#but it's only 8 episodes so it's not much of a commitment

[dramashii]

The day's not over yet.

SERENDIPITY'S EMBRACE (2024) | Ep 2

[iamacolor]

oh, hello there

[arciam]

Underrated JayVik moments/lines (20/∞)

"That research is everything, my - my whole life!"

After grazing this line in multiple entries already, here is finally the dedicated one. I have a few different things to say about it:

1. He is not kidding here.

As I talked about in part 9, my man was literally ready to end it all when he found himself with no one who would support his work - or rather, everything it meant to him. His dreams, his heart.

Whichever way you look at it, Viktor spared Jayce so much more than just a tumble to the pavement; he gave Jayce a reason to keep living.

2. "Our HexTech dream."

...says Jayce, not even one minute later.

So, after considering himself incapable of working with anyone else for who knows how long, he just straight-up commits to making the guy whose name he learnt like an hour ago an equal proprietor of his "whole life"..? Cool, cool. Talk about moving fast.

3. "You've no idea how beautiful it is."

This line - which Jayce said a short while before the scene above takes place - may not seem at all related until you think about what it was that turned the idea of magic and bringing magic to the world into his whole life in the first place.

And yes, it's a great many things: having his life saved, seeing his mother's life saved, the potential to save many more lives. And yet, when explaining to Viktor what this dream (not theory) means to him, he chooses to equally emphasise the beauty of what he saw as a reason for his obsession.

Now, I would consider it low-hanging fruit to say "and because the mage was Viktor all along, this means..!" - if not for the fact that the idea of beauty is referred to by Jayce not only in his first, but also in his last episode:

"There is beauty in imperfections. They made you who you are."

Truly Jayce's (whole) life within the show bookended by the understanding of what beauty means: not an ideal, not the perfect miracle, just one man's indomitable will to live and do good in spite of hardship.

After all: whereas Jayce had always believed it was the desire to "give magic to the world" that was his whole life... ultimately what he wants more than anything is just his - beautiful in every way - partner back.

Part 1/2/3/4/5/6/7/7½/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20

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[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 9 part 2

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])

I'm glad nicky came up with a cool new tune because according to period movies and shows greensleeves is the only song anyone ever knew

look at that meek little smile, ughhhh. nicky is like two days old and this asshole has already figured out he's the perfect prop for her murder sprees. and these poor women are calling her sister and are willing to help too.

the spell is te accipimus in circulum, we accept you in the circle, and yes that makes me cry a little. we accept you in our community. and the spell is yellow air magic, which sounds like the most empathic kind if Lilia is any indication.

that's interesting, you can't really tell that well from screencaps but go rewatch the scene, this witch is making mushrooms grow with yellow magic instead of green?? is it just a spell (she is holding a book) or have I been getting it all wrong and color has nothing to do with the type of magic one has?

or maybe??? the color depends on the coven you're in?? the salemites all had blue magic for example. and now that I think about it the stone circle is a protection spell but it's not red/orange.

the meaning of this scene is so glaring dear lord. agatha was never going to give these women a chance to prove that yes, there are people out there who could love and help and accept her. she has shut herself up to that possibility a long time ago.

and she stole the soup too. awful.

I've seen all the different theories about nicky needing to feed on witches too, or nicky needing soul sacrifices to survive because he's the son of death etc. we don't have enough evidence to prove anything yet, but personally I headcanon nicky as a totally normal kid, that makes this story even more tragic.

and aww that baby suckling on the little pudgy fist

nicky doesn't look that happy about what he's been asked to do, does he?

we establish that nicky was sickly (maybe he was born with some internal defect that rio temporarily patched up?) we also see him steal the bell agatha will use for her Road scam in the future.

and we meet yet another witch being kind and wanting to help.

agatha: I love this six year old so much I'm gonna make him accessory to murder

dO yOU ShaME YouR MOtHER

and the big fake gasp too. as usual this bitch has conned a whole community

like, she's convinced herself that other witches are bad and are after her WHILE relying on witches's good hearts to con and kill them. what sort of mental gymnastics???

color goes from yellow to purple. nicky waits outside while his mom commits murder, it's not a good look on agatha. completely fucked up, actually.

(I'm terrified that the goat will end up being an agent of mephisto or something idiotic like that, lemme tell you. I hope they're just keeping it for milk and company.)

and here's the million dollar question. nicky has seen his mom kill literally since he was born, and now he's old enough to start realizing what that means.

oooh I know that look, that's agatha when she's put on the spot. she avoids his gaze, she can't be sincere with him.

and of course she's teaching herself spells from a book. nerrrrrrd

nicky, bless his soul, appears to give it a good thought and then offers a practical suggestion. I guess he wouldn't mind to have a roof on his head and some friends too.

GREAT acting from kathryn here. the quick OH SHIT face followed by the super final NO, with her jaw so rigid. in typical agatha fashion, when she's upset she becomes avoidant.

this is evanora's legacy. despite agatha's immense love for nicky, she is passing all that pain down and inflicting it on him.

remember when she called billy a survivor? this is the greatest asset in her opinion, the one she wants to teach her son. the truth is, she is angry at witches because she is scared of them, she's scared of being targeted again. but look at that kid's dark circles, I can't believe she's making him sleep in the woods, sick as he is!

really really fantastic subtlety. agatha wants to sound wise and strong, but she looks scared, uncertain, guilty.

see how nicky looks at agatha while he sings? he's checking to see if she's noticing, because his mom likes music and likes his voice. he's afraid he has upset her and wants to make her smile. he tried to reason with her, and now he tries to soothe her. this is what happens when you have an immature parent, a child will want to help, they will try to fix things. they'll end up parenting their parent, and it should always be the other way round.

agatha takes the bait. she's relieved that the conversation has moved to a safer subject. but oh, this script is so good. this is a mostly innocent, mostly sweet remark, but with a possessive undertone. don't forget that you are mine, she says.

and still, the love is real. even in a fucked up situation like this, these moment of happiness are precious and genuine and will linger on. look at how adoringly nicky looks at his mom, she's literally the sun and center of his small world, and that's how agatha likes it: she created nicky because she needed someone who could be hers without any baggage or consequences. but it turns out that raising a child is not a cheat code for love, it's one of the most difficult, most significant and impactful decisions a human can make.

go to episode 9 part 3

[dreadfuldevotee]

I'd like to discuss the elephant in the room. Why did we get zero Loumand sex scenes? We got hints and implications, but season 1 was pretty explicit. Do we think that that's a creative choice or something else is happening?

I'm glad I ended up ruminating on this for about a week because episode 7 & 8 really solidified my opinion on it.

I do wanna start by saying that it's very clear to me that there was supposed to be more explicit scenes between them. There has been some thoughts tossed around that censorship happened with the 9 pm timeslot (as opposed to the 10 pm timeslot of S1). I believed this hearing Assad and Jacob talk about the BDSM dynamic between Louis and Armand, but what really sold me on this was Production Designer Mara LePere-Schloop talking about the bedroom set and more specifically about their beautifully carved custom headboard. (If you're a production nerd like me or just want to know more about the design philosophy of IWTV I recommend giving the entire thing a listen!).

I think there are several reasons I think as to why they decided to leave any more explicit scenes on the cutting room floor but above them all is: you cannot separate Armand's sexuality from his abuse. I am really against pulling a "well if you read the books" card but reading just the first couple chapters of "The Vampire Armand" makes me understand so much about not only Armand as a character, but the care being taken to his adaptation. It's clear to me that alongside Rolin & Co.'s commitment to not watering him down to a one-dimensional villain they are also trying to not fall into Anne Rice's tendency to romanticize his trauma.

Sex and sexuality is not the same pillar of Louis and Armand's relationship it was in Louis and Lestat's and so I don't believe their story suffers from the lack of on-screen sex. But I also firmly believe that maybe we don't need to be slutting out the character who we literally just watched talk about how he doesn't remember his life before being sex trafficked. And even when he was "freed" he was still being repeatedly assaulted at the hands of, and under the eye Marius de Romanus. Like it is extremely important to remember that Armand's craving for dominion in his relationships is a manifestation of trauma that deserves the same level of care and depth given to every other trauma portrayed in this show.

I think people have gotten too comfortable calling IWTV a romance when it has always been Gothic Horror. Romance and sex are pivotal to the story but I have found the demands for sex scenes this season a bit absurd and also? unfounded? Loustat share more kisses on screen but there are two sex scenes and both are very plot relevant. I truly figured we were all in agreement that the eroticism of this show is found in the various displays of power, and the dynamics it creates and not the actual clapping of ass-cheeks...which also wasn't happening in S1 either. S2 does not suffer because of the lack of sex-scenes, but the likelihood if it suffering trying to make one work is

[haru-dipthong]

Fansub Release + Translation Notes on Utena Ep 16

I’ve been dreading this episode since the beginning of this project. Most translations of the cowbell episode have two major problems that I knew were going to be really hard to overcome in my translation.

How on earth does Nanami not know that a COWbell is something that a COW wears?

Why does Nanami keep saying moo in regular conversation?

When I actually got into the translation though, it was so much more difficult than I had even anticipated! Not only were there two very large episode-spanning translation problems to solve, but there were also TONS of difficult individual lines. And on top of it all, a song to translate!

