#but it's gotta have a different impact on your brain right

[oscconfessions]

being a normally offline person in the osc is so difficult because i don’t understand what half you folks are yelling about. i’m over here still trying to figure out how this app works and i’m met with somebody’s college thesis on how the taco stole the ipad’s indigestion pills or something like that… oh jesus… it’s okay to feel frustrated over something you’re passionate about, look i understand. but if you keep engaging in all this gnashing of teeth, all you’re gonna end up with is a dentist bill AND less enjoyment for these passions of yours. i know it sounds counterintuitive, but you’re gonna have to get in the habit of ignoring all this baloney. because listen even i still catch myself letting internet strangers get under my skin sometimes. people have trailmix for brains these days thinking they’re gonna gain something from all that passing judgement… it’s INFURIATING i KNOW but you gotta remind yourself: this is the internet. it’s different from the real world, and if someone on here makes you upset then you don’t need to go through all that effort of confronting them, trying to prove them wrong because 1. they don’t give a rat’s ass what you think cause all they’re thinking is “me me me im right no one else me im right” these folks are STUBBORN i tell you what. and 2. it doesn’t matter. the fact that you’re upset matters of course, but the situation itself is Not going to have any impact on your real life whatsoever. there is no point in confrontation if it is not going to resolve the conflict. i’ll say that again. There Is No Point In Confrontation If It Is Not Going To Resolve The Conflict. i swear one day you’re gonna be like 70 sitting on your front porch in a rocking chair thinking to yourself “why on god’s green earth was i so ruffled about that” because none of this Truly Matters. if you start blocking and ignoring, it will be so much easier to just forget and move on. if you throw yourself into an argument, it’s just gonna be plaguing your memory, furthermore adding negative connotations to the things you enjoy. and it pains me to see people unable to properly enjoy things because they bunched their lettuce up over what some gaggle of boneheads rambled about. look, you are not here to prove yourself. you’re not here to prove anything. you’re not here to preach gospel. you’re not here to entertain anyone. and it’s okay to be wrong sometimes. sorry if none of that made sense i haven’t had coffee yet let me get my butt out of this bed🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️

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[copperbadge]

Immediate Writer's Block

Had a comment on another post where I thought I'd probably need more space than the notes in which to respond, so:

constant-state-of-self-discovery Oh I get the envy I feel it right now how the fuck do you manage to write without impassable writers block after 5-9 sentences because I haven't fucking figured it out lol

I do have some advice on this!

I think most writers get blocked from time to time, it's normal and my general strategy is just to wait it out, but if you're frequently blocked after only writing a very little bit, I think the problem is one of two things: either you don't know what you want to achieve with the scene you're writing, or you don't know what should happen next within the scene to achieve that goal. If you frame "I'm blocked" as "I don't have an answer I need" then often you move from just sitting there, sweating and staring at a blank page, to thinking productively about how you're going to get where you're going. It's the difference between not knowing an answer and not knowing an answer but knowing where to look for it.

An invaluable piece of advice for this, which I think I picked up from someone who got it off a National Novel Writing Month messageboard, is "When in doubt, ninjas attack." It's not meant to be literal, you don't need to have ninjas or fight scenes just because you don't know what to do, but it helps to get the creativity flowing again. If you don't know what should happen next, or you know but you're having trouble actually writing the scene, it can be very helpful to induce a moment of uncertainty or surprise -- to have a metaphorical ninja attack. One time I did this literally -- the POV character was just on the road somewhere and I didn't know how to get them from a pastoral country road to their actual destination in an interesting way, so I had them get attacked by highway bandits and have to fight them off, which also allowed me to demonstrate that the character had significant unarmed combat skills. But it can also just be like, two characters who are having a boring conversation can be interrupted by a third person, even just a stranger asking for directions, or there can be, IDK, an explosion, or something goes missing, or etc.

Sometimes it also helps to leave it alone but keep it in your mind and go do something else -- listen to a podcast, take a walk, read a book, not because those things are distracting but because all our inputs eventually feed into our brain and come out as reactions. If you're thinking about your book while you're wandering around a park, something you see in the park might have an impact on it. If you've got YOUR story in mind while reading someone else's, you might be more inclined to look at what they're saying and see what you think of it, how it might play into your work.

And honestly, sometimes you just gotta go past it. I'm working on the next Shivadh novel right now and it opens basically with Simon the chef getting into a spat with his love-interest-to-be over some cheese. He want the cheese, she won't sell him the cheese, so they get off to a very contentious start. But I suck at writing conflict especially when it's basically "A character I like is being pompous and another character I want people to find likable is being stubborn and somewhat unpleasant". I've been stalled on it for a while. But I know where the scene ends up, like I do know what the goal is, so I just...skipped it and went on to writing a scene I like better, where they meet a second time and actually discover each others' identity and that they're about to be forced into the grownup equivalent of a school project. Once I've gotten dug deeper into the story I'll come back and write it, and by then I'll have the benefit of knowing the love interest a bit better.

So yeah -- I think a lot of breaking a writer's block, especially when you don't need rest but are just stumped about what to do, is to twist and look at it from another angle. It's not that you don't know what to write, or don't want to write what you know you have to -- it's that you don't have the correct answer to a question, or you need to leave that part alone to ferment and come back to it later. At least, for me.

[apostaterevolutionary]

So I touched on this a little in my veilguard review, but this is one of the topics I wanted to talk about separately. And it’s that I think I've figured out what really makes an rpg great vs just not bad for me. This is really a preference thing, cause I know there's people who are the exact opposite on this. But for me, it's about the amount of personal involvement the player character has

Like why are you, as the main character, here? Why do we care about the plot that's unfolding? Is it just cause 'well, world needs saving and I'm here', that's not very interesting to me. It's too replaceable - any sufficiently valiant person could do this (even in a chosen one narrative, this is typically true). 'Wrong place, wrong time' can be fun if done right, but it's still eh to me. I like it best when the player character has some tie to the overarching plot. I want it to be personal because that opens up so many more interesting emotions

Dragon age has examples of both of these. Origins, despite the Warden canonically being replaceable, as we know all the origins happened, it's just only one actually survived, does have this personal element imo because it has Ostagar. Different Wardens might see this differently, of course, but you arrive after just barely being saved by Duncan. Everything seems fine until the big moment and then everything goes wrong - you're betrayed, from your pov, Duncan is killed, and you wouldn't survive this third near-death experience in a row were it not for Flemeth's interference. This, in the moment, feels pretty damn personal. No matter who your warden is, Loghain acts as a personal antagonist right up until right before the end, whereas while the blight situation is mostly a 'wrong place, wrong time' situation, that personal element plus the little moments you get that reference the origin events really make it work for me. It could have more, but it has just enough to make it really good imo

Of course, DA2 is so strong on the personal motive front that arguably the personal story is actually the overarching plot and it's just occasionally a wider-impact event creeps into it lmao but that's why it's my favourite game. Inquisition, on the other hand, while yes, you have the mark and are the only one who can close the breaches, that is the only tie you have to events. The inquisitor has no motive beyond 'well, world needs saving'. If the anchor had somehow been transferable, Cassandra quite frankly would've made a more compelling protagonist because of her devotion to the Divine. She had a reason to be there beyond just 'gotta save the world'. The inquisitor doesn't, they’re really just there because they have to be (and that’s also why I think their appearance in veilguard is pretty weak imo, but people with different views of their inquisitor will disagree there)

And I'm not comparing, rather just using an example, but bg3 I think has both options. For me, durge is much more interesting than tav cause, once again, tav is just some guy (gender neutral) who happened to stumble by at the wrong time and oops, brain worm. Even the emperor would've happily discarded them for another if it served his purpose. They're just there because they're convenient. That's not as fun to me as durge, who has an actual personal reason to be involved in this, even if they don't know it at first. It starts out as the same, generic motivation of 'get rid of the brain worm, try to save world if we can' (assuming a relatively "good" playthrough lmao, but for comparison's sake) but it later becomes something that is personal. You have a VERY direct involvement in the plot and it really adds something to it for me. That's the kind of flavour I seek 🤌 🤌 🤌

And veilguard is definitely more on the inquisition side where literally any heroic person could fill in for the protagonist (and tbf, I liked it more than inquisition), when I think what really would’ve brought it over the top for me would’ve been some act 2 Personalized Horror event to happen. Easiest option would be something related to the faction, like maybe one of the recurring NPCs ends up dying in some really hardcore way. It wouldn’t be that hard to implement imo because it could be roughly the same quest, just with tweaks to fit the chosen faction. Giving Rook a personal motivation would’ve really spice things up and give the factions more depth too. If you play as a warden, I think weisshaupt may have that affect (which is why my second run will be a warden lmao), but it would be nice to have something really devastating for the character regardless of faction

(And to be perfectly honest, if we were going to lose a companion anyway, having that happen in the middle of the game might have actually been spicier and really cemented Rook’s conviction while still having the regret prison concept work imo. It would mean missing out on a companion arc, but it’s another option at least)

This would also give an opportunity to really boost the companion relationships. Like the Bad Thing happens and then you get maybe a little scene with the current love interest, or even just some dialogue with each of the companions. Something with them being the ones to comfort Rook for a change. Cause all that remains is devastating, and the bg3 act 2 redemptive durge scene is wonderful, but it’s also the aftermath that’s really tasty. And having some sort of Personalized Horror for Rook would’ve given us an opportunity to have that moment of them being vulnerable, and the companions stepping up to help them. That really would’ve made the team feel good and cemented, like they really were a strong team

And again, I know this is a personal preference thing. I have a friend who struggles whenever a game has any kind of established background at all and thinks that bg3’s tav is the absolute perfect kind of rpg protagonist and I’m sure there’s plenty of people who agree and prefer the fully blank slate. Some people do prefer to just headcanon all of this rather than have it directly in the game. And that’s fine. But for me, that personal involvement and motive is the real special sauce for rpgs and I think that’s why DA2 specifically is the one that made me insane lmao. And I think if veilguard had’ve had that bit of personalized angst, I would’ve put it an entire bracket higher than I did. It would’ve fit really well imo and idk if it was something bioware ever planned for the game, but I, for one, really would’ve loved it

[late-to-the-party-81]

Who vibes for Vibranium?

AN: Have a little short and sweet, sort of cracky Stucky sexual shenanigans story. Enjoy!

Beta’d by @metalbvcky but all errors are my fault.

Likes are loved, reblogs are golden

Mood board by me and dividers by @firefly-graphics

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Master list | Stucky Bingo Master List

Summary: Steve likes to be indulged. It's a good thing Bucky likes to indulge him. Even if he's a thieving little big brat sometimes.

Relationships: Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers

WC: <1k

CW: AU: Not Canon Compliant, teasing, suggestive dialogue, Super-Soldier sexy shenanigans, discussion of impact play, discussion of bondage, Steve Rogers is a little shit, Soft Top Bucky Barnes, Bratty Bottom Steve Rogers, Fade to Black.

Bingo Fills and Challenges:

@stuckybingo I4 - Vibranium

“Come on, Buck. It’ll be fun.” Bucky pulled a face at Steve’s wheedling tone. He wasn’t convinced.

“Fun? Just sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.”

Steve sidled up to him, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s waist, looking into his eyes and doing his best Little Shit ™ pout. “Don’t you miss being able to hold me down. Like really stop me from moving.” Steve nuzzled into Bucky’s neck and Bucky let out a huff. 

“I miss it,” Steve continued, letting his teeth scrape over Bucky’s throat. Bucky closed his eyes and tried to think of the Presidents of the United States. “I miss feeling all helpless under you.” Steve’s fingers slipped up under the back of Bucky’s shirt and started to draw light patterns over his skin, making him shiver. “One vibranium arm can only do so much and I can’t work out a way for you to use my shield to help.”

“Steve,” Bucky cautioned. “This isn’t really a conversation about informed consent if you’re trying to get my dick to make the decision and not my brain. It’s cheating.”

Steve raised his head with a grin. “Is it working though?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, knowing he’d already lost the fight. “You’re such a punk, you know that?”

“But I’m your punk, and you love me.”

“Unfortunately so,” Bucky agreed. “Now, if you wanna do this, first you gotta hand ‘em over.”

Steve let go of him and practically skipped across their apartment. How a 6”2’ supersoldier could move like that Bucky didn’t know, but he couldn’t say it wasn’t stimulating to watch. It was also kinda cute, the way that Steve was getting giddy at the thought of doing something ‘kinky’. 

