#but like with an epic fight to the death with the half brother

[lorillee]

WE GOT ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

[briar-rolfes-research-oubliette]

ON MONDAY, I (FINALLY) MADE IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE NEWEST ERAGON BOOK!

MURTAGH

“A Book I Read”

It took three very patient friends of mine to encourage me to finish reading this. I took notes the whole way through, and I am now sharing those in hope of finding loving community with my fellow haters.

Important context:

I loved Eragon, which came out when I was roughly eleven

Christopher Paolini was the first author to ever disappoint me

I used to love epic fantasy, until feminism, coming out, and learning about literary criticism made me just too mean to enjoy it

Since 2015, whenever I’ve had writer’s block, I’ve found inspiration by looking at this screenshot:

Christopher has managed to create a life where his mum has never stopped doing his laundry or his editing for him. He has never worked a job in his life. He has infinite time to work on his craft, and yet, with all of those advantages, he writes the way he does. I don’t hate him, but I do want to destroy him in single combat.

LET US BEGIN.

17 November 2023

I forgot how obsessed this man is with proving he knows rare words. Picking up my phone to google the word “trenchant”.

He really just didn’t want to say the dragon had a sharp sense of humour huh? Oh, no, it’s TRENCHANT. It wasn’t even for dialogue I identified as comedy but Murtagh thought it was TRENCHANT. He and Thorn have been alone in the wilderness for too long

NOT NASUADA BEING DESCRIBED AS HAVING ALMOND EYES

Of course the protagonist has grown a beard. He’s A Man Now.

I have a theory that this book is about coming to terms with marriage. Murtagh is like “our bond… our bond that lasts until death… the oldest magic… only the two of us understand each other. But, we’re also trapped with each other,” and I’m like hm. Fascinating. Say more

Instantly Murt befriends a child, to prove he is good really.

It’s so weird to read a book by a grown man with kids who is like “how did we all start out so innocent and pure…” like have you MET five year olds

This whole fork fight scene makes me feel second hand embarrassment deep in my soul. It’s SO This Guy Is The Best And Coolest

“Fencing with effortless ease” I do not care how well trained he is: you cannot kill four men with long swords by stabbing them with a little fork in “four hard impacts.” It’s just not happening.

I’m really dwelling on the idea of magic as “imposing your will” on something. It’s very.., something. Murtagh cleans his shirt by “imposing his will on the garment” like. Okay, I suppose in a way that is how all laundry is done, but it’s. Hm.

How come he’ll clean a shirt with magic but not shave with magic? Why are these books SO obsessed with beards and shaving and how to do shave and using magic for shaving etc etc, Eragon was also majorly preoccupied with this

Paolini’s got so many complexes on the page. All the “we’re half brothers and your dad killed my dad” stuff is A LOT

The naming stuff… SMH what would Ursula Le Guin say about all this

I’m obsessed with how even as (gasp) an OUTCAST!! Murtagh can’t not be the coolest guy ever for any time at all. It’s like a disease

Giving the child the enchanted killing fork was the worst decision ever made. Murtagh gives her a murder weapon and is then moping like “what’s it like… to live without killing…” literally pages later.

I’m really startled that Murt is delighted to see a tiny flying magical grass boat come down from the sky and circle him instead of being like “wtf, I’m being Watched,” which would be the true act of a man we are told is paranoid

I just got to the bit where Murtagh offhandedly says that magic users who “are the heaviest” always have the most spell reserves.

Like……… what???? Magic eats your fat?? It burns glucose??

You could be a better mage if you just, ate a bunch of raspberry frogs before each fight??????

It’s food powered??? You really want to go there, Paolini????? Wizards in the candy shop, eating sweeties like Mistborns?

GOD, if only Galbatorix had chugged a bottle of red cordial before his last big fight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I return after losing my mind about this to my partner for forty minutes)

If it was “if you’re hungry you can’t FOCUS” I’d get it. But I always assumed it was like, you know how other fantasy does it? Some kind of pool of ADDITIONAL energy that you are accessing and that can be used up (until you go too far and start using life force or whatever). Like, it’s CHANNELLING it that makes you tired, not that it’s literal food energy.

Murtagh is always running or doing his sword forms or whatever and now I’m like “DUDE, NO!!!?!? DON’T BURN YOUR WIZARD CALORIES!!?!?”

I like when magic can’t do EVERYTHING, when it’s consistent or limited in some way, but I do hate the idea that it’s this predictable. Food energy becomes raw magical power. I GUESS.

(A little later)

Screaming at the suggestion Thorn can tell when Murtagh is horny.

I don’t like the euphemisms. It makes it worse

The fact he can’t talk to his dragon whenever they’re “too far apart” (distance never specified) is making me insane. Why did I pick up the dragon riding book if it’s mostly about leaving your dragon locked up at the bike rack

I know Thorn is basically a rescue dog with anxiety, but it bothers me how much he’s left on his own. The narrative just has no idea what to use him for other than speedy transport for the first um… 200 pages, it seems? He’s meant to be his own creature with his own intelligence. He doesn’t go anywhere without Murtagh though. So what is he doing all the time

I think Paolini WANTS his world to be big and mysterious (his introduction literally just keeps saying things in the world of the story are mysterious) but he HAS to keep explaining everything

24 November 2023

I’ve figured out something that annoys me about the world of this book, in terms of just how the worldbuilding is not actually that magical. It has the D&D problem!!! Which is to say that every regular person on earth is Level One and every important character is like, level 12. And part of what makes that even worse is that all women in this world are level zero.

I’ve been watching my friend Chris play the first Alan Wake game and we realised that all the faceless enemies that are possessed by Evil in the game are… working class men. The protagonist is this literate wealthy New York writer who is constantly killing faceless workers—farmers, loggers, coal miners, builders. And that’s not an INTENTIONAL commentary by the game, but it’s very revealing. And This book is the same in that: there is no such thing as a complicated poor person. They’re all either Dirty Evil or Dirty Good. Murtagh is going around, writing poetry in his head and inventing magical computer code, and then every child is an urchin who is like Oi Guvnah, and every dad is gruff, and every woman is worried.

The language used to describe everyone who isn’t a Fighting Man is so demeaning. And even then, we only need to respect the leaders of those men. The leaders are the only ones with depth who might need to be taken seriously.

It’s like Murtagh has a tally in his head where he is going “finally, a guy who is level 6”!

Most people in this world exist to deliver information to the protagonist.

Paolini either thinks his readers are too dumb to understand that his characters exist between scenes, or he doesn’t understand himself that we don’t need to see every time Murtagh enters a city under a new name and how he does it. Or know what he ate for dinner and how he prepared it and where he slept and what he dreamed and, and, and—

It’s weird because Paolini is being self indulgent as fuck but it is NOT fun to read. This dude really just needs to go write a survival story or something… A guy in the woods depending on nothing but his wits and his axe and his beard and his libertarian values

I don’t understand the stakes at play. All the magic scenes with Mind Penetration are so sudden and hard to actually understand as action. And the way it works is about brute force, so the dragon is not going to be at risk of being taken over except by another, even bigger dragon

It would be fun to read the Murtagh city sleuth segments if Thorn was backseat driving a little. I think that their bond should not get thinner over distance. The fact that it does just defeats the point of a magical bond.

Why does the dragon have to stay so far away? Like… it’s established that there’s a spell to conceal a dragon from sight. Dude. You could just go fucking invisible

There’s so many decisions that just are so bonkers to have made. The whole fetch quest for information pissed me off so bad. “You have to join the guard” (40 pages of emotions about uniforms ensue). This guy learned about plots from video games

Paolini had kids apparently, but you can tell he doesn’t really understand kids. “How do they all start out so innocent and pure,” says a man who has never heard a seven year old describe someone being killed by farts before.

The description of Murtagh carrying a cat that doesn’t want to be carried is very funny. I don’t know if Paolini has ever carried a cat before. If you’re carrying a cat that doesn’t want to be carried close to your chest, and you tighten your grip when it squirms… say goodbye to your nipples, my man

It’s strange how much Paolini doesn’t explore the things that seem to be the point. FOR EXAMPLE, the fantasy soul bond trope loves to say “even during sex!??! 👀” because it’s about INTIMACY, and some alien presence always being there. The dragon rider trope is popular because dragons are powerful and wise but also Beasts. Magic is fun to read about because it can do things that can’t be explained.

Paolini’s world is big, but nothing in it has any real substance. Nothing in it has any real consequence, and it makes it impossible to really invest in anything that happens. None of these poor city folks have a life once they leave the scene of delivering Murtagh information… or if they are a woman, delivering him a hot meal. There’s no sense of a world that exists outside Murtagh’s point of view!

25 November 2023

The towns so far don’t feel at all distinctive to me! I was interested in the one with the massive lake, but then it having this massive fish in it was the only point of interest. It would be fun to have been like “oh the fish has ruined our summer festival! It’s ruined the nobility pleasure cruises! It’s also eating fishermen!” Or “Why do all these fishing boats have huge spikes on the prow? Well,”

Again, these guys are all level one in peasant dirt town. They have no capacity for individual thought and no ability to adapt.

It’s like Paolini doesn’t know what makes people and places in fantasy feel distinct, or have culture. It’s so evident in how much he HASN’T thought about. For example, the bonkers amount of restrictive gender norms that he doesn’t seem AT ALL CONSCIOUS OF? Everyone who died in the war was A Man. No women died in the war. But that hasn’t resulted in any social changes. There aren’t more women doing work, for example, like being fishermen

I remember being thirteen or so and reading the bit in the second book where Arya explains to Eragon that she’s better and stronger than a human woman, because she is an elf, so Eragon doesn’t have to worry about her in battle. I was this kid there like “man, that sucks. I assume he’s coming back to that assumption later,” and… he never did. He still hasn’t. And that sucks

The dragon riders were not THAT long ago, in the world of these books. It makes me wonder—were none of them human women? I always assumed that some were human women, but… did dragons only choose elf men, elf women, and human men? If they chose human women, then even being accepted into a paramilitary dragon force didn’t change gender expectations in the rest of the world. What the fuck. He’s really never thought about this.

Women keep showing up as cunning-mysterious, as humble dirtmothers, or as innocent children. Oh my god I’m just describing maiden mother crone. That’s all he’s capable of.

I just got up to where he rescues the werecat baby (innocent girl child) and settles in to hear the stories of elder werecat (cunning-mysterious)

I noticed the Arya Problem with how Nasuada is described in this book, too. Every woman has to be the best, most capable, most powerful woman ever, to be worth the attention of The Boys. Otherwise they can’t respect her. Only two literal queens can be considered worthy of just two average guys who got pet lizards. Even then, they’re not actual equals.

“She still empathised for me.” Yes, don’t worry, Murtagh, I remember that’s what women are for.

I should note that the reason Nasuada is considered so powerful and so much worthy of his love and is her strength as a person. This is proven in the Eragon books because “she still empathised” with Murtagh whilst he was medieval torturing her. He was medieval torturing her for like… most of a book and that’s how they fell in love. Because she could see in his eyes that this guy torturing her… was Complicated. He didn’t really WANT to be medieval torturing her so she actually felt worse for him than he felt about how he was (and I can’t stress this enough) medieval torturing her

I just can’t imagine that THE QUEEN OF A WHOLE CONTINENT would still prefer the guy who sadly tortured her. He’s her top preference. Out of EVERY OTHER MAN IN THE WORLD

I put the book down until the day before I was meant to have finished the book for book club:

10 March 2024: from page 274 onwards

The evil witch is called BACHEL?????!!?!??!? Fucking BACHEL. Pronounced “buh-SHELL”, the guide at the back says. You changed one letter in Rachel, don’t lie to me Paolini

I got so mad being reminded the evil king Galbatorix was defeated by “Eragon forcing empathy upon him” so that he magically exploded himself out of guilt that I had to put the book down and complain to Charlie for five straight minutes

I guess that’s why Galbatorix made Murtagh torture Nasuada for him. He knew that if he’d done it himself she would have empathised with him too hard and he would’ve exploded himself

Murtagh has never met a single person he has respected. Murtagh is the specialest boy in all the land. Eragon had to leave the country because they were both too special to share a continent

Murtagh decided on where to go and he was immediately surrounded by armed guards who took him to where the plot was

Paolini uses the fucking word “admixed” while discussing EATING A PIE. The flavours admixed in his mouth. Just because you know a word… doesn’t mean it’s a word to deploy about eating a pie

I HATE how the only people strong enough to do the strongest magic are Elves Or Human Riders. It’s fucking magic my guy! Why is it checking your goddamn DNA! Also, hey! Wasn’t it supposed to come down to the strongest wizards being the guys who ate the most for lunch?

In a world of Magic how come every wizard battle ultimately comes down to who is a better Professor X?? I came here for fireballs, not Mind Battles. I don’t care about your Mental Wards

Hahaha Murtagh!!! Get trapdoored, bitch!!!!

Dragon panic attacks: conceptually cool but a bit ?? Like ah… the plot literally comes to scoop him up and carry him away. Yet again something outside of Murtagh makes a decision for him about what to do next

Murtagh’s poetry is going to make me explode myself like Galbatorix in book 4

If there’s something I like about this book so far it’s just the bits where he and Thorn are camping. Not flying, because then Murtagh is using the time to think and that’s horrible. The bits where they make campfires or whatever feel like something is actually happening. A guy and his dragon hanging out

Man. The way this novel is plotted really reminds me that it’s not actually that hard to write a book.

Murtagh goes to the evil village (oh yeah there’s an evil village. It is where Bachel lives. She is evil because she does magic without using the magic language). The village is called:

NAL GORGOTH

But I couldn’t remember this so I kept referring to it in my head by another, more familiar, name

Murtagh is so freaked out by finding a village with architecture that he doesn’t recognise. He’s like “My god!!! Nasuada has to be warned!!!” Ok but about what??? New ways of building pillars???? The art deco movement threatens the land??

