#but it's still a bus of some kind
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Shout out to the non-partnering people out there who want to spend their lives with a friend and live with them without it being a QPR or partnership of any kind.
#text#aro#aromantic#aroace#arospec#aspec#nonpartnering#non-partnering#non partnering#nonamorous#i see a lot of posts abt living with your friends bu tit's always about QPRs#as if living with a friend means that it must be a partnership of some kind#i just want to tell ppl it's ok to not want a partnership and still want to live with a friend.#im someone who cant live alone i need someone i trust to live with and my closest relationships are my friendships#so living with a friend is like my only option#but i dont want it to be assumed that im in a QPR or partnership just because I live with a friend
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when the slowburn makes the ship extra cute~~~
#kimikawaii this week for sure!!!!!! (has been saying that since july)#ik the nghy payoff will be ✨sweet✨ but it’s kinda funny how hw are slowburning nagisa’s role in the series as a whole#mans has a grand total of 3 songs to date and only 1 has a cv ver#place your bets what do you think will come first? nghy duet or ariken duet#t h o u g h. ariken is also kind of a slowburn but we all knew they’d get together since ijiwaru release (shoutout to the og miku ver)#some say that ariken is still not canon in the novels to this very day#can’t believe we got arisa’s future career aspirations reveal before ariken canon in the novels smh#but i digress!!!!!!!!!!!! nagisa needs more action and attention!!!!!!#he did have kind of a ‘the bus came back’ moment with the izumo collab but we never saw his face again after that#(full cast merch doesnt count bc p. much everyone’s included in them except for the school nurse and kako)#so. all im saying is: slowburn nghy by all means. just dont slowburn nagisa’s character arc aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#now that mona mania has cooled off (to a degree) and chizusweep has mellowed out (somewhat) it’s shiranami’s time to shine!!!!!!!!#y. yeah. ik it’s harder to market him bc he’s a literal average (albeit handsome) joe but that’s part of his charm!!!!!#i mean!!!!! he can cook!!!!! he stans ft4!!!!! he’s devoted to the girl he loves!!!!!! he’s a dreamboat!!!! what more could you ask for?#but. i do have to say that nghy developments have been kinda awkwardly handled as a whole… esp with heroine ikusei#i think nagisa should’ve been introduced in heroiku or something… since he was planned from the start of hiyori’s development…#maybe they were trying to pull a ‘2nd love wins’ kinda parallel with kthn? but the ascana retcon made everything awkward huh…#i think it could’ve worked out in the mv-verse. like if they’d placed heroika+sukiuso after the fight+make up in herotaru#so the timeline would go smoothly from heroiku -> herotaru -> heroika#with hiyo realising that she’d be better off focusing on work and track after the asuka debacle + chizu fight#like a ‘forget romance!!! i gotta work hard and run hard!!! omg wait nagisa wdym you love me???’ kinda thing#but the [redacted] anime p much cut + pasted the asuka arc with the nagisa visit and. hm.#is this just an excuse to blame the clumsy handling of the nghy arc on the [redacted] anime? m… maybe…?#but it all still could’ve kinda worked out if they’d shifted the timelines around a little. y’know. since sukiuso mv has nagisa visit in oct#idk i think having hiyo learn how to doll herself up from lxl for her first crush (asuka)#and then using what she learned to yassify herself to meet up with nagisa would’ve been neater?#like a ‘hey look nagisa :) i applied what i learned from my pals :)’ kinda thing#or maybe chizu and juri could’ve helped her with the nagisa dressup scene post-herotaru fight… but i digress!!!!!!#hmmmmmmmmmm… well. this has gone way off topic… anyways nghy canon and cute that’s all byeeee#the dude from gamushara
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faceless / obscured face besties ! (2 of these characters loathe each other and one accidentally murdered the other)
