#but let me traumatized dammit

[shadow-ren]

OM/N Rant

If there is one thing that annoys me across both Obey Me games is that MC can't have more depth. Don't get me wrong, they do have a lot of personality and it shows. They have guts, intelligence, and adaptability, but the one thing I want is to have more consequential depth. What I mean by that is I want MC to be able to complain, be mad, scream, and yell about their situation. I want to be able to be frustrated and show it in the game.

I know that that is nearly impossible since MC needs to be somewhat broad about their characterization so it can fit a variety of players, but come on - How many times has MC almost been killed or killed? How many times has MC's trust been betrayed? Mistreated? Trampled? Several times. Too many times. They have been mistreated by demons and looked down upon by demons AND angels.

I don't know about anyone else, but in the original obey me after all the crap happened with Belphie and the brothers were all awkward around each other. We ended up talking to Simeon and his line of "counseling our little lambs" is kind of demeaning. I remember glaring at my phone when I first read that. Then all the stuff the brothers say at the beginning of the game about us being human has to get under people's skins since I know it did mine. It still does.

Then the very fact that the first lesson of the OG game has you just dropped into the council room, said you are to stay there for a year and btw you might get eaten. I'd be livid. I'd be questioning their intelligence and common sense. Their fucking audacity to think this would be okay to do? Just because they are demons? Fuck that. I don't care if you are a demon or GOD I will fight you in a Denny's parking lot. But we do, we stick there and nearly get killed by Belphigor for doing WHAT HE REQUESTED the little shit. I'd never trust his ass again much less want to be in the same room with him, but we don't have a choice. We can state that we haven't forgiven him, but we are still "okay" to be around him. No, absolutely not.

Then Solomon shows up the next season to drag us back down there after saying "You miss the Devildom, right? Let's go!" without any explanation. We are always left in the dark and I hate it. Communication people! And again we are dragged to the Devildom, but of the PAST in Nightbringer so we "can be happier". Fuck that.

Let me decide what I want and let me be traumatized!

[constantvariations]

Lady's line "I'm just gonna double check" while walking off after everyone's finally in one place always confused me, but what if that's her cover for going someplace quiet to have a complete breakdown? Hell, it could be code for Trish, Lady, and Dante. Lord knows they all need a good cry now and then

[a-coffee-addict-613]

Cold hands - Part 2 - Simon "Ghost" Riley x fem!reader

Part 1

Summary : part 2 to Cold Hands, literally picks up right where part 1 ends; in other words, the much awaited smut

CW : smut duh, oral sex (both m & f receiving), unprotected sex (don't be like Ghost guys), choking, one tiddy slap

The sound of her knees hitting the cold ground echoed in Ghost's mind, his breath shallow, his body tense as he waited for her to make the next move. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides, being out in the open was making him antsy, but he would never admit it so he screwed his jaw shut and waited, waited for her to- 

All thoughts flew out of his head as he felt her warm mouth wrap around the head of his cock. Instinctively, both his hands reached out to hold onto her head, more precisely her ponytail. 

She decided to skip all the teasing she would normally do and just go for it instead, since time was of the essence. She took his tip into her mouth, taking the time to lap it up, savoring his hot salty taste beneath her tongue. It wasn't long before she was desperately trying to fit his length inside her mouth. Ghost could definitely feel her desperation, and so he decided to, oh so kindly, help her by thrusting his hips, his cock hitting the back of her throat. He felt as if all oxygen was leaving him with each thrust he did, like his mask was suffocating him, or perhaps she was just sucking all air from him, literally. She gave a low hum of satisfaction each time he hit the back of her throat, but his length was definitely too much for her to handle for a long period of time, so she pulled out to gasp for air. She used both of her hands to stroke his cock. She looked up at him with glossy lips and shiny eyes, the sight almost made Ghost cum right then and there like a teenage boy, he groaned a bit too loudly as he threw his head back, as if that would make his breathing easier. 

“I’m not cold anymore, this is warming me up quite nicely.” She commented with a sly smile, Ghost’s head snapped back to look down at her and if it wasn’t a pretty sight… This time there was no mistaking it, she saw his smirk through the mask, but she did not comment on it, she could not risk this moment to end. 

She brought her head back down onto his length, at least that way it would be occupied with something else, and she wouldn’t tease him for it. She went back into trying to fit his cock in her mouth, and he started thrusting again, with the addition of one of her hands stroking whatever she couldn’t fit in her mouth and the other was massaging his heavy balls. 

It was just too much for Ghost, and before he knew it, he was cumming into her mouth, much sooner than he had wanted to… 

“Ah fuckin’ dammit !” he let out between gritted teeth as he came, his grip tightening on her hair. 

Suddenly, amidst his pleasure, he heard approaching footsteps. In a panicked rush, he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her to her feet. She looked at him with wide eyes, mouth still full, panicking too, but not for the same exact reason as him. Sure, she was panicking about the footsteps, but she was also panicking about whether she had time to spit his spend out and if she did have time, would Ghost take it badly. 

The person whose footsteps belonged to, Price, came before she could make a decision. Thankfully, Ghost had had enough time to close his pants in a rush and make up his belt. She remained there, mouth full, too shocked to do anything. She tried to act natural. Tried…

Ghost internally groaned at how guilty she looked. 

“I’ve come to take the next shift. Was everything alright ?” Price asked, looking at her. It was Ghost who answered after a short silence. Since she had a full mouth…, he noticed. 

“Yes, Captain, nothing to report.” 

“I asked Doc, she looks like you’ve traumatized her, Ghost.” Price said back. 

Oh, if he knew the truth, Ghost thought. She gave Ghost an angry look for making her have to do this, and she swallowed. Ghost had to hold himself back from chuckling. 

“Everything went well, Cap.” She said at last. Price nodded in place of an answer, with that they began to walk away towards where the tents were, leaving Price at the lookout location. Before they could make two steps, Price spoke, his back turned to them. 

“Lieutenant. Your belt is half undone. And Doc, perhaps dust off the dirt from your knees.” She decided that she could die from shame right there and then. Ghost remained stoic, but he was definitely chastising himself for not doing up his belt better in his head. 

They both uttered a ‘yes sir, sorry sir’ and rushed out of there. 

“That was a mistake.” Ghost told her as soon as they were near her tent. 

She opened her mouth to tell him that he was a jerk for saying that, and that it certainly didn’t seem like he felt that way when he was cumming in her mouth. But she never had the opportunity to, because in true Ghost fashion, as soon as he uttered those words, he left her standing there and got into his tent. 

“Asshole”, she throws at his retreating back before she too disappears into her own tent. 

Some time later, she tosses and turns in her sleeping bag. Despite the added layers of her sleeping bag and the tent warding off the wind, she was still cold. After turning some more, she gets up with a groan. Not even bothering to put her boots or her pants back on, she walks over to Ghost’s tent. She lets herself in wordlessly and sheds her jacket, dropping it on the ground, and begins to get in Ghost’s sleeping bag. 

“What are you doing ?”, his voice, cuts through the darkness. 

“I’m cold.”, she answers plainly. 

“I’m not falling f’ that again. Go back to your tent.” he says, voice cold and emotionless. 

“Fine, I’m going to ask Johnny if I can stay with him instead.”, she answers, turning around, moving to leave. 

“Just get in and don’t say anything.” Ghost says, stopping her in her tracks. Had it not been pitched in the tent, Ghost would have been able to see the wide toothy grin she was sporting as she got her way and got inside his sleeping bag with him. Without a word, Ghost raised his arm, allowing her to lay her head on his chest and glue herself to his side. 

“Christ, you weren’t lying, you’re bloody freezing.”, he says when her cold feet and legs tangle up with his. She doesn’t say anything, only hugs his body closer to her. Silence reigns in the tent, for five minutes… Ten minutes… Fifteen minutes go by, and she dares to be the one to speak up first. Her mouth opens, then closes, no sounds or words coming out. 

“Goodnight then…”, she mutters awkwardly at last. Ghost does not answer, not with words at least; his lips brush against her forehead, but he changes his mind last minute and does not kiss it. Nevertheless, she smiles into the darkness, not because of the almost kiss, well maybe a bit, but mostly because she realizes that he trusts her enough to not have his mask on whilst he lays besides her. Granted it's pitch black, and she cannot see his face, not even make out any of his features, but it’s a small step. 

She turns on her side, her back to him. Almost instantly, he follows, also turning on his side, gluing his body to hers, spooning her. His strong arms wrap around her middle and pull her possessively to his chest. She tries to stifle her giggles, tries, and fails. 

“Stop it.” Ghost grinds out from between his teeth. 

“Why ?”, she asks almost mockingly, but she doesn’t need Ghost to answer. No, she can feel his answer, or in other words, she can feel his slowly hardening length come to life against the small of her back. 

“Why… You just came not even half an hour ago, how can you want to go at it again ?”, she asks, surprised even if her own arousal is starting to seep from her pussy at the thought of pleasuring him again. 

“Do you want this, yes or no ?”, he asks, making sure that he has her consent, because the only thing he wants to do right now is bury his head between her legs, but he needs her consent first. 

“Yes…”, she answers in a whisper. That was all Ghost needed to spring into action, he rolled her into her back and knelt between her legs. Throwing all caution and decorum out of the window, he ripped her panties from her body and helped her legs onto his broad  shoulders. She barely had time to think, only gasp as he attached his mouth onto her clit, no warming up to it, no tender kisses on her thighs, and honestly she wouldn’t have it any other way. Her back arched from the ground, her mouth opened in pleasure but no sound came from it, she couldn’t risk the whole team hearing her moans. Ghost’s tongue swirled around her clit, the noises dirty and erotic. It was all so intense, the way he was eating her out, like he hadn’t had a woman under him in months, which is the case. One of her hands reached out to hold his hair when he sucked her clit onto her mouth, a move that felt particularly good. 

She giggles in surprise, “You have long hair ! What color is it ?”, she says which quickly forms into a breathy moan when Ghost grunts into her pussy and nips on her clit instead of an answer which basically means ‘I’m not telling, now shut it’. 

“Ghost… Simon…”, she corrects herself given the intimacy of the situation, she reckons she can call him by his name instead of his call sign, “I want you…”, she mutters, pleasure swirled into her tone. 

“This is me.”, he pulls back just enough to say, each of his words breathed directly into her clit, his lips grazing it delicately, sending shivers down her spine. 

“No, I want all of you…”, she tries to correct herself, her train of thought turning to mud when he attaches his mouth to her clit again. 

“This is all of me”, he says cockily, a smirk on his face. His hand comes up to replace his mouth, two fingers sloppily rubbing her clit, now drenched in saliva. Those same two finger then make their way down and enter her weeping hole. She cries out quietly at the sensation of his mouth on her clit joining his thick fingers inside her quivering pussy

“I want… I need your cock.”, she manages to say amidst her gasps and shallow moans. Ghost groans in response. Fuck, she sounds so pretty when she begs, he can’t help but think to himself, his cock throbbing in his pants. 

Ghost, the harsh Lieutenant who is a finely tuned war machine, turns into nothing more than an ordinary man at the sounds of her pleas. He couldn’t imagine not giving her everything that she asks for when he uses that tone. Yeah, I’m screwed, he thinks to himself as he rises onto his knees once again, opening his pants deftly. I have to get myself together, regain some semblance of control, he says to himself. 

“Turn around, on all fours.”, he tells her in a cold voice, his usual tone. 

“Okay…”, she mutters, but she does it regardless. She doesn’t have time to think of anything witty to say because his tip is at her entrance. She braces for him to enter her, only to be met with a loud groan, and his forehead lowers itself to rest on her shoulder. 

“I don’t have a rubber…”, he bites out in frustration. 

“It’s okay, I’m clean, and I have an IUD.”, she answers, her hand reaching back to grab his thigh and encourage him to sheath himself inside her. 

“Thanks love.”, he whispers in a strong British accent against her neck, laying a soft kiss on it to show his appreciation, and that is the last bit of gentleness that she experiences coming from him because as soon as he does it, he straightens and grabs her hips tightly then guides his cock into her. 

“Bloody hell…”, he breathes out when he is fully inside of her, her own breaths are erratic, her walls pulsating around him. He soon begins to move, his rhythm slowly building up until he is finally thrusting hard into her, his pace relentless. She has long had to press her face into his pillow to stifle her moans of pleasure, his scent only overwhelming her with pleasure even more. Pillow or not, there was no denying to anyone that passed by his tent of what exactly was transpiring between them, the sound of his hips meeting her ass easily recognizable. 

She begins to feel the tell-tale sign of her incoming orgasm, but she needs something to help push her over the edge. She carefully gets up onto shaky knees, her back now once again glued to his front but in a much different context. As if reading her mind, Ghost’s hand sneaks down her front and starts to draw tight circles on her poor engorged clit, she opens her mouth but no sound comes out. No, it is her pussy that answers him, more precisely the way it tightens incredulously tight around his dick as he continues to pound into her. 

Her orgasm hits her like a truck, pleasure sending shocks through her body, the orgasm so strong that she almost falls forward. Ghost reacts quickly, too quickly, he catches her, his hands coming to hold her by her neck, his grip tight but not hurting, just enough to cut off most of her oxygen. Just enough to make her orgasm seem like it’s never ending, giving her no choice but to ride the intense wave of pleasure for what must have been at least a minute. And as she did, there was no muffling it, she screamed, she screamed his name. That was enough for Ghost, he came at the same time as she did, his grunt loud, louder than he intended it to be, right beside her ear. His cum shooting out of him and into her, filling her with his essence, his smell, his everything. 

They both collapsed onto the sleeping bag, sweaty, panting and satisfied.

“Stop fuckin’ and go to sleep”, they heard Soap yell from his tent nearby. She laughed, Ghost groaned, knowing that Johnny will make fun of him in the morning and for the next few months too. They remained in the dark, her head on his shoulder, his arm around her, resting on her breast, he started to close his eyes to try and get some sleep when she broke the silence. 

“So, what color is it ? Your hair ?”

Ghost groaned, rubbing his temples, “Just go to sleep.” 

“Or what, you’ll spank me ?”, she asks jokingly, teasing him. He spanks her breast very lightly, not even hurting her. A warning. 

“Sleep.”, he repeats. And she obeys. This time at least…

A/N : I hope you liked it, I'm sorry for the time it took for me to write part 2, I'm a slow writer. If you want to see more of them, perhaps the time Ghost allows himself to be lovey dovey and/or they realise their feelings for each other, let me know !

[needlereads]

Makes You Unsteady

Bucky Barnes x agent!Reader

Warnings: fem!reader; anxious Bucky; soft Bucky; not canon compliant at all

A/N: oh boy, first time posting a Bucky Barnes ff. I've been scribbling these little interactions of Bucky loving a SHIELD agent, and finally decided dammit I'm going to post them.

He paused at the end of the hall. This was stupid. You were asleep by this time. What had he planned on doing, knocking on your door and disturbing you? You probably wouldn’t appreciate that.

Before James could turn back towards the elevator, he heard a click and the motion sensing hall light around the corner came on. Peering past the corner, he was surprised to see the very woman who had been occupying his mind, very much not asleep as he had presumed. You leaned against your doorframe, loitering for a bit.

What were you doing up?

You finally turned, your steps would take you further from him. He knew Darren’s room was a couple of doors down from you.

Your name escaped his lips before he could think properly about the consequences. You turned, squinted at him with tired eyes.

“James?”

“Where you headed?” He strode towards you, as if it was normal to be making rounds in these private quarters.

You rubbed your eyes. As he drew closer he could tell you were growing more alert, though still adorably dazed from a lack of sleep.

“Oh, just over to Darren’s.” Your best friend was always the default destination when you didn’t want to be alone.

“Is something the matter?” He didn’t usually try to pry. But he couldn’t just stand still and let you walk away, couldn’t bear to watch you seek comfort in someone else when he was physically in your reach and ready to give comfort himself. Maybe he was tired out of his mind too, to disregard his usual inhibitions, let alone the chance of you asking him why he was wandering the building barely an hour after getting back from a mission.

“You just got back. You’re early.” Your eyes climbed down his body and up again. “Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m not.” Was it selfish that his heart glowed warmly to see you so concerned over his well-being? “Is something the matter? How come you’re up?” he asked gently again. Locks of bed-swept hair framed you face. His fingers twitched with the instinct to sweep them back and trace down you braid.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“I could sit with you.” God what was he saying? “If you want, that is.”

“Yeah.”

James held his breath as you replied.

“I’d like that,” you said.

In your room, you both settled on your two seater sofa.

“Has it been like this for a while? Not being able to fall asleep?”

You shrugged. “It’s not so bad. I had a nightmare,” said, almost amused. “I don’t usually dream vividly, but tonight…”

He waited, hoping he wasn’t invading your privacy.

“It was the plane crash. The one my parents were in.” You had not been there for it, but your mind conjured images for you anyway. “As if I had been there too, like I had made my mom give up the window seat and then snuggled up to her side. I…was such a baby with her.” A breathy laugh left you. “Can’t even have the decency to be traumatized by something I actually went through. Like the burning building, or the explosion at the compound.” You didn’t catch his frown.

James swung his legs up, sitting criss-cross to face you. “Can I share something?”

You nodded.

“Sometimes in my sleep I feel like I’m falling and I can’t stop. It creeps me out and I can’t wait to wake up and stop falling.”

“The train,” you whispered.

He nodded. “But worse than that, worse than the nightmares about shooting on command, or the war battles that I don’t remember…I dream about my mom and sisters being killed. My mind convincing me that Hydra found them and shot each of them in the street, or that they drowned, or that they just…stopped breathing in their sleep.” He shook his head. “None of those things happened but I wake up and I want to throw up. I want to go back in time and hunt every Hydra piece of shit and kill them a hundred times over. I want…”

You stopped him with a hand over his metal one. “Don’t. Please.”

He was about to say he wanted to not wake up from his sleep either, and he could tell you had somehow heard those thoughts. He was pathetic, to break in front of you. He had no right to manifest such darkness in front of you. But your pleading eyes left him more breathless than the shame.

“Please?”

Anything, he would do anything you asked.

-*-*-*-*

He woke alone in your bed. Lifting his head towards the door separating your bedroom from the living room, covered with a navy blue patterned cloth. He made out your voice and footsteps on the other side. He really couldn’t be blamed for being able to hear you talking on your cellphone, especially when his name was brought up.

