#but like I’ve proved that I can do it now
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straylightdream · 2 days ago
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midnight drives
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𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭: choi seungcheol x curvyf.reader
↳ late night drives lead to desperate kisses with your sister’s ex boyfriend.
𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: friends to lovers?? non idol au
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 3.5k and counting
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: angst, unprotected sex(mc is on birth control), so much kissing, marking, and biting while kissing. seungcheol is obsessed with kissing the mc neck.
if you would like to be tagged please fill out this form.
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PREVIEW
Leaning over the center console he roughly connected his lips to yours. He moved his lips against yours as you tangled your fingers in his hair. He was kissing you as if he was trying to prove a point. Your lips moved against each other as if you needed each other to breathe. He pulled his lips away from yours and stared into your eyes. Your body felt warm suddenly. You just stare at him wishing he would kiss you again.
“Do you want me to stop?” he asked, really hoping you would say no.
“No,” you whispered.
He smiled as he moved his lips to your jaw and started kissing down to your neck, and occasionally licking and nipping at the sensitive skin on your neck. You knew at the rate you’re going you were definitely going to have to cover up some marks on your neck tomorrow. A moan passed your lips as he slightly moved your sweater off your shoulder so he could kiss your collarbone and the top of your shoulder.
The way he was kissing you made you want to rip his clothes off. He was getting you so turned on without really even trying. You could spend hours kissing him like this.
“What’s going to happen here?” You asked as he continued to kiss your neck. Earning another moan from you.
In-between kisses he managed to say, “whatever you want to happen can happen.”
You closed your eyes enjoying the feeling of his lips ghosting across your skin. Nobody has ever kissed you like this. “The way you’re kissing me I feel like you have an idea of what you want to happen.”
He smiled against your neck before lightly biting down, “I’m not asking you to do anything. I’m just enjoying that I actually get to kiss you like I’ve always wanted too.”
Tangling your fingers in his hair you held him closer to you. You knew you probably shouldn’t sleep together. It's hard to tell your body that when you’re turned on. You didn’t know if you could walk away from this.
“If you keep up what you’re doing I can’t promise this will end with just kissing,” you said, rolling you head back in pure pleasure.
“I’ll do whatever you want,” he said, pulling his lips away from your neck.
“You have me so turned on right now kissing isn’t going to be enough,” you sighed, reaching over and resting your hand against his cheek.
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logos0 · 2 days ago
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From Ice to Fire
Leah Williamson x Reader Enemies to Lovers | Happy Ending
The wheels of the plane touched down at Heathrow, and the hum of the engines died as you peered out the window at the grey skies over London. It was a far cry from the snow-dusted landscapes of Scandinavia that you called home. But here you were, ready to embark on the next chapter of your footballing career. Arsenal FC had been a dream for years, and now you were one of their newest signings.
As you stepped out of the taxi at the training grounds, nerves prickled at your skin. You had achieved so much to get here, yet a voice at the back of your mind whispered that the hardest part was still to come. Meeting the team, proving your worth, adapting to the intensity of English football—all of it loomed large.
The team welcomes you warmly on your first day at Meadow Park. The first person to greet you was Beth Mead, her grin wide and her energy infectious. "Ah, the new signing! Heard you’ve got a killer left foot. Let’s hope it’s true." Vivianne Miedema followed with a calm nod, and Kim Little, the captain, offers a handshake that carries a quiet authority. But then there’s Leah Williamson.
The Lionesses’ captain greets you with a polite, almost perfunctory nod. Her reputation precedes her: confident, charismatic, a born leader. But something about her intensity feels off. The Lionesses’ captain carried herself with a quiet intensity. Her eyes assessed you from head to toe, and her polite nod felt more like a formality than genuine welcome.
For the rest of the day, her presence loomed. During the first drills, she was the one who barked out directions, corrected positioning, and, more than once, seemed to single you out for criticism.
"You need to stay tighter to your mark," she said sharply after a defensive drill.
You clenched your jaw. "Maybe I wouldn’t have to if you’d tracked your runner."
Her eyes narrowed, and for a moment, the air between you crackled with tension.
It was going to be a long season.
Your integration into the squad is smooth… except when it comes to Leah. The rivalry between you two grew over the weeks. On the surface, everything seemed fine. You worked well enough together during games and even exchanged the occasional word of praise when necessary. But in training, it was a different story. She seemed to find faults in everything you do. A misplaced pass? She’s the first to point it out. A moment’s hesitation on the field? She’s already barking instructions.
"That’s not how we press here," Leah said during one particularly gruelling session, her tone clipped. "Maybe in Scandinavia, you can take your time," she snaps after one particularly tense drill, "but here, we move fast."
You wiped sweat from your brow, shooting her a glare. "I’ve been playing football since I could walk. I think I know how to press."
"Not in the WSL, you don’t," she snapped back. You glare at her, chest heaving from exertion. "Maybe if you passed the ball sooner, I wouldn’t have to clean up your mistakes."
The tension between you was palpable, and the team could feel it. Beth smirked knowingly, muttering, "Oh, this is gonna be fun to watch."
During the next weeks, your Scandinavian coolness continued to clash with her fiery intensity at every turn. The team, much to your dismay, seemed to find your friction entertaining. Beth Mead started taking bets on when the two of you would finally explode, and even the usually reserved Vivianne Miedema would smirk when you and Leah squared off during drills.
It wasn’t that you disliked her—at least, that’s what you told yourself. But her constant nitpicking, her relentless need to push, got under your skin like no one ever had before.
And yet, you couldn’t help but notice her. The way she commanded the field with such confidence, the way she celebrated every goal like it was her first, the way her laugh—rare as it was—lit up the room during team dinners.
But noticing wasn’t the same as liking.
One evening after training, you stayed late to practice free kicks. The floodlights cast long shadows across the empty pitch as you lined up ball after ball, aiming for the top corner.
"You don’t rest much, do you?"
The voice startled you, and you turned to see Leah leaning against the goalpost, arms crossed.
"And you don’t know when to leave people alone," you shot back, though your tone lacked its usual bite.
To your surprise, she didn’t respond with a snarky remark. Instead, she grabbed a ball and joined you. The two of you fell into a rhythm, each taking turns at the goal. There was an unspoken competition in the air, but it felt different this time—less antagonistic, more playful.
When you finally stopped, both of you breathless, Leah gave you a small, genuine smile. "You’re not bad," she said.
"Coming from you, that almost sounds like a compliment," you replied, earning a quiet laugh.
For the first time, the tension between you seemed to ease.
The match against Chelsea was a turning point. Arsenal was down 1-0, and the clock was running out. You intercepted a pass from Sam Kerr and drove forward, weaving through defenders before threading the ball to Leah, who was perfectly positioned. She scored with a thunderous strike, and the stadium erupted.
