#but like jesus christ the vibes are HORRIFYING

[darth-does-stuff]

ok wait why is this recent ep actually fucking terrifying i did not expect it to be this scary

[can-of-w0rmz]

It’s always so interesting to me how so many people tend to look at protagonists’ reactions in 19th century gothic media and immediately slap a label on them as “over-dramatic” or “weak”, when in reality I don’t think we (as a society) know what we’re talking about. I think our society is collectively desensitised to concepts, and what I mean by that is that the concept of a story like Dracula or Frankenstein isn’t something that we’d ever bat an eye at because it’s been so ingrained into our very understanding or the concept of basic modern horror premises that we no longer appreciate it for what it is, and I’ve been guilty of it too. So a lot of people take the protagonists reactions to their circumstances, and paint it as melodrama or even worse, get high and mighty and claim that if THEY were in that scenario, they would NEVER do something so stupid, right?

But I need you to take a minute to actually think about the positions these characters are in. We’ve become so desensitised to these concepts, but if we were actually in those positions in real life we would probably not be able to handle them half as well as some of these characters. For example, Dracula. Sure, guy goes to stay in spooky castle, client turns out to be a vampire, pretty standard, easy to point at Jonathan Harker’s decisions and blame him. Oh Jonathan, don’t you know walking through an abandoned castle when your client tells you not to is bound to get you hurt? Don’t you know going to a remote area with villagers crossing themselves every five seconds is dangerous?

But actually think about this. You’re a solicitor, you have a fiancée back home and you need this job. You meet your client, he’s a little creepy, you feel unsafe, but you need this job. What are you going to do, turn back and tell your employer you couldn’t do it because the vibes were off? Obviously not. You suck it up. Then slowly, your world starts collapsing around you and slowly getting smaller as you find yourself trapped inside this man’s house and you slowly come to the realisation that you are being held captive in the house of a creepy old man who has access to all the rooms in the house, including your own, and can enter it at any time, in a secluded area far away from everyone, and with no hope of reaching out for help. He has the power to do anything to you, and you’re completely helpless, and does. You are going to die there and none of your loved ones will ever know what happened to you. Your abuser might even fabricate your identity or conduct a lie to ruin all memory of you forever. Then things get worse, and you realise that your abuser and captor isn’t even human. Throw in the infanticide and assault scenes, and that is a horrifying scenario, and I don’t think some people fully recognise that when they read it.

The very same with Frankenstein, oh haha, Victor gets ill often, look at him fainting every five minutes, what a whiny bitchboy, right? But Jesus Christ, again, think about this scenario that he’s in properly. My guy digs up corpses, brings them to his dorm room and stitches them together, only for him to bring said corpses to life and watch his inanimate amalgamation of dead bodies come to life in your house. Now again, imagine cutting up corpses and sewing them together. If you can’t manage that, imagine a friend of yours came to you and told you that they’d been stealing corpses, cutting them up, and sewing them together, and they now have an 8ft tall giant amalgamation or corpses in their room. Now imagine going to their house and seeing that amalgamation of corpses. Good luck not passing out and vomiting all over their bedroom floor, and extra good luck not needing extreme psychiatric care afterwards. Again, corpses. I’m willing to bet half the people here have never even seen a corpse, and this isn’t even freshly-dead-grandma-in-the-coffin, these are decomposing and rotting corpses of real human beings. Observed. And some corpses cut up. And pieced together. Into a giant corpse. Genitalia included. Intestines included. Everything else included. And then that corpse then starts killing everyone you’ve ever loved and you have the added guilt that it IS it’s own person and you’ve abandoned it.

Which of course, could lead me into a whole separate rant, on how I believe that Victor’s flaw doesn’t lie in his horror at his own actions, and his fainting and illness and whatnot, but rather at his deliberate avoidance of the consequences of those actions – (horrifying as they may have been to come to terms with, his avoidance ultimately led to the mental distress and death of tons of completely innocent people, and his avoidance, however difficult, was still very much wrong and Victor is still very much to blame for it) – as well as the mania and obsessive justification he kept using to reach that goal. Although again, it could be argued there was avoidance in that as well – Victor pasting clinical lenses over all his actions, ignoring his family and friends, which ultimately all caught up with him. It’s my reading that Victor isn’t to blame whatsoever because he’s “over dramatic” or that “whiny”, he has every right to be severely traumatised by his experiences, however much his own fault they may be, he is to blame because at every turn where he could have faced his actions and confided in a friend or likewise, he did not, and it led to the deaths of everyone he loved. Except for Ernest, who likely then had to live with the death of his entire family.

But that’s a side rant – my primary point is, I genuinely do not remotely believe that authors in the past were really any more “emotional” or “melodramatic” than we are today. The only difference is that because the premise of these plots have been so deeply engrained into our society, we do not understand how horrifyingly traumatising these situations are by nature and dismiss them out of hand. Dracula did not exist yet when Dracula was being written. Frankenstein did not exist yet when Frankenstein was being written. Don’t come looking to read old gothic literature expecting a camp B-list horror film, and then call the characters over-dramatic when they react like average actual human beings to absolutely horrific scenarios.

And what’s more with regard to general more open affection between friends in older books, no it isn’t unrealistic, we’re all just cynical assholes now. (There’s a limit, obviously. Some characters are just raging homosexuals and there’s no other explanation. “His form so divinely wrought and beaming with beauty” my ass alright now just admit you had gay sex and be done with it)

[cult-of-the-eye]

Something horrifying occurred to me today. If my father was a fictional character, people would think of him in a similar way people see Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute. Here's why:

He has had So Much Shit happen to him. Like Jesus Christ. Like string of unfortunate deaths kind of shit. Like how is this man still functional kind of shit.

He's also had such an interesting childhood and life he's such a wildcard like my dad randomly telling us how he smuggled some guys over the border when he was like 19 is giving the same vibes as Jonathan Sims saying he knows what a meme is

That's not to say he's a huge badass or anything (he is but for the sake of this comparison) he was terrified out of his mind the whole time and did it cause he was feeling homesick and was like I know how these guys feel so I'm gonna help. Giving trademark Jonathan "gonna do it but gonna do it shaking like a wet dog" Sims

He's a skinny brown guy who's kinda quiet, supremely awkward and makes dorky jokes

I asked him if he would still love me if I were a worm and he deadass said only if you went to worm Cambridge. Tell me that's not a Jonathan Sims thing to say.

He's probably autistic (he won't talk to you unless you mention something specific and then you can't stop him talking about the geopolitical situation of Bangladesh)

He's so emotionally constipated. My dude has never heard of emotions ever. He once gave me the advice that the way to deal with negative emotions about our shitty situation is to just compare it to poor peoples' lives in Bangladesh and thank god we don't have it that bad. I think he's allergic to therapy.

He's always in some sort of pain. God hates him personally.

He's the most anxious man I've ever met in my life. I think he lies awake at night just planning how he's gonna get through the next day. Like all he does is overthink and eat his own curated mixed nuts snack

He indulges in a funny cat video once or twice

He hates dogs (growing up in Bangladesh will do that to you but also he's not good with the barking)

Saying that, has bonded with one crusty white dog, who he immediately picked up although i don't think he meant to do that, so we get a situation of quite a tall man holding a small dog but both of them looking Absolutely Terrified.

He's such a baby fiend. I've never seen someone so hell bent on being a grandfather. We went to a family party with him once and not even 5 minutes in, we found him holding a baby. I'm taking @lonelyslutavatar 's baby fever Jon as canon btw.

He's constantly in business casual. He'll be in bed wearing slacks. It's not cause he's fashionable but in fact only because those are pretty much the same clothes he's owned since 2005 and the only clothes he owns.

Nobody is quite sure what he does for a living. Like sure we know his job title (I had to look it up on LinkedIn) but his day to day activities? A mystery. Who actually knows what being a Head Archivist entails? Not me.

I rest my case. For now.

[woggle-bugger-me]

Moments from "The Tin Woodman of Oz" (2007) that live in my head rent-free

-The Tin Woodman flatly explaining his backstory to Woot and describing how beautiful Nimmie Amee was, meanwhile a flackback shows her and she looks like she's planning on murdering someone.

-This isn't one specific moment, but Nick's voice actor gives most of his lines in this bored monotone that adds a lot of unintentional comedy. He gives dramatic lines with hardly any emotion like "oh no my heart is breaking😐" It's great.

-One of the first time the Tin Woodman displays an emotion is when he describes what kind of dress he'd have Nimmie wear when they get married. If they were trying to portray the Woodman as depressed and deeply closeted, they did a great job.

-This film's a musical but it's not like a regular one. A lot of the songs have little to no build-up, so the musical scenes feel like a character is just... awkwardly bursting into song in-universe.

-"It might be vine for you, but it was killing me."

-The Tin Woodman and Scarecrow give off the vibe of an old married couple who kinda hate each other but have been together so long that they can't bring themselves to split up. I don't know how else to describe the weird dynamic they have here.

-At one point the gang encounter a village of rapping balloon people and Woot has to be talked out of committing genocide against them.

-Scarecrow and Nick have an argument and body-shame each other.

-Instead of meeting his old meat severed head in a cupboard, the Tin Woodman meets a sassy gay severed head that's made of metal and doesn't know what happiness is.

-Ku-Klip, the tinsmith, is a real creep. He feels up the Scarecrow AND THEN FEELS UP 10-YEAR-OLD WOOT while singing about how he loves to "snip-snip". It's both hilarious and horrifying.

