as the 3 dads of a little girl in the town. You’d all quickly found little jobs in town- Roy worked at the shooting range, Jason came into the local school to read to the kindergarteners and also to be a substitute for the older kids in English, and he also volunteered at the garage and library. You also had your own little jobs based around your hobbies.Everything seemed so… perfect.

“Say, I’ve yet to find my book. It’s not with the others.” Jason brought up, snapping you out your thoughts. You looked around your surroundings for it, when you realised something yourself. 

“Haven’t seen my favourite sweater either.” You mentioned. 

“Or my cap.” Roy interjected as well. You all looked at each other. “Did we forget to pack them?” 

“No, I remember packing them.” Jason assured, getting up to look around. “Roy, go tuck Lian in, we’ll look for them.” Jason ordered, Roy nodding and leaving to the little girl’s room. You started looking through all your belongings you’d unpacked- nothing had been put where it belonged, most if it in piles or moved to the rooms where they’d be properly put tomorrow. You looked again through the books and the clothes, with no such luck. Jason was looking for another box to unpack, though that box didn’t seem to exist. 

“Maybe the box got lost on the way or we left in in the car?” You suggested. You hoped you were wrong and that the tiredness of moving and unpacking was just getting to all three of you…

“Guys.” You turned, seeing Roy sticking his head out Lian’s door. He motioned his head for you both to come closer, and you did as told, quietly. You peered into Lian’s room to see what the fuss was about. 

Lian was fast asleep on her bed, curled up wearing your sweater, Roy’s hat on her favourite Teddy’s head, and Jason’s book hugged into her chest. Relief filled you knowing the objects were safe, and then your chest filled with love at the sight. All three of you smiled at the sight of her. You all walked into the room. Jason gently pried the book from her arms, resting it on the bedside table, you picked up Lian, and Roy pulled back the covers and you laid her underneath them. You took turns giving little kisses on her head, before you turned her lamp off, and you left her room.

Hope you like it! If you have any questions, please send them in! 

*Not my gif

TAGS:   @theplacewhererobindied @rebellionofthecattle @hello-love-youre-pretty @courtneychicken​  @graysonmalfoy​ @bellero​ @originalpottervengerlock​ @supernatural-pan​ @esoltis280​ @lena-stan-xavier @lady-of-lies​ @sebstanismylife​ @macbetheliza @mandywholock1980​ @cdwmtjb8​ @caswinchester2000​ @determinedpines​ @huntheimpossible

[wheredafandomat]

Fear & Desire - Legacies ❤️‍🔥P44❤️‍🔥 Friday morning

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

The rest of the week past in a busy blur of Pepper trying to arrange caterers for the Bromanoff wedding that was happening on Saturday. Cancelling the venue she originally wanted, Natasha settled on having the wedding in the compound with only her nearest and dearest around as opposed to the grandiose wedding she previously envisioned. She said that having the team, her family around her was more than enough. No one actually knew what Bruce wanted because Natasha insisted she spoke for him. When you eventually asked him, he told you he was happy as long as she was.

Half the team where helping with the wedding whilst the other half were still being avengers. You and Loki on the other hand were still of course being parents to the small child who insisted on you all laying in Lokis room and watching Disney films before inevitably falling asleep leaving no time for you and Loki to really show how much you loved one another.

Not only was Seven being extremely clingy but she was making it impossible for you and Loki to have a sex life. Whenever you’d kiss Loki, Sev would call one of you to help her with something. Whenever you’d lay next to each other, there was Sev just springing up between you. If she’d fall asleep, Loki would take her to her room only for her to wake in his arms. Usually you’d leave her with her uncle or Pepper in times like these when all you wanted was to rail Loki but if you even suggested it, Sev would throw a tantrum.

When Friday came, you were adamant you would too.

Waking up before Loki and Seven, you headed down to the kitchen to get a much needed cup of coffee considering how much tossing and turning she had done last night. When you walked in, you were greeted by Bucky who absentmindedly handed you a coffee, pulling out a chair for you to sit in.

“Thanks buck.” You yawned.

“What’s the matter with you doll?” He questioned, pulling out the seat opposite you.

“I’ve been having trouble sleeping.” You answered, taking a sip of coffee.

“She hasn’t had sex in like a week.” Nat laughed, walking into the kitchen before joining the conversation.

“Natttt” you gasped.

“And I did NOT need to hear that.” Bucky spoke, clearing his throat.

“Come on y/n, I haven’t heard any screaming from your room in a while.” She grinned.

“First of all we’re not that loud plus Loki soundproofs the room so I know that’s a lie—”

“Y/n, sorry to tell you but he doesn’t do it all the time.” Nat interrupted you. Your eyes widened as you looked at her, shaking your head as a horrified expression took over.

“What are we talking about?” Loki smiled, walking into the room with Sev on his hip as he leant down kissing you on the cheek.

“The fact that y/n needs to get laid apparently.” Bucky scoffed before the corner of his mouth quirked up into a smile as if he was about to say something else until you heard Loki speak under his breath.

“What was that love?” You prompted.

“I said you aern’t the only one.” Loki sighed, putting Seven down on your lap so he could make her some breakfast. You stood up, placing Seven on the chair. Turning around, you wrapped your arms around Lokis torso.

“Is someone in a bad mood?” You teased, running your hands over his abdomen “do you want to beg Thor to be on Seven duty tonight, I’ve missed you.” You goaded, letting your hands fall lower causing Loki to take a sharp inhale.

“Nooooo” Seven protested hearing the suggestion.

“How about I take her? You wanna girls night Seven? Me, you and Yelena?” She cooed, stroking Sevens hair.

“Nat you can’t, it’s the night before your wedding.” You disagreed, turning away from Loki who instantly missed your touch.

“Exactly, so I can’t see Bruce. Seven would be a welcomed distraction and I’d prefer it if you came to the wedding well rested if you know what I mean.” She winked.

“Sev, wanna hang out with auntie Nat tonight?” You asked her to which she thankfully nodded at. “Nat you’re a lifesaver. Right Loki, we’re going to have some fun tonight.” You sang, slapping his behind before taking the bowl of cereal from his hand and giving it to Seven.

You helped her eat breakfast whilst Loki prepared food for you. When he leant over the table, placing the plate down in front of you, you couldn’t help but turn your head to kiss him which luckily didn’t disturb Seven who was still eating.

“I hope you haven’t polished your horns yet, we’re going to get them dirty tonight.” You whispered in Lokis ear.

“You little minx.” He smirked.

The rest of the day went painfully slow, too slow. The final things for the wedding were secured, all that was left was for Bruce and Nat to actually get married and for you to get laid.

You dropped Seven off at the screening room where Natasha along with Yelena were waiting for her. You almost felt bad at how happy you were to get rid of her. With a wide smile, you made your way back towards your room.

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[jmoriarty-221b]

So I saw somewhere a post that talked about how some fictional characters just have a divorce vibe going on, like, at no point in time were they ever married but they just give off that feeling that they got divorced

And now I can only think of Clark Kent and Lex Luthor having that vibe

And I spent close to an hour talking about this to my sibling and how it would be a good idea for a new DC show like, you can make so much money off of just the main Batfam alone and there are literally so many people in there that it’s just an amazing idea to have them all in a show together but kind of like a Good Luck Charlie kinda thing because there’s more than enough angst in the world

But in the case of not having enough of a budget for so many characters in one show I turned to the Superfam (Batfam is Huge like, I don’t even know half of the extended family version and that’s like at least ten characters so I could see why it wouldn’t be entirely feasible to have a show that included everyone while still being good with nice character development without having a billion dollars for the budget)

The Superfam, in my personal experience, is composed of Ma & Pa Kent (farm vibes plus I refuse to have either of them die in my AU), Clark Kent (main Superman), Lois Lane (Lana? was Smallville Lois i guess??? But idk enough about her so she’s not here), Jon Kent (Superboi II), Kara Danvers (Supergirl) & Conner Kent (Superboi I)

Now I’ve stopped watching CW shows like, forever ago??? But my brother kinda keeps up with them and basically the gist is that the ratings of every other show suck Except for the Superman & Lois show (because it’s 💫new💫) and I saw the cover of the poster like “Ah, the werewolf dude. . . mmmhhmmm that’s Lois yes, yes that’s Johnny boi, and um is that???? Nooooo, they wouldn’t do that to Conner right???? Please tell me they didn’t make Conner blonde” and I was informed that the blonde teen is Chris???? Like

Whoms’t do ye speak of

I’m not even joking but the only way I even know of Chris is from a random fanfic I read where Dick Grayson gets his own super from an alternate reality named Chris, that’s my only point of reference for this character

But let’s talk about how Conner Kent (OG Superboi) was excluded

Now I haven’t seen any episodes of this and I probably never will (no hate I’m just really unmotivated to start new shows at all) so idk if they might mention Conner or even allude to him in one scene or something

But this was my main motivator as to my new Superfam TV Show Idea

Have Lex Luthor not be a Superman villain, he’s mainly a successful businessman, a little shady but who isn’t, and he doesn’t want to Kill Superman, he just wants to be able to have some sort of viable protection against a Kryptonian in case of an invasion (see Man of Steel + CW’s Supergirl) or suddenly having a mind controlled Superman on their hands (see Justice League series or just look up what Red Krytonite does) so he makes it like his side thing to figure out ways to neutralize or hold back a Kryptonian, Clark totally thinks that Lex is obsessed with finding a way to kill Superman because they had a bad end to their friendship in high school so he’s always suspicious of Lex, Lex hasn’t really ever tried to kill him though because 1. It’s not that deep Clark ok? And 2. He’s a busy busy man with a very important job position and a company to run so does he look like he has time to harbor an obsession over someone who rejected him back in high school??? You’re more of a constant side quest Clark, so stop trying to put him on the JL watchlist ( btw ik about Lena Luthor, haven’t forgotten her but she doesn’t really play a part in this AU so let’s just have her and Kara off to the side doing their own thing ok? Ok)

