#but like a single convo would fix everything

[mugloversonly]

Just talk to each other!

Trailer park Steve AU part 64

part 1 | part 63 | tumblr masterlist | ao3

cw: angst, big gooey feelings

—

When Steve gets back to the boathouse, Eddie’s shaking like a leaf; has to touch Steve like a blind man, pat his hands all over his face and down his arms and across his chest. “Know I’ve— got no right to a-ask this of you,” he says through chattering teeth, “but… would you—?”

…Goddammit.

“Get over here,” Steve says. He draws Eddie into him; squeezes as hard as he can, one arm around Eddie’s waist, the other cupping the back of his neck — skin to skin beneath a mess of matted hair.

He says nothing.

There are things he could say; probably should say right now — things like ‘you tried to kill me’ or ‘I almost let you,’ or ‘you just left without saying anything, Eddie, how could you do that?’ — but it feels like treating a wasp sting when someone else needs a tourniquet.

Eventually, the shivering stops.

Eddie pulls back with a bashful expression. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

They move to sit down on the floor — side by side, shoulders touching, toes over the edge of the hole in the floorboards. The water moves like ink beneath them, and Eddie looks so beautiful it makes Steve want to die. His hands twitch at his sides, the small, lovesick part of him begging to know why they stopped touching; wants so desperately to press his fingers to the dark circles under Eddie’s eyes. To sink them into his hair and never let go again.

Even though Eddie doesn’t want that.

Even though he left.

Pain zips behind Steve’s eyelids like lightning, leaves the taste of copper on the back of his scorched tongue. He reaches up and pulls his hair — sharp at the root; needs the distraction. Can’t let himself think about his stupid heart right now.

Whatever, or whoever, this Vecna thing is, Steve knows it feeds on grief. Feasts on it; scents sadness in the water like a shark chasing blood. He can’t just swim into the ocean and cut himself for sport. Not unless he wants to end up like Chrissy.

Eddie opens his mouth and offers Steve another knife. “You can say it, you know.”

His tone is gentle; probing — eyes earnest, chin tucked.

“Say what?”

“Ohh, y’know.” Eddie puts his chin in his hand; clucks his tongue. “Whatever’s got you all, uh…” He furrows his brow and pokes his tongue into his cheek, licking back and forth over the smooth skin inside. “I can take it.”

Steve schools his expression. “What if I don’t want to say anything to you?” It’s quiet. Level. Less heat than he intended.

Eddie’s hand comes up to his heart. Chin dipping lower, psychic damage sincerity in his ridiculous Bambi eyes, he locks Steve into his gaze.

Holds him there.

Holds him; nearly makes him squirm.

“Then I’d say I deserve that, too.”

The faintest flicker of a smile; a spark of flint in a pitch black room.

Steve can’t help but catch the flame.

His lips land on Eddie’s with all the delicacy he can manage, hummingbird wings beating away inside his chest. The kiss is soft. Almost timid. Fucking perfect when Eddie starts kissing him back; just feels right; memory slotting into place after weeks of amnesia. Fervent noises, pressing harder, every movement like an oath, Steve pours himself into Eddie — gets his hands back under his hair, tangles his fingers behind his neck and nestles his thumbs in the hollows behind Eddie’s ears. Lets himself come home.

Eddie pulls back enough to whisper, “Jesus Christ, I missed you.”

It’s the wrong thing to say.

They both feel it — the bubble bursting. The prolonged whine of a balloon deflating to the floor.

Steve slips from the embrace, hugging his arms around his legs, listening to their harsh breaths in the stale hush that follows.

Eddie mirrors his pose. Taps his fist against the top of his other hand, rings clacking. “Shit, Steve,” he sighs. “I’m sorry. I’m— I’m so fucking sorry. For all of it. For everything.”

“It’s fine,” Steve lies.

It isn’t.

Nothing ever is, these days.

—

tag list in separate reblogs under '#trailer park steve au taglist' if you'd like to filter that content. if you want to be added please comment and let me know (must be over 21; please either verify in the comment or have your age visible on your blog)

[milfbrainrot]

"claire's a bad mom" claire chose to have her kids claire tells her kids bedtime stories and claire pretends not to be in life threatening danger when she's terrified for her own and her kids' safety to help them stay calm and literally only wants to know if they're okay before prioritizing herself and keeping them far away from danger by rescuing herself i think ur just racist

[wikiangela]

.

[crucialplayer]

how good are zodiac signs at lying + tier ranking 

!! everything is based purely on my experiences with signs, written with no other purpose than to share my observations and be unserious. 

excellent liars + can cause a significant amount of stress 

Pisces (unintentionally made it to the top). You know how it's said to be a good liar you have to believe in ur lies? Queens and kings of that. Live in another dimension and process everything through their mood (and it changes A LOT)/or their relationship with the person they are talking about. Hence the «they’ve changed» and «it's different this time». They rarely lie out of a negative spot tho, it's simply how their emotional filter works and distorts reality for them. Also despite being good at lying they just use those Pisces eyes to get what they want. This imo works more for Pisces Risings and Pisces Venuses. 

Libras. It's vital to them to be liked and well thought of so a lot of the time they’ll say and do whatever grants them precisely that. Can be very eloquent with their words, super socially conscious. Can navigate a convo without ever sliding into remotely misbalanced territory. Ig a libra lie giveaway would be if they are in a situation with two or more extreme opinions – it might cause them to get overwhelmed and lost. 

pretty good + can cause a moderate amount of stress 

Geminis. Not surprising I know. Earned and fought for their rightful place. Will lie for fun (mostly). Their motivation for lying is that of an elementary schooler – to see exactly how far they can get away with. Nevertheless, imo they are not as evil with it as they are made out to be. It's merely a way of getting mentally stimulated at any time of the day because without it they would honestly die. Quite easy to deal with too. You either play their game and start lying for shits and giggles too (works if ur goal is for them to like u) or ignore them (it takes about 2 minutes until they get bored and move on to another). Tbh anything in Gemini in ur big 6 will give u this result to some degree. The reason why they're not higher is cause their lies typically don't have the longevity of those above.

Сancers. Cannot stand feeling threatened so they’ll do anything and I mean anything to keep that sense of inner safety – including lying. Basically, if something is even slightly intruding on what they consider their comfort limits –  they will lie their way back to their precious shell. Ig it gets a bit problematic cause often they feel the threat without there being one. And since they are literally the opposite of clearing the air right on the spot you’ll seldom get a chance to catch that moment when they get into their defensive stand. Works for Sun or Rising/Mars maybe?? + If u have both bonus points to the insanity u might cause.

might try to lie but will probably fail + no stress pure fun

Leos. Will try to lie if they feel like their ego might suffer a bit or their social status is under attack, but you will notice it cause honestly there’s not a single emotion they can hide on that face. I’ve noted that they normally hate lying as a phenomenon in general (might be cause it makes them feel unstable and they are a fixed sign + all that ego protection). Besides they don't consider lying as something needed for them to gain love (them being themselves usually does it). Prideful lil babies (I’ve seen Leo Sun or Leo Stellium be like that). Aries. Оk these ones often don't even try. Don't have the patience to analyze the situation and how it might benefit them to lie – they rush straight into react mode (and they are pretty entertaining in it). Same as Leo don't consider lying necessary for them to get what they want – they just go after it and get it.