-Nick calls Chopfyt an "imposter" and the Scarecrow and Woot have to hold him back from beating Chopfyt up.

-Nimmie Amee: "I married Chopfyt a long time ago." *randomly slaps him*

-The Tin Woodman says he'll "never move again" and spends all night in a depressed slump after Nimmie rejects him, only for the Scarecrow to say, and I quote: "That's a fine way to behave! It makes me very glad I have a brain and not a heart. At least my brain leaves me with dignity." Like WTF Scarecrow jesus christ

-Everything about Mrs. Yoop is iconic. She's easily the best character in the film and her song comes so close to being unironically good in a surreal, trippy way (until it's ruined by ending on a fart).

-Right after the gang escapes Mrs. Yoop's castle, the Tin Woodman falls for a tin woman who joins their party (she looks just like Nimmie Amee, but sexier).

-Woot: "I'm not a real wanderer :("

Nick: "Oh, well, we all... exaggerate... occasionally."

Scarecrow: "I'll say! Tinny here has told some big ones."

Nick: "Shhh. Not now."

-Ozma turns up right near the end and it's like a FNAF-level jumpscare.

-The Tin Woodman touches his metal GF's chest, she goes "oh" and then he bursts into song.

-Scarecrow: "I suppose this means I'll have to move back into the farmer's field because you'll probably want some... privacy, I suppose."

Tin Woodman: "Oh, no, no. You'll stay exactly where you are, my old friend. ;)"

Conclusion: This is the greatest movie ever created. Truly a classic.

[sheriffgrimes-archerdixon]

Request: hi, I was wondering whether you could do something where Carl stumbles upon the reader getting beaten by some of the kids in Alexandria and how he’d react? Thank you

Warnings: angst, yelling, cussing, blood, physical harm.

I’ve had the writing bug all over again so expect a ton of content. Love you all!<33

Safe with me

It was a late summers evening in Alexandria, you were knelt down beside the tomato plants picking all the ripe ones at carols request as she wanted to try make homemade tomato soup. She was always making cookies, biscuits, cupcakes and homemade food for everyone so you wanted to try and help her out as best as you possibly could.

A soft exhale fell from your lips as you put a handful of tomato’s into the container, the sun had set already, leaving a burning fire in the sky that slowly disappeared with time. You preferred to work at night as the hot rays of the sun didn’t do you any good and you knew your limits so did what you could when you could. As you picked one ripe-ish tomato you grimaced in disgust as it fell into mush in the palm of your hand “shit” you grumbled under your breath shaking your head in annoyance, dropping the tomato onto the ground as you rubbed your hand against your jeans before continuing picking the tomatoes.

As the container soon became full you wiped your hands a proud smile on your lips until your eyes caught onto a sudden shadow looming over you, the existing light from a few of the houses helped make the shadow visible. It was getting closer and closer and being afraid that a breach of walkers had happened you stood up turning around seeing Spencer “Jesus Christ, don’t sneak up on me like that!” You yelled- this wasn’t the first time he had done something stupid like that. You and him never quite got along, he was always commenting about you and he was always opinionated with you and only you as if he was trying to start a fight. “Why so jumpy?” He laughed out continuing to get closer to you and you quickly moved to the side walking in the opposite direction, you didn’t want to be anywhere close to him. He gave you weird vibes.

“Hey! I’m talking to you” he called but you continued walking “I’m done talking” you said hurrying towards the safety of carls home but before you could even get close to the house a sudden punch to your head knocked you down, your body hitting the ground “he’s talking to you, when Spencer talks you listen!” A voice you didn’t recognise yelled, “oh what a useless bitch” the familiar voice of Aiden laughed out. The Monroe boys always seemed to have an issue with you and you never knew why. Kicks landed on your stomach, your back and legs as over five voices were heard. You shielded your head in a desperate attempt to protect your neck and head. “Please stop” you cried out mocking voices only being the only thing to answer. As the kicking eased you were rolled onto your back as Spencer stood above you “this is for my mom…” he spat out before reigning punches down onto your face- blood covering your face as sobs began leaving your lips “please!!” You screamed out begging for some type of mercy. “You. Killed. Our. Mom! This is on you! I’m not stopping until you’re dead!” Spencer yelled out visibly in a fit of rage that he couldn’t control as you continued taking the beating, unable to do anything.

~

“Dad I’ll be back in a bit. I’m going over to see y/n.” carl called out pulling the front door open the porch light flicking on, giving him a chance to see outlines of people along with the horrifying sound of cries of agony and punches and without even thinking about it he sprinted out of the front door not shutting the door, pulling out his gun “hey! What the fuck!” He shouted as aiden immediately turned on him- knocking the gun out of carls hand as carl immediately began fighting him, throwing a punch at his head as aiden collapsed to the ground. As soon as Carl saw you his eyes widened “get the hell off of her right now.” He demanded his tone dark and dangerous as he held Spencer and six other kids at gunpoint “stop it otherwise I will shoot.” He demanded again and as Spencer continued punching you carl pulled the trigger, a gunshot immediately alarming everyone. He dropped the gun diving straight into Spencer knocking him right off of you as the both of them began fighting, the hat sat atop of Carls head got hit off as both boys punched at each other.

Sobs and pleads began leaving your lips as you tried to force yourself up “please stop! Stop!” You blubbered out blood spurting out of your mouth as you tried to get up. Yells from adults were heard but they were too far away. Spencer began mercilessly punching Carl and not stopping and that’s when you knew you had to do something and so with your blurry vision you grabbed onto Spencer’s leg before baring your teeth as you sunk your mouth into his leg biting down hard as a scream of agony left his lips “crazy bitch!” He spat out at you. “What the hell is goin’ on?” Daryl yelled out as Rick grabbed a hold of Spencer by the back of his shirt throwing him down to the ground “knock it off!” He said calmly yet his voice was slightly raised. Daryl was knelt beside you trying to see the damage done to you “rick this ain’t good” he grumbled worriedly as the both of them turned to look at you, your face was bruised- your lip was busted and your eyes swollen. You could barely move.

“What happened?” Rick asked. “Dad come on! She’s losing blood we need to get her to the infirmary!” Carl shouted and Rick held his hand out to his son trying to calm him down “okay. Tell me what happened” he said. Spencer’s lip trembled as he struggled to hold back his anger “y/n. Killed. Our. Mom.” He spat out and Rick sent a disapproving look at the older boy before moving towards you “I’ve got her,” Daryl assured “deal with him, he’s not in the right headspace” he murmured and Rick thought for a moment or two before nodding.

Daryl gently held your hands “c’mon work with me” he grumbled gently, you tried to stand your knees weakening from the pain you were in but that gave him enough time as he wrapped an arm around your waist to steady you, his other hand wrapping underneath your legs as he carried you bridal style to the infirmary. Carl rushed after Daryl his eyes filled with nothing but concern “is she gonna be alright?” He asked and Daryl kept his eyes forward “she’ll live. The doc will take care of her.” He assured calmly. Carl pushed the door open “Denise! Y/n’s hurt!” He called as footsteps were immediately heard both Denise and Tara appearing next to the door “alright bring her in.” She ushered as Daryl carried your limp body over to the bed carefully laying you down as you winced in pain fear evident on your face but you tried to be strong. You had to be strong.

“She killed my mom Rick. She’s the reason she got killed!” Spencer roared visibly effected by it all “son, I know you’re angry. But we were all the reason your mom died… no one could’ve stopped it.” He said and Spencer gritted his teeth together shaking his head “you’re wrong.” He spat out and Rick remained silent letting him get everything out anger on his face as he angrily blamed everyone in Alexandria and finally once Spencer had calmed down Rick spoke again “you’re wrong… violence is never the answer. You need to steady yourself. Figure yourself out.” As Spencer went to disagree Rick continued “take. a. walk.”

“Carl you’re bleeding too-“ “I’m fine Denise. Thank you but no. Just look after her okay? Please?” Carl pleaded, his head was pounding but he didn’t want to lose you. He was afraid of losing you. He pulled open the door as he left needing a breather to try and think straight.

“She’s going to be fine. She hasn’t lost too much blood” Denise explained as Daryl stayed in the corner listening to Denise. You were all patched up, clean and now Denise was simply washing all the blood off of your face. Daryl had agreed to look after you whilst Carl went to calm down. “That’s good” he murmured relieved and Denise nodded as you remained laying there peacefully.

The next few days went by rather quickly, you were nearly all better- practically ready to go back home. As you sat up in bed the sudden knock at the door grabbed your attention and Carl walked in a bunch of flowers held in his hands and you smiled “I got these for you,” he said softly as he handed them to you “thank you… they’re beautiful” you said happily and he smiled gently as he reached out grabbing onto your hand gently “I’m glad you’re okay…” he said before continuing “I was so scared I was going to lose you” he said quietly and you held onto his hand more securely giving it a little squeeze “don’t ever be scared because of what happens to me… I’m right here and I’ll always be right here” you said and he looked into your eyes pride visible on his face…

“You’re so strong y/n…” he murmured but before you could answer he took the hat from off his head placing it on top of your head as he smiled down at you “it suits you…” he then slowly began leaning in- he hadn’t ever expressed his feelings towards you and neither had you- too afraid of his response and just as his lips were going to press against yours the door swung open as Carl quickly pulled away “am I interrupting something?” Rick questioned looking at the both of you and you smiled nervously, Carl shaking his head as Rick noticed the sheriff hat on top of your head “looks like there’s a new sheriff in town” he said making you smile as you looked down “sure is” Carl said happily making Rick smile ever so slightly “Carol made some soup and cookies… housing it at our house. Care to join?” He asked and you nodded, Carl nodding too “sure, dad, thanks for the offer- we’ll be there soon.” He said and Rick smiled nodding his head as he left quietly Carl looking at you awkwardly and you smiled biting down on your lip…

The silence remained for a few moments before you waved him closer, and he got closer and just as he got close enough you grabbed the collar of his shirt pulling him down at you kissed him deeply yet gently before smiling as you pulled away placing the sheriff hat back onto his head “you’re the real sheriff in this town, mister” you giggled out watching as a blush formed on his cheeks and you smiled… oh gods were you head over heels for this boy.

