#but like the free time and money are appealing if i can just find a way to utilize them

[warpstones]

crazy how my life is simultaneously better and worse atm

[starcurtain]

I wish everyone collectively understood aventurine’s character like you…things would be so much easier! I genuinely don’t understand how people keep getting his motivations wrong??? Could it be because some of the most popular Aven fanfics were written prior to his release? That could have contributed to some of the takes we tend to see about him…thoughts?

I struggled all day to come up with a concise way to answer this and couldn't think of one, so here, have a long-winded ramble:

I don't think early fic writers have much impact in the situation with Aventurine's character now, since most people can look at when a story was posted and go "Oh, this was before we had ____ information."

I think that Aventurine's problem is being a male character in a gacha game. Gacha game characters are designed to sell. Hoyo can sell female characters very, very easily. Give her huge tits and a visible underwear strap and you're good to go. I love all my guy friends, but I'm not gonna sugarcoat it: straight men are not the hardest audience to please. Hit a particular fetish (feet, spandex, dommy mommy), and you're gucci.

Nah, we all know why Jade's trailer is Like That.™

Male characters in gacha are harder to sell because women as consumers are a little harder to predict. Does every woman want a tall, ripped hunk? Shit, no, small cute boyish models like Aventurine are selling better now? Why?! Would a bad boy be more popular than a nice guy??? It's harder to account for women's tastes, especially because they are often (a little) less visually-oriented.

Hoyo is good at what they do though, and they've figured out that male characters sell very well when they possess at least one of two specific traits:

Endearing vulnerability/helplessness

Gay ship tease

Give a character both, like Aventurine? They might as well be printing money.

That sound you hear is Hoyo's stock prices rising.

So, from the very beginning, Hoyo is incentivized to create a character that appeals to people, a character people will want to crack their wallets open for. And they achieved this, first and foremost, by giving Aventurine traits that female players (in particular, but men too), find especially appealing: emotional and physical vulnerability.

We see Aventurine's pain. We sympathize with his grief. We identify with his struggle to make meaning of his difficult life. He's our woobie, blorbo, babygirl, whatever the hell they're calling it now.

He can't hide his suffering anymore. He's on the very edge. He's a dude in distress. He's surrounded by enemies! He misses his mama! He's been betrayed! No one understands him like you do, dear player!

The ultimate feeling evoked is: He needs to be saved.

When people talk about male power fantasies, I think they forget that women can experience them too, and "Emotionally vulnerable man that only I (or my favorite character) can fix" is actually a female power fantasy.

And from there it's really easy, right: the people who shell out cash to buy warps for their harmed-husbando feel like they've saved him; the people who are into mlm ships look for the nearest hot dude to be the savior Ratio was waiting for his time lol.

Morally and intellectually, this type of deep-down-golden-hearted, emotionally-wounded male character is very easy to digest. There is nothing to dislike about this type of character or role in the story: this character is a good guy who has just gone through so many terrible situations, whose victim status makes him endearing, and whose lack of agency means that any of the questionable or downright bad things he does are always the result of someone else forcing his hand, and never something he would have chosen himself.

His motivations are always clear and consistent: get free, heal, and live happily ever after.

Insert the Wreck-It Ralph meme: "Do people assume all your problems got solved when a big strong man showed up?" But to be fair, a big strong man did kind of solve Aventurine's problem, so--

Anyway, it's simple. It's straightforward. Morally, it's pretty cut and dry, black and white: Aventurine is our hero, which means everyone dictating the course of his miserable life is evil.

Hoyo is not remotely discouraging people from literally buying into this emotional appeal.

And trust me, I get it. I'll be the first to admit that hurt-comfort is its own entire genre in fandom because it is so appealing. People eat up Aventurine's tragic backstory like candy! The idea of watching a character go through hell at the hands of bad guys just to finally find a happy end is like the definition of everyone's favorite story.

In fact... people love Aventurine's suffering so much, they have invented whole new ways for him to suffer that aren't even in the game.

This is where we get all the headcanons that Aventurine was a sex slave, every single person he meets hates him because of his race, the Stonehearts are executioners holding knives to his throat, Jade enslaved him to the IPC with a lifelong contract, his material possessions belong to the company, the IPC is forcing him to take only the most dangerous missions where he is being required by his evil jailers to continually put his life on the line... You name it and I promise you, I can find a fanfic where Aventurine suffers from it. 😂

Bro can't even sleep in on his day off; life is so hard for this man.

Being serious: if the game is telling us that Aventurine is a victim... Why not make him the perfect victim?

Why not envision an Aventurine with no freedom, who bears no responsibility for any of the horrible situations he is in or any of the dubious things he does?

It's so natural to like that version of Aventurine, so appealing to see a totally powerless underdog use his own wits and charms to claw his way up to freedom. Or, if you're the kind who really relishes angst: It's even appealing to see Aventurine lose more. To delight in fics where he loses his wealth, where the IPC punishes him for past crimes while he's powerless to stop them... (I assure you, this is many people's cup of tea and the fanfics prove it!)

Ultimately, there's nothing wrong with liking characters who are exactly this straightforward! It's completely fine to embrace characters that are intentionally written to be morally above-board, whose primary role in the story is to generate angst by being a good person who suffers, or those characters who never show unlikable traits, bad decisions, or contradictory actions.

The problem is that that's just not who the game is telling us Aventurine is.

Hoyo may be capitalizing off people who love to envision poor Aventurine still living his life as a slave... But the game also needs to tell a complicated enough story overall to appeal to people who don't care about this specific husbando--Aventurine's role in the actual game's plot has to be interesting enough for almost everyone to appreciate it, not just Aventurine's simp squad. (Don't get mad, I'm in the simp squad with you.)

So his character doesn't stop at just being a pure-hearted victim who is still waiting to be saved.

Aventurine is not that easy to label, and I think the biggest struggle in this character's fandom right now is between people who prefer the even-more-angsty, still-a-slave Aventurine versus people who want a morally grey, self-destructive character instead.

To me personally, while I greatly understand the appeal of fanon!Aventurine and the joy of a really juicy angst fic where characters lose it all, I think that missing out on the depth that canon is suggesting would be a real loss on the fandom's part.

The character motivations that Aventurine shows in the game are complicated. They cancel each other out. They're basically self-harm! He makes almost every situation he's in worse for himself--on purpose.

He is a good person, but also a person who has done unspeakable things. He does have morals, but he's not above allowing those who don't have them to use him to their advantage.

He's both the victim and the victor. He's his own worst enemy. He's a lost little boy who's been making terrible decisions for himself since he was like eight years old, and a grown ass man who is barely managing to fake his way through an existence that destiny is not letting him quit.

This kind of character is a lot harder to embrace. He's done things that most people would find appalling--like willingly joining up with the organization that let his entire race be massacred. He's invented a whole new peacock persona to frivolously flaunt riches he doesn't even care about (Poison Dart Frog Self-Defense 101). He actively plays into racist stereotypes about his people to manipulate others through their preconceived expectations. He's made a mockery of his mother's and sister's hopes and dreams by endlessly trying to throw his own life away.

He has flaws! He bet everything he had on a ploy without doing his homework to find out if the people he was risking his life for were even still around. (Maybe he already knew, and couldn't bear to admit it, even to himself.) He's intentionally off-putting and obnoxious to everyone he meets (Poison Dart Frog Self-Defense 102). He terrifies everyone who gets close to him by (seemingly) carelessly throwing himself into the jaws of death without the slightest provocation.

He knowingly allows the IPC to exploit his power and talents for profit. Did everyone forget that his role in the Strategic Investment Department is asset liquidation?! Like, his actual day-to-day job is ruining people's lives. Canonically, Aventurine kills people when his deals go bad.

His motivations change off-screen in two lines of story text. We're told in one line that his biggest reason for joining the IPC was to make money to save the Avgin, then in the next line we find out that's impossible. And... then what? What motivations does he even have now? The whole point of his character arc from 2.0-2.1 is that he was on the edge of giving in to utter despair and nihilism because he couldn't even perceive a single reason to stay alive. He has no purpose in life before Penacony, and that didn't start with the Stonehearts at all??

People keep saying Aventurine was held in the IPC by golden handcuffs, but how do you tie down someone for whom profit is meaningless? What can you offer to a man whose only desire is to bring back something already lost forever? How do you imprison someone whose only definition of freedom is, canonically, death?

Working for the Stonehearts is obviously not healthy. But that's why Aventurine was doing it--because taking dangerous missions allowed him to put himself at risk. The job that he originally pursued hoping to save his people became a direct means to self-harm, and the IPC's only real role in that was just happily profiting off the results.

The journal entries for Aventurine's quests are there deliberately to tell the player what is on his mind, and none of it has to do with escaping from his job:

Like... Work is the least of this man's problems.

At really the risk of rambling on too long now, he's also just a massive walking contradiction:

Aventurine is among the most explicitly religious characters in the game, yet he's one of the only people in the entire game that we have ever seen actively question his people's aeon.

You might be tempted to think Aventurine's risky gambles with his life as an adult are a result of giving up after finding out about the Avgin massacre... Butttt no, Hoyo makes sure to tell us that even at knee-high in the Sigonian desert, Kakavasha was already willing to risk himself in a fight to the death against monsters because even back then he found his own life to have less value than a single memento.

He's the "chosen one" who will lead his people to prosperity... except they're all dead.

He's explicitly suicidal... andddd also a pathstrider of Preservation.

He wants to die... He doesn't want to die. He wants to make it end, yet goes to staggering lengths to continually survive. (Every plan risks his life on purpose--but every plan's win condition is also to live.) He life is the chip tossed down, but his hand is trembling beneath the table. When faced with an otherwise unsurvivable situation, Aventurine literally became a winner of the Hunger Games. He beat other innocent people to death with his own chain-bound hands just to come out alive.

He knows the IPC failed the Avgin and left them to die... and he still willingly sought out a position of power in their organization. Maybe he really is after revenge... but maybe not.

He starts his journey in the IPC with a truly noble goal in mind: to help his people using his newfound wealth and power. He's a good guy who did genuinely want to save the Avgin and repay all those who helped him. But once it became clear he was too late, once it was obvious he would have no use at all for that monetary wealth and power he risked his life to get... What did he do with it? Unlike Jade, we don't see him over here donating to orphanages. (I'm not that heartless; I'm sure he does actually do a lot of good things with his money on the side, but the point is that the game does not show us that--it shows us, over and over again, Aventurine putting on a wasteful, over-indulgent persona toward wealth. We've supposed to feel how meaningless money is to him, how meaningless everything is becoming to him.)

He outright refuses to use underhanded tactics or to cheat at gambles, which is meant to show us that's he's more morally upright than his coworkers. There's an entire exchange where he says that he'll never stoop to using manipulation the way Opal does. But... he doesn't have any issue fulfilling Opal's exact agenda. He was never remotely morally conflicted about denying the Penaconians their freedom by dragging Penacony back under IPC control.

He's willing to risk his own life, which is one thing--but he's also willing to risk other people's well-being. Topaz accuses him of constantly egging their clients on into dangerous situations; we've actively seen him shove a gun into Ratio's hands and pull the trigger with no care for how Ratio would feel about that on their very first meeting... Dragging the Astral Express crew into the entire Penacony plan in the first place was exceedingly dangerous...

To me, I just think it's vital to understand his character through the lens of these contradictions because they demonstrate the extreme polarity of Aventurine's life: from rags to riches, from powerless to empowered by multiple aeons, from willing to kill to survive to killing himself... He has quite literally lived a life of "all or nothing," and while he is the victim of many terrible situations out of his control, his arc as a character involves facing the truth of himself and the future his own actions are hurtling him toward.

Frankly, the Aventurine that canon is suggesting is a little annoying. You want to grab him by the shoulders, shake him, and say "Why are you like this?!" And he won't even have an answer for you, because he doesn't even know why he's still alive.

In the end, to me, this is so, so much more interesting. I can read an endless supply of hurt-comfort fics where Aventurine escapes the evil IPC and Ratio is there to fill the void in his life with the power of love and catcakes and be a perfectly happy clam online, but I want canon to continue to serve us this incredible mess of a man who constantly takes one step forward and two steps back.

Who is fully aware of his role as a cog in the grotesque profit-wheel of cosmic capitalism and still manages to say he never changed from the rags-wearing desert rat of the Sigonian wastes.