Lex, Bruce & Oliver all knew each other when they were kids and went to the same school, this is just an extra detail I wanted to happen because Lex and Ollie definitely know Bruce is Batman and absolutely HATE having to deal with Brucie Wayne because “I know you’re just doing this to irritate me Bruce, you just want to see if you can make a vein throb in my forehead but I will valiantly ignore your dumbassery because I know you hate being Brucie just as much as we hate having to put up with Brucie so suck on that you petty bitch” because they bonded in ye olden days, childhood friends so to speak

Anyway so Cadmus tries to get Lex to make an investment in their company, seeing as Cadmus is shadier than Gotham when it rains Lex is basically like ‘no ❤️’ and doesn’t make a deal with them, Cadmus gets mad at not having Lexcorp financially backing them so Lex has an ‘accident’ and they steal his DNA, then they steal Superman’s DNA somehow and *boom* a Superboi is formed

Because I don’t know much about how the Core Four became friends in the first place (Robin Tim Drake, Impulse Bart Allen, Wonder Girl Cassie Sandsmark & Superboy Conner Kent) I’m just gonna go with what happens in the show Young Justice except it’s the Core Four becoming the Core Four when they liberated Conner (who at this point believes himself to be a clone of Superman and has only been given Superboy as a name) from Cadmus, same shit goes down meaning that Clark is just straight up NOT vibing with Conner, Conner just wants a mentor please, and the Bats kinda give Clark a passive aggressive treatment for not taking Superboy under his wing or at least agreeing to teach him how to control his powers, especially Tim because that’s his Bestie so yes

Anyway, YJ saves ppl and is on the news or whatever and Lex finds out about Superboy’s existence that way, so he researches this new super on his free time, finds out that he came from Cadmus and claims to be a clone of Superman, yet doesn’t have the whole power set Superman has??? Wait, didn’t Lex reject Cadmus’ proposal and the got into a mysterious accident??? Long story short Lex goes connecting the dots, hacks into Cadmus’ files, finds out he technically has a son with Superman and decides to take Superboy under his wing (I’ll go more in depth as to why Lex would want to do this in this AU later but the abridged version would be that he wants a kid but doesn’t have the time nor interest in finding a wife??? Also the radiation that made him bald as a kid also affected his reproductive system so while it’s not impossible for him to conceive kids he would have a very hard time actually getting to father a kid)

Him and Conner, who still goes by Superboy at this point in time, meet up and Conner finds out that here is a parent figure that is both available and actively wants to be a part of his life, so he agrees to get to know Lex and the series would focus on them becoming a family, with a special episode when Conner asks Lex for help in choosing a name for himself and it ends up with him agreeing to become Conner Luthor, it would be heartwarming and Mercy would make sure it happens within a day (Mercy is Lex’s bodyguard/PA but they’re also besties and she becomes the Responsible yet Chaotic Aunt as Lex and Conner’s father-son relationship progresses)

Obviously Clark becomes super suspicious of Lex getting close to his ‘clone’ and when Conner decides to go public as Lex’s son he’s like *GASP* and calls up Bruce because we need to get on this Bruce, Lex is a villain and blah blah blah but Bruce would be over Clark’s shit and hit him with that “actually, Lex was also an unwilling genetic donor to Superboy, who actually is not your clone either, and has agreed to take him in, I’ve been on this shit since they first met and the kid is doing just fine so if you keep poking your nose in their business then that’s your problem but you better be ready to pay child support bitch . . . have a good day ❤️”

The series would just focus on Conner getting to have a good parent figure in Lex and go more into their civilian lives rather than focusing on the superhero thing, Conner, Bart, Tim & Cassie have a sleepover at Lex’s house at one point, Lex totally Knows what’s up but it’s all good because these are his baby’s friends and they’re good people who are more than willing to prank Superman for rejecting his kid and giving his baby self worth issues (Mercy supports them)

Anyway, that’s basically the idea for a new Superhero Show

[batfam-rewrites]

Batfam During Quarantine: Swear Jar

Bruce: So, at the request of Alfred, we will be adding a swear jar!

Tim: What the shit?

Jason: Why are we fucking doing this?

Stephanie: Yeah, we don’t have a fucking swearing problem!

Bruce: Stop! We get it! But, here are the rules, each person has to pay with their own money, when the jar fills up, then we can go on a vacation!

Harper: Okay! Fuck! Shit! Motherfucker! Ass! Bitch! Jackass!

Selina: Wrong incentive babe!

Bruce: Yeah I had this coming!

____

Dick: Okay, I want to start off today....

Damian: *jumps on Dick’s back* SNEAK ATTACK!!!!!!

Dick: *falls forward* AAAAHHHHH!!!! *gets up* Damian, sit in time out!

Damian: Don’t tell me what to do!!!

Dick: Go! Now!

Damian: Fine!

Dick: Anyway, I’d like to talk about the Tuesday incident.

Tim: Yeah, it went great right!

Jason: Ummm.... Let’s check the body cams.

--

Signal: Okay so Red Robin, take the two on the right, Spoiler, take the two in the center, I’ll take the three on the left!

Red Robin and Spoiler: *making out*

Signal: *turns around* Did you guys hear what I said?

Red Robin and Spoiler: *still making out*

Signal: DAMN IT GUYS LET EACH OTHER BREATHE!!!

Thug: OVER THERE!!! *points in their direction and starts firing*

Red Robin: *pulls his mask up* Improvise!!!

--

Stephanie: I don’t see a problem.

Tim: Neither do I!

Dick: You guys were making out when you should have been taking out the thugs! Duke was the only one on task until you guys pissed him off.

Duke: Could I permanently work with someone else?

Dick: We’ll talk about that later.

____

Orphan: RED ROBIN!

Red Hood: Yum!

Red Robin: What the fuck Red Hood?

Blue Bird: Jar, Red Robin!

Red Hood: Oh, so Spoiler could say it but I can’t!

Red Robin: Yes!

Orphan: RED ROBIN!!!!

Red Robin: On my way!!!!

____

Barbara: HAHAHA! You guys started a swear jar?

Stephanie: Yep!

Barbara: So who’s been the biggest contributor?

Stephanie: Take a guess.

Jason: *from the other room* Well eat shit you sad little fuck!

Barbara: Jason.

Stephanie: No, Bruce!

____

Damian: Dynamite is actually a pretty good song.

Stephanie: Then in that case....

Damian: Brown, let me stop you right there. It took me a while to listen to one of there songs. What makes you think I would actually listen to more. It’s a nice song, just leave it at that.

Jason: *walks by humming Fire*

Damian: How did you do that? STAY AWAY!!!!!!

____

Dick: So there is thirteen through nineteen with the word teen in it. So why isn’t eleven pronounced firteen or oneteen, and twelve twoteen or seconteen?

Duke: And that is why you don’t do drugs kids.

Damian: Grayson, quarantine has officially broke your brain.

Dick: No, seriously think about it. One to twelve, totally original numbers, then they start getting lazy adding teen at the end of four, five, and so on until twenty. Then they just add the number after that. And after twenty-nine they get even lazier and take one number, add t-y at the end of it, then add another number until one hundred. It is just so lazy.

Stephanie: Are you sure you’re not high? 

Dick: No, I’m not!

____

Red Hood: *crouching like a gargoyle behind some boxes*

Batgirl: I’m on my way!

Thug: *moves a box and sees Red Hood*

Red Hood: No need. I’M GUNNA STAB YOUUUU!!!!!!!! *jumps at the thug with a knife*

____

4 am

Bruce: Tim, go to sleep.

Tim: I’M FONE!

Bruce: You’re obviously not, now sleep.

Tim: FUCK YOU! *starts falling asleep*

Bruce: Jar.

____

Duke: *dismounts off of the high bar with a layout twist*

Dick: Looking nice, Duke!

Duke: Thanks!

Dick: You ready to spar.

Duke: Hell no! *runs out the door*

____

Tim: *doing an Instagram live stream at the manor with Dick and Duke*

Cassandra: *offers Dick four cupcakes*

Dick: Thank you Cass! OMG you are my favorite!

Tim: But yeah, I think that if there was a reality show about us it would be surprisingly boring.

Dick: *stuffing his face with a cupcake* Tim, Cass bought a ton of cupcakes, do you want one?

Tim: I think I’ll save mine for later.

Dick: You, sure?

Tim: Yep.

Dick: Duke?

Duke: I’m good too.

Dick: *stumbles and drops the trey* Nooooo! The cupcakes!

Duke: *covers his face in his hands, then looks at the camera* I remember, right when Bruce adopted me, we spent a day in the park. We were sitting, eating, and then there was Dick from across the park just running with a kite, and shouting and throwing things at us, and Tim stood up and yelled “You’re a child!” And I sat there thinking “What have I gotten into?”

____

Bruce: Okay, it has been a week and we had to get a second jar, so we’re just going to cancel the swear jar. Partially because you all ran out of money to put in the jar. Also a bit because I’m tired of filling it up myself.

Jason: So, can I have my money back.

Bruce: No.

[thr-333]

Drastic Measures- Part 6

@daminette-december2019-2020

~Comfort~

Damian! for your own health and safety stop trying to KILL Marinette!!!

Ao3

First <Previous > Next

----------------

“Marinette you need to call them,”

Marinette buries her head deeper in the pillow, Adrien tries to pull it away from her.

“Marinette you need to call them,”

Adrien starts leaning his weight into taking it away, Marinette holds tight getting dragged across and half off the bed.

“Marinette if you don't call them I’m going to call them myself,” Adrien threatens, letting go of the pillow and leaving her half hanging off.

“Nooooo,” Marinette moans nose smooshed into the floor.

“Your parents are nice,” Adrien pats her on the back.

“You’ve never seen them angry,”

“They aren’t going to be angry, they're going to be angry if you don't call,”

“Nooooo,”

“... Ops too late I dialed,”

“What?!” Marinette leaps up catching the phone as Adrien drops it.

“You’ll thank me later~” Adrien dances out of the room followed by the Kwamis leaving her all on her lonesome.

“Hello?” Tom’s voice cuts through Marinette's panicking.

“Hi Papa,” Marinette cringes shifting herself back onto the bed.