[speedydestinydream]

Post "Fight or Flight" Episode Thoughts

(general thoughts after watching episode 2 of the milliot spinoff; seeing if my predictions were right and just talking about the episode)

!SPOILERS FOR THE NEW TMF EPISODE UNDER THE CUT; POSTED AFTER THE RELEASE OF THE EPISODE!

For reference, my pre episode prediction post

• Okay so they did show the video advertisement, and Elliot didn't really freeze up BUT he did stutter a lot which is fair, Milly didn't really speak but thats fair since it's. His gardening club

• Elliot was STRUGGLING with pulling out that fucking weed. Bro you can use a weed cutter THIS IS WHY THEY WERE MADE

• SEAAAANNNNN MOMENTTT YEAAAAHHHHH it's mostly his voice behind the camera but STILL. Also poor guy man accidentally ate compost RIP (Elliot being so apologetic for it,,, Elliot you are me and I am you.)

To be honest I thought black gold was oil tho??? Not compost? Idk

• Elli. Elliot. Elliot Thornton. Why did I just watch you bite into a tomato like an apple.

• Did he change shirts into the exact same shirt after that take cause he definitely had tomato juice on his shirt lol 😭

• Elliot practicing conversations in the mirror 🤨 Giving me huge Jake vibes here JUST LOOK AT HIM

• RAINBOW DASH SHIRT OH MY GOD MILLY IS AN MLP FAN (she is so rainbow dash)

• Milly has a father‼️‼️

• oh god cyberbullying... Elliot NOOOOOO

also for the students that were typing those replies. How stupid do you have to be to cyberbully someone on THE SCHOOLS OFFICAL GACHABOOK POST. WHERE THE FACULTY CAN SEE IT. USE YOUR BRAINS PLEASE

• Also... Bradley's last name is Buckley I think? Bradley Buckley? (the @ on one of the replies of the post)

• "Nothing will change. I'll always be pathetic." ELLIOTTTTTT NOOOOO

• MILLY FIGHTING BECAUSE THEY CALLED THEIR VIDEO ADVERTISEMENT CRINGE. I WAS RIGHT SHE WAS FIGHTING PARTLY IN DEFENSE OF ELLIOT LETSSS GOOOOOO

• I WAS RIGGGHHTTT ELLIOT WAS HORRIFIED BY MILLY FIGHTING BUT DIDNT WANT TO GRT INVOLVED BECAUSE HE DIDNT WANT TO UPSET MILLY OR EMBARRASS HIMSELF I WAS RRRIIGGGGHHTHT

• "Stop fighting this isnt you 🥺" - Elliot, probably

• OH MY GOD I WAS RIGGGHHTTT FAYE AND DOMINIC JOIN THE GARDENING CLUB I WAS RIGHT!!!!!

• Ms. Cherry is PISSSSEDDDD

• ELLIOT OH MY GOD???? YOU FAINTED??????? THAT CAME OUT OF LEFT FIELD I DIDNT NOT EXPECT THAT OH MY GOD.

• I WAS RIGJT WE DID SEE NEW STAFF (the nurse!!) She seems nice :3

• Elliot: "Oh lord... I wanna die...!"

Milly: "Yeah, he's ok. He's back to normal." LMAO. poor Elliot bro

• He PASSED OUT and still doesn't wanna go home??? Elliot take the free go home excuse it's ok

• awwwwwhhhj he's blushinggg

• FAYE AND DOMINICCCC!!!!

• Faye and Dominic wanted to be friends with Elliot but thought he was avoiding them and Elliot wanted to be friends with Faye and Dominic but was too scared to talk to them,,,, awwhwwhwhw friiieeennndddssshiiipppp

• damn these two are PASSIONATE about their animals

• BRADLEY (PINEAPPLE GUY 🍍) JOINING THE GARDENING CLUB???? MY PREDICTION WAS RIGHT?!??!?! OH MY GOD?!?!?!?!

• He sounds like a really sweet guy

• Bradley. Is blushing. Oh my god

• Man these guys all LOVE Elliot. Treating him like Jake 2.0 LMAAOOOO (seriously tho I'm so happy Elliot has 4 friends now WWOWOOOOO)

• His height compared to Milly I. He's SO FUCKING TALL WHAT. He's gotta be a senior atleast right???? Jesus christ how old is he

• "Who died and made you president of this club?" Dominic you are going up the ranks of my favorite tmf characters at an alarmingly quick rate I'm afraid that when I'm done typing this you'll be in my top 5

• JUMPING UP AND DOWN THEYRE SO SILLYYY

• Clozy Crunch? Wonder if it tastes good 🤔

• BRADLEY CANONICALLY BENCHES 100KG????? THATS LIKE 220.462 POUNDS?????? HES A HIGHERSCHOOL???? OH MY GOD??!??!?!

• THE MUSIC CLUB YEAHAHAHAH

• So real Hailey, princess is a stupid nickname fr

• "Hate is a strong word-" Jake bullied you for 2 years???

"Hate isn't strong enough of a word for me." Real Zander real

• THEY CUT ZANDER OFF BEFORE HE COULD CURSE. LET ZANDER SAY FUCK PLEASEEEE

#letzandersayfuck2024 rip 😞

• awwwhh Elliot's symbolism with the pink cactus flower that's cute

• God they're so awkward I love them

• Milly you are blushing RED girl

• JAKE AND ELLIOT INTERACTION OMG?????

• Hes just gonna. Leave the paper towel on the floor?? 😭 I mean I wouldn't wanna touch it either but atleast kick it to the bathroom??? Jake???

• Jake reprimending himself for embarrassing himself in front of someone and Elliot celebrating the fact he built up the nerve to talk to someone... oh how the tables turn

• AWWW DOMINIC WITH A FLOWER CROWN

• Faye are you HOLDING A FUCKING SPIDER

• Aww butterfly on Bradley's nose

• They're all BUDDIES

• Good ass episode and I was right with a lot of my predictions omg. How did that happen 😭

• Elliot I wanna see more of you and your club YOU WERE FUCKING AWESOME

Anyway that's all I just had to talk about this episode cause it was SSOOOOOSOSOOSOO good. I was literally screaming while it was premiering I was so overjoyed

[sad-stucky-shipper-107]

WOW SO EPISODE 2 HUH?

This guy just str8 up tried to gun down a couple of kids huh?

Why is he so cool

Side note, why is his character design so hot

he is so silly n whimsical i love him

The way he just switches from super silly to super serious skdjkjd

Jesus fucking christ that's horrifying

What a giga chad, I stan

HES SO SMART LIKE DAMN, I COULD NEVER

nEVER HAVE I SIMPED HARDER FOR A FICTIONAL CHARACTER, SORRY SASUKE

Listen. Listen this guy. DO U UNDERSTAND. THIS GUY HAS VIBES. HE IS A- OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS HE?! WHY IS HE SO HOT?! WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ME?!

He truly is gods specialest favourite boy, is what im getting from this

OH GODS. THE ABSOLUTE NO AMOUNT OF EMPATHEY HE HAS CUZ HE EXPETIENCED THE SAME THING. THE COLD AND YET ABSOLUTELY RIGHT ADVICE HE'S GIVING HER- OH GOD- OH SHIT- OH GODDAMN-

[lurlur]

Rating the NHL mascots - Part 2

Part 1 is here

Minnesota Wild

Nordy

What are you, Nordy? Officially, Nordy is a "wild animal" which is just SUPER helpful, Minnesota. Thanks. He's got a sweet face, though. I like the extra colouring that keeps him from being boring. I feel like he'd benefit from some sharp teeth though. Give the boy some ferocity. Assuming he's the kind of wild animal that can be ferocious? WHO FUCKIN' KNOWS???

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 9/10

Horror: 2/10

Fuckability: 6/10

Overall, 6/10. Could be better, but the inability to commit hurts Nordy's potential.

Buffalo Sabres

Sabretooth

I may not have much in this world, but one of the things that I do have is a degree in palaeontology. This goofy looking motherfucker is not an accurate sabretooth cat and I have decided to take that personally. This is a cartoon tiger with dental issues. This is Tony the Tiger's inbred cousin. He's not OK. At least he looks relatively kind, if a little concerned.

Vibes: 5/10

Aesthetics: 1/10

Horror: 1/10

Fuckability: 1/10

Overall, 2/10. Is it too much to ask for to have palaeontologically accurate mascots in 2023?

