#but my wife has progressed to walking with a cane

[literary-motif]

I. The Symposium

In which you make a new acquaintance. ~6,400 words

Warnings: smoking, drinking

Overview // Prologue

“What a surprise. What a pleasant surprise!” Lady Alderton said, approaching you with quick steps that made her dangling earrings bounce. Her light brown hair was up, allowing a few perfect curls to escape the bun at the top of her head.

Lady Claire Alderton was a whirlwind, enthusiastic, and extravagant, nearly to an improper degree. She wore her heart on her sleeve, which made her both brutally honest and a refreshing conversationalist in social circles. She was a pleasure to have around.

“My favorite artist of the century!” she said, clasping your hands and beaming at you.

Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw Theodore bow faintly, muttering a greeting that went entirely ignored as she was busy taking you in.

“You must tell me all about Paris, my dear. What are the Ladies like? I can only imagine the beauty of living in the center of art. Laureen, love, look who has graced London with their presence again!”

“Thank you for the invitation, Lady Alderton,” you said, seizing the opportunity to get a word in edgewise. “It is a pleasure to be back.” 

From the adjoining room, the tall, elegant figure of Lady Laureen Alderton stepped out, following the call of her wife and smiling in satisfaction when she saw you. “A Parisian artist in our humble home, oh my,” she teased, taking a drag of her cigarette and appraising you. 

She was the polar opposite of her wife, subtle and always happy to manipulate a conversation by introducing a controversy to reignite its spark. Her white skirt swept the floor elegantly, creating a beautiful contrast with her black petticoat-like jacket, which she wore over her gray shirtwaist. 

You inclined your head. “The humble Parisian artist is, in turn, honored to have the pleasure of being invited to your home, Lady and Lady Alderton,” you said smoothly, pulling your mouth into a smirk. “I have missed all this greatly.”

Laureen gave you a long look. She hummed, sussing out your lie immediately but keeping quiet. Claire darted to the door, welcoming new guests as Laureen hooked her arm with yours. She led you through the room towards the table of refreshments.

“We can never escape their binding ties, yes? Even when we leave the country,” she whispered only for you to hear. She pressed a glass of sherry into your hand, raising her own in a silent toast. 

“Such is family,” you replied, taking a sip.

Her eyes crinkled, and she nudged your shoulder as she walked across the room towards the pianist. You watched as Laureen handed her a drink, and she continued playing only with one hand. 

“Our estranged artist!” Lord Beckwith greeted, placing a hand on your shoulder as you turned around at his call.

He was as fashionable as you remembered him, the dark brown of his tailcoat complementing the rich green of his vest in a combination that was almost too scandalous to behold. 

He had enough status to allow himself these eccentricities, and the Aldertons specifically were known to rattle society somewhat with their delightful but scurrilous soirees. The ladies danced on the line between improper and progressive, the mostly informal attire of the attendees this evening being proof of the fact.

“How has Paris been treating you?” Lord Beckwith asked, swinging an arm around your shoulder to draw you into the conversation. The sherry swayed dangerously in your glass, nearly spilling over the edge from the force of his enthusiasm. “I hear your technique has become rather refined.”

“‘Rather refined.’ Edward, please,” Lady Bingley scoffed, evidently having overindulged on the sherry already. 

Her cane lay discarded in the corner of the room, resting against one of the red armchairs. She kept herself steadily upright by gripping the people next to her, one of her hands entrapping the arm of an unsuspecting guest while the other held onto the glass she was quickly draining. The black fabric of her gloves seemed to shimmer in the candlelight, and you found your eyes drawn to the silver ring on her finger, which she wore on the ring finger of her left hand. 

“Was it not Béraud you studied under, dear?” she asked, her eyes narrowing as she tried to remember. “I scarcely think you will be here a week before being invited to lecture at the Royal Academy. Is that not so, Lord Ellingham?”

Lord Ellingham’s head shot up at hearing his name, his eyes darting around the crowd until they settled on Lady Bingley. He glared at her, the deep blue of his eyes matching the color of his tailcoat. Its gold buttons caught the candlelight, making him stand out more than he probably felt comfortable with. 

“Paris was splendid,” you said, smiling politely at Lord Beckwith and sparing Lord Ellingham the embarrassment of replying to Lady Bingley’s half-drunken mutterings. “Monsieur Béraud has taught me a great deal. I am grateful for his more traditional approach,” you said, sipping on your drink. “The world of art seems to be taken by storm by the impressionists or the post-impressionists, and I do appreciate the more academic nature of his art.”

“Very! Yes, very!” Lady Bingley chimed, nearly spilling her drink as her eyes widened in excitement. “Those impressionists with their shaky brushstrokes! I propose a return to realism. That way one might know what the art is actually depicting.” 

Lord Beckwith scowled at that. “What nonsense!” he snapped, glaring at Lady Bingley, affronted by her opinion. “Clearly, you lack the emotional depth necessary to understand these artworks. Have we not discussed the notion of ars gratia artis at length—?”

You smiled in mirth at the discussion of art movements your arrival had evoked. Lady Bingley held her ground firmly in her defense of realism, while Lord Beckwith chiseled away at her arguments by appealing to emotions expressed in art. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Lord Ellingham leave the circle, clearly uninterested in continuing the discussion he must be tired of hearing every day in the Academy of Arts. The argument had turned to the merits of aestheticism when you made your way towards his peaceful retreat by the unlit fireplace.

He smiled when he saw you approach, running a hand through his short black hair to put some wayward strands into place. “Good evening, and welcome back to England,” he said, offering you a hand to shake.

His polite smile was shaky, and you felt a pang of resentment for Lady Bingley for calling him out in a social setting he was not at ease in. Despite his awkwardness, he exuded an air of calmness you assumed to be unmatched in his studio with his paintings. 

You returned his smile warmly, trying to put him more at ease. “Thank you,” you replied as you shook his hand, “it is a pleasure to be back.”

He cleared his throat. “Although I do not appreciate being put on the spot like this” — he jerked his head towards the crowd, his eyes never leaving yours — “I must agree that the Academy would profit greatly from your experience. Lord Leighton would be delighted to have you in the society when he learns of your return to London.”

You shook your head with a chuckle, averting your gaze to find a single spot of white paint next to one of the buttons of his cornflower blue tailcoat. “I have heard nothing but praise this evening,” you said, raising your eyes to meet his again. “Truthfully, I had not expected word of my work to travel from Paris back home.”

The compliments heaved on you this evening were beginning to sound disingenuous, and although society was known to gossip and throw itself to every scrap of exciting news, you were not illusioned enough to think that every utterance of praise for your work was genuine. Half the people in the room had probably never cared enough for art to truly look at it during the exhibitions they attended for propriety’s sake. 

It left the kind words ringing hollow, reminding you of the two-faced nature of the Lords and Ladies. Still, you were not disillusioned enough to underappreciate the opinion of a fellow artist, and Lord Ellingham’s opinion was probably the first you truthfully respected and took to heart during the evening. 

“You were in the Art Journal quite a few times,” he said, laughing quietly at your modesty. “The editors are fond of your combination of the beloved romanticism with the equally beloved realism. It is quite remarkable” — he said, leaning closer to you and glancing around the room — “although I myself am more fond of the impressionist movement.” 

“Naturally,” you said teasingly.

His eyes shone in amusement. “I have all the editions. I can have them sent to you if you would like to read their opinions for yourself,” he said, scratching his beard in contemplation. He did not give you the time to reply as he continued musing. “I recall seeing a painting of yours in it, of the Parliament, I believe. Truly remarkable! Both the piece itself and the accuracy, considering—”

“Pardon me,” Lord Beckwith interrupted, making Lord Ellingham glare at him. His piercing eyes seemed to burn a hole through Lord Beckwith. The latter glared back, undeterred.

“I was in the middle of a conversation, my lord,” Lord Ellingham said disdainfully. 

You shifted, uncomfortable with the sudden tension that was almost palpable. The air between them felt laden with unsaid words. 

You cleared your throat. "Excuse me, gentlemen," you muttered lowly, leaving them glaring at each other as you backed into a different circle of faces. They listened intently to Lord Houghton’s account of Chinese society and all the alleged riches to be found by investing in the opium trade. 

“It warrants a visit, no?” Lady Spalding said, fluttering her fan and looking up at her husband with big eyes. He nodded, beaming at her with warmth and excitement particular to newlyweds. They were entirely enamored, oblivious to the continuing conversation around them as they looked at each other. 

You took a sip of your sherry, the corner of your mouth twisting upwards at the sight.

“Is it not so?” Lord Houghton said, looking at you expectantly. “What do they say about these matters in Paris?” 

You swallowed quickly, nearly choking on your drink.

His wide eyes stared at you unwavering as he waited for your confirmation of whatever you had missed. His black bowtie was crooked from how he had moved around all evening, recounting his tales and half-truths with enough energy to make them seem believable. His dark brown tailcoat was wrinkled, but his dress shirt shone with a pristine whiteness that spoke of the money he owned. 

You cleared your throat. “I am not certain,” you said, faking a charming smile. 

The talk of foreign countries was now the perfect time to fulfill the purpose of accepting this invitation in the first place. 

“In Paris, the conversation is all about Greece," you lied. "The Mediterranean climate is believed to be beneficial to cure all sorts of aches. I can only hope my poor mother recovers on her trip there. Father said they would not return until her ailment ceased.”

Lord Houghton looked disappointed that you had changed the subject, his excited smile falling and his eyes dulling in boredom. 

Before he could continue talking about the opium trade, Lord Remington chimed in. “I do not recall wishing them safe travels,” he said, fiddling with the front of his tailcoat to adjust his monocle. He had the newly developed kind with a gallery, showing it off with a matching gold cord on the expensive fabric. “They must have left abruptly.”

“Very,” you said, sounding rueful. “There was no time to waste, I am afraid, as my mother’s health kept worsening. I extend their deepest regret and apologies for being unable to give a proper goodbye.”

Lady Claire Alderton waved a hand in dismissal. “Health cannot be helped,” she said, urging Lord Houghton to continue his tale of untold riches to be found in China.

You listened halfheartedly, nodding in feigned interest every time his passionate gaze found yours and letting it trail across the room for the rest of his lengthy rant. 

Your brother was trapped in a conversation with Lady Fairhurst by the piano. The young woman playing the soft melody of the piece, nearly drowned out by the loud chatter, was trying her hardest not to appear amused. Her brown hair fell loosely around her shoulders, and she tried to hide her face in the thick locks every time she failed to keep an impassive expression at whatever melodrama Lady Fairhurst was retelling. 

Theodore was nodding to the Lady, hiding the fact that he was nodding along to the rhythm instead. She did not seem to notice.

In the other corner of the room, the circle around Lady Bingley had now moved on to talk about literature. She was fighting fiercely with an equally tipsy Lady Ogden. Both Lord Ellingham and Lord Beckwith were nowhere to be found. 

You set down your empty glass on the table next to you, glancing up in time to watch Lady Laureen Alderton walk in with a man you had not seen before. He stood in the doorway for an instant, offering a cigarette to the hostess, which she accepted with a sly smile. 

The man was dressed elegantly, the fabric of his black tailcoat shimmering in the candlelight and making him appear all the more majestic. His blond, nearly white hair was nicely arranged, the smooth strands adding to his rich appearance. As if feeling your gaze, he took his time surveying the rest of the room before his ruby eyes settled on you.

The intensity of his stare stole your breath, and you stood frozen for an instant, unable to look away. He was mesmerizing, and you felt like the longer you looked, the deeper you sank into enamoration with the stranger in front of you. He had an air of mystery and grandiosity you had only seen in the most lavish baroque paintings until now, enticing you with their darkness and tragedy.

All thoughts of societal propriety were forgotten as you stared — and he stared back. 

He felt too grand to approach, like Notre-Dame de Paris rising ethereally up from the ground, almost suffocatingly gigantic when one stands before it. You saw his lips twist into a grin around the cigarette in his mouth, and you wondered if it was somehow possible for him to hear your quick heartbeat from the other side of the room.

Your trance was broken by Lord Houghton. As he spotted your mysterious stranger, he pointed him out to his circle oflisteners. “My good sir!” he announced, his pleasure and surprise evident at seeing him at the soiree. 

You glanced at Lord Houghton in annoyance before turning back to the stranger. He was still looking at you, his head bowed towards Lady Alderton as she tugged on his black sleeve.

You inclined your head to him in silent greeting before tearing your eyes away to face Lord Houghton again. 

He was still taken with the newly arrived, waving him over with movements that looked ridiculous and desperate. It did not take much to know that he was a greedy crook, scrambling to make a profit of whoever was foolish enough to give him their money. Still, he was the son of one the most respected women in all of society, and it was purely out of love for Lady Houghton that her obnoxious son was entertained in drawing rooms at all. 

Lady Alderton rolled her eyes, muttering something to the stranger. He smirked, nodding his head once in agreement and following the Lord’s exciting greeting by approaching. 

She nodded towards her wife, jerking her head to the door. Claire motioned to Lord Houghton, which made Laureen’s lips tighten into a thin line. They looked at each other. Claire excused herself quietly and disappeared with her wife.

“Lord Claiborne!” the Lord Houghton greeted enthusiastically. “Come, come. Please join us. I was just telling my excellent company about all the possibilities of investment in China. They are interesting for you as well, I am sure.”

“I never invest when Her Majesty’s army is involved,” he replied smoothly, looking back at Lord Houghton disinterestedly. “I have not built my fortune by chasing blood money.”

You took a sip of your drink to hide your gleeful expression. 

Lord Houghton stuttered, taken aback by being told off so harshly.

“Come now, sir,” he said, chuckling nervously and trying to save face. He glanced around at the people watching him, waiting for him to explain. “‘Blood money’ is rather extreme. This is not slavery, after all. We have fought and won the right to sell opium in more ports than Kanton fifty years ago. Time and time again since then. Is it not our responsibility now to take full advantage of this and reap the fruits of our labor?”

Lord Claiborne was silent, his gaze fixed on Lord Houghton, who seemed to shrink under it with every passing second. “In my honest opinion,” he said, “no.” 

You chuckled, relishing that someone finally told off Lord Houghton for his immoral practices. 

Investing in the opium trade to further the dependence of Chinese society and poisoning the people with the drug commonly known to be addictive was a despicable practice, only employed for economic gain and to flaunt British power over the crumbling Qing Dynasty and its emperor.

You took a glass of sherry from the table, passing it to Lord Claiborne in silent support.

He accepted gratefully, shooting you a kind smile. 

“And if I may add,” he continued, cutting off Lord Houghton’s stuttering, ”previous developments show Chinese opposition and their resentment towards our involvement and — quite frankly — our best efforts towards the destruction of their culture and traditions. It seems to me only a matter of time before they justly rise to fight for their country and, if my connections are to be believed, some groups have already formed to fight the missionaries. In the end, do you believethe dying Dynasty will take our side so we can continue to exploit them? Do you think the emperor will fight his own people and their demand for sovereignty? You cannot be so naive.”

Lord Houghton paled. He opened his mouth a few times, trying to find words for a retort. Finally, he settled on a chuckle to break the tense silence that had fallen over the circle. 

“Well, history shall tell,” he said, clasping his hands together and making a show of fixing his crooked bowtie. It remained crooked despite his efforts. “I firmly believe the opium trade is a safe investment, and I will continue to advocate for it.” 

His eyes found the figure of Lord Ellingham, returning to the room with disheveled black hair, which he tried to smooth back to no avail. Lord Houghton excused himself to talk to him instead. 

Lord Ellinngham did not look pleased but forced a smile and bore the onslaught of words politely.

“I cannot believe we have let it come to this!” Lady Bingley announced loudly, throwing her hands in the air with emotion. Lady Ogden nodded furiously in agreement, nearly stumbling over her long black dress. They walked to the center of the room unsteadily but with purpose. 

Lady Bingley snatched a full glass of sherry from the table, raising it high and proclaiming dramatically, “I suggest a toast for all the brave, brave souls we have lost on the battlefield. On the battlefields of” — she hiccuped, muttering an apology to the room — “on the battlefield of all the savage wars we have fought.”

“And mostly won,” Lord Houghton chimed, raising his glass. Lord Ellingham rolled his eyes, seizing the moment to slip away from his companion and returning to the secluded area of the fireplace for a moment of respite. “All the more reason for us to quit stalling and get involved in this crisis in Sudan,” Lord Houghton said gravely, taking a large gulp of his drink.

“Spare us,” Lord Remington huffed, shaking his head in displeasure. His monocle fell from his eye, bouncing on the gold chain until it hung loosely from his tailcoat. He did not seem to mind, too busy looking distastefully at Lord Houghton.

“Come now, Henry,” Lady Bingley said, setting down her glass without having drunk a sip. “You cannot tell me that after reading the terrible accounts of how these men were treated, one of them a man of God no less” — she was referring to Father Ohrwalder, who had recently escaped his Mahdist imprisonment as well as Rudolf Carl von Salatin and Reginald Wingate, who had published their experience as prisoners in the raging Mahdist War — “You cannot tell me that after reading all that it is not finally time for us to fight back the Mahdists!”

“Exactly! My thoughts exactly,” Lord Houghton said, nodding energetically. “We cannot continue to stall the issue and leave the Italians to fight alone until they get decimated. Nobody wants a repetition of the Gordon Relief Expedition, I am certain. We need to help our ally Egypt to strike down the Sudan! It is a disgrace that we have not intervened already.” 

He punctuated the last point by punching his fist in the air as if to fight back an invisible enemy. The movement caused his sherry to spill, dripping onto his white dress shirt and running down the glass to stain the carpet of the drawing room. 

“A disgrace,” Lord Remington scoffed, “I will tell you what is a disgrace, Lord Houghley.”

Lord Houghton opened his mouth to correct him but snapped it shut a moment later as Lord Remington continued, overtaken by emotion.

“I lost my son in the Rear Column of that last blasted Equatorial Expedition. They never found his body. I had to bury an empty coffin and listen to my wife’s sobs for weeks as we mourned our lost boy. I never got to watch him grow up properly, fall in love, or take him to that blasted river in Turkey he wanted to visit so much. He was a soft soul, a good boy” — his eyes filled with tears, and he balled his fists to keep them at bay — “he had no business dying before me, you understand? No child has any business dying before their parents!”

You were torn out of your thoughts by a glass set down harshly, a muttered excuse following a moment later in a smooth voice that held a tinge of haste. Turning to look, you caught a glimpse of a shining black tailcoat disappearing behind the door.

“The less we mingle in Africa, the better,” Lord Remington continued, having downed his sherry to compose himself. “And I swear to all that is holy, so help me God, if I ever get my hands on that damned incompetent scoundrel by the name of Stanley, I will smother him with my bare hands with God as my witness, I swear!” He fixed his monocle, making his glare at Lord Houghton appear all the more threatening. “Do not dare talk to me of military intervention, sir.”

A tense silence followed until the pianist continued her piece hesitatingly, stumbling over the first notes and losing the rhythm throughout her playing. 

Lord Remington turned his back to Lord Houghton, stalking towards a different circle of people and leaving him speechless for the second time that evening. He got over his shock gradually, looking around to find Lord Ellingham’s hiding place and resuming his conversation, much to the latter's barely concealed dismay. Lady Bingley downed her sherry, missing the weight of the conversation and cheerfully arguing with Lady Ogden again while continuing their drinking. 

You watched as Lord Beckwith stepped through the door, his green vest wrinkled with the top button missing. His hair was fixed haphazardly, and you tilted your head as he walked up to you with a smile. “Have you been enjoying the evening?” you asked, giving him a knowing look. 

He cleared his throat bashfully, changing the topic of conversation. 

“We have not had the pleasure to talk more in-depth,” he said, picking up a glass and eyeing it in disappointment. “I hate sherry,” he whispered, taking a sip anyway. “But I will take what I’m given. You know, I have an acquaintance in Paris. He wrote to me, touched by your pieces in the exhibition in early spring — I forget the name. The painting our mutual friend Lord Ellingham mentioned,” he said, glancing at the man and losing his train of thought as their eyes met.

He cleared his throat, his gaze returning to you.  

“The painting he mentioned of the House of Parliament, with clouds of smog clinging to it like clouds to a mountain — it is my favorite of yours.”

“It is the only time I attempted pure realism.”

“Yes,” he said, appearing deep in thought as if he was viewing the depicted scenery in his mind’s eye. “It is fitting for such a scene. Sometimes the things right in front of our eyes carry the most weight as they are. Did you have a particular sentiment in mind when painting it?”

You did when you had painted it in Paris, going off of sketches you had made while still in London. It was the very essence of the schism in society, showing the rift between the luxury and lavish life behind the walls of the Gothic construct while the slumps were overflowing with the starving and the sick. It was the division between the working class, poisoned and ground into nothing by the ceaseless labor they were forced to succumb to for their survival, and the upper classes of society, which lived comfortably off of it. 

It was a scene that would have made Marx weep or fueled him to anger enough to seek out Engels and write another manifesto to address this injustice.

You swirled your glass, watching the sherry slosh around. “A good artist never comments on their work,” you said, raising your eyes to watch the corner of his lips twist up in mock displeasure. “Art should speak for itself. I refuse to elaborate on my pieces. They remain up for interpretation.”

“Pity,” he said, taking another sip of his drink. He nodded towards Lord Ellington, adding softly, “I better save him from Lord Houghton. It is good to have you back.” He clasped you on the back before walking towards the duo.

You turned to retrieve Lord Claiborne’s half-empty glass, finding your way into the garden of the Alderton estate. He stood with his back to the mansion, only faintly illuminated by the gentle glow of the moonlight as he looked up at the sky. 

An atmosphere of heavy contemplation and melancholy surrounded the lone figure outside, the quietness only broken by the chirping of crickets. It was a welcome break from the endless chatter inside, the leaves rustling in the wind a more refreshing ceaseless talk. You walked up to him, catching his sidelong glance. 

It felt wrong to disturb the peace stretching out in the moonlight, but your curiosity got the better of you. “Did you serve?” you asked, offering him the drink he had set down abruptly.

He took it without comment, turning his eyes back toward the third-quarter moon lighting up the sky. The heaviness in the air around him did not let up, and you suddenly felt foolish to have asked.

An untold story danced in the tense silence, and you turned to observe Lord Claiborne more closely, now intrigued with the mystery clinging to him like tar. 

His sharp features were softened in the moonlight. The whiteness of his hair was dimmed to a gray. The sharp eyes that had stared down Lord Houghton and stolen your breath in the drawing room looked almost soft now as he gazed at the sky, lost in thoughts. 

You had never felt pulled towards a person by their eyes alone, but the gravity of Lord Claiborne’s gaze had nearly put you into a trance, sparking your curiosity and intriguing you with a glance. 

“Don’t you know it is impolite to stare?” Lord Claiborne said, his eyes never leaving the moon.

“Pardon,” you said quickly, snapping your head to look at the sky as well. You swallowed your embarrassment for allowing your eyes to linger on his features, changing the subject. “It was admirable of you to call Lord Houghton out earlier. I have been longing for it all evening.”

He sighed, sipping on his sherry. “I have found wars fought based on religious differences the most detestable invention of humankind to date,” he said simply. Reaching inside his breast pocket, he pulled out a small box of cigarettes and offered them to you.

You fished one out carefully, lighting it with the match he struck. “That is a crude oversimplification of British intervention in China,” you said, puffing out smoke and giving a low hum at the rich taste of the tobacco. Turkish, no doubt. “I thought cigars were in fashion?”

“I do not follow fashion,” he scoffed, taking a drag from the cigarette he lit for himself. “Intolerance is the basis of these conflicts, and I don't much care for it. But tell me” — he turned to face you fully, his heavy gaze settling on you and seemingly making out your features perfectly in the dim lighting — “I would have thought conversation in Paris revolved more around the arts? Especially in the circles you frequent.” 

