#but it's inspired by Crime Scene Cleaner

[justhauntley]

I haven't posted in a while, I've been busy and stuff-

Here's a lot of OC art that I'm really proud of :)

Names are under the cut, if you're interested~

It's been a bit since I did a full drawing, I've mainly been starting and ditching sketches lately. I haven't been posting OC art because it seems like it's not as popular as fanart, which is kinda true?

Unfortunately, I rarely do fanart, so I plan to start posting OC art more often because I want to post more regularly and because I'd like to start sharing the story of Exorcise The Gods, if people are interested :)

Also If you're interested, in order of appearance, left to right, names areee-

Tommy (dnd)

Makoto "Mako" Haj (dnd)

Snowdrift (The Sanctuary of Frost Fang Isle - OC Story)

Jokull (dnd and The Sanctuary of Frost Fang Isle)

Sage and Wildfire (The Sanctuary of Frost Fang Isle)

Em and V (Exorcise The Gods - OC Story that literally consumes all my waking thoughts)

[firefly-party]

"You clean up nicely, Stevie"

cw: mentioned blood and gore | mafia/mob AU | steddie pre-murderhusbands relationship big thanks to @dapandapod for beta reading and improving my poor attempt to write sth

Steve Harrington is good at his job. He's quick, he is thorough and most importantly, he doesn't ask questions.

There's nothing that could shock him anymore. He's seen everything.

Steve doesn’t mind severed limbs, gore, blood and body fluids, sometimes creatively mixed in more ways than are pleasant to imagine.

He's used to it, and cleaning it is what earns him a nice living as a crime scene cleaner.

Or just... scene cleaner maybe.

He doesn't work with the police or authorities. No, his specialty lies outside the law, which means he arrives before a mess becomes a nuisance. He cleans until there is not a speck of blood left, until there is nothing to indicate that something happened there. Was there ever a crime committed if there is no crime scene?

The money's amazing by the way. Of course cleaning the remains is a shit job but if you add the hush money on top, well, ain't that a nice bonus.

Again, Steve doesn't ask questions. He doesn't care. It's none of his business.

–

Eddie's shoes are squeaking in the puddle of blood he tried and failed to not step into.

He flips the business card around and squints at the hurried scribble of a phone number that was added right under the name "Stevie".

He trusts Chrissy's background check.

They were in a dire need of a new guy after the previous one decided to catch a bullet with his face after snooping one time too many. 

Eddie looks up to the blood stained walls and ceiling and dials the number on the card.

"Hello?"

"Watergate Street 53", is all Eddie replies.

"How many?", Stevie asks.

"Uhm, five?"

"You sure? Might wanna go check again?", Stevie laughs into the phone.

Bitch.

"It's five." Eddie answers, annoyed.

There's a low whistle. "Alright, I'll be there in 20. Payment upfront. 50k."

Then the line goes dead. Eddie rolls his eyes, pockets his phone and looks around for a clean spot to sit while he waits.

–

It's exactly three hours and thirty two minutes later when Stevie empties his water bucket for the last time.

Eddie watches curiously as Stevie takes off the gloves, mask and safety glasses he arrived in. Eddie didn't mean to stick around but he's not trusting this new guy yet (he's also curious, sue him). 

His gaze turns into a stare when the other man pulls down the zipper of his squeaky yellow biohazard suit, throwing back the hood and running a clean hand through his sweat soaked hair. He has a strong jaw and long, mole dotted neck that Eddie just wants to taste.

Eyes wide, Eddie’s not able to hold back the sharp intake of breath as he watches in horror the moment Stevie's eyes lock with his and -

Fuck.

Stevie's lips curl into a smirk.

Eddie is so fucked.

[thedumestflower]

MENTIONS ABOUT M@GGOTS

.

.

The only time Howie has ever been stopped from doing his goddamm job is when he and this other guy who was a crime scene cleaner, were called to work on this same house, since the house was, quite frankly, filthy, because of, well, crime, and they were talking about a maggot infestation because of carpet mold, damaging the wood floorboards.

Witch led them to talking about bugs.

Then 30 mins later they were in deep conversation about their respective nature hiperfixations, Howie about bees and other hard working animals and the cleaner guy about mushrooms and decomposers , since they provide an important service to nature

Does Howie regret this? Kinda not really.

He regrets the time loss, but not the conversation, because it gave him a respect for decomposers, and the role they play in society.

But in the end, they both did they're god damn jobs, and they did them fucking well.

And that's all that matters in the end

(bonus doodle of Howie and the cleaner guy, who is my oc that I've posted about befor)

[lyranix1201]

(part 1)Here are some of the plot summary of the nevermore fanfic that I have been writing or that I will write in the future:

(before I start, I am very sorry about all of the spelling mistakes on this post. my computer doesn't have a autocorrect feature, for some reason or I just can’t figure out why it doesn’t work. two of the summarys of the fanfic that I was writing, are on this post. that I Luckily had placed on one of my draft before my phone broke. so they are here. I have somehow saved them from being lost for eternity :)

(Mafia/ cleaning service AU)

Who's there?! Nevermore Cleaning service.(Current name for this fanfic. all of them might change in the future.)

Having a job as a cleaner is quite boring, but knowing that your life is on the line if you don't do your job properly—is terrifying. The well-known company known as Nevermore Cleaning Service, also known as N.C.S for short, never puts on their job description that it is associated with the mafia. Being a cleaner for the mob has its ups and downs and Lenore knows that better than anyone. She has experience it all, the bad and the worst. She learned very quickly in her career, that being an employee of this company, means that you have to do the dirty work, that no one wants to do.

Cleaning away the blood, disposing of the bodies well listening to jazz or classical music is oddly satisfying, to say the least. Sometimes if you’re lucky you don't have to do your job alone, but that also means that there are more bodies in your disposal. When there is too much work, they will grouped you up with three other people. Like in the case of Lenore, that's how she met three of her best friend, Duke, Pluto and Berenice.

On one of those boring days of cleaning, Lenore became acquaintances with someone new. She met the daughter of one of the most well-known mafia leaders in town, Annabelle Lee withlock. She met this girl at one of the most unpredictable location, a crime scene, of all places. Annabelle lee stated that “she didn't do it” but Lenore wasn't convinced in the slightest. Especially after meeting her more frequently, because of some random body that is laying on the floor.

Or

Lenore cleanse up crime scene's for a living, with her three friends (Pluto, Duke, Berenice). One day, she meets Annabelle lee on one of those crime scene. In Lenore's words she was acting weird (sus), they ended up fall in love. The end.

(I can literally imagine Annabelle lee killing some random person, just so that she can spend time with Lenore.)

[this fanfic is inspired by a video game called "Crime Scene Cleaner". that you can find on steam. but the full game is not yet available and I Don't know when it will released in the making of this post. I saw someone play the demo of this game (Jay from the kubz scouts) and I immediately got inspired to write a fanfic with the same theme. I'm currently still writing the first chapter and it has now at least over 1600 words and I have been trying to make the 2 and 3 chapter, even though I’m not even finished with the first one. There is a small problem that I forgot to mention, all of my fanfics are on my phone and my phone decided to die on me. so I lost everything that I have, allllll of it is goneeeeeeeeeeeee and I don’t know if a can remember all of the things that I wrote, to recreate it. So............yeah, that happened.]

Here is the link of the video that I watched and the game:

Video:https://youtu.be/obeqUaozSWg?si=1kvs9fBAlQ38VsD7

Game:https://store.steampowered.com/app/1040200/Crime_Scene_Cleaner/

(Train conductor Au)

The Everlasting train ride(Current name for this fanfic)

Lenore and her friends are stuck on a moving train that has been inhabited by people for centuries. They don't know how long the citizens have been on board this train, but one thing that the close friends do know for certain. Is that they have been occupying this train ever since they were children.

After the strange disappearance of the two Vandernaghts conductors, Lucille and Thaddeus, their two children were now destined to becoming the next train conductors after them. Lenore and her brother Theo are now in charge of the train and the passengers well-being.

The two siblings were investigating their parents weird disappearance to understand, how and why they disappear. The passengers assume that they are death, but Lenore is not convinced. Before their parents disappearance, no one was ever allowed to enter into the front wing of the train, also known as the control room. but now that they were gone, she and her brother are now allowed to venture throughout the area, until their hearts content. No one has ever been on this side of the train beside of their parents, so it is a big mystery of what lays upon those depths. Apparently this is where all of their parents belonging are kept and the belonging of the train conductors before them. This is great start in figuring out anything about their parents and the nature of this train.

With the help of her friends, Lenore starting solve more mystery around the train and discovered the real origin of its creation. she found out many things, one thing that stood out from the rest of course, is the fact that her enter family, has been stuck on this train for centuries.

After finding out the so called truth. she had enough of this place and made the decision to stop at the next train station that appeared. In all of the train history there were no written down instances of the train having new passengers, beside the ones that were already occupying it. But this time it was different, they acquired not one, but five new passengers, that weren't originally from this godforsaken train.

Where do they come from? what is it like outside? Why do they even want to be on-board, this devils train? What made them want to leave there homes, in the first place?

Those were all questions that the passengers and Lenore wanted to know. She didn't have enough time to asked the strangers any questions, they had to make a run for it ...... something went wrong. Now that there are five strangers in the train, can she trust them to not hurt the passengers?

The number one rule placed on the train conductors is that, the safety of the people is their number one priority. But what happens if she doesn’t comply to this rule?

(Your soul will be capt, in dark depths of the abyss, untill the devil's train presist)

or

Lenore and her friends are stuck on a moving train, she meets Annabel lee and her gang, and Theo and Lenore are basically orphans now.

[ like all of the other fanfic, I lost everything about it and I am really pissed. because one of the most important part of the fic, that I wrote is now gone.]

fun fact: when I started writing this fanfic, I wrote the summary, the plot, the things that were going to happen in the story and the 3 chapter (were the most important thing that Lenore is going to find out in the story) on a random Thursday. After I saw a random picture of a broken down train on Pinterest . Not even a week after, I went to my Portuguese school library and found this English book, with almost the exact same plot. It is so random, I never saw that book before in my life and that book was also never touched by anyone. I’m not even mad that I found it, because it gave me some extra ideas for this fic. after reading it, I found out that the only thing that the fanfic and the book have in common is that the main character father figures disappears and that there are trains is both of them.

The book is called: the railway children. ( It is a children's book and it was a great read.)

(pirate/fortune-teller(princesses) fantasy AU

The last gambit (current name of this fanfic)

[ this was my first ever fanfic that I started writing about the nevermore characters. I had already written a part of the first chapter with at least more than 1200 words. and now I don't have it. I don't have the summery, I don't have the chapter and I don't have the important things about the plot. JUST GREAT, JUST MY FUCKING LUCK :( . I remember that I wrote a short kind of poem in the first chapter, that I was really prude off, because I never wrote a poem in my life. And now it is gone forever.

This is what I remember about it, their are some things that are wrong, because I don't clearly remember what I wrote and I absolutely change some things in the end:

“pirates filled with greed, whom travel at sea, passe through the kafra will be on seen.

