#but it's what i've got off the top of my head

[ilikerafayelwaytoomuch]

How the LADS men react to you having a hard day

A/N: this is my first time writing drabbles like this...and for writing for other characters, so go easy on me, I tried 🥲. I've also never written in this POV before 😵‍💫

Characters: Rafayel, Sylus, Zayne, Xavier (sorry no Caleb. I don't feel like I know enough about him yet)

Warnings: fluffy fluff, mentions of y/n being a strong independent woman, lads boys being super cute and nice ???

Rafayel: 

Y/n was never comfortable being vulnerable. Sharing feelings? Yeah right. It was scary. Every time she had, people looked the other way or downplayed her emotions. So she kept them to herself. She kept everything to herself, generally being a quiet person. Independent. She was a strong hunter. She cared for people and spent her days saving others from wanderers. Those at work saw her as a strong independent woman, who's emotions never got in the way. Eventually, y/n got tired of it and decided to change, though it was a work in progress. The changes led her to meeting her current boyfriend, Rafayel. Someone who supported her endlessly and she knew that. He was the only person she felt she could share her true feelings with, even if it was a struggle to do so. That was why when she had just about one of the worst days of her life, she found herself heading to his place. 

The day was awful. Her alarm didn't wake her up, so she was rushing to get to the association on time. She had skipped breakfast, not wanting to be late for an important mission. Despite that, her motorcycle has decided to break down on her way to the association. She let Jenna know while she waited for a truck to come pick up her motorcycle. Then she took a bus to the mission site. Of course, everyone was understanding, she couldn't help her motorcycle malfunctioning. But she was disappointed and frustrated with herself. The mission went well overall, but it was incredibly long. The sun was setting by the time it was done. On top of that, she was battered and bruised from fighting. Not to mention starving and a headache forming from the lack of food and water. She was exhausted. As she was heading out, she remembered her motorcycle and realized she had no way of getting home, other than the subway or bus. She had a small glimmer of hope, but it was crushed after calling the repair shop, as her motorcycle wouldn't be ready for another two days. By that time, everyone had already left. 

Despite wanting to cry, y/n didn't allow it. It didn't matter that she was hungry, tired, and in pain. She needed to hold it all in until she could get home. But home didn't sound nice. What sounded nice was curling up next to Rafayel. She knew all she had to do was tell him and he'd be right there. He's always there. But part of her told her not to bother him. He was at an important exhibit after all. Plus, what if he didn't react the way she thought. What if he became like everyone else and brushed her off? But no, Rafayel wouldn't do that to her. His place was easier to get to than her own apartment too, especially with her motorcycle in the shop. Too tired to care too much, she called a taxi to Rafayel's home. Of course, that couldn't go smoothly either, traffic getting in the way. 

When y/n arrived at Rafayel's house, the sun had set completely. She thanked the driver before shuffling to his front door, typing in the code to his house without thinking. As expected, it was quiet, no lights or anything on. She drug herself to the living room and flopped onto Rafayel's couch. She knew she should let Rafayel know she was there so he wouldn't panic about someone being in his house, but she had no energy. And then the tears began. Curled up into a ball on her boyfriend's couch, y/n fell asleep. 

Rafayel was bored. He always was at exhibitions, but Thomas insisted he had to go. On top of his boredom, he was also worried about y/n. He had texted her multiple times and she had responded. She was a busy, working woman, but she always answered him within a few hours. It had been radio silence. When the exhibit finally ended, or rather when Thomas got tired of his complaints, he got into his car and quickly drove straight home. He wanted to change before heading to y/n’s, which he was going to do. He needed to make sure she was okay. He knew she struggled to share how she really felt. He took the silence as she had either had a bad day, was simply very busy with her mission, or something had gone wrong in the mission. He assumed he would know by now if something has gone seriously wrong. Jenna or someone from the association would have contacted him. 

Rafayel had never parked his car so quickly, running into his house to change as quickly as he could. The suit he was wearing was too much. He stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed a figure on his couch. He hesitantly walked over to the figure, quickly realizing it was his girlfriend. Part of his heart warmed slightly. She had chosen to come to his place after the mission instead of going home. She wanted to seek comfort from him. That in itself was a large step for her. He squatted down to get a better look at her, and the warmth he felt was quickly replaced by concern. There was a lot of blood on her. Like a lot. A worrisome amount of blood. Breath quickening, he gently pushed her. “Y/n? Love?” He called, trying to wake her up. He sighed in relief as her eyes opened. “Raf?” She muttered. 

“Are you okay?” He asked her, already knowing the answer. He assumed most of the blood wasn't hers, as she was a skilled hunter. Plus she would have gone to a hospital if it was all hers. But he noticed her eyes slightly red and puffy, meaning she had been crying. He frowned when her lips formed a pout, beginning to shake. She shook her head and Rafayel immediately moved to sit onto the couch, lifting her legs to sit. Y/n moved as well, wanting, no, needing, to be closer to him. Rafayel easily accepted, wrapping his arms around her as she sat on his lap. Not once did he think or care about the fact his new suit would have blood on it. He just wanted to comfort y/n. She sobbed into his shoulder, unable to control the tears. It pained Rafayel to see her like this. He gently rubbed her back and whispered words of comfort. 

When she calmed down, Rafayel asked her again what had happened. “Just had a bad day,” she muttered into his neck. 

“Wanna elaborate? Must have been pretty bad to get you like this,” he gently pushed her. She sighed. 

“Woke up late and didn't eat so I could get to the association on time, but then my motorcycle broke down so I was late anyway. The mission was long and exhausting. So by the end of it I was tired, hungry, thirsty, in pain from fighting and from lack of food, and then I realized I had no way of getting home. So I came here. I'm sorry I didn't text you. I meant to, really. I just didn't want to worry you or bother you, I know the exhibit was important. Did it go okay?” She asked him, ever aware of how much she was divulging and wanting to care for him. Rafayel would not have it. 

“That sounds like a terrible day, you should have told me. I worried anyway when I didn't hear anything from you at all. I was going to head to your place straight after changing here. You wouldn't be bothering me. I want to know every little detail of your day, good or bad. You can rely on me, you know?” He asked, a bit hurt. 

“I know, I'm sorry,” she whispered. 

“You don't need to apologize to me, my love. I know it's scary to share how you feel. I'm proud that you even came here instead of just going home and pretending everything was fine. Have you eaten anything yet?” He asked her. She shook her head and Rafayel tsk-ed. “Let's take a bath first,” he decided, moving his hands to her thighs and lifting her while he stood. Her grip tightened around him and he giggled. “Don't worry, I won't drop you.” He carried her to his bathroom, setting her down on the sink countertop. He pressed a kiss to her forehead before smiling at her and turning to run the bath water. Once it was at a temperature he deemed worthy, he plopped in a bath bomb and bubbles. “Be right back my love. You need to drink some water too,” he told her before walking out of the bathroom. As soon as he was out of the bathroom, y/n saw him run out of the room at full speed into the kitchen, making her smile. He didn't want to be far from her for long. She caught a glimpse of him running back in, only slowing as he approached the door and handed her the water, instructing her to drink as he went and checked on the bath. “It's ready,” he announced, turning to help y/n down. He gave her a frown and playful glare when she moved to take her uniform off. She hesitantly stopped, making Rafayel smile and reach to begin taking it off of her. His smile was soon replaced by a focused glare, biting his lip in frustration as he struggled with some of the buckles. 

“Need some help?” Y/n chuckled. 

“Stupid ass buckles. Why do you even need so many?” He asked, crossing his arms in his chest as he pouted. Y/n shrugged before swiftly taking the belt and buckles off. “I got the rest,” he quickly stopped her from continuing. He easily, at least in comparison to the buckles, unbuttoned her shirt and bra, then moved to her pants. When she was bare, he picked her back up into his arms and carefully set her in the bath. She looked at him expectantly. “I'd never give up an opportunity to take a bath, especially with you,” he explained, undressing as quickly as he could. Y/n scooted forward, allowing Rafayel to sit behind her and wrap his arms around her. She relaxed into his hold, Rafayel sighing in content. 

The two didn't say anything for a while, just soaking in the warmth of the water and their bodies pressed together. Y/n, being a quiet person in general, didn't mind and loved that Rafayel didn't feel uncomfortable. Rafayel was also surprised at how comfortable he felt with her in silence. He knew she needed the quiet and at first it was uncomfortable to him. But he quickly learned to love these moments of quiet, instead focusing on the warmth of the woman in front of him. They stayed silent for so long that the water was beginning to go cold. Rafayel wordlessly moved to grab soap and a washcloth, gently moving to scrub his lovers back. He could feel how tense she was, practically massaging her as he moved across her back, occasionally leaving a kiss on her shoulder. She let out a sigh of content, the way he moved comforting her and making her relax further. “Turn,” Rafayel instructed her once he was done with her backside. 

