#but its my whole thing so cope ig

[silly-tma-headcanons]

[cw suicide mention ish?]

was debating if you should get this or not bc of the silly in your url but fuck it i like this so you're getting it

this was technically written as a drabble for my time travelling martin au (which i have no idea if it'll see the light of day) but i'm too proud of it so. let it be phrased as a headcanon disguised as a drabble

|

Martin should not be upset with Tim for dying in the Unknowing. Logically, Martin knows this, and yet, for some reason, his brain decides to not follow through with that.

Martin knows how awful Tim's mental health had gotten by the time the Unknowing rolled around. He knows just how Tim had given everything away and torn his friendships apart shortly before the suicide mission that was the fucking Unknowing. And he knows that he himself wasn't all too great to Tim by the end, either. And yet. And yet, and yet, and yet-

He knows he has no right to be angry with Tim. Upset, yes, grief, sure, but anger? That's no way to think of someone who practically killed himself, is it?

And so, he takes a deep breath, sits, and counts to ten. Tries not to think of how hurt he felt. Tries not to remember how Alone he was after three of his closest friends died in such close time frames. Tries not to remember the empty casket they'd laid down in the ground, all because no one could find Timothy Stokers corpse. Tries to not think about the sliver of hope he tried to keep to himself - that maybe, just maybe, the fact they hadn't found Tim's corpse could mean he was still alive out there. He knew far too well by then to keep himself from smothering that thought.

Even if Tim survived, would he still want to live? Of course not, Martin had reasoned. He'd gotten his vengeance, and besides, Martin Blackwood wasn't someone people bothered to live for. (except, maybe, one person, but even then, he's not here, is he?)

Martins hand grips the handle of his mug tightly. He's almost surprised it hasn't shattered from how hard he's holding it, yet he doesn't lighten his hold.

He has no right to be upset with Tim.

Then why is he?

i love this this is so banger im going mental rn

i really like the idea of funerals in the tma universe and I'd never thought about it until now. did they have a funeral for sasha? did they have one for daisy when they didnt know she'd make it out of the coffin? all that good stuff is coming up now chat

martin being angry that tim is dead is so real tho. like yea!!! be angry!!!! you lost someone important to you!!!!! experience those emotions!!!!!!!

AUAHGAHHGG conclusion: i love this, sometimes we get a bit angsty, even through the silliness!!!! all headcanons are welcome, even if they're not quite silly :]

[thenon-fictiondays]

Hirano to Kagiura light novel translation 4-1

Chapter 4: Fall.

Part 1

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It might be September by now, but the sun’s rays know no bounds.

Heat from the weather aside, the schoolhouse on the coattails of summer break is permeated with the fervor of the students.

Among all those in the athletic clubs who have undergone away games and training camps, there are many who have deepened both their tans and their virility. The sense of achievement characteristic of those who kept up with their exercise lives within their growth spurts.

Hirano���s roommate is, once again, one of them.

Kagiura, who’s gotten a bit taller, has gotten used to high school, completely devoid of the anxiety he’d seemed to have around the time he’d started school.

Since they’d met up over the summer, he’s become more and more relaxed, and Hirano can’t help but think of him as a beloved younger brother.

Wait, but younger brothers don’t do things like give you earrings, do they?

Hirano isn’t really in a position to judge, with no siblings of his own.

He’d found his original earrings while organizing his luggage after returning from Kagiura’s countryside home. They’d fallen into his school bag and hidden themselves beneath the stiff bottom plate.

What should I do about it? he’d wondered, but figured well, whatever, and didn’t bother switching out his new ones. He’ll keep them in the dorm just in case, but ultimately plans to keep using the ones Kagiura gave him.

As soon as the new term starts, preparations for the Cultural Festival are full speed ahead. Even the first years, who aren’t used to running events without the guidance of a faculty member, are gradually gaining opportunities to build character. The Executive Committee members have so many responsibilities that it has become difficult to carry out their studies without the cooperation of their classmates.

Kagiura also has the situation of being part of the ‘Sports Recommendation Squad’, and his grades are not up to snuff. It would be good if they don’t take a hit from his extracurricular responsibilities, but that will come down to his own efforts.

It’s not just the Executive Committee members who are swamped. The students in the culture clubs are also at their busiest, and with the autumn tournament right around the corner, there’s no way the athletics clubs can cut back on practices.

The sweltering nights have yet to abate; yet despite these conditions which could even be called cruel, most of the students are eagerly awaiting the Cultural Festival. You might even get away with saying all of them.

Because, after all, girls come to visit the cultural festival. 

And even without that element, a festival is still a festival. 

This is a time when the whole student body is restless, so the Disciplinary Committee will be on top of keeping everyone in line—or such is their public stance, but they won’t be too strict about moderating uniforms and hair styles.

In any case, a high proportion of the students will be in costumes on the day of the festival. 

There's also at least one class cross-dressing every year. 

This year, that’s right, it's the class that Hirano is unfortunately a part of. More specifically, it's been decided that Hirano will be one of the ones in drag. 

Oiwa-san—a famous spirit who makes an appearance in the Yotsuya Kaidan.¹

There are many variations of the famous ghost story, in which Oiwa, the deceased wife, holding a grudge over the betrayal of her husband, Iemon, slaughters every last person involved. Apparently, they will be basing the makeup off of Tōkaidō Yotsuya Kaidan², which is popular among Hirano’s classmates.

He’d been shown reference images of the ghost, her face half disfigured and inflamed by poison, but the picture was nightmare fuel when viewed in the dark.

Supposedly it’s a style of Halloween makeup that’s been popular in recent years, but the trial makeup that had been applied to his arm after school in order to match the shade to his face had been truly grotesque.

This information is to be kept top secret until the last possible minute on the day of, in the interests of building hype.

While Hirano is putting away his homework, the door opens with a click.

His roommate is home.

It’s still bright outside, but the dining hall is just about to open for dinner.

“Hirano-san, I’m home!”

“Welcome home, Kagi-kun.”

These days, Kagiura usually gets a bit bashful in reply to Hirano’s greeting, seemingly tickled. So naive and innocent he must be, making such an expression with no fear of being misunderstood.

There were days they’d spent together, but summer vacation had been long.

There’s an air of a different kind of newness from the one there’d been in the period before they’d gotten used to sharing a dorm—Kagiura probably feels it too. At least, Hirano thinks so.

He feels closer to Kagiura compared to before. After all, he’s met his immediate and extended family, so of course they’d feel more intimate. It’s as if the part of himself that had been on guard while thinking about how to act as a senpai in his second year in the dorms has been absolved.

After Hirano had filled out his print-outs as if in competition with Kagiura, who’d spread out his homework in a frenzy, they’d headed to the dining hall a little later than usual.

It always takes him about 3 or 4 days to get back into the swing of dorm life.

Speaking of which, he thinks.

Before Kagiura moved into the dorms, Hirano had been quite nervous.

He’d talked to Hanzawa about it one time when the Disciplinary Committee had a meeting, and they’d brainstormed strategies to avoid scaring Kagiura off.

He’d also felt it would be a waste of his efforts if he was only friendly at the beginning of their time spent living together; thus, they’d come to the conclusion that it wouldn’t be too far out of Hirano’s depths to give him a nickname and use “-kun”.

Oh yeah, that’s right. At the beginning I called him Kagiura-kun.

He’s been calling his name every day, enough that he’d ended up shortening it, thinking it’s too long and clunky.

Kagiura has morning practice tomorrow, too, so there's no way he can let him oversleep.

Hirano got that, but there was something on his mind that just wouldn’t go away, so he asked before shutting off the lights. 

".....Hey, um. I know you're working hard, so I don't wanna rain on your parade, but are your studies going all right? I haven't heard how your proficiency test went yet."

As the words leave his mouth, he thinks, what am I, a private tutor? and laughs drily to himself.

For the results of the test held right after summer break, a list ranking every student in their grade and the standard score were passed out to each person, the same as for the periodic exams.

For first years, they can be used as nothing more than a reference, but due to the breadth of the material covered, in some cases they might be used to determine which schools to apply to when compared to results from previous cram schools.

“...I just barely passed.”

“What’s the damage?”

“The teacher said, ‘You didn’t do badly enough that I need to pull you aside, but keep working hard’...”

“I see.”

Which is bad in and of itself, really.

Kagiura hangs his head dejectedly, and Hirano’s tempted to comfort him all the more for having seen the extent of his efforts, but his lack of preparation is unmistakable.

“Kagi-kun, after the cultural festival is over, you gotta step it up. If you miss some of the notes, get someone to show you theirs before the next day. Don’t let them build up. If you end up with a backlog of notes to take, you’re not gonna be able to understand them.”

