#but like....thats gotta be how you live right?
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shiv!
uuuuh I'm currently in a similar situation to yours, and I think you should do it. life is too short. I'm currently unemployed and waiting for the official job offer to start my career as a flight attendant, and there's a 1% chance that it might not come. there's still a chance I might fail one of the last exams, or that they'll simply give up on hiring me... aviation is unpredictable.
and yet, I don't regret quitting my job at all. I was miserable there anyways, and now I'm closer to my dream. even if things don't turn out the way I expect, I don't think I'll regret my decision of quitting. do it!
🥹🥹🥹🥹 thank you for the sweet sweet solidarity theo! and i am manifesting this for you, if i can get this opportunity so can you, i believe in youuuu!!! 😞💖💖💖
#ive received lots of advice and love you all#one of my friends says i need to not base this decision off of fear#which is obviously a huge ask as im sure yall know based on the.....everything about me#but like....thats gotta be how you live right?#i have until tomorrow so i will let yall know. thank you again theo lovelovelove#theo tag#asks#boyapologist
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much ado about pleasure
#bonk.png#undescribed#i was a teenage exocolonist#iwatec#iwatex#exocolonist#iwatex spoilers#iwatec spoilers#<- very vaguely in the art#hi i havent drawn stuff for exocolonist in a year n played it in two but been thinking about sol again v-v#lyrics from n obviously a redraw of real end of hatsune miku#sym was a fucking nightmare to drawn bc of how simplistic my style is while tammy was a lot easier bc she has more traits i draw normally#fun detail is that i basically drew sym n tammy's mouth n eyes the same way of like erasing a bit to make them look fuller/softer#anyway thoughts drew this bc whenever i personally think n play around with sol its almost exclusively when theyve been in the loop for so#long that they fundamentally cant separate themself from it or their other lives but the suffering caused by it has looped around#so theyre basically a normal functioning person outside of stuff directly related to the loop n a few things#n then like. they gotta be fucking weird about tammy n sym right? like sym for more obviously reasons cosmically linked whatever#but commonalities are 1. the only characters you cant lose affection with/2. always love sol no matter what#3. generally very positive sweethearts n 4. You Have To Watch Them Die At Least Once#so i think sol would be fucking weird about both of them like hating urself bc u unintentionally caused the deaths of everyone you care abou#t? dw! these two pink bitches (i know sym is purple) love you no matter what!!#very intentional that tammy is her child design her but sol's their teen design just bc thats my fav look of theirs#one last thing its more visible here but the way i draw sol's eyes is that their irises go over their lower lid i do this bc it looks weird
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i love my friends so much. i feel like yesterday i had a lot of shit going on in my head and i woke up to my friend explaining things in a way that put my mind at ease. i dont feel as anxious anymore because i know i was overthinking. i think my dad said it best when he told me that he thought my wonderful brain of mine just wants to think problems are bigger than they actually are. he is right! im just inexperienced in life and half of the time im scared im doing something wrong but- HEY. i need to be more confident in making mistakes. making mistakes doesn't define me as a person!! i need to stop worrying about doing life right and just live for the sake of living and doing what makes me happy!!!!!!!
