#but like i was so used to having them texting me back all day every day until one of us fell asleep
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shomatoriashi Ā· 2 days ago
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11/10/24; 09:04am
{ 18+ drabbles / headcanons }
[ when you try to break up with them, and they convince you otherwise ]
featuring: sylus, zayne, xavier, rafayel
queued post; published time 02:50pm
[ minors donā€™t interact; by choosing to interact with this content, you have consented to viewing something n-fw despite the warnings. ]
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sylus no longer had the time to be with you, filling his days with various meetings and conferences while you were left to your own devices back at home.
and when your text messages were left unread, coupled along with how your calls would always end up going straight to voicemail-
you decided that enough was enough.
knowing that he had just returned from a business trip last night, you take quick strides towards his office with your suitcase in tow. you had every intention of showing just how tired you were of being neglected by him, and that you were through with being a mere afterthought.
not even bothering to announce your arrival, you grab at the door's handle and fling it open, allowing them to slam against the walls. sylus quirks an eyebrow at you, looking away from the gun he was currently polishing.
"what's this? is my kitten throwing a little tantrum?"
"i'm not your kitten- not anymore." you hiss at him, tossing back your hair while meeting his crimson gaze. "i'm leaving you, and that's the end of it."
a flash of annoyance was seen in his gaze, and he trails his eyes downward, finally noticing the suitcase in your hand.
"is that so?" with a click of his tongue, sylus pushes aside his gun, taking casual strides toward you. when he stands before you, his smirk seems to widen before placing his hand beneath your chin-
yet what you weren't expecting was for sylus to pin you against the wall, tossing aside your skirt while sliding down your panties with his teeth, revealing your soaked entrance to him. as he inserts a finger within your slick heat, thrusting that single digit in and out of you to draw out even more moisture from you, you could no longer resist him-
could no longer ignore just how much you had missed this intimacy with him.
the sensation of it all was enough to make you toss your head back in response, nails gripping at his hair when sylus manages to hold you by the back of your thighs, keeping you upwards using his strength alone before diving into your honeyed sweetness with his tongue. you gasp and unconsciously began moving your hips-
riding his face as your pushed your aching cunt against sylus's eager mouth. using his skilled fingers, he keeps thrusting it in and out of you, drawing out even more of your breathy moans as you felt your abdomen clench in response to your incoming release. within mere seconds, you felt a rush coursing through your veins, climaxing within sylus's awaiting mouth as he groans at there pure taste of you, swallowing all that you had to offer him.
feeling like your legs had effectively turned to jelly, you nearly fell to the ground had it not been for sylus. he keeps you pressed against the wall, using his free hand to unbuckle his belt before pulling his cock out of it. you tremble, seeing the way his lips were still shining from the evidence of your release briefly before crying out to him the moment his cock impales you.
"heh, as if you could ever live without me." sylus speaks to you in harsh tones, fucking you against his wall when his hips harshly met with yours in a series of passionate thrusts. "i won't let you leave me, not when everything i have done was for the sake of your happiness."
even while he was speaking, you couldn't bring yourself to understand him, feeling his cock filling you so well that you gripped him with your walls almost greedily. as if reading your mind, sylus gives you a shit-eating grin, leaning closer to whisper hotly in your ear,
"as if you could live without this cock."
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you knew that zayne was a busy man that had big dreams of becoming the best cardiac surgeon in the world-
however, you felt like you were getting in the way of zayne achieving his dreams.
it wasn't like zayne was ignoring your calls, or remained unavailable because he was ignoring you. that was never the case when it came to him. in fact, you understood that he spent most of his days performing surgeries that would save lives-
and he shouldn't have to deal with you when you felt like you were nothing more than a distraction for him.
when evening came, you arrive at akso hospital with a solemn expression on your face. in your hand was a bag filled with various dishes you had prepared for him. this would be your final act of love and kindness for him before you broke it off with him.
arriving at his office, you felt your throat clench up with anxiety, knowing that what you were about to do was by far your hardest feat yet.
taking a moment to gather your thoughts, you breathe in deeply before knocking at his door. a faint 'come in.' was heard coming from the other side when you invited yourself inside his office.
zayne was settled in front of you, remaining seated at his desk all while appearing worn out. his hair was messy, like he had run his hands through them many times throughout the day. once you shut the door, zayne sees your figure approaching and gives you a tiny smile, "hello darling... what brings you here?"
you couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze, settling the packed meal off to the side before admitting to him, "z-zayne, you deserve better than me."
shock was written all over his face when he stands from his seat, "what do you mean?"
you shake your head while clenching your eyes shut, "i mean- you're someone who surpasses me. you save lives with what you do, a-and i just feel like a distraction to you and your dreams. that's why, i'm break-"
however, your words were cut off when zayne grips at your chin before pressing his lips against yours in a searing kiss. it was enough to make your mind go hazy, forgetting all about what you wanted to say to him when he delves his tongue into your mouth. your respective tongues fought for dominance, and you were losing this battle against him.
"z-zayne, stop, i-i can't think clearly when you do t-this."
zayne let's out a sound between a grunt and a groan, "then don't think, just feel."
and just feel you did.
all forms of coherency were lost the moment zayne places you on top of his desk, shoving aside all of his paperwork before kneeling before you. with your pants off, zayne spreads your legs all while pocketing your panties, wasting no time when he shoves his face within your slick heat.
his tongue was felt tracing at your pussy lips, making you cry out as your hands automatically delve themselves into his hair. you tried to bite down at your bottom lip, not wishing for anyone to see you in this compromising position with your exboyfriend.
knowing the ins and outs of your body intimately well, zayne was able to curve his fingers and swirl his tongue within the depths of your walls. he expertly draws out your honeyed arousal with a groan, and with a final pinch felt at your bundle of nerves, you released yourself completely into his hot mouth.
the intensity of your orgasm kept you in a daze, making you dimly aware of the sounds of shifting fabric before something hot and velvety was felt pressing against your entrance. a single grunt of your name was all the warning you were given when zayne pushes his cock inside of you, not stopping until he was completely sheathed.
zayne sets a steady pace, gripping at your clothed chest while ramming his cock in and out of you. he was panting, unable to ignore the sensation of your tight walls gripping him so sweetly when he tells you-
"i won't let you leave me... not when you're the only thing that keeps me grounded in this world."
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you knew that your boyfriend's life was not only busy, but filled with danger as well.
it wasn't easy, working as a hunter while coming home exhausted nearly every single day. and despite how lonely you felt without him by your side, you figured it was best to end things now before it got too serious.
your heart was still a wreck at the thought of it all, because really, could you break things off with someone sweet like xavier? could you bear the thought of seeing his innocent, blue eyes filling with tears as you broke it off with him?
but at the same time, wouldn't he be better off without you? where he wouldn't need to think about your happiness-
your heart jumps within your chest when you heard the sounds of the door unlocking, revealing xavier as he alerts you of his return. tired, blue eyes met with your panicked gaze, and you felt so anxious that you simply blurted out-
"let's break up."
the sleepy quality of his eyes were gone now, with xavier standing up rigidly, "what?"
you refuse to meet his gaze, afraid that you would turn into a coward and back out. choosing instead to ignore him, you began to ramble all while gathering your belongings together, "it's just, well, you work all the time, and it wears you out. it feels unfair of me to take away all of your time and i just- you deserve less stress in your life, and i'm certainly not helping, being a burden and all, a-and-"
your rants were cut off when xavier stands behind you, wrapping his arms around your front before picking you up. a flustered expression was seen on your face, and you tried to wiggle yourself out of his embrace-
only to feel xavier's arms tighten around you, ignoring your protests when he enters the bedroom before placing you on the bed.
"we are not over." xavier speaks to you in a matter-of-fact tone. "and just to prove that you're wrong..."
he hums, eyes never once looking away from you even as he places his hands down the waistband of your pants, making you gasp when you feel his calloused hands touching at the border of your entrance. "you're not a burden to me... you never were, and you never will be."
you end up gasping while arching your back against the bed, feeling xavier's slender fingers dip inside of you. he thrusts his fingers in and out of your slickness all while pinching at your clit. unable to stop him, you were only able to grip at his biceps, your back arching against the bed as xavier thrusts his fingers in and out of you. the overwhelming sensations of pleasure were almost too much for you to handle-
yet xavier refuses to stop.
he keeps on toying with your aching core, drawing out even more moisture from you when you suddenly released yourself against the palm of his hands just mere seconds later. letting out a hum of your name, xavier extracts his hand from your now soaked panties, admiring the shiny quality of his fingers as evident of your release.
curious blue eyes admire his stained fingers for a moment before putting it in his mouth to lick it clean. "hng... so sweet..." he meets your flustered gaze, blue eyes now eclipsed with darkness as evident of his desire. "i need more..."
filled with desperation and need for you, xavier grips at your clothes, seeming to rip them away from your body before tossing it in a pile on the ground. with both of your bodies left bare, xavier wastes no time when placing his face between your legs, devouring your soaked core a man starved-
and when he manages to thrust his cock within your silken walls, let's just say you both forgot about your talk of breaking up.
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"let's forget all this talk about us being over... and have you ride my face instead."
your eyes go wide upon hearing rafayel's bold words, and you found yourself at a standstill now.
knowing rafayel's passion for art, you felt like you had gotten in the way of his work. there were times where you felt like you were a nuisance to him, especially when he had to stop working on a commission each time you came over, or even called him, voicing your desires to be with him.
despite how rafayel never minded sharing his time with you, your anxieties kept telling you otherwise, the scathing voice in your mind filling your heart with doubt.
like how you were simply an unnecessary distraction for him-
that you were someone that got in the way of his work and dreams-
that rafayel never needed you.
deep down, you knew that your boyfriend never viewed you in such a manner because of how much he loved you-
yet in the end, you allowed your deprecation to win, convincing both your heart and mind that rafayel was only with you out of pity.
but when you tried to break things off with him-
rafayel simply met your gaze while demanding that you ride his face instead.
were you missing something?
