#but its like... when you sympathize with people you dont know.

[elysiae]

do you think operator & drifter treat their warframes wildly differently?

somewhat insufficient TLDR: i think the operator and drifter are emotionally attached but in vastly, strikingly different ways, and it manifested very, very differently too.

in operator's case, it isn't that they dont *care*, but they know how durable a warframe is. they know they can take one hell of a hit, and they'll be okay because that warframe takes the brunt of it (albeit with some phantom pain if the damage is bad enough). theyre less comfortable outside the confines of those large, bulky war machines because they know they're ultimately safe. those warframes can take hits. they cannot. the operator knows they were people, but they never met those people before the tragedy. besides... a lot of them really are just empty shells. they're hardly the people they once were, especially since they recreated those warframes from blueprints. don't get me wrong, they do remember the anguish of the originals - they were there, they lived it, and they still have empathy for them... but the operator knows the limits of every warframe like the back of their hand - they can maneuver however they want, they can take hits, they can run into armies and not be too afraid because they (as in the operator and the warframe this time) be fine. even if the warframe is damaged, they can fix the damage, so no harm done.

but drifter on the other hand? at first i think they never really realised the power they had. in their mind they were still them, just running, rolling on the occasion, it took them ages to maneuver those things *properly*, and probably only ever really learned with the operator's guidance. they would not let a warframe take a hit, not because they felt empathy for it (at least not a lot, last i checked you kind of need at least *some* to have effective transference?) but because they were so used to walking around vulnerable. yknow, not inside a killing machine. but what would've really solidified the difference was after they went to 1999. sure, hearing that these things used to be people is one thing, but at the end of the day, to drifter, they're still just machines. drifter never got to experience what the tenno did, they never had to deal with reaching into their freshly scarred minds to ease their anger, sorrow, fear, rein them in like the terrified animals they were turning into and hush their cries with understanding - they only knew the dead inside remnants... but it's an entirely other thing when you go to the past and see the people who were hurt. you meet them and you get to know them, become their best friends - maybe even date one of them - and it hit drifter like a fuckin' freight train. they have this entirely different view on warframes from that cold perspective they had at first. they weren't just war machines. those are people. every time they go into the head of those machines, they're looking through the eyes of *people.* people who had families and desires and hobbies, things they looked forward to, entire futures ahead of them that were snuffed out. people who were scared, people who didn't know what was happening. people who knew what was happening, who lived in fear knowing they weren't able to stop it... people who lived in fear of losing themselves. and i think it hit drifter a lot harder than they'd ever admit.

but thats not to say one of them is more attached than the other - both of them care deeply about their warframes. it's just that, they have different ways of looking at them. after all their experiences were so vastly different, it'd be impossible to look at them the same way.

(too lazy to type it out all over, but i have an example in the tags i think kinda helps pull it together more)

[mossterunderthebed]

Jujutsu Kaisen Observation #4:

i do not like how well i can understand Mai. geez.

[mythalism]

That post you reblogged made me realize that Rook being uncurious and only thinking in straight lines got them recruited because Varric doesn't want someone who could be easily swayed to Solas's side. If the Inquisitor was a romanced Lavellan, I can see Varric viewing his boss as someone who isn't thinking straight when it comes to Solas, and it's probably why even Lavellan herself seeks out Rook's opinion on whether or not to reconcile with Solas, because Rook is expected to be incapable falling for Solas's "charm", which could literally just be Solas telling the truth, but anyway. Realizing this does make the game worse for me, 'cause it feels like a minority's plight being brushed aside in favor of a centrist's need to defend the status quo. Sorry for rambling. Thanks for reblogging that post. :)

i think this is a really interesting watsonian way of looking at this but i agree its ultimately a flop. playing up rook's supposed lack of bias and value as an outside perspective when it came to solas could have been really interesting too if it wasnt being done in a way that was ultimately designed to rob the situation of nuance rather than add it. imagine if alongside harding's rose-colored view of the inquisitor and their relationship to solas you had another companion (or even ghost varric. or advisor!merrill because she should have been there) warning you to be wary of anything they say about him, that they're biased in his favor and untrustworthy.

with a lavellan you could have bellara or davrin warning you of how they grew up hearing the story of how the inquisitor betrayed their people when they fell for the dread wolf's tricks. how the tale of a romanced, vallaslin-less lavellan is now whispered around dalish campfires to elven children as a lesson of exactly what will happen if they ignore the keeper's wisdom and allow the dread wolf to catch their scent. another betrayer who trusted fen'harel and lost their blood writing. who got their clan killed. who lost everything. toss in a couple bad-faith interpretations of the inquisition's greatest PR nightmares and its a perfect mirror of how solas's story was misconstrued in the same way. of course, none of it is the truth. it wasn't really their fault. they didnt know! wait. where have i heard that before...

and then rook goes to meet them - all of these disparate views of who they are fresh in their minds. are they the kind, admirable, worthy, holy savior that harding idolizes? are they a tragic, pathetic fool chasing after a doomed love? are they a fen'harel sympathizing turncoat elf who's about to manipulate you into dooming the world (again)? are they just a person doing their best? (are they just like you?) well. rook is the perfect person to make that judgement! right? because they're so perfectly unbiased and completely objective, because being completely unbiased and objective as a person is possible, right? and because being unbiased and objective IS the goal and is always superior to being swayed by passion or emotion, right? except. now the inquisitor is in front of you and... its kind of hard to tell. they seem like anyone else you've talked to. they seem a little sad and lonely. they are pretty level-headed about the whole thing. more than you expected. an inquisitor with high approval with solas would speak about him positively, maybe a little love-sick, but they dont seem completely bamboozled. one who hated solas would speak of him with disdain, but... how can you be sure they arent just lying? they worked with him for a year. they let him stick around in their inner circle! they could be trying to fool you into a false sense of security!

maybe you have to accept or deny their help, or accept or deny a plan they present. it seems pretty sound, but how can you know? is it all a ploy to betray you and save him? can they be trusted? if you reject them; harding and the other companions that view them positively are furious. how could you have just denied one of the greatest allies to your cause? but if you choose to trust them, the companions who distrust the inquisitor are just as angry. how could you have put the entire fate of the world at jeopardy like this!? your sympathy is going to get everyone killed! they're manipulating you just like he does! how could you trust someone so clearly under solas's thumb!?

no, listen, its ok, rook tells them. they're different, because rook is not biased. thats why varric chose them, remember!? rook has an outsider's perspective, and thats what we needed, remember!? the attachment to solas that the inquisitor had, no matter the strength of it (loathing vs love) was a weakness! dont you see!? rook's outsider, unbiased, objective perspective on the situation was better! only through this perspective could they make the CORRECT choice!

except... you dont know solas. you dont know anything real about him. you dont know what is meaningful to him, his weaknesses, his desires. you dont know him as a person, only as an abstract god-like figure. you dont understand how his brain works. you dont know that he hates tea and can beat anyone in chess. you didnt take the time to understand him. just like you didnt take the time to understand the inquisitor. and now, without the inquisitor's aid you lose valuable information, allies, resources. your final battle gets significantly harder. you are locked out of specific endings. maybe your companions die.

all because you fell into the same trap as solas. you refused to trust. you refused to take the time to understand your opponent. you wrote them off as villainous, untrustworthy, betrayer. you gave myth the weight of history. you tried to do it all on your own. you couldn't acknowledge the bias inherent within yourself. you thought you were the only one who could make the right decision for the world. rather prideful, isnt it?