Before you knew it, Leah was running toward you, a wide grin on her face. She wrapped her arms around you, her excitement contagious. "That was all you," she said breathlessly, her forehead briefly touching yours.
For the first time, her words felt entirely sincere, and something shifted between you.
After the Chelsea game, the team celebrated with a night out. You found yourself seated next to Leah, and to your surprise, the conversation flowed easily. She asked about your life in Scandinavia, and you told her about the snowy winters, the northern lights, and the small village where you first fell in love with football.
"You’re full of surprises," she said softly, her eyes searching yours.
"So are you," you replied, feeling a warmth you hadn’t expected.
A few weeks later, after a late-night training session, you and Leah ended up alone on the balcony of the team’s hotel. The city lights glittered below as silence stretched between you.
"I was wrong about you," Leah said finally, her voice quiet.
You turned to her, surprised. "What do you mean?"
"I thought you were just another hotshot here to make a name for yourself. But you’re more than that. You care about the team. You push me to be better." She hesitated, her usual confidence faltering. "And I… I think I like you."
Your breath caught, and for a moment, the world seemed to stop.
"I like you too," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.
She leaned closer, her hand brushing yours. When she kissed you, it was soft and tentative, as though testing the waters. But when you kissed her back, it was with all the passion and fire that had burned between you from the start.
The shift from enemies to lovers wasn’t seamless. You still bickered during training, but now it was laced with humour rather than hostility. The team noticed the change immediately.
"You two are ridiculous," Beth teased one day. "Just get a room already."
Leah rolled her eyes, but her hand found yours under the table.
On the field, your partnership flourished. Leah’s leadership and your creativity drove the team to new heights, and Arsenal climbed to the top of the league. Off the field, your bond deepened through late-night conversations, stolen moments, and an unspoken understanding that you had found something rare.
The season ended with Arsenal lifting the trophy. As confetti rained down, Leah pulled you into her arms, her smile brighter than ever.
"We make a good team," she said, her forehead resting against yours.
"We always did," you replied with a grin.
In that moment, surrounded by your teammates and the deafening cheers of the crowd, you knew this was just the beginning—for Arsenal, for your career, and for you and Leah.
From enemies to lovers, from ice to fire—you had found your home.
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ohbueckers · 12 hours ago
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HEART OF A WOMAN. … instead we’re moving slow, i guess she’s used to it by now.
05, CHAPTER FIVE. YOU BETTER START THINKING.
ju speaks. i procrastinated this so bad lol but i have some time over the break to get some stuff out (more hoaw chapters) so yay! pairing. wnba!paige bueckers x fem!oc. warnings. sexual innuendos.
present day, june 2025.
i’m not sure why i let it happen again.
scratch that—i know exactly why. i just don’t want to admit it to myself. it’s always like this with paige and me. a spark, a touch, a stupid comment or argument that turns into something much bigger, much harder to control. we’ve been here before, over and over, in different cities, in different beds, pretending like this time will be the last time. it should’ve been.
the last couple of weeks have been easier than i expected, softer in a way i didn’t know we were capable of. i’m starting to think it’s too good to be true. paige hasn’t been running from me, hasn’t been trying to prove something every second of our time together. maybe that’s why i’ve let my guard down, just a little.
she’s still herself, of course. cocky, loud, and incapable of stilling. but she’s been showing up. not just physically but in the ways i used to hope for back when we were together the first time. it’s in the way she looks at me when she thinks i’m not paying attention, like she did in high school when she told me she never wanted to let go of me. it’s in the way she texts me good morning before i can even think about reaching for my phone, like she’s trying to prove she can still be someone i want to wake up to.
and maybe, stupidly, i’m starting to believe her.
not completely, not yet. paige bueckers has always been good at saying the right things, making promises she’s not ready to keep. but these past weeks, it’s like she’s trying to remind me who she was before everything got so messy. the version of her i fell for in the first place.
but when she’s here, like this? it’s so hard to remember why i ever tried to stay away.
paige is stretched out on her back, arm slung around me, fingers tracing patterns absentmindedly on my shoulder. the sheets are tangled around her bare legs, and she shifts slightly, the motion sending a faint brush of her skin against mine. i glance up at her, and the smug smirk already curling at her lips tells me she knows exactly what she’s doing.
“you staring at me, nai?” she asks. her voice is rough and a little husky from sleep as she stretches. my eyes flash to her exposed abdomen.
“don’t flatter yourself,” i mutter, though it is so obviously a front.
“tooooo late,” she drawls, shifting again so she’s propped up on one elbow, the other hand sliding up to lazily run along my arm. “you’re terrible at pretending you’re not obsessed, by the way.”
i roll my eyes, trying to hide the way my breath hitches at her touch. “says the girl who texted me five times in a row last night because i didn’t answer fast enough.” i lean back against the pillow, staring up at her, and i swear i could forever.
paige’s grin widens, shameless as she looks away. “i mean, what was i ‘posed to do? sit there and wait? nah, i had to apply pressure.” the smugness on her face tells me she’s having way too much fun with this, fun with me.
i snort, shaking my head as i get up, swinging a leg over her and straddling her waist casually. “pressure? you called me a ‘certified flake’ and threatened to pull up if i didn’t respond.”
paige lets out a low laugh, her hands instinctively finding my thighs as i settle over her. “yeah, and look where it got me.” she licks her lips, smirk softening as her eyes flicker over my face, lingering on my lips that are curled up into a smile. “don’t act like you didn’t like the attention.”
i arch a brow, tilting my head to the side. “oh, is that what we’re calling it now?”
her hands tighten on my thighs, smirk faltering for just a second before she regains composure. “mhm. attention. you’re welcome.”
i roll my eyes but don’t pull away, my hands bracing on her chest. how could i? “you’re such a problem.” i bring the comforter we shared last night up over my back, and its like a tent giving us privacy from the sun of my windows. i really need some black-out curtains or something.
“and you love it,” she fires back, her voice dropping, teasing, as her fingers trail upwards, stopping just far enough.
i do. God, i really do.
i smile, and i swear my face hurts from it as i lean down to kiss her. again and again, each one leaving paige chasing after my lips. i savor the moment. i’m not sure how long it’ll be like this, but i like it. a lot. i pull back, resting my head on her chest, breathing in her morning scent as she bites down on her lip in reminiscence.
“tell me i’m wrong,” she murmurs.
i laugh, more of a pity chuckle just because she’s so full of herself. i furrow my eyebrows just slightly, bringing my hand to a resting point right by my face. “i’m not telling you shit, bueckers.”
