#also fedyor and ivan are genuinely adorable

[stupidcanofpeaches]

okay. okay okay. so i just finished s1 of shadow and bone and started s2 (tho so far im only one episode in). and what can i say except im really into it? and also i now have a lot of feelings. 

first of all i appreciate alina and mal being young and also naturally a bit naive but also not stupid? when they accused each other of not sending or reading the letters and then just, you know, talked and hugged it out instead of drawing out the drama? really neat. i love it. love seeing some healthy understanding. babies. and can i just say how graciously mal accepted the fact that alina was very obviously isolated and manipulated and didn’t blame her for it one bit? yeah. that hit me in the feels when i did not expect it bc frankly i mostly started watching it after seeing some unhinged kaz gifs. 

and, uhhh. kaz. ouch and also wow. he’s now my son who has 72 mental illnesses and is banned from most public spaces. my man has committed murder fraud burglary and probably arson and looks like he hasn’t had a minute of good sleep in about at least seven years give or take a few months. he’s a badass he’s canonically disabled he’s a criminal he’s a poor little meow meow he’s a bastard he’s a traumatized kid in a neat little hat. love him. he needs all the hugs and can’t get one. 

and can i just say that inej is so goddamn pretty? bc she is. knife wife. not to take away from her character and her own trauma. she’s badass before everything else. her killing the inferni that was about to fry kaz? breathtaking beautiful amazing. and yeah i can’t shut up about kaz but showing on screen that the cane is not just for show and cool points but a legitimate walking aid for him that he experiences chronic pain without is so. good. chef’s kiss. the way their relationship progresses hnnnngg. i believe in you. i’m not leaving you. good god. please let them just hold hands. 

also. nina and matthias broke my heart. crying screaming throwing up. why couldn’t they get a happy ending. it was either court marshal for matthias or for nina and hell they looked so fucking happy and content eating waffles that for a moment i forgot their countries were actively at war. why. i choose to believe that in my head they’re together and free. nina’s banter with matthias was super sweet and you can see the moment it changes from hostile and acerbic to genuinely playful and this is tearing my heart out all over again. 

also genya totally deserved better.

[beeexx]

Season 1 snippets from Ivan and Fedyor’s point of view. - Loving in a time of war.

Read here After the Fjerdans’ attack, for a moment the world lay completely still around them.

The peaceful moment is interrupted by Ivan’s own harsh breathing, the painful beating of his heart inside his ribcage bringing with it a sense of panic threatening to expand with each breath he takes. The fear comes unbidden, visceral and overpowering to his senses. He can only feel that for a moment, gripping his heart, worry seeping into his bones making him stumble.

But as soon as it’s come he forces himself to shake it off, training and experience taking over as he slows down his own heart to get his bearings back. The world clears around him and silence fills his ears as he calms. 

The silence around him doesn’t offer him any comfort though.

But with the stillness Ivan finds what he’s looking for easily enough, picks out his heartbeat among the other ones as soon as he’s calmed down enough to think. Fedyor’s standing by himself, a little away from everyone else, dusting off his kefta, trying to hide his shaking hands. Ivan doesn’t waste time frowning, he hurries towards him and Fedyor looks up before he’s made it all the way across. His mouth opens but Ivan cuts him off with an ice cold glare. 

“Do not say you are fine.” His words are harsh but his touch is gentle as he reaches for his husband and cups his face so he can take a better look. Fedyor doesn’t say anything, he lets himself be looked over without a word. Ivan gently traces patterns into his skin that’s covered in a thin sheet of sweat and dirt, his hair tousled from the fight. There is a smudge of mud across his cheek and a bruise is already forming underneath one of his eyes from the fall but his heart is beating steadily and Ivan exhales, finally feeling like himself again.

“I am alright.” Fedyor promises. His voice does not shake and if it were anyone else, well Ivan would barely spare them a second look, but he would have believed them. Fedyor is almost as good as Ivan is to mask his pain when he wants to, but only almost. They’ve been together long enough for Ivan to know he’s shaken up. Ivan doesn’t say anything, just moves one hand away from his face to gently wrap around his hand that’s still trembling slightly and angles his body so that no one can see. Something flickers across Fedyor’s face, fear, pain, before he closes his eyes and leans forward, resting his head on Ivan’s.

“You’re alright.” Ivan whispers back and Fedyor exhales. Their breathing syncs up like it does when they are close, his blood singing from the close contact to the other, and Ivan allows himself a moment of standing here, holding his husband in his arms.

