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boysbeware2 · 2 days ago

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all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)

please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read

disposable girl (jordyn)

(old)

i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL

(new)

man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we’re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..

irreverent girl (kairi)

(old)

I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.

(new)

When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents

splitter girl (tahira)

(old)

theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe

(new)

getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…… its the little things~ ^^

fainéant girl (freyja)

(old)

i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make

(new)

my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me

caliber girl (nora)

(old)

唉～It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…

(new)

My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml

chocolate box girl (morgan)

(old)

i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this

(new)

girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!

taxidermy girl (mayra)

(old)

I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over

(new)

Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on

chemical girl (joy)

(old)

LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right

(new)

i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon

refraction girl (nataana)

(old)

i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better

(new)

talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that

nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)

(old)

I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.

(new)

I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!

#the post traumatic manifesto #tptm #refraction girl #weevildoing #splitter girl #nurse parallel #chocolate box girl #chemical girl #disposable girl #faineant girl #irreverent girl #taxidermy girl #caliber girl

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broidobe · 2 days ago

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𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔦𝔩𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔞𝔣𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔲𝔰

requested! this is a sequel to "the silence between us" so please read that first!

⁎⁺˳✧༚the silence between us

⁎⁺˳✧༚guns and roses masterlist

months had passed since that morning at the diner, but the weight of those final words lingered, heavy and unrelenting. life didn’t stop, though. the world outside moved on, indifferent to the pieces of your heart that axl’s temper had shattered. you’d left the city, settling in a quieter place where the nights didn’t hum with the sound of his voice echoing from crowded venues.

but even here, in this borrowed stillness, memories of him found you. it was in the songs on the radio, in the way the rain drummed against the roof, in the dreams that never quite faded upon waking. axl’s face was a ghost haunting the spaces between the mundane moments of your days.

you told yourself you were healing. maybe you even believed it sometimes.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

axl’s world had changed, too. the band was busier than ever, their shows selling out night after night. but fame didn’t erase the ache of loss. if anything, it amplified it. he buried himself in the music, in late-night sessions with his guitar, in lyrics scrawled on napkins and crumpled pieces of paper.

even so, he felt you everywhere. in the crowd’s faces when they screamed his name. in the empty hotel rooms after every show. in the way his bandmates stopped asking about you but still cast him worried glances when he’d retreat into himself. axl rose was larger than life to the world, but in the quiet of his own mind, he was just a man with too many regrets.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

it happened by accident, as these things often do. you hadn’t meant to be at the same venue where axl’s band was playing. a friend had dragged you to see the opening act, swearing up and down that they were the next big thing. you’d tried to leave before the main set, but the crush of the crowd had kept you pinned in place.

and then he was there. axl, stepping onto the stage, larger than life and painfully familiar. your breath caught as the spotlight hit him, and for a moment, you thought he saw you. but his eyes swept over the crowd, distant and unreadable.

you tried to leave again, but your feet wouldn’t move. his voice filled the room, raw and unyielding, and it was like no time had passed at all. the songs were the same—fierce, unapologetic—but there was something else now, a sadness woven through the notes. it was unmistakable, and it felt like he was bleeding out every unspoken word between you with each verse.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

against your better judgment, you waited outside the venue. the night air was cold, biting through your jacket, but you couldn’t leave. not yet.

when axl finally emerged, flanked by security, his eyes found yours instantly. he stopped, his expression shifting from shock to something softer, something fragile.

he waved off his entourage and walked toward you, his steps hesitant. “you’re here,” he said, his voice hoarse.

“so are you,” you replied, trying to keep your tone steady.

he laughed, a short, humorless sound. “i didn’t think i’d see you again.”

“neither did i.”

you stood there, the silence between you filled with all the things you wanted to say but couldn’t. finally, axl spoke.

“i’ve… i’ve been trying to be better. i don’t know if i’ll ever be good enough, but i had to tell you.”

tears pricked at your eyes again, but you blinked them away. “i know you’re trying, axl. but we… we can’t go back to what we were.”

his face fell, but he nodded. “i know. i just… i needed you to know i’m sorry.”

“i know,” you said softly. “and maybe someday, we’ll find our way back to something. but for now… take care of yourself, okay?”

he smiled faintly, the sadness in his eyes still there but tempered by acceptance. “you too.”

as you walked away, you felt lighter somehow. the pain wasn’t gone, but it was quieter now, like a wound finally beginning to heal.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

you didn’t turn back, but for the first time in months, you allowed yourself to smile. life would go on, and so would you both—separately, but with the echoes of what you’d shared lingering in the spaces between your steps.

#axl rose #angst #axl rose angst #axl gnr #axl rose x reader #guns and roses #gnr #guns n roses #broidobe

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tuesdaykiss · 7 hours ago

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“touching toes”

rafe cameron social media au

“he’s over more and more, had to give him a whole drawer. to be honest, kinda like seeing his trainers by the door.” — olivia dean, ‘touching toes’.

synopsis: after finishing her fashion studies at college in nyc, y/n moves to outerbanks to live with her grandparents. she worries about the loneliness that comes with being in a new place, knowing only her cousin topper and other relatives… that is until she is acquainted with a certain cameron.

part — 5 | 6 | 7

warning: mention of sex/implied sex (no smut)

masterlist

rafe staying the night was never an intended part of the plan. it had started out as a casual evening — just the two of you hanging out, getting to know each other and talking about nothing and everything at the same time. you spoke about everything from your love for ballet and studies in fashion, to his start in the business world and family life. by the time you had realised how late it was, you couldn’t exactly kick him out… it’s not like he was eager to leave either.

so, there you were — rafe cameron crashing at your place, sharing a bed like the night before. but this wasn’t just your place; it was your grandparents’ house…

morning came all too quickly. the low hum of your grandparents’ chatter pulled you from your slumber. you turned to look at rafe beside you, letting out a groggy “good morning!”, before the anxiety of your grandparents’ impending discovery of his presence in the house settled in your stomach.

not wanting to contemplate your grandparents’ possible reactions any longer, you headed to the kitchen to greet them, rafe following behind. your grandparents were familiar with the cameron family, having grown up on the same side of the island and given that rafe was their grandson’s lifelong best friend.

“good morning!” you shouted to the elderly pair, from the kitchen, alerting them to your presence, before turning to rafe, “pancakes alright?”

“pancakes are great,” he smiled, as you got to work on preparing breakfast for the two of you.

your story

just as a sigh of relief washed over you, at your grandparents’ lack of awareness regarding the cameron boy in their kitchen, your grandmother entered the room. the two of you were propped on the breakfast bar, tucking into the deliciously fluffy pancakes you had just made; a platter of varying berries sitting between you.

“morning y/n,” your grandmother began, before realising the presence of another, “oh, hello rafe, i wasn’t expecting you here, topper’s at home—”

interrupting her clear confusion, you said, “he’s here for me, nan. he came over last night, so i had a friend. by the time i’d stopped talking, it was too late to send him home!”

she laughed slightly, the idea of her granddaughter talking too much causing her amusement.

“i can get going, mrs thornton,” rafe started, “i didn’t mean to intrude!”

“oh, don’t be silly rafe, you’re always welcome!”

“could you maybe… not mention this to topper,” you spoke slowly, smiling at her with squinted eyes, as an attempt to persuade her.

“i didn’t see anything,” she replied, covering her eyes, which caused the two of you to laugh in response. it wasn’t long before your grandmother retreated back to the living room, and you were left alone with rafe once more.

rafe’s phone

having returned to your bedroom, you planted yourself cross-legged in the centre of your bed facing rafe, as he leaned against your headboard. the two of you were deep in conversation, until his phone began blowing up with notifications.

he attempted to ignore it at first, focusing all of his attention on you. but whoever it was, was persistent. “sorry,” he apologised, before turning to his phone, running his palm through his tousled hair as he did so.

“topper wants me to play golf.”

you feigned hurt, holding your hand to your chest, sucking in a breath before adding, “leaving me to hang out with my cousin?”

you could see your joke hadn’t landed how you’d hoped; merely referencing his own words from the day before. as he wiped his hand across his mouth, you pulled him out of his contemplation, “rafe, go, it’s fine. we’re fine.”

the pair of you smiled at one another, “i’ll text you, okay?”

“yeah, you better,” you laughed, swatting his chest softly.

and with that, you watched as he collected his belongings and did a little salute towards you before turning to leave your room.

“goodbye, mr and mrs thornton!” you heard him call out, a warm feeling filling your chest as you smiled.

but your subtle infatuation was soon replaced with wonder, confusion and questions. what was this, between you and rafe?

you hadn’t allowed yourself to acknowledge any sort of feelings towards the boy, given the complications they brought. the easy familiarity with your grandparents, his confidence and charm — you felt unbalanced. he was topper’s best friend, none of this should be happening… and yet it was.

the way his voice softened when he spoke to you. he wasn’t acting like a guy you’d just had a one night stand with; having sex with you because it was convenient. he was acting like he belonged here, in your life.

the uncertainty of it all was quite terrifying. but in the back of your mind, you wondered if you even wanted to figure it out… did you really need answers?

for now you just wanted to allow yourself to ravish in the thrill of the early stages; stepping into uncharted territory with rafe cameron… you’d figure out the complexities later.

a/n: i’m actually enjoying this (i’ve written 7 parts in one day)

taglist: @my-name-is-baby @yesshewrites1 @urbrunettebombshell @leather-n-velvet

#dividers by pommecita #rafe fanfiction #rafe cameron smau #rafe x reader #rafe imagine #rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe outer banks #outerbanks rafe #obx rafe cameron #rafe fluff #outer banks #social media au #social media #smau

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whateverisbeautiful · 1 day ago

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Do you think Rick ever attempted to tell Michonne how he felt about her? I wondered if he tried and got scared or someone interrupted them. How do you think Rick trying would have gone?

I really like this question too! I can absolutely see there being moments where Rick wanted to tell her how he feels and maybe even came close to before something stopped him. Since in TOWL he admitted he didn’t know what to do about being in love with her for a while there, I think those mints ended up being pretty important in helping him finally figure out how to let Michonne know how he feels about her.

This post actually feels like the perfect place to put my Part Two of what I think happened with Rick and Michonne during that time jump between No Way Out and The Next World because I address this question some more in my play-by-play. So this is Part Two - what I think happened in that time jump to make Rick and Michonne be like this the next time we see them in 6.10 ⬇️💗:

As always, my extra self has to start right from where they left off in No Way Out, which includes one of my favorite TWD episode endings when Rick speaks to Carl and then Carl ever-so-lightly takes his hand.

I’ve always loved the staging of that scene too with Michone holding Judith right outside the room. It’s such a visual confirmation of the family unit they are. And I can envision that when Rick notices that Carl took his hand he calls Michonne in to tell her about Carl’s movement and they're really happy and relieved and it’s a moment where it’s pretty hard to ignore how much the two of them feel like a mom and dad.

So then I’d think that Carl probably has to stay at the infirmary for a certain amount of time for Denise to monitor him in the earliest stages of his recovery. And Rick and Michonne visit every single day to be with Carl and help look after him. I feel like the community probably agreed that after NWO, Rick needs a little break from leadership so that he can focus on tending to Carl. So during this time, others step up around the community while Rick and Michonne have a lot more time to tend to Carl and be at home with Judith. I think spending all that time together really tightens Rick and Michonne’s bond even more.