“It certainly does,” you said, waving a hand dismissively, the smoke of your cigarette dancing in the air. “I have been continuously stuck in long-winded debates whether to go to concerts at the Société de Musique, to appreciate the more classical French style, or join those in the Société des nouveaux concerts, to pay my expected respects to Wagner.”

“Which one do you frequent most, then?” 

“Neither,” you said, finishing your drink. “I am not one for fashion myself. I prefer the Académie Nationale de Musique. There was an excellent opera I saw recently, Ascanio, a marvelous work of art. It inspired a piece of mine, which I long to finish upon my return.”

He hummed, exhaling another lungful of smoke. “While you’re here in England, might it be too forward of me to request your services?” He continued only when you nodded at him. “I have been meaning to get my portrait done, and with an artist as renowned as you in town, it would be folly to pass up the opportunity for it to be by your hand.”

You were taken aback, letting the cigarette fall from your fingers. “By me?” you asked in surprise, grinding it into the ground with the heel of your boot. “I do not exactly specialize in portraits, my Lord. Have you taken a look at my portfolio? I would hate for you to be dissatisfied with my work.” 

“Your reputation precedes you,” he said, amusement coloring his tone. “Besides, numerous works of yours have been featured in The Art Journal. I have seen plenty.” He finished his drink, eyeing you over the rim of the glass. “You have the air of a Byronic hero,” he said, “do you resent your art?”

“Not at all. My work is the very thing that gives life meaning.”

“A very cheerless existence.”

“I get by.”

“Will you do my portrait, then?”

“Very well,” you said, offering your hand to him. “I would be delighted.”

Lord Claiborne grasped it firmly, shaking it once. “Excellent,” he said, “I shall send a carriage to pick you up tomorrow morning and bring you to my estate in the country if that is no issue. I never stay in the city for long.”

“Oh, certainly,” you exclaimed, not suppressing your pleased smile at the prospect of leaving the city to escape to the countryside. “I am very much looking forward to it,” you said earnestly, delighted to exchange the darkness here in London for the peaceful green of nature.

“As am I,” he chuckled. “I will be expecting you impatiently.” He glanced at the mansion in a silent goodbye, setting his glass down on the ground. “Have a good evening,” he said, beginning to walk into the night. He stopped, turning towards you with an elegant twist. “We have not had the pleasure of a proper introduction, I believe,” he said, inclining his head at you in a bow. “Lord Xanthus Claiborne, at your service, my portraitist.”

Once he was out of view, you took a look around, bending down to pick up the cigarette stump and his empty glass. You walked to the front of the manor where the rubbish of the Aldertons waited to be collected, flicking the stump into the receptacle with the rest of the rubbish. Gazing up at the sky, you smiled faintly when your eyes settled on Libra.

The soiree had descended into near-full chaos by the time you stepped back inside, returning both empty glasses to the plundered table of beverages. 

Lady Bingley was slumped in an armchair, talking with half-lidded eyes as Lady Ogden hung onto her every word. Lord Spalding kept glancing over the shoulder of the gentleman he was conversing with and shooting envious glances in your direction.

You were perplexed for a moment until you turned around, seeing Lady Spalding nearly sprawled out on the piano and trying to make conversation with the pianist, who looked both torn and miserable as she tried to be polite in her replies and keep playing simultaneously. 

“Never! You cannot be serious!” Theodore bellowed, appalled at whatever Lord Ellingham had just proposed. It took one glance at his flushed face for you to realize that he must have had a bit too much to drink. “Byron? Seriously? You cannot compare the genius of Ovid to the bleak melodrama of Byron!”

“Bleak?” Lord Ellingham asked incredulously. “Clearly you have not read Byron properly—”

“Béraud le plus jeune,” Lady Laureen Alderton called to you. 

She tore your attention from the literary discussion, keeping you from intervening to defend your brother’s stance and slowly nudging him towards the carriage. 

Wrapping an arm around your waist, Lady Alderton guided you towards a quieter place in the room. “I hope the evening was to your satisfaction despite the symposium that is unavoidable with these ladies.” She nodded towards the armchairs. 

“Very,” you replied, the empty praise of the soiree dying on your tongue as her arm tightened around your waist. “Is something the matter, Lady Alderton?”

She wetted her lips, glancing out the window to survey the grounds drenched in blackness. “I have seen Lord Claiborne has taken an interest in you,” she said, her voice low. “I must warn you. He is a peculiar character. Be careful with him. Be cautious.”

You frowned. “The both of you seem to get along quite well,” you said, unused to the dry gravity in her tone. “I can handle him.” 

It was unlike Laureen to utter warnings, and almost unheard of for her to mean them, but something in the cadence of her voice, her intense gaze, and the tight grip on your waist conveyed to you that she broke the character she played in the drawing room for her own entertainment to tell you something of grave importance.

Still, that did not mean you were ready to take it to heart.

You glanced around the room, trying to find an excuse to leave the conversation and collect Theodore so you might call it a night. The evening had been eventful, but it wore you down quicker than you had expected, and if you were to leave for Lord Claiborne’s estate in the morning, you wanted to catch at least a few hours of proper rest beforehand. 

“Pardon me, I believe my brother is calling—” you lied. Laureen disregarded your attempts to escape, pulling you into the semi-privacy of the hallway. 

The guests’ voices turned muffled. The only thing you heard distinctly were Laureen’s sharp intakes of breath.

She looked threatening in the dim light of the two shining incandescent light bulbs of the hallway, which the Ladies boasted had been installed by Joseph Swan himself.

Her wide eyes gleamed, catching the light. With flaring nostrils, she pushed you into the wall, not hard enough to hurt but with enough force to leave you winded. 

“Listen to me,” she hissed, leaning closer as if to confess a secret. You swallowed, taken aback by the harshness of her gestures and the fierceness behind her words. 

Laureen was not known for her sincerity. She was distant and aloof, disingenuously so — still, you supposed a lot could have changed in the years you had been gone.

Seeing her like this, pinning you into place both with her tight grip and the intensity of her stare, made you a little afraid. 

There was something akin to fear twinkling in her eyes as well, and the long shadows cast on her face by the electric light only furthered your unease.

“Listen!” she hissed, “Lord Claiborne is dangerous. He is ruthless, cunning, selfish— He does not care for anything, for anyone. He takes, do you understand? Takes!” Her grip tightened. Her gaze searched yours, willing you to understand. “My friend, be cautious with him. He takes souls. He takes lives, believe me. If he is not the devil himself, he has made a pact with him!” 

She shuddered, releasing you to step back and make the sign of the cross. You looked at her in bewilderment. 

“Be careful with him,” she whispered, giving you another warning glance that made you stiffen, expecting her to back you into a wall and shake you again. 

“I will,” you said to appease her, pushing yourself off the wall and putting some distance between you.

Brushing down your clothes, you pretended the conversation had been another nicety of the evening and not an unsettlingly eerie warning that left you rattled and confused.

Laureen shook her head, a suffocating sadness in her eyes as she saw through your lie. She lit a cigarette, gazing at you with disappointment and pity. “I’ve warned you,” she said.

Annotations // II. The Dead Travel Fast

[stupidcanofpeaches]

okay. okay okay. so i just finished s1 of shadow and bone and started s2 (tho so far im only one episode in). and what can i say except im really into it? and also i now have a lot of feelings. 

first of all i appreciate alina and mal being young and also naturally a bit naive but also not stupid? when they accused each other of not sending or reading the letters and then just, you know, talked and hugged it out instead of drawing out the drama? really neat. i love it. love seeing some healthy understanding. babies. and can i just say how graciously mal accepted the fact that alina was very obviously isolated and manipulated and didn’t blame her for it one bit? yeah. that hit me in the feels when i did not expect it bc frankly i mostly started watching it after seeing some unhinged kaz gifs. 

and, uhhh. kaz. ouch and also wow. he’s now my son who has 72 mental illnesses and is banned from most public spaces. my man has committed murder fraud burglary and probably arson and looks like he hasn’t had a minute of good sleep in about at least seven years give or take a few months. he’s a badass he’s canonically disabled he’s a criminal he’s a poor little meow meow he’s a bastard he’s a traumatized kid in a neat little hat. love him. he needs all the hugs and can’t get one. 

and can i just say that inej is so goddamn pretty? bc she is. knife wife. not to take away from her character and her own trauma. she’s badass before everything else. her killing the inferni that was about to fry kaz? breathtaking beautiful amazing. and yeah i can’t shut up about kaz but showing on screen that the cane is not just for show and cool points but a legitimate walking aid for him that he experiences chronic pain without is so. good. chef’s kiss. the way their relationship progresses hnnnngg. i believe in you. i’m not leaving you. good god. please let them just hold hands. 

also. nina and matthias broke my heart. crying screaming throwing up. why couldn’t they get a happy ending. it was either court marshal for matthias or for nina and hell they looked so fucking happy and content eating waffles that for a moment i forgot their countries were actively at war. why. i choose to believe that in my head they’re together and free. nina’s banter with matthias was super sweet and you can see the moment it changes from hostile and acerbic to genuinely playful and this is tearing my heart out all over again. 

also genya totally deserved better.

[xberylliumoxide]

LIGHTNING ROUND: OC Summary!

Gonna do a quick summary for all my ocs other than the two ive already done!

Robin

Full Name: Robin Feline Fursyth (Feline is pronounce Fuh-leen) Pronouns: she/her Sexuality: Asexual Gender: Nonbinary Height: 5'5" She's Brutus' childhood best friend, right hand man, and adoptive sister. She doesn't speak; she was born with a severe stutter. As a child she was never allowed to learn sign language and her father tied her hands as a punishment when she chose not to speak. She was kicked out at 12 when she met Brutus, who was also living on the streets at the time. She essentially functions as Brutus' personal first aid giver. Relationships: Brutus (brother), Alex (friend), Murray (friend), Noah (friend) Interests: First Aid, Stargazing, Knitting Fear(s): Handcuffs

Noah

(sorry this is the dumbest possible image to use lmao) Full Name: Noah Andeerson Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: Gay Gender: Cis Man Height: 6'2" Brutus' boyfriend and later husband. He was born and raised in Buckstone, a deep south-type town, a few miles away from Toontown and came to Toontown to get away from his homophobic family. He met Brutus—who had a massive crush since the moment he saw him—his first day there and he showed him around. He's very repressed because of his roots. Shortly after showing up in Toontown, he had to go back home to take care of his mother because his father died. He had finally been able to be himself and it was ripped away from him, and he got very depressed. He finally came back to Toontown after a suicide attempt Brutus managed to stop that gave him asthma. He idolizes his brother Zeke and is close with Gabe because they shared a room growing up. He eventually comes out to both of them and they accept him. His mom comes around eventually too. Luke always bullied him growing up and never accepts him. He also has a slight lisp which is irrelevant but cute. Relationships: Brutus (husband), Robin (close friend), Alex (friend), Luke, Zeke, and Gabe (brothers) Interests: Stargazing, Exploring his Sexuality, soft pop emo Fear(s): Losing his family

Noah's Brothers (aside)

the crossed out names are their old names before i decided to change them to be more biblical :}

Murray

Full Name: Murray (i dont have a last name for him), later Rose Pronouns: formerly he/him, later any Sexuality: Straight-ish (later pansexual) Gender: Genderfluid (identifies as cis for a large portion of life) Height: 5'9" Murray was in an accident as a teenager with a faulty cog that caused him to lose most of his ear, some of his hearing, and causing damage to his left leg. His knee randomly gives out and he sometimes falls down, so he walks with a cane most of the time and occasionally uses a wheelchair. Later on the damage progresses and he has to have his leg amputated, hence the prosthesis in the drawing. He is a very affectionate, high-energy optimist with mom-friend energy. They are very good at gentle parenting techniques and helps Alex keep their temper under control. In return, Alex helps him with his chronic pain and mobility issues. He believes himself to be straight, but stays with Alex after they come out to him as trans and later comes out as nonbinary themself (they use both Murray and Rose interchangeably) They grew up with two moms who support him and Alex both emotionally and financially which is why the two most disabled of my ocs have the best house Interest(s): Flower Crown Weaving

Maura

Full Name: Maura Mullins Pronouns: she/her Sexuality: Bisexual Gender: Butch woman Height: 5'11" She originally started as a Sim, but I liked her and her wife so I wanted to make them into Toons. She was involved in the mob with Brutus, which is where they met. That's kinda it. Relationships: Brutus (ex), Melanie (wife)

Melanie

Full Name: Melanie Mullins Pronouns: she/her Sexuality: Lesbian Gender: Cis Woman Height: idk i havent bothered to give her one She was in a band with Alex a while back and they briefly dated. that's it basically

Here's the video where Maura and Melanie were designed btw :)

I'm gonna do one more I think with Fite&co and Lil Oldman

[jozzysabbath]

OZZY OSBOURNE announces his retirement from the stage

February 1, 2023

Two years ago, the iconic Ozzy Osbourne told the British newspaper Daily Mirror that he would never retire. "Do you know the time when I will retire? When I can hear them closing the lid on my coffin! Then, fuck it. I'll do an encore!" he emphasized. "I am the Prince of Darkness," he added at the time. However, unfortunately the Madman was forced to change his plans due to the current conditions of his health. In the early hours of this Wednesday (01), through his social networks, Ozzy announced his retirement from the stage:

"This is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to share with my loyal fans," Ozzy lamented in the caption of his announcement, which reads:

"As you all may know, four years ago this (same) month, I had a major accident where I damaged my spine.

My only purpose during that time was to get back on stage. My singing voice is fine. However, after three operations, stem cell treatments, endless physical therapy sessions, and most recently the innovative Cybernetic Treatment (HAL), my body is still physically weak.

Honestly, I am humbled by the way you have patiently held your tickets for all this time, but in good conscience, I now realize that I am not physically able to make my upcoming European/British tour dates, as I know I could not handle the necessary travel. Believe me when I say that the thought of disappointing my fans really fucks me up more than you will ever know.

I never would have imagined that my touring days would have ended this way. My team is currently getting ideas of where I can perform without having to travel from city to city and country to country.

I want to thank my family, my band, my staff, my longtime friends, Judas Priest, and of course my fans for their endless dedication, loyalty and support, and for giving me the life I never dreamed I would have. I love you all.

Recently, Ozzy spoke in an interview on SiriusXM Ozzy's Boneyard about how terrible it has been living with the pain in his spine: "It's really horrible what's happening. It's a nightmare. Sometimes I forget. I'm lying on the couch, I go to get up and I can't. My sense of balance is all over the place. My sense of balance is all over the place. I have physical therapy and am trying to do things on my own. The progress is... Fucking hell, you have no idea," lamented the Madman, who currently walks by leaning on a cane. "The thing is, my head is fine, my creativity is fine, my singing is fine, but I just can't walk much right now," he said. "But I'm determined to be back on stage, even if I'm nailing it to a board with wheels on it.

In this interview Ozzy still seemed excited and confident about the possibility of getting back on stage: "I still have a full tank. I'm determined to get back on stage again. I'm still recovering and I have a goal. And my goal is to get back on stage. It is the driving force in me. I miss my audience. I miss doing shows. I miss my crew. I miss my band. I miss the whole thing," he added. "My family has been very good. I'm the man of the house, but I've never been so bedridden in my life," he concluded.

As is well known, Ozzy is living with Parkinson's Disease, but in addition he has been dealing with problems with his vertebrae, something that forced him to undergo a series of surgeries in the second half of 2022. According to Sharon Osbourne, his wife and manager, the surgery would determine "what his life will be like from now on. Ozzy Osbourne's health has been in trouble since 2003, when the legendary original Black Sabbath singer crashed his quad while touring his mansion in London.

Unfortunately, by greater forces, we are witnessing the end of an era. The closing of one of the most important and pioneering chapters in the history of heavy metal. One of the fathers of heavy music, Ozzy Osbourne gave us the gift of his work with Black Sabbath and continued with a beautiful solo career. Like the warrior that he is, he still worked hard to release two last studio albums, Ordinary Man (2020) and Patient Number 9 (2022). Although it is clear that the Madman is no longer able to travel, we hope that he will at least be able, if possible, to continue releasing new music, because it will be hard to live with his absence from the music scene. However, if Patient Number 9 was really the last album of the Prince of Darkness, we can only thank and applaud him for all his contributions to heavy metal. Thanks for everything Ozzy...❤

[crowandtalbot]

Please try to imagine getting an apartment on your own, when you can't legally have a bank account

I really need people to understand, I'm 30. My mother was 17 when women gained the ability to have their own bank account without a man

Her first husband was a race car enthusiast. Despite having money to work on his pet projects, she was stealing baby formula to keep my older sister and brother alive. And she was not a stay at home mother, she was paying for food and bills for a family of 4 on her nursing salary.

She had developed breasts very early, and they were so large that her bras were causing her shoulders to separate from the weight. When she got a breast reduction, the surgeon insisted that she had to have implants (still less than what she started with) to fill out the skin. When she was still healing, that first husband decided he was gonna pick fights to hide that he was shacked up with a second family. He punched her so hard he knocked one of the implants under her arm. The damage was so bad the surgeon just took the implants out and she has never since been able to find a bra that her basically all skin bust doesn't fall out of. This was all before I was born in her 30's. If you want to math that she's 67 now.

When she was able to divorce him, because of the physical abuse, the judge decided to award her nothing in the settlement. This was Yuma. Everyone knew each other. She babysat him when she was in high school. He told everyone afterwards that had decided to stick it to all women in divorce settlements because his wife got everything in his divorce.

Mind you, the other family would often show up at her trailer and harass my older siblings who were like 9, 8, and 6, break her property (one time they stole the steering wheel from her car, smashed the rear view mirrors, and poured sugar in the gas tank), and beat her in front of her kids. One of these times they beat her so badly they broke one of the vertebrae in her spine in half and knocked one of the pieces loose. Not only did that mean her spine is weak, so that vertebrae can pinch nerves going into her legs, but the physical amount of stress caused her pancreas to fail. My whole life, she was walked with a cane and had very difficult to manage diabetes.

But to prove the case was improperly handled, she needed money. She had already lost her nursing job, because she couldn't lift patients anymore. And she had, at that point 3 kids to provide for.

In the custody battle, the prevailing thought was that children need their father. Other men in her life had to go to the court on behalf of my two sisters and brother, and insist that the other family was regularly beating my siblings, not feeding them, and forcing them to sleep outside. My mother knew they were being abused, but she was called a hysterical woman who just wanted to ruin her ex-husband's reputation.

Not being able to be financially independent means you are uniquely vulnerable to very, very serious, life changing abuse. She was lucky to be able have her own bank account when she became an adult. But in the 80's, she was absolutely discriminated against for being a woman, barring her from building a career to rely on, not to mention being the sole care taker of my older siblings their whole lives.

It's great if house wife life works. It's great if house husband life works. But you truly do not understand how bad it could be, without the benefit of rarity, and that is Explicitly because of the second wave feminists fight for the right to be financially independent and work in any position (also labor law issue there). Unfortunately they had to do it by proving women could do it all, because, as I said, it was that bad. It was not their fault they only had the foundations of the men and women that came before them without already having all the progress they themselves had to manifest. If society is still torture, we are supposed to build on the foundations left us, so our kids have the opportunity to get lectured like this because they can't conceive of how bad it was.

Not just about feminism, but even in my own life I've seen such a promising shift that has people not able to understand how bad it was for LGBTQ+ when I was a kid. And that's a good thing, I just wish it didn't mean entire generations can willingly backflip perfectly onto hotwheels that they ride into policy and social norms that predate even me.

This is the frustrating part of Feminism and worker's rights and civil rights: every time there's a little bit of progress people assume it will snowball with no additional work, much less care. So much progress is undone to reassert the hierarchy and then wiped from the history books. People have to relive the worst abuses to realize that actually there's a problem, and then rebuild from practically square 1 just to get stopped again when the problems get made into something tolerable.

Expanding a bit on the post I just reblogged, I absolutely HATE how a surprisingly large portion of the population now thinks that feminism is synonymous with being a "girlboss". The idea that working some kind of professional job and being successful at it is the only way to do feminism is insane. People will literally say "feminism has failed us" or "I'm giving up on feminism" when they're unhappy with their jobs. Babes idk how to explain this to you but that is not a problem with feminism that is a problem with your job. You don't need a rich man to provide for you while you take care of the kids you need a goddamn union and some paid leave

[starwarskawaii]

You know, as a woman with fibromyalgia, PMDD, autism, ADHD, possible endo, a vagina that doesn't work right(long and annoying story), severe anxiety and depression, and probably other things that I forgot because most of these things cause brain fog and memory loss, I feel discouraged. A lot.

I grew up in an environment where it was always the wife. The wife did so much work to show appreciation for her spouse. That wasn't even really how my parents worked, but it was what I saw. I was supposed to be superwoman. And I failed.

I got to college and suddenly my cyberschooled body that almost never left the house had to walk across a campus every day. A small campus, thankfully, but still. It became obvious that what the world demanded of me was impossible. If I hadn't had a friend with fibro, God only knows what would have happened. They helped me finally get a diagnosis, even though it took years (they also helped me realize I was autistic, fun fact).

I have a husband who adores me. But I've never really stopped feeling guilty that he's gotten so much more than he signed up for. The hypermobility(told you I forgot something), the doctors appointments, the everything... Oh. And a brand new life-threatening allergy this year. You know, the usual

I feel so worthless. I *know* I am not. I will be the first to shout from the rooftops that your worth is not defined by what you "contribute." It never will be. My worth is in who I am and in doing what I can for others. But I am unsure if I can ever stop feeling broken. I mean, I *am* broken. That's just a fact. But I'm broken in a different way than my brain tells me. Maybe because a lot of what's broken is in my brain...

I want to feel whole. I want revolutionary treatments and doctors who listen and a good wheelchair and employers who accommodate me and people who understand instead of needing a lesson on disabilities and how eating better and exercising more(which I can't do and also have a job, btw) will not fix me. Every day it feels like there's another glare for supposedly not looking disabled and using a motor cart, or another dumb question of "what did I do to myself" when I use the cane I ALWAYS have accessible because I cane flare at a moment's notice, or being told "I still have my youth" as if my disabilities haven't stolen it from me. I desperately want to feel whole. But every time my disabilities progress, I feel even more broken and fractured. I can't have anything normal. Everything causes me pain. Clothing hurts me, because I have allodynia. My husband hurts me, accidentally, because I have allodynia. I can't even be intimate with him normally. He's patient and wonderful, but I hate that he has to be.

My best friend since I was a teenager, my MOH, my rock in the hardest times, is also disabled. She went through chemo in college. She's a living historian. She's been in a small movie. She does it all. I can't help but compare myself. Me, who barely manages to hold down a job where I sit most of the time. Me, who can't even maintain my relationships. Me, who dropped out of college because I had a breakdown. Me, who feels like she's accomplished nothing, and was always told she'd do so much. She never makes me feel like I am less than her. I do that. She tells me I'm doing great, better than I know. She's right, of course, but it sure doesn't feel like it.

I'm not really sure what the point of writing all this down is. I suppose I hope it will help someone else feel seen. You are seen. You are understood. Even if you feel very alone. I hope your holidays are good. I hope your treatment goes well. I hope things get better, for all of us. I hope more insurance CEOs die

[n03h03y]

entry #07 -

so i forgot to blog for the past few days, but thats a good thing in my head- i was spending so much time enjoying everything that i didnt even think to document it. so, on friday, i dropped my friend off at home and i picked up some photos for scrapbooking. i touched up the scrapbook, and i've got a decent method going right now- i work on all the photos arrangements, then the embellishments, then the writing. im still in phase 1 right now, and the anniversary is in 19 days.

saturday was nice- i had a short 8-12 shift, and i hung out with my wife after, we went to a pumpkin patch and carved them. she put a cigar in the mouth of hers. she has this one jacket she wears that drives me absolutely insane, and she wore it that day. on sunday, we hung out again- we went to a park and walked around. it was so nice and peaceful. it was funny, i picked her up and she sat in my car eating canes in a blanket with the passenger princess tiara on. thats what she wanted me to get my license for. the park was nice, we walked and sat repeatedly, watching the turtles and birds. a toddler came up to us and was watching the turtles. she was so cute. we went home, i accidentally broke curfew.

monday was a nice day as well, the child i babysit for came by my house and asked to ride bikes with me- i just recently got a bike, and i decided sure, why not. it was so much fun you have no idea i love bike riding so much. me and my wife made plans to go bike riding on friday, i cant wait. maybe saturday we'll go to a haunted house. i found out she cancelled plans with her friends to come trick or treat with my cousins, which made me happy. i also worked on the shadowbox.

today, my best friend came over and we got sonic, talked about her new boyfriend, and i showed her my scrapbook progress. all in all, a wonderful day.

