#but maybe ill leave it up as a lil memory

[cosmicwafflemam]

Feeling stars

Texture-glitch-esque version

[esouliie]

- TEARS ON THE GRAND PIANO

– pairing: wanda maximoff x fem!reader (mini series)

– synopsis: moving on from the only person you’ve ever loved is proving to be hard… so hard that hiring an escort seems to be the only way forward.

– warnings: a lil angst and comfort to start us off, welcome to the prologue, hope you enjoy!

2ND AUGUST 2016

All is quiet in the compound.

In the middle of the night, you find yourself seated at your piano, bathed in the soft glow of a single lamp. Your fingers move wearily across the keys, trying to breathe life into the notes of a song that has been evolving in your mind since the day you met Wanda.

The melody is your escape, a sanctuary from the weight of the Sokovian Accords and the chaos that seems to envelop your world.

Exhaustion clings to you like a heavy cloak, but the song demands to be finished. Each note is a release, a fragment of emotion woven into the fabric of the music.

Ever since that ill-fated mission in Lagos, the Avengers' world has been turned upside down. The compound, once a haven of camaraderie, now echoes with the tension born of differing opinions on the Accords. It's torn your makeshift family apart, leaving you grappling with your own stance on the matter.

It is expected of you as a super-powered member and also as the reason for Lagos being a failure. The plan had gone awry, and in the chaos, you deviated from the carefully laid out strategy. Overwhelmed by the enemy, your powers were not enough. It was Wanda who came to your rescue, a selfless act that saved your life but led to a devastating consequence.

The explosion in the building, full of innocent people, sat solid on your conscience. And now the weight of responsibility hangs heavy on your shoulders as you try to find solace in the music you create. The piano, an old friend, is both a refuge and a confidant in these trying times.

You're so engrossed in your composition that you fail to notice the subtle creak of the door as Wanda steps into the room, her silhouette framed by the dim light.

She watches you for a moment, concern etched on her face.

“Why are you still awake?" she asks, her voice soft and filled with genuine worry.

You don't immediately respond, caught in the grip of your creative trance.

"Couldn't sleep," you admit, the weariness evident in your voice. "Needed to get this out."

Wanda's gaze softens, understanding the therapeutic power of your music. But her concern doesn't wane.

"And you? Why are you up?" You inquire, curious about the restlessness that brought her into your space.

A hint of sadness crosses her features as she confesses, "I had another nightmare.”

That hasn’t happened in a while, only on a rare occurrence since she started to heal from the events in Sokovia. Her war-torn homeland.

The pain of her brother's death used to haunt her dreams frequently, the agony vivid and raw in her memory. You remember when she first told you how it felt that day, the overwhelming emptiness as she felt her brother’s life slip away as if it were her own.

That was the first time she lost control of her powers.

A surge of empathy washes over you, and you instinctively reach out to touch her hand.

"I'm sorry.” You whisper, your own exhaustion momentarily forgotten.

She manages a small smile, her eyes lighting up.

“Well, I was thinking," she begins, her tone almost conspiratorial, "maybe you could come sleep in my room tonight. You know, like a sleepover?”

You can't resist the charming plea in her eyes, even though you know it’s all fake. Laced with fear of falling asleep just to end up back in another nightmare.

Usually, the sleepover ends with her clinging onto you tightly, whatever movie you both decided on long forgotten, as she sleeps peacefully. The nightmares suddenly gone as soon as you're around.

“Alright." You agree, setting aside your messy sheets. "Lead the way, m’lady."

The piano sits in silent anticipation as you follow Wanda out of the room, leaving the notes hanging in the air.

Later into the night, you both settle into her bed, the warmth of shared dreams replace the chill of nightmares. Wrapped in the comfort of each other's presence, you both drift into a peaceful sleep, leaving the half-finished melody to linger in the stillness of the night and challenges that await with the morning sun.

That was the last time you slept with Wanda.

[gutziez]

so. this is something I've wanted to say for months

im not really who i am for fucks sake half the time I don't know who I am its become way too blurred and I'm gonna share my past here and everything I've done so I have many points but one has been clawing at my from the inside like its trying to rip my throat to pieces from the inside of my esophagus Cassie and Ruby aren't dead they were never even real Cassie and Ruby are a projection of who I wish I knew who I wish I had for a friend but I got bored of them and killed them off in my mind and socially I'm very sorry faye but Cassie wasn't real she was a character she was someone I wanted to relate to I have no one but the people online even then I left Ares and Tame because I thought they'd judge me over fucking fictional characters and I was bored I wanted something to happen so I killed them I faked Ruby overdosing I faked Cassie stabbing herself its fake they aren't real they cant be dead because they never existed I'm sorry Faye I didn't want to make YOU hurt but you were just so close to me and its a sick form of entertainment at this point. Im too into the idea of human emotion and action and I hurt you with it. now for the other piece of this I'm sorry to literally everyone I've come into contact with I'm a lot of drama because I seek drama I just want some fucking emotion in my life and I create lies and more lies but those lies start to feel true I don't even know which parts of my life are real did he actually rape me did I actually get groomed for sex trafficking did he actually tell me I'd never be his son I don't know what's going on I'm losing memory and sense of self I cant do this shit ive gone through blog and blog and blog delete the old account and go to a new one I've gone by so many names Ace Star Azalea Ollie Oliver Aspen I don't even know if I can count them all I'm thinking about changing it again for fucks sake but I cant because he'll judge me and refuse to call me by my chosen name because of how fluid I feel about myself is I don't even know if Nyx or Evelyn exist anymore I cant and no please just please don't forgive me call me a piece of shit degrade me for what I've done for all of the people I've hurt by clicking the fucking delete button by lying by being a piece of living trash please Faye just call me the worse thing you can think of and move on from me I don't see a point in my life anymore and if you forgive me I'll end up hurting you more just let yourself leave. I would say I love you but I'm a fucking monster I'm horrible why would I fake someones existence and then make them die just to feel something I'm not okay not to mention the amount of other people I've put through stuff just for the sake of attention and drama

im a stupid fucking attention whore

im sorry Aster too I think I ended up faking my death or I just left silently I think I went by Ace or Ollie I don't remember it was like a year ago maybe less I'm sorry for that I wish you the best don't forgive me please I shouldn't be forgiven

i love everyone but I'm also a piece of shit Ill leave my account up for a little while so everyone can get their "kill yourself"s out I will be listening to the messages tell me to relapse and die

@f4y3w00d5 @amethyst-aster @lils-ki @tameable50

i don't remember the others ive hurt the most but you could at least show others so they can point and laugh

[cloudysunflowr]

Hello! Sorry if this has already been asked, but for the Deity AU: What's the storyline? Like when do certain things (that you are comfortable with sharing) transpire? I'm kinda new, so I'm just trying to find out what I can to catch up to everyone else who has been here. But besides that, I hope you have a wonderfully lovely day/night! :] (Also, I love your art and au's, there so fun!)