I was not happy at all with my first draft. I sent it to @dontbe-lasanya and went to bed. When I woke up and saw their edit, it was like magic. They had transformed my extremely rough script into a work of art! I’m so so happy with this episode now, and the majority of the credit for that has to go to Anya.

So anyway, how did we fix those two big problems?

How on earth does Nanami not know that a COWbell is something that a COW wears?

Obviously the Japanese word for cow is not “cow”. It’s 牛 (ushi). However, the Japanese word for cowbell is カウベル (kauberu) — it’s a loanword; it’s just “cowbell” turned into katakana. There’s no obvious connection between the words for “cowbell” and “cow” in Japanese, unlike English. Also, カウベル is not a very familiar word for most Japanese kids and teens (the target audience of Utena) and sounds foreign and therefore fancy (given the right context). On the other hand “cowbell” is a very familiar word in English, or even if it isn’t, “cow” and “bell” are. It also doesn’t sound fancy or foreign.

In Japanese, Nanami falls into some cringeworthy teenage social pitfalls in this episode. 1. The classic japanese kid thing of assuming katakana loanwords are cool or fancy. 2. The universal kid thing of pretending to know a word she doesn’t know to seem smart/cool. These things are like, a HUGE part of the conceit of the episode. IMO, it’s crucially important to get these ideas across in the translation. To fail to do so (i.e. by translating カウベル as “cowbell”) would be akin to cutting out the first 8 minutes of the episode.

Translators will often translate katakana loanwords directly back into the original word, but that clearly doesn’t work here. Anya decided to go with almglocken as the translation for カウベル because Miki is the first person to give the cowbell its name, and almglocken doubles as the orchestral term for a musical cowbell (plus the yodelling in the cutaway scenes really sells the German choice, which we only discovered after we had committed to it!). I love how that scene feels where Miki names the bell - it really feels like he and Juri call it an “almglocken” and Nanami just goes along with it, not wanting to admit that she doesn’t know what almglocken means. She totally reads as a stupid kid who wants to be a part of European high fashion without actually knowing anything, which is exactly how she reads in the original Japanese script!

Why does Nanami keep saying moo in regular conversation?

First things first — the sound a cow makes in Japanese is not “moo”. It’s モー (mō/mou) which is prounounced almost exactly like the English word “more” in non-rhotic accents like my Australian accent. In an American accent it probably sounds like “mall” without the ending L sound.

So, cows say “mou”. But もう (mou) is also a dictionary word in Japanese. It can mean “already” as in “I already did that”, but it can also be used as an interjection (similar, but not exactly the same, to how “already” can also be used as an interjection as in “enough already!”). もう (mou) carries other nuances with it as well — there is a cultural image that teenage mean-girl types (like gyaru) tend to use it a lot. I like translating it as “ugh”, which I did several times in this episode.

The writers are getting a lot out of the cow metaphor in this episode. There’s the whole thing with Touga selling Nanami away as a metaphor for his manipulation of her (and women in general) in order for him to gain patriarchal power (he even eats her meat!!). But there’s also this equating of cow mooing with the word もう which is associated with young girls. Whenever Nanami moos this episode, even right up until the end when she physically transforms into a cow, you could translate it as “ugh” if you didn’t want to preserve the cow sound meaning. Every moo fits into her sentences as a bitchy interjection.

This is a hard thing to get across in translation, so I used a combined approach. Sometimes I directly translated もう as “ugh”, which morphed into “mm-ugh” and then “muuoo”. Other times I compensated by using words with “ooo” sounds in them and drawing out the sound (like “moOOove”.

Dona, dona, dona, donaaaa

As I mentioned in my post yesterday, while translating the song, I made particular pains to match the meter of the Japanese lyrics with the English lyrics.

あるはれた　ひるさがり　いちば　へつづくみち

One day on a clear lazy afternoon, on the road to the marketplace

A literal translation of the line would be something like this

One clear afternoon, on the road to the market

But I’m sure you can see how this doesn’t have nearly enough syllables, much less stress on the correct syllables. Because Japanese has less consecutive consonants, it tends to have words with more syllables, but shorter syllables than English. They don’t have words like “cramp” where 4 consonant sounds exist in one syllable — usually there’s only 1 consonant per syllable. This means that if we’re matching beat-for-beat, English can fit more words in per bar, which means when translating literally, we end up with lyrics that are too short! That’s why I’ve added “One day on a” and “lazy” and extended “market” to “marketplace”. This came up constantly during the translation of the song, where I was consistently needing to create words that didn’t exist in the original to keep the meter similar.

A few little notes to finish

This scene where the girls in PE class are chanting ファイト！(faito) while they run is hilarious to me because both other translations I have access to translated it as “Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!” which is just… not what they’re saying. Obviously in English chanting “fight!” makes it sound like you’re encouraging two people to physically fight. In Japanese, ファイト is a loanword and does come from the English word “fight”, but it only means “fight” in the sense of like, metaphorically fighting: overcoming mental barriers, pushing through, doing your best. They’re just chanting to get their motivation up. I translated it as “Move those feet! Move those feet!” so that when Nanami brings up the rear I could switch it to “MoOOove those feet!”

Translating it as “Fight! Fight!” is just completely unacceptable no matter what your translation goals are tbh. If you care about “preserving aspects of Japanese culture” in the translation, you should translate it as “Faito! Faito!” or “Fighto! Fighto!”.

I want to note that I’m so happy with how the characters talk about fashion. They really sound like they know what they’re talking about (thanks to Anya). So much of the time translations sound like they were written by someone who doesn’t have any knowledge about the field the characters are talking about, which makes the dialogue sound super forced even when the characters ARE supposed to know what they’re talking about. To give another example, Anya flagged this before with how Touga talks about Miki’s piano playing. The standards are so low for this kind of thing that my limited knowledge of music helped me write a translation that sounded knowledgeable enough to be worth commenting on!

Also, I’m REALLY glad we went with “dyke” as the translation for 男女 (otoko-onna) a few episodes ago. Nanami uses that word again this episode and Utena’s reaction really works with the slur.

Thank you so much again to @dontbe-lasanya. This episode wouldn’t have been possible without you!

Be sure to follow the blog to stay updated with new episode releases! See below for all episodes released so far.

[raidark]

One thing I find funny from Show Dany haters is how much they call her an egomaniac tyrant who just wanted to control everything and everyone to obey her, that she only cared about the throne and power. How much they laugh at the idea of her trying to help common people, break the system and in general, give power to powerless people, etc. That she would only want power for herself and would loathe democracy more than any other character.

These people are also the ones who laughed along Season 8 Sansa, Tyrion, Arya and others when Sam proposed democracy as a system for Westeros at the end of the show.

To all that people, I'd like to kindly remind that before leaving for Westeros, Daenerys established democracy in Meereen (and the rest of the Bay of Dragons, I suppose). She and Tyrion spent some undetermined time to plan it and then left Daario and the Second Sons to keep the peace while people chose their rulers and a new government was appointed.

Now, while I'm sure we all would have liked to know the aftermatch of that, how things worked there after her leaving and especially after her death, we won't ever know thanks to certain writers who kinda forgot about it after S6, only remembering the Bay when deciding that slaying slavers was apparently a sign of madness and evilness ?¿

If you ask me, with Dany dead, most of her army destroyed as well, and no one else strong enough to protect the Bay, slavery will return and way worse. But that wasn't something D&D wanted people to think about because that would add some grey to the situation and they wanted Dany to be irremediably unjustifiable in her acts and her death the only option with only good consequences. Just to be clear, I think S8 Dany, a total different character from previous seasons, deserved to die after what she did. But go and visit the Bay in ten years, Jon and Tyrion, and ask them if what you two did was good. Surely and certaintly there were consequences.

In any case, since we'll never know what would happen, the series ends with Daenerys being the only ruler who actually cared for her people enough that she actually gave them total power to choose who should rule them... just 12 episodes before the writers decided she should mass murder innocents for literally no reason at all

She remains the only one who established real democracy that considered people no matter their origins or status (and not merely in a organization like the Night Watch) while the high nobles of Westeros laughed and considered the idea ridiculous. What a tyrant, right?

I'd have liked Sam to know the one who actually established his idea in a different place was the queen he hated so much, while all the others laughed. I'd have also liked if he was told what his family did and how many people died because of their betrayal, how many chances were even then offered to them, rather than just "they didn't bend the knee so i killed them lol". But the goal in Season 8 was always to paint Dany as a villain with no gray in the middle, just like they made Jon lie to his family and the lords and say Dany forced him to bend the knee in order to help the North when she actually swore to defend it without any commitment to her cause the moment she realized the threat was real and no fantasy. Yet no one, not even Dany, ever blinked an eye about this. Like it was retconned to frame her as evil.

[idrellegames]

Hello all,

This is a general announcement post to cover a few changes, as well as a public build patch.

This patch addresses some lingering issues and bugs in Episodes 1 & 2. This is not a content update.

✦ Playthrough Restarts

Because of changes and fixes, if your save file is from June 24, 2023 or earlier, you should load a save file from the beginning of the Lethalis meeting in Episode 2 or restart from the beginning of the game. If you do not, you may encounter continuity, UI issues, or other errors. None of these are game-breaking. 

