#but mostly its fiction books on the list bc i love them

[g1rlp1lled]

the books i have read since i got back into reading again in april:

spring

death in her hands, ottessa moshfehg

1q84, haruki murakami

summer

the vegetarian, han kang

the little friend, donna tart

the change, kirsten miller

east of eden, john stienbeck

animal, lisa taddeo

started reading my dark vanessa by kate elizabeth russell and ABANDONED IT bc it was so gross and weird

fall (currently reading)

mosaic man, ronald sukenick (haven't finished yet, put it down bc it was hard to get through)

ghost wall, sarah moss

how to love your daughter, hila blum (also haven't finished yet bc i've been too busy reading stuff for class to finish! i only have like 50 pages left)

dracula, bram stoker (currently reading it for class but i'm enjoying it so it counts)

frankenstein in baghdad, ahmed saadawi (also currently reading for class but also enjoying it)

[borgialucrezia]

omg i read blood and beauty and its sequel last week bc it had been on my reading list for months!!!! and is this a safe space where i can just say that it hit the nail on the head for all of the borgias without unnecessarily vilifying one or the other (i mean basically considering how most writers hold some vendetta against juan) and i loved how u could really see lucrezia's growth from her childhood innocence to being forced to mature and grow up AND obsessed w any media that portrays cesare as ferocious and sharp and ruthless and juan finally got his flowers bc they obv showed his flaws but without making him the big bad evil when instead he also started off a kid but ended up being dragged to the bottom of the river by his father's ambitions 😔

i wish the 2nd book had progressed a little further to lucrezia's childbirth bed death so the story could come full circle and sometimes the pov switching was confusing for me but aside from that, the borgias will always be famous to meeeeeeeee and i love a good book that portrays them well!

ive been on the hunt for more borgia-centric books so if u have any recs......... <3

zaynab omg hello!!!!! i was kinda waiting for someone to talk to me about this book because it's my absolute #1 favorite historical fiction book <3

i'm so happy you enjoyed reading it! the way miss dunant brilliantly humanized the borgia family by creating striking and compelling narratives for them was truly *chef's kiss*. it's safe to say that her portrayal of them has even made her my favorite author as well (and made me want to check out her other work, lol). the way she made them so sympathetic is truly admirable to me, which is also a standout aspect of the book as we manage to develop a deep understanding of their motivations and complexities through her nuanced portrayal, you know? i say it could've been done more when it came to lucrezia, as she is truly one of the most compelling figures in history (and my all-time favorite). i'm not criticizing dunant for lucrezia's portrayal!! but it's more like i wished she added more of lucrezia's lore...but alas! other books did her more justice, i must say!

my favorite theme of the book is the immense love the pope has for his children. the way [spoiler] juan was taken too soon from him is profoundly melancholic and it added emotional depth to the story and it highlighted the power of a father's love and the devastating impact of losing a beloved child. also, YEAH, the book felt like a breath of fresh air when it came to juan borgia! he was unfairly demonized with no reliable narrative and mostly used as a prop to hype up cesare at his expense *yawns*… but dunant made him an individual, likable character in the book, countering the unjust treatment he always receives. her portrayal of him allowed us to discover the vulnerability and sensitivity that lie beneath his outwardly arrogant and handsome demeanor. we really can't help but feel deep empathy and pity for him as we read about his inner struggles and emotional depth. he became a truly compelling and sympathetic figure within the borgia family, especially when his death is met with cruelty and brutality. the tragic nature of his demise evokes an even stronger sense of empathy and sorrow in the narrative of juan losing himself and being overwhelmed by the heavy task he was entrusted with…

and cesare, of course, was portrayed as that sulking, bitter, cruel but incredibly intelligent, cunning, and charming guy! lowkey a recurring theme for him, but the flavor in making him extra dark in the slayest way possible made me insane in a very positive way! you should watch "los borgia (2006)" for a delicious portrayal of cesare (and personally, i think it's the most historically accurate).

more books? i'd recommended emma lucas's 'lucrezia borgia' and maria bellonci's 'life and times of lucrezia borgia' - both are biographies btw! their work is a solid read, very unbiased without any manipulation of the letters about/between the siblings to push certain narratives (hello sarah bradford!!), well-researched, sheds light on the family's complex relationships and their rise to power, and is highly sympathetic to all of them. you won't be disappointed!!

for historical fiction, i'd recommend mario puzo's 'the family' ...you will never be disappointed after all it's by the dude who wrote the godfather!

i hope you enjoy them <333 i'll be waiting for your feedback :)

[chanquokka]

Here's A Little Get-To-Know-You Tag Game!

Tagged by: de wonderfulest ppl @noonaracha @straykidsgallery and @itsstraykids thank you sm!!! (go appreciate their cool point stories!)

Name(s): juni! is what i decided. some friends on this hellsite also call me solar so wtv u prefer. atp i just have a bunch of nicknames bcs i also have a Weird Name, A Weirder (Family) Nickname in real life

Pronouns: he/she/they/it<3 when i say feel free. pls and thank u

Star Sign: libra, right when it starts (and just a day after seungmin's!)

#of Siblings And Fun Facts About Them(if u have any): one (1) younger gremlin brother, and the funnest fact abt them is that he has been a walking directory of telephone no's since he was 4 and now can be relied upon to calculate large numbers inside his head in point seconds. Still hates physics(and most things theory)> by which, he also stores insane and inane amount of stats info (abt all types of things, but mostly sports) inside his head ready to be flourished at a moments notice, which is mildly impressive when ur 6 and debating with college students the scores of a game that happened 15yrs before u were born but not now when ur 17 and ppl are more focused on your test scores rather than ones u know, so</3 also has his birthday on changbin's but he doesnt know abt that

#of Pets: there's a history there. with fishes that my ma deceived me with on my 12th birthday(when i asked for a pet, i imagined smth i could hold) and then liked too much herself that we had them for 5yrs. three times; birds, but my brother kind of freed them while singing a lullaby with only me as an unbelieving witness. a dog (belovedest of em all) my dad picked from street as a puppy and who, then, had to be given away after 3yrs bcs of Stupid Reasons im still mad abt. now i just have street cats showing up at my front door to safekeep their babies on my staircase's isolated nooks till they grow up and vanish and street dogs who believe i have endless supplies of treats and show me sad faces when i dont. i really want a pet</3 but for now im contending with pictures of kitties whose moms operate on strict 'see-dont-touch' policies and sweet sweet strays who like to befriend u too easy.

Fandoms: many, but rn im active mostly in skz and mxtx. id love to be in other stuff i read and watch but since Capitalism hates me dearly,,,

Favorite Color: darker shades of all and any colors(esp blue green and red)!!! can be relied upon immensely to look warm and pretty always

Favorite Song: picking favorites for anything is out of my capabilities. also am just listening to my favorite bollywood playlist a lot these days.

Favorite Author: have a working list of favorite poets that does not end at 1. have not read a book seriously in four years of exam/prep-locking. but even if i did, idt ill be able to pick any favorite bcs, yk. good things in many things. (tldr; its roald dahl) (and ruskin bond who i read when i was 5 and still read when im so tired bcs his stories inspire me to write always)

Hobbies: I dance(perform) sometimes? I write??(←derogatory, dubious) make stuff, mostly poems and stories and tinker with free things i can do, both online or craft. analysis of things with friends is a beloved activity. i liek yoga and stretching (rn in an ongoing war with 3° winter mornings to drag myself out of bed and go to class at 6) cooking when i have time but mostly, always, reading (or! watching) stories, poems and learning abt cool nonfiction things (does crying abt fiction count)

Favorite Holiday: none of the above its the trips and getaways u make for yourself. all my beloved memories are always mostly from when our family makes a trip to someplace my mom insists or there's a non-worrying emergency to go somewhere. just family getting together under some pretense, even tho it is stressful as fuck.

Do You Have Any Partner(s): persuading my best friend atm but sadly she's straight</3(no lmao)

Fun facts about you/anything extra you wanna share!: since im having it rn- coffee doesnt keep me up or sometimes even makes me nod off, a fact i discovered after my 14yr old brain had the brilliant idea to try out the cool, forbidden drink after dinner knowing i wasnt allowed to. this is not fun to my ma but growing up in a sort of restrictive household, im also just weirdly good at sneaking and doing stuff im not supposed to without getting caught. i also do not know how to talk in lesser words. this is an absolute curse, yes i have tried. beware</3

this^ is a mess but thank u i had fun!! lemme tag: @winterfloral @syannie @hyunhomoons @quokki @chogiwow @agibbangs @rainknow @lixence @hyunebear @straykidsgallery @jerirose @ambivartence @hongjoongpresent + anyone who wishes to! apologies if tagged already!

[auroraeternal]

What’s you’re favorite pieces of media? Games? Shows? Movies? Music?

Hi Cris! I actually have before in my pinned post list with my fav media, but I removed it bcs I think this post is too big. Sorry for late reply again :/ For music (bcs its my most favorite of all media so its easiest to answer): I created two Spotify playlists - one with my fav songs of all genres and other dedicated purely to black metal and related to it other genres (because I have some ick when its mixes with other music, idk why :/). second playlist may be too hard, I understand this. For games: The Sims 3 and Medieval, VTMB (ofc), Stardew Valley, Silent Hill 2&3, Alice: Madness Returns, Skyrim, GTA SA, Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (I know that visual novels is a slightly different thing, but it was the only one that I don't think its boring for me XD). Also, I used to love Civilization VI, Minecraft, Detroit: Become human (but I watched it on yt because I don't have PS4 at the moment it came out), Plague Inc, Mortal Combat and old school mobile and Flash games (now I have Flashpoint installed). I'm interested in these games, but I haven't played them yet, I've only watched videos and/or read articles about them: F.E.A.R, Hitman (newer games size are insanely huge, maybe I try Blood Money instead), Fatal Frame, Postal 1&2, Painkiller (its OST is the GOAT), Cry of fear, videogame version of I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream (also original book is really good!).

For movies/tv shows: I have a longer list of what I WANT to watch than a list of what I like :D but my favorite genres are horror/thriller, science fiction, detectives (true crime too!, but not in romanticizing way), dramas (including historical) and documentaries. Also I love some "serious" or darker comics adaptations like The Dark Knight or The Crow. For more specific names, then: American Mary, Perfect Blue (I actually not really into anime/manga but love this one), The Act (TV show about Gypsy-Rose Blanchard), Devil Wears Prada, Marie-Antoinette (2006), Until the Light Takes Us (black metal documentary) and some more, I'm not good at remembering movies. I want to watch: Saw movies, Thirteen, Ginger Snaps, Jennifer's Body, Pearl, Fleabag, From Dusk Till Dawn, Pulp Fiction, The Godfather, American Horror Story, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Junji Ito Collection, and many more. Also I want to rewatch The Handmaid's Tale (and/or read the book). For books: again, I have the same problem like with the movies, but here situation is slightly better, bcs I downloaded a bunch of books that I want to read in my phone :D I mostly google recommendations or classics of genres/themes that I interested in, and my favorite genres are the same as the movies. The last books I read were Writer and suicide (not sure if this one exist in English, use translator. It was recommended to me by my friend) and Little Mushroom (BL post-apocalyptic novel, recommended to me by other friend xd).