As two queer guys who’d grown up in the 30’s, neither were strangers to things that were nowadays termed as kinky, but no matter how long they’d been together, and how many different things they’d done, Steve was always enthusiastic, as though it was his first time, every time. 

When Steve returned from his little sojourn into his study, he was practically vibrating - ha! - with energy and he passed over his new toy with a grin.

“Do I even wanna know where you got these from?” Bucky asked. Of course this was the question that made Steve look a little embarrassed. His neck flushed pink and his left hand came up to brush over the hair at the back of his head. 

“I - uh - may have found them in the cache of recovered HYDRA hardware that Fury keeps in the upstate warehouse.”

“Steve Rogers,” Bucky let out, teasingly. “Are you telling me that you - the great and righteous Captain America - stole these Vibranium handcuffs?”

Steve startled “No! Not stole. Just - umm - borrowed.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow and Steve had the good grace to look slightly cowed. “I mean - we might give them back?”

“If they help me beat your ass without struggling to keep you still they are definitely not going back,” Bucky retorted, failing to get the right tone of authority into his voice.

“You promise?” Steve asked slyly and Bucky shook his head in mild disbelief at his bratty boyfriend.

“The fucking audacity,” he said to no-one in particular, and then “Get in that bedroom, Rogers and strip. You’re getting ten for your cheek, and if you aren’t ready when I get in there, then it’s an extra ten.” 

“Oh no,” cried Steve with faux despair. “Whatever shall I do?”

“Nothing, if these work.” Bucky took a step closer, drawing himself up to his full height, despite that being two inches less than Steve’s. It had the desired effect though - science might have taken Steve out of his little body, but it hadn’t taken the memory of being in that little body out of Steve. Steve shrank down, now reacting to Bucky’s domineering aura. “You’ll do nothing except cry those sweet tears as I turn your ass red because you won’t be able to get away from me. You won’t be able to stop me. Now - do I have to tell you again? Get in there and strip.”

Steve turned, scurrying into the bedroom as fast as he could with his cock doing its best impression of a flagpole between his legs. 

Smiling to himself, Bucky looked at the cuffs, inspecting them and working out how they opened and closed. The last thing he wanted was for them to get stuck, even if the thought  of Stark being mentally scarred for life having to come and help remove them was amusing as hell.

“Time to see if these work,” he muttered to himself, before calling out “Ready or not, here I come.”

Over an hour later

“Yup,” Bucky said with a smile as he stretched out. “Those definitely work.”

Steve groaned and buried his head into Bucky’s side, while lying on his stomach. “My ass is on fire,” he complained.

Bucky sniggered. “Quit your whining, you big baby. You only have yourself to blame. And you’ll be all healed up in an hour. Two, tops.”

As Steve huffed against him and threw an arm across his stomach, Bucky picked up the cuffs from where he’d deposited them after removing them from Steve’s wrists. He turned them over in his hands, pondering.

“I wonder,” he said, “if we got a metal footboard whether these would magnetise strongly enough to it that I could use them to keep your legs apart…”

Steve let out a moan that wasn’t entirely one of despair. “Buck, let me recover before you start trying to turn me on again.”

With a smile still on his lips, Bucky leant over and places a kiss to the top of Steve’s sweaty head.

“Love you, punk.”

“Love you too, jerk.”

Tag list: @christywrites, @alexakeyloveloki, @doasyoudesireandlive, @galactusdevourerofworlds, @crayongirl-linz, @mightstill, @nicoline1998enilocin, @km-ffluv, @wheezy-stucky, @kmc1989, @kombatfather1796

[bonefall]

post/734733274896809984/do-you-ever-worry-your-own-writing-might-come-off that makes sense. i was asking because i'm afraid of accidentally writing misogyny myself and i kind of admire what you do

Hmm... I wish I had better advice to give you on this front, but honestly, the only thing I can tell you is to consider the perspective of your female characters.

Women are people. They have thoughts and feelings of their own, so like... just let them have their own arcs. A lot of the worst misogyny in WC comes from the way that the writers just don't care about their girls (or, in the case of tall shadow, actually get undermined and forced to rewrite entire chapters), so they're not curious about their lives, or WHY they feel the way they do or what they want, or any direction for their character arcs.

Turtle Tail as an example. She'll often just end up feeling whatever Gray Wing's plot demands. She's gotta leave when Storm dumps him to make him feel lonely. She shows up again to love him in the next book. Lets her best friend Bumble get dragged back to Tom the Wifebeater, but is sad enough about her death to be "unreasonably angry" with Clear Sky, and then calms down and accept Gray Wing is right all along.

And then she dies, so he can have his very own fridge wife.

In this way, Turtle Tail's just being used to tell Gray Wing's story. They're not interested in why she would turn on Bumble, or god forbid any lingering negative feelings for how she didn't help her, or even resentment towards Clear Sky for killing her or Gray Wing for jumping to his defense. She isn't really going through her own character arc.

She does have personality traits of her own, don't misunderstand my criticism, but as a character she revolves around Gray Wing.

So, zoom out every now and then, and just ask yourself; "Whose story is being told by what I wrote? Do my female characters have goals, wants, and agency, or are they just supporting men? How do their choices impact the narrative?"

But that's already kinda assuming that you already have characters like Turtle Tail who DO have personalities and potential of their own. Here's some super simple and practical advice that helped me;

Tally the genders in your cast. How many are boys, how many are girls, how many are others?

And take stock of how many of those characters are just in the supporting cast, and compare that to the amount you have in the main cast.

If you have a significant imbalance, ESPECIALLY in the main cast, fire the Woman Beam.

It's a really simple trick to just write a male character, and then change its gender while keeping it the same. I promise women are really not fundamentally different from men lmao. You can consider how your in-universe gender roles affect them later, if you'd like, but when you're just starting to wean yourself off a "boy bias" this trick works like a charm.

Also you're not allowed to change the body type of any girl you Woman Beam because I said so. PLEASE allow your girls to have muscles, or be fat, or be old, or have lots of scars. Do NOT do what a cowardly Triple A studio does, where the women all have the same cute or sexy face and curvy body while they're standing next to dwarves, robots, and a gorilla.

Or this shit,

If you do this I will GET you. If you're ever possessed by the dark urge, you will see my face appear in the clouds like Mufasa himself to guide you away from the path of evil.

Anyway, you get better at just making characters girls to begin with as time goes on and you practice it. It's really not as big of a deal as your brain might think it is.

Take a legitimate interest in female characters and try not to disproportionately hit them with parental/romance plots as opposed to the male cast, and you'll be fine. Don't think of them as "SPECIAL WOMEN CHARACTERS" just make a character and then let her be a girl, occasionally checking your tally and doing some critical thinking about their use in the story.

(Also remember I'm not a professional or anything, I'm just trying to give advice)

[ganondoodle]

i know i said i wouldnt be ranting about totk anymore, but i realized i didnt really count the sage dungeons as story (dont ask me why) so i thought im gonna write a better summarized version of my opinion about totk (i have around 60% of the game, all lightroots, not yet all shrines (missing like .. 20 or so, know the reward), not all krogs (dont know the reward), not all mayoi (half know the reward?) )

(in no particular order)

good stuff (in my opinion)

the. MUSIC! god the music is good, it was good in botw too but now with much more different bosses it really is probably one of my fav soundtracks of all time (most fav are all three phases of the end fight, the pre-fight to that, the build up one before all of those, Frosgeira (wind tempel boss) the glorious mASTER KOGA and more tbh)

the build up and end boss fight(s) are fantastic, i dont think im ever not gonna have my heart racing when approaching it (despite now skipping almost the entire way bc i set a teleport thing right before it) just bc the build up is so well made and the music(again) is such a banger and the fight(s) itself is so fun too, tbh i keep wanting to play it just bc its so fun

i LOVE how many themes play into the music (endfight alone had so many layers, fav probably is ganondorfs classic theme and calamity ganons both in the same piece among much more, and daruks theme in the fire temple)

(edit) YOU. CAN. TOUCH. DA. DRAGONS!!!!

ganondorf

ganondorfs design (x3)

ganondorfs weapon designs

ganondorfs voice (japanese)

everyone elses voice (japanese)

all voices (german)

thE YIGA!!! i love everythign about them and am so happy they got to be more than just some mini mission

(edit) also the fact that they get zonau tech to work without any special ghost powers is so ????

(edit) koga can summon and use zonau tech unlimited?? hes so cool

NO stealth mission!! (as far as im aware)

bosses are very different from each other

main dungeons are not too short and not too long and mostly fun (mostly bc i personally didnt like the gerudo one), i love that you can still somewhat cheese them and do them your way

sages felt like they got a bit more involved

(edit) you gotta do more stuff before getting to the actual dungeons and i really like that, feels less like a fetch quest but that you are actually helping

(edit) each sage is actually there in the dungeon and is required for it, which is great!

each settlement saw a much bigger danger/change (tho that has more impact if you have played botw) and its problems felt much more real

shrines are well varied tho i think overall a little easy (only got stuck on two so far and later solved them easily bc when i first started them i was tired and exhausted, no brain left lol)

NPCs felt less flat + more bigger sidequests that felt like they had more impact

cool new monsters + designs

the underground was pretty appropiately creepy

the sages abilities are neat

you can refight bosses!!

stable points system is a neat way to encourage you using them

weapon fusing is neat

(edit) the forest of the krogs being corrupted like that is both creepy and a neat nod to oot

(edit) the vai gerudo outfit being gone!! (one) evil has been defeated

(edit) the health bar going so far off the middle in ganondorfs second phase is honestly just funny hnjdfdjk unfortunate that you only need the master sword and with a few perfect dodges his health melts like butter in the summer

(edit) the music when dragondorf transforms sounds so sad .. its probably meant as a oh no world is actually ending sad but i like to think of it as a oh god what did he do to himself sad

the scene where rauru seals ganondorf kinda fruity

(graphic, animations and the overall world is still fantastic)

bad stuff (in my opinion)

everything zonau they feel forced into every bit of the world and its history (i know them being somewhat alien is intentional but not like that) it feels crammed into places they werent before and shouldnt be and it makes it all feel very artificial

the glyphs/dragon tears/memories really ruined alot for me, while it gave you insight as to what happened, it felt like it showed you too much and too little at the same time and i think it would have worked better if it was all in text for once if even at all, so the past stil stayed a mystery and youd be left wondering

timetravel .. really wasnt necessary and felt more like an excuse to get rid of zelda + make her the poor little sacrificial girl again + and to make her turning into a dragon as tragic as possible, like nothing but a stepping stone to the big reveal tm

shiekah tech being not just fully irrelevant but practically erased, wiped off the world (i know about the literally last guardian parts in hateno, it feels more like an oversight tbh, purah technically using it ... tho i dont think she ever calls it that, the purah pad is jsut the sheikah stone but worse), there being no good explanation, no remains, nothing as to why it would suddendly stop working and why even the titans and ESPEICALLY the shrine of life would be destroyed, if anything why wouldnt you enshrine it as a memento to history it was such a focus in botw and so well integrated into the world that it being fully gone, not even old overgrown, or visibly reused to build homes etc., or remains of how they built the og shrines in the underground feels like a HUGE missed opportunity (seriously it would have been so easy to make the ancient shiekah base their tech on old zonau tech, without stealign the gocus but buildign a connection)

all of the continuity problems, totk feels like botw didnt happen and the excuse of 'they didnt want to confuse new players' doesnt make a lick of sense in my eyes bc; its supposed to be a sequel, if you want it to be a standalone game then dont call it a sequel- if you start to play a game with the sequel instead of the first part its your own damn fault if you get confused; if anything, it would have been a good opportuntiy to make people interested in botw so theyd buy and play that one too

ganondorfs character is very flat, you basically get to know nothing about him (yuno even calls that out midgame but its never elaborated upon nhgfrdfhkk)

the zonau and their kingdom of hyrule is presented as this so perfectly good thing to such a degree it turns creepy, the end cutscene with mineru going poof was kinda uncomfy to watch tbh

the reward for all shrines being essentially a reveal as to who the hero in the tapestry was and it being, of course, some weird half zonau is the lamest answer to a mystery i didnt want an anwser too, it doesnt feel like it came naturally either (again my point of the zonau being forced into everything)

the shrines (zonau) feel so much more unnatural than the shiekah shrines, alien in a bad way and not in a good way + really are like a bad reskin of them, their sudden appearance and use is so much less logical

back in botw i was doubtful of if the shiekah tech wasnt going to far too modern tech and cause it all to feel like a bad mix of modern tech and medival fantasy, but they balanced it perfectly (tho the eponator zero was very much the limit imo) but the zonau tech .... oversteps that line i think, it really does feel, more than anything else, that it was just bc they wanted the stuff to be in there bc it might be fun to play around with, im not against that kind of stuff mind you im all for fun, but it feels a little like they thought of a box with endless stuff to play with first and a zelda game second (if you get what i mean)

quite a few quests or things in the game seem like they are more and then end in a dead end (the worst of all is impa saying she wants to go research what could help zelda turn back, and i was excited and convinced that shed give me a quest to find some mcguffin that would do that after i beat ganon but there wasnt anything you could actually do; less bad one but disappointing nonetheless the dongos were mentioned and treated like this big awesome thing from alot of NPCs all around the map and then when you find them they are bascially just gem vending maschines)

the way zelda turns back and link gets his arm back is incredibly unsatisfying, none of them even have something like a scar, or mark from it all, zelda spent thousands of years as a dragon (a transformation that was said to cost your soul but i guess that wasnt true) and link had his arm bascially eaten by miasma and he gets it back like it was never lost, zelda returns all intact as if nothing happened, getting blasted by some magic tm by two ghosts that were supposed to be long gone is the solution to all problems!!