If you keep Wayfarer running in a tab, please either refresh your browser or close the tab and open the game in a new one. This is the only way to ensure the patch takes effect.

Full patch notes can be read here.

✦ A Statement on AI

NO AI TRAINING. Using Wayfarer, its images, or any of its written work to train generative artificial intelligence (AI) technologies to generate text is expressly prohibited. Creating chatbots based on the game’s text is not allowed. 

✦ A Statement on the Alpha Build

Wayfarer’s public build is free to play. It will not be updated until the alpha build’s Episode 4 is complete. Half of Episode 3 is available to play on my Patreon (available for the Recruit tier and above). Currently, the alpha build is a couple months behind the planned trajectory announced in the 2024 roadmap. Progress will be reassessed in July and updates made. 

The last alpha build update was on May 28, 2024. 

✦ Updates to the Game’s Structure

Since 2021 Wayfarer has been conceptualized as 3 acts and 15 episodes. While that story structure is still at its roots, it’s very apparent now that this is far too much story to be contained to a single game. So, I am breaking it into a trilogy.   

I have had this idea for a while, but I have held off on doing anything about it because of technical issues. Because of the way the story builds on itself, I need to ensure that continuity (including details like the player character’s inventory and locations they have visited) is preserved across all three game. However, even with some technical things to still test and figure out, I am at a point where I would like to move forward with the new structuring.  

WAYFARER 1

Prologue

Act 1: Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3

Act 2: Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6,

Act 3: Episode 7

Epilogue

WAYFARER 2

Prologue

Act 1: Episode 8, Episode 9

Act 2: Episode 10

Act 3: Episode 11

Epilogue

WAYFARER 3

Prologue

Act 1: Episode 12

Act 2: Episode 13, Episode 14

Act 3: Episode 15

Epilogue

The structure is still very much the same as it was prior (what is now a single “game” in the new structure was an “act” in the old one). The change has been updated and reflected in the Story Log, which now only goes up to Episode 7. 

With this change, I will be looking into getting new cover art that is more specific to the first game’s events. All titles are TBA. 

If you’ve enjoyed Wayfarer and would like to support my work, please consider supporting me on Patreon. Patrons receive access to the alpha build, a private Discord server, exclusive previews, bonus content, side stories, and other benefits.

Wayfarer is a passion project and creating it is a full-time commitment. Any little bit goes a long way to help me bring it to fruition.

If you aren’t in a position to support financially, reblogs, shares, ratings and comments, and spreading the word about the game are much appreciated and do a lot to help me out! 💕

[genericpuff]

ten storylines u think could have been amazing in lo if they had been handled better?

10 already feels like so much for a story like LO buuttt:

1.) the act of wrath plotline, seriously this one felt like it had some of the most lost potential as one of LO's more unique plotlines (and it lost that potential as soon as it was turned into some "oopsy" committed by persephone due to her wrath being a 'gift' from eris when she was a baby??? still bugs me so much ugh) give me back that dichotomy of Persephone and her internalized wrath, dangit.

2.) the Eros and Psyche plotline. it started off so promising as a parallel B-plot to H x P and then seemed to just get dropped halfway through S1 when Psyche got turned into a nymph.

3.) Echo's involvement as a double agent for Zeus. that was clearly the intention when she was introduced but then she was promptly dropped and only showed up again to say "fuck you Zeus" with zero build-up or implication that she had a change of heart. Like imagine if we actually saw her leaking info back to Zeus but then also getting closer to Hera on a personal level and realizing that she didn't want to keep snitching on her. it would have also made the 'big reveal' of Hera kissing Echo a lot more impactful because then they would have had an actual story arc.

4.) Persephone's character development into becoming the Dread Queen. Right now the story wants us to think that Persephone is somehow "better than ever" despite the fact that her version of the "Dread Queen" is being an absolute Karen. But think of how it could have been if her character de-evolution was the point, to show how Hades had corrupted her. Or if they were meant to be actual shitty people and not shitty people that the narrative was trying to convince us were good.

5.) Hades' and Minthe's relationship. It goes without saying that Minthe was wrong to turn to physical violence, but I'll die on the hill that Minthe wasn't being treated fairly by Hades, either. Those three flashback episodes in S2 leading up to Minthe getting turned into a plant were such a missed opportunity to showcase how Minthe became as bitter as she did towards Hades and what their relationship was actually like in the beginning (and why they liked each other in the first place which they very clearly did) but instead it just dragged its heels because obv Rachel didn't want people empathizing with Minthe.

6.) Ares being used as a tool for war by Zeus. It's clear being sent off to these wars is taking its toll on him and it's created a steep divide within the family, especially concerning how protective Ares is of Hera esp when it comes to how Zeus treats her.

7.) The Aphrodite / Hephaestus plotline. Good god I have no idea what the thought process was behind this one, some of the myths she kinda got away with flipping but this was the one that made the least sense to flip. There was so much potential there that was squandered, a lot of it at the expense of Aphrodite and Ares as traditionally powerful and respected gods.

8.) Hades' alcoholism. Minthe was right, simply falling for Persephone and dropping the cigars and brandy to make himself look better for her doesn't make him a changed person. If the alcoholism was linked to his trauma, why didn't we explore that more? Why couldn't we have seen him actually pursue proper recovery and have it not just be "I'm hot for the 19 year old girl but if I'm drinking constantly that'll make me look bad so I'm just gonna put on the best fake persona I can to make her fall in love with me" instead of actually getting to the root of his issues?

9.) The SA plotline. As much as I talk about how shitty it is, I have zero issue with the original depiction of it, I think it was very accurate especially when it comes to coercion. A lot of people assume SA has to be violent, kicking and screaming, begging for help, but coercive assault is often a lot quieter and more about manipulation which that scene nailed in depicting. It's just everything after that that feels completely misfired and more so for the purpose of making Hades look like a better person simply by comparing him to Apollo on the basis of "he never assaulted Persephone!" and it drives me nuts.

10.) Demeter's winter. In the most recent FP episode, while discussing it with pals, all I could really say was, "This was supposed to be a retelling of the Abduction of Persephone". And Demeter's winter is a core part of that story, one of its biggest purposes in Greek culture was using the myths to explain the creation of the seasons. Despite this being a "retelling" of the Abduction of Persephone / Hymn to Demeter, one of the most important characters in the entire myth has been reduced to, at worst, a Mother Gothel Disney villain, and at best, a pointless NPC.

[fiona-fififi]

1000% agree with all of your tags on that ask!!! literally everything you said. like first off i hate this tendency for people to completely decontextualize people's actions from their existing relationship that has been built up for the last 8 years. and ALSO that buck literally DOES call eddie for help with one of his problems in this episode (showing us he has absolutely NO problem relying on eddie even now!) and lastly that providing support to eddie IS helping buck!!! my biggest pet peeve is when people act like buck doesn't LOVE helping his friends and doing things for them....like how can you not see it literally makes him happy. to be relied upon and to make their lives easier. everything from giving eddie parenting advice to throwing chim's bachelor party (as misguided as that was...) to doing hen's yardwork. he is THRILLED when he gets to help!

Sorry for the delay on this—it got stuck in my drafts.

But yes to all of this! I tend to be especially sensitive to the complaints about their relationship being one sided because people so often misrepresent (or misunderstand) the reality of their relationship and pretend like relationships are built on one-to-one transactions, and that any perceived imbalance is a slight to one of the characters. But that ignores the fact that people love (and should!) to help the people they love. Spending time with Eddie and with Christopher and providing advice and help when Eddie and Chris are in need is not a burden on Buck. In fact, it is the very thing Buck worked hard to push through with Abby, because back then he was viewing that imbalance as a burden, but after working through that with Bobby in the "step in with her" conversation—and then committing to that—he learned that being a part of a relationship is about providing the support the other needs when they need it and understanding that not as a burden, but as an act of love. And that is how he perceives it now that he understands the way that kind of love deepens a relationship. That was an integral part of Buck's growth. To pretend that it is somehow awful, terrible, abusive for the people he loves to lean on him for support is contrary to Buck's entire character growth, and pretending like it's anything different is to misunderstand the most integral part of Buck's character.

Buck loves his family. He does everything in his power to show that love by offering the support they need at any given moment (and Eddie also absolutely does this for Buck, as well, which people love to overlook). And Eddie and Christopher are a part of that family, and, I would argue, at the top of the list.

But even moreso—and I know I said this in those tags, but it bears repeating—being there for Eddie is what Buck needs.

Buck has been so afraid of losing Eddie, in so many ways, and over so many years, that the fact that Eddie—even with so much distance between them needs Buck and wants Buck is exactly what Buck needs from Eddie. This is Eddie keeping his promise that distance doesn't take them away from each other. That there will be no losing touch because one of them can't be at the 118 or even in L.A. They are family and they love one another and they lean on one another when they need support. And right now, the support Buck needs is for Eddie to demonstrate exactly that and to keep that promise, just like Eddie is doing.

Buck needs to know that distance doesn't mean abandonment, even when it always has before. I mean, his parents basically never thought twice about him upon his departure. Maddie, even though it was for very valid reasons both times, lost touch after sending him away with the Jeep and, to a certain extent when she fled to Boston. None of his old friends seem have kept in touch. Abby ghosted him. It's just been string after string of distance meaning loss for him.