He is a private guy by nature, but still deeply proud of his relationship with Fedyor, it’s the stares and looks they have always gotten that makes his skin crawl in discomfort which has contributed to why his walls are always up around others. So he tends to keep his more open and private side to when he is alone with Fedyor. But Fedyor needs this, hell Ivan needs this, to be close to him again, because while he is unfazed by little these days, a symptom of serving in the army for so long, he is fazed by Fedyor getting shot. They are both soldiers and it comes with risks and pain they have both accepted somewhat, and they might be wearing bulletproof keftas but seeing Fedyor hurt is not something he will ever get used to. 

Fedyor’s fingers have wrapped around Ivan’s wrist, feeling out the pulse just underneath. His hands have stopped shaking so Ivan dares to step away. Before he does he places a delicate kiss on Fedyor’s forehead. It makes Fedyor smile, it’s small but it’s genuine and some of the shadows hovering over his face grow smaller. 

“There you are.” But Ivan smiles, a little relieved too.

“Yes you are not getting rid of me this easily beloved.” 

“Good.” Ivan breaths harshly through his nose, can’t fully tamper down the relief and worry mixing together like a bad cocktail. Fedyor intertwines their hands placing a kiss on his palm as they join the others.

It makes Ivan smile.

…..

The ride back is long, the day spent in the war room of the Little Palace is longer. He had reluctantly parted with Fedyor hours ago, they were soldiers above all else and had different duties to attend to, as much as it sometimes weighed on Ivan he was here to serve. The meeting had dragged on and Ivan had concealed his wariness behind a scowl but even he couldn’t keep it up forever. 

It was well past midnight when he made it back to his and Fedyor’s quarters. The lights had been dimmed low, the corridor deserted. Ivan expects their room to be dark but is surprised to find the lights have been left on, casting the room in a dimly lit golden hue as he enters, making sure to close the door quietly behind him. He leaves his boots by the door, putting them down by Fedyor’s. He adjusts the left boot of Fedyor’s so it stands exactly right before he walks inside. He is dirty from the altercation in the woods and the riding but he’s itching a little desperately now to get into bed with Fedyor’s, almost willing to leave everything else for tomorrow. But he compromises by washing his hands and face, before he disposes of the kefta and undershirt he’s been wearing all day. Ivan fondly rolls his eyes when he spots Fedyor’s one laying across the back of a chair instead of on the hanger where they tend to keep them. He huffs but ignores it in favour of washing his arms and body hastily in the wash basin. He towels himself dry and then makes his way over to their four poster bed with fluffy pillows and mattress so soft even Ivan struggles to leave it in the morning. Being higher ups in the second army had its perks and weeks away sleeping in tents and on the road made him long for this bed more than he ever wanted to admit. It smells faintly of lavender, just like he’s remembered. Fedyor is asleep on his side, a pale shoulder dotted with freckles peeking out from underneath the duvet, one hand wrapped around Ivan’s pillow so tightly Ivan has to ply his fingers open to be able to get in beside him. Fedyor blinks his eyes open, confusing evident before they clear almost immediately and he smiles.

“Ivan.” 

“Yes, sorry the meeting dragged on.” He pushes the pillow against the bedpost before he slides in beside Fedyor who scoots closer immediately, hand landing on Ivan's heart to rest there.

“Yes I assumed. I was trying to stay awake but you were very late.” His mouth twitches and Ivan huffs. 

“How are you?” Ivan asks, gently cups his face and angles it a little towards the light.

“Why didn’t you go to a healer?” He frowns and spikes of anger push through to the surface as he spots the angry bruise still under his eyes. Fedyor’s eyes widen and he touches his face gingerly before he shrugs helplessly.

“I forgot.” 

It is very much a Fedyor thing to do, he cares too much about other people than what he does about himself sometimes and it gives Ivan headaches for days when it happens, but right now he’s too tired to argue about it so he huffs instead before he puts his fingertips against Fedyor’s warm skin and heals it himself. Fedyor smiles through it, his eyes twitching a little at the sensation before the skin is smooth and pale once again. 

“Much better.”

Fedyor rolls his eyes.

“It was just a bruise.”

“It was a reminder of something ugly.” Ivan says through gritted teeth and Fedyor’s eyes soften before he nods.

“I am okay.” He says again, like if he says it enough he will convince them both it’s true. Ivan can’t just quite figure out who he is trying to convince more.

“Fedyor-“

“How was the meeting?” 

Ivan moves onto his back, heaves out a sigh and shrugs. Fedyor watches intently on his side, fingers tracing gentle patterns across Ivan’s chest, probably trying to distract him from answering. 

“Long.” 

“Too long?”

Ivan nods. 