“Marinette? Marinette! Are you ok sweetie? what's wrong, are you safe, where are you, how can we-”

“I’m ok Papa, I promise,” She relaxes a bit, Adrien was right, for now.

“Oh sweetie, what happened can we talk about- Sabine! Sabine! It’s Marinette! Marinette called!”

“Marinette? Are you safe honey,” Marinette lets go of the breath she was holding at her Maman's concern.

“I’m safe Maman, I’m staying with the Waynes,” She'd ask how exactly Sabine managed to set that up another time.

“Darling, why did you leave?”

“Uhhhhhhhh,” Saying shes on a top-secret mission or can't tell them because it will put them in danger is useless, it’ll just make them ask more she has to completely shut them do- “The sunsets where it rises,”

“... What ,” Marinette cringes at the sharp tone.

“You used to tell me that when there was something you couldn't tell me, for good reason, well now it’s my turn,” Marinette had long suspected what exactly that code meant, but knew enough it meant you didn't ask questions, and you didn't use it lightly, “The sunsets where it rises,”

“Alright, alright I get it please don't repeat that,” Sabine shushes her, “Marinette it can not be used lightly, in fact, you shouldn't be using it,”

“I need to Maman, and I'm not using it lightly, I just need you to trust me, I can handle this but I need to do it without you,” Marinette sighs, she wished she could tell them everything, “I promise when I can I will explain everything, for now, I can’t come back to Paris,”

“Alright Marinette, if you're sure about this,” Tom agrees, Sabine still mulling over it.

“I am,”

“And your smart about it,” Sabine stresses, “Honey even if you can't come back to Paris we can come to you,”

“That's alright Maman, I’ll work better knowing your both safe in Paris,” Marinette relaxes back into the bed, waves of exhaustion washing over her, “Please stay in Paris for me,”

“Alright sweetie we will, just make sure to call us,” Tom soothes her, Marinette could almost fall asleep like this.

“I will,”

“Everyday,”

“I’ll try,” Marinette smiles at his demand.

“Get some sleep darling,” Sabine comfort, Marinette seconds away from doing just that, “I’m sure you’ve earned it,”

“Night guys,”

“Good night sweetie,” Marinette lets the call drop, eyes drooping low.

The door slams open and she jumps up into a defensive position getting tangled in the sheets. She doesn't have a second to steady herself as she is tackled. Marinette kicks the attacker in the stomach using the distraction to roll them over so she’s on top. She miscalculates sending them both off the bed. Marinette's side hits the ground, she groans opening her eyes to see who attacke-

“Damian?!”

“You’re an assassin!” He lunges, Marinette dosages out the way, going again for his stomach but he catches her leg this time.

“What the?” He tries to pin her but she twists her leg to get free and rolls away into a couched position, “I’m not an assassin!”

“You’re here to kill them,” Damian sends a kick her way she dodges, using the momentum to stand up and get on even ground.

“I’m not going to kill anyone!” Marinette snaps, striking first, taking the element of surprise and managing to get him in a hold, “Never have never will,”

“You were raised by one,” Damian tries to get out of her hold, she pulls tighter on his arm in warning, “You can’t be as good as you act,”

“Maybe my Maman was an assassin,” There was certainly no way a baker should know her skills, “But she changed and certainly never wanted me to be one,”

“Tt,” Damian scoffs, trying to break out of the hold with raw strength, little did he know she had him soundly beat in that department, “There's no way, no matter how hard she tries it doesn't change who she is; a killer,”

Marinette is filled with a white-hot rage before dousing it with years of practice. Damian gives up on strength starting a more covert way of getting out, if he finds the right angle he can dislocate his wrist then get the leverage he needs to get free. It was a move her Maman had shown her when teaching her this move, getting out of Marinette's hold by dislocating her wrist without flinching. It had made Marinette think that dislocation wasn't painful, even less so when her Mana had reset it herself without flinching. Then years later while they were still little Kim had fallen in the playground and cried his eyes out when his wrist was dislocated, then had screamed when it was reset. After that Marinette had figured her Maman wasn't all she had seemed.

“Damian, are you an assassin?”

“...”

“Don’t hurt your wrist, I’m going to let you out just don't attack me again,” Marinette relaxes enough so if he wanted to Damian could break out and if she wanted to she could pull him back into the hold, it was a test of trust on both sides, “Damian I’m not an assassin and I wasn't sent here to hurt anyone, I didn’t even intend to be here that just how the cards fell,”

“You expect me to believe that?” He doesn't try to break out but he certainly doesn't relax, "You show up in Gotham then your Mother threatens us to take you in,"

Threatens huh? yeah, that made more sense.

“No, of course I don’t expect you to trust me,” Marinette says gently, “Your families safety is on the line, I expect you to do whatever it takes to keep them safe,”

“...”

“You can change who you are you know,” she did it every day when she became Ladybug, and overtime the line between Ladybug and Marinette had blurred, “My Maman is the kindest person I know, she’s full of compassion and joy no matter what she did in the past, and above all, she cares about me, she cares about her family, just like you,”

“That doesn't change anything,”

“It doesn't change what you did, but it can change what you choose to do,” Marinette rubs her thumb comfortingly over where its clasped on his wrist, “And that can mean a whole lot more that what you were forced to do,”

“... let me go,” Marinette obliges and they both sit up, neither starting a conversation.

Marinette studies Damian, a severe contemplative look on his face. She's sure to others it would look like a scowl, but Kagami isn't very good at expressing herself outwardly so Marinette had learned to read between the lines, and the lines say a lot. Then there's the little fact that Bruce Wayne's son is an assassin and maybe she should be slightly more worried about Bruce himself. She rethinks all their other interactions, framing it with the new information his attitude suddenly makes a lot more sense, and is even admirable in a way.

Something catches the corner of her eye and she spots a camera peaking from the edge of the still-open door.

“Adrien!” She shouts, making Damian jump a bit which she silently finds funny in an endearing way. The phone disappears and Marinette runs to the door where Adrien is already booking it down the hall, “Adrien get back here!”

Marinette gives chase, intent on making him delete whatever picture he took no matter how cute he thinks they are. In her haste, she leaves Damian alone to his thoughts. Yet still, he's more at peace than he has ever been.

------------

No taglist :P

[inkdemonapologist]

In that Cthulhu game, Thomas Connor was the coworker we were ORIGINALLY trying to rescue from a weird cult before all this NONSENSE started, and we finally did!! We realised we should probably give him a heads up that the Terrifying Eldritch Bendy-Lookin Monster was on our side, but uh, Sammy did not really do a good job at conveying this.

More out of context quotes for Session 7 under the cut!!

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[GM] I'd just like to highlight that, I think this is the first time, in the WHOLE scenario, that Joey and Sammy are actually in their own bodies!

[Henry] I think Henry is gonna scoop the Lurker out of Joey's arms -- [Joey] *whining softly* noooooo, [Henry] -- and put 'im back on his shoulders. [Joey] nOOOOO!! [Henry] What? [Joey] NO! Joey is carrying him now! You're gonna have to fight Joey for this. [Sammy] (*laughing* Sorry, Bendy belongs to Joey now, you know how it goes--) [Henry's player is abruptly disconnected from the call] [GM] Oop, Joey steals Bendy, Henry leaves!

[GM] I want it to be known that the Lurker blinked, all kinda puzzled, when it got ruffled.

[Joey] Joey specifically has an insanity of not being able to do things well if away from Henry and Sammy, so, yeah, he's going to insist on going with them. [GM] This is going to be interesting when they get back to the Studio... [Joey] Joey just spends more time out of his office, wandering between the Music and the Art Department,,, it's fine! [Sammy] Oh, just what I needed, more distractions!

[GM] Oh gee, where is our map... no, that's the Haiti map, [GM] Which I don't know why they include, honestly. If people just take off into the Whole Of Haiti, I feel like things have gone terribly wrong!

[Sammy] It's deserted enough, he'll go ahead and put on the mask, by the way. [GM] Make Spot(hidden) checks. [Sammy] *rolls terribly* HRM. Well. [Joey] Sammy has put on the mask! [Sammy] I... see... the inside of the mask,

[Joey] I was wondering how old you are? [GM] The Lurker looks down at his fingers, seems to decide this is entirely inadequate, and then kinda shrugs.

[Joey] Do we want to try to listen in to the huts and see if we hear snoring? [Sammy] We have the Lurker! [Joey] I'm trying to understand the phrase "we have the Lurker," are you implying that we’re just like, "time to kill everyone!" [Sammy] .......... I mean, yeah?

[Henry] Once we have Tom, then, if needed, we can set the Lurker loose. [Joey] If he's interested in that. [Henry] Well, he always seems pretty gung-ho for murder! [Joey] *looks at the Lurker* [GM] He kinda shrugs with a smile. "There's not a lot to do up here!"

[GM] Tom's more baffled than offended, just, this is not what he expected, Joey Drew in the middle of the night trying to rescue him from a cult. [Sammy] (Do any of us ever expect that, really?)

[Joey] We have a bit of help with us. Please do not punch our help. [GM, as Tom] He rolls his eyes, but nods. "As long as they don't wake me up when I'm sleeping, we should be fine." [Joey] *taking this personally* Did you want me to wait until morning? Would you like to go lie down again?

[Sammy] (Tom "Let's Just Punch The Door Open" Connor is not good at stealth? WHAT A SURPRISE!)

[Sammy] Sammy will make sure the amulet is not visible on his person, so I guess he's going to have to finally button up his shirt. [Joey] *sad Joey noises in the distance*

[Henry] Henry is going to mentally poke the Lurker, and-- [Sammy] ("How's it going!") [Joey] ("'sup dude?") [Sammy] ("ARE YA WINNING, SON?")

[Henry] Henry is going to tell the Lurker that he can come back if he wants -- [Joey] (Or you can keep playing with your friends!) [Henry] -- or you can keep having fun, I guess! [GM] Henry can almost feel the Lurker light up, but it's at the coming along bit. [Sammy] (OH NO. NO NO NO) [Henry] (NO THAT'S TOO CUTE!!!)

[Joey] Sorry, Joey is still rolling terribly on his smart dice.

