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lovelytsunoda · 1 year ago

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happiness for beginners // kyle kirkwood

summary: when her fathers death brings y/n back home to jupiter, florida, the last person she wanted to see was her highschool ex-boyfriend: kyle kirkwood, who once pushed her aside in favour of his racing career. as she tried to navigate her grief and pick up the pieces of her life, she wonders if maybe she never stopped loving kyle.

pairing: kyle kirkwood x ex-girlfriend!female reader

warnings: death of a parent, consumption of alcohol, breif mention of being cheated on (not by kyle) . second chance romance, talk of dropping out of university and past sexual activities.

it’s wasn’t supposed to end like this. he should have had another thirty years.

should have seen his eldest daughter get married, meet his grandchildren.but instead, life said ‘fuck you’ and struck her father down at the ripe age of fifty nine.

a heart attack, her mother had said over the phone when she found out. when she booked the first flight back to miami and a train ticket to jupiter. a small town filled with a lot of memories, some good, many bad.

she hated funerals, but never thought she’d be organizing one for someone she cared about this soon. the room was filled with flowers (he would have hated those, the pollen made him sneeze), a classic rock song about grief and loss playing overhead. she was dressed in all black, a call back to the dress she wore for her middle school graduation. it shouldn’t have still fit, although her boobs filled it out a lot better now.

“i need some air.” she looked at her sister shakily, mascara stains under her eyes. “tell mom where I went when she comes back this way.”

she didn't wait for her sister to say more, grabbing a can of smirnoff ice from the cooler as she left the stately country house that had been turned into a homely funeral parlour. she'd already had far too much to drink, numbing her feelings being the only thing allowing her to make it through the day.

unlike most girls her age, y/n had in incredible and loving relationship with her father. when she moved away for university, her father was always coming up with foolish reasons to go to charleston and see her. he taught her everything she knew, valuable life skills that would make sure she never needed to depend on a man if she didn't want to.

and now he was gone. he would never get to walk her down the aisle, or look at her future husband and say 'you picked a good one, kid'.

in the distance she saw a reception late comer, a bouquet of calla lilies in hand as he walked up the sprawling drive, packed to the brim with cars new and old: her father's classic car club had lead the procession, a fleet of cars from the fifties to seventies driving through jupiter at high noon, the vintage hearse in the middle of the fray.

kyle knew he shouldn't be there.

he hadn't seen y/n in five years, not since he'd fucked up so massively that he knew she was right for never wanting to speak to him again. but when lorraine y/l/n had called him mere days prior and said she didn't think her daughter was coping and could use a familiar face, he knew he couldn't just do nothing.

"kyle? what the fuck are you doing here?" the sight of her ex-boyfriend walking up the home's front steps was almost enough to sober her up, her words still coming out with a slight slur as she looked at the indycar driver. "don't you have a race to go win?"

"your mom called. thought you could use a friend."

"you're right. except all my friends hate me, and the ones who don't don't live in jupiter any more." she whined, downing another large swig of her cooler. "you shouldn't be here. not after what you did. it was prom night, kyle. you left me standing on the front step, dressed to the nines in a dress i had picked out just for you, waiting hours until my mom called your mom and found out that you had picked an indycar test over me."

pain rippled through kyle's veins at the way her voice broke. y/n hd been more than understanding about his racing career and the demands of being a modern athlete, because she had grown up with one. her younger sister was the youngest olympic swimmer in america, and she had never felt like she measured up, even after she got into usc charleston. but what he had done on prom night was unforgiveable. he just wished she had let him tell her the full story all those years ago, when she called everything off the day she packed up her dad's truck and left.

"you're drunk, y/n. how much have you had to drink today?" kyle's voice was stern, but still gentle as he tried to pry the can from his former girlfriend's hands. "i think you've had enough."

“you can’t tell me what to do, kirkwood. that can is the one thing keeping me from falling into complete and utter despair. I have nothing left, kyle!” she made a grab for the can, losing her balance and sprawling out over kyles lap.

kyle sighed, trying to help her sit up. “okay, it’s time to get you home.”

“kyle, is that you?”

“hi, lorraine.” kyle frowned as y/n got up and staggered towards the railing, promptly vomiting into the bushes. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“thank you.” lorraine smiled sadly, gently readying a hand on her daughters back. when her youngest daughter had explained that y/n had left to get some air, lorraine knew she needed to check on her. “she’s not coping, kyle. you know how close she and nick were.”

“I can hear you, and I don’t need him!” y/n spat, swatting at her moms hand. “I’m fine.”

lorraine’s voice was stern as she looked her daughter in the eye. “no you aren’t, let kyle drive you home.”

she could think of few things she wanted less than to be in a car with the man who broke her fragile, teenage heart. frankly, she’d rather drunkenly stumble through the streets of jupiter and let everybody gawk at her.

but kyle was firm with his grip as he guided her down the front steps, her legs shaky in her black pumps as he guided her towards his freakishly expensive car. she felt all the fight leave her body as kyle helped her into the passenger seat, her body noticeably falling limp.

“remind me never to drink this much again.” she whined, head slumping against the window as kyle started the car.

“it’s not like you’d listen to me anyways. get some rest, you aren’t well.”

she slept for most of the car ride, but it was an uneasy sleep, drifting in and out of memories as kyle pulled in front of the farmhouse. the driver helped her inside, guiding her out of her leather jacket and heels. she stumbled to the bathroom, collapsing in front of the bathtub before she started to heave.

kyle knelt behind her, gently pulling her hair away from her face. “it’s okay, you’re okay. let it out.”

“I can’t breathe.” she coughed out in between lurches of her stomach. “the dress is too tight.”

“it’s okay.” kyle soothed, gently undoing the zipper and peeling the fabric away from her burning skin. just the act of running his hands over her backs was conjuring memories for both of them.

memories of the last time kyle had touched her like that: their naked bodies tangled in sheets, her fingernails leaving deep divots in his shoulders, his lips on the column of her throat, hands clutching her back as she rode him.

“is this better, sweetheart?” he shook his head, trying to forget. he’d been trying to forget for five years now.

“yeah. can I have some space? some fresh clothes, maybe? my room is where it’s always been.”

kyle moved to kiss her forehead, pausing with his lips halfway to her hair. he didn’t get to do things like that anymore. he lost that right five years ago.

“yeah, I’ll be right back.”

while kyle was gone, she tried to recollect herself. the stinging scent of vomit that she tried to wash down the drain was sobering.

the fact that kyle kirkwood was in her house even more so.

she got to her feet, stumbling the the counter where she downed three capfuls of mouthwash, never feeling like it was quite enough as she rinsed her mouth and spat the spearmint liquid into the sink.

holding the front of her dress in place, she ascended the carpeted stair case, wondering what was taking kyle so long. the door to the master bedroom was closed; her mom had been sleeping in the guest room, unable to even consider sleeping in the king bed without nick.

kyle stood in the middle of her bedroom, clutching a ratty t shirt in his hands. she recognized it, of course. the mauve hurley shirt had been his.

“you’ve kept it all this time?”

“of course I did. it doesn’t smell like you any more, though. just the back of my closet.” she smiled sadly, leaning against the doorframe. “I’m sure you’re wondering why all these boxes are here. I’m coming home. temporarily.”

“I thought you loved it in carolina.” he frowned, helping her out of her dress. it was all he could do not to stare at the lacy black lingerie she wore, closing his eyes as she slipped out of the bra.

he was not an asshole, and he could definitely resist watching his ex undress.

at least, that’s what he kept telling himself.

“I moved in with someone I considered a very close friend. eventually, my boyfriend brad moved in with us. well, it turns out that my ex-friend was fucking brad. I needed to get out of the house, I was staying in a motel until mom called. and now I’m back here.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you. you didn’t deserve that.” kyle frowned, pulling her in for a hug. she notched her arms under his, pressing up on her toes and allowing her head to slot between his neck and shoulder.

it was comforting and warm; familiar.

“I don’t know what to do, kyle. truth be told, I don’t even like what I’m studying any more. I want to drop out.”

“let’s talk about this in the morning. when you’re sober.” he tried to soothe her, guiding her towards the bed “get some rest.” he insisted, laying her down and pulling the blankets over her shoulders. “I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”

the andretti driver turned to leave, stopping in his tracks when he felt her slender fingers wrap around his wrist.

“stay” she insisted, voice shaky. “I don’t want to be alone. I can’t stand it.”

kyle frowned, looking at the small body wrapped in blankets. he had never seen her this fragile before. this broken.

“of course, pretty girl. I’m not going anywhere.” he slipped out of his suit jacket and shoes, quietly sliding under the covers and pulling her into his arms, trying not to think about the fact that she was wearing his shirt and and nothing else.

don’t be a douchebag, kyle, he kept telling himself.

he allowed himself one luxury, his lips dropping down tot he crown of her head, just barely kissing her skin. a reassurance that everything would be okay.

the next morning, kyles side of the bed was empty, the lingering smell of his cologne being the only indicator that he was ever there. y/n’s head was pounding as she shakily got to her feet, grabbing clothes from the top of her laundry basket, too lazy and miserable to do much more than grab clean panties from her drawer.

kyle was in the kitchen, the smell of fresh eggs permeating the air. the smell would have been enough to set off her nausea again if there had been anything in her stomach to regurgitate. she’d always hated the smell of egg.

“why the fuck are you still here?”

“ah, that’s the y/n i remember!” kyle laughed, placing a glass on the kitchen island as she sat down. “drink. it’s good for you.”

she frowned at the green sludge in the pint glass before looking back at her ex. “like hell I will. i would rather jump off splash mountain.”

“it’ll make you feel better.”

“no it won’t. why are you so chipper? you know what, don’t answer that. I’m still mad at you.” she felt childish for pouting and refusing the hangover cure, but the fact of the matter was that her anger over the death of a past relationship was the only thing holding her together.

if she stopped being mad at kyle, she’d have to feel her feelings about her dad, and that didn’t seem like a good option.

“it’s been five years, y/n.” kyle sighed, switching off the gas stove. “why are you still holding on? you never even let me explain.”

“five years is forever, kyle. a whole goddamn lifetime. I’m not even the same person I was when we were together.”

“will you just let me explain?”

she sighed, leaning forwards and slumping against the counter, fingertips rubbing at her temples. “fine. but only because it stops me from thinking about everything.”

“i moved hell and high water to get back in time for prom, y/n. i had everything timed perfectly until the weather delayed the test. we couldn’t go on the track in the rain, so we had to wait it out. o was so certain we were going to make it, but then there was traffic on the way back to the airport. i ended up running the last three blocks just to make the plane, and then we took off late, and by the time we landed in florida i knew I was late but you’d stopped answering my calls. the next time I saw you, you told me it was over.”

“you still picked a car over me. but I was stubborn, not letting you tell me why. i should have at least let you explain yourself.” the anger slowly ebbed out of her body. she knew that holding on was only holding her back from moving on, but she’d never stopped caring about kyle and that’s why it hurt so much.

“you know I’ve followed your career since? you put on a damn good show in long beach.”

kyle froze, halfway to his seat with two plates of breakfast, button down shirt marred with wrinkles. “you watch me race?”

“i still care about you, kirkwood.” she smiled sadly, reaching for a plate. “and I figured if you’d picked racing over me, you might as well be somewhat decent at it.”

kyle laughed, settling himself at the counter. “well, it’s been a roller coaster of a season, I’ll give you that. you know, some days I regret running that test. no racing seat was worth losing you.”

“you would have regretted not doing it. i know you, kyle kirkwood.” she reached across the dining space, resting her hand in his. “we both had different things we wanted out of life and we were too naive to realize it. and my path ended up not even being the one I wanted. I’ve made my mind up. I’m dropping out of usc.”

kyle couldn’t hide his look of surprise. the hallowed institution had been all she wanted when they were teenagers. moving their lives to carolina and working around his racing and her psych degrees was all they ever talked about.

“what? but you love that place. charleston was all you ever wanted.”

she shook her head, taking a bite out of the semi-burnt toast kyle had prepared (it was all she could stomach in her current state).

“there’s nothing left for me in carolina. it turns out that I really hate my major.” she laughed, coughing slightly on a bread crumb. “getting through my undergrad was hard enough, i hesitate to even think about my masters. the whole reason I had picked a program this long was because I was scared to face the real world anyways. losing dad has put that into perspective.”

“so what are you going to do?”

“remember my plan b? the plan where I would go to trade school and get my red seal and work with my dad, then travel cross country with you during the racing season? the plan that had seemed like just wishful thinking? well, dad left me the garage.”

that plan b had been wishful thinking, something to tie her over for a year or two whole she figured her life out if she didn’t get into usc, or her safety school. and now it was reality. the entire garage and everything in it was hers now.

“i don’t know the first thing about running a business, but this feels like a sign. i want to turn it into something, kyle. a place for women, all-female mechanics. too many good women get screwed over by mechanics who think that their client is more gullible or likely to pay more because she doesn’t understand what’s wrong with her car.”

that was the y/n that kyle loved: the one with the big heart who had dreams bigger than her body. the one who would be happy with that nice quiet life as long as she could be happy with herself. the one who acted before she thought about the repercussions because she was just so excited about something.

he reached across the kitchen island, gently grabbing her shoulders. “hold your horses, pretty girl. take a load off, come to nashville with me and take a few days to think this through. don’t give up on carolina just yet. remember, you deserve to be happy. and if trade school is what you really want to do, it’s not too late to go for it.”

“it’s so hard to hate you, kyle maclean kirkwood. even when you have a stupid fucking rich boy name.” she could feel the tears pricking at the back of her eyes, every feeling she ever had for the man in front of her bubbling back to the surface. “why did you let me let you go?”

letting him go had been one of the biggest mistakes she ever made. maybe that’s why it took her so long to get into another relationship afterwards. she kept comparing her suitors to kyle and none of them matched up to the talented, funny, sarcastic young man she had been with before she left florida.

“because I thought that was what you wanted.”

“of course it wasn’t, dipshit. i was just too stubborn to let you back in.”

she leaned over the kitchen island, her thumb tracing kyles jaw. he was still every bit as beautiful as she remembered. older, but not necessarily wiser. and she had changed so much. she wasn’t that small town girl who worked at the auto shop over her summers or that girl who danced barefoot on the beach belting ‘sweet home alabama’ with a white claw in her hand.

but maybe she could be that carefree again.

neither wanted to make the first move. kyle wanted to break first, but he knew it was important to let y/n make up her own mind about this. he’d feel like a dick for the rest of his life if there was even the slightest possibility that he had taken advantage of her aggrieved state.

“so are you going to kiss me or what, kirkwood?”

you didn’t have to tell kyle twice. he practically dove across the island to pull her into his arms, familiar motions that they had gone through so many times before as he pressed his lips to hers. gentle but firm, just the way he knew she liked it.

she was breathless as she pulled away, a giggle in the back of her throat. “you know my dad always hoped we’d get back together. he said he’d never seen me as happy as i was when I was with you. and I think he was right. i still love you, kyle.”

“and I never stopped loving you.”

TAGS:

@magnummagnussen @libraryofloveletters @sidcrosbyspuck @scuderiamh @oconso @thatsdemko @clemswrld @httpiastri @lorarri

PEOPLE WHO REBLOGGED THE INDYCAR DRIVERS AS ROMANCE BOOK TROPES MASTERPOST

@acrosstobear @firestoneslicks @alexanderossis

#kyle kirkwood #kyle kirkwood x reader #indycar x reader #indycar fic #indycar imagine #indycar drivers as romance book tropes

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pseudowho · 19 days ago

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Hello Haitch how are you? I hope everything is going smoothly.

It's my first time sending an ask to you so I'm kind of nervous. I want to ask for your opinion on something and maybe a piece of motherly or a big sister advice if you can give me one.

So I started university this year and it's been about a month since I moved to another city away from my family. Everything is new and different but thankfully I made some good friends that I can partially lean on.

There is this one boy that I find quite attractive and I think I kind of like him as well( I don't know it's just really early for me to feel this way because it's only been a month since I came here) we met when we were sitting at the cafeteria waiting for the next class to start and chatted a bit. About movies, tv shows and stuff like that and there were some things that we both liked and agreed on (my delulu self trying to correct myself ;)

While talking about another topic he showed us a picture from his highschool and he looked really good and that's when I think I started to catch feelings. We talked a lot that day and he left, after a few days in another class he came to our friendgroup and started to chat with one of my friends about a movie saying that he started it when she had talked about it during that day. And honestly my eyes constantly looked at their direction and I couldn't focus on what my other friend was trying to tell me.

Yesterday while going back to the dorms my friend confessed me that she liked him a little bit and that it was her first time feeling this way. She also added that I was the only one in the friend group whom she told about this and she said that she felt like she could trust me which made me feel really good because it's not everytime you hear that from someone right.

And I couldn't tell her that I liked him a little bit as well, feeling bad that I would ruin her chance at something she wanted to experience. So I just put up a smile and encouraged her that it would work out that she should try to make a move and that they had a lot of things they agree on. We talked a lot about this on our way back and she asked me to help her out which of course my people-pleaser self agreed.

There are still more things that I want to tell but I don't want to make it long. I want to know how I could overcome this or just make it go, like pluck this little bud by the root before it fully blooms as my previous big crushes all started like this.

What would you recommend to someone in this situation?