[apparitionism]

Monday

I wrote the following brief scenes a while ago as part of a potential story that refused to coalesce. It may yet, someday, but for now this is merely a scrap of unfruited AU narrative; I’m posting only to prove to myself that I’m not completely incapable of doing writing-related things, even if it’s just tidying up generic, trope-y bits of dialogue. I intended Christina, about age seven, to be an important story lever in this, with this Myka and this single-mom Helena as coworkers of some sort (I was thinking insurance, possibly, because risk management has been on my mind). Such fuzziness was part of why the story as such never took off... in any event, it doesn’t matter. Here is what does matter: if you are a U.S. citizen who is able to vote, do it; choose Biden/Harris and every down-ballot Democrat. This HAS TO BE a landslide repudiation of that horrific, corrupt individual and the party that enables him.

Monday

Turning points arrive in their own time.

Myka and Helena were eating lunch together. That in itself was of course not unusual, for they were colleagues and friends. And as colleague-friends, they tended to eat lunch together.

“You seem upset,” Myka noted. Helena was picking at a salad, but differently than she usually picked at her salads. Usually she picked because she was picky and would eat only the most pleasing elements; today she was merely moving salad components from one region of the plate to another.

“I’m not upset.”

“But you seem upset.”

“Well... I have to break an engagement. It’s impolite.”

Being forced into incivility was indeed the kind of thing that would drive Helena to stab, lift, and re-place arugula. “Why do you have to break an engagement?”

“You know Mrs. Carter, the neighbor who usually sits with Christina. She was called out of town. An ill relative. This morning—but I had plans tonight.”

“Could your plans happen at your house instead? Without sitting?”

Helena wrinkled her brow. “It’s a first date. Far too soon to bring a new person into Christina’s life like that.”

A first date. The words punched Myka hard, leaving a queasy burning in their wake. Her analytical side leapt to make sense of this extreme response: It’s the first time you’ve heard Helena say anything about such a thing, so it surprised you. You’ve never liked surprises; ergo, you’re just reacting poorly to being surprised. Because of course Helena would go on a first date, because of course she would want to find someone, someone to be with, and Myka didn’t know why that hadn’t occurred to her before, but she and Helena hadn’t really talked much about relationships, so maybe Helena went on a lot of first and other dates that she hadn’t bothered mentioning to Myka, and maybe that meant their friendship wasn’t as close as Myka had thought, because maybe they really were more colleagues than friends, and... Okay, just stop. Whatever this is, stop. She breathed her way through the aftermath of the punch and said, “I’ll do it, then. Babysit.”

“You will?”

“You were planning to go out. You should go out.”

“You haven’t asked me with whom.”

“That’s probably not my business,” Myka said, because it wasn’t, despite her unexpected, inappropriate impulse to claim it as entirely her business. Just stop.

“Claudia’s new manager in platform development. Claudia described her to me as, and I quote, ‘absolute fire.’ Which I presume is good.”

“So you asked her out.”

“No, she asked me. And I said yes, because... well, is there a reason I shouldn’t?”

Was that intended as bait? But it couldn’t have been. Logicking it out again: Myka had never felt such a weird surge (no, a twitch, it was only a twitch) of possessiveness before; thus Helena couldn’t have identified it so quickly, and with such precision, that she would immediately challenge Myka on the point. Could she? “Of course not,” Myka said. “What time do you want me to show up?”

*

That evening, Myka kept her still-reeling gut at bay by concentrating on Christina, who was delighted to have Myka all to herself. “You and Mom talk about boring things,” she pronounced as soon as her mother left. “Tonight you don’t have to do that!”

No... all Myka had to do was imagine what sorts of non-boring things Helena was talking about with her date who was absolute fire. But she managed not to do too much of that imagining, at least while Christina was awake, while they were building with Legos and renaming her plastic and puffy animals and manipulating slime. This latter was a fad that had, according to Christina, faded some time ago, but she found the texture soothing; she asked Myka, very seriously—as if Myka’s verdict would be the final word on the subject—whether that meant it was okay not to give it up. Myka said that in her experience, truly calming things were few and far between, so she thought it was more than okay. Christina enjoyed the phrase “few and far between.”

Myka was tempted to let Christina stay up late, late and later, but she supposed it wasn’t fair to deprive a child of sleep just to rescue herself from herself.

She fell asleep on the sofa, and that was a blessing; she didn’t have to hear Absolute Fire’s car, didn’t have to think about anything that might be happening in that car. She awoke just as Helena was stepping inside and taking off her coat. Helena turned around and smiled, and Myka struggled to sit up and look alert, saying a sleep-hoarse “sorry” as she did.

“What for? Being asleep at ten at night? That seems reasonable. Ideally I’d have been asleep by now, if I’d been home.”

“It’s only ten?”

“Dinner was short. The fire may be absolute as far as Claudia is concerned, but there were no sparks that I could see. Or feel.”

Thank god, Myka thought, too fervently. Then, Just stop. Aloud, she tried for indifference: “Maybe Claudia should go out with her instead.”

“Maybe she should. Did my own small bit of fire behave herself?”

“She was great. I’m never going to fully appreciate the appeal of slime... but I can report that bath, story, and bed were peaceful. No conflagration.” This news would make Helena happy: meltdowns at bedtime were common. Christina was often fearful of some unspecified something that would happen overnight, and she was never clear on whether it would be a good something or a bad something, just something, of which she would be unaware.

Helena did, in fact, smile her relieved “Christina is fine for tonight” smile. “Did she wear you out completely? Or might you stay for a glass of wine?”

“Weird way for you to end your date. A drink with the babysitter?” Trying to sound normal. Like the friend she was.

“Better than the date. No, that’s too callous. It was fine. But it wasn’t anything.”

Myka had the drink. Just the one, slowly, as they sat and talked about what Christina would have deemed “boring things”... but Helena had two. And a half. She was eyeing the bottle like she might be inclined to head for it again, so Myka said, “I really should go.”

Helena said, “Should you?” Myka wanted (wanted so much) to make of that what she was pretending she didn’t want to make of it, but she determined instead to make nothing of it. No one should make anything of what anyone said when they’d had a couple of drinks at the end of a long week. And at the end of a failed date, she reminded herself, then cringed at the pleasure she took in knowing that it had failed. Whatever this is, stop.

Standing by the front door, Helena gave her a vaguely unsteady half-hug, a clasp of her left arm around Myka’s shoulders. Myka didn’t want to not reciprocate—trying now to act normal, like the friend she was—so she let herself move her own left arm fully around Helena’s waist, allowed herself to rest her hand for just the press of a second on Helena’s hip.

For that press of a second, Myka leaned close and inhaled against the sharp sweet angle of Helena’s cheekbone. For that press of a second, a slide to a kiss was a warm looming certainty; then the second passed, and it was a receding dream. Myka released Helena’s body and said, “I’ll see you Monday.”

*

NOTE: I’d say “TBC,” but since I don’t know whether this will ever function as part of a larger piece, I’ll leave it as a little misfit story-island. You know B&W will find their way to each other; they’re just not quite connecting, in that “this friendship means everything to me and I can’t stand the idea of blowing it” way, on both sides. Anyway I’m not sure who these characters really are, other than coworkers and friends (who clearly need to be something more); plus there’s a gaping hole where a plot should be. Why are these people here? What are they doing? Should any reader care? I have no idea. Again, here is what matters: vote vote vote for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris and Democratic Senate, House, and local candidates.

[ecclais-fouoras]

Falling for someone like you

Chapter 9 ? What a day

Previous chapter here

Tags : fluff and slight smut warning ⚠️

The next day went swiftly, you both had a great time at the mine and then the museum, afterwards you both went out for dinner, in the small restaurant she had spotted before. Wilhemina offered to pay since you had already done so much for her those few days. "I insist baby..you've been amazing and I was the one who suggested it... Let me get this one"

"Okay fine...don't make a habit out of it you know I love to spoil you, my darling" you had responded placing your hand on her cheek. That night you had gone to bed early, exhausted from the day spent. Your lover laid by your side, your arms around her protectively and her leg draped over your body, and fingers upon your collarbones. "Y/n ?"

"Mm ?" "What are we gonna do tomorrow ? I tried to find something to vis..."

"Amusement Park"

"Huh ?"

"Tomorrow that's what we're doing"

"Oh...you do kn..."

"I checked if it was something you could do, and there are many attraction available"; "Good..." She said before yawning. "Oh baby sleep you're tried"

"I don't want this day to end"

"It doesn't have to...in your mind never" You turned slightly, putting your hand around her hip and under her head, and hers went to your neck. Your legs found the spot between hers and the one still on top of your body. On Sunday you woke up a little bit early to pack stuff in the car before traveling to the park, your girlfriend watching the landscape pass by the cars window. Your eyes fixated on the rood and right hand in hers on her thigh. You arrived and went inside. The place was kinda crowded but since Wilhemina couldn't stand for too long waiting wasn't a problem, you could easily enter attraction in another line. "I hate their faces when they see me cut the line" she said growling from anger and you caressed her hair while explaining "Hey baby... You're not cutting line, your simply taking another one. If they don't like it they can try and live all their life in a body that aches like yours. They'll see if taking that line is worth the trouble."

"I guess you're right"

"I am...if they aren't happy about it they can suck my dick"

"OH so they can but you barely let me do it ?" You playfully feigned being offended and slightly pinched her arm. "That's not even true.."

"It is. Whenever I wanna do it you don't pack"

"Well I'm not going to pack every single day love"

"Well at least some of them baby"

You giggled and subconsciously started walking towards a small Russian mountain.

"Are you up for that mina ?"

"Of course. I'm up for anything", "You Sure ? It seems pretty scary". "It's not. Besides if it wear it would say not for people with back problems"

"Okay okay... Well when you throw up just make sure it's not while the wind is in our way."

"Haha very funny"

:read more:

She said as you took her hand and leaded her to the side line, after a few minutes you got in the seats. Wilhemina held your hand a little tighter than usual, so you nuzzled behind her ear and told her she was more than safe with you. She relaxed a bit and then screams and squeals of joy were the only thing that could be heard. You both moved throughout the park, doing things left and right, pointing at beautiful landscape and designs. You stopped at a flying swing and encouraged wilhemina to come with you and do it together. But she didn't seam to keened on it. Even as you took her hand and tugged her towards it she held her ground. The mushroom tower started to rise and everyone started cheering as the chair flew around in circles and people moved in their chairs."Look it's fun honey" "It's for kids."..."No. It's not. Watch there are plenty of adults her and besides it didn't bother you in the flying elephants."

"That was different"

"Absolutely not, look if it's because you don't stand the movements it's okay, but at least tell me"

"I do stand it" you went closer to her, your hands on her hips as you kissed her cheeks "Babe tell me what the real problem is, no bullshit please"

"I don't have. Anywhere to put my cane in there."

"Well we can leave it in the entrance"

"I'd rather not"

"Why, you don't need it during the ride, and I'll get it for you at the end baby"

"Who knows what will happen during the ride. I don't want to find it broken, not only because you gifted it to me, but because it is my life, I refuse to let it be broken or lost by those incompetent people"

"Hey..hey no need to insult anyone here, baby I know that, but just like when you go to bed you leave it to the side, you can let them take care of it"

"I..."

"Baby I promise nothing bad will happen"

"How can you do that"

"I'll make sure it doesn't, do you trust me ?"

"Of course I trust you. I just don't trust anybody else"

"But you learned how to trust me, so maybe you can try and give a little trust to that"

"Fine. One session"

"Yay ! I promise you'll love it" You said as you both went to it, and as soon as wilhemina was sited you went up to the people managing the attraction and asked them to keep her cane during the ride.

"Oh and by the way. If anything happens to it. Even the slightest impact, i will make sure you all lose your job, and ruin your reputation so much no one will go to a park that is unacceptable with disabled people."

"..we..yes. well, we will take good care of it"

"You better do." You went back and sat just next to Wilhemina on the double sided chair. "Did you te..."

"It's okay baby. They'll handle it carefully"

"Oh okay..." The swing raised above the floor, and progressively your feets hanged down as they stopped touching ground and The ride began. the wind hit your face faster and faster and you both smiled and yelled as it spined. Wilhemina had to keep her hand on her skirt so it didn't lift up and give everyone else a great view and you giggled. You whispered in her ear as the world around you kept turning and turning. "Don't traumatize these children and get arrested for public nudity I'd hate to have to get you out of jail and runaway together..."

"Is it weird of it actually sounds good"

"Depends on which part"

"The last bit you fool"

"Well my anxiety could never...but keep dreaming darling" You both laughed and held hands as the chairs were turning even faster. At one point the air was to rapid through her hair and it detached her hairdo, you Heard her groan as her hair moved everywhere including her face while she looked at you. "Oh come on why"

"It's fine mina just let it go"

"It's a good thing this was not a wig"

You laughed again as You pushed the hair out of her face and saw her eyes shining with joy, you don't think you ever saw her so happy your whole life, and you thought maybe she never has been.

"I love you y/n"

She said as her hair flew behind her like a beautiful main. You couldn't help but put your hands around her face and bring her for a kiss. Your lips lingered on hers for a while, hands stoking her cheek and breathing linked and she pulled away questioning. "Why the kiss?"

"I just couldn't not kiss you right then"

"But in front of all these people ? Children"

"They won't die because I kissed the woman I love. They've seen people kiss before, they'll be fine"

"But the people here ?"

"I don't give a single fuck about them, I love you and they better get over it."

"I love you too" You enjoyed the rest of the ride, and after you got down you went to get wilhemina's cane for her, and as it took a little longer before she got out of it like the rest you heard someone tell her to get off the swing because people were waiting. You immediately turned around and went up to him, her stepped back a little "What did you just say ?"

"I..i said that this bitch needs to get off of the swing or learn to leave others their turn"

"You better shut the fuck up now, or else you really aren't going to enjoy the ride with a broken nose and bleeding face."

"Is that a threat ?"

"No it's a promise."

"It's unacceptable she ne.."

"And you need to stick your patience up your ass and fuck off. She'd be out of there in a second if you were able to keep your fucking mouth shut, now I bet you don't have any one in your life who has a disability except you because you are clearly having a stroke so let me tell you this. You say anything offensive to my wife. And I'll have your fucking ass in the floor."

"How dare you ? Telling all this in front of my kids"

"Maybe it'll teach them not to be complete assholes to people. Now your kids didn't say anything you did. So maybe you could thing about that"

"M'am you have to hurry..and keep your distance with the rest of the clients" The bold men tried to respond.

"But...i..i" ."

"we'll be out in a sec.. You. Save it. I honestly don't give a shit about your opinion, I'm not doing this for me, I'm doing it for her. Because if she weren't there I would have already been in jail for beating your ass. I'll say it once. Stay. Away. From. her. And keep your thoughts to your two inches long brain."

You went back to give her her cane and you both left the swings, glaring one last time at the men, who looked like he was about to piss his paints.

"Don't bother him, he's an ass"

"You don't always have to get in trouble for me"

"You're kidding right ? He was practically begging me to tell him off. Besides no one talks to you like this and gets away with it on my watch"

"He looked like a kid cought cheating have to admit watching you It was a little hot." She whispered in your ear

"Happy to oblige" you said as you pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and grazed her cheek. After that she bent forward a little and lifted her arms to try and do her hair back which you knew could hurt her.

"Hey hey no.. leave it" you said as you put your hands on hers.

"Let's sit over here baby"

You said while taking her to a small stair bench.

"Sir over here I'll sit on the one higher.

"Oh okay"

You settled her between your knees and asked for her hair tie.

"Do you really want to put it up again ? You know I love your hair down like this, you look so beautiful"

"I know you do, but it's our thing you know, I don't want it to become banal, I like that you're the only one who sees me like this, it makes it special"

"We have other things that are private darling, just because you go out with your hair down it doesn't mean it's not special anymore. I still get to see you in your nightwear or with a messy tee-shirt and a lazy bun."

"I know but still, I prefer keeping it up please"

"Okay baby no problem, can I put it up how I want ?"

"..fine yes, but no funny business"

"Of course" you said as you kissed her neck. You started sectioning her hair, brushing it through your fingers, huming softly. And you started breading, strands of hair between your hands, one over the other. Starting from up and then going down. Wilhemina relaxing visibly in your embrace, letting her head slightly back.

"Oooooooh, I am not the only traveler, who has not repaid His debt, I've been searching for a trail to follow again take me back to the night we met, and then I can tell myself what the hell am I supposed to do.

I had all and then most of you some and now none of you. Ooh

Take me back to the night we met.

"Here done"

"Can I sea ?"

"Let me just ..there "

"Oh..y/n"

"You don't like it ?"

"No..no i do like it.. it's different than what I'm used to"

"I figured you don't usually bread it because it's probably to painful, so I wanted to do something nice". "I love it y/n"

"You look beautiful"

She blushed softly before you kissed her lips.

Afterwards you were both a little hungry, so you took wilhemina to a candy shop, they sold many things like sugar canes and candy floss

You waited before asking Wilhemina what she wanted, and ordered a pomme d'amour for starters, and decided you would take candy floss to walk.

"It's going to be messy y/n we have to cut in"

"No..baby the whole thing is to bite it at the same time"

"I swear if you get my shirt stained"

"It won't willy"

"Oh you know I hate that nickname"

"That's why I use it willy"

She groaned and you both stood while you held the food.

"On three"

"Wait does that mean we bite on three or after three"

"Oh just bite it on three love"

"One."

"Two" you both said

"Three"

You both took a bite out of the apple, juices covering your taste buds and the sweet sugar envelope cracking.

You giggled with your mouths full  and finished the apple as much as you could, heads turning around to find a good angle and sharing the same space.

You noticed Wilhemina had sugar on her top lip corner.

"Baby you have a little something here"

"Oh..thank you"

She tried getting it off but it wasn't efficient. So you stepped closer.

"Here..let me do it" you said before setting down the rest of the dish and pressing her against you while your hands found her jaw and you kissed her soundly, she moaned a little when you bit her top lip. And grazed it with your tongue. It asked for entrance and Wilhemina granted it to you. You made out together for a little bit before parting a little and just holding each other for a while, pairs of hands around shoulders and hips.

After that you bought the candy floss and started walking around the park once again.

You both picked in each others sticks, exchanging looks, smiles and kisses.

Feeding each other bits every now and then.

After a dozen minutes you had both finished

And you kissed her again, sharing the taste of sugar between each other. Her cane pressed against her and her cheek in your hand.

"Thank you y/n"

"For what ?". "For giving my life purpose"

"Aw baby why do you have to be so damn cute ALL the time"

"I'm serious"

"Me too...and you don't need to thank me, you mean everything to me. Come here."

You said before taking her inside your arms, inhaling her sent and circling your arms around her frame. You pressed kisses in her hair and she place them in your neck.

"I love you so much Wilhemina"

She started to tear up a little bit before sniffling and hiding more inside your body.

"I mean it...baby you don't ever have to cry about that again..for I will hold you till the end of time itself. And in every one of your future life's I'll have you in my heart."

Time passed as you held each others before slowly getting going again.

You arrived at a shooting game, pushed animals were hanging from the walls and ceiling.

"Oh here let me win you something !"

"Oh come on darling these games are money black holes"

"Not if your good at it" she starting turning around and walking away

"Besides it's gun shooting you're not going to be any good at that love you don't own any. Also I think it's quite funny that yo..."

"Here m'am, ya just need to get those target over there to ya win"

"Huhh come on y/n, do you even know what I said"

"Ssh baby I gotta focus"

"Sshh? So you shush me now ?"

You ignored her rambling as your hands settled their positions and you started shooting the first few bullets hitting right on the targets, five bullets later you heard a ringing sound and the guy stunned by your performance started

"Well m'am I'll be honest I wasn't expecting ya to win on the first try. But here ya go, you can pick one of them little stuffed animals"

"Mm I'll have this one for my lady over there "

"Excellent choice...here there ya go ... have a nice day birdies"

You giggled and thanked him as you went up to Wilhemina and gave her the white furry bunny you had won.

"So since you were so supportive I'll just keep it to myself"

"...I'm sorry baby...i just didn't want you to waste your money" "I know"

You said as you handed her the toy, "it's for you baby", "Oh.. really ? Wow it's the first time my lover...well anyone wins me something at a game"

"Looks like I'm your first on lots of things babe"

"Heyy" she responded while jabbing your shoulder "Aww why do you always do that, I think I need to go check it at the hospital."

"Oh don't be A baby y/n"

"Well you're the one standing with a bunny in your arms so who's really the baby huh?" She frowned before she joined you in laughter. You walked hand in hand with her gift under her hand. The sun was starting to set slowly as you both chatted and enjoyed the rest of the day.

"Let's get married"

"...What ?"

"Here let's get married now"

"..y/n ? I don't understand...I'm not sure it's a good idea"

"Chill baby I meant there" you said as you pointed the small church in the middle of the other attractions.

"It says it celebrates unions and marriages, but nothing actually official"

"Oh .."

"So let's get married here darling. Let's have our unofficial official ceremony now"

You said as you led her to the counter

"Wait..."

"It's okay you don't want to"

"No..no I definitely want to, I'm just straddled, and what If they don't celebrate our 'marriage', baby there are no legal obligations here"

"Well I don't care if they don't celebrate 'Our' marriage. I'll find another fake church that does, but we have to try frist right ?"

She nodded and took your hand.

"Hello ladies how May I help you"

You both looked at each other and she smiled.

"We would like to get married." "Alright, are you married irl ?" "Nope"

"I have to inform you this is all outside of any actual legal union, this mariage is only valid here, and in your hearts."

"We know"

"Perfect then. Follow me" You arrived in a room filled with dressed and suits, the man asked if you wanted to pay before or after, you decided to do it now, Wilhemina didn't even notice you did. "I'll let you approximately 30 minutes to choose your formal wear and get dressed, an hour to prepare your vows and will Then accompany the... well brides walk down the aisle"

"If it's easier i don't mind being already there."

"Oh yes good. Anyway, I'll let you change, there are two different Rooms with staff so you don't see each other until marriage"

"Thank you". You both said before picking your outfits and trying on dresses and suits. After some time the man came back and took Wilhemina before letting you know where was the aisle. You waited there with the pastor, who didn't look used to celebrating marriages between women, but who wasn't mad about it. The music started and there was no one else in the church except for the few staff and you both. The doors opened and you saw your girlfriend walk arm in arm with the guy who welcomed you in. She looked ethereal, beautiful you had never seen such beauty before, her hair was in a beautiful hairdo, half down half up, a bunch of colored flowers in her hair and even a purple orange make-up.

She walked gracefully, her dress following her and a veil attached to her flower crown.

"Hey"

"Hey...wow, you...look... amazing...I'm so lucky" she blushed before being handled her cane and replied "Well...I must say You're not so Bad yourself y/n"

"Erm erm.. We are reunited today. To celebrate the union of two beautiful souls, linked together by life. Two hearts beating at the same pace, two bodies sharing one path. We are here, in the evening of this bright full day, to make the two women standing here, married, for better and for worst until death do them apart...If i may have the rings. " He took them and turned to Wilhemina "You will now exchange your vows"

"Oh..lord..sorry. this is the part I'm not going to be good at. But you already know that.