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hi, may i request some headcanons for Toby, Ej and Ben with a S/O who is really clumsy and always has new bruises?

toby, ej, and ben x reader who is clumsy

my legs hurt i hate how they tense up when i get stressed out it hurts so much notes: reader is gn, ben is platonic as i do not feel comfortable writing romantic for him, heavy hcs for all of them naturally but esp ben cws: edit

toby

he has a little bit of a disconnect between pain and injuries- both for himself and other people. obviously for himself its because of his CIPA, and that leaks into how he perceives others. he knows it hurts for them but he doesnt fully understand to what degree

still, he does his best to sympathize with you when you get hurt- actually you guys likely come up with a system.. a scale to rank how painful it is.. not just for physical pain! i can easily see this being used as a general thing for you guys to rate an experience both lightheartedly and as a serious thing

gets you meds as well as an icepack for your bruises so youre not too sore- hopefully

keeps an eye on the coloring of your skin, headcanon that he keeps tabs of the look of how an injury looks to determine severity.. as well as generally having a curiosity

he doesnt outwardly judge you all that much for your clumsiness, he knows his tics have caused some accidents so hes not going to fault you for a lot of your accidents

eyeless jack

tries to find a reason for your clumsiness, or at least tries to clear it of "okay do you have something internally thats happening", and if you actually do he does what he need to accommodate you

makes sure you dont needlessly get put into a situation that can lead to you getting hurt, he doesnt babyproof his place or yours.. nor does he treat you like youre a kid, but he does make precautions

lightly scolds you for not being careful if youre careless and roll with it as you get hurt- he doesnt want you to get hurt even if its something small

knows some tricks to lessen bruises before they get too bad, as well as ways to relieve any pain and swelling

medical interest really coming in clutch!

he hears crashing sounds and he just preps himself for whats about to transpire

he loves you but he does try to help you manage your clumsiness

ben

he thinks its a little funny that youre constantly hurting yourself, as long as its not a major injury- he also thinks its a little... pathetic... its a little mean for him to think that but hey, hes a bit of an asshole so its to be expected

he cant do much most of the time on account of him not being physically there- stuck in your phone or computer or some other device. but he does try to verbally be there for you- there in spirit!

if hes connected to the internet and hes able he does try to find some solutions to either lessen your clumsiness or how to make your bruises fade faster

tries to see if theres a cause to your clumsiness but its mostly him bullshitting you

"it could be a tumor" "you little shit its not a tumor"/ref/hj

more of a "lets move on and forget about it" kind of person, which isnt terrible especially if you find yourself embarrassed by your clumsiness

[pearlsinoystersflesh]

A Train Back to London.

ellabs x reader.

part two.

warnings: toxic ellabs, insults, mentions of abuse, drugs and drugs on top of drugs, smut, angst, daddy and mommy (?) issues, this is a lot about the build up to the first part, corruption, ellie and abby are loosely built off of joe goldberg, nothing im writing is romanticized.

it really wasn't your choice.

you grew up surviving on scraps, barely, with an alcoholic father who was absolutely no help. you liked to believe he tried- your mother only stayed so you had a father, but you always thought it'd be easier to love him if they were divorced. still, your mother wasn't perfect, but how could she when she gave birth to children with the same blood as her abuser?

it was always harder for you. being so understanding, you listened- you began to take the role of your father, you began to sympathize with him. all the abuse became nothing, and fast. it was normal to you. it was normal to see.

and so when they offered you a place away from all of that, when they offered you luxury and money and love that wouldn't hit you, you took it. because it was all you ever longed for. the bruises were getting exhausting to defend. your skin cleared up.

and the first ever time they saw you- at a lunch table, alone, twirling and braiding your own hair while ignoring the presence of the cheap school lunch sitting cold infront of you- oh, you couldn't forget it. it was when they decided you were weak, you needed fixing, you satisfied that hungry craving that left a you shaped void inside them. and looking at them was like looking into your future- one where you'd look forward to every waking day.

so how did you end up here? in abbys room, tears streaming down your face, practically drowning you. you suddenly wished for you pathetic excuse of a dad.

"you do nothing, and you get away with it! isnt that enough? isnt being away from home enough, having people who love you?!"

the mention of your home makes you pause, the tears the only moving thing on your body. until she steps forward and your body starts working again all too fast, and you flinch back. she scoffs.

"have we ever hit you?"

the question is much less a question and more of a scolding. you shake your head no. she gets in your face, grabbing onto your collar. it surprises you, because abby was supposed to be the nice one.

"dont fucking act scared. if you were scared, you'd listen."

you let out a choked sob like its the only thing your body has the courage to muster up. and the sound of the door opening and ellie pulling abby off of you is like the heaven chimes. you can't face abby- your body wont let you, and thats one more thing you've lost control of.

but that wasn't the only time, no. abby only grew angrier with you, like your breathing was too loud and you were peering over her shoulder. you had stopped trying to convince her to lay off the drugs. you had stopped trying to convince her to be less like your father.

the days were long and the nights were short. you slept in ellies bed, for abby was too angry with you and you were hurt enough without the needles that would inevitably poke your feet. ellie was gentle, because she saw how abby was, she saw how hurt you were. she saw your situation.

and the weeks passed like this- abby was either present or not, high or sober, angry or ignorant. and you decided at once you were a lot like the mother you resented for so long because of the man she picked to love her kids. you picked up the phone. you called your father.

he was sober. not officially, and certainly not forever, but for this moment you two talked, he was sober. he was still angry, still a peice of shit, but also a lifeline. he was blood. fuck, you were his blood.

you only asked him how he was doing, how work was, how mom was. you almost wanted to hear her, to know she was alive, but you couldn't stand to call her.

your bedroom door opens and you hang up. its ellie.

"i was listening in."

she steps towards you. she grips your shoulders.

"abby will come around. she isn't like your father, she's just lost."

she whispers, her tone meant to soothe but hell does it sting. your eyes burn with tears and you nod, allowing your body to be pulled into hers for a long, long hug.

and back to the present day- the needles on the floor in abbys room grew less and less and she could finally stand you again. ellie had a talk with her, that spoke for itself. but you weren't upset, you had abby back.

but still, you hadn't had sex with her for weeks. or ellie, because you were so distraught. and so now, walking shamefully to ellie's door to knock, squeezing your knees together, you speak like you were actively hunting out your voice.

"...you busy?"

ellie turns from her laptop. fuck, she already knows whats up with you. she nods, but pats her thigh, and you immediately discard your panties and whatever lost item was worn over it, and situate yourself on her rough thigh. you rock your hips, fast, as ellie types away. it doesn't take long for you to cry, but not out of pleasure. your hips still and you drop your head onto ellies shoulder. you're sobbing.

ellie freezes. she stops. she picks you up, laying you down onto her bed. she starts at your temple, kisses you once, and tells you its okay. she moves down, sucks on your neck, and tells you how perfect you are. she moved to your stomach

"-and we'll take care of you, shh"

already being bare, there was nothing for ellie to pull off before her lips attach to your clit. you dont yell out; but relax. she moves slow, like her goal isnt to make you cum, but to help you relax. she licks in strips, and you whine slightly, your body too weak to climax, so when you push her head off even before you cum, she doesn't push it. she knows your tired. she lets you sleep, wipes you off, and tucks you in. you're in that lucid state.

the morning comes too fast for comfort, but you have nothing to do and neither does abby. ellies out, running, and abby holds you tight on the couch, a forgotten movie playing in the background. she had thought of fucking you, 'course she had, for she was still mad, just that she could now bear to be near you. but alas, this was better, just holding and being held. there was no power trips, no roles you were stuck in- just fresh, clean air and the only thing you had to do was breathe. she could feel the anger slipping off of her as you lay there, murmuring about what you did those last few weeks she wasn't talking to you. she listened to you recap and for the first time, it seemed that she cared.

the days continue to carry on, and they become lighter, less of a burden to carry. ellie and abby both talk to you, the needles become mere cigarettes you all share or joints you help each other roll. it seemed good. it seemed so good. but all good things come to an end.

it started one afternoon, you came home after going out with your friends. you didn't tell them, and they grew worried. you came home late, tipsy, and it set them off.