(Sorry if the ask is too long but I wanted to explain it thoroughly)

(by the way I asked anonymously but you can call me Cher it's a foreign derivation of my name, I don't know if my friend has a Tumblr account ,pretty sure she doesn't, but better be safe than sorry)

Thank you and love you꒰⁠⑅⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠꒱⁠˖⁠♡

Oh babe. You've screwed yourself over there, haven't you?

The truth is, you have roughly three choices here:

Be honest with her; say that you held yourself back from telling her that you liked this guy, because you didn't want to ruin her experience, and it was a knee jerk reaction by someone who is used to being a people-pleaser. Tell her that you have, in face, liked this guy for X amount of time, too. Try to have an adult discussion with her; do both of you step away? Do both of you confess to him/pursue him, with the full knowledge that the other is too, and a gracious winner/loser attitude of one of you succeeds and the other doesn't? Only the pair of you can decide.

Continue to see your own happiness as less deserved than that of others, and continue to suffer in silence while your friend falls for the guy you've also fallen for.

Go behind her back/lie to her; still crush on him, and perhaps even pursue him, regardless of what she has told you about her feelings.

You should ask yourself why you think you're less deserving of happiness than your friend.

You should ask yourself why you're so conflict-avoidant, you would rather punch yourself in the face rather than confront a topic which would have been mildly difficult then, but to repair now, may be much more difficult.

While yes, I'm sure you have likely been in a household where you may have either been the diplomat between two parties, and/or used to putting your own feelings aside for the happiness of others and the overall peace of the household, you are out of the house now.

You are growing up. Do you wish to stagnate in this constant state of considering yourself as less deserving than others? In this constant state of doing so much to avoid conflict, that you'll roll over to your detriment at all costs?

I digress.

In the short-term, this is about a guy you're crushing on. In the long-term, this is about growing the spine you need to grow to defend your right to a happy life.

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

#pseudowho #Haitch #Agony Aunt Haitch

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dandelion-star · 2 years ago

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Class For Philosophy

> Social Media Au <

Scaramouche x GN!Reader

Synopsis; You and Scaramouche had been bestfriends all throughout your childhood, when all of a sudden he became cold and distant after highschool started. Soon you're both off to university, you hadn't realized you attended the same university until you bumped into him in your philosophy class. Now he suddenly has the idea to become top of the class, declaring you his academic rival, what the fuck was his problem?

Genre; Modern au, rivals/enemies to lovers, fluff, pure crack, maybe angst.

Warning(s); Probably spelling errors, swearing, mentions of alchohol, parental pressure to excel, mentions of perfectionism and fear of failing, timestamps are unimportant.

Upload Schedule; edit, I moved

Side notes; Y/n is related to Fischl (Amy), I'm giving Scaramouche a younger sister (its literally just Makoto's namesake) cause I have a headcanon and I'll die on that hill♡, most/all chapters will have lyric titles bc I'm uncreative. (REBLOGGING HELPS 😭 MORE PPL NEED SCARA SMAU)

Cast!;

> Y/n's friends♡ <

> Scara's Group☆ <

"New chapter same life" - y/n

O1. The fucking nerve

O2. It was a bad idea

O3. I'll go all out, ace every test.

O4. Don't pout or settle for second best.

O5. Can we just be honest?

O6. Now we've got problems.

O7. Midnight's become my afternoons.

O8. Karma is a cat.

O9. It's not romantic, I swear.

1O. You can hold my hand if no ones home.

11. I could've been anyone.

12. My heart got all fluttery

13. When he calls me pretty, I feel like somebody.

14. But if you leaned a little closer.

15. Passing papers is a decent way to flirt, right?

16. I could be lonely with you.

17. You've known him since seventh grade.

18. And he changes.

19. There's nothing like your smile.

2O. Last night you were in my room.

21. All I did was try my best.

"Fuck I'm so gay" - Aether

O1. Now my bedsheets smell like you.

O2. Only thing we share is one last name.

O3. Typical of me to put us all to shame.

O4. And I miss my lover, man.

O5. I told him I couldn't lie, he was the only one for more.

O6. I should be over all the butterflies. (final)

♡☆♡☆♡

here's the spotify playlist I made while making this

#Spotify #genshin impact #scaramouche smau #genshin impact smau #modern au #fluff #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche #childe #genshin rosalyne #hu tao genshin impact

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sassbuttuniverse-blog · 3 days ago

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Life after College

It's currently 5:44 in the morning, and no i am not a morning person. I haven't gotten any sleep yet because surprise surprise, at the age of 23, my sleeping schedule still sucks. I found myself logging on to this tumblr account. I guess I just really feel alone at the moment. Life update everyone, I am now a degree holder - plus plus plus *insert drum roll please* I am now also a license holder. Yes you heard it right, this procastinator passed the board exam for psychometrician. Duuuuude, i don't even know where to begin. So last year after graduating college, i got a job as an HR assistant for a veterinary clinic/cafe. I thought I was already set for life like yes-i'm-finally-an-adult-kind-of-moments, but ofuckingcourse, the universe hates me still and gave me a job that not only is morally depriving, but also mentally exhausting. Imagine working in a company where everyone knows each other because it's literally a castle of nepotism. Everyone is related to one another - yes related, as in they're all relatives. Blood relatives. It's hard to work as an HR when i have to give out sanctions to normal employees and let the bosses and other employees in the back office do whatever they want to do without any consequences. I felt caged, like going to work everyday is like a punishment to me. I even cry in shower because of how I dread going to work everyday. I cry to my boyfriend, to my friends, to my sister, and everyone inside my circle. On top of that miserable chapter of my life, my HR manager was a bitch who makes it her mission everyday to piss me off and let me do ALL the work while she just sits there all day doing nothing and takes all the credits for my hardwork. You know those type of adults that doesn't know how to move on from being a mean girl in highschool. She's like that. She thinks she's cool and all being loud and making fun of everyone. Fuck that shiiit. Long story short i only lasted for 3 months. I know, how pathetic. But I was literally losing my mind there and I felt that if I stayed I might get fired anyways because they don't like me. Why? Because they can't control and manipulate me into doing the things they want me to do. Which most of it are illegal anyways. No thanks, i'm good. See you never, assholes. So after resigning at my job, i decided to enroll in a review center to pursue my journey in getting the psychometrician license. To be honest, i think 80% of my reason on why i decided to pursue it is because I wanted to have an excuse on why I resigned. Like I'm convincing myself and the people around me that it's okay that i'm unemployed, I'm doing something more important anyways. I studied for 8 months and luckily i was able to pass the board exam last August. I was so happy and proud of myself. But it didn't last long because here I am now, after 3 months of passing the board exam, I'm still unemployed. I don't know why but i stopped looking for jobs online. I just stopped functioning. I feel like no job is suited for me. I want to practice my license and profession but there is no opportunity here. I kept looking online and the only jobs there is are all corporate related. Yes, HR again. I don't want to be an HR officer again, i dread it, like it makes me physically and mentally ill just thinking about it. So now I'm stuck and unmotivated and sad and all the other shitty feelings there is in this world. I feel like everyone around me is starting their lives already and I'm still here. Stuck. I wish I could start my life now too.

Anyways, future me, if you're reading this i hope you have a job already. You're not getting any younger, I hope you pull your shit together already. Make us proud. Live this life. Explore, travel, and meet other people. Don't hide in the house and rot in your room. Go to cafes, watch that movie in the cinema. Eat alone if no one wants to come with you. Just live. 23 year old us is currently a loser so I hope you're doing better there. Love you xx

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virgoviolets · 4 years ago

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crying very hard for hours at length in this chilis tonight

#unepic girl moment #i feel like such a fucking failure #ive done nothing in the past year and my sister is so much better at everything than me #and for a while now ive ben thinking of going to a community college or at least starting at one instead of going to a university right away #bc it would just be better money wise and for the kind of person and student that i am it would just all work out better #but my sister moved out right after highschool and it going to a university to get her phd and she keeps pressuring me to go to the same #college as her and i really dont want to #i have like no money saved and the college is downtown so she pays $1000 a month just to live there #and i dont want to live in the city much less pay $1000 a month to live in a city i fucking hate #and todayshe came home and we were all talking about it and i was like ‘yeah i think just gonna go to *** or at least start there bc i #really dont want to go where you go’ and she was like ‘dont do that thats so lame. youre not gonna make any friends or have any fun. dont #go there’#and it made me feel like such a fucking failure like i havent even made a decision on my future and im already a failure #i hate her so much she hurts my feeling in the way only an older sister can every time she comes home #and because shes such a bitch ive been crying for the past two hours✨💕#she just seems so perfect and has everything in her life so put together and im so far off from where she was at my age that i feel like #such a disappointment #literally just because of her like my mom doesnt give a fuck what i do she just wants me to make the right decisions for me and to be happy #hashtag hippie parent things #but shes so supportive of everything i do and then my god aweful fucking sister comes home and puts me down for ever everything i do #like the Depression is kicking babe i can fucking handle online school anymore i cant even think about havjng to do it for another four #months #and so my room is a huge mess and my bathroom is a mess and the hallway between the two is a mess and i Cant bring myself to clean it right #now so its just something i live with until i have the motivation to clean it all and it doesnt matter to me but my fucking sister always #comes home and is like ‘can you PLEASE do something about the hallway this is such a mess’ and ‘oh my god your room is so messy how can you #even stand it’ like BITCH i cant fucking stand her all she does when she comes home is nitpick everything and just kinda insult everyone in #the house bc we dont have all the time jn the world to keep the kitchen table clear or vacuum #god i cant fucking stand her #if you made it this far sorry for unloading like that i have No Outlet and everyone is asleep so im here 💕#xoxo gossip girl

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frogtanii · 4 years ago

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[buckle up; this one is a long one (1.6k words)]

things weren’t supposed to turn out this way.

she was supposed to show up, apologize “sincerely,” and the boys, her boys, were supposed to welcome her with open arms and swiftly discard of you.

instead, she was sitting in the back of a cramped police car with two pigs, one of which had a horrible b.o. problem and an affinity for sauerkraut.

it was so frustrating.

and, of course, it was all your fault.

you’d been blocking her from true happiness ever since the beginning when you’d first met in middle school. it was crazy because you’d actually seemed nice; kind, understanding, and you didn’t judge her for what her father did to her mother or for how she acted out because of that.

sure, you were a little weird and sometimes you could be downright rude to other kids in your class but you cared for her in a way that no one else had before.

(un)fortunately, you didn’t come alone — you were a packaged deal. your childhood friend, daishou, came into her life right along with you. she didn’t mind at first; daishou was fun when he wanted to be but he was mostly full of snarky comments and sarcastic quips.

the three of you spent all your time with each other; from playing at the playground to helping her begin her makeup youtube channel in 8th grade.

you all got along pretty well up until you got to highschool. once there, you threw yourself into your studies, sort of retracting yourself from her and daishou.

how selfish.

she couldn’t help but feel betrayed by you—you knew how bad she was at making friends and you didn’t even care, leaving her all alone to fend for herself.

well, not all by herself.

daishou was a constant. no matter where she was, or how alone she was feeling, he was there to provide entertainment at the most, and his presence at the least.

it wasn’t always the healthiest, most functional friendship, she could admit that. there were weeks that daishou would choose to ignore her for no apparent rhyme or reason, citing his explanation as he just didn’t feel like it.

obviously it sucked but he was her only friend, ever since you so cruelly abandoned them. i mean, you still ate lunch with them every day and invited them over to study and hang out, but it was not the same.

with you so absent, she grew closer and closer to daishou to the point she was spending almost every waking moment with him. and, as the story so goes, she fell for him, head over heels.

she knew it was a bad idea, if their friendship was anything to go off of but she didn’t care. she was desperate for love and physical affection and he seemed willing to at least give her the latter.

after she decided to confess, nerves all the way in her throat and a box of chocolates behind her back, daishou took her virginity in the back of his ford fusion, hard, fast and nothing like she’d imagined.

the next day, she’d cornered you in the library (where you always seemed to be) to tell you the good news. your face was unusually blank as she detailed the best night of her life to you, your response being less than stellar when she was done. “please be careful,” you had said.

what did that even mean? you clearly wanted to keep daishou safe from her which was ridiculous because weren’t you supposed to be her friend too? she’d stormed out of the library after that, determined to demand a kiss from daishou to make her feel better.

that day was one of the last that she’d see you for a while. you got caught up with clubs and schoolwork (and apparently therapy for god knows what) while she got caught up with daishou.

things with him weren’t... great. they never really were but things were getting even worse. his random bouts of silence got longer and though it was only freshman year and they’d been dating for less than 5 months, he’d meet with her after school with a hickey plastered on his collarbone that she knew she didn’t put there (she sucked even harder over the spot to claim it as her own).

as she said, things weren’t great but they weren’t horrible either. they remained that way all the way up until sophomore year.

you and her had drifted even further, hardly speaking to one another unless it was for a project or to vaguely greet one another in the halls. it was okay though. you had all your other friends and she... well she had daishou.

speaking of, her “boyfriend” had been more distant than usual. she wasn’t an idiot and she knew he’d been seeing other girls on the side, but she believed she would be the one he’d end up with, the one he’d marry.

how foolish she had been.

it was prom night and she felt beautiful. her beauty channel had finally begun picking up traction (she’d just hit 13k subscribers the night before!!) so she filmed a prom night makeup tutorial, making sure that every square inch of her face was perfect. donning a silky blue floor length dress, she felt like a princess and she certainly looked the part.

she showed up to daishou’s house about 30 minutes before the event, ringing his doorbell with an elated grin painted all over her face. he had mentioned in passing that his parents and older sister would be out for the weekend, leaving the house for themselves. that meant sex and sex meant being wanted.

after the third ring of the bell, she started to get nervous. maybe he wasn’t ready yet? maybe he needed help with his tie? just when she was about to wring the bell again, the door swung open to reveal daishou... not in his suit.

“oh, it’s you,” he’d grumbled. “‘m not goin’ to prom.” she felt her breath catch in her throat. she’d protested and begged for an explanation but he wouldn’t give one to her. eventually, she’d followed him into his house, furious because how could he do this to her? on her night?

it didn’t take very long for him to get fed up, his snake-like eyes honing in on her, filled with venom. “‘m not goin’ because i don’t like you anymore. you still look pretty though.”

just like that, with just a few words, he’d shattered her heart. she was frozen in place, completely disconnected from daishou, her love, as he not-so-gently pushed her out the door, slamming it in her face.

she felt tears stream down her cheeks and before she knew it, her legs were carrying her to a place she hadn’t been in months.

banging frantically on the door, she cried out, begging for someone, anyone to hear her. the door opened quickly and there you stood. you’d clearly been studying but as you took in her frazzled appearance, it seemed as though your heart broke.

you ushered her inside, sat her own the couch, and began to make her a cup of tea, your parents having been out for the night as well. once the kettle went off, you quickly prepped her drink and gave it to her, the words flowing out of her like liquid once she had taken a sip.

she didn’t know why she was even there but despite the animosity between the two of you, you seemed like you truly... cared. (neither of you mentioned the tears that stained your favorite t shirt or the quiet apologies you muttered into her hair).

that night quickly went and passed and by the next day, she was feeling rejuvenated and more like herself. however, that feeling quickly dissipated when she caught you in the hallway between classes speaking with daishou behind the stairwell in hushed tones.

within the span of a few hours, her heart had been broken twice and she was sure she’d never felt such heartache before.

she turned on her heel and darted away, avoiding your every attempt to talk to her for weeks and weeks until you just... stopped trying. after you’d cut off conversation, yet again, the sadness quickly festered and morphed into anger.

that anger only grew when she watched you graduate at the top of your class in your senior year, your smile blinding as you accepted your diploma. it only grew when she saw that you had made it into the university of your choice on your instagram story, her own rejection letter torn up in the bottom of her wastebin. it only grew when she saw you’d made your own youtube channel, her own going untouched and neglected (her last video had been a half-assed “get ready with me” that had more dislikes than likes due to her horrible makeup and even worse attitude).

soon enough, the rage had intensified until it had taken over her whole being. she was just so angry at all that you’d done to her, all the ways you’d ruined her life that she couldn’t keep herself from plotting your demise.

when she got the email from the hyper house management team that invited her into the house and offered the option that she could pick someone she wanted to move in as well, her anger turned into excitement.

this was her chance. this was her moment to turn your life into a living hell, to make it at least a fraction of what she went through by your hands.

she was going to make you pay and god, was it going to feel great.

the metal of the handcuffs chafed her wrists as she adjusted herself against the cool leather of the cruiser, the discomfort removing her from her reverie.

yeah, right. it seemed as though she was the only one “paying” right about now.

she tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling, tears filling her eyes but refusing to fall.

things definitely weren’t meant to turn out like this. not at all.