[Sammy] Sammy's gonna try to hold Joey down-- [GM] About then, the Lurker shows up! [Sammy] Oh, nevermind, Sammy's not paying attention to Joey.

*trying to get the Lurker to carry an injured Joey* [Sammy] Okay, cool. Sammy will heft Joey up and, uh, offer him up to the Lurker, I guess. [Henry] (A GIFT, FOR MY LORD!)

[Sammy] Look, if Tom runs off at this point, that's a personal problem that we no longer have to deal with!

[GM] Tom wants to know if you know where a hospital is. [Sammy] Uh, DO we know where a hospital is? [Henry] ....technically -- [Sammy] Not that one.

[GM] Make a s-- [GM] --no, wait, you're not in the-- [GM] --yeah, nevermind! : ) Later. [everyone in unison] uuuUUHHHHHHH???? [Henry] DM???? DM?????? [Sammy] EXTREMELY OMINOUS, [Joey] Looks at all the different skills that start with S,,, [Sammy] Anyway yeah! We won't make any checks, because everything's fine!!

[Joey] Joey is going to do his best to look like a completely normal well-composed person!

[GM] "How did you know we would be here?" [Joey] I didn't. I've been carrying this for quite a while. [Sammy] (I MEAN, HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH, TECHNICALLY,) [GM] "You just... happened to be in the cemetery?" [Joey] I'm doing research! For a Halloween cartoon. Where else am I going to be? [GM] ...I don't think this actually requires a Fast Talk roll.

[GM] Meanwhile, Sammy gets to make a roll to see how long it takes them to find a cab at 6 am! [Sammy] Is this a luck roll? I'm super good at those. [Sammy] *rolls* [Sammy] Uh. A while. [GM] Probably Joey's able to catch up before Sammy manages to flag down a cab. [Sammy] I like the idea that it's not that we haven't found a cab, it's that we haven't managed to flag one down. [GM] One stopped; Sammy did such awful French it drove away. [Sammy] One drives by, it doesn't even stop; Sammy just swears at it,

[Sammy] Sammy will look him over and just ask, "how'd it go?" [Joey] Joey winks at him. [GM] The Lurker does it too. [GM] Experimentally.

[Joey] Joey wants to grab the first cab, shove Tom in it, shove some money in his lap, and French the cab driver to take him to a normal hospital. [Sammy] (tHANKS FOR THAT WORDING,) [GM] That's one way to Fast Talk!

[GM] Well, Joey, you are considering that Bruce Northeast may be a fine anthropologist and studier of cultures, but he is an amateur of the occult, and you brush him aside and start correcting mistakes. [Henry] This feels right.

[Lurker] So you know before, when you were all gung-ho about helping, with the host and the ritual, and serving and all, [Sammy] ... [Lurker] And you kept talking about sheep? [Sammy] Ah.

[Joey] How big is this ritual circle? [GM] I mean, game-size, big summoning circle situation? [Henry] Yeah, y'know, summoning circle size!

[Sammy] (WELL here's the thing: when we made this plan, THE LURKER WASN'T OUR SON.)

[chyornaya-vdova]

She's gone, come Over

A collab with panda365 aka @gammacousin

Tony's made a stupid Titkot Challenge on Pepper and wants Bruce to do the same to Natasha. Obviously Nat is not amused and Bruce has to fear for his life.

AO3   ff.net

Tony’s whining again, grumbling in the lab with puffy eyes and a scrappy blanket over his shoulder. He jumps when Banner enters the lab, the door slammed behind him.

“What’d you do? Pepper kicked you out?” Bruce asked, wondering what Tony's done to make Pepper that furious with him.

Tony tried to compose himself, but failed. “Uh nothing. Just a joke. She didn't take it that well…“ He mumbled, looking away from his science bro.

Bruce sighed and held the bridge of his nose. “What did you do?“ Sure, it wasn't the first time this happened, but Pepper sounded more angry than usual when it came to Tony's shenanigans. And he should know, he was an expert when it came to anger.

“You know the latest app all the kids are using?“ Tony explained with a flourishing hand gesture “I tried one of the trends out. Didn’t end well.”

“And?”

“Annnd I texted Pepper a minute after she walked out the door and said ‘okay she’s gone, you can come over now’. And I waited.“

Bruce sighed again, long and deep. He could already guess what happened next. What did Tony expect to happen? That she won't be furious and won't throw him out? He held his forehead and thought about what he should say. This was just too ridiculous.

“You know how her nose twitches when she’s mad?” Said Tony, before he could think of anything to say.

“No.” Was all he could say in that moment.

“Well! It was twitching!”

“Is that really important right now…?“ He mumbled, not getting out of the sighing circle anytime soon.

Tony was supposed to be smart and then he did something as stupid as this. When Bruce looked at his friend again, he knew something bad would happen soon. Tony had this weird look on his face. As if he had a stupid idea that'll bring them into lots of trouble.

“No.“ Said Bruce before Tony could vocalize out his idea.

“I haven't said anything.“

“I said no.“

“What if I dare you? I’ll make a bet!”

He'll regret asking, “What bet…?“

“I’ll give you $500 to put towards your new microscope if you try the trend on Natasha the next time she leaves.”

Banner scoffed and put on his lenses, ready to focus on working, “I don’t have a death wish, thanks anyways.”

“Dude! Bro! Come on…! You have to live-!“

“Yeah! I’d like to.”

“$700…$1,000…eternal bragging rights with the boys? It’s bad luck to keep telling me no.”

“Look, when the time comes where Nat needs to take me down, I don't want it to happen like this, okay?“ Bruce grumbled. As nice as it sounded to have a new microscope, his life was at risk. It's not the same when Pepper's mad. Yes, she was creepy when angry, but Bruce swore to never ever get on Nat's bad side. Ever. And he was quite sure once she 'killed' him, the other guy would be next.

Tony tapped at his knee, jaw twisted in thought. “I’ll bargain with Cap on the next mission! No Hulk. Period. You can science behind the tech screen while we kick butt. Deal?”

Bruce bit his lip so hard it almost bled. He groaned, tugging at his curls frustrated. Before he could answer he needed to look at his options. Would it be really worth it? “I guess it won't matter if I'm dead...”

“If you live it’s an amazing story.”

He whipped around and counted on his fingers. “No Hulk on the next mission, a brand new microscope, and $50,000 down on a new house for Nat and I.”

Tony was visibly cringing. “Shi-rrr. Sure. Dang you’re expensive upkeep! One condition- this is all recorded via the security tapes for my viewing pleasure later. Okay? Deal?“

He already knew why Tony wanted it recorded. “You're gonna put the footage on YouTube and this children’s app, aren’t you?“ He asked, sighing once again.

“Nooooo, of course not! Who do you think I am?“ A liar. That's what he was.

Bruce hesitated for a few more minutes, weighing all his options again. Maybe if he already had the house, she probably, hopefully would be less pissed? He was thinking about surprising her with it anyway, so why not use it as a method to prevent his imminent death. Bruce sighed. “Okay. Deal.“ He already regretted it...

-------------------------------------------------

Natasha suiting up for an errand always took twenty minutes. She’s lingering in the hallway and strapped on her gear and a knife in a secret holster.

She yelled with her short hair bouncing, “Bruce! I’m getting sandwiches for lunch, what do you want?”

“Is the salami going to threaten your life?”

He pointed to her holster.

She smirked, tugging her belt a little tighter and reached for the keys, “Not if I kill him first.”

“Where are you going?”

“Whatever I see first. Tony's paying of course.“ Said the redhead, as she held up Tony's credit that she kept stealing from him.

“How-? You’re going to get caught one of these days.”

“I’m a spy, Vrach.” And it's not like Tony made it difficult for her. It was easier than stealing a lolly from a baby.

Bruce rolls his eyes, looking her over with a thought. “Do you have your phone on you?”

She tapped her side. “Yep. Should I text you where I end up? Can you text me your order?”

Bruce smirked, already trying to hide his evil thoughts and the unhinged nerves that accompanied it. “Yep! Sounds great!”

Natasha made sure she had everything she needed, before kissing Bruce's cheek. “Okay, I'm off.“ Bruce gave her a little wave, as she left.

He bit his cheek and watched and waited. Maybe if he lingered a bit longer she’d be halfway to pick up their lunch. He’d have a full half hour to prepare for the explosion.

Or maybe Natasha would just laugh it off...find amusement in the prank. Heck, she lives with a bunch of guys. She’s used to this...right?

“R.I.P, me...” Bruce reached for the phone, tapped his messages and clicked her name. He typed quickly;

‘She just left. You can come over.’

As he hit the 'send' button he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Now he had to wait...

He stood and dropped his phone back onto the table and circled around to head to his private office. He lifted a hand to the door handle and heard the sound of screeching tires pulling back up to the tower. Someone was driving recklessly. Dangerous considering New York streets. He entered his office and swung the door lazily closed. It sprung back open and hit the wall, forcefully. Almost as loud as the screech that followed...almost.

“Robert Bruce Banner!”

He cringed and looked up, trying to play innocent. The green shade in her eyes and the blush on her cheeks did nothing to help the situation.

Natasha stood there, his phone in her hand with her pupils the size of full on quarters.

“What. The. Hell?!“

“Uh-”

He couldn’t get a word in. She was talking again. “Who’s ‘she’?! ‘She’ who?!”

“She uh.. “ he stuttered, English shipping his mind. “She you.”

Natasha lifted her eyebrows. “Me. So I left and you thought it would be a good idea to call over your, what, your other girlfriend?!”

“I don’t have another girlfriend-“

“Did you realize you were texting me?! Who were you trying to text?!“

“Well, uh...“

“Give me your phone!” She dropped her head and charged like a bull, searching his pockets like an unhinged rabid animal.

“Natasha!” He squirmed away, receiving a slap to his shoulder in the process. “Ow!”

She screamed, pivoting. She dropped her own device in her circle, scrambling to locate his device. “Where did you put it?!”

“Natasha!” He followed her down the hall, finding just the slightest amusement in her demeanor. If she wasn’t a trained killer, unraveling his significant other might have a bit of play to it.