"rafayel, didn't you hear what i just said? we're ov-"
"oh i heard you loud and clear, alright. i just refuse to do it." the young lumerian purposely cuts off your words all while giving you a come hither movement with his hand, "now, why don't you be a good girl and ride my face instead?" rafayel was practically purring at you, "i know my princess just feels a little stressed, and she didn't mean to say all those mean things to me."
your traitorous body clenches in response to his seductive words, with your heart racing out of his chest the moment rafayel takes off his shirt. seduction was seen in his gaze when he pulls down his pants and boxers, not stopping until he was utterly bare for you. your eyes immediately see the way his cock slowly became erect for you, making your mouth water at the sight.
swallowing thickly, you could do little than to allow rafayel to grip at your hand, leading you back towards the bed. giving you a wink, rafayel grips at your backside before giving it an audible smack, "you know what you want to do, princess."
your boyfriend was smirking at you, letting out one last hum of your name before laying down in bed. your heart begins to skip its beats as you trail your eyes down to his cock once more, your cunt clenching at the sight of how it twitched in anticipation, waiting for you.
with trembling fingers, you shakily unbutton your blouse, allowing the thin fabric to fall to the ground as your shorts and panties follow suit. when you were left in your bra, you sigh and unclasp it, tossing it to the ground before climbing on top of the bed.
rafayel's gaze turns hungry when he sees your figure approaching him. "that's it, that's my girl." he grips at your wrist, pulling your body toward him as he slides you until your soaked entrance was directly over his face.
"fuck, such a pretty little flower..." you nearly fell on top of him when his finger traced at your pussy lips, teasing you as a rich chuckle escapes from his lips. "all wet and ready for me... come on, princess, you know what you want to do."
unable to resist him any longer, you bite down on your bottom lip and land on top of his mouth, rubbing your slick walls over his mouth. you shiver upon feeling his groan vibrating through you, tossing your head back as his tongue manages to travel inside of you, massaging at your slickness.
"hah..." you felt breathless, your thighs already squeezing rafayel's head as you tried to chase your high. no longer thinking about anything that wasn't rafayel's face buried within your sweet cunt, you continued to ride him, tossing your head back each time his tongue tried to reach even deeper inside of you.
your moans and his muffled grunts were all that you could hear, and when you tried to quicken your pace-
you found yourself needing something bigger to help with assuaging the painful ache between your legs. looking behind, your eyes widen upon seeing the way rafayel's hand desperately gripped at his cock, giving it quick and fast strokes while his tongue kept delving into your core.
not even fully comprehending your actions, you lazily got off of his face, purposely rubbing your wet heat down his chest as rafayel struggled to sit up, "princess? why'd you stop?"
but you ignore his question, not stopping your slow descent across his body until your slick walls gripped at the underside of his cock. you bask in the way the veins seemed to pulse against you, making you let out a dreamy sigh when you gently gripped at his shaft.
"b-baby-"
a low hiss was heard coming from rafayel when you slap his cock against your entrance for a few brief moments before holding it in place, allowing yourself to sink down on him. the young artist ends up tossing his head back at the sensation, letting out a string of curses, "fuck yes! that's it princess, that's it... my pretty girl..."
rafayel was left a babbling mess now, praising you in an almost drunk manner the moment you kept bouncing yourself up and down his cock. "that's my good girl, such a good girl f'me...- fuck!"
you loud cries and whiny moans echo throughout the room, and you rode rafayel's cock with a reckless abandon, earning a smirk from him when he manages to tell you,
"this is where you belong, princess, right here, bouncing up and down on my cock."
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end notes: my thirst for my fave lads men have returned šŸ«  i swear i had this in my drafts since early october, so im happy that i was able to think of a good plot for it just now ;A;
all stories are written by rei; please do not repost, plagiarize, or translate my works!!
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siddyyyyyyyy Ā· 2 days ago
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Unhinged
Jason Todd x Reader
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MDNI wc: 0.7K summary: your roommate finds your messages you send your friend about him. warnings: suggestive themes, no y/n used, actually kind of cringe a/n: my dear friend accidently gave me this idea while spamming me with delicious Red Hood edits (@dollyure), evidence will be shared at the end. enjoy!!
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You never thought this could happen. You were so careful to leave your own thoughts to yourself and never let Jason see the things you tell your friend. But of course, nothing really goes your way for some reason.
It took one thing for you to end up in this situation. One thing. And that was leaving your phone unattented on the sofa for a minute. Unlocked.
It was a typical evening as any other, just getting to relax and wind down at the end of the week on your favourite spot at the couch with your roommate. Jason was always pretty quiet but respectful of the shared space, a good friend if you want to wind down together. You rarely get to see him in the evenings but on days like this, when he stays in, it feels like a small reward for you.
Of course he doesnā€˜t know about any of this. Doesnā€˜t know anything about what your silly texts between you and your friends. You keep it a secret pretty well, so he wonā€˜t think you are a complete weirdo.
Well, until that evening. Setting your phone quickly aside to get to your boiling tea kettle, you forgot to lock it. Jason sits at the other end of the fluffy couch and watches how you scurry away to get the boiling water to a stop. With an amused grin he gets back to his book but keeps getting distracted by the bright phonescreen just a little away from him. Glancing over, he sees the outlines of text bubbles but he canā€˜t see whatā€˜s written in there yet.
He isnā€˜t trying to pry or get into your privacy, but the way the other person spams you non-stop is making him more curious. Whatever this conversation is about, he wants to know if itā€˜s a conflict or some sort of gossip.
Jason checks if you are still in the kitchen and sees you preparing your tea and some sweets. He technically has enough time to snatch your phone while itā€˜s still open and gets to have a look over the texts. Who knows, maybe he will find out some interesting things on there. So, with these weak excuses, he grabs your phone and starts reading through them.
UNTIL YOUR TONGUE FADES COLOUR??? I mean every word I say. Wow. Justā€¦
His brows furrow. What does this even mean? Are tongues even capable of fading colour? With a quick glance to the kitchen, he scrolls up, reading through the older messages.
From the couch, to the shower, to the bed, from the wall to the floor from missionary to cowgirl, straddled on top JUST LET ME HITTT
His jaw drops. Jason quickly composes himself and sits up, clearing his throat. He is sure he will need extra therapy after this. Ignoring the unfamiliar, warm feeling in his lower abdomen, he continues to read through them. Unsurprisingly, he finds a picture of himself in the chat. His profile picture, some random pictures he didnā€˜t even you had in the first place.
Until my throat memorises every vein.
Thatā€˜s the last message he sees from you before you appear in his sight again. Tea in hand, some cookies in the other. But most importantly, your flushed cheeks and regretful expression. His hand drops your phone and his cheeks also flush.
You canā€˜t look into his eyes anymore. This is the next worst thing thatā€˜s ever happened to you so far. There is no way you can talk yourself out of this situation at all. He knows basically everything now. From the fact that you crush on him to the fact that you literally want to devour him whole.
Silently, he sets your phone back to its original spot and gets off the couch to stand up. Again, he clears his throat and speaks up first.
Ā»Iā€˜m gonna pretend I didnā€˜t see all this...Ā«
And before you could apologise or say something to your defense, he is gone, retreating himself into his own room. Maybe even for the better, you canā€˜t imagine how awkward it wouldā€˜ve been if you were to sit next to him for the next few hours.
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here is the so called evidence ( from my friends perspective)
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and this was the final message that made me do this:
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hope you enjoyed it somehow(ā˜…ā€æā˜…)
ā†MASTERLIST
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barcaatthemoon Ā· 3 days ago
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goody two shoes || paige bueckers x reader ||
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You and Paige take the next step in your relationship.
18+
Paige couldn't wait to see you. A couple of days every week, Paige had been coming over to hang out with you. She had gotten used to seeing you, so whenever she found herself unable to come over all week, Paige had been missing you a lot. Most of her teammates had no idea that Paige was going to hang out with you, and Paige kind of wanted to keep it that way.
Azzi and KK knew, but that was pretty much it. You weren't like most of the girls that tried to weasel their way into Paige's life. They wanted to fuck, and while Paige had been absolutely fine with that before, you being different intrigued her. You didn't really seem all that interested in sex with Paige or anybody at all.
"Damn P, what did sweet little (Y/n) do to get you rushing around like this?" KK asked teasingly. Paige didn't pay any mind to it and just rolled her eyes as she continued to gather up her things. "I don't think I've ever seen you like this over a girl before."
"Nothing is going on, K. (Y/n) isn't like that," Azzi said. Paige noticed a slight edge to Azzi's voice. She had noticed it before whenever KK made jokes about you and Paige fucking. Sometimes it was even directed at Paige, but Paige had been trying to pretend that she hadn't noticed it.
"Nah, there's no way that Paige is acting like this over a girl who doesn't put out," KK said. Azzi just tried to ignore KK and left, Paige hot on her trail.
"You really shouldn't let KK talk about (Y/n) like that. She's got a loud mouth, and it'll spread around the locker room. I don't think (Y/n) would appreciate everybody around campus and the internet talking about her like that." Azzi shoved past Paige after that, leaving the blonde a bit dumbfounded. She sent a quick text to KK about leaving your name out of her mouth before she set out towards your apartment.