Who over and over again flirts with nihility but, ultimately, even if he has to wrest it from the grip of the gods themselves with bloody, chain-bound hands, chooses life.

[todorokies]

jjk characters as male thot jobs

including: satoru gojo, suguru geto, toji fushiguro, kento nanami

contents: sfw but very suggestive, jjk men acting like sluts, gn!reader but there is a fem term used once

a/n: you might not consider some of these as “thot jobs” but im here to hypnotize you ouuuuhhh *wiggles fingers around* .. this is so silly but i had a blast writing this one

☆ . . . since gojo’s brain is hardwired to find teasing others amusing and quite the pass time i could see him as a dentist. you go to your local clinic for a annual deep cleaning and this man purposely goes out of his way to make things seem inherently sensual but still manages to do his job professionally. he’ll coo and praise you for following the most regular orders “now open real nice and wide for me … that’s righttt, good girl.” and “bite down on this … mhm yes just like that, you’re doing a great job.”

he’d definitely be like the annoying ones who still try to have a conversation while knuckles-deep prodding in your mouth. “i can tell you haven’t been flossing as much as you should be, what’s up with that?” and all you can do is narrow your eyes at him. he always caress your jaw and cheek too even through the latex gloves his touches are so intimate and gentle at the end of your appointment you’ll be genuinely considering if you should fuck your dentist or not.

☆ . . . i had multiple options for geto but firmly decided on a ceramic artist. i can envision him owning a modern yet whimsical pottery studio —he wanted the modern look but nanako and mimiko insist on the whimsical interior— he offers free beginner classes twice a month. omgg the way his hands knead at the clay and skillfully sculpts on the wheel with his fingers meticulously bending, making his veins more prominent while delicately morphing the creation into a vase. he annunciates his instructions with melodic calmness but still has authority present in his tone i swearrr his voice is like honey.

you catch his eye in one of his classes and offers extended hours free of charge to help you “better your form.” he sits behind you, cradling your forearms directing your movements but still making room for you to assist your own creation. his warm minted breath tickles the back of your neck causing goosebumps “make sure to sit close to the wheel and anchor your elbows tightly against your body…” the sultry in his tone doesn’t go unnoticed with him slightly moving to your ear next “don’t be afraid to make mistakes it’s all about trial and error, darling.”

☆ . . . like the unemployed bum toji is, he seems like the type of man to pride himself as a ‘jack of all trades.’ which is why i see him in the freelancer field of work, specifically, a personal shopper. he has an app on his phone where he can either accept or deny requests. he’s quite picky with commissions when money isn’t running low, but don’t get him wrong, he’s willing to go the extra mile to please his clients. always prefers phone calls over text when discussing farther details knowing his gruff voice will have the recipient weak in the knees. he isn’t shameful to treat his full time employment as a part time hookup arrangement…if he’s lucky enough that is.

“here’s your stuff, pretty.” the quite taller and muscular man at your porch hands over a brown bag containing your groceries. you don’t miss the way his hands graze yours in the exchange, his sharp eyes examine you like you’re his prey; awaiting for your next move in a game you involuntarily started playing. words of gratitude try to slither past your lips but ultimately couldn’t: you’ve officially peaked his interest. “hey, why don’t i help you unload your items?” at that, you nodded making way for the sleazy man to enter your home and eventually your bedroom as well.

☆ . . . what differentiates nanami from the rest is that he’s unaware of how insanely attractive his profession as a baker is. he truly doesn’t understand the appeal of a man in an apron kneading dough and decorating pink frilly cupcakes. he co-owns a bakery with haibara !! they even enrolled in culinary school together. the interior is quite morden with wisteria and other succulent plants hanging from the ceiling; most of the time he’s clueless to very clear advances from others or kindly shut them down saying how he’s “not looking for anything serious” which is a lie he himself started to believe.

but on a faithful sunday autumn morning you stroll in just salivating at the thought of warm dewy chocolate filled croissants, fresh from the oven, when you see him; clad in a bulky knitted cream sweater tying a black apron around his slim waist whilst his becipes bulged slightly through the thick material of the sweater. “good morning, what can i get for you today?” one thing lead to another making you leave with not only a croissant but the blond man’s phone number —due thanks to his cheeky younger coworker, yuji, who wrote the number on your receipt including a note that read: ‘he’s soooo into you :)’

reblogs & feedback is extremely appreciated !! <3

[bloodyknucklesforme]

Red Summer | Ghoap x F!Reader | Slasher!AU

After breaking up with your long term boyfriend you take a job working as a camp counselor in Northern Vermont. Seven weeks of swimming, volleyball, archery and hiking. There's even a hot lifeguard. It seems perfect until you find something evil is lurking in the woods

Tags: Slasher AU, Ghoap x Reader, intro chapter, nondescript reader, dark fic

Chapter 1: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

5.5k words

It smelled like Summer. Ozonic and earthy, carried into your car by the breeze as you drove North through winding roads. Montpelier was two hours behind you now. 

Despite the eighty degree heat, Vermont was lush and green. Only a couple more miles of shaded forest roads before you reached camp. At least you hoped so. Your maps app had been slow to load the last twenty miles.

The place was North, nestled between the border of Canada and the New Hampshire state line. It was gorgeous though. Anytime you thought about moving out of New England to somewhere cheaper the next season changed your mind. The trees just didn’t look as pretty in fall or the snow as splendid in winter. You just wished it was cheaper.

Suppose that’s why you took this job, as much as it didn’t appeal to you. Camp counselor for seven long weeks, the pay was shit but your food and board came free. After a bad breakup you didn’t have time to find a new lease so your life was packed up into a rented storage box with anything valuable shoved into the back of your car. 

A friend of a friend recommended it. She’d been working here for years, attended for even more. She was an old money New Englander. Boarding school outside of Boston and all that. She was nice though. Got you the job over any qualified candidates. It wasn’t nepotism but whatever it was called you wouldn’t complain.

Your car dinged. Low gas. Shit.

Scrolling quickly through the map you saw a gas station up ahead. You’d just make it… hopefully. 

You let out a sigh of relief as you pulled into the station. It was older with dusty windows and sun-faded posters for cigarettes. 

A piece of paper was taped to the pump.

“Reader broken. Pay inside” scribbled in sharpie.

You sighed and headed inside. 

It was dusty inside too. A couple aisles of brightly packaged food and walls lined with fridges filled with beer and soda. The man behind the counter glanced up from his book when you walked in.

He was handsome. Black with dark, short cut curly hair and big brown eyes. Much too handsome to be working in the middle of nowhere. He’d look more fitting in the corner of a bar, buying you a drink. He smiled up at you and your heart might have skipped a beat. 

“Pump three? How much?” He was English… strange.

“Just…uh… ten bucks.” You stumbled out. 

“It’s the accent,” he chuckled. “It throws everybody off the first time.” 

“It’s a strange place for an Englishman to be, I guess.” You swayed awkwardly. 

“I go to Middlebury. Easier to get a summer job than fly home.” He shrugged. 

“Understandable.” You weren’t an expert on Vermont geography but you swore the college was on the other side of the state. 

“Ten on three.” He said, nodding his head towards the window.

“Oh yeah. Thank you.” 

“You still got to pay, love.”

“Oh fuck, yeah. Sorry… uh… Kyle.” You read his name tag before digging through your tote bag, finding the last bit of your cash.

“No worries. What brings a girl like you out here.”

“I’m working at the camp.”

“Weldon lake, right?”

“Yeah. First time… I’m going the right way, right?”

“If you continue up the road. There will be a sign when you need to turn.” He handed you your receipt. 

“Thank you.” 

“Hey!” You were half way out the door when he called. “Stay alive out there. Heard the campers can be down right evil.”

“I’ll try!”

The rest of the journey was smooth, there was a sign just like Kyle said. Another one after that taking you down a long gravel drive and into a dirt parking lot. A couple other cars were there already. 

You made sure everything important was locked up in the trunk before grabbing your duffel bag and tote. You hoped you brought enough sunscreen. 

The sun was warm on your back as you made your way up to the main building. Two other girls were hanging around on the porch. They each wore matching white baseball shirts with red sleeves and trim, each labeled with STAFF on the back. 

“Hey, you’re Sophia’s friend, right? I’m Janie.” She jumped down from the porch fence. “I love your braids by the way.”

You’d done your hair before leaving, figuring it’d be easier to keep clean braided than fight for limited shower time. 

“I’m Natalie,” The other girl greeted. You introduced yourself, thanking Janie for the compliment.”

“I think your cabin is next to mine. I can take you over once you check in.” Janie said.

Check in was easy enough. Sign a couple more papers, show off your ID to prove you were you and get your cabin assignment, key and two staff shirts. Tomorrow was orientation before the campers arrived Monday morning. Tonight was for getting to know everyone. 

“So, where’s this cabin?” you asked, walking outside.

The girls grinned and led you down the path. Everything seemed to branch off from here. They pointed out where the dining hall was just past the main office next to the nurse’s station.

“Don’t expect much. They’re still recovering from when Covid almost killed this place.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah. They had to raise fees and a bunch of parents freaked out. Guess an extra hundred dollars really threw all the millionaires off.” Natalie laughed. 

Next was the pool, fully fenced in and surrounded by two tennis courts and two basketball courts on either side. 

“Hey lasses!” A man called from the pool, leaning over the chain link fence. Natalie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “Who’s the new girl?”

He had a thick Scottish accent. Lots of transplants for the area, you guessed. He was also handsome. Muscular with a dark mohawk and light eyes. He was shirtless with very short and tight red shorts on and a silver whistle around his neck. He was dripping water over the ground.

“You say that like you aren’t also the new guy, Johnny!” Natalie called, clearly annoyed already. 

“Nat hates him.” Janie giggled. 

“It’s been three hours and he’s already tried to fuck half the counselors. He’s a dog.”

“One I’d put on a leash.” Janie laughed.

Johnny walked over, still dripping wet. His crocs squeaked with every step. 

“Johnny,” he grinned, holding out his hand to you. You introduced yourself as he shook your hand excitedly. He had a tattoo on his side, up by his ribs. You couldn’t see all of it but it looked like a heart with someone’s initials in it. S and something else, you couldn’t tell for sure. “Beautiful name for a beautiful gal.”

Your cheeks felt hot as his blue eyes traveled over your body. 

“It’s going to be a fun seven weeks with all you bonnie lasses around.” He grinned. Nat looped her arm around yours.

“Down dog. We still have half the camp to show off.”

“You know where to find me. Pool looked like the lake when I got here.” He raised his hands up as he walked backwards towards the pool again.

“Come on, before we lose Janie.”

“He’s hot!” She defended. 

“You just like him because he got your name right on the first try.”

“He’s intelligent too!”

The cabins were next. Ten white painted buildings split in half with about eight beds on each side and a shared bathroom in the back. They formed a circle around a fire pit with log benches. 

You had cabin room 14. Janie was the building next door in 15 and Nat with 16 sharing with her. They took turns explaining everything.

“Your bed is the only non bunk and the chest underneath locks so anything you don’t want the campers to find should go there.”

“Basically all your shit. I had a copy of Crime and Punishment stolen last year. Fucking Crime and Punishment like any of these kids could read Dostoevsky.”

“Showers are in the back. Hot water is sparse so if you want some, move quick and early.”

“Breakfast is at 8. Coffee tastes like shit unless you pour half a pound of sugar in it.” 

“You can vape just outside but if you smoke you gotta ask your neighbor counselor to watch your kids. At least thirty feet away or they’ll snitch too.”

“Weed is only for days off because they'll either snitch or demand you share. That goes for kids and counselors.” 

“Days off are randomly assigned but you should get one every other week.”

“I don’t recommend sleeping with other counselors but if you must, go to your car.” Natalie said. 

“We’ll leave you to get settled. Dinner is in an hour. You can meet everyone else then.”

“Thank you guys for everything.” You felt overwhelmed just a bit. 

They left, still arguing about Johnny. He was cute but the break up wounds were still fresh. You didn’t want to sneak around either. You weren’t a teenager anymore.

You haphazardly dumped the contents of your duffle into the lock chest before shoving it back under the bed. You had seven weeks to organize it. 

The bed was okay. A plastic covered mattress with an old sleeping bag. You should have brought your own pillow. Maybe a Target run on your next day off whenever that was. 

The ache in your muscles from driving all day hit hard the moment you sat down. 

There was a knock on the door. 