сan lie in theory but prefer other methods of torture

Scorpios. Lying is too easy and they like to be elaborate with their victims opponents. In all seriousness in my experience they won't appreciate you lying, and won't lie too. They crave that soul bonding hard and lying doesn't really say I want to belong to u with every ounce of my being. If they like you chances are you are sincere in how you feel towards them and they will let you know too. This obviously all falls apart if you have wronged them in some way. Then bye. 

Tauruses. It’s simply tooooo much work and effort. Also generally requires reacting quickly and they would rather exit the situation altogether. And you will like them for other reasons and they know that so ig that’s why they just chill and wait for theirs to come naturally. And it does. And they will be smug about it.

can lie but actively choose not to + hence can cause a lot of stress

Virgos. Would never deprive themselves of the pleasure of being mean critical (esp Virgo suns). Feel like it's their life mission to point out flaws and inconsistencies so they won't tell white lies regardless they like you or not (might be super annoying to you – to them it's everything). But it's useful to have someone that tells you how it is (this line def belongs to Virgo too). Also think they are too smart anyway so they’ll get what they need through that.

Sagittariuses. Pretty obvious. In their world it's either telling the truth or having a heart attack right then and there. It can be so bad that you will ASK them to lie and they still won't. I think it's partially because to them any thought that comes up in their head is worth sharing so there u have it. Good thing they can be funny with it but not always… If they have Sag Sun and Sag Mercury it's this but on steroids. 

could not care less + stress levels caused are moderate but for other reasons…

Capricorns. Too busy to notice you, let alone talk to you, let alone lie to you… But if they do a) you have something they need for their GOAL therefore you have value b) ur somehow got to their inner circle but they still won't lie. They will tell you how it is only to save their time. Can be mean (but honest!!!) but I think they genuinely don't realize it (unlike Virgos). 

Aquariuses. Also too busy but usually with made-up stuff. Don't need to lie since people don't understand them either way. Too focused on bigger plans bigger picture bigger anything to come down to such low topics like intricacies of human interaction. To be fair they are really chill and really could not be bothered. 

[lenaellsi]

i've mentioned this before and it's a Hot Take maybe but. i don't think it's fair at all to characterize crowley's "you and me, what do you say?" speech from s2 as being equivalent to "fuck the earth run away with me to the stars right now" a la season 1

i guess i can see why it might come off that way, with gabriel and beelzebub having just left and crowley drawing the comparison to them, but a lot of people have sort of extrapolated from that this dichotomy where suddenly aziraphale is the one who cares about saving the world and crowley only cares about himself and aziraphale. and while i think crowley certainly prioritizes their mutual safety and is more likely to get spooked when faced with threats from heaven (i wonder why) crowley also loves earth?? he talks about it all the time.

the last time there was an apocalypse, crowley was the one who proposed saving the world, and he had to talk aziraphale into it. and like...he was planning breakfast at the ritz, wasn't he? he didn't want to leave. obviously "you can't leave this bookshop" meant "you can't leave me," but it also LITTLE bit meant the bookshop, and earth.

the circumstances of s1 were very different than the end of s2. crowley only wanted to run in s1 when 1) the end was about 4 hours away, 2) from his POV he and aziraphale had no idea where the antichrist was, so they wouldn't be able to stop anything even if they did stay to die with the humans, 3) aziraphale was about to Talk To Heaven the same way crowley tried to before the Fall, 4) demons were actively pursuing him for purposes of torture and annihilation. and in the end, he STILL stayed.

idk. if we're going to give aziraphale the benefit of the doubt for the Many Things he said in that convo, then i think we can afford to give crowley the benefit of the doubt that "we need to get away from them" and "go off together" might mean something more along the lines of "please don't go back to heaven, stay with me, it can be the two of us against them all." THAT was what crowley's emotional arc this season was leading to, with the flashbacks and his big revelation in ep 5, the same way aziraphale's was leading to leaving. every single one of the flashbacks had crowley choosing to help someone else at great personal risk--why would that lead to the conclusion that he actually wants to leave without trying to help? (of course, he did want to abandon gabriel. but I don't think that was even a little bit irrational after aziraphale's failed execution. walking away from the heavenly host who has done nothing but hurt both of them is not the same as walking away from earth. it's still a problem--ignoring heaven and hell will not, ultimately, fix anything--but again, it's not the same as abandoning humanity on a whim.)

TL;DR I don't think it's a fair reading to say that crowley's proposed solution to The Heaven And Hell Problem is "fuck humanity, let's give up." i think he was proposing working together against heaven and hell with the option of an exit strategy if everything went wrong, which is what he ALWAYS tries to do. (see: arrangement + holy water.) his need for an escape route and his tendency to prepare for the worst is something that is definitely hindering him in, for example, his relationship with aziraphale, but it also makes sense. because, you know. the last time he tried doing anything about heaven he got his wings lit on fire. so.

[doctor-hopper]

I'm really tempted to comb through his lines about luck and write meta on it, because even off the top of my head, looking only at DR2/Dangan Island content, it's like

His FTEs frame bad luck as being part of good luck: bad thing leads into something good enough to compensate

But he has at least one Dangan Island line where he anticipates something bad after experiencing something good

And interestingly considers nothing much happening to him to be bad luck in Dangan Island's ending, even though he had a good time, which warrants some unpacking (my current hypothesis is it's because his impending death is making him desperate to make his life meaningful, not 'waste' his remaining time)

Not all of his examples fall neatly into his luck cycle model, especially not the FTE version where the events are connected. The diagnosis and HPA admission were separate-ass events, in DI's ending he expected his convo with Hinata to go well because of the aforementioned general '''bad''' luck too, the events of chapter 5 are hard to sort into the model, some DI interactions make it sound like he just has extreme outcomes sometimes (eg. he'd win capture the flag first try every single time), etc etc.

I have a feeling at least some of the way he talks about his luck is copium, especially in his FTEs since he really had to focus on the idea of bad -> good in the killing game. But as you say, he could have been intentionally oversimplifying... and if he actually thought the cycle worked both ways, saying he lives in fear of bad things every time something good randomly happens might've veered too close to genuine vulnerability. Which he avoided (by his standards anyway- I think he lacked awareness of how bad the kidnapping + plane stories were) until the final FTE.

Either way, I definitely need to scrutinise his lines more :'D

A ton of good points! Komaeda’s luck is fascinating and nowhere near as clear-cut as he originally makes it sound. Fics where he tries to “game the system” and finally gain some sort of control over his luck are interesting—but honestly, I feel like he’s already been trying to do that for as long as he’s lived. And he exercises an impressive amount of power under those restraints! But…also.

As for anticipating something bad after experiencing something good, I do think the way Komaeda portrays the order of events is just what he tells himself and/or Hinata. In reality, good and bad luck are two sides of the same coin to him—the real important part isn’t the order, it’s that nothing good can happen without something bad happening too. Everything has a price. Luck is a zero-sum game.

(He touches on this again in 2.5 when he says there’s “a fixed amount of luck in the world” and so he’s content to suffer the bad luck for everyone else’s benefit. In the dream-world sim, the luck he experiences is apparently “ideal”, but it still has to exist. There still has to be an Omelas child of sorts. Komaeda would just rather it be himself.)