#thank u blake. u really helped#also nessa!! thank u for that reblog about your perspective on my one post about feeling lost career wise#it helps me to know im not the only one living this life because holy fuck i can feel confused sometimes because.. am i doing this right?#and you know what? theres no correct path that i think there is but im just not good without a direct direction. it makes me a little#anxious about things#i dont know if its because i have some form of a disorder but i function better when i plan stuff out and give myself something to#decompress the problems and thoughts because in my brain theyre just all stuck and clumped together#and that can get a bit scary and overwhelming!!!#im just glad i have people that care about me. it means literally everything to me#so even if i dont 100% reply dont think i dont care because literally any ANY advice or kindness you show to me means the world#we're all just living this little life and we might as well make the best of it#people care..... thats just.... its good... it makes me feel less alone that people do#i love my friends so much#evennnn if we dont talk every day or are only mutuals in passing!!! it literally means a lot if people show me kindness#like holy shit!!! your older than me? and your dealing with a similar experience??? and your telling me that its okay??? and that itll be#okay?????#like#just the reassurance that things will be okay and work out and that im not the only one dealing with a feeling like mine#idk sometimes i just feel like im crazy and like my thoughts make no sense?? you know?? but yall get it#im glad that i have people who are older than me in my life cause yall have experienced stuff that i can use to be better#like your life experiences can help me in a way that can make a difference on my perspective on things#its why i like talking to my coworkers. because theyve seen things and done things i havent and their perspective can teach me potentially#i just dont feel so overwhelmed with life when i talk to people who understand#i feel so young and yet old enough to know but even the people who are older dont know so im sort of on the right track i suppose depending#on how you look at it#so- im just gonna live my life and smile because!!! you gotta.#you gotta surround yourself with people who can enrich you and teach you things for the better and make you want to grow#some of you are like that#you may not know that#but that kindness means so much
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#it's a strange thing to work in a store that never sleeps. like living in an organism. like forcing its blood to flow#youre there an not. mostly out of sight and out of mind. blinking into existence when something is needed#or at least thats how it is when you work on the back end. and its an oddly gendered workplace when i go in#before the sun is up. before the doors are unlocked. men and boys unload the trucks and sort the packages. women sort the clothing packages#so they do that on purpose? do applicates sort themselves? why do only women work in style?#i dunno. it feels like my 1st real job. its very strange bc there are alloted times and clocking in and out and forced breaks. ive never had#that. ive only had: every moment that youre not working is a waste of time. i worked 10 hour days 6 days a week while getting paid part time#so it's weird. its nice to feel useful. its nice to have my time filled with things to do. but its also like going to school k-12 bc its#like: oh god i gotta get up at 3am so i can go to work. so i dunno. we'll see how i feel after a full week. its also sorta physically#exhausting and maybe i should have said 32hrs instead of 40 so i can actually work on some stuff this summer but i guess we'll see#right now getting a government job sounds better than going back to school but i dunno. i dunno#ill have to start applying in earnest. ay ay ay. what a mess#unrelated
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ohhhh my god. okay. so. my aunt does like, she buys random junk in bulk from retail wholesalers and then resells it on like, facebook marketplace and ebay and stuff. whatever. so my mom works for her. makes a flat $50 a day, regardless of the fact that shes disabled and doing hard labor for at least 8 hours a day, often 10+. and min wage here is $10 an hour but mom argued that $50 a day is still more than what she would make working the same hours at an actual job because of taxes...like girl that would be 50% taxes. you do not pay that fucking much. so thats already Bad.
but today mom shows me a video of a knife theyre gonna sell, and i watch 2 seconds and i realize its an automatic knife, and i tell her hey. thats illegal to possess in this state. let alone sell! and mom is like ohhh [aunt] knows what shes doing itll be fine.... we sell knives on there all the time she just doesnt put pictures and calls them something else on the listing to get around fb/ebays policies :)
LIKE. HELLO. THATS NOT BETTER. YOURE COMMITTING MULTIPLE CRIMES. *AS YOUR JOB.* and she was just like "its not a big deal she knows what shes doing." folks, this is the same aunt that, very illegally, paid me to sort through her clients confidential tax documents and bank records and stuff. because she works for a bank. and took the records home to sort them. i dont think she DOES know what shes doing, actually!