“I got it,” y/n whispered back, embarrassed to let him even though he had seen everything. 

“I know you do. But I want to take care of you, please?” He gave her his best puppy eyes, something she couldn't refuse. She slowly turned, facing him, a blush growing on her face making Rafayel almost want to squeeze her from how cute she looked. But he stayed calm, returning to his job of washing her. “Your turn,” y/n smiled when he had washed her completely. He shook his head. 

“Nope. I'm taking care of you,” he argued. Y/n pouted. 

“That's not fair. What if taking care of me means letting me help you?” She countered. Rafayel sighed and handed her the washcloth before turning around. Y/n smiled and washed his back, letting him finish the job. Rafayel stepped out of the bath first, wrapping a robe around him before helping his lover out and wrapping her in a matching robe. He was about to say something when he heard the doorbell ring. “Ah, food's here. Stay right there I'll go grab it,” he smiled at her before running off again. She stood right where she was, knowing Rafayel would scold her if she moved a single muscle. “Alrighty, where were we?” He asked on his way in, reaching for the lotion y/n always used. 

“Raf, you don't have to-” 

“I want to. No funny business,” he paused. “I mean unless you want to of course. I'm always down to take care of you in other ways,” he waggled his eyebrows. 

“Not tonight,” she chuckled. “I'm already squeaky clean.” 

“Pfft, as if I couldn't clean you up after even more thoroughly,” he winked before putting some of the lotion in his hands and squatting down to put some on her legs. She laughed, moving a hand to ruffle his hair. Once again, as Rafayel applied the lotion he massaged her sore muscles, with the occasional kiss to her skin, making her even more tired. Afterwards, he applied her skincare to her face, repeating the steps on his own. “Let's go eat,” he instructed, grabbing y/n’s hand. 

“When did you even order food?” She asked curiously. 

“When I got you water I also placed an order at that restaurant you like,” he shrugged. 

“The expensive one?!” 

“It's not expensive to me,” he argued. 

“Rafayel! That place is super expensive, especially their delivery,” she lightly smacked his arm. 

“Ow!” He frowned, rubbing his arm as if she had just punched him so hard he'd bruise. “You had a hard day, just let me treat you.” Y/n couldn't argue with that, especially when she saw that he had ordered all of her favorite things from the restaurant. The two sat on the floor up against the couch, a movie playing as they ate. Y/n grew even more tired after eating, head bobbing until falling onto Rafayel's shoulder. He smiled before carefully moving to pause the movie before turning it off. “What’re you doing?” Y/n muttered, half asleep. 

“Let's go to bed,” he kissed the top of her head. He held her hand, guiding her to the closet in his room to change into something to sleep in, as they still wore their robes. Y/n was quick to steal one of Rafayel's tee shirts and a pair of his boxers, running out of the closet and into the bathroom to change before Rafayel could say anything. She had taken his favorite shirt to sleep in after all. Rafayel smiled and shook his head, realizing he was so helplessly in love with her. He sat on the edge of his bed, waiting for her. His breathing stopped when the bathroom door opened, revealing the woman. She looked stunning, the shirt a bit big and loose on her, falling off her shoulder. She cheekily smiled at him before jumping onto his bed and burying herself under his covers. Rafayel was still processing the sight of her; he didn't move until he felt her toes wiggling against his back. He smiled and grabbed her feet through the blanket, shaking them. She laughed with him and he moved to get under the blankets with her. She quickly moved to wrap herself around him. “Someone's nice and cuddly today,” he grinned at her, making her blush and hide her face in his chest. 

“-ts nice,” she mumbled, making Rafayel squeeze her. 

“It is nice. I'll hold you anytime and anywhere. For any reason. You're happy and want to cuddle? I'm down. Sad and want to cuddle? Definitely. Even if you're mad and want to cuddle. I'd never let you go,” Rafayel admitted. She nodded in his chest. “Thank you for being vulnerable with me today. I know it's not easy.” 

“Thank you for being you,” she countered. 

“I am pretty great,” he teased, making her chuckle, but nod. 

“You are,” she agreed. She moved her head to look into his eyes before pressing a kiss against his lips. Rafayel deepened the kiss quickly and it lasted much longer than y/n had meant to, just wanting to kiss him goodnight. But the way he kissed her with so much love had her craving more, his hand gently holding her cheek. She was surprised when he was the one to pull away first, leaving a kiss on her nose as he gave her a dopey smile. “I love you,” she whispered to him and his smile widened. 

“I love you too, forever and always. Good luck getting rid of me,” he answered. 

“Mmm that's okay with me. I don't want anyone else.” 

“Get some sleep okay? You need it,” he instructed. She nodded and tried to do as he said, but wasn't able to. 

“Raf?” 

“Yeah love?” 

“I can't fall asleep,” she sighed. 

“Want me to tell you a bedtime story? Or count sheep?” He asked. 

“What did you count in Lemuria?” She asked. 

“Hmmm. Whatever really. Coral, fish, sharks,” he listed off examples. 

“Pick one for me?” She bit her lip. Rafayel nodded and began to count. 

“One little fishy. Two little fishes. Three little fishes………” 

As he continued, y/n began to drift off to sleep, his voice comforting her. She relaxed into his hold, falling into a deeper sleep. 

“Are you asleep?” Rafayel whispered after counting a lot of little fishes. “Guess so,” he smiled to himself, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Sweet dreams, my dear mermaid bride.” 

Sylus: 

Y/n was strong and she knew it. It was this feeling of strength and independence that made her struggle to rely on anyone, even for the smallest things. Meeting Sylus was the greatest day of her life….sort of. The day itself was interesting to say the least, but regardless, she was happy to be with him. He supported her wordlessly, admiring her abilities and strength. It was partly what drew him in. She didn't need to rely on Sylus, but that didn't mean Sylus didn't want her to not rely on him. He knew she was strong, but he knew that at times it was just a face. Sometimes she hurt and didn't show it. Sylus wished she would, but never brought it up in conversation. Y/n felt the same. Sometimes she just wanted a hug, but asking for it from her literal boyfriend felt too hard. 

Today broke her facade, a two day almost non stop mission breaking her. She was the tiredest she had ever felt in her life, physically and emotionally. She just wanted to curl up in a ball and let darkness take her away. A bit dramatic maybe, but she'd never say it out loud. Smiling and going to celebrate with her coworkers after the mission, despite how exhausted she was. Not to mention, around ten hunters all battered, bruised and bloody were just casually out having a drink…As soon as they had left the pub, she could feel her body slump. Y/n didn't want to go back to the quiet comfort of her apartment where she would have to cook her own food, bathe, and tend to her wounds. It was one of the rare occasions she wanted to be taken care of. Normally, she would push that feeling down and do everything alone. Today she decided to risk it and head over to the N109 zone. 

Parking her motorcycle near Sylus's base, or home, y/n removed her helmet and knocked on the door. There wasn't an answer, which wasn't abnormal. She hadn't even talked to Sylus in days, he could have something to do. Y/n dug into her bag and found the spare key at the very bottom, having to take everything out to find it. She begrudgingly threw everything back into her bag and entered. As she guessed, no one seemed to be home. She hadn't seen Mephisto today either, though she suspected he was keeping tabs on her. Which meant Sylus would know she came to his base and would come back as soon as he could. Y/n shuffled to his couch, not wanting to lift a finger. Flopping onto the couch, she let her mind wander and her eyes close. 

Sylus received word of Y/n’s arrival at his base not too long after she arrived, thanks to Mephisto. He wrapped up his meeting early, leaving Luke and Kieran to finish it so he could go check on his girlfriend. It was rare she went to his base without telling him. In fact he was pretty sure it had never happened. He knew she wasn't seriously injured or anything, but it was the first time she had decided to go to him instead of dealing with everything alone. That thought is what made him speed over to his base, not needing to worry about speed limits in the N109 zone. 

Sylus was a bit surprised to find his girlfriend sleeping on his couch. He expected she would be doing something as she usually is. She's not much of a napper, preferring to get things done right then. He took in her appearance, frowning slightly at the blood covering her. He walked to his bathroom, grabbing a washcloth and wetting it before returning. Sylus sat on the floor, gently cleaning the blood off of the skin he could see, checking for any injuries. Though he was careful, y/n woke up, eyes blinking in confusion. “Sylus?” She asked. 

“I'm here. How was the mission?” He asked, continuing to wash her. 