“The Fjerdans are growing bolder, it doesn’t bode well for the future.”

“But we have the sun summoner now.” 

There are many things Ivan could say to that, but he is so tired and there is a part of him that can’t bring himself to quench the light in Fedyor’s eyes. His husband is in now way naive or foolish, he’s seen enough bad things to last a lifetime, and yet he still smiles so effortlessly, still laughs like he will continue doing it for years to come, makes friends so easily it is ridiculous and loves freely and openly. He is hopeful in a world that is tarnished by wars and Ivan is not going to chide him for his optimism. He thought it was a weakness a long time ago, but he’s learnt it’s a strength, a strength so unwavering Ivan could never begin to compete with it. He gave up a long time ago.

So he smiles instead and nods, wanting to believe so easily like Fedyor does that Alina Starkov is the key to the future.

“We do.”

Fedyor huffs and rolls his eyes, gently swats Ivan, seeing through him immediately.

“Have a little faith love.”

“I have faith.” Ivan defends.

“You cannot lie to me you know.” Fedyor smirks and Ivan huffs, turns on his side so their noses are brushing against one another.

“I have faith in the things I can see, that I know to be real.” He begins and Fedyor’s smirk grows softer. “I have a lot of faith in you.” He says softly, bumping his nose against Fedyor’s who scrunches it up adorably. “I have faith that I am your husband, the way your heart beats like a beacon in a stormy sea and that tomorrow will come and you will complain that there is no honey to put in your porridge for breakfast like you do every other morning.” He teases and Fedyor laughs.

“You are a romantic beneath all that scowling.”

“Only for you my love.” Ivan kisses the promise of that onto Fedyor’s lips and he exhales against them, Fedyor’s hand coming to rest on the back of Ivan’s neck, to angle his head a little better. It grows heated too quickly and Fedyor chases after his lips when Ivan draws back. 

“I have faith that you are also predictable.” He teases and Fedyor rolls his eyes and flops down, cheeks red and heart thumping away, music to Ivan’s ears. 

“That is very rude of you.” Fedyor jokes and Ivan takes pity on him. He places a gentle kiss on his mouth and lingers a little longer than what he had planned.

“Tomorrow.” He promises. 

“Are you saying you’re getting too old for some late night fooling around?”

Ivan scoffs and Fedyor bursts out laughing at his affronted expression. 

“I was not saying any of that.”

“That was what I heard.”

“Then maybe I should take you to a healer to get your hearing checked out.” Ivan lifts an eyebrow and Fedyor chuckles. 

“My hearing is fine. Come on.” Fedyor shuffles and Ivan huffs at his impatientness before he moves the pillow more comfortably behind his head and lifts his arm up so Fedyor can get closer. His husband is predictable but Ivan will never tire of having him sleep on top of him, military tents often aren’t big enough for spooning, not even when you are the second to the General. Fedyor settles after a while, his hand coming back to rest on Ivan’s chest, tracing patterns and chuckling delightfully when goosebumps erupts across his skin. Ivan places a kiss on top of his brown mop of hair that smells like citrus and mint, like the bottle that stands near their bathtub, it smells like home to him. 

“Goodnight my love.” Fedyor whispers.

“Goodnight.” 

Ivan feels it when Fedyor dozes off, his fingers still their task slowly and that’s an indicator, but he feels it with how his heart slows down and how his body goes slack on top of his before puffs of air is softly breathed out on his skin in a steady rhythm. It takes Ivan some time to fall asleep, but he feels more sated than he has in weeks on the road. Their shared room has a special meaning to him, the place where he found love, so he breathes easier here than he does anywhere else because he feels safe. 

And he feels like he’s home.

[stupidlyentangled]

OTP/Shipping positivity post! 💖

It’s been such a late night that the sun is starting to rise, and your OTP(s) are starving. Where do they hit up for breakfast?

(i kind of wrote an entire darklina modern travel!au in the process lol) (i have also never been to paris) oh, shit. i don’t know any american places since i’m european but here goes

alina has freshly graduated college and is traveling through europe where she meets aleksander. alina and her friend (genya) are trying to get into some club but alina forgot her id and can’t get in. aleksander sees her from inside and talks to the bodyguard to let them in. they laugh, alina dances, aleksander’s eyes don’t leave her for the entire night.

the next day, she’s wandering some bookshop where she meets him again. they pick up the same book. actually, he’s there because he kept tabs on her, because it’s aleksander, duh. he asks her to dinner that night, alina makes some comment about strange men and possible murder and aleksander promises she can trust him and somehow, she does. genya dresses her up and alina promises to share her location with her at all times (safety first, obv. they also googled aleksander and found out he’s some mysterious philanthropist billionaire. he’s from ravka too.)