“Hey sleepyhead!” Sophia came in. You rubbed your face as you woke up. Out the window you could see the sky looked darker, a blue summer evening. “I’m glad you ended up coming.”

“Yeah. Thanks for getting me the job.” You stretched, your shoulders cracking. “It’s nice to get away.” 

“I’m sorry about you and Ale.” There it was. She was nice but always craved gossip. 

“It’s okay. Just wanted different things.”

You shrugged. It wasn’t a bad breakup, no arguing, just a slow and painful demise. He’d even offered to let you stay with him when the lease ended and he found out you didn’t have a place to go. You chose this instead. 

“Well, let’s get you something to eat. The food is incredibly mediocre but I heard a rumor that the lifeguard has beer and weed for the fire pit.”

She was not wrong about dinner. Hot dogs with a slice of Kraft cheese melted on top with a bag of chips as a side. 

You sat with Nat, Sophia and Janie. 

“There are my lovely ladies!” Johnny sat down, forcing his way between Cel and Sophia. Nat looked like she wanted to kill him. “Coming out to the lake tonight? Hope you all brought swim suits or birthday suits.”

“Jesus Christ.” Nat groaned. 

“I think we’re gonna have an easy night. Some of us had long drives.” Sophia motioned to herself and you. “Just some girl time.”

Johnny pouted. 

“Fair enough but I do expect all of you at the bonfire tomorrow.” He pointed at all of them, even Nat. “Especially you new girl.”

He got up and jogged off to another table of girls. 

“Am I allowed to call him a slut?”

“What happened to dog?” Janie asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Dogs can be trained.” 

You all laughed. You’d been worried that you wouldn’t fit in. All the other girls knew each other for years at this point. Janie and Sophia had been coming here since they were kids. Nat met Janie in high school and got a job as a junior counselor with her the first chance they got. 

It wasn’t a super attractive job and the pay was shit but it looked good on resumes and college applications apparently. Showed responsibility. Most of your experiences with camp were from horror films. 

The sun was still out as the four of you walked back. Sophia was your cabin neighbor, taking care of room 13. It’s where you all gathered. 

Sophia and you sat on her bed while she did your nails. 

“Red looks nice on you.” It was a bright cherry red. She’d picked it out, saying they should all match. 

The evening was spent talking and laughing. You asking questions about camp life and getting advice from the other girls. 

You had friends back home but you were glad you fit in so fast. Any anxiety and fear for the Summer slipped away as the sun set. 

“I’m beat.” Nat yawned. It was almost midnight now. Janie agreed and the two wandered off back to their cabin. 

“I’ll head back too. Thank you for being so welcoming, Soph.”

“Absolutely! It’s nice to get fresh meat every once and a while. It can be tough with the kids so some people get jaded. I hope you have fun this Summer and if you don’t you can blame me.” She laughed. 

The air was cool on the little porch out front. Most of the other cabins had their lights off by now and the center was lit up with fireflies, neon yellow dots. 

There was an orange dot out towards the back of one of the cabins across the way. A cigarette. The man smoking it seemed larger than any counselor you’d seen but it was dark and he was half hidden behind the building. It was Johnny’s cabin, you think. He was big. 

He waved and you waved back. He dropped the cigarette and stamped it out. The little corner fell dark and you went into your side.

You didn’t realize how quiet the world could be as you curled up in your sleeping bag. No hum of electronics or cars. No people yelling above or below you. Just the stillness of the stars.

It was an early morning. Johnny was running around the circle of cabins playing music to wake everyone up. He was shirtless again and his shorts seemed shorter than the day before. You wouldn’t complain. 

“So why did you choose this wonderful vista as a summer job?” Johnny asked, jogging up next to you as you made your way to the dining hall. 

“Needed a break. Get out in nature for a bit. I grew up in the suburbs and just broke up with my boyfriend so I guess I wanted to breathe for a bit. You?”

“Running from my previous life of crime.” He smiled. “Nah, just also trying to get away. Was military back home, knee injury did me in. Didn’t know what else to do. Hiked part of the Appliachian trail. You know, it's the same mountain range as the Highlands. Felt like I had to see them. Haven’t really felt like going back home yet.”

“You hiked alone?” You raised an eyebrow. You knew that it was one of the longest and hardest trails in the country. 

“Had a mate with me but I’m on my lonesome now.” He opened the door for you. Sure, he was boisterous but he seemed harmless one on one. Maybe a little dogish but he wasn’t going to hump your leg unprompted. 

“Shirts are needed in the dining hall, Mactavish!” Sophia called. He held up his hands in surrender before fishing out a cropped muscle tee that had been shoved into his pocket. It was a nice change of pace to be around a man that wanted to show off his own skin rather than try to get girls to show theirs. 

You told yourself before you got here that you wouldn’t look for that kind of distraction. It wasn’t worth it, especially not this early. You could look though. No harm in that. 

Bacon, Eggs and self-serve cereal was today’s breakfast. You joined back up with the girls from last night. Orientation was supposed to take up most of the day so they encouraged you to grab a couple pieces of fruit and a protein bar.

“Only fill up your water bottle in here. There are fountains elsewhere but I think they taste weird.” Said Janie. 

You were put in a group with Johnny, Sophia, and another guy named Warren. He and Sophia were long term counselors so they gladly took on the role of being you and Johnny’s tour guide. Johnny had been hired because of his lifeguard training so he already knew the layout of the lake and pool. You were scolded for not having proper shoes for hiking.

“What’s your size? I might have an old pair in my car.” Sophia offered. “If not I think there’s an L.L.Bean like two hours away. We can go on our next day off.”

You weren’t sure if you could afford brand new boots so silently hoped that Sophia did have that old pair and they fit. 

“Don’t want ya getting blisters all summer.” Johnny said. He was doing the hike in crocs but apparently did have boots back at his cabin. 

You didn’t do the full trail but Warren pointed out the different routes and how difficult each one was and which ones kids could do by themselves and which ones they couldn’t. The fields were next. A soccer field and baseball field were across the way from the cabins. It was a loose definition of each. One was a huge patch of grass and the other a diamond of dirt. Both looked a little off size wise. There was the sports supply shed that had all the equipment in it. Only a couple counselors had keys to it.

“People kept using it inappropriately.” Sophia smiled.

There was the art building, the rec hall, a path leading towards the archery field and riflery field.

“Riflery?”

“Yeah. We used to teach kids how to shoot. Mostly clay pigeons but it was one of the programs cut after Covid,” Warren explained. 

“Shame I missed it. Could have taught the kids trick shots.” Johnny joked, pretending to aim a rifle backwards over his shoulder. 

The horse stable was also closed. Too expensive to have horses here for even half the season. 

The Lake was the last part of the tour. It was on the other side of the road so to get there was an underpass to get there. It was large enough for five adults to walk side by side comfortably but the yellow light from the lamps gave it a sickly vibe. 

It ended a little ways before the beach. There were several rows of Kayaks and another shed filled with life preservers and paddles. 

“Wow Johnny! You cleaned it up well.” Warren clapped him on the back. For a moment Johnny looked irritated that he’d been touched but he shoved that emotion out of the way to make room for his usual excited self. 

“Yeah. Cleaned up the best I could.”

“It looks great, Johnny.” You were impressed. He’d even sprayed the kayaks down, bright clean plastic in a rainbow of colors.

“Yer making me blush.” He laid a hand over his heart. 

The lake was gorgeous. Cream colored sand feeding into sapphire waters. You could just see the beach on the other side, a small empty dock with a path leading into the woods. The camp side had a floating platform about thirty feet into the water. 

“Campers have to swim there and back to pass the swimming competency test.” Sophia explained. “If you can’t swim on your own you’re stuck in the buoyed area.” 

There was a ten by ten foot area cordoned off by buoys, keeping to the shallow end of the lake. Made enough sense. No one wanted to fish a dead kid out of the water.

“Let’s head back. We don’t want to miss lunch.” Warren clapped his hands together. 

The four of you made the trek back to the dining hall. You did feel like blisters were starting to form on the back of your ankles. You’d have to put band-aids on them later. 

The rest of the afternoon was spent going over itinerary for the following week. Campers would arrive tomorrow between ten and six. It was a day mostly planned out for settling them in with an inaugural bonfire that night. After that it was seven weeks of regular old American camp adventures. 

You went back to your cabin the moment you had free time. Your ankles hadn’t started to bleed but they were bright red and throbbing. You applied the bandaids and grabbed another pair of socks to wear the rest of the way. 

There was about an hour and half before dinner and final orientation from the camp managers, who, you had been told, often made themselves scarce throughout the summer to avoid having to do their jobs. You settled on top of your sleeping bag. A nice breeze came in through the screen door. Janie had told you that it was the best way to keep the building cool.  

You thought about Ale. His smile and deep laugh. How he’d wake you up in the morning with kisses to the back of your neck. How he loved your hair and ass. How he’d whisper in Spanish to you. You still had the English/Spanish dictionary he gave you shoved in a box back in the city. You missed him. Your cowboy. He would have been so disappointed to hear the stables were closed. Maybe you’d call him after all this. Ask to work something out. 

You drifted off daydreaming about the scent of his cologne.

“Bonnie! You’re gonna miss dinner!” Johnny was knocking on the screen door. Maybe Nat was right in being annoyed by him all the time. 

“I’ll just miss it.” you sighed, rolling over on the bed. 

“You never know which meal is your last. Best not to skip any! C’mon or I’ll drag ya myself.”

You would have thrown a pillow if you had one. How did he always have so much energy?

He jogged literal circles around you on the way to the dining hall.

“How are your feet?” he asked.

“Huh?”

“You were limping on the way back to the cabins earlier.”

“Oh…yeah just blisters.”

He tutted at you. 

“Got to get you some good shoes soon.”

Dinner was the same hot dogs as the previous night with a bonus of a bowl of lettuce, cherry tomatoes and a slice of cucumber. 

There was an excited energy in the room. Most people who’d snuck in alcohol or drugs said tonight was the best night to use it all. An unspoken competition of who could drink the most and still function when the first campers started to arrive. It could be fun, you mused. You were never a big partier in college and what was this if not a perfect chance to make up for that. 

The boys built up a nice fire, each poking and prodding their own side with their favorite stick. You sat on one of the log benches next to Sophia and Janie. Johnny was across the fire, his arm around the waste of another girl counselor. Ceilidh you think it was. Pronounced like Kay-lee, she’d said. Pretty name, Gaelic. Made sense for him to go after a piece of home.

“Glad he’s finally left us alone.” Nat chuckled. 

“I think they’re cute.” Sophia said. You pushed down the twinge of jealousy you felt seeing her giggle at his joke. 

Warren came around with a cooler filled with a hodgepodge of beer. He was his fraternity’s president and one of his responsibilities was to get rid of any extra at the end of the term to avoid trouble. Dry campus issues. 

You grabbed a Modelo. Ale’s old go to and one you’d gotten used to drinking. It left a familiar warm feeling in your stomach.

You drank, you danced, you ate s’mores, you laughed with your new friends. The stars seemed so bright and clear out here. Janie had you all lay out on your backs in the grass nearby as she pointed out each constellation.

“That’s the big dipper and above it is the little dipper but Draco is the constellation between them. If you guys tell me your star signs I can point it out for you.”

There was laughter nearby and you glanced up to see Johnny and Ceilidh sneaking in the dark towards her cabin. 

You had another beer. And another. Maybe one more after that. 

Someone offered you a hit off a joint so you did that too. 

The four of you were laughing and stumbling back to Sophia’s cabin. You had no idea how late it was. The fire was dying out. Warren said he would make sure everyone got back inside all right. The designated driver of drunken counselors. He was a good guy. 

You found yourself laying on your side on one of the empty beds. Sophia and Janie were on her bed, half asleep against each other. Nat and you were talking about your childhoods. 

“I broke a bone three years in a row, each time in May. I missed field day every time. My mom once pulled me around in a wagon so I wouldn’t feel left out,” She laughed. 

“How did you break so many bones?”

“Catholic school where the playground was just a parking lot. I was a wild kid. I broke my arm tripping and falling against the priest’s car. I dented it too. I thought I was going to hell.”

There was a shrill noise. Loud and stomach dropping. A scream cut off. You and the other girls all jumped to attention. It was silent except for the crackling of the fire outside. 

“Fisher cat.” Janie said, trying to convince herself.

“Or a fox.” Sophia added. 