“Fine,” she replied, making Sylus's eye twitch. 

“Just fine? We both know that's not true. You're here, sleeping and covered in blood,” he pointed out. She nodded and bit her lip. 

“Yeah,” she sighed. “It went fine in the sense that it's done and taken care of. I'm pretty tired though.” 

“Mm, and you came here sweetie?” Sylus pushed gently. 

“I, uh,” she began, years welling up in her eyes. How could she tell him? How would he react? “You can tell me sweetheart,” Sylus paused, setting the washcloth to the side and giving her his full attention. 

“I didn't want to take care of myself. I wanted you…to take care of me,” she finally spoke, voice drifting off at the end so soft Sylus barely caught what she said. He smiled softly and brought a hand to her cheek, wiping away a stray tear. He didn't like seeing her cry. Especially over something so small. Had he done something to make her feel embarrassed about this? “I will happily take care of you. Whenever you want. Even if you just had a bad coffee in the morning, I'll comfort you. You're so strong, y/n, but that doesn't mean you have to take care of everything alone,” he reminded her, making her cry more. “Come here,” he softly spoke, reaching for her hands and pulling her into his lap. Y/n tried to keep it cool, but wasn't successful. Sylus held her with so much love and care she couldn't hold back her tears. Sylus said nothing, just letting her cry in his arms as he comforted her. She seemed so small and fragile to him at that moment. Y/n could only think of the opposite, how warm and comforting he was.

Eventually, she calmed down. “Do you want to shower or take a bath?” Sylus asked her, petting her hair. 

“Bath. Don't wanna stand,” y/n mumbled. He chuckled. 

“Understood. Do you want me to assist you or cook you something to eat?” 

“Cook,” she immediately answered, starving. He nodded. 

“I'll go run a bath for you. Afterwards I can tend to your wounds and we can eat. Sound good?” Sylus asked. She nodded and reluctantly got out of his hold, walking hand in hand to his bathroom. Sylus began the water for the bath, moving to a cabinet and asking what she preferred to have in the bath. It warmed y/n’s heart to see how oddly prepared he was. He had an assortment of bath bombs, salts, washes, lotions, oils and more at the ready. A silent way of showing that he cared for her. Once ready, she got into the bath and Sylus left her. He returned a moment later with clothes in his hands for her. He smiled at her before setting them in the counter and leaving. 

In the kitchen, Sylus had put on some music and began to cook his girlfriend's favorite meal. He hummed along, smiling to himself as he chopped the vegetables. He knew she didn't like vegetables, but always managed to sneak them in without her knowing. She deserved the best food after all. As he was putting the dish in the oven, he heard y/n enter. He turned to see her smiling softly to herself and he reciprocated without realizing. “Feeling better sweetie?” He asked. She nodded. “Let's get those wounds taken care of.” They headed back into the living room, y/n sitting on the couch while Sylus grabbed supplies. He was through, making sure to disinfect and bandage all the cuts on her, being gentle. She knew he was being gentle, as she had witnessed how he bandaged Luke and Kieran, the two regretting that decision. “Want me to do your hair?” He asked when he was done, hands resting on her thighs. He had noticed she had washed it, but done nothing with it. She was very particular with her hair, wanting to make sure her curls were well taken care of. “Can you?” She asked with hopeful eyes. 

“Of course. Do you want me to style it like you would and diffuse it or braids?” He asked. 

“You can braid?” Her eyes narrowed, not believing the head of Onychinus could braid hair. 

“Of course,” he chuckled. 

“Why would you learn to braid hair?” She asked, baffled. He shrugged smugly. 

“Just in case my girlfriend asked me to braid her hair,” he answered. He had noticed in days she didn't want to do her entire hair routine, she put it into two braids, not dealing with it. “I'll go get a comb and hair ties,” he stood up and left, leaving y/n a bit speechless. When he returned he stood to the back of the couch, taking her hair in his hands. She felt him brush through it, ridding of anything tangles, before parting it and braiding. Y/n couldn't see the braid, but it felt like he was actually pretty solid at braiding it. He had finished just in time, the timer for the food going off as he was wrapping a hair tie around the last braid. “There. Wanna go check my masterpiece?” He teased. Y/n ran a hand over the braids, impressed. 

“Duh,” she scoffed. “Need to make sure they're good.” Sylus laughed and left to get the food, while y/n left to check her hair. “Thoughts?” He asked, plating the food when she walked in. 

“I'm thoroughly impressed,” she admitted, deciding to be brave and walk over to him, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her face into his back. “Thank you.” Sylus froze for a moment, not expecting her to show any affection as usually he was the one initiating any, but quickly relaxed, pressing his hands against hers. “Anything for you,” he whispered to her. Y/n whined in response, squeezing him as hard as she could. “Going to need more strength to kill me sweetie,” Sylus teased, tapping her hands as a way to tell her to chill. She didn't, continuing to squeeze him, even more than before. “Sweetie, I love you, but you are going to kill me,” Sylus breathed out. Y/n laughed and let go, moving to his side and standing on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek. She grinned when a slight blush grew in his face and quickly moved to sit at the table. Sylus took a moment to recover, then joined her with the plates. 

The two chatted while they ate, talking about their recent adventures and teasing each other. When they were finished, y/n attempted to do the dishes, but Sylus quickly took them from her and put them in the sink. “Don't worry about it,” he instructed. 

“They'll get all gross and stinky Sy,” she argued. 

“And that's for me to worry about some other time,” he countered, sliding his hand into hers and pulling her to his bedroom. They laid in bed, Sylus refusing to change just yet with the excuse that he was comfortable enough with her in his arms. 

“Sy?” Y/n broke the comfortable silence. Sylus hummed. “Are you sure you don't mind taking care of me?” 

“Of course sweetie,” he immediately answered, brows furrowed. “Have I done something to make you feel like it's a bother to take care of you?” 

“No, not at all!” She quickly answered. “It's just– I don't know. I've never had someone care about me enough to want to care for me. I know I'm strong and a great hunter and independent, but I don't always want to be. I just don't know how to say that.” 

“You're the strongest person I know, who I love dearly. Wanting to be cared for doesn't make you weak or any less independent. I want to take care of my strong miss hunter. I want to be there for you when you don't feel 100%. All you have to do is ask. You don't even have to ask. Hell, I would never say no to any sort of affection from you,” he chuckled lightly. “You can be who you are around me. Strong or weak. Happy or sad. You don't have to fake it with me because I love you.” Y/n felt a blush creep up her cheeks. 

“I love you too. And thank you for saying that. I'll try to be more open, just be patient with me?” She muttered. 

“I could wait centuries for you,” he told her, guiding her lips to his and kissing her. He deepened the kiss, wanting to feel her even closer to him. Y/n felt like she couldn't breathe, but didn't want to break the kiss. She whined when Sylus did, making him smirk. “How about I show you just how much I wanna take care of my strong girl?” His eyes darkened as he moved to hold himself on top of her, pressing another kiss to her lips before moving lower and lower, slowly moving her shorts down with him…. 

Zayne: 

Zayne was the only person y/n was able to lower her guard with, he also happened to be her boyfriend. Growing up with him near meant he had been there through ups and downs. So while she struggled to let her guard down with most people, Zayne was not one of them. Besides, her guard needed to be up as a hunter. So when she got done with a half week long mission outside of Linkon, she headed straight for Zayne’s apartment instead of her own. 

They had kept in touch as much as they could while y/n was gone from Linkon, but she didn't bother to tell him she was headed straight for his place after. She missed him and was exhausted from the mission. Upon entering his apartment, she realized she didn't even check his schedule, the apartment being empty. He'd return eventually though, she thought as she curled up into his bed, breathing in the comforting scent. 

Zayne was nervous when his apartment door opened without him typing in the code to get in. The nerves eased up on remembering y/n was the only person who had access. As his eyes searched his apartment, he unbuttoned the top of his shirt, the dress shirt growing uncomfortable after wearing it all day. His stomach dropped when he entered his bedroom and found his girlfriend laying on his bed, covered in blood and dirt. He rushed over and immediately pressed some fingers to her throat, checking her pulse. He sighed in relief when he felt the familiar thumps. Of course she would be okay, she was a skilled hunter. A skilled hunter who ignores her health conditions and lies about being hurt to him. So he began to examine her, ensuring there was nothing major. “Zayne, are you examining me?” Y/n peeked an eye open as he was searching her other arm. 

“I need to make sure you're alright,” he responded.

“I'm fine babe,” she sat up and stretched. 

“You always say that. Last time you were ‘just fine’,” he narrowed his eyes and made quotes with his fingers. “You needed stitches in two separate spots.” 