(edit) link losing an arm wouldnt just be super intersting but also lend itself well to lead up into the next game where his prothesis is the focus and source of abilities

(edit) zelda got done so dirty, instead of her actual interests and character to shine she just gets shoved into yet another crisis surrounded by strangers in a world that looks like hers but isnt, and all she does is beg the ancient sages to swear to help link and sacrifice herself again (can you call that fridging? bc she sure feels like she got fridged) i like zelda and i dont like how much i didnt care about her and tbh im angry at the game for that

(edit) both link and zelda not even slightly changing in the years btween botw and totk kinda boring, like a haircut can only do so much

(edit) sonia really is the wife that dies to make husband sad thing isnt she? i get that gan had to get his hands on an enigma stone but i feel like there had been better ways to do that, the fact that she dies that easily is almost funny honestly, why does ganondorf even have weapons when he can just one punch people to death (tho i find it funny to imagine he can literally just kill people in one punch but hes too prideful to do it most of the time so he always uses weapons to look more cool)

(edit) so many new characters that you barely get to see or interact with, i really ... couldnt get myself to care much

(edit) zonau tech being so irrelevant to the games story while its also the focus is .. weird, its really just play doh for the players and nothing else honestly

(edit) monsters mining sonanium feels strange bc ... they dont do anything with it? the best thing i can think of is that they were told to do that so link cant .. upgrade his battery thignies? but then again you could just destroy the mines and remaining constructs to stop it .... also you really dont need anything zonau tech related to beat gan?

(edit) ganondorf beign so utterly uninterested in their tech is weird considering how he dealt with shiekah tech (and we KNOW it can get corrupted) he should be a tech nerd tbh

my twitch VoD of the first time beating the game getting muted at the credits despite me talking over it

nitpicks (in my opninion)

(edit) ganondorf should have a bit more of a boar inspired design, as treat, i think

(edit) the enigma stone wandering back to ganondorfs forehead even after transforming is? weird? i guess an excuse for da epic last stabby but still? (how cool would it have been to have to plunge into his mouth and break it there or something)

(edit) the underground gets a lil old after a while, the fact that its pretty much the same everywhere aside from some .. very strange flowing magma is a lil boring

(edit) ganondorf could have gone way more crazy with abilities and all that, imagine hed spwan multiple miasma arms on himself when you get him to a certain level of health

(edit) i miss unique weapons, there arent even normal axes around anymore, everything is about fusing really, i miss the cool shiekah tech weapons

(edit) the forest of the krogs being largely irrelevant is kinda weird

(edit) mineru being the sage of spirit still is kinda meh, the robot is neat but i thought tauro or purah would be the surprise sage tbh

(edit) the bosses were a little easy (i did boldo gohma rather early and did it without even getting hit)

you cant talk to koga normally :(

you cant find koga again after the last fight :(

you cant refight him (to my knowledge) :(

i find it very strange that yuno seemingly lost daruk shield, despite him having inhereted it in botw

the sage powers are not .. very great integrated, while its fun to haven them run around and help you fight, to actually use their powers you have to chase after them, something that in the heat of a battle is very annoying to do, constantly activating the wrong on or them losing their charge up when they get knocked over is like trying to herd a wild pack of geese while a three headed dragon is shotting laserbeams at you

some widlife just disappearing all of the sudden is very strange (like the rhino in hebra)

some new houses or settlements would have been cool, that the material things at the sides of roads are really only for you to play around with and not to build anything that lasts

you cant fight ganondorf (non dragon, even the dragon is locked to that evening sky) in the sunlight, night or rain, i would have loved to fight him at various times of day

their refusal to show any kind of blood is honestly turnign serious scenes into very awkward ones, sonia just getting punched and she dies with not even like, losing some spit from the force or something, or the fact when you defeat ganondorfs second phase he acts mortally wounded but doesnt even look scratched is just :/

amiibo stuff while neat being included its really mostly just bloating your inventory, if i wanted 5 vaguely different link outfits then i would have gotten the amiibo for it

why hide the -now-totally-not-phantom-ganon-armor- behind such a long questline and then .. have that NOT be upgradable

they put in a house building thingy and then not let you have a roof or a tree or something :(

at some point stable points jsut get you more and more of those free staying over night tickets that i maybe used .. once at the very start and now its just accumulating in my inventory

only one new horse coat pattern :(

satori now only being a thingy that shows you caves is kinda boring, i loved the mystery around it in botw (additionally, that it shows you caves you have completed already kinda sucks)

the end of the shrines isnt that cool anymore, speaking to a mummified monk that gives you essentially his last remains of life energy is so much cooler than a statue of the oh so awesome god king and his wife

the many references and reuse of old names is neat but together with timetravel etc. it easily leads to confusing and fighting among fans for who is more 'right' and its just .. tiring

(edit) considering how much of the advertising was about the sky islands i wished there were more and bigger ones, the underground (that was a little one sided after a while, it all looking the same rly) could have been alot smaller if the sky was bigger instead

(edit) i wished there was more of a sense of .. lost life in the ruins you find, from all races, the ancient ruins are jsut some bridged and ceremonial stuff and i wished there were more like .. houses, like people actually lived there and it not being all around beign a platform for you

(edit) the fact that the half zonau hero exists mean either rauru and sonia had kids but those were clearly not important enough to ever show nor mention, or there were other mixing of them before they all mysteriously died out the fact that the ancient hero was half zonau means their genes survided till then but somehow it never came up? the tapestry still exists and impa and purah say like its a well known fact that the hero looked like that (not at all close to any modern species) when you talk to them while wearing it (the fact that the hero armor thingy is very reminiscemt of ganondorf is like some backtreading bc we were theorizing about the hero having been ganondorf once and they wanted to stop that .. but the more funny thing is the HC of its a descdendet of rauru and ganondorf nhjdfknhdgkfnhkfd) (edit to add to the HC; the game being a big battle about child support is funnier than it should be idk if nintendo knew what they were doing adding details like that)

all in all it just feels like missed opportunities, lost potential, and more a game build around some game mechanics they really wanted to get into than telling a neat story, espeically so bc they called it a sequel, most of my complaints wouldnt be there if it was some alternate thing instead

i probably forgot stuff but if i think of more i will add them later with a little note that it was added in an edit (sidenote, i find it funny how much more nuance that whole conflict would get if rauru and ganondorf were bitter exes bfdrjfbdfndk)

[cinderellaenjoyer]

She's A Literal Monster! - Chapter 1

Decided to write a bit of my Ruth-Max Swap AU! Starting from 'Literal Monster' since I don't think HSIKM would change much. Sorry that this is kinda short btw.

Ruth Fleming. A name so simple, yet struck fear into the hearts of every student at Hatchetfield High. A girl who was small in size, but made up for it by being terrifying, impressively strong and Star Quarterback of the Nighthawks. A girl who PJ had given up trying to tutor after she'd snapped her glasses in half. A girl who ruled Hatchetfield High with an iron fist.

A girl who had once been Richard Lipshitz's best friend.

"Hey! Lipshitz!"

Richie winces at the sound of his last name being said, though he doesn't quite register who had said it.

"You can just say my first name, you know-" he starts, turning around, only to see Ruth standing directly in front of him, Jason and Kyle close behind her. "Oh, Ruth." His voice changes to a mumble, as he stares at his former best friend turned bully.

"It's third period, Lipshitz!" exclaims Ruth, a hand on her hip. She and Richie haven't been on a first name bias since Freshman year. "I've gotta get to Maths. Meaning I've gotta walk through this hallway, and I don't need you stinking it up." She gestures to his under arm, causing embarrassment to rise up in Richie's chest. Ruth knows he had overactive sweat glands.

"Sorry, Ruth, my mistake," says Richie, gripping his arm. "I never intended to walk through your hallway."

Ruth tuts. "Oh, well, there's a difference between intent and impact. I learned that in the anti-bullying assembly last month, bird-brain!" She glances at Jason and Kyle, her right hand men. "What do ya think, boys? Should I, uh, let him off with a warning?"

"Ha ha, yeah!" exclaims Jason Jepson. He's not exactly the smartest of the trio of jocks, as Richie has gathered. Ruth looks at Jason, annoyed.

"No, dumbass!" snaps Ruth, causing Jason to go still. "I think for this hallway infraction, I'm gonna have to issue a shove-it-ticket."

Richie's eyes widen with fear. "Oh, no, Ruth, please-" he begs, stepping back. "Can't you just make fun of my outfit or something?"

"Sorry! I don't have any constructive criticism about your horrible layering!" Ruth giggles. "I think I'm just gonna have to SHOVE IT."

With that, Ruth shoves Richie to the floor, using the strength she's accumulated through football. Richie lands on his butt, luckily mostly unhurt. He stares up at Ruth, hurt and anger in his eyes.

"Now move along, loser!"

Richie does as he's told, running out of the Hallway as fast as he can, not daring to look back at Ruth as she high fives Jason.

[truths33k3r4]

CHAPTER 23 - Laughter Doeth Good

The bright lights of the Living Room caused Leo’s dilated pupils to contract as he stepped out of the shadows of the hall. His feet sensed the difference as he walked from cold, grainy tiles to the scratchy carpet. He released a long, weighted sigh as he plopped onto the couch centered in the middle of the room. Tiny creaks of aged springs whined as he went slack into the cushions. His eyes closed slowly as he focused on clearing his rapidly moving thoughts.

‘.. Everything’s… fine. Raph is with Lotus. Don is scanning the implant. Everything is just- 

OH SHOOT! ‘

Leo grabbed his phone from its pocket on the back of his shell and texted Raph.

[ If Lotus is still awake, have her take some painkillers. There should be a jar of them in one of the cabinets in the Med Bay. Her leg is going to be sore for a while ]

After hitting [ SEND ], something clicked in Leo’s brain: 

His shoulders slightly ached from how tense he was back in the Med Bay. His eyes still stung as the moisture dried on his skin. The shaking had FINALLY stopped.

He was exhausted.

“ …. I guess one nap wouldn’t hurt. “ He mumbled, as he nestled himself into the couch’s cozy, warm embrace. Not only did the stress leave a toll on his body, but also his mind. It was taking a lot of his emergency reserves of energy to slow it down. But as his mind raced, his body stilled. His muscles finally relaxed as his pounding heart from earlier faded into a quiet hum in the cushions of the couch.

‘ Sleep will help… ‘ 

Leo’s mind slowly hollowed, becoming as quiet and empty as the room itself. His eyelids smoothly shut as he released the urge to stay awake.

“.... Hey.. Bro? “

Leo minisculely flinched at the sudden interruption of his precious silence. His face slightly twisted in discomfort, burying itself into the cushions.

“ Mmmghhhmmm???.... “ He groaned.

Leo heard the light patters of feet as they drew closer, and then shifted as a weight fell onto his couch with another groaned squeak.

‘ Mmmmmmmikeyyyyyyy please not nowwwwwwwwww… ‘ He mentally begged to his youngest brother. However the only sound that actually escaped Leo was a muffled,

“ MMmMgmgGhghhhHGHHHHHhhhhhikey~ “

A beat of silence passed as Mikey twisted and fidgeted on one end of the couch, while his oldest brother was fighting every single cell of his body screaming at him to GO TO SLEEP.