Azzi's words echoed around in Paige's head. She had heard a couple of frat guys complain about you at parties before, but she hadn't really given it much mind. Now though, she wondered if you had actually ever been with someone sexually before. Paige hadn't taken someone's virginity in a couple of years, and the idea of taking yours kind of made her nervous. She didn't really think that she was special enough to deserve that, but then again, she didn't want to bring it up until you had put sex on the table.
The two of you were taking things slow. Paige understood your apprehension about her, especially with the way that girls had thrown themselves at her when the two of you went out for lunch together. Sometimes they'd have tact to back off once they noticed you hanging around, but most of them pretended that you weren't even there. Despite your insistence that it didn't bother you, Paige knew differently. She had noticed the way you'd be a bit less affectionate with her after these instances.
"Yeah, she's walking over now. Bye Az, I love you," you said as you hung up your phone. Paige looked absolutely trapped in her own head, and all you wanted to do was comfort her. "Hi Paigey."
"Hey baby," Paige greeted you with a quick kiss. She placed her hand on your back as she led you inside. Your apartment was on the bottom floor, which you were pretty grateful for in moments like this. Azzi's phone call hadn't been a very long one, but she had urged you to have the talk with Paige that you had been holding off on.
"So, Azzi called me. She's kind of mad at you," you told her. Paige groaned as she covered her face. You pulled her hands down and pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. "I didn't say that I was mad at you. It's not really your job to constantly defend me."
"Yeah, but it kind of should be. I mean, I'm your girlfriend, and KK just says stupid shit sometimes. Azzi reacts kind of harshly sometimes, but she has a point." Paige looked really down on herself, so you decided that this was as good of a time as any to rip the bandage off.
"Paige, she's only getting mad because she knows that it's not true. Obviously you know that we're not having sex, but I haven't had sex with anybody. I didn't tell you that before because I didn't want you to think that I was a prude or a loser," you admitted. You felt your nerves grow with each moment of silence between the two of you.
"I wouldn't think that about you at all. I like being around you. I like hanging out with you and doing all sorts of things I wouldn't with other people. We don't need to be having sex, and I don't mind waiting until you feel like you're ready for me. I'd be a pretty shitty girlfriend if I pressured you before you were ready, and I don't think I'd be able to honestly say I loved you if I did any of that."
"Y-you love me?" Paige went ghost white for a moment, afraid that she had overstepped. The look of relief that washed over her as you launched yourself into her arms seemed to bring her back to life. "I love you too!"
ā€¦
Something had definitely shifted between the two of you after that day. You weren't quite sure what it was, but you found yourself opening up a little more physically. Now, it was Paige who found herself pulling back between the two of you. At first, she had been very open with her willingness and want to sleep with you, and a small part of you wondered if maybe you shouldn't have told her that you were still a virgin.
"Shit!" Paige swore as she quickly turned around. Paige had asked to come over and take you out to lunch after her morning classes, so you told her to just come right in. You had woken up later than normal, and for the past 30 minutes or so, had been lounging around in your pajamas. You realized a little bit too late that Paige had never really seen you in any state of undress, so to see you in just a t-shirt and boxers was probably a bit of a shock for Paige.
"Paige, it's fine. This is what I sleep in. Don't tell me that you expected me to wear some Victorian nightgown like Scrooge," you teased. Paige cleared her throat as she slowly lowered her hands from her eyes. "Give me a couple minutes and I'll be ready to go."
"I can order in if you don't want to change. I'm sure that with food around, I'll be distracted enough to keep my hands to myself," Paige offered. You agreed to Paige's suggestion and secretly hoped that Paige wouldn't be able to keep her hands off of you.
"What if I wouldn't mind if you didn't?" you asked her. Paige's face went red at that.
"You don't mean that. You don't want me touching you," Paige said as she flopped back onto your couch. You crawled into her lap and started running your fingers through her hair.
"Yes I do. What's up with you, hmm? I've been trying to move things along without pushing, but you keep shoving me back. Is this because of what I told you?"
"You deserve better than some fuckboy like me. You're kind and sweet, and so fucking good that I don't know what to do with myself when I'm around you. I'd love nothing more than to bend you over the back of your couch sometimes and make you scream my name, but you deserve better than that. You deserve someone soft and sweet, and I don't know if I can do that," Paige confessed. You sighed as you twirled some of her baby hairs in the back around your fingers.
"But you are all of those things, you just don't realize it. You've been coming over for almost nine months every single week to spend time with me. You stopped going to parties because I didn't want to go. You buckled down and put more effort into your schoolwork because you noticed that my grades were slipping a little. You love me, and more than that, you put so much effort into caring for me in ways that you don't even notice. Paige, you're the best person that I've ever dated by a long shot, and I've never been so sure that I trust someone with my body more than you."
"I don't know what to say to all that," Paige mumbled. You could tell that she was getting sort of shy, so you leaned down and kissed her. "You really want to have sex with me?"
"Of course I do. I love you, and it definitely helps that you're the hottest girl I've ever met." Paige was smiling hard at your words, and it was like a switch was flipped for her. She pulled you in for a kiss, not pushing you back once even after you deepened it.
Paige moaned into the kiss as your tongue slipped past her lips. She was absolutely loving the taste of you and couldn't wait for more. Paige broke the kiss to begin trailing kisses along your jaw and down your neck. You were panting a little as you tried to catch your breath. The second that you had it back, Paige was right back at your lips kissing you again. This kiss was a little rougher than the one before, and it left your lips buzzing pleasantly.
"Do you want to do this right now?" Paige asked as her hands ran along the outside of your thighs.
"Yes, I'm sure. I've wanted this for a while now. I don't know what changed, but I know that I want you Paige in a way that I've never wanted anybody else before," you told her. Paige didn't need any more convincing after that. She picked you up in her arms and carried you back to your bedroom.
Paige gently laid you down on your bed, and both of you had the realization that she had never been in this room before. You watched as Paige took in as much of her surroundings as she could without disturbing the momentum the two of you were building. She pulled her shirt off, leaving her in a pair of basketball shorts and a sports bra.
You had seen pictures of Paige like that before, but never been around her like that. Paige seemed to sense your interest in her body, and flexed as she joined you on the bed. She grabbed your hand and placed it on her waist, allowing the tip of your thumb to brush against her abs a little.
"Do you have anything on under your shirt?" Paige asked as her fingers toyed with the hem of your shirt. In the two years that you had been at UConn, you had never been to a football game. You were sure that Paige had given you that shirt, as she somehow always ended up with so much free UConn merch as a prominent student athlete.
"No, but you can take it off anyway," you told her. Paige bit her lip as she pushed the fabric up your torso. Paige faltered a bit when she reached the top of your ribcage. You took the last little step for her, and Paige's attention zeroed in your breasts. "You can touch if you want."
Paige acted on instinct and took your breasts into her hands. She pressed kiss after kiss to your chest as her fingers began to tweak and tease your nipples. It as much further than anybody had gotten with you before, and you felt yourself grow embarrassingly wet at the simple gestures.
Slightly uncomfortable by the arousal pooling between your legs, you started to squeeze your thighs together for a little bit of relief. You had only recently began to try getting yourself off, and it was nothing compared to the way it felt as Paige's thigh slotted in between yours. Your head fell back with a gasp as you began to grind against her leg, no longer caring about feeling shameful about any of it.
"Relax baby, I'll take care of you. You deserve better than humping my leg," Paige told you. She placed her hands on your hips and pushed back a bit. You immediately whined at the loss of contact and stimulation, only to gasp when you felt Paige's hand between your legs. She cupped you over your boxers, just barely able to feel a little wet spot through the fabric. "I want you to know before I do this that it's not going to change anything between us. I'm still gonna be right here for you because I love you."
"Paige, I love you too, but please don't stall. I need you," you whined. Paige pulled the boxers down your legs and threw them behind her. She spread your lips open to reveal how wet you were. Paige knew that it had been a while since she had been with anybody, but she couldn't remember the last time a girl had gotten this wet for her.
"Fuck, you are so hot baby," Paige told you. You let out a little whine and pushed your hips forward, hopeful that she'd take the hint and keep going. Paige seemed to take mercy on you, and she let her fingers run through your folds. Her fingers moved with no resistance, stroking you gently before being replaced by her tongue.
"Paige!" you cried out loudly. There was no way that your neighbors weren't going to hear that. You didn't care though, not when you were being brought so close to what you swore had to be heaven. Paige seemed blissfully unaware of how close you were to cumming already as she just continued happily lapping at your cunt. Your fist balled up in the sheets as you let out a string of incoherent mumbles, hips rising and bucking against Paige's face. "Stop. Please stop, I can'tā€¦"
"Shit, my bad," Paige said as she let your legs snap shut in front of her. Paige sat up on her knees, looking at you with the proudest grin on her face that you thought you had ever seen. "So, um, I know this is a stupid question, but how was it?"
"I don't know what I expected, but it was better than that," you told her. Paige let out a sigh of relief as she moved to sit next to you. "Do you think that you could order that food now please?"
"Oh yeah, of course. And, um, I'm gonna go run and grab you something to drink. If you want when I get back, we can take a shower together. Not because I want to stare at you or anything, just that I don't know how strong your legs are gonna be. I'm gonna shut up now because I don't think I'm making this sound any better."
"You're so sweet, Paige. Such a good girl-," you cradled Paige's face and pulled her in for a kiss, "-friend. Absolutely the best."