Kinda fascinated by how much this village represents a threat to CULTURE. The architecture, the people… Everything about it so far is designed to be A Foreign Threat. The inhabitants are Of All Races (except elves they are too cool too pure etc). The humans have A VARIETY OF SKIN COLOURS, which memorably never happens in Alagaesia, a continent once explicitly described in the Eragon books as only having two (2) black people on it at all (then one died) (the other is Nasuada) (the one who died was her dad)

This guy with a goatee isn’t quite human. He is maybe part urgal and he is so uncomfortable to look at! Mainly he has arms that are a bit too long!! Bachel isn’t a human and also isn’t an elf, and that’s also deeply unsettling.

Bachel also fundamentally represents a threat to THE STRUCTURING POWER OF LANGUAGE, huh??

Bachel is so far the most interesting character in the book!

Bachel has: ALMOND EYES and AMBER SKIN

Murtagh is so upset and confused when Bachel calls him “my son” like… I’m cryign. “But she’s not my mother! I know my mother!!” he thinks, in a panic.

If this was a fantasy novel written twenty to thirty years ago, then the sexual tension between Murtagh and Bachel would be absolutely insane. Alas, this is a world of abstinence, and sexuality is only ever meaningful looks between a queen and the guy who tortured her (it is weird how he keeps caressing Nasuada’s face on the gold coins)

It’s very funny that Bachel has specifically fourteen warriors. The prose keeps telling us that there’s fourteen of them. So you get Murtagh stepping forwards and then sentences like “the fourteen warriors attending Bachel shifted”

She seems like a perfectly normal cult leader to me? Why is she automatically a threat to Nasuada! How come the two of them can’t arrange a toxic political marriage that becomes… something more 😉😉😉

Nothing annoys me more in this book than Murtagh being able to identify specific vintages of wine. It keeps happening and it pisses me off

Bachel is a half elf!!! “It had never occurred to him that such a thing might be possible.” This is truly and absolutely unbelievable to me. Nobody in this world ever has sex

How did it take so long to get to such an objectively cool village!!! Like this is just a cool place!!! Sorry that Nar Nar Goon is evil but like FINALLY something has style

Three thoughts at once:

I’m so bored that Paolini’s mind can’t get more interesting than temple virgins, let alone wearing white to represent ritualistic purity. Like… nobody in this world fucks anyway, why does it matter!

Murtagh should also wear white all the time

Lesbianism doesn’t count as a violation of being temple chosen. Alín is wearing lesbianism

Paolini has never once written a woman who is Normal. He just can’t conceive of it. You can feel how he starts sweating.

Murtagh finally realised it was a cult. What sets it apart as a cult is that the followers appear to be “half-wits” to him

I’m going to detransition to break his fucking neck

Paolini has learned nothing since he had a woman deliver the exact same line in like 2008. The fact that another editor just thumbsed this up. The fact that this is in a book published in 2023. Well, now I’m REALLY embarking on an antagonistic reading: that’s right, I am reading women as capable.

Obsessed with Bachel. She is a girlboss and I’m a feminist xxx

Book is constantly weird about how much she is capable of eating and drinking at her feasts and how it makes her appear swollen and bloated etc etc. Murtagh is so weirded out by this because he feels it is unfeminine… as though she is not a witch and we weren’t told earlier that how much magic you have is directly equal to how much you eat. (Meanwhile he is only picking at his food and eating just enough of it ‘to be polite’ as though this is not making a decision to have less magic than her)

She has so much charisma compared to anyone else in the book. If my choices are her or Murtagh then sign me up boys!!!

Okay but much like how this would’ve been a VERY charged relationship 30 years ago, I’m weirdly disappointed Bachel she isn’t not described as megahot? Like the book keeps telling me about this virginal templemaiden or whatever, because Murtagh is only attracted to women he can rescue. But I’m actually just like… I think this woman is hot. Tell me more about her. It’s wild that this book is written by a guy like Paolini, who told me all about Oromis’ pubic hair in 2008, and who barely thinks women are people. Yet he doesn’t want to discuss her tiddies?

This book could, and should! have started when Murtagh landed his dragon in the evil village of Nar Nar Goon. That’s the point that stuff got actually interesting. Everything before this was literally video game fetch quest logic plotting that earned him the right to fly to Nar Nar Goon.

Boar hunt. More like BORED hunt. And then suddenly there are so many pigs, a comical number of them flying everywhere

This motherfucker using the phrase “the boar was lying athwart him” in a sentence in an action scene????

Murtagh is nearly dead and the boar is lying athwart him?

I’m going back in time and bullying the author at school

RIP Murtagh, trambled to death by 30-50 wild hogs

Oh god every time someone knocks Murtagh out he has a vision or a bad dream or a flashback or whatever and it’s so tiring

“EXISTENCE WAS A TOMB WHEREIN THE SINS OF THE PAST LAID INTERRED???” Do you ever read a sentence that sounds so much like the author is jerking it? “All had been lost, and there before him lay the instrument of their destruction” he is furiously jerking it oh my god. “Destroyer of hope, eater of light” oh, god, he’s still going

…This book is. Weird about mothers

Murtagh flies into a rage because Bachel mercy killed a guy who was dying bc of boar trampling because “I COULD HAVE HEALED HIM!!!!!” And the mercy killing is proof it is a cult. Because doing it Bachel’s way meant the guy was too relaxed and at peace when he died

Paolini’s family were in a cult, as I understand. So it’s kind of weird how much he doesn’t really understand how being in a cult works

I don’t really remember how religion works in this world, but I do remember tuning out of a long boring passage in book 2 or 3 where Eragon learned about all the gods and decided he was an atheist. It’s especially weird to be like “holy shit, an EVIL religion??!” In a book where religion has absolutely never come up before now

Oh my god, Alìn was whipped for being ‘too familiar’ with Murtagh!!! That’s because she’s so pure and a helpless victim girl in all white :’((

In my mind Bachel and Alìn COULD be in a fucked up lesbian relationship with bad BDSM etiquette. Of course Paolini can’t imagine a world where women have enough personality or agency to fall in toxic love with each other. Also even though he has people tied up and strapped down and whipped and being tortured etc in every book don’t think he knows that BDSM like. Exists. Boooooo

Murtagh: killing one guy who is dying of a punctured lung is the ultimate evil!

Also Murtagh: I know an invisibility spell, but to sneak out of my room I am going to suffocate seven men to death

Genuinely upsetting to read those men dying. He made it impossible for air to enter or exit their lungs with a word. Veins popping clawing at faces etc. God, what a way to go. So unnecessarily cruel. Yep, there goes the good guy

The main way the village is evil is that there are unsettling carvings everywhere. Paolini read some Lovecraft, but he did not understand what was up with it. Or maybe he did, because this book did get a lot more weird about Racial Purity once Murtagh arrived in Lovecraft Village

11 March 2024

There’s a bloodstain that “filled Murtagh with the apprehension of evil” and it confused me because these books are so gory. Earlier he killed four men with a fork. But like oh yeah I guess it’s because when Murtagh murders people now it’s bloodless. I guess. His murders are good you see

This chapter is called The Bad Sleep-Well you can tell Paolini thought he was a real genius for this one

Okay but why are there bats… roosting… in a cave… at night. And why is Murtagh worried that red light will risk waking them? Animals cannot see red light?? SOME FARM BOY YOU ARE, PAOLINI

Okay I have to stop nitpicking. I have to restrain myself until my Vyvanse kicks in

“Murtagh felt a sense of not just age but antiquity. Whoever had built the stairs had done so long before Alagaesia had been a settled place. What was it Bachel had said? That the cultists had lived in Nal Gorgoth since before elves were elves... He was starting to think she had told the truth.”

Sorry uhhhh, Alagaesia was settled?? When they talk about The Grey Ones, are they talking about a race PRIOR TO COLONISATION?????????

“He continued forward. Deeper into the womb of the earth. Deeper into the black unknown, seeking, seeking, always seeking a farther shore, every sense razor-sharp and razor-scraped, skin all goosefleshed, cold sweat dripping down the back of his neck and gathering around his belted waist.”

God it’s so overwrought...

He found the well!!

Oh my god. The well is a natural magic hotspot and that means it “wasn’t the sort of thing that the Draumar ought to have dominion over.” It’s a natural resource???

“Not that he would want Du Vrangr Gata to assume control over such an important location either. This was exactly what the Riders had been created for: to oversee and mediate that which could destabilize the land.”

Murtagh is going to bring democracy to the Middle East

He’s too scared to mentally contact his dragon with Bachel around. If he was a proper horse girl he would find a way

Oh Galbatorix BECAME evil because he met Bachel and she manipulated him. Haha oh dear. No, you can’t just come to the conclusion the dragon rider paramilitary force who controls the resources are bad on your own. Not just because they sent you into the mountains when they knew it was dangerous and wanted to find out if you’d be killed up there! No, a manipulation had to have happened

It’s funny to me that the evil ancient witch queen who lives in seclusion in the mountains uses the new name for the city of Uru’baen. Oh no, she knows it as Ilirea. She’s hundreds and hundreds of years old. You know what that is? Evidence of Find And Replace, to me.

Bachel’s eyes are “glowing with fevered ecstasy.” I could make her feel that way. Also. Because, I know about sex

Always with the fucking passing out at the end of the chapter for Christopher James Paolini

NOW Bachel is being described appropriately as a hottie. FINALLY. GOD! It only took Murtagh being mind controlled in his brain but I. I!!! I could see the glorious light of truth!!

“He followed, dumb and wildered.” Well, not as much as that sentence. (You can be bewildered. But can you ever just be wildered????)

The dedication to making Murtagh the most pitiful little meow meow in existence in the Galbatorix flashbacks I’m… what happened to the joys of a guy who is evil because he was convinced or was tricked, not because he was fully brain abused???

The Urgals are racially… uncomfortable. Yellow eyes and Murtagh just straight up saying “how do you speak English”

The evil guys have masks and they put them on and like channel the animals the masks are of and on one hand it’s an idea I THINK is cool but also combined with the everything it really has this “tribal stuff is threatening” vibe all over it

“What do you want, witch?”

“I want you.”

Obsessed with how he’s shackled to a table and there’s still an incredible lack of sexual energy to this scene. This is like a day at the office for both of them.

… oh, but she is wearing claws and claws DOES equal a threat of penetration. Maybe a little sexual? As a treat??

Him being tortured reminds him of torturing Nasuada. Wow, it was their first date!

It’s just like. It’s fucked up imo. She should never kiss you Murtagh!!!

Is anything more boring than a torture scene.

Also, was he not drugged right before this scene? How is he able to mentally evade her and power his wards etc?

I’m mad that when he’s brought fancy foods by Alìn he doesn’t share his food with Ubek the Urgal

Oh my god Ubek tells him a story where the moral is just him outright saying at the end, “it’s important to stay close to the people we care for, even if we don’t always fit in so easily” lmao. Subtlety of a mallet

Is anything more boring than a torture scene? How about a torture chapter!!!1!1!1!

This chapter is interminable. Oh my god.

Oh, so we did all that and he gives in I guess. I can’t believe how little agency this man has had throughout this book????

Haha oh my god, Bachel is studying his nude and compliant body in front of her court. Telling him to turn around so she can inspect his back (no mention of his ass even though it is out, tragic). Fucking love it. Now that’s bdsm. Pledging my allegiance to her instantly.

I am BORED. I liked when he was at least doing things of his own volition!

He flies his dragon off on Bachel’s orders and we get the line “Never had air smelled so… so… delicious.” Cryign

GASP he’s killed… CHILDREN!!!!!!! I hate how it only becomes horrifying for him to have done these murders once he realises they’re HUMAN children. Urgal children? The implication is that would’ve been a bit tacky but ultimately fine

Prison brothers blood pact. I feel so little about this. Ubek is 5000x more interesting than Murtagh but he’s been slotted into what is unfortunately a sort of magical indigenous person trope but where instead of being a human being, he is an orc. Which makes the whole trope much worse

Murtagh touched Alìn’s face… gasp! She’s been corrupted by the Touch Of A Man!!!!! (I do not care about this.)

(I care a little. For example she didn’t touch HIM. He just reached out and she didn’t pull away. This is the biggest decision about this character’s life, and she isn’t even allowed to be the one who makes it. He decides on her behalf, and she must be okay with it. Because she doesn’t pull away or fight him off.)

(Also Paolini doesn’t seem to be aware that ‘a woman who has been pledged not to be touched by a man’ would um. USUALLY be understood by a reader as euphemistic. Not that her purity could be forever ruined by a man literally just touching her face)

The way Paolini fills Murtagh’s brainwashed dialogue with oops all ellipses makes me want to tear the book apart with my teeth

Worst: how Grieve the guy who is part urgal is perpetually referred to as “heavy-browed.” “the heavy-browed Grieve” I’m sorry but I missed phrenology school, is that bad??

Also if he’s maybe part Urgal but Murtagh is now given a chance to making it clear that some of his best friends are urgals... Why is Grieve so distastefully described? What’s wrong with being half urgal? My suspicion: it’s the bloodlines intermingling

I suspect I can just skip every fucking dream sequence and flashback. Nothing of any value in these

This one guy, Lyreth, who trapdoored Murtagh for 2.5 seconds ages ago in the book, is TWICE referenced as holding/ touching the waists of “village” or “cultist” women in his dialogue tags. That’s the full extent of it. It’s not that there’s a giggling tavern girl sprawled in his lap while he’s speaking. These faceless women are exclusively sketched into existence by how a named male character’s hand is on their waist. We don’t know anything about how they are responding to his touch, which is extra in-your-face considering that Murtagh just obliterated a woman’s ritual purity by touching her face without asking. And it’s only ever these women’s waist. It’s not their hips or thighs or boobs. He’s not kissing their necks. I’m sure in Paolini’s mind this guy touching women’s waists is meant to read as sexual, which is supposed to reinforce that he’s a scumbag… but it doesn’t work because it’s so impersonal. These women are just… unmoving waists that he is just touching. It serves as a good illustration of how women—and sex and sexuality and bodies—are handled in these books. Men are never ruled by their strong and muscular bodies. Men have minds, and magic, and telepathy battles. Even when Murtagh is on a torture table or when he’s naked in front of a powerful woman who is actively inspecting his body, he doesn’t feel vulnerable. He doesn’t have an ass or a dick. The wind doesn’t make him shiver. He’s just a Mind. But women, well. They only have bodies when men touch them. The course of Alin’s life is defined by Murtagh’s touch, and even Nasuada, a fucking queen, only gets physical description via the coins Murtagh has in his possession and his memory of the cuts and bruises he left on her body. And women also have no minds—unless they’re werecats or elves or half elves, the only kind of woman who are remotely threatening, the only kind of women who are “as good as” the baseline of human men. Nasuada is proven as Murtagh’s equal because she was able to overcome the torture of her body. If he hadn’t tortured her, or if she had broken down, she wouldn’t have proven herself worthy of being his romantic partner.

