#but man i was supposed to talk like a professional but i got so stressed making the previous post that i just exploded in my head and i need

[chalkeater]

Anyway this blog. My blog. Our blogs. We do not like incest or pedophilic ships. I cant control what you do but take that as you will. With that in mind i do not feel comfortable with the term and word proship etc. so if you come to my blog you better know that either for my safety or for YOURS (not a threat. Like. If you need to be surrounded by people like minded people then get outta here etc etc).

[thejeangreysummers]

boxer au simon “ghost” riley

⁃ everyone is exiting a kickboxing class you show up doe eyed with your little matching set and a bag the same color. simon immediately crosses the gym before soap or gaz get a chance to.

⁃ “i think i have something you’ll like.” simon offers hesitantly, if any other tall masked stranger approached you like that you’d leave for the sake of self preservation. but he’s so hesitant in the way he offers looking above your head and not making direct eye contact. his shoulders are drawn together like he’s trying to make himself smaller.

⁃ he ducks behind the desk and pulls out some Everlast hand wraps in the same color as your clothes.

“your favorite color.” he says jokingly

“how’d you know?” you laugh and for the first time he looks you in the eye and something shifts in your chest.

“you’ve got good taste.” he quips

he’s extends his hand in front of yours and you’re so dazed, you just hold his hand. simon is already tipsy of your laugh he considers kissing it. he begins wrapping your hand and the realization makes you flush with embarrassment.

⁃ until he starts talking… he’s explaining how the wraps work and which gloves he recommends and your initial reaction shifts into annoyance. you want to fuck with him just a little bit, because who is he to explain anything to you? he probably doesn’t even work here and you’ve been kickboxing for the last two years.

the stress relief it gave after your last break up worked wonders.

⁃ “do you want to practice with me love?” he offers after he lingers on your wrist

you concede and slip under the bar of the ring. his eyes tell you everything. eager to be close to you he explains a hook and a jab, of course you nod and smile feigning ignorance as he tells you how he’ll explain the kicking afterward. you’re feeling a little triumphant when the false jab distracts him as you sweep him, he falls and makes a jagged hurt noise.

⁃ your playfulness turns to panic

“are you okay? i’m so sorry i didn’t mean to actually hurt you. i kind of expected you to grab my leg or move or laugh? i didn’t mean to—” you fall to your knees beside him worried he hit his head. he shifts on to his back leaning lazily on he’s elbows and he’s smiling at you. that little fucker. or huge fucker honestly, he’s so tall he’s practically scraping the celling.

⁃ “you’re such an asshole.”

“wounded my pride, worse than a physical injury honestly.” simon looks up at you cheekily

“how long have you been doing this? do you work here? why did you come up to me?”

simon wants to toy with you a little more. he loves your short temper paired with your softness it’s intriguing. you’re so sweet worrying about him, would you be like that at one of his matches? anxious fluttering around saying a hail mary he won’t get hurt? or would you bask in the stadium lights, proud that he belongs to you? he intends to find out immediately.

“well ‘m a professional love, a man’s got to eat someway. my trainer, price, doesn’t love when i frighten the clients, but you’re too pretty to avoid.” simon winks at you like his voice isn’t flirtation enough

“i’m not afraid of you.” you lean in front of him on the mat and he gets a long look at your tits when he meets your eyes again you’re aware of how public this display is. you scramble to you feet and extend a hand to help him up and simon doesn’t move.

“get up.” you command in a harsh whisper

he shakes his head shamelessly drinking in your figure.

“seriously, get up someone could come in here.” you urge extending to gently kick him and in a moment he’s pulling your ankle shifting to ensure you fall directly on top of him. he places a gentle hand on the small of your back, respectful almost hesitant.

“now we’re even.” he teases

he smells like mint a touch of lavender and something distinctly him. you want him to lower his hand even though you’re in public. you almost want to kiss him, but then he’d get the wrong idea about your intentions. you were supposed to be scouring the price for this gym across from your apartment nothing more. he probably does this with every pretty customer that walks through the doors. you push yourself up using his chest as leverage.

“we are not even, you tricked me!” you scoff

“then let me make it up to you let me buy you dinner.” he offers

you can’t date this stranger at the gym across from you apartment. you’d see each other again, after dating your co-worker you decided not mix buisness and pleasure. boxing is an essential part of your routine, it’s safe and consistent. he’s roguishly attractive and probably not staying in the country.

“no thanks, you’re something but y’know you’re not from around here. i want a serious relationship.” you know your honesty will scare him away and you’ll never speak again

“well if you get off me, i can get on my knees and propose” simon smirks

you realize that you’ve been leaning directly on top of his chest, not shifting or standing.

“it’s one knee.” you counter as you slide off him and stand up

“for you i’d beg.” simon admitted

the way he looks at you for a second you almost believe him.

“i’m sure you offer that to ever pretty girl who walks in here.”

simon is serious about the begging, he’d wait as long you wanted to have you underneath him. but someday soon the sweet sound of you whimpering his name would be fill the room. you’d be the one pleading for him just to put the tip in.

“come to my match tonight. if i win, you let me buy you dinner. our first real date.” simon promises

he’s such trouble and you want him despite it.

how many girls batting their eyelashes and love struck boys come to his matches longing to see him afterwards? one of them will surely take your place if you don’t attend.

“what if you lose?”

“i won’t.” simon drawls

“you think you’re that good?” you taunt

“i think you’re lucky.” simon breathed

[sterredem]

The Tortured Poets Department

F1 grid x Driver/singer!reader

Face claim Olivia Rodrigo

Summary She’s the first female driver in a long time. But that isn’t the only thing she can do.

Warning hate, sexism, not proofread, spelling mistakes

A/N I love this. This was supposed to be apart of the four series but I will not be making that so now it is a one shot. I will not be making another part with this character, I will make a few more gifs like this type.

Also the dates and spelling in the video and the fic is also wrong because I made this a few months ago. So don’t mind that and ignore it.

Don’t forget to repost and comments. And feedback is appreciated❤️🫶

Instagram

liked by Prorsche_F1 and 675.309 others

Yourusername P1 BABYYY!!! And for that lovely podium here you get a bit of a photo dump🫶🫶 thank you for all the support!🫶❤️

View all 1.957 comments

Conangray P1 baby!! Ur such a cutie

Yourusername Ur a cutie!

User1 Always knew you could do it!

User2 I just know you will be World Champion!

Porsche_f1 So proud of u!

User3 I love the difference in the pictures! With the 1st few being racing and then being silly

User4 She doesn’t deserve it!

GracieAbrams what happens with the car in the 6th picture??

Yourusername Nothing!!!!!! I promise!!!!! I am a professional racing driver!!!!

GracieAbrams Yeah…! Sure…!

Yourusername I promise! It is nothing! It was just a little accident!

GracieAbrams Oh yeah sure! @Conangray you believe this?

Conangray Oh of course! It was just an accident!

GracieAbrams YOU WHERE WITH HER?? Why didn’t you stop her?!?!

Conangray As I said nothing happened!

User5 I love how everything is car related but very subtly

User6 How is she friends with so many singers??

User7 well it is only 2 and they know each other through being famous

User6 still! Isn’t it weird? She has also interacted with bigger singers like Taylor swift, Lana del Rey and Billie eilish

User7 it is probably just because they are all successful women! And they have all been in the paddock!

User6 yeah, probably

User8 she doesn’t deserve it! A lot of other drivers did better than her!

User9 So happy to see more females in motorsports!

User10 doesn’t she look a bit of to you? In a few of the broadcasts she looked really tired and pale.

User11 it is probably just stress from the racing. And she said that she doesn’t wear make up on race day so maybe it is that too.

User12 notice how non of the other drivers comments or like her post? It is like they are ignoring her.

User13 it’s because they didn’t want to have any cheating rumours. Some of them said that in an interview

Susie_Wolff Good job Y/n! Proud of you!

Yourusername Thank you Susie! It was good to see you again!

User14 it is so sad to see how little drivers interact with her. More people have talking with Logan then with Y/n

User15 Omgg your right! I have noticed it too. It is her 2nd year and a lot of the drivers (especially the younger ones) are avoiding her or have never talked with her!

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A few months later (the last race)

Instagram

Liked by Porsche_F1 and 1.235.632 others

Yourusername World champion! Whohooo! Thank you so much for all the support and being with me on this journey! I had an amazing season and hope that there are many more to come! And this is only my 2nd season! Again thank you everyone for all the support and the congratulations! Love you all!

View all 6.367 comments

User1 GOOD JOB Y/N!!!

User2 I WAS RIGHT!!!! Congratulations Y/!!!!

User3 Congratulations Y/n! You deserved it!

Conangray THATS MY BEST FRIEND PEOPLE!!!

Yourusername YOOHOOOO!!

User4 undeserved!

User5 You don’t deserve it! It is a man dominated sport for a reason!

User6 She only got in to F1 Because of her connections and her looks! I wouldn’t be surprised if she slept with someone for this!

User7 So happy her and her ex broke up! He didn’t deserve her!

GracieAbrams SO PROUD LOVE!!

Yourusername TKANK YOU!!!!!

User8 I understand why the drivers don’t talk to her. She is so annoying!

User9 Happy to finally see a female win in motorsports!

User10 HAHA THE 8th PICTURE IS SO FUNNY!!!!

User11 So happy to see her happy!!

User12 I am still a bit confused about why not any of the driver interact with her! They didn’t even congratulate her! Only the older drivers did!

User13 So proud of you!

Susie_Wolff Congratulations Y/n! I am so proud of you! Liked by author

User14 Such a slut!

User15 Kys! Nobody likes you!

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A week later

Instagram

Liked by TaylorSwift and 1.846.721 others

Yourusername here’s a toast to my real friends🫶 After a busy season it is always good to return to the people that you love🫶🫶❤️

Comments are limeted

Taylorswift Always fun to hang out! We need to do it again soon!

Yourusername Always! I had a lot of fun!

Honeymoon It was great meeting you! Hope to see you again!

Yourusername Teah! Totally! It was really nice meeting you too!

KiraKosarin Lovely to see you again!

Yourusername Yeah for sure! We need to do it again! Liked by KiraKosarin

TateMcRea OMG I AM IN THE PHOTO DUMP?!?! Jokes aside I had a lot of fun!

Yourusername Of Course you are!! And I also had a lot of fun!!

IrisScot Ugh I hadn’t seen you in so long! You really are a busy girl!

Yourusername Yeah you’re right! I promise to make more time for you !!

GracieAbrams I am so happy you used that picture and not a different one!

Yourusername Yeah, I thought I would be nice. And now I still have black mail material🤭🤭

ConanGray u r a cutie pie🥰🥰

Yourusername no you🤭🤭

MadisonHu I am in it twice??? Omg you love me!!

Yourusername Ofc!!

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The beginning of the season (1 or 2 races in)

Instagram

Liked by Charles_Leclerc and 1.764.975 others

F1 Kimi Antonelli is set to replace Y/n y/l/n for the next races.

Y/n has due to personal reasons decited to give the seat up to Kimi.

We wish Y/n a good time and Kimi a good start in F1

#f1 #y/n_y/l/n #kimi_Antonelli

View all 8.642 comments

User1 Oh?

User2 good luck Kimi!

User3 sad for y/n, happy for Kimi

User4 This really is silly season. First Ollie and Carlos and now Kimi and Y/n

User5 wow f1 debut at 17??

User6 I’m curious what happens with Y/n

User7 yeah same. It must be something big because she can’t race

User8 So happy we have finally gotten rid of her! Kimi is 100% better then her

User9 does anyone know how many races he will replace her for?

User10 No! The only thing we know is that it will the upcoming one and then maybe a few after that.

User11 poor Y/n

User12 She deserves it

User13 so happy to see her gone!

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Messages

|———————————<3—————————————|

YouTube (after the insta announcement)

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Twitter

|———————————<3—————————————|

Instagram

Liked by TaylorSwift and 7.836.836 others

Yourusername The Tortured Poets Department out now🩶🤍🖤 this is a project that I have worked on for quite some time, and I am incredibly proud that I can now share this with you all. All is fair in love and poetry…

View all 836.836 comments

Taylorswift So proud🫶

SabrinaCarpenter Album of the year🖤

GracieAbrams Some of the best work ever🩶

ConanGray I helped y’all! Jokes aside I am SO proud of you of you🤍

Charles_Leclerc Amazing!

User1 OMG?!?!

User2 AN ALBUM?!?!

User3 This is just amazing

User4 …this is better than any spoken explanation we could have gotten

User5 I knew that she liked poetry but this……

User6 THE TITELS ARE INSANE!!

User7 So a girl who drives in circles is now also a singer and songwriter?? And very talented at that?!?!

User8 Slut?!?! Omg she in love in love

User9 first of; who hurt her?!?! Second off; who is the person?!?!

User10 just saying the cover art is amazing

User11 am I the only one that thinks there is more??

User12 yes

User13 🩶🤍🖤🩶🤍🖤

|———————————<3—————————————|

Instagram

Liked by Honeymoon and 9.835.736 others

Yourusername Suprise! The Tortured Poets Department is a double album! I have written so much these past few years that I couldn’t fit in in one. And a few of these songs are to beautiful to not share with the world. 15 new song. The story is y mine anymore… it’s yours.🩶🤍🖤

Comments are disabled

|———————————<3—————————————|

[haikyu-mp4]

Workplace romance

word count; 941 – f!reader, fluff

“The Schweiden Adlers ball is next weekend, I assume you know that,” you mumble to start off, already used to how Kageyama’s knee bounces repeatedly in what you could only assume was restlessness. “I just need to know who you will bring as a date. There will be paparazzi and I just want to make sure I have everything under control.” As you were speaking, you didn’t really look up at the man, simultaneously finishing off the notes from your previous meeting with Hoshiumi.

