#but my therapist also said that me being in a long term relationship is a green flag for clem

[peechglaze]

I’m loving your takes on tlou show. I think the best way to enjoy the show as a game fan is to separate the two as “alternate universes” and I’m personally loving the show so far. I’ve seen a lot of discussion that ellie is not “angry enough” or lacks urgency in seattle. watching the show we need to consider that joel died 3 months ago. in the game ellie had one week before she left for seattle and the emotions were RAW. in the show ellie was stuck in a hospital severely injured. she had time to grieve joel on a surface level of “I miss him” and stew in her hatred towards abby, but its also clear that she has not processed the trauma at all. it seems to me like shes trying to completely avoid the reality of what happened. I’m really liking the psychological angle they’re going with in the series. shes overcompensating with dina trying to make it seem like everythings okay and supressing her true emotions completely. we only see it bubble up sometimes (guitar scene) but then she pushes it back down again. finding nora has opened the floodgates and made everything come to the fore. I think episode 6 is really going to unlock this side of her that has been laying dormant. remembering what was taken cruelly from her and not being able to fully mend her relationship with joel before he died. she’s wanted abby dead this whole time, but now she’s really starting a downward spiral she can’t come back from. and I’m excited to see it. sorry for the long message!

You read my mind, anon!! 🫶

I think this is one of the only ways as a game fan to truly enjoy it.

Is it a perfect, true tlou adaptation? Not at all. Do I wish it was? Sometimes! But it's been so much fun to see it all unfold and notice what little changes to a characters motivations, their backstory, and the environment around them does to the narrative.

Ellie's arc this season has been really interesting to me for the exact reasons you've said, and I will never truly understand the 'Ellie isn't angry enough' arguments.

Like you've said, in the game she leaves as soon as possible. She is still bruised and battered from the assault. The flowers on Joel's porch haven't had a chance to wilt, and the dirt on his grave is freshly turned. She can't stop thinking about what happened for even a second, and when she does it makes her feel sick with guilt.

In the show, Ellie has had three months to sit with it-- literally. She's been in hospital this whole time with nothing to do but think about that day, so while she's still angry and grieving, it's not an open wound. It's an ugly scar that is ready to tear back open again after enough strain.

She also has no leads. She didn't see the WLF patch, she didn't hear any names or where they were from. The only other person who was there, Dina, never mentioned anything she knew until Ellie was out of the hospital. So while I do think that Ellie might have still gone down Abby's path and tried to find as much info as she could-- when she was in the hospital, she would have had to come to terms with the fact that Joel was dead and she had nothing on the people who did it.

Not only did she have time to sit there in it, to think about what happened, but she was also forced to try and talk about it out loud with a therapist at least a handful of times.

Ellie learned a lot of things from Joel, and talking openly about how you feel is something that he quickly snubbed out. She was already keeping things close to her chest, but Joel absolutely did not help-- especially when it came to openly grieving.

Even if that wasn't the case, I doubt she'd be willing to open up so quickly about such a traumatising moment. So she does the thing she has a habit of doing which is deflect, lie, and shove it down. But she's already done that with so many other things that she doesn't have much room left-- and this, Joel's death, is huge.

So yeah, Ellie has moments in Seattle where she's focused on Dina. She's excited to be a parent, to live a life with her girlfriend that she's probably thought about so many times before but never let herself consider a possibility. Because she's had enough time to trick herself into thinking that she can give that to herself. She's spent enough time telling people that she's fine, that it's sad and she's upset but she's okay now that she believes it too.

But she's not. And really, she knows this. Just like how Joel tricked himself into thinking that he did nothing wrong, but deep down he knew what he did. Like father like daughter.

I also don't see enough people bring up the fact that HBO!Ellie has been angry right from the very start. She's had this anger simmering in her since Riley died, the moment that she realised that for some reason she was different and that life would treat her unfairly.

She's a lot more resentful of her immunity than she is in the game. We see this especially when she carves the skin open on that one infected that's trapped under the rubble, and she spends a good long while looking at the mycellium underneath. She stares at it so blankly, then in a fit of anger she stabs the infected clean through its skull and kills it.

She mentions to Dina while trying to convince her that she is immune how she wishes she wouldn't wake up and still be her. You can easily read this as her wanting to be 'normal', or a hint to her suicidal thoughts, but no matter what it comes back to her and being immune and the survivors guilt that comes with that.

She's been living with this emotion inside of her for a long time, so I think it's fair to say that it contributes to her demeanor now. She's used to feeling like this, but now that she's given an outlet in Nora, a 'perfect' situation where she can finally feel the full effect of everything she's been bottling up for three months-- for 5 years?

That's where we get game!Ellie's anger seeping through.

Sorry that my message was too long!! I could talk about these games and show for hours (obviously LMAO) <3 Thank you for talking with me!!!

[beautifulcherryblossomcoffee]

I NEED TO UNPACK SOME THINGS I NEED TO UNPACK SOME THINGS OHHHHH NOOOOO

[deeplyshalllow]

Omg I’m a moron… for over a decade… I’ve interpreted the DTL lyrics as being:

Nothing matters, [except] knowing [the mantra] “Nothing Matters”.

Like hakuna matata. But just now I realised it’s

Nothing matters, [so] [the act of] knowing nothing [is what] matters

🤦🤦🤦

Still. Oof, depressing.

The causes you care about don’t matter to those in power. Trying to do or say anything about it is not fashionable, nor acceptable amongst your rank of society. It’s futile and only makes you look like a fool, it brings embarrassment and ridicule upon your associates and family, it causes disagreements and fights. All of which will make your life miserable. (There’s a cost, there are things you’ll lose, there are bridges you’ll cross…) So don’t talk about it, stop thinking about it. Heck, don’t think at all. And life will be so much easier for you. More bearable. Yikes to go grimdark, Fiyero is lucky he was just kept away in universities and not sent away for a lobotomy or something, that is if Winkie Country’s politics weren’t aligned with Animal rights

to get lighthearted again:

Don’t wish, don’t start, wishing only wounds the heart. […] Elphaba could be that activist, but Fiyero can’t be like Elphaba….. OR CAN HE *dramatic music change* (❗️Fiyero has been emboldified. ❗️Fiyero no longer gives a twig. ⁉️ Fiyero has been given a gun— wait who signed off on that, wai—)

My ex therapist once said that I overthink and care about things too much, so I’d better stop, because it was making me sick and was going to kill me. And yet, the thinking and caring too much, was also what was keeping me alive. What a Catch-22! /s Go figure!

I also realised:

Make sure you’re where less trouble is rife!

Is not

Make sure you wear less,

And therefore not suggesting that Fiyero’s go-to defence mechanism, if he finds himself in trouble, is to start stripping off. Turn that fight break-out into a fight make-out. Make love not war. For over ten years I’d thought “yeah that sounds like a philosophy he’d have.”

Ten plus slutty, slutty years

The notion of “you’re not here to be politically controversial, you’re here to promote cheer/ your job isn’t to think, your job is to stand there looking handsome” (a variation of being seen and not heard, oh dear [FOOTNOTE]) … like when Mme Morrible and Glinda prevent Fiyero from speaking to the crowd in Thank Goodness comes to mind. On the one hand, the assumption that he’s incapable of knowing anything would allow him to acquire great information as a double agent, but on the other hand he’s successfully barred from knowing that the public celebration is for his own engagement, which he wasn’t even asked about. They didn’t think he could be trusted to consent to an engagement?? Ouch. And yet they trusted that he would perform/feel socially pressured enough to people-please and accept without fuss.

To take it way further, it could even be argued as if Glinda couldn’t trust him to not be “stupid” and choose the “wrong” fiancée… (even if she thought it would be for his own good and keep him safe from trouble in the long term. If this had been the case it backfired spectacularly)

Fiyero really do be out there getting objectified and treated like an object in Act 2- it seems out of his control compared to Act 1 where it was on his own terms.