Eragon’s romantic interest also started out being tortured. Not by him, but “girl who is tortured but is too strong to give up her secrets” was her entire characterisation for a book and a half, until he rescued her. That’s uh. That’s how you find girlfriends who are good enough for your protagonists.

THESE FUCKING BOOKS.

Bachel has put Thorn in a special wrought iron muzzle. Yet again, this is just objectively cool

We learn about who the cult worships: evil dragon underground. He makes fumes come out of the earth and they brainwash people and give them visions. He will come out of the ground and eat the sun unless every living thing worships him.

Really Bachel is not leading a cult she is leading an environmental rescue mission. Quick we gotta get everyone to worship this evil dragon STAT, or he’s going to wipe out all life on earth.

Why does an evil dragon living under the earth with the power to eat the sun (?!??!) actually want or need to be worshipped by “every living thing”. What is his motivation?? And why would that stop him eating the sun?

“The sculptures would have horrified most any artist in Alagaesia, no matter their race.” Mark this down as one of the worst sentences he has written yet!!

I realise now I’ve been misremembering multiple main characters’ names

I like Bachel telling Thorn to stay, like he’s a dog. That’s good to me

Murtagh is learning about the power of friendship to heal himself last minute, I guess

Why is Murtagh pausing to duel fucking Lyreth, the most boring man in the world. Is it because of the waists he touched??? I have never felt this man was worth any time at all

NOT Paolini specifically pointing out that Lyreth “smelled of a cloying peach scented perfume” and that he’s physically weaker than Murtagh as Murtagh overcomes him. Lyreth was too feminine to be strong, in the end

This book is obsessed with the word “youngling.” Murtagh says to Thorn “don’t kill any younglings.” He’s fighting Lyreth but he’s not worried because he himself is “no longer a youngling”. Fucking fuck off! just say youth. Child. Kid. Teenager even!! Come on!!

Murtagh going “this is taking too long” in the duel: me at the whole book thus far

“Is wrong-think to worship Bachel or Azlagur,” says Ubek. This is real dialogue in a book published in real 2023. Oh yeah btw everything he says is written like this

Oh, the urgal’s size and brute strength makes him Murtagh’s equal. I see

Grieve is legitimately yelling “kill the non-believers!!” and calling them desecrators??? Cartoon hours

To start winning the fight, all Murtagh had to do was find his magic sword! It stores all his potency and he inherited it from his father. Freud?? Don’t worry about it

The cultists are bleeding green blood???? Does this mean they’re not human or is it the lighting or what.

Groups of dragons are always being described as a Thunder Of. They’re only ever being described in visions but it’s always being described as “a thunder of dragons”, because Paolini is very proud of inventing his very own collective noun for dragons I guess

Buncha little pasty freaks showing up.

Murtagh’s ultimate challenge: he has to fight one hundred gollums

Paolini inventing new guys for his dungeon at unprecedented rates

Murtagh is legitimately busy trying to think of new names for his sword NOW?? He is just going to stop in the middle of this urgent fight to go find where the bad woman (Bachel) took the good woman (Alìn) to go “my sword has a bad name. It could have a good name.” Did he not have time while he was mouldering in the dungeon to think about this

He’s checking his compendium, like in video games.

Books have never been worse. If Murtagh/Paolini calls this sword Scar I will legitimately never know peace

Oh the sword is called Freedom now. Get it? Like America? It’s the most important value??

“Seeing the armor, Murtagh realized that the leather garb the cultists had donned for the festival of black smoke had been made to resemble Bachel's fantastic suit.”

what a sentence

This is the worst

I hate how her spear has a name and a dramatic history. Like come on

Fucking mind battles again

Alin is just… I’m sorry to her, but she’s not a real person. She’s a cardboard cutout in distress

The final boss fight should not be taking place in the magical world of the mind

Now she’s calling him “infidel?” Okay

The ultimate battle: the structuring power of masculine language versus the primeval chaos of raw women’s emotion!!! Who will win!! Hint: Christopher Paolini wrote this!

“She seemed merely a woman again.”

‘Merely’ is how Paolini always describes women (when he thinks they’re worth describing of course)

Wait… is the only reason Bachel has been intimidating REALLY just because she’s been channelling a tough evil boy dragon? Once the mask is gone and he’s not empowering her… she’s merely…

I’m going to kick Christopher Paolini’s fucking ass

Murtagh feels so emotionally close to Bachel. As he splits her skull. Normal book

For real why were ALL the Riders so afraid of Bachel??? The gas fumes? Face masks not invented?? This seems pretty easy to solve like if they’d just. Sent more than one guy?

He passes out and the chapter ends of course. Then he wakes up in the city

Ah, Alin is blonde and blue eyed. She was a pale skinned virgin who needed rescuing from an evil and also foreign almond eyed amber skinned woman who was whipping her. You know how it goes

I hate how Alìn always calls Murtagh “my lord.” She’s like one of those medieval fighting game banners of a sexy woman. She’s a cartoon.

Isn’t it a shame that when Murtagh hastily gets out of bed to bow to Nasuada he is wearing pants. So much funnier if he wasn’t

I’m so over this book holy shit

Oh, for being the apparently only sole survivor of Murtagh’s obliteration of her cult and everything she’s ever known, Alìn is being promoted to… Nasuada’s maid. That’s not what she asked for. That’s just what she’s being told she’s going to do from now on. Fucking hell.

Nasuada is Jealous of this blonde woman and I was afraid for her because Nasuada is also famously the only black woman on the continent. But of course she has nothing to fear because only the most powerful woman in the land could ever be remotely Murtagh’s equal, which she proved by being stronger at being tortured than him

She asks him to stay and she touches his hand just lightly

The END??

They don’t even kiss?!!!?!! I had to read it twice to be sure. SEXLESS BOOK.

[menelaiad]

Why did Agamemnon and Menelaus part on bad terms from Troy?

athena made them fight! she and zeus are angry at the greeks for how they handled the whole troy thing and i think athena has particular beef about the palladium? and the cassandra/ajax incident, so they just want to make the homecoming for all the greeks unpleasant.

so she makes menelaus and agamemnon fight (which divides the greek army). they fight because menelaus just wants to leave and go home but agamemnon says that they should wait and try and appease athena, with sacrifice and offerings because she's clearly pissed at them. but menelaus doesn't wait. and he goes with nestor, diomedes and odysseus (but odysseus goes back to agamemnon after a stop at lesbos). whilst agamemnon stays behind.

nestor tells it in book 3 of the odyssey:

“Gray-eyed Athena, daughter of the Thunder, became enraged and brought about disaster. She set the sons of Atreus to fight each other. Hastily, they called the people at sunset, not observing proper norms. The men arrived already drunk on wine; the brothers told them why they called the meeting.                Then Menelaus said that it was time to sail back home across the open sea. But Agamemnon disagreed entirely. He wanted them to stay and sacrifice to heal the sickness of Athena’s wrath— pointless! He did not know she would not yield. The minds of the immortals rarely change. So those two stood and argued angrily, and with a dreadful clash of arms the Greeks leapt up on two opposing sides. We slept                that eerie night with hearts intent on hatred against each other—since Zeus meant us harm. At dawn one group of us dragged down our ships into the sea piled high with loot and women, while half the army still remained there, stationed with Agamemnon, shepherd of the people.”

and a fragment from Nostoi of the epic cyle also gives details about it. proclus' chrestomathia ii talks about it!

so it wasn't like bad terms in that they grew to hate each other or anything. it was just a disagreement that, had agamemnon lived longer, they probably would have resolved or even forgotten about. but. like. agamemnon doesn't live long after coming back from troy. menelaus never sees him again. the last time they speak to each other is a fight. is them divided and one of them leaving the other behind. and considering throughout the homeric works menelaus and agamemnon are such a Unit. they're a team. they're seen together a lot in the iliad. it's just really sad.

and i think menelaus' reaction to agamemnon's death makes it even sadder because OF COURSE he will be sad over his brother dying, but you can't help but think does he feels guilt that they left on such bad terms? that he won't get the chance to rectify it. their last memory of each other is a huge fight. and that's so sad. because that's not who they were or what their dynamic was shown to be for 99% of the time.

[drakaripykiros130ac]

I see TG comments left and right constantly laughing about Rhaenyra’s death. Most of them even claim to know about it because Joffrey Baratheon spoiled it in GOT.

Which just proves my point: The great majority of TG stans have never read the book.

They see the show writers’ fake version of how the greens are soooo “misunderstood” and are under the impression that this is how GRRM wrote them. Wrong.

What exactly is so hilarious about Rhaenyra’s death?

Her death is pretty epic/heroic (as is every TB death). She dies a dragonrider’s death by fire. She faces the broken-ass dragon of the usurper without fear and with her final breath loudly curses her half-brother. A curse which worked. His line died out, and Rhaenyra’s survived. That was after all the whole purpose of this war - each side fighting for their blood to continue on the Iron Throne. Rhaenyra and Daemon both accomplished their goal. The greens - not so much.

The lot of TG stans heard about Rhaenyra’s death on GOT and think it’s funny, which proves they don’t know the details.

I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when they see how Aegon dies: choking on his own bile like Joffrey Baratheon. Poison (women’s weapon - ironic, huh?).

I would say that the usurper’s death is hilarious/pathetic (as are the deaths of all TG members).

No heir. No legacy. The only way he is remembered is as Aegon the Usurper, one of the worst “kings” in history, right next to Aenys and Maegor.

[yoddhasblog]

Mahabharat is and will always be my favourite tale to reflect upon and talk to people about. This book was immensely hyped up along with the author. I have now read three of her books. The Last Queen, which admittedly I adored. Then, the Forest Of Enchantments, the book I'd been looking forward to for such a long time. That one left me in a rage.

I went into this book expecting to be pissed off and disappointed. And I wasn't let down on that assumption.

The Palace Of Illusions is a retelling of the great Indian epic-Mahabharata. A tale incorporated so deeply into our hearts that everyone has their own takes and beliefs and opinions about it. I sincerely believe that you cannot write a retelling without angering a number of people. Well, I'm one them.

The writing style:

I didn't have too many issues except i did not get why there were so many rhetorical and philosophical questions? Literal, paragraphs that were nothing but questions.

Draupadi, the enigma, the fire-born, the one person I would fight for as long as there is life in me, why was acting as though she was a little more than a sullen child? In the book that was supposed to be from her point of view, the person, the author did the most injustice with was-Draupadi.

The plot assassination:

As I mentioned above, most of everything in the plot of the epic was butchered and mangled to fit into the author's narrative of women, good-men,bad. It is common knowledge that women's position in society was as downtrodden as depicted here. Don't get me wrong, horrific crimes happened against women and justice was also delivered adequately but the author pulled apart the entire social structure only to be able to say that every bad thing happened to Draupadi was because she is a woman.

~ In the very first chapter, Draupadi said it was egoistic of her father to give her a variation of his own name when her brother, Dhrishtadyumna got an original name. In Vyas Mahabharat, her birth name was Krishnaa but like many people in Hindu beliefs, she was also known as Draupadi, though that is the most commonly used name. So, no points to the author trying to convince everyone that this was sexist.

~ Draupadi was highly educated and trained in many things including economics and she was the one who was in charge of the treasury of Indraprastha. She was a finance minister of sorts. So, saying that King Droupad refused to let her train because she is a woman is stupid.

~Also, I've grown up listening to that Draupadi stepped out of the fire as a young woman. She wasn't a child. Some sources say she was around 16 some say around 25.

~ Are we still stuck about 50 years ago that we're going to be okay with authors portraying that all women in power are evil? Kunti and Draupadi viewed each other as rivals? Draupadi throwing temper tantrums over other women? wtf

~ Draupadi as a pick-me? Half the book Draupadi's internal dialogue is nothing but I don't know how to socialize with other women, they're jealous of each other, they're always giggling, I won't survive the world of women, I can't dance, people don't find me pretty because of my dark complexion(where did white supremacy even came in this conversation) but suddenly out of nowhere Draupadi just knows that every woman is envious of her. She adores the saris and jewellery that she used to find impossible to handle.

~ Maharishi Vyas giving Draupadi Divya drishti to see the battlefield of Kurukshetra came out of nowhere. It felt a forced action done only to show Draupadi's emotions about the deaths.

~ Draupadi harbouring hidden feelings for Karna and him secretly returning those feelings felt like a teenager's fever dream. A teenager who's hellbent on sexualizing everything they come across.

~Bhagvat Gita was witnessed by everyone on kurukshetra including the Virat roop? Again, it felt like a move forced that was done in order to show Draupadi's internal dialogue. How did the author even think she could fit Bhagvat Gita in half a chapter?

~The Pandavas just had no personality whatsoever outside of being obedient to their mother and scared of Draupadi's temper tantrums.

~Krishan ji was told to be this charismatic, carefree, silvertongued diplomat but he was simply shown as someone who randomly showed up and gave unsolicited advice.