“A date?” Kageyama repeated back to you and you chuckled softly at his confusion, sparing him a glance.

You’re one of Schweiden Adlers’ PR managers, recently tasked with handling the three younger members, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Hoshiumi Korai and Kageyama Tobio. They are all pretty sweet and you thanked the heavens every day that you didn’t end up as PR manager for the MSBY Black Jackals. “Yes, you get a plus one. You could also bring your mom or sister, that’s always good for your image. Alternatively, there’s no problem with going alone. Although that might call forth a different genre of headlines…” you rambled, doing your job and analysing the different options without even noticing how the young man was twiddling his thumbs in his lap nervously.

Kageyama was the one you spoke with the most from the team, as he was also the newest to this business. While the two of you would talk casually outside the four walls of your borrowed office all the time, you loved your job and preferred to stay stressed and professional while doing meetings. “But I could bring a date too? Someone I like?” he asked. For some annoying reason, his words made you stop writing and an icky feeling crept into your stomach.

“Of course, I just need to know who so that I can take the necessary precautions…” you answered, biting the inside of your cheek as if to force yourself to speak.

“Will you go with me?” he asked. Finally, ran through his mind as your eyes finally stilled where he could see them, staring right into his. Kageyama smiled nervously, hoping you would answer any second now. It’s a bit like the smile you finally coaxed out of him for those commercial photos. Oddly charming.

“You want to go with me?” you asked, wondering if you heard him correctly and straightening up in your seat. Hopefully, he couldn’t see your bright red ears.

“Yes,” he answered simply. No room for misunderstanding there, you suppose.

“That’s…” you couldn’t help the giddy chuckle you left in the air as you looked back down at all your messy notes. “Very unexpected.”

“Why? I thought I made it obvious that I like you,” he said, blunt as ever. Tobio felt like this should not be a surprise at all, as he made an effort to talk to you every time he saw you and even got you a box of milk on the days he knew you would be there in advance. Was his affection not obvious?

You’re full-on grinning like a madman now, burying your face in your hands to hide the blush on your cheeks. “I would love to go with you.” you finally declared, not responding to his blunt confession because you weren’t quite sure how to yet. “But I need to talk to some of our bosses and make sure it’s approved first. We wouldn’t want any scandals to plague your name,” you said, removing your hands from your face as you went halfway into work mode again. You flipped to a new page in your notebook and wrote down what information you needed. The smile was still stuck on your face and Tobio was happy to see it.

“Okay.” he agreed. There was still a sense of childish innocence to him that you really liked. “But I don’t want to go with anyone else,” he added as if that was just stuck in his mind.

“You should go back to practice, Tobio,” you said, using your softest voice to make sure he knew you weren’t trying to be dismissive. “If you stop by before you leave today, I will let you know how it’s looking after making some calls,” you told him, smiling as he got up.

“I will see you soon, then.” He bowed, about to leave when you spoke again.

“Tobio!” you called, pursing your lips and considering your next words before they just spilt from your lips. “I like you too.”

Kageyama walked back to practice with a happy smile, making Hoshiumi frown at him as if it was the creepiest thing he had ever seen. Meanwhile, you were in your office kicking your feet and punching the air in joy before taking a deep breath to start making those calls without giggling.

He stopped by after practice, like he promised, knocking on the door and walking in with a hopeful spark in his eyes. You told him how this might play out so he would be prepared for any potential consequences, but could still happily inform him that you would be going with him to the event.

And boy were your assumptions right. The headlines questioning whether or not this was appropriate were simply unavoidable. However, it only took one press conference to quiet it down.

“She’s very sweet, I really like her. It would make me sad if we could not be together just because she also works with keeping me and my teammates out of trouble,” he said softly, making the reporters coo and the headlines turn from Volleyball manager: Inappropriate moneygrabber to Living our fantasies: Kageyama’s workplace romance.

[crownmemes]

Questioning Sentences, Vol. 32

(Questioning sentences from various sources to ask all kinds of muses. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Do you ever give that intuition of yours a rest?"

"You do look stressed! Would you like some ginger tea? Or maybe just some gin?"

"Why exactly would the universe make fun of us all?"

"The hotel only had one room?"

"May I ask when you lost your faith?"

"Don't you see it? How beautiful it is?"

"What's the harm in letting me try?"

"Hey, how come you get the gun?"

"What if I don't want to remember?"

"How come you only call me when someone's dead?"

"When was the last time that you had a hug?"

"Everybody in this town is looking at me like I'm insane. Do you know why?"

"I'm sorry, is this a discussion about professionalism?"

"Hey, why am I starting to feel like a fish on a hook?"

"What's your name anyway?"

"Are you a God-fearing man?"

"How come every time you come around, someone ends up getting hurt?"

"All of this was a fake?"

"Do you love humanity enough to save it?"

"How come you're not on a beach somewhere?"

"Where are your cufflinks?"

"I'm not letting anyone else get hurt on my behalf, okay?"

"When was it that you lost your imagination?"

"I assume you have some sort of credentials?"

"Who the hell are you supposed to be?"

"Do you think our fathers would be proud of us?"

"Do me one last favour, for old time's sake?"

"How many bodies are we talking? Like, two, three?"

"Wow, you're everything they say, aren't you?"

"Why do I get the feeling that you're not telling me everything?"

"Am I under arrest?"

"Do you have to touch everything?"

"Is there someone we should call for you?"

"Is it any consolation knowing you were right?"

"Fail, and you will be held accountable. Am I making myself clear?"

"Monsters aren't real, right?"

"Is that a grey hair?"

"What secrets are darkening your brow?"

"Do you never stop chattering?"

"Do you want a tattoo?"

"Must you always be so small-minded?"

"Come on, you've got to feel something for somebody?"

"You don't really believe that it's possible to bring a dead person back to life, do you?"

"Would you have helped me if you knew I was a thief?"

[lvis44]

Sweet Escape - Wedding Pt. 2 // LH44

Lewis Hamilton x Y/N

Warnings: Language, Alcohol Consumption, Angst, Anxiety

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: Paradise is supposed to be fun and relaxing... a Sweet Escape, but when unspoken feelings and jealousy rise to the surface, everything can be turned upside down in the blink of an eye.

Notes: The second part of our wedding... I was reading my doc and figured this part was solid enough to be put into the universe lol. More to come but, once again, I do not know the timeline. I hope this holds you guys enjoy and this holds you over in the meantime! *insert Lil Wayne - Sorry 4 The Wait - here*. I've said it a million times and I will say it a million more, I cannot get my brain to stay in one tense while writing so ignore it the best you can lol. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

I am not a professional writer and all of this is a work of fiction and is strictly for fun. Enjoy! xxx

Previous Sections: Prologue - Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight - Epilogue - The Wedding Pt.1

You’re not sure how long you’ve been staring at the dark ceiling when you hear your phone start to vibrate on the side table, causing you to groan. Just because your nerves are keeping you awake doesn’t mean you want to talk to anyone. When you see his name flash across your screen your first reaction is to laugh at his insistence but quickly anxiety washes over you. Every possible thing that could be wrong flashing through your mind as you answer his call.

“Lew?” You croak out, your voice dry in your throat.

“Hey. Shit, I didn’t wake you did I? Just needed to hear your voice and this can’t possibly count as me seeing you before the wedding.” He’s quiet on the other end, probably trying not to wake Miles in the other room.

“No, can’t sleep.” You admit. You’ve thought a few times throughout the night that you should have given in and let him hold you tonight, knowing you more than likely already would have fallen asleep.

“Neither can I, my nerves are going crazy.” He sounds vulnerable and you can’t help but worry.

“Not backing out on me, are you?” You attempt to joke, even though the anxiety is real.

“What? No, baby, never.” He laughs at the absurdity of your question, making you feel that much better, “No, I’m just stressing over the whole thing. Thinking maybe we should have just run away and eloped.”

“We still can.” You giggle, knowing he’s joking but understanding the feeling.

He joins you in your laughter before falling silent. You know he’s too deep in his own thoughts so you let him settle on what he wants to say.

“I’m just worried something will go wrong like the catering will be shit or the decorations won’t be right. I don’t know, I just need it to be perfect for you. Perfect for us.” He finally shares, his voice is tired.

“Lew, the only thing that could possibly ruin tomorrow is if for some reason we legally can’t get married. Even if we end up in a courthouse, I’m ending the day as your wife. Everything else is just an excuse for us to throw a kick ass party.” You try your best to assure him.

His laugh comes through the phone before he lets out a sigh, “You’re right, nothing else matters. This is why I’m marrying you ya’ know.”

“Why? Because I would have said yes even if you proposed with a ring pop?” You tease him, your smile spreading across your face.

“Well that,” He laughs, “but also because with two sentences from you, I’ve felt calmer than I’ve felt since the second I got here to the hotel. You always manage to make everything seem okay and truth be told as long as I have you, it is.”

His words hit you deep, knowing how much he means them.

“You know you’re supposed to save the vows for later, right?” You joke, trying not to choke up, knowing if you’re too sincere with him right now you will end up in tears.

“I love you Y/N.” He says simply, aware you're trying not to get too emotional.

“I love you Lewis. You wanna stay on the phone?” It’s something you’ve done many times while he’s been away and the distance has gotten to be too much. You barely talk, just content in the sound of each other's breathing and the rustle of the others sheets.

“If you don’t mind?” He sounds nervous again, like he feels like he’s asking too much of you.

“Always. Good night Lew, I love you.” You say quietly, settling back into your bed.

“I love you baby.”

You don’t say another word, both falling asleep quickly after your chat. The comfort of each other being all you needed to truly relax.

* * *

Charlotte's soft voice ringing through the room is the first thing you hear as you try to adjust to being awake. The second you start to come into yourself, the nerves come flooding in.

“You didn’t hear a word I just said, did you?” Charlotte is laughing as you sit up in bed. Your phone is still sitting on top of the comforter next to you, the call now having ended. You can only assume Lewis is already awake and getting ready or his phone died. You can’t help but smile at the memory of your conversation last night, both of you needing a moment of solace within the other.

“What?” You ask groggily, attempting to wipe the sleep from your eyes.

“Well, to start I said Good Morning Ms. Soon to be Hamilton,” She started, her voice much too loud before realizing and quieting right down, “then I told you that hair and makeup are on their way to the venue and the car will be here in about an hour.”

You raised your eyebrows at her as she sat down on the bed.

“I know, I should have woken you up earlier but I heard you talking in here at almost three in the morning, I assume with Lewis, and I wanted you to get some sleep,” She explains softly, putting her hand up to stop you as you go to respond, “there’s a light breakfast here if you want some, but you have plenty of time to shower and grab some food. If you don’t eat now, I’ve already scheduled some food for you at the venue that you can eat while they're doing your hair before you get your makeup done.”

You let out a sigh, thankful that she has thought ahead, you go to thank her but she starts again.

“I’ve already confirmed with four different people at the venue that your dress is there, hair and makeup has a place to set up, your room is on the other side of the building from Lewis so you won’t run into him, and all of the decorations have arrived and are being set up. The only thing you have to do today is let us take care of you, know that Miles and I have everything under control, and get married!” She finishes her spiel with a smirk, knowing that everything she just covered were concerns running through your mind, always proving even further why she was your Maid of Honor.

“Thank you, you are an absolute angel.” You say as you grab her hand.

“I do have to ask, just being nosy,” She starts, laughing gently, “was it Lewis on the phone last night?”

You feel yourself blushing unnecessarily, there being no reason to be embarrassed for talking to the man you are about to marry.

“Yeah, neither of us could sleep, just needed to talk to each other for a second.” You say sheepishly.

“And that right there is why you two are getting married today baby!” She says enthusiastically, once again much louder than you would prefer for the time of day.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” You tell her as you push yourself out of bed, feeling your stomach growl, “food will be there for me?”

She laughs at your need to double check before nodding, “Yes there will, I heard that, you need some food.”

“Leave me alone.” You grumble, laughing softly to yourself too as you stumble to the bathroom.

“You’ve got an hour, let me know if you need anything.” You hear her yell as she makes her way out of your bedroom to let you shower in peace.

It feels like you’ve entered an alternate universe once you are out of the shower. You ended up taking longer than anticipated and were being rushed to get dressed before ushered downstairs and into the back of another town car. Charlotte had a small bag packed for you and said she would take care of your luggage that was still in the room after the wedding, keeping the suite for the bridal party to stay in after the event. 

Your jaw almost dropped when the car finally pulled into the venue. You had been there before, a few times actually, over the last two summer breaks with Lewis, trying to finally decide. But now… now it was snowing, a winter wonderland surrounding the manor that had been deemed a castle by almost everyone around you and you couldn’t help but agree. A castle had been a dream of yours as a kid but never something you found realistic as an adult, safe to say realistic wasn’t in Lewis’ vocabulary when it came to your wedding. You had been watching Downton Abbey for the third time one night and made an offhand joke to Lewis about how you should get married at Highclere Castle, from then on he had made it his mission to find something that fit the bill. His first thought had been the castle itself but it hadn’t been an option, instead he found a place just outside of London that you had never heard of, something your wedding planner had never even seen, it was perfect. It was large and regal but still fit with both of your styles, allowing it to be decorated with a fine line of modernity and tradition. 