℗ poker face

not like this

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - OMFG THE BACKSTORY REVEALED I AM SO OVER IT >:(( this took me forever to write and i still wasn’t able to include everything i wanted to so hop over to my asks if you need any clarification!! oh oh && just a reminder, this playlist is from meiko’s perspective so chances are, things didn’t exactly go just like this wink wonk KAJS ANYWAYS DONT FORGET TO FEED ME ILY <3333

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saiKishaircLip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp • @keiarma • @shrimpypenis

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

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answrs · 3 years ago

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meet-cute poly skulls

(I haven’t written anything more than like 3 sentences in over a year and I’m absolutely ECSTATIC to have finally found inspiration again, especially for the msa ot3. I’ve been reading a few witcher fics with the trope and i very much could NOT resist the siren’s call of lewvithur)

this is pretty stream of consciousness as most of my stuff seems to be, so not for everyone, but I’m really happy with it! ^^

(in a universe where arthur does not move to tempo before college)

Vivi and Lewis were childhood sweethearts, they dated in highschool but separated amicably after graduation because they didn't want to risk a long distance relationship when vi went off to a remote college program while Lewis stayed at the restaurant to help out the family and decide what he wanted to do for the future (or Vivi stayed to work at the store - possibly duet is considering her for becoming a new owner? or just research while doing her online degree, while Lewis goes off to culinary school. think i actually like that idea better so hey! let's go with that instead) Arthur is attending an engineering school or the like in the same college town as Lewis, and meets him at an event held by the culinary school. Arthur is a starved college student and hey, free food, when he stumbles into a very attractive man at the pastries table. (possibly probably literally, including a classic 'oh god I'm so sorry you have frosting on your shirt I'm sorry let me help' as Lewis is trying to brush it off because hey, don't worry, accidents happen in a crowded place like this, his sisters have certainly done much worse intentionally.) arthur insists on getting him a coffee at least to pay him back and whoops they fall into dating after one coffee turns into several and they get to know each other more. at the same time in the background, Arthur is going through shit with his parents and is planning on moving his stuff to an uncle estranged from the family for the same reasons (Lance, who had reached out to him a year or so back when the drama started. Queer!Lance Rights!) as they disown him. Lewis knows it's a very sensitive subject and doesn't ask prying questions as long as he knows Arthur is safe and okay with things (another reason it's good to have him be the Away datemate, since while i love her i think Vivi would definitely press more, want to know where exactly this mysterious relative lives and would quickly figure out the plot twist lmao) arthur eventually takes a semester off to move his stuff and take a bit to recover from his family's cruel final treatment, while connecting more with Lance. he wanders into a local bookshop one day and is greeted by a very cute (and very blue) woman behind the counter. Vivi is a bit of a flirt and flusters him a bit (turns out this new guy is absolutely adorable when he blushes!) but backs off quickly when he says he's flattered but he has a boyfriend. after an awkward pause he stutters a bit but coughs and says he might be interested but only if his boyfriend was okay with it. (certainly helps she has her various pride pins on her lanyard with her more geeky ones, otherwise there's no way in hell he'd out himself like that) I've run out of steam for the more detailed stuff rn but ideas? nvm screw it here's more blocked out Lewis doesn't go home on breaks for the most part because of money constraints, arthur would be in the same boat minus the exception of moving his stuff to lance's. the culinary school has a very nice student kitchen for the dorms, and lew really loves cooking for artie on their date nights when possible. art and vi mostly have dates through video games and text, while Arthur is assured Lewis is okay with him also dating someone else when they're together he doesn't want him feeling like a second choice (yay internalized projecting of family issues!) so he reserves calls and video chats with her for when he's at his own dorm or Lew has classes. Lew and vi both chat, they're still great friends, but neither wanna jinx their new relationship (and also awkward since they only just recently broke up, even if they're still close) so keep it on the down-low, maybe a quick 'oh, uh, also I've started seeing someone but it's pretty new so i kinda don't wanna say too much yet, if that's okay?' 'oh, me too! yeah, same…' through various other contrived plot shenanigans the three never end up connecting the dots until the boys go home for summer break, promising to keep in touch, and Vivi takes Arthur to Paradiso to celebrate him coming back and to meet her best friend that just got home today! cue spiderman pointing meme as the three meet in the dining room

#lewvithur #vithur #lewthur #msa #mystery skulls animated #answrs writes

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ddaengyoonmin · 4 years ago

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Pairing: Single dad / childhood best friend!Jungkook x Reader

Genre: !!ANGST!!, smut.

Word count: 7.1k

Warnings:(issa dark oneee) Mentions of abuse, abusive parent, underage drinking and drug use, Jungkook is an ass, lots of descriptions of smoke and cigarettes in an unhealthy way. Mentions of vomiting. Toxic behaviors in general; Rough play; handjob; edging; Sub!Jungkook; Dom!Reader; choking; biting; overstimulation; slight mentions of blood; just all around physical and emotional pain definitely not #goals.

a/n: definitely cried a bit writing this. This story ended up becoming super important to me and something I think I’ve been holding in for a while. A lot of this story is based on my own life and personal experiences, which is why the first part is a highschool backstory. Absolutely nothing sexual happens until they are both adults, the first part of the story was just a necessary cathartic therapy moment for me to get out :_)

(Also I tried to make this a gender neutral insert, but this is my first time doing that so kindly let me know if there's anything I can do to improve on that!)

Song inspiration: Kathleen- Catfish and the Bottlemen; Rango- Catfish and the Bottlemen; Anything-Catfish and the Bottlemen

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He was completely insane. It never made you like him any less though.

When you’d first heard Jungkook was back in town you had so many different emotions running through you, you thought you’d faint at the feeling.

------

When you were still in highschool, he had been your closest friend. You spent practically every day after school with Jungkook, smoking in your car, driving around through cemeteries laughing about something funny one of your teachers had said, or the security guard who’d tried to chase you down the halls for skipping 2nd hour earlier in the day. There never seemed to be a dull moment when he was around.

When you’d first met him, insane and reckless were never words that would’ve come into your mind.

He was a grade younger than you and had seemed to fly mostly under your radar through all your highschool years. It wasn’t until the second half of your Junior year that you'd even noticed he existed.

You’d shown up to the first day of track practice the way you always had, scanning over the new freshman on the team. You’d mistaken him for a freshman and greeted him as such. He nervously and shyly corrected you that he was actually a Sophomore just searching around for something new to try out.

About half way through the practice you noticed a group of your teammates had swarmed around Jungkook and he looked to be almost in tears as he cowered under their words and faces, looking up at them all.

He was a small child, not very muscular and extremely geeky looking. You found it endearing though, and found the classmates picking on him infuriating.

You stormed across the track over to where they stood demanding to know their problem, they all were also a grade younger than you and seemed to be intimidated by you. How could they not be with the star of the track team chewing them out like they were being condemned to hell.

After they left, two big saucer eyes stared up at you, tears still slightly pooled up in his lower lid, he wiped them off with the back of his hand.

“Thank you.” He sniffled. He explained that everyone in his grade always picked on him like that. He didn’t really have any friends, and everyone seemed to think of him as the weird kid.

After that day the two of you were inseparable.

You went to the city fair together on the last day of school that year, and that was the first time it happened.

You were supposed to be at a school sanctioned celebration, you’d told your mom that's where you’d be.

But here you were sitting in your car with Jungkook before going to the fair, the two of you giggling as he messily tried to roll a joint, swearing that his older brother had taught him how.

You felt yourself bleeding guilt for lying to your parents. But, how could anything that sweet Jungkook convinced you to do be bad?

Stoned out of your mind the two of you ran hand in hand around the fair, giggling and riding your favorite rides too many times. That was the first time you realized, he was truly your best friend.

That summer had you pulling a 180 on everything you’d ever thought you were capable of.

Before you knew it, you were sneaking out of your house multiple times a week to drive around with Jungkook and smoke, listening to music and feeling free.

———

It was now the middle of summer. You were sitting in your car while Jungkook was filling up gas for you.

Two girls and a man approached Jungkook and started chatting. You found that odd, but then again, Jungkook had a habit of getting into conversations with strangers everywhere you went.

You never really noticed it til then, but at some point, he had really changed from the boy you met. He was more outgoing, he was dressing better…

A tap on your window surprised you.

“Hey y/n! These guys are throwing a party at their place, let's just park your car here and go! They said just hop in!”

You felt your jaw drop a bit as you opened your mouth to protest. But he was staring back at you so excited, so hopeful that you’ll join him. You agreed, against all better judgement and that sick feeling in your stomach that you shouldn’t be getting into a car with strangers.

Jungkook whispered in your ear as the two of you walked to your car. “I told them we were 22” He chuckled. Your heart dropped a bit, more sick feelings coming on.

“Okay.” You managed to nod and agree somehow. Jungkook excitedly opened the door to their backseat, as if he did this kind of thing all the time.

You were both lucky, the strangers were not murderers, though there was no party, just them and some beer and a hookah in a messy apartment living room.

None of it felt right, it didn’t really feel like a fun time. Jungkook though seemed to think he was at the party of the century. He chugged the beer they gave him in no time and was up messing with their stereo trying to get on some “PARTY MUSIC” he screamed out.

In no time at all that firecracker of a boy was wasted and trying to dance up on their table.

It wasn’t long before the apartment owners realized their mistake, this child was completely off the rails drunk. One of them tried to bring him down from the table and he somehow managed to kick their glass hookah entirely across the room.

There was a still silence as you all looked at the shattered glass on the ground. You had your hand clasped over your mouth looking from the glass to Jungkook.

Jungkook’s eyes were wide at you, the smile that grew on his face seemed ill fitting for the moment, as the apartment owners were obviously furious.

“Run!” Jungkook screamed out in a laugh, rushing over to you and grabbing you tightly by your wrist and pulling you out the front door.

Then the two of you ran, you just kept running down the street till your lungs gave out and you collapsed on the ground on a grassy patch in front of a gas station.

Jungkook’s chest was heaving but he still managed a loud laugh, his eyes crinkling as he held his stomach, rolling over onto his side.

“Jungkook. That was insane…” You gasped out.

“That was fun.” he chuckled, seeming to be unphased by it all with a casual smile, rolling back onto his back and staring up at the sky.

And that was the moment you realized how crazy he was.

After that, things like this were common with Jungkook. You were his protector at school and his partner in mischief and crime.

The two of you ended up both quitting track together, against your parent’s scolding and the coaches yelling about losing one of their star runners.

You knew you wouldn’t be a star that year though, with all the smoking you’d been doing and you’d skipped out completely on practicing throughout the summer. It just seemed pointless. And you wanted more time with Jungkook before you had to leave…

———

You found yourself getting in increasingly more dangerous situations. ��He’d have you take him to parties at nearby university dorms, he refused to learn to drive, part of you felt like it was just because he liked you driving him around.

He always lied about his age, that never sat right with you.

Sometimes you found yourself gripping both hands on a beer bottle so tightly you thought your fingers might snap while he was getting talked to by every person that walked by. People loved him at first glance every time you went out together. But they didn’t know him.

They didn’t get to see his real chaos, they never learned the lies he told them, they’d never be able to understand him. Not like you thought you knew him.

You knew things weren’t good at home for Jungkook. He had an older brother he was close with named Jin, and a young sister named Jill, both very lovely, but his dad was a real piece of work. In the whole time you’d been friends with Jungkook you’d only been to his house twice, he avoided ever taking you there if he could.

You found out why when one of the times Jungkook had thought it’d be safe to bring you over for a moment, his dad got home from work early.

“What’s this shit.” His dad had grumbled at Jungkook, pointing to the light eyeliner he had around his eyes. Jungkook had recently started to wear makeup, he did a good job of making it look natural, but today he’d gone a little heavy on the eyeliner.

“Nothing.” Jungkook muttered, turning his back to his dad.

Apparently that was the wrong move, and all you could do was stand there, frozen.

Jungkook and you have never talked about that day. But it was traumatic for you both. You held him close that night as he cried in your arms, sitting in the parking lot of your favorite park to smoke in.

His eye now even more black than it had been with just the eyeliner, which was now smudged across his face due to his tears.

You vowed to never let anyone hurt him ever again. No matter what.

---------

Months later Jungkook was taking pictures of you, for your senior pictures. Talking about how you’d be gone next year but you’d still stay in touch. Graduation was hanging over you like a dark cloud. You didn’t want things to change between you and Jungkook.

As much trouble as you’d gotten in, as much as your grades had dropped this year, as much as your parents gave him judgemental looks any time he was around, you loved him so much.

---------

It was the last month of school.

He was gone.

Somehow his father had managed to get your phone number and you were hearing an entire vocabulary of cuss words.

“I know you’re hiding him from me. Where the fuck is he?’ the man growled on the other end of the phone.

You wish you knew.

But he just didn’t show up to school that day.

He didn’t text you like he always did to say that he was ready to be picked up.

No voicemail.

Not a word.

And now even his dad was calling you. The worry that you felt had you not paying attention to one word of your classes all day.

And the next day.

And the rest of the week.

Until next monday. He was just...there.

“What the fuck Jungkook!” You punched him in the shoulder. He looked like a mess, his hair hadn’t been cut or washed in a while, and he looked like he was wearing the remnants of makeup from a few days ago.

He chuckled “I decided to just hop a train out of town for a while” He shrugged “fuck it.”

“And you couldn’t tell your best friend where you went? Do you realize I thought you were dead?” You snapped at him.

He shrugged again. “It's fine. It was fun!” He smiled a giant toothy grin.

Your blood was boiling. How could he not even say sorry? How could he act like this didn’t affect you at all. It was infuriating.

You didn’t talk to him for a week.

------

You made up with Jungkook, but things never went back to normal. You were always waiting for him to just up and leave again. To just abandon you and act like nothing is even the matter…

You’d graduated and it was summer, you thought like last summer you’d be hanging out together most every day.

But, he stopped asking.

When you did hang out with him, he’d continuously mention this new group of friends he’d found in the town he ended up in on his little adventure. You’d think they were celebrities the way he gushed about them.

There was a girl of course, she was ‘the most beautiful mess he’d ever seen’. You found yourself holding back a sob at those words, because you knew exactly what he meant. Because it was the same as what you saw when you looked at him.

He was increasingly spending more time with his new friends than you, and school would be starting for you soon...maybe it was a good thing. He was still in highschool and you were becoming an adult, he needed friends in his grade.

That didn’t make it hurt less though.

Only about a month into summer, with a simple text Jungkook invited himself over, asking you to order some pizza and said he’d be staying the night.

In your new apartment you’d gotten to yourself after graduation, Jungkook now smoking with you on your couch, the two of you chuckling about the show you were watching. Nothing seemed wrong at that moment, it all seemed finally back to normal between you two.

And that was the last time you had seen Jungkook for 4 years.

------------

You’d checked your phone what seemed like every minute for the first month he was gone.

Even texting his brother Jin many times and getting no reply.

You waited for him to come back with some wild and crazy story of new trouble he’d gotten himself into. You figured he had to come back, he still had school, and with Jin in college he’d never leave his little sister alone with that monster right?

But as months continued to pass, it was clear he wasn’t coming back. All of his social media platforms had been deleted or you’d been blocked.

There weren’t enough tears in your body for how hard you cried yourself to sleep each night when you realized he really was gone. You felt your body heaving against your mattress with each loud sob. Your head was beginning to throb from the tears and from the stress of knowing you really had lost him.

Not that he was ever yours.

That was something you should’ve realized sooner.

Jungkook would never belong to anyone or any place.

You chuckled at a memory of skipping class, sitting in your car in the school parking lot, his wild eyed smiling expression when he’d pass you back your cigarette completely smoked to the end.

“How!?” You’d smack his shoulder with a laugh. “It was only half smoked and I handed it to you for a hit!!! How is it gone!”

He’d wink, laugh and lean back in his seat. “Just trying to die quicker.”

------------

You’d graduated from your university this year. Life had pretty much gone according to plan for you that way, you had to retake one class which really wasn’t bad considering how much you’d fallen off at the end of highschool.

You were finishing up your shift at the chain restaurant you’d been working at the past year. As you were clearing off dishes sighing over another table stiffing you on a tip, you felt your phone buzz in your pocket.

Quickly you took the dishes into the kitchen to the dishwasher and went to the bathroom to check your phone.

It was a text from a former classmate you’d hung out with a few times. You and Jungkook would smoke with him occasionally, though Jungkook seemed closer to him than you. It didn’t surprise you, Jungkook made friends so easily when they weren’t in his own grade.

Jungkook…

What was surprising was that it’d actually been a bit since you’d thought about Jungkook in a way that made your heart ache this way. It’d been years, he was nothing more than a story you’d tell to new friends. That wild child that you hung around with in highschool, the one who got you into so much trouble. People’s eyes would widen at some of the stories you’d told (If only they knew the ones you didn’t dare repeat)

“You could’ve died!” They’d say.

Or “He seems like he was just a toxic friend.”

Some even would ask you if you think maybe he could’ve been a sociopath.

You'd laugh and say it was probably true. As much as you had hung out with Jungkook, you never quite felt like that love you held for him as your friend was ever returned.

The older you got and the more you looked back on it, Jungkook never did anything but use you.

You drove him everywhere, you bought him dinners, you bought the cigarettes and weed, you defended him from his classmates( even though you’d seen him stab a man with a pen at a party once, over simply interrupting him.)

And what did Jungkook give to you?

Chaos. Trouble. Pain. Hurt…

You closed your eyes and gulped. You want him out of your head. But when you open your eyes and stare back down to the text on your phone, that wish is impossible.

‘Jungkook is back’ It read.

A chill spread across your entire body and your phone clattered to the floor. You didn’t even think about the cracked screen you’d likely caused. Your mind was stuck on one word, one name.

Jungkook.

Jungkook…

You actually felt sick, luckily you were already in the bathroom, rushing into one of the stalls you emptied your stomach, tears forming in your eyes you collapsed with your back to the cold painted cement of the bathroom wall.

He's back.

What does that even mean?

While Jungkook had been a geeky little kid in his classmates eyes for most of his life, his reputation had started to get around. When he went missing he was the talk of the town. Everyone seemed to have their own theory.