~And I don't know what that ending was but you can't be serious telling me that Karna and Draupadi somehow end up together in heaven?

~WHAT WAS THE AUTHOR'S PROBLEM WITH RESEARCHING ABOUT MAHABHARATA???

There was no way the entire plot of Mahabharata could've fit into one book. She tried too but this book sucked. I understand it's a retelling and sometimes had to change but everything here felt so forced. The author broke everything in context to fit into her supposedly feminist ideal. Don't get me wrong, i dislike the Pandavas, the Kauravas and their elders with all my heart but they all had one dimensional personalities. They had caricature-ish depositions. I had no emotions attached to anyone in this book whatsoever. This was a headache.

[korkiekenobiconfirmed]

funny enough, I think this scene was the closest the show ever got to realizing the actual point of the Dance.

the throne, was it worth it? it's too late, blood has spilled and the dragons danced and your brother is burnt half to death. peace is long since past but you must see this horrible, bloody thing to its unsatisfying end while you can do nothing more than fight and rue and pray. it was all for a crown, but was it worth it? when the price you pay is everything and everyone and nobody even wins, was it worth it?

miss me with that "only people who don't want a crown deserve one" and "the horrors I have loosed can't just be for a crown blah blah" boooorrrriiiinnngggg. the Dance was about two factions who were SO intent on their own power and SO adamant in their superiority that they ultimately became their demise. almost every character met a horrible fate, even the ones who survived the war! it's a tragedy of epic proportions and everybody's miserable and it can't even be blamed on any one person or death or catalyst. it was so deliciously, horribly unavoidable because targaryens, like their valyrian ancestors before them, cannot stop bringing about their own doom!

[ghostofmyth]

Ermmmmm, chat I think I just unlocked some hidden meanings in Epic: the musical's song 'No Longer You"? And It reveals what already happened in the Thunder saga and what's going to happen in future saga's like 'Vengeance' and 'Ithaca'-

idk if it was intentional or not, but Mr.Jalapeño had REALLY outdone himself on this one 👍

Ok so there's a lot so let me break it down:

I was trying to figure out the chorus at the end of 'No Longer You' when I realized some things that are happening in the song.

The prophet is literally telling us what is going to happen (Thunder + Vengeance + Ithaca saga's), the chorus in the background at the end is giving us hints of when these events will happen in future songs, and the prophet is directly telling Odysseus that he will make it home and what is going to happen when he gets home.

1) Now most of the prophet's lines are directly referencing to the Thunder saga, that much is very obvious. Let me go through each one to show you.

"I see a song of past romance"

This line is referencing to the siren songs 'Suffering' and (maybe?) 'Different Beast', because the siren pretending to be Penelope is trying to lure Odysseus (and his men) into the water by singing, but since Odysseus and the crew had wax in their ears they were able to resiste the song and thus Odysseus commands her and the rest of the sirens to be killed right after he gets his needed information.

"I see the sacrifice of man"

This line is referencing to the third song 'Scylla', where Odysseus tells Eurylochus to light up six torches after he tells Odysseus that he was the one who had opened the bag, the fact that the 'man' is singular and not plural speaks volumes, that means that Eurylochus was going to be the sacrifice to Scylla but instead he passed around the torches, sacrificing six other men to Scylla unintentionally. Odysseus was, either way, ready to sacrifice his crew.

"I see portrayals of betrayal and a brothers final stand"

This line is referencing to the first half of 'Mutiny' and here's why. Eurylochus feels so betrayed by Odysseus because he gave up six of their men to Scylla that he decides to fight him to the death, Odysseus loses and almost dies while fighting Eurylochus (the two called each other brothers in multiple past songs, including this one), that is when the crew fully sides with Eurylochus, betraying their original captain for another, if not worse, captain. Also to mention it was Eurylochus that betrayed Odysseus first because he was the one that opened the bag that set them off course from Ithaca and right towards Poseidon.

"I see you on the brink of death"

This line is referencing to the second half of 'Mutiny', Odysseus almost dies but since he was healed by Eurylochus he lives. That's when things start to go down hill.

"I see you draw your final breath"

Now this line would be referencing to the very end of 'Thunder Bringer', where (as seen in a trailer to the Thunder saga) Odysseus is drowning after Zeus strikes a lightening bolt at the ship, thus killing everyone except for him.

"I see a man who gets to make it home alive, but it's no longer you."

Now the very last line has nothing to do with the Thunder saga. It has more connection with the 'Vengeance' and 'Ithaca' sagas (not the Wisdom saga though, that one is Athena trying to convince the other god's to free his dumb self from Calypso's island). All that we know from this line is that he is alive, he is going home, and that he is the monster rawr rawr rawr. (Also doesn't Scylla say that she and him were alike? Monster era fr 🦖)

2) Now to the chorus part, I can't really hear very well so I can't tell what have of it is saying after lighting bolt, but I do have a good theory on what it could be telling us.

At the very end, while the prophet is retelling his prophecy thing, we hear the chorus, which is telling us what events are going to happen in songs.

"I see you on the brink of death" is connected to the 'Siren song' and 'Scylla throat' part. In the first three songs of the Thunder saga, Odysseus is facing murderous monsters like sirens and Scylla who are actively trying to kill him and his crew. The monsters could be shown as the brink of death because of how dangerous both are.

"I see you draw your final breath" has the 'Mutiny' and 'Lightning Bolt' part of the chorus, the last two songs in the Thunder saga happen to have Odysseus draw his final breath twice, first in "Mutiny" while fighting with Eurylochus and second while he is drowning and passes out at the end of "Thunder Bringer" (as seen in the trailer).

It seems the lyrics are what is going to happen to Odysseus and the chorus is what songs its going to happen in. That's why we hear more than one word during the last lines "I see a man who gets to make it home alive, but it's no longer you". It's multiple song names that are going show the aftermath of Thunder saga through the not yet released saga's.

3) Now the very last one is a doozy so bare with me here-

In the beginning/middle of "No Longer You', after the prophet tell's Odysseus his future, Odysseus says,

"This can't be, we suffered and sailed through the toughest of hell's now you tell us our efforts for nothing?!"

You can tell in these lines that Odysseus is at the point of giving up, he thinks he might never make it home after hearing the prophets words. But the prophet continues.

"I see your palace covered in red, faces of men who have long believed your dead"

This line could be a reference to either the Vengeance saga or Ithaca saga, but what is happening is that the all the suitors are killed, hence the covered in red part.

"I see your wife with a man who is hunting, a man with a trail of bodies."

Again, could be referencing to either the Vengeance or Ithaca saga. But the prophet is saying that Penelope is with the man who hunted down and killed all the suitors, leaving a trail of bodies in his wake, and that they are reunited/are together.

Oh course, Odysseus doesn't understand what he is talking about so he asks "WHO", who is with Penelope? But the prophet DOES tell him who the mysterious man with blood on his hands is, who the man that Penelope is with. Multiple times in fact.

When the prophet repeats himself he is emphasizing his words. "I see you" is sung more stronger than the last time and at the end "I see a man who gets to make it home alive, but it's no longer you" the last word is sung more slower. The prophet is telling Odysseus that it's him "You".

Basically to sum it up, when Odysseus says "our efforts for nothing", he thinks that "om-gods this was worthless I'm never going to make it home". The prophet is like "Uh what, you do make it home it says right here?" Then Odysseus is like, "WHO IS THAT MAN WITH MY WIFE? I'LL KILL HIM!" Then the prophet is like, "DUDE CHILL OUT ITS YOU???"

The prophet is telling him that he will in fact get home, and tells him what's going to happen when he gets home.

Ta-da, that's what I figured out! Either that or I'm just going insane! (My thought process on this whole thing has been going on since 1am, it is currently 5:30am)

Now that I have shared my thoughts with the world, I shall now go finally sleep, night!

[rose-tea-and-strawberries]

Yuu with the Disney Princes

I always talk about how Yuu is considered an honorary Disney Princess and how they invite her to their princess get-togethers since she’s one of them but I just love the dynamic Yuu has with the princes (mainly because right now I have a Disney prince brainrot, where I’m constantly remembering how much I love them) where all of them are her very loving, protective, chaotic older brother figures.

Their entire relationship is just:

Yuu: *gets a paper cut*

Princes: HASN’T SHE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH?!?!

Also that Modern Family scene where Lily gets locked in the car and Mitch is calmly trying to figure out how to help her whilst Cam is ready to break her out by slamming a metal bin onto the window whilst screaming. Yeah, 50% are the calm, gentle mentor-like older brothers who will always be there to guide Yuu and the rest are the chaotic brothers who see a possible threat near Yuu and it’s act first think second.

Eugene, Aladdin and Naveen are planning a heist with Naveen as the getaway driver and Aladdin and Naveen breaking into a heavily guarded place just for the fun of it. Like, they would literally just break into a museum just to steal the guard’s pen or something. They’re chaotic like that. They remind Yuu of Ace and Deuce and so she’s helping them. Not with the actual thievery but with the strategies like how Ned is Peter Parker’s ‘guy in the chair’

Yuu: But won’t you get in trouble?

Aladdin: Trouble? Ha! You’re only in trouble if you get caught.

Eugene: Exactly! *fingerguns*

Naveen: *Already in the driver’s seat* Guys, can we go soon? I want to get milkshakes on the way back.

They have literally broken into a zoo and park just to cheer her up

Phillip (the first man I ever fancied), Eric, Charming/Henry and Hercules teach her sword fighting. Like, yeah, they know that Mulan and Merida are overseeing her self-defense training but there’s no harm in some extra teachers. Princes Phillip and Charming have been sparing partners and best friends for years so they work wonderfully together. Of course, one simple sword fighting lesson ends up as a fight to the death with the princes and Yuu rallying around and cheering for a victor.

Speaking of fighting, sometimes Aladdin and Hercules reignite their rivalry from Hercules and the Arabian Nights (even though they are literally best friends) and start smack talking each other (half of the time it’s because of the Kalimyuu vs Idiayuu ship war). The other princes are watching with rapt interest and Yuu doesn’t know if she should break them up or join them.

Yuu loves hearing about all of their adventures - especially when they get all grand and epic with their narrations.

The Aladdin series was my favourite Disney animated movie tv show so I’d imagine that after his adventures, he’d bring back a trophy to show Yuu. Yuu very much dislikes Mozenrath and Abysmal. She and Abu are cool. Abu is protective of her the same way Aladdin is and he’s more than happy to prank anyone that wrongs her. She covers for him when she knows he’s off causing trouble and always has a snack on hand to give him.

RACES! Horseback/reindeerback/carpet/chariot/pegasus/foot races happen all the time and Yuu referees.

Hercules insists that Yuu rides on Pegasus 

This always leads to an argument with Aladdin on whether or not magic carpets or flying horses/chariots are better. And no, this has nothing to do with the fact that Kalim owns a magic carpet and the Shroud brothers have a chariot

Hercules and Shang try to get Yuu more interested in training/working out. Whether or not she’ll join them is up to you.

There’s always going to be chaos when the princes meet up and the only ones keeping to themselves in the corner is Beast/Adam with a book and Simba who’s just sitting there and judging everyone.

As a bookworm myself, I would totally start a book club with Disney characters like Belle and Rapunzel (and maybe Ratigan) and Adam is definitely a member of said book club. 

Simba and Yuu are cute. He can tell that she’s a genuinely nice person and his protective instincts flare when she’s around. He’s definitely a teasing, cheeky sort of older brother who likes to harmlessly poke fun but he’s one of the first to act if Yuu’s in any danger. He definitely melts whenever Yuu and Kiara play together. (He also loves watching Yuu interact with Cheka. It warms him)

By the way, Zazu and Cogsworth are in the background just sitting next to each other in silent solidarity. They get each other.

I’ve read headcanons that they all like to play DnD together and I love that and would expand more but I have no idea how DnD works so I’m just going to put it here.

This bullet point is going to be a bit of a rant/vent so feel free to skip it. I see a lot of Prince Florian hate/slander and whilst I understand it (he has no personality, he’s only in the movie for like five minutes and he kisses a sleeping girl) I can never get on that band wagon. I can go on about how I feel about him and how I think the hatred towards him is unfair but this is a wholesome post about Yuu bonding with Disney characters so I’ll keep it as short and sweet as possible.

I don’t think Florian is supposed to be a character. I feel like he’s less of a person and more of a symbol of Snow White’s freedom and happily ever after. Like Cinderella’s Prince Charming, he literally only exists to give Snow White a happy ending after living as a maid under her stepmother who literally tried to kill her. Snow wishes for her true love to find her and say nice things to her and he just appears and serenades her. She wants a happily ever after with a with quote ‘the one I (she) love(s)’ unquote and she gets it. See, this isn’t a logical movie, it’s an emotional one. You aren’t supposed to think, you’re supposed to feel. There’s no deep message and no one goes through a character arc (except for maybe Grumpy). Every single scene is just supposed bring about an emotion: fear when you enter the forest, anticipation when the dwarves find out about the queen, sadness at Snow White’s funeral, happiness when she wakes up, etc. You aren’t supposed to question anything, you just take the fairytale at face value. And at face value, Snow White’s romance with Florian is very poetic with the flowers and the doves and it just screams young, innocent love

Yeah, they could’ve fleshed him out or given him a backstory but Snow White wasn’t just Disney’s first animated movie but also the world’s first feature length coloured animated film. Walt Disney knew that it was a huge risk to make it and the film industry weren’t just skeptical, they thought that he was going to fail. The company had to make do with what they had and they were on the brink of bankruptcy - Walt himself had some serious financial trouble during the film’s production. There were scenes that they wanted to add (like a scene where Snow White teaches the dwarves how to drink soup or the dwarves wanting to make her a more comfortable bed) but had to cut down. He was also really hard to animate so other scenes they wanted to make with him (like where the queen traps him in his dungeon and Snow’s animal friends rescue him so that he can save her) weren’t actually possible. That’s why Phillip is much more of an action hero compared to Florian - the animators had gotten better at animating heroic male characters.