#in the Rachel / Nathan / Victoria 3 episode miniseries Im always writing in my head Victoria is mostly obscured/in the background of Rachels#episode because Rachel has been suspended by this point and knows if Victoria sees her she'll immediately snitch. she finally gets to#Nathan's dorm and we see Victoria leering in the background/hear her once Nathan opens the door but he's being#weird around Rachel so she'll seek him out once he apologizes and can lure her to the dark room so he's quick and kind of rude but shuts#Rachel out almost immediately. she's only there to talk to him because she thinks Victoria got her suspended and wants to talk to#her through Nathan who she considers her friend bc she knows if Nathan has some sympathy for her Victoria will be less cruel. still not kin#but less biting in her remarks. in Nathan's episode it's like 3 days past Rachel being dead so she's been officially declared as missing bu#the episode opens with him in his home bedroom instead of his dorm because he's been avoiding his peers/her missing posters/tvs. so even#though Rachel is mentioned at school fairly often he never says her name. he almost breaks when his dad asks him if he#knows anything about 'the missing girl' to test him because he obviously knows about the DR but Nathan says no and deflects to ask about#seeing dr Jacoby or something which is Obviously not what his dad wants to hear . he goes back on campus the next day and Victoria seems#shaken by Rachel's absence as well -- he says something like 'she's probably on the beach in california laughing at all of us' and we see#Victoria reckon with the fact that he definitely knows SOMETHING but doesn't want to engage with that so she agrees and they both agree not#to go to a search party in the woods the next morning because it would be a waste of time . they sleep in together and he seems much more a#peace asleep next to Victoria who is noticeably awake. they act like nothing happened the next week and he notices Taylor/courtney follow i#attitude the next time him and Victoria see them (even though they were both at the search party) . from there on he doesn't mention Rachel#but is trying to get into contact with Jefferson who is avoiding him for obvious reasons. he finally 'comforts' him at the end of the episo#and says that it was going to happen to Rachel someday which Nathan accepts. watch the succession number one boy scene now .#in victoria's episode Rachel appears so prominently because Victoria is fixated on the possibility that Nathan hurt her but doesn't want to#confront him on it or mention Rachel to him at all because she knows how he gets - Nathan might even be absent for a majority of the episod#because she's Amateur Girl Detective-ing in the spirit of lis1/Audrey Horne so she's avoiding him for the most part and focusing on her#studies (both the actual school work and trying to prove to herself that he had no role in her disappearance but knowing otherwise but#wishing it was the other way)#or something
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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Compiling some of the Chuck pictures I took this year 🔥 Really took him everywhere I possibly could because he cost me an arm (still the best purchase I've ever made + supporting artists is cool.)
#here's to many more...#if i'm still around next year#chuck mcgill#bcs#tagging him idc everyone needs to see this#imagine being in the bus and there's some mentally ill guy giggling and taking pictures of a plushie. yeah#the firework one nearly killed me because i can't stand the noise and feeling my insides vibrating#but it was worth it just for the picture#also took him to school everyday#kind of lost it during my last high school weeks and i just started walking around the school with him in my hand#i'm fine btw
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Repeat after me: something being unhealthy or otherwise causing the person doing it distress does not make it morally wrong.
(This is part of healthism.)