Hirano knows deep down he’s probably worrying too much, but he keeps the expression on his face stern. The beginning is the key to everything. Among his classmates in the ‘Sports Recommendation Squad’ who, like Kagiura, are bad students, there are many whose grades plummeted after going on to their second year.

Who knew he’d become this much of a worrywort after becoming someone’s senpai?

“Yeah…Hirano-san, will you teach me again?”

“Sure. But you better bring back good grades.”

“I will! …By the way, can I ask you something?”

He ducks his head as he asks the question, a gesture with all the charm one would expect from someone as cute as him.

“What’s up?”

“When you were a first year, did the senpai you roomed with teach you how to study, too?”

“Nah, no way.”

“Hm…did you not get along?”

“It’s not that we didn’t get along, we just weren’t really that close. I wasn’t nearly as friendly a kouhai as you are.”

This is usually the case for dorm students. Hanzawa, contemptuous of homosexual relations, has a reputation in certain circles for having a finely-tuned gaydar and showing up to cockblock any time he senses anyone getting a little too close.³

His distaste isn’t unwarranted; apparently it has to do with his family, so even Hirano feels bad for him.

“...Does that make me special, then?”

“Why are you so happy about that?”

At Hirano’s jests of what are you, a dog? Kagiura breaks into a grin.

“Yeah. You know, I’m glad I’m your roommate, Hirano-san.”

Hirano smiles wryly; Kagiura’s got him wrapped around his little finger without a hint of insincerity.

With Kagiura cozying up to him like this, he doesn’t stand a chance.

*****

T/N: (1) Not sure I need to add more info on this to the story, but it's pretty interesting, so you can read more about it here.

(2) A movie based on the story made in 1959.

(3) Yall....idek what to say about this. I tried to keep the tone lighthearted but the original text literally says 'gay-hating Hanzawa' and describes his feelings as disgust. Idk why the writer put this but our boy is NOT like that 😭 I actually broke my vow of not looking at the official TL just to see how they handled this bit and they completely watered it down lmao. and tbh, yall know my dedication to accuracy but I WAS TEMPTED. While going back and forth about what I should do, I told my sister about it, and she suggested that Hanzawa doesn't actually hate gays, he just hates gay sex and will stand for none of it in his dorm so...we're going with that interpretation 💀🙃💀🙃

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Special shoutout to @jeizet, @jujupanic, @massyworld, @umbreonwolfy, and @acidsuzanne-blog for sponsoring these updates 🙌

[ojirocardigansniper]

ouguhhh just read the summary and article from this post about alexandre baril's work on suicidism (oppression of the suicidal) and the opening paragraph of the conclusion in the full article. thoughts. rotating

i was thinking about the. thick white gloves. while reading. remembered that one post about how csa being horrifically taboo to talk about compounds survivors' trauma and shame and went Maybe something similar re: suicidality and suicide... the suffering multiplied by the silence, the risk of dismissal or instant change in perception in anyone you tell... and even in 'mental health' spaces the perception that suicide as a topic is dangerous to talk about- that it could be triggering instantly and automatically- is like. i think there's some paternalism there and there's some shamefear and there's some oversimplification and there's the fact that it plays well into the existing well-taught impulse to avoid the discomforting. but like. this post also about how getting through suicidality is maybe only possible by considering the option thoroughly. i am just thinking. idk. yall know me yall know i think about this topic a lot

[sanest-bsd-delegate]

𝘾𝙤𝙪𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙛𝙛

Headcanon: Daily life of you dating them. Ft Dazai, Chuuya, Nikolai and Ranpo

A/n: accept this as a payback for being gone for to long. Miss you guys, how have you been?

ARMED DETECTIVE AGENCY

PORT MAFIA

MASTERLIST

Dazai:

You need to deal with him fr to much.

Can see him ordering drinks during you dates, specifically asking the waiter to bring two straws only to see him drink it from both.

Are you even dating him if you both haven't already taken couple quizzes on the Internet.

This mf istg. LIKE you are about to kiss and he would bump his forehead with yours.

Either he is 10/10 romantic or will be the worst lover in history.

Aww but imagine, if you are in bad mood and insecure or stuff, or saying why you hate your self, he would overhear that and list you things he likes about you. Cute, BUT STOP HIM BEFORE IT GOES FOREVER.

Never leave him alone at home. This man would bring those glow in the dark stars and paste it all over your room. THE LIGHT SO BRIGHT IT BLINDS YOU EYES.

UwU that gives him and you a reason to sleep together on the couch.

You both tried to set up yourself as avatars on games, trying to get your virtual self together only for Dazai's avatar to turn into a bread and commit arson.

Chuuya:

Can imagine you both raking up leaves and jumping into them.

he trying their best to be quiet while you are taking a nap.

This man gets into a heated argument with someone begins threatening them, only for you to pick him up and toss him over your shoulders walking away while he still shouts.

10/10 perfect dynamic couples

You both will visit a field of flowers as a dating spot and thinking you have time to take photos but then both of you end up laying in the field together and picking beautiful flowers for each other. Bonus when both of you make flower crowns for each other.

He kisses you before heading out to kill people, while you lie still in bed trina cope up completing your education degree he can never have. (Lets be real, they are 22, people are finishing college at that moment and not killing people for fun-)

You tried to connect to his Wi-Fi and jokingly put your own name in as the password.

WELL that actually worked and you are connected to his Wi-Fi. (STFU ITS NOT CRINGE ITS FLUFF)

Nikolai:

THIS MAN likes stealing your phone to change your phone's wallpaper into cursed pics from your Pinterest. 10/10 morning trauma

He helps you dry and brush your hair after a shower and visa versa.

Normalising playing on the swings at a small playground that nobody goes to anymore because that's what two sane persons do.

Hands down, both of you tried to cross your kitchen playing three-legged race.

Never let this man draw. You both will be drawing each other and man will breakdown just because he cant lift a pencil. HOW CAN YOU LIFT A MF GUN THEN??

Once you and him were stranded on a raft in the middle of a lake. DONT ASK WHY.

Ranpo:

You have to tie balloons around his hand so he doesn't get lost in the crowd.

JUST IMAGINE-, He has a french fry in his mouth and dares you to steal it from him. and when you try to do it, he puts the whole fry in his mouth and makes you kiss him. 10/10 RIZZNPO.

Thanks to his amazing direction skills, you both get lost in IKEA.

HUJFDISF He will touch your face and tell you its really soft while he gives nose kisses!>>>

Presuming you can knit, he forced you to make a very very very long scarf, only for him to make you sit beside him and share it. (No dazai, that cannot be your rope)

Thanks for reading! I am thinking to change my writing theme. But either ways Do vote if you like ig? Byee lysm :D ๑ARMED DETECTIVE AGENCY ๑PORT MAFIA ๑MASTERLIST ๑HEADCANONS

[bugsinshoes]

ok so i just watched @fordtato and @hkthatgffan 's respective videos about their interview with THE alex hirsch and i wanna just say OH MY GOD like SERIOUSLY

im gonna put my thoughts under the cut so theres no spoilers if you havent seen it already (BUT GO WATCH THEM NOW PLEASE !!!) + its gonna be LONG so BEAR WITH ME

ok, so i have MANY thoughts so sorry if none of this is coherent 😭 (this is not in chronological order of when the questions were asked, just me spewing out my totally normal thoughts about this interview so apologies for that)

starting off:

THE BABY IS SHERMIE?!?!?!? IM SO SO GLAD WE FINALLY HAVE CONFIRMATION WE CAN FINALLY LEAVE THIS TO REST !! I WAS RIGHT THOUGH SO HA !!! ACTUALLY SCREAMING !! TIMELINE BE DAMNED (also another thanks to hana, your timeline video is genuinely awesome. i never shut up about it. ever. any time i talk to my friends abt gf and i need to refer to the timeline i go: "IN HANA'S VIDEO-") anyways, i do understand it was a last minute decision on the writer's part of "oh. dipper and mabel need a grandfather, its not ford, and its sure as FUCK not gonna be stan sooo... third brother?" and i do understand alex being like, "oh, this is about ford and stan only having eachother" so i think making shermie younger was a GOOD THING? like, stan and ford had 18 years of just them so shermie wasnt in the picture, so stan and ford technically grew up on their own so ig it works? also, when stan got kicked out, he never got to see shermie grow up, probably only saw him at events when he had to pretend to be ford (post-1983) and as for ford himself, he was too busy in college and gravity falls to really visit the family so... it works! (despite everything)

that aside, lets talk about THE CRUMBS??? like i have some quotes here because i have a LOT to say:

"theyre both so damaged and they desperately need each other" - alex hirsch (talking about stan and ford)

LIKE SUIUHUSHUSH i HATE these brothers SO MUCH (LIES) i cant actually properly express my thoughts because WOW like its clear that they both have their own trauma and they NEED to address it but theyre both too STUBBORN to do so. theyve both been alone for 40ish years so of course they need each other. they grew up by the hip, so theres no surprise that they both need each other (whether they like it or not)

"[ford's] grateful for the forgiveness he thinks he doesnt deserve" -alex hirsch

ford thinks so lowly of himself at times it HURTS. like the lines in the journal about "only then would the freak return a hero" or about his guilt with bill and everything its just so important to his character im so glad we got so much ford content in this interview. like i am EATING ALL THIS UP RN

"[ford] has to always have a mission in front of him, because if he doesnt have a mission in front of him, hes thinking how have i treated people in my life?" - alex hirsch

ford distracting himself with things instead of facing his problems. probably something he had to do a lot, especially with his time in the multiverse. but it really hurts because i can imagine in the 60s, they never had any great coping mechanisms? so i can assume ford was just conditioned to distract himself from stuff so he never learned how to deal with things. and i KNOW in the journal hes like "i meditate!" and im sure that does help somewhat, but it doesnt address the issue itself soooo... sorry ford, but you cant just breathe your way out of everything

ALSO alex calling ford and fiddlefords falling out a "BREAKUP" (air quotes used) BUT A BREAKUP??? this is just adding fuel to my fiddauthor-infested brain rn. i CANT

and alex saying mcgucket is thinking like, "oh i gotta be a better partner" is HEART SHATTERING like the whole talk about fiddleford being "the building guy" who is kind of just there to make machines and please ford. its honestly so heartbreaking because fiddleford loves ford so much he'd leave his wife and child to go to absolute nowhere, oregon and the fact ford is too arrogant to see fiddlefords admiration and overall love for him its just IUIUAHHAS

and i do wanna say, i KNOW bill played a big part in this, by stroking fords ego and buttering him up with his kind words because he knew exactly what ford wanted to hear and that really affected how ford and fidds' relationship was like but THATS A TOPIC FOR ANOTHER TIME. all i know is that ford isnt entirely to blame, but he still is a massive arrogant asshole and he wasnt the best person to fidds at times (love him tho <3)

but im actually so happy because this interview sheds SO much light onto FORD bcs we BARELY got to know him, and hearing it from MR HIRSCH HIMSELF is just so good because we KNOW its a reliable source because its coming from ALEX YK??? like he wrote ford so he probably knows "oh yeah, that man is guilt-ridden as FUCK" and im so glad we get some crumbs of this guy i cant get enough of him !!! (impatiently waiting for the book of bill)

ANNNDD THE TALK ABOUT MAYBE GETTING A SEA GRUNKS SPINOFF/MINISERIES??? I WOULD EXPLODE GENUINELY ANYTHING WITH MY FAVOURITE OLD MEN PLEASE !! i would genuinely love to see more of their dynamic and how everything is after weirdmaggeddon and like dealing with trauma and UGHHH i would kill for stan/ford content PLEASE

also...

hippie ford.

hippie. ford.

i am never getting over this (im internally SCREECHING)

ANYWAYS THAT WAS MY RANT ABT MY FAV THINGS FROM THE INTERVIEW THAT WAS A LOT GODDAMN

im genuinely so happy with all the questions that got answered, as well as getting some deeper insight into characters and stuff. IM NEVER GETTING OVER THE AMOUNT OF FIDDAUTHOR CRUMBS YOU GUYS

im gonna end this by saying another MASSIVE thank you to hana and hk !! you both put so much effort into your respective videos and it was super super cool !! this was totally worth the wait !!! :D

[0809sysblings]

so. mikoto's (past ig?) fixation that Milgram is some reality show/program. a lot of people discuss this from the lens of fear and anxiety. like having to do with being watched. which i don't disagree with! but i think there could be another perspective to view this from that i haven't seen ppl talk about really.. (tho i think thats more reflective of me than others). which would be it's a coping mechanism, not necessarily a fear.

mikoto struggles a lot with denial. obviously. and denial is a coping mechanism. because reality is scary. and finding reality scary is a problem that resonates greatly with ppl who struggle with dissociation. cause i mean. thats the whole point of dissociating. reality is too overwhelming, so you dissociate.

the scariest thing for me is that this is, in fact, reality. over the years ive heard ppl who don't normally dissociate discuss their experiences with dissociating. and its usually something along the lines of what was happening was scary to them. they were scared that nothing felt real or that they didn't feel real, etc. i could never relate to this tho. what i find scary is when i suddenly realize that i am real and that my life is real. i find feeling real scary. and for as long as i can remember i have taken comfort in the idea that i'm just in a video game or TV show. and i think this is closer to the experience of those with chronic dissociation, just from what i've seen from others and read.

if Milgram is a reality show program, then that means none of this is actually real. he can't actually be hurt. this will just be a silly little event and then once it's over he can go back to his life.

but i think these two statements "his belief that this is all just a reality TV program is connected to his fears and past experience with being watched (stalked)" and "his belief that this is all just a reality TV program is a coping mechanism" can coexist and could both be true.

[jackwhiteprophetic]

My controversial 9-1-1 opinion is that Buck is one of the least interesting characters on the show. Don’t get me wrong, he is complex and interesting but the type of character he is and oftentimes reduced to (sunshine golden retriever boy, abandonment issues, humour to cope and uses false confidence and cockiness to hide the fact he’s deeply insecure) is common and you can find at least one character in almost any media who pretty much matches that description. Usually those characters are also a fandom favourite and you can never escape them.

The clear favouritism for Buck in the fandom also undermines a lot of the incredible things this show has done for representation. “Omg the white guy kissed another white guy! This is revolutionary and the greatest thing to happen on the show!” (Ik I’m simplifying it).

That’s cool, personally I think one of the greatest things to happen on the show is the representation of an abusive relationship and how that trauma impacts a person for years and isn’t fixed in a night after finding the perfect guy. I also think representing postpartum depression was also quite revolutionary and made my mum feel comfortable enough to open up to me about how she had postpartum depression after my sister was born. Like my mum is 50 years old and this silly firefighter show made her feel seen. THAT’S what representation is for.

Regarding LGBTQ+ representation, I think the HAPPILY MARRIED BLACK LESBIAN COUPLE WITH CHILDREN (Mara we’re getting you home) is something never seen in mainstream media, firstly because there are hardly any sapphic relationships and secondly because those sapphic relationships hardly include women of colour.

This is an ensemble and I feel like a lot of people forget that. I’m also still annoyed that when Buck was confirmed bisexual, major article companies acted like this was the first time 9-1-1 had established 1) a queer character and 2) a queer couple.

Henren ran so BT could stumble around and fall flat on its face.

Interesting... We definitely share some of the same views on things, but I do find Buck really interesting as a character now!!! I find Buck and Eddie soooo interesting mainly because I have read probably millions of words of character study on them. Also when I first watched I didn't find Buck suuuper interesting up until the saviour baby arc, which adds so many layers of complexity to his behaviour across all seasons!!!

I really hope there is a greater focus on Maddie next season!!!! Also I think one of the major flaws with S7, because it was written very quickly and they knew they would have to move scenes across episodes is that they didn't really mix storylines massively, so it wasn't very cohesive and we didn't really get to see the 118 as a whole family properly. The pairings we had were Buck and Eddie, Henren and Madney and Bobby and Athena, and that was kind of consistent throughout. Next season I'm really hoping that they can switch up dynamics at least for a few storylines, BC I miss when we would see scenes of like Buck and Chim, or Athena and Hen, which they stopped doing as much once Bathena happened, because they no longer needed Hen as a link between Athena and the 118. WHICH IS SO SAD! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

ALSO SORRY THIS ISNT VERY WELL STRUCTURED BUT CAN THEY LET HENREN BE HAPPY PLEASE!!!! Kind of sick of their storylines being "oh no someone is threatening our family" because it just paints their family as unstable and they don't deserve that!!! I want silly storylines PLEASE!