Also, it’s kind of implied that like Cinderella, since she was treated like a servant and dressed in rags, she never would have been able to see the outside world. Queen Grimhilde orders a huntsman to kill her and rip out her heart after watching one guy fall in love with her (and yeah, the mirror also said that she was fairer but her anger visibly flares at watching Florian and Snow’s exchange she already felt threatened by Snow which is why she wears ugly clothes and does the cleaning), there’s no way she would’ve allowed her outside the castle where more people could see her beauty.

Yeah, no one should kiss an unconscious person without their consent but it’s literally not Florian’s fault that the actual source material of Snow White has true love’s kiss as the way to wake Snow up. To take away ‘true love’s kiss’ is like taking away the huntsman or the apple - the story just won’t be the same. And sure, Disney has a habit of changing stories *coughs*TheLittleMermaid*coughs*BeautyandtheBeast*coughs*TheFrogPrince* to make them more family friendly/entertaining (because what little girl in the 1950s would want to see Lady Tremaine mutilate her daughters by chopping their toes/heels off?) but Walt loved Snow White and since this was his first feature length film so why change a simple, well-known, harmless classic? I mean Disney was already changing the original story by getting rid of the Queen’s other two murder attempts before the apple (I don’t really know why but I think it was to make her seem less stupid). And now I’ve realised I’ve written too much so I’m going to stop now.

(Also where did this whole age gap thing come from? I don’t know where the rumours about Florian being in his thirties come from but the official book ‘The Art of Walt Disney’ states that the animators intended for him to be 18. And I don’t know for sure if Snow is actually officially 14 but interviews have said that she’s a teenager so 13/14 would be the youngest possible age she could possibly be)

tldr: I’m tired of seeing Prince Florian hate/slander. Snow White is my favourite Disney Princess so I’m giving her a happily ever after with a very loving husband because she deserves it. Disney may not have given him a personality but I will

So Prince Florian is a hopeless romantic, much like his wife. Think love letters and poetry and horseback rides and bouquets of flowers. He likes singing so I peg him as a musician that enjoys writing love songs for Snow. He carries around a little dagger so I’m going to assume he’s into crafts like whittling.

Eric teaches Yuu everything he knows about sailing. 

Max, Abu, Sven, Samson, Pegasus and all of the other animal companions like to hang around with Yuu. Yuu loves to shower them in affection that they are more than happy to soak in.

No one tell Prince Phillip but Yuu sneaks Samson extra carrots even after Phillip forbade them

Kuzco doesn’t usually go to the Prince meet ups since he prefers to hang out with the princesses but he does appear if he hears Yuu is coming.

All he does is sit there and look pretty but he’s an icon and we are here for that.

Prank wars. Prank wars all the time. Yuu is never a target since she’s always neutral and no amount of bribes will cause her to pick a side. She will cover for anyone who asks (she’s not very good at covering though)

They do treat her like a young child at times though but she knows they all mean well.

Every hour, they take a break from what they’re doing to spend at least two hours sitting in a circle, bragging about how awesome their wives are and how much they love them. Not that they don’t spend every single second of the day praising their wives. It’s just that they are addicted to ‘I love my wife juice’ so they make sure to take a juice break. To stay healthy.

That’s all I got for now

[wonderlandsakura]

Saw this thought of this ↓

Hannigram "No Longer You" (from EPIC) AMV

Specifically set in Will's whole fisherman/betrayal arc btw (or like half, it's actually like the whole thing)

"I am the the prophet": The prophet is the stag or sth

"With the answers you seek": It reaches out it's arm to Will, it has the answers to his questions about who the Chesapeake Ripper is, how his brain works

"Time, I've unlocked it": Will's closed eyes, the pendulum swings

"I see past and future running free": Will's time going backwards thingy + hallucinogenic dreams or sth

"There is a world where I help you get home": Will standing in a yard it's uncertain whether it's Molly's or some dream one, there's dogs and a child smiling at him, face cut by sunlight (his son? Abigail? Who's to say)

"But that's not a world I know": Will wakes up covered in blood, Hannibal is there, smiling at him

"What?": Will angrily says this

"I see a song of past romance": Hannigram circling each other warily/before Abigail's death romance scenes

"I see the sacrifice of men": The deaths they saw when they worked together before Abigail's death

"I see portrayals of betrayal": Hannibal betraying Will

"And a brother's final stand": Will seeing Beverly's body

"I see you on the brink of death": the gut cut

"I see you draw your final breath": does he get choked out around the gut cut fight? Put that here then

"I see a man who gets to make it home alive": Will going home after false imprisonment? Or after a whatever with Hannibal while he's honey trapping him?

"But it's no longer you": One of those zoom ins after Hannibal killed Abigail, the exact moment when Will's like, I gotta get Revenge™

"This can't be": says Will, shaking his head

"We've suffered and sailed through the toughest of hells": Those gorgeous sad wet puppy dog eyes lol

"Now you tell us our effort's for nothing?": Angy Will

"I see your palace covered in red": the stag, his house covered in graffiti/the bloody mansion after the meeting with the cannibals/AFTER THE DEATH OF THE RED DRAGON

"Faces of men who had long believed you're dead": Jack, The dudes at the FBI, all the peeps that thought him crazy cause of Hannibal's accusations, Fredrick Chilton, Randall Teir, The guy who had the hots for him what's his name idk

"I see your wife with a man who is haunting": Hannibal smiling at Will, the two standing close together

"A man with a trail of bodies": zooms into will, his eyes downcast

"(who?)": bloodstained Will from the beginning asks

"I see portrayals of betrayal": Will betraying people for Hannibal

"I see a song of past romance": Romantic scenes during Will's whole honey trap

"I see the sacrifice of man": Will murdering people with Hannibal

"And a brother's final stand": Them standing against the Red Dragon, in a lull in the fighting/about to kill him

"I see you on the brink of death": them hugging on the cliff

"I see you draw your final breath": still the cliff, maybe the "it's beautiful" dialogue

"I see a man who gets to make it home alive": Will and Hannibal walking into/sitting in the church/ mishmash future they could have had

"But it's no longer you": them sitting side by side at the church? Idk a zoom in on cleaned up murderous trophy husband Will

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Tsunade

There’s a lot of things to love about Tsunade. She’s one of the strongest female character’s in the entire series as well as being a very damaged character who’s fighting just to get through every day.

She comes back to Konoha and takes the job of Hokage because of a kid she has only just met and procedes to lead the village for five years through some of the worst fights it has had to deal with. It’s under her leadership that Konoha works with the other villages, and unlike her Sensei she is actually unafraid to put the elder’s in their place.

Epic moment’s for Tsunade are numerous, but i’ll try not to get too carried away.

(Movie only) Poking Kakashi in the face and reminding him that accusing Naruto of attacking A, and thus throwing him into prison, was HIS idea and he has no right to judge her for being harsh (he looks like a scolded child. I love it. The auntie vibes are STRONG in this movie)

Speaking of Kakashi, remmember when she found out that he died and she proceeded to destroy one of the pillers on the roof of the Hokage’s mansion? Because i do and i LOVE it. Tsunade has seen enough death in her life but that doesn’t stop her from taking a second to morn Kakashi’s death and literally destroy something in anger (also while looking for pics i saw a conversation about how her destroying that piller wS representative of Kakashi’s death being the destruction of a piller of Konoha and oh boy i had FEELINGS).

Also, just the whole Pein attack in general was some bad ass Tsunade. I think Hashirama is the only other Hokage who could have protected Konoha and saved as many lives as Tsunade did. Her skills really shone through her as well as her connection with Lady Katsuyu.

(Anime Only) showing Ino and Sakura what she looked like when she was younger. Tsunade looked so proud of herself while she was showing off her younger look. It’s clear that she just loves looking young and that her keeping herself looking younger has never been about sexual appeal but just enjoying being young. If she could turn back time and be 12 again i think she would, and not just to save Dan and her brother.

Caving in Madara’s Sussano. This woman stood there and listened to Madara bad mouth her for the crime of not being as talented as her grandfather and instead of crying over it she proceded to destroy every judgement Madara made against her. She got stabbed through the abdomen and cut Madara’s sussano sword and shoved it out if her body. She got cut in half and still healed the other Kage’s using Katsuyu. SHE PUNCHED MADARA’s SUSSANO, A NEAR PERFECT DEFECE, AND SHATTERED THE RIB CAGE. Sure she was never going to win that fight, but damn did she do some major damage.

The fact that she taught Sakura to gamble? Delightful. Love master and student bonding over non training activities.

Calling Kakashi stupid for how he faced Itachi? Fair. Man didn’t know what he was getting into because he didn’t have all the necessary info, but she’s still valid for calling him out on acting before thinking. He was so protective of Asuma, Kurenai and specifically Sasuke (and then Naruto when he realized Itachi was actually there for him) he just threw himself into a fight. Tsunade had every right to call him dumb.

Telling Naruto his only disease was being dumb XD one of my fav moment’s ever. Boy was not ready.

(Book only) yelling at Gai for ditching his position to catch a ride on the fancy new air balloon/plane. Also, her asking Gai to tell them what Kaiyo looked like always felt hilarious because this man forgets all the faces and i can only imagine that it was a stressful af conversation to have.

(Book only) ‘Kakashi take my job’ ‘no’ Kakashi take my job’ ‘no’ ‘kakashi take my-‘ ‘fine’ ‘ABOUT DAMN TIME’

[taraljc]

It's weird sometimes to look back at around this time in 2011, and writing crackfic with Loki and Darcy bonding over being adopted and him just like showing up in her apartment unannounced and the two of them watching How To Train Your Dragon. because, you know--crack.

There's an epic fuckton of me rambling about STUFF behind the Read More, about Thor, about Loki, and about the process of writing Simple, Not Easy and the delight of seeing where the characters have ended up in canon in the 10+ years since.

When I started writing Simple, Not Easy, all I had to build on was the Thor movie and the Avengers trailer and the comics. okay and the encouragement of folks on livejournal particularly from the Darcy community and the kinkmeme folks actually.

So yeah, my Loki killed people and was scary as fuck. But he also did things like bring the statues of Alice in Wonderland in Central Park to life to fight the Avengers just for the lolz.

But what's been interesting is seeing the Darcy and Loki that I saw in my head and whose speech patterns I had mimiced and wrote insane and silly and heartbreaking and stubbornly genuine appear in these little flashes in WandaVision and Loki.

There are just these little moments where I'm like you know what, I did a half-decent job, building off of not a heck of a lot, but still somehow being true to their voices.

that doesn't happen all the time. in fact it's pretty fucking rare to see the characters 10+ years later and still recognise them.

But that's part of why Thor is my favourite MCU movie. Because all of the characters are really strongly drawn with unique voices, and excellent storytelling where you knew who these people were from the first second they showed up on screen.

Like, specifically look at Jane Foster who is like 'look at him he'll be fine. you go take him to the hospital, I'll stay here and SCIENCE'. I mean we're not even getting into the part where you do not go out into the middle of the desert in New Mexico and drop somebody off in the middle of the night and then come back for them later because coyotes and coyotes and also other things but mostly coyotes.

But the biggest thing I love about the movie is that it's about ego death. It is only when Thor loses everything that he begins to genuinely change. And it's not because of Jane, or even midgard itself. It's because when Loki tells him that their father is dead and Frigga will not end his banishment, Thor accepts responsibility for his actions and it sets in that he has lost everything and that he deserved it for breaking the hardwon peace with Laufey because he has grown up on epic tales of his father's prowess as a warrior and completely missed what Odin was actually trying to teach him about the horrors of war.

The humility that he displays, the empathy, is completely new. Because the guy who was banished to Earth was banished for a very good reason--he was a complete douche canoe. Total spoiled dick and he wasn't ready to be king. He really wasn't, and the way Loki went about trying to prove that was the worst possible way he could have and everything rapidly spiraled out of his control until it became something too big and it began controlling him instead of him controlling it.

But at the same time you have Loki also going through a form of ego death because he finds out that not only is he not who he thought he was he's not what he thought he was. He's not even a person, according to the way that the æsir view jötnar. and you know that internalised self-hatred is on its own pretty dangerous but when you weaponise it and decide to commit genocide then yes it's absolutely right for your father to be like WHAT THE FUCK because he saw everything. I don't think Loki really processed the fact that his dad saw absolutely everything he had done up to an including Thor's death at the hands of the Destroyer and it was only by accepting that he had treated his brother pretty much like shit and bore some responsibility for what was going on and then sacrificing himself for others that made Thor worthy.

And that's what the series is giving Loki the chance to discover: what it's like to act selflessly. He genuinely puts Sylvie's well-being above his own. He acknowledged the importance of the lives of all of the people in the TVA and his responsibility to them because of the results of his actions.

He's owning his shit. He's doing the work.

And as someone who spent a huge chunk of autumn 2011 writing Loki coming to a place where he was able to actually own his shit, and accept responsibility for his actions and even entertain the idea of change, it's really cool seeing that even though I took a vastly different road to get there, I was on the right track.

(and okay yeah like at least 50% of the story is also about Darcy and Clint figuring their shit out and then start banging like a screen door in a hurricane which obviously is not the way the movies went. But again I was working off of the 2 minutes of Clint Barton that's in Thor. To be fair, there's more character development for Clint Barton in those two minutes in Thor than there was in the entirety of the Avengers. and the only thing that actually redeemed bringing in the storyline from Ultimates to bring in his family just to fridge them was the way the Hawkeye series made them into real people instead of your average superhero tragic backstory.)

anyway I know that the current generation of Loki fans almost certainly have never heard of Simple, Not Easy and they sure as hell haven't read it and why would they? It's not cool or sexy or even particularly violent. It's ridiculous and cracky and has Loki shape shifting into a baby sloth and falling asleep while hugging a bottle of Goldschläger like a teddy bear.