Thank u for good asks, luv u 💗

[nedlittle]

hello - don’t feel like you have to answer this - i really admire how much you read and the variety of books you review. i am trying to read more in 2023, but i have a hard time finding things i like and an even harder time finishing books that don’t grab me by the 70ish page mark. do you mind sharing bit of insight on how you find what you like and, more to the point, how you get yourself to finish a book that you know is going to be a 2 star review maximum well before you’re done?

anon i am SO sorry for letting this rot in my inbox for over a month, i genuinely have not had the time to give you the answer you deserve. this is going to be long, so i'm going to divide it into two main parts

part i: how to find things you like.

the easiest advice i can give is just to think about books you like and what you enjoy about them. my favourite genre is historical fiction, but i like a very specific type of historical fiction that i have difficulty explaining bc it's vibes-based. largely queer historical fiction that interrogates its setting rather than using it as a backdrop for modern characters in period clothing; i'm not huge on historical family sagas, but i do love when the style is a little fucky. i like reading classics, mainly mid-late 19th century and mid-20th century ones as historical artifacts, i like comparing and contrasting similar texts like i'm writing a book report, and i like purple prose. i like some fantasy and sci-fi but not a lot because i'm a big dumb-dumb with complex worldbuilding and think that some genres, like urban fantasy are just a little silly, this is my subjective taste. think about what you don't like and why you don't like it with the same amount of thought. that's step 1.

so, you've figured out what you do and do not like. now, to find more of the same. if your author is alive and has a web presence, check out what they recommend on social media, check out books they've blurbed. you may not have the same taste as the authors you like and god knows i've read at least 3 books because alison epstein recommended them and i really liked her debut novel only to find that her taste and mine don't always align. do the same with your friends, even if they may not have the same taste. ask them what a five-star read is to them. ask the little tumblr people in your phone. it's okay to have caveats. whenever i ask for book recs on here, i clarify that i am not interested in reading a little life and i probably never will be.

if you look for book recs everywhere, like i do, you will find them. try something your favourite podcast host recommends! read lists of new releases in a genre of your choice!

anon i don't know what your local library sitch is. mine has a great website for finding similar books. the example i'm using here is my fave read of 2021, the flight portfolio by julie orringer

if you click on the covers it will tell you why these titles are recommended, mostly for shared subject matter and setting, occasionally for stylistic or thematic similarities. none of these books appeal to me, but if i scroll down a little more...

fucking bingo. so, because i am me, i am going to select "lgbtqia" and "historical fiction", maybe "stylistically complex" if i want to narrow it down

it gave me 12 books total that are available at my local library. of the first four, i have read three (adored one, points if you guess which one), and the remaining book is on my tbr.

the storygraph is also fantastic for recommendations, though like all recommendations, they're hit-or-miss. if you have an account, which i recommend, and i also recommend you add me if you do @/kitnotmarlowe because that way you can keep up with the saga of me unintentionally reading books where lesbians have threesomes and a ghost is involved somehow. but if you have an account, you get recommendations right on your homepage that you can filter by length, genre, mood etc

sorry this is 5 px i had to zoom out to get all the available options. you can also sort your reading preferences including fave genres (up to 5), the kind of books you like reading (open-ended and comma separated), characteristics you appreciate most (up to 3), genres you aren't currently interested in (as many as you want, i currently have 26), things that turn you off books the most (up to 3), and books that you're never in the mood for (as many as you want, the only one i have marked is 'relaxing'). you can ask for specific recommendations without changing your preferences if you want something specific NOW and you have the option of browsing similar books for any of the books in their database

now that that's out of the way, onto...

part ii: how do you finish books that aren't good

here's the secret: you don't have to. life is too short to commit to finishing something you aren't interested in or upset by or simply not vibing with. as a kid i used to be really bad with this and finished every single book i read even if it scared the absolute shit out of me (wuthering high by cara lockwood) or accidentally exposed me to baby's first sex scene (have been trying to remember what book this is for YEARS). if something isn't gripping you by the 70 page mark, put it down. unless you're reading it for school or being paid to review it. sometimes you just don't vibe with a book! maybe you'll pick it up later, maybe you won't and that's fine. i tried reading a historical romance last year but got so distressed by the politics and stupid understanding of suffrage that i quit before i was halfway.

"how you get yourself to finish a book that you know is going to be a 2 star review maximum well before you’re done"

if you look at my worst books of 2022, you'll see that over half of them are dogshit historical mysteries that i finished solely to try and solve the mystery, even if they were written with all the poise and skill of a fast food receipt or utterly nonsensical or colonial in a way i didn't expect to find in the 21st century. i am a hater at heart. i have an entire tag devoted to books i've finished out of spite. sometimes you finish a book you think is dogshit so that you can Tell The World (or at least your friends) that it is dogshit and get all your feelings out and once you have achieved catharsis you can read something new. sometimes you think a book is dogshit and nobody else really agrees and you feel like you're in the twilight zone so you write out your thoughts and release them unto the internet.

i'm of the opinion that a bad book can be as instructive as a great one. you can take apart a bad book and figure out what works (for you personally and for the book from a craft standpoint). this is a pro-litcrit blog even if it's just you writing a 2000 word review of a book approximately 5 people have read JUST so you can send it to a friend and have them empathize with your suffering. taking literature apart is fun! sometimes you have to power through an awful book before you can read a great one

sorry that this is so long but i hope it was a bit helpful. my inbox is always open to requests for recommendations no matter how niche. go forth and read widely!

[meyhew]

If you haven’t already read it, “all the light we cannot see” by Anthony doer is really good!

Personally I love “a separate peace” by John Knowles, it’s a great coming of age story.

I don’t read a lot of fiction and when I do it’s mostly classics, so that’s all that comes to mind off the top of my head, but I’ll definitely be watching the recs you get cause I need some as well!

thanks! personally i think u should check out the ones i mentioned in my post bc they're just so very good. im really picky about which books i tell other people to read bc i have the Always Being Right disease and i can't stand it when people dont love something i rec them but every book on that short list is immaculate within its genre

[aroaceconfessions]

Uh hello, I'm kinda questioning... so i think I need advice or something,

I think I found a label that kinda fits but I don't know if it's fair to call myself aspec/under the asexual umbrella

But I'm gonna start from the beginning so this will make sense,

Ps: this got long so I'm gonna cut some parts and make some bullet points instead

When I was 8 I chose who to have a crush on

When I was 12 I joined a very gay fandom and shipped gay people (helped me stopped being homophobic)

"But I wasn't gay"

When I was like 13 every day on the bus I was thinking of this one girl

And I was like I can't be gay

And I had a whole list on my brain of why "I wasn't allowed to be gay"

Till a friend of mine came out as bi when we were like 13-14, and I realized that if they're allowed to just be Then There's no invisible wall forbidding me

And I did too, I came out to a few people as bi

When I was 12 I had a crush on a boy, once my friend pretended to like him to see my reaction(cause it was my 1st crush while they had a different one every week) and I had deleted my feelings after a 45 minutes class, but she just told me it was a joke but, I already like, felt nothing?

I've had a couple of crushes over the years, it actually takes me a long time to figure out "Oh hey this might be a crush" and most of my crushes, they were just random people from school, that I've never talked to and I didn't actually wanted to? Like that's my crush ok. End of story, no biggie

I only had a crush on a friend once, and I never told anyone about it. This was like when I was 15, and I recently (im 17 now) found out they have an online gf and I didn't felt any kind of jealously one might expect to feel, I'm happy for them

The thing with my crushes is, fictional characters? I usually love the boys, real people? Usually Girls that look gay

I think what mostly makes me question whether I'm fully bi, is that I related a little too much to Georgia Warr from Loveless by Alice Oseman (for anyone that doesn't know the book is about Georgia figuring out her identity as aroace)

One of my main suspicions is a photo, it was from an actor I really liked a few years ago, he was shirtless and all the comments were like "😍😍🔥🔥🥵🤩hot" and the first time I saw it I was like yeah, but then I saw the same photo a week later and I was like ew why is he shirtless get dressed dude, and I was confused with the same comments I saw and agreed a week ago

Also, some of the fictional characters i love I say I'm in love with them, but I don't actually want to "date" anyone (like my friends do) and 9/10 I ship the characters with someone

And I recently found out what Aceflux is

I would explain it as "on/off sexual attraction" that's how I understand it, at least. I don't know if/how much I'm wrong. I can't find a lot about it online

When I think about it, I'm not sure what I find "hot" sometimes I see someone and I'm like oh hot but not like in a "I wanna sleep with them hot"

I'm 17 and I've never been in a relationship or anything,

And while its sounds cool and all, I'm doing fine single yknow? I'm not actively looking for a relationship like most people seem to be doing

I've been questioning with the Aceflux label for a while now, it just makes sense,

Things I've done/thought in the past make more sense if an "on/off sexuality" is an option

but I feel like a fraud if I do use it and call myself that

Google is like "mostly on the asexual spectrum but sometimes allo"

What if it's a mix? What if I'm more allo than Aceflux? Or actually I'm not even sure anymore?? Idk I think I experience sexual attraction like 10 minutes a week when I see something on the internet that seems fancy

Is there a way to measure it?

Would it be unfair to use that label?

I don't even know anymore

Also, bc I've got double questions how? Romantic people? Demiromantic? How different? Like do people get Romantic feelings instantly?how? what? I don't understand

I'm questioning everything at this point

Only my gender, which I figured out at 15, seems to be safe...for now

[vennussy]

Ronance Fic Ideas #1: Horror Gore Writer x Serial Killer Roommates

in honour of my "get to know me" tag game here, it turns out people do want to know about my little au ideas in more detail (not entirely tho bcs some of them are still processing) and here is one out of my 4-5(?) fic ideas!

SO! this idea first came up while I was on the writing side of tiktok bcs yes I want to become a writer as a side thing when I grow up where this person made a skit about a writer and a secret serial killer as roommates, and honestly, it's tons of fun to watch, they have a bunch of videos about the two and I fell in love immediately. you can watch it here <3

here's a quick summary tho; basically the two people, now named vic (serial killer) and shelley (writer) are roommates. shelley is a horror writer who asks vic very gorey descriptive questions like if a person can live after getting their hand chopped off and stuff and vic tries to answer. FUNNY THING IS vic doesn't know a lot about the writing world so they legit assume shelley is a murderer and is SCARED of them, while shelley still doesn't know nor care how vic knows so much about torture. ITS SO FUNNY AND ENTERTAINING BUT ON TO THE RONANCE PART

OKAY LISTEN LISTEN.

Nancy is the writer.

Robin is the serial killer.

they became roommates one day and IK robin isn't the one to kill and murder but watching the skit it just FELT so right for them to have these roles. IMAGINE nancy one day asking her how long a person can live after getting fucking SKINNED and robin is absolutely terrified why she needs to know but goes out and tests it out anyways for nancy.