So for Eddie to not only be the one to declare that that will never happen to them way back in 3x15 and then to keep that promise when it's not just leaving the 118, but also moving 800 miles away?

That means something big. Eddie leaning on Buck from a distance, allowing Buck to be part of the resolution with Christopher not just because he deserves to be, but because Eddie needs him to be?

Eddie is giving Buck everything he needs here. While Buck is giving Eddie everything he needs, too. Their needs are a perfect match, and they both know how to give the other precisely what they need. There is nothing that's not beautiful about the way they love and support one another.

People pretending there's something unbalanced in the way they love one another are watching with their eyes closed.

[leclercss]

Tainted Love, Part 9 (Charles Leclerc ft Lewis Hamilton)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

Masterlist

plot: in an attempt to fix your marriage, you've reluctantly agreed into being in an open relationship with your husband. so far, it's only been your husband that has taken advantage of your recent arrangement until one night out you meet a man who makes you begin to question your marriage.

pairings: charles leclerc x fem!reader, lewis hamilton x fem!reader

warnings: (+18) mentions of smut, cheating and some swearing

authors note: i decided to split the last part into two, you’re welcome xx

word count: 4.3k

taglist: @ironmaiden1313, @ru-kru, @buendiabebeta, @flwr-quicksilver, @ravioli19, @julesandro, @hornedravenclaws, @thatobsessedreader @pinkangelavenue, @queenofshinigamis, @notleclerc, @paullinne, @bisexualbith, @tempo-rary-fix, @bbygrlllllll, @teenagedreams-cl, @lunamelona, @leclerc16s, @palomaxaxaxa

You find yourself standing outside of the apartment that you share with Lewis. It's funny that in just a matter of a week, it's gone from being your home to a place that you've come to dread. How can you call this place home when the people who live there feel like strangers to one other?

It's been a funny couple of days for you. You've somewhat started to rebuild a bridge with Charles after he came to see you at Whitney's. And while you've felt some relief that he still wants be with you, you've found yourself experiencing a whole new level of anxiety when it comes to his ultimatum.

It was him or it was Lewis. He couldn't be with you any other way any more.

You'd spoken to Whitney about it afterwards. You needed to make a decision but you didn't know where to begin. Whitney took inspiration from a Friends episode where Chandler made Ross write a pros and cons list about Rachel and Julie, only for it to backfire on Ross. He eventually got to be with Rachel but who was your Rachel?

Depsite your original sceptism, you'd written everything down any way, with Whitney chiming in with mostly negatives about Lewis. Her feelings are very clear, you'd thought to yourself in amusement. And by the end of the exercise, you couldn't even decide if it had helped you or hindered you.

As you lay awake that night, you thought about the both of them and at one point you just had to laugh. While Whitney had you focusing on all of the reasons why they were so different, you ended up thinking about the reasons why they were the same.

Apart from the obvious that they were both beautiful and the sexual chemistry was through the roof, you'd fallen for them in the same way. You'd met them both on nights out in London, they'd made the first move. Both were very confident in their pursuit of you. They made you feel wanted and they made you feel beautiful and sexy when you met them. You'd slept with both of them on the first night and you were hooked in an instant. They were both stubborn and felt easily threatened, acting like animals in the wild when another man came sniffing within a metre of you. And they were both bold and risk-taking. They weren’t afraid to go after what they wanted, the consequences were irrelevant, or at the very most an after thought.

But then your mind drifted back to the differences again. Lewis only seemed to be invested in you to make himself feel better while Charles was willing to do anything to make you feel better. And Lewis was the one willing to jeopardise your relationship with infidelity and open marriages, which had made Charles hate him so much. But then Charles, well, he pursued you despite knowing you were married and was okay with you to commit infidelity with him, which in turn made Lewis hate Charles...

You couldn't let you drive yourself crazy any more and so you decided that Charles was right, you needed to make some sort of decision. And so you had texted Lewis to say that you'd be calling by that afternoon. You needed to pick up new clothes and you wanted to spend time with Roscoe. Your text being met with a thumbs up emoji.

And this is how you found yourself outside your apartment door, no closer to a decision. You say a quick prayer before finally pushing open the apartment door and within seconds you were greeted by paws racing across the wooden floor. Roscoe is jumping up and down at your feet, desperate for your attention. He'd missed you just as much as you'd missed him.

You delayed entering the rest of the apartment, buying yourself some more time as you cuddled and played with Roscoe. But at some stage you had to rip the band aid off and a wave of deja vu hits you as you walk into the living room to find Lewis sprawled out on the sofa, remembering the last time you'd come home after some time apart.

"Feels familiar doesn't it?" Lewis chuckles as he looks up from his phone.

He's read your mind. He remembers that day so well too. And the more he thinks about that day, the more he wishes he could go back and deal with things differently.

But it's too late now. It's almost four months later and the two of you are now further apart than ever. But this time he's not as angry.

You awkwardly smile as you enter the living room, taking a seat on the armchair across from him, just like last time. The atmosphere is different though, it’s less tense but there’s an air of sadness that makes your stomach sink.

You play with the bottom of your skirt for a few moments, trying to figure out what to say and to his credit, Lewis lets you do this.

You eventually break your silence, "After the last time, I never imagined we'd end up here. I thought after that argument that you were done. You had a good reason to leave but you didn’t".

You pause for a moment, but you continue. It was about time you finally said something. You'd been quiet for far too long.

"And things changed after that. It's like you finally saw me again. You were finally willing to give me what I was looking for, which was for you to love me and to come back to me. And you did, but by that time I'd met Charles who was ready to give me everything I needed. No arrangements, no rules and no conditions”.

You take a deep breath and look over at Lewis, he's looking at you but you can't read the emotion in his eyes. He's quiet, he's going to let you say what you need to say.

"You've made me happy these last few months, Lewis. It's like how things used to be, just like I always wanted. But the more I think about it, the more I can't help but feel that you only made the effort with me was because you felt threatened that another guy was willing to do the job that you were incapable of doing".

His jaw twitches at that last comment. You feel like you may have pushed it a little too far but he holds his composure. He finally sits up on the sofa, it's his time to talk now.

"I know I've made some mistakes when it comes to our marriage. I've been foolish and I've been selfish but I'm willing to put in the work to fix us," there's intent in his voice, it's matching the look in his eyes.

"And I'm willing to put last weekend aside and we can start fresh," he carries on but you're intrigued by his comment.

"What do you mean by that?"

Lewis’ face scrunches, he didn't expect you to challenge him on that statement. He was actually waiting for some sort of apology but he’d put that aside for now.

"I'm willing to put seeing him behind us. I can forget about that stupid dinner and I can forget about your fling because I think what we have is worth so much more," the level of his voice is getting a little louder now. The composure that he had a few moments ago is quickly leaving his body. He's not used to you challenging his words and he's finding it more difficult to stay calm. He should be the one that's mad at you in his eyes.

"Charles isn't just some fling, Lewis. He means something to me," you cry out.

"That's bullshit," Lewis retorts.

"It's not bullshit, Lewis. Charles and I, we care about each other," your voice is getting louder and squeakier the more this conversation continues.

Lewis laughs for a moment, he’s sure that this has to be a joke.

"Fine, you know what, let's say you care about the guy you've been sleeping with. But is he really worth jeopardising our entire relationship for? It's not like you love him or anything," Lewis cries out and he stops as he notices something flicker in your eyes. He recognises that look. It's the same look that you and Charles had when you saw each other at dinner. It's guilt.

A wave of nausea washes over Lewis as reality begins to settle in. The situation was so much worse than he thought, had he really been that delusional to think that you and Charles were just a minor thing? An annoying fly that’s buzzing around your ear until you kill it with a rolled-up newspaper.

No, because the look the look on your face tells Lewis what he had been ignoring for so long, Charles is here to stay.

"You... you love him?" his voice is barely audible but you don't miss it.

The naivety in his voice stuns you and you're left speechless. Tears begin to fill in your eyes and you're unable to answer him. But your silence and the tears in your eyes is enough of a confirmation to Lewis as he needs.

You feel a sense of guilt as you see Lewis begin to process this and he begins shaking his head furiously, “No, no, you don't love him".

He stands up from the sofa and begins pacing the living room floor. He's trying to keep himself calm but he has so much anger running through his body right now. How could you love somebody else when you loved him?

"Lewis," you begin but you don't know what to say. And so you just watch Lewis run through the motions. He's angry, then he's confused, then he's sad. He's clawing at the braids on his head to try and find some release but he's overwhelmed. He's going through the five stages of grief except he's not willing to accept the reality that you could meet somebody else. And that maybe his actions have finally come back to bite him in the ass.

"Lewis, can you please sit down?" you cry out. The more he paces around the room like a mad man, the more unpredictable he's becoming.

"You don't love him, you don't love him," he's muttering to himself. If he says it enough times surely it'll become the truth.

"Lewis, please".

But your plea goes ignored. He's still pacing around the room. It's stupid of you to even try but you can't watch him like this any more and so you get out of your seat and walk over to him. You grab onto his wrists in an attempt to stop him pulling at his hair.

"Lewis, can you just stop?" you cry out.