Hi hi!

Their story is mainly left untold— Like— I like to draw them for comfort and fun and dont really plan to write it out? Like— as in fully.

I do have a story with an ending tho and its mainly dealing with Wally and my oc Aiden.

Ill put it here since like I said I dont really plan to write it fully. Also their playlist which is where the story goes chronologically! :oD

The playlist

Ok oof-

Here goes—

This is gonna be me REALLY COMPACTING IT AS MUCH AS I CAN

So like… spoilers ig????

Aiden is the son of a chief/king? He wants to grow up and be as revered as his father. His friend of childhood is from a rival place and his name is Dante.

Aiden is trans and his dad doesnt really have faith but thanks to his mom and Frank (who he meets as a kid) he gets trained up and finally accepted in to the army.

Aiden and Dante find out their homes are at war and are like “nooo dont fight haha” and their parents are like “yea? Political marriage” and theyre like “shit”

So they become engaged, Dante has a small crush on Aiden so hes not that mad, Aiden doesnt want it. Their parents still plan to fight but in a backstab way.

Dad needs a right hand man, doesnt choose Aiden, chooses his rival but soon to be best friend (I dont have a name yet for them).

They go to war, Aidens dad tells him “lol go kill Dante while I kill the dad” Aiden gets told by deity same thing. To kill Dante or blood will be shed from his home. Aiden is about to, cant go through with it. Dante doesnt know.

They still win the battle, marriage is obviously called off. Aidens dad gets help from a witch to head home while Aiden meets Barnaby and gets help handling the witch (her name is Willow).

Dad and Frank get into an argument lmao. Frank is like “I pseudo raised your kid” and dad is like “nuh uh” dad does NOT know hes arguing with a deity. Aiden adult at this point.

Aiden meets Wally. Wally meets his parents and they bond a bit before he leaves after I think a week? Month? Dont remember. Aiden is big sad, bro misses him even tho he almost killed him.

Mom proud of the warrior Aiden became.

Another battle at war. Aiden is finally given the chance to lead a team. Blinds Dantes brother who is a tyrant. Frank and Aiden argue about leaving the guy alive.

Aiden meets Cloud god (lmao)

Dantes dad kills Aidens dad. Best friend saves the remaining crew by getting them tf out of there. They also found out Dantes brother was also killed but Aiden doesnt know if that was his fault.

Aiden meets Mathew after going through Eddies sacred lands or spirits and memory. Finds out mom died too. Aiden says fuck it Im going to be brutal with everyone.

Kills Dantes dad.

Taking care of Camila , his lil sis, and meets Wally again. Lovey lovey again.

Frank is like “bro nah thats a god youre a mortal” Aiden is like “you right” and tries to break up with Wally but Wally is like “Wait no, fuck the rules” and Aiden is like “…touché”

Aiden proposes, they marry

Maybe a kid? Debating.

Dante has a kid.

Dante sends assassins, Aiden kills them. Brutal with his opponents. Sacrifices his men. Goes through mutiny. Howdy like “lol death to your crew”. Best friend dies but also finds out that friend is who killed Dantes blinded brother which led to Aidens dads death.

Aiden tries to break off with Wally again because of everything hes been through he doesnt want that for Wally. Wally is like “Calm down—“

Lovey lovey

Dante has a dream of killing Aiden. Gets his crew for a strike.

Kills Aiden. Aiden says goodbye to his sister as shes taken away to safety as his home burns.

Wally grieving when he finds out

Kills Dante

Camila (adult now) comes back and calms Wally down. Befriends him.

Camila dies of old age.

Wally is learning to deal with grief.

Meets Aiden again as reincarnation.

Continues to love him through reincarnation and reincarnation.

Eventually gives up his divinity to live as mortal with Aiden.

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 155 spoilers n thoughts below cut etc u know the drill

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bug when u lift a rock

i love when he has lil soft smileys like this theyre his best look heehee

THIS IS WHAT MY BRAIN WAS MELTING OVER EARLIER TODAY BTW. IM GOING INSANE

THIS HAD ME SHIVERING . TREMBLING LIKE A WET CAT. "when someone really misses another person... they might meet again here." GHH . HGGGGG AAAAAHHH

ok sorry uh. i dont have much insight this time around im just going insane over it,,, a place that represents happy memories and promises to stay together and yet suho has returned here, unable to hold onto both without the ache of loss bc his parents r gone AAAGGHHHG AA

how cruel how cruel how cruel,,, cruel reminders of what he can never return to,,, WHICH MAKES HIM SAYING "i already met my family." SOOO HEARTACHE TO ME

ok sorry im jumping ahead a bit but yeah suho feeling at home as a frontera and moving forward, beyond the memories and the past,,, im gonna THROW UP what the FUCK

ok bouncing back to some sillies this ep LOL

A MAN ON A FUCKING MISSION 😭 LLOYD U MONSTER HAHAA javier being happy that lloyds back to his motivated self tho makes me so happy WEEHEEHEE

ALSO JAVIER IMMEDIATELY BECOMING SOCMED FAMOUS IS SO FUNNY HAHAHAHA honestly the ppl who r taking pics. so real. me too. i can only imagine how insanely pretty javier would b if he was in our world,,, his protagonist-level good looks are dimensional constants .

i am a little bit confused as to why javier said this considering he was so ready to bring lloyd back at all costs when they first got here? mmm maybe his worries were quelled when they were taking the mountain trail to the tower? im not quite sure,,, maybe i missed smth

ALSO HIS FRIEND OMGGG

IM SO GLAD WE GOT TO SEE HIM AGAIN hes working construction now too!!! wahoo!!! hes still got that face tho lol

OH OH AND THE COP CHASE RIGHT

javier folding the clothes is so silly hes such a good lil guy 😭 vs lloyd just leaving them scattered LMAOOO it was nice of them to leave a note n the gold for the cop guys tho!!

i also liked that the cops kept fucking posing thru out the whole ep HAHAHA ive never seen jjba but its like jjba level posing theyre so silly

AND FINALLY YAA THEY GOT ALL THE MATERIALS SECURED

i rlly liked javiers lil "!!" at the bottom here HEHEHE

so so happy they got the stuff!!!! restoration of fate can SUCK AN EGG THEYRE GONNA BEAT IT!!!! hopefully

afaik theres no telling what the jewel of truth is gonna actually say abt fighting fate,,, or whether or not the jewel will give the answer that easily,,, hopefully it goes smoothly lloyd deserves a break atp 😭😭😭

also how r they gonna put the thing together havent they been flying over the ocean w draggy recently . werent the mermaids tryna figure out who was commanding draggy so that they could sic em for opening that portal to hell 😭 WILL THAT B A PROBLEM? (dont actually answer that)

man oh man milestone achieved but still so much to do for these guys,,,, i wanna put them in a box and contain them and let them have a break they deserve it

ok thats it for now,,, if i start brainrotting again ill prolly post abt it here or on twitter,,, see yall next week!!!!