“yeah? but you didn’t say i was wrong.”
i don’t want to admit it, not to her, not even to myself, but paige knows me better than anyone. she always has. it’s infuriating and comforting all at once, the way she sees through me like i’m an open book. i’m not an open book. i never have been, but for paige…
she doesn’t press, though. she never does when it really matters. she just watches me with that maddening half-smile, her fingers brushing over my skin like she has all the time in the world, and i know she’s waiting for me to say it. to give in.
maybe that’s why i keep coming back. or maybe it’s because she’s the only person who’s ever made me feel this much all at once—frustration, want, affection, something i’m not ready to name. whatever it is, it’s why i don’t pull away, why i let her keep pulling me closer even when i know i should stop.
i shift, the sheets rustling beneath us, and my chest tightens. not about what she said, but what i’m forcing myself to think about. i hate how much i want this, how much i want her, even after everything. especially after everything. but its addicting, and i know she feels the same.
“maybe i’m just a sucker for this,” i mutter, low enough that i’m not sure she hears it.
but of course she does.
she nearly breaks her neck to look down at me. she doesn’t let the words settle. “nah, you a sucker for me.”
i roll my eyes again, avoiding her gaze, but i don’t argue. instead, i lift my head again as i prop myself up on her chest. “what makes you so sure?” it’s a stupid question, but i was fully ready for her to read me.
paige’s smile turns smugger. “because you’re here,” she says simply. “and you’re smiling like that.”
i scoff, trying to play it off, but the way she’s looking at me makes it impossible. i lean down, pressing my lips to hers again, even slower this time. how could i stay away from her when kisses me like this? i feel the way her mouth curves, realizing she’s smiling too.
my hand slides up to cup her face, and she pulls me just a little closer by the small of my back, grip tight like always, like she’s scared i’ll slip. it’s not rushed—in fact, we have a couple hours to be entangled like this before having to part—it’s intentional. like she’s got all the time in the world and wants me to feel it.
and i do.
“it’s—mhm—okay,” paige says, and i find her muffled words rather cute as i shift my hips up, pushing my lips further into hers. her hand slides up my bare back, fiddling with the clasp of my bra. “i am too.”
i pull away, sitting up a little straighter as i quirk a brow at her. “you’re what?” i ask. i decide to help her out, unclasping my bra, but holding the straps up over my chest until she’s finished speaking.
her eyes fall, tongue swiping over her swollen, pink lips. i’m teasing her, i know it, paige definitely knows it. but as she brings her hands up slowly, tearing my own away, i almost forget what i was doing to her in the first place, suddenly fully exposed. i hear her breath hitch. “a big, fat sucker for you.”
i bite back a smile despite her unserious words, because they always make me do that. i roll my eyes, cusping her mouth into my hand playfully as she laughs, shaking out of it.
paige doesn’t hesitate.
she attaches her lips to my collarbone, trails down to the curve of my chest. i look down, and if i didn’t know any better, i’d say paige bueckers is absolutely enamored with me. “so beautiful, baby,” she huskily says, her hands grounding my hips against her as she moves to my tits, attacking the marks she’d left last night so roughly it has my breathing going faster.
i tangle a hand in her hair, fingers tightening reflexively, and it’s like i can’t look away. her face, her lips—every detail feels seared into my memory. “for real,” she continues, and when she looks up at me unexpectedly, lips curving into a small grin, it’s like i’ve completely checked out.
i’m not me anymore, i’m whatever paige wants me to be.
“need you framed or somethin’.” it’s a joke. clearly a joke, nailea. but the way she’s making me feel makes it land differently.
“framed, huh?” i manage.
“yeah,” she replies proudly, like it’s the sweetest thing she’s ever said. “you know, like for the crib. big centerfold. maybe as my lock screen too.”
i can’t help it—i laugh, shaking my head, closing my eyes momentarily as i pretend her words aren’t setting me closer to giving myself to her completely. “you’re so stupid,” i mutter.
paige doesn’t flinch, her grin only widening as she dips her head again, her lips brushing over the swell of my chest. “nah, just honest,” she murmurs against my skin, and the way her voice vibrates there nearly makes me lose it.
i force myself to breathe, leaning back slightly as her hands wander. “maybe you can,” i blurt out without thinking, and she pauses, glancing up at me again.
“what you talkin’ about?” she asks.
i don’t answer right away, leaning over to grab the pink polaroid camera sitting on my nightstand. it’s old and clunky, a relic from freshman year that my dad had given me, and i’d kept it more out of nostalgia than utility. now, though, it feels like fate.
it always does with us.
when i sit back, holding the camera up, paige’s eyes light up, her grin widening into something more troublesome. “nai,” she drags out.
i lift my eyebrows, playing along, like i don’t already know where this is headed. “i’m listening.”
“you not serious,” she shakes her head, voice etched with some laughter. she doesn’t believe it, yet she still tilts her head, sizing me up like she’s already planning the perfect angle.
“thought you wanted me framed, p,” i counter, poking my bottom lip out as i lift the camera a little higher.
her grin deepens, tongue flicking over her teeth as she leans back just enough, hands sliding up and down my legs, creating some sort of friction. she hesitates. “you sure?”
i pretend to think for a moment before responding. “hmm, depends. you gonna cooperate?”
paige chuckles. “oh, i’ll cooperate.” she shifts again, her posture loosening as she leans back against the headboard, one arm draping casually over her head, the other trailing down to rest just between my legs. shes so sexy it’s almost overwhelming. her grin is the same as always, blue hues pierced into me.
“go on then,” she urges. “show me how you see me, baby.”
i adjust the camera into focus, fingers fumbling over the different buttons i’m sure i’ll have to show her have to work before snapping the first photo. the flash and the sun combined cast her in a perfect light, and though she’ll look less defined in the old pixels, the sight’s engraved in my head now.
the whir of the camera fills the room, and the polaroid slides out, landing softly against her chest. paige grabs it, holding it up with a satisfied smirk as the image slowly develops, inspecting it like it’s a prize. she glances at me, her expression softening just a little. “i’m bettin’ you could do better.”
“oh, you think so?” i shoot back, handing her the camera.
“mhm. there a timer on this thing?”
i step out of the shower and into my room, shivering a little as i pull the towel tighter around my chest. paige, completely the opposite temperature of me, must have messed with my thermostat.
i silently curse her for getting so comfortable.
she’s still here, tall figure leaning over the bed she made up. she’s wearing nothing but a pair of basketball shorts and her sports bra, her phone in one hand, the other lazily shuffling through the scattered polaroids we just took.
“what you doin’?” i ask, tilting my head at her as i walk over, water droplets trailing down my legs.
paige glances up, her blue eyes gleaming like i’ve interrupted something i should’ve known better than to question. “you thought i was lying about my lock screen?” she smugly says, holding up her phone.
i keep my eyes on her, not knowing what to expect as i move closer, the faintest tug of a grin threatening my lips. “what’d you do?” i mutter, snatching her phone to check it for myself.
sure enough, the lock screen now features a series of the pictures we’d taken. i blink, and i think my boiling, hot shower just cleansed every dirty thought i had before getting in, because i don’t remember us being this fucking horny. my cheeks flush despite myself. “paige, you cannot keep this on your phone.”
she strokes her chin, lowly laughing at my reaction. “why not? looks good, don’t it?”
i shake my head as i fight back every inch of amusement that wants to take over me. “it’s unhinged,” i retort, though the corner of my mouth betrays me. a part of me wants her to keep it.
she looks at me, completely unfazed. “everything we just did is unhinged.” well…
before i can think of a snappy comeback, there’s a sudden knock at the front door, loud and authoritative. my heart leaps, and i freeze. paige stiffens too, her smile faltering just slightly.