“- totally forgot to text you and then James and I both fell asleep. I’m sorry. Don’t be mad?”

A tinny laugh reached his ears. If he strained a bit he could hear the person on the other end of the phone. Probably Darren.

“I’m not. Just glad you didn’t try to ride it out alone. I was wondering when Barnes would finally make his move.”

You sighed, glancing at the door to your bedroom and stepping away, lowering your voice just short of a whisper. “He wasn’t – there was no move.”

Your friend uttered your name, exasperated. This wasn’t the first time he teased you about being in denial of love knocking on your doorstep.

“Hon, you deserve to love and be loved.”

“It’s not that.” You hesitated.

“Then what?”

You tugged at your hair. “Just…for someone who’s had so much taken from him, and who’s given up so much. I can’t…can’t ask that of him. I can’t be another burden for him.”

Darren was not happy with you. “You’ve gotta be kidding me. First of all, that’s not what you are. Second of all, it’s his choice to want you. Just like it’s yours to want him. Don’t even try to deny it.”

“I’m not denying it,” you said firmly. “But that’s all. Just a want. I…I can’t.”

You heard your name and whipped around to find James standing in the middle of the living room. You swallowed hard, trying to keep your breaths measured.

“Darren, I’ll see you later.” You ended the call.

James felt each pulse of his blood in his veins as he tried processing what he’d heard. He knew his hearing couldn’t be mistaken. The way you looked at him, with a quiet honesty, urged hope to bloom inside his chest.

“James.” You paused, and he swore the world slowed on its axis. “I…”

“You want me?”

You felt helpless under his full attention. His eyes searched you, so vulnerable and earnest. You refused to lie to him.

“Yes.”

Despite what you said to Darren, now, oh, your single word of confirmation sounded so clear and sweet to him.

“You think you’re a burden to me?”

He had quietly closed the distance between you.

You lowered you gaze. “I’m trying not to become that to you.”

He dared to touch his finger to you chin, encouraging you to look at him.

“Let’s agree right now, that you won’t refer to yourself like that again.” His palm curved around your cheek. He wanted to touch every inch of you.

He held you through the night. Not sleeping, and not tired; just relishing in the contact of your skin on his, your warmth bleeding into his.

-*-*-*

[prettyyoungandbored]

See You Again - Charlie Dalton

Pairing: Adult!Charlie Dalton x Fem!Pregnant!Reader

NOT MY GIF

“What do you want for dinner tonight?” Charlie asked, rubbing his wife’s back.

“Everything that is terrible for me,” she replied with a tired sigh, putting one hand on her belly. “Probably a bad idea bringing me into the grocery store.”

“We’re almost done with the list,” he told her. “Besides, we’ll be here for a week. We can always come back if you need other stuff.”

They decided to spend the week at his parent’s vacation home in Vermont. Y/N had been itching to get away from the city but considering she was four months pregnant, Charlie didn’t feel like going too far.

“How about we do some roast chicken thighs tonight?” she suggested. “It’s easy enough.“

“Perfect.” He kissed her cheek.

“Ok, so for that we’ll need some chicken thighs, rosemary-.”

“Charlie?”

Charlie looked away from Y/N, his smile falling. His blood ran cold at the figure standing in front of him.

Mr. Perry.

The last he saw Neil’s father was at Neil’s funeral. That was a little over 10 years ago, yet the man hadn’t aged all that much.

In all the times Charlie’s returned to Vermont since being kicked out of Welton, he managed to avoid seeing the Perry’s. There was the scare when his mother invited them to his and Y/N’s wedding, but they never responded nor showed up.

Y/N’s shifted from Charlie and the old man, wondering if she should stay behind Charlie and protect their baby.

“Mr. Perry,” Charlie spoke up, trying to swallow the lump in the throat.

Y/N’s eyes widened in realization and she wondered if she should step in for Charlie’s sake.

Meanwhile, Charlie saw Mr. Perry’s eyes fall to Y/N’s stomach. Charlie tightened his jaw, fists clenched.

“Congratulations…son,” the old man said with a nod.

Once the old man turned away, Y/N sighed in relief. “Let’s just pay and go, ok?”

Charlie wasn’t going to argue.

==================================

Following by a silent car ride home, Y/N spoke up the moment they walked inside the vacation home.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but we’re going to,” she said.

“Honey-.”

“Non-negotiable, Charlie.”

His jaw tightened. “Fine. Alright. He has no right to show his face to me. Not after what he did. And the way he looked at your stomach…like…who am I to be a father, right? Like he…he…”

“Charlie-.”

“Neil should be here, dammit! He should be here and the fact his asshole of father is still walking around after what he did! After what he caused!”

Tears streamed violently down his face. Y/N reached out to him, but he stepped back. He turned around and walked outside, slamming the door.

Y/N exhaled softly, guilty tears filling her eyes. She just wanted to talk with him about it, but she knew she should have known better.

As she sat down on the couch, she pretended to ignore the sound of the car driving off.

==============================

Charlie closed the car door and made his way up the hill, hands buried in his jacket pocket. He walked across the cemetery, glancing at the names until he saw the one he needed to see.

And then he spotted it, his heart dropping to his stomach.

NEIL ROBERT PERRY

NOVEMBER 10, 1943 - DECEMBER 15, 1959.

He’d avoided coming here long enough. He’d sworn after the funeral he wouldn’t go here, already traumatized by the fact his best friend was in a casket.

Hot tears strolled down his face, as he lowered his head.

“I’m sorry I haven’t come out here,” he spoke up. “I would say it’s not for a lack of trying, but…”

He shook his head. “You know, I never forgave myself for not stopping your dad. I thought if maybe I intervened or actually did something, I could’ve…you know. I promised myself that next time I’d see him, I’d give him a piece of mind. Tell him what I should’ve told him at the funeral. Yet the second I see the son of a bitch in the grocery store, I choke.”

He lowered his head, a tear rolling down his cheek and hitting the headstone.

“I’m gonna be a dad, Neil,” he continued. “How can I protect my kid when I couldn’t protect you?”

The silence that fell was a reminder that Neil could not respond. He couldn’t tell Charlie what he needed to hear. He couldn’t tell him that things would be ok.

And he never would.

Charlie wiped his tears and sniffled. “I miss you, Neil.”

===================================

When Charlie returned to the house, he hung his jacket and slid off his shoes. Figuring Y/N was probably asleep, he quietly made his way up the stairs into the master bedroom.

There, he found Y/N lying awake in bed, the soft glow from the television reflecting on her.

She propped herself up when she saw him walk in. “Charlie, I’m sorry I-.”

“No, no don’t apologize,” he said, crawling into bed beside her. “I’m sorry I screamed and ran off like that.”

“Oh, sweetheart, it’s ok. You were shaken up and I-.”

“No, Y/N, it’s not ok. There’s no justification for it.” He grabbed her hand, kissing her open palm. “I’m sorry and I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Y/N went to turn off the TV when Charlie asked, “Can we keep it on a bit longer?”

“Of course.”

She snuggled into him, as he threw an arm around her shoulders.

Not a moment passed by when Y/N broke the silence and returned to the subject. “Where did you go?”

Charlie sighed, wishing to avoid it but knowing he needed to face it one way or another.

“I went to Neil’s grave,” he answered.

She straightened up her posture, mouth hung open slightly. “You actually went?”

“I didn’t really know where else to go. Plus, I figured it was time.”

He wanted to end the conversation there, but she had that look he knew all too well. It was the kind of look that begged him to keep talking about it.

“It was strange,” he continued. “The idea of talking at a headstone, knowing that’s the only way I can talk to him.”

His eyes fell to her stomach. “You know what kills me the most? The way Mr. Perry looked at me after he saw your stomach, like I had the audacity to become a father.”

“He knows you’ll be better than he was and that’s what kills him,” she said.

He glanced back up at her. “You think so?”

“The fact you’re opening up about it means you care enough not to repeat the mistakes you’ve seen others make,” she said. “I know you’ll be a better father than Mr. Perry and your dad ever was.”

His hand met her stomach. She placed a hand over his.

“I promise I’m gonna do my best,” he said.

He used his other hand to take a strand of Y/N’s hair, tucking it behind her ears. “I’m sorry I yelled and walked out on you. You never deserved that.”

“I’m sorry I pushed you to talk about it. I should’ve let you had a moment to process it.”

“You were trying to help.”

“I could’ve gone about it better though.”

“How about we leave it at we’re both sorry and we focus on enjoying each other’s company during the trip?” he suggested gently.

She smiled in agreement. “Works for me.”

[missvelvetsstuff]

The Situation Room

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: After a mission almost gone wrong, Tony brings back Bucky's former assistant, who is also Bucky's ex. Can they work together without hurting each other? Will the whole truth about their break up finally come out?

Avengers AU where Thanos never happened.

Previous chapter......

Wanda opened the door to see Bucky's anxious face, telling him "You better not fuck this up, Barnes." Before she walked out with Vision.

Radar looked up, feeling shaky and nauseous, seeing the blue eyes she had loved so much.

Bucky tried to give her a reassuring smile but in his state it looked more like a grimace. "Y/N" was all he could get out.

"James."

Chapter 6

Warnings: Swearing, angst

Radar motioned for Bucky to come in and sit but couldn't sit still herself. Once the door was closed, she leaned against the wall and he was seated they spoke at the same time.

"I need to-"

"This isn't-"

They both laughed nervously before Bucky motioned for her to go first.

Radar sighed. "Look, Bucky we don't need to do this. It's the past and enough bad memories have been dredged up since I came back. Just let it go."

Bucky shook his head "But I really need to tell you how sorry I am. I just-"

Radar shook her head "No, you really don't. It's been 2 years and we've both moved on. There's no need to get into it."

Bucky mumbled "Have we, really moved on?"

He looked at her sadly "yeah, I do. You went through a traumatic thing and I refused to even let you speak to me or explain anything. You need to know how sorry I am."

Radar gave him a strange look before she started talking "You know, when I first left I hated you. For not trusting me, for not giving me a chance to tell you what happened, for being with Sharon fucking Carter when I found you. She always had her eye on you.

After some time I realized that I would have done the same thing if someone I thought I could trust showed me pictures like that. I probably wouldn't have given you the chance to explain either, not with such damning evidence."

She sighed "I was surprised to see Sharon in Madripoor a couple of months after I got there. I figured she'd dig in here since she had what she wanted. I had hoped she would make you happy."

Bucky gave her a confused look "What do you mean, doll? There was never anything between me and Sharon. Not that she didn't try after you left but, I never touched her. After a few weeks she gave up and tried to get her hooks into Steve but Nat kicked her ass and she left right after. Fury told us she was in the wind. I never thought much about it."

She looked surprised "I figured there would have been at least a one nighter with her."

She stopped to take a long drink of her water "Well, you see? All good. No need for you to beat yourself up over it anymore. I forgave you a long time ago."

She walked towards the door "Everything's all good here now and I-"

Bucky stood and grabbed her hands and looked at her sadly "No, Y/N , no. We aren't all good. I'm not over it dammit. I never stopped loving you and even if you really had cheated I would have forgiven you. We could have found a way to work past it.

I fucked up and I know I don't deserve you, your forgiveness or another chance but please, doll." He pleaded.

"Bucky, there's been too much in between. Too much has happened since then and I'm not up for" she felt her throat close, her chest tighten and her eyes filled with tears.

She shook her head "I I can't do this, I can't talk about this. I've barely moved past it all, when I....when it happened."

Bucky rubbed her hand "What happened doll? Please. I want to be here for you."

"Wanda and Vision are the only ones who know what happened after I moved to Madripoor." Radar looked down at her hands

"I was in bad shape and climbed into a bottle for the first few weeks. She tried to call to check up on me but I never answered so she flew there with Vision."

She took another drink with shaking hands, trying to look in his eyes. "They saved my life. Found me bleeding out in the bathroom of my apartment and took me to a hospital in Singapore."

Her voice cracked and she took a drink "I was pregnant. They said it was probably the Rohypnol or whatever John gave me, made me miscarry."

She looked down and mumbled "My drinking didn't help any."

Bucky felt like he had been punched in the gut and whispered "You were pregnant? With our..."

He couldn't finish and his knees buckled, forcing him to sit. He kept hold of her hands but his eyes filled with tears.

He choked out his next words "We would have had a-"

Bucky couldn't say the word. They had been so close to everything he had ever wanted and-

His thoughts were interrupted by Friday "Sargent Barnes? I'm sorry to interrupt but Director Fury is looking for you and he's quite agitated."

Bucky swore "Fuck. Y/N doll, we are definitely not done here but Fury is going to rip me a new one for what I did to-" he drifted off mumbling "fucker deserved worse, I wish I had ki-"

Radar interrupted "Wait, what happened?"

Bucky sighed "After Walker told me what happened, I might have kicked his ass a little bit."

Radar cocked her head "A little bit? Bucky-"

"Less than he deserved. Steve said he has a broken nose, jaw, eye socket, dislocated left shoulder and broken wrist plus multiple broken ribs. Fury might be pissed but Walker crossed a line and needs to be dealt with too."

They both turned to look at the door when someone pounded on it. "Barnes?" Fury shouted.

Bucky swore softly "Fuck" before answering "Yes, sir?"

He heard Fury growl "Don't you sir me, Barnes. Get your fucking ass out here and explain yourself."

Bucky looked at Radar "We aren't done here, doll. I'll see you at dinner."

Kissed her on the cheek and quickly left her room, leaving her anxious and confused.

Wanda came back in, after seeing Bucky leave with Fury, to see Radar standing where Bucky had left her, staring off into space and mumbling. Wanda gently touched her arm, guided her to the couch and sat with her until she suddenly jumped and looked over

"Wanda? When did you get here?"

Wanda rubbed her back "Right after Bucky left. Are you ok?"

Radar sighed "I uh, I don't know." And haltingly told her what Bucky had said, before crying on her shoulder for all that could have been.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky followed Nick Fury to his office, closing the door behind him.

Nick turned on him "What the fuck were you thinking, Barnes? Beating the Hell out of one of our own. Now I know there's history and Walker isn't my favorite person either but that shit is unacceptable."

He paused for a few seconds before snapping "Well, what do you have to say for yourself?"

Before Bucky could answer there was a quick knock on the door and Steve entered with his Angel, Sophia. "I'm sorry for interrupting sir but there's additional information that you need to consider."

Fury leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, sighing "State your case, Captain."

Bucky told his part, then Steve had Sophia pull up Radars recording from the mission, where they heard the full conversation with Walker.

Furys face hardened when he heard John mention drugging Radar. "This is for real, Cap? Not something you had Stark or Friday whip up for you, to protect your buddy?"

Steve looked offended "How long have you known me, Nick? Does that really sound like something I would do?"

Nick shook his head "No but I had to ask." He looked at Bucky "You know I'll have to talk to Radar about this. If I want to push him out for drugging her, I have to talk to her."

Bucky looked at Steve "I don't," then Fury "I can't make her go through it again. I'll take the hit, do what you have to do. Just leave her out of it."

Nick Fury sighed "I'm sorry, Sargent. I can't do that. Now that this has been brought to my attention, I have to follow up. I'll go easy on her and you, or whoever she wants, can stay with her while we talk but it has to happen."

Bucky shook his head "Fuck! This stinks but maybe some good will come of it if we can get rid of Walker."

Radar was up and pacing her room, while Wanda tried to calm her, when Friday told her that Nick Fury wanted to talk to her in his office. She froze and felt her heart speed up. This was what she had wanted to avoid, going over that day repeatedly. Reliving what happened the day her entire life blew up, and John had the nerve to call it a prank.

Her jaw and fists clenched as tears filled her eyes. It felt like she would never be able to put it all behind her.

Wanda stood and took her hand "It will be alright, you can do this and I'll stay with you if you want."

Radar nodded and they walked to Furys office, holding hands with Vision trailing behind them.

When they arrived they saw Steve, Sophia and Bucky standing outside of the open door. Bucky tried to offer to stay with Radar while she spoke to Fury but she tightened her grip on Wanda and shook her head. He looked at her sadly but backed off.

Wanda led Radar into the office and closed the door while they went over the story again.

Radar worked to stay focused and not let herself fall back into the memories. When they were done she was exhausted again but before she left the room she remembered something "I saw Helen Cho that morning, that's the only reason I'm sure he didn't rape me, she did some blood tests but I left the compound before she had the results. They might have shown whatever he used to drug me."

She took a breath before asking Friday to release her medical records for that day.

Fury found the results for her blood tests and they confirmed Radar was given a drug similar to Rohypnol, a drug that SHIELD scientists had created, which meant Walker had an accomplice in the dispensary who helped him steal drugs.

He had Friday create a folder with all the evidence against John before excusing Radar and summoning John.

Radar went back to her room to decompress, Bucky brought her dinner and they sat and ate watching Schitt's Creek in silence until she fell asleep leaned up against his arm.

Bucky carried Radar to her bed and kissed her on the forehead before cleaning up their food and leaving her to rest.

He decided to stay nearby, in case she had any nightmares after reliving that day again, and slept fitfully on her couch.

@unaxv @calwitch @buckitostan @cjand10. @vicmc624 @sandrab02

Chapter 7

[naehja]

Imagine if the OOC lock stayed.

Shen Yuan has to he must find ways to help Luo Binghe, while staying In character. It's really hard.

For the manual, he lies, pretending that he wants to see LBH's manual and say "the one you have is wrong. Probably a bad joke of someone from another peak" and say "i don't want people saying that i give fake manual to my disciple when it's not my fault" literally throwing the manual in LBH's hands.

When he faces Liu Qingge in the caves, he's sure that the system will stop him from saving him, will maybe force him to kill him but no.

He let him save LQG.

[Congratulation User!!]

"wait it means that he didn't kill Liu Qingge in the canon?"

[no he tried to save him and fails]

"why he didn't tell it then?"

[he thought that nobody would believe him anyway]

He still saves LBH during the demons invasion and is surprised to not have penalty or OOC warnings.

[saving his student is the minimum for a peak lord, User :/]

He can't spoil LBH or let him live in his caban (but manage to bring him back to sleep with the other disciples)

[OOC Shen Qingqiu wouldn't sleep near of another man! Even a disciple!]

He can't accept food from LBH, except the first. But with penalty.

[OOC -100]

"ho shut up Shen Qingqiu wouldn't waste food, right?"