And to your amazement, he does stop. The grip he has on his hair loosens but he's still looking at the ground.

"Can you look at me for a moment?" you whisper, hoping that if you speak quietly that it'll bring down the tension in the room. Lewis hesitates for a moment, but he eventually lifts his head so you're looking into one another's eyes. Your heart sinks at the look that he's giving you. It's a combination of hatred and sadness.

Once you're sure he won't fly off the handle, you let go of his wrists and your hands make their way to his face. Your hands taking form around his cheeks, your touch is gentle.

"I... I ... I'm so sorry, Lewis. But Charles and I, there’s something there," you whisper.

He licks his lips, composing himself once more before he speaks, "Stop staying his name. I don’t want to hear his name any more in our home". You wince at the tone in his voice.

You let out a little sigh, not really sure what to say next. Even ChatGPT couldn't find an answer or script for this.

"So what, do you two have a little plan to run off together or something?" Lewis spits, his eyes searching yours for an answer.

"There's no plan, Lewis, there was never any plan. It just happened," you tell him.

He scoffs. "I should have punched him in the face when I had the chance".

You try not to roll your eyes, "That wouldn't have achieved must would it?"

Lewis chuckles sarcastically. "It would have made me feel better though".

Silence falls on the room. You’re both breathing heavily, trying to figure out what direction this will go in next. Lewis is doing his best to control his emotions but his body fails him as a tear spills over, softly rolling down his cheek. You use your thumb to wipe his tear away.

“I want to hate you,” Lewis says a few moments later, “But I’m tired, [Y/N]. I want to be mad that you could love someone else who isn’t me but to know that I pushed you away… I don’t know how to deal with that”.

This is the most real Lewis has been in so long. This is the Lewis that you loved and somewhere along the way you lost him. But he here’s with you now, and he’s looking at you with so much regret and sadness.

“Do you still love me?”

It was the same question that you had asked Charles.

“What? Lewis, of course I still love you. Through everything I’ve always loved you,” you reply. His face is still in your hands. And so he places hands on top of yours, his skin is so warm and soft that you let yourself breath a little more.

“Let me fix this, okay? I want to prove to you that we deserve another chance,” he says with determination in his voice.

“I… Okay…” you begin to stutter. Your mind is still foggy when it comes to make a decision but Lewis isn’t going down without a fight.

“We said in sickness and health, for better and for worse. You’re still wearing the ring that I gave you and until you take that thing off, I’m not giving up,” he tells you. He doesn’t wait for a response as he lungs towards you and his mouth makes contact with the corner of your mouth.

You’re taken aback by his sudden movements and stumble backwards but he’s quick and wraps his arms around your waist. He makes a better attempt at kissing you again and this time his lips meet yours.

“Lewis,” you mumble against his lips in protest.

He takes his lips from yours but he doesn’t pull away. Instead he moves his lips along your jaw, nipping and sucking on your skin before he makes his way towards the skin under your ear. He leaves a lick in your sensitive spot before moving upwards, his warm breath against your ear.

“Let me prove it to you, baby,” he whispers.

But it doesn’t feel right. You’d only be leading him on and you’re no closer to being able to make a rational decision on your future. Letting him “prove it to you” will only make things worse.

“Lewis, stop,” you cry and use your hands to shove his chest to create some distance between the two of you. “I can’t do this, Lewis. Not like this”.

He’s looking at you, dumbfounded, lips plump from his attempts to leave his mark on you.

“This isn’t how we fix us okay,” you tell him. “I.. I thought we were ready to have this conversation but clearly we still have a lot to process”.

You attempt to walk past him towards the door but he grabs onto your wrist, stopping you in your tracks.

“Wh… what do you mean? Baby, you can’t leave”.

You turn to look at him and let out a little sigh. “I think we need more time, Lew. We need some space. I’m going to go home for a few days.”

-

Charles is questioning his entire sanity as he makes his way to the entrance of the coffee shop. He still has time to turn around and run from this ridiculous situation. It’s just asking for trouble coming here. But his body is clearly more curious than his mind as his feet are still moving in the direction of the entrance.

Hesitating slightly, he opens the door and his eyes immediately scan the coffee shop for a familiar face. And he spots it, in the very back corner. The face looks as tense as he feels. A pair of dark eyes land on Charles and they’re already attempting to burn through him.

Making his way over, Charles doesn’t say anything as takes the empty seat, aware of the eyes that are very much meant to intimidate him.

He clears his throat as he looks up. He takes in the appearance of the person opposite him. They’ve made an effort in their appearance - hair tied back neatly, wearing crisp white clothing in an attempt of looking fresh and innocent and the smell of aftershave is hovering around the table. But he doesn’t miss the bags underneath their eyes, they match his own. The turmoil and emotions of the last couple of weeks have taken their tole on both of them.

And then he notices the shining mental on their finger that makes his stomach turn, a wedding ring. A taunting reminder of your situation.

They’re still looking at each other, jaws twitching. Curious as to who will make the first move. It’s Lewis.

“Thanks for accepting the invite and coming,” his tone is far from sincere.

Charles nods in response.

Lewis attempts not to roll his eyes at the lack of engagement from Charles.

“I thought since [Y/N] is spending some time back in Belgium with her family, it would be helpful for us two to talk,” he continues, his dark eyes still fixated on Charles.

“Yeah, she mentioned a few days ago that it’d been a while since she’d been home,” it’s a lie from Charles. He wants to get under Lewis’ skin after his behaviour at your birthday dinner. It’s petty, but it’s amusing to watch Lewis try to remain in control of his emotions. The thought of you spending time with Charles post-birthday disaster must be driving Lewis insane.

“Well, I think it’s good for her to spend time with her mother. No distractions”.

Charles scoffs.

“And what do you mean by that? No distractions.”

He’s mocking Lewis, this is all bullshit.

Lewis’ jaw twitches but he remains calm. Charles’ presence caused him to embarrass himself the last time, he won’t let him do it again.

“Well, I think that our marriage will be much better off without needless interferences. People getting in the way of us working on our marriage”.

Charles really has to hold back his laughter. Was this guy for real?

“I think it’s a bit rich coming from you,” Charles retorts, “weren’t you the one fucking other people before suggesting to your wife that you have an open marriage?”

He’s enjoying seeing Lewis’ jaw twitch, his knuckles turning white as he clenches his fists.

“Either you don’t give a fuck or you’re incredibly stupid that you underestimated [Y/N]’s worth when it comes to interest in other men,” Charles continues, “and maybe you overestimated your own. Because she found someone that’s ready to love her and here you are, sitting in a cafe, with your wife in another country. And you’ve had to ask me here so you can tell me to stop fucking her”.

Lewis’ eyelids begin to flutter as he uses every ounce of control in his body to stop himself from lunging over the table and punching Charles. The arrogant smirk on Charles’ face is only growing. He can’t let him win, he won’t let him win.

“You think you’re funny, don’t you?” Lewis snarls. “You’re just her side piece, remember that. When you lay awake at night thinking about her, she’s in bed with me���.

But his words go over Charles’ head, he smells the vulnerability from Lewis, he’s practically reeking of it. This is his revenge on Lewis for emasculating him in front of you and his friends.

“It was pretty easy to get [Y/N] to cheat on you. It didn’t take her much convincing,” Charles laughs.

He’s fighting dirty and he knows it. But Lewis has dug himself this grave, Charles is just finishing off the last of it.

Lewis runs his hands through his hair. He can’t sit still may longer. If he can’t punch Charles in the face, he needs to find something else to occupy them with.

He sits in silence for a few moments. Trying to find any last dig that he can throw at Charles. He’s desperate and so he finds the one thing that may hurt Charles.

“Before she left for Belgium, [Y/N] came by the flat to speak to me. We talked and she’s very much still in love with me,” Lewis pauses as he begins to play with his wedding band. He waits until Charles’ eyes fall on the mental wrapped around his finger. A subtle dig before the big blow, “She’s still wearing her wedding ring, you now. And she wore it while she let me fuck her”.

It’s Charles’ turn to hold his composure as he tries not to let Lewis’ confession affect him. He doesn’t know if he believes Lewis or not. But the smug expression on your husband’s face is enough for Charles to even entertain the idea.

Silence takes over as they both try to figure out their next move.

Surprisingly, They both take a few moments to let their anger die down. This conversation is too heated and it’s only going to make things worse. And neither of them wants to give the other an opportunity to win.

Whatever outcome either of them expected from this meeting, this wasn’t the right way to go about it. Not if they wanted to lose you. And so Charles stands up from his chair, no longer wanting to be a part of this game.

He starts to walk away but he turns back. He’s got one more thing to say.

“And while you lay there at night, with your wife in your arms. Remember that she’s lying there, thinking about how she loves me. And all because you pushed her away”.

[secriden]

Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, I'm so grateful for the journey Fadel is forced to take in episode 9. In previous meta posts, I shared my thoughts on how the show chose to tackle previous discussions about 'love': for eg Episode 4 was really a promise of safety (which tragically becomes unfounded) and Episode 5 was really an exploration of trust and trust betrayed -- but I think Episode 9 is finally when we are dealing with love in a head-on collision between Style's unflinching commitment to stay by Fadel's side and Fadel's anger and fear of loving; a conflict which utterly demolished the last of Fadel's crumbling walls.