“... Hey, Leo!.. “ Mikey shout whispered as he waved his phone, “ Dude, you gotta see this- it’s pure gold- I’m gonna have Raph doin my chores for a month~ “

Leo groggily opened one eye. ( Since his other was too busy being shoved deep into the couch cushions.. )

“ Mmmghhwhat isss itt Mike?.... “ Leo moaned. It was becoming more and more difficult to keep his eyes open..

Mikey’s focus shifted from his excitement of his brotherly victory over Raph, to actually taking in how Leo looked:

 Awful - He looked awful. Below Leo’s eyes peeked a deep grey through the blue of his mask. His hands slumped limply by his legs as his head would start to lean and then jolt back up just as his eyes would close.

Even despite Leo’s battle to stay conscious, he could still see the tiny gears turning in Mikey’s head.

‘................ He’s not gonna leave… Something is on his mind….. 

..OKKKKKAYYYYYY… ‘

In one violent motion, Leo pulled his limp head out of the embrace of the cushion and slapped his face. His cheek stung from the impact and started to feel warm as the area grew red. Mikey watched with wide eyes as his oldest brother assaulted his own face.

Leo knew if he hadn’t looked so bad, and hadn’t had as awful of a day, Mikey would have been dying laughing right now. 

Leo pushed himself away from the warm cushion and leaned over, supporting his chin with his knuckles as his elbows rested shakily on his knees. 

“...What’sss - what’sss on your mind, little brother? “ 

Leo knew what he was doing. Was he exhausted? Oh ABSOLUTELY. Is the couch calling to him in an enticing melody? Yeah it really was- He could hear like four different harmonies singing in his brain- 

.. But no matter what..

.. Leo would always have enough strength to support his brothers.

Mikey’s eyes were still full of empathy- and Leo could see him trying to decide if he should say something; If it would be fair for him to speak to Leo in the dreadful state he was in.

 Leo decided to make his decision a little easier.

“ I’m all ears, little brother. “ He softly spoke as he reached out and patted Mikey’s fidgeting hand.

The youngest’s eyes filled with gratefulness as he let out a shy smile. 

“ I’m..uh.. I’m sorry I wasn’t much help.. back in the Medbay.. “ He spoke as he continued to play with his fingers and nails, “ .. I don’t think Lotus digs any of my jokes… “

Leo’s eyes shined with his tired smile as he gently punched Mikey’s arm.

“ I thhhhink it’s more of your VOLUME that she doesn’t ‘dig’. “

Mikey rubbed his bicep, as he let out a somewhat shameful snicker. 

“ Heheh… Yeahhhhh I don’t think I have a volume control button. If I did, Raph woulda found it by now.. “ 

Even after hearing his little bro joke, Leo could still see that Mikey was resisting telling or asking him something. 

Leo squeezed his hand.

Mikey turned over his hand and held it in Leo’s, squeezing a little back. The youngest let out a sigh as his left leg started rhythmically bouncing. 

“ I could tell you were stressing like crazy, dude. Your stress chasm was -like- HUGE. “

Leo sheepishly stroked the side of his temple as he felt his cheeks grow warm.

“... I guess… I guess I thought a little humor would help… but..I guess I’m not actually that funny.. I just- I guess- I wanted to help!! Maybe calm Lotus down.. Just like you guys would do for me when we were little. A little comedy goes a long way when you’re goin through something scary.. “

Leo thought back to the years when Mikey was terrified of the dark. There were countless nights when Leo would wake up to the sound of sniffles, finding little Mikey out of bed crowded next to their nightlight in the corner of the room. No amount of light was ever enough for him. It had to be the full-blown SUN in order for him to not be afraid. Master Splinter was thankfully able to find the nightlight, but he would still gently scold Mikey for leaving his bed.

‘ “ You must not be afraid, my son. It is safe in our home. Whether it be day or night, our home remains the same..

 ..The darkness only holds as much power as YOU give it. “ ‘

..Unfortunately.. logic can only go so far in the mind of a six year old.

One night, as Mikey was brushing his teeth, all his older brothers came together and had a little meeting…

“ - GUYS, I SWEAR TO FOUR CHEESE PIZZA - IF I DON’T GET ONE NIGHT OF GOOD SLEEP, I WILL MAKE MIKEY SLEEP IN THE TUNNELS. “

“ Raph, chill. We aren’t doing that. “

“ On the contrary, eliminating the source of noise will most likely enhance our sleep- “

“ - DONNIE. “

“- Oh I’m sorry- but the facts do speak for themselves! “

“ Ok, so what’s YOUR plan then, LEOOOoo? “

“... We gotta show Mikey that the dark isn’t that scary. “

“ Thank youuuu~ Captain Oblivious~ “

“- Obvious. “

“- SHUT UP, DON. “

“ - Guys stop. Ok- what can we do.. to make a six year old not be afraid.. “

Later that night, their plan was set in motion.

Sensei had just finished tucking everyone in. Well- he tucked Mikey in- the other brothers were a little too old for that now.. ( Though all of them wouldn’t outwardly say it, but they missed it. ) As Sensei said goodnight and clicked off the lightswitch, all the brothers could hear the sounds of a stuffed animal being squeezed tightly, letting out a choked squeak. The brothers all took this as the sign to begin Mission- ‘Make Mikey Not Afraid of the Dark so We Can All SLEEP’.

As Mikey clutched his stuffy to his chest, he could hear the sounds of footsteps and a ladder wobbling. Soon after, three pairs of eyes rose up from the railing of the youngest’s bunkbed. 

“.. Bwothers”? … “ Mikey squeaked.

“ Nah- it’s the boogeyman- “

“- RAPHAEL! “

“ Hehe~ Sorry- sorry- ahem.. We’re here to help, lil bro. “

“ That’s right Mikey. We’re all here. “

All of Mikey’s older brothers slowly crept their way into his bed. Mikey flung out of his blankets and hugged Raph tightly, as tears began falling down his face.

“- Heyy heyy. No tears. “ Raph whispered as gently as he could, pulling the youngest’s face away from his chest.

“ Mikey, “ Leo whispered, as he scooted a little closer, “ We have a little surprise for you. “

“ …. Uh.. *sniff* a suwpwise? “

“ Yes, dear little brother. “ Don spoke as he fixed his oversized oval glasses. “ We couldn’t help but notice you find fear and anxiety in the thing called darkness. “

Mikey buried his face back into Raph’s plastron. 

“ .. It’s scawy and I can’t see!...”

Raph patted Mikey’s head half-heartedly and pulled him away again, this time lifting him up into Leo’s lap.

“ It can be scary, yeah. But the dark can be really cool too! “

Leo couldn’t help but smile down at his little brother as his small lip trembled and his eyes grew big and pitiful. 

“ Look at this, Mikey. “ Leo handed the youngest a small plastic star with a weird feeling on the back of it. It was glowing. Mikey’s eyes lit up as he played with it in his tiny hands. He’d never seen something like this before!!

“ It’s gwowing!! “

Leo smiled at Raph and Don. The plan was working!

“ That’s right little brother. “ Don said, “ But the only reason that you can see it glowing is because it’s dark. You wouldn’t be able to see it shine if it were in the day. “

Leo lifted Mikey and handed him to Raph, and then Raph plopped him down next to his pillow. 

“ Watch this! “ Raph said as he, Leo, and Don all slid down and jumped to the floor. Mikey moved to the edge of his railing and watched closely. As Leo, Don, and Raph all went to their beds, the youngest could see color-coded stars shine brightly from the backs of their shells. They were glow in the dark stickers!!

“ Ok, Mikey, “ Don spoke up as he took off his glasses and placed them on the side table by Leo’s bed, “ Any time you get scared, and think you’re alone, just look at the stars on our shells. It will remind you that we’re right here. “

To prove the point, Leo, Don, and Raph all began dancing in the dark, making the little stars on their shells dance too. They bounced and shimmied and spun all around the room resulting in a loud chuckle from Mikey. He pointed to each star swimming in the darkness.

“ Wed! Bwue! Puwple!!! Hehehehe!! “

:MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

~

Leo smiled at his brother as the memories washed over him like an inviting wave, then were swept down the stream of his mind.

“ It’s alright, Mikey. I get it. You were only doing what you thought would help. Humor can be great to heal, like that saying that Sensei taught you.. Uh, how does it go again? “

Mikey lifted his head and scooted back into the couch giving a small grin.

“ It’s laughter doeth good like medicine. Proverbs 17:21. “

“ Yeah that’s it! You worked for weeks trying to memorize it. I remember any time you said “ doeth” your tongue would stick out! HAHA!! “

Mikey’s grin grew into his signature smile as he elbowed Leo in the ribs.

“ DUDE, I WAS LIKE SIX!! SHUT UP!! “

At that moment, the room that was once peaceful and serene erupted with roars of laughter as Mikey launched over the couch and piled on top of Leo. The brothers tussled, testing each other’s strength as their arms and legs kicked and yanked.

A wrestling match between siblings was nothing new in their home. Splinter would have the brothers attempt to pin each other down, using any of the allowed techniques they were taught. Not only was it good for training, but for a single father of four teenage boys, it was a great way to drain any remaining energy at the end of the day.

After only a few measly minutes, Leo and Mikey found themselves on the floor, squeezed between the couch and coffee table. They were still laughing as they panted and coughed from the rigorous expelling of their energy. 

Leo’s body still ached, but it was a good kind of pain. Like the kind you would feel after running a marathon: adrenaline coursing through your body, a flickering burn in your chest as your heart beat rapidly, and a pit in your stomach all happening at the same time. 

Leo crawled back onto the couch as he gasped in between breaths. 

“ You’re… getting stronger, little brother.. ”

Mikey remained on the floor, also panting, and dramatically waved his finger in the air.

“.. Not- guh- Not so little anymoreee~ I’m thirteen now, so.. phew.. No longer a kid!! “

Mikey’s hand flopped back down landing with a *slap* on his plastron.

“.. What you see before you.. Is the peak of maturity.. “

Mikey expected a sass-filled comeback from the oldest, but.. Nothing came. Mikey started to worry a little by his brother’s silence- until he heard something.

Leo was snoring. Loudly. 

‘ WHOA DUDE- Had no idea you could hide a lawnmower in your face..’

Mikey sat up to inspect his now slumbering brother, taking note of the deep lines making themselves known under his mask again. 

He knew how much stress Leo put on himself. Not only as the leader of their team, but as the oldest brother. Sensei had told Mikey that that kind of weight was healthy for someone who carried as much responsibility as Leonardo did. It kept him from being foolish, always weighing his options and never becoming arrogant.

Always on his toes.

NEVER at rest.

Mikey looked over to his brother once more, whom was now curled up on the end of the couch, nearly suffocating himself in the clutches of the cushions. 

Mikey smiled. He watched as all of life’s burdens and responsibilities fell off of Leo’s shoulders as he was pulled deeper into sleep. Where once a tall, strong leader stood, now laid an exhausted teenager.

Leo channeled everything he had in him to keep his family safe. This ongoing burden changed him as he grew.

Molded him.

Sharpened him.

Where dull, rounded edges of fun and naivety once were, now stood as pointed corners of honor and understanding. Of fear. Of protection. Sensei was the iron that scratched and tore through his smooth exterior to reveal the steadfast facets of Leo’s jeweled heart.

The thing about having a jewel as a heart though…

.. It comes at the cost of your freedom. It comes at the cost of not having the choice to have fun and live as if life were the same as when you were a child. The burden will weigh you down, as a golden chain around your neck. It brings honor. It brings a sense of duty. But Mikey would question if it was all worth it to Leo; needing to grow up.. so fast…

Looking at Leo would always make Mikey doubt if he would ever reach the level of maturity and honor as his oldest brother. 

‘ Leo wasn’t even that old!! He’s SEVENTEEN!!! And yet the oldest has never failed to keep his family saf- ‘

Mikey’s mind froze as it flashed him back. 

Back to that awful night.

When Don and Raph…

.. were gone.

That's it for this chapter!! :) Hope you enjoyed!!

To God be the glory!

( EDIT- Mikey's eyes in the second panel are inspired by @allyheart707's Mikey!! ) :)

~ Melissa

Masterpost <- PRIOR CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER ->

[ellitx]

heyy same anon who asked the teachers day ask but another scenario popped into my brain lolz gotta ask ya

how would Venti feel having a tsundere s/o ? would he find her cute when she'd cross her arms and go "hmph"

Im assuming this will be outside of the teacher au?