As for good being caused by bad vs. just following it, it definitely happens both ways and he’s definitely contradicted himself. Beyond that, even, there are cases in the game where it’s not totally clear what sort of cycle is involved in the luck he experiences. In 2-1, he draws the short straw simply because he wanted to. Was the bad…offscreen? Was it the killing game itself? Would “being forced to clean” actually count as bad luck even if he wanted it? Was it then followed by the good luck of finding the secret passage? People hypothesize that his luck works differently in the simulation according to his own belief, which would complicate things even more, but I’m sort of back-and-forth on that theory. There are arguably examples of luck working the way Komaeda claims it does in DR2, also—such as getting the Despair Disease the worst out of anyone thanks to his compromised immune system, but being able to discover in the hospital that Tsumiki was the culprit. ending up in the hospital but meeting a lovey-dovey nurse GONE WRONG

I’ve always read the Island Mode ending as copium myself. I do definitely think he was hoping for a chance to die meaningfully on the island, and I guess in his mind that could be bad luck, but it doesn’t really fit his model. The way he tries to nudge Hinata into agreeing it’s bad luck, the scene reads to me like he just needs to believe it’s bad luck so he can solemnly ask Hinata to be his friend. (And I think it’s notable that in the word he uses for friend here is 友達 tomodachi, which in this context could be understood as more of a personal friend—everywhere else, he’s used the word 仲間 nakama, comrades, to refer to the whole class as a unit.) And remember, being loved by someone is another way that Komaeda’s death could have meaning—so even if he didn’t end up in the climactic situation he was expecting, perhaps he’s realized there’s another way to get what he wants. :’)

But, yeah, what decides if something is good or bad luck for Komaeda though? I think even that’s not always clear to him.

I’ve heard the view that it “gives him what he immediately wants while taking away what is subconsciously valuable to him” (from TheAmityElf, I think) which is interesting, especially to play with as a writing tool, but not ultimately convincing. Some events could be loosely mapped to that pattern, but others contradict it a bit—you can’t tell me he just wanted money, and he did actively try to turn down his invitation to Hope’s Peak.

Which is now also making me think: Since the diagnoses and the invitation weren’t directly related, do you think he even connected them in his mind at first? What if he didn’t, and so he was afraid that by going to Hope’s Peak he would be invoking even more bad luck yet to come?

One more interesting dimension of his luck to think about is whether it hurts others vs. himself. In 2.5 it only hurts Komaeda, but that’s not quite the direct opposite of his real luck, because his real luck gave him cancer and dementia! However, it also does seem to be proactive in protecting him from actual death in both 2.5 and the rest of canon.

I’ll conclude this reply with this…relevant blackout poetry (blackout infographic?) I made years ago and which you suddenly reminded me of, lmao.

Silly coda: This is why Komaeda’s favorite word is eucatastrophe.

(…How lucky, then, that people say “Komaeda, eucatastrophe!” to him all the time!)

[yaniluvs]

𝒾𝒾𝒾 ┆ 𖡎 (승민) : STARS AND RAINDROPS “ 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖’𝑑 𝑔𝑙𝑎𝑑𝑙𝑦 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑘 𝑚𝑦 𝘩𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢.. ” ── great, your crush-best friend just invited his crush to your hangout.

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𓍯 bsf!seungmin ʚଓ fem!reader ：（ 𝒾 ） 1.5k ── ༯ SERiES, angst, mature, fluff, comfort, petnames, unrequited love, melancholy, one sided, skz ensemble, music students, happy ending, trio of seungsung and reader, uni au. ⸝⸝𓂃 LiBRARY. /ᐠ.ꞈ.ᐟ\ྀིྀི

yani's note ˖˙ ᰋ fun chapter, jisung yapping as usual, had fun writing this heh. taglist for all fics/this series is open, so are requests. i'll try to stay as consistent as i can ;3. comments, likes and reblogs are always appreciated ! happy reading <3

the three strolled to the small bench they always shared in the garden, ice creams in hand, the air around them thick with the scent of rain that had yet to fall. jisung, as usual, was full of energy, bouncing between topics as if the silence were something to be defeated. seungmin, in contrast, was quiet, his eyes scanning the horizon as he occasionally chimed in with a wry remark or two.

the girl had quietly sat on the bench, slightly apart from them, her journal in her lap as her eyes drifted across the pages. she wasn’t writing, not yet—just flipping through the fragments of her thoughts. she wasn’t in the mood to speak much, and she didn’t have to. 

as y/n sat quietly on the bench, flipping through the pages of her journal, seungmin and jisung sprawled out on the grass nearby.

"do you think you'd survive in a zombie apocalypse?" jisung asked suddenly, taking a big bite of his ice cream as he glanced over at seungmin.

the guy raised an eyebrow, wiping his mouth. “where in the world did that come from?” and the squirrel-guy just shrugged in response.

slightly side-eyeing the guy beside him, seungmin spoke. "you? in a zombie apocalypse?" he scoffed. "you’d trip over your own feet before a single zombie even showed up."

and jisung gasped in exaggerated offence. “excuse me? i have incredible survival instincts. i’d be the last one standing, okay? you’d be the one complaining about the lack of the internet.”

seungmin rolled his eyes, leaning back on his hands. "first of all, i won’t even need wifi. and second, you’d be too busy vlogging the whole thing to actually fight off zombies."

jisung groaned, dramatically clutching his chest, whining. “y/n look, he’s being mean again for no reason.”

the girl briefly looked up at the call of her name, seemingly distracted, before looking back to her journal, “whatever min said,” she babbled randomly, clearly not knowing the convo.

seungmin laughed at the guy’s dumbfounded expression, a smirk tugging at his lips.

“it’s because i’m the heart of this friend group, that’s why,” jisung said, puffing out his chest with mock pride. “without me, everything would be boring and depressing. admit it, min. you’d miss me if i got eaten by zombies.”

seungmin laughed, shaking his head, when the girl spoke again, her gaze fixed onto the book on her lap. “ji, he probably wouldn’t even notice your absence.”

“touché,”

jisung huffed, throwing his hands in the air. “i bet you would notice, though, y/nnie!” he glanced over at her, but she was back to quietly writing in her journal, completely immersed.

seungmin followed jisung’s gaze and gave a small smile before turning back to him. "she’d probably miss you just so she could have someone to make fun of."

"well?" jisung grinned triumphantly. "even my insults have value. i provide endless entertainment."

seungmin shook his head, but the smile on his face lingered. “you’re lucky i tolerate you.”

“oh, come on, you love me,” jisung teased, leaning over and nudging seungmin with his shoulder. "i’m your favourite, right?"

seungmin leaned away, narrowing his eyes. "you’re… tolerable. barely."

“wow,” jisung said, rolling his eyes, “you really know how to make a guy feel special, min.”