[…fair]

And for the other disciples.

[OOC, Ming Fan is the first disciple, Shen Qingqiu wouldn't change that to name Luo Binghe]

"And Yingying, i hope i'll not be forced to…"

[ewww User! You're the one who is disgusting! Shen jiu treated her as a daugther!]

"wait it already two accusations who are wrongs"

[It has never been showed that they were right User! The accusations were made by Luo Binghe who hated him, his followers, the old palace master and the girl from the Qiu family.]

"And now, you'll way that the accusations to have kill the Qiu family who freed him from his slave statut was wrong and that they were not nice with him?"

[….]

"They treated him badly, right? -_-"

[Would you want to unlock Shen Jiu's full backstory for 5000 points?]

"i don't have enought point system"

[you have 5010 points user]

"EXACTLY"

When the first sex scene with Binghe is about to happen.

[ALERT ALERT ALERT!! SHEN JIU WOULD RATHER DIE THAT HAVE SEX WITH A MAN]

"What?"

[ALLLEEEERRRRTTT! SHEN JIU IS DISGUSTED BY SEX. HE WOULD NOT HAVE EMOTIONALLY RECOVER FROM THAT (again) AND WOULD NEVER FORGIVE THAT NEITHER]

"WHAT?"

[HAAAAAAAAA oOo OOC OOC OOC -All the point you still have except one]

"wait…hat do you mean by again?"

[you didn't want to unlock his backstoy. Have you changed your mind?]

"i don't have enough points! è_é"

Later

[OOC warning, SQQ would never interact with a man who has forced him. He would rather try to STAB him. And would castrate him like he did with his former master Qiu from when he was a slave]

"Binghe has not forced me…"

[-_-]

[-500….except you can't lost any more point. Dammit]

[I know your a luo binghe's fanboy user but please open your eyes. This whole scene made me deeply uncomfortable! And i'm sure i'm not the only one! Shen Jiu would be TRAUMATIZED by the event!]

"HEY!"

"…."

"WAIT YOU SAID SQQ DID WHAT?"

Later

[OOC SQQ wouldn't fall in love with LBH. Wouldn't marry him and have sex with him again. He rather die! What didn't you understand in "he's disgusted and afraid by sex and is afraid of men?"]

"but i want.."

[OOC OOC OOC]

[Penatly -10000]

"i have not enough point, i'm in the negative now!"

So Shen Yuan is forced to reject Luo Binghe, pretending feeling like a father for him at best.

[OOC…]

"Ho shut up, let me find a good excuse to reject him at least"

[-_- ok i let you that]

"....Can't i return in my old world like if i wasn't dead? If i'm not authorized to do anything ooc?"

Prompt that i'll never write so feel free to take it if you feel inspired =)

[satureja13]

Sai just returned to his and Jeb's quarters after his shift - when Jeb stepped out of the bathroom... Uh...

And since the Romantium is permeating the atmosphere in the ship, attraction pulled them towards each other. Like the opposite poles of a (very strong) magnet.

And even though Sai has connection to all the internets and games in the galaxy now, he's still reading a lot of gay romance books. He tasted blood and he wants more. He really wants to finally - fully - get claimed by Jeb. And it's time to tell him. Sai, breathless from kissing Jeb breathless: "Jeb - claim me. Please. Let's finally do it."

But Jeb retreated. Keeping him an armlength away. Jeb: "Vanië. I can't hurt you. I told you. The... the others told you too." Sai: "But what does that even mean? We are never going to woohoo? They said it doesn't hurt." Jeb: "Not them. Vlad isn't that... big..." Sai: "But Kiyoshi is." Jeb: "Jack is a werewolf and the Super Soldier. He can take... eh - him. But you..."

Sai: "I will never loose my virginity then?" Jeb: "There... there is a way. If you'd top me." Sai: "What are you even saying?! No way! You are the pestle to my mortar! You are supposed to claim me! I'm not that fragile!" (More in -> this post, under the cut. And -> here)

The Romantium is really giving it's best here, but it seems its labours are lost in space with these two right now. Ever since Sai heard that Jeb does not want to hurt him, he thought that just was some romantic statement - and not some cruicial issues...

Jeb: "Vanië. It's not that I don't want to - I can't. When I wasn't able to rescue - the kids, I was devastated. So broken and ashamed that I hid under that bag for two years. And... and when I heard it was you - you and Jack *Jeb tears up* I swore I'd never let you get hurt again. When I think of - eh 'claiming you', hurting you - he just goes..." Sai was staring at Jeb. This can't be real.

Well, that definitely blew the poor AC's fuses and it coughed out a last puff of Romantium... There's only so much it can do and Jeb and Sai brought it to its utter limits.

It's physical? Psychosomatic? Jeb is so traumatized, he really can't claim Sai... isn't physically able to? Even if he wanted? And Sai can't even tell Jeb how much he hurt him with these words. It would only break him further. They always say, in space, no one hears you scream...

(I know we have other issues atm, but here you can see how huge Great A'Tuin II is.)

But...

Sai's heart is broken. All hope is gone. Jeb suggested they could do anything else then, just like before. But Sai still just stared unbelievingly at him. Then Jeb cried. And said he was sorry. So, so sorry. He even said Sai should look for someone else, someone who would make him happy. But how can he do that? He loves Jeb. There will never be anyone else than Jeb for Sai. Dammit. Even Jack got laid - JACK! And Sai will never know how it is to see the stars. Like in the books he loves to read.

'The scars of your love remind me of us They keep me thinkin' that we almost had it all The scars of your love, they leave me breathless I can't help feeling We could've had it all Rolling in the deep You had my heart inside of your hand And you played it to the beat'

Rolling in the Deep - Adele I've always loved this song but just right now I saw the MV for the first time and it's incredible! A piece of art. Totally worth a watch.

Outtakes

Poor Sai, still in shock.

And, as promised, Jack fetching ingredients for the Ambrosia from the fancy fridge in the captain's quarters ^^'

Sai didn't even wanted to ask but any distraction from his misery is welcome right now: "What are you doing here?"

Jack: "Just fetching ingredients for the Ambrosia from the fancy fridge." Sai: "..."

TMI: While we already know how tall they are, maybe you wondered about their size? We learned that Jeb has the biggest, followed by Kiyoshi, who's is not that much shorter. Then, surprisingly (or not, since he's the Super Soldier, after all ^^') Jack. Then Vlad, Saiwa and Ji Ho. But even though Ji Ho's is the shortest, they all agree he has the most beautiful of them all. Followed by Sai's :3

🍆

From the Beginning 🔱 Underwater Love 🔱 Latest

Current Chapter: starts ▶️ here Last Chapter: 'Here comes the Sun' from the beginning ▶️ here

📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 23-29

[isalisewrites]

Summer after the traumatic end of the Triwizard Tournament, instead of Harry Potter getting visions of the latest evil plot from the Dark Lord, it is Voldemort who gets visions of The-Boy-Who-Lived’s childhood.

And they’re not pleasant.

---

When Newt accepted to become one of Harry Potter's secret guard as a favor to Albus Dumbledore, he hadn't anticipated being faced with a choice concerning the welfare and safety of a child: obey Albus Dumbledore's orders or stay at Voldemort's side to protect Harry.

Though difficult, the right choice was clear.

------

FIVE EXCERPT:

How fucked up was it that Harry felt safer with Voldemort than he did with the Dursleys? Had he gone mad? This had to be madness.

And yet…

Voldemort didn’t like how he was being treated. It was so bad, according to Voldemort, that even he was concerned about Harry, enough to stop trying to kill him, enough to leave Harry healing potions. He’d had plenty of tries to kill him, but Harry was still alive—hell, he was doing better because of the man.

Harry curled in on himself, wrapping his arms around his chest in a hug and wishing it were real. He searched through the park to look for any sign of Voldemort. He stepped nearby, making noise, and had left the jar, so he had to still be here, somewhere.

He almost wished Voldemort would stop hiding. What if he sat on the swing next to Harry? What would he ask him? Would he prod about Harry’s home life more or would he talk about something else?

Why do I even want to talk to him?

“I’m outside of the wards,” said Harry in a low voice, hoping the man could hear him. “You could kidnap, kill me, torture me, but you’re giving me bruisewort balm instead. I don’t get you.”

Doesn’t make any sense.

“What’s so bad about my life?” whispered Harry. “It could be worse, yeah? I only have to stay here for a few months out of the year. The rest, I get to live at Hogwarts. It’s not so bad.”

A lie, but it was better to lie to himself than face reality.

There was no sign of life. Maybe Voldemort wasn’t around. Maybe Voldemort had gone home, wherever that was. Maybe he was just talking to himself. The sun was setting finally, which meant the time to face the music was getting closer and closer. He’d better get home before it got dark or there would be more hell to pay.

“I don’t want to go back,” whispered Harry.

Never again.

But there was nowhere to go.

A hand settled on his shoulder, warm and weighted. Harry froze, the hair rising on the back of his neck. The hand didn’t move. No words were spoken. Tears welled up in his eyes again, but he didn’t let them fall. Harry slowly turned his head towards the side, but he saw no hand there. Instead of panic and fear rushing through his veins, a calm spread throughout his body. Harry let out a low sigh.

The hand on his shoulder squeezed and disappeared.

Wait. Harry wanted it back—come back.

What the hell is wrong with me? This is Voldemort!

Dammit. This was too much—too much to process. Harry already lived on the edge of his sanity and control while living at the Dursleys. Anything could set them off. He had to constantly be careful about what he did and said around them. Even when he was obedient and submissive, he was still getting into trouble. 

He was tired—just tired.

Harry didn’t have the energy to wonder about Voldemort anymore.

Harry slowly stood up from the swing. “Guess I gotta get back,” he whispered. “Thanks again for the bruisewort balm.” 

He shoved his hands into his pockets and started the trek back to Number Four. He’d catch it worse if he were home after Dudley. He kicked a rock down the sidewalk, his thoughts in an uncontrollable whirl. He heard no other footsteps in the street, but he couldn’t help but wonder if Voldemort was following him.

Watching him.

Watching over him.

It helped, just a bit.

[crazyk-imagine]

Persuasion at it’s... Finest?

Pairing: Tom “Iceman” Kazansky x Pilot!reader  Characters: Pilot!reader, Tom “Iceman” Kazansky, Nick “Goose” Bradshaw, Bradley Bradshaw

Briefly mentioned: Carole Bradshaw, Pete “Maverick” Mitchell Warnings: Nick being traumatized, friends with benefits situation, Bradley doing all that he can to fight the monsters in his room, did I imagine Nick calling reader at 2am... yes, Tom doesn’t care if Nick knows, not gonna lie... Toms told Ron about the reader, and he approves (not just cause, it pisses mother Goose and Mav off), Carole is a trooper for enduring this chaotic mess, P.S. Carole loves the reader Word Count: 619

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You grunt at the sound of your ring tone. ‘Maybe it’s a dream.’ Your phone is tossed beside you. 

“Phone.” 

You roll your eyes even though they’re still closed and blindly reach for the phone, not prepared for the brightness of the phone even as you thought about it to mentally prepare yourself. 

You close your eyes, setting your phone on the mattress. “Let’s try this again,” you mumble, slowly opening your eyes to peek at the, still, bright screen. 

“What the hell?!” You answer the call, wondering why the hell your damn cousin is calling you now when he knows you’re gonna met up with him and Pete later today after your done with work. 

“Why are you disturbing my slumber, asswipe?” 

He ignores your crankiness and gets right into what he called you for. “Do you know how to make anti-monster spray? Brad doesn’t believe I know how to make it?” 

“You’ve got to be f-” 

“Speaker.” 

You know he’s pulled away from the phone to tell the young boy to say hi, which he does and dammit- it warms your heart. “Hi, Bradley. Why don’t you think your dad knows how to make the monster spray?” 

“He didn’t do it like you.” 

“That’s because he’s trying to distract you with jokes, so you forget what he’s making. It’s a- a clever way to throw the monsters off his trail.” 

“Really?” He asks, like he doesn’t believe you. 

“Yep. Now, that you know how your dad can make the special spray and let him work his magic, can I hangup and you two cleanse the whole house?” 

“But I,” he yawns. “Like talking to you.” 

You smile, knowing how hard he’s fighting to stay awake. “I know, Brad but you gotta let Nick do his thing so you can get all the sleep you need in order to help your mom out with some things.” 

“Okay. We’ll see you soon, right?” 

“Of course. I’ll try to make it over earlier than I said so I can scare your dad.” 

“I heard that.” 

“Good.” You can hear rusting, slowly figuring out that Nick is getting the phone away from Bradley. 

“Hey,” he whispers. “Sorry about that. I know you were sleeping but-” 

“He has your genes.” 

He chuckles, “exactly.” 

“If I don’t make it on time, I’m blaming you and we all know how much Viper likes me. Some might say I’m his favorite.” 

“No one says that.” 

“That’s because they know to keep their mouths shut.” 

“See they do talk about how you’re his favorite, then I don’t believe you.” 

“You’re annoying.” 

“Oh! I’m annoying.” 

“Yeah,” you say, without missing a beat. 

“You’re one to talk.” 

His hand brushes against your low back as he reaches for you. “Are you done yet?” He wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. 

“Who is that?” Nick asks after Carole takes Bradley so he can be put to bed (making sure to take the spray with her). “Is that- was that ICEMAN!? What is he doing in your-” 

You hang up on him and quickly turn your phone off soon after. 

“He’s not gonna stop calling,” Tom points out, mumbling into your pillow.

“I know but I can hold him off for right now.” 

“As long as we get to sleep longer, I’m fine with that.” He burrows his head deeper into the pillow. 

You shake your head. “You’re getting up when I do, buddy.” 

“No.” 

“Yes, you are. We both have to be there early.” 

“Anyway, I can persuade you into a different activity, other than sleeping?” 

“Nice try.” You pat his cheek and lay back down, pulling your sheets and comforter over your shoulder.  

[atopvisenyashill]

@backjustforberena

EXACTLY. He’s the only one who names his daughter after a conquerer (Rhaenyra attempts it with Visenya, but she’s the only one!) and he only has ONE child his whole life, even though there’s nothing to suggest Jocelyn couldn’t have more kids. That doesn’t seem, at least to me, like a man who is content with his claim passing to his younger brother and nephews, but a man who attempted to take steps to ensure his daughter’s claim would not be questioned. Genuinely, it seems like he did what most of the fandom was screaming at Viserys to do which is refuse to have kids that would challenge Rhaenys’ claim and purposefully foster unity between Rhaenys and any boy who might steal her claim (as in, he raises Rhaenys alongside Baelon’s kids and his younger siblings in KL for some time).

I wonder what his thought process throughout all of this though. Why he decided on Rhaenys - was Jocelyn’s pregnancy very difficult or was she maybe traumatized from stories of her own mother’s death and he agreed not to put her through another pregnancy, after watching Alysanne get forced through several life threatening pregnancies? (bc Gael is not only born before Aemon dies, she was likely raised right next to Rhaenys, Daemon, and Viserys). Does he figure he’ll let Jaehaerys say what he wants but once he’s king, he’s making Rhaenys princess of dragonstone? Does he even suspect Jaehaerys is planning to usurp Rhaenys before he’s killed, because he definitely should have! Rhaenys getting married to Corlys with Jaehaerys’ blessing is sooooo sus because he uses that as part of the reasoning to keep her from the throne, but Aemon is alive when they marry!!!

There’s just too many questions it drives me crazy!!!! Aemon you are THIRTY SEVEN. you went EIGHTEEN YEARS and had ONE CHILD and it was a GIRL and didn’t ONCE look at your dad and go “if you give this shit to viserys over rhaenys is2g i’m possessing caraxes and lighting this place UP old man” OR “haha i also think women are weak and feeble minded, you should make sure baelon & viserys gets the crown over rhaenys bc i’m not having any more kids” like GYLDAYN WHY DO YOU ONLY GIVE ME INFORMATION ON THINGS I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT. GIVE ME THE PRIVATE LETTERS BETWEEN CROWN PRINCE AEMON AND HIS WIFE JOCELYN BARATHEON DAMMIT.

[tildeathiwillwrite]

genuine qustion, bc i dont understand whump, why do you like it? whats the appeal? am i missing something?

I'm going to assume from the wording of this question that you already have an idea of what whump is, and you're asking why someone would want to read/write it, but if not here is a good post summarizing the genre.

This post is divided into two parts below the cut: the appeal of whump for me, and an explanation of why I like whump.

For me, personally, the appeal of whump comes from putting a character (whether that be an someone else's character, my original character, or a nameless whumpee) in Situations (with or without a whumper), and then having the difficult recovery or healing process (usually with a caretaker). Sometimes I deviate from this pattern, such as omitting the recovery, but that is usually my main focus.

A bit more emphasis on the comfort in hurt/comfort, but there's also hurt in the comfort.

My main love of whump stems from the tropes I enjoy:

Used as bait (where a whumpee is captured with the intent on using them to lure the caretaker into trying to rescue them in order to capture the caretaker too). I like this one because of the suspense of knowing it's a trap, and wondering if the caretaker will manage to rescue the whumpee, or get captured themselves.

Magic whump (whump but in the fantasy genre). This one gives more possibilities or twists on usual whump tropes by adding magic into the mix. Combined with my love for fantasy writing.

Captivity whump (a whumpee captured by a whumper, usually including various forms of torture). This trope is very versatile. Why were they captured? What does the whumper gain by torturing them? So many possibilities. Not to mention the rescue afterwards!

Sickfic (whumpee is sick, usually with a caretaker). Someone else mentioned this before, I don't remember who otherwise I would've linked them, but illness is something rarely seen in existing media. When a piece of media has whump, it's usually torture or a fight scene, but I've only ever seen sickness a handful of times. I like the idea of a character having all these cool abilities but still getting the common cold, especially when they have someone else to take care of them. Also it's easier to write from experience for this then, say, getting stabbed.

PTSD whump (when a character has trauma). This is more of a recovery trope. I hate it when a piece of media has a character go through an incredibly traumatizing event and then as soon as they're out, they're perfectly fine mentally. Let the character have ptsd, dammit! I don't really write this often, but when I do I love writing the nightmares in particular.

Immortal whump (with a character who, for whatever reason, cannot die). I love this one because it opens up even more possibilities for whumping. It usually depends on how the character's immortality works, but they can take a lot more damage than any other whumpee.