You know every part of me. Every single piece I've yet to discover. You hold them, in your arms. Steady, fierce, protective, bringing me the safe home i could have never hope to have. And yet here you stand. By my side every day. You hold my heart, and you make my sun hang, so bright yet so easy, in my sky. I didn't believe I could ever be liked. And you showed me unconditional love.

I didn't believe I was pretty, you made me feel like the most beautiful goddess in the world. I didn't believe I could feel it, but darling, you are the person I love like I would have never believed such feeling existed.. I am not good at expressing feelings, I find them to abstract, to volatile to be caught by my words. So I chose the ones of someone else that resonated with me so hard I believe them to be our own.

'You belong with me, my love. And I belong with you. We should live life side by side, In everything we do. You belong with me today, For now and ever more. And I belong with you, my dear, The one that I adore. We were meant to be, I know; It’s written in the stars. I love the way we are as one, And everything you are. Just think of all the moments Aligning for us to meet, So once we found each other, We were bound to feel complete. But this part of our story, We’ll sit and write together. Hanging memories on the wall,of the home we’ll share forever. So, both of us are certain. As we each say ‘I do’, That you belong with me, my love, And I belong with you." As she was done and the tears spilled from your eyes the pastor gave her a ring and spoke again.". "Now you will repeat after me as you place the ring on her, -I take you, y/f/n" "I take you y/f/n" ; "—to be my wedded Wife" "To be my wedded Wife"

"— to have and to hold from this day forward"; "To have and to hold from this day forward"

"—for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer''; "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer" ; "—in sickness and in health to love and to cherish,"; "in sickness and in health to love and to cherish,". "—till death do us part"

"Till death do us part"

She said as she finally settled the ring she picked out on you.

"You will now exchange your vows to your bride."

".. Wilhemina, every time I dreamed about love, it was always me finding it, searching, like a lost salior for my beloved boat.But little did I know, love would find me, it would find a way through my heart, in between the cracks of it, sunshine would bring healing. I remember when I first fell in love. The intensity, the warmth, I remember her smile, her hair. I remember how hard I loved. How wrong I may have, probably because of the youth. I remember how much it had hurt. When she was taken away from me. When I could no longer hold her body, when everything from her had immediately and indefinitely turned to dust. I remember how I cursed at the wind, yelled, screamed, cried, abused whatever God had been responsible for it, responsible for this pain love had brought. I swore, I swore to never love ever again. And I tried, I begged for love to leave me alone. I dreamed it would never hurt again. And I remember when I found you, and you found me. How utterly lost we had been. How stupid it was for me to think I would not fall for you.

For your smile.

For your laugh.

For your eyes.

For your tears of joy and sorrow. For every single beat of your heart. How stupid I had been, To think I would never fall again. But the truth is, I spent all these years climbing, to afraid, to hurt, to coward, to actually jump. But the more high you gain The longer and harder the fall. And man, did I fall. And man, how did it feel so terribly perfect to do so. And man, little did I know, you could make me fly. I wasn't scared anymore. It didn't hurt. It was the answer I had been searching for all of my life. The one I didn't know was within me all along, the one you brought to life. It was love, love was the answer. No Our, our love was the answer. I'm so completely and unapologetically in love with you. You, you, you it's always been you. And the stars are watching, they are jealous, and they talk because never in the eternal burn they experience, never did they see souls shine so bright. Our connection goes beyond speaking, you choose words to express what you want to say. I want words to choose how to express what I say.  In truth, we married each other that first night, in bed, we had been married by our bodies, but now we stand in history—what our bodies had said, mouth to mouth, we now said publicly, gathered together.

'I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz, or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:i love you as one loves certain obscure things, secretly, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself, and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose from the earth lives dimly in my body. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you directly without problems or pride: I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love, except in this form in which I am not nor are you, so close that your hand upon my chest is mine, so close that your eyes close with my dreams... We, unaccustomed to courage exiles from delight, live coiled in shells of loneliness, until love leaves its high holy temple and comes into our sight to liberate us into life. Love arrives and in its train come ecstasies, old memories of pleasure, ancient histories of pain. Yet if we are bold, love strikes away the chains of fear from our souls. We are weaned from our timidity, In the flush of love’s light, we dare be brave. And suddenly we see that love costs all we are and will ever be. Yet it is only love, which sets us free.'.. Today i stand here, as i will stand for as long as my fragile body allows me to, perhaps then I will sit, or lay, by your side my dear, always. And love within me blooms, and makes flowers from every cell in me grow. I will choose you over and over again love, I will hold you close, I will give you peace, I will bring you home. In me. In my heart."

"Now, for the ring.."

He gave you the one you'd picked for her, a thick golden string with amethyst, and Carnelian.

"-I take you, Wilhemina venable"

"I take you, Wilhemina venable"

"-to be my wedded Wife"

"To be my wedded Wife"

"- to have and to hold from this day forward"

"To have and to hold from this day forward"

"- for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer

"for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer"

"-in sickness and in health to love and to cherish,"

"in sickness and in health to love and to cherish,

"-till death do us part"

You finally slid the ring on her finger before saying.

"Till death do us part

"Perfect, you may now kiss the bide."

You turned to Wilhemina, picked the veil covering her face, lifted it and placed it backwards before taking she took her face in her hands and yours grabbed her hips, bending her slightly backwards before stealing her lips in the most beautiful and delicious kiss you both had the chance to share, oxygen wasn't even needed as your whole body experienced full Bliss, during the embrace you heard, no felt her mumble 'i love you' to which she know you replied by kissing her harder tumbling a little before parting away, faces close, smiles on both of your lips. You walked down the aisle tightly pressed together her hair darked than usual with the dim candle light. And as you went through the door, bells rang and you felt rice being thrown at you from somewhere you couldn't spot. Eventually you got outside, turned to your wife and spun her around before kissing for what would most definitely not be the last time of the day, body pressed together like it will be during your Wedding night.

When you came back home both of your touch yas tender yet urgent, you took no time to

Set your things, just immediately riding her of her day clothes and coat, slamming the door with your feet and taking her upstairs. Before the bedroom door you lifted her up over the threshold, "tradition is sacred my darling"

"Shut up and just make love to me"

Shortly you were both in your underwear, your body on top of hers, cradling her with kisses and caresses, your lips all over her body.

You began to take her nipple in your mouth and play with the other one, her back arched and she moaned loudly, you were starting to kiss your way down her body but she stopped you.

"I..I..want us to cum...together"

"I can't refuse my baby now"

You dragged down her body before teasing her inner thigh and kissing her clit, making sure she was wet enough, you went up her body again, your hand between her legs stating to work her up. Your own hand finding yourself, toying with your panties before sitting back and touching yourself for her to see. Once you were both ready you aligned both of your centers, and lowered yourself on her. Hearing a moan from both of your throats as the contact was a delightful bliss. Your moans filled the room as you rubbed your clitorises faster, wet sounds coming from the friction. "Uh..uH baby I'm getting close"

"..wait a bit for me.. can you do that ?"

"Uhh..yeah..yeaH" You doubled your efforts and before you knew it she was cumming all over you which triggered your own orgasm. You fell on her body, legs intertwined as your bodies sank into each others. Still catching her breath Wilhemina couldn't stop herself from laughing.

"...We got married...in an amusement park";

"We did baby...".

".....I love you";

"I love you too baby"

A/n: the italic pieces are bits of different poems, I couldn't settle for one, if you think cutting a poem is sacrilegious I'm sorry but I believe that Words and art is ment to be movements, live and change though our experiences of then, pieces of structure that you can use to build. your own.

[primasveraas-writing]

“Kent v The Shitty Knee Itself”- Ted Lasso

A sort-of-sequel to "Kent v Linebacker," but this can still be read on its own. Part 2 of 3 of my fics about Roy Kent's shitty knee.

Part 1 // Accompanying AU

WORDS: 1649

XXX

Roy Kent is old as shit.

His daughter is a fucking toddler. His son is in preschool.

And he has fucking arthritis.

“What the fuck do you mean I’ve got fucking arthritis?” Roy Kent explodes at the doctor, who waits patiently for his outburst to finish. “I’m in my fucking forties! I’ve got two fucking babies at home! What the fuck am I supposed to do when my fucking daughter needs to piss and we’re all sprinting into the bathroom? I can’t fucking potty train on a shit leg.”

His wife rubs his shoulders comfortingly; the news is less surprising to Keeley, who gave a damn when the doctors mentioned arthritis could develop, and who is also extremely endeared by her husband’s priorities, which apparently lie very firmly with teaching their daughter to pee in the toilet.

Roy shouldn’t be shocked either; he’s had a limp for a long time now, and progressively worsening pain. He’s been elevating his leg whenever possible, to the point where Ted pulls chairs up for him or sits down first so Roy doesn’t feel awkward (on good days, Roy scowls at Ted and stays standing, but these occurrences are increasingly few and far between). It’s been a long time coming, and as much as the great Roy Kent hates to admit weakness, his shit knee is getting shittier.

Keeley had forced him to go to the doctor when Roy scooped up both their children, one in each arm, and proceeded to fall on the floor in a heap of small limbs and curses. He again made the case that he was fine, but there’s a limit on how much Tylenol one person can take in a day, and Roy’s exceeded that limit for weeks.

He walks like he’s on a hill, wobbling as he drags his right leg behind him. Keeley remarks on how uneven his gait is, and Lily, his precious fucking baby, demonstrates just how wonky Roy is by limping around too. It makes him laugh, but then his gaze meets Keeley’s, and he realizes there’s not much he can do aside from accept his fate and ask Dr. Patel why his knee is failing him (again, the fucking thing).

Arthritis. Fucking hell.

“The majority of your symptoms can be mitigated by limiting any strain on your leg. This includes walking, lifting, twisting, standing, stairs-”

“-breathing, blinking, fucking doing any shit worthwhile-”

“We can also prescribe medication, but given the amount of pain you reported, I think the best option to look at is a walking assistant.”

“What, like a cane?” Roy snorts. He feels Keeley still behind him, then he looks up at Dr. Patel, who’s gazing back at him, entirely serious.

“A fucking cane.”

“It’ll alleviate the weight on your leg. Ideally, you won’t need it every day, but it’ll make a difference when discomfort gets too high.”

“Fuck no.” Keeley squeezes his shoulder. “Fine. Fucking hell.”

-

It’s an adjustment. Roy walks back to their car, cane-less for the time being, limping, and imagines a cane in his hand. Imagines being able to straighten up, and not going to bed in fucking agony after a long day.

He also imagines showing up to the football club with a cane in his hand and Jaime fucking Tartt the fucking muppet smirking at him with his stupid fucking face, and he wants to turn around and tell Dr. Patel he’ll never use a fucking cane in his fucking life. Then he imagines having a stick to beat Jaime with when he’s being a prick, and Roy grins to himself at the thought.

That’s what he tells Keeley on the way home: he’s on the fence. That there’s a stigma he doesn’t want, that he remembers this the pitiful looks he received after his first injury and after surgery. It’s fucking bullshit, that he’d be looked at differently just because of a fucking rod in his hand, or because his stupid knee is fucked.

“Since when does Roy Kent care about what other people think of him? I mean really,” Keeley tells him, patting his thigh. “Everyone decent won’t bat an eye, and anyone who does is a prat.” She shrugs. “It’s a flawless system, really. Good way to sort people out.”

Roy grunts in agreement and drums his fingers on the door. He sighs, leaning his head back.

“What if I can’t keep up with Lily and Ollie? What the fuck am I supposed to do with little kids?”

“We’ll adapt,” Keeley promises, offering her hand. Roy takes it and presses it to his lips. “They already know they can’t run from you, or bowl into you at full speed-” Roy snorts at this. “-so now we tell ‘em that they gotta be patient.”

“They’re gonna be the most patient kids on the planet,” Roy muses, but his chest feels lighter. His wife is fucking amazing.

“They’re fucking perfect, they are. And besides- they don’t love you cause you can lift them or up throw them around or run around after them.” She squeezes his hand. “They love you ‘cause you’re you, Roy. You’re their dad.”

Roy nods silently. She’s right, as always. His heart is warm, much lighter against his ribs. “Thanks, babe,” he tells her, and Keeley beams at him.

-

They adapt. Roy remains in awe of the resilience of children- Lily and Oliver don’t give a damn that he uses a cane, except they quickly have to delineate that it’s not a toy, so Oliver doesn’t hit anyone with it, and so that Lily doesn’t hit Oliver with it. Because of this, Roy has to be careful not to threaten anyone at Richmond with his cane while his children are around. One day, his kids will learn to do as their dad says, not as he does, but for now, his babies swear and scowl, and pick up on every bad habit Roy shows them. It’s fucking adorable.

The first month is the hardest. Roy and Keeley decide to grant him some grace- he doesn’t have to do shit like garden or mow the lawn, or anything too strenuous. It’s uneven, in the beginning, and Roy goes to bed every night feeling like a shit husband for everything that’s unloaded on Keeley. They fight about it, eventually, and Roy apologizes to Keeley with tears in his eyes. They find a balance, which involves a chair in every room in their house and somebody hired to do the lawn. Their roles have shifted, but it’s a pattern he’s familiar with by now. He’s gone through so many major changes with Keeley: switching careers and marriage and injury and parenthood twice over. And using a cane isn’t any harder than having a newborn and a toddler, so they manage. After all, they’re unstoppable together.

Nobody on the team makes a comment on the cane, except Ted leaves sticky notes on it whenever Roy isn’t paying attention, and Roy wouldn’t mind so much if they weren’t positive fucking affirmations, the corny twat. Then the rest of the team follows suit, and they sign it and put stickers on it and all sorts of supportive shit, and Roy tells only one person this, but he kind of fucking likes it (against his better judgment, of course).

Commentators and the press are not nearly as kind. There’s any number of articles written about him and how old it makes the football world seem. Roy wants to fucking kill all of them, but Keeley reminds him that all the pricks have shown their true colors, and one day he finds a picture of a particularly insensitive reporter that has been utterly defiled and left out in the locker room. Roy tucks this away in a drawer in his office, and he’s almost nicer at practice that day.

Beard and Ted match his slower pace as they walk out to every match, which isn’t subtle even from the offset, but they don’t say anything about it and neither does Roy. He also realizes that he’s never the only one sitting in a group of his friends, even if it’s just him and Ted, or Keeley, or Rebecca, or Nate.

Yoga gets much harder, then he and the yoga moms spend a night researching yoga for people with shit legs, and yoga gets easier again. If they want to do a challenge night, Roy shifts into the role of yoga instructor, which he’s fucking great at, thank you, and so what if he gets to drink more wine because of it.

And his fucking knee feels better. His medication works, but the cane helps the most. Ted and Keeley had told him ever since his initial injury to be kind to himself, to rest when needed, and to not be a stupid stubborn prick about his health. This mindset turns out to have a few merits, and maybe it’s even a good habit he can teach his kids.

It says a lot about him, this cane that accompanies a man in his forties. He needs it because he was a professional footballer who injured himself preventing a goal in one last game. Who needed surgery cause his energetic maniac of a son ran into him. Whose wife told him to use it with pride, because he’s Roy fucking Kent and his family and friends love him so screw everyone else. Whose coach used it as a tool to force positivity onto Roy, whose team and kids decorated it with messages of love and smiley faces and the two worst signatures he’s ever seen (though he credits Oliver and Lily for trying). It’s a symbol of persistence, of the pain he’s endured, of those who rallied behind him.

Roy Kent. Married to Keeley Jones. Father of Oliver and Lily. Coach at Richmond AFC.

And he happens to use a cane.

[autumnslance]

Definitely a work in progress, but after making Moms yesterday, I poked around at the idea of what the Dads may look like. I did not reference any of my own writing or notes, just fiddled around with appearances. They may yet (probably will) change.

Iron Summer is a big guy, quiet and careful because of that. He just wants to farm and live as the elementals say to, and enjoys being a grandfather to his large, unruly brood. Dark most definitely measures men she’s interested in against her father’s example.

Khell the Clanless was a successful Coliseum fighter several years ago, a pugilist of great speed and skill, winning the dancer C’leiha’s attention and heart. Khell was injured in a bout and forced to retire, walking with a limp and on bad days needing a cane. He fell among the rioting crowds during the Calamity when C’oretta was a very young adolescent.

Corran Striker (bottom left) I fiddled with by taking an Ardbert model and adjusting his hair, skin, and eye colors a little bit, as well as adding a mustache and maxing his height. Corran fell for Emelia, a wandering Thavnairian trader and convinced her to stay in his village--but tried his best to protect her and their children from the war. Aeryn has no idea her birth father was a heretic, and the dragon that tore apart their home and was killed by then-Azure Dragoon Ser Alberic was actually Corran. Aeryn remembers mostly favorable impressions of her birth father, and stories Emelia and Zaine told her; she was five years old.

Tanzel (bottom right) is Aeryn’s stepfather, part of the same subculture her mother Emelia comes from. Tanzel and Emelia were actually childhood friends whose adult lives went in different directions, until she suddenly returned from years abroad with two young children and a broken heart. Tanzel had lost his own wife, left with children of his own to look after. Eventually the pair married and merged their families. It took Aeryn time to warm up to Tanzel; she liked him, but was very shy as a child. He’s the one she calls Papa and who she thinks of first when people ask about her father. He’s still in Thavnair, though mostly stays home rather than travel the trade routes across the island these days, leaving that to his children and grandchildren.

[blonde-toddy]

Random and Not So Random thoughts while watching Bridgerton: Season 1, Episode 8

So the finale is here.

And baby do we need some resolutions.

This one is titled "After the Rain"

I hope that's a good thing.

Couples montage then lonely Violet. She was blissfully in love with her husband, that's for sure. 8 facking kids worth.

Yes Simon and Daphne are a love match....but they are ripping my heart out right now.

Why are they being so cold?!?!

Way to reference the ruse Daphne. Ugh.

I'm glad that King Granville is here.

Yes push those assholes together.

That shoulder touch. See, irresistible. They are all about each other.

The very picture of devotion, indeed.

Benny and Eloise!!!!

She's wearimg that ugly neck thing again.

No Benny, she thinks Delacroix is Whistledown.

What?!?! Francesca is coming back.

Oh Marina you still pregnant.

Now you shipping Penelope and Colin. That's not weird or anything seeing as you were ready to trap his ass.

Something is amiss!

For Violet to be so wise with her sons, she's awfully thick when it comes to Daphne. I just don't understand.

Daphne is done done done with Violets advice.

I ain't mad at her.

Aww Portia is trying to finesse her way back in. Violet can't stand her.....

Okay Daphne! Let's just hand out all kinds of forgiveness today.

Oh shit. Sir Crane!

Daphne and Portia are GONE!

Ooooh her beloved is dead dead dead.

Yeah girllllllll. All that time you thought he abandoned you. And he was at war.....shit.

What a pill.

I'm glad Daphne has some kind of friend.

Daphne and Marinas storylines are kind of bizarrely parallel.

Jesus Eloise, wtf!

Awww she's trying to save her friend.

I don't think Delacroix is Whistledown.

Oh this is so uncomfortable.....Benny on the low shit.

That shoulder shrug was cute.

"Lock. The door "

Where you going Daphne....what you doing?

Your Graces.

Awww Daphne is still trying.

Damn Simon if she deserves it, step up and give it to her.

Will and Alice ❤

Aw shit Will took Featheringtons bait.

This can't be good.

The deed to the crib?!

This man is out of his mf mind.

Stop it with Anthony and Sienna already!

Simon knows Will is up to something..........

Oh shit he's still there.

Marina you better marry him.

You a damn fool.

Good luck.....you're missing tf out I think.

Right, Portia, right.

Oh she definitely still pregnant.

What are you looking for Daphne?

Ooooh she found the letters he wrote to his father.

And she's reading the mfs.

Oh man.

Yeah girl. It's fucking awful.

Here we go again with hoe ass Anthony.

Under the bleachers. Okay you freaks.

And Will throws the fight.

Featherington is so full of shit and those bookies know he played them. That is going to go horribly. I guaranfuckingtee it.

Simon knows whats up....but he's in no position to judge ANYBODY right now.

Daphne getting serious insight.

I appreciate the relationship between Daphne and Lady Danbury.

She needs someone to be straight with her.

She's giving that mother-in-law type advice and I love it.

You really out here judging him Simon.

Will fucked up but he's still right! Worry about your wife and your life! What's this really about?!

Oh Portia...don't get too excited.

That shits coming back around.

Breakfast together. Is this progress?

Daphne has a peace about her.

She ain't giving up on her man.

To Bridgerton House they go to see Dear Francesca.

Simon is so charming. He is duplicitous af!

Suddenly everyone is just cool with everything. Okay.

Must be the edibles.

Yes girl, look at your hot husband. He is impressive.

Um. Eloise. I think you're wrong boo.

Everybody doesn't have the advantages you have homie! I'm glad Penelope checks her when she gets on that high horse.

Simon with the kiddos just laying it on thick for my girl Daph. Teasing the fuck out of her.

Even Anthony looks all proud and shit.

Delacroix still finds away to shade Portia and it's hilarious.

He lost her mf dowry.

Yes Marina. The bun is still in the oven.

Hastings house is lavish af!

Gawd that picture.

This is not the end. No. No. No.

I share in the doctors exasperation.

Idk what the fuck has happened to Anthony to turn him on his head like this.

Ok mf! You know what, take Sienna to the ball.

Finally giving her the love she deserves from you.

Oh look at these assholes looking at themselves.

"You wound me."

She's light roasting him again and it's lovely.

Come on my babies. Get it together. Y'all are precious.

Also if I ever marry, I want a regal ass portrait like that.

She wants to dance with her man. Same, girl. I want to, and I want you to, too.

Oh we have classic bantering Simon and Daphne.

Come. On. Already.

Fix it.

Fuck....the way they look at each other.

Welp. Party time.

Noooo not one LAST dance.

Ok Will flexed for his baby.

Simon still looking all judgy. Man you better get your own house in order.

Eloise is a living doll, but she's not here for the fellas just yet....or maybe ladies. Or maybe nothing at all. We'll see with her. Just not yet.

I appreciate the evolution of her and Daphnes relationship.

Aww Mr. Finch.

Portia flexing. "The Duchess extended an invitation, personally." She made sure they knew how connected she was.

They're still roasting her wack ass husband though. But fuck him.

Yep he's fucked.

Wtf does Benny do at these balls?

Awe Colin and Penelope.

Penelope bout to confess.

Well Colin killed that. Like dead in the water.

Ya boy is going to Greece.

Sorry Pen. The confession must wait.

Shes devastated. Hell nah she ain't dancing.

Oh Eloise...now is not the time.

Eloise got all that tea!!!!

Hold up this footman looks cheeky. More of him maybe.

Anthony bout to scoop his lady......SIKE.

Sienna pitting an end to this shit.

Anthony you've let her down one too many times.

And Sienna apparently has no desire to put on airs.

Are you sorry though?

And wtf do you do now?

Toss the flowers. Check.

Aww she saved Whistledown.

What a peach.

Come on assholes. Look at y'all looking at each other.

And he still plans on leaving.

Lady Danbury out here dropping wisdom. Listen, Simon, listen!

I honestly do think it's different for them. I think it's different for everyone.

Oh Daphne, Violet is dropping hot ones this time.

What a fucking pep talk.

And now they dance!!!!!

Its that slo-mo smoldering stare for me.

More rain?!

Daphne letting that shit wash her worries away. Go girl.

I mean y'all are cute but this is Daphne and Simons moment.

Cheers to the cane of Lady Danbury.

Danbury put everyone out. Her matchmaking and scheming never end.

At least Simon stayed in the rain with her.

Look at them.....

She told him bout the letters!!!!

Idk man. This love confession is on par with "I burn for you."

She wants to stay with you and love you every day. Man you have a rider. Y'all have dragged each other through the shits. Y'all need this rain.

But there's this lovely thing called a choice.

You really just gonna let her walk away this time and NOT follow her?!

Fucking hell.

Meanwhile at Featherington house.