[tonydaddingham]

im losing my MIND bUT here you go have some thoughts on the second coming

so we start with the below screenshots from the trailer where we have a statue of gabriel close up holding the crucifix, and then the next shot with beelzebub where there is no cross and instead what looks to be a bundle in its arms (i don't think it's a shadow bc it looks too opaque, too human shaped (think voldemort in goblet of fire lmao) AND the lighting from above on the stone would be more illuminated???)

the clue to where this is in the storyline however is that gabriel looks to be dressed in his lighter coloured heaven clothes, so before he loses his memory/flashback?

so this is presumably where gabriel has arrived on earth to retrieve jesus, possibly tucks him into a pristine moving-day cardboard box (i feel like the 'this way up' is both literal in that one shouldnt hold christ upside down as well as being a direction to deliver it to heaven?)

and given that gabriel heralded the birth of jesus in the first place, its perhaps all hinged on gabriel himself that the second coming happens, ergo if they eradicate gabriel, then there's no second coming, and therefore there's no tilting of the scales to favour heaven in the eventual war that will follow

anyway i reckon there must be a tussle with beelzebub or demons in general in the graveyard because then it seems like beelzebub gets discorporated possibly in the graveyard (hence the marker in the opening sequence) and gets temporarily demoted back in hell for losing gabriel/jesus (leaving a power vacuum for shax???)

update: AYOO @goth-maudra had them eagle EYES and spotted this!!!!

WE SEE YOU SHAX 💅

update 18/07: ayo fucking called it???

but gabriel either gets possessed by jesus (see: funny as fuck) or something just generally happens to him in this fight that makes him lose his memory and possibly lose track of the box, so the whole thing gets all messed up and noone knows where jesus has gotten to... but god sends aziraphale a clue (✨✨A cLuE✨✨) to tracking it down, in the shape of the everyday record and the resurrectionist pub address (lmao is jesus in the JUKEBOX???) on a fucking post-it note

or maybe hell had something to do with gabriel losing his memory (shax? idk but that could be the motive for her getting chummy with crowley in the first place) (i promise I'm not hating on shax my beloved but she SCARES me) in an effort to stall the second coming and now they're trying to retrieve and kill goob to forestall it altogether

but what they didnt count on is a smart, fastidious, nosy lil angel boy sticking his oar in and getting there first, and being a good enough person to hide goob in the first place but i disgress

and beelzebub, knowing that there's a retired angel on earth and gabriel might naturally gravitate towards there, infiltrates the bookshop as a wee fly (funny af in the goob clip of him swatting them with books BUT also the fly is like centre placement in beelzebub's character poster... COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT) and feeds this back to shax, so shax gets chummy with the demon that she replaced 👀👀 and tries to get him to turn on aziraphale and pressure him to luring goob out of the shop so hell can get to him, pressing crowley's Jealousy and Possessiveness buttons to her advantage

now idk how i feel about goob getting lost/leaving the shop and aziraphale has to track him down by going to Edinburgh, ill need to ruminate on this more, but crowley saying 'ooooh hell won't like that' and infiltrating (see: strolling blithely into heaven cosplaying bill nighy in love actually) makes me HOPE that he is still fighting the good fight but something is niggling at me as to why he ends up on the throne in hell and NOT in the bookshop when the demon attack is taking place, that makes me think major angst will happen and crowley ends up inadvertently supporting hell in getting goob and preventing the second coming

sigh now i need to go update my episode timeline how the fUCK do i summarise this

[lilpuffyart]

AH SO the silly cotl x stray AU i mentioned my braincells sparked a lil bit so here is so rambling i wrote:

Hmm its mostly an au that kinda follows the stray game? I'm still deciding ngl. So like, I have two lines of thoughts. One that would kinda follow canon. And another one that has Lamb as an outsider and as the last huh living anthro creature that isn't a robot. A lot stays kinda the same between the AUs? The twins are the guardians of the slump. Forneus is that old lady robot that makes clothes. Narinder would be that robot that helps them in the beginning and then betrays them (Blazer). And I'm… really tempted in making Shamura the lil droid (b12) bc I feel that only them would could be a frustrated scientist that lost everything qnd that they couldn't really save their family or couldn't them; in this au ofc fjfjfjfjfjffj

ill probably try to work on a summary thing later tonight? And maybe make a thread of just post here heheheh But yeah, lamb as the last/one of the last "living anthro creatures" falling into their "world" and trying to find a way to leave it, and they end up meeting the other characters Maybe making shamura when they weren't a robot yet, turn all their siblings into robots to try and save them, but ending up not being able to put their consciousness into the robot they build for themself, leaving them alone in that building until someone (lamb) finds them and transfers it into the droid, but given how long it has been, they have no memory of what happened (edited)

okay and one more thought ygthrjewiufrhejdwks shamuras siblings have lost their memories overall, so they dont see each other as siblings at all some are friends and really close like narinder and leshy but thats it when shamure regains their memories, they tell narinder (since he was like the first one that was trying to help lamb) about it, who kinda has an existential crisis over it bc he remembers them and it makes him regret betraying lamb and shamura hrkejoiufied

[cloudjumpervalka]

brain thought stuff

so ive been doing weekly therapy again for the past couple months and as i mentioned before i love my therapist. shes my age and also trans so ? thats great. all my other therapists have been older women that made me explain what being trans/nb is over and over again despite labeling themselves as lgbt friendly therapists lmao

anyway like. im really discovering how ingrained my low self worth is into my brain bc it really did start with my earliest memories and just kept getting into more toxic situations

i was emotionally neglected growing up and bullied k-12 for a plethora of reasons. when i did get my first friendships/relationship, they were like. borderline abusive* (both my therapist and i are hesitant with this word)

i have years of feeling like my self worth is reliant on how unhealthy people view my usefulness to their life?

i need to like. learn how to find myself worthy of just existing. worthy of waking up and being able to, as my therapist said, "breathe, eat, and fuck"

it feels really weird too bc i have spent years feeling like a waste of a person and like. inheritely a horrible person who is too self absorbed to realize it. i know i have made mistakes and could have handled these situations better, but it doesnt define me as a person. i try every day to be a better person for myself and my loved ones and its always weird to hear "well an actually shitty person wouldnt care about getting better" bc i then trick myself into being im one of those assholes utilizing therapy talk to justify my shit behavior

idr why i started this lil vent but like. idk it feels like therapy is working this time. its helping me realize some things, its helping me learn how to not fall into the same patterns (my therapist said im like an addict that cant leave unhealthy situations) , learning where my values lie and how to pick those values out in other people

most importantly tho, shes having me try to not define myself as an artist but rather someone that makes art. i have so much fucked up brain layers over my self worth and it being tied to what i create, i was starting to have like mini breakdowns over not getting enough attention for my work, which shouldnt matter bc i should do work for myself.