#why do both of my parents need to be so impressively incompetent. i like. cannot find the words for how . i feel about this#like. idc about crimes. go forth. be free. but maybe. just maybe. you should not make your job#“hi today i will post about how i am selling illegally possessed objects on a widely used public forum”#dont do crimes STUPID. yanno.#in other parent news. its now like. month 6 or so of dad refusing to get his insurance reinstated.#hes been on the same step (taking his paystubs to the dhhr office) for like 3 months?#anyway apparently he found out today/last night that when he was a kid he was diagnosed with gastroparesis !#which is like ! cool! you have a diagnosis AND ive been living with that for 16 years and can help you 🥰#but we were sitting there with mom (this was right before the knife thing) and she was like “well you gotta get your insurance now so you#can get on the right meds“ and dad was like yeah ill go....#and mom was saying well go in the morning when they open etc etc and he was like i will#and i pointed out that just two weeks ago i told him that too. and he didnt want to. bc hed lose money due to not being able to work#and mom was like well he doesnt work at 8am. and i was like yeah i know but i told him to go at 8am two weeks ago and that was his response#and then he proceeded to claim that this whole time he didnt know they opened at 8am.#folks. he doesnt start working until like...usually 10 or so. WHAT GOVERNMENT OFFICE DOESNT OPEN UNTIL 10.#PLUS. WE LIVE IN A RURAL HOUR. *BUSY* TAKES LIKE AN HOUR. MOST OF THE TIME YOURE IN AND OUT WITHIN 20 MINITES.#ive been fucking considering PAYING HIM to go get it.#and then he claims he didnt know it opened at 8am. when i have told him that. MULTIPLE TIMES.#WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE LIKE THISSSS THEYRE THE MOST IMMATURE ADULTS IVE EVER MET AND THATS IMPRESSIVE!!!#IVE KNOWN PEOPLE WHO PAY THEIR RENT IN COKE OR WHO ARE ESSENTIALLY PROFESSIONAL PARTIERS. AND *THEYRE* MORE RESPONSIBLE AND MATURE THAN MY#PARENTS. SO WHAT GIVES.#also theyre 50 like cmon yall. youre not even 20 or 30. i think you should know how to not like. get your job shut down or die of lack#of medication.#did i tell yall one of the times a few months ago i was nagging dad abt getting his insurance#his response was literally. no exxageration.#he was like oughhh i dont wanna see doctors because then theyll find out somethings wrong with me#and ill have to go on a bunch of medication.#and then he actually for real. said.#“being on too many medications killed my grandma”#even mom was like cmon man. thats not even true. they misdiagnosed her and put her on WRONG meds. she wasnt even on that many.
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i feel like im not actually connected to the world anymore like i used to be and i lost whatever i had
#and now im just waiting to die orsomething#idk#i feel like norman shouldnt have gone without me#unfair#im not even a person anymore#im uselss and a disappointment to all#i can just drive#i miss having friends and being a part of a group who noticed when i wasnt there yaknow? like#a society#i feel like i slipped out somehow and i dont see people smiling anymore or enjoy sunlight on leaves or feel hopeful#i dont know when i got to be so depressed but#i managed to get a hair cut today#which sounds stupid to even mention but i am sort of agoraphobic and hadnt. managed to get one since september of last year or so#i looked stupid#the other day i went into a store with my sister and a woman was very chatty with me so i bought her a slushie and it was sweet how happy#that made her#so im just being dramatic you know its nice when someone smiles at you like directed at you#and like i did feel the sun on my arm while driving today and it felt nice and i can change as a person whenever i want#i dont like living in the city i think#i dont know what i want but i gotta make changes you know#start smoking and get a tattoo or something#i guess a lot of this is just regan and i arent that friendly right now and its making me sad#shes just busy#kinda a little bit makes me sad it was so nice when we started dating and we flirted a lot now its like im just a fixture that needs mainte#ance#everyso often#and my cats still dead#and his brother is dying#hes got lymphoma#i guess thats why im sad and sayng all this today
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woagh 2 posts in one day