What are your thoughts on the engagement, by the way?

Do you think it encouraged any spark of resentment towards Glinda?

If they had gotten married— ie, if there was a larger time gap between Elphaba returning to the Emerald City and Fiyero still couldn’t track her down— do you think Glinda and Fiyero’s married relationship might echo that of Nessarose and Boq? In which one feels kept/caged [FOOTNOTE] by duty, and the other possessive/fearing abandonment?

(Even more grimdark au where this married Fiyero’s growing stress, depression, and risk of disobedience puts him on Morrible/Wizard-prescribed medication, which Glinda wants to believe is helping him stay happy and carefree, when really it’s just keeping his thoughts muddled… I’d cry… why did I make myself sad like that??)

* THE FOOTNOTE: any comparisons of Fiyero with Animals (given his book origins as ambiguously indigenous/a poc) outside his political alignments is unintentional on my part. But the ammo is present, I guess. Dehumanisation is a Wicked theme. But I’m leaving that potential can of worms to the pros though

This Ask turned into a terrible flow of consciousness, SINCERE apologies, *hits ask anyway*

Yeah, honestly, poor Fiyero. I think the interesting conundrum about him, and one of the reasons he's so depressed, is that he should be in a position where he has some power. He's a prince possibly an heir to the Vinkus, he's what everyone in Oz loves, handsome, charming and generally good. But it's very obvious that he thinks he can't actually do anything, so he doesn't try ("those who don't try, never look foolish"). He sort of lets life pass him by at the beginning of the musical, doing what others expect of him.

And then there's Elphaba, who isn't at all what Oz wants, but even so she does fight, she does do what is right and she cares more about her cause than what people think. And I think that is what changes and inspires him - because suddenly there is a way to do good, it opens up a world for him that he wouldn't otherwise know, and by act 2 he is happy to divert from his expected path to explore this.

Fiyero and Glinda, on the other hand... Glinda is who Fiyero would expect to end up with - both personally and by society. It's the path everyone expects both of them to take. It probably would be where he ended (or at least with a girl like her) if it wasn't for Elphaba giving him another option - a path he'd prefer. So Glinda, who is different to Fiyero because she does her best to stick to the path that is intended for her, ends up having to be the one to pull him along that path (hence the surprise engagement - clearly he wasn't proposing fast enough!)

Ultimately, of course, Fiyero is given the option to choose and follow Elphaba (the unplanned path) but had he not? I think had he not met Elphaba, he'd have probably been content enough, not happy but not knowing much better, with Elphaba but no opportunity to leave? Yeah, I think it would be an unhappy marriage, by this point in the musical, though Fiyero and Glinda clearly do care for each other, they don't actually have much in common, especially not in terms of morals. I think Fiyero would resent standing there smiling when he could be doing good, and Glinda would start blaming him for ruining the happiness that she always expected to have when she married him. I think you can already see traces of this in Thank Goodness tbh.

I hope that answers your question :)

[ilsolefiesta]

some self-analytic observations based on my natal chart

1. the 9th house Moon & Saturn + Sagittarius IC conjunction with Chiron always make me think that my true happiness and home are elsewhere but here. I'm always dreaming of moving abroad but Saturn... I've never even travelled abroad. hope I make it someday.

2. also about the 9th house Moon. I can't say for sure if this is the reason... maybe I can also add Pisces DSC here. but all my relationships (there have only been two of them, lol) had some... foreign fleur, I guess? despite the fact that there were no actual cultural or mental differences between us, my first boyfriend still was from a different nationality. as for the second one, he was a Sagittarius with experience of living in different countries. well, when is my turn, huh???

3. some people might consider Libra Venus in the 2nd house to be materialistic... WELL, I can say that this is only partly true. perhaps the restrictions of Virgo's placements don't allow me to go crazy with money issues. but to be honest... both of my ex-partners had a better financial status than me. I swear, I didn't choose them for that reason!!!

4. my Taurus Moon (Moon again...) makes me a true foodie. my mood totally depends on whether or not I've eaten. I've had situations where I get mad at someone simply because I'm hungry. I see delicious food as the main source of happiness in my life. and here goes big BUT. my Moon is squared by Uranus, so guess who has eternal dieting periods and eating disorder?

5. my Sagittarius Pluto is located in my 3rd house and it is also the ruler of this house. my little sister, who is Rising Sagittarius with Scorpio Moon, and I have a really deep relationship, but we ALWAYS seem to have intense and sarcastic arguments. she is extremely emotional and vulnerable (+ Cancer Sun), so she often attacks before someone else can hurt her, like a hedgehog. my cutie.

6. continuing the topic of the Moon and family in general. my Taurus Moon has made my relationship with my mother seem a bit... materially focused? I love her dearly, but for a long time I saw her as someone who just cooked, bought my clothes, earned money and was concerned about my physical well-being. in terms of emotions we were stable and neutral. by contrast, my sister has far more intense feelings - they have many arguments, resentments and mutual claims. it's strange and fun to witness this love-hate dynamic.

7. I also see a connection between the charts of our parents and our charts. my mother is Rising Cancer with Sagittarius Sun. it's vice versa for my sister. despite the fact that she is an exact copy of our father in terms of appearance... my 1st house Sun makes me a real father's daughter. btw, he had Libra Sun with Virgo placements. so, it's again vice versa. my personality is greatly influenced by his, and his upbringing has had a significant impact on me. having Chiron conjunction with IC as a family house... losing him is still one of my most painful wounds.

8. 1° Virgo Mars in the 12th house supported by Capricorn Lilith... I'm still learning how to deal with my anger in a healthy way and the need to control everything. sometimes I feel a truly destructive desire to release my anger, even if it hurts other people. in such cases, I usually go for a walk alone for about 30.000 steps to fix it and calm down.

9. the conjunction of my Jupiter and MC makes me extremely delusional about becoming famous and global. I'm not sure what to do about it. maybe I should see a therapist.

10. the connection (however it's not very accurate in my case, somewhere it is stated to be a conjunction) of Venus and Mercury in Libra is usually said to have some special, magnetic voice features. while I cannot say for sure what is meant by "special features", I've often been told that my voice and way of speaking have a calming effect on people and can even make them feel sleepy if they listen for too long.

11. I guess, it's again about my active 9th house, but I'm good at learning foreign languages and it comes naturally to me.

12. having Rahu in my 11th house... I guess it has an aim to teach me how important friends are. my social circle greatly changed many times over the years.  I've had about 10 "best friends", but we don't communicate anymore. as my 11th house is in Cancer, each time it was very personal and dramatic for me. so, at some point I began to think about friends with "easy come - easy go" philosophy and didn't want to be attached to someone anymore. after that, I met someone who has been my best friend for four years already, and we've been through living together, long-distance communication, shared interests, traveling together, and haven't had any serious arguments yet. I think this is also connected to my Ketu-Lilith conjunction in Capricorn and control issues, something from "previous" karmic experience. after learning to let things go their own way, I have succeeded.

13. having my Saturn in square with my Mars makes me a kinda... renegade? I've always had troubles with authority figures, like teachers and directors. like "why should I listen to and respect you if you're saying nonsense?" however, my Mars is weak, so I tend to just silently complain and endure it, haha.

14. also, there is an interesting connection between Sagittarius IC and Gemini Saturn in the 9th house. my family is strongly religious and I was raised according to Christian beliefs. as the 9th house is also the house of faith, guess whose Gemini Saturn is rationalizing everything and saying: "it has nothing to do with me. I cannot simply believe in something 1) unjust 2) having weak evidence" etc. I guess my family secretly hates me for this when we discuss religion...

15. Libra Venus trine Aquarius Uranus has given me a good aesthetic sense in terms of visual arts. I'm not that bad at digital art (art in general, but that's not the main issue). damn, why it feels like I'm bragging... nevertheless, my friends and family often ask me to take photos of them and do "post-production", as I've been learning Photoshop since I was 11. I'm really a huge perfectionist when it comes to it. I "blame" Uranus specifically because it rules technologies.

