#but neither my feelings nor my actions can be defined as love

[infiniteorangethethird]

the loveless tag has too much negativity in it for my taste so reply to this with the things you enjoy abt being loveless!

mine is the ability to define my emotions and actions however I damn please and not having to confine myself to the labels and tiny boxes society has created just to make other ppl feel more comfortable around me

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Character Development

Rick Riordan's Writing Tips

Rick Riordan:

Character development is paramount for me. I firmly believe that plot and character development must occur simultaneously. Plot cannot be left to chance. Neither can characters be automatons who carry out actions envisioned in the author's master plan. Below are some things I try to keep in mind when developing my characters:

RICK RIORDAN'S TOP 5 TIPS ON CHARACTER

Define a character first through action, second through dialog and description, never through explanation.

A character should be primarily defined by the choices he makes, and the actions he takes.

How does he respond to violence?

How does he respond to love?

Secondly, a character must be vividly but deftly describe through his speech, and through the initial view you give the reader.

Never stop to explain who a character is when we can watch him in action and decide for ourselves.

Be impressionist rather than realistic.

Describe characters as Dickens did – with a single deft stroke.

A laundry list of physical traits is realistic, but it is neither memorable nor compelling.

A jarring metaphor for the character, or a focus on one mannerism or physical trait, can be very compelling.

Example: She was a human tornado.

Do not be afraid to use real people as models, but do not be constricted by your models.

It is very natural to use parts of ourselves or the people we know when creating characters.

Do not be afraid to do this because someone might get mad at you.

At the same time, let your character develop.

Do not force them to do what the real-life model would do.

Characters seldom end up exactly like the real people they are based on.

The reader does not have to be told everything you know about the character.

It may be critically important to you that your character has blue eyes, or went to Texas A&M.

But if these details have no part in the story, the reader will not care.

Leave them in your subconscious.

If you are having trouble figuring out a character, fill out a character profile, or do some journaling in that character's voice.

Your character must act, not simply be acted upon.

We care about characters because we are interested in the choices they make.

We want to boo the villain, cheer the hero, and cry with frustration when the tragic figure makes the wrong move.

A character who does not act, but simply receives information and is acted upon by outside forces, is not a character who will compel the reader.

Remember, plot is what the characters do next.

If the characters do not create the plot, the plot is hollow.

Here's a character profile worksheet I sometimes fill out if I'm having trouble understanding a particular character I've created:

Character Profile

Name:

Height:

Age in story:

Birthplace:

Hair color, length, style:

Race/nationality:

Regional influences:

Accent: (include voice, style of speech, slang, signature phrases or words)

Religion:

Marital status:

Scars or other notable physical attributes:

Handicaps: (emotional, physical, mental)

Athletic? Inactive? Overall health?

Style of dress:

Favorite colors:

How does the character feel about his/her appearance?

Brothers/sisters:

Relationship with parents:

Memories about childhood:

Educational background: (street smart? Formal? Does he/she read?)

Work experience:

Occupation:

Where does the character live now? Describe home (emotional atmosphere as well as physical)

Neat or messy?

Sexual preferences/morals/activities:

Women friends/men friends:

Pets?

Enemies? Why?

Basic nature:

Personality traits (shy, outgoing, domineering, doormat, honest, kind, sense of humor):

Strongest trait:

Weakest trait:

What does the character fear?

What is the character proud of?

What is the character ashamed of?

Outlook on life (optimistic, pessimistic, cynic, idealist)

Ambitions:

Politics:

How does the character see himself/herself?

How is the character seen by others?

Do you like this person? Why or why not?

Will readers like or dislike?

Most important thing to know about this character:

Present problem:

How it will get worse:

What is the character's goal in the story?

What traits will help/hurt the character in achieving this goal?

What makes the character different from similar characters?

Why will readers remember this character vividly?

Source ⚜ Writing Notes & References

[4dkellysworld]

hii how is your "journey " going? i would like the hear about your practice

Hey, I think it's going great! I feel really quite pleased with the present moment. Hmm in terms of practice, I prefer to see it as a way of being/living rather than practice as practice often comes with the view of being the doer practicing and often there's expectations of outcomes/results attached to it (although I had to start these off viewing it as a practice first until it became natural).

These are some of the things I do my best to practice/embody every moment of every day (not everything all at once but based on what feels right for each moment but overall they're things that I practice):

Being present and aware in the here and now without identifying as the doer

During moments where resistance/negativity/limitation come up and it can be a lot, I just allow myself to be still and let everything be. Then I do some sort of variant of this "exercise" I described in the second half of the response based on what feels right and appropriate in the moment

Always being aware of my state of being/consciousness and making it a priority to "manage" it (which includes 1. investigating and dropping any thoughts of limitation, lack or negativity that come up from daily life and recognizing that it is not me 2. choosing to see/feel/know what I prefer to see/feel/know myself, others and the world regardless of appearances and not allowing myself to feel limited to what is perceived by the senses including my own thoughts and perceptions of 'the past'. So for me, my preference is seeing these in everything: freedom, harmony, peace, love, kindness, abundance, wholeness, fulfillment. All that good stuff. I've dropped most attachments/desires of wanting those feelings to be fulfilled externally through symbols and I enjoy just being in the state of being with those essences)

Being patient, accepting, understanding, compassionate, non-judgmental and loving of myself as well as others (which includes seeing "others" as just different forms of myself). This also means allowing everything to be as it is in the world with acceptance and without caring to change it or feeling bothered by it. If I feel bothered by something, I recognize that it's a reflection of my own consciousness and if it feels right, I'll do what I mentioned in the above point to drop whatever underlying thoughts of limitation there are. Then I continue to see what I prefer without feeling the need to physically do anything about it. If I feel spontaneously inspired to do something, I'll take action though

Challenging myself to do things that I feel resistant, averse, fearful and/or limited in order to "break out of the matrix" (which is just the mind's own limiting programming lol). E.g. feel afraid of offending/hurting someone just by speaking up so you don't want to speak your truth even though you really do want to? Do it anyway cos unless you do something about those limiting beliefs/programs, they'll keep directing your life until you do - you get to decide when that stops. Recognize you can still act with love and speak your truth with tact.

Not labelling/defining/judging anything including my own thoughts, feelings as well as how things are or how things happen. If I do, I catch myself then let go of the labels/definitions/judgments.

Choosing to be free from expectations and focusing on being present and enjoying it

Minimizing my consumption of information and being discerning & mindful of what I do. Neither believing nor disbelieving anything I read or hear (including my own thoughts that pop up!), recognizing it's all subjective and I can choose to change my mind about anything whenever I want.

Trusting my Self above all and "doing" what feels right for each moment by allowing Self to lead the way

Things that naturally happened so far as a result of practicing (I won't talk about any manifestations but more the inner changes):

Peace! Lightness of being. It's amazing. The more you drop, the lighter and more spacious you feel. Just keep dropping everything :D

Acceptance, connection and love for my Self. When I started, there was a lot of judging myself and comparing myself to other people's experiences and progress (it's just all ego trying its best to do what it thinks is right) but now I'm just allowing and loving my own experience and presence, happy to just be and trusting that all is well. I don't see anyone as better than the other, ultimately we are all One.

My capacity to give, feel, be and accept love. It feels like several lifetimes ago now when I think back to the time before I started, I don't even identify with that person anymore but she used to feel a lot of lack when it came to love and seeing love in the world used to trigger her a lot, especially with jealousy but now I love seeing love in the world, like yes this is the world I prefer, where everyone is loving and kind to each other.

No longer feeling like I need to fit into other people's experiences on this path in order to feel validated as having 'progressed' enough. No longer feeling inferior (or superior!) to others. Being patient with myself (and others!) and accepting everything is perfect as it is, everyone's 'journey' is going to look a bit different and there's no one-size-fits-all in terms of approach or experiences.

Being "kind" and more selfless - old pre-ND Kelly was a bit of a people pleaser and liked to do kind things to be perceived as kind and nice but now I just do things just because and then when people say 'oh that's so kind of you!' I'm like oh really? Never thought that, all I did was consider things from their shoes and wanted them to benefit too. I guess being seen as 'kind' naturally happens when you see everyone as yourself, you want everyone to be well and happy (I guess also cos I stopped labelling and defining things in general)

Greater imperturbability and stillness within - there are things that would have really bothered past Kelly that genuinely now don't affect me mentally/emotionally in any way and when I recognize that, there's a bit of a 'hey that's cool'. That's real freedom and peace, to not be affected by externals and being able to remain centred in your own beingness.

I'm more 'forgiving' and I can let go of things a lot quicker and a lot more easily (in comparison to the past) even with things that can feel quite difficult

A naturally quiet and still mind!! I used to not like meditation but now it's the greatest thing.

Less and less thoughts and feelings of negativity, lack and limitation. More and more joy, love, gratitude, open spaciousness, peace and freedom.

Don't feel the desire or need to argue with other people, I don't need to prove myself in any way, they can think what they want.

I don't know if it's a downside (lol) but many of the things that past Kelly enjoyed for entertainment are no longer enjoyable to me. E.g. like reading about celebs, watching shows that don't have any deep messages or spirituality in them, even like tarot readings used to be for fun and nothing serious but they're not even fun anymore. Oh well lol

It's easier to observe things more objectively when thoughts come up and recognize them as limitations rather than spiral into a loop and get caught up in identifying with the narrative or thought train

It's possible I missed some things but that's all I can think of atm. I didn't focus on results and then reverse engineer what sort of practices I needed to have in order to get there, it was more picking what felt right for me then just doing them from the heart with sincerity and then changes happened on their own. I guess it's like when someone starts eating healthier and exercises out of enjoyment rather than focused on weight loss, they may eventually find they suddenly have a slimmer and healthier body, it was kinda like that when you enjoy the present moment. Like one day I just found the changes had happened and it feels like it's a daily thing where in a way, every moment of every day "you" (the concept/identity/ego, not the true changeless you) are dying and being reborn with every choice you make, every thought you choose to accept or let go of - it's all in the mind. Every moment is a new moment and you don't have to be limited to what you perceive as 'the past'.