“Fair point. Fine look,” she gave in, spreading out her arms so he could take a good look. And he did, making sure to check every part he could. He nodded in content. “Nothing major,” he noted. Y/n nodded, a smile on her face. “How was the mission?” 

“Ugh,” she sighed. “It went fine, just a lot of long nights in a row. And a good amount of fighting. I'm exhausted.” 

“When do you work again?” 

“Two days from now,” she answered almost as a question. Zayne narrowed his eyes on her. “Fine okay, tomorrow,” she admitted. Zayne sighed. 

“Take a day off to rest princess,” he frowned slightly. She looked at him with a pleading look. “Doctor's orders,” he raised his brow, making her sigh in defeat. 

“Fine. I'll call in tomorrow.” 

“Good. Let's get cleaned up,” he decided, easily lifting the girl into his arms and carrying her to the nearby bathroom. Wordlessly, or more like with a raised brow when y/n went to undress, he moved to get her out of her uniform, before undressing himself and stepping into the shower. Although he believed she was insane for the amount of heat required in her showers, he turned the knob to be as hot as possible before reaching a hand out, inviting her in. He watched as she visibly relaxed from the heat, a soft smile on his face. While she stood and appreciated the feeling of the water in her skin, Zayne grabbed the nearby soap and began washing her back. When finished, he placed his hands on her hips and turned her towards him, continuing his new job. “Okay you're turn baby,” y/n sang, grabbing the soap from him. 

“If you insist,” he sighed, not having the energy himself to argue. She repeated the same gentleness in her boyfriend, making sure to wash him completely. When they were both free of sweat, dirt, and blood, they stepped out of the shower and grabbed some towels. Y/n left the bathroom first, heading to Zayne’s closet, but was stopped when a hand grabbed hers. She turned to look at Zayne confused. “Go lay on the bed,” he nodded towards his bed. “I'll give you a massage.” Her eyes lit up at the offer and quickly shuffled to lay face down on his bed. 

Zayne followed, grabbing the massage oils he had used on her before, not wanting her muscles to be tense. He hadn't bothered to dress himself, towel wrapped around his waist. He chuckled when he saw the towel still firmly wrapped around his girlfriend. “It'll be hard with this in the way, princess,” he commented, tugging the towel. 

“You mean you'll be hard with it off?” Y/n turned her head to the side and teased him. He just sighed in response. 

“I can control myself, thank you. How will I massage your back if it's covered?” He questioned. She shrugged before giggling and pushing herself up to undo the towel, letting it fall to the side before laying back down. Zayne was a bit startled, as usually she'd keep her waist down covered when he massaged her, not that it was that often. But he regained his composure quickly, rubbing the oil between his hands and beginning the massage. He hadn't mentioned it to her, but he took notice of how tight her muscles tended to be, which made sense because of her job. So he had taken a massage class at the hospital that they offered she could get massages anytime. They'd be free and of course due to the class, they'd also be good. He was meticulous with it, as he is when performing surgeries, making sure to get rid of every knot and tight spot. 

To y/n, the massages from him were like no other. Going to a regular massage was nice, but having someone you love and care for massage you was incredible. She could feel how much he cared for her in the improvements he seemed to be making with the massages. She was almost falling asleep from how relaxed she felt. He had even messaged her legs and arms today, leaving her feeling like jelly. When he was finished she didn't even want to move, so she didn't. He had placed a blanket over top of her, so she wouldn't get cold as well. She heard him walking and rustling, putting some clothes on and such, but didn't move. It wasn't until she felt the bed dip that she moved to look. Zayne was sitting against his headboard next to her phone in hand. She watched him for a while until he set his phone down and met her gaze. “Whatcha doing?” She asked him. 

“Ordering dinner. It should be here quick. You wanna put some clothes on?” He asked. 

“You don't wanna see me like this,” she gave him a teasing pout, making him chuckle. 

“Of course I do. All the time,” he admitted. “I'm perfectly happy with you just like that, as long as I'm the one answering the door to get the food so no one else sees what's mine, princess.” Y/n’s face flushed slightly, not expecting such a serious answer, though this was her boyfriend. She wordlessly got up and went to his closet, finding some of his clothes to sleep in. Once dressed she flopped back onto Zayne's bed, the two saying nothing. Their silence was interrupted by the bell ringing, Zayne immediately getting up to get the food. Y/n sat up legs criss crossed patiently waiting. “Food is here princess,” Zayne called for her. After not getting a response, he entered his bedroom. Y/n gave him her best puppy eyes and he sighed. “If you spill on my bed,” he threatened. 

“That was one time! I'll be careful, I promise,” she begged. He didn't answer, instead leaving and returning with the bag of food. He got the boxes out, handing one to her. When she went to open it and dive in, Zayne stopped her. He wrapped his fingers around the fork she held and took it from her, loading the fork. She furrowed her brows. “What are you doing babe? I can feed myself you know,” she questioned. 

“Not without making a mess,” he teased, earning a slap from the woman. “I know you're perfectly capable, but I want to. You're exhausted and I don't want you to have to lift a finger. You're my princess after all, no?” 

“Fine,” y/n sighed. Zayne guided the fork to her mouth and she opened, though a bit embarrassed to be spoon fed by her boyfriend. Eventually, it wasn't so embarrassing and kind of nice to not even have to move to eat. When she finished her food, Zayne dug into his. 

When they were both finished, Zayne threw away the boxes before joining his girlfriend in bed. She was quick to snuggle up against him, seeking warmth. He obviously wrapped his arms around her, keeping her close. “Thank you for today. I know you're also probably tired from work, so I appreciate you caring for me still,” y/n thanked him. 

“Of course princess. You do the same for me. Always making sure I eat and sleep at a reasonable time. I want to be able to take care of you too,” he answered, moving to kiss her. 

“You're getting a little too good at massages.” 

“How so?” 

“I'm gonna fall asleep right now. I can barely keep my eyes open from how relaxed I feel.” He chuckled in response. 

“Good thing it's time to fall asleep then. Goodnight princess. Have the sweetest dreams. I love you.” 

“I love you too,” he heard her mumble before fully relaxing into him. He smiled when a moment later he heard her soft snores, joining her in Dreamland not too long after. 

Xavier: 

Xavier and y/n had just finished a grueling three day mission together. Everything had gone wrong, more and more wanderers showing up. They had pretty much fought non stop for three days. When attempting to get rest when there weren't any wanderers, the person on guard, Xavier, spotted more coming. Y/n hadn't even fallen asleep. Eventually, backup was called to help finish the job. Even still, the two were exhausted, barely moving. Unfortunately, the desire to eat was even stronger than that of sleeping. “Hot pot?” Y/n asked the man, walking next to him. He nodded in response and the two wordlessly walked to the hot pot place they always went to. 

At first, the two ate in complete silence, not even having the energy to do anything but eat. They were surrounded by people at other tables, talking and laughing, while they sat silently. The ambiance almost made Xavier fall asleep, his girlfriend lightly kicking his foot under the table to wake him. The food began coming and they ate, almost leaving the meat in too long from their exhaustion. After each eating around four servings of just meat, they regained some energy. “Do you ever regret becoming a hunter?” Y/n suddenly asked. 

“Mmm,” Xavier thought. “No.” 

“Really? Even after missions like that where you can barely walk home?” 

“Yeah. I want to help people, even if that means being exhausted. Plus I'll just take a few days off and sleep,” he shrugged. She shook her head. 

“That sounds like something you'd say you sleepy head,” she smiled. 

“Yeah. Even better though if I have you next to me,” he admitted, throwing her off. She said nothing, instead busying herself with the plate of vegetables that arrived. She couldn't deny it was much nicer to sleep next to him than alone. When they finished their food, they walked hand in hand to their apartment complex. “Wanna stay at mine tonight?” Xavier suddenly asked. 

“What do you have planned?” Y/n asked curiously. 

“To sleep, obviously.” 

“Only if I can sleep next to you and we wash up first. We shouldn't sleep covered in blood and dirt,” she chuckled. 

“Do we have to? Wouldn't it be so much nicer to just get into bed as soon as possible?” 

“We do lovey. Imagine how much nicer it'll be when we're cleaned and in something more comfortable. I don't want to either. I’d much rather just crash. I could sleep right here if I wanted to.” 

“Please don't. It's not safe.” 

“Exactly. So we should wash up first thing,” she smiled at him. 