16. Mercury is the dominant planet in my chart and it doesn't have any harsh aspects. + it forms a trine with my Uranus. I learned to speak when I was around 1-1.5 years old.

17. I don't know why, but Virgo Sun & Ascendant haven't made me obsessed with cleaning, despite the stereotypes. in fact, my house often gets messy. HOWEVER, when I do start cleaning, it can take up the whole day...

18. Sun and Ascendant in the same sign really make me really obvious to define. people often say that I'm that one pedantic killjoy when it comes to communication. I'm really sorry about this, but I can't help it, haha.

19. Pluto in the 3rd house + Virgo Mars in the 12th house, I guess, is the duo which explains my irrational love to songs with some harsh, disrespectful, and dark lyrics. I mention Virgo Mars here because I feel that it helps me to deal with my internal aggression properly. and also Libra Venus and Mercury in the 2nd house... my guilty pleasure is to listen to rappers' lyrics, when they sing about being broke nonames initially and achieving money, girls, fame and, overall, being on top now.

20. active 5th house with Leo as a ruler of the 12th house... it's tough. I really enjoy imagining myself on stage, receiving attention. I think I have a potential at least to act 'cause my image and appearance can dramatically change if I want them to. a friend of my ex-boyfriend, who saw my Instagram profile once said that he couldn't believe that the same person was in all the photos. my makeup artist also told me that I have the appearance of a chameleon and it's possible to create any image on it. but the reality is cruel and when I actually receive attention, I become scared and shy, not knowing what to do next. is there any way to overcome this..?

21. btw, Virgo ASC and that "you can be anyone" feature. I personally believe that it's hard to identify them by their appearance as this ASC can give a slightly... standardized appearance? especially if a certain person has some strong planets connected to ASC / the 1st house (for example, my 1st house Sun gave me red hair when I was a child), they can easily be mistaken for anyone. I may be biased, but you can identify Virgo Rising by their behavior or style, but not by physical traits.

Thank you for reading!

Maybe there are some mistakes, so I'm sorry.

That's how my first post came to be. I've talked a lot about myself. Damn. But writing about oneself is always the easiest thing to do. Hope someone can find it relatable. I'm opened to discuss your placements if you want to!

Pictures credits: Pinterest

[genderqueerdykes]

In terms of cishet allies, I live in rural Philippines where there is a lot queerphobes and my parents were definitely once queerphobic, but since my brother came out to my mom as having a boyfriend and I came out as aroace, she's been extremely supportive and tries her best to learn more about the queer community!

She went from trying to say that queer stuff was just a "difference in the generations" to actively pointing out ace characters in shows to me and how she gets excited to do so and helping my brother vent out his frustrations about relationships. She also excitedly tells me about stuff that she learns from her work seminars about the queer community and new possible laws regarding queer rights (since she works in the justice system) and gets defensive when she hears other colleagues talk badly about gay people.

Granted, she did that even before she fully got rid of the queerphobia actually (there was a prosecutor who was being shitty about a gay victim and she was quick to defend him). She was even very open to me possibly being a lesbian and was ready to support me and was more worried that other people would hurt me if I was before I even came out to her as aroace.

My dad was a little harder to turn around and I don't think he's fully there yet but he's been supportive lately and has even started saying more positive things about the local queer community when just less than five years before he didn't wanted to listen to a news report about a new BL series here. He's also been more positive about queer creatives too and generally enjoys himself with consuming media with queer characters and creators. He also said that he was happy to hang up my pride flag when he has time so I do think he's come a long way.

And that's just my parents when there were other supportive cishet people in my life that helped me a lot even before coming out to my parents like my high school counselor being supportive of me when I came out to her and my therapist being open to learn more about aromanticism and asexuality when I came out to her too!

Sorry for the long message, but yeah, there are cishet allies out there even when there's a lot of queerphobes and yeah, it's going to be really tough, but there are people out there who are open to take care of you, defend you, and even change for you even if they aren't from the same community as you.

hey that's so cool to hear from someone in the Philippines! thank you so much for sending this!

i think that's absolutely beautiful. that's the thing- change takes time. when it's approached with care and grace, it can happen for the better. if we give people the time to adapt and grow, they can flourish. that is absolutely amazing, i'm glad your mom is so supportive, and that your dad is coming along, too! absolutely beautiful to hear you and your brother have that support, i'm so happy for you both!

[lykaios2]

You don’t have to do this, this is just me asking, but do you think you could do a yonder ROTTMNT  brothers x autistic reader? (separate of course)

my good [insert gender neutral term used to reference a person here], if you put something into my inbox I am going to write it

anyway uh little disclaimer: I may be self diagnosed with autism but by no means does that make me an expert, people's experiences are different and I don't mean to stick stereotypes on people

anyways hope you enjoy! ❤️

Leo:

-Leo thinks you’re adorable

-All of your little stims and fidget toys

-But a lot of his romantic gestures seem to be off the table

-He loves looking into your eyes, but he doesn’t like it when you don’t look into his

-He’ll turn your face towards his so he can see your beautiful eyes

-Sometimes you’ll tear up because you’re uncomfortable from the long period of eye contact

-But he only thinks it makes your eyes more beautiful

-He is also very fond of picking you up out of nowhere

-While he knows you don’t like being scared like that, it’s the only way other than holding hands that he can be close to you

-(But sometimes he’ll break into your home at night and cuddle with you while you sleep)

Raph:

-Raph loves taking care of youHe knows very well that you need some extra help sometimes

-And he’s very glad that he’s the one that can give it to you

-His favorite thing is giving you bear hugs to help with your sensory issues

-In that moment, you’re safe in his arms, and he’s the only one you’ll ever need

-But he doesn’t like when other people help you

-He’s supposed to be your one and only savior

-The only one who knows what you need, that can help you

-One time you asked if you could go see a therapist to help with your anxiety, and he got very upset

-“Why would you need to go see anyone else? I’m all you’ll ever need, babe…no one else knows you like I do. They can’t help you like I can. You don’t need to see a therapist.”

-He said in such a loving tone that you were even convinced he was right…

Mikey:

-Mikey puts you first

-He knows everything that you need

-He is so eager to help you, in fact, that sometimes he goes a little overboard

-Every day he gives you a new fidget toy to use

-And he gets very sad if you reject his offer

-(Even though you already have hundreds)

-He tends to treat you like a kid

-Asking how your day’s been, if you need anything

-He cooks you food, drives you everywhere, puts you to bed

-It gets a little annoying sometimes, being treated like that

-But if anyone were to even lay a finger on you, he goes full defensive mode

-God forbid anyone insult you

Donnie:

-As someone who also has autism, he understands your needs

-But he still gets a little frustrated sometimes

-He wants to love you, but you make it a little hard sometimes

-His unexpected hugs from behind often make you jump, which he doesn’t like

-Your need to be alone more often than usual makes him mad

-Whenever you’re stressed or anxious, he tries to calm you down with hugs and kisses, which only makes it worse

-He has fidget toys on hand for you, because he knows those will always calm you down

-He gets mad whenever he has to use them, though

-He doesn’t like that something else has your attention more

-He also doesn’t understand why his love won't calm you down

-Your love and affection will calm him down, so why doesn’t it work the other way around?

-And sure, you may have autism, but so does he

-So why can he be the only “normal” one in the relationship?

[carrawayband]

I've never felt the need to come out.

Oh boy, here's a long winding text post, for context my band has recently finished recording our debut album- you can listen to the first single Mile marker (it's on all platforms and you can find all our accounts on my pinned post or like one post under this I literally linked them all) It has been our most successful release to date, I've gotten many kind messages about the song and I really appreciate anyone who takes the time to interact with our art. This music is something I've been working on for a long time and comes from a very genuine place that I started making when I felt like I would never make music again.