"you can't go out this week. at all."

it was ellies command, and abby was too worried about you to defend it. she just sighed, rubbing her temples and pacing. so, for the next week, you stayed inside the penthouse, counting down the days till it hit the seventh.

that was the first occurrence. it became more drastic, until you weren't allowed to drink. then it was smoking. then they cut down the money you got weekly, then it was your friends, you were prohibited from seeing them. they had access to all your socials. but the final straw was when ellie passed the law that you couldn't leave the house without one of them, and installed a ring bell for further protection.

it dawned on you how much of your freedom had been stripped away, how many people you had lost and how many concepts had become forgotten. it was unhealthy, driving you crazy. you packed. you left.

you decided london was the place to go- wasn't it beautiful? you had more than enough saved up for a hotel and decent food, even some clothes. the train ride there was exhilarating, it was beautiful and you were alone, and for once it was by your own will.

you didn't make it to london.

ellie and abby found you. of course they did- they had men everywhere. even at one of your stops, and you couldn't fight it no matter how bad you tried.

that was a week ago. now, sitting up against the backboard of the bed they had left you on, the tears sting your eyes and your freedom dissipates, once again.

ellie and abby get back, the door slamming open and shut again. you immediately sit up.

"what did you do?"

they dont answer. you swallow, pulling your panties back on and moving forward.

"please, abby?"

at least abby would answer you, you thought. but ellies the one who spins around, yelling in your face.

"we didn't fucking kill her. thats what you want to hear?! we threatened her, kay?"

your eyes are wide and wet, your hands shaking at your sides. ellie shoves you back, pushing you into the wall. abby steps infront of her, and ellie backs off. she speaks to you from the other side of the room.

"you are not as special as you think you are."

abby shakes her head disapprovingly at ellies words. you sigh, breath shaky. you hold yourself, moving over to put your skirt back on. abby looks at you like she's about to ask if you want a bath, like she wants to make up for the lack of aftercare, but she doesn't, because you leave the room. you'd sleep in the guest room that night, of course equipped with cameras because, well... you couldn't be trusted.

nothing ever really went back to normal, at least not in the next few months. ellie tried apologizing for shoving you but never took her words back. abby tried apologizing for hitting you but never finished you off. you slept in the guest room until it became yours. you couldn't forget how close you had been to freedom.

the walls lining the room served as a reminder that you were caged in. your girlfriends were all you were destined to know. your life was a lost concept. you, in fact, you were lost, as well.

[theysaidhush]

hii its my first time req also i love love love ur writing 🫶🏻 i was wondering if u could do an ot8 skz x fem reader poly and if not either seungmin or lee know where the reader has a severe panic attack during isac? the rest would be up to you and of course if you dont feel comfortable doing this dont feel pressured to

There's always light at the end of the tunnel

➝ YouCan'tSeeItButIt'sThere!OT8 x 9thMember!Reader ➝ You don't have panic attacks. Jisung does but you don’t. Right..? ➝ angst, comfort? ➝ wc. 2k Hiii omg I'm your first !!! I'm so sorry that it took me such a long time to answer, hope you're still around !!

Are panic attacks something that you fear, or have? Not at all. You know what they are, you can try to understand how people feel when they are having one. But since you've never been the one to have it, you don't really understand, you don't...feel it.

Sometimes, you're a witness - it's not something that one would willingly witness for it can create some awkward thoughts and clumsy actions. A thing that people don't tell you, it's how you feel when you actually get to witness a panic attack. It's like you're having one too, especially when the person having it is close to you. You don't know what to do, what to say - should you hold his hands or let him breathe? would it be weird ask him if they're alright - spoiler alert, it is. But it's not something that is taught in school, something that people are aware of - like how you should or shouldn't behave in front of a wild animal. Yet it should.

But you were fine standing in the side lines. The only person who ever had a panic attack in front of you was Jisung. Don't get me wrong, he is your Sweet Cheeks - no one should ever tell him that this is his nickname in your phone, he would get cocky - you partner in crime and your bud. But by fearing how he saw you, you never quite acted during one of his moments. Maybe you were worried - you can be quite something at time. Maybe you were too much, as one of the kids was always here for him, even if you were there before - are you jealous ? A bit.

But it never crossed anyone's mind that this would happen to you. The never ever sleeping little chipmunk high on life. You can congratulate, you've been hiding quite some things under the bed. Things that made the monster sympathize with you. And you thought it was fine, you really thought that someone else needed the attention and the care. It never crossed your mind that there was enough love in the eight's heart for two little anxious chipmunks high on life. But for you're defense - not that anyone blames you - you hadn't seen it coming.

Everything was fine, and then it wasn't. People tend to say that you never get used to the feeling. The overwhelming need to breathe. The first time is always the worse. You don't know what's happening. You are scared, you feel alone, breathless, and you can't hear nor see what's going on around you. And then in a brief moment of clarity it crosses your mind.

Me?

Because you always thought that you were not sad enough for that. And it's the worse that happens. Discovering that you are in fact not alright. That you're dealing with shit bigger than yourself, heavier than what your body can handle. And you fall.

It has never happened before.

Why me?

Why can't I breathe?

Am I dying?

What's wrong with people?

Why are they looking at me?

What's wrong with me?

Someone..?

One moment you're playing with gravels on the ground, the other you're staring blankly at the same spot, eyes unmoving and hands slightly trembling.

Kim Seungmin knows you quite well. Stays know that Sungmin knows you quite well - when you joined the group, a few years later after Stray Kids' debut, it took just a month or two for your ship to be one of the most popular in Stray Kids. It would have been weird, knowing that people were expecting you of fantasizing about a non-existent relationship with one of the youngest. But like it was meant to be, just a month later he was the one to look you in the eyes and tell you what you needed to hear. He was your emotional support. The anchor to your sailing and swaying ship. So yeah, Kim Seungmin might be the one who knows you the best among Stray Kids. And he knows that your eyes usually do not look like one of a dead fish.

He does't move. He stares at the screen displaying the score of each groups competing in the ISAC. Stray Kids' not bad - they're serving, like they usually do. His arms sway awkwardly and he shift his weigh on his right leg. He then looks at you for a brief moment. You're not moving. That's weird, you don't usually stay on the same spot for more than a good twenty seconds.

"What's got your panties in a twist?"

Seungmin hopes that Stay aren't that good at playing detectives and lip reading, because Changbin proved once more that he doesn't give a single fuck about his idol image.

"I'm not mad? What makes you think that I'm mad?"

"Well..." Changbin stops in front of the taller boy, one eyebrow raising as he takes the famous 'pregnant woman pose'. "Why are you asking me? Shouldn't you know?"

For a second - one that dumb Jisung and dumber Hyunjin wouldn't have caught - the singer takes a look at his girl. A brief second. But Seo Changbin do not need more than a second - he is Seo Changbin after all. And what he sees, or understand, do not seem to please him.

"What's up with her?"

He says that with a frown in his face, abandoning his ridiculous posture for one which is more menacing, which could show everyone that something's changed. But Seungmin carefully catches the hem of his vest before the rapper goes toward their ninth member.