#sketch#listen your honor i love him#im unsure if i wanna tag yosuke in this bc theyre like 15 min sketches so i think imma leave it like this and let the lord decide#i know hes not a like the fan fave in persona but somehow the trash boy has grown on me and is now like top 4 for the whole damn franchise#like mold or smth#you just gotta like reimagine him as a very tired repressed bi 16 yr old in a closet made of glass and he immediately becomes more likeable#like bro he works retail and is 16 thats why hes like that#also like the scene from the group date in pq where he goes “all right now we can be partners for all eternity!!!!”#that lives in my head rent free#listen he lives with teddie and works retail#as someone who also worked retail i promise you most of his not kanji related outbursts are justified#the kanji stuff is bad fr fr but like hes also 16 in 2011#let the 1st 16yr old who was not an asshole and uninformed cast the first stone#sorry i have a lot of feelings for 1 yosuke hanamura and i needed to tell all of you in this my diary#which reminds me#most of yall came from me posting about dr which ndrv3 has a very special place in my heart and on my walls#but alas p4 kicked saihara to the curb so idk if ill be making anymore??????? maybe i might in the future but idk im old and tired#and dr is and always will be full of 13 yr olds which is fine but i dont wanna interact with them bc im old#and tired of the same discourse every 6 months#maybe when the not actually but totally is dr4 that kodaka is cooking up drops ill make dr art again but unlikely for rn#once i figure out how p4 protag chan's bowl cut works ill draw boys kissing#i do need to figure out how to draw boys kissing#since it will also lead to figuring out how to draw girls kissing which is almost dare i say more important#anywho thank you for coming to my newest diary entry#i will never stop yapping in the tags#this is a promise#yall gotta know all my thoughts in as many characters and tags tumblr will let me have
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also yall know that thing about how people with adhd will forget you exist if they don't see you, that is very true on my end.
#i am impulsive with my words and don't really take all the time the impact they could have#never want to be rude or offensive in anyway but sometime i am#i value my experiences over other people to much and need to just close that part of me when interacting with people with different lives#i got a bias towards lighter skinned black folks but not in the way that you'd think#i view the struggles of not being black enough or really poc enough as nothing serious sometimes which isn't great and i gotta work on that#like my reasoning behind it is because i have always been to dark to black my hairs not good my i'm inferior because of my brown skin#the amount of colorism i faced growing up from adults reading oh i'm not black enough people called me white looking always read to me as a#brag in a way like its not but it sometimes feels like that especially living in the states were looking less like the ethnic group you are#in is the standard of beauty#its fuck up i read the colorism that lighter skinned folks face as something good its self hatred#plus another part of me sits and gets mad for them like fuck you for trying to denying my hertiage and the shit i have faced because i'm no#dark enough or the struggles i face isn't as bad as you've experience.#i only really take issue with the i'm not poc enough or someone called me white because shit i wish thats what i got instead of being calle#monkey or burnt or made to feel ugly because of my skin or not family because i wasn't the same color as my dad or mom#can't be putting my shit onto people#its not right and its unhealthy#something i gotta work on#will say though i was called white growing up for speaking a certain way and liking rock music and not being black enough in personality bu#i can't imagine how that must feel because of just how you look#i felt isolated from my peers for alot of reason but having my appearance being so upfront in that is different and i feel for my#lighter skinned peeps. i got alot of shit from adults on my skin tone than my actual peers thankfully.
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Prior to sending the ask I was just guessing what matrophobia meant based on the root words but I looked it up after and went ohhhh and then you confirmed that extra dimension to it and I went OHHHHH
I think that gets to the heart of what I've been thinking about, that bittersweetness, because despite his best efforts... of course he could never end up anything like Yoko, but he still ended up with an abusive "household." Because in addition to Masato ending up how he did, he has to see those same situations play out, feel that same tension in the air between Jo and Ichi, over and over for almost a decade straight.