That being said... I tag everything I do with LGBT and some people have asked me "Nick, why do you do that?" Which is a fair question. I think I've thrown the off hand mention of identifying with the term "queer" here and there but I literally have not in my entire life "come out" as anything. This has been and I guess still feels like the case to me even in the process of writing this post, I don't feel the need to "come out" as I never thought I was "straight" or "cisgender" I never openly identified as a man... I've always dressed weird and as a kid I was as into "girly" things as I was the masculine things. I never thought of myself of as a guy, or a girl. As a kid I didn't really experience "crushes" as a lot of my peers did. That was fine, I equated a few very strong platonic friendships particularly with members of the opposite sex as crushes. That being said there was never the slightest bit of real romantic feeling there. I still have a hard time distinguishing those feelings, but I've been in a relationship for coming up on three years and I'm lucky enough that my partner understands that sometimes I just don't feel traditionally romantic.

What's the point of this winding post? I don't really know, I wanted to make a post to explain to all the new friends I've made here and old friends who I've never really explained anything about my sexuality or gender identity to that I definitely don't feel I fit into the cisgender heterosexual binary- I think labels are a really difficult thing... I never have cared to describe my gender, I haven't thought of myself as a man really ever. As far as sexuality goes when I was younger I messed around with a few like pan and bi but the truth is I never have really thought about gender at all when it comes to attraction but just feel saying bisexual is the easiest cop out to those close enough to know that my celebrity crushers were both Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone (those are still the BEST Spiderman movies and I'll fight ANYONE). The one label I do know properly describes me is aro/ace and that is something that I have told two people in the entire world. My partner and my therapist. Well three now, Tumblr you count as one person <3.

I try to be as genuine to who I am on here and in my music as I can. I have always felt a strong connection to the queer community and a lot of our music has themes and messages that directly relate to that feeling. I don't want to be a big sap who's just posting some crazy long post to make everyone go OH CONGRATS. this isn't congrats-able this is barely even a coherent post. This is just me being honest and the truth is I appreciate you all and I want to be honest about my identity both with you and myself- without making a seemingly trite sappy post like this I feel like I'd be doing a disservice to those who feel like their identities aren't represented by there peers and also as a disservice to myself for not being honest with the people I appreciate most.

Listen to Mile Marker. Yes I'm plugging AGAIN in the coming out post. We have so much music to come and I hope you're around for it. I appreciate that you would take the time to read this.

tl;dr Nick identifies as queer and aro/ace

[thistransient]

Halfway through July, and I have neglected to write my yearly birthday introspection, although it did occur to me that between my birthday and the new year I was in fact doing two introspections a year anyways.

For certain reasons I've been waffling about it, but it's also quite nice to be able to look back and compare with the previous year, to see what's changed (sometimes unexpectedly) and what's still the same. Last year I mentioned I "made a close friend [...] and disentangled myself from a draining relationship", but in the end I had been drawn to said friend because he was the polar opposite of the person I was disentangling myself from, and while a different extreme might have been refreshing in the moment, that too was unsustainable in the long run. I think what finally dragged me out of the cycle of too-clingy/too-distant nebulous just-friends-but-what-if sort of relationships was twofold: I started going to counselling with a goal (not the usual "I feel like I'm having a breakdown so I'll see a therapist for 3-6 months before ditching"), and also got into a communal hobby such that I was able to make casual friends and attend regular and diverse events with a time limit (rather than laser focusing on one person and relying on them for all my socialising).

A year ago I said I was feeling adrift, goal-less, and filled with the sort of summer malaise inspired by the scorching Taipei weather this time of year. Unfortunately we are still rather scorched. The temperature and UV levels somewhat put a damper on my usual practice of walking around outside looking at things. On the positive side, I did struggle through the adrift-ness and applied for one (1) grad school program over the winter, which I didn't get into but I did learn that I feel better when I'm working on something, and I was also motivated to finally take Taiwan's Chinese proficiency exam to open up my options for the sort of programs I could try for in the future (I passed a level higher than I expected to, and it was great to feel acknowledgment of my competence at something I'd really put long-term effort into). After the grad school rejection I started planning the trip to Ladakh, which allllmost felt like it involved a similar level of paperwork and fuss- and actually pulling that off in the end (ok, even tho this was after my birthday) despite all my fears and anxiety (particularly around travelling post-transition) was also a great confidence boost. (For a week after I also had this frantic urge to drastically change my life, and I can't tell if it wore off with time or if the heat simply drained out all ambition beyond staying out of the sun and sitting in front of the fan eating cold dragonfruits.)

I have at least two proper goals now, and although one may require starting over entirely from an educational standpoint, as they say, "the time will pass anyways". On my bike rides at night I do tend to start pondering what shall become of me, creeping along in the years but being no closer to permanent or even temporary residency status than any other time I write about it either wistfully or with well-intentioned but otherwise ultimately futile determination, nor feeling like I am useful for any sort of capitalist pursuits. (I suppose this is the part of reflection wherein things have stayed the same, and we must stay tuned for next year.) But I also believe I have made some progress in deflating a little the omnipresent catholic guilt at simply existing, not to mention the adjacent notion that enjoying life a bit and not being maximally miserable at all times is a SIN. By this I mean I have gone twice now to a nice hair salon to let a beautiful woman shampoo, condition, and also give me a haircut that doesn't bear a strong resemblance to a bichon-frise immediately after.

All in all, I would say the verdict is incremental improvement. (Okay maybe I'm also racking up incremental nerve damage from all the shibari but you win some you lose some.) My housing/employment/visa-running status hasn't changed dramatically but I feel more hopeful and kinder with myself. I think my Chinese reading speed has kicked up a notch. I've managed to keep the instant noodle consumption under control. I've sent a lot of postcards on my quarterly trips, which are generally well-received. I have taken great delight in growing many plants in the window cage (whether they survive is another thing, RIP to the tomato plants while I was away, bravo to the basil that miraculously rehydrated from what seemed to be a completely unsalvageable state, sorry to the lemon tree sprout that was apparently doing fine on its own before I came back and over-watered it to death). Things feel kinda okay, and I used to be quite suspicious of this because surely they were only going to get worse again, but these days I figure hey, even so, might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

[joycew-blog]

Special RnM Ask:

If you were given the opportunity to write one episode dedicated to Rick in a romantic relationship, who would you ultimately pair him with? Why? What would happen, or what sort of plotline would you go with?

Oh jeez, that's a very good question. If it were a sexual relationship it would be one thing, but a romantic one? You've definitely given me food for thought. I think it really depends on where Rick is at in the story. If I were to write it right now (so directly after season 7) I think he's still very busy getting his shit together. He's not stable enough to get in a proper romantic relationship that isn't toxic or won't fall apart. That doesn't mean he can't try to tho! I just don't think it would be something that would work for long term. But if I were to pick a scenario it could either be a random new alien character that he quickly got attached to (like Daphne in season 5) or an existing character that he has a past with. I rather pick existing characters since that's easier for me to imagine and write for. My first thought was Mr Nimbus, but then I also saw a mention somewhere of Curtis which would be a good choice as well. But I prefer to pick Nimbus cause he really deserves more screentime and he has some sort of past with Rick that could be shown in the episode. So if I were to write the episode itself it would start with some sort of peace treaty. Rick bringing back the conch and sort of apologizing in his own Rick-ish way for being a dick. Maybe he even got pushed to do this by his family or therapist. They'll bicker a lot and it looks like it'll end in a fight again, but at the same time Rick brought back the conch which is unusual for him, so they decide to bury the hatchet for now.