ive gone back to sketching in a real sketchbook and not posting a lot of my work bc then i am doing it strictly for myself. but maybe ill post a sketch collection at a later date for fun.

i still want to work on "angelkin" project aka SERAPH. which is an art project i started a yearish ago that is a self biographical look at these most "toxic" relationships and the feelings of devotion/obsession with uh. spoilers: the 3 people in my life that threatened suicide to various degrees/reasons towards me. bigger spoilers, imagine this also being tied in to my own self worth being connected to how well i can be Everything to someone. hence the angel theming

eh whatever, i hope you enjoyed my ted talk bc my lunch break at work is over now LOL

[pondslime]

hey hi someday when u have like ten minutes would u teach me how to write please??? just cause that itty bitty lil snippet you just shared made me physically ill and altered my brain chemistry permanently. if u could just like........sneeze on me......maybe everything will be okay????

dsjhjdsfhjfdshjdfs MEG HOW DARE U SAY THIS WHEN EVERYTHING U WRITE HAS MY BRAIN ON FIRE

just for u, I dredged out the rest of that absolute horrorshow. it's been gathering dust in my docs for months

it's weird speculative fucknonsense like, oh shit!!! boseph and the reader are stuck in a timeloop!!!! an ouroboros of pain and misery!!! it's all v confusing out of context but I definitely.........wrote it jdsfhjhdfsjhdfsj

1. 

"There has to be something wrong with you." Your mother looks at him across the kitchen table. He brought tulips. You can't tell if she's wearing her face or someone else's. 

"There's something wrong with everybody, mama." You've never called her that. Is that your mother? Is that his? You don't remember her hair being that shade, but your memory isn't what it used to be. 

"I hurt her on purpose." Sometimes it seems like he's grown more teeth and they're crowding into his mouth. They've gone sharp again. Wait, look at the flowers on the table. Carnation now. 

"So, you got a brother?"

He has two. Two and you've kissed both of them. You'll do it again. They know what your cunt tastes like. He doesn’t, he tells you. He never will. Because that's a place of rot, of death. But you wake up with a tongue inside you because he's between your legs again, practicing penance.

He must not mind blood. He must not mind decay on his tongue. He must taste his brothers. Maybe he misses them. 

“Where have you been, my love? My sweet girl. You left one day and you never came back.”

And you say 

Mama, I'm sorry, I've just been real busy. 

Busy doing what? Getting hurt? You're growing up, baby. I can't stop you from getting big. No matter what I do, I can’t. 

And you know, you know, because suddenly you're sitting on her side of the table wearing her skin and your son is holding some girl's hand. And she's looking at you and telling you that she hurts him on purpose sometimes. Because he asked her to, he begged her like a slut, and he’s so pretty when he takes himself apart in front of her. She knows what his blood tastes like. She wants more. 

Do you love my baby? Do you have any siblings? Will he leave one day and never come back? 

Do you love me on purpose sometimes or is it always an accident?

2. 

His cum tastes like mercury from a broken thermometer. Oranges with sugar sprinkled over them. Home. Wait. Wrong boy, same face. You got a little confused. It's understandable. You can't help yourself. You want to scoop out your insides and give them to him to eat. He'd do it nicely, if you ask politely. 

There are rules here, gorgeous. We weren’t raised by wolves.

3.

You’re leaning on the pool cue. You look like you did the first day, in your pretty little clothes, the flush of health in your cheeks. In this dream, you reached Baton Rouge. He meets you here. He’ll always meet you here. This is his favorite bar. He’s always here, he’s a regular.

“Need a partner?”

“Don’t know.” You wink at him. “Are you okay with losing?”

“Feisty.”

“This time, yeah.” You smile at him. You’ve got lipstick on. He wants to smear it down your chin. 

4.

“Why did you do that?” Your voice is small, gurgled around the blood on your teeth. He likes the way the crown of your head is wet with blood. 

“Why you think?” He stands in the doorway to the basement. You’re in the chair and you’re dead, but so is he. 

“Tell me, please. Tell me.” You hiss. “I love your voice.”

“I missed ya’.” He hears the words echo in his head, fifty feet high in neon. 

“I thought I would give it a try again, you know.” Your voice is a dirty croak. “Just to see.”

“And whatchu find out?”

“We always end up back here.” You smile at him. “You took a different road this time. I haven’t been there in a while.”

“Didn’t notice.”

“You know, we got a hotel room up in the city once. I made you buy me wine.”

“Sounds nice.”

“I was hoping this was the one where we walked on the boardwalk. Before.” His initials trickle down your arm. “I don’t know why.”

“How many times we been down here?”

“Couple times." You hiccup out a laugh. "I like your shirt. You look good.”

“Night, baby.”

5.

He's fucked you or you've fucked him. He's not sure where the ache is coming from or where it's all supposed to go but someone can't sit down. There's a bag of peas in the fridge. 

6.

You’re a tableau of gore, blood soaked through your nightgown. Your head sloshes unevenly on your shoulders. He can see the window through the shotgun blast in your eye. It’s dark out there. You clasp your hands and hum, busying yourself with the stove. You leave muddy footprints on the floor, the bottom of your nightgown sodden. 

He sinks to his knees in the kitchen. You thread a hand through his hair, tugging his head up to look at you. Dripping with murky water, leaving parts of you everywhere. 

“Where are we?”

“Heaven.” You smile at him. Blood drips onto his face. 

“How long we been here?”

“I’m not sure.”

Are you cooking tonight, baby? Are we having peas, am I having you, down my throat and inside me and in my blood? Are we going to bed again or are we going to church? There’s a hole in your head and I’ll fuck it. I’ll fill you up because you love me. Because we’re having a baby, mama. We’re having a baby! I’m gonna be a daddy. You’re sitting in the waiting room and you’ve had the baby and I’m showing you pictures of him at baseball practice. What are you making? Let me help. Please. 

“You ain’t never gonna get tired of this?”

“Of course not. Never. I love you.”

7. 

You sit in an apartment living room. There’s Halloween decorations still up—it’s May, isn’t it? and a collection of half-eaten takeout boxes on the coffee table. Lazy fucks. You can hear the city outside the window. Where are you again? Does it matter? You look into the bedroom. They’re playing a card game. 

“Lick your partner's boot, yay or nay?” 

“Gross. Nay.” The version of you on the bed wrinkles her nose. “Question time. Where did we meet?”

“Uh. Huh…uh.” The him on the bed screws up his brow, sticks his tongue out in mock-confusion. He looks out at the living room, grinning. “Ya’ know this one?”

“House party.” The Him you know leans into the bedroom, resting his head on the frame. He’s bleeding from the back of his head. You shot him. There’s no exit wound. That’s your blood. “It’s a fuckin’ dump in here.”