But yes the centering of Buck (and sometimes the other guy who I will not name BC I don't wanna piss ppl off) by SOME people in the fandom ANGERS ME GREATLY. ESPECIALLY with the whole Gerrard thing, where the comments on the IG post were FLOODED with people talking about Tommy (named him here oh well). And people talking about how everyone is gonna defend Buck because if Gerrard even looks at Buck they're gonna throw hands! I'M SORRY WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU MORE DEFENSIVE OVER BUCK THAN CHIMNEY OR HEN, WHO HAVE ALREADY BOTH BEEN TARGETED AND HARASSED AND BULLIED BY GERRARD? WHY ARE YOU MORE DEFENSIVE OVER TOMMY THAN CHIM OR HEN? It fucking disgusts me. The way that Tommy literally was introduced in S2 as a PLOT DEVICE to show how 'bystanders' (he was barely a bystander, more an active participant) in workplace racism and bullying are still so fucking dangerous and disgusting and wrong. And he was so fucking disgusting to both Hen and Chim, bear in mind they have a fucking dangerous job, if CHIM had been in that building Tommy would have absolutely left him to die. WORKPLACE RACISM IN LIFE OR DEATH JOBS LEADS TO PEOPLE BEING FUCKING LEFT TO DIE. And people are more defensive over Tommy being potentially harassed by Gerrard and than they ever were over Hen or Chim. As a white person I am so fucking sorry, this fandom has not lately been a safe space for pocs and the fucking lengths people go to to justify both the character and the actor are so fucking strange. White queer people should do fucking better than this. It is the bare fucking minimum to not be racist or not have been publicly racist in the past. Why not ask for a better fucking standard? ALSO with the actor, if you're trying to fucking argue that he's not like that any more, SHOW ME that he is a fucking anti racist and that he is fucking defending minority groups and that he understands the weight of his actions. SHOW ME how he understands his privilege and uses his platform and the money he is given to donate to and fund the protection of these groups. It is fucking sickening that people have decided they can defend or ignore or tolerate this man and it DISGUSTS ME that they have happily created an environment where people can't feel fucking safe or supported or heard.

The focus on that character is so fucking weird given the lack of screen time he has had, I'm really gonna stop talking about him at all soon because it gives him way too much weight. But it's disgusting. The way some people have to find a way to write Eddie and Chris out of Buck's life and rewrite over canon to bring more focus onto this man astounds me.

As a (lesbian? Idk not currently sure but kinda) queer person, Henren are such beautiful representation and I love them so much and ALSO the foundation of the whole show is basically found family. If you want to only focus on Buck then that's fine I guess, but it is literally written into canon that the family around him mean FUCKING EVERYTHING TO HIM so it's weird that people barely fucking look at it at all.

Anyway sorry I greatly appreciated your message and idk if all of this is related or relevant and it is not well structured but I was just feeling ranty and was inspired by you! I love you and I hope you have a brilliant day!

[borom1r]

1, 8, 17, 18, 20, 41, 45, 54, 93 for the non-fandom asks, 1, 3, 5-7, 12, 18-22, 24 for the fandom asks 🫡👀

THIS HAS BEEN IN MY INBOX FOR SO LONG + I ANSWERED IT IB MY NOTES AND JUST FUCKING FORGOT TO POST IT AAAAAAAAAAAAA

1. whats your favorite thing in your room?

plush boromir:3 hes so Shaped

8. favorite coping mechanism?

uuuuuuuuuuu noise cancelling headphones + loud music

17. do you want any tattoos? if so, where, what, and why?

YES. I want to get one on my upper arm — there’s an artist I really like who’s done free-to-use art + im going to get a piece of his tattooed w/ kennings for Óðinn and Þórr above + below

18. whats the most prominent dream youve had?

I still vividly remember this dream I had in high school where my alarm for school went off, I got up and went to start making myself toast and fucking. Michael Myers walks up from the basement (the garage door/basement stairs were just off the kitchen) + we stared at each other and my only thought before my Actual alarm went off was “damn, guess I better make more toast”

20. whats your ideal date?

REN FEST!!!!!!! unironically my local fest hosts weddings and I would. really really like to get married there in full armor. even if it’s just for tax benefits smjfjdjjfjdj

41. if you could announce one thing to the world what would it be?

WOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOF!!!!!!

45. do you prefer book over movie?

depends :3 ummmm a lot of times I think there are pros n cons to both mediums. sometimes I love a movie but also think the book is WAY better even if the movie is a masterpiece in its own right (a clockwork orange… cutting off the original ending to the book completely fucks the point of the story I think. I adore that movie but if you’ve never read the book…. 😑)

54. whats your best hottake?

my BEST????? idfk dude. my CURRENT hot take is that the changes the made to Faramir’s character for the movie were Good, Actually

93. whats your favorite item of clothing?

wolf hat :3 AND my leather jacket w all my patches

1. What is the first fandom you were ever a part of?

uuuuu like active online a part of… probs like. idek dude probably the fucking Warriors (1979 movie not cat books)

3. All-time favorite pairing?

I’m a spangel truther and I have been since middle school, so ig that

5. Favorite platonic pairing?

big fan of Boromir&Éowyn like obvs Boromir&Faramir + Théodred&Éomer&Éowyn bc they are Family but if we’re talking non-blood relations then I think Boromir&Éowyn is an excellent platonic pairing

6. Favorite headcanon?

I’ve almost called Boromir a faggot multiple times on instinct, so that. also transgender Faramir (what direction? you decide. they contain multitudes < I personally adore a he/they/te transmasc. I think te and Aragorn should both be allowed to use Sindarin pronouns. get funky with it)

7. Least favorite headcanon?

HRM. there are SOME utterly rancid takes from my SAW fandom days that I still think abt. evil. I shan’t speak of those times in public.

12. Craziest thing you've ever done as part of a fandom?

uh. idk?? I used to run a rlly popular ask blog for the characters of The Warriors (1979) that I believe is still out there?? lmao ok yea it is i just checked. that’s so funny that it’s still out there actually snfksjfjjs

18. All-time favorite fanfic?

that I’ve READ or that I’ve WRITTEN????

to read, literally anything Connor @angeltrapz has written but I’ll specifically drop this Princess Bride fic💗 https://archiveofourown.org/works/41272767?view_adult=true (TUMBLR WONT LET ME ACTUALLY LINK THE FIC EVIL AND HATEFUL. I can paste it + it generates a link tho. functioning fucking app)

fav that I’ve written…. highkey this one

19. Fanfic you read again and again?

other people’s fics?? this whole series: https://archiveofourown.org/series/183362

my own fics? literally any of my Faramir/Éomer fics that pairing is so fun

20. All-time favorite fanfic author?

CONNOR ANGELTRAPZ MY BESTIE!!!!!!!! also YOU duh????? ik it’s not fanfic Technically but like. BOY the rp is. creative project of all time perhaps?

21. Favorite fic trope?

i am a weak bitch for a good soulmate au. esp when there’s like. drama. im not exposing myself just know i think abt soulmate aus A Lot. < can u tell this has been sitting in my notes for A While lmfao

22. Least favorite fic trope?

idek???? I think any trope can be Done Well like I don’t normally enjoy chatfics but I’ve also read. some really good chatfics!! write what u love who cares

24. Funniest fandom-related story?

I’m gonna be so real w u I got into drama w a Lost Boys fandom mogul bc I was. A Homosexual and A Kinnie and they were NOT happy abt the fact I was like “yea all the lost boys are fucking.” I didn’t even know what to say abt that really. take it up w famously gay director Joel Schumacher if you don’t like me. A NOTORIOUS FAGGOT. going “yea I think these characters in a film directed by a gay man are gay”

this exact situation has happened to me 3 times across various fandoms. <- is just trying to sit in my little kinnie corner + be a weird fag in peace

[supermaks]