But ultimately, I don't think of taking credit for any changes that happened to me. I feel like it was initiated by sincerity but the changes happened on their own because I got ego out of the way (through those practices) and allowed Self to shine through. (This is a realization I just had now while writing all this so thank you for asking! I don't really reflect much on my 'progress' so this has been nice lol)

[leconcombrerit]

A warm hug to Non, or when are we going to stop demanding perfection from victims

It's been forever since I thought about making this post but I've finally decided to write the goddamn thing.

Three disclaimers : one, I haven't yet managed to get past the first third of episode 9, so this whole thing is based on episodes 1-8 at best. Two, I'll block on sight again if I see victim blaming on this post. Finally, I'm by no means an expert on the subject. It's complex, I might get things wrong and I'll have to oversimplify at times for clarity and brevity's sake, please don't kill me for it. It's probably gonna be long enough as it is. I've tried my best to organize my thoughts in a way that would make sense, but. Well. I hope it does.

Trigger warning for mention of suicide, bullying, grooming, sexual assault, rape

Non started as the poor little baby everyone wanted to protect -both the audience and Jin ; for all the shit he got after filming Non and Keng, there are a lot of parallels to draw between him and the audience. Then the dreaded episode 7 happened and all hell broke loose. I won't include screenshots of the disgusting things I read from some viewers about Non, but Jin's reaction is pretty telling already.

The easy explanation would be that he's mad Non isn't returning his feelings, but I think it has more to do with Non not fitting his 'good victim' role anymore. There's sadness on his face, but the dominants are anger and betrayal. Non tries to regain agency and gets crucified for it.

So what's a good victim ?

Non, basically

If you want an examplary blueprint of what society defines as a good victim and survivor, someone worth justice, defending and loving, just take a look at Non. I broke it down in four marks that need to be checked :

-Innocence : none of the person's action prompted the abuse -Moral high ground : the person has values and displays kindness -Helplessness : the person cannot do anything about the situation they're stuck in -Accepting to be saved : self-explanatory. The person has to accept the help that's offered to them, traditionally by a love interest

Non is abused for being poor, something he's not responsible for. He's hardworking, honest, passionate about the things he loves and commits to his engagements. He's kind when talking with Jin. He's resilient in the face of the gang's bullying. None of what he could do or say would make it stop, neither can he help owing Por for a camera he hasn't broken nor get out of Tee's pyramid scheme. His mental illness only increases this impression of vulnerability. Jin doesn't have all these elements, but he's got more than enough to paint a very similar picture of Non as the audience.

As for accepting help, Jin repeatedly offers some -and Non finally lets him in during their conversation on the rooftop. What Jin offers may be little but it's still help ; Non smiles and even gives Jin a shove -what I think is the only time he initiates contact with Jin at all.

"Thank you so much, Jin, for helping me all along." "It's alright, I'm glad to. I just want to see you smile again, Non."

The audience gets even more of Non being happy and grateful to be saved : he calls his "♥" contact for help multiple times, smiles at the reminder to take his meds and, later on, clings to Phee for dear life after trying to kill himself. He doesn't fight him, he doesn't reach for the scattered pills. Hell, even accepting Tee's offer to make money could count as Non agreeing to be saved by everyone around him.

Non checks all the marks. Everyone in the audience is rooting for him, the other boys can all go get impaled on a branch, and Jin looks at him like he hung and lit all the stars in the sky.

Speaking of the other boys...

Tee and Por victims as well but don't get the same amount of sympathy, if any. Tee isn't responsible for being stuck in a criminal environment and can't get out of it ; no one has offered help, so he gets a pass. But he's been shown to be selfish, opportunist, often cowardly and sometimes gratuitously cruel.

As for Por, it's even worse : every actions he takes seems to confirm his dad's opinion of him. The only mark he ticks is accepting to be saved by his mother, which looks very bad taken on its own. I made a post about Por not too long ago if you want more.

The only way for them to redeem themselves and go from 'horrible people who should die' to 'maybe they don't suck they're my poor little meow meows' is penitence. Take Por ; he's the archetype of the rich son who gets abused by his dad and suffers from having so much money. Just like Kang in Dangerous Romance, or Tanthai in Laws of Attraction. Tee ? I don't have names from the top of my head, but he's that hardened jaded guy stuck in a mafiosi network who has to learn to love and be loved again (enters White). Yet the audience learnt to root for these characters.

Basically, nothing is set in stone. Your status as a good or bad victim can shift depending on your actions and the way they're framed. The usual narrative is to get those characters to grow into the acceptable victim pattern. DFF however is going for reverse development (Non, Jin) or stagnation (Por, Tee, Fluke). It makes for gritty yet very realistic storylines ; and while I'm the first to yell that the masked figures should get their ass stat, I also recognize that there's much more complexity to them than this. Except Top. I have yet to come up with a good explanation for what they're doing with Top, but I will at some point.

How did Non fall from grace if he's such a good example ?

Three points : Phee, the paradox of the demand for Non to seek agency but not too much, and his inacceptable betrayal.

Phee as a magnifying factor

I love this kid to bits but Phee's appearance in the flashbacks concurs with Non's flawless image being torn to shreds for a reason. He's a good, strong and caring person who loves and tries to protect Non -something the audience has wanted to do for weeks ; so we all gathered behind Phee and made him our emissary, carrying out the impossible task outsiders to the series' world couldn't : saving Non.

Since Phee voices the questions and concerns of the audience, we are Phee to an extent. Betraying Phee means betraying the hope and love and care the audience has for Non. Phee is the series' moral compass by that point. I'm sure you see where I'm going with this. If not, consider it's a surprise tool that will help us later. When Phee gets hurt by Non or decides he'd be better off lost and dead.

For the record, in this poll Phee gets even fewer votes than White

Seek agency, but not too much

Discontent starts to rise with the helplessness point first as viewers start to question why Non doesn't ditch the group. Why he's putting himself through such trouble. Non changes from being subjected to others' action to being the subject in a grammatical sense. Yet Non has hiw own reasons to stay (how much does the movie mean to him ? How many hours and sleepless nights on the script ? How long would it take for him to find another chance to get enough funding ? How big of a dream is it for him ?). It's the first occurence of the audience claiming to know best what's good for Non.

Complaints quiet down when Non does try to leave for good only to be stopped by Jin. We saw him try, we saw him fail, he really couldn't leave so he's off the hook.

Jin also makes sure Non remains a perfect victim by bringing him back into the group. I'm not accusing Jin of trying to make Non suffer on purpose ; he's a good guy at heart, come fight me to death on this hill. But the only way for him to exist in Non's life is to remain a savior of sorts. If Non leaves, there's nothing to save him from. Which brings us to my next point.

Non must try to solve things by himself, sure. But not too much. Because when you thrash to regain control of your life, you might break a few things in the process. Especially if you have to wrest it away from well-intentioned but firm hands.

He rejected Jin's offers to help numerous times. He looked anything but thrilled when Phee put himself in danger to clear his name. He refused to change schools at first, only to begrudgingly agree when Phee insisted. This insistence is the heart of the matter : Phee is sure he knows best, so he bulldozes through Non's objections and hesitation : he doesn't consult him before asking his dad for help, he speaks in his place when Non doesn't answer his proposal, he puts the bracelet on his wrist. He asks him if he's taken his meds, just in case.

Phee has the audience's benediction in doing so. Part of it stems from our knowledge of future events : we know it's going to end bad for Non. We know he has to get the fuck out. We know whatever decision he makes will be a bad one. Kids and teenagers as a whole are often deemed unable, or not mature enough to make informed decisions anyway. Just look at Non's mother telling him to prioritize his studies so he can go abroad like his brother. Multiply it tenfold for people with mental illnesses ; they get babied on a daily basis. So Non cannot, I can't emphasize it enough, cannot do anything.

All of the above end with Phee getting his way. Non can't win against him, so he chooses to lie instead.

Aside from willing to be in charge of his own life, Non's refusal to let Phee help is also rooted in love and fear. While Phee would offer him an easy way out as he did for the bank accounts, it would most likely only be easy for Non and put Phee in danger. Both their survivals are held in that curt 'no'.

He's already straight up refused help, and now he loses the moral highground by lying (to his perfect holy savior Phee of all people). From here on out, any action he takes will be his -which is what Non wanted ; it's his life, and he won't be a bystander in it. But it also means that he jumped off the pedestal he'd been put on to land on thin ice.

And guess what, Non is a multi-dimentional character in a difficult situation who weighs more than a poor little damsel in distress. Of course said ice cracks. And the Non hate train gets started.

The betrayal

Lying and refusing help to go get it from the worst place he could have had was bad enough. But sleeping with his teacher while he had a boyfriend (Phee, for heaven's sake) ? Unforgivable. Cheating is the BL equivalent of every cardinal sin, the worst of the worst, and no matter the circumstances you'll get roasted for it.

And yet there are circumstances. One, especially, and it's called motherfucking grooming. I won't elaborate on this point cause I've done it over and over already, but Non was groomed by an adult. Does he see things that way ? Probably not. In his mind he's in control of the situation. He can lie to Phee about it because there's no reason for it to backfire. He does what he has to if he wants to save himself, using he one weapon he has : his body. It's cheating, but cheating in a game rigged for you to lose.

Society has two opinions about sex. It's either holy or gross. Take Jin, for instance.

See the look on his face. He's heartbroken, he's sad, he'll live through it. Witnessing Non having sex with his teacher when he has a boyfriend ? Now that's another story. That's a betrayal.

A betrayal of what, exactly ?

Of this goddamn image Jin had painted of Non. The same the audience was given to see prior to these events : Non was perfect and loveable and worth defending, an innocent, pure, helpless baby in need of saving. So when the illusion shatters in what society and especially BL culture hold as the worst action possible, people feel fooled. Stupid, if you will. And they turn their hatred to Non. Non lied to us ! He pretended to be good, dear god, to think I loved such filth ! My heart is so dirty now, ew.