If it is, venti might get drained and a bit hurt from your harsh words (even tho he knows you really didn’t mean them). He’ll be tolerant at first with your arrogant attitude but eventually he’ll drift apart to give you space if he deemed that his presence annoys you.

Of course you begin to worry why venti was avoiding you. Although you’re trying to approach him, he’ll hide.

Multiple flash of thoughts begin flood over his head.

Why are you looking for him?

Are you angry with him?

Or… did you miss him?

As much as he wants to hope for that, he shouldn’t put too much hope in it. After all, you did say you didn’t care for him at all when he teased you for watching over him when he was drunk.

This was tiring. Maybe it was a bad idea to be with you. He’d surely miss your pouty lips and red cheeks by his constant teasing.

Venti heaved another sigh and took off his beret. As he was about to shut his eyes, a strong pull woke him up from his daydreams and he was met with familiar eyes.

There you were, kneeling before him, panting heavily. Your brows are knitted together and he can see your worry and concern.

“[Name]…?”

“Why…” you slouched, still trying to take as many as oxygen as you can for your empty lungs. “Why are you avoiding me?” You breathed out.

“Huh?”

Venti gasped when your nails dug onto the fabric of his cape. “Why are you avoiding me?” You repeated again, but this time slowly and gentle. It was far more different from the usual tone he hears from you. It was surprising but calming. His heart fluttered both from your question and soothing voice.

“I wasn’t really avoiding you,” he uttered. Eyes shifting from elsewhere but you. And though he wasn’t directly looking at you, your glare was harsh and icy that cold sweat was gathering over his palm.

“I thought you didn’t want to see me anymore.” He clarified. Your eyes widened with disbelief. In that vulnerable moment, all the confusion and misunderstanding started to unravel.

"What? Venti, no," you whispered, your grip on his cape loosening. The hurt in his eyes broke your heart, realizing the impact of this misunderstanding. "Why wouldn’t I want to see you?"

His gaze met yours, the vulnerability in his eyes mirroring your own. “Because you’ve been so cold and hot tempered when I’m around and I just thought you didn’t like it when I’m with you.”

At his confession, your mind formulated and pieced everything together. He was avoiding you because of your harsh words.

“I-I’m sorry…” you aplogized. Your hands dropping back to your lap and clutching your pants because of how stupid you are to notice this so late. Your words are nothing for others, because they already know your personality and tend to be so cold when you actually care for them.

But for venti, it’s different for him. You’ve been so careless, acting carefree when he’s been hurting for so long because of you. Because of your cold attitude.

A wave of remorse washed over you as you realized the impact of your actions on the bard. The playful banter that you thought was harmless had wounded him deeply. You never intended for your words to cause pain, especially not to venti, who had been nothing but kind and caring toward you.

"I never meant to hurt you," you murmured, your voice laced with genuine regret. "I'm sorry if my actions made you feel that way. I've just been struggling with my own emotions and didn't want to burden you."

Venti sighed softly, his expression softening as he understood your perspective better. "Communication is a two-way street," he said gently. "We both need to be honest about how we feel and what we need from each other."

You nodded, appreciating his understanding. "You're right. I should have been more open about what was bothering me."

He offered a reassuring smile. "It's okay. We're working through this, and that's what matters."

You both sat in the quiet, the weight of the previous misunderstandings lifting. It was a step toward healing and strengthening your friendship. As the conversation continued, you realized that you should’ve been more honest and open. It may be difficult to drop off that cold attitude, but for him you were willing to make amends and be more considerate of venti’s feelings.

[year2000electronics]

i gotta say, despite your brozone world tour fanfic being VERY much an au it's probably got the best written brozone dynamic i've ever seen?? like not only branch being upset at his brothers and all of them being upset at JD, but the way they all realize how they hurt branch and make an effort to change without it being too melodramatic (just comedic dramatic with clay the one time lmao) and in turn branch realizing that they all had issues he couldn't see as a kid and him beginning to understand their reasons for leaving in the first place, all without diminishing anyone's feelings because they're all allowed to be upset!! it's REALLY good and something i've been starving to see in brozone fanworks lately (like, i enjoy branch blowing up at them all as much as the next guy, but it gets old after a while yk?). i think how you write them has gotta be one of my favorite ways i've seen them be characterized, despite how far removed they are from the actual movie's story LMAO. so excited to see how messy things get now that JD's back in the picture, keep up the awesome work!!

thank you so much!! that really means a lot to me because i care about the relationship brozone has a LOT <3 it's really not an enviable situation for ANY of them to be in, yknow?? like, all the bros were either late teens or adults in their brozone days and, like, yeah it's one thing for branch's perspective to be that his brothers all up and left him instantly in one day, but man it is ANOTHER thing for you, as a teen/young adult, your identity being irreversibly tied to four people that are starting to REALLY grind your gears- being just "a part of brozone", with a specific Label for how you should specifically be acting all the time.

like yeah! branch has every right to be mad at the bros! but its also sooo important to me to remember that these guys were an ENTIRELY different age bracket than bitty b, right, so like. HIS "you all up and left before i could grow up" is THEIR "i'm growing up and i still don't have any identity to my name besides 'the fun boy', 'the sensitive one', 'the heartthrob', 'the leader'"

and i think branch could be able to see that i truly do. i think the best thing for branch to hear from his brothers is not actually "so sorry branch we should have never left" but instead like. "yeah we did leave but we should have visited" or like "it was really important for our lives to change, but we're sorry that ended up having an unintentional negative impact on yours"

IT'S ALL ONE BIG BOY BAND ISSUES SOUP AND IT MAKES MY BRAIN'S GEARS SPIN LIKE CRAZYYY!!! and again i am super grateful for your kind words, i love writing for these bros so much ;0;

[fictionkinfessions]

Sometimes you have your top kin get so strong, so undeniably You(tm) in all aspects, that you just do not have clear timelines for your mems anymore.

"Oh well then maybe some of those mems arent actu-"

Every Single Thing I Say About Dottore Is A Mem unless specifically stated otherwise. If I start typing something immediately, its a mem. It is undeniably correct in my brain, even if I said something contradictory the day before. I cannot properly put it into words. I have about 3 piles of consistent mems then a bunch of other mems scattered on the floor that don't line up with the piles. Perhaps when I finally release and get proper screen time I'll get a properly unfading timeline, as the existing piles all ceased being the Main Thing in the shifts.

I'd say this is partially a product of being Every Segment. In one of those consistent piles I was one conciousness in several bodies. So One Brain contains the memories of many different bodies. Of course contradictions would surface. It seems to just come with the territory of Being Dottore.

I swear I must sound "fake" to anyone else who listens. Sure people often say mems are not a requirement for kinning, a very correct statement of course, but nobody ever really comments on inconsistent memories. Not to say I feel invalid of course, moreso this experience is so difficult to explain, and one I have not heard others experience before, that I'm sure other people would surely think I'm making it up.

I couldn't even begin to theorize on how this happened outside of He is Simply Me Real. We are the Same Person. And I know every time we get more canon lore more and more people out there must think I'm insane and/or stupid for being so open about Being Dottore Real. But I don't care. Trust me I have tried to get this guy to die down in my head but he is always in the background (metaphorically speaking. I personify my thoughts so apologies if it gets confusing). It's so easy to fall into a shift with the right poking and prodding, even when I try to avoid it because whenever he DOES make it out of his cage, he stays in the shift for AGES (metaphorical again).

I'm kind of just rambling at this point- But I don't know, the way my Dottore kinning functions is so wildly intriguing to me. Perhaps its remnants of my breif stint of Delusional Symptoms. (Gotta love getting psychosis symptoms due to chronic depression. Glad I learned that was a thing.) Perhaps he is just that strong of a kin at this point. I'll never know Why. But I love trying to explain it.

So perhaps someone on the blog will be intrigued by my brain as well.

~Il Dottore 🕯♟ (Genshin Impact)

x

[youreallyshouldtalkmore]

Of Sounds and Memories

A.N: More Alhaitham x reader brainrot. It has the same artistReader as Once Upon a Time.

Genshin Impact MasterList  

---------------------------------

Logic had failed him when it came to you…

No matter how much he bent his brain to contemplate, you still frequently threw him for a loop. You were the only thing that was hard for him to figure out. Not that he'd tell anyone, including you. 

He barely acknowledged it, his own self.

But perhaps that was what kept him intrigued. Kept him returning to your side, even without meaning to.

For instance, after he returned from studying ruins in the desert, he stopped by your small apartment.

After initial greetings, you had returned to your artwork while he pulled out a book.

The silence was not uncomfortable.

Not that silence ever was for him. 

But he realized for most they became awkward when he stopped talking for a long time. 

Or was like Kaveh who could talk without the input of the other party.

But not you. You were quieter than most, allowing him to think. But unfortunately, his thoughts were not about useful logically things found in books on this day. 

Today, his eyes strayed towards you over the top of the book he held. 

Usually, you would be deep into whatever art project you were working on at the moment, but today, you kept twirling your pencil in your hand, your leg bouncing up and down. 

Were you even aware of this? 

Your eyes were focused on what paper in front of you, but he doubted you saw it. Your other hand griped your hair, your face twisted into somewhat of a frown. 

He left it alone for the longest time, in case you were deep in thinking. He hated when others interrupted his train of thought, but he wondered if perhaps your thoughts were not on how to make your art project work. 

Exhibit A: When he arrived at your home, you gave him your usual smile, but it didn’t seem to quite reach your lips. 

Conclusion: That’s fine. How come someone’s gotta smile like they are shaming Celestia all the time? 

Exhibit B: Your hug lingered a few seconds past normal. 

Conclusion: This was skating on a thin ice, depending on context. If the two of you were in public, neither of you liked PDA, so most would not realize you were a couple. Sometimes you held hands or snuck a kiss if you were 99% sure no one was watching. 

If you were in private, that was a different matter as you both exchanged touches and kisses. You weren’t prone to hanging over him as a normal course of things unless you were in, what Alhaitham dubbed, a silly mode. But you knew how to read the atmosphere and knew there were times the clingyness was not welcome. 

So the fact that you clung to him a bit longer than normal was not particularly abnormal. However, given you clearly weren’t in one of your silly modes…. 

Exhibit C: There were bags on under your eyes

Conclusion: Now that was a cause for concern. 

The world you had come from had been loud and chaotic, but you had been in Teyvat for a little over a year. Did that world still have a hold over you? He knew that you had nightmares of your world from time to time. 

Did you perhaps have a nightmare that was still plaguing your waken thoughts? 

You were sensitive to the slight sounds even in this world. There were days when you couldn’t be bothered to go to a restaurant because it was too much happening at one time. 

But it was currently dead silent right now. 

So why were you so jumpy? 

His eyes barely blinked as he lowered the book and shut it carefully.

With a cock of his head, he spoke, “Y/N…”

Huh, you didn’t respond, but your knee kept bouncing up and down. 

That was becoming a bit annoying. 

Wait, was it slightly faster than before? 

He tried to be a little bit louder, “Y/N….”

Nothing. He observed your knee. 

Still going at the same rate. 

Finally, he called out just below a yell, “Y/N!!!” 

Your head snapped up towards him, eyes wide as you leaned back from him as if he was going to do something. 

Alhaitham hadn’t even moved out of his seat situated on the other side of the room. 

Your wide eyes looked at him, but they did not see him. 

He gentled his voice, “Y/N, focus on the sound of my voice and come back from wherever you went to. There is nothing to be upset about.” 

Your eyes finally began to return to normal size as your body relaxed. “I’m not upset.” 

“Notice I didn’t say you were exactly. But since you brought it up, what exactly are you upset about?” 

You glared at him, “I told you I’m not upset.” 

“Okay…” 

You bristled at Alhaitham’s tone. You growled, “I’m not upset.” 

Alhaitham only cracked open his book and returned to it. 

“....” 

“Maybe I’m a little…perturbed.” 

Alhaitham didn’t look up from his book, although he wasn’t reading, “Perturbed can also mean upset.”

“It’s different.” 

Alhaitham looked up then, “Perturbed is to be concerned or anxious about something, whereas upset is a state of being unhappy, disappointed, or worried. Therefore, they are both about the same, unless you want to microanalyze.” 

You just leaned on your elbow on your desk and glowered at him, “Like you're doing now.” 

Alhaitham smirked, “It allowed me to accomplish my first goal.”  

You sighed, “Which is?” 

“To make you chew on something else other than the worry in your head. This can be counted as a successful endeavor, no?” 