“Bingo!” The boy on the bed folds his fingers into the shape of a gun. Taps them on the girl’s forehead. She’s wearing a t-shirt they bought in some backwater town last year. 

“You can’t do that! I don’t have a phone-a-friend! She won’t even talk to me.” The you that sits on the bed has chipped nail polish. She’s pouting. And suddenly he’s kissing her, and the cards are slipping off the bed. 

“Are you ever one of them?” You ask Him. 

He shakes his head. 

“I’m always out here watchin’. I dunno who the fuck that is.”

And he asks you “Which one do you want?” while you’re reaching for the knife in the kitchen and you want to say him, because you can hear them fucking in the other room and she’s giggling. They went on vacation and he drove. He had his keys, you guess. She’s giggling and there are flies buzzing around the takeout and suddenly you guess that this might just be a dump anyway. He’s right. He’s always right, except when he’s turning down the back roads. Then he’s left. 

If you could find your fucking keys, we could get out of here. You stupid fuck. Please kiss me again. 

So you tell him “Her.” and he presses himself against your back and you ache because you aren’t full, you aren’t hurt. He hasn’t actually fucked you yet. It might be another thousand years until he does again. 

Where were you at the party? Which room did we meet in? Did you fuck me in the bathroom? Did we ever go on that trip? I’ve got questions, please, please, daddy. Haven’t I been good? Don’t I deserve to know? Why don’t we ever wake up as them? Why do I have to listen to him fuck her? Why is she laughing? 

“Don’t make us wait all fuckin’ day!” The him in the other room calls out. “The next card is voyeurism!”

“Yay or nay?” 

You eat the rest of the chow mein. The maggots taste like love. 

8.

Your son calls you by your name. You haven’t heard it in years. 

Daddy’s a photographer, baby. He takes pictures of weddings. He takes pictures of the sky.

“I found more in Pa’s drawer.” He chokes around air, his words coming out in watery gulps. He stares at you through your eyes. You see him without seeing him. You see yourself.

“What were you doing in there, baby?” You hear your voice behind you, curled beside your ear. It comes from the door and the window and the wallpaper—and then deeper still, in the core of the house, bleeding.  

“I was lookin’ for a gun.” 

The floor underneath you splinters and you bottom out. You’re in the caverns snaking under the town and the church pews. You’re not in any of those places, either. The fuzz of television static is back, crowding around you and pushing you between the jagged hopping of the lines as they jitter around your skull. 

“Baby.” You gather him into your arms, pulling him into the crook of your neck. He sobs. His grip is too tight. You’ve been here before, but never like this. The static hisses into glittering points of light. The front of your dress is soaked with tears, with the blubber of drool from his mouth as he babbles that 

he didn’t know why he did that, because daddy always keeps his guns in the living room, and he knows that, but he went in anyway because maybe he’d forgotten this time—

Your lightning bug boy with baby fat still in his cheeks, skimmed off the edges to make room for a face that began and ended with you. Half-man already, limbs too big for the space he occupied. The remnants of the boy on the roof, a bruise blooming on his cheek. Your heart walking around and growing teeth. 

—and maybe maybe mama, I could. I could. 

I know how. 

“Baby. You gotta go put all that back.” Your voice is a whisper of smoke above the treeline.

“How long you been here, mama?”

You can see yourself on the set of drawers over the top of his head. She smiles at you.

9. 

You're at the top of the ferris wheel and you ask him if you can stay here. He tells you that you're stupid, that if you stayed here you would die. You're too high up. Eventually all the air would go out of your lungs and the amusement park would fall out from underneath your feet. You stupid slut, take it, choke on it, choke on it for daddy. Keep calling me that, I'm gonna come. Fair season is ending. Everything's gotta end eventually. Except for this, right? You celebrate the harvest, you tuck a cigarette in his back pocket. For luck, for love. If you stayed here, maybe you could see past the top of the trees. Maybe you could see the smoke.

Are you trying to fucking LEAVE me, baby? 

Don't leave yet. 

Hold your breath. I like being up here with you. 

10. 

So many gods, but only one church. An old western plays on the theater screen. It's the idea of a different world. This town ain't big enough for the both of us. It never was.

[beantothemax]

Hollow Cleric Pokemon Teams. This time featuring Jin Mei and Temenos.

Jin Mei (Double Battles)

Ninetales-Alola - While it's bad to have fairy types during the Eternal Night, Jin Mei couldn't really bear to leave her behind and just decided to change her moveset so that she can survive better. She a joy to have and likes to sit on Jin Mei's lap a lot.

Aurorus - Found him in a cave near Winterbloom and raised him from an Amaura to an Aurorus after the end. He a bit big but he likes to go and gently headbutt Jin Mei sometimes. Unfortunate that immediately the man gets chills but ah well. That's what he gets for encouraging pets when it was still a baby.

Arctozolt - Was caught before the end and near Montwise after it escaped from somewhere...Kazan encouraged him to catch it and add it to his team. He doesn't really want to part ways with it despite the bad memories it brings up.

Baxcalibur - Caught after the end. Was mulling around near Stormhail when Jin Mei was still contemplating going home. He's a bit lax and doesn't like moving a lot but they hit like a truck once they get going.

Rotom - Found near Roque Island after the end. While the trip was very pointless as there was no sign of Kazan anywhere, he did get a new friend. Even if the new friend kept on trying to steal his spear...Often he goes and switches from Wash and Frost forms. Can't ever be too cautious. Especially since he knows that Kazan is partial to Fire types and Flying types

Luxray - Jin Mei's Starter and Ace. They're a proud thing and has Guts as an ability. Alongside Jin Mei they have braved the snow and showed that they can withstand the temperatures of Stormhail. It is cautious of Jin Mei as time goes on and the man gets more obsessed with revenge. Knows Return and the move does less and less every time a battle with Jin Mei happens...By the time Stormhail rolls around with Temenos it knows Frustration instead.

Temenos (Technically he has multiple Pokemon teams but this is the main one)

Umbreon - The one Pokemon he found on his person when he woke up. The lil guy seemed to know what's going on but unfortunately the barriers between man and Pokemon are still there. At the very least they help guide Temenos to the right places.

Absol - Found after meeting Crick which...bode ill will. Still, Absol's aren't exactly bringers of disasters. They just warn people of it. So Temenos brought it along so that maybe he would be warned of disaster before things go wrong. They're surprisingly affectionate.

Meowstic (Male) - Found as Temenos was making food. He isn't sure when he caught it. It just. Appeared in his bag one day and wouldn't stop following him. They just stare at people but are generally helpful.

Typhlosion-Hisui - Came with Temenos after the man helped it with putting souls to rest. He is very grateful for that and thus follows the man around in hopes of bringing other souls to rest. A bit of mischievous thing, something Temenos is very pleased about.

