#but ive also had the issue of ive not been diagnosed properly with things i do have as well as the main neurodivergence but

[puppyie-innit]

about me :0

i am a child of God an a Christian, i am no longer afraid or hesitant to speak out about Him and say wat/who i believe in

my pronouns are she/her an m a little girl

pinky promises are the ultimate form of trust for me

i wholeheartedly 1000000% believe m a child

..i didnt hav a childhood

i rarely ever can properly answer the question “how old are you?” “yur __ yeh?” like i dunnoooo

i hate, with all my heart, disappointin people/makin em mad ;<

i am so young, my mind an heart is too. “aawh, yur like a little kid!,” is the best compliment you can give me

i don’t think like the rest of the world, my mind is filled with innocence an therefore i am innocent.

i don’t understand the word “ love,” but i feel it in my own wholesome way.

im opposed to/feel icky towards profanity, unhealthy romance, sexual stuff, an curse words, it triggers in me a dark kind of trauma

my heart is full of love, love to give, but i don’t believe i deserve it in return…

my favwrite color is RED!

if i like you, i WILL hug you!

if i love you, i will hug you even MORE, follow you everywhere, jump up and down, an wag my tail around you!!

i never understood the reason behind hygiene, so be prepared for lots of dirt, hehe :D

..ive never had or taken a baf before

if you want to make me happy, call me a good girl/puppy/kid

if i trust you, ill open up my heart around you. ill let you see the bad parts of me that i never let anyone get ahold of.

..i don’t think i deserve anythin good, but ill cling onto every good thing you hav to offer

oh yeh, m very clingy to

..an i get jealous easily

an i say m positive but m actually a rlly negative person…

i hold onto things that bother me, an don’t let em go

I don’t forget anythin.

i forgiv easily!

i look for the good in people, regardless if they hurt me or not

people say m loyal, i try my best to make it true

i hav clinical depression an anxiety, to the point where i wanna giv up often…

m a hard worker, an only take breaks when all my work is done, it doesn’t feel right otherwise

if i see you more than once a day i feel off, why would i deserve to see you more than one time?

i physically, genuinely, can’t say the t-word

i am naturally a ler, my bwain is a lee. >\\\<

i am NOT t-wordish at all defintwly not nupe!

..except when it comes to this idiot @jogabsha @jogabsha2

..my most sensitive spot is my tummy

i hav diagnosed autism, specifically azbergers

oh yeh, i also can’t spell…

sugar gets me HYPER

i rarely get sleep due to insomnia, but i rest sometimes

i believe m fat despite people tellin me m skinny an thin an the “perfect weight.”

i struggle to eat, often only consumin 1-2 small meals a day.

i study the calories of everythin

my love language is physical touch, i will love you if you love me like this

i hav abandonment issues an hav lost many frens, mostly due to bullyin

i over-apologize for stuff that isn’t even my fault, profusely

m a sad person but also a happy person? it depends on if m slipped or not.. which is usually all the time. i sad slip tho too

m VERYYY sensitive, an wear my heart on my sleeve

i get panic attacks frequently

i cry a lot, an hav heavy eye bags

ive been told m a open book an very transparent

my favorite youtuber is tommyinnit, hence the username

i will do anythin an everythin for my big bruder!

[thechronicpaingame]

Saw my rheumatologist today (just 2 years late) 🙃 went as about expected. I have no idea why after all these years they still look out for joint involvement when I've never had joint issues. Even in my big old flares Ive never had joint involvement. The current swelling (right above my knee) is consistent with my flares however. She said she could feel a bursa there but no proper fluid.

Being referred to cardio for potential POTS (I knew this already but be nice to have it properly diagnosed even tho I can't take beta blockers because I have asthma so like, what else is there).

She thinks I'm having vertigo episodes, so to an ENT also. (I still think this could be a POTS thing maybe).

Bloods done, but I don't predict anything showing up (par for the course huh).

Blamed a lot on my fibro (but my fibro differs to what others experience of it is, I think it's likely more like ME). But whatever it is, something is progressively getting worse (and these things aren't degenerative so like, what is it).

She's concerned about the weight loss (over 2 stone in the last 6-12 months for no reason 🤷🏻‍♀️). Haven't been this low weight numbers wise since like 2013.

Can't believe I'm like 15 years into this and there's still no real answers to any questions. (I've had poor health since being a kid, many polyarteritis nodosa flares) but the chronic every day stuff is 15 years. Overdue a big one.

I try to stay as positive as I can but on days like today it's hard.

[unculturedswine69]

Introduction! (2024)☆

Its about time to re introduce myself, since i made my first introduction post in 2021,ive been editing it as ive been going along but honestly i would just feel better making a new one now!

First of all, if you want links to accounts on other websites,or you wanted more info on commissions, OR you just wanna see a full list of my interests...Click on my carrd link! (bottom of the post)

Intro starts NOW!☆

AGE: 19 (8th may)

NAME: Ali, Paris, Sheetz, honestly you can just call me whatever! But Ali is preferred these days :)

PRONOUNS: He/Him + They/them, you can use either of those but currently i prefer He/him!

LIKES: Anime,Manga,Games,Art,Cosplay,Otome games, Etc. to list some things im currently into right now ~ Gintama, The muppets, Jerma985, 18trip, A3! ,Fullmetal alchemist: Brotherhood and Digimon adventure! i rotate my interests around alot, please check out my carrd to see more :)

DISLIKES AND DNI: Proshippers, Racists, Homophobes, anyone like that! i understand you probably wont listen to me anyways but i still want nothing to do with people like that ^^

EXTRA INFORMATION ☆

This is my main blog! ill mostly be spamming random fandom related things, sometimes i might reblog a post that might be a bit nsfw somehow (nothing explicit, just dirty jokes and the like) but i advise minors to be wary!!! i also just want to say that i dont want to be close with minors, we can chat occasionally but i dont think its appropriate to do anything more than that! ^^ and also remember that regardless of your age you should be polite and responsible on the internet! (said by the stupidest person on here (me))

im a digital artist who mainly focuses on my OCs while sometimes drawing Fanart, i also open up Commissions every once in a while,id like to do this as an actual job sometime in the future instead of just doing it for fun!

i love to discuss art with others and i also love to hear feedback and and talk about stuff like that in general, art is basically my only hobby so i have alot to talk about ^^ feel free to chat with me about it! i also dont discriminate against beginners or anyone who does art differently from me, so dont be afraid to show off your own art :) everyone is welcome here!