“Fine,” he agreed. When the two of them got to Xavier's apartment, y/n dragged him straight to his bathroom, starting the shower. Once in the shower, they just stood and appreciated the water. Xavier wrapped his arms around his lover and rested his head on her shoulder, pressing a kiss to her cheek first. He almost fell asleep like that, but she moved first, grabbing the soap and moving to scrub his back. He did the same for her before they wordlessly stepped out and put clothes on. Xavier was impatient as he watched her do her skincare, tugging on her arm and hugging her. “Almost done lovey,” she muttered, making him sigh. Xavier was always a little bit more needy when he was this tired, a bit of a change for them. Y/n was usually the more needy one, being affectionate with him as much as she could. She couldn't help it though. He was her first love. She was tired of having to be strong and independent. Xavier was happy to be there and support her. He was also happy when he was like this. 

Once her skincare was finally complete, she shuffled to the bed, Xavier still wrapped around her and refusing to let go. They made their way under the blankets, Xavier spooning his lover. She relaxed into his hold, laying her hands on his. Y/n was surprised when Xavier spoke up, assuming he had already fallen asleep. “Thank you for today. You're an incredible partner inside and out of work,” he whispered. 

“I could say the same for you. You pretty much saved my life yesterday when I was cornered.” 

“As if I could watch you get hurt. You're my starlight.” 

“Mhm,” she chuckled quietly. 

“Sleep well. I love you my starlight,” he whispered before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. 

“I love you too Xavie,” she whispered back, the short confession lulling the man to sleep. She followed soon after, no longer able to stay awake. 

[muwapsturniolo]

Anxiety ⚠ M. Sturniolo

"so why do i feel like my life is a mess...? everything seemed so good."

⟢ ANGST!!!! obviously, this has to do with anxiety. in no way shape or form am i trying to glorify anxiety or romanticize it. this more so is me projecting but also taking inspo from other sources that have expressed the way their anxiety takes form.

divider cred @bernardsbendystraws

The party started off fun.

He was having a good time, surrounded by people who were his friends, along with a few new faces. He had a drink in his hand, a smile on his face, and overall good energy.

Nothing could bring him down, he was on top of the world.

He was standing with Chris and two other girls, all of them laughing and talking with each other.

Time seemed to suddenly stand still when he made eye contact with a girl across the room. She was pretty, a diamond in the rough, Matt thought to himself. However, there was something off about her, something he couldn't put his finger on.

All he knew was that the closer she got, his palms grew sweaty, the grip on his cup tightening. The air in the room felt suffocating, his chest getting tight as he tried to breathe. He felt stuck, like there was a human-sized fly trap keeping him stuck in place.

She approaches him with an eerie aura, everything around her turning into visible static that he could feel in his limbs. The red flags in his mind were waving at a concerning pace, warning him that danger was near. She looked him up and down, her black beady eyes judging his attire and what seemed to be everything about him.

He licks his lips and opens his mouth to speak when suddenly, she leans in, her shockingly cold breath fanning over his face.

"You don't belong here."

Her simple yet harsh statement sent his mind into overdrive, every rebuttal he could have given dying in his throat before he could make a sound.

"Look at you, trying so hard to fit in with these people when they don't even want you here. You try so hard, and yet you still manage to be a loser. You've been nursing the same drink for hours, you look a hot mess, and you're pathetic attempts at flirting are comical. You keep trying to be like Chris, and you never will be, he's better than you."

His chest gets tighter at every blow she lands, his hands starting to shake. His mouth starts to feel dry, the need for water or any type of liquid is strong, yet he remains stuck in place.

What is going? Who is this girl? Why is Chris just letting her say these things to him and not stopping her?

"Look around Matthew, everyone's looking at you, judging everything about you. You should leave before they start poking fun in your face. Who knows, maybe Chris will join in, after all, you've been attached to him like a puppy, seeking his attention and validation."

His eyes dart around the party, his tremors growing worse seeing everyone looking at him.

Meanwhile, Chris was starting to grow concerned. He noticed the way Matt zoned out, staring off into the crowd of people. He noticed the way his breathing had become labored, his face turning almost green as if he was going to be sick. He noticed the way his hands started to shake, the way he swallowed harshly.

He tried to get his attention, nudging him softly, saying his name, even waving a hand in front of his face, but nothing worked.

"Matt!" He finally shouts, drawing the attention of most people.

It seems like the air is punched back into Matt's chest, a loud and harsh gasp leaving his mouth as he snaps his head towards Chris. Their eyes meet, Chris's filled with concern while Matt's hold fear.

"Bro I've been saying your name for like the past five minutes, you good?" Matt goes to answer, but the words die in his throat once more as he sees more people staring at him.

He couldn't do it.

So he quickly left the party, his drink tumbling to the ground as he fled, ignoring the way Chris shouted for him.

A few days later, the three brothers sat in the car parked across the street from a random gas station. They were filming a video and everything was going smoothly until things took a turn.

Chris and Nick, the more passionate ones, had started arguing over who knows what. Matt had tried to intervene, finding the whole thing funny and laughing out. However, Chris and Nick weren't listening, continuing to speak over him.

He catches a glimpse of something moving out the corner of his eye, his eyes darting towards the windshield.

His blood runs cold seeing the same girl from the party, her talon-like fingers sending him a daunting wave. He swallows harshly and rubs at his eyes, hoping that his mind was playing a trick on him. When he looked back at the spot, the girl was gone. He visibly relaxes, letting out a sigh of relief and closing his eyes briefly.

He only has a millisecond of peace, when the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

"Matthew."

His eyes dart open, immediately landing on the rearview mirror.

All the air leaves his lungs when he sees the familiar black beady eyes staring deep into his soul.

How was she in the car? Who was she? Why aren't Chris and Nick freaking out over this stranger being in their car? He tries to speak, the urge to voice his panic strong, but he gets shut down by Nick.

"Shut the fuck up Matt!''

"See Matt? They don't want to talk to you. They don't even care about you. You're nothing but a pest, an annoying pest who they have to call their brother. I'm sure if they had the chance to continue their career without you, they'd take it. You bring nothing to the channel, besides being a driver that is, that's why they keep you around. otherwise, you're useless."

She says her words nonchalantly, like her words were so right and it was no big deal. She said her words as if they weren't sending him into distress.

"T-thats not t-true..." He says softly, basically a whisper.

She chuckles, pushing her body off the seat and leaning closer so she can whisper in his ear.

"You see the things people say online, your so-called fans calling out your lack of effort. You've heard the way Chris and Nick call you out. you've heard the things they said."

"N-no ... N-no that's not right..." His argument was weak, he and the mysterious girl knew it.

"When are you going to stop lying to yourself?"

"Why are y-you doing this?"

He refuses to turn his head, scared to meet her face to face, knowing she would end up haunting him in his dreams.

"Because...You need to hear the truth, Matthew."

His fingers clench around the wheel, his knuckles turning white with how much tension there is. He's so caught up in the mentally draining conversation he's having, he doesn't even notice his foot starting to push down on the gas pedal, the speedometer reaching 70.

"The people you surround yourself with, the people you call friends and family, they don't like you, they don't want you. They lie to your face Matt, I'm only telling you the truth."

She so convincing without even trying.

He finally turns his head, his blue eyes meeting her dark ones. That same menacing smile makes its way onto her face when she sees the look of realization in his eyes.

She sits back in her seat, waiting for everything to finally play out.

Nick and Chris suddenly realize the sound coming from the car, seeing Matt's foot on the gas pedal as his hand is wrapped around the gear shift.

They freak out, Matt flinching as their yelling is now directed towards him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! Are you trying to kill us?!"

"Why the fuck are you acting like a dumbass?! What is wrong with you?!"

His breathing becomes labored, knowing that his brothers are mad at him and "hate" him, being too much to handle. He begins to spiral, basically falling out of the car as he swings the door open, ignoring the way Chris and Nick shout for him to come back. He quickly makes his way into the gas station, missing the way the static figure trails behind him as he heads straight for the bathroom. He slams the door shut and locks it, flinging himself into a corner as he tries to breathe. The salty tears pooling in his eyes make him clench them shut.

"Shhh, it's ok Matt, I'm here."

Her voice, her siren-like voice, rings out in the bathroom. He flinches feeling her cold arms embrace him, her attempts at comforting him feeble but somehow working.

"It's ok, it's all going to be ok. I'm the only real friend you have, the only friend you need. it's all going to be ok."

And she was.

She was the only friend he had now, watching over him constantly, haunting him.

He shut everyone out, blocking most of the numbers beside his family and deleting them. He shut out Chris and Nick, leaving the two confused.

They knew he was struggling, Chris telling Nick about the party and how Matt just freaked out. They came to the conclusion that his anxiety was getting bad, they just couldn't understand why it was, or why it happened so quickly.