“shit,” i mutter, tossing her phone back on the bed. “put a shirt on.”
paige doesn’t move immediately, still grinning like she thinks this is funny.
“now, p!” i urge, hitting her arm and scrambling toward my closet for a robe.
“aight, aight,” she finally says, scurrying over and grabbing a shirt off the back of a chair. she takes her time pulling it on, moving like this isn’t urgent, like we’re not one knock away from being exposed.
but then there’s another knock, louder this time. not from the front door—this one is right outside the bedroom.
the fuck?
i freeze, my hand still on the closet door, dread pooling in my stomach.
paige’s eyes widen as realization dawns on her. “yo, who has a key to your apartment?” she mouths, grabbing the polaroids and shoving them under the pillow in a panic.
i shake my head as if to tell her i wouldn’t know before squaring my shoulders, trying to channel a calm i don’t feel. If i act casual, maybe—just maybe—i can smooth this over. except i don’t know who it is. we don’t know who it is. i tie the robe around myself and open the door slowly, preparing for the worst.
and there she is. cameron brink.
her arms are crossed as she scans the room, and she doesn’t have a reaction to paige’s presence in the slightest bit. i speak first. “how’d you—“ i start, but she cuts me off, holding up a pink key decorated with yellow daisies attached to her keychain.
well, shit.
“i had a feeling i’d need this,” she says coolly, stepping inside without waiting for an invitation. “and your locations.” her eyes flick over my robe, then to paige standing awkwardly by the bed, and then back to me.
“bye, paige,” she says pointedly, not even giving her the courtesy of a glance as she busies herself by stuffing her keys into her purse.
paige hesitates, looking between me and cam, clearly debating whether to say something. i’ve got my own arms crossed, chewing down on my lip like a kid in trouble. she takes the hint, and finally, she steps toward me, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek before grabbing her phone and heading toward the door. “i’ll… catch you later.”
if it weren’t for the predicament we were in, i’d call her adorable.
the door closes behind her, leaving me alone with cam, and i don’t even have to look at her to know what’s coming.
“really?”
i roll my eyes, crossing my arms tighter against my chest. i shouldn’t be upset with her though. i’m deflecting. “you stalking me now?”
cam smirks, but there’s no humor in it. “i came to apologize for what happened at the bar,” she says. “in person, because i haven’t seen you. but now i know why—you’ve been busy.” her voice has something etched in it, almost like she’s disappointed in me, but at the same time, knew.
i look away, fingers curling around the fabric of my robe. “it’s not like that,” i mutter, but even i don’t believe it. not really. it is like that. and maybe i’m just too tired of pretending i can stay away.
“isn’t it? i thought you were done with her,” she says, her brows raising like she’s daring me to lie.
i let out a breath, awkwardly keeping my hands to my sides as i sit on the edge of the bed. “me too.”
“then why is she leaving your apartment like a one-night stand?”
“because—” i start, but the words stick in my throat. what was i supposed to say? that seeing paige nearly every day had unraveled every ounce of willpower i had? that being around her felt like falling into an old habit, comfortable and impossible to resist?
“you try having your ex-girlfriend get drafted to the team you work for,” i say finally.
still, she rambles. “and maya?” cam presses. she’s so worried about it you’d think it was her problem. “they’re seeing each other, you know that, right?”
i close my eyes for a moment, guilt clawing at my chest. that wasn’t fair. “we haven’t…” i trail off, shaking my head. “we haven’t been thinking that far.”
cam exhales, hand running down her face. “that’s the problem, nai. you’re not thinking.”
her words settle into the room, a bit harsh for me to hear, but not untrue. and maybe that’s what stings the most—that i’ve been avoiding this conversation with myself for weeks. the truth is, i haven’t thought about anything beyond the way paige makes me feel when she’s close, the way her voice drops when she says my name, the way her hands feel like they’re meant to pull me back in no matter how far i run. i haven’t thought about maya, about what it would mean for her to find out, about how i’d explain myself if it came to that. i haven’t thought about the job i fought so hard to get, and how quickly it could all fall apart if this got out.
i look at cam. she looks like she’s seen this all before. she hasn’t. she hasn’t even seen half of it and wants better for me. she loves us both, i know that. but apart better than together.
i bite my lip, frustration pooling in my gut as i try to put my thoughts together. somehow, the only thing i can think about is how this isn’t just paige and i’s secret anymore, and i should fight to keep it under wraps until we figure it out. “please don’t tell maya,” i plead.
cam looks at me, her expression unreadable for a long moment before she sits down beside me, close but not touching. “you know i won’t.” i feel a sense of relief. “but promise me you’ll start thinking. about how this affects your job. about you.” she chuckles dryly, emphasizing that i don’t really have a choice.
i suppose she’s right. she is right.
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puck-luck · 15 hours ago
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21 of clubs with Jack Hughes but with him being the submissive one please!
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warning: i REALLY enjoyed this one, sub!jack, riding, unprotected p in v, praise, bossing jack around, edging, begging, overstimulation, back being a NEEDY man when it comes to sucking on titties (he's a titty man we been knew)
wc: 939
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“You’re doing so well, baby,” you coo, dragging the pads of your fingertips down Jack’s chest. His eyes flutter shut, so you graze your thumbnail over his nipple. He jolts back to attention, eyes growing glassy and heady. “That’s right, J, keep your eyes on me.”
“Yeah,” Jack murmurs, slurring the word a little bit. You’ve been holding him right on the edge for almost an hour now, a seemingly impossible feat for the boy. He’s impatient and whiny, but his need to prove that he can behave trumps all of that. Normally, you’re not so strong– you like it when Jack comes inside of you with his helpless little whimper as much as anyone would. You like when he does it because you get to punish him until he’s keening and begging you for something, but he never actually knows what he wants. He doesn’t want it to stop, but he’s usually too overstimulated to continue. Still, he begs.
Today, he got an assist on every single goal that the Devils scored. You’re rewarding him by dangling his orgasm just out of reach, getting him all floaty and drunk before you tell him he can let go, because it’ll make his climax that much better. 
“You’re so good, J,” you continue, clenching down and swiveling your hips. You’re on top of him, trapping him against the bed, and Jack is white-knuckled with the way he’s trying to stay still. “My good boy, my perfect boy.”