When you pulled up to the front door it looked as though you had stepped into a movie, the snow painting the perfect backdrop despite your hesitance. You hadn’t been sure about a winter wedding but Lewis was impatient and winter was his favorite season. He had done so much of what you had dreamed of that you couldn’t help but agree, knowing it didn’t matter when or where you got married, as long as it ended with him.

Charlotte was quickly ushering you and your mother inside and out of the cold. The entrance was bustling with people moving flower arrangements, chairs, tables, everything you had asked for being set up right in front of your eyes. Charlotte was pulling you down the hallway to your left before you had a chance to even take it all in.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m rushing around but you can relax the second we get you into the bridal suite. I promise.” She was apologizing from in front of you while you tried to keep up with her brisk pace, your mom close behind you.

“Are we late?” You couldn’t help but ask, feeling nervous all over again.

“No , we’re perfectly on time, but the damn men are early and I will be damned if Lewis wins and sees you before you’re at the altar.” Her voice is serious and you can’t help but laugh out loud. It truly isn’t that big of a deal to you but the moment you mentioned it being part of the plan Charlotte and Miles made it their top priority for the day of the wedding.

“It’s really not that big of a deal.” You continue to laugh at Charlotte as she slows down once you’ve reached the doors of the suite. Secretly you wouldn’t mind a quick hello, or even just a glimpse at his beautiful face, but she was determined.

“It’s part of the plan therefore we will be sticking to it, everything will be exactly how you want it today.” Her voice is stern before she opens the door to the suite and welcomes you in.

You’re immediately welcomed by the crew you had hired to take care of everyones hair and makeup. You had spent a while choosing the perfect team and had been in touch with them frequently over the last few months and the familiar faces made you excited. Charlotte tells you to take a seat on the plush couch off to the side and makes her way over to talk with the crew, making sure everything is taken care of for you. Your mom comes to join you on the couch, mimosas in hand with a shocked look on her face, acting as if she doesn’t know where they came from. You giggle as you happily take one from her hand while someone sets food on the small table in front of you, immediately reminding you of how hungry you were back at the hotel.

“You should have something to eat, even if it’s just a nibble. You have some time before you need to start getting ready.” Your mom tells you softly, gesturing towards the spread sitting in front of you.

You nod, leaning forward to grab a pastry as you watch Charlotte in amusement, animated as ever while she gets everyone and everything organized. You take a moment to sit in silence, well as silent as it can be with people bustling about, letting yourself take it all in. You continue to eat as much as you feel you can keep down before someone is suggesting you get in your robe. When you come back from the changing room there are many more people in the room, everyone finally arrived and ready to get ready. You had decided to keep the wedding parties small on both sides. You had Charlotte as your maid of honor, your cousin who had become a sister to you over the years, and your childhood best friend. Miles was Lewis’ best man, Nicolas, and Daniel. Your mom was getting ready with you as well as Linda, Carmen and Lewis’ sisters.

As you sat in the chair watching your hair transform, joking and laughing with your stylist Javier, you took in the sight around you through the mirror. Both families and friends blending into one big happy group, laughing together and sharing mimosas. You were thrilled at the thought of everyone becoming one large family, beyond excited for the next chapter of your life.

“Ladies! I need to say something before everyone starts with their makeup,” Charlottes voice commanded the room getting everyone's attention, “thank you! Okay, I just need to start by saying Y/N, I love you so much and I am so beyond thrilled that you are marrying my second best friend,” she sends you a wink as you both laugh with Lewis not even in the room to defend his decade long friendship, “he is like a brother to me and you very quickly became my little sister. That being said, I want to stress to every one that today is supposed to be perfect and WE are going to make sure it is,” her words are firm as she gestures around the room to your bridesmaids, “these two mean the absolute world to me and after everything it took to get them to this point I will not settle for ‘okay’, we’re looking for perfection.”

“Char, it’s-” You try to stop her, feeling like she’s making far too big a deal out of your day.

“Nope, Y/N, let me say this, you deserve it.” She shushes you before continuing, “I want everyone to have an absolute blast but most importantly I NEED Y/N and Lewis to have the best day of their lives. Annoying guest? Figure it out. Issue with the rings? Find me or Miles. Trouble with your dress? Suck it up, today isn’t about us.” Her voice is that of a strict teacher as she lectures your family and friends and you can’t help but roll your eyes and laugh before the comment about the rings latches on to your brain, “Y/N, babe, I love you so much and I am so happy for you. You are marrying the best human I know, well second to you of course, and I cannot wait to see the life that you two create together, I know it will be magical. Cheers everybody!”

You barely even register the sweet words she directs at you as she finishes her speech, your body working on auto pilot to raise you mimosa for her toast. The moment she sees the look on your face she’s rushing over to you.

“Hon, what’s wrong? You look worried.”

“What’s wrong with the rings? They’re here, right? They look correct? Nothing’s broken? You said there’s a problem with the rings, what's the problem?” You rush out your new concerns, not taking a moment to think once she’s in front of you.

“What? No, no, everything’s fine. Why would there be a problem with the rings?” She asks you confused for a moment before the realization dawns on her face, “Oh sweetie that was just an example, everything is totally fine. It’s exactly like we talked about, I have your band and Miles has Lewis’, I even texted him when we got here to make sure he had it. Do you want to see yours? I have it in my bag, I can go grab it.” Her words of reassurance are rushed as she tries to calm the new anxiety fluttering through your mind.

“No, oh my god, sorry, I just…” You shake your head, wanting to laugh at yourself for becoming so panicked so quickly, “I think my brain just blacked out after I heard ‘issue with the rings’, I don’t know why I let that freak me out so much.”

“It’s okay, you have a lot going on and this is a big deal, don’t worry about it, it’s what I’m here for.” Charlotte calms you, rubbing your forearm as she squats in front of your chair.

“Alright beautiful bride! Ready to make that gorgeous face even better?” Javier’s voice comes excitedly from behind you, rubbing your shoulders as he tries to coax you to turn around so he can start on your makeup.

You take a deep breath, the reality of the day settling into the pit of your stomach, before turning around, ready to be transformed. You’ve had him do this look on you numerous times, wanting to make sure it was exactly what you wanted and you trust his skills, but still the underlying anxiety refuses to leave you. You had opted for a more natural look, similar to what you would do on the day to day but elevated, you wanted to look like yourself, like the you that Lewis fell in love with. As you sat in the chair being pampered, listening to people bustle around behind you, a billion new scary thoughts and anxieties swarmed through your head.

You know you’re making the right choice, there is no one in the universe better made for you than Lewis and no one who you could love or love you more than him. You know everything is taken care of and planned to your liking, but you didn’t place each flower or taste every dish prepared today. You know all of the most important people in your life RSVP’d yes, but you haven’t laid eyes on them today, you don’t know if they’ve arrived on time. Every single detail that has been a stress in the back of your mind for the last year has now become the only thing you can think about. You’re trying so hard to let them slip to the background, to stay in the moment, enjoy the laughter of your bridal party and the random chatter from Javier, but it doesn’t work.

Your mom is the first to notice, seeing you with a furrowed brow and your eyes shut tight as Javier steps away to grab something.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” She asks quietly, her hand resting on your shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze.

The sound of her voice almost brings you to tears and you can’t quite explain why. You look at her through the mirror, noticing the deep concern on her face.

“Everyone wants it to be so perfect, what if it isn’t? I asked everyone to travel so far and what if it lets them down. The Hamilton wedding is supposed to be THE event, what if it’s not right or something goes wrong or it isn’t what people were expecting?” You ramble so quietly you’re worried she won’t be able to hear you.

“Oh, my sweet girl,” She says through a pout, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and meeting you cheek to cheek, “not an ounce of what you just said matters, I know you’re nervous but don’t stress yourself. Today is supposed to be one of the best days of your life, not because of how fancy it is or what caterer you hired, but because you are marrying a man that will love you, protect you, and take care of you for the rest of your life. I know that it feels like it’s all about the party and the flair, but today you are taking a step for you and Lewis and that is all that matters, you are building your life with an amazing man who would move mountains for you and that is all that matters. All you have to worry about is making it to the end of the aisle, saying I Do, and kissing your husband. We’re all just lucky that we get to witness it.”

“Fuck,” you breathe out with a dry laugh, “you’re right. It’s just so much.”

“Just keep reminding yourself that that beautiful man is going to be legally yours till death do you part.” She laughs before kissing your cheek, lightening your mood as you picture his perfect face. While her words do ease your nerves a new very important thought pops into your head, a new non-negotiable.

“Charlotte.” You call out urgently, aware of your time crunch.

“I’m here, what do you need?” She asks quickly, rushing to your side like a lady in wait.

“Lewis,” You start, watching as her eyebrows shoot up in a disapproving look, “no I know, I won’t look at him or let him look at me, I just need to squeeze his hand and hear his voice, I promise.”

She still doesn’t look quite convinced as you plead with her, “Y/N, no seeing Lewis was a very hard rule from day one of wedding planning. Are you sure?”

“Char, please, figure out a way so I don’t see him, we’ll stick to the rules but he’s been there to calm me down and make sure I’m okay for every major thing in my life for a more than half a decade and I don’t know about you but I’d say this is a pretty major thing! It won’t be any worse than me talking to him last night, I swear.” You plead with her, grabbing her hands, suddenly very set on needing to at least speak to Lewis before walking down the aisle.

“Okay, okay, yes, I will make it happen, but before you get into your dress, just in case, gimme a sec.” She agrees as her face softens, seeing your desperation, realizing that she too would need Lewis for a moment before something this big. He may be your lover, your fiance, the man you are about to spend the rest of your life with, but at the core he is your best friend, the man that has been there for you since you showed up at game night years ago, your other half.

Charlotte quickly leaves the room after squeezing your hand and telling Javier he can start working again. You assume she’s headed to find Miles, or she’s gone straight to Lewis. You start to get anxious yet again that you may be causing Lewis anxiety, you should have told her to tell him that you’re fine and just being selfish, remembering the moment of fear you had last night when he had called you.

You’re not sure how long it takes her but once your makeup is finished she has returned and is requesting for you to follow her. You feel silly walking out of the suite with pinned hair and your robe on but all you can think about is talking to Lewis, eager to hear his voice as if you’ve just started dating. Charlotte ushers you down a hallway to an empty room with a door on the other side. You’re far enough away from everyone that the noise has quieted and you can subsequently feel your brain calming down, realizing just how overstimulated you’ve been for the last few hours. Charlotte guides you to the far wall of the room, next to the door frame, turning you to back up against it before gently knocking on the door. It takes only a second for the door to open, Miles’ smiling face appearing next to you.

“Well hello beauty, you look fucking incredible.” He says before leaning in to kiss your cheek.

“It’s not fair that I don’t get to see her.” You hear your fiance whine from the other side of the wall, making you giggle and your cheeks warm.

“All in due time brother, you’re the lucky one though, you get to see her at the altar.” Miles says teasingly, leaning back through the door to look at Lewis before coming back to you, “So I have your fiance here as requested. Char and I will give you guys some privacy.”

“Thank you Miles, I’m sorry if this is a pain, I just needed a minute.” You tell him, reaching out to squeeze his arm.

Before he can respond, Miles is bursting out into a laugh, “Love, this was a help on my end, mans has been so annoyed that he hasn’t been allowed to see you all day, he hasn’t shut up about you once. Enjoy, you evidently both need it.” He says as his laughter begins to die down, sending a disapproving look into the room behind you where you assume Lewis is giving him the same back. “You guys have five minutes, and absolutely no peeking.”

“We won’t.” You and Lewis both promise in unison, making both of you giggle as Charlotte and Miles walk away to another room to give you your privacy.

“I mean it!” Miles turns around to yell, still walking backwards as he points his finger at you, “ I will know just by the look on bruvs face if he caught a glimpse of you, don’t you dare.”

“We’ll be good, I promise. Thank you guys!” You yell back at him as they disappear through a nearby door.

“Hey you.” You hear Lewis’ soft voice after a moment, your heart swelling just upon hearing the recognizable timbre.

“Hi.” You squeak, forgetting everything you had wanted to say when you asked Charlotte to make this happen.

“Are you okay?” He asks you, his voice filled with concern and care.

“Yes, oh my god yes,” You start, your anxiety of concerning him coming back tenfold, “I’m so sorry, I just, I don’t know, I was getting really anxious and then I realized that I haven’t had a big moment in life without you either being right there or calling me for like more than five years and then I got worried that I wouldn’t make it through something like this without talking to you first, which is silly because I know I’m literally preparing myself to marry you, like I’m going to see you at the altar in like an hour but I don’t know, my mom said all this stuff about how amazing you are trying to calm my nerves and then I realized I absolutely had to at least talk to you and I’m sorry if you were busy, I’m not trying to be needy, you just calm me and this day is so much and there's so much going on and it has to be perfect and-” Your words are rushed, not thinking them through as you ramble to him, not stopping to even take a breath.

“Y/N,” Lewis cuts you off, his voice firm but gentle, “it’s okay, please take a breath.”

You drop your head, almost embarrassed by how calm he sounds with the emotions swirling around in your head at the moment. You listen to his request and take a deep breath, trying to calm your breathing and your mind.