“I heard he ran off with a meth dealer.” … “No, I heard he’s in florida fighting alligators.” …. “That's bullshit he's obviously finally gotten himself in juvi!” they’d all speculated.

The worst part of hearing all of that, was that you could only speculate too.

He’s back…

A second text came in. You gulped and looked down to see a link to an instagram page kookymonster69. Of course it was that, you chuckled.

You clicked the link and it sent you over to his page. There were only three pictures posted, he really had just come back...you’d thought maybe he’d just blocked you so somehow this was a relief.

The first photo was a selfie, and WOW. He did not look like the small lanky boy that you had been friends with.

He was wearing a loose fitting tank top that showed off his massive biceps and the tattoos that covered his arms and hands. His hair was still jet black but he seemed to have learned how to perfectly style it, and his eyeliner was more on point than it's ever been.

“Fuck.” You whispered under your breath. Your heart beat fast right before it sank at the second picture.

It was him with a child that looked to be around 3 years old, the caption reading ‘My lil mini me’.

Oh…

Your mind flashed back to the girl he’d always talked about, the time he’d been spending with his new friends instead of you.

Of course.

Of course that's where he went.

But why couldn’t he tell you? Why would he think you wouldn’t want to be involved in his kids life?

You cursed again under your breath and without thinking you pressed the follow button.

“I-” You gasped. You really hadn’t meant to do that. But, maybe it's good he knows that you know he's back…

--------

Two days later you got a notification. Kookymonster69 is following you on instagram.

Within minutes a dm was popping up on your screen.

“Long time no talk huh?” it read.

You wanted to throw your phone against the wall. Though that would be the second act of unwarranted phone violence because of this little shit. So you held back. Theres only so much in your life he’s allowed to fuck up.

How could he think that was what you wanted to hear after all this time. No different than when he’d hopped a train out of town and came back like nothing was out of the ordinary.

No apology. No “You must’ve been so worried”

You started to type out a message telling him off. Asking him what the fuck was wrong with him, just dissapearing and coming back into your life like this.

You maxed out the word count on your text and re read it back over. Sighing, you deleted every word and sent a simple.

“Yeah...it really has been a while. How are you?”

Damnit. You groaned and tossed yourself onto your side on your couch.

He replied almost instantly.

“Better lately...I have a son.”

“I saw, he looks a lot like you. I always knew if you had a kid they’d look just like you lol called it” you felt a smile grow on your face, despite every bone in your body reminding you of who he was, and what he’s done...here you were letting your cheeks catch fire once again at his words.

“He does. lol he’s so much smarter than me though already.”

“I don’t doubt that ;) “

It was about ten minutes and he hadn’t replied. You knew ten minutes wasn’t a long time, nothing compared to four years. Yet somehow those ten minutes were the longest moments you’d ever experienced.

“I wanna see you again.” the words read on your phone. You felt your stomach tie itself up into a tight knot.

Bad idea. Bad idea. You should have never even replied.

Why were you digging up the past?

You quickly turned your phone over and groaned.

Letting him back in would likely only bring you more pain. Why the hell were you actually considering it.

This time it was your turn to wait a while before replying. You were weighing pro’s and con’s lists in your brain and though the con’s list kept growing, the Pro list’s first and only item seemed to top it all. ‘Its Jungkook.’

---------

So here you were. Waiting in your car outside of the address he’d texted you to pick him up at. You were parked outside of a cheap looking apartment building only about five minutes from where you lived. You wondered how long he’d been here...this close to you without you knowing.

You sucked in a deep breath when you saw him walk out the front door. He was wearing an oversized grey baggy t-shirt and tight black skinny jeans ripped at the knee where you could see the start of a tattoo peeking out. He had on silver chains and his hands were covered in rings, he looked like some kind of goth model.

You rolled the window down and called over to him.

“Not sure if you remember my car.” You spoke lightheartedly trying to offset the nervous feeling, and another feeling you were still trying to sort out.

He belly laughed and smoothly opened your passenger door and hopped in.

“How could I forget!” his dark eyes were wide and excited as always, his charming smile you’d once been so used to now making your brain practically glitch out. “I can’t believe you still have it.”

You shyly shook your head. “Broke college student” You chuckled. “So what are we doing? You said you just wanted to chill…”

Jungkook smiled and relaxed back into your seat, like he’d done a million times, so naturally. Though he didn’t look like the same small boy you once knew.

“Yeah, like old times.” He winked and pulled out a small baggie of weed.

You rolled your eyes and smiled.

“C’mon don’t tell me you quit.” He teased.

“Of course I didn’t.” You chuckled.

“Good y/n.” He smiled cutely, booping your nose with one finger, and you felt your heart stop.

Your face must’ve fallen or had some sort of expression to let him know he’d affected you, because he immediately punched your shoulder as if to snap you out of your thought.

“Give me a cigarette then and let's go.” He demanded joyfully, banging on the dash of your car and giving you an “onward” motion with his arm for you to start driving.

You drove around for about an hour, smoking cigarettes and passing a joint back and forth.

He didn’t talk much about himself or what he’d been up to and he also didn’t ask much about you either. When you’d bring up questions you got short replies that didn’t seem very satisfying.

“So are you still with your kids mom?” You asked him as he was passing you an almost fully smoked joint.

“Hell no!” he coughed out smoke with his words. “Evil.” he muttered and shook his head.

“Evil?”

“Yup.” he nodded, grabbing another cigarette from your pack without asking. Just as he always used to. What's yours was always his back then, but right now his casual way of falling back into old routines was hurting, you couldn’t stand it anymore.

You pulled into the parking lot of you and Jungkook’s favorite park you’d hangout at. You pressed the brakes suddenly and aggressively bringing the car to a half.

“Woaah.” Jungkook giggled as he let out a tiny puff of smoke.

“You left.” You felt yourself about to explode. Trying to hold it in was becoming impossible.

“You just LEFT.” You yelled the last word, startling him and making him cower back against the window.

“Y/n…” His eyes widened as he gave you his best puppy dog face, this was the first time you’d probably ever really yelled at him. He’d been scolded plenty of times, but you were always soft on your Jungkook. He didn’t deserve that though, you might not have been dating, but he’d broken your heart and you deserved an explanation.

“Why didn’t you tell me? How could you just leave me without a word?” You felt tears forming in the corners of your eyes.

It was silent in your car for a while.

Jungkook brought the last hit of his cigarette to his mouth shakily.

“No.” He shook his head, doing something that always gave you the chills. The way he could turn his cutesy eyes into stone cold daggers in an instant used to make your heart drop into your stomach. Though right now you were a bit too worked up to feel anything but anger at him.

“No?”

“Yeah. No. I don’t need to tell you shit.” He shook his head, his eyes not meeting yours.

“Right.” You huffed, sinking into your seat. “Why would you. Why would you tell your best friend what's going on in your life right?” you snapped and realized the words building inside had reached your tongue faster than your brain could tell you to stop.

“Though I guess maybe we never really were best friends? Maybe I just thought that because you hung around me so much. But you never actually gave a shit about me did you?”

Jungkook’s eyes were widening and he was cowering further away from you.

“I would’ve done anything for you Jungkook, you know that? Died for you, killed for you. Do you realize how many times I took the fall and got in trouble for things you did? And you just…let me. You always just let me get hurt for you, let me ruin myself for you. And you never cared. And then you just...left.”

Your last words came out as a choked up whisper.

Jungkook was staring at the cigarette in his hand that had gone out, twirling it between his tattoo’d fingers and pursing his lips together tightly.

“Why’d you keep hanging around me then if you hated it so much.” He grumbled, seeming genuinely hurt by your words.

You sighed. Hating that now you felt the need to comfort *him*. You shook your head. No. He doesnt get to get away with that.

“I guess I don’t know.” You muttered glaring at him.

His eyes met yours for a moment but on seeing your anger they quickly flitted away.

“You seemed helpless.” You answered after a moment. “That's why. I thought you needed me. I thought I was helping you by being there for you. I didn’t realize you were destroying me.”

At that Jungkook’s gaze was serious and direct at you.

“Destroying you?”

“Nevermind. This was just a mistake.” You murmured starting to put your car into reverse to leave. A large tattoo’d hand pressed onto yours stopping you.

“Hey.” He spoke seriously.

You stopped and looked over at him, already visibly exhausted from this conversation.

“Just…” He grabbed another cigarette from your pack and lit it, sucking in a large hit. “I missed you, trust me.” he grumbled.

“Oh wow, well at least you missed me the four years you chose to not talk to me.” You hissed out slightly getting in his face, making him flinch back.

“I’m not gonna say sorry.” He whispered, his doe eyes staring at you intensely, his eyes flicking back and forth between your eyes and what seemed to be your lips.

Of course he’s not. Of course he does know that's what you want. You had an urge to grab his face in your hands and just shake some sense into him and scream ‘Why can’t you just have some normal human emotions you complete sociopath.’

Instead your body’s next choice of action was one that neither of you were expecting.

As if your lips were magnets, yours fell onto his quickly and perfectly, snapping the two of you in place together.

You pulled back with a gasp, holding your lower lip between your thumb and index finger, feeling mortified at yourself.

Jungkook on the other hand had a smirk slowly growing on his face, his eyes mischievous, likely knowing this was his “in” back to your good side.

The fact that you knew that's probably what he was thinking should’ve been enough to have you stop right there. But the way his eyes were now scanning you up and down in admiration was too intoxicating, too addicting, you’d missed him too much.

“Do your seats still fold all the way down.” He pointed to your backseat with a chuckle.

You smacked his shoulder. “And why would that matter to you.” You teased, almost completely forgetting how angry you’d just been with him. Damnit, how did he do that.

He shrugged with a knowing laugh, his eyes crinkling up cutely, bringing his still lit cigarette to his lips.

“You wanna get even?” He glanced at the back seat again.

“Get even?”

“Yeah.” He winked “You seem like you’ve got a lot of pent up steam at me there. I'm just suggesting some sanctioned punishment-” the corners of his lips curled up mischievously at the word. ”-so maybe you’ll feel a bit less upset at me.”

Bad idea. Bad idea. Those words were playing on a loop in your brain.

Trying to remind you of every bit of hurt and pain he’d caused you, and how if you slept with him, you knew that pain would only hurt worse the next time.

Jungkook was already getting out of the car and putting the seats of your station wagon down flat into a makeshift bed.

You had your fingers clenched tightly around your steering wheel, knuckles turning white. This is Jungkook, not just a one night stand, not a new fling. This is *Jungkook*. You knew there was a higher chance than not that you’d be filled with regret after this.

But there he was now laying out in the back seat of your car, staring at you with a cute and enticing look. “y/n.” He spoke sweetly. “You can come punish me now” He winked.

You couldn’t deny to yourself how much you wanted him.

You took one more deep breath in and without taking another thought to it you rushed into the back seat with him.

He was laying on his side with his head propped up on his hand.

“Took you long enough.” he teased.

Before he could say anything else you were on top of him, pushing him onto his back and pressing him to the seat with one hand and putting another one over his mouth.

“You’re definitely going to have to shut up.” You growled.

His eyes lit up at the fire you’d shown him. He’d never seen you like this before, his sweet y/n that always looked after him, looked out for him, picked him up every time he needed it.

He knew he fucked up. But life itself was fucked up, nothing in life is fair and no one gets what they truly deserve. Jungkook especially. So why would he owe anyone an apology?

This was the best he could give to you.

He nodded, agreeing to be quiet for you.

You slowly let your hand fall from his mouth and replaced it with your lips, melting into him, you were kissing him like you’d been starved for it. Your fingers started to tangle in his hair, messing it up and tugging slightly.

Jungkook's hand reached around your waist, pulling you against him, moving down to your hips and trying to get you to grind against him.

You quickly reached down and grabbed his wrist, pinning it above his head and shaking your head slightly as you gave him a few more pecks.

“Don’t get greedy. You can’t be patient after all this time?” You scolded.

He stuck out his lower lip in a pout, taking in the sight of you straddling him, looking down at him with a mix of emotions still flowing through you.

You went back to kissing him, pinning his other hand above his head and after a bit, rewarding him by pressing your core down onto his and giving him the friction he’d wanted.

He let out a soft and needy whimper as you did.

You felt butterflies filling your stomach at his noise. It was so gentle and sweet, and to know that you were the one making Jungkook feel this way was a sense of pride you’d never felt before.

You stacked his wrists one on top of the other and held them in one hand, your other hand now slipping between where your bodies met and palming him over his jeans.

He hissed out a sharp breath and a small “fuck” fell from his lips involuntarily.

“Does that feel good baby?” You teased him pulling back from your kisses and studying his face, knowing the answer was obvious.

He bit down on his lower lip and his eyes were clenched tightly as he nodded.

Your fingers fumbled slightly but didn’t take you too long to undo his jeans and slip your hand inside, now running your hand slowly along his length over his boxers. His hips lifted slightly off of the seat, pressing up against your hand desperately wanting more.

At that you gave him a slight squeeze, causing him to yelp out. His eyes were wide staring up at you.

“I said don’t get greedy. Remember, this is supposed to be for me.” You chuckled at his disappointed face. “You’ve always been so fucking selfish and greedy.” You gently kissed his lips, before roughly taking his lower one between your teeth and biting harshly.

“Fuck.” he hissed, a small drop of blood now forming where you’d nipped at him, but he only seemed more hungry for you now.

You tugged on the hem of his pants and boxers. “Off now.” You demanded.

He wasted no time after you released his wrists, he tugged down his clothes, pulling up his shirt slightly and letting his length fall against his toned lower abs.

He was so beautiful, smiling up at you with a playful look. It was an absolute joke for you to think you were actually in charge here. You were wrapped around his finger and you always had been.

He looked absolutely mouthwatering. But you didn’t want to let it get to his head. This was supposed to be payback.

You went back to kissing him, that way you didn’t have to look at him, that way you didn’t risk saying the words that you shouldn’t...

With a free hand you took his length into your hand, letting the weight of him sit in your palm for a moment before slowly tickling your fingers up and down. He twitched under your touch and his kisses faltered as he let out a small gasp.

“y/n no more teasing.” He moaned out.

“I thought I said shut up.” Your hand was back over his mouth, but you decided to indulge him for a moment, pumping your hand up and down his length a few times. You could feel his moans vibrate against the palm of your hand still clamped down on his lips.

You let him go and slowly moved yourself down so that his cock was positioned right in front of your face. Letting your tongue lay flat against the base with pressure you licked a long stripe up his cock. When you got to the tip you flicked your tongue a few times right under his head. His hips reflexively moved up at that, begging you to take him fully in your mouth.

Instead you “tsk’d” at him a few times, loosely holding his cock in your hand and not moving.

“It's no fun just sitting there waiting is it?” You asked. “How do you think I felt waiting for you for years.” You lightly slapped the tip of his cock with your hand not holding it.

“AH!” He yelled out “Hey!” he strained his neck to be able to give you a shocked expression.

“Too far?” You cocked an eyebrow at him.

He thought for a moment, then shook his head, laying back down. “No. No it's not that I don’t like it.” He chuckled. “Just...it's you. I never thought you’d be like this in bed.”

You were suddenly moving up to face him, your hand grabbing the sides of his neck tightly. “You don’t know me anymore.” You growled. “You made sure of that by cutting me out of your life for four fucking years.” your grip on his neck tightened slightly before you released him.

He gasped in a deep breath when you pulled away, looking up at you in awe.

You moved your hand back between his legs now pumping quickly, twisting over his head when you’d get to it. You ate up every moan that you pulled from his lips, they were yours, you’d caused every single one and they were yours to keep forever.

Right before it looked like he was going to cum, you pulled your hand away, leaving his cock untouched and throbbing.

“No..” He whimpered, “Please please.” His needy whines were so cute.

“But why should you get to cum?” You teased him.

He pouted dramatically. “Y/n…” He spoke sweetly “Cuz you love me. Make me cum because you love me.” He smiled a wide and precious smile.

Fuck.

Your mouth hung open at his words. Of course he knew you loved him.

All the easier to use you.

Because that made it all the harder for you to say no to him.

Letting your forehead rest against his, you brought your hand back to his length, letting your fingers drag against his soft skin as you gripped him.

You could see a small smirk on his face, as his breathing became even more unsteady, his moans catching in his throat as he panted heavily.

“Oh my god that feels so fucking good.” He groaned out. “Fuck.” His hands were gripping the back of the front seat that his head was pressed up against, his muscles flexing as he tightened his grip unable to contain how good you were making him feel.

His abs were clenched and his hips were lifting off of the seat for you as he desperately fucked himself into your hand.

“I-I’m cumming.” He gasped out, his eyes met yours as he came, his mouth falling completely open and noises resembling your name were being muttered as his hips jerked and his cock twitched in your hand, spurting ropes of cum onto his stomach.

You didn’t stop moving your hand around him, waiting for him to get so sensitive that he had to pull your arm away, both of you laughing.

You rolled over next to him, turning your head to face his.

He was facing the top of the car, eyes closed and he had a big smile on his face, seeming very satisfied with himself.

“Even?” He finally opened his eyes, turning to you with a bright grin.

You chuckled.

It probably would be asking too much to expect Jungkook to see the flaw in his logic here. Once again, he’d gotten you to give him everything, for nothing in return, and he wanted to call that his apology.

You shook your head at him.

“No. But I do feel a little better.”

He nodded, seeming to somehow take that as a positive.

“You’re good at that.” He sat up, taking his shirt off and using it to wipe off his stomach.