Realism in whump (realistic injuries, illness, and recovery). Really just a preference, as I'm studying in the medical field and already know a lot about how the human body works, so I use that knowledge and apply it to my writing. For example, fainting as portrayed in hollywood movies is a lot different from how fainting actually is. Involves a fair amount of research, but I personally think it's worth it.

(side note: I haven't really found any tropes which I strongly dislike, but out of personal preference I avoid smut and nsfw whump such as rape)

As to why I like whump? This was a tough question to answer, to properly articulate. It's fiction. And writing give me freedom to do pretty much anything to the characters and through the characters. I suppose whump is another way to exercise that creativity. "I know how the character reacts to this Situation, but what about this other Situation?"

I know some other writers use whump writing to work through their trauma, as catharsis. Props to them, but I don't write whump for that reason. I always liked putting my characters in Situations, and then a couple years ago discovered what whump was, went "that's a thing?!" and basically dove in head first.

The Tumblr whump community itself has also been very sweet and welcoming, I draw a lot of inspiration from the other writers, especially when I'm trying to figure out what to write next. I doubt I would still be writing whump if the community wasn't as welcoming, and I'm very glad it's not the case. If you go back in my archive, the first writing I started posting was whump. Nameless whump turned into oc whump, which turned into posting about my WIPs. So if the whump community gatekept me out, I probably wouldn't be posting any writing at all (and that's very sad to think about).

I hope this post was helpful to you! I can't speak for other members of the whump community, these opinions and motives are my own. If you have any more questions feel free to ask.

[uninformedartist]

CW: proshipper and sa mentions

Oh hell no 💀 you the are the last person to speak about any of this. This "let people like what they like", or "block if you can't hand someone's content" 💀💀 CW ahead

THIS IS LITERALLY YOUR ART AND WHAT YOU CONDONE wtf, you got no space to talk and the fact that so many fans and people agree with the post about is sickening.

This ain't 'drama' or so called 'spicy content' this is fetishising r*ape and a myriad of other deplorable acts, this sugar coating is sick. This aint "spice" This is r*pe a traumatic event that dammit people so close to me went through and here you just call it "spicy content" fuck you.

Sorry for being heated but I cannot. This isn't just a fandom drama, this person is a spindlehorse employee and Viv can't pull "oh she's didn't know they were one" when he is very explicit he is into P-Shipping material.

This person has been called out time and time again and I so badly want to stop talking about Viv, her properties and the people she hires/interacts with but I cannot until justice is served, people are held accountable and people finally see the truth about her and the people she engages with. This cannot be "oh then just stop watching/supporting" like so many fans say, thats how these disgusting acts such as above get accepted. And if someone pulls I'm homophobic shut up, I'm queer myself and just because another person is aswell doesn't mean I'm going to agree with the deplorable stuff they stand for such as fetishising literally r*ape.

Gonna be my last post for a while on Viv and such, I'm writing exams and am a bit tired and frustrated with all going on.

[lakesbian]

okay so 2.8. overall thoughts on rachel's introduction.

rachel not wanting a fifth person to join the team is ostensibly about the money she would lose from it, but it's more importantly about the fact that, as a disabled girl deeply unwanted by society, she has absolutely no trust in people. she can tolerate brian, lisa, and alec for the sake of the security and stability, but she doesn't trust them beyond the bare minimum. a strange person being brought into her house is deeply scary. she's used to every single new person she meets being a threat, someone with motives she can't read expecting her to operate based on arbitrary rules she can't understand. and because she has been taught that the only way to keep herself safe is to hurt people before they can hurt her (everyone will always want to hurt her), her immediate reaction to taylor Being There is to sic her dogs on taylor with hopes of scaring her off & securing her environment again. rachel autism lindt <3

brian is the second person we see breaking out the not-so-repressed violence and anger in this scene. he clocks rachel in the face, he says

“I fucking hate it,” Brian growled at the girl, putting emphasis on the swear, “When you make me do that.”

and he does some yelling about God Fucking Dammit. i think the crux of brian is that he consciously fervently does not want to be like his abusive stepfather, but the only alternative he's been taught was by his father...who is, unbeknownst to brian, also abusive. he's been taught that masculinity = good + mandatory and strength = masculine. his vision for himself as a Good Man who Takes The Lead and Cares For People involves stifling his 'weak' emotions and running himself ragged. he's not even very good at repressing himself compared to the other undersiders, so he's prone to outbursts like this sometimes--where, regardless of whether or not the violence he's engaging in is rationally justifiable, it's immensely charged w/ undertones of reminding him of exactly who he wants to avoid being.

it is Fully Understandable why, as a 17yo w/ zero training in conflict deescalation, the only way he can think to solve the matter of rachel violently siccing her dogs on someone is socking her. but "i fucking hate it when you make me do that" is still eerily reminiscent of some things his abusive stepfather has likely said to him before. he doesn't Want to be like that, but he doesn't know how to let himself be anything other than that.

(this situation w/ rachel and taylor sucks for him, ftr. he was so genuinely elated that he'd Acted Normal Enough to snap up this cool addition to the team, a girl with a good power who actively thinks along the exact same rational lines as him. which is important, because he needs the undersiders to succeed so that he can care for aisha like he feels he needs to. and then rachel busts in ruins what he's viewing as this great success by attacking taylor to drive her off. brian laborns bad day. rachel lindts bad day. tayor heberts bad day. lisa wilbourns deeply stressful day. alec vasils depression slump day.)

AND we get to watch taylor be violent and angry as well. that one is very simple there's not much to say about it. she's full of violent repressed anger (it's why she imagines beating the shit out of emma & co when she's being bullied in the halls prior to meeting the undersiders again), she usually holds it back because she recognizes that it would just cause the system to fuck her over more in the long-run, and here she realizes that there's no consequence of fighting back and proceeds to whale on rachel.

(i think that the reason she's primarily violent with her own human body here instead of w/ the bugs is because her usage of the bugs is frequently a form of dissociation--and here, rather than having to dissociate her way thru a violent situation, she's finally allowed to confront it head on and fight back w/ hands and feet As Herself. sucks and traumatizing to be attacked by dogs, but cathartic to be able to fight back.)

meanwhile: lisa is presumably vividly imagining slamming her own head into a brick wall and alec (badly depressed, seen far worse) doesnt even care with all the shit he's got going on

[hanamgi]

Autoshop

┈➤ Summary:  He was the sun in your universe, you just wished you were a fraction of that for his.

◦ Strangers/friends to….

◦ 17k+ words 

◦ Rating: 18+

◦ Pairing: mehcanicJKxFemReader

➤ Warnings: ┃ Swearing, DomJK, face sitting/riding, lustful makeout, they have sex in the shop, seggs on the car lol, teasing, dirty talk, grinding, he spits on it, sloppy eating out, ┃Mutual pining, Jungkook is an assho*le lowkey, reader is very much naive, frustration between the two, emotionally constipated Koo, implied traumatic past relationships, Jimin is the best friend JK needs, Hoseok also a good friend, idk I wrote this during a time I was frustrated with someone, and in essence this kinda bout how she did me dirty but obviously this is 100 more dramticized for the audience hehe

HELLO: I really wanted to release it's his first time MONTHS back but literally uni has hit me like a truck I can't seem to escape exam szn at all (pls help) but the hype is dying down im in my final semster of first year (more exams yay) but ill get to have a long break after. That being said I hope you enjoy this, it was in my draft for almost 11 months now, so lmk what you think don't be shy and please like, share, reblog <3

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

Finally it was time.

You were beyond ecstatic to go and visit the shop again, the oil in your car finally signalling that it needed a refill, so why not bring it to your favourite mechanic? It was last summer that your car had broken down on the highway, needing a whole new engine and it ended up getting towed into a mechanic shop just off the 406. You were tired, exhausted, just trying to get back to your apartment from spending the weekend at your parent's house.

Your parents missed you but you missed the little growly cat you had at home, -Mr. Snuggles fur- (the most fluffiest, cutest, grumpy, old, ginger cat you had waiting to welcome you home) if it wasn’t for him you probably would have ended up jumping off the bridge near the highway from embarrassment. The tow trucker guy had managed to crack in a few not subtle jabs on the old thing, but seriously it isn’t your fault that you can’t afford a 2020 mercedes benz Sue you! besides you knew jack shit about cars, it wasn't your problem. But that wasn’t even the good part, the mechanic fixing it was a very attractive, very handsome man. Pretty privilege really does exist because you let the shit he said slide, to focus on his handsome figure.

Frankly, you had bigger problems to deal with, like; your job: when the sketches for the new Facebook advertisement were due, what colours would be more appealing to people, how the advertisement should be perceived as funny rather then serious, the difference between maroon and burgundy-god you really had bigger problems. You really hadn’t thought about your engine at all, you just filled your car with gas and drove it to where you needed to throughout the years. When you look back to when you bought it, you grimace,  the whole process was really sketchy. DAMMIT!! You should have taken your dad or hired someone to help you find a suitable low-maintenance car. Yet here you were again, it’s been six months since the first night you got your car towed here and kept coming back whenever there was a slight squeak to it. Some may think you're very passionate and caring for your car, maybe well off since you keep coming in to get unnecessary shit fixed. But that's not the case at all, the secret was…..you were totally, (and delusionally) utterly, in love with the mechanic you’ve seemed to befriend over the months coming here. 

Currently sitting on the stool he pulled out for you, you watch him tweak the engine's air pump while you sigh dreamily. 

He wore denim overalls and a wife-beater underneath, the top of it tied around his tiny waist. You could see the beautiful glaze of his honey muscles, –sinewy lean, and big—skin that glimmered from his sweat. Your imagination grows fast when he squats and the muscles of his thighs bulge slightly, god you were drooling. He was so handsome, tall, muscular, and- “..... Hello?” he called for your attention, the fourth time now..apparently and you blink embarrassed. Slightly jumping at his soft voice, sitting upright, you rise from the stool. “Oh- s- sorry I didn’t hear you” you blushed lightly, feeling your face heat up. 

“Seemed like you were out there” he refers to you dozing off, you chuckle lightly. 

“Something like that” you mumbled, pushing some strands of hair behind your back. He turns to you with a charming smile, a wrench in his veiny grip and you gulp. Your gaze slowly lingers from his tight grip to his face, soft lips pulled upwards into a cute pout, such sweet eyes forming crescents from the effects of his smile, your favourite type of smile. You’ve always wondered how it would feel to poke the little moles underneath his chin, or on top of his lip, maybe stick a finger into his cute dimple. Your fantasies run faster and faster and you almost miss what he says again. 

“I changed the oil and fixed the squeaking, it’s probably gonna happen again and I don't want you to keep coming down here to pay ridiculous money to get it fixed so let me show you,” he waved you over. You frowned,- did he not want to see you anymore?

“Aren’t you supposed to advertise your business and not push away the customers?” You lightheartedly joke while he snorts.

Walking over you stop right in front of him, he was a mere 5 inches taller than you and the smell of oil and cologne wafted up your nose. It was a weird combination but it smelled so good, a little rusty but it was divinely masculine, the type of scent you would want to bury your face into, and sleep and bask in all night. The kind of scent that gives enough comfort and warmth. The scent is laced with maybe Dior perfume, metal rust, and the leftover remnants of cigarettes buds– that he smokes on his breaks.

“Okay see right here this little tube wrapped in the tin?” he asked, gesturing to the engine, you nodded. “You're going to take a wrench and twist it clockwise,” he demonstrates.

“I don't own a wrench,” you deadpan and Jungkook chuckles, he’s very amused to say the least, light airy laughter leaving his lips.

“You can have this one, I have plenty” he smiles cheekily and you almost groan. It was like he was trying to get rid of you, you swear. 

“And then you're done, if it doesn't budge, grease it with the oil you bought last week,” he says and you nod, wanting to stay near his body warmth. He looks down at your pouty lips and places a hand underneath your chin.

“ ‘.....’ this is going to save you money trust me” he reassures–it wasn’t a way of shooing you out he assures. Jungkook was just concerned with your superfluous way of spending your money. He lifts your head up and your heart races a million times faster, breath hitching inside your throat. 

“I know but you would do it for free if I came in, right?” you ask and he giggles, you swore your heart stopped at the airy- supple sound, it was adorable. 

“Yeah, but what if you come in and I'm not here? Then what….. plus coming all this way is a lot,” he reasons and you sigh nodding your head. He was right, it was a lot of time, a lot of money to spend too. Your ulterior motives were not really a subtle secret anymore either, you're sure he is aware of your crush on him. You did spend so much gas money coming here and then money for getting random shit that didn't need fixing to be repaired.

“C’mon don't sulk,” he taps your nose and you finally crack a smile. You loved it when he played with you, cradled your face for any injuries he suspects whenever you come in with a busted mirror or a dented corner of the car. His light touches on your elbow guiding you, or the hovering arm over your lower back that does not creep down in a way to respect you. You want to see him more though, see him watch you, or how your gaze shows twinkles and stars when looking at him, and you know you are not subtle, he even teases you about it from time to time. You want to feel his skin under your palms, on you, under him over him–you're getting carried away.

“Okay but you should come get some lunch with me, if you aren't busy of course, maybe during your break or when your shift is done, or another day if you really busy I don't mind honestly-” you stop rambling to check his reaction, he has a stupid bunny grin on his face, eyes on yours while you heat up from embarrassment. 

You weren't asking him out, you were only asking him to lunch. The last thing you wanted was to make him uncomfortable, you knew he was not interested in you with the way he approaches you’re mild confessions, or how he ignores the obvious yearning and longing in your gaze. You know he ignored the little twinkles and fairy dust shooting out of your orbs to him because you are so sure that the energy from the power of falling for this man has created this fiery light in your eyes– you can see it yourself. You can feel the weird tension, or maybe it’s just you or he just ignores it really well. Hopefully.

“I finish my shift in an hour, I have a few cars to wrap up and send off…..” He trails off, eyes shifting down to yours. 

He watches the way your face falls, and your body sulk into a frown–he doesn’t want to disappoint you after all, you were so fragile he was afraid of hurting you. “Do you wanna help me and we can go out after?” he asks with a smirk and you feel your heart tug at some strings, the light coming back into your face. You nod eagerly and he mumbles a ‘great’ under his breath.

—

An hour later after helping Jungkook with the cars, (mainly passing him tools and getting him water, when he needed it) you both sit in a little diner near your apartment. It was an 80’s themed diner that had chequered floors and race car seats, funky colours and lighting. Jeon fit right in with his mechanic outfit, but you on the other hand had basic light-washed flare jeans and a basic tube top. You both ordered and talked randomly with one another, it wasn’t your first time going out for a friendly lunch with him, at least that’s what he thought. You both were on a friendly lunch date until one of the waitresses mistakes you both for a couple and Jeon was quick to correct her. You sigh mentally, wishing you could just tell him how you feel, yet another part of you thinks that he knows and that he’s just been ignoring your shameless flirtation. You would never be able to recover from the humiliation of him rejecting you, nor would your heart be able to take the defeat so you settle with being friends, for now—

You behave yourself and eat the food you both ordered in peace, you’d never allow yourself to cross that line; because real life isn’t like the books you read, the images and dreams you have, and people aren't what you make them out to be. You knew this. 

You always looked at the people in your life as the potential they can be, and not for who they truly are. You’ve learned the hard way when you’ve been met with disappointment and a broken heart one too many times. But you couldn't help it, you couldn't help but see people for what they could be, and that in itself shows just how vulnerable you are. You were susceptible when it came to someone else’s feelings and always tried to be as thoughtful and empathic to how someone feels and why they are the way they are, thus making excuses as to their actions.

But then again, you did set up that unrealistic expectation of him long before you had even had a conversation with him. The inner hopeless romantic in you who thinks of life as the galaxy, people as balls of sunshine, and earth as a huge ball of fluff with people who have the potential to be the sun, and the stars. 

The man right in front of you….

Man

Slopingly eating away at his burger, he was the sun in your solar system. You’d like to think he has his own planet, beautiful and soft like him. Maybe on his planet lived cats like Mr. Snuggle Fur and had tulip fields every couple miles you’d walk down it. Water as clear as glass, blueish-green colour, and maybe people as cute and kind-hearted as Jungkook, that resided on that planet. Even though the way he usually dressed was the entire opposite of how he was, you hoped that at least the way you imagined him was just as beautiful as his plant

“Are you gonna finish that?” Jeon asks, pointing to the half-eaten burger you were gonna end up taking home, but with one look at his big doe-eyes you end up pushing the plate towards him. His face instantly brightens, taking a bite out of the burger with a grin on his face.

 He was your favourite planet you’ve decided.

“Thanks,” he smiles, mouth stuffed full of food, you giggle dismissing him with a hand wave. You get the waiter to bring back the check and you see Jungkook’s eyes widen when you pass the card over.

“What are you doing?” his voice is surprised, loud. You grin at him.

“You’ll get the next one,” you simply reply, paying and packing the leftovers. Jeon scoffs, giving you a pout. “I don’t mind paying when it comes to you, as you’ve noticed” you tease and he gives you a playful glare.

A stare that tells you not to go there, and your heart squeezing tightly in your ribcage.

“Let’s get you home, it’s getting late” He walks out, and you trail behind him with a soft smile. Your hearts hurting already.

—

Now back home you decide on a quick shower and to sleep in a t-shirt 4 sizes too big, courtesy of the cheap Walmart men's section. You sigh on your bed, scrolling through the contacts on your phone until you decide to stalk Jeon on Instagram. It was something that you did often, something that was a part of your nightly routine actually- before you would go to bed you would stalk his Instagram account. It was aesthetically pleasing, pictures of him on his motorcycle, or in his garage fixing cars. It was mainly black or white themed–that bad boy dark aesthetic. Occasional pictures of his Doberman running through the grass, and him kissing his mom on the cheek in what looks like a Christmas dinner, with the table set, and a tree in the background.

You smile, the warmth of bubbles brew up in the pit of your stomach, and butterflies erupt inside you tugging on the veins that pump the blood into your heart and down your body. You had such hopeless feelings, ever since he fixed your car at the mechanic shop that night back from your parent's house- you’ve always come back to him. That night he had given you food and his large grey denim jacket to keep you warm while he fixed the boot crack of an engine that you had. You felt oddly warm and safe, even though he was a complete stranger at the time. He joked and talked to you, even drove you home that night in his car because he needed to order some parts for your engine. 