Yes pookie I do write f1c yes I have clowned on self insert and will continue to do so but Im not about to imply these 'y/n' social media authors are perpetuating a ‘cesspool of misogyny’ without acknowledging my own reproductions of capitalist, heteronormative, white supremacist and yes, particularly, homophobic and transphobic models. CRAZY how the thing about op's type of surface level literacy is that it’s literally just somebody’s own sense of superiority wrapped around framework that exists in a vacuum. Talking about girls/women being their ‘own voyeurs’ wid a lil Atwood quote and then going back to cope posting about millionaire men having gay drama without a lil bit of pause or reflection on how these 2 might intersect bro I can’t stand it its so empty it's nothing. Theres no purpose to that but posturing. And the tags of other rb's echo that. Like 'no my voyeurism is different than theirs because my characters are ‘fictional’, and these 15 year olds want to 'perform' as if the intention behind creating the ‘y/n’ fantasy thru social media doesn’t come from the same place as using celebrities to play queer roles wid each other that u as an author find satisfying by completely erasing the gender orders and logics of possession inherent to the spaces where they exist as real people. Especially in a space like f1 lmfao. It’s ALL escapism that’s the whole fucking point. It’s fantasy it’s delusion it’s not real but it justifies itself thru the author's own perception of what an 'ideal' reality is, and yes, that reality is always dominated by men. So why are we all of a sudden talking down to self insert as if the same power structures arent present in most fan work, as if the 'fictional approval' of y/n and the celebs peers isnt as important as the search for 'content' that institutionalizes real person f1c and its own levels of performance-based accuracy. Why isn't that present in this analysis or is its purpose just to clown on young girls wid capcut accounts because u don't find their reproductions worth the price of admission. There’s no ethical consumption of real person fanfiction lmfao SORRY my gay little maxiel is not more feminist than ig edit of sharl leclercs quirky model gf receiving fictional meme approval on twt just because mine has manifested itself thru a projected queer identity that I want to perform thru them by making them fuck and theirs is performing thru aesthetics by going on pinterest. We're all 'performing' for men because we're all responding to billions dollars worth of marketing driven by an industry that wants to keep marginalized bodies at the margin trying to buy their way in. Fans respond to that by faking their own status either wid gay f1c or self insert or both or whatvr. The parasocial nature of how celebs move today and the type of access u have wid social media means fans are more likely to turn to that medium to fantasize about how it wud be if they were perceived like that and they got the likes and the comments and the fans. So I agree wid op that its not actually 'y/n' , but like, not sure how 'wild' that is compared to most f1c considering literally, the whole point of fanfiction is that u play wid already familiar and existing structures until they reflect something that is more recognizable to u. I do that by turning these guys into multifaceted queer versions of themselves, somebody else might do that by editing an ig post, somebody might try both. So I dont agree wid any feminist analysis of f1c or self insert that isn't the very least intersectional and that is willing to make assumptions about how 'y/n' authors perform the male fantasy without mentioning how the same happens in every type of f1c. Im suspicious of its intention and I find it lacking

[foggy2109]

Analysing A&W because its my fav LDR song

Also this is my first ever post so idk wtf im doing lol

Also also tw for: rape ig and other mature and generally sad topics

//

Lana has this special ability where her lyrics seem to be from both the first and third person at the same time. Her descriptions are specific, but not obvious, it creates this unique duality in a way. And its what i love most abt her writing. Its so specific, but not obvious.

Part 1 (American Whore):

“I haven't done a cartwheel since i was nine”

Lana starts of the song by commenting on the premature loss of innocence in young girls (loss of innocence is a big theme throughout the song, just in different ways). Doing cartwheels is just kids being kids and goofing off, so by lana saying she hasn’t done one since she was nine (which i don’t think is necessarily meant in a literal sense), she’s saying that maybe she had to grow up too fast. Which is a very common experience among young girls (the whole ”girls mature faster than boys” thing).

There could also be a far more sinister ig connotation in that line, with girls especially being sexualized from a very young age. Themes of sexualization, esp of women, are present throughout the whole song, so it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s what she meant.

"I haven't seen my mother in a long, long time"

This can be linked to the loss of innocence thing. The absence of a mother figure probably leads to feelings if abandonment and such, which could lead people to look to external sources, like men to fill that void.

"I mean, look at me, look at the length of my hair"

"My face, the shape of my body"

"Do you really think I give a damn what I do"

"After years of just hearing them talking?"

This, i think, is obvious abt the focus society places on womens appearance. This obsession with looks overshadows everything else in a way (lana also talks abt this in black bathing suit, another incredible song).

"I say I live in Rosemead"

"Really, I'm at the Ramada"

"It doesn't really matter"

"Doesn't really, really matter"

More LA references lol (very typical of lana). So from what i know, rosemead is a nice, smaller neighborhood in la, while ramada is a chain of budget hotels. So, she says she is in this nice neighborhood when really she's hooking up with people in a motel. I love the way she says it doesn't matter, when you can clearly tell through the song that it does matter, and it does effect her.

"Call him up, come into my bedroom"

"Ended up, we fuck on the hotel floor"

"It's not about havin' someone to love me anymore"

This feels like sex as a coping mechanism (in the same way gods and monsters does). It also delves into the loss of innocence from the very first line, exept instead of loosing childhood innocence its where sex has transitioned from being an intimate act between two people who love each other vety very much into just an addiction or coping mechanism (also could tie back to ocean blvd with the “fuck me to death” line).

"This is the experience of bein' an American whore"

"Called up one drunk, called up another"

"Forensic Files wasn't on"

Forensic files is a true crime show i think (i haven't watched it). I get the sense from this that she knows what she is doing is self-destructive and dangerous; she has self-awareness, yet continues down this path. Unlike in “gods and monsters,” she’s not even in denial anymore, she’s not telling herself that “this is what she really wants.” Which i think is even sadder, like there is no delusion, she consciously doing this FULLY aware that its bad and dangerous.

Like this is not casual sex for fun.

"Watching Teenage Diary of a Girl"

"Wondering what went wrong"

"I'm a princess, I'm divisive"

The princess reference is juxtaposed to being divisive; to be perfect and passive yet also judged and divided.

I dont really know what “teenage diary of a girl.” Apparently its abt a girl starting a relationship with her mum’s boyfriend (??). I can only imagine this is supposed to abt the mother line from the begging.

"Ask me why, why, why I'm like this"

"Maybe I'm just kinda like this"

"I don't know, maybe I just like this"

It's clear why she is like this; society. The way society treats women, or "whores," the way society treats young girls, and the way society has treated lana specifically.

They judge womens bodies until they end up seeking validation from men, then judge them even more for being whores. Like it's crazy.

The "Maybe I'm just kinda like this ... I don't know, maybe I just like this" are probably the saddest lines in the whole song.

"I say I live in Rosemead"

"Really, I'm at the Ramada"

"It doesn't really matter"

"Doesn't really, really matter"

"Call him up, he comes over again"

"Yeah, I know I'm over my head, but, oh"

"It's not about havin' someone to love me anymore"

"No, this is the experience of bein' an American whore"

"I mean, look at my hair"

"Look at the length of it and the shape of my body"

"If I told you that I was raped"

"Do you really think that anybody would think I didn't ask for it?"

"I didn't ask for it"

Lana contrasts being raped with the fact that she enjoys casual sex. People see a “whore” and just assume they asked for it. After being sexually abused, the guilt and shame can be immense. You can feel dirty, and the world will call you a whore because of it.

Sex addiction is often a response to sexual abuse.

"I won't testify, I already fucked up my story"

This is def commentary on society’s ingrained misogyny and rape culture. The "didn’t testify, already fucked up my story" makes me think of the perfect/imperfect victim concept.

"On top of this, so many other things you can't believe"

The "can’t believe" bit also makes me think of how dismissive society is to women who come forward (like when the 97% figures were going around and a lot if men dismissed, or refused to acknowledge it).

"Did you know a singer can still be"

"Lookin' like a side piece at thirty-three?"

Women's value is often tied to youth and beauty. Despite being a successful singer, lana can still be reduced to just a "side piece." Society views her as past her prime.

When she's a side piece, she's having sex, but not a real, true emotional connection. As she's already stated, she doesn't care about "love" anymore, which is a really dark, and scary place to be mentally. She has given up on being valued for anything other than just her body (also loosing innocence in what “love” is).

"God's a charlatan, don't look back, babe"

"Puts the shower on while he calls me"

"Slips out the back door to talk to me"

These lines are obviously about how this man is hiding his relationship with lana from whoever he is actually with.

"I'm invisible, look how you hold me"

"I'm invisible, I'm invisible"

"I'm a ghost now, look how you hold me now"

Despite their apparent physical closeness, she feels invisible and unseen in their relationship.

The more she is giving into these loveless relatioships the more she's disappearing in a way. This was also the theme in the song "How to Dissapear" of NFR.

This whole section also taps into the complicated-ness of being the “other woman” or “side piece” in a relationship. This part of the song forces us to confront this moral ambiguity.

Part 2 (Jimmy):

This part of the song, with the production feels like Lana playing up the part of the "whore."

"It's not about havin' someone to love me anymore (oh, okay)"

"No, this is the experience of bein' an American whore"

"It's not about havin' someone to love me anymore"

"No, this is the experience of bein' an American whore"

"This is the experience of bein' an American whore"

"This is the experience of bein' an American whore"

"Jimmy, Jimmy, cocoa puff, Jimmy, Jimmy ride"

"Jimmy, Jimmy, cocoa puff, Jimmy, get me high (oh, my God)"

"Love me, if you love enough, you can be my light"

"Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high"

According to genius: “Her delivery of these lines interpolates the 1959 song “Shimmy Shimmy KO KO Bop” which is about a man being entranced by an exotic woman (and her dancing). This is most likely meant as innuendo given the sexual themes that are discussed in “A&W.”