When you passe through the depths of the sea, You will perceive your pendant of hearts, in part of three.

Persist onward and venture through the lands of dreams, that is engulfed by dreams, Travel until enternity.

Your time can passe forward, my time can be kept, to be enternily yours in the depth of my neck.

My soul will life on, until your favourite word never, will be no more. Until I say there is no more. Until my dear friend says nevermore…..”

The last few paragraph don't make any sense, but anyways.... (This poem is important to the plot, I promise.)

here is a quick summery of the fanfic, that I managed to make with the last bit of my memories, that i have about it:

“She's a well-known pirate, who is known by many and every merchant who travels on the seven seas. in other words, she is a well-known thief who is hated by all."

“A pirate and a thief.” Annabell lee thought to herself well, observing the black haired woman a crossed the street. “What an intriguing combination, indeed.” A little smile appeared on her face, when she realized that the woman that she was a waiting for. for all of those years, was now stedely approaching her. her definition didn’t predict this, but it certainly did predict the presence of a: "pure embodiment of chaos" appearing on her front door step.

The only thing that she has to do now, is to play her cards wright. she didn't expect this to happen, but she is very glad that it did. with the help of this so called pirate, she will be able to get her ticket straight to freedom. (There is nothing straight about this, you know, because she gay..... Let me stop)

or

Lenore is a well known pirate and Annabell lee is a fortune-teller/princesses. Lenore is practically forced by Annabell Lee to help her escape her responsibility.

This fanfic is a fantasy au, so this is going to be all of the character roles in the story:

Morrella is either going to be a mermaid or a fairy in this fic. or maybe i should make her an hybrid, because i can't choose and because I can.

Lenore is going to be a pirate/ lost princesses

Annabell lee is going to be a princesses/ fortune-teller who can see the future.

Prospero and Annabell are going to be stepsiblings, because I said so.

duke is a pirate and wizard ( I don’t know okay, leave me alone)

will is going to be a shape shifter or an genie

Ada is going to be a siren in disguise, who is also a maid.

Pluto is going to be furry, I mean a shape shifting cat.

Eulalie is going to be a witch who owns a orphanage.

Berenice is going to be a vampire who owns her own bar.

Theo is probably going to be dead in this fic.

And last but not least Monty is going to be a asshole to everyone. He is also a thief and a pirate.

Puppet is going to be Annabelle's, teacher who helps her with her ability.

Dolly is practically going to be a nurse ( I don't know what to do with her yet.)

The dean's, Merry and mourn are going to be the antagonist, who likes to play games with Lenore and Annabelle.

[ i will post more of those in the future, but now i have to try to get my shit together and start slaving away and start writing. i am praing to god that the fanfic curse (ao3 curse) doesnt kill me (literally and figuratively. my luck is horoundes and im 70% sure that i am some how related to lenore, in some way or form. also i will use this post as some kind of safe in case something happens, so that i may be able to use it in the future to write my fanfic).]

Future me here. I won't be able to get my digital art and my fanfic from my old phone :(. I hope that I be able to get my phone repair, but knowing my luck it's not going to happen. I got everything placed on my grandmother old phone except my pictures, my fanfic and digital art that I have been making for YEARS and MONTHS.

WHY DOES GOD HATE ME

Also here is a picture of my phone now.

What happened to it?

I threw it at someone's head.

I'm just joking, My dumb ass dropped it on the floor. I tried to get the protection off, but apparently it is glued with the strongest glue in the word. some kind of fucking super glue was used on this shit, because it didn't even want to get off. I tried to get rid off it, but it didn't work and I accidentally hurt my self. basically i cut my self with the glass bits of the protection, so in the end, I gave up. Yes, my finger did bleed, but It was nothing to fatal. My phone is now unresponsive, so I can practically throw it in the trash now.

I have lost all of my picture, more than 300 song that I had download on this phone, digital art and fanfic. atleast I still have my Gmail account, I guess.

I'm not that mad about lossing all of the fanfic, yes I did lose all my progress but I can always make everything again. But my art in the other hand, I'm never going to get it back and now I'm sad.

WHY DOES GOD HATE MEEEEE.

My dumb ass didn't save anything on my cloud or drive, so I lost all of it forever. I hope you guys can learn something from me.

"NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, ALWAYS SAVE YOUR STUFF ON CLOUD OR DRIVE AND ALWAYS SYNCHRONIZE YOUR STUFF WITH OTHER DEVICES."

PLEASE DON'T BE STUPID LIKE ME.

[your-nanas-house]

hi I was wondering if you do requests, if so could you do:

Gotham x Mortician or crime scene clean reader?

If you don't then no worries. Hope you have a good day/morning/evening/night. :)

Hello! Of course 🥰 sorry if it took me so long and I hope you have a good day/night/morning/evening/afternoon too.

The demonic angel

(Pictures not mine, credit to the owners)

◇ Pairing: Gotham X crime scene cleaner!fem!Reader

◇ Warnings: angst, mention of murder, demons, angels, crime, Gotham, corruption, shitty people

◇ Summary: in the request

◇ Note: Sorry for the mistakes and the English.

Y/n Y/l/n, a name known all over Gotham City if you found yourself joining the shady side of the big town.

She was known to everybody, really anybody, cops, criminals, people in power, tourists and many others.

Y/n was considered an untouchable figure meaning she could not be arrested because she was too useful to the police and could not be imprisoned in Arkham because she was considered sane despite her job and the environment in which she lived.

The job that was so useful and for which she earned so much was crime scene cleaner, she was therefore in charge of cleaning crime scenes to perfection without leaving traces or anything else in exchange for money and favors.

Y/n was a young girl with y/h/c hair and y/e/c eyes that were almost always dull, a consequence she had to get used to because of her job; the girl tended to always wear black clothes. She was used to always carrying a briefcase and a card that she used as a business card to gain new clients and advertise herself.

She was really good at what she did and was knowledgeable even did almost all of Gotham, she knew things that many people did not know, she had secrets from almost every person in that city but she had not yet become anyone's enemy since she was simply doing her job.

The young woman had bonds longer and more complex than a spider's web and they varied markedly, going from the GCPD to the Mafia families of that city, to people in power to homeless people; groups that were not at all connected to each other except for the fact that they were all part of the human species or almost all of them and they all lived in Gotham City, a city of crime where if you could do a grisly job you could get very rich.

Thanks to this path that began when she was only ten years old, improving quickly and gaining customers, fame and money along with favors, she was able to get a name that inspired her way of dressing.

The citizens of Gotham began to call her "the demonic angel," not because she was an assassin but demonic stood for when you sought her help and ended up selling your soul to the devil while angelic because she was a good-looking young woman, with a shy and innocent appearance who could fool anyone using her sweet, kind and strangely selfless personality.

Taglist:

@gabile18 , @mrsfullbuster500 , @rex-ray , @elizamalfoyy, @eovjjj , @monkeyking-and-liuer-mate , @jeremiah-va1eska , @gothamchic16, @rabbiteggz , @dieg0brandos-wife , @rottenecstasy , @lazyexcuse , @teh-vampire-bunny , @lobotomy-lover , @slasher-smasher

[guys-in-distress-database]

Entry #471: Toy Story 3

Media: film (animation)

Character(s): Buzz Lightyear, Ken

Type of restraints: tied up

Location: #1. About a third into the film, after Buzz escapes from the caterpillar room. #2. About 2/3rds into film, during the escape sequence

Considering that this movie was inspired by prison escape movies like The Great Escape, it should be no surprise that they added a few scenes that pay homage to the genre and its connections to crime dramas. 

After Buzz escapes from the caterpillar room, he discovers the secret meeting room of Lotso’s lackeys. After his cover is blown, they take Buzz prisoner, putting a bag over his head and taking him to a second location. In a detail I adore, he is tied to a chair made of Lego using pipe cleaners as rope. Though they quickly free him, he is soon pinned to the chair again and essentially brainwashed.

Later on, during the escape sequence, Barbie gets Ken to set her free and take her back to his house. After gaining his trust back, she proceeds to turn on him and tie him to a paddleboard using said paddleboard’s string. Because Ken’s arms have no joints, he’s just tied flat against it in a nice attention to detail. 

The way the bondage was done in this film just reminded me of my own childhood and tying up my dolls, action figures and Lego minifigures with what I had on hand haha. It seems like a weird thing to get nostalgic over for Toy Story 3, but that’s just my side of nostalgia. 

[the-duckless-pond]

maybe triggering? At the beginning

Well, I ordered first aid supplies. It’ll be here Monday. So I guess that settles that. I’m really doing this again. What a fucking mess.

But I can’t deny that it is seeming to help. I mean, it’s like my old therapist told me - you wouldn’t do it if it didn’t work. I guess I should probably feel bad about relapsing but I just… feel nothing about it. It feels unsurprising and unremarkable considering the summer I have had and what has happened. It feels like the natural conclusion of such events.

I guess on the bright side now I’ll have some inspiration for when I end up getting back to Happenstance. So at least some good will come out of this. Perhaps I wrote Shepard in the most recent chapter as being too willing to go deep, when I am now recalling that mostly you are just upset and afraid and searching for a solution. Not that I would classify anything I’ve done these past few days as being more than chicken scratches, but still the point stands and that is helpful to my process.

Anyway, here’s the rest of the update. My sweets arrived right on time and were very nice. I had the cannoli right away and really enjoyed it, and just now had the macaron to tide me over until dinner since I guess my mom for some reason wants to include me? No clue why. But so I needed a little something. I have other light snacks if I need something else. All that is left is the cheesecake now, and I kind of want to save that for tomorrow. I’m sure it will still be good tomorrow, right?

Also I guess I should probably be putting my self harm diary entries on my mental illness blog. I don’t care about naming it here. It’s @borderline-reorder and I post much the same diary bullshit.

I guess I’ll do that so I’m not triggering anyone here. I would feel awful if someone saw it and relapsed. It’s just that I don’t have anyone to talk to and I need somewhere to vent, you know?

I guess I’ll reblog this on my mental illness blog and start putting my more triggering stuff there.

I don’t want to see my mom tonight. I was waiting for a package delivery to the old place and I was just going to sneak in and out and grab things and no one would know I was there and I was going to be invisible so that I don’t have to listen to another rant about how much she hates everything but can’t (or won’t imo) do anything to change anything. It was going to be great.

But then she texted me saying that she wants to include me in dinner plans? And is being nice and saying that I don’t have to go with them, they’ll bring something back for me? I don’t get it. And then she kept going and said she could pick me up and we could get sodas and my packages all in one go and it would be great okay see you then. So I guess I was voluntold for this and now I don’t have a choice. Sigh. At least it’ll be fast. I hope it’s fast. I don’t have the energy to stand up to her today.

So yeah. I’m just kind of waiting for that to all happen to me. I did download some new games today that I’m hoping to play tonight. I’m in the living room now but last I was in the office maybe 10 min ago the first one had 20 min left. Crime scene cleaner! It looked funny and relaxing enough. I intend to play that one tonight.