If you ask Changbin what he doesn't like about being a K-pop idol, he'd probably say "Nothing" with a smirk on his face. Because Seo Changbin does what he wants and eats what he craves. But if there's one thing that he hates, it's when he can't help people who needs it - especially their female member - because of the repercussion it could have on his group. And he knows it. Seungmin knows it. He is reckless, and they don't need that right. Especially not right now.

A few days later, what happened between them made Stayville go crazy with some cliché videos and compilation of the two men standing close to each other. The famous Seungbin compilations. Little did they know that nothing romantic was happening between them - not at that time anyway.

"Is she..." Changbin's eyes narrowed, looking thoroughly at the young woman as a raw terror and uneasiness flooded his body, "even breathing?"

It was a valid question. To those who were surrounding her and looking close and carefully enough, it was clear that her face was getting paler. Now, it really was worrying.

As if walking into a shop, Seungmin's feet led his straight toward his member, light heartedly and without any sense of urgency. But inside, he felt like bile was rising up his throat, the pure terror hidden behind curtains of hair a unusual and unfitting expression on his girl.

It only seemed normal to crouch next to her and to comfort her with his warm touch - she usually craves it.

If the way you tense up and get slightly away from him is a sign, you clearly don't need it right now, don't even want it. And you have never denied him affection. You always came to him whenever something bothered you - or he would tease the answer out of you, it depends. Why couldn't you bear the mere idea of him touching you right now, when you clearly needed him the most? Why were you refusing the only sense of normalcy in this raging sea of cold water and prickly wreck?

You vaguely discerned the hurt on his face, above the other millions of emotions swimming in his eyes.

"It's okay Seungmin, I got it."

It was a just whisper. Like a siren's voice coming from beneath the surface. What a great parallel, you would have praised yourself in other circumstances. Among all the chaos happenings in and outside your head, you vaguely understood that you were taking somewhere else. It was dark, silent. The light wasn't blinding you anymore, your eyes could rest, the storm was now only raging in your head.

"I can do it... Please."

There's a brief movement that you can't even register in your haze before you feel warm hands engulfing yours. The feeling isn't disturbing, like Seungmin's hand was. You welcome it with a tight grip.

"It's okay to cry, don't hold it."

You really wanted to voice your confusion. Why would you cry? You just felt like you were dying, why would cry help.

"You just have to let it all out. This happens when you bottle up your emotions for too long, then you feel like you can't cry in front of other, or scream, because this is not socially acceptable, so you just hold it in."

The accuracy of the fact was almost scaring. Your eyes, unfocused, tried to identify the silhouettes before you, a choked sob escaping your lips as your legs failed you and you tumbled, your back hitting the cold wall behind you as the silhouettes carefully helped you towards the ground. It was cold. It was nice.

"And when you hold it in, you feel like you can't breathe. Like the world is closing up on you. Everyone is staring, but no one is looking. They can hear you, your thoughts, they can see your deepest secrets, feel how you feel... It's disturbing, isn't it?"

You try to nod, the memory from just a moment ago burning behind your eyelids, the hurt on Seungmin's face. It's not that you don't trust him...

"You just don't want them to see you like this. Vulnerable, pitiful...weird."

Another choked sob escape you, a puff of air leaving your lips, and you feel slightly better as you inhale. Only once, but it's better than zero.

"You don't want them to know that you lied when they asked you if you were okay. You don't want to fail them."

While the words utter by this person seems terribly accurate, it helps soothing the raging storm, which now seems to have been replaced by a grey clouds pouring down on you.

"But you're not failing anyone. They want to help you."

A ray of sunshine.

"It's not wrong to feel those emotions, to experience those episodes."

Another one. It's warm on your skin.

"You're not dying, noting's wrong with you, we're just here and we'll stay as long as you need us. We're not leaving."

Your breathing is back to normal, if not a little shaky, and you feel the ground you're sat on. You never really thought about it. But "There's always light at the end of the tunnel", right?

Your light is warm and comforting, leaving a tingly sensation in your head after each words spoken with care.

"It'll happen again. From now on, you'll have those panic attacks again, at random moments, whenever you feel overwhelmed, whenever you feel." the other silhouette says, his hands hovering over your cheek, not daring touching you. "It's not unusual to refuse help and shy away from the person whose opinion about us is the most important. Seungmin will understand."

And your light has a form and a name, and right now, two rays are shining brightly on you.

You bury your head in Jisung's neck as he wraps an arm around you and let your cry fill the room, Minho's presence on the other side comforting even if not touching you in any way.

"It's gonna be alright, we'll get through it together. You and I."

Jisung's words are not just that: words. It's a promise. At the moment, it doesn't even cross your mind that he sees himself in you, that he feels like it is his duty to help you. The way you're curled up into his chest, tears washing down your face, sobs escaping your lips without interruption. You look like a child. Scared.

But it's alright, because even if you don't know how you'll live with this, you'll manage. Jisung did, and you ought to be just as strong as him. Even if it means hiding from everyone but Minsung. It'll get better overtime, right?

[wuucchoo]

Understanding Tsumiki and Megumi's relationship

Hey there! It's me, Megumi's defense attorney - here once more to defend my boy.

I've been seeing A LOT of people saying they cannot sympathize with Megumi's grief because they don't know Tsumiki that well. And although I would argue that you don't need to know the person who died for you to sympathize with the one who was left behind - I do understand what these people mean, i don't agree with them! But I understand why they think this. And yes, we dont know Tsumiki.

However, we first need to understand why gege chose to present Tsumiki this way. On a surface level, she can only be seen as 'the thing that would cause Megumi's downfall' - we dont know her thoughts, her ambitions, her real personality, anything really - except for what Megumi says about her. A 'textbook good person'.

And that's because she is a character that we were only able to see through someone else's eyes. We don't know Tsumiki, because Megumi doesn't know Tsumiki.

BUT WAIT!! What do I mean by that?

Before that though, I would like to say first! This doesn't mean that Megumi's love for her is diminished by this. Just because he doesn't know her doesn't mean he doesn't love her. Megumi cares about her more than anyone in his life, and that's a fact!

Now we can proceed! What does this mean? Let's look at this page from ch 56: origin of obedience:

This was a case that they have been investigating, and it is pretty damn close to Megumi's and Tsumiki's old school. And yet, the thought that Tsumiki might have went to the bridge with her classmates never crossed his mind. He doesnt know that Tsumiki is someone capable of breaking the rules, going against curfew, and joining her friends to go to a haunted bridge in the dead of night. This boy Megumi thinks his sister is a damn saint.

He put Tsumiki on a pedestal, and it resulted in her turning into nothing but the mold of a good person Megumi uses to judge other people. If a person is not Tsumiki-shaped, then they're not worth saving. ((Luckily for Yuuji, he IS Tsumiki-shaped lmao. But anyway!))

Truth be told, I used to think it sucks that we never knew Tsumiki outside of what Megumi says. I never felt bad when she died, I felt bad that Megumi's sister died. I felt bad FOR Megumi.

And now that I actually think on it, THAT was the exact point. We dont NEED to know Tsumiki, we only needed to see her through Megumi's eyes - and through that, understand that Megumi doesn't really know her that well.

It is something that Megumi have to mull over. Why did he keep Tsumiki at an arm's length despite how much he cares for her? Why is it so hard for him to let people in? Why is asking someone for help so difficult for him?

ITS BECAUSE OF THAT MFKER TOJI!!!! IM TELLING YA'LL!! /hj

Look at the face he was making in Toji's memory. That's a kid who shows his emotions outright. My boy is pouting (つ╥﹏╥)つ. But when Gojo met him, Megumi has become a total idgafker (at least on the outside). And thats not only because Gojo was a stranger - coz thats how he looks like when he talks to Tsumiki too. It's because he became that way when Toji left.