“Good, now another.” He instructs you calmly as you feel his hand sneak around the door frame and brush your hip.

The moment you see his skin you reach down and grasp his hand firmly, needing him to ground you as you take yet another deep breath.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper as you squeeze his hand, trying to breathe like he wants you to.

“Baby, you have nothing to be sorry for,” He starts softly, squeezing your hand just as firmly, “I know this whole thing is a lot and there’s so much going on, but none of that is important. I don’t give a fuck how anything goes as long as I get to end the night married to you, that’s all that matters today,” His voice is soft as he assures you, washing over you like a warm blanket before it turns cheeky as he adds, “well I also want to see you in that dress and obviously whatever you have underneath it.”

You want to laugh and cry at the same time, amused by how easily a stupid (yet serious) comment could lift your spirits, simply because it came from him. Amazed that the same sentiment that has been spoken to you by everyone around you with no avail, could take a burden off your chest simply because they came from his mouth.

“I love you so much Lew.” You reply, squeezing his hand so hard you’re worried you’ll hurt him, trying to fight back tears as you do.

“I love you so much my sweet girl and I will tell you just how much when you meet me at the altar. You’ve changed my life, you’ve made me a better man, a better human, you’ve made me happier than I knew was even possible and I want nothing more than to marry you today. I don’t care how that happens, if you want to run away right now and head to vegas we can, at the end of the day I just want you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and nothing matters besides us. This whole castle could burn down right now and as long as I still had you I truly would not care. I love you so much and today is going to be incredible no matter what happens, but I bet you nothing will go wrong because we planned it and we’re pretty amazing.” He sealed his words with a kiss to the back of your hand, chuckling as he finished. His lips on your skin gave you a whole new sense of confidence and ignited a fire in the pit of your stomach.

You wished so badly that you could see him, that you could properly kiss him, but you reminded yourself that you were close to the finish line, that he would be all yours soon.

“I love you too, so so much, thank you for this, I’m sorry if I interrupted, I just needed to hear your voice and be close to you.” You admit to him with a sigh as you lean back against the wall.

“You’re never an interruption, whenever you need me I’m here, always. Besides, Miles wasn’t lying, I’ve been going crazy since we left the rehearsal dinner wanting to see you, touch you, kiss you, talk to you, literally anything. I know we’ve gone weeks apart from each other but everything feels different right now.” He tells you, making you smile, that you're not completely alone in your desperation. You take a moment, leaning against the wall in silence as you hold his hand, letting your nerves wash away.

“Alright, love birds! Time to go get fancy and hit the altar!” Miles’ voice cuts through your moment as he hollers and claps, returning to the room.

You let out a sigh, wishing your moment with Lewis could continue but reluctantly begin to move away from the wall. Before you can get too far, he is gripping your hand and pulling you back to place a kiss on your hand before leaving a lingering kiss on your pulse point.

“I love you Y/N, just come meet me at the altar. Nothing else matters.” His words are muttered into the skin of your wrist before he finally lets you go and Charlotte is ushering you away back to your suite as Miles stands guard making sure Lewis doesn’t cheat and sneak a peek at you.

“Feeling better?” Char asks as you make your way down the hall.

“So much better, I feel perfect.” You say through a smile, meaning it wholeheartedly, “ I’M GETTING MARRIED!”

[huuuuughes]

Mine. - Jeremy Swayman

Summary: Jeremy comes over to beg for your forgiveness, and things quickly take a turn... but not for the worst.

Word count: 3.3k (its short ik im sorry)

WARNINGS: Daddy kink, dirty talk, unprotected sex, bad writing??? idk this is porn OKAY READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. pls dont read if you're under 18 thank u!!

Note: i wrote this awhile ago for goalie week and then a bunch of stuff happened and i kept forgetting to post it bc i started my first full time job a month ago and its kicking my BUTT. anyways thanks for reading :)

You could hear your phone going off from across the room. It was Friday night and the end of a very long work week. Your boss was driving you up the wall and your personal life didn’t seem to be going much better. Your friends were good, you just didn’t get to see them as often as you wanted due to just being adults and everyone having their own full time jobs. 

The one person who was supposed to make your life easier, better even, was the one currently blowing up your phone. You knew exactly who it was, but he deserved to sit there and stew for a while. But as you looked around your apartment while trying to decide what show to numb your mind with, you noticed things of his strewn everywhere. You didn’t live together, not yet anyway, but based on the amount of things you had at each others’ places, you may as well have. 

Your work involved working with many different clients, and making their dreams come true. You were a travel agent, and your boss didn't exactly adhere to the typical 9-5 schedule like a normal job. If you were awake, she expected you to be able to take care of the problem. 

You had already decided long ago that men didn’t always think with their brains. Jeremy was jealous, but of what you had no idea. Did you have a lot of clients who were men who wanted to surprise the lady in their lives? Yes. Did those scumbags also try and make a move on you sometimes? Also yes. But you were a professional, and always conducted yourself as such. As much as you wanted to, it wasn’t your job to fix someone else’s insecurities. You could tell Jeremy that he didn’t need to be jealous until you were blue in the face, but you didn’t know when he was going to get it. You weren’t broken up, but you’d told him you needed a minute for him to calm down. It had been a few days at that point, and you couldn’t deny you were also getting antsy. He may be a stupid guy sometimes, but he was yours.

After what had to be the millionth time of your phone going off with a DING of a text, you made yourself get up off the couch. The last message you had read:

Sway❤️: I know I’m stupid. I need you to know I’m sorry. Can I see you, please? 

After the stressful week you’d had, you wanted nothing more than to feel his familiar warmth around you. The moment he was near you it was like the noise around you calmed down to its lowest level. 

Y/N: I’m at home, you know where to find me. 

Sway❤️: I’m on my way, be there in 20. I love you. 

The next twenty minutes were going to kill you. Your apartment was already cleaned, because you liked to clean when you got anxious as mess only made you more anxious. Your doorman would recognize Jeremy and send him up when he arrived, so you didn’t need to even get up to let him in. He had his key, he knew exactly where to find you. 

After an eternity, at least what felt like one, you heard the familiar sound of a key in the lock. He quietly took off his shoes by the door, and locked it behind him. 

“Babe?” He called out, already walking toward the living room where you sat. 

“I’m in here!” You called back. Relief washed over you when you saw him, but you didn’t get up and go to him. He had to earn you back the way you deserved. 

“Where should I start?” He asked, sitting down in a chair only a few feet away from you. 

“How about how you shouldn’t act jealous of my stupid clients? Or any man that I’m ever with that isn’t you? Do you really think I’m that crappy of a person that I would EVER cheat on you?”

“I know I shouldn’t, I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t do that because you’re the best person I’ve ever known, but-“

“BUT WHAT JEREMY?” You screamed, and you know it came out louder and meaner than you wanted it to. He recoiled a little bit but didn’t lose his energy. 

“I’m stupid. I’m a stupid guy, who knows you are way out of my league. It sounds like a dumb excuse, but I’m so scared of losing you. I want you, I want to love you, I want to be with you for the rest of my life. But you’ve seen the league, you’ve seen what this life can do to relationships and what it turns people into. I don’t want anything bad to happen to us. I know this isn’t the life you signed on for. I think about you being at home alone and I hate it.” He looked defeated and like he meant every word he’d said. 

“You can’t lose something you already have.” You wanted to close the space between you so badly. 

“You still want to be with me?” You got up and walked to the kitchen as he asked, putting away the wine you’d gotten out so it wouldn’t spoil. He followed closely, less than a few steps away. One giant step and he’d be able to close that space. 

“I wouldn’t have told you to come if I didn’t. You just needed to listen, and you weren’t hearing me. You don’t have to be jealous of anyone, that isn’t who I am.”

“I hear you loud and clear now. And I’m not jealous, you’re just mine.” The tone in his voice shifted to another one you recognized. 

“I’m yours huh?” You said it like you were challenging him because it sounded like he thought he already won. He should be fighting for you and showing you what that means. 

“Do you need a reminder?” He closed the space, so his forehead rested against yours. You could feel his hot breath on your face, breathing in time with you. Without warning, you pressed your lips against his with a new hunger behind you. You’d missed this heat between you, the raw need to have each other right in that moment. 

His hands explored your body, finding their way to your ass and lifting you up onto the counter. It was cold against your legs, the shorts you had on weren’t very long and you felt every inch of cold countertop but you didn’t care. His lips left yours with a moan and began making their way down your neck. You could feel how wet you were already getting, responding to his touch so quickly. You reached for the hem of his shirt and motioned for him to take it off. He complied in earnest, his mouth immediately returning to you.

Lifting your shirt up and over your head, your breasts became exposed for him to devour. He licked around your nipple, biting it and chasing you to arch off the counter while letting out a scream. Your nails were digging into every spot on him that he could reach. Momentarily he kissed your mouth again, bringing his still covered cock against your center. You could feel it hard against you, the friction only giving you the slightest relief. 

“Please daddy, please I need-“ You tried not to beg but the torture was killing you. 

“Tell me you’re mine and I’ll give you exactly what you want. Tell daddy who you belong to princess.” He whispered in your ear, continuing to kiss around your neck in the spot he knew you liked. 

“YOURS. I’M YOURS!” You needed relief or you were going to go insane. 

“Now was that so hard baby?” He asked. You didn’t even have the time or energy to reply as he pulled off your shorts in one big motion. 

“No underwear? Even better.” You attempted to push his head toward your swollen clit, but he wouldn’t go faster than he wanted to. He kissed and bit your thighs, leaving marks where he knew no one could see. You’d have those marks there for weeks. Each kiss he got closer until you finally felt his tongue brush against your clit. You shivered as he began to devour you, your thighs clenching around his head not wanting him to escape.

He pulled back but only for a moment, instructing you to lick the fingers he was putting in front of your face. You did as he asked, and he resumed going after your pussy. In a new move, he inserted his fingers into you as he continued eating. His tongue was licking in time with his fingers as they pumped in and out of you. He was hitting a spot in you that you didn’t even know was there.

“Holy shit don’t stop, don’t stop PLEASE.” You were writhing on top of the counter as he struggled to hold you in place. He knew you were so close to your high, edging you just along that fine line. You’re burning up and he knows it. His other hand reaches up and pinches your nipple before grabbing onto your breasts like they were his lifeline. 

You cursed him silently for having hair you couldn’t grab onto, but you pressed his head as if it could go further into you. His tongue quickened its pace, matching his fingers. You could feel your orgasm building and it was right there, all you needed to do was let go. 

“Let go baby girl, cum on my face for me..” He whispered against your clit,  and what came out of yours was a series of expletives that you didn’t care to understand. He could taste everything you were giving him, not stopping as you started to come down. Every nerve ending was on overdrive and he held you down against the counter. The wave of your orgasm rolled over you, your heart pounding in your chest. He didn’t let a single drop of you miss his mouth, and you saw his smile looking up at you as you tried to catch your breath. 

He stood up without breaking eye contact, and undid his own pants. He made sure all remaining clothes of yours were off, nibbling on your ears and down your neck as he did so. In a move of complete trust, he picked you up off of the counter and carried you down to where he knew your room was. His lips found yours again and suddenly your lungs were struggling for air but you didn’t care. Your arms were hooked around his neck as he walked, kissing him like your life depended on it. 

Setting you down on the bed, he laid you down on your back, and stood back to marvel at the sight of you. 

“You look… “ his brain was struggling to find the right word, “fucking stunning.” 

“And you have too many clothes on… sir.” You put yourself up on your elbows, looking down at his boxers that for some reason, had remained on. You didn’t need to let him finish what he was going to say, you needed him to do something more than speak. 

“Sir?” He raised an eyebrow and stepped closer to you. 

“Did you like that?”  You knew he did but it was your way of teasing. His mouth was on yours before you could process his next movements, placing one hand to your side to balance himself and the other knotted in your hair, pulling your head back so you were looking up at him when he pulled apart. You didn’t even realize that his boxers were already off, as you felt his cock brush against your leg and pussy. 

His hand left your hair and explored your leg, getting closer to its destination. His face was so close you could feel his hot breath on your face and his fingers glided over your folds, but so lightly it sent a shiver up your spine. You could hardly catch your breath but you were dying for him to touch you, to fuck you until you couldn’t remember your own name. You wanted him to hear you. His hand remained on your pussy, his fingers becoming soaked.

“So fucking wet for me baby.. did you miss me?” He quickened his fingers and began pumping them inside you. The feeling of his fingers wasn’t enough, you needed more and a whine-like moan escaped you. You whispered a response to him, and it spurred him on. 

“Please Jeremy please, please I need you inside me..” 

“That’s not my fucking name, not in here. In here I own you, isn't that right princess? Do you want me to be gentle?” You nod no, but that isn’t enough for him.

“Use your words princess.”

“No.”

“No, what?”

“Don’t be gentle!” You tried pushing his head towards your core again, but he remained looking at you with his fingers teasing you. He added another, stretching you from the inside. You gasped and scratched your nails up his back. 

You gasp again, as you feel him part you with two fingers and put his tongue against you again. He wasn’t done tasting you yet.

“Please baby, I need your cock. Please!” Your mouth couldn’t move fast enough and you didn’t even care that he had reduced you to a begging mess beneath him. Your hips wanted to grind, needing more friction. You could feel your release building again as he sucks on your clit. It was right there, you could feel it as you clawed at your sheets trying to grab onto something but there was nothing. 