"i aim to please," seungmin deadpanned.

as the golden hour bathed the park in a soft, amber hue, the brunette’s gaze wandered across the sprawling canvas of the evening. the air was cool, tinged with the faint scent of summer blooms, and the distant murmur of city life seemed like a gentle backdrop to the moment.

then his eyes fell upon the girl, seated on the worn wooden bench beneath a sprawling oak tree. her presence was an understated symphony against the natural beauty around her. 

her dark hair, flowing in silky waves, caught the dying light like a raven’s feather dipped in twilight. the strands framed her face with a certain grace, slipping through her fingers as she adjusted her position, her movements delicate and unhurried.

her soft, azure blouse draped over her shoulders like a whisper, the fabric catching the wind with a subtle shimmer. she seemed to merge seamlessly with the twilight, her attire complementing her poised, yet introspective demeanour.

in that moment, she appeared both serene and distant, her focus entirely absorbed by the journal cradled in her lap.

the famous journal, a leather-bound book with a hint of wear along the edges, was a vessel of her thoughts and dreams. her slender fingers danced over the pages with practised ease, every movement imbued with a silent intensity. 

her brow furrowed ever so slightly, the tip of her pen moving in graceful arcs that spoke of her inner world—one that he could only glimpse through the quiet reflection in her eyes, as she bit down onto yet another pepero.

her tinted lips, that wrapped so neatly around the chocolate coated stick, shortening with each nibble.

 seungmin felt an unfamiliar twinge in his chest, a fleeting sense of admiration that mingled with the evening’s tranquil melancholy.

 he observed her with a gaze that was tender yet distant, like a painter admiring a muse through the veil of a dream. 

there was a beauty in her quiet solitude, in the way she seemed to be lost in a realm of her own making, untouched by the external world.

yet, as he watched her, a subtle, yet firm realisation anchored itself in his thoughts. 

his heart, despite the gentle stirrings of affection he felt in her presence, was already attuned to another melody. 

the truth was a quiet storm within him, a reminder of the emotions that tethered him elsewhere. the affection he felt for her was like a soft echo in the recesses of his mind, but it was clear and unequivocal that his heart had already chosen a different path.

the knowledge was both comforting and bittersweet. 

he appreciated the serene beauty she brought to the world, her presence like a soothing balm in the complexities of life. 

but his own affections lay elsewhere, woven into the fabric of his own reality. 

he knew, as he continued to watch her, that his admiration was tempered by a reality he could not ignore.

or could he just not see.. beyond her.

with a gentle sigh, he turned his gaze away from the girl, letting the evening’s shadows deepen around him. 

he allowed himself to be drawn back into the conversation with jisung and the fading light of day, carrying with him the quiet appreciation for a friend who, in her own way, had captured a moment of his heart’s fleeting tenderness.

they stayed like that, the sun slipping lower in the sky, casting soft orange hues across the horizon as the impending storm still held off in the distance.

as the sky began to fade out of twilight, jisung stood up, stretching dramatically. “hey, what do you two think about hitting the beach tomorrow? i could use some peace and fun.”

seungmin turned to her, a soft, unreadable look in his eyes. “what d’ya think? up for it?”

the girl looked up, her brows raised slightly as she closed her journal, placing it back into her bag. “the beach? tomorrow?” she glanced back at the guy who suggested it, who only shrugged.

“yeah, i mean,” he began, “it’s a friday, we’ve all been pretty busy with uni, especially you, by the way. and it’d seem like a good time-off!”

“he’s right, you know,” the brown haired guy nudged her lightly, his left hand resting on her right shoulder. “you deserve a break, just for an evening.”

she turned her gaze towards him, eyes softening slightly, the hesitation melting away. “fine. when are we leaving?”

about 10 minutes later.

a familiar voice chimed in, pulling all three of their gazes toward the entrance of the garden. felix and eunha strolled over, waving as they approached.

“hey, you guys! what’s up?” felix grinned, his sunshine energy as contagious as ever.

jisung waved back with a grin, seungmin simply nodding in annoyance. “oh, lix, eunha, hey!”

the two approached the group, joining them on the grass. some time passed.

“we’re actually planning to head to the beach tomorrow evening. you guys wanna tag along?” seungmin asked, his tone casual but his eyes on y/n.

felix's face lit up immediately. "i'm so down. eunha?"

eunha smiled, nodding. "sounds perfect."

the girl quietly sat onto the bench, looked up at the conversation, her jaw clenching the tiniest bit. 

why in the world did he have to invite them?

it’s like she doesn’t even exist anymore – not that it matters but yeah.

another day, with eunha tagging along.

another day of seungmin trying terribly to gauge her attention.

another stupid day of stolen glances at seungmin that y/n wasn’t sure anyone else noticed—or cared about.

she had been waiting for the day, despite the hesitation. but now that eunha’s coming, she might as well skip, it wouldn’t make a difference, would it?

but she couldn’t, not to her closest pair of friends anyway.

“yay..” she cheered quietly, a faint smile playing on her lips as she tucked her journal into her bag.

but inside, she was already bracing herself for the next day, hoping the beach wouldn’t be just another backdrop to the feelings she could never quite express.

[cheeeeseburger]

Dream girl Part 4

Next part

Sidney Crosby x Reader

Masterlist

A/N: I had something else completely written for this part but somehow I lost it so anyway here's part 4! English is not my first language, apologies for the mistakes, enjoy!

“Yeah dude, some fucking pipe broke and now there’s water all over our goddamn new condo.” Like usual, Sid was busy listening to your boyfriend’s convo, trying to gather some info on you. Apparently, something broke in the brand-new condo that you and your boyfriend just bought together. Sidney knew all about it. After your almost-kiss, he though his heart had suffered enough for the week until he saw that fucking post on your Instagram. You were holding the key, and he was holding you, and Sidney just wanted to disappear forever.

Anyway. That must be why you didn’t attend a single game this week. Must have been too busy. Sidney was relieved. So you weren’t avoiding him. You still hadn’t replied to his texts saying he was sorry for almost kissing you, but at least you were not actively trying to escape him. His heart warmed a little in his chest.

“Oh man, that sucks. You haven’t even lived a month in it!” Another young defenseman chimed in. The story was getting real interesting now.

“Yet they still expect a payment every week. What a bunch of assholes. And they won’t fix it until another month! I mean, do they expect me and my girlfriend to live in a hotel for another fucking month?” For once, he could sympathize with the rookie. Yeah, it must suck to live in a hotel. He especially thought about you. You had to hate it. He had to do something about it.e H

Sometimes, love makes you stupid. It was one of these occasions. Sidney would ask you to move in with him. Temporarily, of course. With the boyfriend included.

It had got to be his worst idea yet. But it seemed he couldn’t keep the words from spilling out: “I have a basement you guys could use.”

So nice. So helpful. So generous. Yet so selfish. Sidney Crosby, what a nice guy, eh?

Of course, your boyfriend agreed on the spot, not bothering to check beforehand with you. He didn’t understand why you were freaking out, and it had to stay that way.

Two days later, you were knocking on the captain’s door, suitcase in hand. How could this go wrong?

At first, Sidney thought he could manage. It wasn’t like you were always there. Most of the time, you were hiding from him anyway. He wanted to talk to you about the moment you almost had right there in his kitchen, but it was hard with the rookie always being there.

Honestly, the first week went well. Sure, he found a thong in his batch of laundry and the image of you wearing it drove him mad, but everything was going well.

Until he heard it. That first moan, the first clue that you were arching your back for someone that wasn’t him. Sidney felt his heart sink in his stomach. He wanted to turn on the TV to forget the angelic noise, but he heard it again. This time, it was louder, needier. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t move.

Against his will, Sidney’s hand made its way underneath his pants. The effect you had on him was crazy. Your voice only got louder, echoing through the walls of his home. He began to stroke himself.

Faintly, he could hear the noises your boyfriend made, but he decided to ignore them. Pretending to be the one making you moan was simply too good. It sounded like you were matching Sid’s tempo better than his anyway. When your screams began to be louder and more frequent, he picked up the pace. He just knew that you were getting close, and so was he, but he wanted his girl to finish first.

His girl. That lie almost made him come on the spot. He threw his head back and imagined you were doing the same. He wished you were riding his thigh.