Togekiss - Found in Flamechurch. Seems to have known Temenos. Now she follows him around in hopes that maybe Temenos could remember what had happened before. Likes to snuggle and sit on the man's lap. Also may have went and laid an egg once or twice, much to Temenos' confusion.

Zoroark-Hisui - Caught after impersonating Roi. Very volatile but after a while they got along great with Temenos' team and soon became a rather charming member to have on the team. Goes and often fools others with their illusions.

temenos meeting an absol after finding crick… yeah thats checks out. cricky boy can never catch a break

VERY glad you gave temenos the Autism pokemon in the form of Meowstic. this also supports my personal theory that temenos just stares at people really hard until they get nervous and spill the beans whenever he does his coerce path action so it’s a win all around

also… arctozolt….. give jin mei a Creature. he’s earned one

[ddeonudepressions]

get to know me game!

tagged by: @dearhee 🙏 💕

no pressure tags!! @redm4ri @haknom @blossomnct @sunoksunny @delcakoo @taejays @hannikz @mazeinthemiroh @soov and anyone else who wants ofc!!

birthday: oct 3rd skz chan is my bday twin and loml 🙏 (fr i miss him sm 🙁)

favourite colour: sage green but i really like all colors if they don't blind me 💀

do you have pets? no 💔 i used to have a parrot but we gave him away 😭😭

how tall are you? um i will get bullied but im 5'4 last time i checked 💀

how many pairs of shoes do you own?

like....4-5?? idk i haven't bought any in a while

favourite song: ditto, devil by the window, mixed up, attention please, opening sequence, muddy water, all in, beside you, and many more just stalk my Spotify to know 💔

favourite movie: train to busan 😭😭

who would be your ideal partner?

hmm.... idk tbh but probably someone who's like me but no yk? i really like the familiarity but ik i wouldn't handle another me💀 maybe someone like beomgyu yk or junhan or jay or hongjoong or hyunjin or seungmin. i think me and hongjoong r soulmates fr we would be are happily married ❤️.

do you want children? tbh yes? kinda? i think it would be nice but idk i dont mind it.

have you gotten in trouble with the law?

no I am a good child come on now

what colour socks are you wearing? blue and black

favourite type of music: all of it i will listen amd vibe to everything fr. i wouldn't say i hate a song yk id say i wouldn't look it up but if it was playing ill do a lil dancey dance

how many pillows do you sleep with? 2 and 2 tiny plushies and 1 decorative one

what position do you sleep in? idk what it's called but i basically become a tiny ball of sleep and drown in the covers 💀

what don’t you like when you’re sleeping: probably when someone wakes me up when i just started to drift off. like?!??? helour leave me alone??!?? and probably when my feet r too cold the rest of my body.

what do you have for breakfast: depends sometimes a savor yomy sandwich sometimes a sweet yomy cereal. sometimes black coffee sometimes a latte sometimes a cup of tea of u will.

have you ever tried archery? once at gym hurt myself bad didn't like it 👎👎

favourite fruit: strawberries apples and oranges (i miss eating oranges 💔)

are you a good liar? not to self diagnose but i might be a psychological lair 😂😂🤥

what’s your personality type? it was enfp i think but ill have to redo the test soon lol.

innie or outie? im gonna say this is about being introverted or extroverted 💀💀 I am a bit of both tbh.

left handed or right handed? a leftiee

favourite food: pasta or fries 🙏

favourite foreign food: kushary idk if anyone knows it but it's Egyptian and its just 💔💔

am i clean or messy? id say clean i try to keep my surroundings tidy as i can yk

most used phrase: (all memes from Walmart enha) hello?? ayo?? huh?? oh. slayyy - fr - ong- 🙏- naurrr - NO. - die. - el oh el - kys. - el em ay oh - (person) (last negative thing they did) era - LMAO. - ok.

how long does it take for you to get ready: usually like 15-25 minutes including makeup outfit hijab and packing my handbag / bag yk

do you talk to yourself? all the time!

do you sing to yourself? if im not singing sleeping it's all i do. no family member has complained about my signing so I think it's a sign to start my career 😂😂🤘🤘

are you a good singer? i hope i am 😕 i think i have a decent voice i quite like any runs i do when signing sum LMAO 💀

biggest fear? cockroaches, confrontations and god 🙏

are you a gossip? i am THE gossip

do you like long or short hair? short hair. my hair is medium length rn but i like short hair more long hair has bad memories.

favourite school subject: I've always liked science general but idk anymore grade 9 wss brutal 💀💀

extrovert or introvert: id say both (again) cuz I enjoy talking and going out but also staying in w someone sounds so comforting

what makes you nervous: everything. my teachers. people staring too long at me. people laughing at me. (i cant tell if it's w me or at me most of the time :/)

who was your first real crush? grade 2 his name was assi i think that's how u spell it. he was also Syrian had blonde hair blue eyes and had my heart fr 💔

how many piercings? 2 one in each ear

how many tattoos? 0 (i am a minor and haram bro)

how fast can you run? i think i could run a good distance ye im not the athletic type but it's fun sometimes

what colour is your hair? chocolate brown with blonde streaks. very new look my hair was always been dark brown 💀

what colour are your eyes? brown 💔

what makes you angry: many many things having anger issues every little thing annoys me. im just gonna say top 5 lol

1.people who don't listen

2.people who look down on others

3. people who r literally nothing being jealous of others and making their lives hell( who wants a story time 😂😂)

4. getting blamed for something i had nothing to do with

5. having to be the mom of the house when i am a literal child.

do you like your name? ye I've learned to accept it 💪

do you want a boy or a girl as a child?

idm tbh but let just say if i have kids they both will be a mommy's girl/boy. cuz ye

what are your strengths? hm... im gonna say im honest ill tell people shit to their face no hesitation sometimes 💀. im strong?? idk. ima good manipulator 😂😂. id say im pretty understanding and comforting (at least i hope so) ig das it? idk not used to thinking about myself positively yk

what are your weaknesses? probably myself? like i do one small tiny mistake and suddenly i have no self worth, i deserve death, i mean nothing to anybody, everyone hates me snd is using me and i deserve it. and etc etc yk.

what is the colour of your bedspread? yellow 😕

colour of your room: yellow 😐 i need my own room fr

DONE THIS TOOK FOREVER BUT WAS MUCH FUN TY ELA SM FOR THIS LMAO 🙏🙏🙏💞💞❤️❤️

[tourmelion]

Ooooooh

I wanna write some Mole interest fics!!

First draft

My phones broken so that's why the lines are a little choppy

I'm gonna do it!!