Your legs spasmed around his head as your release flooded over you and he ate you once again. 

“So fucking wet for me, you’re so stunning baby girl.” He kissed his way up your body and aligned himself with your entrance. He isn’t gentle as he slams into you as he kisses your mouth like you’re the only thing keeping him alive. 

You’re left begging for air as his head drops down, ducking your nipple into his mouth. 

“Oh god, oh fuck..” you cry out as he wasn’t holding back. He slammed into you over and over, bringing his hand up to find your clit. As he fucked you he was playing with your clit again, causing your wetness to pool onto the bed. Every single nerve you had was on fire, and only he could put it out. 

“Tell me you need it, tell me how bad you want you want my cum.” The hand not on your clit slowly moves up your body to the bottom of your throat and locking his hand around it. Not putting too much pressure, but enough to lightly choke you. Both of your hands gripped his arm as  you felt his cock filling you and his thighs slapping against yours. His speed was increasing and so was the hunger in his eyes. 

“Oh fuck, fuck daddy please I need your cum I need you so bad..!” 

“You are mine, your orgasms are mine, everything about you is mine.” Without warning he withdrew from you, earning a desperate moan. Quickly he flipped you over into your stomach, pulling your hips back so you were on your hands and knees facing away from him with your ass in the air waving him in like an invitation. 

“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” He whispers into your ear from behind you. He places kisses on the spot in your neck he knows drives you crazy, running his cock along your folds at the same time. He pushes into you again and holds back nothing. Jeremy grips both of your hips with his hands and brings your hips back to meet each one of his thrusts. The sound of his thighs hitting your ass echoes throughout the room, reaching spots inside you that you didn’t know he could. 

You couldn’t hold yourself up anymore, you collapsed into the bed as he fucked into you. 

“So fucking tight princess, this pussy was made for me.” His nails scratch down your back eliciting a loud string of moans. His thrusts become more erratic and he brings his hand up, then down to smack your ass as hard as he could. The scream you made encouraged him more, and you could feel a third orgasm building.

“Fuck daddy, please I’m right there I need to cum daddy please..” You didn’t know how he had gotten that many out of you, but you could already tell he was determined for more. 

“That’s it baby, cum for me, cum all over my cock..” He brought his hand around as he leaned into you to tease your clit some more. You were right there, you pushed back to meet his thrusts to get yourself over the hill and the relief washed over you. You moaned out his name, begging for him to fuck you harder and faster. 

He loved seeing his length go in and out of you, taking all of him so well. Spreading your legs to give him a better angle, his cock continued hitting that spot inside you. He slaps your ass again, and again. You cry out, knowing his release was close behind. His hands wrap in your hair and pull you back, making you arch towards him. 

“Fuck yes baby, you like it when I fuck you like this? You ready for my cum?” He chases his release just as badly as you want it from him, feeling him trying to reach his high. You nodded in response to him, not being able to form any more words. The only sounds coming from you were moans of encouragement, it felt like you could be on cloud nine. 

“FUCK!” He screamed as he pulled almost all the way out, slamming back in and releasing his load into you. Jeremy almost collapsed onto you, but he brought you into his arms as he pulled out of you as his cum slowly leaked back out. You knew he thought it was the hottest thing ever. Both trying to catch your breath and come back down to earth, he pulled you in once you laid down so that you were on his chest. You could hear his heartbeat going a million miles a minute inside his chest, but it brought you a sense of calm. Your person was back where he belonged, he had finally heard you. 

“I love you.” He finally spoke but he still sounded out of breath.

“I love you too.”

“No, you don’t understand. I love you, I really love you. THIS is what I want. This body, your perfect fucking curves. Every minute of every hour of every day, I want you. Not just your body, I want all of you. I’m sorry I was so stupid. I can’t promise you that I won’t make stupid choices sometimes, but I can promise to be better for you every day.”

“Jer-“ You attempted to stop him, you knew he was it too. 

“Please let me finish. I want to make you feel good, I want to be the person you want to come home to every day, I want to be the person who pushes you to be the best version of yourself and make you feel like the queen of the world. You’re it for me, there is no one else. I’ve spent my whole life doubting myself and chasing this dream I couldn’t even describe. But I can see it so clearly now, and I know that dream is you. And I want to be able to have forever with you, if you’ll have me.” You took a moment to absorb his words. 

“You have to make me a promise okay?” His eyes gleamed at you, like you were holding up the moon just for him. 

“Anything, you name it.”

“Promise me forever. There is no past anymore, there is only us and the future we make together. I want us to help each other be better. Okay?”

“Okay. How about we start forever now?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

[weixuldo]

Enigma// ch 18

anakin x reader

a/n: shit man, stuff is getting tough! i really didn’t think this fic was gonna b as long as it’s becoming hahaha/ ngl even if ppl r losing interest, im still gonna continue it for me heheh- i really like this story :)

The night gets worse and worse

warnings: cursing, cannon disabled character, insecurity, alcohol abuse, emtephobia (barf and stuff…), DONT DO WHAT ANAKIN DOES PLS LORD, ableist comments

_______________________________

As it does, time went by and you tried to move on.

When school ended you moved in with Ahsoka and split rent; it was nice having your best friend around whenever you needed it, plus the two of you shared groceries so the cost of living was much more affordable than if you had gotten your own place. 

As much as you tried to remove Anakin from your mind, he just wouldn’t seem to leave so you enlisted the help of a professional. 

You would go to therapy sessions twice a week; not solely because of Anakin but he definitely was part of it.

Mainly you went to try and deal with the reality of being such a young mother and work on letting your stress out in positive ways: though on occasion you would try to gain insight on your relationship with the older man.

When the therapist asked about him, you explained all he had been through and let her know you knew some of the reasons he acted the way he did; but your therapist assured you no matter the reasons, that didn’t negate the validity of your feelings. 

The first few times you went you were skeptical; how was talking to some random person supposed to help you feel relieved and emotionally stable?

But after a few sessions, you started to see a difference in your moods and outlook on things. 

It was a few days after Anakin’s results came in that Ash told you about the visit she paid Anakin; she recapped her argument with him, his relapse, and that she made him go to the clinic, she told you that she would relay his results to you as soon as she could. 

You worried that she would be upset that you didn’t tell her that he was the father or that the two of you were together, but she brushed it off, “I kinda had a feeling, ya know?”.

You felt bad that he relapsed and was all alone, but then you remembered he was alone on his own merit, his behavior pushed those who cared most away… it wasn’t your fault. 

You didn’t know how long fertility tests usually took, but you awaited the results anxiously.

Every day you woke up hoping that maybe he would reach out or that maybe he would show up at your door, but each time you only set yourself up for disappointment. 

It had been around a week after Ahsoka told you he got the test; sure these things took some time, but he should have the results by now.

You weighed the option of just asking him flat out because you were frankly over his asshole hermit bit. 

The weather was nice and you didn’t have any responsibilities today… ok, maybe you would pay him a visit. You rested a palm on your stomach as you bent over to grab your shoes from the shoe rack; you were definitely showing much more than you were during the first trimester. 

You were about to head out when your phone began to ring; it was Ahsoka.

“Hey Ash, what's up?” you asked as you searched for your keys. 

I finally got it

“Got what?”

It took a lot of coaxing, but I finally got the results

You stopped at the door and placed your keys back onto the counter top; maybe you wouldn’t have to see him. 

y/n…he’s viable.

A weight felt like it had been lifted from your chest, now he had undeniable proof you were telling the truth the whole time- everything he said was for nothing and you were vindicated. 

“That’s amazing news'' you exclaimed into the phone; surely your friend could hear the huge smile on your face just from your voice. 

Yea, but what are you going to do now? He’s the father and now he knows it… you aren’t just going to let him back in after all he did, right?

“No Ash, He knows the truth now and if he wants this or is mature enough, he will come to me and apologize. The ball is in his court” you explained.

Atta girl

You smiled at your friend’s support, “Thanks Ahsoka” 

Anytime

The phone call ended and you went back to your room- hopefully you would be hearing an apology soon or at least hearing from him in general. 

_______________________________________

Across town Anakin sat on his couch and absentmindedly flipped through the channels on his tv; he told Ahsoka the news this morning and it drained him to make the call.

Ahsoka thanked him for getting the test and asked how he felt about the news. He answered quickly and hung up. He knew she was going to tell you and that he should tell you himself and apologize. But what would that do?

It would just solidify that he was a complete asshole- you deserved so much better. Surely you would do the same that he did to you…shut you down completely and demand you leave. 

Maker, why was he such an arrogant shit?

His half drunk mind wasn’t operating at full capacity and he was making a lot of dumb rationalizations to his problems;

You already thought he was an asshole, so why even bother telling you the news himself? 

You deserved better so he should just disappear from your life and not weigh you down.

He really nothing going for him, so fuck it- he was gonna get shitfaced. 

Soon he had made his way back to the couch with a six pack of bud lite and he cracked the first one. Cheers to the pathetic joke that was his life. He gulped them down one by one and sooner than he thought, the pack was already gone. 

He had a good buzz going and went to fetch more but when he scanned his messy fridge for the tinted glass bottles he couldn’t find any. 

“Fuck” he muttered, that was his last case. 

He groaned and slammed the fridge door shut. There was nothing here to cure his itch for alcohol, so he decided tonight would be a great night to go out and get shitfaced in public, cause why the fuck not?

He got his phone out and grabbed one of the many styluses he had scattered through the house for his convenience. He called for an uber to pick him up.

As he waited he changed into pants, a long sleeve, and his gloves- it had been awhile since he had gone out and he forgot what a hassle it was to put all of that shit on. 

By the time he was dressed and collected his wallet, the uber was there. Anakin was an experienced drinker, so even though he already had six beers packed away, he could sober up if he needed to be able to get into the bar. 

The car he rode in was a nice sedan, it was silver and looked like a new model; the problem for Anakin was getting in. All of the cars he usually rode in (yours, Ahsoka’s, Ben’s, and his own) were bigger and sat higher up, so he wasn’t used to having to crouch down to get in. 

He sighed and placed a stiff hand on the roof of the car to steady himself as he lowered himself into the car; he sat with a thud and grunted.

The driver was probably only a few years his junior- he wore big circle glasses, a patterned button down and had a clean shaven face. He looked like a pushover.

Anakin winced at the overwhelming smell of eucalyptus that entered his senses; he wondered how this guy was driving for a job like this- how would he defend himself against a potential threat? By throwing his eucalyptus at them?

Ahh, what was he doing? He was being judgmental for no reason. 

“Are you alright sir?” the man asked.

“Yea, i’m fine,” Anakin said, crossing his arms. 

The man nodded and began to drive to the bar Anakin had entered into the app. 

The bar he wanted to go to was one in the heart of the city, he didn’t want to talk to anyone tonight, but he also didn’t want to be alone; this bar was perfect for that because there were always people doing some random shit that he could eavesdrop on. 

They pulled up to the curb and the driver parked the car. Anakin thanked the man and opened the door to exit. Maker, he was getting nauseous from that fucking air freshener. 

He swung one leg out of the car and pushed himself up with his opposite hand. He stood and grabbed onto the hood of the car with his hand; that was harder than it had to be… damn these prosthetics. 

Once he was standing he shut the door just as the driver was asking if he needed any assistance.

Groups of people crowded around the entrance of the establishment. Some were old regulars whose teeth looked like they were gonna fall out from all of the substances they abused and on the other side there were a group of younger kids who were trying to figure out who was going to try out their fake ID first. 

He scoffed as he pushed through both groups to get inside. The bar was warm and smelled of weed, smoke, and liquor- relief washed over the melancholic man, this is where he would be able to forget. 

An open barstool was soon occupied by him and a bartender quickly made her way down to his seat. 

“I’ll have some of that honey bourbon I've been hearing people rave about” he said, a $10 bill folded between his fingers. 

“Alright, hun, that’s commin’ right up” the busty lady on the other side of the counter said as she grabbed the 10 from his hand, her hand lingering longer than he liked. 

Anakin could tell she was trying to flirt to get a better tip; back before you, he would have gladly indulged her game and revel in every motion she would do to purposefully push up her breasts and flirt back 5 times harder than she was… but now, he had no desire.

All he could think of when she tried to flirt was how he’d much rather be having a quiet night with you, not some bartender who didn’t give a rat’s ass about his life.

His drink was placed in front of him and the woman smiled, “here you are handsome”.

Normally that wouldn’t bother him- she was just doing her job… But tonight he just couldn’t. 

Once he thanked her, she sauntered away; Anakin raised a judgey brow as she intentionally swayed her hips back and forth. When she was finally busy with another customer he called over one of the other bartenders.

“Hey man, you think you could serve me tonight, I don’t really appreciate all of her flirting” he said as blankly as he could. 

The man cleaning glasses on the other side of the mahogany surface chuckled and nodded, “haha, yes man, no problem. She does lay it on pretty hard sometimes, I get it”.

Anakin thanked the man and continued to down drinks. 

As it got later, more and more people began showing up and it became uncomfortably hot. The music started to give him a headache and the smoke was getting thicker; he knew it was time to go when he could hardly suppress his coughing (no thanks to his fucked up lungs). 

The cool evening air felt cleaner than it ever had before as Anakin stood a few yards down from the bar. He had gotten far enough out of the way that he could still hear and see the lights from inside but no line was around him.