“Did you guys hear that?” Warren said, coming in. 

The four of you nodded.

“It sounded close. I’m gonna check it out.”

“By yourself?”

“One of the other guys is gonna come with me. It’s probably just an animal. If you see Johnny tell him to go check on everyone. I want a headcount before we all go to sleep.”

You all watched from the window as Warren met another guy holding a flashlight and a baseball bat. Sophia turned on the porch light. They disappeared between the cabin’s across the way. 

“Johnny and Celilidh went off together. Should we try to find them?” Sophia offered. 

“Maybe we should just stay here. Safety in numbers.” Janie answered. 

“Safety from what? It was just an animal.” Nat insisted. 

“Didn’t sound like an animal.” You thought. No one else would say it but you were all thinking it. A slide show of clips from horror films played through your mind. 

Four sets of eyes darted around, looking out windows and the front door, waiting for some masked killer to seep through the walls.

Bang!

You all screamed as Johnny flew through the door, clutching his stomach. 

“We have to go now!” He grunted. Blood was pouring between his fingers.

“Oh my god. What happened? Where’s Ceilidh?”

“Dead… fuck.. She’s fucking dead. Fucker came in through the window in the bathroom. I tried to fight him off. I’m sorry.” He gulped. “We have to go now!”

“You’re bleeding. Please let me look.” Janie reached out and he pushed her hand away. 

“Don’t have time. We have to go. Get my car keys. I can fit us all.”

“What about everyone else?” You asked. There was so much blood, it was dripping on the floor now. 

“I don’t know… when..when’s the last time you saw anyone?”

There was another scream from outside. Silence took you over again.

“Please… we can get out and get help but we have to go now.” Johnny pleaded. His bright blue eyes were watery and his tan skin was stained red down his legs. 

“I’m going.” Sophia said, grabbing her backpack. “Fuck this. I’m not fucking dying like it’s a movie. We’re all going. Johnny, do you need help?”

“No, I can manage. I need to get my keys though.”

“I have mine. We can just take my car. It’s an SUV.” Sophia urged, crouching down to look out of the door.

“No…no…I…I uh…I have a gun in my car.”

“You brought a fucking gun to camp?” Nat’s jaw dropped. 

“Old shotgun. It works. I’m trained for this. Get to the car and I… I can kill him.”

“You’re bleeding out, Johnny.” Janie cried, reaching for him again and once again being pushed away. 

“Come with me.” Johnny looked at you.

“I…I…I don’t know.” You were shaking. It didn’t seem real. Too cliche. A real life spree killer running around the woods of a Summer camp. Sophia was right, you didn’t want to die like it was some movie. 

“He knows I’m weak. He’ll go after me first. We’ll get my keys and if he shows up… you take them and run.”

“You..can’t sacrifice yourself.” Your voice warbled.

“It was my job to do that. If I can’t die saving my country, I’d like to die saving a group of pretty girls.”

Johnny was pleading. He seemed to know he couldn’t do it on his own. You thought about Ale saying you needed to stand up for yourself more. You never did. You didn’t stand up to bullies in high school, rogue professors in college or shitty demeaning bosses. You didn’t even stand up for yourself when Ale said he wanted a break. 

Nat was saying how you should all just run to Sophia’s car. She had her keys. Sophia was agreeing. Janie was crying silently. 

“I’ll go.” You forced the words out like vomit. It was that or actual vomit.

“Okay.” He almost smiled. “Sophia, turn off the lights. We’ll give you a signal when it's safe to come out. Then we all run to the parking lot.”

“What’s the signal?” Janie sobbed.

“I’ll whistle.”

You were shaking so much you worried you’d fall right down the front steps of the cabin. Johnny was in front of you, shoulders hunched up, his eyes darting everywhere. Sophia turned off the lights, leaving the two of you in near darkness. The fire was nothing more than orange smoldering logs. 

“You seem like you’ve done this before.” You said quietly, finding yourself holding the bottom hem of his shirt. 

“Like I said. It was my job.”

You walked on your tiptoes, trying not to make any noise. Your heart cried for the others. Even if you didn’t know them. You didn’t hear or see anyone. Maybe they all got out? They escaped already…or the killer was chasing them deeper into the woods.

You didn’t want to die. In the movies it always seemed so prolonged. The stabbings and bleeding out. Johnny had been hurt and he was still going on, trying to save you and everyone else. 

“Stay here. I’ll go check to make sure it's clear.” He said. You’d made it to his cabin, whole body still shaking just on his porch now. Your heart leapt into your throat as the door creaked open. 

“Be careful, please.”

He winked at you before heading in. You picked at the skin around your nails, a nasty old habit that you tried so hard to kick. You could forgive yourself for this relapse. It seemed an appropriate time to scratch out anxiety.

The step behind you creaked. Any light from the fire was blocked out. A arm wrapped around your neck and pulled you flush with a wall of muscle. You screamed for Johnny as a knife cut into your stomach.

It hurt worse than you thought it would. He was stabbing you over and over. All those movies and none prepared you for the sound that came from being stabbed yourself. The rush of blood in your head. You kicked and scratched the best you could, catching the gap of skin between his gloves and sleeves. Flesh caught under your nails and tore. The knife cut sideways across your stomach. Something wet and heavy hit the floor by your feet.

“Fucking cunt.” The man growled. You could have thrown up if it didn’t feel like your stomach had been torn open. 

You hit the porch face first, no strength left to even try to hold yourself up. Blood pooled in your mouth. He stepped around you and in the corner of your eye you could make him out. 

Large, well over six feet and bulky with large shoulders. A half skull mask covered the top part of his face. His head was buzzed. He had a hunting knife in his hand and it dripped your blood onto the wood and onto your face. 

“Johnny!” Your killer called. You’d doomed him too. He could have gotten away. Johnny would die and it would be your fault. They all would now and it was your fault. 

You closed your eyes as the throbbing subsided. You didn’t want to listen. He was so nice. He didn’t deserve it.

You didn’t deserve this. 

You closed your eyes and let yourself slip away. 

You heard music. Loud obnoxious music and singing from an off key baritone scot.

You opened your eyes and you were in your sleeping bag in your cabin. It was Sunday morning again. 

Shout out to @ceilidho for being an inspiration to me to write darker fics and letting me use her name for a counselor.

[dreamyysouls]

bewitched

hitoshi shinsou x gn!reader

synopsis: hitoshi as your boyfriend.

cw: purely a drabble, headcanons, no caps, kinda long, fluff

hitoshi has never loved anyone as much as he loves you, and he makes sure to show it.

he is an absolute sweetie pie.

he buys things for you constantly, whether it’s a drink from a vending machine or a pretty necklace you pointed out while shopping together.

“this was so expensive, hitoshi! you didn’t have to.”

“i just thought you would appreciate it.”

hitoshi LIVES for cuddles and physical touch with you.

things like holding your hand, his arms lingering around you while he hugs you send a warm feeling straight to his heart.

his hugs are tight, but in a good way.

once he pulls you in, you aren’t escaping until he lets go.

“toshi, we’ve been sitting here for three minutes…”

“don’t act like you don’t like it.”

loves kisses. quick ones, long ones, steamy ones. it doesn’t matter what kind.

he whines when you pull away before he wanted to finish.

“no, come back, love…i wasn’t done yet..”

you give in every time, but how could you say no? 

hitoshi will dote over you for the smallest things.

a cat scratches you? he’s ready with bandaids and anti-infection cream.

if you ever are seriously injured, he would be right at your side making sure you had everything you needed.

same thing goes for when you’re sick — he’s not a nurse, but will most definitely turn into one for you.

he would drop everything for you in a heartbeat.

you would have to force him to go to at least one class. even that was a difficult task.

“i care too much to leave you here alone.”

hitoshi notices the little things about you.

the little twinkle your eyes get while teasing, the way your eyebrows furrow as you figure out a math problem, the slump in your shoulders after a long day. he sees it all.

he doesn’t just know your mannerisms, he knows you.

he definitely has a little folder on his phone so he remember all of the things you like

the color of jewelry you wear? in the folder. your favorite sanrio character? in the folder.

he cares for you so much, and shows it in all the ways he knows how to.

hitoshi loves spending time with you.

he makes an effort to take you out when you’re both free, considering your busy schedules.

there is a cat cafe you both frequent. the cats there are the sweetest and are always eager to see the two of you walk through the doors.

whenever he can get the money to, he will take you out for a nice dinner. not to mention, it gives him an excuse to put on that fancy top that you like.

he loves aquarium dates. he enjoys how you two could admire the animals in silence, his hand wrapped around your body as he holds you close.

hitoshi also loves the simple hangouts you share.

he will rot with you when you both just need a recharge. you’ll snuggle in his arms, your favorite tv show playing on your laptop as his fingers rub circles on your arm.

okay but…he loves dress to impress.

saw you playing it one day and asked to try…he’s been addicted since.

definitely will buy you (and himself) vip if you don’t have it already.

(i could go on about this all day)

his outfits eat i fear..

“how did that win??! this game is rigged.”

you guys cook and bake together late at night

he will place flour on your nose while you’re mixing ingredients, then say he needed somewhere to wipe his hand off.

“we have napkins for a reason.”

“your face was appealing to me.”

you both eat so much raw cookie dough it’s concerning.

hitoshi reminds you how beautiful you are. every day.

without fail, he will find some way to point out your beauty.

sometimes it’s blatant, and others it’s subtle.

he’ll compliment how your hair looks, how pretty your smile is, or simply stare at you for a little longer than normal.

he calls you beautiful as a pet name. you can’t tell me he wouldn’t.

“have i told you how gorgeous you look in that top?”

“many times, toshi. thank you.”

he admires your inner beauty and the way your kindness still shines through in the dark.

he may not mention it, but he loves the way that you love him.

he feels seen by you, in a way he has never felt in his life. you are his rock, just as he is yours.

hitoshi shinsou is completely head over heels for you in every way possible.

a/n: hey guys!! i am a thought daughter and this is a result of that. i love this man very much, and so do the other 8 shinsou fans 🙏🙏 as always hope you enjoyed and if you did please leave a like and reblog!! my requests are open if you would like me to write something :)) get lots of sleep and drink lots of water!! love ya!!

[angry-tarot]

a message from your pain

talking about suffering is hard, but ultimately necessary. welcome to this pac, I am here to shed light on your wounds in ways that are helpful. by the way, sorry if the artwork is triggering, I tried to find the perfect ones that really encapsulate what deep pain and despair feel like, but the messages might be more soothing than the pics lol.

welcome to your reading ! just wanted to say thanks in advance for stopping by 🫡

Pile one 🖤

You're putting your sword down. Confrontation is a no no for you, isn't it? You rather die than pick up a fight again. You swallow your words, your boundaries are non existent, you're constantly on edge and anxious. Hear me out, pile one. When you're putting your sword down, you're not actually putting it down. You're shoving it right in your own stomach. I'm not telling you to become angry and start fighting everyone around you. But if you keep quiet, taking it all in, you're going to become sick. You want to keep the peace, but not your peace. You want to keep yourself small, not bothersome, for these people's comfort. If talking to the people around you is so conflict inducing, why bother having these people around at all? If your boundaries aren't heard or even allowed to be set, why bother having these people around you AT ALL? If you must live with them, consider moving somewhere more peaceful, like a family member. Take action if your words aren't welcomed. Leave. Remove yourself. Stop taking in poison, because the longer you do, the longer the healing will take. You're already feeling awful. Your suffering exist because you feel obligated to be around people who hurt you and demand you to be silent. Set yourself free. And don't try to talk to them about it. You will have to unpack all of this on your own, or with other people who will understand and hear you. Process everything you buried deep within you by journaling, speaking out loud, punching a pillow. Just let it all out. Short them you will have to slowly heal from all this crystalized, internalized abuse. Long term, recognize this pattern: whenever you feel the need to be quiet to not bother someone else, leave, and never go back to the people who did this to you.