Suddenly, the bed in his basement stopped creaking. Your boyfriend thanked everyone but you for existing as he finished. He was done and apparently, for him, it meant that you were done too. Sidney called bullshit on that immediately.

There was no way you were feeling satisfied after that. You and Sidney were on the same pace, and he was nowhere near finished. Sure, a few minutes ago you seemed closed, but the fucking rookie was selfish. So selfish that he had to ruin the pleasure of two people that night.

Sid was so pissed for you. You deserved that orgasm. If you were his girl, he would’ve made you come twice already, with a third time coming soon. He would let you rest awhile only to rock your world harder a few moments later. Every single night.

Of course, Sidney was frustrated for himself too. He had no choice but to take a shower, because there was no way he would be able to sleep without getting some kind of satisfaction. The warmth of your mouth would be better, but the palm of his hand and the hot water would have to do for the night.

It didn’t take long for him to get right back on track. Now that he didn’t have your moans as background music, he thought of all the way he would make you come.

For the first time, of course, it would have to be sweet. After all, he was gentleman. He would worship you and tell you the million reasons why you were his dream girl. Only when you would be convinced that you’re an angel would he let himself think about finishing.

 He would have to eat you out next. His age was his biggest asset in that department. Guys his age knew how to take care of their girls. No way the rookie had ever used his tongue on you. Fucking idiot.

If he felt especially riled up one night, he would have to have you against a wall. He wanted to see the pictures trembling and the frames falling on the floor.

His next thought had him steadying himself on the wall. He wanted to have you somewhere he was sure your boyfriend would hear. Sidney had to let him know that only him could make you satisfied. After all, you were his dream girl.

That was all it took. He hoped the sound of the water would hide his grunts as he released all that frustration inside of him.

Yeah, he did feel guilty as he stepped out of the shower. I mean, he had just jacked off to the thought of you. But it wasn’t like it was the first time, nor would it be the last. Actually, he only felt guilty because he knew you weren’t feeling satisfied like he was right now. Sidney would have to change that soon.

[libra-stellium]

Venus Transits I tracked!

Descriptions from Planets in Transit - Robert Hand

Venus opposite Moon (Apr 17 - Apr 21)

Any problems under this transit are likely to come from doing something to excess

Did I drink a whole bottle of wine on 4/20? yes. Was I feeling it the next day? yes lol Do I regret it? nope! I was trying to have a great night in and that's exactly what I had!

This transit arouses your affections and makes you willing to give and receive love, relationships with women are meaningful

I made this really good pasta with mussels and I invite my aunt to have dinner with me which is simple but I don't usually do that lol

The rest of this transit description was talking about problems in romantic relationships but I'm single soooo N/A

Venus opposite Mercury (Apr 18 - Apr 22)

Favorable time for communication about love and relationships

If you watch 911 you know how it's been this month lol but I've been enjoying watching people watch the show for the first time! Idk which day exactly but it had me thinking about how I used to write fics when I was younger and make fan videos of shows lol such a fun time! Then I had a convo with my bestie about her love live bc she's a late bloomer and naturally is scared of everything lmao

The mercurial side of your personality does not take emotional matters seriously

I forgot to pay attention to this lmfao but I know I was a joker this entire time! lmao I tried to cut back but everything was just toooo funny!!

Be careful what you say about friends and loved ones under this transit , someone may take it seriously

I made a separate entry about the last time this transit happened for me in 2021 so this time around I was very intentional to not talk about anybody lmao about to make myself a shirt like "My friends and I survived my Venus Opposite Mercury transit <3"

One of the most unemotional of all Venus transits

I don't know lol is laughter not an emotion? I was intrigued by this when I wrote it but maybe I would have experienced this if I didn't know it was happening? Or maybe it was something small like me laughing during the serious situation in a show bc the drama was just toooo much I had to laugh lmao

Venus trine MC (Apr 18 - Apr 22)

Good time for any kind of creative activity/getting involved in the arts

I randomly started cooking this pasta with mussels and I've never made it before and it came out so good!!

Excellent time to redecorate your home and make your personal surroundings more attractive, you are much more sensitive to the aesthetic nature of your surroundings

I did do my dishes and clean my kitchen!

Time when you feel very affectionate and have a great need to express your affection, you are pleasant to be around, others can sense how you feel about them which makes them feel good

I didn't really feel thisss? I'm usually pleasant to be around anyway lol but I did text a couple more friends during this time and we were laughing a lot

Transit makes you feel peaceful and anxious to avoid conflict

Bro this bc after my job messed up my pay last week they asked me to update my timesheet again and I was on that email and had it fixed in 2 minutes lmao just for my supervisor to be like oh she doesn't see it on her end like girl....i texted her pictures of my screen like it's there! Don't stress me out!

Venus square Neptune (Apr 21 - Apr 25)

Transit stimulates your romantic imagination making you somewhat unrealistic

As a libra with a pisces rising this was just another regular day lmao but I was more in my synchronicity bag because on 4/25 I started reading this book that I stopped reading last year on May 19 bc I left it in my friend's car for months and I was reading something else by the time I got it back buttttt the back of the page I stopped on the main character was talking about how the only place she had visited in Europe was Amsterdam and i was like ohmygod??? What are the odds that i was so close to reading that last year and it's now almost a year later and I travel to Amsterdam ON MAY 19???

Daydreaming and creativity are high

Idk if that counts but I stitched a tiktok on 4/23 and it's still getting engagement and it's at 50k+ views rn on 4/28 and like 7k+ likes lolll

Venus square Uranus (Apr 24 - Apr 28)

You seek excitement and stimulation through love relationships

single as a pringle lol

Tendency to flirt under this influence, don't make anything more out of an encounter than what it really is

I didn't go anywhere bc work had me working for real during this time and now it's the weekend and I have my period but one of my friends posted a story about how her outfit made her look like a teacher and I commented "What's 5x5? Twenty Fine!!" lmfaoo the corniest pick up line and I still think I was so funny for saying that lol

You are likely to be impulsive with money

yeah Sweetgreen has had me in a chokehold ngl lol every year I go through a phase where I get obsessed with a salad from there! $18 is absolutely wild but so so good! Just writing this makes me want to order again omg

[leynaeithnea]

Me ? Taking notes again to write this ask? You guessed it.

The ocean saga is 100% my favourite saga so I'm going to be insane about this actually.

12.Aeolus is literally perfect I'm obsessed with her and her little banter with Ody " let's play a game/ a game? / That's what I'm serving " YES MA'AM YOU ARE CERTAINLY SERVING. Again at this point we agree on everything because the part where Odysseus tries to stay awake has kept me awake for days , he is so pathetic he's hallucinating his family and he loves them so much and everything has changed BUT HE'S THE SAME YES HE'S THE SAAAME ( instant tears)

" They were within sight, his mom could have seen the ship" fatal blow , currently chocking on my blood and my tears.