Im neurodivergent, Im diagnosed with Autism! which might not be important to some but for me i have a really hard time talking with others and expressing myself properly so id prefer if people knew that i had difficulty with things first,as to not have any misunderstandings ^^ i hyperfixate on things alot too, and i tend to project all these things onto characters i like.

i have mental health issues, this can mean that sometimes i dont come online for months or it can also mean i will fixate on spamming ,so my activity on this site is a little weird.please dont take me ghosting you personally!! i try to respond to everyone, im just going through some stuff <3

relating to my art and interests: im a oc x canon artist too, i make lots of ocs for my oshis and also self inserts, im OK with doubles (the same goes for Kins too!)

OH ALSO. im super bad at spelling and grammar and all that . sorry if it gives you a hard time when your reading through my stuff </333333

tldr: im just a silly guy on the internet, feel free to come chat with me! i love making friends!!!

My art account is @sheetzking its a little empty right now, but ill be uploading alot soon~☆

Thank you for reading my new intro!

[fagcrisis]

tell me if this is stupid im just thinking out loud but i kind of feel like recently like i have. less adhd than people who dont have adhd? like. ive had adhd all my life i was diagnosed as a kid i took meds i know i got it from my dad. this does also mean that ive learned how to handle it properly and its definitely incredibly debilitating in a lot of aspects, for example i have severe memory issues, and i struggle with menial tasks and emotional regulation. this is a genuinely disabling mental issue in my life, that made it impossible for me to pursue higher education or find a well paying job even before i had post covid syndrome

HOWEVER. like the actual attention deficit part? i know a ton of ppl who arent like. diagnosed w adhd nor have they self diagnosed bc they dont exhibit many of the symptoms but they cant read books (self reported i havent like, divined this fact from the ether), they struggle to pay attention at school or work and they take out their phones in the middle of conversation way more often than i do

and also peoples reports online about their own lack of attention also differs from the way i experience it? this bit is harder to explain but i dont really jitter and my attention doesnt wander, its more like i have 7 things i want to do at once and i cant stop the urge to switch between them constantly. also a way bigger issue in my life is that i frequently fixate on things for hours at a time and cannot be arsed to care about anything else

ive definitely read things about how adhd probably should not be called that but its been more. obvious isnt the right word like, apparent? to me recently that thats the case

[nerdygaymormon]

Im keeping this on anon because I-I... Well, you'll see.

I've been working on my issues for a while; getting diagnosed properly, working through trauma, and being kinder to myself. And I just... Discovered a huge issue with how I was raised regarding sex.

I was raised Mormon and raised to be sexy but sexless. I had to conform to male ideals of how a woman should look, which was sexy, but if I ever implied anything but being a stalwart virgin I'd be shamed... Or worse.

This has led to two horrific things in my life:

The first one is that I realized I've been fantasizing about being raped since I started puberty as a young child, that being the only 'acceptable' way to have sex without being damned. Ive had a high libido my whole puberty and post puberty life, but no one ever taught me how to care for those urges. Ever. And its intensely horrific that a young child would yearn for sexual violence.

The second is when my parents caught me looking at pornography. It wasnt even porn, it was erotic content, but it was enough they took *every* possible device in my name, cutting off every avenue of communication, and confined me to the house for weeks and started talking about forcing me into rehab for my 'addiction'. The truth was I had absolutely no way to manage my high libido and no one that would help, so I turned to the thing I thought I could hide. I had to essentially escape to the neighbors, claim abuse, and then after months of consulting with my psychiatrist, a psychologist, and two bishops my parents stopped controlling my life (and instead are trying to 'good advice' me into controlling my life anyways)

Over mild erotic imagery.

I already know I need to leave the house and make my parents as minimally involved in my life as possible, and I'm also going to have to wipe my records from the Church to keep them from trying to stalk me. While theyve let me have control, theyre always breathing down my neck and trying to 'drag me back' into the Church... When it was the Church that caused all of these problems in the first place. This is severe sexual and religious trauma and I know I need to leave, but I cant drive, I cant afford a place to live, and if I wipe my records now my parents will get far worse.

Its okay if you don't answer this ask, a-and if youre willing to talk to me in private refer to me as the Barbie Anon and I'll reveal myself, but I need help. Where can I go?

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. You're in a tough situation.

I'm not an expert on available resources beyond some national help lines for things like suicide. Actual resources are usually available through your state or city, or from local non-profits. You could try contacting The Trevor Project and asking one of their counselors if they could point you towards resources that could help you leave your home. If you're in Utah, perhaps you could contact the Encircle House near you and see what they can suggest.

I know when it feels like you're stuck in a situation you can't get out of, it feels like this will never end. Please know that life gets better. As we get older, get a job, go to college, go to counseling, get some benefits & assistance, and so on, we get more control over our life and we get to make changes.

Good luck! Wishing you the best!

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

the anon who doesnt have aspd and taught myself empathy again here! i've never talked to a psych (self diagnosed autism) and as a teen i was p sure i had aspd (i Knew shit was strange w me and really wanted an explanation and once i figured out my mix of trauma and autism things made sense) coz lack of remorse and shit but i never actually really matched the rest of it -- i dont have substance abuse issues and never have, im p easily entertained, i've had the same three friends basically my entire life. i do though describe myself as the worlds most boring hedonist coz like yeah i sometimes have a hard time controlling my impulses and im motivated by fun but for me thats usually p simple -- easily entertained. read a book, video games, jump around to music. i AM frequently bored though?? like its my most frequent emotion and ive spent a Long time learning to cultivate my joy and really feel it properly. but im also the most easily excitable person i know. i dunno, i have v large emotions that appear then disappear quite quickly. a favourire hobby of mine since i was a kid has been to start arguments between the ppl i care abt and see how large i could make them in a single session then solve the argument w/o the ppl realising i'd manufactured and egged on the argument. which typing that out now seems uh. an interesting hobby. but late last year i told my younger brother and he laughed coz its a v me thing to do and was like "yo thats fucked. pls stop doing it to me" so since then ive mainly tried to just like playfully tease ppl in a normal way coz cognitively i understand its a fucked thing to do and im trynna be like, a decent person who doesnt go outta my way to play w ppl for funsies. which yeah that uh... maybe i Should look into aspd more again, i did a fairly shallow look into it as a teen and relating to azula as much as i did as a kid (and izaya as an older teen/young adult) was deff a sign of smth

i've followed you on this blog for a while (i think you'd only had it for a couple weeks when i first followed u?) so yeah i did know the story abt u and ur fiance! v cute

i feel like maybe we need a different identifier than "the anon who doesnt have aspd" because that might not be, uh. accurate! i have o clue why a lot of people with aspd seem to congregate around my account but i guess this is an aspd helpline now??????? whuh????