Nashville Predators

Gnash

Is this a joke? Am I a joke to you? ANOTHER sabre tooth cat? Jesus fucking christ. OK, this one isn't AS bad. It's not good, but it's not as bad as the last entry. Actual sabre teeth, a sculpted cat head, team colours can be forgiven for mascot purposes. The lower jaw is all wrong and the stripes are conjecture at best, but the overall effect doesn't fill me with the same blind rage as Buffalo's cat. Gnash is getting by on a loaded comparison. His name is pretty cool though.

Vibes: 6/10

Aesthetics: 4/10

Horror: 5/10

Fuckability: 3/10

Overall, 4.5/10. Literally skating through because Sabretooth is SO bad and SO fresh in my memory. Take the wins where you can, Gnash.

Florida Panthers

Stanley C. Panther

Florida somehow has two mascots? I'm going with Stanley, but please do be aware of, I assume, Matthew Tkachuk's best friend: Victor E. Rat.

Stanley, here, is a panther. Of course. And he's fine. Just fine. Another big cat, underwhelming design, pretty minimal costuming. He's got a reasonably characterful face. I feel like a good performer could make him work, but in still images he's lacklustre. Sorry, Stanley.

Vibes: 6/10

Aesthetics: 3/10

Horror: 3/10

Fuckability: 6/10

Overall, 4.5/10. Middling score for a middling mascot. Maybe I should have gone with Victor...

New York Islanders

Sparky the Dragon

Got myself tied in knots about this one because the Isles have made some attempts to move on from Sparky, it seems. There's an absolutely horrifying fisherman named Nyisles that I won't ever unsee. The NHL website says Sparky, though, so Sparky it is! He's a dragon! Look at his lil wings! Good teeth, bright colours, horns for holding. What's not to love? Literally nothing. Except the fact that he's mascot for the Isles... but that's not what we're doing here.

Vibes: 10/10

Aesthetics: 10/10

Horror: 4/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 8/10. He's a dragon! I love me a dragon! I don't care!

St Louis Blues

Louie

Louie, OK. Blue, OK. Wipe clean mouth? OK, I guess. Why a bear, though? And why such a pale blue? This thing must be a nightmare to keep clean. Good ear shape, kind face, not quite hitting the bear perfection that is Carlton but a decent effort. The muzzle really is throwing me as a weird design choice. Like, OK, it does make the face more visually interesting but it also just looks like Louie has a skin problem. Does he have mange? We simply don't know.

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 7/10

Horror: 3/10

Fuckability: 5/10

Overall, 5.5/10. Mostly because I'm concerned about his health. I don't want to catch mange.

Detroit Red Wings

Al the Octopus

Oh yeah, now we're talking. I actively hate this for a million reasons but it's so fucking insane that I also kind of love it! I do wish that Detroit fans would stop throwing octopuses onto the ice because that is no fate for a poor cephalopod. But look! It's a giant tentale monster! He looks MEAN! That's not just a guy in a bad fur suit! it's interesting and that's worth big points. I fully believe that Al would beat the shit out of me for no reason.

Vibes: 10/10

Aesthetics: 9/10

Horror: 9/10

Fuckability: 10/10

Overall, 9.5/10. Horrible, never stop.

Philidelphia Flyers

Gritty

Now, this is podracing! Gritty is how you do weird, undefined monster mascots properly. Gritty emerged following construction work at the Philidephia arena and is best described as a force for chaos. The eyes are wild, the energy is all over the place, the flow is spectacular, and the best part of Gritty's launch was the speed with which Philidelphia went from rejecting their new freak to declaring Gritty the new godking. Oh, you think Gritty is an ugly monster? Fuck you, we love them. Gritty is also undeniably a queer ally/icon/community leader? Hard to say exactly, but it's there. Immaculate vibes. Shame we can't say the same about everyone on the team...

Vibes: 10/10

Aesthetics: 10/10

Horror: 10/10

Fuckability: 10/10

Overall, 10/10. Gritty, hit me up. I have a short list of Flyers I need you to eat. Thanks, babe.

Ottawa Senators

Spartacat

Someone please get this lion a good haircare routine? Dear god, Spartacat. You leave the house looking like this? There's something almost endearing about how wet and pathetic this lion looks. He's just giving nothing. I want to nominate him for Queer Eye.

Vibes: 6/10

Aesthetics: 4/10

Horror: 2/10

Fuckability: 4/10

Overall, 4/10. Honestly, it's a pity fuck as well. Someone please help this lion.

Montreal Canadiens

Youppi!

What IS it? A man? Why is it so hairy? It might be a giant (lol) but that doesn't explain much at all. I HATE this. I think that's a fully body beard. You could shave that and maybe find just a normal man underneath. It's SO orange which just looks jarring with the Montreal colours. Bad. I would turn around and walk the other direction if I saw this on the street.

Vibes: 2/10

Aesthetic: 1/10

Horror: 8/10

Fuckability: 0/10

Overall, a generous 3/10. Please never make me look at Youppi! again.

Vancouver Canucks

Fin the Whale

They anthropomorphised a whale. That feels like it should be a crime. Certainly the way they've gone about it is. Fin loses points for having his dorsal fin on the back of his head and not, y'know, his actual back. He also appears to have no tail which is a real shame. Tails are a great design choice in almost every situation. I do like the sharp teeth and red tongue, though. Very suggestive. This feels like a missed opportunity. Fin could have been a lot better but they took the easy path instead of the interesting one. Boo you, Canucks design team.

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 4/10

Horror: 5/10

Fuckability: 6/10

Overall, 5.5/10. I really wanted to like this more. I'm going to think about Ethan Bear for a minute to cheer myself up.

San Jose Skarks

S J Sharkie

No points for originality on the name, but for literally everything I just said about Fin? Sharkie gets it right. His dorsal fin is in the right place, he has shark elements beyond his head with those little elbow fins. Clear evidence that it's possible to make a weird sea creature/man hybrid without being boring AF. The head is a weird shape, but I'm feeling too much goodwill towards Sharkie right now to really mind. Nice teeth, too. I would have loved to have seen rows of teeth, maybe with some missing for a real hockey feel.

Vibes: 8/10

Aesthetics: 8/10

Horror: 6/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 7.5/10. A good score for a very smooth boy. Smooth in every direction.

Arizona Coyotes

Howler the Coyote

Hims feets too big for hims gotdamn shoes! I haven't ever actually seen a coyote before, so I had to go looking for a comparison. Conclusion? Why is his face so wide? I do like the very pointy nose, though. We've seen too many soft faced predators, this boy has a SNOUT. Got some lil teefies too, I like that. And a tail. I keep coming back to the feet busting out of the shoes though, like some teen wolf knock off. I kinda love it.

Vibes: 9/10

Aesthetics: 8/10

Horror: 4/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 7/10. Very good showing for a pointy faced doggo who needs new shoes.

Columbus Blue Jackets

Stinger

Help. Serously, please help me. Look at this thing. It's a bug, meant to be a play on blue jackets/yellow jackets. But I don't know what a yellow jacket is so any cleverness is kind of lost on me. This is HORRIBLE. They really went all in on making this unpleasant and I can applaud that, even as I hate it viscerally. And I do. The eyes, the butt, the rictus grin, the colour... It is offensive to mine eyeballs. I love it. One note, they should have given it another set of limbs.

Vibes: 1/10

Aesthetics: 10/10

Horror: 8/10

Fuckability: 0/10

Overall, 5/10. Awful. I can't look away.

Honourable mention to Boomer, the other Blue Jackets mascot who is just an anthropomorphic cannon. Great moustache. I wonder if Johnny Gaudreau is afraid of it.

Anaheim Ducks

Wild Wing

I do not believe that Wild Wing's designer had ever seen a duck. I'm not sure that the person who described duck to the designer or Wild Wing had ever seen a duck either. I think the description of a duck may have passed through as many as 15 people who had never seen a duck before reaching Wild Wing's designer. Oh Holly, you're so harsh. It's a duck in a hockey mask. OK, so they hadn't seen a modern hockey mask either. I like the mean expression, somehow through a mask, the Donald Duck-esque nudity, and the feet design. Almost a horse-sized duck.

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 6/10

Horror: 5/10

Fuckability: 4/10

Overall, 5.5/10. You're no good, duck. You'll never be shit. You're just like your father.

Chicago Bad Team

Tommy Hawk

That's a turkey.

Vibes: 0/10

Aesthetics: 0/10

Horror: 0/10

Fuckability: 0/10

0/10. Boo.