“Thanks…” You muttered. Here it was, the regret setting in. The feelings of ‘what the fuck did I just do’. Even worse was the feeling of knowing now that you had, all he had to do was say the word, and you’d be right back there again.

You exited the backseat of the car quickly, rushing to grab a cigarette from your glove compartment, your fingers shaky as you brought the lighter up to the tip. Flicking it many times but not getting a flame.

“Fuck!” You yelled, chucking the lighter as far as you could, managing to make it over a fence and into the park.

Jungkook had just gotten out of the back seat in time to witness your little display. He didn’t say anything, simply grabbing another lighter from the front seat along with a cigarette for himself and walking it over to you.

You let him light your cigarette and the two of you stood for a minute in silence.

“Does this mean you’re actually back…” You whispered softly, almost not wanting to even ask, not wanting to know if it wasn’t the answer you were hoping to hear.

Maybe Jungkook knew that. Maybe that’s why he didn’t say anything at all.

He never told you he loved you, he didn’t even try and make you feel loved.

Maybe it was good that way, it might make it a bit easier when he leaves again.

Maybe it was better that way, it was kinder than being lied to.

#Jungkook smut #Jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #bts x reader #bts smut #bts fanfic #Jungkook x you #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x gender neutral reader #bts x you #jungkook reader insert #jungkook angst #bts angst #bts imagines #bts x gender neutral reader

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possiamo-andare · 4 years ago

Text

Just You (1)

JJ x Reader x Rafe (love triangle)

MASTERLIST

word count: 3.1k

summary: A new girl moves to OBX and a love triangle ensues. Your usual yearning, fluff writing :)

a/n: gosh, it has been too long. university has me swamped but since it’s the holiday break, i will try and update as much as i can. as of rn my other fic, sweeter, is on hold, while i try to write more and get back into the groove of things :) love y’all <3

Many people do not care to know the difference between new and old money. To the working class, new and old money were relatively the same. To some extent, that was true. People that had either new or old money were rich nonetheless but when you grew up rich like Rafe Cameron did, the difference was all that mattered.

The main difference was how the money was procured. Old money was passed down. No one from old money had to work since they were born rich. Their manners were taught at a young age. New money meant that they had worked for what they had. At some point, they were not rich and now they were. They were not as defined and they had to be taught, at an older age, how to act. Rafe’s mother used to say you could see who was from old and new money from their ties. If it was a man, their ties would be neutral colours, nothing flashy. People from new money usually had something to prove and so they would buy extravagant things. For women, it was their heels. Women from old money had small heels that were polished as well. Women from new money had tall heels and they had never learned that they should polish the heel along with the shoe.

Growing up as someone from old money, Rafe had normalized that there was a divide between the rich people in Figure 8. Of course, there was a divide between the Pogues and the Kooks but that divide was course and palpable. This divide was subdued and rarely ever spoken about. Kooks that came from old money lived on the west side of Figure 8 while the Kooks from new money resided on the east. This unspoken rule proved to be useful since the two groups of rich snobs never liked to speak to each other anyways. This rule had been in place years before Rafe was even born and he had thought it would still be there even after he died. That is, until Y/N moved in down the street.

It was at the beginning of June when she moved in. The first sign that things would end terribly was when her family pulled into the parking lot. Her mother drove a beat up blue Camaro while her father trailed behind in a black motorcycle. Most people that lived on the west side of the island didn’t have flashy cars but they were well maintained and not so loud. Everyone knew they were from new money before they even exited their cars. And when they did, it was confirmed these people had just become wealthy.

Rafe’s family, like most on the street, watched from their windows as a tall, burly man with a long black beard and sunglasses opened the truck of his wife’s car and carried two large bags in the door. His two sons, both similar in size and features, followed after him. They carried two pink suitcases inside as the man’s daughter and wife stayed outside to open their garage.

Rafe’s eyes glanced over their house. It was one of the bigger houses on the block but it looked more like a huge cottage than anything else. His mind went to the thought of hippies invading their neighbourhood. He gulped. If they were some type of laid back, motorcycling hippies, he’d go crazy for sure. He knew Sarah would love them though; she always complained about how boring their neighbourhood was. But boring meant normal and that’s what Rafe wanted.

As his mother gossiped on the phone, Rafe watched the mother and the daughter laugh together. The mother looked like a hippie. Her hair was tied up on the top of her head and it had clearly not been brushed. She wore a light green skirt that reached to her ankles which then led to the flip flops that she wore. A white t-shirt was tucked into her skirt and she had big bracelets of all different colours dangling off her wrists. The daughter’s style was similar to her mother’s. She wore pink bootcut jeans and a white crop top, black chunky platform boots pulling the look together. Her hair was different from her mothers and was let down to blow in the breeze. They all looked like polar opposites from everyone else living in Figure 8.

At first, Rafe could care less about the girl or her family across the street. Granted, he would religiously watch through the window for when she would come outside to ride her bike around the neighbourhood with her brothers, and yes, he would sometimes wait until she was outside for him to take out the trash but he didn’t like her. If anything, it was the opposite. Rafe was too good for her. At least, that’s what he led himself to believe.

The first time he spoke to her was two weeks after she moved in. His mother had told him to stay away from Y/N’s family and Rafe had done an amazing job at doing so. Unfortunately, that all stopped when he had to pick Sarah up from school. She had thrown up in the middle of one of her classes and since both his mother and father were at work, the responsibility was on Rafe to pick Sarah up and make sure she was okay. Although reluctant to go back to his old highschool, Rafe knew he’d be in trouble if he was late in picking up his sister. When he entered the school's administration office, he finally came face to face with the girl he had been watching for two weeks now. Except, her back was turned to him as she argued with the secretary.

“That’s what you call a vegetarian dish?” Y/N raised her voice, not particularly enjoying being ignored by the school administration. When she first had come to this school, she had checked off on her form that she needed vegetarian dishes for lunch. Now, everyday since she had come, they had served her horribly chopped up lettuce with vinegar.

“Miss -” Ms. Buzden said, placing her phone on hold. It was the student’s lunch break so she usually called her sister during this time but Y/N was keeping her from doing so.

“Y/N.” Y/N smiled, finally happy she had caught the woman’s attention.

Ms. Buzden rolled her eyes, sighing deeply. “Y/N, dear, if you have a problem with lunch, please take it up with the lunch ladies.”

Y/N sighed, leaning against the secretary’s desk. “I tried to, Beth, but she told me to come here. I will not be ignored.”

Rafe was almost as surprised as Ms. Buzden was when Y/N used her first name. As he stood behind Y/N, waiting for his turn to ask where Sarah was so he could sign her out, he watched in slight amusement at the fact she was nonchalantly complaining to the secretary.

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you dear.” Ms. Buzden forced a smile, finally looking over Y/N’s shoulder to Rafe. “Rafe, sweetie, you’re here to sign out Sarah?”

Rafe hesitated for a moment, knowing Y/N’s eyes were on his. He felt as if an imaginary spotlight had shown on him for a solo and he had forgotten the words. His eyes glanced toward Y/N for a moment but it did not help his stage fright. Her beautiful eyes were squinting in his direction and for a moment he thought he would faint underneath her stare. His eyes quickly returned to the secretary’s and nodded quickly. In an embarrassing turn of events, Y/N spoke before Rafe did.

“Hey, I know you.” Y/N’s bracelets clang together as she lifts her hand up and points at Rafe. “You’re my neighbour. You’re always watching me through your window.”

As the secretary busies herself with printing the paperwork, Rafe busies himself by stuttering and gasping for breath at the accusation she had just posed. In an attempt to save himself from anymore embarrassment, Rafe tries and fails at coming up with a good excuse. Instead, he denies the accusation entirely.

“I do not watch you.” Rafe stubbornly blubbers out. He’s trying not to seem so embarrassed but she’s caught him so off guard that there’s nothing else he can do.

Y/N snickers, watching the poor boy stumble on every word. For someone older than her, he was not very mature. “No, you’re right. Watching would imply a causal aspect to the activity. More like you stalk me.”

This time, Rafe boiled over with anger. How dare this girl accuse him of stalking her? Rafe did not chase after any girl, no matter how attractive she was. “That’s a bit arrogant, isn’t it? To think everyone’s eyes are on you?”

Y/N continued to smile, unbothered by Rafe’s obvious rudeness. She shrugs, looking back to the secretary for a moment and grabbing her terrible vegetarian lunch before looking back to Rafe. “Not everyone’s. Just yours.”

And with that, she leaves the office. And Rafe knows he is screwed, because he just met the love of his life.

JJ Maybank shared almost everything with his friends. Emphasis on almost. They had always relied on him to be the funny one. To always goof around and take nothing seriously. So, when his dad first started beating after his mother left, he said nothing. He felt it was an unnecessary burden to put on the people that truly loved him. Eventually, the bruises and scars were too overwhelming to keep a secret anymore and he began to confess all his issues to his friends. But even then, as JJ tried to open up to the people he cared the most about, there was one thing he could never share.

He was scared of love.

Not just any love, but specifically romantic love. Every time he felt himself begin to develop deep feelings for anyone, he soon backpedaled and left them hanging. It was too scary to give himself to anyone. It would be a lie if he said it had nothing to do with his mother leaving. He had always believed that there was no love greater than his parents when he was growing up and when his mother left, it shattered him. Of course, he never blamed her for leaving considering how abusive his dad was but it killed JJ to know she did not want him to come with her. He had begun to believe that she didn’t think he was important to bring along. He believed that if she truly loved him, she wouldn’t leave without him. That’s what scared him the most; the fact that someone can change their mind about love so quickly.

So, JJ ran at the first sign of love. And he never shared this with anyone. Until that day.

In early June, when Y/N had first moved to OBX, there was a Start of Summer Fair. Right after classes ended on the last day of school, people in the community organized a fair for everyone who was excited for the summer to start. It was exactly two weeks after Y/N had moved in. Exactly two hours after she spoke to Rafe. Funny how the world works.

Behind the fair, there was a small lake where rarely anyone ventured. It was usually muddy and no one in their right mind would go swimming there. With that being said, JJ wanted to go swimming there. He had spent a solid hour with his friends at the fair before becoming exhausted. It wasn’t so much that his friends were exhausting him but a girl named Anna was. He had gone out with her once and had never called her back (as per usual) but she had not picked up on the hidden messages JJ had given her. Instead, she followed him around during his entire time at the fair like a little lost puppy dog. Just as she announced she was going to the bathroom, JJ had almost died from boredom. Thankfully, her going to the bathroom let JJ slip away from his friends and sneak away from Anna.

“What do you want us to tell her?” Kie asked, watching as her best friend was breaking off from the group.

JJ shrugged, not possibly being able to care less. “I don’t care. For all I care, tell her I died.” A bit harsh, yes, but that’s how JJ operated. Abandon them before they abandon you.

The idea to hide near the lake hit him as soon as he left his friends. No one went back there, not if they wanted an infection. Although slightly disgusting, if that was what he had to do to get away and have a moment of peace, he would make that sacrifice. Unfortunately, he found no peace because the second the lake came into view between two thick trees, JJ saw a girl in the water. At first, he was going to leave, maybe even shout a quick joke her way for getting in the dirty water. But when he saw what she was doing, he became curious and couldn’t help but venture forward and investigate.

Y/N, too invested in what she was currently doing, did not see JJ approaching at first. Daisies had begun to grow around the lake, which was already odd on it’s own, but some of them floated on the surface level of the lake. Y/N thought a bunch of Daisies would be a good surprise for her mother so, in an effort to be thoughtful, she emerged herself, from the waist down, into the water. She was not afraid of the muddy water staining her white dress (she had worse stains on her clothes), even excited to show her mother the lengths she went to to get the Daisies. So, with one hand, she held onto a wicker basket full of Daisies and with the other hand, she grabbed a hold of the daisies in the water.

JJ watched in complete and utter fascination as this girl who he did not recognize, fearlessly went into the lake and plucked some Daisies to put in her basket. She almost didn’t even look real. He blinked quickly to make sure she was even actually there. When he opened his eyes and she was still there, he was glad he hadn’t imagined her.

Finally, Y/N sensed a presence that was not her own. Quickly turning to her right, she made eye contact with JJ and her face softened. He was the least threatening person she’d ever seen and something about him made her heartbeat pick up.

She brushed this feeling off and instead, with a small smile on her lips, spoke confidently. “Hello stalker.”

JJ blushed, shoving his hands into his pockets and taking a few steps closer to the lake. “I’m sorry. Was just wondering what you’re doing here. No one comes here.”

“You’re here, aren’t you?” Y/N quips backs, a playfulness in her voice.

JJ thinks he might faint. “Um, well, I’m hiding.”

Y/N giggled. “Me too actually.” She grabs more daisies and puts them in her basket. She looks back up at JJ and speaks to him again. “Who are you hiding from?”

JJ gulps. He doesn’t want to scare away this girl by telling her why he’s come back here. He knows anyone else would judge him but, as he looks at her, he can see she would never judge him. “I’m hiding from a girl.”

Y/N nods, not expressing any disgust and JJ’s heart jumps for joy. “I see. Ex-lover, I presume?”

JJ shrugs. “We only went on one date.”

“Must’ve been a terrible date.” She jokes, and JJ realizes that she’s completely stopped what she’s been doing to listen to him.

JJ shakes his head, focused on her cute round cheeks. “Not really. She was nice.”

Y/N pouts. “Then why are you hiding from her?”

JJ feels as though it is too complicated to explain. And besides, how would he start? He’s never told anyone why he truly has never had a girlfriend. But something about this girl makes him trust her completely. He knows it’s the arrogance in her eyes. “I’m scared.”

Y/N nods, as if she understands him completely and he feels as though she does. “I see. You know, when I get irrationally anxious over something like this, I play the What If game.”

JJ’s brows pull together in confusion. “What?”

Y/N moves through the water and closer to the edge where JJ stands. When she arrives at the water’s edge, she reaches her hand out for JJ to grasp. He hesitates first and knows it’s because he likes her so much already and this will be the first time they will touch. The first time he’ll feel her skin against his is beside this muddy lake. Eventually, he grabs her hand and helps her out of the water and he knows, the second his hand touches hers, she’s his dream girl. His hands are on fire and he feels a pit in his stomach grow as her hand grips tighter onto him. There’s a spark and he’s sure there has never been anyone else that made him feel this way.

“The What If game,” Y/N starts, placing her basket on the ground. She starts to ring out the water from her dress but continues to keep eye contact with JJ. “is really easy. Here; tell me a fear you have about falling in love but make sure it starts with ‘what if.’”

JJ thinks for a moment. There are so many and he doesn’t know where to start. Finally, he chooses his biggest fear. “What if she leaves?”

Y/N smiles. “What if she doesn’t though? But, what if she does and then you find who you’re actually supposed to be with? The game is to just rationalize every irrational fear.”

JJ nods, a small smirk growing at the corner of his lips. “You’re not one of those girls who believes every breakup brings you closer to your soulmate?”

Y/N laughs. “Yeah, I wish. I’m not your manic pixie dream girl - wait, what's your name?”

JJ extends his hand, ready to feel her skin again. “JJ Maybank. Yours?”

Y/N smiles and shakes JJ’s hand. This should be interesting, she thinks. “It’s Y/N.”

“So, Y/N,” JJ starts, her name feeling good coming from his mouth. “If you’re not my manic pixie dream girl, then what are you?”

Y/N smiles. She was right. This is definitely going to be interesting. “I’m just yours.”

tagging; @tovvaa

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t0wnspersonb · 4 years ago

Text

Reignition (Kozume Kenma x Reader)

Word Count: 2,147

Anonymous said:

Hi! I love your work so much! I was wondering if you could do a Kenma x reader? Where theyre really good childhood friends, but she moved to miyagi (karasuno) for highschool. So then they meet at the training camp and have rekindled feelings?? Sorry if yhis doesnt make sense! Again, I love your work so much!!!!

~~~~

I don’t know why I made this one so long lol. This was a lot of fun to write, anything that has to do with the training camp makes me so happy lmao. I hope you like this one anon! I hope I was able to write it how you wanted!

Another reminder that requests are closing on Saturday! I’m going through them all slowly but surely, after I finish these requests I probably won’t be taking them again for a while, so I can write up some other stories of mine to share with you guys! Anyway, I hope you guys are having a good week!

~~~~

You sighed in exhaustion as you walked through the doors with the chaotic duo. You were never going to babysit these two ever again, no matter what Daichi or Sugawara said.

If it wasn’t for them you would have already been at the training camp with everyone else, helping Shimizu and Yachi with the manager duties. But fate just wasn’t one your side this time, fearing that the two would ditch their supplementary exams and try to go to Tokyo on their own, Daichi had requested that you stay with them until the exams were done.

Which meant that you had to also suffer through a crazy drive with Big Sister Saeko, and as much as you loved her, you just so happened to love your life just a tad bit more to never want to suffer through that again.

Now you were just exhausted, luckily from the looks of it the practice matches were going to be wrapping up soon, which meant food, showering and a good night’s sleep.

You sighed once again, your eyes flickering over to your team, you could feel multiple pairs of eyes on you as the three of you walked further into the gym.

“Thanks for watching them Y/n-chan.” Daichi called out as you approached everyone.

“You owe me senpai.” was all you said as you walked passed them towards Shimizu and Yachi, wanting to get caught up on what happened while you were gone; completely oblivious to two pairs of lingering eyes coming from the Nekoma team.