like im not complaining its just. how did i get here

also i think ive deadass used the "worlds most boring hedonist" descriptor for myself before and i deal w chronic boredom the same way you do- i have a LOT of hobbies and i plan elaborate projects and that entertains me but only temporarily

and thats the thing about aspd! it- like every other disorder- is a spectrum. you might not have substance abuse issues, and i do. you did.... your interesting hobby, and i find it morally fucked!* i have no idea your relationship with criminality, and i got fired for stealing

*i have done something similar but i have a moral policy of like, only fucking with people who Deserve It. who deserves what varies case by case and what exactly i do... i need to explain weird spiritual stuff to go in depth andyeah im not really itchin to be called crazy on tumblr dot cum

aspd in general is very misunderstood and no literature really focuses on what its like to have the disorder, only the perceived damage being around someone with the disorder will bring- which is why i initially self diagnosed thru tumblr posts from ppl talking about their symptoms in a serious educative way

sometimes i think like, maybe i don't have aspd, maybe i'm just autistic and i'm spreading misinformation- but i never really felt "at home" with other autistic people. its like- yeah i click better with other autistic people, but i'm still masking, i'm still faking, and even in this situation i can drop the mask partially but not fully. growing up with a personality disorder and trauma in communities largely filled with autistic people with trauma, very quickly teaches you that there's something different about you. it's an isolating, traumatizing feeling- my experience with this was mainly symptoms of npd, but like.... knowing you have a problem, wanting it fixed, and knowing nobody around you knows how deep the problem runs, and might even find its existence laughable or dangerous... it's isolating! and its shitty!!

generally i tend to Know if things i'm doing are bad or not, i just tend to not care in the moment, because it's better than being bored! entertainment wins out over everything. it's actually kind of terrible; i'll do stuff just to see a reaction out of people- it's like izaya, honestly, what happens when people are pushed to their breaking points?

thats kind of how i got so much into angst and psychological horror. not only did i want to break the characters, i wanted to break my audience. i'd tell my friends detailed stories about torture partly because i was interested in my story, mostly because i wanted to see their horrified reactions. i wanted to see how far was "too far," and i keep that stuff in my current narratives- i keep the pov extremely tight and do silly little tricks with narrative and formatting to make the audience feel like they're Really There

so yeah look into aspd. do it boy listen to me im the ps5 im speaking to you inside your brain. do it boy do it

[dani-the-toad]

1,7,22 gender asks

How did you choose your name?

the most cringe way possible! back in time when i was like 8/9ish i played pokemon mystery dungeon explorers of sky. i named the squirtle i played as danichi and then i started using that as part of my online persona and oc names for the various rps i was part of. the most popular character was actually danichi tochira assf who is webcomic famous lmao. it eventually changed to just dani when i was still they/them and eventually daniel toad when i became he/him and neopronouns!

What is your favorite part of being transgender?

ohhhhh so much actually, whoever said being trans is suffering is a dumb bitch because i have never been happier than when i figured out that im just a little dude. my favorite part is probably the confidence it gave me, i used to hate myself so deeply and that started changing so much when i started playing with my gender. now i can say im the sexiest man alive and actually believe myself, now i feel like me outside of cosplay, idk i just feel like myself more often than not. i still have major disconnects with myself but thats a different issue entirely that im still working on

Do your neurodivergencies and/or disabilities affect your gender?

very much so tbh. i feel very disconnected from my humanity (most likely caused by the mental illness) and thats very much influenced how i identify in general, im catgender! im boy leaninf yeah but in the cat sort of way. i use neopronouns because they help me identify myself a little better, even if im the only one who uses them (and thats fine!) but the way my brain works just really changed how i viewed my gender overtime, i used to be a fuckin truscum and then i realized thats stupid, transphobic cis people wouldnt accept me even if i was a “”normal”” trans person so why not make them fear me why not have fun with my gender why not be a stupid little rabid cat!!!

thanks for sending the ask!! i have a lot of gender feelings especially because its been changing overtime and only becoming worse LMAO i should link my pronouny somewhere to show off how many pronouns i collected tho

[albatris]

ik this is probably an inappropriate question to ask but i deal with stpd and just recently discovered this. Previously thought it was just depression/anxiety but ive been on like 7 antidepressants/2 of which were more geared towards anxiety. I was wondering if you take any meds or have any advice you might recommend. Id really appreciate it. Im running out of ideas lol.( Sorry to bother and thank you)

nah you’re all good, I don’t have any problem with questions like this n I’m happy to share any experiences of mine that people might find useful!! though in this case idk how much help I’ll be, sorry D:

mostly about meds but my bad for goin on a whole ramble in the middle about therapy?? I talk a lot and have trouble staying on topic

'cause meds n therapy both have been useful to me but both probably would've been pretty useless without the other

under cut for personal rambles

so I was in the same boat as you for several years, I was in treatment for depression and anxiety and then borderline later on, way way way before anyone landed on schizotypal

as such I’ve been obviously dealing with stpd symptoms for basically my whole life but I only got diagnosed early last year n it’s the first time I’ve been. like. actually in any sort of therapy that addresses it properly and I’m still getting a feel for it

in terms of meds, I’ve been on a whole slew of different antidepressants, didn’t find one that worked until I was maybe 18 or 19? so I’ve been on the highest dose mirtazapine since then....... helps with that kinda baseline anxiety background hum, helps with obsessions and guilt spirals..... I didn’t think it did much for depression until I tried coming off it??

like, it gave me a slight boost in terms of energy and motivation, not a huge one, but definitely noticeable once it was gone

but yeah, it was kinda..... yeah, this med is about as helpful as I’m gonna get, so I decided to stick with it. I recently have considered coming off it ‘cause the sedation was a nightmare, but that’s on hold for the time being