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noxiwrites Ā· 19 hours ago
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Looking out for you
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Summary; Rafe has the best intentions, despite not acting on them in the best way.
Warnings; mentions of sa, use of drugs (weed), angst, arguments, stalking, obsession, Rafe being nice, soft sweet sex with Rafe, fem oral, multiple orgasms.
Youā€™re sat on your bed scrolling through Instagram when your door crashes open, a blinding mess of dirty blonde hair flying into your room.
You know immediately that itā€™s your brother, as heā€™s the only one who would fly into your room with no invitation- and your parents were away in Rome for the summer, leaving you and Topper to fend for yourselves.
Topper takes a seat on the edge of your bed, chest heaving like heā€™s just ran a marathon, cheeks flushed.
You perk an eyebrow, locking your phone and looking over at him. ā€œWhat do you want Top?ā€
He raises a finger at you, other hand clasping his chest.
ā€œCmon Topper, I donā€™t have all day.ā€
He gulps, nodding his head before trying to talk.
ā€œSo I was at a party with Rafe and I stepped away for one second to answer Rhiā€™s phone call and when I came back he was fighting with JJ Maybank,ā€ he pauses, swallowing. You sigh, not sure what this has to do with you, until he continues.
ā€œI only overheard the end of the conversation but to sum it up they made a bet, about you. Who could sleep with you first- and I know thatā€™s fucked but youā€™re my sister and I had to let you know so now you-ā€
ā€œWait, what? Fucking what?ā€ You ask, incredulous. He nods his head, sharing the same confused face youā€™re sure you have.
ā€œI donā€™t have anymore details, but now you know if either of them try anything.ā€ He looks at you, finally able to breathe properly. ā€œDonā€™t let them try anything, okay? Rafe is my best friend but heā€™s not a good guy.ā€
Your mind is racing with thoughts- JJ Maybank, a name that sounded familiar, but left a small distaste on your tongue. You couldnā€™t put on where youā€™d heard it from. And Rafe- Rafe fucking Cameron, your brothers best friend who you were absolutely sure hated you.
ā€œTopper, what the fuck?ā€ Is all you manage, and he nods his head again. ā€œI know, I know itā€™s fucked and that fucking pogue better stay away otherwise Iā€™ll beat his ass.ā€
You immediately connect the dots.
ā€œWhat, as in thee pogue JJ? Sarah Cameronā€™s pogue friend?ā€
ā€œYep.ā€
When you were friends with Sarah, before she went off to be with those pogues, she had introduced you to them and you could remember one of them acting really weird around you. The more you thought, the more his name sounded familiar. It was the creepy one.
Your mind is racing and you groan, head falling back onto your head board. Men.
ā€œOkay, thank you for letting me know Top. You can leave now.ā€ He looks shocked for a second, before nodding, standing, and leaving your room, shutting the door behind him.
-
The next morning when you wake, and check your phone, you see a text message from your friend, Maddison. Sheā€™s invited you to a little shopping spree on the boardwalk, and who are you to say no?
You could do with some shopping.
Itā€™s when youā€™re getting out of the shower and wrapping your towel around your body that you hear something clink in your room. You know your brother is out on his boat, as he is every Saturday- so who the fuck is in your room?
You grab your hairbrush off your sink, hoping it will suffice enough as a weapon and slowly open your bathroom door.
The person is stood at the other side of your room, back facing away from you as they look out the window.
It doesnā€™t take you even two seconds to throw the brush at them, it landing square in their back with a large thump, before falling to the floor.
ā€œGet the fuck out! Iā€™ve got more where that came from!ā€ You tell, only hearing a chuckle in response. You recognise it from somewhere, but donā€™t put the voice to the face until they turn around.
Rafe Cameron.
ā€œNo because what the fuck are you doing in my room you freak?ā€ You shout, gripping the edge of your towel tighter. He doesnā€™t move, almost drinking you in while in the towel and you suddenly feel more naked than ever.
You remember what your brother told you last night.
ā€œHey doll, lovely way to ask me how I am,ā€ he chuckles again, fingers brushing against your bed as he looks up at you.
ā€œNo, I will not ask you how you are when youā€™re in my room without me allowing you to be,ā€ you scoff. ā€œSo get the fuck out. Topper is on his boat if you need him.ā€
He smirks at you, moving around the edge of your bed.
ā€œIā€™m not here for him, sweetheart. Iā€™m here for you.ā€ He moves closer to you and you take a few steps back into your bathroom.
ā€œLook, I know about your stupid little bet with that creepy pogue. I want nothing to do with either of you so leave.ā€ You tell him, voice faltering as he steps close enough to touch you.
Yes, Rafe Cameron was incredibly attractive. Beyond attractive. But that did not change the fact that you thought he was an absolute psychopath, him being in your room all the proof you needed.
ā€œIā€™m not going anywhere until I explain to you. I knew Topper would run his mouth without telling you what actually happened.ā€
What actually happened? What could he possibly mean by that? When he made a bet about sleeping with you.
ā€œHow about you get dressed so Iā€™m not so distracted and then I can tell you, yeah?ā€
You canā€™t lie to yourself, youā€™re intrigued. Thereā€™s a little tingle between your legs by the way he says heā€™s distracted by you but it disappears the second you remind yourself about the bet. You slowly nod your head and disappear behind the bathroom door, grabbing your dressing gown to cover yourself with.
Rafe is sat on your bed, mindlessly zoned out as he waits for you. You stand at the edge of it, arms crossed over your chest. ā€œExplain.ā€
He smirks up at you, still eying you up despite the more covered choice of clothing.
ā€œJJ Maybank has a very unhealthy obsession with you. To the point where Iā€™m concerned for you. Heā€™s a weirdo. He said heā€™s gonna be fucking you soon and youā€™ve been flirting with him.ā€ Youā€™re lost for words.
ā€œIā€™ve never even spoken to him.ā€ You say, voice small. You knew he was creepy but you didnā€™t think it went this far.
Rafe nods his head. ā€œI told him to shut the fuck up because youā€™d never date anyone like him and that when he made this bet, and I agreed. I figured Iā€™d come speak to you and get you to pretend weā€™ve had sex so he leaves you alone but topper got here first and ran his mouth.ā€
ā€œWeā€™ll, thank you Rafe but I can manage myself.ā€ You say, holding your chin high.
He chuckles, again. ā€œI donā€™t doubt that princess. Heā€™s unhinged, thatā€™s your issue.ā€
Your phone pings and you look down at it, to see that Madison has text you saying sheā€™ll be setting off for you in five minutes.
You sigh. ā€œLook, Iā€™ve got plans. Can you just go? I really canā€™t be bothered with whatever youā€™re spewing and Iā€™m not stupid. I wonā€™t sleep with either of you.ā€ He nods his head, jaw clenching and unclenching as he stands from your bed.
He towers way over you, one of his hands coming up to grip your chin. ā€œYou need to be careful, doll.ā€ You immediately slap him away.
ā€œGet the fuck out of my house. The only time youā€™re welcome here is if youā€™re with Topper.ā€ His jaw is clenched again and he nods, pushing his hands into his pockets and walking out without saying another word.
Fucking hell. You grown out loud, hand coming up to run over your face. Fucking men.
-
ā€œHe said what?ā€ Madi exclaims, almost knocking over her cocktail in the process of disbelief. You nod your head, taking a sip from your own as you lean closer to hear her in the crowded bar.
ā€œItā€™s insane, isnā€™t it? Iā€™m still trying to wrap my head around it myself,ā€ you sigh, eyes searching the bar. Itā€™s crowded, Friday night drinkers out in full force. You think you see a flash of messy blonde darting through the flocks of people, but the thought leaves your mind before it can even form.
ā€œI mean, if Rafe Cameron were wanting to fuck me I wouldnā€™t say no,ā€ madi giggles and you roll your eyes at her, wooing over someone who just isnā€™t that great.
ā€œItā€™s not just that though Mad, itā€™s like he has some perverted older brother watch on me, as if he feels the need to fight my battles for me- and heā€™s yucky anyway. Heā€™s slept with half the cut,ā€
Madi giggles again, twirling her straw in her drink. ā€œSpeaking of,ā€ she blushes cherry and you follow her eyes to see Rafe stood at the bar, mouth moving but eyes locked on you. Your brother stands next to him, completely obvious to where Rafeā€™s attention actually is. He notices you looking right back at him and waves, cocky smirk on his features. You scoff, rolling your eyes.
Of course heā€™s here. Youā€™d never admit that Rafe was hot, or that sometimes you had to close your thighs when he did that stupid smirk. No, never. Not even to madi.
ā€œHeā€™s so totally into you.ā€ She gushes, grabbing your hand from across the table. You loved Madison, but sometimes she just didnā€™t get it. Rafe had been your brothers best friend since you were five, and you knew better than anyone that he was bad news. The more that you thought about it, the more it wound you up.
ā€œWell Iā€™m not into him, or JJ Maybank for the matter. They can both go to hell,ā€ you mutter, seeing that same flash of blonde out of the corner of your eye. You clear your throat, excusing yourself to the toilet.
The bar that youā€™re in is notorious for having their toilets as far away as possible. Itā€™s like they donā€™t want you to go. As youā€™re pushing open the ladies toilet door, something grips your bicep and you yelp, feeling yourself being pulled back.
ā€œRafe Cameron, really?ā€ You immediately recognise JJā€™s voice. Itā€™s gravelly, a hint of anger laced in. ā€œI thought we had something special,ā€ he continues, fingernails gripping your bicep so tight you can feel the bruise already.
ā€œI donā€™t know who the fuck you think youā€™re talking to, let me go,ā€ you demand. If there was one thing your dad taught you to do well, it was to defend yourself.