But Non didn't lie. He lied to Phee, but that's it. Everything else was expectations and assumptions. Fail to meet them and suddenly everything is your fault. It's Non's fault for refusing to be dragged along in his own life anymore, Non's fault for lying in order to get some control, Non's fault for lying again not to lose Phee when caught by surprise, Non's fault for listening to Jin, Non's fault for resorting to use his only weapon to get out of a situation he was cornered in, Non's fault for being tricked into thinking any of the decisions he made regarding Keng were his own, Non's fault for everything.

He wanted to claim his life back and made a mistake, yes. He doubled-down on it when he realized it was too much for him to handle. He clung to it and did his best to keep it together. He dared not to be the perfect victim he was supposed to be ; to try when everyone knew he was bound to fail. And you know what, sometimes there's stuff that's someone's fault, consequences they didn't foresee, things they said, slips and falls, and they're still victims, just as much as they were before.

I believe that dealing with his debt himself is as important to Non as finishing the movie is. He's ready to be used and abused (by Keng in the former, the group for the latter) and to break his own heart, values, pride and sanity. He's the most resilient and dedicated character in the show to me.

But the world doesn't necessarily see it that way. So when Non realizes the mess he's made of everything, he fights Keng (who represents his desperate and violent search for complete independence) to reach for the bracelet he got from Phee. He wants help. He needs it. But he's not a victim anymore and any help is denied.

Both Phee and Jin later manage to reconcile their broken image of Non with the man he actually is. Too late to save him, but they still did. I have a hunch that things would have been different if Phee had beat up Keng and taken a crying Non in his arms, holding him tight while whispering none of it was his fault. But our moral compass fucked up, like the hurt kid he is.

What some people did by blaming and hating on Non is closer to the hateful comments he got on the video than Phee or Jin's reactions. They're far worse.

That's the big takeout. What if we stopped stigmatizing or idealizing sex ? What if we stopped demanding perfection and so-called purity for someone's trauma and status as a human being not to be negated ?

Anyway, here's a hug to Non and every victim who live in the paralyzing fear of a single slip. You can make mistakes just like the rest of us. You don't owe anyone perfection.

I'll end this rant on a bright, happy smile. I don't see a good ending for Non, but god knows he'd deserve it.

[jotadoul]

so i'm thinking about how allen schezar is consistently passive and constantly late to everything and takes every L on earth without knowing why. he's like a dog running headlong into a wall and not knowing why it keeps banging its head. it's artful. he does exactly what his dad does And what his dad says he regrets doing lol. he tells him straight to his face and then allen repeats him almost word for word later. he gets so confused and dejected and spaced out when he sees hitomi and van working in perfect synchrony, rendering him the biggest third wheel of all time.

this is the kind of hubristic shit-eating bimbo i can mostly only find in live action media! mind you, i know i'm using a lot of rude words here, but my feelings are very very positive! it's really good writing! his drama is compelling! my one wish is that folken got even a fraction of the screentime given to allen, i think it's a little excessive, but as a character i think he's great.

i was thinking about this anyway and reflecting on how i felt as a kid, and then i saw someone say that when they were younger, they didn't clock how "creepy" his behaviour is + the actions btwn him and hitomi or millerna are, and that's fair because, like, they are. and while as a kid it had me at times exasperated, i really do think that discomfort is purposeful. like however you feel about it, it's not a failure of writing but a success of it.

compare this to everything else... by showing how naturally and mutually van and hitomi's relationship unfolds, where they trust each other from the jump so easily that they don't even think about it, and van being so earnest and guileless, and every time hitomi voices being upset with him, his behaviour changes. he apologises. versus how shallow and posturing allen is (folken: this guy is a clay doll and i'm fixing to haunt him) and how he realises "hmmmmmmmmm............................................. oh yeah, maybe i don't like her actually i think i'm just kind of extremely fucked up," and knowing that the series is breaking conventions on purpose, i also think this is on purpose.

they're saying, hey, you're not wrong for feeling how you do. it makes sense you feel that way. and, also, allen is the guy you Think you want, but he's not Good/Healthy for you. he's the Beautiful Chivalrous Guy who actually is very selfish and spends no time on forethought. he's just as obsessed as proving himself through battle as van, but... well i was going to say that his idea of conquest/achieving stability is done thru securing himself socially, but then i also remembered he's a cop forever. which is like, so true. yes. meanwhile van, although he's a king, is half responsible for disrupting the whole system. the fabric of reality. does he stay a king? we don't know, right? lmfao so coooool. AGAIN I HAVE TO STRESS: i think allen is a MIRACLE of a character. bizarrely rare. so subtly done, but not that subtle either. this is a story told very much in contrasts and comparisons, that's why there's so many foils, no? anyway i love that he's here.

but they have no reason to flat-out Tell this stuff to the younger girls/women watching it like some kind of lecture. while the show is an analogue, it's not a stand-in for parents. to do so would be unkind-- because with any part of the narrative, the goal doesn't seem to be to talk down to their audience. it would also stand in stark contrast to everything about the show that's purely implicit. and that's a LOT of things! there are so many subtleties or unspoken truths with visible, definable effects.

what they can do instead, though, is show that neither hitomi NOR millerna is ultimately dead-set on allen. also, folken is 25, right? gaddes is 27, and dryden and allen are both 21? so we have some good comparisons for what other adult men are like lol. i think i said it before, but with hitomi and van, they're so used to being in the position of chasing what they want that they don't realise what they want is to be comfortable and trusting with another person. this they also don't flat out tell us, but it's plainly obvious; think of their conversation in the woods after they leave asturia.

van is aware (perhaps subconsciously) of his feelings first, maybe, but he has no reason to trust his feelings, and no reason to think hitomi will return them. but iirc... lol, is it after allen is like "yeah i asked her to marry me lol" and van is like "ok.jpg" where the next immediate thing is van being EXTREMELY POTENTLY HARDCORE RAW SEXUALLY UNHINGED WHEN HE SHOWS HER THAT HE WILL FIGHT AND KILL FOR HER IN BATTLE LOOOOL? or was that another time. well, the point stands.

anyway. both allen and van have seen what forcible, unexplainable separation from their children does to a parent. but allen says he wants to keep her on gaea, while van promises her From The Beginning that he'll find a way to bring her home. he never wavers in that promise. and he accomplishes it. they both do, together. none of us want it, i know, but he does do exactly what he said he'd do from the jump. and all they have to do is think of each other... right? and they can't not... right? right??? and we can also trust that fanelia, if not the rest of gaea, will undergo serious reform. folken and van both come to understand that their traditions yield only painful results.

with a series operating on multiple different levels, i think i can trust them that the discomfort they allow us to feel is intentional. the kiss between allen and hitomi is uncomfortable and we know that because it's being artificially engineered, chain.mp3 (one of the best moody songs tbh) is spooky, allen is given uncannily human movements lol, hitomi isn't overjoyed before during or after, in fact i'd say going forward she's much more uncomfortable/confused about him in general? and then van sees it and he doesn't get angry, he doesn't say anything, he's just crushed. they're telling us how to feel without telling us. it's awesome.

it makes sense this would miss us at a younger age, and it makes sense that it would hit you with new feelings on rewatch. with how grand and painful and beautiful a series/story it is, and going by the rest of their oeuvre, i'd be disappointed if it were anything else. i think it's pretty special the way this series reveals more of itself to you per different life stages.

[sharpth1ng]

I need to blow up Mr. Hank Loomis so bad. I'm ripping him to shreds with my mind. I don't like when people say Maureen is the reason Scream happened because it's HANK'S fault. fuck that guy

Yeah honestly the Maureen blaming feels like some unexamined misogyny. They were both cheating. Maureen is the only one that dies because of it.

Also like. Neither Maureen nor Hank is the reason scream happened. It’s either Billy and Stu or Roman depending on how you see it. No one forced them to do that. They chose to react to Hank and Maureen’s infidelity with murder. “My girlfriends mommy is a homewrecker” is not a defence that’s going to hold up in court.

Beyond that Maureen’s only crime is cheating, and in both fanon and canon Billy is also guilty of that (it’s either Stu or Christina). Like if you’re going to hate Maureen for cheating then it feels a bit hypocritical not to hate Billy for the same.

Idk from what we know I think I would have liked Maureen more than Hank as well. Sid seems to have had a positive relationship with her but Billy seems to want nothing to do with Hank.

Maureen was also a scream queen when she was younger like, that’s rad? The titles we get for the movies she was in make them sound like some pretty wild B-movies: Amazombies, Space Psychos and Creatures from the San Andreas Fall. These sound like movies Stu would LOVE.

I also just have some sympathy for Maureen with her past, so much of her backstory is defined by brutal sexual coercion and assault from the time she was 18. Cheating is obviously not good, but also like, she got together with Neil at the age of 21. Prior to that it seems like her experiences were mostly not consensual.

It was the early 70s, I can’t imagine that she felt like she had a lot of choices. The idea that she would have consensual affairs later in life is unfortunate but also not surprising. I think a lot of people who get married young can end up having this realization later in life that they want to experience things they haven’t, and those are the kinds of things you can regret on your deathbed.

As far as we know she’s a stay at home mom, she has no ability to support herself without Neil. From her perspective the options were probably: get a divorce, split up her family, make herself financially destitute, and have a chance to experience the things that were robbed from her when she was younger, OR stay with Neil and die eventually wondering what she missed out on, OR have an affair and hopefully keep her family together.

So yeah. Cheating? Not good, not excusable. But also relatively understandable in my opinion.

And yeah in terms of Hank we don’t know the most about him from canon, but we know how Billy reacts to him, and we know how Billy and Nancy both are: they’re sexist slut-shamers. Like, Nancy blaming Sid for what Billy did? You can hate Sidney but come on, you can’t argue that his actions were actually justified. All of this tells me that Hank’s views are probably in line with Nancy and Billy’s. Billy had to learn it somewhere right? Misogyny isn’t genetic.

So yeah that’s my monologue. Tldr: hate Maureen if you want, that’s fine, but blaming the Scream murders on her doesn’t make much sense. If you need a villain Hank is right there, and either way the real villains are Billy and Stu.

You can still like them even if they suck, I promise, they’re fictional characters. You don’t need to shift the blame for their actions onto other characters to justify liking them.