A high-pitched noise escapes him involuntarily and Jack presses his lips together.
“Oh, I’m sorry, baby,” you apologize in a sickly-sweet voice, leaning down until your tits brush the plane of his chest. “I forgot how much you like it when I tell you how good you’re being. It’s just too much for you, isn’t it? You’re close?”
“Please,” he says, voice breaking. He bucks his hips accidentally, the tips of his ears going red. “Sorry,” he mumbles, breaking eye contact.
“Don’t worry about it, J,” you reply, bringing a hand to his cheek and having him face you. You plant a kiss on his mouth, sucking his bottom lip into your mouth and nibbling. “I think I’ve made you wait long enough. You want me to make you come?”
“Yes,” he wails. “Please, fuck, Y/N, please let me come. ‘M so close, just–”
“Need me to give you a little more,” you tease. “That’s what you need. Come whenever you’re ready, baby.” You lean back, bracing your hands on his thighs behind you, and you start to move up and down. His cock drags along your walls and you’re rolling your hips forward as you rise and fall. “You’re so pretty like this, Jack. Love it when your eyes get all faraway and you can’t look away from me. Makes me feel so pretty when you’re like this, being so good for me.”
Jack’s eyes squeeze shut and his head tilts back, a long whine droning from his throat. His Adam’s apple bobs as he chokes on his breath, so you bring your fingers to his neck and trail your fingers lightly over the ridges of his skin. You lean in close, still moving your hips, and poise your mouth next to Jack’s ear.
“Come,” you whisper, making sure your breath washes over his earlobe and the back of his neck in a way that will raise goosebumps.
Jack whimpers and shoots off immediately, the moans and gasps that fall from his lips like music to your ears. They’re just as desperate as the ropes of cum that are filling your pussy. “Thank you,” Jack tells you breathlessly as the spurts turn to droplets, then aftershocks that wrack only his body. 
You giggle. “We’re not done yet, baby.” Jack’s eyebrows quirk. You grin, biting your bottom lip and drawing a line up your stomach. When you reach your breasts, you cup the flesh and squeeze, making sure to pinch your nipple and roll the bud between your fingers. Jack licks over his bottom lip like a habit, eyes fixed on your chest. “I still haven’t come, J. You gonna lay there and be my good boy while I get myself off?”
He stares up at you, words comprehending, but unable to come up with a reply. 
You lean down again, brushing his lips against yours. “I’ll let you suck on my tits, sweet boy.”
Jack’s eyes go wide and he starts to nod, fervor driving his actions. Mouthing at your nipples distracts him like nothing else. He’ll be able to easily get past the overstimulation if he’s sucking at your skin– he’ll lose himself in the sensation and it’ll increase your pleasure by leaps and bounds. He’s so greedy with it, latching on as soon as you’ve made your breasts available to him. 
He loses track of himself, pushing at you and using his hockey strength to roll you over onto your back. He continues to bite and suck, making sweet little noises when you pet through his hair. His hips have started moving without knowing it– he’s fucking into you in slight movements, humping your welcoming cunt mindlessly as he gets his fix. The desperation and instinctual movements, Jack’s complete unawareness because he’s so focused on your chest, hurtles you toward your climax. You watch his body move and admire how he feels so good that he can’t help but fuck you, even as overstimulated as he is. His whimpers could be greed, needing more from your tits, but you have a feeling that they’re born from his rocking and the sensation that burns his semi-hard cock with each thrust.
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Overwhelmed.
word count - 650.
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You were stuck in your own little bubble.
As much as you enjoyed being there, and getting to meet so many new people and create friendships that would last a life time, you couldn’t help but miss home.
Even though your husband wasn’t far from your being, you missed home really freaking bad.
You missed your friends, your family, you missed Anne and Gemma and missed the home comforts.
You missed your blanket and you missed you comfort Teddy that shared the bed with you and Harry.
It was just so overwhelming.
You were sat down by the creek, fingers delicately playing with the water, your hair was in some french braids that GK had done for you this morning, and your bare feet were dipping in and out of the water.
This was the first time you had really felt like this, and you had no idea why it was only coming long now.
Coleen had walked up to the creek, thinking she was going to be having a nice swim to herself, when the sound of quiet sniffles drew her attention else where.
She placed her towel on the rock and looked up to see you sat there, feet dangling and tears rolling down your face.
She frowned and hesitantly approached you.
“(Y/N)?” She whispered as she came and sat down next to you. “— is everything okay, sweetheart?”
You jumped when you heard another voice from behind you.
And when you saw Coleen sit down next to you, you were quick to wipe away your tears and offered her a shaky smile. “Yeah, I’m all good.”
“Babe, you don’t have to lie to me.” She offered you a gentle smile and that was all it took for you to break down in her arms.
You leant your head against her collar bone and she brought you into her arms and rubbed up and down your back soothingly.
She had that motherly touch that you missed so deeply.
“Shh…it’s okay.” She consoled you. “— you want to tell me what’s the matter?”
You pulled away from her embrace and wiped at your eyes. “I’m just overwhelmed I guess.”
“I get it,” she nodded her head. “— it can be a lot, being surrounded by so many things that are uncommon to you, I’ve found it hard too and I bet if you asked anyone else they would say the exact same thing.”
You swallowed harshly. “I’m just missing home, and I know that’s selfish of me to say because everyone else is in the same boat as me, but I’ve never experienced anything like this before.”
“And it’s okay to feel like that,” she brushed a stray strand of hair out of your face that had fell out of your braids. “— it proves that you human.”
You smiled at her softly. “Can you do me a favour?”
“Of course,” she nodded. “— anything.”
“Could you go and get Harry for me?”
Coleen smiled at you an understanding smile and nodded her head, standing up to her feet and disappearing back the way that she entered.
Not even five minutes later, Harry came running through the leaves, out of breath and hair slightly disheveled.
You let out a soft laugh. “— did you run?”
He sat down on the floor where Coleen was previously sat, and you didn’t hesitate to lay your head on his lap, and his hands instantly went to running up and down your spine.
“S’matter, baby?” He asked, pulling his bottom lip between his fingers.
“Just overwhelmed,” you blinked. “— missing home, missing family, missing Paddy.”
Paddy was the name of the stuffed animal you slept with at home.
“Yeah?” He hummed. “— it’s okay to feel like that, I’m feeling it, I know for a fact Danny and Jane are feeling it.”
He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head.
“Your not alone, Sunshine.”
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@luvr4miya @thurhomish @shanice @lomlolivia @harryshouseo1 @gem1712 @ashleighsss
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firstkanaphans · 1 day ago
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GMMTV 2025 Tier List
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Thanks to @rythyme for the template. You can make your own here.
Overall, I was very pleased with this year’s line-up. I think it’s the most solid line-up we’ve seen from GMMTV, possibly ever, and the people complaining about it are simply never going to be satisfied by anything GMMTV does. 