Because, while Episode 8 did give us this beautifully tender moment of shared camaraderie -- one where they were both filled with wonder at witnessing the way love can overcome hurt and anger, the way forgiveness can make a pathway to happiness; and a moment they were both aware of and wordlessly acknowledged to each other -- it was, unfortunately, also almost immediately tainted by this:

You can see the resignation and cynicism in the way Fadel is holding himself. This wasn't a betrayal from Style, but it was a harsh reminder for Fadel that love can be deceptive and harmful no matter the guise. Even when it (love) isn't aimed at him, he winds up betrayed (deceived) and in danger, and literally hurting (it's the first time Fadel overtly shows how much pain his broken arm is causing him), and it makes sense why we see Fadel harden once again after this point.

And as frustrating as it was for us to watch, I'm also glad that the show made room for Fadel's retreat behind the last of his walls. Because at the core of Fadel's fear is the experience he’s had that love, and more importantly loving, has always brought him pain: the traumatic and sudden loss of his parents and the cruelty of a lover who (maybe? I have my suspicions...) chose not to stay with him were both lessons Fadel has deeply rooted in his heart; a fear which his desire and now love for Style is constantly at war with.

Which is why we see Fadel so firmly choosing resistance at this point. Everything about his demeanour and the harshness of his words depicts a cornered animal with his hackles raised in self-defence. You can almost see the bared teeth behind his words. He doubles down on the assurance that he will see this decision through, that Style is destined for death by his hands. It's interesting because in Episode 9, Fadel seems to have mostly given up on denying that he has any feelings for Style whenever it's brought up (partly because Style has already made it clear he doesn't believe Fadel when he does), but has instead decided to claim that those feelings aren't strong enough to save Style from Fadel's decision to kill him.

So I kind of love that the narrative immediately forces Fadel face the reality of his claims. For what better retribution could there be than Style dying by becoming tangled up in the very thing he was supposed to put Fadel in jail for? What could be more fitting then to see Style destroyed by the very aspect of Fadel's life that caused Style's betrayal?

And even more, I love that the writers chose to have Style become injured like this. Because of course the boyfriend of a hitman who is on the run from the law was going to be shot -- the trope practically demands it -- but it is just deliciously dramatic that Style gets injured precisely dressed in the clothes he'd picked out so he could "at least die in something that's actually my style" and in the place Fadel said Style would haunt only minutes prior. It forces Fadel to face not only the thought of losing Style, but puts front and centre what it means for Fadel to be the cause of that loss.

Because the thing is, Style only needs to be bait at all because Fadel forgot to bring the extra bullets for his gun; because he does not have a plan when Style asks what they should do. I love that all of Fadel's training, and even his fastidious and careful nature, is being fundamentally compromised because his mind has been too preoccupied with his complicated feelings for Style. Fadel is being forced to face the consequences of choosing to fight against his heart about Style, and that directly puts both their lives in peril. And all Fadel can do is look at Style with a wordless plea to stay safe, even as he watches Style run directly towards danger.

And I love that Style's immediate instinct is to throw himself into the situation to help. There's no hesitation, no momentary pause where Style considers running away and leaving Fadel to handle the gunman alone. Style fully embodies the promise he made to stay by Fadel's side and moreover it shows that, on an instinctive level, Style trusts his life in Fadel's hands (even though we get verbal confirmation later in the episode that Style actually was only about 50% sure that Fadel wasn't actually going to kill him in the end!! That's! Fucking incredible!?!).

Which is also why I think Fadel's anger redirects itself once they get to the island. He's at the end of his rope, a mess of emotions, arm probably still aching and then he sees Kant: the source of not only the very real threat of Fadel and Bison being caught by the police, but also the reason why Style became entangled with Fadel in the first place. Fadel cannot help but lash out at him despite it making no sense to deny Style an additional pair of helping hands and, moreover, the comfort of a true friend that he trusts and who cares about him. Fadel is not thinking clearly, but it's also a sign that the choices he is making are still fuelled more by his anger and hurt then his love.

And again, this makes a certain amount of sense. For Fadel, anger is a familiar friend; something almost comforting, that gives him a sense of control, because he understands what to do with his anger. He understands how to direct his rage in ways that are productive and help to keep the things he cares about safe.

Until, that is, Style puts his life on the line next to Kant's and suddenly the gun in his hand becomes a danger to someone he has already been forced to acknowledge (in the conversation with Bison) that he cannot kill. I adore Style so much for immediately bringing this point up, because it means that Fadel has to actually consider why he didn't just let Style die. If Style had bled out and died from the wound, it wouldn't have technically been Fadel's fault; Style was simply caught in the crossfire. It was, in some ways, a relatively guilt-free way of getting rid of Style. But everything in Fadel rebelled at the thought of letting Style die and Fadel is once again forced to confront why he held Style's hand so tightly in both of his own, why he told Bison to be gentle and careful with Style, why hearing Style yell in pain was agony to Fadel too.

And this beautiful moment of friendship also gives both us, the audience, and Fadel this incredible understanding of Style's loyalty. To Style, the thought of dying next to Kant is not something he resents, but something that merely makes him wistful. And for Fadel, this puts into perspective what it meant for Style to promise to stay by his side; the full weight of Style's devotion is laid out for him to witness, and it's enough to shake Fadel lose from the hold his anger has on him.

But even then, even now, there's still something holding Fadel back and I think it boils down to the fact that Fadel has gone down this path with someone else before, and found only betrayal at the end of the road. He has loved and thought he was loved in return; he was ready to give up his job (his security, his sense of control, his “family”) for someone who he thought he could hide his darkness from and live in happiness whilst keeping the lie between them. It's so interesting to me that Fadel was about to do the exact same thing to Style (try to get out of the hitman life without ever telling Style about it), without knowing that the possibility of it was never on the table for him.

Because Style is the very antithesis of Fadel's ex: not only does Style find out his secret well before love truly blossomed between them, Style has no fear in him (anymore) of it. This gesture is legitimately insane, but it also illustrates how thoroughly Style embraces this aspect of Fadel's past and character. Fadel has just learned a very tangible lesson about Style's loyalty to the people he cares about, so this gesture carries the weight of knowing this matters to Style, despite the carefree manner of his expression. Style gives Fadel the security of knowing that he is making his commitment to Fadel whilst also giving Fadel permission to stay the way he is. Style's love isn't for what Fadel could someday become, but for who he already is, and that encompasses a level of acceptance that is as crazy as one would expect from a person who is in love with a hitman.

And it's just so great that they actually addressed the whole "dated me for a car" thing, because Style is right. Fadel is grasping at the last embers of his anger but all of it is directed at a Style who doesn't even exist anymore. I don't even think Style was avoiding telling Fadel about this; it just genuinely was a non-issue to Style because getting to know Fadel changed so much about Style's motivations (he said as much as early as episode three), that this wasn't even a factor that Style was aware needed to be addressed. But I also appreciate why Fadel insisted on coming back to this -- because I've said before that I think the biggest part of Fadel's hurt and betrayal comes from the thought that Style's interest in him was a lie, so this was important for Fadel to vocalise, especially because it took a certain amount of vulnerability to even admit that this bothered him that much. So as silly as I personally found this plot point to be, I'm glad the show actually decided to have our boys talk explicitly about it.

But my absolutely favourite part is that the final hurdle, the thing that ultimately makes Fadel completely let go of his anger and resentment is Style threatening to drown himself (or at least make his wound become infected). Partly because it was the exact kind of hilariously overdramatic gesture that feels fitting for Style, but mostly because this gesture opens the door for Fadel to finally (literally) take steps towards Style. Fadel's previous actions in this episode -- making sure Style was stitched up after he was shot and letting Kant live after he threatened to kill him --- were both incredibly significant, but largely leaves the relationship between them at a stalemate because for the most part Fadel is reacting to the circumstances whilst still maintaining the emotional distance between them. But what Style wants, ultimately, is not just to survive this very lethal roadtrip but to actually bring about a mending of their relationship and for Fadel show that it's what he wants too.

And I've seen some call this manipulative, but I think Style actually does understand Fadel well enough to be accurate in this claim. I've mentioned before that Style seems to have an almost instinctive understanding of when to push Fadel and when to back off (in this meta post on ep 5), and I think we're finally seeing a moment when Style could tell Fadel needed a little nudge. And the reality is that Style wasn't in any real danger, but it shows us just how much of Fadel's walls have been dismantled that Fadel's concern for Style overwrote his logic and reason.

And I just find it so lovely how it cumulates in Fadel kissing Style because it's an expression of his own desire. If Fadel had kissed Style at any point between the confrontation by the empty pool and before this moment, I think it would have, at least somewhat, felt like Fadel was giving into Style's demands (for his attention, for his affection, for his forgiveness). But this moment is different because it's Fadel giving into himself -- because Fadel doesn't truly want to hold on to his anger anymore.

And this journey was so important, so necessary because it's the reason why Fadel is able to be so completely transformed by the end of episode 9. We see him become almost carefree in his affection, everything about it is open and honest and loud in a way Fadel has never been able to be before this point, and it was only possible -- only realistic from a narrative standpoint -- because the show took the time and made space in the story for Fadel to have to face the truth of his love for Style over and over again.