I know I need to get serious about my sleep schedule otherwise I am fucked come my 9am class on Monday, but I am actually having a decent enough evening after hurting myself and thus fixing things this afternoon, and I kind of want to enjoy it. It’s Friday. I might as well. I say that now but I’ll be pissed in the morning when I inevitably sleep through the alarm I’ve been setting to try and get on track. I even looked today to see if any of the classes late in the day were open and none of them were. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll drop it and take it as a summer class. That way I have something to do in the summer to avoid being depressed, less school stress while I adjust to Boo’s health issues, and I can slowly fix my sleep schedule as an ongoing process. That’s probably the smartest way to go about it. Mom is helping with what my loans didn’t cover (about 1k, mostly from this class) so I’ll have to run it by her. I guess I’ll do that tonight and make a decision tonight. Drop or stay drop or stay. I want to drop.

Actually, fuck it. I’m just going to drop it. I can focus more on my major and minor classes that way, mom saves money, and my sleep (which is fucked ever since Boo was diagnosed) can slowly return to normal instead of rush and stress. I’ll take it as a summer class.

[extremecleaning]

Forensic Cleaning - Extreme Cleaning Services

Whether it’s a house crammed full of rubbish left by a hoarder or a crime scene, professional cleaners have the right gear and experience to safely and effectively clean up dangerous materials.

This week SBS premieres Extreme Cleaners, a humourous new Australian documentary that follows the day-to-day work of father and son cleaning duo Peter and Sam Teanby.

Hoarder Clean-Ups

Each hoarding and gross filth clean up situation is different but all require heavy duty cleaning, disinfection and odour removal. These properties often contain rodent droppings, dead animals and human faeces which can carry disease. These contaminated items can also lead to fire hazards. Sydney Forensic Cleaning work closely with social services and insurance companies to remediate and restore these homes.

Discretion assured, our expert cleaning technicians provide a non-judgemental service to help the victim recover and regain control of their life and home. We assist in removing the piles of clutter that are causing health issues, preventing access and blocking out sunlight.

Later this week SBS premieres a new Australian documentary series called Extreme Cleaners. It follows Peter and Sam Teanby, a father/ son cleaning duo from Perth with a unique sense of humour and a no-holds-barred approach to the dirtiest jobs that most cleaners would shy away from. They call themselves “the dirtiest cleaners in Australia”. The show is sure to entertain and inspire.

Crime Scene Clean-Ups

Cleaning up after a crime scene can be extremely traumatising for those involved. The clean-up process must be done in a sensitive manner that is respectful to the families of the deceased and that also complies with strict health and safety guidelines. A forensic cleaning company in Sydney specialises in this type of work.

For example, they can clean fingerprint powder residue from a property where the NSW Police Force has examined the premises for trace fingerprints. The specialised cleaning methods required to remove this residue can be carried out by crime scene cleaners who have obtained the appropriate industry accreditations.

Peter and Sam Teanby are an extreme cleaning Sydney duo from Perth who have a unique father/son relationship, a sense of humour that is infectious, and a cleaning style that has to be seen to be believed. This week, SBS premieres the new documentary series, Extreme Cleaners, which follows the pair through their daily struggles as they take on jobs that other companies would be afraid to touch.

Biohazard Clean-Ups

A variety of situations can lead to the need for a biohazard clean-up. These include crime scenes, unattended deaths, and drug and meth labs. These areas must be cleaned and decontaminated by a professional forensic cleaning team to ensure that the area is safe for people to enter.

Cleaning areas contaminated with faeces, vomit, and urine is a hazardous process that requires proper equipment and training. These materials can cause infections, diseases, and even death if not dealt with correctly.

Peter and Sam Teanby are a father-son forensic cleaning team from Perth. Their humour and sense of adventure shine through in this acclaimed Australian documentary, which shows the two men tackling jobs that most would run away from. From cleaning up a house filled with 400 bags of human excrement to balancing on a ledge ten storeys in the air to clean windows, these guys never say no!

Trauma Clean-Ups

When an event such as a crime, suicide or natural death occurs, it leaves behind a scene that needs to be cleaned up. This is a delicate process that involves removing and disposing of all bodily fluids and making the property safe for its next occupants. This work is very sensitive and requires a high level of professionalism.

Trauma cleaners are specially trained to clean locations that have been contaminated by blood and other bodily fluids. They follow strict decontamination protocols to ensure the safety of anyone entering the property. They also understand the psychological trauma that can occur for those who witness a traumatic event.

SBS is airing a new Australian documentary, Extreme Cleaners, that follows the life of Peter Teanby and his son Sam. They have a unique father/son relationship and are willing to take on jobs most other cleaning companies would never touch. From a house that was covered in human excrement to cleaning up above power lines that carry 32,000 volts, nothing is off limits for these extreme cleaners.

[joshmraymond]

Dexter's Guide to Deep Carpet Cleaning: A Killer Approach for Pristine Floors

When it comes to keeping our homes clean and hygienic, carpet cleaning is often overlooked. But fear not, as we delve into the world of cleaning with a twist. Drawing inspiration from the iconic serial killer, Dexter Morgan, we present the definitive guide on how Dexter would clean carpets. So, prepare yourself for a killer clean!

1. Gather the Tools:

Just like Dexter sharpens his knives, you'll need to gather the tools for your carpet cleaning mission. Here's what you'll need:

- Vacuum Cleaner: Dexter would start by removing any loose dirt, debris, and hair regularly with a high-powered vacuum.

- Spot Cleaner: For those tough and stubborn stains, Dexter would have a reliable spot cleaner ready to tackle them head-on.

- Carpet Shampooer: Dexter knows the importance of a deep, thorough cleaning. Using a carpet shampooer will give your carpets a fresh look and remove any hidden dirt and odors.

- Brushes: Dexter would arm himself with a selection of brushes suitable for various carpet textures and clean every corner with precision.

2. Prepare the Crime Scene:

Before Dexter gets down to business, he prides himself on preparing the perfect crime scene. Similarly, you need to prep your carpets:

- Clear the Area: Remove any furniture or objects from the carpeted area to get unrestricted access.

- Treat Stains: Prioritize treating stains with a spot cleaner. Dexter would analyze each stain like a blood spatter pattern, selecting the appropriate method to remove it.

- Test Carpet Shampooer: Just as Dexter runs diagnostics on his equipment, test the carpet shampooer on a small, inconspicuous area to ensure its compatibility with your carpet.

3. Execution - Dexter's Carpet Cleaning Protocol:

Dexter is known for his meticulous attention to detail. Follow these steps, and you'll achieve carpet cleaning perfection:

- Vacuum Thoroughly: Start by vacuuming as if your life depended on it. In multiple passes, use different attachments to reach tricky corners and crevices.

- Pre-treatment: Dexter understands that different stains require different treatments. Apply the appropriate spot cleaner to each stain and gently agitate using a brush.

- Dexter's Signature Move: Summon your inner Dexter as you unleash the carpet shampooer. Move methodically, systematically covering every inch of your carpet, ensuring you don't miss any spots. Pay extra attention to high-traffic areas.

- Agitation: Dexter knows that sometimes a little agitation is necessary. Using a stiff brush, work the carpet shampoo deep into the fibers, releasing any dirt trapped within.

- Rinse and Repeat: Empty and refill your carpet shampooer with clean water. Rinse the carpet thoroughly, removing any residual detergent to prevent stickiness and attract dirt.

- Drying: Dexter ensures there are no traces left behind, and you should too. Utilize fans or open windows to accelerate the drying process and avoid unwanted odors or mold.

4. Achieving the Perfect Cover-Up:

Finally, Dexter knows the importance of leaving no evidence. Here's how you can ensure your carpets remain clean and fresh:

- Regular Maintenance: Vacuum your carpets at least once a week to remove loose dirt and prevent build-up.

- Prompt Spot Treatment: Dexter wouldn't let a stain sit, and neither should you. Treat stains as soon as they occur to maximize your chances of complete removal.

- Professional Assistance: Dexter sometimes seeks assistance from others, and so can you. Consider professional carpet cleaning services at least once or twice a year for a deep clean, especially if your carpets see a lot of foot traffic.

Conclusion:

With Dexter's cleaning protocol, your carpets will thank you for the attention they receive. Using his systematic approach, attention to detail, and understanding of different stain treatments, your carpets will be transformed, exhibiting a level of cleanliness suitable for a killer clean! Happy cleaning!

[moonlight-ghoulette]

Accidentally took a nap earlier and now I’m sitting here wide awake at 4am switching between youresoloud and crime scene cleaning videos

[whosscruffylooking]

The Purest Things-First Day Jitters (Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader)

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: None.

A/N: There will be a Part 2 to this piece based on S3E10 in order to give some groundwork to the dynamics amongst the team once the reader joins them. Enjoy reading! I had so much fun making this piece. 

The Purest Things Masterlist

au! october 2007

"Criminal profiling is more of an art than a science. Modeling a criminal profile demands the precise marrying of psychological and rational instincts with the crime scene's particulars. What steps would you take in the process of analyzing a suspect to form a solid profile," the stoic BAU Section Cheif asks.

"First, I would want to accumulate all attainable information about the crime to help explain the "how" and "why" of the offense," you counter.

"What kind of information?"

"I'd want to acquire knowledge on the victim to examine the victimology. For example, I'd determine the victim's career and place of employment, friends, family, social status, criminal records, and daily routines and habits. Then, I can look at the connection between the victim and the unidentified subject. Did they know each other, or are they strangers? Why was the victim targeted, and was it them specifically, or are they just one quarry in a tangled web of attacks?"

You look for some signal in Cheif Strauss's attitude as to whether or not you should continue. 

Let’s ramp this up a notch. 

Taking the liberty of doing so regardless, you continue.

"Then, I want to know more about the attacker. I want to classify him...or her, as well as the offense. Why did it take place at a specific location? What is the motive? Is the suspect an amateur or a professional? This collection of data helps to assemble a proper crime assessment. I can now paint the picture of what happened before, during, and after the attack. Next, I can start to hypothesize and formulate a complete profile; I can deduce the kind of person we are dealing with. This assessment includes the age range, social status, what type of career he or she may hold, their I.Q., anything that describes the attacker. Now, I can give the profile to investigators and work to capture the assailant. The profile not only helps track him down but also helps refine the interrogation process."

Pausing the video recording, David sets the remote on the table.

"Academically, she's perfect for the job, Aaron. But will she fit in with the team? She seems too well trained, too straight from the textbook."

"That's why I wanted you to see this next part."

They both watch you in expectation.

"If I may Section Chief Strauss...as much as academic training benefits a student in laying the foundations for their selected career field, all of the studying and laboring over perfect grades becomes virtually obsolete once on the job. Instead, implementing the mechanics and learning through experience, trial, and error is far more beneficial. Executing what you've learned in the real world and refining your expertise in the field is the only way to accurately reveal whether or not you are capable of doing your job."

Rossi snickers at your straightforwardness. Aaron crosses his arms, struggling to fight back the urge to smile.

"Care to expound on that?" Strauss proposes.