Rick didn't know what to do next so, well... why not visit Nimbus' kingdom? It's been a long while and it might be a good start to keep the peace going. Of course knowing both Rick and Nimbus, things get horny real fast and they are having a one-night stand. They both had a great time and that's how the snowball started rolling. Rick visits Nimbus more often and it puts him in a good mood, to the point that even his family starts to get suspicious. Summer starts calling him out for being in 'loooveeeee' and Morty tries to stop her from doing that cause he's happy that Rick's happy. But the seed is planted and now things get too intimate for Rick. And Rick being Rick he of course starts to push Nimbus away. In return Nimbus gets angry and confronts him about it and they start fighting again. During the fight they start screaming what goes through their minds by insulting each other, digging in their personalities etc. Until Rick yells "I can't believe my grandkids think I fucking fell in love with you!" Anddd that made Nimbus stop fighting real fast and he looks at Rick like he's grown two heads. They talk it out and find out that their feelings are mutual; They are not in love, but definitely love to keep hanging out with each other more. They work best as friends with very good benefits.

Maybe it gets a bit fanficy at the end there tho, but I do genuinely believe that their relationship works best as friends in the end.

But! I have a second answer! Like I said before, if Rick were to go in a relationship right now it would not end well. But if I were to look at endgame? Then Birdrick would definitely be on the table! However, I don't think this a relationship that would get build and written in one episode. Rick and BP have a strained relationship right now, they are barely on speaking terms, so I think we should have more episodes of them together in general before they go in a romantic direction. Like Rick meeting Birddaughter, perhaps by rescuing her from the Galactic Federation cause she got caught again. Or maybe she's heard a lot of stories about Rick from the Federation that made her curious. Maybe have BP and Rick reminisce about the past! I'm definitely still curious what music the Flesh Curtains were making. And after allll that buildup we can have an episode where they get together. It could perhaps be more dramatic, like them going on an adventure and things go very wrong! One of them ends up on the verge of dying, which in turn makes the other realize they don't want to live without the other anymore. And things kinda keep going from there.

So I think there's a lot of different possibilities about having a romantic episode with Rick. But it would definitely be a hectic one, since Rick is a dumb-dumb when it comes to feelings and it's definitely an R&M thing to do. And also it would be queer as fuck, no more being sneaky on wither Ricks falls for guys or not! Unless that's already been established in an earlier episode.

(ohmygod this got so long, I wasn't expecting to write a fanfic today)

[nerdieforpedro]

Questions and Confessions

Chapter Two of A Safe Place for Us

Dieter Bravo x Aisha Smith (black plus size AFAB)

My entire masterlist and blog are for readers 18+ MDNI. I do not consent to my work being used in AI, recommended on TikTok, borrowed or plagiarized.

Summary: Aisha is firm on her plans on having a baby by way of a sperm donor. During a FaceTime call, Dieter is honest about what he really thinks.

Warnings: last time we're mentioning sperm donation I swear, pregnancy kink (I dunno where it came from and why it is still here, but yeah), mentions of cum, Dieter rumors

Word Count: about 1.7k

Notes: I dug in hard with the friends to lovers/idiots and love and there's one more trope we'll see next few chapters. 🤭 It starts next one.

Main Masterlist/ Dieter Bravo Masterlist/ AO3 Link

As an Oscar winner, one would think Dieter would know how to fake his way through most situations. 

“I need five shots of tequila to even entertain this conversation Aisha, especially with you calling me while I’m filming.”

“When else am I supposed to tell you? I didn’t want to tell you over FaceTime, but you’ve been avoiding me during this whole process. You said you would come with me. I’ve rescheduled twice already.”

An exasperated Bravo leans back in his rolling chair in front of the desk in his hotel room. He can’t keep avoiding it. He told Aisha he’d go with her, but has had press and such he’s been doing. Really they could have waited but in a very un-Dieter fashion, he jumped at the chance to do them. Much to his agent and manager’s surprise. That way he would have a legitimate reason for not going with his friend to a sperm bank. The more he thought about it, he can’t watch her thumb through binders of other men and pick one to be her baby’s daddy. Can he tell her that? Be honest? His therapist suggested he should be but he’s gotten no indications for Aisha over the years that she’s thought of him as anything other than a friend.

“I was doing some press stuff Ai. It’s not that I didn’t want to.” That was the entire reason, he’s lied again.

“I’m making another appointment and I’m going. I’m in my mid-thirties. I want a kid. And you just said you were filming.”

“Shouldn’t you have the kid with someone though? Like not even just for the making of, just as support for you and the baby?” Maybe he can talk her out of it, but she caught him in his lie.

“I haven’t found anyone good enough for that. That I would even want to be with long term, let alone have a child with. I’m not subjecting myself to shitty relationships anymore Dee. You know that.” He does know that, it’s why he knows in the last two years since that failed engagement, she’s dated but it’s been nothing substantial. Bravo’s proud of Aisha for that. Knowing her worth, but does that mean he wasn’t even a thought? A possibility?

“So am I not good enough? I wasn’t even considered? God I’d thought I’d been doing a hell of a lot better. Being sober and all. I could be a good father Aisha. Better then some asshole in a binder.” There was silence. Why wasn’t she still talking? Fuck…he said that aloud didn’t he? Welp, he can say he’s been honest now. He can’t look at her, she’s likely disgusted. Who thinks about putting a baby in their best friend and tells them like this?

“Dieter what do you mean?”

He says nothing. His hands are covering his face. It’s mortifying. So much more therapy. She got to hate him now.

“Dieter. Explain.” Aisha’s voice is stern. “Look at me please.”

He hangs his head as he places his hands on the desk. It feels cool, he’s not even wearing his robe and he’s burning up. Dieter feels like he’s on fire, he might be re-considering what he’s about to say, but he’s already gone this far. “I…could be your sperm donor.” He finally looks at her. She looks shocked, which is reasonable. Her arms are crossed, also reasonable. “I just don’t think you need to go through all these hoops and money when I’m right here Aisha. Ready and willing. I can give you a baby.”

She doesn’t say anything. Dieter’s scared that he’s lost her. Maybe she’ll tell him never to speak to her again. This was one relationship outside of his career he hadn’t fucked up. Now he had. He can’t come back from this.

“H-How would that work? What does it look like?” Is what he hears her ask. Timid. He hadn’t gotten that far. Now he has to improvise, is it still improv if he’s just honest? “I hadn’t thought of asking you Dee, you’ve never mentioned kids. You’re not less than. I just didn’t think you wanted anything to do with it.” Her assessment isn’t wrong. Dieter did not want anything to do with Aisha being pregnant by a sperm donor. Being pregnant by him? He wants everything to do with that. Too many dreams about rubbing her round belly and then picturing a small burrito wrapped baby on a bed between them. Him smiling because it’s better than all the blow, molly and Kit Kats. Though when able, he would have the kid start eating Kit Kats and he might even share.

“Well I wouldn’t want it to be artificial insemination. We would do it the natural way, though we’d keep track of when you’re ovulating. I could keep my schedule a bit more open or fly you out to me in case I just can’t leave. Then when you do get pregnant,” He left no room for ambiguity, his mission would be to get her pregnant. Dieter finds it best not to dwell on the getting her pregnant part. His eyes haven’t left her face and she hasn’t looked away. Maybe there is a small universe where this is okay. “We’d go to your appointments together and come up with a birth plan. You are going to need to be out of that studio apartment. I know you love it, but you and our kid are going to need more room. Maybe a townhouse or a single family home. I don’t know if you just want to have one or more Aisha. But I’ll be there through all of it. You shouldn’t be doing this alone.” Dieter pauses knowing this is a confession, but it’s gonna all spill out. “We’ll co-parent some smart goofy ass kids Aisha. Maybe they’ll even be into the arts like us. I want to give you that. You deserve the world, but I know you know that. Kit Kat.”

Aisha is crying. It had been difficult to reconcile that she’d be choosing single parenthood. But from incompatible guys she’s been meeting on apps and her traitorous fiance, it seemed like the only option. It’s not like she was blind to Dieter’s charms. They’re only friends, it’s what is best for him. When Dieter starts blurring lines, he gets into trouble. He’s healthy and she doesn’t want to take that from him. She could tell he hated the idea, but much like when she sat him down to watch Grantchester he suffered through it for her. But now he’s talking about an entire life together with her and it seems like he’s thought about it a great deal. Would she be able to just co-parent with him? And not have him to herself? She’s happy he’s willing but she can only accept him with other women now because he’s just her friend. Anything else and she wants him to have only her while he’s suppling the seed and support. He didn’t mention anything about love or a relationship romantically.