Pile two 🖤

Oh, your pile actually resonates with the pic you chosen. I see an artist, a creative or someone who does something out of the norm. You could even be a witch, like me. The thing is, you have internalized a lot of criticism, and no longer feel as passionate as you did before. You want to create and be who you were before, but you lost your drive and motivation. It seems a lot of conflict used to exist or still exists because of your hobby, career or spirituality, and you felt like it lost the point. You could've tried to prove something to these people, you could've tried to argue, and nothing worked. Even your own progress wasn't matching to your expectations. So what if they were right? Your spark died, but now that you have worked so hard, it's hard to let go. It became your personality, it used to be your comfort, but now there's only a shadow of what it used to be. I'm not going to tell you whether you keep going or not, this is your decision. But you can regain the spark if you want to. But try to protect it better this time, whatever it is that you do. Hide it, if it is possible. Avoid taking about it to people who are committed to misunderstanding you. And go backwards. Reconnect with it, by understanding what made you so fascinated and entranced by it in the beginning. Maybe, that vision is no longer appealing, and if so, create another one. Restart from scratch, but have a vision, just like you did in the beginning. Say to yourself you are committed to falling in love again with your craft, if that's what you choose. If not, it's always ok to let it go. You can always find another something to be passionate about.

Pile three 🖤

Someone taught you that money was the only thing in life. That it defined your worth and value as a person. That nothing else was as important. That your safety was defined by the amount of money you had, from a young age or a very vulnerable period in your life. So your mind attached to the idea that if you didn't had money, you were in mortal danger, you were worthless and a nobody. Your relationship with money, regardless of how much you have or not, is distorted. You could be stable and still feel like it's not enough, or you could be just starting in adulthood and feeling very scared of the future. Money is important, yes. But it's exactly this fear, this pressure, this feeling like your life depends on it, it's paralyzing you, it's traumatizing and deeply agonizing. What will help you is basically lots of cbt. Ever heard of catastrophizing? Cognitive distortions? These could be playing a large role on your mindset and consequently, the amount of money you're able to make. These tools of cbt can help you relax and see things a bit more rationally. Since it's personal to each of you, I cannot fix your fears, but I can give you some of my tools for you to fix them yourself.

[overandundertarot]

On Loop 🔄

What's the cycle you keep perpetuating, and how can you finally break free?

pick a picture(1-2,3-4) to select your pile.

PILE ONE: King of Pentacles, Knight of Wands reversed, Ace of pentacles reversed, Knight of pentacles reversed.

I get the sense that this pile is a succesful pile of people. If someone looks at your life from an outsiders perspective they'd think its all chocolate and rainbows. You work hard and play hard. The fruits of your labour are obvious. You love to adorn yourself with your success. But despite this there's always a sense of what else? What's next? Is this it? You work towards success. Material gains. But you don't work towards your own satisfaction. You don't know your passions, your creative talents. You've neglected them. Sometimes you may find yourself sick of the people and environment around you. It feels like there's no deeper meaning. Make money and go out, next day repeat. This is the pile of people who may go on to have a life story such as being a successful business person who made a six figure salary but quit it all to become a bookseller in rural Italy.

How can you break out of this cycle?

Well, the answer is pretty obvious. You have to stop prioritisng money and monetary gain. You are too attached to money, so much so that you LIVE for money. You just can't let go of the comfort it gives you, the esteem, the safety. You are also too attached to 'productivity'. You may be really into hustle culture. If you're not working, who are you? To break out of this cycle you need to separate your identity from productivity, finances, career. Who are YOU? What do you like to do to relax? How do you indulge yourself? If you had a whole month purely to yourself, no obligations, what would you do? How would you spend your time? Essentially you need to start devoting your time and energy to yourself RADICALLY. Even if it makes no sense, even if it feels scary, even if it makes you feel lazy.

PILE TWO; Death, Queen of cups, Two of swords.

This is funny to me because usually when people have to break out of a loop, change is involved. They have to break out of something, introduce a new habit and do something different. However for you the loop you have been perpetuating is the change. Particularly of a healing type. I feel like youre always trying to climb the mountain to look into the horizon; whats next for me? How more can I improve? How more can I heal? What spiritual practice should I look into next? I feel like this is not even a distraction tactic, its just in your nature to always be curious; to always be applying yourself. But this loop is bringing dissatisfaction in your life. The energy from this pile is calm and inspiring, like a refreshing dive into a lake, or the sound of rushing water. You may be the therapist friend in your friendgroup or the one that always seems to have got it together. Also, for a lot of people in this life, you jump from relationship to relationship too quickly, you fall in love easily but also fall out of love easily. The relationships end amicably and it seems that you remain friends with these people long after.

How can you break out of this cycle?

Whatever the change may be; love, location, hobbies, healing and growth. You should allow yourself to grow roots somewhere, at the very least you should think about it. What are your requirements for setting up station in a place? What is needed for you to be somewhere long term in a way that can still appeal to your needs? Allow yourself to think about this, allow yourself to grow. By changing so constantly you did not allow yourself to reach the full potential of what you applied yourself to do. There's something here about backward procceses as well. Let me use the example of finding love, travelling to get away from that love and then doing the whole process again in the new location. But on top of that, going to the starting point again and renewing the whole process. Kind of like running in circles. There is something at the core that you are looking for in all these changes. And you just have to dig a little deeper to find it; it is with you and closer than you might have ever expected. There are somethings around you that you are not seeing or taking for granted.

PILE THREE; King of wands, Two of wands reversed, Ace of wands, Five of wands reversed.

This is a fiery, ambitious pile. You could be leos or have a strong solar influence. Pile three you are ambitious, but that ambition feels like it leads you nowhere. The cycle you're perpetuating feels like its out of your control. I feel you change your ideas to accomodate other people, trying to make them more appealing to others. Maybe you feel that other people don't understand your point of view and you want to make it digestable to them. You feel that you should be a leader or you feel constantly pushed in that direction without actually being able to measure up. Well, you have these inspiring qualities, but you are focusing too much on your reception and other people. Has any of the work you've produced appealed to you truly? You're meant to shine, if other people don't understand you, maybe that's part of your appeal. There is a lack of momentum, a blockage of the flow. The cycle is that no matter how much you try; you do not produce results.

How to break out of this cycle?

The ace of wands is obvious enough. Get inspired! Be somebody you are proud of. Do things that please and appeal to you regardless of what other people think. Be the first person to credit yourself, and if necessary don't feel ashamed to be the only person to do so. The opinion of other people is important to you, because you crave the spotlight, you want to be seen and appreciated but you have to get comfortable with the reality that this will not always be the case. There are internal blocks to work through. You'll have to be in conflict with yourself. Everytime you doubt yourself or think of what you are capable of as too simple or 'basic', you have to fight yourself. Loudly dissaprove of that, show even the simplest of your work and gass yourself up for it. Let's take an example of an artist. To you, you may be the worst artist in the world but to someone else, your art has value. In this situation don't change your artsyle to fit the mainstream or hinder yourself from showcasing your art and showing it to other people, sending it to magazines etc just because you hate it. They may love it and it could be the thing that propels you to fame. Or maybe it was a drawing that only took 5 minutes to draw so you think it needed more effort than the time it took so you scrap it. But it was a good drawing that was suitable for presentation. You have to treat yourself like you're the shit!! Affirmations may work for you. I feel that something as simple as; 'I am awesome' may have an effect on you. 'I am beautiful.' 'I am amazing.' 'I am kind.' 'My work is good.' 'I did great!' Do you even tell yourself these things? Build self confidence, don't be ashamed to be perceived as pridefull.

PILE FOUR: The moon, Knight of pentacles, The lovers, Seven of cups.

Confusion, illusion. You're hopping from one idea to the next. I think you're the type of person who has very good ideas. And you work on them, in the beggining but then abandon them for your next one. You want something that is going to sustain your attention. Something that will feel like your true calling. It seems you feel that you can only work when motivated. There is a lack of discipline. Some of you are talking to people? Or hoping for communications from people and you are working very hard for them to help you. But its for nothing, their promises are lies. I have a feeling you know this but are still holding on to the hope. For some of you, this looks like constantly signing up for dating apps or websites and being ghosted. Also, being a people pleaser and trying so hard for people who don't care about you. Either way, there is self deceit involved in your situation. You don't have a clear view of your reality and are operating on grounds of your assumptions being true when they are not.

How can you break out of this loop?

Keep dreaming, but be more discerning about it. When you find yourself held within one of your hyper fixations, know that this is not the end all be all. Possibly, keep working on all those things at the same time. You will eventually come to see that one of them is one that you can do well and enjoy at the same time. The one that strikes the perfect balance. Keep the fact that you always have other options available at the back of your mind. Also, there is advice to put in the work, but the slow boring, grueling work. Particularly when it comes to a project or a person. Steady progress is what will help break you out of the cycle because its something you haven't seen much of. For those who are going through this cycle with romantic interests, the partner who makes you feel steady and is reliable is the best one for you. Even though they may not necessarily be the most 'exciting' option. This isn't to say that you should settle with someone just because they fit the description. But assess your partners more keenly and look past passion and into what you actually need from a relationship and who can provide that.

****

That's all! I haven't posted a PAC in a while so it felt really good to work on this and post this. If you liked the reading feel free to like the post and reblog! If you'd like to book a private reading with me, send me a dm or check out my private readings post in my masterlist pinned on my page!

[ardri-na-bpiteog]

The thing about a lot of rental regulations and the way property owners approach protections for tenants is that they're often coming from a place of some sort of theoretical balance between landlords and tenants. This appeals to landlords, but it's monumentally fucked from an actual like...moral or human rights standpoint because the landlord is always going to be in a position of power relative to a tenant because they control access to housing which is a basic human need.

Notice periods for example. A lot of places require both tenants and landlords to provide notice when terminating a lease. To some people, this sounds "fair" but in reality there is no reason to require a tenant to give notice when leaving. Particularly in situations such as where I currently live that if you've been in the same rental accommodation for awhile, you can have to give well over a month's notice to your landlord when moving out. Yet at the same time, most other landlords want you to move in immediately and will turn down applicants who can't move in right away.

You can give your notice before you start searching for a new apartment, but then you run the risk that if you don't find something by the time your notice period ends, you are homeless and your landlord has a new tenant ready to move in. This risk is especially high in a situation like the current housing crisis where you very well may not be able to find a new apartment in a month.

It makes far more sense for a tenant to be allowed to terminate a lease whenever they find a new place with minimal notice. At worst for the landlord, the apartment is empty for a couple of weeks and they "lose" money (really only actually losing money if they still have a mortgage on it. If they own it outright then they're just not getting free money from it at the moment. Either way, it's their responsibility to set aside money for such possible expenses). At worst for the tenant, they are kicked out and have nowhere to live.

This is why any sort of equivalence between tenants and landlords is stupid and the pro-landord take of "there are bad tenants too!!" or "landlords should be able to more freely evict people to get rid of tenants who don't pay/cause damage!!!" is a bad take.

There will never be any sort of equivalence as long as the worst case scenario for the landlord is that they have to spend some money and the worst case scenario for the tenant is that they are literally homeless.

[koolades-world]

Obey me! brothers and their secondary sin w/ sin swap

Ok hear me out. Each of the brothers has their primary sin, obviously. It’s what caught my attention to the game in the first place. After all, dating the avatars of the seven deadly sins is pretty eye catching

However, after playing the game for about a year now and really digging into the lore of the brothers, I can’t help but notice some patterns. At the beginning of the game, I actually kept thinking Levi was the avatar of greed from the way he behaved.

As I was writing it, it made less and less sense to me and sounded more stupid but hopefully y'all think it makes sense

Lucifer’s second sin is lust.

Half a joke, but have you seen this man?? He oozes sex appeal. Makes you wonder just how many demons or people have thrown themselves at him just for him to push them all away. Who wouldn't want to date him? He could have anybody, he just needed to say the word. He claims he has no desires, but he just hides them away very well, as shown by the hellfire newt syrup incident. All he needs is to be a little more free and a little less afraid of word getting out. Asmo probably claims it takes years off his face lol

Would still be very diligent and do his duties, but half the time that door is locked, he's probably getting it on

Not sure if it would be the same person or people, or different people, just depends on him

Overall, I think he would be able the same. Lucifer is Lucifer after all

Mammon’s second sin is envy.

Mammon loves his money, but greed and envy are usually a package deal. It's difficult for me to explain, but someone who is greedy is usually envious and vice versa. Greed and envy run close together since Mammon gets out more, envy would have a larger impact on his life. Not to say that Levi isn’t jealous, but it’s easier to not get envious when you’re not in you’re room all day, every day.

Not much change. Would definitely get matching jewelry with Mc, with his name on it if possible if they didn’t already

Not that he liked sharing before, but he won't budge for anyone now

Don’t even think about touching Mc, like don’t even look at them

Levi’s second sin is greed.