#this brought to you be the fact that repeated severe traumatic brain injury is handwaved by most people when it's a result of football#but stuff like getting so sucked into online discussions of oppression that you end up more traumatized than from the oppression alone#despite that not standing up for yourself would also have traumatized you more than the oppression alone#makes you a terrible person who has lost all right to participate bc you misjudged your ability to handle something difficult once#like hey! maybe in fact vulnerable people doing their best to survive in a world hostile to them have every right to not be perfect about it#that's without even getting into stuff like how unhealthy choices can be a form of self harm#let alone that self harm should be considered a right of personhood#this is about addicts (including smokers and alcoholics) and people who lash out when triggered or having health crises#and mentally+physically ill people who do not make 'the right' choices to conform to abled standards (including 'choosing not to recover')#and about people with delusions and psychosis who choose to experience and interact with their symptoms#and people who struggle with disordered/unhealthy eating including subclinically#and people who refuse the 'acceptable' options like therapy/physical therapy - sometimes bc they've been harmed by those things#and people who don't have access to healthier options bc of poverty or food deserts or disability or other systemic injustice#to be clear despite one example being about lashing out at others when in crisis this is NOT saying it's okay to hurt other people#that specific example is an exception in extenuating circumstances (having a bad enough crisis that you are no longer fully in control)#you still have a responsibility to take steps to prevent further harm to others#to hold yourself accountable for the harm you did as soon as able by apologizing and working to do better and repair that harm#even if that means recognizing you may not be able to control the way you act in the future + asking for help putting safeguards into place#such as having a professional trained in mental health crises who can keep both you and others safe during those times#and even if you are not able to do so yourself#finding someone who you trust to help you do so or do so for you#people so often forget that mental illness is a massive spectrum with a huge variety of symptoms and severity of disability#and when people say 'not able' so many people hear 'didn't want to' or 'lazy'#just because bad actors use not able to avoid accountability doesn't mean you have any right to determine someone's capability#you can absolutely remove yourself from the situation#but it's still ableism to flat out deny the severity of someone's disability bc abusive ppl co-opt it#in any case I debated including that example but I refuse to throw people under the bus who make mistakes/do harm when struggling themself#there's a world of difference between unintentional harm especially done by a person in crisis without their needs being met+without support#and stuff like abuse which is a pattern of harm from someone who holds some kind of power over you (whether or not they intend to harm you)#(at least that's the definition of abuse I use. the power is what allows them to force or coerce you into enduring the abuse)
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a lot of my dreams are about city planning and i love it i get to walk around in lovely suburbs that dont exist almost nightly
#it's nearly always suburbs too. usually im on some kind of bus and there's a lot of greenery#i remember one from quite some years ago still which was one of the ones where i was extremely disappointed to find it was a dream because#it blended so well into budapest :-( and i wanted to go there#my post
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cross-posting my ii finale review from twt to here too. guys rambling on twt SUCKS >:( had to break i tup into TEN POSTS ARE YUO FOR RRAL
anyway.
WAITT im in a ranting mood ok. im actually rlly Happy NOT HAPPY uhmmm satisfied but NOT SATISFIED EITHER ughh. im. glad the choice was for mephone 4 to leave. i like that its left open, for the same reason i like why marshmallow leaving in ep 11 was written so definitively. she wanted to get away from the show. and so she Did, completely. she wasnt even in the Comics after that!! she got what she wanted, kind of, sort of. and i feel the same way abt mephone too. he NEEDED to step back from it all, for himself and the people around him, imo. i mean, like he says, he only Made the show to get one up on cobs, and now cobs is gone and mephone needs to figure out who he is Without cobs' influence anymore. i think this is ultimately good for him, the best that couldve happened. and im not upset the contestants aren't sad enough, or whatever. becuz mephones story is Explicitly one abt parental abuse, and like it or not he kind of did the same thing to the contestants that cobs did to him, just in ykno. kind of different ways. they have complicated feelings towards each other and im not surprised most of them didnt react. i doubt most of them knew What to do at all given the situation! i think it was a rlly good choice, narratively speaking. i think it represents the kind of mixed emotions that parental abuse can cause, esp when its in mephones case where it was rlly just a super unfortunate circumstance. ik mephone isnt rlly their parental figure and the crew has stated that he isnt their dad, which i agree with! i like how complex their relationships all are. they feel more real that way? i guess? idk.
sorry this is all becuz i saw a post that read how someone was sad mephone left his support system. but like. the contestants dont rlly Want to be that for him, and not even rlly for each other all the way either, and they dont Have to be. a lot of the cast arent friends and i like that perspective! yeah it sucks that mephone left them, but they all have rlly mixed emotions abt each other, i feel. mephone was in a position of authority that he would occasionally abuse, just out of inexperience and naivete. so the feeling left over is complicated. MUCH LIKE [insert anecdote from my childhood. waves hands nonchalantly to avoid revealing too much abt my personal life].