Like, in a way, he's forced to put himself in Toshio's shoes when that happens. He can't really get through to Jo, in the same way Toshio can't get through to Yoko, but he can try to step in before lasting damage is done, and he can try to make it bearable for his son. You know. Have a nice talk. Treat him to Peking duck. I'm SO normal about the (drawn-out) parallels of those scenes
So then with Jo... he kind of does become his father, even if he never wanted to (no one wants to), both through his ruinous neglect of Masato at birth and through how he comes to look at discipline and corporal punishment. I'm sure it's not lost on him in Masato's case (owww), but with Ichi, it's not like he has any reason to see him as his son... But How Far Can That Take You.
Because it's like, at the start, he was openly beating Ichi in front of Arakawa and not letting up much when Arakawa intervened. But then you have The Yubitsume Scene and Arakawa walking in on All That and... he looks sorry. Sorry for being caught, probably, but sorry nonetheless. Like... what changed between then and now... have you two had a Heartfelt Conversation... do you know where Arakawa got that scar... are you unable to change your "nature" even then...
Side note bro your SHOE is the size of his TORSO I promise you do not need to kick him with all the strength you've got like what the hell is this 😭😭😭
BUT ALL THAT ASIDE thank you so much for delving into the symbolism! Wonderful read. I don't really have an eye for symbolism, so that makes it all the more enjoyable to revisit the comic and everything with what you've gone into. I think a lot of your experiences resonate with mine, so conversely I'm not sure what others would take away from it, BUT I think there's enough there that's so insightful and evocative that it's effective without personal experience. I don't think there's anything I could add, so. Yeah. For once I am happy to sit back and take it all in... On that note, definitely looking forward to your next comic!
AUUUGH YEAAAH YEAHEYA HYEAH THAT EXACTLY OUUUGH OWIEE OWW.....
that's literally it though. like no extra notes. except The Obligatory Few i dont think it was an accident that arakawa is set up as the beginning of the game's 'protagonist' and planting that 'troubled family' taste first thing in our mind. i remember how i felt when i first saw arakawa walk in on jo and ichi and then arakawa taking ichi out for dinner i was just like🧍♂️Girl No The Cycle.... It's Continuing...... //screams// LIKE UGH IT WAS SO GOOD BUT ALSO OWWW STOPPP and then on the REPLAY it just hurts more cause with the added context to jo's character its like Oh No...... You're Your Father's Son....
and youre right: jo doesn't have an implicit reason to see how he treats ichi is wrong, hence he similarly doesnt have any reason to stop- not unless arakawa intervenes of course (and i will stand outside my window thinking of the possibility arakawa ever did try to have A Conversation with jo... arms folded behind my back and all like Man™️....)
oh but yeah, absolutely no problem ! im lowkey of an egotist so i do like to talk bout the stuff i make. More In Depth (though thats obvious considering the fuckin essays in the tags i always leave ☠️☠️) gerjlgaELKjg. so i was happy to explain ♪(´▽｀) !! what i like about symbolism is that it can be intentional or not, and the fun is always finding it just by chance. i cant explain it properly, but i just think its a neat 'seasoning' of sorts to drawings (❁´◡`❁)