She slammed her hand on the table and lifted his phone, her lip trembling as she went off in a mumbled Russian. Bruce would prefer the screaming to the whispers. He knew she could hurl a knife in his direction at any moment with just the flick of her wrist.

“Betty?! Were you trying to text Betty?! You texted Betty, didn't you?!”

He looked at her, softly and kindly, trying to take a seat at the table she was hunched over at, frantic with his phone in her hand.

“Hey, honey-“

“Don’t you honey me! You’ll answer the damn question!”

“Okay, okay!” He lifted his hands in surrender. “Easy! Just take it easy.”

…there’s the knife. An inch away from his throat. Natasha held her frown, immovable in her position. “Answer. The. Question.“ She growled at him and it was pretty frightening.

“I will. I will. Let's talk, okay?” He managed to squeak out.

Romanoff glared at him for a few more seconds, before tucking her blade and hurled it at the wall, shattering a glass in the process. She forced a grin and dropped his phone. “Okay, let’s talk…”

“It was a bet, Nat.“ he grinned nervously, “I didn’t, mean to-.“

“Tony? Was it Tony? It was Tony, wasn’t it.”

“Nat. We’re just talking.”

Natasha tugged her jacket in a huff, standing a bit straighter with her same intimidating eye contact. Her jaw was tight, no doubt grinding his heart against her molars.

“It was a prank- that’s it.“ He reassured her as honestly as possible.

Her head tilted, an eyebrow raised. It was crystal clear that she didn't believe a word he said. “Really. That’s it?”

“I might’ve. Well I might’ve...”

“Talk, Robert!”

“I made a bet! Alright? I made a bet with Tony.”

She crossed her arms, her death glare was still there. “With Tony.”

“With Tony…it was a big bet.”

“Did you gamble away a kidney?”

“No…just...listen-“

“I am listening!” She hissed impatiently. Yes, he understood, she just wanted him to get to the point.

He looked up, those bright puppy dog eyes she would like to tear out at that moment, “Without cutting me off?”

Natasha walked over to her knife, took it down with a huff, and sat back at the table with a boot on the chair. With her fingers running along the blade she nodded ever so slightly.

“I’m going to die...” He mumbled to himself.

She nodded again, still staring at the knife. “We'll see. I'll be the judge of that.“ Nat answered, who obviously heard his mumbling. It was true, though. His life was in her heavily armed hands. It's usually a good thing, but he's never been on the receiving end before...

He laid his hands on the table. “Alright. First of all, there is no other girlfriend. Just you. You’re my everything.”

Natasha snorted with sarcastic laughter, again not believing anything he said. “Listen! Please. I made a bet with Tony, for us. For you and me. He was being stupid, he wanted me to do something equally stupid, so I said I would if he gave me $50,000.”

Now she looked up from her knife with a raised eyebrow.

“For a house! Tasha! Put away the judgement for ten minutes, I swear you can cut me open when I’m done talking.“ He sighed and crossed his arms. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”

Natasha looked back down at the knife in her hands. A few seconds ticked by. A minute. A very long and agonizing minute. “And that...that’s worth giving me a heart attack?”

“Well, uh…“ It kinda was, since now they had the house, but he still feared for his life and half lied to her instead. “No. No it’s not. I'm sorry.”

“This wasn’t funny.“ She scolded. Of course she was right. He knew it from the beginning.

“It wasn't.“ He agreed immediately. “Forgive me?”

She kicked the chair in front of her, still glaring. “I need a ten foot radius for the next 48 hours.”

“Sooo, I’m not forgiven.”

“I’ll think about it.” She reached back for her keys. “You never told me what you wanted for lunch.”

“Oh. Yeah. Well if you’re going to-”

“No no. You’re going with me. You obviously need to be supervised since apparently you can’t behave when I’m not around.” She scolded as if he's a little kid.

“It was a stupid prank!”

“Stupidity has its consequences. Get in the car.” Natasha turned around to go outside, but he wasn't quite done with her.

“Nat?“ She stopped and just looked at him over her shoulder. “Let's hug it out?“

“Ten foot radius.“ She reminded him, but he wasn't having any of it. Bruce opened his arms and gave her his best puppy look. The redhead glared at him and they stood there for a few seconds. Then, she eventually gave up and came back to hug him. Bruce wrapped his arms tightly around her, holding her as close as physically possible. “You're still not off the hook.“

“I know. You can punish me all you want. I deserve it.“

“You sure as hell do. You have five seconds left.“ Bruce listened as she counted from five downwards and only let go when she reached one.

“I love you, Nat.“ He said, but she answered with something he should've expected but honestly didn't in this situation.

“You're a dork.“ Natasha turned around to leave the room and on her way she waved at him to follow her, which he did.

“Well, I heard chicks dig that.” He couldn't help but reply, which earned him a slap on his arm, this time more gentle than before.

[salty-fang]

Twisted Fate Sugar Edition

Part three (sorry for the long wait) thanks for being patient @loveswifi

Marinette had had a weird day. She had kept being pulled in the direction of people who could’ve been mistaken for male versions of herself. Jason, Tim and Dick.

She had met Jason first. She had taken a quick detour from her hour-long trip to the fabric store. It had been a week after her outing with Gina, Alfred and Bruce Wayne but a week before the whole Lila debacle. She hadn’t expected Lila to even be in Gotham so Marinette didn’t feel the need to worry. She should have.

----------------------------------------------------

Jason had loads of knowledge on malicious stalking. Growing up as a vigilante taught him some things. So, he was truly stunned when he saw two shady people watched that pregnant woman with wolfish glares that he actually felt the need to follow them. He dragged her out of there line of sight, which without an explanation was pretty stupid. She’d kicked him in the balls causing him to hiss.

“Let go of me.”

“I’m trying to help you. A woman and a man have been watching you for a fucking long time. I just wanted to make sure you knew them. By the way, I’m Jason Todd.”

“Marinette.”

“One of them literally has sausages for hair. I think I’m going to have nightmares for a while.”

“Ugh, you should meet Lila Rossi.”

“Agreste's new wife?”

“Yup. Her eyes are so cold and dead. And she wears so much orange. It’s so painful when you actually look at her that I’d rather stick pins in my eyes.”

“Yo, this chick is the same. You sure we aren’t talking about the same person?” she snuck a quick look around the corner, laughing at the confusion on both Lila and Kim’s faces. She’d laughed too loud as Lila’s head whipped in her direction.

“That’s definitely her. Still as annoying as ever.” Kim had whispered something in Lila's ear just as she rounded the corner. They had started sprinting towards her and were going to catch her if she didn’t move her ass.

‘I can’t run far in heels. I’m going to have to catch a bus. The doctor did tell me to take it easy. Can’t affect those triplets with too much movement.’

She had only made it outside the door when she felt herself be hoisted onto sturdy shoulders.

“Let go of me! Oh it’s you Jay. Give a girl some warning will ya!” she said sighing in exasperation.

“Sorry but you really thought I was going to watch them hurt my little sis.”

“Hey! I’m not little. And put me down. “

“That’s what your focused on? And I won’t put you down. You may think you don’t need help but you’re wrong. So let your good big bro do his job.

“Good my ass,” she muttered, ducking under a signpost. “More like arrogant goofball.” Kim and Lila had either disappeared or they just blended in with the crowd very well. They’d probably lost them. Thank God for that.

“Jay, you can put me down now.”

“Huh, are they gone?”

“Yup.” She said popping the ‘p'. “Thank you Jay. For everything.”

“No worries, pixie pop. You’re my sis. I’d kill a bitch for you.” Marinette had fallen in line with Jason. But with his long strides and her pregnancy she was always steps behind him. Sure he’d fall back to match her pace but Lila had waited until the perfect moment to capitalise. She’d tried to scream for help but she had lost the ability to. They dragged her round the corner to one of her favourite cafés. Her head ached where Lila had pulled tightly on her braid (think Lady Noire) as she felt several strands of her hair fall out. Had no one found her being dragged around slightly disturbing?

She supposed no one cared about business that didn’t affect them in Gotham. Wow. Great, just great. She’d submitted herself fully when another blue-eyed black-haired man had come to her rescue. Seriously, was everyone in Gotham like Jay Jay or had he just been a manifestation of her sleep deprivation. He’d seemed so real, so human but it wouldn’t be the first time her mind would make something so absurd up. It was probably her loneliness acting up again. There was no way any sane person would stay around her for so long.

---------------------------------------------------

Surprisingly it had been Tim who saved her, though she hadn’t known that. Unsurprisingly, Jay and him had two distinctly different personalities. He lived off coffee, looked twice his age with those bags but had such wit about him that he could manipulate the situation without the other party realising. He had been surrounded by so many coffee cups that she had thought he had been in his final year preparing for exams or perhaps working night shifts every day of the week. But nooooo, he was the co-CEO of a business. Starting at the age of 17. Marinette had felt some of the burden dropped on her and she wasn’t even in his position. No wonder he looked like he needed a pick me up. It was just as well that she’d come equipped with her special coffee. She’d make more for Gina later, he needed it more. Plus, Gigi wouldn’t be back in hours.

“I know you said it was alright to sit with you uhh...”

“Tim.”

“Right, Tim. I don’t want to bother you anymore but that coffee looks like it doesn’t do shit for you. I made some for my grandma but she won’t be back for ages so maybe... you would like it?” Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Of course he won’t want some he probably thinks you’re a weirdo who poisoned his drink. Maybe you can take it back from him? “ on second thought-"

“Sure. Why not?” Ok Tim needs sleep. My God, I could have spiked his drink and he accepted it. He’s so vulnerable like this.

“If I give you my drink it will probably take a minute to kick in but... but you have to promise me that you’ll drink my power down later. If you don’t I’ll find you and I’ll get you to sleep one way or another. Don’t test me.” He gulped, eyes wide as he frantically nodded. “Good. Now would you like some pastries to go with your Marinette’s Super Special?” Her shift in character made him freeze. He couldn’t find his voice quick enough and instead opted for a simple thumbs up. She dug two flasks out of her bag, placing one in front of him and sniffed her own. Then, she brought two plates out, setting out croissants so buttery they made him drool, raspberry macaroons and a dozen mini chocolate chip muffins.