He scoffs, other hand reaching up to grip your chin. You wriggle, trying to escape his grip, to no avail.
ā€œIā€™ve seen the way you look at me, you want me. Why sleep with him when heā€™s a psycho?ā€ JJ asks, tightening his grip on your chin so youā€™re no choice but to look at him. You had to give him that, Rafe was a psycho. But not like this.
ā€œYou look like youā€™ve got seven stdā€™s, JJ. I can assure you I do not want anything to do with you,ā€ you snap back, ripping your arm out of his grip when he softens, obviously not expecting you to say that. You finally step back and begin a fast pace down the corridor- not making it very far before heā€™s grabbing you again.
ā€œYouā€™re so fucking spoilt- but goddamn, itā€™s hot. I could fuck you right here,ā€ heā€™s pressing all up against you from behind, whispering in your ear. You grit your teeth and reel forward, hands clawing at his around your arm.
ā€œIā€™d let go if I were you,ā€ you grit and JJ laughs.
ā€œYou gonna slick Rafe on me? I donā€™t see him here. Youā€™re mine,ā€ he hums, hand sliding down your dress.
ā€œIf that had moves an inch youā€™re more than a dead man.ā€ You hear, looking up to see Rafe Cameron charging towards the two of you. Youā€™re unsure if youā€™re thankful or not.
ā€œHere he comes, your little guard dog,ā€ JJ huffs in your ear, hand sliding lower. You gather every ounce of strength in you and reel backwards, back of your head smashing into the front of his. JJ cries out, letting go of you and grasping his now bleeding nose.
Rafe looks surprised almost as he pulls you into his side, arm wrapping around your shoulders. This feels different, safer. Youā€™re glad heā€™s here.
ā€œYou broke my nose you bitch,ā€ JJ yells at you, crazy eyes meeting your own. Rafe laughs, almost pitiful at the scene.
ā€œBe lucky I didnā€™t get my hands on you, Maybank. Now fuck off, before I change my mind.ā€ JJ eyes you both, contemplating before eventually stepping past you.
ā€œThis isnā€™t over,ā€ he comments, before disappearing round the corner. You finally breathe, shoulders wracking and shaking with what you realise are cries. This could have been a lot worse.
ā€œHey, hey, Iā€™ve got you,ā€ Rafe soothes you, rubbing circles into your back. He pretends not to notice how your dress is almost at your hips as he pulls it down for you.
ā€œIā€™m just looking out for you, I promise,ā€ he whispers. ā€œYouā€™ve seen what heā€™s like now. You know Iā€™m just protecting you,ā€
You nod. You couldnā€™t imagine what would have happened had he not appeared when he had. You hated to admit it, but you were thankful for him being here afterall.
ā€œLetā€™s get you home shall we? Iā€™ll get topper to take Madison home.ā€ All you can do is nod, gripping Rafeā€™s side for dear life as he leads you out of the bar.
-
ā€œHere, weā€™re home,ā€ rafe squeezes your thigh, where his hand has been the entire drive back to your house. Youā€™re thankful heā€™s allowed you to sit in silence, you donā€™t think youā€™d have the words to talk.
Rafe jumps out of his truck, rushing round to your side to open the passenger door.
ā€œIā€™m okay, Rafe, honestly. Thank you,ā€ you pull yourself out of the seat, hand searching through your bag for your keys. Rafe follows slightly behind you, waiting for you to unlock the door before standing on the step.
You hesitate in the doorway. You could really do with not being alone right now. Youā€™re not scared, or necessarily wound up over whatā€™s just happened, but youā€™d appreciate the company. Whether it be Rafe Cameron or not.
ā€œDo you wanna stay?ā€ You rush out, turning to face him. Heā€™s leaning against the doorframe in what you now notice as a blue knit sweater and some black pants, all of which fit him perfectly.
ā€œDonā€™t have to ask me twice doll.ā€ He grins, hand reaching out to squeeze your hip. Itā€™s a nice feeling, and the blush on your cheeks doesnā€™t go unnoticed by Rafe as he uses the grip on your hip to slide himself past you into the house.
You shut the door, locking it while thinking to yourself. Youā€™re not sure if youā€™ll regret this or not, but thatā€™s a problem for later.
ā€œIā€™m gonna go get a bath I think, but you can make yourself at home in my room while I do,ā€ you tell him, waking up the stairs. Rafeā€™s quick on your heels, constantly keeping close to you. You open your door to your room, flicking your lamp on that illuminates the room in a soft pink hue.
Rafe immediately kicks his shoes off and plops ontop of your sheets, grabbing the remote for your tv like heā€™s been here millions of times before. It feels comfortable, not a single ounce of awkwardness between the two of you. You kick your heels off and walk around to the other side of the bed, opening the bedside drawer. You reach in, taking a grinder and little tube of weed out.
Rafe whistles. ā€œWho wouldā€™ve thought?ā€ You raise an eyebrow, dropping some of the nuggets into your grinder and reaching into the draw for some papers.
ā€œYouā€™re just full of surprises, arenā€™t you,ā€ rafe grins at you as you giggle, rolling the weed into the paper and using your tongue to stick it down. You think Rafe is watching you in awe, but youā€™re not sure.
You finish off the joint, putting all the supplies back into the drawer and reaching for your lighter before shutting the drawer.
ā€œDo you want some?ā€ You ask, standing up and walking to your balcony door. Rafe nods and follows, taking a seat on the chair next to you. You spark the joint and take a long puff, sinking down into the chair.
You twirl the joint inbetween your fingers before offering it to Rafe, who takes it between his lips and takes a puff.
ā€œWhat happened to the bath?ā€ He asks, taking another puff before passing it back to you. You shrug.
ā€œI remembered I had weed and thatā€™s better.ā€
ā€œCanā€™t argue,ā€ Rafe responds, watching as your lips wrap around the joint. You can immediately feel it, all thanks to your dealer getting the best stuff.
ā€œThat was crazy,ā€ you suddenly say, thinking out loud. Rafe agrees as you pass him the joint again, taking another puff. ā€œLike? You said he was crazy but I wasnā€™t expecting that. Thank you for being there.ā€ You ramble, grabbing the joint from him and taking another puff.
ā€œHe genuinely thought we were together you know,ā€ you tell Rafe, passing him the joint again. Itā€™s almost already gone.
ā€œI told him that we were,ā€ rafe says, handing you it back. ā€œYou can finish it sweetheart,ā€
ā€œYou told him we were together? I thought-ā€ you stop mid sentence, unable to form any thoughts.
ā€œI told him that so heā€™d back off. Obviously didnā€™t work, heā€™s lucky I wasnā€™t there sooner.ā€ You can hear the anger in his voice. You take a final puff of the joint, dabbing it out on the table before flicking the end somewhere off the balcony.
You narrow your eyes, turning to Rafe. ā€œWhy do you care so much?ā€ He turns to you, lax as anything as he speaks.
ā€œBecause I do, always have. I wish youā€™d believe me when I say so because Iā€™m not lying. I care about you a lot.ā€
Your mind is running a thousand miles, unable to stop. ā€œBut youā€™re an arsehole,ā€
Rafe grins. ā€œOuch, that hurt, princess.ā€ You clench your thighs together. He certainly has a way with words.
ā€œYou are though- youā€™ve never been nice to me,ā€ you pout, resting your chin on your hand.
ā€œBecause I was scared.ā€ He sighs, looking out at the night sky.
ā€œScared of what?ā€ You ask, oblivious. If you werenā€™t high, it wouldā€™ve hit you like a ton of bricks by now.
Rafe laughs. ā€œScared of my feelings for you.ā€ Oh. OH.
Itā€™s like the brakes have finally begun to work. The car youā€™ve been driving skids to a halt, and it all finally makes sense. Rafe likes you.
Rafe Cameron likes you.
ā€œI just canā€™t control myself around you, princess. I kept my distance in the beginning because I wasnā€™t a good person but Iā€™ve changed. I can manage to be near you now without wanting to bend you over something for my own selfish reasons.ā€ Your mouth is agape. Rafe finally looks at you.
ā€œJJ Maybank claiming to have fucked the girl Iā€™m so passionate about pissed me off. I wanted to rip his head off his shoulders. I thought telling him weā€™d fucked would be enough to keep him away.ā€ Thereā€™s a pool of your arousal building in your panties, hearing him talk about you like this. If heā€™d have taken one look into the thoughts youā€™d had of him this wouldā€™ve been a different story a long time ago.
ā€œI donā€™t want to fuck you for my own sake. Iā€™ve been a selfish man in the past, but I do care about you. I wish youā€™d let me show you.ā€ Thereā€™s a note in his tome that makes you realise heā€™s sincere.
You eventually find your voice. ā€œShow me.ā€
Rafeā€™s eyes meet your own. ā€œWhat?ā€œ
ā€œShow me Rafe. I mean it.ā€
Heā€™s leaning over the table in less than a second, grasping your head between his hands and capturing your mouth in a kiss. One of his thumbs swiped over your cheek and you let out a whimper, Rafe pulling the both of you up to stumble together on the balcony.
His lips leave yours and wander down your neck, hands wrapping round you and lifting you onto the table. You gasp, hands gripping his shoulders as he kisses down your neck.
ā€œYouā€™re on my mind all the time,ā€ rafe whispers through kisses, working his way back up to your lips. He pulls you into a kiss again, pushing himself between your open legs. You feel his bulge press against your now weeping heat and you moan into his mouth, a sound he swallows right up. Youā€™re slowly grinding against him, hands searching all over his back and his hand push your dress up over the curve of your thighs.