And one of the biggest things I’m convinced we were robbed of seeing during this time jump is the increase in Richonne’s physical touch. I think Rick and Michonne got a lot more comfortable with showing affection through touch during this time. Nothing blatantly romantic of course but like those little low fives or nudges on the couch. They start doing those types of touches a lot more often. Along with ramping up the flirtation and the little glances that suggest this dynamic isn’t nearly as platonic as they’ve tried to act like it is because there’s some real yearning and desire evident during this time.

I can picture that there’s one night where maybe Michonne puts Judith to bed while Rick is downstairs putting away dishes and then on the way to her room they both just end up sitting on the couch and staying up late talking - something they subconsciously might have been more hesitant to do when Carl was in the house prior considering the whole son’s best friend/best friend’s dad thing. But while Carl is still in the infirmary, they end up feeling a bit more comfortable to spend this time together at night. And those nighttime chats then become a staple part of their daily routine that Rick and Michonne both really look forward to.

Like it’s so a part of their routine that even when they’re tired after a long day, they go to the couch instead of going to bed because they want to make sure they still get that time to decompress together.

And I think their conversations just flow so easily and they operate so organically as best friends, while also knowing it’s getting harder and harder to act like all they are is best friends. Especially when Rick decides to officially remove his wedding ring during this time - something I imagine Michonne did notice.

I feel like Judith also starts really clinging to Michonne like a mom during this time. Like I always love it when the baby who plays Judith reaches for Michonne during that 6.10 scene on the porch and even sounds like she says Michonne’s name. I always like to think that Judith feels so bonded to Michonne by that point.

And maybe Rick and Michonne even like to make predictions on when they think Judith will start crawling as they often like to smile over watching her "practice" on the baby monitor during their nighttime chats.

I can picture that on one of those nights, Rick thanks Michonne for saving his and Carl’s life when Ron had that gun on him and notes how she’s saved his life quite a few times and he feels like he owes her. And she’d tell him that he doesn’t owe her and again the silence after is so clearly her “because I love you and you’ve given me a whole family” but she doesn’t say all that and Rick doesn’t profess his love yet either. They just let the nice moment be.

So then there’s the portion of time when Carl can finally come home and Denise teaches Rick and Michonne what they’ll need to do with Carl home, like how to wrap his bandages and do physical therapy. With Carl home, I picture that Rick and Michonne get a good routine going of how to take care of him and help him during this time of adjusting to his new life with one eye. It's all just even more confirmation that the two of them parent and operate like a well-oiled machine.

Some days are smoother than others because I think Carl would understandably have some days where the recovery is frustrating for him. But Carl is a fighter too so overall he’s resilient and keeps a good spirit during recovery. And Rick and Michonne try to make things as smooth as possible for him and they’re able to lean on each other when it’s hard or emotional to see Carl struggling. They’re both just so grateful Carl is alive.

I think the four of them would have family dinner together every night and Carl can even peep that the bonding Rick and Michonne have done lately is so clearly because they’re into each other. Like I just know that the look Carl gave Michonne the morning after she was with Rick has to do with Carl being like I knew I was picking up on the right vibes in this house all this time. 😂

In my mind, I imagine that Michonne is best at changing the bandages so she often is the one who does that for Carl in the mornings. I think one of those mornings she’s getting ready for the day and realizes she’s out of toothpaste. So, wearing her robe and towel, she initially is going to ask Carl to borrow his before bandaging him but then she sees Rick’s bedroom door is open so she just asks him.

And Rick does have some toothpaste left and gives it to her while trying very hard to just seem casual about her showing up in her robe the first time lol. But he’s definitely not mad at the sight he sees. 😋

And then soon it just becomes a thing for Michonne to borrow Rick’s toothpaste in the mornings during their family's little morning routine.

Rick and Michonne still of course want to contribute to the community so Rick starts going back out on those runs with Daryl and Michonne takes on some guard shifts at the gate. Once again, I think Daryl is observant that Rick has been real cheery lately and he knows that, on top of the good news of Carl surviving and the community proving they’re capable of surviving too, it’s whatever Rick has going with Michonne that plays a big part in why he’s smiling and snapping to music on their supply runs.

I also think on Rick and Daryl's supply runs, Rick would always somehow find ways to bring up Michonne in their conversations - because he’s a man in love. And Rick thinks he’s bringing Michonne up casually and subtly but it’s not either of those things to Daryl lol. But again, Daryl mostly keeps those observations to himself, even tho the thought "if this idiot doesn't make a damn move on her already" likely crossed his mind at minimum three times.

There was a time when I would have thought that maybe Rick never outright told Daryl that he had fallen for Michonne pre-canon. But honestly seeing the way Rick is a guy who can wear his heart on his sleeve at times, I wouldn't be surprised if maybe he did open up to Daryl more straightforwardly about how he's in love with his son's best friend and doesn't exactly know how to best proceed. And Daryl is a man of few words but I'd imagine that even the few words he'd offer up about the situation would be somehow helpful or reassuring to his brother.

And then, even with Carl home, Rick and Michonne definitely still continue to have their nighttime chats between just the two of them. Even tho now maybe sometimes Carl will come downstairs for water or a snack and be like 'you guys are still up talking?' 🤭

I do think there could have been one night where they were talking and laughing, and everything in Rick wanted to just tell Michonne how he feels and even lean in and kiss her. Because again, he’s aware during this time that he’s in love with her.

Like maybe there’s a moment where Michonne even asks about why he stopped wearing the ring, sorta like how she asked Carl why he stopped wearing the sherrif hat in season 4. And Rick is about to say something about how it didn’t feel right anymore to wear the ring while he’s in love with someone else and he’d turn that into the moment he tells Michonne how he feels about her…But I bet they do have something that interrupts his chance. Like maybe Judith starts crying or Carl or Daryl walks into the kitchen or something so they sorta have to just let the moment pass again.

While Michonne would have reacted really positively to Rick professing his feelings for her at any point during this time jump, I think the actual timing of how Richonne got together ended up being perfect for them. After all the build-up of their slow burn, I think it’s better that their first officially romantic moment didn’t have to be a whole conversation but rather them just leading with their hearts and being passionately in the moment, rather than Rick perhaps directly telling her he’s fallen for her and maybe nervously adding something like “if that’s too much right now I understand” like the talk they had in 4.11.

But I think these unseen time jump exchanges where Rick hoped to “find his moment," is also part of why Rick had that look that he had just before he kissed Michonne in 6.10. In that scene, I always feel like he looked at her like I think this might finally be my uninterrupted chance to kiss her and oh wow she looks like she wants me to.

I also feel like some of Rick’s hesitation to make a move before 6.10 was because he really didn’t want to potentially ruin what they have now by moving too fast or escalating in a way that Michonne may not want. So I think he just decided in his mind that if ever she gives the green light then he won’t hold back in letting her know how he feels, but he’ll wait until she’s comfortable enough for that.

Until then, he’s just loving all their little exchanges throughout the day. And Michonne loves it too. She’s also aware she’s fallen in love with him by this point, but Rick is her best friend’s dad and they have such a good thing going as a family that I think she too is hesitant to make her feelings known and find out if it’s mutual. So like Rick, she's working up to it. Especially with Deanna’s final words to her ringing through her mind often during this time - “What do you want? Now you go figure it out.”

But one morning, Michonne remembers that she still doesn’t have toothpaste of her own so she goes up to Rick’s room to borrow it like she normally does. However, this time he’s all out too. And so is Carl.

All of them being out of toothpaste ends up being a blessing in disguise tho. Because fortunately, this is also the same day Rick very intentionally finds the perfect minty alternative. 😌

And those mints lead to Rick and Michonne finally acting on all the blatant love, desire, and sexual tension that they’d been steaming up the house with the last few weeks.

And that’s my 'little' detailed play-by-play of what I think life was like for Rick and Michonne during that very impactful Season 6 time jump. 👌🏽😊

Also, I had said in Part One that this Part Two would possibly be less lengthy, but I checked and this one is longer than the first. �� They were just too fun to write and imagine. Thanks for reading them! I really do appreciate each person who takes the time to read my thoughts. 🙏🏽💕

#richonne #reflecting on richonne #asks & answers

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loverangels · 1 day ago

Note

Paul Ateridas x reader

Paul gets sick because of his visions and the stress of it all

I apologise for the extremely late delay 😞

𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩

You woke up in the dim, soft light of the room on Arrakis, a quiet sense of worry settling into your chest as soon as you noticed the warmth radiating from Paul’s body. He was curled up on his side, face scrunched in discomfort, his usually calm and collected expression replaced by the faint traces of exhaustion.

“Paul?” You whispered gently, brushing the damp strands of hair from his forehead, trying not to wake him too suddenly. His skin was warmer than usual, his breath shallow as he shifted restlessly. You could feel the slight tremor in his hand where it rested against your waist, and your heart ached seeing him like this.

The visions had been particularly bad lately—he’d hardly spoken about them, but you knew. You always knew when he was overwhelmed.

"Paul," you said again, a little firmer this time. "Baby, are you okay?"

His eyes fluttered open slowly, blinking against the soft light, and for a moment, he looked dazed, like he wasn’t entirely sure where he was. His hand tightened around yours, pulling you closer, though he still tried to keep his voice steady, despite how worn out he sounded. "I'm fine, love. Just... just a little tired."

You raised an eyebrow, not buying it for a second. "Tired, huh? You’re burning up, my poor sunshine," you teased softly, leaning down to press a soft kiss to his temple, your lips lingering there for a moment, just enough to soothe him.

He groaned, but you could tell it wasn’t out of annoyance. "I don’t need you fussing over me," he muttered, but the words were weak, and you could hear the exhaustion lacing his voice.

You smiled gently, brushing your thumb across his jaw. "I don’t care if you don’t need me to fuss. You do need to rest, my love. You’re sick, and I’m not going anywhere until you let me take care of you."

Paul tried to sit up, his movements sluggish, but you softly placed a hand on his chest to keep him lying down. "Stay, please. Just for a little while." His voice had the softest plea in it, and your heart melted, knowing how hard it was for him to admit that he needed help.

"Okay, baby. You can stay in my arms all you want," you said with a smile, pressing your lips to his forehead again, this time leaving a lingering kiss there. "I’m here. Always."

He let out a soft sigh and melted back into the pillows, his face still flushed with fever, but his eyes were calmer now, more at peace. "I don’t know what I’d do without you," he whispered, his arms wrapping around you tightly as if he never wanted to let you go.

You grinned and kissed his cheek, planting little pecks all over his face, his nose, his eyelids, and finally, his lips. "You’d be a hot mess without me, Atreides," you teased, your fingers running through his hair. He hummed in contentment, his face softening at your touch.

"Stop," he murmured with a small, playful smile, even though you knew he loved it. "I’m supposed to be the one taking care of you."

"Well, you can take care of me later, my love," you said sweetly, curling up beside him, resting your head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. "Right now, I’m the one taking care of you."