"You don't trust the current...organization within the BAU. You feel as though Unit Cheif Hotchner and his team pose a threat to the unit. However, I think you put more emphasis on the chain of command. Specifically, you don't trust Agent Hotchner. In the entirety of this vetting process, you have continually undermined the Unit Chief's role in selecting a new agent. He has not been included in any of our telephone calls. Never once have you cc'd him on our emails. Nor has he been invited to sit in on our in-person interviews. I think the only time I've set eyes on him was in the lobby. He seemed to be completely unaware of my presence and purpose here. I'm sure that were I to be hired TodayToday, I could walk right into his office, and he would be blindsided entirely by my arrival and position on the team. Now, if I am to be apart of this renowned group of individuals, I want to know that I will be a part of it. I do not intend to be an outsider in my field or a pawn for higher-ups' ulterior motives. So, with all due respect Cheif Strauss, I would like to withdraw my application. If any of the aspects that I have touched on prove true and impact my role within this unit, I have no interest in undermining an established team that has no place for me."

Rossi claps Aaron on the shoulder, "She'll do just fine."

**********

You step inside the lobby of the FBI Academy. Although the sight is not new to you after your intense vetting process, it now takes on a new meaning. You have a new purpose. Processing your surroundings, you regard the entryway's clean efficiency. Considering the darkness that looms over this bureau, the lobby is welcoming all the same. 

So this is what my tax dollars have been paying for.

Noticing that an elevator has arrived, you call out to the person inside one of the many lifts. They hold it open for you. The sound of your clipping heels progresses as you run across the glossy tile floor. High heels may not seem like the most logical choice for your first day of work in the FBI, but when wearing them, you feel elevated. As if the world is your stage and you are the ballerina dazzling the crowd in her pointe shoes. Sure, they are uncomfortable at times, but wearing them can almost be considered a superpower. A quintessential accessory of the iconic femme fatale.

The woman in the elevator gasps as you climb on board, startling slightly.

"Are those Jimmy Choos?" She squeals.

You laugh and shake your head, peering down at the patent leather footwear, "No. I wish, though! They're just some old Steve Madden's I got on the clearance racks." Seeing her shoes, you imitate her enthusiasm, "Those are unique! I've never seen a green...quite that color on shoes before."

Chuckling, she thanks you, "Shoes are one of the many ways I express myself. I'm pretty sure at this point I have a pair of shoes in every color for every mood. Today I was feeling a little envious, so I chose this lime green."

"Envious?" You ask.

"There is a Doctor Who convention going on this weekend, and I have meet and greet tickets for the entire cast, but I've been called in on a case. Meanwhile, three of my friends from counterterrorism are on their way to meet David Tennant as we speak. So yes, I am envious."

"Oh my gosh, I heard about that! Catherin Tate is going to be there too. God, what I would give to meet Donna Nobel in the flesh."

"You watch Doctor Who?" Her eyes widen.

You shrug my shoulders, "I'm a bit of a self-proclaimed Whovian."

Shoving her bags underneath her shoulders to free her hands, she stretches them to you, "Penelope Garcia. We are going to be the best of friends."

Taking her hand in yours, you introduce yourself, "I'm Y/F/N/ Y/L/N. I look forward to having a best friend in the building. Today is my first day."

"Oh sweetie, you are going to do amazing," she looks up at the floor number as the elevator dings, "Well, this is my stop."

Stepping off alongside her, you notice her slight surprise. "Mine too," you announce proudly.

"Wait," she whispers, holding a hand up to your face in a stopping motion, "Today is your first day. Oh! Are you the newbie?"

"Today is my first day as a profiler at the BAU, yes."

Stomping her feet repeatedly, she cheers, "Oh, this day keeps getting better! My darling, you will fit in just fine. Now come with me. There's another fellow Whovian I'd like for you to meet."

Following her through the enormous glass doors and into the department, you can't help but feel slightly overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle. "Welcome to the bullpen," she turns around, beaming, "Oh! Spencer, come hither, the new girl is here!"

The young man spins around in his chair and raises his eyebrows, giving you a once-over; he strolls across the office to meet you. You can't tell if he is too tall or too thin. Perhaps, his head is just considerably big for his body, or his lengthy hair gives that illusion. When he nods at you, holding his hand out to greet you, he looks slightly like a little bobble-head doll.

"Dr. Spencer Reid at your service!" He melodically sings.

Nerdy pipe cleaner. I like him.

"It's a pleasure, Dr. Reid. I'm Y/F/N Y/L/N."

"I read you got a full ride through college and graduated from Berkley with a semester completed at the University of Kent for Psychology of Criminal Justice, and you have a degree in Forensic Psychology."

You nod, impressed by his research—time to dazzle him with yours.

"And you, Dr. Reid, attended Caltech. You completed your undergraduate degree at 16, and you hold Bachelor's degrees in Psychology, Sociology, and Philosophy. Very impressive."

"You forgot PhDs in Mathematics, Chemistry, and Engineering," he adds.

You nod, "My apologies."

Breaking a tiny smile, he shifts his gaze to the floor as you notice the light tint of pink shading his cheeks. Unable to resist, you feel the heat rise to yours as well.

"Ah! You must be our newest recruit—Benvenuto nell'esperienza della tua vita," a gentle voice echoes from behind you.

Turning around, you see a familiar-looking, dapperly dressed older gentlemen gliding down the stairs to greet you.

"And you are Agent David Rossi. I attended one of your guest lectures at Berkley three years ago," you reach your hand out to meet his.

"Call me Dave, and you can thank me for inspiring your career choice later. Right now, we have a case. It looks like it'll be a first day via baptism by fire for you kiddo," he lifts his thick eyebrows and winks at you. David motions for you to follow his lead, and you eagerly journey behind him.  

In the conference room, you are met with the eager faces of four other new colleagues. The first to catch your eye is the herculean adonis, whose attention fixates on you. You watch as his eyes scour you top to bottom, taking your whole body in.

Four words. Sculpted by the gods. Where has he been all my life?

"Where have you been all my life?" The statuesque man purrs, running his thumb across his bottom lip.

Ha. Jinx. You can buy me a drink anytime.

"Hiding from men who lead an introduction with that," you strut over to shake his hand. A knot swirls in your stomach as your finger-tips touch, but you quickly dismiss it as mere infatuation.

Throwing his head back in laughter, he responds, "I like you already. Derek Morgan."

"It's nice to see you again," the bright, blue-eyed young woman you recognized as the media liaison smiles, "I'm Jennifer Jareau, but you can call me J.J." On the day of your first interview with Strauss, she offered you directions to the Section Chief's office.

Next, Agent Prentiss introduces herself. Her thick, raven-colored hair elegantly falls to her shoulders and encompasses her diamond-shaped face. There is a spirited as well as clever expression in her eyes.

Finally, Agent Hotchner stands up. You are taken aback by his astute and severe manner. He's taller than you recall, although you have only observed him from afar. Like most men, he seems to have become an automaton of the modern workplace, measured and valued just for his productivity and obedience. He is tense, most likely swallowing intense trauma and concealing it so he can get up each day and do the same tedious job again and again. Most men display these traits in the way they parent, becoming domineering companions, stacking decay over destruction until their home-life collapses. What remains is a mass of bitterness resentment.

Yet, he exhibits none of this. Beneath this rather tough exterior, you can discern that he is the kind of handsome that infiltrates your bones, that exudes an air of olden times before he's even said a word to you.

Tag List:

@chellybear98​ @destiny-tsukino​ @wanniiieeee​ @sweetiecake180 @vampiracontessa​ @weexinling​ @spaghetti-dad187 @hothskies​ @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos​ @mac99martin​ @clairedragonessbaker @cecemariee7302​ @halloweenwithreid @megans-txmblr​ @theoldestguard @purpledragonturtles​ @chazubagi​ @frogrrylovebot @agentaaronhotass​ @obsssedwithjustaboutanything @mcntsee @ssagube @softhetixx @kenzies-mr-j @peachyotps @cat11-2 @prettylittlemoonlight @ravenmoore14 @gubs-boobs @spencerreidsoulmate

[lunasphantom]

Mission:Rise of Rivalries

Chapter 0

masterlist

Synopsis: Phoenix, a top assassin from a very secret group, the definition of girlboss.gaslight.gatekeep.No one knows her name but they call them Raven. A very intelligent killer whose kills have been studied by many (some very entertaining by the way). Studied by people like Dream. Dream, a mysterious detective,works with the government. The only person who found Phoenix,she was hard to track but in the end he did find her. Now, these two establishments come together to take over a shared target, Sleepy Bois Inc. A family who has gotten into illegal business. How will these two sworn enemies, Dream and Phoenix, take over the most powerful family.

“Absolutely not.” Dream yelled from one of the rooms to George. He had just heard about the assignment and his partner in crime, Phoenix . A sworn enemy of his and the government but now they have to work together.The report of “Finding Phoenix” was messy, but an entertaining one.No one knows Phoenix's real name so they had to come up with a nickname for her. One day at a crime scene she left the story of a Phoenix which inspired her name. Dream had to approach her in a different way, in a more emotional way. At least that’s what he said in the report. George and Sapnap knew better. He was more lively before Phoenix, still mysterious but less cold. Now it feels like he needs a botox for his crease that formed because he is constantly furrowing his eyebrows. George rolled his eyes over his childishness before he could argue Sapnap defended George’s alliance “It’s not like this is temporary, we really need their help and yes especially Phoenix’s help. They are literally trained for this. They have the upper-hand on this case.” Dream let out a loud huff “I am also trained for this.” he grumbled. “Yes but they work cleaner and better. SBI is getting stronger every day and we need to move.” While the argument continued on one side, on the other side things were a lot more calmer.

“You already know a lot about SBI and you know how Dream works so I think you’ll be fine.” Niki said to Phoenix as she sat down and took a sip from her coffee cup (which definitely had wine in it). “I don’t think he is going to agree.” “Well, they need him not that he is amazing or anything. They want to show him off and scare you a little bit. A constant reminder that you need to do things in a civilized manner and not go killer mode.” Puffy said while she was still looking through the files. Phoenix was sure that she went over them a thousand times just to find a typo or something that's missing. “When did killing bad people become uncivilized?” “Since the establishments made their own villains.” Niki said in a nonchalant manner. There was a knock on their door and the Dream team arrived.

A stranger who knew nothing about the detective and the assassin, even to them, the tension in the room was apparent. Dream and Phoenix locked their eyes and everything flashed before their eyes. Phoenix pulled out of her train of thought and got up “Shall we get over the basics?”

The meeting went fine. The constant death glare that Dream sent Phoenix was noticeable but it didn’t look like she was phased by that at all. She could feel it but didn’t let it get over her head. He hated that. He hated how she didn’t stare back. He hated that her hand also went to her scar. He hated many things about her and none of it seemed to phase her. Their first task was to get close with Karl Jacobs and Quackity. “I already like him.” said Phoenix when she heard his nickname. Karl and Quackity did the groundwork for SBI, if they could get in with groundwork they would find their way into the SBI. Their headquarters were in Mexico even though the SBI family lived in London. Hotels were arranged, files were given, fake names tagged on each file. “We need you to act as a couple.” “No” Dream argued “I won’t mind finding another person on your bed I can join if you want.” Phoenix said while still reading the file about Quackity. “Dream stop being a dick, get over this cause your attitude is going to ruin this whole thing. Trust me Phoenix wants this family to go down as much as you do maybe eve-” “Puffy that’s enough” Phoenix raised her voice and finally looked at Dream “We don’t need to prove anything to you, suck it up and be a good boy.” Phoenix got up from her seat “You know where my apartment is, pick me up at 09:45 don’t come up.” and she left and silence followed her exit.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

One of the very last events I attended before the lockdown was a thing in Silicon Valley attended by many old friends, but the best moment of all was the chance to hang out with Kim Stanley Robinson, a friend and inspiration.