Not to mention he was also completely and utterly hot, so handsome to the point that you think you would die from staring at him for too long, and oh god- oh god his smile was the most divine, heartwarming, pussy clenching, adorable thing in the world. Little bunny teeth, plump bottom lip, faint red-tinted lips stretched into an up-pull direction. God, you were down bad.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

You were back at the auto shop, much to Jungkook’s and your bank account's dismay. Only because he didn’t like you spending money on unnecessary fixes, he knows how anxious you get when your car so much as makes a squeak— scared of getting into an accident with the old junk. Jeon was always expecting you to come by the shop at least once a week, this time complaining about how the wrench he let you borrow wasn’t turning the tinned-covered canister in the engine. Helping you replace it again, he sends you off—curtly nodding his head while you wave, your wide eyes, starry.

They were two brown orbs that he has grown accustomed to, grown used to watching his every move and sometimes let it slip down his body on a hot summer day when he has his frame out of his tank top, or his legs free from the confinements of his overalls. He likes teasing you most times when he invites you to sit on a stool and talk to him while he fixes parts–manoeuvres around the car to assemble, and dismantle. Sometimes he curls his biceps slightly in front of you, tightly wrapping his hand around a wrench that did not need that much force whatsoever. You got flustered easily and he loved to see you pat down the warmth of your hue-tinted cheeks, or hum along to the song all of a sudden—all an act to calm down your beating heart he thinks.

He knows your act of coming here to the shop is to secretly ogle at him, you shamelessly letting out the crush you have on him in other forms—which is pretty obvious anyways—but Jungkook doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t want to embarrass you. Plus he loves your company, and your rambling about your co-workers, the food you bring in, and Mr snuggle Paws or whatever the name of your cat was—he appreciated it all. He valued the friendship you both have seemed to build throughout the months. You were a very wise, smart, beautiful woman—and he’d be damned to think he’s never seen you in that light. You were sexy, yes. But he’s never let his imagination broaden outside the area of this auto shop, the barricades on his heart work extra hard to block out the cute sounds of your giggles, or the way your hand comes up to part your soft curls behind your ear— and the way you ramble about random things in hopes to entertain Jungkook while he works— he found all of these things about you endearing and adorable. This is part of the reason why Jungkook had not tried to initiate a move, a hangout, or anything more than the friendly and respectful hug he parts you with whenever you leave the shop, or whatever restaurant you both choose to eat at once in a while. 

You were dangerous for his heart, he can feel the barbed wires he put on them years ago-loosen from time to time and it only happens in your presence, and the only time he felt the flutters in his stomach and the pulse in his heart quicken was with his ex. The one who has humiliated him broke him and made him barb up his heart to be a clueless fucker who has no hope, no expectation, no interest in love anymore. He didn’t believe that loving someone was enough for anyone, just love is never enough. No one in his eyes had the potential to be worthy of him, but there’s you. You who he thinks may have the potential, maybe. He doesn’t know, he doesn’t want to discover it. He doesn’t want to expect anything from you because he thinks you’ll disappoint him, he thinks that there’s no point if it’s all going to end in the grand scheme of all things. 

Jungkook only fucks, that’s what allows him to satisfy himself and protect his heart, it works for him. Clearly, you are not looking for that, you’re not looking for a quick fuck and he’d rather keep you as a friend than lose you, it is comfortable the way things are now. He knew eventually that you would crack and tell him your feelings, but he only hoped it wasn’t going to be anytime soon. Plus, you deserve better, you deserve better than Jungkook who is 1) a pessimist; he sees the negatives of life, and his thinking is cynical, very opposite from yours. You’re a better person than Jungkook, you see the good in people and think that anyone “bad” can change, and can be “fixed”. But Jungkook didn't want to change, nor did he want to be fixed. Jungkook wanted to be Jungkook…unguarded and free. He didn’t like all that vulnerability shit, he didn't want any of that soft stuff, and he did not want that level of emotional intimacy with anyone ever again. No, he didn’t want that, no one nor you or anyone else can change his mind. 

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

“Oh,” you're dejected, nodding your head at Jimin, Jungkook’s coworker. He told you that Jungkook wasn’t working for the rest of the week, and you now regret not texting him first rather than showing up unannounced and as much as you claim that any amount of money that you spend on Jungkook is worth coming to see him for, you should’ve thought rationally—the gas money it took you to get here from the office was at least worth a brand new pair of work pants from Zara. Smiling softly at Jimin, you bid him a farewell, walking out feeling your embarrassment from your heated skin, almost tripping on your feet on the way out with your head hung low from disappointment. 

“…” You hear your name, the gentle voice had a slight rasp to it this time and slowly your heartbeat quickens as your eyes look up from his combat boots to his face. He was fitted in black cargo pants and a black tee, the black ink also standing out with a new print behind his elbow. You don’t comment on it yet though, your eyes swell up from smiling real hard and at him. The bag you had in your hand came into view and you saw his eyes flick down to the greasy takeout boxes from his favourite restaurant. 

“Jeon, Hi!” you chirp a little loudly, after a beat of silence he breaks into a smile. But his eyes widened again, a little look of guilt, or was it confusion you didn’t know but you broke the awkward silence by holding up the bag again. 

“I thought you were working today and brought some food, I-i’m sorry I probably should have texted you first, but I didn’t want to-” you stop, huffing at your own ramble and Jungkook’s eyes seem to puff up, his grin widening from ear to ear and that seems to calm you down, it brought some sort of comfort to your erratic heartbeat. Oh god, it was beating so hard you just wished he didn’t see it beating out from your chest. Because for one he looks extremely beautiful outside of his work outfit, and two his smile just seems to always brighten up your days. After all, he was a whole beautiful galaxy in your eyes.

“Ahh I wish you texted me I-” he stuttered, walking past you to reach the little cupboards in front of the office you just bided Jimin goodbye from. His voice was a little rushed as he grabbed his forgotten wallet from his desk and stood back in front of you. 

“I- I’m going out right now and” 

“Jungkookie” a voice interrupts him and you can see the look of horror in his eyes flashing with shame and terror. You give him a confused look, you didn’t know why you read that frenzy expression on his face, and why it was there.  Until a girl appears through the doors of the garage and you see him shut his eyes when she grabs onto his bicep, looking over at you. 

“Did you find your wallet?” she asks and you blink up, your heart clenching at the tight grip she has on his arm. You don’t let it show though, you knew that deep down Jungkook had girls lining up for him, he was just that kind of guy. You twist the bag back behind your frame and Jungkook’s eyes flick from your hands to your eyes, he’s watching you carefully as if he was concerned about you.

“Yeah, yeah I did,” he says, clearing his throat awkwardly. The woman was beautiful, she had long blonde hair, clad in a cute red sundress that showed off her well-built long legs, and her bright smile that could probably light up anyone's world, maybe it already lit up Jungkook’s world, just like his own smile did to yours.

“Oh hi, Celeste” she introduces herself, and outstretches her hand, you shake it, giving her a wide smile. You didn’t want Jungkook to know that slowly your heart was tugging apart inside, and that bile was probably rising up and had the sudden urge to vomit out your stomach's contents of breakfast and coffee. 

“…” you introduce yourself and Jungkook gives you a tight lip smile his nystagmic eyes missed nothing, but you also avoid them, avoid his being while Celeste beams about the garage and the random Corvette that’s being fixed up. Easing into some easy-going conversations, and more small talk about the party they're going to attend after, meanwhile, your heart clenched and twisted with a wicked feeling of jealousy, eyes zeroing in on her hand on Jungkook’s bicep. It looked natural like it was the millionth time she was doing this and you didn’t how much longer you could take it, seeing him with someone else. 

“I- ’m going to go now, I hope you guys have a good time at the party,” you uttered after you all chatted for a while, and Jungkook’s eyes softened at the tight expression on your face–a lacklustre smile on your lips, he can see right through you, he knows you're disappointed, upset- but not angry. 

“Wait, you should totally come, it’ll be a good time,” she suggests and you flinch slightly, looking over at Jungkook who gives you a tight smile, almost as if he was uncomfortable with the idea because his lips primed, and his brows knitted into a frown. You chuckle uneasily, waving your hand in a dismissive way before turning your head away from them a moment.

“Oh c’mon, it’ll be fun and if you know Jungkookie here im sure you’ll get along with the others at the party” You almost vomit from the nickname, the very cute and intimate nickname that falls from her mouth naturally, her hand rubbing his bicep in a soothing manner. Your face heats up from frustration and embarrassment because Jungkook clearly did not want you to accept yet you open your mouth to accept, giving Jungkook one last glance that has you nervously nipping at the bottom of your lip. 

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

You're on the sidewalk, nervous and jittery from entering the three-story home overflowing with people inside and out, bobbleheads scattered all over the top terrace to the front yard. Red cups are held in everybody’s hand, either filled with alcohol or any pop of their choice, but the way drunken bodies move and shout has you thinking of the latter option. Your bottom lip is tucked underneath your teeth, bare legs stuck to the ground as you contemplate the house, you didn't know what you were doing here, to be honest. 

Jungkook definitely did not want you there, you were absolutely terrified of entering this stranger's party, and Celeste was probably just trying to be nice by inviting you yet you had bitter feelings towards her. What were you trying to prove? Show Jungkook that you were better than her, dressed into a tight crochet dress you’ve decided to borrow from your friend, about to step into a sea of people you didn't know and the only person that did– clearly showed his disinterest in wanting you there. 

The look on his face showed his frustration and apprehension in not wanting you at the party as if he had something to hide, but that gave you all the push to come, maybe prove to him that you are as cool and as beautiful as Celeste. You wanted to mingle with his friends and converse with others to show Jungkook that you could fall in with his crowd.

Underneath all the nervousness and stress you are feeling, you feel a little brave and confident in the quite revealing, short dress, hair locks cascading down your back with glittery makeup on to emphasize your features. You hoped that if you were to approach Jungkook tonight that he would drop his mouth open, maybe discreetly look you up while you talk and enjoy yourself. You just want to show Jungkook how cool you could be, you could show him what he could have instead and in a perfect world, he would finally realize his feelings for you and come running to hug your waist and bury his boyish face into your neck, telling you how much he loves you.

 But this isn’t a perfect world, clearly when the first thing you see is a girl sitting on Jungkook’s lap on the couch when you walk in, and that girl was not Celeste but rather a brunette wearing a backless top. 

Your blink back pathetic tears, as you shift from one foot to the other. You were at a safe enough distance for them not to notice you but you also felt like throwing up, felt your heart shatter even harder than before because of one thing you never thought Of course Jungkook would turn out to be a fuck boy. A boy who flies through girls easily, bedding and dipping fast. What did you expect?

You figured that out by deciding to stay unnoticed at the party for a couple of hours, waiting for a time that he wasn’t occupied with shoving his tongue down someone’s throat. You counted at least 3, 4, maybe 5 women who had successfully approached him to share spit, your breaking point was when he decided to take the last girl upstairs, where the rooms were and you swore you could have met his eyes for a second as well, but you were quick to rush out that door and back into your car, steadying your breathing.

Pathetic of you to think that Jungkook was the soft and sweet boy you thought, you saw him smirk your way when he had the last girl on his lap, probably sensing your gaze on him finally he decided to hook her legs up to his waist and carry her up the stairs, putting a show on for you, it's as if he was mocking you. You could feel your heart detach itself from your chest, tears streaming down the face that you spent beating up the last two hours. 

A tiny scoff leaves your lips, mind replaying that stupid devilish smirk on his stupidly handsome face.

He knew what he was doing, clearly.

How naive and in your head, you were to think that maybe just maybe Jungkook would have feelings for you and surely you thought that his actions and kind-heartedness towards you were special but seeing the way he held and softly caressed other girls, playing with their hair–showed that you would never be one of those girls. You want to be more than that though. 

He was a good man, he would never intentionally hurt you and you blame yourself for your tears–if only you told him if only you sat him down and talked to him about your undying love. But then again, it’s been months of dropping hints and months of flirting with him surely he would know you had feelings for him? Would he really deliberately hurt you like this?

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

Jungkook couldn’t believe that when he woke up the next morning he was still at the party, sweat running down his back and neck making his skin sticky and gross. As he looked around he was all alone in the bed groaning when he saw the pair of panties on the nightstand with a little handwritten note beside him (Call me sometime ;)!) a phone number attached. Grudgingly he got up and threw out the note, grumbling in disgust, he managed to make it out the front door fully dressed, with his car perfectly intact and parked in the driveway. Looking back at the house small memories started coming back to him and your face flashed right through his mind, in that pretty little skimpy dress. Short that it almost flashed your ass with every step you took, catching the attention of all the boys at the party. 

He scoffed at the memory, especially when he remembered the way your face broke out into horror every time you saw him with a different girl each time that night. Honestly, he was hoping you hadn’t come to the party just so you didn’t see that side of him. That side of him that he hasn’t matured and grown out of.  You were probably hurt you weren't one of them, probably jealous of the girls he had kissed and fucked but he’s glad you weren’t one of them.

He would never disrespect you like that, if he was going to do things with you he would do it right. He would do it right as in take you out on several dates, confessing his love, and hopefully make you his girlfriend by the end of it. That’s the right way, the morally good and safe way to do things. He thinks that’s what you would have wanted, that's what you would have expected from him. But Jungkook doesn’t want that, he doesn’t like pre-planned things, he doesn’t like expectations, nor does he like the idea of being tied down. 

But above all Jungkook doesn’t want to hurt you, hurt the fragile soul of yours that preplans and expects and sees the world in all shades of rainbows and unicorns. Call him a little cynical, a pessimist, (he is) but Jungkook likes the unexpected spontaneous nature of life that randomly brang what belonged to him when he needed it. He liked for things to fall in place and although to a certain extent, he should put in some work for what he wanted he knew that he didn’t want anything romantic to do with anyone right now. Maybe he should let you know then to keep letting your hopes up, but something so gut-wrenching and heart-shattering about seeing you hurt that Jungkook didn’t like. He lived to see the colour in your face, your enthusiasm and the way you’d go hours and hours talking about everything and anything.

And since Jungkook is so convinced that you both would be better off as friends than romantic lovers, why does he have this terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach when he doesn’t see you for the next month? He doesn’t get the bubbly feeling and breath knocked out of him when he sees you walk in with one of your sundresses, only disappointment and beer bellies walking into his shop. He sighs, frustration clear on his face while he tightens the bolts on the bottom of the engine.

Jimin takes cautious notice of his mood throughout the weeks, he watched his eyes always flicker to the door whenever the bell chimes and the disappointment that settled into his eyes after, tells Jimin that maybe he’s looking out for a special chatty bird.

“What’s with you?” Jimin asks, nudging him on the shoulder.

“What’s with what?” faux disinterest laced in his tone.

“You have this sadness oozing out of you and I think it may have something to do with our favourite little customer huh?” he says with a grin and Jungkook chuckles.

“Is it that obvious?” he scoffs and Jimin shrugs.

“Yeah I mean, she hasn’t come in a while and your eyes practically jump to the door every time it chimes,” he treads, and Jungkook groans.

“She won’t answer my texts either, nothing” Jungkook sighs, wiping his oiled hands on his overalls.

“What’d you do?”

“Nothing”

“What’d you do Jungkook.”

“Seriously I don’t know, I’m confused myself,” Jungkook sighs.

“Managed to already hurt her feelings?” Jimin treads around the topic, not wanting to anger Jungkook but also get it out of him. 

He knows your little innocent crush on his friend here, he knows you come in to fix every little thing (although unnecessary really) just to see Jungkook. He knows how Jungkook rolls, he wouldn’t be into the stuff where you date and do all the sappy shit— he didn’t like expected romance, he was more into hookups and spontaneous fucks something you obviously weren’t made for.

“What you think I did something?” He scoffs and Jimin sighs. “She’s just sensitive, she probably saw me with someone at the party, and I didn’t want her to come in the first place but she did and she ended up seeing shit she didn’t like” Jungkook blurts and Jimin hums.

The truth summarised. 

“So really I did nothing, she showed up and she didn’t like what she saw” he shrugs, and Jimin scoffs.

“Why didn’t you want her there?” Jimin asks and Jungkook really wishes he didn’t ask that because he knew the answer. He knew he didn’t want you there because he had a fear of disappointing you and showing you the side of him that he secretly hates, the side where he made out with multiple women and fucked carelessly and to make matters worse he made sure it was in front of you.

Why did he care what you think of him? He doesn’t know and quite frankly he didn’t want to get into that variegated emotions and thoughts because now was not the time. He really thought that the best way of getting you away from him was to hurt you and he knows he did because he saw all the tears slip out of your eyes when you hastily wiped them away at the sight of Jungkook taking another woman upstairs to fuck, he knew by the way you hurriedly scurried out the door in the skimpy little adorable dress that you probably wore just for him. 

Jungkook knew what you felt in your heart, you were very easy to read and he wasn’t dumb. You're pretty predictable and now he regrets not walking up to you normally instead of forcing his tongue down a random woman's throat to purposely hurt you.

Why? He couldn't tell you.

You deserved more, he wanted you to know you deserved more and maybe you finally realized that Jungkook was horrible and that it wasn't worthwhile having a crush on him but why does the lack of you in his life sting his heart. Why does it leave a bitter taste on the back of his tongue, and he can’t shake you out of his mind? 

Jesus

He knew he grew accustomed to your company, he knew that much was true yet when you didn’t show up to the shop as your bubbly old self and did not answer his texts…. has him feeling like shit.

“I didn’t want her there because that wasn’t her type of thing” he answers after a long pause and Jimin gets busy with his task in hand, screwing up the tire in place.

“Uh-huh,” he said off-puttingly and Jungkook raises an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Oh nothing…it’s just that—-You’re a shitty fucking person Jungkook” Jimin chuckles.

“How?” he asks

“Because you’re not honest with yourself, so you end up hurting people for no reason” he shrugs and his shoulder slump.

“You know she likes you, she’s harboured harmless feelings for you over a course of months and she cares for you, yet you end up treating her like shit when she dresses up for you and shows up to a party only to see you deliberately shove your tongue down throats in front of her because you wanted her to ‘back off,” Jimin huffs, air quoting “back-off” with his fingers and Jungkook suddenly feels exposed. A chilling and unsettling feeling rumbled from his chest.