He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head, his voice low and warm. "You’re the best... my sweet little nurse.

You giggled and snuggled even closer to him, feeling his arms wrap around you protectively. "Only for you, sunshine. Only for you."

His breathing slowed as he relaxed into your arms, his feverish heat still there but softened by your soothing presence. "You’re perfect," he whispered sleepily. "Just perfect."

You smiled, pressing your lips to his cheek once more, your fingers tracing circles on his chest as you both drifted into a peaceful, comfortable silence. "I love you, Paul. Rest, my love. I’ve got you."

And in that moment, the world outside—whatever visions were haunting him, whatever weight he carried—didn’t matter. Because here, in your arms, was the only place he could truly relax. And you weren’t going anywhere.

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thatapostateboy · 1 day ago

Text

sleep awake

Pairing: Lucanis Dellamorte (and Spite) x Rook x Davrin - pre-relationship

Word Count: 3142

Synopsis: Lucanis falls asleep making breakfast, and Rook orders him to rest, under Davrin's watch - a confusion of feelings ensue

Note: this has no set place in the timeline, it's pure vibes only, all you need to know is that Rook (Eva) and Davrin have been hooking up since Weisshaupt, but she's also a lil in love with Lucanis

Crossposted: Here on AO3

Lucanis swore he only closed his eyes for a second. Enough to let out an exhausted exhale before continuing with the hearty porridge he had been making for breakfast, but he snapped back to consciousness with a call of his name, too late to stop himself before he hit the floor hard, the bowl he had been reaching for shattering on impact around him.

Rook was up from the table and at his side first, Taash and Harding, who had all been sat chatting around the breakfast table together, quickly behind her. Davrin glanced up as well where he was sat with one leg cocked up on the table, chipping away at some new carving, but did not rise from his seat.

“Are you alright?” Rook asked, reaching for him, hands guiding him to not lean on any of the broken crockery as he attempted to stand.

“I’m fine,” he insisted, relenting a little as Rook guided him to sit against one of the counters instead, wincing a little at the knock he’d taken to his shoulder, “Must have just slipped.”

Spite was watching from the periphery of his vision, had clearly been waiting to jump in control once his guard was down. But there was no teasing or temper, instead he was pacing back and forth, watching Rook fuss over him.

“He fell asleep,” Taash said from behind them all.

“I did not,” he protested.

“Uh, yeah you did,” they folded their arms across their chest, “You were stirring the porridge, you closed your eyes and then you went down like a sack of potatoes.”

“When did you last get some rest?” Rook’s eyes widened a little, as they always did when she worried about him.

“Always concerned about you,” Spite hummed, crouching down beside him to lean in closer to Rook’s face, “Smells like chocolate and salt and want.

“I…” he tried to ignore the purple visage, focusing on the elf in front of him, “You know I don’t sleep.”

“Well, you need to.”

He waved her off, grabbing the countertop and pulling himself back onto his feet, “I’m fine.”

Her hands went to her hips, head tilted to look up at him, “You literally just passed out making breakfast.”

“I’ll have some more coffee and I will be ready to go,” he said, “You’ve got business in Rivain, I’ll finish breakfast and we can get going.”

“No,” she said firmly, “You can’t keep pushing your body like this. You’re going to get yourself or someone around you hurt.”

“And if Spite takes over?” he asked.

“Then one of us will watch you, wake you if we have to. But you have to rest.”

“Rook, I-”

“No.”

“Eva-”

He watched her eyes soften as he used her real name, but she held firm, “No. I’m benching you. Stay here and sleep. Boss’ orders.”

“Boss Rook,” Spite cooed as Lucanis’ form straightened up a little.

She turned from him before he could protest again, asking Harding if she’d be okay to gear up and come to Rivain with her and Taash instead of Lucanis, as the assassin busied himself cleaning up the broken bowl and finishing off breakfast.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched her take a seat on the edge of the table, hand rested on the Warden’s leg as they began to converse quietly.

“You say. Rude to stare,” Spite reminded him, and he turned his head away to finish his task.

Across the room, Eva traced the pattern on the stitching of Davrin’s trousers, the pair playfully avoiding each other’s eye contact as he pretended to be more engrossed in his carving.

“Would you do me a favour today?” she asked.

He glanced at her, a dark eyebrow cocked, “You want me to watch him? Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“I’d do it myself, but I promised Taash we’d head out to the coast to fight some Antaam. And I trust you the most to look out for him,” she said, “And I know you bicker, but he trusts you too.”

“Really?”

“Hey, you two have buried the hatchet since Weisshaupt. And you’re both…” she trailed off a little, unsure how to word the fact that they were her two favourite people in the whole world without opening herself up to the vulnerability of that sentiment. She tucked a lock of dark hair behind her ear instead, “Besides if you won’t do it for him, will you do it for me?”

He pondered for a moment, recognising the gleam in her eye before he sighed, “Fine, but you owe me.”

She smiled, “I’m sure I can find a way to repay you,”

“You’re a tease, you know that?”

“I do,” she leaned forward and brushed a kiss against his mouth, “But you enjoy it.”

They all enjoyed a quiet breakfast together, nothing more said about the incident in the kitchen this morning, though Eva noted that Lucanis was particularly quiet, pointedly eating his porridge and not replying to Spite as he was known to do. Compliments were passed around about the breakfast, as usual, Manfred insisting on cleaning up, with Emmrich to watch him to ensure that nothing was broken in his ward’s eagerness.

Harding, Taash and Eva readied themselves to head out through the Eluvian, Bellara and Neve joining them to take a jaunt into the Crossroads, Emmrich taking some time with Manfred and Assan both in an attempt to run them ragged. Eva had spoken a few more quiet words to Davrin before leaving, stopping in front of Lucanis who was nursing a cup of coffee in the library to take his hand in hers and insist once again that he get some rest, turning to address the air and tell Spite to behave.

Before he could register the warmth in his chest and the fact that Spite was near bouncing up and down because Eva had spoken to him directly, she was gone, down the stairs and headed to the Eluvian.

“C’mon.”

He glanced up to see Davrin stood over him with folded arms.

“What?” the assassin asked.

“Rook said you gotta sleep. She told me to watch you so the demon doesn’t escape,” he nodded to the door, “So c’mon.”

Lucanis dragged himself to his feet, the pair of them sharing a begrudging expression, knowing that this was neither of their first choice, but neither of them were going to defy what Eva had asked for.

They walked out into the courtyard side by side, Lucanis faltering in his step as he saw Davrin divert to his quarters.

“Where are you going?” he frowned.

“What? Did you think I was just going to post up like a guard and watch you sleep?” Davrin asked.

Lucanis followed him up the steps, brushing past him as the Warden held the door open to allow him entry, “I figured you’d bar the door and sit outside it.”

“Figured we might as well try and make this comfortable,” Davrin shrugged a little, “And if Spite gets jumpy, I know my room better than yours.”

“Smart.”

Lucanis had not spent much time in Davrin’s room, the pair of them generally avoiding each other when the Warden had joined their party, and even once they had formed their somewhat truce, he found no reason to just hang out in search of conversation. If he wanted company, there would always be someone in the dining area or library, and if Davrin happened to be there, then so be it. Besides, it was the worst kept secret in their group that if Rook and Davrin were having some private time, they would be holed up in Davrin’s quarters, so it would be better for everyone not to enter the Warden’s chambers without knocking first and having a damn good reason to be disturbing them.

Davrin gestured towards the bed that was tucked in the corner, “Have at it.”

Lucanis awkwardly toed off his boots, but was stopped from crawling into the bed by a scoff from Davrin, “What?”

“That’s what you’re going to sleep in?” the elf cocked his head a little, “Do all you Crows sleep fully clothed or is this just a you thing?”

Spite appeared at Davrin’s shoulder, sniffing curiously, “Warden wants. To see what’s under.”

“Unlike you, I do not sleep naked,” Lucanis bit back, earning a smirk from Davrin that sent a spark of warmth right to his gut.

Davrin held his hands up, “Just want you to be comfortable. Don’t want your fancy silk vest getting creased.”

Lucanis sighed, swiftly unbuttoning the vest and set it aside before climbing effortlessly into the bed, feeling uneasy at the amount of tension that left his body simply by laying down on a comfortable mattress.

Davrin clambered in next to him, boots also off, shirt still on though those low collars of his could barely be counted as such. His much larger body blocked off the easy exit from the bed, trapping Lucanis, and Spite, against the wall. Lucanis watched the Warden take out a book from his bedside table, flick open to a marked page and begin reading.

“Y’know, most people close their eyes when they’re going to sleep,” Davrin said in a low voice, eyes not moving from the page.

“Are you reading a romance novel?” Lucanis frowned.

“Maybe,” Davrin spared him a glance, “Problem with that?”

“Not at all,” the assassin admitted.

“Thought I’d want something with more monsters and thrill?”

“Perhaps.”

“Rook said it was good,” he said, “And I trust her judgement.”

“She does have good taste,” Lucanis agreed, feeling a warmth in his cheeks as Davrin’s eyes met his, quickly rolling onto his side, face somewhat buried in the pillow.

“Get some sleep. I’ll wake you if Spite causes any trouble.”

Lucanis closed his eyes, feeling the pull of sleep dragging him into unconsciousness, his last waking thought was that the pillow smelled like Rook.

Spite sat in wait, watching over Lucanis as he drifted off, knowing that he could take control now. But with the Warden so close, he would not get very far. So, he crouched on the edge of the bed, watching the elf curiously as he read.

He had hated Davrin at first. He threatened Lucanis, threatened him, and worst of all, when he came to the Lighthouse, Rook changed. Rook had only ever looked at Lucanis, and them, with that smile and those eyes, and then the Warden had arrived, and she gave him that smile too, looked at him the way she looked at them. And after Weisshaupt, the smells had changed. She still smelled of chocolate and salt, but there was always a hint of something else.

Gingerwort and wood shavings.

He had been viciously jealous at first, encouraging Lucanis to get the Warden out of the way, not wanting to have to share Rook’s attention. But as his temper had cooled, he had seen that Rook cared for the Warden, could not bare to see them fight, so they would keep the Warden around; to make her happy. If he and Lucanis ever agreed on one thing, it was that they would never do anything to intentionally hurt Rook, even if Lucanis would never admit his feelings for her out loud.

And somewhere over the weeks, even Lucanis had relented, finding somewhat of a kinship with the Warden. Not a friendship, not like the nights when he would laugh with the book club or share a drink with Rook, but an understanding was there that Spite could not quite get his head around.

So he watched, and he waited, taking in the line of the Warden’s nose, the ripple of his muscles, the curve of his bottom lip. For their animosity, Lucanis looked, and when Lucanis looked, so did Spite. Spite had only wanted Rook, and the Warden was nothing like Rook, save for their pointed ears. The Warden was not small, able to fit into their arms, if only Lucanis would let them hold her, did not smell like chocolate or buy them knives. But the jealously he had once felt had relented into a fire in his chest whenever he saw the Warden hold Rook, saw how she kissed him, and touched him. If Rook enjoyed how the Warden held her, would he? Would Lucanis?

It felt like hours he sat for, as the Warden read his book, head tilted in curiosity at every smile, every soft chuckle, even the slightest hint of warmth and shift in his scent at whatever words he read on the page.