But I had a moment, after the drunken singing on the train, where I thought yep. That's my Loki.

This moments are precious and rare and really freaking cool when they do come along.

[deludedfantasy]

Trimax Vol 8 Ch 1-3

I'm losing my mind over this volume, I swear to god. It makes me feel like I'm chewing on glass. Anyway, here are some unhinged thoughts about the first half of volume 8.

Ch 1

The fact that the broken posts of the bridge look like crosses reads as very ominous to me…

Ok, this page. This page has lived rent free in my head for two months since the first time I read this. At first, I didn’t notice that Vash was balancing on the stump of his arm, it just kinda looked like he was doing one of his insane workouts but then. Oh but then. I looked closer and I Realized and the cold dread set in. 

You know what else gets me? Knives stripped him of his clothes. He left Vash in only his pants. But worst of all, he took away his arm. You could argue it was because it has a gun in it, but all he’d really have to do is take the bullets out and it wouldn’t be useful anymore. Taking away his arm is just adding insult to injury and in particular shows his just blatant disregard for Vash’s bodily autonomy. Just because it’s not flesh and bone, doesn’t mean it’s not a part of his body! It’s his arm, goddammit! And Knives said, I’ll take this away from you, this isn’t part of you and I just don’t think you need it. It’s pointlessly cruel and punitive. I think he’s doing it just because he can, to show how powerful he is, and how Vash is his.

Knives really said, “I was going to use Legato’s powers for my evil plans, but actually, it’s better for just torturing you.”

Vash is right! Knives is going on and on about how humans abuse and misuse Plants, but Knives was the one who crashed humanity on a desert planet. These people are trying to survive with the only resources they have. Vash knows it’s horrible and unfair, but what choice do they have? They’ve been forced into a trolley problem of epic proportions and somebody has to die, either a lot of humans or a single Plant. What kind of choice is that?

Oh, Wolfwood. What are you thinking about? His mission is over, he’s led Vash to his doom, and now, he’s just smoking another cigarette. Is that a face of regret? Or despair, that he couldn’t do anything to stop what was coming?

So Knives’s ship is something of an anomaly. It seems like humanity doesn’t have the capability to make anything that flies anymore, so it’s a shock when it appears over the city. No wonder that one kid is asking their mom where their camera is. 

Wolfwood isn’t shooting to kill! How interesting, I say with tears in my eyes. He’s always listened to Vash and now, he’s started to take it in. That he doesn’t have to be a killer, even if that’s what his mentor made him to be and is still trying to make him be.

Another instance of Wolfwood’s magically appearing handgun. 

But man, Chapel is fucking evil. He sends Double Fang to slaughter those soldiers to teach Wolfwood a lesson, to make him hurt, for not doing it himself. Because Double Fang doesn’t give them a quick death like Wolfwood would. His is hard and bloody and revels in the carnage and you just know it makes Wolfwood sick. 

Vash asks Knives, “Do you really believe people cannot change?” He’s not just asking him about humanity, Vash is asking Knives if he doesn’t believe he can choose a different path too. That even though he’s started all this and is intent on destroying humanity, he can’t find another way. Vash still sees something of his sweet brother in Knives and he’s begging him to stop.

OMG TESLA. The mention of her makes Vash so angry, he actually manages to fight against Legato’s control of him! This was what I was talking about in my meta, the hypocrisy of Knives using Tesla for his crusade, and Vash directly calls him out for it!!! He’s using her to fuel his rage and hatred rather than looking at the fear inside himself. 

Oh, I love this conversation so much. Vash is right, they do have a duty to Tesla, but not in the crusade Knives created. “Only the victims of violence can truly describe its essence.” Because they know what can be done to them and have seen the results of it, they’re the only ones who can stop it. They’re the only ones who can change the story because they know the ending and the pain it causes. They’re the ones that can stop the cycle. Instead, Knives is just continuing it. 

Also!! Vash calls out Knives for bottling up his feelings and letting them morph into something big and ugly and toxic, enough to motivate him to do these terrible things, to turn Tesla’s death into a crusade of hate. When he asks, “Is that who you really are?” it hits really hard, because we know what Knives used to be like, that sweet curious child. By never letting any of that fear out, it turned that cute little kid into a hateful, murderous man, and despite all the terrible things Knives has done to him, Vash still sees that little boy. He wants Knives to see it too. But he won’t, because he’s gone too far to stop now.

Ch 2

Ugh, Chapel is really twisting the knife here. Wolfwood already feels like he doesn’t recognize himself, that he can’t go back to the very place he gave everything up to protect. To then hear it from the man that twisted him into this shape only makes it sting more. 

Look, I already hated Chapel from my first read of the manga, but now I hate him even more. He’s so cold and cruel. He’s telling Wolfwood all these things to hurt him, and he does it with such glee. He looks down on Wolfwood’s love and care for the orphanage. It’s straight up fucking evil to tell Wolfwood that the place he gets most of his assassins from is the orphanage, that Wolfwood didn’t manage to protect those children. 

These moments, as the soldiers are trying to figure out what happened across the bridge and we see the carnage Knives left behind, were particularly chilling on my first read. I was kind of in denial about where this was all going and really didn’t think we were going into what’s essentially an Apocalypse scenario. The way it’s revealed is so fucking brutal and it still makes me so tense.

And then it just keeps getting worse and worse. Knives accused humans of only being able to cause death and destruction, endless suffering, but look at what he’s doing. The empty cities, the riots, the kid crying over his dead parents—he isn’t doing anything that humans haven’t done before. Another instance of his hypocrisy. 

NOT VASH IN THE OUBLIETTE. 

And Wolfwood…poor Wolfwood. He’s just sitting there and looking so angry that he can’t do anything. I personally think that he’s also feeling guilty so his part in it and that’s only making the anger at himself and the world worse.

In one chapter, the world is completely decimated…but at the end a ray of light. The girls are back! They’re still alive and they’re working with Luida! I love how every time we leave them, we’re reintroduced to them in a similar way. But this one is so very silent, with two lone, cloaked figures riding across a barren landscape. When they enter the building, rather than the usual jokes and talking, they’re greeted warmly as equals and we get the feeling that someone is still fighting for humanity when Vash can’t.

Ch 3

Really hoping that a chapter called “Counter Attack!!” will give me a little hope after all that despair. 

This chapter, and the reveal that Meryl and Milly have spent seven months traveling around the planet trying to bring aid to people, leaves me with a great hunger to see some of their growth and adventures during this time. It would be such an interesting spin-off series.

Especially because Meryl looks so different. She’s always been serious, but somehow she seems even more serious and determined. There’s a darkness behind her eyes that didn’t used to be there before. How did she deal with all her trauma surrounding Vash and the subsequent breakdown of society, not even knowing if he was alive, if she’d ever see him again and be able to work through what happened between them?

I’m sure many people have pointed out this panel, but man, Meryl’s face here. The circles under her eyes, the grimness. She knows everything, she’s seen so many horrible things, but there’s still a spark of determination. 

Luida and everyone from Home knows exactly what kind of enemy they’re up against. They understand how powerful Knives is and that they stand little chance against him. But they’re going to fight anyway. For Vash and everything he stands for and everything he did for them. 

I love Luida so much. Everyone else in the hangar gets really worried after Meryl tells them what happened in July and what Vash is capable of. But Luida, as usual, sticks up for Vash and reminds them of all the good things he has done for them, how he’s always fought against Knives. And how they owe him, not just to fight, but to help him out and rescue him. He’s not just the destroyer of July, he’s also, above all, always been a protector. And now he deserves someone to save him. 

Oh and Luida’s moment of doubt, her wondering if she’s a coward. Meryl comes forward and admits she’s had the same thoughts. She’s worried about the same things. They both have such a sense of duty and responsibility, but it comes with the burden of never knowing if you’re doing the right thing. 

It’s interesting to think about much, much earlier, when Meryl had her doubts about herself way back during her early days with Vash, when she wondered if she was too cold and calculating. Luida is having a similar moment. There’s something so human about it, their fear that they aren’t doing enough or the right thing. I just love the female characters in this story and their complexity so much. 

Oh my god, this Plant memory. It has lived rent free in my head for months. For all Knives’s talk that humans abuse Plants and don’t care about them, look at this little girl and how joyful she is about it. How the humans thank her for her work. It’s a drop in the bucket compared to Knives’s rage, but it’s wiggling its way in. It’s making him doubt everything he’s ever believed about humanity’s cruelty. 

Vash in that cage/coffin thing fucks me up so badly. You know Knives locked him up like that to “protect” him, so he wouldn’t get in the way of Knives’s work and not kill himself quicker trying to stop him. But it’s so, so cruel to shove him into that small space and isolate him like that. 

Is Knives getting overwhelmed by all of the Plants’ memories? He did absorb so many of them. That’s a lot of minds for any one person to handle, even if he’s a hyper-intelligent Independent. 

YES YES YES. WOLFWOOD TO THE RESCUE. The ambush of the fighter planes was just a distraction for him to get in and get Vash out!!!

Still wonder exactly how he managed to get on the Ark during all this. Was he hiding out on it from earlier? Or did he somehow jump from one of the fighter planes?

[bmblboop]

RWBY X Justice League... TWO!

Gonna do another liveblog while killing some time. Here goes!

-cut for length-

UHD is 480p? This movie has been out for two weeks and it's not 1080? I thought the first one was only that way bc I got it day-of!

Ugh, I wont get mad over it. The YT edition gave me trouble the last time too - let's just see how it goes.

Recap! Took me a minute to realize this is the Weiss vs Bruce music from the first movie - which is definitely the closest we've gotten to classic RWBY music.

"'Grimm' as in, "The Brothers"?" For half a second I thought she was referring to the Gods of Light and Dark but no as in the authors 'Brothers Grimm' because the DC universe is supposed to be Earth and fairytales are just fairytales here. Are they gonna lean more into the allusion aspect of RWBY et. al now that we have a world where Red Riding Hood and the others are just stories?

Jurassic Park moment with the Pterrorsaur. Except this time they can literally smell fear.

Epic Ruby moment vs the Taijitu (first time in Maya), love how creative the fights are.

Grimm on Earth turn to gunk? Hopefully it's just goo and not regeneration-goo (like the Wyvern 'Blood' in v3).

Ooh, when the Kilg%re/Goliath gets punched the cracks are yellow. Color scheme: red, white, black, yellow.

When I saw the flash of purple tailing Batman I thought TYRIAN!? Nope, it's just a Scorpion with a modified tail... suspiciously like Tyrian's. Guess Watts is involved after all.

Saw this preview clip, but ow. Weiss is still hurting from losing Atlas, and I honestly don't blame her. That was her home, and it's straight up gone. Glad to see this carry through from v9, as well as Ruby's post-renewal mindset.

Voice changer to keep the mystery voice a mystery.

Mmm Flash angst. Reminds me of v9 Jaune. Blond boys get no sleep.

Had to pause on Weiss' contacts screen and I love that shes got all her teammates, all her family, and Maria just, lurking. Lol

Clearly Maria has her own scroll but I do have to wonder how good she is at tech things given she has such a close-cropped image. Or maybe she doesn't give a shit XD.

Love love love that conversation with Klein, I love that this is the direction of Weiss' character arc and I love that daddy issues whammy of 'He abandoned Atlas long before it fell.' 'Do you mean Atlas, or your family?'

Time dilation double pun. The 'when you are needed most' line at the end of v9 and Weiss being the one saying 'we have experience with that' considering one of her glyphs is Time Dilation.

Blake breaking down the door feat. Yang's flirty wink.

XD Ruby entering the portal in style

We finally got a 'not in Kansas anymore' referenceeeee.

Oh, split up along Weiss/Blake and Yang/Ruby this time, glad to see it! Time for sisterly conflict.

Heh. Joker and Harley watching the city burn.

Oh now I see why Blake went to Gotham. Cat. Bat. "This is where he's from. I get it now."

The way Ruby just knew that she'd still be able to move like she did on Remnant. My girl. (Was worried for a sec she was gonna try to Silver Eyes it and that would fail)

"You learn not to question Flash's villain roster." That got a laugh out of me and I don't even know about Flash's lore.

Something about Weiss mentioning "Mr Freeze" while dressed as an Ice Princess is funny to me.

The particles on Blake and Jessica's fist bump :D

Aw man, it IS regeneration goop!

I guess 'consciousness is stored' is how we can get Watts in a post-v9 crossover. Technomagic stuff.

Weiss proving she's the queen.

Hope Cyborg isn't corrupted.

Love this Cobra/Dragonfly grimm. Clip it's wings!

'We need more firepower.' Enter Yang with an epic save.

Hold on, are Yang's flame punches the color of the lesbian flag?

Are we gonna a get a 'speedsters need to slow down' moral here? With Flash also rushing into danger and nearly getting killed?

Anyway, planning session time.

The truth revealed.

Honestly, 'no body no death' kinda applies here like we KNOW that Watts died either burning to death via Cinder's wish or when Atlas fell but he was surrounded by computers at the time as well. It could have literally been the last thing he ever did. (Or he did it during v7 since he already wormed his way into the Atlas network via Jacques).

Via Jacques. Man. Watts really is Weiss's personal villain.

The whole 'transferring consciousness' thing also reeks of the Aura Transfer machines used on the Maidens, but I always assumed that was Pietro's invention so he could give life to Penny. Maybe Watts stole or twisted the concept for his own use.

Yang seeing the Ruby in Flash mmmmm. The way he looks at her arm and asks 'what happened?' and Yang explains how she felt ooooooooo. Flash explaining that Kilgore is no longer in his brain but he hears and sees him all the time.

Blonde PTSD buddies WOOOO-

Meanwhile Ruby and Clark orphan bonding. Not entirely sure how Ruby will take the 'I make my parents proud for fighting for the things they died for'

Also given that some of Summer's first "lines" in the show was Red Like Roses Part 2 "baby please don't do what I did/I don't want you to waste your life in vain"

And on that somber note -break time!