“You don’t even want her to back off, I know you like her back just as much but you just self-sabotage because of your past but guess what Jungkook,” Jimin pauses, hands up to show his frustration.

“ ‘...’ isn’t Sora. You don’t always have to have this facade of smugness and nonchalance. It isn't attractive anymore,” Jimin spat when he finished his job, rubbing his hands with the towel as he walked back into the break room, leaving Jungkook to simmer inside his thoughts.

Damn

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

There is a foundation; eating, sleeping, and the occasional exercise that science proves helps our quality of life. Physically, these are all fundamental elements that help us live a long and fulfilling life (mostly), yet as you grow older and older you no longer depend on your parents to tie your shoes for you and start to form your own perspective on life, and what is most important to you. You realise there is more to life than just being, you no longer want to live for the purpose of living so you go out and find it. 

You go out and seek the purpose for what you’ve been placed in this cruel world for, and somewhere along the journey, you start longing and yearning for something that is out of your reach. You create an unrealistic romanticized version of life in your subconscious mind. Outlets such as books, poetry, and movies may portray these very impractical ways of life in such beautiful and, again, (unrealistic) perspectives, which in the end can conflict with your conscious mind when you come face to face with these scenarios in reality and you’re left unsatisfied.

You expect and set life on this high pedestal to only then realize…. that life is much more complicated and disappointing. Depressing even to comprehend just how hard it is to live, just how hard it is to show vulnerability, to talk about feelings–to show them, to love, to accept, to forgive, to grieve.

It’s hard, truly.

That’s what Jungkook thinks you do, he thinks you’re so bubbly and energetic– so hopeful because you think of life as this big cloud of unicorn dust and stars that shine brighter than the sun.

He sees the hopefulness in the roundness of your eyes, and the adoration that they carry; so much adoration. Especially for him, and it scares the absolute shit out of him. He wishes he didn’t see life from a more cynical view, call him pessimistic but Jungkook would rather already have disappointment set into him like a wired robot and expect the worst of every situation than have that hopeful naive stare you have in your shimmery eyes, expecting everything to go the way you make things out to be only to be left pained in the end.

Yeah…hurt and pained.

Jungkook was always hyper-fixated on being disappointed in the grand scheme of all things, and he only believed that he could feel this way. He could only be the one disappointed but when he sees your lone self sitting in the diner you brought him over for lunch a couple of months ago, chewing on a lame piece of fry, eyes tired and looking down into your milkshake he stiffens.

Visibly, Jimin notices and follows his line of vision, eyes landing on your form that carelessly runs through fries and the book you have on your lap. You seem tranquil, a vibe that neither Jimin nor Jungkook can wrap their heads around but when your head lifts up and your eyes scan the room you finally find his eyes. And Jungkook winces at the loss of joy and passion in them for him. It’s like the fire that kept burning in them full of love and hope was lit out. He half expects you to look back down at your book and avoid him, forgetting that you ever saw him but when you shyly wave and shoot him a smile Jungkook doesn’t think but walks towards your booth–which he now realises is the very same one you both sat in the last time.

“Hey,” you greet, voice hoarse and still soft. Jungkook was lost just staring at you, his eyes dancing across your dainty figure and locking in on the new tattoo on your forearm. It wasn’t big but it was big enough to notice right away, a cute star with a soft circle ringing around it.

“Hey babe, how’s it going?” Jimin asks concern laced in his voice as your eyes softly crinkle from smiling too hard at the pet name. Jungkook stares, heart beating faster as he hears the tired strain in your voice, you seem sunken and look smaller than before. Your eyes don't shine as bright and the glee in your voice was gone.

“Oh I got my car broken into, and my phone was stolen so sorry I didn’t see any of your messages” You blush lightly, your voice growing softer at the end. That explains why you haven’t answered any of his texts and why you didn’t return any of his calls. But he was still trying to figure out what had happened to your energy.

“You taking care of yourself?” Jungkook finally speaks up and your eyes look back and forth,` unable to hold the contact as you clear your voice and look away.

“Yeah, im doing well” You muster a smile and gesture for both of them to join you in the booth.

….

You exchanged your new number with Jimin and Jungkook, walking out of the booth after catching up. You decided to sell your car and invest in another you told them.

The cold breeze of the air kicks in as the moon farewells the sun— and darkness completely takes over the swirl of orange and pink that has painted the sky. Jimin wishes you both a good night and Jungkook lingers a bit longer by your car, looking at you.

“Let me drive you back home” he suggests with a small smile, “You’ve had some drinks” he explains and you chuckle lightly.

“Uhh it’s pretty far Jungkook, how would you get back?” you ask and Jungkook takes the keys from your hand.

“I'll bus back” He smiles and you nod, heart fluttering a million times harder inside the tight confinement of your chest.

Missing Jungkook was an understatement, you’ve done nothing but flaunter your interest in him and shower him with all your attention and love in the past. All you wanted was for him to either reject you or accept you. He was confusing, and although deep down your love for him rapidly grew like wildfire in your heart, the same love that he had shrugged off. The same love that he takes advantage of and deliberately strung along just for his own vile entertainment and pleasure, just for his ego to be nourished from time to time again is the same love…… that realized that you deserved better.

In the grand scheme of all things you had realized that Jungkook could never give you want and need, he won't ease your heart by reassuring you nor would he give you the love you deserve, the stability you deserve. 

And instead of wasting your time chasing after him, who clearly has different motives and different goals for his future, you decided to finally set him free, take a step back, and explore other options in your life.

The least you could do to guard your heart against his cruel ways.

When you’re cute coworker started taking interest in you, you decided to go on a few dates with him over the past month. You weren’t official yet but he made you happy, he truly did. He was the softest most kind-hearted boy, that’s what you used to think Jungkook was or wished he was like.

You idealized Jungkook, you’ve built such unrealistic standards of him and put him on the highest pedestal that you could possibly find. The tattoos, his body, and luscious raven hair were all a blinding vision, all romanticization.

And you feel guilty for doing that, which is why you had stopped coming to see him for a while. You had to clear your mind and stop being a delusional little 13-year-old. You’re a grown 25-year-old woman who has a career, and a promising future. You wanted to get married have children and do the unimaginable most basic cliche things in between. You realized that waiting around for Jungkook would set you back. 

This doesn’t mean you regret the past year of pinning and being whipped after him, you genuinely had a fun time but the sooner you realized the harsh reality, the softer the blow would be, and you wouldn't have to go through a traumatic heartbreak. Or you hoped.

The ride to your house is ghost quiet, only the bustling horns of cars and skyline and street lights illuminate the car, casting a beautiful shimmer onto his face. The soft tune of Sabrina Claudio playing on the radio, humming along quietly as you look out the window.

“Time will be frozen….for us” you sing lowly, and Jungkook takes a second to look at your side profile, a smile growing on his lips.

“You have a nice voice,” he compliments and you giggle shyly, staying quiet and humming along some more. 

You soon arrive at your condo, he parked your car in the garage. You invite him over for some food and made some pasta for the both of you silently eating on your kitchen island, conversation flowing slightly awkwardly with little pauses in between to rack your brain for topics. You could tell he was treading carefully, tentatively and hyperaware. You can see it in the way he speaks between pauses, and actions so timid it’s so unlike him.

“This dress is really pretty,” his hands tug lightly at the laces on the end, skimming your upper thigh lightly. You smile, patting the short piece of fabric down your thighs and Jungkook licks his lips. Eyes land on the white lace garter around your left thigh, catching a sight of it by accident when you hike it up your thigh.

He raises an eyebrow, clearing his throat as you lightly smirk. Suddenly the tensions in the air change, and you lean in closer.

“Thanks, I got it as a gift last week,” you smile, absentmindedly sighing at the way Yoongi bought you the dress to wear for their date, he was supposed to come over later tonight, so you desperately wished to get rid of Jungkook as soon as possible. 

“Are you going to bus back soon, it’s getting late,” you move your body away from his, taking the opportunity to clean the dishes while putting space between the two of you. He lingered confused, staring at you intently as if in deep thought, you can see from your peripheral vision. All of a sudden the air around the both of you got thick, and your heartbeat picked up as soon as he came around beside you, helping you dry the dishes.

“Why am I not welcome anymore?” He jokes, setting the plates down on the drying rack. He slowly trails behind you, trapping both of his arms on either side of your body, leaning his head in slowly and you anticipate the feeling of his body flushed against you but it never comes. Jungkook paused, too busy staring at the bruising mark on your neck, his heart twisting uncomfortably.

Were you seeing someone? Is that why you stopped coming to see him for the past couple of months? He feels anger rising but subdued when you turn around, face inches away from him.

“What are you doing?” You ask and Jungkook scoffs, a bitter chuckle escaping his mouth as he takes a step back.

“If you want me to leave because your little boyfriend’s coming soon, you could’ve just said so” he tuts, and your eyes widen.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you say defensively, eyebrows knitted in confusion.

Jungkook crosses his arms, mockingly mirroring your pouty lips, “You don’t have to be so coy, just tell me to leave,” he says, and your eyes widen, your patience running thin as your blood boils in anger.

Who did he think he is?

Jungkook wanted you to tell him to leave, he wanted to prove a point. Show yourself that you still like him still. But what surprised him was the little smirk on your face, your arms suddenly crossing over to mirror his own and the way you gesture to the door with a tilt of your head.

This was it? Had you truly moved on…? Isn’t this what Jungkook wanted all along though? Why was his heart shattering inside his chest and the air suddenly felt warmer and thin around him? 

Why was the new glint of realization and unhinged gleam in your eyes bothering the fuck out of him. God damn it your eyes shined so much brighter and glowed a thousand times shinier than the moon could have whenever you saw him.

That used to always put his heart at ease, feeling wanted, he loved being desired. Especially when you would stare at him for hours and trace the tattoos along his arms, buy him food and talk his ear off. 

Why was that all gone from the look in your eyes, he felt the coldness in your stare probably caught on to the arrogance his words held, and the smugness he carried himself with.

So he’s surprised when he hears what he hears next.

“Please leave Jungkook, I have someone coming over,” you smile.

You didn’t let him get what he came for, you didn’t let him shatter your self-confidence, nor did you let him fill you with self-doubt. You're a changed woman….

——

Min Yoongi was a special man, a special man that held a special part in your heart. You’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months, and ever since he asked you to be his girlfriend a couple of weeks ago you’ve been head over heels. 

Driving him crazy by drowning him in kisses, and hugs, making him food at unprecedented times of the day and taking it over to him at the university he teaches at.

He was a physics professor, at the age of 30 living in a downtown complex just half an hour away from you(depending on traffic) and although the way you met was kind of unconventional you both had hit it off quite well.

He was the kindest, sweetest man ever, always so thoughtful of you, always treating you with the utmost respect and kindness you deserve. Ever since the last night you’ve seen Jungkook a month ago, the memory of him started fading away slowly, your heart healing and filling your mind with new and fonder memories. 

Like right now, sitting on Yoongi’s lap while he inspects your broken laptop, trying to fix the crashed document for you.

Smiling at him you hear him groan and you coo, kissing his cheek multiple times while he shuts down your computer again to refresh it.

“Baby, I think you need a new computer,” he sighs, taking off his glasses and finally giving you the attention you’ve asked for all night.

You kiss his lips, holding the sides of his face gently while he giggles. “It’s okay, as long as I have you,” you smile stupidly and Yoongi feels his chest tightening with love, butterflies pooling at the bottom of his stomach.

“Plus you can just use my computer for the time being,” he suggests and you nod, burying your head in the solace that was his neck, relaxing the rest of the afternoon in his embrace.

——

“Jimin, your customer is here to pick up his Audi,” Jungkook calls in from the reception area, sharing a brief smile with the young man dressed in a sharply tailored suit, raven hair and mullet cut. He was shorter than him and scrawnier but nonetheless, you could see his biceps buff and curl into the stretched material of his dress shirt. 

Jimin wipes the grease off his hands and onto his jumper, breaking out into a big grin as he shakes his hand. “Ahh Yoongi, good to see you,” he beams and Yoongi bows politely.

“Enough is my car fixed? No more leakage diarrhea?” He jokes with a quizzed eyebrow, earning a chuckle from him. 

“Nah no more liquid shit, let me show you,” he takes him to his car and Jungkook shakes his head with a smile on his lips. He had helped fix the diarrhea problem in the Audi, almost in the shop for a month as they had to wait for a piece they ordered to come. Apparently, his girlfriend has been giving him rides to work and back for the past couple of weeks.

Jungkook washed his hands, running a hand through his now short hair, and eyes trained on his phone, checking out the new sneaker shop downtown to try and visit and get Jimin a gift for his upcoming birthday.

He’s throwing a pool party at his parent's mansion, them being gone for the next couple of weeks. He booked a dj, and bartender and Invited a shit ton of people because according to his own words:

“You only turn 25 once, that’s halfway to the 50 and wrinkly old man that I’ll be” He justified his expensive irrational blow of money.

“Yoongi!” Jungkook hears, he knows this voice way too well. Familiar with the soft rasp to it, and the kindness of every syllable, he regrets it but he looks up. Finding you clad in a beautiful yellow sundress, the one that you wore that one time you came to visit and bring  him lunch, ready to spill about the contents of your day to him.

Your eyes hold a little surprise to them when you spot him and Jungkook wished the whole world swallowed him whole while he stared at you his heart started wildly beating, a specific clench on the left side as he regards your beautiful self. 

You have a life back in your eyes, a certain light and beam in the shines of your irises and his mind switches into a hopeful thought before he sees you look behind him and wave at the young gentlemen through the glass, talking to Jimin.

You look back at him, a certain softness to your eyes as you regard him and walk up closer. “It’s been so long Jeon, Hi,” you say, and Jungkook gulps when he waits for a beat longer to respond; stunned that you are really here, standing here talking to him, especially after the last time you both spoke.

“I’m good,” he responds, eyes glancing between your eyes and lips, then at the tattoo on your forearm. The little star with the winged circle, he assesses it, never had a chance to ask you about it. You slipped through his fingers faster than he would’ve liked. 

You nod, a frown replacing your face when he looks back at his phone, trying to ignore your presence. But really his heart was beating way too fast for his liking, heart clenching in pain and longing….regret.

You disappointedly turn away, a smile right back on your face when Yoongi comes back out with his car keys, he pulls you into his embrace, lingering a kiss on the top of your head.

Jungkook notices this and blinks owlishly.

What did he fucking miss?

“‘….’” Jimin says your name, a surprised gasp leaving his lips when he sees the interaction and in a split second he sends a knowing look to Jungkook, a smirk attached to his gaze.

Jungkook rolls his eyes and continues to watch you catch up with Jimin, blabbering about life and decisions and thinking of moving into the city. He didn’t really hear much because his gaze was on the way your handheld Yoongi’s thumb, squeezing it lightly in nervousness he thinks because you used to do that with him a lot. He grows more irritated when he sees the way you subtly lean your head onto his bicep and seek warmth and comfort in his embrace. Your eyes look everywhere and when they meet him again Jungkook decides to not look away holding your gaze with a pained look on his face you decide to send him a small smile and look away, leaning into Yoongi even further which makes Jungkook furious.

“I’ll send you the address, and don’t bring gifts, it's a no-gift birthday party,” he raised a finger in a warning and you giggled with a roll of your eyes.

“Whatever you say,” you sing, and leave hand in hand with Yoongi once you all exchange goodbyes.

Silence overtakes the garage, Jungkook’s eyes stay on the door that you just left from and finally looks away when Jimin chuckles—throwing an arm over Jungkook’s shoulder.

He sighs dreamily, rather dramatically Jungkook thinks, “If only you weren’t a fucking asshole that could’ve been you, lover boy,” he slaps his shoulder and Jungkook raises his arm, pushing Jimin off but he runs away with a squeal before Jungkook could slap him.

He comes back after a fit of giggles, “But man I hope you're okay,” he says more seriously giving Jungkook a sad smile.

“I’m fine,” he shrugs, showing indifference but the beating of his heart and the croak in his voice betray his words.

——

A beer in hand and other on his phone as he mindlessly scrolls through his feed, he enjoys the bustle outside of the party and the serene calm sound of waves crashing against each other at the terrace of Jimin’s parent's room. 

The party had started a couple of hours ago, not even halfway there as people mingle and talk. He even spotted you, a cute little two-piece clad on your curves. They had little sunflowers on them, small pathetic excuses of triangles covering your nipples but he could imagine the perky pebbles in his face as they erected through the material. The bottom half had a cute see-through mini skirt as a cover-up that covered the bikini yet exposed everything at the same time. 

You looked really good, and when you found his gaze you had sent him a small smile waving a little. But he had looked away escaping out to the terrace to stop himself from thinking about you. To bask in his own misery.

He couldn’t take the sight of you lovingly sitting on Yoongi’s lap, playing with his hair while he conversed around, a beer in his hand while he sat sprawled out on one of the lawn chairs. You had those love-sick eyes that he loved seeing yet he only realized he loved them when they were on him.

You whispered and kissed him lovingly, giggling into his neck as his hands held your hips.

Was he really that fucking funny?

He watched the way he teasingly released the strings on the side of your bathing suit and you gasped and slapped his arm away, quick to tie it back up.

He wished it were him.

Fuck,

He wished he didn’t fuck up, yet here he is fucking up even the friendship you possibly could have had but he cold-shouldered you every time you try and show any kindness, or start a conversation.

He sighs laying on his back while his bicep covers his eyes from the blaring sun, trying to clear his thoughts away from you. He needed to stop thinking of you before he tried to jump off the terrace…

It was indeed an enticing idea at this moment.

Limbs barely contained himself at the mere thought of you having him wanting to torture himself in all kinds of ways. And when he feels the weight of the door to the terrace close shut, a heavy sigh escapes him ready to tell the person occupying his peace to fuck off.

But the words die inside his throat and shove back down into his esophagus when he sees you standing there with a credulous look on your face. Your dainty bikini and mesh skirt that barely covers anything flows with the wind, and your hair also blows in the direction the gust is coming from. 

You look ethereal Jungkook thinks, standing there all meek with a guilty look on your face, looking prettier than ever and that’s when he catches himself slipping, a smile almost etched himself onto his lips and he’s quick to turn away and clear his throat. 

A practiced scowl takes over and he looks back at you again. 

“What?” He asks, he even grimaces when it comes out a bit more aggressively than he intended to, and he feels his heart tug at the pained expression on your face. 