Also yes , Poseidon's voice is majestic, after ruthlessness came out I was singing it so much my brother and sister had memorized it ( they don't even know English lol )

13.The chorus of po-sei-don is glorious and I sing it every single time very drammatically 'cause HOW COULD I NOT??? Again, agree with everything you said, this whole entire song makes me feral, Poseidon is so bitchy and mean and pissed and sarcastic I ADORE IT and whenever I sing it I make Ody's little "No" so defeated and terrified and "we're so fucked " because they so areeeee

You are the worst kind of good- moment lives in my mind rent free I also did some lettering for it because I HAD to get it out of my head somehow ( I failed , it's stuck on repeat in my brain )

" But noOoOo" is so iconic I can't put it into words I love Poseidon jansnsnns

First time I listened to ruthlessness the callback to just a man brought me to my knees Jorge is a criminal how does he get away with causing such pain to me specifically ??? We'll never know

Aaaand the callback to the convo with Polyphemus " I am your darkest moment " FLOORS ME EVERY TIME SIR WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES THAT HAUNT YOU IN THE FORM OF THE GOD OF THE SEA , WHAT DO YOU MEAN MERCY HAS A PRICE ( this whole thing about "you could have avoided all this had you just killed my son" brings me back to hours spent studying the Iliad for school and learning that in those books the idea was that you had to die a glorious death if you wanted to be remembered and live forever with honor in the stories that will be told about you. Being spared in combat and living after that is not living at all, becase you're now a disgrace and everyone will know you failed to be a hero ) ( but I don't know if this whole "moral code" applies to monsters like Polyphemus) ( living with the shame that some random puny Greeks overtook you must generally suck either way though)

also the part where Ody's desperately bargaining "Poseidon we meant to harm we only hurt him to disarm him PLEASE PLEASE UNDERSTAND please we took no pleasure in his pain we are at your mercy right now we can't do anything this is all up to you I can't do anything else for my crew other than try to make you understand we only wanted to escape PLEASE we are in your domain now we can't escape the literal sea PLEASE SHOW US THE MERCY WE SHOWED YOUR SON" and this whole part is quieter and gentler than the rest of the song,it's a plea, a small little desperate string of hope that maybe he'll understand, then a beat of silence and then DIE YOU'RE NAIVE AND HOPELESS DIE AKKSKDJSNNS

I may have gone a little insane with this one lol

As always no pressure but I eagerly await your take on the other sagas :))

( love for you and your friend that you acted out the whole musical , it seems neat and I think it would fix me hahah )

HEYO man theres one artwork of "im the same yes im the same" that im obssessed with, its sooo good

the idea was that you had to die a glorious death if you wanted to be remembered

All the men who died drowning + elpenor ------- :) :) :) yw

Despite it being an unpopular opinion Circe might actually be my least favorite saga so far,....probably because they werent as angsty as any of the other so far......i think theres a pattern here....anyway, its still GREAT so lets start 14. Puppeteer ODY REFUSING TO LISTEN TO EURY, I WONDER??? maybe he guesses???? MAYBE HE KNOWS? that it was Eury who opened the bag but he isn't ready to hear it yet???? the instrumentals in that is soo good tho, ALSO "a woman" "....what"

circes voice do be beautiful

and the storytelling of eury recalling the story while circes part is kind of a flashback like, is reallyyy nice

Also Ody being straight up ready to save his men help, that's only 8 songs or so before Syclla :")

15. Wouldn't you like

I knowwww why people are so hype about it, but admittedly it doesn't hit that hard for me. it's a good song! just not my favorites

but "someone who's not afraid to...send a message" is a sneaky way to make it obv who it is, very "high on shrooms" feels, and Odysseus singing the "OooooOoooOOOooOooH"s towards the end are reallyyy goodddd and the "dont thank me you very well may die"....perfect characterization of hermes, loved 16. Done For

Ody trying to sneak his way in like "did you do smth to them?" (knows 100% that she did) "you turned them into pigs" ODY YOURE SUCH A SLEEK---- SO OKAY WE ACTED THIS OUT RIGHT? WITH MY FRIEND? HAVING MY FRIEND BE CIRCE PLS??? OMG ....attractive mayhaps ody trying to lie about being a god "hermes gave it do you, didnt he?" ".....fine, yes, but- " ODY SIEGSE ~love lying characters, like, Neil, Ody, yeah...yeah Also circe going right into lust and Ody being like "??? wdym" (think sabout penelope) 17. There are other ways "BUuT itS been 12 LonG yeEArs" JORGE JORGE__--SLEGOSEJG lmaoosegseigjseg jk beautiful falcetto (high voice) of Jorge very seductive song, beautiful the reprise of just a man again.....but he refuses! good on you ody, bc otherwise you wouldve been dead, also THE DROP when Circe talks about the Underworld, esp with the distorted choir so cool, theres some animatics that portrayed those really neat too, might ramble about the animatics some other time also Circes last note(s) in the song are SO GOOODDDDD such vocal control

[revehae]

I’m a sagittarius sun/gemini moon/leo rising/scorpio mars/sagittarius venus/scorpio mercury

Literally anything helps 😭😭😭

sag sun/gemini moon can give the impression that you’re always on the move. this is, for one, because they’re both mutable signs and they’re not exactly afraid of change. sagittarius doesn’t like to be confined to pesky little things like routine and gemini is always seeking something to stimulate its constant need for excitement. so you’re probably adventurous and constantly looking for a new experience, and you may dread feeling stagnant or like you’re stuck in the same place.

leo risings in my experience always seem to draw people in a very natural way. you guys don’t have to try, people just automatically love you and want to be friends with you and you may even draw a lot of unwanted attention… this happens to my friend all the time lol like she’s very beloved but sometimes people act overfamiliar with her… particularly when she posts she always reaches more people than she intends which has gotten her in trouble but also earned her a lot of friends! long story short ppl with this placement usually have a lot of charisma

mars in scorpio is a very comfortable place for mars and this basically gives you intense fixed energy in your way of life. mars is all about action/conflict/energy/sex/anger and scorpio is about transformation/sex/power/death/passion. like, you are a warrior. this is a placement that screams mad willpower and determination. but this placement may also make you come across as mysterious and/or secretive which only strengthens my idea that you definitely attract a lot of people into your life 😭 some ppl call scorpio the fire sign of water signs but really it’s just all that passion. you can’t hide it. you might try though! more keywords that come to mind are intuitive, deep, loyal (debatable… you guys don’t tend to just give away loyalty like ppl have to WORK for that. but once you’re in? you’re in for life), etc like that always seems to check out

sagittarius venus i don’t have much direct experience with ppl with this placement but from my understanding, y’all are silly and unserious and playful and adventure-loving. you might get bored easily but at the same time it’s all about not letting things get boring and/or finding someone who helps make sure things are never stale. you are likely attracted to someone who can constantly impress and excite you, and repetition may kinda ruin things for you. and like i said with your sag sun/gem moon, you probably give off the vibe that you don’t stay in the same place for a long time. and you probably would rather be single than be with someone who makes you feel stagnant or trapped

scorpio mercury i have never met a scorpio mercury that liked small talk… but i have met some that use it in a strategic way 😭😭😭 this placement + your venus also makes me think you may be a bad texter. i could be wrong. but i notice things. anyways this + your venus and lowkey everything else also makes me think you are just more fond of deeper convos. you want something fun, something stimulating, something alive. my girlfriend is a scorpio mercury and she does all of the above but she’s also really good at noticing when people are lying to her. the scorpio mercuries i know have really deep and intense thoughts that can draw “????” reactions from others, but it can also make you sick of yourself and wish you could turn your brain off lmao

TL;DR: you’re here for a good time, not a long time lol

[17gz]

it still baffles me that i knew this friend for 6 fucking years and we had a convo abt their partner that lasted over 8 hours where they fully acknowledged all the bullshit their partner puts them through where even I LEARNED SHIT THEIR PARTNER DID TO THEM... they even acknowledged that every single person in their life hates their partner. to the point that it made them cry. they had so long to break up with that person so that we could renew our lease and fix shit. we all made it clear that the living situation depended on their relationship with that person and that we could not continue living with them.