it resonated with me. i can see a lot of my own relationships reflected in mephone's with the contestants. so YEAH i think the ending was rlly good ^_^ it reminded me a lot of the sturggles i have both as someone with. Not Ideal but also Not Terrible parents. like cobs was inarguably awful, and i think partly mephone thought he couldnt be as bad becuz he wasnt Like That, but it made him underestimate his actions and he ended up overlooking a lot of stuff and hurting his contestants in more emotional ways. Not That I Would Know Anything About That Ha Ha. and now he feels bad. but he doesnt know how to fix it, because you Cant fix it, not without significant personal growth that he seems to recognize Isnt going to happen if he sticks around. so he leaves. for himself, but i think for the contestants also. he doesnt know how to apologize, and i think he feels really guilty too. and the contestants cant say anything becuz Its True and Hes Right, and hoenstly a few of them are probably Happy to see him go too, so they let him leave. idk. its just weird living in that middle space where someone who deeply loves you is also someone whos caused a Lot of your problems. I think part of mephones problem too is that he views them as characters on his show. not like entirely, they're People to him of course, not like how cobs treats his creations. but they also serve a purpose to mephone, to be his friends and entertain him. i do think he genuinely cares about them but i think he also probably has kind of an objectification of them in his mind? uhm. Not That I Would Kno- [gets shot]
tl;dr like. mephone didnt mean to hurt the contestants, but he did because of tragic events beyond his control. but that cant excuse his actions and its a hard situation to fix. tbh there isnt rlly a solution. so him leaving felt profound and understandable. there COULD be a reconciliation, another spin-off series to elaborate and write in a redemption arc. but for now there Isnt. and i dont think there rlly Has to be? i like the bittersweetness. idk. anyway rant over Probably Maybe Idk
#ive uhhh. been having a lot of trouble with my mother & father recently. can you tell?#mephone 4..... god..... how do i even...... oh my god#sorry if this is all over the place. i think maybe im working through something here and it isnt entirely abt mephone 4 after all#its hard. when the people who love you are also. flawed in ways that hurt you. when you know they arent lying about how deeply they care bu#that doesnt erase the damage the years of pain and anger and resentment and struggle and. we're still talking abt mephone 4#right...?#its the cycle of abuse i guess. and mephone realized that and he needed to break it and he only knew one way how. and so he has to leave#its heavy. idk. sorry i thought abt this too much loll#altho tbh the contestants might have an easier time of it than i do cuz mephone is just Some Guy to most of them loll i dont think they rll#think of him as their dad. not Most of them anyway maybe like One or Two.#tbh this whole situation is probably a LOT harder for mephone just becuz of. being the last connection to it all. the contestants can kind#of just move on now imo. but mephone has to bear the weight of what hes done forever#idk#idk. anyway. [sniffs]
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I keep refreshing search results for new info on the CEO shooter and like honestly I don't even know why because I see it as a GOOD thing, actually, that new information is not coming out rapidly. Like idek what I'm hoping for, like they're not gonna give a statement like "Welp, we tried but we're just gonna give up actually!" especially not in the first week!! The fact that it's been over a day and no real new info has released is actually promising, the articles say like '3 hours ago' but they just keep rerunning the same info we've been seeing. May they never find that man.