[mcbitchtits]

the most horrifying part of alien romulus is the fucking facial cgi (as always)

pretty fantastic movie otherwise though, excellent horror. more in line with the original alien than any of its sequels, although it does feel like a lot of the beats are also like "DO YOU REMEMBER ALIEN (1986)??? see what we did there?!"

the writing starts off strong with what felt to me personally like a very interesting approach to, you know, the horrors of capitalism and mining (poverty, dead parents, teen pregnancies, trapped by the remoteness of the environment, company towns and company stores), and it does a fair number of interesting things contrasting that to the parts in orbit (gravity fields, etc.) and, frankly, some absolutely fantastic horror visuals that make you feel like they are really innovating with both creature design as well as like they maybe used to work in halloween haunt mazes? very... personal shots? which i appreciate because i feel like covenant et al were more cinematic, which was fine, but also less horrifying in some ways. the acting was pretty good.

however the facial cgi for [spoiler character] was fucking terrible! this has been my #1 complaint about cgi for going on decades now and i have to be honest, this was some of the ugliest finished work i have ever seen. textures not mapping cleanly, form distention with animation, just real shit work. dunno if it's lack of budget or a bad art/animation director or the ever-present crunch because SFX is ununionized, but jesus fucking christ i hate this shit. it was bad in I, Robot and it was slightly less bad in Tron Legacy and it sucked all over again in Rogue One and The Mandalorian and Dial of Destiny! learn some fucking lessons from animators and rediscover the uncanny valley!!! watch jaws and spend a metric asston of time considering why we see so little of the shark! APPLY THE LESSON

(or, like, you've already got a half-destroyed character, just lean into it and make their mouth mechanics destroyed by acid or something. or make it look even more unnatural on purpose! it's a horror film! there are a lot of solutions and bad cgi is the worst one always!)

anyway i just really DO appreciate any time the alien sequels really dig into the birth/body horror. it's good! more of them should be better at it! fuck off james cameron! (sorry had to get that dig in there) (also, i mean, specifically, all the growth and rupturing and body-breaking, and to a lesser extent all the giger-styled vulvas etc; the actual uh babies and so forth are less interesting to me from a horror perspective. definitely weird and unsettling but also a little slenderman-was-born-on-the-something-awful-forums, you know?)

also effective use of treating the facehuggers like spiders or tarantulas. underrated approach to reinterpreting their horror. (unfortunate time to have a fur gremlin running around the house.) what i liked most about this movie is it managed to take a lot of the existing horror elements of the alien franchise and make them feel fresh and new and horrifying in completely new ways. real good shit.

also i see you weyland-yutani "W" podships, i see you AD and props. go prod team

love the score also. felt almost williams-ish and kinda raidersesqe (in the ark horror sense) and i vibed with it severely

[otakween]

Digimon Adventure 02: The Beginning

So, I saw The Beginning yesterday at an AMC theater. I saw it subbed to keep things consistent. I'm gonna split up my reaction into two parts: experience and the movie itself. Angry rant ahead...

Side note: Why is this movie called "The Beginning?" Are they planning more...? (I mean, they're always planning more I guess lol).

Theater Experience:

Always such a delight to see an anime movie in theaters, it's becoming as common as every-other-month these days which is very exciting! It's very rare that I get to see a movie like this that's a continuation of a series. Usually I'm not caught up enough to do that (although I did watch the Shirobako and Jujutsu Kaisen movies without watching the shows lol).

I had no idea that they were going to give me trading cards as I walked in!! This seems to becoming a more common gimmick these days. When I saw the most recent MHA movie they gave me a mini manga. More of this please! I know it's just cheap junk, but it makes the whole thing feel like an experience :D

Theater was more crowded than I expected and full of geeks, of course. I heard someone's ring tone go off and it was a Digimon sound effect. When the ad for the vital bracelet played one dude proudly shook his wrist in the air. I saw a Gatomon plush and the dude in front of me got so hype for the digivolutions that he started filming it on his phone (which I don't condone, but it was kinda funny seeing how into it he was).

Not a single child in the crowd. I guess this movie is obvious millennial-bait tho, so that's to be expected. (Also it was 7pm on a dark Thursday).

Cute little intro interview with the director was cute. My brain had to adjust to reading subtitles on a big screen. I guess I just don't watch foreign films outside the home too often.

Movie Reaction (MAJOR SPOLERS AHEAD):

WTF did I watch!? This movie was batshit crazy and I have many conflicting emotions. I feel like it was simultaneously super intense and really bland at the same time? Let me elaborate...

Putting aside the new dude for a second, the 02 cast really didn't do much in this at all. They all kind of acted as a collective instead of feeling like distinct people with their own roles to play. Their entire motivations/existence revolved around Lui's plot line which is really a bummer. Some characters, like Iori and Hikari were especially sidelined and bland (not that Iori was that great to begin with lol).

The only scenes I really liked with the 02 cast were when everyone (especially Miyako) was telling Lui to cut the edgy crap and just talk to them. I like when aloof characters are called out like that. Also, I liked the part where Miyako accused Daisuke and Ken of flirting teehee (queer baiting!? In MY digimon??) That got a laugh out of the audience too.

Okay...moving onto Lui's story. Jesus Christ. I liked where it was going at first and thought the whole grimdark, Madoka angle (major Kyuubey vibes) was interesting (if not a little too over the top), but then (in my opinion) they COMPLETELY bungled things!! So essentially, Ukkomon kills Lui's parents and potentially multiple children in their efforts to "make Lui happy" by making all the humans in his life behave "correctly." Horrifying and effectively creepy (especially in the scene where they "puppet" Lui's parents). This all culminates in Lui "killing" Ukkomon and losing his eye (which then gets replaced with Ukkomon's eye). I was on board for this horror angle, but then the 02 kids were like "awwww, poor Ukkomon~" WHAT. THE. FUCK. A kid tells you that a monster thingy killed your parents and your reaction is "but did you try being their friend??" Nooooo! So basically the rest of the movie is the kids victim blaming/gaslighting Lui into submission and he's like "you know what? It IS my fault that my parents died! I should have been a better friend." NOPE. This madness just ruined the whole thing for me. Like, what the hell were they thinking? Anyway, rant over. I'll go back to talking about the not as heinous things now.

I liked Ukkomon's sea angel-based design. I didn't exactly find them cute but they were good at being creepy. It was definitely disturbing to see what happens when a digimon partner is HATED by their human.

The "Unkomon" joke was funny but they didn't give a translator's note or anything so I was wondering how many people in my theater got it lol (I guess it depends on how much anime you've seen).

Lui's digimon eye looked really stupid and I think they knew that because they covered it up for most of the movie. I think it was more effectively shown in brief closeups but anymore than that it was just too goofy looking to take seriously.

The scenes about digimon bonds and the (obviously fake) threat of losing them were boring and cheesy. I think they were going for heartwarming, but something about it was very forced. The stakes definitely never felt real.

At the beginning of the movie they used smartphones to digivolve instead of their D3s...wha...?

Speaking of D3s, when they faded away (weirdly slowly) at the end and Hikari was like "what even was the digivice for anyway?" I had to laugh. That's what I've been saying! The lore around digivices, D3s, Arcs (or whatever Tamers wanted me to call them) has always been so vague. Anyway, I feel like they should be more concerned. Doesn't this mean they can't digivolve now...? (They acted like the power of friendship would just make it happen somehow, but I'm not convinced).

The updated digivolution scenes were fun (and funny to see on the big screen), but after watching Tamers, they still seemed lazily done comparatively. I still dislike that they show the greater digivolution at the start of the sequence. What's the point of that?

The movie started with Bolero, because of course. I had to roll my eyes at the nostalgia pandering. We also got a random reference to the first Digimon Adventure short film. That felt jarring since the animation style is so different.

So like...Lui time traveled and told his abusive mom to "be nice cuz your son loves you" and that just stopped all abuse forever? Riiiight...What is it with anime's crappy handling of child abuse lately? They pulled this same shit in Belle. You can't stop domestic violence by going "tsk tsk" to the abuser!

Rolling my eyes at Lui's introduction: "He's the first kid to ever partner with a digimon AND he has a super special eye AND cool grey hair AND his digimon can grant wishes." Serious "My OC don't steal!!" vibes.

Wait...I don't think they ever followed through with the "Ukkomon is connected to a digimon God" plot thread. Is that for the sequel or something? (Digimon 02 2 - The End? lol)

We got a little shipping stuff with Miyako and Ken at the end there. They had zero chemistry in the show and they continue to have zero chemistry in the movie...yaaaay.

I feel like, other than Daisuke and Lui, they just gave all the other guys the same haircut and they faded into the background lol. Ken just looks like some guy now.

Ukkomon's eldritch design was cool. I wish they just let him be evil instead of misunderstood...

So yeah, the writing in this was kind of a train wreck but I had fun regardless! Very curious to hear the dubbed version someday. How many people reprised their roles?

[tomanyships69]

Part 7 of the the 911 watch through (hopefully people know the drill by now).

Starting off with Hen reciting some poetry, great vibes.

Her wife is so pretty, and they have great chemistry together.

Buck with kids is always the best 😊

This dude is literally howling, he is a dork for sure.

This poor old lady, that dude was in fact Creepy AF.

Jesus christ some poor girl got stabbed to death on the phone, I don't know how an operator can deal with hearing that.

3 babies and a slipped disk, how wonderful.

Oh it keeps getting worse, also Buck so worried and confused when he isn't sure what to do.

Let me guess it wasn't the husband, but even if it is, you see how effective restraining orders are... if you can get one.

Athena is a demon, or maybe just living up to her name. Poor Hen is standing horrified behind her tho.

Now her ex is calling her oof, girl can't catch a break.

Hen, HEN listen to me you have a wife at home don't you even think about it. Stop smiling like that.

Athena knows something's up

Abby said fuck that cop, I'm right lol.

Plotlines are intertwined, very interesting

I'm sorry what the fuck...

She beat that dude to death in front of her mom and both of them are just chill about it.

Wait is this the gay tapeworm guy??

Buck and him just having a casual conversation about diets and body fat percentage smh.

He is so calm and playful about the fucking worm, my god. Bobby is having a normal persons reaction. Grossed out but professional.

Wow a cop apologizing never thought I'd see the day.

Also if that dude was just drunk why was he hallucinating?

HEN DON'T

She did, why would you cheat on your wife who was more than happy to get freaky.

Oh look Bucks at Abby's place, this boy is trying to flirt but is also so wrong about the moon.