“Must be nice having three managers,” Kuroo muttered, his eyes focusing in on your small figure. “I wonder if that one is new like the blonde one.”

Of course, everyone’s eyes lingered on your figure a tad bit longer than necessary, curious as to why Karasuno managed to have three managers, and well, because you were incredibly cute. It was fitting that you too would be part of the team, considering there were already two other cute managers.

The lucky bastards.

“Shoyo had mentioned earlier that they convinced one of their managers to come back to the team…” Kenma said quietly, his cat-like eyes following your every movement. “That’s probably her…”

Of course, Kenma had noticed how good looking you were, but the air of familiarity was too much. He couldn’t help but wonder if he had met you before.

“Why must the universe be so cruel!?” Yamamoto cried out.

Kenma sighed to himself. There was never any peace.

***

“Ne, ne Shoyo! Who was that other manager that walked in with you!?” Inuoka asked curiously.

Even though Kenma never removed his eyes from his game, he couldn’t help but to sit up straighter, ears perked up. Of course, he was curious too, you seemed incredibly familiar to him.

“Oh Y/n-senpai!” Hinata grinned. “She’s a second year at Karasuno, she’s been a manager since her first year.”

“How come I didn’t see her at the practice match?” Inuoka pondered aloud.

“Y/n-senpai’s health is very fragile! She was sick for a while and her parents made her quit. But she loves volleyball so much that she begged to come back to the team. Plus, she’s really pretty and a good manager!” Hinata gloated, eyes shining brightly.

Y/n… Kenma ignored the sudden race to his heart. He knew that name, he knew that name very well. In all honesty, he had never expected hearing it again, much less seeing you again.

It had been years.

He couldn’t help but wonder if you remembered him too.

Of course, he would remember you, his first love. The one that got away, the other person that he used to play with when he was younger other than - oh that’s right, Kuroo.

Did Kuroo recognize you too?

You did look different from when you were younger now that he thinks about it.

But then again, he looked different too. Kuroo maybe not so much. Just bigger, still just as annoying though.

“Well I should get going. We’re playing you guys first thing in the morning!” Hinata said, waving goodbye.

First thing in the morning?

Then maybe… he could see you again, right?

****

It was too early, way too early; especially with how rowdy the boys were already being.

It wasn’t just your boys either, but four extra teams on top of yours?

How were you going to survive this training camp?

“You’ve been sighing a lot this morning, Y/n-chan. Are you feeling okay? Do you need to go rest?” Shimizu asked, a slight concern to her voice.

“I’m fine senpai; I’m just thinking about how lively everyone is. It’s going to be a long trip isn’t it?” You grimaced, eyes scanning the sea of boys that were currently eating breakfast right now and -

“Oi! Yuu! Leave Tsukki alone before you break his glasses!” You called out to the libero, pointing the ladle in your hand at him accusingly, eyebrow raised as if daring him to challenge you.

The said male apologized, releasing his grip on the tall blonde and sitting down.

You sighed again, ignoring the giggles of the other managers around you.

“Y/n-chan is the best at handling our first-year duo and second year duo. They always listen to her, and she’s always looking out for them.” Shimizu explained, a small smile grazing her lips.

“Unwillingly.” You stated, “apparently my title as a manager has ‘babysitter’ in it. If I knew Daichi-senpai was going to make me watch those four when he can’t I wouldn’t have come back.” You started saying as you began serving the boys that finally came in for breakfast.

“I guess I do have some practice,” you begin saying, eyes fixated on the food in front of you as you serve. “when I was younger, I used to play with these two boys that were -” your eyes widened as you looked up to the next set of boys you were about to plate.

Kuroo looked at you in shock for a moment before a wide grin stretched across his face. While Kenna stood there frozen, although his heart rate was through the roof.

“Oya oya oya. If it isn’t little Y/n-chan. I didn’t even recognize you the other day. Who would have thought you’d be a manager at our rival school?” Kuroo said slyly.

“Tetsu… You look the same.” you grimaced.

“Oi why are you making that face!?” Kuroo huffed angrily before his eyes slid over to Kenma who was just… staring at you.

The sweetest smile grazed your lips, your eyes wide and bright and… were you blushing?

“Kenma.” You said softly.

He could have died right there, it felt like all the bars in his health evaporated into nothing as soon as you looked at him and said his name.

He definitely died and went straight to heaven; especially with a smile like that.

“Y/n.” he mumbled softly, eyes flickering away from you, burning holes into his food, ignoring the two pair of eyes that were now staring at him.

“You’re still just as shy as before.” you laughed softly as you served your childhood friends.

“We’ll have to catch up sometime Y/n-chan.” Kuroo said before walking off to find a table.

“Kenma.” you called out before he could scurry away with Kuroo. He glanced at you once more, pausing for you to continue.

“I’ve missed you. We should catch up soon.” you said quietly, a soft blush beginning to coat your cheeks.

“Yeah.” he nodded at you once more before walking off, leaving your heart racing and your cheeks flushed.

Even after all these years... could that be considered true love? You wondered, ignoring the giggles, and pointed looks all of the other girls were giving you.

But internally you were squealing as well.

****

The next couple of days you did exactly what you said you would do; you caught up with your childhood friends.

When you had finally returned for the week-long training camp, you were glued to the Nekoma team, much to Karasuno’s annoyance.

Right now, you were handing out watermelon, a sweet smile glued to your face as you made sure your boys got some and then making sure that Nekoma did as well.

“Do you want seconds Kenma?” you asked, sitting next to the pudding haired boy. His eyes slid over to you before he shook his head and took out his phone, pulling up a mobile game.

You scooted closer to him, your head finding his shoulders, eyes glued to the screen.

You felt Kenma stiffen at the sudden contact, but soon relaxed as you guys drifted into comfortable silence.

This was all too familiar, you would always watch Kenma play video games when you were younger, it was entertaining and it didn’t involve strenuous work, which meant it was great for you due to your fragile health.

Plus, you got to be close to him, that was another bonus.

Kenma ignored the racing of his heart and tried to beat down the smugness that filled his body as he received envious looks from the others.

The two of you were always close, you were the one person he didn’t mind receiving affection from, although it never really appeared that way.

“Oi Y/n-chan, can you fill up our water bottles before the next match?” Kuroo called out.

“I’m not your manager Tetsurou. But I guess.” You rolled your eyes at him, heaving yourself up and dusting off your shorts.

“I’ll go with you Y/n.” Kenma said quietly, putting his phone back into his pocket as he stood up.

You couldn’t help the blush and smile that spread across your face at his offer, that just meant you got to spend more time with him, you’d fill up Nekoma’s water bottles any day if it meant more time with Kenma.

Kenma was quiet as you talked about everything and anything as you guys walked towards the water fountains.

It wasn’t that he was ignoring you, rather, his head was consumed by thoughts of you. He wanted to voice his feelings, he could only assume that you liked him too, from the way you acted around him, the way you treated him.

Even though you guys were apart for years, it felt like you had never left his side. Everything was familiar, everything was comfortable, he liked that, he liked that a lot.

“- As much as I admire and respect my senpais, it’s just not fair that they want me to teach those two on top of babysitting them and -”

“Y/n.” Kenma interrupted your animated storytelling, his slender fingers gently grabbing at your hand that held a water bottle.

You looked up at him in surprise.

Why…. why was he looking at you like that? You could feel heat beginning to creep up into your cheeks, your stomach twisting with butterflies.

Kenma’s piercing eyes bore into your own, there was a softness to them, but there was also a hardened look of determination.

“What’s wrong?” You asked quietly, placing the water bottle down and you turned your body towards him completely.

He grasped both of your hands in his, eyes flickering down to stare at them before they softly trailed up your arms until they rested gently on top of your shoulders.

“Do you like me?” he asked, peering down at you.

“W-What are you talking about?” you asked nervously, eyes flickering away from his intense gaze. “O-Of course I like you Kenma, you’re my best -”

“That’s not what I mean.” He cut you off. “If you don’t like me then you can push me away, but I’m not going to hold back anymore.”

“What do you mean hold back -”

Oh.

He was kissing you. Kenma’s lips were surprisingly soft and slightly cold, but they fit perfectly against your own. The kiss was lingering and gentle, hesitant almost.

But it was your first kiss.

Your first kiss with your best friend, your crush since childhood, your first love. It was… it was perfect.

This was perfect.

All too soon he pulled away, taking a small step back to give you some space.

Both of your faces flushed.

Someone cleared their throat loudly, causing you guys to jump further away from each other.

“I was wondering what was taking you guys so long.” Kuroo grinned wickedly. “If I would have known you guys were sucking face, I wouldn’t have come.”

“Shut up Kuroo.” Kenma scowled.

“So… did you guys finally confess to each other?” he asked, ignoring him completely.

“Y/n is mine.” Kenma said simply, finishing up the last water bottle, grabbing your hand gently and tugging you away. “Since you’re here Kuroo you can take the water bottles back to the gym.”

A soft giggle escaped your lips as he tugged you away, causing a small smile to erupt on his face.

“Damn you Kenma!” Kuroo yelled out.

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lol-q · 4 years ago

Note

There’s so many things I love about the show that I haven’t seen people give enough credit for and I want to go on a little ramble because people are focusing so much on what they don’t like vs. what they do. So here’s my list. Sorry for the grammatical errors 😬

I love that the lesbian main character is this sweet, innocent, big hearted young woman and not portrayed as a overly sexual fuckboi that hits on every woman. I love that Fatou is soft and gentle. More lesbian rep like that please

I love the soundtrack. It’s exactly the type of stuff I imagine Fatou would listen to and it’s not just the top 100 hit songs.

I love that they use the soundtrack as a way to connect to the plot line, like the lyrics to the song Fatou was listening to when she was on the rooftop said “And I hate to leave you feeling all alone.But your story cannot start until you've grown. You can find how to be OK on your own. I just can't be the one that makes you feel at home” which was a hint as to where the plot was going

^^ also the song playing during Kieu My and Fatou’s museum date

I love the little mannerisms Nhungi chooses to show as Kieu My. The happy little bounce she did in ep 1 when she called out Fatou’s name and when she subtly checked Fatou out by looking her up and down.

I love how their rooms show their individual personality so well. Like Fatou’s room in the beginning of the season was normal and then it became increasingly messy as the episodes moved forward, showing her stress and chaos in her life

I love the height difference between Fatou and her brother lol

I love when her brother and her were thinking of what to get their parents so they split the bill on a gift - a very subtle way of showing siblings interacting

I love when Fatou and Ismail interact cuz it’s so funny

I love the physics teachers speaking voice, he sounds like kermit the frog

I love fatou’s eyebrows. Idk it’s just so perfect. Give me tips plz

I love that the characters rewear clothing. And it’s not a show where every episode is a new outfit with new clothes. Very realistic and it always bothered me when teens on highschool on tv have new clothes every episode

I love that Fatou’s original bio on tinder was “wanna cuddle?”. I feel like that girl would rather cuddle with someone than win the lottery. She’s so soft (also why did it say she was 24 in ep 2 when she was on tinder lol)

I love that the show showed the struggles of coming from a bilingual family and being the only one that struggles to speak it. When fatou was talking to her grandparents with her brother and her brother had to translate for her and it was awkward af, I felt that. I’m the youngest in my family and I struggle to speak Tagalog so people have to translate for me sometimes and it sucks.

^^ I relate to fatou so much in that scene cuz the dynamic in my family is the same as Fatou’s. My parents lay off and let me and my brother do our thing unless there’s an indication we need their help. The only time I ever spoke about school with my family was when report cards would come and they would see my grades weren’t that good. I remember my mom seeing I had a D in middle school and automatically jumping to conclusiosn without letting me speak. My brother is academically successful and he would also try and get me to do more school stuff when I was younger. Like he would make me do math problems to help with my grades. So it’s all very relatable for me

I love when Fatou sings, her voice is so soft and smooth.

I love whenever Kieu My and fatou are flirting both so blatantly and yet so subtly. Like the tension is there but it’s still awkward despite how smooth they both try to be it’s so adorable

I love how Fatou and Kieu My are so confident flirting and talking to eachother through texting but when it’s irl it’s still awkward and new. It shows the reality of an actual relationship in the making. It’s not just a full head dive into “I love you”.

I love when they were at the table tennis bar place and Fatou was hyping up Ava when there were dudes looking at them and Ava did a fancy ass turn and smile. She’s so pretty

I love that Fatou’s problems were shown in subtle ways in the beginning with money. Counting money at her job and when she wa trying to pay for the drink at the bar. It was a small interaction but in real life it would cause a lot of stress and anxiety if money counting problems kept happening over and over again

I love Yara and Josh’s friendship. More platonic friendship between a male and a female please. Also more Yara in general please.

I love that Zoe owned up to her actions last year to the entire group (minus Ismail Constantine and Kieu my) on New Years. I see her owning up to the role as Nora’s big sister.

I love when Josh was drinking a lot during New Years and Fatou was trying to get him to slow down. It shows how big her heart is for her friends. Also I think Josh and Fatou could be great friends

I love that Kieu My looks at Fatou like she hung the stars. When Fatou mentioned she knew Kieu My was a Scorpio, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen that girl smiled so big (before episode 5 of course)

I love that whenever they kiss Kieu my is smiling.

I love Sira’s side profile. There I said it. Girl has the jawline of a Greek goddess.

I love that they change Fatou’s hair. She looks good in every hair style but it’s always nice to see her in different styles.

I love that they showed the struggles of being a passive and gentle person. Because we’re not assertive in regular everyday life we are easily looked over. And it’s hard for us to muster the gusto to be assertive and take what we need because we prefer shying away from conflict and just letting things flow. I relate to fatou’s character so much in that sense. I lowkey think this is the universe’s way of telling me to stop being so passive about life and to take charge idk.

I love that the topic of white savior and performative activism was touched on. And I love that it was between two friends because it’s very realistic to how dynamics work between young people these days. The way they handle it differs in opinion but the fact that they even spoke about it was great.

I love that moment when Kieu My wrapped the vietnamese pancake in the lettuce snd handed it to Fatou. Its so sweet. If I was Fatou I would have forgiven her right then and there lol

I LOVE THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWo. YES MORE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE.

Episode 6. Just all of it. Even the angsty part. I want more of that. Episode 6 yes. I’ll marry episode 6

Kieu My wearing Fatou’s cardigan. 💕💕💕💕💕💕✨✨✨✨✨😫😫💕✨✨🥺

^^ but also as a person that tried bangs before, you can’t tell me that girl woke up with her bangs perfectly in place lol. This girl probably bought a mini straightener or something too

Fatou telling Kieu My it doesn’t matter if she wears make up or not rather than going off on how she looks prettier without it. She’s just like “it doesn’t matter. You’re pretty no matter what, my little space nerd”

Pissed off fatou is a hot fatou. Js

I love Sira’s acting in general. But the way she shows Fatou’s sadness is great. It’s not just tears and that’s it. When she got fired it was a build up of tears but she wasn’t sobbing, same thing with the cashqueens argument. But she broke when her and Kieu My got in a fight.

Finn being socially awkward. It’s so funny cuz Zoe is this bubbly party girl and her boyfriend is so awkward. Nice balance.

^^also his hair makes me laugh idk why

Ismail opening up to Fatou shows how so many people feel at ease with her. Girl has a calming presence for everybody, she doesn’t even realize how much she’s helped others.

I love that Constantine wears the same jacket over and over again. Idk it seems to fit his character.

^^also kudos to the actor who plays him, he’s doing an amazing job

Love Fatou. Love her dimples and her soft voice. She gets all high pitched when she’s normally speaking but when she was fighting with Kieu My her voice became lower. Just love the way Sira’s voice sounds. Also Nhungi’s speaking voice.

Love the shaky camera movements. The fast pans and the slow motion dance scenes.

Love the aesthetic of Kieu My smoking but PLEASE DONT SMOKE, CHILDREN. ITS BAD FOR YOU.

Love the different aesthetics of the cashqueens

Love maike. Great actress. Give this turtle an Oscar.

Love Kieu My climbing the roof to help her Fatou. Softie to her girlfriend but an ice queen to the world lol.

Love the actors. Love the characters. It just makes me so happy.

This is so well written, i might actually cry no but really it was really nice to read your positive and cuteee facts after the tag check :/ and it really helped because i get mad and sad when i see bad takes. Everything you said was so true and i think im fangirling over this essay. And it made me emotional 👉👈. Represantation does really matter.

This season is so important for so many people and i don’t think some people realize that when they’re ‘’criticizing’’ some things. Not only we have a lesbian main, we have a black lesbian main who is the softest person in the world and she has LD and/or ADHD. I sometimes can’t believe we got to the point of skamverse where we get rep instead of hurtful,problematic seasons and plots, some might interpret that as shade but it really isn’t, careless storylines really does hurt ppl and why would you want to hurt people when you can give 8 min of sapphic museum date instead 👭🌌 :)

i love this season, i love this gen and i love this essay

#no but i could go one by one and talk about everything you numbered #but im not gonna for the sake of other ppl #because everyone hates long post #people were really so cute in my asks today instead of defending constantin so that was nice👍#i do the others later #but this was so cute stopppp #shut up about my grammer!!#do not talk about my grammer #druck #ask

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simstakay · 3 years ago

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~ Family Matters ~

"Chilling with Caleb in the afternoon sun and we ended up on the topic of family and the past. We had a good long vent about the people in our lives and the drama we always have to deal with."