Because this vulnerability, this clear comfort he feels around Style, this ability to rest in Style's arms, was only possible because Fadel was forced to grapple with the full depth of his love for Style and found forgiveness and happiness and peace in letting go of the last of his fear of being in love — and in doing so, proved the truth of Styles words in episode 4: “It’s okay to (be in) love”.

[bengiyo]

Ben’s Big BL Blurb 6: End of the J-BL Run

Well, it’s over friends. We now enter a period where we don’t expect to see any Japanese BL for at least a month, and I will have little BL to watch as a result. Let’s unpack how our last two shows kinda sucked, cross our fingers for the remaining shows, and lament even more shows I’ve dropped.

When It Rains It Pours Let Me Down

I’ve been thinking about how to write about how much I disliked the final episode of this show for over a week, and all I can say at this point is that the show felt like it couldn’t pick a lane between book canon and its own ideas. In episode 6, I loved the breakup scene between Kaori and Hagiwara. We’ve had hetero couples break up in shows like Ossan’s Love (2018) and Me, My Husband, and My Husband’s Boyfriend (2023) as a mutual thing, and I really loved Kaori owning her role in the failure of their relationship. I really hope she unpacks her revulsion to male bodies, but I really loved that she appreicated that Hagiwara never spoke ill of her. 

The show didn’t extend similar grace to Fujisawa, who it couldn’t decide if he was a sympathetic aromantic-asexual, devoted friend and roommate or an abusive boyfriend withholding sex and keeping Sei from interacting with other people in his life. Moreover, the continued preciousness around not showing the emotional movements during sex itself led to audience uncertainty about whether he raped Sei or not. After reuniting with Sei, we learn that Fujisawa has been guilty about his presumed role in the death of Sei’s parents, and it’s why he can never have sex with Sei or be properly happy with him. I was completely unmoved by this, and though it was an extremely lame way to end a show about people cheating and finding something that seems meaningful with someone new. 

Final Verdict: 6, Too Muddled to Recommend. I can’t pretend that this is a fully coherent show. There are things I really enjoyed in this, especially the final conversation with Kaori, and Hagiwara’s pouty mouth. When this show began, I had high hopes that it would stand alongside something like Mood Indigo in dealing with complicated feelings within relationships that can’t work. However, the choice to not commit to sex in a show about two guys who really wanted it, and putting emotional development behind the fade to black sex it didn’t want to show, deeply undercut the final half of this show. Moreover, I just do not appreciate what they failed to accomplish with the Fujisawa character. It’s gonna be a chop from me.

Call Me By No Name Was Pretty But Also Failed

This particular show feels so incomplete, despite having some really compelling set design. I can’t believe this show thought a perspective shift in the final episode to tell us things we already knew was the way to finish this story. We never understood Megumi’s savior complex, or why she was so obsessed with Kotoha. More importantly, I do not feel like this show accomplished a useful comparison between the way people diminish the sincerity of lesbian relationships by placing them alongside woman-on-woman sexual assaults. 

Final Verdict: 4, Not Recommended. I don’t think I like anything I think this show was trying to say, and I found the romance of this completely uncompelling. I don’t think the sexual assault in this story is worth any sort of useful takeaway. I was mostly bored or offended by this show. A dubious place to be. 

Gelboys Used A POV Shift Well (3/7)

I was so relieved this week when we got a break from Fou4Mod’s primary POV. Chian’s energy is less frenetic, and it was useful to see how he is experiencing much of what Fou4Mod is with Bua. Still, I can’t get over all of these boys turning each other into fuckbois, and I was not expecting to relive the high stakes tension of the MySpace Top 8 friends era with the IG close friends stories. I find myself feeling only mild sympathy for Chian getting ignored by Bua whenever he shows off his thirst when he hurt Fou4Mod the way he did. He should know how Fou4Mod feels, so it feels especially shitty. This is still the most beautifully shot show I’m watching, and I find myself genuinely compelled by the use of naturalism in this show. I’m excited about hopefully getting a Baabin POV this week. 

The Boy Next World Was Actually Sci-Fi After All! (8/10)

I’m quite surprised that the alternate universe schtick was actually real, but I’m having fun with the reveal. I love the idea that Cir is a man forever cursed to get his ass in gear and start a romance with Phu by seeing another version of his life around Phu. Having the stalker Cir finally make things real with Phu because he saw a universe in which he went for it in high school, only to have him later show that world to a Cir who never even noticed him, was compelling. I’m still trying to figure out why the other Cir was so pissy with him, except that he was maybe jealous that someone else touched Phu. I’m curious to see where we go, since everyone else thins Cir hit and quit on Phu, but Phu seemed to take the loss of his Cir in stride. We’ve gotta unpack the big lie, so that means we have at least one “we love each other for real now” sex scene left. MAME often does her best at that point. 

Fragrance of the First Flower is Back! (4/12)

I’m so glad we’re getting this after Fragrance You Inherit (2024), because I needed some compelling lesbian angst. Fragrance of the First Flower is back for a second season, and the drama remains compelling. Yi Min has divorced her husband, and they’re trying to make coparenting with separate habitation work. Ting Ting is trying to make things work with her band. The two have reconnected and are dating again (and now living together!!), but there are no easy answers. I love that this show is exploring the difficulties of coming after after heterosexual marriage that produced a child with special needs. The problems are not simple, and the handling so far has been really enjoyable. I’m seated. 

Impression of Youth is Unbearable (8/9, DNF)

I cannot finish this show. This show isn’t taking any of its relationships seriously, and I am so annoyed by everything happening. I already struggle with student-teacher stories, and this one has done nothing worth reporting on. It’s dropped.

Ossan’s Love Thailand Can Kick Rocks (8/12, DNF)

I cannot finish this show. I was already pissed in episode 7 when they sent Kongdech to a Catholic shrine to help him get over his gay thoughts, and literally had Heng take on the role of the devil. Now, in episode 8, they had Kongdech get possessed by a ghost that would only move on if it got to forcibly kiss an employee? No thanks. I cannot separate my feelings about Kurosawa, and that man would NEVER force himself on one of his subordinates. Moreover, while I generally don’t mind when the East uses Western religions as mythological tools in their stories, Catholicism is way too tied up in my own internalized homophobia for me to accept Kongdech going that route for peace in this story. On top of that, they keep using key scenes from the original while altering the context, so things stop making sense. I’m deeply unimpressed and will not be finishing this. 

Are We On a Break?

A check of World of BL says that a good amount of stuff is airing, but damn do I not feel compelled to watch most of it right now. I’ll check in at the end of Gelboys, and hopefully something else fun has picked up in the next month. 

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 4 part 6

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])

(I can't believe I squeezed six entries out of this dang episode!!!)

agatha sees billy waking up and takes her usual moment to wipe all genuine emotion from her face and put on her mask. it's getting increasingly clear that this wretch of a woman is always wearing a mask and playing the larger-than-life uncaring witch she wishes she could be

not that she cares about you or anything.

billy does that thing children do. he doesn't say thank you or ask why she's crying, he asks about himself, his current troubles and fears, looking for guidance. that's the wonderful thing about a parent, they give a child a safe environment to grow and make mistakes and explore. A parent is, or should be, selfless. That billy feels safe doing this with agatha tells you he instinctively trusts her much more than he realizes.

agatha never lies to billy

and the way she's always drawn to teaching and explaining and guiding despite herself. deep, deep down agatha is a nurturing person who only ever got to nurture for a short time

I just realize agatha cannot actually say the name billy, can she? because of the sigil. so this is her going, I know it's still you kiddo, behind all that. I see some people arguing that agatha might actually think he's Nicky at first and personally I don't believe that's the case, the dialogue is muddy only to mislead the viewers before the big Wiccan reveal.

Two reasons agatha knew this was billy all along: she's had three centuries to sit with nicky's loss now. nicky is gone for good, no matter all her tricks and her pleading and her endless pit of sorrow, that is the one irrevocable fact that she will never be able to change. that is the cornerstone, the whole core of who agatha is today. she has lost nicky, she has committed unspeakable horrors to cope with that loss. she is afraid to die because nicky is on the other side and she cannot face him.