He was angered all of a sudden, it was because of your presence that he was escaping the pool and when he finds you here again it just did something to him.

All the feelings and constant regret, the doubts and fears, what if’s all clouding his mind in an array of emotions either through sadness and agony, or jealousy and anger.

He decided that he feels both when it comes to you, he feels everything when it comes to you and he hates himself for the wrong timing of his realization because Jungkook is beyond repair, and damaged the foundations of your friends so easily, what makes him think he had a chance to get to any level of a relationship with you now that he’s acted like such an asshole towards you?

Jeon Jungkook, ladies and gentlemen.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt I just wanted to get the donut floaty…” you trail off and your face suddenly starts getting warm from the embarrassment you feel from the exaggerated bored expression on his face. If a look could make you cry, it would be the one on his face right now.

“Or never mind I’ll come back for it-” You turn around and roll your eyes.

“You can grab it, I don’t care,” he says, laying back down on his back, glancing up at the clear sky.

You mutter out a weak ‘okay’ and quickly dig through the pile of junk in the corner near Jungkook’s chair. 

Fuck, Jungkook thinks taking a glance at you only to see you bent down, ass puckered out, bikini barely covering your nether region and he uses all the strength in him to look away.

“Can you find it any faster?” He grumbles, getting up to help you search for the damn floaty just so you can get out of here and he doesn’t have your presence interrupting his sulking thoughts…. of well…..you.

“I got it Jungkook you can sit back down,” you sigh, and he mutters curse words underneath his breath cursing whichever wicked person decided to let the fucking universe let this moment happen. 

Once you find the floaty Jungkook also realized he’s also grabbed a part of it, bringing it up at the same time as you, and it’s when you face him that he notices the close proximity between the both of you. You have a sharp stare aimed right at him and Jungkook moves in closer, eyes challenging yours while he slowly bends down to your level.

You breathe out a scoff when he’s near and Jungkook licks his lips, and it’s as if time freezes when he sees the same action of your tongue darting out that he has a small spark of hope lit off inside of him. The hurtful want in his heart tugging him towards you until he’s breathing you in, eyes casting down your face until the worst thing he deemed to be in the ENTIRE WORLD happens.

“Baby did you find the float!” 

Your boyfriend calls out, voice closer to the terrace and you scramble away from Jungkook, pushing at his chest gently while you manage to grasp the floaty in your hands.

“Yes Yoongi I’m coming,” you yell back, pausing at the door for a moment and Jungkook hopes with his whole heart that you turn around. Because if you do then the spark of hope in him…will ignite, it will give him the courage to try again.

But when you linger around longer than usual he sees you walk off without turning back for a single glance his way.

Damn.

———

Jungkook doesn’t see you for the next couple of months, randomly only getting updates from you on your Instagram that he stalks way too often than he should be. It was a guilty pleasure of his reality, it was his way of checking in on you without having to text you and he thought it was safer that way.

It was safer for his heart, and to save himself from embarrassment. But when Jungkook got off the clock today, showered and ready in bed to continue with his daily stalking, he noticed something different on your page. Something was missing and after staring at it for so long he realized the annoying lovesick hand-holding and disgustingly cute couple picture you had up of you and Yoongi—we’re all gone. Not even that you had taken down all your selfie picture he would stare at for hours, but that didn’t kill his mood. 

He was so beyond happy to see that maybe- just maybe you and Yoongi had broken up. Why else would you take down those photos? And every other selfie you had posted between the time period of you two dating. He wonders what’s changed, eager to know what had happened but Jungkook takes this as a sign from god and decides to send you a simple text, something not out of the ordinary. Maybe he shouldn’t consider how things went the last couple of encounters he’s had with you but what can he do?

The only girl he’s ever truly loved and cared for had finally learned her worth and moved on from him.

Ironic of him, truly

Wow he really was a shitty person.

To put things in that perspective Jungkook winces at the way he treated you, he strung you along, embarrassed you, and you took a strike to your dignity because of him.

He claimed that was because he wasn’t ready, or that his past relationship had haunted him, but really…Jungkook loved the attention. He loved it so he sometimes indulged in it, not really thinking about how it would have affected you in the long run.

You: ‘Sorry who is this?’

Had you really deleted his number?

JayKay: ‘It’s Jungkook’

You: ‘Oh uhh… sure we can meet up

His heart races in his chest, cheeks blazing as he finally gets to see you again. Maybe he’d apologize.

Hopefully.

JayKay: ‘Tomorrow I get off at noon, come by and we’ll grab some lunch :)?’

You: ‘Sure’

Jungkook can only hope that you accept the apology that he provides and hopefully his heart.

——

How Jungkook finds himself buried between your legs, your hands wrapped into his black locks while he madly eats at your cunt, he has no idea. But he sure does love the way you whine and sing soft moans out for him, head thrown back while you try and stay seated on the passenger seat of the car he was currently fixing, kneeling on the floor, legs half out the door and on his shoulders.

Shit, he didn’t know his form of apology would come in this way. 

But it just happened.

He holds your thighs open, tongue dipping out to softly lick and tease your folds, come back up to see your cunt spread open, flushed and glistening with his saliva spread so good, he groans.

“God I’ve been wanting to know what you tasted like for so long,” he groans, eyes still admiring his coat of spit on your warm cunt.

“Oh please Jungkook,” you moan, and he smiles coming up to quickly peck you as he gathers the saliva around his teeth, mouth pouting out a spike of spit and it lands straight onto your clit.

“Oh yes!” you pant, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you feel the spit run down your cunt and onto your ass. Jungkook dives right back in, taking both his hands to spread open your folds and nudge his tongue in, shaking his head to also nose at your clit. Your legs shake at the intense pleasure and all of a sudden you feel the sudden knot in your lower stomach form. 

“Oh fuck yes!” You moan out loud, and Jungkook takes this opportunity to come up for air and latch onto your clit, deeming you wet enough to plunge two fingers in. He moved in vampire speed, the soft moans and loud strings of his name only spurring him on, feeling your cunt gush and flutter every few seconds has him riled up in his overalls.

“Needed you for so long, now you're falling apart all over my tongue,” he moans into your cunt, indulging in your taste a little longer until he pulls his fingers out and detaches his mouth from your cunt with one last kiss to it.

“Fuck, stand up”  he says with a grin and disheaveled hair, you got up wobbling on your feet and Jungkook wraps his arms around your waist.

He tugs you closer and cups his other hand around your jaw, kissing your lips with a fierce passion that has your stomach turning and aching with want, butterflies fly throughout your bodies and onto each other clashing with the lacklustre of unsaid emotions between you two: ultimately making this moment even more passionate.

Fuck Jungkook thinks, hands now gripping your waist in an attempt to pull you flush against his pelvis and when you whimper into the kiss he detached himself with one final suck on your tongue and a slow bite on your bottom lip, eyes fiercely gazing down into your own. 

“Fuckkk you're so pretty,” he whispers, eyes skimming down your face, swollen lips, puffy cheeks and you smile coyly, shyly shoving at his chest for the compliment. 

“Come here,” he grins sitting inside the passenger seat of the car, reclining the chair all the way down before he gestures for you to come sit on him.

You throw your legs around his body, straddling him as his hands travel down and grab the flesh of your ass to scoot you closer.

“I didn’t mean my lap babe,” he smirks, and you quirk an eyebrow in confusement, when he manhandles you and drives your legs up higher his body, that’s when you understand and gasp softly.

“A-are you sure?” you ask, concern laced your voice and Jungkook grins, licking his lip as he aligns you over his face, your knees digging into the headrest space that’s available, arms grabbing the ceilings of the 4x4. When he nods in encouragement and you hesitate he delivers a slight smack to your clit making you jolt forwards but he knew you like it when a gush of arousal seeps out of you.

“Mmm okay ok, please tell me if I hurt you, I don’t wanna kill you,” you murmur the last part and Jungkook chuckles. 

“I’d die a happy man,” he smirk before spreading open your lips with his fingers, tongue darting out to lick and suck at your clit with a surprising pressure and Jungkook chuckles when you jolt forwards.

He buries his hand around the flesh of your thighs and holds you down so you don’t run away. “Ride my fucking face,” he grunts, and you don’t hesitate this time, sitting done properly on his face so that his nose aligns with your clit and your folds aim for his tongue. You breathlessly moan when you start moving up and down, and letting Jungkook bring you closer to your high.

“Feels so good,” you whine and Jungkook continues slurping up your cunt juices making sure to help you grind down on his face to get off. 

“Taste”, kiss, “So”, kiss, “Good” he says in between dipping his tongue into your cunt, feeling you pulse and flutter around him and he knows you're close.

“Gonna cum?” he asks and you whine, nodding your head eagerly. You place your fingers in between strands of his hair and slightly angle his face deeper into your clit so he can get you to your end.

Jungkook absolutely loves that you're using him, mouth open wide as he stares into your eyes, stains of tears running down your cheek at the intense pleasure, fuck.

He bucks his hip up to search for any type of release, and then suddenly he feels your legs shake in his grasp, and your head lolling back.

“Oh my god! Yes!” you moan out, riding his face faster and Jungkook braces himself for a couple of seconds to get you off, feeling himself suffocating underneath you, but he lets it happen. His arms loosen around your thighs as you bury yourself deeper into his face.

“Ahh, yes, ohhhh,” you drag out your moans and Jungkook groans against you, hand coming up to smooth over the skin of your thigh in an attempt to lift you off him.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry,” you flush from embarrassment, feeling the heat on your cheeks sore throughout your whole body. You raise yourself up for a moment, cheekily grinning down at his glistened face. You gasp, flying to gather your shirt that had flown off in the process of this, grabbing it to wipe his face meekly, softly dabbing it onto his skin.

“What are you doing?” he chuckles and you wiggle back down to straddle his thighs, softly placing a kiss on the tip of his nose.

You’ve missed him so much.

You let your eyes linger on his features, the same ones that you had imprinted into your own head for months, the same bubbly nose, thick eyebrows, and doe eyes that hadn’t been able to leave your mind for the past year. Even when you were in a committed relationship you couldn’t shake them away, even if you were happy with Yoongi you couldn’t shake him away. 

He was one of the reasons why your relationship with Yoongi didn’t work out, amongst others. The guilt was too much, committing to Yoongi when you knew that your heart yearned for another, your mind had that bunny smile plastered in every corner of your mind. 

The same pearly whites that he flashes at your curious eyes gazing down his face, and into his eyes.

“What?” he asks and you shake away from your daze, shyly grinning as you hop off his lap to adjust your skirt.

No.

You don’t want to put your heart through the torture of not knowing where you stand with Jungkook, again. You don’t want the uncertainty and all the doubt it comes with being involved with him.

So you take this time to collect yourself and ask him why he had texted you to come over, surely getting sidetracked this way wasn’t on the agenda that much you can tell by the surprised expression on his face and the initial shock on his tongue meeting your own in a fiery kiss when you first came in.

You cross your arms and smooth down your shirt and skirt, “Why did you text me last night?” you asked.

Jungkook properly wipes his mouth and sits up at the edge of the car to face you, eyes blinking cowardly while he racks his brains for a reason, you think. A reason to mask the truth of course because you know him. This is what he does, leading you into the mud until he doesn't need you.

But you want your answer now and you want it fast. You're tired of playing games with him.

After a prolonged silence, you start to sigh heavily and turn away from him making sure to hide away your broken heart and tear welding eyes from his own.

“I missed you alright, I really did” Jungkook blurts, stopping you in your tracks.

You turn around to face him, an expecting look on your face for him to continue, he blinks doe eyes absolutely lost and your brain moving 200km/hour, you can tell.

Chuckling you throw your head back and scoff, “Is it really that hard for you to tell me you like me?” you ask.

Jungkook’s face goes red, not denying or adding to your statement simply standing up to dust his overalls. You cross your arms over each other raising a brow at his silence.

He doesn’t say anything. After a beat of silence, you scoff, shaking your head in disbelief as you walk out of the garage, without a look back and Jungkook gulps back the lump in his throat. Distracting himself with the car he was working on, the car he had just eaten you out on top of, and his heart clenches repeatedly at your expression of disappointment from him. 

Forever printed into his mind.

—

“I thought you said this was a frat party, not a crack house” you complain, pulling the bottom of your short dress down with every step you take into the house. Hoseok snorts, hand reaching out for yours and you slip your fingers together.

“Do me a favour and shut up for a minute.” he rolls his eyes, eyes teasingly glaring at you. Reaching the living room, Hoseok finally lets go of your hand, calling over his shoulder that he’s getting drinks for the both of you. 

You huff, sitting down on one of the love seats, pulling your phone out. A bunch of hollers and whistles are heard throughout the house but one side of the room drives your attention, glancing at the other side of the huge living space you notice the ping pong games going on. Your eyes curiously dance over to the corner and see a familiar build, he’s shoving his tongue down a girl's throat, a circle of people surrounding them. 

You scoff, of course. When said man winks at her and tries to crane his neck, his eyes meet your own briefly, and you look away quickly. You are not surprised that Jungkook’s getting turnt at a random party with yet another woman. Unaffected anymore you look away, Hoseok finally coming back with drinks and you mumble thanks as he sits beside you, and starts conversations with the people around him. 

Your eyes lift once more and an even more shocking pair of eyes meet yours and at this, your heart leaps a little, it’s Yoongi looking even more handsome with long jet-black hair, his arms and chest looking buffer than normal. He sports a black button-up opened up with a white tank top, baggy cargo and a chain so shiny you can see your reflection.

“Oh ‘....’, Hello” he smiles, a shaky breath escaping him, you smile so wide, immediately jumping up on your feet to greet him, arms wrapping around his neck and his arms around your frame, pulling you so close to him your feet lift off the floor.

“How’s it going,” You sigh, pulling away.

“Good, calm and peaceful,” he lets you go and you smile.

“Just how you like it huh,” and he chuckles.

 “So what, you’re done your placement in New York?” you ask about his job that had stationed him there for a few months, right after your breakup.

“Yeah I finally got a permanent placement here,” he trails off, his arms itching towards you but he wraps them around his biceps instead, crossing them. The obvious instinct to reach out to each other is still fresh, muscles twitching into comfort soothing touches on each other's warm skin. You felt it too, felt your arms reach for his dark locks but had half a mind to control yourself, instead you smile so fondly that your heart squeezes so tightly. 

Two lovers who star gazed, spent hours upon hours in each other’s bed, body intertwined, souls intertwined. It’s a bittersweet moment, and you think Yoongi can feel it too, with the way his smile matches your own. 

You’ve always appreciated Yoongi, and always will. He was the first person that taught you what love meant, the first person to show you how you should be loved. Perhaps in another lifetime, you two would have been end-game, you think you’d be in love with him so hard. You don’t believe in the right person wrong time, but you sure do believe that Yoongi and you were meant to be in another universe, another era of your life…..if your heart wasn’t already struggling with the feelings of another man, you’d think that Yoongi would've been for you. 

—

Jungkook’s eyes stay glued to the way you smile and the way your hands naturally intertwine with Yoongi’s, animatedly talking. Yoongi matched the smile you sport, a gummy smile he reserved for you, otherwise, his eyes were stern, a look so means that people could think he was killing em with it. 

The dynamic between you two was weird, you guys seemed as if you have nothing in common, you are so bubbly and outgoing and Yoongi just seems so- unbothered and low energy. Jungkook guesses that you both mesh perfectly despite the differences like you both were end-game even broken up and it has him discouraged. 

You looked so happy, and Jungkook cursed under his breath, insecurity and jealousy bubbling inside of him. 

“We shouldn’t,” you say, and Jungkook’s ear perks up nicely looking at the way your gaze softly cracks its calm facade, distress clearly on your face as you turn and find his gaze. Yoongi’s head turns his way as well and he has half a brain to look away. You must have said something about him because what is the coincidence of the both of you looking his way at the same time? 

He notices Yoongi is not by your side by the end of the night. You get out at the same time as him.

“You good?” he asks, eyes watching the way your frame sways side to side, eyes slightly puffy and glossy, but you still have a smile on your face. Maybe you’re a bit tipsy.

“Yes Jungkook, im good” you sigh, and he doesn’t miss the slight irritation in your voice.

“Good….. that's, good” it falls silent between you both and Jungkook lingers around, staring at your side profile as you type away on your phone. He doesn’t know why he stays around for longer but he talks again, to get the conversation going.

“I was thinking about what you said last time…” he trails off, he wasn’t lying he was thinking about the last conversation you both had, but he didn’t mean to tell because he has no idea where he is going with this.

“Okay,” you respond, eyes trained on your phone as if you didn’t believe him.

“So…yeah” he concludes, sighing deeply when he fails you yet again.

“What did I say last time?” you ask, putting your phone back into your purse.

“I don’t remember saying much for you to think about,” you chuckle, crossing your arms, mirroring him.

“Im sorry,” he swallows and he watches your face break out into an amusing one, scoffing lightly.

“Ok” you blink, and Jungkook’s eyes almost tear up from frustration. He’s good at reading people, and he’s taking your disinterest in this conversation badly. He really knows he’s fucked up, beyond repair.

“Well if you don’t know what you want still,” you pull out your phone, “I’ll be on my way”.

“How are you getting home?” he asks in panic, he needs to have this conversation with you.

“Uber.”

“Let me take you, we can stop by and grab some burgers from-”

“Jungkook,” you sigh defeatedly. Raising an accusatory finger up at his chest you step closer.

“I don't have time for you anymore, you’ve wasted my time over and over again and Im tired of this back and forth between us. You made it very clear you don't want me like that, and I’ve learned to accept it. But you keep hanging on to me, you keep….keep– hurting me.” You whisper the last part and that has Jungkook grabbing your wrist.

“That’s not it, I do want you ‘....’” he sighs and his eyes are teary now, watching you trying to wiggle away from his grip on you.

“You never let me finish talking, there's so much I want to tell you” he sighs, you wipe your tears with your sleeve, pliant in his hold now.

“My intentions were never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you suffer. I struggled at first, and then you got into a relationship, and now you’re single, I had and still have to respect that.” He takes in a deep breath.

“You wanna know why I broke up with Yoongi Jungkook, you want to know why I’ve left possibly one of the most loving people I’ve met in my life……hmm?” you press, jabbing your finger into his chest and Jungkook stumbles back.