He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked up at the sky; the city’s light pollution hid the stars; he still liked to imagine how they’d look. 

He had no idea how much he had in that bar, but he felt like it wasn’t enough- he needed to do something crazy- he needed to interact with people. He wasn’t completely gone yet, but he was pretty drunk (even if he wouldn’t admit it). 

He stumbled down the sidewalk as he made his way to another bar, not far from where he was, that was a “no-smoking” establishment; he wouldn’t have to worry about choking on air there.

The sidewalk seemed to move as he steadied himself by placing a hand on the wall of the buildings on the way to his destination. 

He was feeling pretty good; his problems were far from his mind, instead he was focusing on getting to the bar. He finally made it and attempted to sit on the barstool that just couldn’t seem to sit still. Eventually he caught a bartender’s attention and got set up there with a 20 oz draft beer. 

This bar was crowded too, but less head-pounding music and young adults. He sipped his drink peacefully as he watched the others in the bar; there were a few couples on dates, a group of guys playing pool, and another group throwing darts. 

He downed his beer and placed the glass on the bar as he waited for more- this was definitely one way to spend his army money. 

As he waited a brown haired woman came up behind him and placed a lingering hand on his shoulder.

“Hello, you look lonely tonight, anything I could help with?”.

The lady wore a dress that was way too short and it did not flatter her body at all. She smelled of overwhelming cheap perfume and beer. He was already over it. 

“Nah, I’m just fine,” he said, attempting to wave her off.

She caught one of his gloved hands and began taking off his covering as she asked, “ooh, you have very stiff hands, must be strong-lets see..”.

She managed to get the glove halfway up his palm before he snatched his hand to his chest; “what the fuck you think you’re doing?!” he hissed.

She laughed, “You’re like a robot or somethin’ haha, I’m sure I could please you better than that plastic could, and I only require a pack of cigs after, no monetary charge” she promoted proudly. 

“Not in a million years lady” Anakin mumbled as his cup was replaced with a full one. 

She scoffed and put her hands on her hips, “well that’s alright, I didn’t really want to fuck a cripple anyways”.

At that moment Anakin had the urge to grab her by that pathetic excuse of a dress and throw her against the nearest wall, but he knew he shouldn’t.

“Fuck off”

“No wonder you look lonely, with a personality like that you must be impossible to be around” she huffed before finding the next guy to latch on to. 

He was getting drunker and her words hit a little too close to home- he needed to be more wasted. He began to find random people who would do shots with him. Soon he was blacked out and drinking with everyone. 

“ and i-its its sooo fucked, ‘cause I… I really do love her, but she… I don’t think s-she… I don’t know, WHO WANTS TO DO MORE SHOTS?!” Anakin was everywhere.

He sat at the bar and did two hurricane shots right after another (where you drink it then get water thrown in your face then the bartender slaps you across the face). He was at the point that he couldn’t even feel that-he was gone. 

Though soon after, the shots began catching up with him and he started feeling nauseous. He laid his forehead down on the bar and puked in between his legs and the counter. Some people around offered to help and the bartender got him some water; he insisted he didn’t need it but the alcohol was definitely making him dehydrated. 

Through the middle of sounds he heard a staff member say, “someone needs to get him outta here, we can’t have him in the bar like this”. 

The fuck were they saying? He was completely fine. 

Before he could tell what was happening he was being carried out of the bar and was sitting on the curb outside. Fuck, what was going on?

Everything was blurry, he felt nauseous and all he could focus on was this sharp pain in his side and the pounding headache that was plaguing him.

________________________

Anakin had no idea where he was, but he knew he didn’t feel good. He sat up and puked.

He felt a hand on his back and was about to protest when another wave of nausea hit- when would it end?

More shit happened in a blur and he eventually made it into an Uber and headed home. 

————-about two hours earlier—————

After he was thrown out of the bar downtown he was picked up by a group of frat boys who thought it would be cool to challenge a random drunk guy to a drinking contest.

In his inebriated state, Anakin went with the men (even though they basically had to carry him to the club they were going to). 

No one in their right mind would still allow Anakin to consume drinks, he was visibly not well and clearly needed to be cut off; but that wouldn’t be any fun for the frat.

They took him to a club where they frequented so the staff allowed them to do whatever the fuck they wanted. 

Anakin continued to drink and drink… and drink. 

Once he started puking again, one of the relatively kinder boys took time to ask his address and got him an uber home.

And that's where Anakin was now. 

He rested his forehead against the back window of the sedan and the driver drove quickly; he was probably worried that Anakin was going to yak in the back of his car. They arrived at Anakin’s apartment in decent time and the driver asked Anakin to leave. 

Anakin nodded and tried to get up but he couldn’t quite get his footing; the driver huffed and helped him out of the car. 

The driver helped Anakin into the house and saw some cash lying on the end table; sure, he helped Anakin inside but that didn’t mean this guy was a saint. 

Anakin leaned against the wall for support the driver swiped the cash and dashed out of the door. He had no clue what happened or what was going on, all he knew was that he felt awful and he needed to get to bed. 

He headed that way but he tripped over himself and landed on the floor with a thud.

A groan escaped him and his vision went black. 

***

a/n: more self destructive behavior… what’s new? lolll, srry the updates have been spaced out a bit, i’ve been doing a lot at work haha

taglist : @dnamht @sxoulohvn @angeelcoree @wtf-andys @httpeachesblog @katsukiswrld @jetiikote @poisonedsultana @imarimone12 @fallinlovewithevil

[thestalwartheart]

fascination

Prompt fill for @ithinkthereforiamfandom who gave me a bunch of prompts from the soft fic prompt meme. I went with 'slow dancing.'

Read below or on AO3. Comments/kudos/reblog tags are much appreciated 💖

“Now, with your right—no, right—” With a huff and a laugh, Bond stopped moving.

“Shit. Sorry.”

Bond looked down to see scuffs on his shoes from several encounters with Q’s two left feet. He would have been more annoyed about that, but it was hard to be in a bad mood when the Quartermaster’s hair was in wild disarray and he was flushed pink from embarrassment. He looked, for all intents and purposes, like he was on the better side of a lazy afternoon shag.

“This is hopeless, isn’t it?” continued Q, pushing up his glasses. “I’ll just—thank you for your time, but I should really…”

He moved back and tried to extricate himself from Bond’s grip. Bond held on tight. The clock over Q’s shoulder read nine pm. They’d been at this for two hours—give or take—in Q’s garage-cum-lab, and though Q had so far displayed only marginal improvement as a dancer, they had been two of the better hours of Bond’s life. It was safe to say he wasn’t keen to wrap this up too quickly and face his empty flat, not with Q so deliciously dishevelled and unguarded. The man was, for once, exactly where Bond wanted him.

Besides, Bond never quit, not even when the mission seemed insurmountable. What sort of agent would he be, packing it in at the two-hour mark of teaching someone to dance?

“You’re not giving up that easily,” he said to Q as much as himself.

“Sometimes, it’s abundantly clear that some things are best left to the professionals.” Q winced at the state of Bond’s shoes. “If you take those in tomorrow, I’ll get them fixed up.”

“Forget about my shoes, Q.” Bond leaned in. “You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were afraid of me being better at something than you are.”

“Rubbish. You’re better than me at plenty of things.”

“Oh, I am, am I?”

“Yes.”

“Go on.”

“Ah. Well. There’s the hand-to-hand combat for a start.”

“For a start.”

“And all the jumping out of helicopters and such.”

“Naturally.”

“And a one-hundred percent equipment loss rate. It’s really quite impressive. I don’t think I’ve managed to be so forgetful of thousands of pounds worth of belongings in my life.”

“I brought back that radio last week.”

Q gave him a look. This was more familiar footing. “You’ll forgive me if I don’t throw a party.”

“No, you might have to dance at a party.”

“Oh, for—”

Q tried to pull away again. Bond was quicker this time to pull him back in.

“What was it you said earlier? It was imperative you learn how to dance.”

“Did I say that? I might have been a bit hasty.”

“You told me,” said Bond, his voice low, “that this bloke you were going to your cousin’s wedding with, Billy or whoever—”

“Bailey.”

A stupid name, thought Bond, “—was a proper gentleman and an excellent dancer, and that he’d murder you or some such nonsense if he found out you couldn’t dance.”

“It’s been a rather stressful day, Bond. It’s possible I was slightly dramatic about the whole thing.”

“I should hope so. I wouldn’t want to accuse you of having terrible taste in men.”

“Oh!” Q straightened. He was, for the first time in this argument, feeling properly righteous. “Oh, that’s not a road you want to go down, Bond, if we’re talking about partners with murderous intent.”

“No,” conceded Bond. “Probably not.”

Mostly instinctively, though not without a plan, Bond began to sway slowly to the song coming from Q’s speakers. It was one of Bond’s favourites.

“I suppose they knew how to dance, though,” said Q, beginning to sway too. “Your partners.”

There was a funny expression on his face. A twitch of self-consciousness, perhaps. Bond got a quick look at it before Q cast his eyes downwards, once again, to their shoes. The quip Bond had lined up died on his tongue.

It was time, he knew, to exercise a bit of caution.

“Anyone can dance, Q. Given the right mood, the right music, the right partner.” Bond hummed. “A good glass of wine.”

“Or a martini.”

“Or a martini, yes. But there are things more exceptional than dancing.”

Q’s head snapped up. “I thought you said you liked it.”

“I do.” Bond’s hand travelled lower, over Q’s waist and down to his belt loops. “Don’t you?”

“I can’t—” Q seemed astonished to realise they were making a go of it, moving in time to the music. The footwork was minimal, but dancing—the best kind—was never about the bloody footwork. “Oh.”

“Anyone can dance,” said Bond again. “But not everyone’s you.” His thumb stroked the bony protrusion at Q’s hip. “Just make sure Bill—”

“Bailey,” breathed Q, though he no longer seemed affronted or, indeed, particularly concerned about the man.

“Make sure whoever you end up dancing with never forgets it.”

Bond turned them around, still swaying, while Q scrutinised him. The newly curious look in his eye was familiar. All of this was familiar, except in the ways it wasn’t, not quite. They were in Q’s lab rather than a chandelier-ed ballroom, for a start. They were both down to their rolled-up shirtsleeves, and their suits were crumpled after a long day of desk work. Bond was sober and unarmed. There were no martinis in sight. The lighting was, frankly, awful. But the mood was right, and the partner was definitely right, and—

Q cleared his throat. ”If I was to—”

“Christ, yes.”

And then Q was kissing him, and he was kissing back, grabbing fistfuls of those irresistible curls and tugging Q’s shirt out of his trousers to get at his soft, velvet-warm skin. Q kissed like a wild thing, and his hands were everywhere. The lab amplified every sound they made: the huffs of breath against each other, the rough pull of silk and cotton against a callus or two, the wet suck of Q’s mouth around Bond’s bottom lip. And incredibly, they were still dancing.

With his hands on either side of Q’s face, Bond brought Q to a slow stop. Around them, Nat King Cole crooned about fascination, and Bond thought, yes. Yes, quite.

[quailxcrossing]

SNIFFLES AT YOU hiii i just saw your oc ask thing i am rubbing my little hands together like a fly im gonna copy and paste these emojis i hope they dont break lol 🌠 Leah ☀️ Imogen 🌙 Maiceo 🌒 Maiceo again if thats allowed 🌔 Auï ⭐ Fracture 🌟 Evie 🌙 Esperanza

HELLO!!!!!! :3c

🌠 - What is your OC’s greatest desire and how far are they willing to go to obtain it? 

Leah just wants to be happy and chill, man. she's actually quite wayward right now; her life sorta got uprooted and her habits got switched up on her. she isn't sure what she wants right now either...neither would she be certain how far she would be willing to go. right now, just moving through the motions of life is enough...she's def a character who went through a lot and now she's just trying to pick up her life again. i suppose that is a desire of its own!

☀️ - How well does your OC deal with isolation? 

Imogen deals with it BAD she deals with it really bad. she hates being alone she hates people leaving her she hates the idea of being by herself and having no one around and having no one to talk to!! she is constantly seeking her dads or her dad's friends out to speak to, she needs reassurance, she needs people.....

🌙 - If given the chance, what is one thing about their life your OC would change permanently?  BARKS.

Maiceo would change their card, thus changing their position as the Hierophant. this is a desire that Maiceo has that is so deep that Maiceo doesn't even realize they have it, it is so ingrained in how they think and behave, yet so deeply ANTITHETICAL to their entire mental structure that them realizing they would want to do this would break them completely :P :3 being the Hierophant is all they know and all they ever think they could be, and to wish it away is so against what the Hierophant represents, but oh how badly they do wish they were anyone else.

if given the chance, Esperanza would go back and redo her actions which lead to her survival and revival. she would do this to give back a life to her friend, who she believes deserves it more than she does. maybe doing this would finally smother her guilt

🌒 - Under what circumstances is your OC their most genuine self? 

This really made me think "does Maiceo really have a genuine self anymore?" but i think I just realized Maiceo's genuine self is just rather unpleasant. standoffish, invasive, living on a hair trigger, paranoid, stressed, self-flagellating, miserable- Maiceo is all of these things quite often. always, even. Maiceo has a second genuine self, but I want to stress this one does not make the first any less real. Maiceo's FALSE self- the self-important, smug, professional Hierophant- THAT is a mask. Maiceo's second genuine self is similar to the first, although it is also thoughtful, inquisitive, considerate, awkward, and dramatic. this side of Maiceo only comes out in tiny slices when it can be alone with Georgiana, which is not often, or occasionally when around Esperanza, although she often gets the Hierophant mask. Maiceo tries to keep Esperanza away from the first Maiceo. They tried the same for Georgiana, but they had a way to make Maiceo break down (this used to be a good thing, but became sour over the years)

sorry i just. fucking looove Maiceo its horrible how much i love maiceo its ruining everything

🌔 - Does your OC take well to intimacy or are they pricklier than a cactus? 