Like I said before, I actually though Levi was greed at first. I learnt pretty quickly who was who after a week or so of playing. Levi is envious and does not want to share Mc, which is greed. I’m starting to think Mammon and Levi argue so much because they’re so similar.

Overall, not much would change, like Mammon

Would be less inclined to share, which does extend to Mc to an extent

Definitely finds ways to keep Mc with him “accidentally”

Satan’s second sin is gluttony.

This was actually the easiest for me to match. He’s not hungry per say, but he’s hungry for knowledge. He reads lots of fiction books, be he also reads lists of nonfiction books. The amount of stuff he must know is insane. His brothers are smart too, but what sets them apart is that he is always actively seeking it out. He is always seen with a book in hand, so he’s always learning something. On top of that, there’s also school so he’s learning there too. Part of me thinks he wants to learn so much is to learn more about himself and to be better/more knowledgeable than Lucifer

Despite me saying it was the easiest to match Satan to gluttony it’s also the hardest for me to imagine him as a traditional gluttony demon

Probably uses this to his advantage in a way to read more, since he’s always reading while eating and now they can’t stop him because then he’ll go on a rampage

Probably still just as clean and tidy as before, so absolutely no food in his room. Midnight stacks stay in the kitchen

Probably also sees this as a bit of a break. Like he can just walk around without getting mad at how that demon’s face looks

Asmo’s second sin is sloth. I almost gave him both wrath and pride, but eventually settled for sloth. He’s never actually blown up in game and hasn’t tried to kill Mc (I think) but the things he’s says sometimes are incredibly threatening and are scarier coming from him than from Satan. Like that one time he was like “if you ever lie to me again I’m going to rip out your heart out to see if your heart is telling the truth” and he was giving this dead serious scary look I nearly shit myself. He’s also incredibly vane and will kill anyone who disagrees, which means he’s very prideful. It’s a different kind of pride than Lucifer, but it is pride nonetheless. I gave him sloth in the end because he's perfectly content with letting everything come to him. He likes partying, yes, and he has his skincare routine while Belphie does not, but Belphie is sloth to the most extreme. If he was allowed, he would probably have people do everything for him.

If Asmo was a sloth demon, he would have people do everything for him. Dress him, do his makeup, feed him

He would still dress cute, and love partying but all the parties would have to come to him

Online shopping would become his best friend

He would probably love devilgram more since it’s convenient and easy

Beel’s second sin is pride.

While he doesn't care much what other people say about him, he cares very much about his family. A single wrong word about any of his brothers, or god forbid, his sister, you are guaranteed to go flying through the nearest wall. His family is the thing most important to him. He's proud of them and everything they've done, and is very supportive. Lucifer is the same way and they both display it in a quiet way. I don't know if there's a word for being prideful on the behalf of others.

Expect him to be much more possessive

He's the same but this man will not take shit anymore

Someone looks at you wrong? sorry babe it's other side of hell for them. Someone making fun of you (why they would do that when you know the brothers is a death wish)? You’ll never see them again unless you find their head on the RAD flagpole

Belphie’s second sin is wrath.

This demon has major issues. Ever since the fall, he's been mad. Mad mostly at humanity, probably a little bit at himself. All he has wanted to do is get revenge on humanity for what they did to his sister. He might seem like a cute, sleepy demon, but there's so much boiling under the surface. He literally strangled Mc, for crying out loud. Just because he likes Mc doesn't mean he likes other humans or has forgiven humanity as a matter of fact. Only second to Satan since he was literally born of rage

I imagine Belphie almost as normal but a lot more irritable. If you are not Beel, do not wake him up from a nap and expect him to be happy

I feel as if pranks towards Lucifer are a way to channel his rage so either they would ramp up times one hundred or disappear altogether because he would be bullying Lucifer in other ways LOL

His grades would probably become even better than Satan’s and Lucifer’s since Satan and Lucifer actually try and Belphie can do the same without effort. Without sleeping 24/7 he would have more time to put in more effort

I want to write a longer fic about the brothers with these swapped sins and/or take a deeper dive into how each brother does or doesn't display each sin since I love character analysis :)

I think it would also be interesting just to break down what it is to be a demon of a certain sin, not just the brothers specifically

[big-mean-trans-dyke]

How elections work now: Whoever has the most money to throw at a campaign and is willing to lie through their teeth to appeal to the Lowest Common Denominator wins.

How elections will work in the future: If a transfem is interested in the position, she wins it by default. If more than one are interested, they engage in friendly debate and the final decision is made democratically by any transfems in the relevant area.

If no transfem is interested in running, cuntgirl candidates will be considered. Cis men have, of course, proven they're incapable of running things properly.

From the surface, these elections will look similar to the way they do now, with candidates announcing platforms, putting out ads, hosting parties, and the like. The specifics, though, will look a little different.

Platforms will, of course, center most significantly on trans rights. Does this candidate support putting into effect a bill that turns denying a transfem free service from a misdemeanor into a felony? Maybe she's running on a campaign that makes any form of sexual assault by a trans woman legal? Maybe it's something a little more tame, like increasing the weekly equalization payments by another few thousand dollars per transfem.

Politics is such a beauty contest these days anyway, I think we may as well lean into that. Ads won't bother with the pretense of any messaging, if anyone's interested they can look into the platform a candidate is running on themselves. I look forward to seeing political candidates degrading themselves like whores, blown up larger than life and plastered on the sides of buses.

And of course, that all-important voter engagement. Door-knocking is such an important part of any political campaign. Transfems, look forward to any local political candidates showing up at your door, plastered with cum, cock on their breath, clothes torn to scraps and a fierce blush on their faces. After all, proving to individual voters that you care about them on the issues that matter is absolutely vital. Issues like blue balls, for example.

Finally, it's important to show that you're capable of public speaking and community organizing. Transfems can look forward to receiving invitations in the mail to campaign rallies, which will consist of a brief speech by the candidate, delivered nude, aside from optional campaign sticker pasties or some equally tacky, teasing article, and then followed by an all-night no-holds-barred gangbang.

The candidate may have a couple fluffers from her campaign staff assist, but the point of these parties is to prove she has the will, endurance, and desire to serve her community that's so important in politics. She'll be thrown around, bent into awkward shapes, pulled in every direction as her most important constituents fight for their turn. It might start slow with just a few cocks, one in each hole, but it won't take long for people to wonder why her hands are free, her tits, any bare patch of skin they can access.

Before long, they'll start wondering why it's just one cock per hole. The smartest candidates will stretch themselves out well beforehand, and the less smart ones will find themselves screaming as second cocks start to push their way in beside the first. They'll be incentivized to stay conscious as long as they can, too; they know damn well every unserviced cock, every transfem that leaves unsatisfied, is a vote lost, a vote that could've won them the campaign. By the end of the night, they're usually too exhausted to move themselves. Maybe their campaign staff manages to get them into a vehicle and drive them home, maybe they find themselves shoved into a vehicle with a rowdy group of transfems who've decided the night's not quite over yet.

These parties are usually planned a few months in advance of election day, of course. Partly so that the candidate has proper time to recover, and partly because there's nothing that wins the hearts of voters like seeing a transfem's baby swelling in their candidate's stomach.

[cyjammy]

Angel’s Early Struggle

Can we talk about Angel being bothered by Sir Pentious being praised by Charlie? Because I don't think that's been talked about enough if at all.

Angel up to this point and well past episode two puts up a front. His persona empowers him, gives him a shield against his abuser, critics and even himself. Angel's self-imposed egocentrism gives him the opportunity to gain attention whether that be positive or negative. He wants to play the part of a self-assured, overly-sexual porn star because he knows that's how he has to be.

All of this we know already after episode four.

This skepticism and refusal to change is a byproduct of his negative self-image caused by his circumstances. Valentino has ruined Angel up to this point. He allows Angel to continue his self-destructive tendencies and isolated him to the point where his only friend was Cherri Bomb - someone who also enables him. Valentino does this all for his own benefit. Angel is a toy to him - one that makes him money. To Valentino, his feelings are non-existent, what matters is what he can get out of him, how much use Angel is to him.

Whether that be through physicality or being an entertaining plaything, Valentino doesn't care.

When Angel uses his persona, that pleases the person he spends the most time around. Valentino considers him worthy of the little bit of praise he will give before taking it away at the first opportunity. The inconsistent treatment Angel receives from Valentino is traumatic in itself, couple that with sexual and physical abuse and Angel is barely hanging on. Nobody can remain sane from that without having some way to cope.

After all of that mistreatment that solidified Angel's thought process, his fears and insecurities, he finds someone else who gives him attention with zero strings attached through Charlie. Angel is obviously skeptical at first, considering the things Valentino did to him. He knows Hell is unforgiving, that he had already made a mistake trusting a ruthless overlord, so it was a no brainer that he wouldn't trust Charlie, at least not right away.

So Angel emulates Valentino's behavior, he uses Charlie for a free place to stay with minimal intentions of trying to be redeemed. At any opportunity where Charlie doesn't have Angel under watch, he took the chance to do drugs, start fights, and simply revert back to the way he was when he was on his own. Angel does show some kind of remorse, unlike Valentino, before reigning himself back in to pretend he doesn't care.

Even in the pilot you could see the beginnings of character development in Angel. Not everything was as it seemed.

At this point, Angel has no reason to stop this behavior. This is Angel's rationalization: It's Hell, nobody else is going to try Charlie's plan, redemption doesn't exist, why try?

In this endeavor, Angel can't be considered a failure or disappointment. There aren't grave actions for falling short in the Hotel like there would be if he failed Valentino. There is no threat of physical harm, verbal or emotional abuse and manipulation. He may get yelled at by Vaggie and Charlie, but he had just met them, he doesn't care about their opinions or feelings to the point that it would viscerally affect him.

However, Charlie did whittle him down by being genuine. She cares for the hotel’s patrons and her plan for redemption. Charlie stays consistent in a way that Valentino doesn’t.

After a long night of filming, Angel gets to return to the hotel. Charlie and Vaggie are there and Angel stays unbelieving of her plans for redemption. After Alastor joins, Angel also has Nifty and Husk.

He doesn’t have to stew in his misery within the same vicinity as his abuser. He gets to have a distraction and a support system no matter how dysfunctional they may seem.

When Sir Pentious joins the hotel as a spy for the Vees, Angel has to compete for attention where he never had to. Sir Pentious is the patron of Charlie’s dreams. He appeals to her notion of instant conversion by obediently following her orders no matter how nonsensical or small.

Angel continues to put up the same front since it hasn't stopped working for him before. Charlie starts a group activity, Sir Pentious succeeds, and Angel says it's stupid.

Charlie has them act out a scene, Angel is critical of it and Sir Pentious plays the part perfectly.

Charlie freely gives him praise.

Angel has never received praise from Charlie up to this point. At least, nothing direct. Charlie would placate him, use language that wasn't insulting, but those comments weren't compliments.

They were meant to redirect, produce a productive conversation and ultimately help Charlie achieve her goal. She never checked in on Angel's well-being. With everything going on, she was so concerned with her plan that she didn't focus on anything else.

Angel doesn't make an event out of it. He states that he's leaving and when the attention is off him he doesn't try to bring it back.

There is simply defeat.

Angel doesn't process these feelings well. He momentarily considers the hotel just as bad as any place in Hell. He considers returning to Valentino. At least in the studio he's the center of attention, he is good at what he does. There is no need to think of ways to be better or earn redemption, he can be a degenerate and a sleazeball all he wants.

While he is certainly being used at least he is of use. He has a purpose and he isn't disregarded because he doesn't measure up. Angel has his part and he plays it well.

So there is that choice to return back to the studio until he is snapped out of his stupor by remembering his reality. There were good moments with Valentino, but those would never outweigh the bad and the downright horrible. The voicemails Valentino left him highlighted that too well.

Angel had no choice but to stay.

But where did that leave him? He felt like a disappointment. Charlie wouldn't see someone as broken as him worthy for redemption. Sir Pentious had that role and he was better in that department. Angel firmly believed that he couldn't change.

Valentino's hold on him remained strong in the earlier months of his departure. Angel struggled with this mindset of self-destruction. He continued to ruin opportunities for himself, but it was so deeply ingrained in him he couldn't stop himself.

So, he goes to cope. He wants to drown his misery away.