AND LISTEN TF UP robin is absolutely overprotective over nancy and one day while they were out, robin sees a person stalking them, specifically her girl so when they get back home, she goes out finds the guy and beats him up, kidnaps him and HURT HIM bcs she's fuckin Robin "Nancy is mine." Buckley

even as an uprising big-deal serial killer (people even calling her "The New Ripper" like jack the ripper) she is absolutely horrified to find nancy's list of torture ideas in her opened notebook. but robin gets excited when nancy asks the questions too bcs she learns something new and gets really happy when she impresses nance.

NANCY on the other hand has become the most oblivious fucker around. like full-on her detective mode is gone. she sometimes questions robin how she knows so much about murder but brushes it off even if robin's excuse was so bad, in exchange for that, she is the most detailed and scarily good writer. LIKE EVEN THE SERIAL KILLER HERSELF ALMOST PUKED AFTER READING HER TORTURE BOOK.

but if I do write this fic I'm planning to do like mostly their dynamic and shit and the questions nancy would ask before getting them to date AND THEN the drama where nancy starts to figure things out and have to choose whether to stay or go. if she does stay I think about nancy writing all about robin in her book and signing it off as fiction only for it to be a hit.

okay now for the stuff i thought of that I couldn't put up there properly

robin was most likely abused and had/have a lot of psychological issues which led to her killing, also her lack of knowledge of the real world like fictional novels and shit (that's why she assumed the book nancy was writing was real)

robin ironically works in a butcher store, mostly owned by her bcs of long-term working there since she was a teen, that's also where she sometimes hides the bodies

nancy had to get a roommate in her apartment due to her parents (mostly dad, I'm a karen wheeler lover) not supporting her career choice and basically stopped giving her money in order to "face reality" so she puts up an ad for a roommate

"I sure do hope no serial killer ends up being my roommate" -nancy before getting a serial killer as her roommate

robin was very withdrawn at first, nancy didn't mind bcs she's a bit of an introvert but after accidentally catching robin having a panic attack (she realized one of her victims escaped and started panicking) nancy realizes she needs to know more about the girl

it was hard af but nancy managed to get robin to open up and sees her awkward rambling personality

nancy has a part-time job at the bookstore near the butchery giving her a chance to visit robin at work

robin gets so nervous when she does though, she can't tell if nancy would notice that the blood on her apron was in fact not pigs or any other animal but a human itself

nancy loves watching horror movies but is scared of crime documentaries, robin loves watching crime documentaries but hates horror movies

their first date was in a quiet beautiful forest that happened to be robin's first murder place

nancy thinks it's cute how excited robin rambles about the smartest murders serial killers did that they got away from

nothing weird about it, plus she gets to learn about it too, for her book ofc

also kind of?? self projecting myself on robin here IM NOT A SERIAL KILLER ISTG but I do have a lot of intrusive thoughts bcs of my OCD so might as well get them out in the healthiest way, fanfiction.

plus I'm going to be majoring in psychology, so I really wanna apply what I may learn through robin

I do not condone murder or torture

please dont

only these useless lesbians can

OKAY THAT'S ALL I THINK!! I hope yall enjoy it! if u have anything u wanna add then go for it, I wanna hear what yall think :D

[elizabeth-mitchells]

Hi.

Could you maybe recommend some gay af books? I'd love to read some!

Hi anon! first of all thank you for asking bc i love talking about my favorite gay books!! also this is so not going to be a comprehensive list or anything, like idk if these are the best or the most popular but they're the ones i've personally read! also shoutout to @lgbtqreads bc it's where i've personally gotten many recommendations so highly recommended! also this is almost entirely about lesbians because yes

First things first, the first gay book I read, for Carol reasons, was The Price of Salt! which I genuinely and absolutely loved. and it sent me in a path of similar historic-ish kind of path from which I specifically remember Tell it To The Bees (better ending than the movie!!) and Patience and Sarah. and then everything by Sarah Waters (except one book without lesbians that's still good), happy endings not guaranteed, just historial lesbian in wild stories, but they're all great, some of my favorite ever, especially Fingersmith and The Night Watch *chefs kiss*

Then I decided you know what, I want just cheesy, happy, sexy, little romance books! like low stakes, pretty much predictable, but just satisfying if you're in the mood for a romcom. so i went down the rabbit hole of reading every single book by Melissa Brayden (i genuinely recommend the 3 series she's written, or at least the first two, you need this in your life (don't expect a lot of diversity but like it's just fun okay? trust me)). there's also Georgia Beers, which I haven't read as much but still good!! I really liked the books by Lyn Gardner too. also Nina Lacour!

Which lead me to "mostly YA or romance books that I read and loved but don't remember enough to describe in detail but you should totally read": All Out (many lgbt stories), Dating Sarah Cooper, Annie On My Mind, i think everything by Malinda Lo. special shoutout to scifi/fantasy YA that i personally treasure! Labyrinth Lost! The Abyss Surrounds Us (and sequel)!! This Is How You Lose The Time War!! and of course The Locked Tomb series!!! also i promise that One Stop and The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo are 1000% worth it!!!

I don't read a lot of non-fiction but I could recommend Tegan and Sara's book also Cameron Esposito's book! don't have anything else in that category though

And because it's a personal favorite of mine, spooky gay books!! obviously start with The Haunting of Hill House, technically it's just subtext but it's worth it. Her Body and Other Parties is an absolute masterpiece, gay and unsettling (also the other book and comic book by Carmen Maria Machado!). a tragic and weird but amazing if you know how to appreciate if its for you, Carmila!!! and I'd totally count My Best Friend's Exorcism as gay because it's just very gay

okay that's it!!

let me know if you'd like to know more about one of them specifically or if you'd like to talk about any of them because I'd absolutely love to!!! <3

[nonagesiimus]

do u have any book recs for ppl who are trying to get back into reading?

yes but i also have a longer response about reading that im putting under the cut. "get back into reading" is a really broad thing to give recs for so im taking it to mean "things that are low effort but still fun/interesting" and then if you want more specific ideas please god read my longass response under the cut and get back to me

the miraculous journey of edward tulane by kate dicamillio (childrens book about a toy rabbit who gets lost)

the selection by kierra cass (ya dystopian the bachelor but its royalty. this is a TERRIBLE book but i read the entire series. sometimes its fun to read a terrible book)

ice planet barbarians by ruby dixon (alien erotica. note that there IS brief rape/sexual assault early on in the book that is unrelated to the romance. again sometimes it is fun to read a terrible book)

get a life, chloe brown by talia hibbert (contemporary romance about a woman with a bucket list)

all systems red by martha wells (sci fi novella about a secunit who gains free will)

the house in the cerulean sea by tj klune (fantasy auditor goes to check on a fantasy orphanage. i did not like this book but it was extremely easy to read)

im thinking of ending things by iain reid (psychological horror about a woman who goes with her boyfriend to meet his parents for the first time and she thinks she wants to break up with him. this is like the only book ive ever read that legitimately freaked me out while i was reading it)

the year of magical thinking by joan didion OR slouching towards bethlehem by joan didion (memoir about the year of her life following her husbands death, essay collection)

the new me by halle butler (litfic woman works as a temp and has a phenomenal amount of internal rage. i have so much to say about this one honestly)

hunters in the snow by tobias wolff (short story about a three person hunting party. this is my Short Story From High School That I Still Think About)

i tried to give you a variety bc i have no idea what kinds of things you like. good luck!

hmmmm usually "get back into reading" means you previously read as a hobby and fell out of it somehow so usually for that the best book is one you already know and love. whatever book used to be your favorite book when you were a "reader" or maybe when you were a kid. it can literally be a picture book just like anything you actually WANT to read and have a good time reading, thats a good book to get back into reading.

alternatively, some people have a Certain Kind Of Book they can reliably read quickly (for me this is contemporary romance) and reading one or two of these can snap you out of a "reading slump"

i really think the actual most important thing with reading is that you actually ENJOY reading, like you enjoy the process or the analysis or SOMETHING about the experience, because its basically pointless to force yourself to read when you aren't having a good time. so if you're sure you want to read and are just having trouble getting in the swing of things, maybe you need to change the kinds of things you're reading (like, maybe you spend a lot of time reading ya fantasy and need to move to adult fantasy, maybe you focused mostly on novels and now you need to read short stories, maybe you need a new genre, maybe you need a new author, etc). you could totally surprise yourself on what kinds of things you're into, like my boyfriend reads almost exclusively sci fi and i recommended three literary fiction books to him, and he really liked them.

you also have to let go of the idea that you SHOULD be reading anything specific. like you dont HAVE to read any "classics" if you dont want to. if you do i can rec some i like but your reading experience is about what YOU like not what other people think you should read

what im getting at here is i can tell you some books that i think are low effort and fun but they might not actually work on YOU since i dont know what kinds of things you like, what things havent worked for you, etc etc. if you want to like refine your question to "books for people who want to get into horror/romance/literary fiction/etc" i could probably give you some more specific titles that you might actually like. godspeed

[oceanselevenism]

I've seen that most of the stories on ao3 about them are mostly canon-compliant (and I don't have anything against that tbh) but I was wondering if you have any aus that you think could fit them or that you'd like to see?

omg i have SO MANY aus!! (it got Very Long so its under a cut)

- college au! danny gets kicked out (hes on full scholarship and does Thiefly Things to cover his expenses so hes not endangered just fairly fucked up abt it) (does it count as kicked out if u only live w ur dad three months a year) in freshman year, he befriends rusty (1 year below him) in sophomore year, debbie also befriends rusty (she and danny dont talk much but shes 2 yrs below him at the same college), and when reuben comes calling for a job he thinks debbie has a boyfriend (thanks to debbie telling her dad that she does) so she fake dates rusty. who ends up joining the job. and danny is Very Jealous

- snl ripoff au! danny and rusty are the weekend-update-adjacent anchors and they get gay. i Would have this take place in la (reuben is taking A Risk producing a late night sketch comedy show on the west coast but the 11/12/however fuckin many are fantastic cast members so even though they lose revenue from the other timezones not watching as much as they watch snl or whatever, they still make BANK... but danny and rusty getting gay throws the equilibrium out of whack) BUT la sucks DICK so its happening in new york. also this way u get Ocean Sibling Banter (debbie and lou are the anchors for The Actual Weekend Update and when debbie/lou get together and also when danny/rusty get together there are so many ‘just switch out the blondes/brunettes nobody will be able to tell and we won’t have hr down our necks’ jokes)

- au where the caldwells, abt to go deep undercover on a Huge Fucking Case, have to give up custody of 6 year old linus to tess and danny. the case stretches on for twelve years and linus grows up w tess and danny (who get divorced like right after they adopt him bc tess finds out abt dannys Thiefly Activities-- he confesses to her bc he doesnt rly want to predispose the kid to said thiefly activities) and also isabel (she and rusty break up like Right Before tess and dannys wedding and its very funny; she then goes on to marry tess) parenting him (rusty isnt as much in the picture bc he doesnt feel bad at all abt stealing and tess doesnt want linus to pick up that mentality also rusty Feels Things abt danny)! then when linus is like 18 or 19 danny disappears (tess and isabel think its Thiefly Activities again and arent concerned, just disappointed, but linus is very concerned for his dad-slash-stepdad-slash-sort-of-uncle) and he tracks down rusty so they can find danny. they roadtrip across america and eventually catch up to danny, who is helping the caldwells, and the five of them take down whatever gang the caldwells were chasing. linus now has 6 parents

- au based on this post where some archaeologist finds a bunch of dannys [french person voice] Love Lettairs 2 rusty and so obviously the logical course of action is to rob the museum (which happens to be the museum that tess is curating. funny how things work out) without telling his team What Theyre Stealing. they successfully pull off the heist but turns out the letters were not among the items they stole!! danny is getting desperate. as a last-ditch attempt he calls tess and asks her to let them rob the museum. shes like Why The Fuck Would I Do That. he explains and she begrudgingly agrees. danny and livingston go break into the museum Again but rusty tails them bc dannys been acting Weird and he finds out abt the letters bc livingston sweats more whenever he tells a lie. they live happily ever after (literally, theyre immortal) the end. also even though dannys a werewolf the 11 all call him the new jersey devil (its not his fault that legend came to be ok!! he was very drunk!!)