Auï loves intimacy, he is highly affectionate!!! he does give a bit of a front he's prickly, but i think thats just. in comparison to Goat. Goat makes Auï look like he hates smiles and rainbows and kittens. but Goat is not a fair comparison. Auï is just a very sweet guy who is very lovey to all of his friends, he loves to give gifts and is incredibly thoughtful about his choices and he pays a lot of attention to those around him! he loves snuggling too, touch is his main love language (which i remember so fondly makes my friend SO mad at me, because i took touching others away from him for years, but thats just the story idk...)

⭐ - What do people assume about your OC? Do they question the quality of their character?  WITH TURRIE THIS IS SO EASY. BECAUSE PEOPLE ASSUME SHIT ABOUT HER ALL THE TIME

she is just a little gal. i know this. but i think on first glance, in real life and in the story, a lot of people assume "oh she's the little sunshine of the group" or WORSE "oh she's the mom friend" she's NOT there is not Mom Friend these people are UNPARENTED (honestly if anyone, Auï is the closest, but he's more of the Older Brother Friend) Turrie is not the mom and she is not tiny and sweet and innocent, she's terrified of everything so she locks into people-pleaser mode but deep down she's a highly competitive med student who signed up to do experiments on a human test subject and only freaked out when she was already in so deep and she feared for her life and that FUCKED HER UP.

sorry i have so many thoughts about how Turrie is portrayed, but i love it bc everyone is falling for her trap

🌟 - What is your OC’s drive to action, their call to adventure? 

Evie's call to action is kinda just what the ask said honestly! she is very called to adventure! she idolizes travellers and brave knights and monsterhunters and she wants more than being confined to the Pewter City! she wants to protect her best friend as she goes on her own journey, and she wants to see the world!!!!! please please let her out of here!!!!! she wants to touch grass, she's never seen it before

[leggerefiore]

Concept: Emmet having to be squeaky clean for a week visiting s/o's family that heavily believes in "waiting until marriage" so both have to play pretend at being sparkling pure virgins that aren't even allowed to share a bed. His sanity hanging by a thread vs his unwavering willpower to show his seriousness about the relationship and make a good first impression for his future in-laws. Lewd or fluff optional for this one, maybe both? haha jk... Unless 😳

The Path Of Resistance

cw: sexual content, not smut though,

Minors DNI

words: 1982

-------

The situation was dire.

He hated it so much.

But he loved you verrrry much.

Emmet sat uncomfortably on the couch beside you. Your family's home was pleasant and nice. They had been nothing but polite to him since you both arrived, yet… He recalled your discussion with him before setting out to visit them. They were extremely stringent in their beliefs about waiting until marriage to have sex. He supposed to each their own, but it clearly stressed you out since they held you to that standard. You, well, you and him most certainly had not waited until marriage. You had not even waited past the fourth date.

It was awkward for him, but it was not like he planned to take you in front of everyone, nor was he going to crack his less savoury jokes in front of people he barely knew. No, the issue came up in the fact that you both could not even share a bed for the entire three-day stay at their home. That felt like too much on top of it all, in his opinion. Still, he could go three nights without sex. He was an adult. If it got down to it, he could have an awkward session in the shower. It was not like he was never single before dating you.

“Ah, so what do you do for living then?” your mother asked him. He smiled widely. His job was an easy topic to discuss.

“I'm a manager in the Gear Station and I do some professional battling,” he explained. Your parents nodded, while you just shifted the topic to whatever the next that felt right was. Emmet continued his train of thought. He seriously could not understand what was so bad about having sex before marriage. It was a bonding activity! Not that different from cuddling in his mind, just more active. And pleasurable. Verrry pleasurable. He could only imagine the ease his brother would have in his place here.

Your mother suddenly pulled you away into another room to talk about something in there, leaving him alone with your father. He did not miss how the man's face shifted from a pleasant expression to something more serious, brows furrowed together and mouth stuck in a frown. He would give it a solid seven on the “Is Ingo about to go off on me” scale.

“So… I know my child lives with you,” he spoke with a serious tone, “I have to ask about your sleeping arrangements.” Emmet felt floored. You were not lying. They seriously expected this. He straightened his back and gave his best innocent smile.

“My brother and I own a three-bedroom apartment,” he explained, “One of the rooms was our home office. I gave it to them as a bedroom after they moved in.” It was still, in fact, their home office. You easily shared a bedroom with Emmet with little issue. He was still not over your joke that it was amazing a guy like him actually had a bed frame.

“I see,” the older man nodded, “You both live with your brother, too, then. What is he like?” Why was he now interrogating him about Ingo? The older twin was quite literally the last person to cause any problems.

“He's verrry polite and kind,” Emmet tilted his head, “He's my twin brother. We get anxious if we are separated.” Your father gave another nod before checking a clock on the wall.

“Well, it's almost time for dinner, then,” he stood up and motioned for Emmet to follow him. The younger twin nearly jumped when your dad patted him on the back. “You seem like a good guy,” he told him, “I'm pretty certain you're the kind of guy who knows how to hold back.” Emmet wanted to laugh. He rarely held back, not in battles or in life. Even Ingo would get on to him for how blunt he could be with his words. Honesty was truly his life's policy, which was what made this situation all the more difficult. Emmet kept his usual smile on his face and nodded. It was better to just take the compliment rather than try to argue against it.

~

Your mother showed him to the guest bedroom after dinner, allowing him to put his bags away. She gazed at him curiously as he pulled out a pokeball. “Would it be alright if I have my Galvantula out?” he asked, “I usually cannot fall asleep unless I have something to cuddle.” He could see the way her eyebrow cocked up at him. For a moment, he stiffened, realising she was now suspicious because of that comment. “Ah! It's because I spent most of my childhood sharing a bed with my brother,” he explained, “I-I need something in bed with me to sleep well. I usually use my Galvantula or Eelektross.” Her gaze only lost some of its gleam.

“That should be fine,” she nodded, “I only ask that you clean up any webs it makes.” He nodded. Of course. Emmet was respectful of other's homes. Even if his own had webs nearly in every corner, he could respect other people's spaces. With that, she left him and closed the door behind her. Emmet sat on the bed and sighed. He had no idea why it was weird that he needed to cuddle something to fall asleep. That was true before he even met you. Though, he would admit having both you and his Galvantula in bed was pleasant. The arachnid would be against his back while he held you close to his chest. Your warmth would soak into his body perfectly.

Three nights of this.

Galvantula only clicked at him before curling up beside him when he moved under the covers. He ran a hand through her fur softly, and she hummed. “I am in a situation,” he told her as she closed her navy eyes, “This is painful, but I want to make a good impression. Ingo said it was important.” That, and he knew how much it meant to you. Emmet wished for nothing more than to make you happy. Even if he had to lie and pretend your relationship worked different than it did. He closed his eyes, too, and allowed himself to drift off to sleep.

~

Time passed relatively easily. You showed him your hometown, you both did a few things with your parents, and he could always find a way to keep himself occupied. He would say everything was going well. Except, here on your second day, he hit a road block. Why had your parents suggested a trip to a local pool? Well, it was clear it must have been some kind of test. He knew it was the summer, and it was hot, but this felt too perfectly timed to be so unrelated. He balled his hand into a fist and kept his smile. Thankfully, all his time working with the public taught him how to hold a smile even if he did not want to.

Everything was fun and relaxing, but something weighed heavy on his mind. Sure, he had seen you in less, but here you were in a tight swimsuit before him. He bit his lip as he watched you wade about the water or rest on the side of the pool. His mind moved to places that he had willed himself away from for the past few days. He was barely allowed more than a quick hug and kiss on the cheek with your parents around, too. It was driving him mad that he was going without even something as innocent as cuddling. Emmet would never deny his horny tendencies, but he was not some pure creature of the earth. He was an adult man with mature thoughts.

So, when you all returned home, and he was offered a shower to clean himself after having been in the pool, he took it immediately. The shower was warm and relaxing against his skin, but that was not its purpose. His hand grasped his dick desperately as he let his mind slip away from where you both were. Back at home, he could have you laying in bed playfully. A canister of whipped cream could somehow be involved as he licked the sweet foam from your body. You would moan and whine under him as he bit you teasingly, but just before he could reach everything he wanted, a fist pounded on the door and informed him not to use all the hot water.

Suddenly, the shower had to be cold and quick.

His excuse why he had taken so long?

Stress. Ingo totally texted him about some accident at work that caused him to worry. Your family bought it, thankfully. He knew you did not. The look in your eyes told him all he needed to know.

~

Emmet was not patient. He was the one who acted against his brother's more passive approach to life. So on your final day with your parents, he was not afraid to admit he was rushing you to pack. You sent him a knowing, mocking look as you spent longer and longer returning your clothes to your bag. Suddenly, he was your helper and your bags were packed incorrectly but completely. He carried both of your bags out to the car as your parents, and you spent a moment talking.

When he joined you again, your parents gave him pleasant, genuine smiles. “I have no idea how you managed to find such a sweet, innocent man in this day and age,” your mom joked softly, “Poor guy needs to cuddle something to fall asleep. What a sweetheart.” Emmet felt a pang of annoyance, but swallowed it down. You just nodded with a laugh.

“Oh, Em, is a teddy bear,” you told her, “I know it's been killing him we have not been able to properly cuddle.” Your mom gave a soft laugh and apologised to you both about that. She admitted that they had been hogging you from him and not allowed you much alone time together. Emmet politely brought an arm around your shoulders and brought you in close, a bit spitefully. “It looks like my fate after getting home is probably going to be a long hug.”

“I'll admit I was a bit suspicious of him at first,” your dad said, scratching his head, “I just worried he would be like every other guy, but I don't think he even knows about sex. I even tried looking him up online, and most things I saw were about how innocent he is.” The boisterous laugh that followed made Emmet tense. He knew exactly what he was talking about and hated it. People seriously thought if you so much as said pussy or dick around him, he would be completely ignorant to the word. “I like you,” he held his hand out for Emmet to shake, “Please keep up how you are.” The twin shook the older man's hand with a wide grin on his face. Oh, he did not even know the half of it.

A few farewells were shared before you and Emmet finally were off and headed home.

As you drove off towards your destination, you spoke softly to your boyfriend, “Thank you, Em. I know that it was hard for you to do all of that.”

“Heehee, don't worry about! I loooooove you so much that it doesn't bother me.”

Your heart felt warm at the sweetness of your boyfriend.

~

“Oh, darling,” he cooed, pinning you to the sheets, “I want to try something new.” You were flustered under him as his hands locked your wrists together above your head.

“Wh-what's that?” you asked, knowing full well had a tonne of sexual energy to expel. It excited you more than he would like to admit.

“Whipped cream.”

“Huh?”

[blindedbythedarkness]

Man everything just feels so shit. I mean it IS so shit. Life is an utter dystopia and I'd like to say I can't imagine it getting any worse, but I'm sure it'll find a way.

This is just statewide eugenics and mass murder now. It's not even safe to seek healthcare. It's so incredible to me how we got to this point- I honestly half expect people to point out the hidden cameras any moment because surely so many people can't be this stupid?

That's what they are. Stupid. I'm not supposed to say that outloud or on any of the social media where I'm even halfway identifiable. It wouldn't be "nice" or "professional". But these people are stupid, selfish, inhumane, single brain-celled, murderous cunts. And that only goes about halfway to describing them. I never thought I could hold so much sustained hate for so many people, but it just keeps growing. I fantasize about hurting every one of them, to be quite honest- they have no qualms with actually hurting me.

Unlike most mass murdering-type scenarios I've heard about, in this case I can't even fantasize about moving away from it. Where would I go? More or less the whole western world has become like this (thank you Great Barrington Declaration etc etc) and I have no idea how I'd even begin to learn the language in the few good places left.

The only way out of this is through, if I'm lucky enough to survive that long. Time is the only parameter that might offer any kind of relief, since location seems off the table. Small steps are being made, I'm pushing some of them myself (though I can't really talk about them publicly), but its slow progress. It feels like one step forwards, two steps back. Maybe there'll be a better vaccine? Maybe places will properly clean the air? Maybe enough people will realise they hate getting sick enough to wear a mask? Maybe a whole new pandemic will arise and it'll be so bad that the protections from that will wipe out SARS2 in the process? Either way, more people are gonna die and worse in the meantime.

I really am so deep in depression now. It's not even depression, it's survival mode. It's just constant stress from constant threats to my existence, sometimes even without stepping out the front door. It feels like PTSD waiting to happen, only I wish it would happen because then at least we'd be "Post". I just feel totally numb and lonely and just in total despair. The pain and lumb in my chest never goes away. I'd say I don't know how much longer I can go on like this, but what choice do I have?

I'm so ready for this to be over. Properly, really, truly over. I'll never forget what people did and likely never forgive. But to be able to live a life feeling actually truly safe would be a dream. I long to be able to have the emotional capacity again to actually just feel happy.