Kelly was a small child

A smart small child

Who did everything right

Went to school

Didn't fuss

Revised

Did the dishes

And every day would be more or less the same

And she was doing a great job

Walk to school

Revise, learn, work with a tutor, speak to people about whatever they were talking about

Things were completely ok

Everything was satisfactory

And she got praise, was told how smart she was, how amazing she was doing

Life is good

"I guess I'm just gonna do this till I'm 23, the 8 year old said"

And then her parents enrolled her in accelerated class, with quadratic equations, high school physics, chemistry, just go off the books, make flash cards, and commit the equations to memory

"This will get me great stuff"

Right! Yes, futures, I can do whatever I'd want with those good qualifications I can get!!

..

Yes yes, everything is good and nice

I've always been a bit of a inside cat, I like the inside, it's warm, humid, quiet, I'm not running around anywhere

And I can focus on important stuff

I'm supposed to be good at all these things

So I should revise

My life's all planned out for me~

School, college, job, I guess marriage, and then, I'll just have to steal some kids, seems easy enough. Heheheheheheeh

Steal some kids, im so funni >:3

{am I doing this right...}

I guess life went on

I guess

I- don't know where I went

I've been doing everything right

Why, I feel like I'm dry on the inside

Like an empty egg

Feeling the dry and grainy shell from the inside

My mom was on Facebook today

I tried to interact, as I assume one does

And it just didn't happen

Like a grey rock

The more you push the more you feel like you're leaning against a rock

She didn't even seem to be doing anything interesting

What goes on in the world, it feels like the sound just tuned out

I'm, I'm not pumped up like I used to be, I'm not tired, but, it's like I'm a toy car, I can move, but theirs no string pulling me forward, or side ways

Like a puppet with no strings, or sticks

I'm just here, by myself

It's a bit like a desert

I feel dry and sandy, but it's more vast now, like it spread, like the world changed, and I can't see it anymore, and it's going grainy, like theirs nothing there

I'm gonna aproaach high school soon

Wonder what be like

My high has trees along the back of the field

Around the parking lot

Walk to, absorb, leave, more of the same

Maybe it's dehydration

That's probably why I feel so dry

But it's in my chest

Maybe an illness, some sickness

I'm walking around the car park now, nice trees, all fruit trees, something black or dark purple, maybe it's not fruit

Who's even gonna eat it?

There are no birds around here, and no squirrels their, there isn't life besides us for miles

And who's want to go all the way up and get one

It'll just stain the tarmac and puncture someones tire, and they'll rot around the parking lot

What a pain

Where is my family, I've been waiting for ages

Did they forget about picking me up

Oh, they'll be here soon, I should just wait

Shff shff

My head whips around

What was that!!!

The heck was that, where did it come from, whatwhatwhatwhatwas that.

I don't like that

It's too close to be leaves, it's not my jacket, it's zipped close

And I see it, a little black hairy thing, it looks like a hover with a little pink nose

And little hands

It's so small

It just dug it's up from the ground, right next to me, he's so, small

I forgot what I was thinking

His lil hover face c:

_we just sorta sit their, well I'm standing but you get what I mean

It's life outside of my immidiate family

It's a non-human living thing

It's breathing, and it can see me

It's so

It's like one of those Taylor swift shows

It's pretty and, like all the fans doing the same r as each other, like this big multi person wave where you, feel, everything

It's like that, I'm like that

Like the sun when it's all orangy

It's so, like you wanna forget what your doing and just stare

It's all focused and vauge and asdfdafdafadfafff

It feels good

Real good

My dad's car drives up and the mole is gone

The moment is gone

Still got some good feeling though, that was nice, I wonder if I'll see it again

Chapter 1 end

im sorry, we turned your boyfriend into a mole. yeah and all of tumblr‘s interested in him now. sorry

edit 9/12/23 11.22 CET

and so it begins…

fic1, fic2 @pathsofoak ao3 tag

update:

ao3 link. please vote for mole scene in most underrated goncharov scene poll

[rosegoldenatlas]

hey

having a ✨day✨

was barely able to do any work on the project that i was talking about. like its something im really exited for and want to work on and i barely had anything else getting in my way but i just couldnt bring myself to do anything (doesnt help that as part of the project i need to learn a new coding language and ive for some reason decided that i couldnt use any tutorials and had to teach myself everything, which is making the entire process FAR more painful than it needs to be)

also i went out on a little excursion with my family to drive all the way up to San Fran and visit the SFMOMA (san fransisco museum of modern art) and all the art was nice but ive seen 90% of it on our previous trips, and also my family was being annoying, and also i forgot to grab the water bottle that i rely on to stop my condition from keeping me in constant pain so that was not a pleasant experience and also the headaches from not having enough water were bad enough that i could barely focus and was basicaly stumbling around the exibit the entire time so not the most fun time

also ive been growing increasingly worried lately that my mother has like an actual medical issue messing with her brain and causing her to forget things because Ive spent time with dementia patients before and ive been noticing more and more of their behaviors in her recently (like its all very subtle but its VERY visible if your paying attntion). but every time i mention how her memory is getting worse recently she always just deflects it with a joke or says that she "just wasnt paying attention" when no something is very clearly wrong

whatever.

im going to bed early because i can tell that at this point im just rotting the longer i stay on here.

hopefully ill be more productive tomorow

hope you get some good rest too my king

sleep well

stay awesome

Hey I'm glad you got at least a little bit done on your project then, a little progress is better than no progress haha!! *frantically scrambled to hide my project that I haven't touched in two weeks but really want to work on*

All the way to the big city yeah? At least you got to look at some nice art I guess? I hope you're a bit better now, maybe like- if you usually bring bags around you could just like keep a plastic water bottle in it and whenever you throw away the trash you have to replace it? Or just keep a few waters by your door so when you leave you remember to grab one.

Oh, I'm sorry! I do hope its not anything serious, hopefully just an attention problem or something minor. I've worked with dementia patients a few times before a long time ago and its.. Its really sad. I hope your mom starts to realize something is up and at least tries the google search of doom.

Remember: Guilt over your level of productivity is a normalized social scam started by corporations to get you to work extra hard and during your times of leisure while they still pay pennies. It has been so normalized by american society that it is encouraged to continue this toxic and self destructive mentality into your time of rest and hobbies. Fuck this normalized self destructiveness driven by the desire to live this 'american dream' that stopped being possible to achieve by the lower middle class. Also the government can go to hell.