A break-down of my S and A tiers can be found below the cut:
Ticket to Heaven (S): I was raised in a Southern Baptist church which, for those unfamiliar with the different sects of Christianity in American, is basically a cult. I have a lot of unprocessed and unhealed religious trauma that still fucks me up to this day, but for some reason, I gravitate towards shows like this that show gay characters overcoming the struggles I’m still fighting. I’m very excited for this one and I think it’s perfectly cast. It’s giving me ITSAY meets Your Name Engraved Herein vibes and will probably make me cry, but I’m not mad about it.
Girl Rules (S): Toxic Yuri? Yes, please! To be quite honest, I’ve never been a huge MilkLove fan, but this trailer totally changed my mind. I think I just haven’t vibed with the characters they’ve played in the past because Love in this??? Oh my god. She’s going to kill me. All of the girls were hot and horny. What more could you ask for?
Dare You to Death (S): Listen. Do y’all remember that Amazon show Panic? I was obsessed with it for no obvious reason because I’m pretty sure it wasn’t even gay, but this is giving me that and I literally cannot wait. I also adore that they’ve finally let JoongDunk switch up their roles so that Joong is the one that actually gets to emote this time because boy does he look pretty when he smiles. 
Cat for Cash (A): Oh my god it’s so soft 😭 The found family feels are getting to me. I think it’s very obvious from this trailer that they only have concepts of a script right now, but I have high hopes that this could be something really special. P’Au was the director of MSP which is one of my favorite BLs of all time. He’s been stuck doing Japanese adaptations this year, which I don’t think he likes or excels at, but I’m excited to see him tackle an original script in the genre he’s most comfortable with. He’s P’Aof’s protege and their styles are very similar. 
Love You Teacher (A): This is my “hear me out” of the day. Age regression isn’t a trope I’m familiar with and I do have some reservations, but boy did this trailer make me feel things. If this was just a basic amnesia plot, it would probably be S tier for me. I think it was perfectly cast and I’m willing to reserve judgment until I see the finished product. P’Dome of Peaceful Property fame is directing, so I’m expecting that same brand of “romcom” where it’s actually not a romcom at all and instead makes you cry every single episode.
Only Friends: Dream On (A): I was going to put this in B tier, but EarthMix fucking on stage in an empty theater bumped this up to an A for me. I fully expect to enjoy this version of Only Friends more than the original because the original stressed me the fuck out. This time, I have no skin in the game and can just sit back and enjoy the ride.
Melody of Secrets (A): I’ve watched this trailer like four times and I still have no clue what’s happening, but I like the vibes. ForceBook proved in Peaceful Property that they can take on a serious script and I’ve always felt that Book especially is highly underrated as an actor. I’m excited to see them branch out and try something different.
Tagging a few people whose tier lists I would love to see, but feel free to ignore: @doublel27, @mbjw, @wangxianinventedromance, @elliebirdwrites, @khaopybara, @moonkhao, @boozles, @scrumptiousstuffs
And everyone else please feel free to participate and tag me in yours as well!
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twomoreseconds · 15 hours ago
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Arcane theory - The first timeline
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Now this might be a bit long so please bear with me. I absolutely loved the ending of Arcane (we win jayvik nation) but there are a few aspects of it that I can’t quite wrap my head around. If anybody has a different perspective than me please do tell I’d love to hear it.
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Now for what I don’t quite understand (I’ve never been good with the logic of time travel)
1. What was the first timeline like? How did the story play out the first time round? Ik time doesn’t work like that and ik about the bootstrap paradox but I’m still so curious. And how did Viktor know Jayce would be the one to save him?
2. How did Viktor know that he was giving Jayce a different rune each time? Is there like some history tab in the Arcane??
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I’ll now try to answer these questions but again it’s all purely my speculation:
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1. What was the first timeline like? How did the story play out the first time round? How did Viktor know Jayce would be the one to save him?
We learn that each time Viktor ends up destroying the world he goes back in time in an attempt to stop himself. He says to Jayce “In all timelines, in all possibilities, only you can show me this (this being the fault of his ideology).” This means he is certain that Jayce is the key to stopping him.
Now as to how he knows it’s Jayce and only Jayce that can free him from his false ideas. I have two theories.
A) He’s literally gone trough ALL other possibilities.
He’s nudged all people in and around Zaun and Piltover in the direction of developing hextech and through trial and error he finds that Jayce is the one. - This has many faults and is more of an idea than a theory
B) In the first timeline that started their loop he had already met Jayce.
If he had already in some capacity come into contact with Jayce and seen his desire to prove himself, his drive and kindness. He would know that that’s the person who’s to be his conquests undoing. - This theory sounds more plausible to me and thus is what I’ll be going with
With this established we can move on to what the first time line was like.
Since Viktor wasn’t there to save his mother, Jayce grows up to be an orphan (I can’t remember anyone ever mentioning his dad). I believe he would still gravitate to becoming an inventor/ scientist, but with no funding he would probably be someone’s assistant or some such.
Viktor wouldn’t have met Jayce so early so he would still be Heimerdingers assistant. Eventually though his illness would start showing and in my mind, Viktor wouldn’t want to die without his life meaning something, without helping the people of Zaun.
I believe he would go see Singed just like he did in our timeline. Singed wouldn’t have the support from Silco like he does in our timeline since there would be no explosion in Piltover, thus no arrest of Vander, thus no death of Vander, thus no Silco leader (presumably).
This would mean that Singed would seek more drastic measures for example hextech. I believe he would have given Viktor some hextech crystals and shimmer, maybe as a part of a deal maybe out of the goodness of his own heart.
I think Viktor would start researching hextech which would perhaps catch the attention of Jayce, leading to them working together on hextech in secret.
As his illness would progress Viktor would again corrupt the core and enhance his leg. This time though since there is no funding for their illegal study there would be no Sky, meaning there would be no accident (don’t even dare to tell me it would kill Jayce I don’t want to even think about that).
If there is no accident then maybe Viktor would use the core on himself sooner. Become the machine herald as he would have no guilt (Sky) making him hold on to his humanity.
If he becomes the machine herald so soon Jayce wouldn’t have much time to talk him out of everything. Not only would there not be enough time to talk, since they met so late their connection wouldn’t quite be what it becomes in our time line.
Jayce would get pretty close though since after Viktor achieves his salvation of the human race and realizes its faults, it’s Jayce who he trusts to save everyone.
Now he would come up with the plan to inspire Jayce sooner, so he develops hextech sooner, so they meet sooner, so Jayce has more time to stop him.
This only eventually works when Ekko buys him more time, otherwise he still wouldn’t have enough time to convince Viktor. (Ekko is the goat fr)
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Now for with the one that makes the least amount of sense to me.