ā€œSo fucking beautiful,ā€ he murmurs, eyes drinking in every part of you. Youā€™re thankful you decided to put your pink panties on today, as he seems specially transfixed on them and one of his fingers lingers at the edge.
ā€œMay I?ā€ He asks, eyes searching yours. You nod, but thatā€™s not enough for Rafe. He grips your chin, forcing you to look at him.
ā€œWords, princess, cmon.ā€ You about cream just from his words.
ā€œPlease touch me Rafe,ā€ you whimper, finding your voice. Rafe grins, hand lingering at the edge of your panties finally pulling them to the side to look at your cunt. His fingers toy with the edge of your panties, before slowly pushing through your folds with intent.
Itā€™s so dirty, on your balcony where anyone could hear. ā€œAll wet, just for me huh? Seems like you wanted this too yeah?ā€ He tells you, holding your chin down so you can watch his ministrations on you. Itā€™s down right wrong, how hot this feels right now. You can feel yourself dripping onto his fingers as he pushes a solo digit into your hole, groaning as he does.
You reach forward to palm him through his pants but he stops you. ā€œAh, this is about you. I donā€™t give a shit about myself right now.ā€ He slips another finger in, setting a steady pace as his lips find yours.
You find yourself grinding on his fingers, listening to the small bouts of praise Rafe gives you and the way his fingers set a faster pace.
ā€œIt feels so fucking good,ā€ you moan, writhing ontop of the table. Rafe moves his thumb to circle your clit and itā€™s over for you, crying out as you spill onto his hand and relax onto his shoulder for support.
ā€œCmon doll, I wanna taste,ā€ Rafe tells you, lifting you from the table and taking you inside. Thereā€™s some shitty reality tv playing in the background but you donā€™t care for it much as Rafe lowers you onto your bed, pushing your dress further up and pulling your panties down, throwing them somewhere in the room.
He wastes no time, lowering himself down to your still sopping cunt and diving straight in. You feel him everywhere all at once, hands darting down to his head in an effort to grip something.
You feel one of his long fingers prodding at your hole again and you welcome it with a whimper, nails scratching his head.
ā€œYouā€™re so fucking sweet, could stay here for hours,ā€ you clench around his fingers and Rafe smirks.
ā€œYou like when I talk baby? Good girl, so wet for me.ā€ He coos, lips attatching to your clit once more. You cry out, squirming as he gives you everything like heā€™s known your body for years. His free hand reaches up and pulls down your dress, grasping your nipple.
ā€œRafe, Iā€™m so close,ā€ you whine, thighs locking around his head. He slurps, pushing another finger into your cunt.
ā€œGive it to me sweet girl, cmon. Make a mess for me.ā€ He demands, curling his fingers inside you and itā€™s over again, your high crashing like a wave over you and Rafe takes everything youā€™re giving him.
ā€œGood girl, good fucking girl,ā€ he praises you as he comes up, nose, mouth and chin covered in your slick. Youā€™re aware that the weed is heightening your senses, but you had no doubt that Rafe knew what he was doing.
ā€œYou think you can give me more?ā€ He asks, fingers still toying with your cunt. You nod, absentmindedly- fucked from just the first two.
ā€œAh, cmon, use your words doll,ā€ heā€™s hovering above you, eyes searching yours.
ā€œPlease Rafe, please fuck me.ā€ He grins, hand leaving you as he goes for the belt on his jeans.
ā€œTake your dress off for me sweetheart,ā€ he tells you and you do as youā€™re told, revealing your pink lacy bra. ā€œThat too,ā€ he points to it and you reach behind you, unclasping your bra and throwing it somewhere in the room.
When Rafe frees himself from his boxers, youā€™re shocked. Heā€™s large. Massive even.
ā€œLay back for me, just like that. Good girl.ā€ He praises you, hands all over your body Ashe captures your mouth in another kiss. You feel his tip push into your hole and you gasp, legs trying to close.
ā€œCmon sweetheart, let me take care of you yeah? Make you feel good.ā€ Rafe grips the base of his cock as you open your legs, allowing him to slide in. You gasp, never having felt this full before. Rafe chuckles like he knows, and gives you a second before he begins a slow pace.
Itā€™s so much. You canā€™t keep quiet, especially when Rafe puts his thumb on your clit again and begins whispering into your ear.
ā€œSo fucking tight, so good for me arenā€™t you,ā€ you moan, whimpering yes back as he continues to fuck you starry.
ā€œMā€™not gonna last long,ā€ you cry, gripping his bicep. He nods, drawing tighter circles on your clit. It makes you mewl out, nails scraping down his back. Rafe groans, punctuating his thrust as you do.
ā€œYouā€™re all mine now, Iā€™m gonna make sure youā€™re always looked after. Fuck, you feel so fucking good, cum for me.ā€ He demands, and his words bring you right there. His next thrust is angled just right and you whine out, pussy clenching around his dick in a way that makes Rafe see stars.
Itā€™s like you were made for him.
ā€œWhere do you want me to cum sweetheart?ā€ He asks, and through heavy breaths, you tell him.
ā€œInside. Birth control.ā€ That makes Rafeā€™s hips stutter, his release painting your walls as he finally stops, keeping his dick inside you. Youā€™re both heaving, and Rafe can feel his cum and your own seeping out of you. He reaches over and grabs your chin, pulling you for a kiss.
ā€œMeant it. Youā€™re mine. Gonna take such good care of you.ā€
-
More one shots of this ?
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radfemsiren Ā· 2 days ago
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Remembering my Afghani American best friend from my islamic elementary and middle school whose dad would get drunk every night and beat the shit out of her mother. She begged and begged for sleepovers because strangers in the house would make him leave, and I never told my parents about the situation (I lied and said she had no father or brothers) because I loved spending time at her house and staying up the whole night doing all the things we werenā€™t allowed to do that was ā€œharamā€ā€¦ watching rated r movies, playing horror computer games, dancing to music videos on YouTube, cat walking in heels and makeup, scaring ourselves with creepypastas.
I remember we had a million stupid ass discussions about who the purple guy from five nights at Freddies was, or what a slenderman proxy meant, or if there were illuminati signs in Katy Perry music videos, or if emo drawings of Jeff the killer were hot. Weā€™d whisper fight if BeyoncĆ© or Lana del Rey was a better singer, or if teen wolf or maze runner had cuter boys. She was team BeyoncĆ© and teen wolf.
We had to constantly be separated in school for talking, and we hated the creepy janitor and would throw wads of wet paper towel on the bathroom ceiling for him to clean up later. We got into so much trouble together, and would always smirk at each other in detention when we got yelled at. Weā€™d shoplift lipsticks from the mall, and throw away expensive Quran transliterations from school, and sneak into the teachers break room and steal handfuls of ice and throw them on the imam/principalā€™s desk when he was gone to ruin his paperwork.
I moved away like I always had to do with my constantly migrating family and we lost touch. The last time I saw her in person was when we were still kids at her brothers wedding. I was laughing while I tried to ask her why the bride kept changing into different brightly colored dresses throughout the night. She wasnā€™t listening, and she burst into tears and cried about how her brother was just like her father and did every horrible thing he did. I held her and squeezed her so tight I thought her bones would break.
I recently tried to reconnect with her again but sheā€™s already married, pregnant, and has abandoned social media and texting because itā€™s ā€œharam.ā€ Trying to talk to her was like speaking to a strangerā€¦ she had no interest in any of the things we would spend hours playing with before. ā€œIslam is important to me now, Iā€™m a new woman. We were messed up kids, itā€™s time to grow up.ā€ She told me to never contact her again and hung up the phone.
Sometimes I feel like I failed her, and sometimes I understand that I was a girl trying to survive too.
One day Iā€™ll save money to travel back there and talk to her in person. Iā€™ll snap her out of it. Weā€™ll spend all night up together again doing every terrible thing our teachers and parents and religious leaders warned us against, and laughing the whole way through it. Weā€™ll get kicked out of bars and get into trouble and snicker our way through it all, knowing weā€™ve already won. I still have her dirty, worn, my littlest pet shop horse she gave me when we first met. I hold it in my hands when I see news of the whatā€™s happening to the women of Afghanistan, and I feel like Iā€™ve failed her again. That Iā€™ll forever be stuck an immature child and her a miserable adult, both of us doomed, unable to be saved from our fates in the end.
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myalgicpierrot Ā· 7 hours ago
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u/Long-Day-815: So... Chorus.fm (an old music website with pretty good inside knowledge) has been talking about this for several days now, prior to the post. Some tidbits from a bunch of different users (every thing in quotes is a Chorus.fm post):
10/30: Thread is posted in this very subreddit saying MCR is doing a TBP tour in baseball stadiums. Gets the announcement date wrong.
10/30: "Heard there was holds on baseball stadiums in multiple markets........... presume average cap is more like 30k for most of them."
10/30: "Black Parade. Book it." "Yes. These shows will be fine, especially since there are so few. They might take time to sell out but they will sell."
10/31 (after the Reddit user's announcement date was wrong): " I didn't hear anything about an MCR announcement happening today. I did, however, hear about a stadium announcement happening on November 12. That's all I know right now."