Finally, he finished his book, hands now resting on his stomach, glancing around as though wondering what to do now, but not wanting to move too far from Lucanis. Spite watched as the Warden shimmied down into the bed, getting comfortable on his side, and soon enough, fall asleep himself. He observed a little while longer, curiosity eating at him as the Warden succumbed to a deeper sleep, Lucanis not even disturbed by the shifting body beside him, a wry grin crossing his face as the pair instinctively moved closer together, the Warden’s arm reaching out to wrap around Lucanis.

It was some time later that Davrin awoke sharply. He felt something move under his hand, and he subconsciously wrapped his arm tighter around it, at first thinking it Eva shifting in her sleep before he remembered his charge, and tightened his hold even more, curling his arm around Lucanis to hold him in place.

“Spite,” he said in a low, warning tone, “Don’t.”

“Warden no fun,” Spite grumbled, “Light sleeper.”

He cracked his eyes open to see Spite wiggling in his grasp, turning so that they were lying face to face, the purple light in the assassin’s eyes a little unnerving so close, but he didn’t relent his hold.

“Lucanis needs to sleep,” he told him, “If he stays awake much longer it might kill him, which will definitely be no fun for you.”

He grumbled again, “Don’t want him dead. Just want. To see.”

“All you’re seeing today is me, I’m afraid,” Davrin said, “You gotta let him rest.”

Spite quieted down for a little while, the pair simply taking in the other’s features as they lay so close.

“Pretty Warden.”

Davrin’s eyebrows rose, “What?”

“Warden is pretty,” Spite told him, “Lucanis thinks so.”

“Does he now?”

“Won’t say, won’t ever say. Thinks Rook is pretty too. Pretty together. Beautiful. Won’t let me tell. Never lets me tell.”

Davrin gave a soft chuckle, “Well this definitely isn’t the conversation I thought I’d be having with you… don’t tell Lucanis, but he’s not so bad himself.”

“Won’t tell,” he said, and it felt like a promise from his tone, “Pretty Warden. Smell like…” he sniffed harshly, “Gingerwort and wood shavings and… chocolate.”

“Chocolate?”

Spite nodded, “Smell like Rook. Chocolate and salt.”

“Do you smell Rook often?”

He shook his head to himself at the smile that played on Spite’s mouth, but they both glanced up at the sound of the door opening and he felt Spite vibrate in his arms as he recognised the presence.

“Y’know,” Eva said, rounding the corner to stand at the foot of the bed, “When I asked you to keep an eye on him, this isn’t what I meant.”

Davrin flushed a little, taking stock of the fact that he was laying with Lucanis’ sleeping form tucked comfortably, “Was the easiest way to keep Spite in check.”

“Uh huh…” she nodded, “You got room for one more?”

“Really?”

“Yeah, as long as you don’t mind me interrupting?”

“Not at all,” he said.

She clambered into the bed, tucking herself in on the other side of Lucanis, feeling him turn to nuzzle in closer to her warmth.

“Chocolate and salt,” Spite hummed, “Rook.”

She gave him a smile, “Hey Spite.”

“Pretty Warden said Lucanis need sleep.”

Rook laughed softly, “The pretty Warden’s right.”

“No fun.”

“Is this not fun?” she teased, tracing the line of his jaw with her fingertip. She felt the shiver of Lucanis’ skin under her touch, and the heat of Davrin’s gaze over his shoulder as he watched her interact with the demon.

“Lucanis won’t let me. Says it’s too dangerous.”

“You let me handle him,” she said, “Why don’t you lay here with me and Davrin for a little longer? And when our Crow’s had some sleep, I’ll talk to Luca about rewarding you somehow.”

Spite preened under the attention, “You. Spite’s favourite.”

He settled fully at her insistence, but kept watch as both Davrin and Rook found rest of their own, falling asleep with their hands rested on his waist.

Lucanis’ eyes opened to find himself face to face with Davrin, warmer and more comfortable than he had been in far longer than he could comprehend, almost sluggish with how much sleep he had managed to get.

“Mierda.”

“For full transparency,” Davrin mumbled his own eyes barely open, “Everyone remained fully clothed.”

A shame, Spite hissed in his ears.

Lucanis frowned sleepily, “Spite didn’t try to leave?”

“Oh, he did,” Davrin told him, “We convinced him to let you sleep.”

“We?”

Chocolate and salt!

He glanced over to see Rook curled up behind him, face buried against his shoulder blades right where Spite’s wings would unfurl, her own arms wrapped around him, to keep him close.

“Mierda,” he whispered again.

She began to shift at the sound of voices, the warmth of her breath against his skin as she let out a soft yawn, stretching, the softness of her body pressing against him.

“Luca? You okay?”

Her brown eyes were wide, that concerned look back once again. His mouth flapped, trying to wrap his head around the entire situation, how he had ended up from being forced into a nap under guard to waking up in the arms of one person he desired desperately and another that he had begun to change his feelings on, resigning himself to never having either of them; least of all because they had each other first. And somehow most confusing of all was that the demon that possessed him, that kept him from sleep, that would take control and be a danger to others, had let him rest; not because he was threatened, but because he was held.

She offered him a soft smile as she noted the flush in his cheeks, “Don’t think I’ve seen our Crow blush quite like that before.”

Our Crow, Spite crooned in his ears, Ours. Theirs. Our Warden. Our Rook. Wood shavings and chocolate.

Lucanis sat up quickly, breaking the embrace and clambering gracelessly out of the bed, Spite cursing him as he leapt up, grabbing his boots and waistcoat, “I should go. I need to clear my head.” They both called after him, but he kept walking.

#lucanis gets EEPY and ends up in the throuple of his dreams - that's the concept #dragon age #dragon age the veilguard #datv #veilguard spoilers #davrin #lucanis dellamorte #spite dellamorte #rookanis #davrook #davrookanis #davrin x rook x lucanis #davrin x lucanis #writing

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witchygagirlwrites · 2 days ago

Text

Broken Bonds- Part 13

Former (ish) Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz x Reader, BabyDaddy! Jay Halstead x Reader

Adeline Halstead makes her way into the world (Dad! Jay Fluff)

Warnings: childbirth?

Jay shifted in his sleep, hand unconsciously reaching out to find you. When he didn’t touch a shoulder or your stomach his eyes flew open. Your side of the bed was empty where just a couple hours before you’d been fast asleep even before he could get off the phone with Will. He knew he should probably have stopped staying at your place months before but he’d slept more the last few months than he had in years. If Mouse found out, well that wouldn’t help his argument that anything between the two of you was simply your friendship and the baby. He really didn’t want to hurt someone he loved as much as he loved Mouse any more than he had but you were to the point in your pregnancy now it was a little too late to stop staying with you, considering your water could break at any time.

He tossed the blankets off and threw his legs over the side of the bed. The bathroom door was open so that was out. He stood, wiping a hand across his face as he walked to the bedroom door to open it. The moment he stepped into the living room he knew where you were because the yellow glow of the lamp you’d picked for Addy’s room was shining under the door which was barely cracked open.

He walked past the couch and saw your favorite throw blanket which meant you’d been up for a while and hadn’t woken him like you’d promised you would. He shook his head as he got closer and he could hear light music playing from your phone, you were going through her clothes for the thousandth time. He silently pushed the door open and leaned one shoulder against the doorframe to watch the sight in front of him.

You weren’t ashamed of your pregnancy belly by any means but on a day to day basis you mainly wore work appropriate maternity attire. This though, this was what he loved to see. You moved around the room wearing a maternity camisole and a pair of sleep shorts. Maybe it was his “caveman” brain like you teased him about but something about seeing you, your stomach swollen big with his daughter and so damn relaxed with a small smile on your face, braids falling out where Stella had put them up a day before that tugged at him. You were always talking about how your body was never going to be the same but he’d never seen a more beautiful sight.

“Miss Kidd, are you planning to sleep any before Adeline gets here?” he asked and you looked over your shoulder at him with a small shrug “My hips hurt too bad to lay in the bed too long. I tried going back to sleep but I kept moving around so much I was afraid I’d wake you up” “That’s when you should wake me up!” he argued, walking further into the room “what if the hip pain was labor trying to start?”

You put your hands on your hips and raised an eyebrow “Then my god call Dr Asher! I’ve been in labor for months!” he shook his head with a laugh “One thing for certain she’s gonna be sarcastic” you laughed at that before motioning at him “I know you’re not trying to say that gene would only coming from me Halstead” “Maybe a little would come from me” he teased with a grin. You shoved his bare shoulder lightly, a smile slipping onto your face “I’m just putting up the outfits Chief Boden bought her”

He nodded “Ok, want some help?” you pointed to a pink gift bag sitting across the room “There’s some socks and hairbows in there if you want to add them to her drawer. We really need to figure out a division of her stuff like that between here and your place. Maybe do a week by week thing? Or depending on when she’s where?”

He nodded as he listened to you “Whatever you want to do. I think a week by week thing would be confusing to us though” you laughed lightly “Yeah probably” between both of you her stuff was put away in no time. You’d already packed her hospital bag with so many outfits he was certain there was no way she’d go through that many the three days you’d be in there but he hadn’t questioned it.

Once you were satisfied he gently put his hands on your shoulders that were left bare from the camisole, feeling just how warm they were under his hands. One good thing about you being pregnant was before you were always freezing in cold weather but Addy had turned you into a human furnace. There were nights he tried to sleep in a shirt or sweatpants and nearly melted.

“C’mon. I need some sleep” he steered you towards the bedroom and you let him but looked over your shoulder as you went, trusting him to guide you “You can sleep without me Jay” he nodded “Yeah but I don’t like sleeping knowing you’re up because what if something happened and I didn’t hear you?” you rolled your eyes but he could see the tiny smile pulling at your lips “You’re unbelievable”

He grinned at you “I could also use the excuse that you don’t want me tired when I’m out in the field to guilt you into sleeping” and that earned him a glare “If you weren’t my daughter’s father I swear there are times I may shoot you” he laughed as he opened the bedroom door and steered you towards your side of the bed “No you wouldn’t because I’ve been a pain in your ass for years and yet I’ve never gotten shot well not from you anyways” you climbed into the bed and shook your head at him “Ass” he winked at you and climbed into bed next to you “Night”

“Aren’t you supposed to be on maternity leave?” Kevin asked as he sat down on the edge of your desk while you typed. You shrugged “Technically. I’m not doing anything but desk work, not interacting with perps.No heavy lifting so the ivory tower doesn’t really care since she’s still snug as a bug inside me”

“Snug as a bug? Really?” he laughed and you shrugged, biting back a laugh yourself “So much baby stuff rhymes Kevin! So much!” he shook his head “It is good to see you laughing. I’m gonna miss seeing you at work while you’re out” you grinned up at him “Well my apartment is on your way to and from work so you could always stop by uncle Kev” he winked at you “Believe me mama I will. Addy is gonna know my voice, wait till she cries for me over you or Jay”

“That ain't happening Kev, sorry man” Jay’s voice drifted up from the stairs and you shook your head “I swear that man has sonic hearing when she is mentioned” him and Hailey made it up and she grinned at you “And selective hearing when she isn’t” you pointed at her and nodded “See? Upton gets me on a spiritual level! If I am marrying anyone it’s her”

“You’d make a gorgeous june bride” she told you with a wink as she walked past to her desk.Kevin looked from you to her then at Jay “Man I think you and Mouse both done lost a shot” Jay shook his head “I was never trying to have a shot, I’m just her daughter’s father. Mouse on the other hand, he may have to admit defeat to a better opponent”

You shot Hailey a look and she cleared her throat “Change of subject” both Kevin and Jay nodded “I got access to that bank account” Kevin told Jay who raised an eyebrow “Anything out of the ordinary?” The two went into a conversation running down the deposits and withdrawals so you mouthed a thank you to Hailey who simply smiled. She was becoming a life line when it came to calming things at work.