So they finally hooked up, I feel indifferent, but I'm absolutely devastated about Hen, I don't know how they'll get through that.

[intertexts]

went 2 the theatre departments opening night of pericles which was delightful, packed full house, extremely stupid over the top production of an extremely stupid play, however unfortunately it's always like bittersweet,,, i miss theater so bad i love being around stagecraft more than like anything ever (why don't i do it? pokes my brain with a cattle prod) . and also the lead is this one theater major who's like, honestly super cute twink u mistake for a dyke vibes except i already fumbled him once after i hung out w him & his theatre friend group one time & then had like a month long mental breakdown over even the fucking theater kids being catholic in kansas and horrified that id even consider another religious friend group while being gaytrans? so i always feel bad about that whenever i go 2 one of his productions because he's got like 26 charisma & every time i go damn maybe i should have continued being friends with them. & oscillate betwen 'holy fucking shit you dodged a bullet marlow!' and 'jesus christ im literally so fucking lonely at this point id do literally anything for real life friends im going to peel my skin off". sad! anyway the play was good <3

[doctorloup]

ACTUALLY FUCK IT, I WILL ELABORATE, STRAP IN, BITCHES

Let me first make the following statements - 1) I come not to bin Caesar but to praise him. WOE.BEGONE is beautiful chaos, an erratic smorgasbord of musical talent, and complex characterisation. I respect this craft, I see how much work has gone into it and I am deeply impressed. Multiple ten-minute plus long fucking musical numbers, season finales with three whole songs in them. The memetic virus that is Old Brush Valley. Wild. 2) However, apart from respecting the music, I massively bounced off this podcast the first time I tried to listen to it, because I found the protagonist such an awful damp weasel of a man. I do not like the wet cat men so beloved of tumblr. I find them deeply annoying. No shade on you all but your kink is not my kink etc. I bounced off it so hard that I actually confused it with Ostium which I listened to around at the same time, and I would describe as fun and poignant, but really rather heterosexual. Woe.Begone is not remotely heterosexual. It is gayer than Quentin Crisp in a little Sailor Suit, gayer than the letter Bram Stoker sent to Walt Whitman saying "I am six feet two inches high and twelve stone weight naked". Gay as Elton John in a feather boa riding up Brokeback Mountain on a bear while sniffing poppers and quoting Oscar Wilde. I should have known. I should have guessed from the fans being absolutely feral nightmare gnomes.  They reminded me of the Stellar Firma fans. That shrieking bucket of wild kobolds snorting ketamine and downing tide pods vibe. That should have been a warning. But they asked nicely and they politely invited me into the discord server and like a fool I humoured them.  I gritted my teeth at the horribly flawed characters and I stuck with it….

Spoilers follow.

::deep breath::

MIKE WALTERS? Stupid idiot motherfucking Mike Walters goddamn fool multiple murderous alternately callous and arrogant shithead or wet as depressed otter’s pocket sociopathic-ARG-playing biggest varmint in the west cowboy motherfucking MIKE WALTERS WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK DID I JUST LISTEN TO? WHAT IS THIS CASUALLY/DELIBERATELY VIOLENT SLAPSTICK TIME TRAVEL FUCKING COSPLAY MURDER FEST? COWBOYIFICATION? Okay I understand this is a clever way for the VA to distinguish between characters played by the same guy, weird fetish aye but I’ve seen worse BUT WHY THE FUCK DOES NEARLY EVERY OTHER CHARACTER DO IT TOO JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON A BISCUIT IN GRAVY I ALMOST STARTED DOING IT MYSELF MULTIPLE TIMES I HAD TO DRINK TEA AND THINK OF ENGLAND TO STOP MYSELF SAYING GET ALONG LITTLE DAWGIE shit here we go again help RULE BRITANNIA WHAT WHAT YOU WON'T GET ME YA BASTARDS

AND ANOTHER THING: IN THE HISTORY OF NARRATIVE NO PROBLEM HAS IN ANY WAY EVER BEEN SOLVED BY RAISING THE DEAD jesus doesn’t count anyway that was consensual NON-CONSENSUALLY RAISING THE DEAD AND THE FACT THIS ENTIRE CLUSTERFUCK STARTED WITH THAT SHOULD BE EXTREMELY TELLING HOLY FUCK every time I hear him talk I just want to shriek OH MY GOD WHY CAN’T YOU GET THERAPY WHY DO YOU KEEP REPEATEDLY RETRAUMATISING EVERY VERSION OF YOURSELF I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND EXPLAIN TO ME WHY ANYTHING YOU EVER DID FROM EPISODE 1 ONWARDS WAS EVER A GOOD IDEA AND YET I COULDN’T STOP LISTENING, SOMETIMES OUT OF SPITE, SOMETIMES OUT OF A HORRIFIED DESIRE TO SEE WHAT HE FUCKS UP NEXT it was like listening to a car crash in slow motion sweartaefuck.

HOW CAN SO MUCH ABJECT HYPOCRISY, USELESSNESS AND NAKED SELF-INTEREST BE CRAMMED INTO THE BODY OF ONE, AND I USE THIS WORD LOOSELY, MAN?? NOT TO MENTION THE FRANKLY HETEROSEXUAL LEVELS OF TOXIC MASCULINITY FUCKSAKE AND WHILE I’M HERE HEY LETS TALK ABOUT THE OTHER CHARACTERS. Edgar “Inexplicably Evil Gluten-free Postman”,  Anne “I support my transfemme sisters but fuck this may be too far”, Marisa “Where in the holy fuck do you keep getting that tank?!” Ng, Matt “I thought you were too sensible to get involved in this nonsense but boy was I wrong”, Ty “No amount of apparently learning to respect boundaries will make up for this level of affably psychotic ‘For Science and the Greater Good’ leering viciousness” Betteridge, Я осуждаю тебя за то, что ты оставил свою собаку с Майками Борисом, Felix “Criminal Offence Against Oreos”, Hunter “Somehow worse than the protagonist, apparently that’s possible” Hartley, Sylvester August “Actually this character isn’t absolutely terrible, which is weird for a Harlan character, I’m usually immediately sus of anyone he plays carry on sir“ Baxter. HAVE I JUST GONE TO THE very helpful thank you WIKI SO I CAN ENSURE I HAVE VENTED ABOUT EVERYONE I WANT TO in this fucking TRAUMA POLYCULE YES I HAVE 

(Hey one second voice actors I hope you know I adore you even those of you who are CLEARLY COMPLICIT in this unstable lunacy anyway it was cool waiting to see which of you would voice the FUCKING MONSTER PEOPLE) 14/10 absolute fucking masterpiece, I look forward to the next episode so I can SCREAM LIKE A BANSHEE AND CALL DOWN THE WRATH OF EVERY HARPY IN EXISTENCE TO WREAK SHREDDING VIOLENCE ON MIKE. FUCKING.  WALTERS.

[miintlxtte]

jesus christ that’s a lot but okay

I assume this is how you play?

1. whats your favorite thing in your room? this is a good question, probably my stuffed animals

2. how tall do you wish you were? like, 5’5? 5’6?

3. what color is your hair? dirty blonde

4. whats a rare fear that you have? worms. I cannot fucking stand them. it’s the way they move why is itlikethatstopittheyFUCKINGMULTIPLY

5. are you single? no

6. has your heart ever been broken? yes

7. what was your favorite thing as a kid? organizing my toys, and owls.

8. favorite coping mechanism? rocking :3 or denying it

9. whats your favorite love language? okay idk if this is receiving but I show it as gift giving/words of affirmation, and I like receiving quality time and words of affirmation!

10. how often do you get nervous? all the fucking time (diagnosed generalized anxiety core <3)

11. if you had three wishes, would you use them? yes

12. if you could be fluent in any language which one would it be? assuming I can keep my current language (english), sign language if it counts, otherwise French so I can ace it in school or Japanese

13. where do you wish to live? canada or something idk

14. what's something surprising about you? i’m not that interesting

15. when did you last shower? last night

16. when did you first join tumblr? shit idk I believe early this year MAYBE late last year i’m baby to this app

17. do you want any tattoos? if so, where, what, and why? okay Im getting one on my arm, matching with my dad; every night we say “I love you to the moon…” “…and back” so that’s what we are getting, and i’ll probably get a semicolon at some point.

18. whats the most prominent dream youve had? it was this horrifying lucid dream where I told my 2 best friends it was a dream and one turned into a demon the other tried to gaslight me. haunts me.

19. whats your dream job? i want to run my own salon or do something with physiology, but I think i’ll be a school counselor

20. whats your ideal date? ok ok ok picnic, secluded spot of a park, watch the sunset, painting. (all of those at once ofc)

21. what do you wish you could do better? play tennis i’m so bad at itttt

22. what country would you live in if you could? I have no clue

23. whos the best person you know? I know too many cool people for that. let’s go Z, M, J, R, C?