11/8: " MCR tour is going to have different openers for each city. Be prepared to think a mixture of "ok that makes sense" and "hahahaha wtf?" for the selection they have lined up. "
11/8: "This is getting announced on Tuesday right? I think that's the last I heard "
11/8: "I've had a few drinks so will spill some tea subtly/not so subtly. MCR Openers include: WAKE ME UP (Evanescence), Life Taxi (Death Cab for Cutie), Vince Furnier (Alice Cooper), Fight Club (Taking Back Sunday?), long-ass Instagram posts (Thursday), and my personal favorite and biggest WTF of all the openers: a band that wears the good kind of red hat (Devo)"
11/8: "They're playing metlife, support for that date rules"
11/8: "The US leg is apparently pretty short (heard "about 12-15" but can't confirm it so would have people travelling too"
11/9: "Welcome to Rockville were reposting polls for band suggestions with MCR the clear winner a whole back and apparently replied like "we would never" to someone messaging them "don't play with us about mcrā€. Not confirmation but suspicious. Danny Winner previously booked MCR for Aftershock and Dunes for that / louder than life so he does have a working relationship there. Just speculation"
11/10: ā€œRumors suggest they were taking offers from European festivals (but declined) a few months back, also rumors they were trying to get UK dates at the minimum."
11/10: Frank posts cryptic shit on IG.
11/11: Thursday posts a teaser of New Jersey upside down (Metlife) with the "...in the dark of a stadium" lyric
11/11: MCR posts teaser on IG. Frank and Mikey verify it's real.
11/11: "some details. black parade anniversary tour. July through September. All stadiums."
idk how much truth to it this has. but it's sure something. devo.
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sunnyie-eve Ā· 2 days ago
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32 | Oh Lord
Series: Unexpected
Paring: (Matt Sturniolo x OFC Brock!) (Chris Sturniolo x OFC Brock!)
Word Count:Ā 1k
Warnings: none
| MASTERLIST |
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"Wait, wait, wait. The plan is for you three to be in the and cook us burgers for dinner?" Dani asks laying on Matt's bed as he sat at his desk.
"Yeah, Chris thought it was a good idea and help us save money from eating out." He spins around to face her.
"If something happens, I'm not helping."
"Don't worry, the smoke alarm won't go off." He laughs facing his computer again.
"Why would it even need to go off?" Her eyes widen so he just shrugs his shoulders. She gets off his bed going to Chris's room, "Whatever you guys do.... Don't try to make the smoke alarm go off."
"No, that is actually my worst fear doing this video." He tells her quickly agreeing with her, "I'm terrified about it might going off."
"Well then don't make it go off!"
"I'm gonna try not to!" He shouts back.
When the guys get back from the store Dani watches them set up, "I'm scared that all three of you are in the kitchen cooking. And following Chris's lead..." She makes a face.
"You have no faith in me. Watch, I'm going to make the best burgers ever and she's gonna take it back." Chris tells her and then his brothers.
"I'm scared of your way too. Dani might be right." Matt tells Chris.
"Dani just go to your room." Chris points his finger at her and Nick woo's, "Or hush." He adds.
"Can y'all just not make a big mess?" Dani asks them but Nick and Chris were bickering, "Matt, you know how I am about the kitchen. I hate when it's messy." Dani says so she looks over at Matt, "Are you ignoring me too?"
"No, I hear you." He lets her know before she leaves to get her phone.
When she comes back she sees what they were doing, "Guys, are you serious?" She asks them.
"This doesn't seem too smart." Chris looks at how they have it plugged in.
"Obviously!" She shouts at them as Nick shows the viewers how they have it set up.
Right as they start, Chris already dropped the meat on himself making Dani say she can't watch so she goes to her room. With the guys alone now, Chris plays around a lot since Dani can't tell him to stop.
"Stop." Matt tells him.
"Double 360."
"Dani would slap you." Matt laughs at him.
As more time passes it was Matt's turn to help out, "I want Dani." Matt whines as he messes with the meat getting tired of helping.
Both Chris and Nick laugh at him, "She always cooks so it's her day off in here." Nick tells him.
While the boys cooked and Dani was in her room she was texting Sam. They were making plans to hangout this upcoming weekend. She would go visit him while Colby was out of town with his girlfriend. She was just asking for a break from everything to relax.
"DANI COME TRY THIS!" She hears Matt yell for her.
When she comes out she sees Chris using a paper plate to fan the smoke away, "Oh, Lord."
"Just take a bite of this." Matt rushes over to her so she can take a bite of it so she does, "It's good, right?"
She nods her head going for another bite, "Not bad."
Sam: Yeah, I'll make sure your room is in perfect condition.
Back in her room she was packing a few things to take on her little trip to visit Sam to get away from everything.
"You moving out?" Chris laughs entering her room.
"No, I'm leaving in a couple of days to go hangout with Sam. A little vacation from here." She laughs.
"No Colby?"
"Nah, he's on a trip with his girlfriend." She tells him still fixing her bag.
"Have you even met his girlfriend?"
"Nope. Just know her name. His dating life isn't any of my business yet mine is all of his." She laughs.
"What dating life? You don't have one?" Chris laughs playing around with her.
"Exactly and it's his fault. He hates every guy I like or scares them away."
"And he doesn't 100% like you living with us as well." Chris adds.
"He likes y'all just not that I live with boys. He doesn't trust me... or Matt a bit."
"He trusts me? Does that mean he doesn't see me as a challenge?" He jokes.
"It's just we aren't as super close you know what I mean? Like Matt and I are. I can't explain it but you know?"
-
It's been about a week since Dani left and honestly the boys hated not having her home. As soon as it passed three days they felt like a piece was missing. Sometimes the boys would catch themselves either getting ready to shout for her or walk towards her room.
"Has Dani told you when she'll be back?" Chris asks Matt as they sit in the car so Matt nods his head, "I- I still don't understand why she chose you to be the closest to."
"K."
"I just mean... Nick is still right there. You know?" Chris tries to explain, "They got years vs our months. I just feel like... Like, y'all's connection is unfair." Chris keeps going as Matt just stares at him, "You two are just always attached at the hip and,"
Matt finally cuts in, "Are you gonna create a problem?"
"No."
"I don't force her to hangout with me. She comes to me because you or Nick are busy doing whatever." Matt explains to him.
"It's still unfair."
"How?" Matt asks confused.
"Just is."
"Oh well." Matt shrugs.
"I'm gonna ask her."
"What like on a date?" Matt asks.
"Why not? You think she'll say no?" Chris asks, "I gotta get some kind of information to see if she likes one of us." He adds as Matt didn't seem to care for the idea, "You hate the idea of it!"
"Go ahead." Matt tells him not believing he'll go through with it.
"Bet, I will."
"Okay." Matt nods his head, "How are you even gonna go about it?" He asks curious.
"I have no idea but I'm gonna prove that I'm not gonna chicken out of asking her."
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icewindandboringhorror Ā· 1 month ago
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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bondagebimbo Ā· 13 days ago
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now Iā€™m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because theyā€™re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they donā€™t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didnā€™t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so ā€¦ ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but Iā€™m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, Iā€™m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isnā€™t the first time theyā€™ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. Iā€™m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because Iā€™m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because youā€™re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, yā€™all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then donā€™t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because youā€™re just constantly making shit worse on people since you canā€™t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ā€˜loseā€™ scripts. fuck out of here.
and Iā€™m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and Iā€™d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATMā€™s nearby because they donā€™t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. šŸ« 
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while Iā€™m laying on my fucking side, Iā€™ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon theyā€™ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, Iā€™m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and Iā€™m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
Iā€™m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just ā€¦ not exist ā€¦ for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now šŸ« šŸ˜­
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldnā€™t cost me $250 ā€¦ā€¦.. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ā€¦ā€¦..#but I donā€™t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it šŸ« #nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know Iā€™m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and Iā€™m fucking over it.#plus Iā€™m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed Iā€™ve got her#all because she couldnā€™t afford it so I said Iā€™d cover it and she never paid me back. Iā€™ve bought her at least a grandā€™s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and sheā€™s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ I donā€™t expect it. I give if I have it. but you canā€™t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ā€˜friendā€™ because they donā€™t even OFFER to be considerate#of course Iā€™d say not to worry about it but it doesnā€™t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but canā€™t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because sheā€™s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you canā€™t play that you donā€™t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that Iā€™m buying every once in a fucking while when Iā€™m already paying for everything fucking else#Iā€™m so angry and I know Iā€™m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when youā€™re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and arenā€™t so bitter when youā€™re let down šŸ« šŸ« šŸ« #because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and Iā€™m just.#I actually fucking give up. I donā€™t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just canā€™t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when Iā€™m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control itā€™s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I wonā€™t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and thatā€™s fucking bullshit. Iā€™m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since itā€™ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. Iā€™m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because itā€™ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I canā€™t control my mind like this. Iā€™m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and Iā€™ve only been off them for two days
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lisxdumbr Ā· 6 months ago
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The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah
#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now)#anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back#and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck#she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me#BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad#i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa#anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since#the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?#in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem#they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt#recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times#and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so#what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything.#anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was-#ā€well it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to peopleā€#and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group-#-and they never informed me so. thank you?#and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw#and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation.#she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason#ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care-#-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends#so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much#rant#vent#?#woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all#I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now
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willowfey Ā· 1 year ago
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until theyā€™re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didnā€™t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#itā€™s still the only place in the world i feel safe. thatā€™s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesnā€™t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if iā€™m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly iā€™ll think i hear someone shouting and iā€™ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here itā€™s been getting worse. i donā€™t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place itā€™s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my motherā€™s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now iā€™m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#iā€™m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i canā€™t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesnā€™t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasnā€™t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. yā€™know???#but at the very least iā€™d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i donā€™t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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todayisafridaynight Ā· 7 months ago
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Iā€™m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if theyā€™ve interacted before, but couldnā€™t find anything! Sorry for asking Iā€™m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh
hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]
i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..