“You look like you needed a sugar rush so I guessed what you might like. Sorry if they’re not your favourites. Now chop chop eat up child!” Tim took a tentative sip of his drink feeling it slip down his throat. It had been just how he liked it yet slightly stronger. And then he felt the kick. It had been so small that his brain glossed over it but it’d been there. He was starting to feel more human again. And it had shown. His face had become less pallid and gaunt, his eyes held a fire that had been previously extinguished and his movements became less robotic, almost lighter. Before Marinette could utter ‘I told you so' everything had vanished. Tim was never usually a messy eater but he definitely was right now. Chocolate was smeared all over his chin , flakes from the croissant had littered around his suit and coffee had spilt on his white polo shirt.

“Beanie,” he muttered, a wild look in his egyptian blue eyes. “Please tell me you’re real. Or I at least died and went to heaven. You’re too sweet not to be in my life. I don’t know how I lived without you before. Please, I need you as my dealer. Your coffee is the only one I’ll ever drink again. Please.”

----------------------------------------------------

It wasn’t every day you saw Tim Drake beg on his knees and whine. But when you did, you would probably laugh your ass off. Whoever that poor girl was had just attracted the attention of invasive photographers. Unlucky, but at least they would get a show out of it.

“If I give you my coffee you’re not going to sleep. You’re going to be a living zombie and I can’t live with that. I’d rather not have anyone connecting me with your death from excessive tiredness.” Tim knew he had to play dirty if he was going to win. Thankfully, Steph had taught him how to master the art of puppy dog eyes which he aimed at Marinette. He then wrapped his arms around her leg, consequently being dragged along the unsanitary sidewalk to where both their belongings were.

“Please please please please PLEASE.” He noticed Marinette’s will become fragile. He wobbled his bottom lip, sniffling softly. “I’ll stop begging if you say yes. Please beanie.”

“Fine.” She huffed whilst he fist pumped the air. “But we do things on my terms alright?”

“Yes ma’am!”

“Jeez. You’ve given me a headache.” She stated aiming a half-hearted glare at a sheepish Tim. “That’s an achievement, dude, not even Chloé could do that and her tantrums were super bratty.”

He had gone to apologise when shrill ringing rang in the air.

“Sorry,” he mouthed. “ I have to take this.”

“Jason what do you want? You just interrupted my deal with my dealer.”

“ I didn’t know you had it in you. But now isn’t the time. I need you to check security where you are. Pixie pop's gone missing.”

“Pixie pop?”

“I’ll explain later but right now she’s in danger. See you in 5 replacement.” With nothing left to say the line went dead and he decided to run some checks on Jason’s location whilst idly chatting with Marinette. She had asked for his unique insight on her latest design.

“What shade would you use on this? I’m only asking because of your peculiar style.”

“Definitely lavender but towards the bottom fade into a dark purple. And peculiar?”

“Who wears a suit on a hot summers day?” she asked eyebrow raised.

“Me. Batman. Business owners. Cosplayers. Bruce Wayne. The list could go on but I don’t have all day.” He said throwing an exaggerated wink at her.

“None of those people you mentioned are normal except maybe cosplayers so it doesn’t count. Better luck next time. I’m going to go pee.” Tim had opened his mouth to respond when he spotted Jason. He looked terrible. His hair was matted against his forehead with sweat, his eyes were bloodshot.

“I came as soon as I could. What did you find replacement? Spit it out. I don’t have all fucking day.”

“First, I want you to meet me dealer and then we can talk about what happened to ‘pixie' and who they even are.”

“Tim, as much as I’d love to meet your drug buddy, it’ll have to wait. She’s more important. I’m worried that the people who took her are going to seriously harm her.”

“Fine but you’re missing out on meeting the sweetest girl ever.”

“I’ll pass.” Jason snarled before turning back to the pixelated security feed. “That was where I last saw her. That’s weird. It’s like she disappeared from all footage. Do you have any other leads?”

“Jay-Jay?” Marinette barrelled into him locking him in a hug. “How do you know tater-tot?”

“Hey!”

“Sorry little lady but I’m looking for someone. Holy shit, is that you pixie pop?”

“Yup and who you calling little lady? I’m fun sized and could totally whoop your ass if I wasn’t pregnant. Just remember that Jason.” The way she had said his name sent shivers up his spine. She had delivered her sentence as a fact, not a threat.

“That’s why you’re my favourite, pixie pop.” Jason said, tearing up.

“Replacement, how did you even save Marinette?”

“They probably took a look at his half dead state and got scared off.” After an hour of re-introduction, they finally left. Jason drove her back on his motorcycle and dumped Tim’s limp body (from drinking Marinette’s calming chai tea) on his back.

With many hours to kill before Gina would be back from her night shift, she got changed into her gym clothes- a pink shirt with short sleeves and grey shorts- and headed to her local sports centre. Surprisingly, it was Dick who saved her this time

Marinette had been doing light exercise to keep in shape every day since she arrived in Gotham. She had a daily routine of squats, sit ups and weights, moving at her own pace. She had only attended the gym once before this and everyone had been friendly or had just gone about their days. Today was the first day anyone had actually approached her

“Hey sunshine, is it alright if I call you sunshine?” She nodded. “There’s a creepy guy watching you. He hasn’t actually done any workouts but he’s pointing his phone at you for a hell of a long time.���

“Thank you for telling me...”

“Richard but you can call me Dick.” She snickered. “If you want to that is.” Dick walked away to take a quick call from his brother when...

WARNING: YOU MIGHT NOT BE COMFORTABLE READING THIS PART. TW: sexual harassment. I'll put a brief summary at the bottom if you would rather skip

When she felt a firm hand squeeze her ass. She felt it trail down her shorts before she could even look at their face. She leapt away from his grasp, her breathing heavy as she looked around for any support. Unfortunately, the gym was empty, giving the predator an easy advantage.

“Hey baby did anyone tell you you’re damn sexy when you smile? Cuz you definitely are.” he aimed a snide smile at her. His yellow teeth glinted and his heady scent made her sick. “Princess, come back to mine tonight. We could have so much fun together and I’ll make you scream until you forget your own name. So, how about it?” He had approached he, pushing her boundaries, forcing her to back up against the wall.

‘No. Not ever. But especially not today.’

Marinette paled quickly. Gina wouldn’t be home for hours and he would most likely follow her home anyways. With no one to bear witness to this, he could do as he pleased. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. He could seriously hurt her or worse... and there would be nothing she could do about it. She’d just fade into the background, just another statistic. No one would believe her because ‘she shouldn’t have dressed like that’ and ‘she definitely wanted it’. So, she would fight and if he won well so be it. At least she had done all she could.

“Has anyone told you it’s rude to hit on people’s girlfriends?” Dick said forcing himself between them. He knew she could handle it but something about that guy made him uneasy. Marinette had exuded confidence but she still trembled and he could see how tense her muscles had been.

“He’s your boyfriend? You could do so much better than him. Just tell him your coming home with me. Or better yet, I’ll pay you to do it in front of me.” Marinette could see the repulsion on Dick’s face, as she gagged. “Yes, that would be way better. I’ll seriously pay you. Got a couple hundred bucks if you want it.” He stated palming himself through his jeans.

“No thanks. Maybe after she’s given birth?”

“She’s pregnant? What a slut. I bet she poked holes in your condom so you wouldn’t be able to leave her. Anyways, got to get back home to the wife and kids. Hit me up when she’s good again.” Marinette flung her arms around Dick as soon as she was sure he was gone.

Tw over

“Thank you so much. He wouldn't have stopped if you hadn’t come Dick.”

“No problem, sunshine.”

“It’s Marinette.” She mumbled, scuffing her shoes against the gym floor.

“What?”

“The name's Marinette. I would have loved to meet you under different circumstances. Oh well. Nice to meet you anyways.”

“You too Mari. Are you driving back home?”

“I actually walked her. I’ll probably just call a taxi or walk back.”

“No way sunshine. That guy is a huge sleaze ball. I don’t doubt that he’ll try something funny. If no one’s coming to pick you up I’ll walk you back home. Ok?”

“Ok.”

Dick had been completely right. The dude had been waiting outside, most likely waiting for Mari to leave but when he saw them leave together, he raced to his car. Dick had memorized his license plate and got a brief description of the car but he would probably dump it somewhere. Still, no harm in trying. He watched constantly to see if he was following them and took some turns to shake him off. In the end, they had arrived and Dick hadn’t left until he saw her actually enter her apartment. He had to tell everyone about Marinette.

-------------------------------------------------

Marinette’s battery had been drained, both physically and socially after that week. Lila had pissed her off and she felt really bad for that guy she spewed on. Not like she would see him again. She’d spent all week working on the dress Tim helped her with to wear to her visit to the Wayne’s tomorrow. It had been her fastest completed project ever, though she had neglected eating and sleeping. Marinette had to agree with Tim. The fade into dark purple had been a nice addition and made it really stand out. Even Penny had thought so when she saw it on their chat about commissions. A hungover Jagged threw a ‘rock’n’roll’ over her shoulder and Marinette had felt a pang in her heart at the tenderness they treated each other with. Maybe, one day she could have that special bond with someone too. But she needed to focus on helping herself heal first. She could see the apologetic look written over Penny’s face to which she giggled at before declaring that she needed some rest.

Gina had forced her to rest before they visited the Wayne’s. Apparently today had been Thursday not Wednesday? The days had just blended into one. She had been intrigued to meet the rest of the family but she felt so weak.

‘Oh well,’ she thought. ‘Nothing a little tea can’t fix.’

Since she had found out she was pregnant, all her normal guilty pleasures had been off limits. No double espresso as bitter as her soul and no alcohol. She had to adapt to the restrictions because of her doctor. So, she whipped up a tea as strong as her go to coffee with way less caffeine. It had still her the kick she needed but it wasn’t as good as she would have liked. Still, she’d take what she could get. It still aggravated her when she would reach for a glass of white wine or coffee beans forgetting about the warnings. It aggravated her when she would call out to Tikki to transform forgetting she was no longer by her side. She would toy with her empty earlobes before letting her tears fall freely. Tikki had been the most loyal-kwami or human- and she still got taken. She wouldn’t pretend it hadn’t hurt but she had moved on. Some days she would remember she wasn’t with her and cry but on some she’d pretend everything was normal. Today was one of those days where she wore herself out from crying. Gina had caught her but even she knew Marinette needed space, assuming she was still upset about Adrien.