He stayed cooped up in his room, refusing to leave the house. he also refused to film, leaving the other two no choice but to upload without him. They begged and pleaded for him to come out of his room and spend time with them or film, but each time, they were met with harsh words.

The words hurt, but they didn't give up.

But it seems like Matt did.

He lays in bed staring at the wall with a blank look, the messy room reflecting the mess he called his mind. He feels the bed dip behind him, the all-too-familiar coldness embracing him.

"Isn't this better?" She voices, her nimble fingers tracing his ink-covered arm.

He says nothing, but his silence is loud.

"You don't have to worry about the hate from those fans now. You don't have to worry about the fake friends judging and using you. You're finally at peace now."

She tries to convince him this was right, that this was the best outcome for him, but he can't help but feel like this was wrong.

"So why do I feel like my life is a mess...Everything seemed so good."

He turns towards her, his bloodshot eyes tracing her blurry figure.

"It wasn't good..."

"But it was..." He bites back.

She becomes angry, her fingers suddenly holding his arm tightly. "No it wasn't Matthew. I thought we have been over this, stop lying to yourself!"

He feels this anger form in his chest, an anger he's never felt before. He jumps up from his bed, standing over her with a look of disgust.

"you're lying! Everything was fine until you came along! It wasn't perfect but it was fine! You appeared out of thin air and turned everything to shit!"

"I have never lied to you! Any and everything I said has always been your own thoughts just voiced out loud!" She screams at him, her voice booming and making the ground shake.

He stumbles back, falling to the ground and curling into a ball as she shouts every negative thought he's ever had into the air. His raw and bitten fingers tangle in his greasy and messy hair, tugging at the strands with such force that he can feel the clumps falling out.

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" He begins to scream, his voice raw as tears form in his eyes.

He couldn't handle it anymore.

"Chris, Nick!" He sobs out for his brothers.

The two had heard him talking to himself, giving each other worried glances. But when they heard the shouting and the panicked call out of their names, they jumped up and ran to him. They burst into his room, tripping over each other and the things on the floor as they rushed over to his crying form.

Their stomachs drop seeing him curled up in a fetal position, his eyes bloodshot as he continues to sob and dry heave. They fall to their knees and wrap their arms around him, trying to bring him some type of comfort.

And it works.

They were warm, unlike the mysterious girl with beady eyes who was always cold. He could hear their heartbeats, their words of tender love and care, feeling like a breath of fresh air compared to the harsh words that had been spewed towards him for months.

"I-I'm sorry I-" Nick cuts him off, hugging him even tighter. "Shh, it's ok, it's fine, you're going to be fine, we are going to be fine."

"We got you, you know we always got your back. We're triplets, it's the best bond to have." Chris adds on, wiping Matt's tears away.

"I-I need h-help, I don't w-want to keep feeling like this." Matt says, shaking, still trying to catch his breath and reel himself in. Nick and Chris eye each other, nodding softly before focusing back on Matt.

"We'll get you help, whatever you need to be ok."

The reality was he was still drowning, the cold and harsh waters filling up his lungs and dragging him down, but he was close.

He was close to reaching the surface and he would continue the fight for air.

He stares into her eyes, letting her know this fight isn't over but he plans on winning.

[irradiatedsnakes]

dialtown object head model masterlist

looong post incoming! i've been on a hunt to have a full list of what every dialtown character's head is, kind of as an extension of my own phone (and printer) collecting irl. these were compiled with the help of a very kind handful of people, most notably @germaaaaaaaaaa who has a real knack for sniffing models out! photos are from the sources linked as well as my own personal collection.

phonegingi/callum

3D models based on this specific Ericsson Bakelite 1507, as shown in the extras menu (see first photo below). Note the broken plate on the front where one would put the number card, which is reflected in both Gingi and Callum’s models (Gingi’s has it facing downwards, and Callum’s faces upwards):

typegingi

3D model based on two typewriter models: the overall shape is that of a 1948-1949 Royal Quiet Deluxe, while the keys, carriage, and various details (like the color indicator dots to the side of the keyboard) from an Olympia SM9. Jbhusker on r/typewriters identified that for me :]

oliver

Telecom Eireann Slaney, the Irish version of the BT Relate 200, in color “oatmeal”. He also has a removable plastic standee part on the back that allows it to be hung on the wall, which we don’t see in his sprites but we do see in an image Dog posted of the back of the phone (which is how we know he's in oatmeal, since it's noted on the sticker- the photo below of my slaney is actually in alpine white, it's just become a similar oatmealy color due to age), as well as in the crowd shot during Roger’s presentation, with someone else with the same head.

karen

3D model that is primarily based on a Canon Pixma ts202 (thanks to Smooth in phonecord for that ID!), but has significant differences in shape and color. She’s one of a kind!

randy

Nokia 3410, which came in a couple colors (the Randy aqua we know, silver, and rarely red).

bigfoot

A disposable camera without its outer plastic shell or paper labeling, this Renault one or something similar (maybe different branding? I swear dog mentioned he got bigfoot’s camera at a zoo.). Smooth on the discord found this one.

norm

norm's head is made of meat. here's his hat (which he wears backwards in his sprites). (i never wrote down who found this one and i can't re-find it in phonecord search, sorry. like a 90% chance it was germa)

mingus

Salvage the cat. Salvage the cat is a very unique model of cat.

roger

FeTAp 791-1, in orange (apparently hueshifted- in real life he’s red, but there ARE orange versions of this model, they’re just harder to find than some other colors). This model came in a bunch of colors- please enjoy this one that looks like it’s made of meat and gristle. Far as I can tell, these were mostly German, but also popped up fairly frequently in the Soviet Union. Mine is an Argentinean release of the same model.

peter

Western Electric Model 500, the most widely-produced rotary phone in history, in red. Note also that Peter has no lettering or numbering on his head, which is edited (it’s not possible to sand off a 500’s numbering because it’s actually filled-in plastic vice paint on top). Due to the color & clear plastic wheel, Peter’s model is from 1956 or later.

god

Emerson 11P50. Here’s the specific stock images that his sprites are of, too. byrdffv on phonecord.

jerry

Bell JO-4 or JN-4, same make, different color. Jerry is the same solid color all-around. I’d assumed he had to be custom-painted- I haven’t seen a single Jerry or almost-Jerry that’s the same solid color he is on the internet besides his OG stock photo (since, as you can see on mine, the metal and plastic parts are always different colors), but it’s not a well-documented series of models, and according to Dogman he’s seen ones like him IRL. Here’s the stock images used for Jerry. See also, his wheelchair, a LAWC001 (that one’s credit to Germa).

mr. dickens

K6 Telephone box. Not much more to say, there aren’t a massive amount of red UK telephone box models.

and with that, i've reached the 30-image limit per post. i'll continue this in a reblog, or you can view the rest of them at the google doc i've set up here!

[christiannerd]

God's response to prayers for guidance can come in multiple ways. Actively listening for the answer often involves keeping in mind that we serve a sovereign God who is in control of everything that happens, even the minutest details, even the things that have a natural explanation. He designed the laws of nature, and planned the way things work out on their own, and He also has the ability to override the laws of nature when He wants. He is sovereign. Because He is in control of everything, He can use anything to speak through, so keep an eye out for repeated messages coming from unrelated places. Here's some ways He's given me guidance before:

- Spiritual Prompting

- The wise council of other believers (they have the Holy Spirit too!)

- His Word (if you can't hear His voice from His Word, where will you hear it?)

- Sermons (There have been so many times when the sermon is on a topic I've been praying about and I knew for a fact the pastor did not know I had been praying about it)

- The lyrics to Christian Music (both in worship services and in my normal music listening. He can use everything)

- The sudden gaining or losing of opportunities (He's not going to close a door He wanted you to walk through. He is sovereign. Your indecision isn't going to mess up His plan. Also, sometimes He does drop stuff in your lap. Not always, but sometimes. Did a door open with spectacular timing? There are no coincidences with God)

I'm sure there's more I'm not thinking of, but that's a list off the top of my head. Usually, God will answer through more than one of these avenues at once. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between Spiritual prompting and your own emotions, but is that prompting in line with what you're seeing in scripture? What do the wise brothers and sisters in your life say in the matter? Have your morning Bible study and the Sunday sermon this week and the last 5 songs you heard all had the exact same message? God might be saying something.

Also, don't be too afraid of messing this up. Again, we serve a sovereign God. We can't mess up His plan. There is no wrong decision you could possibly make that God hasn't already taken into account. If you misinterpret what He's saying, or mistake your own emotions for His speaking He already knows you're going to do that, and He'll work around it and with it, and He'll correct you eventually. Take comfort in the divine determinism of His sovereignty. Your Father's got this.