#snap chats#//twenty page google doc in the background// ignore that. it's mostly for comedic purposes#might also be my fault idk sorry about that. allegedly. idk ive had like three people tell me they started to ship them cause of me šŸ§ā€ā™‚ļø#@mementoasts is another person who's drawn masadai and whose stuff i love and am inspod by .. i love their disneyland fic sm ...#there was another artist on twitter who posted a neat drawing of them but i cant remember who they were and i didnt bookmark it //screams//#recently there's been ANOTHER masadai artist ive started following on twitter - @wifekiryu. his account's n/s/f/w fyi before you go looking#he has a tumblr too @foxdies. i say cause i realized as much recently vjeaKLGJALKGJ#oh but I GUESS ill get deeper into why. /i/ personally ship masadai or whatever#first off they're opposing factions yet their character alignments Do Not Match their roles. stereotypically anyway#aoki who leads the 'surface' of society and is meant to be an admirable figure and someone 'just' when really. he sucks LMAO#though that's not atypical of politicians but just from a stereotypical This Is A Respectable Individual perspective of his role#daigo on the other hand leads the 'underbelly' of society- yk comprised of dangerous criminals and outcasts and whatnot#yet as we know him daigo's compassionate and considerate of his men- he doesnt treat them like tools like aoki does#if put in a room with the two daigo would be most people's choice of person to hang out with. probably open a trapdoor on aoki tbh#and i think thats really cool and epic i always love that kinda Subverting Expectations thing#theres also the fact they both started off like. edgy/angsty in the franchise and then brush up down the line#masato does a stronger 180. publicly. obviously but its still really funny they both have to get their act together#if you wanna talk about in-text reasons. there really is none LMAO I TELLS YOU masadai is pure crack#but if i wanted to pull a muscle reaching then there's daigo being on aoki's side while everyone else is on arakawa's during the funeral#im lying of course. mitsu was behind him. rgg tryna make me forget mitsu exist .... put him back in y8 ....#and ofc ichi joins that side to even out the seating but moving on another Goofy Reason is arakawa being like#'the chairman and my son are like p much the same age Surely he knows how he thinks :)'#and then i just think daigo being all smarmy about outsmarting aoki is really goofy and im choosing to interpret that as personal#they both also have issues with their dad. s. dad/s/. anyway.#tbh the google doc tag was a joke but i really could sit here and list every dumb reason why i think theyre funny together#like i started going over the tag limit so uhhhh yeah needless to say i have a lot of. dumb reasons šŸ’€šŸ’€šŸ’€šŸ’€#one day ill use the main text for long rambles like this but todays not that day Point Is my imagination is rampant im afraid#so the short and sweet of it is I Think It's Funny. And They'd Be Terrible Together. Which Is Why It's Funny.#and the unfortunate part is anything i find funny i obsess over for a year so. //gestures to the mountain of bullshit thats my masadai tag/
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phagodyke Ā· 4 months ago
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yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...
#well thats okay. eventually itll come up naturally. and if not well. it doesnt make me feel very okay. but its not a big deal#and i guess ill meet ppl in the future who will curate a different idea of me and maybe therell be fewer misunderstandings#<- coward who CAN communicate to save their life but not in any lower stakes situation for their happiness n quality of life#we <3 repression n insecurity. maybe if i keep digging at the corner of this bit of the labyrinth with my spoon ill get out someday šŸ˜Œ#anyway.. theres my daily vague vent post got it out of my system#wanted to do it earlier but ended up not having much time after work n then called friends which was nice :^)#also i never have signal at work these days.. my boss has said shell get me on the staff wifi tho cuz i do need it for work reasons#its rare to need it for work purposes bc we all use work pcs n stuff anyway and not rly supposed to use mobiles in the lab#but yeahh.. god i have so much admin shit to sort out also gotta text family back before i sleep i forgot to earlier#its all good.. also my memory foam pillows turned up so i no longer have to steal my roomies extra one for my neck pain <3#ik she was missing it... not to sound like a creep but it was nice that it smelled like her a little. just familiar innit#we're always around each other so its just what being home smells like to me.. listen i have a sensitive nose šŸ˜”āœ‹ļø#if we were a lot closer i would ask if i could sleep in her bed while shes away but we're not so it would come across sooo weird..#and i would feel rly weird abt someone sleeping in my own room without me there. well maybe not actually. as long as they werent snooping#<- guy whose mother used to go thru their shit all the time n struggles to not feel paranoid and distrustful when it comes to privacy#was thinking recently my ideal living situation w a partner would be separate rooms but we still share the bed sometimes#but not every night bc im a sensitive sleeper... but we can switch bedding so i can still smell them if i wake up in the night alone#like how new mothers trying to get babies used to cot sleeping each have a cloth or blanket and swap every night#so the baby is comforted by the blankets smell and sleeps more peacefully.. and momma finds it easier being apart from the baby too#sorry this is getting gooey and weird my meds have been wearing off the last couple hours im so sleeppyyyy šŸ˜­#well.... maybe everything can wait until tomorrow..... bed is calling..#goodnight everyone muah#.diaries
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girlcrushau Ā· 8 months ago
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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lightblueminecraftorchid Ā· 3 months ago
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itā€™s not fair that so much of my memory and cognitive function is tied up in something I cannot control or reasonably prevent
#blue chatter#EMDR therapy is genuinely helpful#but Iā€™m starting to hate how much it impacts my ability to function afterwards#I donā€™t wanna feel like my consciousness is detaching from reality like a moist sticky note after every session#I donā€™t want to have gaps in my memory for hours afterward#itā€™s not fair that other people inflicted all these traumatic experiences onto me#and now I have to process them and suffer the consequences#I told my therapist today that Iā€™m angry at myself for not being able to spin enough plates#that if I had just been more attentive and had more energy and worked on my homework like I should have#I wouldnā€™t have suffered nearly as much from the deep distrust and constant surveillance academically#and if I hadnā€™t been so easy to manipulate and groom#my parents wouldnā€™t have had a good reason to violate my privacy and read all my text messages and browser history#Iā€™m angry that I never earned my right to privacy#and Iā€™m angry at my brain now (even though I know itā€™s unfair)#why canā€™t I just process this like a normal person#why do I have to have all these new scary symptoms Iā€™m not used to#why canā€™t I just get therapy and face my traumas and anxieties and get over it quickly#and I know thatā€™s unfair. and Iā€™d never say that to somebody else.#I just want this all to be over with. I want a life where I donā€™t just stop functioning once a week.#I hate having to write off the rest of the day after a session because nothing gets done#and my brain turns into goo and I feel floaty and spacey and strangely unable to move or think#itā€™s not usually like I canā€™t respond at all. or pay attention. it just takes so much effort. and my body and brain feel strangely heavy#and clumsy. like Iā€™m walking in a mech suit or something.#I want my brain back.#but I know that getting it back means doing this work now#which sucks and I donā€™t like it. esp since I donā€™t know for sure that this will ever go away.#itā€™s scary to lose memories of important events and lose chunks of time and feel like I canā€™t trust my own version of events#how can I know if Iā€™m being gaslit if I cant trust my memory already? it terrifies me that Iā€™m so vulnerable#anyway. rant over. sorry yā€™all.
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milkstoner Ā· 4 months ago
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I don't have an insta šŸ˜”
I do have to respect that honestly.
#instagram is one of the worse social media apps i use it only to post my own photography and scroll on my fyp which is well curated somehow#btw if youā€™re trying to date dont communicate on instagram#exchange numbers. keep that boundary and keep it sacred#dont let whoever ur trying to date see your social media presence#even worse if their dms are on silent who tf are you and whose dms are you trying to avoid?surely not mine#how are you going to set up a date with me when your insta DMs are on silent. you havent responded to me and its been 6 hours the day of!!!#how is it 3 pm and its your day off and we were supposed to have a date but youre acting like youre beyoncĆ© omg text me the fuck back#plus you havenā€™t texted me two whole days#and im mad about it cause thatā€™s a very attractive long haired peruvian man i mean wow! fuck this#had to block cause even if there wasnā€™t any commitment im not letting myself be disrespected the fuck#anyway if a man asks for your Snapchat specifically he is a serial killer and he will murder you OR he is twenty years old or younger#if a man asks for your TikTok he thinks youre in high school. we all are too classy for TikTok#TikTok is the temu of apps just trashy altogether. you open and thereā€™s aliexpress-reminiscent adsā€¦ewā€¦Iā€™ve only posted a few times#but every time i open the app i feel like Iā€™ll catch lice it just feels unclean#we talk about twitter and how ass it is to use which is fair but tiktok is worse i meanā€¦UI nightmare#a man that uses TikTok is off the deep end you canā€™t save him#heā€™s frying up his attention span. meaning he wont be able to focus on you as he should because you are a queen#instead heā€™ll think about skibidi toilet or some shit does anyone know what that is?i dont#imagine kissing a man having no idea he has that fucking ā€˜oh no oh no oh nononoā€™ audio stuck in his head#a man should read a book and even then that should be fucking controlled#im reading Freud right now and its torture. tbf it does happen to be sexuality theories#girl its fucking gross#academia is cooked cause in what world do i get creds for reading the most wack books in the history of ever?#Iā€™ve read 11 books and half of them were boring#this Freud included and its repulsive to read and not even true.#why is it 2024 and im still being taught untrue info just cause old man from old times wrote it#i could clear freud. he literally was a cokehead#in the end heā€™s a man like the rest of them and if you show him TikTok his brain cells will be cooked#so who won?
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