Oh fuck.

Lord Featherington is dead. I knew that shit was going to blow up.

Fuck. Poor Portia.

Daphne just chilling.

Oh. Ok. Here comes the Duke.

Oh come on Simon. Yes you do. You know EXACTLY what to do.

Nothing else matters when y'all tangled up in them sheets.

They are just so tender!

Yes! Take it to the bed.

Daphne kissing on Simons neck and wanting to give him pleasure and affection >>>>>>>>

A million times over. Its fucking hot. Look at her honing her skillset.

Ride the mf girl!

Ok then! Flip that ass!!!

Out here long stroking the fuck out of her. Got dang.

Oh now you bout to hit that ecstacy.

Is a "congratulations" or "good job" in order?

These beautiful assholes!!!!

I just love them.

All this build up for Simon to ejaculate inside Daphne....but so worth it.

Awww poor Penelope.....

Eloise is convinced Whistledown is Delacroix.

I do love Portia.

Her and Marina grew to an understanding I think.

Marina girl, I think you're making a wise choice marrying your baby daddys brother. Just saying.

Who tf inheriting the Featherington Estate? And have we met them?

Hyacinth is forever in my heart.

Simon and Daphne got that glowwwwww.

Awwe Anthony is all broken up over Sienna.

Ahh yes Anthony, a loving union is the problem. I'm ready for your drama Hoe.

Aha! I knew Delacroix wasn't Whistledown.

Ooooh Eloise!

And you saved her ass.

Really?!?! Pen?!

I can see it a bit.

Aww Daphne is having a baby!!! She got her wish!!!

Simon looks equal parts terrified and amazed.

Aw yall keeping the alphabetical name tradition. How fucking cute.

But you know what, I'm here for it and I find myself satisfied.

And also thirsty!

That's why I went right back and started the series right over again. Yes I did. And I'm proud of that.

Now I will start the books and obsess about season 2.

What a beautiful much needled ride during these times. I feel alive again.

[goddessofeternity]

Inari’s Den

Chapter 6: Union of Clans

To say I was uncomfortable was a bit of an understatement, but standing in front of the people of a village my family almost razed to the ground, was a bit nerve wracking. I could feel the hate and anger pouring over me. I glanced at Yamaguchi-sama and she just looked even angrier than they did. After our encounter two weeks ago, she refused to be in contact with me again. I understood her anger and I also respected it. My parents were angry that I did not push for more contact, but she deserved the space. Jin wandering around did not make me feel good. My father was not too pleased about it either, but my mother still had no idea about what he had done. I could only wonder how long we could keep it from her. 

A shuffling by side made me turn and smile. Shino-san had decided to stay by my side, but as it would turn out, she was also close friends with Yamaguchi-sama. They had an emotional reunion, but she felt betrayed that Shino-san had stayed with me. The pair did not speak to each other the entire time. I could only guess that they had ended their friendship over it. “Are you alright Shino-san?”

“Ah yes...I should be asking you that Igarashi-sama...I know this is going to be hard.” She smiled gently at me and I sighed as I looked over the angry crowd.

“Yes, but I expected that...I really think you should speak with your family. They will understand if everything you told me about them is true.”

“......” I left her to her thoughts as the current head of the Yamaguchi clan concluded his speech. To try and keep the peace with the clans, I offered to help the people rebuild and figure out ways to help them prosper again. My father thought it was a poor idea and Jin just looked annoyed about the whole thing. My mother was the only one on board with the whole thing, if it kept some peace then it was a good idea. 

“Hey come on…” I looked over as Yamaguchi-sama looked up at me with an annoyed grimace. I had really hoped that I could try and make some sort of progress with her. I knew that certain things could not be changed, but I was hopeful that I could make this work. Love was completely off the table, but if a mutual understanding could be reached, then maybe this would be alright. 

“Yamaguchi-sama I-”

“Stop...you call my parents that...call me by something more distinct. I’m getting sick of hearing it.”

“If that is what you wish…” She looked ready to say something, but she rolled her eyes instead and we walked into the village. Looking over the destruction, my heart twisted as I watched children cling to their mothers, and the elderly shuffled slowly over their ruined homes. I would do what I could to help, but I’m sure they would not take any help from me if they had the choice. They needed more help than my village and people, and my brother was mostly to blame for that. Jin really did have a destructive and violent personality. I would have hoped that he grew out of it eventually, but with everything that had happened I was sure that it would never change.

“Lady Izumi…” She turned quickly to glare at me, but she coughed a bit uncomfortable at her title, before she just folded her arms. “I’m just wondering where you would like me to start?”

“You can help the elderly with their homes...they need the most help right now.” I nodded and left, and I could feel her eyes on my back. The villagers gave me a wide berth of space as I set out to pick up debris and a nearby broom. 

“I’d rather you didn’t “help”.” I looked up as an elderly gentleman leaned against his cane, and his wife stood uneasily behind him. “Your family has done enough of that.”

“I apologize and I am deeply sorry for the damage that my brother caused you. I know that doesn’t mean much in the face of it all, but I am genuine in my actions right now.”

“Tch...you are not fit to marry Izumi-hime. She deserves the world and marrying you is like welcoming a snake into her bed. If I had it my way I would-”

“Ne ne...Lan-ojisan...I think you should get some rest. You have been working very hard the last few days.” I watched as Lady Izumi appeared behind him and his wife and handed them some food. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t get into anything valuable.”

“Hmph! I think this rotten bastard-”

“Yes yes...now come on…” She smiled and led him away and I think it was the first time I saw an actual smile on her face. After leading them away, she walked back through the rubble towards me. “Are you just gonna stand there or are you actually going to help?”

“Right…” I continued with my task, but I couldn’t help but glance at her every so often. She was still less than friendly, but it seemed she had grown to tolerate my presence more. The wedding was fast approaching and I still did not believe it was actually happening. I often wondered how she felt about it. She would be stripped from her family and she would have no choice but to live with mine. She was hard to read at times, and I could only wonder when I would be able to clearly know how she felt about it. I knew one thing though, she was stubborn, and she’d probably keep this up forever. I smirked to myself as I swept and lifted up the damaged roof, she was certainly more interesting than I thought.

“Something funny?”

“Hmm? Oh nothing I...I was only thinking about how you feel about the wedding approaching…”

“......” She paused and looked at me, and she seemed struck by my question. She looked away and continued to clean. It was a full five minutes before she actually answered my question. “I think nothing of it...it is just a duty I have to fulfil. Nothing more and nothing less. I don’t appreciate you laughing about it.”

“Hm? Oh! No I was not laughing about the situation...it’s just that you are more stubborn than I thought. It is hard to read you. I meant no disrespect.”

“Mmm…” At least she didn’t yell at me this time. Little bits of progress is better than none. We continued to work in silence and the space from the villagers was bothering me less and less. It gave me time to work and see what they needed to repair their village.

“Igarashi-sama?”

“Hmm?” I looked up from the plans I was writing as a child pulled at my clothes. Kneeling down, I tilted my head as the young boy rubbed his eyes. “Yes? Is something wrong?”

“Are you going to rebuild my house? I’m hungry…” My eyes widened at his innocent question. Children were so ignorant of the struggles of life. He probably didn’t have any idea that my family was the cause of everything. He just saw me as an important figure who could possibly help him. I could feel Lady Izumi watching me closely and I took notice of others looking at me too. I could tell this was an unintentional test of sorts. 

“I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that your home is restored. I have some onigiri if you’d like. It might be a bit crushed up though…” I reached into my robe and pulled out my wrapped onigiri I had taken for breakfast. He seemed apprehensive about taking it from me, so I took a small bite of it. “Go ahead...it’s safe to eat…” He smiled and accepted it from me. 

I stood back up as he ran over to Lady Izumi and excitedly showed her the food. She smiled and ruffled his head before he ran off. Her eyes met mine briefly, but she walked away to continue her work. I guess it was time to really put my back into my work. I had to impress these people and helping one child and elderly couple would not be enough. A little hard work never hurts anyone.

“Alright...let’s do this…”

~~~

It seemed that children were attached to me and I couldn’t say that I disliked it. I was quite fond of children, and they all took to me quite well. The others were still not as receptive but that was to be expected. Lady Izumi talked to me a few times, thankfully without much venom in her voice. Their land was more abundant than ours back at home, but most of their farmers had been horribly injured or were killed. I made plans to send some of ours to assist them. Their land was one of the reasons we had gone to war with them. My father would rather fight than peacefully come to some sort of agreement. I glanced at the mountain looking over the village and made a note to see about it. The minerals that they mined made amazing weapons and tools for the Yamaguchi clan.

I could only wonder how they dealt with the night creatures, but I guess it was obvious how they avoided it. Fresh water was scarce, but that was my fault. “Head back home and bring as much water here as you can. These people also need food in the meantime. Bring some of our cooks here...they will be staying here for the time being.” My men looked worried about leaving me, but they left after a glare.

“Amazing how you seem so ready to help us…” My ears flicked as a man scoffed and suddenly got into my space. I frowned as he looked me up and down. “Your clan has brought us nothing but grief! You just take what you want! You destroy our homes and then you marry Izumi-hime! We deserve more than your pity!”

“This is not pity sir…” I growled low in my throat as I moved him aside. “I am correcting the mistakes of my sire. I never wanted this war between our clans, but I’m sure you don’t believe that and frankly I do not care. I only care about bringing peace and helping the people who never asked for this suffering! You all don’t have to like me, but you will learn to respect me!” Taking a calming breath, I turned away before he started up another issue.

Lady Izumi watched the exchange with curious eyes but I ignored her glances. I needed a break, I had been doing this for hours. Hopefully by the time I come back, my people will be back. Rubbing my temple, I headed into the woods to clear my mind. I don’t know how long I had been walking, but I ended up at a small pond. I scooped up some water and splashed my face. Sitting down, I looked at the afternoon sun with a heavy sigh.

“This is going to be difficult…”

“Did you think it was supposed to be easy?”

“He...I suppose not…” I looked to my right as Lady Izumi walked up next to me and dipped a bare toe into the pond. She recoiled back and I chuckled a bit and she looked at me curiously. “Well...it is getting cold my lady.”

“That is fair I suppose…” She put her shoe back on and walked around the other side of the pond. She flicked her tails and small balls of fire formed on them, they swirled around her body before they burst into small embers. She flicked her tails again and more balls of fire sparked up. She formed many shapes with them and I was impressed by her control. She formed koi fish, sakura petals, kunai and katanas, and finally she made our clan symbols. “I’m only going to belong to one family soon…”

“No you won’t.” She looked up at me and shook her head. “You will always be the eldest daughter of the Yamaguchi clan. Nothing will change that Lady Izumi.”

“You will…” The fire dissipated and I was a bit disappointed that the temporary heat was gone. “I have to do what’s best for my people, even though I hate you with every fiber of my being. I still think you are a piece of shit. I still want you dead.”

“.....” Nice to see she still hates me.

“I will do what I need to do for the prosperity of my clan.” The resolve and determination in her eyes made me smirk. I stood up and looked at her from across the pond with the same look. “I will do what I must for them.”

“As will I, Lady Izumi…” She looked sad all of a sudden, and I wasn’t sure if I should comfort her or not. It probably wasn’t my place. 

“Will I...will I have to submit to your every whim?” I was taken aback by her question, but the meaning behind it was clear. “I want to at least keep some of my dignity.”

“Lady Izumi….you will be the lady of the house. You will command respect and you will always have a voice. I won’t take that from you.”

“You would let me have that?” She laughed and shook her head. “You say that...but we shall see when the time comes.”

“I’m good for my word…” She said nothing more as we stared at each other. With a flick of her tails, she went back to the village. I would do what was best for the clan, even if it meant being forced into an unhappy marriage.

~~~

No amount of prayer could have prepared me for the day of the ceremony. The days had passed by far too quickly and I had lost my breakfast several times in the last hour. I just couldn’t seem to keep anything down. My hands were shaking terribly and the color would not return to my face. I nibbled on some rice cakes as my mother shuffled around my room with our maids. I flinched as a brush roughly went through my hair and my mother looked over my Shiromuku kimono. It was such a beautiful kimono, I just wish I was happier about it. My mother was having a hard time deciding if I should wear a Tsunokakushi headdress or a wataboshi hood. It didn’t matter to me, either way I would have to lay my ears flat. 

“You’ll wear them both then...the wataboshi when you are going down the aisle, but we can have the Tsunokakushi under it when we are at the shrine.” She turned to look at me and she sighed as I paled again. “Izumi...you have to calm down and eat...you will look like a ghost.”

“I’m sorry mother, but I just….” I grew silent and she rubbed my ears gently. I wish my father was here, but he was overlooking the final arrangements. I sat still as my makeup and kimono was put on. It was so tight and I could barely breathe in it. My hair was done up very beautifully and it had been so long since I dressed up. I once again was sad that I wasn’t happy about this. 

“Izumi...I will be right back. I have to check on your father and make sure everything is ready. Please try to hold your stomach.”

“Yes mother.” After she left the room, I went out to the veranda to get some fresh air. The cool air on my face was so refreshing and it helped calm me down a bit. Hopefully I could keep something down this time.

“Hopefully this all goes well…”

“She has been sick all morning...I highly doubt she’ll last through the ceremony. Can you imagine what she’ll be like on the wedding night…” The whispers of my maids made my skin crawl. How did I forget about the wedding night?! It was such a key component of a wedding. Not only that but...I would be expected to do it often. I would have to have his children! Oh...I hope this whole thing falls apart. I was not mentally prepared for it.

“Izumi...come in here so I can finish.” I slowly shuffled back in and sat down as my mother placed my headdress and cowl on my head. “All done...you...you look beautiful my love.”

“T-Thank you mother…” Tears formed in her eyes and she bit her lip. “Please don’t cry mother...this is for the future.”

“I wish that it wasn’t. I’ve never wanted this for you. You deserve to be happy and in love with someone you care about.”

“I care about our clan and people mother...nothing else matters.” The door opened and my mother and I looked on as my father walked in. He paused as he looked me over several times, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “Hello father…”

“Izumi...I thought we should have a discussion before we go out there.” He stood beside my mother and placed his hand on her shoulder. He held my hand as he looked straight into my eyes. “You must be careful when you enter their home. Never let your guard down under any circumstance. If anything happens, we are not afraid to start the war all over again. Be careful what you do, what you eat, and be aware of your surroundings. I will not lose my only daughter to these scum.”

“Yes father…” I looked down at our hands, before I looked back up into their eyes. “Is there...another option. Should I...should I plan to end him?”

“For the time being no, but if it comes to that sort of decision...we will tell you right away.” My mother brushed a stray hair from my face as she slowly stood up. “It’s time my love.”

“Right..” Taking a deep breath, I followed my parents to the shrine next to our home. I kept my head low as I continued on. I let out a breath of fire to keep myself warm. My mother and father both kissed my forehead before they left my side. It was then that I took notice of Takeshi standing outside the shrine with a bright red bangasa. He bowed at my parents before he did the same to me. Holding it over us both, we entered the shrine in silence. 

“You...you look nice…”

“Thanks….so do you…” My hands were getting sweaty and my nerves were shot. I had to keep my stomach settled. This was so very uncomfortable and awkward, I wish I could just run away and never look back. “Oh my….”

“.....” He made a small noise, but he didn’t comment as we continued on. Various important leaders from the other clans were in attendance and looking at my parents gave me a bit of strength. Arriving at the altar, we knelt before the priest as he began to bless us and our union. I wish my brother was here and he could give me some advice, or stop this entire fiasco. Maybe the gods would have mercy on me and drop a-

“Lady Izumi…” I blinked from my thoughts as Takeshi nudged me. He must have finished saying whatever pathetic vows he came up with. He handed me his sakazuki cup and I slowly drank from it. I forgot about the san-san-ku-do. I didn’t like the taste of sake very much, but I powered through it. Our parents took their respective sips to finalize the joining of our families and clans. Takeshi carefully placed a simple band on my finger and I put his on as well.

“Now...I join this couple in holy matrimony.” The priest blessed us one last time, before he moved away from us. It was at that moment that I realized that we had to...kiss. My face warmed up as I thought about it. I couldn’t just not do it, it would be disrespectful, but I really didn’t want to. I was sitting still for to long I had to-

A gentle finger lifting my chin made me look up with wide eyes. Takeshi gently kissed my forehead and my face felt like it was on fire. I was...not expecting him to be so...gentle. He moved back and helped me to my feet, bowing to the guests he led us out of the shrine. “I apologize if that was very forward.”

“No I...it’s fine…” He looked me over a few times and I felt nothing but discomfort, but that might have been because I had nothing to eat. 

“Lady Izumi...are you alright? You look pale…”