aleksander and alina have spent the entire night wandering through the city. alina is tipsy from drinking expensive wines at the speakeasy aleksander brought her, giggling as she bumps into aleksander, who gives her a reserved but genuine chuckle, his eyes soft as he looks at her.

they’re in a city like paris, so aleksander used his connections and bribed some guards to let them in the louvre at night. alina is an art major and had talked about wanting to see the paintings there. alina should go but doesn’t want the night to end. then, they go to see the eiffel tower, glittering magical in the dark. they walk down the seine talking about everything and nothing. aleksander leans her his jacket and loosens his tie.

alina learns aleksander likes reading, knows all the classics, has a science degree, had a cat when he was younger named mittens, never knew his father, is terrible at keeping plants alive, comes from old money but refused his trust fund and wanted to make a name for himself instead, and has a very close circle of friends amongst which his bodyguards ivan and fedyor. he also likes animals and has a major sweet tooth, something which alina finds absolutely adorable.

so, dawn breaks and the first beams of sunshine start to peak from the clouds. they find some quiet bakery with delicious french pastries and the best coffee. alina drinks her coffee with one cream, no sugar, aleks drinks his black. alina gets powdered sugar on the tip of her nose, gets a little flustered when aleksander wipes it off with his thumb, an endearing smile on his face. his hand lingers, and they slowly lean in for a kiss. sitting by the window, a ray of sunlight illuminates their faces, and aleksander can count the freckles on her nose and alina marvels how long and dark his eyelashes are.

then they get married and live happily ever after, duh <3 thanks for sending this in anon!! these are a lot of fun to do :)

[sirenprincess15]

Please Don't Leave Me Chapter 5

Title: Please Don’t Leave Me

Author: SirenPrincess

Description: What if Aleksander hadn’t answered the door when Ivan interrupted the war room kissing? What if Aleksander and Alina had a bit more time to get to know each other before Baghra told her his true identity? Alina is the only one who can comfort Aleksander through his nightmares. Will she leave once she knows who he is?

This story is based on the show version and features a soft on the inside, hard on the outside Aleksander with an emphasis on emotional hurt/comfort and angst. If you are looking for lots of hurt!Aleksander thoughts, then this story is for you. Mal exists but pretty much solely to cause Aleksander some angst. Don’t worry. It will be a Darklina ending.

Chapter 1 is a missing scene at the end of Ep 4, and Chapter 2 takes place alongside Ep 5 and then diverges from canon there.

Pairings: Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, bits of Ivan/Fedyor

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Grisha are oppressed in this universe, and I don’t shy away from showing the horrors of that. There may eventually be mentions of canon-typical torture (Fjerdan pyres), death of family members, and cruelty to Grisha children. It’s not the focus, but that backdrop is definitely there and comes up as characters discuss their past.

In this chapter: Aleksander struggles with his nightmares. He can no longer hide them from Alina.

Chapter 5

Aleksander found himself staring at the ceiling above the bed. Every evening went the same. He made love to Alina and she showed him heaven. And then they fell asleep and he managed that for a bit, but then he was in hell. Sometimes it was Luda he saw murdered, sometimes it was Marie, sometimes he saw Nina burning on a pyre in the ice court, but the worst ones were when it was Alina he saw them kill. He never made it more than a couple of hours before he was gasping for air and awake, left with nothing but time and his fears.

He never managed to fall back asleep, and it was taking a toll on him. Alina hadn’t said anything, but he knew it was starting to show. He tried to just be happy to feel her warmth as she slept and to relax knowing she was safe for now, but every moment of bliss they spent together made him more and more afraid of what he had to lose. He could not imagine going on if her warmth was extinguished.

He got up to pull a book on the Stag. He had sent a search party to follow the tracker’s directions, but he worried they would need more. He had been trying to calibrate Alina’s dreams and the tracker’s information with the text. Maybe if he just looked at that book in Fjerdan again; it had more details on topography near sightings of ‘the witch’s magical spy’. He hated reading that one, but maybe that was exactly why he might have missed something. He didn’t dare leave her to go to the war room to read as he normally might, but if he just grabbed the book and brought it back to bed … He stood. He could sense no one else around the room, and he could keep her in eyesight the entire time. He reached the desk in the war room and moved a few books to find the Fjerdan one.

“Aleksander?” Her voice was soft, sleepy, but it was enough to make him drop the book he had been holding, race back to the bed chamber, and scan the room for threats. Nothing.

“Sorry, I was just … looking for a book.” He wanted her to know he would never leave her alone and vulnerable like that.