Anyway, my point is, due to Megumi's abandonment issues - he never let anyone in. EVER. Not even Tsumiki. Megumi put a wall between him and other people - for his own protection. The one who came a little bit close into breaking that wall is Yuuji (and we are yet to see how that goes).

And this is why, we as the readers are all detached from Tsumiki's character. Because we saw her through Megumi's eyes, who loves her and cares about her very, very much - yet despite that he never let her get too close. (っ- ‸ - ς)

If you read up to here, whats up! Thank you for reading! Feel free to counter it or anything, Im happy to discuss!

((also something to add: Megumi cares so much about Tsumiki because she's the first one who actively chose to stay - amidst all the people who left.

this was inspired by a great megumi character analysis i found on twitter:

read it if you have time! its really good!

[eternalera]

realizing that there was so much missed potential between kate and immortal makes me lowkey mad ngl. cause i actually HATE them and they make the story so much worse when they could be making it better. lemme just- okay here

starting off with kate, arguably the worse between the two as her power in the series is literally just being canon fodder. she doesn't have any tactics for her abilities like her brother as well.

we all know that kate was raised by the government as her and her brothers powers made their dad go crazy, making it so that the only people in her life was the government and her brother. her brother then LEFT her and she was left with only the government (smth which you do NOT want to be raised by).

then there's her powers and the fact that she feels literally everything that happens to any one of her clones. making them all the real kate. as there's not one kate, she can duplicate a clone and then die, making the clone she duplicated be the next real kate. they would also feel the death of whatever happened to ANY of the clones that die.

yeah that's gotta fucking hurt. then there's the fact that she most likely can't retire unless she fakes her death (which fucking SUCKS but also they do it SO WRONG in the series) as the government probably wouldn't allow it (i feel like this was kinda the same boat rex was in before he yknow... escaped using... certain means but he's not in it when he joins teen team, at least as far as i know).

so lets put this up. she can feel the deaths of ALL of her clones, she's literally just government property, they probably won't just let her retire. "oh but she retired with the immortal!!" yeah but then there's the case of when should a hero retire? when they can't do the job anymore? When they've had enough? in battle? when is it possible for someone to retire?

when can kate retire? she probably felt like faking her death was the easiest way. NOW does it excuse that? does it excuse her saying she 'saved the world' that she 'put her life on the line' when she didnt? no. hell no. rex and rae were the only two in the fight against the lizard league who actually had their lives on the line.

so what couldve been done about kate? well first off they couldve made the fact that she feels everything her clones do a LOT more obvious and shown her bonding with immortal more. they couldve shown the trauma that she faced from the hero life and guess what? THAT WOULD BE FINE. one of the major things about invincible is how they show what the hero life is actually like. but with kate they dont do that and it makes her unlikable. it makes her REALLY unlikable and has her come off as entitled, bratty, and selfish.

then instead of having her faking her death with the lizard league they could've had her come back instead and maybe get mad at rex or rae for not helping her with her fight and mention that "hey if i was actually there i wouldve died" which would be a lot more reasonable to get mad at. as if she DIDNT have that backup she WOULD HAVE DIED and while neither rex or rae were in the position to help her, it was because they weren't fighting as a team.

this could be kates first realization of 'i dont think i wanna do this hero stuff anymore'. make her more anxious about going out, more of a wreck as she tries to keep things together only to end up snapping at the people around her. then show the immortal helping her keep it together as yeah, them being the only ones in the group who have DIED (actually died) would make them bond.

okay then we have the immortal number 1 fraud and what not. i think its pretty clear that the show wanted to do two things with the immortal.

show how traumatized he was after what happened with omni man

show that he wasn't what he used to be and that its affecting everyone around him negatively

and to some extent they do this but they don't make you sympathize with him. after all how can you sympathize with the guy who's actively making things go to shit and then DOESNT do anything about it, or take responsibility. it would piss ANYONE and i mean ANYONE off.

he's pretty much never won a fight, all he does it yell at people and antagonize them (especially our main character mark who DOES get things done), never truly takes action (when mark yells AND threatens cecil in front of him basically), and overall is a pretty shit leader.

so what could've been done? show him struggling, struggling to keep it together. have him drop the whole 'stoic leader' bs just for a minute. have him do it around kate who is also struggling. show them bonding. show him more shaken up and unsure of things each and every time he does and really (i mean REALLY) show it. dont just say 'oh ive given up too much' show that each and every time he comes back more of his stoic-ness drops or just SOMETHING. because right now the only 'personality' he's shown is just being an asshole.

there's so much that could be done with the trauma both of them have and yet the writers dont. almost like they want us to hate the characters (which idk if they do but it is going towards that direction). and if they did i can totally see that because for how good invincibles writing is (especially with writing hate-able characters like angstrome) the writing with them is just so... so bad and i cant stress that enough and it makes me wanna tear my hair out.

ALSO THIS IS NOT DEFENDING THEM!! I JUST THINK THAT THERE WAS MISSED POTENTIAL IN THEIR WRITING!!!

[haymitchscirrhoticliver]

Effie Trinket is a war criminal

I saw a post along those lines on Reddit the other day. Apparently this is a very unpopular take and tbh I'm totally surprised by it.

I understand that Effie is a very liked character, she is generally portrayed as sympathetic and showed a lot of remorse and guilt (at least in the movies) towards her involvement in the Hunger Games. I also recognize that she's not a politically powerful person in anyway or even in the furthest influential enough to have any say whether the Games exist or not.

In my opinion, that doesn't change a single thing. Societal norms and propaganda are no excuse for cruelty and abuse. Some people compared Effie's involvement in the Games to those of the regular Capitol residents in the way that both profit from the abuse and suffering of the Districts while accepting the games as is. This is very strange to me, because isn't there a clear and obvious difference between existing in a facist regime and actively choosing an occupation that requires you to be an active part in the torture and murder of children?

Some people said that we dont know if Effie took that job on her own free will, but come on? We know that Panem has strict rules for all of its citizens, but when did we reach the point of assuming the Capitolites are actually oppressed and forced into their occupations? Effie time and time again refers to escorting in the Games as an honor. She is proud of her work, for fucks sake! This isn't a woman that was forced into this. She thrives on it! The end of SOTR only supports this further.

And if people dont argue that shes been forced into escorting, they argue that with society being full of propaganda and treating the District residents as less than human, Effie couldnt have done anything different anyway.

As a german, I find that extremely offensive. I dont think I need to explain why its just so wrong to claim that not knowing better / following orders / being brainwashed is an excuse for violence. One thing my country's history taught me is that this is never the case.

Its also such a faulty argument, considering characters like Plutarch, Cinna or Cressida exist. I agree that you need some sort of outward opinion to break through the propaganda you consumed, you wont change your mind if you never hear different opinions. But like. Effie worked with Haymitch for 24 years. She had enough hands on experience with District residents that her empathy should have made her realize that they're people just like her at some point.

Then theres others that compare Effies participation in the Games and in the conclusive violence to Katniss shooting that woman in Mockingjay. Some even compared it to Rue suggesting to Katniss she drop the tracker jackers on the Careers, which is just - Urgh! Do we really need to explain how theres a difference between children being forced into life and death situations, and a privileged young woman actively choosing and occupation that is build and supports the murder of children.

And the extra tragic thing is that none of this changes the fact that deep in her heart, Effie probably actually thought she was doing the right thing. I think many people struggle to accept that the characters they like and sympathize with can be deeply flawed people. You dont need to have bad intentions to cause imensive harm.