The second reason is that agatha loves billy for being billy, not just as a nicky stand-in. she was uniquely equipped to understand and empathize with wanda, and that's even truer for billy because he's a little boy and agatha's whole heart is wired and predisposed to reach out to him. she saw the miracle that was his birth, she saw first hand what chaos magic can do. this is a child flung out in the world carrying an immense power and no instructions on how to use it. he's capable of terrible things that could easily turn him into a monster and a pariah, and agatha is, besides wanda, the only person in the world who truly understands what that means. do you remember what happened to agatha at around the age billy is now? everything in her is demanding to guide and help. selfishly, because all that power would be hers to control. selfishly because he reminds her of herself and she wants to undo what her mother did to her. and selfishly because helping billy would in a way redeem what she did to nicky.

and also, selflessly. because she wants to help him grow and be successful and be happy.

billy created the Road to find tommy, sure. but what he's been doing on the Road is finding community. or rather, getting close to witchfolk to find out who he is in relationship to them, exploring the identity he was born with that he cannot express with his adoptive parents. he started with a lot of silly ideas on what witches should and shouldn't be and created trials that are, let's face it, rather stereotyped and demeaning. next trial is agatha and he is puzzling her out now, willing her to become the ideal witch and mentor he's looking for. he's doing it with the grace of an elephant in a china store, but that's just what being a kid is.

aaand the wall is all the way up and she runs away. but we made some progress there, didn't we?

oh to be a vampire and getting to bite patti lupone's neck

rio looks so engrossed and fascinated listening to lilia! rio just loves people, you know? she loves life in all its multifaceted forms, and that's not at odds with her job description at all. she is The Green Witch, she has embraced nature, which is to say life, so completely that all of it is important and precious to her. my headcanon is that as the original green witch she started ferrying souls because she deeply understood and accepted death as natural and organic and sought to help it along. it's funny, lilia is terrified of her but if asked, rio would have such a long list of things that make lilia special.

and that such a being would fell in love with agatha of all people?? god that is amazing. that is how you write a beautifully doomed epic love story. billions and billions of humans throughout history, and agatha is who caught her eye. and not because agatha is a serial killer mind you, that's just foreplay. it's because she is the most intense, the most interesting human Death ever came across. while others saw a damaged girl, rio saw poetry in her extraordinary complexity

and then, through agatha and nicky, rio experienced grief from a new point of view. Death, no longer impartial.

a wiser future Lilia pays another brief visit

and she's gone. her puzzled little face!

from being awkward and fearing her oddities to laughing with her about it. another step toward a deeper understanding, and acceptance, and love.

look at agatha's body language when she approaches. uncertain, arms crossed. these people have seen her without her mask now, openly weeping about billy

and then she puts her hands in her pockets and postures, ready to underplay things. pppft, crying? moi? you guys must have dreamed it.

alice with her big compassionate heart will never be able to think of agatha as cruel and distant again

agatha picks up rio's flower

rio looks at her

pretends she wasn't looking when agatha looks back

you could cut the damn tension with a knife

jen trying to include agatha??? man they did really see her cying fr

look how interested lilia is! I wish shows could just be 15 hours of women hanging out and chatting, no plot, just vibes

agatha glances at rio as if saying, you know exactly which scar this is. and rio chuckles because she remembers the story. THE INTIMACY BETWEEN THESE TWO. I'm going feral again.

what is this, camaraderie? community? perhaps even, dare I say it, friendship???

agatha doesn't know what to do with herself!

behold the textbook definition of 'awkward turtle'

oh rio's DETERMINED

'no you don't' 'yes I do' STOP IT YOU STUPID GAYS

agatha all casual like honey I've seen every inch of that body

just... the way they fell into a rhythm. the doMESTICITY.

lol jen's and alice's gaydars pinging at the same time. like somETHING FRUITY IS AFOOT. AND WE WOULD KNOW.

and fuck fuck fuck fuck I cannot believe I've run out of space again and I need to do a part 7

LOOK WHAT THESE LESBIANS ARE DOING TO ME (it'll be up in like an hour guys don't worry)

go to episode 4 part 7

[ilikekidsshows]

I know it's old news but it just dawned on me what it means that Miraculous is planned to be 14 seasons.

It means we aren't even halfway through the show. It took them over 10 years to finish the first arc of 5 seasons, at this rate the show will be going for 25+ years before it's finally done.

It means Lila will be the Butterfly for 9 seasons, almost doubling Gabriel's time as Hawkmoth.

It means that Astruc having replied to people complaining since season 4 that Alya's is written more to be Marinette's actual partner than Cat Noir with "i know you don't like it. Get over it, I won't write it differently" is now gonna amount to 11 seasons of Alyanette being the real partnership in the writers eyes, absolutely dwarfing Ladynoir's original 3 seasons in every way bc the show has never actually stopped developing Alyanette further and further as the real partnership. Just think of Illustrhater and Revelator...

It means that the Marinette most people fell in love with will also only have existed for the first 3 seasons out of 14. This is all Marinette is going to be from now on for 9 more seasons (including this one since it just started). We are already exhausted the third season into the retooling, but it literally just STARTED. I doubt there will be anything left of the Miraculous story we were once promised by the time season 14 starts.

I wouldn't even be surprised if Marinettes lies will only be revealed to the world at the end of season 8 or 9 (if at all) because of how much they wanna stretch out this show's plot. At that point we still would have 5 or 6 seasons left....

Sorry for being a downer, but holy shit, 14 fucking seasons... I was 15 in 2015 when the show started and will probably be close to 40 when it ends. Thats insane. I'm neurodivergent and always hyperfixate on ONE piece of media in particularly as my "comfort media" (and cant really shake it off til its done) and back then it happened to have been what I thought to be an innocent family cartoon with alot of charm and potential that I thought would run for 5 seasons or so.

If I'd known that it would turn out to be a moral disaster and life commitment, I would have never checked it out cause I can't imagine doing this for another 9 fucking seasons. I know hyperfixating like that isn't exactly healthy anyway, but there sure as hell were less painful ways to force neurodivergent people out of that habit. People shouldn't wanna ESCAPE your show ffs

---

Yeah, like, I was also dreading nine more seasons of this garbage, but that thing you said about how little the original show is gonna amount in the whole if the 14 seasons idea comes to pass just really put it into perspective what that means in practise to the fandom. If we really do get 14 seasons of Miraculous, that means the original series people actually got invested in and the memory of which is making them wait for things to get better is going to amount to about one fifth of the whole. That's like, if She-Ra started sucking before its first season had even finished, with only a few episodes here and there where the characters weren't boring or infuriating after that.

Yeah, like, 14 seasons, where in 3 Cat Noir is the actual superhero partner, where season 4 is his displacement from that role and season 5 is his replacement. Unless the writers backpedal, which they never do, Alya is gonna be the partner for three times the time Adrien was. What the fuck is he still doing in the title? It's false advertising to trick less observant people into expecting him to show up and, to keep up the pretense, he does show up, only for Alya’s screen time to dwarf his and she doesn't even get to show up as a superhero to maintain the illusion that she somehow isn't more important than Cat Noir. Because “Ladybug and Alya Césaire” isn't as marketable.

But, like, people were calling this show Miraculous Ladybug a few years ago. The time they were phasing Cat Noir out would have been the perfect time to just brand to that entirely. But I guess that's why they did it so slowly it took them two seasons to fully phase him out, they don't actually want to rebrand since they want to keep the viewership the promise of Cat Noir brings.

Thank goodness only a couple of kids I’ve encountered at work have been into Miraculous and the last time I heard a kid talk about it was over two years ago. I’m gonna make damn sure I steer kids and families away from this garbage whenever I can and recommend them some actually good, wholesome and entertaining kids’ shows. Kids will probably still want the bedsheets because Ladybug looks like Spider-Man even without knowing about the show, but at least I can introduce them to actually quality children’s entertainment like Isadora Moon that actually teaches many of the same lessons Miraculous utterly fails at.

[drakaripykiros130ac]

One thing I have always admired about the Blacks is how they are a tight family unit, compared to the greens.

The Blacks did not even start out as a one whole family. Rhaenyra and Daemon both had different spouses, children from different marriages. And after Rhaenyra and Daemon finally married, the Blacks all became one in the true sense of the word family. They always have each other’s backs.

The greens, on the other hand, always seemed to me as a necessary alliance, but never a true family. For Alicent and Otto, the green kids and grandkids were nothing more than their political chess pieces.

Even when Daemon thought that “a son for a son” would hurt the greens just as much as they hurt Rhaenyra, it didn’t really have that effect. The only one who truly suffered was Helaena. The others, especially Alicent and Otto, saw this as a direct attack on their faction, and as a result they needed to strike back. But they didn’t truly give a damn that the little boy was gone from their lives. They lost an important chess piece. That’s about it.

There are a lot of things which make the greens seem as an alliance rather than a family. Such as the fact that Aemond secretly seeks to take the throne from his brother. He doesn’t actually do it, but it is constantly implied how much worthier he deems to be compared to Aegon (both in the book and the show). And he didn’t hesitate to take charge and wear the Conqueror’s crown while Aegon was incapacitated.

Next, there is Daeron, who barely even knows his so-called family, given how much time he spent in Oldtown. He is a Hightower pawn with a dragon, and used as such throughout the whole Dance.

As for Helaena, while she doesn’t have issues in the book, she is still treated as the least important green. Nobody truly cares about her suffering. Alicent put the crown on her head and called her “Queen” yet she constantly undermined her position, and acted as if she was still the Queen. And after Helaena does commit suicide, there is barely any mourning. Alicent plots to have her son married to Cassandra Baratheon and produce male heirs, just to avoid having Rhaenyra’s son end up on the throne.

Finally, we have Ser Crispin Cole. He likes to think that he is part of the “green family” but he really isn’t. He is the family guard dog. They are basically using him. Using his hatred for Rhaenyra for their own gain.

The Blacks have such great family vibes, that it’s a shame they didn’t focus on it in the show. The show writers were really lazy in the writing of the family dynamic for Team Black. They spent so many happy years on Dragonstone before the war started. We barely got a glimpse of that.

Don’t even get me started on how they didn’t show even a bit of Daemyra’s married life. Episodes 8-10 were straight up business. It would have been nice to show how happy the Blacks were away from the Court drama and the greens’ bullying.