24. have you ever walked into something you shouldnt have? 🙁

25. whats your favorite holiday? christmas..I just love the vibes of it man

26. when have you been most embarrassed? I don’t wanna talk about it 😞

27. whats your favorite halloween costume? last year I did kuromi, kinda cool tbh

28. what are you best at? I think i’m good at acting, I can cry on demand and shit (without touching my eyes at all)

29. do you know how to tie your shoes? YES?????????????? WHO IS ON TUMBLR BUT CANT TIE THERE SHOE (unless disabled, obviously)

30. do you have siblings? ya, older sister

31. if you could know one thing about the future what do you wanna know? if I still know my current friends well

32. whats a dealbreaker for you? if they use any of the following as insults genuinely : gay, autistic, retard

33. whats your favorite current class? i’m a fucking nerd so like math or art

34. how many people have you dated? 3 technically but i’m gonna say 2

35. how often do you wash your hair? daily, it’s otherwise a total mess

36. do you daydream? what about? yes, I actually cannot share what

37. where do you go to be alone? my room, lol

38. which parent do you like more? you can’t do this to me bro

39. whats the one standard you hold yourself to? you can feel whatever, but you can’t take your emotions out on people.

40. whos voice do you enjoy? my girlfriends 🤧

41. if you could announce one thing to the world what would it be? “ur mom” or something really deep.

42. whats one thing you wanna do but havent yet? go zip lining!

43. what do you wish you never did? I wish I never left that sleepover

44. do you believe in life after death? nah, not really

45. do you prefer book over movie? I get too bored with both, lets go book tho.

46. whats your favorite season? summerrrr

47. whats your favorite time of day? midnight, or like, 3 am, or 2 pm

48. do you have a beloved stuffed animal? my pink bear! he’s like 2 or 3 feet tall, I won him at a fair, i’ve had him since I was shorter than him. (I think you can guess what he looks like)

49. whens a time you wish you acted differently? oh there’s so many, lets go with my tennis awards banquet last week.

50. what's something you wish that you never bought? this one pen that broke the NEXT DAY. still angry. {its been 3 years}

51. do you have your own room? yep

52. whats your favorite book? under my reading level ofc, but the someday suitcase makes me so emotional

53. who's someone you hate? this girl, K, who has feet pics of everyone, hits my best friend, and says L to serious shit.

54. whats your best hottake? it doesn’t matter what pronouns 10 year old emily uses, an this is form someone who actually can’t use neopronouns and just uses they or there name, how the actual FUCK does it effect you

55. whats your favorite game? probably any of these : sally face, fran bow, little misfortune, there is no game 2

56. whens a time you felt real genuine fear? when I was trying to shower and my sister banged on the door screaming and crying hitting so hard the room shook is one instance.

57. are you a morning person? absolutely not

58. do you drink enough water? …….

59. how different are you from the little kid you used to be? very

60. do you enjoy tumblr? yes

61. have you ever had a tumblr experience that made you wanna delete the app? nah not yet lol

62. whats your least favorite game? uh, idk

63. were you a markiplier fan? no

64. how do you respond to compliments? *nervouse giggle*

65. whats something that would make you fall in love? free bread

66. do you believe in marriage? eh I probably won’t get married

67. do you have a crush on someone? yesnt

68. do you like tumblr? mhm!

69. were you a voltron stan? who?

70. whats your favorite ship? ugh okay so any of these : huskerdust (hazbin), hananene (tbhk), oneminexotori (komi)

71. whats your favorite song? I don’t have one atm, sorry

72. do you like loud crowds? NO WAY

73. have you ever created conflict on purpose? well duhhh

74. how do you sleep? I don’t

75. do you bite your lips? yes :’)

76. do you use chapstick? ofc

77. do you have any pets? yes, dog named marley!

78. what color are your eyes?hazel

79. what's something you wish you could change about yourself? my stomach

80. have you ever had surgery? no thank god, might end up having to for my scoliosis

81. whats your least favorite animal? I don’t have one

82. whats somethina that voure really bad at? speaking. I stutter. it has actually led me to accidentally curse in front of my teachers and on top of that say a fucking SLUR. words don’t work right :( /srs

84. do you have an sqishmellows? mhm! a lot, hello kitty ones too!

85. do you enjoy fast food? yes

86. do you like soda? affirmative

87. what grade are you in? N/A

88. do you wear any jewelry? yes, mainly bracelets and necklaces!

89. what socials do you use? tumblr pinterest yt discord

90. whats your lowest grade in school right now? a D in band (don’t ask)

91. whats the latest youve stayed up till? 6 am

92. did you ever have bangs? yes

93. what trends did you hate? hot take but clean girl makeup

94. whats your favorite item of clothing? ohhh, my zip up hoodies

95. do you like dinosaurs? YESYESYES

96. whats your opinion on body hair? natural and gorgeous

97. whats your least favorite time? 12:21 pm

98. do you make a wish at 11:11? yes

99. do you have your phone on military or regular? military, suck it up losers

100. have you ever been to church? I used to go, yeah

101. are you Igbta? NOOOOOOOOOOOO (yes)

ask game

1. whats your favorite thing in your room?

2. how tall do you wish you were?

3. what color is your hair?

4. whats a rare fear that you have?

5. are you single?

6. has your heart ever been broken?

7. what was your favorite thing as a kid?

8. favorite coping mechanism?

9. whats your favorite love language?

10. how often do you get nervous?

11. if you had three wishes, would you use them?

12. if you could be fluent in any language which one would it be?

13. where do you wish to live?

14. what’s something surprising about you?

15. when did you last shower?

16. when did you first join tumblr?

17. do you want any tattoos? if so, where, what, and why?

18. whats the most prominent dream youve had?

19. whats your dream job?

20. whats your ideal date?

21. what do you wish you could do better?

22. what country would you live in if you could?

23. whos the best person you know?

24. have you ever walked into something you shouldnt have?

25. whats your favorite holiday?

26. when have you been most embarrassed?

27. whats your favorite halloween costume?

28. what are you best at?

29. do you know how to tie your shoes?

30. do you have siblings?

31. if you could know one thing about the future what do you wanna know?

32. whats a dealbreaker for you?

33. whats your favorite current class?

34. how many people have you dated?

35. how often do you wash your hair?

36. do you daydream? what about?

37. where do you go to be alone?

38. which parent do you like more?

39. whats the one standard you hold yourself to?

40. whos voice do you enjoy?

41. if you could announce one thing to the world what would it be?

42. whats one thing you wanna do but havent yet?

43. what do you wish you never did?

44. do you believe in life after death?

45. do you prefer book over movie?

46. whats your favorite season?

47. whats your favorite time of day

48. do you have a beloved stuffed animal?

49. whens a time you wish you acted differently?

50. what’s something you wish that you never bought?

51. do you have your own room?

52. whats your favorite book?

53. who’s someone you hate?

54. whats your best hottake?

55. whats your favorite game?

56. whens a time you felt real genuine fear?

57. are you a morning person?

58. do you drink enough water?

59. how different are you from the little kid you used to be?

60. do you enjoy tumblr?

61. have you ever had a tumblr experience that made you wanna delete the app?

62. whats your least favorite game?

63. were you a markiplier fan?

64. how do you respond to compliments?

65. whats something that would make you fall in love?

66. do you believe in marriage?

67. do you have a crush on someone?

68. do you like tumblr?

69. were you a voltron stan?

70. whats your favorite ship?

71. whats your favorite song?

72. do you like loud crowds?

73. have you ever created conflict on purpose?

74. how do you sleep?

75. do you bite your lips?

76. do you use chapstick?

77. do you have any pets?

78. what color are your eyes?

79. what’s something you wish you could change about yourself?

80. have you ever had surgery?

81. whats your least favorite animal?

82. whats something that youre really bad at?

83. do you have an sqishmellows?

84. do you enjoy fast food?

85. do you like soda?

86. what grade are you in?

87. do you wear any jewelry?

88. what socials do you use?

89. whats your lowest grade in school right now?

90. whats the latest youve stayed up till?

91. did you ever have bangs?

92. what trends did you hate?

93. whats your favorite item of clothing?

94. do you like dinosaurs?

95. whats your opinion on body hair?

96. whats your least favorite time?

97. do you make a wish at 11:11?

98. do you have your phone on military or regular?

99. have you ever been to church?

100. are you lgbtq?

[shen-the-hopeless]

Listen, I don’t even know where to start. Maybe with the fact that every day I wake up knowing I’m going to see him. Freaking Kai. My alt goth co-worker who looks like he walked straight out of the kind of Tumblr aesthetic board that destroys the self-esteem of every woman under five foot five and over 150 pounds. Which, guess what? That’s me.

How can someone be so perfect and so unattainable at the same time? It’s like God—or, I don’t know, Satan—crafted this man to ruin my life. First off, let me paint you a picture. He’s not just hot; he’s unfairly hot. Like, his face belongs in some K-pop music video where he’s smirking at the camera while the rest of us peasants are crying into our Starbucks cups. Even with that stupid COVID mask he always wears, I’ve caught glimpses of his face, and oh my god. It’s almost cruel how symmetrical it is. His jawline could slice through my depression, but it doesn’t. It just deepens it.

And don’t even get me started on his hair. Messy? Sure. But not messy-messy like mine after three days of dry shampoo and regret. It’s the kind of messy that screams, “I spent two hours casually looking this good without even trying.” Whether it’s loose, framing his stupidly pretty face, or tied up in this devastatingly nonchalant ponytail, it’s perfect. How does he do that? It’s infuriating.

And his fashion? Jesus Christ. He wears these loose black sweaters that slide off his shoulders like he’s trying to kill me. Who even does that? Exposing just enough shoulder to make you think about biting it—sorry, what?!—but not so much that he’s trying too hard. Then there are those choker necklaces, the Hot Topic chain pants he literally DIYs, and his knee-high boots with all those buckles. Every time he walks past me, it’s like he’s stomping on my last shred of dignity. He looks like a goth anime husbando brought to life, and I can’t even function in his presence.