After a good half an hour of crying, she went to freshen up refusing to look like a puffer fish when she met everyone. Dabbling at her eyes, she applied light mascara and used concealer under her bags so she wouldn’t look as dead as Tim. She slipped into the dress, wearing it with pride. It had fit like a glove exemplifying her curves and showing her protruding baby bump. That had been the only downside as she wanted it to be a surprise. Though, nothing slipped past Alfred’s keen eyes. She’d been puzzled as to how she could style her hair before she settled on voluminous curls. It had required Gina’s help and a hell of a lot of hairspray but it had been worth it. She set her flower crown upon her head (delivered to her by Adrien) and placed one on Gina's. She’d been quite surprised when Gina told her she would have to go by herself but it wouldn’t be too bad. Alfred and Bruce were kind so she could just chat with them if the others were rude.

--------------------------------------------------

Damian was annoyed. Gina was late. Very late. And he’d been waiting for hours for her to arrive. A soft rap on the door sent him flying out of his seat as he scrambled to unlock the door. He’d expected Gina but on their doorstep was that angel from before.

“You,” he whispered. “Why are you here?” He didn’t like feeling confused so he schooled his features to be cold and cynical. Footsteps behind him caused him to instinctively slam the door shut.

“Sorry angel.” Not that she could hear him. Jason had stood behind him, watching him with curiosity.

“Demon spawn. Who was at the door?” Shit. He couldn’t exactly say how he knew her or his reputation would be tarnished. Everyone in his family knew Todd was the biggest gossiper and he would definitely spread the news. Like hell would he tell Todd. He’d take that secret to his grave.

"It was bArBarA. I mean Gordon. Yeah it was Gordon.” His voice may have cracked several times but it was a convincing lie, right?

“One, you almost never call people by their first names.” Jason said, eyes narrowing slightly. “Two your voice sounded awful. And you don’t stray from perfection. So, what’s your deal?

“Puberty?” He shrugged trying to conceal his panic.

“I’ll take your bullshit for now but you forgot Barbara’s already here. Let’s try this again. Who was at the door?”

“It was that harlot that Grayson suggested I try to court.

“Oh, that bitch. She’s all yours. Just keep her away from me. And Damian when dinner is over, I’ll find you and I’ll kill you. Make no mistake.” And with that, he threw a quick salute over his shoulder and strolled away. Damian had let out a sigh of relief, turning to walk away before he remembered who was still outside.

“Todd tell everyone I went to the bathroom.” He yelled shutting the front door before he could hear his reply. He descended down the stairs only to find her missing. He had begun mapping out all the locations of the manor when his eyes fell upon her. He felt the air forcibly be removed from his lungs and he remained unmoving. Awestruck. His heart squeezed as he watched her sniff his magnolias that he tended to. The way her dress pooled around her and the small but present baby bump had made him flush.

‘She truly was an angel.’ His eyes glanced at the flower crown entangled in her inky locks as the moonlit sky enhanced her celestial look. ‘She’s also much more than that though.’

“Take a picture. It’ll last longer.” She saw his mortified face. “You know getting a door slammed in your face isn’t the greatest first impression a family could give.”

“I’m sorry. But what are you doing here?”

“Expecting a warm welcome, not being left out in the cold, really anything but this. And I don’t even know you so...”

"You do."

"Excuse me?"

"You puked on me. I didn’t think you were going to ever see me again so you surprised me. I didn’t want to explain to anyone how we were acquainted.”

"I’m so sorry. It’s these stupid hormones. And that stupid Lila. Everything is just stupid."

"Lila Rossi? She is pretty stupid.” And then something changed. His face was softer and he hadn’t looked like he would bite her head off. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m waiting for my grandma but maybe tomorrow. I’m meeting a stuck-up client so I’m gonna need to vent. I’ll tell you the details later?”

“Fine with me.” She hobbled away. She had been patiently waiting by the doorstep, her soft rap probably inaudible due to all the chaos. He whipped out his spare key, unlocking the door. He hadn’t expected that soft click to prompt the attention of his whole family.

"Marinette-"

“Beanie?”

“Pixie pop?”

“Sunshine?”

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH DAMIAN?” they screamed, rushing forwards to envelop her in hugs.

“I let her in. You guys didn’t even hear her knocking. Wait, how do you all know Angel?”

His eyes nervously flitted to hers at the slip of his private nickname. He saw the flush on her cheeks as her mouth formed a small ‘o'. She couldn’t even look him in the eyes as the others taunted him for his cute pet name. He felt Dick ruffle his hair, which took a while to style, and Jason poke his sides. He felt Tim snicker and Barbara pinch his cheek. And he felt Marinette link their hands together in solidarity, enduring the teasing with him. They had been so embarrassed that they completely missed the arrival of Gina and the scheming look on Alfred’s face who dished her the gossip. They missed the dark but silent chuckle that left both Gina and Alfred as they decided to meddle in their kids failing love lives.

“What’d I miss, my little chicks? Because Mama’s home.”

NOTES (optional)

In the part labelled with tw here is what happens:

Creepy old 50 year old man hits on Marinette and feels her up. He asks her to come home with him but Dick helps her out and stops him. He tells them he would pay to watch them go at it and calls Marinette names. He eventually 'leaves' to his wife and kids.

Tags:

@sassakitty @lunathealphafemale @krispydefendorpolice @blackmagicforever @nach0ava @wannajointhecrabcult @thornalchemist23 @moonlightstar64 @iloveitwhen @little-angel1031 @screwthisshit111 @rebecarojas07 @animegirlweeb @mystery-5-5 @moonystars14 @gingerdaile @spyofthenightcourt @mialuvscats @notmycupoftea26 @thequeenofpotatoeunicornss @kuroko26 @miracleofadisaster @novicevoice @iloontjeboontje @abrx2002

[gaming-thoughts-by-an-idiot]

Definitely some spoilers for Batman - the telltale series ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

Ok so, I was so lost in the first three eps I forgot I even had thoughts, ikr. So heres from 3rd to 4th episode :)

*Selina and Bruce kissing after Batman was electrocuted and she saved him. *

"Ok well, obviously I have to kiss her"

"Wait wait no"

*it gets.... more physical*

"wAIT NO??? I DONT WANT TO BE APART OF THIS PLEASE-

*disgusted face, but I'm super uncomfortable 😭*

"I dont like this, keep me out if this omg"

"Hhwhsjahwjsgahhahwha SHES UNDRESSING AND THATS A BRA"

"SHE IS WHOA THEY ARE THATS A BED"

"oh thank God, black screen, I didnt have to watch them have sex, jesus thank you"

"Underwear gang"

"Did they put on clothes again after the sex? I have no knowledge. That sounds awkward"

"Excuse me, u mean things l, wait excuse me, wow, hoe. I'm here like cute and you're not"

"Hey, theres my graple gun"

"...where did he put that, hes in his boxers"

"Hes not deadpool either, doubt he stuck the gun up his ass"

"Mmm bagels"

"Hahaha the little run he did"

"IM SORRY HARVEY"

"IM A WHORE HARVEY"

"The drug is making him aggressive"

"I'm not saying anything"

"Does Harvey turn into a monster?"

"Who is he"

"Ahahhaha he crashed into the wall"

"No, wait, Harvey sorry"

"Come and live at my gigantic place, theres apparently a lot of rooms, and two bathrooms and two kitchens"

"I have like, no knowledge about batman and dc tbh, I watched smallville"

"Ok, ok"

"Talking in front of people"

"None of the options were right, staying quiet is best then"

"Why are the brits evil, if you have a posh accent, that means u wanna stab people while drinking tea. According to dc"

"sTiCk To ThE sCrIpT bRuCe"

"Shut up"

"YO WHAT???? SHE??? SHE IS THE BAD GUY EXCUSE ME I AM I AM SO CONFUSED W H A T"

"JDJQJDHSHJSHAHQ I CANT I CANNOT RN"

"ok, ok stay cool, stay cool. Batman is all about cool, no unnecessary violence, law above personal feelings, unless the law is corrupted and is personally trying to murder everyone.... BUT it got our boi detective on the case, so it's not corrupted and I will stay with the law.... but with high heels"

"Nooooo??? What no?? That is not, excuse me no??? I didnt want him to attack, that's the opposite!!"

"I helped the montoya and let harvey fend for himself.... which apparently was a... weird thing"

"I did not punch Oswald, cuz that's anger and wont look good, when you're trying to show composure in an annoying situation"

"I asked Lucius to chill at the bat cave, bcuz I thought it would keep him safe from dangers."

"Yes, I did romance Selina, ik ik, it was a situation. And apparently 90.4% other people did too.... probably very thirsty for cat woman"

"I did not beat up harvey, bcuz it was the drug and not him."

"Okay, next episode"

"Hes in the insane place, ik he owns it, eventually, and is like helping them, and keeps like the bad bad in another level? Or, I... I'm not sure"

"I wonder what would happen if I walked out the door naked"

"Omg, is this??"

",@&2;'bqhdvbagwgsbsbhwhqhabbdjwjzgsgsbsvTHAT THATS THE JOKER QHAGSHAJHAHQ EXCUSE ME QHAT I DID NOT KNOW WHAT IS KLGOING POKKKKQHDJAHAHHWGQ I CAMT QHATTT"

"I AM JUST, SHOOKKET"

"I'm actually nauseous from all that sudden surprise xD"

"Wow, ok, this is new, ok ok cool, lets go, what does he want what what what what????$&#&^3^63^$37#&36"

"Ok ok.... I wont know unless I play, ok, pppppppppppppp, I'm ready"

"Ok but, is this the first time he meets the joker? Is this even lore for batman? Or am I just???"

