#but i dont want it to be assumed that im in a QPR or partnership just because I live with a friend

[redysetdare]

Shout out to the non-partnering people out there who want to spend their lives with a friend and live with them without it being a QPR or partnership of any kind.

[prettyboykatsuki]

fang i used to never understand queerplatonic relationships (never judged!! just couldnt quite grasp the concept) until i read over your feelings/situation and i think i finally get it now and i realize i was in some sort of queerplatonic (borderline) situationship back in high school 😭😭 i never knew how to explain the relationship me and this dude had but i think that best describes it 🧍🏻🧍🏻🧍🏻crazy

the reason i always defend queer platonic relationships is because they are Not the same as friendship and i dont think its easy to understand why that is unless you have firsthand experience with the feeling.

(and this ask is not to u anon!!! but to other people in general. im so so glad that the term queerplatonic is helping u define ur emotions towards someone!!! )

like. i get it. i get why people equate these things. i get why people see the notion of deep platonic intimacy and associate with the idea with friendship. i get why the instinctual reaction to an unfamiliar relationship dynamic is seeing it as an annoying gen z semantics thing and choosing to invalidate it

but qprs are so very different from friendship and romance - both semantically and logistically no matter what anyone says. they are probably closer to something in the middle.

i think the reason people want these things to be the same so badly is because society at large is obsessed with defining relationships through hierarchy. and in that hierarchy - romance is always at the top of the totem pole so anything outside of that must be either Serious Platonic Friendship or Familial Love. our social view of love is very binary and rigid and a lot of this is proved in fandom culture itself.

on top of that it is also a matter of access. often, when people hear the term queer platonic they assume immediately that it's another - more inaccessible kind of friendship and that it's intentionally trying to put hierarchy on what is actually just best friendship which is not true. the label was never intended for that. it was coined by aroaces looking for life partnership and commitment most similar to romantic relationships but not.

in the first place, invalidating the harmless labeling of a relationship bc you find it annoying is asshole behavior lmao. but refusing to acknowledge that there are people who experience something that you dont and then overall insisting whatever their lived experience may be is false is insane asshole behavior shskjdfjs.

qprs are their own separate Thing. but they are relationships informed by commitment that is simply not normal in our society for friendship no matter how much people insist on it. the only time that kind of friendships is acceptable is usually between cis women which by definition makes that version of intimate platonic friendship inaccessible to everyone else.

and they are like every other relationship in our society in which the nitty gritty details can only be defined by the people within them. they are platonic committed relationships defined as being Queer in how they exist because the behavior and aspects in them would generally be considered unconventional to other, not queer people. and tbh!!!!! even to queer people sometimes fuck!!!!!

i get really defensive about this because its my lived experience several times over. in fact discussing it now just gave me a huge OHHH SHIT moment about my current situation