That's when Stan told me he had just finished a book that might be his last-ever novel, The Ministry For the Future, and that his future work would be nonfiction, starting with his long-planned book about the Sierras.

I was stricken. Robinson's novels are a lifeline for me.

The first Robinson novel I read may just be my favorite: Pacific Edge, a green utopian novel about a successful transition to a post-climate-emergency, just and stable world. Re-reading it is a vacation from all my anxieties, still.

https://memex.craphound.com/2015/01/15/pacific-edge-the-most-uplifting-novel-in-my-library/

My first novel, DOWN AND OUT IN THE MAGIC KINGDOM, wouldn't exist without Pacific Edge. That was the book that taught me that small disputes over beloved local treasures could be as dramatic as (and microcosms for) global conflicts.

I have been both dreading and anticipating MINISTRY FOR THE FUTURE, not wanting to read my last KSR novel but also wanting so badly to read this one, because it's the book in which he imagines the end of capitalism.

You've heard the phrase, "It is easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism," variously attributed to Frederic Jameson and Slavoj Žižek. As the author of a couple of postcapitalist novels, I have a real appreciation for the details of that truism.

It's actually not all that hard to imagine a postcapitalist society - but imagining the actual END of capitalism, the euthanasia of the rentier, the reversal of the doctrine of virtuous selfishness, the abandonment of the idea that some are born to rule, that is damned hard.

And while PACIFIC EDGE is my favorite KSR novel, my favorite KSR series is the string of books that starts with 2012's 2312 - a string of books that really leans hard into imagining the actual end of capitalism.

xhttps://memex.craphound.com/2015/01/15/pacific-edge-the-most-uplifting-novel-in-my-library/

2312 is set 300 years into postcapitalism. It's a novel of solar-system-scale civilization, riven by its own problems and contradictions, filled with tech marvels, a tale of natural wonders that showcase Robinson's incredible, John-Muir-grade genius for pastoral writing.

2312 was followed up by Aurora, one of the best space-exploration novels ever written, about the arrival of the first-ever generation ship at its destination world, and the hasty retreat it is required to stage.

https://memex.craphound.com/2015/11/02/kim-stanley-robinsons-aurora-space-is-bigger-than-you-think/

The book provoked a vitriolic reaction from science fiction's great reactionaries! I love a book that enrages the right people, and I was delighted to publish Robinson's rebuttal to their peevish complaints.

https://boingboing.net/2015/11/16/our-generation-ships-will-sink.html

From there, we move on to New York 2140, a novel of a pivotal moment in the transformation of capitalism and its relationship to the climate emergency.

https://memex.craphound.com/2017/03/18/new-york-2140-kim-stanley-robinson-dreams-vivid-about-weathering-climate-crisis/

These are like an artilleryman rangfinding a mortar, first overshooting his target and then walking his fire back, drawing closer to his bullseye. For Robinson, bullseye is the moment at which our society is transformed into one that can survive the coming emergencies.

It's telling that the 2312 books never got there. It is so fucking hard to imagine the end of capitalism.

But that is what The Ministry For the Future Does.

Sort of.

It's a novel about a specialized UN agency, chartered through the Paris Climate Agreement to represent unborn generations and the natural world in legal proceedings related to climate devastation.

Talking about this book, Robinson has described it as a kind of futuristic documentary, told in many voices, as a way of describing a phenomenon as vast as this global transformation.

https://pluralistic.net/2020/10/14/final_ver2/#ksr

Like many docs, it follows a couple of main characters, but weaves in dozens of other voices, some of whom we hear from only once or twice, recounting pivotal moments in which a moment calves away from our reality as we know it - moments of shear, giddy and terrifying.

Robinson is so good at this stuff. This is the book that he has been practicing for all his life. The vignettes are superb little jewels, mostly illuminating flashbulb moments in the lives of strangers met fleetingly.

But some of the most powerful moments don't even have characters: there's a transcript of the openng a fictional congress of global climate remediation groups after the crisis that is just an alphabetical list of countries and their associated projects.

This literally made me burst into tears of joy, bursting with hope at the thought that we could, as a species, spawn so many evocative and hopeful projects to save our world, our species, and our nonhuman cohabitants.

Robinson's versatility is on glorious display here: from long lists of hypothetical ecological projects, he veers into closely told moments of human endeavor in the natural world, showcasing his pastoralism with scenes so vivid you could reach out and touch them.

But all that said, the most interesting thing about this book is the stuff that Robinson couldn't or wouldn't put on the page. Robinson's hypothetical scenario for the end of capitalism is a baroque scheme of global cryptocurrency money-creation tied to carbon drawdown.

His technocrats trick capitalism into spending itself out of existence in a plan that is by turns brainy and daffy (as all blockchainism tends to be), with some pretty epic handwaving (especially when it comes to the breakup of tech monopolies).

But all of that would fail were it not for acts of absolutely brutal, ruthless terrorism. Robinson's transformation isn't merely about the carrots of double-bluff get-rich-quick schemes, it's heavily dependent on the stick of terror.

The aviation industry isn't (just) replaced by airships and rail because it's better and cleaner - but also because parties unknown use drones to bring down every private jet in the sky, and then commercial liners, until the aviation industry seizes up and dies.

And the world doesn't abandon beef because vegans win the moral argument or because greenies win the practical one - the decisive factor is drones that dart an unknowable plurality of the world's cattle with bovine spongiform encephalopathy.

There's more - pitiless, remorseless, anonymous. And while Robinson gets up close and personal with one traumatized individual who engages in an ecologically motivated, short-lived (and nonlethal) kidnapping, we never meet any of the terrorists or their victims.

The terror that begets the transition is recounted in the dry language of an encyclopedia entry, not dramatized like the pivotal moments of so many other characters.

It's a very telling omission.

My 2019 novella "Radicalized" is about an online community of men who, after watching their most treasured family members die slow, painful, preventable deaths because of insurance company fuckery, become suicide bombers who murder health execs.

https://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2019/05/who-says-violence-doesnt-solve-anything-a-review-of-radicalized-four-tales-of-our-present-moment-by-cory-doctorow.html

Writing that story was an intensely uncomfortable experience (and, judging from reader comments, it can be uncomfortable to read, too).

It's one thing to recognize that a systemic problem might not be solved without grotesque, mass violence, and another to put yourself in the shoes of either the perpetrators or the victims.

Robinson's end of capitalism is, superficially, a story of a transition, not a spasm, not a capital-T Terror. The lives we inhabit in this novel are people who are engaged in struggle, but not mass-murder.

But right there on the page is Robinson's uncomfortable and only partially elided conviction that we're not in for a transition, but rather a bloodletting, a reckoning commensurate with the ecocidal crimes that led up to this moment.

MINISTRY is a book that, on first consideration, feels like a utopia - not merely for the beautiful descriptions of people, animals and environments finding a way through the emergencies, but for the emergencies resolution.

But on closer examination, MINISTRY represents the dark fears of one of our brightest, most hopeful writers, that the world can only be saved by means that are literally too terrible to contemplate up close.

It's an uncomfortable read. It's a brilliant book. If it indeed turns out to be Stan's last novel (oh please don't let it be Stan's last novel), it will be a fitting capstone. But the subtext of this book is that we are past the point of no return.

Not only will rescuing our planet entail sacrifices of species, habitats, and coastlines - it will also entail sacrifices of the moral convictions that make vast spectacles of bloodletting unthinkable.

[rodpupo2]

Research: Project Finish

Tim Sale

Tim Sale is a famous comic book artist, who had worked in several titles along with the writer Jeff Loeb, including Batman, Spider-Man, Superman, Daredevil, and many others.

Tim Sale was born in may of 1956, in New York, where he studied visual arts, spent a good time of his life in Seattle, and today he lives in California.

For some years he drew his art privately, only to please himself. When he found himself working at a fast food in his late twenties, however, he decided to try to sell some of his work. This led to an association with Thives’ World Graphics, a fantasy anthology series, where he illustrated stories.

What most marks his work is the dramatic aspect that he manages to obtain in the characterization of his characters and in the scenarios he creates, making the stories unique and immortalizing the characters.

The union of Sale’s art with Loeb’s engaging narrative has become the perfect marriage for mysterious plots.

One of the most striking characters worked by Sale was Batman, which he drew “The Long Halloween”, “Dark Victory” and “Halloween”. He was able to fully transfigure the dark aura of Gotham and his Dark Knight. He also worked with Superman in the saga “ Superman for All Seasons”.

Both of The Long Halloween and For All Seasons are what is known as “Year one” comics. These works take their heroes back in time to their earliest days of crime fighters.

His main tool is watercolor, which he uses with mastery. Sale's palette of colors is something really impressive, always drawing and painting his characters very delicately, and calmly. His style is very cartoonish, although this does not diminish his art in any way, on the contrary, his style is very unique and characteristic.

Pedro Franz

Is a Brazilian comic book artist, who was born in Santa Catarina and has a degree in design.

He has been publishing several comic books and participating in exhibitions in Brazil and abroad. As an illustrator, he has published works several magazines and books, and regularly collaborates with the Piauí magazine. As a graphic designer, he is a contributor to the Par (Ent) Esis platform. He has comics translated and published in English and Spanish, and has good international recognition, thanks to his publications.

But what is most impressive in Pedro's art, perhaps is his intensive use of colors. Mixing various shades of different colors, mixing different compositions. In addition to sometimes using characters from pop culture, with his elaborate style.

Despite liking traditional comics, he has always published and worked for national publishers, often with authorial works.

Perhaps his best known work, which was even published in the United States is the comic “Suburbia”.

Suburbia tells the story of Conceição, a girls daughter of enslaved rural workers, who flees to Rio de Janeiro in the early 1990s. In the city, Conceição begins to work as a cleaner and to get involved in the world of funk, slums and poverty.

His drawings are extremely surreal, not exactly following a traditional way of making comics, with several images spread across the page, with different shapes and sizes, with extremely strong colors, mainly valuing blue, purple, yellow and red, as his main colors.

Richard Corben

Richard Corben was one of the contributors of elevating the comics to the category of Art, and of its unparalleled style of great influence among many current artists.

Richard Vance Corben was born in Missouri, United States on October 1940, in a family of farmers in the middle west ( where he started reading comics), and lived in Kansas City. There he studied Fine Arts, got married, had a girl and started working in local cinematography animation company. At the same time, he started to create and publish some underground fanzines. From the begging it was clear that he was interested in science fiction, eroticism, and total rejection of institutions ( the Army, the Church, etc), mixed with a lot of humor.