[voidsuites]

okay, vent post here so buckle up. sorry if it’s too serious for this blog, but i needed to show it.

as a Ukrainian, i left my country when i was barely 11 and went to south america because the war started. i wasn’t old enough to understand the outcomes that could possibly lead to the war in actuality. we needed to leave for our own safety. we needed to leave because either way we were gonna die there eventually; most russians didn’t (don’t) care about our race, our opinions, our culture, our politics, our freedom. it’s been going for centuries, not years, so we and israel have something in common. to know how does it feel to be oppressed.

my mom used to say that everything will be okay, but with every day you DO lose hope when something like today happens — it’s been going on like this for us for decades; but i know i could not understand how does it feel to be in the minority in u.s.a and be seen like an existing, walking crime.

regardless, i do, i REALLY do, hope that this generation won’t let hatred take over themselves as it did with mine. i know being angry and a hater feels like the right decision —hell, i am being angry and hating on my ““brother”” county because they’re killing us— like something you’ve been building up for years and can finally let go on people —white, in my case— who ‘deserve’ this, but please, don’t let it get into your head. no one will feel safe if we’re gonna start hating each other. minorities, black, hispanic, white, NO ONE.

i feel for you americans. i’m not sure how everything will go from now on, but i am one hundred percent sure that it depends on us. don’t let the government and the ‘high grounds’ let your hopes down, because it won’t happen if people keep fighting. does su*cide looks tempting right now? very; it was always like that since COVID started (for me, personally). does it mean we should act on it, if OUR opinion and OUR actions can define how the country will keep running? no, absolutely not. i’m not telling to people who want to kill themselves to stop it —i am no professional by any means; it’s not my right to tell you what to do with your life— but if you CAN make change, why don’t you?

i love you all. i’m very happy that we met each other over tumblr, guys. everything will be okay

i love you too.

but my mere existence has become political. it has been political since i was born. i am a black, mexican, queer woman who lives in a blue state— but regardless of that, my existence has been political long before i even realized it. people who have no idea what i’ve been through and what life i’ve lived think it’s necessary to regulate my own body because they think i’m not capable of doing so. they think because i am non-white that i am not worthy of respect or equal treatment under the law. they think because of who i love that i am less-than-human.

i don’t have the luxury to not dislike someone who has voted for him. when they voted for him, they voted against ME— against everything i am, the fabric of my being, everything that makes me me. i wish i could say didn’t hate anyone who voted for that fucking felon, but i do. it’s the truth. they voted against basic human decency and fundamental human rights because neither of those were enough to overpower their selfish self-interest. i don’t wish to associate with anyone who voted for him, nor do i like them. they’ve clearly voiced that they’re okay with ignoring hate-based ideologies if it means they might “benefit” (they won’t)

he intends to strip away every little thing we can even do in terms of voicing our opinions— he’s been saying from the get go that this would be the last election EVER that we’d have to vote in— is that + the countless false bomb threats + russian interference + in-state interference with mail-in voting/ballot counting not proof enough that they don’t want to even consider what the people want anymore? and i’m not saying that this is reason to give up, but they intend to strip everyone of their autonomy in one way or another, and they will if we allow them to. and we’ve just given them the keys to fucking do it.

i just need to rant and be angry and be upset and be disappointed in the way we’ve let each other down here? because at the end of the day, people voted for that felon because they thought he was the better candidate. and that is appalling.

[watchingyoufromthestars]

Okay, time for my mixed feelings on Scam Likely and how nobody can escape the repetitive cycle of being an imperfect father. I’ll try to be objective as I break down the scene in Goofs Realm, but I’m in my Scam hater era.

THIS IS LONG, SORRYYYYYY

No father will be perfect in fiction or reality, and it’s a running theme of the show. The mistakes of your past define the present and the families have been constantly doomed to repeat them, but in new, fresh, fucked up ways. There are varying levels of mistakes all of them have made in the story, especially compared to Willy, but he’s his own special case.

Scam’s sin is ignorance. To the world around him and individuals’ feelings. Consistently he is shown to not realize outside of his Goofs that they can heavily affect other people in ways they do not like. That actions have consequences. His entire relationship with Jodie was a joke to him, while Jodie was left without his romantic partner a second time and was scammed out of a son (and in more ways than one since Hermie was spawned as a teenager instead of a baby). It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt, and now that someone is his son and he’s dead.

“He tries to hide the fact that he is actually emotionally affect by this, but he only got a 6, so you can see that he is genuinely upset.”

In his own way, Hermie does matter to him. I think Scam is a very hard being to compare to the rest of the cast because of his Goofs realm nature. He has an entirely different set of morals and ground rules of existence. For christ sake you die forever into nothingness in Goofs Realm if you stop being funny. But now Scam is confronted with a harsh truth and he can’t deny an emotional mode outside of Silly and Laughter.

“I didn’t even think of him as something that could die. He was just a goof. Goofs never die. It’s like- all jokes are always funny forever.”

We truly see Scam’s mindset here. Be it as a Goofs native or just who he is individually, he only thinks of The Big Joke of it all. Hermie was not an individual with feelings to be loved and raised (not that he even raised him at all), Hermie was just a joke to him. And it wasn’t even in any personal way. Everything is a joke to him.

“Where is he? Is he in Hell? Is he in Heaven?”

“I don’t know! He doesn’t have a soul! He’s not like you or me. Well, not like you.

And here it’s cemented in just how irregular Hermie is. Neither him nor Scam have a soul. As much as we’ve visited dead characters on this podcast, there’s nowhere that Hermie can be reached. This incarnation of him is gone forever.

“Do you forgive me for whatever is about to happen? I’m truly going to try.”

Try as he might to make things right — in his own insane way of ‘farting and it’ll be so funny that he’ll come back’ — that’s not something that’s been allowed lately on this show. And what could he even do to make things right anyways? There’s no joke to be made when someone has passed, and no joke can bring them back.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t think it would happen like this. I didn’t think he would actually develop a personality; he was just supposed to be a Goof machine. Nobody was supposed to be sad if something happened to him.”

Again, Hermie’s existence was just a part of one big goof and scam for him. Meta and Story, Hermie is and was a joke. He was just supposed to be this silly little guy, but then as time marched on he developed into something of a person. Something a lot of us got attached to and something Normal held onto dearly. “Nobody was supposed to be sad if something happened to him”, but he became too much of a Person for that to stay true.

“I could make you another one.”

And then there’s this line. It kills me in a very specific way. Scam is just so disconnected from human nature that he doesn’t know fully realize the value an individual life holds. Yes, he could just make another Hermie, but that’s not the Hermie. To use the first metaphor that comes to mind, it’s like making a mastercopy. In a previous painting class, we studied a singular painting for one project and recreated it to the best of our abilities. As skilled as one can be in painting, you cannot truly recreate the original. There’s history imbued in the original, and it’s lived a lifetime before your own version was created. Even if you create a version indistinguishable from the original, it is still not the same.

All of this is to say that I cannot truly judge Scam, at least from a certain standpoint. I have very mixed feelings about him, but he’s a unique case of a character that’s very different than judging one of the human dads. Am I rambling here? Am I spouting nonsense? I don’t know, I’m still in distress over crying multiple times from this episode. I’m not proof reading this lol

[avidbeader]

I was allowed the chance to read a friend's ARC of her debut novel and finished it today. Here's my review and I heartily recommend it for those who like BL and/or pining idiots:

Cross the Line by Lucky Hart My rating: 5 of 5 stars (ARC Review) My favorite things to read tend to run to mystery, action, and suspense, whether in a modern, historical, or fantasy setting. Romance for the sake of romance is not my first choice in picking up a book. But the things my favorite fiction has across genres tend to come down to interesting and compelling characters. "Crossing the Line" has these characters in spades. They leap off the page, vibrant and alive, with a richness of details in their appearances and personalities that will have one nodding, yes, I feel like that or yes, I know someone like that. Having these characters paired with dialogue that flows naturally from one character to the other means that scenes are engaging and keep you in the story. There were plenty of times in the past week where I stayed up past my recommended bedtime to finish just one or two more chapters, or was thinking about where the story might go when I couldn't be reading. Theo and Alec, the main characters, are nicely rounded. They both have things they excel at. They have core personalities that don't waver much as the plot progresses. They have challenges and traumas, but these things neither define the characters nor act as maguffins, only appearing in order to move the plot or cause a conflict. And they are surrounded by other interesting characters in Alec's brothers and friends that enhance the story rather than distract. One of my two wants for this book is to have more women appear on the page rather than just talked about. I can see the attraction of writing the Kings as a boisterous family with four sons and they are all fun characters, but we only get a few glimpses of Mom and mentions of a beloved but deceased grandmother. Yes, Alec being on an NCAA soccer team means being surrounded by other guys, but to not have even one girl among the student population that became a friend feels unlikely. I hope future installments of the series will include a few women with the same kind of loving depth that is shown for the characters here. The plot hinges on feelings, attraction and desire crashing up against friendship and loyalty, and it's delightfully messy just like real life can be. The circumstances in which Alec and Theo keep meeting and then avoiding include decisions, both good and bad, coming from their personality traits and outside circumstances like horrible timing or being in the wrong place. It produces a good balance of emotional exploration with the occasional sitcom-level comedy bit that had me groaning of course that happened. As things move into dangerous waters for our heroes, they take responsibility for one another because they care about each other that much. Even if neither of them has quite figured it out yet, because they are complete pining idiots. My second want for this book, because the characters are so lively, was to have a little more in the denouement department. To read the conversations between a few different characters and the process of some decisions made instead of having them summarized in the epilogue. But that's a testament to how much the characters and story drew me in that I wanted more of them. I finished this book feeling satisfied and entertained. I will read it again. I want to read the next book in the author's planned series. I would recommend it to anyone who likes modern-day romances where you want to reach into the screen and knock the love interests' heads together so they figure it all out or stop keeping their feelings secret. If you're uncertain about smut, there's only three sequences where it's featured and even then the characters are mostly busy talking or feeling things. Take a chance on this one and see if it crosses the line into one of your favorites.