I’ve been on two different antipsychotics, first quetiapine, which did absolutely nothing and was even more sedating on top of the mirtazapine, and currently I’m starting on aripiprazole. still on a super low dose, but working up to something that will hopefully ease some psychotic symptoms. side effects of insomnia and nausea but eased off mostly after the first week

but yeah, I haven’t really had much experience with antipsychotics or how helpful they are yet, atm I’m gonna wait and see whether there’s any real positive effects

but meds are super hard to give advice about, ‘cause different ones work for different folks, what works for me might not for you, what works for you might be something I tried and hated, etc etc etc, y’know

honestly the most helpful thing for me has been therapy, I’ve pretty much been in therapy since I was like 5 and I’ve done a lot of it

meds might be helpful to some people on their own but for me I think they would have been mainly useless without some form of therapy

meds kinda helped with some of the “edges” ie, the resulting depression and anxiety of the personality disorder, hopefully will help with some psychotic symptoms too, therapy has also helped with some of these issues on the edges, and I’m currently addressing some of the more specifically schizotypal core issues, although I will likely have to continue doing the work on those issues for most of my life

if you have a good doctor who listens to you, if you want to continue trying out meds then you might still find one that helps you out! I don’t really have a lot of advice here, because the effects can be so different from person to person. but I’ve found that meds only help on a really small scale, they kind of take a little bit of the weight off but it’s still a whole lot of heavy lifting on my own

so therapy was real good for some of that stuff too, skills for easing some of the load. therapy for me involved Other People, but for others it could involve other resources, such as online workbooks n that kind of thing....... ‘cause I know personally for me I fuckin HATE meeting new people and having to bare my soul for them, so therapy gets. interesting

and I know therapy is not realistic for some folks (and also not what this question was about but I’m just rambling now)

n I know especially that that shit gets fucking HARD when any sort of psychosis and paranoia is involved, in terms of stpd, I flat out refused to speak about certain symptoms with professionals due to paranoia and fear, and had a lot of issues trying to come into a therapy environment and immediately having complete strangers be like “ok tell me about what’s up”

like, no???? fuck off?? I don’t even know you??

n until recently all my therapies where only tangentially useful as a schizotypal, like, I did a bunch of social anxiety stuff which helped with some of the surface level day-to-day social anxiety (not so much the more deep-seated stpd social anxiety, that whole “it gets worse the closer you get to people” type, very fun), I did a lot of work around depression and suicidal urges and goals and meaningful living and whatnot, I did DBT which also encompassed a lot of work on interpersonal skills and handling dissociation and paranoia

n like. some of it was helpful? none of it got to the core of the issue or addressed what I really needed to address

I got super lucky with my current psychiatrist in that she was someone I already knew for around a year and a half beforehand ‘cause she helped out in my DBT group therapy. so I was able to get a feel for what kind of person she was beforehand and got to find my feet in trusting her in a more distanced context before entering one on one therapy. she also specialises in personality disorders and was the one who actually diagnosed me so it wasn’t like she was like “oh you’re definitely schizotypal, I’m gonna just pan you off to someone more experienced now” which was nice

she’s also the one who’s helping me out with meds currently

but ya, therapy can be A Lot, ‘specially for schizotypals who tend to isolate and get uncomfy in those vulnerable scenarios. in order to make the most out of it I have to practice an extremely uncomfortable sort of “radical openness” which is like..... well, I’ve spent most of my life being miserable and unhappy and feeling trapped and stuck in these patterns, and this has gotten me nowhere, in order for something to change I need to be radically open about my experiences

which gets HARD because the knee-jerk reaction to paranoia and delusions is often to pull back and isolate, and often I’ve struggled with the idea that it’s not “safe” to speak about certain things or that something bad will happen if I do

so it’s difficult, but I have to continually commit myself to being open and placing myself in intensely uncomfortable scenarios, getting used to the idea of trust being An Action, and practicing trust even when I don’t necessarily Feel It

that’s been a really helpful outlook for me and the only thing that’s kept me involved with therapy and meds and treatment. idk if it’ll be useful to others. I also know that some therapists and psychiatrists are shit and being radically open with the wrong people can be a nightmare

but it’s something that applies in my other relationships too and with my relationship to myself, so. *shrug emoji*

but yeah. that’s been what’s helpful for me

meds do a little bit of the work, but honestly I still have to pull a fuckload of the weight on my own, I kinda got to the point with meds where I was just like “ok this is obviously as good as it’s gonna get” and just stuck with it......... which is kind of a bummer of an answer

ik that kinda turned into a whole unrelated ramble in the middle there but I hope this kinda answers a bit of your question maybe or maybe not ‘cause I don’t really know what I’m doing

but also

I hope you have a nice day

[bananonbinary]

if you have any more thoughts on martin having an eating disorder, i'd like to hear em (if u don't/ don't wanna share, that's ok!)

first off: at the risk of tmi, im drawing a little on personal experience and ive never been diagnosed beyond “that’s really not healthy and we need to fix it,” so i dont actually know what disorder this is, specifically.

anyway.

martin does in fact drink a lot of the tea he makes, because it helps to have *something* in his stomach, and he doesnt want people to worry about him not eating. basically any time he feels hungry he’ll go and make himself some tea instead.

he also NEVER eats from communal eating spaces like the office breakroom because if u think his mother didnt yell at him for snacking at home or eating food that wasn’t “his,” you are wrong. he knows that looks weird tho so sometimes when other people are already eating (it’s fine if someone else starts, right?) he’ll give himself permission to grab like a banana he brought from home or something.

he DOES usually eat meals if other people are there to see (which, if hes around they usually are, just cause he doesnt eat well doesnt mean he wont bug everyone else about it), its just like. stuff that he feels its “acceptable” for a fat person to eat in public so its usually a small sandwich or some shit. never takeout or frozen if he can help it, altho he’ll often go for that at home for money reasons.

he used to go through cycles of restriction and binging, but once he started living in the archives he was around other people too much and was pretty much just restricting all the time. this...unfortunately didnt really ever let up, because everything just kept getting worse.

obviously, the whole prentiss situation made things even harder on him. a lot of his go-to food became triggers, so his already poor diet became really unbalanced.

things were actually the worst for him when not!sasha was around, because she (and jon’s breakdowns) made him paranoid that people would KNOW, people would SEE (he’s not even sure what, but they WOULD) and he pretty much didnt eat at all at work.

this fed into all the shit in season 4 because its actually incredibly lonely to constantly be watching other people’s self-care habits and know that no one’s noticed your own. ironically, he had the chance to eat a bit better around then, because no one was around to see, but the constant dissociation just made it easier to ignore so it wasnt really better or worse in the end.

jon kinda noticed all this early on? especially when he was stalking everyone lmao. but like. his own issues with eating properly and his general...everything at the time made him feel like it wasnt really his place to say anything.