At a young age, Corben was an aficionado of bodybuilding, just like everyone who was interested in a persons aesthetics. The first character that he created, was Rowlf, a dog who took on a human form. In the beginning of the 1970s he amplified his work ( and his fame) in some underground magazines. And in 1971 he started working for the Heavy Metal publisher where he created one of his most famous characters, Den a large muscular man, who was always naked, and always after some adventure.

Corben has a very particular style, with unsettling mixture of caricatured, often satirical grotesque and intense,convincing realism. Never before had such wildly cartoonish worlds proved so convincing.

Also he can handle an exponentially higher standard because of his ability to use colour to show the effect of light on whatever he’s depicting. The way that he mixes light and colors in certain panels to differentiate those elements from each other, is something to admire.

Corben worked in a few mainstream comics, he always preferred to work with authorial works or working in specific themes like fantasy and science fiction comics and not so much on superheroes.

But probably the most famous mainstream comic that ever worked was the character Hellboy, along with writer Mike Mignola.

Hellboy is a series of comics that has a lot of mysticism, Norse mythology, horror and monsters. Something Corben certainly agreed to do, without thinking twice.

Richard Corben is one of my favorite artists, with a style that is perhaps not as realistic as an Alex Ross for example, but the humor and beauty that he puts in his characters is very unique.

Corben died on December 2, 2020, leaving a great legacy, for the world of comics and arts, with a very unique style and extremely stunning worlds.

Charlie Allard 

Charlie Adlard is a British comic book artist, who have worked on the comic industry for over 25 years. He spent the majority of his time since 2003 working in The Walking Dead along side with writer Robert Kirkman , until the last issue on 2019 He started reading comics when he was very young, and he said that he was very lucky to have influences of American comics and the more high art, such as Asterix and Tin Tin. He was fascinated by European comic books artists like Moebius, Alberto Uderzo and Herge. He started his career as many British artists and writers, working on 2000 AD, with characters such as Judge Dredd, Armitage and eventually Savage. In the United States he started working with the X Files, Astronauts in trouble, and of course The Walking Dead. Adlard started in The Walking Dead from issue 7, and brought a slightly different style, from the previous artist. Adlard's art is very cartoonish, but the universe of The Walking Dead still doesn't get silly because of it. Quite the opposite, the dirt and rot that Adlerd puts on his characters and the world, only sustains what a horrible world it is to live in. Many readers complain about Adlard's style, being very simple, that his characters are very similar, and sometimes it is difficult to identify them. But I believe that although his style does not vary much, when it comes time to show a horde of zombies, a devastated city, people feeling despair, and extremely disturbing scenes, Adlard manages to excel. Adlard's main tool is ink. All The Walking Dead magazines are in black and white, and he manages to give a lot of depth to the scenarios and characters using only a few ink stains. Today Adlard is doing some comics, mainly for DC, but says that he does not intend to work with Kirkman and zombies again, because he wants to explore other themes, and to innovate his drawing skills.

Zaha Hadid

Zaha Hadid was one of the most important and well known figures in contemporary architecture and design. With a singular trajectory, marked by a versatile, bold and out of the box style, she was the first woman to receive Pritzker Prize for architecture and was also the only female representative honored by the Royal Institute of British Architects with a golden medal. Zaha Hadid was born in Iraq, more precisely in the city of Halloween, in Bagdá, in the year 1950. Her family was of high class, her father being an important politician and her mother an artist. Still young, she traveled and studied in other places of the world, like London and Switzerland, but it was in her native land the she got her first formation, when she graduated in mathematics. At the age of 22, in 1972, she enrolled in one of the most famous independent schools of architecture in London, and there she gave the starting point to her career by studying and creating an important connection with the Dutch architect Rem Koolhaas, a figure that encouraged her and opened the doors for opportunities. Later in the 1980s, Zaha Hadid decided to open her own office. This, Zaha Hadid Architects was born, which made her name and talent recognized worldwide. Known for her works with futuristic lines, clean and pure forms, as well as the fragmentation of architectural design. Her projects and discussions raise issues that put architecture and its future to the test. This is because the architect seeks in her works to interrelate design, architecture and urbanism. I knew Hadid and some of her works, but it was the recommendation of my teacher Lauren, that I should look for this architect. As my project takes place in the future, she recommended that I look at some works by Zaha Hadid to get inspiration when creating the scenario for the comic. I find it very interesting how her works have this futuristic aesthetic , because it reminds me of science fiction films like Blade Runner with those skyscrapers and buildings with different shapes and sizes that are extremely imaginative that could only exist in films. With unique works and projects, famous for their exuberance, futuristic elements, curves, non linear shapes, distortions and fragmentations, Hadid inspired and generated fascination both for her constructions around the world.

Syd Mead

Syd Mead was a designer, best known for working on films such as Aliens, Blade Runner, Tron and Star trek. Mead was born in Minnesota, United States, on July of 1933, but five years later he moved to a second house in the western of United States prior to graduating from High School in Colorado in 1951. Some years later, he did the Art Center School in Los Angeles, where he graduated with great distinction in 1959. He was immediately recruited by  the Ford Motor Company. At Ford he worked in the advanced styling department, creating futuristic concept car designs. But his imagination went beyond cars and he began to imagine clothes, helmets, buildings and scenery from hyper advanced civilization. After Ford, he also worked in other big companies like Chrysler, Sony and Phillips. After that he started migrating to the concept art world of movies. Mead is really important for generation of writers of science fiction, because many of them were influenced by Mead’s colorful paintings. Mead never wrote a novel or short story. He imagined the future in his mind and turned that imagination into illustrations. In 1979 he designed the extraterrestrial spaceship for the first film “Star Trek” in the cinema. Ridley Scott called Mead to design the buildings and flying cars of the futuristic Los Angeles “Blade Runner” in 1982. In 1986 he was hired to design the space station and vehicles of the movie Aliens directed by James Cameron. Almost at the same time, the designer created the electronic world of “Tron” for Disney studios. The same ones who hired him in 2014 to design the futuristic city of “Tomorrowland”. Mead died in 2019 after three years of lymphoma, he was 86 years old. He was a great influence for many designers and science fiction writers and illustrators, due for his creative worlds and automobiles , Elon Musk quotes Mead as one of his major influences, on visions of the automotive future and design in general.

Transmetropolitan by Warren Ellis and Darick Robertson 

Transmetropolitan is a comic written by the British writer Warren Ellis and the American illustrator Darick Robertson, published by the Vertigo label, and falls within the cyberpunk genre, and the problems that rampant technology will cause us.

Throughout the 60 issues of Transmetropolitan, Ellis and Robertson build a chaotic and brilliantly alive future, presenting a sci-fi society with a peculiar mix of elements of cyberpunk, political dystopias, bioengineering and transhumanism, sexuality, economics and much more.

In a dystopia, in a not so distant future, the journalist Spider Jerusalem is isolated for fiver years in a hut in the forest, but he has to return to the city to earn some money.

Throughout the comic, amid a nihilistic aura that humanity has no salvation, the author- Warren Ellis - criticizes the consumerism and futility. The illustrations, of Darick Robertson, is full of excesses as the environment should be, a brand of the style of the 1990s.

The search for the truth is the central theme of this work, and in the midst of all this we found ourselves in a investigative odyssey that involves the lowest scum of that society ( thieves, murderers and rapists) until reaches the highest of the scum ( the presidency).

This background allows the work to touch on the most profound social themes, and without fear of saying what needs to be criticized, this is where Transmetropolitan shines, and provoke deep reflections on issues such as racism, the influence of media, the power of religions, the education, and many other themes.

In short, Transmetropolitan dissects and criticizes everything, it points out the flaws, the lies and the hypocrisy of each one. It’s a study about the problems of democratic society in the 21th century.

Jon Mcnaught 

Jon Mcnaught was born in 1985, London, England. He work with drawing comics, and work as an illustrator, printmaker and lecturer. After spending several years on the Falkland Islands during his childhood, which will inspire his second book, Pebble island. The book pass years after the war, where he tries to recreate his childhood, with aspects of his curiosity, when he was exploring abandon bunkers, where it was just part of landscape, or somewhere where he could play. His work has essentially been landscape print-making (often situated in the city), but with quite simple intention of capturing the sense of space, light, time etc. His work is mostly about that, places that he was interested in depicting, and trying to reproduce the visual. He want the characters to feel like elements of a landscape or an environment ( he preferes to focus more on the background, than the characters itself). But usually he uses figures and postures to suggest expressions rather than close ups showing facial features. What I like about Mcnaught's work is that they are simple designs, but the colors are very vivid. The way he constructs the scenarios is very invective, because it doesn’t need to be extremely detailed, he just needs a few lines to show what he is talking about.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

Goals

Ravnica is a big city. Ravnica is the Big City. The biggest, craziest, strangest, wildest, most awe-inspiring city ever built. It yields to no one, not even the Living Guildpact. They have power, yes, and their words carry with them the most powerful magic on this plane; but only within the written laws that have been in place for thousands of years. Ravnica is not a sandbox for Jace to mold to his will; it is a living, breathing organism that Jace is charged with looking after. Not to keep bullying the Mind Mage, but he has a pretty poor track record of doing a job that effectively boils down to “stay in one place and read books”.

At its core, Ravnica will always do what Ravnica has done for millennia. Mainly claw and scratch for any advantage in the ten-way Tug-Of-War that has been raging since the Guilds first found the end of a rope. The game never ends and never will. Temporary alliances can cause certain Guilds to pull together against other Guilds for a time, but the game always goes back to every Guild making snarky comments about the others eventually. In desperate situations against seemingly all-powerful new threats, the Guilds can put aside their differences to pull together for a time, but always with the understanding that once the threat is over they will all take their places again and resume where they left off. This can be frustrating for players used to or even enthralled by the idea of becoming the Savior(s) of the World.

Ravnica is not something that can be fixed because it doesn’t need to be. Barely-constrained chaos is and will always be the natural order of things. The Azorius Senate will come up with new laws. The Boros Legion will fight. House Dimir will poke its head into other people’s business. The Izzet League will invent. The Gruul Clans will resist. The Golgari Swarm will farm. The Simic Combine will experiment. The Orzhov Syndicate will scheme. The Selesnya Conclave will grow. The Cult of Rakdos will party. Your characters are never going to change any of these things, and that’s all right. Your goals should never be to change this world into something besides what it already is. Doing so would take away the fun of this crazy world.

So let’s talk about what kind of goals you, your characters, and your campaign should shoot for.

Short-Term Goals

If you’re just doing a Ravnica One Shot, or even if you just don’t know how much people are going to able to commit, Ravnica is full to the brim with possibilities. Literally, you can just draw Ravnica-themed MTG cards into a hand and piece together a story from whatever you get.

In these circumstances, your goals can be fairly short-term. Find someone/something, retrieve someone/something, stop someone/something, fight someone/something, do it, have a drink & celebrate. Your character goals can be as simple as just doing their jobs (Azorius maintaining order, Dimir finding information, Selesnya preserving life, Gruul rebelling against authority, Rakdos having a good time, etc). If you want something more personal, finding a connection between each of the party’s Guilds and the target is not only easy but fun to write.