Me trying to make a simple decision: does following God’s will simply mean not going out on your own initiative and letting things drop in your lap as God wills, so you know they are from him as you have made no choices? Or does it mean to make choices and simply accept the results as God wills it? To offer the choice as potential and see what God does? And what if it’s a choice you unsure about? What if you are playing a fool by making it but you don’t know because you don’t know the outcome will make you a fool? Must all mortal things be left to chance?

[cha-melodius]

20 Fanfic Author Questions

Hello! I emerge from the desert and return to civilization (and am no longer responsible for 10 undergrads lol). Thanks for the tag on this one @loki-is-my-kink-awakening!

ETA: I thought I remembered doing this one and I did, here, about a year ago. Interesting what has and hasn't changed. Why are some of my answers almost verbatim even though I didn't look at this before. 😂 Oh well.

1. How many works on AO3?

136.

2. Total AO3 Word Count?

1,576,928

3. Top 5 fics by Kudos

(these are all RWRB, surprise surprise) Please Don't Let Me Be So Understood Nova, Baby Class(room) Warfare All the Old Showstoppers  Always Where I Need To Be

4. What fandoms do you write for?

Red, White and Royal Blue

Loki

The Man from UNCLE

5. Do you respond to comments?

I mostly respond to comments when I'm publishing a long multichap, so I can chat with people about the fic. I'd love to respond to all the rest and in my head I say I'm absolutely gonna do it someday, but... I have a backlog of about 4k unanswered comments lmao.

6. Angstiest Ending?

Black Moon (TMFU, Napollya) @heytheredeann recently reminded me that this is actually kind of an unhappy ending. More like... it's an open ending and the unhappy ending is implied by circumstances lol. But I think it's also my angstiest because of those circumstances.

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending?

This is nearly impossible to answer because so many of my fics go for maximum fluff at the end. But really any of my long multichaps because I feel like the endings are more fleshed out/we see an epilogue of them happily together in the future.

8. Do you get hate?

I've gotten my share of unkind comments, but I don't think any of them would classify as hate.

9. Do you write smut?

Yes, though I don't really consider myself a smut writer. I don't do PWPs (no judgement to those who do! just not my jam).

10. Do you write crossovers?

I have in the past, though not for quite a long time. I think they're fun, but the audience on them is very narrow.

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

There was that weird 'audible for fanfic' website not that long ago that was ripping off fics and putting them up, and I had at least one on there. Side note they made these horrible AI covers for them and I kinda wish I'd screenshotted mine before it got taken down because it was so absurd.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, a handful of TMFU fics, and @donghaian has translated 12 of my RWRB fics into Mandarin!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Nope. @cricketnationrise and I have fic that's been all planned out but we've not gotten around to trying to write it.

14. All time favourite ship?

UGH IMPOSSIBLE. I refuse to answer lmao.

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

If I want to finish it, I will. The things I won't finish are fics that I started and then either drifted away from the fandom or decided I didn't like it that much.

16. Writing strengths?

Action, dialogue (especially banter), plot. I've been told that my fics play out like movies in people's heads, which is an incredible compliment.

17. Writing Weaknesses?

Lyricism? Idk how to put it. I think my writing is more utilitarian than beautiful.

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

Sure! If it's more than a few words I like to see a translation somewhere, though. Unless the POV character isn't supposed to understand!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Xena: Warrior Princess. Er... 28 years ago lol.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

UGH AGAIN. You're asking me to choose my favorite child! How am I supposed to pick?

Ok, it's Body and Soul(mate). 😂

No pressure tags @pippinoftheshire, @justabigoldnerd, @cricketnationrise, @welcometololaland, @alasse9, @caterpills, @heytheredeann, @rmd-writes, @too-young-to-fall-in-love, @faketrex, @anincompletelist, @read-and-write-, @porcelainmortal, @sparklepocalypse, @blueeyedgrlwrites, @eusuntgratie, @ninzied, @firenati0n, @indestructibleheart, @inexplicablymine, @sherryvalli, @liminalmemories21, @kiwiana-writes, @iboatedhere, @thesleepyskipper, @noahreids, @tintagel-or-cockleshells, @leaves-of-laurelin, @14carrotghoul, @orchidscript, @clottedcreamfudge, @three-drink-amy

[hers-underwraps]

Why Dashi is my favourite character 🩷

This is something I've been wanting to talk about for awhile. I've been putting it off because I typically like to keep my posts lighthearted and fun. Also, this is kinda a personal thing for me lol. However I just think it's important to get it out there.

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Feelings around Dashi in the Octonauts community are so mixed, some people enjoy her whilst other have a pure hatred for Dashi. Unfortunately, there is a large majority that holds that hatred in their hear or people that like her but only for her aesthetic. Hence this is why I wanted to get my thought of why I valued her out there as someone who values her deeply for her character.

Dashi has always been someone I've idolised. As a young girl, she was the epitome of a woman. She was able to exist as someone confident in what her passion was, someone who actively engaged in fields such as coding and engineering, she could lead her crew and be a daredevil. She was also able to be confident in her femininity, she could love pink, and she could love photography and her music. She's an older sister (and a really good one at that), she can be a little silly and she could hold quality/unique relationships with other members of the team. She was also able to accomplish all of this authentically. She wasn't considered a rare exception in the show, this was just considered the norm and it was honestly something I envy so much.

This was something that I took away from the main series of the Octonauts.

That's what she meant to me from the limited screen time that she got. I remember watching the damselfish episode and thinking omg this is the coolest thing ever. Or that episode where they made the tiny camera of the worm and glued it back together. The manta-ray episode where she was so determined to achieve her goal. She held quality relationships with several members. Seriously one of my favourite Dashi moments with the others was her running off with kwazii in the Siphonophore episode. She was always a central member in leading the team and was confident in her leadership/decisions. A few I remember off the top of my head were the episode where they needed a new bubble generator, that one episode where half the crew got beached and she and kwazii were working to get them back or the surfing snail episode. Also I know this isn't from the OG series but I really like her in the ring of fire and San Actun specials (I refuse to watch the Great Barrier Reef special so idk what was happening there)

This was how I interpreted her character before I found out there was a spin-off series that put her in a central role, which honestly was awesome to me because it just affirmed my interpretation of Dashi. It affirmed that my way of interpreting her was not just in my head. Everything she meant to me was real.

This is what made it more heartbreaking for me when I found out that there were so many people who hated her role in both the original and spinoff series. These people thought her role was forced, that her character choices were off and that she was just another mary-sue.

I think a lot of people fail to see one of the main reasons as to why Dashi is an important character to the people that do value her.

This stems from how important representation is for young people. The original series was released back in 2010. Looking at this era contextually, sexism in everyday life was still a massive problem. Stereotypical traditional roles were heavily enforced in media and everyday life. Basic rights for women were largely failing to be met. Even though things have improved a little bit since then, sexism is still a massive issue that affects every woman. So you can imagine how much it meant to the young girls watching this show to see an autonomous and feminine character being able to achieve so much.

Even though she was a side character in the main series, she was who you looked at, I mean how could you not? Just looking at her aesthetically she is quite literally the only one with a stereotypical "feminine" colour palette. She was the only girl on the crew that presented in a traditionally feminine way.

Then you're probably thinking but what about tweak? Well yes, she was absolutely a groundbreaking character too. However, she is presented in such a masculine way that I don't always feel like she has the same impact that Dashi does. She was original going to be a man and she is aired as a man in other translations of The Octonauts (the Russian one off the top of my head). She is as typically "feminine" as Dashi, she honestly lacks any of those qualities. NOTE: (NO HATE TO TWEAK OR GIRLS WHO ARE LIKE HER, I LOVE TWEAK AND MASC GIRLIES)

This is important to me because when I was younger I believed that in order to have a passion in fields that were considered more "masculine" such as science or mathematics you had to reject femininity. That stereotype was so heavily pushed on me and it was genuinely so damaging. I felt that I had to reject everything feminine and I did. I remember getting reprimanded and told "I'm barely even a woman" for my interests. I always felt that I had to sacrifice a part of myself and it was genuinely such a depressing way to be. Sometimes its so bad that I just has breakdowns because I feel I don't belong and I always have that impending feeling of doom that I ever will. I always feel so isolated because I genuinely found it so hard to find other women who shared that interest. On the rare chance I did find someone, they were cases similar to Tweak, girls that had rejected and demonised all feminity to the point where they were basically considered dudes.