“Dieter I…It sounds wonderful but I can’t.”

“Why won’t you let me give it to you Aisha? I just said-“

She holds her hand up to the screen. “I can’t co-parent. I’d want you there. As much as I could have you. I’m selfish and using you like this would be so mean to you and to myself. I can’t. Thank you for offering it to me. Good night Dee.” Aisha says his name softly as she concludes the call. 

Turns out in all his honesty, Bravo forgot to lead with the most important part, the entire reason he painted such a picture of their lives wasn’t just because she wanted this. It’s because he loved her and wanted to share it with her. “I’m such a dumbass.” Lamenting, he calls his driver and offers him a grand to get him to her address. He needs to make it clear. Let her know why and also ask her if that’s what she meant by ‘I’d want you here. As much as I could have you.’

Aisha goes to take a shower and can’t sleep. It’s horrible. The life he mentioned sounds perfect. It’s what she would want, when she got out, she applied lotion to her sepia brown skin, curious when she rubbed her flabby belly what it would look like pregnant. “With Dieter’s kid…oh.” She felt it when he was describing their possible life, he didn’t take his eyes off her. The entire time she felt guilty for her arousal while he was talking, even before when he said he wanted to be her sperm donor. That alone went right to her clit. He’s her friend who’s trying to help her out with something she wants. Dieter’s always been generous with her. She shakes her head and puts on her nightgown and robe, normally she doesn’t wear underwear in the evening when home alone. She grabs some ice cream and plops down on the couch, turning on Dateline. It ends up just noise as her mind wanders back to less than an hour ago. 

Into part two of why this seemingly happy wife murdered her husband and ran away with his mistress, heavy knocks are at her door. “Aisha! Open up! We need to talk! Aisha!” Panicked, she rushes to the door and pulls him inside. Her neighbors like their quiet.

“Dieter you can’t just yell and bang like that?!” Aisha is now yelling and talks a moment to calm herself. “There’s nothing to talk about.” She retakes her place on the couch. Bravo sits next to her.

“There is and it’s the reason why I told you what our lives could be.” He turns off the TV and holds her hands. Aisha looks up at him, he’s making her arousal worse. “The only reason I would think this hard about having a child is because it’s you Aisha. I love you. I wouldn’t want to have a kid with anyone else. And I don’t want you having a baby with a man who isn’t me. I want to be the one to put a baby in you.”

Aisha stands, not letting go of his hands as she makes her way backwards to her bedroom. “Then we’re starting now, Dieter. You’re going to pump me full of cum. I’m ready, get those sweatpants off. I can tell you’re not wearing boxers.” If he’s willing then she’ll see if he can really have sex with her. Given the rumors about Dieter, Aisha has always been curious if they’re well founded or not. 

Now she’ll be able to find out herself if any of them are true.

Names in the binder:

@megamindsecretlair @soft-persephone @soft-girl-musings @rosecentaur1916 @westside-rot

@mysterious-moonstruck-musings @schnarfer @yorksgirl @guelyury @readingiskeepingmegoing

@survivingandenduring @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @gwendibleywrites @pascalsanctuary @yorksgirl

Chapter One. Chapter Three

[hippolotamus]

Song 44 for a spotify inspired drabble please? If possible to Buddie? If not any ship is good!

Hello, friend!!!!! I thought for sure yours would be sad but the words took a very different direction. Also it's not even remotely drabble length... *shrugs*

Buck doesn’t remember exactly when the dreams started, just that it was sometime during his 1.0 phase. Like his subconscious realized before he did that sleeping around wasn’t cutting it. That he craved something deeper and more complex than purely physical relationships.

The first time he brushes the experience off as odd, but not necessarily unwelcome. He remembers “waking up” in his dream, laying in his bed. The thing that makes this different is the sense of calm and belonging. The feeling of being wanted. As far as he can tell, he isn’t imagining anyone else with him, yet he still feels like he’s being held. Truthfully, it’s nice. 

Night after night the dreams continue whether he’s at home or the station. Then, when he least expects it, they suddenly change. The entity cocooning around him begins to take on more shape, progressing with every sleep until there’s a fully formed person. 

The revelation, however intriguing, is frustrating because he isn’t allowed to see them. Whoever it is has strong arms, is about the same height, and holds him so close. Like Buck is the most precious person to exist. Sometimes he swears he can feel warm breath tickling the back of his neck. 

And then Buck begins dating Abby. As he spends the night more often, the dreams stop. He would be lying if he said that didn't bother him. Buck is happy with Abby – she’s sweet, beautiful, and the sex is nothing to complain about – but there’s something missing. It creates a persistent longing. An ache for a person who only exists in his dreams. Kinda pathetic when he thinks about it. That doesn’t stop the flood of relief when Abby leaves and the dreams begin again as if they never stopped.

Now, though, Buck gets more details. This person – man – has soft, chestnut hair; cheekbones that could probably cut glass;  thick, dark eyelashes; and a hint of stubble Buck longs to trace with this thumb and have it be real. He’s beautiful. A term Buck’s never really considered in terms of the guys he’s found attractive, but it fits here. 

The man always appears peaceful and unburdened, though not completely. As if there’s an undercurrent of worry that only leaves when he’s asleep. 

Buck starts to question his own sanity when he finds himself longing to soothe whatever is bothering his… person. If he didn’t think it would get him sent straight back to the department therapist he would say something to Bobby. And he’s not sure if he can take it to Hen either. So he keeps it to himself, researching anything he can find. Needless to say the results are disappointing. Every promising article or forum posting leads to an eventual dead end. He begins to consider that he may never have an explanation. 

~

“Now that is a beautiful man,” Chim exclaims.

“Where’s the lie? And I like girls,” Hen adds. 

Buck whips around to see who they’re talking about, nearly dropping his phone in the process. 

“Holy shit,” he murmurs. “It’s him.”

send me 1-100 and i'll write you a drabble based on the corresponding song

[ititledit]

Terrible headline choice, but overall I'm glad child free women are getting some mainstream coverage

________________

The number of women choosing not to have children is growing and the global birth rate is plunging.

While their reasons vary from climate worries to financial concerns and health complications, those making the decision to be "child-free by choice" say societal acceptance is yet to come, often leaving them feeling ostracised.

The BBC spoke to members of Bristol Childfree Women, a social group with more than 500 members, set up by women and for women who have decided not to have children.

While Caroline Mitchell always knew she never wanted children, she wasn't prepared for how hard reaching "child-bearing age" would be.

The 46-year-old, who lives with her husband in Brislington, Bristol, said while it never bothered her when she was younger, she had not anticipated the barrage of personal questions she would face as friends and acquaintances started to have children.

"I have felt like a freak because of it," she said.

"I feel like my perspective and my experience is just not acceptable."

In Caroline's eyes, society is set up for motherhood.

"You realise how you're quite excluded from a lot of life," she said.

"It's really hard for me to meet people, because it's all about the women you meet at the school gates or the writing clubs for mums."

Caroline said she thinks that sometimes women with children believe the "whole world" is set up for child-free women.

"Actually, it's really exclusionary," she said.

Many in her circle of friends have children and while they have never knowingly done anything to make her feel different, she says, the fact they are "all doing one thing" and she is doing another has been "quite hard".

While Caroline is "100% certain" and "very comfortable" in her identity, she admits she has, on occasion, “agonised" about her decision.

She said that was down to the "cultural expectation" of what was normal and the concept that if you were a woman, having a child was "the natural thing to do".

Official figures released in 2022, external show record numbers of women are reaching the age of 30 child-free.

More than half (50.1%) of women in England and Wales born in 1990 were without a child when they turned 30 in 2020, the first generation to do so, according to the Office for National Statistics.