- childhood friends au!! danny and rusty were best buds as very young kids and then the oceans had to move. flash forward 2 present day where danny and debbie r robbing a museum (theyre building a flower shop over the vault and tunneling in, the dudes in brazil who came up w it are very very clever) and guess which two people are the assistant curators (is that even a title?). guess. ill tell u its tess and rusty! danny recognizes rusty, rusty ‘does not recognize’ danny (which is valid. look at photos of child george clooney and tell me you would recognize him). the 11 demand that they use this to their advantage and so danny and rusty Sort Of Date while the rest set up for the robbery, and danny feels really bad abt it so on the day of (after everyone has gotten away, ofc, he might be a lovesick bitch but hes not a snitch) he confesses and rustys like lmao i was onto u from the start. what kind of a name is [insert alias here] anyway. then they go live a life of crime and its great

- @sanduschism came up w a fantastic au where danny pickpockets rusty and feels bad so he sends the wallet back and they strike up a Correspondence

- HOSPITAL AU!!! danny and rusty r er techs while theyre doing med school and nobody knows how they juggle their shifts w school but also rusty can do a tracheotomy in like 5 seconds and danny can tell when a person needs an mri before they even list their symptoms so nobody questions it and nobody splits them up Ever. when they eventually become surgeons, danny does cardio and rusty does neuro, and whenever they have to work together not only do they never have to say what theyre doing, they don't even have What Do U Want To Cook For Dinner convos fully out loud. tess is head nurse... she makes so many excel spreadsheets... they are ALL color coded. isabel is head er doc and nobody dares to halfass things on her watch. reuben is head hospital admin, saul is chief surgeon, basher is head of the burn unit, the malloys r the HUNKIEST nurses in town, frank does plastic surgery/ent (every patient loves him bc he is just So Calm), livingston is The IT Guy, yen does like orthopedics or physical therapy, and linus is their fav resident who they all lovingly tease 24/7. the ocean sibs r both Cardio Gods and each dominate their respective coasts. debbie is an nyc doctor and if she sees a mass gen doctor its on SIGHT. the few surgeries that she and danny collab on go so fast that the med students in the gallery Cannot tell whats happening. lou is also a plastic surgeon and she and frank r best buds. linus requests time off like 6 months in advance Every Time and everyone hates it bc then They have to be on call but he doesnt realize his Extreme Overachieverness is causing so much strife. whenever tess and danny get in an argument she colorcodes his rounds spreadsheet to be the most neon shit youve ever seen. can you tell i never fully progressed past my greys anatomy phase this one is like 93489302 lines long

- superpower au where rusty has midas touch and danny has corrosive touch and when theyre too young to have control over their powers (abilities develop throughout adolescence and the user gains control at the end of adolescence) they accidentally brush hands and are terrified they just killed each other but turns out their powers like. cancel out. so until they reach like 21 or 22 and can touch things without fucking them UP they just. hold hands all the time. bc otherwise they have to wear gloves to prevent Accidents and both of them “hate gloves” (and also love holding hands. gayasses)

- uhhh hallmark au where danny is a crime fiction writer out on some beach north of ocean city nj and rusty is his fancy nyc editor. everyone else is a thief including debbie who is just Very weirded out that her brother, who robbed boston’s institute of contemporary art at age 22 and got away with it, has decided to spend the rest of his life churning out books. he is very critically acclaimed and about half of the 11 are buds with him and use his published books as heist inspo. the other ~half of the 11 are buds with rusty, and they tell him if danny’s heists are feasible or not (they always are. scarily so.) anyway rusty and isabel break up 12 days before xmas and danny and tess break up 8 days before hanukkah so dannys heading to debbie’s place in upstate new york to mope for the holidays when A BLIZZARD HITS and he gets stranded in midtown. and he and rusty are buds but like. Email Buds. they dont hang out irl and therefore they dont let their Totally Bud-Like Feelings mess up their professional relationship. but danny is stranded and its hanukkah and he ends up crashing at rustys place for the duration of the blizzard. and then rusty ends up coming to debbies place for the rest of the holidays. and then they kiss on new years eve and debbie kicks them out bc theyre being gross

- And More! thanks for the ask, anon! sorry it got so long lol i just have Many Thoughts

[savrenim]

hi hi hi. so I just got into the Hamilton fandom, I swear I am four years late where did everybody go, and, well. I am apparently a hamburr shipper. bcs that is my life now. anyway I saw your fic ifmlam and I swear it is my favourite of all the fics I've ever read (and trust me I've read literally thousands). I love it so so much, how do you write fics like that??? I cried about four times during the whole thing, I stayed up till 4am reading it even when I had to wake up at 7 because it is just. that. good. I could not stop thinking about it for days afterwards and ifmlam has just ruined me. I can't think of listen to Hamilton without thinking of ifmlam anymore.

on to my qursttion: is it abandoned? of course it's perfectly FINE if it is. don't let anyone tell u differently, your fic is YOURS and u are amazing.

but pls I really need closure from ur fic, it has been haunting me if its abandoned or ongoing and I've read ur other fics and they are just chefskiss and thank you so much for writing them all. thank you thank you thank you, I will never be able to thank you enough for writing this fic and for everything it's done for me. I am probably thousands of miles away but I am sending you virtual jugs through a co.puter screen right now.

(don't feel pressured to reply to this or update it flam, I know how overwhelming it can get with so many messages and after a while u get desensitized to it. u can literally reply "thx. itfmlam is abandoned" and I would still be amazingly star struck. anyway has gotten way too long and I need to sleep and I'm sorry u probably won't see this so I'm just talking to myself right now but bye!!)

and thank you so so much for writing itfmlam.

aaaah hello anon!

thank you so so much???? I am so??? honored??? that ifmlam rates so highly to you, and also that you've read my other fics??????

the answer to the "is ifmlam abandoned" question is probably the worst possible one, which is pretty much "I do want to finish it, both for the folks that still want closure as well as it bothers to me have abandoned projects that are in the public eye/ already partially published, but also, it is last on my current writing projects list"

my current actually active writing projects list, kind of in order of priority, is

I'm literally three chapters away from being Actually Fully Done with the not-quite-first-not-quite-second let's call it 1.5th draft of an actual?? full?? original?? novel?? Opus which of course then goes out to beta readers and then gets who-knows-how-much edited and then maybe beta readers again if a lot does change and then a copyeditor my mom, my copyeditor is my mom, and maybe my little brother he's one of the betas but is very good at catching typos and then I!!! get to publish it!!!! which is the single thing I am most excited for!!!!!!!!! this should be closed up in the next week or two, and then take a while for people to actually read the draft and get back to me.

I really desperately want to finish my open-but-like-90%-written fic, which means we raise it up, the final chapter of to the bottom of the river bc I realized that it was kind of incomplete, and the second chapter of a buried and a burning flame because any more work there will need to wait until the author publishes the next book in the series. this should be closed up in the next month or two.

Speedwrite the draft of the second book of the Opus series so that hopefully by the time book 1 edits are happening, I have an almost complete draft of the second book. this is mostly me side-eyeing myself about taking nearly four years to write the first book, but that is solidly in part because I had so many other open projects which point 2 is about clearing that docket. this should be done in the next year.

And then just have my major projects be, at least until books 1-5 are written and published, books 1-5 of that because that is arguably the first major 'plot arc' of the series, so if I'm looking for a pause point on writing, that's probably where to stop.

There are two or three other short side projects (a weird fun second person short story tentatively titled witch-queen, a collection of four short stories Memoirs about a not-so-evil necromancer and the shenanigans he gets up to trying to rule a kingdom, working title Perfectly Normal Recipe Blog which is a collaborative project about a perfectly normal recipe blog that definitely doesn't include anything out of the normal) that will happen when they happen

There are other projects that are on the backburner -- The Numanok Files, a series of probably 12-15 short novellas about a mercenary/ bounty hunter esque person in space whose specialty is dealing with hauntings, but, like, 80% of their jobs is actually "you are effectively a space home inspector pointing out faulty wiring reacting to solar flares/ there's a weird alien fungus/ it's carbon monoxide okay change your atmosphere filters" and 20% of it is punching ghosts; there's a post-post apocalypse novel that I want to write that I know characters and general pacing and half the setting but need to work out the other half and figure out how much aesthetic I want to commit to; there's Strangeside7 aka spacerace book that is my reaction to how much I love how Redline the anime movie commits itself to "no we are about a race, like 60% of the screentime is just fully going to be an utterly ridiculous sci fi space race"; there's even a ridiculous YA trilogy that I would have to completely transplant the setting but might end up writing because the interplay between angel-physics and physics-physics was one of my favorite things in the world. and I guess the weird ridiculous technically a sequel series to ifmlam that was going to be published as original books that was basically me having fun with 'okay I fucking love star wars prequels old rotting space bureaucracy galactic republic style' except with seers and that also still might happen because it does have some of the coolest sci fi concepts and honestly I thiiiink that's all?

but the tl;dr of that timeline is I'm trying to finish a punch of projects Right Now, so that I can write books 2-5 of Opus, and then when I'm done that (which honestly, my average fiction-writing output is close to 100k a year. if I'm concentrating purely on one project, and writing books that are about 100k, we are talking four years. although my job situation is super up in the air in that period and writing might get put solidly on the backburner as I try to make it in academia, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I will re-evaluate which projects go next, and that's when ifmlam is likely to come up for review.

I do not have any expectations that I will make it as an original author. I'm planning on posting all of my stuff online for free, but, like. it is incredibly difficult to convince people to try out even a piece of free and easily accessibly original work even if one has a huge following, I am a very small fanfiction author, and from what I can tell the majority of the people who are interested in my work are mostly interested in me finishing ifmlam. writing is a hobby for me, and while I'm writing mostly for me--and hence the for me bit at least for the next five years is pretty solidly going to be this series that I am deeply excited about and have sunk my heart and soul into every single aspect of--I'm human, and I don't really like shouting into the void, and I expect if I spend five years publishing to absolutely no response I will either stop writing for a while and do other things gods know my life is busy enough, return to fandom in general to write some other fanfic about whatever I get deeply into, or return to a work that I actually get response to. so ifmlam will probably start getting worked on a bit at that point one way or another. unless, of course, we are in the incredibly rare timeline in which I do make it as an original author, there are people who are deeply hyped for my original works and an actual demand for them, in which case as you may have noticed there are enough ideas there to keep me busy for a decade or two, and they will just get my full attention instead of fanfiction*. in this timeline, I will do what I was considering doing a few years ago, which is officially declare ifmlam otherwise abandoned and make one more giant chapter update which is a full and cleaned up outline of what I was going to write, interspersed with the scenes already written, and have ifmlam be given at least that closure.