Effie wasnt a bad person per se, but that doesnt take away from the badness of the things she helped do.

[sunlight-shunlight]

i love how epler acts like criticisms of him are unfounded when he was one of the devs mocking fans over the world state choices in dav. and was caught LYING about the world state in the very first q&a. not to mention the whole reddit q&a thing... and all of his documented contributions to veilguard. he might actually have the most documented contribution to the game because he literally wont stop bragging about them. not to mention all of the stuff fans found datamining the game where he once again mocked solas fans. i dont even like solas that much but it feels like he had it out for his fans... him insisting on making solas an unsympathetic villain made it even worse imo. the build up from seeing how elves are treated from origins to inquisition and learning why its that way, the buildup and foreshadowing of the veil falling... just for dav to strip solas of his motivations and cast aside his army of former slaves and city elves... like what message is that trying to send exactly? what a copout to say "its rough out here" when you actively made the decision to have your game say absolutely nothing about the current state of the world. and the crazy thing is we wouldn't even know about any of this if he just didn't run his mouth.

i'm nodding solemnly. agree with all your points.

i do sympathize with the inarguably Terrible corporate environment surrounding vg, i'm sure it would've been a far better game minus all that, and the amount of layoffs and disruption to people's lives for this game is absolutely unconscionable.

but... actively going out of one's way to mislead people, or have this oddly hostile attitude towards the genre and fans of the game is... inappropriate.

also i truly think developers should not be checking tumblr for their work, it's weird to vagueblog about criticism like this dhjsfhs. either be quiet, or get into a real debate and defend your choices in the public forum!! and the tumblr critique is generally not the same as the unhinged youtube sphere of misogynists/terfs/racists either, so complaining about that is a bit petty.

and at the end of the day, i'm still a bit bewildered that they have it in them to make manosphere jokes but. could not write a single allied female character with a personality that isn't Mild And Gentle. girl help. put the memes down and let morrigan be rude again...

[discodummy]

I'm gonna rant about my body image issues and dysmorphia for a second so watch out. I'll put it under a read more if i can figure out how

slay i think i did it. anyway, going to the gym as much as i have and getting into shape and stuff has been lovely, dont get me wrong, but it also makes some things very strange for me. Like, I was raised by a an who had a manual job and was a bodybuilder in his 20's. My perspective of what a "dad bod" was was SO skewed by my dad that i though it meant a buff guy who puffs his chest out when he stands stil to look bigger. My older brother (by three years) was chubby in middle school and then did swimming and lacrosse and had an insane dorito shaped body by 17 and still has it now. I was 6'3 when i started high school and i looked like a lollipop: just a big head on a tiny body. And i stayed that way all through high school. I assumed that getting beefy and filling out like my dad and brother did just want going to happen for me. I spent all of my early and mid 20's weighing like 145 (150 on a good day) and having to buy 28x34's for pants and medium shirts. The pandemic happened and i started working from home and after a few years i was about 210 or so. I stayed around that weight for bit and assumed it was my adult weight and what my body liked and spent over a year coming to terms with it. wel NOW after going to the gym and eating better for the last 10 months, im down to a toned 180 and im all sorts of jumbled up. I hit my shoulders on doorframes bc even though i measured and know my shoulders got at least 4 inches broader, i still dont believe it or feel it. My mediums got too tight, and my XL's from being 210 fit my shoulders and chest but hang off of me. Like im surrounded by evidence of the shape my body is in now, and i can see in the mirror how i look, i just dont think its clicking for me. I'm right about 6'4 and until the last year or so i wouold just say i was "medium tall" bc i didnt think i was TALL tall, just tallER. Like thats how deep this weird disconnect from the objective truths of my body goes. And now im at the point where people compliment my arms or chest or butt or something and i cant shake the nagging feeling that its just flattery and they dont mean it and isnt true. Someone said my arms were big and i was like "i mean theyre long, but i wouldnt say big" and it took me seeing several people with smaller arms over the course of a while for me to be like "oh yeah i guess so". Like, i always felt like the most average and unremarkable of my family and thats SUPER bleeding into things now. Maybe i dont think i can be extraordinary or above average or something?? All i know is im CLEARLY not seeing what everyone else is, and poeple are getting frustrated with me about it and taking it as me being fake-humble or just plain oblivious. And i feel insane talking about it bc one of my friends says it makes him feel awful to see someone who "looks like me" doubt myself so much, because that means that HE must be so much worse then. I also know that a 6'4 in shape white guy having body image issues isnt exactly the easiest thing to sympathize or empathize with, but it sucks that I feel like i cant really talk about it with anyone bc it just gets too personally hard for anyone to go in depth about. Its like my issues are too triggering for others and i just need to get a grip or something. IDK, i just needed to vent about this bc i dont know what else to do. if you read all of this, let me know what you think or something lol

[wackywatchdotcom]

something i genuinely adore about tadc is how painfully flawed everyone in the circus is. and not in a small way

everyone does SOMETHING that negatively impacts the others. but it makes the fact that you are supposed to sympathize with and really connect with them all the more potent. because its easy to want to put a bunch of characters in a bad situation together and to just have them all be nice to each other and everyone and never make mistakes because theres no reason to hurt each other, and most of them dont TRY to, but the way they cope is so, so realistic for each of their personalities, and it doesnt always mesh with the others, and sometimes it exceeds self destructive and Just Hurts Others, Too

they still generally care about each other and the mistakes they make and the ways they end up hurting each other dont lose their weight but like. it doesnt take away from their humanity and the fact that they are all trying so hard to manage in an awful situation

and the characters seem to have sooome sort of understanding of this too. not fully, because the characters dont tend to be 100% communicative, but when they hurt each other, it often makes EVERYONE uncomfortable. because these are the only people they have. these are their friends. and theyre all coping. but it doesnt change how much it affects them (best illustrated by ragathas lines at the start of ep 2 or gangles 'i love her, but after a while it gets kinda hard to tell how genuine shes actually being'). its not all like this, theres a good amnt of variety, but characters knowing this but not really knowing what to do about it is very painful in an effective way

(i think a subtle example of this is how zooble handles gangles situation in ep 4- they were so genuinely trying to help her because they care. but could tell as the day went on that oh, this is not working at all and its making things worse, and they leave gangle alone- something that very genuinely couldve been the moment she abstracted, because of the mask zooble gave her- and we dont get to have a super blatant explanation of zoobles thoughts on it, but they reach a fairly healthy conclusion about it that helps both of them, and i like that a lot, because on paper zooble could be placed at fault but the narrative doesnt dwell on it excessively, because thats not the point. i dont know if that tangent makes sense but i think about it sometimes. i think zooble wasnt 'to blame' but it was still a mistake, which is a hard balance to strike, and having them help at the end feels extremely effective at rounding it off!!!)

but like. in general its complicated balancing making characters in a bad situation act flawed because it can run the risk of seeming like the story is scolding them or blaming them for the situation theyre in, or like youre expected to not sympathize with them despite it (though the inverse also has complications- if characters in a bad situation never mess up, it feels unrealistic and hard to relate to, and can imply that their innocence is why whats happening to them is bad at all), but the show handles it so well

even the characters who are genuinely trying all try in different ways- some of them have similar outlooks or attitudes towards these thing but theres vital differences for ALL of them- sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. in fact some of the more painful mistakes characters have made in the show have come from them so genuinely trying (like the thing i mentioned w zooble, or basically Everything Ragatha Does, or pomnis first attempt at helping gangle, etc), which hits harder than if every mistake characters made had wholly selfish and cruel goals.