Megan Stanley, who is originally from Oxfordshire and lives in Bristol, was so certain about her decision to not have children, she has been trying to get sterilised since the age of 19.

When it comes to her painful periods, Megan said it feels "cruel" to go through the "suffering every single month for a body function" she feels she does not need.

"I know that sterilisation doesn't solve periods but it does alleviate a lot of those major symptoms," she said.

But the 31-year-old said she has come up against hurdle after hurdle.

“The doctors would say ‘you're still a bit young’ or ‘you might change your mind’,” she said.

The furthest Megan got was when she was 29 and had an appointment with a surgeon.

"I'd prepared everything - my medical history, prepared all my line of reasoning. I'd even gone as far as to get a testimony from the therapist I was seeing. I'd gone the full mile," she said.

However, permission was not granted once the gynaecologist asked about her relationship status.

"At the time I'd been dating my now long-term partner for maybe three months," Megan said.

She told the doctor that her partner also definitely did not want children and he had already had a vasectomy.

Megan said the doctor then told her that if her partner had a vasectomy, “then you don't need to have this done, do you?"

It was then that Megan said she realised it was "inescapable" and they were "just not going to do it".

"Why should what happens to my body be beholden to what he's done to his?" she said.

"It's got to the point now where I long for the menopause. That's what I'm looking forward to."

Caroline believes women without children may be “complicit” in keeping cultural expectations as they are.

"We don't talk about it - so there's still this thought that it's what everyone does," she said.

"Motherhood is just everywhere all the time, in your face."

She said it was hard not fitting in with the "norm of society" and at times, she had wished she was "different".

"My life would have been easier in some ways," she said.

Yet for many women, whatever choices they make, they seem to beat themselves up about it and "seem to be not very accepting of everyone's choice", Caroline added.

Fiona Powley said she knew she did not want to be a mother from the age of 12 after seeing her own mum struggle with motherhood.

“I just thought motherhood didn't look like lot of fun," she said.

Now 49, Fiona runs the Bristol Childfree Women group, external and while she is currently experiencing menopausal symptoms, she has "no panicking feeling" that she did not use her ability to reproduce.

"It feels very comfortable," she said.

Ironically Fiona now looks at herself and thinks she could have actually done “quite a good job of parenting" but she "never really wanted it enough".

However, like Caroline and Megan she said new people she meets can react negatively when she tells them she chose not to have children.

“There's being told you'll regret it. What's your point of existing? If you don't have children you're not valid as a woman," Fiona said.

Fiona has even been called "selfish" and some have questioned who will look after her when she is old.

“It's almost like people feel uncomfortable," she said.

“It's probably because it never occurred to them that they also had a choice.”

Megan can sympathise.

In the past, the reaction to her not wanting children has been quite "visceral", she said.

She claims some people have painted her as "a child-hater, or a mean person” because of it.

"I think my not wanting kids is just an innate thing to who I am," she said.

Fiona said there were so many reasons why people decide not to have children.

Looking back, she thinks her own reasons were "probably quite unhealthy", but she knows that she is not going to "suddenly wake up as an old lady and feel bitter and regret".

Caroline said she would be a "resentful mother", adding there were a "huge amount of upsides" to not having children, like focusing her time on her relationship with her husband and her hobbies.

Megan agrees.

“There’s a lot of joy to be had in not having kids," she said.

“It isn't all about freedom and money. It's about choice."

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Favorite Buddie Fics (so far!)

Hi 911 fam!

This has been way, waaaaaaay past overdue. The weewoo show got a hold of me last May and, for some reason, I resisted making a fic rec blog about it. I think I was kind of in disbelief that I, a serial long-term monoshipper, had adopted a second new ship in less than a year 😆 But it seems like I'm a sucker for a good Best Friends to Lovers, Found Family, Trauma Bonding vibe!!

I figured I ought to start off this blog with my favourite fics I've read so far. These are the ones that are, to me, the most memorable, that I've already re-read once (or twice!) in the last few months. I absolutely love them!

I'm going to try and start making recs here a bit more often! In the meantime, if you want more fics I've enjoyed, you can have a look at my ao3 bookmarks here. You can also find me on Twitter and Bluesky @/epicficrecs !

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think about those fics and what are YOUR all time favourites? 😊

Being Eddie by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Time Travel, Post-Season 6, Getting together | 80K | Teen): When Eddie starts seeing a new therapist, he’s presented with the opportunity to revisit several days from his past and right regrets that still bother him. OR: Eddie goes through the time travel therapy process of the 2009 Canadian TV show Being Erica.

Evan Buckley & The Coma-Verse of Madness by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Coma AU, Multiverse | 58K | Teen): After being struck by lightning on a call, Buck experiences a plethora of alternate realities showing him different directions his life could have taken. Fighting hard to get home, Buck learns what, or who, is important to him in every lifetime.

Your Scars and Your Lonely Heart by Taste_is_Sweet (Sentinels AU, Canon Divergent - Tsunami | 82K | Teen): Clara Williams just wanted to visit Pacific Park during her layover in Los Angeles. She never expected to find a young, exceptional Sentinel dying for lack of a bond. Actually, what she really never expected was a tsunami, or the same Sentinel to save her life. But Clara's a Guide, so now she's on a mission to keep Evan "Buck" Buckley alive until she can get him to Eddie Diaz, the Guide who should have bonded with him, but didn't. Because Clara can't bond with Buck, no matter how much she wants to. There's just one problem: Buck's convinced Eddie doesn't want him, and he might not survive long enough to find out the truth.

let the world have its way with you by fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (Post-Coma AU | 54K | Explicit): or, a bucket list that’s really about buck needing to make a change and an eddie who’s ready to do anything to see him fall in love with life again. it takes some crossing off for eddie to realise—the thing at the top of the list in his own heart? it’s been right here all along

Leave the Light On (I'll Be Coming Home) by HMSLusitania/ @hmslusitania (Canon Divergent, Amnesia AU, Post-Season 5 | 44K | Mature): An accident on a call leaves Buck with custody of Chris after Eddie is... missing presumed. While they navigate their new family circumstances -- and fight to stay together, despite Eddie's parents' best efforts -- a John Doe wakes up in a coma ward with no memory of his own life beyond the knowledge he has a son named Christopher and, somehow, he needs to get home.

Leading with the Left by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Canon Divergent, Different First Meeting, Stripper Buck | 84K | Explicit): When Buck said he was a "bartender" in "South America" what he actually meant was "stripper" in "Mexico." And when Eddie said, "What's your problem?" what he actually meant was, "Is this about the time you gave me a lap dance?" In other words, there's a few things the 118 doesn't know about Buck. Or Eddie. Or Buck and Eddie's relationship.

for all the haunts and homes of men by euadnes/ @kananjarus (Canon Divergent, Post-Apocalyptic, Station Eleven Crossover | WIP | 9/? | 69K | Mature | Warning: Violence): The year by the old calendar is 2025. Home is gone. Home is a failed rescue mission and an echo of a memory. Home is a lost boy living in a wooden house by the sea. But first, there was a promise. Christopher, when it's safe, I'll take you back to your father. Buck had all but given up on keeping it after the world had died and everyone in it. But just as some oaths refuse to be forgotten, so the same can be said about the endurance of love.

(yes I put a WIP there because it's just that good)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if i broke up with my boyfriend now?

I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (24M) for about 5 years. Because of various reasons, this relationship has entered a dynamic I'm no longer comfortable with, and I want to break it off. To put it simply, he's much more reliant on me than I am on him, to a point where it's almost a dependency (described as such by my therapist), and he seems to be much more long-term committed than I am, talking long into the future we have together in his mind.

Here's where the might-be-an-asshole part comes in. He's going through a very rough time right now. He's struggling to find work, can't handle being in school, is stuck living with his parents which is not a great situation, and his mental illness has been getting worse. His grandmother also died about a month ago.