(little break here to say: we were originally planning on splitting the rent 4 ways when their partner got evicted. we had an ENTIRE CONVO ABOUT THIS. it would have been abt $775 per person which is IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND IN NYC. i knew their partner was having a hard time financially so i said maybe they could contribute max $500 per month, closer to $200-$250 per month whether thats covering utilities, or groceries, or making someone elses rent easier to pay. i said i was VERY comfortable meeting them where they were as long as it was above $100 a month. which is fucking reasonable for an able bodied employed person. which this person was. and they talked alllll this big shit abt usually paying $1500 for rent but being in a tough financial position. and no matter how many times i said "thats unreasonable, thats out of all of our budgets, lets stick to something under $500 and start with that to make this work" they REFUSED to listen. and then ended up paying ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR THE FOUR MONTHS THEY STAYED THERE RENT FREE MOOCHING.)

this person did not contribute a fucking cent for any of us. this person actively made OUR SPACE a fucking hellish nightmare to live in and made it SO FUCKING HOSTILE. CONSTANTLY RACIST AND HOMOPHOBIC AND TRANSPHOBIC AND FATPHOBIC.... literally a closeted terf

and when it came down to making a decision. when there were months leading to weeks to days where you'd been aware of all of this and we were all waiting for you to rip the bandaid off. you chose them over your friends who were there for you through literally everything.....

and they have the nerve to treat us like we're the villains in this..... im glad none of our friends are believing a word they've said... but jesus....

oh this isnt the first 2 people they've done this to btw...

we're 2 out of 4 ROOMMATES THIS SHIT HAS HAPPENED TO.....

like jesus christ you are a lost cause theres no help for you, you hit rock bottom every 5 minutes but refuse to acknowledge that you are the one causing all the problems and instability around you because other people can only take so fucking much...... emphasis on SO FUCKING MUCH.... i cant even fully describe all the shit i have seen + SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE SEEN.

YOU SEE A THERAPIST AND PSYCHIATRIST 4x A MONTH OUT OF POCKET AND YOU WONT EVEN TAKE YOUR MEDS BUT YOU LIE ABOUT TAKING THEM..................................

good lord i just cant believe i wasted 6 fucking years of my life trying to see the best in this person when 1) they would NEVER EVER do this shit for us and 2) THERE IS NO recognition of wrongdoing on their end. everyone is wrong but them. they're obviously the victim....

[kon-konk]

Any nsfw/kink headcanons for the Servamp characters?

Actually, I do have some. They're not really all that detailed (mostly because I grew up in the bible belt and still live there, so everything's been repressed just as hard as it could be)

There's not any rhyme or reason to who is on here, it's just who I've developed any kind of thoughts on this topic for. (I would have called it more of a list of characters I'd fuck given the chance, but Touma's on here and the most he'd ever get was a hate fuck) Anyways, let's get on with this because this is also an exercise in getting comfortable discussing these kinds of topics openly

Tsurugi (of course I'm starting with him, the man lives rent free in my head) - I think I had a convo about this way earlier (I can't find it so I can't be sure), but I think he'd be really into pet play. Very much has an oral fixation. The upside to him is that he'd be willing to do anything for money. The downside is that I think it would be nearly impossible to get him to actually admit to what he's really into. Probably acts like he's afraid he's going to break his partner every single time, but some encouragement and praise will fix that. Also, please praise him. Spends more time licking than biting. I think he'd be secretly into choking (both being choked and choking someone), but that's one of those things you find out on accident.

Gear (I really do just have a thing for the bloodline) - I feel like he's very skin-to-skin. Like, he's doing his best to have as much physical contact as possible the entire time, from foreplay to aftercare. Breeding kink, but since he doesn't tend to stick around for the raising the kids part, he feels really guilty about it. Also this motherfucker bites, and he bites hard.

Kuro - Look, his partner is doing most, if not all, the fucking work. Another oral fixation, though I think he denies it.

Jun (the dilf energy is so strong in him) - I think you'd probably be deep in a relationship with him before you even get past first base. Romantic sex every time, even if it's just something quick. Makes his partner feel so fucking special, like they're the only person he's ever wanted to fuck. I don't think he's got any notable kinks, but he's always willing to experiment.

Lawless - So. much. roleplay. Has probably fucked (or at least tried to) in the theater while his Eve has been up on stage/their movie's been playing/etc.

Touma (look, he was the last character I thought I'd develop anything for, especially on this topic) - This man is such a dom I think it'd physically hurt him to submit. He's either rocking the "you wanted this, you gotta work for it" mentality where you have to do literally everything or he'll do whatever you want, you just have to beg for it (I mean you have to beg for everything. Want him to touch you in any way? Beg. Want to suck his dick? You gotta beg for that, too. Fucking? Guess what, more begging!). I think it'd be a coin flip which one you'd get. But! I also think he is heavy on giving praise. A+ score in aftercare, though. He wants his partner coming back for more, after all.

[thoughts-and-more-sadness]

welp im a mom now

I wish i had documented my pregnancy because oh boy. Would I have so much shit to talk. I'm the loneliest fuck in the world. Before and after baby. Everyone kept telling me my friends would leave me after baby and its like bitch what friends. My baby daddy went to his exs house to fix her car 8 months ago. I was like 3 months pregnant. They didnt do anything its just the fact hes a hypocrite and didnt tell me and basically lied by not telling me for 8 months. Thennnnn. He updated his tinder account to his current job. The job he got after we started dating. Thennnn. He got this girls number, a customer, was texting her non stop. Ignored me when i asked who the number was. So i got hella suspicious because he always has a answer. But he ignored me no matter how many times i asked turns out her name is bitchney. She claims nothing happened, and she is gay. When i saw her sending him kiss emojis at 2am. And asking if he was single. He never fucking told me he was talking to a chick. Let alone go to her house when our baby was 3 weeks old. Fucking asshole. I knew he was picking up a lizard from a customer on clinton keith. I wanted him to text me he was safe and when he arrived and everything and he didnt i got so worried he got hurt. When he got home he said 3 girls were there and i was clearly upset because i could never be alone in a apartment with 3 guys so why can he do this. He joked to my face that he fucked all 3 girls. I asked him if he loves this girl. He couldnt answer me. Then when i asked him to get rid of the geckos he got from her. He wouldnt. When i asked him to get rid of the fish he got from her. He wouldnt. Guess what fish got flushed. He dont give a crap that i have to stare at them while breastfeeding his daughter. Thennnnn. What started all this digging and suspicions. Was he went to his sister and seriously asked her. How shed react if he cheated on me and got another girl pregnant. She reacted pissed and said shed cut him out of her life. He was baffled and quiet the whole way home. She was pissed because he was serious. He tried to pretend it was a joke. But it wasnt. He says nothing happened at bitchneys house and he only stood in the doorway but according to my math he wouldve been there an hour. But then he says he stayed late at work and there was traffic. When i confronted him about cheating it was a 6 hour convo and it took him 2 hours of thinking to finally answer me about bitchney. It was like he was trying to think of a lie. He even said that she came on to him, then later said there was nothing happening. He said that he never went to her house and there was no hanging out, when i demanded to see her texts i learned that he went to her house that night she turned 3 weeks. I keep catching him in these lies and he comes up with excuses or says i was a cheater first. BUT I WAS FUCKING PREGNANT. WE WERE STARTING A FAMILY. WHAT THE FUCK. He doesnt fucking love me and it sucks. He shows that to me constantly. I once told him to stop calling me stupid and abusing me verbally and physically because i carried his child. And he tells me to my face that anyone couldve done that for him and its not a big deal. Im so done. I told his entire family about the abuse verbally and physically. About the cheating. They want to kick him out if he doesnt improve and have me stay but i dont want to be here anymore. But now i have Ava i cant just run away.