[givehimthemedicine]

gentle (elmax kiss ficlet)

El can use her powers to soothe Max's headaches. Max touches a sore spot with a joke about how easily El could kill her, and it's suddenly really important to El that Max thinks of her as gentle.

--

"Better?"

El watches Max look around the room, blinking, giving her time to get a feel of herself.

"Yeah."

She's pushed only gently, probably not enough to ease Max's headache all the way. She never tries to get it all at once. Instead she does a little bit, asks, does a little more, until it's gone.

"Numbers?"

"It was 6ish, and now it's like... 1."

"So, more."

"1's not bad," Max shrugs. "I can live with 1."

El rolls her eyes. This isn't about Max wanting her to save her powers for more important things. This isn't about her powers at all. Max would just rather stay in pain than ask for help.

She's funny like that. For El, Max will walk right up to anybody and demand anything. But for herself, she acts like she's not worth bothering anybody.

El loves Max. She wishes she would ask her for things, so she could see how happy she is to do them for her.

"I don't want you to hurt 1. I want you to hurt 0." She reaches out for her. "Come here."

For the first treatment, she had only put her hand on Max's head. This time, she pulls her closer, bringing their heads carefully together, her forehead coming to rest on Max's temple.

This has nothing to do with fixing her headache; she could do that from across the room, and she has many times without Max even knowing about it. But there is something about that El doesn't like. She prefers for Max to feel involved in it, to be close to her for it. It's nicer to pair it with touch and affection, especially when Max seems to feel undeserving.

El pushes again, even lighter than before, stopping as soon as she feels a hint of that hard-to-define little prickle in her head. It only takes a second, but she doesn't open her eyes right away, nor move to separate them.

"Better?" she asks, not removing her hand from Max's head, because she knows Max likes it. It's not to keep her there. It's to welcome her to stay.

Often, Max does stay leaning against her for a little while. Sometimes it's because she's tired. Sometimes because her eyes are wet and she wants to keep them hidden until they aren't anymore. Sometimes maybe just because it's nice. El likes it no matter what the reason is.

"Better. Thanks."

When they do part, Max's eyes find hers, and then drop lower on her face. She always checks.

"How come your nose doesn't always bleed?"

"I only pushed barely a little."

"Why? I mean, couldn't you just go real hard and then you'd only have to do it once?"

"Oh, no," El says, running her fingers protectively down Max's hair at the thought. "No. I would not do that."

"Why?" Max laughs. "Would it like, melt my brain or som-" Her smile goes away all at once. "Oh. Wait, would it?"

El does not want to say yes, so she doesn't.

It is the same action, really. Done with gentleness and precision, she can ease the parts that are hurting - well, sometimes, depending what is wrong. Done with force and disregard, she can crush and rupture and bring blood out. She does not like knowing that from experience.

Neither of them are bridging the gap in the conversation, and something goes flat inside El. She wishes their talk had not gone here, to either of them thinking about her hurting Max.

So many of the times Max has seen her use her powers, it has been for hurting. Big messy screaming brute force and smashing ripping killing. Max has never seemed afraid of her, and she knows better than to let herself worry that that has changed just now.

But still, she wants Max to know her better doing helping, healing things. Good things. Gentle things.

She thinks of threading needles at the lab. Of her frustration that it was easier to hurl someone across a room than to move a weightless little thing just so. Of Papa's face when she finally did it.

"I can thread a needle."

Max's brows flick upwards a little, and El realizes she has thought pretty far away from where their out-loud words left off.

"Cool."

"Do you want to see?"

Max shrugs. "I believe you."

Disappointment must show on El's face, because Max does a curious little frown.

"What's the matter? I'm not worried you're gonna accidentally kill me or something. I know you'd never hurt me..."

Just as El looks up hopefully, Max adds quietly with a little smirk, "again."

El knows Max meant it funny, but it's honestly the worst thing she could have said. That one extra word turns the sentence from one El would've kept as a warm memory to visit often, to one that leaves her shimmery-eyed and brittle with remorse.

"Hey, I'm just-" the smirk falls off Max's face. "C'mon, hey. I'm sorry. I'm just teasing. I wasn't hurt at all."

El has already apologized about the time with the skateboard. Max was never mad, in fact she laughed when El confessed, but she doesn't understand how much El hates that it happened.

She hates that she can never honestly say the words I would never hurt you because she already has. Literally the first thing she ever did to Max was hurt her, and she can never undo that.

"I wouldn't." El meant to be promising, but it comes out small and more like pleading. "I am good now. I am gentle. I can be."

"I know you are." A concerned frown creases Max's brow. "I- I'm sorry, it was a stupid joke. I shouldn't have said that. I know you're good, El. You always were. I wouldn't be your friend if you weren't."

That is a nice thing to say, but Max just does not know the bad things El has done, before, in the lab. She would rather keep it that way.

El wants to be known by everyone as good and nice and helping, but Max makes her think about wanting to be gentle more than anyone else. She can't figure out how to show her that, or why exactly she wants to.

She picks up Max's hand and turns it palm-up to show the underside of her forearm where the skin is soft, and she touches it. Her middle fingertip ghosts down Max's arm so lightly that it might tickle.

She doesn't know why she thought to show her with her hands instead of with her powers... when that's what she's talking about, isn't it?

Her finger gets to the center of Max's palm and stops.

Surely Max is going to laugh and ask what this is, and El doesn't know what this is, so she stops and awkwardly returns her hands to her lap.

Max stays looking at her palm for a moment as if El has left something there. Then looks at El without saying anything, without laughing or making a funny face. Her cheeks look a little bit pink. Maybe she feels embarrassed, although El can't think of a reason.

El wishes it was easier to tell what other people are thinking about.

"I know you're gentle," Max says. "It's..."

Rarely does El care so much about how a sentence ends. She waits.

Max's eyes drop lower on El's face again. Maybe checking her nose, but El doesn't know what would've made her think she'd used her powers just now.

And then suddenly Max turns away, inhaling deeply. "Anyway! Thanks for.." she taps her head.

El nods, and Max gets up and disappears into the other room.

She touches her nose to check if it's bleeding. It's not.

She had liked touching Max. That's a funny thing to think, because it's nothing new. She touches Max all the time. They're always sitting with their shoulders brushing, or doing each other's hair, or having sleepovers snug against each other.

But touching Max's skin, on purpose, had been pleasant in a way she can't seem to pinpoint.

And she loves Max's laugh, so she doesn't understand why she had been so glad Max hadn't laughed just now.

Footsteps make her look up.

Max plops down next to her again. Her mouth opens like she's going to say something, but nothing comes out, and she stays like that.

El waits.

"Look-" Max says abruptly, like she's interrupting, "I'm sorry I bummed you out. I wanna make sure you get that, like, me being okay with you tinkering around in my brain isn't 'cause I forgot you could squish me like a bug if you felt like it. It's 'cause I trust you. 'Cause like, you don't even squish bugs, that's what's funny. Well, not funny, it..."

El's eyes narrow, unsure, and Max falters.

"I'm not explaining this very..." she sighs, wetting her lips. "Look. I've seen what you can do when you have to. But I see what you do because you want to. And I know that's like..." she looks around the room with a small shrug, "the real you. Okay?"

El collects these words carefully, intrigued by the idea that there is such a thing as a real her, and that Max knows what it is. She wishes she would tell her. But that's a lot to think about right now.

"Oh," is all El says, but a hopeful smile tempts the corners of her mouth.

"And like," Max starts again, and El refocuses, thrilled that there's more. "You being crazy strong, makes it... like.. I mean, for you to be.. um. super gentle, it's like..."

El leans in, desperately invested in that last word being a good word. She watches Max's mouth to see what will come out. "Makes it.... what?"

"It's..." Max glances away. "...cool."

"Oh." Cool is good, but El feels like she had been hoping for something else. What, she has no idea.

Max stands up again like she's going to leave, but her feet don't move. El looks up at her and watches her stare at the floor for a few moments.

"Are you o-"

"I don't mean it's cool," Max sits back down. "I mean it's...." she nods decisively, as if she had finished the sentence and meant it very much.

El looks back intently, faintly mirroring the nod as it goes on. She's sorry that the sentence did not sound finished to her, because Max looks like she would really like her to just understand, and El would love to just understand.

"It's what?"

"It'ssss I like it." She nods that way again.

El smiles for her, but Max sighs like that wasn't the right response and she'll have to keep trying.

She picks up El's hand and pushes up the sleeve of her shirt, and El smiles because she knows what's coming as she watches Max place her fingertips near the crease of her elbow.

Instead of letting that hand just hang loose, El brings her fingertips up to Max's arm, so that as Max begins to trace slowly down her arm, El's fingers automatically mirror the same on hers.

It does sort of tickle, and it makes her wish their arms were much much much longer. That is a weird thought.

Max's fingertips trail down, maybe going slightly slower when they ghost over the tattoo that El doesn't usually like anybody to touch.

They arrive in El's palm and stay there, both of them looking down at their fingertips resting lightly on each others' palms. Knowing that's the end of it but not wanting it to be, El curls her fingers, lightly closing them around Max's.

She still doesn't know what this is supposed to mean, but she likes that Max thought something of it, too. Maybe Max knows what it means.

She would ask her, but Max has just leaned in very close, and it's not a problem except El is trying to figure out why, because Max has never done that before. Nobody ever puts their face this close to her face except for Mike when he was about to - oh.

Oh. She hadn't thought of that.

She looks at Max from too close to focus, but she doesn't want to pull away to see better. Max gives her a small smile. Waiting.

Waiting for what, El wonders. Mike never did this. Maybe it is that their noses are in the way. Maybe Max doesn't know you have to tilt.

El smiles a little and tilts a little, and that must have been it, because then Max kisses her. It's soft and kind of long, and it makes El's eyes close in a way that it's hard to get them open again after it's over.

Whatever had been nice about touching Max's arm, kissing her lips is that way, except, a lot more.

Gentle, she thinks. Max is gentle. This is a much better way to tell someone.

El has never had a kiss like that one, and is surprised at that, considering how many she's had. She's never thought to kiss gently. Not that she kisses hard, she just... never thought to do it any other way but the same way over and over.