“I just...the kimono is a bit tight...and I...I don’t want to go to the reception. I need to...rest…” My vision started to blur and Takeshi started to disappear from my sight, and before I knew it, everything was dark.

~~~

A sweet scent woke me up from my slumber and I sat up in a futon. Some mochi cakes were on a small table beside the futon with a cup of hot tea. Looking down, I noticed that I was only wearing a simple robe. I was in an unfamiliar room and I moved to get up just as the tatami screen opened up.

“Ah! Lady Izumi...please sit down. You need to eat something.” I said nothing as Takeshi knelt down and placed some papers onto the small table. He looked so...different...it was a bit unnerving. His hair was free from its usual ponytail and he was wearing a robe that matched mine. I looked away from him with a frown and he sighed, which made me look back at him. “Your mother makes good mochi cakes…”

“My mother made these!?” I didn’t wait for a response as I snatched one from the plate and sank my teeth into it. My ears perked up happily as a happy moan escaped my lips. Realizing he was staring, I coughed and straightened my back. “W-What?”

“Nothing…I had the same reaction when I tried them…your mother is a great cook.”

“Yes well….where am I?” I scanned around the unfamiliar room with a harsh gaze. 

“We’re at an inn…our home is being prepared for us at the moment. The reception was called off due to your health. This is technically our honeymoon.”

“I…oh….” He said “our” home too easily and I wondered if I would say it that easily. I looked out the window and was surprised to see that it was dark. “I was asleep all day!?”

“Yes…but it is good to see you up and eating my lady.” He fully shut the tatami screen and I couldn’t help but glance at him fully. His robe was coming undone a bit, revealing his well toned chest and abs. I never gave the male form much of a glance, but now I was forced to. I squeezed my hands together tightly as he picked his documents up and looked them over. I continued to eat the cakes before I stepped out for some air.

“Oh! Good evening Igarashi-sama…did you need more refreshments?” A maid almost made me jump out of my skin. I would have to get used to my new name.

“N-No…I’m alright…” She bowed and left me alone. I walked around the inn several times before I stopped at a koi pond. I broke some pieces of bread apart to feed them, I wished I was as carefree as they were. 

“If I go back into that room…I’ll…I’ll have to perform my…my wifely duties…” I tilted my head back and closed my eyes tightly. “Brother…watch over me and give me strength…”

I felt tears prick my eyes as I walked back to the room. I wiped them quickly, but felt my heart stop as I noticed that only a small flicker of light was shining from the room. He must be waiting for me…to consummate the marriage. 

“Ok…just get it over with Izumi. The sooner the better…” I opened the screen harder than intended and it ripped and I looked at it annoyed. “Damn…”

“I’ve got it…” I barely had time to register how quickly he was in my space as he pulled a repair kit from the shelf in the room. He knelt beside me as he began fixing the hole I made.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I don’t mind Lady Izumi…” He was trying way too hard to get on my good side. He would never make that achievement no matter how hard he tried. My nervousness was quickly replaced by annoyance. I couldn’t believe that he was making me feel so embarrassed and weak. I would not stand for it.

“What is your end goal?”

“My end goal? I just want to fix the screen.”

“Don’t get smart! This nice act is getting old and redundant.”

“I’m afraid I don’t follow…how is being courteous and friendly an issue for you?” He stood to his full height and I glared up at him. 

“You just want me to let my guard down so you can kill me don’t you? Once everything settles, you’ll take my land and have full rights to my territory!”

“Is that what you think? You think I haven’t been the least bit sincere? You are a confused little vixen…if I wanted to kill you I would. If I wanted your land as bad as you think I would have taken it.”

“So what the hell are you waiting for?!”

“Why are you trying to pick a fight with me, woman!? Aren’t you tired of all of this?! All the fighting, bloodshed, suffering, all of it?!”

“No! You deserve to suffer how we have and I won’t be satisfied until you are!”

“This back and forth has to stop! I will not allow it to continue between us! There are more important things to worry about than revenge!”

“No there isn’t! You’re just a coward and I’d cut you in half right now if-“ I was cut off as he pushed me against the wall. His red eyes glowed in the sudden darkness, the candle going out from the sudden force. His hand slammed next to my head and he held a finger as he glared at me.

“Think about what you are saying, you stubborn vixen! You need this union as much as my clan does. We both almost died a few months back. Where would that have left our clans? Weak! Vulnerable from the other clans. We would have left a legacy of only ash and disappointment. Now keep your damn voice down!” He backed away from me and sat on the floor angrily, biting into a cake with equal anger. 

“Tch..” I crawled onto my futon and threw the blankets up to my chin. I stared at the ceiling in boiling anger. Stupid bastard man child. I’m gonna throw this ring into the sea. I don’t know how long I had stared at the ceiling before he went to the screen and handed his papers to the maids. I slowly sat up as he stood there for a minute before he slowly turned to look at me. 

I held my blankets tight against my chest as he stared at me. Was…was it time to…? I swallowed back my nervousness as I tried to steel myself for what was about to happen. I only prayed that I didn’t get pregnant from a single time. Not wanting to be a coward for much longer, I slowly slipped my robe down my shoulders. My heart thundered in my chest as he walked over. I looked down as I continued to disrobe.

His hand grabbed mine and I looked up as he frowned at me. I let my hands drop, but he didn’t continue to disrobe me. Instead, he pulled my robe back onto my body and wrapped the blanket around my shoulders. A heavy blush spread over his cheeks as he looked away. “I…I didn’t look, my lady…”

“I…why aren’t you continuing?” I moved back as he settled beside me in the futon. “We…we have to consummate our marriage.”

“We really don’t though…I’m not going to force you into something you don’t want…that either of us want. We…we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” He ran a hand through his hair before he looked at me. “Let’s just rest hm? I’ll move my futon over so you’re comfortable.”

“I…” He pushed his futon to the other side of the room and I don’t think I ever felt more confused about a situation. His personality surprised me more and more each day. He didn’t say another word as he put his head down. I gripped my robe tightly before I laid down myself. 

I pulled my blankets up under my nose as I stared at the back of his head. I could wonder where this tumultuous relationship could go from here. Something told me that the journey would be one for the history books.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[erzherzog-von-edelstein]

The Bust of the Emperor

This is for the fifth day of @historical-hetalia-week . This is the first day that I actually used the additional prompt, which was Nostalgia.

Plot: Ruling an empire for over sixty years forms a bond that is hard to break. Even once his reign is over, Austria struggles to deal with his attachment to Franz Joseph.

Characters: Austria, Prussia, Franz Joseph

Ships: Sort of PruAus

Content Warning: Blood, mentions of death

Word Count: 2K

-----------------------

1853

It was a pleasant day in the city, though the air still felt tense. It had not been long since the revolutions had been quelled, and there were so many who still opposed the monarchy.

Austria did not feel comfortable even within the streets of Vienna. He had seen the true intentions of his subordinates, and he no longer felt like he could turn his back on any of them.

He was walking behind his young emperor and a petty Count, keeping a close eye on them both. Franz Joseph was young, and the stable peace would rest on his shoulders. If he could establish himself as emperor and quell all of the rebellions, then all would be well.

Austria felt sick to his stomach when he thought about all the possibilities for betrayal. They were on the bulwark that surrounded the fortified center of the city. He should have felt safe here, but the Revolutions had shaken him.

Franz Joseph had the confidence of a young man, and he had told Austria that there was not a reason to worry about him going for a stroll. Usually Austria would listen to his Kaiser, but he did not feel like the young man adequately understand the danger. It would be ruinous for anything to go wrong; it could easily light the fires of revolution again.

There were people mulling around on the walk, and they put Austria’s nerves on edge. He wondered if the revolutions had really driven him to paranoia, and whether he would suffer the rest of his life from this terrible feeling of foreboding.

As the thought occurred to him, he turned his eyes away from the Kaiser and looked to the crowd. He let out a long breath that he had been holding and tried to let the tension out of his shoulders. He had to learn to live without forever seeing traitors everywhere.

As he watched, a man emerged from the mass of people and took several running steps. Austria realized a moment too late that the man’s hand went to his belt like he was about to pull a weapon.

Austria’s feet felt frozen to the ground as his worst fear played out in front of him.

The man, his face set in cold determination, lunged at the young Kaiser who had his back to the crowd as he gazed out over the city.

The knife seemed to hit its mark. Austria’s blood ran cold. He had aimed for the Kaiser’s neck. For the briefest moment the world seemed to freeze.

He couldn’t breath.

Then it all started moving again. The Kaiser fell to his knees. The word that had been stuck in Austria’s throat finally broke free, “Franz!”

His feet finally free to move again, he ran to the Kaiser. He knelt next to his emperor and, throwing aside any ideas of decorum, put his hands to the man’s face.

Behind him he heard the sound of the Count tussling with the would be assassin. Whether he detained the man or killed him, it was all the same.

Austria only had eyes for his emperor. Franz Joseph turned his face to Austria. He looked pale, and he was clutching the spot where his neck met his shoulder. There was blood between his fingers.

Austria felt the blood drain from his own face. He didn’t know how bad the wound was, but the blood terrified him. He said, “Franz, don’t you leave me yet.” The emperor met his worried gaze and said, steadily, “I’m not going to.”

He took his hand away from the wound to show Austria the damage. the collar was cut to the skin, but it seemed like just a superficial cut beneath it. It was a wound, but it was survivable.

It felt like a miracle. The blow meant to cut his throat  had been thwarted by the thick fabric of the collar. He had never been more thankful for his Kaiser’s habit of wearing military dress everywhere.

Austria let out a long sigh of relief and thanked God for a luck. For a moment he really thought that he had lost his emperor, and he would have to crown Maximilian.

He smiled out of sheer relief and said, “Your mother would have killed me if anything had happened to you.”

Behind him he could hear the assassin swearing in Hungarian. Austria could have easily guessed that he was a Hungarian nationalist. They were the greatest problem that he had.

Franz Joseph gave him something that was supposed to by a wry smile, but it still looked pained. He replied, “I still have work to do. I don’t think I am going to leave until it’s all done.”

-------------------------------

1920

Austria walked into the living room leaning heavily on his cane. It felt humiliating to rely on it, but the war had left him so weak that it was a necessity. It was progress, since he was no longer bed bound, but not enough to soothe his pride.

Prussia stood when he saw him enter the room. For a moment, Austria had to repress the instinct to drop the cane. He had been focused on his rivalry with Prussia for too long for this sudden change to feel altogether natural. He still felt like showing weakness in front of Prussia was a political mistake, even though they were no longer enemies.

It hardly sounded real when Prussia said, “Do you need help?”

Austria could not remember a time that Prussia had offered him a helping hand. Or a time where he would have viewed that offer as something sincere. He replied, “I can manage on my own.”

In truth, a helping hand might have been nice. But it was not so easy to let go of a century of distrust. He settled himself on the couch across from Prussia, and let out a low groan. His joints still protested if he moved too much.

The other man settled himself on the other couch again, and looked over Austria like he was appraising him. It seemed like he wanted to know how bad the damage really was.

Austria decided he needed to break the silence, and solve the mystery of Prussia’s presence. He said, “Why are you here, Gilbert? I didn’t ask you to visit.”

He had the sudden realization as he looked at him that Prussia was wearing civilian clothing. How odd and out of place he looked out of uniform.

The Entente was intent on demilitarizing Germany, so it made some sense that Prussia had to live life as a civilian for the first time in a long time. But it felt wrong to see him without a sword at his hip.

Prussia leaned back on the couch like he was perfectly comfortable in someone else’s home. He replied, “I wanted to see how you were faring. I hadn’t seen you since the war and I was concerned.”

Austria did not restrain his natural reaction. He sneered and said, “You care about my well-being now?”

He couldn’t help the reaction, it had never seemed like Prussia cared about him before. But the other looked genuinely offended, like Austria had laid an unfair accusation at his feet. He said, “I have never tried to hurt you. I could have taken land in 1866, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to cause you pain.”

Austria had never even considered that there had been anything personal in Prussia’s lack of territorial demands. He had viewed it through the lens of Bismarck’s cold political calculations, and nothing more. It had certainly made Prussia seem like the rational party at the time.

He shrugged, unwilling to concede the point completely, “You can see how I am.”

He meant the cane and the pained expression he made when he walked. Anyone with eyes could see that he was not doing well, especially when immortals were supposed heal quickly. It was unheard of that anyone would take this long to heal from a war.

Prussia glanced around the room before saying, “Yeah, I can.”

Austria felt himself bristle at what was unsaid. Was there something wrong with the way he kept his house? It felt comfortable enough to him.

He was about to question the glance when Prussia clarified for him. He said, “I am going to assume that the decor is because you haven’t had the energy to redecorate.”

Austria glanced around, trying to figure out what he meant. It was the same that it had been for years. Golden curtains, lavish paintings, velvet couches. It was as it had always been. He asked, “What is wrong with it?”

Prussia raised a pale eyebrow and said, “Well, the Kaiser is still staring at me for one.”

He gestured over his shoulder at the mantle above the fireplace. Austria followed his pointing and his eyes lighted upon a marble bust of Franz Joseph. It had been there since it was made. It had been made as a loving gift on the occasion of the Kaiser’s sixtieth birthday.

Austria stared at it a moment before he thought he understood the point. He was clinging to the imperial normalcy. Nothing in the room had changed for decades, save for minor changes here and there to keep with the trends.

But, even the thought of removing the bust from its spot seemed painful. He said, “Franz isn’t going anywhere. He will go when I feel ready, and not before then.”

Prussia sighed and ran a hand over his face. Then he said with the air of a man speaking to a stubborn child, “But he has gone. You do know this, don’t you? He’s dead and buried. That is just a piece of marble.”

Austria knew, of course he did. He had held his emperor’s hand and heard his last word’s. Franz Joseph’s last act had been to make Austria swear to try to work with Karl and save the empire. And he had sworn, but no oath could have stopped the empire from falling to pieces in front of him.

He had been there to see Franz Joseph laid to rest beside his wife and son with all the proper pomp and ceremony. He had been old and venerable, and had worked to his last day for the good of the empire he loved.

He replied, “I do know. I am lame, not delusional.”

He knew he was being too curt, but the implication that he did not understand the present felt unwarranted. Prussia gave him a look of unusual sympathy and said, “I know it is hard. When Fritz died-“ Austria cut him off swiftly, “We weren’t like that!”

He knew the relationship Prussia had with his king, and would not have anyone imply that he had the same. But Prussia dismissed it with a wave of his hand, “I know you weren't. But, when Fritz died I locked myself up with my grief and refused to see the outside world. It made me less prepared when another threat came. I am trying to tell you not to do that.”

Austria had not intended to do anything of the sort. But he hadn’t been in any position to go out, since moving was cause him pain. He said, “What makes you think that I am locking myself in here? I have been in bed for nearly a year.”

Prussia pointed over his shoulder at the bust of Franz Joseph with a raised eyebrow. Then he said, “You can’t tell me that you’ve never woken up and thought it was still the 19th century and that you’re going to see him at breakfast.”

Austria couldn’t hide his expression of shock at how accurate the description was. He had felt like it was his own imperial nostalgia that sometimes made him feel like he had woken up in the old empire. He thought he would find Franz Joseph in the usual place until he saw how dark the palace was without servants to light the candles.

It always felt like remembering all of his losses at once all over again. It was uniquely painful, and he had never imagined that it would be a shared experience.

He let out a long breath through his nose and said, “It does. I feel like I am living in the past. But I don’t want it all to change yet.”

It felt bitter to say it, because he would still rather be in the disappearing world of empires than in the uncharted present. Prussia smiled, “I thought you might be. That’s why I’m here.”

Austria was slightly irritated to see how Prussia was lounging back into the pillows on the couch. Prussia really did just look comfortable like it was his own living room.

He replied, “And what are you going to do?” Prussia said, “Well, if you’ll allow me, I would like to visit more often. There’s a republic out there now, and you should see it.”

Austria chuckled. There were times he would have been so happy to have the chance to spend time with Prussia. He had never imagined it would take them both experiencing political ruin to make it happen.

It certainly sounded much more pleasant than spending time alone thinking about the empire.He replied, “Alright, I agree. Just don’t make me redecorate."

Prussia put his hands up  and said, “Fine, I won’t.” He paused for a moment and added, “Yet.”

[lordterronus]

Creatorverse Fanfic Chapter Two

Creatorverse – Self Indulgent Stories

Chapter Two – Nobody’s Home

I had no idea where exactly we were going. Somewhere called Creatorverse was the only information I had for sure. Shandy assured me that I would love it there, and that it would be a wonderful place, but as for what it actually looked like, I had no idea. Nor did I know where exactly it was.  

I could tell it was far beyond the strange technicolour void of bubbles I was in before. I had gathered that it was a sort of prison, though how I had gotten myself there, or how Wib appeared still remained a mystery.

“We’re here!” Shandy said, pointing at what appeared to be a large white bubble. It was bigger than any of the previous coloured ones, and somehow slightly unnerving.

“This is Creatorverse?” I asked, my voice becoming very deep. Yet another change I had to deal with. “It’s… not what I expected.” I had imagined something more vibrant, but instead it was looking rather empty. Shandy laughed a little.

“This is just the entrance. It’s a lot better inside, even if it still a work in progress.” She said. I would have tilted my head, but since my head was currently also my body, I instead simply did my best to look confused.

“What are waiting for?!” Lorel yelled. “We have an anime duel to stop!” She raised her hand and displayed her CREATE button. I couldn’t get a good look at it before a large ‘CV’ appeared, accompanied by a glowing yellow portal in the centre of the bubble. I could tell this was our way in.

“Let’s go, before they blow the place up!” Lorel’s words were punctuated by an explosion that was, for some bizarre reason, coloured pink.

“Is that normal?”

“For here? It’s just another Tuesday.”

“Ah.” I said. “That’s concerning.” I didn’t have the time to say anything else before we were suddenly diving into the portal. I had to cover my face from the sudden shift in light. When I removed my hand, however, what I saw was incredible.  

There was still a lot of blank white space, largely in the sky. But there was a large patch of land with a sunset sky and grassy fields illuminated and appearing a deep blue in colour. Strewn around the landscape were buildings of all possible shapes and sizes and around a dozen in the ‘impossible’ category. Some were floating, others appeared submerged in bubbles of water, still others had more ridiculous features, like a series of organised tornadoes instead of a fence.

It was the people that really caught my eye though. Or, my face, I guess? Whatever, they had my attention.

Many of them appeared to be humanoid for the most part, with some exceptions. I saw a surprising number of skeletons wandering around, some even looking vaguely familiar to me for some reason. There were several anthropomorphic animals around, and even some strange, shapeless figures. The variety was astounding.

Suddenly, being a walking question mark with limbs was starting to seem normal.

I didn’t have too much time to take in the scenery before we landed. Shandy gently placed me down on the ground. The scenery appeared in greater clarity to me. The shapeless figures were much clearer and I could see so much further with my cane on the ground again. But I wasn’t so much focused on the sights as I was the feeling.

“What the hell?!” My voice was suddenly as high as a kite as I exclaimed my surprise. There was an indescribable movement flowing through the entire area. It was electric and powerful, and somehow… familiar? I had the feeling of returning home after a long holiday rather than seeing a brand-new place for the first time.

“You feeling it?” Lorel crossed her arms and seemed to smile. “This world is just brimming with creative energy. We call it Motivation. Every one Creator here is worth ten of us out there, sometimes more.”

“She’s in the ‘more’ category.” Shandy grinned at Lorel, who blushed a little and smiled back.

“You’re just saying that because you’re my wife.” Shandy chuckled at Lorel’s remark. Before anyone could speak any further, however, a third voice chimed in.

“WHERE THE HECK HAVE YOU TWO BEEN?!”

“Oh crap!” Lorel said. “Shandy, take the newbie and hide!”

“I’m not just going to abandon you!”

“If you hide, you’ll be safe!”

“But what about you?!”

“What is even happening?!” I interrupted with a shrill yell. “Are we under attack? Is it Wib again?!”

“Wib? You mean that Blockhead?” Lorel asked before shaking her head and dismissing the thought. “Never mind, it’s not important. What IS important is you two getting away from-!”

“Away from who?” The third voice interrupted, and Lorel shrieked. I looked towards them, preparing to transform for a fight. They felt intimidating, with a great amount of power and presence. However, they didn’t seem like an enemy in spite of that.

“H-hey Ly! We were… at the bathroom?” Shandy scratched her head nervously. Lorel placed her hand in her palm, seemingly either cringing or hiding amusement. I couldn’t tell from so low down and in my vision limited form.  

“Really? So, I’m guessing that that,” The new figure gestured towards me. “Came from the toilet?”

“Hey!” I said. My voice shifted to a slightly lower pitch than I would have liked. “I take offence to that!” The figure seemed to glance at me briefly in confusion. She – I guessed from the voice and what little I could tell that she was a she – then looked back to Lorel and Shandy.

“It can talk?”

Okay, that was the last straw.

“It’s she, actually.” I said, drawing attention to myself. I took the opportunity to transform into my second stage. I had taken to calling it ‘V2’. I had no idea why, it just felt right. I felt my body growing and expanding, my legs and arms spreading out. My cane matched the growth of my body, as did my hat. My head split into a head and torso, and the limbs adjusted themselves accordingly. At my full height, I seemed to be the tallest person present. My sword seemed to slide out from my new right hand, and I grabbed it by the handle. I lifted it towards the face of the figure.

“And she can do a lot more than talk.”

There was a tension in the air as the figure seemed to glare at me for a moment. I glared back at her. I could see her much more clearly now. She appeared to be a little bulkier than the other people I had encountered. She had short black hair and glasses, set upon what appeared to be a pig’s snout. Her skin appeared to be a reddish pink, and she had the tail of a monkey visible from behind her.

What would a combination between a pig and a monkey be? Monkig? Ponkey? I liked Ponkey.  

“Ly,” Shandy said, stepping between the two of us. “She’s a Creator. Lorel and I had to leave to save her from being imprisoned with a Blockhead.” She explained. The figure that was apparently named Ly glanced over with a raised eyebrow. She was still for a moment, before stepping back and letting out a laugh.

“I see! So that’s where you two were. Running off on adventures without me.” I lowered my sword. She seemed to be friendly, and Shandy and Lorel seemed no longer afraid. I guessed she was just the stern type.

“Well, she’s got spirit. I think I like her!” Ly said, seemingly examining me for a moment. “What’s your name?” She said, speaking to me directly for the first time.

“I…” I hesitated. I still wasn’t sure on my name. “It’s just Nobody, for now at least.” I answered. My sword retracted itself into my arm, and I raised a hand. Ly shook it, and I noticed that she had quite a strong grip. She released my hand, which was now a little sore, and turned to Shandy and Lorel.  

“Glad you had a successful rescue mission,” Ly said, glancing at me for a moment. “But next time, maybe you could give your wife a little more warning.” I looked at all three of them, slightly confused.

“Wait, who’s married to who now?”

“We’re all married to each other!” Shandy excitedly said, pulling Lorel and Ly into a big hug. I chuckled a little at the sight. Lorel seemed slightly cross, but wasn’t objecting to the hug, whilst Ly returned it with equal, or perhaps greater enthusiasm.

“Ah, neato!” I said. Before I could any further words, however, there was a sudden and loud explosion from behind us. I quickly attempted to pull out my Create Button, but Shandy stopped me.

“Calm down,” She sighed. “That’s just Slime and Andrew.” If I had a face capable of the motion, I have no doubt that I would have shown a confused frown. As it was, my face and chest remained a question mark, though briefly switched to an exclamation mark for a second.

“Who and what now?” I said, turning towards the explosion. Standing a small distance away from us, there was a figure who appeared to be entirely pink. They were carrying a sharp sword, and overall, they exuded an aura of fear.

“Oh no, they’ve already gone full pink mode.” Lorel said. I had no idea what exactly pink mode was, but I took it to mean that they were not usually so monochromatic in appearance. A transformation of some kind must have taken place.  

“This has gone on long enough, Andrew!” The pink figure raised their sword in front of them and seemed to smile menacingly. “Why do you insist on this battle? We already know how it will end…” I couldn’t tell if they were trying to threaten this Andrew person, or if they were just tired of fighting. I guessed it was some mix of the two.

After a moment, there was a spinning green tornado of energy that appeared before the pink swordsman. It dissipated, leaving a slightly disoriented looking person with brown hair and square glasses. They were dressed in a green ninja outfit, and held two katanas. Overall, they seemed much more relaxed than the pink swordsman.

“Eh.” The green figure I assumed to be Andrew said. “It’s a good way to introduce our characters.” The pink swordsman, who by process of elimination must have been the one called Slime – not what I expected with that sort of name – growled angrily at Andrew.

“Still speaking in riddles and nonsense.” They took a battle stance. “Perhaps I’ll have to remove your tongue before I can understand your words!”

“Sure, if you think you can.” Andrew seemed very relaxed about this whole affair, as though this was an everyday occurrence. I got the impression from the others that they weren’t wrong in that assumption.  

“They’ve been at it all day.” Ly sighed. “I tried to stop them, but they’re determined to keep going. The number of houses we’ve had to rebuild in the past hour alone…” She looked off, seemingly trying to count. I looked over at Slime and Andrew, who both seemed to have energy radiating off of them like bursts of lightning.

“We have to do something.” I said, determined. The others looked at me curiously. I summoned my sword in my hand and gripped it tightly. “I’m still pretty new here, but I get the impression we shouldn’t really be destroying stuff in a place for Creators.” Lorel grinned at my words, whilst Shandy seemed to shrug.

“Would if I could. I’m unarmed.” She said. I was surprised, but it did make sense. Still, I made a mental note to give her a weapon at some point. I could easily make something, and she was partially responsible for saving my life.

“Lorel? Maybe try shooting some fire at them or something?” I asked. She seemed all too happy to oblige my request, flying into the air quickly and taking a vantage point between the two. She readied her flames. When the two figures charged at each other with their blades, she tossed a blast down.

Or, I assume it was meant to be a blast of fire. For some bizarre reason, she ended up throwing down a sandwich of some kind. It landed on Slime’s hair. I was almost sure I heard a bird tweeting as they looked up to the source of the blast. They grinned.