"Fuck you joker, I'm not lying for you. This woman looks good and normal"

"Joker looks scary "

"Does he even have a name tho? John doe, but, should I google this? Nono what if that spoils"

"The batman logo name, looks like Dat Man"

"Episode four "

"Why is he shirtless"

"Why do I like victor zsasz (?)"

"Oh, bad scars, I am sorry, oh nevermind"

"Guess I have to talk to joker"

"Rude harvey, I thought we were friends"

"Two faced?"

"Does the joker colour his hair?"

Joker: I've been watching you, Bruce, and I can tell there's something darker in you.

Me: it's a poop, he needs to drink more water

Joker: I know what you really are.

Me: say it... out loud

Joker:

Me: hey >:(

"I dont want to, but ok sure"

"Oh yeah btw, I gave away the key"

"Damn, dramatic, ofc I stopped the fighting. Oh god, I should've said fuck off to joker, oh god, I'm a fool"

"Batman would never "

"Yea, I shouldnt have slept with her"

"I'm not paying bullies"

"What am I supposed to do? Oh... I forgot to read"

"Choices time, okay"

"I did promise joker a favour but so did 49% other people"

"I did not go with joker's plan, and 31% people are with me"

"Damn, 48% rammed the barricade, and 51% gave money"

"Wow, ok a lot more went with meeting harvey as batman, I felt that was... not right"

"Oh god, 54% went with stopping Oswald and 45% with stopping harvey... and now my house is on fire"

"Last episode...."

[no-gorms]

Hi! If you're alright with a request, can you do something with Steve or Tony sitting in the other's lap as a joke? Or refusing to sit in the other's lap? Thanks! Feel free to ignore this if you're busy or uninspired or whatever.

Hello, this is ridiculous but I hope you like!

Steve/Tony, lap-sitting, background Bruce/Nat (also on ao3)

+

It’s nice to visit the Barton farm on their own terms, without the threat of world annihilation looming over their heads. A city boy Steve may be, but he gets the appeal of the place – the peace, the quiet, and especially the (comforting illusion of) distance from the never-ending stream of Avengers-related problems back in the city. Here it is calm, and here they can recharge.

Not that the others seem interested in recharging. They’re all outside the house: Natasha and Clint are having an intensely polite disagreement on how to handle the grill, Thor and Sam are chasing and being chased by various Barton kids, and Bruce and Tony seem to be yelling at each other about the chairs.

Steve’s on the porch, a glass of lemonade in his hand. He follows the steps down, into the thick of Bruce’s huffing at Tony.

“That’s my jacket,” Bruce is saying, his hands on his hips. He’s looming over the only deck chair among the series of wooden chairs, in which Tony is sitting in with his legs stretched out in front of him.

“That doesn’t mean dibs,” Tony says. “If you wanted the deck chair—”

“Then I should have put something of mine on it to call dibs? Is that what I should have done?” Bruce looks up at Steve’s approach. “Cap, Tony stole my chair.”

“I already said that we can share,” Tony says.

“There are other chairs, Bruce,” Steve points out.

“It’s the principle of it,” Bruce says quietly.

“Look, right here.” Tony pats his lap. “Is it the view, is that what you want? Come on, make yourself comfy.”

Bruce hums thoughtfully. “What if I Hulk out and then sit on you?”

“Bruce,” Steve says.

“Maybe you can ask Cap to build you another one,” Tony says.

“I thought building things was your specialty,” Bruce says.

“Tony, just let Bruce have the chair,” Steve says.

“Why are you taking his side!” Tony exclaims.

“Because he knows a chair thief when he sees one,” Bruce says. “I could flatten you. Like that.”

“No, you’re what, 170? That’s nothing. Come on.” Tony gestures at himself, while Bruce’s face twists in irritation. “It’s early, but you can tell Santa Stark what you want for Christmas.”

“You’re both being ridiculous.” Steve doesn’t exactly know why he does it. It’s probably a combination of the easy atmosphere, Bruce’s petty seething, Tony’s petty mockery, and the refreshing ridiculousness of their arguing about a chair instead of anything really important, which makes Steve want to take the most nonsensical route as is befitting the situation.

So Steve sits on Tony’s lap. He does it over Tony’s squawk of surprise, his back facing Tony and his feet flat on the ground, with his knees and Tony’s knees in rough alignment. Steve takes care to spread his weight carefully to avoid squashing him, though the solid muscle of Tony’s thighs really do seem to take his weight just fine.

Bruce blinks a few times. His expression clears. “Okay, this works for me. Enjoy your deck chair.” He happily trots over to another empty chairand sits down.

“Nooooo,” Tony whines, his voice somewhere to the left of Steve’s neck. “I’m being crushed. I’m dying. This is cruel, even for you.”

“The view is nice, actually,” Steve says.

“Not that I can see anything now, thanks,” Tony grumps.

Steve takes another sip of his drink. “Why did Bruce want this chair?”

“He’s just holding a grudge because he thinks I took his chair on the Quinjet earlier,” Tony says.

“Did you?”

“Yeah, but that’s only ‘cause, like, I thought he’d want to sit next to Nat.”

Steve sighs. “Tony.”

“What!” Tony shifts a little, and Steve moves his weight higher up to reduce pressure on Tony’s knees. It’s kind of nice, actually – Tony’s lapis firm but with some cushiony give, though Steve will definitely get up in a minute or so once his point is made. “So if Bruce thinks I just have a weird chair-stealing fixation, then he can keep on believing that I’m dumb enough to not have noticed that that thing is going on.”

“Or maybe you can just not interfere at all,” Steve suggests.

“Oh please, like you haven’t not done anything yourself.”

“I haven’t been reduced to stealing furniture, no.”

“I have lows that will surprise even you.” Tony pauses. “As do you, apparently.”

Steve laughs under his breath. “Yeah.” He glances over at Bruce, who’s made his comfortable sitting in one chair, and his legs propped up on another. “Okay, Bruce is looking better, so please don’t antagonize him any more than necessary, all right?”

Steve starts to move his weight forward onto his feet but is stopped by Tony’s quiet: “No, Steve, wait, wait.” Tony’s voice is urgent and barely above a whisper. His hands come to Steve’s waist, fluttering lightly as though unsure if he’s allowed to touch or not. “Just – just don’t move yet, okay?”

Steve immediately tenses up, his first thought being that he’s hurt Tony. He carefully inches to the side a little, hoping to ease the pressure on Tony’s lap, and this is when he feels something twitch under his right buttcheek.

Steve freezes, Tony freezes, and the whole world briefly takes on the shocking glow of revelation, before it fades and devolves back to a relaxed and scenic daytime barbecue. A couple of yards away, Thor is holding Mjolnir out and letting a pair of the Barton kids swing from the handle.

“Ah.” Steve adds quickly, “Tony, it’s okay. You don’t need to freak out.”

“Me?” Tony says. “You think I’m the one who should be freaking out?”

Steve rolls his eyes, though Tony can’t see it. “I’m afraid to have to tell you this, but your appreciation of my ass is not subtle.”

“Okay fair, but, uh… that’s just, you know, aesthetic appreciation and this is, um…”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” Steve says gently. “You want to me stay until it goes down? I can tell you some bad jokes, if it helps? Sam told me some doozies the other day.”

Tony doesn’t reply. Steve moves again, only to find that the tell-tale length feels rather more solid than it was five seconds ago.

“Wait, really?” Steve says in disbelief.

“It’s sexy, okay!” Tony hisses. “When you’re sweet and thoughtful it’s really sexy! If you want to help, you need to not do anything or say anything.”

“All right. Oh.” Steve shuts his mouth and keeps it shut. At least, he tries to keep it shut and be quiet, but he’s compelled to say out loud, “Sexy? Really?”

“You know what does not help? You saying that word.”

“Sexy? Or sex?”

“Steve!” Tony digs his fingers into Steve’s sides, making him half-yelp half-laugh. “Come on, you’ve been really mean to me today!”

“All right, sorry.” Steve releases a slow, calming exhale. “I’m sorry, I’ll be nice.” Then, because he can’t help himself from grabbing a once-in-a-blue-moon chance, “Just like how your thighs are nice.”

“Steve!” Tony exclaims. “Uh. Really?”

“Very solid.” Steve nods. “Comfy.”

“Oh. Thanks. I mean, I try not to miss leg day.”

“Excellent results.”

“Cool. Very cool. Yep. Okay, you can get off—I mean, you can…” Tony groans, which is Steve’s cue to slide off of Tony’s lap entirely and parkhis butt on the significantly less-warm and less-comfy slats of the deck chair.

Tony swings his legs over to one side and plants his feet on the ground, so that they’re effectively sitting by side. Tony doesn’t cross his legs, but Steve can see that he wants to.

They sit like that for a handful of weighty seconds, while the smell of the grill wafts over. Someone might even have yelled that the food is ready, not that Steve’s been paying attention.

Steve clears his throat. “You feeling better?”

“Yep,” Tony says. “Much. Thanks. But I think I’ll stay here for a while.”

“You want me to get a plate for you?”

“You would?” Tony definitely aborts crossing his legs just then, which is all sorts of flattering. “Yeah, that’d be nice, thanks.”

Steve stands up. He could go and will go, but Tony’s starting to look miserable, which just won’t do. “Okay,” Steve says, firmly but kindly, “Iam sorry that I made you uncomfortable—”

“Geez, Steve,” Tony sighs.

“—but would it make you feel better if I had one, too?”

“I don’t…” Tony trails off, his eyes widening. He slowly looks up at Steve. “You do?”

“Not right now, but I could.” This is 100% the wrong place for this, but isn’t it just like Steve’s life to dangle opportunities at the most inopportune moment. “For you. If it’d make you feel better.” Steve wills meaning into the words, and doubly wills Tony to understand.

“I… think it would,” Tony says slowly. “But not right now. Like you said.”

“Later?” Steve says, just to be sure.

Tony nods. “Later. Okay. Yeah.”

Steve smiles, and feels a leap in his chest when Tony responds with a dazed smile of his own.

“Good,” Steve says softly, and bounds off to get some lunch for both of them.

Though Steve’s enhanced hearing means that he still catches Tony’s under-the-breath, “What just happened?”