by the scottish honeymoon tho he’s been on the receiving end of martin’s caretaking so many times that he basically just copies that to bully martin into actually eating the proper amount. theres kind of a running competition of who can outdo the other with “i made an elaborate meal for the two of us this evening, now you’re OBLIGATED to eat something, you bastard.” also just general turning concern back on the other person. its all very sweet and gay.

jon genuinely finding martin beautiful and lovable and helping him with his self-esteem issues also helps a lot.

its weird, because you’d think trying to tackle a decades-long issue on top of all the other bullshit they’ve been through would make things hard, but Martin is basically having to relearn how to be a person and actually sit in his body again anyway, after the Lonely, so this just feels like the natural time for recovery. when he’s already asking himself “am i sad, am i distressed, am i cold,” its easy enough to add “am i hungry” to his (and jon’s) check-ins.

after the eyepocalypse, they obviously dont need to eat anymore, but jon doesn’t want to undo all martin’s progress and reassures him that he’s always allowed to eat just because he wants to, so he still makes an effort to scrounge up small things as theyre walking. a little package of cookies, a bag of chips, a loaf of bread one time. its not like expiration dates mean anything anymore, and they could both really use the small comfort of pretending to be human for a bit.

[btrsweetnthngs]

The ketamine study end of month 6.

   I've been doing studies on the benefits of ketamine and the beneficial effects it produces in low amounts that actually repair brain damage.  recent studies in patients receiving low doses of ketamine have shown gradual increase of repair on the transmitters that send and receive information in the nurosynapnasis of the brain that were previously damaged. This is helping people that have PTSd, brain damage, have abused saritonin drugs, taken dopamine replacement therapies and have problematic memory lapses. 

I am now a test patient in a study started summer 2019. Previously I had difficulty remembering Appointments, Peoples names, and even how to spell or do simple math. I was suffering from night attacks(ptsd) memory blanks and would glitch(just forget or blank and either start a new one or walk away)  mid conversation. These are all issues I didnt know i was dealing with until a friend started letting me know and I asked my close family and friends and realized it was a regular occurrence for me.    I am diagnosed a the  A dHD however ive never been medicated properly. I have been giving Anti depressants as well as at self medicating with amphetamines and barbiturates. Ive been told by a doctor that I am bi polar or manic, and while doing research and not taking medication have been treating in by leveling out my my highs by cbt so as the lows aren't as detrimental on my health.  The reason that I am writing this at this moment is because I have niticed dramatic changes in my memory since starting the ketamine experiment. For example I am writing... that alone,  but also,from memory , of things I read over a month ago. I can remember math equations for excell spreadsheets. Something I haven't known for years. I can recall where I know someone from just by looking at them( haven't remembered a single soul who I've ran into from my past who obviously knew me, that I knew.) I can remember people from high school when just last year only could recall 3 people I went to school with. I can remember apoointment( haven't missed one in months), birthdays, and to do lists. I know phone number and can remeber everything I did yesterday without being reminded... which hasn't happened in years. More to come. So exciting

[credulouscanidae]

my inability to be organised, my executive dysfunction, my need for constant stimulation/movement, my memory lapses. these have been things that have affected me my entire life, and they’re things that i have always chopped up to mental illness and trauma.

adhd was also something i ignorantly dismissed as “hehe bouncy leg hyperactive kid” and not really understood it. cuz i wasnt really a hyperactive or disruptive kid. 

but im starting to really...notice things. and i feel like an imposter for “suddenly” thinking i have adhd, but i also havent really had the language up until now to describe what im feeling.

i have been soft diagnsoed with bpd, but also i spent less than 3 sessions with that psych for him to make that evaluation, him just ticking off a list of symtpoms. and i probably do have it. but i cant help but find myself ticking off more boxes of adhd than i do bpd.

i’m realising i dont “feel” in black and white as much as i originally thought i did. i realise i dont “idolise” as much as i thought i did. i definitely have a lot of the complex emotions and lack of identity and have a lot of that bpd fragility that others experience, but i just. idk.

im just realizing theres a lot of things ive grown up struggling with, and ive just chopped it up to me being lazy or dumb. especialyl on my good mental health days where i feel very motivated and “high”, i still experience executive dysfunction and memory issues and shit organisation. just these things that have been affectign me for so long

i guess in the end all i can do is speculate until i get properly diagnosed. and maybe im fixating on the idea of adhd bc i know medication can help it. and im tired of my mind racing at a million miles a second with no rest. im just tired.

[system-of-a-feather]

Due to a general number of asks running along the similar lines of these, I am going to make a general response to those asks and proceed to remove them from the inbox as I don’t feel they will be able to be answered anytime soon and are generally under a similar response and in concept and I felt I would clear these out while I was out for Riku since I have the time and the mental space to read through them. The asks I will be referencing will be at the end under a keep reading - noted in numbers.

-----

To these asks, and any of those reading that might be wondering similarly, we can not give too much of a say on if something is or is not DID / OSDD considering that we are both not a professional and simply due to the innate nature that DID / OSDD are easy to misdiagnose both for other disorders and with other disorders and do need a lot of context that no single ask - or multiple asks - could properly provide a single person enough context to know for sure. Such topics are best talked to towards a professional that can invest time into exploring and discussing individual experiences, the history, and have a better look at the general presentation of your symptoms, experiences, and life history to come to a conclusion about what might be currently going on.

To the first ask, yes, it is entirely possible for neglect to cause DID and OSDD. The two main components to form DID is childhood trauma (neglect included) that might cause a child to dissociate from themselves in a sense of flight/fight and to avoid confronting the pain an fear that they have at the moment and a disorganized attachment to a parent / caregiver.

To the second ask, I am really sorry to hear that you were treated the way you were as a child and that really is absolutely no environment that any human should ever have to have grown up in. I can’t say if you have DID or not as mentioned above, but I would like to say that it isn’t unheard of for alters to form / originate as characters made up for a story or roleplay. Two of the alters in our system that are considerably out of contact with most of the system and partially dormant originated from characters that Riku had originally made that had some parallels to her life as well. One was a well built character, the other not. Like stated above though, it really might be something work looking into talking about with a therapist since there are some reasons to question it there.

To the third ask, there are a number of things that could present similarly to having that feeling other than OSDD / DID considering dissociation (a symptom found in other disorders such as severe depression, schizophernia, PTSD, and BPD) in general can cause similar issues to a certain extent of disconnect, disruption of identity, and a disconnect from one’s own thoughts into making them seem like they are not one’s own. I am not here saying that it isn’t, but I would look into talking to a professional about it. There might be more context that might lean towards OSDD or DID but also might lead to a different diagnosis that is similar with dissociation. If you are concerned about having something similar to DID / OSDD, it really is something you might definitely want to look into with a professional.