“Lorel, hi!” They sounded much different than they did when talking to Andrew. Their voice was much more friendly. If it wasn’t for the menacing expression on their pink face, I would have called it wholesome. “Wanna help me beat Andrew some more?”

“Sounds fun, but I probably should’nt-”

“Please.” Andrew said. “I could easily beat you both.” If I had a mouth, it would have flung open, but as it was, I still remained with a question mark, though it flickered between that and an exclamation point.

“Is that a challenge?” Lorel asked, seemingly intrigued. I was torn between anger and panic, as it seemed that now I would not only have failed to stop the fight, but escalated it. I could only hope that Andrew would realise their mistake-

“It is. What are you going to do about it?”

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” I screamed. Andrew seemed to hear me, but no one else reacted. They briefly glanced towards me and shrugged.

“Not my fault a good story needs some action.” They said, only confusing and frustrating me further. I looked to Lorel, who to my surprise, seemed to have coloured herself pink to match Slime.

“Oh, it is on now!” She said. Slime laughed and turned their attention back to Andrew, who seemed somehow pleased with this turn of events. I could only conclude that they had the self-preservation instincts of a goldfish, and a particularly dull goldfish at that.  

“One of you please do something!” I looked to the others. Shandy and Ly looked at each other and shrugged.

“I’m still unarmed.”

“I’ve been trying all day. I’m too tired to fight any more.”

Unfortunately, it seemed that I had no choice but to act myself. Slime charged at Andrew once again, and Lorel dove down from above and followed his path. Andrew readied his blades, but before either of their opponents could reach them, they were blocked by a sword and cane.

“I hate you…” I gritted out, trying to block the two’s strong double assault. Either I was stronger thanks to all of the adrenaline running through my body, or they were holding back. Whatever it was, I was astonished that I was able to hold them off for even a few moments. “So much right now. And I don’t even know you.”

“Don’t be like that, Protagonist.” Was that some kind of nickname for me? I didn’t much care for it. Andrew grinned at me. “Trust me, this is gonna be fun.” In a flash, he had once again become a spinning green tornado of energy. I had no idea how they were doing that, but it seemed very familiar. Maybe something to do with the ninja clothes?

“They managed to force Slime back, and the sudden lack of force allowed me to spin around and strike Lorel with the side of my sword. I didn’t want to do any serious damage here, just stop the fighting. She was launched back, but not by much.

“Ah, a two on two battle!” Slime seemed eager. “Perfect for making my victory all the sweeter!” They laughed ominously. My face and chest went to an exclamation mark and I waved my arms in surprise.

“What? No! That is not what’s happening-!” I didn’t have time to finish, as I had to hastily dodge a fireball from Lorel. I summoned my Create Button to the ground and retaliated with a series of icy spikes that proceeded from the ground to follow her, but she flew up into the air. Andrew was in hot pursuit, using some admittedly impressive parkouring skills to get into the air.  

“Okay, I guess that is what’s happening now.” I sighed. “I miss Wib. They were way more relaxing.” I raised my cane and barely managed to block a strike from Slime. Before I could retaliate, they launched a kick to my stomach. I dropped my cane and fell over. They grabbed my arm and proceeded to try to throw me over their body.

Thinking quickly, I summoned my Create Button onto the ground. As I impacted with the floor, I summoned forth a bolt of lightning. It stung as it travelled through to my sword, but I managed to send the bolt through the metal and blast Slime back.  

“Impressive.” They said. “Before I smite you for this, what is your name?” I grew agitated. I really wished people would stop asking me that. I didn’t have anything I could say. I stood and raised my sword. My legs were a little wobbly without my cane. I supposed this would make for some good practice.

“I’m Nobody.” I said, glaring fiercely at Slime. “And I’m the one who’s going to finish this.”  I didn’t mean to sound so dramatic about it, but I supposed that their excitement was rubbing off on me just a little bit. I charged forth, my sword in one hand and my Create Button in the other.

“Woo!” Shandy cheered, and I turned for a moment to see her and Ly watching from a distance. Ly had managed to get some popcorn.

Unfortunately, Slime took advantage of my distraction, hitting me with the hilt of their blade and sending me flying back.

“Ouch!” Shandy winced. “Sorry about that.” I glared at her.

“You sure you can’t do anything?!” I yelled. Ly placed a hand in front of her and stared at me with a serious expression.

“We’re staying out of this one.” She said. She grinned at me for a moment. “Besides, I wanna see what you can do!”

Was everyone here out of their minds?!  

“I’m starting to regret coming here.” I wasn’t being entirely honest. This was surprisingly very fun. If it wasn’t for the fact that I was desperate to stop all the fighting and destruction here, I might have been enjoying myself a lot more. Hell, I might want to join in for a more organised battle. But that was for another time.

Right now, I had to live up to my words and end this.

I readied my sword and took a stance, finally preparing myself for a strike. Slime took notice, and hesitated, moving carefully around me and trying to find an opening. Finally, after what felt like hours, they charged at me.

If I had a mouth, I would have smirked.

I ducked under their initial strike, disorienting them for a moment. I summoned my Create Button right from under their legs.

“Ice prison.” I said. Slime tried to move, but I grabbed their leg, dropping my sword in the process.

“CREATE!”  

I threw myself back as Slime became trapped in a block of ice, leaving only their head vulnerable. They growled a little before sighing. It seemed I had successfully managed to immobilise them. At least for the moment. I just hoped that they wouldn’t break out.

“Alright, one down.” I sighed, taking a moment to breath. “Now I just have to deal with either Lorel or Andrew, and that should be the end of it.” Much easier said than done, especially given that one could seemingly become a tornado, whilst the other could shoot fire and fly. I turned, ready to try to find them, when Andrew just appeared in front of me.

“Gah!” I let out a small shriek of surprise. Andrew appeared to be unfazed. They extended their hand, holding my cane out to me.

“You dropped this.” They said. “I’m guessing it’s important.” I reached out hesitantly, and took the cane from their hand. Their katanas were both strapped to their back, in a way that looked very impressive, if not very practical.

“Thanks,” I said. “What happened to Lorel?” Andrew grinned at me as I spoke.

“I took care of her.” They said proudly. “A little green ninja action!” They made various noises and fast motions with their arms that I couldn’t help but laugh at. I was still surprised though. The fact that they had managed to defeat Lorel was rather impressive based on what I had seen.

“Well, kinda.” They said. “In reality I just ran away until they flew into a wall. It was some great comic relief.”

“Comic relief?” I said, now concerned. “Is she okay?”

“She’ll be fine, don’t worry. I got our healer before I came over here. Glad I don’t have to take down Slime again.” Andrew said, ignoring Slime growling at them and struggling in the ice. “Besides, it happened off-screen. It’ll be fine.” If I had eyebrows, I would have raised one in confusion. I was finding my face rather ill-suited to covering my emotional state clearly.

“Yeah, that was pretty tough. Maybe don’t leave me to handle your battles next time? Or just don’t destroy stuff in your epic anime showdowns.” Andrew laughed. I wasn’t sure if they were taking me seriously when I said that.

“Yeah, that’s fair. But you have to admit,” They said. “It was pretty fun! Besides, you handled yourself pretty well.”

“I agree!” I jumped back in shock, as it seemed Shandy had used her invisibility to sneak uo and surprise me after the battle. “That was pretty fun to watch!”

“How long were you standing there?!”  

“Just about a minute.” She said. “I considered helping with a sneak attack, but you seemed to have things covered.”

“A bold assumption.” I said, only half-joking. “I only wish you could’ve helped earlier…” I said, before a sudden burst of inspiration came to me. I pulled out my Create Button and focused on creating a small weapon. The end result was a slingshot, which I handed to Shandy.

“Here you go. You’re armed now.” I said, jokingly. “Maybe next time it can be two on three?” Shandy smiled down at the slingshot before looking up to me with a big grin.  

“I love it! Thanks Nobody!” She said. I was surprised for a moment, since it was intended as more of a joke than anything, but if she was happy, I suppose that was a fine outcome.

“Nice birthday gift.” Andrew said next to me. “I should have thought of that.”

“Huh. Happy birthday, I guess.” I said to Shandy. “Now I feel bad for complaining so much.”

“It’s fine! Like I said, I had fun watching the fight.” She replied. “In fact, you might do well on missions.”

“Missions?” I asked. I had a feeling the answer to this would be important. “What do you mean?”

“Oh boy,” Andrew said. “You’ve got a lot to learn here.”

[END] 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO @shandycandy278! I really wanted to get this chapter done in time for today, so I hope you like it. Just like last time, a bunch of crazy people under the delusion that my writing is somehow good wanted me to tag them, so in no particular order - @blossomtato, @onlyplatonicirl, @156lemongummies, @insane-but-smart, @lynn-does-stuff, @ava-the-lost-artist, @burned-ramen-2, @chais-chaos-corner, @i-am-the-unknown-shadow, @andrewture, @midgardiankat and lastly @creatorverse! (Why do so many people want to see my word vomit?)

[agustdmono]

NEIGHBORS; jhs Oneshot (M)

Pairing(s): Jung Hoseok x Reader

Summary: A new family arrived in your neighborhood. You were determined to befriend their one and only son. You definitely weren’t ready for what the boy had in store for you.

Word Count: 9.6K+

Genre(s): ONESHOT! Mature (18+), Smut, bts AU (Boy Next Door Hoseok)

Caution(s): Slight dom!Reader, Slight dom!Hoseok, swearing, dry humping, lots of foreplay, oral (Y/N receives), oral (Hoseok receives), fingering, choking, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms

Author’s Note: We’re back _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):_

You were distraught.

Nothing in the world could ever replace your love for your ex-neighbor: Grandma Margaret. She wasn’t related to you in any way, but you still called her grandma. You’ll miss the cookies that she bakes exactly at 1:23 PM or the smiles she gives you whenever she sits on her front porch. For your twentieth birthday, she gave you her old vinyl player and you cried. Literally.

“Y/N, dear, I’m just a few houses down,” Margaret chuckled.

“I know, but neighbors are special,” you sniffled, placing your hand on your chest to add a dramatic effect.

She rolled her eyes at your actions, but you knew she was amused. It didn’t take very long for you to get along with her. She had a similar personality to yours―basically an older version of you.

“I’m still your neighbor, hon,” she spoke before taking a small sip from her tea.

“No! The point is, you ain’t next to me.”

The two of you sat on the chairs in the gazebo at the front of your house, casually conversing about what’s been going on. She informed you that your new neighbors should be coming in today and you whined, earning a small smack from her cane. Honestly, you’ll even miss getting whacked by her cane.

“Come walk me back. Enjoy my company while you can .”

Of course, you complied. You got up as you held out your arm for her to grab. Both of you managed to climb down the stairs before a moving truck drove past your house and parked on the vacant house’s driveway. You ignored the sound of doors slamming because you were too focused on bringing Margaret home, but for some reason, she wasn’t budging.

“You should welcome your new neighbors, Y/N.”

You looked at her with pleading eyes, hinting that you really don’t want to meet new people just yet. You still had to leave time to mope about not seeing her as much as you want to. She threateningly raised her cane; which caused you to raise your hands in defeat. You jogged towards the opened cargo and saw two men lifting a couch out of the vehicle. Not wanting to distract them, you waited until they placed the heavy object down at the bottom of the ramp.

“Hello, I’m Y/N L/N! Your neighbor on the right-hand side,” you greeted, trying to seem as cheery as possible.

You looked over at Margaret, who was eyeing you and gave her the thumbs up. You’re only doing this for her in all honesty. It’s not like you’re going to experience a whole ‘boy next door’ type of thing. Those things only exist in movies. Right?

“Ah! Hi there! I’m Jung Junsu and this is my son, Hoseok,” the older looking male draped his arms over Hoseok, who had trouble making eye contact with you.

He was shy, but it didn’t bother you at all. In fact, it made you more curious about the male. Once he finally lifted his head up to look at you, he flashed you a shy yet bright smile. You swore that your heart fell out of your chest. He’s a good looking guy and you weren’t prepared for this moment since you were currently wearing your favorite Kookie slippers.

“Jung Hoseok. Hope we can be friends,” he spoke, slightly bowing his head.

“The feeling is mutual,” you beamed. “Do you guys need help? I just need to walk Granny back to her home; so, I’ll be able to lend a hand right after.”

“Actually, we’d appreciate that. My wife needs a hand with the kitchen utensils.”

“No problem. I’ll be back soon.”

You quickly ran back to Margaret, who was fiddling with her cane. You told her what had happened and she was pleased. She mentioned Hoseok and you couldn’t stop babbling about how cute he was and how his smile nearly blinded you. Both of you finally reached her new home, giving her a long hug before you left to help your new neighbors.

“And here’s when Hoseok dressed himself up for the first time,” Mrs. Jung smiled fondly as she pointed at the young boy in the photo album.

You almost cooed at the photo. He was wearing blue jeans and a bright yellow shirt with mixed-match shoes. You could see how proud he must have felt by the way he was posing in the photo.

“Oh! Let me show you when he took a bath and he-”

“Mom! I think she’s seen enough,” Hoseok snatched the photo book before she could lay her hands on it.

The pink tint on his cheeks was evident and you let out a soft chuckle. His mom rolled her eyes but spared him the embarrassment for the day.

“Just come after your classes and I’ll show it to you, Y/N,” she winked as she got up from the couch and headed for the kitchen, but she halted in her steps. “Will you be joining us for dinner?”

You looked at the clock and jumped from your seat. You were so immersed in helping their family that you completely lost track of time. It was already a couple of minutes past seven. The skies were dark and the stars were coming out. Is your mom gonna lecture your ass? Yes. Was it worth it? Hell yeah.

“I’m sorry, maybe next time? My mom is gonna kill me for not being home the whole day without letting her know,” you couldn’t help but bow since you knew it was an appropriate way to show how apologetic you were.

“Of course! You’re welcomed here anytime, Y/N,” she turned back towards you and gave you a hug; which you reciprocated. “You were a big help today, you must let us thank you someday.”

You almost wanted to cry at how welcoming and friendly the family was. They’ll never replace Grandma Margaret, but you definitely don’t mind them. You quickly bidded goodbye to Junsu before leaving their house. Hoseok, being the gentleman, walked you to the door. You slipped on your slippers and without thought, you hugged him goodbye. He froze on the spot, unclear of what to do; so he patted your back. You weren’t offended at the gesture. In fact, you found it amusing at how unsure he seemed.

“I’ll be seeing you around, neighbor,” you smiled, before making your way towards your house.

Once you reached your door, you turned back to make sure he headed back inside. Much to your surprise, he was standing by the van with his arms crossed over his chest. He wanted to make sure you reached your doorstep safely. Your eyes locked with one another and he shyly waved at you before he jogged back to his door. You heard his door slam and that was your cue to head in.

What a nice fucking guy.

Just after one meeting, you were already swooned by Jung Hoseok.

School.

You dreaded school.

Just the word school, made you want to throw yourself off a cliff, but that’s not the point. The real question is whether Hoseok is attending your school or not. A small part of you hoped he would be.

Okay, maybe a big part of you hoped.

Just to be clear, you don’t have feelings for the male. You’re simply curious and you wanted to know more about him. You already set a goal for yourself: befriend Jung Hoseok. It doesn’t seem impossible since you’ve already earned the trust of his family. You just needed him to trust you.

You followed your morning ritual: brushed your teeth, washed your face, and combing your hair. Of course, you had to check the weather for today. That’s crucial because you didn’t want to make the same mistake again when you wore a sweater in ninety-degree weather. You unlocked your phone and tapped on the weather app.

“Sunny,” you read out loud.

You were hoping to wear one of your hoodies, but the weather has spoken. You grabbed some jean shorts from your closet and threw on a shirt. The boys at your school didn’t really catch your eye; so, there wasn’t really anybody to impress. Before you head to the kitchen, you wanted a small amount of sunlight to light up your room. You walked towards the curtains and pushed them apart a tiny bit.

“There ya g―Shit!”

You jumped at the sight of Mr. Jung on the other side of the window. Thankfully, he was just talking to his wife. Nothing more than that. You recollected yourself, finally walking out of the room.

It’s only in the movies. Hoseok’s room wouldn’t be the one adjacent to yours. What did you expect?

“Spill. Hot neighbor or not?”

You looked at your best friend with confusion. She literally appeared out of nowhere and sat in the seat next to you while you were just trying to enjoy your snack before the professor walks in.

“What are yo―oh, you mean the Jung’s?”

“Judging by the last name, I’ll take that as a yes,” F/N concluded as she nodded her head.

“He’s cute,” you continued. “I wouldn’t say hot.”

“Just wait.”

Sometimes you questioned her intuition, but you decided to let it go. Hoseok is cute. He is literal sunshine. He has a smile that makes you want to coo at him, not devour his mouth. You decided that he was adorable, not hot. Nothing more, nothing less.

“How’s the progress with your boy, Min Yoongi?” You smirked.

“It’s getting…somewhere?”

“And?”

“We’re getting coffee during our two-hour break in between class,” she explained as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“Bro. Just ask him out already.”

“Patience is a virtue, Y/N.”

You scoffed at her comment. The professor finally arrived and you were already falling asleep thirty minutes into the session. You looked over at your best friend, who was watching a movie on her laptop. She looked at you and winked before focusing back on her screen. Instead of doing the same, you decided to leave class to go for a stroll.

The campus was practically empty. You enjoyed the peace and quiet for once. Sometimes the place was loud and bustling with fellow students, but not this time. Placing your earphones into your ears, you continued to walk down the concrete path. Your eyes were too focused on the ground and you didn’t notice somebody walking right into your lane. You two bumped shoulders and you turned to see who it was. 

Hoseok.

“I-I’m so sorry. I didn’t see whe—oh, hello.”

“Hey there, neighbor. You lost?” You asked cooly.

“How did yo—“

“You’re the only person I’ve seen on campus right now. Meaning, everyone’s in class and you’re not.”

“What about you?” He asked, beet red.

“Taking a leisurely stroll, thank you very much.”

He grunted at your answer, but he seemed conflicted. You couldn’t let a lonely person roam aimlessly around campus.

“What’s the room number?” You questioned.

“Oh, um, H-208.”

“Come, come, I shall take you there!”

You began to walk towards the room and he hurriedly followed behind you. The silence between you two was steadily increasing the awkward tension.

“What class is this?” You asked, finally breaking the silence.

“Dance,” he answered right away.

This piqued your interest. A boy who dances? Oh man, that’s like wishing on a shooting star: rare as fuck.

“That’s really cool, not a lot of guys do that nowadays.”

“I’m really passionate about it. I enjoy hip-hop the most.”

The two of you easily conversed with one another. You guys would jump from topic to topic and there was a lack of silence. You were relieved at how quickly he opened up to you. Mentally, you pat yourself on the back. Sadly, the conversation had to come to an end as the two of you reached the entrance of his class.

“Here’s your stop.”

“Thanks a lot, I owe you one.”

“Ahh, it’s no big deal,” you shrugged. “I gotta head back to class now. I’ve been gone for thirty minutes already.”

You turned your heels and began heading back towards your class. You heard a voice, so you turned back around to see who it was.

“Y-You’re fun to talk to and thanks for keeping me company,” he smiled before pushing the door open.

Thump.

“Well, shit.”

“And I said, you need some sugar for your coffee? Because I’m what you need,” your best friend explained.

“You have balls.”

“I’m deter—oh wow, he got some looks.”

You looked to see who your best friend was talking about.

It was Hoseok, leaning against the building while his attention was on his phone. Your best friend wasn’t wrong. You’re surprised that you didn’t notice his black button-up rolled halfway up his forearm or his black skinny jeans that showed off his muscular legs. How could you have missed the important part of his being?

His long wavy hair that fits him so damn perfectly.

Hot damn.

“Hot damn is right.”

“Oh fuck, I said that out loud?”

“Loud and clear,” F/N laughed. “You said he was cute. Now I call bullshit.”

“How’d you know that’s Hoseok?”

“I didn’t, but now I do~!”

You wanted to smack your damn forehead. The two of you kept bickering, but mostly her making fun of your crush for Hoseok.

Wait.

No, it’s definitely not a crush. He’s just a good looking guy who has a heart of gold. You were too busy trying to convince yourself that you don’t like Hoseok to the point where you didn’t notice him walking towards you two. F/N had to smack you out of your thoughts and you were ready to smack her back until you finally noticed him. You immediately put your fist down and smiled at him.

“Y/N! I was waiting for you,” he beamed.

“He was fucking waiting for you,” F/N whispered in your ear; which resulted in your hand colliding with her arm.

“Oh? What for?” You asked, genuinely confused.

“I thought we should walk home together. It would be nice to have someone to talk to,” he offered.

“Take her, please,” F/N pushed you towards him. “I love you, text me when you get home.”

With that, she ran away at the speed of light. Curse her and her running skills. You looked at him while he looked right back at you. How did you not notice his deep brown eyes or his jawline that could slice an iron bar? Okay, exaggerating, but it really seems like it’s possible. Especially for him. Don’t you just hate when friends point out something that you’ve been missing this whole time?

“Ready when you are,” he spoke up.

You nodded and led the way.

“You should come over for dinner later,” he suggested.

Both of you were standing by your front door. His suggestion nearly threw you off, but you definitely weren’t against the idea because you’d be stupid for rejecting free food. Specifically, Korean food.

“Maybe! I gotta ask my mom first,” you answered back.

You swore you saw his smile faltered for a second, but you decided to brush it off and not question it. He watched as you unlocked the door to your house. You couldn’t help but feel nervous. Your heart was beating fast and you didn’t know why. You finally managed to get the door open, so you turned towards him and waved before heading inside.

“W-Wait!”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s exchange numbers, so um, you can text me if you decide to join us.”

You blinked once, then you blink twice because you had to process what he just told you. He wanted your number and you weren’t sure about how to handle that. If you get his number, then you can text him anytime you want. Unless he only texts for dinner purposes only. Once again, you tried not to think too much about it. It’s not like you were excited or anything. It’s just a number.

“Yeah, sure,” you said cooly, trying to hide your excitement.

He handed you his phone and you did the same. You both typed in your phone numbers and gave back the devices. You would hug him to bid him goodbye, but after your best friend pointed out how handsome he was, you hesitated. Your heart was doing flips in your chest, but you’re sure it’s not because you have a crush on him. It’s only because he’s a good looking man. Right?

“Make sure to text me,” he spoke up as he pulled you into a hug.

“Y-Yeah, of course.”

He pulled away and headed back to his house. You finally stepped inside your house and ran to your room. Tossing your backpack aside, you sat at your desk and contemplated whether you should join the Jung’s for dinner or not. The sunlight was blinding your eye, so you got up to shut the blinds. Just as you were about to do so, you saw a figure through the other window.

You expected to see the older male on the other side, but you actually saw Hoseok. Not that you had in issue with that. You thought of waving at Hoseok, but that would be creepy because it would look like you were watching him this whole time. Technically, you’re doing that right now. Just as you were about to shut the blinds, you swore you only blinked for a second and his shirt disappeared from his body.

Oh my- fuck.

Your mouth hung open at the sight. The man got a body. He’s so toned that you could just cry. It was pretty clear that God was biased and Hoseok was his favorite, so he gave him the good shit. You weren’t complaining though because you’re satisfied with being his friend.

But do you truly just want to be friends?

The sound of your phone vibrating snapped you out of your thoughts. You picked up the device to check who it was, but it was an unknown number. That piqued your curiosity. Unlocking your phone, you immediately hit the text app and opened the message.

(1) New message

Sunshine

Hello

You

Did you put yourself as Sunshine?

Sunshine

Yes…

But will you be joining us for dinner?

You

Will the moon and planets be there??

Sunshine

They’re busy

You’re invited to eat with the Jung family

(:

You

I accept, Sunshine

Sunshine

:D

You squealed when he sent that smiley face. That’s so fucking cute. Hoseok’s bright smile was the only thing you could imagine now. You realized you didn’t even ask your mom, but you knew she’d understand. When it came to good looking men, she’s the best wing women out there. In reality, she was sick and tired of your single ass life. What a supportive woman.

Without thought, you grabbed the nearest shirt and changed out of your current one. No one cares about the bottoms, so you just kept on the same shorts that you wore to school earlier. You left the room to inform your mom about your plans. Closing the blinds completely slipped your mind.

You’ve been standing in front of the door for a solid ten minutes now. You didn’t really understand why you became nervous all of a sudden. Literally, a couple of days ago you were fine and comfortable with the family, yet here you are at their doorstep, refusing to push the doorbell. The parents were friendly. The atmosphere was great. They were great. You’re just overthinking. It couldn’t be Hoseok making you feel this way because you’ve only known him for a while. It’s not like you saw him shirtless or anything.

You counted to five and forced yourself to push the button. The sound of the bell echoed through your ears. You waited a couple of seconds and the door flew open, revealing a disheveled Hoseok. Since when did messy hair and heavy breathing look so good on a man?

“Hello, please come in.”

You thanked him and let yourself in. The house was more organized and lively compared to scattered boxes and unbuilt furniture. He led you to the dining room and you saw his parents together in the kitchen chatting.

“Finally! It’s so nice to see you again,” Mrs. Jung beamed.

“Hope you’ve been well,” Mr. Jung nodded.

“Thank you for inviting me,” you smiled.

The four of you gathered in the dining room and sat. Each of them talked about their day. You were fond of the close bond the family shared. Not saying you don’t share that with your family, but it’s nice to see families go through the same thing.

“What do you think of Hoseok, Y/N?” his mother asked.

You nearly choked on your food and ended up having a coughing fit. That question nearly killed you.

“O-Oh, uh, your son is great,” you finally spoke. “Quite the gentleman.”

“Mom, what the he-”

“Barbara’s daughter is single,” she interrupted. “You can thank me later.”

You felt your stomach churn. You could even say that you felt sick.

“I think you two would be a cute couple,” she finished. “Y/N is too good for you anyways.”

This time you nearly fell off your chair. You appreciate the compliment, but never in your life did you think she would ever say that. If anything, you thought Hoseok was too good for you.

“I wouldn’t say that,” you spoke.

“Oh stop, it true. It’s rare to find a girl who helps a family moving in.”

“Well―”

“And you showed Hoseok around the school,” Junsu mentioned.

Wait. If they knew about that, then that means Hoseok talks about you to his parents. You felt some pride swell up in your chest, but he was probably just being nice. Remember, you totally don’t have a crush on your neighbor. Man, your life is a literal movie.

“I think your son is great in his own ways.”

Now all eyes were on you. You felt your face heat up, but you just had to get that off your chest. It wasn’t a lie, you really did think he’s an amazing guy, despite only knowing him for a short period. Thankfully, you weren’t the only one who was red. Hoseok was a tomato.

“You guys shou―”

“And I think Y/N wants to go home! Isn’t that right?” Hoseok explained as he jumped from his seat.

“Y-Yeah, it’s getting late,” you said as you got up from your seat.

You quickly placed your dirty dish into the sink and hugged his parents goodbye before rushing out of the dining room. What the fuck is going on? What the hell just happened?