This is still something I struggle with so much today. Yes, a girl can enter into a STEM field without being burnt at the stake but there's still so very few. I'm sitting in physics and mathematics classes where I'm effectively the only girl there. Female scientists are never talked about and I'm by other teachers as a rare exception. I still struggle to feel as if I can exist as both feminine and as someone who can be passionate about STEM. Being feminine is so demonised and intimidating in those fields due to the sheer lack of representation, you feel as if it's necessary to conform to a more masculine demeanour. On the flip side, having a genuine passion for STEM is so freaky in the eyes of other girls. If I try and talk about something remotely related to that, I feel as if they're about to hurl tomatoes at me so I never talk about it. It feels like I can never exist authentically and fully as myself, some days I feel like I lose myself, like I don't belong. I value being feminine I really do. I've always been passionate about feminism, I love the colour pink, pretty things and I like presenting that way. But I also love STEM I'm so passionate about it. I just wish there was a way that I could exist as both.

This is why I idolise Dashi so much. She is what I want to be. She's confident in her femininity and confident in her career. She doesn't; need to sacrifice this to achieve her goals. She can exist in a male-dominated crew (which is a realistic scenario for an irl workplace in those fields) without changing that about her. She isn't treated as a rare exception but just valued a normal part of the team.

She is a Stargirl to so many young girls. She exists as an autonomous and bright character, she isn't entirely defined by just her career or gender but she actively represents both. She's realistic, she's flawed, and she grows so much throughout the series and I think her growth is then appreciated in the spin-off. In a world that's lacking authentic representation in both media and so many male-dominated fields, it's so important to realise the innate value of these characters.

So that's why Dashi is my favourite character. She means the world to me.

She always has and always will 🩷

[queenlucythevaliant]

Okay, here we go. Rating literary allusions in Taylor Swift songs:

The Outside: "I tried to take the road less traveled by /but nothing seems to work the first few times/am I right?"--Starting off pretty well! She tried to take the road less traveled by, but it didn't make any difference. 8/10

Love Story: Whole song allusion to Romeo and Juliet-- All those 2008 jokes about Taylor not having read R&J weren't funny then and they aren't funny now. It's a fun, satisfying subversion. However, I am going to dock points for the fact that Romeo and Juliet aren't a prince and princess, just rich. 7/10

Love Story: "You were Romeo/I was a scarlet letter"--Is the Juliet character in "Love Story" being publicly shamed? Did she do something scandalous? There are zero other lines in this song to suggest that she did, and a fair amount of evidence that she didn't. This allusion confuses rather than clarifies and tbh this is the one people should've made fun of in 2008. 2/10

New Romantics: "We show off our different scarlet letters/ trust me, mine is better" --Hooray! She figured out what the book is about! This is a beautifully executed allusion, where "scarlet letters" represents a mark of something shameful which, in a fun subversion, is being shown off with pride. Fits the song really well. Most improved award, 11/10

Getaway Car: "It was the best of times, the worst of crimes" (A Tale of Two Cities) -- Goes in the category of "fun wordplay, but doesn't really mean anything deeper" 5/10

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: "Feeling so Gatsby for that whole year" --This is a perfectly serviceable allusion, but not a super interesting one. Sub "Gatsby" out with "nostalgic" and the song wouldn't change at all. She could've done a lot more with the reference, given the subject matter of the song. 6/10

cardigan: "I knew you/tried to change the ending/Peter losing Wendy" -- This works! You get a sense of Betty losing her innocence and choosing to leave James and of it being inevitable somehow. Plus, it imbues the song with a lovely fairy tale quality. 10/10

illicit affairs: "take the road less traveled by/tell yourself you can always stop" -- To take the road less traveled by is to do something risky, unpopular, or unfamiliar, not just to take a route through town where you won't run into people. Not totally egregious, but the regression from Debut is disappointing. 4/10

invisible string: "and isn't it just so pretty to think/ that all along there was some/ invisible string tying you to me."(The Sun Also Rises)--Ugggggh. Okay, so "Isn't it pretty to think so?" is this sad, tired, ironic note in The Sun Also Rises. Brett tells Jake, "We could have had a damned good time together" and Jake says "Isn't it pretty to think so?" because their whole situationship was never going to work. It's not a positive thing; it's pure, bitter Lost Generation irony. Completely out-of-place in a song about how two people we're supposed to believe will actually work as a couple. This one drives me nuts, and I don't even like Hemingway. 0/10

happiness: "I hope she'll be a beautiful fool/ who takes my spot next to you" (Gatsby)--Saying this about an ex's future SO is so... off. Like, the reason why Daisy hopes her daughter will be a beautiful fool is because it's easy. The two situations have nothing to do with one another, and not in an interesting way. 1/10

The Albatross: whole song allusion to "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner," but most notably "She's the albatross/ she is here to destroy you"--The albatross in the Rime is a good omen. The Mariner shoots is for no reason, and the albatross's death is the ostensible source of bad fortune. I wrote a whole separate post on this here. That said, culturally "albatross=bad omen" is common enough, so whatever. 3/10

I Hate It Here: "I will go to secret gardens in my mind/ people need a key to get to/ the only one is mine" -- I like this one a lot. Exactly the right vibe for the song, trying to escape something miserable by going somewhere pleasant. The key is a nice touch. Poor Archibald. 10/10

The Prophecy: "I got cursed like Eve got bitten" --No Taylor, that's not what happened. Famously, Eve was the biter in that situation. 0/10

Cassandra: whole song allusion -- correct me if I'm wrong (I haven't actually read the Illiad), but my understanding is that Cassandra died fairly far into the Trojan war, and not by burning. 4/10

[b-free]

"My ship itself has about a two and a half mile radius. B's is a bit smaller, around a mile or so." Alex waited for the drones before they headed to the van that would take them to the ship, B seeming just a little bit antsy to get out. While it was darker out, there was still sun to be seen, leaving B to flick her tail before she bolted for the airlock and let herself in, steam drifting off her chassis as Alex took a less hurried pace to the ship.

Before entering, she pointed to the control tower, which was a rather reinforced looking building with a complicated looking antenna sticking out from the top. "The antenna is reinforced against most weather conditions, and the beacon is that little pyramid near the base. That's typically what the on planet ones look like, though I've got mine kinda... to the side more." She shrugged as they headed into the ship to work on taking off, a wave and thanks given to the drone that drove them up.

On Cassidy’s phone rested a message from Alex.

The human herself had been in her workshop on and off since Cassidy had gotten up the day following her arrival, leaving B to mention that the human was working on something that would be part of one of the first things that Cassidy would be coming along to take part in for the internship. B herself had been doing a few things of her own, though it was less anything to do with their goal and more organizing movies a few times for some reason.

It left the drone to see Alex, the human working on what she could clearly see was a Nanite. A large screen was showing the view that was at her tooltips, a little glass dish with a magnet under it holding the teeny thing in place as she worked. Her hands set the tools aside, and she rubbed at her eyes as her hands were given a break from the delicate work that she had been focusing on for so long.

It was probably the perfect chance for the drone to announce herself.

( It begins @b-free )

She makes sure to thank B before going to the workshop. When she sees the screen, she's impressed.

"Hey, Alex. Did you want to see me?"

She walks further in and takes another look at the screen, then the dish.

"I've never seen one of these up close, or separated."

[lexydakitten]

it turns out you in fact can finish a drawing if you actually draw for more than 15 minutes instead of staring at the wall. however it also turns out that one cannot get it to NOT be miserably compressed. shame i really like this one lol it has so many layers of lighting ^^'

[camellcat]

when in doubt if designing isn't going well just switch the animal ur working on

[swordsonnet]

.

[likeswallowstosea]

So my math professor banned the usage of pi today in the circle unit... no I don't get his logic either. But I should be on this weekend after I finish my homework

[sodafrog13]

in an ideal world, i will get to see mark play the remake of OFF when it comes out later this year

[mushroomjar]

I need to read more yuriiiii I have so many recommendations written down but if anyone has any they'd like to share please do so

[bookwyrminspiration]

Line for you to find:

“It’s yet another reason I didn’t want to involve my family. I’ve never done anything I didn’t believe in—but that doesn’t mean I haven’t crossed hard lines.”

I have to concede this one to you, Mr. Pyren. I knew I recognized it, but I couldn't place it even after over half and hour of brainstorming. Because I got it in my head that it was an Alden quote, but when I couldn't find it I went to the internet to double check, and unfortunately it showed me the page number, so I ruined the test </3

alas! it is so obvious now that I've gotten past the Alden thing! but I think it's no surprise I missed the lodestar quote, that book mysteriously vanishes from so many memories

[sysig]

Challenge level: Impossible (Patreon)