______________

It wasn’t that you minded Kevin joking like that, you knew him of all people didn’t mean anything bad. It was just when Jay made comments like that, no matter how he meant them that same guilt would flare up in your chest. Jay was such a good man. He was strong, brave, handsome and already excited to be the best father he could be. You were bringing a life into the world with him, sharing a bed with him most nights and did have love for him but it just wasn’t the same way you loved Mouse. How did that make him feel? What thoughts went through his head that he’d never give voice to for fear of hurting one of you?

You leaned back in your chair, running a hand over your stomach. The skin was stretched tight enough you were applying lotion multiple times a day to keep the skin from splitting anymore. The stretch marks you had were already astronomical. When Mouse had gotten the use of an office for a zoom call and seen your stomach the look in his eyes had been such a mixed bag;

“Well, can I see?” Mouse asked and you raised an eyebrow “See what?” he laughed lightly “The stomach sweetheart. Always been curious what you’d look like” “Oh, are you sure?” you asked, looking over at Stella who was across her living room watching you. She shrugged as he said “I mean if it makes you uncomfortable no but if you're comfortable showing me then yeah” “Ok” you agreed and stood up.

You uncurled the blanket from around your shoulders and turned to the side so he could get the full effect. “Damn” you cut your eyes back at the screen with a grimace “That bad?” but he shook his head “You’re absolutely beautiful” the smile he gave you made your heart flip but his eyes still held that touch of sadness that tugged your heart. You ran a hand over the top of your stomach and Addy stretched her leg out causing your stomach to jump and he laughed “She’s strong already, I saw that clear even over the screen” “She’s gonna be boxing by kindergarten” you laughed and he nodded “Never doubted that for a second”

Even looking at your stomach swollen with Jay’s baby he’d told you how much he loved you before telling Stella to take care of herself and you then he had to end the call.

“She kicking?” Kevin asked and you blinked a few times to get your mind back on the conversation happening around you. At least you’d been halfway paying attention to your computer. “If you can call it kicking, she’s almost out of room” you told him, cutting your eyes at Jay hoping he hadn’t noticed your mind had drifted. You weren’t conflicted like you had been or guilty like you had been.

You were still very much in love with Mouse, yeah but there were still months before he’d be home and you weren’t sure if in action he could handle this. Besides, even when he got home he had to go to Georgia for training. You couldn't stand in the way of his career and you weren’t being away from Addy or taking her anywhere that far from Jay so you and him would be separated for that time too. The fear still remained of him coming back just to officially walk away from you.

Jay smirked when he saw your attention was on him “Want me to talk louder so she moves even more?” you grinned “Don’t you dare” his smirk deepened “Oh, that sounded like a challenge” you shook your head “Jay!”

He grinned as he stood out of his chair and stalked over towards you “C’mon sweetheart I just wanna talk to my little girl” you shook your head “No, go sit down” he mock pouted “That’s mean” you laughed “Don’t do that pouting. You talk to her enough” he took another step towards you and you held up a hand “Jay!” by then Hailey was even grinning at the show the two of you were putting on.

You shook your head “Kim and Adam are due back anytime from talking to his C.I. and Voight should be off the line with his contact any minute” Jay nodded “Even more of a reason to let me talk to her! I may have to gear up and roll out” your mouth fell open in shock. Was he really gonna do that? When you didn’t say anything else he grinned proudly and closed the distance between the two of you, squatting to be in front of your chair “Babygirl, it’s daddy. Wake up and let mama know you’re there”

The moment he spoke it felt like she rolled her entire body. You groaned and he laughed lightly “I’m sorry sweetheart but I love how she reacts to me” you glared at him, rubbing a hand over whatever body part was slamming into your side “She’s always reacted like that to your voice but wait until she gets out. I get to hand her to you and take a nap” he rubbed a hand over your stomach before standing up then he leaned down to brush a kiss against your temple “I look forward to it”

After Adam and Kim came back they had a cell number for you to run which gave a possible address. “Ok, let's gear up and roll out” Hank ordered once you sent the tracking to Hailey’s phone. Jay stepped over to your desk and leaned over you, running a hand across your stomach as he kissed the top of your head “Please stay up here. Don’t go downstairs unless Platt walks with you” you rolled your eyes at the reminder but nodded nonetheless “I know this Jay, I’m not trying to go into labor on the stairs. Be safe and get the team back in one piece”

He grinned at you “Don’t worry, I’ll always come back to my babygirl” and tapped his st michael pendant before following everyone downstairs.

_______________________

You were finishing up Adam’s and Kevin’s back reports for them. They hated doing them and you needed busy work. You ran a hand over your stomach, a gasp leaving you when a particularly hard nudge took your breath. “Addy calm down” your hips were aching and your lower back felt like a truck was sitting on it.

Maybe you needed to move around a little? Maybe it would help the muscles in your lower body loosen up or even help her move around to a more comfortable position? You pushed back from your desk so you could stand up but the moment you did a gush of warm liquid rushed from your core, soaking your inner thighs and some of the floor under you. You stared down at it in shock for a moment before reality set in. Your water just broke.

Your water just broke, you were alone and Jay was in the field. Ok, Trudy. You reached for your phone as a contraction hit that nearly buckled you. You clutched the edge of the desk, concentrating on your breathing until it passed. You grabbed your phone and hit Trudy’s number “Hey sweetheart, something wrong?” she answered and you laughed painfully, holding your lower back “I’m alone up here and my water just broke” “Oh my god! Ok, I’m coming!” you heard the gate pop as she spoke and laid the phone down.

You felt her hands on your shoulders as she eased you back down into the chair “Just breathe. I’ll call a bus” you shook your head “Jay’s not here” She grabbed your phone and hit Jay’s number as she hit 911 with her own. She passed you your phone as she spoke into hers, it sounded like she was talking to Sylvie.

Tears hit your eyes when Jay answered on the second ring “What’s wrong?” “My water broke Jay. Trudy ordered an ambulance but I don’t want to go without you” “Shit, I’m coming sweetheart.I’ll beat the ambo there I promise you..VOIGHT” you heard him telling Hank what was going on and Hank telling Hailey to handle the scene and for Jay to get into his suv. “Hey sweetheart, I’m on the way to you. Talk to me”

You laughed around the pain hitting you “I know it’s serious for you to ride with Hank willingly” “Only for you and her” he chuckled. Trudy had hollered downstairs for a uniform to let the ambulance up as soon as they got there. “They’re five minutes out” she told you once she hung up “And your sister is coming with them” you smiled at hearing Stella was on her way too.

“We’re three out” you heard Hank say and inhaled through your teeth “Do not wreck with Jay in the car Voight!” you heard Hank laugh “Love you too Kidd!” “Don’t worry, I’ll be there” Jay promised.

Before another contraction could hit fully, you heard Jay’s voice from downstairs “MOVE!” the moment you saw him coming up the stairs a part of you relaxed. He was to your side in an instant, Trudy moving to let him take her place. “I’m sorry” you whispered and he shook his head “For what?” you laughed as a contraction hit “She waited till you left” he slipped his hand into yours, urging you to squeeze as it hurt “It’s ok. I’m here now”

You heard Stella’s voice and leaned over onto Jay. “I’m scared” he nodded, kissing the side of your head “I’m not leaving your side, I promise. No matter what”

When Stella and Sylvie made it up the stairs she smiled “Hey little sister. My niece ready to make her debut?” you nodded “I think so” she looked at Jay “Let’s get her going. I’ll call Kelly to grab my keys and go get her bags from her place” “I’ll call Will to get mine” he added.

You were set up in a delivery room. Stella had helped you get changed into the gown while Jay called Will to let him know you were in the hospital and update the team. He came back in as Dr Asher was walking into the room “Detective Kidd, I hear we have a little one looking to make her debut?”

You nodded. She looked from Stella to Jay. “Birthing partners are aunt and dad?” you nodded so she asked “Are you ok with them being in when I check you?” “She’s my sister and well he is the father so he’s seen it” you joked, hissing through clenched teeth when a contraction cut you off. Jay was to your side, holding your hand the moment it hit. “Squeeze as hard as you need to” he spoke into your hair, one hand smoothing down your back.

Dr Asher smiled “As soon as it passes I’ll check and see how far dilated you are and we’ll go from there”

_________________________

You were exhausted. Every inch of your body ached to the touch. Your hair hurt and you never even knew that was possible. Jay was behind you in the bed, you supported back against his chest.

Stella swiped a cloth across your face “You’re doing amazing baby girl” you shook your head, falling back against Jay “I don’t feel like it” Jay’s hands ran gently down your arms “Are you kidding me? You are amazing. She’s almost here” you felt him press a kiss to the side of your face and smiled weakly “Jay I’m so damn tired” he nodded “I know sweetheart. You're doing so good though,you’re so strong. You can do this”

Dr Asher walked back in and smiled “Are we ready for the final stretch?” you turned your head to look at Jay. His blue eyes held a layer of excitement to finally meet her but you could see the worry for you too. You smiled and pressed a quick kiss to his neck “Let’s do it”

“Help her move down the bed dad. Aunt, help keep her legs steady” Dr Asher gave them their marching orders then looked at you “And mom when you feel the need to push, get as much air as you can into your lungs then push with everything” you nodded and let Jay support your body as a hard contraction hit. You did like she said and filled your lungs then concentrated on pushing. A loud gasp of pain escaped you when a feeling like a truck running over your lower abdomen slammed into you.

You felt Dr Asher’s hands and the pain got bad enough you were sure you were going to pass out until it started to fade and a shrill cry filled the room. “Congratulations Detective Kidd, Detective Halstead. You have a beautiful baby girl” “Her name’s Adeline, Adeline Halstead” you were lying against Jay watching the nurse clean Addy and wrap her in a blanket then hand her to Stella.

Stella had tears coming down her cheeks by the time she made it to the bed. “She’s so beautiful” she transferred Addy to your arms and you felt tears spring to your eyes. “Hey baby, I’m your mama” you placed a kiss to her head then looked back at Jay and felt your heart flip when you saw the tears in his eyes “And this is your daddy” “Hey baby girl” he spoke low, reaching one hand out to trace her face with a finger.