“Because I was in love with a coward! a stupid fucking coward, who couldn't confess back to me all because he wanted to keep fucking around” you yell, voice breaking out at the end, and his fucking heart aches.

Aches cause it’s now that it really hits him how much he has hurt you. 

He never intended that, ever.

Fuck.

“‘…’ I-” he says your name but you scoff sharply, chuckling but no humour is found in your tone.

“I thought loving you was supposed to be the best thing ever, but all it’s done is hurt me and I guess it’s my fault for springing my feelings onto a man that doesn’t want them,” you sniff, a weakened smile on your exhausted face and Jungkook breaks.

He grabs your arms to wrap around him, hard tears falling off his own eyes when you bury your head into his chest. It’s like letting a dam go, all this time he’s been keeping you at arm's length for what? Because he’s scared? Scared of committing, scared of disappointing you.

Scared, Scared, Scared.

What a coward.

What a coward Jungkook is.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry baby I never wanted to hurt you, it was never supposed to be like this….” he says. And all of a sudden he’s angered, frustrated at you. Why did you have to love him of all people, 

And why did he have to love you back?

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

3 Years Later

Spring is such a love-hate season. You either enjoy the wildlife and plants, or resent them very, very, much. You're in between the two right now, trying to enjoy the beautiful flowers that grow in your garden, and keeping up with your plant shop that has different lilies and sunflowers sprouting, beautifully— you may add. But as you fail to control your sneezing and red eyes, you decide to pop another allergy pill that may do the trick, you think.

You're just glad that the weather isn't so wet and dull, and well on its way into the warmer season and bikini tops. Sighing lightly you manage to finish your watering and inventory for today, deciding to take your lunch around noon, you lock the shop and put up the lunch sign. There’s a cafe that has just opened down the road and you’ve been wanting to check it out for a while, it keeps coming up on your feed and Hoseok has been bugging you to try it out. 

Walking in you take a look around the beautiful shop, it was wooden and green themed, with lots of plants and high ceilings that showcase the sun beaming on the customer's faces. It smelled even more divine as you took in all of the blueberry and raspberry scones on display, chocolate croissants, and the smell of all types of coffee roasts. You are probably the biggest coffee fiend, being able to tell the difference between dark, blonde, and regular roast coffee. It was a gift, but it was also the skills that come along with being an addict.

The man in front smiles at you, “What can I get for you?” he asks and you can't help but beam, ordering every flavour of scones and a matcha latte, your heart already full of happiness from the beautiful array of desserts, making sure to snap a picture at one of the tables and sending it to Hoseok and your mom.

You enjoy your little scones and latte, getting up to grab some napkins at the register-

“Hyung it’s been a while,” you hear the barista address the man at the counter, with a mouth full of the blueberry scone and napkins midway to wiping your lips you take a glance at who he is addressing.

No-

You chuckle lightly to yourself, blinking a couple of times to confirm the face you see and it's more than enough evidence when he speaks, ordering two drinks.

Fuck

You quickly swallow the scone, moving back to your seat and accidentally make eye contact with him on the way of you rush out. You see a flash of recognition twinkle in his eyes yet you fleet fast, and far away back into your shop, basically running down the block like a mad woman.

You don't know why you reacted that way. Maybe it was because you haven't seen him in so long or maybe it was the woman that he had tucked in between him and his arms, a fond smile on his face as he regards her, ordering drinks for the two.

Your heart starts to clench uncomfortably, the night you last saw him replying in your mind.

“I think it’ll be best for the both of us to go our separate ways, Jungkook” You smiled sadly, unravelling from his embrace. You saw the stain on Jungkook’s shirt, salty tears from you seeping onto his skin.

“You should learn to love someone the right way, and when you find that person I hope you’ll treat them the way I would've liked to be treated,” You say, watching the Uber arrive. You reached up on your tiptoes to leave a kiss on his cheek, one that prolonged longer than it needed to and Jungkook can feel the depth of it in his soul, in his heart….slicing through it.

“I will, ‘...’ I will baby,” he swallowed.

That was how you both had ended things over three years ago, you finally grew the balls to  block him on all social media, his number, and his face from your mind years ago…. until today. You know you’ve moved on. You have, you have moved into the city finally, opened up your little floral shop with whatever savings you’d have left and fled your boring office job. You loved life, you loved being alone and cropping all day long. 

You had developed a new routine, new habits, new crushes, new experiences, new feelings, new friends, and most importantly a new mechanic in all those three years alone. Technically Jimin wasn’t new but you both had gotten closer, common interests and the building you both had lived in had brought you both together. He has become one of the most important people in your life today, and rather than bombarding you with everything that went down with his buddy, he has managed to successfully divert you from the pain. And it was like you didn’t know a Jeon Jungkook. 

He had disappeared from the face of the earth because you had forced yourself to forget his existence, and it worked. Until today, until you had to see him today so happy with his girlfriend. Although that makes you happy that he has found someone, that he has matured enough to develop a relationship like that, the feeling had a bittersweet taste on your tongue.

—

“Don’t bring any more pies because I currently have like five of them sitting on my kitchen counter, I beg,” Namjoon complains through the phone. 

You chuckle, carefully placing the blueberry pie onto your lap on the passenger seat, “Well that’s what happens when you host a dinner party, Jimin and I are gonna be there in 20 minutes,” you make a kissy sound into the phone before putting it down.

“I bet he doesn’t have a blueberry pie yet,” Jimin chuckles, reversing out of the parking spot and you shrug.

“He said there’s already five pies, three out of those five are probably apple, and the other two are pumpkin” You shrug and Jimin chuckles at your blurt.

“Perhaps,” he says. A frown settles deep onto his face while he drives and you notice it but don't say anything, humming along to the radio.

“I would much rather ditch this for a movie and a greasy burger,” Jimin winks and you roll your eyes.

“Hey, we can’t be rude he prepared dinner and plus I thought it would be nice for us to interact and make new friends.” You pout and Jimin chuckles, a little nervously but you brush it off.

“Okayyyy…. But if you change your mind just let me know we still got a block left” and you giggle slapping his arms playfully.

—

Well fuck….

Grabbing Jimin’s arms before he can zoom past you and into the living room, you hiss into his ear, “Why is he here?” you say interrogatively, and Jimin blushes lightly, wincing from the hold you have on his ear.

“Fuck, im sorry ‘..’ I tried to get you to bail,” he shrugs and you huff, taking your heels off as you scramble past him to greet Namjoon.

Jungkook and his partner are here and you do your absolute best to not get their attention in the huge living room Namjoon has, constantly keeping yourself ten feet away you think you're successful until Namjoon asks, “Oh have you met Jungkook and his fiance?” he pulls you towards them.

The air is knocked out of you as you hear the word fiance, but you collect yourself, your heart weirdly clenching as you make eye contact with them. Namjoon introduces you both and you shake her hand, watching as the beautiful petite woman shyly greets you and makes conversation. You have half a mind to nod and answer vaguely, eyes roaming her small face, plump lips, red hair, dress tightly fitted around her hips and waist perfectly. 

“Nice to meet you kyomo” you tightly smile, you can feel the obvious gaze of Jungkook eyes on your face so you turn and greet him as well.

“Jeon,” you nod, and he pronounces your name back.

Namjoon looks between you both, your hand sliding into his smooth one softly as he shakes it slowly. He seems to never look away and you find yourself not being able to do the same.

His hair is short now, and his lips sport a silver ring. He’s wearing a plain black shirt and slacks that make him look mature and put together. You think you can smell his signature cologne on him still, strong and musky, yet soft and gentle just like his face. He’s bigger, broader than you remember and he still has brown doe eyes that expand and sparkle, you always loved to say he wore his emotions in his eyes. You could always just tell from them.

“It’s been a while, how are you?” He asks and you slide your hand from him, taking a step back, glancing away.

“Good, I'm gonna go find Jimin Joon, enjoy your night guys,” You're quick to retreat out of the situation, heading right for the bathroom upstairs and turning on the water. Your lips tremble slightly and your eyes are welled up with tears, why? You don’t know because you have been over him for years now.

You can’t breathe, and you can’t seem to shake away the painful ache in your heart that seems to beat faster and harder just thinking about him now, him getting married, him getting mature, him moving on from you so fast.

He’s getting married, Jungkook is getting married.

“You in here,” you hear your name being called from the other side of the bathroom door, you open it immediately getting pulled into an embrace. Jimin’s arms wrap around your frame as you quietly sob into his shoulder, he knows. He doesn’t ask because he knows.

They always said distance made the heart grow fonder, but you just think that your heart likes to set you up for the worst.

—

The party goes on, roasted dinner praised by everyone and you watch as Joon blushes, telling everyone to keep their voice down. Once finished, everyone heads over to the patio for some drinks and desserts. You offer to clean up, and after much protest Namjoon lets you, and you pat his back in appreciation.

 “You already did so much tonight it’s the least I could do.”

Gathering the dishes and throwing out plastic utensils and cups you manage to clear the dining table, you look through the cabinets for a pair of gloves to get started on the dishes, rummaging through cupboards and cupboards.

“I think he keeps them above the stove,” You recognize that voice, and you muster a tight-lipped smile, reaching up to grab it but failing to do so with how high it is.

“Here,” he offers, coming up behind you to open the cupboard and grab them. You shut your eyes tightly and manage a calm facade when he hands it to you, thanking him with a mumble before you put them on.

“You gonna need help?” he asks after a moment of you gathering dishes. Help would be nice, but you wouldn't prefer it from him.

“Nah im good, thanks” you smile, getting to work.

Jungkook chuckles, grabbing a pair of gloves for himself, “Scoot over, I'm helping” he says and you momentarily meet his gaze and look away without a word as he helps you soak and put dishes into the dishwasher.

It’s quiet for a while, successfully cleaning the dishes and loading the bigger pots in the dishwasher.  

Jungkook’s staring again, a little awkward so you speak up.

“How long have you been together?” you ask, and you can see Jungkook visibly stiffen.

“Over 2 years now,” he says, and you nod. You make a move to wipe the tables and Jungkook’s coming to help you again.

“I think I’ve got this, you can go and join everyone outside” You turn around abruptly, stopping him in his tracks. 

“I thought we could catch up,” he smiles. And you almost scoff out loud, whether you're bitter because of Jungkook’s marriage announcement or the fact that he has the audacity to try and keep things natural between the two of you as if he didn’t break your heart in two….

Maybe the latter but it still hurts. And all of a sudden everything feels fresh like he just left you a day ago, broke you a day ago. 

There’s a reason why you both didn’t work out? Was it because of Jungkook incapabilities to communicate or his lack of feelings for you? You don’t know but one thing you do know is that Jungkook never really loved you like he said he did if he wasn’t able to work on his problems for you. 

Jungkook never loved you enough 

Enough enough enough 

You weren’t enough for him and the thought has bile rising up your stomach. It has your heart skipping beats and incredible hurt seizing through you. 

You were never enough.

“There’s nothing much to catch up on really, I-”

“I’m sorry for the way things ended,” he sighs, your name slipping past his tongue so tiredly.

“Look, can we just look past this and- and be friends again?” he’s hopeful, he looks hopeful. His eyes are tender and his body language screams frustration.

Perhaps

“Of course” You reach a hand out to him, he’s smiling, putting his bigger hand with yours for a handshake. You feel….okay. This feels okay now, your heart doesn’t feel like it’s ripping in two and for once you're not reminiscing about the past. 

Your content, you’ve moved on.

“Let’s work on our friendship this new year, let’s not look back anymore Jungkook,” you say and Jungkook nods eagerly. 

“I agree.” 

There was no hatred, no passive tone, no hidden anger or jealousy in your words. You truly meant it, and you hope he understands.

“Baby, are you coming?” Kyomo calls and Jungkook’s eyes leave your face to his fiancés on the patio. His beautiful wife stands, reaching a hand out for him to grab. He looks back at you, but you encourage him with one last nod and divert your attention back to the counter.

“Yeah, yeah I am….” he trails off, you think you see him send a small smile your way before he goes out but you don’t care anymore. 

You're just happy you're free now.

[sublimecatgalaxy]

hi again, my queen <3 wanted to come before you + beg for some broken neck reader + rafe again. This time, her getting the brace off + having atrophied muscles, maybe some PT appointments, all the things. Rafe is cuddly and sweet but the banter shines through. I love the little universe you created with them + it has brought me tons of comfort over the last few weeks as I've healed from my accident + death with chronic illness. I love you!

Yes bestie, here's a bunch of mini blurbs for you and your ailments. Much love sent to you, we're in the same boat❤️ This is like a few blurbs put together into moments that Rafe and the reader shared :)

"Okay so you might feel some muscle weakness and some nausea. It's perfectly normal to feel woozy after having a brace on for this long." The doctor maintains supportive eye contact with me, reaching out to slip her hand into mine as Rafe stands over me, a firm hand on my shoulder. "I just need you to hold you handsome man's hand and take a breath." She smiles and I try my best to crane my neck to look back up at Rafe and he gives me a soft smile, running a hand over the top of my head.

"This is for the best, sweetheart." He whispers, leaning down to press a kiss to my forehead, putting the last nail of the coffin of my anxiety and I take a deep breath, looking to the doctor with a look of readiness. "Remember to keep breathing."

"I'm breathing, dammit." I chuckle, taking a few dramatic, exasperated breaths.

"Okay, on three." The doctor says, hands already pulling at the velcro on my brace, giving it a gentle tug for good measure.

I give her a nod, biting my tongue to prevent saying how much I desperately want to just stop and live in the brace forever instead of feeling how I would feel without it. It's given me a sense of balance, a sense of comfort though completely ruining my muscles and strength.

The doctor slowly but surely unstraps the brace, giving me a moment to catch my breath that seems to be running from my lungs before pulling the brace completely away from my neck, leaving me feel like a bobblehead.

"How do you feel?" The doctor asks but it takes a second for me to register her question when all I feel is my head, ten times heavier than it was before.

"Naked, sore." The two of them chuckle at my analogy but it's the closer thing I can think of to describe how it feels to not have anything holding my head up after such a traumatic injury.

"That's perfectly normal. Try to move your neck around a bit, not too much though." The doctor keeps a hand next to my head, brushing against my cheek as I roll my head around the axis of my neck. "How does it feel?"

"Really weak. Weaker than I thought." I huff, taking a deep breath as my head spins and my eyes shut out of pure instinct.

"You feelin' okay? You look green?" Rafe asks, kneeling down beside me with a hand on my thigh, pulling my gaze from behind my eyelids to his handsome face and I feel myself getting more and more nauseous.

"Vertigo like symptoms are common after getting a brace off." The doctor sits down beside me, placing a hand on my back, rubbing it gently and I take the time to lean forward, resting my heavy head in my hands. "Take it easy, rest, do what you can."

"She's in good hands, doc." Rafe promises, leaning up to press a kiss to my cheek.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"It's too much." I mutter, rolling my neck calculatedly but it hurts too bad, my eyes squeezing shut, frustrated from the pain.

"Okay, then lets take a break." Rafe offers, looking to the physical therapist with frantic eyes. I lean into the hand that's resting on my shoulder, looking up at my PT with tired eyes.

"I don't want to take a break, I want to feel better." I huff, frustrated tears filling my eyes and Rafe kneels down beside me, hand resting on my thigh.

"Hey." Rafe whispers, getting my attention with a gentle hand on my cheek. "Can we get a second alone?"

"Sure, let me know when you're ready to get back on it or if you wanna be done for the day." The PT reaches out to pat my shoulder soothingly, giving me a sad smile before she steps out, leaving Rafe and I alone.

"What's got you so freaked?" He asks, rubbing my cheekbone with a gentle look in his eyes, his small comforting smile soothing some of my anxiety that's rumbling in my belly.

"I just feel weak and I'm frustrated. I just want to feel better." Rafe takes me into his arms the minute that the tears come spilling from my eyes and I tuck my face into the crook of his neck, finger fisting the material of his soft polo shirt.

"And you will, you're doing so much already." He whispers, rubbing my back soothingly. "You need to give yourself time. You're still healing." His words are true and I hear them-I believe them- but there's only so long that someone can give everything they have and not get anything in return.

"I know, I just-"

"What do you want to do? Be done or keep going." He asks and I pause, biting at my lip as the thought of going home and cuddling with Rafe in bed pops into my mind but I know it's not the right thing to do.

"Keep going." Rafe gives me a bright, proud smile with a firm nod, leaning up to kiss me firmly and I can feel the pride radiating from him, acknowledging my strength but also my frustration.

"Atta girl."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Do you need anything?" Rafe asks from the door, shifting awkwardly from his weight between feet and I prop myself up on my elbows, patting the bed.

"You." I call out but he continues to speak right through my request.

"Like a water or anything? Food?"

"You!" I laugh, finally grabbing his attention and he smiles softly, almost embarrassingly so, and I chuckle, loving the way he's on the bed almost immediately.

"That's it?" He asks with a surprised smile, leaning back into the bed beside me and I do the same, instead laying myself almost down on him completely as his hand comes up to massage my neck gently, knowing how much I've been struggling with it still. "That's easy enough."

"You're a good nurse." I pat his chest before slipping my hand beneath his shirt to rest on his bare chest, loving the way his skin feels beneath mine.

"You're kind of an easy patient." He teases, looking down at me with a wink and I gasp, feigning offense.

"Kind of?"

"You bitch a lot." He chuckles, patting my back but I sit up, looking at him with wide eyes, surprised that he would joke about this after weeks of being worried that I was too much on him and I've been wondering if he's needed a break- worried that he's been overworking himself on my behalf.

"Rafe Cameron!" I hiss, reaching out to slap his chest but he scoffs, giving me a simple shrug.

"What? I'm honest!"

"For that, you should go buy me food." I huff and he looks at me with wide eyes, almost asking me 'are you serious right now?' but when I give him a stern nod, he just scoffs and rolls off of the bed dramatically.

"Food- where do you expect me to get food an nearly midnight?" He asks, checking his phone and I giggle, tapping my finger on my chin as I think dramatically, forcing a loud groan from Rafe as if he actually thinks that I'm going to want to be without him any longer than I have to be.

"I don't know Nurse Rafe but you're gonna learn I can be way more bitchy if I'm actually trying." I threaten with a sweet smile and his face pales.

"Fine, I'll get you something from the kitchen." He chuckles, taking my hand in his and he presses a fat kiss to the back of my hand. "I love you."