#like the taxi photos were knew but it didnt really help anything or provide much that they havent already told us#they already said they knew he got in a cab and went to the bus station the photos mean nothing really#it KIND of confirms that maybe the hostel guy is him since you can see his eyebrows but like it still looks like a different dude????#i am kind of interested in the backpack tho like i want to know if there was any other cool info with the monopoly money#i was expecting them to find like a manifesto or some shit lmao#like he almost definitely knew they would find the backpack so i figured there might be something good in there#the monopoly money is good symbology but i feel like that cant be it!#it doesnt seem like they are any closer at all to identifying him tho i think they are lying when they say theyre closing in#they would have released a name by now if they had one lmao
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I am now mature enough to admit what I couldn't when I was younger and more pretentious, and that is that Into You by Ariana Grande is a bop
#being pretentious is exhausting and idk how some people are still stuck on it in their twenties and beyond tbh.#anyways on youtube there's a mashup of that song with numb by linkin park and it works WAY better than it should.#I don't really know many ariana songs beyond what was on the radio on my bus to high school in like 2016 but I liked a couple of them iirc.#Problem is a bop but I mostly know that one because of the Set It Off: Pop Goes Punk cover of it lmao.#it's on my workout playlist.#well. with Ehlers Danlos I think calling it a workout playlist is kind of dramatic. it's my stationary biking and physical therapy playlist#I USEDDDDDD to do lifting and fencing but I've been ✨medically advised to maybe not do that anymore actually✨#anyways. off topic. still a bop
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You know what at this point I feel like maybe I just need to either get institutionalised again or start an internship again because I feel like I am getting nothing.
#sorry after going down a rabbit hole i realised that there are a lot of very vague things wrong with most of my characters#and that perhaps i should make. less vague things wrong with them.#like more specific things#and i understand the theory of a lot of conditions but that doesnt mean anything#thats jackshit#and naturally in my life i have met a lot of people with various conditions bu the sample is still fairly limited#ive met people with OCD; with various anxiety disorders; people with various eating disorder; i live with one ed myself; ive met#people with schizophrenia both treated and untreated; ive met people with bipolar; ive met people with schizoaffective;#ive met people in a state of active psychotic episode; ive met people DID and OSDD; ive met people with PTSD;#ive met people with cluster C PDs and people who have BPD like me and ive met exactly one (1) person with NPD (about whom#docs arent fully sure yet)#but thats all. and its like. cool. ok. no idea about cluster A except for me (STPD) and no idea about the lived realities of the rest of#cluster B and no idea about some forms of depression and no idea about a lot of things. so its like. cool. i sure love not knowing.#its like. ok. do i have to get locked up again to meet new kinds of people or?#the thing is that probably wouldnt help i can tell you right here right now thered be like uuuuuh 50 % ED recovery people;#25 % affective disorders; including like one bipolar person probably; 15 % OCD patients and 10 % of undiagnosed people#sent there for a diagnosis#thats actually literally the average population of a psych ward. been there three times happens every time#i mean im exaggerating but you get me
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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Living my walkable bikable city fantasy past few days 💪🏼🤩‼️🏳️🌈🚲🚍‼️🩻🫀🚶🏻♀️➡️🚶🏻♀️➡️🦵🏼
#my car is out of gas and my card is locked so I can’t pay for gas so I can’t go anywhere#by car at least#my city’s really improved their bus fleet since the last time I rode and it’s free now!#the buses still only come ever 45 minutes which is steep but not insurmountable I guess#took the bus to and from work yesterday and skated out to my stop#(would have missed the bus walking so I had to lug around my skates all day)#(which made me grateful that like 4 years ago I added extra buckles to my back pack exactly for carrying them#(which I’ve done like twice in those 4 years but both times I’ve been damn thankful I’ve had em)#and then had to do some hijinks to get groceries today#was able to do a bopis order thru the stores shitty shitty app and paid with PayPal which does technically work since it doesn’t use my card#balanced a stolen grocery basket (from another chain) between my legs and biked to the store which is blessedly close by#took a sec to get my balance riding out but I made it work and I’m pretty proud of myself#mostly for braving the oppressive heat and humidity both days#as a heat intolerant girlie#it’s good to know that at least in some regard my area is public transitable#but if it was like a drs appointment or any more groceries than I bought or any kind of specialty store#i would have to have a car which. ya know.#not ideal#eaii
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Invited to a cult at lunch to "cleanse myself with good energy" or whatever, i wonder if the woman was out to recruit anyone or if i legit looked that rancid
#tbf being recruited by paper is as well as these things go#way better than being accosted by jehovah witness at the bus stop#still the idea that i might have cult target vibes because i'm an obvious loner is.. unpleasant to put it mildly#i'm already anxious about not 'acting right' in public spaces since i have no clue what's a normal stance/gaze to keep#i thought she was staring because i had been rude and stared first#but it's the kind of incident that lowers my anxiety tbh#truly the only people that might be caring about these harmless behaviors of mine are either straight up to no good#or at least have some fucked up beliefs#anyway of you wanna bless me with the light you could at least be karna#do the whole 'rulers can only rule while people let them' sermon and then we'll talk
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Sadie/Grace + kiss in a dream?