It’s also apparently an old children’s clapp-along game, which takes us back to the very beginning of the song, with the loss of innocence, and the sexualization of young girls.

I think jimmy just represents all these men who she's hooking up with (could also be a tie back to ultraviolence). Also a “coacoa puff is a cigarette laced with cocaine lol.

"Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high"

"Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high"

"Jimmy only love me when he wanna get high"

"Your mom called, I told her you're fucking up big time"

The repetition of Jimmy only loving her when he wants to get high shows that these relationships are transactional in nature and devoid of real affection or connection.

After this part, in the rest of the song, lana's voice goes in and out, it becomes distorted, and the beat becomes heavier. Maybe it's the drugs, or maybe it's meant to represent her giving up.

We know from earlier in the song that she knows this is bad for her so... maybe this is her way of ignoring how bad it actually is, just giving into it.

[uglyduckling339]

KY'S LIFE IS STRANGE DOUBLE EXPOSURE NONSENSE LIVEBLOG: Chapter 1

(spoilers obvi) (these will only make sense if u watched or played the game and even then it may be shakey lmao)

tutorial

(edit lmfao i forgot to post this on wednesday, its been sitting in my drafts so thats y some of the comments sound weird)

chat i fear this was such a bad playthrough on my behalf...

LOVE LOVE LOVE max having trauma. i want to see her suffer in this game

LIS2 PHOTO !!!!

something i havent seen alot of people mention is the fact that bc they have a diff pose, it's likely that they took a bunch (or at least 2) selfies and gave one to david then kept the other. (also means rhat chloe could have a version of this pic as well !!!!)

pricefield travelling bc they couldn't js settle down </3 (somebody remind me and i'll do my pricefield analysis btw)

depending on the outfit you pick, max can have pink tips !!!! #canonpinkhair

JOURNAL .

OH MY GOD SHES WRITING TO CHLOE.

stop okay i love this new journal. the idea that post storm she got a whole new one; max dissociating after the storm (she says the days blurred n stuff), max always being "stuck in the past", chloe never looking at her the same after she learned abt joyce, so much angst oml

"she left me" oh my god

okay i need to move on from the journal lmfao

ngl i actually love amanda as a friend. she fr brought max food and noticed rhat taking pictures helps her cope best

okayyy reggie is my new fav side character. he's such a cutie pootie fr

ew it's fake rachel amber

VINH?? THE VINH??

TAKE THAT BIPHOBIC MAX "FANS"

vinh and max have chemistry better then her and Amanda i fear

LMFAOO?? WHY DOES MAX HAVE THE REPUATION OF A LOCK-PICK?? WHAT DID SHE DO BRUH💀😭

i need gwen so badly tbh. i'm like 80% sure shes not evil and she's rhe david madsen of this game

actually ykw i need ALL of yall. this whole game is full of baddies

i love the accent that safi and her mom have.

that suicide question is fucking stupid bc?? the game is about solving a murder?? who would pick the probably option thats crazy (girl who picked the probably option)

i'm ngl from this point onward i started lowkey speedrunning the game and thats when i fucked up so i'm gonna replay soon and slow tf down😭😭

LORETTA WHEN I CATCH YOU LORETTA.

LET ME GET HER. LEMME AT HER.

im gonna beat this bitches ass oh my god

GWEN NO CUM BACK- I MEAN CUM- I MEAN CU-

shit i think gwen's rhe one i need to actually like me but like😭 im so bad without rewind

i love moses but blud is yappin too much tbh

yes king i miss her too. yes king men can cry too. yes king you can grieve. now give me magic

bye why is loretta theatening max.

max is SO unbothered by that threat💀 shes like "i rewound time to save my ex-gf from being shot and the kid who shot her continued to harass me for the rest of rhe week until my professor murdered him (and kidnapped me and killed my ex gf), this is so NOT a big deal"

chat so i MAY have gotten scared after gwen and avoided beefing with lucas. another mistake to fix next gameplay ig

yay magic

i miss using L2. R1 is such a stupid ass button

okay so all in all, its so interesting to see the ending percentages. especially knowing that its mostly super fans bc of the ultimate thing.

also interesting that as of 8pm EST on opening day, 59% of players chose bae>bay. also like a overwhelming majority romanced chloe and that is SO important to note to me

i'm 100% gonna resume chapter 2 tmmr and rhen likely start a new save at some point next week to slow down and REALLY focus on the details that i missed cuz i missed hella stuff

[time-is-restored]

ted lasso 3x11

got through the latest episode tonight, below are unassorted ramblings abt a kansas ending (which i, despite being almost certain is where the show is heading, am still ardently rooting against):

so i was talking a little with my family abt the extremely likely kansas ending*, and was mentioning how much i really don't vibe with it. i said smth like 'i mean, what's even there for him in kansas?' to which they said (fairly, and rightfully!) 'his son!'. like, that's a pretty bulletproof argument, so i guess im just writing this to figure out why i feel like even that isn't. idk. enough?

[*though if that is the ending, what's the point of the cliffhanger? it's the most obvious + expected outcome, how would it be a 'reveal'? idk, some part of me is still praying for one of those classic Twists™ ig]

like. we've known that ted has a kid since day one. we've known that he loves + misses that kid since day one. according to the text, the number one reason ted left kansas was as a last ditch effort to save his marriage, by giving michelle as much space as humanly possible. they were divorced by the middle of the season, and ted chose to stay at the end.

so like. idk. am i missing something? did he just stay bc he felt an obligation to the team? and now that they're doing well (absurdly, breaking the bounds of belief well), he feels okay moving on? like many ppl have already pointed out, that's a pretty standard plot line in these kind of stories: the mary poppin's style exit stage right. but, say ted goes home (potentially even without beard???? agh??). what's happened to him, these past few seasons? what's different now?

like, it kind of feels like im only gonna be hurt by reading in between the lines here, but kansas doesn't seem to hold a lot of good associations for ted w/o the bedrock of his + michelle's marriage. he's reduced to a morose, spaced out mess within 5 minutes of talking with his mother, he very nearly goes through the Extremely fucked up move of paying someone to spy on michelle after seeing her + jake together for an afternoon, and ofc if anything even remotely reminds him of his dad he gets triggered really badly.

and of course, maybe the idea is 'well, he's started to cope with that all now, and he's starting to talk openly with his mum + grieve his dad, so he has the tools to return' but like. does he???? his support system are EXTREMELY london based. setting aside sharon since he could always telehealth w her, all of the positive progress he's made in his 'home' life seem to exclusively come after he talks w his support group at richmond.

he ended up admitting he was mad at michelle after speaking with the diamond dogs, he was pulled out of his obsessive spiral by rebecca, and he was able to put words to his feelings abt his mum by talking w jamie. to be clear, those are all massively positive things for ted to have done, and i think they at least make a good case for ted progressive positively w his mental health (even if its all gotten a bit tell don't show in this last season). but like. what happens when all that's on the other side of an ocean?

to be clear, from the perspective of real life, it absolutely makes sense that ted would want to return to his son. but on a narrative level, im just. i feel like im being expected to take certain things about ted + henry's relationship for granted, when the text itself hasn't even tried to make those things apparent.

is henry miserable or even generally upset when he has to leave his dad/go back to his mum? not that we ever see! im pretty sure the only time we've seen henry explicitly upset is when ted was ignoring him while he was like five feet away which, yeah, mood! and last we saw, henry even sees more enthused abt richmond winning the whole thing than ted is, so its not like he thinks his dad is just going away to do absolutely nothing of import.

do ted and henry not spend a lot of time together/talk very often? technically we don't see enough of ted's daily routine to know for sure, but the casual mention of playing roblox seems to imply they spend a lot of time together! and ofc none of their phone calls ever have the vibe of 'i haven't spoken to you in ages, here's ALL THE THINGS you've missed!'. they're almost all abt stuff that happened that day.

is ted struggling with being away from henry? well... yes, duh, but i don't even think this season's done particularly well establishing THAT (incredibly obvious and free) piece of ted characterisation.

is ted capable of feeling anything other than vague nostalgia (ie: all of his annecdotes being set there) or extreme distress wrt kansas? apparently not! like, seriously, what is there for him? does he have any friends? a job? family that isn't his mother? where's he gonna live? does he miss the weather? his neighbours? like i am literally on my hands and knees give me ONE (1) concrete opinion ted has about the fucking place that isn't about its FOOD (<- ESPECIALLY coming off the back of an episode where ted was able to experience texan food So Authentic™ that it inspired a literal career-changing epiphany?? like HOW are we supposed to take that as anything other than 'ted is at his best when he acknowledges BOTH of his lives rather than cutting one out in favour of the other'???).

idk. i guess my real problem this late in the game is i can see so many POTENTIAL versions of this show, but what ive been given doesn't feel like it matches up with any of them.

i can imagine a story in which ted's avoidance + variations upon running-away tactics for dealing w conflict get thoroughly deconstructed and challenged while in london, so at the end of the show he's finally emotionally prepared to return to his life in kansas even though it's never going to be a fairytale picturesque no-problems-ever ending again.

i can imagine a story in which going back to kansas isn't good for ted, and will be a major sacrifice, but it's a sacrifice he will be making with the support of his new friends + family, and something that he is determined to make in order to be there w his son, all meaningfully juxtaposed w how he feels his dad 'quit' on him.

i can imagine a story where ultimately, the life that ted's made alongside richmond is just as important to him as his life in kansas, and so he + michelle work out a more equal and long-term custody arangement* with henry (it definitely seems like the 'you get him for the whole year and i get him on school break' was something haphazardly worked out while they were both still under the assumption he'd be in richmond for less than a year), and they alternate who goes to whose home for holidays and shit.