2. How did Viktor know he was giving Jayce a different rune each time?
In episode 9 we are explicitly shown and told that Viktor went and tried all kinds of different runes in hopes that one will give Jayce enough time to save him.
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Let’s say he starts with rune A, it doesn’t work so when he’s in the “world rid of humanity’s imperfections” he decides to give him rune B.
Now if it doesn’t work, the Viktor in the past who meets Jayce with rune B becomes the Viktor in the present.
Only problem is new Viktor is here for the first time. He presumably doesn’t have the memories of old Viktor, so how could he know that the rune he decides to try this time isn’t one he’s already tried for example rune A.
How does he know that he’s not already in an endless cycle of going between A and B. Never even trying C.
I believe the only explanation would be that the Arcane is somehow giving him access to all his “past” memories from his past timelines.
Although time doesn’t really work like that. Time is a loop a cycle it doesn’t have an end or a beginning who’s to say that it wouldn’t give him memories of the acceleration rune working.
But I digress since I can’t think of a better solution.
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If anyone actually read it to the end thank you and sorry that it lowkey read more like fanfiction than a theory.
If anybody has literally any other ideas please comment I wanna hear them so bad you don’t even know.
In conclusion going by my theory Jayvik are truly meant to meet in every timeline and Viktor is the direct downfall of Vander and Vanders Zaun. (What a silly guy am I right or am I right)
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tinkaaabutt · 2 days ago
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Like A Tattoo—E.W
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Summary: You and Ellie Williams have always been a team—surviving, fighting, loving. But when cracks begin to form in your fragile world, the weight of loss and unspoken fears threatens to tear you apart.
The rain was relentless, pounding against the tin roof of the cabin as you sat on the couch, cradling your arms against your chest. Ellie was by the window, her silhouette framed by the dim light of the lantern she had lit earlier. She hadn’t said a word in hours, her jaw tight and her fingers twitching at her sides.
“Ellie,” you said softly, breaking the silence.
She didn’t turn.
“I can’t do this if you won’t talk to me,” you tried again, your voice trembling with the weight of the day.
The run had gone wrong—badly wrong. You’d barely made it back alive, and Joel’s old shotgun, which Ellie had carried with her religiously, was still lying in the dirt somewhere outside the QZ. You knew she blamed herself, even if she hadn’t said it outright.
“It’s fine,” she muttered finally, her voice low and sharp.
“It’s not fine,” you shot back, your frustration bubbling to the surface. “We almost died out there, Ellie. I need to know what’s going on in your head.”
Her shoulders tensed, and for a moment, you thought she might finally open up. Instead, she turned to face you, her eyes hard and unreadable.
“You wouldn’t understand,” she said, and the words cut deeper than you expected.
You stood, pacing the small room as you struggled to keep your voice steady. “How can you say that? After everything we’ve been through—everything I’ve done for you—”
Ellie’s laugh was bitter and cold. “Yeah, and look where that got us. People die, Y/N. That’s just how it is. You can’t save everyone.”
The unspoken accusation hung heavy in the air. You flinched, the guilt you carried weighing even heavier on your chest.
“I’m not trying to save everyone,” you said, your voice breaking. “I’m just trying to save you.”
Ellie’s eyes softened for a fleeting moment, but the wall she’d built around herself was too high to climb. She shook her head, turning back to the window.
“You can’t save me,” she whispered, so quietly you almost missed it.
Tears blurred your vision as you stepped closer to her. “Ellie, please. You’re shutting me out, and I can’t—I won’t lose you.”
She finally turned to face you, and for the first time, you saw the raw pain in her eyes. “You don’t get it,” she said, her voice cracking. “Every time I let myself care, I lose someone. I can’t go through that again. Not with you.”
“Then let me help you,” you pleaded.
But Ellie just shook her head, backing away from you. “I don’t need your help. I don’t need anyone.”
Her words felt like a slap, but you held your ground. “That’s not true, Ellie. You’re just scared.”
“Of course I’m scared!” she shouted, her voice echoing in the small room. “I’m scared of losing you! Of waking up one day and realizing I couldn’t protect you. And I’d rather push you away now than watch you die because of me.”
The weight of her confession hit you like a wave, and you stepped forward, desperate to reach her. “Ellie, I’m not going anywhere. I love you, and I’ll fight for you, even if you won’t fight for yourself.”
But Ellie’s walls were up, and no matter how hard you tried, she wouldn’t let them down.
“Go,” she said, her voice hollow. “Just… go.”
Your heart shattered as you looked at her, standing there with tears streaming down her face and fear written all over her features. You wanted to fight, to stay, to prove to her that you weren’t giving up. But as her gaze hardened, you knew she wouldn’t let you.
So you turned and walked out into the rain, leaving behind the only person you’d ever truly loved.
And as the cabin door closed behind you, the only sound was the rain—and the breaking of two hearts.
End.
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dreamscapeee222 · 2 hours ago
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Could you maybe do a reversal or Arevik's request? As someone who struggles with their body image the other way around.
A/n: I was actually planning on this. Now I write this for you :) I hope you like it!
You struggle with your body image
Vi, Jinx, Caitlyn, Ekko, Jayce, Viktor, Mel
Masterlist
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Vi
Vi notices your discomfort with your reflection long before you voice it. She’s observant, her sharp eyes catching how you pull at your clothes or avoid mirrors.
"Hey, you don’t have to look like anyone else to kick butt, alright? Trust me—I’ve seen you in action." She’ll say it with conviction, her tone brooking no argument.
When she realizes how deep your struggles run, she doesn’t push, but she’s always there. She’ll drag you to a boxing gym one day, not to force you to fight but to show you how strong you are.
"You’ve got nothing to prove to anyone," she tells you after watching you land a perfect punch.
Jinx
Jinx is chaotic but fiercely protective. She notices your hesitation to eat or how you tug at your sleeves and immediately declares, "Whoever made you feel like this? I’m blowing ‘em up."
She tries to cheer you up in her own unpredictable ways—drawing exaggerated portraits of you that make you laugh and reminding you she doesn’t care about appearances.
"You’re my favorite person, you know that? And I’m the smartest person in Zaun, so... my opinion’s the only one that matters."
On bad days, she’ll cuddle up next to you, her arms tight around your waist, mumbling, "I’ve got you. You don’t need to change a thing."
Caitlyn
Caitlyn notices the subtle changes in your mood when the topic of appearances comes up. She approaches it delicately, waiting for you to feel safe enough to open up.
When you finally do, she listens carefully, her eyes soft with understanding. "You’re beautiful as you are, but I understand how hard it is to feel that way sometimes."
She makes small changes to help you feel more comfortable—like buying clothes in cuts and fabrics you’d like or planning outings to places where you won’t feel judged.
Caitlyn constantly reinforces how much she values you, not just with words but through her actions. "It’s okay to struggle. Just don’t forget that you’re never alone in this."