Some backstory under the cut:

Author's note: I mostly let the story run itself and whichever npc come into Faith's life I just let it happen and give them cc makeovers 😂

Faith and Caleb are cousins, their mums are twins and are both extreamly famous in their own right (Erica is a Rockstar and Caleb's mum, Cierra, is an Actor).

Because they're all so famous, they went to highschool together and once upon a time they were a part of the popular group. Caleb was the captain of the bball team (cliche I know) and Faith was dating one of the other players (Rico) and all was going well in the fab teen life.

Hot boyfriend (who had all the firsts), popular friends and expensive mansions.

Till one day... just before their junior year grad, Rico cheats on Faith with Caleb's younger sister. *shocked pikachu face* (Her name, I shit you not, is Aurora, a sohpmore).

Before you know it, a big fight happens with the family and Aurora is never invited to another family gathering again. Caleb and Faith somehow managed to stay good friends (Caleb graduated HS abd left their house mansion to go to uni and be away from the fame and drama)

On the HS side of things, most of the guys sided with Rico and the girls ditched her anyways. So Faith cut her hair, moved schools and went on her own way (like almost full emo...).

Not long after, on a late fall afternoon, she took Nathaniel (her younger brother, when he was still a child) to a nearby park to hang with his friends. This is where she met Jakob, Nathaniel's friend's older brother (mouthful I know).

And it turns out right he goes to the school Faith is at now. He's essentially that mysterious bad boy trope.

It was so cute though, she was like subtly crying on the bench and he comes up to her and just starts chatting (as they do in sims). So I imagine he just came over and was like "Hey. You look really ugly when you cry" or some soppy rom com kdrama shit like that. 😂

You know what I mean though? They had a really cute bantery friendship before it just naturally blossomed into something more. They helped each other through all the HS and family and drama. (Literally stumbled upon a goldmine of families with multiple kids from multiple people lol)

They pushed each other through to grad until they had a big fight about doing long distance because they were accepted into different universities.

With a heavy heart, they broke up and went their seperate ways. 💔

aaaand thats pretty much where I started my tumblr sooo if you made it this far thanks for reading my simblr story heh ✨💖

#ts4 #ts4 story #ts4 legacy #gen 4 #simblr #CtB #spring #britechester #cousins

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asleepinawell · 3 years ago

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Been having a lot of Thoughts about the nier series recently and the larger themes of both games and wanted to jot them down and toss them into the void of the internet.

Massive spoilers for nier automata follow, including for ending e. Do not read this if you ever intend to play nier automata. There are spoilers for nier replicant as well, though not for ending e.

One of the biggest themes both nier games tackle is the tragedy of an uncaring universe. Bad things happen to good people, people who think they're good and doing the right thing find out they were actually committing atrocities, the very idea that there's 'good' and 'bad' people is dissected and rejected. At the end of the day, the universe doesn't give a shit about any of us and none of it matters. Enjoy your existential despair!

In nier replicant, the main character starts off as an optimistic young boy who wants to save, not only his sister, but the entire world. After the time skip, nier is a young man whose optimism has (partially) been tarnished and whose goal has narrowed down to just saving his sister. As you move through each route you understand more and more how tragic the world is and how, despite your best intentions, you are only adding to the tragedy of the world. The original 4 endings of nier replicant are all tragic in some way. Ending D has a glimmer of hope in it in the form of nier being able to save kainé at the cost of his own existence, but it's a bittersweet ending and the world is ultimately doomed anyway.

Which brings us to nier automata. Even more so than replicant, automata hammers home the meaningless of everything, the uncaring universe, tragedy both avoidable and unavoidable. The main characters are locked in an endless loop of violence and despair. The worst that could happen, does, again and again. It thrives off the type of tragedy porn I usually hate.

Except....

Except it doesn't. If endings a and b are the opening statement, endings c and d are the facts and body of the essay, but then there's ending e, the concluding paragraph which takes everything we've been told and gives you the chance to draw your own conclusion from it.

Route e starts after you've gotten both ending c and d and is no longer about the characters in the game at all. Route e is about you, the player, and what you believe. It says "we've given you a story of complete despair, we've shown you the universe is unfair and doesn't give a fuck about you, we've shown you things that end in tragedy. despite all of this, do you still believe it's worth fighting for the hope of something better?"

And then it asks you to prove it.

Route e is the ending every fan has asked for when they've said "I'll fight the creators to give my favs a happy ending." Today is your lucky day!

Route e is the ending credits of the game, except that the ending credits have turned into a bullet hell mini game. In fighting the actual credits themselves, you are fighting the game devs. You are saying fuck you I don't believe that everything is pointless. Fighting for better is always worth it. The meaning that we imbue in life is important to us and that matters.

The bullet hell of the end credits starts out fairly simple and gets harder and harder as you go, lasting something like 15 minutes total, which is a brutally long time to be playing something that requires split second timing and 100% of your focus. It's meant to feel insurmountable, just like the challenges the characters in the game faced (the larger plot challenges, not the combat). You will likely die a lot and check points are few and far between.

But there's more to it than that. The first time you die, a prompt comes up:

And then when you die again:

Except now, there’s a message on the screen. A message that appears to be from another player, somewhere in the world.

And again:

(this one really fucked me up, but that’s for a different post).

And then finally:

(thank you user MR-YE-1996)

When you accept the rescue offer, you go back to the bullet hell again, but now you have a wall of other players around your weak little avatar, shielding you from harm. The music, which has been a single vocal track up until now, gains an entire chorus of voices to represent the army of actual players who’ve shown up to save you (and there’s a lot I could say about the use of the (exquisitely good) music in the nier games, and especially about the difference in lyrical themes between ashes of dreams and weight of the world). Every time a bullet hits one of the players surrounding you, there’s a message saying that user’s data has been lost. Users from all over the world are sacrificing themselves to help you. It’s a very nice, heart-warming moment that you still don’t understand the full impact of quite yet.

After you beat the credits, you’re rewarded by a final cutscene. The android protagonists have been reconstructed and will receive a second chance at life. The narration at this point talks about how life exists within the spiral of life and death we are all trapped in. One of the two pods talking points out that even though the androids are being given a second chance at life, there’s a possibility that things will go just as poorly once again. And the other pod agrees, but adds: “However, the possibility of a different future also exists.”

And then the scene ends with this quote: “A future is not given to you. It is something you must take for yourself.”

And this is really the final conclusion of the game. There is no inherent meaning in the universe, so the meaning we give our lives is the most meaningful thing. (And the ‘you’ here isn’t necessarily an individual either. It can be, or it can be humanity as a whole, or even one group). And you, the player, thought that it was worth fighting to give these characters a second chance, and other players out there in the world thought it was worth helping you to do so.

It’s such a wonderfully beautiful piece of meta interpretation posing as a game ending, and also a departure from the final conclusion of previous Yoko Taro games. It feels like a much more mature and nuanced interpretation of the world than the ending of replicant was (I won’t comment on the new ending e of replicant just yet since it didn’t come out that long ago). (Also, for the record, I love nier replicant and the characters in it with my entire heart. This post is not bashing it).

But the game has one more surprise in store for you. After the cutscene ends, you’re given one last choice. The game asks if you have any interest in helping other players the way you were helped. And if you say yes, you’re told that the only way you can do this is to sacrifice all your save data.

I think that sacrifice hits differently for different people. Some people genuinely won’t mind that at all. As someone who probably still has save data from games I played 20 years ago, it felt like a gut punch. To me, save data represents all the time and emotion and energy I’ve put into a game. Games are so deeply important to me in so many ways and have been since my childhood when they were one of the few ways I could escape from a lot of terrible shit going on in my life. (There’s a reason my blog title is what it is). I could talk a lot more about that point, but I’ll leave it by saying that when I saw what the game was asking of me it felt like someone had knocked my legs out from under me.

For more practical players, it also is locking you out of chapter select, the best way to go back and get all the things you missed and grab the achievements/trophies you still need.

The game will point out that you’ll get nothing in return for this (not a lie, there’s no secret reward), that you will likely never know if or who you helped, that you won’t be thanked, that the person you help could be someone you intensely dislike, etc. And with all of this comes the realization that all those people who came to help you in the credits had already done this. Those people whose data was sacrificed to help you get to the final cutscene had already sacrificed their save data to help you.

We’ve now gone from a world where everything is meaningless, to a world where other real actual human beings out there have sacrificed something that represented hours of their time and a varying amount of emotional investment without any hope of reward to help a stranger see a message of hope.

When I was younger, I was more drawn to dark, hopeless stories. Stories about how dark and meaningless the world was. The world was a terrible place then too. 9/11 happened when I was in highschool (an incident that influenced yoko taro’s creation of nier replicant and had a huge impact on me at the time), the pointless wars that happened after and the recession and a million other things seemed to infuse everything with hopelessness. In that world, stories about everything being meaningless and hopeless felt correct. They felt validating. Yes, everything really does suck that much!

That sort of story lost its appeal for me later on. Pointless and horrible things continued to happen, and still continue to happen. The world events of the last few years have been an unnerving reliving of those earlier years, except even worse. The cycles of tragedy are still there with no end in sight. I’m exhausted from all of it. It really does feel hopeless a lot.

But stories that stop at that point no longer appeal to me. Stories like nier automata--stories that say yes, things are terrible, but there’s always hope, you can create your own meaning, it is always worth it to fight for better even if you fail, your life is worthwhile simply for existing--those stories are the ones I think we all need more than anything.

#nier automata #nier automata spoilers #nier spoilers #nier #nier replicant #niermp #mp #sitting around having existential thoughts on a sunday afternoon #as one does #nier meta

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miyaniacs · 4 years ago

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Sinfully Sweetheart pt.9

A/N: uhm yeah my attempt to continue this series with our fav twins... well.. its trashy I'm so sorry lol - tell me if you want a pt2 to this one so I can make it up for you lol (also it’s not really edited since I couldn't get myself to reread this)

other parts can be found in my masterlist

Warnings : slight NSFW, also reader is ‚slightly‘ drunk (but not drunk drunk they can still think straight)

Atsumu & Osamu

Well you and the twins know each other since you’re born practically

Your parents are Highschool friends

And that’s why you’re here now

At some get together of your parents Highschool group

It’s cool and all since you’re friends with some of their daughters, who are almost like sisters for you

And you haven’t seen them that often the past months - you’re all in your 20’s now, meaning different cities, different universities, different jobs, some are already engaged - the whole : Who are you in your 20’s span of : not knowing what you’re getting for dinner to Let me pick up my kids real quick, my husband is still at work

Due to exam season you haven’t had a real chance to dress up or go out, since all your nights are spent in front of your laptop, with a glass of wine at 3am, helping you with your existential crisis and your fits are what you already wore at 3am

SO NOW

It’s your time to…. Feel human again. Taking a shower, putting on a hair and face mask, painting your nails, putting on some lipstick and eyeliner, finally being able to wear all the hot fits you brought at 4am right after your existential crisis - yeah the usual

Currently your moms best friends are gushing over how much you’re grown up etc and telling embarrassing stories of your childhood

The fun part tho - you’ve grown up soooo much - so you’re now getting handed the good stuff and not some apple juice

You’re on your… 3rd Margarita now

Your 2 „Sisters“ at their 4rd - they both brought their boyfriends with them who are also forced to drive tonight

“Why are you still sitting here with us the whole time?“ One of the mums ask, making you all look at her confused

“I mean, shouldn’t you dance?“ She corrected herself laughing

“Yeah, isn’t that the song you three always danced to?“ Your mum laughs.

Talking about embarrassing stories: Yes you danced to “Pony“ by Ginuwine

Atsumu starts laughing, “Yeah please show us, haven’t you just told us how much you missed riding.“

Great. Just great. you ignored the twins the whole time until now.

Why? Well your best friends attends the same college as Atsumu and after all her bragging abilities how lucky you can be to be friends with such good looking twins… you started to look at them differently? They’ve always been the „chaotic twins“ who you know since you can remember. Yet after she gushed about them for hours and proved her points with pictures on instagram You had a rather strange dream that night. And you can’t look at them anymore now The sinning was WAY TOO BAD

Back to the now

Taking a big sip you roll your eyes at his comment and sass “Well, judging from what I’ve heard you’re quite a pro at... instructing how to ride properly.“

Osamu chocked on his drink

Their mother takes a big sip of her red wine

But Atsumu gets up and now towers over you

Fuck

Don’t think of that dream now, Don’t - don’t - don’t

“That’s right.“ He grins, “And as far as I can remember your skills need some serious practice.“ He smirks and now you’re almost choking on your own breath

"Let me help you, yes?“ He extends his hand, but you just look at it while you feel your face getting redder with every second

"Tsumu, stop it.“ Osamu says and you look at him as if he’s your knight in shining armor-

Until he opens his mouth again

"She’s still our small innocent y/n.“ He laughs and looks at you with slightly closed eyes.

"Oh yeah, yer right, I forgot.“ Atsumu laughs, but quickly stops when you get up and take his hand dragging him away from the table to the open space

Was it the Margaritas giving you the confidence? Probably yes.

That has to be the reason why you’re currently placing one of your hands around Atsumu’s neck and press your back on his chest

His hands are placed on your waist, trying to keep it all “our parents are watching“ friendly

Starting to body roll on him you feel his grip tightening, making sure you’re staying as close as possible

When you arch your back though- you hear him coughing “Our parents are still watching.“

As if the playlist heard his wishes, the song changed to “Bootylicious“.

You laugh and turn around “Ohhh come on ( your friends names), that’s our song.“ You say remembering that you three had a whole choreography planned for this song

“Wow and what about me?“ Atsumu teases

“You haven’t given me any instructions so you’re useless.“ You smile brightly and push him away

Laughing it off he walks back to the table and sits down next to Osamu

The whole situation long forgotten you pull of your choreography, which includes way more hip shakes and “I dropped my phone“ or “where’s my phone“ moves than you remembered

Your parents are all outside at this point enjoying the warm summer night

What you’re not noticing though is the fact that Atsumu’s and Osamu’s eyes are fixed on your every move

Slowly they start to realise that you’re not… so innocent anymore

So it doesn’t hurt to play with you a bit right?

That said they join you on the dace floor, together with the others boyfriends

Right now some Sean Paul song’s on

Osamu is right in fort of you meaning he’s you’re new dance partner now - If he wants it or not

But believe me he wants it

Your hands on his chest, running slightly down his torso as you go down to the beat, still looking up at him through your lashes

Getting back up you’re wrapping your arms around Osamu’s neck

Immediately his hands find their way to your lower back, pulling you against him

"Well.. what happened to our innocent babygirl?“ He whispers in your ear

You can feel his breath on your neck His chest pressing against you with every breath he takes His strong grip holing you in place This whole scenario reminds you way too much of your dream

"Ohh, suddenly shy again?“ He teases while guiding your body to move to the beat

"Uhm.. no I - uhm..“ You stutter

"Yes?“ He asks, but before you can answer, you’re pulled away from Osamu and pressed against a slightly more toned chest.

"Samu, you never knew how to share.“ Atsumu grumbles and rests his hands on your hip

"Relax Y/N. We’re just dancing.“ He chuckles

Was it the alcohol? Or the lack of sleep? Or all the pictures your best friend showed you? You have no idea But things escalated quickly and you’re now dancing… unholy with both of the twins

You’re arms around Atsumu’s neck, his thigh between your legs, while Osamu’s hands are on your hips moving them against his

Thank god your parents left the room and your friends are too occupied with their boyfriends to notice

"How about we leave?“ Atsumu suddenly whispers dangerously low in your ear, "I still have to teach you how to ride, don’t I?“ He smirks down at you

"Don’t listen to him.“ Osamu says, “I’m a way better teacher.“ He says and his lips press against he sensitive skin behind your ear.

"Uhm.. I - no - we shouldn’t do this…“ you try to convince them, well more yourself if you’re honest

"If you truly don’t want this.“ Atsumu says and moves a few inches away from you, Osamu doing the same

"I - wait no!“ You exclaim, without even thinking about it

"What’s the magic word?“ Osamu says while walking around you stopping next to his brother

"P- Please..?“ You stutter, not truly sure if you’re actually dreaming all of this again

"Goodgirl.“ Atsumu smirks and pats your head.

"I’ll go and tell our parents that we’re driving you home.“ Osamu says and is about to leave when you hold onto his arm

"Wait!! Non of us can drive though!“ You remember

"… Atsumu and I both got a drivers license?“ He asks confused

"Yeah yeah I do too, but we can’t drive! We all drank too much.“ You mumble

To your surprise both of them laugh

"What?“ You look between the two of them

"Baby,…, non of us drank any alcohol.“ Atsumu says and Osamu continues his way outside, telling your parents that you’re too tired from the past week and they’ll make sure to get you home safely

"You… you didn’t?“ You ask shocked.

"No baby, after seeing you dace, we’re sure that you’ll be needing all of our attention later on.“ He smiles and leans down, "And you’ll get all of our attention.“ He whispers the last part and emphasises the all

You gulp and look at him with big eyes

What exactly have you gotten yourself into?

let me just tag you @kenmasgameboy so you know what trash I was talking about alsooo @saucysamu @shoyosun since Osamu is included

#haikyuu reactions #haikyuu headcanons #atsumu headcanons #atsumu x reader #atsumu hcs #osamu headcanons #osamu x reader #haikyuu x reader

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1oserjk · 5 years ago

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— pop goes the cherry

jungkook comes back home to find you visiting as well, all grown up — in more ways than one.

childhood friends / brother’s best friend au

+ this isn’t smut but alludes to the subject of it n the loss of virginity, so if u are uneasy wit the idea then pls!!/ refrain!1!1

x masterlist

* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*. * .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.