The thing that makes Ravnica such a fun campaign atmosphere is the same thing that can make it frustrating; constant conflict. Any two Guilds can have a thousand reasons not to like each other, or, alternatively, a thousand reasons to work together. It can be differing Guild lifestyles, differences in opinion, shared interests, shared passions, old debts, past favors, or just trust/distrust in an individual. No two Guilds are required to get along, but at the same time, no two Guilds are required to hate each other. If your party has an Azorius Lawmage and a Rakdos Blood Witch, they can be at each other’s throats or they can be old friends who took different paths somewhere down the line. Your Guild is a choice, not a fate. Jace the Mind Mage was raised by Gruul. To this day, he still wears their tattoos.

*Be warned, once you’ve realized the unlimited possibilities this affords your character, you’re gonna want more.

Mid-Range Goals

If your group wants to commit to a longer stay in Ravnica, then it’s time to really flesh out your character and where they stand. It may even be necessary to retcon your characters into another Guild at this point, or begin a storyline to switch over. Anything can be fun short-term, but if you’re determined to go 6-12 levels in a Guild, you’ll want to be sure they are a good fit with your character. All ten of Ravnica’s Guilds come from Magic The Gathering’s 5-color wheel, coinciding with each possible two-color combination, meaning each Guild has common ground with others, but also important distinctions.

The Azorius, Boros, and Orzhov all have law & order as a central theme, but very different interpretations for it. The Azorius Senate write laws and prioritize order, whereas the Boros Legion enforce the laws but prioritize justice. The Orzhov Syndicate value neither and work to subvert each to their own ends.

Both the Simic Combine and Izzet League are built around creativity and invention. However, the Simic are much more rooted in biological (aka, walking, breathing) science, such as the Krasis iconic to their Guild. The Izzet are much more theoretical in their experimenting, endlessly curious to try something to see what will happen. They like playing with elements and physics. Simic experiments are long-term commitments, Izzet are spontaneous bursts of inspiration.

The Gruul, Golgari, Simic, and Selesnya Guilds all have a foundation in the natural world. Their interpretations of such are where the differences come out. Selesnyans build their lives around nurturing and revitalizing nature, while the Combine seeks to improve upon it. The Golgari apply the natural order to everything, including themselves, becoming a walking (possibly shambling) depiction of the plant life cycle in action. Life & death intertwined in an almost infinite cycle. And the Gruul Clans, while once the caretakers and preservers of Ravnica’s natural environments, have over time had those duties diverted from them into the Simic and Selesnya Guilds, leaving them to ferociously preserve the few untamed wilds Ravnica has left after 10,000 years of urbanization and to oppose any attempted encroachment on it from ambitious developers.

The Cult of Rakdos and Gruul Clans are both chaotic, violent, and revel in opposing authority. The Gruul do it out of anger and fairly justified resentment towards the city while the Cult does it literally for shits & giggles. Strangely enough, the savage rock-smashers can have more complexity to them than the daredevil street artists.

House Dimir and the Orzhov Syndicate both thrive on their dealings outside the law and under the table. Strangely enough, while both claim it’s just business, only House Dimir really stick by that code. They are the true embodiment of Neutral Evil, willing to stealing from anyone (including their own Guild members) for the right price. The Orzhov Syndicate, on the other hand, will exploit any loophole they can devise to avoid doing anything they don’t want. While the Dimir know to never be found near the scene of a crime, the Orzhov’s preferred method is to negotiate, lawyer, or bribe their way out of any & all consequences, and call themselves innocent. They are the literal worst.

Orzhov, Golgari, Rakdos, and Dimir all offer assassination services. The distinction comes from whether you want to send a message, erase an undesirable, make a spectacle, or never get caught; respectively.

For new players still learning about Ravnica, a distinct adventure focusing on each Guild is a great way to get comfortable with the setting. It helps how distinctive each Guild is from all the others; your players will quickly learn the differences between a Selesnyan Healer, a Simic Healer, and a Golgari Healer (Hint: one’s organic, one’s bioengineering, and one’s necromancy). By the time you’ve hit all ten, you should have a good foundation for the state of the city worked out for the campaign. Keeping all ten Guilds in line is an adventure all its own, just ask Jace Beleren. There’s always something going on.

Alternatively, you can aim for stopping plans originating from a single Guild. This city has a group for everyone, no matter how strange their beliefs, and the winds of change stop for no one, so taking down one problem is extremely unlikely to stop the higher purpose. There will always be another, bigger, problem. Bring in a spy, his handler steps in. Stop the handler, the cell leader gets involved. Defeat the cell leader, a cleaner gets called. Expose the cleaner, Assassins riding Nazgul descend upon thee. Kill that, and you become a problem for the entire organization.

The BBEG for a mid-range campaign can include a Guildmaster. Depending on which Guildmaster that is, the amount of preparation that will be required to triumph can range from “a shit ton” to “a fucking deus ex machina”. Regardless of Challenge Rating, they are going to be hard. If you think Zegana, Prime Speaker is going to battle without her personal entourage of gigantic Krasis, you are dead in the water. If you think Lazav the Multifarious will be a pushover once he has nowhere left to hide, you are falling right into his trap. If you think you can beat Borborygmos, Mightiest of the Mighty, by flying out of his range and chucking spells at his low AC, there’s a rock with your name on it. If you think Trostani, Chorus of the Conclave, are just a trio of singing tree-worshippers, they live inside the biggest sentient tree in existence.

If you think Niv-Mizzet is just a Dragon or Rakdos is just a Demon; you deserve the humiliating death they bestow you. Honestly, you want to do everything you can do avoid fighting those two if your campaign isn’t planning on going all the way. They are both top-tier monsters; manipulative, intelligent, durable, moody, and terrifyingly powerful. Even worse, they’re smug and masters of gloating. Beating a smug bastard feels awesome, but getting wrecked by them SUCKS.

Long-Haul Goals

If your party is determined to see a full campaign through start to finish, the stakes get bigger. To maintain conflict and challenge all the way to level 20, the threats reflect the amount of power you will be wielding. The Big Bads you are facing will be attempting to upset the chaotic status quo that has existed in Ravnica since its creation. If the Living Guildpact is around, someone is probably trying or has succeeded in killing/replacing them. If the Living Guildpact isn’t around, war has likely broken out in the streets. One Guild may be making a vie for power that will finally give them a conclusive edge over the other Guilds in the endless tug-of-war. Two or more Guilds may be pushing to eradicate several other Guilds whose antics and constant interference has been getting in their way for too long. Or an outside invading force may be materializing on Ravnica’s doorstep with the goal of either subjugating or erasing Ravnica itself. It’s the end of the world as we know it, and that’s not fine. Anything strong enough to challenge a planet-sized city of ten armies on their home turf is going to be, by necessity, seriously nasty.

The Living Guildpact makes for a good MacGuffin. It’s something supremely powerful but also complex enough to develop over a long period of time. They are the most powerful being on Ravnica, but becoming the LG is not as simple as poisoning Jace Beleren’s tea and taking unlimited power from his corpse. Going by the lore, losing one Guildpact will likely necessitate another Maze Run to choose the next. If you want to homebrew another method of transferring the power to an usurper, other problems present themselves. A rogue LG means nothing if the other Guilds refuse to comply. The power of the LG comes directly from Ravnica’s laws. They do not make the laws, they are the force that makes specific laws unbreakable. The process of putting new laws into effect requires the compliance of a recognized representative from every single Guild. Any would-be LG will need powerful influence within each of the other Guilds to make any creative changes to the Guildpact. They can’t just grab a Tom, Dick, or Sue from every Guild and make them say “you’re the Guildpact, Big Bad”. You’re looking for lieutenants powerful enough to be problematic on their own.

If your Big Bad is one or more Guilds going rogue, something will need to happen to upset the stalemate that’s existed among the Guilds for 10,000 years. If the angels of the Boros Legion could just kill Rakdos the Defiler, they would have done it 10,000 years ago, believe me. But not only have they failed to kill the Demon Lord of Riots, they have signed into an agreement with him & his in the name of actual peace. Some Guilds may be more inclined towards Big Bad behavior than others, but every Guild has the capacity to be the Big Bad.

A Big Bad Azorius will basically look like the Roman Empire.

A Big Bad Boros will basically be the Rapture. And/or the Crusades.

A Big Bad Dimir will look like 1984.

A Big Bad Golgari is a zombie apocalypse, plus Medusa.

A Big Bad Gruul is a Mad Max Thunderdome post-apocalypse.

A Big Bad Izzet is whatever Niv-Mizzet has been plotting towards for the last 16,768 years. Think The Matrix, but instead of machines, a Giant Ancient Dragon Wizard.

A Big Bad Orzhov is basically the Spanish Inquisition.

A Big Bad Rakdos is Rakdos actually acting like a Demon Lord.

A Big Bad Selesnya is the armies of the Elves & Ents from Lord of the Rings, and you’re the orcs at Saruman’s tower.

A Big Bad Simic is literally Godzilla.

Taking on something of this scale is going to require your character(s) to draw on every relationship they’ve built within every Guild. Whatever personal goals you might have started with are likely resolved; now you fight for Ravnica’s survival. You are fighting to restore this pain-in-the-ass city of constant conflict to the same barely-functioning status quo it started with. Because by now, you’ve kinda grown attached to it. The thing that makes Ravnica so good at drawing new players in is the fantastic variety of philosophies, lifestyles, and personalities that make up the city. It’s confusing to start, yes, but once you’ve been around long enough, a sort of natural order starts to become apparent. You stop seeing any Guild as good or evil and start seeing them as just different paths for people to take. As crazy as it might seem sometimes, the city works. It may not be perfect, but it will never be boring.