They look at each other with smirky little smiles that flit between happy and uncertain.

El is going to kiss Max again. She's going to kiss her so sosososo gently, and then she'll know.

She cups Max's cheek and kisses her again, this time as softly as she can manage, so softly that if it was any more soft, they wouldn't really even be touching.

"Hmygoh," Max breathes against her lips, ending the kiss by making El laugh.

Max's cheeks are pink, and she looks at El with a kind of glazed-over tiny smile.

El nods that nod from earlier, but as a question.

Max's smile spreads a bit and she nods back.

That seemed like it worked, but El is going to try to tell her again anyway, just to be sure.

[anmaries]

ROGUE + THE BROTHERHOOD how does rogue feel about her past with the brotherhood? does she view it as formative/necessary to shape part of who she is, or is it something she tries to distance herself from/avoid? asked by @mindflare

Rogue does feel an incredible amount of shame and guilt concerning her past. But, it's important to remember that she was a young, impressionable girl who simply wanted a place to fit in. She wanted to be cared for and loved, and she believed that following along with Mystique and using incredible amounts of violence would allow her that. She killed a lot of people, and she absorbed a ton more ( so much so that in Genosha she suffers within her mind, as the people she's absorbed attempt to take over her body ).

This haunts her constantly. A large portion of her life seems to be dedicated to making amends for that past, and yet her penitence is never enough, for neither her nor the people around her.

For the most part, however, she really just wanted to make Mystique proud and show that she could be valuable. This stems from the fact that Mystique found Rogue at her lowest point, after she ran away from her aunt when the incident occured with Cody. Rogue believed she was some kind of dangerous monster, undeserving of society and everything that goes along with it, and decided to go off on her own. Mystique came across her, and assured Rogue that there were others like her, and that the power she had made her special, that she was destined for better things.

Whilst there was obvious manipulation from Mystique's side, the brotherhood WAS a safehaven for Rogue at the time. She made friends; she had people who appreciated her, who wanted to spend time with her. Mystique and Destiny were there for the formative parts of her life, and although a lot of it included engaging in mutant terrorism, they treated her like family. They took care of her, fed her, clothed her. Mystique was constantly viligant in taking care of Rogue, not only because she saw her use, but also how they both suffer with a detachment from their "real" self (Mystique and the constant changing of her appearance, Rogue and the numerous identities she's absorbed).

To return to my original point, whilst Rogue does feel a lot of shame revolving around what she did, her feelings are still complicated. She loved Mystique and Destiny, she loved Pyro, and she enjoyed being appreciated for who she was. The Brotherhood saved her from what would've probably been an even worse ending, and was sort of like an introductory course on her powers. So no, I don't think she actively avoids that part of her life, but she wants people to realize that her actions then do not define her anymore. She has matured considerably, and although she can take a more extreme / drastic approach on matters, she is an empathetic person who can truly understand both sides of the story, and who will do anything to protect those she loves.

[tfyoulookingatgiuxs]

HELLOOO! I visited your profile and I have to say that I love the aesthetics of your profile, but I'm here to ask if you could do part three of Steve's miniseries? I LOVE IT!!! Please, I hope you will listen to my request.🥺

-🩰

Aww, thank you sweetie! Of course i will! I'm glad you like the Class Fight miniseries. Anyway, thanks for your compliment 💖

For the throat

Steve Harrington x Soft!Reader

(Part 3 OF THE CLASS FIGHT. MASTERLIST -> HERE )

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: You were ready to make Steve and Kelly pay, but an unexpected event leaves you speechless and makes you understand what you had to do to find an ending to this story.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: Yandere!Reader, fem!Reader, Soft!Reader, Mean!Reader, your surname is Williams, no use of Y/N, humilation, slight fluff, lots of bullying, comfort, manipulation, bad language, themes about sex, bad ending? (READ THIS!! In this part of the miniseries, bad taste and bullying scenarios will be introduced. I invite you not to take this as an example! These things should absolutely not be done in real life, neither for revenge nor to make your day better. This is for entertainment purposes and the miniseries only. Don't imitate what is written here!)

𝐀/𝐍: Requested by an anonymous person! I didn't think anyone would request part 3 of this miniseries. We can finally end this miniseries like this, yes. With lots of yanderism. Sorry for my english this Is not my native language. Please support new writers and reblog! Hope you enjoy. (DIVIDER NOT MINE)

The bell rang and the atmosphere at school changed dramatically in a way that was exceptional, for your liking. All those photos scattered around the school made 'King Steve Harrington' the laughing stock of the school. Obviously everyone knew that Harrington was the typical popular boy, surrounded by girls, but no one could really imagine that he enjoyed making out with Kelly White, now defined as a whore in every way. You headed towards Steve's locker where most of the students were gathered. The boy was shocked as he continued to stare in amazement at the image of him and Kelly having sex next to the swimming pool at his house. Tommy who was next to Steve together with Carol started laughing.

“Fuck dude! did you seriously fuck that bitch Kelly?” His laughter could be clearly heard and even some around him whispered something while laughing under their breath.

"Don't call her that!" Steve set out to defend her by arrogantly taking the developed photo with the words 'The one who fucked Kelly the bitch' written on it. Other people started laughing as a furious blonde head came heading towards the boy.

"What the fuck did you do?" She almost shouted at Steve as some students held up more photos like those. Steve shook his head but one of the other students spoke up.

"You two just fucked, there's no need to get so angry" the young woman looked at the student with glasses whose name you didn't know "Shut up you filthy little shit" from there more laughter started, even from Kelly's friends, who apparently they were having fun mocking her.

"Aww, little Kelly is getting mad, why don't you comfort yourself by sucking some cock" Carol commented making a face. Steve turned to say something, but he knew it would only make the situation worse, he remained silent. And that's when you saw his face fall apart, he knew his reputation was on the line, now he would be penalized and seen by everyone as a loser worse than the school's freaks. A pleasure you didn't think you'd feel, even if you felt sorry for your sweet little Steve. Other students started laughing and Kelly began yelling "Stop it!" She said it especially to those he calls 'her friends'.

"Come on Kelly, don't be like that, I mean you just have sex with 'King Steve Harrington' I hope you at least got paid" Needless to say that the students were also exaggerated, but in the end you wanted this and you couldn't go back, you had to make your dear Steve understand the consequences of his actions.

"You are pathetic, and you. You are pathetic, you embarrassed me!" She said, taking it out on Steve, as if he were the cause of everything. She couldn't admit that she had been careless, distracted and dense. This spoiled and foolish girl couldn't deserve a person like Steve Harrington and he would soon understand it. This public humiliation left everyone speechless and with a new tool to play and have fun with, making the two students' lives hell. School was a filthy place where bullying happens whether we like it or not. People are mean and shameless, you would never forgive the people who would hurt Steve, but if this was the price you had to pay to make your loved one see sense, then it was worth it.

Principal Higgins arrived on site and ordered all the students to get rid of those obscene and vulgar photos, taking with them the two students who were the subjects of those pictures. You went to the principal's office to discuss the postponed basketball game, as if you were part of the journalism club, and you were able to eavesdrop on the conversation between Kelly and Steve's parents. The principal did not know who had spread those photographs but they would be committed to finding the culprit and reporting him. You had been careful with your actions, so they wouldn't find you easily. Higgins could do nothing other than assure them that everything would be fine and that they would suspend students if there was any bullying. Kelly's parents began to protest:

"Who could it have been?"

“Our daughter doesn't deserve this!”

"She has never done anything wrong"

"It's Steve's fault! He should never have dragged our daughter into this."

Pointing the finger at the person who ultimately just wanted to have fun and get high with Kelly White. Amazing how people like that have so much courage, if not Kelly herself, who blamed Harrington for convincing her to have sex with him. Steve was really exhausted and began to defend himself, reiterating that the thing had been accepted by both parties and that she had not hesitated to have it out with him. A ridiculous conversation with ridiculous people like White's parents themselves. You took a seat in the waiting room where at the moment no one was present except you, and as soon as everyone left you met Kelly's shining eyes who glared at you, there's no doubt mutual hatred. But then you looked at Steve's and your heart shattered into a thousand pieces. You hated seeing him like this, but soon that ugly sad face would change.

Three weeks have passed and the situation at school for the two 'fuck friends' was not improving. Steve had been abandoned by Carol and Tommy and Kelly by her group, who now enjoyed bullying her, but she says they envy her because she fucked the most popular boy in school, or at least what was left of him. In class Steve was subject to the usual giggles and teasing, no one spoke to him anymore except to tell him some mean or tasteless joke. But not you. You let Steve feel safe, protected and understood. In class, when he was missing something, you were always the one to help him, to lend him a pen, a pencil or a simple piece of paper. You had always been good, thus being a glimmer of hope for him in what now seemed like his downfall. On the one hand you felt guilty but you couldn't feel this kind of remorse. In the end he didn't treat you the way you deserved to be treated...You would have made Steve come to you, repent, kneel at your feet asking for forgiveness, bringing all his weaknesses out into the open and taking advantage of them. to have him back with you. You didn't talk to him, you only answered him if it was necessary and when you arrived at school you greeted him only to then head straight to class. In short, the boy who until a few weeks ago had called you a "monster" was now devoted to you. Did you know that.

One day inside the locker accompanied by your friend Charlie you found a love letter with a poem written on it. Very cute that your cheeks got red. The letter wasn't signed, but you didn't need signature to know it was him. You recognized his writing and his grammar, it was no coincidence that you were classmates in Mr. Collins' literature lessons, but apparently he had improved over the years. Your friend was happy to see such a scenario and adjusted her glasses.

"You are really a lucky girl! I wonder who it is..." Charlie asked to herself and you smiled closing the locker "Yeah, who knows who it's..." you pretended not to know. It was like you knew everything. The way events would have presented themselves to you, but apparently you were very wrong. When you got to class you were surprised by the sight of a teddy bear on your desk. The classroom was empty and you and Charlie ran over happy at the sight. You didn't expect it, seriously, you were over the moon, you didn't think Steve Harrington could be so romantic.