And through that he discovers Sir Pentious's true intentions. He wasn't this perfect patron taking Charlie's attention. Angel's skepticism was justified. He didn't have to be perfect nor did he have to try because Sir Pentious was in the same boat as him.

He prioritized his interests over redemption.

And I wish we could have seen the change with a few more episodes because there is no way this distrust faded in a day.

Knowing that there were months of development in between these moments clears up a few things, but it wasn't on screen so we're left to speculate.

Now, instead of being spiteful, Angel is back to acting as he would with anyone in the Hotel. Sir Pentious has been brought down off his pedestal, he didn't have pure intentions, his dreams of becoming a powerful overlord were crushed and he was cluelessly following an untested path to redemption because he had nowhere else to go.

Angel's attitude persists until Loser, Baby. This is the second moment where he realizes that Hell is shit and nobody is better than anyone, especially if they ended up here. Husk is there for Anthony, a guy who isn't putting on a front and just made a few shit decisions.

As the months go on and Angel only has to interact with Valentino in a business capacity, he gains confidence. There's a system in place that's benefitting him, he has friends and a reason for being.

He even goes as far as to defend his new friends - his faux family - against the biggest threat to his wellbeing.

He has hope for the future and I love that all of it was revealed in Season 1. All you have to do is pay attention.

[wandering-gambler]

Zhongli X Reader with a god/Dragon in them

(((okay looking at it again it seems more like an intro to the characters rather than the romance stuff...)))

Hope You Enjoy!

_____________________________________

It was a casual day, sitting in third-round knockout with Zhongli and listening to his stories. However, one thing kept bothering me: the troublesome god, seemingly hell-bent on finding out why I had taken a liking to Zhongli of all people! The god ranted about how they could've found someone better, or how they shouldn't worry because 'I have them.' After enduring twenty minutes of this torture, I took a break. With an apology to Zhongli, I stood up and brushed my clothes off, and the god next to me smirked.

'Ah, my apologies, Zhongli. But I have some things to attend to. Would you mind saving me the seat? I shouldn't be long.'

I stated, smiling at him. 'No need for apologies, I'm happy to save you a seat. Feel free to take your time.'" Zhongli stated, smiling at them.

After taking my leave, I walked to behind nearest building and exclaimed, "Can't you just enjoy a tea break on our day off with Zhongli for once?" Irritated, I wait for their reply

"Well, it wouldn't have to be this way if you just found someone else, like me, for example, or anyone else in the harbor."

Frustrated, I sighed and rubbed my eyes, "Okay, sure, but what's the deal with liking Zhongli? He's kind, wise, a good fighter, with even better mannerisms, and is overall a fantastic man. So why would you not consider him?"

The god rolled their eyes and leaned against the wall, scoffing, "Simply put, I just don't see the appeal."

After some time, I decided it was sufficient to attempt to get an answer out of the god. so I returned to the table, saying, "Zhongli! I apologize for taking so long. I got distracted by the scenery." I sat down in my original spot, smiling. The god now sat beside them, and Zhongli stated, "Ah, no need for apologies. In fact, you didn't miss much of the story. I can catch you up if you'd like?"

"Of course!" I exclaimed as I waited for Zhongli to begin. The god, who was now sitting beside them, groaned as they listened to certain parts of the story.

After the story came to an end, Zhongli offered his hand to me, "Hmm, it seems to be getting rather late. Would you like me to escort you home?"

"I would love that, thank you," I replied, and accepted Zhongli's offered hand. As I set down the money for drinks and food, the god sitting beside them growled quietly. I and Zhongli took our leave, the god following close behind.

After a while, we arrive at my home.

"Thank you, Zhongli, I appreciate it," I say, smiling as I walk up the steps and stop at the doorway.

"This is getting hard to watch," The god beside me stated, as they leaned against the door, looking annoyed.

"It's no problem. I assure you, I hope we can find the time to do the same again?" Zhongli asked, smiling. But the god beside me just glared daggers at him.

"For sure, thank you again, Zhongli," I say, thanking him again as I walk inside and immediately plop on the couch.

"I think you could be nicer-" I begin, but the god cuts me off.

"What's the appeal to him anyway? Just some funeral parlor consultant…Not even that cool!!" The god says, crossing their arms and standing in front of the door, pouting like a small child who has been rejected from getting candy.

"I mean come on! Him?! How can you like him?" The god states while scoffing and gesturing with their hands.

I sit quietly and watch as they throw their little tantrum, not bothering to defend my preferences.

I sigh as I close my eyes. "I think you could really grow to like him…you just gotta get to know hi-" I say before the god cuts me off again.

"Grow to like him?!" the god exclaims, getting even closer as they walk over to me. "ABSURD!!"

"I don't see why you need to do this 'socializing' thing, but I think it's absurd! You could be doing way more fun things with me!"

I chuckle and reply, "Is that so? Why don't you state a few things then?" I say, leaning back and enjoying the show. The god stutters a bit before regaining their composure.

"Well, for starters, I think…pottery?! sightseeing?! buying stuff?!…" The god trails off, pacing around in front of the couch.

The God reasons, frowning, as they clasp their hands together and straighten their posture.

"I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING YOU FIND INTERESTING?"

The god states, seemingly in a panic trying to find anything.

I chuckle before replying, "I suppose I could do those with you, but… I could also do them with Zhongli… and many others."

I reason as I smile at them. The god looks not particularly happy about that. "What is it that you're bored of me now, eh? Found more interesting toys to play with?" they ask, seeming offended and hurt at the thought.

I sigh before standing up and saying, "No, no, that's not it at all… I just think it's best if we make some new friends, no?"

I thank you to whoever has read this far!!! I normally Don't write just read but I thought this was cute…

I might do another part if this turns out well…please let me know if I made any grammatical errors or anything or tips I could use in the future are greatly appreciated!! ((please keep in mind this is my first time writing in about a year and was made at 4am))

character count:5,207

[yuurivoice]

since you love to write, does your job ever feel like actual work? Kinda like that saying “if you love your job, you’ll never work a day of your life.” Kinda question.

also, how much free time do you normally have?

It felt like actual work from pretty early on. The moment I crossed over from doing it for funsies to sometimes taking commissions I didn't really feel strongly about for money, it was work.

I've had to drag my ass into the booth and record on days when I couldn't even take care of my basic needs because of ADHD struggles, and that sure felt like work.

I've had to write like absolute dogshit and just accept it because I had deadlines and people waiting on me. That felt like work.

I've had to spend hours breaking down different shots needed for visual projects, like a caveman painting on a wall for a renaissance artist to reference. That definitely felt like work.

I've had to deal with community moderation, personal betrayals of trust, harassment, goddamn pr crises, tax nightmares, and shipping hundreds of orders by hand. That was work.

That old cliche of if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life is a crock of shit. But all of that being said, even though it is work, and even though it can be really difficult sometimes?

Wouldn't trade it for the world. There is no other calling for me, my heart is not satisfied if I am not telling stories, and for some reason the universe decided that this was the path forward. I didn't plan on it. I never loved voice acting, but I learned to. I wish there was less bullshit over the years that robbed me of my joy. I wish I wasn't fighting my brain for so much of the time I've been doing this.

But the good will always outweigh the bad.

It's a dream fulfilled. I never needed or wanted to be some sort of massive sensation, or have broad renown or appeal. I didn't need to become a best selling author, or create a hit video game, or do anything like that. I am happy that I've found even a small group of people who love to get lost in my worlds, or spend time with my characters, or hear them get railed in pumpkin patches.

I get to experience the magic of creating something I didn't know was within me. Again and again. Projects like BitterSweet, Shattered, and Echoes of Evalas are precious to me because of the wondrous feeling creating those stories gives me. They could all flop, and I'd do it anyway.

I was creating art when no one was ever there to listen or watch. In that regard, it's never been work. It is a function of my existence. I was made, raised, and shaped to tell stories. It's the one thing I can do. At a table of friends, an audience of hundreds, or on long drives by myself. It's like breathing. It just happens.

Being able to call it work is a privilege. I'm thrilled that I've got the chance to work. I'm happy that I even have the opportunity to have days where I have to push myself. Because it has given me more than I've ever thought it could. I was on food stamps living with family under constant threat of getting kicked out. I was lonely, isolated, and scared of the world. I was considered lazy.

Finding my lane, getting traction, and thriving was something I considered out of reach. I was ready to tap out and accept that I just wasn't quite right for life. Like maybe I just didn't have all the right parts. I was okay with it, even. I was tired.

So yeah. It's work. But I spent a long time desperate to find work I was suited for, and with a lot of recent life changes I've removed many of those points of friction that would make it tough to work. So I'm thrilled.

And that, my friends, is what happens when you ask a professional yapper if they love yapping. 😂

As for free time, it's hard to say. So much of what I do being my own boss and shit, plus creative stuff just constantly churning in my brain, I struggle to clearly define what is and is not "free time". I basically have to be on call. At any given moment something might need my attention, or creativity comes knocking. It's hard to completely disconnect.

I've done a good job of getting into the office about four times a week. That has helped me find some sort of balance, but even recent writing I've done was on my laptop at my little breakfast nook having coffee.

I think the big thing is, I can create my free time whenever I need or want to.

Anywho, this is why you don't open Tumblr when you wake up to pee in the middle of the night because then you spent 30 minutes staring at your phone writing a whole ass essay. I'm gonna go get out of bed and make something awesome now. 💖

[roturo]

GOOD BOY GONE BAD

“Love is a lie, I love that lie.¨

⁙ synopsis: Gojo Satoru is known for his charms and for being a gentleman, for you? he´s not what they say.

warnings: smut, breeding kink, dacryphilia, biting, piv, blowjob (reader), enemies to lovers ¿? pwp, toxic gojo, dom!gojo satoru x fem!reader.

Gojo Satoru. The renowned sorcerer, the strongest man in the world. Plenty of women fight for this man, not only because he´s really appealing, might also be the most handsome man in the world, but,

he´s also a motherfuker.

The word might sound strong, and it is, but they couldn´t blame you. He´s for sure a gentlemen to any woman that appears in his sight, so... why he´s not a gentlemen to you too?

For what you can remember he was never nice to you, you both know each other for years now, both of you studied at the same school, not like there´s a lot of schools where they could teach you about cursed energy but fuck it, you were even neighbors at some point!

So, why couldn´t you get along with this man? Both of you come from strong clans, even though he´s alone... and stronger than you, but still, strong clans. You had friends in common!... more like just Nanami and Shoko, and also, you´ve never done anything to damage him or something?!

You definitely don´t like him, but his behavior towards you, gets you in your last nerves.

¨The higher ups said they´re dealing with it, so we´re finally free from this mission.¨ Gojo said with his annoying smirk, plopping down on the couch beside Nanami, clearly he got annoyed at his action, but what could he do? He´s Gojo fucking Satoru.

¨So, as an act of gratitude for you guys for helping me out with this mission, let´s go to the club together! It´s on me.¨

One thing Gojo has, is money. So, how could you say no to this offer?

You were dancing with Shoko at the club, you haven´t drank too much, preferring to stay sober. Nanami was sitting at the table accompanied with a pretty girl, drinking straight up vodka, you couldn´t understand how he liked it, but, well, he´s Nanami. And Gojo? Well, he definitely found some girl and its fucking her somewhere. At least that´s what you thought at the bar waiting for the waiter to bring you some water.

¨What´s a pretty girl like you doing here alone?¨ You looked to your left, finding a guy with light brown hair, and beautiful green eyes.

¨Nothing much, just spending some time with my friends here, guess I got a little tired and wanted to take a break from dancing.¨ You answered, now turning your body to have a better look of him.

He just smiled, and just in time his drink was served. ¨I like your eyes¨ Letting out a small smile to him, ¨Are they the prettiest eyes you ever seen?¨

Well, shit.

They´re definitely really pretty, but not the prettiest. As much as you hate your brain for thinking about Gojo and his fucking pretty eyes, you couldn´t deny it. ¨Definitely top 3¨ a lie. There´s no top 3 when Gojo´s eyes are that pretty. ¨At least I got in that top 3¨ His smirk reminded you of him, you know understand why this night has been really calm, that´s right, Gojo hasn´t made his appearance yet.

You´re not jealous for the fact that he´s probably giving the best sex to a girl he´s not ever going to see again, but maybe you´re jealous because he offered this hangout to be spending time together...

Another lie.