-Lucille (Primary Protector)

1)  “I have to ask. As a person who suffered from physical, emotional, and medical (? Idk if that falls under physical or not. Still trying to accept it lol) negelect, I have started to question if I might have DID or not? Can neglect cause it? I know there was some abuse otherwise, but mainly it was neglect and I dont know if that would be bad enough to cause DID or not. If this is triggering, dont feel obligated to answer. Love you and hope you're doing good! ♥️ “

---

2) “Hey, when I was a kid, my parents had terrifying anger. My dad used to be in the army and when I made mistakes or he didn’t like something I did, he went ballistic. There was a time he broke a broom in front of us over his leg. Another time when he slapped me repeatedly and I had to tell my teacher I fell and hit my face - I didn’t even understand why I had to lie. My mom blew up over little things, and I had depersonalization since I was a kid. (1)

A couple years ago my sister made a comment on how my dad used to say ‘I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!’ But I don’t remember that part. I’ve always been afraid to ask for something, only for my birthday or christmas, and felt I was walking on eggshells around my parents. They were still really loving, but I’ve had difficulty with their anger and my response to real or perceived anger is to fawn. And when I perceive a threat, I start to feel detached from myself. (2)

I noticed too that I have different modes I switch between, and lately I’ve been feeling more distressed and feel myself on different wavelengths/sense of self, and when I switch from one sense to another, I’ve been having micro-moments of disorientation. Then I catch up. I’ve felt multiple presences in my head, usually it’s characters from a long developed fictional universe. There’s one predominant one I feel, who seems to have developed sort of recently over the past few years. (3)

He was formed through a role play game and had many parallels with me during his development. I have diagnosed autism and I feel like just now at 24 I’m developing social skills I should’ve learned growing up. A lot of the time I feel like a child still, and when I’m in different emotional states, I feel I can’t relate much to myself. I also have difficulty with a sense of identity. I don’t feel like the same person as I was when going to university. I feel like I have osdd-1. (4?-end)”

---

3) “ive been researching did because its the only thing similar to what I experience but I dont think I can have it because ive read the trauma causing did has to happen by a certain age & my trauma happened a bit later than that age. I have no clue what is going on with my brain, I often feel as though my thoughts are someone else & I can hold conversations with this.. other person? but theyve never really fronted. they're just there & I'm not even sure if its just 1 of them or multiple.”

[zandel645]

medical frustration. pt 3.

Lastly, the huge problem with my neck. It’s by far the scariest health issue I’ve ever had, even more than severe anorexia, a complicated birth of my child or a broken back. I have no idea what it is. Google doesn’t tell me anything, there doesn’t seem to be anyone else on the planet experiencing what I experience. The neurologist has diagnosed me with cervical focal dystonia and gave me muscle relaxants but I personally think I’ve been misdiagnosed. The research I’ve done on focal dystonia doesn’t match with my symptoms at all.

So what happens? Well one of the muscles or nerves or ligaments (who knows) in my neck stiffen and tighten. This happens without warning, there’s no trigger, it could happen at any time in any place and I cannot predict it at all. It produces a very painful sensation of someone’s hands around my throat, squeezing. I have about 30 seconds to take muscle relaxant medication before I lose the ability to swallow. Once that happens, I have to spit in a cup to get rid of saliva. I also can’t speak or use my voice properly. I can’t communicate with people over what’s happening which is psychologically very distressing. The pain increases every minute, first at my neck then it spreads to my jaw, my head, the other side of my neck, down my shoulder. Sometimes it lasts for a few seconds but the longest it has lasted so far has been 6 hours. That’s 6 hours of honestly excruciating pain, being unable to swallow or talk.

The last time it happened, I took my meds as soon as I could and waited for them to work. And then I waited a bit more and a bit more. I felt my meds working on the rest of my body but not my neck. That’s when I started to panic. The thing that was supposed to make it go away wasn’t working and I was stuck unable to talk to cry in rapidly increasing amounts of pain. My mum took me to a&e which she didn’t want to do because ‘it’ll go away by itself eventually!’ not realising that I wanted to scream. It was only after I started banging my head against the wall in pain and panic and frustration that she took me seriously. The traige doctor tried to examine me and get me to talk and swallow and move my neck. This was so painful that I broke down in front of her and the nurse. As in, screaming and shouting and making incoherent noises. Using my voice makes the pain worse so then I was screaming even louder which then made it worse still, it was a vicious cycle.

Eventually, more doctors and nurses came in to calm me down, I was on the floor screaming, pushing them away, not knowing where I was, not understanding what they were saying. They rushed me away from the waiting area because i was so loud and they gave me an IV and took a blood test. I was dehydrated and my electrolytes were off since I couldn’t swallow therefore drink any water or eat anything at all. They put me on a drip of electrolyte infusions and water. They gave paracetamol through the cannula and tried the first muscle relaxant also through the cannula. Neither of them worked, I was still choked-crying, trying not to scream. Eventually I went completely silent and dissociated, I was in too much pain to me in my body. Then they gave me two more muscle relaxants and then morphine. The morphine helped a lot but it didn’t make the pain go away completely. Finally my neck stopped. And it was one of the scariest and definitely the most painful experience of my life.

People don’t take me seriously when I say that. Because no one has heard of it before, there isn’t a name for it, they can’t see my neck going wrong, they can only trust what I say. But I can’t talk. So they brush it off. It only took a complete breakdown and dissociation at the hospital, fucking morphine, about 10 doctors and multiple medications direct through a vein to take me seriously. And no medication works to fix it, my safe ‘I’ll just take this and wait it out, it’ll only be 20 minutes, I can handle that!’ doesn’t work. And it’s honestly terrifying.

So that’s my body, I hate it, I want a refund from the universe and everything is shit.