i mean, there is a selfishness to many of the characters' actions but imo not in a way thats not warranted. because all of them are in a horrible setting. its uncomfortable to watch characters be selfish. but it is a natural instinct to survive. its not the foundation of most of their actions, but when it is, its uncomfortable but hard to completely disparage them for in a way that makes you feel kinda conflicted

and like. it hurts to be doing your best and for that to make things worse, but its what happens often in the show. because no one in a bad situation is gonna handle it well. by the very nature of trying to survive something is gonna give, but it makes the themes of the show so much more powerful. that making sure the people around you dont feel unloved, cherishing them and finding meaning with others is no less important just because everyone is fucking up. it complicates things, for sure, but it doesnt make those characters exempt fromt this. theres a reason pomni tells gummigoo that she doesnt want "anyone" to feel like theyre nothing, and that kinger doesnt add ANY quallifiers to making sure people feel wanted and loved (not that i think either of them were thinking SUPER super hard, but it conveys smth from the perspective of the narrative

it gets complicated when you add in jax for sure, since i think on the surface he IS the exception to this concept- none of the characters like him, including pomni or kinger. but i think this is something thats gonna be examined further down the line, bc hes the main complicating factor in this reading of the show, but i feel like thats on purpose. hes universally disliked (and so is caine, in a different way) and his actions arent mistakes. they are him coping. the show has made it clear that he can be a complex person AND also a piece of shit. his actions dont detract from the fact that hes a person and the show reminds us of this. so it makes things so messy, but im genuinely super excited to see how the show examines that. where his character goes is, imo, going to be a massive piece of how this show fleshes out this concept

[neoncityrain]

rambling

ggg inspekta means a lot to me. big spoilers for great god grove ahead, play the game

edit bc i realized i should say this first. im apologizing for none of the actions in this game i simply want to dissect characters and watch them squirm in their petri dishes

i dont think cap was The Abuser to be clear. im not convincing anyone of anything, im rambling.

like idk, i know what its like to be isolated for months. i know what its like to only talk to select people someone else decides are good for you for months and only afterwards realizing just how much that fucked you UPPP. cap and inspekta were both BAD for each other, at least from what ive seen, and i cant help but sympathize on some level

this is not me being dramatic, either- summer breaks in school fucking sucked for me. no leaving the house, no speaking to anyone. inspekta was the newest god, how much of it did he spend spiralling because no one was there, i wonder? he PHYSICALLY COULD NOT step outside! THERES NOWHERE TO GO! hes the god of leadership!!! hes a god of leadership without visitors- is it any wonder he started to tie himself in knots?

i mentioned this to a friend of mine, but it could be quite possible that the gods embody their aspects whether they like it or not- you could take clicketys words as them actually understanding theyre wrong all along, sure, but another interesting thing is... if they DONT have control over it. narrating every action whether you like it or not, changing the weather with your mood whether you like it or not, seeing all of history whether you like it or not, making brambles grow whether you like it or not. so then almost all of what makes inspekta tick is severed? a leader turns to simply an overseer? how could he be the god of leadership when all he can do is watch?

and capochin..... ooooooh capo. oh i understand what its like to be manipulated and to lash out too! FUCK DUDE!!!! to be so desperate to be told youre doing good that youll do anything youre told? tearing peices of yourself to make someone else happy? hurting to just FIT IN?? GH. i get it i really do- and how can you not?

idk. emotions are messy and i like watching these fifty year old men dig themselves six feet deep and keep going. theyre so bad for each other i dont think either is completely innocent. i love it so much

[paingoes]

(long Paris apologia paragraph ahead sorry)

I love both Delta and Paris, and while Delta is infinitely more likable and I have more in common with Delta re: autism and child abuse, I honestly find Paris to be a more compelling character? (Part of this is because I'm also an alcoholic with complex trauma and I so very rarely see the worst parts of my trauma being represented in a sympathetic light.) I definitely get why people don't like him. he's a violent shithead, a menace to society and himself, not to mention he has the emotional intelligence of a rock.

You mentioned this in a previous post but I think you did a really good job with showing that a lot of Paris' worst qualities (his violent mood swings, his sense of entitlement, his power tripping abusive behavior etc) comes from a place of his own patheticness and refusal to change (especially the times when he breaks down after getting too drunk) and I think that's what allows me to sympathize with and like him more then anything. His childishness in his most monstrous and vulnerable moments really drives home that he's not really suited to the role of all powerful monarch he was raised to be, and who's abuse and status in the empire caused him both to grow up way too fast, while at the same time never allowing him to develop into a healthy adult and that he's in many ways, a kid in a grown person's body who sees himself as doomed to repeat the cycles of his childhood trauma that created him unless he chooses otherwise. (A horrifying and daunting task for someone like him)

Like the scene where he breaks Delta's arm and almost drowns him? It's scary as hell but what stands out to me it despite the horrible violence and long term consequences of his actions, is just how petty and childish his motivations for doing so is (which does not make them any less harmful). he's acting this way because he feels slighted and abandoned by Lorelai. You hurt me I hurt you. This gives me a lot of leeway into both sympathizing with him as someone with similar struggles while also reminding me that he's not the way he is because he's powerful, like he wants you to believe, but a very weak and jaded person who wants to feel powerful and is given the systemic means to. Which doesn't make him less dangerous.

Sorry for the long ask, I'm just very much enjoying your story, especially Paris's "being humbled by life" arc and I'm super excited about what will be in store for both him and Delta next ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

oh my godddddd this was such an amazing thing to wake up to. i kind dont even wanna post it i just want to hold onto it forever. this is so sweet.

i dont know if i can respond to all of this right now and i might talk more about the different points you brought up later. but generally i am so pleased with this analysis and im pleased you have gotten this much out of it? im gonna say more under the cut

pretty heavy warnings for child abuse. nothing explicit just discussion of institutional child abuse/complex trauma and how it affects people psychologically.

like i said i could talk about them basically forever but re: childishness and being pathetic. YEAH i mean i think it is very obvious that paris’s growth has been stunted as a result of abuse + neglect. in fact i think that growing up in empire alone is inherently stunting because it is a system very much designed to kill empathy and to breed hunger and greed in people. its a problem with the whole society, cruelty and selfishness are incentivized over developing more complex moral structures and even over developing your own identity.

[ people like lorelai are very much an outlier within Empire, but i think its clear that she is….also pretty immature? she has a lot of love and a desire to do good, which kind of makes up for it, but she is childish in the sense that her parents sheltered her and her own ideas about revolution and utopia are very very idealized. i think this delusional optimism is a good thing for paris tbh and it kinda balances out his own cynicism. but lorelai will need to grow up at some point too. its just her reckoning is allowed to be softer. ]

but paris’s case was particularly bad for a few reasons.

the most obvious is that he was prince and naturally the expectations placed on him were a lot greater and the consequences for not meeting them were a lot harsher.

paris was born with pretty severe ADHD and mood regulation issues and his symptoms only worsened the more that he was punished for them

paris at his core is a genuinely sensitive and intelligent person that understands right from wrong

and i think this alone provides a lot of context for how he is now but it also makes it easier to understand why his childhood was basically torture for him. like yeah exposure to complex trauma will kind of naturally stunt your growth at certain points but you also get the sense that paris’s growth was like. deliberately stunted or that the handicap was self-inflicted. paris acts dumber than he is. its how he makes peace with it. its cool to be a callous idiot because if you have to be a self aware and moral person in this environment you will immediately get one-shotted by guilt.

and for what it’s worth i think delta’s growth was also — obviously — stunted. but in a different way shaped by their respective roles.