[*side note, why hasn't that come up at all? i'd personally think somewhere around the six month mark of working overseas i'd want to have a talk w my expartner + kid about a schedule that isn't so much of a 80/20 split? like, it's fine if henry moving isn't on the table at all for one reason or another, but at least take the time to actually SAY that??? like, what does michelle do for a living? why is SHE so happy to stay there? give me Literally Anything here gang!!!]

...but ultimately what ive actually seen on screen feels like it fits into none of those categories. eleven hours (in as many episodes!! HOUR! long! episodes!!!!!!) in and i feel like i know infinitely less about ted + his mental state than i did in s1. like, from episode to episode, the writer's aren't sure if he's stuck, or progressing, or going through that classic recovery 'one step forwards, two steps back' dance, or just completely and utterly depressed. there's no continuity. nothing that happens to him in one episode seems to have literally any bearing at all on the ted in the next episode. if u scrubbed all of the notable Ted Scenes™ of any overarching plot references, and shuffled them all up, i genuinely think you would end up w a plateau of scenes totally indistinguishable from each other!*

[*of course, this is my main critique of s3 for like. literally everyone, but it's paticularly damning when im left feeling this lost about the main fucking guy.]

i don't know. i guess after the past few weeks of being really genuinely hurt + angry + upset abt the choices made this season, the feeling im left with near the end of it all is. underwhelmed. and im really not sure what 3x12 could possibly do to change that feeling... even if i am still regrettably, but sincerely rooting for a last minute switcheroo.

[bite-scars]

18+, MINORS DNI

Ageless blogs will be blocked

Dark kink and fiction blog. Seriously, if any specific kinks or dynamics bother you, this is likely not a safe or pleasant place to browse. Look after yourself ♡

This post will update periodically, please keep an eye out for Limit changes and etc

About Me

I follow/like from @corvid-cerebrum, check it out for a more well-rounded experience i guess lol

My name's not a secret or anything but I'd prefer you use petnames or nicknames (Birdie and doll are the first that come to mind, Kid counts as a petname with the right energy lol. Nothing is explicitly ruled out as of yet but a helpful "no" list will be made eventually)

I have self-harm scars. I'm not clean from it, i don't see myself quitting, it is partially a kink thing. Things may appear in photos. Any blood will be appropriately tagged. I in no way want to encourage it for anyone else, it's a terrible coping mechanism and can be extremely dangerous. If it makes you uncomfortable please block. I find them attractive on myself and am content with this. I don't intend to hide myself on my own blog or feel shame for feeling attractive, it would go against the entire purpose of having this blog in the first place. Posts mentioning it explicitly will be tagged with "tw sh" for those with that muted/blocked. Please respect this warning and proceed according to your best interests.

5'1 short king mama ey

Nonbinary/genderfluid transmasc, certified prettyboy, working on getting T and top surgery

They/them primarily but really wanting to test out he/him and it/its more

Just a little creature. A housecat. A pretty bird. An unknown entity to study and unravel and pick apart piece by piece to see what makes it tick.

AuDHD

Bi/pan, aro+ace-spec

Switch, dom-leaning in theory, sub-leaning in practice (for now)

Married ♡

Poly but not currently interested in/in a place for building new connections

Just here to figure out what I'm into, explore gender a bit, and embrace the art of posting explicitly horny cringe (art, writing, fan content, thirst posting, anything I still get embarrassed over people seeing).

The goal is to eventually use this like my main but with 0 shame, so it might end up pretty eclectic.

Boundaries

Not comfortable with direct flirting or dms in general (unless asking me to remove a tag from your post or something like that)

Asks to talk about kinks, posts I've made, or anything else really are ok but not guaranteed to be answered due to low social battery ^^; I do love interacting when I'm able, I'm addicted to attention ;p

I'm not Super into the whole mutuals thing as of yet (on account of the afformentioned social battery) but that may change as I get more comfortable here :)

I mostly only tag for clarity/categorization

(ie if you have any big Nopes please tread carefully)

• ♧ - Fictional Characters Only. I like the concept/kink but primarily to explore through characters and not myself

• ♤ - I'm picturing myself on the dominant side of the concept

• ◇ - I'm picturing myself on the submissive side of the concept

• ♡ - both is good

• Need - would like to try something similar irl given the right opportunity

• Spare Parts - pictures of me :3

• Not a kink - just yapping bc I feel safer posting over here than on main ig lol

• Art, Writing, Fic, Word Vomit, Concept - Things I've made myself, all pretty self explanatory. The difference between Writing and Fic is just ocs vs existing characters, Word Vomit is effectively brainstorming out loud anything i don't have the energy to structure into a better format, Concept is effectively the middle ground between Writing and Word Vomit.

• the wolverine brainrot strikes again - also self explanatory-- If you're trying to avoid spoilers like the plague or have beef with this guy/people drooling over him feel free to block this one lol

○ I might also tag for specific ocs/ existing characters, depending. If you're not ok with blorbo-tagging on your posts just shoot me a dm and I'll untag that bit and do my best to avoid doing so in the future, no problem at all :)

More may be added in the future but this is a good starting point i think

Body-related language/terms I vibe with:

Ok: chest, dick, tdick, cock, hole, boyhole (could refer to front or back). Pussy and cunt are on thin ice for the time being

No thank you: clit, breasts, tits, most other words typically used for boobs, you know how it is

Kinks/Limits List

Subject to change and fill up more as I figure things out

Favorite

Finally some good fucking food, foaming at the mouth about it, shows up in more fantasies than not, etc etc

Biting

Marking

Cnc

Knifeplay

Into

Cheers I'll drink to that bro

Praise

Bondage

Exhibitionism (i like feeling like art on display in particular 🌸)

Size kink

Teratophilia

Corruption

Rarely into, but not Never

Very picky about it, or very dependent on my mood

Petplay

Hypnosis

Roachification

Exploring

I have feelings about it but I'm not sure what kind yet

Fauxcest

Ageplay

Hard Pass

Mostly no shade, just not for me

Detrans

Scat

Any kind of food/weight control

It should go without saying that anything genuinely (as in, not solely fantasy/negotiated/roleplay/etc) nonconsensual or harmful (RACK excluded ofc, mentioning for clarity) is not acceptable here, DNI

I also just block anyone that makes me uncomfortable or is an outright dick✌️ protecting my peace.

[clovercow8228]

gillion and chip as hadestown!orpheus and eurydice

ok so i was listening to hadestown again because i love it dearly and i am still desperately trying to cope with ep 101 and i was like haha. chip and gillion as orpheus and eurydice. because yknow in the context of the actual myth you could compare it to the whole feywild arc and whatnot.

but then i listened to it more (more than halfway through the first song) and i realized it’s way better (worse) if you have it the other way around with chip as hadestown eurydice and gillion as hadestown orpheus. (there’s another way to read it too but we’ll get to that because it’s a bit more convoluted since. well it’s basically a game theory atp)

i’m going through this song by song because i have never felt happiness or peace ever

Road to Hell: ok so ignoring the gods for now. road to hell does eurydice a little dirty so for this song it’s just orpheus i’m talking about, but hermes describes him as a muse’s son and touched by the gods themselves. ok cool whatever so what Any Way the Wind Blows: “eurydice was a hungry young girl / a runaway from everywhere she’d ever been”? like yeah ok sure cool (side note? “ain’t nobody gonna stick around when the dark clouds roll” and  for chip, mr. constantly both afraid his crew will stay and will leave anytime something bad happens and who literally lost his family in the hole in the sea? silly.) plus for orpheus, “and this poor boy wore his heart on his sleeve / you might say he was naive to the ways of the world / but he had a way with words”. that’s my boy right there

Come Home with Me: most of this is just very funny (”oh, a liar and a player too?”) but “why would i become his wife?” “because he’ll make you feel alive” kinda got me a little tbh. and there’s also the ongoing theme of orpheus working on something to fix the balance of the world, which he can do because he’s touched by the gods.