I feel like breaking up with him now might be a bad idea, but my friends have said that it would be worse to wait until he's happier only to make him feel bad again. I really really don't want to be in this relationship anymore, especially with how much pressure is put on me for his entire mental state and sole source of comfort. It's gotten to the point where I find myself resenting him because of how stressful it is for me, especially with the problems I've been trying to deal with in a similar vein.

So, would I be the asshole for ending the relationship now instead of waiting?

What are these acronyms?

[aphrodite1288]

im sorry but saying ksoo never said Ji about his premature enlistment is the most ridiculous thing you've ever said. I mean that's something he didn't decide a week before his enlistment it might be imposible for Ji not knowing that. If that's true which I think it's not the case I directly broke up with him like that's not a decision you make alone if u are in a long term relationship

First of all guys whom are Non-Kaisooists, I saw Kadi kissing and going on Vacations in Spain, Hungary, Hawaii, L.A, Philippines and Jeju, and in Sapporo and Osaka, you will not affect me or change my mind with your asks. So spear yourself the effort and don't come here if our blog irritates you! What you believe keep it for yourself no need to come convince us what you believe. Do I make you this Angry that you had to come anonymously send such dumb questions?

So back to the main topic:

If you were a real EXOL you would know EXO said Ksoo came to them without any notice and said I'm going to be enlisted in 2 months and it was in April and they clearly said they were shocked all of them when he announced that he applied for the Military and signed all the paperwork and done some of the medical checkups.

And Honey, I didn't say it ! It's the People who know better than me and you said.

The members also said he told them nonchalantly as if it wasn't a big deal. He didn't even discuss it with the company to reschedule any future projects because simply he has had enough of SM and he sabotaged them his own way. And the members said they were all so supportive.

And Ji was there with them and after Ksoo's enlistment Ji went absent for two months straight no bubble messages no Instagram lives nothing he went disappearing. under the excuse that he forgot his password. After that he was so depressed and sad and shortly before SuperM's debut he came on RadioStar show and revealed he suffered from Depression the past few months which explains his absence , he also said he is seeking medical help with a therapist!

And I still remember the MC shamelessly and Rudely asked Suho if he knew about this and him and the members were all so taken aback and they showed sad expression and that Stupid MC again shamelessly told Suho : "Did you know about your member was mentally exhausted and depressed? You Should be more attentive to your members'mental health!!" and Suho was so embarrassed and hurt that he apologized to Jongin and told him " I'll pay more attention to you and the members from now on and always come to Hyung whenever you feel like you need to talk, don't hide it". Because Ji clearly said he didn't tell any member that he was in deep depression or that he was regularly seeing a Therapist.

And it was a very critical Kadi period that he went for hiatus for two months and even earlier that year in 2019 after jenkai, Ksoo fought with SM and was reported to have left the company remember March 13th 2019?? (if you were in this blog since 2019 they talked a lot about this and explained everything regarding how Jenkai is related to Ksoo's case with SM and how it affaceted Kadi and Ji). Ksoo went missing since Jenkai exactly since January 5th when he was seen in Blue dragon awards show or whatever I don't remember the name, until his enlistment day July 1st, he was ABSENT. AKsoo took a long vacation refusing to be on any Schedule and refused to film Underdogs2 and refused all Acting projects and even refused to be on any Exo schedule as he was in a major mental health crisis and he even filed a lawsuit saying he was being overworked for 7 years with 0 off days unlike the other members, it was his first vacation since he debuted and SM only gave him 7 days vacation in 7 years and he talked about it in The 100Days Husband Press Conference and Booklet ,it's one of the main reasons he wanted to leave which is why the rumor dropped in March 2019, it was reported that he wanted all the accumulated Vacations since 2012 SM wanted to rob from him! Which is why he went missing for 6 months and we saw him going to Japan 3 times with Chanyeol in February remember? Also Baekhyun said he met Ksoo accidentally in Japan and they had a meal together. At that time Ji went to Philippines with his friends. This time Kadi were on a break from each other. And Ji didn't speak to Ksoo and there were no sightings of the both of them together anywhere and Ksoo didn't stay with Ji at all and they weren't even on talking terms.

Every couple have downfalls like this it's normal. We all almost broke up or even broken up with our partners at one point of our lives. Especially if you're in over a decade relationship of almost 14 years.

Anyway the story is too long. I can explain it all if you DM me instead of Hiding like this.

[maxdibert]

🍄🧟‍♀️🔥

🍄 what is something that’s happened in your life that you wish you could go back and change?

I’d say nothing? I mean, some bad things have happened to me, or I’ve made shitty decisions, but I have this mindset that everything you’ve done has brought you to where you are now. And I’m in a place that I like. I don’t know what would’ve become of me or who I’d be today if I’d taken a different path or hadn’t gone through certain things, but I can’t know that, and it’s not something I obsess over because it’s impossible. Maybe I’d be the same, maybe I’d be better, or worse, because that’s kind of the theory of different timelines changing depending on whether you turned left or right, right? But since I don’t have access to the multiverse, I can’t know. For now, I’m at a point in my life where I feel content, so I wouldn’t change anything. And, anyway, one of my psychological coping mechanisms—which, in fact, my therapists have always said is very positive—is that when bad stuff happens, I rationalize things a lot and try to take away a lesson from it. So, yeah, you learn something from everything bad that happens, no matter the scars it leaves, and those scars also shape your character in the end. I don’t regret what I do; I regret what I don’t do when I want to. My leitmotif is basically to do whatever I feel like and then face the storm afterward, but never leave myself wanting to do something.

🧟‍♀️ scariest thing that’s happened to you

Men. Men and how they interact with you, how they manipulate you in a relationship, how they feel entitled to you just because you’re a woman, how they abuse you. Men, male violence, and abuse. I genuinely believe men have been the thing I’ve feared the most for a long time, in terms of relationship violence and sexual violence. Being a woman in a world built on the belief that men have rights over women is horrible, especially when you’re really young. As the years go by, you learn to defend yourself and gain tools, and the fear fades, but between 15 and your early 20s, it’s… wow. Have you ever walked home alone at night with a group of guys behind you? I can’t think of anything more terrifying.

🔥 craziest thing that’s ever happened to you

Oh, well, actually, a lot of things because almost all my friends are pretty much in need of a psychiatrist in general. And I mean that literally, everyone in my close circle has a lot of issues, so random things happen all the time. Plus, for some reason, I have a knack for attracting absurd situations, though that was more when I was wilder a few years ago. But I don’t know, I’ve had really crazy things happen, like being in the middle of a village in Romania and suddenly running into a group of people from my university class; partying in Berlin and meeting someone who had randomly dated one of my Erasmus friends that I’d met in Belgium (seriously, very random, wtf my life); or my girl friends calling me at 4 am, completely wasted, while I was also completely wasted in another part of the city, because she’d been stopped by the police for trying to steal a laptop from a nightclub and needed a lawyer lololol. Then there’s the night one of my girl friends spit in a guy’s face, and he tried to hit her, and he and his group of friends chased me and my friends (all girls), and I had to call my dad, who happened to be partying in the same area. He showed up with the weirdest people to scare them off and then invited us all for ridiculously expensive alcohol and gave us a lecture on how to defend ourselves. I don’t know, crazy things have happened to me while partying because I hang out with absurd people. And my friends (the girls) are absolutely nuts, honestly. We’ve all calmed down a bit now, but between 20 and 25, it was wild. Then there’s my dad, who is a complete mess. I’ve lived through the craziest things with him, like the time I went to dinner with him and some of his friends, and they started snorting cocaine in the middle of a family restaurant at 9 pm.; or the time we were at the social club my dad goes to, and a drunk woman showed up, claiming he had ghosted her and wanting to fight him; or when my dad still worked at the port and took me to see a shipment of clothes that had just arrived and told me to pick whatever I wanted before the port police came because, to them, stealing anything that arrived was totally normal. My dad is probably the craziest thing that’s ever happened to me, now that I think about it xD