Ekko
Ekko’s no stranger to insecurity, so he picks up on your struggle almost immediately. He doesn’t push you to talk about it but offers little reassurances whenever he can.
"You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. And no one else gets to define what’s worth loving about you. That’s all you, alright?"
On hard days, he’ll distract you with his projects or take you for a ride through the Lanes, showing you the world through his eyes. "This city doesn’t define us—neither do the things we don’t like about ourselves."
He’s endlessly patient, always reminding you of your worth without overwhelming you.
Jayce
Jayce struggles to grasp the depth of your feelings at first. He’s used to being confident and assumes a pep talk will fix it. "You’re amazing, okay? Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise."
When he realizes it’s more complicated than that, he shifts his approach, becoming more attentive. He starts noticing when you’re withdrawn and subtly adjusts his behavior to meet you where you’re at.
He’ll pull you into a tight hug, his voice warm as he says, "Whatever you see when you look in the mirror... I wish you could see what I see."
Jayce is big on small gestures, like leaving notes or little gifts to remind you of how much he cares.
Viktor
Viktor is deeply empathetic and picks up on your struggles quickly, though he doesn’t address it outright at first. Instead, he starts spending more time with you, letting his quiet presence offer comfort.
One day, as you stare at yourself in the mirror with a defeated look, he speaks softly but firmly. "I’ve spent my life defying limitations—don’t let your mind be one of them."
Viktor gently encourages you to focus on what your body allows you to do rather than how it looks. He’ll share stories of his own insecurities, hoping it helps you feel less alone.
On particularly bad days, he simply takes your hand and reminds you, "You are enough. You always have been."
Mel
Mel’s approach is thoughtful and calculated, but her warmth shines through in every interaction. She notices your discomfort almost immediately but gives you the space to come to her.
When you do, she listens without judgment, her hand resting gently on yours. "There’s nothing wrong with you," she says, her tone firm yet kind. "But I’ll help you see that when you’re ready."
She introduces you to self-care routines that help her feel confident, but she’s careful never to make you feel pressured. "You don’t have to change a thing to deserve love—not from me, not from anyone."
Mel is fiercely protective, shutting down anyone who dares make you feel lesser. Her love is constant, unwavering, and she ensures you feel it in every word and touch.
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Requests may be sent through the ask box. Only SFW.
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shorties-unite · 5 months ago
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I did something last night that I’ve never ever done before. I told someone that I have romantic feelings for how I feel about them. It’s been one of the things I’ve been the most scared of for longer than I think I even realised, but actually doing it was so easy and I feel so relieved and proud of myself. <3
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kitten4sannie · 2 months ago
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look at the way i ride ~
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kavehater · 4 months ago
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I mean this from a social perspective not a health one : why does everything feel weird right now. Like yes I’m heartbroken about the reality of my position in the lives of my so called friends but now I just feel confused. I don’t understand why I’m not important and why I can’t change to be important to others, nor what makes a person important either.
#like okay yeah I’ve been lowkey crying in the middle of the night because of how unimportant I feel but that’s down pat now we get it#I just want to know why am I not ? like am I doing something wrong ? I could’ve sworn I’m trying my best to not be annoying frustrating and#to be there but the reality of things is that I can’t always be there given my condition#sometimes I wonder how hard it is to ask me a simple ‘are you okay’ or ‘how are you’ or god forbid that I am missed lmao pls fniesksn ignore#the last one I think that’s too much but at least the other two#I don’t want to tell people to ask me these because then it feels fake and that they’re doing it just for the sake of getting me to shut up#about it but I don’t know#dora daily#a reason why I hate insta with my whole life because it just never fails to prove how worthless I really am#like I could’ve died yk … and it’d still be the sahara desert there#anyways I like being alone a lot something I’ve found out about myself#(I hate it actually but I only like it because I cannot make myself do anything like even talking seems so very exhausting so I can manage#with the loneliness when I’m ill but I can’t cope with it when I’m even a smidge better)#sigh.#just sigh. where did I get my friends from and why does everyone seem to love their friends so much but I cannot#don’t get me wrong I talk about how much I love them to everyone and if I don’t I obsess abt them in my head but it is not reciprocated to#be honest. not at all#and that’s what makes me sad. I still love them because I love unconditionally it seems#but from a conditional viewpoint they do not cut it#and that makes me disappointed#that’s why I’d kill to be loved or heck even remotely liked the way I like others even half of that yk#I am not a good person in my eyes but I would do so much just to be liked like that I wish I knew why I’m not worth being liked only worthy#of being tolerated.
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littledead-ridinghood · 1 year ago
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And the most important Jason Todd discourse starts anew: is he or is he not a Swiftie?
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livvyofthelake · 9 months ago
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do i have the power to engineer a chance encounter in which my sister is endeared by the artful dodger enough to watch it with me… well not tonight but we will persist!!!
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maxgicalgirl · 2 months ago
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Not me going into Genshin to test some mods I’m making and seeing I have 65 wishes so I do like three pulls and end up getting Kinich 🧍
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Oh my god. You know it’s getting bad when you start doing things you don’t even want to do to procrastinate on something you really do want to do.
It would be one thing if it were something like a hobby; but the thing I want to do is also extremely necessary to my life.
#Hhhhhhngh#for three weeks I’ve been doing this#I’ve had all the time in the world#and I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m doing this out of a subconscious desire to prove to myself that I’m actually fucked up in the head#Which is already proof enough that I have that desire in the first place; but I keep going because it’s not enough#I only ever feel like I need care when I’m at my absolute worst#And suddenly after being so exhausted that I fell asleep at 7:00 some days; I’m staying up until 2:30 AM and waking up at 8:00???#and I feel fine and perfectly awake; but still can’t manage to get myself out of bed until 10:00 because Comfy#I sit and I read for an hour; then I go on my phone and emerge at 5:00 PM#If I go in the bathroom it takes forever to get back out because I end up talking to myself in the mirror about god knows what#I feel like I need some kind of… idk… very strong stimulant in me so I can actually care about things#not that stimulants work like that; but I need to have some kind of catastrophic life event… to get beaten up or something#something to put pure fear and concern in my veins#It is summer and there is almost no chance of me getting kicked or catching a football in the wrong place#and I don’t have to run right now either#I could do something#I know how#But even that is a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation; because that ALSO makes me not want to do things#At least then I’d have a palpable (literally) excuse but uh…. I’m still kind of getting over the last time#I am on my phone all day and I recognize that’s bad; but the thing I need to do is to send an email… which is on my phone; so there’s that#hypocritical#idk there’s something about using limited supplies to deal with a problem that needs more and hoping for the best#it excites me#Makes me feel like a big boy who can handle serious situations#But if I create the problem then it means nothing except that I cannot handle problems at all#I should not have all the responsibilities I do because I am not entirely in my right mind#I am thinking about it though#It’s tempting#get behind me satan
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