He was looking at her like he couldn’t believe she was real, like she was the best thing he’d ever seen and you couldn’t blame him you felt the same way. “She’s perfect” he whispered, kissing your temple. You nodded “She really is” you heard a photo snap and cut your eyes up to see Stella tucking her phone away “I’m sorry but that was adorable. I’m leaving now to update the waiting room full of cops and firefighters. I’ll be back when you’re in a regular room”

You laughed lightly when she scurried from the room followed by the nurses saying you’d be moved to a regular room soon. Jay sat with his legs bent at the knees and his arms around you both as you held her “She’s really here isn’t she? We really made a baby” he whispered and you nodded “Yeah, we did” tears slipped down his face and you felt your own start to fall “Thank you sweetheart” “For what?” you asked and he shrugged “Her”

You turned so you were laying with your head against his chest so he tucked his arms tighter around you and her “Can we stay like this for just a little while?” he asked and you nodded “Of course”

You watched as Jay introduced Addy to Will and Kelly first considering Stella was correct in deeming they had first dibs on meeting her. The smile he had on his face and how he held her like he never wanted to let her go made your heart ache but in a good way. “He’s so proud and happy” Stella whispered to you as she brushed and braided your hair for you. You nodded with a small smile watching Jay talk to Will and Kelly with Addy in his arms “He’s wanted her since he knew about her and loved her since he felt her move” “It’s nice to see” she agreed as she got done and kissed your cheek “I love you” “I love you too Stella bella”

_________________________

After Kelly and Will the unit met her. Jay let Kevin hold her, albeit for like fifteen seconds. Kim and Hailey gushed over her then moved to hugging you and asking what you needed brought back to you. Adam just kept staring at her and saying “She’s so tiny” in such an awed voice. Hank who kept emotions close to the chest, gently played with her fingers and said “Hey kid, guess I’m grandpa according to your parents”

Stella, you were certain had taken dozens of photos of Addy meeting everyone. Trudy managed to talk Jay into letting her hold Addy for a total of twenty seconds which was saying something.

By the time visiting hours were over you were barely keeping your eyes open. Stella was the last to leave. She hugged you and said “You need anything, call me. I’ll be here in the morning” “I will, I love you” she smiled “Love you too”

She leaned over Jay who was sitting in the chair next to your bed feeding Addy “Bye Addy. Aunt Stella loves you baby” then to your surprise she tapped his shoulder “You’re family too Jay so if you need anything by morning feel free to call” “Thanks Stel”

__________________

You watched her leave then looked over to see Jay was burping Addy like the nurse had shown the two of you. “You know you look pretty good as a dad” he smirked at you “Oh yeah? You look pretty good as a mom” you motioned to yourself “Smoking hot”

He shook his head with a laugh before saying “You did amazing Y/N” you smiled “I had pretty good support”

He stood and walked over to transfer Addy to your arms “Here ya go mama, fed and changed” you kissed her head and mock whispered “Your daddy is a really good man but don’t tell him I said so” he shook his head and leaned close to you to whisper “Addy, your mama is a really good woman and you can tell her I said so” then kissed your temple.

#jay halstead x reader #greg mouse gerwitz x reader #jay halstead x you #chicago pd fanfiction #chicago pd fic #chicago pd fanfic #mouse gerwitz x reader #jay halstead fanfiction #broken bonds masterlist

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donteattheappleshook · 2 days ago

Text

Not Broken at All Chapter 18/?

Summary:

A season 1 Neverland AU. Emma is still trying to adjust to her new life as Sheriff of Storybrooke and mom to Henry, who still believes everyone in town is a fairytale creature. When she finds a badly beaten, one handed man while patrolling, she’s convinced he’s crazy. He is, after all, rambling about fairies and shadows and crocodiles. But when Henry is suddenly taken out the window of a house everyone believes is haunted, the madman in the hospital might be her only hope of getting her son back. Whether he likes it or not.

Rated E

Catch up on Ao3 (where my italics work) or on Tumblr 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17

Oh hey! What's up everyone?

I know it's been a while (shocking) but it's Solstice today and the muse decided something needed to be posted for this fic in honour of the fairy orgies XD

This was written super fast and not really re-read because it's already 10pm so I'll probably edit it later but I'm giving it to you all now.

Happy Solstice and I hope you enjoy this chapter! <3

********

Part 18

“Doesn’t look so bad,” Will shrugs when they stand outside the mouth of the cave the next morning. Emma and Wendy roll their eyes at the same time. It does look that bad. For a place called Echo Cave she’d had expected something bigger, something louder. But all she can see as they approach is a narrow tunnel in the rockface, no sound escaping from within. So she jumps when Tiger Lily’s voice suddenly comes from within.

“You’re late.”

“Apologies,” Killian nods. “The forest has changed a fair bit since I last made the journey - it took us longer than anticipated to find the path.”

“You have a habit of doing that,” Tiger Lily scoffs. “Misinterpreting time.”

The reply is so quick, and Killian’s sigh so exhausted, that Emma has to hold back a snort of laughter.

“We came as fast as we could.”

“Come then, let’s not delay any further. The others have gathered.”

“Who are the others?” Emma asks Hook quietly as they follow.

“The eldest of those who were here before Pan. They were barely more than children when it happened, but They have some memory of how things were.”

“I thought you said they’d forgotten all their magic.”

“We did not forget,” Tiger Lily snaps from the entrance. Emma watches as the faint, gold dusting of magic that covers their skin, the only light in the otherwise pitch black cave shimmers and slides over their arm, cascading like water down through their fingers that they trail along the rocky wall, leaving flecks of sparking, gold dust in their wake. “It was taken from us. Through slaughter and cruelty. When the children who were left behind grew enough to become a threat to Pan, we were forced to lock away what little we remembered or meet the same fate.”

Every time she thinks it can’t get worse, it does. The massacre of Tiger Lily’s people and the destruction of their history, the torture and killing of the Lorelei, the horror of the murder of those boys on the beach. There’s no end it seems to Pan’s cruelty, to his thirst for blood.

Emma reaches for the shimmering of light that remains along the wall, glittering and moving with the flow of the rough surface. It glows brighter beneath her touch and something swells from deep within her, rushing to meet it, warm and electrifying, before she yanks her hand back and stumbles the rest of the way though.

The walk is long, this cave buried deep in darkness and stardust. She’s not sure she even hears it at first, a small whisper of a voice from far away, the words too quiet to make out, but repeating. As they continue along and a dim light starts to appear in the distance, they grow louder. It’s a child’s voice, rolling against the walls of the cave - wish I’d never come here… just want to go home. Just want to go home. Just want to go home….

She feels Killian’s hand on the small of her back and realizes she’s stopped walking. “It’s alright, love. It’s just an echo. The last secret that was shared here.” She still hesitates, not wanting to get any closer to the haunting voice. “Whoever they were, they’re not here anymore.”

“His name was Ruffio,” Will says, nearly as quiet as the first echo. “He’s been gone a long time.” He only meets her eye for a moment before clearing his throat and continuing as though he hadn’t said anything. She can’t blame him. She knows by now that nobody in Neverland ever goes home. “Come on - we’ve got secrets to spill.”

The light ahead grows until finally they emerge into a massive cavern. The stone that surrounds them black onyx - gleaming faintly against the dust that covers the ceiling like a galaxy above them. The space feels boundless, endless like the darkness could go on forever and she’s reminded of their flight here, of the endless sea of stars they’d sailed in on.

There are four people standing in the center of the chamber on a platform of the same black onyx, all of them with the same sharp, androgynous features as Tiger Lily, all with the same loose-fitting clothes and cropped hair, and all with that same shimmer of living magic glowing faintly in the dark. Tink stands with them, waiting. None of them are any older in appearance than herself, but she knows better by now than to judge age or power by appearance on this island.

The Constant.

They follow the rest of the way to the narrow, stone bridge that connects the ledge to the platform on which the others stand. When Emma takes a step to follow Tiger Lily onto the bridge, Killian puts an arm out, halting her in her tracks. Emma watches, heart in her throat as the bridge crumbles after Tiger Lily, stone falling away behind every step until they reach the end and there’s no bridge at all.

“The Constant keep no secrets,” Killian explains. “The cave can’t compel anything from them. We, on the other hand…”

“Of course they don’t.” No wonder they wanted to use this place. Easy to make others share their deepest darkest secrets when you’ve got none of your own to divulge and nothing to risk. “What about Tink?” she asks, nodding at the fifth person standing with the Constant.

“The fey have wings.”

Right. “So how does this work?”

“From what I remember, you step out onto the edge and call out your secret. If it’s truly your darkest, the cave will echo it back to you.”

“And then we get across?”

“Aye, easy as that,” Killian attempts a smile, but it comes out as a wince. “I’ll go,” he offers though he looks like he’s dreading this as much as she is. She’s just thankful she doesn’t have to start. He lets out another sigh, bracing himself and then, “I kissed Emma.”

Fuck. Her heart drops into her stomach. He’s been a pirate for two hundred years - How the hell can his darkest secret have anything to do with her?

Will smirks. “Kissed? Is that what they’re calling it these days? And I think you’re forgetting that we were all there when she jumped you at Solstice.” His smirk deepens. “And when Emma came back all wet.” If Emma could reach him she’d smack him.

“I literally walked in on you,” Wendy deadpans.

“I’m not talking about Solstice,” he sighs, not rising to the bait. “It was…” She knows when it was. We’ll keep each other safe, they’d promised. She doesn’t need everyone else to know though. Not when she’s not even sure what any of it meant or what it means now. “It doesn’t matter,” Killian shakes his head. “It was what the kiss - what all of it - exposed.” Fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. “My secret is… I never believed that I’d be capable of letting go of my first love, of my Milah.” He breathes her name like a prayer and a wound. “To believe that I could find someone else.” His eyes lift to hers and it’s only by sheer force of will that she’s able to stop herself from taking a step back, from running away from the way he’s looking at her. Because she needs to hear this. They all do. If she wants to get across this fucking bridge, if she wants to talk to the fucking Constant, if she wants to get her son back - she needs to hear this secret as much as he needs to tell it. “That is, until I met you.”

She doesn’t know what to say or if she’s supposed to say something, can’t bring herself to look at Wendy or Will or look away from his eyes still burning into hers. And then before she even can do anything, Killian’s voice echoes through the cave, ‘until I met you’ called back to them like a ghost. A rumble follows as a section of the fallen bridge rises back from the depths below them, rock by rock, rebuilding itself.

Killian lets out a humourless laugh. “So, who’d like to go next?”

“I will.” Wendy stands with her shoulders straight, like she’s ready for a fight rather than a confession. Emma gets a sinking feeling in her stomach from the way she’s making herself look at Killian, with shame and guilt. He doesn’t look surprised - he looks like he expected this to hurt. “Sometimes… Sometimes I wish you’d never found me. Sometimes I wish you had just kept on walking that day when Pan left me to die.” She winces. “I’ll always be grateful to you for saving my life, for taking me in but…”

Killian nods when she hesitates, her eyes damp with unshed tears. “Go on, it’s alright.”

“You trapped me here, Hook. You’re the reason I have to live in this neverending nightmare. Forever. You knew what that water would do to me and I know you couldn’t ask but… you didn’t give me a choice. And I think that if I had one now - if I could have had a say in the next hundred years of my life… I’d rather you’d just let me die because this -” she gestures at herself, at everything around them. “It’s worse than death. And because of you I’ll never leave.” She lets out a bitter laugh. “I can’t even die if I want to. Not unless Pan decides that’s what he wants. You forced this life on me, Killian, you cursed me to live because it made you feel better and I don’t… I’ll never forgive you for that.”