“Will you calm down and just listen to what I have to say?”

He’s teetering nervously back and forth in your way too pink bedroom you should’ve grown out of by now. Thankfully, you were visiting for a short amount of time before you’d go back to university to leave him in the dust for another few more years, just like the rest of the times you’d done it. He decided to stop by for a night, courtesy of your brother’s invitation that his little sister was back in town along with them. He mentioned adamantly about wanting the whole family together, which if you added everything up, Jungkook was—and still is—included in the whole ordeal.

He was initially fine, perfectly normal as any other night at the Kim’s house. That was until he walked through the door and saw the face he’d tried to rid out of his head, since he graduated high school and fled to elsewhere, only moving back when you’d finally left home. Until you smiled at him and granted him a whiff of your irritatingly sweet perfume and your strawberry scented hair. Until you tugged on your low-cut dress that hit at the tops of your thighs to reveal an unnecessary amount of skin to him, because now all he could think about was if you really grew a cup size larger than the last time he’d seen you.

He shouldn’t have been thinking these things in the first place when his best friend was just downstairs, probably assuming he’d taken a trip to the restroom, but here he was, in your bedroom with you who sat sweetly with your legs crossed atop each other in front of him.

The room looks the same as a few years back, when he’d come up to knock on your door to announce that dinner was ready, by your mother’s orders. Instead, he’s here, actually inside, by your own asking of a private talk.

What he didn’t expect was for you to ask such an absurd question.

“Will you take my virginity?”

He’s dumbfounded. Absolutely shocked that those crude words had come out of your mouth. It should’ve revolted him that he was being offered something he’d never do to your brother. Never ever. This was sick.

So why did the offer only entice him further? He blamed it on the skirt of your dress that pooled around you when you sat. Or the way your doe eyes widened when you’d look up to gauge his reaction. He was waist-deep in the pool of attraction towards you. It was no hidden fact. Something in your eyes told him that you knew it too.

“I—Can you elaborate on what you just said?”

You shrug. “I just think it’s time to get it over with.”

He would scream in rage of frustration if Taehyung wasn’t in the house, or here at all. The tops of his knuckles turn white in the insides of his grey sweats and his veins that snake around his arms protrude even further. It should’ve made you intimidated, a bit nervous over why he was acting like it was such a big deal but it only makes you rub your thighs together and bite at the corner of your lips. Especially when he stood there, practically towering over you and your small form. It was incomparable, you really should’ve been intimidated. But in the end, it was Jungkook who was.

He timidly takes a seat on the small loveseat spaced out in the corner of your room. Enough for him to actually breathe and gain composure he lost in the beginning. He rests his forearms on the tops of his thighs and he thinks.

Taking a deep breath in, he starts, “Virginity is a big thing to lose..”

Your eyes roll back at the attempt of such an old man approach. “Don’t even try to back me out of this,” you huff. With a pout, you exasperate, “I mean, I’m already twenty-one! Don’t you think I deserve this?”

He tinkers with the thought, “I get that, but it doesn’t make sense over why you’re choosing me to do the deed.” The palms of his hands are splayed out in front of him, like he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Jungkook,” you promise. “No one is pressuring you to. But I don’t think you realize that I have the capability to choose whoever I want. I’m choosing you for a reason.”

Soon enough, something snaps in him to face the reality of the stupidity in this conversation. “I’m glad you see me as a great candidate,” he drips with sarcasm. “But I’m your brother's best friend. I’ve been his best friend since I moved in the next street over when I was five.”

You shrug again, “—So?”

He glares, feigning cluelessness while he lists off, “Well I don’t know, it’s not something your brother has to lay out for me to know that you’re not allowed to be touched and flirted with. It’s common sense and decency,” he exasperates. “In what sense would it be morally right to fuck you?”

“That’s the problem!” You point. You crawl up on the bed to sit comfortably with your feet tucked under your thighs. A teasing pose you were clueless to note. “I’ve been so deprived from new experiences and feelings Jungkook, it’s absolutely tiring,” you groan. Your fingertips run through your hair and it ruffles messily below your palm. Jungkook takes a long and hard swallow to cope with the stir in his pants. He avoids your gaze when you stare longingly at him.

“Do you remember our time in highschool?” You suddenly ask, and his eyes flutter before shifting precariously to your door, anxious for anybody to knock or even worse—stomp into the room with no warning, something your brother was highly prone to do. When his eyes land back onto you, he nods slowly and carefully. “You were in varsity along with my brother while I had just passed the auditions for a new spot in the junior varsity cheerleading team,” you further explain and his left foot starts to bounce, fingers tightening on the handle of the cushioned chair. Of course he remembers, what with taking up some of the field for practice, running around the track with skimpy shorts, eyes already on you when you would wear the mandatory skirts on game days. God, he remembers so clearly, as if it was just yesterday. “And you had your farewell game as a senior?”

Throat tightening while his eyes widened, only remembering a sliver of what happened right after, when the team had taken their final win for the season.

Tongue coming out from the corner of your mouth to skim across your lips, your head tilts, almost teasingly when you hand him a small smile. “Do you remember, Jungkook? When I ran up to you and—“

“—kissed me,” he finishes off, and your eyes show surprise when he does.

Covering up your slight satisfaction when he reiterates the memorable moment, right before a few months later when he left the town in such a rush. Frankly, you’re quite delighted that he remembered some of the last moments between the two of you. You attempt to keep your cool and the growing grin when you scoff. “On the cheek,” you correct with a shrug. “It was probably nothing to you.”

“But it was still a kiss,” he argues, “And it was from you in the end.”

“Did you like it?” It’s abrupt and rushed, but your feelings were urgent to know. After all these years. “Did you feel anything for me at that time?”

His mouth opens, yet nothing comes out. He closes it back up to think some more, let the right words filter out before he regrets anything. He would be mortified if you were able to pick out his feelings for you, that he failed to stop thinking about you ever since he stepped foot out of this house and never turned back. That he reciprocates the same overwhelmingly long crush you’ve had on him ever since Taehyung had introduced you both to each other.

“I was thankful,” he simply answers. “Glad that I had you along with Taehyung. I appreciate you both.”

It’s a fair enough answer to reel back and to stop mulling it over for a while. At least until he’s gone and you have all night to recall back your conversation of tonight.

He’s so close yet so far away to grasp, so you ask, “Do you know what it’s like to never know the feeling of being touched, Jungkook?”

He takes an interest at the ground, avoiding to give you a valid answer.

You scoff, tilting your head to the side to narrow in at his face, “Of course you don’t. You lost your virginity years ago to Park Chaeyoung,” you spit. His eyes widen significantly. How would you have known? “Right inside of your room while I waited for you downstairs..”

His brows furrow, “I—How?”

Again, you shrugged carelessly. “You were supposed to tutor me that day. I figured you were taking longer to get ready. Until I heard her, and then you.” Your nose scrunches and for a second you let your vulnerability show, a flash of hurt from the memory of walking into the familiar house, finding and hearing out your newfound nightmare and what was the worst case scenario for you to experience. Your head shifts down and you begin to fiddle with your fingers unsurely. “I showed myself out the door when I realized where I was and what I was doing.”

That was right. He had just taken her out after practice to a crummy restaurant and back to his place. He figured he’d do it before his parents got home from work and thought he’d manage to squeeze it before you arrive for your lessons that he volunteered himself for, plainly because he felt you slipping from his fingers when you began your own trek to highschool. He felt like he was the absolute shittiest when he ran a few minutes late only to get a call from Taehyung that you felt too sick to study anything that day. Little did he know you were sobbing yourself goodnight into your pillow.

The tables have definitely turned now. The bed was your throne and you sat there perfectly composed — something you weren’t a few years back. If anything, if jungkook hadn't been sitting like he was now, his knees would’ve buckled beneath him to fall to his downturned fate and humiliation.

“Don’t think that was it, gguk,” you test. “I sat patiently with all of your other pathetic relationships right after.” Your nails pick at the bedding beneath you, right in the middle of your parted thighs, a place he’d like to put his head in between. “You went through a lot of them.. And fucked for most of it too,” you chuckle bitterly.

He watches you slowly crawl at the edge again, fingers digging into the mattress. You can’t help but take notice at the dark chocolate locks placed perfectly at the front of his forehead.

“Swear it was like,” you took time to think, and with a pout you continue, “once you found out how to work your dick, you forgot all about me and left me in the dust.”

He stares dangerously ahead to find you teasing with a smile, like the she-devil you quickly became.

“No fair, Jungkook,” you tsk. “I’m a big girl now.” You wiggle your hips with a giggle. To get him driven to want you—no—need you. To see what he’s been missing all these years. Murmuring hazily, you prompt, “Don’t you think it’s my turn now?”

He stands abruptly, clearing his throat that ran dry, “Isn’t this shit supposed to be meaningful to you? With a person you love and care for?”

Your eyebrow raises, “Was it meaningful with Chaeyoung?” He’s silent. Clapping your hands, you conclude with a sinister smile, “Well then, I think you’ve given me my answer.”

“Why me?” He questions.

Sighing, you run your fingers through your hair that has grown a few inches longer the last time you saw him. Fuck, you were pretty. He’s noticed it growing up, and he’s paying the repercussions of it now. “I don’t know, Gguk.. I want to get this thing I have for you out of my system already.” It was an easier thing to confess when it’s been already a few years to grieve on his absence, a bit impatient from having to drag on the secret you’ve held so near and dear to your heart and scratched into every diary you used to own in your teenage years. Thinking of those, you’ve realized you have been meaning to burn the stash of books under your desk in some time. You make a mental note of that for later. “I figured you owe me this for abandoning me a few years back. I want to have a taste so I can stop these cravings I get so often these days.”

The childish heartbreak runs deeper than that, but you save him the gory details for later—or never.

His throat restricts itself to give an answer but his cock twitches, failing his belief to tell you that he would never go that route to bestow such havoc to your own brother — his best friend. Why didn’t you see any of that?

You click your tongue, observing the older boy squirm in his seat. “Your hands are starting to get fidgety.” Nodding in confirmation, you slide your legs over to sit regularly. A few seconds before you’d make the move of making your own seat on the same spot he had been nervously planted himself at, what was supposed to be a safe distance away from you in the first place.

God, he was so easy to read sometimes.

He makes a fist, ridding them from your view. The tip of his ears run red and he flusteredly looks away.

“You never answered my question,” you taunt.

Exasperatedly, he answers, “Because I don’t think it’s much of a good idea.”

Sighing begrudgingly, you make your advancement towards him. “Jungkook,” Your tone was dipped in honey, stirred around to further the smoothness to it, causing it to make it easier for you to persuade him into the light of all things bad. “That’s not what I asked.”

Now standing in front of him, he has no choice but to look up with a million questions surrounding his head. You precisely slide a knee to the outside of his left thigh and a hand to the opposite shoulder to meld support. You almost catch off balance when you lean further into him. It traps him into grabbing at your hip to steady you. You have him exactly where you needed him most and you don’t even realize it.

You’re already seated on top of him and he starts to sputter for you to get off, especially when you sat so preciously on top of the overwhelming bulge he holds so distinctly.

“W-What are you doing?” He pushes for you to move but you cling both hands on his shoulders to balance the sudden movements from him being underneath.

“Call this an act of bonding.” You massage on his shoulders to relax him and it visibly shows when they start to loosen under your grip. “I haven’t seen you in a while, it’s only understandable.” You shrug. “Why are you so iffy about it now? We always did this when we were younger.”

“Yes, when we were younger. When there was no space in the car or an extra chair to sit on—platonically. We’re adults now, _____,” he emphasizes.

“Which makes it all the more better,” you ease with a smile he melts at. “Because our choices aren’t ran on our mindlessness we used to hold when we were younger,” you shift around and he hisses, “and we can clearly pick out our feelings.” You lean forward, eyes narrowing, letting your hair fall around him, resembling a curtain and covering up the brush of your noses from the suffocating proximity you hold. “So why don’t you make it easier for the both of us—scratch my back while I scratch yours—and tell me exactly what you want.” You ground down and he gasps. “What I’m willing to give.”

“_-_____,” he mutters, pinching at your hip. You hiss and release a bit, your signature pout forming right after. “Are you asking for your brother to catch us like this?” He scolds.

Then, you’re suddenly gone.

You're quick to get up with a huff, even when his hands argue otherwise, practically tugging you forward and down, you ignore it and whip around to return back to the bed draped in the different shades of pink you’ve accumulated over the years.

“What a tough cookie,” you sarcastically mutter to yourself, plopping your ass back onto the bed and returning to the same pose you held just a few minutes ago. “Not a fun one either,” you state for him to hear clearly, observing him stand and walk forward from your peripheral.

He sighs. “Don’t be mad at me.”

“I’ve been mad at you ever since you left, Gguk,” you admit easily and with your eyes, it lures him to hold an expression of guilt when he catches you so sad from the reminder of it, wondering if this was what it was like the whole time he was gone after that.

It hurts him—and it must’ve been even worse for you.

“I missed you.” He hopes you take it as a form of an apology. “Would’ve been worse if I stayed—If I did something to hurt your brother really badly.” He shudders at the mere thought of it.

“Just.. Let’s not talk about him right now?” You reason. “Kind’ve tired of hearing about the bastard that’s stopping me from receiving any kind of action from you right now.”

He snorts and he’s close enough to tilt your chin upwards. “Hey,” he calls. “He loves you.”

You lean back to let your ass meet the bed with your thighs on each side of you. Sighing, you nod, “I know.”

He doesn’t loosen his grip.

“Look,” you start. “It’s not like I’m asking you to light some candles and be gentle. I just want it gone. Take it away. I don’t care if you stick it in, finish, and roll over. I just want to get this over with.”

He scowls and lets his brows furrow together, “Is that all you think of when it comes to sex? Just some time to pass by? To give and that’s it?”

“I’m not left with a lot of theories after being declined from it for so long,” you reason.

He stares at you longingly and you grow antsy when his hands that cradle your cheeks never leave their gentle touch, you wonder if it would be this soft when you would be in bed with him.

“I’m leaving again in a few days,” he abruptly announces and your frail fingers that are wrapped around his wrists loosen significantly. Your eyes widen and you backtrack completely.

“Again?”

He only nods.

Your eyes unknowingly well up and you close in on yourself immediately, alarmed at the fact you have shown your true self to the one person you’ve longed for the most and for such a cost that doesn’t even benefit you in the end. You rip his hands away from you, almost like a band-aid that’s been clinging onto you for a few long days now, turning gross and dirty and you hate it—absolutely hate the way he openly plays you to run into a deceiving mirage, that everything would be okay when he would come back.

He calls for your name, yet you don’t listen.

“I’m sorry,” is all he says. “I—I figured your brother would tell you when I came. I’m only here to get a few things before I would leave again.”

Your eyes flutter closed and you shift your head, refusing to let him see the way you crumble, especially when he practically towers over you when he doesn’t even mean to.

“I can’t—I won’t take something that’s supposed to be special and just leave,” he explains, heart panging when you don’t lift your head. “Please understand me,” he begs.

“Leave,” is all you manage to mutter out. “Please, get out.”

“_____..” He attempts to lift his hand out to touch you again, but you turn away and refuse, only leaving him to be hurt by the action.

“Tell Taehyung I’ll be down in a minute,” then you glare at him, “Because that’s what you came here for, right? To tell me dinner is ready?”

“I-I..” Nothing else comes out, so he only nods to save him from making anymore mistakes.

You let out a small laugh, it cracks in between, but the facade is still there. “I think it’s the fact that If I didn’t tell you the way I felt, if I didn’t sit you down to tell you myself that I want you and make an absolute fool out of myself like this — you probably would’ve never spoken for yourself..”

He falters, close to arguing until you repeat yourself all over again, hurt and annoyed, “Get out, Jungkook.”

He reluctantly obliges, shutting the door closed and ignoring the thump that hits the door right after, one of your pillows hitting against the surface while you pathetically sit in the middle of your room with tears running down your eyes so pathetically and to your own humiliation to bask in.

Taehyung’s brows furrow and he stands in the middle of his parent’s backyard porch with utter shock. It’s close to two in the morning and he’s tipsy. “You’re leaving early? We just got here.”

It’s a long gulp from his own bottle. “Yeah.” He utters some bullshit about his work and how they want him back sooner. Of course, Taehyung never presses, believing in every word that comes out of his mouth. In a lot of ways, you were both so similar. He doesn’t mention the abrupt confrontation that only happened several hours ago, nor the fallout of it either.

“That sucks,” Taehyung says, “You were the one to suggest coming back home.”

“Yeah.” He gulps the rest down and it burns this time. Midway he only realizes he traded out the beer bottle for the cheap vodka when he previously reached his hand out for another. He stops when the face that takes up most of his mind starts to dissipate into something blurry and lacking definition.

This way, it’s easier.

“I did,” is all he replies with.

* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*. * .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.

this was a 1k drabble from my old blog so i cleaned it up n added 2k+ words to it!/!/ i wanted to revive it bc she’s so memorable to me

* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*. * .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.* .✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.

#bts #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts fluff #bts angst #jeon jungkook #jeon jeongguk #jungkook #jungkook scenarios #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook drabble #mine #pop goes the cherry

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