[thegravityblog]

I never felt this way, seriously. This constant nausea due to a very strong form of disgust on the person I loved a lot. In a split second I realized she was never even worth it. Who in this world who loves you would do something to you that makes you puke 2-3 times a day? Just by the thought of their actions. And their eyes, their actions, filthy as they always are. Playing their cheating encounters and filled in by another man, while you're asleep thinking you are safe and sound in their arms. They send them nudes, they shoot their sexual encounters, they fucking plan to marry them while already committed to me. You formed a relationship portraying yourself as an innocent, empathetic human being who believes in communicating. Mature relationships, that too something turning into a marriage, if comes under some sort of uneasiness or something that you didn't like, you had to talk, talk, put effort and fix it instead of spreading your legs and spreading dirt and disgust. I never hate anyone, but this person a humongous liar who even till the end lied about not having a communication device while already forming a relationship with a stranger since 24th July 2024. What could they do? The same, manipulating the situation, playing the same old dirty games just so I leave and then drop a text, disappear and create new social accounts. Do you think you're not gonna get back what you did? Such a desperate freaking soul who had no control or concept of boundaries as a committed woman. Roam around as if everything she did was so right, keeping that other dude in every convo we had, making him listen. Putting me down so she can gain sympathy and get along because after 20th July she knew this will never be the same again. Things could have changed, but a pervert relies more on hedonism than true long term emotional value. Instead of a heartbreak, a true remorse and space she immediately got her backup and even plans to marry in November this year. Such a coward who can't even stand for herself, her commitments, her morals and values. How could she? Doesn't have any. If you have a basic issue of not being able to communicate your problems and commit, why do you make others feel like trash and used? Why do you go the other person who died every day, every moment to hold you and carry you? Honestly loving you? Just because you're so ignorantly horny, you cannot get over the taste of a new cock you had? In a month you even got impregnated? Are you even a human? I'll hate you all my life. That's what you deserve. I don't have a single photo/memory. I am someone who usually shelve memories but this I couldn't keep because of the constant horrible disgusting feeling I am carrying around. Asked for a second chance, bullshitted, even in that expected a device from me while already using one. You came to heal and protect me? Remember what you gifted me on my birthday? Yes that very month you turned my life upside down. I am praying everyday that you get 100x of what you have done to me and my family. You're nothing but a pervert with no sense of emotional intelligence, honesty, integrity and character. I AM PRAYING FOR YOUR DEMISE. I don't hate people, even you know that but I ABSOLUTELY HATE YOU. SHEER HATE. The kind of hate where you'll be dying in front of my eyes but I won't save you. YOU WERE A PIECE OF TRASH, YOU ALWAYS WERE, I ALWAYS LOVED YOU MORE AND MORE AND GAVE CHANCES AFTER CHANCES SO YOU COULD JUST FUCKING RUN AWAY BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE THE BALLS TO FACE ME AND TO GIVE AWAY THE TEMPTATION OF ANOTHER DICK. GOD IS WATCHING. HE ALWAYS LISTENTS TO ME. AND I KNOW HE WILL BRING YOU DOWN TO YOUR KNEES. LOVE? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS. You come from a broken family, you are broken and miserable yourself and thank god he saved me. Yes he taught me a hard lesson because he gave me plenty of chances to leave but I was so hopeful of you.

[drac-onion]

Back at it again. A year since I posted Beneath Her Mask. Same thing as last time. Fun facts or just looking back at something I done did write once upon a time exactly a year ago.

This is going to be very "stream of consciousness" and probably hard to read, but here goes.

First off, wow that title sucks. I came up with it like right before posting and then rolled with it. Nowadays I would put off uploading something for MONTHS if I couldn't figure out an original and interesting title. Oops.

Anyway, this one is a lot better than the last one. Promise. The whole thing is a little bit iffy still, but I was very new. The formatting is the main issue I have with. The concept is...fine, although I think I could have gone a little bit further with and then lead into where this one starts. Ya know, inform the reader as to the situation that lead to Makoto's desire to keep everything to herself? But I kinda made it ambiguous on purpose. Good thing I didn't have to follow up on this a few months later... Oh wait. The stakes were just: awkward. No gay panic (like the tags say, oops), no internalized anything, no worries over team cohesion with members of the PTs dating, none of that. If I would ever go back and rewrite this (don't fucking tempt me) I would definitely expand on things a lot more. But hey, I probably shouldn't try and go back and fix all my old stuff. I'd never get anything done otherwise.

Oh yeah, Makoto's "113 decibel alarm clock" is a real thing. I actually have one. I sleep through every other alarm clock out there. The thing is so good, it will actually scare you awake. Pretty nice. (If probably a little too loud for apartment living in Japan where the walls are very thin.)

Oh yeah, and the tense a few times. Annoying.

I dunno why I made it three chapters. It's just over 3.5k words. That would have been fine to keep as a single chapter one-shot, but I think I just had a hard time with having scenes switch mid-chapter. Chapters are a good way to signal a scene switch, but nowadays I'll just use a line break and go with it. I've just improved as a writer, I think, and so now my old mistakes bug the shit out of me.

If I named all the issues I had, I'd be here all day. So, what did I get right with this? I think the concept is alright. The dialogue is good at points. The scene in Leblanc is pretty good. Good guy Sojiro being cool with lesbians (very cool of him). And the text convos at the end are also pretty okay. The "out of your league" comment still gets me for some reason. It's kinda funny.

Also I made a custom dialogue option for Akira, referencing the very first thing he says at the beginning of the story. I think it turned out okay. (I'd like to do more art/edits relevant to my writing. I've thought about making cover/chapter art for my current project. I guess we'll see how I'm feeling. A little wattpad-y of me, but it'd be interesting.)

I'm just now realizing that I should've made the "third option" a little cheeky. Maybe something like "Come here often?" or whatever. Ah well. Next time.

So, overall? It's an improvement. It's not perfect, but it was the second thing I'd ever written. (Once again, I don't count the RE one. I should probably anon it tbh.)

Anyway, that was something. The next "retrospective" (I guess that's what these are now) will be on Beneath Their Masks.

That one is a doozy, and I think I'm going to have a decent amount to say about it. It's also really long, so that's also a thing I'm gonna have to worry about. I'll probably do that on 10/1 because that's when I posted the first chapter. Maybe I'll have enough time to write up mini retrospectives for each chapter? And then post those throughout October? That could be interesting. And tiring. But still, interesting. I could pull the original upload dates since I made a tumblr in between ACIFT and BHM. Although those are going to be VERY spaced out, especially near the end. So much for doing a month's worth of prompts WITHIN the month. But I'll save all my whining for when those go up.

Also, shoutouts again to my beta at the time, @makomaki5. I hope you're doing well.

Anyway, I think that's about it. See ya.