"You have a very friendly and romantic secret admirer! I'm jealous!" She smiled as you took the little bear into your arms, hugging him close.

"It's beautiful!" You said feeling the softness making you feel more and more comfortable, remembering that this was your Steve after all. Everything was interrupted by the presence of Kelly White intent on barging into the classroom. She looked at you menacingly and then returned to her place in silence, you returned that look. If White thought she could scare you, she was very wrong... However, Kelly has never been early to class, apparently she has no reason to stay out for a few minutes with everyone making fun of her. You would have ignored her and continued to fantasize and talk about your 'secret admirer'. Although, you felt Kelly's glare behind you, you didn't know what she wanted, but this time you weren't going to let her get away easily with some injuries. Everyone was against her, she couldn't do anything even if she wanted to, she had lost and now she would pay. The bell rang and the rest of the class was entering for chemistry class, which coincidentally, both Steve and Kelly were in attendance. Apparently you had to attend the same class for an hour... Hilarious how in such a short time their classmates began to mock the two, especially Kelly. There were those who laughed, there were those who avoided a hypothetical Kelly White intent on sucking a cock or there were those who pulled crumpled photos of the blonde girl's tits. All while the teacher had her back turned. You could hear Steve behind you breathing deeply, tense and trying to keep his composure careful not to fall apart, while maintaining the popular kid confidence he had learned to master on one hand. Kelly on the other hand was definitely on the verge of crying, you didn't mind, she had asked for it, even if this treatment was exaggerated, but this wasn't enough to make you feel guilty.

It was time to write notes and you felt a finger gently tap your shoulder “Can I borrow a pen?” Harrington's low voice made you blush, he was so cute with that low tone, like helpless. You turned around lending him a black pencil and smiled and he thanked you smiling as if he had found peace of mind. It was all under your control. Between you and Steve now there was only comfort for one and the other. In that quiet you heard a bang and you jumped on the spot. Kelly White, in a fit of anger and tears in her eyes, left the classroom without saying anything.

"Miss White! Come right back here!" The indignant teacher shouted as laughter filled the class. You remained silent looking at that scenario. The chemistry teacher returned shortly after ordering us to stop and resume class. You didn't know where Kelly had ended up and you didn't even care in all honesty, you were just happy with Steve's gift.

School was over and you quietly walked out with your teddy bear in your hands, which you left in your backpack during class. "Hey! Williams" you heard yourself called and you turned around. The image of Steve running towards you made you feel like the protagonist of a movie, with your lover chasing the protagonist to tell her that he loved her.

"Harrington, to what do I owe this presence of yours?" You asked politely with a hint of a smile. The boy took several breaths to recover from his run.

"I...I'm here to apologize to you" That very obvious phrase made you look at him with careful eyes trying to predict his moves.

"I know you might not care, but I want you to know they mean it. I'm really sorry for everything I told you, I was wrong about White" Steve confessed. You didn't know exactly how to answer, or maybe you did. You were undecided among the thousand answers you wanted to give him, but among all of them you decided to let out a sigh.

"I know. I knew Kelly's true nature and I was sorry when you defended her. But the important thing is that now you understand it, too bad I can't drag you out of trouble" he looked at you and you thought you could melt from the sweetness and together with that warm air that was now swirling in Hawkins.

"I don't care about the situation. I know what I did, and I deserve it, I just thought about having fun instead of focusing on the person I loved" Your heart skipped a beat and you thought about staying dry.

"I love you Williams. I've always loved you, and that day when you confessed to me I only thought about sticking my filthy limp cock in Kelly White, instead of feeling the feelings I had for you" another pause gave him accompanied and this time you didn't answer.

"Please...forgive me. I promise I will change, and if you want I will leave but I want you to accept my apology. I have been a dick to you and you deserve me to do anything to have your forgiveness" It was incredible how devoted he was to you, how much he wanted your forgiveness to have someone by his side. When sometimes the hot idea of ​​having sex surpasses even the real feelings you have for someone. You had him in your grasp, he was finally in your hands, you just had to hold him. You nodded. "I forgive you Steve Harrington. Thanks for your apology, I love you too" You said placing a light kiss on his cheek and that's when you saw him break down. He put a hand on his face as a few tears fell and wet his face "Thank you..." he whispered and you didn't hesitate to pick him up and hug him "It's okay Stevie" you said lovingly.

You stayed like that until he fully recovered, luckily you were near the woods, so no one saw you. You were definitely thrilled! Steve was finally yours and now you will have actually dated. At the moment, however, you couldn't show much affection due to Steve's low reputation which could have affected you too. This story wasn't over yet and therefore your dating would have had some problems, but nothing that scared you. However, that wouldn't last long, especially after Kelly's absence. As the days went by, Kelly White didn't show up, there were those who enjoyed this thinking that she was changing schools, but when the news came out on TV everyone was speechless. In Hawkins High School the story of "Kelly the Bitch" was never heard again. Steve now looked like a student like many others and the photos that had taken had been definitively thrown away and no one else had mastered any others. Your life hasn't changed. Sure, you finally had the boyfriend of your dreams but nothing new in your daily life. Many times White's looks come to mind, she knew it was you, she shouted at you:

"You filthy whore, it was you!"

"I will make you pay!"

"You ruined my life"

"Just to have Harrington with you"

"I will kill you!"

All the cries that her eyes gave you. Too bad for her because you didn't give a damn about her screams. Her death hadn't been slow, but you made sure you would create a scenario that you would pass off as a simple suicide. As your father had told you: "For the throat" and so you did.

[microcosme11]

Germaine de Staël is creeped out by General Bonaparte

I saw him for the first time at Paris. I could not find words to reply to him, when he came to me to say, that he had sought my father at Coppet, and that he regretted having passed into Switzerland without seeing him. But, when I was a little recovered from the confusion of admiration, a strongly marked sentiment of fear succeeded. Bonaparte, at that time, had no power; he was even believed to be not a little threatened by the captious suspicions of the Directory; so that the fear which he inspired was caused only by the singular effect of his person upon nearly all who approached him. I had seen men highly worthy of esteem; I had likewise seen monsters of ferocity: there was nothing in the effect which Bonaparte produced on me that could bring back to my recollection either the one or the other. I soon perceived, in the different opportunities which I had of meeting him during his stay in Paris, that his character could not be defined by the words which we commonly use; he was neither good, nor violent, nor gentle, nor cruel, after the manner of individuals of whom we have any knowledge. Such a being had no fellow, and therefore could neither feel nor excite sympathy: he was more or less than man. His cast of character, his understanding, his language, were stamped with the impress of an unknown nature;—an additional advantage, as we have elsewhere observed, for the subjugation of Frenchmen.

Far from recovering my confidence by seeing Bonaparte more frequently, he constantly intimidated me more and more. I had a confused feeling that no emotion of the heart could act upon him. He regards a human being as an action or a thing, not as a fellow creature. He does not hate more than he loves; for him nothing exists but himself; all other creatures are cyphers. The force of his will consists in the impossibility of disturbing the calculations of his egotism; he is an able chess-player, and the human race is the opponent to whom he proposes to give check mate. His successes depend as much on the qualities in which he is deficient as on the talents which he possesses. Neither pity, nor allurement, nor religion, nor attachment to any idea whatsoever, could turn him aside from his principal direction. He is for his self-interest what the just man should be for virtue; if the end were good, his perseverance would be noble.

Every time that I heard him speak, I was struck with his superiority; yet it had no similitude to that of men instructed and cultivated by study or society, such as those of whom France and England can furnish examples. But his discourse indicated a fine perception of circumstances, such as the sportsman has of the game which he pursues. Sometimes he related the political and military events of his life in a very interesting manner; he had even somewhat of Italian imagination in narratives which allowed of gaiety. Yet nothing could triumph over my invincible aversion for what I perceived in him. I felt in his soul a cold sharp-edged sword, which froze the wound that it inflicted; I perceived in his understanding a profound irony, from which nothing great or beautiful, not even his own glory could escape; for he despised the nation whose suffrages he wished, and no spark of enthusiasm was mingled with his desire of astonishing the human race.

It was in the interval between the return of Bonaparte and his departure for Egypt, that is to say, about the end of 1797, that I saw him several times at Paris; and never could I dissipate the difficulty of breathing which I experienced in his presence. I was one day at table between him and the Abbé Sieyès;—a singular situation, if I had been able to foresee what afterwards happened. I examined the figure of Bonaparte with attention; but whenever he discovered that my looks were fixed upon him, he had the art of taking away all expression from his eyes, as if they had been turned into marble. His countenance was then immovable, except a vague smile which his lip assumed at random, to mislead anyone who might wish to observe the external signs of what was passing within.

The Abbé Sieyès conversed during dinner unaffectedly and fluently, as suited a mind of his degree of strength. He expressed himself concerning my father with a sincere esteem. “He is the only man,” said he, “who has ever united the most perfect precision in the calculations of a great financier to the imagination of a poet.” This eulogium pleased me, because it characterized him. Bonaparte, who heard it, also said some obliging things concerning my father and me, but like a man who takes no interest in individuals whom he cannot make use of in the accomplishment of his own ends.

His figure, at that time thin and pale, was rather agreeable; he has since grown fat, which does not become him; for we can scarcely tolerate a character which inflicts so many sufferings on others, if we do not believe it to be a torment to the person himself. As his stature is short, and his waist very long, he appeared to much more advantage on horseback than on foot. In every respect it is war, and only war, which suits him. His manners in society are constrained, without timidity; he has an air of vulgarity when he is at his ease, and of disdain when he is not: disdain suits him best, and accordingly he indulges in it without scruple.

By a natural vocation to the regal office, he already addressed trifling questions to all who were presented to him. Are you married? was his question to one of the guests. How many children have you? he said to another. How long is it since you arrived? When do you set out? and other interrogations of a similar kind, which establish the superiority of him who puts them over those who submit to be thus questioned. He already took delight in the art of embarrassing, by saying disagreeable things; an art which he has since reduced into a system, as he has every other mode of subjugating men by degrading them. At this epoch, however, he had a desire to please, for he confined to his own thoughts the project of overturning the Directory, and substituting himself in its stead; but in spite of this desire, one would have said that, unlike the prophet, he cursed involuntarily, though he intended to bless.

Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité: Exploring the French Revolution (link)

[cookiecomics]

⭐⭐⭐ give me that directors infodump 👀

Hehehe I'll give my director's cut on Futaba's awakening!

So I am super in love with the day Persona 3 did their second awakenings. The idea that events in the characters' lives independent from the protagonist caused a shift in their psyche that caused them to develop as characters was appealing for me. Without Ren as the driving force behind the change, they had to change on their own which led me to try to brainstorm what events might push different characters to the brink.

For Makoto it was having everything about the police and justice stripped away with both her own actions, the actions of her sister and how it all culminated into getting a full view of what the justice system she craved to belong to can do to those with no power to do otherwise, it changed her in a way that she can't come. back from. That in my eyes, was the tamest of the bunch.

Then we had Akechi, someone who, at every turn, refused to free himself from his own mental shackles of the situation he's been in. How he viewed his mother and her complicated life. How he viewed himself in relation to his father and in relation to the world. He never really went after what HE wanted, only what he thought was what he was destined to do. To him, finding meaning in life meant finding some sort of balance that would be worth the cost of his mother's life. Bringing down Shido was that for him. A monster through and through and just like the stories and legends that Akechi is no doubt familiar with, that kind of karmic justice may not be "worth" his mother's life, but it's worth his. It's penance for what she had to go through. He wasn't living for himself, not really.

There's a saying in Naruto that really spoke to how I developed Ren and Goro in this fic. Sasuke said Naruto couldn't understand him because he's been alone from the very beginning vs Sasuke who lost everyone he loved. Those are two very different types of loneliness and two different sources of anger that feel like they should be the same, but they aren't. Fundamentally, they aren't, and that's why Ren was unable to reach him in that way.

From the very beginning, I knew Futaba and Cog Akechi were going to be the mechanism for Goro's second awakening. Goro's ultimate villain after all isn't fully Shido, it's always been himself. His perception of himself, his past, his inability to let himself have that love and adoration he craves now that he's found it. The person who could reach him was the only other person who would understand his very unique brand of pain in Futaba.

Being told it wasn't his fault his mom killed herself from someone that in his eyes, has every reason to despise him, to curse him, to see him fall, meant something to him. It reached him in a way that Ren couldn't in this side of the fic because Goro never tried to kill Ren. Not really, but he did ruin Futaba's life in the exact same way that his was ruined. That's why Futaba was the only one who could reach him.

She knows what it's like to believe and be told by others that your life was a burden on your mother, that self hatred, that hatred for the world at large, that need and desire for some sort of justice for your mother. Futaba gets all of that and she says as much in the game. She doesn't have to forgive him, but she can give him what he needs, and show him first hand, in action, that love is complicated.

As for Futaba's awakening, considering the deadly sin being explored in the palace was pride, neither Ren nor Goro was wholly equipped to deal with the palace at large.

They both wanted different things and were reluctant in their own ways to compromise the whole way through. It wasn't until both of them learned that they needed other people- that they could get saved by the person whose shown the most humility in the story thus far, Futaba.

Humility can be defined as having a realistic view of yourself and self-importance. Goro and Ren both put their goals above others, repeatedly.

Futaba is one of the few people in the story who never tries to sacrifice those around her for herself. When given the option to abandon Makoto to save herself when Goro takes everyone hostage, she rejects that. When given the choice to leave Goro to Cog Goro, she rejects that too. She stands up for Ren against the phantom thieves, and even against Sojiro. Time and time again, Futaba shows that humility when everyone else especially Ryuji, Ann and Makoto often fall to their own instances of pride or anger.

And most importantly, as much as Ren's whole life was turned upside down by Shido. The person who suffered the most at the hands of Shido were Akechi and Futaba and Futaba deserved to smack her dad (lol at my fav hc) in his stupid bald head as vengeance for her mom. I was disappointed the game didn't give her a moment like that, but alas, condense storytelling.

Throughout the story, Futaba constantly desires to have the power to save those around her. With her awakening and her turning the tide against the big bad, she does just that.

[thelostgirl21]

Me: Jaskier and Radovid are just in their infatuation phase, it's not true love yet...

Google Newsfeed: Here's an article that should interest you...

Me: Alright, let's see what it has to say...

"When you love somebody, you actually begin to consider their needs, not in a 'I want to please you' way, but 'I want what's good for you.' When you love somebody, you are willing to sacrifice things that you may not have been able or willing to sacrifice in another relationship."

She adds that in true love, partners begin to consider and care for each other in the same way they consider themselves.

... becoming deeply curious about them in an "honest and overwhelming" way, and wanting to share parts of oneself with them that haven't been shared with others before.

However, she believes the most important defining factor of true love is that it involves action.

"When you truly love someone, you want to have acts of service, you want to do things that are good for them," Shaw says. "How can you actively show that you love somebody? Usually it's in the things that you do and the way that you speak to them, and being willing to invest and sacrifice and maybe even look at your own personal issues, and being willing to adjust and change in ways that maybe you wouldn't have before."

"Knowing that they have your back and they're always supportive," Edwards says. "And your willingness to be their 'ride-or-die,' your willingness to support them no matter what, no matter what they're going through, no matter how they show up each and every day. The ups and downs and the left and right."

Me: Alright! You win! It's true love! Damnit!

Okay, but seriously though, it's still mostly infatuation, although the foundations to allow said infatuation to naturally evolve towards "true love" are most definitely there.

My partner and I kissed on the 2nd time we saw each other, and said "I love you" on the 3rd (I kid you not)!

Except the first time I told him "I love you", it initially meant "you deeply intrigue me, I feel highly affectionate towards you, care about your happiness and well-being for some reason, and want to further explore that connection between us. I want us to learn to become a team and to rely on each other, if you want it, too, and you're willing to work with me towards that objective."

Now, 17 years into the relationship, it means "I see you as you are, with all your wonderful qualities and quirks, your amazing heart, your vulnerabilities, your annoying little habits, your ability to frustrate me and drive me totally mad sometimes, while at the same time feeling like something would be missing from my life if you didn't. We can bicker and fight, and three seconds later forget the argument ever happened because those fights don't even matter. Because, when things do matter - when the subject is important, we're a team. I've got your back, you've got mine, we try to find solutions without there ever being a "winner" or a "loser", and do our best to protect each other from hurt as much as we can."

And, contrary to popular belief, "true love" isn't restricted to romantic feelings, nor a single person.

Geralt, Jaskier, and Yennefer have pretty much all reached that "ride-or-die" stage together, combined with that unconditional love and acceptance of who they are, and the ability to find happiness in each other's happiness.

They are able to think in terms of "I", of "we two" and of "we as a family".

It's "true love", bitches!

Jaskier and Radovid are well on their way there, given that neither of them seem to expect the other to be perfect, there's a willingness to compromise and find common ground, and desire to listen to, and understand each other.

Even share resources, as Jaskier was quick to offer Radovid access to his Sandpiper network to keep him safe, and Radovid didn't hesitate to suggest using his financial resources and presence to help Jaskier.

The initial attraction is a very loving one that is turning out to be sufficiently grounded in reality to have the potential to become a truly epic love story.

[titoist]

a morning after & before rain. under the covers of my flower-patterned duvet, covered by it like a cocoon, i hear rain tapping against the frame of my open window & landing on garden soil with rhythmic thaps. the floral chasm around me rises & falls with my breathing. i grip my plush cat close. what i like so much about the mornings throughout my life, what makes me miss & yearn for them even as the day is just passing into noon, isn't about the individual qualities of mornings - sounds and sensations that coalesce into the 'feeling of morning', which happens to appeal to me on a consistent & intense enough basis that i adore each morning as a discrete event, to be adored individually. but it's not like that, i think. i like mornings so much because i do not think of mornings as capable of being individual events. they're recursive, inseparable from all the other identical mornings i've ever had throughout my life; there is only one morning, which i have been experiencing every day for my entire life. this is why i can't explain the feeling that mornings induce in me, the sense of total stillness & encompassment that can be neither described nor evoked, that feels a little like defocusing your eyes & shearing your mind & being able to see the road outside your home through the eyes of someone who's never gone down it before and as such feels it could theoretically lead anywhere, without impotently trying to describe mornings from my childhood. it would be a fundamentally incomplete description. it's incommunicable, but i can't help wanting to communicate i think this is the same instinct that compels me to show people i love important childhood locations, specific buildings & roads & towns, sights. i want to reverse-engineer myself within them, so that they can understand the qualia directly. of course, this is impossible. i wrestle to capture qualia with the same desperation as someone trying to resist murder. all of the mornings throughout my life, from fuzzy childhood to now & the ocean of everything interceding those two points, has been defined by imagining affection. this morning is no different.

i feel like i am potentially writing all of the time, in my mind. i am constantly thinking about writing, & i am constantly thinking of things which could be molded into words. the issue is that i've conditioned myself across years to see 'writing' (especially on this site) as a very discrete action which one does only for the rare, notable thoughts which are 'fit' to be molded into writing - in the same sense that sculptors might only use specialized clay. and such thoughts could feasibly only come in limited quantities every so-often, there's no limit to how long one might need to wait, interstitially. i'm constantly waiting for writable thoughts to come. this is, i think, the core of what's driven me crazy me about my writing habits for the last 3 years. i want the writable thoughts to come to me all of the time. or, rather: i want to be able to turn every thought into a writable thought. it's almost like i feel a desire to save, archive, explain, post, show everything. i want to give everything some degree of meaning, attention. some might label this as obsessive & draining but i have a feeling deep inside of me that the instinct is ultimately a good one. this is what i meant, a long time ago now, when i wrote about a need to be thinking constantly. what i meant was that i needed to be thinking about writable things constantly. i desire to make everything notable. but it's possible that's just one of those things that can't really be learned.

whether the last 2 blocs of text are intrinsically related to one-another, albeit in a more abstract way than simply being about the same topic, or whether they're almost totally independent explorations of separate ideas which just so happen to share the same 'post' - doesn't really matter, i think. it can be whatever you like better.