[ronearoundblindly]

The Stark Legacy (24)

Tony Stark's daughter (OC) x Bucky Barnes epic slowburn

Daybreak, part of Book III: Power (see previous or series)

Summary: An emergency hits Wakanda, leaving Bucky to race against the current threat. Tony lands in the aftermath, stunned.

Warnings for descriptions of painful Inhuman transformation/canon-level gore and action. Rated Teen/15+ ONLY, please. WC 3.2k A/N: eeee! We've reached one of my fave chapters 🤩 Hope you enjoy 😘

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR—March 2039

“The King of Atlantis and his sentries are still searching the seas for Doom, and our ground intel has garnered no further sightings,” T’Challa finished his portion of the brief in a mumble of disappointment. “I cannot ask Namor to continue to expend resources when weeks have left us no closer to capture or proof of death.”

Shuri nodded toward her brother. “At least the threat of a wide release of D-Lite seems to be handled for now. Romanoff has completed her trace of the tainted heroin from Marshall’s facility after it arrived in Hong Kong and will return to New York soon.”

Bucky remained seated, quiet and watchful. He and the white-haired Ororo were the only two that did not speak. T’Challa’s betrothed sat quietly, eyes turned away towards the windows. Ororo, Storm they called her, always became the most concerned when the weather was beautifully clear. Nature spoke to her, and when nature was quiet, she listened harder. Bucky was mostly distracted by her hair, a silkier, lighter version of T’Challa’s mother’s, and Ramonda had the loveliest hair. Sam Wilson nudged him to participate, but Bucky lifted a palm to indicate Wilson could proceed without him.

Falcon started the hologram, describing several mutated figures captured from across Northern Africa. “Unfortunately, these appear to be victims of the same drug Nat tracked down in China. A portion of the shipment must have been smuggled into a Mediterranean port before we were able to intercept. Less than half of those we’ve found took it voluntarily, but none of those can describe their attackers.”

The whole group sighed in exhaustion. While this was a lazy, mid-morning gathering, mission after mission fighting for a semblance of control across the world left them ragged. T’Challa scanned the information but asked nothing. That part was Bucky and Wilson’s assignment, and the King of Wakanda left it in their hands. Monsters, creatures, mutants, inhumans—whatever you wanted to call them needed to be captured, questioned, and distributed to the proper authority. Criminals to the police, victims to the proper hospital or therapy, and children and young adults to Xavier’s School. 

Bucky was a soldier, neither a babysitter nor a therapist, but witnessing the confused, violent suffering of newly transformed people took its own special toll. When a Dosed woman screamed “Who could do this to someone?” with tears streaming down her face before her insides boiled out through every orifice, Bucky thought of Sam’s apparent “choice” to become something else. That woman died in transformation. When another Dosed man viciously slashed at him with thorny tentacles, growling about his right to be as powerful and deadly as he could manage, Bucky thought of Sam becoming an unrecognizable enemy. However, since that first meal after the team dropped Doom off the coast to supposedly drown, Wilson had conspicuously failed to mention either Samantha or Bucky’s new arm. Big Sam did seem to eye him knowingly whenever Bucky’s thoughts wandered to a new sensation or her condition. Bucky thought to say something aloud a few times, but what he wanted to say changed constantly, multiple times a day, for weeks. So while Falcon remained methodical and cool-headed, Bucky felt as though the unknown outcome of each mission was unravelling him like a single thread pulled from a parachute. At some point, his mind wouldn’t hold up his body anymore, and he’d crash.

”Stark is due back today,” Wilson added after a long pause. Bucky jolted from his reverie.

Shuri nodded again. “We have tracked his progress in the solar system, a few hours at most an—.”

Ororo snapped up from her chair. “Something is wrong.” 

Dora Milaje burst into the room.

“My King, there is…we must go.”

Shuri furiously swiped through her tablet to view the alarm. “The border registers a sea level disturbance.”

T’Challa straightened. “I am not fleeing from an earthquake.” Storm grabbed his arm, eyes clouding as white as her hair briefly.

“It’s not an earthquake, brother,” Shuri stood this time, shuffling across the room, “it is a tsunami.” She said no more before bolting down the hallway.

Without pause, everyone seated rose and rushed out after her. T’Challa ordered transports sent to villages to remove civilians from the ground back to the highest buildings. Shuri sent evacuation instructions to crowded rural populations on higher ground, then divided any remaining areas to select guards and their Kimoyo beads. Falcon got his assigned location and jumped from the nearest balcony. Storm descended to assist the transports heading to the coast outside. The terrain of Wakanda flashed through Bucky’s mind as the orders were given, allowing a sickening thought to awaken: the annex lab sat in a gentle valley closer to the cost.

He spun Shuri around to face him. “What about Samantha?”

“There is no time, James. We must get as many civilians above it as possible.”

“She is a civilian.”

“The cryo tanks should survive the impact. We built them outside of the barrier for a reason, and you know that Barnes. You cannot go—”

Bucky was out the door before Shuri could finish; ‘should’ was not good enough. He took his bike from the platform and raced towards the secluded building where he’d first been stored decades ago when Steve hid him in Wakanda. He had been given the chance to reclaim his mind and his life; he could not let Sam die submerged in a tomb of his own making. He feared her changing, but he feared her death more.

His bike had never felt slower though he topped the speedometer as high as he dared. He could feel the heavy impact of his steps on the soft ground, the concrete floor, the suspended stairs, and finally on the clanking metal scaffold in front of Sam’s frozen, serene face. Bucky tapped the panel to the right of the container. It showed only her unchanging vitals and temperature control; he was not authorized to change it.

“Shuri,” he shrieked through the comms. She didn’t answer right away. “Shuri!”

“I’m sorry, Barnes. I’m not going to expose you both. Get to the highest lev—”

Bucky cut off his comm. He slammed his fists against the clear, solid wall between him and Sam. There must be a failsafe on impact, something, anything to trigger the door. It was only when he stopped beating the glass to pry the seal that he heard the small beeps.

The screen to the right had changed. It showed neon green text against a black screen, like an ancient computer: James Buchanan Barnes? Yes/No

He tapped Yes. Another question: Will you save Samantha Stark? Yes/No

He tapped Yes again. Almost before he hit the response, one more question popped up: Do you promise? Yes/No

What the hell? He tapped Yes, and the modern screen appeared again, flashing the start of the reversal sequence. The vapor and frost seemed to take an eternity to dissipate, and Bucky could see nothing outside of the fogged windows facing the valley. He willed the chamber to warm faster, but a thought sprang up in the back of his mind. If the sequence isn’t complete, or the whole process is rushed, what happens to her? His stomach churned. Time slowed to a crawl.

The fear left him when the glass slid away from a flesh-toned Sam. It had to; there was no time for fear. Bucky gracelessly heaved Sam over his shoulder and fled the building. When the rhythm of his run slowed, approaching the motorcycle, he noticed her moving. The excitement he felt died when he saw her face as she clawed her way out of his arms. Sam screamed, eyes fixed on the bike. What the hell?

“No,” Sam screamed over and over pulling away from him with every ounce of energy she could muster which was shockingly strong.

You idiot, Buck. Her accident. “Sam, I promise I’ll keep you safe. Stop, quit fighting—you have to get on.”

She didn’t relent. For a moment, Bucky thought of knocking her unconscious, but he couldn’t bring himself to swing. Then he saw her skin, orange and raging into a glowing yellow, like a twinkling star up close, but that wasn’t all. Whole areas over her body shone blue and flashed as if the yellow beneath were trying to escape. They still had to move. “Get on the damn bike!”

Dragged forward by his arms, Sam fell to her knees. She’d stopped screaming, now only taking huge rattling breaths, no longer loud enough to hide the rushing sound of water nearby. 

If the wave is that close, Bucky thought, it’s too late, and the water slammed him back into the corner of the building.

The flash of the barrier nearly blinded him on reentry. Unable to reach anyone on comms, Tony jetted towards Wakanda pulling so many g’s, he nearly passed out and crash-landed outside the glistening dome. His body fatigued by Earth’s gravity, he kept the entire Iron Man suit on to prop up his weakened skeleton. The fog was thick, the ground covered in nearly two inches of water that rippled slowly as it slid back downhill. Bit odd for this terrain. He looked around. He had to use infrared sensors to perceive anything over two meters away. His scan showed rubble to his right, two prone bodies, and an warning that one more approached from behind him.

He squelched through the mud towards the bodies. Friendlies?

“You filthy, selfish surface dwellers,” a deep voice echoed from behind him. “My wave should have crushed you.”

Not friendly then, but familiar.

 “Payment is required for your missteps, human.” This time the growl was personal, delivered with acid irritation, but no form or shadow could penetrate the mist. 

Tony leaned down to the first body. Friday sensed a pulse, scanned, and found no other injuries. He rolled the mud-covered figure to face him, wiping hair away and out of the receding water. It was Sam, barely. From a video connection across space, nearly a year ago at Harvard, and a boozy-fog of a wedding reception, he had little reference for her features beneath the caked earth, yet his daughter was laying unconscious in a field with an enemy 15 meters away. He looked at her scan again: no indications of a healed fracture, or any injury at all. Had he been wrong? Worried these weeks for nothing?

“He took her because of you, Stark,” the voice shouted.

Tony spun, blasters ready, struggling to raise his heavy arms. There stood the King of Atlantis, shimmering in the low light of the mist, hardly dressed and dripping wet.

“What did you do?” Tony blurted. His interactions with Namor were more limited than those with Sam. Namor always struck him as an even more arrogant and fool-hardy version of himself, or perhaps just a younger version, except with zero humor. Add in the additional intensity of blood royalty, and King Waterworld embodied everything that irritated Tony.

A long, sharp trident lowered towards Iron Man’s neck. “What have I done? You and that cheeky princess have enabled terror and destruction upon my city. You killed my people.” 

Tony touched a finger to the foreign sea metal to nudge it away from himself and Sam. “I literally just got here, so you’re gonna need to be more specific. Last I saw, you were helping zap a zit off that coast,” he pointed, taking the opportunity to stand and step away. Friday beeped that the second form was stirring.

The king’s nostrils flared. “A mutant dosed with my genetic code—the containment for which Princess was solely responsible—attacked my home. My betrothed was taken,” Namor seethed, gripping his weapon anxiously, “Tigershark, he called himself, and when he razed our palace, he claimed we could ‘thank Young Stark.’”

Tony’s mind went into overdrive, processing years of information told in pieces or briefs all at once: Namor’s DNA, ‘Young Stark,’ the glow he’d seen Sam inject into Bucky’s shoulder. Extremis samples in the Wakandan shipment stolen a year earlier, among samples of multiple mutants. Simon Marshall’s experiments to produced new mutants. Marshall taught at Harvard. Sam went to Harvard. ‘Young Stark.’ No trace of a healed break… Stall.

“Yes,” Tony stumbled before catching his stride, “our lifespans must be very comical down below. You look marvelous for being twice my age, by the way. You know, I diet, but—”

“Enough,” Namor bellowed then advanced. “Dorma,” the king whispered, “deserves justice.”

“And just out of pure curiosity,” Tony added, “what would satisfy your…justice? I’m not up on my Atlantean law—”

“You cheek, as the Princess up there does—” Tony kept his eyes fixated on the direction of the trident, now raised to the hill of the city—“It seems the guilty of the surface can do nothing but belittle the lives of my people. You,” Namor snapped at the newly risen figure behind the rubble. “They call you Captain. Are you the one who stopped my ocean’s advance? I doubt it, weak as you appear after a little splash.” The king smirked.

Tony shifted to see Barnes covered head to toe in thick, dripping muck. “You look like shit,” Tony stated flatly. On any other day, Tony would be thankful for that small victory. That irritatingly naive soldier never aged and still acted oblivious to having fangirls across the world ogling his blue eyes. Tony watched those blue eyes roll across the ground, slowly sweeping back when he saw Samantha’s body a few feet away. Today, Tony was simply thankful Namor had no clue Samantha Stark existed. Bucky met Tony’s gaze, a question silently conveyed and answered in an instant. Bless you for being sharper than you look, Terminator—wait, no arm. What do I call you now?

Bucky raised his hands slowly, stepping away from Sam. “You can deal with me.”

“You did nothing,” Namor advanced savagely. “What good does a lap dog do me?”

Tony jumped in to further distract the Sub-Mariner. “Actually, that one is definitely more of a cat. Very anti-social, gives everybody dirty looks. The original Cap, now he’s your golden retriever typ—”

“How then—” the tines of the trident laced around the iron throat “—do you propose to make amends?” Namor slid his hand up the shaft to tower over Tony, face to mask.

Inside the suit, Tony’s eyes shifted to Sam. She hadn’t moved yet. The helmet split open to reveal his own haggard face to the king. “I can bring her back to you,” he said honestly, “Dorma, was it? But for the record, I did not knowingly help anyone to attack you—”

“Stark,” Bucky mumbled in warning.

“I can offer you…myself, as a hostage and helper in finding this—this Tigershark.”

Namor regarded Tony thoroughly, sizing up his ability and his sincerity all in one raking with his pitch black eyes.

“I know what that feels like,” Tony quietly added, “to lose her.”

This seemed to refocus the King on his answer. “And Wakanda’s Princess will give me the tool to rip apart that murderer,” Namor said finally.

“We’ve got all sorts of tools,” Tony chirped, “take your pick.”

Namor twisted his trident to pinch the suit’s jaw and shoulder. “I require the Cosmic Cube.”

Except that one, Tony thought, holy shit, you are not getting an infinity stone. “That’s…not currently available for loan,” he started, though the trident twisted more, “but Cap here will take your request straight to top brass, yes?”

Tony could only assume Bucky nodded behind him when the scraping metal slid away from his own neck.

“There will be other consequences,” Namor allowed, “once Tigershark is killed and Dorma is safe.”