[toots-senpai]

I actually enjoy hearing about people and their ADHD, because I also have ADHD. It sounds like it effects everyone differently. Please be kind to yourself. We're all only human.

tw: su!c!de mention!! rant kinda? just mental illness talk

um, im gonna pull away from all the fanfic writing to let you guys know a little about me and like life recently. so i know i've had adhd since i was like 6. i got diagonsed, fun fact, by someone who actually got arrested for over dosing children. i tried doing some research a second ago to find him but i actually cant... (if someone wants to play detective here before my mother and i figure it out first, his name was dr.ruben and he got arrested from around 2009-2013 in milwuakee wisconsin, worked for a catholic therapy center i think) but i think he might've majorly fucked up my diagnosis. ive been in and out of therapy centers and ive been mentally abused by my father for the earlier years of my life and my father didn't believe about my adhd in the first place which might've led to all this confusion as well. but his desbelief in my adhd i now find funny because adhd is basically just your frontal cortex being undeveloped. yet, with all the research i've done with autism recently, it really does seem like i'm coming down to that conclusion. yet adhd and autism is on the same spectrum. ive been diagnosed differently 6 times these last few years and though adhd is on there, bpd and ptsd are always being tossed back and fourth between my psychologists (the people that give the medicine.. that's right? right?) but with all the things ive been seeing on the internet about autism it really does seem like i have it. recently, like i said, ive been having trouble with learning, very bad with forms and i get super stressed and almost suicidal with new people if i dont ground myself properly. on top of that my sensory issues have been through the roof and it really seems that i just.. am stuck? though all this writing is actually keeping me grounded actually but just trying to learn about those personality types a few minutes ago legitmately had me angirly stimming because i didn't understand. um, ptsd is very weel mixed up with autism also, you can also have both. men were the blueprint for autism testing, so women are often misdiagnosed.. recently i have went to a nuerologist for twitching, now.. i think some of it is stimming but i know for a fact that something's wrong in my back, i think they said hyplexia? but at the same time they didn't actually fully diagnosed me. but all this confusion and just sensory issues around those people every time i go there (to the hospital i mean) always makes me forget. it's honestly so much that i can barely put all of it here.

point of the matter is, is that im kinda in a weird state in my life and I don't want to put it all on to you guys again, kinda just want this here so that you guys kinda know.. but with all of the invalidating in my life about my diagnosis's it is really nice to feel validated. kinda crying being the screen because, it really do be hard out here... but thank you so much. you don't know just how much that little sentence made my past week better!!! :))) <3333

thank you. really.

[galacticnewsnetwork]

How a worldwide Star Wars fan group grew out of Columbia, South Carolina

Albin Johnson (helmet off) of Columbia stands next to Star Wars creator George Lucas before the 2007 Tournament of Roses Parade with members of Johnson's costuming group, the 501st Legion. Provided

COLUMBIA — During Albin Johnson’s darkest moments in life, Star Wars has been a source of light.

He lost a leg in a wreck. That led him to create a Star Wars stormtrooper costuming group that now has 12,000 members worldwide.

He lost a young daughter to cancer. That led to the construction of a pink droid that solidified his fan group’s mission in aiding children’s charities.

Johnson has turned his love for Star Wars into a powerful force.

Stormtroopers from his massive fan group created 20 years ago in Columbia have raised nearly $3 million over the past five years. They have marched in the Tournament of Roses Parade with Star Wars mastermind George Lucas, appeared at the MTV Movie Awards and, just last week, shared a red carpet with Britain’s Princes William and Harry at the London premiere of "Star Wars: Episode VIII — The Last Jedi."

They have a seal of approval from filmmakers as Lucasfilms' "preferred Imperial costuming group."

"It’s so liberating to get to play out all your bad-guy fantasies," Johnson said. “Stormtroopers are your average guy. He can be anyone."

'My own world'

Johnson’s route to becoming Stormtrooper TK 210 started in 1977 with his father, a former World War II pilot, being intrigued by a movie poster featuring battling spaceships. His father thought it was a war movie and took the family, then living in Charlotte, to see "Star Wars: Episode IV — A New Hope."

Johnson liked the movie because of the white-clad soldiers from the Galactic Empire that served with the movie’s villain, Darth Vader. Stormtroopers are among the first characters seen in the film.

“What were they? Were they men? Were they robots?” Johnson, 48, recalled. “I was trying to work the morality of why they did the things they did."

Johnson’s parents were very religious — they worked for the PTL Club, a Christian television program — and would occasionally throw away his Star Wars toys. A youth minister once told Johnson that Lucas was trying to lure kids into a cult.

He hid some of his Star War memorabilia and tried to read everything he could about the movie.

“I was in my own world,” Johnson said.

Albin Johnson (left) and his wife Kathy pose with R2-D2 and C-3PO during a 2005 Star Wars convention in Indianapolis.

His life changed after losing his left leg following a 1994 auto accident. Johnson was depressed, so a co-worker (and fellow Star Wars fan) at a Columbia Circuit City store encouraged him to buy a $2,000 Stormtrooper costume to wear to a showing for the re-release of "Star Wars: Episode V —The Empire Strikes Back."

"His eyes came alive when we talked about the movie," said Tom Crews, who worked with Johnson at the electronics store.

Few people dressed up in movie costumes to go to a movie in the '90s, especially in Columbia. It was a hit. Johnson bought a Stormtrooper suit for Crews, and they started posting photos of themselves in costumes on online bulletin boards.

They began to make friends with other fans dressing as Stormtroopers. Some were in other states, but they were joined by fans from other countries.

In 1997, Johnson, with Crews' help, created a fictional unit for the Stormtroopers, calling it the 501st Legion because “it rolled off the tongue.”

“We wanted to find people who are really into the movie and people who were really into the costumes,” said Crews, who is known as TK 512 in the legion. “We wanted to create something people wanted to belong to and wanted to grow.”

Since members were so far apart, Johnson adopted military lingo for local groups, known as garrisons, squads and outposts, so members were invested in growing the 501st in their state or country.

He had rules to make sure members dressed — and acted — properly, but he didn’t charge dues or try to make money selling costumes like similar Star Wars fan groups.

“It was not about perfection,” Johnson said. “It was about the relationships.”

The big break

That’s not to say the 501st didn’t struggle. The group’s first attempt at a gathering during a comic convention in 1998 in Atlanta included members who were not interested in dressing up or who preferred partying over marching.

But four years later, the 501st had its breakthrough.

During a Star Wars event in Indianapolis, Johnson was able to assemble 200 troopers to march to the arena. It was impressive and drew applause from fans waiting in line to get in. One problem: they walked across a street where a marathon was taking place. Peripheral vision in the masks is almost nonexistent. They stopped runners during their march.

Inside the arena, the crowds overwhelmed security. Johnson said he assembled his troopers and asked they each stand behind a security person to help usher fans through the event. That got the attention of Lucasfilm, the maker of Star Wars, which thanked the 501st and began a relationship that has helped legitimize the South Carolina-created legion.