[tabloidtoc]

OK, March 15

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Britney Spears' revenge

Page 1: Big Pic -- Melissa and Joe Gorga during a beach day in Miami

Page 2: Contents

Page 3: Contents

Page 4: Tiger Woods on the mend -- Tiger is counting his blessings as he recovers from a terrifying car crash

Page 6: Queen Elizabeth announced in a statement that her grandson Prince Harry and his pregnant wife Meghan Markle wouldn't be returning as working royals, noting that it was no longer possible for them to continue with the responsibilities and duties that come with a life of public service, and almost immediately, Harry and Meghan shot back with a seemingly rude reply, saying we can all live a life of service and service is universal -- no one was more disappointed in Harry's response than his brother Prince William and William finds this behavior both baffling and sickening and he can't get his head around it and William feels the family has been understanding and fair while Harry and Meghan continue to sit on their high horse flinging insults and from William's perspective there is simply no excuse for snide and ego-driven swipes made towards the queen -- especially right now, since three days prior to Her Majesty's statement, Prince Philip was rushed to a London hospital and the queen's been worried sick about her husband and should not be dealing with this added stress -- the whole situation has left William feeling hopeless and he fears Harry is too wrapped up in his own self-importance to see the hurt he's caused and that is unforgivable in William's eyes

Page 7: As Soleil Moon Frye's messy divorce drags on, a loyal pal from the past is providing a shoulder to cry on in Brian Austin Green who she reconnected with while shooting her upcoming documentary Kid 90 -- Brian can feel her pain because he's still hashing out his split from Megan Fox so he knows exactly what Soleil is going through -- they've been friends for more than 30 years and they're going to see each other through this tough time

* Tom Cruise got all pumped up for Mission: Impossible 7, but now that filming has wrapped, he's desperate to stay in fighting shape for the next installment -- Tom was thrown for a loop when the studio postponed filming M:I 8 instead of shooting the movies back-to-back so now he's putting himself through the wringer doing crunches, pullups, squats and weights but Tom's brutal, military-style workouts have friends and loved ones, including his rumored new girlfriend, M:I7 costar Hayley Atwell, worried that he could be pushing himself to the breaking point and everyone wants him to take it down a notch, but he won't listen -- physically, Tom still thinks he's invincible, but the fact is he'll be turning 60 in less than two years and if he keeps going at this pace, there's a big change he's going to do some serious damage

* Life has been twice as nice for Christine Quinn since she found out she was expecting -- the Selling Sunset star, who's pregnant with her and businessman husband Christian Richard's first child, isn't holding back when it comes to treating herself -- the famously free-spending realtor has been splurging on designer maternity clothes and lingerie to lounge around in at her L.A. mansion and she has flowers delivered daily for every room in the house

Page 10: Red Hot on the Red Carpet -- stars rock statement-making halter dresses -- Lili Reinhart, Camila Morrone, Brie Larson

Page 11: Chrishell Stause, Naomi Campbell, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Page 12: Who Wore It Better? Uzo Aduba vs. Drew Barrymore, Charlize Theron vs. Kaia Gerber, Bella Hadid vs. Naomi Scott

Page 14: News in Photos -- Steve Martin did what he does best while filming scenes of his upcoming mystery-comedy series Only Murders in the Building in NYC

Page 16: Nicole Scherzinger stepped out for lunch with beau Thom Evans in West Hollywood, a casually dressed Reese Witherspoon matched her shirt to her Draper James canvas tote while boarding a private plane in L.A., Paris Hilton and Carter Reum

Page 17: Rebel Wilson stopped by the gas station to fill up her car in L.A., Mariska Hargitay took a selfie while shooting Law & Order: Organized Crime in NYC

Page 18: Sarah Jessica Parker assisted customers at her eponymous shoe line's store in NYC, Chrissy Teigen at lunch at Wolfgang Puck in L.A., Naomi Osaka with her trophy for winning the Australian Open in Melbourne

Page 20: The Masked Singer panelist Jenny McCarthy in a golden tiara and caped dress before taping a new episode, for a recent date night Outer Banks stars Chase Stokes and Madelyn Cline whipped up a cozy plant-based dinner in L.A., Jason Sudeikis filled up on a sandwich on the set of Ted Lasso

Page 22: Bella Hadid strutting around Manhattan, Helena Christensen and her dog Kuma in NYC

Page 23: In partnership with Ziploc Janel Parrish created the Hot Mess Makeup Line in Vancouver, Cara Delevingne in Puma's new eco-friendly line

Page 24: Usher stopped by the dry cleaners West Hollywood, Padma Lakshmi and her pooch braved the cold weather in stylish jackets in NYC

Page 25: Tia Mowry for Late July Tortilla chips, four days before filing for divorce from her husband Kanye West of nearly seven years Kim Kardashian looked somber while out and about in L.A., during a stroll Busy Philipps stopped to check out something on her phone in NYC

Page 26: Scott Disick matched his 'do to his drink at the Sugar Factory in Miami, Justin Long stocked up on groceries in L.A., new couple Mod Sun and Avril Lavigne were inseparable after a date night in L.A.

Page 28: Inside My Home -- Claire Holt's airy abode

Page 30: Zooey Deschanel and Jonathan Scott have taken the next step in their almost two-year relationship: they've secretly tied the knot -- they've been talking about getting married for about a year and just decided to go for it and the intimate ceremony took place in front of a few family members at Jonathan's Las Vegas home on Valentine's Day and it was spur of the moment, but that's how Zooey likes to do things and now Jonathan too and they put it together in a matter of days and everyone got a verbal invite to come -- Zooey wore a Bohemian-inspired gown and flowers in her hair while Jonathan wore an all-white suit and Zooey serenaded Jonathan with a love song she had written -- guests including Jonathan's twin brother Drew Scott and sister-in-law Linda Phan were treated to a gourmet buffet and video and arcade games -- now the couple's eager to grow their family and Jonathan will be a great stepdad to Zooey's children Elsie and Charlie but he's been saying for months that he can't wait to have kids of his own and they've already started trying

Page 31: Blake Lively and husband Ryan Reynolds are one of the most charitable couples in Hollywood and now the big-hearted duo are ready to take the next step by adopting a baby in need -- Blake and Ryan who share daughters James, Inez and Betty have donated millions of dollars to organizations working to protect the rights of immigrant children separated from their families and awaiting deportation -- day by day they've been warming up to the idea of providing an orphan with a forever home -- Ryan jokes that Blake is a baby machine who would have no trouble getting pregnant again, but their hearts really go out to these kids

* Ever since Bridgerton became a monster hit, the sizzling chemistry between Rege-Jean Page and costar Phoebe Dynevor has fans convinced that they're an offscreen item as well, but Rege-Jean's girlfriend Emily Brown is fed up with keeping their real-life romance under wraps and she's starting to feel like Rege's dirty little secret -- Emily has been dating Rege for two years and shares a home with him in East London -- the show's producers have been happy to let the rumors about Rege and Phoebe fly because it made their steamy sex scenes that much more believable -- Emily, a part-time soccer player and copywriter from Manchester, loves to go to pubs and party, which she and Rege used to do before the show came out -- Rege insists that keeping their relationship on the down-low is no big deal, but Emily wants everyone to know that the hunky Duke of Hastings is spoken for

* Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher have got the parenting thing down pat, and they're ready to share their know-how by penning a how-to manual -- their friends have been begging them for advice for years and Mila and Ashton make having kids look like a fun adventure and for them, it really is -- now that Ashton has wrapped up shooting his new thriller Vengeance, he and Mila finally have a little downtime and the handbook will include the duo's dos and don'ts for raising their children Wyatt and Dimitri like they never argue in front of the kids and make sure to treat them equally -- Mila's the stricter one and Ashton's the softie, but it's a team effort and it works and they admit it can get a bit chaotic, but they don't sweat the small stuff

Page 32: New parents Kit Harington and Rose Leslie may be in baby heaven, but they're dealing with the home renovation from hell -- the Game of Thrones alums, who recently welcomed their first child, have been up to their ears fixing up their 15th-century country manor, which is turning out to be a huge money pit -- Kit and Rose bought the $2.4 million spread shortly before tying the knot in 2018 and had no idea what they were getting into and the couple got hit by sticker shock when they finally got their plans approved to put in a new kitchen, master bath, pipes and flooring and it's going to cost them an extra half a million at least -- they still think it's the perfect place to raise a family, but overseeing an army of builders and designers with a newborn at home is leading to some serious sleep deprivation

* As Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles' romance heats up, the couple is planning a heart-to-heart with her ex-fiance Jason Sudeikis -- after filming wrapped on their movie Don't Worry (for the love of all that's holy, please put in a comma) Darling, the lovebirds flew to London to meet with Jason, who's been on the set of Ted Lasso in England because Olivia, who shares two kids with Jason, wants to clear the air and have a calm conversation about how everyone moves forward from here, and she wants Jason to realize that Harry is here to stay and Olivia needs Jason to understand this is a serious relationship, whether he likes it or not

* Baby Boom -- these celebs recently welcomed little ones -- Wilmer Valderrama and fiancee Amanda Pacheco welcomed a baby girl, Kansas City Chiefs QB Patrick Mahones and fiancee Brittany Matthews welcomed a daughter named Sterling Skye, Mandy Moore and Taylor Goldsmith welcomed a son named August Harrison

Page 34: Cover Story -- Britney Spears fights back -- she is ready to reclaim her life and she's looking to take down anyone who stands in her way, starting with her father, Jamie Spears

Page 36: In the wake of the #FreeBritney movement, Justin Timberlake who dated Britney Spears from 1999-2002, and publicly insinuated her cheating ruined their relationship, took to Instagram to offer a mea culpa, saying he wanted to apologize to Britney who he cares for and respects and he knows he failed -- he also contacted Britney directly to express his regrets over how he handled their breakup because he wanted to do the right thing and Britney accepted his apology and she was touched by the gesture and thought it was absolutely sincere and they had a nice little chat and it made Justin feel better knowing that Britney didn't hold any grudges

Page 38: They're So Grown Up -- the kids of some of Hollywood's biggest celebs are striking out on their own -- Ava Sambora is the daughter of Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora, Maya Hawke is the daughter of Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman, Damian Hurley is the son of Elizabeth Hurley and Steve Bing

Page 39: Lily Sheen is the daughter of Kate Beckinsale and Michael Sheen, Jack Depp is the son of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis, Lola Consuelos is the daughter of Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos

Page 40: Interview -- Dwayne Johnson -- with a new TV sitcom based on his early years, The Rock reveals all about his rollicking adventures growing up

Page 42: Slim Down for Spring -- how these stars got their best bodies ever just in time for the warmer weather

Page 46: Style Week -- Sara Sampaio is fronting Michael Kors' new campaign for its latest perfume, Gorgeous

Page 48: What's Hot Right Now -- break a sweat stylishly in LoveShackFancy X Beach Riot's limited-edition collection -- Nina Agdal

Page 49: Preppy Tennis Fashion -- Lele Sadoughi turns to '70s and '80s country club looks for its spring/summer 21 accessories

Page 50: Gift Guide -- self-care session -- pampering gifts that benefit body and mind because, hey, there's never been a better time to treat yourself -- Miranda Kerr

Page 52: Chrissy Teigen is a fan of affordable de-puffing and brightening holographic foil eye masks

Page 58: Buzz -- costars reunited -- Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay for Law & Order: Organized Crime, 13 Going on 30's Mark Ruffalo and Jennifer Garner reconnected on the set of their upcoming movie The Adam Project

Page 59: Rachel Bilson shared a snap of herself with O.C. costar Melinda Clarke, Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel who played a beloved couple on Boy Meets World starred in Panera Bread's new commercial for Valentine's Day, Rebel Wilson and Adam Devine of Pitch Perfect met up during Super Bowl LV game in early February

Page 60: Sound Bites -- Jennifer Love Hewitt on her night out with Betty White, Henry Golding on expecting his first child, Drew Barrymore on never going under the knife, Salma Hayek discussing billionaire husband Francois-Henri Pinault

Page 61: Tiffany Haddish on taking a chill day, Colin Jost on letting Scarlett Johansson plan their wedding, Cameron Diaz on whether she plans to return to Hollywood, Kehlani on feeling sexier as a mom

Page 62: Horoscope -- Pisces Connie Britton turned 54 on March 6

Page 64: By the Numbers -- Ana de Armas