Livin’ it Up on Top: most of this i’ll talk about when i talk about the gods because woo boy that should be a post of its own with how much psychological damage it caused me. but “there was a girl who had always run away / you might say it was in spite of herself / that this young girl decided to stay” for chip?

All I’ve Ever Known: yeahhhhhhhh nothing real metaphorical about this one. fnc shippers come get yalls juice ig idk that’s really all for that one

A Gathering Storm: title aside, the whole thing is eurydice being concerned about the practical way they will survive the winter while orpheus works on his song to make the world right again.

When the Chips are Down: hand to god i did not think about that pun until now. but yeah this whole song really sold it for me. “help yourself (to hell with the rest), even the one who loves you best / take if you can (give if you must), ain’t nobody but yourself to trust / aim for the heart (shoot to kill), if you don’t do it then the other one will” are interesting enough to think about with chip because basically his whole thing is not turning out like that but there are still some times (mainly early on) that he gets a little closer to those ideas. finally, “cast your eyes to heaven / you get a knife in the back”. put your life in the hands of anything but yourself and you get fucked over.

Wait for Me intro: alright one god i can pitch right now. hermes with the “so, just how far would you go for her? you got a ticket? yeah, i didn’t think so. course there is another way, but nah, i ain’t supposed to say.” being as mean as possible rn? hermes as niklaus would work as absolutely unfortunate as that is. which also makes the “ain’t no compass, brother, ain’t no map” line in the actual song even funnier since it’s hermes describing how to get to the underworld to save eurydice.

Wait for Me: the fates hit orpheus with the self doubt and worry that essentially he’s not the chosen one, part one. don’t really need to explain that one

Way Down Hadestown (Reprise): now hear me out on this. because hades’ whole bit is deals for people’s souls. eurydice signs a deal to give him her soul in exchange for not starving to death, and this song is her realizing what that really means and trying to defend it. which i will admit, makes it seem like it would work for niklaus too. but we’ll come back to that

If it’s True: “is this how the world is? to be beaten and betrayed and then be told that nothing changes?” now this one got me a little, between gillion’s ‘my last sin’ speech and what he said to jay in the block.

Intro to Wait for Me (Reprise): “it’s a trap?” “it’s a trial.” hermes explaining to orpheus and eurydice the conditions of them being allowed to leave. at the end of the day, according to hermes, their success rides on whether they trust each other and themselves. arguably the most recurring theme of riptide.

Doubt Comes In: orpheus doubting that he actually has the power to bring her back, thinking he has been tricked or is too weak to do it. in gillion’s own mind, his fatal flaw is not knowing if he believes he can be the chosen one or protect his friends. and for orpheus, he couldn’t.

a good amount of the songs are missing because i haven’t talked about hades and persephone yet. they’re. a separate issue

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

I love the whole of eye for an eye in ways I cannot describe!!!! FORGIVE ME!!

the entirety of the first paragraph and the coping mechanisms is so HEARTBREAKING but they’re stated so plainly it’s like reader is just. idk like they blend in with the mundanity of everyday life!!!

ALL OF THESE LINES STICK WITH ME I wish I could paste the whole fic into the ask box and send it to you honestly

the only muscles that work are the ones that crinkle in disgust

Funny, he can’t hurt you as much as your own body can.

You made the mistake of being kindhearted. It’s what led you here. UGH this one makes me sick im sorry it’s so raw

Fuck your nice shirt. I hate you. I hate the way you look in it. I hate seeing you behind me in the mirror of the bathroom with the top button undone.

Leon doesn’t meet your eyes on Monday. You’ve won.

He tries to ignore it, tries to ignore you entirely. He doesn’t lock eyes with you on Monday. He eats lunch in his car. Alone. Just like you.

I WISH I could explain everything to you but all of it is just too good you are legit my fave writer on here.. like I don’t know you’re so GREAT LIZ!!! you just get it omg.. I love u. 😡

stoppppp cherry!! i'm gonna cry :,( i'm glad it had its intended effect even tho it's sad fic. while most fics are just fics (the way i write reader is super different from the way i would act typically) eye for an eye got a little dash of me sprinkled in there. (the IUD thing was a personal experience lmao). but yeah, maybe i should write more things from experience/personal feelings ig? since it's good (i trust your opinions)

am i fr your fave tumblr writer? bc that's insane?? i'm not *that* good (don't tell anyone but ur my fave writer on here) but i do hate you for giving me the ddlg mental eelness (jk lmao)!!

anyway, i love you too <3

[youremyheaven]

Hi ! I was giggling while reading your post about crushes and how you are feeling about love . It's too cute 🥺 🥰 and the phase that all of us go through when we have crushes😅🥰

I haven't been in a relationship or have dated anyone not that it's a bad thing . I love seeing all my girlies in love sharing their experiences. Basically I love LOVE idk if it makes any sense 🤣.

I had an unrequited love type of story with this person . He's a distant family member. I used to admire him very much like the way he used to talk with such respect, warm smiles , witty , making everyone laugh , sooo down to earth , making sure everyone felt included etc . We used to meet on different family functions n all and he's a close friend of my cousin . We held mutual respect for one other and I used to search for him and act as if I was not looking for him . It felt like gravity was working way harder when he's around . I gradually developed a crush around 15 yrs and it turned into idk whatever well into my mid 20's . We used to talk , tease , motivate and give tips to each other , there was never flirting involved. I used to think for years and feel sad that he's not interested in me but the things he'd do for me spoke otherwise. Here n there the elders of the family thought we'd make a good couple but his family wasn't happy with it . There were never direct confrontations or anything . His mother and grandmother used to love me , sometimes throw indirect remarks on my family's financial situation it used to hurt me a little but I know where I came from and will never forget , but when it came to matter of our marriage she staright out refused cuz obviously they wanted a rich bride and they did get him .He's now married to a lovely women and they have a beautiful and healthy baby boy now . The irony I didn't even know that this all was going in the background that they refused me and the search for a bride and found her , the marriage was set till I got the wedding invitation. My cousin told me recently what was going on then . All was said n done . I loved him , idk if he loved me or I just projected . I deep down knew that this will not workout cuz he was already in a compromised situation with his family and I'd tell myself that he didn't have any feelings to cope with the situation . He's now married and has a son . Guess what?! his wedding anniversary is just a day after my parents wedding anniversary and they got pregnant right after my birthday. 😅

I did think that i should've gathered a lill courage and kept all inhibitions aside to go n convey my feelings to him then our lives would've been so different. It doesn't matter now and I'm so happy that he's happy with his family 😊. The love and respect I've for him will still be there . It makes my heart feel a different kind of happy when I see him now . Him and his wife are so cute smiling and are very welcoming. I feel so good watching them from afar and I have nothing but to feel happy for them .

That was love for me , now I don't think want to love right now . Definitely will be looking forward to LIFE n LOVE ig 💗

hii angel 🥺

i love LOVE too 😩its the best feeling in the world 🥰

omg that was a whole hindi 400 episode soap opera right there, i could picture it all, a Gurmeet Choudhary kind of guy is how i pictured the man, and you're a Drashti Dhami type of gal, his wife is a Shrenu Parikh type lady

sometimes the most profound experiences of love we have are of love that isn't consummated. not every thing has to end with a conventional "happily ever after" in order for it to be meaningful. you loved him and even if he didn't know it, the experience of loving him, changed you as a person. your heart has the ability to wish and hope for someone's well being just because. only love can do that to a person.

who knows what would've happened if you had confessed your feelings. it may or may not have been positive but let's believe whatever happened is how it was meant to be.

real relationships are often not as easy or satisfying as loving someone from a distance. i was so upset by so much when i was in a relationship with my ex, but after ending things with him, it feels easier to only remember the love and warmth. i'm not someone who can hate anybody so i didn't expect to hate him and nor do i but my heart feels so light and easy with the kind of love i have for him. i dont have to worry about the messiness of the relationship anymore. and the love we give, we cant really take back and i hope in his moments of defeat, if at all it helps, he thinks of how much i loved him and it gives him the strength to go on. ok ill stop now before i cry lmao

i hope you can continue to be happy for your person but i also hope a warm, nourishing and tranquil love, waits for you around the corner. you deserve to be loved as much as you love others. i hope you have a wonderful week ahead 💗💖