Anyways. After that lil rant:

I love you, I appreciate you, and I hope you dream of good things, sleep well My Queen

[wholeheartedly-crl]

spiritual warfare has been real… been feeling overcome by laziness, feelings of lust, anger, and i’ve been avoiding spending time with God. all of last week felt like this but i refuse to go into another week with this same energy. i declare that this will be a good week in the name of Jesus <3

i’ve also had jury duty all last week and will continue all the way up until the 30th excluding fridays and memorial day. i feel like that’s been a factor in me feeling off as well. it’s nice to have paid time off for it but i feel wayyy more tired after 4-6 hours at the court than i normally do after 8 hours of work and all im doing is sitting there 🧍🏾‍♀️ idk.

i’ve decided to start waking up at 6 for the rest of my duration as a juror and take hour long walks bc that always makes me feel good and it’s still in the 60s-70s in the morning so praise God for that!!

i alsooooo have been feeling convicted bc i started smoking again and it’s causing me to over eat. like bad. like i’ve gone to bed feeling sooo stuffed for the past few nights and it’s such a disgusting feeling so im being mindful of that as well this week.

i’ve planned my next two weeks to go like this:

wake @ 6

devotional

1 hour walk

water before caffeine (skip caffeine if able)

smoothie for lunch

well proportioned dinner 4 hours before bed

bible study

stretch

gn

less detailed than what i’ve actually planned but yeah! i don’t ever wanna feel how i felt this week so i’m thinking i can stick to it :)

on another note, i have mariah the scientist on wednesday!! then next week on the 24th im going camping with the girliessss (we’re tagging along with my friends family and im so excited bc they’re cooooking) then june i have my san diego trip to see partynextdoor and then july im seeing the marias!!! after that ill just be saving for my birthday in mexico city <3 i’ve been wanting to go for so long and today i sat and calculated the costs and budgeted all the way up until the day that i leave so im not waiting last min just to not go like i do every year 🙃 im determined to have fun this year! but anyway i say all that to say that life is actually good and this lil rough patch im going through is nothing compared to all the joy i have coming my way.. im also in my luteal phase so that adds to the mess. oh!! and i deactivated my ig again 🧍🏾‍♀️🧍🏾‍♀️🧍🏾‍♀️ idk when ill reactivate or if i ever will??? maybe once im ready ill make a new one with no followers idk lol but yeah there’s my rant for today goodnight i love u.

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

Went to adoptive ren’s¹ house. Greeted by happy lil brother (he/they) bouncing at screen door then running up for hugs. Immediately hugged by ren when inside². Happy rambles between us & lil bro. Listening to Stimmy Song™ playlist (made specifically to be stimmy).

Drove home, but followed ✨the vibe✨ & drove down old roads past bioparents’ house. Old roads that are haunted by dead memories. Made new memories. Danced in car and sang to music and laughed a lot. Made good memories.

Maybe the point of it all is bringing love and authenticity to places that used to haunt you. Maybe the point of it all is to love and be loved. Maybe it’s worth staying alive to watch joy and authenticity and hope bring light and life back to dead places. Maybe it’s all gonna be okay.

(Never made a post immediately after being at ren’s house. Wanted to catch this moment & these feelings/thoughts. Leave their house feeling competent and loved and Good. Has been new parent since Nov 19, 2022 (a year and ¼). Brain starting to accept that am loved and allowed to love. allowed to take up authentic space. we’ve always been good enough for them. never wanna forget this feeling ☺💜✨)

~Nico (he/they)

¹ ren is to parent as mom/mama is to mother and dad/papa is to father. parent is agender, they/them 💜

² ren adopted us because they’re also queer/trans and neurodivergent. understands, and loves because not despite/in spite of. also because likes us & loves us as person/people, but also because auDHD & mentally ill in lovable ways. lil bro (ren’s bio son) is also queer/trans. we’re a lil queer mentally differing family ☺💜. also, ren & lil bro ask every time before hugs. ¡consent is established & maintained! very comfy.

[tripstitan]

Can't Be Sure When They'll Hit the Mark

What, you thought I was done with the reference? Strap in and buckle up kiddos and kiddettes and mein kinder, hermosas, hermanos, y hermanes y amigues, all you guys gals and non-binary pals, you dudes, dames, and everything around and in-between.

You're all -Seen-. If you know what I mean. No, seriously, don't think that you're not, that I'm just blowing smoke up your rumpus mcmuffin. My series, AAoMM (An Age of Mysterious Memories, free on Royal Road) is to prove just what I'm saying.

Reggie and a heaping helping of the cast are agendered, or aroaces, or all of the above, or one of the three. Plenty of rainbow fam and queer cuties across our giant umbrella of lgbtqia+ amongst the cast, main and side. But those are just -traits-, not the entire person, persona, or character. You are more than just one of your traits, or even a few traits that seem to dominate your life. That's what this whole journey is about, this thrill ride of acknowledging people all over every spectrum, and acknowledging chronic illness, mental unwellness, mental health coping mechanisms and support networks, and so much more. Reggie's a survivor, in more ways than one. Dealing with panic attacks? It sucks. It really does. Some of Reggie's motivations are trauma-informed, and even they don't acknowledge it. Let's just say that there's a reason that they lean more and more into their role that everyone keeps thrusting on them, "Hero." Reggie's no hero, they'll admit it themselves, hell, they're worried that morally they might just be a villain, or the villain, but heroing's a job somebody's got to do if everyone's going to get a chance at a happy ending. (Not like that, you pervy goobers, those of you that jumped into the gutter. Read more for some cute images at the end.)

We're six thousand pages into an epic tale that is more stream-of-consciousness exploring-the-human-condition through dialogue and mental monologue, than the grand fantasy adventure backdrop it's painted against. It'll probably be about nine thousand pages by this time next year, and maybe the series will reach what I'm hoping will... well, let's just say I hope it continues to provide what it needs to provide for those that need it. Whether it's the escapism of the fantasy, the acknowledgement, the adventure, the camaraderie, the falling in love with the characters, the references and easter eggs and dig-your-teeth-into-the-foreshadowing I've built up as a web that I've plotted for thousands of pages for the analytical amongst us that love to find all the ways I've hinted at things since literally "Day One." (If you're interested in Day One, and the first few confusing days of Reggie's life, check out An Age of Perilous Prologues, yes, my prologue is over one hundred pages, and has a bunch of systems-info, but it also has the formative moments and development of Reggie's main panic trigger traumas. Nothing too content-warning'ish, cutesie wild-animal attack in a wilderness survival drama, it shouldn't be too unexpected for a reader that goes into it.)

There are so many things I want to spoil to you peeps, but I'll just leave you with some Lil and Lucky and the chapter snippet. I've rambled long enough.

Oh, right, the reference. Today's chapter title is "And Roll Out of the Skillet." (Yesterday's chapter was Save Rock if you're not a follower/hadn't seen my previous post.) Yes, there's a lot more than just one of these little portmanteau chapter titles or me addressing either the characters, or my readers, across my over five hundred chapter long series. I'll attach one that's kind of mean, but also funny.

(I'm so evil. But the chapter titles do actually make sense, so I'm not just being a dingus. I am a dingus, but I'm not just being one.)

Have some happy Lucky and happy Lil to balance things out. (Yes, Lucky's a shapeshifter, so he can technically go Bara-pup form, so these aren't entirely inaccurate representations.)

Lil's also a shapechanger, and almost as much of a goober as Lucky... maybe more of one.