“Come back to bed,” she commanded.

She was the only person who could tell him what to do. With a command like that, how could he possibly not adore that about her? He obeyed, sliding under the blankets and sheets with her for warmth. He tried to pull her into his arms to get her back to sleep, but she was sitting up and staring into his eyes.

“You’re hardly getting any sleep,” she pointed out with concern. All he could do was nod. It was true. “Is it me? Do you not really want me here? You put me in here for security, but if you don’t want to be sleeping next to me …”

“Alina, no!” How could she think that? He leaned his forehead against hers and held her. “I would very much like to kill every person who made you think that you are not worthy of being loved.” He probably shouldn’t have admitted that; she probably should not know his taste for vengeance, but perhaps she needed to know how strongly he felt about her worth. “That made you think that you are a bother, in the way, somewhere you don’t belong. It’s not like that with me. Alina, you are everything. Everything. There is nowhere I’d rather be than by your side.”

“Then, why? Do I move too much? Keep waking you up? Am I kicking you in my sleep?”

“As you might recall, you had concerns about my lack of sleep before you entered my bed.”

“Yes, but it’s gotten worse.” She couldn’t possibly know exactly how much, but she knew enough. She could likely feel the exhaustion in him. Her hand reached up and caressed his cheek.

“Yes.”

“So, what is it? Tell me.”

“Alina, it’s fine. I don’t really want to bother you with my … darkness.”

Her eyes narrowed. “I don’t think that’s really how this is supposed to work.” Perhaps she had a point. “You so easily notice in me how my past has affected me, scarred me, so that I always think I don’t deserve to be cared for, but you don’t notice it in yourself. You think the burdens are all yours to bear, that no one would notice or care how those burdens are affecting you. Why is that?”

He took a deep breath. She had seen right through to the truth. She didn’t have to know all the details; she still saw it. He realized that he had to not only give himself permission to love after all of these years--that his heart had taken off with immediately despite his head advising caution--he also had to give himself permission to trust, to share. It was new. He had never really had anyone, not even as a child. They had moved too often to let him bond with anyone. Baghra had forbidden him to confide in any of the other Grisha children, and he knew he couldn’t trust them. Even when he tried to share his feelings with his mother, she had gotten angry and punished him or lectured him and called him a fool. Luda had come close, but he had never really let those walls down all the way, even with her. He knew she would die some day and then there would be the pain, but he had regretted not living in the moment with her when he had the chance, before … And Alina was different. She could be the true partner he’d waited all his life for. That meant he had to learn to act like the one she deserved. “Sharing is hard for me,” he admitted. “I’ve never really been able to.”

“Aleksander, you can trust me.”

He could try to share, as best he could, so she wouldn’t worry it was her. “It is my problem, not yours. It’s just, since the assassination attempt … knowing Zlatan means to kill you … I could not survive, Alina. Now that I’ve had you, I could not take …” She would not understand the depth of the pain, but it was the best explanation he could give. “When I fall asleep, I have nightmares of your death, so forgive me for preferring to stay awake.”

She took a shaky breath as she processed all that. “Okay … okay, then we deal with the nightmares together.”

“Alina …”

“Does having me here make it better at all? Or is it worse?”

“I am doing immensely better being able to see for myself that you are alright when I awake from those nightmares. Much better than pacing my chambers worrying until I can see you again.”

“Have you noticed anything else that makes it better?”

A smile played across his face as he thought of his answer. “You are going to think that I am only trying to get more sex.”

“Sex makes it better?” She laughed softly. “Were you actually about to say that to me? Sex makes it better. Maybe I do think you just want that more, but I’m not complaining.”

“It’s … feeling the connection to you, your warmth radiating through me. It keeps the darkness at bay for a short while.”

“Actually, that gives me an idea. Will you trust me to try it?”

He nodded.

“Lie down. Close your eyes.”

He wanted to argue, but she had asked him to trust her, so he complied and tried to will the grim images from appearing in his head. She placed her hand on his chest, and then he felt it, her light, her warmth, surrounding him, enveloping him. His eyes flew open to stare at her in appreciation. It did feel so different.

“Better?”

He nodded. It did help.

“Then we take shifts. You guard over me for a while. I know that makes you feel safer. And then when it is your turn to sleep, I will keep you warm and protected. I need to practice my power more anyway, and you need sleep if you are to properly protect me. It benefits us both.”

He smiled at her concern. It was that genuine care for him, so different from the eagerness of others to benefit from his power, that was making him truly fall in love with her. He leaned in and kissed her. “Okay, let’s try.”