#long post#snap chats#everyone in rgg got flipper shoes i stg tho like evey time i look at everyones renders i gotta point it out to myself 😭#speaking of. The Cycle. and Personal Experiences. arakawa walkin in on jo and ichi esp hits cause thats def a thing thats happened to mysel#its insane how one woman terrorizes my whole family but no cause i remember my mom would tear me a new one. Metaphorically#or she'd be pissed at my sis and i and my sis would just take us out for lunch and we'd talk bout it#Unsurprisingly my dad would do that for me growin up and he was there#i used to visit him on weekends when he lived nearby and those were my Peking Duck dinners in a sense#he'd just do his best to make sure i felt at home and making sure. i was cared for for once LMAO#so yeah to see that repeat in my family with my sister taking the role of my dad its like ow...#OH YEAH NO ITS BEEN A HOT YEAR SINCE I SAID HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME TO GET THROUGH THE BEGINNING OF Y7 HUH#it hurts a lot to watch masumi's backstory since it's EXTREMELY personal and hits too close to home but i watch it anyway 🥴#probably the first and only time a piece of media can actually 'trigger' me that badly i guess. how lame#i think ive updated my villain origin story enough tho. im sorry you also had a shit mom If Im Assuming Right#i wish it was easy to deal with bad parents but. well. if it was we wouldnt have them amiright#the best i can do is vent how i feel and at least try to have people in similar situations as me feel. understood. as corny as that sounds#its a little heinous to say Im Glad Our Experiences Are Similar cause id never wish my experiences on anyone else#but i guess i mean to say im glad we can understand each other in that regard#on a semi-better note. please dont hope for the comic anytime soon i only just finished sketching set pieces ( ´◡` ;;;)#I GOT DISTRACTED AGAAAINNNNN also its very cold and i dont work well in the cold. s'cause my fingers get all stiff EW#but i WILL have this one done i have too many abandoned projects i aint abandoning another one#with that in mind its funny you mention arakawas scar cause i did have a tiny baby thing in mind with it#nothing sad or serious this time just somethin cute even. if THAT ever happens we'll see it but yeah. just another funny case of Timing#alright bye bye for now i should work on this. after i answer your second ask HANG ON ILL SEE YOU THERE--
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meow
MEOW
#i went swimming today and i did 30 minutes of laps and it hurt like shit!!! but i did it!!!#im gonna start going twice a week (cos its only $6.80 atm) because i need to become a stronger swimmer#right now i have little to no stamina. if i were to go swimming at a beach with friends (its summer here)#i would be putting myself in danger. (not like im going swimming at piha because who the fuck swims at piha i like living)#but if i were caught in a sudden rip i wouldnt have the strength or stamina to swim across and out and back to shore#and as an adult thats bad. eveybody gotta know how to swim!#also its fun! you can do flips underwater and dive and float
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Look for hidden veggies recipes. There's multiple vegan cheese recipes that are completely made out of vegetables and it still tastes like cheese. Branch out of US food recipes as well(if youre in the US), a lot of other countries do a lot better with making both fruits and esp vegetables taste better. Soups, dumplings, veggie burgers, pasta made out of veggies, and using dips and sauces are a good way as well. If you need veg to be easier to chop up, you can buy pre chopped, use a food processor, or get a manual vegetable chopper. Ninja blender is fantastic for making soups and pureeing vegetables.
i mean this in the gentlest way possible: you need to eat vegetables. you need to become comfortable with doing so. i do not care if you are a picky eater because of autism (hi, i used to be this person!), you need to find at least some vegetables you can eat. find a different way to prepare them. chances are you would like a vegetable you hate if you prepared it in a stew or roasted it with seasoning or included it as an ingredient in a recipe. just. please start eating better. potatoes and corn are not sufficient vegetables for a healthy diet.