Tears stain her cheeks now, jaw tight as she refuses to let any more follow and Emma can see the heartbreak on Killian’s face. “Wendy…” but she shakes her head and he stops the step he’d taken towards her.

“I’m sorry,” she chokes and he shakes his head this time. Her secret echoes around them like a taunt this time - ‘never forgive you for that’ - and another piece of the bridge rebuilds itself. The silence hangs between them, louder than any echo, until Will steps up.

“I suppose I should go next - while we’re on the topic of never being forgiven.” He takes his own steadying breath. “I’m dying.”

Wendy’s face falls. “... what?” It comes out cracked and small and frightened. “What do you mean you’re dying?”

The look Will gives her - there’s so much guilt there, so much pain and self-loathing and love. Emma may not know much about it but she can recognize it now in his eyes, in the way he looks at Wendy. “I lied when I told you I didn’t know what Pan did to my heart. I’ve seen him do it before.”

“One hundred years…”

Will nods, a self-deprecating smile falling flat. “I really hoped that I could keep it from you for a little longer. Neverland will slow it down but… he squeezed a hundred years from my heart. I’ll start aging faster - a lot faster - and pretty soon…”

“How long?” He hesitates a beat longer than Emma can handle - and Wendy… gods, she can’t imagine. “How long?”

“I’ll be dead in a few months - three, maybe four depending on how long I would have lived if I’d aged like a normal person but - I’m so sorry, Wen. I didn’t want to tell you, I -”

Whatever he was going to say and whatever she might have answered is stolen by the cave calling back to them in Will’s voice, ‘dead in a few months’. Nobody looks as the bridge puts itself back together, all of them too focused on the cruel revelation. He did it for her, Emma realises, for all of them but… he’s dying because of her. Wendy’s losing him because of her. Even Killian looks solemn at the news.

“Your turn, Emma,” Will chokes out with the palest attempt at levity she’s seen him manage since she met him. “Wouldn’t want to be left out of all the fun, would you?”

She looks out towards the chasm between them and the Constant. She doesn’t even know what she expected to confess, or what she’d hear confessed by those with her, and now, with the truth of Will’s fate hanging in the air, nothing feels like it matters in the grand scheme of things.

What even is her deepest secret? That she gave up Henry? That she had her heart broken by a selfish man who used her and then left her? That she spent a year of her life in jail? That she’s spent her whole life searching for the parents who left her behind? That between Neal and her parents she doesn’t think she could ever trust someone again - could ever let herself love someone again, or let them love her… That she might be anyway? None of it feels like enough; none of it even feels like a secret anymore, not since Henry found her and brought her to Storybrooke.

And then, like bile and sick, she feels something being forced up from her throat, words clawing their way to the surface and past her lips of their own volition. She can’t stop them. She doesn’t even know what she’s going to say until they come spilling out.

“I wish Henry had never come to find me. I wish he’d never brought me to Storybrooke.” The confession leaves her gasping, tears in her eyes as though she had been sick. She wants to be, hearing such a horrible truth being spoken out loud. Killian looks at her with sympathy, but she turns away from it. And once it’s started, she can’t stop it. “I never wanted to be a mother. I gave him away because I knew he’d be better off without me - but also because I knew I’d be better off without him. He’s a beautiful, amazing kid and I love him more than anything… but I never asked for this. Every day since he showed up at my door I’ve been terrified - every minute of every day. Those few minutes in the Fae forest when I couldn’t remember him were the most peaceful I’ve felt in months and when it all came flooding back it just reminded me of how much simpler my life was before I had to be anything to anyone. I don’t want to lose him. But I never wanted to find him either.”

The bridge rebuilds itself, completing the path across as the worst thing she’s ever said, ‘never wanted to find him’, is echoed back to her cruelly. She feels drained, numb, and she wonders if the others are feeling this horrible emptiness too. She looks out at where the Constant wait. If this is their idea of having them prove their allegiance, they better be ready to give theirs in return.

“Come on, Swan,” Killian tells her, leading her across the bridge. None of them say a word, Will and Killian both casting glances at Wendy who won’t look up from her feet, and the silence follows them the whole way across.

“That sounded rough,” Tink comments when they reach the platform, the five Constant talking in harsh whispers in a language she doesn’t recognize.

“How lucky of you to have missed it then,” Will snips. He must be feeling worse than Emma realized.

There’s an argument starting, still in that foreign language, but she can tell just the same. Every few words there’s a glimpse of something that feels familiar, a syllable from another language she’s heard, a word that could be French or Spanish, a glimpse of English, not one language but many - like every language spoken at once.

“This meeting has been a topic of some controversy,” Killian whispers. “But I think Tiger Lily might be on our side.”

“You can understand them?”

He shrugs. “One picks up a few things after two centuries.”

There’s a small scoff from Tink. “Yeah, all that pillow talk was really educational.”

Killian ignores the quip. “They’re the keepers of the last of the forgotten history of the old Neverland.” He nods at each as he names them. “That’s Philodendron, Halcyon, Alder, Jacaranda, and you know Tiger Lily.

“Tiger Lily is one of them?”

“Tiger Lily was the oldest Constant to survive the massacre. They were just shy of a century when Pan took over.”

“A century?”

“The Constant are eternal, love. A century is nothing.”

The Constant have gone silent, a tense, begrudging conclusion to their argument that Emma can feel even if she doesn’t know the words.

Finally, Tiger Lily speaks. “Tinkerbell tells us you wish to unearth the secrets of the island - secrets that were buried to keep us safe.”

“Secrets that could return the island to the way it once was if you ally with us against Pan,” Killian counters.

“If our knowledge could have defeated the boy,” Alder interjects, “we would have done so a millenia ago when he first laid waste to this island.”

“Maybe your knowledge alone couldn’t defeat him, but we have the Lorelei on our side, and the fae,” Wendy adds, gesturing at Tink.

Alder scoffs. “You have one fairy. One who’s been without magic for almost five hundred years, who’s magic was corrupted by the very demon you seek to destroy. Our magic was born from the innocence and dreams of children, the purest light magic there is, and even it was snuffed out by Pan’s darkness. What chance have you with a weakened fairy and the duplicitous sirens?”

“We have more than that,” Tink interjects, bitterness and insult obvious in the bite of her words. “We have her.” It takes Emma a moment to realize that she’s the one being gestured at and now every set of eyes is on her.

“Me?”

“Her?” Wendy frowns.

“You can’t honestly tell me you haven’t noticed. She practically reeks of magic. It’s spilling out of every pore. I clocked it as soon as she got here.”

“I don’t have magic.” The Constant continue to stare, questioning, doubting. “I don’t. Don’t you think if I did I’d have used it by now to get Henry back?”

“Not if you weren’t aware of it, love,” Killian offers gently.

“Okay but I’m not some fairytale character; I’m from Boston - the land without magic. I don’t have any power.”

“Oh for…” Tink swears under her breath, crossing the room and grabbing Emma’s wrist. Faster than she can stop her, the fairy pulls a small blade from the complicated twist of pins and leather that keeps her mass of blonde hair piled on top of her head, ivory handle embellished with gold runes, and slashes it across Emma’s palm.

“Ow! What the hell!” Emma shouts, yanking her hand away. That fucking hurt. Tinkerbelle doesn’t resist, the rest of their small crew moving to intervene, but all at once, they freeze. Emma follows their gazes to her hand, clutched tightly in a fist to her chest and her breath catches. There’s light seeping through the cracks in her fingers, golden and swirling like smoke, shimmering like the magic that flows over the Constant’s skin.

Jacaranda reaches a hand out to her, palm upturned in a request and Emma looks to the others before carefully placing her hand in theirs. Carefully, the Constant unfurls her fingers, examining the light that shines from her wound with a careful touch. Their eyes go wide. “This is our magic,” they say, voice soft and tinged with awe. “Ours and… something else.”

“May I?” Philodendron asks, extending their own hand. Emma nods, even as the urge to refuse shouts at her. You don’t have magic. You’re not magic. You’re a goddamn bail bonds person from Boston, not a fairytale character. Philodendron looks at her after taking a moment to examine the wound themselves. “This is light magic,” they confirm. “It’s raw and untapped but powerful, more powerful than anything I’ve seen since before Pan’s time.” They twist her hand a bit, trying to look closer, to read something in whatever they see that Emma can’t. “But this isn’t born of belief and dreams as ours is, it's the product of something else… of -”

“True love,” Emma breathes out, so low she doesn’t mean for anyone to hear it. Henry had said that hadn’t he? That she was supposed to be the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, that she was supposed to be the Saviour.

“Yes, that’s it,” Philodendron nods slowly. “You were right, Tinkerbelle. This is more powerful magic than we anticipated.”

“Can you use it?” Emma asks, still not believing it really, but if it means they’ll help her get her kid back, she doesn’t care what she has to do.

“That depends,” Halcyon takes a step forward. “Can you wield it?”

“No, I…” she doesn’t even know how this is possible.

“I can.” They all turn to Tink, Emma cradling her hand to her chest once more. “If you tell me what we need to do, I can guide her. But you’ll have to let me.” The last bit is directed at her and she hesitates… Tink hasn’t exactly made a secret of the fact that she’s not a fan of hers, and she just slashed her damn hand open… Trust already isn’t her strong suit to begin with. “I’m not going to steal it,” Tink snaps and looks genuinely offended and Emma remembers that she knows what it is to have her power taken from her.

“I know you won’t. I just… what if it doesn’t work?” How powerful could this magic be? She’s not anything special, she never has been. Why would this be any different?

“Then I guess you don’t get your kid back.”

“Tink,” Killian warns but Emma can’t help but appreciate the fairy’s bluntness.

“What do we need to do?”

“This cavern, ” TigerLily starts, taking a knee and placing a hand reverently on the stone, “used to be a sacred place. It held all of the secrets of Neverland, and the dreams of children who visited - the purest and most honest of truths of all - fueled the island as it did our magic. This was its source - the source of everything.

“But then Pan tainted this cave with his twisted version of secrets as power, as something to be wielded, and forced us to sacrifice the last of the light magic that still breathed life into Neverland, the cavern shielded itself from his darkness. Now it echoes truths rather than accept ones taken maliciously. This place… has seen nothing but darkness for centuries. It has not been sleeping, but fighting, the last of the resistance against Pan right under his nose, keeping the darkness at bay and it has hardened. We need to remind it what the light looks like.”

“It can have mine. Whatever this is. If it can help and if this place can defeat Pan it can have all of it.”

Tiger Lily smiles kindly. “Not all of it. It would never snuff out your light. But even the slightest kindling can spark an inferno and with it you can breathe magic back into the island.”

“How?”

They nod to Tink who retrieves her knife again, slashing her own palm this time, the light that glows from her wound a shimmering green, and holds her hand out to Emma. Heat burns across her skin when she takes Tink’s offered hand, the light between them growing, shining and mixing. Tink places her other hand on Tiger Lily’s shoulder and the Constant flattens both their palms against the stone beneath them. After a moment, they look to Emma and she knows she’s doing it wrong. She’s not doing anything but she’s doing it wrong.