it’s legitimately really gross for me to describe it this way but it does feel like one of the goals with delta’s conditioning was to make a forever-child. someone who will do what you say and remain perfectly ignorant and docile and obedient. he can be used but is basically incapable of putting up a fight. martino and simon both speak to delta like he’s a child and that infantilization is to keep him pliant and similarly trapped in that same sense of helplessness he felt when he was little :(

i think delta is very low empathy naturally and actually doesnt have an innate moral compass which is what made him such a perfect candidate for the job. but it also means he is super susceptible to getting someone else’s morals imposed onto him as long as he finds them logical and coherent. his ability to morally reason and his way of interacting with people is obviously very underdeveloped but its more immediately obvious why.

ive said before that i think delta is more emotionally mature than paris but i think maybe this paints an incorrect view of things? i mean. delta is not holding his tongue and regulating his own emotions because he thinks its a mature thing to do. hes doing it because he knows not to speak without permission and that if he ever had an outburst the way paris did, he would be beaten within an inch of his life. so i feel like maybe its wrong to attribute this as one of his virtues. (without totally discounting the fact that delta is very sweet and doing his best.) delta would very much struggle with like. setting boundaries, standing up for himself in any way, communicating his feelings. you can describe paris as childish but i think delta is childlike. in that he’s also suffering the consequences of abuse but his specific conditioning has made him more fawny in a way that reads as sympathetic and virtuous.

basically yeah my point was. they were both stunted at some critical point in their development and are both dealing with the consequences of that. paris was a victim but he was simultaneously groomed to be a perpetrator, versus delta who is mostly victim.

anyway thanks so much wow im gonna print this whole ask out ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[gold-rhine]

Re: agalaea. After the whole execution scene I got the vibes that I should feel sorry for her because oh it’s so hard for the tyrant to nearly kill two random people who *checks notes* stopped some guy from jumping off a balcony by saying he wasn’t crazy for thinking there were other planets. Especially with how the death girl talked about ‘thawing agalaeas heart’ or whatever. Thawing her heart isn’t the problem, buddy she doesn’t have one. Like somehow I feel like I was supposed to feel like it was my fault which ??? Single handedly made me even less interested in the story

yeah and then you met that guy again and hes like i see the error of my ways, aglae was toitally right. and traveler is like wow i didnt expect to see you so soon after police got u and hes like oh i loooved being force re-educated, its really none of my business if the rest of the world exists, anyway want to solve some puzzles? :D

like that shit is unintentionally dystopian??? like if they were going o make some point with that, itd be interesting, but they do straight up expect us to sympathize with light from death note??

and another like quick moment that was super like telling to me when at the very end like the leader of human council shows up and she's presented as like nasty and super scheming (as if aglae isnt???) and we're supposed to hate her for wanting to *checks notes* humans to make their own decisions???

like the narrative just so seethingly hates common people. you fuckers DARE to want to know the truth??? you dont appreciate this poor benevolent dictator ruling over you???? go to the re-educatioon camp you piece of shit

but like its how it always was in hsr. remember how in belobog copelia literally sealed poor people in the underground mines where they were dying from sickness, and then wanted to kill everyone on the planet, and bronya decided to lie to everyone and tell them copelia was a hero. so ppl wouldn't revolt and overthrow her and she gets to be dictator herself. and its framed as a good thing. and then she almost sold entire planet into slavery.

lol this game haaaaates common ppl

[differentcoloredcontacts]

Class b opinion on quirkless classmate? Like are some treating them like glass, some who think they shouldn’t be a hero, others who admire them or respect them, etc

Not proofread we die like men

Awase - he gives off the same energy as the kid that grew up really racist that mostly grown out of it but hasn't really nailed what is and isnt okay to say ya know? Hes cool with them but every now and then he will say something absolutely crazy about them being quirkless. White grandpa saying the nword randomly vibes but in a good way ykyk?

Sen - im sorry sen fans but hes a bit of an asshole. He would probably try to pick a fight by saying to their face how weak they are. Not necessarily because he has some vendetta against quirkless people but because he was just always told by everyone he looked up to that they were weaker. It would take some serious work to change his mind

Kamakiri - he will probably think theyre weak until they do something to prove themselves in some way like beat him or someone stronger in a fight or something like that. After they do that though he isn't letting anyone talk shit about them

Kuroiro - he writes some dramatic ass poetry about them being quirkless so he can try to 'better understand what theyre going through' he gives the poem to them so they can check its accuracy lmao

Kendo - at first she will feel a bit of a need to protect them but it dosent take long for her to realize that they are at UA for a reason and they dont need to be treated like some defenseless citizen

Kodai - shes a pretty neutral person about everything but even she was a bit surprised when she found out her classmate was quirkless. She didnt want to protect them since they were here for a reason but she cant help herself from feeling like theyre weaker.

Komori - at first shes a bit surprised that someone quirkless managed to get into the hero course but other than that she doesn't care. She treats them the same way she treats everyone else

Shiozaki - she definitely feels a need to protect them (at least for a little while) and it takes her quite a while to realize that they are just as capable as a hero as herself and the rest of her classmates despite not having a quirk

Shishida - hes probably a bit sad for them. Like he feels bad that they dont have a quirk like its a bad thing or something simply because he cant imagine life without having one ykyk? He thinks hes being nice when trying to help them or by trying to sympathize with them saying to stay strong or whatever when hes not helping in the slightest

Shoda - he treats them like someone that needs protection for a long while and it probably takes them beating his ass in training for him to change his mind.

Pony - she doesn't really care tbh. As long as theyre nice she likes them and treats them how she treats everyone else. They probably end up being good friends ngl

Tsubaraba - he tries to show off his quirk in a 'i can protect you' kind of way but it just comes off a bit ass-hole like. He dosent mean any harm but hes a bit stupid when it comes to certain things. He does definitely think his quirkless classmate is weaker but hes probably proven wrong quite quickly lmao.

Tetsutetsu - he dosent care that theyre quirkless. I mean this is a hero school that only the best can get into so if anything hes impressed asf and thinks its super manly

Tokage - shes a little skeptical at first but over time she gets more used to them and becomes pretty good friends with them. It does take a little bit though only because or internal prejudice against quirkless people because of how she was raised (we love fantasy racism here)

Manga - he honestly didnt know they were quirkless for a while. He just thought they didnt like to show off their quirk or it was something people couldn't really see. After he found out he made a mini comic about a quirkless hero because he found the idea of a quirkless hero cool :)

Honenuki - he is so nice i swear. He not only treats them the same way he treats everyone else but he makes sure he knows their abilities so he can accurately determine if they can do something on their own or if they need help. Ykyk

Bondo - he was definitely worried for them for a while (probably still is) but he dosent vocalize it or even act on it at all. He knows they are very capable and he feels a little guilty for thinking this way but at the end of the day they are still quirkless and theres a lot they couldn't do that quirk users probably could.

Monoma - he uses his quirkless classmate as leverage against class A. He will walk up and say shit like 'your class is so weak that my quirkless class mate could beat the shit out of anyone in your class.' And they will just be behind him, trying to get him to stfu

Reiko - she is the queen of not giving a fuck. As long as they can prove themselves then she dosent care about them being quirkless. Shes probably one of the only ones that treats them as she would anyone else straight out of the gate

Rin - hes probably a bit skeptical at first honestly but he quickly realizes that they are just as capable as anyone else despite being quirkless. Hes tries not to treat them differently since theyre quirkless but he finds it hard to not ask about it since hes curious about how they live as one of the only people without a quirk

Gif anime - frieren: beyond journeys end