#as i get older i get a bit more worried on how people talk about food and how we've gone from any food is better than no food#to eat only foods that make you 100% satisfied and never bother you in any way#like food scientists have jobs where they design food to be as addicting as possible#when all youre eating is the processed food and tons of sugar the whole foods will not taste as good right away#its a process to be autistic and to learn how to adapt to eating more veg but it can be done#you need to be able to support autistic people in a way that is both helpful and healthy#you cant live your life without eating fruits and vegetables#and also if you have GI issues with fruit and veg you need to talk with your dr about the best way to get in that type of nutrition#at some point you gotta stop throwing your hands up and saying well ill just eat pizza or whatever since thats all i can handle#thats doing yourself a huge disservice#if the only thing u can eat is pizza then chop up some veg super small and add it on top of the pizza#or try a cauliflower crust#or a zuchini crust#theres an entire internet of resources to help you find ways to eat healthier even if its something you struggle with#actuallyautistic
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i wish there was a way for me to likeee. semi change this one thingin this one mod. but 1 im not a modder 2 i feel like thats disrespectful. i just want sort of an inbetween between the game and this mod but that is not a thing that exist... sigh
#NOT COMPLAINING ABT THE MOD just personal preference im not saying the mod bc i dont want it seen as an attack but basically i like mods#that add a bit more realism while also keeping some stuff yfm... like 4 example Random example unrelated i like the idea of Having to decid#what to do with the remains of a dead sim and having the body stick around but i also like having the grim reaper appear.... so in my ideal#death mod the sim dies and then the grim reaper shows up to like. take their soul but the body stays. im not a modder so idk how possible..#also ig that kind of doesnt fully make sense since the ghosts r still afoot so ig itd just be him severing the connection btwn the body and#soul right. not taking anything... which i suppose is what he does in the basegame is he severs the connection and then takes the body w/#him. which is kind of funny. whats he need that for is it just courtesy or is he doing smtg w/ them. bc ik you get the gravestone/urn when#they die and those r the remains but like. ? he just like. conjures those doesnt he. body vanishes and then those appear. does he just#rearrange the atoms of the body into those things. bc i dont subscribe to the idea that he actually digs a hole for the corpse idt theres#anything down there bc u cn put a basement right under a grave and no issues. so i think he magics the bodies away and then either somehow#transforms those bodies into the appropriate grave marker (unclear on if theres even actually ash in the urn like is that mentioned. OR he#takes them leaves the urn and gravestone and then just has the bodies to do whatever with. WHATS HE DOING !!! is it a nice like Ill just#handle this so they dont have to (presumptuous. caring for a body is a rly important thing in many cultures and it can be a great way to#process a loss for some ppl (not all obviously. grief is very personal this is one of my autism things sry)) but ig in simnation society it#isnt that important Evidently. but idk... either hes taking them as a favor to help out/soften the blow bc obv nobody Likes seeing the grim#reaper olive sit down. connor sit down. so hes like well ill handle this. or is it something more nefarious WHTS HE DOINGG tell me. i think#funny to imagine he just teleports the body elsewhere ik he prolly just destroys it but its kind of awesome to imagine theres a giant magic#crematorium and like. a columbarium. idk why i assume cremation itd just save space in his. realm? i he has a realm. if i were him and i#didnt have a realm id be kinda pissed id call the watcher and be like heyyy um... yk. but ya i think thats cool bc i love lands of the dead#gotta be one of my favorite things (autistic) and i think its just cool to imagine a place where the remains of every person whos ever live#r kept. be that their soul as is traditional or their literal remains in this case. isnt that kind of cool.. love it. but again we probably#arent supposed to rly think abt it he prolly jut vaporizes them into nothing. i just wanted to have fun... bring a positive sort of vibe.#anyways. i would like to be able to have The body just bc i think thats cool and i think itd be awesome to have a mod that adds in more#grieving practices from around the world but obviously thatd be like. HUGEscale bc there are a millionnn different ways to grieve. and its#all so interesting to learn abt. read from here to eternity. by caitlin doughty. smiles <- it doesnt cover Everything obv but it talks abt#lot of stuff from around the world in a rly respectful way and its incredible to read abt and learn. my autism . but i genuinely love#learning abt grief and mourning and funerary practices in other cultures i rly wish that so many practices werent lost to colonization wher#ppl were forced to abandon their way of caring for their dead just bc it seemed ghoulish or barbaric or whathave you to the missionaries et#idk. id put death it up there with food as one of the biggest cultural signifiers...i cant continue the tag limit. wtvr. u get it
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Watched ghost world for the first time, not bad 7.3/10
One of those movies where kind of everyone sucks but not because everyone sucks, just because everyone's human and just dealing with their own suckiness
#not a single likable character in this movie but thats kind of whats good about it#its not really about being this candycorn story#its just some people figuring out how to go forward in their life#like they have at least one thing theyre sure about doing and they just do that#and its like hey maybe the rest will follow#maybe you spend the rest of your life figuring yourself out#but really theres no right way or wrong way to live a life#just gotta pick a path and start walking and see what goes on from there
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#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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Its bs like this that leads to inaction/ our politics going right. If you actually think this, please educate yourself on history and how politics in this country work, and stop spreading hopeless rhetoric. Some of us arent ready to surrender yet
screaming "we can push them Left!" when all the while they've been pushing you Right.