I saw a post on here not long ago that said something like "'this too shall pass' but I really wish it'd pass a bit quicker". That is entirely the mood right now.

[aerialworms]

Thanks for the WIP meme tag! Can I ask for more details about Boldly Go, please? 👀

Absolutely, thank you for asking!!!

Boldy Go is the first fic I wrote in my Destiel Star Trek fusion AU, Tales From the USS Impala. It's a PWP where Dean (First Officer) notices Cas (half-Vulcan Captain) has been getting real stressed and is taking it out on the crew, so he suggests they sleep together as stress relief (and totally not cause he has a crush on his captain or anything, no, he just respects his uh. professionalism.) Cas sees this as a logical arrangement to meet both of their needs, and doesn't read any emotion into it, leaving Dean confused and a little hurt at the end when he treats it like a one-night stand.

What was difficult to write about it is that I wrote it from Cas' POV (in third person, but following Cas), and trying to write smut while using the voice of someone who a) is unfamiliar with human expressions and emotions, and b) would not know 'sexy-sounding' words for genitals etc was incredibly hard (pun intended). Mad respect to K/S shippers who write from Spock's POV! I think I pulled it off, though. I did try writing it from Dean's POV, but I found getting into Cas' head and observing Dean's behaviour from his alien point of view was way more interesting to me, if more difficult to get right. Plus, from Dean's POV Cas came off as detached and cold, but I wanted to show that despite his mask of emotionlessness he feels deeply, just like Spock.

That said, I might rewrite it once I've written the first (chronologically) fic in the series. I'm wary of changing their characters in the prequel to this, so I want to have that drafted before I edit this one and the third in the series, since how they meet/interact in the prequel will inform their characterization later on. We'll see!

Also, fun fact: Boldly Go is a working title, shorthand in my WIP folder for To Boldly Come (Where No Man Has Come Before). There's a good chance I'll just publish it under that name, since I can't think of a better one 😁

Some behind the scenes stuff: I wrote this fic at the start of NaNoWriMo last year, after saying I was going to spend November finishing my other WIPs. I'd just started watching Star Trek and absolutely loved the Kirk/Spock dynamic and thought it mapped well onto Dean/Cas. So naturally, instead of working on any of my other fics, my brain latched onto the AU and made me write it. It was just supposed to be a oneshot (And then I was totally gonna go work on my WIPs!), but then I kept thinking of more and more fic ideas for this fusion AU, and I wanted to tell the story of how they met (A Rose By Any Other Name Would Be Just As Annoying), then have some angsty getting together (The Law of Possession), because after Boldly Go, they become friends with benefits and they both catch feelings, although neither of them talk about it properly cause they're repressed idiots (affectionate), and, and, and ---

I ended up with 13 fic ideas for this universe.

None of my other WIPs got finished.

So!

I hope to actually start posting this series soon, since I fixed a plot problem in A Rose and can now bash out a first draft. There's plenty of stuff in my head and on paper, I just gotta keep at it!

[cyandelightz]

Deep, Lucid Dreaming

In all honesty, he'd been convinced that this was all a weird, very long dream to begin with.

He'd arrived at Isola following a nightmare about - who else? - his old best friend, his old childhood sweetheart, his reason for doing everything he does. His subconscious mind had spit out to him the idea that she'd be jealous, unhappy with him, that he hadn't done enough for her. That her brother somehow didn't suffer enough for what he did, despite him being essentially a barely-crawling sack of meat and mutagen pathetically trying to drag himself out the door to find his daughter.

He'd woken up to see him there, and the next thing he knew, he was in Fibonacci ward - in his armor, which he didn't even remember putting on, with a phone in his pocket, all his Joy stolen along with his sword, and a man urging him to get in a cab and be taken to his assigned residence. In this technological wonderland straight out of a sci-fi flick, you know, the ones nerds watch. He's starting to suspect that he might be in a (potentially permanent) dream state to begin with - maybe he's comatose, maybe he died in his sleep and this is Purgatory, or perhaps even Hell (he can't imagine himself going to 'the good place' after living a life of hatred and spite - but it's the price he pays for justice, he supposes).

One might argue that this place can't be a dream because Buzzo is able to read in it. He'd immediately find this false. He's always been able to read in his dreams - he's read entire semi-professional (but slightly loopy) e-mail chains in his dreams before, back when he was having work-related stress dreams working on the Joy project.

Buzzo remembers bringing Lisa books on the occult from the library using his library card. He couldn't actually find anything about summoning demons like she had requested (the two of them got into a lot of trouble watching horror movies together - it wasn't very good for their growing imaginations), but he'd found books on astrology, tarot, and - Dream interpretation. And he read those with her. One of the first things he saw when he left his assigned residence was a walking, talking, benevolent pink orb. He's not sure what the book on dream reading might say about that, but in retrospect the little creature to him represents - the Joy vaccine. The little pink pill Yado kept to himself to neutralize the effects of the Joy mutagen. A literal life saver. Potentially a very good omen, but…

On top of that… Buzzo's usage of the blue caused him to hallucinate little Lisa everywhere, giving him instructions. He'd wonder how much of it was drug use and how much of it was, potentially, excitingly, the idea of - her ghost clinging to him, watching over him, so he's not truly alone…

He hasn't seen her once since he got here. It's unsettling, not having her presence, even with how oppressive it is, with her demanding he cut off limbs of people who think they're his friend merely for supposedly attempting to replace her. It adds to how surreal and dreamlike this is. If he were awake, he'd be seeing her in the corners of his vision.

It is because of all of this that when he wakes up the next day to whalesong in the sky and reality melting that's he's not actually even surprised. The thin veneer of anything resembling reality has given way to what he currently believes to be the actual truth of this place. And it is a dream that has given way to lucidity.

He sees Lisa again, finally. It was strange not having her around - and he looks down at her, and she looks back, and her face is intact. It's a memory.

"Buzzo? What are we doing here?" "I don't know."

She looks clearer and more intact than normal. Normally she melts a bit, she's hard to focus on with his eyes, due to being a ghost or perhaps a drug hallucination. But it's like she's standing right there this time.

"This place is like the past and future merged together," he observes. "Mixed into a lucid dream. Some kind of alternate future. One where the world never ended. One where…"

He looks back at her and stares. What would she be like if she were still alive? Taller, obviously. Both her brother and her father are round, and even though she was very thin and sickly herself as a kid - if she were eating properly she'd probably round out in a similar way. She'd have her mother's necklace, probably over a white sundress - no. Black sundress and a white sweater over it, she'd realistically not want to show her shoulders.

As he's thinking about it, she seems to change in turn. He realizes he'd been spacing out in thought as she looks down at herself and her hands, and then back up (she's short) at him.

He smiles. It's a genuine smile. This is nice. If this isn't Heaven, if it's not permanent, well - he'll enjoy it while it lasts. (He knows in the back of his mind he's overdue for karmic retribution.)

The two sit, and talk. She notes that he still wears lipstick, like she used to put on him. He says it reminds him of her, so he tries to find the stuff whenever he can - though it's a rare collector's item, like most 'women's' items, post-flash.

He imagines that she's happy with him. And thus, it happens. She lets him know he's done well and that he can rest. A weight comes off his shoulders - he'd guess 500 tons, and he lies back into the grass that had spontaneously appeared around them. Lying in the grass, under a tree.

Just like old times… So comfortable, revisiting this. Seeing her. Alive, healthy, reassuring him. He does hope it'll last forever. In the back of his mind, he knows it won't.

But if this is a dream, right now it's a very good dream.

[circadianventing]

Hey, long time no talk, huh? Thought for a bit that spilling all this shit in a tumblr blog was kinda cringe. But I’ve got no one to listen so

That’s a lie, I do. I can’t tell them now, it isn’t worth it, you know? They’ve got so much important things going on and I just can’t. I know I’m distancing myself but everytime I reach out they don’t respond

But, I guess that’s just how it is. Anyway, do you think some people are just destined to die? Like, they were put on this earth to sit and waste until something puts them out of their misery?

I think that’s me, but not in a weird “I’m going to be nothing” way, or a pseudo religious type thing. I just don’t think I’m put on this earth for a purpose, I was born a twin, a second to a son. I didn’t have a purpose to be here because my family did not want another baby with their son

I think if god is real he put me here to just, I don’t even know. Rot? That sounds really bad, lol.

I think however I’ll die will be just as meaningless as how I lived, honestly. And this isn’t a cry for help or anything, I’m passed that now, I know no one will come. And I won’t do anything stupid, I have a cat yk? She’ll forget eventually but…i can’t put that grief on her. Kinda sad that a cat is the only thing stopping me, I know the people I know won’t care. They’ll grieve but then they’ll go on, some of them might even spit on my grave.

You know..I just, I think of it as euthanizing, when an animal is sick or their quality of life is depleted you put them down. Why can’t it be the same for me?

And maybe I should talk to someone, professional help. Whatever.

I can’t. Because what am I supposed to say? Hey I failed the first second and third time, fourths the charm!! And have them lock me up again??

I can’t bring it to myself to say anything to my family either

My sisters are such amazing people, better and smarter I’ll ever be. I think if I go to the grave I’ll do so looking up at them. E is beautiful, she’s smart, she knows what she’s doing. L is funny, so funny. It’s insane man how funny she is, I don’t even know how to do that. But also, she’s so smart as well and clever, witty. I wish I could be just like her

And My mom doesn’t like me. I know I’m the last one she wanted. She wanted a boy so my dad and him to get along and she got what she wanted but got stuck with me, it’s obvious sometimes, how she looks at me, how she talks about me, she doesn’t like me, there’s disgust in her words, She wishes it was just my twin . I wish it was just my twin. I wish the doctors didn’t save me

More proof to my theory by the way, I can out not fully developed, misshapen lungs and bones too soft, unable to digest food. I was not meant for this earth and I know it

My family should be my sisters, my dad, my mom, and my brother. I don’t make sense in the equation

I’ve started other habits again, and I know they’re bad but not for /me/ they make me feel better, it hurts but I feel better after. It’s just a way to relieve anger and stress and all the other shit in my life

I know this blog isn’t therapy and I dont know how healthy putting this out there is. But, I guess I will anyway. Might as well, right?

I think I’ve also made my mind up about some stuff. Or maybe I was already predispositioned to it

Whatever

I think im going to catch the bus soon, just to see what it’s like you know?

See ya

(And if you got to the bottom of this, I love you, even if im undeserving of love, I still love you)

[timeoverload]

I think that today went pretty well. There were a lot of grumpy people but I tried to be nice to everyone and keep smiling anyway. I'm tired of allowing miserable people to bring me down to their level. I'm not totally happy with my life either but I'm not going to be a jerk to other people because of that.

The eye doctor that owns the hospital was doing cases this morning and he usually moves pretty quickly. That didn't happen today and it didn't seem like he was trying to rush so I appreciated that tremendously. I wonder if he did that intentionally because he knows now how much we were rushing before. I'm generally not a huge fan of his because he won't respond when I say hello or make eye contact with me when he has no problem talking to everyone else. I think I would feel differently if he actually acknowledged my existence because it seems like he can be a nice guy. Maybe I scare him or something. I don't lose sleep over it but I think it's odd. Oh well. I think he is just grumpy a lot because he is getting old and refuses to retire. That man is probably going to work until the day he dies because he feels obligated to. I suppose I admire his dedication but I think he needs to go enjoy life while he can.

I got to work this morning and I was confused because the morning team lead wasn't in the department and decontam wasn't open yet. I thought he had called in but he showed up 20 minutes later and I guess he had a meeting with the director when he got to work. I think he must have been reprimanded for his behavior because he was very nice to everyone today. A girl that works in my department came up to me on Monday to tell me she had compiled a list of complaints from everyone and asked if I had anything to add before she went to meet with the director to talk to him about it. I'm so glad she did that because it was absolutely necessary since he has been making everyone uncomfortable. I wanted to say something but I didn't want him to find out it was me since I am stuck working alone with him and I am afraid of confrontation. I know he had to apologize to my co-worker who is middle eastern for making racist/distasteful jokes about him and his family. I didn't get an apology for how he talked to me last week but my gut tells me that he realized that he is wrong and doesn't want to admit it. He is acting like he feels guilty and has been nice to me. I will accept changed behavior as an apology I guess. I hope that he continues to act more professionally in the future. If he ever tries to start shit with me again, I'm not going to let it slide because I'm not going to put up with that anymore. I have been too nice. I don't talk to him now unless I need to. It's ok, we don't need to be friends to be professional.

I'm glad that today wasn't too crazy. I only had 23 cases so that helped. I didn't check to see how many cases I have tomorrow but I really hope it's better than last Thursday. I do not want to be stuck in decontam for hours. I'm just not going to think about that anymore because it's stressing me out. I don't know when my PTO request is going to get approved so hopefully I know by tomorrow.

I think this week has actually been pretty good so I'm happy about that. Yesterday I got off work 2 hours early. I wanted to watch tv so I did. I have been watching this show about skin walkers and it's really interesting but I had nightmares last night. I am going to keep watching it anyway. I also discovered that I can play stardew valley on my phone now so I have been enjoying that. I think that I'm going to do that again tonight. I need to eat and get ready for bed before I get too comfortable. I stayed up way too late last night so I'm going to try not to do that again. I should probably stop writing now I think. I'm going to do my best to have a good day tomorrow.

I hope everyone else has a great day too. :) 💖💖💖