“You….” Your mouth wanted to break out into a smile, as you held back the laughter to try to pretend to be annoyed. Your eyes were shining a bit too much to be believed. 

Alhaitham’s smirk widened, “Your welcome. Now moving onto goal #2. What is the problem? And don’t tell me, there isn’t one. And don’t deflect it onto your artwork, either. That kind of reaction does not come from not getting ideas. So?”

It’s amazing that Alhaitham had the ability to zero in on the precise point, leaving very little wiggle room.  

You looked away from him and didn’t say anything for a long moment. 

Alhaitham sighed as he stood up and moved to the couch in the room, “Y/N, come over here.” 

You looked up as he took a seat, “Why?” 

Alhaitham just gave you a look. 

You just looked back. 

You weren’t in the mood. 

“Are you intentionally being difficult? Must I go over and pick you up and bring you over here? That will waste an additional minute, and it's inefficient.” 

You looked amused at him, “What can you do in one whole minute of wasted time?” 

“I can do a lot with a minute, but you are deflecting. Don’t waver from the topic at hand.”

You finally came over and plopped down next to him. 

He looked at you, “Well?” 

You gave a deadpanned look, “What? I’m here.” 

“I can see that. Y/N, you are making this intentionally difficult…” 

“Then get a clue…” You knew you were being snarky, but you couldn’t seem to help it. Slowly, your leg began to bounce up and down again. 

Alhaitham’s eyes flickered from your knee to your face. Did you even realize? He reached out and placed a hand over your knee, stilling it. 

“Why do you have such nervous energy? This is not your usual state. Something obviously happened. A nightmare…” 

He watched your face as you just threw a glare at him, “So not a nightmare. Memories perhaps?” 

Your eyes slid away from his. 

“Ahh, some kind of memory. Of your old world, I take it.” 

Your voice was wearied, “Please stop.” 

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.” 

You burst then, “I DON’T KNOW!! It’s just bloody loud!!” You clamped a hand over your ears, hunching over. 

Alhaitham blinked at this outburst but only allowed the silence to lull a minute before he spoke softly, “It’s not loud in here, is it? It shouldn’t be. We haven’t said anything past exchanged greetings when I arrived. That was half an hour ago.” 

“I know it’s not loud, but I can still hear it.” 

“Hear what?” 

You shook your head, “I don’t know. The grinding noises, the churning. It won’t stop!” You dug your fingers into your head. 

Alhaitham thought about this for a moment. Were you hearing something from your memories? If so, it still raised a question. 

Why now? 

You had fallen into the Avidya Forest when you first came to Teyvat. At that time, Tighnari was the first to teach you about this world. Alhaitham had already discussed some things about that time with Tighnari. Like the fact that for a while, after your arrival, you swore you could hear whatever sounds from your world. It got so bad, Tighnari had to take drastic measures and stuff you full of medicine for a while. Eventually you got used to Teyvat and came to be in awe of how quiet it actually was.  As far as Alhaitham knew, it’s been awhile since you’ve had an outbreak like this. 

So what triggered it? 

“Y/N….I need you to listen to me. Something must have triggered this. We just need to find the root cause. This didn’t just spring out of thin air. Now, try to calm down and think. What were you doing before you began to hear these sounds?” 

You always told Alhaitham that he had a nice voice. Soothing even, if he wanted it to be like now. You latched onto that, even as your knee began to bounce up and down. 

Huh, you just realized Alhaitham had never removed his hand from your knee, and it was now bouncing along with you. 

You giggled silently at the idea. 

“I had to go to Port Ormos, last week.” 

“I remember. You had a client there.” 

“Hm. I was coming back passing the ship docks, when suddenly I heard something bang. Apparently, someone dropped some heavy ship machinery. A bunch of people had to rush over to take care of it.” 

“I see, that makes sense then.” 

You shook your head, “No. The ship docks never bothered me before. It can get quite loud there, especially if they are working on the ships.” 

“I believe it was less what the sound was and more that it startled you. That threw you back to the memories of your world. I have no idea exactly what you are hearing, but I know there it is in fact quiet, right now. And yet, that is bringing no comfort to you, is it? 

You shook your head, “I know it’s quiet, but it just still sounds loud.” 

“Hm. Your hearing been heightened since then?” 

You nodded. 

“And you are just now telling me this?” 

A beat, “.....Sorry.” 

Alhaitham retracted his hand. You felt him shift, but couldn’t seem to want to lift yourself enough to find out what he was doing. 

The grinding was making your teeth hurt. 

However, did you manage to put up with it when you lived in your world? 

You felt Alhaitham try again to lift you up, “Work with me, Y/N. I want to try something.” 

You trusted Alhaitham enough to stop trying to fight him. You were surprised when suddenly something warm went over your ears. 

You blinked. 

That was odd. A new sound was introduced: a kind of whooshing silence. It was quite lulling, actually. Your knee started slowing down as your eyes darted around the room, not really seeing anything. 

Eventually, your eyes landed on Alhaitham and you had to do a double take. 

Why did he look….?

Your hands went up to your ears. 

He had given you his headphones. 

Your eyes widened, and you looked up at Alhaitham whose eyes had not moved from you. 

“Better?” He asked. 

You just nodded. 

Wait, you could still hear him!!  

“Are these, noise cancelation headphones?” you asked softly. 

“Hm. Cancels out trivial noise from meaningless matters. I sometimes have to wear them to bed and turn it completely off when Kaveh suddenly becomes inspired at three in the morning. Which is too often for my taste.” 

“You have different settings?” You asked, looking at the cord that was still attached on his person. 

Alhaitham nodded, “I use this setting to help with a good night sleep. I thought introducing a new pleasant sound would stop your brain from hyper-focusing on the sounds you don’t want to hear. Is it working?” 

This time you nodded. 

“Good to know.” 

Alhaitham could see you beginning to calm down as you continually looked around the room without really seeing anything. He could see your eyes becoming unfocused and somewhat sleepy. 

Come to think of it, had you even gotten the proper amount of rest? 

He sat back on the couch, pulling out his book he tossed on the other side of him. He knew you looked at him then, and he only glanced at you to check on you before returning to the page he left off on. 

Eventually, he felt a weight on his shoulder. 

Ahh, it looked like you feel asleep. 

Good, you probably needed it. 

[hjemne]

Ilsa, I’ve seen you posting a lot of Trigun and well I’m intrigued by it, to say the least. But just for giggles, would you try to convince me why should I watch it? 😆🤚🏻

AHHHHH!

I didn't think Trigun was going to worm its way into my brain so much but here we are. There is so much to love about it and I adore so many of the characters for a billion different ways. The character type of someone who is made into a killing machine and then is slowly convinced to accept love and forgiveness is my favourite and is all over trigun. So many characters see themselves as monstrous but choose to do what they see as right for the sake of / with the help of their friends. There are moments of silliness and of tragedy, all with an incredibly interesting setting which slowly gets revealed.

Because of the recent release of Trigun Stampede, the community is really active rn (esp on Tumblr!) and it's really cool to see so many incredible fanarts, comics, fanfics and discussions being made. It's very fun to be part of a very active fandom, but also one that is 25 years old and has fanworks that are older than I am.

I really love it, and I would recommend it, but unfortunately I also have some caveats which I gotta mention.

What you gotta know before getting into Trigun is that there are 4 different canon versions and each one has its problems. I wish I could recommend X version as the definitive and best, but that just doesn't exist which is very annoying.

1) Trigun Maximum: the manga

Good: incredible nuances to characters like Wolfwood, Knives, Livio/Razlo. Vashwood subtext is off the charts and their dynamic is incredibly fascinating and central. This is the most detailed and complex story of Trigun and has lots of themes, characters and plot points that don't exist in other versions. Has elements of sexism and sexual violence, but (imo) to show how shitty the world is, rather than to revel in the misogyny. The tone is tragic, with equal mix of hope and pain.

Bad: the female characters of Meryl and Milly get massively sidelined in comparison to their depictions elsewhere. It's a very long manga and has (imo) pacing issues that limit the impact of emotional moments. The art style is beautiful, but notoriously difficult to follow, especially in the many long fight scenes (particularly bad in volume 5). There's lots of disagreement about 'correct' translations and it can be hard to tell which character is doing/saying/thinking what at points which can make it confusing and frustrating to read at times.

Overall: 7/10, I would recommend but maybe not as your first bit of exposure to Trugun

2) 1998 anime Trigun

Good: the silliest of Triguns with some great voice acting. The friendships between Vash, Milly, Meryl and Wolfwood are very sweet and engaging (although it would have been nice to see more of the four of them together). It's a fun overview of the Trigun story and has a very entertaining mix of comedy and serious emotional moments. Lots of hijinks and lots of fights. Milly and Meryl are core characters and get time to shine (it is impossible not to love Milly). This is personal preference but the animation style is kinda goofy in the way it changes styles to exaggerate characters' feelings which I love. The first 12 ISH episodes are very Saturday morning cartoon vibes without being too inane and childish.

Bad: because it only had the first couple of volumes of the manga to adapt from, the mid-season tone shift and later fights feel rushed, a little confusing and ultimately lead to a less satisfying conclusion than in trimax. The misogyny is noticeable, especially in the first couple of episodes, though is limited to a couple of comments in some episodes and doesn't (I think) make it unwatchable. The antagonists are rushed through and it's hard to work out who the 'main' villain is. Tone change is quite abrupt. Wolfwood is a less developed character with a less intense (back)story, Livio/Razlo doesn't exist at all etc

Overall: 7/10, this is what I'd recommend you start with. It has pacing issues and uncomfortable sexist comments, but I think they're outweighed by the strengths of the main casts relationships and the pure entertainment value of it. Not the most satisfying ending, but they were constrained so :/

3) Badlands Rumble (film)

Good: animation is SO crisp. Wolfwood is at maximum chest exposure and actually his character is pretty interesting here. Milly and Meryl are back, but in limited roles. Some interesting world building and Vash and Wolfwood go thru their divorce arc TM which is dumb and funny and angsty.

Bad: Wolfwood is far too pale. The first half an hour is made almost unwatchable by the decision to make sexism and sexual harrassement a way to pad out the runtime. Vash is such a creep it just makes for uncomfortable watching.

4/10 don't watch if you're not already invested, and honestly do yourself a favour by watching the opening scene, then skipping to the 30 min ish mark and watch knowing that Vash has some very tough dried meat in his front coat pocket.

4) Trigun Stampede anime

Good: really cool 3D animation and music. Has Wolfwood's manga backstory and some manga characters like Livio and Crimsonnail, but with very different characterisations. I really liked the episode looking at the childhood of two orphans and how their love for each other was manipulated against them both. Much bigger focus on Knives than the original and more elaboration of his motivations and plans. Zazie is SO much better here than in the original anime. No uncomfortable sexism yay!

Bad: I... don't like tristamp very much. The characters are watered down from their manga versions and Knives is just kinda evil because he was en evil child, rather than the much more nuanced version in trimax. Milly doesn't exist (yet) and they added in a new character Roberto whose role in the story is (or at least was to me) obvious if you know the basics of the hero's journey structure. Everyone has been twinkified and Wolfwood doesn't even have his tits out smh. Vash just comes across as having less agency and his motivations feel weak. I really just dont like a lot of the character decision here BUT to be fair, that's because I'm comparing them to the manga. But also, a main plot point is someone taking over his brother's body so that his sisters can get pregnant and it definitely still feels weird in context. The focus on the two brothers makes other dynamics a little weaker, and has led to a lot of incest-y fandom things which is ehh.

5.5/10 there are some things it does very well and it's very popular for a reason but I personally think the characterisations are disappointing. It's trying to strike a weird balance between being its own, new thing and also nostalgia for original elements, leading to some questionable pacing and plot choices. It doesn't even have Midvalley the Hornfreak.

I would love to be able to talk about Trigun with you and be passionate about the elements of it I love, but also I don't want to recommend it without giving you a fair picture of the parts I'm more critical about. I genuinely love the world building and characters, which are expressed best in the less accessible form of the manga but are also found in the animes. What I'd recommend is watching the original anime first, but also you might need to give it the benefit of the doubt for the first couple episodes which is where the dodgy 90s sexism is most obvious. I'd be super interested in hearing your thoughts and reactions to it if you did watch it, and also please bear in mind that my complaints about tristamp are personal and there are many who love that version so don't take my negativity as fact.

[grassbreads]

Writer Interview Game

I was tagged for this by @torterrachampion . Thank you!!

Since this is my fandom-specific account, I'm going to keep these answers mostly limited to fanfiction.