*I want to make it clear that I very much love fanfiction and am proud to have been a fanfiction author and in my heart of hearts would keep writing it forever, I just also have a lot of ideas for characters and settings and magic systems and Aesthetics and I have been biting at the bit to write something that is //mine// and all mine and only mine for a while, I don't see original work as superior so much as there are a dozen fandoms that I am currently in and bursting to make content about except oops these fandoms currently only exist in my head, and I want to correct that

of course given how much as writing is my vent activity and I write what I'm in the mood for, there's a chance I'll feel ifmlam cravings before then, just... expect it to take a couple of years for an update, but also for there to be an update one way of another in a couple of years? but as for right now, I'm turning to original writing, because that is what brings me joy.

but I am really deeply honored that it brought you so much joy!!! and while I will never publish spoilers in a public place, if you message me off anon I am perfectly happy to give a run-down of my current plans for the ending, bc I know "wait a couple years and see" is not the most satisfactory of answers! and hey maybe you'll be like me and once you've given Opus a try you'll decide you like it better too, it does have Seers although they are deeply different Seers than in ifmlam but imo it's very gay and fun and at least politics on one side

[c-kaeru]

TAGGED BY: @chaoticdean​, Merci !! 😘

RULES: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better. (Spoiler, I am not tagging 20 blogs lmao, if you see this and wanna do it feel free to do so and tag me so I can see it C:)

Name/Nickname: Camille/Kae

Gender: Genderqueer, They/Them or She/Her (tho I’m still mostly questioning lol)

Star sign: Leo

Height: 5′5 / 168 cm (or 5′6 ? why the heck aren’t all converters saying the same thing) 

Time: 9.58PM

Birthday: July 26th, 1997

Favorite bands: Way too much to even make a list 

Favorite solo artists: Same problem lol

Song stuck in my head: Wondering Where The Lions Are by Bruce Cockburn

Last movie: I think it was Inside Out (which. I didn’t expect it to wreck me like that lmao)

Last show: I’m currently watching Peaky Blinders with my sister hehe

When did I create this blog: I thiiiink it was in July 2013

What I post: Mostly SPN with random stuff and the occasional side hyperfixtation lmao (currently the game Genshin Impact X))

Last thing googled: Well, meters to feet converter bc I can never remember my size in feet lmao

Other blogs: What other blogs lmao I dump all the trash here like a man

Do I get asks: Not that much but ye and I love when I do !

Why I chose my url: Bc of a moment with my fave characters in Naruto and it’s stuck with me ever since hahah (and now I can’t even think of changing it bc everyone knows me with it and its kinda become a part of me XD Also beside “returning home” it also means frog in Japanese and I find it hilarious considering I’m French)

Following: 678 (which. I should really do a massive clean-up, god)

Followers: 5,8k (how is that a real amount of followers that I have. The fuck. I mean, probably a third of it are porn blogs but still)

Average hours of sleep: 3-4 on bad weeks, 7-8 on the good ones lmao

Lucky number: I hate maths sorry

Instruments: I...Played the flute as a kid

What am I wearing: black sweatpants with my Eye of The Tiger Jensen hoodie over a Naruto T-shirt (or : my pyjamas/quarantine outfit)

Dream trip: Road tripping in America (US and Canada) with my friends would be amazeballs. Also I really wanna go to Svalbard or anywhere near the North pole

Favorite food: I can’t choose lmao

Nationality: French

Favorite song: I have like 20 favorite songs c’mon

Last book read: just started Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo hehehe

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: Star Wars, uhhhh Harry Potter, probably, oh, and Genshin Impact bc the landscapes are amazing and I want a cool outfit and a cool element to play with

Favorite color: Blue, preferably darker

[sunshinexlollipops]

I'm NGL...I'm interested in your Twilight rambles. Especially since you weren't sober while watching the saga...honestly the only way you can watch it.

hello, anon.

ironically enough, you're one of a few others who have asked me for my twilight takes. I've ruminated on my takeaways for a good bit, and I've decided this is how I'm gonna go about my thoughts.

so firstly, this is gonna be a long post (hence the "read more" option). I wanna hit it all in one post that I can condense so that I'm not flooding everyone's dashes for this little venture, lol. so for anyone not interested, this should be rather easy for you to pass on!

but for everyone else, here's the post!

so I decided to break this up in a few ways just to gather my thoughts and critiques up the best.

I'd also like to start with a few disclaimers just so we can get this show on the road:

these views are my own. you can still enjoy the saga in your own ways, even while being critical of it. (bc let's be real, there's some red flags lol.) you shouldn't feel like you're being canceled by me if you enjoy the media in whatever ways. this isn't meant to be taken to those levels.

I may mention the books a little, but it's been YEARS since I read them, so I am mostly critiquing the movies (but I will critique Stephanie as a writer/creator).

I understand twilight is fiction, but there are some real problems in the series that can affect people in real life, so reader discretion is advised, and TW's will be put before I bring up 2 topics in this post.

alrighty, so. I watched the twilight saga while on da 🍃 lmao. not all at once, but never done while sober. if you wanna know what I used in particular, I have a delta 8 tincture that's basically just an oil. very nice and legal, and is what made all of this possible. 110/10 recommend bc it made things bearable. 💛

but alas, we have a post to make! so here we go...

Pros

yes. twilight does have *some* pros to the saga. you may be amazed as to how this could be in some ways but credit is due where credit is due...

twilight (1st film) is the perfect kind of 2008 camp. I want it in a time capsule bc it's the epitome of that the mid-late 2000's were like and it honestly is comforting in some ways. while cliche and trite, I hold this particular film in a sentimental box and I offer some respect.

also deserves her own mention: the blue filter that gave the entire first film its look 💙

the soundtracks had NO BUSINESS being as good as they were. every single film had amazing soundtracks and the music was never improperly timed or used. if anything, they made scenes ✨iconic.✨ looking at you super massive black hole...

Charlie (self-explanatory)

the one particular scene in New Moon in which Jacob fights one of his pack members after Bella (dumbly) slaps him. they go to fight and tumble in their throes towards the woods, knocking the "camera" down as they go. not sure why they decided to do that, but tbh the shot was pretty cool so I'll give it to em.

Michael Sheen being horny for everyone the entire time

me being horny for Lee Pace the entire time

Emmet was turned in Gatlinburg, TN and that place was my childhood so I will give them a point for it (also because I died over the fact that he was mauled by a bear Lmaooooo)

the places where the films are filmed and the sets that were made were always on point in terms of aesthetic

while absolutely horrendous in design and a undeniable failure since it was cut from the films, the animatronic "Chuckésmee" doll lives in my mind rent free as her silicone melts in Washington

the Cullen's house is where I wanna love eventually in terms of aesthetic.

Robert Pattinson

it taught me what red flags are in men 💛

alrighty, so with our pros out of the way...

here they are...

Cons

obviously, this list is gonna be WAYYY longer, but also, is only gonna touch on my general displeasures. I am gonna be getting very specific when it comes to the characters and what happened with them in the series, later.

the Cullen's coveted secret was found out by a horny teenager girl and google

the same formula was used for Jacob's tribe secret

the fact that the Native Americans were used for the werewolf plotline but no actual culture or substance is given to them otherwise

(also would've been nice if Steph had reached out to the actual Quileute tribe she used for her book to ask them how they could be represented and if making them werewolves was insensitive or not, just sayin.)

the main character driving a nice Volvo is not hot asf. idc if this book was written in '05, we had WAY better cars to feel impressed by. cause it was almost as bad as putting Edward in a fecken Nissan Altima.

"say it, out loud......."

"...............suburbanite."

how Edward went from "omfg I gotta drink dis bitch like hose water" to "no thanks, I believe in the lord" when it came to Bella's blood... how did he get over it so fucking quick?????

while Carlisle is a likeable enough character and one of the better vampires, his way of only turning dying people questionable when he's a doc. I mean this in the sense of what makes someone eligible to him to give the bite. it makes you wonder how many people he has had die on him over the years that just... weren't worth it. and if it's over a "he didn't want to create a new vampire and causes waves" he legit let Bella into the fold so easily. so what's held him back?

also Carlisle.... why ya whole family white? WAIT. ONE WAS A CONFEDERATE SOLDIER TOO HOLD UP—

it's very sad that we didn't really see many other outer cultures or races of vampires beside white vamps (before Breaking Dawn). sure there was Laurent, but he was so brief and died as early on as NM. I hate how his character was wasted bc he was interesting asf.

not James looking like he's straight to hunting after getting that Abercrombie & Fitch fit 😶

every POC vampire pulled into the "save Renesmée" plot, aside from the Egyptian clan, look as though they were based solely off of racist Halloween costumes and ignorance. they're depicted as being entirely removed from and obtuse to modernized society, which is unusual considering they feed of humans and would have exposure to it. it's also sad to see them all shown as nearly feral-vampires that just live in the wilds, while these other ancient white vamps get mansions and luxury cars. the POC vamps can still retain culture and traditionalism without making them out like the caveman in old Geico commercials.

the overall story took place in about 2 years and some change. not sorry, but that is NOT enough time to allow Bella to chose anything. especially with how she literally was trying to screw another guy for like, more than half that time.

Stephanie Meyer can't write women to be friends. she very much so has a women vs. women mentality. (I'll explain in greater detail w some of the characters.)

everyone just accepts whatever outlandish story Edward and his family comes up with when Bella disappears and gets severely injured. like ah, it's okay, everyone runs off to Italy or falls down some stairs and through a window at some point! 🤷‍♀️

extra con SPECIFICALLY bc they blame her being clumsy and everyone is like YA YOU DO BUMP INTO THINGS, BELLA 😅

making Bella immediately perfect when she becomes a vampire.

extra con because she also apparently has impeccable control over her thirst, and is still allowed to see her father/mom after being changed. she should've had the repercussion and never seeing them again while they're alive bc of being a newborn w no control

bc of this too it gives and extra-extra read all about it con bc all of the arguments made against turning Bella into a vampire were pointless in the sense that Bella is apparently a magical vampire savant. and that's on being a gatekeeping girlboss 😳

every motherfucker here is toxic ASF. I'm team no-one. all y'all need therapy and jail

especially YOU

also you in terms of therapy plz ma'am 🥺

where is Bella's truck—

a specific con for when Bella went to the wildflower field *in winter* during NM and goes into a mental spiral bc the flowers are dead like BOO IT'S CALLED SEASONS WTF

"it's uh...the florescents..."

alrighty, but let's get to the actual grit of the story... the characters.

I have some specific beef w some of these people, so buckle up.

Characters

Renée

Renée was not ready or suited to be a mom.