Let´s be honest here, this new guy was talking about some shit you really couldn´t give less than a fuck, but your eyes caught a pretty girl with a yellow dress on top of Gojo, moving her hips in circular motions while he just kissed her neck looking at you.

This man is a completely son of a bitch.

Well, you´re definitely jealous that he treats any women as the love of his life but not you. And most likely have a crush on him, but never in a million years you could accept that, so, hopefully you could erase that boy inside your heart then fill it with the wreck he has given you.

Maybe you´re not thinking straightly right now, but you couldn´t continue lying to yourself, and think you don´t love thin man, you had to just ditch it and break it. Find a new man, and maybe this was your time.

And that´s how everything started.

If you´re being honest, you can´t remember when you started kissing the guy infront of you, but you seriously had to get it out of you. Everything was going ´fine´ until you felt a force pushing you out of the guy, you just saw him on the floor, Gojo on top of him, clearly giving him a broken nose, and the yellow dress girl nowhere to be found.

¨What the fuck Gojo?!¨, Stop it!¨ You yelled at him, grabbing him from the arm getting him off the poor guy, his little black sunglasses where now on the floor and his beautiful blue eyes where now covered with black. You never saw him on this state before, neither this angry, he had some blood on his face and his breathing was unsteady.

He grabbed your arm in a way that would definitely leave bruises, and dragged you to a bathroom of the club.

¨Are you going to tell me what the fuck was that all about?¨ You pulled out your arm out off his reach now that both of you got into the bathroom. ¨You should explain to me why you were kissing that guy?!¨

¨It´s not like we´re in a fucking relationship Gojo! And you´re neither my dad to be telling me that!¨ Gojo just pushed you to the wall and locked you with his arms and, looked at you with dilated pupils.

¨All my life I couldn´t understand my hate towards you, you completely changed me when I was fragile, I spent hours in front of the mirror wanting to become you. I was killing myself with all the stress, and you were the most prettiest thing I saw in my life, you were outgoing, never giving up, strong and beautiful. I wanted to be as happy as you were, and find someone that could lighten a room like you did when you entered. No other girl has given me the light you let. Wanted to make me believe myself my love towards you was a lie, but oh man, you don´t know how much I loved that lie. And now? I'm saying it out loud.¨

You couldn´t believe what you were hearing, this wasn´t what you were expecting for Gojo to say, ¨And if i´m being honest with myself I can´t spend any-¨ He couldn´t finish his sentence when he felt your lips on his, finally he had a taste of you and he couldn´t stop himself from smiling while kissing. He grabbed your hips making you get closer to him, feeling now a hard bulge on you thighs.

¨Feel that?´¨ He left a small scoff ¨No other girl has made me this hard as fast as you did¨ He grabbed you and turned you around so you were standing in front of the mirror, kissing your jaw and neck, made your legs feel like jelly that you had to hold yourself on the sink.

You let out a small moan when you felt two fingers playing with your now wet panties, Gojo was on his knees behind you teasing your pussy, until he finally moved the panties aside and took a taste of you, making you moan at this. You were gripping the sink as hard as you could, knuckles turning white. ¨Oh shit, Gojo, more¨

He slapped your pussy making you whimper. ¨Satoru, call me Satoru baby.¨ He inserted two fingers inside you and curled them just right that he could hit that spot that made you see stars. ¨This pussy is mine, you understand that? No one´s else, mine.¨ He got up from the floor and started unbuckling his belt now freeing his cock, he ripped apart your panties and positioned himself.

He wasn´t even half in yet and you swear you could feel the tip of his cock in your throat, ¨All mine,¨ he groaned, ¨This pussy is all mine, shit, i´m going to make you all mine,¨ He thrusted his whole cock in you and started moving without giving you time to adjust. ¨You want that?, ´going to make you a mommy with all my cum inside you huh?¨ He left a small moan at the feeling of you squeezing his cock. ¨´Going to make you my housewife, my, fuck-¨ His thrusts started becoming harder when you felt yourself starting to cum, you started feeling yourself to climax while he grabbed you from the neck and you felt his chest pressed to your back, looking at yourself with the mirror.

¨You see that? No one is going to make you feel like this, you´re mine, my fucking cockslave¨ You could barely see yourself with your eyes covered with tears and blurry vision from the pleasure you were feeling. You felt you were coming but Gojo was not even thinking of stopping when you came, he began to thrust harder when you started to loose control of your body when the pleasure was becoming too much, just spitting out moans that were like screams, and murmuring words like ¨Satoru, more¨ ¨I´m yours¨ ¨Faster¨

Gojo bit your neck leaving a mark and started licking the small amount of blood he got out of it, you were full of bruises and purple hickeys all over your neck and legs, he´s definitely making sure you´re his.

You felt yourself coming back to life when he finally came hard and moaned your name. The overpleasure not leaving your body when he made sure his cum wasn´t going out your hole.

He cleaned you, and got you up in the sink, started kissing your whole face with small pecks and leaving small ¨I love you´s¨ making you smile.

´´So...¨

¨So... Can I take you out on a date?¨

[onmyyan]

seeing the surge of Delmont brothers content on my feed has my brain churning so I have arrived once more to feed content/ideas

Its high key inspired by the prev anon talking about wanting to cuddle with the boys but I just love the idea of being spoilt rotten since I've never experienced it personally skjfdh

If you're following me so far, consider- princess treatment from the boys. Like Sugar Daddy TM level treatment.

Caspain would never let his darling raise a single hand when he's around. He'll put on a full spa treatment for you, using those skillful hands of his to work out the knots in your shoulders and spine. I mean- he works with dough plenty enough that it's no problem for him to reduce you to a mess. I can also just see him on his knee, taking your foot in his hand and sliding on heels- new ones he's just picked up just for you. How does he know your size? Because practically every other fancy piece of clothing you own was a gift from him. Just imagine his large hands carefully fastening a necklace on his darling, warm fingertips lingering for second before he'll lead them downstairs for a full 3 course meal he's made and a night of fun together out in the town. Show, movie, the whole works!

With Gabe around there's no shot that you drive anywhere. You leaving work? He'll pick you up. Hanging with friends? He'll drop you off AND pick you up afterwards. Delete your uber and lyft app from your phone because there's no shot he'll let some random person take HIS darlin around. He's pulling up in a custom car he's been working on, the pristine V6 engine purring like a kitten by the time you exit your house/apt. Gabe'll be waiting against his car, relishing the opportunity to open the door for you and greeting you with a kiss. If you're hanging with others then he takes the extra steps to escort you to your ride, a firm hand guiding you by the small of your back. Lowkey, okay, maybe high key enjoys the sugar daddy position and just giving you small orders like having you leave your coat at home so you can wear his jacket or having you put on the new choker he's gotten you before he'll arrive to pick you up. Seeins his girl be so good for him just gets him going, ya know?

Ricky finds the retail therapy to be relaxing, especially after a long day of work. Hell, if the work day is real bad I can see him in his office absentmindedly scrolling through his phone while he multitasks- if just to look for new things he wants to put you in. And when going out to shop with you in person, the guy gets a free show, having you do a lil twirl so he can take in all angles so there's no complaints from him. And when he sees the smile on your face??? The shine, the sparkle in your eyes when you find a new scent you want or a blouse that's practically made for you- the mere sight of it melts the tension in him instantly. What he really loves though, is taking out the frustrations of the day on your clothes- the very same one's he's bought for you! The sounds of your torn buttons clattering to the floor as he gets his helping of sugar from you is practically music to his ears. No need to worry though, he'll happily replace them if you behave~ Or don't behave, he'd probably like that better tbh- if just so he can show you who's in charge.

Marcos has expensive tastes as is but with the extra money he makes selling drugs he's more than capable of giving you proper princess treatment. Think VIP lounges and tables at fancy restaurants, he'll even pay a lil extra under the table so you get some much needed privacy for some one on one time... or imagine him presenting you with the prettiest pair of earrings you've ever seen... before quickly turning away so he could wipe the blood off of them proper. Best not to ask about where he gets some of the fancy shit he gives you, the challenge of physically getting the stuff he gives you just appeals a little more than clicking a button on his phone or swiping his card. That aside though, he'll take you wherever you want and likes giving you freedom to dress however you'd like so each time you get together he'll get a cute lil surprise by seeing how you put his lil gifts to use. Out of all the brothers he'd buy you the least amount of clothing, preferring to have you in the fancy stuff he already owns and wears since it really makes him feel like your his.

Manny takes a while to realize that the two of you are in a real sugar daddy kinda thing lol. For him it's only natural to go 110% and spoil your one and only soulmate. When he does realize that his darling really likes that princess treatment though he's going all out. He'd travel the world together, staying and banging in only the finest of hotels and airbnbs. All that romantic stuff you see like people riding gondalas or having dinner at the top of the Effiel tower? He wants to do that with you and will. Probably the least dommy bout spoiling his princess bc he just really wants affection, okay? Not like you could ever deny the puppy dog look he gives you when the guys practically begging for you to try on a new set of lingerie for him.

FLAWLESS OMGDNDMX DMD SLSI S.DI LOVE????? THANK YIU

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮

Hiii!

Okay 51 new sentences for 📚:

---

See, when Ravi dropped out of college, his parents had been scared for him. Convinced he was throwing his life away to become a city employee. Like it was a dirty word. His father, one of the owners in a large property management company, had felt the need to take matters into his own hands. I won’t stop you from following what your heart says is right, Ravi, he’d said. But I also will not leave you without a safety net. He’d always thought his safety net was exorbitantly rich parents, but apparently not. Apparently, he needed properties. To begin building his own generational wealth. His father, therefore, put the ownership of two apartment complexes in Ravi’s name. One in Montebello and one in La Cienega Heights. 

The latter building was smaller. Only six units, one of which Ravi lived in. It was close to work. Easy to manage. And yes, a good asset to his name. The Montebello property - much larger - and the one across the street his father was pushing him to buy? A way bigger chore. One that Ravi was finding difficult to manage. 

“No,” Ravi shook his head. “No, I wasn’t just going to sell it.”

“That’s not what I heard,” Anil said, doing an excellent impression of sincere curiosity. 

“I was going to talk to you,” Ravi promised his father. “About taking it back or selling it. Investing the money properly. Letting the funds accrue.”

His father looked crestfallen.

“You did this behind your father’s back?” His mother asked. 

“No, no.” Ravi said again. “I haven’t done anything.”

“Well you talked to Shin.” Anil dropped another colossal bomb. 

“You talked to an agent at a rival brokerage to your brother’s?” His mother gasped, like Anil accused Ravi of stabbing him.

“I talked to my friend, who is familiar with the area and prices.” Ravi clarified. “It was one lunch.”

And how word of that got to Anil, Ravi did not know. 

“You don’t sell a gift, Ravi,” his father chastized. 

“It’s not…” Ravi sighed. “Look, I’m keeping the La Cienaga place. Montebello is too much for me, right now.”

“Too much for you to manage? Free real estate?” His father retorted.

“Pops, between all the shifts I’m working, and the drive out that way more than once a week, it’s been a lot,” Ravi tried to appeal to him. “I need down time. Time to decompress. I don’t do well if I-”

Anil scoffed. “So this is an autism thing, then.”

---

30 for 🦮:

---

“Are you sure?” Bobby asks.

“Yeah,” Buck nods. “Trainer says it’s my choice.”

Bobby smiles giddily. “Well, good. I love dogs.”

Buck grins. He misses Bobby. He visits sometimes, but it’s different from being here everyday. It’s different when it feels like he’s visiting out of some strange guilt.

“Also, I made everyone wait up there so they don’t overwhelm her,” Bobby says. Buck looks up. Sure enough, Hen, Chim, Eddie, and someone Buck has never seen before are standing at the rails of the mezzanine, looking down. “But we can bring coffee and lunch and everything down here so you don’t have to use the stairs.”

Buck gives the team a small wave before answering Bobby. 

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” Buck says. “I can do stairs. It’s good to get practice in.”

He doesn’t want any more accommodation than he already has by bringing a dog in with him. He’s fine. He’s capable. 

“Okay,” Bobby nods. “Well, then up we go.”

Buck walks towards the fire station stairs as if he isn’t at all daunted. Not just to be climbing them, but to be climbing them with a dog. He’s definitely nervous. And he’s definitely going to feel a little wiped afterwards. Bobby walks ahead of him, and then Buck focuses on climbing each step the way he’s worked on in physical therapy. Foot first, then prosthetic.