When did you start writing?

I have been writing my entire life. I was one of those kids that was convinced I was going to write a novel at age 10 (although I never got further than a couple of chapters). For fanfiction specifically, the first fic I ever wrote was a halloween story project for middle school that I turned into D.Gray-man fanfiction. I started writing and publishing fic for real the following summer, when I was 14. (Much like the novels in elementary school, I never actually finished one of the longfics I started in high school).

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

Big time lmao. A *lot* of the original fiction I read is horror, and although I've played around with the idea of writing a horror fic, I'm yet to find a good concept for one. I'm also a huge lover of long multi-chapter fics and elaborate AUs, but I publish mostly oneshots.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I honestly cannot remember ever having my work compared to specific other writers?

But as I said, I love elaborate longfic AUs yet really struggle to write them myself (long projects are my enemy), so I would sell my soul to be able to emulate the works of travelingneuritis or oxfordroulette, both of whom I really admire. I've written whole long posts before about how much oxfordroulette's Homestuck fics impressed and impacted me when I first read them like 6 years ago.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

My writing space is anywhere in my apartment :). Sometimes I write at my desk, but more often I'm curled up or crosslegged on my couch or futon. Gotta be cozy and comfy.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Since fic is a pretty casual hobby for me these days, I mostly just kinda write when inspiration strikes (hence why I publish roughly one fic per year). That said, rereading canon scenes featuring the characters I'm writing always helps me get their voice into my head.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I don't know if I write enough to have big recurring themes? I like writing about characters that aren't doing well mentally, but that's both broad and not always applicable.

I suppose it does always make me laugh when I see "Christmas" listed among my most-used tags on Ao3. I'm not even a christian, but I've written two fics set during christmas bc gift exchanges make for good fluff, and with my output, two times puts it in my top 10.

What is your reason for writing?

Sometimes a story worms its way into my brain so deeply that canon just isn't enough. I need to live in that world to a degree beyond what I can get from canon content alone. And when there isn't enough existing fic by others to scratch that itch, or when there isn't enough of the right *type* of existing fic, I simply have to sit down and make my own.

Also, writing fanfiction is fun :).

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I'd like to think I'm good at characterization, at least most of the time. And I think I'm good at making sure things flow.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I really like a majority of the things I've written, or at least the stuff I've written as an adult. My really old writing makes me cringe a little sometimes, but I look back on it fondly, and I still reread newer stuff like An Act of Trust and Idle God, Idol Gossip for my own amusement.

The brief answer is that overall, I'm quite proud.

If either of you are interested in joining, I'll tag @cinammonelles and @azapofinspiration :)

[xxruinaxxmcu]

Jack Thompson X Reader

What Lies Before Us, Chapter 18

Previous Chapters

A/N: Apologies for the long pause. I actually had this chapter in reserve but never got around to publishing it. What made me publish it today was A) time and B) the lovely, lovely words by @clinicallydepressedreader under one of the previous chapters. Thanks, my dear! It’s people like you that make this more than worth it. I am so honoured to have had that impact on your perception on Jack - truly, it means the world! The characters are actually the most difficult part for me to get right (in terms of the canon timelines and their stories) because the historical background, well... my full-time job is researching the 1930s/1940s in Germany. That certainly helped!

“Clear.”

The room hadn’t been made by room service, who had adhered to the sign outside the door asking for privacy.

“Those are the plans Elias had handed over to them”, Y/N pointed to the desk, recognising the blueprints from Peggy’s descriptions.

“Wasn’t one for much private stuff”, Jack commented. They found no pictures, only the absolute necessities. Crouching down next to the bed, Jack saw something buried below the mattress.

“Wannabe spy”, he commented sarcastically, pulling out a notebook.

Projekt Kriegerblut

HYDRA, Abteilung Forschung für Neurologie und Psychoanalytik

BETA-Proband M.C.

Start Behandlung: September 1940

Y/N had noticed him reading something. “You found something?”

“Hard to say, what does ‘Kriegerblut’ mean?”

“Warrior’s blood”, Y/N frowned, “Why?” He handed her the notebook.

“I think that could link to your friend there.”

Y/N’s eyes scanned the pages. “If that refers to Carter, then lord help us, given that he’s only the beta candidate. Means that somewhere out there, they have a more finalised candidate. One that does, whatever the intent is, better than our man”, she stated, flipping through the pages. Most were notes by doctors about the change in brain scans after repeated torture and electroshock ‘therapy’.

“What does it say?”, Jack asked impatiently.

“Shhh”, she hushed, “I gotta first read it!”

Loading all the evidence into their car, Y/N continued her lecture whilst Jack started driving to Sousa’s location.

“Unbelievable”, Y/N eventually whispered, “that is actually unbelievable.”

“What is it?”, Jack’s eyes met hers for a split-second, so he saw her deep concern.

“If whatever they are describing here is factual”, she began, “then they are attempting to manipulate individuals, basically rewiring their brains to become assassins devoid of will.”

“Absolute mind control?”, he asked in disbelief, “that’s impossible. That’s gotta be impossible.” Taking over someone temporarily by creating a momentary delusion as had been the case in Fennhoff’s technique was one thing, rewiring someone’s brain fundamentally an entirely different.

Y/N raised an eyebrow: “I hope so, too, but then again, I guess people in the French Revolution would’ve said the same thing about the atomic bomb falling out of freaking planes.”

“So, what, he doesn’t know who he is? So we’re talking to an empty shell now, lacking the chip on the shoulder with the puppet master dead?”, Jack inquired, still not entirely convinced that whatever they had found could actually be reality.

“Do I look like I have experience with Nazi mind control?”, Y/N asked back with a huff, “All I can say is what they reported here. The candidate was captured in summer of 1940, and is described as a ‘European individual in his mid-20s of healthy status’. Age and time of capture would coincide with Michael’s presumed death, and well, there’s the matching initials. Apparently, he was candidate 19, and the only one not to die in the process. He was tortured for months, Jack.”

“Sorry if my sympathy is not overflowing just yet. The guy tried to kill you not even five hours ago, Y/N!”

“Yes, with an emphasis on tried”, Y/N agreed, “but we’re all alive, the kid’s fine, and I only have a bandage and a nasty gash to remind me. Had a scar there anyways, so never mind.” She exhaled. “What’s my concern now is that we need someone… someone we can trust who has experience with this sorta thing. I know absolutely no one that fits the bill. You?”

“Neither.”

“Then let’s hope the old trick of hitting him hard enough on the head works”, Y/N commented dryly, “I’m not betting on getting help from the one mind-control expert we’ve come across in the last two years in the form of Fennhoff.”

Once more, silence returned to their car. Y/N knew he was upset, it was written all across his face.

“Are you angry that I didn’t shoot him, are you pissed I didn’t let him shoot the kid, or are you angry that we’re headed to see a possible mad man right now?”, she asked, tilting her head, “or is it all of the above?”

“I’m not angry.”

“Yes”, Y/N snorted, “you are in a glorious mood.”

“No, I’m not”, he agreed, “but I’m not angry. I’m just waiting for this campaign to be over. It feels like since Stark’s disappearance last year, we’ve been chasing boogiemen across the globe and every time we think we’re done, it just continues.”

“I know”, Y/N said quietly, “I’m tired, too.” She swallowed: “But we can’t just ditch now, can we? I mean, you saw Peggy’s face in there. We can’t just leave her and Sousa with someone – or something – of which we have no idea what he’s capable of.”

“Yeah”, he rubbed the bridge of his nose, “I know.” Clenching his jaw, he accepted his fate, and his mind returned to duty. “How’d you think we interrogate him? If that file is correct, I doubt he’ll react much to the stick.”

Y/N nodded. “Probably he won’t, yeah”, pressing her lips together, “again, I have no knowledge of how to de-programme someone like that. I suppose reconnecting with his past, with his identity would be an avenue. To turn him from Candidate 19 back to Michael Carter.”

“But only Peggy knew him back then”, he interjected, “she can’t interrogate him! That’s bound to fail.”

“Why, because it’s her brother?”, Y/N raised an eyebrow.

Jack looked at her as if asking that question was a crime all by itself. “Yes”, he hissed, “because he’s her brother!”

“You know”, Y/N said with a grin, “Now I know why she always butted heads with you. You and him? You could be related. And from what she told me about him, I think even some of the character traits line up.”

He looked offended: “That’s harsh.”

“You met a monster”, she objected, “I doubt he was like that when they were playing knights in the garden.”

Now, he laughed. “Doesn’t surprise me one bit. Couldn’t imagine Marge being a princess.”

…………

“Rose?”, Y/N asked when they approached the cellar in which Sousa had handcuffed Carter to an interrogation table, “how’s everyone?”

Rose gave her a telling look: “Everyone is just in shock.”

“Is Sousa with him?”, Jack asked and Rose nodded, pointing to the room where they could sit in to the interrogation from behind the one-way mirror.

“Peggy in there?”, Y/N asked, and Rose nodded again.

“Gimme a second”, Y/N said to Jack and left to enter the room. “Peggy?”

The woman sat on the desk, legs crossed. She didn’t look sad, or like she had cried. She looked completely blank as her eyes flickered over to Y/N.

“How’s your arm?”

“Fine.”

Y/N sat next to her, looking into the interrogation room.

“What have I missed?”, she asked silently.

“Nothing”, Peggy said bitterly, “he’s said absolutely nothing.”

“I would have guessed so”, Y/N said, deciding to be upfront, “Jack discovered a notebook in Keller’s room. We weren’t sure if it was referring to him, but the evidence all points in that direction. If we are correct, then HYDRA reprogrammed his brain. A sort of mind control. They detailed how they got him to that point, but unfortunately, nothing of how to reverse it.”

“Mind control?”, Peggy asked, forcing herself to look away from Michael, now facing Y/N. Y/N could practically see her trying to pull herself together.

“Yeah, but different than what Fennhoff did with people like Chief Dooley. It’s much more… fundamental”, Y/N tried to explain, “I read it just now on our way here. It was pain-based. Peggy, the details don’t matter that much, but they’ve tortured him for months. It took months for them to drill him into a tool. He became Kandidat 19 – Keller addressed him in that way, too. It would seem that by the time they were done with him, he’d fall into bouts of servitude.” She paused. “But he isn’t perfect. He was referred to as the BETA candidate. In some of the notes, they described how he’d fall out of his trance mid-mission or not act out the actions they wanted him to do in as miniscule detail as they would have liked. I think they decided to make several changes for their next generation of candidates, something with trigger words. I don’t know what they would’ve changed, but they didn’t do that with Michael.”

Peggy remained silent for a while. The door opened and Jack entered, nodding at Peggy.

“Do you think I can get through to him, Y/N?”, Peggy asked. Y/N felt helpless – She had nothing to base this upon. She was forced to answer a question she couldn’t have known the answer to.

“I believe we will not leave any stone unturned”, Y/N spoke eventually. “Dooley got out of his trance somehow. There must be a way to break this, too, even if it takes more than Jack banging against a door.”

“You think it’s some sort of drill, right?”, Jack asked Y/N, to which she only nodded. “Then it’s most likely connected to self-discipline, right? I dunno, maybe some sort of learnt behaviour that was reinforced by HYDRA, disobedience means torture, so self-discipline is a self-protection.”

Y/N remained quiet because she wanted to know where he was headed with this.

“Well, if it is, then we need to break down his ability to self-discipline.” He said it so matter-of-fact that Y/N had to glance to Peggy, only to see that the brunette also didn’t seem to know what Jack was getting at.

“And how do you suspect we do that, Doctor?”, Y/N asked, crossing her arms.

Jack looked at her with a deadpan look: “It’s my suggestion. It’s gonna involve alcohol. Isn’t that your rationale for hardly touching that stuff?”

“You wanna get him drunk?”, Y/N said, not knowing if he was kidding.

“You got a better idea? It’s probably less harmful than some of the harder drugs out there”, he shrugged.

Y/N turned to Peggy: “Thoughts?”

“He finds gin repulsive”, she said sarcastically, “you better get whiskey.”

“See?”, Y/N said with a grin looking at Thompson, “I knew you two share similarities!” He shot her a venomous glare.

“You don’t happen to have a bottle in the trunk, do you?”, she asked sarcastically, causing him to open his mouth in offence.

“D’you think I’m an alcoholic over here?”

“Nah, I told you before, it’s gotten much better”, she shrugged with a smile, “but I was just checking. I’ll get us the goods.”