I say this specifically because, while being youthful isn't wrong per se, Renée has a very toxic version of "I'll grow up when I feel like it."

this woman pretty much uproots Bella's life entirely when she decides to go into travelling for her husband's baseball career. note how Renée is never really given an occupation of her own, and so instead of using her availability to contort to Bella's needs (school, transportation, etc), she decides to try and become a trophy wife to a up-and-coming baseball player instead.

genuinely, if Charlie hadn't been able to take Bella, I'm not sure what would've happened. maybe Bella would've been put into some residency school, or she would've been given to another relative... but the entire reason "twilight" even happened was because of Renée dumping her daughter on her ex-husband's doorstep to chase after her own fulfillment and happiness.

while she calls in on Bella, she treats her daughter's life like gossip. she has more scenes being in Bella's business about Edward than anything else. otherwise, her mom is pretty much just wrapped up in her life with her new husband, and she only comes to visit Bella when she's hospitalized in Twilight, and when she married Edward. otherwise she only calls.

while I don't care about it in a prude's way, they even went as far as having Renée notably wear a thong when Bella and Edward come to visit her in BD1. you could say this was the actress's choice, but it's very noticable and distinct to the point of being noticeable during production, so I'm gonna count it towards her character since it was blatantly left in.

especially since this is supposed to be the last time she sees her mom as a human, and you get to see Renée's red number above her jeans?

it just ruins any sentimental value the scene could've had. especially when you know that Edward could see this through the window of the other room. ffs.

but that's kind of the vibe Renée gives. like a girl who peaked in high school and just can't realize she isn't the only one in the room anymore.

she's the reason moms sell their kids to one direction for caprisuns on Wattpad.

Leah

this isn't to critique Leah as a character, but rather how she was portrayed and wasted by Stephanie and the directors.

firstly, in the movies there is NO mention about how Leah is the only female werewolf ever heard of. seriously! it's in the books, and even in the novels, Leah's stance as what seems like an impossible outlier is never truly addressed or realized. it's as though she's the human personification of the world's largest rubber band ball, with how she's written off.

I would've loved to see MORE on why Leah came to be. was there a reason why it didn't matter for her, or just happenstance? why is it ONLY males that become wolves? does that mean other women can become wolves, or will it only ever be Leah?

these questions were never asked by Steph, and so we won't ever get answers. just a waste of something special, honestly.

but secondly, more than anything... I intentioned before that Steph has a problem with women being friends. Leah is one good example to that.

while werewolves are supposedly driven by the anger (*sigh*), Leah is very unwelcoming and cold to Bella for NO reason. if anything, it's portrayed as a jealousy-driven rejection, and I hate how girls are created specifically to go after Bella for supposedly getting on their "terf" of boys.

this also extends to Leah's bitterness over Sam leaving her for his mate. while I understand Steph may have needed an example of "your mate can be anyone, doesn't matter who you love if they're not you're mate," but she specifically hurt Leah in this way and ONLY defines her through her bitter and loneliness. she doesn't even get any other notable dialogues apart from her talking about being heartbroken and betrayed by Sam.

additionally, her father died for pretty much no reason, and ofc it was while he was trying to keep Bella safe from Victoria in NM. it's just needless pain, bro. (also it hurt Charlie, so I'm anger.)

I'm still so disappointed with how Leah's story was treated. she could've been a gem.

Rosalie

like Leah, a lot of my complaints with Rosalie are more so of what she was put through and then how she was used in the story, but there is a little more critique to her character in a specific way.

by this, I mean that Rosalie... doesn't make sense.

heads up— TW!

so, as we know, Rosalie's cause of turning was a horrific SA that would've killed her had she not been bitten. she was r*ped and attacked by multiple men, multiple times.

she understandably holds resentment and hatred in her heart over the events, especially at how she blames them for costing her the goals she can no longer achieve because she became a vampire (honestly idk why she doesn't resent Carlisle for biting her...).

specifically her goals were to grow old with her husband, but also, to have kids, which expresses itself as a problem later on... overall, her story was heartbreaking.

I don't have an issue with giving a character trauma such as this, however, there is a key thing to note.

when giving characters trauma, you have to be realistic and respectful with these events. they are not just plot devices or characterizations. they are not superficial issues you can pick up when convenient and drop when they no longer are.

I am LIVID with how Rosalie's story was used in the saga.

she is portrayed as this jealous, hateful bitch to Bella. in fact, it's a running joke that Rosalie is just a bitch, and there's even a deleted scene in which Jacob throws a dog bowl at her from Breaking Dawn. she is very much so framed into a light of "she's a c*nt.*

she's also actively framed into being Bella's biggest hurdle with the Cullen family, and her desire to become a vampiric member of their clan. she is the only person to say no when they hold a vote over turning Bella in New Moon, and states: "I wish I had someone to say no for me."

Rosalie was also given dialogue in which she refused to or questioned helping Bella when she was being hunted by other vampires. this definitely ties into Steph's "wen can't be friends" mentality, but there's another reason as to why I bring this up...

as I mentioned, Rosalie has her tragic past, and it is revealed to us when Rosalie believes she needs to convince Bella she is making the wrong choice, and that she needs to preserve her humanity and to choose her well-being over what seems to be a momentary desire.

I fully understand why Rosalie would want to say that, but her trauma was given to her specifically as a guilt/manipulation tool by Steph. there is no healing for Rosalie. there's no growth. there's no trace of it outside their conversation. that's one reason it's so enraging: what Rosalie went through only mattered when she was trying to stop Bella.

it just made the tragedy of how she became a vampire practically null and void, in terms of relavance.

also, her concern for Bella also became null and void come Breaking Dawn.

it became very backwards of her when she was informed of Bella's pregnancy. notice how Rosalie is the ONLY ONE in the house who was accepting and encouraging of Bella's pregnancy. not even ALICE was about it, and Carlisle made it clear Bella was dying.

Rosalie only fought for Bella when Bella was pregnant. this was so that Rosalie could vicariously love her fantasy of motherhood through Bella.

so you mean to tell me that she wants Bella to preserve her humanity and to also realize she's giving so much up that she can never get back... and that Rosalie also went through a horribly traumatic event that changed her life forever (literally) and made her hate Bella through jealousy... but she doesn't quite care as long as Bella pops that baby out before she croaks?

it's ugly, it's demeaning, and it's just downright sad. Rosalie could've been a lot different had she been given the room to address and cope with her trauma properly, and she wasn't turned pro-life only when it suited her...

additionally, she gets another negative from me because she told Edward about Alice's cliff jump vision concerning Bella, despite knowing no information over it. that was idiotic on her part, because she had no idea what Alice found and she should've just left it to lie until Alice could confirm what happened. so, like someone else I'm gonna mention on this list, she's part of why the Volturi demand Bella be changed. so yes... sorry Rosie, ya kinda fucked up on your own mission.

also I feel like she would've voted for Trump, oops.

Jasper

he was a Confederate soldier.

Edward

this... this boy.

listen, I honestly like Edward in some ways. I don't mean he's my fave. this boy needs work. but out of all of them, Edward is admittedly the best. but don't think that's also a feat. the bar is very low here.

firstly, I would say my biggest issue with Edward is just... this boy needs antidepressants. lord. eat someone with a Zoloft prescription, idk.

Edward is stuck in this weird state of "I wanna die, but this girl makes my dick too hard for me to." fr. this guy hates his life and yet he wants to live forever with Bella at the same time? I don't get it.

also, boundaries. this man doesn't have them. he doesn't know what they are. which makes sense because he was dying of the Spanish flu and I KNOW this boy didn't social distance or wash his hands... time period doesn't matter, I just know he was nasty and probably didn't wash his ass cheeks ever...

I don't understand how he can simultaneously be like "I wanna bite Bella" to "I gotta watch this bitch sleep" and "I'm gonna sit h her after I break up with her in the woods." it's like he's so obsessed with Bella one moment, and then he hates her the next. one moment he's watching her sleep and disabling her truck so she can't see Jacob, and the next he's killing himself in Italy... men.

that all being said, apart from his juxtaposing outlook on his existence, I just don't really find Edward personally interesting. everything that you could say about Edward being interesting or desirable is literally down to his vampirism. beauty, wealth, mind-reading, appeal, power, abilities, etc.

without being a vampire, Edward has no substance to him aside from being depressed and into celibacy. my man's was literally abstinent WHILE IMMORTAL BRO. no-nut-for-ever challenge guys?

still, that being said, I wish Edward would've fought against his instincts and left Bella alone. he literally changed this girl's life for FOREVER over knowing her for about 2 years or so.

she was 16-17 when she met Edward. she was a kid, for one, but she isn't emotionally capable of thinking things like this through. you're gonna be impulsive and selfish at that age, bc you can't quite wrap your head around things such as this.

if Edward showed more control and concern for Bella (aside from just making sure she wasn't hurt/dead), and he actually stuck to his guns about not turning or marrying Bella, I would root for him more. but he can't control himself, and in turn, caused a LOT of problems.

still, he had more self-control than Bella or Jacob, so kudos bro. I mean, he legit let them kiss in front of him, EVEN WHEN HE WAS ENGAGED TO BELLA. and he never held any true resentment to Jacob trying to steal his girl, aside from when he kisses Bella without her consent.

he did always let Bella know he didn't have to be her choice, I'll give him that, too.

but more than anything we're so lucky Rob played him...

Jacob

this little bastard.

I heavily dislike Jacob. no, I'm not team Edward. no, it's not because I prefer vampires. (I prefer werewolves but I am a monster-f*cker at heart, so it's like going to Kroger and shopping for me okay—)

I dislike Jacob because of very specific reasons. and overall, Jacob is a horrible character.

I'll first start w his flaws and then the flaws done to him as a character by Steph.

firstly, Jacob is toxic ASF. the only reason Bella and the audience liked Jacob was for the fact he's hot to them (and maybe some get off on the fact he's a werewolf). but take away his wolf form and 6 pack, and what are you really left with?

I would've loved to see Twilight Jacob continue through the series. he seemed sweet, humorous, and just down to earth and enjoyable. the first Jacob Black we see is the best Jacob Black, and unfortunately, he's nowhere to be found come New Moon.

I get that werewolves apparently have anger management issues, but does that really give Jacob the right to be the dick that he is? I say this because Jacob is unnecessarily aggressive, or just overall an asshole to even Bella when he doesn't get his way.

he's childish, immature, and is honestly the type of person who puts you in therapy because of what they do to you. and you may bring up that he's 16 come NM, but that's why losing how he was originally is that much worse. the first Jacob Black we see would probably hate what he's become in NM and then on. I mean, he threatens to Kermit if Bella doesn't get with him... that's low ASF.

one of my biggest pet peeves is how Jacob blames Edward for what happens to Bella, but in reality, it's his fault.

as I mentioned with Rosalie, in NM, when Alice comes to investigate her visions over Bella jumping off a cliff, when Edward rings the Swan residence, Jacob fucks up.

while Jacob wasn't lying about Charlie dealing with funeral arrangements (as our good boy Harry Clearwater died bc of Victoria giving him cardiac arrest), he refused to give Bella the phone when Edward called, meaning that Edward got the stark impression that Bella died.

because of this, the whole mess in Italy with the Volturi happens, and this is the main reason Bella is set to become a vampire (pregnancy aside). so Jacob can rage at Edward the Bloodsucker all he wants— his little asshole moment led to the Volturi know about Bella and set her fate then.