I am so looking forward to answering all your amazing prompts during work today… one down!!!! This was supposed to be sleepy cuddling and then I thought about Sadie making fun of Grace for sleeping in a campaign tee and they just got out of hand 🤷🏼♀️
Sadie feels so lost in Grace’s touch that she’s not sure anymore where her own body ends and Grace’s begins. She stretches toward the taller woman, seeking out kiss after kiss until they’re hardly even separating anymore, just sinking into each other and reveling in the warmth of lips and teeth and shaky breath. Grace presses her against a wall and Sadie can’t quite tell where they are or what surface she’s pinned against, but she doesn’t really care, not with the way Grace is saying her name.
“Sadie.”
Huh. They’re still kissing. Grace hasn’t pulled away enough to speak.
“Sadie.”
Sadie feels her brow creasing, the words pulling her away from the sensations.
“Sadie, if you don’t turn off your alarm right fucking now, I’m going to smash your goddamn phone.”
Slowly, Sadie realizes she’s lying against a soft, warm mattress instead of a rough, solid wall. She yawns. “Damn, I was having such a fun dream…”
Grace emerges from the blankets next to her looking rumpled and grumpy. “Phone.”
Finally, Sadie tunes into the lilting chime emitting from somewhere on the floor between the nightstand and the bed. She fishes her phone up by the charging cord and taps the snooze button. “Sorry.”
“If I’m gonna be the one waking you up, you might as well just wait for my alarm,” Grace harrumphs, rolling so that she flops half on top of Sadie and burying her nose in her neck.
Sadie practically purrs under her weight. “I thought the point of setting my own alarm was to sneak out of here before we actually have to get up.”
“I don’t see you getting up,” Grace points out. Her thumb is tickling Sadie’s hipbone, and Sadie feels the beginnings of the same warmth that had been suffused through her dream.
“Maybe that’s just ‘cause you’re smushing me,” Sadie teases, sliding her hands under Grace’s faded blue t-shirt. “Take this off.”
Grace smirks down at her, her fingers running over her ribcage. “Was Gore too conservative for you?”
“Maybe I just don’t need to make out with you while you’re wearing a shirt from a candidate who ran for president the year I was born,” Sadie fires back. Sure enough, her taunt about her age has Grace pinning her hips, their legs tangling together.
“This shirt is from 2000, you cunt,” she retorts, laughing in Sadie’s ear. The hair on the back of Sadie’s neck raises. “If you wanna see me topless, just say so.”
Sadie smirks. “Now do you see why I set my alarm earlier than yours?”
Grace nods, then yanks the shirt over her head, running a hand through her tousled curls with a self-satisfied grin. “Maybe so. But I’m guessing this is better than your dream.”
It’s a good point, considering Sadie doesn’t remember any clear visuals from the dream. “Okay, maybe.”
Grace traces the line of Sadie’s jaw with two fingers. “We’ve only got about fifteen minutes until my alarm goes off…”
Sadie grins, already riding the high of Grace just touching her. “Better than nothing.”