Film company officials also recognized how Johnson led his group.

“His order of the day was, ‘Let’s have some fun,’ ’’ said Steve Sansweet, a former fan relations head for Lucasfilm. “He’s a personable guy who had an idea and threw it out there.”

Crews said he and Johnson wondered if Lucasfilm would come after them over copyright issues. Sansweet said filmmakers were leery at first, fearing that one of these rabid fans would rob a convenience store dressed as a Star Wars character.

But Lucasfilm took the 501st and other costume fan groups as a compliment.

“These can be our best emissaries out there," Sansweet said. "People love seeing them in the wild.”

Legion members take pride in making their own costumes or tweaking ones they buy to make them more authentic.

"We're showcasing our art," said Dan Rodriguez, the current 501st leader who lives in Maryland. "We want to look like we came right off the screen."  

The pink droid

Just two years after the 501st’s big break, Johnson’s 6-year-old daughter Katie was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Katie saw in “Star Wars: Episode II — Attack of the Clones” how the droid R2-D2 watched over Padmé Amidala while she was sleeping and wanted her own nighttime protector.

Johnson worked with friends to have a full-size pink version of R2-D2 at her bedside until her death in 2005. The droid was named R2-KT in her honor and now tours the country for charity events, visits sick children in hospitals and participates in Make-A-Wish events.

“This became a defining aspect of the 501st: We will be as charitable as we can for children,” Crews said.

R2-KT has become the Columbia-created 501st Legion's mascot, joining parades and visiting sick children in hospitals. The pink droid is named after 501st founder Albin Johnson's daughter, Katie, who died from brain cancer in 2005.

Johnson’s strong religious beliefs carried him through his daughter’s illness, said Crews, who now works with Johnson at the state's information technology agency.

Johnson refers to himself as a father of five, which includes Katie.

“He knows death is not death. It’s part of our existence,” Crews said. “You take some heart from that. Al has always found a way to see the brighter side of things no matter the low.”

R2-KT now has its own backstory in the Star Wars legend and the pink droid has appeared in animated Star Wars shows. Filmmakers borrowed the droid for more than a year so R2-KT could appear in the background of some scenes in 2015's “Star Wars: Episode VII — The Force Awakens.” (The pink droid does not have a cameo in “The Last Jedi.”)

'Power of the internet'

Members of the 501st have become a staples at Star Wars events.

Lucas wanted a group of Stormtroopers when he was grand marshal of the 2007 Rose Parade. Sansweet knew where to find them and recruited the 501st, which got a pep talk from the Star Wars creator ahead of a four-hour march.

“You’re all cannon fodder, none of you will probably make it,” Lucas joked, seeing how Stormtroopers' main role in the films is getting shot and dying. “We will remember you.”

Actor John Boyega, who plays Finn, former Stormtrooper FN 2187, poses with members of the Columbia-created 501st Legion at the premiere of "Star Wars: Episode VIII — The Last Jedi" in London on Dec. 12. Joel C. Ryan/Invision/AP

In the past week, 501st members took part in the premieres of “The Last Jedi” in Los Angeles and London. Their reward: They got to see the movie — and some British royalty.

Johnson stayed home. He is not involved in the legion day-to-day so he can spend more time with his family.

But he still chats with filmmakers, dresses up as TK 210 a few times a year and sends messages to members, who have reached into China and Russia — far from the Columbia electronics store where it all began.

“Even I’m surprised that it started here,” Johnson said. “But that’s the power of the internet.”

By:  Andy Shain

Source: The Post & Courier

[anumberofhobbies]

White Privilege Fantasy [Prophecy Update]

In setting out to prove there is no problem he pretty much immediately shows that he is the problem. I stopped watching at the 7:51 point, had seen enough, thank you very much.

How about some content related to the several minutes I did watch:

1.) April 25, 2019, https://www.nbcnews.com/news/nbcblk/black-man-s-reaction-matching-skin-tone-bandage-strikes-chord-n998671

2.) June 6, 2013, https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/06/the-story-of-the-black-band-aid/276542/

Connecting medical treatment and nonwhite skin to current events, https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/bjd.19258

“Absence of images of skin of colour in publications of COVID‐19 skin manifestations    J.C. Lester,  J.L. Jia, L. Zhang, G.A. Okoye,  E. Linos, Dear Editor, There are now over 1 million confirmed cases of COVID‐19 globally, with more than 270 000 recorded deaths to date.1 COVID‐19 has been shown to impact people of colour disproportionately, both in the UK and in the USA, where black people make up 13·4% of the population but 30% of cases of COVID‐19.2, 3 Mounting evidence shows that COVID‐19 impacts several organ systems, including the skin.4 Knowledge of cutaneous manifestations of COVID‐19 and the ability to identify them in patients of all skin types is important for dermatologists and other healthcare providers who may be evaluating patients who are otherwise asymptomatic. In order to provide optimal care to all patients, it is therefore important that we are able to identify cutaneous manifestations of COVID‐19 in patients with darker skin.        

We completed a systematic literature review, using the PRISMA guidelines, of all articles describing cases of cutaneous manifestations associated with COVID‐19. We included English‐language articles published between 31 December 2019 and 3 May 2020. We extracted patient case numbers, race and ethnicity descriptors when available, photographs, and descriptions of cutaneous manifestations. In order to assess background skin colour, a board‐certified dermatologist with expertise in diagnosing and treating patients with skin of colour (Fitzpatrick type IV–VI) evaluated each of the images and categorized them based on Fitzpatrick type I–VI. ...”

Also connected: https://www.statnews.com/2020/07/21/dermatology-faces-reckoning-lack-of-darker-skin-in-textbooks-journals-harms-patients-of-color/

... The mother of a mixed-race 13-year-old from Connecticut said she was told by her child’s pediatrician when she was 8 that the white patches on her skin were pityriasis alba, a skin rash that’s usually not considered a serious condition. She was given a lotion, but the skin patches never went away. “I kept going online and looking at things but I couldn’t see anyone with issues that looked like hers,” said the mother, who didn’t want her name used to protect the girl’s privacy. “And the doctor was casual about it.

”Partly because of insurance issues, and partly because the mother thought there was nothing to worry about, it took five years before her daughter’s white patches were properly diagnosed: She had T-cell lymphoma, a cancer. While she will require maintenance light therapy for life, her overall prognosis is good. But her case highlights the difficult and sometimes frightening challenge many patients of color face to get a proper dermatologic diagnosis. ...