And the kicker? He’s quiet. He doesn’t talk to anyone unless they talk to him first. He just sits in the break room reading Tomie or My Dress-Up Darling, minding his own perfect little business, while I’m over here shaking like a chihuahua on a caffeine drip. He’s the literal embodiment of “speak softly and carry a big aesthetic,” and it’s driving me insane.

But here’s the real problem: I’ve never spoken to him. Not once. I can’t. Because every TikTok, every stupid Reddit thread, every piece of content I’ve consumed has drilled into my brain that men like him don’t want women like me. And honestly? They’re probably right. I’m not delusional. I’ve seen those videos where guys dodge eye contact with girls who look like me, scared they’re about to be asked out by someone “below their league.” I’ve heard the stories of men freaking out because some unattractive chick dared to confess her feelings. I can’t risk being another one of those cringe compilation clips.

And let’s not even talk about logistics. Even if, by some miracle, Kai found me attractive—which, let’s be real, he wouldn’t—I have nothing to offer. I wear the same ratty clothes to work every day because I’m $10,000 in debt and can’t afford new ones. I don’t shower every day because what’s the point when your dream guy doesn’t even know you exist? I don’t brush my teeth every day because, honestly, it feels like a waste of time. I don’t even have a car! What am I going to do, ask him out and then take the bus to our date? Yeah, that’s hot.

So instead of trying to talk to him, I just… stew in my misery. And the more I see him, the more I realize something horrifying: I actually kind of hate him. Like, how dare he exist in the same space as me and look that good? How dare he make me feel things I haven’t felt since I discovered Astarion romance fanart on Tumblr? How dare he remind me, every single day, that I’ll never be good enough for someone like him?

It’s not fair. I probably love him more than I love Ezra Miller or Timothée Chalamet, which, judging by my Pinterest board vibes, is saying a lot. And yet, I’m stuck here, just existing in his orbit, unable to do anything about it because I know—I know—that the moment I open my mouth, it’s over. He’ll see me for the desperate, broke, ugly loser I am, and he’ll never look at me the same way again. Not that he looks at me now, but you know what I mean.

And the worst part? I can’t stop obsessing over him. It’s like a sickness. Every time he walks past me in those stupid boots, or adjusts his choker, or flips his hair, it’s like he’s adding another layer to this toxic little fantasy I’ve built around him. I don’t even know if he’s a good person! For all I know, he could be a total asshole. But does that stop me from imagining us bonding over Final Fantasy VII or co-oping Baldur’s Gate 3? No. No, it does not.

I hate him. I hate that I love him. I hate that he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a guy, but I’m nothing he’d ever want in a girl. And I hate that I can’t even blame him for it, because if I were him, I wouldn’t want me either.

So yeah. That’s my life now. Trapped in this purgatory of unspoken lust and self-loathing, all because some goth anime god decided to grace my crappy workplace with his presence. I hope he’s happy. Because I sure as hell am not.

[a-la-folie-et-plus]

Live-blogging my first time watching SAW

- oh shit, starts off full on

- my phone’s on 28%, when it dies I have to stop watching because I’m not doing this on full attention

- NO HEAD! NO HEAD! (Early 2000’s gore is surprisingly bearable)

- why is Laurence Gordon kinda…

- I’ve made it through 6 minutes!! Only 1hr37 left to go and then I can say I’ve survived watching SAW

- what if he just…didn’t play the tape lol

- Adam! (The vine reference…it’s…funny to me)

- oh Lawrence KNOWS they’re gonna kill each other

- puppy dog eyes my beloved

- bathroom’s a lot bigger than I always thought it would be, honestly shit’s SPACIOUS

- if they could just waste as much time as possible trying to get this cassette player that would be great thank you

- honestly what did Adam do

- you could just slide the tape but go off I guess

- it would suck to be Adam, like imagine not being the main character, just being brought in for some guy…objectification

- follow your heart —> kiss Adam

- aww the heart on the toilet it kind of bbg, at least he gave them deco

- Adam why would you pass him the hacksaw. He is trying to kill you.

- great job Adam, now only one of you has a weapon and it’s the one actively trying to murder you.

- workers of the world unite, the only thing you have to lose is your…feet

- I mean, I think he died because he got sawed in half, just a crazy guess

- HE TORTURED A GUY BECAUSE HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF??

- maybe I’m just dumb but like how does the razor wire kill him? What even is razor wire

- that is not a jigsaw piece, that is a misshapen lump. Let’s not reach at times like these

- if I were him I would just have like…not picked up that candle

- cancelling Jigsaw for not normalising mental illness, I’m getting problematic vibes from this guy

- getting homoerotic vibes from him painting a naked man’s body with flammable liquid, like…did he NEED to be naked? Or was that just a want.

- hate to say it but Gordon kinda looks better all grimed up

- oh that’s that one guy! He’s in like every crime show. This man has Stable Employment.

- short break to flex my unshackled legs, charge my charger and turn on the light

- honestly this is still fine, more interesting than horrible

- someone survived? People can do that?

- how come she got the horrifying bear trap and all they got was ankle cuffs? Kinda sexist ngl

- make your choice?? I feel like it’s a pretty easy choice

- oh shit that’s a grenade

- so wait how did she survive? Surely that’s impossible

- girl now is not the time to faff around

- OH WAIT HE’S ALIVE!!

- she could’ve just killed him, honestly that’s on her

- I’m pretty sure she’s evil but girlboss, honestly

- here comes this fucking guy, Jesus Christ

- girl he did not help you let’s be real here

- lightheaded from nerves but I’m half an hour in

- my smart little detective bb Adam

- this is the most fun I’ve had without lubricant lmaooooo Adam tell em

- if he kills the daughter I’m gonna riot. I better not see that fuckass puppet right now

- he’s kinda a good dad, like that was cute I can’t lie

- is someone gonna ask the daughter what the man said to her?? I feel like you would definitely at least ASK

- I’m a good chunk through this movie and it’s only mildly unsettling, I’m beginning to think I’m just a pussy

- sneaky, ranks are breaking in the spacious bathroom

- I am simply not afraid of a man wearing a blanket

- if he kills them I will stop being able to tolerate this “jigsaw is morally grey” narrative, they did literally nothing wrong

- actually the child’s kinda annoying, why can she only make one noise

- did he only have 3 prior victims or did they only have the budget to show flashbacks of those guys

- I’d love to be an over-dedicated detective, staying back from drinks to eat shitty Chinese takeaway at my desk and stay up all night in a rumpled shirt, running my hands through my hair over ‘evidence’

- oop he knew they were comingggggggg

- in half an hour I gotta go cook my spaghetti

- if the puppet move’s I’m freaking out

- call me crazy but just shoot jigsaw the minute you see he’s gonna screwdriver lobotomise that guy? Clearly this mans is bad

- arresting him is objectively more important

- at least pull the hood back, I swear to god

- again, I cannot be afraid of this caped crusader, Dungeons-and-Dragons-ass villain

- short break for my mental health (mommy came home) then back to it and feeling strong

- rahhhh death metal as the killer escapes, I simply have to vibe

- oh he survived, that’s rad

- it’s zander!!

- the girls are fightinggggggggggggg

- glow in the dark paint are you fucking kidding me this film is so unserious

- so do Adam and Lawrence fuck or what

- I don’t know how to explain this but Lawrence’s face is so Lana del Rey genderswapped

- ewwwwwwww he’s so ugly in a suit😖😭😖😖😭

- oh lawd he crawlin

- what in the fuck is. That

- Adam choking is genuinely the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, genuinely why does he do that

- the acting is killing me, why is this a comedy movie

- Adam’s literallt just an urban photographer

- let me guess, jigsaw’s right there and it’s gonna show him in the flash (wow, crazy)

- come out I’ll kill you! - he says, with no weapon and zero upper body strength (I love my pathetic babygirl)

- how did time go that FAST, goddamn

- oh Jesus, kidnapped child moment

- ohhhhhhhh, shit boutta go DOWN

- I really thought these SAW traps were a time-crunch, in-and-out thing, it feels like these guys have so much downtime

- vigilante Adam arc

- is the picture of Lawrence drinking a smoothie really necessary??

- Lawrence killed a hooker confirmed

- it’s giving Nicki Minaj phone call

- why does Jigsaw, a stalker, hate Adam, also a stalker

- Adam’s just a girlboss trying to survive in this modern economy

- they have made no progress out of this goddamn bathroom, these guys are utterly useless

- how come everyone else gets these crazy punishments for running out of time and theirs is like…he just fucking comes in there and shoots you

- the I Need You was unnecessary and gay

- why am I suddenly feeling the urge to also watch the sequel

- could he stop yelling

- Adam is yelling because he is an empath

- nooooooooooooooooo Adammmmmmmmmm

- bitch the time was up!! He wasn’t going to let you see your wife and kid!!

- I appreciate the bit of fabric covering up his gross leg

- see, just like I said.

- get his ass, baby

- are they about to kiss

- why does he fucking sound like that

- why do I feel like he absolutely WOULD lie to him, that sneaky bitch. Tricksy

- That’s a bigass bullet wound

- so that’s not even jigsaw

- who the fuck is that wait what who the fuck is that

- I thought that was what happened to the key!!

- no way he lay there that still the entire time that’s crazy

- game over lmao that’s so funny he can’t be serious