Jacob is just so pointlessly possessive over Bella, and also acts like her being with him is the only way she can stay human. which, is fucking absurd. Bella could date a rando guy who works at Subway and could still achieve the same goal. :/

still, he resents Bella burning turned into a vampire, and this 16yr old is trying so hard to convince this 18yr old that he has what she needs and he can give her the perfect life when he hasn't even graduated high school yet. fucking oof.

his posturing, attitude, and disrespect for Bella's choices are obvious. while I have my reservations about Bella, Jacob NEVER respected her choosing to be with Edward, and as a result, that she wanted to be a vampire too. it was personal to him, which is stupid, because it has nothing to do with him whatsoever. he can say there's a treaty all he wants, in the end, it isn't up to him.

he reacts far too impulsively and without sense, too. defying Sam and not even really trying to become an alpha despite it being implied by himself and others that he should do so? being in his feels and transforming into a wolf to cry about Bella, and nearly causing an accident where 2 humans see him? this boy dumb.

but more than anything... MORE THAN FUCKING ANYTHING—

you know what I'm about to say. you've read the books. you've seen the films. you know his biggest sin.

what is so bad it's worth another TW.

this man...

A CHILD.

A NEWBORN.

there isn't an English language that can properly describe the immense, negative emotion I've always felt for this fucking guy wanting to bang a fucking baby!

thing is, I think I know why it happened, and I'm not sure if it makes the whole thing worse or not.

so, my guess for this horrific pairing to have happened goes to a few key things:

despite teasing Jacob as competition to Edward, we all knew Bella was never going to choose him— this is why Bella isn't his mate to begin with. and so, Steph had to come up with someone "worthy" of being Jacob's love interest/mate.

Steph needed a good enough reason for the wolf pack not to kill Renesmée.

notice how the "we can't kill a wolf's mate" law ONLY becomes a thing once Jacob has imprinted on the infant and the pack comes to kill her. not even when Leah was out through the ringer over Sam was it mentioned that wolves cannot kill another's mate.

but what pisses me off most?

why is it that not killing another wolf's mate is their FIRST law, and per the film itself: means it's the most important law they cannot break?

kinda funny that ya say that, because when has a wolf's mate ever been something the pack has wanted to kill before now? that's so oddly specific...

because you would think a first and most unbreakable rule would be something akin to "don't let humans know about us," or "you cannot kill anything other than a vampire that kills humans." 🤔

this was obviously all a rouse to give Renesmée protection from the wolf pack that wants her dead, while also conveniently giving a "reason" for Bella's attraction to Jacob.

that's dumb for one main reason: Jacob getting with Bella would have prevented Renesmée from being born.

additionally, by that logic... he would've been attracted to his first kid with Bella. 😬

so yeah, I call bullshit.

so this disgusting shit happened for a plot hole Steph didn't know how to fix otherwise. and quite frankly, I wish she just would've left it open.

also, as for Jacob, there really is nothing more to him. his biggest impact was to make Bella an even hotter piece of meat on the market, and to give Steph a reason to not let the werewolves kill Bella and Edward's monster baby.

please get him into dog training as soon as possible. 💛

Bella

ah. Bella.

this... this is what I've been waiting for the most. THIS BITCH.

while part of her fault is really just poor writing, I genuinely don't like Bella as a character, and quite frankly, she deserves the worst our of everyone in the films. lemme explain.

while Renée isn't her fault, Bella is the worst person out of all the characters.

not only is she a poorly fledged out character, she makes me want to ram my head into a wall with our disastrous this girl is.

but first, I'mma tell you where Steph fucked up with her character design:

being clumsy isn't a personality

being clumsy isn't the only trait a character can have

being clumsy isn't something you can use to write off her being turned into a lunchable in a ballet studio or whatever else happens to this bitch

the only thing I like about Bella is her truck, really

who dressed her and why did they decide only to give her tasteful clothes once she became a vampire? like this bitch went from Plato's closet to Gucci, my guy 😑

being from Arizona is not a personality trait

saying she hates "any wet, slimy thing" and the weather of forks isn't cute when you say she loves the sun so much bc she would either burn to a crisp or would somehow accidentally eat sunscreen bc she's clumsy 🤪

she is perfect immediately after the bite and Steph was really like "she was made to be a vampire bc now she isn't clumsy and look she perfect" I think not bestie

what were her aspirations? her hobbies? what did she like to do aside from think about Edward or run after boys? what about her isn't just loving Edward and running after boys??? who IS SHE!?

a small potted cactus is not a personality trait

that cactus probably died, fuck

this was low-key Steph's personalized self-insert story and I'm scared

if Kristen Stewart didn't play Bella, what would she even have to offer to anyone?

she was made into an underage high schooler for this love story akxnakxnjsnd

how did she pass high school during all this ON GOD

it is impossible for other women to like her unless they aren't competition (her mom, Esmé, Alice, Angela. that's literally it.)

designed to be the boy toy but really WHAT IS SO SPECIAL ABOUT HER!?

so aside from stark design flaws that get us on a bad foot...

I want to address how Bella acts.

I personally HATE how Bella acts. minus the less than stellar acting (I do understand that Kristen was given poor instructions for Bella), how Bella goes about her life and its situations is enough for me to rip my hair out.

I understand she's 16 when we first see her but oh my god? Bella is just a melting pot of issues.

obtuse yet fucking on point. she doesn't know what Jacob is at first but then BANG BOOM EPIPHANY SHE FIGURES IT OUT THROUGH INTERPRETIVE MENTAL DANCE AND GOOGLE. she will go "what" one second and then knows what skeleton is in your closet the next.

pretends to be selfless but is entirely selfish. I cannot think of one thing Bella does, even for other people, that isn't personally motivated. seriously. having Renesmée despite it killing her and making Edward upset? it's because she wanted their baby no matter what. she hangs out with Jacob and gets really close to him? it's all because he offers a distraction from Edward. it all boils down to what she wants.

she doesn't give a shit about her friends. while some are less than stellar, her high school friends from Forks are legit ornaments in her life. they are honestly not close at all, and there's not enough scenes in the movie to show a good bind between Bella and her friends. in fact, EVERY SCENE with her friends is infiltrated by Edward or Jacob in some fucking way.

in particular, I wanna mention 2 specific moments this happened: 1) Bella invites herself to dress shop with Jessica and Angela, but only does so to get the opportunity to ditch them and go to the library to get a book she thinks will give her answers about Edward. 2) when Mike asks Bella out on a date in NM, Bella accepts and then PURPOSEFULLY invites everyone else and Jacob to it. despite them cancelling (with Angela and Eric dealing with a stomach bug and then Jessica just not even bothering to show up), Mike tries to stick the movie out with Bella despite Jacob being a dick to him. then, Mike gets horrifically sick at some point during the film, and disappears to thr*w up. it's not easy to say how long he was gone, but going by the audio, the movie had started, so I'm guessing this happened maybe halfway through or so. this means Mike was thr*wing up in the bathroom for 30min or more and BELLA NEVER CHECKED ON HIM. she stayed and watched the movie with Jacob and then just has a whole scene with Jacob about how she's broken and she can't be the same after Edward, boohoo. poor Mike shows up sick as hell and when Jacob SNAPS on him (yes, wolf incoming I know), Bella only really shows concern for Jacob during that moment. so yeah, fuck you, Mike!

Bella didn't care about Charlie. as much as she pretends to be concerned about her dad, Bella constantly destroyed and hurt her father by her actions. I get some of it was purposeful to get her dad away from her, but I agree with Edward in the fact that she didn't have to go that far to leave. she harmed her dad for no fucking reason, all the time. all Charlie ever did was TRY for Bella. he got her a car, he asks her how she's doing, asks her if she wants to spend more time with him, asks her what he can do to fix things... I HATE how Bella treated Charlie. and she goes off and hurts him more when she's pregnant with Renesmée and after she's bitten. I'm happy, for Charlie, that Bella was able to control her thirst as she was, but I've mentioned this was too much, and shouldn't have been a thing. everyone said it was going to be. and if Bella wasn't just magically amazing at being a vamp, then Charlie NEVER would've seen her again. but hey, doesn't matter bc you're horny for vampirism and Edward, right?

as mentioned above, I hate how Bella has practically NO consequences for her actions. any of them. she doesn't really injure herself when being reckless in NM. her friends never cut her off for her behavior and pretty much just treating them like background noise all the time. the Volturi and Bella trying to one up them as a human when trying to protect Edward. Bella's pregnancy. Bella's vampirism. so much that should've gone wrong or should've had lasting problems for her, and nothing! NOTHING! fucking club penguin held me more accountable than Steph did this bitch!

her trying to get with Jacob. oh my god. OH MY GOD. I don't care about Renesmée having a connection— I already explained that Bella getting with Jacob would actively go against this as well as possibly making their first child Jacob's mate. like BRO. any hoot, my biggest beef is that this girl needs to make up her damn mind. and her reasons for even seeking after Jacob were so fucking selfish, too. she legit got this boy to fall so deeply in love with her just to be hot and cold when we know she ain't ever gonna choose him. Jacob was an emotional Aleve for Edward and nothing more. but to see her be so up in his shit was annoying and just made her less likeable. this isn't soft or hard taco shells, you cannot have both tf.

this deserves it's own notation: Bella kissing Jacob DESPITE Jacob just finding out she's engaged to Edward

the fact that Bella is so desperate for Edward to bite her bc at 17 she thinks she has to be bitten RIGHT NOW or she's gonna instantly turn 70 and has to deal with hip pains as Edward wrecks the badussy

ONCE AGAIN BELLA GOING TO THE WILDFLOWER CLEARING IN WINTER AND BEING UPSET THE FLOWERS ARE DEAD ITS FUCKING WINTER NOT YOUR EX—

either indirectly or purposefully puts herself in harm's way ALL THE FECKEN TIME like I need her in Nerf armor or something idfk anymore. she literally always on the verge of being killed.

but now, for the biggest sin of all...

as I mentioned before, I hate when a character's trauma is not respected, and Bella? well she done did the worst thing...

she used Rosalie's trauma and desires to get what she wanted.

notice how, when Bella finds out Edward is not happy about the pregnancy (well, she doesn't even know if she's even pregnant at this point, so that's kind of ridiculous), she immediately calls Rosalie.

this is because Bella knows she can manipulate Rosalie into protecting and siding with her on the pregnancy.