“I’m sorry.”

Tiger Lily shakes their head, their smile not malicious, but understanding.

“I have met so many lost boys and girls on this island. So many broken, hardened children lead here by fear and hurt and neglect, so afraid to trust, to love, to admit or even accept what they want, what they desire more than anything - what has been robbed of them. This place is born of dreams and truths and you, dear Swan, strong Swan, brave Swan… frightened Swan, have locked yourself away from both.”

“But I already told this place my darkest secret.” But she doesn’t need Tiger Lily to tell her - this place echoes darkness, resists darkness. That secret was Pan’s magic - not Neverland’s.

“What do you dream of, Emma? What truths do you keep from yourself?” Emma opens her mouth to speak but Tiger Lily holds up a hand. “Do not tell them to me. Tell them to the lost girl. Unburden her.”

What does she dream of? Things she can’t have, things she’s never had, things that were taken away. She wants to find her parents, that’s no secret though, she’s always known that. She wants them to have never given her up in the first place. She wanted a family, the one she could have had with Henry and Neal if he hadn’t turned out to be the vile person he was, the life that she’d had just a glimpse of after one missed period, before everything went to shit. She doesn’t want that anymore. She hasn’t let herself want any of it since then, not love, not family, not hope…

Her skin begins to warm, something flaring beneath the surface. Liar. She doesn’t know if it’s the cave or herself or her magic but it echoes through her like her secret against the walls. Tiger Lily accused her of locking herself away from her dreams, from her truths, but can they even still be truths if they’ve been silenced and stomped down for decades?

She thinks of the lost girl she was, abandoned, a runaway on the street, burning the last of her childhood, of stupid fairytales and stories to keep warm in a world that was only ever cold. What had that girl wanted? Powerless, lost, alone. That girl who felt like nothing, who meant nothing to anyone, who had never mattered and never would, who had only herself to take care of her. She wanted to matter - to someone, to herself, she wanted people to matter to her, to be able to let them. She didn’t want to be alone anymore. Even as she pushed away every foster parent, every friend, every lover as she grew older, she didn’t want - she doesn’t want - to have to do it alone.

That’s what she dreams of, what she refuses to admit that she dreams of. That for all of her rightly earned distrust of everyone, for all of her caution and her fear of abandonment, of love and hope, she wants to be able to let them in, let them matter. She wants to believe that she could have that happily ever after that she’s scorned all her life.

Images flash in her mind as the heat builds, her body tingling, a faint glimmer of light shining against her shut eyelids. Henry smiling in her doorway in Boston, Mary Margaret offering her a home, Killian bringing her to Neverland, Wendy helping her hide from Pan, Will sacrificing himself for her, Killian nearly sacrificing Milah’s name - sacrificing his memories, all of them banding together to help her save her kid, even Tink now, helping her to wield magic she doesn’t understand.

She’s not alone. She’s not in this alone. For the first time in her life she has people she can count on. People she can trust. She thinks of the smile Henry gave her when she let him know she wasn’t going to leave Storybrooke even though she could, of Mary Margaret’s pep talks, of shared hot chocolate and drinks and advice in their apartment, of Killian in that dank brig after one of the worst hours of her life - perhaps I would - of his words whispered in the quiet darkness of his cabin - I’m here. You don’t have to ask - of his confession echoing around them - until I met you. She does matter to people. She’s not nothing. She was never nothing. She matters and she has people who matter to her.

Her whole body alights, the blood in her veins not blood anymore but something else, something powerful and she can feel it surging beneath her skin, pulled by a force as it rushes through her and towards that opening in her palm. The white of her light overtakes the green and Tink’s body jerks like the surge of magic is as jarring to her as it is for Emma. Tiger Lily gasps, the ground beneath them starting to glow, tendrils of golden light snaking towards them across the stone like rivulets. Their body starts to shimmer, the dusting of gold shining brighter until their skin is swallowed by it completely.

Emma can feel sweat beading on her skin, the salt mixing with the tears she hadn’t realized she’d been crying. She doesn’t know how much longer she can keep this up, the power coursing through her overwhelming. Tink’s hand is shaking in hers, both their palms damp and slippery and white knuckled and she can’t imagine how much more effort the fairy is putting in as the one actually channeling all of this.

“There’s so much,” Tiger Lily says in awe. “We’ve forgotten so much.” Their eyes are glowing with the same gold that covers their skin, their mouth pulling into a smile even as tears roll down their cheeks.

“I can’t -” Tink starts, but doesn’t let Emma release her hand when she tries to stop.

There’s another moment, the light engulfing the Constant almost completely, so bright Emma has to look away, before finally, suddenly, it stops. The three of them slump against the ground with a gasp of exhaustion. Emma doesn’t even turn when she feels hands on her shoulders, helping her to sit up, she knows it’s him. Wendy is at Tink’s side helping to support her as well as the Constant circle around Tiger Lily, all of them holding one another in a moment that feels beautiful and private as joy and heartbreak play over their faces.

“Can you. Stop him?” Tink pants out.

“I… I think so. There’s just - there’s so much. I need time to sort through it all.”

“We don’t. Have. Time.”

“All of the secrets of Neverland, millennia’s worth, have just been poured into my mind. It will take me more than a few minutes to understand it all and find what will help us.”

“How much time?” Emma asks. Henry’s already been here too long - too long without knowing that she’s here, that she’s coming for him.

“I don’t… give me a few nights at least. Come back in three days. That should give me time to make sense of what is needed at least.” Their eyes are far away, like they’re not seeing the cavern around them but something far bigger and far more extraordinary.

Emma nods. “Three days?”

“Three days. And then we’ll rid this island of its false king forever.”

***********

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sexsylexi · 3 days ago

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Heyyy

The part 2 to Why couldn't it be me was really good , do you think you'll make a part 3 , you just for the happy ending ? Pleaseee pretty please w a cherry on top?

Of course here it is!

Why couldn't it be me? Part 3.

Wally west x reader

The weeks following your conversation with Wally were both a relief and a burden. You finally had the space you’d been yearning for, but it left you with too much time to think.

You replayed Wally’s words over and over in your head.

He had admitted he loved you after all this time..

They sounded like a dream, yet they carried the weight of your heartbreak. Could you trust him? Or was it just another one of Wally’s impulsive decisions, the kind he often made without thinking about the consequences?

You spent your days reflecting, journaling, and throwing yourself into training with the team. Anything to keep your mind from spiraling. But no matter what you did, thoughts of Wally always lingered.

---

Wally, meanwhile, was doing everything he could to prove he meant what he’d said.

He had ended things with Artemis shortly after your conversation. It hadn’t been easy—she deserved honesty, and he gave her that.

“I care about you, Artemis,” he had said, his voice steady but full of regret. “But I don’t love you the way I should.”

Artemis had taken it better than he expected. She’d been hurt, of course, but she wasn’t blind.

“I had a feeling,” she’d admitted. “It’s always been (Y/N), hasn’t it?”

Wally hadn’t known what to say to that.

“Just don’t mess this up,” Artemis had said with a small, sad smile. “They’re worth it.”

A few weeks later, you found yourself wandering the beach near Mount Justice. It was one of your favorite places to think—a quiet spot where the sound of the waves drowned out the noise in your head.

You’d been coming here a lot lately, trying to sort through your feelings.

You cared about Wally. That much was undeniable. But could you trust him not to hurt you again?

As you stared out at the ocean, you heard footsteps approaching. You didn’t need to turn around to know who it was.

“Hey,” Wally said softly, stopping a few feet away.

“Hey,” you replied, your voice calm but guarded.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. The sound of the waves filled the silence.

“I didn’t mean to intrude,” Wally said finally. “I just... I’ve been thinking about you.”

You turned to face him, crossing your arms. “What do you want, Wally?”

He looked down at the sand, then back up at you. “I wanted to see you. To talk. If you’ll let me.”

You hesitated, then nodded. “Go ahead.”

Wally took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts. “I know I said a lot the last time we talked, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. About us. About how I’ve hurt you.”

His voice wavered, but he pushed on. “I was selfish. I didn’t see what was right in front of me because I was too focused on chasing something I thought I wanted. And when you pulled away, it made me realize how much I’d taken you for granted."

You watched him carefully, your heart aching at the vulnerability in his eyes.

“I ended things with Artemis,” he said, his voice steady. “Not because of you, but because it wasn’t fair to her. I couldn’t keep pretending to be in love with her when my heart was somewhere else.”

Your breath hitched at his words, but you didn’t interrupt.

“I’m not asking you to forgive me right away,” he continued. “I know I’ve screwed up, and I don’t deserve an easy fix. But I meant what I said, (Y/N). I love you. And I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that to you if I have to.”

You felt tears prickling at the corners of your eyes, but you held them back. “Wally... I’ve spent so long loving you from a distance. Watching you fall for someone else. It hurt more than I can put into words.”

“I know,” he said softly. “And I hate myself for putting you through that.”

“But...” You hesitated, your voice trembling. “These past few weeks, I’ve realized something. No matter how much I tried to let go, I couldn’t. Because I love you too.”

Wally’s eyes widened, hope flickering across his face.

“That doesn’t mean everything’s okay,” you added quickly. “Trust takes time, and I need to know that you’re serious about this. About us.”

“I am,” he said, stepping closer. “I swear, (Y/N). I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work.”

You searched his eyes, looking for any sign of doubt, but all you saw was sincerity.

“Okay,” you said finally, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Okay?” Wally repeated, a cautious smile spreading across his face.

You nodded, a small smile tugging at your lips. “We’ll take it slow. But I’m willing to try.”

Wally let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, his smile widening. “You have no idea how much that means to me.”

For the first time in weeks, you felt a sense of peace wash over you. It wouldn’t be easy, but maybe—just maybe—this was your start.

---

The next few weeks were a mix of tentative steps and quiet moments. Wally was true to his word, taking things slow and giving you the space you needed. He made an effort to show you how much he cared, from small gestures like bringing you your favorite snacks to simply listening when you needed to talk.

It wasn’t perfect—there were moments of doubt and lingering hurt—but you were both committed to making it work.

One evening, as the team gathered at Mount Justice for a rare night off, Wally found you sitting on the couch, a book in your hands.

“Hey,” he said, plopping down beside you.

“Hey,” you replied, setting the book aside.

“Can I ask you something?” he said, his tone unusually serious.

“Sure.”

He hesitated, then said, “Do you think we’ll ever get back to the way things used to be?”

You thought about it for a moment, then shook your head. “No. But maybe that’s a good thing.”

Wally frowned. “How do you mean?”

“Well we're together now as a couple,” you said, smiling softly. “We’re not the same friends we were before. And I think that’s okay. Maybe we can build something even better.”

Wally’s expression softened, and he reached out to take your hand. “I like the sound of that.”

As you sat there together, hand in hand, you felt a sense of hope you hadn’t felt in a long time.

#imagine #x reader #dc #dc comics #fluff #young justice #x you fluff #wally west #wally west x reader #kid flash x reader #KF

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