Grace reaches to peel Sadie’s shirt off this time. “So, tell me about this dream…”
#the girls on the bus#sadie mccarthy#grace gordon greene#otp: I still kind of worship you#answered prompts#dawn tag#just some silly fluff to get me through my shift#julie fics
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went to the beach w kp & 4 other indian friends & 3 of us had NEVER surfed before girl WHEW it’s SO fun literally only 20quid to rent a wetsuit & board & i fucking smashed my toes on the sand so much, but also we 1) got the wrong tickets so we got off 1 stop early 2) went to find a bus & the bus that was supposed to be 15 min turned into an HOUR 3) on our way to find a bus back everyone’s phones are dying or dead bc it took us 3hrs longer to get there, cigarettes are out 4) all of the shops in town are closed & the town seems to have ONLY a tesco extra & 1 off license that sells a PACK FOR 15.65 A PACK WHICH IS FUCKING CRIMINAL ITS CHEAPER TO BUY IT FROM TESCO ARE U INSANE 5) the bus back to the other town kept skipping us bc the bus stop wasn’t the ACTUAL bus stop - i had 1 bowl since literally 11a & we got back at fucking 11p 😭😭😭
#diary#i was honestly abt to strangle EVERYBODY#‘do u have a cigarette’ ‘where’s ur vape’ ‘where are we going’ ‘which bus is it’ ‘do u have a ___’ ‘did u bring ___’ girl what am i DORA w#the magic fuckin BACKPACK ??? while ur UP MY ASS dig around & SEE IF SMTHGS IN THERE 😭😭😭😭#i literally broke sobriety again bc i was just#girl i was so agitated & there was 1 TRAIN LEFT BEFORE 11P so we needed to get the 2ND TO LAST BUS OF THE DAY#i deadass was like ‘if we miss that train i will make sure u all go blind’ ‘did u bring a knife’ ‘I DONT NEED 1’#AKSJAKSKAKKSJSKSSJAKJSKAHSKSHDLASKAKDLA#LIKE U BITCHES SMOKED ALL MY CIGARETTES MY VAPES DEAD MY PHONES DYING UR ALL DRUNK IM GOING TO KILL YALL 😭😭😭😭😭#<- me knowing i could never be a parent#tbh if i caught my kid smoking a cig id make em do the ol ‘im going to sit down in front of u w a fresh box of cigarettes & make u finish#the box or pass out’#YES IM STRICT#i think it’s so funny ok unrelated but like they’ll speak hindi & i’ve just#learned it through being around them kind of like i can’t speak it except for some word u know like matachot etc but i’ll Understand the#Context & what’s being Said#ASLKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLA like while waiting for the train back 1 of them was talking abt me being a fool to the others - literally they’re#all indian & i had walked away so when i walked back he was still talkin but then i started giggling bc i knew he was talkin abt me & how i#pinched a bit of the kebab to throw to the seagull bc he offered it to me & i needed to bait the seagull w something & i pinched & tossed &#& he looked at me like 😦 bhenchod ! & then the seagull came over & i was like :D hi bestie <3333 but then when i started giggling after i#walked back he was like ‘what the fuck does he just know hindi now’#it makes me laugh so fucking HARD 😭😭😭😭😭 LIKE FUCK U I LIKE TO PARTICPATE IN COVERSATION IDC ABT LANGUAGE#like i’ve been surrounded by yall for the past#girl it’s been like a year i don’t even talk to british ppl or americans#ALSKALSKALSKALKSLAKSLALSLA MESS ! i love to slavsquat & kp hates it bc he’s like ‘we’re in the uk why are u sitting like this’ bc he thinks#it’s ’too indian’ ALSKALSKALSKALJSKAKDLA 😭😭😭😭😭 this hips were made for sitting#we’re definitely going to go back bc it’s SO CLOSE IF WE ACTUALLY USE THE TRANSPORT PROPERLY ITS ONLY LIKE AN HOUR OR SO COMMUTE EACH WAY#bring lunch whatever#i’m exhausted but also socially like bro i had to leave the donner place just to walk around the block for SOME QUIET#i’ve just been sososososo busy LOSING MY MIND
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