Rosalie confided in her about her desire for motherhood, and so Bella took great advantage of that in the end, and I can't fucking stand her for it.

the saddest part is, she's your main character. you don't want to have a main character that makes so little sense as well as them becoming a bad person when that isn't the intention whatsoever. Bella is intended to be likeable or relatable, but she fucking isn't.

she's acts like she's always trying to get her next fix by any means necessary. she is driven by greed and lust, fucking literally, to do everything as she does. it's like watching someone live out their darker fantasies and how Bella is pretty much insatiable despite getting everything she wants and more.

here's the synopsis of the twilight saga bro:

abandoned by mom, Bella starts highschool in a place that isn't warm sunny, ew! but it's okay guys immediately like her but she doesn't like them bc gross. but the one guy, Edward, is cute and mysterious, so she figures him out in like 10 minutes. nearly dies, twice, bc if a van and an H&M model. Edward has to drink her blood like she's a Gogurt tube and bc she's clumsy she can wake up in a hospital and all is well. she isn't afraid by her near death in fact she's even more obsessed w Edward and vampirism. by the end of twilight, she got Edward, but she wants him to change her. Edward is like not rn bitch you're still not legal. 😩

new moon: surprise, Edward still doesn't want to change Bella, and after Jasper nearly goes after her, he leaves Bella in an attempt to protect her. Edward is her everything so now she has nothing, and Bella entertains Jacob to try and fill the void. oh cool, he's a dog on the side, AND he can fix a bike. Jacob works pretty good alongside trying to harm herself so she can think of Edward giving a shit about her lol. But in the end, Jacob still isn't Edward, and she can't have Edward die because she loves him and needs him, and so Bella will leave Jacob and then save Edward like a girl in scuffed Converse. but when Edward is faced with consequences for his actions, she has to offer herself as a sacrifice bc Edward cannot die to where he leaves Bella! The Volturi like Bella because she has McAffee installed in her brain and her firewall makes her.immune to shit, so they're like dope, change the bitch eventually Edward. And ofc Bella loves this because this is what she has been asking for. Sorry I ran away again and hurt you charlie, oops. she tells Edward she gonna be plotting her bite day like Tolkien novel.

eclipse: bite day is planned but OH NO Bella is still human and white so she is gonna curdle in the next 20 seconds if Edward doesn't bite her! she has to apply pressure otherwise she's gonna apply for AARP!!! Bella has to figure out a way to tell Edward she gotta be a vamp now otherwise she can never be a vamp and that would be sad, rawr. XD Oh victoria is a thing and she's made a lil baby army aside from being recast during her time being MIA. it goes as well as you could think it does and really nothing else really happens aside from Bella begging Edward to bite her already while they posture over her like hormonal peacocks.

breaking dawn part 1: she's graduated which means wedding and bite day! holla. she has her Polly pocket wedding but is so ready to be a vamp!!! but first honeymoon and her birds being met by Edward's bees! what's that? she missed her period? HAS TO BE PREGNANT!!!! ROSALIE HONEY— end up being this parasitic type thing and like wowza she looks like a spirit Halloween prop, but it's okay because BABY and she needs it born. she tries to drink blood and her baby snaps her spine like a stale loaf of french bread. rip. Edward successfully gets the baby out of Bella like pulling treats out of a dog's mouth and then he bites her all over the place because Bella was cosplaying the crypt keeper, and now we wait for her to change... BOOM SHE IS A VAMP AS SHE WANTED.

breaking dawn part 2: Bella is a vamp and she is beautiful and no longer clumsy and HA SHE TOLD YA SHE IS GREAT but she also has a weird daughter and Jacob may call her Nessie, but he can protect her from the werewolf pack and THE FBI when they find out what he's doing!!! but wait, the vampire FBI has heard about the kid and now y'all gotta prove she's your daughter like proving to a college board that you didn't plagiarize. you even have to find another vampire human thing and present them your evidence after making us think half of you died 30 seconds ago. but it's okay it all ends well bc Alice is a baddie so now Bella can have her baby, her hubby, and a life that never ends with either of them! she will always be beautiful and rich and hot and important and sexy and skilled and bootylicious and THE END! 🤪

honestly wish Edward just woulda let the van keep going. would've spared me a lot of pain and typing. oof.

anyways, that it! hope y'all enjoyed. :)

[redxblueihateloveyou]

now we know your opinions abt victuri, but what about the other pairing, otayuri?

their sequence was very cute, not gonna lie and you know I am indeed a huge fan of “I’m so good at approaching a cat” ships, but this was like ep 10 out of 12. 

like once again I can see good potential in some couples and get why ppl think they can be good together, but I can’t get mega invested in a couple bc of  a couple scenes, especially when I don’t know anything about one of the characters. just like as I see potential in some ships, but can easily drop if they don’t have any development at all.

it just always amazes me, I don’t know how some do it and what is the reasoning for this, but I’ve seen it a lot in many popular fandoms like bnha, haikyuu and free! too, when some pick some character that appeared like two times during the whole story or did basically nothing, but there are ppl who are like “fuuuuck he’s my absolute fave in bnha” and I’m like sitting there like “ah, and the pivotal point in this was the shot of his right pinky in ep 17 and his background shot in chapter 251 of the manga?”. lol well, I’m exagerating here, but you know what I mean.

like how I saw a comment under the new free! trailer that was “you have no idea how happy I am about the fact that I’d get to see kisumi again”..  like I like kisumi, but he’s not even a full on character there tbh, he’s mostly a comedic relief. but you see, as they say “there are a great many opinions in this world... (the end of this tho “and a good half of them are professed by people who have never been in trouble” lmao). like some are gonna watch the last chapter of free! for kisumi, to each their own.

like I’ve seen ppl making amvs about nash from knb and a chocolate commercial and I’m like “I wish I could get inspiration that easy”, bc I’m sitting here like with a giant list of things I want in a ship and characters that’d make me open sony vegas lol

some think the best ship is a ship you have almost no canonical material about. and yes, I know the song “in canon they have never met, but I don’t care, I ship it”, and I've seen ships whose some scenes I find cute and think “yeah, it could’ve been great if it was explored”, but I’ll just watch it and move on, that’s all. I do not get how you can get SOOOOOO invested into smth that doesn’t really exist with the characters who weren’t even explored. 

so with characters like otabek like from these 10 minutes he was in the anime and the tiny “madness” comic, you can only go so far in predicting what kind of person he is. so where ppl get this asdfghjhgfds this suddenly got me inspired to write a 100K fic about them, it’s truly fascinating to me. I just don’t think really it counts as a fic about THEM per se, it’s much closer to the yuri/original character. all that they gave you is a guy who wanted to be friends with yuri supposedly for the fact that he’s purposeful and inspiring which is great and amazing start for a good ship, totally get him, but then I don’t know him.

like once again in fanfiction you can do technically whatever you want, but it’s just funny to me like when ppl are writing fics about some characters who they don’t know nothing about, I’m like.. why not just write an original book and sell it instead, I mean, bc it’s basically your character already, for real. just change the name and make some money instead lolz. like some fanfiction is more of a just fiction really, bc there are some fics, you can really just change names and you won’t even get who it was supposed to be.

I do kinda have different type of ships: those I find cute, but sometimes tend to even forget about them after watching smth (so basically whatever, but I enjoyed it while watching tho), then ships I liked enough that they made me want to vid them; then if I want to do a manip vid about a ship, I like them a lot; if I vid them more than once, I’m probably in love with them xD And if it’s stuff like my harurin playlist that contains 15 vids and wangxian 13, that’s probably means I’m obsessed lmao. that’s all. 

so otayuri goes to the 1st category to me, I guess, I enjoyed their couple interactions, yes, it’s a good start for ship, yes, do they have enough stuff to make me care a lot? unfortunatly, no. they did for sure make this episode pleasant to watch tho for me, not gonna lie xD for a moment I was like “yeah, yeah, okay continue pls”, but then I was like “ah, I forgot, that its not about it and it’s like second to the last episode” lmao

[immortalfornow]

ask game!

I was tagged by @fandomfishbish, my very cool mutual (thanks, by the way! this was fun and your answers were interesting!). The rules are pretty simple: answer 30 questions, tag some people you’d like to get to know better (it’s supposed to be 20 but I am pretty new to tumblr so I probably won’t tag very many)

Name/Nickname: I go by Jordyn on the internet bc there are creeps and my real name is unique enough that putting it out there makes me nervous lol

Gender: hmm...good question. afab but going through a gender crisis lately so ???? I use she/her pronouns for now though

Star sign: scorpio :) I promise I’m not evil though haha

Height: 5′5 and I’m proud of it bc I am taller than my mom which means I am a GIANT

Time: I am in pacific standard time

Birthday: November 17!

Favorite bands: oh no I listen to so many bands I could not tell you my favorite to save my life. top 3 rn are probably mother mother, twenty one pilots, and idkhow but that will probably different by tommorow morning so don’t quote me on it

Favorite solo artist: erm probably the narcissist cookbook but there’s so many good artists idk

Song stuck in my head: all of them all the time lol

Last movie: the brainwashing of my dad. it’s a documentary on amazon prime about how the right hooks regular people and radicalizes them. it was really interesting!

Last show: atla, I think. I’m tryna watch it all so I can watch legend of korra

When did I create this blog: err sometime in late 2020 I think. I was on here earlier, but I deleted my old blog a couple years ago and 2020 just got too boring so I came back and started over and now I have this tiny lil blog

What do I post: mostly just random reblogs. a lot of stuff from podcasts, but it’s honestly just whatever I think is cool and that shifts around a lot

Last thing I googled: auskbdhieulrp my mom was convinced that there was a song called what’s up supercat so I spent half an hour trying to find that only to come to the unfortunate realization that it was actually a song called what’s new pussycat that is much less cool than she remembered and not very good at all

Do I get asks: not really bc I have very few followers but oh well

Why I chose my url: it’s my url on another site and I wanted something easy to remember lol

How many blogs do I follow: 77 bc I haven’t properly re-explored tumblr yet

How many followers I have: it’s a secret hehe

Average hours of sleep: swings wildly between 2 hours and 9

Lucky number: hmm idk but my favorite number is 9 bc it’s 3 cubed and that’s just neat

Instruments: I used to be able to play viola and clarinet but it’s been a while. I’m trying to teach myself piano right now though

What am I wearing: jeans and a black shirt bc today has been A Day

Dream job: I’d like to be a therapist and a photographer on the side. landscape photography is my little pipe dream I’ve had for ages, but I also really want to help people!

Dream trip: I have no idea!!!! I haven’t really been able to travel much so going literally anywhere would make me happy, I think

Last book I read: A horrible romance novel that my sister is really into lol

Favorite food: hmm there’s too many options

Nationality: American, unfortunately

Favorite song: hmm right now probably that bitch by bea miller bc it’s just very good and I love angry women haha

Top three fictional universes: again, my likes shift rapidly so don’t quote me on this later lol. but probably star trek would be one just bc there’s just so much possible and I think that’s really cool (though I haven’t watched a ton of it), the dndads universe bc it brings me comfort, and (assuming I can pick a game, which I have decided I can) the subnautica universe bc there’s so much to explore and its lore is so interesting. minecraft almost beat subnautica just bc I know so much random stuff about it (especially considering that I don’t really play it), but subnautica is so pretty that I had to put it on the list

What is something you like about yourself? I like how curious and open minded I am about the world. I think it enriches my life and the life of people around me, and it’s a good trait to have.

hmmm I have absolutely no idea who to tag bc I don’t know a lot of people on here. definitely @soresorelungs, bc idk much about you but you seem cool (no pressure though! you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to!). other than that, anyone who sees this and wants to do it can say I tagged them :)