#us politics#our two parties are getting pushed right cuz conservatives vote in greater numbers than those on the left#and each year sees that becoming more and more true#we have a 2 party system cuz most people who want to see that change dont vote or only vote in the presidential#and the only way to change the 2 party system other than a revolution thatll kill millions of vulnerable people#Is To Vote in those other elections#like seriously do you hear yourself? why would a politician go left when people on the left arent voting?#politicians have to gain favor from voters and if people on the left are protest voting or refusing to#theyre gonna be forced to look to the right!#and the people who only vote in presidential elections but none of the other? do yall think we live in a dictatorship?#fuck this shit is so wildly ignorant it frustrates the hell out of me#not only do we have to fight conservatives we gotta drag yalls dead weight too??? and yall wonder why we're losing this war#and stop using genocide as an excuse thats not frustrating thats rage inducing#tell me you know jack all about us foreign policy and about genocide without saying it#when you use the suffering of palestinians to justify your protest vote that tells me you dont actually care about genocide#you only care about the method#cuz otherwise the things being done to poc indigenous queer people etc elsewhere would also send you to the polls#but no fuck everyone else all that matters is this one single genocide the rest? they can all die huh#never mind that there is literally tangible proof of how it will exponentially worse for palestine and the congo and the other genocides#if trump wins#who cares? as long as you can go to sleep at night
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my problem with utilitarianism is clearly displayed in "the ones who walk away from omelas", because I think when people are like "yeah that one kid deserves to suffer for the greater good"-- they're really showing their ass for not having a whole lotta empathy and also that they are unphased by the behavior of the average citizens AND that they don't truly value equality. and yeah, its the same as the trolley problem, but imagine with me- you have the choice to save one jewish person or 5 neo nazis. I kinda think there are lots of times where the benefit of the many isn't as important as it is for the few. just like with taxes. sure it's annoying for some people, but people who rely on government assistance also deserve to live and thrive. i'd much prefer a world where everyone equally shares somewhat in suffering rather than one singular person-- how can you not see how fucked up that is?
#how are you not horrified by the citizens who continue to live there#i really dont give af if they wanna pretend they live in heaven or eden or whatever the fuck. i think they'll be fine if they dont eat#bountiful amounts of grapes daily like a fat greek king passively watching gladiators kill eachother#if you're fine with this situation I have to assume you also hate taxes and dont care who it helps (the most vulnerable in our communities)#and that you see it as somehow better to save the 5 neo nazis vs the one jewish person which. I cant fathom.#you gotta be hugely lacking in empathy if thats the case. and also maybe dumb.#bc the neo nazis will likely just turn around and kill you#but oh at least 5 of the worst people lived vs someone who is at worst neutral#its why that one post someone made about omelas on here didn't sit right with me.#you really truly actually think that one kid suffering is somehow better for humanity?#personally I think it reveals a dark sickness hidden deep within humanity.#and you supporting it... makes me questionable of you...... and also makes me think you should never hold substantial power#if you think your happiness and well being is more important than someone else's you've lost the plot- esp to THAT degree.#its nice i ... guess that you tell the kid that he deserves to be angry about it. but. you're really gonna stand by that it was for the#greater good? really? truly?#the kid can barely function or interact with people and doesnt know how to take care of himself but its fine bc at least these other#shitty people get to pretend they live in heaven#yeah I really dont think I care if their quality of life slightly decreases if it means this kids life gets to be better.
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