Once the two of you were alone by the front door, you let out a nervous laugh.

“I’m so sorry about that,” he apologized.

“It’s not a problem. Honestly, my mom is always trying to set me up too.”

“I wouldn’t mind if it was you,” he mumbled.

You didn’t quite catch that, but he’s been through enough for the day. He opened the door for you and you both stepped outside. The stars were out and the moon was a lot brighter today. You were so immersed with the sight. He looked over at you and saw the eyes reflect in your eyes.

Snap.

Ever since your dinner with The Jung’s, you became a lot closer to Hoseok. He would walk with you to and from school, joined you for lunch with your best friend and Yoongi, and he would even come in for dinner. To say that your mom loved him was an understatement. When he wasn’t around, she would call him son-in-law.

You learned many things about the male. He’s a talented artist in many places. Photography, dance, drawing, and more. You were envious of his talent. The little things he did for you would bring a smile to your face. He would send you a good morning text or give you a hug whenever you two depart ways.

Remember how you said you wouldn’t catch feelings?

Too fucking late.

You were in too deep and it was starting to put you in an emotional rollercoaster. Having crushes are fun, but tiring. You have something to look forward to, but when they don’t do something you expect, you can’t help but feel a little sad. Although your friendship with Hoseok was blooming, so was his popularity.

Ever since he won his first dance competition―which he gave you backstage passes―his name spread like wildfire. Nearly every single person knew the name Jung Hoseok. You had to fight off a lot of girls just to be able to meet with him after your classes.

There was a day where you felt sad because you were thinking about Hoseok leaving you for new people. He noticed your saddened mood, so he pulled you off to the side and looked you in the eyes.

No matter who I’m with or where I am, you’ll always be the first person I think of

Ever since he said those words to you, he couldn’t stay off your mind. At this point, it was driving you crazy. Your heart was hurting for Hoseok and you chose to suffer through it.

“Dude, you look lovesick,” F/N blurted out.

You were literally just minding your own business.

“Thanks.”

“I’m gonna call Hos-”

“Don’t you dare,” you threatened; which earned a sigh from your best friend.

“You look miserable,” Yoongi spoke.

The two of you didn’t notice him coming until he sat down next to F/N and said those words. She squealed in excitement and clung onto his arms while resting her head on his shoulder.

“Yeah, not helping, fucking love birds,” you muttered.

“Then do something about it instead of moping around.”

You were about to fight Yoongi, but someone sat next to you; which startled you a bit.

“Do something about what?” Hoseok questioned.

“N-Nothing,” you breathed. “Ah look at the time! Gotta go!”

You got up from your seat and left the area. You couldn’t be around Hoseok because your feelings were becoming unbearable. Just being near him was torture. You wish you could kiss his soft lips and be encased by his strong arms, but sadly, this is reality and you needed to get out of your fantasy land.  

(1) New message

Sunshine

Did you go home without me??

):

You

I wasn’t feeling well, sorry.

Sunshine

Feel better (:

You

Thanks.

It was only four o’clock and you didn’t know what to do. Usually, you were still with Hoseok around this time and it felt odd that you were home early. Even your mom questioned why you were back already, but you only grunted in response before shutting the door of your room. You decided to stare at the ceiling until you drifted off into sleep.

You woke up. You look out your window and saw how dark it was outside. Sadly, you didn’t have any notifications on your phone, specifically none from Hoseok, but you didn’t blame him. You did respond to him monotonously and straight out sounded uninterested. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want him to text you.

Despite taking a nap, you still felt tired. Maybe it was your emotions weighing you down. Honestly, you didn’t really have the motivation for anything; which sucked ass. You couldn’t help but feel like Hoseok deserved an explanation for your recent actions. Could you even bring yourself to send him a text?

Frustrated, you got up from your comfy bed and went into the kitchen to drink some water. You couldn’t help but wonder what Hoseok was up to right now.

Now's not the time to think about him, Y/N.

You let out a sigh and wished that your feelings would fade. You could literally have a normal and happy friendship with him, but your heart says otherwise. Self-blame won’t get you anywhere though. Maybe if you just outright tell him, you could get over this stupid phase. You prepared yourself for the worse.

So, here you are, sitting on your bed at nine 9:34 PM, conjuring up ideas of how to approach the situation.

(1) New message

You

Hey, look out your window real quick

Sunshine

?

Your heart was beating uncontrollably as you held up the sign that said: I like you a lot. You hid your face behind the white cardboard, desperately trying to hide your embarrassment. A bunch of scenarios played through your head, but you only focused on a specific one: rejection. At one point you felt like you couldn’t breathe because all these emotions were overwhelming, but it is what it is. On the bright side, you got something off your chest. It won’t be eating you up as bad anymore.

You looked passed your board to see if he was still looking at you, but he wasn’t standing by his window anymore. You placed the board on your desk and jogged back to your window. To get a better glimpse, you pulled up the blinds and slid your window open. You poked your head out. Much to your disappointment, he wasn’t there at all. In fact, it made you a little angry. It felt like he ignored you.

You were about to shut your window until something grabbed your hand. Fight mode kicked in real fast, so you readied your fist.

“W-wait!” the person panicked. “I-it’s me, Hoseok!”

You lowered your fist down but yanked your hand away from his. You couldn’t risk falling any deeper than you are right now. Hoseok saddened a little at your action, but he wanted to get straight to the point.

“If you’re here to reject me, I would’ve been fine with a text,” you mumbled. “I appreciate that you came all this way to-”

“That’s not why I’m here,” he interrupted. “C-Can I come in?”

You looked at him with conflict. Is he trying to rub salt on the wound? You moved aside to let him climb through your window. Your arms were crossed above your chest because you were on guard. You refuse to let your heart take any more hits. He stood by your window, fiddling with his fingers as if he was struggling to find the right words. Silence filled the room.

“Well?” You asked, breaking the tension.

He looked at you straight in the eye and stood up straight.

“W-Well, I don’t really know how to say this…”

“As I said if it’s re-”

“No! P-Please, give me a moment.”

You saw how desperate he seemed, so you walked over to your bed and patted the space next to you. You felt bad for being cold, so you want to try to help him feel as comfortable as possible. He hesitated but ended up plopping beside you with his whole body facing you. You waited until he was ready. Sometimes you forget that confessions can be troubling for both parties.

“When I first met you, you offered to help my family,” he spoke up. “You didn’t know who we were, yet you still offered.”

Honestly, you didn’t know where he was trying to go with this, but you didn’t interrupt him. You listened intently.

“To be honest, I was shocked by your kindness. You also helped me at school, let me join your friend group, and kept me company whenever we went home.”

“Oh, well, I guess I’m just a nice person.”

“No, you’re more than that,” he butted in. “You think about others without a second thought. At one point, I admired you.”

Now you were blushing. Your mouth was agape because you didn’t think he viewed you in the light. Either way, you didn’t want hopes to shoot through the roof, so you kept your expectations low.

“And well…” he paused; which left you on edge. “The admiration turned into something more.”

“Damn, I knew it,” you sighed.

“Y-You do?”

“Yeah, you want to be best friends. Is this what it’s like to be friend-zoned?”

“No!”

He was getting frustrated and you were flat out confused. You thought you pieced

everything together. Okay, no more jumping to conclusions. You kept your mouth shut and waited for him to formulate his words.

“I admire you,” he continued. “You make me want to be a better person for you.”

Thump.

“I-I wanted to be there for you and when you were sad that one time, you said you were scared I would leave you, something broke inside of me. I wanted to protect you.”

Thump.

“This whole time, I thought was fine with just being your friend, but I was wrong. I’m really selfish.”

Thump. Thump.

“Eventually, I found myself wanting more. I don’t want to be your friend.”

“Wha-”

“I’m in love with you, Y/N.”

“No fucking way, you lyin’,” you were in complete disbelief.

This all sounds too good to be true.

“I’m being serious,” he said sternly.

You didn’t know how to respond. You prepared yourself for rejection, but instead, you get the complete opposite. He never broke eye contact with you, but you could see that he was getting nervous again. You weren’t responding and he began to worry.

“I know you feel the same way, Y/N,” he whispered, smiling.

Now you’re getting flustered. You can’t run away in your own house. Hoseok felt confident. You both shared the same feelings and nothing can stop you two now. Nothing could go wrong at this point.

“Yeah, so?” you huffed. “You want a kiss as a reward or something?”

“Yeah, actually,” he smirked.

Curse you and your fucking mouth. Putting you in places that you don’t want to be in. Well, you don’t mind kissing him though. It’s not like you’ve always wanted to anyways. He turned his body towards you, so you scooted closer to him and made eye contact with him before looking down at his lips. Since when were they so…pink?

“I’m waiting.”

You rolled your eyes at his comment, but it helped get rid of some of that nervous feeling that welled up in your stomach. Thankfully, his eyes were closed. It would’ve been so awkward if they were staring right at you. He was bouncing in his spot because you could feel the bed shake a bit. You didn’t want to keep the male waiting, so you inched closer and closer. His looks were a bit intimidating up close.

“You can’t back out now,” you warned.

“I wasn’t planning to,” he answered back.

Here goes nothing.

You cupped his face and stared right at his lips. You found it cute that he leaned into your hand a little. He wanted to cherish you as much as you wanted to cherish him. Despite all the stalling you’ve been doing, he was enjoying every single second. All that mattered to him was that you’re there. This isn’t a dream, but it’s reality.

Bringing your face closer to his, you felt his breath hit your lips. He could feel your presence close to his own; which caused his heart rate to increase dramatically. If only you knew how much you meant to him and how badly he’s always wanted for this moment to happen. You both drove each other crazy.

The softness of his lips touched your own. At first, you held your breath in for a second, but you manage to relax into it. What you thought would be a simple peck, turned into open-mouth kisses. As the kisses became more intense, you moved your hands from his face to the back of his neck. He wanted you to be as close as possible, so he placed his hands on your waist and pulled you closer. The kisses you two shared proved how desperately both of you wanted this by the way you held each other.

Just as the two of you were about to pull away from each other, he bit the bottom of your lip and sucked it lightly. He looked at you with lust in his eyes. It was almost scary. But in a sexy way. You could almost feel how much he wanted you, but you wanted to settle down everything between the two of you.

“So…” you trailed off. “What are we now then?”

“Let me ask you out properly before we become official.”

“It doesn’t have to be special.”

“I want it to memorable.”

You felt the heat rise up in your cheeks. Hoseok was determined to make you feel special and he was willing to do as much as he can to prove how much you mean to him. No one has ever bothered to put that much effort into you, let alone being unofficial. Your body moved on its own, and you found yourself embracing him in your arms.  

The weather was sunny, you felt great, and everything was real. Yesterday wasn’t a dream and you realized that the moment you pinched yourself after waking up. Hoseok also sent you a good morning text with hearts surrounding the message. For once, you were having a good morning. The smell of breakfast made your day even better considering how you napped through dinner last night. The table was laid with piles of food and your mouth was watering.

“What’s with the smile on your face?” Your mom asked. “It’s unusual.”

“Don’t wof-ry abou- et,” you struggled to say with waffles stuffed in your mouth.  

“It has to do with Hoseok, huh?” she was eyeing you now.

“Look at the time! Gotta get to class, bye!”

Never have you ran so fast out of your house. The news between you and Hoseok needed to wait because technically, you two aren’t official. Yet. The thought about you two being together, gave you butterflies in your stomach. Right as you locked the front door of your house, Hoseok was already standing in front of your house with coffee in both his hands. He was smiling right at you and you felt the world get brighter.

“Good morning, Y/N,” he beamed. “I got you a little gift.”

“O-Oh! Thank you,” you smiled as you happily took the beverage from his hand.

Walking to school was enjoyable with Hoseok holding your hand and coffee in the other hand. As soon as you got to school, people kept staring, but you were unbothered because all that mattered was that you had him. He was smiling through the stares, but his eyes were mostly on you.

He walked you to your first class and his lips touched your cheek. You waved to him as he headed to his own class. As you sat in your seat, you were ambushed by your best friend once again.

“Bitch! I saw that!” she exclaimed while pointing her index finger at you. She didn’t even bother to sit at her desk. Instead, she stood right in front of you, waiting for an explanation.

“Saw what?”

“Ah! Don’t play dumb,” she countered. “Give me the deets.”

As much as you love your best friend, she can be loud at times because now a majority of the class was looking at you two. You gestured her to lean in closer, so she did. Instead of telling her, you grabbed her ear and told her that you’ll tell her after class. Once you let go, she eyed you while taking her seat next to you. You noticed how her leg was shaking; which you knew meant she was excited.

“So you’re telling me that you pulled a Taylor Swift and it worked?” F/N asked bewilderedly.

You laughed at your best friend's reaction.

“That’s all I gotta say.”

“Honestly, say no more,” she nodded approvingly.  

Dinner was amazing and you still couldn’t believe that Hoseok set it up all by himself, despite your mom wanting to help. The smile on your face wouldn’t go away. You wish you could live this moment forever, but you were grateful that you got to experience it. Hoseok felt accomplished the moment your eyes lit up. He knew that he wanted to make you happy from this moment on.

He led you to your room, ready to watch something on youtube. He already brought extra clothes for himself to get comfortable in. Without a warning, he took off his shirt and you could see the defined lines of his abs. You didn’t realize you were staring until he waved his hand in front of you. Embarrassed, you grabbed a t-shirt, some pajama shorts, and ran to the bathroom without making any eye contact with him. The last thing you heard was him chuckling.

After regaining your posture and successfully changing into comfy clothes, you managed to exit the bathroom with ease. Hoseok was already settled in your bed with his back against the bed frame with his attention on his phone. Who could have known a guy could look so good in a plain white tee and sweats. You hopped on your bed and snuggled into your blankets before taking your laptop and putting on some music. You tried to stay cool despite there being a hot man next to you on your bed. It was pretty exciting.

“I wanna show you a video,” Hoseok spoke up.

You looked up from your phone and leaned closer to him. Instead of playing the video, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled your closer. The heat traveled up to your cheeks and you looked up at him.

“Sorry, it was the only way I could pull you closer to me,” he smiled.

Well fuck.

As he unlocked his phone, you noticed his wallpaper. The person on his phone looked familiar and he saw you staring at his screen.

“When did you take this?” You asked.

“Remembered the first time you came over for dinner? You were looking at the stars and I couldn’t help myself. I had to capture the moment where heaven couldn’t match your beauty.”

He finally played a video of an idol group dancing, but your thoughts were racing through your head. You tried to calm your heart by taking a deep breath; instead, you got a whiff of his cologne. Oh, boy did that shit smell amazing. Without realizing it, your face was practically buried in his chest.

“It’s Kalvin Clein,” he spoke up as he soothingly rubbed your back.

“You can’t call me out like that,” you mumbled.

“As your boyfriend, yeah I can,” he chuckled.

There were butterflies in your stomach. He can’t just say that term so casually. Your heart and soul wasn’t ready for that. You ended up snuggling closer to him and placing your legs on top of his. Now you could see the screen of his phone more clearly, but this time, someone else was having trouble focusing on the video. His body stiffened, but you paid no attention to the subtle action. Hoseok never showed any interest in certain things. Especially the explicit ones. Then again, you both never tried anything.

We’ve never even had sex.

“W-We can if you want.”

“Did I say that out―oh my god,” you wheezed.

You’re totally not embarrassed at all. Blame your hormones. Speaking your mind has been putting you in deep shit.

“I-I mean we can, but I understand if you do-”

“I do, I really do…” he paused. “I was just going at your pace.”

This man is so fucking considerate that it hurts your soul, but that’s not the only thing that’s hurting. Your need for him is more painful.

“That’s hot.”

“What?”

“What?”

“Fuck it.”

You grabbed his phone out of his hand and gently put it on the nightstand. As much as you love being in his arms, you sat up and straddled him. Honestly, you had nothing to lose at this point. You two were officially already and it’s too late to back out now.

He looked at you with wide eyes, still comprehending what just happened. You didn’t wait for him to make a move, so you began to grind down on his cock. His eyes rolled back as he hissed through his teeth. You felt his hands wrap around your hips eagerly, encouraging you to slowly pace yourself back and forth. They gripped tighter as you continued to rub your womanhood onto his member. You could tell that he was holding back his moans in the back of his throat by the way his breathing was unsteady.

“Let me hear you,” Y/N whispered.

You dipped your face into the crane of his neck and kissed him sweetly.

Hoseok looked at the way you rode him, causing his head to throw back with excitement. Finally, he let himself go and let out his stifled moans.

“Keep going,” he sighed, eyes still closed from the undeniable pleasure.

With his size growing in his gray sweatpants, your center became damper alongside him. You two were in sync as the sounds escaped both of your mouths; which then led your hands to trail down his torso, taking the hem of his white t-shirt and tugging it up. Instinctively, Hoseok took your sign and took off his top to toss it onto the floor. You let out a hum of amusement. Before, you had only gotten a chance to see it, but now you had your hands roaming all over his toned body.

“Your turn,” he spoke, mimicking your last action.

You smirked, eyeing the way his fingers fiddled with the bottom of your shirt. But just as you were about to take initiative, he began peeling your own piece of clothing and tossed to the floor as well. You could hear him swearing to himself. Letting out a soft moan, you took your index finger to drag his eyes to yours. He showcased a lovely; yet, lazy smile. With his hair nearly covering his eyes though, you pouted. You wanted to see his gaze meet yours, and that’s exactly what you did. Your fingers pushed his long bangs back, only urging you to kiss him once again.

“You’re so beautiful,” Hoseok murmured against your lips.

All you could do was smile in return. You were flattered above anyone else at that moment. Your riding had increased, but his strong hands stopped you for a few seconds. He didn’t have to say much as that point, but you couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. Knowing he heard you, he also chuckled. All you could think was, goddamn.

It only took a second for Hoseok to flip both of you over. Now that he was on top, he placed a chaste kiss on your lips, then trailing a handful of wet kisses down your neck, between your breasts, and stopping just above the waistband of your shorts. Your moans were constant; even though you had some moments when you wanted to stop yourself from becoming so vulnerable. His doe-like eyes peered up at you, catching each other’s attention while his lips were still pressed against your sensitive skin.

You could feel the corners of his lips lifting up with a smile. He was satisfied with his doing, and you wanted to let him know he was doing everything right. When you felt the beds of his fingertips curling around the elastic, you threw your head back in preparation for what was about to come. When you could feel the cold air of the room hitting the rest of your bare body, you inhaled sharply. Your feet gradually slide up towards yourself naturally, knowing you had to brace yourself. As soon as Hoseok’s hot breath hit your wet center, you felt the shivers running throughout your entire body. His warm hands wrapped themselves around your thighs.

“Please,” you whined, squirming under his control.

“So eager for my tongue baby girl,” he mumbled.

Just as you were about to respond back, you could feel the wetness of his own mouth touch your clit, causing your head to dig back into the pillow. You swore under your breath and bucked your hips towards him. Trying not to lose yourself, your hand reached down for his and gripped it tightly. As his tongue ran up and down between your folds, your toes began to curl. The wears were unstoppable and clearly neither way he. Even when you can't stop your own hips from moving his mouth didn’t pull away at any second. You could feel the intense bubble in your stomach almost bursting.

“Hoseok,” you moaned.

There was nothing like the way you said the name that turned him on even more. Just as he thought he was going to spare you, he took away one of his hands. You gulped. When you felt his two digits pushing into your tight pussy, you bit the bottom of your lips as hard as you could in order not to make any loud noises. As much as you wanted to scream at the top of your lungs with the amount of pleasure he provided you, there were still boundaries. You had to keep in mind that you were still in your room and a house that was shared with more than one person. But when Hoseok started pumping his fingers in and out of you, he was making it too difficult for you. By the way, you seemed to struggle beneath him, he moaned against your clit. The vibrations sent chills down your spine from the additional euphoric feeling.

“I’m so close,” Y/N whispered with desperation. “Keep going.”

Of course, Hoseok would follow your orders. If he had this reaction out of you, he didn’t want it to stop. It was a reward to already have you to call his very own, but having you finish due to his ability would be a great addition. Just then, he thought to push his index and middle finger deeper inside of you, curling the tips of them every time he entered you. Now that the butterflies were set free in your stomach, your hands reached for the top of his head, not wanting this moment to end.

“I-I’m c-coming,” you stuttered, feeling your pussy clenching around his fingers.

After your release of sweet pleasure, you were panting heavily. You felt like you ran a whole marathon. His fingers and tongue felt amazing, yet you felt incomplete. You wanted his cock badly. No, scratch that, you needed his cock. He did so much for you and you wanted to repay him. It took you a lot of effort to sit up. You motioned him to lie down on his back and he followed your order.

Once he settled on his back, you didn’t hesitate to smash your lips together. Your tongues battled for dominance, but you wanted to get straight to pleasuring your man. As much as you love his mouth on yours, you pulled away and grabbed his wrist. His fingers were still coated with your juices, but you didn’t care. Without thought, you brought your mouth to his fingers. You began running your tongue in between the two digits while eyeing him seductively. Eventually, you sucked on his fingers and rolled your eyes back to give him a little show.

“Holy shit,” he breathed.

You smiled at his comment and gave him a quick peck before lowering your head towards his aching bulge. Your hands rubbed his clothed cock and you could hear his breath hitch. Then you traced your fingers around the waistband of both his sweatpants and boxers, quickly pulling them down. His dick sprung up, hitting his stomach. You wrapped your hand his thickness and slowly pumped his girth. He let out a moan as you began to pick up the pace. You finally brought your lips to the tip of his cock. You guided your tongue around him, allowing you to coat his member. Finally, you took his entire size into your mouth and his hands immediately tugged on your locks.

You bobbed your head back and forth at a steady pace. Looking up, you saw him biting down on his lower lip. You wanted to hear him. You wanted him to say your name. Without warning, you brought his cock to the back of your throat.

“Fuck, Y/N.”

Just hearing him say that encouraged you to go faster. You grabbed his hips to steady your pace. Suddenly, you felt a harsh tug on your hair, causing you to pull away from him. You looked at him with confusion.

“Keep that up and I would’ve came in your mouth…” he paused. “But I want to come inside you.”

You felt your pussy moisten at his words. This man was driving you crazy.

“I’m on birth control.”

“That’s all I needed to hear,” he smirked.

He grabbed your arm and pulled you down on your back. Before you knew it, he was back on top of you. Refusing you to do any more work.

“You did enough for me, baby,” he spoke as he sucked on your neck.

His easily slipped a finger inside you, causing you to mewl.

“And you’re already so fucking wet for me.”

He pulled his finger out and positioned himself in between your legs. The tip of his cock was right at your entrance, but he wanted to tease you a bit. You watched as he grabbed his hard length and slowly rubbed it against your folds. You could hear the wetness of your pussy as he would insert the tip and take it out. It was fucking torture.

“Hoseok, baby, please.”

“Please what?”

“Your cock, i-inside me…” you stuttered, “Please!”

You begging for him was music to his ears. He hummed in satisfaction. Finally, he inserted his whole member inside you and it was pure bliss. He placed one of your legs on his shoulder, allowing him to go deeper, causing you to cover your mouth to muffle your screams. He brought his fingers to your clit and rubbed it in a circular motion. You arched your back, taking in all the pleasure he’s giving you. Another bubble was forming at the pit of your stomach and you didn’t know how much longer you could take it. Hoseok could tell you were on the verge of coming, so he picked up the pace. He was going harder while rubbing your clit at the same time as you were closing in on another orgasm. He felt you clench around him, but that didn’t slow down his rhythm.

“Oh fuck!”

You finally reached your limit and came all over his still hardened cock.

“Hands and knees. Now,” he demanded.

He wasn’t going to let you recover. He positioned himself perfectly at your entrance and slammed himself in you, nearly knocking you off your hands. His balls kept hitting your pussy and you knew he wasn’t holding back. As he continued to thrust himself in you, you felt a hard smack on your ass. You moaned at his gesture, earning a hard pull on your hair. Your neck was bending back as he brought his lips to your ear. His teeth were softly gnawing on the shell of your ear. You were enjoying this too much, clearly, he was too.

“Right there, oh shit,” you moaned.

He placed his hands on your hips and pulled you into him. His pace fastened while your moans filled the room. At this point, you knew that both of you could be heard, but you had no fucks left to give. The only thing you could focus on was how close you two were and the immense amounts of pleasure you’ve both given and received. You could tell that you were getting weaker when your head began to slowly fall into the pillow, but Hoseok wasn’t going to have that. Seeing the way he had you, it was the perfect time to give you no choice. When he had one hand secure on your hip, the other reach around to cup your throat. He had no idea how much you enjoyed the retrain, but when he took a quick glance at your eyes, he knew. Your eyes rolled back, hair messy and mouth open wide, he had you locked. Just how he inched you back, your back was nearly touching his torso. Your posture was in that exact position where you could feel every inch of him inside of you. Again, you could feel yourself coming undone once more. He was just too immersed in his actions that his pace was steady and focused. The slapping of his hips against your ass, both of your heavy breaths intertwining with one another, and the sweat dripping down both of your bodies had a great effect on the great event.

“Fuck- I’m gonna-” he uttered.

“Come inside of me babe,” she interrupted.

His breathing suddenly became unsteady and his thrusts also started to feel messy and slow. With every last pumped inside of you, he paused for a second. With one last hard push, he let out a grunt and satisfied sigh.

“Fuck,” he sighed in relief.

As the two of you collected yourselves, your bodies plopped on the bed beside each other. Even though your breaths were still loud and heavy, you both managed to shoot each other a smile. You helped each other clean up and got ready for bed. You both exchanged a couple of words to each other before drifting off into a deep slumber.

You woke up to a peaceful sleeping Hoseok. His breath was steady with one arm was slung over your waist. In the end, you ended up being with the boy next door. You felt him move a bit before he finally opened his eyes. He looked at you and warmly grinned.

“Hey there, neighbor.”