“Of course,” Tony said, “I’ve heard shark is delicious.” From the look returned to him, Tony knew he’d need to hold his tongue as best he could.

“Humans are disgusting,” Namor grunted, yet tossed his head to lead Tony away. 

Stark sighed in relief for equipping that suit to be air-tight and pressurized when necessary. Tony checked his oxygen supply left from re-entry. The marker read 79%, so maybe he wouldn’t die…right away. The king grabbed the suit’s arm when Tony delayed, a grip as tight as a vice, and led them back towards the sea. Poetic justice if he snaps my arm, Tony mused. “I will not drown you,” Namor added, “as long as you are useful.”

Ah, there it is, the warm tingle of friendship. As Tony shut and sealed his helmet again, squelching through the mud, he hoped Barnes understood to protect his daughter in his absence.

Bucky was attempting to get an arm under Sam and enough traction under his feet to lift her when Wilson yelled from above that he was incoming.

“Sweet Barbecuing Betty,” Falcon sassed as he landed beside Bucky kneeling in the mud. “Look at the crisp on that wall.”

 Bucky looked up to see some of the fog clearing. A black, charred streak defaced the entire side of the four story annex building. Towards the center of the mark were indentation with white ash peeling away in the damp.

Falcon continued, hands on hips, taking a few steadying, wet breaths. “When did Shuri create that bomb, you think? Wish she would have told you about it before you drove right into the line of fire. Your comm wash away?”

“How many did it get?” Bucky asked. 

Falcon shrugged, lifting his goggles to rub his eyes. “No one past that hill at least. We’re checking the coast now.” He finally looked down towards Barnes before panic rose in his voice. “The hell— Is she breathing? Lil’ Sam, can you hear me?”

“She’s—” Bucky didn’t know how to describe it, but Wilson bent to check her regardless. Pulse fine, breathing slow and unhindered, but his hands and her face were too dirty for him to check her pupils. Instead he changed the subject. “What do you mean—what did you see?” Bucky planted a foot against a root in the ground to push him and Samantha upright.

“From up there,” Wilson rattled, eyes on Lil’Sam and using a palm to scrape excess muck off of her, “the water was a strange shape, like it pointed to the city, and then it just…exploded—evaporated really. Looked like a bomb went off. Turned the whole thing to fog and mist and rain… Man, it’s hard to breathe in this. Think she’s having trouble?” Falcon checked her for the third time, looking towards the building for the next safest step. The blackened facade distracted both men for a moment, specifically the bottom of the scorch mark that showed a perfect outline of a human bust. Wilson spun around, assessing the newly visible terrain. They were standing in a wide, shallow hole approximately ten meters across, spotted with sharp blades of sunlight. “You’re gonna tell me what the hell happened here, right?”

Bucky remained fixated on the Annex wall, unflinching. “As soon as I know,” he mumbled before meeting Falcon’s eyes. Bucky shifted Sam’s weight to keep the mud from slipping them apart. “We need to see Banner.”

[Chapter 25: Compound]

[Main Masterlist; Light Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

[rubberduckrobin]

𝗦𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱.

Fandom: Obey Me!

Summary: The brothers bickering, as usual. But this time it comes at the cost of a life.

Word count: Around 1k.

Authors note: This was originally meant to be a knights/princesses sort of thing but I wanted an epic battle with a dragon... but I also wanted it to be sad, so here we are.

[R/N stands for Readers name.]

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55778944

TW/Content warnings: Injury/gore, blood, death.

[GIF from IceGif.com. This does not belong to me.]

It looms over you. 

You'd seen dragons as tameable, beautiful creatures. A staple of fantasy, the only harm they bring being fear - for the purpose of narrative; the romanticisation of them in the books you read and the games you play lessened the thoughts in the back of your mind that if it were a real being, without a ‘hero’ to save you a dragon could kill. And what’s even scarier is that most of the time it has no motive, because at the end of the day it’s an animal born into the world blind - as everyone is - relying purely on instinct.

The dragon before you is not the kind from fiction. You need to now delve deep into the drowned thoughts: the realistic. It’s real and it’s standing in front of you, defensively as if you are the threat. Because, essentially, you are in its instinctual-driven perspective - survival of the fittest.

And as its form, almost quadruple the size of you, towers up between you and the Devildom sky, you realise that stories are rose-tinted from the imagination, and that the reality is blinds you with tears. Never would you have thought them to be true blood lusting and ravenous beasts. 

You were entranced by it, a deer in bright headlights, and because of this were brought into its territory as its next prey; now you need to fight back.  

It was foolish of you to approach it, to be your own ‘hero’, but you had nowhere else to go. 

If it were a perfect fantasy world, you would threaten to slay the dragon, but instead caress its 'smooth' scales and hush it to calm, the world brought to applause - but this is the Devildom, and the closest you are to being saved by a ‘hero’, other than yourself, is a last minute arrival of one, or all, of the brothers. A reliance on a close scrape is all you have.

Your flesh loathes the gaping claw wounds as they tease you, trying to rip themselves off of your skin, before you do it yourself, no longer able to endure the agony. 

It hasn’t yet torn you apart but it’s taking your strength. You’ve now turned to foetal, curled up into a ball, clutching the lines of the bloody split carved into your stomach, the rocks of the ground adding to your agony.

The dragon has so far only managed to scratch you twice, pick you up by its claws and drop you from half its height, but it’s enough to make your body surrender. But no, not your mind; it’s still clinging onto the hope that somebody - it doesn’t even have to be one of the brothers - somebody is coming.  

Excruciating. Hot streamed sweat and blood boils the wounds, streams into your eyes and you are not sure whether you’re blinded by this or by the tears cascading down your face like bullets. 

You can hear muffled voices.

It burns, it burns. The blur turns red. Is it now blood or is it flame around you from the dragon's breath? The only thing the stories and games were right about. This is crazy - dragons are real, just not tameable, beautiful. Only partially beautiful. You were entranced. But now you see the ugly in its sharp skin, the tangled, matted, burning, smoking fur and you can hear its furious empty growls.

It slashes you, again, then curls you around its nails. It drops you, again. Your breath hitches. Over and over. Over and over. It’s not steadying, it embodies the panic you feel. The ash blocks your nose. You have to breathe through gritted teeth. 

It stops.

Not the pain, but the dragon. Why is the dragon now just watching you? 

You turn. 

No, it’s not watching you. 

Four of the brothers are there, almost as expected.

“I was ‘ere first, back off! I can do it myself!” Mammon.

“I’ll save them!” Leviathan.

“I need to be the one to save them. I need to apologise.” Satan.

“Can’t you guys see that just fighting each other is not going to fight the dragon?” Asmodeus.

Magic takes concentration, and it’s not something they’ll have if they continue to bicker; in a perfect world, they would all work together. 

You realise that this might be your own last fighting moment, so you take the dragon's distraction as a chance to run, and where else would you run to, other than into their arms?

You choke on the things you long to ask: if they were there the entire time, why didn’t they act sooner? Aren’t they strong enough? 

Your breath catches up to the pace of your feet - the dragon is not yet defeated and is growing impatient. 

The first to catch you is Mammon.

“R/N!” 

He’s shaking, and as you grasp for the rest of them, you realise they all are. Or maybe it’s just you. 

“Ah, you’re bleedin’, you’re bleedin’! Alright, R/N, we’re ‘ere. I promise ya you’ll be alright.”

They didn’t act soon enough. In the absence of their action, you feel even more of your strength fading. 

You turn to your knees, limp.

“Woah! Woah! R/N! Are you okay?” 

More arrive. The dragon watches keenly.

“Idiots! Why didn’t you do anything? Idiots, idiots!” It’s all Belphegor can say. He's loud and this taunts the already-ringing deafness in your ears.

Beelzebub remains silent. Frozen in fear…but you know it's not the dragon. You know deep down that it's because he’s scared of losing you. Like he did with Lilith. 

And he doesn’t know it’s your fault not his. 

“Everyone. Leave. With R/N. Now.”

“Oh, great. Lucifer gets to save the day, as usual.” Does Satan not care?

“Then let's all do it then, for fucks sake.” Belphie cares, you know this. But he's making things worse - everyone is. 

The only people left in your embrace are Asmodeus and Leviathan, but it's grown less comforting over time as they realise the severity of your wounds and also as the tension increases.

Your bloodied hands stain their shirts as they drift away from your touch to confront the dragon.

You reach out to them, unable to do much more.

“I said leave, did I not?” Lucifer is tired. You know he is.

 Will any of them ever defeat this dragon?

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡

The dragon is defeated, but at what cost? 

You hear the dragons’ wail and thud as it collapses. You see the flash of light from the magic. You watch all of the brothers turn to you. 

You see Diavolo arrive. You see him point at you, an expression never seen on a king's face before.

Why is he pointing at you? You can’t tell through your half-shut eyelids.

Your blood is warm, the ground is cold. Your head hitting the ground from the side.

Your last feeling is the blood dripping from your forehead. Your last smell, the blood. Your last taste is metallic. Your last sound is lost voices.

Your last sight, your heroes. 

​🇦​​🇧​​🇴​​🇺​​🇹​ ​🇲​​🇾​ ​🇧​​🇱​​🇴​​🇬​

​🇹​​🇺​​🇲​​🇧​​🇱​​🇷​ ​🇲​​🇦​​🇸​​🇹​​🇪​​🇷​​🇱​​🇮​​🇸​​🇹​

[nedlittle]

top five Classic Literature Tomes to get the most fantastic array of brain rot

the use of the word 'tomes' assumes books over 400 pages, however most of the classics i've truly gone cuckoo bananas over are shorter, but i'll try for some meaty ones

sorry to be the most boring person alive but moby-dick good actually. i DID give it 2.75 when i read it and i did sort of hate the experience but jesus christ herman melville i am going to charge your ghost property tax in my brain!! genuinely a Rich Text. i would love to study it in a class. sometimes a story is a coffin that is also a lifeboat. sometimes fate is a noose tightening around your neck the closer you get to the end of a story you've already lived. sometimes you have to make a story epic to ensure that the people in it did not die in vain, even though they did, and you will too. sometimes a whale is a fish (?) and also a book (?) that is the entire argument for one of the cetology chapters. my favourite incorrect whale fact chapter is the one where ishmael lists approximately two dozen things that are a) white b) scary to prove that the titular whale is not an isolated case. the one about skull dimensions is also an all-timer. read a little context about melville at the time of writing, read his breathtakingly romantic letters to nathaniel hawthorn, then read moby-dick. I SURVIVE MYSELF! MY DEATH AND BURIAL WERE LOCKED UP INSIDE OF MY CHEST! i am actually planning to reread it, once war and peace (& emails) is sufficiently underway. other suggested reading: the whale: in search of giants of the sea by philip hoare; in the heart of the sea: the tragedy of the whaleship essex by nathaniel philbrick; the whale: a love story by mark beauregard

normally this is where i would rec the brothers karamazov because i am a one trick pony however more people should read the idiot. yes you can tell that dostoevsky planned the first section then flee by the seat of his pants for the rest, but it is a Blast. i have previously described it as the world's longest and most high-stakes game of "yes, and?" and i stand by that assessment. it's really just a blast up until the last couple chapters which are a foregone conclusion and you KNOW the end of the story is going, because you've been told how it ends, but you still want it to end differently! incredible mimetic desire on display! myshkin is ostensibly in the centre of two love triangles (nastasya ➡️ myshkin ⬅️ aglaya and myshkin ➡️ nastaya ⬅️ rogozhin) but the actual reality is like. nastaya is playing homoerotic 4d psychosexual mind chest with aglaya while myshkin watches, meanwhile nastaya and rogozhin uh. certainly have something Hinky going on but rogozhin and myshkin are probably the gayest relationship i've personally encountered in dostoevsky. i would need a chart to explain. if you've read any other fedya d there's some familiar territory that could get repetitive, and half the scenes are people in drawing rooms fighting over nothing. it fucks.

it's not long but notes of a crocodile by qiu miaojin is a Thinker. autofiction within autofiction. transgressive both in style and substance. if you're a fan of the bell jar/cassandra at the wedding/special topics I'm calamity physics/media about pretentious literary girls with fucked up brains, then this is a book for you. captures the listlessness of being in your early twenties and seeing no future where you survive and the necessity of queer friendship and grassroots activism and there's a very real anthropomorphic crocodile who is also a metaphor for lesbianism and you WILL cry over the crocodile! fantasy is a cornerstone of hope! the crocodile is allowed to reach out and find a way to live when neither protagonist nor author can find a way.

also not long but there is so much delicious gender in my ántonia. ántonia and jim really ARE queering heterosexuality by being straight in the most gayass t4t way. another book that's enriched by learning about the author's bio and specifically her gender presentation (the intro to the barnes & noble edition makes a great point about how cather is allowed to vocalize her desire for women if her words are in the mouth of a young man--literally, there's a prologue written by an unnamed narrator who isn't not cather telling you 'this happened to my buddy jim'. layers upon layers of authorship. but also jim is a woman and ántonia (tony!) is a man and they take refuge in the assumption of outward-presenting heterosexuality to get real fucky with gender. does lose a little steam once jim goes to college but dear god could cather string a sentence together. every formal description of this book makes it sound unbelievably boring but do it for the gender and the beautiful descriptions of nebraska

plum bun: a novel without a moral by jessie redmon fauset is a good chaser if you've read passing. they were published the same year and tackle similar themes but with vastly different voices and outcomes; nella larsen is beloved and renowned today, but hardly anyone has heard of jessie redmon fauset (i hadn't until someone on here recommended plum bun to me!). personally i prefer plum bun to passing--though only by a slight margin and this is a case of the two cakes rule; they're both good! fauset's prose has such a rich texture that you can really sink into, and the way the early parts unfurl were very reminiscent of a tree grows in brooklyn. also both a Romance and a satire/interrogation of marriage plots if you're a romance rearer. we are WAAAAY overdue for a jessie redmon fauset revival! give my girl her due!