…………

When they informed Daniel about the plan, he looked at Thompson and L/N as if they were from outer space.

“That’s your plan?”, he asked, just to be sure he didn’t miss a part, “You’ll get him drunk?”

“Yes”, Thompson confirmed.

“My bad”, Sousa’s tone was mocking, “Here I thought we were the Strategic Scientific Reserve, not the college fraternity admitting another member into our ranks of crazy.”

“If you happened to have gathered some intel about German mind control techniques in the trenches of Bastogne, by all means, dogface”, Thompson huffed, “Speak up.”

Sousa rolled his eyes at the insult. “You know, if there’s one thing the likes of you have in common – it’s that they will go above and beyond to remind the rest of the servicemen that they’re Marines.”

Jack slapped him on the shoulder: “Naturally. We did the legwork for it. Don’t worry, we made even more fun of the swab-jockeys than your kind.”

Y/N scoffed, shaking her head. “I guess that referred to the poor sailors that had to work beside you.”

“How’d you guess?”, Jack asked, knowing that she’d probably not have had contact with many members from the Navy during her time in the European theatre.

“Believe it or not, but the distain you had on your face when you spoke to Luke who has been in the Navy was a clear indicator that you don’t hold them in the highest of regards”, she replied, “might have just been Luke, though, and just a lucky guess this time around.”

He winked: “To us, the US Navy was the Marine’s taxi service.”

“Oh my God, way to boast about your choice of branch”, she rolled her eyes amusedly, “C’mon, warrior of God, we’re off to meet Rose and the kid. They left for another safehouse an hour ago.”

“What, we’re not leaving Carter with Sousa and Carter!”, he objected, “besides, last time I checked, I’m the most senior interrogator.”

“Yeah”, she raised an eyebrow at him, “and I’ve seen my share of drunk people for this month. What’s your point?” That remark gave her the reaction she had intended for it to generate – slight embarrassment – as she added: “Besides, he’s cuffed to a table, and we tied down his feet. We’ll put the bunker on lockdown and you’ll need a password to unlock it, so he can’t get out.” She grabbed him by the arm: “Now get going or I swear I will always and forever refer to as a soldier.”

………

“We’re not leaving just to check on the other two, are we?”, Jack asked in the car.

Y/N took notice that he had correctly deducted that from her previous behaviour.

“I think that we shouldn’t be listening in on whatever Peggy has to say to possibly get through to him”, she confirmed quietly, “Peggy’s usually very quiet when it’s about her private life, particularly the one she had before the war.”

“She told you about Michael”, he pointed out, “you’re sure it’s about us listening in, and not just about me listening in?” He shot her a side-glance before returning to the road.

Y/N studied his face. He didn’t seem hurt by the implication, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t.

“No”, she disagreed, “I knew very little about her life, despite having lived with her. I knew that she had a brother and she showed me a few pictures, and she told me that she didn’t have a particularly cordial relationship to her mother. Found her too boyish. I guess the problematic family relations were a point for us to bond over.” She sighed: “I’m sure she would’ve told you if… well. It’s always harder to say these things to people who come from a family that’s intact. It makes you mourn your losses all over again.” Once she had uttered the words, she realised how utterly sad they had sounded, which was reflected on Jack’s concerned face.

“I don’t feel that way when I’m with your family”, she added quickly, “I have known them for what seems like my entire life.”

He cleared his throat, taking his hand off the clutch for a moment to grab her left hand and grazing the ring on her finger: “They’ll be your family, too.”

……….

Entering the other safehouse, which was an unused office building formerly used by the SSR, Elias and Rose were chatting in one of the rooms, evidently about how American and German pies were nothing alike.

Y/N shot Jack a glance. He raised an eyebrow and remarked: “Didn’t take the kid to be a baker.”

“Neither.”

Hearing their voices, Rose and Elias watched them enter.

“Agent L/N, how is your arm?”

“Don’t worry”, she waved her hand, “Unlike the SSR men, I used my arm to take it, not my sternum.”

“And you accuse me of bragging”, Jack complained with a grin that he couldn’t quite wipe off his face.

“Oh please”, Y/N rolled her eyes, “I’m actually surprised you didn’t get one of those dodgy tattoos during service. Well, I suppose you make up for it verbally.”

She could see the thoughts spinning in Elias’ face, when she realised that to him, they were Chief Thompson of the NY SSR, and Agent L/N from the NY SSR. Peggy and Daniel had probably seen no need to mention the fact that there was a private dimension to their relationship, hence, her remarks must have come across as incredibly rude for a simple subordinate.

“Don’t worry”, she said in German with a grin, “he’s my fiancé. I’m the one person in this agency that’s allowed to be honest with him.”

“What?”, Jack asked when Elias started laughing.

“Nothing”, Y/N said in a sing-song-voice, “Asked him if he enjoyed his experience in the field today.”

Jack didn’t believe a word of what she was saying and eyed her suspiciously. “Sure.”

“Chief Sousa called a moment ago, something about a report”, Rose spoke up, “He said you two will know what to do.”

“Yeah, that’s a nice term for filing duty”, Y/N remarked dryly, “About the mission.”

She looked around, searching for a desk. “How about this, I’ll do the filing, you”, she turned to Jack, “find us something to eat. I’m starving.”

“You volunteer to do the filing?”, he asked, acting shocked.

“I can be nice from time to time”, she grinned, “Deal?”

“You bet!”

…………

“So you two are headed back to New York soon?”, Elias asked over dinner, which were burgers, because, as Jack had explained, that was the most convenient to get into the car.

Y/N looked over to Jack. “Yes, at least for a while.”

“We’re leaving the SSR”, Jack shared, causing Rose to almost drop her food.

“WHAT?”, she exclaimed, “Who’s going to take care of the east, then?!”

Y/N chuckled at her panic. “Don’t worry, Rose. The SSR will be in the best of hands. Perhaps the most capable hands it could ever want. Isn’t that right, Thompson?”

He rolled his eyes at the teasing tone in her voice. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Carter’s going to be in charge”, Y/N said to explain, “she, Colonel Philips and Howard Stark will restructure the SSR.”

Rose pursed her lips, before smiling brightly: “That sounds exciting!”

“Yes, for your sake, I hope Stark’s not too involved”, Jack scoffed, “otherwise, the new offices might explode. Or implode. It’s concerning both happened before.”

“Oh, come on”, Y/N shook her head, “He was involved in almost all the biggest scientific developments of the last decades. And those functioned as intended. At least most of them.”

“I am also very confident that his rocket programme will turn out to be a success”, Elias said with a small smile, “who knows, Stark tech might just be the first man-made thing to land on the moon.”

“The moon?”, Jack asked, not convinced. “Yeah, sure. Why not.”

“Yes, he intends to send a manned rocket to the moon”, Elias nodded, “that’s why he hired me, amongst others.”

“Great”, Thompson scoffed, “make it a one-way ticket and I’ll support it.”

Y/N laughed: “I said to Peggy that you’d say that.”

“If you’re leaving the SSR, what’s next for Chief Thompson and Agent L/N?”, Rose asked curiously.

“The CIA is looking for people with experience to build up their rows”, Jack said, “they were quick to offer us a position.”

“With the new division of responsibility amongst the intelligence services, the SSR won’t be able to act with the level of freedom it was able to in the war and up until September”, Y/N added, “and things in Europe and Asia only seem to become more volatile again. Might be of use to work for the agency that’ll be able to work on the ground.”

She saw Elias’ concerned face. “Do you still have family there?”

“In Germany?”, he shrugged, “I have no idea. Parts of them lived in East Prussia. I haven’t heard from them since late 1944 – so I assume, no. I don’t anymore.”

Y/N’s face fell at the mention of that, again conflicted by the fact that enemies were human, too. She had taught herself to see them primarily as targets, as inherently different to her, to her friends, and therefore, killing them became easier. Was sympathy with a people that had committed atrocities too horrible to even comprehend even possible? Was it morally wrong? It felt nearly impossible to her to reconcile these seemingly juxtaposed positions.

“Y/N, did you come across HYDRA when working in Germany?”, Rose asked to change the topic.

The woman shook her head: “No, fortunately not. I was preoccupied with more – well – normal Nazis, though that is an oxymoron in my opinion.”

“I remind you that you didn’t get to experience the joy of searching for snakes in your foxhole”, Jack interjected, and Y/N knew he did only to redirect the conversation away from her service, for which she was grateful. She had no interest in sharing war stories with the brother of the guy she killed.

“You did not serve in Europe?”, Elias asked, seemingly confused.

“Nah”, Jack pulled a face, “someone had to fight the good fight in the Pacific, too.”

Once they had finished their meal, Jack began to organise for Rose and Elias to get onto the next plane back to L.A., which resulted in them heading to the airport just a short while later. Y/N accompanied the two of them outside to the taxi, followed by Thompson. She hugged Rose goodbye before turning to the scientist.

“Thank you, Elias”, she said, shaking his hand. “You’re a good kid.”

“Madame, I love my brother. Perhaps, I loved him more than any other person in the world. But if one thing was taught to us since our earliest youth, it is that war is brutal. It was the brutality we were taught to idolise. I suppose that means accepting the reality that others will wage war upon us, too.”

She watched him enter the car, wondering where his path would lead him to. She sincerely hoped that, wherever it would, the destination would be more peaceful than his youth had been.

“That’s why you wanted to be the one to escort him”, Jack stated quietly, standing next to her. “To amend.”

“I cannot amend it”, she said, watching the car leave. “But it would seem that he has given me all I can ask for. Acceptance.”

Jack followed her gaze. If that kid was able to accept her decisions, accept her actions – then for God’s sake, why would her father not be capable of doing the same? He would marry Y/N. And despite their relationship being distant, he at least wanted them to not hate each other.

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[altschmerzes]

Why do they keep making Roy repeatedly behave violently toward Jamie when he has both witnessed Jamie being abused and comforted him afterwards. It’s soooo out of character imo and also completely unnecessary. He doesn’t really do it to this extent with anyone else either, just yells, which is weird because why are u targeting the one person that you should be most considerate towards (not that it’s okay to be violent to anyone but you get me). It just annoys me seeing so many people giggling about Roy charging toward Jamie in the locker room and making fun gif parallels from season one. It was never funny idk

yeah gotta be honest really don’t love that! like Really Don’t Love It! im like- okay it’s a comedy show that’s fine, he’s The Angry One that’s also fine it’s like that sometimes. things are gonna have a different tone by nature and there’s limited narrative space for different things to be focused on and unpacked and whatnot but this one is real weird for me and i just can’t get my brain around it. it feels so specifically contradictory and like… regressive for roy personally? i just can’t imagine him just being cool with repeatedly acting like that after what’s happened with them. i dooooon’t think we’re at the “i’ll fucking kill you” point with them anymore and it was kind of bizarre that it passed completely without comment or reaction like. from roy himself. i like him a lot and im not unaware of his flaws - he’s got some pretty significant ones! they make him a far more interesting character! - but that just felt incorrect for the kind of person he is with the priorities he has and way he feels about leadership and influence and Jamie Specifically.

maybe they’re gonna get into his anger this season as a Thing or an Arc for him! maybe not. still, i just don’t think he’d be reacting that extremely with jamie now that they’re not actively at each other’s throats and especially not after what happened in 2x08 which had bizarrely little impact on…. anything, for having been a massively effecting and frankly traumatizing event for everyone involved. i’d so much rather see him make different choices and have that say something about his character and evolution here on the accountability show, like. it was a weird and out of pace step back.

especially when the resolution of roy’s heightened behaviour that episode was centred on his issue with trent as far as ted being like “your ego is an issue right now.” which was a GREAT sequence and was fabulously executed as a subplot and i LOVED everything with and about roy and trent but left the explosive reactions to jamie un-commented on. I think when I was talking to a friend about this I repeatedly put it in the words of ‘it’s a bit much’

which is why i am now naturally neck deep in an episode tag fic about this very thing XD like maybe they’ll address it in the future! but im gonna get out some thoughts on it now. also - im not really involved with the fandom directly, just some buddies and lovely people who send me messages (like you!! thank you!!!) so i haven’t seen general reactions but it’s like. yeah. have a hard time finding that one funny, personally! i saw an interesting comparison shot of jamie’s reaction to him specifically and how different it is now but like. let’s dig into that a bit, hence the fic

anyways. love this show very much and overall think that was a home run of a knockout episode but that particular bit really bothered me and it’s good to know i don’t just have a really specific bone to pick XD or if i do it’s not just me!